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Toronto people! Need furniture for cheap and can pick it up literally today (Monday April 29th)? I'm in the Annex, moving, and need to offload a bunch of stuff asap as in either before 5pm today or at like 9am on Tuesday. You have to come get it though and if able, ideally pay me like $20-50 cash for most things but if you are in a bind, I'm fine giving them for free.

Items that must gtfo:

-Blackbrown Ikea Malm double bedframe that lifts up for underbed storage*

-Small blackbrown Ikea table with 2 chairs (danderyd/ingolf I think)

-32" tv

-tiny blackbrown ikea tv stand, whatever their cheapest smallest one was. Free with tv if you want it.

-Small grey couch with double pull out bed*

-Brown faux leather armchair (sears rip)

-Black desk with one large drawer across the whole width. Has scuffs but 🤷‍♀️ (sears rip)

- Black 5 drawer dresser (sears rip)

- Portable AC unit. There is a tear in the hose that can probably be fixed with duct tape, but I leave that to the new owner.

- 2×4 Ikea Kallax in grey

- Half sized grey bookcase (wayfair)

Message me if you want something and can come get it. I can take pics in the morning if you ask for them too.

*bring 2 people. My back sucks and I cannot help you carry them. Also bed disassembly is up to you if desired but I do have tools you can use on this end.

Vivienne Westwood Orb Lighter Pendant in Nana

so like everything is real and we just have to deal with it huh

aria da capo by Javier Pérez

2008, sculpture, polyester resin, horse manes dyed in red, carillon by Reuge Music (limited edition)„ motorized mechanisms, mirror, 280 x 110 x 110 cm. View of the Javier Pérez exhibition “Objetos del deseo" at the Espai Quatre, Casal Sollerich, Palma de Mallorca, Spain, 2009

GOSSIP GIRL (2007 - 2012)

I've felt a hole like this never before and ever since.

Hey, shout out to systems with "frustrating" or "socially bad" traits.

systems who seem indecisive, "hot and cold", disloyal, dishonest, etc. to others due to subtle switches, passive influence, being median, amnesia barriers, etc. between headmates with very different opinions, wants, and moods

systems who have headmates with "scary" attributes/symptoms, like hallucinations, delusions, anger issues, hypersexuality, low/no empathy, selfishness, need for attention, etc. especially those afraid they're perpetuating the "evil alter" stereotype

systems who never know who's fronting. especially those with memory barriers, those who struggle with feeling any sense(s) of personhood, and/or those who struggle to keep close bonds with people due to this

systems who struggle with meltdowns, tantrums, outbursts, pathological demand avoidance, poor sense of social norms, and other tendencies/issues that make being social or just existing in public difficult

systems with fluctuating sexualities and/or triggers that make it difficult to remain with a partner/partners (or to date in the first place)

systems who infight in-system and have trouble making decisions without intense internal backlash

systems who have trouble keeping self care (and may go out of the house dirty/disheveled) due to other mental illness or due to frequent fronters being unmotivated, forgetful, or having sensory issues or triggers that interfere with self care tasks

systems whose "self defense" relies on people pleasing, avoiding stressors, getting overly defensive, or getting angrier than "reasonable"

You are loved, you are appreciated, you deserve to be a part of society, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to be understood and given patience... you deserve to be able to create, love, heal, be respected, be treated like your own age, to lead, to have a voice, to feel safe.

i need everyone to understand that not all medication stigmas are equal or even comparable.

yes, you can experience stigma for going on adderall for your adhd, and you can be prevented from accessing that systemically because the medication is so stigmatized. the premise in a lot of psychiatric structures is often that you should be able to function without your adderall or your anti-anxiety meds, and so you must be forced to do so.

those exact same structures and people are likely to force a psychotic person to go on antipsychotics, because the stigma against psychotics is a stigma against us being unmedicated. we are seen as inherently needing medication, as being dangerous and violent without it.

those two things coexist! some pathologies structurally force individuals slapped with those labels into unwanted medication, and some pathologies structurally prevent individuals slapped with those labels from accessing desired medication. not all medication stigma is equal or comparable. when you see a post offering positivity for people who are unmedicated, it's targeted towards groups of people who are forced on unwanted medication, which is a demographic that exists!

antipsychiatry does not mean the same thing as anti medication. i firmly believe in antipsychiatry and part of the reason is because I’ve seen how hard it is for people to get the meds they actually want. the amount of friends I’ve had who’s doctors refuse to prescribe them meds for their ADHD even though they can prove that it’s helping them, the amount of people I know who want to get psych meds but can’t because psychiatrists refuse to prescribe them meds once they learn that they use criminalized drugs, the amount of people I know who can’t get psychs to prescribe them meds for the symptoms that are actually distressing them unless they agree to be on other meds that don’t help them—easy access to psych meds is a right that goes hand in hand with the right to not be medicated against your will. it comes back to autonomy and how psychiatry gets in the way of autonomy in so so many ways. psychiatry operates in a paradigm where the most convenient justification for the psychiatrists view of cure becomes the one they cling to in the moment. Which means that mad/mentally ill/neurodivergent people who have to interact with the psych system are constantly at risk both for being drugged against our will and for being prevented from taking medication.

mad/mentally ill / neurodivergent people deserve authentic, informed consent that allows us to make the choices about what risks we are willing to take, what symptoms are liveable, and what side effects are intolerable. The psychiatric system has a million barriers that get in the way of this type of decision making, and fucks over all mad/mentally ill/ neurodivergent people, no matter our personal relationship to medication.

& all the handwringing about hurting yourself and coping mechanisms and blah blah at the end of the day does come back to the basic conviction that you can in fact determine what's in someone else's best interest and, having done so, are not only justified in forcing them to live that way, but in fact obligated to do so. well unfortunately 1 you might be wrong and 2 i don't want to live in a world where my every action is mandated to produce Wellness. sometimes something is harmful to a person in one way and helpful in another. sometimes it's the less harmful of available shitty options. sometimes it's fun. the logic that attempts to eliminate these actions through the use of psychiatric institutions & force is the same logic that attempts to eliminate abortions and hrt and casual sex by declaring them unhealthy and self harming. you can't half ass this 👍

content note: discussion of suicide.

this next monday will be the six year anniversary of losing one of my friends to suicide.

when he died, my high school barely mentioned his death, even though for other students who died by things like car crashes or illness, there were so many public expressions of grief. they believed that having any memorials for a student who died by suicide would encourage other people to die the same way. in their rush to erase the circumstances of his death, they erased the memory of his life.

there are so many things i am angry at that high school about in terms of how they treated mental health (mandatory reporting and collaborating with cops, their refusal to recognize the ways in which that system led to peer-to-peer crisis support, their refusal to recognize the ways that trying to keep each other alive through trial and error was scary and exhausting, carceral disciplinary policies, etc etc etc). but i think one of the things i am still angriest about is the way they enforced shame around his death. it felt like they were retroactively blaming him for the constellation of circumstances that made suicide an option in his life. it felt like they were blaming those of us who missed him and cared about him and wanted to grieve him. it made those of us still there who were actively suicidal feel even more scared about the reaction if we did reach out for help from one of those mythical safe adults.

as an adult now involved in psych abolition/mad liberation work, it makes me so fucking mad to see the ways in which he was discarded by people in authority positions. and the older i get, the more options i have found in my life for making sense of the world and finding healing and community and support which were never available to him because he died when he was 16 and the only things offered to him were a carceral psychiatric system that blamed him for his own fucking death. it feels so incredibly unfair.

i miss him and i think i always will; i can't remember his laugh or the sound of his voice or his favorite color any more and that aches. this grief is so heavy and it feels harder in a new way each year, when i become older than he will ever be. sometimes meeting new comrades or seeing new anticarceral suicide support models hurts because i wish so fucking bad that we had that back then. i remember how close we came to losing even more people that year and i know it is simple fucking luck that i'm still here when he's not.

i remember another letter (never sent) that i wrote to a friend while they were in an ICU bed after a suicide attempt when i didn't know if they would live or not. i have spent so much time in the past 10 years begging for anything to keep me and my friends alive, but even in that letter i knew that there is so much fucking violence that is hidden beneath psychiatric logics of cure and safety that promise a "solution" to suicide. I knew that institutionalization, coercion, and shame would not have helped build a life more liveable for him or **** or any of the people i've loved and lost since.

there needs to be more fucking options for care and support that aren't so incredibly cruel to suicidal people. i know so many people doing incredible work in alternatives, peer respite, a million different frameworks for healing and liberation. but it makes me so mad every day i have to live in a world where there are still people restrained, locked up in psych wards, having all autonomy and personhood taken away from them. knowing there are dozens of people every day getting blamed for their deaths the same way he was blamed for his.

i miss him. i cared so fucking much for him. and he died by suicide, and all of those things are true. he has been dead for 6 years and he lived before that and the people who loved him want to remember all of him; our celebrations of his life should not require hiding the way that he died.

Image description: [1000 origami cranes in all different colors and patterns that are tied together in strings of 25]

(these were the 1000 cranes we made to give to his parents, in memorial and recognition of how much he meant to us.)

again. bodily autonomy, fundamental bodily autonomy HAS to have room for people doing things with their own bodies that you do not and will not approve of. if it doesnt, it is not bodily autonomy

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

5.06 | Family