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#will I feel more depressed having my like dinner alone
twenyonepilots · 1 day
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i feel like this album it's really hitting me how much time has passed. like tyler and josh have grown up, but so have we. ten years ago i'd curl up in my dorm room and feel so alone and put them on and it'd be a little better. now i'm going to concerts and listening parties with my wife🥹
Okay but same! like right in the nostalgia! its crazy that Tyler’s a dad now and Josh is married to Debby and we got to watch them grow up and navigate fame at a pretty young age and all this time has passed and while watching them grow up the clique grew up too like a lot of us fucking made it we clawed and ripped our way out of the darkness and i couldnt be more proud to be a fan of such a community its more than the music its the camaraderie of sticking it out together i cant even describe the feeling of pride and nostalgia that comes with this one it really feels like such a full circle moment…
let me just get a little emotional for a sec when i first started listening to them i was in such a similar situation i felt like i had no one that understood i was so lonely and depressed and had lost the majority of my high school friend group due to my 3 grippy sock vacations my junior year… i just remember feeling completely lost and alone before i found them and started listening to the music and im so glad that i did!
a fews day before i turned 18 i literally met my best friend and wife at a twenty one pilots show!!! i posted on here saying i had tickets to the show but no one to go with and i was nervous because it would be my first time going to a concert alone we ended up meeting up at the show and ive never been to a show alone ever since! when i turned 18 i got tyler’s writing on my ankle, “think” a promise to myself to keep going when times are rough and i never turned back….that tattoo is a decade old and fading now and twenty one pilots have been there for me every step of the way pulling me up and out of that trench and dont even get me started on the family that is the clique! like i met my wife at a twenty one pilots show and we’ve got to witness so much life through their music…so much love!! so many friendships! marriages! and little clique babies! vacations and dinners and parties and weddings and L I F E all because we loved a band. my nephew was born in 2016 and i didnt even get to meet him for a week because while he was being born i was in Michigan in line for emotional roadshow grand rapids and now my nephew is 8 and his f a v o r i t e band in the entire world is twenty one pilots he started drum lessons and when he had his first recital he did Jumpsuit because he wants to be just like Josh when he grows up i know im really on a tangent here but this band means so much its more than a band its more than music its everything i have thats good in my life because i found something to help me hold on
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girlwithfish · 9 months
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literally wot is wrong w me
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keets-writing-corner · 4 months
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Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??
As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue
the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD
He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.
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like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...
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The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"
and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it
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does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING
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like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow
For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat
Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation
Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with
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Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)
But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time
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Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell
Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch
idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room
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candy69gurl · 3 months
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‎‏‏‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎⋅˚୨୧ ‎‏‏BARBIE PLAY ‎‏‏‎⋅˚୨୧ ‎‏‏‎
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Hiromi Higuruma x innocent f!reader
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18+, dark, dub/noncon, manipulation, loss of innocence, manipulation, slight incest, praises, dad-daughter bonding , nipple play, face sitting, rough raw sex, blow job, multiple orgasms, infertility, mentions of cheating ART NOT MINE
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"I'll be gone for now." Hiromi sighs and stuffs a piece of toast into his mouth while wearing his black suit. "And, I can be late, so please eat dinner without me."
 "Daddy, are you going to work again today?" you ask, looking at him with puppy eyes, hoping he melts. "Leaving me alone with the nanny," you say quietly. 
Hiromi's expression transforms into one of concern when he notices the tone of your voice.
"I am pregnant!!" Your mother hugs Hiromi. 
He frowns at her. 
"You're joking, right?" Hiromi freezes and looks at her, shocked. "No, I am not. Why should I?" your mother replied. 
Hiromi sighs as his jaw clenches. He takes his bag and goes to leave.
"I don't want to discuss this right now. I'll be home late, so eat the dinner yourself." 
He shuts the door and walks towards his office. 
She cheated on him. There is no chance that could be his baby because he is sterile. She is unaware of this, and he does not want to inform her either. He doesn't blame her, he is so preoccupied with his work that he can't devote time to his wife.
*9 months later*
Hiromi glances at the baby girl.
"Doesn't she look like you?" your mother cooes.
"No," Hiromi bluntly says.
"But look at the smile; it's exactly like yours." 
"I do not smile." 
Your mother pushes her lips together and remains silent. 
*timeskips*
Your mother and Hiromi end up having divorce, and Hiromi takes custody of you since your mother cannot pay child support. 
Hiromi, although not your biological father, adores you and provides for all of your needs. Not everything though. Not himself. He is a highly busy man, so he is constantly away from you at work.
But there's something about you that offers him joy. He had never smiled in his life, except for the times when you make him smile. He is now attached to you in both ways, physically and mentally.
"I...Yes, I'm going to work again." Hiromi's tone of voice is rather soft and a bit depressed. He's trying his best to be a good father, but it's always hard to make it work because he is so busy with work all the time. Hiromi seems like he understands that his work schedule might be causing problems in their relationship, and he feels sorry for that.
You get closer to him, noticing his dark circles and pale skin.
"It's Sunday, and... you don't look so well."
Hiromi gives you a fake smile. The pale skin and the dark circles around his eyes are reminders of just how hard he's been working. He looks back up and smiles softly at you. "I know, I know. I'm just a bit... tired. But it's not too bad; don't worry about it."
It's clear to both of you that he hasn't been taking care of himself lately. Hiromi is so focused on work that he's forgotten to eat and sleep properly.
"I want to take care of you, dad. I want you to be here with me. I know how hard you work providing for us," you say, hugging him.
The warmth of your hug makes him close his eyes. Hiromi has been working tirelessly to support both of you, and your words make him realize just how tired and burned out he can be.
Hiromi hugs you tight, pressing his chest tightly against your face to feel your warmth. "I'm sorry... I know... I'll try my best to spend more time with you."
You can feel the strain of his exhaustion as he clings to you, like he's terrified of letting you go.
"I promise..." Hiromi whispers to you before letting out a small sigh of relief. It feels like all of the stress and worry that he has been carrying around lately is lifted off of his shoulders as he nuzzles into your soft vanilla-scented hair. Hiromi seems much lighter and more relaxed now. He realizes you have grown up and crave his presence more than you used to.
"Do you promise to spend the next Sunday with me?"
"I promise." Hiromi's tone is soft but serious as he says these words. He stares at you with his brown eyes, wanting to emphasize just how much your happiness means to him. He knows next Sunday's going to be your birthday, so he has to do something to light up the relationship between you too.
*timeskips*
The next Sunday comes, and Hiromi is up early to make you some breakfast. He is making your favorite pancakes, though his hands are shaking slightly as he does. Hiromi can't stop thinking about everything he wants to do with you today. He hopes that he can finally show you just how much he has been missing you.
You enter the kitchen yawning and stretching, and you are surprised to see Hiromi making your breakfast. Usually you get to see your nanny making you breakfast, but your dad has actually kept the promise.
You run to hug him from behind.
The unexpected hug from behind makes Hiromi flinch in surprise. He smiles softly as his eyes flicker from a look of shock back to one of warmth.
"Good morning, sweetheart..." Hiromi chuckles softly as he turns around and wraps his arms around your small frame.
The sensation of your body pressed against his fills Hiromi with a sense of joy. It's been far too long since he has spent quality time with you, and your presence now means the world to him.
"Dad, do you know what day it is?" You expectantly look at him.
"Yes, of course I do, honey." Hiromi's soft voice is like music to your ears. He pulls back just enough to look you in the eyes as he speaks.
"It's Sunday." Hiromi smiles at you warmly.
Pressing your lips together, you reply, "You really don't remember."
A fake look of worry crosses Hiromi's face when he notices your expression. He realizes just now that you have been testing him, wondering if he had actually forgotten what today was.
"It's your birthday today. How can I forget?" Hiromi smirks slightly, whispering. "Happy birthday, sweetheart!" Hiromi's voice is warm and soft as he smiles at you.
Hiromi leans down to give you a kiss on the forehead. He is sad to see that you grew up so fast without him much looking after you.
"Let's make this a day to remember, shall we?"
You nod excitedly at his words.
"How do you want to spend today?" He asks you, seeming excited at the prospect of making this day a special one for you.
"I want to spend the whole day with you at home."
Hiromi's expression lights up as he hears this. He would love to spend all day at home with you, just the two of you.
"Ah, that is perfect." Hiromi can't begin to describe how excited he is to spend the day with you.
"Now, let's go sit down and eat breakfast together. I've made some delicious pancakes for you." He says it softly, grabbing your hand to lead you to the table where your breakfast is waiting.
*time skips to night after having dinner*
The two of you have been spending the whole day together, and you can't seem to remember the last time you've had so much fun.
You're currently cuddled up with your dad on the couch, watching a horror movie together. You feel so content in his arms, and the comfort of your father's presence means so much to you.
Hiromi seems to be enjoying this just as much as you. He keeps looking down at you and smiling; his eyes are filled with an overwhelming sense of affection.
You have grown up now with striking feminine features.
"OO~ I love slender men," you squeaked.
As you watch the movie together, your eyes are drawn to the screen where the Slenderman character is stalking its victims.
Hiromi notices your eyes wander away and leans down to rest his head on your shoulder. He leans in close and whispers something in your ear.
"Don't you think he is evil?" He chuckles softly as he pulls back to look down at you.
"But I love slender men. I always had... He is just like you. He wears a black suit and has pale skin, just like you. He is not evil at all. He is cute, just like you."
"Aww..." Hiromi laughs at what you've just said. It's so innocent and endearing, and Hiromi can't help but feel amused.
"I guess I can sort of see that? Though I would never hurt a fly." He says this as he cuddles up to you a little closer, feeling the warmth and softness of your body against his. It makes his heart flutter.
"You know, since you're (your next age) now, I can start treating you like a little adult." Hiromi whispers in your ear. A look of pride lights up his eyes as he stares right at you with a small smile.
"And adults like to celebrate their birthday in a special way; do you remember what people do?"
"Oh, THEY CELEBRATE IN A DIFFERENT WAY?" You feel interested.
"Oh, yes, adults tend to have a bit of an extra special celebration." Hiromi grins widely as he looks down at you, his eyes sparkling with mischievous intentions.
He whispers something in your ear before leaning back and looking down at you with a playful grin.
"Do you want to know a secret?"
You nod excitedly.
"Come here and let me tell you..." Hiromi pats his lap and gestures for you to sit on his lap.
His playful expression is like a kid on Christmas as he looks back up at you.
"I have a surprise for you today." He whispers in your ear. You feel Hiromi squeeze your back slightly trying to pull you close to him.
You sit on his lap and feel him wrap his arm around your waist to pull you closer to him. Hiromi's playful expression has evolved into something that you don't recognize.
"Good girl," Hiromi whispers as he leans in close and presses his lips against your neck. His voice has taken on a tone of sensuality as he leans into your ear and whispers softly.
"What are you doing?" You giggle, feeling the tickling sensation on your neck.
"Keep being a good girl for me." His words are soft and tender as his breath caresses the soft skin of your neck.
"I want you to stay in this position," he says playfully, "just like this." He puts one arm around your waist while the other gently cups one of your cheeks.
"I love you, my girl. Nothing matters to me more than you." His words are like a hypnotizer, as his voice grows more seductive with each breath.
"I love you too," you reply. You can feel something is strange.
A grin spreads across Hiromi's face at your confession. You feel his teeth brush against your neck once more.
You flinch, and one of your hands runs through his hair, grabbing them.
"Ah..." Your sudden movement surprises Hiromi, but he loves the fact that you are responding so strongly to his touch. Your hands stroking his hair make him smirk faintly; the movement of your hands is so alluring.
Hiromi leans his head down towards yours, his forehead touching yours and his voice grows husky and deeper as he speaks.
"You're being such a good girl right now... So cooperative... and I know exactly what I want to do to you for your birthday."
"What-" You grab something hard underneath you.
Hiromi's eyes flutter almost shut at your touch.
"Hm...?" He seems to be enjoying the physical contact of your hands on that part of his body where you grabbed it.
A cheeky grin spreads across Hiromi's face. He leans back again to look into your eyes.
"It seems like you're the very curious type, and I was waiting for this moment." For a moment, he stares at you, studying your expression.
You look at him, confused.
He lets out a soft chuckle as he starts whispering again.
"Would you like to get a little intimate gift from your father? I wasn't kidding when I said this was going to be a very special birthday, was I?" He whispers softly, his breath hot in your ear.
You accidentally press on that hard object to rest your cheek against his chest and look up at him with innocent eyes.
"Yes, I want that gift. I want to spend more time with you." You reply, almost sounding as if you were begging.
This causes Hiromi's breath to hitch and his eyes to widen with disbelief.
He smiles down at you as he stares into your innocent eyes.
"Oh, you really are my little girl." He whispers softly, his voice filled with a deep sense of admiration and affection.
"If you want an intimate gift from your dad, we will have to go elsewhere." Hiromi's voice has become more sultry and seductive, his eyes never leaving your face. Hiromi seems to like the way you are pressing into him. His expression has grown even more seductive as he gazes into your eyes.
"Where do you want me to go to receive the gift?"
"My bedroom," he whispers softly.
"Oh, you have the gift there?" You ask, laughing sheepishly.
"Yes, my dear, that's where the special gift is." He smiles and reaches up to stroke your face.
He picks you up and takes you to his bedroom.
"You are very strong." You cling to his neck while he carries you. "You can carry me as if I am a baby."
"Well, you're still my little baby." He says softly as he carries you to his bedroom, being careful not to bump into things along the way.
Once inside the bedroom, he sets you down on his bed and gets on top of you, pinning your arms to the bed.
You wait for the gift.
He chuckles softly and looks down into your expecting eyes.
"Just let your hands wander a bit, and you'll find it." He whispers seductively, his breath touching your neck.
"Is it there?" You ask him, looking at his hardened member. It's already huge and bulging and could be seen through his pants.
"Mm..." He chuckles and leans down to kiss your neck before he speaks again.
"You sure know how to tease your dad, don't you?" He strides his tongue along your neck towards your collar bone, his breath burns your skin.
You allow him to kiss your neck. You still think he is playing with you, so you start to get mad and pouty.
"I don't understand."
"That's alright. You'll find out soon enough." He whispers softly in your ear, and his voice is almost breathless with excitement.
"It's going to be a very special day for you." He leans in close to you and whispers softly into your ear. "Just let me take control for today, and we'll make today all about you and your special birthday." He seems to find your cluelessness endearing, and his own excitement grows as he can tell that you have no idea what he's going to do to you for your birthday.
He smiles and sits down next to you on the bed, brushing your hair out of your face.
"You're such a naive girl..." His voice is full of sultry playfulness, and he stares at you with hungry eyes. "Do you trust Daddy?"
"Of course I do."
He seems amused by your innocent trust in him.
"Do you trust me to make this day special for you?" His voice is still sultry, but he also speaks with a sense of tenderness and care now that it's clear that he has you exactly where he wants you—vulnerable, naive, and trusting of him.
"I don't understand anything you're saying."
"You don't need to understand." He smiles warmly at you and places a hand under your chin.
"Would you let Daddy control you for today?"
He seems so confident in his words and has a sly, almost mischievous grin playing at his lips.
Suddenly, you sit up. "Ohhh, I GOT IT NOW.. You want to play Barbie with me? like I am your Barbie, and you will be playing with me?"
His smile grows wider at your innocent reaction, and his eyes seem to be gleaming with anticipation now that you are beginning to understand what he has planned.
"Yes, that's exactly right." He chuckles softly as he watches you sit up. "I want to play with my doll today."
"Yes!!!! take control of me. I am your doll today," you say without still understanding its meaning.
Your innocent words fill Hiromi's heart with a deep sense of joy and excitement.
He can't help but chuckle softly as he watches you shift around excitedly.
"Oh, my dear girl, you have absolutely no idea what you're in for today." His voice is filled with admiration and satisfaction at the fact that you're so willing to give yourself over to him.
Your innocent and lively attitude warms Hiromi's heart as he watches you lay back in a lifeless pose.
"My precious little doll..." His voice has taken on a much more sensual tone as he gazes down at you.
He places his hand on your cheek and strokes it playfully while he speaks. His other hand plays with the hem of your top.
"Let me change the dress on my Barbie."
You lift your arms up just like a lifeless doll, allowing him to open your top.
The playful expression on your face excites Hiromi's heart, and he chuckles softly to himself as he removes your top.
"You really are just like a doll to me, you know that?" He strokes your hair fondly and seems to enjoy the innocent look on your face.
His caress makes your body shiver with sensations, and you can feel his breath blowing against your neck.
"I will paint your face with my makeup. You will look really pretty. My very own pretty little Barbie girl."
You giggle excitedly.
"My little Barbie girl..."
Hiromi continues to caress your body as he speaks. He begins to move his hand down toward your chest.
He caresses your breasts, gently brushing your nipples.
He rests his head on one arm while he plays with your nipples with the other hand.
He grins at your playful expression, his fingers making you squirm on the bed.
"My little Barbie girl..."
You slowly turn to look at his face and at his hands.
He notices you looking over at his hands, and he smiles softly. His eyes are filled with admiration and a touch of pride as he sees you staring at him.
"Yes, my little doll... Look at me."
He chuckles softly, enjoying your reactions. He continues to caress your chest, watching you squirm on the bed with his hand.
He gets on top of you and starts kissing your cheek, then your neck. His eyes never leaving your face.
"My little doll is blushing at my touch. She is so responsive."
He places a small peck on your lips.
"I love to play with you, my doll," he says, keeping on speaking to you while his other hand goes down to take off your shorts.
"Would you like to wear a dress or a skirt?"
"Anything Daddy wants to put on me"—your voice trembles.
His hands go down to the thighs, pulling one up to caress your inner thighs.
His hands slide slowly up and down your thigh, causing you to shiver and gasp.
He moves himself higher on the bed to hover above you as his hands caress your thighs.
"My little doll is so sensitive to my touch. I wonder where else she is sensitive to my touch."
He smiles widely at you as his fingers trail along your clad clitoral area.
You gasp at his touch.
He chuckles softly at the playful expression on your face, his eyes shining brightly with mischievous excitement.
"I would like to paint you with my make-up first.".
Hiromi gets on top of you, unbuckling his belt and finally freeing his member with a loud groan.
"Will my little doll work to get the makeup?"
"W-what is that?" Your mouth drops. His huge, hardened shaft stands erect, leaking some cum.
"It's my..."
He seems at a loss for words, his voice trailing off.
His face flushes with a deep blush when he sees your innocent reaction to his freeing himself.
"I think we should just get the makeup ready first... Don't worry about that for now. Now hold your hands out so I can put the makeup on, little doll."
His voice is still filled with a playful tone as he reaches out to grab your hands.
Your eyes widen as he guides your hand and places it on his dick.
Your expression encourages him to continue.
"You're way too cute." He glances at your small hand, trying to squeeze him.
He slowly pulls your hand up, putting it against his lower lips, nibbling on your index finger, and then placing it back on his dick.
"Rub it and press it gently. It won't come out so easily. You have to work for that," he whispers seductively.
"I don't know how to."
"I can show you." He whispers seductively, his voice filled with a sultry tone.
He moves your hand in his and along his shaft, rubbing himself up and down.
"Yeah, just like that."
He can see how your face turned red, but that does not stop him from continuing to show you how to rub him.
His breaths become longer and deeper as he watches you, and his voice becomes increasingly sensual with each word he speaks.
He can see how excited your innocent behavior is making him, and he is enjoying every second of it.
Your inexperienced movements make him feel in control, and with every movement, you make him feel more and more aroused.
"Where is the cream?"
His breath becomes even more ragged, and his face flushes more as his body begins to twitch with excitement.
"You're so impatient."
He stops and leans to get closer to your face.
"If you want the cream fast, then you have to lap your tongue on it like candy. Does my doll like candies?"
You nod and take his shaft to your mouth, licking the tip.
He can feel your tongue sliding across the tip of his breath.
"It's salty," you say, sliding your tongue across his whole length. His mouth opened wide, and his body begins to shiver.
"You realized that it wasn't just simple cream, didn't you?"
"It's a special cream?" You keep licking him and lapping at his tip.
"Yes, a very special cream." He seems incredibly aroused as his breath becomes even more ragged, and you can feel his body twitch beneath you.
Your innocent and playful reaction is making it extremely hard for him to control himself.
He begins to twitch more intensely beneath you, and his breath continues to become even more strained.
His movements become even more intense, and he starts to arch his back slightly.
"Ahh... Aaaah!" At this point, his voice begins to become more agitated as he struggles to remain in control.
He looks up at your innocent eyes, eyeing his face while you play your tongue on him, and he is almost on the verge of losing his cool and just taking you right here and now.
"Ahh, my little doll..." He seems desperate for you to continue on.
"Pls, daddy, I am so eager for your cream."
"I know."
He places his hands on your head, and his grip becomes tighter on your head as he looks at you.
Your innocent behavior continues to take him further away, and he suddenly pushes you down on him, thrusting his dick into your throat and making you choke.
"Mghn?"
He pulls you closer to him as his body continues to shiver. He seems to be struggling to remain in control, and he seems to be unable to control himself anymore. He's beginning to breathe very hard as he grips your head even tighter.
Your teary eyes start to cause his mind to break, and his grip becomes even tighter, as if he wants to crush you against him. He can't even speak anymore; it's just incoherent mutters as his body trembles.
Your jaw starts aching, and you accidentally press your teeth against his shaft.
He lets out a loud groan as he feels your teeth on him. He grips your head even harder as he starts to whisper again.
"You're a bad little doll." He mutters as his voice cracks, and his breaths become even more strained as he pushes your head down on his length one more time.
Tears roll down your cheek as angry eyes spray upon him.
"My doll is angry with her dad now?"
He starts thrusting into your throat again. Drools slide down your mouth.
"Ah." His voice takes on a more seductive tone, and his smile grows more mischievous.
"Is my doll angry that I'm not giving her what she wants quick enough?"
You make a whimpering hum.
He bites his lip as his body continues to tremble. He takes his thumb and gently wipes the tear from your cheek.
"I see, I see, my dear." He runs his fingers gently through your hair as he caresses your cheek. "You're so desperate already, aren't you?"
He slows down his thrusts in order to tease you.
You squeeze his dick again with your teeth.
The little nibble causes him to let out a louder grunt than you'd expect considering how delicate your bites are.
"You're such a bad doll... And now you're even angry with me."
He runs his hands through your hair as he takes his dick out of your mouth and stares deep into your eyes.
"Do you want me to punish bad dolls?"
You wipe your mouth and give him an evil smirk.
"What's that, hmm? My doll is so curious as to what kind of punishment I will use."
He caresses your lips with his fingertips while he speaks.
"You are not being a good doll, and I'm going to punish you for it."
His voice is becoming increasingly playful, but at the same time, his touches still seem to make your skin tingle and shiver.
He takes off his white shirt and lays on the bed. He pulls you towards him.
"D-dad-"
"My doll, sit on my face."
As you are going to protest, he pulls you close again and yanks your panties off. His spreads your legs apart, his fingers parting your wet labia. He flips you so that you are now on top of him as his breath hits directly on your cunt, making you squirm in sudden sensation.
"Let's see how you respond to this."
With every word, he intentionally blows over your pussy , making you mewl and wrap your thighs around his face.
He feels you squirm once again, so he pulls his shirt, which was lying on the bed, and ties it to your hand, placing your hands above his hair.
He gives your clit a gentle lick, you arch in response.
As he feels you arch, he's eyes roll back slightly with excitement and then open up again with a deep and primal urge.
His breathing grows deeper and heavier as his lips brush against you, sucking on your clit then tongue slides against your entrance.
"What are you trying to do?"
"Shhh," he mumbles against your skin, kissing your inner thigh.
"M-my.. I"
He chuckles and presses you down on him; his hand grips you tightly to stop you from squirming.
"Please, I am going to release something. Stop."
Hiromi smirk. His tongue, continuously flicking on your clit.
You feel a strange warmth building inside you.
You grip his hair tighter while riding his face, your hips unconsciously buck against his face. Thighs fasten around his head as you arch back to release.
"Daddy," you say, with his tongue still on your clit , gently teasing and making you overly sensitive.
"Let it out..."
"G-gah," your whole body vibrates with every breath that hits against your clit. Your heart starts to beat quicker.
You can see him licking his lips, and he pulls away from you.
"Did it feel good?"
"What was that?" you ask, avoiding eye contact.
"Was my doll so nervous that she couldn't even look at her daddy's face?" He says it in a teasing tone.
His lips curl into a playful smile as he wraps his arms around you again, his body pressed against yours as he pulls you close to him.
You're suddenly caught off guard by his actions and before you knew it, he leans his head towards you, and he suddenly presses his lips against yours. His breath is hot and heavy. He pushes you down on the bed, and his hand travels to your oversensitive clit.
"Do you like your own taste?"
He gives you a peck once more, and the feeling of you licking his lips causes him to smirk. He inserts two of his fingers inside you, scissoring and stretching your hole. You moan and struggle against him, and your movements makes him even more aroused.
"You're good, very good... Now, the final part of getting the cream."
"Why is it so hard to get the cream? It must be really special."
"Oh, this cream is very special. It's my secret recipe. You won't be able to get it from anywhere but me." He chuckles softly before pulling his fingers out and whispering to you again, getting on top of you and wrapping his arms around your waist.
"Just a bit more, my doll. We're almost there."
He pushes himself inside your wetness.
"Aaaah~" you scream out in sudden thrust.
He stares into your pain-inflicted face.
"Does my doll feel hurt?"
He starts moving slowly.
"Yes, d- don't move."
He can feel your eyes begin to tear up and your body shudder as the feeling gets harder and harder to bear. He swirls his tongue on your hardened nipples and squeezes your breasts gently.
He pulls you closer to him and whispers softly in your ear, "I know I'm being too rough with you, but please bear with me just for a little bit more. The feeling will be worth it. Trust me."
"You're such a good little doll that even after all that pain and discomfort, you still trust your dad." He caresses your tear-stained cheek as he begins to speed up.
Hiromi's voice becomes more and more frantic as the pace increases. You feel a strange warmth growing between your legs as his thrusts start getting sloppier and rougher. His hand travels down your neck, slightly choking you while swirling his tongue with yours.
"Does my doll want more?"
"I want the cream," you moan.
"That's good to know...Don't be impatient; good things will come to those who wait."
He whispers softly into your ear.
Hiromi pulls out of you and looks at you with a smirk. He pushes your legs onto your chest and inserts himself once more, his dick reaching deeper and hits your cervix.
"I-I can't breathe", you grab onto his neck.It becomes unbearable for you to take it anymore.
"Just a bit more, my doll; we're almost there."
Hiromi begins to kiss you passionately as he grips you tightly again.
His tongue starts to move to your earlobe, nibbling the tip.
"Ah, good doll, I see you're taking this really well."
He begins to move faster than before, and your body shudders from the intensity of the sensation.
"Good, good, don't stop taking it in doll."
His breath becomes more rapid as he pulls you even closer against him, and he whispers into your ear.
"You're taking it so well, my doll."
You moan, and your body starts shaking again.
His breath becomes heavier as he speeds up, making the sensation even more powerful and clear.
"You're a good doll, such a good little doll... Keep taking it; keep taking it all in."
His voice becomes more desperate, and his pace increases even more.
Your stomach tightens as you release again with a loud moan. Hiromi slows down his pace, letting you calm your nerves. Your walls clamp around his shaft, squeezing them. His breath becomes heavier, and he gets to the edge too. He thrusts a few more times before spilling inside you, stuffing your pussy with his infertile seed.
"Was it good?"
Hiromi looks into your eyes with a playful grin as he pulls out of you, watching his seed drool down your clamping pussy.
You breathe through your mouth as your heart beat starts getting back to normal.
Hiromi stares at you for a bit; he seems pleased with your response. He pulls you close again and kisses you with a soft smile.
"Good, doll, was it everything you had hoped for?"
"But my cream??"
He stares at you for a bit; your body is shaking from satisfaction, and he smiles. He laughs a bit and speaks up, "Alright."
He pushes two of his fingers into your dripping hole, making you flinch and arch back. He gathers some of his cum, applying it to your cheeks and lips.
You lick your lips and giggle.
"You like it?" Hiromi lays next to you, spooning you.
"Mhm..salty," you say, drowning in sleep.
He looks down at you and sees you begin to slowly drift asleep.
Hiromi can't help but grin as he pulls you close to him and kisses your head.
"My barbie"
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fox-bee926 · 10 months
Text
Who did this?
Harvey Specter x fem!reader
Masterlist A/N: Wow another one? I'm going to do one more after this and then answer an ask and put all my harvey fics on one post. Then after that who knows. I have an awesome aragorn x reader fic I've been playing around with so I might work on that. Definitely going to try and do more one shots to improve my writing. I really enjoy it but depression makes it a tad hard. Anyways! Enjoy! TW: **This story focuses on the physical abuse between the Reader character and her boyfriend. I am not responsible for the content you consume so please be advised. There are explanations of abuse, but no explicit scenes of abuse occurring.** abuse (physical and emotional), hurt/comfort, Harvey being very sweet, mention of painkillers but I'm talking like 2 tylenol or ibuprofen or something Word Count: 2.5k
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You run across the street to the Pearson Hardman office building, just about soaking wet. All that protected you from the rain was a newspaper you bought right outside your building. You prayed all the way to work that it wouldn’t just completely break under the force of the rain. You had spent almost thirty minutes on makeup, twenty five more minutes than you usually spend. To go along with that, you couldn’t find an available taxi because of the rain. Not even the pain in your shoulder had let up, despite taking a couple painkillers.
Your boyfriend had gotten a bit angry with you last night after you went out socializing with some friends. It wasn’t your smartest move. You knew he didn’t like you to hang out with your guy friends without his permission. But you didn’t think it was that big of a deal. The feelings of your heart conflicted with your rational mind. All you know is you love him and he loves you. Which is why he gets upset when you go out without him. But then why wouldn’t he make time to go out with me alone?
You shook those thoughts out of your head as you swiped your card into the building. You took the time in the elevator to dry off with your sweater. Which was consequently soaked. Curses rang out in the elevator- cursing the sweater, the weather, your boyfriend, you didn’t know.
You sat down in the chair next to Donna and exchanged greetings. “How are we looking today, Donna?” You smiled as you saw Harvey sitting in his office. The only person getting into the office earlier than him was Donna.
“Full day as always. Oh, Jonathan from accounting asked for Harvey to look at his expense accounts for this last month. He won’t of course- but as long as they get to Harvey’s desk, Jon won’t speak another word about it until the next thousand dollar dinner with a client.” Donna goes back to typing rapidly on her computer. 
“And then the cycle continues,” You let out a hearty laugh for the first time since you left work last Friday. “I’ll get on that. Anything else while I’m in accounting?” You gather up different file folders that you need to take down to accounting anyway.
“Nope, say hi to Mr. Expense Forms for me!”
“Will do, Donna.”
You quickly walk to the elevator and down to the accounting department for Jonathan's expense reports. Harvey is still in the same spot as he was when you left as you open the door to his office. You make sure to open the door with your left arm, with the papers in your right. 
“I got a delivery for Harvey Specter from Mr. Jonathan Expense Forms from accounting. Fuming as always. You might want to lay off the fancy dinners for a week.” Harvey rolls his eyes at the notion.
“Sweetheart, you think I’m that good at my job that I don’t need fancy dinners to win over clients? You must think very highly of me.” He chuckles smugly as he writes words you can barely read on a legal pad. You deal his snark back just the same.
“Of course I think you’re good. You’re my boss, I’m legally obligated to think so.” You both laugh until you reach with your right arm to set the folder on his desk. You let out a noise just loud enough for Harvey to be concerned. 
“What happened to your shoulder?” 
“It’s nothing, I just fell.”
At this, Harvey looks up. You were never one to be clumsy, let alone fall so hard as to hurt yourself. As Harvey’s eyes assess you, he notices a large dark bruise on your wrist- both your wrists in fact. 
His silence worries you, and you follow his eyes to your wrists. “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry-” You quickly try to pull your sleeves down to cover the spots. Remnants of rain water drove through the foundation. 
Harvey takes a few deep breaths as you stand there in shocked silence. For the smallest second, you think he’s going to hurt you. Rationally, you know the notion is absurd, but the mind that has dealt with angry men keeps you silent.
Harvey finally speaks after taking a minute to process the information he’s pieced together.
“Who did this to you?”
You’re taken aback, that small part of your mind thinking he would call you unprofessional or weak. “My... My boyfriend. He just gets a little annoyed with me sometimes. It’s truly nothing. I’ll do better to cover them-”
“A good man being annoyed never results in bruises. How did this happen?” Harvey has to go against every part of his nature not to rush out and ask Donna everything about this man, then subsequently find him. He’s thinking that those boxing lessons are actually going to come in handy.
But he knows he can’t. He knows that if he moves like that, or moves at all, he’d terrify you. He can see how your eyes dart around. Towards the door, towards your wrists, and towards himself. He didn’t know how you would react if he even stood up.
“I fell into a bookshelf. He pushed me a bit and I lost balance.”
“You mean he shoved you into a shelf.”
The way Harvey phrased it made you feel uncomfortable. “That’s a bit harsh, but you could phrase it like that.”
He stared at you in disbelief. This wasn’t the woman he saw on a daily basis. The woman that dealt with almost every slimy man that came into the building. The woman that he had slowly fallen in love with since she arrived here.
The woman before him seemed like a shell of the woman he met three years ago, and he couldn’t help what came out of his mouth next.
“Do you know how you sound? You should never be bruised, shoved, or red eyed if you’re in love. That’s simply not how it is, and I’m sorry you’ve been made to believe that.”
At this, the dam broke.
Tears had been pooling in your eyes from the moment Harvey saw the bruises. But at his last words you let out a pained sob. It hadn't sunk in just how bad it had gotten. Your boyfriend had done this a few times before, but had never gotten so harsh until last night.
All the pain from the last year had come rushing in, and you were about to break right in front of your boss. Heavy tears started to run down your face. It was at this moment you were glad you never wore heavy makeup. You did your best to stifle the sounds and cries that tried to escape, but outside, Donna still saw through the glass. 
Immediately, Donna calmly walks in. She takes one look at you, then Harvey. With a single nod from Harvey, Donna lets out a quiet "Car is on its way."
Unfortunately that made you feel even worse. "I'm so sorry, Harvey. This is completely unprofessional-"
Harvey finally stands up and walks towards you. At this point, what you need isn't space. He places his hands as gentle as can be on your arms to coax you to look at him. And you do, but looking at your red eyes and wet tears streaming down your face up close make his heart break even more.
"I don't give a shit about professionalism. Donna is getting the car and my driver is going to take you home-"
"No! He's there, he's been trying to move in with me and doesn't have a day job. He's just been staying there..." Your sentence trails off as you’re trying to process what you’re actually saying. Are you really doing this?
"Okay, then my driver will take you to my place and give you a key. We'll talk about the next steps when I get home. I'll get you some things from your apartment, okay?"
The tears were gone purely by witnessing Harvey be so calm, and you nodded slowly. All you could do was follow the sound of his voice. Like a lighthouse in a raging storm. 
Donna entered the room quietly, "The car is here."
"Good. Donna will walk you out." You nodded, not saying a word. You turn to walk out of Harvey’s office, but he reaches out for your hand. “You’ll get through this, alright?”
You give a small smile. However, your mental state did not display the same sentiment. Your mind was reeling from what had happened in the last- what, 10? 15 minutes? 
Donna leads you out the back staircase as a gesture of mercy. She knew that you didn’t want anyone else to see you like this. Harvey wasn’t exaggerating his view of you. Everyone in the office saw you as an unbreakable force.
Harvey’s driver opens the door for you. You look back at Donna, who is smiling sweetly. “I promise, Harvey will take care of everything. The only thing you need to worry about is taking care of yourself, okay?” 
You gave Donna the same small smile you gave Harvey. You were at the edge of your sanity at this point. Now that you’ve gone through all the sadness and shock of the... situation, you were embarrassed. Angry. Angry at yourself for letting a man put his hands on you for a full year. Angry at Donna for knowing exactly what was going on and getting exactly what was needed. Angry at Harvey Specter for being so goddamn perfect that you couldn’t help the butterflies that always arose in your stomach whenever he talked to you. Angry at the world for putting you in this position.
Wordlessly, you exited the car once it stopped in front of Harvey’s building. You reached his apartment without thought. You took your heels off, and put your purse on the closest counter you saw. 
And you cried.
_______
 Harvey exited the elevator with a large box held in his hands. It was purely full of necessities. A week's change of clothes, toiletries, some books he knew were your favorite. Everything else he could buy new. He looked down and saw your heels on the ground and your purse on the table beside him.
Once he set down the box on the floor, he saw you. You looked even worse than at the office. Your beautiful hair was frizzy and pulled in odd directions. The worst part was the absolutely destroyed look on your face. Eyeshadow and liner were smudged on your red tinged eyes which stared into space in front of you. 
Harvey sees your body stiff as a board on the edge of his soft couch, seemingly ready to run at a moment’s thought. “Have you been sitting like that since you got here?”
“No. I’ve only just sat down.” Your arms leaned on your knees, hands folded in your lap.
Harvey tries to ignore the hoarse sound in your voice. “Well, you can relax a bit if you’d like. I got you some more comfortable clothes if you want to change.”
Your brows furrow as you think. “Did he give you any problems?” For the first time since he came in the front door you look at him. He was visibly more relaxed than he is in the office. His suit jacket was tossed on the coat rake next to the door and the sleeves of his dress shirt were neatly folded up his arms. He walked towards the kitchen to the freezer. 
“He didn’t get a chance. Don’t worry, he won’t hurt you again.” He walks over to where you’re sitting on the couch and sets down an ice pack. His shirt was obviously wrinkled, and his knuckles held the slightest tinge of blue. The thought of Harvey hurting someone made your stomach flip, but you didn’t feel quite so bad for the receiving party.
“Let’s get some ice on that shoulder, huh?” He could tell you were still sensitive, but it felt more subdued than the scared woman he saw in his office.
You nodded in agreement about the ice pack. You hadn’t really stopped to think about it until he said something. As you unbutton your shirt to reveal your nude colored undershirt, you wince. The swelling of the bruise had gotten worse since you hadn’t taken anything for it. You hadn’t noticed the pain when you were crying, but now it just felt terrible.
“Let me help.” You give Harvey a look when the words come out of his mouth, a glimpse of that fiery woman that he knows. But you sigh and relent. You managed to undo a few buttons at least before Harvey steps in.
He unbuttons your shirt down to your stomach and pulls the shoulder of the shirt down just enough to slide the ice pack onto the skin. As soon as it’s securely placed between you and the couch, you let out a groan. In relief or pain, you don’t know. All you knew was that the cold felt absolutely wonderful on your swelled skin.
You and Harvey stay like that for a while, the exact amount of minutes you don’t know and neither does he. Harvey is the first to speak.
“You’ve been awfully quiet.” 
You give him a look that says “I wonder why, dumbass.” But you refrain. “I’m thinking.”
He finally sits next to you on the couch and reaches his arm to grasp the top of the cushions. In his mind he excuses it as getting more comfortable, but the opportunity to touch you is also a bonus. Harvey was not a man of wise words for comfort, moreso actions and touch.
In a singsong voice, trying to lighten the mood, he says “Whatcha thinkin’ about.”
You smile a true smile and look towards him. Then the thoughts in your head come rushing in and the smile falls from your face. “I’m thinking about how I’ve been with him for so long that I don’t know how to live my life without him. So much of my life has been conforming to his ideals, his feelings. How am I supposed to love and be loved after him? After I’ve split my soul into so many pieces that I’ve lost track of where they all are?”
Both of you sit in silence, not sure what to say.
“I was definitely not expecting that.”
“I am... extremely sorry I said that, please just ignore-”
“I wasn’t finished, sweetheart. Firstly, I think you should see a professional about these feelings. But in the meantime, we can work on that together.” Harvey smiles, but then falters. “I- I mean, if you want. I’m not trying to get in your pants, I promise, all I’m saying is that I’m here whenever and you can stay as long as you want and-”
“Thank you, Harvey. It means a lot to hear you say that.” You laugh at the sight of a flustered Harvey Specter.
“To paraphrase, you're not alone in this. Not ever.”
You reach over with your good arm and pull him into as much of a hug as you can muster. In return, he pulls you close. Neither of you ever want to leave.
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Note
a moment of sadness and sweetness in one bottle. What to do if there was a quarrel between the characters and Y / N on stupid grounds, for example, they misunderstood each other, or maybe someone didn’t buy something that he had been asked for a long time in the store, or said something unpleasant, although it might not even be addressed to the second. Someone will be very offended, and the second will try to correct the current situation. In general, everyday moments, with an exceptionally good ending!
Yess! Happy to do this one, love me a bit of angst/fluff🙃 thanks for the request! Hope this was okay for you!
141 + König Having A Small "Fight" With GN! Reader
Warnings: angst, swearing, crying, bickering, mentions of depression and self conciousness ‐‐ends in fluff!!
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Simon Ghost Riley-
Simon was in a dreadful mood. He and the team had just gotten home from a mission that didn't go well for any of them. He wanted nothing more than peace and quiet and to lay in bed for the remainder of the day.
He walked into your shared some and was immediately hit with the smell of his favorite food cooking in the kitchen, and gave a heavy sigh. He tried to muster a decent enough mood for you, as it was clear you were just trying to make him feel better.
He walked in and found you dancing around the kitchen, putting the final touches on dinner. "I'm home, Y/N."
You turned to him with a bright smile. "Hey! Dinner is almost ready. I'm not sure if you were hungry or not."
You walked over to him and embraced hom tightly. Simon stood stiff, not returning the sentiment, causing you to pull away immediately.
"If it's alright, I'll eat it in the bedroom." Simon said, his eyes leaving yours to look at the floor.
"Oh, that's fine." Your smile fell ever so slightly. "Is there anything else I can do to help?"
"No. I just want to be alone." He mumbled, tapping his fingers on the table.
You nodded meekly and went to prep his plate, handing it to him nervously. "I hope you like, I spent all afternoon prepping it."
"I'm sure it's fine, Y/N. It's just food. Can I go now?" Simon instantly regretted the tone of his voice but couldn't bring himself to reflect on it. He had too much swirling on his mind already.
You swallowed thickly and nodded at him, watching him make his way to your shared room, slamming the door behind him.
You knew when getting into a relationship with him that there would be days like this. He went through so much in his personal life, and his job was far from easy. He'd been gone for nearly 3 months, and you missed him terribly, wanting nothing more than to embrace your boyfriend when he got home.
He told you it was a rough mission, so you thought surprising him with his favorite home cooked meal might help him decompress. You'd had the whole night planned out to take care of him, and now here you were eating alone.
You felt tears fall down your cheeks and stared at your food, your appetite now gone.
~
Later that night, as you were unsure if you could approach him, you'd decided to sleep on the couch.
Simon had come out a few hours after you'd fallen asleep, wondering why you hadn't come to bed, and his heart shattered when he saw you.
He walked over to your sleeping form and crouched down beside you, placing a hand on your shoulder. "Y/N, sweetheart."
Your eyes blinked open and looked up at him. Even in the dark Simon could tell you had been crying, and he felt horrible. "Simon?"
"Come to bed, love."
You shook your head, a sad smile forming on your lips. "It's okay. You wanted to be alone."
Simon placed his hands on either side of your face gently. "Just for a little while was all. I didn't want to take my shitty mood out on you. I should've gone about it a different way, though. The food was incredible, I'm sorry I made your hard work seem like it wasn't worth it."
You nodded slowly and moved to sit up. "Im sorry for my part. I knew you had a hard mission, and I let myself take it personally."
"Bugger off with that. C'mere." He pulled you into his arms, carrying you bridal style to your shared room. He laid you carefully on the bed, and slipped into the covers behind you, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist.
"I love you, Y/N. Thank you for being you." He declared quietly as he pressed a kiss to your hair. "I don't know what I'd do without you in this world."
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König-
"Maus, are you almost ready to go? Our reservation is in 20 minutes!" You heard your boyfriend's voice call from outside your room.
"Y-Yeah. I'll be out in a minute." You replied, staring at your reflection in your mirror. You'd spent the last 30 minutes applying makeup and weren't happy with the end result. You kept reapplying various products, and nothing seemed to be making it better.
König made his way into the room after a few moments to see what the holdup was. "You ready?"
"I'm just trying to make this look good. It's not looking the way I want it." You huffed in frustration.
"You spend so much time getting ready. It's not going to help your self esteem throwing all that stuff on your face, Maus."
"...what?" You turned to him, not knowing if you heard him correctly. He knew of your self-esteem issues, and you were surprised he threw it in your face.
"I said you don't need that crap on your face. It won't help you feel better." He said, his eyebrows bunching together in confusion. Was he saying something wrong? He truly felt you didn't need it.
You turned your head away from him as you felt hot tears beginning to fall down your cheeks. "Oh."
König heard your voice break and immediately panicked. "Maus, are you okay?"
You nodded your head and made your way to the bathroom, grabbing a makeup wipe. You began to aggressively wipe away the makeup on your face as your tears continued to fall.
König followed behind you silently, and his heart shattered upon seeing your tear stained reflection in the mirror. "Maus... tell me what's wrong."
You whipped your head in his direction, fully sobbing now. "I feel so ugly König. Makeup is the only thing that helps me with my self-esteem, and you...you made it seem like it was stupid."
König felt horrible. He truly didn't think much of his words. He thought you were truly beautiful inside and out and didn't need something as trivial as makeup. You were already so beautiful without it.
"Schatz, no, no. I didn't mean it like that. I meant to say you don't need it. You're so pretty without it. I don't know why you don't see yourself the way that I do. You are so stunning, I wish you could see that. I promise you I did not mean to belittle how you felt, sweeheart." He slowly approached you and gently started to wipe away your tears. "I love you so much, please don't be upset."
You cried harder at his words, and König almost lost it himself. He was about to speak up himself when you threw your arms around his midsection and buried your face in his chest. "I'm sorry, Kö."
"What on earth do you have to be sorry for?" He asked, bewildered.
"I just.. I feel like I'm not good-looking enough, so I turn to makeup." You mumbled in his chest.
He pulled your face away gently. "Y/N. Remember when we first started dating? I felt horrible about myself and my scars. It's one of the reasons I always wore my hood. Until you. You made me feel good and happy within my own skin. Please, love, let me help you."
You gave him a smile and pressed your lips to his. "I love you so much, Kö. Thank you."
König returned his arms around your waist giving you a tight hug. "I'm always here, Maus. And you are the most beautiful thing in the world to me."
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Kyle Gaz Garrick-
You and Kyle were sitting on the couch as you played one of the video games he'd been addicted to lately. You wanted to show more interest in the games he liked, and were delighted when he gave you the controller.
You were coming up on a boss fight, and assured Kyle you were okay to win it. "I promise Ky, I got this."
"I'll lose all my items if you don't, it took me forever to get it. Please be careful." He said, watching you play with worry.
You nearly defeated the boss, when you all of a sudden forgot to duck and were struck with a killing blow.
"Ugh, I'm sorry, I almost had him." You chuckled, turning to see your boyfriend staring at you with an angry look on his face.
"Sorry? I've been at this for hours, and you just let my character get killed, I lost all of my items Y/N!" Kyle's voice rose, causing you to flinch slightly.
"I said I was sorry, I feel bad. I just wanted to try this game out since you love it so much. I didn't mean for this to happen." You mumbled quietly, shifting your eyes away from his.
"This is the last time I let you play any of my games. You ruin everything." He said through gritted teeth. "Now I've got to go back and fix all this no thanks to you."
Your bottom lip trembled slightly as you stood and ran to your bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind you. You honestly hadn't meant for it to happen. You were just trying to show interest in a game he loved.
~
It was about an hour later when Kyle came into your room, his heart hurting at the sound of your muffled sobs. "Babe?"
You didn't reply, as you kept your head buried in your pillows. He came over to you, and sat beside you on the bed, rubbing your back soothingly. "I'm sorry. I was an absolute ass. You were trying to show interest which I so appriciate, and I just threw it back in your face. I'm so, so sorry baby."
Kyle bent down and began to pepper light kisses all over your face, making you giggle. "What do you say we go and play Mario kart? I may even let you win a match."
"What? Ky you know I whoop your ass at that game." You giggled, wiping your tears away.
"That's a load of rubbish and you know it. Loser makes dessert?" He asked, a wide smile forming on his face.
"You're on, Garrick."
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Johnny Soap MacTavish-
You'd just gotten home from a shopping trip on your own, and were unloading the bags in the kitchen when your boyfriend Johnny walked in.
"Hey babe, thanks for going." He pressed a kiss to your cheek as he started to help you unload the bags.
"Y/N, where's the hair razor?" Johnny asked, tearing through the shopping bags.
"Oh, crap I forgot it, I knew there was something I was missing. I'll get it next trip!"
"You forgot it? I've been asking you nonstop about it and put it on the list like you asked me to! I shouldn't have to wait until next trip!"
"Okay, okay, im sorry."
"You probably forgot because you were too busy wasting our money on shit we don't need, instead of focusing on the stuff we do."
You swallowed thickly, as his words hit you like a thousand bricks. "Okay."
Johnny threw his hands up in frustration and walked outside to the porch, slamming the door behind him.
You grabbed your keys on the table and made your way to your car.
~
"Where've you been? I came back inside, and you were gone and didn't pick up your cell."
"Went back to the store, here." You said, shoving the razor box into your boyfriend's hands. "Sorry again."
You threw your purse down onto the table and started to make your way to your room before a hand came out and grabbed your wrist. "Y/N, wait."
You turned around to him, your face showing no emotion. "What."
"I'm sorry, babe. I shouldn't have said that shit. I just got frustrated, but that's no excuse." He reached for both your arms and rubbed at them soothingly.
You sighed deeply and met his eyes. "I'm sorry too. It completely skipped my mind when I was there."
"Ah, it's fine. Honestly. I was just being a prick. I appreciate you going back to get it, I really do."
Johnny came up and gave you a bone crushing hug, spinning you around. "I love you, kid."
"I love you too, Johnny." You chuckled before your face fell. "I uh... forgot we needed batteries for your razor."
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John Price-
John had been in his home office nearly all day on call after call. It was supposed to be his day off, but he hadn't left his room in hours. You were slightly worried about him, as he hadn't eaten all day so you decided to make a small snack for him and bring it into his office.
You walked in quietly, pointing to the plate of crackers and cheese as he looked at you pointedly. "Just bringing by a little snack."
"Yeah, yeah, love. I'll be out later." John waived his hand at you dismissively. You gave a small smile before making your way out of his room, closing the door behind you. You were just about to walk away when you heard something spoken, muffled by the door. "Just annoying, you know?"
You felt your heart drop upon hearing those words and walked to your bedroom, not wanting to hear another word. Did you really annoy him? You were just trying to make sure he ate he hadn't left the room in hours.
You laid down on your bed, and tears came to your eyes. You'd been feeling rather depressed lately, like you weren't good enough for him, and his words stabbed at your heart. It was impossible not to keep replaying them over and over in your head.
You'd ultimately decided to give him space for the remainder of the day, not wanting to burden him in any way.
~
"Hey, sorry I've not been able to get off that damn phone all day. Want to go grab a bite?" John's voice came from the doorway.
"No. I'm okay. Thanks, though." You replied, not turning to look at him.
"Oh? Are you sure? It's dinner time, and I figured you haven't eaten." He tried again, walking over to you, and stopped in his tracks when he saw the tear stains literring your cheeks. "Baby, what's wrong?"
You looked up at him, your bottom lip trembling. "Am I annoying?"
"Annoying?" John looked utterly perplexed at your question. "Not at all honey, why would you think that?"
"When... when I closed the door earlier, I heard my name through it...and afterward you said "just annoying"." You sniffled out, unable to meet his eyes.
John sat for a moment, replaying the conversation in his head before remembering. "Oh! God no baby, that wasn't about you. I was on with Kate, and she asked if I'd been able to spend time with you yet since I got home, and I told her I haven't, and it's annoying. I don't think you're annoying at all."
He pulled you into his arms, pressing a kiss to your temple. "I'm so sorry you thought that."
You shook your head, a small laugh bubbling in your chest. "I shouldn't have even thought anything of it. I've just been down, lately, I suppose."
"Honey, you should've told me. I can't help you if I don't know what you're feeling." Price put his finger under your chin and lifted for you to look at him. "Why don't we go get some takeout and have a movie night in? How does that sound?"
You nodded your head and pressed your lips against his. "I love you John."
"I love you too, always."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: didn't go too angsty on this one lol. Thanks for reading!!
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shockercoco · 13 days
Text
Snap Out of It
Austin Butler x reader
Warnings - angst, fluff, soft!Austin aka normal Austin
Word count - 1877
a/n - request: “The reader works from home and is really stressed and starting to fall back into depression and Austin comforting her. Austin finds her crying when he comes home because she is overwhelmed” - I wrote this on my phone since I’m out of town and it was kinda terrible. Also I visited Elvis’ house and saw Austin’s little exhibit, enjoy :)
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You were getting more and more anxious with every passing day. Earlier this month you had auditioned for a role, and you were told that you would receive an answer by the end of the month. Ever since the audition, the first thing you would do each morning would check your emails and your messages for a response, but you were met with nothing.
To be honest, you really needed this job. This is the first role you’ve auditioned for in over a year, and getting the job would help bring you out of your current funk. You spend your days working from home, except for the days you have to go out in town for meetings, and being at home all the time is taking a toll on you.
For months Austin had been gone to film for a new movie and he had just come back recently. You watch as Austin leaves to go to the gym or meet up with friends, and each time he would ask you to join him and tell you to leave your work for later, but you were never in the mood.
You could see the disappointment on his face when you would decline his offers, but he wouldn’t say anything or push you.
Now, you were standing in the bathroom trying to wipe the tears from your eyes and clear your face before Austin came back home from dinner. Your face was red and your eyes were swollen — you just looked a complete mess.
You grab a washcloth and hold it under cold water to use on your eyes. This has started to become a recurring task, and somehow you felt like you were lying to Austin by doing this and acting like nothing is wrong.
After holding the washcloth over your eyes for a couple minutes, you lower your hands to examine your face in the mirror, only to see Austin standing in the doorway through the reflection in the mirror.
The look on his face breaks you, and for a second you feel like you’re going to start crying again.
Austin’s eyebrows are furrowed and he has this gentle look on his face. He’s still in his dress pants and buttoned down from dinner with his sleeves rolled above his elbows. You look away, not ready to look him in the eye and not really wanting to talk about it, but you already know he’s going to pry it out of you.
“You’re back early,” you say, trying to change the subject, even though it’s obviously not going to work. He was home early, though. He wasn’t supposed to be back for another hour.
What you don’t know is that he left early because he didn’t want to leave you home alone too long. He wouldn’t tell you that, though, because he knows how quilty you would feel.
When he got home, he noticed the house was a little too quiet, so he went looking around for you. He heard sniffles as he entered the bedroom, and that’s when he found you in the bathroom trying to clear your face.
He’s noticed the depletion of your mental health, but he’s been waiting for you to say something to him. He hates that it’s gotten to the point, and he can't help but feel like it’s his fault.
You set the towel down on the countertop, and play with the cloth to continue avoiding his gaze. You wait for him to say something, but nothing comes.
It’s silent for a moment — you not being ready to talk, and him not knowing what to say. Then, you hear the shuffling of his socks on the bathroom tile coming closer to you.
Austin grabs your hips to turn you towards him, and when you don’t move, he makes his grip more firm. You finally give in to face him, looking up at him with your red eyes, though the swelling has gone down from the cold washcloth.
He holds your face in his hands as he stares down at you. Your eyes move to the side to look at anything but him. He wraps his arms around you as he pulls you into his chest, not caring about his nice shirt getting soaked, and that’s when you break down again.
He gently shushes you as your cries get more intense and your body shakes. When you start to quiet down is when Austin opens his mouth.
“I know you don’t want to, but I need you to tell me what’s going on. I’ve been waiting for you to come to me because I didn’t want to pry, but baby if you’re breaking down like this, you need to let it out. If you didn’t want to tell me, then at least talk to someone,” he pleads as he soothes you by rubbing your back.
You pull away from his chest with his arms still around you. Using the back of your hands, you wipe your eyes and sniffle to try and clear your stuffy nose. You feel bad for the wet spot you left on his shirt.
“I just…I don’t know. I feel like such a failure because all I do is wake up, get on my laptop, sleep, and repeat. And I feel like I’m in the way because you’re out working, and each time you come back home, I’m still in the same spot you left me in. I’ve been a killjoy for you and I’ve been taking up space, and you’ve just had to deal with me all these months and I’m so, so, sorry. I-,”
“Stop, stop, stop,” Austin says softly as he cuts off your rambling, bringing his hands back to your face. “You have nothing to be sorry for, so don’t apologize.”
“But I-,” you begin to say, but Austin cuts you off again. Tears gather in your waterline once again, but they don’t fall.
“No, I’m serious. Don’t apologize. You’re not a failure, I don’t ever want you to say that or think that about yourself because it’s not true. You think every actor is booked everyday of the year? They’re not. All actors take breaks, and they do it because they need to. Shit happens. And you haven’t been a killjoy or taking up space, this place is yours as much as it is mine.”
His eyes don’t leave yours once throughout the whole speech. His heart breaks at the sight in front of him. Austin hates to see you cry.
“I want to take a break. I didn’t need to take a break. I did this to myself,” you tell him.
“Who cares. You don’t need to feel like you always need to have something going on. No one’s pressuring you to do anything — I’m not, and neither is the world. I'll always be on your side, and I will always be here for you because I love you. I need you to know that,” Austin tells you with a sad smile. He desperately needs you to know that you’re loved. “Do you know that?”
You nod in response to his question, but he shakes his head.
“I need to hear you say it.”
“Yes, I know,” you mumble, but Austin accepts it.
“And don’t you ever forget it. Also, I wouldn't care if you never moved again and left a dent in the mattress, as long as you’re here for me when I get home that’s all that matters to me,” he jokes, and you can’t help but let out a small laugh. “There’s that smile.”
You give him a shove, and he just laughs. Austin moves his hands down to gather your hand in each of his.
“Have you heard back from that role you auditioned for?” He asks hopefully, his eyebrows raised and his tone still soft.
“Nope,” you shake your head as you let out a gloomy sigh.
“Well you still have until the end of the month,” he tells you as he playfully begins to swing your hands in his.
“At least one of us is optimistic,” you tell him as you look down.
“One of us has to be,”he says as he brings one of your hands up to his mouth for him to kiss the back of it.
The next morning, you wake up with a headache, the one that always comes when you’ve been crying. You stay in bed, not quite ready to get up and face the day. Although the talk you had with Austin did make you feel better, you still have that voice in the back of your head.
Austin rolls over to see you staring at the ceiling. He wraps an arm around your waist as he scoots closer to you, studying your face. You look over at him once you feel his touch and give him a small smile.
“How ya feeling?” He asks you as he lifts the bottom of your shirt a little to reach the skin on your waist and begins to caress the skin.
“Pretty good,” you say genuinely.
“You know, you could just stay here in bed with me. I don’t have anything to do today,” he tells you as he moves his hand over your stomach to lightly tickle the skin there.
You laugh at the feeling. “I would love to, but I have a couple things to do and some emails to send.”
Austin groans as you slowly crawl out of bed away from his touch, and you just smile.
You brush your teeth and clean yourself up before you head to Austin’s office where you do most of your work. As you’re walking down the hallway towards the room you feel your phone vibrate in your hand.
You thought it was just a regular notification, so you raise your hand to quickly glance at your phone before going to put your hand back down by your side, but you stop yourself halfway.
A message had caught your eye. Your manager had messaged you saying:
- Check your email NOW!
You’re frozen for a second before picking up the pace to the office. Once you reach the desk, you don’t even bother to take a seat as you type in the password to your laptop.
All you need to see are the words “we are happy to offer you the role” before you let out an excited scream. Finally. You can finally stop stressing, get out of the house, and continue what you love doing.
Austin comes running into the room after your outburst and meets you with a confused face. “What’s wrong?” he asks, but once he sees the huge grin on face, he raises his eyebrows and a smile appears on his own lips. “Did you get it?”
You nod happily as you jump up and down, and Austin mirrors your actions with his toothbrush still in his mouth.
As he brings you in for a hug, he says, “I’m so proud of you, I knew you would get it.”
“No you didn’t,” you tell him as he squeezes you.
“Yes, I did. I knew you would get it because you're amazing and talented and smarter than me and-.”
“Austin,” you laugh as you cut him off, “enough.”
Like what you see? Check out my masterlist ;)
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autisticsupervillain · 10 months
Text
Autistic Avatars not realizing that they're Avatars because they're just "like that": a thread
The Eye
Special Interest in the supernatural = constant food for The Watcher
You know about Interest? TELL ME EVERYTHING
"Hey man listen to me infodump about this horrifying ghost story I read for twenty minutes, alright?"
I need to Know everything about something before I partake in it.
"How did I Know that? Eh, I probably hyperfixated on it at some point."
I cannot be misunderstood so I'll beam the facts into your brain.
The Web
I must plan everything 200 steps in advance before doing anything.
I have prepared for all possible outcomes, I can now have this one conversation.
If I set up all these variables long in advance, then I can do everything correctly and Win the social interaction.
I cannot do anything before The Plan says to.
"I practice my social skills by talking to my spider friends." -Martin "Autism" Blackwood
The Stranger
I cannot socialize without being Uncanny.
If my socialization seems like an act, that's because it is. I practice it in the mirror every day.
Theater Kid
How do you Normal Human?
The Anatomy Class.
Assuming fellow Stranger Avatars also just have the 'Tism. They're not trying to be creepy, honest.
Can't do faces. Doesn't notice when you get replaced.
Being subtly off is too subtle for me.
The Lonely
"I have failed the social interaction. Let the fog reclaim me."
Talking to people is draining my batteries even faster than ever. I need to be alone for approximately 384,400,000 years.
Nothing can overstimulate me in the cool, blinding fog.
Nothing unpredictable can happen in the fog.
The fog is your friend.
The known connection between autism and depression feeds the fog.
The Dark
Why is the sun so god damn bright? I'm going to blow it up I swear.
Night Owl.
Everything's decently quite at night and people leave you alone.
Same overstimulation preventatives as the Lonely tbh. Dark and fog are good concealers.
The dawn is your enemy.
The dread florescent lights shall never bother me again. They break upon my arrival.
Can and will infodump to the monster under my bed. Even now it feels like it listens.
The Spiral
Autism makes getting other mental illnesses recognized hard.
Autism dissociation from body and mind. When did it become 3 AM and why do I hurt? Why am I grumpy? What vital self care task did I forget?
Literal mind doesn't often match reality. Reality is specifically unspecific.
Spaced out and wandered off. Where the fuck am I?
I'm not a mental baby, please stop treating me like it.
I'm not inherently dangerous, please stop treating me like it.
Memory problems my beloathed. Did that happen? I dunno.
What Is Time?
What Is Me?
The Gender
Why do things only make sense to me? What does no one else make sense?
The Flesh
Autism Genderfuckery = Flesh fueled dysphoria.
Meat is the only texture that's palatable. Especially the Mystery Meat.
Will never try any other foods. Too picky.
Infodumps about the horrors of meat processing at dinner and ruins the meal for everyone. More steak for me.
Hates PETA.
Double the arms means double the stim. You weren't using them, right?
Working out is a great stim.
The Corruption
Practices social interaction with the bugs who live in my walls.
"Insects are disgusting. I love them!"
Will protect endangered insects by any means necessary.
According to all known laws of aviation-
Relationship boundaries struggles.
Difficulty noticing sickness symptoms.
Is that nausea or am I overstimulated? *Accidentally causes supernatural plague outbreak*
Difficulty getting diseases diagnosed because of both Autism and noticing too many symptoms so the doctors assume they're faking.
Forgot vital hygiene needs.
The Bugs Are My Friends! They keep me company when I'm sick!
The Buried
Weighted blankets are insufficient, I need the Earth to reclaim me.
Avoid social interaction by tunneling everywhere like a mole.
101 facts about worms.
Forgor hygiene again. Time to become dirt.
Digging a hole is good stimming.
That guy who had to be buried alive to sleep properly. What do you mean you don't want to be buried?
The End
Aradia Megido from Homestuck.Com
That's it, that's the list.
The Desolation
The Autism Temper.
Losing relationships and friendships to ableism and your own disability constantly.
The Fire is a wonderful stim board. Watch it crinkle.
Just watching candles melt for hours.
The fire and thrill gives my life passion again.
Jude Perry.png
The Vast
Accidentally terrifying people by infodumping about the horrors of nature.
The stimulus of falling.
Nature/Space/Weather Documentary on in background always.
Okay, but from how high did you fall? I want to calculate your velocity as you fell through the void.
Weirdly enough... power scaling?
Power scaling is just the art of determining how easily your favorite characters can destroy mankind so... yeah, I can see it.
Brain empty, only terminal velocity.
The Hunt
Cat Autism
The inherent hyperfocus of the hunt. The chase. Your prey.
Studying the habits of your latest hyperfixation/Hunt assigned prey for days at a time.
I've spent so much time hunting in the woods that I forgot about human society. The Missing Person's Bureau have written you off for dead.
Returning to society to sell your wears and realizing you aren't human anymore.
That's okay. Social interaction is random. The Hunt makes sense.
It's black and white. Predator and prey. Humans hunting monsters. It Makes Sense.
The Slaughter
The incredible human WW1 documentary.
"Did you know?" *Describes horrible historic warcrime*
Takes apart puts back together guns from their collection.
The list of known casualties from this war is incomplete. With my help, they can expand it. :)
The Extinction
The world is spiraling towards its end and only you seem to care.
It hurts to be this passionate about a lost cause.
You Will Make Them Care.
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soap-ify · 6 months
Text
nsfw , minors dni.
☆ : lonely is a man without love — kyle 'gaz' garrick x reader
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kyle's lonely life experiences a change when he moves into a new place — ♡
. . 11.1k words.
tags and cw : neighbors to lovers, angst but LOTS of comfort, hurt/comfort, canon typical violence (briefly mentioned), hush if you see any military inaccuracies, reader is struggling and kyle too, reader is somewhat shy, mentions and descriptions of anxiety and depression, reader is afab and therefore the smut contains afab anatomy but other than that gender neutral terms have been used, smut, p in v, missionary position, fingering, cum eating, body worship i think, LOTS of kisses this man is insane about you, LOTS of consent check-ins because he is amazing, some laughing during sex, use of alcohol, kyle smokes, kissing in the rain.
notes : this is very self-indulgent and probably horribly written i am sorry . . went overboard with the word limit too i didn't think it would be long. this is for the gaz likers, eat your dinner up!
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Kyle sometimes felt like he was doomed to be alone forever. So much love floated around him yet not a single bit was directed at him.
It’s a good thing. He would reassure himself. Will help me focus on my work. Though that wouldn’t explain the gnawing feeling in his heart, the loneliness that just spread within him like a virus while he would curl up in his bed, arms wrapped around himself while his fingers would caress his shoulders, pretending that it was someone else.
It wasn’t that he was bad. He was far from it. Handsome with a nice husky voice and a fairly athletic build. Not only that, he had a great personality too — loyal and determined. Still not fucking enough though, it seemed. People did like him, just not in the way his heart desired to be liked. At some points, it was as if no one ever took him seriously, making him feel like the odd one out. The leftover.
Kyle is a sweetheart — heart full of love that was aching to be given to someone, aching to be understood and embraced for once.
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A few days ago, Kyle had rented a new apartment on impulse. Not that he regretted it though, it was clearly better than the current apartment he was living in — more spacious and closer to the base.
He was moving in today, cardboard boxes scattered on the floor as he stood in front of the door of his apartment, fiddling with his keys. He was about to open the door when he felt someone tap on his shoulder, causing him to abruptly turn around to face the culprit, senses on alert.
“Sorry!” A warm voice squeaked out, instantly catching Kyle’s attention. It was you, a friendly yet surprised smile adorning your lips as you angled your head to look at him. “Didn’t mean to surprise you.” You laughed sheepishly, fingers fidgeting with the fabric of your shirt as you gestured to the door beside his door. “I’m your neighbor.”
Kyle would relax a bit, her dark eyes flickering towards the door you had gestured at before landing back at you, a soft smile slowly gracing his lips. “Nah, s’fine. Don’t be sorry.” He chuckled warmly, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. He was used to being hyper aware all the time due to his work, so that sudden touch on his shoulder had nearly made him have a heart-attack. “...And I’m Kyle.” He added after a while.
Silence would soon take over as you two looked at one another, thinking over what to say next. “Well…” You would trail off, not wanting to disturb this new neighbor of yours any longer. Your eyes would glance down at those plump lips for him for a second before you snapped out of your thoughts, offering him a smile. “I’ll see you around then… Don’t be afraid to ask for anything at all.” You mumbled quickly, feeling like a damn bother already, turning around on your feet before jogging back into your apartment, gently shutting the door behind you.
Kyle would stare at the spot where you stood with a dazed look in his eyes, his lips parted slightly as he let out a shaky breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding until you went away. Fuck, that was awkward, he internally thought, yet unable to shake off this warm feeling that was spreading through his heart. Typical Kyle, always being left shocked and giddy after anyone would show interest in him. You are a weirdo, Garrick.
Now he had another mini goal in his life — to get to know you. You were his neighbor after all so it was only polite for him to at least know you, right? And with that, he resumed moving the packed boxes into his apartment, blood rushing to his cheeks.
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The following weeks were very much uneventful — simple greetings exchanged whenever you passed by Kyle, little waves here and there alongside the sweet smiles you would give him that would just melt his heart. Yet still, there wasn’t any real interaction. He didn’t know anything about you, and at this point, he felt like he had read too much into the time he first met you a few weeks ago.
It wasn’t as if he himself was making any effort. He was too caught up in work, coming home late at nights, barely having any time for himself or others.
Tonight was different though. He had come early. Well, not really — it was 11:00 PM, but still earlier than usual though he was just as tired as every time. As he made his way towards the door of his apartment, he felt a familiar figure next to him. You. His head was quick to turn to the side, brown eyes instantly meeting yours as you looked at him as well, the time suddenly slowing down. There you were outside your apartment’s door, in your work clothes and a bit of disheveled appearance, highlighting just how exhausted you were after work. Just like him.
For a moment, you both just stared at each other tiredly before he managed to gather up some courage, his hand holding the door knob. “Drinks?” He asked, internally cringing at how hoarse his voice sounded due to his throat randomly going dry at the sight of you. Though you were quick to nod, causing a familiar warmth to spread in his chest.
That’s how you found yourself in Kyle’s apartment, your eyes taking in the details. It was quite warm and cozy, not overly decorated but having little things like books, certificates and pictures around that made the apartment his.
You settled down on the couch, sinking into the softness while your fingers absent-mindedly played with the sleeve of your shirt, eyes watching Kyle as he came towards you with two bottles of bourbon. “Sorry that I look like a disaster.” You mumbled quietly, earning a soft chuckle from him.
“Nah. You don’t. And even if ya do, I do too. That'd mean we're matching.” He grinned and sat beside you, passing you one bottle of bourbon before opening up his own, taking a swig of it, a soft sigh escaping his lips. He would lean his head back, and you couldn’t help but look at the way the bulge in his throat moved as he gulped down the alcohol.
Kyle looked pretty. He always looked good-looking in your eyes ever since you had first met him, but right now, something made him look even better. Maybe it was the dim yellow light from the lamp on a nearby stand that fell onto his face, creating a soft glow around the face of his shape from the angle you were seated on. His eyes were closed while the bourbon relaxed his nerves, his plump lips parted slightly. You couldn’t help but admire his lashes, the mild stubble that adorned his jaw and the mustache that neatly rested above his upper lips — and that small scar on his cheek, your fingers aching to caress the rough surface. You silently took a sip from your own bourbon bottle, your eyes traveling down to his neck, the sight of skin making your insides feel weird, in a good way. You would soon find yourself in awe of his arms, the way his shirt was rolled up to rest on his elbows, and fuck, those hands. Your throat went dry as you mindlessly stared at the veins on his hand, and those long fingers of his. Get your head out of the gutter, you reminded yourself.
You weren’t usually like this. Yes, you had a fair share of people you have had a crush upon, but they were never a person that you sat with and drank a bourbon with, someone who also happened to be your neighbor. This all felt too weird, too real. It was maybe also the fact that you weren't so used to all this — this level of calmness and almost sickening domesticity. You don't even remember the last time you had let someone see you being vulnerable, open around them or anything. You were mostly alone.
Failing to rip your eyes away from Kyle, you silently continued to stare at him while drinking the bourbon until his eyes fluttered open and met yours, catching you staring at him. Shit. You went still, feeling your blood rush to your cheeks.
He went still too, his brows raising in curiosity and subtle amusement, his lips twitching a bit — as if contemplating on whether to smile or not. Why am I so awkward?, he internally scolded himself, his fingers tightening around the bottle of bourbon.
A part of him felt proud that you found him attractive. He wanted you to find him attractive. He silently took one last swig of the bourbon before putting the bottle aside, turning over to him. His cheeks felt warm, and he didn’t know if it was because of the alcohol or this situation — or both. Sensing your embarrassment, he decided to let this little action of yours slide and change the topic.
“Hey, you wanna hear somethin’ funny?” He asked, his elbow gently nudging your arm. You nodded curiously, fingers tapping against the glass of the bottle.
He would shuffle a bit closer to you, your shoulders brushing against one another. It didn’t feel odd this time, or creepy even — it felt just right. The type of right where the time seemingly slows down and the room grows warmer, the type of right where everything blurs around the person your eyes are focused on — Kyle. The type of right where your breathing gets slower in contentment and tranquility, an odd sense of serenity flowing through your veins, making it impossible for you to not lean into him.
He began talking, his tone not slurred at all but seemingly more confident now, and you couldn’t pinpoint whether it was because of the alcohol or just him warming up to you. He talked about his job, how he was an operator in the Special Forces, not disclosing much more than that because apparently, that information was classified. He subtly talked about some fucked up moments that he had to face, that he found funny even, despite it being somewhat horrific actually.
“There was this one time when I had to rescue a friend of mine. I was in the heli with Nik — he’s a nice man. Anyways, some stuff happened and I slipped off the heli, but hey, I didn’t hit the ground. I was danglin’ by a fuckin' rope, and my cap'n kept tryin’ to talk to me through the earpiece. It was hell, he couldn’t believe it.” Kyle chuckled, voice a bit raspy while his eyes were focused on you, eager to see your reaction.
You would have normally been weirded out by something like that, something that just seemed so dangerous. But the way he had described it, the way he had chuckled even — it made your lips twitch into a bright smile, a soft giggle leaving your lips that soon turned into full blown laughter. “Dangling by a rope?!” You try to mutter in between your laughs, hands clutching your sides as you try to regain your composure. Your reaction made him burst into laughter too, and now you both were just a mess, tearing up. At this point, it didn’t even seem to be about Kyle’s experience anymore. It was a sweet, genuine laugh — evidence of how you had gotten so comfortable with your neighbor, how you had started to feel this odd sense of affection towards him.
Kyle was no better, his heart drumming like crazy against his chest. You are an angel, he internally thought, so enamored by the sound of your laughter. It didn’t matter what you thought of your laughter or how much you tried to keep it quiet, he absolutely loved it. He began feeling that familiar ache in his heart, the emotions that begged to be spilled out, to be directed towards someone, anyone — you. But he was going to hold it in like every time, like all the times he had to keep his emotions bottled up, knowing that they wouldn’t be reciprocated. They never were reciprocated, and it made him into this — a love-starved fool.
The laughter eventually dissolved into muffled giggles and shaky breaths, your hands loosening around your sides while your glassy eyes looked over at Kyle, who was also looking at you. Both of you were panting softly, eyes locked on one another. You could feel your heartbeat picking up its pace, your lips parted slightly while your cheeks were all warm. God, he is gorgeous, you wondered in awe, feeling an oddly fuzzy feeling clouding your brain.
You two were so close, and you could just kiss him. You wanted to. But wouldn’t he find it weird, being kissed by his neighbor? You felt skeptical, but seeing the way his eyes just didn’t seem to move away from yours, you found yourself leaning forward. And he did too. He actually leaned forward!
Closer, and a bit more, and more—
Until his phone rang. Fucking hell. Kyle audibly groaned, looking at you with a collectively embarrassed and apologetic look. You backed away, cheeks burning up while your eyes darted away shyly, nibbling on your bottom lip.
He mumbled something inaudible under his breath, getting up from the couch so he could accept the call, pressing his phone against his ear. “Yes, Cap’n? Yeah… Oh, alright... On Friday? Yeah, okay.” He whispered, soon enough ending the call before turning back to you, clearing his throat sheepishly. “Uh— Sorry. Work call.” He grumbled, brows knitting.
You shook your head, still in a bit of haze after how you almost kissed him. Or maybe you weren’t going to. Maybe you were just overthinking the whole situation, clinging onto some false hope because fuck, your neighbour was gorgeously enticing. You pushed those thoughts away quickly, not willing to fall into another delusion, just like you had with your past crushes. “S’fine, Kyle. Need to go anyway. Too late now.” You mumbled softly, looking over at the watch on your wrist that read 12:45 AM now. You hadn’t realized how much time you had spent with him already. It was as if time seemed to melt away around you, just like the way he seemed to melt your heart.
But there was no time to think about that. You had work tomorrow. It was already too late. Kyle looked over at the clock hung on the wall, a soft sigh leaving his lips before his brown eyes looked back at you. “Thanks for keepin’ me company, mate.” He spoke, internally cringing at calling you ‘mate’ though he didn’t know what else to call you. Love? Sweetie? I will freak her out, he internally thought, you think too much, Garrick.
You made your way towards the front door of his apartment, glancing at him one last time. “Goodnight, Kyle…” You whispered, a soft smile adoring your lips, senses a bit clouded due to the alcohol though you knew that your smile was sincere — full of warmth that you had shown multiple, but managed to seem different when shown to him — more genuine.
When you stepped out into the corridor, your eyes caught a glimpse of his expression, a hint of disappointment and loneliness lingering behind the warm smile he wore on his plump lips. Maybe you were imagining it, maybe your mind was playing tricks on you, but you knew that you wanted to be there for him more and more. He was like a painting, placed in the far corner of the museum where no one would see him, but you were the visitor who had coincidentally stumbled upon the isolated area, now in awe of this painting.
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It was just one of those days for you today, brows knitted in frustration as you went over the paperwork of your job, not understanding a single word written there. Maybe it was just the lack of sleep you had gotten the past few days, or the boisterous laugh of your fellow colleagues that roared in the workplace, overstimulating your senses. Or maybe it was your annoying boss, slamming loads and loads of papers on your desk and you just silently accepted them because, well, you couldn’t afford angering your boss. Or maybe it was just Kyle who had been stuck in your brain ever since that little experience you had with him a few days ago.
You didn’t have the luxury of having a pleasant lifestyle. It was monotonous more than anything — most days passed with you absolutely drowning in your work, giving you barely any time to take care of yourself. You were horribly burnt out, exhausted with the same old stuff going on. Maybe that’s why you were so drawn to Kyle in the first place. He was new, fresh like the spring breeze, his smile enough to kindle a strange warmth in your chest.
Whatever it was, you knew that you wanted to get to know him better, even though you weren’t the best at making connections — or even maintaining them. The thought made you wince, mind drifting away from the paperwork.
Your phone hadn’t pinged with a new message for a few days. You knew it, they had grown tired of you. Your friends — everyone. It was your fault, right? It was always your fault. Pushing people away, not letting them see past your mask, to see the real you that yearned to be understood, to fit in. If it weren’t for your depressive episodes, you would still have managed to maintain some relationship. But no. You just had to push them away. Now hopelessly sitting on your bed, dark circles adorning your under eyes while you gazed at your silent phone, a familiar emptiness lingering in your heart that just never seemed to go away. Your room was a mess, neither your body nor mind having any energy to get up. You needed help, you needed someone — anyone. But you didn’t want to be a burden, you didn’t—
You were snapped out of your memories at the sound of the glass shattering and some yells, your head snapping up to see that one of your colleagues had managed to break a glass, now getting yelled by the boss. Fucking great. You bitterly groaned silently, eyes looking over at the clock. Just a few more hours, you could do this.
Once the time was up, you were quick to grab your things and scurry out of the office, too exhausted to deal with anyone. 6:30 PM — you had actually managed to leave early today. You followed along your usual path, taking the crowded bus and then having a small walk along the street until you reached the small apartment complex.
About an hour passed and you had properly freshened up with a nice shower, now cladded in one of your pajamas. The fatigue still lingered in your muscles, refusing to go away. You frowned silently, eyes darting over to the balcony door. Putting on some slippers, you walked over to the balcony door and opened it, stepping into the cool, chilly evening air — the sky having mostly darkened up. You breathed in the fresh air, feeling a sense of ease clouding your senses. Though your moment of peace was interrupted by the smell of cigarettes. Wait, what?
Your head turned to the side, catching the sight of your neighbor on his balcony. Fuck, you had forgotten that your balcony was connected with Kyle’s.
Your brows rose in surprise, eyes carefully looking over at him. He looked, well, like a wreck. You felt your heart sink as you looked at him, taking in his appearance. He wore a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants, the hood covering his head up, restricting you from the view of his short curly hair. His eyes looked tired, dark circles visible under his eyes, his brows knitted while his eyes were focused on the sky, gaze distant. A lit cigarette was snug in between his fingers, connecting with his lips as he exhaled some smoke. You wondered what happened, what caused him to look so… dejected. Though you resisted from asking him that directly, not wanting to pry into something you clearly didn’t belong in.
“Smoker?” Your voice cut through the silence, causing him to look over at you in surprise.
Kyle hadn’t expected to see you here. There you were, in your balcony, staring at him with concern that was masked behind nonchalance, though he could easily spot it. “Sometimes.” He replied, voice hoarse as his eyes looked away, staring back at the sky. He wanted to talk to you, had missed you so much, but this really wasn’t the best time. He didn’t mean it, but his voice sounded uncharacteristically annoyed.
You winced at his lack of reaction and the subtle show of annoyance, swallowing the strange lump in your throat as you silently stepped forward, leaning against the barrier of your balconies. “What’s wrong?” You finally decided to hit the sore spot, eyeing the change in his expression.
“Nothing.” He replied gruffly.
“Well there’s clearly something wro—”
“It’s none of your business. You don’t wanna hear it, trust me.”
“You won’t know unless you—”
“I told you, it’s nothing!”
“Stop fucking talking over me!” Your voice raised unintentionally alongside his. For a second, you just stared at him with wife eyes, panting softly as he looked back at you with an equally surprised reaction. This was such a stupid thing to argue on, and for a moment, you thought that maybe he was right. Maybe it really wasn’t any of your business. You were just his neighbor, right? Good job, ruining everything once again, you internally scolded yourself, a groan leaving your lips. If only you could control your goddamn temper.
Kyle was stunned, your voice pulling him out of his depressed haze. He huffed, brows knitting in embarrassment as he walked over to the barrier that separated the balconies, getting in front of you. “Fuck, sorry. It’s just…” He hesitated, taking another drag from his cigarette, exhaling the smoke aside. “I am tired, y’know. Working’ so hard every day and for what? I got no one to be proud of me. Fuck, even my own cap’n doesn’t give me the validation I want…” His voice cracked at the end, nose scrunching as he looked away, as if ashamed by his own vulnerability.
Fuck, you froze, You knew this feeling too well.
“And now look at me… Talkin’ to my neighbor about it. I am supposed to be protecting people, n-not be the fucking weak one.” He sniffled irritably, forcing out an insincere chuckle. Self deprecating thoughts, typical for Kyle. Though you were clearly unaware of it.
Kyle’s mind was a mess right now. Do better, do better, do better. Ever since he had joined the taskforce, he had this itchy feeling in his heart that urged him to prove himself. To make everyone sure that he was worthy enough to deal with the horrors of the world. But no amount of training or missions gave him the satisfaction he desired. There was always someone better than him. Who even was he anymore? He had molded himself so much for others, and now he couldn’t recognise himself.
You had noticed how Kyle had suddenly gone quiet, the connected balconies now surrounded by a thick layer of silence, sparking a familiar sense of anxiety in you. You wanted to say something to him, something you longed to listen to when you were struggling a few years ago. But what could you even say without properly knowing his situation? You knew nothing about what actually even goes on in his job despite the little things he had told you that wouldn’t really be considered classified.
So you simply reached your hand forward, grabbing his free one. You felt him stiffen up for a split second before relaxing again, his eyes moving back to you. You took this time to silently admire his hands, your fingers lacing with his as your thumb rubbed gently circles on his skin. His hand was so fucking pretty, the type you’d want after a manicure. His nails were nicely cut, and his skin was clean and only mildly callused. You were surprised that his hands weren’t so madly roughened up in the way you would normally expect a soldier to have.
“I have a hand care routine.” Kyle blurted out sheepishly, probably having sensed your fascination. You couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh, causing his eyes to soften up. Your laugh. It reminded him of how you gave him company alongside drinking some bourbon a few nights ago. It was his favorite night in his damn life already.
“I don’t know what's going on in your head, Kyle. But…” You trailed off, giving his hands a gentle squeeze while your eyes darted away in an almost shy manner. “You can always rely on me. I swear.”
Kyle could have sworn that he heard his heart explode in his chest.
There was no way you weren't an angel. The familiar painful warmth made its appearance into his heart and this time, he didn’t push it away. He was smitten. You, sweet you. His lovely name. Not emphasis on his yet, because well— yeah.
Kyle had started feeling hopeful all over again, blood rushing to his cheeks and lips parting breathlessly. He didn’t know what exactly he was feeling towards you. Maybe a silly crush like many others wherein his feelings were never reciprocated. But he instantly pushed that thought away. He knew that you were different. Unlike others who had made him into this anxious, perfectionist mess — you didn’t put any burdens on him, simply made him feel safe and seen. Safe. He had never felt safe with any person before, maybe with his task force but that was really different from what he felt right now. He didn’t feel unlovable for once, despite the self-loathing thoughts scratching on the back of his mind, making him struggle to think straight.
He simply wanted to fall in your arms and cry. Cry about how it was just too much for him now, the sheer immorality of his work that he had promised himself that he would face. Cry about how no one ever wanted him, how he was always left out. Cry about being the second option. Cry about feeling like a fucking outsider. Cry about never being perfect. Cry about everything.
He would have actually made his way into your arms if it wasn’t for the little barrier in between your balcony and his. And the barrier between you both — the invisible one. You were still just a neighbor, and maybe a friend. He didn’t want to overthink this, to give himself hope like every time.
Once his cigarette had run out, he sighed softly and kept it tucked in between his fingers, his lips forming a soft smile — the one that you were so familiar with. “You’re a special one, lovie.” He said, before pausing, lips twitching a bit. Going all out now with the nicknames.
Your eyes lightened up under the faint, dim light of the balcony, lips forming a sweetly goofy smile. Lovie. That just sounded so… Kyle. You liked it, this new little change in your relationship. You never let go of his hand, your body pressing up against the barrier of the balconies. “C’mon. Wanna hang out again? My apartment this time.” You offered, gently nudging him.
And oh boy, he was embarrassingly quick to agree.
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You had put down fluffy pillows in front of the couch, Kyle seated on them alongside you with your backs pressed against the couch. You had bought a bowl of popcorns, which was now settled in between the little distance you two had. The light from your TV illuminated your face, and he couldn’t help but silently stare at you.
“I’m going to put on a rom-com.” You mumbled softly, hands fiddling with the remote of the TV as you scrolled through the lists of movies, until random on a recently added rom-com movie you don't recall ever watching.
Kyle’s eyes drifted over to the TV screen and then back to you, a cheeky grin soon adorning his lips. ”I feel like this is a trap.” He chuckled under his breath, playfully nudging you with his elbow.
“Oh yeah? Why would it be?” You couldn’t help but giggle, eyes squinting.
“Well, I dunno! Didn’t know that lovie here was into rom-coms.”
“You don’t know much about me then, Kyle.”
The banter between you both went on for a few seconds until the opening credit song of the movie started playing, causing you to immediately hush him, focusing fully onto the movie. Kyle went quiet, pulling the hood of his head, finally. Those short curls of his were visible once again.
He was definitely more relaxed than before. He had even sprayed himself with your perfume so the smell of cigarettes goes away. His mind felt a bit clearer too, albeit a weird dull ache still present in his heart. The usual emptiness, the ache for you. He ignored those feelings for now though, trying to properly focus on the movie.
Easier said than done. You were so close to him, warmth basically radiating off you while your eyes were fixed onto the screen, mouth silently chewing onto the popcorns. He sneakily shuffled a bit closer, his shoulder gently brushing with yours. You didn’t flinch away at all, making his heart warm up even more.
He wanted, no, needed to hold you. His arms were aching to embrace you, and as much as the rational part of his mind would have normally stopped him, this time it didn’t. He gently leaned his head a bit close, lips a few inches away from your ears. “Can I hold you…?” He asked, voice soft and a bit raspy.
Your breath hitched at the sudden proximity, your head tilting to the side to face him, only for your noses to almost be pressed together. Warmth bloomed in your chest and you couldn’t help but nod, lips forming a sweet smile. “Yes…” You whispered. You wouldn’t have let anyone else hold you. You trusted him.
Kyle was overjoyed, but he managed to hide it well. His arms, firm with muscles, slowly around you and scooped you towards him until your back was nicely snuggled into his chest, seated between his legs. You could almost feel his heartbeat against your back — rapid and loud with soft thumps. you found yourself relaxing in his arms, leaning more into him as a soft sigh escaped your lips.
You picked the bowl of popcorns and gently placed it back on your lap, resuming to eat it. Kyle took this time to place his chin on the top of your head, happy that you couldn’t see the absolutely goofy grin that adorned his lips, his heart practically jumping up and down in his chest. He had never felt so connected with someone, your warmth seeping into the sheer loneliness that engulfed his heart. He wasn’t alone.
“Crappy guy.” He commented on the love interest of the female lead, some tall and cold man — very much typical in romance movies. You hummed in agreement, your hand grazing him as he put his hand alongside yours into the bowl, picking up some popcorn.
The movie wasn’t even good at this point. Mostly because all of your mind was solely focused on how nice and warm he felt behind you, making you feel so relaxed. You could basically fall asleep on him if you wanted to, but you restrained yourself mentally, not wanting to overstep any boundaries. What even were the boundaries now?
You closed your eyes momentarily, curling up against him after you put the popcorn bowl aside, your cheek pressed against his neck. “Bored?” He asked quietly, his hand rubbing up and down your arm in a gentle manner, earning a silent nod from you. He sighed softly and nuzzled his nose into your hair, inhaling your scent.
“About earlier…” You trailed off, brows knitting in confusion. What were you doing? It was as if you wanted to comfort him as much as you could, your heart speaking instead of your mind. It was like an itch, one that wouldn’t go away unless you talked to him. You shifted in his arms so you could face him, comfortable in between his legs, not caring about the movie anymore. “I…” You sheepishly cleared your throat, hands hesitantly twitching before grasping onto his shoulders. “I… I was struggling real bad a few years ago. Still am, but… Just wanted to tell you that you aren’t alone…” You nervously looked away, chewing on your bottom lip.
You had never opened up to anyone before. It was basically written all over your face.
Kyle’s brows furrowed momentarily, going quiet after your words. It explained a lot actually, the subtle dark circles under your eyes and the absent-minded fidgeting you always did. Though it wasn’t really noticeable, he noticed. Perks of having a job that required high attention.
“Lovie… You don’t gotta say anythin’ you don’t wanna.” He spoke after a while, his arms tightening around you as he pulled you in just a bit more closer, the tip of his nose almost touching yours. “But thank you… Really. And I am also here for you, always” His voice softened up even more at the end, so quiet and warm.
You scoffed softly, but nodded, your hands shyly caressing up his shoulders, fingers trailing up his neck, face before eventually reaching his scalp. Your fingers soothingly ran through his short, nicely cut hair, a soft sigh escaping your lips. You had been waiting for this. And the way Kyle’s eyes closed relaxed encouraged you even more to gently scratch his scalp.
Kyle leaned into your touch, his eyes fluttered shut and lips parted slightly, relishing your touch. It was achingly comforting, and he could feel the noises in his head becoming inaudible, his heart rate relaxing and his nerves calming down.
You, you, you, you.
That’s what rang in his head, blood rushing to his cheeks and ears as he felt himself get all giddy over his neighbor — sweet neighbor.
The movie was long forgotten in the background, the only trace of it being the muffled sounds and the light from the screen that fell onto you both. Kyle slowly opened his eyes again, his hands reaching up to gently cup your face, fingertips pressing against the back of your ears. His eyes looked all over your face, from the fond look in your eyes to your lips. Lips he wanted to kiss so bad.
“Can I kiss you?”
His own words surprised him, but he didn’t back away. Not now, not ever. He gently pressed his forehead against yours, his breathing syncing with yours as he felt your hands slide down to gently hold onto his shoulders again, your lips forming an adorable smile.
“Yes… Okay.”
He slowly closed the distance between you both, pressing his lips against yours. His lips felt soft, moving with your lips delicatel — a chaste kiss. The kiss didn’t seem inexperienced by any means. He knew what he was doing, holding your face so tenderly in his hands as if you were the most precious thing ever, breath hitching subtly as he parted from the kiss, looking at you with half-open eyes. Holy shit, he actually kissed you. If he were to die this very moment, he would die a happy man.
“Am I going too fast, lovie…?” He asked, his hands slowly easing their way down to your waist, helping you up to sit on his lips before he wrapped his arms around your waist one again, a blissful smile on his lips.
You shook your head lazily, arms wrapping around his neck as you comfortably sat on his lap, blood rushing to your cheeks while your heart thumped fast in your chest. You actually kissed him. “I liked it… You can do more, Kyle.”
God, you were perfect, he thought to himself, brain buzzing with glee while his hands gently caressed your lower back, fingers applying some pressure to your hip bone, earning a relaxed sigh from you. “I told ya I felt like this was going to a trap.” He chuckled in amusement under his breath before pressing his lips against yours once more.
Your mind felt fuzzy as you responded back to his kiss, soft smooching sounds lingering in the air. It felt nice. Too nice. Your brain wanted to somehow disconnect from the feeling of the kiss. Memories of you isolating yourself from everyone made their way into your mind once again like a fly that never went away, scratching at your head. Fuck. What if you pushed him away too? This felt impossibly good, and you didn’t know if you could handle it.
Still, you didn’t pull away from the kiss. You couldn’t. You still wanted this.
You felt his tongue gently caressing your bottom lip, poking it as if requesting entrance. You could almost feel him unable to hold in his grin in the middle of the kiss when you complied, gently parting your lips. He coaxed you closer and closer, the tip of his tongue gently caressing yours. A muffled whimper left your lips as you tightened your fingers around his shoulders, brows furrowing as you tried to keep your mind clear. This time, you properly felt his light stubble and mustache graze against your soft skin, heightening up your senses.
Once the kiss ended, Kyle pressed some more quick pecks on your cheek before burying his face in the crook of your neck, his stubble tickling your skin. You were breathless, clinging onto him tight, not wanting this moment to end at all as you leaned into him, fingernails gently scratching against his nape. “Bloody gorgeous you are…” He croaked out against your neck, gently pressing soft kisses on your skin.
Warmth pooled in your stomach, your hips twitching unconsciously. He was so sickeningly sweet —you felt your heart growing more and more fond of him. Your body shuddered once he began lightly nipping on your skin with his teeth, testing the water and bloody hell, it was working. You didn’t even know you were sensitive in that area until now. “K-Kyle…” His name left your lips in the form of a shaky giggle, a bashful smile playing on your lips as you gently tugged on his hair with his fingers, earning a groan from him.
“Fucking hell, lovie…” He huffed, playfully yet lightly biting on your neck, eliciting a surprised squeak from you.
“Kyle!”
“Hush.” He peppered sweet licks on the place he had given you a bite. He pulled his head back slightly, eyes meeting yours once again.
He could feel the subtle tension in your muscles, the mild hesitation that seemed too familiar to him. Maybe you were scared of this softness just as much as he craved it. It wasn’t a bad kind of scared though, he knew that much.
“I have really bad luck with… all this.” He blurted out after a few seconds of silence, brown eyes fixed on yours, filled with vulnerability that he wasn’t reluctant on showing you anymore. He trusted you anyways. “I dunno, lovie. I have been goin’ on with my life thinking that I was just… not lovable at all. Got sick of being so alone all the time, of being left out a-and—” His voice cracked, his lips quickly pursing shut with a subtle hint of embarrassment. Not now, Garrick.
He cleared his throat, licking his bottom lip that suddenly felt dry. “You are the only one who makes me forget about the emptiness in my heart. I mean it. You are the only one who doesn’t make me feel like a fool, lovie… Ever since I met you, ever since we drank a few nights ago, every greeting of yours every morning— Fuck, makes me so warm.”
This was the real Kyle in front of you. You could finally see him beneath the flesh and bones. His words made your heart ache. Him? Unlovable? He was surrounded by the wrong people then because nothing in him could ever make him unlovable.
“It’s okay. I am also… not very good at all this.” You mumbled, unable to suppress a soft giggle from escaping your lips. Idiots, you both were. “And… don’t think that you are unlovable.”
Kyle nodded and pressed one more quick kiss on your lips, his heart hammering against his chest fast at your words, his hands fiddled with the hem of your pajama shirt, his fingers aching to lift it up. “Can I…?” He asked, his eyes focused on you so intently, as if trying to memorize your very soul.
With a nod from you, he gently eased your shirt off you, sliding it up your head before putting it on the couch behind you. His breath hitched once his eyes landed on your bare torso, lips parted in awe. Pretty. Prettiest.
You looked away in embarrassment, realizing that you weren’t wearing a bra. You didn’t know that someone would be there in the balcony when you had gone out for fresh air — that someone being Kyle. You wanted to say something, but your thoughts were cut off when you felt both of his hands gently caressing your breasts, sizing them up while his fingers dug in your soft flesh, causing your breath to hitch and body to tense up.
“Relax, lovie… Tell me if you don’t want it.” He pressed a kiss on your cheek, smiling warmly at you. Kisses, kisses, kisses — he had given you so many kisses already, made you feel so special. And now this. All the earlier stress from work today, all the bad memories just seemed to wash away as his hands lovingly fondled your breasts.
You took a few deep breaths, feeling your muscles relax. “Okay… Okay.” You nodded, nibbling on your bottom lip as your eyes watched him, his thumbs gently brushing against your nipples that had begun to harden up under the sweet attention that he was giving to your chest. A little squeak left your lips when his thumb pressed against your right nipple gently, your sensitivity causing you to accidentally buck your hips forward.
“Woah there…” He chuckled teasingly, pulling his hands away from your chest before he held onto your hips gently, keeping them still. You grumbled at how he was getting amused at every embarrassing thing your body was doing.
Kyle was truly taking pleasure at the little twitches in your body, and as much as he wanted to take you right this very second, he wanted to be patient, to gently coax you into fully relaxing. Only then was he going to fuck you. He gently lowered his head, ignoring the way his back was leaning forward in a somewhat awkward manner, his lips gently brushing against your right nipple.
“Can I?” He whispered, looking up at you from this angle, watching the way your brows were furrowed and lips were slightly parted, your head nodding too quickly. He slowly latched his mouth to your nipple, his tongue caressing the soft bud with care. You moaned softly, your fingers going to his head once again, clinging onto his hair.
He took his time sucking on both of your nipples, hands never leaving your hips. Each swirl of his tongue around on your sensitive skin caused you to shiver, chest rising and falling with each breath you took. Once your nipples were all wet and swollen, he began peppering gentle kisses on the softness of your breasts before eventually pulling his head back, licking his bottom lip in delight.
“You have no idea what you're doin’ to me, lovie…”
He slowly eased you off his lap before laying you down on the ground, making sure that the fluffy pillows you both were seated on earlier were now resting underneath you. Once he got on top of you, kneeling in between your legs, he slowly began to press soft kisses on your belly, his hands holding onto your hands. He smiled against your skin once he felt your fingers lacing with his, his lips trailing a line of kiss down to your belly button before resting on top of them hem of your pajama trousers.
“Can I, lovie?” He groaned softly while pressing kisses on your waist line, wanting to make sure that you wanted this as much as he did. He was kissing on a particular ticklish spot of yours, causing you to squirm and laugh shyly.
“Fuck— yes. Yes, Kyle…” You whimpered out in between your soft giggles, your fingers slowly leaving him once he pulled his hands back. He slowly tugged your pajamas down, sliding them off your ankles and socks-cladded feet. His eyes fell onto the pair of panties you wore, a wet patch visible on them. His heart bloomed with fondness at how adorable you looked like this, all flushed and squirmy, visibly needy.
His thumb brushed over the wet spot, gently outlining your folds from the fabric of your dampening panties. Your hips twitched, your hands desperately holding onto your breasts since they didn’t know what else to hold onto. His other hand gently fondled your thighs before reaching to slide your panties down, tossing them aside.
“Holy fuck…” He breathed out in awe once his eyes fell onto your glistening cunt. It was so fucking gorgeous, his lips trembling a bit. Fuck, how did he get so lucky? He looked at you to make sure you were okay, noticing how you looked so fuzzy with pleasure, an excited smile adorning your lips.
“Kiss…” You whined out softly, hands reaching forward, aching to hold his face. He chuckled under his breath and nodded, gently leaning down to press his lips against yours while your hands cupped his face, his tongue finding yours. While he kissed you passionately, his fingers reached down to gently caress your wet folds, sliding his fingers up and down your cunt. Your whimpers were sucked in by his mouth, your eyes fluttering shut as your hands held onto his face dearly, your hips bucking forward to somehow get more contact with his hand.
He slowly pulled away from the kiss, his other hand going in between your legs too. His thumb cautiously brushed over your clit, feeling it pulsate and twitch underneath. God, just how needy were you? It was adorable, causing him to smile affectionately, his thumb beginning to rub your clit in circular motions. A breathy moan left your lips, your hand coming to cover your mouth because what if your noises are just so damn annoying to him? But the glare he shot you after that made you uncover your mouth once again. “No need to hold in your noises.” He grumbled softly.
You nodded sheepishly, your body struggling to stay still as his thumb continued to rub your sensitive clit, his finger gently coming to circle your entrance, feeling how warm it was. “Can I push my fingers in?” He asked softly, leaning down to press a peck on your forehead. You nodded, taking a few deep breaths to relax your muscles.
He started with one finger, gently sliding it into your tight entrance with surprising ease, probably due to how wet you were. Your walls tightened around his fingers as he gently began to rub it inside you, his thumb continuing to mindlessly fondle with your clit.
“Mmh… Kyle…” You let out a soft moan, eyes glossy due to how good it felt, your nerves feeling tingly — in a good way.
“Want more?”
“Yes—!”
Kyle slowly eased in another finger inside you, and soon one more. He couldn’t help it, you were being so good for him. He gently began thrusting his three fingers in and out of your tight cunt, stretching you nicely, his thumb never stopping from giving your needy clit some attention.
Your eyes rolled back, lips parted as your hips gently bucked back and forth in sync with his fingers. His fingers were rubbing against the sweet spongy spots inside you, causing your face to contort in pleasure. Even your own fingers couldn’t make you feel so good.
It wasn’t long until you felt your walls tightening up around his fingers, breathing getting shaky as your mind became blurry. “S-So close…! P-Please— Need it, need it.” You mindlessly babbled, almost sobbing out once the wave of pleasure hit you hard, warmth bursting in your stomach as your climax hit you hard, your body squirming. Kyle’s eyes were wide with adoration, his fingers slowly down but never stopping, letting you ride your orgasm out while his eyes looked down at the sweet, sticky white cum on the base of his fingers — your cum.
“Fuck… You are so good f’me, lovie.” He eased his fingers out of your pretty cunt, leaning down to gently kiss your chin, your teary eyes fluttering open to look at him. He smiled at you before gently putting his wet fingers in his mouth, lips nicely closing around his fingers as his tongue licked your cum off them. Your eyes widened in a mixture of surprise, arousal and embarrassment. He was actually licking your cum.
He savored the bittersweet taste before pulling his fingers out of his mouth, grinning cheekily at you. “Tastiest thing I ever tasted.” He commented, earning a gentle swat on his arm from you.
“Cheeky bastard…”
“You know I am.” He cooed before slowly sliding his hoodie off his head, revealing his nicely muscular torso.
You gawked at him, a tiny gasp leaving your lips as your eyes roamed over his upper half, looking at his smooth skin that was adorned with some little scars here and there, a bigger one staring from his waist and probably leading to his back. He's pretty.
He noticed your reaction, the cheeky grin never leaving his lips. He knew that he was good looking enough, and the fact that you find him attractive as well somewhat boosted his confidence even more — in a very good way.
Your hands gently reached up, caressing along the small scars on his shoulders before moving to rest against his muscular chest. “You look nice…” You finally managed to gather some courage to compliment him, all the anxiety just melting from your body. Your thighs were still trembling, the wetness continuing to pool in between your legs. Your eyes looked down, catching a glimpse of light happy trail leading down to his sweatpants and them— Holy fuck. You felt your mouth water once your eyes landed on his sweatpants, a visible erection visible there that you seemingly hadn’t noticed before. Your mind blanked out for a few seconds before you quickly looked back at his face, catching him staring at you with a knowing gaze.
“Do you want me, lovie? Want me in you?” He asked, tone a bit firm yet gentle at the same time — highlighting how he truly cared about you. He didn’t want to fuck you if you didn’t want it. You nibbled on your bottom lip for a few seconds, staring at him with a hazy gaze as you thought over his question.
Did you want him? Oh fuck. So much.
“Yes… But I-I don’t want this to be a one time thing.” You responded in a meek voice, causing his eyes to soften up.
“Trust me. Gonna take ya out on lots of dates after this, I promise.” He whispered, words full of sincerity. With one final kiss on your lips, he slowly tugged his sweatpants down alongside his briefs, not bothering to keep them. He tossed them aside before gently resting back in between your legs.
His cock was so hard, precum already sliding down his length. He was nicely sized with a big length and an even better girth. It would probably destroy you if you weren’t so wet right now.
He paused for a while, brows furrowing as he looked around. “Don’t have a condom, fuck.”
“I’m on pills.” You reassured him. It was true that you were on pills, despite having barely anyone to hook up with. Maybe you were just waiting for someone, someone like him — someone that reminded you of the sunset with how warm they were, somehow who eased the storm inside your head. He was just so perfect in every way, and he didn’t even know it. Fucking evil.
Kyle nodded, gently spreading your legs apart with his hands, his fingers kneading into the soft flesh of your thighs, massaging your muscles. “Gonna fuck you so nicely, lovie. I promise I will.” He said, words dripping with genuine warmth. He slowly pressed the tip of his cock in front of your swollen clit, nudging it — like a kiss. He began rubbing your clit with the tip of his cock, his hand gripping the shaft to keep his throbbing erection still. You let out a breathy sigh, melting into the pillows beneath you while he continued to tease you.
“Kyle, please…” You groaned shyly, voice laced with mild frustration and overwhelming need. You needed him in you, to feel his skin against yours so you could assure him of how lovely and special he truly is — a fucking gem in the rough battleground he had to face so much.
Kyle nodded, eyes glinting at amusement at your pleas as his hands moved up to gently hold onto your waist, aligning his cock in front of your entrance. “Ready?”
With one final nod from you, he gently began pushing the tip of his cock in your tightness, a blissful groan leaving his lips as he wetness engulfed him slowly. He made sure to look at your face for any signs of discomfort from the stretch, because fuck it was a lot. He found none and that was the green light for him to slowly push his cock in, inch by inch, until it was nice and snug in your tight cunt, some of his public hair tickling your skin.
“You okay?” He asked, one hand reaching up to gently brush some of your hair off your forehead which was a bit wet from sweat now, placing a kiss in between your brows while you nodded.
“Mmph—… So good…” You slurred out, feeling so full with his cock all stuffed in you. Your hands made their way to rest on his back as he leaned down on you, your fingers rubbing gently on his nape. “L-Like you a lot, Kyle. Don’t want you to think that you are not loveable… O-Or that you are a fool. You are so perfect in my eyes…” You fumbled on your words in the midst of the pleasurable haze, though your words were as genuine as they could — your heart speaking to him.
Kyle’s heart skipped a beat at your words, his brown eyes softening up. Fuck, you’re just so sweet, filling his empty heart. He smiled to himself and nodded, pressing soft kisses on the tip of your nose, causing you to let out a heartful giggle. He chuckled alongside you, rubbing his nose against yours affectionately before he slowly began to thrust his cock in and out of your tightness, his right hand clasping onto your waist again while his other hand moved in between your legs, thumb resuming to gently play with your sensitive clit.
His thrusts were gentle and paced nicely, not too agonizingly slow and not too fast. This was all to give you pleasure, to show how you had made your way into his heart so easily. He rested his head in the crook of your neck while your fingers gently dug into his back, not too hard to leave any marks. Breathy, blissful moans left your lips while a smile adorned your lips — just refusing to go away.
You could hear his soft groans echoing in your ears, his lips peppering kisses on your earlobe and down your jaw. Your skins were pressed together, making everything so humid as he kept a steady pace, the tip of his cock gently slamming against your cervix, causing your toes to curl up. His girth rubbed against your spongy sweet spots just perfectly, making you literally swoon while your eyes struggled to keep open, mind fogged with this feeling that was making you melt into mush.
“So tight— lovie. So perfect and warm f’me…” He breathed out, thumb sliding up and down your sweet clit as he hips moved alongside yours, skin gently slapping with one another. His musk mixed with yours, alongside the perfume that he had worn earlier, making his head spin.
You couldn’t stop a tear from escaping your eyes, your sniffle catching Kyle’s attention as he pulled his head back from your neck to look at you, your eyes all teary. “Feels too good?” He asked, kissing the tear away as you nodded, whimpering softly as your lips quivered.
“Never felt so good before…”
“Me too.”
A familiar pressure began building up in your lower abdomen once again as he continued playing with your bundle of nerves, cock continuing to thrust in and out of your cunt, balls smacking against your skin. “Close…” You mewled out, the pressure feeling stronger than before as your fingernails dug into his back, your legs wrapping around his waist, pulling him as close as you could, your movement causing the swollen tip of his cock to hit your cervix once again, causing your mind to go all white as your orgasm hit you once again, your body convulsing in pleasure as you cried out meekly, his cock coaxing you to ride your pleasure out while your folds fluttered around him. a white creamy ring made its way on his shaft, which was your doing. Your brain felt so foggy, body lightheaded and relaxed as he pressed soft kisses on your cheeks.
“Good God… Such a perfect thing ya are, cummin’ on my cock. Can I cum in you, lovie?” He grunted, his own orgasm approaching as his thrusts got a bit sloppy from the wet mess you created, his cock throbbing inside your tight walls. You nodded breathlessly and his balls tightened almost immediately, his orgasm hitting him in waves as thick ropes of cum spurted out of his cock, painting your insides white.
He didn’t pull his cock out once his thrusts slowed down before coming to a stop, his hands sliding up to cup your face lovingly, looking at how pretty you looked after being fucked, letting himself relish the way you were wrapped around his cock. An adorable mess actually.
“Kyle…” You shyly smiled at him, eyes half open while your hands moved to hold onto his shoulders, your body feeling so damn sensitive.
After a few more minutes of just basking in your warmth, Kyle slowly pulled his cock out of you, some drops of thick cum sliding down your cunt. It made him want to fuck you again, but he didn’t want to tire you any more than you already were.
“Let’s get you cleaned up…” He slowly got up on his feet and searched for your bathroom in the apartment, coming back after a few minutes with a pair of wet towels. He began cleaning your body, which was still trembling in pleasure — the towel gently gliding against the skin and in between your legs, cautiously cleaning your inner thighs.
“Pillows got dirty.” He cheekily mumbled, causing you to pout and look at him lazily.
“You will clean it… S’your fault.”
“Fine.”
After he was done cleaning you up, he gently eased you up on your feet, leading you into your bedroom, his hands carrying both of your clothes and putting them to the side, tossing the towel in the laundry — already memorizing each corner of your apartment.
He went to the bathroom momentarily to quickly clean himself up before he came back, guiding you to gently lay on your bed, your hand grabbing his wrist. “Stay with me…” You tiredly giggled, mustering up as much strength as you had to pull him on the bed too.
Kyle’s heart almost exploded in his chest at your words, his breath hitching as he looked at you in awe before nodding. Not bothering to wear any clothes, you both slid into the covers, his arms wrapping around you while your head neatly tucked into your neck, one leg hooking around his waist. “Sleep well, lovie… Gonna be here with ya when ya wake up.” He promised, placing a soft kiss on the side of your head as he felt your breathing calming down, your body and mind soon entering a state of peaceful slumber — probably the best sleep you had in months.
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You never put a label on your relationship with Gaz. It was definitely not casual — something more for sure, especially with the blossoming feelings in your heart that could be described as nothing but romantic. Love, even. You didn't know what properly being in love felt like, maybe whatever this was that you felt towards him. He had taken you out for a date to an amusement park before he had to go for his deployment. A date. It meant something to both of you, right?
“Only three weeks, lovie. Promise I’ll be back soon.” He said softly while standing in front of your front door as he prepared to leave, reassuring you even though he had spent the whole last weeks cuddling you and trying to tell you that it will be quick. Your eyes were all teary, mind overwhelmed with anxiety because you had no idea how the whole thing even works. You just prayed that he would come back safe.
You nodded at him, handing him a box of cookies you had baked for him after hours of watching tutorials. “For you…” You sheepishly mumbled, wiping the tears that had formed in your eyes.
Kyle gratefully accepted the box before pulling you in a tight hug, smothering your face up with kisses. “I’ll be back before you know it.”
Fuck three weeks. It had been five. You had stopped receiving messages from him after the two week mark, and all you felt was nauseous from how anxious you felt, hearing the loud beating of blood in your ears while your stomach uncomfortably twisted.
It wasn't until this morning that Kyle had finally texted you with a “Coming today.” — so painfully dry in comparison to his other messages but you could only rationally conclude that something must have happened in the mission. You were frustrated, yes, but that was just a result of being so overwhelmed for the past five weeks.
It was raining heavily today, the sounds of the rain sliding against the glass of your window alongside the muffled thunder somewhat soothing your nerves.
Though for Kyle, the rain was a mess. His flight had just landed an hour or two ago, and now he was at the base. The traffic was fucking jammed around the area, and his teammates couldn’t give him a ride home too because one of the SUVs had to go for repairing. Just his bloody luck. He didn’t want to keep you waiting anymore, he couldn’t. Not after everything he had gone through in this mission.
Blood was dripping down Kyle’s forehead as he struggled to maintain his vision, hiding behind a wall while gunshots roared behind him. The enemies had outnumbered them badly, and he had to hide here until more of the team arrived.
He didn’t want to die. God, not here, not now. Not after just figuring out so much about himself, not after just meeting you. Oh, you. You were there, waiting in your apartment. And fuck, he was so late. He had said three weeks, but it had been four starting today.
Wasn’t his fault though, even though it felt like one. They had gained new intel on the enemy last minute after what felt like a failed mission, and they knew that they couldn’t leave it.
God, he was terrified. It wasn’t often that he felt true fear. But he felt it now, only because he didn’t want to leave you alone, not at least without telling you how he felt about you. To expressing his undying feelings for you, to—
His thoughts were interrupted by the loud thunderclap, a groan leaving his lips. Slowly but surely, he made up his mind. He was going to run over to the apartment complex. It wasn’t that far away from here and he had enough stamina, plus he didn’t give a fuck about the heavy rain.
With his duffel bag in his hand, he sprinted out of the base, legs carrying him towards the streets. His blue cap was soaking, barely covering his face or providing him some sort of cover as he ran and ran through the slipper pavement, ignoring the ache in his head that was a result from the wound he gad gotten, although not fatal but still painful, a bandage now place on the sidre of his forehead.
Eventually reaching the apartment complex you both lived in, he breathed heavily, standing outside the building, not caring about being all wet. Still, hopefully nothing inside the duffel bag was ruined. He sent you a quick text, asking you to meet him outside.
You had rushed out of the apartment building as soon as you got his text, heart beating fast due to the sudden rush of adrenaline, a jacket hastily put on you while you held an umbrella. Your eyes looked around the foggy street before you spotted him, a big smile coming on your lips.
“Kyle!” You gasped in pure excitement, carefully making your way over to him. Though as soon as he saw you, he dropped his duffel back and rushed over to you, his arms pulling you in fast and tight, causing the umbrella to drop from your hand and fall onto the ground.
“Lovie! G-God, fuck… So sorry for leaving you… So sorry—” His voice cracked as he fumbled out every explanation he could form, his mind already overwhelmed at the sight of you. God, he missed you so much. His arms were wrapped around you tight, facing burying into the crook of your neck, feeling the familiar scent cloud his senses and calm him down.
“Kyle… It’s okay. Hey, s’okay…” You mumbled softly, still a bit confused though he could explain it all later. Right now, all that mattered was him. “We are gettin’ wet, we should— Wait, is that a bandage? Are you ok—”
But before you could finish your sentence, his mouth had already found its way to yours, kissing you gently. Your eyes immediately fluttered shut, your hand reaching up to gently take his cap off his head and hold it as you kissed him back, both of your arms wrapping around his neck while his hands held your waist.
The rain fell on both of you, your clothes clinging to your skin while a cool breeze brushed past you both. But he was already lost in the taste of your lips, and the feel of you in his arms. For the first time, Kyle felt like he was worth something, like he was not alone anymore. That he's loved.
He gently parted from the kiss, whispering gently into your ear, words that made your heart swell up in affection that you didn’t know you were capable of feeling.
“I love you, lovie.”
And God, you loved him too. More than anything.
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litnerdwrites · 1 month
Text
Justice for Nesta recs (AO3)
Most, if not all, of these recs are in the Justice for Nesta/ ACOSF rewrite/fix-it vein. It will be updates as I find more fics, but feel free to send any recs you have.
TRIGGER WARNING! Many of these fics will be very dark, with references to suicide, ptsd, misogyny, and IC BS. However, I'll be sure to add specifics where applicable.
Fics For Those Craving Nesta JusticeI put all the fics I found into one collection on AO3 that, as the title suggests, are for those craving Nesta Justice. Please read the relevant tags for each fic, as many of them contain reference to PTSD, SA (both past referenced and in story), and general IC BS.
I'll also list every fic in this collection bellow, just to keep them all in one place. Feel free to also add your own finds or works if you have any. The collection is open, but moderated.
Those the Stars Cannot Hear by @kataraavatara An ACOSF rewrite where Mor makes good on her threat to leave Nesta in the CON.
Baby, now we got bad blood by Pumpkinspice_Lou They say you should never come between a male and his mate. Rhysand should've known better. Aka Cassian finally choosing Nesta. Completed two-shot.
A Court of Vice and Victors by Wishcamper Acosf rewritten by a therapist. Need I say more? Incomplete.
You Made Her Like That By BookWorm77071 A few days into their Hike from Hell, Nesta is able to form one coherent thought: I don't want to do this anymore. So she stops. Three chapter short story. Completed.
Nesta becomes a baby by Theladyofbloodshed Exactly what the title says. Oneshot.
A Court of Tangled Flames by Theladyofbloodshed A Neris fic where Nesta gets the love story she deserves.
ACOTAR snippet collection by Theladyofbloodshed A collection of Acotar what ifs.
Nesta vs. The Buffer by Theladyofbloodshed After Nesta finally snaps at another 'family' dinner, calling Cassian and Mor out on their shit, she begins to heal and fall in love on her own terms. With a certain shadowsinger. Completed. Nezriel fic. Anti IC but they kind of redeem themselves at the end. Completed.
AU Where We Pretend Acosf Didn't Happen by Theladyofbloodshed An alternative take to ACOSF, starting from post ACOFS. Nesta ends up leaving Velaris, starting herself on a journey of self discovery and healing. TW Beron Vansera, implied/referenced SA, IC being assholes.
Nightmare Dressed Like A Daydream by This_Immortal_Hope Nesta was a wolf. So, much like a wolf, she bided her time, accepting her exile with ice in her and determination in her heart. When she was ready, she tore their Court of Dreams apart with their own hypocrisy. One shot. No ship. Rhysand is thoroughly put in his place. Oneshot.
Second Chances by miryamdev Cassian apologises to Nesta after the HOFAS bonus chapter.
A trick of the light by closet_monster There was nothing condemning about madness or paralyzing fear. Nesta was familiar with both — they seemed to be a recurring theme in both womanhood and life in Hewn. Oneshot. TW Depression, self harm, and implied abuse. Please double check the tags before reading.
Burn for Eternity by rosemai Nesta is defeated and broken down by the words of her sisters and the IC, so she takes matters into her own hands and meets a group on individuals who could give her the help she needs. Incomplete.
Nesta's Truth by grovellingboyfriends After another year of leaving Nesta alone, Cassian finds Nesta in her apartment on Solstice, standing over a dead man. TW for implied SA, parental abuse, Elain is a bitch. 3/5 chapters published as of making this post.
Daylight by Flowerflamestar Nesta Archeron, banished and betrayed, ran from cold and hatred straight into the light of Day and found a place where she could belong. Completed.
Might I Suggest You Don't Fuck With My Sis by MacabreGiggles The intervention rethought, where the Archeron sisters decide to stand up for one another and put the IC in their place. Incomplete.
I died. I will die. It's alright. I don't mind. By MacabreGiggles Nesta resorts to other means to cope, like drugs. Incomplete. TW. Abuse. Alcolism. Suicide. Sexual assault. Drug abuse.
The Veil of Silence by Hrizantemy There exists a veil of silence, it shrouds our voices masking our truths, muffling our cries, our voices are muted, and dreams whispered. Incomplete.
You're a crisis of my faith by porque_nolosdos Nesta and Elain leave the NC, and upon seeing the IC's reaction, Feyre decides to ditch them too. Incomplete.
A thousand cuts by adelindschade It finally clicks for Cassian just how badly Nesta was hurting (it only took three TW suicide TW attempts), so he decides to try thinking of what Nesta would want. This decision leaves a ripple effect that will change the NC as we know it. Incomplete.
The consequences of normality by TheTeaQueen After the events of ACOSF, things seem relatively normal. Until Cassian realises that Nesta doesn't ask for things, or that self hatred still grips her, or the facade she puts on for her family. When she starts cutting back on training and work in the library, he begins to worry. Maybe things aren't as perfect as he thought. Maybe their methods in helping her weren't as effective as he thought. Incomplete.
Three little words by TheTeaQueen Cassian finally says those three little words that Nesta needed to hear. Oneshot.
Like fire, she raged by TheTeaQueen Emerie stands up for Nesta and puts Rhys and Feyre in their place. Completed.
Of Death and Resurrection by TheTeaQueen Part 1 of In the name of healing and happiness. Nesta was ready to die. So to save Feyre and Nyx, she did. Can Rhysand, the only person who can save her, bring her back from the brink? Completed. TW Implied suicide, rape/sa, anti Elain.
Of Shadows and Light by TheTeaQueen Part 2 of In the name of healing and happiness. Technically more of a Gwynriel fic, but does have some Nessian since it follows the aftermath of Of death and Resurrection, only Azriel, Gwyn & Elain are the main focus. Ties up a lose thread or two from part 1, and is 100% Anti Elain. Completed. TW Implied child abuse, implied suicide, torture.
Of Reopened Wounds and Retribution by TheTeaQueen Part 3 of In the name of healing and happiness. A trip to the human lands to discuss the treaty leads Nesta to face Thomas Mandray again. This time, she has family willing to go to hell and back for her. Incomplete. TW Implied rape/sa, panic attack.
Lady Death and Her Kingdom by TheTeaQueen Amren pushes Nesta too far, causing her to awaken a strange new power. TW Implied child abuse. Incomplete.
The Hike, Alternatively by TheTeaQueen An alternative take on The Hike from Hell, where Nesta attempt to TW commit suicide TW, and Cassian realises just how messed up their methods, and the events leading up to the hike are. Written for Suicide prevention month. Completed. TW Self harm, suicide, The Hike.
To Pay a Debt by TheTeaQueen When Nesta sees that Feyre didn't include her in any of the paintings, she does the only thing she can think of; Run. Incomplete. TW, attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts, mentioned sa.
Burning from the Inside out by TheTeaQueen An au where Nesta's secretly lived with Chronic pain her whole life, only for the cauldron and her new powers to exacerbate it. Complete. TW Implied/referenced child abuse, suicidal thoughts, ableism, internalised ableism.
The Whole Truth by TheTeaQueen An alternative take where Nesta's deepest secret comes to light when Elain explodes at the dinner table one night. This forces the IC and her sisters to reevaluate their perception of her. Incomplete. TW: Child abuse, suicidal thoughts/ideation, forced prostitution, sexual assault (underage!!)
Set my Soul Alight by moodymelanist Nesta finds solace in Autumn. No Nessian. Completed. TW Implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced rape, implied/referenced torture.
Falling by becauseofreading Another take on what happens after Cassian tells Nesta that everybody hates her. Incomplete. TW Self harm, suicidal thoughts, blood and injuries.
Destruction and Renewal by Vorbi Nesta is given the opportunity to form new alliances. Initially, she scoffs at the idea, but after a small, final act of disrespect from the IC, she decides to see where this new path leads us. Incomplete. TW Implied/referenced abuse.
No One Likes A Mad Woman by Separatist_Apologist You made her like that. Nesta has had her choices tripped away, so when Eris offers her an out, she takes it. No happy ending for Cassian. The Night Court gets no sympathy. Completed. TW Domestic violence
A Cup of Tea by shaziskhalid After realising that the Cassian of her dreams isn't the Cassian she's mated to, everything changed. (MCU! Wanda, modern Au). Incomplete.
Promise by Daughterofthesea Begins during that scene where Cassian follows Nesta, and ends with him understanding just how much pain she's in, and deciding to actually help her.
Stay here (I love you, but I need another year) by littleplease Nesta is tired, and losing the will to even try. Complete. TW Apathy, depression, vuage suicidal thoughts.
What you did to me (I'll spend my life trying to rise) by filthymouthedslut Nesta is done with the IC's holier-than-thou attitude. No ship. Incomplete (3/4) as of updating this post.
Everybody hates you by Booksandsushi A different take on the time Cassian tells Nesta that Everybody hates her. Incomplete.
Change is good by Booksandsushi Nesta figures her life out on her own. Complete.
Truth of the Heart By TheFreakPanda The months after ACOFAS leave Nesta presented with some new opportunities. Full of therapy and dancing. Completed.
I've Always Liked to Play with Fire by catalyste After her village is destroyed and family killed by Hybern following Feyre's revenge mission, you wake up healed in the NC. After Lucien leaves you there, you find yourself trapped with Nesta Archeron, who turns out to be an unlikely ally. The two of you plan your escape with the help of Eris Vansera. Polly, Neris/reader, with IC bashing, and dragons. Incomplete.
The relapse by Janes_Melodies Something broke in Nesta when she learned about the results of the vote, knowing it was a tie until Feyre. She was trying for her sisters and for Cassian, yet they still think she's cruel enough to create a whole new trove just to kill them all. For the first time in months, she gave into her desires. Incomplete. TW Alcoholism, Implied/referenced self harm, suicidal thoughts.
You're safe now by annieleonhardtsring Rewrite of the scene where Nesta falls down the stairs, and Azriel stands up for her. Complete.
Love her how she should be loved by julemmaes Cassian overhears his family making some not-so-subtle comments about Nesta, and it pushes him over the edge. So he goes to bat for her, blaming his friends for everything wrong with their relationship with his girlfriend. Modern AU completed.
The Nest World - The Next Life by bat_called_phil ACOSF canon divergence fic that starts with the intervention, but diverts when Nesta takes a stand for herself, and Feyre starts holding Rhys accountable. TW Implied/referenced suicide, Implied/referenced abortion.
A Court of Spite and Isolation by xxTAO Nesta choses the human lands, separated from the IC and the distractions from her trauma, she spirals. Incomplete (4/6) TW Suicidal thoughts, Implied/referenced alcoholism, Suicide attempt.
Come Home by Rhysanoodle Cassian learns how Nesta's been living since she came to Illyria, and which fears haunt her the most. Complete.
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jasmines-library · 5 months
Note
hi!! I’ve been going through a lot and needed something for comfort pft so I was wonderinf of you can do a batfam x suicidal!reader?? like hurt/comfort thank you!!
One Step at a Time
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Note: Hello my lovely, I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling right now, I hope that things get better soon, please remember that you are loved. My DMs are open of you ever need anything.
Warnings: Self harm, depression, suicidal thoughts, swearing. Please read with caution as this contains heavy themes.
Word Count: 1.2K
⛤ BATFAM MASTERLIST ⛤
It had gone unnoticed for a while. And that was in no way the Vigilantes’ fault. You had tried to keep it that way, burying your emotions deep beneath the surface so that they only appeared when you were alone.
You weren’t even sure when you started to feel this way, perhaps it was a failed mission or perhaps it was something unrelated, you didn’t know, but the thoughts and feelings never left. They grew like weeds in a brick wall, slowly burying themselves deeper into your mind and hacking away at your foundations until they began to crumble. No matter how much you tried to ignore them they wouldn’t leave as they screamed at you that ‘you weren’t good enough’ that you were ‘worthless’ and ‘didn’t deserve anything’. There were hundreds and thousands of thoughts that ricocheted across your mind so quickly that they left you completely drained and disorientated. And then came the other feelings…
You couldn’t help it. You had tried to, but the flood of emotions became too much and you resorted to finding ways to release it that you hoped the others wouldn’t notice. So you watched as the razor glinted under the light; a cruel piece of steel doused in red flames that sparked from your skin, not even bothering to hold back the tears that fell heavy down your face and splattered onto your shirt. At first you had told yourself it was a one time thing, but as the thoughts became worse, so did your urge. But the worst part was, you couldn’t help but feel guilty for it. Guilty for how your friends and family would feel when they found out. Guilty for how many times you had thought about just taking your own god forsaken life to make it easier for you and-
At first, you continued with your daily life. You had plastered on a smile and greeted them with a laugh leaving them none the wiser. But you were exhausted now. The lack of sleep from nights spent staring at the ceiling hadn’t helped, and you were struggling to bring yourself to leave your room. Everything began to feel like such an effort and you often pondered over if it was working. You often found yourself laying in bed staring blankly at the ceiling, unaware of time passing. 
Your disappearance hadn’t gone unnoticed. The boys missed your face at dinner. They missed seeing you around the house and they quickly grew concerned when you started appearing less and less. Though you always seemed to have a smile on your face when they saw you, they had noticed that your eyes didn’t quite have that same spark that they usually held. 
One particularly grey evening, you were curled up on your bed when you heard the soft rap of knuckles against the door. It had been a particularly rough day, and you couldn’t bring yourself to move so you knew that it was one of the boys coming to check on you. Neither of them spotted you yesterday either, and their concern was weighing down heavily on them. You didn’t respond. You kept your eyes closed and hoped that they would leave, assuming that you were asleep because you knew the second that you saw one of them that your heart would shatter into a million more pieces. 
“Y/N?” Jason’s voice called out into the darkness as he pushed open the door slowly. You didn’t have your curtains drawn but the dark and foggy night sky kept the room pitch black. Again, you didn’t reply in hopes that he would leave, but you could feel the tears welling up behind your eyes. 
“Kid?” He whispered, pushing the door all the way open and allowing the light from the hallway to flood in. With this he could see your body curled up on the bed. “You okay?”
Silence. Tedious silence. 
“I know you’re awake.” He said. He had heard your uneven breaths. Your stomach dropped, but you still made no move to react to him. 
You heard multiple steps of footsteps approach the bed before it dipped down beside you, which meant that he had his brothers with him. Your heart shattered and you sucked in a ragged breath. 
“You weren’t at dinner.” Tim said. “We thought you might be hungry.”
You heard him place something down on your desk. 
“Where have you been, Y/N/N? No one’s seen you recently.” Dick spoke softly, placing a hand on your back gently. 
You rolled over slowly, pushing yourself up slowly so that your back was against the headboard. They all saw the tear tracks on your cheeks but none of them said anything instead they shared an unspoken glance. 
“ ‘m fine.” You told them blankly. 
“Y/N-”
“I said I’m fine.” You tried to stay strong, but the waver in your voice betrayed you. “You should all go. You probably have better things to do.”
“Tt, why would you think that?” Damian frowned. 
“I don’t know” you shrugged, throwing your head back and feeling the tears welling up again. 
“Talk to us, kid.” Jason said “Tell us what’s up.”
You began to cry again at the tenderness of their thoughts for you, but the guilt built up again. “I- I’m sorry.” 
“For what?”
“I- can’t do it anymore. Everything is just too much.” You explained. 
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… I feel so useless. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere! I just want it all to stop!”
“Oh, Y/N/N…” Jason said, pulling you close to his chest that you continued to cry into. “I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way.”
“I can’t do this anymore. Please…I want it all to stop.”
The brothers shared a worried glance. 
“It will kiddo. It will, we promise.” Dick told you as he reached out to play with your hair. “We’re gonna help you.”
“Dick is right,” Tim told you. “We love you, so, so much Y/N. And we always will. And we’re gonna help you.”
“It might take a little while,” Jason added, “but that’s absolutely okay. What you’re feeling is okay, Y/N, but we’re going to help you until you feel better.”
You nodded hesitantly. 
“We’re going to be with you every step of the way Y/N. The good and the bad, we will always be by your side.” Damian chimed in. 
“You are so, so loved Y/N. We couldn’t ask for someone more perfect in our lives and we’re not going anywhere.”
You sniffled at their comforting words as they worked to calm you. The five of you knew that the process would take some time, but that was okay. They would stand by you for as long as you needed. They would be there for every step forward and step backward that you took to reassure you that they were so impeccably proud of you everyday, and they would be there to remind you that you were so, so loved and that things would get better one step at a time.
Helplines:
If you're in crisis and need to talk right now, there are many helplines staffed by trained people ready to listen. They won't judge you, and could help you make sense of what you're feeling. 
Samaritans (or call 116 123)
SANEline on 0800 689 5652
 CALM on 0800 58 58 58 or CALM webchat service.
There are many more helplines for you to reach out to if you are ever needing someone to talk to.
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darlingmbappe · 1 year
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When We’re Ready [2] | Kylian Mbappé x Fem Reader
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[Part One] [Part Two]
Summary: After months of not getting pregnant, your mental health takes a big hit.
Warnings: SMUT! Minors, leave. Mentions of depression, slight angst, penetrative sex, oral (male receiving), brief self pleasure, cussing, google translated French, badly spell checked. Let me know if I missed anything! — English is not my first language —
Masterlist
The days were colder and the last snow of winter was sure to come any day now. Every morning, Kylian would leave bundled up and ready to train, and you’d stay home – left to your own devices with the same bitter thoughts you've collected over the past seven months. 
Getting laid off in early November seemed like a blessing in disguise, but sitting here in the chill of late February with nothing to do but wonder what the hell was wrong with your body made you realize it was more of a curse than a godsend. Maybe the universe was preparing your schedule for motherhood, you thought – needing time to ready the home for a newborn – time that you couldn't find with a job. But, still you remain jobless and without a child. Alone for most of the day, and sometimes days when Kylian went away.
Seven months seems like it’s too soon to feel this type of dreadful disappointment, especially since you’ve read it takes couples upwards of a year to get pregnant… but when you’ve prayed night after night, thoughts consumed with nothing but babies, listened to your husband raving about when the day finally comes, getting your hopes up just be let down once more… for seven months… it takes its toll. 
You were surprised when you heard a key jam into the front door, a mug full of lukewarm tea clung onto your chest as you watched trash TV in the living room, pajamas buried under the comforter you dragged directly from the downstairs guest room. You watched as Ky walked toward you with furrowed brows. 
“Hey.” His voice was gentle.
 “Hi.” You smile forcefully. “You’re home early.”
He hums and sits next to you on the couch. “Not really… It’s past six.”
When he said this to you, even with his tender tone, he hated how your face dropped with confusion, wondering how you spent your day cooped up in here. Of course he’d noticed your deteriorating emotional strength. He wasn’t so sure how to deal with all of this, also strained from having to pretend to be strong for the both of you. 
He kissed your cheek upon seeing your tears well up, pulling you into his body while you tried to hide your emotion. You laughed a little. “I’m sorry. I don’t know where that came from.”
He rubbed your back in an attempt to sooth you. “Don’t be sorry. It’s okay, mon coeur.”
You pulled yourself together surprisingly quickly, the veil of embarrassment not unnoticed by your perceptive husband, but doing his best to not bring it up and make you more aware of his knowledge. 
He ordered take out while you took a steaming shower, satisfied at the dinner table with a mouth full of chicken fried rice. Conversations flowed innocently, but your heart faltered a bit when you got that notification on your phone from your period tracking app – you were ovulating!
Great.
The distinct chime made your food so dry in your mouth, having difficulty swallowing it. You put your phone face down on the table, pretending you didn't both see and hear it. 
He stares at you for a bit. You’re looking down at your plate, saying nothing, not meeting his gaze – though you felt it. He puts his hand on yours. “Bebe…”
“Stop.” You grumble, avoiding his eye contact. “I’m not in the mood.”
He sighs, clanging his fork a little louder than he intended to in the twinge of frustration. He understood, but he just wished you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. 
In December, you both had visited a fertility clinic to make sure all the gears were working correctly – and they were. It was amazing news that gave you both a fresh drive after months of let downs, but two months and four negative tests harshly dampened that high. You had been pretty hard on yourself, even if Doctor Laclairc said you had a pristine uterus and it just takes longer for some people. 
The noise clattering on his plate caused you to look up, annoyed. Kylian rubbed his temples with his head in his hands, biting the inside of his cheek. 
“What?” You barked. He pursed his lips and shook his head. He was holding back, you could tell. “Just say it, Kylian.”
“What do you want me to say?” He hissed from across that table.
“Whatever you’re not saying right now!”
He takes in a deep breath of air, trying his best to keep his head level. You pointedly stare at him, waiting for something to leave his mouth. He wiped his face with a napkin, tossing it back on the table. “You’re not the only one hurting.” He placed it softly, but you can hear the deep exasperation, emotionally exhausted. It shook you a little, having seen Kylian as a steady rock through all of this. His optimism had carried you through, letting yourself cry in his arms to find comfort. Sure, you knew he felt sad, but he hasn't let you see his devastation in full swing. “Do you think I’m in the mood? I’m not. It’s exhausting.” His eyes were slightly glossy as he expressed himself, voice loud but so unsure. You stare at him, silent. “But, we have to keep trying. I want this. You want this – I know how bad you want this. So, please. Give us a chance.”
His voice was so gentle at the end, emotions soaking every word that left his chest. You dipped your head down, knowing how you'd let your thinned patience steer your words and actions. Kylian never deserved the misguided anger that you let seep through. He’d been nothing but an anchor through these tolling seasons, putting your stability in front of his own.
He gets up out of his chair and slowly walks to yours, kneeling at your side where you sat and stared up at your teary eyes. 
With your hand now taken in his, he places a gentle thumb on your cheek, guiding you to look at him. “It’ll all be worth it.” He confirms, kissing the back of your hand. 
You sniffled, nodding as you turned your body toward him. Your arms wrapped so tightly around his neck and his around your middle. You both breathed in at first contact, some tears falling into the fabric of each other's shirts. The way he grasped you was allconsuming. It was a true embrace that you returned. He just felt like home.
You kiss his cheek, smooching the area until you place one on his lips. Now, holding his face and gazing into him, the strong wall he had built was knocked down. You saw the pain and urgency swirl in his irises. He pecks your lips, letting his hands roam slowly on your back.
You sigh as your lips quivered. All he did was run a thumb over your bottom lip, holding back his own exploding emotions. 
He stood and your eyes followed him now hovering over you, both his hands cradling your face – then the pair of you found yourselves under the covers in your shared bed once more. 
It’s funny. When you first started dating, the infatuation was supernatural. You wondered at the time how you could possibly ever be upset while he had his cock buried inside of you, stare bearing down into your soul with eyes that were made of magma, fingers so curious and ready to please as they got to know the terrain of your body. 
You hadn’t felt the same way about sex in months. It felt like a chore. An obligation demanded by a stupid, inconsequential chime from the app that cost you €2.99 a month. Kylian would have to work himself up half the time and you were just a hole until he filled you up. Aftercare rituals now only consisted of laying still on your back with your feet in the air. An orgasm felt selfish for reasons you couldn’t explain. It’s like you didn’t dare give yourself that primal pleasure because you had convinced your body didn’t deserve it, having failed you over and over again. 
This time, Kylian wanted to wash away the notion that your recent string of bad luck wasn’t caused by one individual or the other. Through his achingly slow actions, he showed you that you weren't just two separate people trying to accomplish a goal; not like when he jerks himself in the bathroom and puts his dick inside of you right before he came. You were together on this. A unified front. Bound to each other for life. 
He praised your weary body, working you up like he used to. Moving at a snail pace, taking his time, dragging his fingers everywhere on your skin. The ‘I love you’’s and the expressions of devotion he mumbled against you flooded your senses. The drag of his member that squeezed against your walls, the inexpressible and constant eye contact, the lost kisses and marks left behind… It was purely and literally making love. He made love to you. You made love to him.
A fortnight passed once more and it was time for your bi-weekly personal hell. Kylian grabbed one of the many pregnancy test boxes from the cabinet in your shared bathroom, opening it for you and setting it next to the toilet – the usual routine. 
He kissed your forehead. “I have a good feeling about this one.” Kylian mentioned with a grin on his face.
“I hate when you say stuff like that.” You mumble walking toward the small toilet room to leave Kylian alone by the his-and-hers sinks. 
He stops you with a hand on your arm. The look on his face was exasperated. “Come on.” He pleads. “Amour, you have to have a little bit of hope. This isn’t how we thought it was going to be like, and I know that. I feel that. But, can you please just… fake it? For me?”
You sigh with a hand on your forehead, then churning out a grin for your husband. “I have a good feeling about this one!” It was a little too enthusiastic. 
He chuckled slightly at how forced your words sounded, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “That was a really good try.” Kiss. “And I appreciate the effort.”
You shake your head with a breathy laugh, but the knot in your stomach stays put, even with the tiny little grin that found its way onto your face without permission.
You’d found the easiest and cleanest way to pee on that stick after doing it so many times. It was generally quick and you didn’t find it gross at all anymore. You set the capped test on the back of the toilet seat and grab some toilet paper. When you stood up, you looked into the bowl before flushing, and the knot in your stomach intensified. 
Kylian leaned against the marble with his arms crossed, looking up at you when you opened the door. “I’ll set the timer.”
You pressed your foot on the trash can pedal and threw the plastic stick inside. “Don’t bother.” You mutter, walking back into the bedroom and throwing yourself on the mattress, body turned opposite of Kylian.
He runs a hand over his scalp, feeling the anger simmering at the surface, letting his feet guide him out of the tiled room. He sees you laying on your side, staring at the wall.
“I don’t know what else to say to you!” He cries out, staring at your back as you curl further into the pillow. “We’re both doing our part. Everyone said it would take time. We knew this would take time! Not everything is going to go our way, but we cannot stop trying. I really need you to start believing we can do this. We can!”
“I can’t, Kylian!” You sob, letting yourself breakdown. This anguish was brutal and completely unforgiving. “I can’t do it.” Your words barely make a sound; calling it a squeak would even be generous. 
His heart breaks and it softens him up a little. He didn’t mean to shout, but everything has just been building and building up inside of him. “Hey…” He coos, crawling on the bed over to your side, holding you apprehensively while you cry into your pillow. He pressed you close to his body when he felt the shaking of your weeps, spooning your figure that jolted in tandem with your cries. “Shh, shh… I know it hurts, amour. I know.”
“Something’s wrong with my body, Kylian. I don’t care what Doctor Laclairc said. She got it wrong. I know she did. I’m so sorry.” 
“No, no, bebe. Nothing is wrong with you.” He squeezes you tighter. “Nothing is wrong with your body. Even if we find out that this isn’t part of our journey, I will never stop loving you. Okay?” His assurance only made you turn into him, burying your face in his shirt, leaving a wet stain in your wake. 
You took a couple of deep breaths in an attempt to calm yourself, only succeeding in halting your wails of sadness, but the tears still fell freely. “I just got my period.” You confess, feeling a wave of shame and guilt once more about your failure to conceive. The bloody toilet paper was a haunting image in your mind. Kylian shuts his eyes and just squeezes you, trying his hardest to make you see that it was okay. “I can’t take this anymore, Kylian, I can’t. I’m so sorry.”
He shakes his head, absolutely wrecked by the sight of your broken down persona. He’d catch you staring off into space, a depressing dullness surrounding what used to be an incredibly compelling aura. You were a shell of yourself for months now; going through the motions of daily life with a dark vail behind your eyes, losing interest in the things that used to make you happy. 
He silently cried, but you felt the drops on top of your head. “It’s okay.” He murmurs in a shaky voice. “We can start trying again in the future. Maybe it wasn’t time for us yet.”
You sob again. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. You’re okay. We’re okay, amour.”
You continue to cry, Kylian finally allowing his tough-guy front drop in this moment of vulnerability. For better, for worse, in sickness, in health, ‘till death parts you from one anothers soothing embrace, you are together through it all.
The months leading up to that next summer were mundane. You’d found another job after coming to the realization that you weren't cut out to be the cute stay-at-home wife, but instead craved some sort of responsibility of your own. Kylian felt like you shouldn’t even have one because he could easily take care of you. Being married, his money was your money, but it was never about the money for you. You needed to dig yourself out of your depression hole sooner rather than later, and a consistent schedule was sure to be a nice addition to the rebuild of your mental health. Thank god for time off, though. Your bosses were huge Mbappé fans (like huge), and you weren’t past milking that for whenever you needed a couple days. You never took advantage of their generosity, but it was nice to know you could. 
Summer in Paris this year had been nice, but Greece had won your heart. Kylian’s cousin’s destination wedding had been planned on a secluded portion of Corfu. The resort was huge and the pair of you were able to sneak away from your usual work duties for two days to attend. The private jet made for an easy travel plan and really any excuse to use it was sufficient enough. 
The last time you’d seen most of Kylian’s family was a year ago – that night you couldn’t keep it in your pants. You had spiraled when you got to thinking about seeing them again a couple weeks ago, pleading with the gods that none of them asked about you and Ky having children. It’s been a little over five months since you decided to put the thought of babies on the back burner. Closing in on half a year and it is still painful. Mentally, you both were prepared to welcome a bundle of joy. The pregnancy books Kylian had picked up were buried deep in drawers you never thought about opening. You’d finally gotten your sex drive back in these months, having to re-learn to separate the pleasurable act with the tedious work of baby making. 
Sometimes you guys used condoms, sometimes you didn’t. Still, your period came and went like clockwork. You still hadn’t erased that little habit of resenting your shedding uterus every month, but you definitely felt like you were making progress. 
“This is nice.” You compliment the outdoor beachfront venue, walking hand in hand with your husband into the reception. 
He looks around. “Yeah, makes me rethink our wedding.”
You scoff. “Shut up! Our wedding was awesome.”
He laughs. “Relax! Jokes, jokes…” He goofily defends, walking you both over to the open bar and ordering you a drink. “Martini?” He double checks. 
“Please.”
He nods, ordering himself a whiskey coke, leaving the young bartender a tip that made his eyes almost pop out of his head.
For most of the night, you had to keep biting your tongue at the waves of people that came up to Kylian and asked for pictures. Sure, they were nice about it, but he was just trying to enjoy himself – and Kylian didn’t like telling people no. Especially not his cousin's friends. Him being whisked away left you clinging onto Ethans side most of the night, finding that Wilfried and Fayza were preoccupied with spending time with the family they didn’t get to see very often.
But, oh, the wandering eyes of a sixteen year old boy threatened to leave you on your own when he spotted a young girl about his age scrolling on her phone with the most bored look on her face. 
“Ethan, no!” You whined as he brushed his suit of any pieces of lint, ready to get up and greet her. “Don’t leave me, please.”
He laughs. “Dude, you can’t keep a lion in its cage.”
You made a stank face at his bad metaphor. “That doesn't even make sense.”
“Ya-huh.” He enunciated back, typical sibling tone. “Me – Ethan – is the lion. Mystery hot girl,” he points, “a gazelle. You – sister in law– cage.”
You roll your eyes, noting to have a conversation with Kylian about his little brother's ego. “This is a family wedding, Ethan.”
“So?”
“So, what if she’s like a distant cousin.”
He makes a grossed out face. “Why would you say that? She is not my cousin.”
“You don’t know that, little man.”
“Don’t call me little man.”
“Aw, is little man embarrassed?” You coo, teasing grin plastered on your face.
“No, shut up!”
“But, you’re an adorable wittle man.” You baby-talk, reaching over and pinching his cheek. He swats your hand away as you laugh at him.
“Stop!” He stands up and smooths out wrinkles. “I’m taller than your husband.” He reminds you. “Little man, my ass.” He scoffs, giving you the middle finger teasingly and secretively in case his family saw the obscene gesture. You discreetly give one back as he walks toward the girl, a flirty pep in his step while approaching her. 
You sigh to yourself, looking around and noticing that you didn’t actually know where Ky was. Last time you checked, the groomsmen had bombarded him with selfies by the DJ booth while he tried to have a conversion with his great auntie. You grab your martini and get up from the fountain ledge you sat on, a little tipsier than you thought you were. You stopped and looked around for him.
“Cute, right?”
You look to your left to wherever that feminine voice came from. A blonde middle aged woman in a red dress stands next to you holding a glass of champagne. 
“Sorry?” You ask, unsure if she was talking to you or not.
The lady points to a table a few yards away – and there he was. Kylian sat talking to some people, a toddler resting on his lap. He had a huge smile on his face, poking at the little girl's cheek to get her to giggle. You grinned at the sight, loving seeing him so happy.
You turn back to the woman to respond when you look down at her dress. She was pregnant. Very pregnant. She tips back her champagne. “Don’t worry. It’s ginger ale.” You nod at her, chuckling a bit. “Kylian’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?”
You turn your attention back to him just as the little girl stuck her whole fist in his whiskey, taking a piece of ice and trying to put it in her mouth. You laugh out loud when he frantically tries to pry her little hand open. Successful, he meets your eye and his smile was radiant and full of life, shaking his head. 
“He’s my husband, actually.”
She looks down at the empty martini glass in your hand. “No kids yet.” Her British accent was thick and assertive. 
You shake your head at the stranger and set the empty glass down on the empty table next to you. You felt a little awkward having this conversation with someone you don’t even know the name of. She must be some extended family or the wife of a distant cousin. She seems kind, but you weren’t big on sharing your personal life with anyone you didn't trust, much less know. Especially since you’ve been with Kylian, what you say affects him. He’s in the under bright spotlight and scrutiny of the public, and if you’ve learned anything while being with a global star, it is that some people will stop at nothing to get a story.
The woman tips back the rest of her ginger ale and sets her glass down next to yours. “Are you guys trying?”
She has an audacious look now that she stands in front of you and it makes you feel unsettled. “I’m sorry?”
The lady laughs a little. “I just wondered if you and Kylian planned on starting a family any time soon.”
You couldn’t stop the bewildered look that now took over your features. “Uh…” was all you could really say. You don’t know this woman, she doesn’t know you. It’s a loaded question and frankly quite bold of her to come up to you and ask. “What?”
“Kids.” She repeated, apparently not caring about the uncomfortable shift in mood. 
You opened your mouth, but had no idea what to say. You stuttered and tried to calm down with a forced chuckle. “What did you say your name was?”
She discreetly huffed.“Scheana Kingsley.” 
Definitely familiar, but you just couldn’t place your finger on it. “Right.” 
She waits. “So… any comment?”
“Hello.” Thank god. Fayza. She put a warm hand on your shoulder, perceptive to how tense you looked with this woman. “Scheana.” Fayza sighed. “Laurence is over by the cheese platters.” You loved how politely she just dismissed her.
The Scheana lady forced a smile at her. “Oh. Thank you.” She waved a hand goodbye with a disappointed breath. “Good talking to you.”
Your mother in law turned to you with a much clearer show of annoyance. You laugh lightly in disbelief. “Scheana Kingsley… should I know her?”
“You probably know about her. She writes for some news-gossip-pop-culture magazine.” She informs you. “Well, calling it news is charitable.”
“Unbelievable.” You scoff, crossing your arms at the revelation. “Who let her in here?”
“She’s married to Laurence over there. We try to keep our distance from them.”
From across the patio, Kylian turns his stare at you and his mother talking. You looked annoyed and frustrated, which made him so nervous. He excused himself from the small talk and speed walked over, thinking he might have to diffuse the situation – or maybe even get a scolding from his mother and his wife. God, he really hopes you two weren’t talking about him.
“My beautiful ladies.” He greets, kissing his mothers cheek then yours. “Everything okay?”
You smile at him. “You been having fun?”
“Yeah. Lot’s of fun.” He looks between the two of you. “You two are good, though?”
“Oh, no, we're fine.” You laugh it off.
“I saved your wife here from a conversation with Scheana Kingsley.” Fayza mentioned.
He shakes his head, scoffing a bit. “That woman… She has ambition, that’s for sure.” Now you remember why she sounded so familiar. Kylian had complained about his thrice removed family member’s new girlfriend a few years back and how she was a pushy reporter for The Paris Culture Magazine. “I’m surprised Laurence has kept her around for this long. What’d she say to you?”
They both turned their attention to you, waiting for you to say something. You shrug, but Kylian noticed the trepidation in your stare. “Nothing, really. Just some weird questions… I don't know.”
Thankfully, Fayza didn’t push it further, but you knew Kylian’s assuring hand on your waist meant that he knew something was up. You hadn’t asked Kylian if he’d shared with his parents that you were trying to get pregnant, but you doubted it. You would have noticed her demeanor change around you, given you saw her quite frequently. Besides, he would have checked with you before sharing that information with anybody.
There seemed to be a pattern occurring with you and Kylian leaving family events early, but the two of you were not only exhausted, but just not having a good time. The drunker the bridal party got, the more confident they felt hounding Kylian for selfies and videos. As for your mood, it was in a steady downward spiral ever since your interaction with Scheana. Just locking eyes, you both understood that it was time to surrender back into your suite. 
He held your hand out of the elevator, swinging your arm back and forth. The pair of you had an overly tipsy pep in your step from the drinks you’d forgotten to count through the night.
“You look gorgeous tonight.” He kissed your cheek, a smirk overtaking his face.
You giggle shyly as he unlocks the door to your room, letting you walk in first. You went directly to the bathroom, your bladder begging for some relief. Kylian wandered in to brush his teeth as you turned the shower on, taking your jewelry off as you let the water warm up. 
Kylian looked at your reflection in the mirror, shirt buttons completely undone. You were dazed. Quiet. He hated that look. He’d seen it take over you for months and finally, you were getting better. 
He spit the toothpaste in the sink. “What’s wrong, bébé?”
“Huh? Oh. Nothing. I’m fine.” You turn your back to him. “Will you unzip me?”
He turns, slowly pulling the tiny zipper all the way down. He kissed the skin where your neck met your shoulder. “Did Scheana say something to make you upset?”
You shrug, taking the dress off and neatly hanging it on the towel rack. “She couldn’t have known. I don’t think she meant any harm.” You hop in the shower, shutting the foggy glass door and let the hot water run over you.
Kylians blurry figure leaned against the other side to continue talking to you. “What’d she say?”
“Just asking questions.”
“About?”
A big sigh leaves you. “Us, I guess.” Kylian listens, knowing you have more to say but are just keeping it bottled up. There was always a clear guide of communication between you two, especially because you were really good at letting things eat you up from the inside. You fiddle with your wet hair and Kylians frame behind the foggy glass stayed put. “She just… It was just weird. She wanted to know if we had plans to have kids anytime soon.” You chuckled, hiding your dejection with the sound. “I didn’t know what to say.”
“That’s not okay.” He indicates. “I’m sorry she badgered you tonight, cherie. She crossed a line.” He sounded a little angry.
“Don’t worry about it, baby. It’s fine.” He opens the shower door, causing you to jolt a little. He steps in, raking his eyes over your naked wet body quickly, and you his. “Yeah, sure, you can join me.” You joke as he reaches for the soap bar.
“It’s not fine.” He discards your dismissiveness, rubbing your shoulders with the foam. “I’m gonna talk to Laurence about that.”
You melt into his touch. “No, really, you don’t have to–”
“I’m going to.” He whispers, kissing your cheek. “No one makes my wife upset and gets away with it.” His hands roamed down your arms. “My hot wife.” His breath tickled your ear. “My sexy wife.” He presses his body to yours, nudging your cheek with his nose until you turn your face, kissing you feverishly. 
You hum involuntarily into his mouth when his tongue decides to poke its way in, hand now feeling you up, tits squished between his fingers.
“Someone’s eager.” You laugh as he forces you to turn around, the hot water beating your back. 
He bites the side of your neck dramatically and you laugh harder, pushing him away playfully – but he pulls you back into his chest, smiling dotingly with you safe between his arms.
“You wanna?” He wiggles his eyebrows.
You made a pensive face, pretending to really think about it. “I could be convinced.”
“Yeah?” 
“Maybe.” You smirk as he bites his grinning lips, hands lowering and squeezing your ass harshly. 
“Do you know how hot you looked in your dress tonight?” He continued feeling you up, dick pressed against your thigh, slowly getting harder by the second. “I swear, I was so close to sneaking off to some empty part of the beach and bending you over. Driving me crazy.”
Your hands ran down the rigid muscles on his chest, feeling electric under his burning stare, hot at the thought of him fucking you out of impulse. “Do I make you feel all hot and bothered?” You ask, his stare is so dark. So needy. You lean in only a little, teasing a kiss on his lips, but never truly meeting their plush touch. “Do you start thinking about what you would do to me? Thinking about touching me? Fucking me?” He growls at your words, tilting his face forward to try and steal a kiss. “Show me.”
He grips the flesh of your ass and pulls you even closer to him, frantically showing you his desire for you with a hungry kiss. Your arms wrap around his neck and he moves his hands upward and begins pawing at your exposed breasts. The steaming water dripping down your entwined bodies made everything slick, slippery, conditions that caused you both to grip to each other's bodies for security.
You reach a hand down and grab his growing cock, pumping it loosely, trying to get him fully erect. A moan vibrates out of his throat as your movements focus on his sensitive tip, thumbing the slit, feeling him grow and stiffen in the palm of your hand.
You kiss down his neck, then move to whisper to him, sultry as ever. “Am I doing something like this when you fantasize?”
He nods under your spell, eyes drooping in pure lust. “Uh-huh. Just like that.”
Gaining control over him, you waddle your bodies back until his back hits the wall. He shivers at the cold tile in the steamy shower, but forgets all memories of the chill when you kiss down his neck, lowering your body on your knees, hands trailing down so slowly, mouth inches from his swinging member. His hips jut forward and it hits your cheek. You follow it with your mouth, letting it graze your lips in passing. The blinking stare and batting lashes almost drew blood on his lower lip from how hard he bit it. 
“Open up, ange.” Angel, he called you, but you were so sinful. On his knees in front of him. Droplets reflecting off your skin from the harsh light. His eyes felt undeserving of seeing you so ready to praise him. It made him feel so mortal, so lucky. He thanked the higher power that brought you to him, feeling an intense desire to take care of you – tend to your every wish.
You took hold of him with a sure fist, darting your tongue out and licking one long strip from his base to his mushroom head, letting your lips wrap around him and sucking to hear his moan. His face scrunched. His skull lulled into the wall.
You took him in your mouth a little over halfway, moving your mouth in tandem with your hand, enjoying the way his cock nudged against the back of your throat continuously to your rhythm.
“Oui, dieu.” God, yes. He fisted the back of your sopping wet hair, pulling you off of him and forcing you to look up at him. “Touch yourself for me, baby.”
You shut your mouth and swallowed harshly. He ran his thumb against your lips, hooking it on your bottom row of teeth, opening you up once more. Your tongue licked the pad of his finger, dipping your hand between your legs and quickly finding your clit. Your brows furrowed and your eyes widened. As the moan slipped from your throat, he placed your face directly back to his throbbing cock. Now, he had control of your movements, using your hair as a handle for his intentions, guiding your mouth up and down his shaft in quick movements. You gagged when he began thrusting concurrently to the tempo he stuffed you into his pelvis, heavy heaves and grunts erupting from his chest.
You gargled and gagged on your own spit and moans of pleasure from your own fingers, tasting the salty precum that dripped from your chin as you harshly sucked off your loving husband. You kept your vision from squinting together as you met his eyes through teary eyelashes. He fucked your face like you hadn’t had sex in years, rough with his actions and getting off on the way you were taking it. 
His dick disappeared inside your mouth swiftly and urgently until he couldn't resist. He stopped thrusting, looking deep into your eyes – mouth still stuffed with him. He pushed his hand, demanding you take every inch of him down your open throat. You choked on him, the muffle of your gagging making him see stars.
You hit his thigh after a few seconds and he pulled his hand away. You gasped for air, noticing for the first time how sore your knees were against the hard tile. He let out a long hiss at the loss of your mouth, watching through heavy blinks as you sat against the opposite wall in the small area – knees red and patterned with the lines from the floor. Your chest moved with your big breaths, smiling and commending yourself for the avidity in Kylian’s eyes. 
With your knees pulled to your chest, you slowly opened your legs, fingers playing with yourself as you made a show of how good you were making yourself feel. His pupils dilated at the way you ran your free hand across your thigh then up your chest, pitching a pulling your nipple with your lip tucked between your teeth. 
He whined – a desperate noise that came up naturally. He reached down to touch himself to the sight of you, pumping a slow fist against himself. His long strokes teased his tip until he shuddered, eye contact non-negotiable. You couldn’t look away if you tried. Your swirling moans echoed in the small chamber – his eyes glued to the way your own fingers stretched and spread your pussy. Your own were attentive to the tug at the nape of his base. Though, you both looked up at the same time, hypnotized by your partners mutual ogling. He steps forward, hand still on himself. You reach for his hand and he helps you up, immediately pulling you by the small of your back into his lips, tongue lapping yours, absolutely famished. 
He had clocked the little ledge in the corner from the second he walked into the intimate shower. He put his hand out behind you so the edge wouldn't hurt you, then used his strength to hoist your slippery skin up onto it. He placed himself between your legs, your back pressed to the wall, the shelf only fitting half of your rear — but it was the perfect height for him to fuck you like he wanted to. 
He lined himself up quickly and desperately spreading your pussy wide open for him, pushing in and dragging out. One long moan came straight from your throat, clinging onto his neck to keep yourself in that same position. 
“Fuck.” He grumbled. “You feel so good.” His pace was deadly, tip poking and poking that spot. It made your eyes cross, resting your damp head on the wall. “Been wanting to do this all night. Merde. Les choses que tu me fais, tu me rends fou.” Shit. The things you do to me. You make me fucking crazy.
You moaned in response, too focused on the way his neatly trimmed pelvis rubbed against your clit every time he pushed inside of you. It felt euphoric. Magical. Goddamn perfect. The only words you could muster out made him giggle through his heaves. “Please don’t slip.”
Your arm knocked over a few shampoo bottles when he buried himself deeply inside of you and stopped – making you borderline scream from how deep he actually was, and this position made everything feel… more.
He groaned so loudly, his mouth in the shape of an ‘O’, and you understood why when you felt him cumming inside of you, hot spurts surely dripping out. You didn't notice him biting your forearm until he let go of it, keeping his mouth against you before turning to look into your eyes. A slightly apologetic look turned cocky when one hand reached for your sensitive nub, rubbing just the way you like it, still inside of you.
“Oh, shit…” You breathed, eyes connected to the way he pleased you. “I’m fucking close.”
“Vulgar tonight, are we?” He teased your language, a tired smirk on his face.
“You just…” you begin, but he shuts you up with a small unprecedented thrust. “Fuck!”
He hisses, not really being able to take the overstimulation, but continuing to push into you sporadically – purly for your pleasure. Thankfully, it didn’t take you long to reach your climax. 
He didn’t need the warning upon feeling your legs give out slightly, pressing against you to keep you on the shelf. They started shaking as your eyes closed, a fierce moan exploding from your wet parted lips. He moved his hips with a contorted face until he felt you calm down, now whining and whispering to the touch of his fingers as they slowed down, pressing down harder on you before disappearing altogether. 
You pat his back lazily and he pulled out of you carefully, setting your wobbly legs on the slippery floor. You’d completely forgotten the shower was on as you watched it drain down. Kylian held your waist steadily, both breathing heavy. He lands two gentle taps on your bum. “Let's not waste anymore water, yeah?” 
The vacation, though brief, was absolutely refreshing. It gave time that you and Kylian needed to feel closer. The offseason couldn’t come soon enough. You didn’t have to revolve around his schedule during those weeks because he was just home already. To you, there was nothing better than coming downstairs at 2pm on a Tuesday and seeing Ky there, drinking orange juice straight from the bottle, or being able to binge a series with him much quicker because he had time for more than just two episodes. By all means, being married to him shouldn’t be easy, and it’s not necessarily that simple… but it should be way harder. Maybe you were just more patient, but you’re almost certain it has everything to do with him. He made time. He made an effort. He tries his damn hardest. How could you possibly hold that against him?
You didn’t notice the way you were staring at him, chin in the palm of your hand, daydreaming about your entire history with Kylian Mbappé – a man with no time to spare, but he damn well made sure you fit in his schedule. 
“Why are you staring at me like that?” He grins, setting down his coffee across the table from you in your shared Parisian home. 
You blink, smiling in embarrassment. “No reason.”
You push some eggs around on your plate. He leans forward. “What were you thinking about?”
You shrug at him, still smiling. “Greece.”
His laugh gave away his fondest memory of that trip. “We gotta do that trip again soon, amour.”
“Yeah, like they’d give you that kind of time off twice within two months.”
His head shakes, snickering at that complete impossibility. “I think they’d send me a fee for even asking.” He looks at the time on his phone. “I should probably get going, though.” He gets up and collects his things.
“Drink lots of water today, okay? It’s supposed to get really hot around noon.”
“Yes, dear.” He drones jokingly, smirking as he makes his way over to you, pecking you quickly. “Love you.”
You squeeze his hand quickly. “Love you, too.”
Now, your separate days begin – his a little earlier than yours, but you still just wanted to envelope yourself back inside the covers. You were thinking about calling out sick, which wouldn't be a complete lie. The scrambled eggs were not sitting right this morning, or maybe it was the Thai restaurant you ate at last night. Either way, you couldn’t remember where you put the Pepto-bismol. The empty space in the medicine cabinet left you wondering if Kylian had drunk up the last bit and hadn’t bought a new one yet.
You maintain your breathing steady to keep yourself from throwing up as you shuffle through the drawers. Praying it was in the last one, you pull it open desperately, but only facing three boxes of pregnancy tests. The rush of everything fell still, the air much quieter as you got flashbacks from last year.
You didn’t let yourself think about it much, but you never really got over not getting pregnant. Mentally and emotionally, you were still there. The pain and devastation got easier to mask, but they stayed with you.
It was time you got over it, or at least lost the fear of not being able to have children... the fear of not being able to provide Kylian with a child. If you kept on being bitter about this whole ordeal, you don't know if you'd ever be in the right headspace to try for a baby ever again.
You stare at the tests and shake your head. “Fuck it.” 
You snatch one from the drawer and beeline to the bathroom, peeing on the stick and thinking about how dumb it was that you had let this trivial little test ruin your for months. This time, you wouldn’t feel the dread collect inside your stomach. It would be okay. It wouldn’t hold power over you anymore.
Immediately walking out, you press down on the pedal of the trashcan and you watch it fall into the bin, feeling proud of yourself for not caring about that little plastic stick or what it had to say about your body. You weren't pregnant right now… and that's okay. 
You sigh, a proud feeling swirling with sadness was still progress. 
“Oh, no.” You mumble, feeling your stomach churn and running back toward the toilet, puking horrifically. It was a bad one. Maybe calling out sick was for the best. Who knows, it could be a stomach bug and contagious… but, unfortunately, you felt a lot better afterwards. 
It was probably best if you went to work. There’s a promotion you’ve been chasing and you had just taken those days off for the wedding last month. Trudingly, you got ready to leave the house, rushing a bit since you hadn't realized how late in the morning it was. 
Thank god you went. It was a hectic day; some project deadline wasn’t met and, for some reason, people turned to you for the solution. You were still relatively new at the company, but today, you really felt like you were doing something right. You left the office with a pat on the back from your big boss. That felt amazing. Kickin’ ass and taking names.
You were late coming home, texting Ky to let him know that you wouldn't be there when he got back. He texted back a simple:
Ky: :(
To which you responded with:
You: Bad day?
Ky: Just miss you. You were on my mind a lot today
You frown while walking to your car, wanting to get home quickly and hug him tightly.
You: Baby :( I’m on my way home now. 
You: I have a big kiss just for you <3
The second you walked through the door about half an hour later, Kylian embraced you tightly, taking you by surprise but you easily fell into his arms. You could feel his stress radiating from his body as he followed at your foot around the house. He was quiet in asking if you wanted to take a shower, but his eyes were loud in telling you he just needed to be close to you tonight. 
It was an innocent shower, his silent begging for a back rub and skin-to-skin contact was obvious as he kept his hand warmly on you at all times.
“You okay, hun?” You ask gently, tracing the frown line between his eyebrows after turning the water off.
He nods, eyes sleepy even though it was only eight o'clock at night. “Have you eaten?” He changes the topic, opening the shower door and wrapping you in a towel.
You shrug. “I haven't really been hungry today.” Ever since you threw up this morning, the thought of eating made you grimace. “Did you feel weird after last night's Thai?”
“I felt fine. Why? Is your stomach bothering you?”
You shake your head no as you shuffle through your drawers. “Just a little queasy this morning.”
You both get dressed quickly and lazily, surprised at how early you were deciding to turn in. Kylian was quite a bit needy tonight, pawing and tugging you close to him while he put on Pretty Little Liars… He would deny it to anyone, but he was obsessed with that show. 
“What the hell is she wearing?” He tusks at the screen, apparently not approving of Spencer's outfit for the Prom. 
You giggle into his chest, shaking your head slightly. “I’m gonna go pee.” You pat his bare chest and leave his side, hopping over to the ensuite. 
You wanted to be quick about it, your feet cold from the chilly tile and lack of socks. Kylian had opened a new toothpaste packet and left the empty box on the counter. You roll your eyes. He’s notorious for leaving things that should be trash anywhere but the trash can – an unfortunate side effect of having someone pick up after you as a professional athlete. You bitterly grab the cardboard box and press your foot down on the petal of the trashcan, but freeze when you spot the pregnancy test you took that morning. You wanted to look at it.
Is it worth looking at it? You hadn't even thought about it all day, which is a huge step for you. Only a few months ago, you would have been debilitated at work – and you sure as hell wouldn't have been able to step up like you did. You would have been crying quietly in your cubicle, taking far too many bathroom breaks. 
But… it was winking at you. Calling your name. Taunting you face down in the plastic liner. 
With a gulp and a deep breath in, you shook your head disapprovingly at yourself. It’s gonna be negative, you think, preparing yourself for disappointment as you fish it out of the bin. You gave a deep sigh before letting your eyes trail down to your hand where the thing burned a hole on your skin. 
The gasp that came from your mouth was severe, loud, alarming. 
Two lines. Pregnant. 
“Oh my god.” You mumble, much too quietly for Kylain to hear you behind the closed door. You begin laughing as it settles in what you’re seeing. “Oh my god! Kylian!” You desperately call. “Kylian!”
“What happened?” Kylian shoots out from under the covers and your current brain functions were a little crossed as you gaped at the test. The positive test. “Babe?” He comes into the bathroom with a furrowed and concerned look. “Are you okay?”
You respond with a look he was unfamiliar with. Immediately noticing the tears that had collected on your lash line, he reached for you. You couldn't tear your eyes away from him, seeing him for the first time as the father of the child inside your stomach. “Kylain.” He had never heard his name come from your lips with as much affection as it did right now.
He gladly took the hug you attacked him with, but the mood inside the bathroom was a little bewildering. 
“What’s going on, amour?” He coos, but you can only sob joyfully into his shoulder, holding the test behind his back as you embrace him – staring at the double lines like it would suddenly turn in one and you'd realize that this was never real. But it was. The results were right there in the palm of your hand. He mistook your cries for sadness, placing an assuring hand on the back of your head. “Tell me what’s wrong.” His voice was so soft.
“I love you so much.” You smile, pulling back and planting a long, wet kiss on his unexpecting lips. 
He’s so confused. “I love you too…” He raises an eyebrow when your hand meets his, an object placed in his palm. “What is this?” He asks before looking at it.
It takes a second for it to process, and you find yourself wishing you had a photographic memory, wanting to see his first face of realization again and again for the rest of your life. His eyes might as well have fallen out of his head with how wide his eyes went. 
“Wha…” He stutters, completely transfixed on the test. “Is this real?!” He finally looks at you, excitement would be the biggest understatement of the century.
“Of course it is.” You squeak, still clinging onto your husband as you both look at the stick. “I’m pregnant.”
“You’re pregnant.”
“I’m pregnant.” You both take a big breath in, crying simultaneously, absolutely elated. 
Kylian stares at the stick with a squinty and wrinkly smile before he looks at you — eyes tender and grateful. He drops the stick in the sink basin, grabbing your face with his two large hands, forehead pressed to yours to let the moment really register. He kisses you as best he could with the smile that engulfed his features, wrapping you up in his arms, truly holding you. 
“I love you.” He whispers from his chest, an earth shattering smile finding a permanent home on his face. “We’re having a baby.”
A/N: Okay, I don't hate it, but it's not my fav. It's finals in uni and I'm a wee bit preoccupied with those responsibilities. Still though, I think I had some good parts in here! It's mostly just the ending that's bugging me. Also, I know nothing about pregnancies and all that jazz so this is pure Google info so I apologize for any inaccuracies!
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anonymous-dentist · 2 months
Text
A tiny little merpepito au for the week
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Pepito misses Apa Roier. Pepito misses Apa Roier so much it hurts, and Apa Roier is so close! He’s just on the other side of the ship, and Pepito can tug on his shirt and get picked up and held the way Apa Roier used to hold Pepito in The Ocean, but. But he’s sad, and it’s all Pepito’s fault, because Pepito is a Very Bad Pepito.
Every night, Pepito eats dinner at the same table as everybody else. He sits by Pomme, because she’s nice, and by Richarlyson, because Richarlyson is too small to sit at the adult side of the table. But Pomme sometimes leaves her seat and asks her mom to hold her, and Richarlyson always goes to bother his dads. But Pepito… can’t. Because Apa Roier looks so sad when he looks at Pepito, and Pepito might start crying if Apa Roier tells him why.
Tonight, four days after Apa Roier joined the crew, Pepito sits alone and eats Pepito’s dinner. Pomme is with Miss Baghera, and Richarlyson is with Captain Celbi, and Pepito. Is. Alone.
Pepito sits with his head down, and he picks at his food idly with a fork.
He jumps as a plate it dropped in front of him.
He looks up, and there is Apa Roier with a fish bone sticking out of his mouth.
In the Language Of The Ocean, Apa Roier says, “Ayyyy, Pepito! There you are! I’ve been looking for you all day!”
He sits, and Pepito’s hands shake.
“Have you been avoiding me?” Apa Roier gasps.
Pepito doesn’t like lying, so Pepito almost nods. But then Pepito remembers that he’s a pirate now, and pirates are evil. So Pepito shakes his head slowly.
Apa Roier nods. “Ahhh, I see. You’re just too busy for me now, I get it.”
Pepito’s stomach turns uncomfortably.
“You’re a big Pepito now,” Apa Roier says. “And I’m just an old man.”
He even puts on his old man voice- the one that he does to piss Ama Rivers off that makes Pepito laugh- when he says that, but all Pepito does is put his fork down and stare at his plate with a chilly-feeling heart. He feels bad.
Miss Mouse laughs at the other end of the table. Misters Pacandmike are arguing with Captain Celbi.
Apa Roier is quiet.
Pepito isn’t going to cry. He isn’t!!! He’s a Strong Pepito! And he’s a pirate! Pirates don’t cry, they make people cry!
…Pepito probably made Apa Roier cry. Apa Roier probably broke down the second he heard what Pepito did, all because Pepito did a Very Bad Thing because Pepito is a Very Bad Pepito and and and and-
“Pepito,” Apa Roier quietly says, “I’m not angry.”
What?
Pepito looks up with wet eyes. He makes eye contact with Apa Roier, which honestly makes Pepito feels so much worse because Apa Roier looks kinda depressed with only two eyes. The Sea Witch took his eyes because of Pepito; just one more bad thing that Pepito has done.
Apa Roier gives a small smile. “I don’t know why you ran away, but I’m not angry. I mean, I’m pissed, but I’m not angry, you know?”
Pepito doesn’t know, but he also doesn’t care, because what does Apa Roier mean, he doesn’t know why Pepito ran away? He has to know! He’s a genius!
“BadBoy might be a real fucking creep sometimes, but he brought you to a real good guy,” Apa Roier continues. He glances over at Captain Celbi, his smile turning Weird. “I mean, Cellbit is kind of an asshole and he’s probably going to Hell, but he’s a nice guy.”
“Are you talking about me?” Captain Celbi calls, the same Weird smile on his face. Huh.
Apa Roier rolls his eyes and flips him off.
Pepito’s eyes widen. Apa Roier is so brave! Everybody knows not to mess with Captain Celbi, he’s evil! Mister Mike says so at least once a day!
“But listen, Pepito,” Apa Roier says, looking back at Pepito, “if you think I swam for a month to come and get you just for me to say I hate you or something, then you really are as stupid as your Apa Mariana. Because I-” (He reaches across the table and boops Pepito right on the nose.) “-will never let any stupid human pirates bully my Pepito. Only I get to bully you.”
Pepito’s eyes are starting to water again, dang it. Pepito is a Strong Pepito!
But then Apa Roier looks at Pepito’s plate of food and sighs and starts moving stuff from his own plate to Pepito’s, saying, “Pepito, Pepito, Pepito… You’re allowed to have more than fish for dinner. We’re pirates now, have pirate food. Here.”
And Pepito can’t help it. He missed Apa Roier so much…!
He jumps from his spot at the table and runs around to Apa Roier. He holds his arms up, and Apa Roier clicks his tongue annoyedly, but Apa Roier picks him up with a groan:
“Pepito, what the fuck? When did you get so big, eh? You’ll be taller than Mariana at this rate!”
Pepito is a growing Pepito, Pepito knows this. But he settles down in Apa Roier’s lap, anyway, and he hugs him because he can because Apa Roier doesn’t know that Pepito is a Bad Pepito. He still thinks that Pepito is a Good Pepito even if he is a Pirate Pepito now.
Apa Roier doesn’t know what happened. And Apa Roier never will.
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Note
If you do take requests at this moment, can I request a Hualian x GN reader where reader feels like the third wheel, and when Hualian look further into reader, they find out that reader is hurting themselves/trying to change in the way they look
That Hualian would baby reader, like take sharp objects out of arm’s reach, or spoon feed reader when it’s time to eat. Giving reader kisses and words of affirmation every time they’re around
Lol, I’m feeling very angsty, but if this request is a little too far, you don’t have to do it (I hope you’re doing great! Make sure to drink enough water!) 🥰
Shape Shifting Heart
HuaLian x gn!reader
Tumblr media
Ignore grammar mistakes
Slight OOC
Made up looks about reader for plot
Tyyy Pepsi zero has become my hydration 😔🙏
Also I'm so sorry for disappearing but I've had like the worst few months of my life ever so 😃🙏 bear with me
____________________________________
Being with Xie Lian and San Lang is the best thing that has ever happened to you. There's so much love to go around with three people and everyone is always taking care of each other! So you never listened to people being hateful about it, whether that be other gods or ghosts. You guys are happy and that all that matters right?
What happens when all of you aren't happy, when it's just one person bringing down the mood and the whole relationship? That's how you've been feeling lately. You haven't been much use to Xie Lian and San Lang these days. Often, you've been curled up in bed and staying hidden under the covers. For what reason? They don't know. You won't talk to them, and while Xie Lian and San Lang pride themselves on knowing you inside and out they can't figure out what's wrong.
You can't tell them. It's kind of embarrassing, humiliating even. How do you tell your lovers, "I feel like the third wheel, I feel neglected and left out" to the two kindest people you've ever met. Everything you do seems to make it worse and you're trying your best so you don't understand why it seems to put your relationship more on edge.
You had honestly just wanted to sulk and pout for a few days in bed over something silly. When they stopped visiting the bedroom it became a problem. All you do is lie here so what could possibly have made them want to leave you alone? You aren't even doing anything to warrant them off! Xie Lian and San Lang easily coddle each other all the time so why don't they think to do it with you? They stopped coming to the shared bedroom, even going as far to sleep in another bedroom together, but by themselves without you.
It only made you feel worse, are you so depressed and off putting they don't want to be near you now? Sadness becomes frustration and it fuels you to get out of bed in what has been weeks. You leave the room disheveled and groggy hoping to find one of your lovers to receive some affection, to you it feels like you haven't had in forever.
You find them together in the kitchen, an awfully domestic scene. Xie Lian cooking dinner and San Lang attached by the hip. The way San Lang holds Xie Lian's waist and stays close while Xie Lian bustles around the kitchen. Where you had once been and would usually love to hear the sound of their laughs and love filled giggles all it sounds like is mocking joy of what you once felt. How many nights has it been like this? How many nights have they been content without you?
"Making dinner without me?" You pipe up, leaning against the kitchen counter. Making dinner is a silly thing to be upset about. A part of you feels awful for being so jealous but the other doesn't. It's not like you're jealous of San Lang or jealous of Xie Lian. You don't spite a specific person. You're just jealous of the love they share, of their bond. You're envious of their happiness, you just want to be included too!
"Ah, y/n!", Xie Lian gives a wobbly smile, "Of course not" Xie Lian didn't know how to bring up that they've been trying to give you space. He doesn't know how to say it in a way that would sound reasonable to you. These days you've been a little irritated and you easily take words they say but add a whole new meaning to it. They know it's not your fault, it's one of your episodes maybe.
No one moves. They don't know whether to extend a hand to invite you or not but you seem to take it upon yourself. You walk closer and stick right up to Xie Lian's and San Lang's side. The tension - you can't tell if you're imagining it or not, you've been imagining a lot these days - is thick. "Well I feel a little better so I'll join from now on, what are you making?" You try to make conversation, you try to move closer in hopes that the domestic scene will just continue.
It doesn't. The room is tense and so are your lovers. You hate it. It makes you want to lash out, cry, and scream. Xie Lian and San Lang seem to be walking on eggshells around you and you don't know why. You've never gotten angry with them before, you've never been violent or aggressive with them so why are they acting like you're a ticking bomb?
San Lang attempts to break the tense atmosphere first. Wrapping hesitant hands around your waist and nuzzling into your hair, hair he will not mention is a bit notty. "We missed you" he murmurs into your long, bright locs. "We're glad you feel better" this seems to get the night moving smoothly again. It's pathetic how quickly you melt into San Lang's touch and preen at his words. It finally feels like you're included in the domestic picture they make.
The three of you eat dinner and enjoy it, Xie Lian's cooking has been getting a lot better but that's probably because you and San Lang were in the kitchen to help him. You're filled with a deep satisfaction when Xie Lian gently grabs your hand and all of you go to your shared bedroom together. Xie Lian pulls you into bed and They cuddle up next to you under the covers, placing gentle kisses on your face and shoulders.
You feel suddenly energetic because of the affection you're receiving. Making you giggle and kissing them back with new found passion. You won't lie you guys haven't had sex in a while so. . . You easily climb on San Lang, and straddle his hips. Kissing him eagerly and nipping against his lips. They weren't expecting you to be so eager but who are they to deny you.
Xie Lian gets behind you and slips off your robe, running his hands over your body. Your back, arms, hips, and thighs- your thighs. Xie Lian's hands freeze, and moves his hands as if he's been scalded. The sudden movement catches San Lang's attention and he sits up but he keeps you in his lap. "Gege what's wrong?" San Lang stares at Xie Lian and suddenly all the attention is off you. Somewhere inside you, you feel a little miffed at Xie Lian's reaction.
But you're concerned too so you turn your head to your other lover with concerned eyes, however Xie Lian is the one staring at you with pity. He turns on the light and sits next to San Lang. "His thighs, San Lang. . ." You scrunch your face. Of course that's what Xie Lian reacted so strongly about. While you were rotting in bed you were feeling so down in the dumps. So- so maybe you took it out on yourself and used your sword on your own skin.
It's not that big of a deal, they're already healed and just remain thick scars across your thighs but it matters to your lovers greatly. They've explored your body many times, and they know these are new. "Baobei, what happened?" Xie Lian cups your face with gentle hands but you turn your head the other way. You're irritated the night has stopped over something so trivial. "Nothing important, I was just feeling upset a few weeks ago, it's trivial now. Can't we just- can we not focus on that?"
Your face is scrunched in irritation and you try to roll your hips against San Lang but he removes you from his lap and onto the silk covers. You groan in frustration. The night was going perfectly and now it's all messed up! San Lang's eyes narrow as he gazes over your legs, and you swallow nervously. "This isn't something we can just ignore Y/n. You know that. . . Let's stop here for tonight" If it were San Lang saying it you wouldn't have minded as much but it's Xie Lian.
Xie Lian loves San Lang's body even with the scars on it so why won't he love yours?! "We don't have to stop! Just- ignore it, would you please?! I can get rid of them, I can look like whatever you want me to be! " You never notice when you start heaving for breath, when tears line your eyes and you try to cling to one of your lovers. You don't notice when you subconsciously change your body into something else because it's something you've always had the power to do.
So when your skin becomes smooth again, and unmarked it's something you don't even look over. But for Xie Lian and San Lang it's completely different. It's like looking at a stranger's body. Like looking at somebody who's never worked a day in their life, someone who has never gone to battle, something you are not but you're desperately trying to be. You have no scars, and the callouses on your hands have disappeared. They've memorized everything on you and now you've made yourself look completely different.
To you, it feels like they look at you with disgust and anger. You're breaking down and it's not something you're even registering. "Y/n stop!" San Lang gives up on keeping you on the bed and he lets you crawl into his lap, he cups your face with surprisingly gentle hands that contradict his angry voice. "Breathe Baobei" he rubs comforting circles into your hips and Xie Lian rubs your back. They're trying to get you to breathe and to stop hyperventilating.
San Lang never looks away from you, and he plants tiny kisses in your cheeks to get rid of your tears. When did you start crying? You don't remember. You eventually calm down from listening to your lovers instructions and their loving touches. When you're finally breathing normally again and the tension leaves your body they try talking to you again. Xie Lian rubs his fingers through your hair, he doesn't like how you've easily changed yourself. He misses your bright locs not the dark ones you've decided to take on. He kisses your head. "I want to talk to my Y/n now. Can I?" Xie Lian asks sweetly.
You've always been you but he wants to talk to his lover not the made up version of yourself. You sniffle and San Lang pats your waist. You take the encouragement and change back to your original body. When you make a weird noise in your throat that sounds close to a sob Xie Lian wraps around you and kisses your nape. "That's good Baobei, we're proud of you." San Lang and Xie Lian glance at each other and in that moment decide to drop the topic about your new found scars. They can only try to find the root of the issue now.
San Lang kisses your forehead and then below your eyes and then your lips. "Tell us what's wrong?" San Lang poses it as a question. As in, you don't have to but it would greatly help them if you did. You feel pathetic and selfish. You don't know why you broke down over something so silly and foolish. "I-I felt, I felt like a t-third wheel. You guys seem so happy without me and all I do is mess up, I'm sorry " you start to cry again and you rub at your eyes harshly but San Lang holds your wrists gently and keeps them away from your eyes.
Xie Lian kisses your shoulder. "There's nothing to be sorry for baobei. No one's at fault." He runs his hands over your thighs, making circles with his fingers. "We didn't mean to make you feel left out, we just wanted to give you space. We thought that's what you needed" Xie Lian explains softly. You nod and sniffle. That's more reasonable than whatever your mind came up with. San Lang pulls you closer by the waist. "If we make you feel like that tell us Baobei, we'll fix it immediately" he says with narrowed eyes. You know he isn't upset with you and he's probably beating himself up for not being able to tell. You kiss him deeply and sigh against his lips.
"M'sorry, I know you love me I just- my mind tells me awful things." You whisper in San Lang's lips and kiss him again. San Lang grunts and playfully tugs a piece of your hair. "Should I beat it up for you?" It makes you giggle.
🦊🪷
For the next few days and even few weeks they baby you endlessly. Xie Lian keeps an eye on sharp objects and makes sure you can't get into the weapons room. He also confiscated your sword and he won't even let you hold knives in the kitchen. The only sword you're allowed to be around is E'ming and they know you wouldn't do that to him or San Lang.
They have no problem with dragging you everywhere they go and often San Lang likes to feed you during meals. At first you blushed and insisted you could do it yourself but San Lang waved your concerns away and said "Let me take care of you". They coddle you a lot and one of them is always in the room with you. You know now that you need to work on your communication and not let your mind get to you. It was a big misunderstanding but San Lang and Xie Lian treat it as if it was a genuine problem.
You're suffocated with love but you wouldn't change it for the world.
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thewxtchwhowrites · 3 months
Note
Hola, oke no sorry haha. I can’t speak Spanish, just a bit hehe.
I don’t know if you write for request but because I wanted to say Hola I think about an idea now. What about Bucky taking you out for Dinner and your ex is there as well and tries to convince you he is the right one but Bucky is such a sweet gentle man and super protective?
Thank you in advance, even when you don’t write it hehe.💕
Ha. Did you think I forgot about you? Well no darling, it wasn't like that.
Here you have (late, but sure) and at once I took the opportunity to do therapy writing this. I was dumped about seven months ago by my partner, when I received your request, so I thank you very much for the idea, although it took me a while to prepare it.
I really hope you like it and it's what you expect, I interpreted it this way.
summary: you finally come out of an emotional sadness and decide to go out with Bucky to dinner, without thinking about who you would end up running into.
words: 3219
Beautiful dividers by @cafekitsune
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You were carefully walking down the stairs and your heels started making noise as they hit the steps, causing Bucky and Steve who were talking near the door to turn to look at you.
Bucky looked nervous, and it was no wonder, the truth is that he had not been on a date in more than 70 or 80 years, with everything that had happened in his life these last few years since the 40s.
Steve seemed to calm him down, when the blond turned to look at you he had a smile on his lips, he looked like a proud older brother.
As you walked down the stairs you wondered how you had really gotten to this day, and the truth is that the whole series of events had been very convoluted and fun...
Or at least now that you were feeling better.
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You had been depressed for a couple of months and it was because your boyfriend with whom you had been in a relationship for five years had broken up with you overnight with a simple message:
"I can't keep doing this, forgive me."
Your eyes began to fill with tears as you continued reading as best you could:
"I owe you what I am today. And it hurts me to tell you this, I don't know, I feel like I'm really screwing up by leaving all these years behind." Your tears no longer let you see, your vision was blurred. "But I want to make that decision and continue alone from now on. Maybe we can be friends in the future."
Bastard. You thought to yourself, it was obvious that there was something strange about his behavior after you both had your last movie date, but you decided not to listen to your intuition even though Natasha had warned you.
"I don't know, honey, I think you should be prepared…" Natasha sat on your bed and sighed, taking one of your pillows in her hands, and noticing one of the photographs you had on your wall where you and your now ex boyfriend ex-boyfriend, were at a Coney Island fair with ice cream on your faces.
"But Nat…" You said while shaking your head. You were delusional, without a doubt. "We've been together for five years, I don't think we'll break up. He's just a little stressed because his business isn't going well."
There were times where your ex-boyfriend would disappear for weeks, claiming that he was busy working or trying to run his business (a music store that his grandfather had owned for many years) and sometimes when you logged on to social media after work, you would notice that he was still online sharing posts or tweeting, although he didn't respond to your chat.
Sometimes he'd leave you on 'read' or sometimes he just wouldn't seem to open the chat, which was… strange.
Until it happened.
Even the final message of that long paragraph of excuses had a rather late apology that said:
"I'm very sorry, not only for the moment in which I'm telling you all this. But also for what I've put you through and how I treated you, not speaking to you for weeks and then coming to you to write all this shit."
That last message definitely led to long hours of crying, especially at night in your room at the Avenger Compound, not wanting to leave your room, maybe just to eat with everyone or for missions, and then return to your room.
You were even more temperamental during missions, you hit harder and you were even more reckless, which Bucky noticed immediately, he knew that attitude and hatred.
The first thing Nat, Wanda, and Maria Hill did when they found out was bring you ice cream and have a girls' night out, which ended relatively well, at least until Wanda put on a movie and the guy's name was your ex's.
A couple of nights later you heard a soft knock on your door, you were crying as quietly as you could and you thought that maybe you had woken up Steve or Nat who were sleeping in the adjoining rooms, when you got up and opened the door, it was Bucky.
"Bucky?" You asked with some confusion.
"I… I brought you this." Bucky took a cookie out of his pants pocket, when you took it you could feel that it was broken. "I accidentally sat on the cookie while I was on my way here on the motorcycle, sorry."
That, even if it was something simple, made you laugh and maybe it was the first time in five fucking months that you laughed sincerely and not in a forced way.
Bucky after you thanked him, he nodded softly with a shy smile on his lips and left saying goodnight.
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You look at Bucky's face as a smile began to form on his lips as you walked down the stairs, it seemed like he saw the most beautiful thing on the planet and he even had a small bouquet of flowers for you in his hands.
As soon as you finished walking down the stairs, Bucky approached you at the bottom of them.
"You look…" Bucky started to say, but stayed silent.
"Do I look too dressed up? Is too much?" You said nervously, touching your hair and ironing your dress with your hands at the level of your stomach, it had been Nat and Wanda's idea to groom you as if you were a little doll even though you weren't totally used to it.
“No, you look like an angel…” Bucky interrupted you. He continued to look at you with those blue eyes, it was a kind, sweet look. You felt your cheeks redden and you let out a nervous laugh.
Steve raised his eyebrows at such a compliment, and since you had your back to Steve, he took the opportunity to give Bucky a thumbs up.
"Oh, this is for you." Bucky gave you the small bouquet of flowers that you took carefully, they smelled delicious.
“James, you didn't have to do it." you said in a whisper, looking between the flowers and Bucky.
You didn't remember that a man had ever given you flowers before, your ex in itself was not a person to give you that type of details and you, sometimes, didn't allow yourself to receive them either.
But for some reason with Bucky, the fact that he gave you those details, it felt different.
“It's true.” He put his hands in the pocket of his black pants, nodding at your comment. "I didn't have to, but I wanted to do it."
That comment caught your attention.
Steve patted both of you gently like a father and opened the door to the compound, smiling.
"Have fun…" Steve looked at you and nodded his approval as if you were his little sister. "But not too much."
Steve looked at Bucky when he said that last sentence, that was definitely a warning to him, Bucky just shrugged and let you take his arm as they walked to the motorcycle to Izzy's.
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Honestly, you don't know how it happened, but it happened.
You began to spend more time with Bucky as the days and even weeks went by, first he asked you for help to play a prank on Sam by painting Nightwing as if it were a stingray and recording it to show in the group chat that you all shared.
Then you would help him with technological issues or you would end up sitting in the compound's cinema watching old movies while you listened to him tell you things about how things were in those times.
And maybe some embarrassing stories about Steve.
You discovered that he was chivalrous, opening the door for you and even letting you in first by placing either of his two hands just under your back in a protective manner. Even when you had to take something somewhere he offered himself, not allowing you to do it.
Including the bowl of popcorn, because he didn't want you to get burned.
You thought that sometimes Bucky was an exaggerator, but you began to notice that he did things that even your ex-boyfriend had stopped doing after being together for a while.
When you and Bucky went out on the street, he always offered you his right arm, since he felt a little insecure offering you his left arm, the mechanical one. However, that insecurity started to disappear and then he didn't care which arm you grabbed as long as you held his arm when you walked.
The times when neither of you could sleep and you stayed talking, whether in your bed or his, he didn't fall asleep while you were talking about those topics that you were both passionate about, nor did he change the subject, he just watched you with attention.
Bucky even remembered the things you had said to him a couple of months or weeks ago and that you didn't even remember what you had said to him.
You were healing little by little, starting to be you again.
And somehow he was healing too.
If you were at one of Tony's parties or maybe at a mission meeting, sometimes you would look at Bucky when he wasn't looking at you, and the other way around would also happen, and if you caught each other looking, both would just smile like a couple of fools and look away.
One night you heard a soft knock on your door, you recognized that soft knock, when you opened your door it was Bucky again, but he looked different tonight.
"Hi..." Bucky said slowly, seeming a little nervous, his right hand resting on the frame of your door, trying to look casual. "I wanted to invite you to dinner, well, it's not really a dinner."
You could notice and see Bucky's nervousness when trying to say things as he had (probably) rehearsed them in front of the bathroom mirror and he added:
"Or yes, maybe it is, I don't know."
You interrupted his rambling with a smile on your lips, gently raising a hand to the level of your chest.
"Yes..." That's what you said, you noticed how his eyes softened at the fact that you had agreed. "Yes, I'd like to go."
He nodded repeatedly and sighed in relief, letting out a soft chuckle.
"So Friday at eight sounds good to you?" Bucky was clearing his throat, trying to hide his excitement that you had accepted dinner, you nodded. "Okay, I'll see you on Friday."
Bucky quickly kissed your cheek, wished you goodnight, and left without stopping smiling like a fool.
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When you two arrived at Izzy's, Bucky greeted Leah with a smile, she seemed surprised but happy that she now finally saw him with someone other than Mr. Nakajima, especially seeing you walk in with him.
You and Bucky sat at one of the tables and you had a sneaking suspicion that someone was watching you, but you weren't sure after all there were more people than usual today, it was Friday.
After a couple of laughs, drinks, Asian food and bad jokes, a few caresses on your hand from his you noticed out of the corner of your eye that someone was approaching the table and you swore it was a waiter.
But it was your ex.
“Y/N…” Your ex said in a firm voice, looking from Bucky reluctantly and then back to you. "What are you doing here with him?"
The audacity of this idiot. You thought as you heard those words come out of your ex's mouth.
"The real question is, what are YOU doing here?" You responded rudely as a frown began to form on your forehead.
"So you're the… man who broke her heart." Bucky told him in a calm voice, but he was really trying to stop himself from smashing your ex-boyfriend's face into the pretty little sushi boat that was on the table, because he didn't want to ruin your night.
Bucky slowly stood up from the chair, making your ex jump a little, maybe he was nervous with Bucky's presence.
And the truth is he should be nervous.
Bucky was quite tall, strong and even if he didn't have a vibranium left arm, he would have enough strength to change your ex-boyfriend's health status to deceased if he tried to go far with you.
And on top of that he had to avoid at all costs breaking the second rule that he had agreed upon with Dr. Raynor in therapy: No one gets hurt.
Your ex scrunched his face in disapproval at Bucky's words, not believing what he was hearing, but now you understood many things, you had been receiving notifications on social networks, especially from Instagram indicating that your ex occasionally looked at the stories you published.
Part of you didn't understand why you continued to have him on Instagram, perhaps because you used that social network very little, but whatever, now you understood what your ex was doing there.
"What? N-No, I was confused…" Your ex started to speak, he even tried to get a little closer to you, but he couldn't since Bucky gently moved his left arm that was covered by a glove. "Now my mind is more than clear and I want us to go back Y/N."
Bucky tried to talk to him by placing his right hand on his shoulder.
"Look, son…" But your ex just moved, removing Bucky's hand from his shoulder.
"Don't call me son, we are the same age, pal." Your ex responded aggressively, while rolling his eyes, looking back at you.
Very few knew that Bucky was actually 106 years old, which if you had been in another situation you would have found it funny.
"Look, I don't know what you've been through in these eight or nine months, but she and I are together, and she's not interested in getting back with you or anyone else." Bucky spoke in a fairly firm tone of voice, being respectful.
You began to feel anxious, you felt your stomach turn not only from nervousness, but from the embarrassment you were experiencing in the establishment, many of the people at the adjacent tables were looking towards you.
"Are you really going to throw away all these years together with me, by being with him?" Your ex-boyfriend spoke softly, as if he was trying to manipulate you. "Y/N? I know you haven't forgotten me, you still love me, I know that."
You looked between both men, there was some doubt in your eyes or that's what Bucky thought he saw in you, maybe it was embarrassment.
You got up from your seat and enter the bathroom of the place with tears in your eyes, on many occasions you had dreamed of something similar, dreams that ended in nightmares that you tried to ignore some nights, many ended with your ex calling you different things like 'bitch', 'whore' or 'ungrateful witch' while throwing things at you or shaking you.
You ended up waking up drenched in sweat many nights, breathing heavily and then crying silently until sleep overcame you, although those tears and nightmares ended up being silenced by Bucky on more than one occasion while he slept next to you, stroking your hair or hugging you in his arms.
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You had entered the bathroom and locked yourself inside one of the stalls, you were hyperventilating, you didn't think the wound would reopen again, you really thought you were over that, you didn't know how much time had passed, you were just sitting on the toilet seat with tears in your eyes.
Until your train of thought stopped when you heard the door to the women's bathroom open wide, hearing soft footsteps coming in and seeming to have stopped near the mirror.
"Y/N?" It was Leah's voice, it sounded soft because the bathroom had quite an echo. "Are you okay, do you need anything?"
"He's gone?" You asked shakily, leaving the bathroom stall, as soon as Leah saw you with your makeup smeared with tears, she gently tilted her head, giving you an empathetic look and approached you.
Leah nodded at your question.
"Yes, between Mr. Nakajima, Bucky and I, we took that being out of the restaurant." Leah rolled her eyes, she reached into the pockets of her apron for a handkerchief with a couple of flowers embroidered on it and wiped your face. "I really thought James was going to break his face, I was already thinking about what to replace the restaurant furniture with… they are made of old wood."
Both laughed at the comment, although you also imagined Mr. Nakajima, who had a bad temper, pushing your ex out of the restaurant door.
He was a man with a quite volatile temperament, like Bucky's.
When you returned to the restaurant you didn't see Bucky, he was outside leaning on his motorcycle, you said goodbye to Mr. Nakajima who was also leaving the restaurant with you and of course to Leah, thanking both.
Mr. Nakajima opened the door for you and let you out first.
"Pretty ladies first" Mr. Nakajima said with a kind smile, which made you laugh, and that made Bucky turn his head to the door of the establishment and approach you.
"Are you ok?" Bucky gently took your face in his hands, caressing your cheeks with his thumbs.
You looked into his eyes and you could feel that he was still upset by your ex's attitude, in fact, he seemed a little uncomfortable, perhaps remembering your look of doubt.
You nodded silently. You had a thoughtful look again.
"Honey…" Bucky began to speak softly, lowering his hands to his sides. It was the first time he had called you that pet name since you had started talking and going out. "I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with."
You remained silent, listening to what he had to say.
"I have nightmares at night, I have anger issues, I'm 106 years old…" Bucky chuckled, looking away from your eyes for a moment to see a couple of people crossing the street during the lonely night. "Even other problems, especially because of my past, so I will totally understand if you want to get back with him."
You didn't know what your expression really was, but Bucky seemed surprised as he looked back at you.
"What? I said something wrong?" Bucky asked, maybe you looked at him like he was crazy.
"I'm really going to have to talk to Dr. Raynor." You said nodding with a smile on your lips.
Bucky looked at you confused, he didn't understand what the mention from his psychologist that he was seeing it had to do with this conversation.
“Oh please…” You rolled your eyes, sometimes you forgot that Bucky was born before penicillin. "It means that I'd be crazy if you think I'm going to choose my ex. I like you, James B-"
Bucky leaned forward, crashing his lips against yours and bringing his hands back to your face, your eyes instinctively closed, enjoying the kiss which became more intense and then you both separated, gasping for air, without saying a word...
You two now knew how the other felt.
148 notes · View notes
cinnajun · 11 months
Text
ᵕ̈ ೫˚∗: zb1 and long distance relationships
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a/n: this was a fun request :) just in general, i think these guys would be pretty good at it (save for a few of them), mostly bc they’re young and very online
notes: yujin is not included due to his age!
wc | 2.5k
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from worst to best at handling it
jiwoong
long distance with jiwoong is just point blank difficult
like i’ve said before i feel like relationships with jiwoong are long lasting so
when you receive whatever opportunity that requires your presence overseas, you’ve been dating for at least a couple of years
your routine is set and there’s a high probability you’re living together
so it’s a major disruption in the flow of your lives
and it’s not to say that jiwoong doesn’t want you to go, nor does he want things between you two to end
it’s just hard to wrap his mind around not having you around for dinner or having to sleep alone :(
so yeah safe to say this is going to be a very difficult time in your lives
depending on how far you are, jiwoong will absolutely be visiting you and staying in whatever apartment you’ve found yourself in
if you’re close enough (aka flight less than 5 hours) he’ll visit multiple times, but anything more than that he’ll probably end up only going once
it’s hard to get time off when you’re a working adult </3
it’s the most difficult for the both of you during holidays
there are days off you had in korea that you don’t have off now, so you physically hurt knowing that jiwoong is sitting at home instead of being on your celebratory day-off dates
and it’s just hard to keep him updated on your life
you fall into a routine of when to call each other and whatnot pretty quickly though
you also write things you want to tell him down in your notes app so when you’re talking you don’t miss anything
and really the main thing that gets you through this is those little sort of habits that you learn to have along the way
but man. you cannot wait to go home
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hanbin
this might be a hot take but i think hanbin would hate being in a long distance relationship
in the beginning, he’s absolutely convinced that everything will be fine and nothing will change
his mindset is “i kept my friendship with matthew up while he was in canada, so what’s stopping me from keeping up my relationship with my s/o”
and then a week passed without you and he got really depressed
i think being in a relationship with hanbin means spending a lot of time together, holding hands, and staying near him
so when you’re so far that he can’t even fly to you easily it’s just so difficult for him
but his last resort is breaking up with you
like it’s seriously his worst-case scenario
when hanbin loves someone, he loves them very, very hard
so he will do everything in his power to keep your relationship going, but relationships are a two way street
so you need to put in the work that he’s putting in, too
obviously you’re likely abroad because you’ve taken an opportunity (aka a job) so you can’t be online all the time but
call him when you’re free, tell him when you’re going to be busy, and let him know about every single little victory that you have so you can celebrate together
and, for the love of god, do NOT bring up the fact that you can tell he hates long distance
i’m so serious with this one
hanbin absolutely will not tell you that he doesn’t like it
because, if he knows you know, he’ll feel like you feel like he’s not willing to fight for your relationship (does this sentence make sense)
but just know when you get back you’ll watch him finally relax after like 50 years lol
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taerae
i’m going to keep it short: taerae’s heart shatters into a million pieces when you break the news to him lol
like obviously he tells you he’s proud of you and that he couldn’t be more excited for you it’s just that he’s actively crying as he says that
with taerae i think you actually almost reject whatever offer you’ve received, but you pretty quickly realize that doing that would make him feel worse so you decide to muscle through it
the worst part of long distance with taerae is the like week before you leave
he cries a lot and then feels bad for crying but he doesn’t want you to go you know
when he drops you off at the airport you have to take hanbin with you because he’s crying too hard to drive back to his apartment
he hugs you outside the airport doors for like 5 minutes and hanbin has to be like okay … let’s go now … okay … we need to let them get on their flight …
and then you ugly cry for half the flight … like someone reports you to the flight attendant and they’re like is everything okay ?? and you’re like no i just left my boyfriend in korea
after that i think it’s not nearly as bad as you both thought it was going to be LOL
he’s a lil bit (incredibly) clingy at first and gets rly butthurt when you don’t update him on your every move, but then he cries to hao and hao is like “here are some tips!”
then he’s very sweet
taerae will send you videos of him playing the guitar or of him just screwing around with the boys
he also sends you cringy little paragraphs about how much he loves you and how proud of you he is
obviously taerae misses you but tbh it’s like you never left
the only reason he’s not higher up is the pure agony you went through for that week before
taerae the man that you are
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gunwook
graduated from taerae school of how do i deal with my s/o going abroad for a bit
he acts all cool with it
when he drops you off at the airport he gives you the gunwook bear hug and is like “i’ll see you later! love you!”
then you get off the plane 10+ hours later and you have like 17 texts from gyuvin describing gunwook going through the 5 stages of grief
it’s actually kinda funny ngl because it’s like a picture of him hugging a pillow with a pint of ice cream in his hand while he watches your favorite movie and cries
also like taerae, everything is absolutely fine within like a week
gunwook’s really cheesy while you’re gone though and that’s how you tell he really misses you
he’s making playlists and posting old cute pics of u on his story with the caption “10,000 km away”
gyuvin also told you that he giggles and kicks his legs every time you text him when he’s not expecting it
he also just hangs out with your family while you’re abroad
he’ll text you like “damn y/n your mom made the most delicious dinner tonight” and you’re like ??? without me????
you later find out your mom invited him over so they could be sad and miss you together which is soooo embarrassing
gunwook will mail you random items from your room and with a note that says “why didn’t you take this” as if you didn’t meticulously pack every single thing you brought with you
so then you have to spend money to mail it back because you don’t want to have to buy another suitcase (you end up having to anyway, but you’re still glad you mailed the things back)
when you get back he cries in your arms for like an hour lol
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gyuvin
gyuvin acts like it’s not a big deal but lowkey it’s the biggest deal in his life
he’s like “omg congrats do u wanna get dinner”
that night he cries in hao’s arms like a little baby and then he gets over it
he’s genuinely so happy for you, and there are no strings attached to that excitement
one of his closest friends left his home to pursue his dreams so he should let you leave to pursue them too, you know?
the only reason gyuvin isn’t higher actually is because the other three are long distance from everyone they know LOL
long distance with gyuvin is remarkably similar to just being there with him
when he’s hanging out with friends you’ll be on the phone (albeit muted) just in case you need to contribute to the conversation
and he gets really excited when you have him on the phone while you chill out with your (new) friends
assuming you’re studying abroad because gyuvin’s not old enough to have an s/o with a job that has overseas opportunity, a lot of your time is spent in your dorm so you can call him </3
gyuvin is very popular with your overseas friends and they all follow him on instagram
any time someone hits on you they let him know and also let him know that they told whoever hit on you that you’re TAKEN!!
obviously he doesn’t enjoy knowing that people are hitting on you and he can’t do anything about it but he appreciates that your friends shut it down
all in all i think this is a healthy era of your relatioship and it strengthens your trust in one another a lot
but he prefers you being there with him so come home soon pretty please <3
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ricky
yeah long distance with ricky is barely an issue
like when you tell him he’s like “oh…okay” and then he’s sad for a little bit
but then he’s sending you off like nothing is wrong!!! and truly nothing is wrong
i think actually you’d be more sad than ricky is but that’s not to say he’s not going to miss you at all
of course he is
but ricky is a seasoned misser and knows how to keep up relationships from far away (even if he’s never had experience with it being a romantic relationship) so he’s mostly concerned with brainstorming the best ways to like keep things going in a way that isn’t jarring
he consults pretty much everyone he knows on what they think he should do, almost like he’s collecting data or something
so once you actually leave ricky is pretty interactive and prepared for your escapade!!!!
he texts you at specific times of day he knows you aren’t busy and you schedule daily calls at the same time once you know your every day schedule
like gyuvin i’m assuming you’re studying abroad, so your class schedule is on ricky’s home screen (it’s a picture widget) but it’s been translated into his timezone
sometimes he texts you during classes he knows you don’t like and you’re like … isn’t it 4 in the morning
he doesn’t answer that question
but to be fair you do the exact same thing so can you really talk…
like gyuvin, your overseas friends LOVE ricky
sometimes he will sponsor you doordashing dinner and by extension your friends (except you make them pay him back LOL)
and they think he’s the funniest guy ever
bonus: sometimes gyuvin will text you pictures of him scrolling through old texts </3
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hao
is this at all shocking
he’s so perfect
doesn’t even bat an eye when you tell him you want to go away for this opportunity you have
“okay! how long until you leave? are they paying for your flights? do you want to start packing now? do we need to get clothes for different weather?”
once you’re off he does get a bit sad but he promises himself that by the time you’re off the plane he’ll be feeling better
he breaks the promise but you don’t know that because he acts like everything is just fine!!!
throughout the duration of your time away, communication with hao is very steady and consistent
you’re each putting in enough energy for a perfect 50/50 split <3
when you start making friends overseas, you show them hao and they’re in awe that you managed to bag the most perfect person on earth
this makes you sad, not because you’re jealous, but because hao would say they should be more surprised he managed to bag you </3
like ricky, he will also sponsor your meals from time to time!! sometimes he doordashes stuff to your place without even telling you like its that serious
hao is the champion at curing your homesickness, mostly because he figured out how to cure it for himself first
if you ever feel like things are too much and you need to leave, he will drop everything to go out there and get you feeling back up to things
he sends little presents every time you have a big achievement or an exciting event
and he’s the number one endorser of getting yourself little treats when you’re feeling proud of yourself
he’s so proud of you
and he’s so happy you got to experience something so exciting
but he can’t lie, it is a big breath of fresh air when you get back lol
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matthew
tbh for the sake of this let’s pretend you went to canada bc
why can i see you moving in with matthew’s family idk
you tell him about the opportunity and he’s like My mom will host you
you end up living with his sister LOL
because of that it’s barely like you’re gone
i mean he can come visit you for an extended amount of time and he gets to see his family so its like 2 in 1
in all actuality it doesn’t matter where you go, long distance with matthew is EASY PEASY!!!
i can see him being really trusting in a relationship and that makes things so much easier than not
the first time you get invited out you ask him “hey i got invited to a party tonight, is it okay if i go” and he’s like “ya why wouldn’t it be?? why are you asking me??”
okay feminist
he makes you watch anime with him over like teleparty or something </3 but it’s cute bc his chat reactions are like adorable
#3 of the “your friends love him squad”
they all ask you how you managed to find him because he literally doesn’t care what you do as long as you’re not cheating on him (and you would never do this)
and he’s all happy go lucky every time you talk
when he visits they’re in love with him (PLATONICALLY)
they all ask about his friends in the “haha do you have a brother” way and he’s like “my friend hanbin!”
so now all of your overseas friends want to date hanbin which is awkward
he will also make you buy like presents and things for his friends’/family’s birthdays
obviously with his money but he’s like “can you go to (store) and pick up (item) and then wrap it up and give it to my mom”
it’s very silly
all in all matthew is the long distance relationship you DESERVE!!!!
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thank you for reading!
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