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shinyrhinestones · 2 days

Text

Bubbling over

Summary: Just some self care fluff with Bill.

Pairing: Bill Kaulitz X Fem!Reader. (Also this is around 2006, Reader is the same age as Bill).

Genre: fluff and angst.

Warnings: mental illness, depressive episode, neglecting yourself..use of Y/N..? Make-up, Kissing.

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The sun had made its appearence hours ago but you couldn’t find the motivation to get out of bed. You were still tired and had slept bad. You kept waking up every now and then interrupting your sleep. You normally forget to tend to the world outside of you and your connections. It wasn’t always on purpose. It was just hard to. It felt overwhelming at times. Bill had noticed that. You weren’t responding to his texts or calls. You had woken up and honestly just wanted to sleep more to escape reality but you couldn’t fall asleep. Like your body was ready to wake up but your mind wanted to shut down. You felt a hand on your shoulder expecting it to be a family member at first. You sighed, frowning into your pillow. “Y/N” You heard a familiar voice say. He shook you very gently, trying to wake you, assuming that you were still sleeping. You felt the bed shift as he sat down on his knees next to you. You didn’t even have energy to speak. It felt like if you did you would break down and cry. Bill might’ve noticed that. “Bist du ok?” He asked. (Are you okay?).

He looked around. Seeing how the sun tried to shine through your curtains but unable to fully reach you as your curtains had been left untouched, covering the window. It had been covering the windows for days now. He moved one side of the curtains out of the suns way. He didn’t want to disturb you completely even though he wanted to help.

You shook your head into your pillow. He understood. He rubbed your arm. You felt his cold rings along his soft palm. He left soft kisses on your arm, letting them linger. He pouted as he watched you lay still in your bed. Your hair was getting greasy and was a mess. He laid down next to you, wrapping an arm around your waist, holding you close. You hummed for a second, feeling his embrace from behind. You shuffled closer.

A few minuttes had passed you just couldn’t fall asleep again. Bill wasn’t event that tired. You turned around feeling his arm lift to give you space as your turned to face him. His palm was laying flat against your back as you shuffled closer. You lifted your hands up to his cheeks, cupping them. Studying his face for a few seconds, letting your fingertips stroke across his delicate face. You locked eyes with him for a moment, staring into his brown eyes.

He tried to study you too. Your eyes and expression. He was scared to do or say something. Honestly, he didn’t know what to do. You withdrawed your touch from him and held your hands against your own chest. Even though you didn’t want to do anything ‘cause of all the feelings overwhelming you, you just couldn’t sleep no more. You sat up and looked around. Bill didn’t take his eyes off you. Mess. Your whole room was messy. Clothing scattered all around your bedroom. It felt embarrassing, knowing that Bill had walked into this and seen it. You couldn’t hold it anymore. Your face feel into the place of your palms, tears starting to spill. Darkness having it’s turn with you all around. Inside you and around. Bill sat up immediately, wrapping an arm around your waist and setting his other hand in your hair. He frowned. Bill had had these days himself but he didn’t know what was going on inside of your mind. He wasn’t sure on how to help. You rested your head in the crook of his neck, sobbing in his arms. Even though you couldn’t see yourself, you knew your face had gotten red from crying. Bill didn’t care. He only cared about how to help you, hating that you were in this state. Not much was said between you. Like words weren’t important in the moment. Bill got up and took a hold of your hand. “Come.” He almost whispered. You closed your eyes for a second the thought of doing anything was too much to bear. However you followed. Holding onto his hand and following him as he took you to your bathroom.

It’s not that your family didn’t care about your well being, it’s just that they knew you felt like this and that they could only give what they had to give. They wanted to take it slow, at your own pace. Not wanting to pressure you into anything. But also not wanting to lose you from within their grip.

Your feet made contact with the cold tiles. He locked the door to your bathroom, ensuring privacy. He let the tub fill and dipped his fingertips into the water to make sure it was warm enough for you.

He turned the hot water on from the bathtub, letting it fill up and helped you out of your pjamas. When he reached for the edge of your shirt he looked into your eyes. “May I?” His voice was barely audible. You nodded, placing your own hands on his as he calmly undressed you.

Bill guided you into the bath letting you sit there for a moment, engulfed in the warm water. He took off his socks and placed a towel on the floor between him and the tub. He sat down on his knees. The only thing you could hear was the faint noise of what ever your family was doing downstairs and the sound of water moving whenever you stirred. “It’s okay, you know?” He suddenly said. You just nodded. It felt like no energy was left in you to even open your mouth, and if you did, you would most likely break down again. Bill gave you a vague smile. He started to take off his rings, placing them on the edge of the sink near you. Bill grabbed the shower head and turned it on. He motioned for you to lean your head back, so he could wash your hair. You closed your eyes and did what he gestured. It’s not like you didn’t enjoy your own body, but Bill had rarely seen intimate parts of you. You were both so young. So you both just took things as they came. And you and Bill hadn’t really gotten that far. You had been together for some time but you also didn’t feel completely ready. Perhaps Bill felt the same way. From Bills side he just wanted to do for you, what he himself found relaxing.

His hands brushed down your wet hair. His lips parted, his eyes concentrated on your hair. You closed your eyes. You felt the warmth around you and running down your head, shoulders and back. Bill took his other hand and laid it on your cheek, caressing you.

You could almost feel all of his hand pressing into you as he ran shampoo through hair. He washed it out again. He turned off the shower head and you both heard how the stopping of the flow brought more silence. He grabbed a shower gel. “Can I continue?” He asked. At this point it felt like would it even matter? Again you nodded. Bill understood that your silence wasn’t because you were afraid but because things seemed too hard to manage. And so he carried on. Washing your body and making sure to condition your hair aswell.

Even when he was done washing your body, you didn’t want to get up. You just looked at Bill from under your eyelashes. His palms ran around your back. Around in circles, squares and all kinds of figures and patterns. He looked through the cupboards finding two towels. You weren’t looking, but you could hear the opening and closing. He went back to you. “Come here.” You leaned closer, letting your hair fall onto the towel that he had sat beneath him. He started to dry your hair with the towel. It felt like he was massaging your scalp. He ended up wrapping your hair up in the towel.

He slowly brought himself to his feet, letting his hands fall from the white towel to your hands, guiding you out of the tub. “Here”. He mumbled, wrapping another towel around your body. You clutched onto it, so it didn’t fall from your figure.

Remembering you had to enter your bedroom again, brought down the mood more than it already had been. It did feel like the bath had distracted you for a moment. You leaned into the embrace of Bill. He hugged you back, his arms secure around you. You stood there swinging lightly in your hug. Closing your eyes again, melting in his arms.

—-

Walking into your bedroom you started to put on some fresh comfortable clothing. Bill sat down on the edge of your bed, watching as you found the energy to dress yourself. Dressed in some pjamas again you looked around and started pouting again. “Oh.” You exhaled as you saw the clutter around you. “My room is a mess.” You crossed your arms, like you were hugging yourself. Shame started to creep in on you. You wanted a clean room but you were always too tired and unmotivated to actually do it. Bills eyes fell as he saw how down you still were. He walked up to you, stopping right infront of you. “It’s okay.” He cupped your cheek shortly. “No, my room is horrible.” Your voice broke at the end of your sentence. Bill still wasn’t sure of his choice of words.

He interlocked his fingers with yours guiding you over to your bed. You sat down, and Bill on the other side, your fronts facing each other.

“What do you want to do? If you want we can clean, I don’t mind”. Bill only wanted to help, so if you wanted to clean your messy room, he would accompany you. It’s so hard to make a decision. Because you don’t even want to think about the future. Too many emotions to even feel what you wanted to do in the moment. Bill brushed your still slightly wet hair to the side, caressing your cheek. “I don’t know”. Your eyes were glued to your quilt. You were still tired. Your eyelids were still heavy and your body felt too weak for anything. You wiped your face with your palms, as Bills hand retracted from yours for a second. “I still feel gross.” You sighed. A bath couldn’t wash away the way you felt in your own skin.

“We can’t have that.” Bill gave you a weak smile before standing up from your bed. He started to search through your desk looking for whatever make-up, jewelry and nailpolish he could find. “Come here”. He sat down on his knees by your bed as you shuffled to sit by the edge. He found his way between your knees. “Put this on or your hair is in the way”. He handed you a thin black headband. You tilted your head back and pushed your hair back before setting the headband by your hairline. When you looked back down Bill gave you a small smile. He started doing his thing, painting your face with all the make-up he found. You felt a cold sensation as he applied concealer on your face. Bill had this cute expression on his face as he focused on blending the make-up. His tongue stuck out between his teeth, just by a little centimeter. Your lips started to curve upward by the sight of him being so concentrated. His eyebrows scrunched for a second.

He was about to use an eyelash curler on you but you flinched and grabbed his hand sloppily. “Wait.” You mumbled and took the eyelash curler. His eyes widened vaguely. “I don’t feel safe if you do it.” You explained and grabbed a mirror that laid among your make-up. For Bill it was a small succes that you wanted to do something yourself and actually formed a sentence. Yes, your voice was still low but you used more energy on talking. Energy you barely had. You curled your eyelashes and loosely let the mirror and eyelash curler fall to the beds surface.

Bill moved the make-up away from the bed. He sat next to you on the bed and admired your face for a moment. You laid down letting your knees be in the air. You stared at the ceiling almost getting lost in your thoughts again. Bill laid down next you, but instead of laying on his back, he rested his weight on his arms laying on his stomach. He was almost the only thing in sight now. Your lips started to curve upwards. “You’re beautiful.” He whispered. He didn’t mean to. He meant to say it out loud, not that low.

“Oh. Thank you.” You raised your eyebrows for a second like it was new. But Bill wasn’t afraid to show his love and affection for someone he truly loved.

His hand caressed your cheek before he gave you an eskimo kiss. Nose to nose. You couldn’t stop giggling when he did that. Your hands raised to cup and caress his face aswell. “Thank you.” You whispered. Bill knew for what even though you already said thank you. A few seconds passed. He had a faint smile on his face and his brown eyes beamed slightly. His soft hand still resting on top of your cheek, the other holding on to the arm that was holding on to him too. He let his lips find yours and give you a deep kiss.

#reblogging bc this means alot to me #bill kaulitz fanfiction #bill kaulitz fluff #bill kaulitz fic #tokio hotel comfort #tokio hotel x reader #tokio hotel fluff #bill kaulitz

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