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giantkillerjack · 1 year

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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chiptrillino · 1 year

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I'm imagining Zhao was Jee's neighbor growing up, and his frown lines are the result of him listening to him talk.

poor unfortunate soul jee

[ID: digital drawing of Zhao and Jee from avatar the last airbender de-aged to a young teen (maybe 13 years). Zhao on the left of the image is leaning forward shouting at jee "play Wonderwall". on the right of the image is jee clutching a sting instrument looking perplexed at the rude request. End ID.]

#atla #jee #zhao #this was one of these drawing where you just.... started and kept adding and adding #and whops?!?!#suddenly there is a BG #oh well just... leave it roughly shaded no colours call it a day #i want to add... i feel with jee!#i knew once how to play guitarr but everyone only requested to play wonderwall #maybe is should try to learn that song #maybe i should still keep refusing out of spite!#i know what you wonder! "why does zhao has a school uniform and jee not?'#well you see...#poor planing i am now morthing into... zhao is the insuferable rich kid and jee is... well not poor but not rich rich.#for some reason it was easyer to get zhao righ then jee....#dang it zhao!

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beanghostprincess · 2 months

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Sanji and Usopp during The Sabaody Incident™ won't leave my mind.

Usopp standing in front of Sanji protectively because he is wounded and he can't fight, so Usopp will do it for him ("I'll do what you can't do").

There is just something about Sanji's expression when he realizes he might actually lose Usopp. This is my interpretation, at least. He is literally frightened.

Usopp helping Sanji stand up to run away. This is crucial for something I want to point out later: Sanji needs help to stand up. (Also, Brook disappears trying to protect them both and saying he will do anything to save them even if it costs him his life. I am feeling sick).

Sanji being self-sacrificing and blaming himself for not being able to protect them/act sooner is not new. But he does manage to gain the strength to fight when Usopp is the only one left with him and the possibility of losing him is even more real now.

The thing that I love the most about this is not Sanji sacrificing himself for Usopp, because he does that. He is like that. But Usopp not running away or moving in the slightest because he refuses to leave Sanji on his own.

Something I'd like to point out too is that Sanji actually touches Kuma before Usopp disappears. He tries to fight and protect him and Kuma could've easily sent Sanji to Momoiro Island right away, and yet Sanji was just sent flying far from the scene and forced to see Usopp disappear in front of him.

And I am not saying that "not being able to protect both Brook and Usopp (especially Usopp) is needed for Sanji to realize he has to become stronger and find more reasons to go back with the crew" but not being able to protect both Brook and Usopp (especially Usopp) is needed for Sanji to realize he has to become stronger and find more reasons to go back with the crew.

Not to mention that we can't deny (right after Water 7/Enies Lobby) that Usopp is one of Sanji's strongest bonds within the crew. This specific scene focusing on them both is more than enough to prove it.

Sanji seeing Usopp disappear in front of his eyes without being able to do anything to save him.

Remember what I said about Sanji needing help to stand up seconds ago? Well. This is him the moment Usopp disappears. What adrenaline and the power of love do to a mf.

They are so "I can lose everything, but not you. Oh God, not you" shaped.

#sorry for bringing up sabaody i am sure nobody wants to think about it #but they mean the world to me and there is SO MUCH to unpack #we don't talk enough about this i think ?????#sanji spending two whole years having nightmares about not being able to save usopp. about seeing usopp disappearing in front of him #he still has them btw #sanji having to sleep with usopp post-ts because he is afraid of waking up and seeing he is gone #also i am having thoughts about brook protecting them and #and brook saying he will do anything to save them #because sanji has only heard that from zeff so......... so just thinking. i have thoughts. i told you brook is one of sanji's father figure #back to sanuso- thinking about how this whole scene despite having brook too is mainly focused on both sanji and usopp #thinking abt how the others disappear mostly focusing only on luffy's reactions but this emphasizes a lot sanji's attempts to save usopp #why would you give them a whole scene i am throwing up #sorry still thinking abt sanji apologizing to usopp for not being able to protect him or #or having nightmares he definitely has nightmares about it #and usopp just. staying with him and making him see that he is alright now. and letting him cry.#early post-ts kills me #still angry we don't have almost post-ts sanuso #i might start crying thinking abt them so it'll be better if just shut up and post this #one piece #black leg sanji #usopp #sanuso #sabaody

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benkyoutobentou · 8 months

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#i saw someone talking about how they had copies of the same book in multiple languages and i was like.... why tho #like i get collecting multiple language editions of a favorite of yours #but this was presented as specifically for reading in other languages #idk am i the odd one out here?#i will not read anything translated Into Japanese #the way i look at it is that i learn languages to get a deeper understanding of the author's original intent #but as of right now theres still a little bit of a language barrier #translation is already a type of barrier between you and the original work #so why would i want to be twice removed from what the author is saying #languages #langblr #studyblr #language learning #benkyou posting #polls #memes #studyinspo #polyglot #the only reason i can see myself reading a book translated into japanese is if i really want to read it but japanese is the only #available language i know #but even then #i always have so many books to read that it really wouldnt make a difference if i either a. read it or not #or b. waited for it to be translated into english #i do know that im weird about translations though

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cluescorner · 25 days

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I cannot imagine being a Damian stan right now. You've got both Zdarsky's bullshit (where he clearly doesn't give a shit about your boy) and The Boy Wonder (where Juni Ba clearly gives so many shits about your boy) coming out on the same day. The whiplash must be insane. I hope y'all get some nice warm soup for your efforts jfc

#damian wayne #damian al ghul #damian al ghul wayne #batman #batfamily #for all of the issues that come with having Steph as your fave having too much wild shit happening at once is never one of them #btw I quite like The Boy Wonder Issue 1. wow shocker an artist and writer who I have liked everything they've ever done #has once again written something that I am enjoying with art that makes me want to be part of its world.#it's almost like Juni Ba is really freaking talented or something #like I have some problems with it but it seems like many of those are part of the point. Damian is learning that his siblings are more #three-dimensional than he realized and that is part of this 'coming of age' story merged with fairytale #so I can't be mad at the oversimplistic defining of Dick and Jason and Tim until the conclusion of the series. that might be the point.#I hope that the series will address Steph as a Robin but if not then frankly it's not an issue unique to this series.#I'll be annoyed and disappointed but ultimately roll with it like I am with Babsgirl being here. There's too much good stuff here to get #hung up on shit that seems to be almost an editorial mandate at this point. at least that's where I'm at.#I am also very sorry that Chip Zdarsky is massacring your boy. he has 'X (Tim for him) is the best Robin so everyone else must suck' diseas #where a writer really likes one specific Robin and in trying to uplift them demeans all of the other Robins. instead of like...just writing #for that one character only or alternatively not demeaning the other characters in order to make his blorbo look good #it's wild because I actually think his writing for Tim is pretty solid. but he's not writing a Tim series. he's writing a Batman series.#and if you are going to write a Batman series and include other Batfamily members you need to actually write them well.#instead of assigning them like 2 personality traits while Tim gets to be a whole character #I accept that behavior in fanfic where I have lesser standards because it's fucking free. not a comic run that wants me to pay #tens of dollars in order to understand what the fuck is going on. he's been going for a while now it's gotta be a lot of money.#I can buy Steelworks with that money. I can see John Henry and Natasha Irons in a trade. Fuck you Chip.#it's why it takes such a special person to write a good ensemble story/a good Batfamily story. you have to be good at writing a LOT #of different characters. which I don't think most people are. I sure as hell am not. I can write maybe 3 at a time confidently well.#and you also have to give all of them at least SOME love or else people will be upset that you aren't focusing on their fave #and also the writing as a whole will suffer. Chip Zdarsky is a pretty good Tim writer. I'd maybe read a Tim solo written by him.#I would not read a story focusing on multiple characters that I like written by Chip Zdarsky. because every character who isn't Tim #is at least a bit weak/inconsistent/out of character INCLUDING FUCKING BATMAN. THE NO. 1 GUY MOST ARE HERE FOR

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heal2ninjagogirl · 1 month

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Genderbent Kai and nya

#ninjago #lego ninjago #lego ninjago movie #ninjago kai #kai smith #ninjago nya #nya smith #i enjoyed drawing this yea but like its almost 2 am now and im surrounded by darkness and the bright screen of my electronic :3 #but anyways i saw that nya had a mole on her cheek in the movie so i was like imagine if kai had like a mole too but on his other cheek #while im on the topic of them was it ever explained why only kai had brown hair while nya and his parents had black hair #i was actually analyzing his parents hair color and i can only see black #i'll guess we'll never know...or i already assume the worst #gosh i love this duo im probabaly going to draw them for a while

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uncanny-tranny · 7 months

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It's just... odd to me, I suppose, going from "what is in my pants is completely irrelevant to most anybody else's life" to the expectation that you must be completely open, essentially, about what is in your pants.

I think a lot of people understand the general idea of why it's bad decorum to demand people offer explanations for private information like this, but they don't analyze exactly why it's bad besides, "asking directly is just rude" and not "asking in any way still enforces the often violent nature of gender and sex, and putting people in the 'right box' is a part of that violence."

It's especially odd when seeing other trans people enforcing the idea that "what's in your pants?" is a genuine, good-faith basis for interacting with others.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #what i mean by the last paragraph is... WHY does it matter?#if i lied to you right now about what is in my pants... how would you know OR how would you change how i am treated by you?#and also. i would absolutely rather lie about my *own* body than be put in danger because it is a trans body #if worse comes to worst i genuinely don't care if somebody is mildly insulted that i didn't 'trust them' enough with that information #it's just weird to see people go from 'only tell doctors that info; it hardly matters outside that!' to...#...'you need to tell ANYbody - even in social and platonic situations where you don't think it matters'...#...can you see how believing in the fundamental idea (that your sex and to extent gender is not your own and belongs to everybody else)...#...doesn't really mesh well with the idea that trans people should be able to live an autonomous life wherein their information is *theirs*#and can you see how for people who aren't trans but have an 'its complicated' with the broad 'what's in your pants?' would ALSO be hurt?#because even if you don't word it as such you still present the fundamental idea that - again - your sex and gender are required informatio #and that it must be judged to be 'accurate' so others can place you in whatever direction they want to treat you with #anyway lying about this shit isn't Inherently Evil and the idea that it's like. a boogeyman is weird actually

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midnight-els · 6 months

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For All Mankind | 3x03 vs 4x03

#hello I am here to commit violence in gif form #I had the idea so now you have to endure it too sorry not sorry #the fact that these two scenes and 91 elevator are the only times we see Margo recieving this kind of tenderness 😭#putting the kissing scene next to the 4x03 scene is not helping with the 'why do these two have so much chemistry' thing #for all mankind #fam spoilers #margo madison #sergei nikulov #margo x sergei #irina morozova #my gifs #cw: blood

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jesuis-snips · 8 months

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LIES: Palestine is murdering civilians.

TRUTH: Palestine is expelling occupiers.

LIES: Palestine is attacking Israel.

TRUTH: Palestine is standing upon its rights in its own lands.

LIES: Hamas is giving Israel reasons to attack them.

TRUTH: Israel has already been attacking Palestinians without a reason for years. Every resistance counts and weakens Israel.

LIES: Israel is the victim.

TRUTH: Israel is suffering for its sins for the innocent children they have killed.

#free palestine #palestine #and here we are seeing hypocrite peoples posts and how Palestinians are wrong and terrorists #do you even know what you are talking about do you even know the history of these lands #i am sure that you don't bc if you did you wouldn't even dare to open your dirty mouth #it is very tragic how the whole world was playin 3 monkeys when israel was attacking and bombing and killing and raping Palestinians #none of you gave a shit #none of you said a word #ever since i know myself there was pain and blood and tears in Palestine #and the couse was always isarael #ever since i was a kid i protested israel in meetings and press briefings #i have seen the pain of my muslim sisters and brothers i have heard their screams for help #and now this shameless people coming here and saying Palestinians are wrong and they should have picked a more peaceful methods #hah don't make me laugh #what peace are you talking about #whose peace would be a better question actually #why is it okay when muslims are hurting and wrong when others are????#there is hell for israel #it is the only place they can go after all #the bottom of the hell

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iridescentpsychopath · 10 months

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"The movie messes up the TV lore" 🥺🥺🥺

Bro the TV lore messes itself up. Master fu destroyed the most important temple ever cause he wasn't allowed to eat for a day.

#bro when i tell you #the only reason why i started watching this show was cause the concept was nice #but the execution is dog shit and now im just seeing where its going.#they didnt add worthwhile plot till season 4 bro #season 2 and 3 was just world building #and season 3 sucked so like a season and a half if plot max #and the FIBALLY OF 5 PISSED ME OFF SO MUCH #i wanted adrien to punch his dad in the face as himself not noir #i dont like redemption arcs the movie made #but i perfer it better than me coming off as a doomsday nut job conspiracy therorist #yelling on youtube how convient it was hawkmoth was defeated but agreste died in the process #his weird butterfly motif in his house #his aloofness started arou d the same time hawkmoth showed up #any design shown on screen was ugly af so hes not studying fashion in his free time thats for sure #i am the charlie day pepe silvia meme in this universe canonically #oh shit the actual tags #miraculous ladybug #miraculous awakening #chat noir #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug and cat noir the movie

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kinstein-art · 9 months

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my friend finally managed to get me into one piece and now these stupid pirates wont leave my brain

#one piece #monkey d. luffy #roronoa zoro #nami #vinsmoke sanji #usopp #one piece fanart #luffy fanart #zoro fanart #nami fanart #sanji fanart #usopp fanart #uuuhhhh so guys one piece is rlly rlly good and i love it #i dont wanna ramble too much in the tags BUT I LOVE THIS SHOW #i put off watching it for so long lol but my friend finally managed to get me to watch it #thanks a LOT reese now i cant think of anything other than these losers #im only up to alabasta arc tho 😭 i have so far to go #i wanna see gear 5 luffy!!!!#also went into this show expecting either him or zoro to be my fave but no. its fucking. sanji. are you kidding me #why am i so PREDICTABLE i always fall for the flirts #but i havent met the rest of the strawhats yet so we'll have to see if he stays my fave #ANYWAYS the only thing in my head right now is these idiots and i cant stop drawing them #these arent my best sketches of them but rip :/ i dont care i love them #havent drawn chopper yet im so sorry but i will 🙏 my little man i love him #oh and we watched the OPLA too!!! personally i loved it #i thought it adapted the story and characters rlly well and uhhhh live action sanji and zoro kinda 👀😳#OKAY i need to stop talking but anyways anyways #i love one piece and i cant believe im now dedicated to watching over 1000 episodes of a tv show. god help me. im gonna love it

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bakubunny · 4 months

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no one will ever guess what i’m working on… 💀

#another same trope different font #yes i am rotating between 4 wips rn #that’s pretty much the only way i write #either i get it all done in one sitting or there’s at least 2 other wips nearby #and now y’all know why it takes so long to see some of the results 💀#wip excerpt #aizawa shouta

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tulivoimainen · 11 months

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cha cha cha cha cha cha cha

#käärijä #jere pöyhönen #gustaph #why am i seeing these käärijä/gustaph moments only now??#i genuinely thought they didn't really interact but they did 🥹#eurovision #eurovision 2023

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geekydemigodinthevoid · 2 months

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I had another realization today and I'm not okay

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beeduoo · 1 month

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originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins

#origins smp #i heard theres been like three failed origins revivals WHAT EVEN HAPPENED i was only there for the first one😅#beeduo #otubbo #oranboo #beeduo fanart #i rewatched some origins streams a little while ago oh my god theyre SO FUNNY #DUDE DOES ANUONE REMMEBER THAT ONE STREAM I COUDLNT FIND RHIS ONE STREAM #IR WAS LIKE THE ONE WHERE TUBBO WAS SINGING SUGAR BY MAROON FIVE and they were being really Funny thay shit h #ad me CRYING in 2021 Please i swear this happened imnot crazy but also they might have been separate streams actuallu i dont rememebr its #been wayyyyyyy too long #BUT IT HAPPENED I PROMISE Sorry i've been gone for a while ive been very busy lots of Things going on went to Six flags then jad a surprise #bday party then i had to buy shoes for prom then Go to prom and also i do figure skating and am out like every day idknt have Time im sorry☹#had a crepe yesterday it was sooooo goood im like learning to drive too that shit is boring as hell my dad kept gettign 😑 bc i couldn't stop #yawning DRIVING IS SO BORING its not my fault😭😭😭😭#ok what else ohhhh. y god i locked in SO HARD for this physics essay u guys dont even knowim getting ONE HUNDRED on that trust i just really #wanted to share ok i love you bge #WAIT ACTUALLT SORRU IM LIKE REMMEBERJNG THE ORIGINS STREAMS K WAYCHED #RANBOO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNT IN THOSE STREAMS TOO LIKE I REMEMBER NIKI WANTED TO SEE THEIR BASE and tubbo was like ooh maybe we can put like #water down here for you niki we need a water system and ranwas like Do we though?I WAD WAYCHING THAT .LIKE DAMMMNNNNNN OM LIKE GIGGLING WRIT #ING THIS RIGHT NOW I CAN HEARTHE CLIP HE DID NOTTT WANT HER IJNTHEIR BASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#I NEED TO FIDN THAT STREAM WHERE IRS LIKE TOMMY AND JACK A D FHEHRE LOKE TALKING ABOUT DUOS AND THEN JACK SAYS THE MOST OUT OF POCKET SHIT I #VE EVER HEARD LKKE I LITERALLU HAD TK PAUSE. H PHONE AND BURST OUR LAUHJIMG MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOORRRRR DO U GUYS R EME ER WTF IM TLAKING AB #OUT IDK HOW TO FIND THESE STREAMS Oh my god u really Had to be there early 2021 that was liye the funniest era of mt life i wlild be #Tearing up from lauhjimg every day I MISS WAYCHING STREAMS LIVE CHAT WAS SO FUNNY I wishe it was archivedI WISH MORE STREAMERS KEPT CHAT ON #SCREEN i defiently understand why most didn't like Wyd when chats annouing ad hell but also Me 3 years later is interested in what the pub #lic had to say.... ok Now bye

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moeblob · 1 month

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I unfortunately picked up Bravely Default 2 again (I bought it back when it released) and then started over since I last played it in June 2021. And. You know what. I like these silly beans. And then I saw concept art for Dag's expressions and I am not the same. Why did they decide to give him huge fangs in it.

(also I'm trying so hard to avoid spoilers less for plot but more for characters so if you know anything that happens to characters shhhhh. also the expression concept is below the read more so you can see what I mean.)

#bravely default 2 #dag rampage #selene noetic #i only just recently reached ch2 in the game and i may have a problem #someone was like wait how have you not gotten farther in 25 hours #and im like im sorry its a problem i have an obsession you dont understand #and then he found out i had three of the four party members with two jobs capped at 12 #and then the fourth only had one capped but a bunch high up #and then i told him i was trying to get the gambler asterisk and that meant i had to play a childrens card game #and then i had to do side quests when they popped up #and he was like wait at that point you probably dont need jobs at 12 omg #and im like i know its a problem i cant stop it #so anyway chapter 1 took me forever because i committed to the grind too much #the emotions i feel for silly lil side characters ................ its too real #like even the fact that you beat these two up in the prologue im like teehee funny lil blonde guy #then you dont interact with them in a ch1 quest but they show up again at the same time doing the same quest #and guys i am FEELING EMOTIONS theyre just funny lil mercenaries doin funny lil mercenary things #also please do not tell me anything about the game past ch1 because i want to continue to enjoy experiencing it #which is why i have my ask box closed bc its a game from 2021 and i know im really behind the times #but i managed to not know anything until now and i wanna keep it that way #also i dont really know how to properly draw noses especially when i doodle #but his nose is important and i already struggle with his big jaw so i had to include it somehow #and in the concept art it looks like he has a lil stubble but in game i dont see it so im like ... squinting at he

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