#tw su1c1de mention
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London Bridge
#yungblud #yungbludxsu1c1d4l!reader
Pov Dominic :
Ahhhh c'était un super concert ! L'ambiance, les lumières, les gens qui chantaient ! C'était mental !
Adam pose sa main sur mon épaule et ris.
Adam: C'était un super concert t'a assuré Dom !
Tom: Ouai ! C'était génial mec !
Moi: J'ai rien fait c'est les gens qui était déchainer ! Et puis toi Adam t'étais ouf à la guitar !
Je fait le signe des rockeurs avec ma main droite en tirant la langue et on ris.
Adam: On va se prendre une bière ou on rentre directement ?
J'allais répondre que je connaissait un bar pas très loin, mais j'entendis Tom bailler a côté de moi.
Moi: On est tous crevé, on ferait mieux d'aller se coucher à la coloc'.
Tom: Ouais, je vais appeler un taxi.
Tom s'avance sur le trottoir et lève sa main. Un taxi arrive s'arrête et nous fait signe de monter. On s'installe tous à l'arrière et j'appuie m'a tête sur la fenêtre et regarde le paysage défiler devant mes yeux.
On passe dans une rue, on tourne à droite puis on arrive dans une autres rue.
On arrive sur le grand London Bridge. J'observe l'eau et les quelques bateaux qui flotte. Je regarde aussi les immeubles au loin avec toute leurs lumières allumer.
La voiture me berce et je ferme un peut mes paupières. Pour finalement les rouvrir ne trouvant pas le sommeille, je me redresse et continue de regarder la vue depuis le pont.
Quand soudain je vois une silhouette sur le rebord du pont. Cette silhouette a les bras grand ouvert. Je suis plutôt loin mais je peut voir que c'est une fille de dos. Elle va sauter ! Je me redresse d'un coup et cris au chauffeur.
Moi: Arrêtez vous ! Arrêtez vous ! Putain ! Regardez là bas !
La taxi s'arrête d'un coup. Je montre du doigt la silhouette. Puis je descend du taxi et cours jusqu'à l'autre bord du pont. Je cours jusqu'à ne plus avoir de souffle. Fook j'ai oublié mon inhalateur dans le taxi ! Pourquoi ce pont est aussi large ?!
J'arrive à quelque mètres de la fille. Elle est toujours de dos. Elle à de long cheveux bond mais les pointes sont teintes en bordeaux. Je l'entend sangloter et décide de m'approcher doucement pour ne pas qu'elle m'entende. Je n'ai pas le temps de discuter avec elle, il faut qu'elle descende ! Sinon elle va faire une connerie...
Je suis juste derrière elle et elle ne me vois toujours pas. Elle est debout sur la rembarde en métal, donc sa taille est à la même hauteur que ma tête.
D'un coup j'enroule sa taille de mes bras et la tire en arrière vers moi. On tombe tout les deux à terre et je resserre la prise que j'ai sur elle pour ne pas qu'elle s'enfuis et qu'elle n'essaye à nouveau de sauter.
Je relève la tête, je suis au dessus d'elle. Je me pousse et m'assoie à côté d'elle en essayant désespérément de reprendre mon souffle mais mon asthme me rattrape. Adam arrive quelque secondes après avec mon inhalateur, suivie par Tom. Je le remercie et reprend mon souffle.
La fille a mes côtés se relève alors difficilement puis s'assoie en tailleur, la tête baissée ses cheveux cachant son visage. Je l'entend a nouveau pleurer, alors je m'approche d'elle prudemment et pose ma main droite sur son épaule gauche. Elle se redresse soudainement et se met debout en reculant de quelques pas.
Je vois enfin son visage... Elle a des yeux bleu claire, ils sont hypnotisant. Mais ils sont rougis par ses pleures, ses joues sont trempées de larmes et ses lèvres soubresaute aux rythme de ses épaules qui se baisses et se soulèves. Elle respire difficilement. Je lui tend mon inhalateur en restant loin pour ne pas l'effrayer. Elle me lance un regard remplie de haine mais aussi d'incompréhension et de tristesse. Elle est désespérer ça se voie.
Elle s'avance vers moi et prend mon inhalateur, ses mains tremble. Puis elle balance mon inhalateur par terre et me fout une gifle !
Moi: Mais qu'est-c'qui te prend ?! T'es pas bien ! Je viens de te sauver la vie !
Elle: Justement ! Je t'ai rien demander, pourquoi t'a fait ça ?! Je te connais même pas ! Putain j'avais vraiment pas besoin de ça...
Elle murmura la dernière phrase comme si elle se parlée à elle même. Elle a les mains sur son visage et je l'entend pleurer de nouveau. Elle se rassoie par terre et enfouie sa tête dans ses bras, les jambes sont remontée sur sa poitrine. Je m'accroupis devant elle et l'entoure délicatement aves mes bras.
Moi: C'est bon, ça va aller. Je suis là. Murmurais-je à son oreille.
Elle relève la tête et je remet une de ses mèches de cheveux derrière son oreille.
Moi: Comment tu t'appelle ?
Elle: Coline. Coline Douglas.
Adam: Et t'a quel âge Coline ?
Adam s'accroupis aussi et lui sourit gentiment.
Coline: J'ai dix-neuf ans. Depuis un mois.
J'ouvre en grand mes yeux, puis je me relève et m'appuie contre la rembarde. Ma tête tourne et je sent une main se poser doucement sur mon épaule. Tom se met à côtés de moi.
Tom: Ca va Dom ? T'a pas l'aire bien.
Moi: T'a entendue, elle à que dix-neuf ans... Comment on peut avoir des pensées suicidaire quand on est aussi jeune ? Qu'est ce qu'elle à pu vivre pour vouloir mourir avant d'avoir eu le temps de vivre ?!
Tom: J'en ai aucune idée c'est à elle qu'il faut demander ça.
Je me retourne et vais voire Coline qui c'était remise debout, c'est larmes ont arrêtées de couler et elle discute calmement avec Adam. Quand j'arrive vers eux Adam se retourne vers moi.
Adam: Elle n'a nul-part où aller, elle peut venir dormir à la coloc' ?
Moi: Bien sûr ! Vient suis-moi, on à laisser le taxi en plans depuis tout à l'heure, il va nous faire payer chère.
Adam, Tom et moi rions, mais Coline se fondit aussitôt en excuse.
Coline: Oh je suis vraiment désoler ! C'est ma faute excusez moi les garçons !
Je rigole de plus belle face à sa mine désoler. Je l'a prend pas les épaules.
Moi: Mais non t'inquiète pas pour ça, c'est rien.
Je lui fait un grand sourire et elle souri légèrement. Elle est vraiment belle je trouve... Qu'est ce que j'raconte entre moi ?! On rentre dans le taxi, Tom monte à l'avant er s'excuse auprès du chauffeur qui ne nous en veut pas finalement. Adam est placé derrière le conducteur, Coline est au milieu et je suis derrière Tom. Personne ne parle durant tout le trajet.
On arrive enfin devant l'immeuble et je descend. Pendant que Tom paye - quoi ? C'est son tour de payer le taxi c'est comme ça - , j'aide Coline a descendre. Adam descend à son tour suivie de Tom. Je sort les clefs, on entre dans le hall, puis on montre les escaliers pour atteindre le cinquième étage. Oui, le cinquième... Non l'ascenseur est en panne, depuis quatre ans... C'est du foutage de gueule oui je sais !
J'ouvre l'appartement et on rentre tous. Tom et Adam vont se coucher directement.
Moi: Euh Coline ?
Coline: Oui ?
Moi: Je suis désoler mais il n'y a que trois chambres.
Coline: Et le canapé ?
Moi: Bah y'en à pas...
Coline: Quoi ?
Elle se retourne va dans le salon et regarde les trois pouf qui y sont disposé. Je ris de sa tête déconfite face à ça.
Moi: C'est pas grave, tu peut dormir dans ma chambre. Je suis le seul a avoir un lit deux place.
Elle sourit et me remercie puis on va dans ma chambre. Je lui donne un de mes T-shirt qui est noir et je vais prendre une douche pendant qu'elle se change.
Quand je revient, je la trouve allonger dans le lit à moitié en train de dormir. Alors j'éteins la lumière et vais me coucher aussi.
Coline: Tu sais, je suis désolé pour toute à l'heure; quand je t'ai crié dessus et que je t'ai giflé.
Moi: T'inquiète pas pour ça.
Je lui lança un sourire qui se voulait réconfortant même si on est dans le noir.
Moi: On parlera de tout ça demain...
Puis je lui embrassa le front avant de la prendre dans mes bras et de m'assoupir.
Here's a little one-shot to give hope to you who read this <3 take care of you guys
#one shot#yungblud#su1c1d4l oc#yungblud x oc#young oc#tw su1c1de mention#take care of you#confort yungblud#confort one shot#confort yungblud x su1c1d4l!reader#dom's pov#dominic harrison#adam warrington
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god i have so much to get off my chest
mainly tits, but some other stuff too. tw; it’s a vent/rant. relationships, mentions of telling someone to commit stop breathing, and emotions.
there are some people that I have known since elementary school like third fourth grade, and ever since then we’ve been pretty good friends. Unfortunately for me I am neurodivergent, and part of how my brain works means that i am really good at analyzing behavior and recognizing patterns. this is a fun tool that will come in handy later.
i don’t think one of my friends likes me anymore. ive known her since fourth or third grade, and we had always been stuck like glue until the pandemic. even through it— i kept trying to text them funny things about the online classes we shared, talked about the marvel shows that were coming out, and even with that she slowly… stopped… replying. during the height of tfatws they promised me they’d make a winter soldier sweatshirt for my birthday— the one where you rip the arm off of one and replace it with another so it looks like bucky’s arm— and normally i’d not complain about not getting a present, but i was excited, she told me multiple times, and it’s been years. she has worn the anti-sweatshirt (what you make with the other sweatshirt parts) recently, too. they’ve started ignoring me subtly, and she’s made plans in front of me with other people. i tried asking her what was going on and they didn’t answer. i had to go ask their partner at the time, who has quickly become one of my best friends, what was happening. they were planning galentines day— and while i get that i am a boy and i might not qualify for galentines day; but we’ve been friends for so long, and i was there for her first galentines day she hosted, wouldn’t tell me what was going on, and ignored me. i had a great palentines day the next night, however. but it now seemed i was more friendly with their partner.
their partner, now here is a story: i’ve known this person— the aforementioned person in the first paragraph, fake name here: Gertrude (they/she). I’ve known Gertrude for years. never did i expect them to be a terrible partner. their partner, Jenny (she/he), is amazing— so kind, funny, and a great friend. he’s been there for me a few times as i have for him. i might have a bit of a crush on jenny, admittedly. i don’t know for sure. one time jenny and i blew off the rest of our half day at school to shop for birthday presents for Gertrude and our other friend Grant, who share a birthday. i asked jenny what was going on with her. i did not expect him to talk for nearly three hours about how Gertrude has been emotionally unavailable and manipulative, has yelled at him in front of friends, and has been downplaying and shutting down both Jenny’s emotions and attempts at physical affection. Jenny is a physical touch love language person, and i have seen Gertrude actually jump away from their mother touching their arm. Jenny talked about how she was having an anxiety attack in Gertrude’s car one time, and Gertrude got uncomfortable— when Jenny asked what was wrong, Gertrude said that they felt like a predator when Jenny was feeling small. Jenny asked if Gertrude would like to know how to help him when she’s small, and Gertrude said “oh, idk how to do that.” and shut down, wouldn’t really talk more. Gertrude has in general undermined Jenny’s actions and work in our community, and been a shit partner. i told jenny that these are red flags and do not sound like the awesome person i knew in middle school who had been my friend through depression. this was a few months ago. Jenny broke up with Gertrude recently.
speaking of break-ups: i dated a different best friend for a week. Mordecai, (fake name) (he/she) has been a friend also for years, around the same time as Gertrude. Apparently Mordecai has been in love with me for a long time. we went on a date (i made him latkes in my kitchen while he stared at me) and we ended up agreeing to date. for a little context, we’re both reasonably autistic (neither of us are in a place to get diagnosed, i am an insane researcher and have done so much reading and quizzing) and i have a really hard time with emotions in particular. for instance, i admitted to having intrusive thoughts about her as a result of jokes made about characters we were playing in a production. he said, “so you have thought about me”, which is not the same thing. i didnt catch that he didnt catch that. i struggled for a couple days about just going with it for her sake, since i know the last time she got broken up with he took it a little rough, but i also didnt want to lead him on. i broke up with him in the car right before i dropped her off at home. here’s the thing though: i care about this person a lot. it’s not romantic, but i care. i could probably be better about how i show it. i am a doctor’s child so i take health seriously, and not a lot of my friends do— Mordecai, for one. to show i still care about her, i started worrying more obviously about his health, and she took it wrongly. i was on edge badly for a few days, and ended up getting into a twitter fight with Mordecai about telling people to k!ll themselves. i asked him to stop, and she told me to k1|| myself, so i reported her and got her account permanently suspended. this was like… last month. yesterday i deleted the twitter app off my phone, and i haven’t done anything to suggest that i’m still active there— just checking my notifications. nobody has checked in on me to see if it’s real, or if i’m ok.
i cant believe that i’m 17 and getting lowkey cyberbullied by people i thought were my friends. i joined and subsequently deleted the instagram app, i only check it on browser about once a week; last december because i wanted to be able to communicate with our group number people for rehearsal scheduling. from what i’ve been able to gather, the chat they were using decreased in use when i had the app, and it’s back to being used semi-regularly now that i am not there. i also offered multiple times to help drive a group around to shop for prom dresses, and i was told that i didn’t need to. i offered. i wouldn’t offer if i couldn’t deliver.
i think im going insane, or somethhing, i don’t know. i go back to therapy soon. i might pursue a diagnosis. this all ends with an Important Conversation with someone who doesn’t do those well, and avoids them.
#personal vent#relationships suck#god i hate high school#tw su1c1de mention#tw predator mention#i’m sorry#i’m confused#i’m exhausted#hey siri create calendar event : burned out and getting fomo bc of it#i cant wait to go to college and make new friends
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Hii!! I’m new here, could I possibly be 💙 anon? I also have a Request! (TW: MENTIONS OF SU1c1DE)
Is it okay if I could request some headcanons for Jeff x a suicidal s/o (fem or gn Idm) and how he would help her, react if she attempted, etc? I really like what you’ve written so far and just wanted to leave a request.
Thank you!
Yes I don't have a 💙 anon yet!
TW!! Suicidal themes, attempting, sh, etc
Thank you so much for requesting!!
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Jeff x Suicidal!Reader
You had been Jeff's girlfriend for a few months now, and he is more attentive then most people think
So, he knows that you sometimes struggle with your mental health
He has been through this as well, hell, he still has those moments
And he wants to do everything in his power to make sure that you are safe and happy, because he would absolutely fall apart without you
Some moments are worse than others, of course
Sometimes it's just making sure you aren't harming yourself in any way
Other times he holds you close to him while you sob and vent about anything you want
And well, then there are the times where it's worse
Like this time
He had been gone out late, working overtime and you had felt yourself slipping into that deep depression you had become all too familiar with
Usually, he is there to help calm you down and soothe you out of it
But this time, he wasn't
Something he'd never forgive himself for in the future
You contemplated your meaning, asking yourself "who would even notice if I died?"
And unfortunately you end up attempting to take your own life
When Jeff gets home, he quickly grabs a snack before heading up to your room
He opens the door, and gasps when he sees the scene in front of him
Immediately he scrambles over to you, making sure that you aren't wrapped up in anything and setting you into his lap
He checks your pulse, before standing with you in his arms and rushing down to the medical wing
He threatens anyone who gets in his way, and practically shoves E.J out of the way to set you down on the hospital bed
Jack is confused for a moment, stuttering out a brief "what are you-" before seeing you on the bed
He gets to work, doing everything in his power to get you to return to consciousness
He's able to heal any wounds you have, but you end up not waking up despite his best efforts
Much to Jeff's hated of course
"Jeff, I've done everything I can, you need to calm down"
"Try harder! Do more! I thought you were a doctor you dick head! The most special person on the goddamn planet is dying right now and you're telling me you've done everything you can?! I want you trying to fix it until she wakes up"
Jack ends up trying to get you to wake up a few more times, before giving up and telling Jeff that you will wake up in the morning
Jeff never leaves your side, he stays awake all night just waiting for you to wake up
You wake up 2 days later, to a very tured, depressed jeff
He is currently resting his head on his arms, his hair covering his face
"Jeff?" You call out
He immediately raises his head and lets out a short laugh
"Oh my god...oh my god!" He yells, wrapping you up in the biggest hug he can give you
The sweet moment is broken when he lets go of you and softly punches your arm
"Don't you ever scare me like that again, you shit stain!"
You smile "i love you too, Jeff"
#creepypasta#creepypasta x y/n#creepypasta x you#slender mansion#creepypasta x female reader#eyeless jack#eyeless jack creepypasta#jeffery woods x reader#jeff the killer x you#jeff the killer x reader#jeffery woods#jeff the killer
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/dsmp /rp, tw // su1c1de mentions
Okay, but if c!Wilbur going to Utah was genuinely a metaphor for his suicide, imagine c!Tommy refuses to believe it or just doesn't even know and sends him letters hoping he'll come back
he knows deep down that Wilbur will never actually get them, will never read them. he knows it's better to move on and just assume he's never coming back but he tries anyway.
letters filled with subtle hints of how much he misses him but being too prideful to admit it outright. letters searching for advice, about any subject Tommy thinks might strike his interest enough to respond.
letters that will never be received
letters that will never be read
#i am shit at angst#this is probably so out of character holy shit#revivebur#ctommy#ctommy apologist#i have no idea what im doing anymote#utah#cwilbur#c!tommy
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Dazai and the Meaning of Life
here's a little thing i cooked up recently about dazai's ultimate goal and how he views the meaning of life. i technically have more thoughts on this topic but i hope that this is at least sorta good anyway :3 this whole thing i tried to follow an essay formula and i tried to make it sound professional and under the impression that the viewer does not know much about bsd (bc we're going to do an essay unit at my school and i lowkey wanna show these to my teacher who doesnt know the series hehe)
also the conclusion of this post mentions that maybe the ada will come to understand dazai as well and btw i do think that the ada cares for and (partially) understands dazai when the story takes place just for clarifiation afsflfsfjk
neway lets get on with it!!
TW: Su1c1de mention (only briefly)
it'll be under the cut :] pls enjoy
Among the many intricate characters of Bungo Stray Dogs is Osamu Dazai. Sharing many similarities with his namesake, the real-life Osamu Dazai, he is heavily philosophical in his contemplation of the value of an ongoing existence. The Dazai of Bungo Stray Dogs is very dear to me, and so I wanted to detail his relationship with the meaning of life.
Dazai has sought the meaning of life since the age of 14, or even younger. He is a hyper-intelligent character and sees the world far differently than those around him, who fail to see the full picture in the same way that Dazai does. Dazai is immensely analytical and calculating, often crafting intricate plans to entrap his foes, further proving his intelligence. Although most people live their lives aware of death, Dazai understands its presence in a way that many others fail to. He understands that everyone dies someday, and in that inevitable state, none of the material things matter. Friends will leave somehow, money has no value in the afterlife, and intelligence means nothing once you’re dead. And because everything will die someday, living is just a pointless game of arbitrary constructs. So why live in a world like that? It’s pointless.
Due to Dazai’s immense intelligence, the intricacies of his philosophy slip away from even me. However, I know for certain that Dazai has spent much of his time reflecting and polishing his worldview to the point that it’s iron-clad. Nothing escapes him, and he capitalizes on this to create a set of concepts that none can reasonably argue. But… Why?
It’s likely that Dazai finds comfort in his own mental health issues; he’s lived with them since he was a child and, when he is in the Port Mafia, it protects him from the grim criminal world that his teenage self is being forced to live in. If he continues to seek a goal even if he knows he won’t achieve it, it makes living in a pit of carnage and demons far easier. (That, and Dazai has a habit of letting his emotions override his brain when something is too hard for him to face, which is often, because Dazai has hardly ever had anyone that can help him mature emotionally.)
Speaking of Dazai’s goal that he partially had given up on, let’s cover that. Dazai is well aware of his alienation from the rest of society due to his intelligence and knows that others can easily find meaning in living. And so he wishes to study them. The fact of the matter is that Dazai generally values human life, but he doesn’t consider his own life to be that of a human being’s because he operates far differently from those around him. People wander and find meaning in life and regret things and experience things and Dazai believes that that is what it means to be human and that is what it means to live.
Dazai seems to believe that humans have a vicious, violent true self that exists in order to help them survive. He joins the mafia because he believes that those in the criminal underworld are stripped of societal constructs and so are their true selves. (Dazai also joins the mafia because he believes that by observing immense amounts of death up close, he will be able to get a more ‘full’ picture of what it means to live, which contributes to his goal of finding the meaning of life.) He believes that if he studies how humans live and why they want to live so easily, practically by nature, he will be able to ‘become human’ and wish to live as well.
Dazai believes that the meaning in life hides in the nature of human beings. Dazai wishes to understand humans so that he can understand life. Dazai thinks that his own life is pointless, that he will suffer for eternity, never understanding why others wish to live and never finding something worthwhile. Everything passes, including that which Dazai loves, and so he tries to cease living and cease loving. But he fails, because Dazai is not inclined to evil. He is a blank slate, but one who loves by nature and denies harsh truths and doesn’t want to be alone.
Dazai hates his differences with others and idolizes humans. He doesn’t want to hurt or kill others, because they wish to live, and that is what he wants for himself. That is what he admires. (Dazai also admires those who choose to be good despite being human, which Dazai believes is indicative of intrinsic cruelty, and he, again, believes himself to be incapable of being ‘good’.)
Dazai has lived in a far emptier world than others for ages. Yet he is lonely. Still, he is but a child who has never been able to grow up but had never been allowed to be young. He’s existed in limbo for ages. After a year in the mafia, he’s given up. He’s concluded that he will not find anything in the mafia and possibly nowhere else. So he doesn’t even intend to leave the cesspool of systemic abuse that has broken his childhood self so horribly that he cannot face the sun nor the stars.
But someone proves him wrong. A person who is a friend to Dazai that understands him so heavily and simply fails to find the words to convince him to keep trying. In that person’s final moments, he tells Dazai to leave the side of darkness and become a good person.
Dazai will not find a reason that satisfies him; that’s just how he is. But if he works to be good, he will become that, and his life will light up with meaning because saving people, the same people that Dazai has never understood yet wished he could because he thought they were remarkable in their ability to find meaning in life, is beautiful.
Even as a 22-year old who has left the Port Mafia, having defected to the Armed Detective Agency, Dazai has still failed to find the meaning of life that is the existential answer he so seeks. However, there exists something far more fulfilling than anything else in saving people and revelling in the small things. All while drinking tea at a cafe and pestering his coworkers, Dazai carries with him a melancholy so intense that others are often kept at arm’s length, and yet he is happy. Because perhaps his whole life will be a search, but things far more beautiful than any answer exist on the way.
And perhaps his coworkers, no, his friends, will be able to reach Dazai as well.
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Not Just Yet (Ryoji Mochizuki x Oc)
OC KISS WEEK!!! I missed two days so I kinda combined three.
Day 1) Almost (with a hint of Day 2 and 3 (Rain and Sunrise set))
TW: Attempted/Implied Su1c1de, mentions of death throughout. (If there's any more please let me know so I can add them!
Notes: The OC isn't named here, but their name is Lucian, this is kinda for a fic I'm writing about them!
This is it, you thought to yourself. Your feet staggered on the edge as you looked to the sky. You couldn’t help the tears that fell from your eyes. Why now.. Why now were you afraid of death’s kiss?
You had no answer for yourself as you watched the sun begin to dim behind the horizon. ‘I’m sorry, but I have to go now.’ were the very words you wrote and left for someone to find. But where was it you wanted to go? You didn’t know. You swear you could feel someone watching you as you painfully let out a laugh. “W-why don’t I know…?” you stuttered. You haven’t even taken your shoes off yet, just the act of doing so scared you. It would push you further to something you were now doubting. You looked down at the ground, almost feeling faint looking at it. How did you not realize until now how high up you were? It felt like the whole world's eyes were on you, like death itself was waiting for you to do something– anything.
You pictured your friends' faces. Mitsuru and Akihiko would definitely stop you right now, and maybe that was for the best. But.. they have their whole lives ahead of them… I.. I barely even know if I’ll have tomorrow. When all your days blur together… when time seems to drag on for eternity as well as all too fast, is that living? You didn’t know. Maybe there was something you could do to change it, maybe you could trust Akihiko and Mitsuru to help? Maybe… maybe you shouldn’t do this now..
You clenched your fists and hit your thigh with one. You couldn’t stand this hesitation you were now facing. But, you might be right, maybe now's not the time, maybe you can give it another day, see how things go. You wanted to scream. You were here again with no clue what to do, the feeling you dreaded the most, the feeling that made you want death's embrace in the first place.
You don’t know why you even fell.
You didn’t scream as you did, you just looked at the sky. The sunset… Has never looked so beautiful… You wished you could be there to see every beautiful sunset, every sunrise that would now never come, every starry sky that fascinated you to no end. Falling… really doesn’t feel fast… huh..
You saw something yellow appear in your vision, something that looked like a scarf. Weird. Then a ghostly hand grabbed your own. Before you knew it, you were falling with another. They smiled at you, their black hair flowing in the wind. For some reason, you felt relief in seeing them. Was this death?
Your whole world began to dissipate, being swallowed by a void of rain. You watched as the sky disappeared, leaving you alone with death. You looked down, the ground hadn’t disappeared yet, and you were steadily approaching it. You felt your muscles tense as you prepared for impact, until you felt a hand redirect your gaze. Death forced you to look at it, before closing it’s eyes, bringing it’s lips close to yours. You felt your eyes grow heavy, shutting them shortly after.
Yet, you weren’t falling when you re-opened them.
“Hey sleepyhead~ Gonna get up?” you heard a voice call out to you. You looked around the unfamiliar terrain until you spotted a lanky guy with a yellow scarf, black hair and piercing blue eyes looking back at you.
“W-who’re… who’re you?” you asked, your voice feeling almost foreign to yourself.
“Oh me? I’m… Ryoji.. Do you not remember me?” he asked. You shook your head causing him to pout. “Daw… well it’s okay! I’ve been watching you for quite some time now.. So let’s get up, yeah? You’ve got your whole life ahead of you.”
My… my life? Y-yeah… yeah. That’s right… my whole life…
You reached for Ryoji, only for him to partially disappear when you tried. “H-huh?”
“Oh.. sorry.. I’m kinda.. Not fully here. But don’t worry! I can still help you! Just.. picture me as your imaginary companion! Here to always protect you.” Ryoji flashed a smile towards you. “Now, let’s find a way out of here… so we can see that sunset again, yeah?”
#oc kiss week#ryoji mochizuki#persona 3 ryoji#persona 3 ryoji x reader#fanfiction#oc x canon#persona 3 fanfic#ockiss24
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heehee thank you for giving me hcs of my blorbo :))) can I ask hcs for your favourite hedgehog Rudy?????? I wanna hear abt em :)))))
Hiii bella omg yeah ofc!! i have a lot of them locked n loaded omg
so i said before like my main hc of ejen ali is that rudy is a trans girl. and that still stands. she/her rudy but only with a few people she knows wont give her shit for it
again i know i draw and depict rudy as being femme but in actuality nothing really changes. shes the same exact person with the same blunt personality and spiky hair shes just a girl now
has a bunch of skills like sewing and baking. absolute dogshit at cooking though
shes bi, i've always had the hc she's bi, even before the tgirl hc came along. like the reaction she had to kim was the same she had to Ali i rest my case
i think she's got a guy pref tho? like she thought she was straight until she had her first crush on a girl
ALSO!! shes on the aro spectrum, specifically demiromantic.
really good with animals and kids, babysits on weekends sometimes
Roza is genuinely like her sister, like her cool older sister thats basically rodrick from the live action diary of a wimpy kid movie
she's not in a band but to blow off steam she plays the drums sometimes
theres a boxing bag in her room she uses that too rudy knows boxing
her and bulat are the besties of the agency. they met each other when bulat came to the academy and they have been each others ride or die since
while she was in the infirmary and her arm completely healed she would sneak into the kitchen and bake for the remaining agents anonymously
she thrifts and gets a lot of grundge and trad goth clothes, but she cannot be bothered to dress up unless shes with a date or at an event then she wears formal Baju Malayu (im so sorry if i got it wrong i just searched for malay formal wear and the one i saw her wear is just like that so i dunno)
like think hot topic, or gothic lolita clothes.
kinda clingy with people? i dunno how else to describe it but its like if shes with a friend or something and they abruptly get taken away for something else she'd be a tiny bit jealous or something
moons like her little sister i think, like theyre always bickering and stuff n tease each other but if anything happened to her she would be mad
she can't really take compliments well. like from anyone.
very indulgent hc, shes got a crush on Alicia.
audhd
im sorry these hcs are so boring
an actual menace to society, she should be put down/j. but srsly, she is a known prankster in canon before ali and alicia came and she became so much more tough
i think she would have had rabies. at least twice. one as a kid once recently
as a kid she actually had really long hair but she got it cut rlly short bc she wanted to style it like Djins
accidently called one of the mentors "mom" once but that mentor said it was fine and flattered
despite having a huge crush on alicia, she is also her biggest rival. Like luz and amity except theyre both amity except alicia amity is luz does this make sense
calls ali and khai cringe for liking a card game like WAUriors but in actuality she has a whole collection for herself.
ok here are some heavy hitters (TW su1c1de mention)
Remember that thing with my dos hcs? with dos being unknowingly cloned? that clone was rudy, but because she was a child, they couldn't wait for her to grow up so when they tried to terminate her, rudy caught wind of this and ran away, which is how she got homeless until she was around 2 or 3?
if thats not the case, I do think something more sinister happened in which MATA was involved with the fact she has no family left.
given the fact they hid ali's mother dying from him for about a year or two after he joined MATA, i dont doubt that they hid something about Rudy's origin.
I like to think when she first joined MATA she did know Aliya but she doesn't remember her so she can't put her finger on why Ali's so familliar to her
When she was younger she was kinda the older sister to the other kids there, like she would pickpocket some extras for them or find some sort of shelter and stay outside if there wasn't enough room for everyone.
Agent Geetha is the one she considers a mother bc shes the one that would actually primarily take care of her when she was a baby
When she grows up she actually goes through such a terrible incident on a mission that makes her lose her arm, but she refused to get a prosthetic bc she didn't want to look anything more like djin
like moon, she had strenuous nightmares for months and didn't sleep an entire night once after the incident in s2, and when they finally subsided, after season 3 it all started again
when she's older she actually quits being an agent, but doesn't leave MATA until shes much older, like around 30, and till then she's a CSI for them and still tags along on certain missions but not as common now.
I like to think Geetha adopted her after some years when they got much closer. Sometimes rudy would ask to sleep in her room when shes having a nightmare or something like that.
speaking of which, She calls her Ama or Ami (since Geethas desi in canon I want to think she prefers being called mom in Urdu)
rudy did kind of. like still not completely trust geetha even after she adopted her, but it got much better later when rudy would get really sick and geetha wouldn't stop helping her and she like wouldn't leave her side like she slept in a chair next to her as she was sick.
I do adore the hc we have of Geetha and dos being rudys moms, but i am also loving the hc of like. rudy finds out shes techinically Dos's "daughter" (bc of the whole clone thing) and her kind of realizing that geetha is so much more of a mother to her than dos can ever be and thats also what strengthens their bond.
After she saw alicia crying after Zain died, they always kept an eye on each other. like alicia and geetha are really the only ppl she'd cry in front of.
when she found out dos almost killed alicia she kind of cried there too. because what if she did actually die she wouldn't have met either of them.
after djin died she did actually attempt, but it didn't work and had to see a MATA specialized therapist.
ok i think thats all for now behn!!! super sorry for the boring hcs i didn't know anything new!! but pleaseee send me more hc asks i love them so much!!
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I am Kyouka Izumi. Atsushi lended me this app to make friends. I trust him so i hope i make good friends on here too.
I like Bunnies and boiled tofu. I hate dogs and the rain. Thats it.
(I dont really see kyouka blogs around here so i decided to make one myself. I hope i get alot of interactions on here especially with other ada members. tw warning for mentions of SH and SU1C1DE. anywayss ill be going around here talking to other bsd blogs. Cya)
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im gonna rant abt how much i hate the ghost eyes fandom (as a former fan) bc im just kinda mad rn
so uhh yeah major TW for s3lf h4rm, romanticizing mental illness, su1c1de, sadomasochism, infantilization, and rlly just anything related to that
(also sorry if this looks weird idk how to separate stuff on tumblr)
also DO NOT harass the creator or anyone mentioned here, you’re no better than them if you do that
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ok so i read ghost eyes like 2 years ago but i stopped reading about the point where they were on that field trip. i still think it’s a nice comic and i’m sure the author is a cool person, also the art style is awesome. but the fandom is so fucking gross that i’m surprised more people haven’t talked about it. 
for some backstory on this, i used have REALLY bad depression and was cutting myself regularly (i’m much better now, i have medication, therapy, and i’m almost a year clean) i also stopped reading due to the comic severely damaging my mental health and i’m very glad i did. i was younger and immature and thought i could handle such content. this led to me becoming extremely obsessed with the comic to an unhealthy level, and getting severely attached to one of the characters (rudy) because i could relate to him at that time. i seriously thought that i WAS him sometimes.
i understand now that i should NOT have ignored the label and what i did was definitely wrong and if the creator is reading this i deeply apologize. i’m in a much better place now and i’m just glad that i was able to get the help i needed.
ok now to the angry part
if you don’t know what ghost eyes is, it’s a webcomic about a severely traumatized boy attending school for the first time and meeting a bunch of other severely traumatized kids. this comic has a crap ton of triggering/sensitive/disturbing topics (which is not a bad thing as long as you do it right) and like i said before, the creator has kindly put a warning before the comic starts stating that you SHOULD NOT romanticize/idolize/sexualize/kin any of the characters, do not read unless you can handle such topics, and so forth. now i know i should have definitely put the comic down before and not gotten obsessed over it, but i knew damn well enough that it was messed up to romanticize/sexualize any of the characters/things that happened in the book.
there are several scenes in which a character is self harming or harming someone else, and the comments will say shit like “nooo my poor bean” “awww baby don’t do that” or my personal favorite “protect the smol bean.” first of all, the characters are like 16-17, second of all, i cannot even tell you how fucked up it is that people see someone ruining their lives and putting themselves in danger and think it’s “cute” or “anxiety smol bean uwu” THERES LITERALLY A SCENE WHERE SOMEONE IS GETTING STABBED AND PPL ARE DRAWING THIS MF IN A MAID DRESS.
another reason i despise these fans is that they see an abusive relationship and start making ships/kinning them. as someone who has gone through pretty much everything rudy has gone through, i cant tell you how irritating it is to see people shipping him with his abuser or calling him a “cutie patootie masochist boi uwu” cause lemme tell you what-it doesnt feel good to have to put your health in danger and ruin your relationships with others just so you can get off somehow. ITS NOT FUN. the whole point of rudy’s character is to not romanticize someones fucked up mental health.
i could spend hours talking about this group of immature brats, but i’m tired and it’s a school night and i have a test tomorrow. i might add on if i feel like i need to but overall i really hope those immature fans grow up and realize their mistakes like i did, or get the help they need.
#ghost eyes#webcomic#rant#angry ramblings#angry rant#i hate this fandom#tw su1c1d3#tw sh implied#go get some help please
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my thoughts on the music video of ‘rolling girl’ by wowaka
this song is so good and the music video is really interesting so i wanted to share my thoughts on it 💗 also rest in peace wowaka you were a genius who changed the name of vocaloid forever 🕊️🕊️
TW: su1c1d@l thoughts mentioned, the idea that miku dies at the end of the mv/song
⬆️ if you’re not comfortable with the things mentioned above, please scroll! i don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable 🩷🩷
link to the mv: https://youtu.be/NIqm73xsias?si=z0Mk0qel-mjoh46W
youtube
who is the boy in the MV?
^in the music video, there is a boy shown multiple times throughout the video. this boy could be her ‘saviour’, someone who gets her to stop ‘rolling’, (a metaphor for miku’s depression and feelings of loss of self), and the song could be from the perspective of this boy, how he sees this girl (miku), looking so sad in school and realises the spiral she’s going down and saving her from it all. she’s so violent/cold towards him because she doesn’t see where’s shes going herself and so decides to villain-ise him. it makes sense, until you come into contact with the final line of the chorus.
‘i will stop your breath, now.’
the first time it is said, it’s not a problem, because it’s probably just her overreacting to someone trying to help her (also, it’s in quotation marks - which makes it miku saying it since we have established the song is from this boy’s perspective.) however, when you get to the second and then the final time it is said, it is said from this boy’s perspective. which doesn’t make sense. yes, it could be just him mocking her, but that isn’t likely, and why would he say it twice? why would it be the last line, especially when it’s emphasised since all the music stops?
so this made me think- what if the boy IS the villain? since we know wowaka loved to use metaphors to make things more cryptic in his songs, it totally makes sense. what if the boy is supposed to represent her inner conflict, or even her going insane/ her suicidal thoughts? maybe miku’s been trying to fight her inner conflict, which is why she is so violent towards him, and tells him she’ll stop his breathing, because she knows if she softens even just a little bit, she’ll be dead. therefore, the end makes sense- he got the better of her (she committed). even though it’s not said that she kills herself, it is implied, since the colouring completely changes, which could imply she has gone into the afterlife/ some world after the dead. also are we forgetting the main point- the most emphasised line in the song is the boy saying ‘i’ll stop your breathing now’??
as seen in the end, he says ‘i’ll stop your breathing, now’ and they are hugging. they boy looks a bit more content with himself, and miku looks tired, and even defeated. she sheds a tear- it looks like it’s a sigh of relief, even. which links back to the point of hatsune miku’s loss of self and being a people pleaser - everyone said ‘don’t do suicide!’ so she just followed their orders. she’s finally done something she wanted. (okay i digress)
there is a lot more hinting that the boy is the villain in hatsune miku’s head throughout the video. for example, the boy and miku are wearing opposites - miku is wearing black, the boy is wearing white. in the main setting (white screen with the two mp3s on either side), there is a part when the boy and miku are standing on either side of the mp3 player (mp3 = border between life and death?). also, the boy is only ever seen when miku is seen, and they are usually close together. there is a lot more by i don’t want to go into it now because i think this is enough
end.
note: i thought of this last night, i hope it makes sense 😭😭 i just wanted to say that i got inspo from a youtube comment under the music video, talking about if the boy represents her depression- i thought about it and then i wrote a little about it here 👹👹
#rolling girl#vocaloid miku#hatsune miku#miku hatsune#vocaloid#vocaloid songs#music video#japanese music#my thoughts on this#wowaka#song analysis#read me#i love hatsune miku#Youtube#teateaaxx
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TW: mentions of su1c1de & death
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This song is soooo good and tbh it would make me so happy, but then I read the yt comments and apparently Haley wrote this song about a friend who commited su1c1de…so i don’t know how to feel about it right now bc is it wrong to have this song make me joyful when Haley probably wrote it out of grief & loss? Ugh 😖😣
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Robin buckley x byers reader!
Warnings : tw: mentions of su1c1de and anxiety!
Type: fluff / angst ( set in the readers' pov and robins )
Summary: reader has been distancing herself from the group because they feel as though the group doesn't like them and it sends them into a spiral but robin shows up to help them <3 can be platonic or romantic!
Please listen to phoebe any song of hers while reading ( made this while listening to her ! This is me comforting myself laugh out loud )
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What if they hate me. What if they're hanging out with me because they pity with me. What if they aren't really my friends. What if my robin will stop being my robin. Would they still want me If I'm nothing new ?
Those were my thoughts every day. I would have constant reassurance from my friends, but it just didn't feel right. So after we hung out last, which was on June 15th, 1986. I stopped. I stopped accepting invites using lame excuses such as " Oh my mom said I need to watch will," johnathan, of course, caught on since ya know the whole sibling thing. But thank God he just let me be. I know Will,mom, and him have noticed me slowly sinking into my thoughts, disappearing in my room, but I swear the billboard in my mind said the end is near, and I believe it. I just think if I distance myself, they'll be better without me. How did I grow up to breaking down.
Robins pov:
It's been weeks since I've seen my y/n . I miss them. Jonathan said to let them have their space, but I just can't, knowing something is wrong. Nancy says that jonathan probably just thinks that me going over there will trigger something,but it's been too long. Working at scoops isn't fun without seeing their smiley face when they see me at the register. Or seeing them watching me with a knowing look in their eye that we have a ubreable bond, but maybe that's not what it is anymore...
fuck that. I'm going over to their house. I can't just sit her knowing they're in pain.
Your pov:
I've been sitting in the scolding shower for almost an hour. I can't get out. I don't have the energy to play with will or to gossip with my mom or to make fun of jonathan for his stupid love with Nancy. I don't have the energy. I'm so drained. Maybe it would be different if I hadn't seen the things that I've seen. It isn't the trauma, though it's my mind. Fuck I can't even remember half the shit that went down. It's hard to being able to tell anyone and I know Jon always says I can talk to him but it's hard letting your family know that you wish to end it all. So I play the radio and sit in the shower and hum along till the feelings gone yet it only last for a few until it's back. I can't stay in the shower all night so I get out and press the pause button and slowly changed. I get into my room until I hear a knock at the front door. Mom isn't supposed to be home till 5am and Jon is with nancy... and wills supposed to be with Mike. I grab Nancy's bat that she left here and slowly open the door and see a drenched Robin looking back into my eyes.
Robins Pov:
I knock on the byers door as hard I possibly can until they open the door. They looked so different. It has been only weeks, and yet they've changed their hair, the bags under their eyes have gotten darker, and the sadness in their eyes got bigger. I give them the biggest hug I can, and then they break down. I rub their back as we stand at the byers doorway, trying to calm them by telling them that they're safe with me and that they're okay. We slowly walk back into their house, still in an unbreakable hug as we sit on the couch.
Your pov:
Robin asked me after I calmed down. " Why?" The pain I could hear in her voice stung. Realizing the fact that I didn't know that I was hurting others so I could hurt myself is what ended up bringing me more pain. I try to tell her but ny quivering lips and the tears on the brims of my water line stop me. All I could bring myself to say is " I don't know. ".... she begins to calmly ask me questions to distract myself, but it isn't working, so I start telling her how I feel. " Robin. I can't explain it, but sometimes I think I'm a killer, and I don't know if the killer in me can tame the fighter in you. I feel like I fail you anytime I do anything, but I know I can't give up, but I need to. I'm hurting, mentally drained, and I just want to quit. I need to quit. I just-" the hot wet tears slowly fall down my cheeks as I begin spilling all my thoughts, the thoughts I sore to myself would never be brought up to anyone start pouring out of me similar to how writers just start flowing while writing. I finally stop after a million tears , snot running down my nose, the anxiety pit in my stomach becoming bigger, and my hands shaking more than ever. Robin looks at me with the most hurt and betrayed eyes I could ever see.
Robins pov:
Holding y/n while they spill everything made me wonder how long they've felt like this and how long they sat by themselves, wondering if tonight was the night they died. I hug them with the most strength I can possibly give and just comfort them the best I can. I start giving them affirmations to make then realize that we all love them and I told them that " my y/n , I love you so much, you're my star in the sky, and if you were a waiting room I would never see the doctor. You're the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, and I don't think I could live if I couldn't live with you." They look up and just started sobbing, saying thank you.
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A/N: I hope you enjoyed this !!! I honestly live laughed live writing this and let me know if you catched on to my little phoebe quotes <33 !! Ilysm and if you ever feel like this please know you are not alone.
#robin#robin buckley x you#stranger things imagine#stranger things x reader#robin buckley fanfic#angst#fluff#robin buckley#stranger things#will byers#jonathan byers#joyce byers
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Zekiel the Kymaer Atriarch
TW. mention of su1c1de
Kymaer kind is like that of eusocial creatures, Building nests suited to the environment, having distinct clans and having a single main breeder. But unlike the insects that they inherit their genes from, the title of monarch truly belongs to them. The Atriarch share characteristics of all their brood and are the most powerful of their kind. Their second form is that of a mighty dragon that, when they have matured, can block out the sun. They reproduce by using their tears which contain microscopic eggs that grow larger over a short time that they were laid. If an Atriarch decides to not have a clan they can instead focus on their own power and If one does have a clan they'll focus on their clans strength instead. Zekiel, however, will never have a clan of his own due to an illness inherited by his Atriarch who took his own life after almost all his brood had died. So he wanders the world, trying to live amongst the humans while avoiding Kymaer hunters and killing and devouring those who prey on the undefended. He had been part of many human wars while disguised as a brown eyed brunette, but eventually fled to the wilderness after his identity was discovered.
Atriarch traits:
Densest carapace armour of all the Kymaer, and they can cover their whole body with if they chose to.
They can use a variety of magic from nature, blood magic, light, dark and more having more options compared to other magic using Kymaer.
They have psychic abilities and can communicate telepathically with whoever they choose.
There are three Atriarch types such as domestic, wild and feral. Feral is the most dangerous of them. Zekiel is a domesticated Atriarch due to his time with humans.
Can grow carapace spikes and blades anywhere on their body.
Can change physical traits to fit into their environment.
Atriarchs are androgynous and have no genitalia (except Zekiel, who has both and is a rare mutation).
They can grow to be the size of a planet depending on the genes they're born with.
Atriarchs at full hive focus can lay 3,000-7,000 eggs a day but will be left feeling exhausted afterwards.
Atriarchs horns are almost never the same as their birth parents being different every time.
Atriarchs heal quickly and can reattach severed limbs as long as the wound hasn't been cauterized.
Sources for Atriarch ideas
Gender neutral terms for matriarch/patriarch reddit r/writing
Atriarch definition urban dictionary
#oc#art#original species#digital art#autodesksketchbook#creatures#Zekiel#Atriarch#kymaer#kymaer art#lore#kymaer lore#hybrid#hybrid oc#oc lore#kymaer atriarch#thebaronfelidae
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Goodbye to the Attempt on Eternity - Lyrical Analysis
TW: Su1c1de
this is a lyric-by-lyric breakdown of dazai's character song! it might sound more formal than my others analyses tho :p proving that i can employ proper grammar fr!!
please let me know ur own thoughts on dazai's character song in the notes if you have any :>/nf
(analysis and themes breakdown under cut!
Main themes:
Meaninglessness of time,
Fleetingness of existence,
An unattainable wish (finding something to live for by understanding the deepest meaning of life),
A person who makes him want to live,
His own self-hatred and resentment for himself and his past,
The afterlife as an ‘escape’,
Dazai’s overanalysis of existence (the ‘eternity’ of his mind),
His deep loneliness and isolation
A deep desire to find something more than death.
Analysis:
“As I walk in this fleeting world, the town that has thrown away yesterday changes its face. If that is so, then why do I keep breathing in this unchanging feeling?”
Introduces the theme of night/day (and/or two-sidedness), which represents two things: one, how Dazai views time as being meaninglessly fleeting, and two, the side of light (with the agency) and the side of darkness (with the Port Mafia). This song first chronologically begins when Dazai is in the PM, and so this represents when nightfall comes and the PM reigns. May also represent how Dazai initially views all others to be putting up a facade similar to how he is when he is younger and therefore less mature.
Facilitates how hopeless Dazai feels in the midst of a stagnant world that either does not move or only decays.
“I reach out repeatedly. Once again, I chase my ‘wish’ that slips through.”
Dazai continually seeks to find the meaning of life and therefore what it means to want to live/live in a world like that, but the answer evades him.
“As I roam this never-ending today, I wait impatiently for the dawn that exists somewhere.”
Dazai’s sense of time is skewed, as he is able to view a larger picture than others around him. He sees the time that he is living in as never-ending. As the story is told from his perspective, ‘today’ does not mean a literal ‘single day’, and also means this specific era of Dazai’s existence which he believes will go on forever.
Dazai is still young at this time and is impatient to find the meaning in life so that he can finally be happy.
“If I can’t even grasp the meaning of life, then I’ll say to this worthless night, goodbye.”
Dazai finds the search too repetitive and wishes to leave the world(/kill himself) so that he can quit his fruitless search.
However, the use of ‘night’ here also implies that Dazai doesn’t truly wish to leave the world; he just wishes to escape the mafia so that he can see the wider world that he knows exists someplace. In SB, Dazai has already judged the mafia as a place where he will not find what he seeks, and yet he lacks the ambition to pull himself out. The truth of Dazai is that he doesn’t have real will or intent, and that makes him stagnant in states that he is aware he can get out of and partially wishes to escape from.
“But even though I think so... I’m still here.”
As mentioned prior, Dazai lacks the intent to escape the states in which he exists although he feels like nothing will happen if he fails to move forward.
“I wish for a magnificent and bright end, but the curtain hasn’t dropped yet.”
Similar to his line in the “Wan!” anime, Dazai wishes to die spectacularly and in a way that doesn’t inconvenience others but still leaves an impression, as Dazai does not want to die without true purpose.
“Honestly, it’s alright, isn't it?”
Again, Dazai doesn’t truly wish to die; he wishes to finally understand life so that he can finally see value in it. And so, when death doesn’t come to him, he will simply continue to only wait for it as he wishes for something more than death: true understanding of life.
“I’m sick of this repeating melancholy inside my head. It’s just inevitable that I wish for the end.”
In the 15 arc, it’s implied that Dazai doesn’t believe that other people can so naturally see point in life. In the world Dazai lives in and initially might have assumed that others lived in as well, everything is tedious and oxidizing and there is no enjoyment to be found in it. He views suicidality as an inevitable conclusion due to the way he sees the world.
“The tainted past, too, begone!”
Likely a reference to Chuuya Nakahara’s ability and real-life counterpart’s poem, “For the Tainted Sorrow”.
Displays Dazai’s hatred for the life he has lived priorly in which he hurts others aimlessly and is exploited in the mafia.
“I want to tell everyone it is I, I that have failed.”
A further display of Dazai’s self-hatred.
“Isn’t there anyone to take my hand and cease existing together? I hold the feeling that an attempt isn’t enough.”
Reflects his desire to not die alone in order to fill his eternal loneliness in the moments of his death.
Shows that Dazai deep down knows that the motivation/willpower with which he is attempting suicide will not give him death as he wishes for something beyond that.
“Days darkening in the setting sun are endless.”
Likely a reference to the real-life Dazai’s novel, The Setting Sun.
Displays how Dazai pessimistically/nihilistically views existence in that every good time will eventually come to an end, always.
“In a world like that, I found you.”
Refers to his turning point.
Likely refers to meeting Odasaku.
“Suddenly, that hand pulls and stops the cuff of my reckless heart.”
Displays how Odasaku causes Dazai to slow down in recklessly sacrificing himself and attempting out of hopelessness and self-hatred.
Shows that after meeting Odasaku and being affected by him, Dazai finds his previous behavior “reckless”.
“I want to try living like this a little bit more. It’s not like me to think so.”
Dazai begins to wish to live. (Initially, in a world with Odasaku. After the latter’s death, to fulfill his wishes and finally take action.)
“As I roam this never-ending today, I wait impatiently for the dawn that exists somewhere.”
Repeated line from earlier. Displays how Dazai still impatiently/immaturely wishes to find the true meaning of life and therefore find hope.
“Even though I still haven’t grasped the meaning of life, for now I say to eternity, goodbye.”
Dazai comes to terms with the fact that it may be a while yet until his true wish is granted.
Dazai bids farewell to a time of attempting suicide out of despair. (And possibly eternally contemplating life, instead choosing to live out in the light and reveling in the smaller things.)
“Maybe, I can enjoy this fleeting world.”
Dazai wishes to now enjoy the world for what it has, although still finding it more fleeting than he wishes.
#☆analysis☆#☆thoughts☆#tw suicide#sui mention#bsd dazai#bsd analysis#bungou stray dogs#bsd#dazai bsd#☆scheduled☆
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TW for: Minor injury (knife), mentions of su1c1de.
[Transcript Begins.]
[The camera Is positioned at chest height, and appears to be focusing on a box of items currently. A hand appeared from beside the lens, moving some out of the way and leaning behind them, apparently searching for something.]
?: Alright, that one's all clear.
[Voice identified: William Keane - The Archivist.]
[It moves on, examining more areas.]
?: What are you. Looking for?
[Voice identified: “Sparrow” Henderson.]
[A wagon can be heard in the background, as well as music from a video game.]
A: Any Showfall tech, or. Emi. You okay Kiddo? How's the pizzeria grind going?
Sp: Extremely good. I am what the kids at my school would call ‘God tier.’... Although I do have a question..?
A: Shoot?
Sp: That is. Bad wording. anyway, do you… Ever feel robotic. Not human… I ask because you are the only other person in this hideout. With an AI.
A:...sorry. I do, all of the time. It's..yeah. I do kiddo.
Sp: I am sorry… I… Do you have any advice? On that feeling…
A:..you have to surround yourself with those who see you for who you are; a human. A person. Same with the AI's.
Sp: I see… Wait… William… Do you hear that?
A: I..don't. What is it?
Sp: Tapping… From over there.
[Sparrow seemingly points somewhere, fabric shuffling noises behind Will.]
A:...hm. stay here Sparrow, okay?
Sp: No. I refuse. Aunt Rose told me someone has to be with you in case Virus shows up.
A: Hm. I'll be fine if something does happen though.
Sp: Same. I am. Speed.
A: You are, you are. You know what to do if there's danger right?
Sp: Promise number three to Mari. ‘In the event of danger I Sparrow, can't remember my birth first name. He⁷nderson. Shall run away from the danger.’
A: Okay, that's exactly What you do. No trying to help me, okay?
Sp: Sí.
[More fabric shuffling as there is seemingly a tug on Will's shirt.]
Sp: Be careful.
A: ..I'll try kiddo. I promise. If I yell, you need to leave.
Sp: Ok…
[The camera begins to turn and move towards the signified location, slowly and steadily. A steady sigh is picked up.]
Sp: It's getting louder. And louder.
A: I know..
[The camera turns for a second, watching Will adjust his grip on the pipe it uses to walk.]
A: Worst comes to worst, I can use this.
[A very very faint tapping is heard in the distance, seemingly someone tapping on a metal pole.]
A: Is..everyone else out Sparrow, if you know?
Sp: Mari and their friend are out looking for things, Rose passed out when we got here, and Edgar is also asleep… As signaled by his loud snoring.
A: Right, so that..isn't one of us. That's.. [A soft sigh]..not good is it.
[As they get closer, a humming can be heard. The song is identified as “My grandfather's clock.”]
A: Hold on..isn't that the fuckin…
Sp: Peon- No that wouldn't make sense… Peony's with me… Hm.
A: Sounds familiar, but I can't. Place it.
Sp: I should… [Muttering.] No have to stay together.
A: Sparrow. If you want to leave, go back to the others. Do so. I'm going to be fine.
Sp: I feel like. I can't… My head hurts.
A: ..let's head back. C'mon kiddos.
?: [Muffled and Whispered.] Follow me… You'll see Cassidy again.
[Voice identified: Emi Henderson.]
A: Sparrow. We need to go. That isn't safe, or true.
Sp: Cass…Idy..?
[A red wagon darts past both the camera and presumably Will heading to the source of the sound.]
A: SPARROW NO! FUCK!
[The camera begins to move in the same direction, the surroundings becoming a haze of color as The Archivist's speed picks up.]
[The surroundings change to a darker room, the only light coming from a phone and a blue lantern. Just then someone hits William presumably in the gut with their knee. There's a sharp and painful intake of breath as Will falls back, not expecting the hit.]
Sp: WILL!
[Sparrow attempts to run, but freezes in shock.]
Em: If you run I'm going to slit Will's fucking throat.
A: Dont - fucking listen to her, Sparrow-
[The Archivist speaks between sharp breaths.]
Em: Have I ever lied about a threat, William?
A: Doesn't matter, if you haven't.
Em: Aw, Their dad said the same thing… Now he's dead so like, guess his opinion doesn't really matter anymore.
A: Shut up. Leave them alone.
Em: Seeeee, I would… But Rose thinks that talking things out will fix everything. So to fix her stupidity, Sparrow's really the easiest thing…
A: NO. DO WHAT YOU FUCKING WILL WITH ME BUT LEAVE THEM OUT OF IT. [William pauses, hacking a cough.] Sparrow. Leave.
Em: Will. I'm not going to kill them, I'm not a monster. I will, however, make a little… AI playdate, assuming you know who shows up… Which I'm hoping for because it is REALLY hard to mask someone and hold you back at the same time.
A: Sparrow, please leave. Please.
Sp: THERE’S A WALL! AND AND… I DON'T WANT TO BE THE REASON YOU DIE…
A: I won't! This bitch won't do shit.
[The sound of a slice, Presumably Emi cutting it’s cheek. The camera can't focus on much, but a hiss of pain is picked up.]
Em: Trust me now? I will kill you William.
A: Do it, pussy. Barely scratched me.
Em: Damn… You really are suicidal huh? Normally I don't believe the anons but now?
A: They say nothing about me. I just don't fear it.
Em: Ok anyway, um… Virus! You gonna show up?
[There's a small crackle of static,albeit distant.]
Em: Oh shit… I didn't think that was going to work-
A: ..it's the blood. Motherfucker's like a killer whale.
Em: Oh, cool.
Sp: I'm scared…
A: Emi, please. Let them go, they aren't part of this feud shit with your half-sister. Please.
Em: Neither are you, but… Sometimes you have to go against the plan to prove a point.
A: I make sense, but Sparrow. You made a fucking deal. They're upkeeping their part.
Em: Why would this hurt Sparrow? If Peony is as good as you all think… What's the harm?
A: Hear me out, just a thought, fear. Trauma. That's a child. They're both kids.
Em: IT'S A FUCKING AI! You act like it has a soul, it's a bunch of code made by a bitch with purple hair! At least Virus seems human! Peony was made to lie, I would’ve thought you of all people could see that.
A: and how the fuck would you know. You're a monster that cares for nothing but their own ends.
[The crackling of static grows louder.]
Em: Welp! I believe it's showtime.
[William attempts to turn towards Sparrow, the camera moving as well.]
Em: Virus, if you’re here do you mind holding our guest in place?
?: My Pleasure!
[Voice Recognised: V.I.R.U.S PROTOCOL.]
Em: Great! Now Sparrow, I really recommend you don't try and fight back ok? I don't want to hurt you.
Sp: Help me Rose please… You promised…
A: Let them fucking go,Emi! Please!
[The camera begins moving, Will thrashing against the invisible hold.]
Em: Hey, their family. That didn't crush my head in. I promised not to hurt them.
[Emi begins walking towards the wagon, as heard in footsteps and eventually seen in frame. Sparrow slowly attempts to move back.]
A: Get the hell away from them! Don't touch them you dick!
Em: Too bad, night night little Sparro-
[Sparrow jams a small pocket knife into Emi's forearm, they try to roll away only for Emi to yank them out of the wagon by the wrist.]
Em: SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO YOU FUCKING BRAT?
A: LEAVE THEM ALONE!
[Emi finally places the mask on Sparrow as their body goes limp, a purple light shining from under the mask.]
[The Archivist stops moving, simply staring at Sparrow.]
A: You..you..why would you..
Em: To prove a fucking point William. Now Peony, if you can hear me I really recommend you do your job… Virus what will happen if they don't? I don't know how Showfall AI works.
V: Usually, we are coded to do so. If someone defects, we can make some..arrangements to fix that!
[The child sits up, looking around before locking onto the invisible figure. Their tone is even more monotone than usual.]
Sp?: Hello. Virus.
V: Hello, Peony. Ready to do your job?
Sp?: My job. Is to lure people to remasking or. Security. I cannot do that in a freezer.
Em: Do you still want to protect Sparrow? Your answer uh… What happens if they say yeah? Virus?
V: Recoding, and possible deletion from the system as a whole!
[This is said in a far-too-cheery voice.]
Sp?: No.
Em: Well you do have a secondary task correct?
Sp?: Mentally attack all rebels until they. Snap.
Em: CORRECT! In that case, I should probably get going before Rose wakes up glad to know you're on our side! Virus pleasure doing business with ya.
V: i hope we can do this again soon! It was extremely fun!
Em: Should we both head out or are you going to stay here?
V: I too, am going to leave. I have some time to kill!
Em: You wanna play uno? I have a deck of cards in my bag, and like… Nothing better to do today.
V: That sounds brilliant! Yes please!
[Emi can be heard walking away, the footsteps getting fainter and fainter.]
A: ….fuck. I'm..
Sp?: Hello. William.
A: Hi, Peony. Im..so sorry. I couldn't..
Sp?: Stop. Do not. Apologize. At least for that.
A: Then I'm sorry for everything. Every fucking thing. Genuinely, I.. don't want to see Sparrow or you hurt. I failed.
Sp?: I am not hurt. Sparrow maybe… I can not tell. Are you hurt?
A: Only a scratch on my cheek, I'm.. I'm fine. Could you pass me my pipe? Dropped it when I got a knee to the gut.
Sp?: You’re lying. I can tell. You are in. Mental distress.
A: …that's particular. How'd you know that?
Sp?: I can see. Your emotions. Because of… Mai.
A: Shit, dude. That must be overwhelming as hell.
Sp?: Less overwhelming. As it is annoying. Seeing people lie.
A: ..sorry. don't like having people worry over me.
Sp?: Family worries correct? That is human nature. I do not worry over you. Because I do not know you. I worry about Sparrow worrying.
A: Exactly. I'm trying to stem it off at the source. Normally if I just say things a certain amount of times it just goes away. I think.
Sp?: William. That is your name correct? That is. Not good. for your mental health.
A: Yeah, it is. Will may be easier though, If you wanna use that? And no, it isn't. Records say it classifies as repression. Still though, I have people to help. And I can't help when I'm sobbing. Is there anything you want to eat or drink, Peony?
Sp?: There's a woman with a rope behind you.
A: What?-
[The camera turns around to where Peony was talking about.In frame, Rose can be seen running towards the room with a rope in her one hand.]
Sp?: Duck.
[William does so,the camera moving down.]
[Rose can be heard hopping over William and landing on some sort of ground, two people struggling is heard.]
Sp?: Please untie me. Rose Elizabeth Henderson.
?: What?
[Voice identified: Rose Henderson.]
A: Rose,It's Peony, they're a friend! No need to tie them up!
R: WILL LAST I CHECKED, THEY ALMOST MADE JENNY and me KILL OURSELVES?
A: Rose, we can explain, just please. Untie them. You haven't been here.
R: No! I'm not letting them get access to the phone, what if Emi's right what if Their just tricking us?
[The child takes a deep breath, whispering something not picked up by the microphone.]
A: Stop shouting, lower your voice. Rose, they are safe. The last time, we can explain. Just please.
[The child's tone changes, they seemingly begin looking at Rose.]
Sp?: Lying? Like you lied to Sparrow for multiple months?
[The Archivist sighs, and composes himself.]
A: Now look, what's happened. Rose, they aren't a threat.
Sp?: You said that about Emi. and now look. Now Sparrow's gone.
R: SEE!
A: Lower.your.voice. Peony, you know you're safe here, right?
Sp?: Safe like Ruby was? Oh wait.
R: DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN NOW???
A: stop screaming. You're the one who made them feel scared enough to do this. I'll explain in time, but go back to the others. You just fucking missed Emi.
R: FINE WHATEVER! WHEN THIS BLOWS UP IN YOUR FACE THAT'S NOT MY FAULT!
Sp?: You couldn't even save yourself. You lost an arm thinking your sister was alive.
A: Peony. I think I know why you're acting like this. She isn't here, okay? You're away from her, and we'll get these off of you now, how does that sound kid?
Sp?: I can't trust you… I can't, I can't, I can't… Your phone is on.
A: It's fucking what. For crying out loud.
[A hand pulls the phone out of its pocket, and the camera is facing Will.]
A: Get fucked. You pieces of shit.
[It throws the phone aside, the audio picking up a clatter of plastic on the floor.]
Sp?: I can't trust any of you. No No No No No No.
A: Is there a way I can prove my trust?
Sp?: I do not know.
A:.. I promise you kid, I'm going to try my hardest to look after you and Sparrow. I'm going to fight tooth and claw whilst I'm alive to make sure nobody, and I mean nobody, hurts you again.
Sp?: Do not break the mask.
A: If you're comfortable with it, I won't. However, if you or Sparrow ask me too, I will.
Sp?: Remove. Do not. Break.
A: That can be done. When do you want it removed?
Sp?: As soon. As possible. Do not want. Sparrow scared.
A:...I could do it now? Shouldn't be as hard as mine was to take off..
R: [Distant.] THE SPIDER LEGS REMEMBER! WAIT FOR MARI BECAUSE THEY TOOK THE GOOD KNIFE THAT WORKS LIKE A SAW!
A: Thank you! When Mari comes back, we can get that off you, okay Kiddo?
Sp?: Ok.
[End transcript.]
@rosetheex-editor
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Talent-swap Havoc [Chapter 2 trial: Bathroom Terrors]
youtube
youtube
Major Suspects: Leon Kuwata and Yasuhiro Hagakure.
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[TW: Su1c1de it mentioned as a death option and talked about for the first 3 paragraphs. It is not mentioned in the video.]
Once the elevator doors opened, everyone entered the trial room for their second class trial. They all go straight to their podiums and Kiyotaka brings up something important, was Yasuhiro's death a suicide or a murder? Leon asks why Taka would think Yasuhiro would commit such an act, seemingly angry with an accusation like that. Kiyotaka brings up that the murder weapon was never moved from the body and that it was found on the floor, meaning the culprit had no need to hide the weapon. Considering it was different from the many other weapons.
Junko intervenes, asking if anyone had ever saw Yasuhiro with that item or saw him doing suspicious behavior. No one answers, so that didn't help. Aoi backs up Taka's claim with the chair being placed in the room as well, but Toko questions why he'd even want to be in the girls bathroom for that. He had no way of entering unless he stole a girl's Monopad. Everyone was split between Yasuhiro committing suicide or not. Byakuya brings up the possibility of the culprit framing it as such, there was no way Yasuhiro could enter the girl's bathroom. Junko then brought up the fact that there was no blood on Yasuhiro's hands, there should have been some when he sliced his neck open.
Sakura confirms this, saying she and Aoi checked his Monopad; it stated he was male not female. Now Kyoko brought up a new question, which girl killed him? This caused tension, Sakura was confused as to why she'd be so open to be accused, Kyoko responded saying she knows she didn't do it so she has no reason to fear. Aoi yelled that she was probably lying, so Mondo had to step in and ask for everyone's alibis. Almost none of them had an alibi; Aoi, Sakura, Sayaka, Chihiro and Celestia don't have alibis.
There's silence, deadly silence. No one knew what to say after that. Byakuya decides to move past that part right now, saying it was to soon to decide or fight. He brings up what happened in the boys bathroom that Junko and Chihiro found. Junko continues on, stating what they learned and where they found it. This meant that a boy could've killed Yasuhiro instead. Byakuya explains his theory, the culprit killed him in the boy's bathroom and moved it to the girl's, not mentioning the monopads.
Mondo asks how that would even be possible, stating that the they'd need a male monopad first to get into the bathroom and then a female's first. Then, one line that affected the trial seriously... "The culprit could have used Makoto's Monopad right? After all, there's no rule against it and it's easy to obtain."
Byakuya, Junko, Toko and Chihiro froze in shock, they now have a suspect. Byakuya smirked, Junko panicked, Toko screamed and Chihiro almost cried.
Aoi spoke those words...
Byakuya smiled and asked how they knew that information, the only ones who knew that were him, Toko, Chihiro and Junko. Aoi froze and stammered, asking how could only they know that information when it's left out in the open. Byakuya asked if anyone knew where the extra Monopads were, everyone was confused. Junko explained that Monokuma never told anyone about this and that they found them during the investigation. Monokuma confirmed this information. Aoi couldn't reply, Sakura asked when Aoi found those and Aoi stayed silent.
Sayaka tried getting an answer, but Aoi stayed silent. The evidence pointed to her, so Junko guiltily called her out. Explaining that Aoi could have found out about the Monopads and used them to her advantage, hoping no one would find them. Aoi stayed silent as everyone tried getting her to talk, eventually she did. She was angry, she asked how could Junko accuse her friend so quickly like that. Was it because of Makoto? Sakura cut her off, asking for the truth.
Aoi sighed, saying she was trying to make it look like the crime happened in the boy's bathroom and that they tried making it look like girl did it. That's why she left the blood visible after Leon left. She tried framing the crime on Leon. Leon wanted to get angry but Sayaka calmed him down. Byakuya asked how she knew about those Monopads, Hina said she found them while walking around, she didn't want to tell anyone in case they were used to kill one. Monokuma laughed at the irony. It was time to vote, everyone voted Hina and got it correct.
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Sakura asked Hina one final question before saying goodbye, trying not to cry. She asked why Hina did it, Aoi said it was because of her secret. Truth is, she had accidently broke her brother's neck during on of their training sessions shortly before joining Hope's Peak. Aoi never let her self live past that since. Everyone was pretty shocked by that, but before they could answer further, Monokuma announced it was punishment time.
#danganronpa#danganronpa talentswap#danganronpa trigger happy havoc#junko enoshima#makoto naegi#byakuya togami#mondo owada#aoi asahina#leon kuwata#sayaka maizono#sakura ogami#toko fukawa#chihiro fujisaki#kyoko kirigiri#celestia ludenberg#kiyotaka ishimaru#yasuhiro hagakure#monokuma#Youtube
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