#worry about in may/june not even mentioning all the shit i gotta do for fucking college.
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sdfghjkl i have state-mandated exams starting tomorrow that determine if i graduate also fragile mental health this week and listening to home video by lucy dacus a normal amount but tbh i'm chilling totally
#also i have to take the SAT in one month. totallyyyy chilling. i take more breaks than i'm meant to but tbh#i'm exhaustedddd. but i also dont have the academic legroom to be exhausted#bc i was early on and that fucked literally everything up sooo i gotta work like 10x harder#n if i flunk this basically all the good work will feel insignificant#will try to be on here more once i'm done w/ exams but i wont be fully done until april n then i got more stuff to#worry about in may/june not even mentioning all the shit i gotta do for fucking college.#still not 100% sure what i actually want to do BTW. so pray i figure that out asap#goddd i dont wanna be a human being. dont wanna. really do anything tbh#but also i'm clinically depressed according to every therapist i've had ever n anyone who's ever looked at me. FORK SPOTTED IN KITCHEN#but yeah complaining. boo/ gn..#stream home video. good album but idk much about good music i listen to whatever. please stay + hot n heavy + cartwheel + thumbs my faves#my text#Spotify
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the one where they met in med school - part five
Jo is going through something and Alex is going to figure out what it is
Check out our Master List for parts 1-4 as well as other jolex fics we've been working on!
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(May 2007)
Seattle Grace is a disaster zone full of lovesick, horny patients and doctors. It’s like Alex cannot turn a corner without finding someone hooking up or getting hit on. At first, he thinks he’s imagining things because there’s no way that Doctor Montgomery is staring at him like he’s a fresh piece of meat and she’s a hungry lion. They see each other almost everyday as he helps Ava recover and everyday the woman stares him down like she wants to jump him.
And that’s another thing, he was pretty sure that Ava is trying to hit on him too. He knew he was good looking and that his rare soft side has been on full display lately, but for fuck’s sake even his patients? Ava was easier to handle than Addison, but both women were giving him a run for his money.
“You know, I think she’s trying to get in your pants,” Ava’s voice startled him as he looked up from her chart, brows furrowing as he looked at her. “Doctor Montgomery. She keeps looking at you with those sex eyes, like if I wasn’t here she’d be all over you.”
Well at least he isn’t crazy… Alex heaved a sigh and closed the chart, meeting Ava’s eyes with a smirk, “She can stare all she wants, I am off the market and not interested in one of my superiors dragging me into a supply closet for a quick hookup.”
He could tell Ava was shocked. Who in this death trap isn’t by the fact that Doctor Evil Spawn is tied down? She paused for a moment before a laugh came out, eyes falling to her hands that lay over her swollen belly, “Figures, I knew you were too handsome to be single. Does she work here too? It seems like everyone in this hospital is screwing.”
“No she’s back in Boston, she’ll be here in a few weeks though,” just saying the words out loud makes Alex’s heart flutter. Both Jo and Lexie had been accepted to the next class of interns at Seattle Grace, meaning that as soon as they walked across the stage in June they’d be flying across the country to Seattle. “It’s been too damn long, we’ve been doing long distance for almost a year now.”
“A year? Do you see her ever? I’m sure you’re super busy here,” Ava seemed genuinely curious about Alex and Jo’s relationship, a refreshing take compared to his friends that only asked if he was getting laid or not.
“Yeah we’ve both been out to see each other a few times. I just went there in March actually. It’s not enough, though. It’s not the same,” his mind now occupied with thoughts of his girlfriend, Alex said goodbye to Ava and left her room. He wasn’t even through the doorway of an on-call room before he dialed Jo’s number and waited for her to answer. “Hey you, how’s your day?”
“Fine.”
The one word answer stopped Alex’s heart. Usually, Jo was more than ready to rant about classes or tell him something exciting that she saw on campus. Instead, her monotone voice and lack of words scared him.
So he did the only thing he could think of and decided to call Lexie. The phone went to voicemail twice before it was answered, “Alex what’s going? I’m at work.”
“What’s wrong princess? Bad day?”
“No it’s just been long,” Jo sighed, her voice seeming even further away. “I have a headache, that’s all.”
“I’m sorry babe, if it makes you feel better, one of my patients thinks that my boss is trying to screw me,” Alex’s voice was light hearted as he tried to cheer Jo up, but her frustrated sigh on the other end of the line told him that she didn’t find the situation amusing. “Look, I’m sorry. I thought it was a funny story but-”
“Hey, Lexie. I’m sorry, but is Jo okay?”
“What?” Lexie scrunched her face. “That’s why you’re calling me? I have to get back to the lab.”
“Don’t hang up! It’s just… I called her a few minutes ago and she was acting weird. She was giving me short answers and then she hung up on me. She sounded stressed and nervous. Not school stressed either. I’m worried,” Alex explained.
“I know you two have been together for years, but it still kind of freaks me out whenever I hear you talk like this… Now that you mention it though, Jo has been acting off. Normally she’s really chatty in the evenings, but lately she’s been distracted.”
"Did something happen?" Alex asked.
"Not that I know of… should I get off work early and go check on her?"
"No, it's fine. I'll take care of it. Thanks Lexie," Alex hung up the phone and decided to look for Bailey.
“I gotta go, I’ll call you later,” the line went dead before Alex could say anything else, leaving him to stare down at the phone in his hands in shock. No matter how angry or upset his girlfriend has been she’d never hung up on him like that, not even during their big blowout fight a few weeks before.
After a few minutes of running around the hospital, he finally found Bailey sitting behind the nursing station giving Izzie some instructions about a patient's post-op care, "Dr. Bailey can I speak with you for a moment?"
"Say what you need to say, Karev. Stevens and I are very busy today. I don't have time to waste," Bailey replied without looking up from her charts.
Alex looked up at Izzie who just shrugged and motioned for him to speak, "I need the rest of the day off, the next few days actually."
Bailey looked up from the chart she was writing in, an unimpressed expression on her face, "Excuse me?"
"I know we're swamped and I'm on Ava's case, but I really just need a couple days. There's been a family emergency and I need to catch the next flight to Boston," Alex looked at Bailey expectantly.
"Is everything okay?" Izzie asked, concerned.
"I don't know. I couldn't really get a lot of information over the phone, but I need to get to Boston as soon as possible. Please," Alex waited for a couple seconds for Dr. Bailey's response.
"You are lucky I like you," Bailey mumbled. "Go Karev, get out of here. You have three days. Call me if it's really bad and you need more."
Alex nodded in thanks and ran to the locker room to collect his things. By the time he arrived at the airport, an hour had passed since he left the hospital. He ran up to the ticket counter and asked for the next flight to Boston. It was pricey, but the plane would leave in an hour, meaning Alex had to be quick if he wanted to make it in time for boarding.
The rest of the time in between him getting to Boston was a blur. When his plane touched down, it was midnight on the east coast. He called a cab and hopped in, giving them Jo’s address. It was 12:37am when he finally arrived. Alex walked up the steps to the apartment and knocked on the door. There was a shuffling on the inside before the door opened.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Jo’s eyes widened as she opened the door. She looked like shit, her eyes were red and puffy and she was dressed in one of Alex’s dark blue flannels and some pajama shorts.
“I was worried about you, you didn’t sound okay when I called,” Alex watched Jo’s bottom lip tremble as she held back tears, his hands coming up to hold her shoulders as she looked up at her. “Jo, what’s wrong?”
Jo tried to open her mouth to say something, but no words came out. Instead a sob broke from her throat, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks as Alex pulled her into his embrace. His hands rubbed her back slowly as he attempted to quiet her sobs.
“Jo what’re you- Alex? What the hell,” Alex looked up and met Lexie’s eyes behind Jo, hers softening as she glanced at her friend who was still crying. “She wouldn’t tell me anything, she’s been crying on and off since I got home.”
“Come on babe, let’s get you to bed,” Alex pulled back from Jo just long enough to hook his arms under her legs so he could carry her to her bedroom. She made no protests as she nuzzled further into Alex’s chest, her silence throwing him off as they settled into bed together. “I’ll be here in the morning, you just sleep.”
Jo’s sobs had turned into sniffles as she pressed her face into the crook of Alex’s neck. She was never a big cuddler when they would sleep together, most of the time Alex would be fighting her for room on the mattress as she starfished across it. That’s how Alex could tell something wasn’t right, the way that Jo was curled up into a ball pressed as close to him as possible told him everything he needed to know.
Somewhere around 3am, Alex felt Jo poke him in the side. He opened his eyes and looked at the face of the woman he loved only to find her usual joyful demeanor replaced with one of fear. He watched as Jo took a deep breath, “We need to go to the store.”
“The store? For what? Jo, it’s three in the morning. Is anything even open right now?” Alex furrowed his brow.
“There’s a twenty-four hour CVS a couple blocks away,” Jo lifted her head from its place on Alex’s chest and moved to get out of bed. “I just really need to get something from the store.”
“Jo, the store can wait. We can go in a few hours,” Alex tried reasoning with her.
“It can’t wait!” Jo exclaimed as tears began to trickle down her face again. “It can’t wait Alex. We need to go right now.”
“Okay, we’ll go now. Just calm down for me,” Alex placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “I’m going to get dressed. Give me two minutes.”
By the time they arrived at CVS, it was 3:23am. Alex made a move to exit the car when Jo placed a hand on his arm, “No! Stay here. I’ll go alone.”
“What? No, Jo it’s three in the morning. I’m not letting you go into the store alone,” Alex protested.
“There’s nobody here. I will be fine,” Jo opened the car door. “Besides, I know how to take care of myself. I’ll be back in five minutes.”
Alex was extremely confused. He had no idea what the hell was wrong with his girlfriend, but he knew it wasn’t good. In the years he’d known her, Alex had never seen her like this. He tried racking his brain for any possible thing that could’ve led her to acting like this but he came up blank.
Jo entered the car with a plastic bag in her hands, breaking him from his thoughts. He looked over at her, “You good?”
“Yeah,” Jo’s voice and face despondent. “Just drive the car.”
“Okay…”
As they walked back into her apartment, Alex gave Jo a worried look. She’d been silent the entire car ride and Alex basically had to drag her up the stairs to the apartment. He sighed, “Jo, come on. It’s been hours since I got here and you still haven’t told me anything. I left the hospital early and asked for the next three days off because I know you are not okay. I know something is wrong and I’m worried about you. Please, I love you. I am here. Let me help you.”
Wiping a couple stray tears from her face, Jo pulled Alex into the bathroom and locked the door. She handed him the bag containing what she’d just purchased from CVS.
Alex’s eyes widened as he removed what was inside the bag, “Holy shit.”
“Yeah,” Jo swallowed nervously. She leaned against the sink and closed her eyes. “Now you know why I’m acting so weird… I’m freaking out here, Alex.”
Alex looked from the unopened pregnancy test box in his hand back to Jo, “It’s okay. Everything is going to be fine Jo. You’re going to take the test and I’m going to be right here the entire time. I’m not going anywhere, no matter what this test says.”
“Can you just… go in the hallway while I pee,” Jo’s voice was quiet and far away as she looked up at Alex. Their eyes met and they both took in the same expression of fear that the other wore.
Alex nodded and left the bathroom, sliding down the wall of the hallway as he waited for what seemed to be forever for Jo to finish. His mind was racing, heart hammering in his chest as he played the last two months over in his head. If Jo was… it had to have happened when he came out in March. They’d been careful, they were always careful, but the trip had been short and sweet and they’d spent most of their time in bed.
“It says wait three minutes,” Alex is startled out of his train of thought by Jo’s voice, her figure now standing in front of him with a solemn expression. She had thrown on one of his Iowa State sweatshirts in her haste to get out the door, the fabric hanging loosely off her body as she sat on the ground and dragged herself into Alex’s waiting arms. “I’m scared, Alex.”
“Hey if it is positive you’re already heading to Seattle in a few weeks anyways. We can work it out,” Alex brushed his fingers through Jo’s hair as he pulled her close, his lips pressing into her forehead. “I love you, no matter what happens I’m always gonna love you.”
Jo nodded her head, but didn’t speak anymore. Alex felt terrible, she’d probably been carrying this around for a few days by herself while he was clueless on the other side of the country. The past year had been hell on earth for him, but he took a little comfort in the fact that in just a few short weeks they’d be waking up next to each other again.
“I’m late, like stupid late, and I haven’t been able to keep food down all week,” Jo’s voice was muffled as she pressed herself further in Alex’s chest, his fingers rubbing against her back in slow circles as her breathing became more erratic. “I’m so freaking stupid, I can’t believe this. I’m so dumb.”
Brows furrowed, Alex looked down at his girlfriend in worry. He’d never seen her this upset about something, leading him to believe that an unexpected pregnancy wasn’t the only thing clouding her mind at the moment, “You’re not stupid, I was there too. If anything I’m the stupid one.”
Jo sniffled, one hand coming up to wipe at her cheeks as she met Alex’s gaze. He’d never seen her so devoid of emotion, her face blank as she blinked up at him, “I’m ruining your life. I should’ve just let you go to Seattle without being tied to me because now you’re gonna be stuck with me and all this shit. You don’t deserve any of this.”
Alex’s face softened, his hands coming up to cradle Jo’s face tenderly. She was sitting here waiting for the results of a pregnancy test and she was worried about him instead of herself.
“Babe, you didn’t ruin anything, you never could. I’m not here because you’re forcing me to, I’m here because I want to be and because I love you,” brushing back her hair, Alex leaned his forehead against Jo’s. “No matter what happens, nothings going to change how I feel about you. Okay?”
“Can… Can you go look? Please.”
Rising from the floor, Alex walked into the bathroom and stared down at the three tests laying across the counter. Hands braced on the countertop, he let out a sigh as he looked back to Jo.
“Negative. All three are negative.”
Jo released the breath she had been holding, “Oh thank God… okay… okay.”
Alex stood silent for a moment and watched as Jo allowed a few tears to slide down her face. He crouched down next to her, one of the tests in his hands, “See. They’re negative. You’re probably just stressed about finals. It’s all good, we’re okay.”
“I’m relieved that it’s negative. I really am. We can’t handle this right now,” Jo spoke after a couple moments of silence. She looked up at Alex, eyes shining with unshed tears. “But… Is it wrong that I’m a little disappointed, though?”
Alex raised his eyebrows in surprise at her words. He and Jo never really talked about kids. It wasn’t something that was on either one of their radars. They were content with just the two of them. Alex had always assumed that he and Jo would be together until one or both of them died from old age. He didn’t need anything other than to have her by his side.
On top of all that, he didn’t think Jo wanted kids. Neither of them had very good upbringings, but Jo definitely had it worse than he did. Even though she’d never verbalized it, he knew she was afraid of being a bad mom to their hypothetical child. He supposed it was similar to the fear he had about being a horrible father, given his own history with crappy dads.
Alex's mouth twitched slightly, "It's not wrong. There's nothing wrong with feeling disappointed."
"I know, but we've never talked about it," Jo shrugged one shoulder. "I didn't even know I wanted it until just now. I've never thought about it. I've always assumed that I'd never find someone who'd want to do that with me."
That's when Alex understood. Even after three years, Jo still expected that one day he'd leave her. She thought that one day, he'd find someone better—as if that person existed—and she'd be alone. Jo didn't understand the concept of forever, she'd never had anyone stick around. It was a bit of a wake up call for him. Alex realized that he'd never been clear with his intentions.
“I guess this is my fault,” Alex rubbed the back of his neck and took a deep breath. “I’ve never said my intentions out loud because I thought they were all so obvious. I didn’t think they needed to be vocalized, but I’m not going anywhere. This ‘someone who would want to do that with you’ you thought you’d never find is me, Jo. I want it all with you. You are my home, and I never wanna go anywhere without you, do you hear me?”
Alex lifted Jo’s chin to make sure she was looking into his eyes. He noticed hers were full of tears and knew it was probably because nobody had ever said that to her before. Pulling her closer, he placed a kiss on her head, “And you don’t need to feel guilty about being disappointed.”
He moved his head so their foreheads touched, “Someday, when the right time comes, we’re gonna have a family to call our own. Until then, it’ll be just us, but we won’t need anybody else. We’re the only family we need, right? You and me,” Alex smiled, earning a smile and a chuckle from her. “We’re gonna have it all, Jo” he said.
“Someday,” Jo looked at him from the corner of her eyes with a shy smile.
Alex pulled her into a meaningful kiss, “Someday.”
#jolex#jolex fanfic#jo wilson#alex karev#keeping the fandom alive#jolex forever#jolex au#grey's anatomy#grey's anatomy fanfic#miranda bailey#lexie grey#jolexie#izzie stevens#pregnancy scare#fluff#future talks#someday#grey's anatomy au#grey's anatomy fanfiction#rebecca pope#addison montgomery#jo karev#jo x alex#i will go down with this ship#grey's fanfic#med school#the one where they met in med school
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Robin Story Part 2
(A/N) I’ll probably always have the gif problem. I mean i could technically use Maya Hawke but they have different energies and it feels wrong. Idk what 8 year olds learn so i do be guessing doe. I could ask but my siblings have already started school and its 6 A.M on a monday. Also I am the oldest. The shortest age gap between me and a sister is like 8 or 9 years so if this sounds like ‘hey bro’ it's cuz I got no experience. Very expositional sorry but I have decided a couple things. (Y/N) won't be a part of the mind flayer bs. It's obviously gonna be slow burn, kinda like strangers to friends to lovers.
About 1115 words not including (A/N) and posted on 8-17-2020. Also thank you for reading.
(Y/N) POV
Listen it's not like I’ve never talked to her but we have never had conversations especially not ones where she kinda knew my name. It was honestly nothing though I went after school to apply for the record store so i have something to do this summer when I don't need to watch my brother. Once I put in my application I left the mall to head home. “Took you long enough,” my sister Michelle said. “Sorry, I put in an application at a record store in StarCourt.” I mentioned. She looked at me like I was crazy “You can't be serious. You’re really just gonna put me out like that. Seriously, how selfish can you be. You think i want to waste my summer watching an 8 year old boy.” She objected. “I’m actually not it would just be it would be morning shift you can get ready for whatever you want to do for the day and i could be back before 12:30 and he's going to some summer camp from the day after school till July so you have literally all of June to go out and be popular or whatever.” I exclaimed rolling my eyes I mean I understand where she is coming from but why can’t I also have a life. “This is bullshit actual bull!” She screamed and stormed off. “I haven’t even gotten the job yet!” I yelled after her. I shook my head and went up to Eric’s room. “Hey, bud how was school?” I said in a voice that was a stark contrast to how I was just talking to Michelle. “It’s fine. I’m sorry about you guys having to watch me all the time.” He said in a sad voice which broke my heart. “You have nothing to be sorry about, baby. Watching you is not a problem for me at all. And if I get this job and have to quit when you get back in July then I will do it happily. You are no burden and I love you so much.” I did my best soothing voice hoping it would help. “I miss momma and daddy.” I sighed. “I know sweets I wish they’d hurry back from vacation and stay a little longer this time so you have time with them.” I feel bad for the kid because my parents have always gone on tons of vacations before we were born and then they accidentally got pregnant with me and left me with babysitters and had Michelle about a year after they had me, when i turned 12 I became a babysitter to an 11 year old and 4 year old. They come back for major holidays like christmas but they've made it to where they have to travel for work so now they have an excuse to miss birthdays, recitals, science fairs, and anything else they should've been to. They send money for food and bills. Every once and awhile a little spending cash. I’m honestly tired of them but I can't tell that to anyone except Scarlet but I can't call her to complain because it would break Eric's heart. “Yeah I hope so but I have you and Michelle even if she's grouchy.” He joked and I gave him a smile. “Did you do your homework?” I said hoping that would effectively change the subject. “No I need some help on it.” It worked! “Well boy genius, what do you got for me?” I asked. “Ugh, long division. Math sucks you know science is my thing.” He bragged. “Well hun, you are going to be pissed when you get in a higher grade and realize that math is a major part of science.” I pointed out to him. He got a messed up look on his face and got out his sheet. “So, do you need me to make dinner?” Michelle asked kinda mumbling. “If you can. You don't have to though I got it but it wont be till later.” I answered. “No, I got it.” She said walking off. I started to help him with his work. “I’m fine with it now, thanks.” He told me. “Are you sure? It makes sense now?” I made sure. “Yeah, still stupid though.” I laughed and shook my head leaving his room and walked into the kitchen. “Sorry about earlier I was just pissed from school.” She informed me. “It’s honestly nothing. What happened?” I prodded. “Nothing really I got kinda a low passing grade and then Sarah H told me that she hooked up with Rudy how she knew I liked and when I called her no one defended me. I don’t know I felt kinda alone. That stupid, right?” She told me. “It mad you feel bad so it isn’t stupid. And your friends should’ve at least backed you a little but I gotta say this would not have happened if you didn't go for a guy named Rudy.” I commented and her mouth dropped but like with a smile. “Hey now, at least i didn’t fuck Billy Hargrove in his car!” She taunted which made me laugh. “Oh so that wasn’t Tommy sneaking out your window when you were in 9th grade you could've at least, at least went for Steve but noooo. It had to be Tommy.” we laughed at that. “You know what you’re right. To be fair he was way too old to be messing with me.” She said mixing in the powder cheese shit into the mac and cheese she was making us. After we ate I sent Eric to take a bath and brush his teeth while Michelle washes. I start on my homework and the phone rings. I get to it first so I answer. “Hello? Who?” there was a beat. “Is this (Y/N) (Y/L/N)?” The man asks. “Um yeah who is this?” I said defensively. “This is Jim Hopper im the chief.” He informs me. “And?” I replied, kinda getting worried. “Well I am just letting you know that I have gotten multiple calls about a neglection case so I have to make a home visit on Saturday May 25.” He noted. “What's with the random day? Whats with the heads up?” I urged. “Its the last Saturday before school ends on Friday and I figured everyone should be home since you know Saturday. And the heads up is because i know the situation and I don't want you three to be separated and i could be fired for letting you know.” He tells me. “Well thats nice thanks I guess. See you on Saturday, Chief.” I said hanging up the phone. Shit.
#robin buckley x reader#robin buckley imagine#robin buckley#stranger things#stranger things imagine#it felt wrong to put a robin gif cuz no robin
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Whatever Comes Next
Pairing: Bucky x Reader and Steve x Reader (platonic-ish)
Word Count: about 3k
Warnings: cheating, swears
Square Filled: K4: Office/Corporate AU for @buckybarnesbingo
A/N: I’m so bad at timing. Were all these supposed to be spread out? Yes. Did I not realize that May 31 and June 1 were one after the other? Apparently not. But this is my entry for @buckysforeverprincess Hop Into Spring challenge! The prompt is bolded below. This was gonna be fluff and then… shit got weird. But I hope you still enjoy! Please send in requests!
You stood in your five-year-old daughter's room, flipping through her clothes until you found a suitable outfit. Your little family had been planning on seeing the Easter bunny at the mall for weeks now but Bucky kept canceling and Becca didn’t want to go without him, claiming she was nervous about it. You understood completely, in the pictures of you and the Easter bunny from your childhood, you look terrified- standing as far away from him as possible, while still being in the frame. Your daughter came bouncing into her room and flopped on her bed.
“What do ya think of this dress bug?” you asked her, holding up the slightly poofy dress with a vintage floral pattern on it.
“Yay!” she exclaimed, giving you a thumbs up.
You returned her gesture before hanging the dress on the back of her closet door and ushering her into the bathroom to give her a quick bath before the two of you got ready. You washed her quickly and brushed out her brown hair that looked almost exactly like Bucky’s and set her up with her favorite TV show on the iPad while you got ready. You styled your hair and started on your makeup when you felt a tap on your leg. You looked down at your blue-eyed daughter and smiled.
“Yes?” you questioned.
“Can I sit with you and watch you put your makeup on?”
You chuckled as you lifted her up onto the counter. Becca crossed her legs and watched intently as you applied your makeup quickly, giving her a kiss on her cheek when you finished your lipstick, causing her to burst out into giggles.
“How are my girls?” Bucky asked, suddenly appearing in the doorway. You had to admit, even after being together for nearly ten years, he still took your breath away. He had on a navy blue suit, his light blue shirt slightly open at the collar.
“Daddy!” Becca squealed, wiggling off the counter and running into her father’s legs, wrapping her arms tightly around him.
You squeezed past them into your room, running into the closet to grab your outfit for the day, a long-sleeved floral dress that stopped below your knees and some white flats.
“Let's get a picture with the Easter bunny!” you cheered, trying to hype up your daughter who was now balanced on Bucky’s hip.
“Yeah… about that…” Bucky started with a grimace.
You took a deep breath and tried to calm yourself down, you didn’t want to fight in front of Becca.
“Becca baby? Will you go get mommy’s phone from downstairs? And then wait in the kitchen?”
She smiled at you and Bucky kissed her head before setting her down. You watched her run down the stairs before turning your attention back to Bucky.
“Are you kidding me Bucky?! Again?!” you said, not trying to hide your annoyance.
“It’s work baby! If I don’t go close the Stark deal I’m done for. The proposal is this week. I gotta go!” he defended.
“It’s always work and you always have to go! What am I gonna do here huh? She wants her dad there with her today and you’re just gonna bail on her?!” you said, venom lacing your words.
Bucky just stood there staring at you, seemingly waiting for you to tire yourself out but you were far from done.
“Are you going to say anything? Or are you just gonna stand there? Just be her dad when you decide it’s convenient? It doesn’t fucking work like that James,” you seethed. “I cannot keep living like this. Becca can’t keep living like this. You have got to figure out who you’re gonna be in this Bucky. I’m tired of being a married single-parent. You need to make a choice.”
You pushed past him and went to find Becca. You found her sitting at the kitchen table playing with your phone and heard the front door slam- Bucky had left. You took a deep breath and prepared to put on your best fake smile when Becca spoke up.
“Daddy isn’t coming?”
You could see the tears threatening to fall down her face and you immediately crouched down beside her.
“He’s gotta work bug. But how about this, you wanna call Uncle Steve and see if he’ll come with us?”
Becca seemed to perk up at the mention of her favorite uncle, not that you would ever tell Sam that Steve was her favorite. You took your phone from her and got ready to dial.
“Do you wanna ask him or should I?”
“I wanna!” Becca replied quickly. You hit the call button and handed the phone over.
“Uncle Steve? It’s Becca!”
You couldn’t hear the other end of the conversation but whatever Steve said made her giggle.
“Will you please come to meet the Easter bunny with me and mommy?”
It didn’t take long for a full smile to spread across her face as she mumbled an ‘okay’ and handed the phone to you.
“He wants to talk to you.”
“Hey Stevie,” you said.
“Why are you making that kid meet the Easter bunny. He’s terrifying,” he said without preamble.
“I dunno. Family memories or some garbage. Will you come with us? She’s nervous and having her Uncle Steve come along might help.”
“Of course I’ll come. You know I’d do anything for that kid, including see the spooky bunny.”
“You are an absolute lifesaver! We’re leaving in a few minutes, I’ll text you the address?”
He agreed and you hung up your phone, quickly texting him where you were heading. You grabbed your purse and strapped Becca into her car seat and set off towards the mall. The two of you sang her favorite songs from The Little Mermaid the entire way, stopping only when your phone interrupted with a text from Steve, letting you know he was in the parking lot. About five minutes later, you pulled into a spot and smiled when you saw Steve getting out of his car two rows over. You hopped out as he jogged over, quickly beating you to the side of the car where Becca was humming to herself in her car seat. Steve quickly opened the door and you heard Becca’s excited squeal when she saw Steve. Steve unbuckled her and picked her up carrying her over to you. You reached out to grab her but she turned away from you and buried her face in Steve’s neck.
“I’ve been betrayed by my own daughter,” you scoffed sarcastically.
“Yeah well, she knows who the fun one is,” Steve replied.
You leaned towards Steve and gave him a hug and a peck on the cheek. You took a moment to admire how he was dressed, a sweater over his checkered shirt, paired with a black tie and black pants. It suddenly dawned on you that he probably had other plans.
“Oh my God Steve.”
“Oh my God what?” he asked.
“Did you have plans today?! I cannot believe-”
“Woah, slow down,” he said, cutting you off. “I didn’t have plans and even if I did I would drop them for the two of you in a second.”
You breathed a sigh of relief and gestured for Steve to lead the way into the mall. He looked over at you briefly while you were distracted on your phone. He meant it when he said he would do anything for you and Becca. He cared for the two of you more than he would ever admit. You were his best friend’s girl but even Steve could see that Bucky hadn’t been as prepared for fatherhood as he thought. So Steve had stepped up, doing everything he could to make sure you and Becca knew that you had someone to turn to if things got too rough.
The three of you quickly found yourself in a line of parents and children, some of whom were crying. Other kids were screaming and a select few were quietly waiting their turn. Steve put Becca down to let her explore and so he could talk to you with some semblance of privacy.
“You know I’m overjoyed to be here,” he said, slight sarcasm coating his words. “But why isn’t Buck here?”
“Work,” you replied, rolling your eyes.
“Work?” Steve questioned. “What work? It’s Sunday. They would have called me too if something had happened.”
Steve and Bucky held nearly identical positions at Sheild, a tech company founded by Nick Fury. They were essentially both second in command.
“I dunno. He said he had to work on the Stark deal for this week.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“What are you talking about Steve? I don’t work there!”
“The Stark deal already closed…” he replied carefully. “I don’t know why he said that. But the deal was done last week, even the drop period ended.”
“So why is he at the office?” you pressed.
“I swear, I have no idea,” Steve defended.
“You would tell me if you knew something right?”
“Of course I would! I don’t know why he would say he’s at the office.”
“Steve… I need you to be honest with me right now,” you started. “Is he cheating on me?”
“I’m always honest. I could never lie to you. That being said, I don’t know. He hasn’t said anything to me but even he knows telling me would be a dumb move.”
You silently looked off to the side, avoiding Steve’s gaze. You had been worried that something was going on with someone else. Bucky had been staying at the office later and more often than usual. You knew Steve wouldn’t lie to you but you also couldn’t shake the sinking feeling that something was wrong.
“Mommy!” Becca yelled, bringing your attention back to her. “Look! Bunnies!”
You followed her finger and sure enough, there were three or four white bunnies in a little pen in the middle of the chaos. Ever the curious kid, Becca started pestering you with questions. She finally landed on one you weren’t ready for.
“Why do they have bunnies here?”
You could clearly see they were meant to be sold, something you already didn’t agree with. But you also didn’t want Becca to know they were available to take home, knowing she would spend the foreseeable future begging you for one.
“They’re um…” you trailed off, searching for an answer that wouldn’t end in you taking home a bunny.
“They’re the Easter Bunny's helpers, Bec,” Steve chimed in.
Becca gave Steve a skeptical look.
“I don’t believe you. Why would the Easter bunny need helpers?”
“Well,” Steve said, crouching down to Becca’s height. “The Easter bunny has to get around just like Santa does right?”
Becca gave him a nod of confirmation, although she still looked skeptical.
“These bunnies are his helpers, like how Santa has elves!”
Becca looked between Steve and the bunnies a few times before nodding and smiling at him.
“How do you know so much stuff?” Becca asked Steve.
“Because I’m a grownup. But no one knows more than your mom.”
“She’s the smartest,” Becca confirmed.
“That’s exactly right,” Steve said with a chuckle.
Before you knew it, it was your turn to sit with the Easter Bunny. He waved at Becca who instantly grabbed Steve’s hand and shuffled closer to him.
“It’s okay Becs! All those other kids did it,” you tried comforting.
“No,” she mumbled, pressing into Steve’s legs. You rubbed her back and looked up at Steve, already accepting defeat.
“Hey Becs,” he said, crouching down to look her in the eye. “Why don’t you go up there with your mom? It’ll probably make you feel better.”
“You too,” Becca whispered.
Steve looked over at you and you nodded enthusiastically.
“Okay, c’mon!” he cheered, picking her up and walking her over to the bunny. You walked over to the seat and smiled at the bunny, still a little uneasy around them. Steve handed you Becca and you perched yourselves on the arm of the chair next to the Easter Bunny and Steve came up behind you, rubbing your arm to calm you down.
The three of you smiled for the picture and it was all over quickly. You picked Becca back up and carried her over to the photo counter to make your purchases. You admired the picture of the three of you, Becca looked adorable and Steve looked handsome as always. You looked like a family- except you weren’t. Your husband was off doing God knows what and you were here with his best friend. It should have felt wrong. But looking at that picture and thinking back on all the times Steve had been there for you and Becca, all the things Bucky had missed out on but Steve had been there for, it felt natural.
“Hey,” Steve said, lightly touching your elbow. “You okay?”
“Yeah, of course. Why?”
“Because I mentioned ice cream and you’re not frothing at the mouth,” he said with a chuckle.
“Actually, can you do me a huge favor?” you asked, getting an idea.
“Can you take my car and take Becca to ice cream? I’ll meet the two of you over there in a little bit?”
“What are you gonna do?” Steve questioned worriedly.
“I’m gonna swing by the office real quick. Just check in on Bucky.”
“I’m not sure you wanna do that…” he said.
“I do Steve. I do want to do this. I have to know. I really have to know what’s going on. I can’t just keep wondering!”
“Okay, alright. I’ll take Becs for ice cream. But please be careful,” he warned.
You and Steve walked Becca out to the car, she was so excited about ice cream with Steve that she wasn’t even worried that you weren’t with them. You gave her a kiss on the head and hugged Steve, promising you would be to the ice cream shop soon.
As you drove over to the office building where Bucky worked, you couldn’t help the building feeling of dread that was building in your stomach. When you met Bucky, you thought you had met the man that you would spend the rest of your life with. Now you weren’t so sure. The past few years had been hard, something had shifted between you and Bucky and neither of you knew how to get back on track, not that either of you had really tried talking about it.
Before you knew it and probably before you were ready, you were pulling into the parking lot of the office building. You used the badge Bucky had given you years ago to get into the building without having to buzz up.
You quickly made your way through the office building, walking into the elevator and pushing the button for Bucky’s floor. The doors opened and you quietly stepped out. All the lights were off except for one, the light in Bucky’s office. Maybe he was working after all and just got jumbled with who’s contract he was working on. As you neared the closed door, your stomach dropped. A girlish giggle followed by some low murmurs made your entire body tense. Before you could chicken out, you whipped open his office door.
Bucky was leaning against his desk, wrinkled clothes haphazardly throw on while his secretary, Jill, was standing between his legs with her arms around his waist and her lips on his neck.
“Really Bucky?!” you yelled, causing him to jump and push Jill away. “Your fucking secretary?! Could this be any more cliche right now?!”
“Baby… what are you doing here?” he said, moving towards you.
You took a step back and threw your hands up in surrender.
“Don’t touch me. Keep your goddamn hands off me.”
Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Jill gathering her things hastily and preparing to exit.
“Nope, you stay,” you said with a false smile. “You stay Jill. I’m leaving.”
You turned your attention back to Bucky.
“I want you out of the house. I don’t care where you go but you’re not coming home to me.”
“Sweetheart,” Bucky said, trying once again to reach out for you.
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t be enough for you anymore Bucky. I’m sorry that me and your daughter weren’t enough.”
With that, you turned around and left, closing the door behind you and jogging to the elevator. You made it in and when the doors closed, your tears began to fall. You felt stupid. How could you not have seen this coming? You briefly wondered how long it had been going on but quickly pushed the thought away; none of the answers would make you feel better. You got back into Steve’s car and after confirming that they were still at the ice cream shop, you set off in that direction. The sunlight hit your wedding ring, drawing your attention to it. You glared at it for a moment before pulling it off and throwing it in your purse.
You were so lost in thought that you didn’t realize you were at your destination. You took a deep breath and leaned your head on the steering wheel. You couldn’t think about the disaster that was your marriage right now. You needed to be a mom first. You wiped your eyes and got out of the car, walking into the ice cream shop and searching for Becca and Steve.
“Mommy!” Becca yelled from her spot on Steve’s lap.
You walked over and sat across from them, kissing Becca’s head as you went. Steve watched you carefully. He could tell something was wrong and when he saw your naked ring finger, he knew. Steve reaches out and squeezed your hand that was laying on the table. You gave him a shaky smile and squeezed back. Steve didn’t care if Bucky was his best friend. He would be there for you no matter what came next.
#hopintospring3K#Bucky Barnes bingo 2019#Bucky Barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes writing#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#steve rogers fanfiction#Steve Rogers#steve rogers x reader#steve rogers imagine#steve rogers one shot#steve rogers x you#steve rogers x y/n#cheating
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2019
a whole summary of this difficult year
2019 was full of unexpected good and bad surprises along with lessons and experiences.
january
spent good time with mocha, wayo and brian
had such a good time with guildies from our game
met up with some other ppl from the same game and didnt feel too good bc i was never good with crowds and/or groups that were already well established
tried tinder for the first time because i thought it would be nice to put myself out there for once
feburary
continued my tinder journey and actually had fun with it. it was pretty scary at the same time because it was such a new experience talking to other people and to have them notice you? because i always knew and felt that i wasnt really the desirable one.
actually hooked up with a guy from last months meetup and hung out twice. thought it was going somewhere because he, too, showed signs to progress further ((was wrong because he lied and showed red flags later))
one major red sign to me: no response after genuinely saying thank you for rides and dinner. im the type of person who always says thank you because im honestly grateful for the little and big things. he basically shrugged it off.
also, a huge liar. yah, big no
i brought him to my friends birthday bc they and himself wanted to meet each other, it was fun while it lasted but stuff happened
towards the end of the month, i cut my ties off with him for being awfully mean to me and also cut ties with my “friends” for having really bad assumptions of me.
i was frustrated with myself at that time bc his cats gave me a bad breakout and i felt super ugly. also i wasnt sad over him, but over the fact that i let myself be treated like a second option. eventually i learned that it was good that i didnt let things go further and that i only deserve the very best.
even though i was hurt, i thought it was a good experience, esp since i havent really been in the “dating game” for years. like it was a just a small step to putting myself out there once again
a week later after that a classmate asked me out and got tons of compliments from him and wondered “the universe really works in crazy ways”
march
met some cool people through the same mobile game on a discord server and they were much better than the first group.
also met this really funny dude in the same group. like he was so fun to talk to and he understood my dumb lingo
remember when my classmate asked me out on a date? it turned out a bit weird. but considering this was my first date in YEARS i thought it was a cool experience. got some carne asada fries outta him
i had the dude i was talking to call me so i could leave the date tho LOL ((he helped me lots, esp how to deal with awkward situations with my classmate. also at this point, i really liked talking to him but i wasnt rly sure if i wanted to date other guys bc i had been hurt previously)
this month was pretty much dedicating most of my time talking to him and i enjoyed it alot
also went to pubs for the first time to hangout with my coworkers. such an interesting place
april
tried rollerskating for the first time ever, ended up with a bunch of bruises but it was cool!
also tried 7leaves for the first time and instantly fell in love with mungbean
also went clubbing in sf with my friends and it was such a fun time like i had SO much fun
i got auctioned off of SAD! that phase was just a crazy ride. while there was many that dm’d me, there was only one special person that i only replied to and continued to talk to him on a daily basis
((honestly, i was scared that i was taking things a bit further with him because a part of me was like “are you ready for this?” and “have you really recovered from that guy?” or “can you give this guy your all?” just alot of overthinking))
spent 4/20 at sf with my friends, and overall had a GREAT time. took too many hits and drank so ya gorl was crossfaded. not sure if i wanna do tht again tho
unfortunately woke up with a swollen face and it lasted for a LONG time.
may
so my face is still swollen, still bad, red as a tomato and at this point i was really hesitant to meet up with the guy ive been talking to. i mean!! my skin was SO bad. i felt like i was gonna make a fool out of myself by scaring him away
but,,,, he was still willing to see me despite my appearance and : ( he was so accepting and typing this makes my heart ache bc he is SUCH a good man : (
i met up with the guy towards the end of the month in sj and first thing he does when i walk up to him is give me this great warm hug and so many smooches !!!!!!! like my heart is melting
eventually we became official !!! he got us an airbnb for the night and we jus spent time cuddling on the bed and honestly i : ( i like him so much
june
my birthday wasnt rly that like “wow” it was actually kinda annoying
my bf flew up to sf where we met up, explored the city and slept the night in at an airbnb. next day went to oakland where i introduced my friends to him!
went to my first festival with several with my friends, including ppl from our same guild from our game and it was SO fun
rolled for the first time and it was SUCH an experience. redosed like twice and ended up hallucinating which is something ill def not do again
also i really wished my bf was with me at that time : ( while i had an extremely fun time, i wish i shared that moment with him : (
july
went to vegas for my cousins 22nd bday. shit was wild
also rolled there.
also threw up for the very first time
a fight broke out at the club and that shit was fuckgin CRAZY and it was RIGHT next to our table
also used alot of my money for the whole trip in which nobody really told me about so …. i was like ok.. fuck …
also my skin was still bad during these past months so it was pretty hard masking it
like really hard. with someone with terrible eczema, its just extremely hard to hide it
august
bf flew to sac!!! he met my mom for the first time and we explored the city and stuff
and went on an ikea date! and! honestly i just really loved spending time with him :c
we also spent time with my friends! they came over also! and ate some fuckgin bomb ass waffles
and then took bus down to la to meetup with some friends from our guild towards the end of the month!
it was pretty nice to be able to stay with my bf in his apartment !!!!!
also some scalding tea but thats rly for another time
to make it super short tho: our friend that we’ve known much longer than the girl he met (less than 3 months) dropped our friendship SO quick lol
september
cousin bonding @ beach, too cold for tht doe
towards the end of the month, my bf flew me down!!! so i spent the weekend with him and like always, only had a good time with him!
AND ALWAYS EATING GOOD FOOD!
october
during this fall semester, i took online classes and one of them was a 8week class. there was a topic about mental health and how we can take care of ourselves better and i just thought it was such an important thing to cover. i feel like its not talked about enough
november
spent thanksgiving with my family down in morgan hill and ate good food! honey ham has a special place in my heart.
went black friday shopping first at walmart, lowkey disappointed in myself because i was bummed out the apple watches were sold out. the materialistic part of me jumped out oof
slept at my cousins then went to the mall! didnt get anything besides really good bulgogi fries. i hated going into stores tho cuz everything was literally crowded. hated it !!!!!!!
went to a small festival in sacramento with my friends at the end of the month and this time is 7 of us (than the usual 5)! it was sososo fun.
also took my coworker with me, it was actually amusing to see bc our group were all asian and he’s the only tall white guy
made hotpot at home and we also went out for milktea and waffles again! sooo good.
december
flew down to see my bf again and only had a good time! went to this garden with beautiful lights and ! ugh! SO pretty!
cried in his bed before my flight back, cried on the plane, cried at home and cried before i slept. i miss him
also racked up alot of hours so i could pay for my tuition and my family’s bills. kinda sucks bc im pretty tired but i gotta do what do i gotta do.
christmas was a bit lonely bc my mom went to the philippines and i dont rly talk to my brother but my kuya came the next day and we ate n watched stuff
overall, it was a whacky year. but im so glad to have met ed. he means SO much to me. a part of me was so hesitant to date him because i mean, he’s man with his life set. i dont have a car, im still in school, i have this part time job where im giving my mom all my paychecks and which the only money im keeping is just my tips (not much), i still have issues with myself and other conflicts and honestly theres much to do, learn and grow from. but he’s so supportive, understanding and loving and i love and appreciate him from the bottom of my heart. most of the time i wonder if im doing and if im being enough for him. i worry about that alot but he’s so patient with me. i laugh alot when im with him and i feel so happy.
did i mention that we are long distance? him being in la and me in sacramento. so the only thing thats connecting us is facetime. maybe once every two months will i see him in person but yep. when i had my first panic attack, i really wanted him right next to me. at that moment i felt even more sad because of course you’re gonna want you’re significant other during a moment like that. but anyways, i always miss him and i always want him next to me and i always love him. i want to hurry up and get my education done with so i can be with him. not to sound like omg im so madly infatuated with him type of thing tho. he’s someone who understands me and knows how to love me.
i hope 2020 treats me well despite all the challenges ahead of me.
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Lost in a Loop (#02)
Kim Jongdae x Fem!Reader
You keep losing your memory every time you fall asleep. Is it possible for someone like you to live a normal life and experience a romance that lasts a lifetime?
Word Count: 5.1k
Genre: Fluff, Angst;
Title Track: To Reach You (Memory Control, PD48)
Warning: lots of occasional swearing bc idk, they’re all stupid kids and need help with their anger management (war of hormones, otl) & a bit of violence & drinking; also lots of cringey moments; -Rosy out;
#02 Enchanting.
- May 05th, 2018
“You're up late today, son.” Jongdae winced under the stern glance of his father, fastening his steps as he made his way through the living room, with the kitchen as his destination.
He had ended up falling asleep around 5 in the morning, and now, five hours of nightmares and uncomfortable twisting and turning later, he had decided to get up and call it a night. He was sure you had already gotten up, not remembering a letter of the conversation you'd had with him, but he was worried.
Why did she do that?, he constantly questioned himself as he poured himself the rest of the instant coffee his father had prepared for breakfast, Why did she ask me about my feelings? Is she interested in me? He felt a tiny spark of hope flare up behind his sternum, but then again it also could have just been the heat of the beverage in his cup.
He flipped the case of his phone aside and opened said conversation, shaking a bit when he saw your profile picture next to your name.
Do you love me?
I don't know, he kept whining in his head, How am I supposed to know? I'm eighteen years old, for fuck's sake. Frustrated, he slammed the phone shut again and sat down with a bowl of cereal in hand. I must have been out of my mind when I said yes- let her reread our conversation and she'll think I'm a creep. Shit.
~
As if on cue, his father stepped into the room the moment Jongdae hat put the last bit of milk in his mouth, spoon still hanging from his lips when the bowl was snatched away from him.
“Ey! Dad!”, he exclaimed, his father gifting him with another stern look.
“It's Saturday, Jongdae.”
“I wanted to at least eat some breakfast before I meet up with the guys and-”
“Didn't you promise me to help out today because you got home late yesterday?”
Ah, true. Detention had caused him to get home late yesterday. He mentally kicked Chanyeol, but then again, his friend had gotten the worst punishment ever after school in form of his harpy girlfriend.
“So... you really want me to help out at the clinic today?” His father simply nudged his shoulder, ignoring the pout on his Jongdae's face.
“Money is earned through hard work, son- especially when it comes to part-time jobs.”
“Uh-huh”, Jongdae answered, gulping down the rest of his still hot coffee -Seriously, how long had he sat down for breakfast? Five minutes?- and got up to follow his father through the entrance area and the white door that connected the living space of the house with the vet clinic his father owned.
“So, what can I help you with? Did the supplies arrive yet?” His father blinked at him, obviously impressed, nodded and motioned for Jongdae to go outside where the packages stood. “Nice. Let me stash them away for you.”
The elder nodded, a hand on his son's shoulder before he went back into the clinic. “If you need help, you know where your good old dad is.” But Jongdae quickly sent him back inside, happy to have something to do that would occupy him.
~
I must have been out of my mind.
Jongdae wondered if he had actually hoped to be able to forget about last night, or if he had wanted to reminisce in old memories when he'd told his dad he would take care of the delivered supplies. The more he got used to his task, the wider his thoughts trailed off into the distance, and whenever he set a foot into the storage room, all he could think about were the many times the two of you used to hide in there when you played hide-and-seek with the others.
He was sure that tending to the customers as they waited inside would have been much more effective than stashing away pills and cat food.
Do you love me?
“Morning! Nice weather, isn't it?” He greeted you, making his voice sound extra cheerful. His father snickered from inside the clinic. Oh, shit.
But his face fell for a moment when he saw you simply standing there, watching him with your eyebrows up, slightly chewing on your bottom lip. Another oh, shit moment, taking into count how pretty you looked with your hair down and your white skirt swaying in the gentle breeze.
Jongdae did his best to regain his confidence by clearing his throat.
“What? Cat's got your tongue?” He laughed, mentally shitting himself when he didn't see your face lighting up.
“Oh, good... morning”, you muttered, starting to shift under his intense gaze because it made you feel awkward, “I just didn't know we were... close enough to greet each other in public.”
Ouch.
“Of- of course we are, we're classmates. We should always greet each other, in and out of school!”
You mustered him up and down, making him feel like he shrunk down to bite-size under your earnest expression. “...I see. Well, are we done here? Since we greeted each other?” He released a sigh that fit his deflated expression and merely nodded, seeing you smile at him with a slight bow and starting to walk on, when-
“Please- wait, there's actually something I gotta ask-” Jongdae was relieved when you turned around on your heels and blinked at him, the edges of your mouth rising once more. He felt his stomach twist as the heat crept up his cheeks, unstoppable and cruel.
Do you love me?
It's either that or the sun's finally getting the best of me.
~
“You should have told me about the project for chemistry earlier! I could have grabbed my books and made my way here right away.” You exclaimed as Jongdae's father handed you a glass of juice, ice cubes clinking gently when you took a sip. “Chemistry is important to you, isn't it? Only if you still want to become a scientist in the future, that is.”
Jongdae nearly choked on a cube he was chewing on when he realized you had actually memorized a fact that was related to him, but his hopes where crushed right away when you mentioned you had skipped through your last year book because you had gotten curious about your friends' wishes for the future and had read about him there as well.
“I...”
He scratched his neck, obviously thinking of a smart remark he could surprise you with, when the voice of his dad came to his rescue.
“...So, Y/N, how is Nemo doing these days?” Mr. Kim directed his curious eyes at you while filling his own glass. “I haven't seen him strolling around our house for a while now.”
“I actually thought of paying you a visit with him today- he hasn't been eating at all today, but my mom said he's never been that much of an eater, so it might be the weather?”
Jongdae furrowed his eyebrows, clearly remembering you telling Yeri about Nemo gobbling down a whole bowl of cat food within a minute. He also remembered you asking your mom for your allowance in advance because you had to buy him more food, and when she said no, you had begged Jongdae to gift you with cat food for your birthday four years ago.
“Well, Nemo's about 15 years old, after all. It could be the weather, or it could be that he's just becoming more lazy as he becomes older, but maybe you should bring him here regardless of that- you were supposed to come here for his yearly check-up in June, anyway.”
You nodded at that, visibly happy to have such a great vet to take care of Nemo, your furry best friend. “I'll try to pay you a visit with him on Monday, then.”
Jongdae, who had been getting more or less lost in his memories, his gaze fixated on your beaming face, shrinked a little when you suddenly directed your attention at him again.
“So, do you want to start with the chemistry project right away? I could go home and get my things for-”
Yes. Yes- Say yes for god's sake! An unknwon voice kept screaming in his head, screaming at him to give in to what seemed like his chance to spend some time alone with you, but the feeling of his heart thumping so fast that it seemed to be about to burst caused him to do otherwise.
“I, eh- Sorry, but I already have plans for today.” Jongdae was sure of his mind playing tricks on him, because, for a mere second, he thought he'd seen your face fall- but he was sure he'd been wrong when you smiled at him and his dad as you got up- obviously, you were getting ready to leave.
“In that case, I'll be on my way to the grocery store. It was nice to chat with the two of you- Mr. Kim, Jongdae.” You waved at them before grabbing your bag and exiting the back of their clinic.
Jongdae's gaze followed your swaying hair when he was suddenly nudged by his father, making him groan. “Dad-”
“I already told you when you were ten and I know it made you cry, but I'll disown you if you don't make her my in-law, Jongdae.”
Blushing, Jongdae got up, his dad handing him some money before he practically ran out to follow you.
~
“Didn't you say you were a bit short on time because you had plans today?” You eyed him curiously, raising your eyebrows a bit at the large smile that had been plastered on his face ever since he'd managed to take you to this ice cream parlor a few minutes away from the grocery store.
“Yeah, I mean, I don't think we'd have had enough time to finish the project today because of that.”
“Who are you meeting up with, by the way?” Jongdae took his time before answering, his mind fully captivated by the redness that was crawling up your neck and, finally, cheeks, or the sight of you fumbling with the hem of your dress to avoid eye contact.
“I'm... going to meet the guys- Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and a few others you might not really know.”
“Oh. I see... like a guys' night out?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Not really- Y-you could even tag along if you want. There will be other girls you could chat or play with.”
Something in your chest stirred, causing you to look anything but pleased.
He had known. He'd noticed how perfect -well, regarding your actual relationship- everything had been going today. He'd been seeing you in town on your own a few times, greeting you and sometimes even chatting with you, but sooner or later, there'd always been something -someone- to distract you and pull you away from him. Today had been the day, and he wouldn’t have been Kim Jongdae if he hadn’t known how to ruin it for himself.
“What's up?” The burning sensation of his palm on your shoulder made you stop mid-action, your eyes darting upwards to meet his. Jongdae felt somewhat intimidated by the expression you were now gazing at him with, but it didn't make him feel uncomfortable at all. It was the first time in two years, he realized. The first time ever since his birthday two years ago, ever since you’d caused him to think you were feeling the way he did
Why did I even answer you? I should have apologized, nothing more. Stop getting so sentimental, Jongdae.
“I don't know if I should be honest with you, Kim Jongdae.” Your eyes darted back to the floor, head shaking merely as if to support your thoughts, negativities he wasn't supposed to hear. “I don't know if I should really trust you that far-” His breath got stuck somewhere between his nose and his lungs when you suddenly grabbed one of his hands with yours, and gosh, were they small. And soft. Jongdae would have bet on them even smelling good-
“But despite everything my friends keep telling me, despite everything that's written about you in my diary, I feel like I want to trust you.”
“You...” He barely withstood the urge to hold on to your hand, but he managed to gently push it away in the end. “I don't think you should be trusting someone like me, Y/N.”
“My diary says so, too- but somehow, meeting you like this made me feel otherwise.”
The boy scowled. He’d thought he’d heard wrong before, but- “Your... diary?”
You blushed, but went on either way. “Yes, well, it's rather something like a notebook I use to keep up with the most important details of my daily life. To remember the things I... I forget about.” It was weird for you to talk about something so... private, but it also felt good to have someone listen and you had to admit that, different from what your diary had said, Jongdae seemed to be a nice person- and a great listener. “I wonder what my friends would do if they saw me opening up to you that much.” You laughed a little, but stopped when you saw Jongdae's face darken.
“I'm sure they already would have pulled you away from me, just like they always do.” It was your time to furrow your brows. “They seem to think I'm a bad influence for someone like you- and they may be right, I don't know.”
“What makes you think that?” You wondered what he -someone like Jongdae- could have done to be pushed away by your small group of friends, who were both also kind and caring enough to take someone like you in. Instead of eagerly reaching for his hand, you grabbed the string of your bag for something like... an anchor in the midth of the mess that was your head. “Did something happen between our friends? You and one of the girls-”, you paused, taking a deep breath to calm your own nerves-” or even us?”
Jongdae felt your eagerness giving him goosebumps. Despite whatever he had thought before, he was sure that something deep, deep inside of you wanted to get close to him again- and seeing how you were seemingly pulled to him made him feel indescribably soft. Like the matching poles of two magnets someone kept pulling apart.
He could practically feel his heart swell with every word of honesty you spoke- because lying, he guessed, was something you were not capable of. “I... Honestly, I don't know.”
He didn't want to risk hurting you by accidentally making you try to remember anything about yourself too much, but he had to admit he was just as curious as you. He still remembered the last day the two of you hung out freely, the last day he had made you laugh and carried your backpack. He had thought about it over and over again, but had never managed to find a reason for you to leave his side when he had thought that you'd -eventually, if only the heavens had been on his side-
felt just like him. “We stopped being close two years ago. Believe it or not, but I have no idea why.”
He saw your face fall, shoulders hanging, and it took him all of his self-discipline not to step up to you and engulf you in a hug. He could have easily done so, maybe you even wanted him to- and yet, he would have felt as if he was taking advantage of your situation. Jongdae was no coward (just sometimes, he secretly was), but taking your situation into count, he still wanted to leave the first steps of whatever the two of you were heading up to to you. He had been used to matching up to your pace, and he had promised himself he would never throw himself right at you (unless you wanted him to, and heck, how often did he catch himself thinking back to the old times, where you'd tug on his shirt for a hug)- he wanted to give you the space and time you needed to get used to him again, no matter how long it'd take.
So instead of getting closer, he shifted around awkwardly, his shoes causing the earth beneath them to scrunch a little. He nodded over to the parlor you’d been sitting next to for the time being. “So... you wanna go get some ice cream?”
But all you could do was shake your head. “I'm not sure if I'm still in the mood for ice cream...”
Jongdae bit his lip, this time unable to hold his hand back as it reached out to you on its own, a gentle pat on your back causing you to smile. “We could share? Eating something delicious may brighten your mood. What's your favourite flavour?”
You smiled at him, and his heart skipped a beat.
How could you not feel happier again, when Jongdae was trying so hard to cheer you up?
~
“You want to know about... what?”
You patiently waited while Yerim and Sooyoung looked at each other as if you'd just told them you'd move away tomorrow and never come back.
“I don't think there's anything worth knowing, sweetheart.” But Yerim's furrowed brows told you otherwise.
“I would like to know what happened between me and Jongdae”, you started, casually sipping on your shaken sweet tea. “ Something must have happened. I feel like we'd be much closer if it didn't- and he said he's clueless himself.”
You saw your friends scoffing in unision. “He's what?!” Sooyoung slammed her hands on the table, half of the customers in the small café you'd met up in looking at her in shock. “He's a fucking idiot, Y/N, a fucking idiot! He's just as evil as his friends are!-”
“When did you even talk to him?”, Yerim asked as she yanked Sooyoung's butt back into her seat.
“Today. We met in front of his house and spontaneously went for ice cream.” You tried your hardest not to smile, but the glow on your face was impossible to hide. “I thought that if anyone would know, it should either be you or his friends.”
“Sweetie...” Yerim took your hands and gently pressed them while Sooyoung huffed and threw her head back, cheeks puffed in anger and frustration. “You know, it's not like we don't know about your feelings for Jongdae, but...”
“Yeri, stop. I don't want her to get close to these three pieces of garbage ever again. I gave Chanyeol another chance, and you saw what he made of it-”
“Why is this about you again, Sooyoung? Does each and every conversation have to revolve around you and that wanna-be-punk?”
“He's not- I mean, of course not”, the taller girl exclaimed, irritation washing over her face and revealing her inner state. “You know that all I want is to protect our friend from getting her heart broken over and over again- Park, Byun, Kim, they’re all the same kind of idiots. Insensitive, unbelievably mean and-”
“Girls, girls, girls- I fucking love him! ”, you threw in, both of your friends now looking at you, eyes wide and mouths agape. “This is my life, after all. I am a part of this group. I feel like I have every right to know about whatever happened between all of us.”
“It’s all in the past, sweetie, we should all calm down and think about what’s ahead of us, I guess”, Yeri patted your hand while Sooyoung raised her hand to order another round of tea and coffee for the three of you, but even the sugar-coated cookies she demanded as well could distract you.
“Sooyoung. Yeri. Please. You know me- my past, my future, everything’s unknown to me. The two of you are my number one source for everything that’s happened to me in the past years. What do you think I should do if even the two of you stop backing me up? What should I do with my future if I don’t even know who I am because my past is nothing but blurry?” Ugh, how you hated it to play that card- but it seemed to work just fine.
“Sooyoung, I read about your break-up. Heck, I don’t even know how to comfort you because I barely even know what it’s like to love someone, to be loved, or to be broken up with and miss someone- I want that, too, no matter the outcome.” You leaned over to them, a pleading look on your face. You felt like crying, andeventually, it showed- because even if you had just started to act like a kicked puppy to convince them, it was true. You were scared of your future- but what scared you the most was spending your present without living. You still wanted to go out and have fun, live and love like everyone else. You were convinced that even for someone like you, romance was a possibility as long as your partner was someone who cared. Someone who tried- someone like him, you added in your head.
Just this once, please.
You saw the two of them exchanging glances, with Yeri biting her lip and Sooyoung blinking a tad bit too fast, trying to hide her watery eyes.
“Fine, but... please don't swear again. Sooyoung's rubbing off on you way too much.”
“Stop babying me, Yeri. You're younger than me!”
“Who cares about two months-” Sooyoung interrupting her by smacking the blonde's head made you crack up.
“What did you just say? I didn't hear you, Kim Yerim, I guess your bad hearing's rubbing off on me!”
~
Jongdae's mind was a freaking mess. With the memories of the past years and today all mixed together, the moments of tension that had practically drained him, he didn't even feel like attending Baekhyun's small party anymore- he would've rather spent time alone to think, to remember.
But he'd promised after all, and he had also said yes to band practice being set up for today due to the detention he'd gotten because Chanyeol'd behaved like a fucking caveman in class. He smiled, eyes crinkling in delight. He was reall walking through heaven and hell with that boy, but he was living for it- they were friends, after all.
“Yo, guys! It's me!”, he exclaimed as he opened the door to the small wooden hut in the Byuns' backyard, “What's going on?”
The guys immediately handed him a can of beer -Baekhyun's dad was a seemingly sad example of a single father, allowing the boys to drink at home to “man up” (when in reality, he rather had them drink at home than somewhere else, but how uncool did that sound)- and immediately discussed which song to play as an opening for tonights party and some new stuff Chanyeol had come up with, when Baekhyun put an arm around Jongdae's shoulders and slomped down next to him on the old, red leather sofa that had been a part of the Byuns' livingroom until three years ago, when Baekhyun had somehow managed to burn a butt-sized hole into one of the seats.
“I guess something good happened today? You're pretty much thrilled up today!” Jongdae sent a silent toast to his two friends and emptied his can before speaking.
“Well, you could say so. Nice weather-”
“-nice skirt, you mean.” Chanyeol took a seat in a blue armchair opposite to them. Baekhyun eyed them curiously, while Jongdae tried to hide in the collar of his shirt, immediately getting the hint.
“Your date was wearing a nice skirt today- a bit too long for my taste, but you've always been the conservative one here- Ey!”, the giant exclaimed when Jongdae's beer can collided with his head.
“Date? You were on a date?! Why didn't you tell us you had a girl wrapped around your little finger? Who is it? Spill the tea already!!” Baekhyun nudged Jongdae's side, obviously proud of his buddy.
Jongdae opened his mouth to speak, but before he could make sure that whatever answer he was going to give seemed solid, Chanyeol rolled his eyes and, holding his head, added “Naw, just kidding. I saw him in town with Brainy. They were eating ice cream. Should've seen them, Dae was so much into acting all lovey-dovey and sharing with her, I thought he was going to feed her at any moment- AH!” He tried to hold back his laughter, but failed miserably and ended up stubbing his toe at the coffee table.
“Serves you right!”, Jongdae happily yelled, before turning around to get some nice comment out of Baekhyun. “Doesn't it- hey, what's up? Someone stole your tongue?” He furrowed his eyebrows, repeating his friend's past action and nudging his shoulder playfully- but all he got was Baekhyun shoving him away and off the sofa. “Ey, what the fuck was that for?!”
“So, you're seeing her now?”, Baekhyun growled, head hanging low enough for his bangs to hide his face. “You're seeing each other? You're finally dating that sad excuse of a bitch- Fine, congratulations.” He made an attempt to get up and walk over to his keyboard, but Jongdae was faster- he jumped up from his position on the floor and pushed Baekhyun back to the couch, making him trip over his own feet and causing him to fall backwards with his back hitting the leather first. “Jongdae, what the fuck?!”
“What's your fucking problem?”, Jongdae yelled, throwing his hands up in the air to express his irritation, but also ready for a possible fight. “I told-”
“-I think I should be the one asking you two just that”, Chanyeol threw in, getting between the two smaller guys to prevent any more damage. “Jongdae, lower your fucking butt and then talk it out!”, he shouted, causing the other two to shut up for a moment and get back to their senses, realizing he had usually been the one they had to calm down and aid him with his anger management.
“I definitely didn't intend to make the two of you scratch each others' eyes out when I made that stupid joke.”
Jongdae huffed once, twice, and eventually a third time before laying his eyes upon Baekhyun again. “So? I'm waiting for your answer, dumbass.”
“What's there to wait for? I already wished you well, asshole.” Baekhyun wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, facial expression still falling a mile a minute. “I hope you and that annoying little piece of crap will live well and experience your happy ever after.”
“What reason do you have to treat her like that? I remember you telling us you liked her, Baek! Whenever you talk about her now, it's like you've become a whole different person! Did some kind of ghost get a hold of you and tell you to treat her like shit from one day to another? Or-”
“That's the fucking problem, you dumbass!” Chanyeol grabbed his chest in surprise, as Jongdae stayed unfaced by their friend getting up and slamming his hands flat on the table, their bottles jumping in unision.
“To be honest”, Baekhyun's voiced seemed forced and compressed, as if he tried his best to withstand the urge to talk, “I... like Y/N.”
Silence.
It was a weird, maybe even comical moment, with the rapid exchange of eye contact between Chanyeol and Jongdae, the latter feeling the hair in his neck standing up one after another, while Baekhyun shifted in his seat as if his blonde friend was a bomb that was about to explode. Unexpectedly, Chanyeol was the first one to regain his ability to speak.
“You what?”
“It's true. I've been in love with her for about... four years now”, Baekhyun started, elbows now resting on his knees, his face hidden in his hands to hide the embarrassment that started to show on his face.
“I... never knew”, Chanyeol mumbled, something like awe showing on his face, but he was too scared to drag things into a humorous direction just now. He'd never seen his friends in such a dead-serious moment, though he somewhat felt like this was all part of either a hidden camera prank, or some kind of cheesy romance novel.
“Well, me neither”, Jongdae growled, too overwhelmed by his own feelings of Baekhyun suddenly stepping up as a potential rival in a fight for your heart (though it was very unlikely that Yerim or Sooyoung would let you get close to any of them after what happened).
When Baekhyun realized his friends had nothing else to add, he continued, keeping his face low as he shifted awkwardly on the old red sofa beneath his butt. “I thought that, if I kept humiliating her, I would at some point start to believe in my own words, that I would like her less, maybe even dislike her someday- be able to let go and move on- but it's not that easy.” His gaze shifted to Jongdae, who was still furious, his whole body shaking from anger and irritation. “Whenever I hurt her, I saw your eyes, the sadness it pushed you into- and I knew that, while my head told me to stop this, my heart had made the right choice. She may be weird, but if someone like you falls for her, Y/N must be one hell of a girl- a rare catch, like a diamond.”
With his gaze still resting upon Jongdae, he missed the way Chanyeol furrowed his eyebrows and mouthed something along the line what the fuck?, falling into a trance as he slowly started to realize the direction this was taking.
“After a while, I noticed I like it when she cries or shies away from me- it's cute, but-”
“-Wow, you're one fucking asshole.”
Baekhyun sighed and nodded, eyes carrying a small glint of sadness. “True, Dae, I was going to say exactly that. I'm an asshole for making her feel so down, and I possibly hate myself the most for it- but I'm also your friend, and so I decided to start over. I promise I'll behave-”
Chanyeol regretted only waking up from his trance the second he heard the crack caused by Jongdae's fist hitting Baekhyun's nose with full force.
Back to the LiaL Masterpost || Chapter 3
tagging: @noona-clock @trishmarieco @cramelot @jjong-dae77 @lovebuginlove
#exo#exo story#exo scenario#exo au#au#alternate universe#chen x reader#exo x reader#female#female reader#red velvet#chen#jongdae#kim jongdae#♥#romance#chenchen#chensaur#Y/N#yeri#sooyoung#joy#rv#chanyeol#baekhyun#byun baekhyun#park chanyeol#story#angst#friendship
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Walk Me Home, Ch. 3
Summary/Pairing: Joanna Taylor finds out Tony Stark is actually her dad. Peter Parker X OC
Word Count: 5k
Warning: Mentions of death, drugs, and alcohol. This is rated M for language and smut. Seriously NSFW. I warned u.
Ch 1: Walk Me Home, Ch 1
Ch 2: Walk Me Home, Ch. 2
A/N: Here’s chapter 3~ Thanks to everyone who has commented and messaged! My inbox is always open if ya’ll wanna chat about anything.
This has only been edited by me, so excuse any errors.
Weeks pass and spring melts to summer in New York City. Jo finds herself falling in love with the heat and outdoor markets and even the tourist crowded streets, but she would never admit that. Everything she saw still reminded her of her mother, but she was healing. There were bad days, of course, but things were getting better.
She and Tony grew closer. Sometimes it was easy. Sometimes they would fight. There were a lot of pent up words and emotions between the two, and sometimes they spilled over. The worst fight came in the beginning of June. Tony had hosted an event at the tower and everyone was required to show up in their best clothes. There were grumbles from some of the Avengers who were less than thrilled about Tony’s parties, but she figured that they didn’t quite understand that this was working just as much as the missions and the training.
Jo sits idly at a bench in Bryant Park, people watching. She sips on her iced coffee and thinks about that night.
The evening came to an end and she found herself on the roof with the others, caterers and vendors breaking down the food and tents and tables. She was sipping beer with Steve and Peter when Jo overheard Tony talking to the Caterers, telling them to dispose of the leftover food however they normally do.
“Are you serious?” Jo looked up at him, “Tony, that’s such a waste!”
“What else am I supposed to do with shrimp puffs and caviar and champagne?” He shrugs, then frowns and looks at the caterer, “Actually, leave the champagne here.” The man nods before turning to walk away.
“I don’t know, maybe donate it to the some of the thousands of people in this city who are food insecure?” Jo feels herself start to get upset, maybe irrationally “There’s gotta be something better than throwing it away.”
“Jo, food like this goes bad if it’s not eaten right away.” Tony barely looks at her.
“Just because it doesn’t taste as good doesn’t mean they’re aren’t hungry people who can eat it! Just because you don’t understand what it’s like to be hungry doesn’t mean you can be so flippant about this.” Jo slams her beer on a table and storms away. Peter and Steve look between the two, nervous. Bucky stares at the ground. Natasha takes a shot.
“Hey! You don’t get to lecture me about what I do or don’t understand, okay?” Tony yells after Jo, making her stop in her tracks.
“Well someone needs to give a shit! It’s not you!” Jo can hear herself overreacting over leftover food from a stupid event, but she can’t stop herself.
Tony strides over to her, angry, “Do you know how much money I literally give away every year, Jo? How about instead of taking whatever you’re angry about today on me, you go talk to my accountant about the charities I carefully choose to contribute to.”
“You’re not getting what I’m saying!” Jo throws her hands up, exasperated.
“Why do you care so much about leftover food?” Tony demands, voice raised.
“Because when I was growing up there were years when I didn’t know where my next meal would come from, okay? And here you are literally throwing away enough food to feed a family for a week? Fuck that.” Jo all but spits at him. She thinks back to middle school. Her mom was trying her best but they didn’t have much of anything at all. Eleanor had been laid off after she hurt her back working and struggled with an addiction to the pain pills she was prescribed. Jo doesn’t talk about it with anyone, especially the press or interviewers. No one needed to know about those years.
Everyone is staring at them scream at each other. Steve, Nat, Peter, Clint. Bucky and Sam. A few lingering guests that she met tonight but already forgot the names of. Jo could care less. Let them watch.
Tony felt the color drain from his face at Joanna’s words. Her, his daughter, grew up hungry, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Stop looking at me like you feel sorry for me! You don’t get to be sorry if you weren’t there.” Jo rolls her eyes and turns to leave.
“You can’t be mad at me for something I never even knew about!” He yells after her.
Jo, whips around, tears stinging her eyes, “Yes the fuck I can.” She yells at him, striding closer to get in his face, “I resent you for it.” She tells him, using every word to hurt him. “I had nothing. And I grew up thinking that my dad knew about me. And didn’t want me or care that I was hungry and scared and hurting. You know what that does to someone?”
There are tears running down her face that Jo doesn’t bother to wipe away, “So forgive me if it’s hard for me to let that go but, it doesn’t just go away.” She turns on her heel and storms away from the group on the roof, past Peter and Steve.
Peter grabs her arm, “Hey, you okay?” He says lowly. Jo just yanks her arm away from him and all but runs to her apartment, having FRIDAY lock access to anyone that isn’t her.
The next morning Tony was waiting in her kitchen, looking like he hadn’t slept at all. “We have so much talking to do,” Was all he said to her. So they did. They talked for a really long time. He asked Jo to be honest with him, so she was. About everything- how bad things were, how there were times when she had to rely on the kindness of strangers when her mom couldn’t even get out of bed.
They both cried a lot, but came out on the other side understanding each much better.
Jo thinks about those couple days as she sips her iced coffee, sitting on a bench in Bryant Park when a familiar voice pulls her from her thoughts. Peter Parker is walking across the lawn towards her with a woman that looks to be about Tony’s age following behind him.
“Hey,” He smiles at her easily. She smiles back, taking him in from behind her sunglasses. He was in jeans and a black t-shirt that hugged his frame. Truthfully, it had been more than a week since they had any semblance of alone time together. They were both busy people, she supposed, and it’s not like he belonged to her. Friends with benefits, that’s what they had agreed on. The benefits were a plus, but she missed the “friends” part the most right now.
“Hey stranger!” She smiles, standing to give him a quick hug. “What are you doing out here?” At this time of the day he was usually in the lab with Tony or working on his online courses at MIT. Peter didn’t need to go to college, not by any means, but he had insisted that it was important to him.
“Uh, this is my Aunt May.” Peter says, “May, this is Jo. We meet with Mr. Stark for dinner once a month, sort of a little tradition.”
“Joanna Taylor?” May asks, Jo nods, “I have heard so much about you from Peter! It’s great to finally meet you.” May pulls Jo into a hug, who is shocked at first then reciprocates easily.
“Nice to meet you, ma’am.” Jo smiles at her warmly. She really can’t believe that Peter told his aunt so much about her.
Peter, who is beet red, puts his arm around May and turns them away from Jo, “We’re already late, sorry!” Jo laughs and waves goodbye to a very confused May.
A few nights later Jo finds herself stressed and anxious and pacing around her apartment. While it was true that most days were getting better for her, she still had bad ones. She was feeling lonely and isolated, increasingly so over the past couple of days- she knew she was actually neither, but she couldn’t help her thoughts.
Jo had texted Peter the night before, gently asking him to come down and watch a movie with her. He hadn’t ever replied, which was making her worried for him. Even if they weren’t sleeping together at the moment, he was always one to shoot her a text back. That made it three nights in a row she hadn’t even heard from him. If she hadn’t seen him in the park the other day, she would have been concerned about his health.
Maybe it was too much too fast. They spent nearly every night together for a month, getting to know one another. Peter learned about her life before she was famous and her favorite music (oldies, always) and that she would fall apart under him when he brought his hand up to her neck when they were together physically (not too much pressure though). Jo learned about Aunt May and classes and what it was like to be a superhero (and that how to do that thing with her tongue that drove him absolutely crazy).
She didn’t realized how much she liked his company until she didn’t have it.
Jo’s sitting at the kitchen island with a glass of wine, writing to calm herself down, when the elevator door opens. She barely has time to register who it is before Peter Parker is pulling her off the stool she is sitting in and crashes his mouth to hers. His hands grip her waist tightly and he bites her lip before sucking and licking his way down her neck, one hand slid up her stomach to her breast, squeezing hard.
Everything about what was happening made her feel worse than she already did.
“Peter,” She says his name tersely, “No. What-”
“Shh.” He sushes her and presses his lips back to hers, and when Peter’s other hand closes around her throat, his body pressing hers into the granite countertop behind her. She guide his arm down to her hip and he backs her further into the countertop uncomfortably. He squeezes her hip enough to leave a bruise.
“Peter, c’mon.” She can barely get the words out around his lips. She pulls her head back and away from him, but his lips just latch onto her neck. It’s all too much, too harsh and she already felt on edge. She tries to pull further away but she’s pinned against the counter and she can barely breathe.
“You’re hurting me!” She yells eventually, using both hands to shove him off her. He stumbles off her.
“What the fuck, Jo?” He yells back, immediately getting in her face.
It takes everything Joanna has not to flinch. She hadn’t known him long, but this was so out of character for him, if she didn’t feel like she was about to have a full blown panic attack, she would be genuinely concerned for him.
“Peter…”
“You’ve been begging me to come down here all week.” His eyes are wild, “What’s your deal?”
She turns away from him, wrapping her arms around her middle, “I haven’t felt good all day.” She says, just loud enough for him to hear.
“Jo, there’s literally a glass of wine on the table. I’m sure you feel fine.” He pulls her close again, biting her earlobe, “Let’s go to your room.” He was so hot and cold, she felt like she had whiplash.
Jo’s heart races in an uncomfortable, nervous way, “Peter, no.” She says low and firm.
“Jesus, Joanna.” He raises her voice at her, “What do you think this is?” Jo stays quiet. “We fuck, that’s it. We hook up and sleep in different beds. I’m not here to fucking hold you every time you have a bad day.” He turns away from her, running a hand through his hair, exasperated.
“Get out.” Peter looks at her, and actually sees her for the first time of the night. If he kept talking to her like that she would break.
“Jo-” Her glare has him pinned.
“Fine. If you won’t leave I will.” She grabs her bag from where she discarded it earlier, hoping the keys to her loft are in there. Atlas was fed so she wasn’t concerned with leaving him for the night.
She doesn’t look at Peter as she brushes past him, jamming her finger into the elevator button. She’s gone before he even has time to react. Peter opts to take the stairs, two at a time to his own apartment, feeling out of control.
When he steps inside, Sam, Bucky, and Steve are sitting on the couch, watching basketball. The door slams the back of the wall as Peter enters the room. All of the men tense and look up at him. “Woah, Pete. You look like you got hit by a car.” Steve says, standing.
Peter snorts, raising an eyebrow at the older man, knowing very well he was capable of stopping a car going 40 with his bare hands. “You know what I mean.” He shrugs.
“I think I just fucked up really bad,” Peter’s chest feels uncomfortably tight and he feels a bit light headed. He clenches his fists and paces back and forth in front of the three men. Steve takes a good look at Peter, immediately growing concerned.
“Sure looks like it,” the older man says.
“I haven’t slept in like 5 days? I have midterms for my summer classes already but I swear they just started. And I’ve been working on a project for Mr. Stark- that I am really fucking up- and Tony is not afraid to let me know that. And trying to keep up with training. Oh, yeah and I have a mission every other week, gotta save the world too, yanno. And, oh my god, is this what dying feels like?” Peter has both hands in his hair, looking at Steve with wide eyes.
“Peter!” Steve approaches him like he would a wild animal, going into Capitan Mode, “I understand you’re stressed, but everything you just said seems pretty temporary. Take a few days off from training, finish your midterms. Whatever Tony has you working on can wait a day or two, too. I’ll talk to him.”
Steve’s words calmed Peter down a little bit, but the only thing he could think about was Jo. How rough he was, how mean he was. He had actually hurt her. With his hands. He was going to be sick. “You don’t understand! There’s this girl I’m seeing, I was just at her place. And, oh god,” Peter buries his head in his hands, “I was so awful. I think I hurt her.”
Steve’s eyes immediately turn stormy, menacing “… Hurt her? You didn’t put your hands on a woman.”
“No! Steve, not like that I swear. I just… I was frustrated and mean and I said some things…” Peter trails off, feeling worse than when he first came in.
Same and Bucky exchange a look. Over the past month they had noticed Peter sneaking away and coming back late at night, and eventually curiosity got the best of them and they asked FRIDAY where he was going. Neither were surprised to find out he was spending his time at her apartment, what with the way he looked at her. Bucky argued that just because he was spending time with the only other person his age in the tower, it didn’t mean that they were seeing eachother.
Peter explained to the men what happened, feeling chagrined and embarrassed the whole time. “She stormed off and now I don’t know what to do.” Peter finishes looks at all three men. He expects them to be furious with him, treating a woman like that, but they all look at him with sympathy.
“Well, get after her.” Is all Bucky says.
Peter all but sprints to his room, throwing on his suit, figuring the fastest way to get there was, well, pretty much flying. He puts on dark clothes over the red and blue suit- Jo would probably think he was such a tool showing up in his suit to apologize. He’s out the door less than 5 minutes after Bucky told him to go.
Across the water, Jo steps out of her Uber and treks up the stairs to her apartment finding it dark. She steps inside to grab the pack of cigarettes she keeps in the junk drawer in her kitchen. She didn’t smoke, not really- a pack of cigarettes would last her 3 or 4 months. She only liked them when she was stressed, which was an understatement.
She pulls a lighter out of the drawer and as well, and exits her front door again, walking up the final flight of stairs to get to the roof of her apartment. She and Camille had spent hours up here months ago, setting it up to be a nice space for them to hang out. She turns on the twinkle lights and sits at the edge of one of the plastic chairs, lighting her cigarette.
Peter swings to the apartment directly next to hers, having seen her on the roof. The building he’s on is a few stories higher than Jo’s, so he quietly watches her smoke on the roof. He takes his mask off at and sighs lightly. Even without the zoom of his mask, his enhanced vision helps him see that her hands are shaking.
He didn’t even know what he had been thinking, showing up at her apartment, acting the way he did. Tony has just absolutely freaked out on him about the project he was working on, and that on top of everything else he was stressed about sent him over the edge.
He had needed a release, a warm body, anything to get him out of his mind. He shakes his head, remembering how scared her eyes were when he got in her face, yelling. Peter wouldn’t have been surprised if she never even wanted to look at him again, but he had to apologize.
He clears his throat loudly and says, “You know, in your line of work, smoking is a pretty irresponsible decision.” He jumps from the building next to hers on to her rooftop.
Jo rolls her eyes and turns away from him, taking another drag of her cigarette. Peter takes a step closer and Jo jumps out of her seat, taking a step away from him, “Don’t.” She warns.
He stops in his tracks, both hands up, “Jo, I-” His voice breaks. He steadies himself with a deep breath, “I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry.”
The look in her eyes almost breaks his heart. Anger. Distrust. Disgust, even. “You hurt me. I said no and you hurt me.”
“I know.” Is all he says, looking at the ground. “I understand if you never want to talk to me or look at me ever again, but I need you to know how sorry I am. Jo, please.”
The desperation in his voice makes Joanna look up at him, really look at him. For the first time since she’s known him, he looks completely out of his element. And sad. And scared. And like the 19 year old boy he is. She’s not sure if it’s the light or if there’s tears shining in his eyes.
“Peter-” Her eyes soften a bit.
“I just,” He pauses, scrubbing a hand over his face, “I just can’t believe how out of hand I was with you. You of all people. That’s not me, Jo. I need you to know that. Everything just feels out of control right now- I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” He’s definitely crying now. He looks so broken.
Jo walks over to stand in front of him, reaching out slowly, like he might lash out at her. She slips her hand in his. She’s not sure what to say- she’s hurting too. “I shouldn’t have left like that.” She tells him eventually, “I was feeling anxious and shitty all day and then when you… it was bad, Peter.”
“I know,” He whispers, “I’m so sorry.” She can tell he’s hurting so bad. She pulls him into her and his hand comes up to the back of her head, cradling it to his chest and burying his nose in her hair. Peter is practically shaking, so Jo guides him to a chair to sit. Peter wraps his arms around her middle and pulls her into his lap, his face in her neck. “Please don’t leave me.” Her heart breaks.
“I won’t,” Jo swallows, “I’m not leaving.”
Before she can stop him, Peter’s nudging the long skirt she’s wearing down her hip and running his fingers over the bruises his fingers left. “Fuck! I’m so sorry.” He sobs into her chest.
Jo pushes her own thoughts out of her mind and moves her hand up and down his back, wanting to cry herself. Peter quiets eventually and the hand rubbing his back falls to her side.
Peter makes a dejected noise in the back of his throat, “Please don’t stop…” Jo looks at him, confused. “Your hand.” He explains. Truthfully her arm had started to tire, but she would comfort him until it fell off, if that’s what he wanted.
He shifts under her. “Peter,” Jo whispers, pushing some hair out of his face. His head tilts up at her and she finally gets a good look at the circles under his yes. He must’ve not slept for days.
“Let’s go downstairs, yeah?” Jo gives him a small smile, climbs off his lap and gingerly grabs his hand, pulling him to his feet. He just stares at her, wondering what he did to deserve someone like her. She leads him down the stairs and into her apartment.
“I, uh, need to use the bathroom.” He tells her, dropping her hand. She turns on her heel and makes her way to her room, flipping on the light next to her bed. A few minutes later, Peter wanders in her room. Jo notices he’s now bare chested under his hoodie.
He’s never been in her room before, but he just doesn’t have the energy to look around. His eyes find hers and he hopes that they can convey the words he can’t keep saying to her. I’m sorry, he tells her, I need you.
Sometimes it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
“I’m so tired, Jo.” Is all he gets out, voice hoarse. Peter moves to sit at the edge of her bed, head in his hands, and Jo moves to stand in front of him. She combs her fingers through his hair and Peter rests his head on her stomach.
Jo trails her hands down to his neck, playing with the hairs there. “Let’s go to sleep.”
She tries to step away but his hand circles her wrist delicately, like he’s afraid to ever hurt her again. She looks down at him, a little confused. “Peter?”
“Just let me. Please.” He says before he lifts his hand to her face, thumb tracing her bottom lip, before he traces his fingers ghost down her neck. Jo shivers. Peter continues to map out her body. The spot behind her ear that was so sensitive. Her shoulders. He spends extra time on her collarbones before pushing the light cardigan she’s wearing down her arms. The buttons clack on the hardwood floor.
Peter touches her softly, reverently. His hands slide down her waist, feathering her sides. She lets out a breathy laugh, making Peter smile at her ticklishness before his hands finds her hips. The tight undershirt she had on has bunched at the waist, leaving a sliver of skin exposed above her skirt. Peter looks at the purple marks he left on her body and feels physically ill. He gently grabs her hips, rubbing circles on the skin there.
The way Peter touches Jo now is such a contrast from earlier in the day. She almost has trouble that this boy in front of her, these hands, caused her any type of pain. Even if it was just a bruise. Jo sighs and tips her head back slightly when Peter’s fingers trace patterns on the skin there.
He looks up at her, eyes closed, lips parted, blonde hair wild as ever, “I swear,” her eyes open slowly at the sound of his voice, “with the light like this you look like a fucking masterpiece.” Jo would scoff, if the look in Peter’s eyes didn’t make her believe him.
Then he’s standing in front of her, one hand cupping the back of her neck, fingers splaying up her skull, the other on her hip. “I never meant to hurt you.” He whispers.
Jo reaches a and up to trace the circles under his eyes. “I know.” She whispers. “You need to sleep.” Peter watches as Jo unzips his hoodie. He lets it fall off of his shoulders, where it lands next to Jo’s with a soft thud. She pulls back the blankets and gestures for him to get in.
Peter watches as Jo shimmies out of her long skirt, leaving her just in a pair of boyshorts and her undershirt. She crawls into bed next to him, reaching to turn off her lamp. Peter immediately pulls her towards him, Jo’s back against his body, and tucks her into his chest. She feels warm and safe to him.
“Is this okay?” Peter’s already fading.
“Of course,” Jo tells him. It’s the last thing he hears before he falls asleep. The day weighs down on Jo and she’s asleep not long after him.
Jo wakes slowly the next morning, a warm weight over her torso. Even before she’s fully coherent she knows it’s Peter. The pale light glows through her window in a way that tells her that it’s still really early. She looks to her nightstand for her phone, but realizes she hasn’t seen it since she left her apartment at the tower. It’s probably in her bag somewhere.
Gently puling herself from Peter’s grasp, she sits up to look at him. He looks so peaceful in the moment, like the 19 year old boy he is. A light smile forms on Jo’s face. He shifts under her eventually, eyes opening slowly to look at her.
“Hey.” He rasps, looking at her like she’s the sun.
“Hey.” She smiles softly at him, he rolls over on to his back and pulls her to his chest.
“Jo, I don’t think I can thank you enough for last night.” He tells her. “I… needed that.”
She can’t find the words to tell him that she would do anything for him, so she props herself up on his chest and closed the gap between their lips smoothly. When they kissed it was slow, leisurely, maybe even a little bit careful, until she sighs into his mouth, slipping her tongue in to tangle with his.
Peter ran his hands over her body, pulling her a little further on top of him, needing her weight to keep him steady. One hand tangled itself in her hair and the other on the small of her back. Peter isn’t sure how long they kiss like this. Her nails scrape down his chest, hands grasp his biceps, shoulders, anything she can get them on.
Their bodies pressed themselves against each other, kisses deepening. Peter gently tugs at her tank top, put doesn’t make a move to pull it off. “It’s okay,” She says, answering the question he didn’t ask. Jo sits up on her knees and Peter sits up as well, and they peel the shirt off her body together. Peter’s pants are next and then they’re both naked, chests heaving.
Peter pulls her to him, pressing her lips to his. They move over each other, under each other, skin growing slick with sweat as their kisses heated. His hand clutches her breast, her legs wrap around his hips.
He can feel and hear her heart racing a million miles an hour, presses his lips to the skin above it before capturing on of her nipples in her mouth. She gasps and moans underneath him, his lips continuing their trail down her body.
He makes her fall apart with his hands and his mouth- her hands tugging desperately at his hair, his name falling off her lips like a prayer.
“Peter. Condom. Nightstand.” Jo pants at him. He reaches over blindly, fingers finding the foil square easily. Jo plucks it out of Peter’s hand, giving him a searing kiss before rolling the latex down. They both moan out loud when he pushes into her.
They rock against each other at a pace familiar to them, one they knew would drive them both to the end. Peter leaned down to kiss her, holding her tightly as he brought them both to climax.
“Holy hell, Jo.” Peter gasps in her ear after the ringing stops. He kisses across her jaw and behind her ear, pulling her into his side. His hand lightly trails up and down her back.
“I didn’t know it could be this good.” She tells him truthfully, tilting her head up to look at him.
Peter’s eyes search hers for a moment before he whispers, “Me neither.” He gives her a slow, deep kiss.
The two stay in bed all morning, talking about anything that comes to mind. Jo is mid-sentence when Peter shushes her and sits up quickly, eyes wide with concern. “Wha-” She can’t get the words out before there’s a loud bang and then another crash in her apartment. Terrified, Jo screams.
Before Jo can even react to what’s going on, Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes are barging in her bedroom, fully suited. The two look ready to fight for a moment, then take in Jo and Peter, both still naked, in her bed.
“Oh, thank god.” Bucky sighs, at the same time Sam points at them, “I knew it!”
@liamakorn @supertight-tightywhites @bookxobcessedxintrovert
#Peter Parker#Peter Parker Imagine#Peter Parker X Reader#peter parker smut#peter parker x oc#Tony Stark#tony stark imagine#dad!tony#Dad!tony x OC#Dad!tony x reader#ironman imagine#tony stark x reader#steve rogers x reader#Tom Holland#tom holland smut#Tom Holland x reader#walk me home
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All those flowers, my dude
First of all thank you for asking, this will be longAlso as this took me almsot two weeks already I took the liberty of leaving some queastions out so I wouldn’t take even longerSince this was answered over a longer time span some questions that are aimed at certain days may be slightly outdated (ed what are u wearing today and such)
Alisons: Sexuality?I’m gay my dudes
Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?He/Him, male
Amaryllis: Birthday?My Birthday is in June
Anemone: Favorite flower?This is gonna sound lame as fuck but I rly like roses, red ones in particular
Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?I can’t choose but here are some favorites:
Peaky Blinders, I’ve watched this one so often,,, Cillian Murphy was what got me into it and I stayed for beautiful scenes and atmosphere and the gang drama
Gotham, Let’s be honest, the best thing abt dc are their villains (also suuuuper into Robin Lord Taylor as Oswald)
Brooklyn Nine-Nine and The Office, i like these because they are easy, nice and satisfy my need to have something running in the background while I’m at home. (Also insanely sweet in the case of BB9)
Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?One I still remember strongly is from two boys kissing “you should all live to meet your future selves”
Also many of the poems by keaton st james deeply resonate with me so check those out (most are religious-ish just in case that’s a no no for you)
Aubrieta: Favorite drink?I gotta be boring and say water
I like hot chocolate and a special kind of peach tea and some soda I drank in brazil but water,, yeah I drink that most,, love hydration
Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?Nope
Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?I am, right now, at this very moment
Baneberries: Favorite song?I can’t give you an all time favorite so here’s a random favorite I currently like listening to: Sedated by Hozier
Basket of Gold: Describe your family.My family is not very big and actually hasn’t been a family for a very long time. Namely it’s my dad, my sister, my grandparents, my dads wife, her son, our dog and I. I have never experienced family in my youth so sometimes when I’m with them it’s all very odd. And sometimes it’s stressful. But it’s the first time I actually miss family when I’m alone at home, far away. I speak about my father and my grandparents further below but my sister is very sweet and I’m pretty protective of her, she and I get along a lot better now than before which is a common trait as ull see later.
We often take care of things, and are probably the most planning of the family. My dad’s wife is very good to talk to, having a very different perspective from my own and will always offer up advice. Her son is currently in pirperty and more interested in playing fortnite than anything which makes for some explosiveness at home. Our dog is cute and perfect that’s it.
Begonia: Favorite color?I like blue tones, but a dark, rusy kind of red is cool too
Bellflower: Favorite animal?Dogs Dogs Dogs. By far my favorite animal, they fill my heart with joy. Next up, Giraffes, funny big boys
Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?Morning I think, I definitely work best early.
Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?I actually never really had a dream job as a child. Not that I remember at least.
Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?While I generally ain’t a big fan, like I’m someone very based on conversations so obviously that’s hard w kids. I am growing more to them. I’m far from wanting one but I think children are special in their.. Like innocence. They are beyond all the bitterness and hatred that we adults have. If only parents would be better lmao
Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?I’m afraid of many things. Change for example. And failure. I think that might be because being perfect was important when I grew up and whatever I did it was never enough to my mother especially. Perhaps that has become so deep rooted that I tell myself I can not fail, which makes me very nervous and makes me worry too much.
Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.I spend lots of time on building sites and in hardware stores because my grandparents have houses and my parents often would work there too.
Buttercup: Relationship Status?Single
Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?God I don’t know, I think it’s probably when I’m with someone I care about and it’s easy and light and fun and I feel comfortable and they tell me that they like being around me, or that I made them happy with something.
Canna: Do you have any tattoos?Nope,wanted to have some but money and shit
Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings? I have my ears pierced, but it’s the earlobes so the most basic thing
California Poppy: Height? I insist on 1,70 at least, I will not accept being under that.
Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?In a way, yeah
Carnation: What are you currently wearing?My new boots, black pants, winter coat, black jacket, a blue button up and a lord of the rings shirt underneath. Obviously underwear
Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?When I was a child for sure
Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?A person from school, who’s also in fashion design, but a few years above me that I got to know bc of cosplay.
Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?My Ex
Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?God idk, I like oldish looking ones, elegant ‘n stuff
Columbine: Are you tired?Nah, actually not rn
Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?Sam visiting me in March
Coneflower: Dream job?I’m not sure, definitely something w sewing but idk if I wanna go theater or my own things
Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?Introvert
Crocus: Have you ever been in love?Yeh
Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?Very very far
I’d say I’m pretty damn loyal and also give myself up easily even without noticing. If someone has my love and my loyalty they have my everything basically. Would I commit a terrible crime? I don’t know. Would I be real mean to someone or punch them? Yeah, if it’s reasonable w the situation I would (would it be affective? Not sure)
Give myself up? If we’re thinking real dramatic..maybe yeah
Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?Gemini
Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?Funny or stupid things? MaybeOtherwise honourable stuff, i don’t think so, i don’t view my actions like that.
I mean I survived, that’s pretty cool
Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?Above mentioned survival. Which includes making it out of my mother and her boyfriends abusive grip and household. Moving away. Being true to myself. Dragging myself out of the hole I had fallen in for a while. Getting close w my dad and family. Believing more in myself and stopping things that are not good for me. Getting an apprenticeship that I like. Moving forward in life
Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?If it’d be my dad I’d sit down with him and ask him why exactly. I have had a relationship before in which I did not see how badly I was treated/ that I basically searched someone like my mother. So I’d listen, perhaps to prevent from making the same mistake again. If it turns out it’s nothing reasonable I think I’d tell him that I will pursue the relationship anyway and ask him to respect that and be as nice as possible to my partner.
If it’d be my mother.. No surprise she doesn’t even like me and honestly I wouldn’t give a shit.
Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?Did I say it? Not sure but written it in a letter, it was Sam
False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?If my grades speak for themselves it’d be my apprenticeship, or like idk working hard about something I enjoy. I take this very seriously and give it everything I can. I’ve been told I’m good at talking, not sure if that’s true
Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?I’m envious. It’s not that far that I am not happy for people, I think i generally have it under control but sometimes it gets the best of me and fills my stomach with nasty emotions.
Also saying stop. I do a lot for people, and I’ve been prone to letting people use and step on me for too long xnot standing up for myself
Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?The past month was actually absolutely terrible so not much to find here.Uhm..the bad thing that happened got our family closerI spend Christmas and new years w my familyI got amazing gifts and letters from my friends
Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?Stressful. I worked on my semester project and I feel like hardly anything worked
Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?I’m moving towards a happy place. But I’m definitely doing a lot better already
Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?Finish my apprenticeship, surgery, be able to make my own money so I don’t have to rely on my dad so much (he does enough for me already) and so I can get more distance between my mother and I
Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?In no particular order
1. Dogs, god whenever I see a dog I’m happy because they are so cute and loyal,,,,,,,
2. probably everyone and their dog says this but my friends, honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without them. They helped me through terrible times in my life, are a constant source of love and joy to me.
3. my family. Since I didn’t have that for a long time I cherish it even more now that I do. It’s amazing to have a family that supports you behind you. I’m super grateful for everything they’ve done for me
4. the possibility to do the apprenticeship that I want to. it’s not always easy,,,I lack the money lmao but I’m so grateful that I can do this, because it makes me feel like I’m actually worth something in the working,adult world. I’m good at this
5. music. I listen to it so often, I can’t imagine not having music
6. sunshine, there’s something wonderful about going outside and feeling the warmth of the sun on your face, when it’s spring and winter has just gone by and you just have to smile because everything is bright and you’re surrounded by light
7. myself. Listen I dislike myself as much as the next guy but I’m working on appreciating myself and I am insanely proud of myself for coming as far as I have come. I don’t let myself feel it very often but having myself, it’s a good thing. I know my younger self would be very happy knowing that I did all those things for us.
8. something that makes me happy is creating, might it be art, or sewing or writing, anything really. It’s a pain in the ass and frustrating at times but I love looking at something knowing I did this, finishing it. And then looking back at it later and seeing how far I’ve come again
9. playing video games. It’s just fun to lose yourself in a story sometimes.
10. Christmas Markets. I don’t like Christmas itself. But I love the Markets, it’s the atmosphere of it. The food smells amazing and there are all those lights and there are kids with actual shining eyes because they see Christmas so magical and they are in awe by all the lights and honestly I feel the same awe sometimes when I’m on those Markets
Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed? Hardly anything lmao. Listening to music. Distracting myself with either talking to someone or playing/watching something. Tho that often makes me feel guilty on the long run. What helps if stress is overwhelming me is writing down what it is that is stressing, like making a list and trying to untangle the mess, looking at what I have to do one by one
Hellebore: How do you show affection?Since I’m A big fan of honesty I usually just say it. I like to tell people when I get some emotion. Like just telling them that I appreciate them. I think it’s nice to just be told that sometimes. Besides that I do things, like I’ll send anon messages or offer help just assisting somehow. Like not always outright having them know it’s me,like affection from afar. And well I’m helpful when I care abt someone especially, like “I can do this for you”
And being super openIt’s not alway clever as experience has shown but to me offering up things about myself means trust means affection in a way. Like giving a part of myself to someone. lmao
Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?Making it to this point, I wasn’t in a very good state just a bit ago. But with the help of my friends and family I made it out of it. I have an apprenticeship I enjoy, I have my own flat, I have something to stand up for again. I can appreciate myself some more. I was able to see toxic relationships i was in and get away from them and not let myself be guilted but seeing them for what they are and acknowledging that while I am not a saint it doesn’t mean that I have to accept any treatment. I stood up to my mother, even if just a bit that was a huge step for me.
Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?I barely had any of it recently so I can very much put what I want to do. Which would be drawing. I haven’t done that properly in so long and I miss it. Like both sketching stuff on paper but mostly full pictures, sketching, lining and colouring somethin. Having a full art piece at the end. Also Play Games. And talk to my friends. Haven’t had a nice hour long convo with Nina or Charlotte or Sam in ages and I hate that.
Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?That’d be Charlotte and Nina
Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?I would hide away in my room and imagine. Invent stories, characters, anything to distract me from how unhappy I was. I would act them out in my head when I laid in bed so I could sleep.
Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?I did not treat someone that I care about very well a few years ago, I didn’t give them the honesty they deserve. I was an asshole. Even if we spoke about it, I still feel very bad about it.
Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?Indulging. When I have things to do but take a break I always feel super guilty for not doing anything.
Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?It seems it comes from the Roman name Julianus, and was the name of a pangan Roman Emperor as well as a name of saints. Sometimes meaning youthful which fits because I look like a baby
Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.I grew up in a big city in Germany. Very busy City with high buildings and no time. I lived in a flat when I was very young, a room with big windows where I’d sit and look out ot. Then we moved into the house my dad still lives in. Where houses were built in rows and more people knew each other, I’d walk home and pretend to not see them as to not have to speak to them.
Then I moved in a beautiful flat in a more busy part of the city, with a bookstore in the same building and a supermarket right down the street. My hometown is best described in the colour grey. I dont think it very pretty if I’m honest.Still its full of memories and not half as bad
Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?Talking about the one in the house. Light peach coloured walls. Small but with big windows to look out of. An old wooden bed in front of one Window, and even older Closet next to the door, already so old that it had been ancient when my dad had been young. A desk in one corner at the other side of the room, above it shelves filled with books, little trinkets on the windowsills. Cabinets filled with paper full of secrets. Posters on the Walls and a round mirror that I hated looking into when I was young.
Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years? God no. I have repressed most of my younger years. My teenage years were filled with confusion and self doubt. I was a mess, I hated myself, not knowing who I was. And then knowing but being shamed for it, hiding away and keeping my head low to survive. Pushing myself to the limits and clinging to the thought that I could escape at age 18
Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.My Mother and I are not on good terms. I’ve spend countless of years desperately attempting to please her, hoping for love or anything close to it. I was constantly let down by her. My mother is someone that I fear I’ll never understand, adapting to the men that she is with. Claiming to have reached compassion and selflessness while being the opposite. Acts childish and has never accepted or supported me. Now attempts to lure in my sister whom I fear for as she’s always wanted my mother to love her. I have estranged from her very much and currently I am happy seeing her as less as possible.
Onions: Tell about your dad. I remember my father as a very autocratic person in my youth. He’d always work and would only be home to cast judgement. We did not get along well, and my mother, like grima wormtongue, had influenced me further into seeing him as a terrible person. Now I see him very differently. In fact I am similar to my father. Hard working, well spoken and crafty. We share a similar humor and I am very thankful for his support over the last year. To me my father is a very good example of how sometimes people can actually change, sometimes second chances will not disappoint you. My father cares very much about our family and I am happy to have gotten close to him again.
Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.I won’t lose many words about my mother’s parents as there isn’t much to say about them.My mothers father was always sick, more often because he believed he was. The years before he died it had only gotten worse. My Grandmother was never really happy in that relationship, something I believe she handed down to my mother.
My fathers parentsWell, when I was young it was difficult, they aren’t exactly children people, despite trying. I especially had my difficulties with my grandmother, who was work above everything and wanted everything to be perfect.I remember her always fixing my clothing. Countless of instances of her and my dad arguing.
When I got older we had barely any contract until I had my coming out to my dad, who told my grandparents. Much to my surprise and I still respect that so much, they were immediately supportive and accepting, perhaps even more than anyone else from my family.
In the last year we grew closer. They helped me with my flat and would come over to set up a few things. I took them to a restaurant that my grandfather would always talk about whenever we talked, happily.
My grandmother and I had phone calls at least once a week, she was also the most interested in my apprenticeship, always curious, sending me old magazines and ideas she had. As well as button ups and shirts she had bought for me or old ones from my grandfather.She offered me support when we talked, told me they’d do anything they could
When my sister and I were getting clothing for my grandpa, as he was saying with us, I found a book on my grandmother’s bedside table.It was an educational oneIn it was also an article she had cut out of a newspaper, the title saying how the support of the family is the most important thing to lgbt children.
I miss my grandmother
Peony: What was your first job?I worked a summer at my mothers workplace. Cleaning watches and watch straps, replacing small things on the straps
Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?We met 2014 on a cosplay convention in the city I grew up in. We met on the first day of that, where we all hung out in a group and then he and Charlotte spend the next day w us as well.
Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?I bottle it up, focus on something that keeps me busy. Sometimes other people’s pain or doing things for them. Distraction from thoughts really. I’m best when I’m busy
Pink: Where is home?If you’d asked me a couple of months ago my answer would’ve been easy and quick. But now phew, I mean I call my place home as in “I’m going home” and I call my dads place home as in “I was home over the holidays”
But I’m not sure, not really
Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?I could go endlessly both about important historical events and tragedies as well as personal mishaps and bad choices. But eventually I actually think this is too big of a question to answer like this. I’m generally better in speech than word when it comes to things like that
Primrose: Describe your ideal life.Steady. As in a job that I like, that provides me with enough money to survive well. Not to worry about everything. Having Dogs, as that I something I always wanted. Living somewhere in the city (always dreamed of a Fachwerk House but yeah…), with the possibility to visit my friends that I am in good contact in. Living with love and happiness. With a connection to my family still as good as now. Perhaps with someone,,,
Rose: What’s your favorite sound?I love the sound of paper, like books, pages turning, things like that. Also soft rain
Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?I’m a Class A represser. So it’d probably be many things centered abt my mother.
Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want? I want my semester presentation to go well tomorrow. That’s all I care abt rn
St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things? It used to be harder in the past but I’ve gotten slightly better at it. I’m still struggling with feeling but it’s a work in progress.
Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?My Friends and Family, cheesy I know but over the last year I’ve become more set in that. Once more I noticed how much strength those can give you. And also noticed how important they are to me by the way things that happen hurt me
Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?7 hours, couldn’t fall asleep at first but that’s usually my minimum of sleep
Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?School. I have a timed, strict schedule thanks to that and it forces me to get up until a certain time in the morning. That helps a lot actually
Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?I’m still in an apprenticeship but I enjoy it a lot
Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?I have a new pair of shoes that are so beautiful I wish I had the look and body and style to wear them day to day. Also got some cool button ups
Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.Look at this and you’ll see first hand https://www.pinterest.de/Gayneral/
I’m sorry I’m bad at desctibing my aesthetic. It’s like, historical stuff, museums, snowey Fachwerk, religious themed things, bee themed things, watches…
Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?My semester project is due to two and a half weeks and I’m super nervous about finishing it like boooooy
Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?Sadly I’ve been super busy recently so I’ve only been able to read a tiny bit in my holidays, Acht Nacht by Sebastian Fitzek
Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?Still in school, doing good, and enjoying it
Still having a good relationship w my father, my sister and that whole family
Still good with my friends, hopefully seeing them more often
(maybe in a relationship pls don’t @ me)
Generally happy, not having to worry too much
Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?Thanks to tumblr I do, and I hate it
Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.I take my school very seriously. And I have zero tolerance for those in our school that don’t.
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Something else I remembered that’s still very good in AUs like family au is when people meet austin and are like okay this fucking entitled asshole is here, cool. But then meet his parents and are like wait hold on??? ????? what’s the catch?????????? Until realizing no june and oliver are actually pretty chill and friendly? Weird! But i also like how austin is with them being something that throws people off, too. Like not only is it strange that oliver and june don’t act so distant and annoyed and cold like austin does, but when they visit, austin doesn’t act so much like that either. He’s not super cheerful and friendly all of a sudden, but it’s clear he’s a bit more warm and relaxed than he normally is. You can catch a slight smile on his lips more, even if other times he’s shooting his dad unamused frowns because i’ve immediately fallen in love with the idea of oliver trying his hand at dad jokes sometimes to try and get a laugh out of austin and them only working like 1% of hte time and the rest of the time austin is just like internally ugh about it like yeah haha super funny dad T_T. There’s also that 1% though! Austin seems like he doesn’t have a sense of humor the rest of the time but sometimes his dad gets him to crack a laugh, or starts some inside joke they’ve had since austin was 10 and austin rolls his eyes but he still finishes the joke with a smh-type chuckle and he’s still gentle and doesn’t mention about how tired the joke has gotten over the years. His parents try to take care with touching him out of the blue because they know he’s not comfortable about touches, but it’s clear he’s way more comfortable with a hug from them or sitting on a couch so their arms are touching than he is with other people. I touched on that with the swap superpower/family au talk, how they may have had fights and austin may sometimes tire of how his parents are, but at the end of the day, he loves them so much, and he respects them and cares about them, more than any other person he knows. And that’s gotta be such a weird thing for anyone seeing it the first time, especially upon realizing oh that’s not him faking it like how he’ll usually fake being polite???? He just genuinely is comfortable around them.
Also, GTA au, Austin’s parents visiting one time and them having no clue he’s doing criminal shit so him having to be very secretive and very careful about their visit. Very good bonus to that is at some point while austin and kyle are at austin’s house talking to austin’s parents, ivan coming over to see kyle and austin trying very hard to get rid of ivan until the parents notice and question who it is before “Oh /you’re/ Ivan! Austin, don’t be rude; come in, please, we’re so glad we get the chance to meet you!” Because I think kyle somewhat keeps in touch with them, since they were like secondary parents who were nicer and cared about him and he super values that. Austin probably calls his parents once every week or two, it’s a scheduled thing, he’d do it much less often if it didn’t placate them on his living so far away and make it so that they are okay with only visiting rarely. Kyle calls them probably around as frequently but not as standardly; just calls them every couple weeks or so to catch up when something important happens instead of just ‘oh this is the time to do it’. let them know that he and austin are still doing good, yes that wasn’t just austin lying so they wouldn’t worry, no they’re really doing good! He def calls them more than he calls his own parents, 100%. So he’d have probably told them when he started dating someone more seriously, vaguely says they met at work and moves on to how fucking great this guy Ivan is, he really likes him! So them actually being aware ivan exists and means something to kyle and very excited to see who he is and -judge if he’s a good choice for kyle- get to know him. And i’d imagine ivan is super polite upon kyle introducing them as his aunt and uncle, “/basically/ honorary mum and dad”. once he figures out they don’t know about the crime thing, pretty respectful of that, too, though i do like ivan also playing the game of how much can i vaguely allude to their son being a criminal to freak austin out without actually revealing it and making kyle upset at my being rude and possibly outing him as a criminal too. Ivan please, austin’s never asked anything of you except that you just completely leave him and his cousin alone; be reasonable here.
Also i think this being another thing where it makes it obvious that even if he’s very distant on surface level from family, it’s still one of the few points he gets stubborn on, because even if it’s a 3 or 4 on the scale of importance to him, his scale usually only goes up to 5 anyway compared to everyone else being 1-10. Again, if you watch him with his parents, it’s clear he’s a little tired of them but he still loves them very much and appreciates them genuinely in a way he doesn’t with most people. He does care about them, it’s just muted compared to others, especially compared to kyle. I think it took them a little while to get that too and for a while during his teen years when he first started getting like this, they just kind of assumed okay so maybe our son hates us??? I’m not sure why since we’re trying to be super nice to him but our nephew expresses more love for us than our own son so like. Maybe he jsut doesn’t like us anymore, oh no. and that was also partially because austin was most exhausted with his parents during his teen years when he was trying to pull away and they were pulling him closer in an attempt to keep from losing him, but eventually enough time around him + finally talking it out a couple times helped them see like no, he still loves them the most, it’s just his most is not as high or visible as would be expected. Anyway, back to point, up until now the only thing that could get austin to really make any attempt at a stand against ivan was kyle. And even then, it’s not austin threatening ivan to keep kyle safe, he’s not a fool. He probably tries to talk to ivan once, but it’s not a threat thing, just hey. At this point he gets he can’t break them up. He couldn’t tell kyle what to do if he tried, and he frequently does, and if he can’t get kyle to do something he doesn’t want to, of course he couldn’t get ivan to. But he wants to make sure ivan knows that like, sure, austin can’t come kick his ass if kyle dies thanks to ivan, but austin won’t just let it slide if ivan gets kyle killed and he can find other ways to make it less worth it to ivan than if he’d just kept kyle alive. Also i like ivan, a little amused because thank god /you’re/ trying to intimidate /me/ to keep /my/ boyfriend alive, asking austin flat out if he’s threatening him, but austin just dismissing it with a simple, “of course not” as kyle comes back into the room. And that being mirrored after the meeting with his parents (i keep wanting to call them oliver and june here but they’re not named that in this au because oliver’s already jaws breakers crew ugh) and ivan. Ivan and kyle planning to leave and austin excusing himself from the room as well, saying he’ll see the two out, be right back mum and dad. Makes an additional excuse for kyle to go ahead to the car, maybe insisting he just had something related to an upcoming job to discuss with ivan, which kyle doesn’t know for sure isn’t true but ivan does because he’s not doing any jobs with anyone in oliver’s crew right now. So once everyone’s out of earshot, austin actually thanking ivan for playing nice and keeping the secret with his parents. He could have done without the occasional ‘oops, almost let the cat out of the bag’ jokes, but ultimately he appreciates it. /that being said though/, he wants to make it crystal clear his parents are off limits. And when he says that, it’s with a firmness he didn’t even have when talking about kyle. Because kyle’s a wreck, but he makes his own decisions to live in this life that puts him at risk and honestly, there’s just as much of a chance he gets himself killed as ivan gets him killed, probably more so. But his parents are outside of this world, they did not agree to be put in danger by it and he won’t have them put at risk just because kyle can’t keep his mouth shut for five seconds or because ivan has the worst timing in the world. Basically like. If this makes any sense, austin would avenge kyle, but defend his parents, y’know? And again, austin isn’t normally threatening in appearance, but he steps close to ivan as if he somehow has as much intimidation power as the other blond. And he makes it clear this isn’t about not letting things slide or whatever. He’d be upset if kyle died, sure. He’d be frustrated, he’d even be mad to a point. But if either of his parents were hurt, he wouldn’t /just/ be upset or frustrated or mad. He’d be /furious/. He doesn’t let himself get /truly furious/ very often and there’s a reason for that, one that he’d really rather not have to come up between them, so he wants to ask ivan very nicely to leave things at this. They had a nice meeting, ivan got to talk to kyle’s family, got to even impress them. austin knows his parents and they weren’t lying when they said it was a pleasure to meet him as ivan started to leave. But that’s it. He doesn’t go near them or even look at them again, and once they leave the city, he forgets they even exist. And again, ivan tilts his head with a wide grin, asking to confirm if austin’s trying to threaten him here? And austin, making the most direct eye contact he’s probably ever made with ivan, says of course not. But this time, he follows that up to instead insist he’s /promising/ ivan. And admitting he gets how this goes, he’s sure this means nothing to ivan. That ivan is probably inwardly laughing at austin right, so austin hopes ivan will at least listen to the fact that kyle would be angry if either his aunt or uncle got hurt while visiting, too, since kyle keeps trying to reassure austin that ivan wouldn’t do anything to make kyle upset. But he just… he feels it’s only right that he make it clear that upsetting kyle really isn’t the thing to worry about this time around. That’s all. Thanks ivan again for being pleasant enough as kyle pulls the car up, inwardly a little relieved so that kyle being there makes it less likely for ivan to try pushing back so much on austin after that.
God the worst fucking part is like, yeah, again, ivan probably takes this threat with a grain of salt, very amused if not offended after he was already /so polite/, how rude can you /be/, austin? But also we’ve touched with toni and mads that they both became interesting to ivan when he saw first hand that edge in them. Mads had a bad day and got violent, and suddenly she’s fun despite her not wanting to be to him. Toni accidentally shows ivan he’s way into knife and blood play underneath that mask of his and ivan wants to crack it so he can see what else toni’s hiding under there. Again, I think ivan wouldn’t be that impressed with austin’s threat, he knows whatever happens, he can break austin in two when it comes down to it, but there’d probably have to be something intriguing of austin telling him ‘i don’t let myself get exceptionally mad for a reason’ because oh??? Hey austin, what’s that reason??? Hey austin tell me what hte reason is. I assume it’s you think you’re more dangerous/violent past a point you’re comfortable with but how far past that point are we talking here??? Hey, hey austin~?
Like he probably still won’t hurt the two i’d suspect? Austin’s not wrong that kyle’d also be upset if they were hurt, Ivan could tell during the convo how much kyle cares about them and there were a number of stories of either of the two looking out for kyle in a way his own parents never did which is nice. + i imagine ivan leaving that convo really liking the boys’ family as people and like they’re not exceptionally special to him but they were nice and friendly and he probably would have left them alone on his own even if austin hadn’t said anything, he likes fucking with austin but he’s not as just randomly dangerous as austin seems to think he is, he’d probably want a reason beyond ‘it’ll fuck with austin’ before just killing a couple innocent people that mean something to kyle. And ivan still can’t totally touch austin because kyle will be mad if ivan hurts or kills austin and again, ivan doesn’t want kyle to be mad. He’s willing to let doug keep living to keep kyle from getting too upset, so obvi austin’s pretty much off limits unless it becomes way more worth it in the end. But him trying to figure out okay what could i get at that would poke at austin enough to really set him off without crossing a line that sets /kyle/ off. Which prolly just puts him into testing grounds and man ivan is good at stress testing people. Austin elects himself as the new toy so ivan can figure out how legit his warning of making him mad is, whoops!
On a brighter note tho, speaking of family visiting, blake visiting during breaks in school and meeting ivan. at first iffy but eventually warming up to ivan well enough. Ivan probably at least somewhat amused by the time he spends with them, too; didn’t realize so much sass could fit into such a short person but they pull it off and it’s spectacular. Ivan telling blake stories of times he fucked with austin and blake loving it and giving approval of ivan at that point. Wants to keep you alive and keep austin on his toes? I like him! Also, ivan starting to lie about the crime stuff to blake when tehy first meet and kyle stepping in oh no no no they know i’m a crime guy and ivan like oh good, hi i’m a crime guy as well, nice to meet you.
#ignore this#the thief kid#the suit kid#amusing muse musings#crossovers! unlimited crossovers!#crossovers gta edition
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Can you please do some more Kent/chowder friendship body swap bc if you write like anything at all I will die happy
this is going to be an Unorganized Mess because i’m doing it right before bed because WHY NOT but here. [Note: You gotta have read this post first to make sense of this.]
So, like, as mentioned, I really want this friendship to develop after they switch back but the question is like... how??
In my last post I talked about how Parse would send Chowder nicer clothes (and sheets because wtf is that thread count christopher??) but i think this happened because-- wait lets go back
Okay so Chowder gets to go to the Aces/Sharks game and go backstage (not the right word for that but lets just move on) and meet people so while he is obviously ALL UP IN THE SHARKS, he introduces his family also to Kent as “and this is my friend, Kent Parson” and admist the confused stares (coming from both his family and Kent Parson), Chowder is just like “we met at Samwell!!”
And Kent Parson, who is never really referred to as a friend (more a teammate, tbh, or “ex” or “celebrity crush) has like acquired some sort of blushing instinct (he blames his time in Chowders body) because he sort of blushes and stammers (JUST A LITTLE OKAY) before finding his cool again and--
“Oh, also,” Chowder tells his little sister. “You gotta feel that inside of that sweater-- it is like SO SOFT.” and so that is actually where Kent gets his first idea to send Chowder nicer clothes (the expensive CASHMERE clothes yaknow... (sidebar: is cashmere soft? i don’t... actually know things about nice clothes))
But he doesn’t do it right away because like.. c’mon he’s not going to seem desperate here. He’s Kent Parson. He... they switched bodies for a little. Surely Chowder doesn’t actually want to... be his friend.
WRONG.
Because Chowder gets on a flight and heads back to Samwell and Kent Parson gets back to Vegas (and snuggles Kit) and THEN Kent Parson gets a text.
And that text is chirping him. Hard. For his coding notes.
“Lol. Dude. Really?? These don’t even make sense!”
“I told you I was bad at it! You’re lucky I tried.”
“It looks like you gave up halfway through and started doodling hockey plays.”
“... that is actually supposed to be some zeros and ones?? he wrote them on the board??”
“holy shit.”
and suddenly kent parson finds himself sort of smiling and laughing at his phone and he would say it is one conversation but then he gets a GOOD LUCK! text before his next game and then a bunch of texts DURING the game that he sees after and then-
Then he gets a “Remember to ice your shoulder!!!” the next day and, okay, yes, it’s weird that this guy has BEEN IN HIS BODY and thus knows that his shoulder bothers him but its also... its also nice??
So Kent Parson says fuck it. And he sends Chowder that sweater he liked so much. Because Chowder is being really nice to him and he... okay he will try to have a friend.
Note: Kent Parson trying to have a friend is a Disaster. because Kent Parson knows his weaknesses: He is bad at emotional conversations, he cannot give relationship advice, he is sarcastic and rude and-- he is not good at being Friends with someone. Chowder’s natural friendliness is something he can appreciate but has difficulty reciprocating.
But you know what he does have?
Money.
Lots and lots of money.
And no one to spend it on.
Until now.
Kent Parson cannot say “Thank you for wishing me good luck before my games” so he buys Chowder fancy sweaters and t-shirts and fashionable pants and sends them on over. Kent Parson cannot say “It is cool you remind me to ice my shoulder” so he also sends new sheets (accompanied by pseudo-snide remarks such as “so i dont have to lay on that sandpaper if we ever have to switch back”). Kent Parson cannot tell Chowder that texting him during the day has become something of a highlight but he CAN buy chowder that coding software he was going on about and e-mail him the product key and he also can get people on the Sharks to sign stuff and mail it to Chowder and, look, he knows that getting Chowder’s family season tickets to the sharks game would be Too Much (at least... right now) but he does offer them when chowder goes home for breaks.
Look, as they text more and more, Chowder puts up with his sarcastic sense of humor and dark moods and doesn’t seem to take it personally when kent just texts back ‘yeah whatever’ after loses.
Chowder is just plain nice to him and Kent does his best to follow Chowder’s complaints about school and tries to offer advice when Chowder admits that sometimes he feels torn between Nursey and Dex and their constant bickering and wishes they would both just stop but Kent knows he cannot actually be that helpful. Even when Chowder texts: “gosh its nice to have someone not involved that i can vent to,” kent knows that he is not adding to chowder’s life nearly as much as chowder is adding to his.
With the time difference, Kent now usually wakes up to a few texts from Chowder and Chowder thinks Kit is the devil but still doesn’t mind when Kent sends pictures of her and Chowder... Chowder sometimes ever so casually reminds him that he doesn’t actually need alcohol (”you could just go home dude. wanna play starcraft?”
Oh right. That’s the other thing. Chowder has got him into computer games. Games that they can play together. On the same time. Kent has never done it before and its embarassing to be bad at something but somehow with chowder its not so bad and he’s already promised that after the season, he is going to have much more time to dedicate to it and chowder thinks that they can get really GOOD over the summer and it becomes... their thing
When Nursey and Dex are driving Chowder crazy or Kent is actually free, the two log on and play some nerdy computer game shit (kent’s words. he keeps calling it that even after he admits he "sorta kinda likes it okay??”).
OF COURSE BECAUSE KENT PARSON CANNOT COMMUNICATE, he just keeps SENDING GIFTS. Which Chowder accepts at first, partly because he doesnt really know how much all this shit costs.
Nursey finally clues him in “dude, is that shirt fucking All Saints?” and Chowder is like “uh... what?” and that breaks the mystery and suddenly Chowder is like... wait a minute. this dude has sent me probably over a thousand dollars worth of nice ass clothes (and sheets and towels) all in the name of “In Case We Ever Switch Back.”
Not To Worry: At this point it is Summer Break. Which means that Chowder can just go, meet up with Kent in person and tell him that while he appreciates the gifts, kent should probably stop. They both now know not to wish on any shooting star anymore. They are probably good.
So Chowder texts Kent something like “dude im home may 22nd-- when are we meeting up over break?” and Kent gets it and lowkey PANICS because like... Chowder wants to hang out with him?? And he can’t even just take him to a hockey game because the season is over?? WHAT WILL THEY DO??
Better to stay on home turf, Kent decides. He can take Chowder out in vegas and they can hit the casinos and maybe he’ll rent a limo and-- “Im free anytime” he texts back, hoping that doesn’t make himself sound lame. “when do you wanna come over?”
And then Kent Parson is thrown for a loop because Chowder ruins his plans by saying “you should come here! i’ll show you non-hockey parts of san jose! first weekend of june?? promise no one will yell at you!!” and kent... well hes not gonna say no obviously but he... he can’t take chowder to casinos if they arent in vegas and--
“Bring your laptop” chowder says. “starcraft IN PERSON”
Look this deserves a 15k fic of its own but picture: Kent Parson, nervous, awkward, feeling a little like he did when he visited the zimmermanns except not because he and chowder are just friends so there’s less... challenge and also he has grown up a little and so its just very embarassing for him and chowder’s whole family is the nicest and he sleeps in the guest room and they just-- They play starcraft. They go see a movie. They walk around Chowder’s favorite park. They drive up to the beach with Farmer. They go to an arcade. Normal people stuff. They do normal people stuff.
And Chowder sits Kent down and is like “dude you gotta stop sending me presents like some kind of weirdass sugar daddy” and Kent does turn bright red at that one because he was kind of just lowkey hoping chowder didn’t notice but Chowder manages to make it not TOO awkward and then its just sort of a funny and Kent promises to stop (he wont really... chowder gets a new gaming computer for his birthday but kent claims that is because chowders weak ass system is affecting his gameplay but that not til later so thats okay)
MORE SURPRISING is Chowder agrees to come up to vegas to celebrate kent’s birthday on july 4th. Farmer comes for part of it (but she has work) while chowder stays for five whole days and they... they stay in kents apartment and play more computer games. chowder tries to build up kent’s tolerance for spicy food and then laughs at him when he dies. they go play hockey at the rink. they just... hang out. like friends.
It’s weird and bizzare and THEN TO TOP IT OFF Chowder (who is a wee bit drunk at this point because they aren’t just going to not drink or gamble at all-- chowder had doubled his 40 dollars today!!) says something like “do you think we can switch back again? if we tried?”
and kent (also tipsy, but just like... tipsy. not wasted) says “uh... no?”
and chowder says “LETS TRY” and kent says “why?” and chowder says “FOR FUN” and kent says “alright if you want”
and the two stand and hug and kent thinks “alright switch back” and then he pulls back
And look into his own face
Which is grinning at him.
“oh my god” chowder (in kent’s body) says. “This is gonna be so fun.”
ENDING THERE FOR NOW because i’ve got to stop writing this AU. what is this. what is my life. i don’t... i don’t even go here.
#my fic#again i dont know what this is or what my life is#kent parson#chower#parson#check please fanfiction#body switching au#they are going to use this power to get into SO MUCH TROUBLE#i guarantee it#Anonymous
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The Year of Cardi B - She went from stripping to becoming the breakout star of 2017. So what's she worried about?
Cardi B is butt-naked in the doorway of her hotel bathroom, yelling about her vagina. On a mid-October evening, she's readying herself for a college show in Baltimore, and the toiletries provided by the hotel aren't to her liking. "That soap gave me the yeast infection of 2017!" she hollers in her thick Bronx accent. "My pussy was burnin' like a Mexican taco!"
It takes all of 10 seconds in Cardi B's presence to be reminded of the sheer force and hilarity of her personality. Simply being Cardi B, at maximum volume, made her a star – first on Instagram, then on the VH1 reality show Love & Hip-Hop: New York – before she'd recorded any music at all, let alone knocked Taylor Swift from the top of the pop charts with the sly swagger of her single "Bodak Yellow." She is the people's diva – or "the strip-club Mariah Carey," as she once rapped – unfiltered in a way the world often doesn't allow female stars to be. In a culture reshaped by streaming and social media, where the kids, without much corporate nudging, get to decide who the stars are, Cardi B is what you get.
Yesterday, Cardi turned 25.
She took a rare day off, hanging
with her entire family – sister, parents, cousins – at her mother's house. But she missed her boyfriend (now fiancé), Offset of Migos, who was touring in Australia. "I was sad, because it's like, 'Oh, my gosh, I'm not getting no dick on my birthday,'" says Cardi, whose bedazzled acrylic nails are decorated with tiny reproductions of Offset paparazzi shots. "But I wasn't going to get dick on my birthday anyway, because I got my period."
She finds a cleanser she can deal with and hops into the shower, before slipping into a bright-red spacesuit-inspired Milano di Rouge jumpsuit, complete with a yellow patch that reads "Safe sex saves lives," part of the designer's anti-HIV initiative. She glances at it and arches her eyebrows. "Girl," she says, "I don't even use a condom."
It may not seem like it, but this is actually a newer, more cautious Cardi B. After a few social-media controversies – including when she was justly called out for a since-deleted tweet that referred to Kim Jong Un as "Won Tung Soup" – she is trying to learn to hold back a bit. "I used to tell myself that I will always be myself," she says. But she worries that she's going back on that vow. "Little by little, I'm feeling like I'm getting trapped and muted."
Her life is changing fast. She put out her first mixtape, Gangsta Bitch Music, Vol. 1, in March last year, back when she was still Love & Hip-Hop's breakout star. It was a gloriously raw and raunchy introduction that cashed in on her TV catchphrases with songs like "Washpoppin'" and "Foreva." She released Vol. 2 in January this year, five months before announcing a major-label contract with Atlantic Records.
In June came "Bodak Yellow," named in homage to Florida rapper Kodak Black, whose song "No Flockin'" inspired its flow. "Bodak Yellow" is an unlikely Number One: a tough trap song with zero concessions to the mainstream, or even anything like a conventional pop hook. In a year when the youth power of streaming services, which now count toward chart positions, is changing the very meaning of pop, she's become the first female rapper to score a solo Number One since Lauryn Hill in 1998. Not bad for someone who initially pursued rapping as a way to monetize her reality fame. ("I said, 'TV don't make you rich,'" recalls her manager, Shaft, who once produced Lil' Kim. "'You gotta sell something! Waist trainers, hair, something.'")
The pressure is building. Her once-carefree social-media presence has drifted toward moody reflections about the downsides of fame. She's stressed about creating a debut album – the very word "album" makes her wince – that can live up to "Bodak Yellow" and the best of her mixtape tracks, not to mention the challenge of creating singles that can keep her on the charts and avoid one-hit-wonderdom. There is a chorus of doubters in her head, she acknowledges, and it sounds something like this: "Can she make another hit, can she make another hit?"
She fears failure, and paints a vivid picture of what it might look like: "If you go broke and lose your career, it's bad – and everybody is talkin' shit about it! At least if you lose your 9-to-5 you don't got millions of people judging you and talking shit while you lost your job."
Seven years ago, Cardi B was convinced she'd already failed at life. To please her mom, she was studying at a Manhattan community college with plans to become a history teacher. Born Belcalis Almanzar, she'd grown up in the Bronx's Highbridge neighborhood, and she was struggling to survive financially on her own. "It was just very sad," she says, uncharacteristically subdued. She's in the back seat of a black SUV on her way to a performance at Baltimore's Morgan State University, and the college setting is bringing back memories. "It was very frustrating – you have to pay for everything. When I finally got a job at Amish Market, I had to debate, 'Do I wanna go to class or do I wanna finish my shift?'"
She dropped out after two semesters, and soon took up stripping – a career move helpfully suggested by her Amish Market boss. "A lot of people wonder, 'Why would anybody want to be a dancer?'" she says. "Because there's money!" She used some of her stripping cash to briefly return to school. "I kept missing classes," she says, "and quit because I felt like I was already failing. It was such a disappointment."
Her strict Trinidadian mother worked seven days a week at a local college; her Dominican father, who separated from her mom when Cardi was 13, was "the cool parent," she says. For Cardi, his experience doing "different things in the streets" was a cautionary tale. "That's why I be so careful with my money and always try to invest. I see people who have it all and then lose it."
As a kid, Cardi had a sense that she was destined to do something creative, which led her to a performing-arts school on the Bronx's east side. She tried acting and singing (though she was convinced all of her classmates were better), wrote some poetry. But she'd also crack up friends and boyfriends by rewriting songs by, say, Beyoncé to make them "waaay sluttier." That hobby caught Shaft's attention years later, leading him to encourage her to pursue rapping seriously.
Until then, Cardi B relied on her abilities to charm and to hustle to pay the bills. And it worked: She quickly broke 100,000 Instagram followers in her strip-club days, expanding outward from her loyal customers, mostly on the strength of playful videos – "sucking dick" and scamming men were favored topics.
After Shaft suggested rapping, he began making beats for her at home, and helped her find a lyrical voice that matched the charm of her delivery.
But Cardi – who calls herself "a negative person" – had to overcome her own skepticism. She thought hard about her subject matter (her first single: "Stripper Hoe"), determined to defy haters "expecting me to drop something trash. It just made me, like, 'Aha, I gotta study these other rappers,'" she says. "Study how to do something different from them. You know all these female rappers, they talking about they money, they talking about they cars, so it's like, what's something that I enjoy? I enjoy fights!"
A few hours after the show, Cardi B is back in her hotel room, still wearing her red jumpsuit. She's curled up in the bed, blankets piled on top of her, talking about the future in a tone that's almost resigned. "I cannot turn my life back around," she muses. "I'm already a public figure, I'm famous. … It's like, I might as well keep it going, might as well make the money. People are always going to talk shit – I cannot make myself unfamous."
She's faced an impressively varied set of criticisms and unsolicited opinions. She's been accused of not being a real lyricist ("I'm not trying to be"); of somehow "not being black" because of her Latina heritage and light skin ("It gets to the point that you ask yourself, 'Damn, what the fuck am I?'"); of sleeping her way to the top ("I always had sex appeal – and niggas still give me a hard time"). The rapper Azealia Banks has quarreled with her, but Cardi B has tried hard not to play into the narrative that female rappers can't get along. "It's not even the female rappers that are catty, it's the fans," she says. "They just want that beef."
Her in-progress album is never far from her thoughts. "I got six, seven solid songs that I like, but I wonder if a month from now, I'm going to change my mind." All the looming expectations, she admits, are making it harder to come up with songs. "It's not as fun to do music," she says. "My mind doesn't flow as free 'cause I have so much on my mind."
She's aiming to mix the Spanish and reggae music of her youth with the trap sound that's inescapable at the moment, putting in late nights with her "Bodak Yellow" producer, J. White, and dancehall specialist Rvssian. She freely acknowledges she's chasing hits. "It's so sad to say, and I don't want to be the one to say it, but you gotta follow the trend," she says. "This generation loves to get high. They love to be on drugs. This is why they on that shit: They don't want to think about what you're saying."
She cites Kendrick Lamar and J. Cole as rappers who still write brilliant, conscious lyrics – some part of her might want to try to follow suit, but she feels like she couldn't get away with it. "A bitch like me, it might not work out for me," she says, "so I'm going to stick to trapping."
It's barely past midnight in Cardi's hotel room, and she is already exhausted. "I'm an old-ass girl now," she says with a sigh, head on a pillow. For all her outrageousness – she finished her show tonight by hopping offstage and twerking in the audience – she's not much of a partier. She stopped smoking weed at 21 because it interfered with her increasing fame and accompanying schedule. She had taken Molly as a confidence booster before stripping but doesn't need it anymore. She rarely drinks. "If I drink," she says, "it's like, my man is gonna be around, and I'm gonna have sex."
She's been with Offset since a chance meeting with him in New York in February – just after Migos scored their own Number One with "Bad and Boujee." "We polish each other," she says, noting they confer on music-biz questions. "I could always ask him, 'Do you think this is OK to do? Do you think I'm getting tricked?'"
She hasn’t been shy about the ups and downs in her relationship with Offset, like the night in October when she seemed to break up and make up with him on Instagram in the course of several hours. She also hasn’t been shy about her intentions to marry him — and, a few days before Halloween, Offset made her dreams come true, popping the question at a Philly concert with a raindrop-shaped ring. She knows she wants to have a family. "I need to make money for my family and my future family," she says. "I'm not a YOLO person. I think 25 years from now. I think about my future kids, future husband, future house."
And where exactly will she be in 25 years? She smiles dreamily, and says, "I see myself cursin' at my kids."
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BNHA self insert AU
New to the AU? Start here!
Chapter 39: What Are Those?! THOSE ARE MY CHANCLAS!
The weeks pass and I am preparing myself for one of the most important meetings for the future of the company. While at the same time, things are brewing up in the hero world.
“Miss 19, the head of the branch would like to see you” meekly summoned the new assistant agent “they say it’s urgent.”
“Thank you, I’ll make my way over” I stop my paperwork and get up from my desk.
“Oh wow are they finally going to demote you to foot-agent” coldly spat one of the other agents in the room “I bet it’s for fucking up the ambassador’s mission!”
“Shut the fuck up 63!” retorted another agent “19 has been doing phenomenal work and the ambassador’s incident was YOUR fault, I have the paperwork to prove it.”
I slip out of the room before another on of 63′s meltdowns happen. Agent work in this branch is so high stake that I literally don’t know what to expect when I get called upon to the head of branch. I get to the double doors to get scanned in before entering, I walk in to see Mimi and Jin also in the room.
“Oh what are you two doing here?” I questioned “is this related to what you wanted to see me for?”
“Yes actually, have a seat” politely asked the Head of Branch “it has come to our attention that you three are a dynamic team and have been since your school days” he scoots a file toward us “it is with great pleasure that I present you with the official invitation to be part of the Emperor’s Coup, Independence Team.”
“All of us?” Jin questioned in disbelief “But 20 and I aren’t in the same sector as 19, how can that be?”
“Take a look for yourself” the Head gestured to the file.
“Agents 19, 20 and 21. Congratulations, We extend our invitation to be part of Independence team. We’ve been keeping a close eye on you three since 1st year of your high school careers.” Mimi starts reading out loud “Through all the chaos, trials and tribulations that life threw at you three, together you rise stronger every time. It’s what we pride ourselves to be and you show your worth as an unbreakable unit. If you choose to accept as a unit, you’ll be given one of the highest positions in our team as an On-Call Intel Agent/Unit. Regardless of current position, we want to take you in because you have the set of skills we need in our team.”
“On-Call Intel! What an honor!” Jin geeked out “that means we’ll get called upon when needed for foot-work but get to solve high-profile cases!”
We look at each other “We accept! Where do we sign?” Turns out that we’ll need to wait until August to start in the Emperor’s Coup, a whole 4 and half months. I couldn’t wait to tell Tenya the news.
“That’s great news!” he gave me a tight embrace and lifted me up “I’m so proud of you for finally getting your way out of your current agent work.”
“Thanks babe” I said breathlessly “I’ll have more time to spend with you and other things I’ve been meaning to do.”
He puts her down “We should celebrate! What do you want to do?”
“I kinda don’t want to celebrate this one” I stretched my back “like I get that it’s a huge deal, but Jin, Mimi and I just want to silently go into this one.”
“Why? What’s wrong?” he detects somethings off “you three always want a reason to party.”
“I know but with our huge meet up fast approaching us, we just want to focus all of our good faces and energy to that” I sigh tiredly “not to mention I’m pretty beat from this recent mission.”
“Okay baby” he kissed her forehead “you’ve been working hard, get some rest.”
The days turn to weeks and the stress piles on and on without giving me any breaks. It’s late May, one year being in a relationship with Tenya. I could hardly believe that it’s been a year because the beginning of it took a lot of my time away from them because of my career. I wanted to surprise him with a nice stay at home evening with dinner and some spice in the bedroom since we both have work the next day and can’t take more days off.
“You have one video call request from Beibi-Rock” yipped Muffin 2.0 as they scurried into the kitchen “would you like to answer?”
I furrowed my brow in confusion “Beizu? That was a quick meeting” I turned off the stove and took off my apron “put the call up on the widescreen please.”
On the screen showed Jin and Beizu in their business attire, they were the ones that spoke with important people on the behalf of the company.
“Hi~ how’s your day off?” casually spoke Beizu like he was hiding something “is dinner almost done?”
“What happened” I demanded as I know Beizu can’t keep his cool when he fucks up “it’s not even 6:30! Meetings go on for at least 2 hours.”
“Like, ugh! These people are so hard to talk to!” Jin groaned aggressively “they didn’t care what we had to say and they hardly even looked at our demonstration!” he rubs his temples “and PLEASE don’t get upset, but they want you to talk to them instead.”
“WHAT THE FUCK?! ME?! I CLEARLY STATED THAT I WAS SENDING YOU TWO BECAUSE I DON’T DO THESE MEETINGS!” I screamed, nearly going feral “what is their reasoning?! It can’t be because I was the one that talk to them on the phone or that I’m the CEO.”
“They liked the fact that you can speak Okinawa native Japanese” Beizu butted in “they assumed that we also spoke it but obviously they caught on that we don’t and stopped listening.”
“I did do that” I recalled the phone call and pondered “did you reschedule for a different day with me?”
“Yes and this is where we hesitated to give you a call” Beizu sighed and winced “next one where there’s no conflict in all three of our schedules is the 2nd sunday of June.”
“MY NEXT DAY OFF?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!” I got hysterical “you know how I feel about that!”
“Yeah but this is a very important interaction!” Jin pleaded “remember what I said in the meeting? If they agree-”
“They’ll boost our net worth and we’ll be able to expand” I finished his sentence “ugh! Why does the universe have to curse me with these skills!”
“It’s just that day then I’ll handle things the next day to make up for it” Beizu compromised with me “you’ll still get a day off, promise.”
I try to go about things like nothing was bothering me but I was still upset that I had to worry, on my anniversary of all days! The night went as planned and I got a ton of work piled onto me the following days. I was not doing well but I was trying to pull myself together until the meeting. Agent work was getting rough on my stressed body to the point where I come home riddled in bruises and scrapes in bandages.
“I’m home” called out Tenya as he walked in the house.
“I’m in the kitchen” I respond, dinner just finished cooking and I was washing dishes stressfully.
He walks into the kitchen to greet me with his embrace but stopped himself when he saw the nasty bruises on my arms and legs, plus the knee brace on my left leg.
“Baby what happened?” he said with high concern “those bruises look like they hurt to move your arms! And you shouldn’t be standing on that injury!” he chopped as I turned around “you should be getting rest and let me-”
“No no, it’s my turn to cook and wash dishes” I interrupt him, as I wasn’t in the right mental state to hear his lecturing “if I don’t, I don’t feel right” I continue to scrub the pan I was soaking.
“What’s wrong Ita?” Tenya was not having my excuses “you’ve been so overly active and being hard on yourself lately.”
“I’m fine, just roughed up” lies, but I didn’t want to talk about it.
“No you’re not” he said so firmly and blunt that it demanded attention “please tell me whats wrong.”
“I said I’m fine” I lost my temper a bit that I snapped the handle off the pan I was scrubbing.
“That doesn’t look fine to me” he walked closer as she threw the pan away in frustration “talk to me Ita,” he put his hands on her shoulders “don’t push me away, I want to help.”
That was my breaking point, my relationship entered my pile of problems and stresses and I couldn’t handle my burdens anymore. I fell to my knees and my migirine hit harder than usual “STOP! I CAN’T THINK, PLEASE!” I put my hands on my ears and shut my eyes because everything was overwhelming me at once. I unknowingly levitate random objects as I cried out in agony.
“Stop what?! Ita?” he rushed to her side but was pushed by a wave of telekinetic energy “what is going on?! I don’t know what to do!”
Muffin 2.0 rushed in to put a pair of noise cancelling headphones and a blind fold on her, suddenly she stopped crying in agony and the objects fell to the ground. The little robo then carried her to the guest room to lay her down on the bed. “Sorry you had to witness that” apologized the robo “I detected a spike in her brain activity and took on protocol.”
“What protocol would that be?” asked Tenya as he hesitated to get closer to her.
“It’s best if you wait for Dad and Big Sis come and explain” he makes Tenya back up and out the guest room.
Not even a second later, Jin and Mimi portal in “Oh my God, okay first off” Jin panted as the portal closed behind them “what did you do to set her off? And are you injured in anyway?”
“I just asked what was wrong and she kept putting in excuses that she’s fine until I put my hands on her shoulders” he reanacted “and I’m not injured, but she flung me pretty hard to knock me on the floor.”
“Oh that’s bad” Mimi turned to the robo “Muffin, can you print me the chart of her vitals within past hour?” she heads to the stairs “I’ll be back, gotta check something real quick to be sure.”
“Okay, I’ll explain shit to him” Jin turned his attention to Tenya “let’s have a seat on the couch” they sit on the couch “okay, let me start with, I don’t like you and your need to pester Ita BUT you make her happy, so I’ve been tolerating you as long as y’all stay together.”
“Understandable, but what is going on?”
“It’s very long winded” Jin sighed “but I’ll keep things summerized, so Ita has telekinesis and it comes with a slew of side effects as the person ages and goes through stress and tragedy. You know her backstory but you don’t know what exactly happened in those years you were apart” Jin paused a bit to hold back his emotions “it was hard on her that she lost so much in a short amount of time that she just buried herself in her studies and work. She started to just overwork herself to near death and the stress would keep her up at night to the point where we’d go to work and she wasn’t at her best. The tipping point was when she was studying for her finals and she got a migriane, for others a disabling headache, for her an agonizing and life threatening pain. We got her to the hospital where they got her mostly under control but with no idea how to help her. I studied up on it and turns out she was going to die if I wasn’t home to hear the scream and get her help within the first 20mins.” he clenched his fists “she got the help she needed and just in case, I programed Muffin 2.0 to help with the cutting off of sensory part until I can portal her to a hospital. But I don’t know if she’ll need it because this is the first one in a year and a half! I have to wait on Mimi with the vital charts.”
Mimi came down the stairs just as he said that “Okay, good news, she doesn’t need to go to the hospital” she sighed before speaking “bad news, she’s prone to another episode, her blood-pressure spiked and hasn’t gone down.”
“Fuck she’s too stressed” Jin put his hands on his face “we can’t afford another episode, the meeting is in 2 days!”
Mimi pursed her lips and took a deep breath “You know you have to do the right thing baby boy” she sat next to Jin and put her hand on his back “she trusts you to make decisions for her when this happens, we love her and want whats best.”
“I know but I just can’t bear to make them, I need her to fool proof my plan” Jin starts to tear up “we argue on who’s right all the time but she’s my backup planner, I’m useless on my own.”
“None of that Jin!” she slaps him on the back to shock him “we don’t give up when one of us is down” she looms over him “what is the plan Jin? Do we leave her to die here or do we save her?!”
Jin’s face lights up “THAT’S IT! We take her to Okinawa now so that way she’s out of her stressful environment, has time to come down and focus until the meeting.” He turns to Tenya “fair warning, we’re going to take her away for a few days, I know she said only Sunday but we’ll be back on Monday evening.”
“If it will help her, please take as much time as needed” Tenya fixed his glasses “I just want her to get better and I’ll take care of things here.”
The friends prepare her luggage and wrap her in a comforter to prevent the overstimulation of travel. Jin contacts Beizu on the early departure and things get situated accordingly. Ita recovered quickly and in time for the meeting, plus was able to get them to give an immediate answer. At the house, Tenya was coming to terms of Ita’s lifestyle and how truly stressful it is. She works two jobs, makes public appearances, talks to high profile people everyday and comes home to do housework plus manage a relationship. This episode really put in perspective that she didn’t need Tenya, she wanted to be with him and finds it worth the trouble. He couldn’t sleep while she was away, and she couldn’t either, the bed was too cold. Monday evening arrived and as much as Tenya wanted to stay awake to see her, he fell asleep on the couch. When she portaled in and saw his tired face, she floated him to bed and climbed in too.
Tenya was the first one to wake up, he saw the familiar mass of black curls on the adjacent pillow “Love? Is that you?” he softly spoke, like he was afraid to be wrong.
“It’s me, hi” I replied, rubbing my eyes “um, about last-”
“I know now, it’s okay” he interrupted me with a hug “I was so scared that I was going to lose you and it hurt to not be there for you or know that to do” he squeezed tighter “this time apart had me thinking.”
“Thinking about what?”
“How much you actually work and that our relationship is a burden to everything else you have going on!” he broke the hug to look at her face “am I really worth the added stress? Because I’ve done close to nothing to what you bring to the table.”
“You are worth it Tenya,” I sigh “I put in the effort to make you dinner and have everything clean so you come home to things the way you want it, because I don’t want to seem like I don’t care. I do it like I’m competing for your heart.”
“Theres no need for all that” he kisses her, lingering on it “I will never have feelings for anyone else but you. But from now on, I’m going to do things for you to alleviate the stress of life.”
“Like what?” I asked, still dazed by that kiss.
“On my days off, I’ll do all the house things so you don’t have to come home stressed.” he starts to list off things “I’ll make your breakfast every morning, make you a bath when you’re achy and tired, I’ll make sure you don’t get pent up” he starts to tug at her waist band “speaking of which, you’ve been gone for 4 days, time for your man to take care of this.” He expressed his neediness in the form of lovemaking, her expressions and moans in the morning light made the moment almost therapeutic. Dazed and breathless, he dresses and carries her downstairs for breakfast.
“Did you go through my rolodex of recipes while I was gone?” I asked curiously, waiting for him to finish cooking.
“I thought I did a good job at putting back exactly how it was” he was shocked “how did you know?”
“You’re cooking chilaquiles, that’s marked under the mexican flag tabs and I can see the tab from here” I giggled “I usually flip the cards to the alphabetized side of the tabs when I’m done using it.”
“I didn’t notice that” he looked at the rolodex again “well, I was going through all the mexican recipes to cook comfort food for you but they’re all for a group of 5 or more.” he plated the eggs and beans “so I made a whole half gallon of this red salsa before reading the bottom of the card that its a party serving.”
I started laughing “The 6 roasted tomatoes, 2 onions and quarter pound of chile verde didn’t tip you off?”
“Don’t laugh! I’ve never made salsa” he chopped before turning off the stove “now that I think about it, I’ve never seen you make salsa or any of the mexican staples.”
“I make some things ahead of time and store them in the fridge for later” I watch him scoop the chilaquiles onto the plate, mouth watering “I make salsa on sunday afternoons, tortillas on wednesday mornings, chips on saturday evenings and beans on tuesday before I go to work.” I get presented with the plate “oh! can you get me the two containers on the top shelf of the fridge door?”
He gets the two items “what are these?”
“Queso and crema fresca” I say as I top off my chilaquiles “the two things I can’t make and I spend top dollar to get imported.” I take the first bite and almost start crying “oh FUCK this is good! Thanks babe.”
“You’re welcome” he washed his hands and pondered “what else do you get imported?”
“I get dry chiles, mole paste, cooking oil, cheese of all types, dry herbs, maize and canned hominy” I pause to sip my coffee “I also get all my hair and skin things from America via my parents sending them to me when I ask. And I order my snacks in bulk” I point to the shuttered door next to the fridge “that’s just full of hot cheetos and other of my favorite snacks, I have to lock it when Bakugo comes over or he’ll eat all of the exxtra hot ones.”
“I was wondering why that door has a keypad” he chuckled “I’ve been living with you for nearly a year and I still don’t know your schedule or routine” he leaned on the counter “does that make me a bad partner?”
“No, to be honest, theres so much to know” I put my fork down “sometimes I forget you live with me until I see the extra pair of shoes next to mine or the whole ass other car in the garage” I pick at the egg yolk “I live my day to day like I was still alone because it’s what I planned for myself when I first came here. I was to live alone and die alone because nobody cares about the foreign girl enough to come to her living space, let alone love her.”
“Did I change that?” Tenya was taken back by what I said.
“Yes, in a good way” I smiled and looked up at him “you made me rethink my plan in every way possible throughout high school, but you saved me from an early death.”
“Early death?”
“Yea, female telekinesis users usually don’t live past 30″ I explained “often you’ll see them get married young or have children in their teen years because they know that they won’t have a chance at a more appropriate age. The women in my family seem to find the key to a long life is family” a smile spread across my face as tears welled in my eyes “and you gave me hope that I can have it all! I want to spend what time I have left with you, I decided that on my 17th birthday when you were waiting for me at the tree” tears were streaming down my face but I was still smiling “because I wished the year before for someone to make my days more bearable and less lonely, and there you were.”
“Even after all that happened?” Tenya was moved by her words “you still wanted to spend your life with me?” He saw her nod as she wiped her tears “I’m touched that you think so highly of me, I promise to make the most of everyday and let our love grow.”
“I know you will” our hands meet “you’ve cared for my poor, little tired heart this far.”
The weeks fly by and it’s August, Tenya’s birthday. We celebrate at the Iida family estate for the weekend. I’ve already met his parents and they adore me for being a possible daughter-in-law.
“Oh Ita! So nice to see you again!” exclaimed Tenya’s mother “Tenya carry her bags! She has to be tired from working so hard these past weeks.”
“Thank you, I’m fine” I politely declined, his mother gets overbearing “but how are you? Tenya tells me you and Mr. Iida have been doing couples tennis lately?”
Tenya and Tensei watch as the two women walk away to the parlor. “Hi mother, I’m great! Thanks for asking!” Tensei spoke as he felt the most ignored “maybe I should get girlfriend too and maybe mom and dad would acknowledge me again, their OLDEST son.”
“You feel ignored? IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!” Tenya was feeling a little salty too “watch them fully ask me to propose to her and not talk to me for the rest of the weekend when I say not yet.”
“Well, at least she brings liveliness to the place” Tensei said as they rolled to their room “I’ll be in my room, come get me when it’s time for lunch.”
Tenya brings the bags to their room for the weekend, which is just his old room. He set up her vase of lillies, lavender and sage when he got an idea.
-Later that evening-
“Hey lets go on a little walk in the gardens” Tenya asked Ita before they headed to the room.
“Sure, I could use some away time from your parents” I hooked my arm to his “they’re being extra nosey, asking if I’m planning to propose to you and if I plan to take the family name or if I’m pregnant.”
“Wow I’m sorry they’re pressuring you” they walk out to the patio “they like you and want you to stay in the family. Our family isn’t very big and if we got married, we’d be the 1st one in this generation.”
“Oh many many are in your generation?”
“3, myself and two cousins” he said deflated “I know it’s so little but our family is dwindling and there’s pressure to start families to keep the lineage strong.”
“Oof I have a feeling if we started a family” I laughed softly “our kids would cause hysteria among your quiet and mild mannered family. They’d be so loud, out spoken, hot headed and over the top weird that everyone will regret pressuring us having kids.”
“That’s what I want though” Tenya laughed at the thought “you bring so much to the table and the spice of your double quirks and hispanic traits, these curly haired rebels won’t be ignored and will be born to change the old ways.”
“I like the thought of that” I pondered on it “do you think one our kids will be the next Ingenium?”
“How many kids do you want?”
“3 kids, pregnancy sucks ass but I also want that good old sibling experience where there’s different ages and dynamics between them” I sigh into a smile “did I mention twins run in my family? Imagine that showing up in the family tree! The Iida twins.”
“Well in that case, if Tensei doesn’t have kids, then maybe our kids will be the next Ingenium” he chopped slowly “they’d have to have the engine quirk in order to get the title.” He stopped in front of the gazebo “lets sit here, you can see the view of the gardens from there.”
They sit and Ita looks out in awe “It’s so lush and bigger than I thought!” she points to a blank area “what’s that piece of lawn used for?”
“It’s just a piece of lawn but I have some sort of plan for it” he puts his arm around her “I want to build you a botanical garden sanctuary, one where you can frolic in and take a nap in the sunlight” he makes gestures to convey his idea “I’d plant lillies, lavender, sage and an orange tree with moss coverings and a koi pond. Wouldn’t that be nice? So that way you’ll have a piece of land when you become part of the family.”
“That does sound nice but is that allowed?”
“Only if you own the estate” he explained “one day, I’ll get the estate and we’ll live a grand and lavish life with our family. We’ll spend endless hours frolicking about and throw parties” he felt her head rest on his shoulder “doesn’t that sound nice? Would you live with me here?”
“I’d follow you anywhere as long as we’re together” I assured him “and I’m in no rush to get things started, one day at a time Tenya.”
“Even if it takes up all of our time together?”
“Even if it takes up all that time, it took us almost 7 years to admit we had feelings for each other!” I teased “whats a lifetime with the one you love compared to one without them? When the time is right, the universe will present us with marriage and children” I shifted my gaze to him “right now the universe is shifting me to some risky activity behind those tall hedges over there.”
“Risky acti- OH! oh~” He caught on very quickly “I always wanted to partake in risky lovemaking” he carried her to the hedges “happy early birthday to me!”
“You’re dumb!” I laughed “sure beats cake huh?”
“Very much so!”
-The Next Evening-
More of his family showed up and it was truly a small family. 8 family members show up and I remembered all of them from the Estate Ball. They were quite pleased that I was there and the idea that I might marry into their family.
“Oh! I was meaning to show this to you!” Mr. Iida suddenly remembered after dinner “it’s not a present but it’s something I’ve gotten restored and placed back into the grand hall.”
He leads us to the grand hall and uncloaked a glossy baby grand piano “Is that a Belgium Vintage Baby Grand Piano!” I hollered, fully geeking out “oh man the gloss on this baby is divine- OH MY GOD IT HAS THE ORIGINAL PLAYER’S BENCH!”
“Have a seat on it my dear” Mr. Iida gestured for me to sit “why don’t you play us something? Tenya always shows us videos of you singing and playing.”
“He does? I don’t remember having videos of me performing” I questioned.
“Oh yes! My favorite one was of you singing with that jazz band in the auditorium” spoke his cousin “you have a lovely voice for jazz.”
“I loved the one where she was playing the ukulele on the couch” said his other cousin “I wish I was as talented as you!”
It clicked in my head that Tenya has been secretly recording me singing and I guess he would play them during the time we were apart. “Alright alright!” I play a G chord on the piano and take a seat “any requests?”
“Can you play that song, the name is slipping my mind” Tenya struggled to remember “the one about the moon and spring on Jupiter and Mars?”
“OH! Fly Me to the Moon!” I finished his thought process and put my fingers over the keys “...Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars...” I saw the looks on everyone’s face when I opened my mouth to sing. It was almost like they’ve never seen live music, the room felt like it’s been decades since somebody played something so upbeat “...fill my life with song and let me sing forevermore! You are all I long for, all I worship and adore...” could it be because it’s true? Or is it because I’m showing a part of me that’s so private that if they told the world, they’d never believe them? “...in other words, I love....YOU!” Their clapping startled me, even though I was expecting it, this time it hit different.
“Lovely playing! Brava!” Mr. Iida praised “oh I knew this was a good investment” he cleared his throat “I got the piano restored and out of the estate storage so that we can have the estate more lively with the sounds of music!” he gestured to me “we, the Iida family, love having you around and Tenya tells us how you fill the empty halls with your singing and music. We’d love to make you comfortable here now that you’re one of us.”
“Oh um I didn’t-” Tenya spoke up but was interrupted by his father.
“You’ve graced this family with your kindness, grace and music” his father held my hand between his “please stay, we need more people like you marrying into our quiet and dwindling family.”
“I’ll stay as long as I’m welcomed” I warmly smiled “I’d never leave Tenya, he’s so much more than just my boyfriend, he’s my soulmate.”
His mother started to cry “You’re too pure of heart! Please Tenya, marry her already!”
I felt more accepted into their family but the time wasn’t right for me to be among them. And I was okay with that, I said what I said. Will things get horrendous? Bitch it might.
-Chapter 39, End-
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#bnha#mha#self insert au#chapter 39#not canon#will update regularly#ask me anything#//Palma-sama Speaks#yet another chapter of fluff#now with more spanish! and domestic life#we're nearing the end of this part of the AU...BUT don't fret#I'll explain the timeline of the AU in the next one SO STAY TUNED!
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