#wheres the mother? stories from a transgender dad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

elliesmistress · 21 days

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EPISODE 1: PILOT

WARNINGS: 18+, heavy drug usage (cocaine, weed, alcohol, etc), oral sex (R, E, D, A, ETC), tribbing, overdoses (reader), mentions of overdoses, angst, EVERYONE WILL BE IN COLLEGE AS EUPHORIA IS SET IN HIGHSCHOOL!, mentions of self harm, Jules will be transgender (same in the show, except sex won't be with her), shoplifting, mentions of death, NATE and his family will most likely be left out of this completely and set with new characters that are less toxic, dealer!ellie (sometimes), drug deals, swearing, less abusive relationships but still toxic, mentions of rehab, rehab (detox), death, degradation, toxic sex, rough sex, strap usage, strap sucking, mentioning of 9/11, lmk if I missed anything please!

a/n: this will be VERY similar to Euphoria, you will be RUE (Due to it being "your" story I will be writing it with 'I' as Rue talks). I just need to figure out where abby, dina, jesse, etc will fit into the story. I do know abby will be CAT very likely all the characters will be the exact same (besides from Nate and his parents) I've struggled with a few of the problems in Euphoria and I've written my own fic about MY addictions but I figured I'd do Euphoria too hehe, I will be removing the SA parts of the story because that's just something I don't want to have on my page. Please let me know if you want to be on the taglist whilst I actually have inspo to write :) 3.8K WORDS, spell checked and shit idk man it's like 4 hours past my bed time and 1am

I WILL BE MAKING A EUPHRIA PLAYLIST FOR EACH CHAPTER!

Taglist: @snowy-vee , @vqxen @pedropascalsbbg

PRESENT DAY

"I was once happy, content, sloshing around in my own private primordial pool." I am standing in front of hundreds of people who are here listening to my story—to say the very least, I was nervous. I always have been a fucking addict, and now I'm telling my story of how I recovered from this fucking disease that ruined my fucking life.

"Then one day, for reasons beyond my control, I was repeatedly crushed." I blink my eyes, looking at the floor, struggling to find the right words: "over and over by the cruel cervix of my mother, Grace."

"I put up a good fight, but I lost, for the first time, and definitely not my last... I was born three days after 9/11."

Memories flood back to when I could hear the TV going on the day I was born.

"I can hear you; I can hear you; the rest of the world hears you; and the people who knocked these buildings down will hear all of us soon." The unknown man says on the TV that hearing the words "USA, USA!" being chanted over and over again made me cry as a baby. Those chants will forever haunt me.

"My mom and dad spent two days in the hospital, holding me under the soft glow of the television, watching the towers fall over and over again, until the feelings of grief gave way to numbness." I shift uncomfortably in the silence of the audience, glancing at my good friends Jesse and Ellie, who indicate for me to keep talking. A soft chuckle comes from my lips as I continue on with the story.

"And then," I take a deep breath, "without warning, we moved to a friendly neighborhood in the suburbs, to where a middle-class child, me to be exact, was looking up at the ceiling, counting those fucking numbers like I could fucking see them. Over and over again. 'thirteen... fourteen... fifteen... sixteen."

"My mother looked up at that ceiling like I was fucking crazy; the words she said echo through my dumb brain still: 'What are you looking at, y/n?'" "I kept counting, trying my hardest to ignore her. She said to me, 'y/n, look at me."

I chuckle. "I bet you all know where this is going. I kept counting, but from the start," and my smile dropped immediately.

"I remember breaking down and crying when my mother tried to snap me out of it. I wanted... I had nothing but to cry, so that's what I did. I sat in a doctor's office a few weeks later with my mother crying next to me as the doctor said I could be suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder, attention deficit disorder, general anxiety disorder, and possible bipolar disorder." I put my hand up close to the mic to cup it. "But I was a little too young to tell," I said in a joking tone, cracking a laugh from the crowd. "Y'all get me; y'all fucking get me."

"With this being said, I was put on medication to treat half of the disorders I had, and to be honest, I don't remember much between the ages of 8 and 12. Just that the world moves fast and my brain moves so fucking slowly."

"I would sit my fucking ass in class every day and try my hardest to listen to what that fucking teacher was trying to teach, but sometimes I would focus on my breathing a little too hard. I'd die. That teacher held a bag to my mouth to calm my breathing, though it never really helped. I remember trying to outrun my anxiety every day, looking in the mirror and trying to push my stomach in so I wouldn't look "fat."

"I would constantly get messages from people telling me they wanted to kill me, drug me, make fun of me, and bully me. My mother knew something was up and constantly asked me what was wrong, but I always gave the same response: 'I'm just fucking exhausted."

AGE 19 (college years)

"You said the doctor was in our network. How could he suddenly be out of network?" I hear my mother say as I walk out of my room into the kitchen, "I can't afford it" Grace says.

"did you see the beauty queen who got acid thrown in her face?" My sister says as I begin to lean on the dinning room table. "Mm, what? No" I say, turning my attention to her and out of my trance. "it's pretty fucked up." She says holding up her phone. "Hey, Mom, you got any tampons?" I turned my head to face her as she looked at the documents in her hand, I knew full well I wasn't going to be getting tampons but she didn't need to know that shit.

"in my bathroom, under the sink." She replies back, I swiftly make my way to the bathroom.

I enter her bathroom and cough as I open her medicine cabinet to take a few of her Alprazolam (XANAX) pills.

I would do this countless times, and surprisingly at some point, you make a choice about who you are and what you want in life.

I pretend to flush the toilet and I look at the picture in my mother's bathroom- it had my dad and my Mom on it on their wedding day.

I look at myself in the mirror washing my hands and putting on sunglasses to hide my pupils that are almost as big as my actual eye itself- I get out of the bathroom to go back into the kitchen

"alright, Jayda, let's roll." I say to my sister as she looks at me and frowns, probably these fucking sunglasses.

"y/n, did you eat breakfast?" Grace says, moving the phone away from her mouth. "I had coffee!" I yell out, opening the front door and making my way out.

Jayda and I begin to walk down the sidewalk, she turns her attention onto me and asks what's with the sunglasses.

"what sunglasses?" I say and chuckle, Jayda laughs with me.

We both make our way to the bus and wait for it to arrive, once it arrives we get on the bus and make our way to the back of the bus.

I guess... I showed up one day, without a map or a compass... Or to be honest, anyone capable of giving on iota of good fucking advice. And I know it all may seem sad, but guess what? I didn't build this system nor did I fuck it up.

I was sitting at a party, with a galaxy book to my knees and a line of cocaine, holding the perfectly rolled 5 dollar bill that had been rolled by some rando.

I snort the line of cocaine and immediately felt the pain in my nose, moving my hand up to my nose and applying pressure to where it is painful, making my breathing hitch, then speeding up my breathing in order to get rid of the pain.

My pupils immediately shot big, looking around—everything felt good, my mind at ease and nothing to worry about. I sit up with the most unreal experience, an out-of-body feeling as I struggle to get up.

"y/n, you good?" My friend Ellie attempts to hold my shoulders to steady me as I wobble slightly, I giggle and smile at her, escaping her grasp. "I'm good!"

I walk past people- everything is in slow motion, my body feels slow, my mind feels slow, and suddenly I no longer feel as high- I find another unknown substance and waste no time snorting it, sitting down on the couch.

I sat back up from the couch I was sitting at, getting offered yet another line of cocaine. I snort that cocaine as well, that leaves it hard for me to breathe, every time I take a breathe out. It feels like I'm breathing out all the oxygen I have.

And then it happens. That moment when your breath starts to slow, and every time you breathe, you breathe out all the oxygen you have. And everything stops: your heart, your lungs, then finally your brain. Then everything you feel, and wish, and want to forget, it all just sinks. And then suddenly... You give it air again, give it life again, and that's what leaves you needing more.

I smile at the figure I see besides me, her face is blurred but she's speaking to me, I feel scared. "I want to call an ambulance" I say in my mind, "but I don't wanna ruin everyone's time"

"dude get her fucking legs" I hear muffled voices, slowly waking up. It was Ellie and Jesse dragging my body to Ellie's bed, after I had passed out on the couch at that random frat party-

I stand in a church with my hands behind my back, looking up at the ceiling waiting to graduate from rehab. Slowly making my way up the steps, I look at the lady and give her a smile and a nod before exiting the building.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Echoing in my mind over and over again as I make my way to Ellie's car.

"Hey!" I see Ellie running up to me. I drop my bags as she pulls me into a tight hug. I smiled at her shoulder. She squeals, letting go of me and looking at my face, pulling a hair strand behind my ear.

"I've missed you," she admits. "I've missed you too."

"What about we go back to mine and we can watch a movie?" Ellie suggests that, honestly, I wanted to get home and get out to my fucking dealer. I never had intentions of staying clean, but she didn't need to know.

"Uh yeah, sure," I say, quickly breaking myself out of my own stance. She helps me with my bag, and she puts it in Joel's old, beat-up truck, and I get into the front seat. "Everyone's missed you, dude, Abby, Dina, Jesse, and Maddie. Fucking everyone, dude."

I chuckle.

I cuddle up with Ellie in her dad's garage as we watch Jurassic Park. I'm on top of her, listening to her breathing—she's relaxed; she's always around me.

I find myself nuzzling into her neck. She moves her head to the side, so you have better access to her neck. I softly kiss her neck; she's always so soft.

Her eyes flutter shut as I start to suck on her neck, her hands finding their way to my ass, slowly rocking me back and forth to grind on her. Ellie let out a choked moan as she felt my clothed cunt rub against her clit.

"Y/N, fuck," she moans. I smile against her neck and make my way to Ellie's lips.

I kiss her slowly, but Ellie starts to become desperate, whining into my mouth as I refuse to give her what she wants. I move my hand underneath her hoodie to find her tits; of course she's not wearing a fucking bra or shirt under her jumper. It's Ellie.

"Wait," I say, pulling down her pants and boxers in one go. I look at her swollen cunt, slowly moving my head downward to lick up her slit, making my way to her clit.

She bucks her hips up into my tongue, I moan into her cunt, and she tangles her hand in my hair, slightly tugging upwards, making me groan loudly.

"S-sh-it," her voice is choked. "Fuck, just like that," she moans, rolling her eyes back, her toes curling in her socks. "Hmm? Feel good, baby?" I say to her, slowly lifting my head up, abandoning her swollen cunt.

"Fucking don't," she threatened, and I chuckled. I push my middle finger into her soaking pussy as I attach back to her clitoral area; her breathing gets faster, and I feel her tighten around my fingers.

"F-FUCK!" She moans loudly, and I feel her pussy conract on my finger as she cums, her fingers tugging at my hair. "A bit loud, don't you think?" I tease after letting her ride out her orgasm, and I move up to kiss her sweaty forehead. "Shut up"

"got another in you?" I smirk, taking off my pants, t-shirt, and bra. Ellie takes off her jumper, leaving us both naked. I allow Ellie to get up and let her go on top of me.

Ellie aligns her clit up with mine and moans quickly, filling the room each time Ellie moves her hips. I start to dig your nails into Ellie's back, making her groan in pain.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Ellie chants from the overstimulation. "C'mon, baby, I know—fuck, I know you can do it." I praise her as I feel a knot in my stomach, threatening to come undone.

Ellie moves her shoulder closer to my face. I take this as an opportunity to bite down on her shoulder, which makes her wince in pain.

"I'm going to fucking cum!" Ellie moans out. Hearing Ellie say this triggers my own orgasm, and we both cum together.

I sit up in bed watching Ellie sleep, and I take out my phone to look at the time.

4AM

"Fuck it," I think before opening Ellie's window slowly, climbing out her window, and making my way to my dealer's house.

"There's a new girl in town I think you're going to be friends with." I stand in front of my dealer, who's sitting down in his chair. "who?" I question.

"shit... I don't know, man. She came in yesterday lookin' all Sailor Moon and sh*t. I'm thinking to myself, "You look like somebody you would get along with."

"Ah, real nice, dude. Really nice, where's ash?"

"I thought you went to rehab?"

"Doesn't that mean I stayed sober?" I smiled, walking towards Ash's room with a smile. I opened his door to see him eating cereal. He puts down his bowl and looks at me.

"Shit, I thought your ass was dead."

"I thought you had Asperger's till I realized you're just a prick." I insult him. "This is a fickle industry. Y'all come and go." He chuckles.

I ask for what I want, and he hands it to me. "Sure, you don't want to try anything new?"

"Like, what?" I asked, pulling the hair out of my face.

"2-C-T-2, 2C-T-7, and 5-MeO-DIPT." "I have no idea what the fuck you just said, Ash."

"Doesn't matter, dude, this sh*t. Is fucking lit?" He holds up a bag with two unknown pills. "It's a fast-acting psychedelic. I have some similarities to LSD, but with, like, key differences. Not as visual and shit, but still a sense of distortion... I don't know what's been blowing up in Tampa, and mad people like to fuck on it."

"okay, yeah." I say, putting all the baggies in my pocket, "That'll be 120."

"Fez said he'd spot me."

"Fezco, don't spot anybody."

"Yeah, well, it's a post-rehab discount, so you should ask him." I say, pointing the middle finger at him, opening his door, and leaving.

"Do you think my areolas look weird?" Dina says to Abby, "What the fuck, no?"

"Just the edges."

"Dina, they're fine," Abby says, taking a puff of the weed Cassie gives her.

"Fine, like, they're weird, kind of weird, or fine, like, nobody but me would ever notice what I would notice?"

"Fine, like, shut the fuck up, Dina," Cassie says, sitting up, grabbing her vape, and taking a puff. Dina scoffs, pulling up her t-shirt to cover her boobs.

"Hey ladies!" Jesse walks in. "Hey baby," Dina squeals, running to Jesse and hugging him. Abby cringes.

"Straight people, ew," she thinks to herself, looking at her phone. "Yo, you got out of rehab."

"Didn't she die?" Dina asks, and Abby shrugs.

"Yeah, I swear she died. I don't know, is Ellie coming to the party?" Jesse questions, to which Dina nods.

I get off my bike at home, slightly drugged up from the drugs I took earlier.

I walk into the house, softly shutting the door.

"Where were you?" My mother says, sitting at the table, Why the fuck is she up at 6 a.m.? You thought to yourself: "I went to eat," I lie. "What the fuck do you mean, you went to eat?"

"what?"

"what?" She mocks, "Don't walk away from me." She sits up from her seat, walking towards me as I walk towards my room. "You know what, y/n? I don't trust you."

"I don't know what you want me to say." It's true; I didn't know why she wanted me to say it. "I want you to tell me where you were," she says, walking quickly as I walk to my room.

"I just said I went to fucking eat!" I yell at her, "Don't you talk to me like that!" Grace says as I slam the door on her face. "Don't be slamming my doors around here."

"It was a fucking accident!" I yell out, holding my body in front of the door. "I don't care. You're not leaving this house until you take a drug test."

"I just peed!" I yell out, "Slam another door."

"Shit," I say, making my way to my bed, not knowing what to do. Every option I could do is unsafe as fuck.

Niacin, maybe. I don't know fuck, I think to myself, putting out my phone to look at the side effects.

Google

Side effects: skin flushing, extreme dizziness, vomiting, rapid heartbeat, and sometimes death.

Fuck, I can't.

"No drug site recommends doing this" I whisper to myself.

The other option is to get a non drug-addicted friend to do it for me.

About 20 minutes later, I show up at Dina's door, knocking.

"y/n!" Dina says, opening the door, smiling and hugging me, "I thought you died."

I laugh. "Can you do me a favor?" Uhm, I'm serious, bro."

"Sure, what is it, y/n?"

"Can you, uh, piss in this cup for me?" I whisper to her . "You're fucking with me, right?" She responds back, and I laugh and shrug.

Dina agrees to do it, and I enter her house to see Jesse and Abby.

"Sup Jesse," I say, fist bumping Jesse, then Abby.

"We thought you fucking died, bro. How was rehab?" Jesse says it with a genuine tone. "Yeah, it was good." I turn to Abby and ask, "How's football going?"

"Yeah, good. Thanks, uh, are you coming to that party tonight?" Abby asks, "Uhm, yeah, maybe."

"y/n" Dina grabs your attention, you move away from Jesse and Abby, and she swiftly hands you the bottle. "Here's that eyeliner."

"thank you"

I quietly climb through my window, grabbing my baggie of crushed cocaine, tipping some out onto my shelf, grabbing my 5 dollar note, rolling it up, and snorting a line.

"Argh," I groan, feeling it hit my nose. The same pain I've always experienced with snorting was still there—just muffled out. By this point, my nose was completely fucked, and I could hear the sound of the drugs eating away at my nose.

"Mom! I have to pee."

"I wish we could do this in a way that wasn't a complete invasion of my privacy." I say, cup in hand, struggling not to smile at her due to the drugs I had taken earlier on.

"Well, you lost your right to privacy after your overdose," your mom says, staring at you in the eyes.

"That was an accident." I smartly talk back, "Don't be flippy, y/n."

"Could you, at least?" Your mom turns around and says, "Thank you."

I sit down, and before "peeing" in the cup, I swiftly change it with Dina's urine as she talks. I wasn't listening to whatever the fuck she was saying... I was high as fuck, and I didn't care.

I gave her the urine sample, and she put the drug test in the container, and all of them came out negative. "I'm sorry for slamming the door earlier."

"it's okay. I forgive you. Come here." My mom says, pulling me in for a hug.

I guess... Like I said before, you get to choose who you want to be and how you want to be- the way the drugs cancelled out all my emotions was what I was looking for, no person, no nothing could compare to that feeling. Besides from drugs.

"I'm gonna stay at Dina's tonight" i say to which she agrees.

It's now 7PM, I don't know how the day went by so fast- but it did and it fucking sucked. I get a text from Ellie.

Ellie: Yo, noticed you left this morning you okay?

Me: yeah, I'm good bro. You alg?

Ellie: yep! Wanna come over tonight? Dont have to if you wanna go to the party instead

Me: I'll come over around like 11?

I find myself making my way to the party that Jesse, Dina, and Abby are going to.

Jesse and Dina have fucked off somewhere else, probably making out or fucking, and you find yourself next to Abby.

"How was rehab, y/n?" She says, breaking the tension, although I can barely hear her over the music, "Yeah, it was good!" I yell over the music.

I stand up, looking for the bathroom in an attempt to snort more, but people were already in the bathroom. "Shit," I think to myself, not paying attention to where I'm walking, accidentally bumping into this lady.

"fuck!" I yell. Looking at her, she looks like the girl Faz mentioned. "Hey, sorry." I retrace my steps.

"You're good; I'm, uh, I'm Jules," she says, and I smile, holding out my hand to shake hers. She accepts and shakes my hand.

She's got one of the most beautiful smiles you have ever seen; her smile is so bright it could light up an entire dark room, filled with nothing but sadness.

"I'm y/n" I introduce myself, to which we exchange numbers, and I make my way to Ellie's place, feeling overwhelmed from the party.

I knock on her door for Joel to answer; my pupils are dilated, and obviously I've taken some sort of drug.

"y/n... Hey, Ellie's in her room." I smile stupidly. These fucking drugs, man, I can't stop smiling . I swiftly walk past Joel and see Ellie. I smile at her, and she smiles back. "Dude, are you high?" She scoffs, "I thought... I thought you quit."

"I'm not high, Ellie, mania." I giggle; she obviously doesn't want to assume, so she wants to give me the benefit of the doubt.

"Are you coming back to college this month?" She questions. "Yeah, probably." The truth was, I didn't want to. But I knew I probably had to.

I shall leave it at this due to how many words, etc. and idk if people will like this 😭😭

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celepom · 1 year

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For Transgender Day of Visibility, here’s several books about Gender that I haven’t recommended before (I Think)!

Fine: A Comic About Gender

By Rhea Ewing

As graphic artist Rhea Ewing neared college graduation in 2012, they became consumed by the question: What is gender? This obsession sparked a quest in which they eagerly approached both friends and strangers in their quiet Midwest town for interviews to turn into comics. A decade later, this project exploded into a sweeping portrait of the intricacies of gender expression with interviewees from all over the country. Questions such as “How do you Identify” produced fiercely honest stories of dealing with adolescence, taking hormones, changing pronouns—and how these experiences can differ, often drastically, depending on culture, race, and religion. Amidst beautifully rendered scenes emerges Ewing’s own story of growing up in rural Kentucky, grappling with their identity as a teenager, and ultimately finding themself through art—and by creating something this very fine. Tender and wise, inclusive and inviting, Fine is an indispensable account for anyone eager to define gender in their own terms.

Galaxy: The Prettiest Star

By Jadzia Axelrod & Jess Taylor (Illustrator)

It takes strength to live as your true self, and one alien princess disguised as a human boy is about to test her power. A vibrant story about gender identity, romance, and shining as bright as the stars. Taylor Barzelay has the perfect life. Good looks, good grades, a starting position on the basketball team, a loving family, even an adorable corgi. Every day in Taylor’s life is perfect. And every day is torture. Taylor is actually the Galaxy Crowned, an alien princess from the planet Cyandii, and one of the few survivors of an intergalactic war. For six long, painful years, Taylor has accepted her duty to remain in hiding as a boy on Earth. That all changes when Taylor meets Metropolis girl Katherine “call me Kat” Silverberg, whose confidence is electrifying. Suddenly, Taylor no longer wants to hide, even if exposing her true identity could attract her greatest enemies. From the charming and brilliant mind behind the popular podcast The Voice of Free Planet X, Jadzia Axelrod, and with stunningly colorful artwork by Jess Taylor comes the story of a girl in hiding who must face her fears to see herself as others see her: the prettiest star.

To Strip the Flesh

By Oto Toda

A moving collection of six short stories that explores what must be stripped away to find the truth and celebrates the beauty of embracing who you are. Chiaki Ogawa has never doubted that he is a boy, although the rest of the world has not been as kind. Bound by his mother’s dying wish, Chiaki tries to be a good daughter to his ailing father. When the burden becomes too great, Chiaki sets out to remake himself in his own image and discovers more than just personal freedom with his transition—he finds understanding from the people who matter most.

Sir Callie and the Champions of Helston

By Esme Symes-Smith

In a magical medieval world filled with dragons, shape-shifters, and witches, a twelve-year-old hero will search for their place as an impending war threatens. A thrilling middle-grade series opener that stars a nonbinary tween and explores identity and gender amid sword fights. My name is Callie, and I'm not a girl. I am here as Papa's squire, and I want to train as a knight. In a world where girls learn magic and boys train as knights, twelve-year-old nonbinary Callie doesn't fit in anywhere. And you know what? That's just fine. Callie has always known exactly what they want to be, and they're not about to let a silly thing like gender rules stand in their way. When their ex-hero dad is summoned back to the royal capital of Helston to train a hopeless crown prince as war looms, Callie lunges at the opportunity to finally prove themself worthy to Helston's great and powerful. Except the intolerant great and powerful look at Callie and only see girl. Trapped in Helston's rigid hierarchy, Callie discovers they aren't alone--there's Elowen, the chancellor's brilliant daughter, whose unparalleled power is being stifled; Edwyn, Elowen's twin brother, locked in a desperate fight to win his father's approval; and Willow, the crown prince who was never meant to be king. In this start to an epic series packed with action, humor, and heart, Callie and their new friends quickly find themselves embedded in an ancient war--the only hope to defeat the dragons and witches outside the kingdom lies in first defeating the bigotry within.

I Think I Turned My Childhood Friend Into a Girl

By Azusa Banjo

It's a familiar story: a popular high school student gives their plain friend a makeover and transforms their life. But this time, the path to a new life isn't quite so straight and narrow. Kenshirou Midou has loved cosmetics all his life, keeping his obsession secret from almost everyone except for his childhood friend Hiura Mihate. One day, Kenshirou gets permission to practice applying makeup on Hiura, and the results are earth-shattering: Hiura's appearance transforms from a plain, undersized boy to a pretty, petite girl, and Kenshirou discovers just how freeing it is to apply his passion! Yet he's not the only one who finds the process liberating. Hiura likes the makeup, and the subsequent dress-up in feminine clothes, and decides to start wearing the girls' uniform to school. Kenshirou doesn't understand if he's unlocked something in Hiura, or if he's simply seeing a new side to his childhood buddy that he never noticed before. What are these feelings bubbling between them now--is this attraction truly new?

My Androgynous Boyfriend

By Tamekou Wako and her androgynous boyfriend don't exactly have the most traditional of relationships. She spends her days working hard in the world of publishing, while he spends his time obsessing over fashion and makeup--all with the goal of making himself beautiful just for her. This romantic slice-of-life story is about love, relationships, and breaking with tradition!

#Transgender #LGBT comic #queer #gender #graphic novels #manga #transgender day of visibility #book recs

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queergaygaygaygay · 11 months

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Don’t know if this has blown up on Tumblr but, in the new Spiderverse film (spoilers), we see Gwen’s room which features a trans pride flag above her door. We also see a smaller flag sowed into her father’s police jacket.

They have been some theories sparked off by this with people speculating if Gwen is trans or just an ally. I find the argument about allyship to not quite hold up given where the flag is located. Someone’s bedroom is a very personal space and Gwen has only had one friend before Miles so it seems like the flag isn’t a social indicator for allyship but something more personal.

It’s perfectly possible that Gwen feels such close allyship that she keeps a pride flag in her room but I can’t really think of a justification for this. This level of passion for allyship would probably come out of a personal connection to a trans person but Gwen has very few people she feels close to (especially at the start of the film), namely: Peter Parker and her dad. These are the only people that could’ve inspired her allyship and it is possible for these characters to be trans, and one or both of these characters being trans would explain the trans flag on her dad’s police uniform since Peter was close with her dad, however I cannot find any further evidence of these character’s transness though it is possible.

It is semi-plausible to say Gwen saw trans people struggling online, and her father was convinced by this to wear a pride flag on his uniform to show allyship, though I personally don’t know any allies who have pride flags in their room.

This also seems like a strange detail for a film that is so purposeful in its visual nuances so I would imagine the reasoning behind this is less convulated than the allyship theories.

Another clue to her possible transness could be in her universe’s animation style which uses blues, purples, whites and pinks- the colours of the trans pride flag.

When I was watching the film, I spotted the trans flag and thought it was interesting. I hadn’t heard the rumours or even watched the full trailer. As the plot unfolded, I made some comparisons between Gwen Stacy’s expierience in the film and my own trans experience; the alienation from society, the anger at the world, the search for a community, the disconnect with family and the eventual acceptance of family. This made me feel a rather intimate connection with the character and her story and I think it’s actually encouraging me to come out to my mother but I haven’t yet (I asked if I could go to pride with friends and she said yes so hopefully that gives me the confidence).

This subtle but poignant dropping of the trans flag into the film, the film’s nature of making every detail significant and the clear comparison between her character arc and the general trans experience gives me the impression that the team behind the film intended for Gwen to be allegorically, or even canonically, trans and, if so, I hope they do more with this since I was genuinely brought to tears.

Whilst we can not prove Gwen is trans, we can’t prove she isn’t trans and, as explained, it isn’t impossible. I read through the reddit post and found a lot of people, unsurprisingly, saying that this is just Twitter making everyone think everyone is trans and she is conclusively not trans but I don’t use Twitter (as a loyal Tumblr girl) or had heard anything about Gwen’s story arc so my experience was as organic as anyone’s experience who came out of the cinema thinking she was cis. This stubborness to not believe Gwen could be trans is ignorant, from my perspective, because there’s no reason to say she isn’t trans. It’s more logical to assume characters are cis because most people are cis statistically but, here, we have evidence for possible transness so it feels more like a Shrödinger’s transgender- where a character could be trans, due to non-conclusive evidence, or could be cis, depending on what the writers (in regards to cannon) and fans (in regards to headcannon and fan works) choose.

Thanks for reading. I love the film regardless of this detail and would happily nerd out with any fans. If you want any citations, I’ll hand you them through dms. I would add them here but I don’t know if that would be unusual.

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len-the-neverending · 1 year

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For cis people, on writing trans stories

So, I just spent roughly an hour looking at the trans tag on Goodreads, and hoo boy, the things I saw. Ten books in I'd compiled a list of red flags, and pretty much everything I saw from there on out (except for the ones written by trans people) had at least one. So here's my list of red flags, or, What Not To Do if You're Cis and Writing About Trans People. (For context, I am nonbinary, have a lot of both binary and nonbinary trans friends, and read all the angry reviews by trans people on Goodreads.)

Centralizing your trans story on a cis character. A solid 75% of the stories I saw were stories, primarily about a trans person being trans, centered around their cisgender sibling or love interest. This is problematic because it portrays trans people, simply by virtue of their identity, as a "burden" or "conflict" on the cis people in their life, and trans people don't need that. It's also just really icky to write about a marginalized identity from the point of view of someone who is not of that identity: it's why stories about allistic people "dealing" with having autistic people in their lives, or stories about white people witnessing racial discrimination, are so frowned upon. I don't believe that cis people can't write good trans stories-- generally, I don't believe in gatekeeping who can write about what-- but a good start would be centralizing the actual trans character.

Misgendering the trans character in any way in the title, blurb, or third-person narration. I'm not going to go into full detail on when to misgender your trans characters-- @scriptlgbt has some good posts on that if you want to check it out-- but it should only be done very sparingly and should never be done where you can use the character's chosen name and proper terms instead. This includes all cases of the title, blurb, and narration by a third-person narrator. I should not see any misgendering in the blurb or in the title, and I really don't need to know your character's deadname from reading the back cover. This also includes gender-bendy titles such as "My Brother Is Named Jessica" and "She's My Dad" (both of which are real ones I saw). They misgender the character no matter how you slice it and are a really gross way to talk about trans people (especially considering all of these characters are binary trans-- some people might be okay with any pronouns or terms, but with a few exceptions you should really refer to your binary trans woman as "she", "her", "mother", "sister", etc. with no gender-bending gimmicks). It also includes language such as "boy who wants to be a girl" or "girl who thinks she's a boy", which is incredibly misgender-y and ignorant of the reality of transgender identities.

Cis people pretending to be trans. I can't believe I saw this one three separate times. Just stop. It's still centering cis characters in trans stories, and it creates an unnecessary link between transgender identities and deception, which is already a major issue in society and one that leads to violence against trans people. I don't care what your idea was. Just cut it out.

There are most definitely more, but these are the three I saw the most on my Goodreads Journey of horrors. I'm a little iffy on cis people writing trans stories, but cis people can and should write about trans people, and I think they can do it well, as long as they avoid the red flags. Stay safe and happy writing! - Lenni

#writing #books #writing advice #what not to do #red flags #tw transphobia #tw misgendering #trans #nonbinary #transgender #goodreads

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nerdygaymormon · 9 months

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Queer Religious Songs

I was interested to see the news that a song by the drag queen Flamy Grant was top of the iTunes Christian chart. I listened to the song and really like it.

There are many religious songs I like, but these queer ones speak to a part of me that the others don’t, they ask questions that are important.

1983 - Church of the Poison Mind : Culture Club - A religious gay man has found love, but because of what he was taught at church, can’t resolve his own feelings about being gay. The message is if you’re living in a culture distorted by prejudice, take a chance on joy–embrace love, whatever form it takes.

1987 - It’s a Sin : Pet Shop Boys - This song is about a person’s lifelong feelings of shame and guilt, presumably for being taught that being gay is a sin. For everything I long to do, no matter when or where or who, has one thing in common, too. It’s a, it’s a, it’s a, it’s a sin

1988 - A Little Respect : Erasure - In this song the gay singer is calling to a lover not to leave and asks the question, what religion or reason could drive a man to forsake his lover? So often the religions we’re raised in are anti-queer and people have a tough time breaking from the prejudice when they have their first romantic relationship

1991 - Losing My Religion : R.E.M. - Lead singer Michael Stipe had declined to address his sexuality, so when “Losing My Religion” came out, people assumed Stipe was coming out as gay. Consider this the hint of the century. Consider this the slip. It stands as a classic example of queer coding in the era of “don’t-ask-don’t-tell.” The song was interpreted as the struggle of a closeted gay man coming to terms with what his religion taught about gay people.

1992 - One : U2 - Bono explained that “It’s a father-and-son story. I tried to write about someone I knew who was coming out and was afraid to tell his father. It’s a religious father and son… I have a lot of gay friends, and I’ve seen them screwed up from unloving family situations, which just are completely anti-Christian. If we know anything about God, it’s that God is love.” Knowing it’s a gay son who is talking to his unaccepting dad, the lyrics really hit hard. Did I disappoint you or leave a bad taste in your mouth? And also these words from the chorus, We’re one but we’re not the same. Well we hurt each other then we do it again. It seems eventually the son decides to draw a boundary and remove his father from his life - I can’t keep holding on to what you got, 'cause all you got is hurt. I like that the lyrics say We get to carry each other, carry each other, we are different and may not agree on everything, but we choose to help each other, like it’s asking us to find ways to have our relationship work even though we’re different

1997 - You Have Been Loved : George Michael - George Michael wrote this song about Anselmo Feleppa, who died of an AIDS-related illness in 1993. While an intense song about grief and death, it also involves a spiritual struggle. Anselmo and his mother both say that God is not dead, George counters by challenging What’s the use in pressing palms, if you [God] won’t keep such love from harm? It’s a cruel world. You’ve so much to prove.

1997 - Together Again : Janet Jackson - The album notes include “I dedicate the song ‘Together Again’ to the friends I’ve lost to AIDS.” It’s a sweet song with hopeful words. Everywhere I go, every smile I see, I know you are there smilin’ back at me

2011 - Born This Way : Lady Gaga - Many songs hint at queer identities and acceptance by using metaphors, but not this one, it is direct. No matter gay, straight, or bi, lesbian, transgender life, I’m on the right track, baby, I was born to survive. The song is a real celebration of who we each are made to be. God makes no mistakes

2011 - We All Try : Frank Ocean - Frank Ocean sings of losing faith in mankind as the LGBTQIA+ community struggles to find acceptance. I believe that marriage isn’t between a man and woman, but between love and love, and I believe you when you say you’ve lost all faith, but you must believe in something. He reassures and offers hope to listeners and the LGBTQIA+ community that I just don’t believe we’re wicked, I know that we sin but I do believe we try.

2012 - Same Love : Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Mary Lambert - Macklemore sings against the homophobia taught at church. When I was in church, they taught me something else. If you preach hate at the service, those words aren't anointed and that Holy Water that you soak in is then poisoned. The song concludes with Mary singing I’m not crying on Sundays, which I think means not letting religious intolerance and churches harm us anymore, not subjecting ourselves to those words anymore

2012 - Origin of Love : MIKA - Mika said this song “talks about my life, it talks about the church, it talks about falling in love and it talks about being happy and proud about falling in love with whoever you fall in love with, even if it’s a man. So in a way, this is my statement and my thank you to the man I love.“ To his partner he sings You are the sun and the light, you are the freedom I fight, God will do nothing to stop it.

Mika contrasts the goodness romance brings to his life with how the Bible introduces heterosexual relationships: Like stupid Adam and Eve, they found their love in a tree. God didn’t think they deserved it. He taught them hate, taught them pride, gave them a leaf, made them hide. Let’s push their stories aside. You know the origin is you

2013 – Take Me to Church : Hozier - The lyrics are against church-fueled homophobia and persecution of queer people, and instead Hozier finds meaning by worshiping in the bedroom. Many queer people can identify with these lyrics: Every Sunday’s getting more bleak, a fresh poison each week. "We were born sick", you heard them say it. Hozier explained that churches undermine humanity by teaching shame about sexual orientation by saying that it is sinful, or that it offends God. Hozier is an outspoken LGBTQ+ ally and the music video depicts two gay men being ripped apart by homophobic violence in Russia. It brought international attention to the anti-gay laws in Russia.

2015 - No Place in Heaven : MIKA - Mika is singing about how religion teaches there’s no place in heaven for gay people because the way we love is sinful. Father, won’t you forgive me for my sins? Father, if there’s a heaven let me in

2016 - Son of a Preacher Man : Tom Goss - This 1968 song gets a gay update. The video tells the story of two gay teens struggling to understand their feelings for one another while operating within the confines of an evangelical church.

2016 - Trash : Tyler Glenn - In response to the Nov 2015 Policy of Exclusion by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Tyler created this video denouncing the Church’s restrictive view of same-sex relationships. The pain and anger are so raw in this video, it hurts to watch. These lyrics are an indictment, that he’d repent his days away if we wanted him to stay, but we throw him out like trash. If this is God’s church then there should be room for ALL God’s children.

2016 - Shameless : Tyler Glenn - The video has an old man in a black suit & white shirt tied up to a chair as Tyler sings You judge, but I don’t give a damn. I live a life so shameless. He lists things he does shamelessly now that once he would’ve been judged for: porn, one-night stands, alcohol. Tyler has now left the church and is not letting old men in suits make him feel shame.

2016 - G.D.M.M.L. Grls : Tyler Glenn - Despite the best efforts by this gay man to make church work, it didn’t because God Didn’t Make Me Like Girls.

2016 - Heaven : Troye Sivan feat. Betty Who - Troye sings candidly about what it’s like for a religious teenager to come out as gay. Without losing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven? Without changing a part of me, how do I get to heaven? All my time is wasted, feeling like my heart’s mistaken, oh, so if I’m losing a piece of me, maybe I don’t want heaven? Troye explains “When I first started to realise that I might be gay, I had to ask myself all these questions—these really really terrifying questions. Am I ever going to find someone? Am I ever going to be able to have a family? If there is a God, does that God hate? If there is a heaven, am I ever going to make it to heaven?” The video features footage from LGBTQ+ protests throughout history.

2016 - Sudden Death (OMG) : Tyler Glenn - In this song, Tyler expresses the initial shock of his faith crisis. I never asked to fall from grace. Catch me I’m starting to fall! Don’t know what all this is for! Keep comin at me with your disrespect. You went and started a war. Now I don’t care any more. I keep on living like it’s sudden death.

2016 - Devil : Tyler Glenn - A song that highlights the conflict between religious belief and queerness. I found myself when I lost my faith and not being able to pray the gay away. The constant in his world, what he’s anchoring himself to, is that his mom still loves him, and that’s important because studies show the acceptance & love of a parent makes a huge difference when someone comes out.

2016 - Queer Gospel : Erin McKeown - This song is a response to the ongoing trend of "religious freedom" legislation being passed by some US states. Love us as we are. See us and we're holy. In this shall we shall ever be, wholly ourselves

2016 - Midnight : Tyler Glenn - The Neon Trees frontman gives an emotional song about his departure from the Mormon church but not from God. The ballad is accompanied by a video that shows Glenn removing his religious garments and replacing them with a glittery jacket, which is such a powerful metaphor.

2017 - The Village : Wrabel - There are lyrics in this song of what religious people have told him, and boy do they hurt. They say, 'Don't dare, don't you even go there, cutting off your long hair. You do as you're told' Tell you, ‘Wake up, go put on your makeup, this is just a phase you're gonna outgrow.’ There’s a line in the song that hits me hard: One line in the Bible isn’t worth a life. The video is beautiful, very poignant, it breaks my heart and gives me hope. But these lyrics of what people

2017 - Pray : Sam Smith - You won’t see Sam in church, but they say they’re a child of God at heart and they’re begging God to show them a way. I'm not a saint, I'm more of a sinner. I don't wanna lose, but I fear for the winners.

2017 - HIM : Sam Smith - This is a song about a boy in Mississippi coming out and the conflict between his sexuality and his religious upbringing. He is grappling with the feeling that there’s no place in church for him because he’s gay. The “Him” being sung is used both for God and for a boy he likes. Holy Father, we need to talk. I have a secret that I can't keep. I'm not the boy that you thought you wanted. Please don't get angry, have faith in me

2018 - Explaining Jesus : Jordy Searcy - Jordy grew up playing music with his family and in his church. In 2014, Jordy landed a spot on NBC’s The Voice. In this song, Searcy is apologizing for how poorly we have been “Explaining Jesus” to others. He begins by singing If you're gay and over 85, you've felt for your whole life, that when God made you, he just messed up.

2019 - Hey Jesus : Trey Pearson - Trey made headlines in 2016 when, as the lead singer of the Christian rock band Everyday Sunday, he came out as gay. Three years later and Trey has a question: Hey Jesus can you hear me now? It’s been awhile since I came out, I was wonderin’ do you love me the same? As a person who struggles to reconcile faith with sexual orientation, I find this song quite moving. The song ends with And I'm so sorry for all the wrongs. We're broken singers with broken songs. We paint our pride and call it truth. I'm sorry no one explained Jesus to you

2020 - God Loves Me Too : Brian Falduto - Brian played the gay kid in the movie School of Rock. Now as an adult, Brian is back and singing a song that no one has to earn God’s love. Brian wrote the song after visiting a church that was welcoming and accepting of queer people. I look around and see I’ve found a place where peace and love abound. I’ve waited my whole life for the truth. It is true, God loves you. It don’t matter if you’re LGBTQ

2020 - Chasing Rainbows : Big Freedia feat. Kesha - Freedia is a gay Black man who wears women’s hair and carries a purse and uses “he” and “she” pronouns. Kesha is bi. Together they put out an uplifting song. Freedia lists the various ways she’s been put down throughout her life by schoolyard bullies, religious figures and record labels. Kesha makes clear we won’t be put down any longer when she sings You know me, bein’ free. Won’t be silent, I pray for my enemies.

2020 - Jesus Christ 2005 God Bless America : The 1975 - This song has Matty Healy pondering religious faith and love from his perspective as a queer person and describes hiding his sexual identity because of his religious beliefs. Phoebe Bridgers, who is bisexual, contributes a fragile and vulnerable verse. She sings of her love for the girl next door. Her love is unrequited as she is unable to reveal her true feelings to her neighbor.

2020 - Orphans of God : Ty Herndon & Kristin Chenoweth feat. Paul Cardall - The message of the song is that there are no orphans of God. We are all loved, we are all thought about, we are all created equally and God loves us all just the same. Ty Herndon is a country singer who came out as gay in 2014

2021 - I Know it Hurts : Paul Cardall & Tyler Glenn - This makes me think of a queer person coming to recognize their insecure place in church, how all those negative teachings were about you. I just wanted to believe, but how am I supposed to believe this about me? And then we find each other, queer members of our church who can understand what we’re going through, who know the hurts and the teachings and comments. For most queer people, they leave church and go on a different path. They’re not lost, a faint light at the end is guiding their way, they’re finding another way back home.

2021 - It’s a Sin : Elton John and Years & Years - This arrangement of the 1987 song by the Pet Shop Boys was recorded by the gay icons Elton John and Years & Years for the 2021 Brit Awards. The words are about a person’s lifelong feelings of shame and guilt for being taught that being gay is a sin.

2021 - Born this Way (The Country Road Version) : Orville Peck - For the 10th anniversary of this iconic song, gay singer Orville gives it a country music makeover

2022 - Good Day (feat. Derek Webb) : Flamy Grant - Matthew Blake was a worship leader for 22 years who has become a “shame-slaying, hip-swaying, singing-songwriting drag queen” named Flamy Grant. The lyrics talks of coming back to church after having left for feeling oppressed. They’ve come back to church because despite what some say, God’s love is expansive enough for everyone. God made me good in every way, so I raise my voice to celebrate a good day. This song hit #1 on the iTunes Christian chart.

2022 - If I Was Gay : Andreas Wijv - 29 year old Swedish singer and model Andreas Wijk wrote this song and debuted it in a TikTok video where he plays it for his parents as his way of coming out. It’s a vulnerable song that many will relate to. If I was gay would I be what they say, just a stereotype. If I was gay how do I get to heaven when there’s “no church in the wild”

2023 - Faith : Semler - Grace Semler Baldridge performs by the name Semler and is genderqueer and non-binary. She grew up with a dad who was a pastor in the Episcopal Church, and sings of how the rejection of her identity by the church left them scarred. When my religion turned against me, they said my hopes and dreams were faulty. I showed these holes inside my hands, and they claimed they couldn’t see. Even as they struggled with the church, Semler kept a relationship with Jesus and found she flourished far more than she did in church. And now the thought of going back to a church is unappealing. But I don’t wanna get small to be in those rooms. After singing about their religion turning against them and that Semler wasn’t holy, we hear the lyrics Our God is good and able, and our God is flipping tables at the mess of love we made a religion that often didn’t accept her identity. This song was released in June and before Pride month was over it reached the top of the iTunes Christian music chart.

2024 - Hell Together : David Archuleta - This is a song of David’s experience at church as a gay person: Bow your head, don’t be bold. You’ll survive by doin’ what you’re told. It became too much and he worries what his mom would think if he leaves the church: All I want is to make you proud. If I would run, would I let you down? In response, she replies: “If I have to live without you. I don’t wanna live forever in someone else’s heaven. So let 'em close the gates. Oh, if they don’t like the way you’re made, then they’re not any better. If Paradise is pressurе, oh, we’ll go to hell togethеr.” A beautiful story of a mom supporting her queer child. In response to his mom, he answers that he’s worried about what’s ahead but is confident to take those steps together: You and me, that’s all we need. Blood is thicker than the pages that they read. I’m afraid (I’m afraid) of letting go, of the version that I used to know. I’m not crying, you are.

#queerstake

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irlkisukeurahara · 5 months

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I desperately want to rant about my Pokémon AU but don't know where to start lmao so my ask box is open

Here's the general premise

Some stuff I've already discussed (yeah it's almost all Hop and Leon, shut up):

There are people known as Mythic Chosen. They're, well, chosen by Mythical Pokémon for various reasons and are destined for greatness and great responsibility.

Leon raised Hop and thus they end up reimagining their relationship as father-son. Leon later has a daughter and her and Hop see each other as siblings, Hop has a son and sees Leon as his grandfather, etc.

Hop is polyamorous and ends up with two OCs, the champion of Alola and his student/employee, as well as Bede and Arven.

The Callaghan family (Hop, Leon, their dad, their sister, their brother) is a psychic family from Ireland. All psychics get their powers from a Pokémon in their bloodline, and the magnitude of the powers is based on the Pokémon in question. The Pokémon they get their powers from is Cresselia.

When Eternatus was captured by Victor, he transferred his consciousness into Leon through his open wound and Dynamax Energy after attacking him before. Leon is now the host of Eternatus, who possesses him whenever Leon has panic attacks that relate to Hop being in danger. Eternatus eats people and it slowly lets him regain his mind and cognitive function beyond killing and maiming.

Hop has DID and has 9 other alters. I haven't talked about it but two of Hop's other partners (the OCs) both have OSDD.

Leon has Walking Corpse Syndrome. Whenever he's depressed, he's nihilistic and thinks he is a dead man after being "killed" by Eternatus, being strung along in an infinite cycle of life and death.

Hop and Leon don't go to Area Zero with Arven and the rest of the group because Hop is in a wheelchair. So, Hop leaves Dubwool with Arven. As Dubwool stays out of his pokéball at all times, his pokéball wasn't locked and Arven fought his parents alongside Koraidon and Miraidon with Dubwool.

There is a power system centered around the concept of Willpower. It can manifest in a Bond, where your Pokémon gains a bunch of buffs or changes significantly. Or a Domain, where the world around them or the other Pokémon change significantly.

Some significant OCs:

Astrid Grey, the daughter of Akito Grey, the founder of Rotom Co. A freshly ten year old girl who admired Pokémon trainers and wanted to be the Unovan Champion. Everyone in the group follows her during her journey to keep her safe in Unova's weather. She might be chosen for something greater, however...

Skylar Valks -> Toby Valks, the Champion of Alola and a Mythic Chosen. She was chosen by Zeraora. Her mother, Kazarah, was previously chosen by Zeraora before moving down the bloodline to Skylar when it was time for her personal journey. She comes out as a transgender male during the story, and Hop starts thinking about him very differently immediately following it. Him and Hop had chemistry that Hop never picked up on because he is gay. But when Toby comes out, Hop picks up on it and panics around him. Hop doesn't know how it happened, considering he hates the league and mega evolution and Toby clearly participates in both.

Miles Flynn, Hop's student and employee. Miles is a transfer student from the Mesagoza Academy, Uva House. His father is Raifort's older brother, and he was bullied severely for being the nephew of a teacher found to be weird. He has a cousin, Levy, whose mother is the sister of Raifort. Miles' parents moved out to Galar to finish Miles' education as Mesagoza Academy is insanely expensive. Miles became an intern at Hop's lab, and later became his protegé. He was severely neglected by his parents, and thus was very codependent with Hop. He goes through a personal arc of realizing that he is an independent adult and that his relationship with Hop must be mutually beneficial, and that he can't leech off him for everything. He is chosen by Koraidon.

Violet Spark, child of the Spark fashion company, one of the most famous and rich people alive, and a Mythic Chosen. She was chosen by Hoopa. She used to attend the Mesagoza Academy in the Uva House, and has a close family member named Scarlet who was in the Naranja House. She's a prissy and self-important business woman, for good reason. She's an extremely powerful trainer, but she's arrogant to a fault. The Unovan cold is taking a huge toll on her, now violently ill from the temperature, and thus is desperate to resolve it. She is a Paldean Champion.

Dark, a mysterious thirteen year old boy whose real name is unknown. He joins the group after defeating Astrid in a Pokémon battle with his oversized Steenee. However, he seems extremely nervous around Violet, who is determined to figure out what his deal is. He doesn't know that an external force is searching for him.

Levy Loranto, the cousin of Miles and best friend to Violet. She attended the Mesagoza Academy in the Uva House. She has an air of intrigue around her, a legend if you will. She moved to Galar later in life, however, her and Miles weren't in contact for years. Miles didn't even know she moved until Violet mentioned her. Both Miles and Levy didn't go outside enough to meet each other. But in the Galar Arc, they reconnect as cousins again.

Damien Walten, a mutual childhood friend of Leon and Hop. He met Leon first as he was struggling to catch a Wooloo for Hop. At the time, Leon was 9, Damien was 6, and Hop was 3. Damien distracted the Wooloo with grains and allowed for Leon to catch him. Damien was Leon's only friend as a child, as Leon was stuck between raising Hop and champion duties. As Leon became more and more busy, he entrusted Hop to Damien. Then, Hop and Damien became the closest of friends for many years. When Hop ran away from Postwick, he blocked everyone's numbers, including Damien. Damien moved to Ballonlea afterwards as Postwick has nothing to offer him. He maintains a relatively normal friendship with the rest of the Galar 5. He is chosen by Miraidon.

Rory Callaghan, the father of Hop and Leon. He abused them both severely before suddenly moving away to Kalos when they were 7 and 13 respectively. He was forced to move away by his mistress, who said she'd make him famous again after a child acting career failed to drugs. When the group comes to Kalos, he plays nice, but he knows that Leon and Hop won't budge. He wants his control back over his life, and thus tries to force his sons back into his life to maintain his old "perfect" life. He later is fused with an Annihilape and gains its powers combined with his pre-existing psychic prowess.

Jamie Callaghan, the estranged sister of Hop and Leon. She was neglected severely by Rory due to being seen as a mistake and collateral. She has a half sister (on mother's side) who she looked up to that died in a horrible accident. She named herself after her in remembrance. She's a very physically strong woman, 6'6 and able to wrestle with Machamps and win by a long shot. However, she's the only Callaghan to never manifest psychic powers. And it's unsure as to why...

The cast in Unova starts as Astrid, Skylar, Kazarah, Hop, Leon, Violet, and Dark. Bede joins the group in Unova as he was doing a fundraiser to save Glimwood Tangle there.

The cast in Galar adds Levy and Damien.

The cast in Kalos adds Jamie.

The cast in Paldea adds Arven.

And even more... Stay tuned...

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dropintomanga · 17 days

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To Strip the Flesh - A Powerful Story About Identity

"I don't want to die having given up. I don't want to drown in a puddle. I don't want to die looking like this. I want to die as a man."

I got a chance to finally read Oto Toda's acclaimed short story "To Strip the Flesh" on Transgender Visibility Day and it's a wonderful story not about gender identity, but trying to find your path with the help of compassionate understanding.

The story is about Chiaki Ogawa, an transgender individual born female who identifies themselves as male. Chiaki is currently a Youtuber whose main focus is butchering wild animals that his father hunts and does livestreams of the butchering for a living. Chiaki lives with their father and is happy with his job. However, his dad has colon cancer and wants Chiaki to get married as a normal female would as Chiaki's dead mother wanted it to be their final wish. Chiaki has always felt conflicted about his gender identity after learning about GID (gender identity disorder) during 6th grade. This tension becomes even heavier when a young Chiaki, trying to prove themselves in the wild, almost gets killed by his father in a forest when he was hunting a wild boar. The incident causes Chiaki to stop wanting to be a boy for the sake of his father as the latter blamed himself for his actions.

While I do think family is important and society has ruined the family dynamic, parents are often insecure and sometimes project their insecurities onto their children. We see Chiaki's father stick to gender norms about what a man does and a woman does. When Chiaki wanted to learn how to hunt, his father was adamant that only men hunt and never saw his child as what he wants to be. A parent, especially a single parent, wants to protect their child and not allow them to partake in activities that can cause them harm.

It also does not help that almost all parents do not understand anything to LGBTQ+ issues. And at the same time, a LGBTQ+ child has to be mindful that they may need the support/love of parents despite any discerning attitudes. Chiaki knew too well after his ordeal, but still walked away from his dad to find happiness once he had heard enough about marriage as a bride. And even if the parents do support them, the outside world isn't always kind.

Chiaki thankfully has one friend in the outside world, Takato. Takato helps film Chiaki's livestreams and tries to offer any kind of emotional support to Chiaki. He even takes the time to research GID when Chiaki decides to go to Thailand for gender surgery. Takato is worried about post-surgery side effects like despair and suicidal ideation. After Chiaki comes back from Thailand to begin his full transition to being a man, he recalls an experience back in middle school where Takato was there to help him. Chiaki was distraught over having a period and Takato gave him his pants to wear to avoid embarrassment in public.

The final part of the story is when Chiaki comes back to face his father, post-surgery. Chiaki was worried about see him cry again, but his father said he's not crying because Chiaki got what he wanted - surgery to become the man he always wanted to be. Chiaki's father wondered why he was obsessed with Chiaki being married as the path to happiness. He even goes on to say that children shouldn't focus on satisfying their parents. Chiaki is then granted a hunting rifle by his dad and the story ends with a confident Chiaki, who's become a full-time hunter like his father, in the wild and streamed on YouTube saying that he's in the market for a girlfriend before embarking on his next hunt.

When asked about the theme of To Strip the Flesh, Toda said in their own words "Don't succumb to your parents!" Try to find your own path. While your parents have good intentions at times, their words can often be a curse in disguise. I think about the role of family in the grand scheme of things. Often, family is about being there for your own family members and relatives. However, I sometimes wonder if we're forgetting that while direct family is important, it's also important to have a "family" of friends of sorts. That's what leads to stronger communities.

I feel that parents forget this because they are forced to make "schedules" and do "life hacks" that don't involve making time in getting to know their children. Active listening isn't on the agenda since it's not what modern life demands. It's also very difficult to do.

I also think a lot of mental health problems do come from parents who want their children to be outlets for their problems and/or be totally like them to prevent uncertainty. Adverse childhood experiences can involve family a great deal.

I'm glad that Chiaki has some great support in his father and Takato. Those two made a good amount of effort to try and understand where Chiaki was coming from. You don't have to be perfect, but at least try to be there for someone if they're a priority in your life.

It's okay to strip the flesh of our minds because addressing our own insecurities allows us to come to terms with who we are and what we want to be. I had to do this many times over the years. The flesh figuratively and literally does protect, but sometimes we need to rip it open to see what our hearts are desperately telling us. Deep down, we're all unique human beings that might be considered weird at times and that's okay. We're all trying our best to live our lives and we should be accepted for that. And as Toda's story highlights, I hope that we can realize this together.

#To Strip the Flesh #transgender visibility #manga #Oto Toda #mental health #gender identity #parenting #family #identity #self-discovery

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littlehideawaysblog · 3 months

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With creating this new blog about my progress in my faith and spirituality I figured an overview was in order.

Early Life:

I was raised in a protestant Christian household where my mom was protestant and my dad was catholic. My siblings and I were raised protestant. This was my only form of identity for many years leading to an existential crisis and breakdown when my newly developing sense of self collided with my preexisting persona.

The sign of the end:

In 4th grade I realized I was a boy and no one else could see me that way. Everyone else would only see a little girl. I did not have the language to describe the feeling so it stayed hidden until 6th grade when the terms gay, lesbian, and trans, finally made it into my perception. With the advent of new words and identities I labeled myself for the first time, transgender. However within the week I had lost so many of my ‘friends’. Being raised in a fundamentalist church means all of your friends are also your faith. So when I figured myself out they turned on me believing I was choosing to sin just to spite God. In that time I had lost the support of friends, family, and my church. This led to a mental health collapse and several inpatient stays.

While in ward during one such stay I met a girl who was a hellenistic polytheist. I had some passing interest in the hellenistic pantheon and so we became friends. I began to research the greek and norse pantheons however due to restrictive homelife and a volatile environment I was not open about practicing or researching.

“Theistic Satanism”:

At some point in the 8th or 9th grade I stumbled upon a website that had been recommended through a tumblr page at that time. The website was, Joys of Satan. I need to take the time here to state. I was unaware of their shitty behavior and racism back then. I would not recommend going to their page for information as much of it is tainted by their background in racism.

I took a quick interest into what I would call Theistic Satanism. I devoted quite a lot of time towards reading any texts I could get a hold of. I would not say I’ve been practicing all these years, instead I’d say I’ve been learning all these years.

Around a year into that interest I hit my first major roadblock. My mother found my journal that had slowly become more of a book of shadows for me. She felt it was her job to keep me from ‘sinning’ in her house and threw everything that could even be remotely related out. No more scented or unscented candles, no incense, no personal journal. She combed through my sketchbooks and school notebooks removing anything she though was ‘devil worship’ For a few months this went so far as to ban both the Harry Potter books and the Percy Jackson books. I'd continue to read and learn in secret, this time extra careful to not be caught.

My first patron:

Late 9th grade I began going out with an older guy. My first real relationship. I honestly thought I loved him, and maybe I did but in the end he wasn’t healthy for me. I will not go into details of what all occurred however long story very short, I needed out he wouldn’t let me leave. I didn’t feel strong enough to leave, because if I did, who would love me?

During this time I would have vivid disturbing nightmares about him and things he had done. In several of these nightmares they’d be interrupted by a masculine force, though I was not able to place who or what it was. On occasion that feeling would return to me in the waking world as well. I decided to slowly brute force figuring out who or what the feeling was. So name by name I went. Starting with the Greeks, then Romans, then Norse. Eventually making it to the Goetics and finally to Glasya-Labolas to which I felt incredibly strong towards.

I do not know for certain why or how that had ended up but I became very grateful to him for his presence. One evening I finally had enough. We had been working on self sufficiency and getting past the need to be loved, and useful. That my worth was not tied to how useful I was to someone else. I believe he helped me realize I was allowed to say no and leave instead of saying no but staying because I didn’t want to make him mad.

Soon after leaving that situation I stopped feeling the presence altogether, I grew up and moved on.

Throughout high school I continued to try to find reading materials on demons however due to a hawkeyed mom I had to be very careful. I decided senior year that when I moved to college I wouldn’t need to hide my study so much and I’d finally be free to really learn. I was both right and wrong. University libraries gave me access to book loan systems that could get me new books on the topic but my dorm mate would intentionally play loud christian music when I would meditate. Win and lose some I guess.

By the end of that first year of college I had learned of a new name to call the faith I had been working through, Demonolatry. Under the new name I had so many more books to read and authors to look up. Though I began to feel dejected, I was angry with the early highschool version of myself for not maintaining the work I had been doing with Glasya-Labolas. I decided to reach out again, to no response. For a few months I gave up. Summer was back, It meant I was back in my parent’s house and their watchful eyes.

Returning to school I decided to try again. My new roommate was fine with the idea of paganism but was afraid of demonolatry. Which I believe is fair considering her catholic upbringing.

At some point in this time I began to reach out more broadly to anyone who was willing to work with me in order to help guide my studies. For a while I felt nothing, in fact for a whole year. By junior year of college I finally felt it, well smelled it. A sudden intense cinnamon scent. This meant absolutely nothing to me. Once Again as my high schooler self did before, brute force.

This eventually led me to King Paimon and a lot of things started to make sense. I am still working with King Paimon as of this time however I have reached out to others as in my personal beliefs working with a demon does not need to always be this major lifetime commitment of monogamy.

I’m happy to answer questions about my personal experience but because I am still figuring out my own beliefs I will warn you to take answers about faiths with a grain of salt.

I've been learning about forms of demonolatry for about 8 years though I’ve only really been practicing for about 1.5 years.

Your faith and practice are going to be different from other peoples. I think that is the most important thing to learn, no one needs to understand your faith but you and the beings you work with.

#demonolatry #paganism #pagan #theistic luciferianism #luciferianism #luciferianist #glasyalabolas #king paimon #demonology #theistic satanism #satanism

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daughter-of-sapph0 · 1 year

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You converted into Judaism I believe? I’ve occasionally considered converting (Haven’t looked into it yet), and am curious as to what led to your decision to convert

hi, thanks for asking. I started my conversion process around three years ago. it's been a rough process, but so far it's going well. as for why I decided, it's a long story. so I'll try my best to keep it short

I was raised catholic. my grandfather was Irish catholic, and raised my mother catholic. my father on the other hand was raised lutheran. you would think that would make their marriage extremely controversial, an Irish catholic woman marrying a protestant man. but it was actually really chill for both families. my dad was never really religious, but my mom was a devoted catholic who had us go to church and ccd every week, up until I went to middle school. I went to the tiniest private middle school in existence. there were 15 kids in all of eighth grade. the building was over 100 years old. it almost closed twice during my three years there. and honestly, it kinda sucked. so much that my two younger siblings both went to public middle schools to try and avoid the shit I went through.

since I went to a catholic private school, I was taught a fair amount of religious history alongside the basic middle school education. it wasn't the first thing that helped me open up to other religions, but being forced to study the history of other world religions was a big eye opener for me. I got confirmed in 8th grade, and then immediately stopped caring about religion. I was an atheist for most of my first two years of high school. I wasn't one of the annoying reddit atheists, I still respected other people's religions. I just didn't know what to believe in myself.

around this time I went through a major depression after my grandmother died, and struggled with my grades and suicidal thoughts. I got into twitter (which, let's be honest, is not the healthiest coping mechanism) and met a lot of friends who helped me discover myself. I eventually came out as transgender and my friends online and irl were super supportive. and a lot of my trans friends online were also Jewish. I started to learn more about their religion just from talking with them, and I actually found it really interesting. it wasn't anything like christianity. people were encouraged to question things and argue and debate.

it was a bit after a graduated high school when I started to think about whether or not I wanted to convert, and about a year later when I spoke to a local rabbi. I will be honest, the pandemic has made it extremely fucking difficult. mostly everything is online, and that makes it a huge pain. but I wouldn't be going through this huge tedious process of converting if I didn't know for certain that it is exactly what I want to do. I love Judaism. I love my Jewish friends. I love my religion. I love my own unique personal relationship that I have with god and myself. it's hard to even put into words. the same feeling I had when I came out as trans is the same feeling I have towards Judaism.

if you're considering converting, look into it first. it's a very difficult process. and that's intentional. Judaism is not a proselytizing religion. it's supposed to be a very hard and difficult process with lots of obstacles. you have to be 1000% sure that Judaism is the correct religion for you.

and that's where I'm at now. I sometimes say that I'm Jewish, but really I'm still in the process of converting. but based on how much I've learned and how much I've experienced, I'm more than certain that this is the religion for me.

#dostxt #Judaism

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mortallyclearwonderland · 1 year

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Ruby Gillman: Teenage Kraken

We’re getting a trailer for the movie in about a week.

Who made the movie?

The film, which had been made under the working title of Meet the Gillmans, is directed by Oscar-nominated filmmaker Kirk DeMicco (Vivo, The Croods, Space Chimps) and produced by Kelly Cooney Cilella (Bilby, Trolls World Tour). Faryn Pearl (storyboard artist on The Croods: A New Age, Trolls World Tour) is co-directing.

I know those movies aren't most populations favorites but I'll wait for the trailer. I expect it to be on a funny and silly side.

Voice cast:

Lana Condor (She was in those terrible To all the boys movies.), Toni Collette (I haven't seen anything she was in.), Annie Murphy (I haven't seen anything she was in.), Sam Richardson (A comedian actor who was in so unfunny productions like Velma and HouseBroken.), Liza Koshy ( I know nothing about her or her work.), Will Forte (Again, I know nothing about him or his work.), Colman Domingo (He's fine. I never watched anything he was in.), Jaboukie Young-White (He was in the Disney's Strange World as a token gay.), Blue Chapman (Blue is a trans boy who is best recognized for his role in the series Council of Dads where he plays a transgender character named JJ. By the way he's only 13 and was way younger when transitioning! I don't care if it's offensive to you. It is creepy and wrong!), Eduardo Franco (He's an actor known for his comedic roles and being in Stranger Things. I haven't seen anything he was in.), Ramona Young (I haven't seen anything she was in.), Echo Kellum (He's apparantly a comedian and was on Arrow. You know, that terrible CW show.), Nicole Byer (Unfunny comedian I've never heard before with a terrible book.), and Jane Fonda (The bitch who called for the murder of Pro-Lifers.).

So what? The voice actors are their own individuals with their own opinions. Just because an actress is a piece of human garbage doesn't mean the whole company shares her views. And it's not like a movie will be talking about her political opinions.

It's a great opportunity to see if those people are any good. It's the script that matters! But the history of the cast isn't getting my hopes up or fill me with any excitement. As long as they'll say their lines and won't be too annoying it will be fine.

I want to say this. Even though I'm pro life and don't agree with transitioning kids who are way too young to know the consequences of their actions I would never call for murder or any harm for those people.

What's the story?

The story follows a shy 16-year-old named Ruby Gillman (Condor) who learns that she is the next in a legendary line of royal sea krakens. Despite her lofty destiny, all Ruby wants to do is fit in. At school, she falls for a skater-boy that she’s tutoring who shows no indication of feeling the same way about her. Ruby struggles even more to fit in because her mother (Collette) forbids her from going to the beach with any would-be friends. But when Ruby decides to disobey her mom’s instructions, she learns that she’s descended from the warrior kraken queens and will one day ascend to her grandmother’s throne (Fonda) as the Warrior Queen of the Seven Seas.

In the film, the krakens are a race sworn to protect the world’s oceans from the vain, power-hungry mermaids, and the two sides have been battling for eons. The generational confrontation comes to a head when a popular mermaid named Chelsea enrolls at Ruby’s school.

I really hope this movie won't go the ''Pretty girls are mean and superficial. I'm shy and not like the other girls. That boy just has to learn to not judge by the appearances.'' I believe that Dreamworks is better than that and will make great deconstruction of that trope. In The Croods New Age they had the chance to make stupid love triangle drama but didn't.

I'm worried about the lack of male characters. The plot only talks about female mermaids and queen krakens. No mention of males even in art. I hope it won't be the case that males don't transform because that would be such a waste.

Here is the link

https://www.cartoonbrew.com/feature-film/teenage-kraken-dreamworks-kirk-demicco-226970.html

I hope it's reliable. But if it's just some fun made think and I got played well I guess only time will tell. And if that's the case I will just make another post.

#Ruby Gillman: Teenage Kracken #Meet the Gillmans #dreamworks #dreamworks animation #ruby gillman teenage kraken

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riphimopen · 1 year

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I'm watching the original black christmas again and having so many thoughts and I remember you've mentioned billy is trans b4 and 1 of my readings of him is that he's actually agnes and his recountings of those events is from a third person view because he gets to make it him who did the attacking u know? and like I have a lot of readings of this guy and that's why I love him so much but also this one makes me so sick and emotional bcs I think billy's dealing with his trauma by making himself the attacker and that's also kind of why he does evertything he does int the movie u know? also I think it makes at least a little bit of sense bcs in the stories he says the mom and dad call the kid he killed "the baby' but when he talks as agnes she's clearly like at least 5/6 maybe even older bcs she can talk really well and his voice sounds like a young kid not a baby. so like billy is agnes but he still killed "the baby" who he calls agnes because he's putting it all unto her and now he wasn't hurt in those memories and he was the one with the power u know? also in the end story where the mom and dad and screaming and saying where's the baby where's agnes billy's voice is a lot younger sounding and based on the way he says evrythign it sounds like a scne where he\s holding the baby out to them like here's the baby see she's alright which is what you do with a little baby not a kid so I think billy killed agnes when he was pretty young based on that and the stories where his voice is older sounding and agnes talks are him projecting and all that. anyway sorry for dumpng all this in your inbox I just have many thoughts and I like the way you talk babot billy the most bcs ur version is great and epcially yhe way you draw him

YOU CANT COME IN HERE DROPPING THE SINGLE MOST INTELLIGENT TAKE ON THE PLANET AND EXPECTING ME TO NOT IMPLODE LIKE A SODA CAN............. transgender billy lenz regaining agency and bodily autonomy by portraying himself as having killed his past self within a third party+ reinvented himself from the corpse..... YOUR ANALYSIS OF THE USE OF VOICES YES!!!! YES LITERALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THE DUALITY OF HIM PROJECTING AND SIMULTANEOUSLY DEFENDING TAKING STANCES AS BOTH THE AGRESSOR AND VICTIM NOT ONLY OF HIMSELF BUT OF THE PARENTS......... WHAT YOUR MOTHER AND I MUST KNOW IS. taking back control over his younger abused and trans self by killing it off actively and rising from the ashes as best he can while still so intrinsically tethered to the situation that it ends up defining his identity more than ever...... trans people who kill themselves off as two people. trans people who are their own murderer and get away with it. trans people who are haunted by their own ghost. FUCK dude FUCK. FUCK!!!!!!!! TRAUMA RESPONSE!!!!!!!!!!

#asks #WHAT IN THE GODDAMN!!!!!! IM!!!!!!! YOU ARE SO FUCKING SMART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#+ THNK U FOR SAYING U LIKE MY VERSION OF HIM??????? I LIKE YOUR VERSION OF HIM!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!! THIS IS SUCH A GENIUS TAKE!!!!!#agnes killed the baby. billy killed the baby. agnes was the baby. billy was the baby the entire time and he killed it in order to kill agne #this is the only take.

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stomach-rental · 1 year

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I'm curious! Why do you always draw Louis with a little scar on his brow?

I'm actually surprised nobody has ever asked me, as Peachnewt definitely has never brought it up as a detail in the books.

Louis' scar brow is partially just because I know many cool and "tough" characters that have that, so I had decided to include it when I was originally drafting designs out for him back in high school. (I'd never used the trope before and I thought it would be a fun inclusion at the time). Louis canonically does not have the family issues I ended up eventually attaching to him, so if we're going canon only, the reasoning ends there. But if you're really curious...

(tw. for discussion of fictional transphobia and abuse under the cut)

Later on though, when developing my own fanon lore for him while doing MxRP with friends, I eventually decided to give him a reason behind it with his past. since I decided to make him transgender in Chicagoverse and wanted to connect some of my own background to him, his relations with his family in that version of things were...less than good. His dad was cold and constantly working. His mother was easily frustrated and tended to put her stresses on him. His brothers were a bit too harsh with jokes and teasing to the point that it was less teasing and more...overstepping boundaries. When he reveals his actual gender to his father, it ends with him getting back handed, and his father's ring leaves a pretty big cut on his brow. Luckily this is the only instance of physical abuse that happens, as his mother ends up divorcing after this. The scar eventually heals, for the most part, but it still left a mark. His other family members begrudgingly accept his identity, though there are still some unintended elements of emotional abuse throughout the rest of the time since his mother doesn't take the separation well.

Louis considers the scar to be in the same boat as his top surgery scars, a sign of his change in identity and coming into better terms of himself, as well as shedding some of the more difficult parts of his past. I don't talk about this decision I made for his story because it's far from canon-- he has a loving relationship with his mother as far as I know from the actual books, even if he's currently avoiding most of his family in hopes to not reveal his size issues. But I put a lot of effort into coming up with some of the ideas I had for his and Will's alternative pasts, and I'm actually surprised with how well some of it has fit into the real story! (A good example is how recently Will was confirmed to have a twin sister-- in Chicagoverse, I gave him a sister too, though she was slightly older and worked in the military.) I just get worried talking about it because I don't want people to take my ideas as what the books actually say.

Despite this, I may still rewrite and post one of my favorite side stories I came up with during Thanksgiving of senior year, where Louis ends up pulling the "fake dating" trope and pulling Will into it as a favor so he has someone to watch his back in regards to him accidentally shrinking while he stays with his family for the holiday. It's very cute. We'll just see how much energy I have this month.

#asks #chicagoverse #may start tagging specific discussion posts involving the au just so people don't get confused.#VERY happy about will having a twin sister btw. that came out of nowhere but I was So Happy that my guess was correct

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esculentevil · 2 years

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Septic Stories: Supporting Sam

((Before we get into anything: this story is my first dive into a long standing headcanon I’ve had for the Brody Babies where they’re twins and PHYSCALLY one’s a boy and the other’s a girl BUT they grow up feeling like they ended up in the wrong bodies—id est: Samuel feels like a girl and Samantha [who we’re starting off with here] feels like a boy. They’re basically transgender [and, if you’re familiar with my previous works, you’ll find that there’s a reference to one in here— Top o’ t’e Transition!; where Jackie’s FTM trans—but I’d like to clarify that, despite this AU ref, this is still a general headcanon I have for the Sams: they’re like this in every ‘verse I write in], so, if you’re sensitive to transgender preteens coming out about being trans... don’t read this.))

((WARNING: This story contains various references to blood, descriptions of periods, angst, anxiety, crying, and a preteen telling their dad about feeling wrong in their own body [dysphoria]))

((If you’re still ready to read this but prefer reading on AO3, you can do that here! Otherwise...))

“Dad... can we talk?”

Chase blinks and pauses to look up at his daughter from his crouched position. He’s packing a cupboard in the kitchen with large jars of bright red pasta sauce (something they may or may not be storing for Anti’s scenes or Marvin’s spells), having just finished performing a grocery run with Henrik’s assist via phone.

He quietly sets the fifth unpacked jar down when he sees Samantha’s face.

She looks TERRIFIED. “Of course; wha’da’ya need, sweetie?”

Samantha fidgets, bright and too wet eyes darting everywhere.

Chase sighs so he doesn’t frown and alarm her. He rounds the counter and wraps an arm around her, guiding her to the couch in the living room. They sit, fireplace automatically turning on, and he holds her gently against himself. “Sweetie, I’m all ears.”

The preteen sniffs.

“I hate bein' a girl.”

Chase sighs.

He runs his hand up and down Samantha’s arm in a comforting gesture, warming the lean bicep and peach fuzz he finds there. “Why? Wha’ happened?” His daughter’s a headstrong girl—just like him, really—and extremely stubborn: she gets into all kinds of fights and arguments and often proves too much for, well, everyone including her teachers and fellow students. Chase and Stacy would be worried, really, if it weren’t for the fact that the fights are rarely physical and the arguments are usually valid and meant to protect or improve things.

However, not all of her classmates find her as remarkable/impressive as he does so he assumes this is just some stupid thing a bully put into her head.

(O, how wrong he is...)

“My period came.”

“Daddy?”

Chase jolts and snaps back to reality with a violent, sweaty shake of his head. He stares down at his daughter—his sweet BABY girl—and flushes nervously; whatever pallor he’d gotten as a result of hearing this unexpected declaration is now overpowered by an acute influx of embarrassed blood to his entire head.

He feels somewhat lightheaded, now, and isn’t sure which blood’s the cause: hers or his.

1, 2, 3; 1, 2, 3; 1, 2, 3; 1, 2, 3. Henrik’s voice counts in his frazzled mind as Chase determinedly breathes in four squares along with it. It calms him, slowly, and he holds Samantha close to him as the calming technique works wonders.

Then, he chuckles unsurely.

“I... Have you talked to your mother?” Chase isn’t really sure when that started—calling Stacy their mother instead of, well, anything else, really—but it did and, sometimes, it helps keep her and the pain of loosing her at a healthy distance.

Right now, though, it just seems to cause a rift between him and his daughter.

He can feel her slightly recoil; and, for a moment, he isn’t sure if he should let go or hold onto her. He keeps her close, though, in the end, because—damn it—he’s had to let her and Samuel go ENOUGH in the past few years and he’s TIRED OF IT. “I...” He laughs sardonically, feeling useless yet AGAIN. “Sorry, Sam: I just... I don’t get periods so I don’t know how I can help you...”

Slowly, Samantha relaxes.

Soon, her whole body softens and molds itself back to his side with a small sigh. Her high ponytail, which has been a thing since she was the littlest of potatoes, brushes gently against his cheek as they both find comfort in each other; and Chase finds himself smiling softly at it—at the familiarity of it.

It’s just... so THEM.

They stay like that for a bit, just a father and daughter on the couch by the fire, and breathe together like Henrik taught them.

“I hate it.”

Samantha’s declaration startles Chase—almost, but not quite, as much as, well, everything that today seems to be turning into—but he absorbs it nonetheless, listening to his daughter as she reaches out to him for help or support or...

Whatever it is she’s really looking for.

He just hopes he can give it.

“It’s not just... slimy and gross and SMELLS and makes me feel AWFUL but...”

She clutches his shirt, still small hands showing a surprising amount of strength. It reminds him of the first time he held them (Samantha’s but also Samuel’s): those tiny but thick little fingers that SQUEEZED as though afraid to let go—afraid he’d LEAVE them if they didn’t hold onto him.

(That’s called foreshadowing, right?)

“It also just... feels WRONG.”

Chase frowns, dread filling him. “Wrong?” He isn’t sure what that means. There... shouldn’t ISN’T anything wrong with a preteen girl getting her period—it’s NORMAL.

Right?

Wrong. Samantha repeats the word again, body tensing again and pulling away. She’s agitated, brows furrowed and lips set in a little scowl.

She’s adorable; but also not.

It’s painful to watch her, see her struggling, and not be able to help. Chase tries: he holds her shoulder tighter, rubs his thumb into her back, leans closer; but...

“It’s like... I can’t stop... thinking... it just... SHOULDN’T be HAPPENING.”

Now Chase’s brows furrow. “But, sweetie, it’s a perfectly normal—”

“THERE’S NOTHING NORMAL ABOUT PAIN AND BLEEDING!”

The father swallows. His child’s scream echoes in his ears and heart, aching, and he shakes as fears and doubt cloud his mind. He shouldn’t be doing this—he shouldn’t be the one Samantha goes to about this (whatever it really is).

Stacy is—or Henrik.

People that actually KNOW about anatomy and biology and periods and...

(People that aren’t failures like him...)

“Of course I’ll remain z’eir doktor, Chase!

"But, please understand:

“You are irreplaceable.

“Z’ey vill alvays need z’eir faz’er.”

Again, Henrik’s voice pervades Chase’s mind; but this time, they bring strength.

The father pulls his daughter back to him, embracing her with both arms, now, and gently rubs her back.

He tries to sooth her as he thinks of what to say.

He wracks his brain for SOMETHING to help—

“Ah, yea, it’s like... wearing the wrong clothes?

“But it’s your SKIN, dude; and all the body parts and FUNCTIONS attached to it.

“T and top surgery?

“BEST thing ta ev’r happen ta me!”

Chase blinks.

He’d blinked back then, too, when Jackie’d explained being transexual to him.

Or tried to.

He still doesn’t fully get it, honestly; but, like with Jackie, he might not have to...

“You’re right.”

Samantha flinches against him—startled more than anything (probably)—and then looks up at him in surprise. And confusion. Not that he blames her.

“It isn’t.”

Chase smiles down at his daughter—no: his CHILD; because maybe... maybe she ISN’T a she, either... And kisses her forehead, big and sloppy so she laughs. She complains, of course, and swats at him; but that just makes them giggle.

When they calm down, still with smiles on their faces, Chase continues: “And, you know, Jackie said similar things to Henrik before we realized—LEARNED—that he’s trans and got him on the path he’s on today: towards masculinity.”

He pauses here and lets that sink in. He lets her remember Jackie—meeting him and talking to him and learning about his binder and later why he DIDN’T have it.

When he thinks she’s recalled it all: “Now, I’m not saying that you’re trans, too—there’s, I think, a LOT of genders and things you can be, honestly—but, maybe we can sit down with them and... talk: figure things out, ask our own questions, go on this... grand adventure—together—and just... not be so alone and afraid.”

He can hear her sniffling, feel her tears soak his shirt, and see her lips quivering. His heart aches and he pulls her close to it, letting her hear it beating—feel HIM.

Just letting her know: “‘An, no matter what happens, I will ALWAYS love you and I will ALWAYS be here for you.”

She sobs, appearing relieved, and Chase thinks that—maybe—he did good; “I-I love you, too, daddy.”

((To everyone who had this experience or one similar to it—whether your body is female or not—please remember: Septic Dad loves you; this Evil loves you, too. Happy Pride. Stay Strong.))

#chase bro average #samantha brody #chase dad epic #septicstories #pride #mywriting #fanfiction #transexual #transgender #trans!jackie #trans!sam #trigger warnings #blood #angst #self loathing #anxiety #tears #menstruation

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bananamarshmallowz · 16 days

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Reminiscing

I grew up in a small town where everyone knows everyone, they know your grandparents and their first pet.

Where religion is pretty much everything, glue and post.

Typical small town.

Most of my extended family lived there their entire lives as well as I. We all grew up together.

At my time of living there, our biggest thing was the bowling alley, climbing to our letter and a few select restaurants. One is just out of town and people come from all over, it really is quite delicious. Then they just put in a carwash. Though when I moved they renovated the high school, just when I was going into high school. They even added a McDonalds.

Anyway, I had one school peer at the time that went by Sam, though that wasn't the name that was on their school forms, I believe. They were the first transgender representation in my life. I hope they're doing well and I think about them often. They were bold and taught me a lot of things before I understood what more then 3/4s of it meant.

They told me how their mother wasn't supportive and how their dad was and how he was trying to help them. I believe they were wearing binders but I didn't pay much attention, I knew I understood their feelings and how much I resonated with them. I wish we could exchange stories now. How much I've been through alone. How much we've been through.

I wish I had more trans friends but don't want to interact with people, it's an odd face to face problem. But I always try to wear a bracelet or necklace or even earrings that say, "HEY, I'm gay :D" I consider all trans people my kin anyway, it doesn't matter what's happened or what's been said, I'll treat you just like a sibling as long as you a decent human being.

This is for past me who never would have guessed I made it to twenty but we did. When we totally didn't expect to make it past 16 let alone 18 and yet here I am. I'm alive and well and working on myself. But this is also for trans people who probably don't hear it enough, if not at all.

I support you even if I don't quite understand. I respect you and who you are and how you identify. You are a breath-taking and intelligent human being. You're ravishing and amazing. And I am so proud of how far you've come.

#lgbt #trans #transgender

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angrilymanaging · 1 year

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Today I had a conversation with my spouse. My “Husband” is Transgender, Female to Male. His pronouns are he/him/his and I have respect for him as a person, in general respect for trans people as a whole community right, I use the pronouns that they ask me too, and respect how they Identify, I don’t have a problem with that. But that is your reality, not mine. If you were born a woman, you are a woman, if you were born a man you are a man. That is my position, it is that cut and dry. Identify how you want, but your reality will not cloud my reality, I just don’t see it that way, and it is ok, for us to not have conversations about it, we can agree to disagree. Moment of transparency, I think transgender people, are the most dysfunctional people I have ever met. I have my own fair share of mental shit going on, I try not to judge too harshly.

Everyone knows who I am. We all know what’s going on. I mean if it is easier for you to just act like you don’t and call me crazy, that is between you and the big guy, It matters not to me, how you are judged in his eyes. So I felt really vulnerable, I began expressing my feelings, I’m feeling discouraged, and I believe the word that I used was dejected. I have been presented with an opportunity, and I am grateful but the process has been slow, and I am trying to stay patient, and encouraged, because I know that everything happens in god’s time, not my own. This led to how I also was ready to be on my feet, to level the playing field with our relationship a bit, because being dependent on him, is not making me feel good about myself, I feel insecure, for in the back of my mind, I understand that he wishes things were different, and now more than ever, I am starting to feel the same way. I cannot enjoy being a wife, I am becoming uncomfortable with conditions as they have been and I want them to be different.

Some back story on me, because at this point everyone in my life, and people I come across, essentially have me f’cked up. I was not born out of wedlock. I grew up in the house with both my biological parents, My mother, my father, I was raised by both. While the relationship with my mother is strained, you know we try, but the relationship with my dad, well til the day he died he was my hero. So naturally, as a woman who grew up with a father who, protected and provided for me. I have those same views and values when it comes to having a husband. I touched on the only men I would have considered marrying, in other posts on this platform, I don’t know where people get it from that every man I’ve ever been with broke my heart, like that’s preposterous, my promiscuity had very little if anything to do with love or marriage, and to be honest I’m happy that, I had to learn the hard way. I’ve never really “dated” before. I’m looking very forward to that… I don’t have any illusions about my marriage it is going to work or it isn’t at this point. I would be more surprised if I’m still married to this person 10 years from now, than I would be if we were really divorced next year. I digress. My circumstances, are different, I started having children really young, 2 by the time I was 25, so I didn’t really have a set standard, I just knew what it was supposed to look like, I had a fairly decent example.

Before this, I had been married already, to a woman, I had no Idea that my life was going to take that type of turn, and obviously there was no rule book. Not even an example, I was winging it because that had been the first and only serious same-sex relationship I had ever had lol. It ended in divorce, I have no regrets, it was a a part of my life, like so many things and now it is over. But because of that experience, I’d definitely discovered that I had new standards, to the way I wanted to live, and how I had viewed relationships. You learn from your mistakes and you grow from them, otherwise what is the point.

So I’am having this conversation, and I just put it out there like regardless of the circumstances, and adversity I have faced in my life, I was raised by a traditional man, to be a traditional wife. I am learning to accept, that I am not married to a traditional man. Chile there is nothing more modern than a “trans man” growing up, I heard about people you know having sex changes and that, but It was like jokes in sketch comedy.. like Jim Carey in in living color, sha nay nay, from Martin, I had no Idea that, that type of thing was real, like I knew about gay and straight people right, but I had a friend who was the first trans person I ever encountered but we all know how that worked out, for the most part I just was like uuum no. Again I get it, the respect and all for people and how they believe but… again, your reality, not mine. The position he holds is, I am expected as a wife with a “husband” to carry 50% of the financial weight in our marriage. Be 100% financially responsible for myself. I am expected to keep our house clean, Cook our meals, be waiting for you when you get off late, wait for you to have dinner, and not go to bed until you get home. Support you emotionally. Obviously, I have to do my own laundry you never fail to ask me to do yours too.

You work all these jobs, are gone from morning to night, and when you are home, you would like basically to sleep all day, avoiding any responsibility toward housework. Complaints up the wazoo, for anything you do have to do. Mind you, you are gone all this time, and you don’t make enough money to carry your house hold. You are only allowed vacations twice per year, from the one job. You work from literally sun up to sun down, and every weekend. NO OPPORTUNITY FOR DATE NIGHT!!! You only want to be responsible for 50% of our marital finances, 100% of your own. I am expected to even submit to your sexual desires.

I feel alone in my marriage most times. I don’t feel supported, I could vent and talk about my feelings til I’m blue in the face. You are emotionally unavailable. I’m expected to ignore myself, but always give you attention. Be greatful. I can ask for a body rub, and I have to suffer through this barely there massage, in which you fall to sleep in the middle, what if I told you that that one sensual act where you could probably try harder, is enough to get me going, put me in the mood, and because you just fall to sleep I’m just like go to sleep. I’m trying to figure out how you feel so entitled to the entire package for a wife, but as a “husband” you can just barely, I mean makin it by the skin of your teeth, give me 50%. The whole world, gets the best of you, while I get the raggedy rest of you.

When I was young, my mom worked overnights. She would get out of work and barely see us off to school. She would sleep all day. We would get out of school in the evening, and She would sleep through that too. Not getting up until it was time to go to work at 10… and we’d be well in bed by then, and that’s how life went. On her off days, in summers when we were out of school we still never saw our mother, and when we did, it was for chastisement. When people say that I am miserable, I guess that they would be right. The more wise you become, The more unhappy. That is why ignorance is bliss. As the oldest, child after my brother was sent back to New York, guess who’s responsibility it became to make sure that children were fed, or clothed to get off to school? Guess who’s responsibility it was to make sure that the house was clean. I had to do all of this and take care of myself. Guess what every relationship with a woman looks like for me? You guessed it. Talk about healing your inner child. It all seems very Narcissistic to me. I’m learning too that I would be attracted to these types of people Especially women because I was groomed that way.

I don’t feel like I’m settling. I don’t care about helping, like 50/50 is Ideal for anyone in this economy, but Husband. No. The dynamic of our relationship, changes drastically. I can stay like just like he is staying. But the dynamic, of our relationship has to change, and I’m ok with that, I don’t think that he will be, because, I get to now, start thinking more about myself. Taking care of me more, because I never have. So I guess we will see where that goes, and hope for the best.

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