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#this was... a lot
i-mybrunettelady · 1 year
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Just one mistake (is all it will take)
Summary: Smodur the Unflinching and Alysannyra Ainsaph have a difference of opinion. Renira wants to know more about it. Content warnings: Mentions and allusions to shooting. Spoilers: General spoilers for Icebrood Saga’s episode No Quarter. Title taken from Centuries by Fall out Boy. Also this is a long one.
It’s cold in Drizzlewood. Renira almost envies the charr, who have all the fur on their bodies to keep them warm; she has no such luxury so she has to rely on other means to preserve bodily warmth. It’s less than satisfactory sometimes, though. Sharp wind blows hair into her eyes, and she has to risk getting her fingers out of the hot press of her legs to nudge the thick, woolen coat tighter around her body. 
Yet today the Imperators have decided to convene and discuss strategy. As a Pact Commander, Renira has to attend. What gives her a little comfort is the fact that the rest of the humans find themselves in a similar predicament - Nyra’s pale cheeks are bright red from the cold, Kasmeer Meade sits stiffly on her chair and Logan Thackeray is the only one seemingly unfazed by the weather. Renira knows better, though. He’s shivering slightly as well. 
She settles more into her seat and her oversized coat. Words reach her ears, a diplomatic response from Crecia Stoneglow, and she wills herself to forget the fucking cold and focus on what’s being said. She doesn’t know if her superiors at the Order will require reports, but she needs all the things she can reasonably get to even work here.
“Wise information to remember,” Malice Swordshadow whispers in Renira’s ear. “It’s about troop numbers. One of my agents gave his report to Crecia two hours ago.” 
Renira feels her ears tingle hot under her hair. Her face betrays nothing. “They’ll be written down and given to us later as reports.” 
“Us spymasters need to help each other out when we can,” Malice says smoothly. “Your all-charr Whispers unit has given the Legions a lot of usable information, so I wanted to return the favor.” 
Renira smiles. That unit’s an idea she’s vaguely proud of, inspired by Laranthir’s Pale Reavers of the Maguuma campaign. “Much appreciated,” she replies. Malice certainly caught her drifting off for a minute, though, if the glint in her eye as she leans back is any indication. 
“That’s not going to work, Smodur!” Nyra’s voice booms, firm and unrelenting. Her face is tighter than usual, brows furrowed just that much more. “We’re lacking in proper manpower. If I’m seeing correctly, we’re lacking fifteen people for that little operation of yours. And how many people did you shoot last week?” The sound that leaves her is best described as an aborted breath of overflowing frustration. “Fift–” 
“They were defectors, Ainsaph, not just any soldiers!” Smodur says lazily, tapping a claw against the table. “I’m sure even young commanders understand that we don’t need traitors on our operations.”
Nyra breathes deeply. Renira’s eyes are trained on her, on the tension in her neck. She isn’t blinking, staring Smodur down like he isn’t around three and a half times her age and height. “Do not speak over me, Smodur,” she says. Her voice is colder than the sharp wind around them. “Do not interrupt me when I’m speaking and do not, for fuck’s everloving sake, patronize me.”
She then straightens her back and lifts her chin. “You shot fifteen people last week, Smodur. Reconsider not wasting manpower when we need every fucking head in this war!” 
“You’re not listening, Ainsaph. They turned their backs–” 
“Stop it, both of you!” Crecia yells and everyone almost cricks their neck to look at her. Smodur huffs and growls and Nyra’s eyes are harder than steel. Rytlock Brimstone, who’s been blessedly quiet next to her, leans down to grumble something into Nyra’s ear. “If you have any issues with each other, I’ll have to ask you to sort them out elsewhere. Here, we are a unified front and you’ll have to act like it.” 
“Nobody’s gonna hear us, Cre,” Rytlock says. “Especially not Ryland.” 
“He’s too busy doing other things,” Nyra adds, voice strained. “He’s not gonna pay attention to us here. Bangar won’t either. We’re certainly not louder than his ego. I should know. My ego’s as big as his.”
Renira shakes her head. Nyra’s statement would’ve been slightly amusing if it wasn’t for her stiff posture and the unblinking stare she keeps pointed at Smodur. She looks like a predator ready to strike, one bad word away from giving him a fist to the face, and Renira knows her well enough to say with certainty she would attack. 
She knows people like her. She’s sustained by ego, an idea of inherent self-importance that Renira’s seen in her since their first meeting back in Ebonhawke all those years ago. In another life, she may have been bitter about that fact, that Nyra could afford to have the sense of grandeur because of her high birth. To Renira, though, that’s a statement of fact. Alysannyra Ainsaph has brown hair and ego the size of Tyria and Elona combined. 
In no life, however, would she call that idea a delusion on Nyra's part. She knows what she’s capable of, she knows what she must do to satisfy it, she holds herself to impossibly high standards in achieving her goals. She wields it like a weapon and as a driving force. It is a source of power. 
It’s made her look a god in the eye, rise from the dead and pay him back double. 
Renira’s still a little hung up on rising from the dead, actually. Death’s always felt a little strange. Regardless of any of that, Nyra’s ego is a big, glowing spot in every room she’s in and Smodur’s just stepped on it carelessly, like he’s frolicking on a meadow. 
This is going to end in a murder attempt at some point. 
“We were talking about the new report on troop numbers,” Renira says conversationally. Kasmeer shoots her a grateful look. There’s a feather-light feel of magic and Nyra’s face loses all tension and remains as impassive as it usually is. 
“Yes,” she says, much calmer than a moment ago. “The new report on troop numbers. Crecia, the word is yours.” 
*** 
There’s meatloaf in her hands. A good meatloaf, all things considered - Tybalt would enjoy it, if that’s any indication of its quality. Renira’s always maintained that she has better tastes in food than her friend does, to which Tybalt’s first response would always be that not everyone can look at Queen Jennah’s feet when working. 
Renira likes shoes. It’s a weird luxury that Jennah can avoid them, but she’s not the one to judge such matters. In Drizzlewood, anyway, shoes are a must, as is strong, hearty food that can keep you fed for long watches and missions. 
She looks at the meat in her hands. The slice is big enough for both her and Nyra to share, a perfect opportunity to discuss whatever the fuck came to be in the Impretarors’ pavillion a few hours ago. 
She finds Nyra in her tent - a somewhat bigger than most, perks of being a commander on the field - seated on the bed. She’s rested her elbows on her knees and is rubbing her temples, hiding sighs of lingering frustration. Her hair, once in a tight braid, now falls messily over the furs on her shoulders. There are no torches, so the lingering source of light is the cool, icy shine from her crystalline weapon, Lightbringer, that she’s willed to form a lamp.
“I brought you food,” Renira says, certain Nyra’s heard her steps. 
“Soon, we’ll be fighting the Dominion with meatloafs,” Nyra replies. Renira bites down a chuckle. “I’m not complaining. It’s good meatloaf. Once we kick Bangar’s ass, though, I never want to see it again.” Ever the optimist, their Commander. 
“At least this one feeds you,” Renira shrugs. “I know many people who could not stand the bread they ate during the Zhaitan campaign.” 
“We don’t have a choice during a war,” Nyra lifts her head. Her eyes are muted and unreadable, yet her voice gives away the tiredness. “So they better get used to standing both the meatloaf and the bread. I’m a little hungry.”
Renia sits beside her on the bed and puts the plate between them. Nyra divides it and bites into her slice. “If you tell me we can’t choose allies either, I’m going to smack you.” 
“What you told Smodur–” 
“Was deserved. He needs to get called out more and if I need to be the one to do it, I will.” Nyra purses her lips. “I just don’t understand him. He’s wasteful. He doesn’t offer second chances. Nobody with a head for strategy will make them squad leaders or officers, or even leave them unsupervised, but he’s being.. Wasteful.” She lets out a long breath. “I said that already.” 
“So you support defectors, then?” Renira daintily bites into her own meal, licking her lips clean. It’s salty. “Traitors?” 
“Gods, no. We just disagree on what a defector is.” 
“Definition of a defector is very clear,” Renira says slowly. Without judgment. “Not all people are worth saving, Nyra.” 
Nyra frowns. Her lower lip pales with how harshly she’s biting into it. “I’m tired of losing people, Ren. They may be monsters and traitors and whatever else, but who’s to say we’re not, to them?” She kicks her foot. “War is ugly and unfair and brutal. They may have defected, but I don’t think they should have their personhood denied for it. We should be inspiring them to stay with us rather than scaring them into joining the other side!”
Other, rather than the enemy side. Renira would call them the enemy side, but Nyra’s always been the more sentimental one of the two. “So you agree with the shooting, as long as Smodur accepts them as people?”
“I don’t know,” Nyra says after a long pause. “I guess I’m just.. Upset about it. It distresses me, seeing prisoners and traitors killed. How do you look at that and still say you’re a good guy in the end?” Her eyes water slightly and she blinks it away. “He asked me to drop a bomb down a stuffed bunker. I chose to not say fuck you, no and did it anyway. I can say without a shadow of a doubt I am not a good guy. But guess what? Neither is he.” 
You’re better than most, Renira wants to say. She knows it won’t go anywhere. Nyra’s walls of guilt are too strong and impenetrable right now. 
“I’m afraid I’ll hear the rifles go off when I lay down, and think why I didn’t do anything,” Nyra continues. Her voice is wobbly. “I should’ve yelled, ordered, argued, anything, but instead, I just walked past like I’m some sort of powerless mouse and not…” She laughs bitterly and points at her chest. “Whatever the fuck I am right now.” 
“You couldn’t do anything,” Renira says gently and places a hand on Nyra’s. “They would have hurt you too.” 
“One of them asked for mercy,” Nyra whispers. “One was unrepentant, but the other asked for mercy. The rifles were louder than both.” She wipes her hand and rubs the tears off her cheeks. “I’ll remember the rifles when I go to sleep.” 
“Nyra–”
“Mercy, Renira, he asked for mercy and I didn’t do anything!” Nyra stands up and holds her hands near her face. They’re shaking. The burn marks on them are still harrowing to look at. 
Renira’s on her feet as well, towering over Nyra in what she hopes is a comforting shadow. “You may not have saved him,” she says softly, putting a steadying hand on her shoulder. Nyra’s cheeks are wet. “But you can save many more. I know it’s distressing, I know it’s overwhelming, but you shouldn’t try to save everyone at your own expense. He made a mistake and he paid for it.” She wraps an arm around her. Nyra digs her face in Renira’s neck. 
“He cried for mercy,” Nyra repeats. “He cried for mercy and was denied.” 
Charr Legions are not well known for their mercy. But that’s their business. Renira knows better than to questions as firmly established as the Legions, especially as their ally. Besides, it’s not like the Whispers’ conditioning is any different in that regard. But Nyra’s a different kind of beast altogether, half-way heroic, half-way self-serving. There’s no way she could fully understand. 
Renira doesn’t begrudge Smodur for doing this. But if she had to pick sides, she would immediately side with Nyra. 
“Then you make sure as few people as possible have to plead like this,” Renira says into Nyra’s hair. Nyra’s hands tenderly wrap around her waist. “Then you make sure the Legions are victorious. You, Crecia, Efram, Rytlock. Hell, even Logan and Kasmeer. You’re not alone, remember?” 
“I suppose I have to remember that,” Nyra whispers. There’s wetness on Renira’s neck. She presses a kiss to Nyra’s temple and doesn’t let go for a long time. 
The rifles do not go off that night. 
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sae-mian · 10 months
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What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it? Every minute and every hour, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more.
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
commission that's been DEVOURING my brain for @imyour-marigold, FINALLY complete (♡‿♡)
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Hello pls (if you want to) elaborate on your paper comparing minimalism vs. maximalism vs. hedonism I would love to know more?? That sounds like such a cool contrast?
Um. Okay I didn't expect this honestly! Alright, I'll try to put it down as well as I can.
So, it was a paper for my philosophy class. Basically what I wanted to check in it, was which one of those three is the prescription for the hard times we happen to live in (for context I'll say that I live in Poland, and the war in Ukraine is one of the biggest factors that contribute to the "hard times").
And basically the conclusions I come to were that:
a) on one hand living a minimalist lifestyle would be very efficient if push comes to shove and you need to quickly pack the absolute essentials and leave your home, aware of the fact that the next time you see it, it could be destroyed beyond recognition, with all the things you left behind
b) on the other hand it's clear, given the experiences of 2020, that sometimes when we're going through a lot but can't see our friends and loved ones in person, can't leave our houses as much as we'd like to, we might gravitate towards surrounding ourselves with stuff. Which, it might be impractical, but I figure that if you're having a ✨ less than ideal time ✨ , and having this or that thing would brighten your day just a little bit, isn't it worth it?
c) yes, that would contribute to capitalism, which is not good. But I do think that sometimes? It is okay.
d) also, what I find important is how the boom of e-shopping and deliveries back then affected people's psyche. In a world that suddenly felt scary and hopeless, with any far-fetched plans turned to nothing, and a complete collapse of the everyday routine we all got used to, we had to completely re-evaluate our lives, what makes us happy, whether we can replace it with something else, and whether that would be enough for us. Getting a lil package in such a state of mind gave people many people something to look forward to. I can say so from my own experience. Every single day of lockdown was exactly the same. Wake up, brush my teeth, eat, sit on the sofa, read, eat, watch something, go to sleep, repeat. Getting a package was a nice little thing that broke the greying routine, and I think it's nice.
e) plus, I think that yeah, it might be super sentimental to take nonessential things with you when you're on the run for example, but I do also think that having something with you that reminds you of better times and brings you comfort is priceless.
f) if I had to choose between "having" or "being", I would easily choose both if given the choice. I truly don't think any of us were put on this Earth to do just one of those. If we're here and now, why should we limit our existence if we can... not? I was to live long AND prosper, dammit! We weren't put on this Earth to be born, fuck shit up and die. Where's the pleasure? Where's the joy? Where's the beauty?
g) sometimes things are mostly just nice to look at, and that's okay
h) if however, we're talking places, what's important is that it's functional first. Then accessible. THEN aesthetically pleasing.
i) I referenced Plato by quoting one of his works: "The divine is beauty, wisdom, goodness, and the like; and by these the wing of the soul is nourished, and grows apace; but when fed upon evil and foulness and the opposite of good, wastes and falls away." I figured that if an ancient philosopher came to the conclusion that beauty is among the things that nourish the soul, then why should we, in our times, limit our exposure to it? Only surrounding ourselves with bare essentials? It makes no damn sense to me.
j) I think it's important to learn to stop and appreciate what we have right now, and learning to rest when we need to. If you see it as an indulgence, then by god let yourself indulge. You deserve a break right now. Stop hanging onto the weekend, summer vacation, the holidays etc. Try to learn to enjoy yourself right. now. You never know when your life is going to get turned on it's head. Better try and enjoy yourself while you're at it, no?
k) that was the hedonism part of my paper btw. if you even care (jk)
l) fuck doom scrolling. Recent years showed better than anything before how important it is to be mindful in what you let into your space, what kind of stuff you let affect you. A bit of self-care in this regard is also important. It might lead to you getting rid of some stuff, unfollowing some pages or cutting contact with some people you know, but in the long run it will be good for you.
m) most of all: take it easy. Trust yourself, because at the end of the day you're alone with your decisions, as well as the decisions people made for you. Of course, it goes without saying that sometimes life simply happens, and we can't possibly control everything. So, give yourself the space to feel all of your emotions, as well as express them, remembering however that your freedom ends when somebody else's freedom begins, but nonetheless learning to express all of our emotions in a safe way that doesn't hurt others is a very important life skill.
n) of course, as you can probably tell, I can't possibly tell you whether it's minimalism, maximalism or hedonism that is best to turn to during hard times. Only you can figure it out for yourself. And you can get there by asking yourself: what makes me feel best? Surrounding myself with stuff, or keeping the amount of my belongings to a minimum? Remember that the answer to this question will change with time, as you do, since you're a part of nature, and the only constant part of nature is change itself.
Yeah that was... Yeah! That's all! It's a lot, isn't it? 😅😅😅😅😅😅 But anyways, I hope it uhh, gave you a general idea of what... It was about??? Idk. Let me know what you think!
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verymuchablog42 · 1 year
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hey Maddie whats on ur mind??
hey noah!! i've been thinking a lot abt my hometown, recently
it's a total cliche, but being back here is genuinely so weird. i feel like i've changed so much, but this town is exactly the same. (it's so corny and cliche, but i guess these things are a cliche for a reason?)
like, i moved to a place where no one knew who i was. i made friends and did self exploration and developed new roots completely cut off from the town i've lived in since i was little. i chopped off my hair and got bangs and new clothes and changed just so much, but i come back and i see someone i know every time i leave the house. grocery shopping, picking my siblings up from school, pumping gas, eating out with my parents, taking the dog for a walk. (i'm not in a particularly small town, either, i guess i was just a "known figure" of my hometown??)
but it's weird because all of these people knew me when i was 15 or 9 or 17 or 12 in some capacity that wasn't entirely personal and true and when they see me out and about in town and ask me how college is and congratulate me, that's the person they're talking to. and it's this weird feeling of being so familiar with every part of this town and being painfully aware of the way its shaped me and the parts of me that have changed. it's like deja vu, in a sense. like, i know all of these places but at the same time it's different.
idk, that's been on my mind recently.
in this very moment, i'm thinking about what i should make the kids for dinner lol
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sirompp · 5 months
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hi. i made some images.
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feel free to take them and use for whatever you may need them for. no credit required
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vamprisms · 1 month
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i feel like a lot of the 'i hate kids' crowd would be more tolerant if they understood that due to a kid's limited experience of the world that 4 hour flight might just be the longest they've ever had to sit still for or that trapped finger might literally be the most pain they've ever felt in their short life or they might not have ever seen a person with pink hair ever so of course they want to touch it or nobody's told them yet that they can't run around the museum and they only just learned cheetahs are the fastest animals so of course they want to put that to the test. how were they supposed to know etc etc.
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butchfalin · 6 months
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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FINALLY some good fucking feature ideas from the tumblr devs. tamagotchi renaissance now
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fattylime · 11 months
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a study i did because i realized idk how to draw environments at all LMAO
a few people have asked, so this is a now a print <3
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cadaverkeys · 5 months
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You guys rlly don't realise how much knowledge is still not committed to the internet. I find books all the time with stuff that is impossible to find through a search engine- most people do not put their magnum opus research online for free and the more niche a skill is the less likely you are to have people who will leak those books online. (Nevermind all the books written prior to the internet that have knowledge that is not considered "relevant" enough to digitise).
Whenever people say that we r growing up with all the world's knowledge at our fingertips...it's not necessarily true. Is the amount of knowledge online potentially infinite? Yes. Is it all knowledge? No. You will be surprised at the niche things you can discover at a local archive or library.
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angelicgarnet · 5 months
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the way people online talk about autism is getting really weird, like do they know that neurotypicals still have interests? that someone being passionate about a hobby doesn't mean they're autistic? you guys know that right
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brightlotusmoon · 4 months
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not-spiders · 6 months
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here’s to all the weird little girls growing up into even weirder men
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brawnie · 2 months
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*grabbing mlm shippers by the shoulders* guys nobody needs to be the twink. nobody needs to be the sub. nobody needs to be the femboy. they can both be big fat hairy men who bask in each others masculinity or they can both be unspeakable monstrous creatures with inhuman genitalia it’s okay I’m holding your hand. Let me show you the way
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glorious-spoon · 3 months
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every genius who thinks mandatory two-factor authentication is a good idea should be forced to do tech support for a public library that serves a lot of elderly poor people
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rubyleaf · 3 months
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Honestly? My main piece of advice for writing well-rounded characters is to make them a little bit lame. No real living person is 100% cool and suave 100% of the time. Everyone's a little awkward sometimes, or gets too excited about something goofy, or has a silly fear, or laughs about stupid things. Being a bit of a loser is an incurable part of the human condition. Utilize that in your writing.
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