#this is not every trans experience but it is not an UNcommon trans experience. so this argument just doesnt hold water
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"trans people are only trans because of oppressive gender roles and if we just got rid of the gender roles nobody would be trans" might sound like a hot take, a thoughtful and compassionate take, but unfortunately it is ice cold and does not understand how being trans works at all. meet and talk to and listen to more trans people - preferably in real life - before making assertions like this, especially if you yourself are not trans.
#if this was true then explain to me why my friend is still a man even though his parents tried to raise him with as few#imposed gender roles as possible#every type of woman under the sun was thrust his way with the insistence that his sex was not a limitation#and a girl can be anything she wants and do and study anything she wants#he saw and appreciated all of that and at the end of the day his kid self was still like#'thats nice and i hear you but i'm growing up into a man. you cant fool me'#this is not every trans experience but it is not an UNcommon trans experience. so this argument just doesnt hold water#also if 'giving into your dysphoria' would have made you want to die#and accepting a gender that's in line w your bio sex makes you feel better#congratulations. you are cis#and therefore you do not get to speak to the trans experience#YOUR experience is valid. projecting your experience onto the trans community is wrong#it reads to me the same as someone who thought they were ace until they realized they weren't#concluding that therefore nobody is really ace and all ace people just *think* they are#and their hidden allosexuality can be 'cured' or jumpstarted by whatever set of circumstances triggered *your* sexuality#(knew someone irl exactly like this and it was deeply frustrating)#or thinking that gay people just need to meet the right person to be in a str8 relationship with bc YOU found someone like that#like no sorry...you're just bi#i could go on#i'm frustrated. i understand where this take comes from but it's really misinformed. you need to listen to trans ppl. start there
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Ok guys, after a lot of reasearch I have compiled a comprehensive list of what trans men and mascs are NOT allowed to do so we don't offend anyone
Here it is:
Transition
Not transition
Date queer men
Date non-queer men
Date queer women
Date non-queer women
Be attracted to men
Be attracted to women
Be feminine
Be masculine
Date trans people
Speak in general
Breath anywhere near a woman
Do anything
Do nothing
Be helpless
Be in queer spaces where there are women
Be in queer spaces where there are men
Have a vagina anywhere near a cis gay man
Be attractive to a terf
Be unattractive to a terf
Have top surgery
Not have top surgery
Consume mlm content
Consume wlm content
Consume wlw content
Headcanon characters as trans men/mascs
Give male characters vaginas
Have colored hair
Having a name that's too common
Having a name that's too uncommon
Be capable of menstruation
Be capable of carrying a birthing a child
Need an abortion
Remove your capability for menstruation and birth
Willingly have a child
Be childfree
Realize you are trans before puberty
Realize you are trans during puberty
Realize you are trans as an adult
Have long hair
Have short hair
Not throw away every feminine coded thing you own as soon as you realize you are trans
Go through corrective rape at the hands of a man
Go through corrective rape at the hands of a woman
Be oppreased
Experience transphobia
Claim afab people who lived long ago and lived their entire lives as men could have actually been trans
Claim you have any history before Tumblr
Take T
Not take T
Pass perfectly
Not pass perfectly
Claim the transphobia you experience is in some way connected to your masculinity and gender identity as a man or man aligned
Try to coin a term for the specific prejudice you experience
Claim that something someone who is not a trans man or masc said about trans men and mascs is wrong and correcting them
Claim that you have been, in any way, treated badly for your masculinity
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Screenshot:
Cool, cool, I guess I'm using you, as an intersex transneufemmasc gender nonconforming person who experiences transmisogyny, because you're such a pick me that OTHER TRANSMASCS EXPERIENCING TRANSMISOGYNY IS ABOUT YOU. I guess every single gnc AND gender conforming non-passing transmasc talking about having experienced transmisogyny is actually just fucking tokenizing you personally.
Oh, and "I'm so transmisogyny exempt that I was transmisogynistically attacked but it was misdirected and didn't hurt me (I can't admit it hurt me. I'll be attacked by my own community if I admit it hurt me. I'm not allowed to have feelings about this or I'm one of the bad ones. Being a man and expressing being upset at marginalization is (trans) misogynistic) like??? Hello???
You're so terrified of being wounded that you're taking knives already in you and twisting them around and around and around!
Like at best, you personally managed to shrug it off because of having a good support system (extremely uncommon for all trans people but especially groups struggling with erasure), having other identity privilege (in which case congrats on ignoring the lived realities of more marginalized transmascs than you), or whatever.
At worst, you're actively suppressing trauma or similar which is not healthy and in fact often leads to harmful and toxic behavior like???
I want to feel for this person, because I truly understand where the urge to do this comes from. You get told over and over and over that you are a nonmarginalized ally in your own community and you don't want to hurt the people you care about so you shove down all the pain so far that it cuts off the nerve and you become numb to it and you present yourself as a good little sacrificial lamb privileged man who knows his place and grovel for scraps from a tiny vocal minority of a community who are petty bullies who never grew out of their pick-me and mean-gender phases.
(Note, I'm only specifically targeting patterns of behavior with that statement, which is gender-neutral on purpose. Trans people of all genders are guilty of this shit.)
And listen, I know I'm an outlier as an intersex person, as someone who is both transfem and transmasc, as someone who is ambiguous in every sense of the word. But just fucking. LISTEN to people. People are the most reliable narrators on their own experiences with marginalization! Transfems are not the authority on what non-transfems experience, just as transmascs are not the authority on what non+transmascs experience!
CRIPES, it's almost as if marginalized people don't hold the sole knowledge and authority even of bigotry that primarily targets them! It's almost as if bigotry isn't neat and clean and is in fact based in, idk, NOT respecting people's actual identities?! It's almost as if the person bleeding at the end of the day is the target and victim of any kind of bigotry?!
Fuck, man. I'm tired of this shit. The disabled community in general does it. The neurodivergent community does it. The autism community does it. The ADHD community does it. The personality disorder community does it. The mobility disability community does it. The chronic illness community does it. The cognitive/intellectual disability community does it. The plural community does it. The traumagenic community does it. The endogenic community does it. The dissociative disorder community does it. The general queer community and general trans community does it. The transfem community does it. The transmasc community does it. The nonbinary community does it. The ace community does it. The aro community does it. The lesbian community does it. The gay community does it. On and on and on and on and ON.
Your identity makes you an authority on your own lived experiences. Your time in a community, if you listen and learn, can often make you at least a reasonably reliable authority on broader experiences within that community - though only if the community itself is diverse in terms of other identities, and you are aware of the privileges and marginalizations you hold and how they are intersectional, and make an effort to make space for people who are comparatively marginalized to you.
And as this post demonstrates, there's a reason for that paragraph of caveats. You will always have more authority to say "this marginalized identity DOES struggle with this" than "this marginalized identity DOESN'T struggle with this". Because the thing, is, the former is saying "at least some of us face this". The latter is saying "none of us do, and if anyone says they do they're either lying or their experiences don't count and are not worth mentioning". If you say "none of us face this (or if any of us do it doesn't matter)", you're probably not fucking listening.
Having a marginalized identity also doesn't make you a reliable authority on what other identities do or don't experience, are or aren't harmed by, what they can and can't reclaim, the levels of violence and hate they face, the struggles that directly result from their identity (so, not just ones that come from external bigotry), and so on.
I dunno. I face danger from both transmisogyny and transandromisia daily. I have actual physical traits that are demonized or otherwise used to abuse me in common with both trans men and trans women. Most of these occurred without hormonal or surgical treatment; those that were made more prominent or occurred due to gender affirming care also straddle that line. I live in a barely red-violet area in an increasingly fascist state. I'm profoundly disabled and am unable to move, for more reasons than just money alone at this point. I'm sick and getting sicker because of abusive and ableist doctors. I have no energy left to fight. I may never be able to receive treatment for my most severe disabilities because my specific manifestation of the combination of MCAS, POTS, chronic pain, and likely ME/CFS eliminates MOST treatment options for those and my other disabilities. I'm also fat, am dealing with ongoing severe trauma from multiple sources, and am considered as "mad" and "stupid" (cognitive disabilities) as I am considered "crippled". I live far below the poverty line supporting myself and my partner on a single SSI income and a tiny stipend - one which still reduces my SNAP benefits to $23 per MONTH.
Like, I'm fighting the intersection of a half dozen different marginalizations. I'm out here LIVING the theory you're arguing about. I don't have time for people "well ackshually"-ing my real, ongoing trauma and oppression. I don't have the energy to hold understanding and compassion for people actively feeding into erasure of that!
Oh, and aside from intersex people, AMAB transmascs who face transmisogyny exist, asshole (@ the screenshot). Not that assigned gender actually is a reliable indicator of whether or not someone experiences transmisogyny either, but since people like them typically mean "AFAB trans person" when they say transmasc and "AMAB trans person" when they say transfem, it's worth noting. But that IS, btw, what people mean when they say tma/tme reduces people to their genitals. At least, their infant genitalia. Because sure, maybe a few people acknowledge that bottom surgery exists or tokenize intersex people to defend their use of it. But in common use, "tma" is only ever extended to people who are AMAB (or "AMAB-adjacent" if intersex, which itself is massively intersexist) and "trans enough" (which usually means being a womanhood or "femme enough", and only begrudgingly allows even transfem butches, let alone AMAB nonbinary people, into the term).
That's without even getting into how, even if some trans people MAY be LESS LIKELY to experience transmisogyny, none are truly ever "exempt". None of us sicko genderfreaks (in cis people's eyes) will ever be safe from transmisogyny for as long as it still exists.
I'm just. Exhausted, y'know?
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so im transmasculine nonbinary and identify a lot with masculinity and butchness, im also over a year on T. i dont consider myself a woman at all, but i find that my attraction to women feels FAR more like being a lesbian than being straight. at the same time, i prefer not to label my sexuality because lesbian isnt a term i want to use, but i did use it when i was younger. is it weird that i still want to date queer women who ID as lesbians sometimes? it makes me feel predatory when im attracted to lesbians, like those cis guys who think they can "fix them," but its really not my intention to be gross.
nope that's not weird!
i really need to stress the amount of nonbinary & transmasculine people who feel this way, it's really not uncommon or weird! i know this website is heavily populated by terves but this is such a common part of the butch & lesbian experience that it's totally normal and SHOULD be accepted! it's okay if you want to use the term lesbian for yourself, and it's okay that you want to date people who identify as lesbians! there's nothing here stopping you from doing so!
again the overlap between transmasculine and lesbian identities is so strong, not every single transmasc person is a butch lesbian and not every single butch lesbian is transmasculine or a trans man, but the overlap is so high that it's totally normal for this to happen and it's a beautiful thing to embrace! you're not being predatory, you're just expressing the fact that your attraction is sapphic- sapphicism and lesbianism are not locked or tied to genders. nonbinary people especially may do whatever they please, but even male identifying people can in fact have these identities! nothing wrong with that!
hope that helps! good luck in figuring yourself out! it sounds like you know what you're about! go ahead and use what feels comfortable, you're not hurting anyone, especially if you inform wheover you'd like to date about how you identify up front- if they choose to date you, you're not being predatory, that is an agreed upon relationship! it's not predatory to want to date people you're attracted to. take care of yourself!
#asks#answers#transmasculine#transmasc#nonbinary#enby#butch#butch lesbian#sapphic#transmasc lesbian#transmasc butch#transmasculine lesbian#transmasculine butch#nonbinary butch#nonbinary lesbian
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It's a wild experience, having someone insult you to your face while expecting you to take it as a compliment.
I was a trans group meeting and made some comment off hand about having been a "weird autistic kid". And a guy interrupted that he was surprised I'm autistic because it's "so rare" for girls to have autism.
So I started to explain the whole 'its not really uncommon, girls are just as likely as boys to be autistic, just more likely to be misdiagnosed/ diagnosed late, etc. etc.'
And a woman who was there added on that actually the reason girls are diagnosed as much is because autism is only a "problem" for boys and for girls its a "superpower". And she knows because she's autistic and used to be an aba therapist, and she can transcribe music perfectly, even from a song she heard once, 30 years ago, she can transcribe the lyrics and every note for every instrument perfectly.
She went on to say that since I'm "like that" and don't have "anything special" about me it's prove that I'm "really trans" and was "meant to be a man".
Not even 5 minutes later she was saying that trans men aren't really men (but that's a compliment too, because trans men are actually good while "real men" are bad, and she's lucky she like women but it's "very unfortunate" that I like men and she feels bad for me)
#actuallyautistic#actually autistic#autism#autistic#autism spectrum disorder#also#maybe it is because im gay#but i just cant get behind the idea that men are like uniquely bad#i know too many good men for that
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Heat/Rut headcanons:
There are two "levels" of heat. Shallow heat is where the Omega is capable of functioning normally. Omegas in shallow heat tend to want their pack around them, for safety and bonding. Shallow heats are typically associated with packs gathering together to dote on the Omega. They are capable of caring for themselves, but it's very uncomfortable for them to be alone. Omegas in shallow heat CAN do things like go to work, but most places give Heat Leave (not giving heat leave is a red flag in most countries) typically the only Omegas who choose to work through Shallow Heat are Omegas who don't have a pack, so going to work would actually be more comfortable than being alone.
The other level is Deep Heat. this is the more traditional omegaverse heat. Head empty only breeding instinct. It is triggered by desire. If they are around an attractive person they feel safe with and they (sometimes subconsciously) think would make a great parent they trigger Deep Heat. They might be in Deep Heat for anywhere from an hour to three days. During this time, Omegas must be forced to eat and drink. Deep Heat can be counteracted by the presence of a related person, or any unpresented pup that they have a bond with. If a person is on Heat Suppressants, this is the type of heat they are suppressing, typically.
The most common type of suppressants acts as birth control as well, but it is possible to find some that suppress Deep Heat but doesn't prevent pregnancy (for some people Deep Heat may be triggering or they may have a disorder that causes Deep Heat to be dangerous, but they may still want to have children.) There are some suppressants that block Shallow Heat as well, but they aren't recommended for long term use. They seem to be most often prescribed for Assigned Omega At Birth trans dynamic individuals (though they are still recommended to come off them for a cycle or two every couple years for health reasons) but they were originally created for Omegas with certain health problems.
Heats vary from once every two months to every six months, and they last between 3-10 days. They can be triggered by certain medications, and possibly some foods, very rarely they may be triggered by the Rut of an Alpha but the reverse is way more common.
Ruts are also dependent on the Alpha's mindset, a healthy, secure Alpha who is happily mated will be clingy and jealous and constantly be scenting their Den and establishing boundaries. On the other end of the spectrum are Alphas who are SEVERELY unwell, becoming almost feral and very physically and potentially sexually aggressive. Alphas who go into the latter kind of Ruts can be very dangerous and it isn't uncommon for them to require rut suppressants and/or therapy to help in toning down the effects of their ruts.
Ruts typically happen on a similar frequency to heats (though typically somewhat more frequent) but they don't typically last as long (3-5 days is the average). When mated, it's extremely common (though not guaranteed) that Ruts and Heats would sync up (just ruts can also sync up but unlike with heats this only happens when mated. Heats sync up simply by living together).
In the case of both, fertility is much higher during Heat/Rut but it isn't unheard of to see pregnancy occuring outside of both (typically close to when they would occur).
Betas do not experience Heat or Rut as Omegas or Alphas do. Instead, Beta males have the ability to trigger ovulation in Beta females. (for non-Beta/Beta couples, ovulation can be stimulated with assistive devices designed for the purpose.)
#Omegaverse#alpha beta omega#omegaverse headcanons#alpha headcanons#beta headcanons#omega headcanons#omegaverse worldbuilding#a/b/o headcanon#a/b/o#heat headcanons#if you wanna know: Beta males have 'barbed' penises#that's what stimulates ovulation#so alphas or omegas in a relationship with a beta female need to wear a spiked sleeve to have children#or have medical assistance i suppose
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"Well, it's 100% official! I'm detransitioning! Just got the email from my college insurance provider. The first two years I was here they actually upped my estrogen to 8mg a day and gave me an aphrodisiac to keep my libido up, so I can stay super feminine and have the sex drive of a lot of cis girls at my sorority. My college offered to give me implants, encouraging me to go bigger than this, but I declined.... My poor cock shrunk to a couple inches. I was so happy with my results. I mean, it was pretty normal for me, I've been socially transitioning since I was a kid, went on blockers, all that. So I never really got to experience being a boy. Guess I have no choice now!
It's not uncommon for these community college insurance plans to change medication. My last roommate was put on Femruptarin.... I'll leave you to guess why she's not my current roommate! lol I got up a few days ago to fill my script, they said it was denied. I read my insurance update and it said I'm due for a doctor's visit. I needed approval for a new script. Like..... oh boy, I know where this is headed! Went to the doctor and got a new guy, he called me by male pronouns to his nurse, who giggled every time. He said my body desperately needs testosterone, and it's 'embarrassing' what my parents did to me. He said I need to join the frat house and clear up this mistake immediately that I was allowed to enroll as a girl. He told me I need to go on a high dose of T, steroids, AND dick growth pills, and to start hitting the gym so I can shed my ridiculous-looking, girly body. He gave me the usual spiel you hear trans girls say on TikTok, that I'm not a girl and I need to embrace being a guy. That I don't pass as a girl at all and it was very obvious I was male.....
I looked up the drugs he put me on and it's such a high dose of T and steroids it would turn anyone into a sex-crazed lunatic. At least I know what I'm getting myself into, I guess. Every TikTok I looked up about this stuff was some super gorgeous trans girl turning into a pea-brained muscled-up jock. Sitting around jerking off to porn all day, unable to say anything to girls except extremely inappropriate, perverted stuff. Looks like my poor girly brain will be warped into a guy that only thinks with his cock, unable to think or have any interests outside of fucking pretty college girls with big bellies full of kids and huge milky tits. I dunno, sounds kind of fun. I've been a girl since forever so this might be fun! Plus, it'll be nice to not be on the receiving end of getting my brains fucked out for once. I swear I can barely sit down some days in class these dudes fuck me so hard.....
So, wanna watch me shoot up my first T shot? I know you do. This is soooo exciting. I can't believe I'm actually getting detransed like all those girls you see online in those super hot before and afters! Well, maybe I was kind of hoping I'd get detransed, just a bit. Just hearing that doctor call me a confused boy with plastic-stuffed pecks was one of the biggest turn ons of my life. I just nodded and agreed with everything he said, blushing as he and the nurse made fun of me for pretending to be a girl. I've learned my lesson, I can't wait to savor this wonderful shot of T, then maybe hit the gym. I've got a lot of dumb, girly curves to burn off and lots of muscle to put on! Oooo, and guess what? My implants are getting removed this weekend. No more boobies, oh well! Not that I ever passed all that well, as the doctor the doctor reminded me! I'm just a delusional boy with implants stuffed in my pecks, not a girl in the slightest.... God, why does saying that make my cock so hard? Guess it proves his point. Mmmmm! Well, sit back and watch me as I shoot this T into my chubby, girly thigh..... In a few months nobody will ever know I lived as a girl for over a decade..... I bet no one will even believe me after I start taking all this stuff and bulking up. The fifteen inch cock will certainly help. ❤️"
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There ARE valid arguments to be made about "playersexuality," especially if a character is written/heavily implied to be gay/lesbian but given a straight romance. That specfic scenario isn't something I'll get into in depth right now to make this as brief as possible, but "it's ridiculous that every character is bisexual" is NOT one of those arguments. I saw it for Dragon Age 2, and I am annoyed but not surprised to see it for Baldur's Gate 3.
This will feature reclaimed use of the word queer. Tagged below, but thought it might be good to mention.
Dragon Age as a franchise is significantly less committed to queerness than BG3. Thedas was built, intentionally or otherwise, to be heteronormative and gender conforming. To a lesser extent than real life, in that same-sex attraction in Thedas is generally considered unremarkable, but oppression and othering of queer people in-universe DOES exist and it isn't hard to find. (The biggest examples: Dorian's experiences in the upper-class Imperium, the framing of Krem's trans-ness as uncommon or atypical). And DESPITE that, the bisexuality of DA2's main cast does not feel forced or ingenuine to me. The party doesn't remark on or make political statements about each other's sexuality. Sexuality is, at least to this group of people, entirely apolitical, and they all just happen to be a similar sort of queer.
PLEASE consider, then, a world built entirely void of the widespread social culture surrounding sexuality, as Baldur's Gate 3 has tried to create. Where bi or pansexuality is the "common" or "expected" orientation, or more appropriately, where the concept of orientation is absent entirely. This person just cares about personality in who they date, this one doesn't really want to date anybody, this one wants to be in a polycule, and those are all completely neutral positions to hold and inconsequential to their greater character as an individual.
In this world you could easily pluck a half dozen or so random people out from the millions and find that they all desire sex and/or intimacy with any gender equally. If there's no erasure of queerness, it follows that open queerness is more abundant. Sexuality is fluid and various as gender is fluid and various and neither are reflections of someone's personality or morals. Being gay doesn't make you effeminate because there's no preconceived notion that straightness is manly, etc etc.
That's all true in the real world of course, but the difference is that it feels like Larian has tried to craft their narrative around it being the cultural norm. YOU might think it'd be ridiculous for a half dozen random people to be bisexual, if you haven't spent the time in queer spaces to learn that there are gay people everywhere. Even if you have, and there are more queer people in your life than straight ones, you might think it'd be unlikely to pick 6-8ish random people on Earth and find that they're all specifically bi or pansexual. You may even be right, because all over the world there are restrictive dominating cultural narratives that alienate, suppress, and persecute queerness. BG3 doesn't take place on Earth, though, does it? So sit down and think about it for a minute, please.
Of course there'd still be variation. You'd find people that fit the definition of straight or gay or asexual, but there's no expectation of straightness. Sexuality simply is. If you're interested in somebody, either they're interested back or they're not. You find out, you move on. Githyanki even reproduce asexually, so they don't have any flimsy biological reason for straightness, though if you're resorting to "biology" to debate sexuality, you're too far down the pipeline to have read this far anyway. Lae'zel wants a warrior, not a man. You might happen to be both, but it's not your gender she's lusting over.
Also, bisexual men deserve to exist freely without you policing exactly how gay or straight they get to "act." And you aren't somehow less biphobic for invalidating them just because you yourself are gay, so don't think that absolves you. Yes this is about Astarion. He's a bit more overtly queer-coded than Gale or Wyll. He's not gay. Bisexual men are evidently only valid to you if they "act straight." Fuck off.
Gay people exist! Let's put that lukewarm take to rest now, please. If gay people live in a culture that allows them to exist, they exist in much greater abundance. Who would've thought? Left-handedness over time graph my love. The single greatest refutation to Straight People Whining.
Look, you can just say that you're jealous you aren't in an all-bisexual friend group. It's okay. All-bisexual friend groups are awesome.
#yup!! no follow-up notes#said what i had to say#oh and i'm left handed#i love bragging about it#and queer/bisexual obviously but i think you could tell#bg3 meta#da meta#baldurs gate meta#dragon age meta#queer#dragon age#baldurs gate 3#bg3#fandom critical
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There’s a piece of discourse I saw a few times a few years ago that boiled my blood, but it didn’t reach very far at the time so I didn’t want to draw more attention to it, but I’ve been seeing it again, which is:
A cis woman attacked in the bathroom for being assumed trans is NOT the victim of transmisogyny or transphobia because she’s not trans (not an uncommon piece of discourse), BUT any attempt she makes to distance herself from trans people, saying “I’m not trans/I’m female/I’m a woman/I’m AFAB” is the actual transmisogyny. So in a scenario where a woman is attacked, that’s not bigotry, but trying to protect herself is, because the distance “throws trans women under the bus.”
It angers me incredibly for a lot of reasons.
1. We have enough cis enemies without pretending someone who shares our experiences is committing violence against us for having experienced it.
2. The lines between gender nonconformity and transness is a blur! The existence of transphobic butches will always be ironic. Gnc folks who gender police are always also policing themselves! Because gnc people will always be targets of transphobia like any trans person is. We cannot convince every gnc person (or every trans person) of their shared struggle, but to shut the door on them entirely as outsiders ‘stealing the clout’ of obscene violence? Gross.
3. Have you never gone stealth when faced with physical violence? I’ve been cornered in the bathroom and I have no issue fighting and I still just dig into committing to passing as the gender that “belonged” in the bathroom. I avoided a fight by implying I was cis. I’m not. Why is that different than a cis person going the route that keeps them from being beaten and jailed and sexually assaulted? Is it different? Am I a traitor to us all for not saying proudly “yes I am a tranny” and martyring myself for it?
4. The idea that the “real” victim of a situation of violence is a hypothetical person from our community and not the very real person being beaten is…an appalling way to analyze oppression. There is nothing good about such violence, yet it can be a bridge to solidarity. I have faced violence for my transgressive gender. SHE has faced violence for her transgressive gender. How does that not make us kin?
edit: this has been sitting in my drafts since before Nex Benedict's murder. Nex was NOT a cis woman, but the dogshit takes by even other trans people has been making the rounds and I'm seeing this take AGAIN, twice sprouted in as many months.
How the fuck do you see our siblings dying as a chance to take potshots at each other and try to revoke trans cards and move the goalpost of who the "true" face of bigotry is? Deeply unreal
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I Think I Might Be Agender
I have some feelings about how I’m viewed in society. Shocker.
I do not like being put in a box.
When I am assumed to be a "cis man" by cis people, because I pass constantly as one, they make incorrect assumptions about my life, such as (white) male privilege or boyhood/manhood.
When I am viewed as a "trans man", both cis and trans people make assumptions about my body, but I am intersex, and I will never fit those expectations of my experiences with sex and gender.
Also, while the existence of“late bloomers” of a variety of ages isn’t a totally uncommon experience, many people will incorrectly assume I must have known I was trans from a young age, and I didn’t.
There was no assumption that something was “off” about my gender until I was 17. It hit me like lightning that I was not experiencing "some self-esteem issues", and that it was not normal for a person to be smothering every aspect of their gender through neutral clothing (hoodies, loose shirts, and jeans) or avoiding looking in the mirror as if it could turn me to stone.
Lastly, when I am viewed as "nonbinary", there are STILL assumptions being made about my gender presentation, that I must be someone who engages in visual gender nonconformity. In my opinion, the occasional usage of black eyeliner does not make me gender nonconforming overall, but I can understand how in an isolated moment, to cis people, it is viewed as such. My hair is also viewed this way by cis people—a former manager at my internship, 100% completely unaware of my transness, would misgender me as “she” behind my back due to my hair—though it being a curlier version of Kurt Cobain’s style seems… laughable, in my opinion, to call GNC, but I digress.
The main reason I chose the label of nonbinary was because I do not fit in with cis men or trans men due to being intersex, and now I'm realizing that I don't think I fit in with most nonbinary people, or at least the expectation set upon nonbinary people that they must be people whose presentations of themselves Do Not Conform To Gender.
My presentation could be viewed as similar to cis gay men, where being myself is viewed as “different” without any particular visual identifiers of queerness, but calling myself a gay man is not correct because I am not cis nor do I aim to mimic it through being a binary trans man.
So, I think a term like agender resonates with me. I’ve seen definitions of the identity include “the rejection of the concept of gender” and “feeling that gender is irrelevant”, so that’s why I think I might identify with it. I am not necessarily attempting to be genderless, because I do wish to be viewed as masculine and nothing but that, but I AM attempting to reject the “weight” of gendered expectations being thrust upon me because of gender. I want to acknowledge its irrelevance. Its meaninglessness.
I chose the name Apollo because of what the Apollo space missions represent to me: a sublime, romanticism of the universe that will always be outside of our reach. And I think that's what my gender feels like. Something that others project their ideals upon, but is inconceivably vast. Ultimately untouchable and unknowable.
Like how no one can know me and my gender as intimately as I know myself.
#agender#nonbinary#I have been having these Big Feelings for several months and I’m finally able to consolidate them into something#you are welcome to reblog—I am very curious to see the perspectives of other agender/nonbinary/labelless people#halfd3afgenderposts
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So David making the show gayer and listening to his collaborators... is a bad thing. Even if you weren't twisting his words, you're not making the point you think you are.
I did never say anything like that, what I sad is that the show was never supposed to be so queer in the beginning and that pretty much all of the queer details about the characters came from the queer actors. My conclusion was not “David Jenkins bad because he didn’t want to make a queer show”, my conclusion was “it is beautiful that these queer people poured their hearts into it and created something with a lot of meaning for other queer people”.
Yes I also used phrases like “we were never even supposed to have what we got” and “This show was NEVER supposed to give us beautiful things and treat it’s queer characters with “kindness”! It was NEVER supposed to be for queer people!”, implying that I personally felt like s2 made some choices that I, with my personal experience as a queer person was disappointed in (such as cutting all the poly scenes and killing of the older queer characters right after giving him a coming out arc, in doing so removing an actor who is very vocally supportive of trans people which I, as a trans person appreciate and used the opportunity on convention panels to talk about queer rights and removing the only of the three most central characters in s2 actually played by a queer person, etc.).
But that was just a tiny and implied undertone in an overwhelmingly positive post, in which I praise the cast of the show. And for the record, I DO think that it is great that DJ made these adjustments, I work in theater and occasionally in film and know that it is also not uncommon or bad to make changes as the project evolves and actors flesh out the roles more. I simply pointed out that he is not the one who originally had the ideas to make it this queer and that he originally didn’t plan to let the main queer love story end with a happy ending.
Firstly this is not a bad thing, there are a lot of shows out there that aren’t queer, no body is “required” to make queer shows. Secondly where the hell am I twisting his words, he LITERALLY said all of the things I listed as changes towards a more queer show himself and you can find all the interviews linked in the source I gave in my post!
Again the over all tone of my post was “oh my god, look what crazy info I stumbled upon and isn’t it fucking fantastic that these gorgeous queers have turned this regular show into something that means so much to us”. And that you manage to take that positive post and read something sooooo negative into it, just because someone dares to say that maybe David isn’t this amazing queer rights activist that some fans make him out to be and didn’t plan on making a revolutionary queer show, is honestly baffling to me.
I am also not “trying to make any point”, this is my personal block with barely 30 followers where I described my personal feelings towards factually true information and my personal feelings are:
I fucking love Vico, I fucking love Con, I fucking love Kristian (also Nathan and every queer person who worked on this behind the scenes) but I’m not gonna kiss David Jenkins feet for something that wasn’t even his idea, I don’t “owe” a cis straight guy who dosnt understand half of why the things his queer cast came up with are so important, gratitude. I gladly and freely extend a big fucking chunk of gratitude to queer actors who put their heart and soul into their queer roles way more then they are required to.
Hope this helps.
#the gentlebeardies are at it again#now you can’t even compliment the actors anymore without being a hater#ofmd season 2#ofmd drama#ofmd#ofmd s2#ofmd discourse#fandom culture#why the fuck is this fandom so toxic#why are you going into peoples post just to tell them they like the wrong things about a show#I don’t purposefully search for gentlebeard posts just to yell at them that actually Stizzy is way better#If you disagree with a take based on actual show facts argue about it in a polite way#If you dislike a take ignore/block and move on but don’t come at people screeching “you’re wrong/not making the point you think you make”#our flag means death#toxic fandom#ofmd 2#david jenkins
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im in the closet and so is my bi bff. im genderfluid/pan and sometimes we joke about coming out to our parents (mostly me) but doubt itll ever happen due to how religious it would be (sometimes i dream about it tho... maybe more than her idk) and hypothetically just think about cutting everyone off and flying out to avoid the backlash (just being silly) and the "interventions" of spiels of how gays go to hell and God wouldnt like That (i am still a christian... somewhat i think and its not uncommon in the spaces ive been to have gay/trans people in the church spaces something about Anglican churches etc, in my country. i just dont have the same exact beliefs as my parents)
sometimes i lie awake about the implications of coming out, the worst case scenario, how id probably no one to tell my achievements anymore, no one to be happy for me the way they had, no one to comfort me or be there when i get married etc. and i joked about how id just get up and leave and fuckall if i die alone to my friend even tho it fills me with loneliness and sadness ;w;
anyway um she suddenly took one of my jokes seriously one night and say to me that she'll probably never come out because she loves her parents too much and i just idk. felt hurt. did she think i didnt love them either? i think she didnt mean it that way and i cleared it out that i was just joking about my plans bcuz idk if i want to do it actually (tho i feel like its an inevitable canon plot point with every trans ppl atp) but i just think about it sometimes.
i love them but yk. i want to live.
maybe i wont actually cut them off as they try to process that but idk.
i dont think they'll like hurt me or anything but mentally and emotionally probably yes even if they probably mean well. i dont think i want to be in the closet forever?? idk im just sad about what she said ngl. and my future.
sorry just had to vent
i just dont think she gets how painful itd be to me. my parents and their extended family are Baptists. she has mostly catholic relatives (which in my experience from school and friends and gay teachers etc is more accepting ngl) and her dad is pretty accepting, having a brother who is gay and stuff. i dont wanna do a suffering olympics here but the more i think about forever in the closet the more i wanna puke lol
I have a religious family (Catholic), and I'm still religious as well. You wanting to come out to your family is not selfish or "proving you don't love them" in any way. You are who you are and you can't change that. You don't always have to rely on your family to get those feelings of achievement, love, happiness. You can make some friends who will basically become a second family, and they will be there to be happy for you and support you.
Catholics may be a bit more supportive than Baptists (idk I haven't met anyone who's Baptist), but they aren't super supportive (maybe that's just my family idk), but my family probably isn't the best example.
Anyway, you won't be stuck in the closet forever. Once you get old enough to move out, you aren't under your parents' rules anymore. If you ever need to vent some more, you can send me a message or an ask 💖
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Heyo! I'm an ex mormon trans gal who came across your blog and overall good for you for sticking to what you believe and being a sort of bridge for queer folk in the church, especially the kids!
I couldn't do it. I tried going back to the church after several years into hrt and my experience was horrid. Every week I was told to meet with the bishop and I was restricted more and more. I ended up being unable to use the woman's restroom (mens was fine though :|), go to relief society, or basically ever give talks/prepare lessons/speak during testimony.
The main thing that hurt the most is that everyone was really glad I was back while they were talking to me, but since I was going to a single's ward full of people I knew in my family ward growing up, everyone knew I was trans and I think people reported being uncomfortable with me being in 'female only' spaces. No one called me by my actual name and only one person ever called me Sister. Every restriction placed upon me was also supposedly coming from higher up as well. Stake presidency was involved, and iirc, my bishop said he wrote the big 12 and got answers back for what I was and wasn't allowed to do. Another horrible thing is that they wanted to set me up with church therapists (I already had a therapist and had been on hormones for years at this point) and counselors, and when I heard about that is when I dipped. I know conversion therapy isn't technically legal here, but I know that also doesn't stop church therapists from constantly berating you and basically telling you you're 'on the wrong path'.
Quite honestly it was hellish trying to walk the line of being a trans woman in the church. I think letting queer kids that are in the church having a way to find themselves is huge though and I'm so glad you're able to walk that line, so thank you. I hope me randomly sending this is okay, thought you might enjoy an ex-members perspective on what made her leave.
Wow, that's a lot, and unfortunately that is not uncommon. Thank you for sharing.
I want people to be happy, healthy, and whole, and it's a real shame it usually isn't possible for queer people inside the LDS Church.
My being in church is complicated. Sometimes it's lovely and other times I wonder if I can keep going, or even if I should.
I use this blog to write about my own thoughts, feelings and experiences as a queer Mormon. I also post things that are affirming of queer people. We need more affirmations in our lives to refute the rejecting messages we get from church and society.
I wish things were different at church, God loves everyone, God says we're all alike, God says we're to all be one and not treat each other differently based on gender, nationality, and so on. We're to treat others how we want to be treated. And yet, humans aren't so good at that.
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Hey, just saw a post with you having a convo about trans people, just wanted to say i hope you figure yourself out. You seem to have a lot going on in your head, and sincerely I hope you find peace with your identity
there is not "a lot going on in my head". what a condescending thing to say to someone you don't even know! i'm a woman with gender dysphoria. i don't have to "figure out" anything. i don't have to "identify" as anything. i am a woman, because i have a female body. that's all it means. that's all the word has to mean.
i lived as a trans man for more years than most trans activists on here have been old enough to go to school. i know what it's like. i went to pride parades, experienced transphobia, was violently hatecrimed, everything people who live as trans experience. i fed into the idea that i had to have a gender identity, that my dysphoria meant i had a male gender identity, that meant i had to change my body to match it. i did all of it.
it didn't help.
i don't know why that's so hard for you to believe, perhaps because it's not compatible with the statistics you show people about HRT. transition didn't help me, even when i was passing completely as male. and it's not just me, this isn't uncommon, i am not an outlier.
i learnt that being a woman means nothing other than having a female body. that i don't have to change my body or feel a certain way. practicing radical acceptance has helped my dysphoria more than testosterone ever did. yes, i don't want to be a woman, and that's okay. it doesn't make me a man.
most women do not feel like women. why do you think there's been such an influx of trans AFAB people compared to AMAB people since the trans movement gained traction in the late 2010s? many/most of us feel dehumanised, alienated, and like we're performing an act. not usually to the extent of experiencing gender dysphoria, but those feelings are present in almost every woman i know, as a result of living under the patriarchy.
the logical conclusion is the sentence: "i'm not a woman, i'm just a person". or "i don't care what gender people see me as, i'm [specific variety of nonbinary]." or "sometimes i feel more like a girl than other times... i guess i'm genderfluid!"
all of this stems from the idea that all women feel like women and are happy being women 100% of the time. it's not true. you've been fed a lie.
we need to rise up. we need to identify that we are oppressed on the basis of our female sex, that woman is a descriptor for a female person, that we need to join together and rise up instead of picking apart our feelings into new gender roles. women does not mean anything. woman means adult human female.
i'd say i'm pretty comfortable with my identity. thank you for your concern.
#lav.txt#asks#detransition#dysphoria#people saying i'm trans and in denial#(starting a tag for this)
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Ngl my mom is above and beyond in terms of being supportive of my transition. I don’t just mean supporting my decision to go on HRT, I mean helping me administer the dose this week when I was struggling to get myself to do so even though she gets a bit squeamish with it as well and taking the sharps to work (a clinical laboratory) to dispose of them. Both she and my dad got me some of the money (via birthday gift) to file my name change petition (filing fee is stupid expensive in our state). They helped me come up with a middle name too. To be fair they’ve had their personal concerns and feelings about it which we’ve discussed and resolved but tbh that’s not unhealthy and it’s not them overstepping/being unsupportive. I don’t mean to brag, I sincerely wish every trans person had parents as supportive as mine, I just wanted to share bc I think this community deserves to have a (realistic but encouraging) picture of what supportive looks like, and it’s not always going to be “do whatever you like”, sometimes it’s worry from a place of lacking understanding. Either way I’m very grateful for my parents and I’m not great at expressing that verbally to them but I hope that i can find a way to communicate it better. Also Tbf my dad is supportive too he just hasn’t done stuff like that bc he works a lot. I hope this didn’t come off as rude or offensive in any way btw
i think it's really great though that you have that, and i don't think you're bragging, i think you're just expressing how grateful you are for the support in a community where people are used to being hurt. you definitely have an uncommon experience, but i think that's why it should be shared, because it displays a window into what loving and supportive families of trans people can and should look like
i think that's wonderful that your mom is so supportive, and especially that she can help you with the medical side of your transition. that's huge and very important (also good that you're getting your sharps disposed of in a safe way), and idk i just think that' sweet that both of your parents want to help you get your name changed
i agree with you that i think every trans person deserves this, and i hope that after people see families like yours and that your family is loving and supporting you, that more people realize that it's not a bad or scary thing to love and support your trans child. you will only continue to grow and blossom into who you're mean to be with that kind of support, and that's beautiful. the entire community deserves it, you're right, but you deserve that, too. i'm really happy to hear that, stories like that are huge for our community =)
take care of yourself, i hope you're able to continue getting the support you need moving forward, and that you enjoy your journey as you become who you're meant to be. stay safe, i'm very glad to hear this
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I posted 67 times in 2022
50 posts created (75%)
17 posts reblogged (25%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@biandlesbianliterature
@sapphicbookclub
@lgbtqreads
@lesbrary
@shiraglassman
I tagged 50 of my posts in 2022
Only 25% of my posts had no tags
#queer books - 38 posts
#sapphic books - 34 posts
#lgbtq books - 33 posts
#reviews - 26 posts
#wlw books - 23 posts
#lesbian books - 15 posts
#sff - 12 posts
#author of color - 9 posts
#fantasy - 8 posts
#romance - 7 posts
Longest Tag: 30 characters
#getting the band back together
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
143 notes - Posted March 17, 2022
#4
Ryka Aoki’s Light from Uncommon Stars is one of the best books I read in 2021, and it is also one of the weirdest. It centers around three women: Shizuka Satomi (a violin teacher who made a deal with a devil and must deliver seven violin prodigies’ souls in order to save her own), Katrina Nguyen (a transgender teenage girl, wildly talented on the violin and deserving of so much more than she has been given), and Lan Tran (a retired interstellar space captain who runs a donut shop with her four children). When Shizuka discovers Katrina in a park, she immediately knows she has found her final soul, but Shizuka’s growing feelings for Lan may change her perspective on everything.
If you think that summary sounds like a roller coaster, wait until you read the book.
Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki was reviewed at the Lesbrary
155 notes - Posted January 15, 2022
#3
Would you believe that more than 26 sapphic books come out this month? It’s true! Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to find out which books have queer representation, or what kind of representation they have. So here’s a big list of bi and lesbian books out this month, sorted by genre.
26 Bi and Lesbian Books Out November 2022!
217 notes - Posted November 5, 2022
#2
If you want a teen romcom in an F/F YA book, this is the read for you!
It’s enemies to lovers and fake dating! It is very much like a teen romcom movie: the two of them get to know each other over their music choices on the drive. They have miscommunication. They both open up about their insecurities. Scottie realizes that, despite being hung up on her toxic ex, maybe the girl she’s been looking for has been right in front of her this whole time. There’s also the “only one bed” trope. They even discuss teen romcom movies!
I listened to this as an audiobook, and it was a quick, fun listening experience! It’s cute, and the ending is cathartic and sweet.
She Drives Me Crazy by Kelly Quindlen was reviewed at the Lesbrary
267 notes - Posted January 16, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
When I say I want sapphic romcoms, this is what I want. I want sapphic romcoms that pack an emotional punch. That present the diversity and the affinity of queer womanhood. That have queer women who call themselves queer with no explanation and bi women who have loved men. That have complex family dynamics that both are about queerness and absolutely are not. That feel like romance novels with romance tropes and everything that we love about romance and are at the same time fundamentally, intrinsically, profoundly, and lovingly queer. Romcoms that f*ck and also fall in love. Romcoms with real, wild emotions and feminism and humor on every page. Romcoms that were written for queer women about our own lives, to be enjoyed only secondarily by everyone else. When I say I want sapphic romcoms, I mean I want this book.
Delilah Green Doesn’t Care by Ashley Herring Blake was reviewed at the Lesbrary
275 notes - Posted March 2, 2022
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