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mrpenguinpants · 3 years

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Oh! Sorry for the late reply, but it’s not canon lore, haha. Part of me hopes it kinda was just to give Keqing a bit more introspection but alas, Mihoyo has tens of different characters to make so it’s understandable. I thought of it as a modern au type of thing where Keqing ends up moving in a apartment complex only to be greeted with men she has to babysit as the price JHDJSHDJSJ– It’s a fun little idea, and at first, she hates them all but eventually, walking outside of her place for a free meal becomes an escape of sorts. Ningguang, her dreaded co-worker, makes sure she doesn’t hear the end of it and is like “Please, you’re almost 27 nowz. Get yourself a man already, you have quite the options.”

Also, congrats on getting Xiao! I haven’t gotten him yet but at the end of his banner, I think I can make around 20 rolls so here’s hoping he’ll come with those!

No worries at all, I take FOREVER to reply to anyone. Plus this week was midterms so I’m still recovering from that if you’re wondering why I’ve been so silent. Ahh I see, I still need to read Keqing’s lore but until then 👀 I am fully invested in this. We’ll make a 180k word slow burn fic together. Honestly, I really want to write some Chongyun, Xingqiu, Xinyan, and Xiao interactions. My brainworm mind wants Xingqiu to be the biggest little shit and tells Chongyun that there’s a demon that needs to be exorcised at Wangshu inn. Turns out it’s Xiao but Chongyun being the trusting friend that he is, doesn’t believe Xingqiu would lie to me and fully believes Xiao is a demon. Xiao doesn’t know how to socialize and he doesn’t know how to handle interactions so it’s this entire goose chase. Xinyan comes along because she’s always wanted to see a demon. I can imagine her yelling “DEMON! COME OUT YOU COWARD!” while Xiao is gripping onto the roof beam above them for dear life so he doesn’t get found out.

Ahh, I get that mihoyo wants to bust out new content but it also makes me sad that it will probably be awhile before we get Part 2 to anything. But oh well, I guess we can always make stuff up for part 2′s before Mihoyo proceeds to shred them apart haha. I love modern au, where everything is fine and happy and no one dies. Especially now since we’re all in self-isolation. It’s not much but being able to write is actually kinda therapeutic. Speaking of which, it’s valentines day today. I almost forgot because well, I’m asexual so no relationships for me, so I kinda forgot feb 14 had any importance haha. But hopefully you all that have partners stay safe if you plan on spending today together and for us single folk, hang out with friends^^ I’m having a movie/game night with everyone and I’m pretty excited.

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But getting back on track. I love roommate schneegans. When I first read this with my sleep deprived brain, I thought you meant that she had to live with the same people she had to babysit when they were children. That’d be so awkward but funny haha. I can imagine Childe being such a wholesome kid like Teucer that when Keqing meets him again when he’s an adult she’s so sad. You were such a cute kid, where did things go wrong? This also applies to Diluc (RIP DILUC MAN) and Kaeya.

Diluc is so socially constipated that he acts rude af because he doesn’t know how to socialize. Reminds me of the type of guy that is thinking of cute puppies but as the scariest resting bitch face. The amount of emotional range he has makes Keqing wonder if he’s secretly planning on burning the apartment complex down to the ground or if he’s slept in the past week. He hasn’t. Man is crumbling so he’s gonna make the world crumble down with him in his woe is me bullshit (jk I love you Diluc). Keqing makes the customary “Hi, nice to meet you. I’m your new neighbor” but Diluc is actually running on fumes (he’s filter feeding at his point) that he looks so scary that Keqing almost runs away. Then the next day she sees him exit his home and he cleaned up so well that Keqing doesn’t recognize him. Assumed that Diluc lived with a brother that was in dire help. So she always offers him weird pick me up items and Diluc doesn’t know how to handle gifts so he just accepts them. He doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about since he lives alone but he assumes she’s some random cat lady.

Kaeya is such an ass. Like actually awful. Was the kind of guy to pull the fire alarm just to get out of class for the day. Probably does it in the apartment just to mess with Diluc, which inheritably messes with Keqing very fragile beauty sleep, but he always manages to escape with a slap on the wrist. Keqing has lost so much faith in the justice system after that. He seemed like such a nice guy, well in comparison to her first meetings with Diluc, until he found out she had a fear of frogs and proceeded to mail her a package of them. She’s been haunted by nightmares of waking up to one on her face and she’s wondering if she can get away with setting his home on fire and getting away the same way he does from pulling the fire alarm. It seems like poetic irony but as soon as she thinks this Kaeya is messaging her “don’t do it”. She doesn’t know how he got her phone number and she’s not going to find out.

Zhongli was the guy she went to highschool with where she had the fattest crush on. He still looks the exact same just taller and she can feel her inner agony seeping up when she spots him. Then proceeds to internally wail when they both enter the elevator and they live on the same floor. She’s internally begging and pleading that Zhongli doesn’t recognize her, but of fucking course he does and he remembers every little detail. The most deadpan face as he asks her if she still has the zhongli pin that some crazy club made for the student council they were both apart of. What pisses her off the most is that he’s actually genuinely curious and isn’t trying to make a stab at her. She hates him with every fiber of her being.

Childe seemed like such a cute kid (I fully believe he’s younger than Keqing, you cannot take this away from my cold dead heads) and he mentioned how he was moving away from his family but he misses his cute little sisters and brothers. Keqing felt so much wholesome love in her body until Childe mistaken her as being younger than him and messed up her hair. She almost screamed bloody murder but made the quick correction that she was in fact, much older than him. Which was the wrong fucking move because he became the biggest little shit. Kept calling her old with weak bones, “when are you going to fossilize?” that she’s sure if there wasn’t a law against second degree murder, she would do it right then and there.

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I totally went off on a tangent right there haha. But yeah, I can imagine them all going to each other places for free meals and it’s actually some wholesome stuff. Kaeya and Diluc relive their childhood brother antics, Childe comes from a big family so he doesn’t get sad when he eats alone, Keqing gets to take a break and turn her brain off from work, and Zhongli is just happy to spend time with others after being in self-isolation and losing his wife (Jesus, reading this back I am so sorry Guizhong and Zhongli. This got so depressing holy shit).

“Please, you’re almost 27 nowz. Get yourself a man already, you have quite the options.” LOL I LOVE THAT SENTENCE HAHA. But ty^^ I’m so glad he came home with diluc. I BELIEVE IN YOU!! YOU’RE GONNA GET HIM. BRING YOUR MAN HOME!! I kinda wanna write some roommate hcs in my brainworm style. I’m going to go write that. Hang on. I’ll be back.

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Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Love from me 💕💕💕

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sassaetcie · 3 years

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Silver x Idia (The Molten Charcoal) chapter 6

I genuinely do not know how to schedule what’s going on in my brain, especially since that fic has been over for a while

-I'm sorry, I don't really understand what you said. Though... I know I don't find it awful to hear.

This was one of the numerous neutral ends to be expected for sure. He was too nice to tear my heart apart, and yet not in love. I was probably... lucky in a sense. How could this prince made of alabaster, no, dragging himself, no... climbing a mount of alabaster he had forged by himself... How could he even look at me without being shaken by disgust? I should have swooned for even being looked at and not mocked... No! No... I don't deserve something bad because of them... As long as I... I'm sorry Ortho... Why am I the one living? Why aren't you the one who has lived on... You always have been so lively and outgoing... I'm just... I've always have been like this but... your death made me understood that I wasn't just introvert as fuck... I just hurt everyone no matter what I do...

-That being said... I don't really understand feelings, especially stronger ones like the one you seemed to describe. You really made a line on each of my feature, didn't you? That's praise-worthy. I would like to understand them... with you by my side. We are both lost, this should be easier if one of us suddenly understand. Of course, this only works if you agree with my proposition... I hope I am not being harsh. I don't intend on hurting you.

-H-huh? Does t-t-t-t-t-hat mean you... w-w-want us to meet again? Later? Again?

-Yes, I want us to meet again. I hope I will not fall asleep before, though.

-Oo-o-oh, speaking of this... We may l-look for an... antidote? For your... huh... sleeping troubles... O-only if you want me to h-h-h-help, of course! I would understand if you feel like I'm pitiying you, but I s-s-swear I'm not, I really just want to help even if it's probably some means to only satisfy myself, I'm...

-...It is true that I never truly saw you help other people. That makes me even more curious. Hmm, I will just need some time when Old... Lilia Vanrouge and Sebek are available to watch over Mal... Draconia. I cannot let my guard down, after all. I know nothing happened yet but... It could, probably.

-O-o-o-okay, p-please tell me whenever you a-are ready to s-s-s-s-see me again, t-t-t-hen... You can tell Ortho for sure... I think?

I made sure one ending was pushed away by another strategy. Of course, I shoud stop thinking of this as a endings-crossroad but... My... love for Silver is different, without a doubt. Not especially better, or worse. It's just... not something I can explain with... love. Do I deserve to call this... love, anyway? I could just lack affection to this point or want to make a reality ouf ot fiction. But I need to dream too. If I don't, I'll be... like them, once again. Yet... if I... need to dream and don't dream on my own, I am lying too. But was this "love" invented by adults or non-adults, anyway?

-I see. Thanks for this... date. It was interesting, and I am... glad, I think. That you talked to me with such expressiveness. I wish I could thank my Old Man the way you told me all of these things.

-H-hm... I will n-n-n-n-n-need to first update Ortho's memory... But... we can... maybe? Meet again... Like... huh...

-Well, not during my timetable for sure. I cannot afford to ashame the family, all this stuff... even if I think I really should not. My Old Man is a kind man and I don't want to betray him.

-O-oo-okay... wh-hen do you t-t-think you'll be free... then?

He could have run away using this option. He was the one handling them between these perfect phalanx born from the sea. ...He wasn't the only one, of course. Luck... Luck? Did luck exist to this point... Azul certainly did beat up luck itself. I guess luck is some kind of laziness from myself, lol... Probably only for and from myself... Luck would be reflected differently in this water I see only blue and grey, I guess.

-Hmm... I'll tell you when I am sure my timetable will not change.

Or did he take another ending? Telling one lie to say the truth right after, or the other way round... He could tell two lies, or tell the truth forever. But... doubting him was already a stupid thing to do, actually. I mean, why should I have doubt him? If he didn't like me.. Fine by me... That was what I expected in most cases anyway. But if he didn't tell me he actually couldn't stand me? Then, it was... probably alright. I didn't need to doubt him that much, did I? Or that would mean betraying myself again. Yeah... boring af.

-O-okay! I... huh... hope you'll have a good day...

I can't remember if I really wished from all of my body, from top to toe... Or if it was some formal greeting I tried on him. I guess I wanted him to be happy nonetheless yet did I feel it this way? I can't remember. No feeling has shaken me neither my heart nor my brain. So, was it a kind lie of some kind, or some strange truth? I cannot recall. Or is there anything to be recalled, anyway? Perhaps I cannot reminisce because it never happened in the first place. His icy hair floated outside the shadow, and didn't melt, yeah. His hands of soft mid-water went away with him. His eyes of ocean, he brought them away as well. Or perhaps was he a sailor of some other world in the end? Surely most people were fusing along this ocean and stars, but he wasn't. So was I... somewhere else but some kind of... sailor as well? This sea of feelings was one my eyes I couldn't set on. Or was he... Sure, I wanted to ride over this space of water. See my reflection... my reflection. Maybe seeing this hair... wet. All of these flames, engulfed in some bubbles I couldn't touch... yet? I remembered trying to gather my limbs when Silver was nowhere to be seen. I guess I didn't collapse because no one was there as well... Or at least, my eyes didn't catch anyone as I was getting away from the tree restored to its original role. Apple trees only. No apple was on the ground, or yet at least. None of the red shining was separated from the green shining. They were together... Happy together, right? Somehow. Well, more like because apples were not ripe yet but. As soon at this apple was on its own, it would... live a few days. And rot away. They were... happy together. Unhappy separated. Would I...? Since I was unhappy of... this hair which never had been mine... Could I be... blessed with happiness, visited by happiness, granted happiness, if I were to cut off this blazing "blood"? I... just slept again, once I was back in the heat.

[Started Recording at : 1PM : Eighth ? Day]

-Big Bro! Big Bro! Please open the door, I have some really good news!

-Huuuh? What the... O-o-o-o—ortHO? Did something bad happen but you try to see it as good?!

-No, no, I really mean it! It's a... good piece of news!

-T-Then you can say... it t-t-through the door, right? I'm in the middle of something and I

-You're not! You usually let me open the door even if you're in the middle of a game, don't you? :(

-Ehhh?!

-I'm going in!

The door was not invaded by Hell, no matter what Hell was. No stains invaded the black and white limbs made of illusory obsidian. A superficial obsidian, yet made out of idealism. Five fingers touched the door, even if it could very likely open up by a presence. Nothing burned the prosthesis. Blue and purple lights crossed each other between figures and mangas piled up, whether by chronological order, graphic preferences and reflections, randomness or significance. Yet only these two lights, as full of shades as they are, shared no more shades. A ridiculous prairie-green, a small yellow-sun, a azure-sky, lights... were not used, yet, probably. The heatwave's spirit was sitting on a bed, chained up by his unfortunate owner. The Ignihyde bed was being sat on. The blanket was barely away between the ten asynchronous fingers.

-Were you sleeping, Big Bro?!

-... Y-yeah... I tried to... I was kind... of... exhausted... and my head felt dizzy as fuck so I-I just...

-So that makes two good news today!!!

-I... guess s-s-so... S-s-s-so what... why did... you come here?

The little brother closed the door anyway.

-Silver told me that he was free on tomorrow!

-Huh? W-w-w-w-wait, he's already free?! I-i-I don't mean t-t-t-t-t-t-hat I don't want to see h-h—him and all! Just that... I thought he would... have been longer?

-He told me he was very curious to see you again so he tried to be free as soon as possible! He also told me he was... ahem! "Sorry if I fail to understand your feelings by being too fast when it comes to see you again".

His fingers for sure made the blanket fly some centimeters, then go back to wrapping them. Two phalanx hid before going out again, then replaced by some others. Perhaps would it end when all hands were to be outside or inside. The friction definitely did not throng through his headphone, at least the thing he could handle for sure. Wasn't he choosing which sounds were going back and forth right now? Whether he was confused, happy or sad was hard to see. Or maybe both, actually? One hand disappeared while the other aired him. His hand ventilated him, then. A tight smile pierced the frozen yet burning blue lips, covering a range of shark teeth that didn't fit all of this. He... grabbed one of his other hand.

-Are you alright... big bro? You didn't answer and now you're acting... weird, if I may say so.

-I'm... Uuuuh...! I feel stupid but... This is my hand! And this one too! They're... mine!

-Well... this is your body, so yes.

-I mean... I know! But... m-m-my hands... My mouth feels weird, but not my hands...

-And yet you're smiling, Big Bro? O-o

-I AM?!

Idia raised his arms toward the smile going out of range. Why was it acting on its own, and not his hands? He spread himself in his own fingers, fiddling with the anomaly which was truly one, among the body getting rid of these things. He was made of these hundred anomalies before. So now... there were "these" ones left. But these were only "fixed". The others would probably keep on acting on their own... Or was it supposed to? Some water escaped through two symetrical curiosities, painted blue by some inheritance as well.

-Big Bro, should I tell you that you're crying as well? Are you sure everything's okay? I can tell Silver to postpone the date if necessary... :(

-N-n-n-no! I'm... I'm alright. This is just weird to explain. I'll try to explain to him first and then I'll tell you what the fuck happened... okay? I think. Is that okay? Am I being weird, right now?!

-...Okay so I'll tell him that you're available tomorrow on 6pm?

-Y-yes... t-thanks, Ortho. Where would be the date, though?

-Near the apple tree to "begin with", as he told me.

-"To begin with"?! I... I'm scared now... But I shouldn't, right, right? It's Silver we're talking about, he probably miscommunicated... Like I usually do... 6pm by the apple tree, the one where we met... He will be alone, right, right?

-...well, yes. Why should he be accompanied, big bro?

-I-i-i-I dunno! I just was worried about stuff and... I'm just huh... That's all? I asked everything I had to ask?

-I... guess so! So I'll be off, big bro! Please call me if something goes wrong!

-Y-yes... H-huh! Wait... Did you... have... had some troubles with your memory?

Shroud coerced his hands into forming one, to escape from anxiety or hide something else. The tears were already dried, but surely he would not mind crying again if needed. But maybe not now.

-I don't think so, Big Bro! Please don't worry about me for the moment, let's be sure you end up in a healthy relationship with Silver to ensure you two a beautiful ever-after!

-Are you s

The one who desired to acquire a different type of water, who did not see water as such, put away his feet walking on the ground, flying through the doors opening themselves in the magical technology they knew so well.

-...I guess Ortho didn't want to be updated today... He w-w-w-wouldn't be lying to me, right... right.

[Ended Recording at : 1h15 PM : Eighth? Day]

I didn't really know what to do. I mean, that's obvious I didn't, right... I have one day to gather myself and know what I should expect... But what should I even expect? Will we talk again, like nothing happened? No, right, right? He told me my... hair... comforted him... or did I get him wrong? He's also having troubles to communicate... So... What if he... made a mistake? He may have meant... that the warm flames comforted him, but that the blue hue made him uncomfortable... Or he didn't want to hurt me! He's as anxious as me, maybe...? Or at least he got troubles with expressing his feelings, like me for sure. But it can be in a different way... Maybe in a "normal" way? Perhaps...? He always stated what he wanted to tell me, tho. Or did he... really like it? Does he really like it? Is he fond of it? Does he love it? Does he think it's funny, like probably most of people? Or is he...?! Is he some kind of perverse who likes stuff people usually don't...! No, that wouldn't be some kind of perverse stuff. I mean... if being different is being perverse, I need to wash my fucking brain with bleach, lol. But then... what should I expect? We can't possibly sit again under the same tree and wait for an answer, can we? So... what should I do? No, what should I tell Ortho... Wait, should I tell Ortho first so that he can warn Silver about what I want to do?! Wouldn't I be impatient and selfish, though... I don't want to impose but he may also be waiting for me to suggest something for us to do... Or does he want to know more about myself, too?! Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm... Maybe I should go with something simple, but not too simple, too?! What if... I can't really bring one of my console, huuuh... He could think I just want to listen to him as a lo-fi playlist NONONONONONO?! So games are out of place... and I don't want to bring a board game... he could think the same, even if he plays along... Suff suff suff...! No. So... Maybe... drawing with him? No, no, no way. So many people think it's something we do on our own... and we don't talk much usually, nonononono... But I could also show it to him to prove him that it's a wrong way of thinking and... isn't that twisted? I'm sorry Ortho, I'm sorry... Ain't I going back to where I shouldn't?! SuffocationsuffocationsUFFOCATIONSUFFSUFFSUFFSUFFSUFFSUFF

no no no. That's alright. He may ask me something, or may chose something on his own. I just need to be sure it's something I want to do as well, right, right? No videogames, no games, no drawing... Just speaking won't solve the problem, especially if I don't know how to start a conversation and I can't watch tutorials on Youtube, I'll just sound so phony and all... I mean... the most obvious and... normal thing to do would be to invite him to a karaoke or a thing like this? He probably doesn't sing extremely well... so I shouldn't be too ashamed, right? Well, if he does, that would be dangerous because it could endanger my whole Prince Charming's balance stuff... But if he does? That would just be so cool... Yeah... I should go for a karaoke session... But where should I bring him? I can't possibly bring him to my room... right?

I played some games (mostly RPGs lol) to see if there could a good place for a date but... I don't really want it to turn out like an absolutely planned date? A beautiful woodland, a shore where seagulls are singing peacefully, a town above water and full of falling stars... That would really sound like I'm scheming something... So... maybe my room wouldn't be that weird, actually? As long as I don't lock the door it shouldn't sound weird... If Ortho is telling... No, he's obviously telling the truth. Nobody should try to go in as long as Ortho helps me... How long will he need to help me, though... I'm... already the reason why we were separated... and yet he keeps on helping me. Is it because I made him that way? My guilt will never be enough, I know that... I should at least... go with Silver. I'll be less of a burden for him. He'll be... able to walk on his two legs like he wanted to. So... my room would be the best choice. It won't be a fake fancy place... It won't be an expensive stuff I'll do to show off... It won't a place crowded with people where I will throw up or collapse or go insane or screech or become weird or... SuffSUFFSUFFSUFFSUFF No nononono. Let's not think about this one. I guess it would prove him how courageous and all I am but... I can't do this. My Eloquence skill is far too damaged when I'm among people. So... my room would definitely, absolutely be the best choice... And I should be able to play with the speakers so that he spends a good time... Yeah. We got the best wi-fi as well. I should be able to search for lost stuff if he needs me to... Let's... tell Ortho about this. For the last time, I will tell him something that only shows how selfish I am...

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland fanfiction #twst fanfiction #idia x silver

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stop-weighting-for-change · 4 years

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UPDATE 4

OK!!! So this update is a ~lil~ bit off my normal update schedule, but honestly better late than never :)

July 25th marked the official end of my first Chloe Ting challenge: her 4 week summer shred. I didn’t lose as many lbs as I figured I would throughout which kinda disappointed me at first bc i was eating clean enough and often times less calories than i probably shoulda been eating so it like didn’t make sense??? but then today i retook my measurements (which i initially took the day i started the challenge on june 27th) and OH MY GOD???? I LOST 11 INCHES TOTAL AROUND MY BODY????? I CANNOT BELIEVE IT??????? I was so so so so so so proud/happy and I’m amazed. It makes sense now why I didn’t lose ~as many~ lbs as i initially figured i would bc i musta gained a lil bit o’ muscle and im happy af bc muscle burns fat :)

I am planning to start a new 4 week summer shred a week this friday and im waiting a week to start the new shred for a few different reasons: 1) mentally, physically, emotionally, im tired and im EXTREMELY proud of myself so i recognize that my accomplishments deserve a lil time off! Ive earned it! 2) chloe literally recommends taking a week off inbetween challenges to get the various types of rest needed and shes the expert here not me so there ya go. and finally, (which is honestly my fav and most extra reason lmao), 3) both my siblings birthday is august 3 and my birthday is august 16. by starting the next 4 week (28 day) challenge on july 31 i am perfectly timing my active rest days on the 4th and 17th days of the challenge to fall on both their and my respective bdays. i realized that the other day when trying to decide when to start my next shred and if thats not just the happiest of accidents idk what is :’)

Im not gonna lie and say the last few months have been easy on my mental health. i graduated college this past december and since then i have felt this never ending spiral that im old and my best days are behind me and theres just an impending doom to get my life together/perfect. and this pandemic only made things abt a billion-ish times worse. i got furloughed so i didnt even have my bullshit part-time job to keep life somewhat “scheduled” for myself and that really sucked. i cut ties with a person who had been a constant and sense of comfort in april bc of my so-called-friends ignorance, selfishness and lack of communication and things had just not been the best. dont get me wrong, i am so privileged to have my family all together, have everyone be healthy and safe and comfortable enough (both financially and physically) to stay homes for months on end but i wont lie and say it hasnt taken somewhat of a mental toll. BUT ANYWAYS my point was that in spite of quarantine dragging me further down, i feel like this newfound lifestyle transformation journey has given me a reason to continue bettering myself and has made for a good reason to look in the mirror.

Enough sappiness i should probably end this overly dramatic and unnecessarily long update post bc honestly no one is reading this anyways lol. were all in this together (<3 troy bolton style <3) and if anyone should ever need my support, even if only virtually, i am here!

P.S. this may be an INSANE thought butttttttttt is it weird that i ~cannot wait~ for halloween. its still 3 months away but wow oh wow am i already siked for it to arrive :D

P.P.S. i found this killer marble cake recipe bc im gonna be making my own bday cake and i literally cant wait to try it i hope it turns out well... unlike some of my past cakes lmao........

#weightloss #weight loss #weightlossdiary #thinspo #gettingstronger #getting stronger #getting healthier #gettinghealthier #losingweight #losing weight #feeling positive

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kinetic-elaboration · 4 years

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July 16: Star Trek 1x06 Mudd’s Women

Mudd’s Women today. I don’t really think fondly of this ep when I’m not watching it, not because it’s not good, but because it’s less focused on the Enterprise, like the really important part of the story is about characters who only appear here, so it doesn’t stand out as much. Also Mudd is really annoying. Also almost every ep of S1 is a Classic so anything that isn’t, like 11/10 seems just “okay” by comparison.

So the Enterprise is just chasing a suspicious vessel because why not. Actually kind of speaks to that theory that esp. the pre-5 year mission purpose of the ship is to be like the Coast Guard, to patrol. I guess they still do that. Hey--that looks suspicious!

“No registration beams.” No license plate lol.

Kirk is so good-hearted. Doesn’t hesitate to put his own ship in potential danger to save some random people he doesn’t know, because of course, he can’t let this situation he exacerbated, as part of his job, become worse. Plus, like, curiosity I’m sure.

Uhura in gold today.

Always get a kick out of anyone on the bridge doing the job of anyone else on the bridge and Kirk just taking Spock’s station gives me Emotions.

Mudd like “I couldn’t be sure you were a friendly vessel, so I ran” like okay, the ship literally says “U.S.S. Enterprise” on it in big letters, it’s not ambiguous.

Early example of McCoy hating transporters.

Literally can’t believe this ship has batteries.

Honestly, they’re not that hot guys, keep it in your pants.

“How many did we get off?” / “Oh, two, maybe three depending on how Spock’s feeling rn.”

McCoy is such a slut omg.

The one in blue is literally just wearing a shirt.

“You’re part Vulcanian.” Honestly, Mudd seems to understand the whole concept of Vulcans better than McCoy does (”This type can turn himself off from any emotion.”).

“I apologize for what he said, Sir.” Oh, Evie, so empathetic. Spock’s not even upset. He’s having a grand time. Can’t wait to see what the Captain will think of the hot ladies! (Answer: he thinks they’re the crew.)

Honestly, I do think Spock was into them a little. It’s pretty ambiguous, Mudd’s comment aside, just how much of a kick he got out of them. He comes very close to smiling a lot, though.

“You’re a hard-nosed one, Captain.” Damn right.

Defense attorney Spock.

Man, I love Sulu.

I’m only noticing it on this rewatch but Spock has a lot of engineering knowledge, I feel? He’s the Science Officer but engineering is honestly the most specific skill set he exercises.

The way Kirk says, “Well, Mr. Spock?” is so flirty. They even give the dramatic, flirty lighting.

Honestly, I can’t believe the Enterprise canonically runs on crystals.

I love the computer. Nurse Chapel’s voice. The squiggly green line. Constantly irritating Mudd. Though also tbh very disturbing from a privacy point of view. I mean in a way it’s not, like, a lie detector, it’s not determining Mudd is lying by anything about him, it’s just comparing his words to public records, but still.

Convicted of driving without a license.

Computer: the male members of the crew are horny.

Kirk: strike the horniness from the record.

I really expected the computer to say “incorrect” when Mudd says, “Heaven’s honest truth.”

That look Kirk shares with Spock though. It’s not super obvious they’re looking at each other, but they are.

Spock with his hands on his hips. Underrated stance, should have had more of that in AOS.

Honestly, this plotline is yet another vehicle for the sort of story Beyond was allegedly interested in telling lol.

“Are you wearing something radioactive?”

This lady in green isn’t very smart but I love McCoy in this scene. His horniness fighting with his realization that uh this is weird?

“Don’t mind me, Captain, I was just lying on your bed for no reason.” “Uh, actually I do mind???”

Kirk is a paragon of virtue though!

I like Evie a lot. She’s the best part of this ep. Really going after Kirk in his vulnerable spot with that talk of loneliness. I do get the impression she legit liked him (as much as she could in uh 2 days) but I don’t think he had much of an interest in her, other than in the same way as everyone else reacting to the hotness drug. And even that he controlled pretty well.

Those original husbands are going to be pissed.

Good Kirk and McCoy scene. “They’re not smart enough to be aliens.” And Kirk doesn’t even pull the “I’m the Captain, answer my question” thing, he’s literally like, “I asked you first.”

I like that McCoy gets that they’re just “acting beautiful.” Actually in retrospect this is probably where Kirk get his placebo idea.

“Ships captains are already married--to their vessels.”

Lol they look exactly the same without the drugs, just with their hair disheveled and their makeup gone.

Love that the pill’s in the form of a sparkly heart.

Spock likes the look of the crystals. That decadent bitch. Idk if people generally thinkk of Vulcans as austere but they are not, like aesthetically--only emotionally. He just likes pretty things, and it’s canon.

Whereas Kirk’s like “I literally don’t give af that we made some crystals less sparkly, we saved some people’s lives.”

Mmmm, I enjoy negotiator!Kirk. Even though he’s in such a bad spot. That poor, sad little face.

Mudd’s earring loooool.

“Expect further difficulty from the miners.”

I love the mining aesthetic/world building/almost 50s sci fi feel.

I love that Kirk just went out into the storm after Eve. Even if he didn’t find her... but then this isn’t their love story, huh.

“I didn’t get any. I should have found a way!”

I’m too tired for real, like, analysis, but I like Evie and Ben.

She’s not even ugly, like........... I know I just have to take it as reality that the Venus drug makes them hot and I’m willing to just suspend disbelief that there’s some quality there that isn’t literal, that can’t be seen, but I cannot suspend disbelief that this very pretty woman is “homely” or “ugly” when she takes off her makeup.

Sub-space radio marriage.

Kirk is so smart with his placebo experiment.

I’m not like a super fan of the ultimate explanation of the Venus drug though--that it gives you “more of what you are.” Too... essentialist and playing into gender stereotypes personally. Like a lot of the Message of this ep I can get behind, but then it takes a few weird missteps that are almost certainly a product of the time in which it was made (like a less extreme version of The Enemy Within). Also, the little like shoehorned “You just gotta believe in yourself!” message was weird. It didn’t really seem to fit with the point.

The really interesting and thoughtful parts of this episode are smushed too much into the end. There’s just a lot going on: what is the nature of marriage, what are the confines of gender roles, what is the purpose of beauty, what are the intersections between gender and class, what are the larger economic realities at play here, how do human emotions like loneliness interplay with class and gender--and man the drug itself!! Is it manipulation? Is it lying? Are the real and/or biggest victims of the drug the women themselves--is it a danger to them? (I’d say yes, and, it appears to be.) And honestly nothing is really resolved?? Even Evie agreeing to stay with Ben apparently because she knows Kirk won’t have her (when they had one conversation and he didn’t really seem that into her anyway) is like... I get it because we always gotta shoehorn hints of romance with the lead because he’s the lead, and we have to bring everything back to the lead because he’s the lead, but I’m not interested in Evie’s thoughts on Kirk. I’m interested in her thoughts on Ben, marriage, partnership, gender roles, love.

I mean “You don’t want wives! This is what you want!” is so !!!!

Basically the ep is fine but it’s so weighted at the end, to a degree that everything that came before seems kinda... slow, in retrospect.

Honestly, Kirk’s even a little flirty with Mudd. (My mom: “The problem’s been solved, Kirk is happy and flirty.” I agree, happy and flirty is his default mode!)

"The fact that my internal arrangement differs from yours, Doctor, pleases me no end."

#the year 2020 #2020: star trek #2020: fandom thoughts #star trek tos

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blackcatanna · 4 years

Text

Playing Kazama's Route Because I Guess I Hate Myself Part 1: Kyoto Winds

So, I'm going to play through everybody's routes on Hakuoki and vent my feelings and frustrations on here! I've already done Saito and Iba but I will play them again soon, too. Next up is Kazama, mostly because I'm curious to find out if this fucker has any redeeming qualities. Maybe if you're into nonces. Idk.

Wow, I had forgotten how gloriously campy this intro is :') I love it so much!

Playing through the prologue because it sets the tone of blood, death and assholes. This game is much more violent, tragic and much less horny than I had predicted and I guess I'm into that.

Aw, Chizuru bae is so lonesome and vulnerable <3

Kodo flashback! HIIISSSSSSSSSS!!! >:(

Just taking a moment to appreciate how beautiful and romantic the nighttime environment and music is <3 At least, until people start getting slashed up X_X

OKAY GAME, WE GET IT: CHIZURU IS HORNY FOR HIJIKATA. GOD.

Okita is enjoying this waaay too much X_X

Chapter 1

WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE

Thank you for untying me, InouBAE!

THEY'VE BEEN DISCUSSING THE SITUATION SINCE MORNING BUT NOBODY THOUGHT TO SUGGEST MAYBE NOT REVEALING MORE SENSITIVE INFORMATION WHILE I'M IN THE ROOM?! I'm surrounded by idiots -_-

Apparently, "They are all truly gentlemen." Uh-huh.

Hooray for Chizuru calling out Okita for being a douche. And Hijikata for calling everyone a bunch of kids! Where is the lie? :')

Um, why has the camera zoomed in on Nagakura's crotch? Chizuru, please control your thirst. This is a life or death situation.

Now Saito's telling Okita to stop being a prick and Okita's response is, "hehe." X_X

Casual suicide jokes... Reminds me of my friends at uni X_X

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE 8O I can't see how this could possibly backfire...

OMG Kondou describing not recognising a girl as "The shame of a lifetime!" XD

"Maybe it's time you spilled your guts, kid." Is he... Is he telling me to commit seppuku?! O_O "I looked at him and nodded." GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD.

Although, with Harada threatening to strip me, suicide doesn't look like such a bad option X_X Tell me, Inoue, WHERE ARE THESE GENTLEMEN YOU WERE TELLING ME ABOUT?!

Feminist Hijikata wants to kill me regardless of gender :') We stan a woke queen.

Feminist icon Sanan also thinks that gender is irrelevant but doesn't want to kill me because THEIR JOB IS LITERALLY TO PROTECT PEOPLE.

You search so hard for Kodo and he turns out to be such a treacherous snake :'(

Bad feminist Hijikata calls the Shinsengumi "sons of bitches" for feeding me to him as his page. The Shinsengumi are strong, independent bitches in their own right.

Escaping execution but being quietly upset about having to wear ugly boy clothes for the foreseeable future is a mood.

More of Hijikata threatening to cut off Okita's tongue, please!

What does Chizuru have against afternoon drinking :P Clearly she has never enjoyed a long glass of Pimm's on a warm Summer afternoon! I guess she is pretty young...

Hijikata isn't here so can I please sneak out with you guys instead of staring at the wall all day?

Reeeeeeally want to pick the yes to dressing like a girl option but apparently that's not what Daddy Nonce wants :( HE'S NOT EVEN SHOWN UP YET AND HE'S ALREADY RUINING MY FUN! >:(

Well, now we're literally running away from Nagakura and Inoue. I'm getting High School flashbacks.

Wait, why is Heisuke being weird about Saito being in my room? Did this happen last time too? Maybe I just forgot or maybe it's because I was hanging out with Heisuke and Harada before...

This dinner is terrifying.

Survival of the fittest? More like survival of the FATTEST! Amirite? Anyone? No? I'll stop.

Takeda admittedly has a point about you not earning your place in the Shinsengumi. And he has great hair. So I can almost forgive him for being a mega bitch.

"His swordsmanship is decent, BUT he is well read and possesses a cunning mind for military science." Not sure if a translation error or Hijikata just hates nerds?!

Does accompanying Hijikata as his page get me bonus Kazama Sexy Points purely because it pisses Hijikata off?

Chizuru once again being in mortal peril but getting distracted by Iba's beautiful face is relatable af.

"Takeda huffed smugly to himself and WADDLED out of the store." What a majestic image we have been blessed with :') The bitchiest penguin ever to waddle this Earth!

Iba happily munching his bean jelly is a MOOD.

Chapter 2

Okita telling you that you're here to keep him company on his rounds is exactly the kind of bullshit that I'd expect from him X_X

Guess I'm just running into a battle...

Oh, it's Kazama. Sitting on the windowsill like the edgy bastard he is.

Aaaand he just killed a guy on his own side. Classic edgelord move.

And apparently I have to thank him for this display if I want him to be my waifu.

Seemingly, Chizuru is thirsty for this slut and is being REALLY FRICKING OBVIOUS ABOUT IT X_X

OH HE DID NOT JUST CALL ME THE SHINSENGUMI'S BITCH. Although, it is somewhat accurate XD STILL A DICK MOVE AFTER I THANKED HIM SO NICELY, THOUGH.

AND HE SAYS THAT I HAVE MANNERS, BUT WHERE ARE YOUR FREAKING MANNERS, YOU EDGY THOT?!!!

I have a feeling that a lot of this will be typed in caps from now on -_-

Oooh he winked! I cannot handle this intense eroticism!

Surprise Saito! My favourite flavour of surprise (see, "Shinsengumi's bitch")!

The Shinsengumi are grateful for my efforts and, thus, have gifted me with the great gift of sweeping <3

Hijikata and Iba are so cute <3

Kazama's being edgy again X_X and murdering people. Classic Kazama.

Oh wow, he's actually calling us peasants.

Aw, we're talented peasants <3 How generous of him!

HOW DARE HE TRASH TALK OKITA LIKE THAT! Wow, I'm actually defending that asshole X_X

Hijikata baring his teeth like an angry doggo XD

I'm super mad at Kazama for killing that poor Shinsengumi guy :'( Such a thoughtless waste of life :'(

Now he's mocking Nagakura's obedience to the Shogun. What are your lofty ideals, Kazama? Ah yes, you want to subjugate and enslave the human race. How... noble...

Okay, so, apparently, Kazama is being a huge, murderous pain in the ass because he's just OH SO CONCERNED for the pride of his human allies. I don't buy it.

Ah, Hijikata called Kazama a petulant child :') Truer words were never spoken!

Okay, now Hijikata is saying that they don't deserve an honourable death?! Wow, Hijikata. That comment is not going to age well, I can tell you.

So maybe I agree with Kazama here!? He still shouldn't have murdered that guy, though.

I seriously don't understand why Hijikata is so keen to slaughter these guys and potentially lose more of his men just to force them to suffer a shameful death?! Maybe he doesn't see dying that way as dishonourable but I have no patience for people forcing their ideals onto others.

Aaah! Kazama throwing Hijikata's insult back in his face is pretty brilliant!

Kazama just sliced me in the face! Sexy?!

Sexy Points with Kazama because he's confirmed your full BROOD MARE potential.

Kazama likes calling people bitches so we have that in common.

So, now Hijikata respects them for committing seppuku?! I am CONFUSED.

Oh, now I'm getting Itou's origin story?! This is unexpected!

Wait, have I broken the game and accidentally romanced Kondou?! What is happening right now?! X_X

Oooh! I'm getting sword training! Yes please! This is better than sex :D

Feminist icon Kondou isn't going easy on me just because I'm a girl :D

Chapter 3

Aka: Sanan's breakdown!

"Those were his last words." O_O I... hope that that's not true...

Okay, now he's throttling me! I take it back! Somebody fillet this crazy fucker!

OMG WAS THAT CRUNCHING SOUND MY NECK?!

But why is he choking me when he could be sipping on my delicious blood? O_o

The awkward moment when your creepy brother is a hotter woman than you X_X

Apparently, Kazama's gazing at me with bloodlust. How romantic.

Haha! Apparently Kazama's hand is "pale and grasping like the tentacle of some hideous subterranean monster." X_X Hot.

Yay! Rescued from tentai boi by HajiBAE and SanoCUTEY! And Harada is calling out Kazama for being a creep :') This is a good day.

Kazama's response burn is weak. The culture and the nose of a dog? What does that even mean? Even if Harada's nose looked like a dog's, that'd still be pretty weak, imo.

Ha! Saito's response is basically just an Uno reverse card but I'm always here for calling Kazama out on his hypocrisy.

Omg, now Yamazaki is kidnapping me and Shiranui's calling him out! None of these hos have any chill!

Amagiri is taking a break from fighting to read Shiranui for being a hotheaded pain in the arse.

Hijikata is rightfully calling me an idiot for drawing my sword on Kazama :')

Kazama's insults are so blunt and childish but it's so funny! He just called Hijikata a weak shit! Apparently, fighting him is an honour and Hijikata isn't giving this diva the attention he believes he deserves.

Hijikata needs to stop calling me Kid X_X

"Sleazebag" = accurate.

Ooh, Sanan is paying me a late night visit! How risqué!

Of course I want to learn more about the water of life but The Grand High Nonce would apparently disapprove so I guess I'll have to wait until another route to find out :'(

Apparently Kazama's not going to abduct me TODAY. How reassuring.

I relate to Kazama admiring the beauty of the temple but he lost me by being a hypocrite again. Apparently, he doesn't understand how humans can destroy their creations with their wars. KAZAMA IS FIGHTING WITH THE PEOPLE WHO WANTED TO BURN KYOTO AND THEY PARTIALLY SUCCEEDED. Kazama can only destroy things, as far as I can tell.

Now he's ranting about how they lie, deceive and kill. Pot kettle black? "If they want something, they'll steal it." UGH, KAZAMA, YOU HAVE REPEATEDLY TRIED TO STEAL ME YOU HYPOCRITICAL FUCKWIT. HE'S SO FRUSTRATING. SUCH AN INSUFFERABLE COMBINATION OF PRETENTION, HYPOCRISY, CRUELTY, HUBRIS, I could go on XD I should stop... For now...

AAAAAH HE JUST SAID NOT TO TRUST THE SHINSENGUMI BECAUSE THEY KILL THEIR OWN MEN WITHOUT BATTING AN EYELASH. THAT'S WHAT KAZAMA DOES WHEN YOU FIRST MEET HIM! BUT I GUESS IT DOESN'T COUNT TO HIM BECAUSE THE MAN WASN'T PART OF HIS SUPERIOR RACE!

Sen = <3

Chapter 4 (This is where I went to sleep)

I feel like we could have got away with killing the guy who was SENTENCED TO DEATH if fricking Sanan hadn't shown up and revealed his alive-ness!

Aw, Itou is concerned about my arm!

Aaaaand he's ruined it by being a cunt XD "Would you like to know?" "Yes." "I won't tell you." X_X

Heisuke, Saito... HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME... WHEN I NEEDED TO... POSSES YOU... I HATED YOU; I LOVED YOU TOO... BAD DREAMS IN THE NIGHT.... *Continues singing Wuthering Heights and dances around the room dramatically*

"And then they were gone" :'(

Tbf, I'd be pretty mad if my comrades had been doing such dangerous, fucked up experiments behind my back.

"I am more concerned about the soldiers being left behind." - lies!

Wait, Sanan knew Itou "really well"?! Their only interaction until now was Itou being a mega-douche to him. I have so many questions!

Aw, Sanan trusts that our friendlings will return <3

Ooh! Going on a manju adventure with YAM!

Kazama strolling down the street and everybody being pushed out of the way by the douchebag waves rolling off of him.

Okay, so Kazama has come here alone to get pissed amongst humans?! That seems implausible...

"I might even allow you to pour me a drink." BLEUGH BLETCH BLUUURGH.

I CANNOT WITH THIS THOT AND HIS HYPOCRITICAL BULLSHIT. HOW DARE HE BRAG ABOUT HOW COOL AND DOWN WITH THE KIDS HE IS TO BE DRINKING WITH HUMANS AND THEN SLAG ME OFF FOR ASSOCIATING WITH HUMANS?!

If I'm supposedly so curious about the demon lifestyle, can I PLEASE just run away with Sen? :'(

WHY IS NOBODY ASKING WHAT I WANT?!? X_X I WANT TO GO WITH THE COOL DEMON LADIES!!!

"Yukimura. What do you have to say about this?" FINALLY!!! THANK YOU, KONDOU!

I really want to go but the game won't let me XD

Souji is correct. I clearly have rocks for brains XD

"Gosh" Appropriate reaction.

AAAAAAAAND MY BELOVED SHINSENGUMI IS IMMEDIATELY ENDANGERED BY MY POOR DECISIONS.

Ooh! Physical contact with Kazama! Sure, he's violently grabbing me but this thirsty bitch will take what she can get XD

Harada has the best put downs :') "Barging in here to get yourself a wife! You think you'd get the point by now after all these rejections..."

"You fools have no idea of her worth." BITCH I AM A well, not human but SENTIENT BEING! THEY TREAT ME WITH MORE RESPECT THAN YOU EVER DID YOU MASSIVE CREEP. I AM MORE THAN JUST A WOMB, YOU HO!!!

"She is most valuable when used by a fitting partner." THA FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?!???! NOPENOPENOPE. A FITTING PARTNER WOULD NOT "USE" ME, BITCH.

"HA! So you decide to take her against her will just because you're too scared of the rejection you'll get from flat-out asking her out, huh?" YES HARADA!!! YOU CALL OUT THIS FUCKING NONCE!!! ALL RAPISTS ARE COWARDS!!! "You're so lame and creepy." WHERE IS THE LIE?!??

Meanwhile, Hijikata just makes it clear that he'd happily slice through me. Good to know.

I shall WIGGLE my way out of this situation! What do you mean it didn't work?!

YAAAS KONDOU! YOU FIGHT THAT BITCH!!!

OMG I JUST FELL ON TOP OF OKITA AND NOW HE'S SLUT SHAMING ME! XD

"Tell me... How is it? On top of me. Does it feel good?" O_O O_O O_O This game just got a lot more spicy!

Just fuck already! If only to piss off Kazama X_X

Aw, poor sick Okita <3

How dare they mention that the new HQ has a huge bath for warriors to bathe together and not have another thirst scene :P

Now Harada and Nagakura are slut shaming each other for having their tiddies out in Winter :')

Does this count as sexposition? Politics + tiddies?

"Itou dies." This is what happens when you base a game around true events! Problems aren't solved with the power of love and friendship! X_X

YES SAITO, PLEASE PROTECT ME FROM THIS MURDEROUS NONCE!

Chapter 5

At least in the normal route where nobody loves me, I don't get shot at by cannons O_O

There are a lot of typos in this chapter already. Perhaps the developers didn't expect anyone to be INSANE enough to romance Kazama.

DON'T TELL THIS RANDOM GUY YOUR PLANS YOU FOOL!!! IF THIS GETS INOUE KILLED, IMMA BE SO MAD!!!

NO INOUE!!! DON'T DRINK THE CRAZY JUICE!!!

NOOOOOO!!!! INOOOUUUUEEEE!!! :'(

Yes Queen, you call out those murdering cowards :'(

FFS I just got hella shot X_X

NO YOU GUYS ARE THE MONSTERS!!!

Apparently, I'm a "Noble Demon specimen" BITCH WHERE?!

"Why was Kazama helping me?" UM, HAVEN'T WE BEEN THROUGH THIS?! BECAUSE HE WANTS TO "USE" YOUR FERTILE WOMB TO BREED A NEW LINE OF DEMON CHILDREN.

"Shoot me? To death?" XD

"Kazama glared coldly at the pile of dismembered corpses on the floor" :') So romantic!

OMG IT'S THE BETTER DRESSED VERSION OF ME!!!

"Actually a man." UM, A CHILD, SEEMINGLY.

The whole creepy demonic family together at last :')

STOP CALLING ME ADORABLE AND LITTLE YOU CREEPY DEMON CHILD.

"What you're doing is disgraceful." YOU TELL HIM KAZAMA.

"Mind if I kill your family, right here and now?" O_O Kazama has zero chill! Thanks for asking, though, I guess. Go for it, Kazama XD

Oh, apparently I'm going to "talk to them" X_X

"Kodo, I could murder you over a thousand times, and it still wouldn't be enough for me." This is the most I've ever liked Kazama.

Doesn't Kazama work directly with Kodo in various routes?

Why can't I vanish like smoke? :'( Where are MY cool demon powers? :'(

"Turns out the only one capable of keeping you safe when you needed them most was me -- not them." HOW DARE YOU!!! INOUE GAVE HIS LIFE PROTECTING ME AND YOU'VE NEVER PUT YOUR OWN PRECIOUS NECK OUT THERE FOR ANYONE IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE YOU POMPOUS ASS!!! YOU'VE NEVER HAD TO WORK FOR ANYTHING IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE, HAVE YOU?! YOU WERE BORN A DEMON PRINCE AND THAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT YOU'RE BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE?!? BECAUSE YOU HAVE POWERS YOU DIDN'T EARN?!

"If your idea of a good time is seeing the rotting corpses of your friends, be my guest..." 8_8 :'( No, they can't all be dead! Surely not! Kazama don't say things like that!

The Yodo are going to betray the Shogunate?!? I must warn them D:

Wow, this just got heavy and real sad.

Wait, did he just admit to meddling in the war?! He is such a hypocrite!!!! Aaaaaaah!!! Somebody call him out on his bs!!!!

SEN AND KIMIGIKU <3 SAVE ME!

Even Shiranui sees that humans have a variety of complex motivations X_X

I AM NOT YOUR FUTURE WIFE!!!!

Do the Shinsengumi just assume that I'm dead?!

Great, now I'm on a road trip with this cunt.

"I've never actually been this close to a man before..." Calm down! That horse is third wheeling so hard right now. And what about that time you fell ON TOP OF Okita?!

Welp, that's it for Kyoto Winds! Onwards to Edo Blossoms! I still don't like Kazama but at least murdering the ever-loving FUCK out of Kodo is a cause that I can believe in. Although, one of the reasons that I hated Kodo in Saito's route was because he was helping the same sex pest I'm now galloping across the country with. Huh.

This is the most that I’ve ever used the word, “nonce” in my entire life and this is only the first game.

#hakuoki #hakuouki #kyoto winds #kazama chikage #watch me lose my marbles #Spoilers #sorry kazama fans #so many words

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clericbyers · 5 years

Note

The funny thing about RR!St3 (and yes I'm still talking about this) is that its technically your au so if u don't like stuff about season 3-and maybe that's like everything lmao- than you can change it for this au!!! so what're some things you could change to flex on the duffers with ur beautiful Galaxy brain?

oh ur so right….oh man OH MAN the power in my hands right now…this is super long but i got so into it okay thank u…

First off, my real vision for RR!ST3 would not be too close to how ST3 went down; the RR!ST3 I originally hashed out was me trying to stick close to ST3 but as I said then, it was hard bc many of the issues in ST3 wouldn’t happen if Mike wasn’t obsessed with El and if we actually address the fact that these kids are dealing with serious trauma from the events of ST2. In RR!ST2, Mike would be the one dealing with being possessed, Will would have been at his side the entire time, Nancy and Mike would be a lot tighter thanks to RR!ST1 (like she’d be very overprotective because she almost lost her brother and he’s annoying yeah but she can’t imagine not having him in her life anymore). So when RR!ST2 ends with the Snowball, I can see Mike still dancing with El when she returns because he needs to thank her, she saved his life after all, but I really. just cannot see his level of attachment being enough to try to date her. Because in ST1 and at the beginning of ST2, Mike is wracked with guilt about losing her, about bonding with her and ultimately her being a sacrifice to save them. He doesn’t have that in RR!ST1 and RR!ST2, at least not to the same degree as ST1 and ST2. He didn’t have the time to bond to El and while I think he might have fleeting feelings for his savior (like I said, nightingale effect) and have some guilt about how she seemingly gave up her life to save everyone, especially him, I also think RR!ST2 Mike would be very attached to Will though given how Will trusted him and stuck by him despite all the horrors. Mike takes loyalty very seriously and Will being with Nancy and Karen (as she would be the “crazy” mom who lost her son in RR!ST1, but she’d enlist Joyce’s help since Ted wouldn’t really care so it would be power duo Joyren trying to figure out where Mike is) in the RR!ST2 shed scene would mean a lot to him.

Now, we have those 8 months between ST2 and ST3 where basically Mike and El entered a relationship in ‘85. In that time frame in the RR au, I would focus more on how the Party is getting over the trauma they faced during RR!ST2. Firstly, Mike is definitely not okay after being possessed by a demonic godly shadow force. He’s in therapy again maybe, back on medications, IDK what exactly but he is broken inside but trying his best to act like everything is normal and he wasn’t just possessed. I think he would try to cling onto his childhood as Will did in ST3, because Mike didn’t get to grow up normal since he got kidnapped and possessed by monsters. Will and El would bond a lot in those 8 months though, definitely becoming closer siblings and El having a crush on Mike can still a thing. Mike might not feel that same way for her but he’d be down for dating if just to feel normal again. Part of that may be to continue dampening how he feels for Will because he just wants to be a regular kid again and what he feels for his best friend is not at all natural in his mind. I like the idea of Mike and El getting together in ST3 at the mall scene so I’d stick with that. But I also feel like Mike would definitely also be spending half the time subconsciously trying to stay away from El because she’s also a reminder of the horrors he faced in the UD and with the Mind Flayer.

There would be a lot of Will, El, Mike moments too! Will is her brother of sorts in the RR au and Hopper is only ever really comfortable with Mike coming to visit when Will is over, too, even before Mike agrees to date El.

So okay, Episode 1 of RR!ST3 deals with the fact that all the kids are still dealing with some sort of trauma. Mike wakes up from a nightmare, uses his walkie talkie to contact Will, and Will comes over and sits in his room with him and they chat for a bit until Mike can fall back asleep. Will sits at the foot of Mike’s bed watching him sleep before he sneaks back out the house. Nancy catches him and thanks him for stopping by and then he catches Lucas outside too while making his way back home. Lucas casually mentions that he couldn’t sleep and they chat about how weird things have been when no one in Hawkins knows what happened last fall. In the early afternoon the next day, Will bikes over to Hopper’s cabin to hang out with El, they listen to music and doodle together for hours, just being great friends. El casually mentions that she might have a bit of a crush on Mike (who comes with Dustin, Lucas, and El to visit sometimes because fuck ST3 and isolating El from the Party). This could be a moment for Will to be like, “Oh, me, too.” and they can bond over liking Mike together (that’d be cute af!! and it would help Will feel more comfortable about how he feels toward Mike when he’s able to talk about it without persecution). She asks him if Mike likes him back and Will kinda just stops doodling.

“I don’t know,” he murmurs hoarsely. “He’s never said anything.”

El hums and takes out a purple crayon to color in the grass. “Do you know if he likes me?”

Will says he doesn’t know but that he’ll figure it out for her. Hopper won’t let her come with Will to the movie that night so he promises one night he’ll help sneak her out and then bikes over to the theater. We have the ST3 theater scene but it’s reversed of course, so it’s Mike who feels the Mind Flayer and Will who asks him if he’s okay. Mike isn’t as shy and flustered as Will was in ST3 though, he tries to brush Will off petulantly (as RR!ST3 Mike tries his best to act like the events of RR!ST2 aren’t affecting him as much as it is) but Will takes his hand and says, “It’s okay to not be okay.” and Mike kinda fidgets but squeezes his hand in turn before they both go back to watching the movie.

The next day when Dustin comes back, we have the Party going up to Cerebro but there would not be any El and Mike leaving like in ST3. Instead, Will and El are whispering between themselves but it’s not really much about anything. El is too shy to ask Mike if he wants to sit with her as they listen to Dustin call his girlfriend and Will just wants her to feel comfortable near Mike and keeps pestering for her to just sit next to him. Mike is irritated because he wanted to hang with Will more today and he’s bonding with El. His powers activate from his irritation and he’s blocking the radio signal for Dustin and Suzie’s call. When it starts getting late, the Party splits up, Will and El leaving first because of curfew (a real one not the lie El told in ST3). Lucas and Max leave next and Mike is left solo with Dustin.

“I know that Will and El aren’t together, but god, I feel so childish being the single one out.” Mike complains as a chill breeze washes over the two of them.

Dustin hums distractedly, still trying to work out why Cerebro isn’t picking up Suzie’s channel. It takes a moment for Mike’s words to sink in and then he perks. “You know, El likes you.”

“She what?” Mike blurts, giving Dustin a look. “No, she doesn’t. She can’t.”

“Uh, but she can and she does.” Dustin turns a random knob to a different frequency. “It’s pretty obvious; she was sending you heart eyes this entire time if your oblivious ass would have realized.”

Mike isn’t sure how to feel about it. He’s always seen El as Will’s sister, especially with Hopper attempting (and kinda failing) at dating Joyce. Even when they danced at Snowball, it was a thing of gratitude, of joy, of acknowledging that she hadn’t died and he was happy about that. But, El actually liking him? “What am I supposed to do about that?”

“Do you like her?”

Mike scrunches his nose. He feels…something toward her but he’s not really sure what it is. It’s not the same way he feels toward Nancy but it’s not what he felt toward Max either. And it’s definitely not what he feels toward Will, but he doesn’t want to think about that right now. He wants to feel normal. “I’m not sure.”

“Well, if it’s not a solid no, then I’d say go for it.” Dustin adjusts his hat and leans back with a sigh. “She’s cute and I think this is the first time a cute girl has ever liked your nerdy ass.”

“Shut up,” laughs Mike and he nudges his friend who grins in turn. He looks up at the sky and sighs. “I should probably get back home before my mom goes nuts. Talk to you later, yeah?”

“I’m leaving, too,” he sighs as he stands up. “I don’t know why this isn’t working. Maybe the clouds are too overcast.”

Mike shrugs and flicks at the radio’s antenna. It buzzes erratically, static blasting through Dustin’s headphones and then suddenly there’s a voice coming through the noise. It’s a blend of things, like the receiver is caught between two frequencies. One is Suzie, the other is some spoken code (in English because the random inclusion of the Russians works for Red Scare era / anti-Russia 80′s America but like…it had no set up so I wouldn’t use it for RR!ST3) that neither Mike nor Dustin can understand. Dustin tries to fix the frequency channels to focus on Suzie, but he looses her and the input only focuses on the frequency the code is on. Mike touches the antenna again, holding on this time around, and he can literally feel the electric currents coursing through him, something sharper than a tickle but not as harsh as actual electrocution. The dials on the receiver interface start wavering about randomly and crazily until Mike lets go and then there’s only static again.

“What the,” Dustin mutters, bending down to check how Cerebro is working. “What did you do?”

Mike stares down at his hands, a panic attack on the edge of his senses because, seriously, what the hell was that? First having flashbacks in the theater and feeling that shocking tingling sensation on their way up the hill, now this? “I…I don’t know.”

Dustin taps at a dial and frowns. “Touch it again. Like hold onto it as you did earlier.” Mike does as told and the dials go nuts again. “Mike…do you…have you had any issues near electrical appliances recently?”

Mike scowls and tries to remember if anything odd has happened recently. “No? Not really. Sometimes the radio in my mom’s car doesn’t work and the TV gets a little staticy but that’s normal. Oh, and we had flickering lights out at the cabin when Will, Lucas, and I visited but it’s a cabin in the woods so what do you expect.”

Dustin bites at his bottom lip. “And this only happens when you’re around?”

“I, uh,” Mike grabs at his hair, “No, no, it doesn’t. It doesn’t. It can’t…I’m not, what…I thought that was the Upside Down only.”

“What do you mean?”

“I could touch the lights and the TV when I was in the Upside Down version of the basement. And when I touched them, everything glowed. Kind of like casting Daylight in D&D.” Mike struggles to find his breath; he never really talks about what it was like in the Upside Down. “And…and I knew, I knew where the demogorgon was before I should have. Like innate. And the dead people…”

“Detect Evil?” Dustin suggests, cocking his head to the side. “Mike, do you think any of that stuck with you here?”

[ So basically, the equivalent of “magic” in D&D is electricity in the real world / the Upside Down since electricity and tech is kinda like modern magic, and all of Mike’s powers in the Upside Down are, in theory, paladin spells. He couldn’t control which lights flickered on like Will did in ST1 but he can turn them on and he can create a beacon, along with talking to the dead and having an innate circle of protection around him (a magic circle as paladins can have!) ]

Mike goes back home totally freaked out and refusing to believe he has “powers” because his time in the UD felt like such a nightmare anyway. He just wanted to survive, he didn’t ask for this, he didn’t ask for the Mind Flayer to possess him and use his body to kill people, to almost destroy Hawkins in the process. And that night, Mike decides he absolutely cannot let these possible powers do anything or mean anything because he’s normal, he’s a normal 14-year-old boy who is absolutely not crushing on his very male best friend, no, he’s gonna get a girlfriend, and hang out at the mall like kids do over the summer, and everything is going to be fine.

The next day, Will doesn’t go over to El’s place to hang out, Mike picks up the phone and says a dumb lie about Will being busy to try to get out of it. (“Friends don’t lie,” says El afterwards. “But brothers do.” snorts Max, “All. The. Time.”) He’s frustrated by El wanting to spend time with Will one-on-one when he’s trying to get the og4 Party members together for some normal hangout time playing D&D because, again, Mike here is the one trying to cling onto his childhood, even more now that he might have “powers”. They play D&D with Mike as DM and it all goes well until Karen comes downstairs asking about magnets and Mike internally freaks out. He’s been feeling like someone is watching him for a while now (hint: El when spying on the boys in the Void) and now his mom is talking about something that could very well be his powers working. Dustin knows and can actually see it, so he suggests everyone should get some fresh air and hang out at the mall. The Party goes out shopping, they hang out at Scoops Ahoy and Mike and Dustin share their story about the radio last night but purposefully leave out details about what Mike did with the antenna. Will feels guilty for lying so he’s trying to find some new clothes so El isn’t always wearing Hopper’s hand-me-downs, and they run into Max and El outside.

“Well, well, well,” Max huffs as she crosses her arms. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

Will is worried because El leaving the house and being at the mall of all places would definitely make Hopper upset. “Are you okay?” he asks her, careful not to sound too overbearing. “Does Hopper know you’re here?”

El shrugs. “I told him I was seeing Max. And I am.” She turns to Mike. “You said Will couldn’t come over yet you are shopping. Why did you lie?”

Mike, who has spent practically the whole time at the mall on pins and needles, is really not in the mood for being questioned like this. “It just came out. I wanted to hang with the boys, okay? Just us. Like old days.”

El frowns. “Do you not like me?”

“No! No, I really like you!” Mike softens up and gives her a smile. “Honest; friends don’t lie, right? I’m sorry I lied to you. Today’s been…weird.” Dustin huffs at that. “Don’t worry about it though, I genuinely like you.”

And Mike doesn’t mean it that way–he had just said ‘friends don’t lie’ because he really does see her as a friend–but El takes it that way, and she grins widely, blushing as she ducks her head. “I like you, too, Mike.”

Will didn’t even think Mike liked El that way but now that it’s spoken in front of him, he can feel his heart breaking just a bit because any chance he thought he had is gone in his mind. El steps into Mike’s space and he blinks a couple times. “I want to go out with you.”

Dustin gasps, Lucas covers his mouth, Will tries his best not to look dejected, and Max whoops at her side. Mike turns to Will, who is staring at his feet, and then looks back at El. (A parallel to Snowball when Will looked at Mike for approval before going to dance with Zombie Boy girl.) Mike told himself he was gonna get a girlfriend and be normal, right? Ignore whatever happens in his chest when Will smiles at him. Ignore all of that and his stupid powers and be normal. “Yeah. Yeah, okay. Let’s go out.”

So the Party stays at the mall a little longer and Mike and El hang out together and get ice cream at Scoops’ Ahoy, which is amusing to Steve and Robin both. At the end, they go back to the Wheelers and El has to go back to the cabin but Mike is kind of in a daze because wow, he just got a girlfriend for the first time and went on a date with her. Dustin keeps teasing him, Lucas is cackling and making kissing jokes, but Will…Will is oddly silent at first. They get back on the campaign but no one can really concentrate and Will starts getting concerned about El and how she was out and about without Hopper’s knowledge. Mike is even more frustrated now because he thought things were going to start getting normal now, but it just seems to be falling apart. Will won’t even concentrate on the campaign, Dustin is horrible at trying to be subtle about if Mike’s powers are activating, and Lucas is complaining with Will about how Max and El are hanging out.

Mike lashes out and storms outside, where Will goes after him. “Mike, I’m sorry, it’s a really good campaign,” Will starts with a hand to Mike’s shoulder, “but I’m worried about El and I just…I can’t concentrate right now. We can play it tomorrow, I promise.”

Mike yanks himself away from Will. “Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, it’s always tomorrow! I said ‘see you tomorrow’ before and then I never did! Tomorrow may never fucking come! But oh, that doesn’t matter, huh? Tomorrow always comes for you. Tomorrow is always gonna be better.”

“Mike,”

“No!” he yells and lightening crackles in the distance. “No, you don’t get to say anything! You keep spending time with El, forgetting about all of us! I’m her boyfriend now and I’m not even this obsessed with her whereabouts.” He waves at Will, who scowls. “She’s not even really your sister and you’re letting her just ruining the party like this? And for what? So you can have a fake younger sister to hole up in her room all day?”

Will’s nostrils flare. “El is my sister whether you like it or not!” He snaps back with irritation. “It’s not my fault you don’t like El!”

Mike pauses, eyes widening just a fraction as his breath visibly hitches. No one was supposed to know that he wasn’t even sure how he felt…Dustin himself had come to the conclusion that Mike knew he liked El all along. Will though wants to take it back immediately. Taking out his anger onto Mike isn’t fair at all and just because Mike suddenly has a girlfriend doesn’t mean he should try to accuse Mike of not liking her. But he can’t help but question either way because Mike barely alluded to seeing her that way anyway.

“Look, I’m…I’m sorry, that came out wrong. So wrong.” He steps toward Mike, who tenses up more. “I know you like El, okay? I know you care about her. I care about her, too, just differently. She helped save you and the Party, how can I not care? That type of care has been with me for months. I can’t shut that off. I’m sorry.”

Mike’s breathing is getting denser and his vision is getting blurry because now he knows. Now he knows how he feels and he really fucked up saying yes to dating El. He doesn’t like her like Nancy and he doesn’t like her like Max either. He especially doesn’t like her like a boyfriend. “I like El like how you like her.”

“Mike?” Will’s voice is soft and shaking a little and Mike feels like throwing up.

“El saved me,” he whispers, “She saved me and I like her for that. I do. But she’s not…”

“She’s not what?”

Mike is crying now, angry tears dripping down his face like the rain as his voice crackles like the thunder. “She’s not you! I thought she would be enough and maybe I was wrong for it but it hasn’t even been a full day and I already know! I already know I don’t like her like that because I like you!”

There’s nothing but the patter of rain and Mike’s heavy breathing, and Mike can already feel his heart breaking because he spent so long trying to deny this and now he blurted it out in the midst of an argument like a dumbass and now Will is going to hate him. Hate him for not being normal, hate Mike for being what Lonnie always said he was. He’s crying still, hands shaking at his side as the tears continue to spill.

Will looks up at him with widened eyes and Mike can’t take it any longer. He can’t face the inevitable rejection right now. “I need to go.”

“Mike, wait, no! Mike!” Will rushes toward him but Mike’s already on his bike and riding through the rain. “Mike! Mike, come back!”

When Mike doesn’t turn back, Will rushes downstairs, tears streaming down his face as well and he can barely get his words out. “We need to find Mike, we need to find him now!”

“Will, what happened?” Lucas asks but Will grabs his jacket instead of replying.

“We need to go, now.” the brunette is shaking and Dustin puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Seriously, Will, what happened? Is he okay? Is he hurt?”

“Yes, yes, oh my god,” Will collapses on the stairs before he can finish climbing them. “Oh my god, he confessed to me.”

“Confessed what? His powers?”

Will blinks a few times and looks up at Dustin as he rubs at his runny nose. “His what? Powers?”

Dustin freezes. “Oh. I, uh, I thought…oh…oh. Mike likes you?”

Will waves a passing hand. “Pause, what is this about Mike’s powers?”

Lucas speaks up with irritation. “I thought you said we need to go!”

So all the boys get on their bikes and ride toward the Byers house since that’s where Mike would go when his nightmares got bad enough and it’s a safe place for him outside of the basement. Dustin explains what Mike had done with Cerbero and how they caught this code that he had been sort of hashing out with Steve and Robin when they went to the mall. No one is home at the Byers residence (Joyce and Karen are out with Hopper doing their whole side storyline there) and Will starts to freak out more.

“Where would he be, where would he be?”

Lucas crosses his arms. “Maybe the cabin? That’s where his girlfriend is after all.”

And that’s not where Mike is, he’s actually with Steve and Robin at the mall given he feels he’d be better off with someone who understands the UD/MF mess (Steve) and someone who doesn’t know the Party dynamics (Robin). He’s just about to tell Robin about his confession to Will when he feels the Mind Flayer and knows that he’s back.

The rest of the season is kinda…the same ish but also not?? But so I don’t write out the whole damn thing now lmao here are the pointers:

El and Mike are still trying to be girlfriend and boyfriend when they reunite at the cabin (Scoops Troop is a thing but it’s not tied to the Russian bs so they aren’t at the mall the entire time) but Mike is also really uncomfortable with El’s advances though he tries not to act like it.

Mike avoids Will as best he can even though Will keeps trying to get one-on-one time with Mike to confess that he likes him back

Jonathan and Nancy team up at the cabin too with news about the exploding rats (the MF’s attempt to possess non humans that went wrong) and Mike speaks up about how he might have powers himself

El tries to teach him how to go into the Void (which would be like a prayer for him) but when he does so, he ends up running into the Mind Flayer and find out that it’s after him and is willing to kill all his friends to get to him

Mike and El both pull out of the Void together gasping and crying and Will is immediately at Mike’s side as Max rushes to El. “He’s going to kill us,” Mike sobs shakily, “He’s going to kill us all.”

El gets attacked by the Mind Flayer (not Meat Flayer) because it was coming for Mike and she intercepted the transmission using her mind

At the hospital Mike breaks up with El (instead of how in ST3 they became friends again), and she’s a little hurt but understanding when he confesses that he likes someone more than her and doesn’t want to hurt her by lying to her constantly when dating her

Will finally gets Mike to himself here and is about to confess but then Mike feels the Mind Flayer (his innate sense evil power) and it’s possessed someone. He confronts it, helps save Nancy from the shapeshifting demogorgon attacking her, and banishes it from this dimension, only to pass out from the effort

El takes over with her powers and with Mike’s help, accesses the radio to find the channel that Dustin and Mike had found before. She discovers that someone is trying to open the gate again under the mall

At the supermarket, Will and Mike finally get to talk and Will confesses that he likes Mike, too. “Blank makes you crazy, right?” Mike chuckles as he takes Will’s hand in his own. He’s not willing to say love yet even if he knows it’s true. He knows that Will understands him though. Will always does.

“Yeah,” the boy replies sweetly, “blank makes you crazy.”

Cue an almost kiss before Lucas and Dustin come around with the fireworks and they all get over to the mall

Big battle against the Mind Flayer and the people it possessed. Instead of a giant gory meat machine, it possesses people in Hawkins like it did Mike in RR!ST2 and uses them to shapeshift them into individual monsters. So the Party is attacked by a horde of demogorgons and demodogs!!

The fireworks help a lot as Lucas suggested, and Mike and El work together as superpowered besties to banish the Mind Flayer from all the neighbors. Some die in the process (because it’s just, brutal and violent and horrible) and Mike gets temporarily repossessed in the battle but he’s more leveled up now and understands how this works, so he can banish the MF from him (a level 4 paladin spell might I add!) as much as El used her powers to take out the piece of the meat machine in her leg in ST3

Hopper closes the gate but not in enough time (we need him in the Upside Down for RR!ST4) and then the Mind Flayer retreats, but it kills all the people it had possessed in the process, which only wrecks the kids with guilt for being unable to save everyone like they almost did

This also frightens Mike who has been possessed by the Mind Flayer because it means his connection is still strong enough that the Mind Flayer could kill him instantly too (but it won’t bc Mike and El’s powers are too strong and it could possibly kill itself trying to kill them through that connection)

At the end there’s no one really moving away. El has lost her powers, Mike’s are nearly depleted / he doesn’t know how to use them without El’s help. Everyone is mourning Hopper and with El and Mike unable to use their powers, they can’t go into the Void to see that Hopper’s actually alive.

uhhh the epilogue is the first day of high school and the Party are hopping off their bikes and chatting about something nonsensical. Lucas and Max are holding hands, Dustin is waving his arms about wildly as he explains his latest science project, and Mike and Will are standing close together, just enough to brush their fingers together. (El is homeschooled since she needs to catch up on her education)

“You okay?” Will asks quietly as they stand off to the side away from the bustling crowds. “It’s okay to not be okay.”

“I know,” Mike grins down at his boyfriend, which is still so blush inducing to think about, so he blushes. “But, I’m fine. I’ve got you right beside me so I’m definitely okay.”

#role reversal au #RR!ST3 #byler #otp: palaric #omggggg #i love this so much oh my god #thank you for giving me the leeway to rebuild the au!!#anon #yams answers #yams writes

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vixxscifiwritings · 6 years

Text

no such thing as separation

Taekwoon and Sanghyuk’s affections touch across time. Goodbyes are only meant for those who love with their eyes. For those who love with their heart and soul, there is no such thing as separation.

Rating - General

Major Warning - None

Minor Warning - A hella lotta fluff

Prompt - Time Travel

Word Count - 1850

Pairing/Characters - LeoHyuk

Tags - A whole lot of fluff, seriously, it is fluffy af, non chronological timeline, VIXX members appear as minor characters

-x-

“You’re here?” Sanghyuk asks, lifting his head up from the pillow. His eyes are firmly shut and his voice is barely audible. By the end of the question, he is back to dozing off.

“Yeah. Go back to sleep honey” Taekwoon says, running his hands through Sanghyuk’s hair.

“I missed you” Sanghyuk says, shifting and stretching his arms out. Taekwoon takes the cue to shrug the warm layers he is wearing off and gets into bed with the man.

“I missed you too love” Taekwoon says fondly. Sanghyuk has dozed off again and is starting to snore. His hair is messy and his lips parted, loose and relaxed.

The afternoon sun is blocked by the curtains. Orange in colour, even the dim light makes the room warm. Taekwoon is grateful. It’s winter where he was and the warmth is much needed. He feels the chill in his bones seep away as Sanghyuk’s body heat warms him up by mere proximity.

Taekwoon takes a deep breathe and closes his eyes. He still feels disoriented and the break is much necessary.

-x-

“Why did you let me oversleep?” Taekwoon complains as he steps out. It’s morning and he feels guilty for having slept more than fourteen hours away.

“Oversleep?” Hongbin asks in surprise. “You told me not to wake you up since your exams were done.”

“Oh yeah…” Taekwoon says sheepishly, wracking his brains for what timeline he is supposed to be in. He went to sleep in Sanghyuk’s bed just a few hours ago but he woke up with his old roommate and friend Hongbin. And if he is talking about exams then this must be senior year in undergrad.

“I think my last final frazzled my brain” he says with a huff, sitting down on the chair by the kitchen counter.

“I understand that feeling. I am really calculating if I need my degree at the moment” Hongbin laments.

“Well… someday you are going to be a leading expert on the subject” Taekwoon assures him. It isn’t the full truth because he can’t give away the future just like that. But it is genuine enough for it to be reassuring when required. Hongbin smiles at him ruefully before going back to the extra highlighted pages of his thick textbooks.

“Maybe you should get some food. I’m heading to the library for a last revision before my exam” Hongbin tells him. Taekwoon watches him go before slumping. He misses Sanghyuk thought he doesn’t even know the man yet.

-x-

“So… where is Taekwoon?” Hakyeon asks, placing the Thai food on the counter.

“Travelling for work” Sanghyuk tells him. It’s a blatant lie and Sanghyuk knows that Hakyeon can tell. Yet he has no better explanation. He feels a little guilty because he knows Hakyeon would love Taekwoon under normal conditions. But their situation isn’t ordinary and Hakyeon thinks that Taekwoon is a straight up flight risk and negligent boyfriend.

“He’s not around that much, is he?” Hakyeon asks with the raise of an eyebrow.

“He’s busy and I don’t mind” Sanghyuk shrugs.

“But doesn’t it get lonely?” Hakyeon asks curiously.

“He comes home to me at the end of the day. I think that’s enough” Sanghyuk says. Hakyeon doesn’t say more, heading to the kitchen to get plates and cutlery.

-x-

Sanghyuk tries not to overthink Hakyeon’s statement. The question haunts him for days on end.

It’s a struggle to keep himself from feeling this way. It’s unfair to feel alone knowing that Taekwoon doesn’t abandon him by choice but just because his powers are not under his control.

But it does raise more questions. Sanghyuk has this nagging voice at the back of his head which asks him if it is enough. Taekwoon lives his life in leaps and bounds whereas Sanghyuk takes linear chronological baby steps. What if Taekwoon runs so far ahead that Sanghyuk cannot catch up? What if he gets tired of someone so… so constant and unexcitable?

Sometimes Taekwoon tells him of his adventures. He rarely travels beyond his own life span and even more rarely to other places. But he has done so enough for him to have a collection of adventures locked away. Even if he can't tell anyone about it.

Sanghyuk compares it to his life. He barely travels away from the city. Heck he can't afford to take too many days off because he works on an hourly wage and every hour counts if he wants any savings at all.

Why isn't Taekwoon bored of him yet?

The empty house has no answers and the food he was eating suddenly has zero flavour. He wraps up his lunch and shoves into the refrigerator. The mechanical humming of the machine is the only sound that resonates in the tiny room.

-x-

When Taekwoon wakes up, his bones are singing. He recognizes the tattle tale sign that he has travelled again. His senses are on high alert, causing him to sit up from bed abruptly.

This is not the small flat in Seoul that he has lived in for all his life. The room is of different dimensions and is painted a vibrant yellow with drawings on the lower ends. Red and green crayons form a jarring contrast and this confuses Taekwoon.

Has he travelled beyond his lifespan again?

The date on the calendar tells him that he is ten years after where he last was. This must be seven years after meeting Sanghyuk then.

Taekwoon puts his feet off the bed and contemplates if there is a way that he can avoid touching the ground because this weird future might become a reality then.

“Appa! Appa!”

A small child, roughly four years old comes running into the room. Taekwoon panics. He is in the wrong house for sure and now he has been discovered. The view from the window doesn't look very high up. He can always jump out and never return to this district and just let the household assume he was a thief.

“Jiwoo! Your father is asleep!” Sanghyuk admonishes, following the small child into the room.

“Appa awake!” the child claims, holding his hands up so that Taekwoon can pick him up. Taekwoon hesitantly picks the child up and Sanghyuk makes a guilty face. When Taekwoon looks at Sanghyuk all of it clicks into place.

He's the father.

Sanghyuk is also the father.

This is their child.

They have a family.

Taekwoon's heart swells and is in sure danger of bursting from joy and pride. He has a family. He has a family with Sanghyuk. Sanghyuk. The man he loves. The man he is afraid he will lose because he is never around and surely Sanghyuk deserves better than an absentee boyfriend. But they have a family. They made it.

A shrill squeal is heard as Taekwoon squishes his son. His Jiwoo. Taekwoon hugs him tightly and coos at him. He even lifts Jiwoo and pretends to throw him up and around till Sanghyuk intervenes to scold him for how reckless he is being. But Taekwoon will be damned if he can stop smiling through the entire act.

He pulls Sanghyuk into bed too, just so that he can cuddle his family. His family. He hopes the elation he feels at the moment will never fade.

Sanghyuk picks up on the fact that something is different. Something is not quite right with this set up and the way he is behaving. Taekwoon gets a look saying they will be talking soon. That hasn't changed over the years and this makes Taekwoon smile even more. In return for Sanghyuk frowning at him, Taekwoon kisses the corner of Sanghyuk’s lips and Jiwoo giggles.

-x-

It doesn't take long for Sanghyuk to figure out that Taekwoon mostly time travels when he is asleep. He rarely disappears during the day or when he is awake. But there are multiple occasions where he goes to bed with Taekwoon and wakes up alone.

Taekwoon is never gone for more than five days at maximum. It's a limit that they haven't tested and Sanghyuk hopes they won't. Going to bed alone is still terrible, no matter how heartwarming it is to wake up next to Taekwoon unexpectedly.

When Sanghyuk goes to bed that night, he holds onto the hope that Taekwoon will be back in the morning. His five days are almost up and he really wants Taekwoon home with him now.

Being woken up with slow kisses is a feeling he can get used to.

“Why are you so affectionate today?” Sanghyuk asks playfully. It's the middle of the night and he figures Taekwoon must have just returned.

“I love you” is all Taekwoon says, before trapping him between his legs and kissing him. He kisses his lips, jawline and cheeks. Any place he can get his lips on.

Sanghyuk doesn't know what to make of the increased affections. “Did you miss me so much?” he asks, dreading the answer.

“I always miss you” Taekwoon replies honestly. “And I don't want to live without you anymore. I want to get married and for us to have an army of children in a house in the suburbs.”

“At least take me to dinner first” Sanghyuk replies teasingly.

The playful tone hides a deep insecurity. Sanghyuk has been thinking. After spending days wondering, he has come to the same realizations as what Taekwoon easily put into words. A life without Taekwoon is meaningless because it would be a life without love.

But he was always worried that this realization came too fast. That Taekwoon may not be in the same space and state of mind. They've only known each other for a very short time and yet life when he didn't know Taekwoon feels like a lifetime ago.

But Taekwoon is serious, he realizes. “A family is a big responsibility” Sanghyuk replies. “And with our situation… I don't even know how we'll handle one child. Much less an army.”

“I took the long way home this time” Taekwoon says carefully. “I went to the past and then to our future.”

“What did you see?” Sanghyuk asks curiously.

“We had a family. We were happy” Taekwoon tells him. It's a vague and generic answer and Sanghyuk knows that Taekwoon won't speak more. He rarely gives Sanghyuk details from the future lest they affect it for the worse.

“Baby steps” he breathes, more for himself than Taekwoon. The realization leaves him reeling. It's a lot to take in.

“I promise to always stay by your side. Even if I have to leave occasionally” Taekwoon swears.

“We can work around that” Sanghyuk agrees. They settle into a sober embrace. Taekwoon's hold on him slackens.

“Do you hate me for never being around?” he asks. It's a loaded question with no easy answer. He is well aware that this question is entirely contradictory to his earlier actions.

“No” Sanghyuk says after a prolonged moment. “I don't hate you for it.”

“Do you love me?” Taekwoon asks childishly.

“Enough to have a family someday” Sanghyuk says wittily and the two of them laugh.

-The End-

#vixx fanfiction #fantasia fic bingo #prompt: time travel #pairing: leo hyuk #vixx leo #vixx hyuk #fluff #non chronological timeline #a whole lot of fluff #vixx ensemble as minor characters

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bitchronan · 7 years

Text

Shit Slytherins Say

Nottgrass, Dransy

Non-magical, college, texting AU

For my wife @daphnegreengrass

ao3

Pansy to fuck bitches get money: What in the name of merlin did I do last night

Astoria to fuck bitches get money: Honey what didn’t u do

Pansy to fuck bitches get money: Someone pls enlighten me, all my shoes r in the shoer

Pansy to fuck bitches get money: *shower

Pansy to fuck bitches get money: I need to wash my hair but

Pansy to fuck bitches get money: I cannot move them

Daphne to fuck bitches get money: lmaoo u pushed draco into the pond

Daphne to fuck bitches get money: Hes super pissed at u

Pansy to fuck bitches get money: Whoops lmao is that why I facetimed him at 5am

Pansy to fuck bitches get money: Lil bitch didn’t answer

Millie to fuck bitches get money: He texted me at 7 that he found a small fish in his ear

Millie to fuck bitches get money: I’m p sure he was lying

Millie to fuck bitches get money: But the point stands that he is very mad at u

Pansy to fuck bitches get money: Pls it’s just a pond it’s not like I killed his mum

Millie to fuck bitches get money: He told me to tell u that his Gucci shoes r ruined and ur buying him new ones

Pansy to fuck bitches get money: lmao as if I am

Pansy to fuck bitches get money: Has anyone heard from tracey ???

Pansy to fuck bitches get money: Is she even alive

Astoria to fuck bitches get money: She texted me like an hour ago ‘imf atill durnk’

Pansy to fuck bitches get money: Oh that’s good

Pansy to dragon boi: Heard u fell in the pond

Draco to satans accomplice: Fuck u

Pansy to dragon boi: Rude

Draco to satans accomplice: U fuckin pushed me in

Pansy to dragon boi: You have absolutely no proof I did

Draco to satans accomplice: Blaise filmed it

Pansy to dragon boi: Smug bastard

Pansy to tall dark and ?? handsome: omg send me the video of draco falling in the pond

Blaise to short and vindictive: Y’know.. I heard he was pushed

Pansy to tall dark and ?? handsome: Pushed? Idk her

Blaise to short and vindictive: Video Attachment

Pansy to tall dark and ?? handsome: Have my children

Draco to satans accomplice: You owe me new shoes

Pansy to dragon boi: Draco there r people that are dying

Draco to satans accomplice: Don’t quote the kardashians ar me u shoe ruining hussy

Theo to fuck flops: I would just like to state

Theo to fuck flops: That anything I may or may not have said alst night is inadmissible in a court of law

Tracey to fuck flops: Wat??

Daphne to fuck flops: She lives!!

Blaise to fuck flops: Would u happen to be

Blaise to fuck flops: Referring to that thing that u said to me

Blaise to fuck flops: About

Theo to blaine: Shut ur whore mouth

Blaise to fuck flops: Cantaloupes?

Draco to fuck flops: Cantaloupes???

Theo to fuck flops: Yeah cantaloupes

Daphne to fuck flops: I thought u hate melon??

Theo to fuck flops: I lied. Melon is my lifeblood

Pansy to to fuck flops: Wtf

Daphne to fuck flops: Traitor

Pansy to fuck flops: In This House we Hate Melon

Tracey to fuck flops: I like melon

Pansy removed Tracey from the group

Theo to fuck flops: Savagery

Pansy to fuck flops: Watch out ur nect

Pansy to fuck flops: Cantaloupe whote

Blaise to fuck flops: Whote

Pansy to fuck flops: Watch ur tone

Astoria added Tracey to the group

Tracey to fuck flops: Melon is the grossest

Pansy named the group kill the cantaloupes

Theo to greenAss: Are you coming to class today?

Astoria to Nott Cool: As if I would miss it

Theo to greenAss: You didn’t come last week

Theo to greenAss: Or the week before

Daphne to Nott Cool: Special circumstances

Theo to greenAss: You went shopping

Daphne to Nott Cool: It was important

Daphne to Nott Cool: I needed shoes

Theo to greenAss: You have a whole closet of shoes?

Daphne to Nott Cool: Nott physically but emotionally

Theo to greenAss: Oh of course, I get you now

Theo to greenAss: So ur coming??

Daphne to Nott Cool: Ya On my way!

Theo to greenAss: Okay nerd chill out

Daphne to Nott Cool: Autocorrect ffs

Theo to blaine: Help she’s coming to class today

Blaise to TheHo: Bro chill tf out you two are friends

Blaise to TheHo: You literally have this class together every week

Theo to blaine: Yeah, but we haven’t been alone together since the other week

Blaise to TheHo: It’s nott like she knows

Theo to blaine: Doesn’t she? ? Aren’t girls psychic or something

Blaise to TheHo: You’re beyond help

Theo to blaine: Fuck you.

Blaise to TheHo: How would Daphne feel?

Astoria to pansie: So you know how

Astoria to pansie: Draco has a crazy embarrassing crush on you

Astoria to pansie: And you’re like

Astoria to pansie: Completely obsessed w him but u think ur lowkey?

Astoria to pansie: That’s like how Theo n Daph are

Astoria to pansie: Ya feel?

Daphne to Nott Cool: I don’t get it

Theo to greenAss: I’m literally right next to you..

Daphne to Nott Cool: God forbid we talk in class

Theo to greenAss: We are talking

Daphne to Nott Cool: We’re texting

Theo to greenAss: Okay smartass

Daphne to Nott Cool: That’s me

Theo to greenAss: Oh, guess you don’t need me to explain what she’s talking about then?

Daphne to Nott Cool: No wait!! Come back !!!

Theo to greenAss: Still right next to you

Daphne to Nott Cool: :)

Pansy to daphne 2.0: what The fuck.?

Astoria to pansie: You didn’t know Theo and Daphne liked each other??

Astoria to pansie: Are you blind?

Pansy to daphne 2.0: I wish, at least then I wouldn’t have to read ur stupid ass messages

Pansy to daphne 2.0: I would agree w ur insight if it weren’t completely flawed in the fact that Draco does not have a crush on me

Astoria to pansie: Didn’t deny yours on him :)

Pansy to daphne 2.0: Come back when you have a brain and we’ll discuss this further

Astoria to pansie: This being..? You and Draco or Daph and Thee?

Pansy to daphne 2.0: I’ve hired hit men. They’re on their way

Pansy to daphne 2.0: I wish I could say it was nice knowing you

Draco to satans accomplice: We still on for tonight?

Pansy to dragon boi: Oh I can’t tonight, I have an essay due. Raincheck?

Draco to satans accomplice: Since when did you actually turn in work?

Pansy to dragon boi: Haha, sorry! It’s like half my grade!

Draco to blaze🔥: Look what pansy just said to me

Draco to blaze🔥: Image Attachment

Draco to blaze🔥: She’s being weird right? I’m not imagining it

Blaise to DracHoe: Oooh boy, punctuation and everything!! What did you do?

Draco to blaze🔥: Nothing!! She just started being rlly strange w me

Draco to blaze🔥: Since when did she take a raincheck on downton???

Pansy to astoria 2.0: Daph

Daphne to pants: Pans wtf I’m just trying to mind my own business

Pansy to astoria 2.0: Ur little sister

Pansy to astoria 2.0: I s2g she’s fucking w me on purpose

Pansy to astoria 2.0: I just had the most awkward convo w Draco

Daphne to pants: Did he confess his feelings for you?

Daphne to pants: I woulda thought he’d at least do it in person

Pansy to astoria 2.0: Daph fuck off

Pansy to astoria 2.0: I swear this is a conspiracy

Pansy to astoria 2.0: I’m seriously

Pansy to astoria 2.0: Tori told me Draco likes me which is obv a lie but now idk what to say to him???

Daphne to pants: Pans idk if you’re blind, stubborn or just actually idiotic but that boy has been head over heels for you since we were in 9th grade

Pansy to astoria 2.0: What?

Daphne to pants: Girl

Daphne to pants: You’re beyond help

Pansy to astoria 2.0: Says you

Daphne to pants: ???

Pansy to astoria 2.0: I’ll get my act together when you and theo do

Daphne to pants: What about me and Theo?

Pansy to astoria 2.0: You Know

Draco to kill the cantaloupes: Guys we haven’t all hung out in a week

Draco to kill the cantaloupes: I’m starting to forget what you all look like

Draco to kill the cantaloupes: Blaise you’re white right??

Pansy to kill the cantaloupes: Some of us are studying

Pansy to kill the cantaloupes: Finals are soon

Draco to kill the cantaloupes: Who?? You wouldn’t know studying if it gave you a lap dance

Pansy to kill the cantaloupes: 🙄🙄

Daphne to kill the cantaloupes: Draco’s right tho

Daphne to kill the cantaloupes: I miss u all

Theo to kill the cantaloupes: Aw we miss you too Daph

Blaise to kill the cantaloupes: 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Millie to kill the cantaloupes: ????

Astoria to kill the cantaloupes: I want burgers

Tracey to kill the cantaloupes: plural?

Astoria to kill the cantaloupes: Did I fucking stutter?

Draco to satans accomplice: Pans wtf is going on?

Draco to satans accomplice: Are you mad at me?

Pansy to dragon boi: No, why?

Draco to satans accomplice: We haven’t spoken outside the group chat in over a week and you pretty much ignored me at dinner the other day

Pansy to dragon boi: No I didn’t

Draco to satans accomplice: You did! What’s going on??

Pansy to dragon boi: Nothing

Draco to satans accomplice: I’m coming to your room

Pansy to dragon boi: I’m not in

Draco to satans accomplice: You posted on your sc story 3 minutes ago

Pansy to dragon boi: Stalker

Daphne to pants: Are you and Draco holding hands under the table??

Pansy to astoria 2.0: No

Daphne to pants: You moved your hand to text me..

Pansy to astoria 2.0: Maybe

Daphne to pants: B I T C H !!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF

Pansy to astoria 2.0: Nothing

Daphne to pants: Fucking. Spill

Pansy to astoria 2.0: He called me out for bein awkward af w him

Pansy to astoria 2.0: Bc I didn’t know what to do when I found out he liked me

Daphne to pants: I recall. Vividly.

Pansy to astoria 2.0: And he came to my room and was like ‘whats going on?? Why are you being so weird?’

Pansy to astoria 2.0: N I like skirted around it but eventually I was like Tori told me you like me and idk what to do??

Pansy to astoria 2.0: And he got kinda?? Angry?? Like not angry but he was like ‘why is that such a big deal??’

Pansy to astoria 2.0: And I was like….. It’s not?? I just? Didn’t know if it was true

Pansy to astoria 2.0: And then he was like, I’ve been in love w you since we were 13

Daphne to pants: Aw!!! Aw !!! Awwwwww !!!!!

Pansy to astoria 2.0: Lmao don’t tell anyone he’d kill me for #Exposing him

Daphne to pants: No he wouldn’t, he looooves you

Pansy to astoria 2.0: And I was like …….

Pansy to astoria 2.0: Then he was like ‘Okay.’ Really slowly and started to leave

Pansy to astoria 2.0: And I was like ‘wait! I guess.. I love you too’

Daphne to pants: ‘I guess’ im FUCKINF 😂😂

Pansy to astoria 2.0: 😊😊😊

Pansy to astoria 2.0: Honestly though

Pansy to astoria 2.0: I swear im stunted emotionally

Pansy to astoria 2.0: But it worked out

Pansy to astoria 2.0: Hence the hand holding under the table

Daphne to pants: !!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so happy for you !!

Pansy to astoria 2.0: I kept up my half of the deal

Daphne to pants: Huh???

Pansy to astoria 2.0: I said I’d sort myself out if you and Theo did

Daphne to pants: That’s different

Pansy to astoria 2.0: Name 12 of their songs

Daphne to pants: 🙄🙄

Pansy to dragon boi❤️: I told Daph

Draco to satans accomplice💘: I know I literally read the entire conversation over your shoulder

Pansy to dragon boi❤️: Stalker

Draco to satans accomplice💘: You love it

Pansy to dragon boi❤️: You love me

Draco to satans accomplice💘: Shut up

Pansy to dragon boi❤️: ❤️

Daphne to pants: Consider the deal kept

Pansy to astoria 2.0: Daphne what the fuck

Pansy to astoria 2.0: Where are you?? I lost you at like midnight?? Smh.. white girls

Daphne to pants: I’m .. a t theos

Pansy to astoria 2.0: WHAT

Daphne to pants: In his bed……..

Pansy to astoria 2.0: WHAT X2

Pansy to astoria 2.0: THAT WASN’T EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT

Daphne to pants: :) shit happens

Pansy to astoria 2.0: I’m so done w u

Daphne to pants: U told me to

Pansy to astoria 2.0: 🙄🙄🙄

#mine #*fic #draco malfoy #pansy parkinson #millicent bulstrode #theo nott #blaise zabini #daphne greengrass #astoria greengrass #hp:fic #dransy #nottgrass #hp:mine

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elevenhoursinfront-blog · 7 years

Text

21st September 2017

The alarm went off at 0515. How could that be it? I only just went to bed - or so, it felt that way. Steve got up and turned the light on so we could get ready. I hid underneath the cover and begged him to let me stay. Realistically, even if he said yes, I wouldn't have. I was a little excited to be fair. A new farm experience. We got dressed, got our bag ready with our litre bottle of sun cream being the most important thing packed. Steve made us sandwiches and I filled our water bottles up. We quickly had some cereal and left. We were meeting Harriet who was coming with us, at 0610 by the van. It was already 0613 - oops! We got there and Harriet said how tired she was. I feel you girl. She went to bed at the same time as us. We got into B3 - the van that has rubbish everywhere and a slight sick smell. One the plus, it's the only one with a radio. Beggars cannot be choosers. This is a luxury to us these days. We had a half an hour drive before we got there. We were going to a place called Euramo and we were meeting a guy called Anthony on the side of Rockingham Road and Bruce Highway next to a small banana stall. We got there and pulled over. It was pretty easy to find to be fair. A straight line the whole way there. We saw a truck slow down and pull up besides us. A guy leaned out of the window and said "Are you guy's here for Anthony? The watermelon farm?" Steve said yeah and we were told to follow him. We followed for a further 10 minutes through fields and fields of sugar cane, grass and mud. We were on a dusty dirt track struggling to see the car in front. Eventually we pulled up to his farm, we were told to park next to the "power pole". We got out and walked into the shed. There were men pulling up ready to start their day. We stood there, like planks with no idea what to do or where to go. I started to feel really intimidated. Anthony was a real bogan and his workers were Aboriginal men. I was nervous. I couldn't understand them - I think they were talking in a different language. Anthony told us to get the watermelon boxes, open them up and place them onto pallets. The workers all said hi and gave us a helping hand. The watermelon boxes were huge. They were the thickness of about 5 cardboard boxes and about a metre width and length each way. We had to open them up, bend them so they weren't square, they were hexagon. Then we had to bend the flaps at the top so they could all fit together when we turned them back the other way. I'm not even sure if that makes sense but it hurt my hands a lot. We did that for about half an hour. Harriet and I were the only girls there. We all jumped onto the tractor trailer with everyone else. They guys introduced themselves and we started chatting away. We got to the watermelon patch after about 5 minutes driving. We jumped out and watched the guys move the conveyor belt outwards. The tractor was out our left and the belt came out horizontally in front of us. We had to stand in a line, arms width apart and walk with the tractor. Every step you took, you had to pick up a watermelon and place it onto the belt. There was one guy and Anthony on the tractor sorting them into boxes. The trailer held about 9 boxes. The mud was ankle deep, should’ve been quite light and dusty. It would’ve been if it hadn't rained so much lately. It was like normal damp soil now though. Watermelons grow on thick vines. We had to pick the very large ones only. We had to grab them, break the vine with our hands and be quick to put it onto the belt whilst walking forward. At first, fairly simple. The melons were damp from dew so they were slippery. It was hard to get a grip especially with them being about 15-20kg each. They weren't your average size melons - these were humdingers! The mud didn't help either. The tractor driver was an old man called Bruno. He was pretty deaf, bless him. He must've been a good 70 years old. He had a few deep cuts on his leg that I wanted to clean up for him but I guess that's not something they do when they work on farms. We walked up the first paddock which took about an hour. We were facing the sun too which was beaming into our faces. Steve and I were smart and packed our hats. Ange would be proud. Once the boxes were full, we waited for a member of shed staff to drive a new one out to us and then he would drive the full one back. We did another paddock walking away from the sun which was so much easier. It's unbelievable how much the sun can affect you. By 0900, Anthony had to go back to the shed. He told us to have smoko (Australian 10 minute break). One of the guys cut up a watermelon for us to eat. It was absolutely delicious. Harriet was in her element. She said the two hours work was worth it for that. How To Please A Vegan - Volume One. We chatted to the guys who are really nice and very funny. We continued with our work doing more and more paddocks. I was getting tired. I looked at Harriet and she was starting to struggle too. By 1100, we were exhausted. Taking one step, picking up 20kg slippery watermelons caked in mud for 7 hours so far. We had to try and watch our steps so that we didn't ruin the vines but there's so many everywhere, you just can't help it. As you're walking with the melon, they get tangled in your feet and you trip. You can't see because the melon is so big, you kick more melons as you try to catch up with the belt. I had toads jumping out at me, some bigger than my head (slight exaggeration, but they might as well have been that big). Worms crawling up my arms, caterpillars, spiders, weird insect that I've never seen before. You don't have the time to check for them on you, you just feel where they're moving g and flick them off if you can. It was awful. Anthony is the son of the owner of all the farms in the vicinity. His Dad runs the sugarcane farms and Anthony is in charge of the fruit. Anthony shouts at us constantly whilst we're working - he's quite mean. He calls Harriet and I 'girl'. He would shout "you missed one girl - don't tread over it!". He would shout at everyone "Don't roll them around in mud!" and all sorts. He's an arse. We had lunch around 1230. We had to fill out our tax file forms and give our details so we could get paid. Harriet wanted to give an excuse so that we could go home now. I wanted to do the same but I'm not that sort of person to quit. I'd get through the day and die when I get home. We went back to work and it was worse. The sun was at it's hottest point and I was just burning, literally. I was bathing myself in sun cream whenever I could. I weren't even rubbing it in anymore, I was leaving it thick on my skin.Our bodies were black from the mud, head to toe. We were soaked from all the sweat. I have no idea how these poor people do this daily. I wish I was a multimillionaire so I could give them money so they didn't have to do this anymore. It's sad because they beg Anthony for work too. Work like this shouldn't be allowed. It's painful. Anthony's Dad joined us for 5 minutes to see the quality of the melons. Anthony was very quiet when he was around. He was like a mouse. Funny that - when he left, he went back to his shouting self. Arse. Again, like the bananas, so much of the fruit is wasted. If it doesn't look right or feel right, he chucks them. I couldn't tell you the amount of fruit chucked out, because it was a ridiculous amount. It made me sad because I hate waste and I wasted ten tonnes of energy picking them up!!!!!! By 1500, I didn't have much more go in me. Steve was knackered too. We were all out of energy and I just couldn't keep up. I couldn't bend anymore to pick them up. They were too heavy. They kept slipping out of my hands. I was stuck deep in the mud, tangled in the vines trying to lift as quickly as possible. My body hated me. Eventually, we were on the last trailer and I've never felt happiness like it. When Anthony shouted "That's enough!", an instant smile appeared on my face. I did it - a whole day. Anthony told us that tomorrow would be a shorter day. Harriet and I said that we had work elsewhere, which wasn't a lie. I was back at the cafe. Steve offered to work tomorrow and I died inside for him. It was torture. I can't even explain to you how difficult it was. I felt like I was on Biggest Loser being sent to the worlds hardest boot camp. We were sitting on the back of the trailer driving back. The guys jumped up and screamed "SNAKE!". They jumped onto the belt in the middle of the trailer. I jumped up, scared and looked around for it. The snake was underneath us and slithered away from us. It was MASSIVE. It was ridiculously fat, long and ugly. You know you're in trouble if all the locals jump up! They said that it was an Inland Taipan - the most venomous snake in the entire world. The guys kept shouting "that would kill us all in a second!" Luckily, it went away from us, if came towards us, we would've been in trouble. The guys said it should've been killed but there was no way of killing it. What a lucky escape. We got into our boiling hot van and drove away as quickly as we could. We didn't but I wanted too. We got home after half an hour and everyone was outside saying goodbye to Lucy and Danny who were leaving today. We got out of the van and everyone started laughing at the state of us. We were practically black. After we said our goodbyes, we got in the shower. I was in there for ages scrubbing at my skin. The black mud wasn't coming off. My skin felt sore afterwards. Luckily, I wasn't burnt like I thought I was. My skin was glowing red outside which was weird. Maybe it was the reflection, who knows. I told Steve that I was too tired to make dinner but he said he was starving. We made turkey mince with broccoli, carrots, onion, green beans and pepper. The same as last night. It was delicious and I'm glad we did make dinner. I just couldn't move. I couldn't do anything. I've never felt so lethargic in my life. We went to our room around 1830 after washing up and what not. My head was absolutely pounding. We fell asleep straight away. Out like a light.

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sopewriters · 7 years

Text

Get to Know the Admins~

Hey Guys!!

We’re so ecstatic to have reached yet another milestone in such a short time. How long has it been? seven months? Time flies by when you’re having such a great time.

And most importantly, we’d like to thank all of you dedicated and sweet people for reading our fics, leaving a like and even reblogging them. Your efforts never fail to put a smile on our face :)

Although we love seeing you guys in our notifications, we’d also love seeing you in our inbox, anonymous or not, so to help you all out, we made this ‘get to know the admins’ post so that you can see we’re just as awkward and funny as the rest of you :)

So let’s get to it~

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED?

M: Closed, I get super paranoid about these things.

S: Same, tbh.

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS?

S: um, *laughs nervously* sometimes I guess lol

M: Lmao, criminal activity or wut? Tho I’ve done it a lot when i was younger, tbh.

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

M: Tucked out. It’s too stuffy otherwise.

S: How does one sleep with it tucked in? I’m all for tucked out

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE?

S: Lol no?

M: Same, but it sounds interesting enough. Wanna go try it out? xD

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES?

M: Yes, I am super obsessed with them. My desk is sort of decorated with sticky notes right now, actually.

S: I like them, they’re nice and organized but I cannot, for the life of me, get them to stick properly Istg

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM?

S: I don’t usually shop so I don’t even have coupons lol

M: Sometimes yes.

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES?

M: A bear, because I could still run away.

S: SAME, I hate bees

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES?

S: Unfortunately not

M: Nope.

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES?

M: What is a smile, but a fleeting lie? Jk, I don’t

S: I always smile, whether it be for photos or just in general. Although Midnight does have a way of ruining my life :)

M: Rude. I’m a nice person, I promise.

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE?

S: I don’t really know. I guess when people who you take care of and are generous to, treat you like shit?

M: Somehow, I feel like that’s me TT. I have quite a few pet peeves, actually, but to name one: you know when people crowd into your personal space? Yeah, it’s the worst :’(

S: And I know for a fact that you’re referring to me there but that’s okay because I love you~~

M: Why.

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK?

M: No, not really, unless I’m climbing the stairs and want to reach the top as soon as possible (I’ve had to climb like 4000 stairs before, ok)

S: Sometimes but not really, I lose track of things rather easily.

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS?

S: Not that I remember

M: Lol, nope.

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS?

M: Lol, nope.

S: Nope~

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING?

S: *remembers the night before* Yes and my parents think I might be possessed?

M: This morning lmao. I don’t really like to do that in front of other people, so it’s confined to my room.Usually occurs when I feel super, weirdly happy.

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS?

M: Nope, I mean that sounds unhygienic af. But, I know someone who does so...*meaningful glare*

S: *Cries* Unfortunately it is a habit that has persisted since childhood and I’m too lazy to do anything about it.

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK?

S: Fictionally: 10+ In reality: None

M: ...None?

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED?

M: Queen-sized.

S: Same, but I promise, we don’t sleep in the same bed... or do we? ;)

M: Yuck.

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK?

S: Don’t Recall - K. A. R. D.

M: Seo In Guk’s ‘Bebe’ has fucked my life up ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK?

M: Why the hell not. Go for it kids.

S: Uhm, of course, why not?

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS?

S: ....Sometimes but in my defense, kids these days have like super chic shit

M: Maybe, maybe not....okay I do. Occasionally, but it’s ‘coz I have like a 2 year old living with me.

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE?

M: ‘The Great Wall’ because ma boi Lu Han is fucked over...jk, it’s actually a pretty good movie.

S: Those dumb ass movies with predictable plot and shit

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME?

S: In my backyard but make like a really complicated map for it just to fuck with people lol.

M: In my bank account. I wouldn’t bury it, but investment dudes.

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER?

M: Water. Obviously. Hopefully.

S: Same or like maybe sometimes soft drinks~

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN?

S: Barbeque shiz or like Ranch

M: I’m like vegetarian, so grass? JK, I wouldn’t eat it in the first place, I promise I don’t actually eat grass.

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?

M: I usually like spicy stuff. Pani Puri’s good too, if you know what I’m talking about.

S: Literally anything with good cooked chicken. You can never go wrong with chicken. Unless you don’t know how to cook. In which case, you’re fucked.

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE?

S: Harry potter, Lord of the rings and all the good ol’ classics

M: Harry Potter’s one of those types, yes. But I also like to revert occasionally to my childhood--Robin Hood was good. aND sECRETLY, gREATLY HITS ME IN THE FEELS EVERY TIME HELP

27. LAST PERSON KISSED YOU?

M: I think...my mom? Or my brother? Idek.

S: My father, after I wished him happy birthday today!

28. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE?

S: Hmmm.... Maybe? Probably not tbh

M: Hahahahahahahaha. Nah, bro.

29. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST?

M: I usually enjoy omelettes, sunny side up. Hash browns rock too.

S: I always have toast and cheese omelettes but I love pancakes and waffles with maple syrup

30. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME?

S: I don’t have one since I don’t really sleep so...

M: 10...gdi. Also, I don’t support your sleep schedule, I hope you know that.

31. ARE YOU LAZY?

M: Why would you say such a thing? Of course I am.

S: Depends. With studies and work: yes. Fanfiction: You can wake me up at 3 am and if I’m inspired, I will not hesitate to write a 10k fanfic.

32. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN?

S: I never really dressed up but if I did, I’d probably be a vampire

M: I dressed up as Gabriella from High School Musical, once. But the most memorable one was the time I dressed up like Aurora. Man, those were good days.

33. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN?

M: Rabbit, lmao.

S: Same!

34. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK?

S: English, Hindi, French, Slight Korean and Japanese (Very very little)

M: English, Telugu, and Spanish. I tried learning Danish via Edmodo, but I only know how to say ‘a bear eats bread’ or something. I understand a bunch of other languages, but can’t speak them (A++ for well-roundedness)

35. ARE YOU STUBBORN?

M: Maybe, maybe not. Who knows?

S:I know and you’re not -.- But I am~

36. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS?

S: YES YES YES!! Currently on the 49th episode of Our Gab Soon and still watching. Will it ever end? We will probably never know.

M: My life revolves around soap operas...so like idek.

37. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS?

M: No, not really. Rollercoasters are the bomb yes

S: Extremely. How people can enjoy being thrown down a height in a metal contraption is beyond me.

38. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR?

S: Yes! Very much and it bothers Midnight a lot on the bus.

M:Tell me about it -_- But it’s okay, I’ve gotten used to it. I usually sing in the car if there’s no one there besides my parents, but not anywhere else.

39. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?

M: I used to, until I realized my neighbors could hear me.

S: Yes, rather loudly considering my grandma downstairs can hear me.

40. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR?

S: Not much really. I’m not a dancer.

M:You mean wiggle around? SURE I DO~

41. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL?

M: Always. Do I look like I’m made of money?? But it’s fun too, so it’s all worth it :)

S: Not really. I love Christmas and it’s the joy of giving that makes me super happy the entire month. That and the fact that I’m done with my exams by then!

42. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?

S: Botanist. I was a huge fan of plants. Now, not so much.

M: Funny you ask. I wanted to do a LOT of things: teacher, journalist, author, lawyer, marine biologist...the list goes on and on.

43. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS?

M: I don’t want to think about it ;_;

S: Yes and I’m both fascinated and terrified.

44. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING?

S: All the damn time. It’s really weird.

M: Yeah, same. My entire family thinks I’m weird now, but what can I say?

45. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED?

M: Pajamas, usually. I don’t really pay attention, as long as I’ve got baggy pants and a loose T-shirt, it’s all good.

S: Shirts and shorts mostly~

46. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING?

S: Kpop idol? JK, probably something related to the science, idk man, I don’t really have any preference

M: I sort of do? Like, I’ve always had a preference for someone who’s either a lawyer or a chef, because I can’t cook for shit. I need someone for that so...

47. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?

M: I think I’m not ready for that yet lmao. But no, I don’t think I’ve ever been in love :))

S:HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME ;-; AFTER ALL THE LOVE I GIVE YOU!?!?!?Jk, but yes, I think I’ve been in love and currently am :)

M: <3

48. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?

S: Black and Red!

M:greengreengreENYAS--

49. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY?

M: Nah, that’s Sangria’s thing

S: -.- I didn’t ask for this discrimination

50. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING?

S: Band all the way!!

M: Same, I don’t have any good experiences with DJs.

51. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES?

M: Black olives duh??? But I don’t mind green olives either.

S:Same, tbh

52. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?

S: YES! YES! YEEESS!!!!

M: Maybe, but there’s a long time for me to figure that out lmao.

#get to know the admins #admins #admin sangria #admin midnight #dumb shit for all ya'll

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notyetjaded1 · 7 years

Note

1-117 :) please answer all of them

omg.

don’t mind me as i just use this as an excuse not to stare at my own face until i go to sleep

previously asked questions here & here!

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

Oooooh. The state of the world and politics and equality issues, figuring out my life purpose and real abilities, why I always have the inspiration to film at the most inopportune moments, and fucking taxes, man.

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

Actually…yes! Sometimes! People are super cute.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

Fuck no. Not in the slightest. And yet here I am, sharing my life on social media and video. Constantly. Weird.

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

Sleeping. Because I’m secretly 80 years old. Don’t judge me.

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

No one. Because I don’t get drunk outside of definitely safe spaces. Because I’m paranoid af and, as we just discerned, do not trust people. 8: Are you close with your dad?Relatively, yeah! :D9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?Lol, nope, sadly not. Been a little while now, actually? When did I film that Q&A…? 11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?Water. Because I’d like to survive as a semi-healthy human being. And water is fucking good. 12: Do you like hickeys?Giving or receiving? Giving, fuck yes. Again, I’m a literal vampire who likes biting people far more than I should. Receiving. Ehhhhh. It’s a weird mix of, hey, I like the aesthetic of bruises and all that other pseudo-grunge bullshit and, hey, I don’t like the idea of other people having their physical mark on me. So. Yay. 13: What time do you go to bed?Fuck me, too late. I say as I try to get in bed between 9 pm and 11 pm because I have to be awake at 4:45 am to get ready for work and I know that I am constantly tired. It used to be closer to bewteen like 11 pm and 1 am in my college days and I fucking miss it because I used to be so much more productive, fuck. 14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

Kind of? Yeah, I feel like there are people that I have high hopes and expectations for and yet…they never seem to be able to live up to them. Because there’s a horrid mismatch between their goals and the steps they think they need to take to achieve them. Vague. I know. And yet. But at the same time, when there’s evidence to suggest I shouldn’t trust someone with certain things, I do tend to lower my expectations so they can’t let me down, so there’s that. 15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?Nope, not at all! I am very right handed. 16: Do you always answer your texts?hahaha, no, I’m the worst. I try to get to them within a certain amount of time. But like. I really am the worst with social interactions. I apologize in advance for being a shit human being. 17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?Nope. Because I have no idea who that would be. 20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?How many times have I now seen/watched Jack play Undertale and how the fuck does his screaming help me fall asleep?? 21: Is anyone else in the room with you?Not at the moment! 22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?Not in the karma kind of way; at least not really. Like, self-fulfilling prophecies, sure. You create your own expectations and then either that makes them happen or it makes you on the look out for it. But I do think if you behave a certain way, it’s bound to bite you in the ass. 23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?Not in the slightest. Four months ago fucking sucked, man. All of the family stuff going on + existential crises (literally, could not function, was so anxious) about school + do I/don’t I continue youtube, and all the world bullshit? Yeah, no. 2016? Was not a good time in my life. 25: In the past week, have you cried?I’m not even kidding, I was about a breath away from crying when I saw snow in Denmark. I’m emotional, okay. 26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?Currently? Surprisingly enough, navy blue. 27: Do people ever call you by your last name?Nope! Thankfully not! 28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?LMFAO probably. 29: Do you have a best friend?One best friend? Nah. Really close friends who I adore and appreciate. Absolutely. 30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?…yes because I’m secretly a very jealous and insecure person. 31: Who was your last call/text message from?@dreams–die–today!33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?Yup. 3 of the…4?? people. 34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?Um. Hm. twenty…six…? seven…..? we talked about it and I literally have the worst memory. Sorry. 35: How many more days until your birthday?191. Apparently. 36: Do you have any summer plans yet?Hopefully start a new job!! But we shall see!

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?Very much so. :) 38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?Not necessarily keeping things? Like. Not secrets really. They just never really came up? 39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?Anyone? Not that I can really think of? 40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?Nope, can’t say I have. 41: Do you think age matters in relationships?I mean, yes, to the extent of legality, consent, maturity, and power hierarchies. 42: Are you available?In…what…way? Emotionally? No? Schedule wise? There is nothing on my calendar for 10pm on a Tuesday night? 43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?Real, strong feelings in what way??? 44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?I spent my entire middle and high school life wanting lip piercings. Hardcore wannabe emo kid right here. 45: Do you believe exes can be friends?Absolutely. I think if things ended well and consensually and whatnot, you do you. :) 46: Do you regret anything?LMFAO YES. 47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?Literally too much. Should I be on YouTube, video ideas (anxiety v depression, inspiration v self-criticism, etc.), school, suicide prevention job opportunities, research, clinical work, social mishaps, etc. etc. etc. my mind is a joyous place to live. that’s a lie. 48: Did you ever lose a best friend?Not like…passing away kind of lose, but I have had best friends that I am no longer friends with. 49: Was your last kiss a mistake?Nah, I enjoyed myself. 50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?Because…I don’t actually want a relationship? Plus define like? Plus again, that social anxiety thing. 51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?I…don’t…think so?52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?Literally messaging them right now. 53: What was the last thing you ate?I had some green juice thing? Hello, yes I am from LA, how could you tell? 54: Did you get any compliments today?YES BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE ON TUMBLR MAKE MY HEART SING. 55: Where are you going on your next vacation?Las Vegas, I think? For Backstreet Boys! 56: Do you own anything from other countries?My brother just brought home wine from Israel, does that count? 57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?I think I have a pretty good/even mix of both! 58: Where have you lived most of your life?Los Angeles. Or the surrounding cities. For all my life. 59: When was the last time you took a long drive?Vegas, a few months ago. :) 60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?Once. I was in elementary school. Nothing happened. And then never again after that. 61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?Nope! That would be quite rude! 62: Who do you text the most?Lately?? I actually don’t know?? 63: What was the last movie you saw?Moonlight! 64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?The fact that they don’t exist?? 65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?….one? I think one? Was that 2011……? Fuck, I should ask. I literally don’t recall. 66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?Nope, they’re not! 67: Do you curse around your parents?Yes, because I literally cannot help it. Don’t let me around small children. 68: Are you happy with where you live?Sure, relatively. Especially lately since there’s been actual rain! 69: Picture of yourself?http://shaynainshambles.tumblr.com/tagged/my-face70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?I think both. Which is weird. I like the intimacy of monogamous relationships and I’m a very jealous person? But also like…I like open-ended relationships because intimacy with many people, please yes. 71: Have you ever been dumped?I actually have not. 73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?Um. Yes? Again, that 2/4 people being fwb thing. 74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?the other because I’m a socially awkward fucking mess. 75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?I like hair. Also collar bones. Also arms. Also smile and eyes. And everything. People are just very pretty. 76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?@dreams–die–today, I think?? 77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?Nope! 78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?Nope!! 79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?Jack-motherfucking-septiceye. You all. Literally, you all. getting asks and comments and building a community of human beings. helping people. psychology/inspiring mental health awareness and advocacy and integration. etc. etc. etc. 81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?I feel like that has happened more recently than ever before or ever imagined…82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?About never, actually? 83: Do you miss your last sweetie?Um….what? 84: Last time you slow danced with someone?lmfao 85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?I…think…so…? technically…? briefly??? Idk. I literally don’t know. 86: How can I win your heart?Oh, let me count the ways…figure it out ;p 87: What is your astrological sign?Leo! 88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?Sleeping…89: Do you cook?I mean, if I had to, I could learn, but nope. I can steam vegetables, I am set! 90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?Technically? I often do not talk to my “old flame” for months at a time, but that’s pretty much the usual for us. 92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?I really prefer the multiple close relationship thing. Idk, about dating. Dating is weird. But. Yeah, I think time and making sure you enjoy each other’s company is good before just like…committing.93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?I don’t really. I really am finding myself far more interested in people after I start getting to know them as human beings. Like, physical attraction is great and yes, absolutely a thing. but if I’m interested in them any more than something pretty, I get invested based who they are, etc.? The more you know. 94: Name four things that you wish you had!Money, self-confidence, a supportive and engaged community, the ability to be successfully mindful and productive when I want to be. 95: Are you a player?In what way……? 96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?I….don’t think I have? 97: Are you a tease?Tad bit. Maybe. yes. sorry not sorry. I kind of love it. It’s fun to be flirty and tease and shit, man. 98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?Not yet! 99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?Not like…happily ever after kind of idea of love. But I do deeply care about people. 100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?Absolutely. Ya’ll are fucking lovely. 101: Hugs or Kisses?Mmmmm. Do kisses with hugging involved count? 102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?Very much so. Hello. 103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?Hair. 104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?Can be? I think it’s just a term of endearment. Which I’ve started doing, so who am I to comment. 105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?No??? That’s not okay?? Unless there was consent from all parties involved being like…yes, I am aware and in full, enthusiastic support of this. 106: Do you flirt a lot?Hello, as I’ve said, flirting is my horrible way of connecting with people and stress relief. I’m sorry. If it does bother anyone at all or make them uncomfortable at any point, please do tell me and I will not do it. 107: Your last kiss?happened?? at some point?? 108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?Nope, have not. 109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?Yes? I think it was less than a month ago? 110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?@51centurywoman and/or @thelootqueen because ya’ll are fucking incredible ;p 111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?Uh. I have an assumption but who knows? 112: Does someone like you currently?Apparently?????????????????113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?I have many feelings for people constantly. 114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?Serious flings. 115: Ever made out with just a friend?Glowing endorsement for fwb currently, yes. 116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?I’m honestly not that reliant on relationship status? I really like having people i can have fun with and be intimate with and just like..enjoy and have them enjoy. that makes me beyond happy. 117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.Opening the floor to you folks: any other questions? also, what kind of content do you like to see/hear? Also, tell me something positive that happened to you today! Let’s take a moment to focus on the good. :)

#ask #Anonymous

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suchabeautifulbrokensmile · 7 years

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Day 21

My soul hurts. And I wish I was lying. Today was shitty, more shitty than usual. I thought that if I just ignored my weekend I was going to be fine. I’m still in denial that I binge and purge literally all 48 hours during the weekend. I just wanted to be happy, but that didn’t happen. I did have good moments, I laughed. I never laughed this much. I love the girls. I had a panic attack during recovery group but I was able to step out and calm myself down before it got out of control. I know it’s bad when my face goes numb, that’s when I know I need to get fresh air otherwise I will faint and I am not trying to go to the hospital anytime soon. I literally just finished some homework, not all of it. I’m exhausted. I have been doing homework since 7pm.

I gave the girls their bath bombs and omg thy were so happy I was so happy. I gave Christine one too, and omg I love her so much. She got so happy I just love to see the people around me happy. They deserve to be happy.

Today while I confessed to Christine about my shitty weekend, she told me I will be moving up to level two tomorrow, and I am very excited. Don’t get me wrong. I have been waiting for this moment for five weeks now. But knowing I get to find out how many calories I am on is giving me anxiety. That number is either going to make me or break me tomorrow. I just know it. The most I ate before this program was 200 calories. Unless I was binging but then I purged so I wasn’t concerned. I will not be able to do that tomorrow, or the day after, or after. And I’m excited to challenge myself I’m just afraid that I will fail. I’m very happy that it is a Tuesday and Krista will be there. Yoooo she’s the absolute best helping me in the kitchen. And of course I have Christine. I’m just happy to finally b able to trust people and know that I am not alone. They got my back I just have to speak up.

Tomorrow I get to see the psychiatrist and who knows how that’s going to go. Honestly, I don’t know. She is good reading m, not all the time, but most. Dude, I cannot lie in this place, I have tried and it eats me alive and I feel like shit so I always end up telling Christine everything. It’s so weird. That has never happened before, ever.

I told Krista how I was concerned about finding out the numbers, she reminded me that its exactly what I have been eating for the past four weeks. And I am okay. So I will be okay. I told her how I was dizzy and extremely thirsty and she said it was probably because I symptom all weekend. Which it makes sense, I’m just ind denial. I know I did it. I just don’t want to admit it. Admitting I to myself will mean letting Ed and Mia back in my life, back to controlling every thought and action and no. They were able to fool me this past weekend but now I’m fine again. And I will stay fine.

I am very nervous about tomorrow, I can’t even sleep. I haven’t stayed up this late since New Year’s Eve to b complexly honest. I mean I always wake up during the night but I always sleep during this hours, I don’t know man it’s weird af. I don’t want to say I have given up but I’m tired. I guess it’s the kind of tired sleep cannot fix.

#personal #depression #recovery #bulimia #ed

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mcrmadness · 5 years

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I think I’ve been alone for too long again as today seems to be one of those days when I just constantly ponder and question my motives with other people and wether I’m a good person or not, and I don’t know, if I’m or have ever been cabable of forming “normal, healthy” friendships with other people...

(I’m writing quite black and white here now, so if you’re reading, keep in mind that these are on a very very deep level of my thoughts and they might not literally mean what I say.)

What I mean is that I tend to get obsessed with people. And I don’t know if I do that because I like these people as friends or because talking to people is fun and I do that just because of myself rather than because I’d care about people. I feel like “friends” for me are just another form of hyperfixation. I don’t know if anything I feel is real or if it’s the same as when I obsess with video games or movie characters. Like... I don’t miss people ever? When I no longer talk with people I used to talk to, I do think about them a lot but I still don’t feel a thing? Or at least it’s like I get over it all super fast and move on. I still don’t stop thinking about them but it’s getting more of annoying and more like some intrusive thoughts that I can’t seem to get rid of. I just want those thoughts to stop because they’re just wasting my time.

But this is also so weird because at the same time, I my personality is just very... mixed. I’m basically a misanthrope but still I enjoy talking with people. I think I don’t form any bigger feelings nor emotions for people but I still somehow care about my friends and people around me. But what is it? How do I care about people? I’m not a psychopath because I’m highly empatheic and I feel compassion as well. Sometimes I think I would be psychopath probably if I wasn’t so highly sensitive. I always want to believe good about everyone but I still can’t trust anyone or anything and I don’t understand why people would genuinely want to be friendly towards me. It’s not so bad as it used to be when I still believed the standard was everyone hated me without even knowing me instead of the reality where it’s neutral at first. But sometimes I still get these thoughts about how people are my friends out of pity and they just don’t know how to tell me they don’t actually like me so they just keep talking to me or hanging out with me cos they don’t know how to get rid of me without hurting my feelings.

I’ve always been too kind, always putting other people’s needs before mine. But I don’t know if I’m a good person or if I do that only to feel like I was a good person. “Look at me I did a good thing!” I don’t know if I do this because I’m so highly empathetic and when I can cheer up someone, it also cheers up me. So am I doing that only to feel better because I can sense people’s moods and I feel sad if I sense sadness. So if I can remove the sadness, I no longer feel sadness either. I’m also like... if I have made a mistake I usually do admit it. But I don’t know if that’s also one of these “hey look I’m a good person I never lie!” Sometimes I feel like I have the need to “please” (e.g. doing a task without being asked to cos I know it will make them happy) people because it makes me feel like good again because I see their mood getting better and maybe makes me look like a nice person, but I also hate two-faced people and flattery and cannot stand these things. I’m either honest or say nothing but I avoid saying something else just to avoid arguments, because then I would no longer be honest. In a way, this could also be just the fact I grew up being bullied and hated at school and I was very lonely most of the time and maybe I’m now compensating for that. Making myself obsessively look like a good person so people would not hate me so much on main...

So are all my motives always nothing but selfish? I often feel like I don’t even deserve people around me cos I feel like I’m constantly just using everyone to boost my own mood basically. I feel bad for being a fan of a band and then doing nothing but obsessing over a ship. But I can’t help it. I literally cannot focus on anything else but that ship. I try not to do that but I just can’t stop. Cos the ship is again just because seeing all that is making me happy so I’m using even these people for my own selfish purposes and sometimes I hate it.

And about caring about people and friends... I really have no answers for this. I’ve always said that I don’t think I’m able to love humans. In any way. I talk about how I love animals or things etc. but I never ever use that word about humans - unless it’s something man-made with humans in it like a band or something like that, but here I also never mean the humans but I mean the music and stuff around that. Or when I love a movie, I don’t love the humans. But everything else about it. I also usually can’t reblog posts, even about my favorite band, that say something about the looks of or loving the people in that. Sometimes I have reblogged something about my fave band because I couldn’t understand German yet and now I regret those because now I understand them and there reads something that I don’t relate to and I wouldn’t reblog nowadays, even if I liked the photos or videos or gifs, but the text is just too much.

So I don’t know if I really care about people or what that is. I anyway don’t even let myself to “bond” with people. I start to back away immediately when that might happen. Usually. And sometimes I’m so excited that happens almost accidentally, and then I start to regret and start to back away cos I feel like I’m actually being just creepy af and not friendly. And... I don’t know. I’m too tired to think more than this. I just want to go to sleep as time has finally moved much enough so that I can sleep without waking up in the middle of the night.

But this definitely is a sign of that I’ve been with myself for waaaaay too long now. I talk to people but it’s different to talk with people just couple of times a day or once a week or every 2 weeks, when all of the other time I’m just here in my apartment all alone. And my mind never shuts down and just anything with stimuli will make me able to focus on thoughts and it this kind of shit^ all day long. I was just doing some jigsaw puzzles online to make the time pass and now I have somehow connected those with only ONE thing and that thing is spinning around in my head the whole time and it’s really annoying because I like jigsaw puzzles but I rather not think about the same thing EVERY F*ING TIME. Maybe I should write about it in my diary... no idea if it’d work tho. But I could always give it a try... idk.

#me #personal #asddddd am I selfish or am I selfish? :)))))))))))))))))#just stupid thoughts that I needed to get out somehow........................

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holdupnrollup · 7 years

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🍒LAST🍒 Last drink: Water Last phone call: My friend who I’m jamming with today. Last text message: Same friend. Last song you listened to: Sprog - Benal & Katinka (danish ya’ll) Last time I cried: i dunno like a week ago ish? 🍒HAVE YOU EVER🍒 Dated someone twice: Nope. Been cheated on: Nope. Kissed someone and regretted it: I mean... who hasn’t? Lost someone special: Yeh Been depressed: Yeh 🍒IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU🍒 Made a new friend: Yeeeeeeh!!!!! Fallen out of love: Yes Met someone who changed you: No. I change me, No one else has that power. Found out who your true friends were: Do you ever really know tho? Found out someone was talking about you: Nah. IF they did I was singing too loud to hear. FUCK THE HATERS! 🍒GENERAL🍒 How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: like... 5? Do you have any pets?: Nope. Do you want to change your name?: Nope. What time did you wake up this morning?: 7:40 am I was late. What were you doing last night?: smoking weed, lying in my bed, coughing and playing guitar. Not in that order. Name something you cannot wait for: Death. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeh, my brother’s girlfriend’s step-dad. What’s getting on your nerves right now?: Like nothing rn. Blood type: Don’t know. I was sick that day. Nickname: Johs, Joe, Jojo, Johandske, Hanna. Relationship status: Single AF Zodiac sign: Pisces Pronouns: She/her Favorite tv show: All of them tbh, Hair color: Naturally blonde, but it has been a lot of different colours, so now it’s like this weird red-ish, dark blonde shit. Do you have a crush on someoone: Nah, I’m trying not ot at least.

What do you like about yourself: I try to like everything, so all of it except on bad days.

🍒FIRSTS🍒 First surgery: Never had none. First piercing: My cooch. (lie) First sport you joined: Like none. First vacation: Switzerland. 🍒MORE GENERAL 🍒 Eating: Rn not a thing. Drinking: Rn not a thing either. I’m about to: shoot everyone at my school (jokes) Listening to: My teacher talking. She’s very nice, but I’m not interested. Want kids: Probs gonna adopt. Get married: Fuck yes, I’m a romantic sap. Career: I wanna be a music teacher at a boarding school... so yah... for like grownups. 🍒WHICH IS BETTER🍒 Lips or eyes: Eyes Hugs or kisses: Kisses Shorter or taller: Taller Older or younger: Older. Romantic or spontaneous: Both. Sensitive or loud: Both as well. 🍒 HAVE YOU EVER 🍒 Kissed a stranger: Yeeeh.... ws not enjoyable. Can not recommend. Drank hard liquor: of course I’m danish. Lost glasses/contacts: Nope. Sex on first date: Yeh. a little more enjoyable than kissing with a stranger tbh. Broken someone’s heart: Yeh. It’s necessary. Been arrested: Hahahhahah no. Turned someone down: Yup. :) Fallen for a friend: Yes, it turned out weird ad we’re not talking rn. 🍒 DO YOU BELIEVE 🍒 In yourself: Hell yeah. What else? Miracles: No.

Love at first sight: Yeh. Heaven: I mean the sky is real, and it’s very pretty, but the biblical heaven? No. Santa Claus: For sure.

#Cille #tagged #long post #don't care #DO IT IF YOU WANNA

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therisenson · 7 years

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07092017

Alright I’m going to do this because I need to process and reflect if I’m going to get through this. And also Jesus, I’m going to need some of Him, too. I see you, Lord. For anyone who takes the time to read/pray for me, I am truly so thankful for you. I'm not the best at sharing when I’m going through difficult times; I like to wait until everything is over so I can cheerfully praise the Lord and kind of gloat/boast over how I got out of it (and of course it’s never me who gets over it, it’s the Lord’s grace that carries me through it)...but I recently listened to a John Piper sermon where he goes over Psalm 42 (the “as a deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you” one) and points out that the psalmist doesn’t end with a resolution. He cries out to the Lord, in pain, in trouble - yet the psalmist doesn’t record that the Lord rescues him yet. He’s still in the midst of darkness and suffering - and it’s completely okay. Still, he is praising the Lord.

I really want to do the same.

I have a really hard time telling whether I’m depressed or not and I guess I’m going to need a professional’s opinion to gauge my mental well-being. I also sadly have this desire to be depressed (or more so - I hope whatever this is, is depression) because then at least I’d have some semblance of an excuse for how crappy I’ve been these past few weeks. Anyway, there has been this headache that has not given me relief, at any point in time, even with painkillers, for two weeks and two days. At first I thought I was just severely exhausted - thus I took a day off work to sleep (I swear this headache gets worse with excessive sleep...). Then I had that moment of paranoia where I thought I had a brain tumor. Then I reasoned it was allergies after a visit to my endo. And then finally a visit with my primary had me considering that it could possibly be depression and/or anxiety causing my headache (that coupled with a few online quizzes that all noted I was moderately to severely depressed but who can attest to the accuracy of online quizzes? I know they don’t equate to a medical diagnoses. Thus my wariness and confusion...but can you see how this makes me worry?)

Anyhow...how did my primary come to this conclusion? He simply asked if there was anything else going on and when I opened my mouth to answer, no words came out, only dry heaves...and then shortly after, shameful sobbing (mind you - in a room with the doctor, his medical scribe...and an intern...I have the worst luck). He mentions therapy - I tell him I actually just signed up the day before (with PRN) and he says we’ll see how that goes and to follow up in six weeks. He says, “you’re free to go sweetie,” and I make my way to the front desk so distraught and flustered that I decide I cannot wait for the person in front of me to check out/schedule the next appointment - I just bolt for the exit and desperately try to dry my eyes in the elevator. It sucks. My headache isn’t going to go away. There is nothing he can give me to take away the pressure in my head and more concerning - I feel there is nothing that can help me take away this building anxiety in my heart.

Nights are incredibly hard. I dread going to sleep. What is it about being alone in bed at night that makes us so vulnerable, so susceptible to all these anxious thoughts, so weak and desperate that we listen to Satan’s lies? But, what’s even more frustrating for me is I CANNOT TELL WHAT IN THE WORLD SETS ME OFF. I can’t figure out if there’s any triggers. I just go to bed, turn off the lights, and ten seconds later, my heart fills with sadness. With overwhelming, heart breaking sadness and then I can no longer lie down, I have to sit up because I cannot stand the pressure in my chest and suddenly I am heaving and sobbing and I cannot stop. I have to cry - anywhere from 20 minutes to a good hour before I exhaust myself and then I have to wait another 20 minutes to an hour to regain normal breathing patterns (my nose is way stuffed at this point) and not break down due to another panic attack. It absolutely sucks - it makes my headache ten times worse and I wake up super puffy and droopy eyed, utterly drained.

In the midst of my tears, I hardly have enough breathe to pray to the Lord. I can’t even think straight. The only thing I’m aware of is how much pain I’m in and how utterly helpless I feel. I am not sober minded. I am not in my right mind. If I can catch a moment of clear headedness, I try to pray. “Help me,” is my most uttered prayer - yet I feel the Lord doesn’t answer...ehhh let’s say 90% of the time. Sometimes, He gives me strength (I think? or I just get mad tired and can’t cry anymore). But, most of the time, He’s silent.

The mornings are better, sort of. I wake up tired but hopeful. The sun is out. I can leave my bed. I have people to see. But, then when I realize I have people to see, I start getting tired again. To give you a glimpse into the thoughts that ruin me: “Am I going to be able to interact with them as I normally do? Do I have the energy? Should I just not try too hard lest I burn myself out because Lord knows I do that A LOT? But, then what if I’m just being overdramatic and I really can handle it and then I’ll just bum others out unnecessarily? But, would I even be acting with love in my heart because if I do all things but have no love then it’s all for naught? But, just because I can’t do it from an abundant overflow of my heart I shouldn’t do it? Should I tell other people I need help (oh God, I want to scream to the world HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME) but what can they do? Do they even care enough to pray for me? Will they look at me differently or will they feel awkward around me? What would I do if someone told me they were sad...I’d prob say I’d pray for them, do it for a day and then never do it again and then feel super guilty when I see them...well no point in making them feel that way then. But, I seriously need help isn’t that what community/friends are for? Yeah, but how much faith do you have in them? (I guess little, huh) And O God...what if they feel really bad for me and just keep checking up on me because they feel bad...that’s pity that I actually would not enjoy it would make me feel extremely uncomfortable because wow it just makes a person feel real weak and like there’s something wrong with them, you know? I really feel so weird telling them and oh well as long as Jesus knows He’ll help me. But, what if Jesus will only help me if I be brave and tell people...? Does it even work that way? O my God, what in the world am I supposed to do I feel so stuck.” And thus I spiral into darker thoughts and I just am so done. I don’t know what to do anymore.

WELL. All that to say - God does give me moments of clear headedness. Church. Sermons. Fellowship. I taste little pockets of joy and it’s like the taste is duller but it’s there. It’s definitely there. I don’t want to lose the fight (as Julia was sharing today during service, with tears running down her face and voice quivering but dang she was courageous AF) so whenever I remember, I tell the Lord: “Help me. Strengthen me. Uplift me with your righteous right hand because I will lose unless you help me and I want to win, Lord, I want to win so bad. For your glory. For your glory.”

Things I have found that help me:

- exercise in the morning. It makes my head pound like MAD and I feel like utter death but one hour later, I feel the better for it.

- picking one or two things that I absolutely will commit to getting done that day and dragging myself out of my funk to do it and then mentally celebrating such little victory (ex: BUY GROCERIES WOMAN LEST YOU STARVE) because honestly it is so hard to do even the little things now.

- writing. picking up my pen and journal and pouring out my anxious thoughts on paper as if draining the ink in my pen will simultaneously drain the poisonous black thoughts in my heart.

- and hopefully therapy as of next next monday! excited to see how specifically christian counseling works.

I know Jesus is here in the midst of it all. Like Julia experienced - it is just very hard to hear His voice (if I could ever say I did...) and it is extremely hard to seek His voice. I’m honestly a little scared. I know thoughts can spiral and I’ve had suicidal thoughts before but I always reasoned that I’m extremely optimistic and determined to the core to be happy so I would never do anything to myself. Thoughts are thoughts. But, holy crap the fact that I tried to cut myself I feel like is very concerning and I know that I’m not in the best of places to gauge what mental state I’m at so I’m very scared of how I’m actually doing. What I do know is that I’m very arrogant and prideful and way too confident in my own abilities to handle things...thus probably why it’s come to this...this...ughhh whatever this is. Pastor would deem it the wilderness.

Anyhow...I guess this is a very not put together, not so silent but kind of veiled, cry for help. Internet...help me. (nono, it should be:) Jesus, help me.

Psalm 42:11

Why are you so downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

#faith #suffering #help #depression...?#anxiety #Jesus #Godisgood

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