#we go to the same church for worship and like what are we gonna do??? stop going??? fuck no
Text
Place of Worship
Pairing: Gideon Nav x Harrowhark Nonagesimus
Tags: nsfw, smut, omegaverse, mating cycles, heat/rut, knotting, creampie, mating bite, church sex, kissing, groping, teasing, banter, size difference, alpha!Gideon, omega!Harrow
Word count: 2.4k
Ao3
A/N: Time for some omegaverse goodness. But like, really sappy too.
Some of the worst days in the Ninth were the days that Gideon and Harrow were in the thorns of their mating cycles. They were of course separated during that time because no matter how much hatred and loathing they held for each other their hormones were just a little stronger. Thankfully neither of them went through this in the Canaan House but Harrow had after. Like so many times before she opted to shut herself into her room and spend her time learning, reading, trying to kick that need and a want for someone she couldn’t remember out of her mind.
After their reunion there wasn’t much time to dwell on things like heat, rut or any physical desire other then the two of them sucking face until they would be separated by the still very annoying need to breathe. They would do away with that one as they grew more powerful as Perfect Lyctors.
That carefully practiced and honed restraint that they both showed was slowly edged away every time they kissed, every time Harrow opened her legs to feel Gideon rub her cock against her, every time Gideon encouraged Harrow to grind against her until both of them came and then had to take quick showers to cool off enough to sleep next to each other.
Because of these thoughts Harrow now knelt and prayed to… well she wasn’t sure who she was praying to now but it was a habit, one that helped her before. Plus morning prayer was still very much a ritual at the Ninth, so as the leader of the House of course she was the first one to arrive and the last to leave.
“If you wanted me to rail you there’s more direct ways than this.” Gideon walked into the church with her hands in her pocket, not even caring to hide the smell of her rut. It made Harrow clear her throat to avoid choking on the scent. Did the rut just start? Right in time for her heat? Shit.
“Gideon. Good of you to show up for once.” Harrow tried not to pay much attention as the alpha knelt down beside her. She could feel Gideon’s eyes upon her, roaming over her body and making it burn with desire. It was distracting to have her here, but at the same time she knows she would track her down if she wasn’t here right now. Harrow’s pheromones were going all over the place, it made focusing on prayer impossible.
Gideon being there didn’t help, every time she looked over she saw the alpha’s bulge. It too was annoying. But it also made Harrow want it and wonder how Gideon, one of the horniest people she knows was keeping her cool right now. There had to be something she was planning, Harrow just didn’t know what.
To her surprise her prayer went on without a hitch, Gideon was quieter than a mouse. “Are you finally done?” Gideon asked, now looking a little bored. “If you are then can we get out of here or are you kinky and wanna bone in here?”
“Stop being crass Nav. And I wasn’t exactly thinking about boning you. Not everything is about your cock, you egotistical alpha.” Harrow was happy she was so good at lying, otherwise she would feel bad about doing that in a place of worship. “Is that what you came here for? To bother me?”
“Harrow, I smelled your heat starting last night. Thought today was gonna be the day we… you know took things to the next level and all. Could you imagine how disappointed I was to wake up with a raging boner and no omega in my arms? And then when I come here you edge me? Well I suppose that has to be someone’s kink.” Gideon let out a long sigh, as if resigning herself to this treatment.
“I was not edging anything, I was praying, you know this. And if you’re so horny why didn’t you leave, or say anything? I can’t read your mind Griddle, thankfully.” Harrow shivered at the thought of the kinds of things Gideon could think of.
Gideon swept her off her feet in one swoop and placed her on the altar. She grinned as she slowly took off the semi-transparent veil that covered Harrow’s face and held her hair in place. Without it Harrow’s hair almost reached her shoulders now. “This is kinda like the whole kissing the bride thing.” Big hands took hold of smaller ones and held them in between the two Lyctors, “I want to take the next step with you Harrow. Not just sex and knotting. I want to exchange mating bites.”
The omega's eyes widened at the ask. The two have been rubbing their scents all over each other lately, each make out session leaving them absolutely covered in each other's scents to the point their friends asked when the pup was coming. They always had to explain that they weren't mated yet. Or expecting a pup.
And now here Gideon was, asking for a mating bite while both of them were at the start of their cycles. The most sensitive time to claim someone.
"Surely you're aware that if we bite each other now it all but guaranties knotting, which in turn guarantees a pregnancy." Harrow really needed for Gideon to understand what she was asking here.
"I know. I'm not gonna knock you up and then leave you Harrow. Maybe I would have before we left for Cannan House but…" She caught herself before she said anything more. What she already admitted made her look on her past self with shame.
Harrow saw the instant regret in Gideon’s eyes, “Bold of you to think I’d let you leave if you got me pregnant. Then or now.” One of her hands pressed against Gideon’s chest focusing on the heartbeat, so fast, so scared, so strong. “Are you serious about this, that you you want it? You know as well as I that once we do this we won’t be able to take anyone else as a mate.”
She wouldn’t dream of it. “Aren’t we already bound to each other?”
“I… suppose we are.” Harrow was so grateful for her ceremonial makeup on so Gideon couldn’t see her face burning hot. Her hand went lower until it reached the belt of Gideon’s pants. “Let’s move this elsewhere then.”
“Nope. I don’t feel like it.” Instead of moving Harrow else where she pulled her against her, making the omega let out a breathy moan when she felt Gideon’s cock press against her clothed pussy and start rolling her hips.
“This a holy place you oaf. We’re gonna get caught.” Despite both of these things Harrow’s pussy throbbed. It throbbed around nothing, adding to Harrow’s frustration.
Gideon’s pupils dilated when she took in Harrow’s scent, so potent she could almost taste it on her tongue. Harrow would probably taste so sweet. She could finally admit that to herself, she wanted to taste, to kiss, to hold, to make love to Harrow. Before when all those feelings surfaced she pushed them down by justifying it with lust and then tried to jerk off to push her feelings to the far back of her mind. Harrow wasn’t that different, the only difference was that she didn’t try to entertain the thought of fucking Gideon and hated herself when her fingers strayed down to her pussy in the thorns of her heat.
Neither had to hate or hold back anymore, they could love and indulge instead.
But first… Gideon ran to the door and pushed them closed, locking them for good measure and practically danced her way back to Harrow, her face all smug with victory. “Your dashing alpha solved the problem for you, my Bone Empress.” She unclasped her cloak and took her shirt off, flexing for Harrow and wiggling her eyebrows, goading her on.
Harrow couldn’t look at her though, as she started stripping she looked off to the side, first her cloak then waiving away her bone corset and finally lifted her shirt over her head. When she looked back at Gideon she was already fully naked, her cock standing hard, with the tip a red, angry color and strong veins running down the shaft. The omega in Harrow wanted to get down on her knees and worship the alpha’s cock but on the other hand her heat told her she should turn around and have Gideon’s cock in her cunt first, to ease her ache first, both of their aches in fact.
Gideon too practiced self-restraint, with every article of clothing that Harrow shed she could feel her cock throbbing so much so that she had to wrap her hand around it to prevent it from twitching and the knot from forming. She watched with interest as Harrow gathered up her clothing, and then Gideon’s and threw it in a pile on the floor, arranging it in the way sh saw fit. She was nesting. And she was using Gideon’s clothes to do it.
Once Harrow was satisfied with what she’d made she arched her back downwards and threw her ass back, legs spreading slightly, a position that she knew would guarantee Gideon’s cock deep inside her. She read books too, and she was eager to put that information to practice.
“Presenting for me, huh omega?” Gideon got on her knees behind her and swiped her thick cock through Harrow’s folds, gathering the wetness on her dick. “I like it but I’d prefer this instead.” It was very easy to manhandle Harrow onto her back and spread her legs. “Much better like this.”
Harrow looked down to get a better and clear look at Gideon’s size. Was that… three of her fingers? At the very least, plus the knot…
“You need to relax. Else I can’t get all this inside you.” She pushed her cockhead past Harrow’s entrance, “You want it don’t you? You want your alpha’s cock, every fat inch of it.” The words got her a wonderful fluttering sensation around her cock. “Just like that, that’s my Harrow.” The omega whimpered as her hands found Gideon’s and used that as leverage to pull them closer and Gideon’s cock deeper inside of herself.
It stopped at Gideon’s knot. “Fuck.” Harrow already felt to full. “Make me come.”
“Bossy omega.” Normally an alpha would hate being bossed around but Gideon fucking thrived on it because there was no denying that she was the only alpha who could ever fulfill Harrow’s needs. There was no denying that when Harrow held her like this, when she rolled her hips against Gideon’s she was being both submitting and demanding for Gideon’s cock, cum and her knot. “I’ll give your cunt what it needs.” Gideon pulled out to the very tip of her cock and thrust back in until her knot stopped her. She wasn’t gonna let that stop her from going as fast and hard as she wanted to. “You can take it, you can take it, you’ve had it rougher.”
“Much rougher.” Harrow echoed and bared her neck to her girlfriend, offering her whole self to her. Gideon’s thrust increased in frustration as she couldn’t get her cock as deep as she wanted. “Good alpha.”
Gideon groaned, her hips jolting forward at the slightest bit of praise. She was very obvious with her kinks. “So good for you.” The only person Gideon would ever be good for. “Marry me.” From the rare serious look in her eyes Harrow knew that Gideon was serious, although it was odd that she was proposing in the middle of mating. “We’re in a church, we’re gonna exchange bites, so why not?”
“You sappy alpha.” Harrow tightened around Gideon’s cock and tugged her closer, her fangs skimming over Gideon’s neck, “If I didn’t know better I’d say you planned for this.”
“With this rut ridden brain? I’m flattered you think so high of me.” Gideon let her own teeth nibble against Harrow’s neck, teasing her with a bite, each nibble making her cock twitch inside her omega’s warmth. She was ready, she just needed one word from Harrow to seal the deal.
“Yes.” Gideon’s hips kept snapping forward, the alpha growled against the restrain of her knot, “Gideon… I do.” Not only did Harrow accept her proposal but she was ready to take the full step.
“I do.” As those two words left Gideon’s mouth Harrow’s fangs dug into her neck, marking the alpha. Gideon groaned, trying to stop her orgasm until she got her knot inside. “Let me knot you babe, I wanna knot you so bad.” She was almost whining at this point, only silencing her noises when she left her own mating mark on Harrow’s neck. This finally got Harrow to climax, her pussy juices coating Gideon’s cock and knot enough for it to slip inside. They were tied now, Gideon could come, she could fill her omega will all her seed and know it wasn’t going to waste.
Their hips jolted back and forth against each other, Harrow’s legs tight around Gideon’s hips not willing to let go of her mate. With their mating cycles temporarily quenched they could catch the breath a little. Gideon buried her nose into Harrow’s neck, taking a deep breath of Harrow scent, her heat and the distinct smell of sex that clung to her. That combination might be her new favorite now.
Harrow ran her fingers over Gideon’s hair, playing with the ends and then scratching along the undercut, getting another pleased hum from the alpha. Gideon could crush bones and she was putty in Harrow’s hands, no need to fighting or cutting words. “If only I realized what made you tick sooner.”
“What?” Gideon rasped quietly against Harrow’s neck.
“Nothing. Just thinking.” She pulled Gideon into a long kiss, sealing their spontaneous wedding, “We have to get out of here sooner or later you know?”
“Yeah. Need to get some food to keep this thing up.” The Cav wiggled her hips against Harrow’s, accidentally pressing her abs against Harrow’s clit and making her bite back a moan. Or maybe it wasn’t an accident, definitely not judging by Gideon’s wide smirk.
“I want a divorce.”
“No can do. You’re stuck with me now, literally.” As long as they were in a church Harrow could pray that their kids didn’t inherit Gideon’s brand of puny humor.
#griddlehark#the locked tomb#gideon nav#harrowhark nonagesimus#gideon the ninth#harrow the ninth#gideon x harrow#tlt#the locked tomb fanfiction#tlt fanfic#griddlehark fic#omegaverse#omegaverse fanfiction
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
Honestly, Gale and Astarion's Romance routes feel very Hozier-coded?
For Gale specifically, I'd put Sedated, Cherry Wine, Almost (Sweet Music), Wasteland, Baby!, Francesca, and Who We Are. There's that implicit understanding that Mystra broke him on some fundamental level that he feels like he'll never recover from and, even with that pain, he's still chasing her forgiveness and acceptance because that's where he found worth as a person. However, on top of the literal bomb in his chest, he finds himself with an illithid tadpole in his brain, completely abandoned by his goddess under a SECOND, much faster death sentence. Then he meets the player character who gives him a reason to try to live and love again (even in this horrible, fucked up situation) and find worth in himself beyond Mystra and her gifts. Initially, he feels like he has to treat the player like he would his past lover, specifically when it comes to their physical relationship, but the player can help him past that easily. The echo of that relationship is going to haunt him, probably for the rest of his life, but it isn't the only thing in his life, and he's choosing to love the player even in this hellish apocalypse he's found himself in.
Just a little rush, babe, to feel dizzy
To derail the mind of me
Just a little hush, babe; my veins are busy
But my heart's in atrophy
Her fight and fury is fiery
Oh but she loves
Like sleep to the freezing
Sweet and right and merciful
I'm all but washed
In the tide of her breathing
And it's worth it, it's divine
I have this some of the time
You and I burned out our steam
Chasing someone else's dream
How can somethin' be so much heavier
But so much less than what it seems?
Darling, we sacrificed
We gave our time to somethin' undefined
This phantom life sharpens like an image
But it sharpens like a knife
I'll tell them put me back in it
Darling, I would do it again, ah, ah
If I could hold you for a minute
Darling, I'd go through it again, ah, ah
I would still be surprised I could find you, darling
In any life
If I could hold you for a minute
Darling, I would do it again, ah, ah
The same kind of music haunts her bedroom
I'm almost me again, she's almost you
And I love too
That love soon might end
And be known in it's aching
But shown in the shaking
Lately of my wasteland, baby
Be still, my indelible friend
You are unbreaking
Though quaking
Though crazy
That's wasteland, baby
Astarion gets Take Me To Church, Jackie and Wilson, Someone New, Work Song, Nobody, Talk, First Time, All Things End, and First Light. He spends two hundred years feeling like an inhuman monster, twisted into a tool for Cazador only worth his body and honeyed words. Unlike Gale, Astarion sees the tadpole as a gift, saving him from the life of a slave that he never wants to return to. When he meets the player, he recognizes weakness and repeats that same pattern of securing safety with what Cazador taught him. In the end, the right path for the player to take with him is to teach him that he can be accepted and loved as the mess he sees himself as with worth beyond what Cazador broke him down to, and it's an incredible experience for him. They are the first person he truly cared for besides himself and he'd do anything to stay with them.
Every Sunday's getting more bleak
A fresh poison each week
"We were born sick", you heard them say it
My church offers no absolutes
She tells me, "Worship in the bedroom"
Onе bright mornin' goes so easy
Darkness always finds you either way
It creeps into the corners as the moment fades
A voice your body jumps to callin' out your name
But after this, I'm never gonna be the same
And I am never going back again
Don't take this the wrong way
You knew who I was with every step that I ran to you
Only blue or black days
Electing strange perfections in any stranger I choose
I won't deny I've got in my mind now (Hey, yeah)
All the things I would do
So I try to talk refined for fear that you find out (Hey, yeah)
How I'm imaginin' you
A two-tonne weight around my chest feels like
It just dropped a twenty-storey height
If there was anyone to ever get through this life
With their heart still intact, they didn't do it right
Remember once I told you about
How before I heard it from your mouth
My name would always hit my ears as such an awful sound?
And the soul, if that's what you'd call it
Uneasy ally of the body, it felt nameless as a river
Undiscovered underground
She blows outta nowhere, roman candle of the wild
Laughing away through my feeble disguise
No other version of me I would rather be tonight.
And, Lord, she found me just in time
Boys, when my baby found me
I was three days on a drunken sin
I woke with her walls around me
Nothin' in her room but an empty crib
And I was burnin' up a fever
I didn't care much how long I lived
But I swear I thought I dreamed her
She never asked me once about the wrong I did
When my time comes around
Lay me gently in the cold dark earth
No grave can hold my body down
I'll crawl home to her
I'd be appalled if I saw you ever try to be a saint
I wouldn't fall for someone I thought couldn't misbehave
But I want you to know that I've had no love like your love
#merc rambles#merc talks#hozier#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate#bg3#bg3 astarion#astarion ancunin#bg3 gale#gale of waterdeep#gale dekarios#shallow character analysis tbh#but this has been rattling around my brain and I needed to let it out to finally be freed
22 notes
·
View notes
Note
heehoo and aurrel neow!!! /lh
Ouh u pick an interesting pair!!! This going under cut bc teehee details to build to the Pondering. Also this is all very train of thought due to the heehoo Lore so :P
SO UM!!! First up, some things abt Heehoo our lad! And Boohoo, who’s um. Kind of inherently tied to him! They used to be the same clown. Teehee sometimes ur church worships eldritch things and sometimes u do weird magic shit that makes one person two. And it’s a whole thing!! Like um. With Gedian and Echo it was. Less than great in the end. But Heehoo and Boohoo had a great go of it!! They’re besties and holding hands and siblings and heehoo will kill u a million times if u try to hurt boohoo and boohoo will send a god after u for the reverse. They’re silly little clowns together!!! Smth smth comedy and tragedy masks, smth smth two sides of a coin, I love them in short
NOW!! I’m gonna face this as like, just swapping Heehoo and aurrel, rather than the person that was there before Heehoo and boohoo, bc um. I don’t have the braincells to make aurrel 2 guys rn lmao
SO UM!!! The base person would ofc b very different. But also? Aurrel is an ass. Even when he cares someone. He’d um. Be mean to boohoo without thinking abt it and it would Crush him Every Time that boohoo is so niceys kind and 🥺 until he like. Chilled out. He’s still very bitey tho, there’s just less baring teeth beforehand. U get faces and rude words when he’s angry and in a Mood as he is, but as a clown? He’d be very >:3 until he’s actively trying to murder u. Also, by VIRTUE of clownness, he would actually do murder!! Like he doesn’t actually do that as a Revant!! He feels like shit if he hurts someone too bad!! But um. He’d be. Violently protective of boohoo, and that would be a very easy way for him to just be. Very violent in general. Dudes living up to the murder clown image and then some. Sir please stop bringing folks to church just to murder them with your teeth, ur scaring the hoes.
He would eventually mellow out a little with time! …Eventually. And only a little. He um. Would get evil abt it tho. I think he’d dip from the church he grew up in the Second that the Gaze wound up as the host for their resident horrorterror, bc he’s like. Wtf, you’re nice. This isn’t how this shits supposed to work. Fuck off. He’d go kind of just churchless after that, and just um. Would do a lot of murder till he got accepted into the fleet to do cullings for a reason beyond ‘i wanna’ again. Dude grows up to be malicious and fucked up abt it. His thing abt body horror is a point of shame, and um. He goes exposure therapy abt it by being more fucked up. Bestie that’s not healthy. Boohoo is um. Going to therapy abt how she’s. A little glad he left. Dude got scary.
HEEHOO THO!!! Um. He’s still silly little guy :3 but now he’s Ferret instead of Corgi and he go BOING!!! I think he’s still doesn’t really talk much bc he doesn’t have much to say! But he makes a LOT of noises sometimes. Also: fidget toy collection. Cargo pants of em. And now he doesn’t do any murder mostly!!! Not unless someone else starts it for suresies. I think Junie def adopts him quicker, due to the hes more roam around and hang out with random folks. And they’re climbing into places they shouldn’t together!!! Please imagine for me junie and Heehoo Revant sat on a rooftop together. Heehoo is on a box or smth so he can kicky his feet. Are u imagining it for me? He’s so fucking ^-^. He’s also very much involved in rebel activity but shhh we don’t worry about thaaaaat, what he’s got going on with Bill is his business, we don’t need to knooooowwwww-
#bloodline swap#this very rambles!! apologies lol#aurrel squeak: fucked up guy. fucked up. evil little man. gremlin. going to kill u one million times for wearing a shirt he doesn’t like#heehoo revant: silly little guy!!! go boing bc he’s so full of joy!!!!! ur niceys to him just a little and he eyes get real big and sparkly#abt it!!!!! he’s got a lot of feelings and it Shows and he has Never sat or stood still in his Life and he still jingles but it’s pins and#bangles now instead of bells in his outfit. puts him in a box of macaroni like a ferret for enrichment#heehoo#aurrel revant#long post#lunchboxtrolls
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
𝙸𝚃'𝚂 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙴𝙽𝙳 𝙾𝙵 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙻𝙳 (𝙰𝙿𝙾𝙲𝙰𝙻𝚈𝙿𝚃𝙸𝙲 - 𝚃𝙷𝙴𝙼𝙴𝙳 𝙻𝚈𝚁𝙸𝙲𝚂).
content warning applies. change any pronouns / wording if necessary.
so i'll use my voice, i'll be so fucking rude.
i've been searching for a trail to follow again.
i'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife.
this is hungry work.
i was born sick, but i love it.
that's a fine looking high horse.
my skin is rough, but it can be cleansed.
i'm still alive but my heart is beating slow.
'cause everybody makes it 'till they don't.
there is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin.
and there you are to tear apart.
saying you can't depend on anything, or anyone.
she'd do what you taught her, she'd meet the same cruel fate.
did i drive you away?
apologies from my tongue.
i can't breathe anymore.
you're sacred and they're starved.
take me back to the night we met.
my heart is yours.
saw the madness unfold like some primal burial.
i saw the end of the world.
could i make you happy?
don't you wanna know me again?
the capillaries in my eyes are bursting.
i used to know the person i took after.
if the end of the world was near, where would you choose to be?
i made a life i don't remember making.
the calloused skin on my hands is cracking.
and here it is, our final night alive.
yeah, that's what i'll do.
i've been low, but dammit i bet it don't show.
as the atom bomb locks in, it's you i watch tv with.
we're gonna nuke each other up boys.
the only heaven i'll be sent to is when i'm alone with you.
this was an escape plan
i wanna know all you know so i can take what you can let go.
i wanna take you somewhere so you know i care, but it's so cold and i don't know where.
words, they always win, but i know i'll lose.
then i can tell myself what the hell i'm supposed to do.
you've put your final suit on.
i'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies.
go home, don't tell anyone what you are.
the silence haunts our bed chamber
we look much different in pictures, at least that's what most people say.
i looked back upon armageddon.
if somebody hurts you, i wanna fight, but my hand's been broken one too many times.
yeah, i saw sparks.
'm getting fucking tired.
would you panic and hide?
don't go, you're half of me now.
we're going out in style.
let me give you my life.
so it finally came to pass.
the papers say it's doomsday.
i have wounds only you can mend.
i must've let them slip away.
for somebody i thought was my saviour you sure make me do a whole lot of labour.
and i know i was wrong, but i won't let you down.
i don't know what i'm supposed to do.
if our love ended, would that be a bad thing?
i wanna hold you like you needed then.
i know what you'll say.
breathe the air again, it's a beautiful day.
i'm just so tired to share my nights.
they're gonna tell you what you wanna hear, then they're gonna disappear.
living day after day like some primal animals.
the best of me was you.
when the world is silent and the days are long, just you and i, we'll be alive.
i wanna kiss you.
you better keep your head down.
i guess that's love.
why are you hanging on so tight to the rope that i'm hanging from?
so now i've gotta run so i can undo this mistake.
and we would live again in the simplest of ways.
but there you go again, saying everything ends.
i wanna fight, but i can't contend.
i am not the only traveler who has not repaid his debt.
we creep up on extinction.
if our love died, would that be the worst thing?
we made it on our own.
offer me that deathless death.
we would love again under glorious suns.
i know you're a smart man.
it's you that i hold on to.
it's not an act of love if you make her.
and here it is, our final night alive.
i can't seem to let myself leave you.
my church offers no absolutes.
but i promise you this, i'll always look out for you.
i wish this moment would stay with the earth.
as the earth burns to the ground, it's you that i lie with.
at least i've gotta try.
i used to feel it when i'd wake up.
i had it, almost.
i can't seem to not need to need you.
but you spent them with me.
with the freedom that comes with the truth.
it was heaven a moment ago.
brother i'll bet it all gold.
you make me do too much labour.
my feet are aching, and your back is pretty tired.
#prompts#rp prompts#rp sentence meme#rp sentence starters#rp meme#sentence starters#inbox meme#the walking dead rp meme#twd rp meme#apocalypse rp meme#apocalypse sentence starters#apocalypse rp#tlou rp meme#inbox prompts#lyric prompts#lyric rp prompts#lyric sentence starters#deadprompts prompt
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
list of lyrics that destroy me completely when i think about aziracrow
"You know the distance never made a difference to me. I swam a lake of fire, I'd have walked across the floor of any sea. Ignored the vastness between all that can be seen, and all that we believe. So I thought you were like an angel to me" Unknown/Nth, Hozier
(or just all of unknown/nth to be honest)
"We've been living on a fault line, and for a while, you were all mine. I spent a lifetime giving you my heart, I swear I'll be yours forever, till forever falls apart” Till Forever Falls Apart, Ashe and FINNEAS
"I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you. Take me back to the night we met. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you. Oh, take me back to the night we met" The Night We Met, Lord Huron
"For all that was said, of where we'd end up at the end of it. When the heart would cease, ours never knew peace. What good would it be on the far side of things? It was too soon, when that part of you was ripped away. A grip taking hold, like a cancer that grows. Each piece of your body that it takes" Francesca, Hozier
"I would not change it each time. Heaven is not fit to house a love like you and I" Francesca, Hozier
A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes. I screamed aloud as it tore through them and now it's left me blind. The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out. You've left me in the dark, no dawn, no day. I'm always in this twilight in the shadow of your heart. And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat. I tried to find the sound, but then it stopped and I was in the darkness. So darkness I became" Cosmic Love, Florence + The Machine
"Small talk, he drives. Coffee at midnight, the light reflects the chain on your neck. He says, "Look up", and your shoulders brush. No proof, one touch, but you felt enough" "One night he wakes, strange look on his face. Pauses, then says, 'You're my best friend'. And you knew what it was, he is in love" "And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars, and why I've spent my whole life tryin' to put it into words" You are in Love, Taylor Swift
"I've waited a hundred years, but I'd wait a million more for you" Turning Page, Sleeping at Last
"One bright morning goes so easy. Darkness always finds you either way. It creeps into the corners as the moment fades. A voice your body jumps to calling out your name, but after this I'm never gonna be the same and I am never going back again" First Light, Hozier
"You and I burned out our steam, chasing someone else's dream. How can something be so much heavier, but so much less than what it seems? Darling, we sacrificed, we gave our time to something undefined. This phantom life sharpens like an image, but it sharpens like a knife" Who We Are, Hozier
"You say, "I don't understand, " and I say, "I know you don't". We thought a cure would come through in time, now, I fear it won't. Remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light. Now, I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time
Do I throw out everything we built or keep it? I'm getting tired even for a phoenix, always risin' from the ashes, mendin' all her gashes. You might just have dealt the final blow" "And I'm fadin', thinkin'
"Do something, babe, say something" "Lose something, babe, risk something" (you're losin' me) "Choose something, babe, I got nothing to believe unless you're choosin' me" You're Losing Me, Taylor Swift
"Say what you want, but say it like you mean it with your fists for once. A long, cold war with your kids at the front, just give it one more day then you're done" "Head full of whiskey but I always deliver. Jesus, if you're listening, let me handle my liquor. And Jesus, if you're there, why do I feel alone in this room with you?" American Teenager, Ethel Cain
"Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife. Offer me that deathless death, good God, let me give you my life" Take me to Church, Hozier
"you kiss me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever" "I had the fantasy that maybe our mismatched star signs would surprise the whole school, when I ended up back at our class reunion walking in with you. You'd be more than a chapter in my old diaries with the pages ripped out. I am standing in a 1950s gymnasium and I can still see you now" "I broke my own heart 'cause you were too polite to do it. Waves crash on the shore, I dash to the door. You don't knock anymore and my whole life's ruined" Suburban Legends, Taylor Swift
Literally every word of Say Don't Go by Taylor Swift
#this list is not exhaustive#i will be adding to it as i continue to listen to my aziracrow playlist#this playlist slaps so hard#aziracrow#good omens#i made this list instead of studying
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Future dark worlds
So I think most people have noticed by now that the two major Dark Worlds we've been to so far in Deltarune had double-doors as their entrances from the Light World. This is also clearly significant based on the door to the computer lab being changed when chapter 2 dropped. So I decided I wanted to analyze the different double-doors I found throughout Hometown and talk about why I do or don't think they might be future Dark Worlds. (this is gonna be LOOOOONG and also I'm definitely not the first or best one to do this but I think it'll be fun lol. Also I'm going to explain things as if the reader is caught up on all the major confirmed lore, the Spamton Sweepstakes stuff, the cancelled alarm clock app, and whatnot)
So I'm analyzing these options based on a few things:
-Lore significance (if a location is significant to the overall lore of the world, both known and mysterious. So basically if it has something to do with Gaster, parallels to Undertale, potential exploration of character backstories, etc.)
-Narrative weight (The impact a dark world in this location would have on the story, emotional or physical impacts on characters, previous foreshadowing, and if it would be sastisfying, important, or fascinating to the player)
-Known contents (Do we know what's behind those doors? If the answer is no, then the possibility of it being a future Dark World is higher. It was very deliberate that we weren't allowed to enter the computer lab in Chapter 1)
-Vibes (do I feel like this is something Toby Fox would do? Do I feel like the story is going in this direction? my own opinion and nothing more)
-Isekai victims (would anyone potentially get sucked into the Dark World upon its creation? If so, who?)
So let's go over the possibilities I've found.
The second-floor door in Asgore's flower shop.
-Lore significance: Asgore was heavily important to UT. Comparisons between UT!Asgore and DR!Asgore have already been made via his intro. He seems to have made some mistake that got him removed from the police force, so that could be a plot point that this story explores.
Narrative weight: Yes, it would harken back to Undertale's ending. This would emotionally impact Kris, as Asgore is their father. Also, depending on how Chapter 3 pans out, Toriel might get involved as well.
Known contents: Nada. The door is locked and Asgore says nothing about it.
Vibes: Very much feels like something that would happen.
Isekai victims: Asgore himself. Probably not any customers since the door is locked and the Knight or whoever would probably shut the door behind them, as it did with the other two.
The Church.
-Lore significance: Worships an Angel, quite possibly the same Angel from the Legend ("three heroes appeared to banish the Angel's Heaven").
-Narrative weight: The Dreemurr family went to Church often in the past so this may affect Kris in some way. Also a lot of Alvin's words smell like foreshadowing
-Known contents: Nope. The door is blocked by NPCs in both chapters so far. This feels very deliberate; it's not just locked, access is being actively denied to you by other characters.
-Vibes: Strong yes vibes
-Isekai victims: Father Alvin. Monster kid? (wears a cross). Any other church goers
The graveyard by the Church. This is technically a gate and not a door, the view of it is to the side, so in order for this to work the Dark World entrance animation would have to be different, or the Dark World would have to be created with our protagonists already there. Still, I've seen a lot of talk about this one being a possibility, so I wanted to give it the time of day.
-Lore significance: It's near the lore-important Church. Possibly-important dead characters who were also dead in Undertale are buried there. The idea of this does make me wonder though, is it even possible to open a dark world outside? What are the ramifications of that?
-Narrative weight: It would harken back to UT's True Lab and the amalgamates. Also Noelle's Ice-E pizza box story might be foreshadowing?
-Known contents: Yes. You can enter the graveyard as early as Chapter 1. However, there are some as-yet unseen things there. Namely, the things underground.
-Vibes: Idk, how much do you want to lean into Oberon Smog territory? (/lh, no shade to Jaru, i like that theory even if i don't necessarily believe it whole-heartedly). I keep going back and forth on this one, but you caught me on a "maybe" day.
-Isekai victims: Father Alvin, Shyren, Snowy, maybe the Wet-Nosed Bandits?
The Bunker, AKA the bane of every Gaster-denier's existence.
-Lore significance: It would take five goddamn paragraphs to explain lmao
-Narrative weight: see previous statement
-Known contents: One of the biggest mysteries
-Vibes: Mixed bag. On the one hand, it would be very Toby Fox if we never got to see the inside of the bunker. On the other hand, I don't seriously think he's THAT much of a tease.
-Isekai victims: Not sure. Whoever's down there, I suppose. The thought has crossed my mind before that there might already be a fountain down there, but I'd have to seriously think on that some more.
The Hospital
-Lore significance: Unsure
-Narrative weight: Rudy's failing health and the impact that would have on Noelle if he got worse or died (and we know he died in UT's universe). And if our choices to matter in regards to Berdly's fate or health, that could also be impactful. Noelle villain/redemption arc?
-Known contents: Yes, we can enter in both available chapters. There aren't any hidden rooms or locked doors inside as far as we know either.
-Vibes: Maybe. It would expand on Noelle and her family if that's going to continue being important (which is likely because Dess). How much can be done with a hospital theme though? (says the person with infinitely less creativity than Toby)
-Isekai victims: Rudy, Mouthface (idk what their actual name is), whoever is in the east wing on that particular day (might tie in with events from the previous chapter or Weird Route?)
The school's entrance/main hall
-Lore significance: meh
-Narrative weight: We've already had a dark world in the school, though further in. Is this necessary?
-Known contents: Yes; it's literally one of the first places you see in the game
-Vibes: Seems unneeded and redundant, but I wanted to consider it, however briefly, for the sake of thoroughness.
-Isekai victims: All students, Alphys, Toriel (second round?)
the gates of hell Ice-E's P"E"zza
-Lore significance: God I hope not but that one video by HalfBreadChaos at least got me thinking (here's a link if you don't know what I'm talking about https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftQNVAY6KeU )
-Narrative weight: Noelle's Ice-E trauma courtesy of Kris. Would also have minor connections to UT?
-Known contents: Yes, it can be entered in Chapter 2.
-Vibes: please no
-Isekai victims: Pizzapants, all other employees, customers
The Holiday family's house. Much like the graveyard, this is a gate at an angle, so it doesn't quite fit the bill, but I still wanted to consider it. The front door to the house could also be a double-door for all we know but that's pure speculation.
-Lore significance: Noelle's mother having icy vibes seems important in a deeper way. Noelle's potential status as an angel (or the Angel) also gives her lasting importance beyond chapter 2.
-Narrative weight: It's important for a lot of characters. It's Noelle's home, Susie's heavily implied love interest's home, Kris' childhood friend's home. Kris has also been there in the past. It would have an impact on the player as well because a lot of players want to know more about the Holidays and Mayor Holiday's importancce and power has been heavily hinted at multiple times.
-Known contents: We haven't been past the gate and know next to nothing about the house itself (I think the only thing we know is that there's a piano in there somwhere and that's not much)
-Vibes: Seems plausible
Isekai victims: Noelle and Mayor Holiday. Maybe Rudy if he's able to go home (unlikely).
The locked doors in the main hall of Ralsei's castle.
-Lore significance: A Dark World inside a Dark World? Sounds like Roaring time to me. And consider: "But what if it could... get darker than dark?" Alternatively, this could just be Ralsei's way of entering Dark Worlds disconnected from his own (like Cyber World), and if that's the case then this would be less possible probably.
-Narrative weight: We would be coming full-circle, with our adventure starting in the castle and a late-game dark world (because I think it would be late-game) being in the place where we began. It could also pose a threat to the Castle Town we've helped to create and populate (in a Mercy run).
-Known contents: Nothing. It's locked for now (side-note, I'm kinda surprised Ralsei doesn't mention it or ask Ralsei why it's locked when you interact with the door. Just seems like something she would do. Or that Ralsei doesn't try to explain, like he does with the barred off staircase upstairs past the gang's rooms.)
-Vibes: I can totally imagine this being the fountain that completely topples the balance of light and dark into Roaring territory. It would probably by chapter 7. However, I'm hesitant to say that I'm 100% confident in this, more like 75%.
-Isekai victims: Anyone in the castle, really. And they'd probably all turn into stone pretty quickly. Which... happens to be a part of the Roaring prophecy.
Alright, so that's all of the candidates gone over. I think the two most likely candidates are Asgore's flower shop and the Church. Now it's time to discuss the most likely candidates, what order I think they'll come in, and how many more Dark Worlds we're going to visit. That last point might seem odd - there are five more chapters, so four more dark worlds not including chapter 3, right? Not necessarily.
I forget who it was, but I remember a Deltarune YouTuber floating around the idea that chapter 4 might be an "intermission" of sorts. Basically a chapter where we don't get a new Dark World. Instead, we just explore and hang out in Hometown with Susie and visit Castle Town. I really like this idea, but it's pure speculation as of now (Speaking of, this is the pure speculation part of this theorycrafting session, so keep that in mind).
I can also imagine chapter 7 going one of two ways. Either a particularly bad dark fountain gets opened for the climactic dark world, or there are multiple dark fountains opened and we need to deal with several smaller dark worlds in the final chapter. In the former case, the dark fountain would either have to get out of control very quickly, or it would have to be created in such a way or location that the darkness would immediately overflow. In the latter case, there being multiple dark worlds open at once would cause the balance to shift. Maybe we'd have a time limit in which we have to close them all, or maybe we're too late no matter what we do.
So, with all that out of the way, I'm going to present a few formats that I think the future chapters could take. Due to the unknown variables, I will be doing so in a convenient, hastily cobbled-together two-way table that I made in Google docs.
Which one of these do I believe the most?
...eh, take your pick, honestly.
They all have their plusses and minuses, their points and their flaws. I don't want to get attached to any of these ideas either, since any number of rogue elements could prove me wrong once we get the next three chapters.
Since I kinda need something to close out this post which is more impactful and thought-provoking than that indecisiveness, I guess I should address something I mentioned in the beginning. I posited that maybe the bunker already has a dark world inside of it. Evidence to this point includes:
-it plays the Entry Number 17 music slowed down (dark, darker, yet darker) (dark world cell phone audio)
-many aspects of its design and vibe are prime dark world potential
-Kris seems to know something about the bunker, so if you believe Kris-Knight or that Kris has been to Dark Worlds in the past, this could have merit (I'm not sure how much I believe those theories, but still, food for thought)
-It would just be really cool
However, there is a massive flaw with this idea: Ralsei. He claims that the balance of light and dark is shifted by the creation of another dark fountain, and then in chapter 2, he says that he "felt a dark presence" and came to Cyber World to help Kris and Susie. Therefore, he would almost certainly know if there was an active dark fountain in the bunker, and he would have mentioned it by now (it's not the kind of thing you can neglect to mention due to there not being a good opportunity). And I doubt he would be unable to feel the dark presence due to it being too far away or something.
The only way for the bunker to already have a dark world in it and for it to make sense for Ralsei to not bring it up is if he does know and is actively keeping it a secret. Either because he is working with the person making these dark fountains (or at least the bunker fountain), or because that one is actually good to have around... somehow?
I'm a lot more hesitant to accept "Ralsei evil" than some people are, so this doesn't really compel me. So, much like every UT/DR theory I've ever come up with by myself, it looks solid at first but falls apart if you point in its direction too assertively. Still, it made me think. Never hurts to consider this kind of thing.
And with those four hours gone, hopefully I'll be able to think about something else again. Sorry if it's bad Tumblr etiquette for my first post ever to be something so heinously long, I'm new to this lmao. To all 3 people who made it this far in this monster of a post, congratulations for surviving my ramblings.
May the hymn of the Angel sing thee to thy rest.
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
ineffable husbands playlist - post-season two (an angsty list with the lyrics that remind me of them)
STORY OF US - taylor swift (i used to think one day we'd tell the story of us // how we met and the sparks flew instantly // and people would say, "theyre the lucky ones" // i used to know my place was a spot next to you // now im searching the room for an empty seat // cause lately i don't even know what page you're on // oh, a simple complication // miscommunications lead to fall out // so many things that i wish you knew // so many walls up i can't break through)
ITS OVER, ISNT IT? - from steven universe (it’s over, isn’t it, isn’t it, isn’t it over? // you won, and she chose you, and she loved you and she’s gone // it’s over, isn’t it, why can’t i move on?)
SAY YES TO HEAVAN - lana del ray (if you go, i’ll stay // you come back, i’ll be right here // like a barge at sea // in the storm, i stay clear // cause i’ve got my mind on you // i’ve got my mind on you // say yes to heaven // say yes to me // say yes to heaven // say yes to me)
FLOWERS - original broadway cast of hadestown (dreams are sweet until they're not // men are kind until they aren't // flowers bloom until they rot and fall apart // is anybody listening? // i open my mouth and nothing comes out // nothing, nothing gonna wake me now // flowers, i remember fields of flowers, soft beneath my heels // walking in the sun // i remember someone, someone by my side // turned his face to mine // and then i turned away // into the shade)
DRIVERS LICENSE - olivia rodrigo (red lights, stop signs // i still see your face in the white cars, front yards // can’t drive past the places we used to go to // cause i still fuckin' love you, babe // sidewalks we crossed // i still hear your voice in the traffic, we're laughing // over all the noise // god, im so blue, know we're through // but i still fuckin' love you, babe)
TV - billie eilish (i don't wanna talk right now // i just wanna watch tv // i’ll stay in the pool and drown // so i don't have to watch you leave)
TAKE ME TO CHURCH - hozier (take me to church // i’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies // i’ll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife // offer me that deathless death // good god, let me give you my life)
STAY WITH ME - sam smith (oh won’t you stay with me // cause you’re all i need // this ain’t love, it’s clear to see // but darlin stay with me)
SOMEONE LIKE YOU - adele (never mind, i’ll find someone like you // i wish nothing but the best for you, too // don’t forget me, i beg // i remember you said, sometimes it lasts in love, sometimes hurts instead)
WHEN SHE LOVED ME - sarah mclachlan (when somebody loved me // everything was beautiful // every hour we spent together // lives within my heart // and when she was lonely // i was there to comfort her // and i knew that she loved me // so the years went by // i stayed the same // but she began to drift away // i was left alone // still, i waited for the day // when she'd say, i will always love you)
HIDDEN IN THE SAND - tally hall (when you had to bid adieu // said you’d never love anew // i wondered if i could hold it and fall in love with it too // you told me to buy a pony but all i wanted was you)
I CANT HANDLE CHANGE - roar (nothing i do is ever good // nothing i do is ever good enough // nothing i do is ever good // i can’t help but repeat myself// i know it’s not your fault // but lately i begin to shake for no reason at all)
TALKING TO THE MOON - bruno mars (i know you’re somewhere out there, somewhere far away // i want you back // i want you back // cause every night, im talking to the moon // still trying to get to you // in hopes you're on the other side talking to me too // or am i a fool who sits alone talking to the moon?)
LOVE OF MY LIFE - queen (because what kind of ineffable husbands playlist would it be without queen?) (love of my life, you've hurt me //
you’ve broken my heart, and now you leave me // love of my life, can't you see? // bring it back, bring it back, don't take it away from me // because you don't know what it means to me)
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
🐝🐝Okay, just got done researching for my Hazbin OC; time to continue working on my world.
Last time I was working on the magic system here.
But now I'm going to start building the society.
As a recap we made:
Mimics & Tamers
Mimics can copy aspects of specific animals by replacing a part of their body with them.
Tamers can talk to and persuade animals to do their bidding.
__________
First off, let's decide what kind of setting it's going to be.
High Fantasy or Urban Fantasy?
I'd probably make a poll, but I know hardly anyone's gonna read this, and honestly idc.
Let's make it High fantasy, so I can have a giant beehive kingdom.
I'm thinking either the chosen live as nobles and there's a king chosen, or, there are multiple kingdoms with chosen ruling.
Either way, religion plays a major role in this world.
So maybe we have multiple theocracies, all centering around different animals.
Yes they are aware of the other gods, but they don't worship them.
This may also be a catalyst for war, so we'll keep that in mind.
Let's start with one, where the MC will come from.
gonna do a quick animal generator to figure out what they'll be.
Okay, they live in a horse theocracy. The leader can be a pope replacing their head for that of a horse, and his children can be the high priests and such.
Now then, I'm already thinking of story beats, but I'm choosing to hold off on that until I'm done.
We have a few questions that need answering:
Who is in charge?
What are the important laws?
Who are the important people?
What's the average life like there?
What's it's name?
What's it's military like?
How are they as a nation and as a people?
And lastly: HOW TF DOES A THEOCRACY FUNCTION????
Okay let's work on the last one. Theocracy's are forms of government controlled by religious beliefs, typically viewed as being ruled by their god(s). In actuality one guy says he speaks for the gods and really he's just using an old "get-rich-quick-scheme", abusing his role as "the gods chosen."
So lets put some of my "idk-how-I-got-it" religious trauma into this.
This'll explain why the horse chosen put his children in power, so he can control them.
Now if everyone believes in the same religion they could have one theocracy in the world, with different churches ruling land and worshiping a different god.
So this is where the story will start.
MC is in... Mare-y-ment, a land governed by the Equestrian Church. There the Children of the High Priest use their powers to bring the enemies into a disadvantage.
The eldest child (A Tamer) is made Head of Military, and uses Their abilities to cause the enemy horses to run away on the battle field.
Some Mimics sneak into enemy camps at night and shapeshift into horses (by replacing their entire body with that of a horse).
Okay so we figured out what it's military is like (or rather their main battle strategy), it's name (Mare-y-ment), the important people (Children of the Horse chosen), and who's in charge (Horse Chosen).
Now all that's left is What's the average life like there, the important laws, and what are they like as a nation and as a people.
I imagine the finances are evenly spread out, the church would have more money yes, but the commoners aren't as poverish.
I'm not gonna say they make horses stop doing labour, but rather treat them better. So no whips, or continuous strenuous activity without break, if a horse collapses they let it take a break and bring it to the church.
The day the Horse Chosen was... well... chosen, it was marked as a holiday. I'll decide on how the festivals work another day.
So I'm making a pretty good place to live... I'm gonna ruin it.
They say power corrupts, and I shall make it true:
Laws:
Obviously there should be death sentences, so those who kill or disobey orders are to be fed to the soil the Horses eat from.
Or yk, the ripping limbs apart with horses death sentence they carried out in medieval times... when was that?
idk it's taking too long.
... I honestly have no idea how the laws should go, I'm not that kind of bee person.
Maybe a third of every households crops have to go to the church?
I can't think of much that could allow the church to be... well... corrupt.
In our history, one of the things the church did was make people pay for reconciliation, changing even the bible to make people think after life there's only heaven or hell.
So... maybe they lie about the Horse gods wishes saying she wants... 60% of every households finances, even tho he can just raise the taxes, doing this makes people more willing to do it.
Maybe if someone rejects the Horse Chosen's advances he says the Horse God wants them specifically to be a sacrifice, and burns their body.
... Actually that's probably how witches came about.
__________
Next I'm gonna go over general ideas for this world instead of painfully going over every single nation.
Chosen's probably wed their children into other houses to increase influence as well as population of those powers.
The first chosen is the strongest, when they die the god chooses another and increases their strength.
The only thing Tamers have going for them is their status as "Child of X" or smth, but when they fall from grace they're only slightly above a surf.
NO MAGIC SCHOOLS!!! happen too often and it implies a large majority of people can do magic. If anything they're either taught from their parent(s) or they figure things out on their own.
And this is taking too long, I'll figure more out another time.
If you have ideas or suggestions or advice, feel free to tell me.
I'm posting this now, and maybe editing it another time.
_____
Finally editing it after 3 days when I remembered to add a summary of what's been covered.
Magic System:
Mimics can copy the abilities of animals
Tamers can control animals
Both are chosen by gods of the animals.
When a chosen dies, the god chooses another.
Society:
Equestrian Church runs a theocracy
I'm planning on making it corrupt
although I don't know how
#writeblr#writers on tumblr#writer on tumblr#writerscommunity#writing community#creative writing#fic writing#writeblr community#writer#writer stuff#Animals#magic#fantasy world building#fantasy world#fantasy writing#fantasy#medieval fantasy#writing a sociaty#everythin'gs taking too long#fauna#stories
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Trigun Stampede episode 5 liveblog!
Oh already going in with more allusions to christianity, okay.
I feel like I should focus a little bit more on these, but honestly idk who’s speaking and if their philosophies actually are relevant outside of worldbuilding. Here goes anyway!
“We Sinners were cast upon this land when the ark crashed.” -> two important things here. First, the term ‘sinners,’ unless the ark was carrying, like, convicts, this is presumably a basic christian idea that everybody sins during their life. However tonally this doesn’t read like it’s followed with ‘and then everybody is forgiven,’ more like the speaker hates humanity in general, including themselves. Second, probably more important plot-wise. ‘Ark’ - the most likely reading is this is the spaceship that brought humans to the planet. It’s probably not the same one that we saw with child Vash, but since they also had Plants they’re probably related? ‘Crashed’ is an interesting term to use - I’d assumed that the Plants were planned to be used as resources for colonization, as convenient as they seem to be, but I guess it would make sense that maybe the rest of a high-tech civilization just doesn’t know about these guys if they crashed.
Then again, this guy may be totally mistaken, so who knows. He’s certainly got an agenda of his own already.
It has been 8 seconds into the episode. I need to stop overthinking.
“Angel of Salvation” oh interesting. I bet somebody’s gonna try to claim this role.
Oh this is definitely a cult, okay.
wait a second isn’t there a whole thing in Christianity about only worshiping God or an aspect of him? Like isn’t that the (nominal) reason for a bunch of denominational splits?? Certainly seems like the focus here is on this angel and not God.
(Actually come to think of it - I have no idea how the worship of saints is factored into... all of that. Idk if that’s totally relevant though, I don’t think they’re quite deified like this guy seems to be doing)
“Please let the wind blow. Otherwise I...” gonna be relevant later, noted. Also wow that was interesting background music.
Oh it keeps going I thought I could take a break sdfjgkl okay
Two angels now! Okay yeah that one seems pretty obvious at least that’s the twins. Bridge of light, though. Sounds nice, but I suspect it’s rather ominous, esp with it leading them ‘to the land of god’. Like I know that’s kind of how christianity goes but like it also sounds like this bridge might straight-up just kill everybody. Idk what it could be though. Also no idea how this guy knows about them!
Also interesting that this is being broadcasted wide enough that they can just pick it up, I’d assumed this was a smaller-scale cult thing, but maybe it’s more widespread?
Oh details! Church of plant worshipers. New? In JuLai? Yeah that checks out. Assumedly connections to Knives?
Aaand the two people with potentially relevant insight are asleep for this.
Roberto, dude, you good? This is the most animated we’ve seen him I think lol.
Interesting, that place looks a bit like a greenhouse maybe?
EAT THE SACRIFICED CHILDREN, WHAT
Oh it is a death cult
Nope, definitely not a greenhouse lol
Okay interesting now we’ve got meteorological shifts happening
What’s up with this guy’s head?? Is that like a full-on LED display?? It gives him a head-in-a-jar vibe.
Presumably the scenes with the new kid are a flashback?
the framing with the kid running away and every beat the screen size shrinks is really cool, you don’t see that too often!
Oh interesting! So going in I knew Wolfwood had like a limited regeneration/healing thing, but looks like this guy also does, and Wolfwood is surprised about it. That implies that they’re different factions and the method isn’t widespread, so... guess we’ll just have to see what’s up with that!
Ah. He delivered the kid back to his impending death. Wonderful
“If God won’t save you, I will!”
that’s a statement and a half. You know what, not touching that one.
Aaaand there’s a cross in the background behind him. Yeah okay.
Incredibly upfront about being a death cult, wow
Uh. Humanoid robots? Cyborgs? not sure. but with one of Knive’s allies. Which makes sense, but uh. Why is Rollo here? I assumed maybe this was part of the sacrifice process, but its dark and there aren’t many people around. If it is, though, I feel like the sacrifices are related to the aforementioned cyborg-looking guys. Which is horrifying ngl.
ughhh needles
not gonna deal with the fire at all huh
okay. dichotomy of sacrifice and angel. previously the way it’s been used one would assume they’re non-exclusive, but the way she answered that makes me feel like she thinks entirely the opposite. and also that the sacrifices are probably for the angels.
oh lmao more cross imagery. they really don’t let up huh.
ugh more needles hooray
is Rollo the guy they’re fighting now?
huh the angel kid is heterochromatic. could be a design choice, but I guess could be relevant?
oh that looks disgusting. and painful.
yep that’s Rollo. fun times.
oh that’s ironic. he can produce wind, but only now that everything is gone. :(
oh. oh he has self awareness. oh that’s even worse.
wait, Vash could recognize him??
Twenty years, huh? Yeah that makes sense actually, given the wear on the town. And the story about the massacre. Sooooo implication: Vash doesn’t age.
But if Rollo was a breakthrough success like that, why’d they just leave him here?
Okay yeah more confirmation he doesn’t age, good to have that solidified.
Wait. Wait, was this the same religious faction as is going on in JuLai? I’ve been conflating them in my head, but they could be separate. But if the death cult was already well established in the windmill town and Vash was around enough to have a photo of him with a local baby Rollo, how did he not know about it??
“just a monster now” wonder if that’s something he fears for his own future
ah. headshot. can’t say there wasn’t leadup, but uh. oof.
presumably stuff under the mask can’t do the same regeneration/healing we saw before?
“Mercy. There’s no way to return his humanity” Wonder if that is also self-projection.
Wait, okay. The wind returned after Rollo died. Symbolic, or like. Is the implication that the cult was actually onto something?? What.
Okay so further confirmation that it’s all just Knives’ group. Including Wolfwood, which I went into this kind of knowing.
Wait lmao they’re crediting the kill to the gun? The big cross-shaped lazer-firing machine gun with the skull on it? lmao.
Unless they’re using that as a different title for him. Which would probably make more sense actually. Which ah. Conflating him and his weapon. Or could just be his title?
Actually putting that together with the whole Christianity bent gives some weird results not going to lie. If it’s the gun, well it’s cross-shaped and ends up weirdly implying agency?? If it’s Wolfwood, that implies a couple of different roles. None of which, as far as I’m aware, tended to tote a cross around. Then again I have not actually read the bible so who knows.
The windmill still works!? That took me off guard, but it is quite an image.
End notes:
I need to stop pausing and going on speculative rambles about stuff that gets elaborated on two lines later. It has taken me over an hour and fifteen minutes to watch a single episode. This is just silly. orz
I think most of the stuff of interest I covered during the beat-by-beat segment. I think the visuals are getting more interesting? There’s a little less everybody-flopping-around-everywhere, but the animation itself is very good while I find myself more and more interested by the framing.
I’m not actually sure if I knew Vash was somewhere unspecified between unaging and immortal, but I find myself unsurprised. I do wonder about the timeline though.
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Putting this under a read more bc it's gonna be long,
TLDR; I love TBAGG, Greta Van Fleet, and I'm overwhelmed about this new era.
TW: Mentions or religion, death, personal experiences with the baptist church, my pouring out everything I've delt with since 2020 cause I need to let it all out.
I'm feeling so many emotions right now and I'm having trouble processing it all. I knew TBAGG was deep but after listening to Meet The Master I'm not reflecting on how deep that album really goes.
There's a new level of pain mixed with strands of falling in love. It's like I'm seeing the story of the album in 4k now.
When I first discovered GVF I was in the early stages of my deconstructing process as a Christian. I'd just recently made the decision to leave the church and really focus on myself and make my spiritual journey something more personal. The church I attended thrived off of taking people's testimonies and making them a an example. Stealing away the personal aspect of a testimony and molding it to be a sermon. That's why I was so drawn to Stardust Chords, cause I experienced it first hand. That song spoke to me the most after experiencing what I have.
Nothing and nobody can take away how I feel God has personally spoken to me though through Greta. I don't talk about my spiritual beliefs a lot as I don't want to make it seem like I'm shoving it down someone's throat. But, I would love to share this with you all.
in 2019 leading up to 2020 I felt drawn to pray to God to prepare my heart and strengthen me before I attended a 3 day conference called Passion. I didn't know why but I prayed and prayed and i felt so at peace about it. I've never felt closer to God. Passion is held at the Mercedes Benz Stadium in Atlanta so just imagine a stadium PACKED with over 60,000 people worshipping the Lord. It was such a powerful thing. The whole trip I was telling my church group, "They're gonna open the dome I can feel it!" and they would all shoot me down, "They won't", "do you know how much it would cost them to do that? they aren't gonna open it!". After a while I let it go cause maybe they were right.
Well, when Kari Jobe and her husband Chris Carnes came on stage to perform, I was into it, totally drawn in. I feel a tap on my arm from my friend and he tells me to look up, as soon as I did I was hit with the BIGGEST gust of wind that could have rushed through that stadium, it was cold but comforting. It wasn't windy in the slightest that day, but above me was an open dome and a beautiful blue sky. I was moved to tears and so was everyone around me. We felt it, we knew what we'd just experienced.
Later that evening I open instagram to see a post from Kari that I'll link for you all. I was floored and had a new wave of tears flow through me. God heard me. He heard my prayers and he communicated that to me in those moments.
Kari's Instagram post
Little did I know that God was preparing my heart for all the stress and pain I was yet to endure. Days after I get pack from Passion, my Grandaddy is taken to the hospital, upon arrival we see my Great-Aunt there in the ER waiting to be admitted. They were both on the same floor so it made it easy for family to go back and forth. My Grandfather had an ulcer in his stomach, the cauterized it and clamped it. The problem was he couldn't eat anything till he passed the clamp and that could take up to two weeks.
After he started aspirating into his lungs, they ultimately told us there was nothing else they could do and it was time to call in hospice. I felt my world crashing down around me. My Grandaddy was basically my Dad. He stepped up to the plate when my Dad left and helped raise me. A few days after we moved him to Hospice, we heard that my great-aunt had blood clots on her lungs and wasn't going to make it. She passed at 3 am the following morning, my Grandaddy passed almost 8 hours later in Hospice. I had to watch him starve to death, it was the more horrifying things and I'd never wish it on anyone.
Nothing can prepare you for the pain of watching someone you love so much slowly fade away.
That was only January! In February I planned my Grandaddy's funeral and we had his celebration of life. I don't remember much of it since I was under such a thick cloud of grief and depression. Days later, my friend Terra passes away from child birth complications. I'd known her since I was 15, we basically grew up together despite just being online friends. She was like a big sister to me and I admired her so much. I still miss her so bad and wish I had her still to reach out to. She always knew how to comfort me best.
Please stick with me I promise Greta ties into this hell.
In March I was sexually assaulted and almost raped. And then the world shut down cause of covid. Let's just say I'm surprised nobody Baker Acted me.
In 2021, my Uncle passed. He stepped up after my Grandaddy passed to be there for me and I'll forever be grateful to him. The last words he said to me just days before he passed was 'I love you' and I'll always hold that close to my heart.
In 2022, my Mom lost a very dear friend who I always called my aunt, and two weeks later her brother, another uncle of mine, passed. It was all very sudden and unexpected.
For three years I've been plagued with grief and sadness. It's crazy how everything is connected though. If it wasn't for all these events happening I wouldn't have discovered Greta. I downloaded tiktok during the pandemic desperately looking for something to make me laugh or distract me. I wouldn't have had any interest in that app or spent as much time on it if it wasn't for everything. I wouldn't have stumbled across their funky lil SNL performance several times before caving and looking into who tf they are.
I wouldn't have taken the jump to make this blog, make friends, or have this connection that I do to this band. I'm so glad that Josh questions everything. I'm so glad he picks people's brains to find a deeper meaning to life. I'm so glad he and the rest of the band translate all these questions, thoughts, and feelings into songs that I will never ever forget.
Meeting the Maker is so much more to me than a new single. It's closure. It's my light at the end of the tunnel and I feel like I can breathe. This band came into my life when I needed them the most but I didn't realize the depth of that till this morning. The lyric "It's my time to go home" sit so personally to me as that was the last thing my Grandaddy said to my cousin. He told her he was going home to Jesus and he was ready.
This song felt like a final hug from him and I can not put into words what that means to me. The message of the song for me was "I see you! I see you grieving but rejoice! I'm going home to my master! The master is good!" and boy is he ever. I see the Garden as their own interpretation of Heaven, there's no pain, no battles, no darkness, just vast amounts of light, peace, and healing.
In these three years, almost four, I haven't had a moment to process any of the loss I've suffered. Work and other responsibilities didn't stop just cause I wanted to.
This new album Greta is about to release if going to bring me to my knees and I have a feeling they are going to help me experience all the healing I've been begging for.
Nobody can take away what this band means to me.
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
Most people here know Skillet's corny AMV songs like Monster and Hero but albums like Comatose just wholesale capture the experience of being a teenager in an extremely charismatic evangelical church in the 2000s
Anyone who hasn't had that experience does not understand the sheer emotional intensity and the kind of... genuine altered state involved in that kind of "worship"
Like I've had experiences with actual drugs that were less intense than an average worship meeting
And that Skillet album references that 1000x. Of course the lyrics are ambiguous enough that you can spin it as a romance thing, but when we were listening to this stuff? There was total consensus that this about God actually and this is the experience we're having
Comatose:
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you
I don't want to live
I don't want to breathe
Uness I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
I don't want to live
I don't want to breathe
Unless I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real)
I don't want to sleep
I don't want to dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real)
& the aptly named Better Than Drugs:
Feel your every heartbeat
Feel you on these empty nights
Calm the ache, stop the shakes
You clear my mind
You're my escape
From this messed up place
'Cause you let me forget
You numb my pain
How can I tell you just all that you are
What you do to me
You're better than drugs
Your love is like wine
Feel you coming on so fast
Feel you coming to get me high
You're better than drugs
Addicted for life
Feel you coming on so fast
Feel you coming on to get me high
Like, when it comes to that kind of religious group, this is not a bug, it's a feature. And that experience is intended to be your coping mechanism for absolutely everything, it's gonna take all your pain away
It's also a feature and not a bug that they targeted teenagers with a history of trauma for conversion
In a shocking twist it just set me up for a lifetime of substance use issues once I left the church because I needed something else that was going to do the same thing for me
#posts#personal#ex christian#exvangelical#cults cw#disclaimer that said church was not strictly a cult but the features are enough I don't feel comfortable NOT warning for it#more on that in my next post#religious trauma cw
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
1 for no specific reason <3
OKAY. so.
there are actually two answers to this: one is an original piece and the other is a fic. i'm gonna talk abt both, but separate them into two posts. in the reblog, i'll talk abt the fic. for now, i'm gonna start with the original piece, titled "contradictions."
the entire poem (poem? prose? some word that starts with a p) is very disjointed, narratively speaking. it honestly reads like the frantic thoughts of someone mid-panic attack. the only real thing that connects every paragraph are the bible verses.
thou shalt love thy god with all thy heart; god created man in his image; an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth; i will not let you go unless you bless me!; i will not let you be lost or forgotten; and do not be afraid, for i am with you always.
they come up in sunday school, baptism, in the whispered and usually fraught discussions of faith the narrator has with their mother. at first, these verses are very dear to the narrator. it's god! how could it not be? god, who their mother talks about with such singular adoration. god, who you should love above all things--that isn't so bad. after all, god loves you above all others, too. it's only fair.
but that's the thing, isn't it? an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. you are alive because i will it, god says. it's very transactional! and the narrator starts to hit that age where this conditional love is the opposite of comforting. you're a sinner. you're guilty. how can a moral criminal ever be loved by a perfect god if they don't worship the latter? grace grants you the privilege of love. hence, i will not let you go unless you bless me!
even worse, that love does not protect you of all things. i will not let you be lost or forgotten. but you can still be taken advantage of (in the poem, the narrator is raped--by what is implied to be a member of the church--and relates it to jesus' crucifixion in a frantic attempt to make sense of what happened.) is this martyrdom? i thought the church was meant to protect me. but the institution of catholicism was never meant to protect you. to borrow a phrase, (the church's) god loves you, but not enough to save you.
it's a cycle! this trauma of faith. it is passed onto you generation to generation. a trauma that stretches all the way back to eve. do not be afraid, for i am with you always.
the narrator's life is completely reshaped by this, put into an entirely different perspective. all those years ago, their mother took them to be baptized on the same altar she was married on. she said prayers over them afterward. the mother wanted a servant of god, one who would be loved and cherished and ascend on judgment's day.
but that doesn't happen.
i’ve grown wary of mothers since mine said the idea of me in her head (so lovely, so holy) is hard to reconcile with the real thing. on sundays, she takes me to the altar she grew up on, murmuring every blessing and prayer she knows, saying, thou shalt love thy lost eye, thy forgotten tooth. then she slits my throat, gathers the arterial spray into a golden bowl, and says she’s sorry, baby, she’s so, so sorry, as she pours it over the altar.
class, what is our lord’s great and first commandment? be afraid, for i made you in my image.
the only way for a failed catholic to be redeemed is to be martyred in some way. pain and suffering brings you closer to the lord. so the narrator is sacrificed in the very place where it all began, blood poured onto the altar to be consumed by the church. sacrificed by a devastated but unwavering mother. you can't escape god (be afraid, for i made you in my image.) how could you? god is your mother.
the crucified christ on my rosary says, i will not let you go, for i am with you always. and he is. he’s in the bathroom mirror, both of us looking at where we bloom red, and he promises me he can kiss it away.
god is the suffering. god is you.
6 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi curious baha'i anon again !! I got busy w school and didn't get a chance to properly look at Tumblr until recently 😅
I would LOVE to know about the music though, and what the children's classes were like/what was generally taught. I've always thought the religious education my family's church and grandparents (separate) church provided was lackluster and actually taught very little so I'm curious if that differs in other religions.
you mentioned feast days and other specific worship days, idk if you know about Catholic holy days of obligation but it's basically there's a ton of feast and celebration and worship days but there's a specific list that's the Most Important and you Have to attend mass on those days if you're physically able otherwise it's considered a sin (Xmas + Easter being the biggest, but technically every Sunday is also an obligation), is there something like that in bahá'í with the feast days and worship days? like certain ones are "lower stakes" compared to others? And along that same line of thinking, is it viewed (socially or religiously) as bad and/or a sin (unsure if the concept of sin is even prominent tbh) to miss days?
also I want to reiterate that it's totally fine if you don't want to answer these asks ^^ I don't want to burden you or anything
You're good! I'm also a little busy currently--gonna write an entire essay tomorrow so, fun. and don't worry, I answer and offer because I'm entirely willing to talk and share about it :)
To answer your question, music would be done a few different ways. Frequently it'd be on CDs, which people would bring to feasts (my family has a few), or it would be sung live. If it was a children's class, it'd usually be a song in English, often the adaptation of a prayer to make it more memorable for kids (sometimes with made up dances, too). Then, on holy days during the equivalent of mass, there'd frequently be singing/chanting live in Farsi (because the faith originated in Persia/that area). Just community members--and they were always great at it, too
This isn't one of those, but this song in particular is ingrained in my memory, because they'd play it on the big projecter every single time the Martyrdom of the Báb came around. And since I don't speak Farsi I can't recall any specific ones of those, but here's an example chant. Also in looking through YouTube playlists, I found this song, Strive, and we 100% watched this video and sang this song at some point. Same with this one. So those are a few examples, but there's a lot more.
As for children's classes, they'd go something like this: everyone shows up, mingles until the hour starts, then all the kids get together in a circle in the big room at the back. There, this one old lady who's been there as long as I can remember (who I won't name) would lead us in a few prayers, those prayers turned into songs I mentioned--maybe full songs from time to time if the adults joined in. Chatting a little, touching base. Then the littlest kids (under 5) would go with their teacher to mostly do crafts with some stories told about the faith, mostly just keeping them occupied.
Those 5-10 would go to the actual children's classes, where what you learn depends on who you're with. That lovely old lady was my teacher from 5-10, and every week she'd prepare these worksheets for us to read through. usually it would be about different prophets (abraham, mohammad, etc) and different important events in the faith's history (e.g. what is Ridván and why do we celebrate? who was martyred and why?). An emphasis on Bahá'u'lláh and the people closest to him (like his son 'Abdú'l-Bahá), as he's the main figure of the faith. She'd tell us stories with the handmade worksheets as references to take home. And every week she'd have some kind of craft for us to do (suncatchers, making pillows, etc.) while we talked about the topic of the week. I might have the worksheets buried somewhere in my house. Ah, here's a couple photos:
Then there's 11-14, which is Junior Youth classes; these are much smaller because there's fewer people in that age range. My classes were held at the center (same place as the children's classes), but there would be other groups that would meet at people's houses or other places. Once again, depends on who's teaching what you learn, but in mine we went off this series of workbooks. They were basically about practicing virtues (patience, generosity, etc.) in one's life. They'd present a scenario and ways it could be handled, and then we'd do little written exercises discussing the choices made--which were virtuous, how others could be better, what we would do, etc. Lot of discussion. There would also be different prayers/writings to memorize or read. I unfortunately don't think I have these still to take pictures, so you'll have to imagine.
Then when you hit 15 you're an adult in the faith, and until you're 30 you're considered a Youth. There are Youth groups and such where you continue this kind of thing, just with other Youths as a full. equal participant instead of being taught. I never did that, but I do think I would've been adequately prepared; I've forgotten a bit since, but I had a pretty thorough understanding of the foundation when I turned 15. Of course there's always more to learn, but it was solid--in my opinion
As for obligation, based on my experience, I wouldn't say it was ever like you HAVE to attend or you're sinning. The concept of sin...exists, I suppose? Like the word appears in some writings, but not like what I've seen of Catholic and Christian sin--and we don't have a hell or damnation. It's less that you're sinning and more like it's a poor choice/action to make, and you should stop and reflect on it and the distance this puts between yourself and God. And then make better choices that bring you closer to God. Because in the afterlife there's no heaven/hell, it's more just how close you are to God. if that makes sense. I'd never hear the word sin spoken, the closest thing we'd have was talked about in terms of having an absence of God
And there's no one way to measure how close you are, so not attending the celebrations of certain Holy Days doesn't solely determine that. Some are more important than others--e.g. the Bicenntenial of the Twin's births was within the last decade, which was really really big, so people really wanted to attend. But people missed children's classes all the time. And feasts. No one was ever pressed about someone missing--unless you were a kid looking forward to seeing someone your age who turned out to be absent. Attend when you can, but you can be incredibly close to God even if you don't, which is between you and him, so there was no judgement I saw (again, reminder. this is all my personal experience raised Baha'i in America). Though often the most devout people attended more often--not because it's sinning not to, but because they wanted to attend more. If that distinction makes sense.
Anyway, that's a little snapshot of what it was like--I'd be happy to answer further questions from anyone if there are any. I could go through the children's class workbooks and share some of the people covered, explain some of the holy days (like Ridvan), share some of the prayers, etc. hope this helps :)
#the baha'i faith#quil's queries#nonsie#if I find the jy books i'll share some photos#and when I say 'teachers' i use that word losely#it wasn't like a class class#it was more a big discussion and one or two people happened to be in charge#and know a little more#like in my jy group it was this one young adult and this other adult whos a family friend#i've babysat his kids and weve played dnd together#so like. very informal very community focused#its not strict at all#at least not here#it may be other places#oof transcribing those images is gonna take me awhile wish me luck
1 note
·
View note
Text
Thursday, October 19, 2023
This is my second and last visit with Jacquie, Kimmer's aunt, before I leave tomorrow morning. In many ways, it's the most profound of the two visits if for no other reason than we'll not see each other again on this side.
That's not the only reason, though.
We'll get to that in a moment.
Today we're here around the same time as yesterday. Kimmer's cousin has about an hour head start with his mother but assures us that she's been sleeping most of the time. Unlike the previous visit, Jacquie's spending more time sleeping. Her eyes are closed more than yesterday, her breathing's not as obvious, and she's not at all communicative. As if we're here visiting in the middle of the night.
No words for awhile when we arrive. No attempts at words. No movement, really.
She just is.
Jacquie's mouth is more closed than the day before while she's sleeping. I ask Kimmer why this is and Kimmer explains to me it's because today Jacquie's taking shallower breaths.
Oh.
Also, she's not responding to our prompts as she did 24 hours before. She's not responding to the same stimuli.
She has more of a coma vibe going on which is unnerving at times.
To check on Jacquie's basics, Kimmer fashions Jacquie's wrist with an auto blood pressure cuff, waits a moment while it does its thing, until the cuff calls out the results.
Totally normal.
Given Jacquie's nebulous condition, Kimmer asks out loud
"How do you do that???"
And in what I'll always remember as a classic moment, Jacquie, without opening her eyes, perpetrates a huge shrug of her shoulders while she's laying in bed. The universal sign for
"I dunno."
There's gonna be a lot of moments like this today. Straight up body language. Nonverbal. With eyes closed.
By 'n by, it's time for Jacquie's son to take his leave. He leans in to say "bye mom" and I catch that moment because it's so natural, as if set somewhere outside this room. As if he's a teenager back at home heading out the front door, turning his head, saying these two words over his shoulder for the briefest of moments...
"Bye mom."
And then he's away.
At some point, Kimmer asks Alexa to play Keith Green, a worship music favorite of hers from back in the day. I think the music's similar to the kind of music performed at Jacquie's long time church. The reason I think this is because this music and not, for example, the soundtracks of Fiddler on the Roof, God Spell, and Jesus Christ Super Star don't elicit the same response.
Same response?
Yeah. Her hands and arms begin to move over her head, then come down a bit tracing slowly elegant patterns in the air above her body.
The motions aren't immediately defined for me. I mean, it's not obvious what they are, what they're trying to be. They're a kind of drowsy, deliberate facsimile of an almost lost memory. It's only when that old Methodist tune "Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty" hits Alexa's speaker and Jacquie's arms go up immediately that I make the connection to the raising of hands during worship services.
Eventually the music ebbs... yet Jacquie is still in that moment. Arms and hands continue moving a little bit. Head from side to side a little bit.
So Kimmer asks her gently
"Are you in Dreamland?"
Jacquie softly groans as the next song picks up.
Later, Kimmer decides to have a little fun with her aunt because Jacquie's birthday's this coming Sunday. 81 years old. There'll be a little german chocolate cupcake party for her and, in order to talk it up, Kimmer declares
"It's your birthday on Sunday. Yeah, you'll be eighteen years old!!! Don't you feel eighteen years old?"
I immediately look back to Jacquie and, hand to God, she responds with the facial equivalent of a shrug. The right side of her lip pulls up a bit at the same time her right eye sort of winks, and her right cheek compresses.
Hand to God.
A facial shrug, it was so clear to me.
Behind it all, the music's still playing, Jacquie's hands continue to trace patterns in the air, and then her hands settle on the plush elephant resting atop her chest. Slowly, deliberately, she uses both hands to grip the elephant then turns to me and says something that seems like it starts with the word "what".
So I say
"I don't know... what do you think?"
She responds with words I don't understand so I begin arranging the plush elephant in front of her so she can hold it more easily.
While I'm doing that, though, she looks directly at me and says
"Bear."
So I move the elephant to the bottom of the bed and I place the bear, the birthday bear, onto her hands.
She has it rest like that on her hands for awhile. Her eyes closed.
By 'n by, her eyes open again briefly and Kimmer says
"Hi Jacquie! How're you doing, sweetie?"
Jacquie begins to carefully lean her head up and forward. Then slowly, she greets Kimmer.
"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii."
The greeting begins well, not a ton of energy, though, and then slips away.
Kimmer encourages her.
"It's your bear, Jacquie. It's your birthday bear!"
And then
"Do you want me to sing you Happy Birthday?"
Jacquie's head lowers back onto her pillow. Her eyes closed. And Kimmer begins to sing slowly in her clear alto voice.
A birthday song for her favorite aunt.
She sings it all the way through from where she's sitting midway down the edge of the bed, leaning toward and above Jacquie as Jacquie sleeps peacefully.
Later, Kimmer asks her
"Are you still with us, Jacquie?"
From wherever she is in that moment, Jacquie musters a
"Yeaaaaaaah."
So Kimmer says
"Hey sleepy girl. I love you."
And Jacquie replies with a lazy
"Mmhmm."
Time passes.
The moment that catches me next is Keith Green, now singing from Alexa's speaker the song "Make My Life A Prayer To You". The moment's not even the whole song but a tiny piece of it.
"From ourselves and our despair, it comforts me to know you're really there."
I look up just then to catch Kimmer simply smiling at her aunt.
I don't know what to tell you. My mind naturally tagged that image as something special.
If I've not mentioned it yet, I'll mention it now. We've each been holding one of Jacquie's hands this whole time. I'm holding her right hand. Kimmer's holding her left hand. This is our unbroken connection with Jacquie while we're here. Through our hands we're communicating what we feel as we feel it. Not intentionally. That's just how it works when you're holding someone else's hand in yours.
Time passes some more and, when I dip back into the moment, Keith Green's singing his song "(Until) Your Love Broke Through". He just reached the chorus that begins with the words "Like waking up from the longest dream..." which is where Kimmer's alto joins him in an easy way.
After a bit of this, Kimmer asks Jacquie
"Is my singing bothering you?"
And from wherever Jacquie is just then, she replies
"Nooo."
☺️
A little later on, Kimmer reminds Jacquie
"I love you. And we love you very very much. I've always felt loved by you."
Followed by this:
"We're two peas in a pod."
That's true, by the way.
They are.
In the end, Jacquie did make an appearance. In a different way, sure, but she did show up.
Kimmer and I talked about it later, trying to put our fingers on What is this version of Jacquie?
I wanna say lucid, but that's a hard sell when someone's eyes are closed most of the time. So instead I'll say intentional. I'll say deliberate.
Jacquie's hands and arms moved at her direction even with her eyes closed. When her eyes were open and she had something to say, she said it while looking at the person to whom she was speaking. In our final half hour, it struck both Kimmer and I that Jacquie was trying to communicate a lot of something to Kimmer. At one point, she had her right hand cupped behind Kimmer's back, she held eye contact with Kimmer, and sometimes she would touch or brush Kimmer's chin with the finger or fingers of her left hand.
Intentional.
Deliberate.
Like she was trying to tell Kimmer something.
In a way, it's the most communication, a largely nonverbal communication, that I've seen from Jacquie over the last nine months and change.
She sustained it longer, is what I'm getting at. Even when it wasn't words. But then even when it was words, words we couldn't understand, there was tone enough in her voice to get the gist. Along with eye contact.
Along with touch.
When we left, I didn't give that moment a lot of forethought.
I bent down low to wrap may left arm around Jacquie's back from the right side of her bed so I could embrace her as fully as possible. Then I kissed her right cheek and said
"Good night, Jacquie."
And then we were away.
#hospice#family#end of life#dementia#love#peace#laughter#joy#sadness#grief#being present#physical touch#personality#character#sharing life#compassion#empathy#friendship#kindness#patience#gentleness
0 notes
Text
Angels & Demons 😇👿 - A Transparent Series of Thoughts from A Girl Trying to Follow God While Living in this Traumatic World
By Autumn M. Ritchie
Episode 1 - The Struggle to Want to go to Church
😇 Angel Thought: I need to go to church. I need to keep feeding my spirit so that I can handle different obstacles in my life better. I don’t want to wake up one day & regret not going. I have to go because if I sit on the couch & read, I’m gonna feel guilty & not be able to enjoy these books. I could stream it, but that’s literally not the same.
👿 “Demon” Thought: I don’t feel like going to church because I’m tired. I’m gonna have to skip my coffee until I come back home because I don’t just want to guzzle it down. 😒 I don’t really like the worship music anymore. We have to stand for waaay too long. 🤦🏾♀️ I wonder what they will say if I just sit through praise & worship. I could just stream it.
Author’s Note: This is something I’ve thought about doing for a while now because I just want to be honest about my walk through faith. Because it’s not all me just skipping through fields of flowers. I love God with all my heart…but life can also be very brutal & can challenge your faith. I feel like people at church are not always honest about their conflicting feelings about their faith & it leaves you to feel like a bad Christian if you can’t measure up. I truly do struggle with wanting to go to church because sometimes I’m just tired & want to stay home & do other things. Also, when I first started going to my church, they did have different music & I just miss it.
0 notes
Text
I did say you keep pushing your beliefs down my throat I’ll do the same in return. I stand for what Is right even if I’m standing alone. I knew all along I have a purpose not realizing this is what it is. Reaching out to anyone who will take a minute to listen. This isn’t common ground we are standing on.
First John 2:4 sure you’re not going to like that.
Mathew 5:10 getting on the right track
John 14:15 gonna fight that
This is good vs evil what side are you on?
Proverbs 17:15 stop justifying wrong
Proverbs 28:1 the hill I’m dying on, a man gotta he a man. Better repent, for the kingdom of god is at hand.
We are living in revolution, and I know we are on the brink. We are at war and the enemy is closer than you think. Lies get louder and the truth goes unnoticed because of all these shrinks. Preachers are preaching the wrong teachings and so many are afraid to expose them. Joel Osteen being one of them. It’s not to late to turn from sin stop failing the test and repent now because you can’t do it when it’s over. Beyoncé and Rihanna being icons and being worshiped like they can save you, they can’t, but Christ can! You are just blinded by the truth you need to read Revelation 21:8
Carrie underwood sang Jesus take the wheel, Jesus is my Chauffeur. The Holy Spirit is my Hype man. The Father sent his Son that’s his right hand. Y’all need to wake up, read the Bible, buy a rifle cause it’s coming down to survival. Y’all need the gospel, but you rather be hostile. I know you was told Satan is coming for all our souls. Killing babies just took a toll they want division while they take full control. Lukewarm Christians are getting lead by the blind following these fake preachers who are sending them to Satan’s door every time. If you see rainbow flags outside it’s a fake church, how can you disrespect the Man that made earth? I’m telling you we are coming to the end of times, better start acting right.
The titanic sank, but Noah’s ark didn’t let that sink in.
1 note
·
View note
Last Seen Blogs
jokakoxitef
Untitled
andresbonifaciocrib
Indigo
scottishoctopus
"𝔇𝔬 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔣𝔢𝔞𝔯 𝔡𝔢𝔞𝔱𝔥?"
superhglg
WELCOME, TO THE MAIN ACC