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#what kind of fool do you think i am
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82. What Kind of Fool (Do You Think I Am) by The Tams debuted Dec 63 and peaked at number nine, scoring 853 points.
The Tams formed in Atlanta and had seven chart entries 1962-66. This was their only top 40 hit.
Bill Deal and the Rhondels peaked at number 23 with their 1969 remake.
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keeps-ache · 4 months
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i'm on some sort of kick lol
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comical-icicle · 1 year
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Can you draw Joe Puddy from Zomberry island please?
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He just got cured!
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trashbaget · 2 months
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tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”
#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with#but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this#i can’t just. talk to the guy#if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that#i can barely even say hello to him#don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like#ah fuck there he is#okay you can do it just say hi#just say what’s up#and then he’s already gone#also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin#ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍#but like. ​i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction#or like. an actual conversation.#which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or#i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what)#anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up 🥴#i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at#least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.)#anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault#too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair#but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side#where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20#mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡#but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number#who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21#his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦#cheers to being fools universe
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thormanick · 1 year
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…having some thoughts of mixing RWBY x Genshin a bit, primarily because I keep projecting recent arc of Ruby on Kaveh for so many no reason at all
Might do a couple of doodles if I find the energy
#genshin impact#rwby#afinna explores teyvat#genshin impact thoughts#rwby ruby rose#genshin impact kaveh#I just keep thinking ‘oh what if Alhaitham and Kaveh get stuck in the EverAfter’#who will be the one fooled by the Cat and why it will probably be Kaveh-#at the same time I think Alhaitham will have one glance at the Cat and be like. no thank you#idk Ruby and Kaveh having some similar vibes and parent-related issues was the LAST thing I expected to stumble across but here we are#‘and no matter what I do nothing ever takes the place of you’ can suit Kaveh’s themes a lot#*sigh* all these kids need therapy#btw I was thinking that if I were to make a crossover I’d put Kaveh and Alhaitham in Atlas? purely due to the tech they use#as for semblances I have some options#Alhaitham’s would be quite similar to the in-game - I think of him making mirrors through which he can ‘teleport’ on a battlefield#as for Kaveh I am. so tempted to make his semblance about light or empathy#it’s either him somehow absorbing negative emotions of ppl around him and converting that into energy through his aura#bc he wants to keep ppl happy bc happy ppl don’t attract grim#OR I am so tempted to give him silver eyes. I know it’s not a semblance but HEAR ME OUT-#silver eyes that allow him destroy grim with a kind of semblance that makes him a human version of Apathy-grim#like somehow he drains the energy out of grim and pacifies them and turns that against them#in general it’s all about the duality of light and shadow or empathy/apathy with him for me#idk I’ll think more on this later maybe
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medicinemane · 1 year
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I just think that the main barrier to being good at a lot of different things isn't about that you couldn't be good at it, it's about time, and it's about affording equipment and materials
It's gonna be a lot harder to find the time for even one hobby if you're working full time, and make no mistake, there's a real problem of getting what you need to actually work on stuff
#that's why if I ever did make videos about carving; I think I'd try to stick to just my knife and my gouge; cause that's 90% of what I use#one carving knife and a medium sized flat gouge will do a lot for you; I like my skew and such; but those two are what I need#I even have a feeling you could get by with an exacto (not nearly as good; but the point would be budget)#not sure what you'd use for the gouge#but if I did do videos I might look into it; would be kind of nice to be able to say 'it's not what I'd do; but he's a broke technique'#like... part of why I would only want to put out free stuff and no like... paid courses (which are fine)#is cause I'm used to being broke; that's who I want to help out; the poor fools like me#cause even people I like with woodworking on youtube who are about doing it on a budget... they still say to drop a fair bit of mint on it#and that's more for furniture making; but... love to do that some day too#and you know how I talk about stuff you know making it easier to do other stuff; there's a lot I think I could tackle with my knife#like... I'd like to once again kind of challenge myself if I did get into that#like what can I make with a dirt cheap saw; an exacto; and whatever I find for a gouge#how cheap can I make this to do?#And can I make it something they can do even if they don't have space?#like can I make it so they could do it over carpet if need be so long as they vacuum?#how unideal can I make things and still have it work? cause I think a lot of us are in very unideal circumstances#and to an extent who I most want to teach are the people who are like I was; in many ways still am#no really money making skills; trouble working for whatever reason; just kind of screwed#and I want to be able to say 'I can't promise you this'll work; but I've made it simple enough maybe you can try it'#'and I'm not saying you'll make money; but at least it's something; and at least it might be fun'#like... I can't recommend woodburing; that kit cost at least $100; think more like $200#that's not cash people have just lying around#I get that even asking to spend like... $5 on a saw; $5 on a blade; $5 on a gouge; and $5 on wood... even if I got it that cheap#I get that sometimes $20 is a big ask#I want to be able to say 'I'm not telling you it'll be your masterpiece; or you might not want to upgrade some of this stuff'#'but here's how you can go to some damn mega corp hardware store and come out with enough stuff to do this with little cash'#hard enough to get started on stuff; I want to lower the barrier to entry to as close to zero as I can#course... that means me getting more of my shit together; mean me building furniture and stuff#can carve at this point of course; though haven't in some time cause gotta get that commission out#not saying I make amazing stuff either; or that I know if I can teach at all
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bibiana112 · 2 years
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Me: I have seen a lot about aitsf and it seems like a good game that I should play
Also me: you really should finish zero escape first, or at least VLR since you're still in the middle of that
Me: ugh 😫
Skfhdkdgdjdh okay there isn't any BIIIG reason not to watch aitsf before finishing zero escape Well not the first one at least nirvana initiative has so many god dang easter eggs and references that I'd probably argue otherwise there but I still think it would be for the best you know lmao
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pokimoko · 2 years
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Mmm, perfectly balanced.
#me#my stuff#when numbers match? mmm satisfying#am i fan of maths? not particularly? am i fan of numbers? yes#i'm the kind of guy who waits an extra minute to send a text just to have be a nice number (which for me is anything even)#or even sometimes more than a few minutes so I get a satisfying 10:10 or 21:21#OR EVEN A WHOLE FUCKING DAY SO I GET A NICE DATE ON MY FIC#I KNOW I KNOW IT'S RIDICULOUS#it's a Thing okay my brain likes it#though in posting this i will be ruining the lovely equilibrium#but with me posting more lately the numbers probably won't match up much in the future if ever again#so i am commemorating this lovely sychronisation while i have the chance#also don't let the follower count fool you i'm pretty sure half of them are inactive or just forgot to unfollow me#i think the more accurate number would be closer to 70 maybe 100#which is all my moon moots plus those lovely little guys who have stuck with me through all my fixations and leave a heart every so often#also you know it's obvious you don't post much when you've been here 7 years and you've only made 227 posts altogether...#me looking at my archive: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T POST ANYTHING IN 2016???#what the hell was i doing that year?#because i was definitely on tumblr that year...2016 ace discourse my beloathed..#definitely didn't fuck me up or anything#...actually you know what that may be the reason why i didn't post anything that year#yep that checks out#well i'm certainly making up for it now#MADE A WHOOPING 73 POSTS THIS YEAR ALONE#that's...fuck almost one third of all my posts ever holy shit#2022 the year i came out of my cage and decided i was doing just fine
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nbstevonnie · 3 months
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so like. i'm not as hardcore anti-ai as it seems most on this site are. but i am BAFFLED at some of the things people irl will be shocked that chatgpt and it's ilk can't do. they'll say things like 'i asked it to write me a logic puzzle but the answer didn't make any sense :(' or 'i asked it to tell me the relevant bit of law for the situation i'm in but it was totally wrong :(' or 'i asked it to make me a recipe from the things in my cupboard but it tasted disgusting :('
like. no shit!
as soon as you realise that current ai is literally just an algorithm trying to fit new data to the limited number of examples it's been shown, i.e. trying to work out what "most likely" comes next, you know that it just cannot do these things.
of course it's going to give you a logic puzzle with no logical answer! it knows what a logic puzzle sounds like ("a man lies dead on the ground, no footsteps nearby...") and it knows what an answer sounds like ("he died of a heart attack"). that doesn't mean it knows how to connect the two.
of course it's going to tell you a law that's completely irrelevant or just made up! it knows what a law sounds like ("an extension of time of three months is available upon request"). that doesn't mean it knows the law or can apply it to a specific set of circumstances.
of course it's going to give you a recipe that doesn't take taste into account! it knows what a recipe sounds like ("1 tablespoon of rosemary"). that doesn't mean it understands how an ingredient or the amount of it affects a recipe.
the thing that's frustrating about this is that if you're aware of this, you can use ai for things it will do fine at. ask it to write you a speech. ask it to suggest something to eat. ask it to write you the pros and cons of some piece of technology. it will give you enough ideas to tear apart and re-use as your own just fine with any of those prompts. ask it to actually be creative or provide real-world advice? a fool's prompt.
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heavierthanlaila · 6 months
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You deserve love. You’re a good person despite your mistakes. You’ll be loved. And you’ll only be able to accept and embrace the love if you love yourself first!!!!!!! Treat yourself with the same kindness you want to receive!!!!!!! Things will get better in shaa Allah
thank you for the sweet message but I'm sorry but i have to give a counterpoint to something you said.
who said i don't love myself? and what would self-love do in front of this raging ocean of deprivation? i do try to give myself all the love she needs but i cannot give her the love i was supposed to receive from the people in my life. it's very extremely cruel to demand people like me to just make due with whatever love they can conjure for themselves in order to open the door to human connection and love even though it has been an established fact that people don't grow or heal without the halo of love and kindness that comes from people around them. I'm not gonna deny the positive impact the lack of love did to my life. i did learn through it how to love and depend on myself and build my boundaries and enjoy my own company. HOWEVER, a hole has been ever-present in my heart. a hole that can only be filled with outside love. i spent my whole life just searching for a love that lasts. a love that gives me the push to be okay again. a love to keep me going. but this love seems impossible to obtain. i search for it in friends, in family members, in random strangers, in romantic loves, in allah but I can never reach it and im absolutely tired.
i used to be a good person (or try to be one) but my fairh has been tested and I'm actively failing that test. i just don't see the point of this test. why isn't this test easier? why is the road to allah so harsh and filled with traps everywhere? why does it have to be a test after test after test? why is the answer to navigate these tests safely is also hard to get? to be okay as a human being you have to pray but prayer is one of the heaviest things on my heart which makes me a hypocrite. i don't know anymore other that allah is the one true god but i don't know how to reach him and why is it so hard to reach him.
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happywitch416 · 9 months
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I guess thats why we called them Old Flames, because no matter how much time passes, it still burns.
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buckyalpine · 7 months
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Bucky can’t lie
A smutty thot. Imagine the avengers fucking around with a lie detector test, testing how well the super soldiers were trained. Steve failed instantly while stating his own name, blushing from embarrassment. Bucky was shoved into the chair next.
And he was disgustingly good.
The wires were attached to him within seconds, with questions flying left right and center. He crossed his arms over his chest with an eyeroll, answering the most ridiculous questions each person would throw at him.
"What the hell Barnes, there's no way, you can't be serious"
The super soldier smirked, while the others watched the needle scratch on the paper steadily, not a single signal indicating he was lying. It was going great until Tony's eyes lit up with a brilliant idea.
“Wait. Get y/n in here”
You sauntered into the room, scrunching your face seeing Bucky hooked up to the machine, while the rest of the team stared at him intently. The faintest uptick scratched onto the paper making Steve cock an eyebrow while Bucky's expression remained the same.
"What am I doing here and why's Bucky-
"Shh, just stand there. We're trying to see if we can get Bucky to fail a lie detector test. Alright, new question. Is there anyone in this room you've thought about naked" Tony asked while all eyes stared at Bucky, the soldier biting his lip.
"No"
"Hm" Tony nodded, continuing. "Is there anyone in this room you've thought about having sex with"
"What kind of questions are you asking, pervert" Bucky exhaled through his nose, his finger tapping against the seat.
"Just answer the question Barnes" Tony smiled sweetly, grinning when the needle already started to move a little higher than before.
"No"
The needle ticked higher making Bucky huff, ignoring the way his face heated up when you stepped closer to peer at the paper.
"Interesting. Slight deception detected there Barnes, you sure about that?"
"Yes" Bucky forced through gritted teeth, managing to keep the needle from jumping around too much.
"Here, let me" You smirked, pulling Tony away from the seat, gazing into the soldiers eyes while he threw you a cocky smirk.
"Think you can do better doll?" He sassed while you shrugged, the scent of your perfume already making hi sweat.
"Have you ever thought of kissing me?" The needle jolted before Bucky could even open his mouth, making the others screech while Bucky shook his head. "Liar"
"You ever thought about me naked? You like watching me out on the field?"
"No" Bucky's pulse raced, his pants starting to feel too tight, the test scribbling wildly.
"Okay this mf lying" Sam snorted while Bucky's flushed cheeks grew hotter.
"Really? You ever think about me on my knees for you? Sucking your cock?"
"No" The needle nearly jolted off the sheet, making Tony cackle, clapping his hands madly while Steve blushed and chuckled, torn between watching his best friend's walls crumble and running out of the room with your questions getting filthier and filthier.
"You think about cumming down my throat? having me swallow all of you, telling you how good you taste?"
"No"
"You think about having me naked on your bed, soldier? Moaning for you? Screaming your name?"
"You think about stuffing me with your babies Jamie? Getting me pregnant with that serum running through your veins?"
"You want me to call you daddy baby? How about Sergeant"
"Do you want me to be your slutty baby, drip all over your cock"
"N-No" Bucky gritted out again while Sam threw his hands up.
"You're not fooling anyone dumbass, I think you broke the needle" The machine nearly gave way with a high pitched whizz matching Bucky's racing heartrate. You grinned, getting up from your seat, making him pant.
"Do I make you horny baby" You slinked onto his lap, making Bucky finally break his resolve, his hands flying to your waist.
"Fuck yes. C'mere" He hissed, ripping the wires off and tossing you over his shoulder with a spank while Tony peered over at the paper with a satisfied smirk.
"No lies detected"
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arieslost · 10 days
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ok i don’t know if it’s just me who gets really giggly when it’s late at night but imagine laying in bed with lando and you’re just rambling about smth so stupid that it ends with you two just giggling at nothing. like getting full on stomach cramps from laughing but there wasn’t even anything funny to begin with
anon u and i are the SAME! once its past midnight i always end up becoming a victim of the late night sillies 💔
© arieslost 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.
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1:30 am | ln4
you knew you were up too late when you nearly tripped over the loose edge of the blanket you and lando had been sharing on your way back to the couch, and when he had caught you before you could hit your head or anything, you started laughing.
“oh, no,” he’d groaned dramatically. “got the late night giggles already, huh?”
“uh-uh,” you shook your head, even though him saying the words “late night giggles” was enough to make laughter start bubbling up in your throat again.
something always shifted in you when the clock struck a certain hour at night, and lando had only been witness to it a handful of times before you moved in together.
now, you’d managed to get through the rest of the movie the two of you were watching without laughing, even if it meant biting your lip hard and refusing to make eye contact with your boyfriend. it was bad enough feeling his eyes on you every time he wanted to see your reaction to something that happened on the tv. making eye contact would just take you out entirely for no reason whatsoever.
which is why you think you’ve successfully avoided making a fool of yourself when you’re both finally laying in bed with the lights out at the fine hour of 1:30 in the morning.
“you’re so far away,” lando grumbles, dragging your body into his so his one arm is around your shoulders and your face is nestled in his neck.
“better?” you ask, smiling when he shivers as your lips brush his skin.
“mhmm.” he’s quiet for a moment, running his fingers up and down your arm. “you’re gonna come to miami, right?”
“yeah, if you want me to.”
“what kind of question is that, babe?” he cranes his neck in a way that tells you he’s fixing you with a judgy look even though you can’t see each other.
you shrug, feeling the giggles building up again for no reason whatsoever. “i dunno.”
“obviously i want you there, why wouldn’t i?”
“i dunno,” you repeat. “it’s miami. maybe you just wanna party with all your homies.” and just like that, you’re laughing again.
“oh dear god, here we go,” he sighs, pressing his lips together to repress his own laughter as your body shakes against his. “my homies? when have i ever referred to any of my mates as my ‘homie’?”
he sounds so incredulous that you laugh even harder. “oh, you’re so british! i can’t call them your mates, lan. it sounds too weird.”
“so homies is the word you went with? why can’t you be normal and just say my friends?”
“why can’t you be normal and say your friends?” you shoot back, and that does lando in.
“it’s not funny,” he tries to admonish, and it’s entirely true, but it’s a moot point when you can barely understand him through his laughter.
“stop laughing then!”
“you stop!”
naturally, that makes you both laugh harder still, to the point where you have to roll away from him, clutching your stomach from how badly all the laughing is making it hurt.
“i can’t breathe,” lando gasps from behind you.
“stop laughing,” you repeat. “you’re killing me.”
“i think i’m dying,” he continues like he didn’t hear you, and he honestly might not have because your face is half shoved into your pillow in your attempts to stifle yourself.
a few more minutes go by of the two of you absolutely losing your minds before you’re finally able to catch your breath.
“ow,” you whine, holding your stomach. “i think i just grew a six pack.”
“i think mine just became ten times more defined,” lando says, voice raspy from all the exertion on his vocal chords.
“ooh, lemme feel.”
“absolutely not, because you’re going to tickle me,” he grabs your wrist out of thin air. “i know your tricks, baby. i’ve laughed more than enough tonight thanks to you.”
“not my fault you’re weird and british.”
“i love you,” he says sweetly, pulling you back towards him and kissing your forehead. “now’s where you say, ‘i love you too.’”
“i love you too,” you reply dutifully, blindly reaching for his face so you can kiss him properly. “even though you’re weird and british.”
he kisses you again. “i thought it was especially because i’m weird and british.”
you snuggle into his side, now thoroughly exhausted. “please don’t make me laugh more, lan.”
you both know he’s right, of course, but you usually need to have the last word, so he lets you get away with it. he does love you, after all, even though you had him in stitches over nothing at 1:30 in the morning.
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word count: 790
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note: this was sooo self indulgent, like i was laughing as i wrote this because the term “homies” is so silly to me for some reason. also helped me test my dialogue skills!! n e wayz…
requests are OPEN, and my inbox is always open for comments, criticism, and conversation!
reblogs are greatly appreciated <33
dividers by @/saradika
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iceunhie · 8 months
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voicelines about you: as their lover !
featuring: imbibitor lunae, jing yuan, gepard. (+ jingliu and kafka)
notes: headcanons! some might be ooc HELP. i couldn't resist writing for hsr man… also jingliu and kafka sneak bc mmm i love morally questionable women 🤩. gn!reader. reader is not trailblazer. some fluff, some angst (?) kinda. reblogs are very much appreciated!
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Imbibitor Lunae (Danheng IL)
About [Name]: They're one of the few people who's never condemned me for Danfeng's sins, nor ever tried to get me to own up to them. Their presence is very comforting to me. My lover? *coughs* Y-yes, they are.
About [Name]: Selfies Aside from March, [Name] always seems to ask me to take photos with their camera. Hm? No, I don't really mind. If it makes them feel happy, then that's enough reason for me to agree.
About [Name]: Photo Albums [Name] made an Express photo album with March yesterday. Yeah, pictures of our adventures and memories, according to them. It's in the Data Bank, so just ask me if you want to take a look at it.
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Gepard Landau
About [Name]: [Name] is the most amazing individual I've met. Their determination and their will to pursue their goals to the fullest… I'm proud to call them my lover. Oh, ah… Was that too forward?
About [Name]: Lending a Hand Oftentimes, Serval asks [Name] to help her carry some things for her workshop. Although the times I get to personally help out are rare due to my duties, I still make it a point to support them by asking the Silvermane Guards to keep an eye out for them and help carry my sister's things for them if it's too heavy. Of course. They're always my top priority.
About Serval: Nagging Every time Serval stops by my post, it usually means [Name]'s run into some difficulties, which I try to help them out in. While her telling me about my lover's state is greatly appreciated, she always nags and teases me being a fool for them and… *sigh* No, it's alright, really. I'm thankful that my sister cares about [Name] and goes out of her way to talk to them for me. Still, I do hope her nagging would decrease next time.
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Jing Yuan
About [Name]: Hm? [Name]? Yes, they're indeed my lover. Hehe, now that you've brought them up, I should go look for them. I'm afraid I've grown so used to the feeling of laying my head on their lap that no other pillow can suffice. Ah, what a predicament…
About [Name]: Spending Time Together While I do enjoy dozing off, [Name] makes a point to let me rest at a more appropriate place, instead of at the Seat of The Divine Foresight, buried under a mountain of paperwork. Oftentimes, I do as they say, but when I'm not and just craving their presence… Heh, now that's another matter entirely.
(BONUS! - Yanqing's Voiceline) About [Name]: Oh, [Name]? They always give me some extra allowance for buying swords, buying me sweets and food I like… Of course I won't say no to that! Sometimes, them being with me when I'm being scolded by the General for my expenses helps a lot. Probably because they're the only one the General can't say no to.
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Jingliu
About [Name]: ….Do you really think you have the right to know about them? This is a warning. Try to ask again and perhaps you'll be faced with the end of my blade as my answer.
About [Name]: Soothed The whispers of the marastruck, succumbing to the Abundance… They are the only one able to calm the storm of my thoughts. For that, I am grateful for their patience and their kindness.
(BONUS 2! - Jing Yuan's Voiceline) About Name: While Master's current state is one of irreparable damage, at the very least… She has someone to hold onto while she grapples with the curse of mara. Even if I don't quite believe she's the Jingliu I knew from before, I know that her feelings for [Name] are sincere. I just hope she doesn't end up hurting them in the process.
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Kafka
About [Name]: Aha, now thats a question I didn't expect to hear from you. My lover? Yes, [Name] is that to me. I very much enjoy their love and affection, you know. Even if it isn't on the script, I'd still mention them. Quite romantic of me, no?
About [Name]: Trophy They always, always chide me about me ruining my velvet coats when we finish up a script. What's wrong with a little blood? I keep most of them as trophies. There's one I'm especially fond of, too. They think it's rather embarassing that I keep the coat from the time they got injured on the job. Although the stains have long since turnt black, there's still a faint scent of iron in it. Hm? What do I mean by that? Heh, let's just say I don't take any harm coming to [Name] lightly. While they call it a reminder of their lack of caution, I'd rather call it a little show of my affection~
About [Name]: Destiny's Course Elio refused to tell me about what my future with them would be, saying that the path in that choice is quite difficult to discern, and I think it's for the best. I suppose if [Name] decided to leave the Stellaron Hunters, hm, would locking them up till they can't leave me anymore suffice….? Haha, just kidding. I wouldn't let them leave in the first place.
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© 𝐌𝐇𝐈𝐈𝐄𝐄𝐄 : do not repost, copy, or plagiarize my work.
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oppopotamus · 1 month
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i have a toji brainrot rn.
dom!male!reader (younger than toji but still an adult) wanting to fck toji (dadbod toji yum) and toji doesn't believe that reader will be able to pleasure him.
toji gets wrecked (maybe some overstimulation and squirting as well teehee) and he gets smitten and addicted. 🤭
My next door neighbour is a hot dilf??
toji fushiguro x dom top male reader
srry this took so long I took a HUGEE break from writing
listened to Katy Perry while I wrote this which may or may not have affected my writing
Warning: NSFW, dilf toji, top reader, thigh spanking, toji passes out twice, toji cries, reader gets mean i guess??
Toji, your hot dilf neighbour, the guy who lives in the apartment next to yours, he's only across the hall.
You need this man, even if it's the last fucking thing you do.
You will not give up, you will persevere and fuck the living shit out of this total dilf.
You REFUSE to give up.
So that's why you were in front of his door, looking directly up at this dilf.
"Uh, hey!" You tried to sound confident but the sweat on your palms and your nervous smile gave it away that you were, in fact, not confident.
"Ya need sum'?" Toji's deep, rough voice sent shivers down your spine. His voice was so hot, you needed to hear him moan in that voice.
"Oh, uh, yeah..." 'Quick! Think of something!' You said in your mind.
"Uh, uh- Uhm... sugar!" 'Sugar? Fucking sugar? What kind of fucking response is sugar?!'
"Sugar." Toji repeated your word.
'Shit! He probably thinks I'm crazy!'
"You need to borrow some... sugar?" Toji raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest as he looked down at you.
"Uhm... yeah." You say, wiping the sweat on your palms onto your pants as you stand there very awkwardly in the front door.
"I think I have some left... come in." Toji says as he walks into his apartment, leaving the door open for you to follow.
You nod and laugh awkwardly, following in after him and into the kitchen.
You're literally shaking from nerves, you pinch yourself to steady yourself but instead you end up letting out an, "ow!"
Toji quickly turns around with a raised eyebrow, "you okay, kid?"
You shake yourself off and nod quickly, "yup! Just, uh, stubbed my toe!"
Toji raises an eyebrow at that, he doesn't know how you stubbed your toe considering you were standing in the middle of the kitchen, not next to anything.
He just turns around and grabs a mug to collect some sugar.
"And I'm not a kid, by the way... I'm in college, I'm an adult."
"Coulda' fooled me." Toji scoffs and grabs the bag of sugar before pouring some into a mug.
"I don't look like a kid! I'm, like, average height for someone my age! A kid isn't this tall!"
Toji just looks you up and down with a smirk and hands you the mug filled with sugar.
Your cheeks turn pink when Toji looks you up and down with that sexy smirk.
"Okay, so you may not be a kid, but you're definitely a virgin. You stutter and blush every time I look at ya."
You immediately stutter again, "I most certainly am not a virgin!"
"Please, you wouldn't even know how to please a guy like me." Toji scoffs and rolls his eyes.
"First of all, I'm not a virgin, second of all, I totally would know how to!"
"Really?" Toji takes a few steps towards you, his arms crossed over his chest, "Prove it then."
Prove it?! You say in your head.
"P-Prove it?" Your brain short-circuits at that, is this seriously happening?
"You heard me."
"Oh."
Not even a second later he's grabbing your hand and leading you to his bedroom, causing you to drop the mug of sugar onto the floor, but neither of you care about that right now.
"Prove it quickly, my son's gonna be home soon." Toji sits down on the edge of the bed, looking at you expectingly.
He has a son?! He really is a dilf!!
"A-Ah, alright then..."
You take a few hesitant steps towards Toji on the bed, you've never slept with a guy this hot before, you're usually so confident in bed but this guy makes you so nervous!
"U-Uhm, I'm gonna start now..." You say shakily as you reach a hand out and drag your index finger down from Toji's chin to collarbone, brushing over his Adam's apple which surprisingly makes him shiver.
"You're so hot." You desire starts to take control, clogging your mind and blocking out all the anxiety you previously felt.
"Thanks, kid." Toji says before letting out a quiet yelp as he's pushed down onto the bed, "That was quick-"
"Stop calling me 'kid'. It's annoying."
You glare at him before gently running your hands down Toji's torso, down to his hips, giving them a squeeze.
"M' not a kid... I know what I'm doing."
"I'll believe it when I see it." Toji scoffs.
"You'll believe it soon." You say as you hook your fingers under the waistband of his grey sweatpants and pull them down along with his boxers to just below his ass.
"You're already hard, really?" You tease with a smirk before reaching a hand out to give a single pump to his cock, making Toji grunt and grit his teeth when you pull your hand back.
You crouch down to drag his pants and boxers down to his ankles before pulling them off and spreading his legs apart so you can see his hole.
"You're so goddamn hot." You practically drool as you sit on your knees, your hands placed firmly on the insides of his thighs to spread his legs apart as you bring your head close to lick his hole.
When you see Toji's pleased reaction you keep going, licking and fingering him open until you deem him ready enough to take your cock.
You stand up again and unzip your jeans, pulling your pants and boxers down just enough to let your cock spring free.
"Jesus, you've actually got a big dick." Now it's Toji's turn to feel flustered when he sees your cock in all it's glory.
"You'll be even more impressed once it's actually inside you."
You smirk and grip the underside of Toji's left thigh, you push it back and use your other hand to grab your dick, slapping it against Toji's hole a few times, making the man squirm.
"You gonna put it in or wha' Ah!" Toji's eyes widen and he groans as you press the tip in.
"For an old guy you're hella tight..." You grunt and slowly push the rest of your length in. Once you're all the way in you give it a minute for Toji to adjust before you start slowly moving.
You thrust in and out slowly. brushing against his prostate each time you thrust back in.
Toji lets out a long string of moans and grunts as you move back and forth, in and out. "J-Jesus... y-you actually know what y-you're doing, h-huh?" Toji can't help but smile in ecstasy as you speed up your thrusts, "Hhholy shit-!"
Toji groans and grips the bed sheets tightly, his knuckles turning white.
"Haah, ffuck!" You moan and grab onto his hips tightly as you speed up, getting faster with each thrust.
"Oh, fuck!" Toji squeezes his eyes shut, a few tears falling down the side of his face from pure pleasure.
Toji can't believe how fast it happens, but he cums almost instantly, he blacks out for a moment until he comes back to his senses when he feels a hard smack on his thigh.
He yelps and opens his eyes, immediately moaning again once he sees you're still fucking him.
"Y-You're still g-going?"
You spank his thigh again, "I haven't even cum yet."
You groan and throw your head back, you're still gripping his hips tightly, he's sure to be bruised by now.
Toji feels as though this has gone on forever, when it's only been fifteen minutes since you started, but to him it's felt like an eternity with how many times he's came.
Toji cums again and again, he's crying at this point but he doesn't dare ask you to stop.
It's not for another twenty minutes later till you cum, Toji sees stars when it finally happens, he cums so hard he blacks out, falling limp on the bed.
You come back to your senses and immediately freak out, "Toji?!"
You look down at him worriedly, when you see that he's breathing you calm down, you have no idea what to do so you do what any normal person would do.
You pull your pants back up and walk out of the room, quietly shutting it behind you.
You walk to the front door and open it only to see a teenage boy who's about to open the door.
You immediately stop in your tracks and have no idea what to say, you just quietly step outside and past the kid, the kid eyeing you warily.
"Uhm... you Toji's kid?" You ask awkwardly.
"Yeah... I'm Megumi..." The kid, or Megumi, says, still glaring at you.
"Uhm, maybe don't go into your dad's room for a while..." Is all you say before you run away, back into your apartment.
"What a weirdo..." Megumi says out loud to himself before walking inside.
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kingconia · 9 months
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TWISTED WONDERLAND'S HOUSEWARDENS WITH A READER, WHO IS INSPIRED BY THE PROTAGONIST FROM THEIR STORIES
A/N: I didn't add Kalim or Jamil, because I feel their storyline is too much Aladdin & Jafar inspired already to do anything else with them.
Riddle Rosehearts. ❤️
— That was definitely a dislike from the first sight. He predicted you to be his future reason of headache as soon as the mirror sent you to the Heartslabyul;
— Riddle sees you as an air-headed fool, who only asks too many unnecessary things, daring to question the wishes of the Red Queen, instead of serving to your dorm as a proper student would do;
— You, from the other side, struggle with understanding what makes Riddle hate you so much. You were nothing but kind towards him, always suggesting to eat some sweets together, and trying to ask him to take a break from his studies to hang out with you or others;
— When he overhears that your signature spell makes you others to tell you the truth, Riddle is... Intimidated. He is afraid that you will use is against him, and so, he starts ignoring you more often.
”Housewarden acts like an asshole towards you, though.”
Riddle doesn't even need to think twice to recognise a loud voice of Ace Trappola, another troublemaker in his form. He knows that he should just give him a punishment and leave for a lesson, but instead, he hides in the nearest bush, waiting to hear the rest of the conversation.
”Oh, Ace. You are being rude,” you mutter softly, sighing at your classmate. ”Perhaps, a housewarden doesn't like me, but this feeling is not necessarily mutual.”
Riddle raises his brows in surprise. Why, though? He is aware that his attitude is nothing but awful when it comes to you. He doesn't have a proper reason for that, either.
”You should, really,” Ace rolls his eyes. ”Dude has a problem with you liking white. And what else? Being nice?”
That isn't true. He is fine with you liking white—though, he admittedly got frustrated when you asked him on your first day why painting roses red, if they are prettier when they are white—and being nice. He just considers you too naive for this world.
”I think, you are... Misjudging him.”
That is right, Riddle mutters mentally. Tell him, Y/n.
”I think, the reason why housewarden is so... Let's say, annoyed by me, it is because I am everything he grew up hating and being restricted with. And it is harder, when something you should never be interested in, is nice and interesting. I think, housewarden is just confused.”
He feels his cheeks blushing furiously.
What did you say—
”And I think you are just being delusional,” Ace chuckles, patting your shoulder softly. ”Now, please, let's get out of here. I want to find Deuce.”
Riddle listens to the sound of your rushing steps, but he can't care less about it now. All he can do, is to recite your words, again and again.
Does he really think you as a nice and interesting?
Yes.
Does it make him hate you even more?
No, but he wishes it could work this way.
Until now, though, he merely returns to his studies. Maybe, you can be honest with yourself and everyone, but this kind of thing is not for him at all.
Leona Kingscholar. 💛
— Leona didn't notice you at first. Honestly, never planned too, until you started to cling to him in some idiotic attempts to be... What? Friends?;
— You remind him so much of Cheka, but he actually likes his nephew deep inside. And your presence is absolutely insufferable;
— You are too childish and annoying, and all you do is sway your tail as you try to befriend him, while pretending that you actually like him. Leona knows you have ulterior motives. Stop lying to him!
— He finds it stupid how someone so moronic as you managed to pull out such an interesting signature spell. Manipulating dreams of others? How cruel.
”Stop doing that,” Leona hisses, digging in your wrist as you try to touch his hair. ”I am seriously going to kill you, if you keep doing this. Do you hear that?!
A few weeks ago—approximately since you figured out your magic—Leona started saw dreams. Very colourful ones, cheerful even. And each, with the same meaning: he becomes the king, and his family and people adores him.
He hates it.
And he hates you for doing that.
Because, of course, he doesn't need your fucking pity. Your condescension. Your gifts. He doesn't need to be mocked!
”Ah? Leona-sama, what is it?” You blink, confused.
”What is your problem, huh?” He hastily jumps on his legs, towering on you. ”Don't you have anything to do? Go and mind your business, brat!”
Your lostness shifts in sadness. You are not scared of him, you are never are—another proof that you don't take him seriously—but you dare to look at him like that. As a kicked puppy.
”What did I do?”
”Stop sending me these stupid dreams! I don't need your pity, do you hear me?!” He yells, still gripping your wrist tightly. ”Go and dream of your family or something, instead, would you?”
”I... I am sorry,” you mumble, and your eyes dart on the floor.
Leona closes his mouth, when realisation dawns on him. You don't have a family to dream about; you are an orphan. Yours, the previous crown family, were killed by his great predecessors.
He doesn't know why he feels bad, when you picked the fight first.
”I will never bother you again, Leona-sama. I apologise.“ You repeat, and your voice suddenly sounds numb.
That is not the sight of you he, or anyone else, was used to. Not a single emotion on your face. You just snatch your wrist from his hold, before leaving him alone as he asked to.
”You are such a jerk,” Ruggie whistles from behind, appearing almost from nowhere.
”Shut up.”
”You know that they can't send any control dreams, right?” He continues, hands on his hips.
”What?” Leona unwillingly turns head on his vice.
”Dunno, but they only can adjust if it is going to be nightmare or a good dream,” Ruggie yawns. ”They are just a first-year, so... It is your brain that decides where is where for now.”
Fuck.
Leona hisses furiously.
He is so fucked up.
Azul Ashengrotto. 🩵
— Oh, so this is love? He notices you in the crowd of other students, as you flinch from loud voices from dynamics, clearly knowing very little of this world, and he is amused. Someone is clearly more social awkward than he is;
— Azul thinks you don't like him that much, though, because you only wave at him, and when he once tried to speak, you merely nodded and smile all the time without answering him properly;
— It is until twins tell him that you don't have a voice. You were brought to this world completely mute, because of the family curse, and though you hear everything, your only way to communicate with others is writing. Or a sign language;
— But if anything gods blessed you is your magic. Everything you touch turns to gold, and that is actually the main reason why you were kept isolated over years. Azul is over heels for you now...
”I am glad that you took time to accept my invitation, Y/n.”
Azul locks his hands together, looking at you with unhidden excitement. He is always too nervous in your company—luckily, you can't read a room—but today is a special day.
You smile at him, instead of answering.
”The reason why I asked you to came here, it is because I have a deal for you,” he continues carefully, weighing his every word. ”Do you see that?”
He points with his finger at the middle of the table. There is very beautiful necklace with pearls and a little seashell, looking quite normal and mundane. You nod again.
”That is something that could break your curse,” he explains, enjoying the way your eyes widen in the poor shock. ”Yes, yes, you heard me right. With that, you could speak easily.”
Azul can't help but soften as you tear up instantly. There is a whole minute, when he fights an urge to give it to you for free, but... He built his reputation too long to break it so easily.
”But, of course, I will need something from you in return.”
You tilt your head in question.
”I...”
I need you to love me.
”...I need you to use your power for my business when it will be required.”
And with that, Azul quickly shoves another contract to you. You blink a few times, but there is no back thoughts in your head. Quickly, as if afraid that he will change his mind, you took the pen, and leave your signature on all places, where it was needed.
Ah... Angelwish, why are you so naive! It kills him! What if he tried to use you? You didn't even read a contract! You really should be glad that Azul loves you so much.
Before he realises that, you are already putting a necklace on yourself.
One second, two. Three.
You are staring at him.
”Well?” He asks, anxiously.
”A... Azul?”
His heart drops.
Your voice is amazing. And hearing you saying his name is even better than he expected. He blushes.
”Azul... Thank you?”
”S-sure.”
Seems, like it is his turn to be speechless...
Vil Schoenheit. 💜
— He originally had nothing against you... Until other students didn't start to call you the most beautiful person in the world, following you everywhere obsessively, and suggesting you to become the next housewarden;
— Vil now officially hates you. Each time you come to him ends up with short anger impulses that he hardly hides from you, and he wishes you could just disappear;
— He is quite... Cruel with you. He wants you to change your dorm, actually, so he desperately pushes you to the edge by giving you impossible tasks to fullfil, and turning others against you;
— And he thinks your signature spell, speaking and controlling animals is another proof that you should leave Pomefiore for Savanaclaw.
“I don't think you are stupid, un petit entraîneur.”
Vil narrows his eyes, leaning slightly forward from his balcony. The sight of his vice speaking with you—hunter's interest in you was his another concern—annoys him instantly.
”What do you mean, Rook?” There is a big cat in your lap, clearly another of your minions.
”You know that our dear housewarden wants you out of here,” he murmurs, moving closer to you. ”A fair exchange with Savanaclaw, I would say. He doesn't like you here.”
You sigh.
”I figured it out, trust me. He made it very clear by always putting me in dangerous situations and giving me outdated products for skin, making me look like a fool in front of others.”
You don't mention how he makes you clean dark and messy rooms of other students.
”Yet, you are not willing to give up?” Rook touches the strand of your hair curiously.
”You know, I actually liked him a lot,” you admit suddenly, patting the cat behind its ear. ”Vil was the world for me. I was so amazed by him. By how collected he was, how hard he worked. I was excited to become his student... I wished to show him what he is worthy of. That others see his hard work.”
Vil's breath hitches. He remembers you mentioning that you were his fan, but he punished you for this remark; he didn't need to be so violently degraded. But... Was it a truth, then?
”...It is in the past now. I witnessed his true colours, and I will not tolerate it,” your smile twists in something more vicious, a ghostly fondness leaving your pretty face. ”He doesn't need to be scared of me being better anymore. Because I am going to be so much worse.”
He shudders as he hears that, your voice cold, and eyes gleaming dangerously. And as if Rook addresses him, he sighs suddenly, with the strange excitement in his voice:
”Oh, mon doux karma. What had you done?”
Idia Shroud. 💙
— From the minute you open your mouth in his presence , Idia knows he will hate you desperately... It is not serious, though;
— You are unbelievably loud, and too cheerful, and too proud, and you are so self-centred? Also, a fucking bimbo. Idia has no idea why everyone so into you, and what you are even doing in Ignihyde! Go away!
— You annoy him so much, and he actually hates the way you try to befriend him and make him more normie! Stop be like that! You are not welcome!
— Idia is absolutely not impressed that your signature spell is an instant tactics creation. Fuck you, by the way.
“You do know, that doors exist, right?” Idia hisses, not even stopping his game to spare you some attention.
”I do!” You say, climbing through the window with a loud thud.
”Then, why don't you use them, idiot?!”
Idia has no the slightest idea why anyone, let alone you of all people—he means, since you genuinely think that it is healthy to spend all your time outside of the room—would want to become his friend. But here you are. Trying to befriend him for a month already.
”Because you never open the door, Idia-sama,” you shrug easily.
”Take a hint, maybe.”
You close the window behind yourself, taking place behind his chair. Putting elbows on it, you hum thoughtfully, glancing from Idia to the screen of the computer, where the game flashes on. Another few minutes, and familiar yelps fill the room:
”Shit!”
Game over.
”Idia-sama,” you frown, ”maybe, I can help you?”
Idia snickers, rubbing his tired eyes. As if.
”Have you ever played this game, even?”
”No,” you murmur shyly, scratching the back of your neck. ”But I am good at tactics. And it is combat game, correct?”
Idia ponders for a while. That is surprising, because... You are actually absolutely correct. For once.
”Sit down, first year,” Idia exclaims, suddenly excited. ”I am going to teach you how to play this game.”
You smile widely, doing as it was told.
Finally, you cracked the code! And they said you weren't for this dorm...
Malleus Draconia. 💚
— Of course, he missed you as the new student at first, since he forgot to arrive at the orientation day. But it is not that long as he starts hearing others praising you, Lilia especially;
— You are quickly becoming the part of the school life as everyone loves you, and calling you ’the heart of the school’. And while Malleus wants to befriend you, too... He also can't help but feel envious of how easy it is for you. The socialization;
— You are quick to fall asleep everywhere, much like Silver. And since Malleus can't find courage to speak to you, he wanders around, when you are asleep at the strangest places, instead;
— When the first overblot incident happens, your signature spell kicks in. To everyone's horror, it is absolutely terrifying. Your magic is about thorns. Thorns, that wrap around Riddle's weakened body, when he touches you. He almost dies. And the same thing happens with Ace, who accidentally brushes your skin. Now... Everyone shun you away.
”Hello, Malleus-sama,” you mutter, eyes sleepy as you look around. ”I apologise.”
Malleus doesn't quite mind you falling asleep in the class, where his gargoyle's researches are going currently. He is the only member, anyway. But he nods.
”I had never seen you here before,” he notices in a poor attempt of the small talk.
You shrug.
”There is no other students here. And it is better for me not to show up around them.”
What a familiar thinking process... Somehow, he finds it easier: to approach you know, when you are not everyone's favourite anymore.
”I see. You can stay, then. I am not welcomed by them either, so no one is going to enter this classroom.”
You offer him a smile. It is short, strained at the edges, but still sweet. Malleus thinks he understands how you so easily charmed others in the last months; you are much like sunshine, when you are happy. It is a shame you are not, anymore.
”You know, Malleus-sama, I always wanted to become your friend,” you admit suddenly, making him open his eyes in surprise. ”And, I think, you wanted to be mine friend, too.”
You? Why would someone like you want to have him as your friend?
”And why would you think that?”
You fold arms on your chest slowly.
”You are always here, when I am sleeping,” Malleus feels blush touching the tips of his pointy ears. You elaborate. ”I am not sure people realise, but I sleep too much not only because I am lazy, but also because I feel surroundings better like this. I remember everything I hear in my sleep, and I do feel if someone is around.”
Ah. So, that is the secret of yours. And he wondered how you master in all your classes, when you sleep all the time...
”...I see,” Malleus mutters, ashamed. ”I apologise, then.”
He reminiscences of how often he whispered you some nonsense when you slept—childish complaints about how he hates you for being so easily loved by others, random poems that came to his mind as he sat down by your side, stories from his childhood—and feels like disappearing in the shame wouldn't be that bad.
”You know, Malleus-sama, you and I... We are not so different. We both do what we have to do to keep our loved ones to ourselves,” you sit down on the couch beside him slowly. ”But it leads only to one thing.”
Malleus gazes at you curiously as you suddenly curl on his lap, much like a cat. Your eyes met as he helps you to settle more comfortably.
”To destiny?” He asks aloud, tilting his head.
”To pain.”
There is a beat of silence in which your smile suddenly appears to be more bitter, less serene. Malleus doesn't know what happened with you in details, and how awfully these changes in your reputation affected on you, but he can say that it was hard.
”Now, if you don't mind, and I believe, you don't, Malleus-sama, I would like to dream a little bit.” You warn him, already closing your eyes, not really waiting for the answer.
Still, Malleus nods. Though that is not something you can see.
”Sleep, then... Beastie,” he sighs, patting your hair gently.
You snicker, before your breath slows down, alarming that you completely drifted off.
Malleus stares at you openly now.
Ah, who would've thought? He had finally made a friend.
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Part two with Leona & Vil is here.
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