#what you seek
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dating colby headcannon
requested by anonymous: Could you possible write a dating Colby headcannon with the reader? Thank uuu
A/N: even tho i'm not taking requests, i figured i can do this real quick since it's a headcannon and i'm in the middle of finishing up the next chapter of the chosen daughter. so hopefully this holds yall over a bit longer while i finish that up :) and this is all gender neutral so anyone can read it ! lmk what you think and hope you enjoy.
let's start with how you two met: i think you being a friend of a friend would be how it all starts.
maybe this friend in common gets invited to a party that snc are at, and you tag along. you get introduced to colby, and yall hit it off.
colby is very much into vibes and how well he meshes with another person. so for him to be interested, he has to like being around you. that man does not waste his time around people he doesn't care about.
and i think with colby, things would start off PAINSTAKINGLY SLOW. if you're into a slow burn… that's what your life will be like lol
colby hasn't dated in a long time, it's been almost exclusively hook ups and situationships. so i think the beginning stages will be a bit rough (in more ways than one *wink wink nudge nudge*). i think it would take a long time before anything major happened, just because he's not used to being vulnerable with someone.
that being said, i can see him hooking up with you once or twice before anything serious even remotely starts, since that's his usual go-to method. that doesn't have to be all the way - it could be like making out in the club or in a house party bathroom. a little hidden, a bit secretive, but that makes it all the more fun. it's exciting because he makes you feel like you are the sun in his galaxy, even if it's just for a few minutes. that's how intense he can be.
and maybe you realize, "oh shit i got feelings for him…. will this ever turn into something more?" and that's when you start hanging out with him more, or at least making plans to.
and i think as time goes on, he grows attached to you (because he is a clingy person, respectfully). and he enjoys the parts of his day when he gets to see you. and that's when he starts to feel the sparks. but knowing him, he probably won't act on them for a while.
but slowly, you two get really close, and eventually try to start something. once he can feel his walls crumble, and yours are also down, that's when yall truly start to have a wonderful relationship.
so as for dating him, what do i think that would be like?
colby is very busy guy, no surprising to anyone. so it's hard for yall to hang out as often as you want to (which would be like everyday if you could, and same goes for him).
but colby finds ways of seeing you or talking to you at least once a day.
even if it's just to check in on you, or ask you about your day. colby also likes to tell you about the stuff he was up to, give you little heads up on new projects before anyone else. but only when he knows they're happening bc he doesn't like talking about things that might not happen. very earth sign of him lol
i don't see him sending 'good morning' messages, but i could see him sending 'goodnight' ones. definitely with a black heart emoji somewhere thrown in there.
oooh, pet names. i'm seeing him using baby, babe, darling, sweetheart, love, and possibly honey. especially when he's drunk, he's extra affectionate.
when he goes on investigations, he comes back and HAS to tell you everything. he also loves being around you after because you make him feel so comfortable and at home. and he needs that after being paranormally hungover.
if you go with him on trips… omg, he will be protective. for sure. checking in on how you're feeling every couple minutes.
and if you get really scared, he's ready to send you home. he doesn't want to see you hurt or terrified at all. so sometimes he isn't the most favorable towards you going with him (unless you insist).
yall's biggest past time together: cuddling.
that man needs cuddles, AT LEAST, once a day. otherwise, he will be whiny lol (he might not show it at first, but once he's comfortable, he's gonna be a baby about cuddles, guarantee).
he needs to be touching you at all times, whether out in public or not. he doesn't seem like a crazy PDA type, so nothing too ~sexual~, but he will be holding your hand every chance he gets.
unless, of course, he's feeling a bit frisky… then you run the chance of having to go home early or finding a private area to have your fun sksks
i see him being the type to wrap his arms around you from behind, pulling you tight against him. especially if you're waiting in like a long line or something. he just wants you in his arms whenever he can.
like i mentioned before, he is a very busy man. so i see him doing a lot of at home dates. making pizzas together (or just dinners in general), setting up little pillow forts for movie nights, cute vibes all around. omg and of course - LOTS of camping outside and staring at the stars and talking for hours. that's 1000% for sure.
and maybe if you're the type that likes hiking, maybe you guys would go hiking together.
but i do see him also taking you out to exclusive clubs, bars, and restaurants since he has the hookup and the following to get into places that are new.
emotionally, i think you two would be so deeply into each other. i think being understanding and just getting one another is something major he wants in a relationship. so i think always being open and honest would be the main center point of your relationship.
he wants no drama, and wants love to come easy. and most likely you feel the same way, which is why you guys mesh well together.
physically… i mean, cmon. look at the material lol
he's definitely wants to make sure your needs are met. he's a people pleaser after all. and if you're his person, he's making sure you're pleased.
he's a very giving lover, is all i'm gonna say ;)
#colby brock#colby brock x reader#colby brock headcannon#colby brock fic#colby brock fluff#what you seek
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I know what it is you seek, Master . . . A heart that will reverse the curse on Evil . . . that will commit any sin in the name of your love . . . a heart that is worthy of Never After . . . And that heart is mine.
Soman Chainani, from A World Without Princes
#villain#evil#i'd do anything for you#reverse the curse#good and evil#curse#dramatic#declaration of love#what you seek#reminds me of#azhrarn#tales from the flat earth#heart#quotes#lit#words#excerpts#quote#literature#soman chainani#a world without princes#the school for good and evil
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.
capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.
now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.
and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.
and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.
and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".
it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"
#this was much longer i had to cut it down for legibility#but i do want to say i am aware this post doesnt touch on human rights violations as a result of fast fashion#that is because it deserves its own post with a completely different tone#i am an environmental educator#so that's what i know the most about. it wouldn't be appropriate of me to mention off-hand the real and legitimate suffering#that people are going through#without doing my research and providing real ways to help#this is a vent post about a thing i'm watching happen; not a call to action. it would be INCREDIBLY demeaning#to all those affected by the fast fashion industry to pretend that a post like this could speak to their suffering#unfortunately one of the horrible things about latestage capitalism as an activist is that SO many things are linked to this#and i WANT to talk about all of them but it would be a book in its own right. in fact there ARE books about each level of this#and i encourage you to seek them out and read them!!! i am not an expert on that i am just a person on tumblr doing my favorite activity#(complaining)#and it's like - this is the individual versus the industry problem again right because im blaming myself#for being an expert on environmental disaster (which is fucking important) but not knowing EVERYTHING about fast fashion#i'm blaming myself for not covering the many layers of this incredibly complicated problem im pointing out#rather than being like. yeah so actually the fault here lies with the billion dollar industries actually.#my failure to be able to condense an incredibly immense problem that is BOOK-LENGTH into a single text post that i post for free#is not in ANY fucking way the same amount of harm as. you know. the ACTUAL COMPANIES doing this ACTUAL THING for ACTUAL MONEY.#anyway im gonna go donate money while i'm thinking about it. maybe you can too. we can both just agree - well i fuckin tried didn't i#which is more than their CEOs can say
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you don’t know what you’re asking for.
#ffxiv#final fantasy 14#final fantasy xiv#hermes ffxiv#emet selch#fandaniel#ff14#Finally my last comic of the year#Been obsessed w like 30 different concepts lately so I crammed 5 of them into this cheers#Also to that sweet anon in my ask box I shall post what you seek I prommy ❤️#This is a long ass post but like look upon my metaphors boy#endwalker spoilers
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Friendly (or unfriendly if you're against this) reminder that this blog is supportive of ALL disorders. This blog does not think ANY disorder inherently makes someone a bad person, and is against any disorder being demonized. This blog wholeheartedly believes that a bad person having a disorder, yes, even if things that are also symptoms of their disorder are part of what caused harm, does not make the disorder a "bad" or "evil" disorder or excuse ableism and demonization directed towards the disorder.
Yes this includes personality disorders
Including npd and aspd
Yes this includes all psychotic disorders & disorders that cause psychotic symptoms
Yes this includes paraphilic disorders. All of them.
Yes this includes disorders that cause, or are even characterized by, attention seeking
Yes this includes disorders that directly have lying as a common symptom
Yes this includes dissociative disorders
Yes this includes any disorder with "gross" symptoms
Yes this includes physical disorders too
Yes this includes disorders that can cause loss of control of any kind- control of speech, control of body movement, etc.
Yes tis includes disorders that make someone "look scary"
This goes for literally any fucking disorder. There are not exceptions.
#disability activism#ableism#demonization#disability awareness#personality disorders#npd#aspd#psychotic#psychotic disorders#paraphilic disorder#attention seeking#pathological lying#dissociative disorder#idk what other tags to put#also additional note I literally have a couple disorders on this list#and symptoms of several too#so if you're thinking of trying to argue on this post just fuck off#I guarantee you will not change my mind#and I don't want to hear it either
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I love love love when trans women* give advice to trans men* about """manly""" things and when trans men* return that kindness with advice about """womanly""" things. I love the intracommunity commitment to supporting each other <<3
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#obviously it's better when that advice and guidance is consentual#if you ever want to give that advice do be sure that that person is even seeking that out#i have made advice posts which i try to state as neutrally as possible to ensure that whomever wants the advice can read it#but by no means are those posts intended to force you to change or to do things outside of what you want y'know?#ANYWAY thank you to trans women for unironically teaching me how to shave when i didn't know how#(i read the book Nevada partway and that was how i started to learn how to shave my face)#(and i've gotten a decent-ish close shave though i do admit i'm not that good at it. i'm kinda lazy actually LOL)#chin stubble is genuinely one of the worst sensory things for me and i'm so grateful that i was taught by trans women about it :)!!!#genuinely me when other trans people: 🥰
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If there are supposedly hordes of trans women sniffing out shy moody androgynous goth boys and turning them into extroverted freaky raver puppygirls explain why hasn't it happened to me yet. Am I not pretty enough
#This is a joke but seriously you guys are weird as fuck for thinking a 'guy' who hangs out with a lot of trans women eventually becoming#one herself is some evidence of being 'turned' instead of the simpler and more reasonable explanation that the reason that#she hung out with mostly trans girls and was ok with them talking about her becoming a girl jokingly OR serious is probably just that#she already wanted to be a girl and the trans girls she hung out with helped her become more comfortable with that idea and#gave her the tools and confidence to pursue that. There is no prime directive because closeted trans people are not fucking aliens who#have nooo idea what's going on with themselves and should be isolated from people who could help them figure themselves out#and support them through that realization and their transition. You are straight up parroting conservative talking points about protecting#our vulnerable cis people from the big scary trans agenda that seeks to corrupt their beautiful god given genders. Get a grip#talk
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hey guys. remember this.
#the thing with being a fan of these guys#is that sometimes certain moments will slam back into your consciousness#and you suddenly have to seek it out again to rewatch to make sure it was real. or that you weren't exaggerating.#or just to try and work out what any of it was about#and unfortunately a lot of the time you will find a rewatch will give you ZERO further clarification tbh.#anyway. needed this on my blog.#two men one braincell#sceptic believer#shyan#watcher#ghost files#ghost files debrief#(this is the magnolia hotel ep. btw.)
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your first kiss (ever) with colby headcannon
requested by @lillybearblog: i was wondering if I could request an imagine where Colby gives you your first kiss? If you take requests
A/N: i'm not technically taking request rn, but i was inspired to write this. especially since i haven't done a headcannon in so long. almost a year at this point. hope you guys like it ! you're gettin a two for one with this haha let me know what you think :)
teenage!colby:
you've know of snc for a while since you went to school with them.
plus they were starting to blow up a lot on vine and everyone in school just knew who they were.
whether or not they liked them lol
you always thought colby was cute and had a couple classes with him.
but you were too shy to ever say anything to him.
and on top of that he didn't really talk in school so you didn't really know how to even strike up a convo with him.
and then you found out from a friend of yours that colby had a gf, so you knew things just weren't gonna work out for you.
one night your friend throws a party
and you couldn't believe that she actually invited snc, and that they actually showed up.
you kept looking over at them, and had once or twice caught colby's eye.
but you were way too scared to go talk to him.
later on into the night, you go outside to get some air, and colby is in the backyard.
he hears you come out of the house and looks over at you.
you awkwardly wave at him, he does the same back.
you ask "what are you doing out here?"
you find out that his gf broke up with him the night before, and sam thought this was a nice way to get his mind off of things
but it wasn't helping.
you end up talking with him for an hour, and get to know each other decently well.
even he's surprised at how well he opened up to you.
eventually he asks you "what's one thing you haven't done yet that you want to do?"
you tell him you've never been kissed before. you felt kinda embarrassed admitting it bc you were 17 and felt like you should have had it by now.
(btw if that does apply to anyone reading this, omg you're not weird for not having your first kiss yet. you have SO MUCH TIME)
colby admits to you that he only recently had his first kiss, so you shouldn't feel embarrassed.
you're surprised, "there are so many girls that want to kiss you. especially my friends."
he laughs at you, and asks if that's why sam and him got the invite.
you say sort of.
silence falls over the two of you for a moment.
then colby says "…would you be one of those girls… that wants to kiss me?"
you can't help but blush at his words. you don't know how to respond.
eventually you say yes.
colby hums, and then turns to you.
you lock eyes with him, and even in the dark his eyes are intensely blue.
he leans in and kisses you.
it's sweet, it's warm, and goes by way too fast for your liking.
suddenly there is a commotion in the house
the cops showed up bc of a noise complaint.
a bunch of ppl start running out of the house.
sam appears after a couple seconds, grabs colby and tells him that they need to run.
colby looks at you, gives you a kiss on the cheek, and runs with sam.
you never really got to speak to him again, but in the end you were happy he was your first kiss.
adult!colby:
you've been friends with colby for a couple years.
you met him at some influencer party and have just been casual friends.
you see each other every once in a while and it's always nice.
he's just such a fun person to be around.
eventually at another party, you guys see each other again
and you hang out the whole night.
apparently sam and kat were out on a date and he didn't really have anyone to chill with.
his other friends were around, but he didn't really feel like mingling.
and you were fine with that.
you guys had so much fun dancing, drinking, and just talking about whatever.
when the party was settling down a bit, someone cleared the island in the kitchen
and in the center was a beer bottle.
"let's play some spin the bottle!" someone shouted.
and now here you were, in the middle of a spin the bottle game.
but now with alcohol lol
and basically if the other person didn't want to kiss, they would drink.
you were kinda terrified.
you were in your 20s and had never been kissed.
you felt so out of place but you decided to stay.
while it was embarrassing to think of getting kissed by a stranger at this party, you kinda hoped it would happen with you and colby.
and when that thought popped into your head, you knew you were done for.
not to mention... why did you want to kiss colby all of a sudden??
it was colby's turn, and while originally he tried to say no, he was egged on by some other friends. and so he spun it.
the bottle must have spun for a year. that's how it felt.
and then finally it stopped on you.
you felt your breath hitch, and a bunch of different ppl cheered.
"hey, we don't have to kiss if you don't want to." colby stated.
you think about it. while you did technically want to kiss him, you also didn't.
what if he laughs at your kiss?
what if you suck at it?
what if… he's really good at it?
as you try to think of an answer, ppl around the island start chanting "kiss, kiss, kiss!"
you look around at everyone and finally back up at colby.
he shrugs, and light smile appears on his face. "it's your choice."
you take a deep breath, and tell him to kiss you.
he looks surprised for a split second, but then nods.
he leans in, cupping your face.
his lips press against yours, and honestly you kinda feel like you could black out.
the kiss is really soft and shockingly gentle.
you had heard so many stories of girls hooking up with him and you just expected him to be crazy out the gate.
but in this moment, he was so kind to you.
sadly the kiss ended.
…but let's just say it wouldn't be the last kiss you two had ;)
#colby brock#colby brock headcannon#colby brock fic#colby brock x reader#colby brock fluff#what you seek
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#sign#feeling#intuition#do something#validation#seek#confirmation#intuit#what you seek#confirm#feel#see#intuitive#courage#be courageous#within#outside#fly#LHA#1introvertedsage#courageous#feeler#the sign
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i don't like it when someone is easy to reach. when someone is open to everyone, when literally anyone can get their attention. it is a question of values and principles not to be open to everyone and not to have the need for everyone's attention. people who are easily available won't value soulful connections.
#that's something i think about a lot#the same goes for social media#can't take people serious who seek online validation#especially some men are easily to find behind the posts and likes of women#this makes someone clearly unattractive in my eyes#does someone understand what i am trying to say?#how less do you have to think of yourself to fill the void with VARIOUS people?#i like people who stand out#my writing#soul#letters
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I think a lot about Leo’s tendency to push his way into the spotlight despite clearly being a natural in the shadows. Hell, you could argue that his worst moments are when he’s forcing himself onstage, and his best are when he does things no one notices until it’s already been done.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#His aptitude with subterfuge sleight of hand stealth and speed really push how being a ninja really comes naturally to him.#it’s arguable that his desperation for the spotlight and validation is an act of subterfuge against himself#note that when he’s offered a job as a mascot he’s fine being unknown#when he and splinter win the battle nexus Leo immediately says ‘they love YOU pops’#idk I think so much about how good a ninja Leo is#and how much his persona is more an actor#Leo as a tot is shown a natural skill at katana too so hear me out-#every Leo is a natural ninja but every Leo’s route in life is directly tied to their splinter so#since rise splinter is an actor Leo too aims for it#and he brings it into his whole life - masking always because a Leo makes what they do who they are#I think that Leo naturally falls more in line with that of a typical ninja#his eccentric performer self is his subterfuge skill just set to an 11 at all times#not that that’s NOT him - like I said it’s still undoubtedly a part of Leo#but? idk I think about little moments like Leo being the only one to choose stealth in bug busters#or Leo being the only one to almost get Gus’s dog tags in The Ninja Art of Hide and Seek (he was so close but luck was against him alas)#like- he’s clearly in his element there and he falls into those skills so easily#it’s like how everyone has skills in so many things but some exceed more in some than others do#like Raph? Raph’s the biggest Hero of the bunch of them let’s be perfectly real here. Raph is THE Hero#All the boys are smart in their own rights but Donnie is THE Genius.#and they all have mystic powers but Mikey is THE Mystic Warrior with immense untapped potential#likewise Leo I feel is THE Ninja#but yeah I love how much Leo goes for the spotlight anyway for better or for worse#he IS a performer again make no mistake! but again the way he does it still lines up with his natural ninja aptitude and I love it#Leo loving magic tricks and magicians so much works doubly well here because like#you’d think he’s focused solely on the performance flair - no it’s ALSO and ESPECIALLY the DECEPTION
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they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?
they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.
you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.
you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.
mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.
you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.
#writeblr#warm up#to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace#but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X'#and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!''#babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3#mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES#and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for#than have 1 kid NOT get help#but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here#bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness''#it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!''#& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness#but use it to defend THEIR actions#like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell?#you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse?#but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck?#your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross?#HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like#all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like.#anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol
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