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bvidzsoo · 4 months

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Love Me Like A Rockstar (5)

Chapter 5: Avalanche

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Song Mingi x female reader

Warning: cussing, mentions of suicide

Word count: 8, 084

Summary: Love. You wanted none of it. You had already been heartbroken very badly once, you didn't wish to go through that ever again. But the Universe works in intricate ways and, somehow, you found yourself webbed up in a local rockstar's life, Song Mingi. He was everything you expected him to be, yet nothing like you imagined him he would be. What happens when you find mutual understanding and have heartful conversations? Will he be able to break down your walls? Will you be able to chase away his darkness?

A/N: Updateee, hehet. Now, now...this chapter is emotionally loaded, but at least we can notice some progress in their relationship lol, it was about time if you ask me. Please listen to Avalanche before or while reading this chapter, it's really important as it portrays Mingi's story and feelings in the past, so please don't skip it! I can't promise the next update will be soon because I have a deadline by next week, but if I won't be too burned out then I might just update towards next weekend. ALSO G U Y S!!!! Tunnel?!?!?!?!?! SONG MINGI'S SOLO???? ARE WE FINE?!?!?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE RELEASES T H A T WHILE I'M WRITING A STORY EXACTLY LIKE THAT???!! No, but seriously, I'm completely not fine, I still can't believe this happened BECAUSE IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME I WRITE SOMETHING AND IT HAPPENS. Okay, I'm done screaming, sorry. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, I tried my best and I hope it turned out okay. Feedback is appreciated, enjoy now!!

Taglist: @orshii @or5i @lovely-red2 @juicy-red @scarfac3 @sunaswifes-blog @voicesinmyhead-rc @teez-the-time @maru-matt @kyeos4ng @deathbyyeekies @chicksmoothie @okokmaybe01-blog

⟨Series M.list ↭ Previous Chapter⟩

♫Playlist♫

There was a beat of silence, of nobody moving, of nobody blinking or saying anything. My heart shouldn’t have picked up its rhythm so fast, but as my eyes briefly ran over Mingi’s tall form standing in the doorway opposite mine, I realized he looked the same as in the video I have seen on Seulgi’s Instagram story, the only change to his outfit was the black hoodie covering his broad frame—and wet, almost see-through, white shirt.

“What are you doing here?” My mouth was moving before I could think, mind suddenly a puddle.

“Picking up some food since I’m headed home from Outlaw.” Mingi’s explanation came quickly, his own eyes taking in my appearance as they briefly ran over my body. My grip tightened around the doorknob as I suddenly felt embarrassed. I knew I didn’t look like my usual self; my eyes were still red from crying, and I couldn’t help but sniff every other few minute. And I was completely soaked in rainwater.

“What are you doing here?” Mingi asked at once, eyes finally meeting mine. His expression was neutral, but there was something in his eyes—he seemed tired. Black eyeliner rimmed his already sharp eyes, creating the illusion of them piercing right through you. I suddenly felt naked under his attentive gaze, too exposed for my liking. I cleared my throat and stepped away from the doorway finally, circling my arms around my body, just now noticing the teetering of my teeth. I tried to offer my body some comfort by hugging myself, but it wasn’t exactly working.

“I was on a walk when it started raining, so I took shelter in here.” That wasn’t a lie at all, yet under Mingi’s watchful gaze, it felt like one. My eyebrows slightly furrowed at the thought, wondering why it felt like I was lying. Perhaps it was the doubt in his eyes as he looked over me once again, clearly questioning why I was drenched from head to toe if I took shelter in here, but I would not further explain myself to him.

“Right,” His voice conveyed nothing and I tried to hide my surprise as he didn’t prod further, “I understand.”

He stepped outside the men’s restroom finally, making me press myself up against the cold wall of the hallway as it was narrow, sniffing as another shudder ripped through my body. Despite having warmed my hands and cheeks with the warm water, I could feel the cold seep through my bones once again as my clothes clung onto my frame uncomfortably. Mingi didn’t cast me any other glance as he took off towards the main hall and I found myself following after him, licking my dry lips as I tried to hug myself tighter, rubbing at my side clumsily. It was my last attempt to warm myself up. My eyes were trained on the floor as they were burning, but I found them drawn upwards soon, curiously watching the back of Mingi’s head. His black hair was damp, and the blue sheer sunglass I saw him wearing in the video was put on backwards, making me frown as I stared at it as it rested against the back of Mingi’s head. Couldn’t he just take it off? Why wear it backwards? Was this a new trend he was following to become more famous? I scoffed at myself quietly as Mingi and I rounded the corner, walking back inside the main hall of the diner, the lady at the front counter looking up from a notebook she was writing in, cash placed next to it. Her eyes were trained on Mingi only, and I rolled my eyes subconsciously, awaiting her to act like one of his baboons—fangirls—from Outlaw and even from our university, but instead, her eyes held warmth as she leaned down and grabbed something from behind the counter. I found myself rooted to my place, watching the interaction—just slightly intrigued—as if I were a child waiting for their parent to finally move and leave the diner. It was silly, really, why was I waiting for Mingi? It’s not like him and I would be leaving together—yet my feet refused to move despite my thoughts telling me to do so.

“Steak with mashed potatoes and some side dishes, just the way you like it.” The lady said kindly as she placed a casserole inside a bag on the counter, pushing it towards Mingi. My eyes were glued to the side of his face, watching his reaction, waiting for his usual arrogant and flirty self to come to the surface, but instead, a small smile made it onto his face as his right hand slipped inside his pocket. Huh, that was new, I’ve never seen Mingi act like—himself—in front of a woman before.

“Thank you, Dahyun, you always seem to know what I’m craving.” Mingi told her quietly and I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt a sneeze trying to fight its way out of my nose, it burned.

“No, you just always ask for the same meals on the same days,” She chuckled as Mingi extended the money towards her, “You’re a simple man, and my memory is simply too good—it’s on the house tonight, Mingi.”

“But—”

“I already closed the register.” Dahyun winked at him and pushed Mingi’s hand back, ignoring the noises of complaint he made, “Seriously, do you want me to overwork myself?”

“Fine,” Mingi sighed, his eyebrows furrowed. My head started to lightly thump and I found myself leaning against the wall, eyes heavy and burning. My mother would kill me for getting sick for such a dumb reason as to staying out in the rain without realizing it was even pouring. Damn Yunho, it’s his fault, “But at least let me leave a tip.”

Dahyun gave Mingi a pointed stare before her eyes fell on me, suddenly realizing I was there too. I cleared my throat awkwardly as I stood up straight, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. Mingi turned his head, his eyes falling on me as well, and suddenly I felt—so small. Both of them were looking at me with concern in their eyes, and I couldn’t help but look away as my eyes were suddenly burning with tears in them. Why was I in such an unstable state all of a sudden? My chest felt lighter, my throat wasn’t closing in on me anymore—I was fine, so then why?

“Can you make her some tea? If I’m not asking for too much.” My eyes snapped up in Mingi’s direction as he was looking at me, face still emotionless, but eyebrows furrowed.

“Of course, we’ve still got like five minutes until we’re closing.” Dahyun answered him cheerily and then turned around, opening some cabinets as she got to work.

“Okay, but accept the money this time.” Mingi muttered and placed some bills on the counter, pushing it towards the notebook she seemed to be busy with before we disturbed her.

“Whatever.” Dahyun huffed and cast me a quick glance as Mingi turned to look at me again.

“Are you cold?” Mingi asked and I tensed my muscles, trying to stop the trembling, but it was hard—and it wasn’t even working. But I just gulped and pulled myself together, walking closer to him.

“No.” My teeth clanked against each other again and I sniffed as Dahyun turned to face me, a plastic cup in her hands.

“We only have wild berry tea; I hope you like that.” She said with a smile as she placed the cup on the counter and pushed it towards me. I cleared my throat and looked down at it, the steam hot and inviting as I reluctantly reached out for it. It was embarrassing—this whole situation. I was looking like a mess, on the verge of another breakdown, because why not—my brain decided that I simply wasn’t finished crying over nothing—even if it wasn’t exactly nothing, I refused to acknowledge it. I reluctantly reached for the cup, slightly annoyed that Mingi and this Dahyun girl were looking at me like I was going to break—or explode—at any given moment. I let out a frustrated sigh as my fingers wrapped around the hot cup firmly, skin slightly burning, but I welcomed the feeling as I have stopped feeling my fingers a good few minutes ago.

“Stop looking at me like that, Mingi, I’m fine.” I didn’t mean to snap, but my tone was sharp as I sucked in a sharp breath, bringing the cup up to my lips and blowing on the hot water, the steam warming my skin.

“I’m not looking—anyways,” He cut himself off as he grabbed the bag with his food inside and stepped away from the counter, “Thank you, Dahyun, we won’t be holding you back for longer.”

“No problem, see you soon!” She said with a smile, waving a little as Mingi nodded at her, barely returning her smile. It seemed almost like there was something wrong with him, but I couldn’t tell, I didn’t know him well. He could’ve been simply acting to gain our sympathy—I could see Mingi doing something like that, it didn’t seem too far from his atrocious character.

“Uh, thank you.” I thanked the girl quietly as I slightly bowed my head and she just smiled, waving at me as well as I quickly hurried after Mingi, who had stopped in the doorway, apparently waiting for me.

His hand reached out for the handle, but he hesitated for a second, not opening the door just yet, “It’s still raining…and you don’t have an umbrella…”

I raised an eyebrow as I took a sip of my hot tea, taking a glance at Mingi. He was looking ahead, eyes trained on the road through the glass doors. The sweet taste of wild berries exploded in my mouth and I bit my lip as the warm tea flushed down my throat, warming me up from the inside as I eagerly took another big gulp, slightly burning my tongue.

“Yeah, I don’t have an umbrella.” I said, the two of us looking at each other at the same time, “But it’s fine, I’m already drenched. I’ll just run home—”

“You’re already shivering and shaking constantly, Y/N.” Mingi said matter of fact, and I rolled my eyes almost instantly, “Let me drive you home.”

“You don’t have to, it doesn’t matter.” I muttered with a shrug and took another sip of my tea, but Mingi just shook his head and turned his body slightly towards mine.

“You keep sniffing and you are clearly cold, even if you say you aren’t.” He raised an eyebrow, pointing towards my flushed cheek—I could only hope I wouldn’t have a fever, “You’ll catch a cold at this point, just let me drive you home. It’s not a big deal, really.”

“Mingi,” I sighed loudly, giving him a glare, “I’m fine, I’m not cold and I won’t catch a cold—”

Almost as if the Universe—or my own body—was having a laugh at me, a sneeze forced its way through my nostrils, loud, and an obvious sign that I wasn’t doing too well currently. Mingi’s lips pressed into a thin line as he tried not to smile and suppress his chuckle, making me grumble to myself as I quickly drank the remaining tea, feeling slightly warmer.

“Still going to pass on that ride?” Mingi quirked an eyebrow as a smirk appeared on his lips and I scoffed, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“Lead the way, Prince Charming.” I mocked, but it only made Mingi giggle as he pushed the door open, the breeze freezing as it suddenly hit me. I instantly shivered and made myself smaller, clutching myself around my middle.

“That’s my car.” Mingi pointed towards a black car across the street and suddenly he took off, pulling his hood over his head, running out into the rain. There was no oncoming traffic, so I quickly left the shop and ran across the road, headed for the passenger seat. As I got there, the car was unlocked and Mingi was pulling the key out of the lock and opening his side of the door quickly, jumping inside. I followed his lead and slammed the door closed after sitting inside, shivering and groaning at the cold gripping at my skin again, pressing myself back into the leather seat of Mingi’s car. He placed the food in the backseat, putting the keys into the ignition. He looked at me, lips slightly pursed.

“Uh,” For the first time in my life, Mingi looked embarrassed as he scratched his nape, “The car’s old so uhm—we’ll have to wait a little bit before we take off. For the engine to warm up and shit, you know.”

I hummed and gulped, grip tightening around the plastic cup I was still holding onto. I did not want to prolong my time spent together with Mingi, so why couldn’t his car work just fine? I watched him as he turned the key, but the engine didn’t start right away, screeching for a second as Mingi tried again, groaning with his eyebrows furrowed. I remained silent as I watched him struggle for a few more seconds until the engine finally rumbled to life, the sound louder than I expected. But it only lasted for another second before it settled down, the pouring rain overshadowing the sound of the old engine. Mingi went and pressed a few buttons on the dashboard and I allowed my muscles to relax slightly, noting the way I was still shaking. When will it stop? It was getting annoying. As if Mingi sensed my train of thoughts, he turned his head towards me and cleared his throat.

“Are you cold?” He asked, making me sigh as I shook my head no, refusing to admit that I couldn’t feel my feet anymore. Maybe if this old wreck could warm up faster I wouldn’t be shaking so much—and I knew Mingi’s car had zero faults right now, but I had to pour my irritation onto something instead of admitting defeat in front of him, “You’re very obviously cold, Y/N.”

I scoffed and my eyes snapped to him as he suddenly leaned more towards me, reaching for something in the backseat of the car, “If it’s so obvious, Mr. Obvious, do something about it—”

My mouth clamped shut the second Mingi was holding a black denim jacket in his hand with a lopsided smile, extending it towards me, “I am doing something about it, here, wear it.”

He let it fall into my lap before I could refuse him and suddenly my cheeks were on fire—and not from the cold. I cleared my throat loudly and averted my gaze as Mingi settled back into his seat with a small grin, watching me as I rolled my eyes, fumbling with the heavy jacket he had given me. I didn’t want to wear it—that was the last thing I actually wanted to do, but a violent shiver racked through my body and I was suddenly moving faster than lightning, groaning as my clothes were still stuck against my body. It was a horrible feeling, but at least Mingi’s seats were leather, easier to clean. I pulled the black denim jacket around my shoulders before putting each arm through the sleeves, trying to ignore Mingi’s eyes on me, and the amused smile he had on his face. It wasn’t funny—but it was probably entertaining to him. I wonder how many girls he took home like this before me, letting them wear his jacket only to flirt with them afterwards as a means of getting to sleep with them. Men were easy, and Mingi was one of them. I could see right through his bullshit, and so, despite the warmth and masculine scent enveloping my senses, I gave Mingi a sharp glare, making him chuckle.

“You’re so predictable,” He said quietly, almost as if to himself, but I heard him, and I scoffed, “You won’t thank me, right?”

“I’m still cold.” I evaded his question instead, giving him a look, but Mingi just giggled, the sound low and deep inside his chest. I watched as his features relaxed and found my heart beating faster once again as I realized that I was enclosed in a tiny space with him, barely a few feet away from each other. There was something different about Mingi all of a sudden as he threw his head back, sighing loudly and gripping the wheel. His eyes fluttered close and I couldn’t will myself to look away, suddenly curious of the man sitting next to me. Who was he? Why was he like this? But the confusing butterflies deep inside my stomach sent me into distress, and I averted my eyes as Mingi opened his, and realized it was becoming suffocating. The silence. I didn’t like it. Mingi wasn’t saying anything, the engine was still dully rumbling and the rain was hitting the roof of the old Honda Prelude loudly. It didn’t feel as restricting as earlier, but my throat was squeezing in on itself and without asking for permission, I reached forward and pressed a button on the stereo, turning the radio on.

The instrumental wasn’t something I have heard before, and the harsh beat of the drums resounded in the car loudly, making my heart jump. Soon, the drum was accompanied by the lively but soft melody of the guitar, guiding it through. It felt like a storm, the loud and harsh beats of the drums lead by the soft yet determined guitar. It was almost as if two sides of the coin were leaning on each other for support—almost as if one was desperate to be shown some light in the darkness. I saw Mingi shift in the corner of my eyes, and I was startled at the intense look in his eyes as he looked at me, lips parted and eyebrows drawn up. He seemed surprised but at the same time almost angry, it was a look I couldn’t read well yet. I didn’t understand why he was looking at me like that. Suddenly, the drums slightly softened, until they became silent, and the guitar guided the melody smoothly, bringing it a comforting feeling. Mingi and I were still looking at each other and I was about to ask why he was looking at me like that, but suddenly the raspy, yet warm, voice resounding in the car took me off guard as my eyes widened, leaving me gaping at Mingi.

『Cut me open and tell me what's inside

Diagnose me 'cause I can't keep wondering why

And no, it's not a phase 'cause it happens all the time

Start over, check again, now tell me what you find

'Cause I'm going out of frequency

Can anyone respond?』

His voice was smooth as the drums and guitar accompanied it, dropping lower at times and feeling like the caress of a whisper at the same time. Mingi’s face had turned emotionless once again as his eyes locked with mine, and I tried to give him a glare, but my mind was focused on the words he was singing—on the message behind his lyrics.

『It's like an avalanche, I feel myself go under

'Cause the weight of it's like hands around my neck

I never stood a chance, my heart has frozen over

And I feel like I am treading on thin ice』

The beat picked up again, the drums louder as the melody grew more aggressive, Mingi’s voice reflecting it and gliding with it. His voice was powerful and held sincerity as he sung, his words ringing through my mind as the raspiness of it became more hearable. I couldn’t hold Mingi’s gaze anymore and I swiftly turned my head, playing with the cup I had in my hands as I gulped, the melody slowing down once again.

『Am I broken? What's the chance I will survive?

Don't sugarcoat me 'cause I feel like suicide

Just give it to me straight, 'cause I'm running out of time

I need an antidote, now what can you prescribe?』

My eyebrows furrowed the longer I listened to his words, wondering if this is what he actually felt like. Wondering when he wrote this song. Wondering why and how was Mingi hiding such feelings locked away in himself, in a way that nobody would be able to see the real him. Why were his words so relatable and why did I suddenly find myself teary eyed, biting my lower lip to try and get a grip of myself again.

『It's like an avalanche, I feel myself go under

'Cause the weight of it's like hands around my neck

I never stood a chance, my heart has frozen over

And I feel like I am treading on thin ice, and I'm going under』

I wonder who made him feel like that. Who had hurt Mingi so much that he felt like he was on the verge of giving it all up. Did he still feel like that? Were the two of us not so much different from each other after all? I sniffed, turning my head to look out the window instead, scared that if I hung my head down the tears would actually fall.

『I need a cure for me 'cause the square doesn't fit the circle

Give me a remedy 'cause my head wasn't wired for this world

I need a cure for me 'cause the square doesn't fit the circle

Give me a remedy 'cause my head wasn't wired for this world』

My grip around the cup tightened and I heard Mingi shift in his seat again, but I didn’t turn around to look at him. Emotions and thoughts of all sorts were whirling in my head, and I couldn’t stop thinking. I haven’t really paid attention to what he sings in his songs before—not that I had many occasions to do so—but this one suddenly felt so familiar, as if there was at least one person in the world who understood my struggles too. I’ve had low points in life before, especially after Yunho left me, and I really felt like there was no way out for me. I didn’t know how to cope and what to do with myself, I became uncaring and closed myself off to the world, only talking to those necessary, and barely doing anything if I could. That was the only time in my life when my art didn’t help at all, when I couldn’t pick up my pencil out of fear of what my mind would conjure up to torment me with. My life revolved around Jeong Yunho, and I knew because of missing him, he would be the only thing I would be drawing. He was my muse, and I hated it for such a long time not realizing that it was in some twisted way helping with getting over him. I have memorized every single feature and flaw of his, knowing it by heart. It was freeing when I was able to highlight all the things I knew he hated about himself, it made it easier for me to remind myself that he wasn’t as perfect as I thought he was. It was just the idea I had created of him in my head.

My fingers were tapping against the cup, following the rhythm of the song as Mingi’s beautiful voice carried on singing, the melody wrapping me up in my thoughts, almost getting lost to the point where I wasn’t paying attention to the song anymore. But it was actually impossible to do that, Mingi had a way to keep you focused on himself even if he was just simply singing, his raspy and warm voice keeping you in a vice grip, making you yearn for more. As the song came to an end, I released a breath I didn’t even realize I had been holding. Mingi was swift as he leaned forward and turned off the stereo, clearing his throat loudly. For a few more seconds nothing was said between the two of us, silence enveloping around us once again. But I didn’t feel uncomfortable anymore, I felt—almost sad, but mostly curious of the making of this song. Of what prompted Mingi to write it. Why were his emotions so raw in this, and who caused him to feel like this.

“It wasn’t bad,” I found myself speaking up, not really thinking through my words first, “you’re not too bad at this, Mingi.”

I didn’t expect him to laugh, and as I turned my head, he was already looking at me with an amused look on his face, covering his mouth as his laughter got louder for a second. My eyebrows furrowed, and I was about to say something less nice to him, but I realized my compliment sounded oddly similar to the one I had gotten from him back at the library. Despite fighting against the smile wanting to appear on my lips, I quickly let out a chuckle, our eyes with Mingi connecting. Despite the depth of the song and the somber atmosphere it created, Mingi seemed to be almost ecstatic as he shrugged, drumming his fingers against the wheel. Subconsciously, I nuzzled further into the collar of the denim jacket, the cologne stronger as I inhaled it, reminded that I was wearing Mingi’s jacket. I didn’t miss the way a fond smile appeared on his face for a few moments, quickly disappearing as he cleared his throat and looked ahead, pressing some other buttons on the dashboard.

“Thank you, getting a compliment from a fine arts genius certainly feels like I have won a Grammy or something.” I scoffed and rolled my eyes as Mingi chuckled, grinning at me for a second before he turned his body fully towards me, taking me off guard, “I wrote this song a long time ago, when—well, there’s nothing to hide here, when Yunho left for college. When I—remained alone at home, here in this town. Nothing was set in stone yet, to be honest, I had absolutely no idea what to do with my life back then. I was eighteen and I was confused and scared. The pressure of figuring out what you wanted to do with your life at such a young age was frightening and breaking me down, to be honest. I’ve always struggled mentally—you know, with depression and anxiety—and I think that period of time was the lowest I had ever been.”

I was soaking in every word Mingi was saying, mind silent and eyes focused on him, wanting to hear more as he continued talking, “Yunho was always the stronger one between the two of us and he always knew from a young age what he wanted to do, so when I realized I hadn’t planned my future ahead like him, I lost myself. And he—left, to college—in a different city. Hours away, leaving me all alone. I know I might sound dramatic, but I don’t deal well with change. I never have and I never will, I’m afraid. It took me almost a year to finally get used to living alone and sometimes I still struggle, it’s really frustrating. So you can imagine how badly I took my best friend, whom I have never been separated from before and we’ve known each other since kindergarten, leaving and abandoning me in the small town I have always hated and had no future in. I fell into deep depression and nothing was helping, like at all. Not even Yunho returning home out of the blue after two weeks of no contact on my part. When he saw the state I was in, we—we cried for hours, Y/N. It was horrible. I hate making him feel like that, because it wasn’t his fault, it was all mine.”

My eyebrows furrowed and my heart clenched upon hearing Mingi’s words, quietly letting out a breath which felt like it was restricting my lungs. In this moment, I heard my own thoughts and feelings in Mingi. His struggles and pain, I understood them. My fingers crushed the cup accidentally, but thankfully Mingi didn’t seem to notice as he took a deep breath and continued, “I wanted to kill myself. If Yuyu wouldn’t have come home in that exact moment—I don’t think we’d be having this conversation right now.”

My eyebrows furrowed and without really thinking, my left hand reached over the center console and I found myself gripping Mingi’s right hand, his skin so much hotter than mine. He bit his lower lip, eyebrows twitching as he averted his gaze all of a sudden, turning his hand upwards so that my fingers could slip over his palm. It was weird how easily my skin tingled at the contact; thoughts silent for once.

“He suggested I find a way of getting these thoughts and feelings out of myself. And after he left once again I knew I had to do something unless I planned on completely losing my mind, so…I took a pen and paper and started writing. Everything I felt, everything I thought. And miraculously, it worked. Slowly, of course, but it started working. I found a good therapist as well and suddenly I could see a way out of this dark cloud hung up around my head, fogging my thoughts up. I searched for a beat on YouTube and realized I could turn these thoughts and feelings into music. And they didn’t even sound bad, but what was most important was that I enjoyed doing it. I felt free, I felt like I could finally say anything I ever wanted. And I knew if this helped me, then it would help others as well, let them know they weren’t alone, and that you can go on even if it seems like you can’t. I wrote this song right before signing up to our university and sent it in as a sample. I was granted access to the studious a week later, and two weeks later accepted to the university. It’s probably one of my happiest memories, especially since Yunho surprised me that day by coming home and celebrating it with me.”

As Mingi was done talking, silence settled between the two of us. Comforting, understanding. I looked down at my lap, mind a whirlwind of thoughts all of a sudden, threatening to rush out at once. The sudden thumb sweeping against my knuckles made me slightly tense, realizing that I was completely holding hands with Mingi. My cheeks burned all of a sudden and my heart jumped, yet despite my thoughts telling me to pull my hand out of his, I didn’t move just yet. The feeling—wasn’t so bad.

“My sketchbook—the one you flipped through without my permission—” I sent Mingi a small glare as he snorted, cutting me off for a second, “is like my journal. I doddle in it daily, sometimes I even write little messages next to the sketches, noting down the things on my mind or just simply how my day went. When I draw, my mind is completely silent, I feel at ease. There’s nothing bothering me and I don’t have to worry in that moment of what the next line will illustrate or what the overall drawing will be. My thoughts are often too loud and I get overwhelmed by them, it’s hard to ignore them, you know? But by drawing, I can escape them and free myself even for a little while, it’s similar to what you must feel when you write music. Just letting go and releasing everything you feel.”

Mingi’s eyes were warm and soft as a small smile appeared on his lips, his skin suddenly burning mine and as my heartbeat showed no signs of slowing down, so, I carefully slipped my hand out of his, turning ahead and staring out at the pouring rain, feeling exposed and too small, “I understand what it must’ve felt like going through all of that. There was a time in my life, when—my whole world revolved around one person only and when—when he left, I thought I would die. I didn’t want to continue on living, to be completely honest. But with time, and thanks to my mother and Seulgi, I built myself back up. It’s fine now—I mean, I’m fine now.”

Mingi just hummed and I could feel his gaze on me as I leaned forward in the seat, rubbing my face as I felt fatigue settle over my whole being. At least I wasn’t shaking anymore, the car had warmed up significantly and my clothes weren’t sticking to my skin so violently anymore.

“Everyone has their story, Y/N.” Mingi spoke up, and I could hear the smile in his voice, “And it was very obvious to me that your attitude towards me is just a defense mechanism—”

“Oh, don’t get too cocky now that I’ve shared something so insignificant from my life.” I snapped as I turned my head, giving him a small glare. Mingi chuckled, holding his hands up in a way that said he wasn’t trying to attack me.

“I don’t think it’s insignificant—”

“Mingi.”

“Tell me something…” He trailed off and I sighed loudly, not in the mood to converse anymore. I wanted to go home, “Are those eyes really Yunho’s in your sketchbook? Because I really don’t think they are. I mean, I know what my own eyes like look and—”

“Whatever, they are yours, okay?” I snapped defensively as I crossed my arms in front of my chest, cutting Mingi off. I knew I should’ve never confessed to him that those were indeed his eyes, because now the shit eating grin he had on his lips and the way his eyes sparkled weren’t worth it. Not when my cheeks felt on fire, and I knew it wasn’t from the warmth inside the car.

“I knew it!” He said triumphantly, giggling a little, making me role my eyes.

“Just because you have pretty eyes doesn’t mean I’m in love with you.” I scoffed and suddenly Mingi froze, staring at me like I said something wrong. I raised my eyebrows at him in question.

“I never said you were in love with me.” Shit. I scoffed and rolled my eyes again, giving him a deadpan look.

“Very well, can’t have you thinking that now that you know those are your eyes.” Mingi laughed, again, as he playfully leaned towards me, making my glare deepen.

“So, you think I’m pretty?” He bit his lower lip and my brain blanked for a second as my eyes ran over his face quickly, taking in his features. Yes, he was very pretty—what the fuck?!

“Just because you have features which are easy to draw, Mingi, doesn’t mean I think you’re pretty. Have I told you already that you’re self-absorbed?” I raised my eyebrows mockingly as I clicked my tongue and Mingi chuckled as he faced forward, turning on the windshield wipers.

“Yes, quite a few times, actually.” I scoffed, putting on my seatbelt when I saw Mingi doing the same.

“Just take me home.” I muttered as I turned my head and looked out the window.

“Tell me your address first.” Mingi’s tone was playful as he turned on the stereo again, this time a channel of a radio playing music in Mingi’s vintage car as he slowly drove off.

After arriving home I had taken a very long and very hot shower, letting my body stay under the stream for a long time, probably making my mother think that I was drowning. I could feel my muscles finally relaxing, the shivers completely gone from my body as I dressed into my warmest pajamas once I got out of the shower, blow-drying my hair quickly, eager to get underneath my warm blanket. Thankfully my mother wasn’t angry at all by the time I got home, she was waiting for me with two mugs of hot chocolate with marshmallows, and a big hug. She didn’t want to tell me where her sudden affection was coming from, but she said she knew there was something wrong, and that I could go to her the next time I’m struggling. It’s funny how she always knows what the problem is, yet I don’t want to burden her furthermore with my own dramatic emotions.

After drinking the hot chocolate and having a laugh with my mother over the comedy show she was watching in her room, I finally retreated to my own room, under the oh, so warm blanket. I couldn’t help but sigh contently and nuzzle even further into the pillow under my head, grateful to be finally able to rest. But as if the Universe was out against me tonight—and it probably was hence the shitshow today was—sleep never came to me. I was beyond tired, yet I couldn’t sleep. I felt slightly restless, as if I had to do something and I wouldn’t be able to rest until I have done it—and that was drawing. The image in my head was begging for me to be released onto a blank canvas, but I wished it could wait until tomorrow—but it couldn’t, so, with a loud sigh, I sat up and turned on my lamp. The sketchbook was bigger than the one I use as a journal since I rarely use it outside of class, but for what I wanted to draw tonight I needed the bigger one. I flipped it open to a new page and grabbed my pencil, twirling it around my fingers as I sectioned the blank paper, searching for the right angle to start the drawing.

First, I settled on drawing the outlines with faded lines, the background not the most important but since it played a part in the spacing of the drawing, I had to start with that. I went and first did the outline of the car from the inside, adding shading to show where the streetlamps couldn’t reach as the car drove down the empty road, gloomy clouds raining down on us, making the roads slippery and reducing visibility, but Mingi was an attentive and calm driver as he hummed and nodded his head to the beat of the music playing on the radio. His jaw was set and eyes focused up front, on the road, eyebrows ever so slightly furrowed and lower lip quite often between his teeth as he bit into the supple flesh, his lips cherry colored and plump. His jawline long, and sharp; and cheekbones well defined, yet not too sharp; his brow bone more forward, giving him an intimidating look from the side with his eyebrows drawn together. His nose, tall, and long, and pointy—too pretty. I cleared my throat and shook my head, focusing on drawing the rest of Mingi’s features and willing my brain to shut up about whether Mingi was pretty or not—he wasn’t. I couldn’t help but draw the sunglasses he wore so hideously backwards, ruining his overall nice look, making me grimace as I darkened his hair by adding more shading to it. I illustrated the shadows falling over his face as well, his gaze slightly obscured from my view. His long fingers gripped the wheel tightly, the gemstones of his rings glinting whenever the light fell on it in a peculiar way, and I couldn’t help but recall the feeling of his skin against mine as drew the lines defining the muscle of his hands. Just as I went to draw his neck, my phone pinged, slightly startling me as it was loud. It was placed on my nightstand and I groaned as I had to lean over half of my bed to reach it. And as I took my phone into my hands, my heart skipped a beat.

I hate him: are u asleep?

I glanced at the clock and realized it would be soon midnight, I had to get this drawing done and then go to sleep as I had class early in the morning tomorrow. Besides, I didn’t want to talk to Mingi. Why was he texting me? Just because we shared a few sappy stories about ourselves doesn’t mean that we have suddenly become best friends, sharing even more life stories with each other—and most certainly Mingi had no business texting me this late at night. With a huff, I let my phone fall next to me as I continued to draw, focusing on my creation instead. Drawing the neck was easy and quick and I focused on adding little details to it instead, the silver chains he had hanging against his neck tonight, peeking through the collar of his black hoodie. I continued drawing the rest of his body, his arms and torso as well as I could as they weren’t too essential to the drawing as of now. I only wanted to draw Mingi’s profile as he drove, the darkness combined with the streetlamps casting beautiful shadows over his flawless face. But drawing Mingi, knowing that Mingi had texted me all of a sudden felt weird, and I sighed as I dropped my pencil, grabbing my phone again as I unlocked it. He had sent the message five minutes ago, that was enough time for him to fall asleep so even if I text him he’ll only see this in the morning and if he’ll answer I won’t have to text him back anymore—because I didn’t want to be texting with Mingi, at all.

Me: no. u?

As I went to close my phone, his reply came instantly, leaving me surprised. There goes my plan of Mingi being asleep and not having to talk to him tonight…

I hate him: nope, why aren’t u sleeping? Me: i can’t sleep. u?

I chewed on my bottom lip as I shuffled around for a second to be able to sit cross legged in my bed.

I hate him: yeah, same. the rain makes it hard for me to sleep…i hate rain, actually, especially the thunder.

I almost went ahead and typed back that I knew, but Mingi wasn’t supposed to know that. Mingi had no idea Yunho and I had dated back in highschool—Mingi had no idea how much I actually knew about him due to Yunho, and I intended on keeping that a secret from him. I didn’t want to wake up old ghosts in my heart which would bring pain once again.

Me: ig i’m fine with rain as long as i’m somewhere inside, but the humidity kills me. it’s the winter time i actually hate…i can’t deal with cold weather, i get easily sick…

I rubbed my forehead as I pressed send and sighed as I lowered my phone into my lap, suddenly aware of the weird butterflies in my stomach, making me almost nauseous. As I glanced back down at my phone, the three bubbles signaling that Mingi was typing back appeared, and I had to take a deep breath to settle my erratic heartbeat. What was happening? Why was my body reacting in such a weird way?

I hate him: oh, yeah, i totally get the winter thing as someone who loves dressing light. i feel like i am more myself in the summer time lol; my style rocks during the summer and then gets okay-ish during the winter, it’s sad actually…

I chuckled and smirked as I quickly typed back.

Me: why? cuz you can’t show off your biceps during the winter? I hate him: ha-ha aren’t u so funny tonight? Me: i’m always funny, mingi…

I couldn’t help but chuckle as I quickly sent the message despite Mingi still typing.

I hate him: u wish u were always funny, doll…if someone’s funny then that person is me, y/n Me: yeah, right, u wish, prince I hate him: aren’t u just in a delightful mood tonight, doll?

I scoffed but couldn’t fight off the amused smile from my lips.

Me: it’s all thanks to you, idiot I hate him: i think I prefer u calling me prince, actually… Me: u wish, idiot. I hate him: anyways, what’s your favorite season?

I raised an eyebrow as I read the text from Mingi.

Me: interesting question I hate him: well u said u didn’t like winter, so what do you like then? Me: not u, that’s for sure…

I couldn’t help but cackle at my own reply, feeling proud of myself over such little thing. I could imagine Mingi chuckling and shaking his head at it, perhaps glaring down at his phone.

Me: autumn or spring, really…not too cold nor too warm, in-between, just perfect u know?

There was a second of nothing until the bubbles popped up again, making me realize I was smiling down at my phone, so I quickly cleared my throat and got it together. There was nothing to be smiling at here.

I hate him: i get it, those seasons are really pretty…talking of pretty…do you really think i’m pretty?

I couldn’t help the loud scoff which left my lips at the same time as I rolled my eyes, very tempted to leave him on read and just go to sleep right then and there.

Me: i have already told you, mingi, i don’t think u are pretty because u a r e n ‘t, get it???

The reply was instant.

I hate him: hahahahahahaha; u are cute!

My body froze for a second, eyebrows furrowing as I reread his reply. What the fuck? Me? Cute? Yeah, sure, cute my ass—this idiot was testing my patience and kindness, once again.

Me: u’re disgusting, I’m blocking u I hate him: whatever u say, gorgeous, I know u a r e n ‘t!!!

My jaw clenched at the blatant mocking and I scoffed loudly as I looked ahead, glaring at nothing particular as my blood was boiling. He really thought I wouldn’t block him? There was nothing holding me back from doing so—suddenly the bubbles appeared again, and I looked down at my phone—just slightly curious.

I hate him: sorry if that was too much, i was just joking. i wanted to ask something all night, but i just didn’t know whether the timing was right or not or just whatever, but…are u okay? like…do you feel okay?

I gulped, my anger dissipating like it never even happened, leaving me confused. Was he now worried about me? Why would he be?

Me: i’m ok, why?

It took a little time for Mingi to answer, and it made me gulp as I read it.

I hate him: bcz your eyes were red when we met in front of the restrooms and idk…u just kinda felt off or smth…i just wanted to make sure. Me: i had a rough day, but i’m fine… thanks for asking ig… I hate him: ofc, anytime

Did he mean that? I couldn’t help but wonder. But there were so many things about Mingi that I didn’t know yet and…something changed tonight. I couldn’t completely hate him like before. The conversation we had in his car, the things he willingly shared with me were so personal and hard, yet he trusted me with them. I couldn’t help but feel good about it, thankful in a way, that despite my demeanor he still found me worthy of knowing about his past—of knowing of the backstory of said song we have listened to. I thought Mingi was all smirks and a cocky attitude, nothing in that empty and self-centered brain of his—yet he pretty much proved me wrong today, and for some reason I didn’t seem to mind too much. I couldn’t help but bite my lower lip as I looked down at my phone, realizing that it was past midnight now, I had to go to sleep.

Me: goodnight, i have classes early in the morning… I hate him: sweet dreams, y/n…see u at uni.

『I'm going out of frequency

Can anyone respond?

'Cause I'm going out of frequency

Can anyone respond?』

❱❱ Next chapter

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twopoppies · 1 month

Note

This...is craaaazy. 35 weeks behind schedule and they still tried to open 😳

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-68954947

What a fucking disaster.

People working behind the scenes at the troubled Co-op Live arena in Manchester have spoken of what they say were "chaotic" events leading up to the bungled opening of the venue.

Workers involved with the project spoke on condition of anonymity as they did not have permission to speak out. They told the BBC:

Parts of the £365m venue were in a state of disarray less than 24 hours before the arena was supposed to open earlier this week

Staff were left in tears after they were forced to call off American rapper A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie's gig at the last minute due to safety fears

Naming rights partner Co-op Group has flagged a "critical" risk of reputational damage to the wider Co-op brand

Construction staff at the venue warned others back in February that works were as much as 35 weeks behind schedule

Co-op Live was heralded as a "world-class arena" that "Manchester deserves" by Tim Leiweke, the American businessman leading the project, in an interview with the BBC last month.

But "the perfect building" Mr Leiweke promised soon suffered fundamental setbacks, with a series of high-profile acts - including Take That and Olivia Rodrigo - having their shows cancelled or postponed at the last minute to the bewilderment and frustration of performers, ticket-holders and staff.

Mr Leiweke has since apologised, and a Co-op Live spokesperson told the BBC events had been paused "to ensure the safety and security of fans and artists visiting the venue".

One staff member, hired as a "premium host" in the venue's VIP rooms, told the BBC she was in the building on Tuesday evening - fewer than 24 hours before the venue's debut performance by A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie was due to begin.

She said: "I think we were very sceptical: that was my first time in the arena and it did not look ready at all... They're doing everything with crossed fingers: it's a bit chaotic."

'Wires hanging down'

The VIP rooms were still "full of cardboard boxes", the woman said.

"They weren't done - there's loads of final bits [unfinished]. It was filled with workmen who were all still so busy doing random checks here and there, average safety checks... there were loads of wires hanging down."

She said some stairways also seemed incomplete. "There were wires everywhere and exposed lighting on the floor. It looked very messy. There were gaps in the stairs... it looked like a work in progress."

The woman, who has been employed on a casual contract, said staff members are still paid part of their wage if their shift is cancelled at short notice. Staff who are on site when a shift is cancelled are paid in full, a spokesperson for the venue said.

Meanwhile, another member of staff, this time working in an operations role at the venue, said: "The root cause of all the problems is coming from the building, not the operations. From an outside perspective, people presume it's being run badly."

"In reality we have a building that isn't ready, and we're being told it is ready - then things happen out of the blue that cause cancellations", they said.

[…]

The staff member said most public-facing areas of the building are complete - although the offices on the top floor and some premium areas of the building remain "unfinished".

As of Thursday evening, the dining area in the exclusive Amp Club has "no fixtures, no fittings, no tables there - it's just a shell," they said.

[…]

"People don't know that OVG [the Oak View Group] own the venue - they just see the Co-op brand," a staff member at the Co-op Group said.

On a site visit in February, the Co-op Group employee said they were told by construction workers the project was running 35 weeks behind schedule, in part due to delays with crane equipment.

"The Co-op's really disappointed with OVG's constant delays," the employee said.

Full article here

#co-op live #oak view group #Irving Azoff

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youcouldmakealife · 7 months

Text

LBTE: Jared (122-124)

In which Jared and Bryce think they can interact in public without Gabe figuring out they're married, and Chaz Rossi would like to die.

If you want to follow along, the series page is here.

122. Subterfuge

Jared goes to dinner at Gabe and Stephen’s, and it’s nice. Well, nice might not be the right word — Gabe is totally right about the similarities between Jared and Stephen, and if he makes people feel as nervous that he’s judging them fiercely as he feels nervous that Stephen’s judging him fiercely, he is officially sorry.

Those poor Canucks rookies.

Not sorry enough to stop — he doesn’t even think he’s capable of that —

Those poor, poor Canucks rookies.

It’s nice. Would be even nicer if it was the kind of thing him and Bryce could do together, but he knows Bryce isn’t ready for it, and honestly he’s just happy Bryce is willing to meet Gabe at all, even if it’s not as Jared’s husband.

Like, one, progress, but also: hahaha you guys think you can pull this off.

Wins are hard enough to come by for the Oilers without the salt in the wound of a former player getting the game-winner and the insurance goal.

I would like everyone to enjoy the thought of an absolutely incensed Deslauriers during that game.

Neither of the goals against the Oilers were milestones, technically, but Gabe fished the first puck out of the net anyway, got their trainer Dillon to write ‘1st career goal against the Oilers’ on it

Gabe’s such a good A, truly. Would have done that for any of his guys.

If he isn’t careful he’s going to be grinning wide enough to split his face, and that would probably tip Gabe off.

They STILL think they can pull this off.

“My friend Chaz,” Jared says. “He was my linemate on the Hitmen. And um. Chaz’s teammate Bryce is going to be joining in a bit.”

“Nice to meet you,” Gabe says, and when all the introduction pleasantries are over Chaz gives Jared a completely disgusted look.

The way Jared low-key made it sound like Chaz went ‘hey, is it cool if my friend Bryce comes too?’. Chaz is beside himself. Why did he agree to this. (He did it for the lolz. But now that the day has arrived, he is not, in fact, loling)

They talk Juniors for a bit, Gabe telling them about his time with the Knights. He roomed with the captain of the Panthers, which is kind of crazy.

Hi Jake! And love Jared still low-key fanboying players.

“Hey,” Bryce says when he gets to the table, posture almost as awkward as it is when he’s got a mic in his face. “Jared. Long time no see.”

“Yeah,” Jared says. “Um. Nice to see you again.”

Chaz wants to die.

Dinner’s awkward. Well, he doesn’t think dinner’s actually awkward from Gabe’s perspective, at least he hopes not? But it’s honestly all Jared can do not to text Bryce under the table to meet him in the bathroom so he can just hug him, not even do anything else

The only thing more uncomfortable than third-wheeling a couple eye-fucking is a couple eye-desperately-clinging-to-one-another-for-dear-life-ing.

The only thing holding Chaz together right now is the group chat. Also the fact Gabe CLEARLY has figured it out so every extra moment of this is a shared suffering, as he now has a fourth wheel.

Jared would make a good spy, he thinks.

Oh my god, Jared.

“So,” Jared says, trying to think of something to say that isn’t ‘finish your beer, Gabe’. “Chaz. Known him for years.”

He is squirming in his seat he wants to leave so badly, and he is very red, and his fake casual voice is extremely stilted. Gabe is feeling deeply fond of him right now.

Gabe takes a sip of beer. It isn’t a big enough sip, in Jared’s opinion.

SQUIRMING. And Gabe’s been with Stephen long enough that he might just be taking his time because it’s hilarious.

“You know you can just tell me you’re married, though.”

“I did?” Jared says.

“I mean to Bryce,” Gabe says.

He’s still Gabe, though, so he doesn’t torture him with it too long.

“You’re both wearing wedding rings,” Gabe says. “Like, matching ones.”

“All wedding rings pretty much look the same,” Jared says.

Gabe raises an eyebrow at him.

“And I know he’s from Vancouver, because that always comes up when we play the Flames,” Gabe says. “And I know that you’re living with your mother-in-law right now.”

“That could be a coincidence?” Jared says weakly.

“Also you haven’t stopped looking at each other all night,” Gabe says. “And not glances or anything, that was full on—”

There is deductive reasoning happening here, but even if Gabe hadn’t noticed any of the other things, the eye pining would have done it. It was not subtle.

What’s he going to say? ‘No, he’s not my husband, I actually spent all dinner eye-fucking a dude who isn’t my husband’? That’s objectively much worse than eye-fucking your own husband, which Jared is morally and legally entitled to do.

It is Jared’s RIGHT and his DUTY.

“Um,” Jared tries, but he’s mostly blank. He’s not great at making excuses at the best of times, and definitely not when he’s been called out and has no proper defence on hand. He would, in fact, make a terrible spy.

I do appreciate that after Jared makes objectively absurd statements he’s often the first to acknowledge that they are, in fact, absurd statements. (Sometimes because they’re only occurring in his head, because fuck knows all his friends would burst out laughing if Jared made the mistake of saying ‘I think I’d make a good spy’ out loud)

“Totally get that,” Gabe says. “I’ve uh. I’ve heard some stuff about him—”

Great. Terrific. Jared’s very favourite topic.

“Before you say anything, he was like — all of that was before we got together,” Jared says. “And he was young and — the shit the media says about him—”

Gabe puts his hands up. Which means they’re off his beer, but Jared thinks he’s been given permission to book it, so that’s okay. “I didn’t mean it accusingly. You know your relationship better than anyone else.”

Couple fun things here — including Jared’s continued hawk eye on Gabe’s drinking speed — but yeah, Jared misinterprets Gabe a LOT at the beginning because Gabe is almost TOO nice, and Jared reads into things that aren’t actually meant any way other than Gabe said it? And here’s another incidence of it — if Jared had let Gabe finish his message it was assuring Jared ‘I vaguely read some shit but I don’t put stock in rumours and media and Bryce has a clean slate with me’. Basically.

“Hey Jared?” Gabe asks.

“Yeah?” Jared says.

“Nice,” Gabe says.

Look man this guy is common-law married to Stephen Petersen and longtime-liney married to Dmitry Kurmazov, he has to have a little bit of troll in him.

Gabe shoos him off, and it’s kind of embarrassing, the speed Jared leaves that restaurant.

Gabe describes this as, and I quote, ‘speed-walking like a snowbird in Florida on a grimly determined constitutional’

(If anyone’s unfamiliar with the term: snowbirds are people, generally retirees, from northern climes, especially Canada (especially ESPECIALLY Quebec) and sometimes the Northeastern US, who spend their winters in warmer climates. They fly south for the winter, like migratory birds. Florida is a particularly popular destination for snowbirds.)

A constitutional is walking (to aid one’s constitution). It’s dated as fuck anywhere outside like, Victorian fiction. I love Gabe.

123. Quiet Night In

Jared is vaguely out of breath when he reaches his apartment, which might say something bad about his cardiovascular fitness. Or, more realistically, it says something embarrassing about the speed he made it home, considering he’s fit enough to handle second line minutes in a damn hockey game.

Snow birded the whole way home, but I think the anticipation have something to do with the shortness of breath.

He takes a moment in front of the door, partly trying to find his key — he’s got way too many on his keychain now — but also so he doesn’t barge in looking like a complete idiot, not that he thinks Bryce would mind, or like, even notice.

Jared has finally accepted how rosy Bryce’s glasses are when it comes to him.

“You’re home early,” Bryce says, and glances at Chaz, in a way Jared can totally see is a ‘Jared’s home, get the hell out of our apartment so we can hug and then fuck’ look, though Chaz appears not to notice.

Chaz notices. Chaz is ignoring it, because it is rude to give that look to your guest.

“He sort of figured out we’re married,” Jared says. “Something about the matching wedding rings and you being from Richmond and the fact we wouldn’t stop staring at each other the whole time.”

There was pining. There was yearning.

“He said he won’t tell anyone,” Jared says. He’ll save the addition of ‘and complimented me on my impeccable taste in men’ for when Chaz is gone. Which should be soon.

“Okay,” Bryce says, and glances over at Chaz again.

The looks they’re both giving Chaz right now almost make dinner subtle in comparison.

“Out of my house,” Jared says. “Now.”

“I’m literally putting my shoes on right now,” Chaz says. “What more do you want from me?”

“Put them on in the hall,” Jared says.

Jared is actually the worst.

“I missed this bed,” Jared says.

“You have the same one at my mom’s,” Bryce says.

“It’s not the same,” Jared says.

“Because I’m not in it?” Bryce says.

Well, also because this one just seems to know Jared’s body, but —

“Yeah,” Jared says. “Pretty much.”

Good use of your brain-to-mouth filter, Jared, you should do it more often.

“Gabe,” Bryce says.

“Oh,” Jared says, suddenly wide awake thanks to the rush of absolute mortification that runs through his body. Bryce was a great distraction from it, but he suspects that conversation is going to occasionally leap at him right when he’s falling asleep for like, the rest of his life.

Jared is so lucky it was Gabe that happened with, and not literally any other person, who would torture him with it for life, as is their right and their duty.

“No,” Jared says.

“But,” Bryce says.

“Wait your turn,” Jared says, doing his best to ignore Bryce looking sadly at him through the glass.

“But I missed you,” Bryce says plaintively.

Tragic. Heartbreaking. About to break Jared’s fragile anti-shower sex agenda.

124. Hospitality

“May the best team win tonight, hey?” his dad says. Erin’s in a Canucks jersey — Jared’s genuinely surprised she isn’t wearing his old Oilers one to troll both him and everyone in the arena, mom must have threatened her or something — but his dad isn’t, is wearing one from Jared’s Hitmen era.

Jared eyes him and his very Calgarian jersey. “That sounds mature of you,” he says.

Jared is correct about his sister, and his suspicions about his father are also correct, because they’re a bunch of gremlins.

“Dad’s very mature now, Jared,” Erin says. “He’s grown up a lot since you went to Vancouver.”

I love Erin.

“You want the Flames to win tonight, don’t you?” Jared guesses.

“You’re a lock!” his dad says. “The Canucks are making the postseason no matter what! The Flames need this game!”

“Don,” his mom says.

“I’m just saying that one team needs this game more than the other team does,” his dad mutters.

“You want Bryce to beat me tonight,” Jared says. “Like — just to be clear, you want Bryce to beat me? You want your only son to lose this game to Bryce Marcus. Bryce Marcus.”

“Fuck off,” his dad mutters.

“Don!” his mom says.

Jared can’t stop grinning. “I’m really proud of you, dad,” he says.

Simultaneously character growth and character regression because Don Matheson, everyone.

They look all — familial, Jared guesses? Like Elaine’s officially part of the family now, like there’s a Marcus-Matheson tribe. She’s probably going out with them before the game, sticking around after Jared flies out, staying in his and Bryce’s guest room, her and Bryce going to his parents’ place for dinner, eating his dad’s food while all the Mathesons pretend to be nice people for the length of her visit.

At a certain point is it still pretending, or do the Mathesons become nice people when Elaine’s around?

It’s weird how that makes Jared happier than it does like, left out? But good, he guesses. Like, he’ll probably end up sulking about not getting to stick around and eat his dad’s cooking and watch his family pretend they aren’t evil so that they don’t scare Elaine away, but the fact that they’re doing it even when Jared isn’t there, that they want to hang out is — nice. Nice in the same way seeing pictures of Bryce and Chaz and Ash hanging out together makes Jared feel — grateful it’s happening even if he can’t be there.

Jared feels selfless happiness for others and is confused by it.

They’re all chirping him, but Julius’ text is straight up mean. Jared sends back a mean one of his own, and in response Julius gets even meaner. It’s making Jared feel a little better.

Look at Julius knowing exactly what Jared needs.

miss you already Bryce texts, just after Jared replies to a text from Julius saying he hopes the Canucks make it to the Conference Finals. Which sounds nice, but Jared totally knows he means ‘and so do the Flames so you have to play against your husband, bitch’.

It means exactly that. Though Jared added the ‘bitch’ himself.

Soft, Jared replies, but can’t help but add a You too, because he’s also soft, he guesses. But only for Bryce. Julius is getting another mean text.

The duality of Jared.

“Kind of surprised you didn’t figure it out sooner,” Stephen says. “It was all over hockey news when it happened.”

“I was pretty much just following the Flames and playing my own game back then,” Jared says. “Also I was like, twelve?”

This was the meanest thing Jared could say and he wasn’t even trying.

“You’re a baby,” Stephen says.

“Hey,” Jared says.

“An infant,” Stephen says. “Maybe a toddler.”

“I am not a toddler,” Jared says.

“Kindergarten at most,” Stephen says.

Look how fast Jared’s growing!

“Twenty-one,” Stephen mutters. “Jesus christ.”

“Does it help that Bryce is twenty-four?” Jared asks.

“Does it—” Stephen says. “He’s twenty-four? You met — you were a baby.”

Jared is suddenly aware that it does not help that Bryce is twenty-four.

You would think at some point Jared would learn this, but you would be wrong.

“Do I need to call your mother?” Stephen asks.

“Stephen,” Gabe says.

“I’m calling your mother,” Stephen says. “What’s her number.”

As much as Gabe and Stephen never want Jared to meet their parents? Jared is suddenly just as intent that Stephen never meets his father. He feels like it wouldn’t go well for him.

“Stephen,” Gabe says. “Stop, he looks petrified.”

“I know,” Stephen says. “It’s hilarious.”

Jared can only DREAM of becoming Stephen Petersen one day.

#liveblogging the end

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adidastain · 5 months

Text

love to hate you

90s matt stone x fem!reader (named Sadie)

warnings: arguing, suggestive themes if you squint really hard

notes: first person perspective (I, me, my, etc.), this is part one of a series mwahaha cliffhanger

word count: 2539

—

The time was 7:54 PM. That marked six hours since I’d last sat down.

It got to the point where I could barely move more than three feet in any direction. I was perched next to the camera, watching each take while the director spectated from the monitor, just a few feet away.

We were on Take #5 of the second shot of the entire scene. I knew at this rate, we would still be here shooting the tail end of this scene at 9 o’clock. But Trey was picky, and it was my job to make sure he got what he wanted out of each take.

“Cut!” he shouted, exhaling heavily. I trudged over to where he was standing, keeping my back straight so as to not look so tired in front of all my colleagues.

“What do you think?” I asked him, standing at his side just a few inches away. Trey stared into space, gnawing on his fingernail as he thought deeply.

“What’s the time looking like?” he asked me, words muffled by his hand.

“We should wrap up this scene by 9 and be done for the night,” I sighed.

He stood in silence, staring at the actors on set as they waited for his call.

“Okay,” he sighed. “Let’s move on.”

“Moving on!” I echoed. Thank God. Trey walked onto the set, standing in front of the actors to explain what he wanted for the next shot.

I moved as quickly as I could over to the table off to the side, grabbing a water bottle for myself and chugging it. I so badly wanted to sit down for just a minute, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t going to let myself.

“What’s going on?” I heard a voice behind me. I turned my head, seeing our producer with his big silver glasses and curly hair, towering over me. He had his skinny, muscular arms crossed over his broad chest. He was obviously peeved.

“Setting up the next shot. Where have you been?” I asked, subtly leaning against the table. Matt and I didn’t really get along most days. We didn’t get along at all, actually. I didn’t really understand why, but as long as he stayed out of my way, I couldn’t care less what he thought of me.

“Signing your checks,” he spat. I turned my back to him, walking away towards the set. I approached the cinematographer, before Matt put his hand on my shoulder to prevent me from moving any further.

“Did we get the shot?” Matt asked me, raising his eyebrows.

“What does it look like?” I hissed, gesturing to our surroundings. I turned my back to him again to help the camera crew move around.

Matt disappeared shortly after. For someone who was nowhere to be found during rehearsals and shooting, he cared an awful lot about what I was doing. I knew he was busy with scheduling and budget stuff, but he was Trey’s right hand man on most of their projects, so it didn’t make sense why he wouldn’t make time to see it all happening.

Perhaps that’s why he was always up my ass on set. Even then, he had no reason to get such an attitude when talking to me. So many people told me how professional he was on set before I started shooting with them; if he was so professional, then only God might know why he treated me the way he did.

While I waited for Trey to finish running a rehearsal for the camera, I kept a close eye on the time. 9 o’clock was a huge stretch at this point. Granted, we did make a lot of progress for one day.

I noticed Matt talking to a lady in the corner. She looked professional; she had on a black blazer and held a binder tucked underneath her arm. I stared for a moment, thinking about what they could be talking about. It was almost quiet enough to hear, since all the buzz from PAs and crew members had died down for the rehearsal. Matt was leaning down slightly so he could hear whatever the woman was saying. He was… looking at me.

I looked away. Are they talking about me? God. He better not be saying anything bad. I was good at my job and he knew it. I knew it.

Soon, we called for quiet, and we were back to shooting. Trey opted to do a continuous take and have actors run their lines multiple times, so they could just pick up if they forgot. The scene was almost three pages long, so there was a lot of dialogue and no doubt that they would slip up.

And of course, as expected, one of the actors called for a line a few times. I was actually really happy. Doing a single continuous take would save us so much time.

After we wrapped up the shot, Trey called for everyone to take five.

“‘Scuse me,” I heard a voice next to me. It was the lady that Matt was talking to just a few minutes ago.

“How can I help you?” I asked, giving her a smile.

“Can you come with me for a moment?” she asked.

I followed her to an empty portion of the room where most of the gear was camping out, waiting to be used. Matt was standing there next to a door to another room.

“It would seem that you and Mr. Stone have been having some problems, no?” she said, gesturing towards Matt. He stared me down, chewing on the inside of his cheek. I felt my body burning under his angry and slightly intimidating gaze.

“I guess,” I said. “I’m not sure why.”

“Me neither,” she said, sporting a fake smile. I could see now how caked her makeup was when her skin wrinkled with her grin. “Care to explain, Mr. Stone?”

I was honestly shocked. I guess she was acting in my defense. Perhaps his unprofessionalism stood out to her; I realized that she was probably a supervisor from a big production company.

“I think Sadie is slowing down production. That’s all,” he said calmly. I hated the way his voice sounded. It was deep and nasally and he always had such a snobby tone.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” I argued, furrowing my eyebrows. “My job is to keep things moving. We would’ve been stuck shooting that same shot over and over if I hadn’t said anything.”

“Well if you would just let Trey get what he wants, we wouldn’t have to take time every day to reshoot scenes from the day before,” Matt said, raising his eyebrows.

“There’s clearly a misunderstanding here,” the lady huffed, rubbing her temples. “I want you two to work it out between yourselves. Right now. Personally, I’m embarrassed for you. Fix it.”

Matt sighed, looking down at his feet. I laughed on the inside.

The woman took a step closer to me to whisper, “I don’t know what his problem is. I think you’ve been doing just fine. But the way you’re reacting to him isn’t helping anybody in this situation, so figure it out.”

I nodded. She walked away, leaving the space between Matt and I filled with nothing but silence and tension. His glare was throwing daggers at me. I couldn’t lie and say that he wasn’t scary most of the time. I swallowed, trying my best to keep it subtle so he wouldn’t notice.

“So what’s your deal?” I asked calmly, shifting my weight from one heal to the other.

“I told you what my deal is,” he said. He licked his lips. “Not very good at listening, are you?”

“Did I say or do something that’s been affecting you outside of work?” I said, laughing. I was truly at a loss for words. What on Earth could I have done to make him hate me so much? I’m not friends with anyone in the cast or crew outside of shooting, so why did it matter? Trey seemed to be fine with me. Maybe Matt was jealous?

“You’re fucking up our project, Sadie,” he hissed. “Not to mention you just fucking humiliated me in front of the exec from Universal!”

My jaw dropped open. He sounded like such an idiot. I humiliated him? “You started it! I was just doing my fucking job, Matt!” I exclaimed, keeping my voice as hushed as possible. “When have I ever gotten in your way, hm? Give me an example. Go ahead.”

“Every single day,” he laughed. “You won’t let Trey just do his thing. This thing’s gonna turn out to be shit by the time we’re done and it’s gonna be your fault.”

“Who hired me, Matt? I wanna know,” I said. He hired me. I knew that. He knew that. “I think you ought to have a strong word with him. He looks like an idiot right now.”

“You’re lucky you were even considered,” he said. Matt crossed his arms and leaned closer. “You don’t have shit in your portfolio.”

“If you don’t back off and let me do my job, there’s only gonna be more shit,” I said lowly, gritting my teeth.

“That won’t happen. Don’t forget who signs your checks, sweetheart,” he growled.

He was just a few inches away from me now. At this point I could feel his breath covering my face.

“Fire me,” I said, narrowing my eyes. “If I’m such a nuisance to this project, fire me.”

“Alright, then. Leave.”

“Say ‘you’re fired,’” I instructed.

“Get the fuck out of here,” he said, laughing softly. “Be my guest.”

“You’re scared, Matt. I know you are. I can see it in your eyes,” I grinned. “You’re scared you’re gonna look bad in front of the execs for firing me without reason, hm? Say it.”

“You’re fucking fired,” he said, raising his voice. He had no need to; my face was less than a foot away from his. I jumped slightly, not expecting the sheer volume with which he spoke.

The entire set went quiet for a brief moment. I felt my face start to burn as I realized that every single person in the building probably heard that. Now I felt like an idiot. Matt leaned away from me, crossing his arms and staring me down. I could see a smirk curling on the side of his lip. Never in my professional career did I want to hit anyone more than I did in that moment.

I swallowed back tears, trying to compose myself before I actually turned to walk out. I could see Matt’s broad, muscular chest rising and falling rapidly. Perhaps he felt a rush of adrenaline for finally putting me in my place.

“Good luck finishing this scene by the end of the hour without my help,” I muttered, ramming my shoulder into his body as I pushed past him to get through the exit.

I grabbed my backpack from the hallway and stormed outside. Of course, it was raining. How cliche.

Once I was in the safety and quiet of my car, I burst into tears. I couldn’t believe that asshole actually fired me. I know I encouraged him to do it, but I didn’t think he actually would. He was so fucking confusing all the time; I trusted my judgement and my judgement was wrong.

I put on a crewneck over the tank top I was wearing as I tried to take deep breaths and calm down. I was confident that they wouldn’t get the rest of shooting done within the next two weeks without my help. Fine, they could suffer all they wanted. They only had one person to blame and it sure as Hell wasn’t me.

Just to make my life even better, the location of the set was a good forty minutes away from where I lived, so the drive home sucked. It was late, I was exhausted, I was cold, it was raining, Matt was an asshole, Trey was probably in shambles. The whole sundae with the whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and the cherry on top.

It was well after 9 PM when I got home. I looked at the clock in my kitchen and wondered if they’d finished filming as I watched the second hand tick. Whatever. I shouldn’t care.

I set all my stuff down in my bedroom and turned the water on for a hot shower. I felt really gross, from sweat, tears, snot, and rain water. I thought about the Universal lady giving Matt a verbal beating about his unprofessionalism. The thought made me smile as I got undressed and stepped into the shower, every bit of tension and stress in my body melting away as the hot water poured over my skin.

I pictured his face turning red with embarrassment as she told him how immature and unprofessional he was. Call it cruel, but imagining him getting verbally beaten by a big company really relieved my stress.

My mind circled back to our dispute from before I left. I didn’t understand why he got so fucking angry at me for no apparent reason. Maybe after I started teasing him, sure, but before? I was defending myself. If he was so worried about me sabotaging his and Trey’s project, then he was far from ready for working in Hollywood.

It was ridiculous, honestly. I couldn’t even do anything to ruin the creative aspect of the film with the position I held. I was the 1st Assistant Director, for God’s sake. All I was there to do was prevent people from wasting time and keep things moving. I couldn’t fathom what Matt would have had such a major fucking problem with.

I found myself less relaxed again. Weirdly, I wondered what Matt was doing right now. Maybe he was getting scolded by the exec, maybe he was getting scolded by Trey. They’d probably (hopefully) finished loading out by now, so maybe he was driving. Maybe he was in the shower too. Maybe he fell asleep at the wheel and drove off a cliff and ended up in a fiery car crash on a remote beach. Maybe they were still filming. Maybe he was in the shower, washing his hair or his body, just like I was…

I cringed and turned the water off, ringing my hair out. I shook my arms and legs and stepped out of the shower, quickly grabbing my towel and smothering my head with it. Matt had been on my mind the entire night since I left, but truthfully, I didn’t care that much. I was way too tired and honestly relieved to not have to get up at 6 AM the following morning and film for another 15 hours again. I smeared the rough fabric all over my body as I walked down the hall to my room.

That’s when my doorbell rang.

I froze. What time is it? Who the fuck could possibly at my door this late anyway?

I ran to my room, throwing on a baggy T-shirt and some fuzzy pajama shorts and running over to my door to peer through the peephole.

A loud groan escaped me when I saw who it was.

The last person I wanted to see at my door at any hour of the day, let alone past 10 PM.

#i feel like you can see the shift in my writing halfway through #i worked on this for an hour and then stopped for two hours #then finished it #i like it tho i guess i’m excited to write a series :3 #stay tuned #fanfiction #fluff #matt stone #x reader #baseketball #fem reader #smut #cannibal the musical #matt stone x reader #mattrey #enemies to lovers #fanfic series #angst

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jawritter · 1 year

Text

Carry On

Chapter 27

Summary: It was just a simple hunt, found on a pie festival. It was supposed to be easy. Something they’d all done one hundred and one times a million. No one could have told Y/N, Dean, and Sam that nothing from that point on would ever be the same again.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader x Sam Winchester

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: Shit’s a bit tense....

Due to the graphic nature of this fic, and the fact that it will eventually contain Smut. This fic is an 18 + only fic! If you’re under 18 DO NOT read this fic!

A/N: This fic is beta’d by @kazsrm67 Thanks so much love! Please do not copy my work! Feedback is golden! I hope you all enjoy this ride with me!

My Mastlist Series Masterlist

Y/N took a deep breath as she trudged her way through the kitchen and into the utility room where there had been an air mattress set up for Dean and herself. Her hands were shaking, and she was more than a little sick to her stomach. Of all the shit they would have their first fight about, it would be this, and on the weekend that they were due to go and meet his nephew.

She wasn’t ignorant that some of this WAS her fault. She could have at least mentioned the fact that she was on birth control. It wasn’t like Dean was with her every waking second of the day anymore; in hindsight it would have been something very easy to miss. She just didn’t think about telling him, it wasn’t like it was something she was hiding from him. It was just legitimately something that didn’t cross her mind. She was more of a caretaker than girlfriend for so long. Sex wasn’t something that was the primary focus. When it did happen, and the progressive year to come, she was caught up in life. She was focused on fixing the house, getting Dean’s shop all lined up. It wasn’t something that even crossed her mind, and she felt more than a little horrible that she didn’t think about the fact that it had crossed his.

She also knew that the silent treatment that she’d been giving him all day was probably also a mistake. She let her own anger at him and her emotions get the better of her. She let hurt do the talking, or lack thereof; instead of opening up to him, accepting his apology, and working together to move past this like she should have. Now, she was afraid she’d hurt him even worse.

When she finally got the nerve up to sit down in the room that was their makeshift bedroom, she found Dean, laying on his back, fists balled up, eyes shut tight, and jaw set firmly.

Slowly, Y/N made her way over to the air mattress, and sank down on it, careful not to jostle him, because he looked more than a little uncomfortable. “Dean?” she ventured, and even though she barely said his name above a whisper, his green orbs shot open like someone had fired a gun at him, and he turned to face her like he was shocked she spoke to him at all. “Are you okay?”

Dean’s eyes closed tightly again, and a single tear rolled down his face. “Not really,” he admitted, and she had to fight against the ‘caregiver flight or fight instinct’ that screamed for her to rip him up, panic, and take him to the nearest hospital. “My back is killing me, and I just want to go home.”

“Do you need to go to the hospital?” Y/N questioned, still worried because of the tumble he took earlier that day. It was as if she had to ask or she might burst. Dean just shook his head without opening his eyes or even bothering to look in her direction, which she found concerning. Usually, he would do that when he didn’t want her to know just how badly he was hurting.

“No,” he said after a while. “I just… this mattress and laying on the floor isn’t as easy as it used to be before the accident. Once the pain pills kick in, and I get some sleep, I’ll be fine.”

Everything, every fiber in her being, wanted to gather him up off of that floor, load him up in Baby, and take him to a hotel where he could at least lay down in a bed. It never crossed her mind that he wouldn’t be able to do this anymore. They’d all slept in some pretty strange places while hunting. An air mattress would have been like a fucking California King pillowtop for him at one point; but now, after his injuries, his body was different, and things didn’t come as easy as they used too, but he kept it hidden so well, that it was easy to forget.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted suddenly, his voice strained as he attempted to make himself a little more comfortable. “I don’t know how else to say it, or what to say to make what I said to you any better, other than I’m really sorry. I was wrong. I already told you all of that. But judging by the silent treatment you’ve given me all day, and the fact that you’re only talking to me now because you can tell I’m uncomfortable, tells me you’re still mad at me, and I don’t know how to fix it, but I’m trying.”

“It’s not just you Dean, it’s me too. I should have talked to you. Hell, I should have said something to you a year ago. We’re both at fault. Neither of us reacted the way we should have, neither of us communicated the way we should have. It was both our fault, and it wasn’t fair for me to shut you out the way I did.”

Dean shifted again, still uncomfortable, and she wished she could just fix it for him. Just take all the pain and discomfort away.

“Do you want too… you know… try to have a kid with me?” Dean questioned, keeping his gaze focused on the blanket in his balled-up fist. She could almost feel the tension in the room suddenly escalate to an alarming rate. “I mean, I would totally understand if you don’t. I wouldn’t be upset or anything.”

That was a lie, Y/N could tell by how tense he was that this was something his heart was set on. Still, ever true to his own destructive nature, the man would swallow whatever it was he wanted as long as others around him were happy. Always with the self-sacrificing of his own happiness.

“I wouldn’t mind it. I’ve never really thought about it honestly. The life we lived up until now… it really didn’t ever cross my mind that this could be possible. But now? We’re stable. All of heaven and hell aren’t after our asses. Things are going pretty good. So why not? I could totally get used to a little Dean Winchester running around.”

Dean sat himself up slightly, giving up completely on trying to get comfortable and finally met her gaze. She could see it now. The tiredness, the tension in his broad shoulders. The way he almost seemed like a dog that had been kicked too often as he stared back at her with almost doe like eyes. Like a deer caught in headlights that she even agreed to try and have a child with him.

It really made her sick to think that so often and for so long Dean had given up on the things he deserved in life; a home, a job, a family of his own, that he thought he deserved to not have those things. So it totally takes him by surprise to even think that someone would want to have them with him, and want all good things for him, instead of what they can use him for, and what he can do for them.

“Really?” he questioned. “Do you really mean that or are you just saying that on my account? Because if you don’t really want this with me- I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

“Dean Winchester,” Y/N sighed in aspiration. “You of all people should know by now that if I don’t want to do something, there’s no force in hell or earth that can make me do it. You aren’t twisting my arm to do anything that I don’t want to do. I WANT a family with you Dean. There’s nothing attached to that. No hidden agendas. It’s the truth. If you want to try, I’m down with whatever happens. If it’s not meant to be, and we never have a baby, that’s fine. If we do, great. But I would love to start a family with you. White picket fence, we already have the dog and the house. Soccer games and school functions. The whole bit. I’ll be a total suburban mom. Minivan and all.”

Dean smiled in spite of himself.

“You know I could totally see you rocking the whole minivan thing,” Dean chuckled softly.

Then just as quickly as it started, the moment faded, and he was looking off into the distance with a strange look on his face. She wondered what it was he was seeing, what it was that had suddenly popped up to bother him all at once like that, and every time he did something like this, it sent her anxiety through the ceiling. Like it or not, there were some monsters she couldn’t chase away, and those were usually the ones that reared their ugly head from his past.

Y/N reached for his hand, uncurling it with surprisingly little resistance judging by the death grip he still had on the comforter.

“Hey,” she said, grabbing his attention. “Next time, let’s talk about things like this with one another, instead of avoiding it and ending up in a fight. I hate fighting with you Dean. I really, really do. More than anything, I don’t want to see you hurt over something that could have been easily fixed over a conversation. Again, I take half the blame for this one, but please, next time, talk to me.”

“Okay,” Dean agreed with a heavy sigh, before turning and looking back at the pile of pillows behind him.

“Are you gonna be able to do this?” Y/N questioned with a nod towards his pillow pile. Dean’s lips formed a thin line and she could almost see the wheels turning in his head.

“I really don’t know. I’m trying. I am. I don’t want to hurt their feelings or anything. Maybe if I hadn’t fallen earlier it wouldn’t be this bad, but fuck if this isn’t kicking my ass just sitting here right now.”

Y/N’s lips tightened as she tried to come up with anything, anything at all to make this easier for Dean. But really, there was only one solution, and that was get up and go get a hotel. She knew good and damn well that she wasn’t going to be able to get him to agree to that.

“Why don’t you try going and laying down on the couch?” Y/N suggested after a moment. “Everyone else has gone to bed already, so it’s quiet in there.”

“Yeah, but Sam’s ass is gonna be up at like, four in the fucking morning to go jogging like a moron,” Dean countered, and Y/N had to admit that he wasn’t wrong there.

“Fuck,” Dean grumbled into his hands, she noticed they were shaking when he brought them up to his face, and that sent a spark of concern through her chest. She’d been taking care of him for over a year before things really morphed into a relationship. She knew his tells. He was in pain, yet he was downplaying it.

“How long has it been since you took the medication?” Y/N questioned, getting up to riffle around in the duffle bag on the floor opposite of him.

“Bout forty minutes ago,” Dean’s muffled voice answered from behind his hands. “I’ll be fine baby, lay down and get some sleep. Pain is something I’m well acquainted with.”

Y/N’s jaw tightened so fast her teeth audibly clicked together, and Dean slowly lowered his hands from his face, the look of a man that knows he fucked up; just like that, what little bit of annoyance she had left in her towards him and how he acted faded away.

Dean had made a lot of progress over the time they were together. He was more open than he’d ever been. He’d made a lot of emotional changes and boundaries were crossed. Things he let go of and opened up weren’t easy at all to let go of. Still, Dean was Dean, and he had some things that were always gonna fight him. The ability to admit when he wasn’t feeling well, or needed help, well, that was just something she would always have to fight with him on.

It was just his ‘MO’, his go too.

“It should have kicked in by now,” Y/N voiced aloud as she sat back down in front of him, Dean was doing all he could to pretend to be very interested in picking at the blanket in his hand, avoiding her gaze.

“Did the pain start when you fell earlier?” Y/N questioned, and Dean shook his head no.

“Bout three hours before we got here,” he admitted, and honestly, he could have reared back and took a swing at her face and it would have hurt less that the absolute mental kick she gave herself for shutting down on him. He needed her, and he felt like she was giving him the cold shoulder and he couldn’t talk to her, so he pushed himself too hard.

This felt very much like her fault all of the sudden.

“Dean, you should have woken me up,” she said, but Dean didn’t look at her, just sniffed heavily through his nose.

“I shouldn’t have had to wake you up; I should have been able to do something as simple as drive a goddamn car.”

“Dean—”

“Hey,” Sam’s voice cut her off from behind her before Y/N could get anything out to rebuttal him, and fuck if she didn’t want to murder him right there on the spot,be cause as soon as Dean heard his brother’s voice, he straightened up, and cleared his face as if nothing was wrong at all. She’d never seen a wall go up that fucking fast. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Dean lied, clearing his throat as he forced himself back onto the pile of pillows behind him. “I just over did it a little bit today. I’ll be okay.”

The look on Sam’s face read every bit of bullshit. Y/N was pretty sure that her face screamed the truth Dean was trying to cover up, and that had a lot to do with his disbelief.

“Liar,” Sam challenged. “What’s wrong dude, spill.”

Dean signed heavily and rolled his eyes dramatically.

“My back hurts,” Dean said simply. “This is nothing new. My back usually always hurts. It’s a little worse today because I slipped when I got out of the car. It’s not some emergency. I’m not gonna die from it. I’ll be fine.”

Y/N watched as Sam’s eyes traveled to the air mattress that they were sitting on. Sam was no idiot. It didn’t take him long to come to the conclusion that this air mattress really wasn’t helping him at all.

“I can call around and get you guys a room,” Sam offered sincerely. “I didn’t even think about the air mattress being on the floor and—”

Dean held up his hand to stop his baby brother’s worrying. Sam made a face, but didn’t argue with Dean either.

“It’s okay,” Dean assured him. “I will take something else to help with the discomfort, and I’ll eventually go to sleep. I’m sure I'll be fine in the morning. Eileen has all kinds of shit she wants to do as a ‘family’ tomorrow, and I’m not going to let my discomfort ruin that for anyone. Now, back to bed before she sends out a search party for that bottle you're holding.”

Sam looked down at the milk bottle that he was still clutching in his hand, and nearly jumped when he realized that Eileen probably was still waiting for it, and he’d gotten distracted along the way.

“Y/N, if he doesn’t get any better come get me, and we will work something out,” Sam insisted, and Y/N nodded as she watched Sam’s hair bounce as he retreated back to his room.

“You should have told him the truth and let him rent the room,” Y/N insisted, but Dean barely blinked as he stared out of the door his brother had just disappeared from.

“I did tell the truth,” Dean admitted. “It’s not the first time I’ve had pain like this over the years I’ve been recovering, it won't be the last; there’s no reason to freak out, and I definitely don’t want them to have to rent a room in the middle of the night for me. I’ll be okay.”

This was not a battle Y/N was gonna win, she knew that. You could set the man on fire and he’d tell you it tickled. She felt like some of this was absolutely her fault. That in just a matter of 48 hours, the trust she built with him was broken, and she was partially to blame for that.

Was Dean wrong for yelling and blaming her for not telling him that she was on birth control? Yes.

Did that warrant her the right to give him the silent treatment after he apologized? No.

Did her hurt feelings become invalid because he apologized? Hell no. Still, that didn’t mean she had to totally shut him out, when she knew Dean well enough to know that doing something like that could or might trigger this behavior, and that she should have handled this a lot differently.

Apparently Dean wasn’t the only one in the room with communication issues.

Without a word, Y/N moved behind him as Dean sat up again to try and adjust himself. Seating herself behind him with her legs spread out on either side of his trim waist, and Dean turned slightly to look at her with a questioning gaze.

“Lean back,” she insisted, and he did, albeit, very slowly.

“What are you doing?” He questioned again, refusing to relax even when she pulled him against her, and wrapped her arms around him.

“Just relax,” she said.

It took a minute of deep breathing, but finally, Dean leaned his head back to rest against her shoulder, and closed his eyes. The tense muscles in his body gave way, and he loosed up enough to rest his weight against her. Which was something she didn’t mind at all, in fact, she always found it comforting.

“Does this position help any?” she asked once silence fell heavily again in the room, and Dean nodded, refusing to speak.

“Then get some sleep, and in the morning, after we’re done with the shit Eileen has planned, I’m going to drive us either to a hotel, or back home.”

Dean took a deep breath, stress once again setting in his tight jaw.

“No, I’m sure after tonight I’ll be fine,” Dean insisted. “I just over did it today, once I get some sleep, everything will be okay. I promise. I don’t want to ruin this for them. This is a big deal for them, and they’re doing the best they physically can with what they have. I’m gonna be just fine.”

“Okay,” Y/N relented, knowing once Dean had his mind made up about something, there was no changing it. She just hoped that he was right, and after a night’s sleep, he’d be okay again for the rest of the trip. “But I’m doing some of the driving home. Cause we’re not gonna let you over do it again, and if we have to, we will stop and get a hotel so that you can rest in between.”

Dean nodded, and this time he didn’t argue with her.

“And… even though I’m not going to take anymore birth control, it might take almost a month to get out of my system, maybe longer, I’ve been on it a long time. In fact, when we get home, I’m going to make an appointment with my doctor to get myself checked out, just to make sure that I’m physically okay, and we’re all set to go.”

She felt the tension return to Dean’s shoulders, stress was almost radiating throughout his body, and she immediately kicked herself for shutting him out all day, because she just knew that it was going to take him forever to open up to her again about it all.

“It’s okay Dean, nothing is wrong,” she insisted to try and calm his fears. “It’s just the smart thing to do, that way you’re prepared for anything that MIGHT pop up. It’s just a precaution.”

Dean swallowed thickly, before forcing himself to relax again. “Let’s just get through tonight,” he voiced after a while. “Once we get home we can figure the rest out, okay?”

“Okay,” Y/N agreed, then started to run her fingers through his hair, absently humming Hey Jude until he finally started to drift off to sleep.

It was easy to forget that even though Dean was a man, and was bullheaded on a lot of things. He got scared and needed reassurance too. This was still a learning curve for them both, but a lesson learned. From now on, she was going to make sure he was okay, just as she expected him to make sure she was okay. Relationships are a give and take thing, especially when you’ve been through as much trauma as the pair of them had.

Forever:

@bubsonnobx

@britnwinchester

@samanddeaninatrenchcoat

@wittysunflower

@demongirl1996

@as-lost-as-sams-shoe

@jensenslady79

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Jensen and Dean’s Babes

@deans-baby-momma

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@perpetualabsurdity

@msmarvelouswinchester

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@irmcpar

@pink-sparkly-witch

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@sarahgracej

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asherisawkward · 8 months

Note

Personally I don't think we should accuse Dana of hating Belos or his fans just because of how his character was treated. For all we know, she MIGHT have legitimately believed this was the best direction to go and while I agree the shortening doesn't excuse everything, we should still take it into account.

At the same time I do think she fumbled the ball badly considering how we are all so willing to believe the worst, especially considering what we do know (like how he was based on conservative relatives or all the storyboards that actually seemed to give him some nuance were rejected).

The way that Philip was treated is not indicative of Dana Terrace liking him. Pardon me, this is going to get a little rant-y, but this is a topic that pisses me off. (Not your fault, and I am not angry at you, Anon.)

He was set up with a tragic backstory and depth to him, only for him to become progressively more and more like a caricature of himself while valuable and limited time that would have been used to explain his past or reasoning was wasted on minor characters (Kikimora and Boscha at Hexside) that did nothing to really advance the plot. This continued, only for the tragic and heart-wrenching nature of his childhood to be completely ignored, for the writers to treat the person who abandoned him without any family or way to care for himself like an absolute saint, and have the straight up god of the Boiling Isles call him utterly evil and act as if the beliefs that drove him to mutilate his body beyond repair and sacrifice the thing that mattered most about himself are utterly pretend.

He’s then treated like a joke with an utterly pathetic last ditch attempt to survive (that would never have worked and makes everything he’s done to get into power laughable and makes the residents of the Boiling Isles look like a joke) before getting killed in an utterly lame way after he’s no longer a threat after he survived something far more severe, making the way he’s killed even more unrealistic for a way to permanently get rid of him. Then, the series acts like everything goes to being perfect (with only minor references to some work repairing the Isles) and that all the evil left once he was gone.

How could this be the best way to treat such an important character in the series? He’s literally responsible for everything happening. That is not the way you treat the villain of a series; it is not the way you treat a character you like.

I’m going to stop here before I get myself more worked up.

Sorry, Anon.

#The Owl House #TOH #Philip Wittebane #Emperor Belos #Dana Terrace #TOH criticism #BelosFansTakeover #Trigger Warning: mentioned self harm #Ask

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kiddbegins · 6 months

Text

Coming Out - Hailey Upton

Requested: no

Word count: 3002

Warning: lesbian!reader, questioning of sexuality?

A/n: I’ve been wanting to write something about Hailey coming to terms with her sexuality for a while so.. also this is probably gonna be a mini series of some sort

Masterlist

“You look really pretty today,” Was something you told your coworker Hailey Upton daily. It was also unfortunately your crappy way of flirting. Listen, nobody taught you how to flirt. It's not like it was going to go as smooth as imagined.

Your partner (regularly) made fun of you for it, knowing that your budding crush on the blonde had been festering since you first met her. How could it not have?

Genuinely, she comes in, starts shit talking your asshole of a superior and you’re not supposed to want her to push you up against the wall and make out with you?

Well you definitely failed in that department but the problem was, you didn’t even know if she liked girls like that. And after her short lived stint with Adam you didn’t know if it was worth trying. If you were wrong then you could mess up the really, really, good friendship you guys had.

But things were starting to feel different. Just slightly. When you guys went undercover inside a bar and the way she had looked you over before you left felt… less restrained. More of the way you usually look at girls.

But hey, maybe you were overthinking it. So you gave the same “You look really pretty,” and moved on. Letting the night progress, the case get worked and by the end of the week you were with everyone else getting a drink at Molly’s.

Whilst there you tried to let go, keep an eye out for someone that wouldn’t mind coming home with you. Needing some sort of stress reliever after the way work had been going.

And you could have sworn you saw Hailey let out a heavy sigh when you took the hand of a red haired girl you met not even ten minutes ago and stalked out of the bar. Her hand already on your ass.

You must’ve been hallucinating. And she was out of your mind for the entirety of the ride to your house before she crept back in. You shouldn’t have been thinking of her while someone else (her name was Samantha) had her way with you.

But you couldn’t help it. Your feelings fpr the blonde detective weren’t only sexual. No way. You wanted the everyday stuff with Hailey. All of it. But in that exact moment you did wish she was the one knuckles deep in you.

What could you do right?

So maybe work was weird Monday, and then again Tuesday. Even more so Wednesday when Voight ushered for you and Hailey to be partnered up, needing the double distraction at the forefront.

Just clad in normal, casual clothes, you and Hailey worked the men up, having to fight the urge to hit them when one of them got a little too handsy. Knowing that acting harshly wouldn’t be much help.

Back in her car on the way back though, she looked over at you. “Are you okay? I saw how Vincent grabbed you. If that had been me I would’ve broken his nose.” Hailey spoke as she brought the two of you back to the precinct.

Simply you nodded, “Yeah, could’ve been worse. And besides, it would’ve done more harm than good. It’ll feel nice to get him behind bars though. That’s for sure.” You sighed out, leaning your head back against the headrest.

Hailey nodded, turning her focus back to the road. She couldn’t figure out why seeing him do that made her feel so angry, so annoyed.

She was just protective, is what she came up with. She didn’t want anyone getting touched or hurt badly. That had to be it. And you didn’t even realize how she looked after you as you exited the vehicle first.

Didn’t notice her walking behind you and just trying to find what it was that was making her feel so off. So weird.

That alone made the next couple of days feel wrong. Back with your usual partners, aside from the undercover part, the two of you were never in a room alone together. Whether it was on purpose and Hailey was avoiding you or completely coincidental, it was weird.

But what were you going to do? Ask her about it? Then you’d have to explain why it hurt so much. Why you wanted to talk to her. So you ignored it and went about your days.

It was difficult at Molly’s that Saturday. You were (as usual) one of the last ones there. Meaning Hailey and the others had already set up shop at a table, a seat open for you but you didn’t know if you would be making her uncomfortable.

You thought for a second as you went up to the bar. Maybe she’s just been busy. With what though you were on the same damn case. Or, your eyes widened, maybe she picked up on your crush with her dumb detective skills and got creeped out.

If that were true you couldn’t even bear joining them. You didn’t exactly get a choice, Jay coming over as you ordered and practically dragging you to the table. “Okay, settle this for us. We, as in me and Adam, think that Die Hard is a Christmas movie. I have always, always watched it as one.”

He paused, “But, Kev and Hailey think it isn’t. Kim’s never seen it so she’s out of the conversation.” Jay put his hand on your shoulder slightly, waiting for your response.

“Jay you’re not going to like my answer,” you laughed softly, Kevin cheering instantly.

“See? I told you she’d be with us. It is not a Christmas movie.” He spoke, smiling widely at you. “This is why we’re your favorites and you're my favorite.”

Adam looked up in fake offense, Kevin brushing him off. You laughed softly, looking over at Hailey. Her eyes almost instantly darted from yours, a sigh leaving your mouth.

“Right, well, I’m gonna run to the bathroom before I start drinking so, yeah.” You stood, practically sprinting to the bathroom. All of your worries were at the top of your mind and there was no real way for you to get past them.

Maybe you just had to come clean. Get it off your chest. Except that could be the final nail in the coffin. So what the hell were you meant to do? You couldn’t deal with Hailey ignoring you for the rest of your career as a police officer.

You couldn’t — your thoughts were cut off when the door to the bathroom opened, Hailey poking her head in. “Hey, you ran off pretty fast I just uh, I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” She spoke with a light smile, stepping in when you nodded.

“Oh, yeah I’m uh, I’m good. Thanks.” You bit your cheek, seeing Hailey’s eyes squint before she called out the most obvious lie because of course she did.

Whether you were fully aware of it or not, Hailey knew you. How you acted when you were lying to someone you were close to. The way you always bit at the inside of your cheek or lip when you were holding something back.

She just knew. And you hated it sometimes.

Because why was she able to know you like that but you could barely get a window into her? Maybe you just didn’t let yourself. Too scared of the rejection you’d find in her.

Or maybe she was making sure you couldn’t. Her own fears keeping her from letting you in. “Okay fine. I just,” you let out a heavy sigh. “Why have you been avoiding me?” You had to know. If it was something that you could fix you’d do it in a heartbeat.

Her eyebrows just barely crinkled, the blonde girl taken aback just slightly, leaning against the door. “I’m not, well, I’m not trying to. I’m just, going through shit. I promise it isn’t you, y/n.” Hailey sighed out, running both of her hands over her face.

Faintly you nodded, a silence falling between the two of you. “Oh, alright. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have assumed you were.” Your heart started racing, looking over at her. “Are you alright?”

She nodded, “Yeah, just trying to piece some things together. No biggie. Look I’ll get back out to them, you better join us when you get out of here.” Hailey grinned going to leave.

“Hey Hails?”

“Yeah?”

“You look really pretty tonight.” You hadn’t been able to tell her recently so you had to take advantage of the opportunity. If the lighting had been better you would’ve sworn that this time a blush went across her face.

But what did you know? “Thank you, I’ll see you out there.” She said, leaving the room and you to mentally smack yourself as many times you’d like.

Thankfully though you went back out and joined the rest of the team, more debates over movies and shit still happening. A good half of the time though you just found yourself gazing over at Hailey. Hopeful nobody noticed.

Except on the way out, you felt an arm go over your shoulder, “So, your crush on Upton, how longs that been going on?” Jay’s voice fully took you by surprise, nearly elbowing him in the side when he first touched you.

“Jesus- Halstead you can’t just come up on a girl.” You grumbled, taking the chance now to elbow him back. “And I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He wasn’t able to see the way your jaw clenched as you looked down, still walking under his arm.

Jay laughed, nodding, “Right, look, y/n, I’m just saying. I could see the way you looked at Hailey the same way I can see your car right now. Like it’s under a spotlight.”

You looked up, your car in fact under a streetlight. “She’s a friend Jay, you know what those are right?” Your eyebrow cocked up at the question, Jay nodding slightly.

“Heard of them here and there. Alright fine, so if I asked Hailey out that wouldn’t bother you? Wouldn’t annoy you?” He was very obviously instigating. This time noting the way you rolled your jaw. “See! Don’t have a crush my ass!”

Mentally Jay patted himself on the back, happy he got that right before he sighed, “Alright, teasing aside. You should go for it. Maybe it’ll pull her out of whatever mental haze she’s had this past week.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean she’s been weird all week. Won’t tell me why. Though it started after you guys went undercover together so maybe it just has something to do with that. Either way. You need to talk to her.” He stopped the two of you in front of your car, gesturing to it. “And I leave you at your chariot, goodnight.”

With a half-assed salute, the detective walked away,

Leaving you to get home for the night. And you sat with what he said the whole ride, and then some.

You were thinking about it as you got to work Monday, ready to bring it up with Hailey but she wasn’t there, apparently she used a few personal days and wouldn’t be back until next week.

Jay was working with Voight for the week and things were easy peasy. Except for the feeling that something was bothering Hailey and you were ignoring it. Like a voice in the back of your head was telling you to go check on her.

A voice that went ignored until Thursday night when you finally decided to get over whatever fear was holding you back and go over to her apartment.

You didn’t even know if she was home. You barely cared, you’d wait outside her apartment until she got home if you had to.

You just couldn’t ignore the feeling in your chest anymore. So you knocked on her door, ready to be met with silence but it only took a few moments for the door to open and Hailey to look over you. “What are you doing here?”

She didn’t sound mad but more so, shocked, surprised someone even checked on her. “Honestly? I’m not sure. I know you took a few personal days but, something felt… wrong? I guess? Like I should uh, should come and check in. How are you doing?”

You thought back to what she said about dealing with something and maybe you were overstepping. But you couldn’t help it. This team was your life. Most of them your family and you needed to be there when one of them needed it.

Hailey didn’t reply, simply stepping out of the way and letting you in. Slowly you entered, glancing around. It was the first time you’d been to her new apartment, taking in the look of it.

Under normal circumstances you would’ve commented on it but it felt wrong to do in the moment. Hailey shut the door softly behind you, silently heading into the kitchen.

You felt compelled to follow, leaning onto the island counter when she stepped around it. “Do you want a drink?” She held up a bottle of whiskey before bringing a couple cups over.

“Hails,” You asked softly, looking over her. She obviously hadn’t been sleeping much but you weren’t going to let her keep doing it alone. “Hailey.” Your voice more firm, making her look up. “What’s going on with you?”

She wasn’t like this. Hailey upton was put together. She could handle nearly anything thrown at her. Any criminal, any case. The girl had such a strong sense of who she was and what she believed in. That was why she was crumbling.

Questioning everything she’d ever known about herself. The way she wanted to kiss her. Kiss you. Another girl. She wasn’t used to that kind of thought. And if she didn’t have some voice deep in her subconscious making her second guess everything then maybe she would have done it already.

Maybe she would have done it the first time you ever called her pretty and she felt the way her chest fluttered. In the same way it had when Adam would wrap her into a hug.

The second she realized she felt the same way she did with her exes as she did you it was like her stone walls had fell in on one another.

Not out of shame. Or disappointment. Just out of utter change. Or more so the fear of it. Would this revelation change her as a person? Make her a different person? She didn’t know and that was what scared her.

“I-“ Hailey started, shaking her head, “god this is pathetic. I’m sorry.” She paused the pouring of the drink, looking up at you. “How are you so good about it?”

Her question threw you off, tilting your head, “Good about what?”

“Being into girls. I just…” Hailey rested her elbows on the counter, hands going into her hair in distress. “I think I might be and it’s scaring the hell out of me.” There was an odd mix of silence in the room.

Just because you were into girls didn’t automatically make you an expert in helping someone else understand themselves. But you couldn’t just ignore her question.

Slowly you went around the island, leaning against it while facing her. “It’s difficult. Trust me. I mean, I realized I was into girls back when I was maybe 13? 14? But it’s not like it was accepted. I just had to live with that internally. I’m only good at it, which, is a stretch by the way, because I stopped letting other peoples thoughts influence mine.”

Hailey turned her head to you, nodding faintly, “I just, what if I’m wrong? And I waste y- someone’s time?” She looked away just as smoothly as she had looked towards you, shuffling faintly.

“You wouldn’t be wasting anybody’s time. How are you supposed to know who or what you like if you don’t try you know? That’s how I found out I was in fact not into boys.” Your nose scrunched up with a shake of the head.

Part of you wanted to offer yourself up as practice but you couldn’t handle the blow back if it went wrong. Things blowing up and possibly getting hurt in the process.

The blonde’s head stayed low for a moment before she shifted again, as if something went through her mind. With her elbow leaning on the counter she looked up, “I just, I think I like this girl.” She started hesitantly. “Because, when I see her it makes my heart race. And it’s really, really similar to how I felt with Adam and I'm scared. What if I’m reading things wrong?”

It took everything in you to not frown at her words, because of course if she was into girls it would be someone else. Not you. Instead you swallowed thickly, “I think the only way to tell is to try things out. You know if she’s also into girls?”

“She definitely is.”

“Then I say go for it. Be up front about what you’re going through and most girls will be understanding. Worst that could happen is that you end up not having feelings for her. And if she knows-” You were cut off by the shorter girl stepping forward quickly, her hand pulling you down to her and pressing her lips to yours.

She wanted to do things smoother, ask first, but the racing of her heart and doubt in her stomach needed to be satisfied, relaxed and the only way she could think of was letting herself find you. Letting herself have the one thing she had wanted for months now.

Every small glance, every little compliment. All of it. Hailey Upton knew she had indefinitely fallen for you even if she wasn’t sure what that meant yet. And her lips were familiar. All it took was that one moment together for her to know. She did like girls. She did like you. And if she could, she’d kiss you forever.

JOIN HAILEY'S TAGLIST HERE!

tags: @sorry-i-spaced

#hailey upton #hailey upton x reader #hailey upton fanfic #hailey upton one shot #chicago pd #one chicago #hailey upton imagine #one chicago x reader #teddy writes #teddy writes hailey upton #teddy writes chicago pd #teddy writes one chicago #detective upton

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mcu-fan-fics-blog · 8 months

Text

Remember a Time X

Series: (Pt.1), (P.t 2), (P.t 3), (P.t 4), (P.t 5), (P.t 6), (P.t 7), (P.t 8), (P.t 9) Wanda Maximoff x Fem! Reader, Natasha Romanoff x Fem! Reader ;) (High school Au ) No Powers Word count: 1907 aproxx A/n: It's me again for the few of you still keeping up with this little story. I present you with an update. One should be up next week I mean it this time It's done just needs editing. Anyways hope you enjoy I'm really trying to get past this writers block, thanks for being patient <3

There was officially only two months left till you moved to California, and time felt like it was flying. Both you and Natasha had been apartment hunting, unfortunately you couldn't find a suitable apparent for the two of you, so you both opted to search for apartments individually. You were bummed at the beginning but soon realized that it would facilitate things for the both of you. More so your dad knocked some well needed sense into your head. As much as he liked Natasha things could end badly and then you'd both be stuck in a bad situation. It was for the best you had decided. "You know, I'm basically going to be living with you on the weekends and when I don't have class. We survived being a continent away. We'll survive a couple of miles." You nodded confidently, agreeing with her. "I'll survive. Not sure you will, with your horrible cooking skills." You jabbed.

She laughed, but then the reality set in. She wouldn't have her mothers cooking, and now she wouldn't have yours which paled in comparison to Melina's. But yours was still better than hers. "That's actually so unsettling. What am I going to do? I can't cook I'll actually somehow poison myself." You chuckled lightly. "I'll just have to teach you the basics, you know nothing compared to Melina's cooking but you know the basics." She smiled somewhat relieved at the prospect of you teaching her to cook. Melina had tried many times throughout her daughter's life, but she simply gave up. Her patience wore out and Natasha couldn’t blame her for that. "I would actually really appreciate that." You nodded. "Well in that case, every day till we move at the end of the day we'll practice." You shook on it. Other preparations had to be made, but mostly everything that you could handle was done. Your parents had actually already gone out ahead of time to set up your apartment with all the things you'd need to live comfortably. Your parents only really wanted you to focus on the academics of it all and for you to enjoy yourself in the process.

"Natasha we're two weeks into this!" You exclaimed when you looked into the pan only to see the 'scrambled eggs'. "What's wrong with them this time?" She asked, frustrated. "They're going to be really crunchy nat." You said, you could visibly see pieces of shell sticking out. "That's just personal preference, I happen to like my eggs crunchy." You laughed. "You didn't burn them this time so we're making progress. I'm proud." You started looking at her sweetly. "Do I get rewarded for this 'progress'?" She asked teasingly, tilting her head a small smirk on her face. You pretended to think about it. You rushed and kissed her, and before she could really think about it you started peppering her face with small kisses. With one final peck of the lips you smiled softly. "If this is what I get for progress, I'll start practicing all the time." She joked clearly, still flustered. "You'll get a nice surprise when you serve me a thoroughly cooked piece of chicken." You wiggled your eyebrows suggestively. At that Natasha did manage to laugh.

Although you wanted to, you couldn't spend every waking moment with Natasha. So you and Tony would be found making future plans and arrangements. "We have to do Christmas again like last year." He said fondly. You smiled and nodded. "Let's do New Year's. I kinda actually want to spend this Christmas with our families." You were thinking and planning for your future self. "I think I'm really going to miss my folks when I'm gone." You said. "Not me, I couldn't get away from them any faster." He teased, and you laughed, Tony always had a good poker face. But, you know deep down he's going to miss his [arents too although he would be seeing his more often than you would.. "But your choice if you want to do a family Christmas this year that's what we'll do." You almost laughed at the change of tone. "You know I think Pietro is doing a thing later today If you want to go with." You only shook your head. "Come on Y/n piet's been bugging me. He just wants to spend some time with you. He misses you." Before you could say anything again he interrupted you. "It'll only be you and him. If you want me to, I'll stick around. Just, he's your friend too." You sighed. "You're right. I can't just run away from it because it's complicated." Tony nodded. "As much as I don't like his sister right now, he's not a bad guy." The thought escaped Tony's mouth before he could think it through. “You know you really like to meddle in my life.” He laughed. “Well someone has to, if I don't do it who will?”

The mere possibility that you’d have to face Wanda again almost had you drive away from the house you’d become very familiar with. You didn't know what to feel anymore. Wanda was not objectively horrible you knew that, but you also knew that you would very likely end up hating her if you stayed by her side. You’re knocked out of your thoughts when the passenger door of your car pops open. "You didn't tell her right?" The words flew out of your mouth before you could even think to stop them. "She's not here, you don't have to worry." He said simply. "Where do you want to go?" You asked. He thought about it for a while. "We can just drive. I don't really want to do this with a bunch of people around." You nodded and managed to drive a decent while before he spoke again. “You and Wanda have put me in an impossible position. It’s hard for me because I see the two of you and it makes me sad. How things managed to get so out of hand I don’t know.” You listened and managed to articulate the words. “I will never make you choose…” He nodded. “I know, but I need you to understand that I couldn’t if you asked, even if Wanda asked.”

You smiled slightly. “I care for you both, and I sympathize with you. So please don’t write me off. You’re my sister too.” You felt lighter by the time you dropped him off, a full tank of gas later. "I think we should do this more often." He said before he stepped out of the car. You laughed nodding along with him. "I'm sure we can find the time before we leave..." Behind you, you saw headlights pull up. Both you and Pietro tensed slightly, before breaking out into laughter. You felt like you'd been caught with your hand in the cookie jar. You could tell it was Vision's car, but you couldn't really be bothered, you'd had a good time with Pietro and It was all that mattered. "You better step out before either of them start walking up to my car." You threatened playfully. "What? You aren't going to walk me to the door and kiss me goodnight?" He pouted referencing when you’d play house as kids. You laughed. "You'd like that wouldn't you!" You settled and placed a small peck on his cheek. "There, that should hold you over for the time being." He nodded. "I'll see you around y/n?" You nodded. And with that he stepped out and you stepped on the gas.

Not that you had to, Wanda had already exited Vision's car, She was now expectantly waiting for her brother to walk through the door. As soon as the door knob turned she was on her brother. “Why didn’t you tell me Y/n was coming over?” He sighed. “Because she doesn’t want to see you, If I’d told you, you would’ve stuck around.” He tried moving past his sister but she stopped him again. “How is she? Is she okay, what did you guys do?” She asked the questions one after the next. “Good, yes, and we talked.” He listed off. “I told her I wasn’t going to choose sides or anything of the sort.” Wanda was about to rebute but he managed to cut her off before she did. “I don’t get you Wanda, I know you.” He said. “I know you love her, I know it! And you somehow got us here.” His words caught her off guard. “She loved you, and you loved her. Why are we here?” She sighed. “I didn’t know, I-i didn’t realize. I freaked when Tony said what he said at the party.” He nodded. “There's no turning back now.” He squeezed her shoulder pulling her in. “Give her time, it will work out. I know it will.” Wanda nodded, the weight of it settling on her shoulders. She released a shaky breath. “She’s with Natasha… Natasha loves her.” Her eyes met her brothers. He nodded. “You’re with Vision, things will fall into place. The universe works in mysterious ways haven't you heard?” He said, pulling his sister into a warm hug.

When you got home that night you weren’t expecting what was waiting for you when you crossed the door. It was almost as if the universe was showing you what was for you. There were roses lining the hallway, and an amazing smell coming from your kitchen. Where she was wearing a beautiful apron, and a rather large bouquet or roses on the dinner table that was already set and ready to go. It had been only a couple of weeks since Natasha had made the world's crunchiest eggs. And here she was, full on dinner made by her you were assuming. “I was waiting for you.” She said taking a kitchen towel to wipe her hands. “Not too long I hope… Did you do all this.” You asked somewhat awestruck. She nodded. “I’ve submitted myself to my mothers cooking school again, because I wanted to do this for you, I wanted to make you proud.” You couldn’t help but smile. “What did you make?” That’s when you saw her smile turn to a smirk. “Roasted chicken, and some potatoes which, if I do say so, are amazing.” You almost choked on air.

Everything about that night was perfect. She was perfect and she made you feel perfect. Dinner was all you could hope for, and afterwards a promise was a promise. “Are you sure you want to do this?” She’s asked for the umpteenth time. “Undoubtedly sure.” You spent that night in her arms, kissing her and it was perfect. It was everything you imagined, she was everything you imagined. Waking up next to her this time made you feel like you should wake up next to her forever. So you said it, quietly but surely. “I want to wake up next to you forever.” Natasha was asleep. At least that’s what you thought, she didn’t make any sudden movement and her breath was steady enough, you were sure she was asleep. That was until she spoke. “I think I would like that…” She brought your hand to her mouth and placed a small kiss on it. “No, I would love it.” She amended. You wanted to cry at how good she was, how good she was with you. Everything was good there in your bubble.

Tag-List: @when-wolves-howl @alyciaddict @username23345, @arixxxxxxxxa, @justyourwritter69, @picnicmic, @swiftdazer, @alphawolfchicago1124, @sojo154 @xxxtwilightaxelxxx , @marvelogic @wandasmistress , @alwaysgoodnight , @chickenlittlsblog

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fraudulent-cheese · 2 months

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So i watched episodes 3 to 8 of Pahkitew Island

Again, watched these with my buddy @rockin-it-rusty! And, holy shit these episodes have got me genuinly wondering why Pahkitew's so hated.

I'll go over the negatives first; the challenges are kinda eh. The Truth or Scare one is great, and the cave one is interesting due to it's hints at the Fake Island reveal (as heavy handed as they were), but most of these were just pretty out there to me? They mostly felt like an excuse to put the characters in situations mostly. Just have Topher make a narration joke, give Max and Scarlett an interaction, have Sky and Dave dance around eachother all due to a thing the challenge made them do. I don't mind the first two much, but the last one gets super repetitive man. Glad they mixed it up a bit by making Shawn try to wingman Dave though, i like their friendship! im a bigger dashawn shipper now oops

ANYWAYS IMA TALK ABOUT THE CHARACTERS NOW BECAUSE LET'S BE HONEST, THE CHARACTERS CARRY THE SHOW!

Amy... Ok im very mixed on her. On one hand, she serves her role as the mean twin relatively well. But on the other, that's all she really is! Her one trait is being mean and hating her sister, and that's all she really does! Granted she has a thing? Where she gets sayings (?) wrong, or just gets words wrong (she says parfait is german. it's french. i would know) which! could hint at something! (maybe less smart than her sister?) but they don't do shit with her outside of her swimming back to the island in episode 5. god i wanna rewrite this season so badly now to give her a bigger role. idk shoutouts to Twinning with a Twist for redeeming her while still giving her some edge ig.

Rodney. i uh

I haven't thought about him since his elimination honestly. I just doooooon't care about him it's crazy. Most forgettable guy in the entire series.

Sammy! Ok back to the siblings rambles! I wish the show leaned into her scheming more. Girl in five episodes pulled identity theft and did nothing else. Why. Her relationship with Jasmine is adorable, and i wish she got Jasmine to call her by her actual name, and a personality too! It's really a shame man :(

Sidenote, but like her team fucking hated her for some reason??? Like what. I know it's because of that one scene, but really?

Ella!! My sweet girl Ella!!! She didn't do anything wrong man she just likes singing leave her alone!!! Chris really fucking hates her and it's pretty entertaining at least, but i'd say his beef with Topher's funnier. She has a nice singing voice, and i love how passionate she is about fairytales and stuff. You could do so much with the Prince thing and the show... didn't. Like what even was that. Conflict that wasn't one that lasts an episode. what

Gotta say though, her elimination was fucking ass, Max 100% should've been kicked instead of her.

Topher. Ah the opher. He's a special case, even in the context of Pahkitew Island itself! Because the dude's not here for the game. He's here to meet his idol, Chris Mclean (he really knows how to pick em, huh). I like the progression he's got, from wanting his approval to straight up wanting to host the game instead of him. I'll admit, my opinion's a little skewed since i am mutuals with the Topher guy on Tumblr, but i like him regardless!

His relationship with Chris is easily one of the more interesting parts of the season, mostly because a 30-something year old dude having beef with a teenage fan is hilarious, and you could definitely spin it in a sad way from Topher's perspective.

It also helps that he's genuinely funny! His few interactions with the other campers are also pretty fun, he dgaf about them it's great.

Im kind of mixed on Dave, i'll be real. On one hand, im glad they ditched the whole "he doesn't like anyone on this Island" trait three episodes in because that would've gotten. SO ANNOYING. SO FAST. (hell i'd argue it was already annoying), and him being a hopeless romantic could be a fun trait, if done right. It also helps that he's really pathetic and i find that funny. His friendship with Shawn's fun too!

But on the other hand... Yeah, even before the finale the Skave plotline's really boringgg. They just dance around eachother for half the season for like! No reason! Please just have a conversation, even if it takes other people to sit them down to have it! I know why they didn't because the finale needed them to not actually talk about it but at least have Sky tell him she'll explain later or have him not be a coward and ask her about it himself!!! ack!!

Also the thing with him and Ella went literally nowhere. I have 0 feelings about it because it's just there for some reason. Idk they just really wanted to shoehorn in romance for every girl this season huh.

Scarlett's a really underutilized character pre-Island reveal. The bulk of her interactions with the other campers are with Max, who has a ton of screentime for some reason (which i don't personally really mind but i'll explain later) which honestly sucks because she's a fun character! I want to compare her to Twilight Sparkle at the very start of MLP. She's smart, she knows it, she can communicate with her teammates just fine and just chooses not to usually. I like her alot! Im just... really disapointed that she's so in the background usually; if anyone's a wasted character in tdpi, outside of the Twins i'd say it's her.

Her legit wanting to kill Max is great though. That's how i'd react to him irl. Don't get the Max saying she had a crush on him three episodes in, or the quip Chris made during the team switching tho.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, MAX! I swear, i was convinced i'd find this guy annoying pre-watch but uh... I like this guy! No really, i do! He's like Mal, only the narrative doesn't take him seriously in the slightest and it's hilarious to watch! Im like Sugar in that one clip, i am laughing at this buffoon's intelligence, and his stupid catchphrase, and his "evil" plans, and his general delivery! Max is funny!

Even when the Scarlett "minion" thing kicked in i still found him funny! Don't get me wrong, i wish he'd gotten out earlier (ESPECIALLY when he was supposed to get kicked in the episode Ella got eliminated into) or just gotten less screentime in general, but in the season proper, yeah he's a funny guy! Big gimmick, but i like him! Please don't add nuance to him, i don't care

Jasmine... certaintly exists! I'd call her the Season's rock, the one character that's emotionally intelligent on the show. She's fun in general, and also the only one noticing things going wrong with the robotic island. As said before, her relationship with Sammy is great to see, and i wished we'd see more of her and Sky's friendship and uh. For there to be more between her and Shawn? Because the only things i've retained is that they blushed at eachother once and then trust issues party because he hit her once during a challenge and that completely broke her trust in him - which, could be an interesting aspect of her character to explore since if that's all it took for her to pull a 180 on Shawn, the girl must have a complicated relationship with trust. That's an interesting flaw! It also shows up with her rapport in Sky in the later episodes of this batch, and. GOD. I wish it was developped man!

The issue? Yeah it's dragged on so longggg man! It's frustating to watch frankly because i really wish they'd resolve this conflict quicker since it's like. The same thing every episode :( to my knowledge it's solved in episode 9, but it did NOT need to be dragged out for 4 episodes.

Unrelated to her charater, but her height difference with the other campers is kind of ridiculous. In some shots the characters look so small compared to her it's crazyyy

Ok, now. Sugar. I'll be honest? She's great! She's just a menace and doing her own thing and it's fun to watch! She's also interesting in terms of backstory since she's canonically a pageant queen; her relationship with Ella is greatly impacted by this, since she heavily suspects her of lying to her face when it's just. Ella being Ella. Similar thing to her opinion on Topher; she doesn't like him for his sucking up to Chris, the host (something that Rusty probably agrees with). I fucking wish she was more popular because then people would look into her more, but alas. She's a female, plus sized character in Pahkitew Island, so considering the Fandom's biases, it was never going to happen. U_U

OK TIME FOR ZOMBIE BOY. So, Shawn. He's definitely more present in these episodes than he was before, and, again, i think he's fun! He's a weird little guy. He's got interesting skills (his camouflage, legit parkour, general athleticism) and his personality's interesting as well compared to the other guys. The zombie thing is fine, actually, because they do different things with it over the course of these episodes. Not much to say about him, he's a solid character to me and i wish he had more interactions with the cast outside of Dave and his pining for Jasmine. Who he's talked to like, five times at this point? Again, they probably should've talked stuff out faster than this for me to actually enjoy it. Oh well.

And finally, Sky. She's an interesting case for me? She's fine, mostly. She's the Normal Person™️ of the cast to me, and that means she really struggles to grab me. It's made worse by her main plot being a basic romance plot where the gimmick is that she's a reasonable human being and Dave isn't. And neither are able to have a normal fucking conversation about it either. The mixed signals thing could've been interesting, but this is Fresh TV writters, so of course it didn't end up that way. I assume the episodes without Dave are the ones where her personality shines more? Because so far she's just been really reserved and calm. And said she'd "focus on the competition only" And then. Doesn't. Really. God i wish this season treated it's female characters better :(

OK SO OVERALL THOUGHTS:

Im mixed on alot of the character decisions

god i wished these people talked more

the screentime is not well split among the cast

the romance plots and pacing of the Island plot are the weakest parts of this season

the challenges are fine

Why does Chef have 5 lines total.

Pahkitew Island does NOT deserve the overly negative rep it gets in this Fandom, at least based on the first 8 episodes.

#cheese posting #string cheesing #td amy #td rodney #td sammy #td ella #td topher #td dave #td scarlett #td max #td jasmine #td sugar #td shawn #td sky #tdpi #total drama pahkitew island

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fabuloustrash05 · 1 year

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What is your honest opinion on the TMNT 2012 girls? In my opinion I don't understand a lot of the hate they get and they weren't even horrible or that badly writen. Yeah there were flaws in their writing but so did the other male characters have it as well.

I love all the girls! Some more than others. They all have their good qualities and I will admit even my favorites have flaws, but I blame the writer's more than the characters themselves.

This took awhile to put together and get my honest thoughts through, but here it is! Here’s my opinion of the TMNT 2012 Girls: April, Karai, Irma, Renet, Mona Lisa, Shinigami and Alopex!

April O'Neil

My opinion of April has changed throughout the years. As a kid first watching the series I felt indifferent towards her (I didn’t hate her but I also didn’t like her), then when the series was over I grew salty and began to hate her on rewatch. I became a toxic person because of my hatred for 2012 April, but lately I’ve grown to like her and appreciate her for the good things she’s done. I’m proud of her for how far she’s come in her ninja training. I think most of that change came from how ridiculously hated she is in the fandom when honestly she doesn’t deserve that hate. She's not the best or the perfect character, but some people make it their religion to hate on her and it's pathetic. I realized how toxic 2012 April haters are and I wanted to distance myself from that and I began to chat with 2012 April fans and things got better for me and my opinion of her change to something more positive.

My biggest problem with April still to this day is her relationship with Donnie and how it was handled. I disagree when people say she was manipulative towards Donnie and Casey cause honestly I can understand that she feels uncomfortable and awkward in this situation these boys put her in and is conflicted on how she should handle it, because in the end she is only a 16 year old girl and both Donnie and Casey are still her friends that she cares about. Now her kissing Donnie at the farmhouse, I was mad at her for, but that was a dumb decision on the writer's end. That choice made it come off that April is leading him on, but honestly Donnie is not perfect either and he is just as bad when is comes to this relationship, but this post isn't about Apritello, it’s about April. If you wanna know how I would've handle Donnie and April's romance, you can check it out HERE.

I fully blame the writer's on this one, but I feel April's plot with her family's connection to the Kraang, her mom missing, and her being a half Kraang herself was totally wasted and forgotten by the 3rd season. They were doing good build up to it but then I feel they completely dropped it and forgot about it by season 4 and onward. My guess is the writer's didn't know where to go on from there so they just ignored it for the rest of the series hoping we wouldn't notice. Her have psychic powers is cool but feels totally random and out of place at times. Yeah, Kraang Prime has psychic powers too but most of April's Kraang heritage plot often leaves more questions than answers. Another thing is I wish she was given more Kraang features as the series progressed. I see a lot of fans today draw her with Kraang like eyes or tentacles coming out of her head and neck and it looks really cool! Let my girl embrace her alien side!!

Karai

She used to be my all time favorite character in the series, her intro episode is what got me into fully watching the rest of the series. So I thank Karai for being the reason I really got into TMNT. I loved her, but after rewatching the show a few times, I would see her choices and just wonder “what the hell was she thinking?” She does so many dumb decisions as the series goes on and it begins frustrate me. She had two opportunities to go back to her real father and be a family with him and her turtle brothers, but instead she is blinded by her vendetta against Shredder and wants to overthrow his empire. Now that is a cool concept, Karai taking over the Foot, but when she returned in season 4 it just feels out of no where and I feel I skip a whole arc or season. I wish they gave her more time to grow and we see her come to this decision instead of it just happening. Side note, but I love how even before the reveal, Karai acts like a teasing older sister towards the Turtles. Her dynamic with Donnie, Raph and Mikey is rare to see but you can see that they care about her and she cares about them too and I love it.

Her snake form was very cool and had a creative design, though that whole arc of trying to find her and then her being brainwashed was pointless filler, such a waste of time. How she out of no where mastered her turning from human to snake at will was so random. The whole brainwashed Karai arc in general didn't need to happened!

I feel I'm obligated to talk about it, but Karai's biggest flaw, as well as it being TMNT 2012's worst quality, was her relationship with Leo. What were they thinking with that shit?! If they wanted Leo to have a crush on the enemy that's fine! That can be good drama, but why then throw in the twist that his crush is also his sister and continue to push a romance between them in the same episode when they are acknowledged as being family?!! Such wasted potential for them to just be enemies who respect one another that grows into a friendly rivalry that becomes two siblings looking out for one another, but still like to get on each other's nerves. Beside that mess, her and Leo do have a fun and good dynamic, when it isn't being ruined with forced uncomfortable romance. I also wanna add I like her dynamic with April and parallels between the two girls. Overall, I like Karai, but she could've been better.

Irma/Rook

I'm adding "Irma" to the list cause she counted as a character for a short while before the twist and she did technically come back in season 4. I liked Irma, she was funny, quirky, and her dynamic with April and Casey was fun to watch. I liked her banter with Casey, it always made me laugh. I'm honestly still disappointed that it was revealed Irma was not even Irma but was just a robot controlled by Kraang Sub Prime. All that hope to see Irma befriend the Turtles was destroy for me.

I am glad they were able to find a way to bring back Irma in the form of the Utrom Rook in season 4. She had little screen time but she always stuck out to me for some reason. Also, wasted potential of not having April meet Rook and for her to have a heart to heart with her about the friend lost because Rook looks like her old best friend.

I actually did a whole rewrite of how I would've handle the Irma is robot twist and still keep her as a character: LINK.

Renet Tilley

I love her so much! She's funny, entertaining and a total sweetheart. I love how she's a very bubbly and overall kind person but isn't afraid to punch someone right in the face. I like how she's perceived as dumb and naïve but is actually very smart and is usually the one saving the Turtle's from certain doom. I also love the little detail of her having a gap in her teeth. Really brings out the childish nature to her character. My favorite part about Renet is how much of a fangirl she is, literally representing the entire TMNT fandom. From first meeting them Renet has so much faith and trust in the Turtles because of what she's read about them in her history books. They are her heroes, she believes in them and knows in the end they'll save the day. The very concept of the Turtles befriend a time traveler from the future was another thing that was underused and could've open the door to so many cool new stories and adventures, but like many characters, she was underused and only came back when need, like for a Halloween special of all things. I'm really surprised Mikey or any of the Turtles didn’t mentioned her after the Earth was destroyed by the Black Hole Generation, remembering what she told them about how they've saved the world so many times.

I know some people find controversy with her romantic relationship with Mikey nowadays because of them both being from different time periods, but I still find their dynamic very sweet and entertaining to watch. As best friends or as romantic partners, you got to admit that they are fun to see together. She understands Mikey and never judges him for his weird antics/ideas and Mikey finds her quirkiness adoring and always makes sure she is safe.

A little nitpick I have is with her character design, mainly when we see her without her helmet. Her hair model design doesn't look good, like it looks like she's wearing a wig that they just slapped on her at the last minute. Which sucks cause in her concept sketches her hair looks very good, with having a more proper hair line, but since the braid crown is playing as her hairline in the 3D model it doesn't look good.

Also, technically Renet is the most powerful ally the Turtles have because of her weapon alone. Why does no one talk about that?? The Turtles are lucky that Renet is on their side.

Mona Lisa/Y'gythgba

SHE IS MY QUEEN AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH!! <3

Next to April, Mona Lisa also gets a lot of unnecessary hate, but I know why she gets hate. It those toxic whiney Raphael fangirls who can't accept the fact that he's fictional and is happy with an actual girlfriend so now they can't have him or ship him with their self insert Mary Sue OCs. A true Raphael fangirl, like myself, would be happy for Raph that he found someone who loves and respects him for who he is.

It's already obvious that Mona was another underused character in this series. I absolutely LOVE the space arc in season 4, but the concept of the Salamandrians, though cool, were very underused despite the Turtles fighting a Salamandiran before (Newtrailzer). If you ask me, Mona and Sal should've been more present during the space arc and they should've been there helping the Turtles when they were fighting the Triceratons on Earth at the end of the arc. This choice could've given the writer's the opening for Mona to start living on Earth sooner and join the Mighty Mutanimals during mid season 4 instead of saying she joined the Mutanimals in season 5 but never see her with them! (I'm still so mad that they got our hopes up that we'd see Mona interact/become friends with the Mutanimals only to find out that we will never see her again after When Worlds Collide) I have actually wrote a whole post on how I would've included Mona in more episodes, give her more time in the spotlight and her joining the Mutanimals sooner: LINK.

Mona being a lieutenant for the Salamandiran army already says a lot about who she is and what she has been through. You cannot tell me that this woman as killed people and has war trauma! Mona is an interesting character and her personality clashes well with Raph's, even before they became a couple, them butting heads shows what kind of person Mona is. She can be short tempered and stubborn like him and would often jump to conclusions, a fight first ask question later kind of gal. She loves to fight and is a very strong and skilled warrior. She is loyal to those she looks up to and respects like her commander and is a rule follower, but sometimes she loses control of herself and steps out of line, to which her commander has to hold her back. She cares deeply about the ones she's close to and especially shows how much she loves and cares for Raph. Most fans result her to just being a love interest, but she's still her own character and grows as a person from being with Raph. Honestly the push up scene was one of her highlights, not only for being hilarious and showing how in love she is with Raph, but also showing that she's more than a strict serious lieutenant. That scene reminds us that she's still a teenager and is acting her age, even she can't help but break her serious military persona once in a while.

I absolutely adore her and I'm so happy more fans today are growing to love her as much as I do! She's such a great character and its ashamed that we didn't get to see more of her in the show, but I'm happy with what I got.

Shinigami

My only criticism I have of her is that she is underused (I know I say that a lot) and I really dislike that she was forced shipped with Mikey. It was the most pointless decision they did for her character. You can just tell the writer's didn't know what to do with her so the made her a love interest as well thinking that would make her more interesting. That was a dumb decision. Her and Mikey are not a good match for many reasons I won't get into, but here's what they should've done:

Not ship her with anyone cause we already had enough love interests by the time she entered the show.

Ship her with Leo instead of making him crush on his freaking sister. They already wanted him to have a crush on a female ninja from the Foot Clan who's a bad girl, why couldn't they hold it off until he met Shini instead of Karai?

Ship her with Casey as a way to give Casey a happy ending after that whole love triangle drama.

Ship her with Karai cause they were obviously already dating in the show! Shinirai forever!!

Regardless of that poor decision, I love Shini, her design is very gorgeous and creative, and her concept of being a witch brings something new to the series with magic and illusions. I feel there has been wasted potential with her not being involved during the Kavaxas arc, cause come on, she's a witch who specializes in dark magic. Why didn't they have her be attached to the Kavaxas cult in some way? Or have her know about Kavaxas and help the team stop him? Honestly I was convinced at one point that Shini was going to be a surprise villain and she was secretly loyal to Shredder not Karai and betray her during the finale. I made a whole post about it actually LINK.

Overall, I love Shinigami! Next to Mona Lisa she is one of my favorite female characters. I love seeing her teasing April and the others, especially towards her enemies, treating a battle like its nothing more than a game to her. Her loyalty and romance friendship with Karai I adore. She is such a fun character and underrated too if you ask me.

Alopex

She stole the show and she was only in one episode! Once again, another underused female character. Alopex is technically (not counting April) the first female mutant on the show (not counting Karai cause she's able to turn back), and we only get one episode with her. That should be consider a crime, but the episode she was in, she made a damn good impression. We learn of her and Tiger Claw's tragic backstory and you grow to understand why she is so hatful towards her brother for the life he put her through and him supposedly killing their parents. She establishes herself as a badass and continues to prove she is a badass throughout the episode. The way she cut off her brother's tail and later is arm without a second thought and then leaves shows shows how ruthless she is, but her sparring him also shows her compassion and her hope that one day her and Tiger Claw can be a family again.

Her line "Just remember, I could have taken your life" sent chills down my spine when I first heard it.

My biggest complaint is WHY didn't they bring Alopex back during the Kavaxas arc in season 5?! How cool would it have been if the Turtles recruited and teamed up with Alopex to take down her brother!

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