Wtf what did the social worker even do? Tell u to knock it off and cast a magic spell to make u think humans are good actually?

Tw s*icide in fiction, panic attacks, ableism

The social worker and me were actually cool, because I'd been seeing her for my panic attacks. Nothing she said helped, but they promised (and lied) that they wouldn't tell my caregiver if I went every week so I did. If nothing else, it was a way to get out of a stressful class when I wanted to.

As for her reaction to that essay, I'm sure they made her read it but I never specifically brought it up myself and when she did she shrugged it off as "not surprising considering you have a long term record of being very smart but having difficulty socializing" and "kind of ridiculous that they sent you to me for this because I'm not in the business of changing anyone's views on humanity". She also said that she was "not sure they actually know what a social worker is or does if they think this is where they should send you for this".

I admit she seemed less supportive of my views than annoyed with their lack of understanding of her job - but it worked out to the same outcome for me of not having to talk about it anymore soooooo I was cool. We spent about 3/4 of that period just venting about them not understanding her job.

But the rest of the year I got looks from that teacher and she refused to call on me after that, when previously and in all my other classes I was the go to student for "no one knows the answer? Ok well I know who does - X you wanna answer this?". It was obvious I challenged that teacher's worldview and she did not like it. But she also tried to tell me she would send me to the office for refusing to read from a book about s*icide with a passage where someone literally has a panic attack (the book is told from inside their head and was VERY accurately written - it caused me a panic attack when I was forced to read it to avoid the write up!) a year before I would start being wheelchaired during panic attacks myself because I could no longer hide them. That was hell, but since she REALLY wanted me to talk to the social worker, I did - about how distressing that entire book was and how the teacher ignored multiple requests to be out of the room for discussions of su*cide and forcing me to read a panic attack in first person perspective out loud to the class. She filed a report. Idk if it went anywhere but ya know, she was right about one thing, talking to the social worker did make me feel better once that teacher got reported lol.

It was an overall -a million/ten experience in her class and I would have happily told that teacher to go fuck herself if I thought it wouldn't ruin my angelic-ly good (in front of adults lol) gifted kid privileges. I was *not* giving up the fact that monitors and admins ignored straight-up excessive PDA, swearing, tardies, missing work, etc. just to tell that teacher off. But I *do* hope she rots in hell and I also hope she thinks about that essay sometimes. I really do think it haunts her haha.

Darry having and important conversation with the Social services lady and pony comes in and kicks his chair aggressively and screams vagina.

PONYBOY VAGINA ANON WHO ARE YOU????

under cut cuz swearing tw

Anyone who says sex work is bad because it's exploitation is so fucking funny to me because like. What do you call slaving away with multiple "normal" jobs where you're overworked/underpaid and harassed by customers just to BARELY make ends meet?

Like, welcome to capitalism, babes. Working under capitalism is inherently exploitative.

(this is not even addressing the fact most sex workers are independent these days and likely making a lot more than they would in a "normal" job)

In my last residential treatment stay, I did have one psychiatrist who I trusted and had a positive relationship with. Her name was Dr. R, and when I came in on the first day of treatment and told her that I would not take any psych meds and that I had a lot of past psych trauma, she validated me and told me that she would not bring up meds unless I did. Throughout my stay there, she was empathetic, listened to my concerns, helped advocate for me, and generally made me feel heard. At the same time, when management took away our doors-she did nothing. When I needed to get a feeding tube--she lied to me about how long it would be in, and what I needed to do to get it out. She enforced policies about restricting outside breaks, restrictions on items, and contributed to treatment plans that my friends felt were unfair and damaging.

She was a good person and I liked her, but she was choosing to work within a system where she could not control the dozens of things happening there that harmed us every single day. This is what I mean when I say there is no such thing as a good psychiatrist in inpatient units--she was a progressive, validating, nice person --but her very job description made it impossible for a “good provider” to exist. To be a provider who wasn’t a part of the harm that was occurring on that unit, she would have had to quit, because the very requirements of her job required committing ethical violations, restricting peoples autonomy, and perpetrating iatrogenic harm. If she had stopped enforcing harmful policies and challenged her coworkers publically, she probably would have gotten fired. And that really is the problem--causing iatrogenic harm has essentially become a job requirement on inpatient units, and being a “good provider” by the metrics of the system require you to participate in that harm. 

I think Dr. R did a better job than most inpatient psychs in mitigating the harms she participated in, and finding ways to resist shitty systems when possible. I was glad she was there and I think she made my treatment better, but the two of us had a lot of conversations together where she acknowledged the fucked up things happening in the treatment center, acknowledged her role in them, and also stated that she did not have any power to change them. She could not fix the system by working within the system. 

I get a lot of questions by people who are interested in careers in the mental health system, and asking me on whether I think it’s okay for them to work there. My first response is usually if you’re asking because you’re feeling guilty after seeing what psych survivors say, I’m not someone who’s going to give you permission to ignore that guilt. The second thing I usually say is this: you need to go into this job aware with the fact that you will cause people harm, you will get into ethical dilemmas, and there will be times where you will either have to betray your personal values or quit. There isn’t one right answer on how to engage with mental healthcare as a provider, with the reality that until we build up alternative systems of care, the current structures still exist and have people who need support inside of them.  If that’s something that you think you can navigate in a way that lets you create the least harm possible, then that’s something you need to decide for yourself, and to think really deeply about if the reality of the psych system matches up with your goals.

court awarded a terf piece of shit 100k because she was seemingly fired for having ‘gender critical’ views and now everyone is congratulating her. so just to say if you are a terf get the fuck off of here. And anyone who doesn’t fall into the demands of ‘gender critics’ I fucking love you and I am so glad you are here

There needs to be an anarchist mutual aid hotline. Like you call it and your local prison abolitionist transgender comrade answers and you can just be like "Hi I went to hospital for help but instead they're just deeply incompetent and retraumatising me, also I'm homeless, what do I do?" and they can be like "I got you, tell them to fuck off and remember it's always morally correct to lie to psychiatrists. If you want, my friend lives near the hospital and can pick you up and my neighbour lets people crash in their spare room, also if you put my name down as next of kin I'll advocate for your discharge. Or if you prefer we can brainstorm how to demand what you need and I'll get a friend in the area to come visit you so you feel safer."

Maybe I need to make this a thing.

Guess who went to their local psych ward today? It's me 💁🏻‍♂️ This boy's seeking the help he deserves.

They didn't have any capacity rn though and since I'm not suicidal, they sent me home. But they got me a letter so that I can come back tomorrow or on Wednesday. Part of me wants to say I'll just take the option of being put on the waiting list so that I can make things worse in the meantime to "really be deserving of help".

I already packed my bag though so that I can go at any time. It was kind of reassuring that they said the only option would be to put me in the addiction ward. That made things real for me - yet on the other hand some portion of me still thinks I have no problem.

The docs were super cool about me being trans too. Didn't made a big deal out of it. Just asked me for my pronouns. They were really kind and helpful in general.

When waiting for the docs I said to my social worker, "If they don't have a bed for me, I'll just surrender to my fate and accept it." She took some time and said she doesn't see any other option than for me to just keep on drinking until I get help. Asked me to please not go cold turkey on my own.

The appointment at the place that helps victims of violence the guy was really nice as well.

It's strange how often people ask me how I'm even handling everything I have to carry and handle. My past. The conflicts of the present. And how I've been carrying it all by myself for so long.

The thing I get told the most is that I'm strong. "I don't think I am", I say. "I'm just doing what has to be done. There's no other way."

And the guy I had the appointment with said, "There is. You could have thrown yourself in front of a train. Many people do."

"That's not an option for me", I said.

It isn't.

It isn't.

omg omg omg tell me about "sammie baby :("

tw: talk of past abuse

ZO >:) i was hoping you would ask asdjfkl. i think sam's past is brushed over a lot, not in the sense that its not acknowledged just in the sense that there isn't a whole lot of detail out there about it and something about that intrigues the hell out of me. we talk about alexis and post alexis but what about pre-alexis??? because there is so much substance and so little detail and i just think he's been through hell

i have also had the hc that he was such a good healer because of his childhood. practice makes perfect right? when his powers manifested he was more inclined to healing but he ended up honing that skill to such a high degree early on because of his situation.

giving you a little snip theorizing about the 'lost years' as i refer to them in my noggin. he got to dahlia, on his own, when he was 16 but started courses when he was 19 and the empty space between just sits like a rock in my stomach. anyways here's a little sneaky peaky into my theory :)

----

"A few friends and I came to California on a vacation and for whatever reason my teenage brain decided I liked it here. The weather was better than it was out there, and it was about as far as I could get.” 

He cleared his throat and sat for a second, eyes focusing and unfocusing, the ghosts of everything he left there lurking behind their silver hue. Darlin instinctively scooted closer, noses bumping into each other, trying to provide as much warmth and support as their body could muster. 

“I uh… I didn’t have anyone out here. For a long time. But there were more empowered kids around, people who let me crash on their couch. I mean I was a kid at that point, and a beaten down one at that. And avoiding the department was a hell of a task.”

“Avoiding the department?”

“I didn’t want to go into that system. I didn’t want my parents to know where I had run off to. I didn’t want any of it. So I was playing hide and seek with them for years. Didn’t start classes at D.A.M.N. until I was 19 and I knew they couldn’t ship me back there.”

Whumptober Day 24 - Neglect

Hualian Modern AU: artist HC.

Xxxxxxxxxx

"San Lang?" Xie Lian calls quietly as he toes off his shoes and hangs his jacket. No response. That's odd, normally San Lang's just...there: either scooping him into a hug in the entry way or poking his head out of the kitchen. He tries again, a little louder but still he's met with nothing.

He knows Hua Cheng's here, they have plans to cook together after conflicting scheduled have kept them apart for two whole weeks. He pads to Hua Cheng's kitchen to put away the ingredients he's picked up but is immediately struck by how unkempt it is. There are dirty dishes in the sink, empty takeaway containers on the counters, and, when he opens the fridge it's almost empty save for a questionable looking tupperware.

Xie Lian's brow furrows and a little thread of worry starts to spool in his chest. San Lang's kitchen is always clean, Xie Lian has never known him to neglect chores like this. Unless....

It still makes him hesitate to wander around someone else's apartment without permission, but San Langs reminders echo in his head:

"This place is yours too, gege."

It's sort of true, with how much time Xie Lian spend here. Either way, it emboldens him enough to tiptoe down the hall to the studio. He's only been in it a scant few times but he has a feeling this is where he'll find him.

He pushes open the door and sighs fondly when he catches sight of San Lang's back. He's hunched over a canvas, clearly so absorbed in his work he hasn't noticed Xie Lian's presence. Xie Lian is tempted to watch him for a little while, but he's quick to realise that San Lang isn't moving, just sitting there, his brush dripping onto the tarp. it's then that Xie Lian notices how cold the room is.

"San Lang," he murmurs, stepping towards him. Hua Cheng snaps to attention immediately, turning on his stool. But his usual grace is absent and Xie Lian hurries to catch him before he falls. A pained whine is muffled in his shirt and he takes note of the heat radiating of him.

"San Lang, you're sick," he chides softly, tucking him closer and coaxing him to look up. And, oh, he looks awful: flushed cheeks, bleary eyes, beads of sweat lining his forehead.

"Gege..." it comes out on a sigh and Hua Cheng melts against him, eye fluttering shut when Xie Lian tucks a stray piece of hair from his braid back behind his ear. It looks like it hasn't been washed in days.

"Mmm, I'm here," Xie Lian replies, chewing his lip. He wonders, briefly if Hua Cheng can stand before discarding that idea entirely and just repositioning. He does give Hua Cheng a warning before he eases him into his arms but he doesn't expect him to try and wriggle free. he plants his feet to stop them both ending up on the floor.

"Wh- San Lang, what's wrong?"

"I...I need. I need to finish. Please gege, it's not- Please-" San Lang babbles, something desperate edging his tone that strikes deep in Xie Lian's chest. He swallows past the lump in his throat and cups Hua Cheng's too warm cheek.

"You can finish it later, San Lang." He presses a finger against cracked lips when it looks like San Lang might argue. "Please, let me look after you. When you feel better you can come back to it."

Hua Cheng's noise of acquiescence or maybe more protest is lost to a ragged cough and then a full on fit as he buried his face in Xie Lian's shoulder. Xie Lian braces him through it and takes the weight when he sags in the aftermath.

"Gege is right." He sounds exhausted, his voice hoarse. Xie Lian steadies him in his arms and presses a soft kiss to his sweaty temple.

He carries him through to the kitchen and sets him on the counter, keeping one hand around his waist just in case.

"'m' fine, gege," Hua Cheng tries to insist, but he presses closer to keep his head cradled against Xie Lian's collar. Xie Lian lets him with a gentle laugh, reaching for the last clean glass and the end of a packet of paracetamol. The kitchen is small so he has no issue working with his human sized limpet.

Hua Cheng winces when he drinks but Xie Lian just encourages him until he's taken the pills and finished the water before rewarding him with a kiss on the forehead. In the light of the kitchen, Hua Cheng looks even worse: the pink of his cheeks is starker, the bags under his eyes are more prominent. There's redness around the string of his eyepatch that Xie Lian knows has to hurt. Xie Lian's own chest aches that he wasn't there sooner, that Hua Cheng had neglected himself for so long.

He clicks his tongue but says no more on it for now. There'll be a time and a place for talking about this. For now, Xie Lian just scoops Hua Cheng back into his arms and carries him to the bedroom for some much needed rest.

( alright SO. at the doctor's office we discussed the potential for me going on T and they said i could do it if i liked, i just hesitated with jumping straight into it cuz smth apparently happened with the insurance in the sense that they're not sure if they're affiliates with it so they may not actually be able to bill them directly??? idk lol. BUT i'm crossing my fingers that whatever snafu they ran into shouldn't be a big deal and i'll be covered (which tbh should be the case cuz the institution was listed on my insurance's website as a covered provider) so 1. my parents don't have to take on another financial burden and 2. it would be a great place to do my immunizations/checkups/etc while i'm not at home, AND if i manage to talk through things i may be expecting with my therapist and my parents about potential future costs/copays/that sort of thing, then maybe, JUST maybe, T may be in my near future!!! fingers crossed for me!! 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞 )

aspd-culture is

Being told in English/literature class in school to write or speak about if humans are inherrently good or bad and then getting told by the teacher you are just plain WRONG for your side ("but it is very well-written and convincing which is even more worrying honestly" -the teacher in question) as the rest of the class chooses "inherrently good" and being the only one in the class who is forced to write a whole second essay arguing the other side as an "exercise in challenging your beliefs to see if they hold up". Then getting a private conversation wherein you are told you have to see the social worker when you say your beliefs haven't changed despite being able to write a convincing essay of the other side (because you echoed the points you knew they wanted to hear).

This one is so specific and probably unrelateable, but I have been holding onto the anger since high school, and I needed to let it out after all these years.

tw: mentions of harassment, a joke about 💀

Fuck Youtuber pranksters who film other people’s humiliation for clout. The fuck is wrong with you? Don’t you have anything better to do than harass retail workers? Our businesses are understaffed, we’e underpaid, sometimes we have to work in shitty conditions and already have some much to put up with in a day – either from management or customers. Last thing we need is you strolling up and filming us melting down so you can somehow feel better about your ugly ass.

I bet you your entire Youtube salary you wouldn’t last one fucking day working in retail / customer service. Have you ever hand stand on your feet 8 hours a day? Have you ever had to take stupid questions from even stupider customers? Have you ever faced harassment from customers who want your head for simply doing your job? Have you ever faced harassment from male customers who want to “get lucky” and won’t take, “No,” for an answer? Have to you ever been snapped at or reduced to tears by management for every little mistake?

You wouldn’t last until noon, asshole.

You think it’s cool to harass people just trying to get by? I wake up wanting to die every day, but I keep showing up and take it all lying down because I need the money and a job until find another. You harassed me. You made unwarranted comments about my appearance and I flipped you off like you deserve. Yet I’m the one getting punished for your behavior and you’re getting praise for it. My < male > co-worker is getting praise for remaining calm, but I’m the one being forced to watch my humiliation and review my behavior and told to maintain my composure in the future because you harassed me and my reaction was warranted.

Between the whole Rachel Zegler thing on social media and now this, it’s been a bad week for decent human beings. The Internet has really just rotted away people’s minds and souls. We have reached a new low if some pathetic little cretin on Youtube can amass 24K views and get praise for being a total asshole to people and absolutely no one calls him out on it.

It's always fun to see ableism from within social work circles,,,/s (like massive sarcasm here)

(Notably using the words "narcissist", "crazy", "schizophrenic", "psychopath" etc as insults and demonizing the disorders connected to those)

so i had an illegal stop / discrimination incident with the police (due to my partner being trans and our local PD having a history of transphobia) so i wanted to provide some tips / things we should have done! keep in mind this may not be accurate for your state/locality and this advice is US specific.

1. do Not exit your vehicle unless they say they “need” or you “must” exit! if they ask if you “can” exit or if you “will” exit then you do not have to.

2. they cannot search you unless they are given reason to. they must tell you why and have substantial reason to

3. ask if you are being detained! and why! ask if you are free to leave! leave if you are!!

4. GET THEIR NAME AND BADGE NUMBER!

5. body cam footage can be acquired through an open records request. many PDs have implemented body cams- check if yours has and what rules they have for when they must be recording

6. have a voice recorder/dash cam or start recording on your phone just in case! you never know when you will need this footage. in my state I don’t have to inform people of recording them but in some states you do so be sure to check your state laws.

7. if their vehicle blocks you from leaving - this is an illegal stop. For example, my partner and i were parked in a parking lot and surround by cars on all three sides and the officer’s car blocked the backside of the car so we could not escape

8. roll down your window when asked but you do not have to open your door (may be obvious but i made this mistake)

9. Check to see if their lights are on! If their vehicle lights are on and they haven’t told you you have done anything illegal - also an illegal stop.

10. check the time at the start of the interaction and at the end of the interaction! and state the time and date and location in any video you do!

My mom: *brags to the waitress about she adopted her youngest from a horrible situation and how she actively makes sure he knows his brothers from the same mother and wow, isnt she such a great person?*

Also my mom the second the waitress leaves: *tells a story laughing about how my step-dad responded to their adopted son being a normal onry six year old by grabbing him by the ankle, holding upside down in the air, and smacking his ass repeatedly*

Every time she calls, she has another story about spanking the shit out of this kid or screaming at him or about how 'bad' this kid is who, need I remind, is a child of prenatal meth exposure, is probably neurodivergent, definitely needs therapy, and is six.

She wonders why I don't visit.