#truly not really about gender
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Me when i remember im not a grown man
Me when i remember everyone sees me as a girl even my friends because they cant help it because even tho they except and love me nearly all of them (or atleast the cis ones) cant see past the fem appearance and they do the thing where they try to affirm me by saying "the right things" but it feels fake and awkward and i just want it to be real i just want to be real. and i get to the point where i cant even remember my own personality because im trying to please everyone.. but that's probably more autism related and idk why i would try to please everyone because
*stops because im not gonna allow myself to call myself an asshole bad person etc*
Anyway i hate self improvement wdym lucie you're not gonna call yourself bad names? congrats
🫠🫠🫠🫠😭😭😭
HOLY SHIT I REACHED TAG LIMIT IM BONKERS
#its bed time#i go sleep now 😕😕😕#lucien talks#and sometimes i hate all my names because i can not be contained i can not be contained by a name but the name becomes your brand and every#one has there impression of you that they think of when your name is said#and the impressions people have of you cling to the name and they cling to the name and weigh it down until its a stranger#and i was not ment to be put in a body. not any body. im not saying i wanted to be amab im saying i dont want to have a body#and i do not hate my body. i just dont want one im not supposed to be here im not supposed to be here#and i do not hate my mind but i do not trust it and i wish i knew my soul because i think then i would be free and i would just be light#light.. like my names mean#i was ment to be light#im not supposed to be here#and i know i sound incoherent and insane but i was not made for this. there is more there is more there has to be more#please understand please tell me i dont sound insane please tell me.this is fine and i am fine and i am loved please#and please know that while i started this rant with something about gender it truly has everything to do with just being perceived and#truly not really about gender#that i can never explain me and noone can ever truly know me and there's no special telepathy#and you love me so tightly but we will be completely understood#and thats all anyone wants#that is all anyone wants#*you can love me so tightly#and i dont know why i feel so alone no matter how hard everyone tries to love me#these friends i know so well!! and love and they love me! but there will always be an aspect of superficiality#and it cant be helped#but gosh i love i love i love#and i love too much for this body#let me be light#and i dont want to be remembered for they what if they remember the body what if they remember the superficiality#what if they do not remember the light
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oh god they made chaos in hades ii so fucking hot oh my god oh my g
#damien.txt#send help the gender on them..... oh my god....#i am looking SO. UNBELIEVABLY. HARD.#they made everyone hot tho. hephaestus. hecate. nemisis. and more.#oh god i've only seen moros once so far but the gender w/ them too....... man. idek if dating is a mechanic in this one but.#i want moros so bad i am down bad af#me after seeing the end of the game over a year from now looking back at this post: wow. what they didn't know would haunt them.#truly cannot tell if moros is going to be secretly bad or not. i hope not. but also. i hope they are. i love a good rivals fight.#anyways. yeah. i got hades ii. because i knew i would the instant it dropped. rip. i really did not need to be buying games rn#but hades ii.... omg...#ill probably be posting about it so pls block the hades ii tag if you don't wanna see anything#hades ii#hades 2#(ill tag it both ways just in case)
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i wonder if you have any thoughts about how marcille always seems to dislike it when falin wears men's clothing ( i bet she wears it out of its comfiness rather than because she prefers masc style tho, although i hope both lolol) and super short hairstyle
I wonder if it's just her interest in cute feminine fashion in general or maybe there's something more
For the clothes, at least, it's like... Marcille is probably more horrified by the clothing being actually made for and marketed to men than anything else. I bet she'd be fine if Falin wore the exact same things but they were in the women's section, or at least, branded unisex. She would be so so silly about arbitrary stuff like that in a modern setting.
The hair I think is a tangled issue of Falin's resemblance to Laios getting a little too obvious for Marcille's mental health, and Marcille's own very intense relationship with how (female) mages should treat their hair. Also, since it's mostly a joke doodle, I kind of took it as a flanderized Bad Taste Marcille being horrified by a woman with short hair because she buys into gender norms. Some people are... weird about what women do with their hair and unfortunately I can fully see how Marcille can be weird like that in a vacuum joke setting.
(there's also something to be said about how this kind of femininity policing could also be used as plausibly deniable homoerotic subtext. like, girl, why do you care that much about how cute another girl looks? hm?)
#farcille#dungeon meshi#marcille donato#falin touden#asks#i could really dig into why marcille is likely to buy into gender norms so hard but that's like#it's own longish post so#gist of it i think is that within every stifling ideology there is an autistic person who really and truly believes in it#and latches on with a passion without realizing how it harms other people who don't fit into it as neatly#conventional femininity has always been a positive and encouraging thing for marcille#so i think she doesn't actually understand that it's compulsory in a bad way for other people#and subsequently can be very pushy about it but like. completely sincerely and without bad intentions#which unfortunately doesn't make her comments less obnoxious#but! people grow and change and i think she does get a lot more mature by the end of the actual canon#marcilleposting
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My bitter tears flowing out, they never dry up
I let the words of a curse be my deliverance
another tot musica inspired erin piece - this time, an actual redraw! top ten songs to get possessed by dark forces to
[@comicaurora]
#comic aurora#aurora comic#aurora webcomic#aurora fanart#tot musica#erin ruunaser#i'm really normal about this song. truly#<- has not stopped thinking about any of the music from film red (HASNT SEEN THE MOVIE OR ACTUAL ANIME EITHER)#digital art#e.png#yeah. girls (gender neutral) when the demons
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some very very quick costume shorthands!
#&juliet#had the absolute luck of watching this live the other night and it was. truly amazing!!! aaah#rough character designs for the younger leads (excluding like the Grown adult duos..) because?? idk#this is how it always starts. once the character designs start getting simplified like this that's when it all begins#which is hmmm timing but i really can't shut up about this musical it was so so fun. absolute vibes and energy#made me laugh and cry and was such an Experience. i adore them all but may specifically made me sob at some parts dfjkldfh#lots of thoughts! but one of the favs is how they wrote it so the existing songs and actions fit so well.#like in a rhyming bit they had frankie accept a drink and then the song was like ''drink in hand'' and i was all !!!!!!#also maybe it's local censorship? but there wasn't the kisses.. they replaced it w kissing hands and then holding hands#which is like a cute nod to the ''hand to hand holy palmers kiss' or smth but also maybe two guys doing that would not have made it past :/#oh my god i. the way rnj parallels the shakespeare duo... whdskjfhgh. may + not being a Girl kdjhgf. frankie and may. aaagh.#angelique being so so badass. i . the speech about Gender by anne and the Proposal by angelique both made the whole theatre cheer love that#also rotating stage lives in my mind rent free i ADORE the set holy moly.. also also the actors were so good. also the Projections.#also the music and costumes and special effects and aerial moments. and the ensemble. and the choreo#also the cast is so talented. and pretty. and the whole confidence part vs the vulnerability of some bits... whshjfgjkl. hhh#im just listing stuff now but it was so vibes. what an experience ever. it's also shot me directly into 14-years-old again so#spent the morning alone vibing to the soundtrack intensely... i just... sometimes things hold special places in your heart idk!!!#i don't know what to do with these designs though... like the show is such a lovely Spectacle but also idk where to branch out by myself no#there's so much to Absorb again and again. i get the feeling any true work from this i would do in a form of an animatic though.. oops#tldr? 1. &juliet very good just as itself 2. we have History 3. i got to see it live which always propels me into bonkers over musicals!#so so rough but i needed to get smth out and . whatever. an art blog is an art blog. back to hiatus now i think#<reminder to myself: this is essentially an artchive.. there's no quality control if you don't want it! have fun!! ily>
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reading the murderbot translation moodboard
#AHHHFHHDHHHSHH#TRULY EXPERIENCING EVERY EMOTION AT ONCE#it's so wild how something as seemingly simple as a change of language can affect a text so much#the subject of gender (and murderbot's lack thereof) - smth that comes up once or twice offhandedly in the whole series in English#in Polish becomes an intrinstic theme of the text instead#I'm conflicted about some of the choices the translator has made in regards to that#but for the most part it really is cathartic to read#also just. murderbot my best friend murderbot <3333 it's been so long since i last read these ajsbdbdj#.txt#books#murderbot
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sometimes i realize that if your first language has gendered pronouns they actually have a fundamental meaning to you, like it's a part of how you see the world, but then i forget again and continue being totally clueless
#language#pronouns#i saw a wild conversation about sexuality and gender and pronouns#it twisted my brain into temporarily understanding what it really is to think in a language like english#but i know this realization won't stay long because it never does#i forget and then i'm back on my pronoun anarchy#i guess i can't never truly understand#uh edit#fucking typos
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So, I mentioned yesterday that there was a piece I saw where Stelle was wearing a rather fancy dress, and though I personally adore it because she looks so pretty, Stelle herself was hit with a very strong wave of dysmorphia. (Super brief mention of 1.5 events present! Not tagging spoilers due to it being about two weeks since the update dropped, but I'm giving a heads up regardless.)
Stelle has always, I think, been someone who prefers more neutral clothing, and though she has absolutely no problem with being referred to with feminine pronouns at all, she herself does not like the idea of presenting as particularly feminine. In fact -- and this scares her -- she sometimes does not want to be perceived a physical entity at all. While I do stand by my take and new understanding that Stelle is on the nonbinary spectrum (her disgust was both dysmorphia and dysphoria!), this does go a little deeper: Stelle is very very conscious of the Stellaron housed within her body.
Feeling the weight and warmth of the Stellaron inside, knowing she's artificial, frankly makes her want to tear herself out of her own skin sometimes. In the wake of her possession by Cirrus, I think this feeling only worsened with her horror and disgust at being robbed of her autonomy. That line of thinking became something along the lines of I am (in) a vessel, and this vessel has been tainted. It's very, very awful. And, on her worst days, when the paranoia starts to kick in, frankly? She's not sure if she is Stelle or if she is the Stellaron. Is her dysphoria a factor caused by the Stellaron desiring freedom or having its own thoughts? She doesn't know. There's no way for her to verify the person she used to be before, after all. She has no memories from before the space station. She doesn't trust Kafka.
But she knows the Stellaron speaks. She heard the voice of Cocolia's Stellaron. She knows the one within her pulls towards the desires and wishes of the worlds she's in, too. She's felt it. The existence of the Stellaron within her is why she walks on the Path of Destruction in the first place, its response to the desire of the people of Belobog to survive is why Qlipoth granted her the powers of Preservation. She knows it's why she can adapt to the Paths so fluidly.
She heard its call on the Luofu, too, heard it all throughout the battle with Phantylia.
On her best days, she just doesn't like being seen as very effeminate, because that isn't her. But on those particularly bad days, when she starts to lose sense of where the Stellaron ends and where Stelle begins, she'd really... rather not be perceived at all. Having eyes on her just makes her all the more conscious of the cancer she's housing, stable or not. This ties into her regular discomfort with being spectated by crowds, why she insists she's plain, why she dislikes dressing up.
That being said, no one aside from her twin Caelus (@celestial-narwhal) or Dan Heng would be aware of this extreme discomfort. It's something she keeps extremely close to her chest, and with her resting neutral, straight-faced expression one would find it near impossible to tell what sort of day she's having inside.
#//about; (VESSEL OF DESTRUCTION)#body dysmorphia tw#derealization tw#ask to tag#just in case#i think stelle really truly and deeply understands dan heng's discomfort with himself and his il form#she feels the same way with the stellaron#and to briefly sum up stelle's gender identity she's definitely nonbinary but she's comfortable with most feminine pronouns/descriptors#she just doesn't want to be perceived as very effeminate or present in a traditionally very effeminate way#frankly stelle feels more comfortable in caelus' clothes than her own on her bad days#give her a suit please oh my god no dresses#she'll take a jumpsuit just not a dress#she and caelus also have v similar builds and heights so they can comfortably swap clothes for the most part#which she is very very grateful for bc she misses her sibby all the time
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Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman
part one | part two
#toronto maple leafs#HELLO EVERYBODY THIS HAS BEEN MONTHS!!! MONTHS IN THE MAKING BECAUSE i AM UNHINGED AND NEEDED THE PRECISE PICTURES THAT I KNEW I WOULD GET#like. seventy five percent of this has been done since the first time i posted this and while it has gotten better with time because#my narratives simply got more complex and there's so much of this that is For Me but don't worry i will explain but aLSO goddamn mitch coul#you have gotten married any later in the year. also willy you truly disappointed me by not getting an absurd haircut this year (now that#i've said this he's going to debut it on instagram like. tomorrow. but anyway that meant y'all got to enjoy my neuroses of#Loving Tyler Bertuzzi who is a goddamn leaf. the joys of having to wait to post this (was not a leaf at the time i started it) and anyway i#have at length i think had the breakdown about tyler in pigtails girl dad & how i got a bob & then tyler copied me which was rude. that's m#gender. ANYWAY starting from the top we got sheldon keefe documentation which was really just the personal decision that i wanted all the#coaching staff to be the markers in the poem/the bold & also at the TIME keefe hadn't re-signed &we thought it might be everybody out w/kyl#anyway the title of the scrap of an old lover's flannel is literally 'u think this is about sheldon & kyle NO it's about timothy liljegren'#bc. liljegren was on the marlies winning cup team & has had a contentious relationship w/keefe ever since & was healthy scratched in playof#& the narrative is sooooo. also at one point for the ryan o'reilly i was going to edit the stlb out of his grandma's shirt or cover it w/th#childhood dreams line but THEN i found the gio snapped stick one which was too perfect for 'crumbling copy' the ryan o'reilly To Me is so.#ur insane in ways u did not think for that one. like. how soft her hands were. his grandma you guys. he grew up a leafs fan. if he ever get#to lift the cup with her again i will lose my shit. the cup run a movie i remember nothing--OKAY the spezz one i knew i needed him stresse#but also i believe in the spezz/kyle narrative so. it comes up later don't worry ALSO SPEZZ FOLLOWING HIM TO PITT CAME AFTER I MADE THIS bu#the muzz tea one makes me a little sensy bc muzz was out with an injury for most of this season & it was a really scary spinal one & so yea#& then the simmer one just straight up makes me cry bc i love him so much & the work that he does for anti-racism in hockey means so much &#if you have that video open & watch it i promise you will cry i do every time it's so beautiful he had to be on comforted by beauty & sammy#boy is on the a man who doesn't know me because EYE remember the caps goalie tandems. baby lilya. the mo one is a little funny bc it is#solely due to wade's thread about mo rielly the coal miner homestead husband. that's why he moves to omaha also i think it suits him (quiet#OK NOW OLD MEN IN LOVE NARRATIVE this one's in contention for my fave bc it's spezz coping w/retirement fundamental meaningless of existenc#u heard abt tyler already that's for me the minchy picture was just too good i had found it earlier & i spent SO LONG looking for an empty#leafs rink picture for bathtub i have some cool construction photos but i wanted the melting ice ones (thought about tahoe lol) & the sprin#one i manip'd a lot bc i needed a spring picture bc playoffs clinch in spring & that one fit so coincidentally perfect bc it's 7 straight#seasons 7 guys so. :) & i KNEW i swore to god they did more milk advertising i knew i was gonna do this one from the minute i saw the poem#the milk patch & it took a hot minute BUT I FOUND THIS ONE this one's for funsies. AND THE PIC I WAITED SO FUCKING LONG FOR this is actuall#from kerf's wedding but i was like i know on god mitch is getting married this summer & that's about to be the drunkest shenanigans wedding#i'm waiting for the pics. & then i was BLESSED with this one which is beautiful & perfect & LOOK AT THEM. anyway the last one is bc
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I have some next level Wuju Bakery brainrot.
#scully you're not going to believe this#jeff satur#jeff 'gender' satur#barcode tinnasit#wuju bakery#the x files#my alien enthusiast ass is through the roof about this#could not have asked for a better au combo really#coffee shop/sci-fi/gay romance#truly a gift#2023 is gonna be a great year guys
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venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)
#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me#like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes#and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her.#but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style#like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting#like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core)#but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to#which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own#it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke.#like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch#but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to???#everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those)#i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way#what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian#like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me#i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women''#which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively#people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation#but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc#(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either#bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme#idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love)#i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance#even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do#that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes#like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it??#even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses??#that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger???#and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16#because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem
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Wretched healthy treatment and realising self care occasionally means doing stuff you really dislike and letting go of comforts in the pursuit of better things
But really, spaghetti bolognese is always a healthy coping strategy
#urchin art#ocd#t-ocd#gender ocd#mildly shitposty but it's true#us OCD girlies need to take responsibility for our compulsions#and yeah- I noticed when the thoughts get really bad- I make OCD posts because it stops the rumination#I do truly want to help others dealing with OCD#but babes- I'M THE BITCH with OCD#and I'm in charge of dealing with that#may need to make a few less OCD posts for a bit#just until me making them is from a place of care and NOT a place of fear#OCD doesn't decide when I talk about it#I decide#now- spaghetti time :)
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some highlights from 3 October's entry:
Top left: "With his left hand he held both Mrs. Harker's hands, keeping them away with her arms at full tension; his right hand gripped her by the back of the neck, forcing her face down on his bosom. Her white nightdress was smeared with blood, and a thin stream trickled down the man's bare breast which was shown by his torn-open dress."
Top right: "Her face was ghastly, with a pallor which was accentuated by the blood which smeared her lips and cheeks and chin; from her throat trickled a thin stream of blood; her eyes were mad with terror. Then she put before her face her poor crushed hands... and from behind them came a low desolate wail".
Bottom left: "She shuddered and was silent, holding down her head on her husband's breast. When she raised it, his white night-robe was stained with blood where her lips had touched, and where the thin open wound in her neck had sent forth drops."
and
"Harker was still and quiet; but over his face, as the awful narrative went on, came a grey look which deepened and deepened in the morning light, till when the first red streak of the coming dawn shot up, the flesh stood darkly out against the whitening hair."
Bottom right: ""Hush! there is someone in the corridor!" I got up softly, and crossing the room, gently opened the door.
Just outside, stretched on a mattress, lay Mr. Morris, wide awake."
#my art#dracula#dracula daily#just a few doodles to get this entry out of my system because holy hell what an entry#cw blood#mina harker#mina murray#jonathan harker#quincey morris#to have all this chaos in dracula happen on my birthday makes this entry extra banger to me hahaha#cw assault#one of these is not like the others lolol#man the aftermath of this is like. chilling. like truly the low point but also the turning point? from here the count is on the run#and jon definitelt wont stop till he gets vengence lol#but i cant help but think of the seeking vengence thing in comparison with shakespeare the rape of lucrece where lucrece is telling the men#who want to avenge her by killing tarquin#that their actions are essentially useless and it wouldnt really help her#theres deeper meaning but its the about gist of it. i cant help but compare that to minas plea to jon to stay when he wanted to go and#immediately hunt down the count too like ik we readers are baying for the counts blood at this point#but its interesting to think of how this idea of vengence and honour intersects with gender stuff in the novel. esp given victorian ideals
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hey sisters, i know u (my fans) were wondering what i’m gonna wear to my ex stepdad’s wedding because i’m best man and there’s gonna be 200 ppl there who haven’t seen me since i was single digits so it’s a rly big event BUT i’ve got no clue what the fit will be because the dress code he gave me: wear whatever you want. GDNKE.???ATFJJF...!!! ARE YOU OH-FUCKING-KAY???? WHATZVER I WANT ??????THEY WONT EVEN GIVE ME A COLOUR SCHEME WHAT THE FLCUKC ALso no i can’t wear a wedding dress it was the first thing i thought of but i asked my mom and she said that would b mean :/
#his estranged brother’s gonna be part of the wedding party so i’m ?! not sure how this will go.#they’re estranged because his brother has some sort of religious belief that lead to him hating me/my mom for having a kid with another guy#stepdad met me when i was nearly 3 and his brother met me+my mom 4 years after that#the brother’s thing was that my mom/me are devilish or whatever#he also said shit about us stealinh my stepdad’s money but my mom was the breadwinner#tbh i don’t really understand this stance but it’s very common. he just Doesn’t Like Me. we’re not#biologically related and that’s literally the only reason#he thinks it’s disrespectful for a woman to divorce her husband first of all but second to let another man raise her kid#yawn. gross asf. BJT LIKE HOW DO THEY FEEL ABOUT ME BEING LIKE THIS?!#everyone knew i had a Condition ™️ but i didn’t uh#do anything? lol#i was seen and treated as A Little Weird. not like a third gender#we could all tell i was going with the sex and pronouns assigned to me simply because that’s what i had#so i THINK i’m gonna be valid but rly truly if someone tries to explain why there are only two genders to me i’m going toLOSE ITTTTTT#ooh i can wear a wedding dress to the rehearsal dinner lol#my stepmom got me a neon green suit jacket .? so#maybe that’ll come out#toxictranny
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today i had this Vivid memory flash through my mind of kissing my ex boyfriend (this was like 2018) and i felt so viscerally fucking revolted and I gotta say. it is truly impressive that I didn’t realise I’m a lesbian sooner than fucking half a year ago
#z talks#like the misidentifying as ace was Inevitable i think. that was due to repression that realising i didnt like men would not have fixed#(context: id’d as bi ace like. i wanna say 2016/17-2021/22 sometime and then went into ace and Questioning)#remember the time i really solidly settled on being aro because ‘romance has never not felt like a chore and putting on a facade’#babe no thats because your most recent and also singular long term relationship was with a Man#and thats the only one youre looking back on#its so funny how i dated a guy and it was so thoroughly Meh that i just didnt feel like pursuing anything romantic for a very long time#(A REACTION I HAD NOT HAD AFTER MY PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS WITH GIRLS)#And DIDN’T somehow consider that maybe I just Didn’t Like Guys#its nothing i grieve or feel sad about dw its honestly mostly funny to look back on#no wrongs were committed and i dont hold a grudge against the guy it was just me being confused and compheted#(…which is also a weird word to apply because at the time i identified and was out to my friends as a trans guy Binary.#This Was Also Wrong.)#was a weird time man. a truly weird time#anyway. all is well i have now been on 2 dates with a really cute girl and she gave me tulips <3#as part of a Care Delivery bc i had a Migraine and No Painkillers Or Snacks#get well flowers <333333#and now i dream of kissing her under the moonlight#With the uh. Hornetposting lately it May seem unlikely but yes I DO interact with real women! Romantically!#They coexist Wonderfully <3#Anyway. I’m gonna go to bed#Realising that im a lesbian solved all my identity problems including my fucking gender which is just fantastic#I am very happy and whenever I think of being a lesbian it grounds me to reality a little bit stronger and i go yeah. Yeah.
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My batfam gender sexuality hcs 🥰🥰🥰🥰:
Bruce: cishet he/him
Dick: cishet he/him
Jason: cishet he/him
Tim: cishet he/him
Steph: butch lesbian to ME! She/her but she’s trying out she/they and doesn’t know how to feel. Might fuck with neos but she’s not ready to take that step yet.
Cass: think early on in accepting that she’s a human being she’d psychoanalyze the fuck outta herself to see where she fits in and be super super super pressed about the entire thing to a detrimental point but as she progresses she’ll be fine. Lesbian, and she’s pretty sure she’s a girl most of the time sure 😄.
Duke: I think he knew he was not straight since he was young (moonlight opened his eyes and broke his heart) but he never really questioned his sexuality at all. The problem is that he doesn’t question it because the idea of gender roles (girls do this. Boys do that.) is so engrained in his mind that it’s not even something he thinks can be changed, if that makes sense? Anyways I don’t think he’s the type to get dysphoria he moreso experiences euphoria when exploring his gender identity. I think he would realize he has different views on his own gender when he sees other people expressing their own differently. Like genuinely he goes to school and sees another boy wearing lipstick and his brain blows up. As of this very moment he’s “exploring” but he’s actually a lil scared to genuinely confront himself about this and uses “there’s bigger problems in the world” to get out of it. End goal is non-binary but for now he’s at the veeeeeeery tail end of questioning.
Damian: I think at the moment Damian’s just not thinking about any of that but it’s in the opposite of duke; he knows he’s probably some kind of queer, both in sexuality and gender, but it’s just. Not top priority for him at the moment. I wanna bring up clothes rq bc, extra hc time, in MY mind Damian does express himself a lot through his clothing and getting to the manor made him a bit shy when it came to skirts and dresses. Seeing the way boys, and especially black and brown boys, who explore their femininity are treated, he just doesn’t mention it at all and the scenario never comes up. He gets more comfortable as time goes on though and later on gets bold enough to wear a dress to an event. He’s stonefaced but slightly regretting it till some younger kid sees him and is awe stricken, like stars in his eyes and asking if he can do that too. Damian feels better about it and resolves to wear whatever he wants more often. I don’t think he ever comes out in big big way (he’d tell the people closest to him but everyone else can just figure it out) but he genuinely doesn’t feel the need to label himself at all.
#the way y’all do Duke and Damián in these hc posts….#Steph I wanted more for you truly but sorry ur unfortunately white#u get more than the boys but today ain’t about you 💔#I WILL say buzzcut steph true#and she’s black in MY mind so in MY mind stud steph true#Cass I have a lot of thoughts about#like for me early on in her lil suicidal era I think she’d find the whole labelling thing complicated and stupid#but surface level deep inside she likes that idea of community but she doesn’t think she deserves it and it burns her#post trying to kill herself with Bruce’s full support#she throws herself into the idea of this community but she kinda like. wants a good grade in being queer as opposed to truly exploring-#-herself. comes to head when she just breaks like crying screaming throwing up and Steph is like ‘why do you even wanna do ts anyways’#and cass doesn’t have an answer#she starts looking inwards and kinda. sets it up as a yes/no question tree for herself and lands with knowing she’s a lesbian but nothing#really concrete about her gender and she’s actually ok with that#imo she ends up with mirror pronouns#as in whatever you call yourself you can call her#I want it to be that earlier she was suffocating herself for others approval but now she’s allowing for vulnerability in a way that serves#her and her alone. this is in the tags and not the post bc y’all are actually pretty ok when it comes to cass in them hcs.#and I wanted the main focus to be on the black and brown boys since y’all always do them dirty 🙃#and just to be mean#Bruce wayne#tim Drake#dick Grayson#Jason Todd#Duke Thomas#damian wayne#cassandra cain#Stephanie brown#btw bringing back my Joey soft adopting damian agenda: damian absolutely made sure Damian knew he could do whatever he wants. Damian’s not-#-used to feeling hesitant about this kinda thing but he’s double embarrassed and joey says he’ll wear the damn thing with him. he does
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