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eighth-house-tarot · 2 months

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How can you help support the world?

🐾🐛🌱🍄🪴 pick a card 🪴🍄🌱🐛🐾

how to pick (link)

pile 1 🐄 | pile 2 👁 | pile 3 ✨

deck used: tarot of the divine

Pile 1 🐄:

reversed 7 pentacles, the chariot, queen of wands 🃏

In the artwork of the rev. 7 of pentacles card, the fire is upside down. I see this as you feeling very frustrated, and your passion inside you having difficultly being expressed or shared. This frustration can be (imo the most likely reason) because you’re working so hard with no or little reward or feedback, working so hard you aren’t allowing yourself to appreciate your efforts, something else is taking your time, or you’re frustrated with yourself for procrastinating. Listen, you’ve got something pure and good inside you - you’re learning how to bring it into life in the most constructive and wholesome way. The process can be frustrating and that’s okay. Exhale. And if you feel sad because you’re so tired and jaded it feels like that fire in you is going out - it’s not, your light is always there.

The art of the Chariot card reminds me of the Lao Tzu quote (note: new translations have come out, and I’m not sure if this is still the wording)

Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong.

I also think of how all raindrops lead to the ocean. Every little effort you’re doing now naturally leads to the Big Thing you’re working towards or for. Also, I see the salmon as your inner passion’s fire. It “swims” with ease through your new method of effort, and is extremely powerful when you need to call upon it (it can swim and jump upstream after all! to continue the metaphor).

Of course, be aware of “bears” along this river fattening up for winter - share your passion with the necessary people who will earnestly help you / your partners in this action, others only after they’ve shown their actions to be trustworthy, and the public once you’ve made good progress already and your passion has grown so much that there’s a lot of “salmon” in your river! That way, haters, copycats, grifters, and saboteurs can’t effectively touch you or stop you. Protect your idea and energy.

The third card is the Hawaiian goddess Pele or Pelehonuamea representing the Queen of Wands. First off, Blessed Be. 🙏❤️‍🔥🌋

Seeing the goddess of lava and creation of new land, I think of your passion’s fire and the waters of your efforts becoming lava. “Fluid”, molten, “fire” rock! Not only have your efforts and passion become a truly unstoppable force, they are constructive and are creating something real. Something as real and solid and enduring as new land! That’s awesome and amazing! Go you!!

This could be your Big Thing, a new method you’ve created, or a new system. Whatever it is, like land, new growth with come from this. New things and goals will come from This Thing. I think more than you can imagine right now. But please don’t get overwhelmed by that thought, I believe it’s everything you’ve ever wanted. I mean, look how much beauty has come from Pele’s lava. I don’t know if she expected the amazing lush life would grow through her! I believe she followed her natural drive, and the blessings naturally came with it. It also makes me think you should welcome the (legitimately good / effective / constructive) contributions of others.

As you are reaching this point of this card’s meaning, and when you are in it, I believe you should also carry with you the concept of the “orgasmic Yes” from Audre Lorde’s essay “The Uses of the Erotic ~ The Erotic as Power” (to read in full, click this link) - please read or listen to this essay is full. Basically though, what it is that makes you say “Yes!”, fully embodied, completely? No holds barred, totally of You, your desires and true values (not the values forced on you / what you “should” believe)? When you say “Yes!”, does your body feel settled, relaxed, at ease? Always, always follow that.

Last things of note, be mindful not to burn yourself out again, and be mindful of your temper. Let your righteous protective anger destroy or stop what must be destroyed or stopped, but don’t go so far as to hurt what shouldn’t have been hurt. Trust me, people - at this stage - know you can’t be fucked with and that no one can fuck with you. While lava builds, it destroys too. And no one can stop lava - only water can (but fresh lava is still dangerous even in water). Certainly, people can’t stop it, they are at its mercy. Use the waters that brought you here to help cool or redirect your temper when you need to. Also, whatever people are destroying of your “island”, you can stop and build back up.

🦢 ♥︎ much love - Clarissa Liddy ♥︎ 🦢

if this reading helped you, here's more on what I offer if you'd like to support my work you can buy me a coffee or reblog

Pile 2 👁

reversed 10 of swords, reversed Hanged Man, reversed Fool🃏

The first card is the Inuit goddess Sedna, represented in the reversed 10 of swords. Blessed Be. 🙏🦭🧊

I see that you have experienced a deep horrible betrayal, one so cruel you couldn’t have ever thought this was something someone would ever do to another. In case it needs to be said, it’s okay to have never imagined or thought this cruelty was possible. The fault is solely with the one who harmed you. I believe this person was above you - like a boss, mentor, or a more experienced peer. For many reading this, they saw what you are capable of and their ego felt threatened by the thought of losing their position in the power dynamic. They were never doing their work with sincere humility in the first place. If they weren’t someone above you, they were a peer who saw what you would achieve, and felt threatened that they wouldn’t get it first and be able to hold above others. Even if you weren’t acting fairly, or were immature, what happened to you was entirely out of proportion to a reasonable response. Don’t waste your time attempting to rationalize their actions.

In the artwork of the reversed 10 of swords, the imagery tells a gruesome, cruel story. The stories of the goddess Sedna have many different situations that lead to the choice her father makes of complete brutality and betrayal. In some stories, Sedna frustrates others in ways that could be reasonable to be frustrated with - in many, she frustrates others when she is being her authentic self. No matter the reason her father could give for his actions, she was a victim. It doesn’t matter if she was a perfectly “good” person either. Nothing can justify her father reacting to her asking for help, and clinging to the kayak for dear life, slicing her fingers off. Because this card is reversed, I take this as the aftermath. To generalize the aftermath of Sedna’s story, after sinking to the depths of the sea, she doesn’t die. She becomes the Goddess of the Sea. Her fingers become seals, walruses, whales, and fish. Her love, her goodwill, her spirit never left her — for she releases the animals for the hunters who show her love, respect, and kindness in return (when hunters do not give her this, she doesn’t allow the animals to be found). Even though when she is in pain, she is known to be fearsome — she is known for her benevolence most of all. I share this story of the goddess Sedna because you have been treated so cruelly. She and her story show you your pain is real, what happened was not okay, your kind heart is always with you, loving relationships will come again, and that you have ever right to demand respect and enforce your boundaries. It’s is good to be your powerful self, to say no, to refuse to help people who do things for their own gain alone.

In your aftermath (and how I see the reversed Hanged Man), you’ve taken yourself out of this work or group or field. You do feel good that you are giving yourself time to heal. Take as much time as you need to give yourself peace. This could be months, a year, or years. No matter what, go at your own pace. During this time, seek professional help or a support group. Create your own safe space. There will come a day when your passion, your gusto, will return. As per this deck’s artwork of the Hanged Man, Sleeping Beauty, you may feel like you’ve “woken up”.

In the artwork of the reversed Fool, we see the Little Mermaid. I believe this card and it’s message is connected is connected to Sedna, as her Goddess form resembles a mermaid. Now that you have a network of support, and some healing, you are ready to get back out there, go after what you want. You may still feel raw, tender, and upset at times, and Sedna teaches us that that’s okay. To need the help of others is okay (for example, sometimes Shaman’s go to get to help comb her hair when it gets tangled and comfort her when she needs support). The world is wide and there are good people in it. They have the same love you have, the same passion for the cause you care about. Seek them out as you grow in this area. Sincerity seeks sincerity.

🦢 ♥︎ much love - Clarissa Liddy ♥︎ 🦢

if this reading helped you, here's more on what I offer if you'd like to support my work you can buy me a coffee or reblog

pile 3 ✨

reversed 9 of swords (Oedipus), 4 of cups (the Nightingale by Hans Christian Anderson) (<- link), and 7 of wands (John Henry, American folk hero) 🃏

You are almost constantly doing 1 of 2 things: doom scrolling, or absorbing yourself into hyper stimulating media (ex: video / mobile games, ASMR videos, constantly listening to something as you watch something as you do something). I get the feeling you are afraid of, or deeply bothered or frustrated, by silence, stillness, and boredom.

Do you feel like it’s your responsibility to constantly see and learn of all of the horrors happening, but then get so overwhelmed by them and your emotions that you dive deep into your comfort areas of the internet, and stay there until you fall asleep? And then doom scroll again because you feel guilty for over indulging in unimportant things - and also you just can’t look away? If yes, relatable tbh lol.

The thing about fear though, is when we let it consume us, it often times becomes true - and if they do become true, even worse, we spent so much time being scared that we never prepared ourselves to be able to handle it!

Do you have a habit of sometimes thinking “it’s just the way it is”, “it’s just the way things are”, “things have always been this way”? Or do others day this to you?

First of all, that’s not true. The only constant is change itself! Secondly, people only say this in defeat of harmful actions. No one, including you, should ever accept abusive actions and circumstances. Thirdly, this way of thinking is taught.

(/g) Does this line of thinking feel true to your heart?

You crave real connection and the real natural world (this might offend you or be too much of a read - but you basically have an unconscious longing to touch grass). You may be ignoring this craving due to the belief you can't have it, because these connections and opportunities either literally are, or simply feel, unavailable to you. But I feel that you have some level of addiction to the over stimulation of any media, being constantly plugged in. If you’re chronically online to not just distract yourself, but because it’s also your job (like you're a twitch streamer making good money), or how you are organizing community, you still feel like there's something missing in your life.

Whatever it means to you, that Real Thing that's been missing, that you long for, will find you. Don't dismiss it as “nothing” when you realize it’s there. It is, or will be, in plain sight - right in front of your nose. You just need to look up, and see the forest for the trees (how does that saying go? lol). You’ll know what it is.

This will be a pivotal moment for you. No matter how this situation applies to you, know that this moment will be so simple or normal, and it's ordinariness will arrest you. It will shock you, in a good way. You'll be eternally grateful for this thing that is so simple, yet existentially amazing.

You will receive that a-ha moment. You will feel so connected to life and existence (even if for a brief moment).

You will also see how this Thing has been commodified by powerful people, instead of freely existing and sharing its gifts among everyone (as it was meant to be). You may have a small desire to commodify this Thing yourself - don’t do that <3

(this is part of my connection I’m making this reading to the Nightingale fairytale)

You’ll bring something into the tech industry that’s missing. With kindness and humility, you'll bring in and encourage people who have the same caring goals as you. You want to show how humanity can come and work together in a dignified and fair and joyous way, and you absolutely can.

I got a strong feeling from the cards that this was about you working on artificial intelligence. Like keeping its use in check, creating laws to keep people who create and program AI - and the people who use it - accountable to their actions. You could be creating and coding AI to be able to do more wholesome / not harmful things. You could be working to emphasis the "human touch”, and making it clear when something is made by humans vs AI (with a higher value ascribed to what was made by humans). Your work will not demonize this new tool / tech itself, but you’ll focus on fighting against what ill-willed people intend to use it with. And you’ll do your best to make sure these ill-willed plans and intentions are known through out the general public. Your focuses will be on solidarity, humanity as a whole community, and our quality of life.

ADVICE

It’s important to stay informed and open to learning, your heart is in the right place. Learning is a constantly moving cycle of receiving information, processing it, resting, reflecting and analyzing, and then asking new questions. Exhale, and know that giving yourself a pause from this subject is actually helping you understand it. Our brains are so amazing!

I think what would help you is giving yourself patience as you transition through each stage of learning. Instead of jumping from info-binging (is that a phrase?) to another activity, you could stop all media for 3-10 seconds, inhale and exhale, and then decide what to do next (and do that each time you do something new). Baby steps will still help you <3

Meet what you fear with love. Love makes us brave, gives us courage, and supports us as we do great things.

And on the subject of great things, I’m going to give advice that I frankly need to hear too. Don’t get caught up in achieving greatness, because that tends to stop you (it’s often rooted in perfectionism). Focus on the actions that serve people who need great help. Focus on developing great relationships with people who need help, or who want to help. The results of your actions and relationships will be what will bring this great, needed change.

When our egos want to be known for achieving greatness, it’s because we need to be seen, validated, remembered, and loved. Know that you exist because you belong, you are loved, you are seen, you are remembered, and there are so many people you haven’t met yet who love you.

And as a final piece of advice, we are strongest when we work together. When you seek to help others, you need to also allow others to help you. A victory is a team effort.

🦢 ♥︎ much love - Clarissa Liddy ♥︎ 🦢

if this reading helped you, here's more on what I offer if you'd like to support my work you can buy me a coffee or reblog

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raindrops-on-concrete · 2 months

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no no no, hear me out, a texting fic where a bunch of mxtx characters are thrown into a groupchat and every chapter just ends with Xie Lian sharing poetry and thus abruptly ending the conversation bc everyone stops replying

#bc that's literally what he does in the spiritual communication array all the time #and I think it'd be funny if this is like the only way he's ever communicating in the gc #like wei wuxian will be spamming with whatever but people actually talk to him and feng xin and mu qing will be fighting or smth #and then xie lian is just like 'how you doing fellow kids'#and everyone just goes silent #mxtx #mdzs #tgcf #haven't read scum villain yet so not tagging that #heavens official blessing #the grandmaster of demonic cultivation #mo xiang tong xiu #mxtx fanfic #fanfiction

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ittybittybeastiebuddy · 4 months

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Staring into space wide eyed while an overlay of the birth of the universe plays

#beastiebites #im gonna have to do more research for sure but uh #went into the otherkin tag to see some more posts to try and understand it better and was Immediately struck by immense deja vu #like #oh my god i understand you guys on a goddamn spiritual level #yes i also did in fact grow up wanting to be a wild animal #i still chirp and meow and hiss to communicate #what do u Mean im not alone or a freak for doing that what do u Mean there were people like me out there this whole time #brb gonna fight god for denying me access to the communities that wouldve made me mentally happier for the last 20 years #seriously though of my god #i havent felt this seen since i discovered i was autistic and went to find out about other experiences #oh my god #i could actually cry #this explains So Much #i think whats getting me the most is that Im Not Alone there are Other Creatures Like Me and i just Didnt Know #Cause I Never Really Knew What Otherkin Meant But I Knew That Some People Would Be Mean About It And I Was Scared #And i try so fuckin hard not to care what people think of me but i was scared and that kept me from finding people like me #im not alone im not weird or a freak for this im not alone there are others like me

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relmint · 1 year

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Realizing schools in the phil don't really talk about our precolonial history and immediately jumps into teaching about the colonial era 🤩 Legit I remember nothing about how our societies worked before colonization because our schools cover so little of it 😭😭😭😭 And the first time I discovered we had our own pantheon of gods I was legit so surprised because I never heard of them before??? It's sad there's not much info on them tho kdndndndn

#Datu #i wanna....read.... boxer codex......#also ayo apparently in ancient filipino society there were Babaylans #they r basically spiritual shamans who can communicate with the spirit world and also perform healing #they are mostly women #but some transwomen can also become Babaylans #they r also held with such high respect #that if the (head of a village) is absent they r the ones to take the leading role #anyways it's sad how disconnected a lot of ppl in my country are from our precolonial roots djnsnsnsnsn #hahaha that awkward moment when u remember ur younger felt ashamed to be Filipino and spoke english to seem more classy and educated #i want to punch younger me so hard in the face rn #relscreeches #also help why are my tags broken up???#tumblr r u doing ok #I'm 2 lazy to fix it JABSBSBBSSN #clarification: this is just what I noticed based on my experience huhu #like yeah I'm pretty sure they do teach stuff like that #but I remember so little of it compared to our colonial history hshebheeh #idk if it's just me hahahaha

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theres-whump-in-that-nebula · 8 months

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The paranormal is super interesting to me. I think a lot of people see the bad side of it because they don’t treat entities with respect and sensationalize them. Rationally, if they are real dead people, then they should be treated as one would any other human; if they are spirits, then they are simply another species as intelligent as ourselves, and should also be treated with the utmost sensitivity, since their culture is likely different than our own due to their lack of physical bodies. Terms like “angel” and “demon” moralize these phenomena, and could possibly be taken as slurs by non-corporeal beings who understand the language these words are spoken in.

I dislike the term “ghost hunting” because the wording is much like the kind you’d use to refer to hunting a species of animal. I also dislike the concept of commercialized haunted locations. Imagine someone — who believes you are a horrifying monster — barging into your home with cameras, hoping to take pictures of you. Imagine someone opening up your house as a tourist attraction — a zoo — for the whole world because they think they can make money off of how creepy you are… Honestly, I don’t think the ghosts are the ones being creepy.

Yeah, I’d be strangling people and throwing shit across the room too if I had to deal with the clout-obsessed, phone-toting paparazzi that are living humans.

#paranormal discourse #is that even a tag #ghost rights #like ok I’m agnostic so I don’t necessarily believe every paranormal story I hear but I am inclined to believe spirits are real #one way or another #because of my own experiences and because so many people have their own experiences that cannot be explained #I believe there is an explanation for everything; and that “magic” is just phenomena unexplainable by *today’s* science #Tomorrow’s science may explain why we see some things; whether “tomorrow” is in five years or five centuries no one can know #We will get there eventually #Or maybe we won’t because human perception is so limited (we can’t see shrimp colors for instance)#But imagine what we could gain if the spiritual and physical worlds formed a bridge to collaborate with their knowledge #IF that spiritual world exists in the way we think it does — and we may be very wrong about that #But yeah… if ghosts are what we think they are… everything about the way we’ve been treating them is ABHORRENT #Putting *people* in *zoos*#nah #nonono #I’m all for communication and cultural exchange; but it should be performed professionally and ceremonially like a diplomatic meeting #My brain goes off the fucking rails at night istg h e l p #I’m right though

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alethonym · 10 months

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unbelievable how many things are clicking into place. i can't put them into words right now though there's too many and they're slippery

#my stuff #adding on as i collect:#feeling like I'm barred from my own sexuality #not remembering events and needing people to remind me #lifelong identity issues #the way my ex literally lives in my head rent free and i thought it was twin flame telepathy or something. ngl i still believe in telepathy #like just in general being able to communicate with people in vibes but. that's beside the point here i think #back to the point: my strategies of coping with bad situations being basically 'whatever I'll just dissociate'#so called intrusive thoughts but they're really just like advice or jokes or whatever sometimes a lil scary too but yeah #NOT EVER FEELING CONFIDENT STATING ANYTHING ABOUT MY BELIEFS OR ATTRIBUTES BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS CHANGE...............#the fucking literal maps i used to draw like bro...#i didn't think it was MINE i thought it was like a spiritual structure of the universe or Something. very embarrassing.#sorry for putting it all out here like this. i just want it available later #also i just deleted my tags on another post without really thinking about it but literally yesterday i was still talking about how i #'see myself as one person its just a loose definition of what an identity is' like i tie my identity to the body no matter what #that's another thing like. that time i learned to Trust the Body above all else #i didn't really understand why i was even having trouble with something like that #but also i somehow thought it was normal #more or less #feeling like i was a different person based on who i was talking to. i thought i was just masking autism or like idk mirroring y'know #looking for ways to talk 'to myself' and i had a requirement that it needed to have an option to reply like a friend in a chat could #like just messaging myself wasn't good enough #looking back it's so... like.. this makes a LOT of sense #THE WAY THAT FILLING OUT PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSESSMENTS FEELS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING INTOLERABLE #like i can do a basic one because. we have learned. but it's torturous overall #some of our past experiences with 'synchronicity' taking on a whole new meaning ..#definitely there's still god and magic involved though #in some but not all instances of synchronicity

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esoteric-chaos · 3 months

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Safety in Witchcraft

What’s not talked about enough in the spiritual community is mundane safety along with spiritual. Critical thinking is vital. I wanted to share a lot of my personal rules for myself that I have adapted into my craft.

Fire safety, never leave an open flame unattended. Ever. Always burn in an open enough area with a fire safe dish or on ceramic tile away from animals and children. If you leave the room extinguish the flame. Do not sleep with fire going. I know we want to keep that spell going even during a nap but sometimes we don’t wake up in time for danger. This is absolutely vital to keep you safe. It won’t ruin a spell I promise or anger anything. Please do not add those herbs to that candle. I know it’s nice and pretty but that is a fire hazard. Stay safe.

On that note always have an open window or a well ventilated area when burning items. That goes for herbs, incense, or candle. Smoke inhalation can ruin your lungs.

Rodents, reptiles, birds, any animal is sensitive to scents and have small respiratory systems. Be careful using anything around them. Research what can be used around them. I mean research! Cross reference. Use veterinarian hospital guides, not pro essential oil blogs. Please don’t put any essential oils on your pets. They can be seriously harmed.

Moon water actually molds, very easily. So can herbal blends if not stored correctly. Check frequently and use before end of date. Distilled water is your friend to prolongs shelf-life along is storing in a cold dark place.

Witchcraft and magic is not a replacement for medical treatment and medically prescribed medication. It absolutely can aid your treatment but it is never a replacement.

Do not ingest any herbal remedies without consultation with your doctor and/or Herbalist. Especially if you have pre-existing conditions and need to take medications for it. Things can conflict and are deadly.

Also forage responsibly. Unless you are 100% certain what you have foraged is the correct plant. Don’t even chance it. It’s not worth sickness or in worst cases death.

Do NOT ingest essential oils. I don’t care what you have heard from pro essential oil pages. The distillery methods are not safe for ingestion. It can tear up your stomach lining and throat. Cause extreme nausea and vomiting. Seizures and in worst cases death.

Some covens and practitioners are not your friends. Be cautious and use stranger danger. Be cautious and never give out all of your personal information online. There are predatory people everywhere, including in this community. Please be safe. Always use your gut instinct.

Please feel free in the comments and tags to add important safety pointers you have.

#witchcraft #witch #witchblr #tw death #paganism #essential oils #herbalism #witchcraft safety tips

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trials-of-a-spirit-worker · 10 months

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Spirit Work Basics

You voted, I listened. I meant it. So buckle up as we go through the basics of Spirit Work.

I've touched on this on other posts but I'll make a massive post here. This is not going to explain everything and will still be pretty broad. Cause I do not have the time, the knowledge, nor patience to try and explain EVERYTHING.

But I do hope it helps.

Look under the tags advice, spirit communication, spirit work for more detail.

So hello, I'm Sol. I've been working with spirits since I realized I was speaking with them. I had the gift since I was a young child, first spirit I saw being my grandfather on my father's side shortly after he passed away. He was a pastor, supposedly, I was doing the best I could to repeat his favorite verses despite me being a small little shit. I don't remember the verses, I do remember speaking to him a lot however.

Which is where we'll begin, how to speak to spirits.

Maybe she's born with it? Maybe it's insanity~♪

Well, how do we begin with speaking with spirits? There's a number of ways, actually. Some do have the natural ability, like myself but that shouldn't discourage people who are newly trying and don't have that natural affinity for it. Spirits can and will talk to anyone if you open yourself up. Just takes a bit of work. But Sol, you may ask, how do I do that?

If you've been on witchblr for a bit you know what I'm about to say next: Yup.

Meditate.

Now listen, meditation is a way to open yourself up to the spirits around you or just at least signal "hey, I'm open to talk to." It gives you a good sense of your own energy and the energy around you. Meditation doesn't have one look either. A lot of people can't just sit still and kept their legs crossed or be on their knees with their eyes closed (I see you ADHD/ADD people). Hell, my lazy ass will meditate lying down.

Literally the definition of Meditation: to engage in mental exercise (such as concentration on one's breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness. transitive verb. : to focus one's thoughts on : reflect on or ponder over. (merriam webster)

It's pretty broad, right? Hell, you can even work out and meditate. I do it all the time. Cause I focus on my breathing and the feeling of energy through my body. Basically you can get creative with it.

While you're meditating, make sure you're feeling your own energy. This can come in a number of ways; waves, your heartbeat, a feeling of something cloaking you etc. While you have that feeling down, envision an opening, whether its a door, or just acknowledging you're reaching out to the other side. Whether or not you get an answer back, you are putting yourself out there and that's half the battle done. Just be sure to know how to close yourself and ward your body. Spirit work and opening yourself like that is no joke and I'd like you to be safe.

To do that, just envision whatever you had opened closed or recede back or whatever you used that worked for you.

Signs to Look for

Some of the more common tells of a spirit hearing and trying to communicate are of the following:

Small echos/voices in the back of your head

Random thoughts that may not be your own

Knocks or things shuffling

Strange dreams

Small phantom touches

Feelings of being watched

And Many More!

"But Sol," some of you might say, "that's really fucking vague and could just be explained away."

Yeah...welcome to spirit work. You thought this shit was easy?!

You have to work on your discernment. It is a skill needed for this type of work.

Seems counterproductive, but it's not! See, if every bump and noise was reported as ghosts or spirits, well...we'd be even less believed than we already are. When doing spirit work, or ghost hunting, you are stuck with the burden of proof and it's a huge burden to have. This is why people ask for repeats of actions, to speak again in recorders and other things. We're asking for repetition, because science is prevalent, especially in spiritualism and occultism. We have to be our own skeptics so when we have something that can't be explained away, we truly have something to celebrate.

Tools on the Job

No one said you had to do this all on vibes. No shame in using tools. I'll more than likely take the time to make specific posts about each tool in the future cause this post is already really long but I'll give you a nice rundown of basic tools.

By the way anyone who tries to shame you for using tools or says "only trainee or baby witches use this or that" are tools themselves (not the good or useful kind) and should not be given the time of day. Tools are fine. Use them for help if you need it because that's what the fuck a tool is for.

Now these aren't all the tools you can use but I'll give you some well known ones. I've seen witches get real creative and it's honestly super cool watching them use strange things that you'd never think about as a witchcraft tool. But that's what makes it so fun.

Tarot cards

Tarot is something I often use. 78 cards all with different meanings. There's many many ways to interpret them and multiple themes that many of them have.

My best advice for these are to just look up the overall meanings both upright and reversed just to have a general consensus of each card. Play around with them a lot, and interpret them the way you would as if you were making a story with them. You can also use them for spirit communication.

Calling forth a spirit allowing them to touch the deck (just leave it for a moment and allow them to influence the deck as it were before doing the spread). Holds a lot of power in your hands but is a little slow.

Pendulum

A pendulum is usually a crystal tied to a string or a chain that can be swung over a board of either yes or no or maybe for its options. Sometimes there is a mock ouija for the pendulum to spell out things as well.

Cool thing about a pendulum is it can be anything that swings if you wish. Some people I've seen take off their necklace and use it as a pendulum just fine. Just have a singular point and you can get to work anywhere with it. Please make sure to ward yourself from invading or malevolent spirits when you do this though.

Lots of pendulum or spirit boards exist and have different templates as well.

This is more of a call and response type of device to use. Especially when you feel a spirit present Still has a fair bit of control in your hands.

Ouija board

The infamous kids game works around the same way a pendulum does, except there is a planchette that slides over the board. This is a call and response based tool much like a pendulum. However, it is a little easier for the ghost to manipulate and control. Which is where all the stupid stories of ghosts completely taking over and fucking up shit takes place. Also, half of the biggest problems are just humans being humans which means victims of groupthink. So... stupidity. Someone freaked so you all freak...the energy gets bad and shit happens. Do your best to remain calm and just work through it.

Also no. ZOZO XOX 2O2O etc does not want your ass. Many spirits claim that shit to get a rise out of you anyway. Guys...no, I swear it does not happen. This is main character energy that none of us have...or want! Even if a demonic entity came in to fuck with you, there are plenty of other ways to do it. Be fucking for real.

Please remain kind and courteous to who you contact. Do not let your paranoia about this tool make you do stupid things. Always say goodbye when you are finished. Try and stay as calm as you can.

Never. Ever leave the planchette on the board unattended. Lest you get an unwanted guest or one that'll overstay their welcome.

Crystal Ball

Crystal Balls are a good way to detect energies. This is normally used in a private setting cause it desires a lot of concentration. Now, I'm admittedly not that knowledgeable in this because I don't use my crystal ball often.

Also, your crystal ball doesn't have to be clear. Mine is obsidian and I love her.

When having your question, focus on it and concentrate. Make sure it is open ended. I mean you can have yes or no, but it's gonna be a bitch to decipher a yes or no answer.

Close your eyes and let the answers come to you in the forms of images and colors and such, examine all you can as just let your intuition work.

Sounds simple but its a rather interesting art form to work on. Symbols and such can confuse you and it's heavy on your interpretation. I'm sure there's books and stuff out there for a general view of this symbol you see might mean this or that but...largely, this is a true test of how you read your intuition.

I'd do it more, if I wasn't closeted and lived with nosy closed-minded people.

C'est la vie.

One important thing though...don't leave your ball uncovered. Especially if it's clear. That's how you end up with burned shit. Those bitches are like mega magnifying glasses. And it happens faster than you think. Science is scary.

Mirror/Water Scrying

Mirror and water scrying is kind of the same as a crystal ball except it's a quicker and often less expensive way to work on your divination.

Some people have a specific mirror that they black out and scry that way. Others have a scrying bowl made for divination alone. It's just as good. You can use any bowl or mirror however. Just be sure to cleanse the area before you start and after you're done.

Some thank the water used for divination before putting it down the sink or in the earth. But that's more of an individual's choice/belief/faith than anything else.

Lots of occultism and spiritualism has a thing with mirrors being portals, openings, etc to the otherside and can bring some unwanted visitors.

And as someone who now sleeps with their mirror facing the wall now, I will say I believe a lot of what people say on that.

I want a goodnights sleep damnit.

Just be sure to cleanse your tools after use. Better safe than sorry.

ETC.

There's a lot of creative ways people can use these tools and magic. So don't think of magic as a recipe for how to be a witch or do witchcraft. That's half the fun of witchcraft.

Discovery.

Finding ways to do things, to hear, to see, to communicate. Yes there are certain tools that work better than others but, we as individual people also work in different ways.

There's a psychic out there who reads asparagus like bones. There's someone who will scry with a puddle on the ground they found. People have their own methods and ways to work their magic and we should learn from them. So if you have some non normal tactic or even something unsual, embrace it to the fullest.

I divine with music. If you ask me it's Apollo's influence. My spirits communicate with music.

When I meet people and get a good vibe on them a song comes to mind, and even if I forget your face, your voice, who you are, that song will remind me what I think of you. Songs pop up in my head when people associated with it are close.

I'm not going to say I'm the only one in the world who does this, cause that would be some bs. But its my tactic and its natural.

Do what is natural for you and not what other witches say you should do.

Even me, I beg you not to try and emulate or follow my advice down to a T if it doesn't work for you. Don't force it to work.

I am just one person, one voice spouting some advice. Take what you can from it, take what helps and work your own path. And then in turn do the same. I'm a path offering person not a director. But that's...just...me...

"But Sol, how do I speak to spirits?"

Talk.

Yeah, that simple. Talk.

This can be in a lot of forms. Some write and burn letters to ancestors, or past family members. Set up a placement for talking to them. Admittedly, a lot of spirit work and communication is experimental. We just warn you over some things because they've happened enough for us as a collective to go ah, a pattern.

I have urns at home so it's pretty easy to say hello in that case.

I am NOT telling you to go into a graveyard and just go wussap. No. Some spirits don't want your tomfuckery. Also if they're feeling really chatty all at once you might get overwhelmed and you will not have a good time. Read the dead room.

Open yourself up. WARD YOURSELF FIRST! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS. But yeah open yourself up. Learn how to open your pathways and close them first. That comes with meditating. Yes, this is why damn near all of us nag the shit out of y'all about meditating.

Just talk and listen. It won't happen immediately. It takes time and a careful ear. Remember signs to look for. You might spot them before you hear them. Small instances of shadows out the corner of your eye. A touch from nowhere, a shiver down your spine. Other things going off or being moved, etc. Slowly, someone or something will receive your message and try to respond in kind.

When you get these small responses, just keep calm and say hello or acknowledge what they've done.

"Oh, someone's here"

"Hello there"

"Are you still here?"

It'll be awkward (try to remember where you are, don't be a weirdo in public), but overtime you'll get better at it.

Conclusion!

Like any skill, spirit communication takes practice.

There are a vast plethora of ways to communicate with tools that I haven't mentioned as well, like automatic writing which is a pretty good beginner way to jump in.

Just have a pen/pencil on paper, write what comes to mind. Its a good way to practice hearing and catching signs as well.

And something I will never stop saying is you don't have to take this journey alone! Especially if you don't want to. Find someone experienced to start this journey with. Someone who calms you, who can support you. Support and asking for help is good. Last thing any of us want is for you to get hurt or scared out of doing this if this is something you really want to do. So call us, talk to us. Confide in more experienced people.

So many times on this site and other places, we are begging to form this beautiful network so we can help one another, give advice, hang out etc.

We are right here, just reach out for us. You'll get a hand back in kind.

#witchcraft #witchblr #witches of tumblr #spirit work #witch community #spirit witch #advice #witchcraft basics #witch tips #witchcraft tips #witchcraft for beginners #baby witches

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rosie-writings · 2 months

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You’ve Got my Body, Flesh, and Bone Part One

Summary: You didn’t think you would let it go this far, but alcohol always gives you the bite to challenge Colby until you’re both faced with the things that keep you from being together.

Warnings: Colby x Reader smut, Angst, Slow Burn, Dom/Sub dynamic, Best Friends to Lovers, slight Predator/Prey kink, Overstimulation, Bondage, Overstimulation, slight Subspace

Words: 23.4k

No Y/N Used

Title is from ‘The Summoning’ by Sleep Token

Part Two

Don’t get me wrong, I loved my friends to death and back and then some, but they could be real fucking idiots sometimes.

Most of the time.

Perhaps I simply had a more conservative outlook on the dating culture in LA, or maybe I was traumatized enough where my hopeless romantic naive middle school girl heart turned into an all or nothing brittle young adult woman heart. Nothing was wrong with that, I didn’t think, until I moved to LA to live closer to my new friends.

I met them after my YouTube and Instagram exploded, which I know I said I would never do, but they truly were the most amazing people I met.

My friendship with Sam and Colby didn’t end after they invited me and one of my friends to film a video with them. I knew who they were; we interacted on social media plenty of times but never communicated privately. I also was keen on truly finding out more about the spiritual realm, so when I followed them into that haunted mansion, there was no room for bullshit.

I guess they respected that because not even 24 hours later, Colby was asking for my number.

Maybe I was an idiot and gave it to him.

I genuinely thought it was purely so we could have an easier time than clogged dm’s to collaborate again. And it was. We strictly talked about spirituality and paranormal activity for six months. I always asked about their investigations and he always enthusiastically responded.

I enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it.

The messages developed into something else, something with seemingly less purpose, in the autumn. I remember it being mid October when Colby sent a photo of himself. It looked like any other Snapchat or Instagram story he would post, but then I looked on his social media and realized that this photo was taken just for me.

Which was fine; I didn’t think twice about it. In fact, I felt excited because he trusted me enough to ask about the new merch sample they received. Of course it looked good and there were now flaws to pick out. I picked out a couple to make sure he stayed humble. Of course they were lies.

I learned a month before that they had private socials for their friends only. And, oh. The amount of tomfoolery that went on behind that firewall was better than the latest show I binged. For one, I didn’t realize that Colby saw a different girl basically every night. At least I think they were different girls.

At heart, I’m 100 percent a girl’s girl and I will always see the value in every girl but goddamn; I didn’t realize how easy it was to make yourself look exactly like someone else. I mean, down to the exact shade of brunette hair, body type, and sometimes eye color? It felt like I was the delusional one and tripping out on his new girlfriend. That wasn’t what it was though. A different girl was tagged everytime.

The boys weren’t unfamiliar with posting edgier photos whether it be in the middle of an abandoned place that could crumble and kill them before they thought to react, or it be them posing with minimal clothing or some kind of flirtatious caption in the description. Those weren’t bad things, but they were new to me, and honestly, it kind of melted down the anxiety I built in my head about posting new photos on Instagram. Suddenly it didn’t feel like I had to be perfect and get the perfect shot anymore; a lot of it was shock factor.

Which the boys did exceptionally well.

My friends bulldozed their way through the beginning of 2024. It was entertaining, to say the least, but when I saw photos of their New Year’s party, I was taken back by how minimal they turned out. I came across four photos. A girl kissed Sam at midnight, Colby’s arm was around a girl’s waist, the two of them with probably nine other people in a cute group shot, and the last one was them outside the club the party was at—darkened city streets and palm trees that glistened with New Year’s sparkles and confetti were behind them—and I loved those photos. All of them.

But they weren’t the full picture. Definitely not the full picture.

I vividly remember turning the corner with friends into one of the secluded cut outs of lounge space. My best friend and I tried to find more friends and, well, we found them. Firstly, I would admit that the music was so loud I felt the bass in my bones, so maybe that had something to play. I also was in the double digits of how many combined drinks and shots I had, so there was that as well.

But when we turned the corner, I remember the same girl who kissed Sam at midnight was on his lap kissing him again, only this time she fully grinded on him and he didn’t even raise a hand to stop.

Which, okay, to be fair, whatever I don’t care. What caught me off guard was the complete lack of care from everyone else as well. I’m not sure if I have the confidence to practically have sex in a semi-public space with all my friends around me, but whatever.

What bothered me more, somehow, was the way Colby’s hands wouldn’t leave that girl’s skin—the same one he kissed at midnight—and I didn’t know why. Maybe I did, but it was more of a complete annoyance than anything. Maybe some disapproval as well.

He was with someone different just the night before—it was on his Instagram story—and he hooked up with the same girl multiple times during the trip we all took during Christmas. At least he was with her for an entire week rather than one day.

It wasn’t my business though, so naturally, I didn’t give a fuck nor did I say a word. It was so easy to behave like it didn’t affect me in any way or leave a bad taste in my mouth, because it didn’t.

”Hey!” I instantly broke into a smile when Tara met us halfway from the couches and drinks and friends and confetti and the making out— “Where have you guys been?”

”We had drinks and kind of got lost dancing with people,” I laughed. It was the truth and considering the flush in our cheeks and the more unkempt pieces of hair down our backs, Tara didn’t question it. Her hand linked with mine and she dragged us to the left side of the room; black leather couches lined in a semicircle.

And that was when the night truly began.

It also finished there when one of us passed out; I don’t remember who but I swear it wasn’t me.

My night finished when I emptied my guts on the street outside. I think Tara’s hands were in my hair and Colby’s voice was quiet and close to me. I’m pretty sure the sun was rising when we stepped foot in that Uber.

So that was as far as my friendship with Sam and Colby had gone. They were fantastic at their jobs, cared deeply about their work, and cared even more about the supernatural and what’s beyond, and they partied hard.

It was true. I scanned over the last few messages between us. I didn’t mean to leave Colby on read. Something sprouted in me from that moment. I couldn’t fully comprehend what it was. Maybe it was the abrasiveness of the photo, or maybe it was because I didn’t anticipate Colby ever crossing that imaginary boundary. This photo didn’t just cross it, he shot a hundred yards past and then some.

That look in his eyes—the subtle desperation in his text—something, somewhere, did it for me.

It was completely unsolicited as well. Well, unwarranted at least. Once I saw the photo it was solicited in every way imaginable. I didn’t understand where those intense feelings came from. It was intangible.

My stomach soured inside of me. It had me spiraling. Every look, every touch; Colby hardcore gave himself away. It wasn’t that I couldn’t handle it. It wasn’t that I didn’t want it, no, not even that.

It was the fact that I loved it.

That caught me off guard. That nearly scared me.

It was no secret that a while ago, before we even interacted on social media, Colby drunkenly uncovered some too-personal details on the internet. And of course the internet ran wild with them. It kind of became part of his persona which he bravely embraced—which I admired because if I were in his situation, I would coil up and die—and it surpassed the internet’s perception of him as well.

But the underlying tone of his photo, of his text, completely betrayed that persona I was familiar with.

So I waited.

And waited.

I didn’t mean to leave him on read before the photo, but after he sent it, I left him on read with purpose in order to see what came of it. If he was willing to send that one desperate photo after an accidental ignoring, what would he do if it was deliberate?

It wasn’t very dominant of him to lace his photos and matching words with yearning like that.

I groaned as I rolled over in my chilling duvet. My arms stretched above me and my vision darkened. Damn right it was 6am, and I innocently woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep so I checked my phone. It still lodged in my stretched hand.

It buzzed again.

Unfortunately, he and I both knew that he was right.

I rolled out of bed and my legs tangled in the slick white sheets.

I haphazardly made my way into my en suite and flicked on the light. The eye bags were out to say hello this morning, which checked out. I was nearly 27; why the hell did I allow a grown man to get me out of bed to go outside before my body willed.

”Jesus Christ,” I gasped at his behavior. So, naturally, I snapped a photo of myself in the mirror.

‘Better?’ I typed and hit send with trembling hands. He didn’t respond.

My heart pounded.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have sent that.

If he spits out his own medicine then he shouldn’t have offered it to me.

With shaking hands, I got myself ready as requested.

It hadn’t always been like this even though it felt so.

Our relationship evolved and with every text, it dramatically developed into something more than a professional one. Like a friendship, at the very least, and now here I was finding myself lacing my shoes for this man before seven am to go to some… place.

Eight days ago we came back from a long trip of filming content for their channel.

Five days ago Sam asked us to go pick up shit for this party that was forgotten in transit or something. It was the first time we were alone together, and while the task was simple and mundane, it was fun.

Fun enough for me to say yes to him all the time apparently, because four days ago, Colby asked me to come to a photo shoot for their next merch launch.

Three days ago, Sam, Colby and I went out with Tara, Jake and Johnnie and took photos afterward.

Two days ago we partied hard with the gang again.

And yesterday, well, yesterday I went to Sam and Colby’s house for no reason.

We had breakfast, relaxed for once, and did nothing.

Nothing was so entirely great.

Now when I left my apartment that morning, he was already there waiting for me. We didn’t live close enough to walk, but maybe two exits at most from each other.

“Wow you look so happy to see the sun,” Colby remarked. My squinted eyes glared back at him. I forgot to change my hair from its bed head state in any way. A piece of it dangled in front of my eye bags. He only laughed back at me.

“I’m here. I didn’t say I would be happy about it.”

”Don’t worry, you will be soon.” I didn’t respond because I didn’t want to get too snappy. I knew I was joking, but the lack of caffeine and over abundance of morning light did not fare well in me.

”Here is this,” he said before he even gave me a thick enough pause to reply. I looked over and he pulled an energy drink from behind my chair. It was cold. “Palatable offering, I hope.”

”It is,” I laughed and snapped it open.

For an early morning, it was fairly a quick drive on the freeway to this mystery location.

”We’re flying to Australia soon.”

”Oh really?” I gasped and looked over at him. The sun brightened this side of his face. ”Damn.”

”Yeah, we’ve put it off for so long and it’s finally happening. We’re so excited.”

”I bet. Wait, when are you leaving?”

”Six days.”

”That is really soon.” His eyes widened with a sigh.

”Yeah.”

”What, unprepared?”

”As much as we should be prepared already considering how long we’ve wanted to go, yes. Very much so unprepared. We’ve been running around like crazy trying to get things in order at any time we can.”

”So this morning?” He shook his head. I hadn’t looked away from him for a second as we spoke. He kept his eyes on the road.

”How dare I take a tiny break for myself.”

”Naturally you invite me then?”

”I suppose.” By the quiet tone of his voice, I didn’t push. I didn’t prod or step across a line.

I don’t think I even stepped on it. I ran away from it.

”DId Tara mention that we’re going to New York and staying there until Tana and Brooke get there while on tour?”

”Oh shit, no she didn’t. Wait, she did go on their podcast recently.”

”Yeah. Two weeks ago she did. I went with her and we talked for so long. We literally canceled our next plans and decided that we would catch up again in New York when they got there. I think they have a good five days off or something to stay there a week.”

”Oh sweet, when are you leaving?”

”March second.”

”Oh shit, that’s the day we get back from Australia.”

”Oh really?”

There was silence.

“And when do you get back?”

”The plan is to be back by March 12th but we’ll see if that happens.” For the first time since he gave me the drink, he stole a glance from me.

”You’ll see?”

”Tara was talking about going to uh—God I forgot, a specific place, though, for spring break with some other girls too. I think we may be back to re-pack and then head there.”

”Oh okay, okay.” My stomach swarmed with butterflies. I couldn’t pinpoint why. I was overly excited for our trips; it had been a while since I went anywhere for a break and to spend time with myself and the girls, and myself and the girls only.

We parked.

It was a bit farther than I anticipated, but there were less people and mainly lone hikers who risked more of a challenge in the early morning. I didn’t mind. I was simply here for the ride and grateful that I could keep up with Colby.

”Sam and I came here a while ago because we saw it and were curious. It’s a really nice place for photos and to walk in silence.”

”Oh silence. I love that.”

”Yeah,” he laughed. “I know.”

So we walked in silence.

The hills rolled and seemed to touch the skies in some places. Even in the winter chill, the sun warmed my face and within ten minutes both of our hoodies came off. Dust emitted from the ground but stayed. It was dry as hell and not as windy as usual so we were covered in it.

“This way,” he said and we veered to the left up a steeper route of white rock. Thistles of cacti and various plants I was afraid to touch nipped at our ankles as we calculated our steps on the small jut outs lodged in the hill.

Then, near the top and to the right, Colby reached a eight to twelve foot—I wasn’t quite sure—plateau. It wasn’t a long drop to our ground, per say, but the sun’s light was cut from where I stood. I basked in the shade as Colby climbed up with his long ass nimble legs.

”Here,” he said and his hand reached to mine. I climbed the first few feet of rocks before taking his hand.

Maybe I should not have been as enthusiastic to hold his rough dirty hand if even for a few split moments.

Once on top, there was another few yards of elevation until we reached the peak that I supposed he and Sam found before. They weren’t wrong. This portion of the hill was fairly tall compared to the rest, and while we stood in the dusty rocks of the peak, the other side was a grassy downslope that fell straight towards the valley from which we came. Morning light streaked across the city in pinks and oranges while the tips of buildings and hills on the other side of the city reflected mature midday sun.

Maybe getting out of bed this morning wasn’t all that bad.

“Oh my god, you were right. This is a fantastic place.”

”See?” He replied happily. “And there’s really no one who comes out this far.”

”I know. Maybe we should come back for photos since you left me out the first time.”

”Well when we do come back for photos, you will have been here the same amount we have so it’s like we didn’t leave you out.”

”What are you talking about? You’re here now.”

”Well… It’s fine. We’ll still come back.”

More silence.

I sat down first. Colby sat next to me and leaned back on his hands.

“Right that way,” Colby started as he pointed quite to the right of us; east. “Sam and I filmed this one video. I don’t think we can see the plateau very well from here, but it was the one where this guy in a cloak threw a cross over us and into the valley.”

”Oh shit, wait,” I gasped. “I remember that.”

”Yeah,” he scoffed. “Sometimes I think about all the weird stuff that happens at night only for the morning to feel so peaceful.”

“It’s almost as if your mind plays tricks on you.” He gave me a look.

”Wow, I guess Sam and I and also the camera hallucinated that damn cross.”

”Oh my god,” I laughed. “No but, he threw that thing damn far.”

”I know! It was even crazier in person because it wasn’t light when we picked it up.” I looked back to the valley. The white rocks descended into purples and blues where a few highways entered and exited.

”Do you think he’s the reason you got all scratched up?”

”Oh god, I have no idea.”

”Or do you think whatever it is just stays here?” Colby shrugged but kept his gaze across the sea of hills. I could tell; he tried to identify the property they were on but couldn’t.

”I don’t know. If it does, it sure isn’t in charge of the morning, is it?”

”No.” My voice was quiet.

My heart pounded.

When would it get a rest?

I opened my mouth before I thought about it.

”Why didn’t you bring Sam?” My seriousness was probably enough to tell him that I meant bringing him in this moment instead. He shook his head before he spoke.

”I didn’t—It’s not that I didn’t bring him. I just wanted you to come.”

”Oh. I see.”

“You said yes,” he laughed.

”Maybe I just like doing nothing with you. All we do it work and run around like crazy all the time.”

”That’s true.”

Another pause.

”This weekend was really nice though,” I admitted. He looked at me. I didn’t look back.

”It was, I think.”

”Because yeah we probably got too fucked up on Friday and Saturday nights, but just relaxing and not doing anything with you guys is actually nice.”

”You say that as if you expected it to be awful.” I smiled and shot him a look.

“No I don’t. I just mean that it’s nice to see you—all of you—not stressed until you want to drink yourself to death.” Colby sighed.

”No, you’re right.”

”I know I’m right.”

”Yeah, and humble.”

“Shut up,” I laughed and shoved his arm slightly. It gave out and he caught himself.

When we straightened ourselves and leaned back like we were, his hand accidentally landed close to mine. It didn’t touch me, but I felt the warmth between us.

This silence was still. Brutally, peacefully, still.

My tongue clamped to the roof of my mouth. I heard my heartbeat in my ears. As I tried to find something within the horizon to take interest in, the corner of my eye caught the expression on his face. He too looked forward, eyebrows pressed serious, and lips parted.

I would think he was lost in thought and had been for a while now.

As I looked at him slowly, his finger ever so slightly lifted and came over mine. I don’t think it covered but half of my finger, and I wasn’t sure if he touched it all that much. But it was there and I waited for the weight of it.

”Let’s get up. You haven’t posted on Instagram in, what? Three months? Why should we wait to take pictures later?”

”Bitch,” I gasped and sat forward. He looked at me. His eyes were still thoughtful and dark. But his mouth lifted to a smile. “I look like shit.”

”No you don’t.”

I left it at that.

A handful of photos—for both of our feeds—later, and we coasted down the hill twice as fast as we came up. My ankles were almost too weak to handle it from the photo session. I tensed my entire body to shake the thoughts away. My hands were so slick by the time it was my turn to snap photos of him that I thought I would drop his phone. I held my breath the second his shirt came up and off his body. I only really stared at the screen.

There was something about that moment that seemed too close, too serious, for me to look at him not through a screen.

It wasn’t that I hadn’t seen him half dressed before; it was basically his everyday wear. For some reason though, out by ourselves alone in the valley made it seem ten times more intimate. I’ve been alone with him in his bedroom when he hardly wore clothes, I’ve fallen asleep next to him on flights, in beds, on sofas.

It wasn’t like this. My eyes couldn’t retreat from the areas the sun reflected on his skin.

When we got in the car, suddenly it was stuffy and hot, and we tossed our clothes to the backseat before Colby turned the A/C on high.

”Jesus Christ, it’s February!” He shouted. I laughed and held onto my drink. Of course it was flat and not cold anymore but it was something for my aching throat.

I forced myself to look forward even as his hand subconsciously met the back of my chair when he began to back from the parking space. Even with the over abundance of cameras on this damn car, he still never used them.

“Aw shit,” Colby laughed as he looked at his phone.

”What?”

”Sam asked where the fuck I was.”

”Oh my god—“

”And then just asked to grab food on the way back.”

”Let’s get food then.”

I spent the rest of the day with them.

When I walked into their spare bathroom downstairs, I paused as I turned on the lights.

My hair was a mess, my tan popped against the dark sports bra that caked with dust, and in the reflection were sun dazed eyes. Then I looked to the counter and the room spun.

Half of my make up and products I used to get ready sprawled across the granite counter. I forgot that on Saturday night I got ready here before we went out, and Tara sat in the bathtub eating her dinner and entertained me while I did so. My shampoo, conditioner, and body wash were in the shower. I looked back at myself in the mirror.

My towel hung behind me.

”Come on!”

“I’m hurrying!”

”Let’s go!”

”Fucking trying, bitch!”

”You’re walking!”

The door slammed.

”Impatient animals, Jesus fuck,” Tara sighed. She turned back to me. I backed away from the mirror.

“Wait we look hot let me—“ And Tara grabbed her phone and snapped mirrors selfies with the both of us before we exited the bathroom.

”Just put your shoes on in the car or else Sam will leave us here,” I told Tara. My shoes were also in my hand.

”Right, right,” she grumbled. “Coming.” I stood at the front door and waited for her. I scowled at the raging black clouds in the sky. There was no way we would make it into the studio before the storm began. “Surprisingly my ex-boyfriend would never treat me like this,” she grumbled as she hopped past me. I scoffed a laugh.

”Yeah because he knew he’d get his ass beat.”

”I mean you’re not wrong.”

We hopped in the back seats of Sam’s car, and that was how we started the last night we all had together before over a month of separate travels.

To be fair, we were running over 30 minutes behind to get the photoshoot we should have been ultra prepared for. We planned it nearly six days ago after Sam complained about not being a part of our morning photoshoot in the hills. Tara came along because, obviously.

Bickering was the only way for us to relieve the stress of not getting into the car as soon as we needed.

”If I find another one of these in the car, I’m fucking throwing it away,” Colby spat and chunked whatever tube of makeup into the bag Sam held.

”Excuse me, that was mine—“

”Was,” Colby cut me off with a little too much emphasis.

”I’m pretty sure they stopped making those—“

”God fucking thank you then. Now I don’t have to throw one away everytime I climb back here to get shit.”

”You throw them away?” I cried. Colby glared at me from where he leaned inside the trunk of his car.

“Yeah? They would end up crawling back over here anyway.” I rolled my eyes at the muted pitch of his voice.

We stood at the back of the car for all but ten seconds while we each grabbed different things for the photoshoot and the podcast we were about to film and within those ten seconds, the angry clouds decided it was a good time to rain down on us.

As Colby slammed the back shut, I followed Tara straight for the door to the back of the studio. She already was safe under the patio cover.

The tension in the air wasn’t funny or a joke anymore.

I repeated the expression I saw on Sam’s face in my head when I whirled around and followed Tara. He wasn’t messing around anymore. He didn’t look at me and only stared at Colby waiting for his next command.

Needless to say, it never came.

Colby didn’t say another word until we were on the set.

It had been a few minutes. We caught our breaths while our hair and makeup were freshened. Tara and I gossiped between ourselves to calm down and keep ourselves occupied.

And then it was time for photos.

This morning we woke up late. We went out last night and didn’t set alarms. With two podcasts and a photoshoot scheduled, the day started off high stress. We scrambled to get ourselves to the podcast. We surprisingly were only ten minutes late.

This time, however, we somehow were not as lucky.

Between getting food, driving across the city, and changing, we didn’t get enough time in between the first podcast and the photoshoot. Of course this used up the last of Colby’s patience. He was snappy and unapproachable because it was supposed to work, and now, other people had been waiting for us and the podcast was pushed back as well.

Sam and I were wholeheartedly fine with taking the brunt of it too.

But by the time I walked on set, my own frustration pooled in my stomach. Colby’s eyes still flared angry and spiteful even as I looked at them. He blinked a few times before he looked away.

We posed and were posed by the photographers for such a long time, I was tired of pretending to smile and, honestly, I was simply tired of being perceived in such a vulnerable way. Sure, the other three were more used to it, especially Sam and Colby, but damn. I was fatigued and dizzied with alternating emotions.

Tara and I posed alone together next which was alleviating.

My brain turned off.

Then it was Sam and Colby’s turn alone.

My brain turned on when Sam gestured me over.

I wanted to coil up and rot in my bed. I was tired, Colby stressed me out, Sam was snappy with me, and Tara just wanted to sleep. We were falling apart, but when I came back to them, they were somehow brighter. They talked to and cooperated with the photographer more, and the three of us got shots that I was actually excited about.

What numbed me and gave me a second wind was the feeling of Colby’s hands on my waist, him against my side, and our backs to each other. He grabbed my arm during a pose set up and I swore my skin melted to the bone. I felt it through the rest of the day.

Then, we changed and did it all over again.

An hour later, we were leaving the studio when Colby got the call.

The last podcast was canceled.

No one talked when we piled in the car. It was pure silence, and I looked in the rear view mirror slowly. I watched Colby. He looked down at his phone and texted for a little while until he started music. Then he looked up. His eyes locked on mine.

No one spoke. Neither of us looked away. He didn’t look happy, to say the least.

”What are we going to do?” Sam sighed. The only one brave enough to speak to Colby was him obviously; he was the only one Colby wouldn’t kick out of the car. Probably.

”I don’t know,” he sighed and looked away from me and adjusted how he sat. His head hit the head rest. “I’m fucking tired and done with today.”

”Let’s just go out.”

”Again?” I gasped. The burning in my throat from last night returned.

“It’s Saturday night and I know a group’s about to get dinner before hitting a couple clubs,” Tara said as her eyes still locked on her phone. I looked back at Colby. He was already looking at me. I looked back at Tara.

”I mean, we have to be at the airport at five in the morning.”

”We’ll sleep on the plane.”

”Being hungover on a plane doesn’t seem like a fun way to fly.”

”You’re flying regardless,” Colby intervened. I looked back at him. His eyes were thinner, darker. “Let’s just go.”

”Fine.”

And that’s how we ended up drunker than we ever had.

I was hungover before I finished my umpteenth shot, Tara was on the table, and Sam found the girl he had been talking to. Of course she was a part of our group now; the group Tara texted.

The haze in Colby’s eyes calmed me down. He spoke enthusiastically and smiled more than not. Finally, it felt like we wound down to our regular selves again.

“Come on!”

“I really can’t—“

”Please! It’s our last time here for a while, let’s just have fun!”

”Tara, I can’t even walk straight without running into things. What makes you think I can dance?”

”Everyone’s so close anyway, you don’t have to hold yourself up.” Her arms yanked me out of the sofa before another protest had the time to settle. I was followed.

I didn’t know by who, but I felt the presence behind me as we made our way across the dark club. Finally, Tara led me across the threshold of the dance floor. Then she spun around and didn’t let go of my hand.

Her eyes lifted behind me. An evil smile pulled at her mouth.

”What’s wrong—“

”Nothing,” she cut me off, and pulled me from looking behind me. “Come on.”

She didn’t have to tell me twice. I felt the music reverberating through me like a vessel already. If I was going to be in pain all day tomorrow, I might as well make the most of it tonight.

It didn’t take long, but I felt a hand on my arm, a pressure on my body, and I turned around wildly. A face I couldn’t recognize, and Tara yanked me away, closer to her.

I watched her mouth but I couldn’t hear her words. I nodded and smiled in agreement anyway, and danced with her.

And again, hands found my waist, but this time more pressure in places that I definitely didn’t ask for it to be, so I gasped a breath and whipped myself around, but the hands were off of me before I got the chance to see who it was.

I looked up to Colby who shoved someone—the pressure I supposed—behind him. He looked back to the man who grabbed me. Violently, he spoke and shoved again. I didn’t understand what he said but I agreed. Wholeheartedly.

”Colby,” I gasped as if he could hear me.

With the shaking of his head, he stepped into my personal space.

”How did you know I didn’t want to dance with someone?” He scoffed.

“I don’t care if you wanted to or not, clearly you didn’t ask for that.”

”I could have taken care of it.”

”And? That was gross. I was right there.”

Right, Colby followed us to the dance floor. That’s right. I felt his eyes on me the entire time.

”Why were you watching us?”

”Because you’re drunk as hell and both of you are half the size as the majority of people here.” Why did I like the hostility on his tongue? I almost tasted the alcohol that intoxicated him.

”Yeah, that’s all it is, isn’t it?”

”What else would it be?” There it was. That flirty flick up of his eyebrow. We were the only three paused in the sea of dancing bodies.

”Just—Come on,” Tara grumbled and gripped both of our elbows. “Can’t have any fun with you when Colby’s around, can I?”

”What the fuck does that mean?”

Tara didn’t respond.

She went back to friends, but Colby grabbed me and held me back.

Again, his grip was heaven itself there in that hell hole. I spun back to him. I didn’t miss the way his eyes flickered across my full face before settling on my eyes. Drunken mistakes.

”No, tell me,” he said. Lowly.

”Tell you what?” I scoffed. He rolled his eyes.

”What else would I defend you like that for?” My gaze fell from his eyes, his nose, lips, chest, the floor.

I shook my head.

”I’m drunk as hell.”

”Yeah same,” he sighed. He took a step back. His eyes didn’t leave me though.

”Why do you look at me like that?” He shook his head. Don’t ask the things you don’t want to know about. “Stop looking at—Talk to me,” I demanded.

”You’re so—“ He gritted his teeth and his voice caught in his throat when his hands found my face and held me still. My lips parted fairly widely as shock rose my eyebrows. His eyes looked at me. With intention.

My body caught ablaze, and I didn’t like it. Not this time. This kind of wildfire was destructive; non rebuildable.

”Colby—“

He just looked at me. Even closer. I almost felt the sweetness of his mouth on mine.

”I’m more of an all or nothing kind of girl, Colby, not—not a one and done like you,” I said. My calmest words laced with a poison that furrowed his eyebrows. “I don’t do those smash and dashes like you do, so if that’s what you’re looking for, you can go back to those models you fuck every other day because that’s not the kind of body you’ll find here.”

Hurt spread across his face. His hands slowly fell from me, and for the first time, I wanted to take the words back.

“Really?” He gasped. It cut deeper; his hurt. I didn’t mean it.

Maybe I got it all wrong.

”That—Really? That’s what you have to say to me?”

”Colby,” I spat his name through teeth weakened by grit. “Don’t ruin our new friendship, I was liking it way too much.”

”I’m not ruining anything. You don’t know what I want.”

”Then you’re confusing. Too complicated for me.” I stepped away from him. He took a step towards me. “I don’t appreciate my best friends using me.”

”Good. I don’t either.”

”So what’s this?” I gesture to his hands. “Why do you touch me like that? And why does it look like you could kiss me at any moment?”

”Are you projecting or something? Because my wanting to kiss you doesn’t equate to using you.”

A laugh burst from me.

”So when you kissed all those other girls in front of me even after we texted the way we do and after you fucked them, you didn’t use them?” My head cocked to the side in defiance.

Fire blazed in his eyes.

”You’re ridiculous.”

”I am?” I shouted.

”You don’t know anything.”

”Right,” I scoffed. “Not like you’ve made advancements in helping me know something—Colby.”

He grabbed my face like he did and shoved himself back into my space. This time, I felt his front collide into mine. My hands grabbed his wrists.

I froze.

My lips parted the moment his grazed mine.

He caught me. His eyes lifted to mine with a smirk slowly pulled at his dark lips.

“So you talk your shit but you’d still kiss me back?”

”Fuck you,” I spat. He smiled evilly.

”You’d love to, wouldn’t you?” He molded his words over my bottom lip, and I opened my mouth for more.

“Mm, maybe,” I mumbled. His eyes blew wide when I bit down on his bottom lip. “But I would love it more if you didn’t fuck me over after.”

He shook his head quickly.

”I wouldn’t,” I think he gasped so quietly that only by the breath on my skin could I discern his words.

I retracted my teeth and replaced them with my lips.

That was when one of his hands traveled to my messy pulled back hair and he kissed me with such intensity that I’m sure I fell to the ground. A noise escaped my throat but I didn’t back down. I couldn’t when his hands were firm on my body like he knew it already.

So of course I kissed him back like he was mine.

He always was, wasn’t he? I licked into his mouth first, and I think it caught him off guard because a deep moan pressed against my tongue and his thumb jutted under my chin as if to hold me in place. The taste of our drinks mixed in our mouths, and I breathed him in like I needed the hit.

I think he moaned my name; all this time he took a step and then another step into me as if he aimlessly tried to find a stable surface to pin me but couldn’t. He was too drunk to remember that we were in the middle of a bustling club. I ran into someone. I didn’t care.

I took advantage of his leap of shock and my lips wrapped around his tongue. That was when his eyes opened and he slowly looked down at me in surprise when we ever so slowly retract from each other.

”Holy shit,” I thought I heard, and we must have both heard since we both looked over in the direction of our friends.

Sam stared back at us and Tara’s pouty smirk fired directly at me.

Colby took three big steps away from me. Looked at me.

”Colby,” I said but he left me and walked towards Sam.

Sam and Colby walked towards the back door of the club with a dictionary of words between them. Tara stood in front of me.

”It’s 2:30, we gotta go and get ready for our flight.”

”But—But Colby—“

”I know, but we gotta go. Sam was going to be sick.”

I took her hand as she took mine and her friend dropped us off at my house.

The taste of Colby’s lips was the only thing that kept the vomit in the back of my throat.

That sunrise was not kind.

I vomited while packing. I vomited while in the Uber. And again while waiting at the terminal.

At least we got through TSA without a vomit session.

I wanted those hands on me again. To numb the pain. I typically didn’t hurt this bad with a hangover.

I plopped in my seat and Tara already cuddled up into me with her neck pillow and blanket. I checked my phone.

New message from my best friend, but that was it.

I couldn't blame them—to be fair—it was still the night for them, and if Sam had to be sick while at the club, I knew he would be drunk until the late morning and hungover by sundown. Colby on the other hand was drunk, but I couldn’t tell if he was drunk enough to be hungover. I couldn’t read him at all tonight—last night. I understood his mouth perfectly well though, and unfortunately I wanted to communicate more.

Or fortunately? I couldn’t decide quite yet.

I fell asleep before we took off.

When I woke up, the sun blared into the cabin like a lightning rod. I moaned and squinted my eyes, and stretched in my sleep.

”Oh good, you’re up,” Tara said. I looked over at her. Her AirPods were in, a roller was in her hair, and she watched Netflix on her laptop as she filed her nails. “I was getting bored.”

”Jesus Christ, Tara. I’m going to be sick.”

”Ha! No you’re not. Take this.” She handed me a pill and what looked to be an antibacterial wipe. “I don’t give a fuck if you gotta stick that wipe up your nose; you won’t be vomiting on this plane. That’s so embarrassing.”

”Tara,” I moaned and sat up more. The nausea sickened me. I dry swallowed the pill. The alcohol from the wipe did, in fact, aid my hangover bile. ”What time is it?”

”Ten. We’ve been on the flight for like four hours.” I sighed and sat upright in my seat with my eyes clamped shut. My thoughts battled to ward off the nausea. “So, Sam and I walked in on you making out with Colby last night.”

”Oh my god, don’t remind me.”

“What the fuck was that about, huh?”

”God, I have no idea”

”And you didn’t even do anything after as well.” I shot her a glare.

“The fuck you mean ‘do anything?’ Obviously we weren’t going to fuck if that’s what you’re saying.” I rolled my head away from her and leaned it on my hand. It needed physical support too not just emotional.

“What are you talking about?” She laughed. “The tension has been making me sick. I thought you guys were finally going to get it over with.”

That annihilated my ability to ward off nausea.

”I’m going to throw up.”

”Fucking don’t, bitch,” she threatened me with her nail file. “We have to get our nails done in New York because I feel like a dirty girl when we’re going to nice clubs or whatever.”

”We can get them done.” The thought of a nail salon scent quenched the nausea.

”Anyway, about Colby—“

”I do not want to hear that name right now.”

Tara looked at me with concern. A frightening silent concern. The concern was only heavily serious when Tara was quiet.

”He didn’t look happy after he kissed you. What happened?” And how could I lie to that hushed worrisome voice.

”I told him that—oh god what did I say?” I tried to remember as I rubbed my eyes. Thank god Tara convinced me to take off—and also partially helped me—take off my makeup last night. “I said something like I’m not into hooking up like he is—Oh, I’m not a one and done kind of girl. I told him I wanted all of him or nothing.”

”Shit,” Tara gasped. “That’s kind of a lot, isn’t it?”

”I mean he tried to kiss me, Tara! Before we even talked about it.”

”Okay? What’s the problem with that?”

”I really enjoyed our friendship,” I sighed. “I don’t want it bursting into flames. Hanging out with them and working with them is amazing, and once it does inevitably fuck up after we actually date, then I can’t lose them.”

”I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but you could still be friends with them.” I sighed heavily. Tara’s eyes still examined me.

”There’s no way I could feel for Colby the way you do for Jake right now.”

”How come?” I opened my mouth to speak but no words found me. “You—You’re really serious about Colby, aren’t you?”

”Yes, but-but not to say you weren’t serious about—“

”No, I know,” Tara quickly said. “I get it. We’re a lot less unserious after our relationship. We just tried it and it was fun be we aren’t meant to be together romantically.”

”That’s the thing, Tara,” I grumbled and finally looked at her. “How do you not get attached? I’m already scarily attached to him. Fuck; I hate him for it too.” She lips curled in a smirk. “Stop fucking looking at me like that.”

”You are so down bad for that man it’s hilarious.”

”What would be hilarious is if you shut the fuck up.”

”Just admit that you love him so much that you would rather never see him again than not be romantic with him.”

”You’re literally putting words in—Do you not hear the words coming out of my mouth?” Tara rolled her eyes at me and I sighed. I settled in my chair.

“I know. I get it, I do.”

”I just don’t know what I’m going to do, Tara. I already fucked up a lot between us whether we pursue each other or not.”

”How come?”

“I basically called him a slut too.”

”You-You what?” She gasped. She choked back a laugh before it burst out of her. “That is the most diabolical thing—“

”I know it was so wrong of me, but I was drunk and terrified.”

”I know.”

”Tara!” I gasped. “He fucks everything that breathes!” The anger stung my gritted teeth and she parted her lips with surprise. “Do you not fucking see it?” I shout in a whisper. “He has a new fucking partner every damn week which-which whatever, that’s fine, but then he texts me the way he does and it’s like he wants to get in my pants too, just for the sake of it!”

”Whoa, how do you text? Give me your phone.”

”No way.”

”You sent him nudes?”

”What? No!” My blush flared hot. She rolled her eyes.

”I’ve known Colby for so long, it’s nothing I haven’t seen.”

”We haven’t fucking—Wait what the fuck does that mean?”

”Jesus Christ, no need to get wound up. I haven’t fucked him; remember Jake used to live with them. I stayed there weeks at a time.” I nodded and handed her my phone. We really didn’t have anything important to hide.

As she read the texts, my heart quickened. Her silence scared me.

”Oh my god,” she gasped. “The damn tension is even worse in text.”

”Give It back,” I spat and stole it from her. “What tension? We’re just friends.”

”Pf, yeah; friends that are able to make any conversation dirty talk. Now stop being a pussy and-and suck his dick or something.“

”Tara!” I cried. I shoved my phone back in my bag. “There’s no way—No! I-I can’t do that.”

”Oh right, you’re so in love with him you want to have sex with him and let him kiss you all gentle—“ Her silly baby voice physically ignited the fiery anger inside of me.

”Seriously,” I spat and held my hand up. “It’s not like that.”

”Oh,” she gasped. “Right, it’s Colby I forgot. He might not like gentle sex.”

”Nor relationships, so let’s stop speaking about something I can’t have.” Tara looked at me as seconds ticked by.

”You do really like him.” I nodded slowly. “If you liked him enough, then what could come of it would be worth risking ever speaking to him the same way again.”

I stared at her wide eyed.

Where did that wisdom come from?

”Potentially.”

“Then talk to him like an adult. And don’t do it when you’re drunk; you disrespect him like that again and he’ll cut you off without you even getting about to suck his—“

”If you’re so obsessed with his dick, why don’t you suck it yourself?” I spat.

”Damn, alright. He’s yours.”

”He’s not mine,” I spat. “If last night was anything to go by.”

”No no,” Tara exasperated. “You literally have it all wrong. He looked so-so enthralled by you, that you’re already his. That’s why it pissed him off so much.”

”He wouldn’t be pissed off if he talked to me like an adult and didn’t fuck other women.”

”Talk to him.”

”You’re acting like you know something.”

”Obviously neither of them talk to me and I supposed neither of them talk to Johnnie or Jake because those two boneheads are clueless as always.” I smiled. “Talk to him. Both of you attitudes are starting to piss me off. I just want to have fun with my best friends without stepping on eggshells.” She sipped her drink.

”I fucking need one of those.”

”It’s a mimosa.”

”I know.”

”You literally were about to throw up.” I rolled my eyes and kicked back in my seat.

”I need to be drunk again.”

“Ma’am, yes ma’am,” she sighed as she eyed down a flight attendant. “Oh, you’re fucking hot by the way.”

”Exuse me?” I choked on nothing.

”Your tattoos are great, and I can’t believe you sent him and underwear pic.” My face burned.

”That was on accident. I was delusional and got out of bed before I was awake at 6am.”

”Yeah, uh-hu. Keep telling yourself that.” And Tara caught the attendant as she passed us.

Between us and the hangovers, it was easy sailing until touchdown.

When we stepped into the airport, my phone rang off the hook with late messages. Of which, Colby was missed. My stomach did that familiar flip at the sight of his name in my messages.

I stared at my phone wide eyed and breathless, and it must have taken me far too long to get going, because Tara peered over my shoulder.

”Damn, see I told you. He set the stage for you, now speak like an adult.” I looked at her sunglasses covered face. I judged her for looking like a freak wearing Jake’s inappropriately too large hoodie with the hood over the roller in her hair as she wore sunglasses on her face that were big enough to cover a horse’s eyes.

Not like I could judge; I might have been wearing Sam’s hoodie and Colby’s sweatpants with my own sunglasses covering my hangover but that’s neither here nor there.

“Let’s go,” I told her and we bulldozed our way through the airport and towards whichever fancy hotel Tara picked the month prior.

And the hotel was very nice.

It was large enough for an entire group to crash in after a night out. The window showed the evening city as night fell, and I wanted nothing more than to curl up in the bed that could easily hold four people. I stared out the window for sometime as Tara got settled in. I could have been thinking about our plans for the morning, where we were going to get—most likely—brunch and where we would go thrifting after, but there I stood in the nicest hotel room in New York City I’ve ever been in thinking about Colby.

I thought to text him now.

I will.

Maybe.

My eyes fell heavy, and it took effort to pull myself from the window.

“Thinking about room service. Forgot to get food before.”

”I know, I was just dreaming about this bed,” I moaned as I collapsed into it.

I fell asleep before Tara got off call with room service.

I woke up when the food came.

”Get up or else I’m eating all this pizza.” I slugged over to sit hip to hip with her as the food sprawled ahead of us.

“I’m beat.”

”And once we eat, we can sleep so long and happy once our bellies are full.” She logged into her Netflix on the TV as I scrolled on my phone.

“Okay can we eat now, like damn.”

”Sorry,” I laughed as I read the last word he sent, and my phone was tossed to the bedding.

“How much will you text him? This is supposed to be our chilled out work week; emphasis on boyless work week.”

”Yeah I know, I was going to call him after we eat so we can talk about whatever the fuck happened last night.”

”Okay,” she said as she took a bite.

“Then we will be boyless.”

”Good.”

And she was right. My eyes rolled back even more so as the pizza settled in our systems. She got ready for bed as I slid out onto the balcony to talk to Colby. The chilly air was certainly more than enough to prevent me from falling asleep.

”Hi.”

”Hi,” he said back. “How are you feeling?”

”I’m good, better,” I sighed. “It was kind of the worst flight of my life though.”

”That’s what I was worried about. Good thing you made it through.”

”Yeah, hardly though. Tara threatened me and stuffed alcohol wipes in my nose every time I moved.”

”Oh my god,” he laughed. “I felt really bad last night. You were so sick and then Sam was sick—god, he still is—and I was just like, ‘shit, maybe this was a bad idea’ especially after—everything.”

”Yeah, I know. But-But it’s fine; it was fine. I had a good night. Just won’t do it before a five am flight ever again.”

Silence.

”I wanted to talk about last night though, like what happened between us.”

”I know,” I sighed and released the energy. “First I wanted to say sorry for what I said to you; I didn’t mean it and it was really disrespectful. I was so drunk and should have closed my mouth especially since that’s your business anyway. I feel really bad and didn’t mean it.”

”I-I know,” he said not too convincingly. “It—I mean, I get where you’re coming from and alcohol amplified everything.” My eyebrow twinged with question.

”What do you mean ‘where I’m coming from?’”

”I mean—“ He took his time and I bit through the first layer of skin on my lip. “I-I guess it’s no secret I’m not with anyone and don’t—didn’t have any plan to be. I—oh my god—I was going to say I wanted to just have fun, but I’m such a mess it isn’t fun anymore.”

”Why are you such a mess?” My voice was low as if it knew the answer.

”I guess I’m not wanting to be alone but I’m also just not-not wanting to commit or anything.”

”Oh.” I didn’t mean to be so short, and he took a breath to say something quick but I interjected. “Why did you kiss me then? You heard what I said and I did—and still do—mean it. So why did you kiss me like-like you meant it or something?”

”I’m just as confused as you are about it.” I didn’t appreciate the frustration in his tone.

”Oh yeah? What’s so confusing about it, then? I’m not confused.”

“What?” He gasped. I could tell I picked and picked at the seams until he couldn’t keep it back anymore. “You told me I was confusing to you last night. I’m confused as well.”

”I’m not confused about the situation but I’m confused about the damn choices you’re making.”

”Oh yeah? And what choices are those?”

”How every time you look at me I’m trying to decipher whether you want to kiss me but then you don’t and go kiss another girl like usual. I’m not into this whole—this whole yearning thing. I don’t do situationships or adjacent dysfunction, okay? So if you want to kiss me like you did last night, then I’m the only one you’re kissing and that’s what I’m not confused about.”

”You think I don’t want to kiss you like that?” He gasped. My throat clamped together. “If last night was anything to go by, you’d know that I’ve only ever wanted to kiss you like that. But it’s so much more real.”

”How is it so real?” I scoffed. The bitterness flowed from me, and I didn’t hold it back. How could I? There was so much unknowingly built in my chest and it needed to be relieved. “If it were real, you would kiss me. You wouldn’t fuck any other thing that breathes; you would come to me.”

”Jesus fucking—I don’t fuck anyone! Why do you keep saying that?”

Speechless choked me.

”You-You what?”

”I’ve slept with two people all through last year and no one this year, alright? Just because I might have fun or take photos with people doesn’t mean shit. I’ve only slept with—“

”You don’t have to tell me. I’m-I’m not—I trust you.” I didn’t like the way my voice shook, but I sat still in disbelief. Those nasty things I told him—

“Please,” he sighed. “I’m not—I don’t like to fuck around like that. I mean yeah maybe I do, but not like that. Not the amount you think I have. Do you really think so poorly of me?”

”I don’t-I don’t think poorly of anyone who does that, Colby. Especially not you. The thing that ticked me off was how you treated me. I could only think of those girls; did they know that you talked to me like that? Did they like to hook up meaninglessly like that? I didn’t want to be responsible for any messy situation that came of it.”

”And you wouldn’t have,” he said all too sweetly. “It’s my responsibility and I wouldn’t throw you under the bus like that. I mean; if there even were a bus. Every time I would ‘take someone home’ they would just leave in their own Uber and I’d go back with Sam. Or if I went to their house, honestly I would just crash at Jake and Johnnie’s for the night so that Sam could have the house for the night.” I never thought about those things. Unfairly too; I always believed the worst.

I took a lengthy pause. I was still upset. Unsatisfied. So I yanked harder.

”Then why do you loop me into all of this? Why play with me and kiss me just to go back to how we were?”

”Who said I would ever do it?”

”I don’t know!” I burst out. “Maybe it’s because I saw with my own eyes the amount of girls you were with and didn’t know the details. It’s like you wanted me but kept me on edge for fun.”

”That’s not-That’s definitely not what happened or what I was thinking at all.”

”Then what is, Colby? What the fuck are you thinking about me then, because I’m getting fed up and—“

”I’m thinking that if I just got my shit together and-and got over things I was scared of, I could have you and talk to you about how I feel about you.”

”Which is how?”

”God fucking damnit, you’re really making me spell it out, hm?” I shrugged.

”Obviously. I’m not here to fuck around anymore. I like having fun with my friends and I do not like being used and thrown away. I have more self respect than to be fucked over again and again.”

”I wouldn’t do that.”

”And you’ve given me no reason that you wouldn’t or proof that you would do any better.” The phone etched into my palms from the amount of force I used to hold it.

”God fucking—“ He paused and I heard a breath. “You’re so fucking difficult.”

”I’m difficult? You’re putting my through the ringer because you can’t communicate.”

”I can’t communicate? When did you ever tell me that you didn’t like it when I was with other girls?”

”I don’t know maybe because it’s not my fucking place? Jesus Christ, you think I have the audacity to nose my way into your business?”

”Well you’ve fucking nosed your way into every other area of my life.” I dragged in a deep breath.

I saw red. I finally understood what it felt like when people said that.

”Oh yeah? And whose fault is that exactly?”

”It sure as hell isn’t mine.”

”I swear to god! Ugh! You’re so fucking annoying!”

”I’m annoying?” His voice finally raised. “You’re the one who flirts with me and I get the message that you want something but then you tell me ‘oh, no my expectations are so much higher than what you could reach’ and then get mad when I can’t reach them?”

“You haven’t fucking tried!” I finally yelled. “And you’re projecting! I have never given you my expectations for a relationship and yet you still think you can’t reach them, what am I just some selfish bitch to you or something? You haven’t asked or talked to me about anything serious at all! The only thing you know about my personal needs in a relationship is that I’d like for it to be exclusive and serious. I didn’t realize that was just so fucking hard for anyone to give me.”

”Becase you’re looking in the fucking wrong direction!”

I paused for a moment. I licked my dry lips.

”Oh so then you think the problem is you? Because I know having standards—and low ones, might I add—isn’t typically an issue for people.”

”You are—oh my fucking god.” I heard the way his voice grew quieter as he pulled the phone from his ear in frustration. “Maybe—listen to me—Maybe I think you’re looking in the wrong direction because you need someone who can fit your expectations. Not because you’re too much but because I care about you enough to make sure you’re taken care of and not at risk for it blowing up in your face since clearly that’s all I’m good at.”

”Colby,” I gasped.

This was never about my behavior. This wasn’t even about our lack of communication, then.

“When did I ever say I didn’t want you.”

”What?” He spat. “I never said—“

”No, but clearly you think you’re not good enough for me. You don’t know what I want outside of a stable relationship, and that I know you can give me if you try.”

”How do you know that?” His spite was thicker than the words he said.

”I mean-I mean I don’t but you’re smart and clearly you fucking care enough so I supposed you’d figure it out.”

”But that puts you at risk.”

”Fuck!” I yelled. “For as often as you put your physical body at risk with Sam you certainly are against it emotionally. Maybe I know that it’s a risk liking you as much as I do, but maybe it’s one I’m willing to take.”

”But you want—“

”Fucking hell, Colby. I just wanted you!” God it felt so good to say. “I just wanted you without having to worry that one day I wouldn’t be able to see you again because-because if it does blow up, I’m not sure I’ll be able to be friends with you after. That’s how much I care about you and need you.”

He was silent and my own anxiety took the wheel again.

”I-I really liked our friendship and don’t take that lightly; I hope you feel the same way about it—“

”I really do,” he reassured me.

”Then that’s why I didn’t want to be the one to start something more with you. I didn’t want it to blow up—“

”Oh so you wanted me to start it so that whenever it does inevitably blow up, you can blame me?”

”That’s not what I fucking said now, is it Colby? I said—“

”No.” It was so incredibly final that it took center in my stomach like a knife. “I’m not—We’re not doing this.”

”So then that’s it?”

”How much more do you want to lose?” It hit me. He wouldn't be able to go back after that kiss.

”If you think we’ve already lost something, then how bad could it be?”

”I can’t fucking do this right now.”

”Oh come on,” I laughed. “That’s so—That’s such a tap out.”

”No, I’m serious. You’re literally asking me to solidify a relationship with you so that when we break up, it can be my fault.”

”That is not what I’m asking you to do. Like, at all.”

”Yeah? Then what is?”

”I’m asking you to stop being so fucking scared of everything.”

Silence.

”I want you to stop trying to control everything around you all the time. You can’t control how I feel. Stop blaming yourself for things you haven’t even done! I’d never blame you if things didn’t work out between us. But I am blaming you if you keep yourself from me just because you’re scared.”

“I’ve never been so scared of anyone like I’m scared of you.”

”Colby—“

”The way you make me feel is too much. I can’t-I can’t fuck us up. I’d rather you at a safe distance for forever than nowhere near me at all.”

”And if it all blows up, what are we going to do?”

”I can't think about that—“

”No, tell me.”

”I swear,” he laughed.

”Colby, tell me now.”

”I—We’re going to stop speaking. I know that much. I won’t be okay for a long time—“

”What if it all blows up but we just stay together anyway?” He was quiet again as if it was the most confusing thing in the world.

”What-What are you talking about?”

”Things go wrong in relationships all the time. That's why only the people who choose to stay together and work on themselves for the other person last more than 20 years. I don’t understand why a disagreement or argument can derail an entire companionship if they actually care deeply about each other.”

The way he said my name made me forget all the other times my name had been said.

”It’s that much?”

”What?” I asked.

”You actually want me that much?”

”I could.” It was the truth. I did want him—badly—and with time, maybe he could be the only one I would want.

”I think I could let myself want you that much too.”

”Colby, stop saying you’ll ‘let’ yourself. Not everything has to be controlled; literally chill out and let things happen.”

”Okay, okay,” he sighed. I, too, was tired of arguing, and with that sweet tone on his tongue, I wished to sleep cuddled into his side. What a way to begin a month apart from each other. “I trust you.”

”Good. I trust you too.”

It felt like the end of the conversation. I didn’t know where it left us, but we were farther than where we started.

I also trusted the fact that we had much time to think about things before we saw each other again.

”By the way,” he said with that goofy tone that I knew meant something outrageous was brewing in that head. “‘Smash and dash was so fucking funny. If you didn’t literally break my heart in that sentence, I would have cried laughing.”

”Oh my god, shut the fuck up. I have no idea where that came from—“

”It was so good.”

The night was brutal. It took me a second to register the fact that I shivered like my life depended on it.

“Colby,” I mumbled. “I care about you a lot, and maybe that’s why I’m so-so protective, or something, of what—or of how I feel. I didn’t want to stress you into something you didn’t want, and I didn’t—I don’t know—I don’t want to see you scared or in pain.”

“I know, I know. I care about you as well which is why I tried to get rid of my confusion and frustration in some way because I didn’t want to hurt you or not be enough for you. It—All of this is a lot, and I’m not ready for it.”

”Maybe we won’t be,” I sighed. My breath piled in front of me. “We can wait.”

”Yeah,” he agreed.

”I’m so sorry but I’m literally—I’m outside because Tara’s in there and it’s so fucking cold so I was going—”

”Oh my god, yeah go inside.”

”Okay.” I stood up. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

”Okay, also, thanks for talking. You can be—god—you’re so fucking pushy and you never back down.”

“And you’re so damn combative it’s hard to not fight with you.”

”No one usually fights me, they leave or, I don’t fucking know, listen to what I say.”

”Ha!” I burst out laughing. “That’s so funny. I only listen to myself. I like you a lot, okay? So I’m going to fight back if you sound like an idiot.”

”And you sound like a spoiled bitch who always gets her way.”

”No,” I dragged out. “I just do this thing called thorough communication, and I never sacrifice the things I value just because some boy wants to fuck me.”

”Whoa,” Colby gasped. “I never expected you to sacrifice anything.” I laughed as my face heated up.

”Oh okay maybe so, but you want to fuck me then?”

“We are not talking about that right now.”

“Oh come on, you could have just said no.”

”And now you sound like the idiot.”

”Whatever, I’m going inside so I don’t have to freeze my ass off anymore.”

”You do that. I’m getting food then sleeping another ten hours.”

”Okay good,” I smiled. “Bye.”

”Bye.”

Even when I curled up in my bed happy and content and warm as I could be, I still shook to my core.

And it wasn’t from the winter air.

I woke up to the sound of an alarm, and Tara sitting up to turn it off.

”Why?” I complained. “Why so early?”

”It’s literally nine am. Let’s get up and get ready.”

”Fine,” I grumbled. I stretched so hard that I nearly missed what she said.

”I was asleep by the time you came in last night, what did you and Colby talk about for so long?”

”Honestly? We just argued the entire time but we’re fine now.”

”What?” She laughed. “What did you fight about?”

”Colby’s personal bullshit. Also, we may or may not date; we aren’t sure.”

”That is literally the most you and Colby thing I’ve ever heard,” Tara laughed as she got up. ”You guys are so exclusively not exclusive.”

”And you are so already breaking your rule for having a boyless trip.” She smiled at me as she pulled her glasses on.

”You’re right. Now get ready; we have bagels to eat and thrift stores to infiltrate.”

The day ended as fast as it came, and when we woke up the next morning, we decided to stay in and have a self care day instead of walking because our legs cramped.

I don’t remember another time my mind emptied of stress and worries about work, scheduling, and recording. Maybe we filmed a few videos, and maybe we vlogged, and maybe we met up with friends for a video, but it was a week of my life that my job melted into a privileged everyday life rather than a literal job.

After Tana and Brooke showed up, it was time for a little less self care to say the least.

He didn't respond.

“You’re breaking the law.” I looked up to Tara who sat on the edge of the bed talking to Brooke. I leaned against the head board and dropped my phone to the sheets.

”What are you talking about?”

“See, I didn’t know if you were or not but you just gave yourself away.”

”What law do we have this week?” Brooke asked.

”No speaking about or texting or calling males this week.” Brooke’s eyes rounded and snapped to mine.

”Who were you texting?”

”N—“

”Colby,” Tara sighed.

”Okay, that’s great. Thank you so much for letting that cat out of the bag.” Then Brooke’s eyes widened.

”Am I not supposed to know?”

”No,” I sighed and scooted closer to them. I stole a gummy worm from the bag in between them. “It’s a situationship I fear.”

”Oh I see,” Brooke laughed as a smirk pulled on her rosy lips.

“And it’s becoming a situation for all of us because you keep texting him.”

”You should be glad we aren’t at each other’s throats anymore.”

”I don’t know if you two being at each other’s throats is as bad as being down them anymore—“

”Oh my god, Tara, no. That’s-That’s too far.”

”Yeah, mhm,” she sighed with raised eyebrows. Tana came from the bathroom. “It’s almost like you were the one who went too far with him first.”

”Who’s him?”

”Colby,” Brooke replied to Tana faster than anyone could think.

”Oh,” Tana said as she looked at me up and down. “Honestly that checks out. Is this new?”

”As of three days ago,” I sighed. My head met my hand as if I massaged a headache.

”It’s actually been a nine month long languished yearning slow burn from both of them but apparently Colby has trust issues and she’s just too cut throat for him.”

”Tara,” I spat. “You are just full of it today aren’t you?��

”Yes, now I understand how everyone else felt when Jake and I first started dating and I’m getting flashbacks so I’m snappy.”

”Clearly.”

”You both are breaking your own law,” Brooke intervened.

”That’s true,” I said to Tara with eyebrows raised.

”What law?”

”No speaking about men on this trip,” Brooke told Tana to which Tana laughed, of course.

”I am a felon.”

✧˖*°࿐

Taglist (Comment to be added):

@a-random-google-user

#colby brock #sam and colby #sam golbach #18+ only #minors dni #colby brock smut #colby brock x reader #rosie writings

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lavenderundmintt · 10 months

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I am so sick of future spouse readings in the Tumblr community here.What about ourselves? What about fantasizing about our life? What about self love? What about spirituality? Seriously most of the readings are about spouses, love and sex. I am not saying these are bad, I read them from time to time too, but it's too much. They are the most requested in polls, every 5 out of 10 reading here on these tags are about spouses.

Tarot is losing it's meaning and just becoming something I can't even name or identify. And I'm NOT here for it!!! As a reader, worshipper of many and an occultist myself I am hating what spirituality is turning into.

And for the young people who read it, ask for it continuously, religiously, please focus on something else too. Y'all are mostly too young, secondly, thinking tarot is just a fun little fortune telling thingie is wrong.

On another note, don't dream about a rich man, be a rich man fellas ;)

And for the readers, who are real readers, please be and stay in balance, do things for the higher good of your audience. (not talking about paid, commissioned stuff, you don't really have a choice on that)

That's all for now, thanks for reading!

#pick a card #pick a pile #pick a picture #free tarot #free tarot reading #tarot

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scrumpster · 2 years

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Jewish Resources (Assorted)

Since my last post seemed to be helpful to a lot of people, I thought I’d make another to share some additional resources. This list includes a bunch of stuff, meant for Jewish people in general. I would definitely encourage you to explore them! There’s a lot of useful stuff here. Goyim are welcome to reblog, just please be respectful if you’re adding tags or comments. Jewish Multiracial Network, an organization for multiracial Jewish families and Jews of Color Sefaria, a free virtual library of Jewish texts Sephardic Studies Digital Library Museum “The SSDC includes key books, archival documents, and audio recordings that illuminate the history, culture, literature, politics, customs, music, and cuisine of Sephardic Jews all expressed in their own language, Ladino.” (from their website) The SMQN, an organization for LGBTQ+ Sephardic and Mizrahi Jews Keshet, a group for LGBTQ+ Jews JQY, a group for LGBTQ+ Jews with a focus on those in Orthodox communities Queer Jews of Color Resource List (note: this list is way more than just resources, there’s a LOT there) JQ International: “JQ celebrates the lives of LGBTQ+ Jews and their allies by transforming Jewish communities and ensuring inclusion through community building, educational programs, and support and wellness services, promoting the healthy integration of LGBTQ+ and Jewish identities.” (from their website) Jews of Color Initiative, an organization dedicated to teaching about intersectionality in the Jewish community, focuses on research, philanthropy, field building, and community education Nonbinary Hebrew Project: It’s hard to describe, but they’re working to find/create/add suffixes that represent nonbinary genders in Hebrew. If you speak Hebrew/another gendered language, you might know what I mean about gendered suffixes. Jewish Mysticism Reading List (These are related to our closed practices, goyim should NOT be practicing these things) Ritualwell (you can find prayers and blessings related to specific things here, I personally like that they have blessings related to gender identity) Guimel, an LGBTQ+ support group for the Jewish Community in Mexico. The site is in Spanish. I’m not a native speaker, but I was still able to read a little bit of it. SVARA: “SVARA’s mission is to empower queer and trans people to expand Torah and tradition through the spiritual practice of Talmud study.” (From their website) TransTorah is definitely an older website, but there are still some miscellaneous pdfs and resources up on the “Resources” page. Jewish Disabilities Advocates: “The JFS Jewish Disabilities Advocates program was created to raise awareness and further inclusion of people with disabilities within Jewish organizations and the larger Jewish community.” (from their website) Jewish Food Society (recipes, have not spent a lot of time browsing here but maybe I should in the future) Jewish Blind & Disabled, an organization that operates mainly in providing accessible housing and living. Jewish Braille Institute International: “The JBI Library provides individuals who are blind, visually impaired, physically handicapped or reading disabled with books, magazines and special publications of Jewish and general interest in Audio, Large Print and Braille formats.” (from their website) Their services are free!)

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cemeterything · 5 months

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Do you have any favourite fitzier fanfics :3c

yeah alright:

to be as one is (series) by TheGoodDoctor (rating: G, T) (this one deals a lot with gender and self identity and never fails to make me smile no matter how rotten i'm feeling)

Through by robokittens (E) (one of the tags on this fic is "spiritual woundfucking" and i feel like that recommends this fic better than i can in my own words)

oh you pretty things by wildcard_47 (T) (one of many 'Francis buys James a dress' fics, but this one stood out to me because the dialogue and prose is just so thoroughly delightful to read)

The Shipmaster's Song by ripeteeth (T) (what if... we were shipwrecks at the bottom of the ocean... and we were both doomed polar explorers...)

Sunlight, sunlight, sunlight by for_autumn_i_am (E) (a 'what if Carnivale didn't go up in literal smoke' au where everything aches with the promise of future tragedy but still manages to be heartwarming)

an unexpected gift by aes3plex (G) (JFJ meets Francis' extensive family. all of this author's works are incredible but this one was my favorite, equal parts charming and heartwrenching.)

twin high maintenance machines by veganthranduil (E) (obligatory 'the one where they both have erectile dysfunction but they still try to make it work' fic; selected this one specifically for the equal parts delightfully and painfully in character dialogue.)

Swallow by Daucus (T) ('gross' intimacy my beloved. you know the scene in Princess Mononoke where San feeds Ashitaka when he's too weak to care for himself so that he'll survive and heal? well that rewired MY brain and this is the fitzier version.)

burnt-out match in a dark room by deadgreeks (T) (marriage/death parallels and the intimacy of performing someone's last funeral rites. this one's a 'keep a pack of tissues on hand just in case' one.)

singing even so by shortcrust (T) (Orpheus and Eurydice in the Arctic. had me staring blankly into space and hugging myself as if chilled for nearly an hour after i finished it.)

The Gunner's Daughter by reinetta (E) (the most gorgeously written and romantic depiction of a sadomasochistic scene i've ever had the pleasure of reading)

Da mi basia mille, deinde centum by anactoriatalksback (M) (makeout fic, but calling it a "makeout fic" is so vastly underselling this. the plot is literally "they make out", but you will be hanging on to every word and astonished by the amount of character study that the author manages to pack into that premise.)

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself by 5runner5 (M) (PTSD recovery fic in a pre-PTSD recognition era, and by far my favorite for how honest it is about the difficult reality of communication and recovery in a relationship)

shall warmer, sweeter be by baestard (T) (a wonderful exploration of transgender identity and self-discovery that remains impressively period accurate. or: 'what if we survived the arctic and we were both girls'.)

#fitzier #i haaaaate maintagging but i might need to refer back to this

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little-silly-bear · 1 year

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Roles of stuffies

Hi kiddos! Many of you asked me about the different roles that a stuffie can have so I made this post to make it more clear, hope you'll like it! If you want let me know what roles your stuffies have!

I want to clarify that I see every object alive, it's both part of my spiritual belief and my view on life as well. I truly believe that everything has a little sparkle inside, that's also why my stuffies are so important for me. Please don't make fun of this post or how I see them because I'll sadly block you without explanation, it's a sensible topic for me. Thank you now enjoy!

Comforter

- A stuffie with the main role of comforting you. They're usually old stuffies or related to a specific period of your life, they give you a sense of a calmness when you're tiny or upset. They usually help you ground yourself when you're crying or they can give you strength when you hug them, the truth is that they love being with you.

Protector

- A stuffie with the main role of protecting you both emotionally and physically. This stuffie usually stay the most by your side, they protect you from nightmares, monsters under bed, bad people, social anxiety when you're outside,etc...They're very tough and love their job.

Memory holder

-A stuffie with the main role of holding a specific memory or sensation for you. This type of stuffie usually can hold a single memory but it's strong enough that when you look at them you can't forget it. For example: A trip at the zoo, a friend, a date with a caregiver, a good day, a parent,etc..They're very sensitive and when you look at them they loves to see you smile.

Silly amplifier

- A stuffie with the main role of making you laugh or being carefree again. They're usually related to something you love and that makes you instantly tiny, when you look at this stuffie you can't stop giggling and jumping. They're infused with a magic spell that is full of love and joy and all the good things, it's a rare and beautiful magic and They're honored to use it with you.

Caregiver

-A stuffie with the main role of being your caregiver. This type of stuffie usually represents a parental figure, they come in your life if you have a dysfunctional or absent parent. They're what you needed as a kid. For example: They're like a caring and loving mom, a supportive dad, a great sibling, someone that take care of you in an healthy way. This type of stuffie literally see you as their offspring and they love you unconditionally.

Telepath

-A stuffie with the main role of understanding you or talk with you without words. This type of stuffie are very strong and wise, when you're tiny and you can't communicate you can still look at them they would know what you need. When you're outside and there's too many people you can look at them and they can telepathically send you encouraging words. If you're lucky enough to have one of these stuffies in your life, you have like a shiny in the pokemon world!

Sidekick

-A stuffie with the main role of helping another stuffie doing their job. This type of stuffie usually comes unnoticed, you probably don't play much with them or they stay displayed in a shell but you never touch them. It may seems sad from the outside but they're actually okay! They help other stuffie fulfill their job when they control everything and make sure we're all safe! They have no desires to have a bigger job or doing more stuff, They're just happy to help like this! Also occasional kisses and cuddles are always accepted!

Remember that you CAN like and reblog my posts but you CAN'T repost even with credits or use the tag #mine under this post!

#agere #sfw agere #age regression #ageregression #agere community #cglre #cglre community #mine #age regression community #agedre #agedre community

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msbigredmachine · 1 year

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Hoochie Daddy (Jey Uso/OC)

How many of these shorts does he have? And how quickly can she take them off him? Jey Uso/OC gym one-shot.

Warnings: SMUT

Word count: 4.7k

A/N: I believe @southerngirl41 is the reason for this title, lol. Let me know what you think!

All Jey gifs by @annoyedkayah2395

-------------------

The gym in the basement of Jey Uso’s house was something straight out of the Creed movies. The floor, walls, and ceilings were solid concrete, the old school decor contrasting with the state of the art equipment within its walls. The speaker system on the far wall blasted the late great DMX as you laid waste to the punching bag in the corner. The straining of your muscles and the aching of your joints felt good. It was helping a lot with clearing your head, given the rather stressful events of the past couple of months.

Though not directly involved yourself, you had experienced the strife within the Bloodline through your boyfriend. From Sami’s betrayal at the Royal Rumble, to Roman’s rage, Jey boycotting the shows for weeks, the uncertainty coming to a head at Wrestlemania with the twins losing the Tag Team titles to Sami and Kevin. Hit hard by the defeat, Jey reacted by keeping his distance from the group once again. He avoided everyone’s phone calls, and you happily played gatekeeper, screening his calls and keeping the doors locked from all intruders. If Jey didn’t want to communicate with anyone, then so be it. You loved his family like they were your own, but his peace of mind always came first. Always.

Which is why you let him sleep in while you came down here to beat the shit out of this damn bag. He’d gone to bed early last night and you wanted sex, but you couldn’t find it in your heart to wake him up and disturb his rest. This morning, you had to physically stop yourself from mounting him and riding him well into the afternoon. He looked so good lying there next to you, butt naked with his new chest tattoo just begging for your oral attention. That man made you horny at a moment's notice and it would have been infuriating if you weren’t already completely in love with the way he made you feel.

So, you decided an early morning exercise would help you out with your frustrations. You learned that working out brought you to a state of erotic readiness. There was a power and excitement about exerting your entire body that amplified your arousal. It also helped that you were dating a man that shared your philosophy. Exercise energized you and Jey. The changes you’d experienced sexually in the past year were testament to this. As a couple you had transitioned from traditional sex to something so much more erotic and spiritual. Your relationship thrived as a result, and for the first time in years, you were happy.

"You’re stronger. But you gon’ hurt yourself if you don't relax your shoulders," a familiar gruff voice warned from the doorway of the gym.

You turned towards your boyfriend, locking eyes with him from across the room. You nodded at his barely clothed frame. “And you’re gonna have a yeast infection if you keep wearin’ them tight ass hoochie daddy shorts,” you shot back.

He burst into a chuckle as he glanced down at his yellow shorts, smiling that breathtaking smile of his. “You got jokes, huh?” he said, pushing off the door frame. As he approached you, his dark eyes raked over the light sprinkling of freckles over your beautiful face. He knew how many there were and could locate each one with his eyes closed. Your frizzy jet black hairstyle and crafted eyebrows made your eyes pop. And though they were hidden, he couldn’t help but drool over the outline of your nipple piercings through your thin, long sleeved Nike crop top.

You picked up your bottle of water. “How long have you been standing there watching me like a creep?”

“Long enough. You know I can watch you all day, baby. You sexy as hell,” he winked, giving you a sweet kiss before swatting your backside. "How long you been in here?”

"About an hour. Did some cardio first. I was horny and you were asleep.”

“Sorry ‘bout that, babe. I’ll make it up to you later.”

“I wanna fuck you now,” you pouted like a child, “Do you know how much willpower it took to not jump your bones this morning?”

“I do. And I applaud your restraint. Usually, you can’t resist me,” he bragged.

“So damn arrogant.”

“Luh you too, boo,” he chuckled. Adjusting the Snapback around his head, he moved to the free weight area of the room. You noticed him fiddling with his phone, and rolled your eyes when he placed it in a strategic vantage point. Another IG story in the works; another day of women coming online to comment and thirst over his beautiful body. Just great.

You stared as he pulled himself over the high bar and back down in flawless repetitions. The transformation of his body over the last year was goals, and you were inspired. However, with said transformation came the sudden need to wear only the teeniest tightest outfits to the gym, and now he had these little shorts in every color imaginable; pink, green, yellow, black, literally the Power Ranger collection of bikini shorts, with the hem just a few inches below his backside and showing off the extensive leg tattoos and the fullness of the groin that belonged to you. The material bunched up in that area as he slowly lowered himself back to the ground. Sweat glistened on his body, coursing down his defined contours, and you felt an animalistic urge to go right up to him and lick off every drop...

“Like what you see, baby?” His deep voice interrupted your dirty thoughts. Forcing your gaze back up, you saw his smirk, expressing his amusement at the heat in your eyes.

“You know I do. I’ve lost all my concentration thanks to them little ass shorts.”

“Concentrate on something else, then,” he insisted, empowered by how flustered he made you.

“I can’t. That ass is calling my name,” you whined, “You got your Daddy’s booty, I’ve told you this before.”

Jey groaned audibly. “Girl, leave my Daddy outta this!”

The side of your lips quirked, showing off the tiny dimple in your cheek that drove Jey crazy. “But it’s true. Jimmy got Kish’s face, you got his ass.”

The former tag champ burst out laughing. His girl was as crazy as she was beautiful. “You are unbelievable.”

“I know, Daddy.”

Not Daddy. Damn. His gaze followed your ample backside as you walked away, and involuntarily, his tongue darted out over his lips. Forcing himself to refocus, he settled down on the weight bench and picked up the weights he set out to train with.

The two of you worked out in comfortable silence, shooting furtive glances when the other wasn't looking. As he laid back on the bench, you ogled his dick print, his grunts of exertion causing you to bite your lip and squeeze your thighs together where you stood. Noting his attention was solely on the dumbbells, you sensed the opportunity passing you by.

Fuck it.

“Your video still on?” you asked, going over to him.

“No, why?”

You gave no answer, but proceeded to flop down directly onto his groin, smirking at his startled grunt. You could feel his eyes burning holes into the back of your head but you didn't care. Making yourself comfortable on his lap, you started slowly, grinding your ass on his cock, feeling him harden almost instantly through the thin barrier of your clothing.

“What are you doing?” Jey demanded, scrambling to sit upright. You looked over your shoulder at him with a devilish grin, noticing the struggle in his eyes.

“I told you…I want some dick...I want what’s mine,” you let him know, opening your legs a little wider to grind on him. With a steady roll of your hips, you moaned and whimpered at the feeling of the wetness pooling in your loins. You let his groans wash over you as you rocked you back and forth on him, bumping your ass against his abs repeatedly.

“Fuck, baby,” he hissed.

“Yeah, Daddy, you like that?" you taunted him, looking back at him as you rode him reverse cowgirl. "Come out here looking like that and expect me not to jump you, huh?"

Jey did not know where to put his hands. You had him all discombobulated from your little ambush. He settled for the curls of your hair, tugging your head to the side to allow his lips and tongue attack your sweaty neck. This motivated you to arch your back and roll your ass more harshly, his hand in your hair making you look back at it. You knew how good you were making him feel as he shifted multiple times to make your ass stroke his dick through his shorts. His hungry eyes watched you dry hump the shit out of him, his eyebrows pinched together in total arousal.

“Aww fuck, keep goin’,” he moaned, grabbing your gyrating backside, purposely flexing his thigh muscles to give you more friction. His husky praise encouraged you to pick up the pace. Your hips rolled diligently, your hands braced on his knees for leverage, thoroughly enjoying the sounds tumbling from his mouth. It was sweaty, it was hot, and from the way your pussy rippled, it was about to get even hotter.

Then, from out of nowhere, you stopped and stood up.

“And that’s my workout done for the day,” you announced, stepping away from him.

Jey could not keep his jaw from dropping in shock. “The fuck? Babe!” he exclaimed with wide eyes.

You casually adjusted your clothes and ignored the prominent tent in his shorts. “Yep. Pelvic thrusts. Great for mobility,” you explained, fighting the urge to laugh. He looked so frustrated, it was hilarious.

The Samoan squared his shoulders and glared at you. “Damn dick tease. I’ma get you for that, ya hear me?” he threatened.

“I hope so.” For a long moment, you regarded him, talking to him without saying a word. You were checking on him, hoping he was okay. Jey’s expression softened in understanding, and he grabbed your hand and pressed his lips to your inner wrist. The feeling of his mouth gently pressed to your skin made your stomach clench with a sweet mix of affection and need.

“See you upstairs, baby. I’ll be right up, a’ight?” he prodded gently, his eyes shining with gratitude.

You nodded. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Now go, before I bend your fine ass over my lap.” He burst out laughing as your eyes lit up at the prospect. “Go!”

“Fine.” Blowing him a kiss, you left the room before he could change his mind and carry out his dastardly threat. Like he did a couple of weeks ago, when he locked you inside the laundry room and proceeded to fuck you for an hour. In eight different positions. All while getting the laundry done. Good Lord. Could you do that again, actually?

Buying a jetted jacuzzi tub big enough for two, was one of the best decisions you and Jey had ever made, expense be damned. It was one of your favorite things about the whole house, your place of Zen and tranquility after a long day. You ensured the water was adequately seasoned with Epsom salts and eucalyptus mints among others. Turning off the hot water, you stripped off, tucked your hair into a shower cap, and lowered yourself carefully into the tub. You leaned back and closed your eyes with a deep sigh, allowing the quiet to take over the ambience. You could feel your pores opening instantly, absorbing the mint and the steam, making you feel much more relaxed.

The sound of shoes being noisily kicked off forced your eyes open, landing on the handsome Samoan culprit grinning cheekily at you.

“That looks nice,” he commented.

“It feels amazing,” you concurred, crooking your finger at him. "C'mere, Daddy. Come join me."

Like he would ever turn down such an offer. He peeled off the t-shirt that stuck to his sweaty skin, followed by his so-called hoochie daddy shorts. He blushed at the way your eyes glossed over with desire as they raked over his body. He would never stop enjoying the way you looked at him. He descended into the tub on the opposite side, allowing his legs to entwine with yours underneath the water. Once he was seated, he exhaled loudly, leaning back and closing his eyes like you did.

“Your mind’s a mile away from here,” you spoke up after a few minutes of observing him in silence. “Come back to me, baby. Talk to me.”

Jey turned his head toward the window, staring dully at the bright sky outside. When he spoke, the pain in his voice hurt your soul.

“Tell me how I let all of this shit happen,” he whispered. “I thought I was doing the right thing, man. Staying in the Bloodline to protect Jimmy. I thought I had everything under control. Until I got in that ring on Saturday night. It shoulda been just another match for me. But one look at Sami and all I saw was red. I let my emotions get the best of me. Now we’ve lost the fucking titles.” He paused, dragging a hand down his face. “The crazy part is, I believe Sami. I know he’s right about everything. Everything he warned me about is happenin’ now. Baby I just don’t know what to do.”

He looked over at you, and your heartstrings tugged at the helplessness you saw in his eyes, something you realized you’d been seeing too often lately. It was taking a toll on the usually confident, self-assured man you knew and loved. It was no secret that your boyfriend was under the Tribal Chief’s thumb, with no true will of his own. You had your own opinions on everything that was happening and you had told Jey that much, but it was ultimately up to him to do what he needed to do.

Pushing away from your end of the tub, you waded in between his spread legs, resting your back against his chest. You always seemed to fit so perfectly against him. His arms instantly came around you, feeding off your warmth, your aura, your quiet strength that he so desperately needed.

“You’re not happy, Jey,” you assessed. “I wish you didn’t second-guess yourself so much, because your instincts are almost always right. You need to act on them again. I want you to do what’s best for you. Nobody else. Not Sami, not your brothers, not your cousin…not even me. Look out for Jey Uso this time. Just this once. And as always, whatever you decide, I got your back one hundred percent.”

Although you couldn’t see him, you could feel him absorbing your advice, letting your words swirl around in his head. You only hoped this meant that his misery would come to an end sooner rather than later. Exhaling heavily, he reclined again, stretching one arm across the top of the tub’s ceramic surface and holding onto you with the other.

“After this shit is over, I owe you a vacation,” he spoke. “Just you and me, far away from here.”

“Ooh, yes I’m down for that,” you nodded eagerly.

“Yeah. I definitely owe you a ring, too.”

“A ring?” Your brows furrowed in confusion at first, and then it hit you. Your head angled up to meet his eyes. “Mr. Ucey Jucey, are you proposing to me?”

Jey shrugged. “I told you I’ma marry you one day, lil’ mama. I ain’t changed my mind,” he said.

“You sure you’re ready for my craziness on a full-time basis?”

“That’s what I love about you the most, baby. I ain’t letting nobody else have you, that’s for damn sure.”

“Hmm. So you’re possessive,” you interrogated.

“I just know a good thing when I see it,” he stated, gazing deep into your eyes. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I ain’t letting it go, not even with my last breath.”

“And I’m not letting you go either,” you smiled, leaning into him, “You’re all mine, my big bad hoochie daddy.”

“Stop,” he warned, licking his lips.

“Stop what?”

“Calling me that.”

You raised your eyebrow. “Make me.”

Jey's amused expression instantly became serious, and he swallowed hard as his eyes dilated. It was always a thrill for you, challenging his control, anticipating what he would do to you afterwards. Just as that thought crossed your mind, you felt his right hand glide slowly down your body.

“What are you doing?” you asked, your words dissolving into a gasp when he squeezed your right breast.

“Finishing what you started.”

Your breath hitched when his hand continued its journey down south and slipped between your thighs. Instinctively you opened them, letting him play with your pussy using the tips of his long fingers. "Oh fuck," you gasped, your head tilting back when they breached your folds, going in deep. Licking your lips, you moaned and then grunted as he scissored his fingers back and forth inside you. “Oh god, Jey, yes…”

His lips swept the length of your neck, your little moans music to his ears. "You like that, mama? Like my fingers deep in you?"

You tried to respond, but the words evaporated as he dug deeper into your pussy. You spread your legs wider in the water, letting him work you at the pace he wanted. His mouth suckled your throat, and a blissful sigh sang from inside your heaving chest, your body awash with heat as his fingers probed you.

“Daddy…”

“Yeah, say my name, baby.”

It was as though he’d cast a spell on you, the urgency with which you needed him inside you, on you, all over you. Holding the back of your head steady with his other hand, he leaned down and covered your lips with his. Your fingers raked through the wetness of his mullet fade, moving your lips greedily against his as he sped up the movements of his fingers.

“Mmm, these lips were made for kissing me,” he murmured dreamily, and his soft words turned you to mush. Your mouth remained on his even as you rotated your body, unwilling to release him for even the few seconds it took to turn around. You climbed onto his lap and sat on him. His hands immediately sought the curve of your ass, squeezing in large handfuls. Your pierced, erect nipples pressed against his chest, delightfully rising and sinking like two round buoys in the sea. His groin felt hot against yours, just like it did in the gym. As he guided you down his length, you quickly grabbed the edge of the tub to keep from slipping. You both gasped from the familiar joy of your bodies joining, with every inch of Jey’s thick length sliding all the way inside you.

Jey didn't think he had ever felt you so tight, yet so slick and easy to penetrate. He watched you closely as you rocked your hips slowly, carefully, making sure you had all of him. You lifted your knees and wrapped your legs around his hips, your heels pressing against his lower back and prompting Jey to sit up and hug you tight. The tilt of his cock as you rolled your hips forward brought out another groan from you both. You rode him at a variety of paces, watching the pleasure wash over his face with each change. He lifted one hand to toy with your nipple, his palm squeezing your breast as you moaned in response. You paused for a second to adjust yourself on top of him, then switched up your movements, rising and falling, your pussy gripping his length tightly with every drop and dragging a hiss from his lips. You rode him good, rode him hard, your wanton gasps of pleasure echoing around the bathroom. Jey’s bottom lip disappeared between his teeth as he kneaded and massaged your ass, then gripping hard as he took control, working you on his dick.

“Fuck, yes, yes!” you groaned into his neck as he steered you on his pole, his fingers digging into your hip bones as he grinded you onto him, increasing the stimulation on your clit. Then, he was lifting you up and down, bouncing you with a desperation that turned you on even more. Words failed you at this point, reduced to a panting, moaning mess. You were dizzy from pleasure, almost at the edge of release. The water splashing around you went ignored in the throes of passion, with him growling against your throat as you whimpered in his arms.

Jey’s grip on your waist was vice-like as he bounced you harder, chasing his own release. It felt like you were cracking in two from the scorching heat you and Jey had created. You didn’t try to tamp down your moans as you came. It was sweet and ferocious and ravaging all at once, ushering Jey himself past the point of control as he spurted generously inside you. His deep, raspy groan broke you all over again, and you let the ripples plunge you into another incredible orgasm, brought on by the sheer force of his. When it was over, you were both spent and trembling in the water, breathing raggedly, clinging to each other for dear life. Jey dropped a kiss to your forehead and then your nose, the gesture warm and tender.

“Damn, Daddy,” you moaned, earning a proud grin from him.

"Ay, you wanted dick, you got it. You're welcome," he said matter-of-factly, carefully lifting you off his cock and helping you out of the water.

“So arrogant.”

“Luh you too, boo.”

After draining the tub, the two of you made your way into the shower for a proper cleansing. You ended up in there for much longer than usual thanks to your make-out session beneath the cascading water while soaping each other up. There was something so sexy about him pinning you to the wall as you kissed, your wet bodies pressed together, the little sensual noises of pleasure you both made while he gripped and massaged your ass cheeks. As you left the shower, he maneuvered you towards the sink, facing the mirror. You hissed softly as the cold surface contrasted erotically with the heat of your man's body on your back, and you braced your hands on the bathroom countertop. He started kissing your neck, his hand shifting upwards so he could caress your breasts. You watched him in the mirror, your pussy moistening further at the sexy sight.

As he continued to nuzzle your throat, you flexed your spine, pressing your ass into his groin, and was rewarded by the sharp breath he sucked in. Relieving you of your shower cap, he swept your curly hair into his fist and pressed another kiss to your throat, meeting your eyes through the mirror.

“I love the way you look at me, like you want me,” he whispered.

“I do want you. I want you every day of my life. I’ll always want you, Jey,” you vowed. The look he gave you in response was so purely masculine, so primal, visibly turned on by your declaration.

"That’s my girl. Keep your eyes on me, baby,” he instructed, kissing your cheek, “Let me show you what I see every time we fuck."

Swallowing hard, you watched his head drop, and gasped as his fingers slipped unexpectedly between your legs, gathering your juices. You could hear the wet sound of his hand stroking his dick, and you longed to turn around and look, to watch him spread your essence all over himself. His husky groan as he lined his dick up with your entrance made your pussy flutter. Catching your eye in the mirror, he smirked at your impatient expression and smacked your backside for your troubles.

"Don’t worry, you gon’ get every inch, baby, all of it, it’s yours," he promised. With no further preamble, he bent you over, used your hips to pull you up onto your tiptoes, and entered you from behind. Your sharp gasp filled the bathroom as your walls stretched to accommodate his length and girth, your body almost doubling over in the process. His eyes remained on yours through the mirror as he slowly started to thrust in and out of you, reveling in the pleasure washing over your features.

A string of moans left your lips as his cock speared you over and over, his tattooed arm around your waist to hold you steady. Your breasts jutted forward as your spine arched back, both of you transfixed by the reflection in the mirror, both of you extremely turned on, panting with the sheer eroticism of watching yourselves have sex.

"Baby, you feel so good," you groaned, bending over slightly as he thrust deeper into you. His long fingers threaded through your hair, and he used it to roughly pull you back up, almost to a standing position. Both of you were panting, moaning, the scent of sex heavy in the air, the sounds of your flesh pounding together ringing in your ears.

Dropping a wet kiss to your neck, he growled in your ear as he stared you down through the mirror. "Look at us, baby. Look how fucking good we look together."

You did look good, especially with him inside you. Together, your joined reflection looked good. You were an amazing pair, you and the man of your wildest dreams. You spread your legs further and rocked onto the balls of your feet, bringing him deeper into you, your breasts bouncing in time to his fierce thrusts, his hand still in your hair to hold you in place. He was insatiable for you, and you for him.

"Shit, baby, your pussy is so good. You’re takin’ Daddy’s dick so well," he rasped.

His glassy eyes and barely contained groans told you he was close to coming. A naughty idea came to your mind, and you brought your hand down to touch yourself, moaning when your fingers slipped easily over the slick wetness you found there. Jey's eyes darkened in the mirror as he watched you, his hand in your hair tightening reflexively as you started stroking rapidly, right over where his dick made that sweet connection with your pussy.

Being the showman that he was, Jey loved himself a good show. And you found that you quite liked putting on a show for your man.

You could feel your body start to heat up, your swollen clit protruding against your fingers at the same time he deep-stroked your wetness. As you watched him in the mirror, you could see and feel the tension building inside him, matching yours, your naked bodies starting to tremble from the climbing pleasure.

“Daddy, I’m gonna come,” you whined. Those four words seemed to set him off. His movements became wilder, rougher, mounting to a rising crescendo. He had you literally on the tips of your toes, at the very edge of euphoria, finally falling over when his teeth sank into your shoulder.

“Jey!”

You exploded. Releasing one more time all over his dick. Jey was right behind you, pumping hard inside you once, twice, and groaning into your shoulder as he came. His body shuddered against yours, your orgasms seemingly pulsing through both of you together. Gripping your hips tight, he moaned again, rolling his pelvis against your thick, juicy backside to drain every drop of his cum into your warm, intoxicating pussy. You purred softly with satisfaction and rested your head on his shoulder, letting him envelop you in those strong arms of his as your bodies calmed down.

Jey slowly pulled out of you, his eyes flickering to your stance; naked, bent over with your legs splayed, with his seed trickling down your inner thighs. So fucking hot. He turned you back to him, a small smile on his face when you tiptoed up to kiss his lips and play with his hair.

“So…what else are we doin’ today?” he asked you.

“We might need another shower,” you giggled, rubbing his back, “Also, I want you to make me breakfast wearing one of them tiny shorts,” you added. “You’re gonna wear them all day and nothing else.”

“That what you want, baby?”

“Yeah, and for me and my eyes only. No videos,” you quickly added the caveat.

“Where’s the fun in that?” he quipped, laughing when you smacked his arm.

“I said what I said. I think your beloved IG fangirls have seen enough for today,” you pouted.

He chuckled at your little riot act and pecked your pouty lips. “Fine. Anything for you, pretty girl.”

“Thanks, Hoochie Daddy. Love you.”

Jey could only sigh and shake his head with a big smile. He wouldn’t have your cheeky self any other way. “Love you, too, lil’ mama.”

THE END.

-------------

I’m on a roll with Jey rn. But I’ll 100% go back to my Tribal Chief soon. This one didn’t have too much drama, but I hope you liked it, still.

Please leave comments. I love comments!

Banner made by me. Credit to owners of the pics and gifs.

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