What’s the appropriate way for me to respond to customers handing me religious pamphlets/cards? I’m not worried about getting fired btw.

I need to vent for a second, since people keep asking me for updates. And yes, this is a personal vent.

My life is a mess, as I've said in several of my author's notes on all of my stories. And while I owe absolutely no explanations to anyone or anything for any reason, *maybe* this will put things in perspective for some of you impatient folk.

My grandfather is battling stage four cancer and it's spread in his lungs. I don't have a lot of time left with him, and I'm watching this news destroy my mom and grandmother. I want to see him as often as I can, which is not leaving me with a lot of writing time.

I have to get another biopsy because the benign tumor in my head has grown. My neurologist is worried at how quickly it has amassed, and wants to make sure it hasn't become malignant. You know, that same brain that houses my wenclairs? She could be very ill.

I tore every fucking ligament in my left knee a few months ago, that had to be surgically repaired, and PT for it has left me in immeasurable pain. Another time and energy consumer, keeping me away from my writing. I can't walk without a crutch.

My uncle recently passed away without any warning, and my cousin was just killed in a car accident less than two weeks ago. I've watched both of those losses hurt my father, as they're his side of the family.

And because of all of this, my depression has made a VIOLENT EMERGENCE. It's crippling. If not for my girlfriend and my friends, I wouldn't be here anymore. I am so tired but I cannot sleep. Every new drama takes another piece of me with it. I cry all the time. I try so hard to be strong but man, I'm only a person.

I want to write wenclair. I want it. I think about them all the time. TDWW is 99% finished but I cannot focus enough to write the final scene. I want to have YMU ready for next week. TFT and Pandora will be in there somewhere. I need them, they're my strength. I feel as broken as Wednesday.

I'm human, not a content factory. So many of you have sent such lovely words and support to me, and I'm thankful for all of you. The kindness is so amazing, and I'm so thankful. And I know I shouldn't let the voices of the few overpower the good of the many. But I'm not perfect and all of this has left me incredibly vulnerable, so the slightest negativity has been heavily impacting me.

I'll update as soon as I am able, please just have a little bit of patience. 🩷🖤

Okay.

I was mad about S2E8, but the fan response has me worried. I'm seeing people being very uncharitable towards each other and the creators. The fandom infighting I can live with. That's fandom for you. But I am concerned about how this could impact the creators. Rant incoming, be ye warned.

First and foremost, I hope the entire creative team behind OFMD turns off their internet for a while. I'm sure they're getting absolutely mobbed right now, and they don't deserve it. I want to trust them to understand how the internet works and tune out, because this is the kind of shit that damages people. I'm genuinely scared for them.

We have got to stop making it dangerous to tell Queer stories. It's hard not to lash out when something hurts, and the internet makes lashing out so easy to do. It hurts like hell when you (reluctantly) trust a creator, and they disappoint you. But I can't think of a Queer show or creator that hasn't faced online harassment from the Queer community, and that is fucking tragic.

I didn't like S2E8. I thought it was poorly executed, especially compared to the astonishingly high-quality writing in the rest of the show. But just because I didn't think it was good, doesn't mean it has to be evil. And frankly, I hope no one involved with the show ever sees my criticism of it. As a writer, I know what kind of feedback helps, and what just hurts. My venting and analysis isn't for them, it's for me and my fellow pirate enjoyers. My feelings have a place, and DJenkins' inbox is not it. Telling a story I personally disliked is not a crime. There should be no punishment for doing it.

I trusted the OFMD team to tell a good story. That trust has taken a dent or two, because a character I cared for died in a way that was, to my mind, trite, forced, unsatisfying, and unkind. That was disappointing. I am disappointed. I can live with that. But if the creators suffer for telling Queer stories, that would be unfathomably worse. And if that scares people off from telling Queer stories in future? That would be heartbreaking.

I wish I could rage and froth about the stories I care about without worrying about collateral damage. And if those stories weren't about marginalized people, I could. That's the kicker. That's the double standard. People who create and consume status-quo-ass-kissing media don't have to worry so much about this shit. Their icons can commit terrible real-world crimes and sell memoirs about it. Mine can't even make a divisive narrative choice without getting loudly condemned straight to super-hell.

TL:DR Creators of Queer stories get held to impossible standards. Please leave DJenkins and the team alone. Online harassment = bad.

(Note: Edited for more clarity and less sensationalizing language.)

@cerastes oh no worries!! i'm actually OK to answer this because maybe the key is that i'm doing something wrong and knowing how to fix it might make it enjoyable for me again.

More of a "circumstances" cause than what i was expressing in the post, but right now is more a problem of space and time. I live with my parents and I have a problem with the volume of my voice and since i tend to prefer streaming late at night i find it impossible to be comfortable unless i'm guaranteed to be home alone. I could have streamed more when I was in my apartment in Paris, but it is what it is. So, if i ever change my mind, it would be after i solve this problem!

Maintaining a schedule is a difficult, especially since i tend to be more of a "fuck around and decide what to do on instant T". I could be more of a "guerilla streamer" where I don't stick to a schedule (like i did in the past) and stream whatever i want, whenever i want.

I don't really know if I can bring a community and it impacts my self esteem to not really know how to draw people in because (continued in next point)

Overall, I do not consider myself to be an interesting person to watch. I have a bit of an "identity crisis" where I try to perform but also want to be myself and I overall feel very uncomfortable. I know my bit is my Antagonizing Relationship With Chat (which i do love and appreciate because, despite having a bit of paradoxical issues with "joke trashtalking", i am conscious that this is The Bit like pro wrestling. i actually love it haha), but I also feel there's eyes watching my every action and that if i don't do something Funny, people will lose interest. And the paradox is that this fear just manifests in me... not speaking, being confused, having trouble finding my words and thinking "god, i'm making a fool out of myself" and just thinking of excuses i can make to end the stream to stop embarrassing myself. My last streaming experiences last year was just that all the time. I really wish I could fix this.

Maybe the problem is that I haven't found my niche as a streamer, since it takes time and effort + trial and error, and that i need to actually find out what i like.

And there's also the fact that, in the end, video games are a hobby for me and streaming them brings a totally different experience. There's good and bad aspects of this. The Super Castlevania IV streams were my ultimate favourite experience because everyone made it so fun, whereas i ended up disliking streaming a certain game i used to like a lot because i kept getting backseated. I don't know how to express it, maybe "i don't like the pressure of monetizing my hobby" (without the monetizing aspect and more of the "dedicate to the bit" aspect of it). But that's a non-problem in the end because the pros outweighs the cons, so Perish the Thought.

Writing all that down was actually a good idea, because i externalized the struggle i felt about streaming (whenever i feel like i want to stream something i always kill the thought thinking "you're not interesting. don't do that. remember your last streams?"). I actually wrote this vent post after someone asked me enthusiastically if i'd be streaming the new Pizza Tower update, which made me kind of bummed because i would love to do it if there wasn't all this struggle i just listed (+ the time constraint because "you have to stream the hot new game NOW" although i have made it clear in the past that i do not vibe with that school of thought), and in that i feel like i've let down the few people who do appreciate me streaming...

So in the end, it's all that. But writing this made me a bit more hopeful I can enjoy this again...! If i make the effort, I can do this!

hey im sorry if this is a weird ask, but like i was about 11 when i found a roblox rp server ran by you, now long discontinued but in that server i met my first ever internet friend roleplaying. we were friends on skype until eventually they made me move to discord. being on discord lead me to meet other people, and after a long time and joining a couple communities, i met my girlfriend, and a few years later, right now i'm moving into a new house and we're going to be moved in together. none of that would be a thing if i never made a discord account to talk to my friend that i met on your roblox server. so like. thank you. i still follow what you do to this day out of a sort of respect and the knowledge i would be entirely different without that domino effect. i mightve left a youtube comment or some kind about this before? but to my knowledge ive never really told you about this. idk how to end this but like. thank you.

thank you so, so much for the kind words! they made my day today and left me with a huge grin on my face that refuses to go away

i've been told many times about how the roblox rp game, the epic crossover (aka TEC) has affected people. i've been told it's affected people in a good way, and in a bad way. in my experience, it's been a mixed bag-- i've gotten a lot of harassment when i ran the discord server for TEC. it even got dragged to twitter, years later when i talked about my experiences running it publicly, and how i was chased out of my own discord because i got pissed off that nobody said anything to the mods when someone dropped their suicide letter in a vent channel, spearheaded by someone i'd like to keep anonymous (but will call them A for sake of simplicity). there was a callout post that got deleted based off of those events. person A allegedly has/had DID, giving me anxiety around people with DID for a few years. years later after those events, based off of what i was told, allegedly A was faking it. i don't know how true this is, but if this was the case it would make sense. they used their alters in the server in order to shame me and gang up on me, or at least that's how it felt. other admins on the discord and in the roblox game itself have told me that helping me run it all was also immensely stressful, even after i left, and i feel an incredible amount of guilt surround it.

however, those same friends told me a lot of good. they've met their best friends, partners, and realized who they were because of what i made. in a sense, i found out who i was because of TEC. sometimes, though, i doubt that the positive impacts outweigh the negatives. i get really worried about how my actions impact others. and being told this, it really means a lot. i'm really happy i've been able to have that kind of impact on you, even if we don't know each other. it feels nice to bring something positive into somebody's life.

roundabout way of saying: thank you. i'm hanging this on my mental fridge forever

Sorry in advance for treating this like ‘Dear Abby’ but I am in need of some advice from a Queer Adult TM…

So, I have this friend who I’ve known for about ten years now. We’re seventeen right now, so let’s just say we went through allllll the phases together. We realized we were queer together, we had our first fandom experiences together (they were actually the person who introduced me to fanfic, which I’m really grateful for, because ever since it has been an integral part of my life), we were DeviantArt furry artists together circa 2016, it was a lot of embarrassing but also fun times. We are also both… and quite mentally ill and it was nice to have someone to help me through the worst bits (when I didn’t have access to therapy or meds) and how I could help them in return.

Lately (maybe over the past 2 years?) we’ve been drifting apart. I think it has a lot to do with the fact we don’t have many common interests anymore (they stopped caring about mine, and stopped sharing theirs with me), but we still do a lot together. They’re my coworker, a member of my ttrpg group, etc. etc.. Due to social anxiety they were my only friend for many years but now I have a few more, so I don’t mind not being as close to them (and I dislike putting the burden of me being reliant/clingy on them). However, they’ve recently been making it harder and harder for me to keep that friendship.

They smoke weed, get shitty stick and pokes, binge energy drinks and shoplift. I don’t have any moral issue with any of those things, but it’s concerning to me because I know they are not in the the right headspace to make those decisions about substances (and the rest). We have both struggled with mental illness, self-harm, and eating disorders. Part of the reason I drifted away from them is because they have no filter and “vent” about their problems to the point where it is very triggering to me (especially in terms of sh and ed). I don’t mind lending an ear but I also have boundaries that I put in place for myself… But yeah, even though they have access to treatment it seems not to be working, or there’s something hindering it. It really hurts to see them in such a bad place because we started out in similar places in regards to our mental health and now that I’m in a better place, they’re not.

I genuinely love and care about this person, but it’s so hard to help them when they shut down every form of help I + the rest of our mutual friends can offer. They’re very manipulative, I would like to think without meaning to, to the point where they twist my words around (for example, recently they did something extremely inappropriate and when I told them I was concerned for their well-being, they said they were sorry for making me “uncomfortable”). They’re also one of those people that plays oppression Olympics, and insists their parents are homophobic and tried to send them to conversion therapy— I know their parents very well, they are literal leftists who have pride flags in their front yard, campaign for politicians that support queer and trans rights, and attend one of the only completely gay-friendly and supporting churches in the area. But the way they talk about them causes other people to dislike them and think they’re homophobic, which they have noticed. I think it’s cruel to them, and also symptomatic of a larger problem that my friend has— they don’t seem to understand that their actions and words have consequences for other people.

I guess what I wanted to ask was: is it worth cutting this person off? I have a feeling that we were naturally grow even farther apart as we go to university, because our values are very different… They’re an anti, I’m not, they have a very surface-level views of politics and believe everything they read in Instagram infographics, I don’t. I don’t consider myself very mature, but they look very immature next to me. Besides, being around them often ends up negatively impacting me as well. However, I worry that cutting them off will makes things worse for them. I don’t want to see them get even more hurt. My confrontations haven’t been doing anything, but maybe they’ll come to their senses eventually.

I really don’t know what to do in this situation, but I’d appreciate any advice from anyone willing to offer it.

--

Since you're about to go off to college, I'd let the friendship naturally fade.

It's not your job to save this person, and I do think you need to get away from them since they don't seem to be making an effort. But since you're naturally drifting away anyway, I don't think having a big, dramatic friend breakup will help anything.

On another note, everyone should have a moral objection to shoplifting. Not only is it dishonest and a sign that something is fucking wrong with you to shoplift, but shoplifters directly hurt retail peons who will get their pay cut as a result of store losses.

People who do this aren't sticking it to the man. They're parasites who hurt other nobodies.

The fact that a lot of teens (American teens?) think this disgraceful behavior is normal enrages me.

my relationship with friendship is such an odd thing that I barely understand. It's heavily impacted by my being traumatized and having personality disorders. When I was little I always desired friendships, but they wouldn't ever last and if we ever had separate classes, we would never see each other. They would find new friends and move on.

In middle school, I had so much difficulty with friends. The trauma started hitting and I had a mental dip and would react strongly to any form of perceived abandonment, some of which...was real but they just made me feel like i was crazy about my own emotions. I wasn't always a good friend in sixth grade, but I tried the other two years to be a lot better. But still I had toxic friends that would fake it around me, find me to be too much, would make promises only to break them, would make me the scapegoat in fights and say that they never said those things even though they told me to tell the other friend that, and so much more. I did everything asked because I wanted friends, because I thought that's what friendship was. I gaslit myself about any perceived abandonment even though I felt consistently ignored and like I didn't matter to people. And most of all, when I tried to explain how I experience friendship, I was treated poorly and like I was some cruel horrible person. And it led to a lot of scarring that now if a friend and I don't talk for a bit, I feel that they have chosen to abandon me and I have a long term delusional break.

Friends always came with drama in middle school and when I was on OG Vent back in early high school. Friends that would promise everything then just stop talking and I don't know where they go or if I even did anything. Me having special interests would lead to me being told I was bossy and controlling. People faked around me which I took at face value cause I'm autistic. I could legitimately talk and no one would listen. They would use me for advice and dump all of their drama and stuff on me without any care. For years, I was treated poorly by people that would use me as more of a projection tool and an outlet than an actual friend. My boundaries were ignored and any reassurance needed would be met with anger.

And now my idea of friendship is fucked. And I'm terrified. Not because anything is actually inherently wrong with how I experience friendships. But I worry that if this person I feel closer to than another will lead to them hating me. Like MA is my one true safe person. They know everything and they're a big part of the reason I can unmask or even know what I go through. I can't open up to my friends or my girlfriend like that. And it makes me feel so rotten inside for prioritizing this one friendship about others.

My mom also regularly makes me feel guilty about not making new friends or not knowing basic details about my friends. She even would try to push me to make new friends instead of my old friends for the sake of "experiences in my 20s."

I am always going to be a projection to most people. They will project onto me and see whatever they want to see and when I fail those expectations, they will not be happy. It leads to such dissonance within myself that I don't even feel real in my own system. Every alter of mine, even the ones I'm not as aware of for safety, feels so complete and whole. I feel like I'm just a ghost. Even though I'm the one "leading" the system by being the one in control of our body all of the time, I feel like such a ghost and not even like my own person within this system. I don't feel real most days.

I don't even really care about my friendships overall. They're my loved ones, of course I care, but my mood towards them is so fluid. Not in that I hate them sometimes and love them other times, but sometimes I just don't care about having friends or loved ones cause it's so much work. I have to put in so much work with everyone but MA because of an ideal that I have set up for myself and trapped myself into because I fear losing friends if I don't act as what they see as a good friend. Even my girlfriend, I love her and she loves me, but I still put in so much effort for her that I just don't want. Because I'm aware my loved ones don't have the same perception as me where it isn't just the expected stereotypical relationship.

I love them, I care about them, I feel emotionally isolated, I feel like I have to mask the smaller things or I could lose them. I don't know how much is reality and how much is just my previous traumas with friends coming through. I don't talk to Ray or my gf much cause I'm coping with disability stuff and need time to myself cause brain fog is SO bad right now. And they're both fine. But I really feel like I lost C as a friend and can't even ask for anything because of my trauma.

I have so much baggage in relationships and feel trapped behind the world's expectations of what love and friendships look like that I'm scared to fully unmask. I do it with MA and they're fine with it. He's so nice when I act like my narcissistic, antisocial, schizoid self and feel things much less than normal or I actively admit the parts I'm terrified will lead to abandonment.

I'm tired of being a projection to my friends. And I know my current loved ones won't leave me, but I still don't feel like I can fully explain what it is like to be aplatonic and to have a fucked up relationship with love and relationships. The mix of apathy and also desiring those kinds of things you know you won't get. The way I WANT loved ones and don't want to lose them, but I cannot just give my all for the sake of them anymore. That some days I can't fucking feel. Some days I need my boundaries and to be alone cause I don't give a shit. Some days love feels foreign to me and other days it's so intense it's obsessive. Being a constantly fluctuating person in everything is exhausting and the isolation from it is so painful.

Even in writing this, I feel as though I fail to convey how it is. Cause getting the thoughts from my brain to my mouth or hands just fails so often.

It's also so much more complex cause I've known em for 5/6 or almost 6/7 years now so there's also a lot of growth and unmasking that has happened.

But being traumatized by poor friendships, feeling like a projection of what everyone else sees you as, having almost everything you say misconstrued when you think you're speaking precisely, learning how disabled and traumatized and disordered you are and wondering if unmasking will lead to abandonment is a lot to deal with.

I don't really desire friends. I enjoy my mutuals. I enjoy the people I see regularly. I feel positive things for familiar people to me. I enjoy time with my friends and gf. But I don't have any desire to put in the normal expected work. To get to know someone. To talk and hang out a lot. And I'm tired of feeling like I have to put in work or risk abandonment because people view love and relationships very differently to me. It's why I appreciate MA as my safe person. They don't judge, they don't take personal offense, they try to understand even if it's wildly different to them, and they let me be isolated and apathetic and schizoid and antisocial as much as i want. And our communication becoming more successful when I'm allowed to unmask my disordered traits is so nice. I don't have an outlet anywhere else. I love you, MA. So fucking much. I shall treasure you forever.

But that's my rant on my experiences of love and relationships. I adore my loved ones, but it's also complicated how I feel. Cause I have a fucked up perception from trauma and being neurodivergent. Nothing is wrong with that though.

I don't know how to be or do anything. I don't feel real and I don't know how to feel fully safe amongst people that aren't MA. But I don't really mind that overall. Cause I'm doing pretty well in my life. It's just scary having so many issues and fearing abandonment and losing a loved one because I couldn't fulfill their expectations of me. And a lot of it is just delusional and paranoid thinking based on previous bad experiences. Cause the people I have now ARE good friends and DO love me and won't leave me. But I can't get past that wall of fear.

I randomly got recommended a post of yours on my dash today and I kinda wanted to vent/ask something of your thought because it keep haunting me.

With how people are towards the term tulpa without second thought where leave people who use it because of branch to Buddhism?

I was raised Buddhist and there was belief similar that impact my family at its core but because of where we live my parent died never giving me terms and details only the concepts. When I in similar practice made, by accident, th3se people I looked for a word and found tulpa as this safe similar that respected it wasn't exactly a specific Buddhist branch but for me was Buddhist related and gave me way to touch my own linage while unable to directly know.

I probably just use it badly to have purposely wanted that Buddhist connection but then what do I call them? What term is meant to be used for devotion and formation beings that don't fully cross either axis? Wish things were not so scary to ask and wonder. I worry lot about this as the hate grew bigger.

Do you have any advice or words?

Sign unknown sect JPN Buddist with unintentionally made, yet through intentional actions formed beings and had them for many years now

Sorry if phrased badly or not clear. Stress seem to make my English much worse 😔

I've read your ask a few times to see if I fully understand it, so bear with me, and don't feel bad about your English. English is a stupid melting pot of various things and is literally the most inconsistent language in the world, so as long as people can understand you, that's what matters. So please, correct me if I misunderstand or misinterpret anything you've said.

So, from what I gathered, you use tulpa specifically to connect to Buddhism in some way, shape, or form because your parents passed away prematurely before they could pass much down unto you. And your question seems to boil down to, "If we shouldn't connect tulpa to Buddhism, what do I call them?" And honestly, my answer is: you bring up a very unique and interesting perspective.

You connect the word tulpa to Buddhism because you're Buddhist and gives you a sense of connection to a lineage you likely will never get to know. And quite frankly, I don't see what you do as a bad thing. In fact, I can kind of relate to it in a weird way. Your situation with your family, I mean. Your perspective kind of proves my point: tulpa is a murky word with murky origins that just isn't perfect. But no word is perfect.

As for any kind of alternative, I'm not quite sure. People keep saying to just call tulpas systemmates, but it generalizes tulpas and ignores what sets them apart from any other systemmate type. It ignores the tulpa creation process, and the journey most people choose to take to create their tulpa. If any of our followers know of any terms that match this anon's description, feel free to reblog them!

Also, this kind of just further proves the point of people who label tulpa as a racist term and that only Asians and/or Buddhists should dictate that, and here you have an Asian Buddhist who personally connects it to Buddhism as a positive thing for themself. There are people who disagree that tulpa is racist, but these people just ignore those voices and only promote those who agree with them. It's super annoying and it's why I compared it to a pissing match in my previous post.

I'm sorry I can't give a more concrete answer, but I just want you to know that I don't think you're wrong for doing what you're doing and why.

7-23-2023

Hi Kristen, I hope the holiday season has been treating you well.

So I've been following your blog for a while and I really enjoy your writing. I've seen you post quite a few times saying that your ask box and DM's are open to anyone who might need someone to listen to them or vent to. I hope me sending this is okay. I guess what I'm looking for is more along the lines of advice and if you'd rather not answer this ask I completely understand and I hope I didn't make you feel uncomfortable or cross a line. That wasn't my intention.

I run a blog on which I mostly write fluff and lately I've found the courage to include a tiny bit of spice in there as well. Not actual smut but I'd love to start writing more of that soon. But something's been holding me back from doing so and this might be a very stupid reason but it's impacted me quite a bit when it comes to writing smut. I'm in my mid 20's and I'm a virgin. I know I probably shouldn't feel this way but I genuinely feel like a loser and fraud for trying to write smut when I have nothing to draw from. I'm so afraid that it'll come out terrible because technically, I don't know what I'm talking about. I remember seeing you answer an ask a while back in which you said that you're a virgin with men and for the first time it made me feel less alone and like it would be okay for me to write smut too. That I didn't need to have experience just to be able to write something smutty but I've fallen back into that old feeling again. I feel stuck in my writing and whenever I try to write smut, despite how much I want to, I end up feeling bad about myself. Have you ever felt that way when you write smut? if so, what helped you to get over it?

I'm sorry this is probably a super weird ask to receive.

It is! How is yours, honey?

First off, I’m so grateful you felt comfortable enough to come to me and share this!

Don’t be ashamed about anything, alright?

Second, virginity is a social construct. You lose it when you feel ready. It doesn’t matter your age, as we all have reasons and circumstances. Media has brainwashed the opinions of what is expected of us. But what we need to remember is that we have our own stories/reasoning. ❤️

And finally, third, I’m proud of you for writing! I decided to channel my energy and gain experience that way. It’s also a helpful tool! A lot of people were surprised that I hadn’t had sex before. And this was before I lost it to my current partner.

I sometimes get sad that I don’t have experience with a man, but that’s only natural if that’s what you want sometimes. Don’t put so much stock into it, love! It doesn’t reflect you or your writing! You can have knowledge of sex without experiencing certain acts, I’ve learned that much! Just remember that research or asking friends is a big help if you think you might need it!

And tmi, but masturbation experiences are also great tools! Hell, I still have trouble writing blow jobs because I’ve never given one, lol. And I’ve only seen dicks on a screen, haha, so describing them is also tricky sometimes, but I just rely on my research! Our instincts are great as well!

Basically, what it all boils down to is being confident in your choice as a virgin and a writer, and not worrying about anyone else ❤️ I’ve felt this way though, so you’re definitely not alone! It can be an ongoing struggle (depends on the day, haha).

I say that you should continue your smut whenever you’re ready, and don’t feel like a fraud, because you’re not! Erotica is open to you, regardless of sexual status. There’s so much things in fic that even non-virgins don’t do, haha. And sex is waaaay sexier/less technical in fics (sometimes. ex: I could not take Steve easily)! Don’t feel bad and just keep going - that’s my advice!

i'm annoyed so you get a rin vent on a platform that doesn't have my face directly attached

i've seen so many posts both on twitter and tumblr recently guilting people for not posting about current events, and acting as if you're morally/ethically at fault if you're not actively posting about it. and i'm sorry, but are you hearing yourselves?

obviously, what is happening is extremely disturbing. there aren't words to describe the level of horror, so i'm not going to try to find them. i should think this goes without saying, but i'm going to say it just so we're clear that my post isn't coming from the angle of 'but who cares about what's happening?'

but you have absolutely no idea how people are impacted by what's happening. you have no idea what personal connection people may have. you have no idea the impact it may be having on their mental states, and when you act so dismissive and act like 'this is negatively impacting my mental health' is a privileged take, you show what you really think about mental health.

there are so many reasons why people may not feel able to talk about it! people may not be able to understand what's happening. people may have grown up in warzones. people may have delusions, obsessions, flashbacks, suicidal ideation triggered that they do not have a healthy way of managing.

and from a practical standpoint, what is the point in expecting everyone to burn themselves out? when people are burnt out, they lack an ability to critically examine what they're reading. with the amount of propaganda and mis/disinformation, it is extremely important right now for people to be taking time and care to consider what they're reading. insisting that people shout while burnt out just means that mis/disinformation is going to rule. who does that help?

'you're privileged to not be under threat of death!!' well, for a start you don't know everyone's personal situations. but beyond that, you guys know it isn't morally wrong to use one's privilege, right?

when this all started, it triggered my ocd so badly that for days straight i was compulsively checking the news and making myself more and more afraid and distressed. every person who i told, including my literal actual therapist, suggested i stop. so i did! and now i take my news from trusted friends (and a few select other reliable sources) and am trying very hard not to fall into another ocd spiral because with other things going on in my life as well i'm genuinely unsure if i'd survive

i'm glad if you've never reached a level of mental distress where you're concerned for your ability to keep yourself safe, but this is the reality that a lot of people are dealing with, and those people are also the one's most likely to think they're morally failing if they refuse to share every post they see

if you do have the energy to keep posting things, then obviously i encourage you to. but i also encourage you to be critical about what you share, to make sure you understand the history, to understand that everyone is spreading propaganda, and to seriously consider the bias held by the people who's voices you're sharing.

first- and second-person accounts are typically you're best bet, along with people who's jobs revolve around this (activists, journalists, politicians but be fucking careful there), as you can generally assume they know the history - but still be careful, make yourself aware of red flags, read the replies if you're worried because odds are someone will be providing more context there. sharing propaganda is not helpful, it just makes it harder for you to understand what's happening and how to help

part of why this is so difficult to talk about is because the levels of performative activism and just straight-up horrific things i've been seeing on my social media is way more than i've seen during other conflicts. it is very dificult to engage with without a good knowledge, and most people who are engaging do not have a good knowledge

i've had to unfollow so many people over the past couple of weeks because they've clearly been so poisoned from propaganda. it seems a lot of people care more about looking like 'good activists' than they do about actually being good activists

vent / about my trust issues in relationships and my past relationships

trigger warnings: gr00ming (being a victim of it) and that’s kinda it. I’m really really scared rn about my relationship I guess, but I know I’m just being paranoid because of my past experiences and

I know my current partner loves me but sometimes I just feel like they’re lying and just really convincing, I feel like they’re just saying that so they can gain my trust and then manipulate or gaslight me, no matter how many times they tell me they love me and say they aren’t lying I can never be 100% sure about their true emotions and intentions. I consider my self to be emotionally intelligent, I’m pretty good at reading people emotions and I often find myself guessing what other people are thinking but there are a few people I find difficult to read, my s/o is one of those people and not fully knowing what they’re feeling or thinking makes me worry a lot. The one I love most has the most control of my emotions because i am most vulnerable with them they can impact my emotions so much. If my partner were to do anything to hurt me or even threaten to leave me they will impact me so much because of how much I love them. I know I’m just being paranoid and it makes sense why. I had an almost 2 year long relationship with someone who never loved me but didn’t want to hurt my feelings so they lied to me for 21 months and waited for me to lose feelings so that when they told me they never actually loved me so I wouldn’t care that much 😃🔫 and then like half a year after after we broke up I started to gain feelings for my older friend and then I got gr00med by him but what happened there is way too much for me to explain and I don’t really want to explain that right now… but the main point about that is the day he left me I vented to him about my fear of abandonment, and how afraid I was that one day he would leave me because I really loved him (I know I shouldn’t have but I did.) Even though I told him how scared I was that he would leave me he left me. 2 hours after I vented about it he left me. He blocked me and we didn’t speak for months. when he unblocked me he told me he had did it on purpose because playing with my emotions was fun. I won’t be explaining that situation any further. (Also both of these relationships were online and very sexual, these relationships are also partially why I’m hypersexual ☺️🔫 DO NOT ONLINE/E DATE) these are most likely why I’m so paranoid and I’m just so terrified that something like those situations will repeat with this person and I’m also afraid of how badly I’ll be effected by it if it did happen.

I just really had to say all this somewhere without bothering anyone. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know if I should ask for advice. I mean I know my s/o loves me but I can’t help but think she’s lying or has some secret plan to destroy my mental health to the breaking point the same way my gr00mer did. (Sorry for any bad grammar I’m lazy and tired. I’m not gonna fix it)

05.Somethin’.23

just need a place to vent today. been awhile since ive wrote anything for this platform and while all of it is basically stream of consciousness thought, it’s incredibly helpful in terms of keeping record of my life and all of its happenings.

I’ve been struggling recently. like, for a long time. I’ve been absent from therapy and psych treatment, bills piling up like crazy, trying to stabilize in environment and in life and it seems like nothing is really letting up. i want to avoid talking about the planets - but Saturn’s return has been beating my fucking ass.

nevertheless i try to enjoy the company of the people in my life. it’s summer so there’s lots of opportunities to get out and do new things. i recently moved downtown to Detroit which was either a wise move or a dumb one. i’m in a really nice place - and i feel some level of guilt about it knowing how precarious my finances have been since the rocky departure from my old job.

since February, I’ve been digging into freelance opportunities and ive had a few. the current role i’m in is taking me to New York this weekend for a conference. the new role is a bucket list type of position, with promising premise of other opportunities to follow. my work often speaks for itself, so i’m not so worried about my performance. the tax implications and other such time constraints may pose an issue. I’ve been trying to keep a really tight calendar. in terms of the taxes, more research needed.

being out of treatment for a few months has had quite the impact- both in good and bad ways. i can’t risk returning to the hospital, especially without insurance, but I’ve been ideating about suicide for a few weeks now. trying to take into consideration that hormonal shifts and the wobbly road to understanding the chemical imbalances in my brain are big issues to tackle. it’s been…. A journey.

i’m not sure about returning to therapy. it’s a space to feel heard, but i feel as though my relationship with my long-standing therapist has become less treatment oriented over time and just a place for me to share the hot goss in my life with some quips about how to handle it. I’ve got a DBT handbook which is not the same as weekly treatment, but i maybe just need a break for now and a chance to utilize my own skills that ive learned over the past 6 years. the drugs (psych meds) were difficult to manage and often led to nasty withdrawals when i couldn’t access them, so I’d like to avoid that.

but the self-initiative route is hard. i know that resources in this area are already hard to come by so it just feels like I’ve been raw dogging reality a little bit.

i’m just exhausted and it feels like there’s no room to come up for air, just more tides to swim through.

At a peaceful night Rin was writing on her personal diary. She had one where she wrote down her daily training, but this one she wrote to get her mind off of things, mostly fun things she can't stop thinking about, such as the one from her first day in Lawain City

Dear diary, It's our first day in this new world and it was awesome! The place seemed almost like an anime, yet it's real and I can see it! There was all these amazing looking people, amazing events and best of all, the food there was just as great as back home! I kind of miss my friends back at home though, but that's understandable, right? At least the people here are nice and willing to help out with moving the furniture and all that stuff. Tomorrow we're going to be checking out our new schools, which sucks but at least we don't get to study for that day just yet, it's just to get to know the place. Looking forward to our first ever concert in Lawain City!

And then there's the time the three had the first concert in Lawain City.

Dear diary, The concert went really well, of course that is to be expected, even though there was one little bump in the road before we were able to start the concert. I thought the drone I found and picked up off the streets was just an ordinary drone. Turns out it was a military drone, so when I was caught using it, I thought I was going to be arrested. Turns out he's a big fan of us so he allowed us to perform without any issue in return of giving him the drone and the remote that I used to control it at the end of the show. Not only that, but turns out that cool heroic looking guy who came to retrieve these things was Miku's classmate and he found that out too after a selfie! I mean it ended up with a happy ending sure, but why did she suddenly expose herself to a friend she just met? Update: This part I'm writing while I'm still awake cause Miku just woke us up with her loud muttering. I bet she said something by accident, again.

And then there were times where she had to vent off a bit, like the day Miku found out about Rin and Len being adopted.

Dear diary, Miku recently found out about our adoption. We wanted to say it earlier but the letter came earlier. She didn't took it kindly as it was clear to see and hear. We were mostly silent throughout the rest of the day. I guess this happening just a few months after the final concert and with her worrying about it all made her feel that way. Honestly, I kind of wish we didn't sign the paper cause I'm feeling terrible for writing it. Len and I didn't want to say much more about it until she was in a better headspace. But I guess tomorrow we'll see, huh?

Some days she didn't write much.

Dear diary, I was having a normal day and then all of a sudden we heard a loud trumpet like shockwave nearby. Turns out Miku's rear did that. How? I don't know. For the rest it was an uneventful day, but I liked that.

Some she wrote a lot. All these days led up to this thing she wrote.

Dear diary, It's not long now till the final concert. And as much as I've wanted to say that I am looking forward to it, looking back at it? I'm kind of nervous-- a little bit scared even. After this concert, what our normal lives were a few years ago would change, not that it hasn't changed already. If anything, I'm scared for that reason. This place-- our friends and now our family has made a huge impact on our life. We've got an older brother and sister now and a very nice mother too. Not only that but Maroon who's our big brother has helped me gain some powers and not just on my end, but also Miku's. I'm not going to lie, I will miss them all a lot if we leave this place forever. But I'm not just worried for myself, but for Miku moreso. She's got a boyfriend now and not only that, but she's been having more fun in this place than I've ever seen her. Maybe it's because this place is more exciting than back home. That's just my wishful thinking. What I think is happening is that she's experiencing things an idol like her could only dream of. After the concert, whether she'll stay here or not is up to her and whether or not the manager is understanding and compliant enough to allow her that. I don't know why, but I feel like the manager letting her off of the agency so easily doesn't seem like something that will happen. Hopefully this will have an happy ending, cause I can't imagine how much pain she would feel if she had to leave this city for good, in a way breaking up with her boyfriend against her will too. I'd feel terrible knowing that Miku will be going through that. She's my biggest idol in the beginning and still is, but she's also our best friend. I'm not necessarily religious or anything, but if I was, I'd pray to any god that we'll all have a happy ending.

Once she was finished writing on her diary, she closed it shut before heading to bed as she looked at the ceiling with a sigh.

"...Let us have this happy ending...Just once."

I understand computer literacy is so relevant for todays kids! and i don't want to sound like a boomer! but tbh i don't think young children should be on the internet, gaming, watching TV. Like i like the 13+ restrictions.

My concern is not about brain rot, more about how prevalent advertising is and how so many types of media are trying desperately to manipulate viewers for money. I know it's still possible to grow up well in spite of that, but I worry.

I also think about how media & games replace real human interaction, how they fail to satisfy in the same way but feel safer. I grew up without TV and I still fall into the trap, again and again, of picking fictional companionship over reality.

Also, I haven't seen a definite impact on muscular development or anything. But a part of me is still really sad when my nieces choose digital gaming again and again instead of physical media. I want to share my love for crocheting, paper crafts, sewing with them. And I'm trying to reassure myself that someday they will come to me wanting to learn, because they do love my gifts, but i guess I'm still worried somehow.

Idk this didn't make a lot of sense just venting

Hey Rosy, I’m feeling like I never have before. Things are going well in my life: bought an apartment with family’s help, got a steady job, a steady relationship of over 5 years now. But I don’t feel that way: I’m stressed because the loan tax is basically the monthly wage of one of us, plus bills there’s basically nothing left. My job has been draining me for months now and I feel like I studied for nothing. And the worst of all, and how I’ve never felt, I’m feeling like I need some sort of space from my partner. I’ve imagined my life next to him, want to marry him and seriously be with him forever. But lately I’m feeling like I need space, and I know it’s because stress is getting to me, to the point where I found myself realizing I can’t imagine a single future for my life anymore, not with him nor without him. This happened only once, but it was enough to freak me out. He’s coping with the same problems as me but in his own way. He’s content with his life, happy at his job, and glad as long as we can pay the bills and I’m by his side. How can I be this ungrateful? As I said, he’s coping too, he’s even offered to change jobs to something that pays more but is by shifts, which obviously impacts his (our) quality of life. I don’t like to feel this way. I’m feeling really selfish. Just a vent.

So lets look at this in a different way.

We could look for ways to make your world work better.

But I think we need to look instead at the stress levels.

I think you need to find ways to lower your anxiety about the future, and perhaps some ways to look at the life that you're already living and find what is good in THAT.

Anxiety about money and bills and work can be very draining.

But the thing is, in most cases, once the bills are taken care of or gotten past, the concern disappears.

In the future, you simply won't care about those bills anymore, because they are temporary problems with simple solutions... even if you struggle to find the solution. Once you do, poof. It's gone out of your mind.

So what is really sinking into you is the anxiety and feeling of idk being trapped?

You mention you need some space. That you're unable to find a vision of the future. That might be because you're so wrapped up in the money worries you aren't actually in THE PRESENT.

I hope this isn't sounding glib, but I think you might want to try some self care, and be with yourself in the moment.

Let me make a list of things you might want to try. Maybe not, but if nothing on the list works for you maybe you'll think about things that would fit better.

Make sure you're sleeping well. Honestly. Sleep cures a lot. Not everything, but it helps.

Freaking hydrate. Sounds stupid. Actually helps.

Some form of meditation and/or spirituality. I personally like yoga because I can't keep my mind still otherwise, but like why not go to church or do a mantra or idk read the bible or the tarot whatever works for you.

Keep a list every day of three things you are grateful for or that bring you joy.

Carve out an hour or two in your day where you get to actually be alone to do what you want to do. For me it might be paint or read or write for someone else perhaps it's watching an old favorite show or gardening or laying in the sun. Again. IDK. Depends on what works for you.

Talk to someone. A psychologist. Your boyfriend. Mom. A friend. Share your problems and feelings. Tell them if you just want someone to listen and be sympathetic or if you're looking for advice.

Dance. Sing. Walk. Run. Take a shower. Do something sensory that takes you out of your mind.

Anyway, I am not sure what the problem that you are having is. It sounds like stress. I get stress. But maybe there's something more. Keep an eye on it, and be aware if you might need more than just a vent.

I know this is a very old complaint with the manga but it still impacts on the manga in recent chapters in my opinion. I should point out this is a vent so i might misremember some things.

I despise how OfA was written for Midoriya after the joint training arc.

I don't like the arc over the lack of 1-B development before it and the fact they are undermind by 1-A by the story constantly (seriously we hear nothing for the rival class for ages) (And monoma is the most developed which is bad since he had basically no development).

But Midoriya getting MULTIPLE QUIRKS ruined it for me.

First of all, there was no build up as All Might never used the other quirks and he nor grand torino made any reference over the previous users being able to harness the other quirks. It literally came out of nowhere and it RUINED the stakes for me.

Midoriya having multiple quirks makes him so overpowered and it felt like such an asspull during the fight (it would have been neat to see midoriya lose). Its hard to care about fights when we know that Midoriya is most likely win and removes the whole collabaritive point the liscencing exam tried pushing.

After that point it became clear Midoriya's the only one to defeat AfO (then Shigaraki) and it pushes a lot of the other characters aside (mainly Class 1-A) and it hard to care about Midoriya when he's been made to this messiah esque character.

It mainly infuriates me as a fanfic writer as the overwhelming power of OfA makes it difficult for there to be stakes. At the beginning the limitations are clear and even if he masters it theres still tension when he fights. After the whole other quirks appeared it makes it hard to write conflict as the many quirks can provide him a massive advantage.

If they wanted a character to wield multiple quirks monoma is right there and has limitations built in! Hell it happens in the battle focusing on Monoma and Midoriya! Midoriya getting seven brand new quirks to explore is annoying when you have an underdeveloped side class and a MIMIC RIGHT THERE. It would be neat to see Midoriya working together with the other classes and them bonding than just focusing on his own quirks.

Midoriya no longer feels like an underdog anymore. And it makes it hard for me to care for him when all that struggle is removed since with seven quirks he's too overwhelming. Sure the solo arc is neat but why does he need 1-A? It would be more impactful if he had no extra quirks since it would reinforce the thing they tried to set ip in the liscensing arc about teamwork.

I get its a shonen and the fighting and powerscaling is a genre thing but its annoying when the manga critises All Might being a symbol of peace due to being seen as overwhelmingly powerful individual making everyone complacent and then make Midoriya follow in his footsteps without any irony. Its hard to see Midoriya as anything other than an All Might replacement in the future which isnt fair to him as he deserves to be his own hero beyond all might.

Sorry if this makes no sense i just really wish OfA wasnt so overpowered middway through. Especially after they tried emphasising teamwork in the liscensing arc.

Longy's back! (Unless there's two of you now)

I've spoken on this subject here. But the gist is that I have no problem with Izuku getting multiple quirks, however, the story needed to space them out throughout the course of the story and show Izuku adapting to each one and learning to use them. However, after the Overhaul arc, Izuku is barely the focus of the story, despite this, essentially being his story. This is a shame because as Izuku got used to his quirks, this time could also be used to show him bonding with the other students as they worry or try to help. (This is especially needed for later in the story.)