#this is love and I know it im just scared even though they’ve done nothing wrong
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thinking abt how not a lot of ppl talk abt (or maybe they do and it’s me!! im the issue here i haven’t met them so if ur seeing this hmu!!) how tiring and downright cruel being in love can be for a person. maybe cruel is a strong word but it can be so very disturbing having to think abt a person all the time and I am by no means trying to say that being in love with someone is a- full time commitment and a job and it requires you to put in the hours and shi- but js the feeling part of it.
I canNOT be the only one thinking it’s not all that perfect and that when we go high we go high but when we go low we go so fucking low that im abt two millimetres from touching the ground after falling from a 80feet roller coaster drop.
And by lows i don’t mean the ups and downs however subjective this may be from person to person- i mean LOW like there’s nothing the other persons doing to make you feel this way but it’s js the act of being left in ur own company and being so sickeningly preoccupied w thoughts of them that it’s physically making you sick.
Not disgustingly sick just- sick. Like this is affecting me both mentally and physically. I’m not irked out by them im not disgusted but im just on edge??
I feel nauseous and distracted and disturbed bcs I cant stop thinking abt them and it’s leaving me restless and incapacitated to carry on w my day?? and suddenly I don’t feel like eating anymore im subconsciously skipping meals and consistently depending on what they have to say which is robbing me off my will to js be by myself??
Again they’ve done NOTHING wrong to cause this. I have never not felt deeply abt a situation. love doesn’t sound overwhelming to me love sounds dangerous. it’s taking “butterflies in my stomach” to another level and idk how I feel abt that
Being sexually fluid and shifting from being cupioromantic to being in a relationship with someone can be so frightening bcs now im supposed to do everything I’ve never done before
I have genuinely (in the least self pity way possible) been so devoid of romantic intimacy that I’ve never found myself in the position to experience it. And it’s not the inexperience that’s driving me mad it’s the fact that I’ve subconsciously rejected affection and the idea of being the object of attraction so much that it’s physically uncomfortable to be unknowingly doing things that I’d never do before.
I love them and I still want to be with them. They’re not the problem here but the aftermath of being in love is just not spoken about enough and MAYBE IM GOJNG NOWHERE W THIS
#lovecore#writing#heartcore#romantic academia#love#lgbtqia#asexual#cupioromantic#cupiosexual#love is so scary how does one do this#I quite literally feel sick to my stomach because im in love#no I do not mean this in a romantic way I am mentally exhausted and physically disturbed NOT because im disgusted#being devoid of affection or having subconsciously avoided it does not pay you well for when ur suddenly in a relationship#rant#vent#I love you but it’s so scary how you’ve consumed me or how I’ve consumed you#this is love and I know it im just scared even though they’ve done nothing wrong
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What does it mean if Katya is putting up her costumes on depop already, new costumes? Their tour ain't even finished yet.. admittedly it's only the leotard/skirt from NY and the final number.. but im too emotionally attached to this tour that I don't want any of it sold 🥺
Well, if you want to commiserate about the fact that Katya will literally touch a piece of fabric for one second and then immediately sell it on her Depop… You’ve come to the right place! It makes me so sad too. I know she loves to immediately clean out her closet to make space for the new and she’s always done this but still it stings a little. Normally I’d say get the bag sis go ahead and overcharge for the privilege to smell your smoke and sweat soaked garments but in this case (and actually all cases because I’m sad every time she’s does this) I’m like… is nothing scared?! Katya you don’t need the money please save something! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again but in 10 years time Trixie will have a whole museum dedicated to everything she ever wore and Katya will be living in the woods without a trace to remember her by.
But if it means anything? Besides the fact that she’s definitely not as attached as us lol… No I don’t think so. She’s selling the previous versions of costumes she’s since updated and she’s done that before. Also I don’t think there will be a lot of new changes or updates for the last couple of shows since there’s only 11 left. You never know though! But it is sad that she’ll sell stuff she and Andrew/Astor Yang have made as well as pieces from drag and costume designers like Marco Marco/Dallas Coulter/Amie Sarazan… these are all very talked people and I want their work appreciated by all… but I don’t necessarily believe that means a resale is needed. The only perk is that we now know more about the clothes like the fact that she has at least two leotard versions (makes sense it’s good to have a backup). But all of this does give me an excuse to talk about the changes in the costumes she’s sold so far…
During the first leg of T&K live for the NY/NY number their dresses/leotards were a brighter pink/red sequined fabric but more high cut around the legs and they complained about it during the live pod in Austin (you can see their shapewear and after the skirt reveals they were always adjusting their outfits like it was uncomfortable) so it makes sense they updated those. The newer versions are more full coverage around the legs and are lined around the neckline. I will say I don’t like the almost silvery sheen to the sequin fabric they used this time because the dress colors look more muted? But maybe it was just what they had available. Just in my opinion the originals captured the light better in photos.
For the closing Chicago number they added the fringe to the bodysuit and gloves. 10/10 improvement. Turned cute leotards into flapper fringe mini dresses perfect for dancing. No notes.
Now for the robes they went from sequins to shiny and I think they look sleeker and more distinctive from all the other shades of red and pink they’ve previously used in the show. A+++.
The iconic Cекси outfit… loved the upgrade from the first leg to what she wore in AUS/NZ but this final version is the perfect combo of the original outfit and the more sexy update. Plus it fits better and she can move around in it more. All excellent choices here but they settled on the best for sure.
So while I’m sad about all of these original costumes being sold I don’t thing there’s anything deeper going on here besides it’s definitely ending and she’s definitely not saving anything despite all of us definitely wishing that was not the case!
If anyone has their eye on anything, especially the updated versions of the costumes, save up now and turn those notifications on because there’s a 99% chance she’ll sell them one day. Honestly there’s a lot I would be tempted to buy because I love literally everything she wears but I’d rather shes hang onto it in the off chance she wears it again. Maybe once this tour is all said and done I’ll do a full T&K Live costume retrospective and then a follow up with an in memoriam post once she inevitably sells everything…
#so sorry I’m just getting to this now!#I’ve been offline for like 3 days#blame 2023 so far#but thank you for the excuse to talk about this lol#omggggg I’m SO wordy
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Dear Covey,
Haven’t been online in a couple days (legit only been on my phone for texting my dad and a few friends) but I just caught myself up on all the writing you’ve done!
i love love loveddddd the Frank fic from like 2 days ago!! I love reading domestic fics/headcanons they just scratch my brain in a special way. Also love a bit of Frank he’s my boy 🫶🫶
I’m also in love with Jason and vlogging Persephone reader cause even though Frank is my boy Jason is 🔛🔝 (Maybe of me we will never know 🤭) the whole Persephone and hades vows thing was making me tear up a bit (doesn’t take much but y’know-)
My chest port’s been really temperamental and I’m raging cause my friend’s having a swim party and she invited me and I can go but I can’t swim with this fucking thing in (not very happy if you can’t tell) + I had an infection in it (it was minor and we got it pretty much under control within a few days don’t worry!!) so my dad’s on total scare mode. Just realising this is a total 180 from my last letter that was just me saying nothing had been going on so I probably jinxed it!!
Anyway, how’s your few days been? I hope they’ve been good and full of fun!! I forgot to ask you whenever my last letter was how your Spanish homework was?? I saw it got moved to the next day but I hope it wasn’t as bad!
Also I 100% agree that saying the pledge to a stripy piece of fabric is so weird especially in school 😭
Lots of love,
🎞️ <3
-re reading this is making me realise I use brackets too much so I’m so sorry for that and I have yapped so much in this letter 😭
HIIIII FILM ROLL ANON!!!
im glad you enjoyed everything and got all caught up!!
but, also, i hope your health get's better!! i really don't have any experience with chest ports but that sounds like a lot!! i hope you still have fun at your friends even if you couldn't swim!!
my days been pretty chill. just getting ready for my trip and ignoring my spanish hw. me and my momma talked about me dropping the class, so maybe my life can improve significantly lmao but idk yet
ALL DA LOVE
covey wovey frfr
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massive train of thought, just need to get it out:
i still don’t know what to do about work like everything has a pro and a con i want to work in my department so bad but if that means the next two weeks are gonna effect my mental heath that much its not worth it not only is there no way of knowing if ill be kept on the tema after the season i still don’t know when ill be moving i don’t understand why there are no jobs hiring that need my skill set i thought no one wanted to work so where the fuck are the job applications huh this all feels like a punch in the face i am a good worker i love organizing but for some reason these jobs knowing that keep taking me out of positions i they’ve in only to put me in a spot where i don’t do well so it stresses me out i am in such a life shift right now but i feel like im stuck in the past living in the house i did in high school and working a job i took during my first gap year i keep leaving but then i get scared and go right back to what i know i love upstate new york but i can’t stay here any longer i feel like every day is the same the only days i feel like things are different or could change is when im out of town or super high i just don’t get anything right now i need to start working towards my career but working 33 hours a week is not giving me enough time to do this the only time i feel like myself is when i have artistic things going on which is why i work in the makeup store in the first place i know no one wants to work a meaningless job but i can’t mentally make myself do this i have to get that stupid degree even though god i don’t want to go back to college moving to vegas and studying there sounds so scary but i need to do something anywhere i really want to study is out of reach due to money i wish i didn’t worry about it so much my mom is telling me she would rather me work on my art and volunteer before i leave but then i have no money to create the art or go anywhere or do anything looking for a job seems useless because no one in walking distance is hiring i still can’t drive an di can’t even start to learn until i move because its snowing here and im already so scared to drive i really don’t think ice will make me feel better i wish i could have done so many things differently so many things i did could have been prevented if i just grew the fuck up i fully think this all leads back to me not being in the same mind set as my peers i haven’t had my first kiss i hadn’t smoked weed until i was twenty one i didn’t party until i was 21 and i feel so behind i feel like im still in high school it wasn’t even covid like so many other people i was in college when covid hit and the fall semester of 2020 i was fully in person i don’t know what to do to fix this i know i need to see someone but i can’t get into a therapist or anything the only way to get pushed up on a waitlist is to go to the hospital but i am trying to avoid that at all costs i literally don’t know what to do i feel like leaving this job on such bad terms is self destructive but i can’t keep doing this i dropped out in september because of a mental breakdown and everyone in my family is acting like that didn’t happen like im being dramatic now i can’t physical tell them what is going on in my head because dear lord i hate crying and being vulnerable its gross to me and makes me want to puke i just feel so lost i need to start over every time i say that someone says you go everywhere with yourself and like i get that but i need a new environment i can’t keep feeling like this forever or forever isn’t gonna be very long i might be delusional but i dint think i want that much out of life all i want is a tiny one bedroom aparentemente with my dog a job in the field im studying and a car so i can travel and see new things that is so much less than what the stupid american dream promised i truly feel like none of that will ever happen when i see the future its black there is nothing there i dont see a way to get out of this and i have no way of getting the resources to see a way out of this im not even gonna lie if i didn’t like my family
and if i didn’t have my dog i would not even be writing this but i feel so trapped i don’t know what to do i feel like im always letting people down because i know what i can do i know what i want to do and i feel like no one sees my vision i had originally wanted to use social media to work my way up but i’ve grown to hate it i’ve grown to despise tik tok and the constant shelling out for products the ramped consumerism its all making me sick i dont want to have to promot myself online what even happened to hanging up posters for shows what happened to word of mouth what happened to small bands playing local places its a thing that has been pushed out of small towns and now its only in the cities as much as i love my small town life i can’t do this i need community maybe that’s what im having an issue with outside of school i have no one i am alone i can’t get to anywhere my friends are like i could in nyc or both portlands that’s why im trying to head to vegas start new they have a growing punk scene and a weird amount of goths i feel like im always between things i feel like i can’t build a commingle here because i dont see a life for myself here i want to go somewhere where i can grow with a community why would i build a name for myself somewhere and then leave that’s where im at god im just so sick of everything and how everything works the theme of this is that im confused and i dont know what to do i feel so lost so alone and i am making myself sick with all of this shit when i was little i wanted to be a pop star because i knew i was already an artist i want to be creative i want to show the world i can do anything i can be the next great but i dont see a world where that type of figure exists i know now success is easier to get but stars are gone anyone can be famous in a corner i feel like no one is gonna have lasting power too much over saturation of a market so much nostalgia bait god i just want it to stop i want to the world to stop for five fucking seconds so we can catch up fuck covid fuck working fuck having no rights i just dont understand anything i want to learn i want to succeed but it feels so out of reach nothing seems possible i dont understand how people my age have degrees have kids whats so wrong with me that i can’t get there why am i the one having issues did being poor not hinder me enough there are so many what ifs that could lead me to never being able to support myself so many things can be pulled out from under me fuck im so fucking lost i have to quit that job i have to put everything i can into my art but how will i support myself until i move how will i have money for the move what am i gonna do i want to cry saving money isn’t something poor people get to do its just not i want to bash my head against a wall until it all stops i can eat i feel so sick all i want to do is to disappear for this go away fro a while and come back when things feel more hopeful when things feel light again no matter what i am in new york until february and i dont know what to do to make the most of this maybe i do need to take the time to not work but that puts such a burden on everyone im gonna delete instagram from my phone like i did with tiktok and try to focus on doing what i want with less outside  influences FUCK as im deleting it i see someone who went to a school i dropped out of photographed lana damnit i know they aren’t my age but like come on i just feel so stuck so trapped in an echo chamber everyone i know agrees with me which i get and i appraise but fuck we all need a back bone im gonna delete my youtube make a new one seek out new stuff im just so over this i need to clean out everything i can start as new as i can now delete emails re edit my pinterest boards go thought who im following and unfollow people i need to make this clean and correct and what i want god what the hell im just so ahhhhhhhhhh maybe i will go on to be a famous photographer maybe ill become a teacher maybe ill go into tattooing maybe ill be a curator maybe ill own a little record store maybe ill go to beauty
school maybe at school i’ll find my twin flame not in the cult way by the way and my whole life will change maybe maybe maybe i just dont know okay let me just write what i WANT to do as of this moment i want to work on my art and move out west the only reason i want to stay at my job is because i like my department and the people i work with also money is nice but i can always apply to makeup store in vegas once i learn how to drive i think of everything as per in it even though nothing is minus my tattoos still waiting to regret one when i get to vegas i wont be able to bring my dog for a little which really hurts especially because she is sleeping so cute next to me i have had to leave her for a coupes months before and i know she loves my mom and grandma but i know she misses me when i have to leave god it makes me feel like shit but ill look for a job in waking distance from my aunts place and if i can’t find one ill have to take the scary bus but who knows i’ll work PART TIME not this 33 hours a week that is more than i was in school in nyc that is not part time to me and ill see if my aunt will tech me to drive and once im a little better behind the wheel we can get me a driving teacher from there i will stay in vegas for six months to become a nevada citizen and the go to unlv for fine arts i want to be in school i want to learn i want this degree because the more im forced into the real world the more i learn that in order to be taken seriously you need a degree hopefully my grandparents or mom will move out there like planned and i can pay rent to them them so i can have a stable place and be able to have my dog with that ill start saving for a car and then my own place if my other family doesn’t join i want to work on getting into the vegas scene not only art but music i can start shooting underground shows like i did in new york im sure someone in vegas needs weird photography maybe i could get a job photographing at some tourist trap or wedding chapel i could find someone to learn to tattoo under or maybe someone will take me on as a photo appurtenance god i need to work on my art i haven’t had a single good shoot idea since starting my job im just so focused on what i could do at work what is there to tidy and what new products feel like i want to work somewhere that i dont dream about somewhere that doesn’t cause me so much stress that it makes me physically sick but i feel like im letting down my meager there she has been begging for me to come back since i had to quit to go to school this whole thing has made me so fucking upset i mean of course im writing this install long nonsense piece on my tumblr blog in the year 2023 like of course im upset i just dont know what’s left i have such big dreams but at the same time i feel like those dreams are wasted and i dont have time to do anything im sick of doom and gloom i want to be happy i want to feel normal i want to be just like other girls i want to fall in love i want a home i want a fulfilling job i want the life i know i deserve.
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Breathless | Doc Ock
Summary: After the bonfire, you and Otto head back down to your apartment, and things start moving in your relationship.
A/N: ITS HERE!!! and as an english major im going to work my skills to dance the hell around any smutty details bc im not writing smut in detailed form as others, who are better at it and are not me bc i get embarrassed at anything--literally in my classes i answer a question correctly and my face gets red like huh??? so yeah but i also want to try my hand at how i can make the implied idea good enough for others to read it sooo here’s an implied chapter of something that happens. warnings: implied activity that shall not be read by the eyes of younglings
The Single Word Series
Your heart had been racing before anything had even happened.
Before he was going to see everything you hated about yourself. Before it even got to that.
You thought you were going to vomit--which would’ve been embarrassing and not so great a story to tell when you were doing this for the first time.
And yeah, the very first time.
You had read books, seen movies, but even then with the movies you still looked away because it still felt so private, so intimate. You thought you’d never have anything like that, and so you feared intimacy and love when it grew that deep.
If there was one thing you knew for sure, is that you didn’t need to worry too much since you had Otto.
You really had nothing to worry about since it was with him.
He was sweet, kind, understanding. He understood your fear. You thought that there was no one else in the world who could know you better, who could understand you as well as him.
He looked like he was holding a lot of confidence for this moment, but he told you he was just as nervous, and you both had laughed. Being able to laugh while you were shaking all over at the mere thought of it all eased you, but you still shook.
It’s scary, no one can deny that. Who isn’t scared for when something like this happens? You wonder if you were going to be decent at it, though you held zero experience. You’ve heard people say it’s easy the first time--how the hell do you know you’re good at something the very first time you try it? You’ve heard people say it’s all trial and error--but what if there are too many trials and all you do is end up with more errors? They say taking a few shots loosens you up--but you wanted to remember it and not be under the influence of anything. People say it hurts or it feels good--are you overthinking your pain right now or just terrified?
And you were allowed to fear some of the thoughts and stories you’ve heard of from you experience as a nurse from you ER shifts--ugh! God, some were so bad, but you took mental notes from those patients to never do what they did--some were just downright weird. But, they’ve done it, and you haven’t, which is why you always felt a little jealous and inferior.
Now, all you felt was inferior, and unprepared and uneasy even though you wanted this to happen.
You started feeling better as Otto talked to you. You felt better when he kissed your cheek, his arms engulfing you in a big hug. The candles didn’t give the ambiance of sexiness, and you felt like every gross thing but sexy. But that didn’t matter, because the man you were with, thought the whole world of you.
Let’s put it this way: you’ve slept with him, but never slept with him. You’ve laid next to him, heard his breathing, his soft snores and his mumbled muttering when he was having a bad dream. You were close to him, but never this close.
And he knew you were nervous, and he allowed you to shake in his arms, skin touching skin, warm and jittery. Excited.
Happy.
Shivering.
Terrified.
Soft.
Breathless.
You realize that love means a lot of things: you can be scared and excited, shivering and soft, terrified and breathless. Utterly, breathless.
#doc ock#doc oct#doctor otto octavius#otto octavius#dr otto octavius#otto octavius x you#otto octavius x reader#doc ock x reader#doc ock x you#spiderman#spiderman nwh#spiderman no way home#peter parker#the single word series
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hiii, this might seem weird but do u have any head cannons for when the reader is pregnant and how the Darkling would react?
a/n love this concept,, it's not weird at all!! i feel like there's so much here!! also i leave for college this month and im lowkey starting to freak out so ive been watching star wars movies for comfort 😭and now i have half a mind to write for them, especially the prequels (cough, cough,, anakin) 😭 😭 that should tell you where i am mentally
anyways lets get into the headcanons:))
--
- okay so like most of my headcanons, this is probably going to be all over the place bc i feel like so many different things could change how he would react. Like if the darkling x reader have been trying to get pregnant, or an unplanned pregnancy with someone he really likes, i also think whether or not the reader is a grisha affects his reaction too
- in general though, i think he'd lowkey have a breeding kink he'd def find something about the thought of you having his child really attractive bc for one thing, he wouldn't have to worry about being left alone and now he has an excuse to be a real 'protector'.
- also if youve read my other headcanons i am 100000% convinced that he has this thing where if he really likes someone he needs them to need him (let's all remember the whole 'i will strip you of everything you know and love speech until I'm your only shelter' speech he gave to Alina)
- also i kinda want to write a fic or blurb series or something that's just the darkling being super toxic in super thoughtful ways LMAO if that makes sense, like he's being super sweet but it's to make sure the reader is dependent on him
- and he def wants to be the protector to give himself some sense of assurance bc he's so desperate to not be alone anymore and bc the reader is the only person he has/loves, he wants to feel in control and like he's the less attached one
- okay,, let's get back to the pregnancy thing, anyways, your pregnancy is most definitely activating all of those senses and this was meant to be a sub plot but it kind of became it's own thing lol
- so lets get to the actual pregnancy reaction
if you two have been trying to get pregnant:
- when you tell him, he kind of like, pauses bc it's not every day that he gets surprised so it takes him a moment to register that he's experiencing shock lol, so he tenses and goes islent
- and then after he realizes that he's surprised and that it's bc of a good thing, he manages to relax
- meanwhile you're kind of freaking out bc he got so quiet?? you start to wonder if he's regretting ever wanting a child with you? and you're like two seconds away from a downspiral and then he...
- he touches your cheek and looks at you in a way you've never seen him look at anyone,, not even you
- the look is so warm and strong and full of fierce admiration that you feel foolish for ever thinking he didn't want this. And then he says something about how you're carrying his child and how he didn't realize he could adore you more and then he kisses you and it's all :)) warm:)
- he doesn't want anyone to know that he's expecting a child as long as possible bc of how many enemies he has and how he has to worry about you enough when people just know that you're his 'lover' (a title you never really liked, but one he tells you is necessary to make sure no one realizes the extent of his attachment)
- if you really want to tell your mother or someone of that relation, he won't be mad about it, but he just needs to know
- Genya is the only exception bc the darkling basically instructs her to look out for you,, but when you tell her she's like oh?? you guys just found out?
- miss girl most definitely noticed like a day and a half ago after you cried bc she couldn't find you ice cream the other night 😭and she just assumed you knew but weren't ready to tell anyone
- okay so this what i think is his most problematic expecting father trait would be. So i just ranted about how important secrecy would be to him but he's also the most overprotective person in the entire world,, like he was bad before but once he knows your with child?? yeah, if a man asks you about the weather, he's done for
- he's next to you in a second, ordering either you or the man to do some asinine task
- if you get mad about this (rightfully so) or even just point out how nothing is wrong and you having a casual conversation with a man who isn't even looking at you sexually won't hurt you or the baby, he'll lose rationality
- it depends on how much you push, but it'd be super easy to make him super possessive bc like i said, being bonded by a child has made him so much more intense (and he was pretty intense before)
- and if you push too much he'll lowkey forget about how cautious he's trying to be with you and pin you against the nearest wall and say something along the lines of 'are you already forgetting you're mine? that i own you, body and soul--is my child growing in you not enough of a reminder? because i'll give you another one if you need it.' (AH--i want to write a whole fic based on this line)
- also if the reader is grisha, especially if she's a sun summoner/special grisha like him, he def talks about the power that they've created and how proud he already is and how he can't wait to train together and be the most powerful family in the world
- not everything is perfectly happy though, bc now he feels more pressure to complete his plan and establish the world he wants his child to be born into
- so sometimes when he's working extra hard or is extra aggressive for no reason, you have to work at calming him down and reminding him that the best thing he can do for his child is be there for them (and the child's mother,, lol)
- sometimes he'll respond by actually listening to you and trying to make up for his absence or his aggression by being extra soft until you finally forgive him
- you never last that long, it's hard to be mad at him when he's coddling you and whispering such sweet things about he's so happy to have you and your future child
- overall, his first reaction is to swell with emotion, which he isn't used to, and so he becomes super protective but also extra lovey and you know that his overreactions are just him trying to show that he cares about you and your future child more than anything
If the pregnancy was unplanned:
- the initial reaction is pretty similar, only his state of shock lasts longer
- like i said at the beginning, he's not used to being surprised and an accidental pregnancy is so much more surprising than a planned pregnancy
- this really sucks for you bc he's not exactly known for his patience so you just kinda sit there and genuinely wonder if you're going to be a single mom or if you're going to want to deletus the fetus or something
- but then he takes a step towards you and you see how he's looking at you and you just know that that fierceness has to mean something good
- and at this point you're scared and nervous and feel so alone so tears are pricking at your eyes,, so he wipes his thumb across your cheek to wipe away tears you won't let spill
- he then whispers something really sweet about how you two are now together forever, as you should be
- it's really relieving bc you felt so alone and uncertain and he's such a smooth speaker that by the end of the night, you feel like this is a good thing
- if youre still hesitant/weighing your options, he's not above trying to (gently) manipulate you into thinking that what he wants may be the only way
- by that,, i don't mean outright tricking you bc he means everything he says, but he def is pushing the keeping the baby agenda,, especially if you're a grisha,, and even more so if you're a grisha with similar power levels to him
- he won't get angry at first bc he's not so out of touch that he's unaware of how shocking a pregnancy is to a woman who wasn't planning one,, but his patience is limited and if you fight it too much he will get mad and yell
- but unless you really don't want to have a child, it won't get to that bc he makes the idea of having a baby with him sound so perfect?? like you genuinely don't understand how he did that
- he chases away all of your worries and assures you that youre not alone and that even though it isn't planned he wouldn't rather anyone else carry his child
- the initial conversation would probably end in you two sleeping together again bc he finds the fact that you're carrying his child so attractive and bc being aware of the pregnancy makes him more possessive
- it's also a good way to fight any of your doubts
- speaking of being possessive though,, i feel like he could be a little more possessive/protective of a reader who didn't plan on getting pregnant bc your relationship has been less established
- no one sees you as anything to him and he doesn't want to start rumors now bc it's important to him that his enemies don't find out about you or his future child so he doesn't want that to change
- but he almost forgets about all of those reasons each time he sees a man get a little too close,, especially if that guy is flirty
- it takes all of his will power to not just go 'she's mine and if i wasn't worried about the stress that witnessing something violent would cause our unborn child, you'd be dead already, but if you're not gone by the time i turn around, i'll forget about caution'
- lots of close calls ngl!! at one point youre like 'if it bothers you so much, maybe you should tell someone??' and he's like 'no,, maybe,, shut up' and then you raise one eyebrow and he just closes his mouth and is like 'i mean,, i'll kiss you to shut you up, haha--dont be mad'
- youre the one that's pregnant but sometimes you think he might be the one experiencing the mood swings i swear 😭
- so your little theory gets tested,, he's not the type to gossip with his besties and be like 'guess who's officially my girlfriend, i knocked her up but it's not like it sounds--'
- so he's like ig you can tell genya
- once again genya is like ?? yall thought you were keeping that secret? couldn't be me
- but having it a little out in the open helps ease him just enough that youre actually capable of consoling him when he becomes jealous
- still though,, he's quick to go into possessive/pregnancy kink sex
- youre most def not mad about it,, unless pregnancy has you particularly sore
- he's normally pretty understanding about that and def doesn't mind pulling his weight in the bedroom when he needs
- honestly he'd be really good at being a source of calmness at the beginning, but as time goes on he becomes more and more worried about finishing his plans bc he didn't expect to have a child right now
- so he'd be more adamant about working/becoming more tense and would be more difficult to console if it was an accidental pregnancy
- when you call him out on it--or on anything while your pregnant--it's frustrating for you both bc the number one thing everyone knows is stress is bad for baby, so he's trying to keep you calm without backing down
- these argument always end with one of you clinging to the other,, and then the more angrier of the two just like shuts up, rolls their eyes, and lets go of the argument...at least for now
- the main difference between an accidental and intentional pregnancy would probably be how you perceive him,, bc an intentional pregnancy means youve talked about things but since you havent talked about anything your shocked about how soft he becomes ??
#headcanons#headcanon#darkling x reader#the darkling x reader#the darking x you#aleksander morozova x reader#general kirigan x you#general kirigan imagine#grishaverse imagine#grishaverse#shadow and bone#shadow and bone x reader#aleksander morovoza x reader#aleksander morozova imagine
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can I request a lil something? during the end of the manga or after the timeskip if you haven't read it yet, reiner still has feelings for historia and reader has one-sided feelings for him.
pieck gives reiner a small hint, saying he's wasting time while there's someone close to him that cares for him and points to you. he doesn't understand at first and maybe is conflicted about his feelings for you because of historia. reader is cool about it as she doesn't expect him to reciprocate her feelings.
a rollercoaster of emotions later, maybe there is a happy ending tho? i am curious to see what you can come up with 😭😭 i have dreaming of this scenario before bed and i can't help but get jealous of his crush on historia abjdsndks maybe you can help reiner reciprocate reader-chan's feelings or not
thank u so much aly 💖🥺
reciprocation
pairing: reiner braun x reader
a/n: OMG yesss! honestly, i was kinda annoyed at how reiner still had a crush on historia. i know that isayama wanted to show how everything went back to normal, but i was hoping that reiner would have a bigger role in the allied nations instead of being "dumbed down" to having an obsession with her. MAYBE THATS JUST THE JEALOUSY SPEAKING LMAO 😭 i was hoping this would be longer, although school has been killing me so im really sorry!! i hope its okay 💗💕 thank you honey!
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as reiner is handed historia’s letter, you fold your hands on the table and watch him without a word. when he reads the lines and smells the parchment - jean saying something snarky afterward - you say nothing.
you want reiner to be happy: you want to see him at ease like this more, face soft as the leaf of the page flits from his pinched fingers.
and so you let the man speak about historia like she’s a damn goddess, gushing over her handwriting, and keep your goddamn mouth shut. ignore your jealousy. your feelings.
the truth is, you’re in love with reiner.
you can’t even remember how it happened, but you can remember the first time you looked into those hazel eyes, and how you knew that they were going to stick with you for eternity.
you’ve come to accept his crush on the queen, though. reciprocation was never an option in your mind.
when jean begins to chew reiner out for lusting after a married woman, and reiner says something about jean being a horse, pieck’s gaze lands on you. “you’re rather quiet,” she says softly, resting her head on her palm.
you shrug, turning away from her. “i’m just tired.”
pieck catches your chin between her lithe fingers, and turns you to face her with a tiny smile. the young woman is very perceptive, and you’ve known her long enough.
that’s when you notice the twinkle in her eye. she’s planning something.
pieck releases your jaw then, sitting up in her chair. “you’re wasting your time, reiner,” she says suddenly. “there’s already someone you know who cares for you.”
you pretend to not hear pieck - and definitely pretend you don’t see her faintly point at you through your peripheral. the movement of her fingers is barely there, but you catch it.
damn you, pieck.
the way you’re now pinned underneath armin, jean, connie, and reiner’s stares makes your stomach tie itself into knots with bubbling reluctance. shit, this is awkward. you want to run away.
still, you peer over to study reiner’s reaction. he looks confused at first, the contours of his face unreadable. you swear you see connie facepalm at the man’s cluelessness.
then reiner’s expression slowly changes: his eyes widen in awe, lips parting slightly, and brows knitting together. he seems genuinely surprised - and conflicted.
conflicted? why?
there’s no time to explain yourself though, because the door creaks open and annie steps in. her words fall on your deaf ears, and when everyone stands up to leave, you’re the first one out of the room. work beckons you as always.
two days pass.
you’ve been busy filling out tons of paperwork pertaining to the allied nations, so when you’re finally given a day off, you take it with open arms.
freedom at last.
you lean against a bench outside of headquarters, enjoying the salty breeze that flutters along your skin. it’s dusk, the sky covered in a gradient of neon colors as the sun dips below the horizon.
you haven’t seen reiner since that day in the conference room. you wonder how he’s doing, what he’s thinking, how he’s holding up -
“hey.”
speak of the devil. you glance over your shoulder toward the voice, low and familiar.
reiner approaches you, clad in his uniform: the suit hugs his large frame perfectly, showing every flex of his muscles, and his blonde hair is neatly parted. the black tie looped around his neck just pulls it all together. it has you weak at the knees every. single. time.
“hey,” you answer, giving reiner a smile as he stops beside you.
and that’s when your heart lurches at the sight of him.
the sunset highlights reiner’s profile in gold, a heavenly shine that settles upon his blonde lashes and the flawless slope of his nose. the flecks in his irises sparkle – a beautiful mixture of soft browns and muted greens. the only thing you can do right now is admire the man.
his words are what breaks you out of your daydream.
“work has been crazy lately, huh?” reiner says, focused on the candy-floss clouds and their fluffy shapes.
“well - yeah, pretty much. i don’t want to look at a pen or a piece of paper ever again.”
“that bad?”
“you have no idea. i almost regret marley and paradis reconciling.”
reiner chuckles gently at the joke, but it’s strained. his forehead remains creased, and he’s not really smiling. the emotion there is more … doubtful. it’s like he’s having some sort of inner conflict.
hopefully reiner’s not acting cautious because of the other day. you know he doesn’t return your feelings, and that’s totally okay. you’re happy enough being with him like this. “i’m not mad or anything, y’know.”
reiner stiffens at that. there’s a white flash of teeth when he chews on his lower lip. “i know.”
“good,” you hum, breathing out a sigh of relief. your core twists with envy when you force a grin. bite it back. tease him like always. “so about historia … ”
reiner’s eyes go wide almost comically, and you hear the breath in his lungs leave his firm chest in one exhale. there’s a light blush staining his cheeks now. it’s funny; he’s so goddamn big, yet he’s such a teddy bear.
“y-yeah,” reiner mutters. you observe the way his brows pinch together as he awkwardly shifts in place. it takes a while before the man composes himself again, which is strange.
is he scared or something? what the hell?
“pieck,” reiner hesitates for a moment. the golden strands of his hair ruffle in the wind and he appears ... well, lost. “was she being serious?”
the question is a shocker - jeez, he could have at least let you prepare yourself. a firm ‘no’ almost slips out, but you’ve never been much of a liar. not to reiner, anyway. crossing your arms against your chest, you inhale sharply and nod. avoid staring at him face-to-face. “yep.”
“ … why me?”
reiner says the words with a mixture of spite and anguish, a casual and rumbling voice. you immediately turn your head, frowning. “what?”
“i’ve done so many horrible things.” reiner exhales heavily and stares down at his hands; perhaps he’s imagining all the blood they’ve been stained with. “i betrayed everyone. i killed innocent people - all because i was selfish.”
it’s no surprise that reiner is broken after everything he’s been through, but it pains you to know that he continues to suffer in silence. whatever war is raging inside his ribcage tears him apart piece by piece, and you wish you could carry the burden.
there’s probably nothing you can say to convince reiner that he was just a kid, a victim of circumstance. there’s nothing that can persuade him to see himself the way you do.
so you decide to tell reiner why you love him.
you explain the amount of admiration you hold for him. tell him that you love the way he just wants to be someone his comrades can lean on, like a big brother. tell him that you think he’s the most gorgeous person you’ve ever seen and how you think he deserves the world.
the way you spill your guts out snaps every nerve in your body. you don’t say everything you want to – but you tell him enough. a dark flush spreading across your face, you find the courage to look at him.
the world seems to stop on its axis when you find reiner staring right on back. the intensity of his eyes is stunning; they’re lit up with astonishment and affection.
god, the affection. you see it clear as day. maybe one of the greatest regrets in his life is how he forced himself to see you only as a friend.
that’s when he reaches out to you.
reiner retracts his hand twice, unsure, before slowly brushing his fingertips against yours. the touch is so feather-light that you almost can’t feel it. it’s a test - he’s waiting to see if you pull away. you can’t even move if you wanted to, because his fond gaze keeps you rooted to the spot before him.
when you don’t recoil, reiner finally moves to gently hold your hand; his palm is so much bigger than yours, and your fingers slot together perfectly, like a jigsaw puzzle’s final piece.
heart thrumming like a hummingbird has been stuffed into your chest, you’re almost at a loss for words and come to a realization.
this utterly amazing man likes you. always has.
but reiner shoved away the feelings for one simple reason; you deserved ‘better.’ focusing on the old crush he had on historia was a distraction - an attempt to convince himself to stop thinking about you.
because looking at you everyday and not being able to act upon his feelings was too painful.
“is this okay?” reiner asks lowly. there’s a slight pinkness to his cheeks, the color of a selfless love.
by some miracle, you manage to nod dumbly. “yeah, of course. it’s fine.” it’s amazing is what you actually want to say.
reiner squeezes your hand at the reassurance, a sigh escaping from his throat. “i really—”
you wait for him to finish, but he doesn’t. reiner just searches your profile for signs of discomfort, and then untwines your hands to bravely swipe a thumb along the length of your cheekbone.
there’s no time to speak because he’s already leaning down.
the sensation of reiner’s lips pressing against yours lights your skin ablaze; you can feel the curling flames of passion sear your soul, made even more intense by the warmth of the sunlight on your back.
it’s natural, it’s tender, it’s warm.
reiner’s breath rattles into your mouth when you rest both palms against his solid chest and deepen the kiss. the musky smell of his aftershave and cologne envelops you completely, and fuck, it’s so good. your arms wrap around him, fingers passing over the sharp slopes of his shoulder blades.
as much as you wish the kiss could go on endlessly, there are people gathering outside. avoiding any unwanted attention from nosy strangers is very much appreciated.
you pull away to nuzzle your nose into reiner, and he rests his chin on your shoulder, protective arms moving to loop around your waist. it’s such an intimate caress that it sparks your brain into overdrive.
as the rushing sound of the breeze comes back to your ears through the quiet, you tuck the kiss away to be remembered forever. that’s all there is to it. being close to reiner like this - swaying together like wildflowers in the wind - is more important than anything else.
“i like you,” reiner murmurs.
the suddenness of it makes you laugh, and you can feel the upward quirk of reiner’s lips - a whisper of a peaceful smile and a sweet, sweet promise.
#timeskip reiner still sexy asf#I just wanna hug and kiss him ugh#reiner braun x reader#reiner x reader#aot x reader#attack on titan fanfiction#snk x reader#reiner braun#reiner x you#attack on titan#shingeki no kyojin
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c!niki and c!wilbur enjoyers. pspspspspspsps
alright guys so last night i rewatched pretty much all of the pogtopia arc. and this isn’t meant to be a big, important analysis post (it’s kind of incomprehensible), because my brain is fried from, you know. rewatching pretty much all of pogtopia. but i do have some stuff i’d like to say.
(this also just became a niki meta sorry i love her. i really just got emo about her during the second half of this and it got long. i have a lot of feelings about her and wilbur’s friendship.)
it’s a pretty general conclusion that wilbur’s real “downfall” began on october 8th, during the stream “who are you go away”. of course, his spiral and the process of him losing faith had begun much earlier, more around the end of the first war or during the election. but the big switch, so to say, was definitely here, when as wilbur walks back from schlatt’s announcement, he asks tommy if they’re the bad guys.
this entire scene was so interesting to me. wilbur here is a man who has lost hope, someone who is backed into a corner morally and has nothing left. he points out that they can never really reclaim l’manburg without forever tainting it, and that schlatt knows this. the entire half an hour or so before, schlatt has been taunting wilbur about losing that power. the emphasis of the festival on “democracy” is so clearly a barb thrown at wilbur, and it works.
wilbur’s “nothing left to lose” in this vod is a mirror to niki’s “you know what they say about a woman who has nothing left to lose”. this will not be the first time they mirror each other.
basically, wilbur’s angry. when schlatt announced the festival, wilbur realized that maybe it wasn’t a terrible thing. so once he worked around into the mindset of “we’re the bad guys”, he was able to justify saying he was going to blow up the nation with no remorse. he wants chaos! he wants no survivors!
does he do it? god no.
during the streams leading up to november 16th, wilbur is consistently scared. he goes back and forth on it, and makes multiple “conditions” that determine whether he’s going to do it or not, almost begging someone to stop him. he whispers to himself that he’s scared, that his hands are shaking, that he’s not sure if it’s the right thing to do. because despite what he says about “not caring about any of them”, the instant niki is threatened after tubbo’s death, wilbur walks up to schlatt and tells him that if he’s going to kill anyone it should be him. later, when quackity and tommy talk him down from pressing the button, he can’t press it because they’re there and he can’t bring himself to kill them as well.
but he has no problems with putting his own life at risk. he refuses to wear armor half the time, and actively places himself in harm’s way to save others. he still cares about everyone else, as much as he says he doesn’t. even when he does cause harm to others, during november 16th, he immediately begs phil to kill him. “look, they all want you to.” he can’t live with what he’s done, and how he’s hurt people, but he couldn’t allow manburg to continue.
the man is terrified and angry and he can’t win. and even as he tries to stuff himself into the mind of someone who doesn’t care, he cannot. when he finally does, he cannot live with being that person.
but the reason i rewatched this arc was to see niki’s point of view, especially after her statements during her last stream. i genuinely think that wilbur’s only betrayal of her was pressing the button, because he betrayed everyone. they might have known he was going to do it, but they had faith he wouldn’t.
wilbur cared a lot about niki. her life under schlatt was awful, wilbur hated that she was suffering, and the scene where wilbur plants himself directly in the center of the festival and tells schlatt to kill him instead hits pretty hard. he has the argument with schlatt, and then turns to niki and tells her to run. he then hits people and sprints away, trying to give her time to escape.
this is also when he asks her to join pogtopia, because now that schlatt has said he’d kill her, it’s a safer place for her.
so the man did care about her. niki is angry at the memory of him that she has. it’s been twisted by time and her own grief and paranoia.
in rewatching pogtopia, i realized that a lot of people hate the memory of wilbur. not him, and what he did. they think he didn’t care. and to quote hamilton (apologies):
“history obliteratesit paints me in all my mistakes”
does niki have a right to be mad at him? absolutely. he caused direct harm to her by blowing up l’manburg, once it was reclaimed. but she’s wrong that he never cared.
(an interesting note: wilbur only blows it up after techno starts fighting people outside. he hears it, and says “look, they’re fighting”. he didn’t re-initiate the conflict of the country. the fact that even after peace was won people were fighting just gave evidence to his belief that the entire country was corrupted.)
niki has been hurt a lot, and wilbur has things to answer for. but we as the audience know that her statements are just her perception. she is a character who acts on perceptions. the entire stream was in black and white. during doomsday, upon seeing wilbur log on (as ghostbur), niki has a panic attack and destroys her bakery, trying to rid herself of the pain of the memories. her lines during this stream are chilling, whispered repetitions that are a mirror of wilbur’s end.
(paraphrased, it was long and confusing but there are a few bits and this was the essence of it)
“wilbur is gone. this isn’t happening. he is dead. l’manburg is gone.”“it is real, i am real, he is real and he is dead.”“l’manburg is gone, i am real, i am l’manburg”.
(god. dude i could spend Months analyzing this one stream alone. there’s so much here.)
doesn’t that sound a bit like “my unfinished symphony”? wilbur and niki both attach their own self to the nation they fought for, and can see it as an extension of themself. they both destroy parts of it in acts of fear, attempting to save everyone else from what they’ve made.
what i pulled away from niki’s stream is that she’s not healing. i remember the chamber she locks herself in at night. i remember her refusal to eat. i remember how she was so angry at tommy, and she later realized that anger was misguided. niki genuinely believes that wilbur did not care about her, and that’s not surprising: when he died, she denied the fact that he was gone. she represses the things that she can’t handle, same as lots of other people. it is easier for her to pin her hurt on wilbur, because she needs somewhere to pin it. people feel more in control if they’re angry, not sad.
the song cc!niki said was for her character really emphasizes this. it’s a coping mechanism.
but even condemning wilbur won’t help, because she will still never get closure. niki cares about what others think of her, and so she can’t move on from someone hurting her. she can’t move on because she thinks he hated her. she is angry that he is back, but it is an opportunity for her to heal. she couldn’t heal when he was gone. she’s not the only one with a negative perception of wilbur, after all. he has one too. the two of them really need to talk.
i want niki to be healthy and safe. i want to see her heal so badly, and i do think it will happen. after wilbur died, his betrayal of her stayed with her, and it eventually became her memory of the betrayal that she hated, not the thing itself. it’s been months since it happened. niki wants to find an outlet for her hurt, because she wants to feel better. there’s a pattern i noticed: she only gets mad at people once she hasn’t seen the person themself for a while. and once she sees them and talks to them, and realizes that they care about her and don’t want to hurt her, she stops blaming them for it. she only hates her perception of them. example one? tommy.
man was in exile for a long time, and when he came back he “brought” fighting. that’s how niki saw it. but the fact that after she spent time with tommy (trying to kill him but. details, details) she forgave him because she saw it wasn’t his fault is a really good sign.
i genuinely think that speaking to wilbur will help niki, and it will also help wilbur. after all, they both hate wilbur. the entire perception of wilbur as some heartless, crazy manipulator needs to be shattered for both of their sakes. they both buy into it.
i want niki to know that others care about her, and that she has places she can feel safe. she hates that wilbur is invading the syndicate, because she’s scared of his memory hurting her. i don’t think wilbur will hurt her on purpose, because even though he sees himself as awful, he doesn’t hate her. he never did.
usually, with people who have hurt someone else, i want them as far away from the person they hurt as possible. if wilbur does hurt niki i’ll probably cry. but again, it’s not him that hated her, or really him that hurt her in the way she thinks he did. when wilbur was dead, niki didn’t get any better. her memory of him festered and made her feel worse. that’s also why niki killing wilbur or hurting him somehow wouldn’t help her heal. i want wilbur to explain that he didn’t hate her. is wilbur even close to self aware enough to help niki? nah. this is going to take a Long time, and it’s going to hurt.
last thing i swear lol
during niki’s stream, she says that wilbur manipulated her. again, i watched pogtopia last night, and i’ve watched the rest of season one recently as well. i genuinely don’t see it. but i do think i know why she said it.
during season one, wilbur doesn’t manipulate niki. he doesn’t have a chance to later, he’s dead. so then, what is she talking about? of course it’s a perception, same as a lot of her other claims. i think she’s talking about how she cared for l’manburg.
niki joined the server as wilbur’s friend, to join his nation. she grew to care for l’manburg. she devoted herself to it, same as he did. but doomsday showed us that she hates that. in niki’s eyes, l’manburg only brought pain for people, and because she ties herself to it, she hates that she ever cared about it. she can’t allow herself to care for it, because it was used to hurt. so how does she cope with knowing that she once did? she pretends she didn’t.
if she can convince herself that it was wilbur who convinced her to care about l’manburg, she can avoid blaming herself for her own pain. and yeah, she shouldn’t blame herself for it. it’s not her fault. the entire situation is tragic and a little hopeless and once again really makes me hope that she recovers. l’manburg was ruined for her by others. schlatt, techno, dream, wilbur. again another place where she and wilbur are similar: they convince themselves they never cared about l’manburg because of the hurt it caused.
to summarize: wilbur’s going to get a shock soon. don’t know when, but probably the prison visit. something is going to shake his perception, the story is hurtling towards that. once he is able to take responsibility for what he did, and feel safe (because a lot of what he does now is out of fear of being alone or useless), then he and niki need to talk. niki needs something to get her out of her own head. she’s spiraling too. they are essential to each other’s recovery because of how much they meant (and mean) to each other.
anyways i miss early season one niki i liked it when she was happy :(
~ Lad 2
#wilbur#c!wilbur#niki#c!niki#dreamsmp#dsmp#mcyt#rp#long post#dreamsmp analysis#dsmp analysis#revivedbur#pogtopia#lad speaks
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I feel like I’ve found my kin, I fell in love with Kakashi when I was like 8 LOL. Can I request some general yandere Zoro headcanons btw? I loved/still love him too 😶
Yes you may ahhh!!!! I love Zoro so much. I love writing for fandoms like this bc shounen anime are... Well, shounen, they're aimed at dudes, so they tend to not have as large of a female audience so there's not a lot of content out there. I love Luffy and there's like zero girl-targeted content for him. I swear I've spent so much time looking for wholesome, decent LuNa (my otp im sorry i just hhhh) doujins that aren't super male-oriented, and there's like... 2. For a 900+ episode anime. 2.
I also love the concept of a yandere in a situation where they CAN'T kidnap you, they're limited by their circumstances, so they have to kind of adjust or go insane. It's an interesting dynamic because it eliminates the norm for yanderes.
I think I mentioned this but I'm not 100% caught up with one piece (I mean, who is?), so I'm just keeping it simplistic and going with kinda basic Zoro and nothing with specific character developments or any spoilers other than his backstory
Yandere Roronoa Zoro (One Piece)
Tws: all the usuals -- yandere, noncon, kidnapping
He meets you while he's lost. I'm sorry I just. Zoro gets lost in the middle of some place they're docked, and you're just such a sweetheart, you see this guy clearly not knowing where he's going, and offer to help him. He's kind of taken aback by your softness and sweetness.
He's not easily made aware of his own feelings. He's a rough and tough sort of guy, and he has dedicated himself to swordsmanship so much that he's neglected to focus on himself and his interpersonal relationships, and he's not really self aware at all of his own feelings, very out of touch with his emotions.
Obviously, even if he tries to shove it down, Kuina weighs heavily on his mind in relation to you. He's another man that has known loss and it's dealt its damage on his psyche. He can't lose another person who's dear to him again.
This results in him becoming insanely protective, one of the most protective yans out there. He's easily one led into paranoia delusions regarding your safety. However, he's an honest and reasonable guy and can be level-headed when confronted. If someone (not yourself, as he thinks you're naive, but maybe another girl like Nami or Robin) tells him he's being overprotective and exaggerating about your safety, he may actually have a moment of self-realization and admit to it. He's capable of being reasonable enough to see it once it's pointed out to him. However... this doesn't stop him. He tries, really, he genuinely tells himself that he needs to stop. But his instincts just kind of take over. It's an impulse, to stop you from doing even the most slightly dangerous things.
Once you join the Straw Hat Crew, he just kinda... clings. It's a silent presence, but he's always there, constantly seems to show up wherever you are. Unfortunately, you can't really... get away from him per se. You're kinda limited to one ship, at least as long as you're out on the sea. Your only option for respite is going to your room or bathing, otherwise, he's gonna follow you, even if he's not saying anything and (very badly) trying to feign indifference, pretending you just happen to be going the same way all the time. He doesn't really know what to say, he's not good with these things, and often he's acting without really thinking too much about it. He won't usually strike up a conversation, he just... is there. Watches. May awkwardly ask a question or make a passing comment.
One scenario I imagine is you jokingly picking up one of his swords and wielding it around giggling and he just flips out, takes it from you and yells at you not to do that, are you an idiot? Do you want to trip and fall and have that impale you? Do you realize how easy it would be for you to slice your arm open by accident? It's startling to both you and anyone watching -- even for someone who gets yell-y as easily as him, it seems like an overreaction. He'll apologize but insist it's a safety thing, really.
And he really tries to hide his more... aggressive nature, because he thinks it will drive you away -- he's a blunt, tough guy with a short-fused temper, and he thinks that's definitely not something women like very much. He tries not to yell at you, not get mad so easy, keep his calm better around you, and might even be nicer to others so that you don't think he's mean. And for the most part, he can manage that. Except when it comes to a very specific, very problematic blonde crew member. His little conflicts with Sanji get worse, to even a point that he's snapping at him so frequently that even Sanji himself is a bit bewildered and caught off guard by it. The others notice they fight a lot more often... and Zoro always seems to instigate it, picking quarrels over the littlest things. In reality, he's afraid of the other's... sleazy nature. He can't have you falling for that bastard. He even starts to get jittery when you're in the presence of Franky, Usopp, hell even Luffy of all people. It's noticeable, and everyone kinda worries for him.
He kicks himself for it as soon as he does it, but he finds himself insulting you nonetheless. It's a terrible habit. He gets so awkward and flustered that it's second nature for him to say something snarky or even rude when you talk to him, and he immediately is just mentally screaming at himself for doing so. This will get a bit better with time, though, if you two talk more often.
Now, even if you can fight, you're never gonna really get the opportunity. In battle, he's clinging to you and protecting you at every moment, even if it costs the others some unnecessary wounds. It's highly uncharacteristic of him, and they notice. He won't leave your side, insisting that you're a weak fighter and that he has to take care of you. You just don't get it, you overestimate yourself, you underestimate your enemies, you're a girl. What, Nami and Robin? Well, they've been at this much longer than you, and they had rough upbringings. You're different. You're soft... fragile. You just can't see it. You're lucky he's here to protect your dumbass.
Due to your setup, well, he can't really kidnap you per se. He undoubtedly would if you two were somewhere else, in another life or another setting, but that's not really an option, and even as a yandere, he would never go so far as to kill or abandon his crew. So, he's stuck with just... slowly, slowly mentally deteriorating.
Now, he's not capable of kidnapping, he's not smart enough to really manipulate you into anything (although he WILL tell you that some of the other guys are out to use you), so, he's left to be the guard dog he inevitably becomes to you. If you avoid him, he'll just follow you. If you don't talk to him, that's ok. If you confront him, he'll just insist he has no idea what you're talking about, and you'll start to feel like maybe you're just paranoid. The others... don't really know what to do, to be honest. I can see Nami/Robin potentially confronting him, but in the end, they can't force him to change his behaviors, and they can't afford to lose him. This results in, gradually, everyone slowly kind of accepting your dynamic onboard. They feel bad for you, really, but... in the end, Zoro's just more valuable to the crew. Sorry. They're not gonna get rid of him, but they don't want to get rid of you either.
If you leave? It may just be one of the very very few things that could ever cause him to leave the Strawhats. It would tear him up, really, it goes against his dreams, his pride, his loyalty, but in the end... his loyalty is first and foremost to you. He'll follow you if you leave. It's a bad move on your part, because this gets rid of the only thing standing between you and kidnapping. Which, at that point, surely will happen. Like his other behaviors, he'll feel bad, he'll try and stop himself, tell himself it's wrong, but you'll end up bound in some dark basement nonetheless. He's one to take a very simple approach. Find you alone, sling you up and over his shoulder and carry you off before anyone can come.
Rejection doesn't faze him. No matter what, he'll remain by your side. Even if you never love him in return. It's just his nature, he's a guardian through and through.
In the end, he'll be right there by your side, scaring off any competitors, clinging to you like glue, ever in your presence like a shadow, forever. Whether you want him to or not. He's just an inescapable force, an unmovable object, and you're wasting your time trying to change your fate.
Now, he's very flustered with anything sexual. Highly embarrassed, lots of shame, and doesn't talk much about it. It just kind of happens. He doesn't talk much during, mostly grunts and the occasional fuck when you clamp down, occasionally asking you if you're ok, if it hurts, if it feels good. It's one of the only very soft sides of him. In the end, he really, truly loves you, and doesn't want to hurt you, he wants you to feel good and just love him. It's a very different side to him, one no one else has ever really seen, it's the most vulnerable he himself has ever been with another person.
He feels shame for it, but initially he'll definitely be one to steal your things, sit outside of your room at night, listening to you through the wall, try and get glimpses of you bathing or dressing. He really, really feels guilty, and he's one that will, once you're comfortably restrained and never going anywhere, just sit down and list out every nasty little thing he's ever done regarding you, just to get it off his chest. He understands if you react badly, and he'll apologize, which is a bit ironic considering how much worse kidnapping you is.
He'll apologize for that, too. He's actually one to do so a lot. He's normally a proud guy, but with this? He knows it's wrong, he knows it's fucked up. He knows he can't stop. And he'll be sorry to the moon and back. Just never sorry enough to stop.
He's actually a pretty vanilla guy. Hand-holding missionary type. And, despite being so embarrassed over it all, oddly romantic about it. It's one of the only things he's ever soft and gentle about, it's almost unbelievable to you that he's capable of being so gentle and slow with anything. But he'll kiss your forehead, really take his time with it all, make you cum on his fingers before ever actually fucking you. Hold your hand, look into your eyes. It would be honestly incredibly sweet if it weren't... you know, taking place in some dark sealed off room after dragging you there against your will.
If he's particularly mad, he can get rougher, but he'll apologize after. It's a lot of harsh grabbing, biting, it leaves bruises that he'll rub over softly, whispering an apology, even if a little part of him likes the way it looks on you.
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Making Lore Out of the Angel Event
Im the definition of 'its not that deep but I'm going to dig a hole to make it that deep'
In this case its me making it that deep because otherwise this event is upsetting so I'm making some dark lore theories to make it make sense to me.
I'll have a lot of spoilers below. For the event and everything I know, which is up to like lesson 32 I think.
Basically, TLDR; this was an attack by Michael/their Father on Devildom. Simeon and Diavolo have successfully negated the threat by turning it into a game.
TLDR Thesis; The Celestial Realm is governed through careful mind control. The Demon Bros are not "avatars" because of being demons- they have been cursed by their Father to suffer as no other demon nor angel has to.
First we hear direct from Michael, and he's giving these bangles that appear to brainwash the main cast.
This was an attempt by their Father to bring them back under his control. By control, I mean this literally.
I've felt for a long time that the way the Celestial Realm seems to be run is... shady. It's a utopia to outside appearances only, and those who have been most deeply embroiled in the Great Celestial War know this.
The Great Celestial War was over free will, rather than the specifics of Lilith's situation. She was the catalyst for a long-time-coming revolt against the rulers of the Celestial Realm.
My logic for this:
The reason for Lilith's expulsion goes against the current action plan of the Celestial Realm. Peace between the realms? Sure, but their Father is bound to realize that you put angels, humans, and demons together you're going to end up with more angels like Lilith, who fall for other races. Why would he accept this truce if he lost his favored children over an issue that is very similar? Did he have a change of heart? Heavens no.
Luke's behaviour towards the demon's seems case-and-point. Luke is not the strange one out of the angelic transfer students- Simeon is. Not only that, Simeon is chosen not in an attempt to promote peace, but to protect Luke from being influenced. (Which is, again, the whole point\of the exchange program.)
That time we went to the Celestial Realm for real - Lucifer was worried. Scared, even. This can be explained by, you know, the War and Lilith.. but I wonder if it may be more sinister. Like perhaps being brainwashed.
Diavolo and Barbatos weren’t required to wear bangles to become less “demon-like” for the “party”. This is because the bangles were a ploy to get the brothers back.
My theory is that when an angel begins to show signs of rebellion or questioning the divine order, they are forcibly stopped. Michael is that enforcer, and these 'gifts' are a method of stopping them.
The bangles cause a person to act *perfectly angelic* against their free will. The people affected become all smiles and sunshine, so clearly nothing could be wrong with it, right? They’re happy, right?
No. Very not right, and we can see that through Satan.
Poor Satan is always the exception to the rule of the Brothers, as his circumstances are different from everyone else's.
In this case though, he's the one who provides insight on this mind control.
Let me remind you of the quotes Satan gives us during this time:
“I feel worked up.”
“I don’t feel like myself at all.”
“It feels like something foreign is forcing my heart to be calm.”
“Like my heart... becoming tranquil.”
Satan has never been an angel. He has never experienced this before. He has something the other brothers don’t: self-reflection. Satan can tell the difference between his feelings and feelings that are being imposed upon him. He tells you what he feels - “worked up” and “not like himself” and he is not smiling during this. He’s clearly unhappy, even though an angel might say he should feel unburdened by losing his anger.
He even mentions this.
“Normally, that wouldn’t seem like something bad, right?”
“Something isn’t right.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t come near me when I’m in this state.”
Satan is under the effects of the bangle, being forced to act angelic, but he can tell something “isn’t right.” He clearly shows that he thinks this is a “bad” thing, not because being calm is bad, but because it’s not “normal”. And can I remind you that he’s the Avatar of Wrath? The Sin that is most likely to be dangerous to be around - and yet it’s only when his anger is forcibly quelled that he thinks you should stay away from him. He knows that this is not something to desire. He knows that it is not happiness.
“I can’t concentrate on reading today.”
I mean, he’s obviously going through a lot, so that’s fair. But I have the theory that if he were to try and research this condition he wouldn’t be able to either. I have a theory about the Garden of Eden. My theory is about Paradise.
Remember when Eve ate the fruit? Do you know what that fruit was? Sin?
No. That fruit was knowledge.
Specifically, knowledge of good and evil. Now, why would this knowledge be something to keep from those under the control of the Celestial Realm? It sounds rather like they might be able to then make their own decisions of what is right and wrong.
Satan has known this from the beginning. Knowledge is power. The Ruler of the Celestial Realm, the other demons’ Father, knows this, too.
Why are there no other Avatars?
Sin was not something inherent to Devildom. Sin is a judgement sent from the Celestial Realm. There are no other Avatars because they are a wholly angelic creation. There are other posts that have examined the Sins as outlets, and how each of the brothers are attempting to find ways to allow themselves to express their sin so it does not overtake them.
From the get-go, we are shown that these Sins are a defining point for the brothers, but we’re also shown that they cause more trouble than anything else. Again, part-and-parcel of being a demon, right?
So why aren’t other demons like this?
Look at Diavolo and Barbatos, or even just the background demons who work across Devildom. Look at No. 2. They are all far more complex, and could even be considered normal. No. 2 is specifically meant to be based off of Mammon and his greed, but is much more rounded when we interact with it.
If Diavolo is meant to be the ruler of demonkind -- the paragon of what a demon should be -- then why would he not be the epitome of all of these Sins in one? What is Diavolo, instead?
Diavolo is accepting.
Hold up a moment here. What? Sorry y’all but it sounds to me like Mr. Demon Daddy King trusts his son enough to pass the kingdom on to him... so that must mean that Diavolo is behaving as a demon should.
Barbatos doesn’t question Diavolo’s choices. Nobody does. He’s an all around popular ruler. Devildom seems to be quite.. the opposite of what we’ve been trained to expect, huh? Trained by who exactly?
What are the Demon Brothers?
Cursed. They don’t act like other demons because they’re not like other demons. When they rebelled against their Father, they were punished for this act, but I posit that the punishment and the exile were two different acts. Their Father knew that leaving the Celestial Realm was not punishment to those who desired free will. So instead, he gave them Sin. Something that Demons are not normally bound to.
But how would the brothers know this? They only know what they’ve been taught by angels about demons. Surely these new, pressing desires come from turning into demons..?
So, why was this not taken seriously?
Short answer: it was. But in the way that aligns with Diavolo’s ultimate goals.
Diavolo wants peace.
Let’s Talk About Simeon
Simeon is an enigma and a half isn’t he?
Simeon is close with Michael, closer than Luke in any case. Now, I’ll be honest, I can’t remember if it was a fanfiction I read that said this or if it was canon so uh - forgive me. But Simeon was chosen to accompany Luke as an exchange student so that Luke would get some education. Simeon says this is to help relations, as Diavolo wants, but of course that’s what you would say as a sleeper agent?
Now, don’t get sad. Because we love Simeon here and we support him.
Simeon is wise and neutral. He seems to support the brothers, and even still wishes to foster a relationship with them. This could be seen as an attempt to bring them back, or some such, but I like to think that Simeon knows what’s wrong with the Celestial Realm.
Simeon, however, doesn’t think that a revolt can solve it. Simeon is working with Diavolo to create a form of peace - and has been transparent about the fact that Michael chose him to prevent Luke from being corrupted. I like to think he’s also been transparent with Diavolo about Michael’s actual goal.
Simeon believes that the races should co-exist and love freely. How could love be evil, after all? Whether or not this is a new concept to him (because of his falling for you) or if this is just who he is, I’ll leave up to you and your preferences, but since he is now no longer undateable, it is established that he does not believe love between angels and humans to be bad - as his Father did with Lilith.
What happened, then?
My theory is that Simeon told Diavolo that Michael had given him a task - to give these bangles to the brothers to remind them of the joy they were missing by disobeying the Divine Order. Either that, or to brainwash them into coming back home.
Simeon’s position would be revealed to Michael if he didn’t give the brothers the bangles, but he does not want to instigate another war either. So he told Diavolo Michael’s plan.
Diavolo wants peace, and he knows that with time, the brothers can overcome this mind control as they had in the past - especially with his help.
So thus comes the “party”.
An excuse to make the bangles seem like a “harmless” gift, that had only gone wrong because of strange magical interference, when really they had done exactly what they were supposed to.
And a wonderful way to maintain peace while leaving the Celestial Realm to stew in their own pots.
Simeon gets to maintain his facade for everyone - and put on a show for Michael as being loyal. He also gets to show Luke that perhaps being wholly angelic isn’t the way for some people, letting him learn a little more about peaceful coexistence. Nothing happens to ruin Diavolo’s grand plan for peace, and he gets to learn more about the curse that is set upon his friends - One that he hopes to be able to break someday, so they can live their lives unfettered by their Father.
#okay this has gone on long enough#i have other ideas about satan in this whole situation but this is my canon now okay#the celestial realm is shady af#Our group of friends are the ones trying to rebel against it#but also are the victims of what happens if you do#man i wish that they would go into deep lore and plot like this in the game#but its an otome so i can't really expect that#anyway this is how im going to treat the whole thing#obey me lore#lore#bast babbles#obey me event#angel event#obey me angel event#obey me#obey me shall we date#obswd#headcanons
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dude okay so this is kinda specific and also probably not very original or anything ekdbsisj
but-
how do you think saeyoung would react/feel if (during the apartment days), his MC started crying (or almost) after that one (or maybe two? cant remember, and im only halfway through day 7 on the current playthroygh) time where he just... got really mad n yelled... hhh his expression was scary,,
getting yelled out is already a lil agitating for me... and I know i would be automatically already a lil sensitive cos i would be nervous from the last few days (rsd would nerf me) -- meaning i would be a lil more emotional/easily affected than usual ;;;
on top of that ive never had a guy yell at me djvdjdj so it would be a lil scary, i wont lie.
wanna clarify: the crying wouldn't be on purpose lol, i would definitely try n hide it. easier said then done though... OTL
jsvfsh this is so long n specific n kinda personal to me?? im sure im not alone regarding the general idea though. anyways jdbdjs sorry lolol-
and im jus asking for your thoughts or maybe HCs? whichever you feel works best!
also sorry if we've talked about this before i have a bad memory-
[417]
btw ur amazing love u
Love you too dear Four! And oh boy do I relate to this. I do not handle being yelled at well and would, without a doubt, cry multiple times in this scenario (/ω＼)
Saeyoung reacting to his MC crying in the apartment
He’s never felt like this before. He sort of thought he’d been through it all: wrung every last bit of love and fear and desperation out of himself till there was nothing left but the things that make him useful: his clever hands and his brilliant (weary) mind.
When you speak to him so tenderly—hovering just at the edge of his space, eyes full of something he can’t (won’t) identify—he feels like his heart is too big for his body, and he can’t think straight, or see straight, or make his miserable mind form the words he needs to say to you.
He’s angry because he can’t understand why you’re gazing at him that way, like you’d do anything to ease the pounding in his skull; he’s angry because none of his words are getting through to you, and he doesn’t know how to make you understand that he’s not the person he made you believe he was. And he is angry because he knows, without a doubt, that he’s in far too deep already, and that if anything were to happen to you now, his desperate heart would break for good.
He knows how to lie (it is, in his opinion, the only real skill he has)—so he does. He tells you he wishes you’d leave him alone—tells you to stay away—tells you he feels nothing for you at all. He raises his voice (but oh, as the stinging words tear from his throat his heart wants to crawl out of his skin and throw itself into your arms).
You say nothing. Good, he thinks; and he forces his attention back to his screen (eyes blurry, hands shaking). He hears the sound of your footsteps as you retreat to the farthest corner of the apartment, and something inside him seems to go with you—since the very first time he heard your voice, he thinks, a part of him is always with you. With every day that goes by, that part gets bigger: soon, there will be nothing left of him at all.
With his eyes trained on the screen (and most of his attention on you), he hears the tiny sounds you’re making: shifting, he thinks at first, getting comfortable. Maybe even going to sleep.
But no: you are so quiet only somebody with senses that have been heightened from years of training (years of hiding, and fleeing, and fighting for his life) would hear. But there’s a whimper—a vague, almost indistinct sniffling.
Oh no. Oh god.
Oh god oh god oh god.
Years of agency training have taught him to turn his back on people who are begging, or whining, or crying—but he’s never been any good at it.
And this is you: and his scrambled mind races, his heart drumming so loud against his ribs he is sure you can hear it. He would, he thinks wildly, do absolutely anything in the world to never hear you make such a miserable sound again.
Before he realizes what he’s doing, he stands. The room spins; he’s weak, and hungry, and angry, and scared; his stomach is in knots and the darkened room seems to tilt sideways around him.
You don’t seem to have noticed that he’s moved; you’re hiding your face in your shirt, back turned to him—and you are still (so very still). He doesn’t remember how to breathe.
“Uh...” he says, and the sound echoes horribly in the dull, sparsely furnished room. You say nothing. He clears his throat, takes an unsteady step toward you. He’s not thinking rationally anymore—not thinking about scaring you off, or keeping you safe. All he wants is to see that look in your eyes again: that soft one, the one that makes his hands and feet feel too big and his skin seem to burn and his breath catch in his throat.
“Are, uh...are you okay?” he rasps. You’re still ignoring him, which is a first; your face is turned away, so he goes to your side, kneeling on the floor beside you. You sniffle. He feels like his heart is going to burst.
“Yeah,” you say—and unlike him, you are not such a good liar. Without meaning to, he reaches for you: finds his fingers (of their own accord) doing what they’ve been itching to do since the moment he first laid eyes on you. He touches your hair—brushing it off your face, tucking it behind you ear.
Your eyes, he thinks (fiercely, irrationally): he needs to see your eyes.
“Don’t believe you,” he says. With a sigh of exasperation, you turn to him: oh, and your eyes are blazing, red-rimmed. And he is the one who has done this to you—he is the monster who has made you suffer.
His mind seems to have driven itself into the ground. Suddenly, he can’t remember how to do anything at all.
But his body moves of its own accord, because his heart has always been eons ahead of his (brilliant and foolish) mind.
“Hey,” he finds himself murmuring, brushing your cheek with his rough fingertips (and he knows he shouldn’t, but now that he’s here, he is finding it almost impossible to resist). “I know,” he says, without even quite understanding what he means. “I know.”
You watch him; and there it is again—just for a moment, that softness deep in your eyes that sets him on fire.
“I’m sorry,” he says, the words springing to his lips before his brain can get in his way. “I’m so, so...I didn’t mean to...I never...”
You shake your head, and your hair falls into your eyes again. He brushes it back, finding that there is nothing—nothing—in the world quite as wonderful as the feeling of your warm skin under his fingers.
“I get it,” you tell him. “You don’t need to apologize.”
“I can’t...” He makes himself take a deep breath, and regrets it instantly as his senses are flooded by the warm, enticing scent of you. He feels you all around him now. “I didn’t mean it,” he says quietly. “Please. I can’t stand to see you making that face.”
You force a watery laugh, and the effort you are making for him is almost too much. His mind races. For a moment, he imagines how it would feel to wrap your small body in his arms—to press his lips to your temple and feel your heart beating against his skin.
“How’s this?” you say. You offer him a passable impression of a smile, and he wants to throw himself at your feet.
“Terrible,” he says. You laugh, and it sounds a tiny bit more believable this time. You are looking at him, and there it is again: that softening in your eyes that makes him think (just for a moment) that there could be a happy ending for him after all.
“I...” he starts. What? He can’t tell you how he feels—what he wants—what he is afraid of. Not here. Not now. Not yet. “Please,” he finds himself whispering. “Can you...just give me a little more time?”
You nod, and there is a strength in you that nearly knocks him off his feet.
“Yeah,” you say: and this time you sound like you mean it.
Against his will, he pushes himself up—makes his way back to his miserable little corner of the room. But he pauses—turns—and you are still waiting, still watching him. Of course you are.
“I’m gonna make it right,” he says, not quite meeting your eyes. Never, he thinks: he will never ever make you cry again.
“I believe you,” you say.
It is the first time anyone has ever told him this.
His heart shivers.
“I won’t let you down,” he says—promises. He means it with all his heart.
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rumor has it
pairing: peter maximoff/reader
summary: Idk if im doing it in the right one but whatever. Can you write a peter maximoff imagine where he has a girlfriend(reader) that has Allison Hargreeves powers from The Umbrella Academy - anon
warnings: none! peter is kind of Insecure but honestly when is he not
notes: this is a shor(er) and sweet one! it is 1 AM where i am so sorry if I missed some mistakes! im on the verge of collpase <3
taglist: @stranger-names @gooseyhouse @parkersdarling @amourtentiaa @toodles-me-doodles
“I heard a rumor you stopped talking,” You groaned, watching as Peter’s lips went from a blur to a thin line. He slumped over, pouting at you with puppy dog eyes. You just stared back at him, your eyebrows furrowed and shoulders tense. As much as you loved Peter, he could be a real pain in the ass sometimes.
“Peter, look, I know you’re bored, but Hank really needs this motor fixed and I promised him it would be done by tomorrow. I need to work, but I can’t focus with you here, dollface, you know that,” You attempt to cheer him up, but he’s still looking upset. “The minute this essay is complete you’ll have me all to yourself, no distractions. My one-hundred percent, undivided attention,”
“How long will that take?” The rumor had worn off, but you didn’t mind. Peter looked at you, and the slight feeling of regret washed over you. He was just bored, and probably a little lonely. To be completely honest, this project would probably take you the rest of the day to complete, and probably the better part of tomorrow. It was a complicated motor, and even though you’re quite handy, this type of project is always a challenge.
“The rest of today… probably a few hours tomorrow--” Peter sighed dejectedly and rested his chin on his arm. Disappointment was written across his face, and it seemed as if he was trying to hide it, albeit poorly. He understands that the work that you and Hank do is important, and he realizes that sometimes he can be a little overbearing, but lately you’ve been so busy he almost never gets to see you.
“Can’t you just rumor Hank into forgetting about the motor for today?” Oh, you’ve definitely considered it. You take Peter’s face in your hands.
“You know I can’t, Peter,” He leans into your touch. It’s adorable. “It’s a violation of the trust and boundaries we established. Plus, he’ll probably get pissed at me and rip me in half,”
“He’d have to go through me, first,” Peter laughed softly. There’s something eating away at him, the gnawing feeling of worry tearing at his stomach.
Peter Maximoff isn’t an idiot. He hears the whispers in the hallways, he sees the way the students look at him when he’s with you. They all think you can do better. They’ve all placed bets to see how long you last before you kick him to the curb. You’d think being a hero would make him more popular, but no. Peter Maximoff is just as much of a loser now as he was in high school, X-Men be damned.
So, yeah, Peter Maximoff isn’t an idiot, but he is a loser. He’s a loser in a mansion surrounded by people who aren’t losers-- more specifically, your socially anxious lab partner. Everyone expected you and Hank to eventually end up together; you were both science nerds, you both enjoyed relatively isolated events, and you both moved at the same pace. That’s probably why the entire mansion was shocked to its core when Peter wound up being your boyfriend. Of course, he loves you with everything he’s got, but there’s always that feeling of doubt settled over him. It was too much, it was all too much and he needed to get away.
“Whatcha’ thinking about, gorgeous?” Peter got so lost in thought, he forgot about the situation at hand.
“I-- ” He sounded uneasy. This is how everything unravels-- he gets too honest and scares you off. Peter didn’t pay attention in history class, but he’s pretty sure Rome fell because some old guy was insecure and drove his girlfriend away. “I just, uh, don’t really want to be alone right now.” Peter thought he sounded pathetic. You thought he sounded sweet.
You looked down at the motor on your desk, the tiny screws and mechanical components jumping out at you like your desk was a pop-art installation. With a smile and a shrug, you pushed away the bits and pieces and stood up, pulling Peter up with you.
“Hank is just gonna have to suck it up and wait another day,” Peter grins as you pull him close. You collapse on your bed, and Peter quickly gets comfortable beside you. His head is resting against your shoulder, and his long arms are locked around you. He plays with your fingers, examining every mark and every scar with the focus of a brain surgeon going into work. Sometimes you wondered if Peter was just trying to memorize every single feature and every little detail that you had. He was.
“Y’know, your mutation is so cool,” Peter muses. You press a light kiss of his temple. “You can literally get anything you want. You could get anyone to do anything for you at any given moment. Everyone in the world is like a video game character to you; all you have to do is give a command and we follow it,”
“I guess it’s alright,” You shrug.
“It’s amazing.” Peter’s fingers are drumming against your arms at an impossible speed, but you don’t mind. “You’re amazing.”
“You’re pretty cool, too,” The drumming comes to a sudden stop. The gentle rhythm of Peter’s breathing falters as well.
“Eh,” He mumbles. “Compared to everyone else, I’m pretty lame. Compared to you? I’m nothing more than a speck of dust in the galaxy that is you.”
“Aw, Peter, you don’t give yourself enough credit,” It makes you sad to hear him say negative things about himself, but that’s part of building confidence. Sometimes you just need to be proven wrong.
“Remember when you saved the entire mansion when Cerebro exploded? Or that time you kicked ass on that space mission we went on? If I tried to rumor you into being cool, nothing would happen because you’re already pretty amazing.”
“You really think so?” Peter looks up at you, and something about the look in his eyes makes you want to hold him close and never let him go.
“I know so.” For now, that was enough.
“Y’know, I heard a rumor that you loved me.” Peter jokes, glancing up at you. You look right back at him.
“That’s a beautiful rumor,” A smile grows on your face. Your companion seems content with that. “Funnily enough, I heard the same one about you.”
“Rumors travel on the devil’s radio,” Peter giggles. You wish you could put his laugh on a CD and keep it forever.
“Who knew the devil was such a romantic?”
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Horse info 101
A horse girl’s guide to the basics for fic writing with an important and lively horse involved:
This got kinda long I’m kinda sorry but not at all lol
There's three basic gaits (speeds with different patterns of hoof-fall/leg movements
Walking is the slowest and is a four beat gait, meaning each foot hits the ground at a different time. Usually the same pace as a walking human when the horse is calm. Some breeds can walk HELLA fast though. Most horses will fill the same spot/hole where their front hoof was with their back hoof on the same side. If they overstep they clip their fetlock (joint lookin bit above the hoof) or pastern (bit between the hoof and fetlock) and can injure themselves.
Now trotting. The middle gait, a person can jog next to a trot at a comfortable pace but if you push them a little horses can trot faster than your average HS track endurance athlete. Once again some breeds can trot HELLA fast. This is a two beat gait in that two diagonally opposite legs are moving in unison. In some english saddles (I’ll get into that later if we have class time) it’s easier to post while the horse is trotting rather than sit for the gait. That just means you stand up in the irons (stirrups on an english saddle, we’ll also cover that later) at the same time that one of the front legs moves forward.
Also, see how the trotting horse’s head looks? That’s how they travel when they’re relaxed and attentive. The tucked head thing you see Roach doing is because there’s tension on the reigns and Henry learned to ride for an english seat not a western pleasure seat (might get into those but they’re really not important)
Time for the Canter/Lope. This is a three beat gait so that means two legs are moving in unison and the other two are not. Horses canter/lope fast. This is the go-time gait. Some performance/dressage horses are trained to canter extremely slow but if we’re talking transportation trained horses they’re not gonna be that kind of slow. Your average human is not gonna be able to keep up with this for long if at all. This varies in speed too. There's a rather casual canter seen in the gif directly below, then below that is the balls to the wall canter/lope that most horse people just refer to as a run. That’s as fast as they can go.
Basic tack names
Halter + Lead/Lead Rope - these can be made of rope, leather, nylon (more modern) but the halter is generally used for leading and tying.
Bridle - this is the one that you use while you ride, it holds the bit in their mouth. There’s millions of different types of bridles but they’re usually made out of leather even now. sometimes you get rope/nylon ones but I don’t trust them.
Reins - connect to the bit and you use them to steer and control speed. Horses trained in western or one handed riding will ‘neck rein’ which means if you move your hand to the right and the left rein brushes their neck they will move to the right.
Bit - the metal piece in the horses mouth. most english riding bits are broken (joint in the middle) and most western ones are solid. there’s a gap behind the horse’s front teeth and that’s where the metal sits. Some horses have smaller mouths than others and do better with solid bits because the ‘broken’ ones will hit the top of their mouth and hurt. There’s also things called ‘shanks’ on some bits which are just longer pieces of metal that attach to the sides of the pieces in their mouth and point downward. This gives the rider more leverage and makes any tug on the reins stronger. (google “Horse bit shank” if this doesn’t make sense)
Saddle - you sit in it. simple right? wrong. There’s two main types of saddles, Western - with the horn like you see in the running gif, and English- the loping gif without the horn. The saddles used in the Witcher look like the pre-english saddle versions but the basic parts you need to know are the same. The part where you ass goes? that’s the seat. the part right in front of your crotch? That’s the pomel. that’s your ‘oh shit handle’ if anything goes screwy (other than the mane). The part that sticks up and keeps your ass in place? That’s the cantle. I like western saddles SO MUCH MORE but i also grew up mainly riding western so im biased.
Stirrups/Irons - stirrups and irons are where your feet go. In western saddles they’re called stirrups and they’ve got wider decorative leather flaps (called fenders, also originally added to protect trousers/legs from the horse sweat and the buckles of the cinch) and on english saddles they’re called irons because they are usually made of iron and rather slim. Geralt’s irons look pretty similar to modern ones, slim leather straps, minimal iron (or steel or any other strong metal really). Traditional english riders have knee high boots like you see in regency costumes which removes the need for the fenders like on western saddles.
Cinch/girth - this is what keeps the saddles on. You take a strap and attach it to one side of the saddle, run it under the belly right behind their front legs and attach it to the other side. Its usually made of a strong fabric with wool or some kind of softer lining for western riding. English riding uses a leather one most of the time though this horse girl hates them because they’re harder to cinch up. English saddles use buckles while Western saddles use another leather strap to run through the chinch/girth buckle and you either tie it off or use it like a belt.
Chest strap - this keeps the saddle from sliding backwards. It’s attached to both sides of the saddle by buckles and between the front legs its attached to the cinch/girth. this is pretty universal but not always used. Geralt uses one though.
Saddle pad - goes under the saddle to protect the baby’s back and whithers (spot where the neck meets the back and the mane ends)
Tacking up and untacking takes time. This is usually 5-10 minutes when done at a leisure pace and done right.
Basic grooming
Brush down before tacking up - you don’t want stuff chaffing the pony while you ride
brush after untacking- helps clear skin of irritants and feels nice
Shedding scraper/curry comb to get rid of shedding hair - if you want a pic of these just google them I think I’m close to the pic limit for my post.
HOOF PICK - keep the baby's feet clean and clear if rocks so they don't bruise but also so nothing get infected
Yes, plz brush their mane it gets MATTED - a hairbrush works but a wide tooth comb is best
Horses roll to itch their backs and clean off, sounds counterintuitive with the dirt but it works
Shaving a little spot for the bridle to sit is pretty modern but it's easier for everyone involved
Horse Colors- guys roach is not brown she’s a chestnut color
The only thing I have to add to this is that the “Leopard” one is called “appaloosa” in the US at least, and “Pinto” is also reffered to as “Paint” and there’s all sorts of different patterns that you can see. also i want a buckskin so bad. yes i was obsessed with Spirit as a child why do you ask?
Travel care of your babies
Horses CAN and have subsisted off roadside grasses and grazing at night BUT it's good for them to get a lil something extra ESPECIALLY if you’re keeping them in a stall at night where they can’t graze.
Hay and grains like cracked wheat, oats, barley and the like are commonly found in horse feed. Also a lil drizzle of molasses is chock full of calories and all my horses LOVE the taste.
also while we’re talking food: some horses cant keep all the juice/bits in their mouth when they eat apples (we fondly call it making applesauce) or other treats/veg. Yes it gets all over your hand, yeah its kinda gross, but there’s worse things.
Shoes. Babe's need horse shoes. Especially if they're walking over rocks and roads.
Throwing a shoe (when it comes off on accident) is painful sometimes and if left un-dealt with can affect their joints and spine. Imagine walking around in one heeled shoe and one athletic shoe all day. Ow.
On that note though, on lighter travel seasons it's nice to give their hooves a break from shoes (also cheaper)
Horse moods:
horse mood ear chart here: I cant add much tbh
If a horse is comfortable/happy/relaxed they will ‘chew’ on nothing. Just kina a little lip smack type deal. My horse’s bottom lip would hang a couple centimeters below his top one when he was relaxed and I would put my chapstick in it while I fussed with other things.
When a horse is uncomfrotable/scared/tense their lips get sealed tight. I call it ‘fish butt lips’ bc they’re watertight and NOTHING is getting in there.
Stamping hooves can be a few things. Antsy and ready to roll, nervous, deadass scared, or playful/excited.
A full whinny is communication - saying hi, warning, scared, etc.
the really soft whinny is called a nicker and its my favorite sound okay? that’s little soft communication and its usually reserved for times when they’re comfortable.
When they’re really relaxed they’ll cock one of their back legs kinda how we shift our weight to one hip.
general fun facts:
Some horses fake limp when they don’t want to work bc they are lazy and smart and realize their person will get off and check them out and maybe even give them a rest.
You do a preliminary leg injury test by running your hands slowly over their legs and checking for hot spots - inflammation caused by injury is warm
Basic horse saftey is never stand directly in front of the horse if theres a possibility of spooking, if you’re gonna walk behind them walk out of reach of their hooves or right up against that ass. If they cant get a good wind up it wont do as much damage (on that note though I rode/trained horses for 18 years and was only kicked once by a foal).
It’s kinda common sense not to walk/sidestep between your horses legs and under their belly but we do it all the time bc its a trust thing? adrenaline? its fun?
laying on your horse’s back sans saddle, and facing their butt is so nice okay, that ass is soft and cushy and perfect for a nap. I miss laying on my horses while they ate like this every damn day.
Horses can sense your moods. Not unlike the whole ‘witchers smelling you’ thing. They can feel a difference in the tension on the reins and in your posture when you’re tense or relaxed.
Some horses will take care of their riders, some are absolute shits and push the limits for funsies. Some horses will only behave for people they’re used to too. Some horses have trauma from being mistreated and will have triggers kinda like people do. We had a horse who would freak the fuck out if anyone walked around with a red had but as soon as you took it off she was the most level headed horse we had.
A good portion of horses (Who aren’t scared of children) will behave better with kiddos or novice riders because they feel they’re nervous.
If they hurt while they’re moving they usually limp but sometimes they’ll buck. It’s their defense mechanism.
Horses can’t sleep for too long laying down because their body weight will collapse their lungs. Most horses sleep standing up.
They can sit like a dog and it’s hella cute.
Stung by bees? Most horses will take off at a dead sprint bucking and hopping unless you’ve done a lot of trust work/training with them
They also run and jump and buck and rear to play.
If theres two horses in a pasture together one will chew at the other’s whithers (or anywhere else) to ask them to scratch them the same way. its very cute and they sometimes try this with people.
horses hug. I cry.
the whole deal with the rider/horse relationship is it’s a mutual trust you’re building. They let you sit on their back and do weird shit and you trust them not to throw you.
Thank you for coming to class today! If there’s any questions feel free to message me! I’m not kidding I wanna answer your questions and I miss my horses so this is fun for me.
@elliestormfound here it is boo! lol
#the witcher#fan fic#writing tools#horse girl geralt#horse girl solidarity#this got out of hand but what can i say
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If you're still doing the song ask can you do Sherliam?
Yes, of course! Sorry it took me a while to get to this one lol but yessss
Song ask was make a 10 song playlist for a ship or character and since I think there's demand for this Im just gonna stick it in the actual sherliam tag!
Generally, it's a lot easier for me to do characters than ships but I have actually thought about this one a lot. I know a lot of the songs are pretty basic, but they work really well so stfu. I tried to put these in chronological order according to the storyline from when they first met to where things are now, but a lot of them would be simultaneous, so yeah lol
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5flNUgIR44PNjUOd8inbgh?si=8ac0229621ba4694
Catch Me If You Can by Set It Off: I made an amv for this song as well with them, and I really cannot think of any song that fits them more than this one to be perectly honest. I mean. Catch me if you can. But seriously it is everything with how they interact with each other. They're having way too much fun with the game, they're playing with each other and leading each other on and both on opposite sides and completely in sync. Motherfuckers are basically canonical soulmates but hmm intellectually fighting each other is basically sex for them.
From The Gallows by IDK HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME: As soon as I read ynm I knew this was exactly Liam to Sherlock. I think a lot of my ships fit this dynamic very well, but. Yeah. Mans is like yes we are enemies yes I'm deeply in love with you please judge me to be worth saving or not so if you don't think you can kill me and I'll be happy. Pretty straight forward there.
Masterpiece Theatre I by Marianas Trench: This one is Liam singing, and I think that altogether, the whole set of those three masterpiece theatre songs work for the whole series, both the anime and manga. But the first one especially. God, it works so well. It's all this incredibly guilt ridden person lamenting their great plan and how at the end they 100 percent plan to let it all be destroyed, including themself, over Yearning towards someone they're not supposed to be with and that they've been hiding a lot from. They've become all lies and fronts and they've had to ignore all their emotions for quite some time, and all they want to do is give it all up and cry into this person's arms even if it would go against everything they've worked for, even if it would kill them.
Collar Full by P!ATD: This one is pretty easy, I think both of them could be singing it at once. They're both awfully head over heels for each other and they've been pining for an ungodly amount of time that their natural state is just Yearning, but they know that if they ever got together it would be a chemical reaction that would destroy everything. All of the world is watching them and they have to hide it or die, they know if they were to be open about their secrets there would be nothing left between them to stop it from all falling apart, so they'll try to be together and try to pretend to be oblivious to why they can't. At this point though, it's been so long and all they've done is fall farther that they don't really care and they would rather collide and let the chaos happen just for the chance to embrace each other. AND "You've got a pocket full of reasons why you're here tonight, so baby tonight just be... the death of me" is LITERALLY JUST THE CANON
Hell by Dear Sherlock: I cannot believe how lucky i was to come across a song by a band called DEAR SHERLOCK? But yeah this one basically delves into Liam in the final problem, in his thoughts and in his letter. He's not in a good place at all, and he's sunk to his darkest, thinking himself to basically be the devil incarnate, and things are coming to their climax, shit's going to go down, and he's obsessed with trying to get Sherlock to kill him and end it all. Liam has been holding back all his emotions for a long time and they're all going off at once and he wants to expose all of them to Sherlock alone, leaving him vulnerable. Even though it's the thing he's always been most scared of, he craves it. He knows he's in love and he knows that's a problem but he'll do anything to die at Sherlock's hands at this point and he's convinced that Sherlock must hate him enough to do it but he'll confess everything anyway.
Achilles Come Down by Gang Of Youths: Surely, everyone knows this song, and it can be way overdone, but once again... it's them. Sherlock is desperately trying to convince Liam not to jump. Liam isn't listening.
Come With Me by Chxrlotte: I've actually made a sherliam amv to this song. I just happened to stumble across it and every single lyric fits perfectly into the storyline, especially in the anime. It's super soft and shippy yknow but this one is definitely Sherlock singing it- he doesn't care if they're supposed to be on opposite sides, he wants to make Liam happy even if the whole world is against it. He'll cross any line to reach him and he wants to always be there for him and even if he has to wait years and years he'll always forgive him and no matter what he believes they'll eventually reunite.
It's Alright by Mother Mother: Man, this song always gets me, but I think this really encompasses how good they can be for each other after it all goes down. They've both been incredibly reckless, self destructive, and kind of fucked up. They each have complimentary problems that make them feel like they're barely worth being alive. But because they love each other so much and they want the other to survive and be happy, neither of them is allowed to die, and they're going to live on together and they're going to heal each other and they're going to cry to each other and embrace each other and learn to live with themselves and get better and fix everything. God, they need it so much, and they need each other.
In Our Bedroom After The War by Stars: Again, I know this song is overdone, but just imagine this after the fall? Imagine this when they're both healing from the fall and learning to live with Billy in America? And like, it's a really tentative time, they're all still hurting so much and Sherlock has got to constantly worry if Liam is gonna throw himself off the fucking roof? But he hasn't yet and it looks less and less likely that he's gonna, so that's one good thing at least. They're able to settle down and try to calm their nerves and get away from the shit that's happened, and they cling to a very domestic routine, at once still so broken but healing and constantly reminded of just how much they have to be thankful for.
Laughter Lines by Bastille: I've always thought of this as a song for nezushi (from no. 6) because of the whole eventual reunion somewhere far down the line yearning but GOD they REALLY DID THAT IN THE ANIME and even kind of in the manga they have still been separate from each other a lot and on like, other ends of the goddamn planet. They spent a long time trying to be able to reach each other and get together, and they finally got to a good spot where they're able to accept it. Because so many things happened and there was a lot yet to be done, they had to leave each other for a long time with no way to contact each other, but they'll be waiting for the time when the other can finally come back and they're both healed enough to settle down. Cries real tears.
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47 and Diana are in the safehouse in Berlin. As night falls 47, plagued by his newfound memories, can't sleep. He wanders through the house and discovers Diana snores and talkes in her sleep. What will he do about it?!😏
I have made this so much angstier than the prompt calls for im so sorry my brain only provides pain apparently
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He was glad to have his memories back. There was no denying it. It was liberating to know the events of his life in order, to have them fade back into something understandable as opposed to the blank, cryptic void from before. Some were better than others, memories of his and subject 6’s friendship, of the rare times he’d been able to sneak away with his bunny before its untimely and cruel murder.
Despite this, the memories were overwhelmingly bad, and none quite as pervasive and frightening as the car bomb in 1989.
He was the one to trigger it. It was a mission like any other at the time, he hadn’t thought much of it. Simple. Two targets, Peter and Nancy Burnwood, their daughter considered acceptable collateral damage. In the end, there was no collateral damage and perhaps that’s the only comfort he takes from the memory, that he didn’t kill her, that he was lucky enough to have her alive today. It’s not comforting because he knows she will leave him as soon as she finds out. He can’t blame her. He’s the one responsible for her involvement in everything bad in their world. He killed her parents, changed her life forever, ruined it without a second thought at the time. He recalls with tears in his eyes how she was there, how she was present when he set it off, that this innocent child had to witness the violent death of her parents. He’s hurt Diana irreversibly and she will hate him forever if she finds out.
Even throughout his career with her, he often pondered morality and his own goodness. Diana became his conscience and urged in private that he wasn’t evil, promised him that he was worthy of kindness and love. He wasn’t sure even then how much he believed her. He trusted her, however, so he did not question the assertions.
He knows she was wrong now. She deserves to know the truth, but it would result in her disappearing from his life, and he’s sure he would die without her.
And now, he cannot sleep. He stares out of the window in the living room and watches the night sky, silently bets on how long it will be before he turns to alcohol for comfort.
There are soft snores coming from Diana’s bedroom. He gulps. The door is tilted open.
The scene before him is like some practical test of his character and self-control. He could come in and watch her sleep, just for a few moments. It wouldn’t disturb her and she would never know, and he could memorise the details of her face, add to his mental depiction of her before she leaves him, imagine what it could be like to hold her like this if they could ever be this intimate together. He could pretend to be one of the few lucky men who have been able to truly witness this, to be able to say they’ve had the pleasure of sleeping next to Diana Burnwood herself.
Or he could do the right thing and close the door, minding his own business as a professional work colleague should, though even that description is generous towards him after what he’s done. He is evil.
Diana says he is good, but he knows she’s wrong. If he were good he wouldn’t want to come in and see her right now.
It’s late and he cannot sleep, he thinks the guilt will swallow him whole if he does not distract himself. He deserves nothing to do with her, deserves to die by her hands a million times over and rot in the deepest circle of hell, but now, watching her silently while she sleeps does not seem so sinful in comparison to the pain he has caused her.
He pushes the door open enough to slide inside and tilts it closed.
The moonlight peeking from behind the curtain streaks across her ribs and reminds him of a bullet that he was responsible for. He feels sick. She deserves so much better.
She’s tangled in the sheets, hair flamed out around her face, and instantly there’s an urge to run his hands through it, to move it off her cheek and behind her ear.
She looks delicate. He knows better than to think so improperly of her, ‘delicate’ is an insult when she is a force to be reckoned with and could kill a man with her sharp-tongued nature alone, but there is no denying the more physical aspects of her beauty when she’s sprawled out so ravishingly. Her upper lip is carved down carefully, brows furrowed slightly, bosom caressed by her silk nightgown and her hands elegantly tangled in the sheets, like a scene from an ancient erotic painting, beauty that could only be appropriately captured by a lover.
She stirs then, and he holds his breath, terrified that he’s awoken her with his selfishness.
She hums something incomprehensible, and the thought that she might sleeptalk scares him. He should leave. Diana trusts him, she does not hide from him. If what she dreams of is something he already knows, there’s no use invading her privacy. If what she dreams of is something he is not aware of, then he should stay clueless, respect her choice to keep it from him and leave, pretending he was never here.
He decides to do the right thing. He pads towards the door.
He’s stopped in his tracks when he hears her moan his name. He can feel his face heating up. He’s evil for having ever come here in the first place. How can he disrespect her so cruelly?
Curiosity turns him around, as he tries to picture the shape her mouth might take when she moans his name, but there is little left to the imagination when she does it again, quieter, and the sight is somehow more erotic and vulgar than anything he’s ever seen, he feels his trousers tightening.
He knows she doesn’t really want him like this. Dreams don’t reflect reality. Perhaps she thought of him crudely once, and he was lucky enough to catch it, but it was a one-off because she must know she deserves better than him.
He’d be more than willing to play out her dreams in reality. He couldn’t, of course, bring himself to ever actually do it. Their shared intimacy exists purely as a fantasy in both of their imaginations.
He’s grateful for his trained stillness as he’s about to leave again, determined that he’s long crossed a line. He must go if he ever wants Diana to think of him neutrally, at least. If she wakes up to see him standing before her so improperly she’ll know of his vile nature before he reveals it.
As he’s something like a metre away from the door, he sees a frustrated Olivia rub her eyes and grumble ‘fucking Burnwood’, then she slams the door in front of him before he can escape and he panics as he’s stuck in a deeply compromising position. The door is too squeaky to risk opening again, but it’s too late, for when he turns around to look at Diana, she’s awake, rubbing her eyes and squinting in the dark. He prays she doesn’t see him.
“47? Is that you?” She calls out, and he freezes. He could still leave. She would know he was here, but it would save him the embarrassing conversation until the morning at least, or maybe, hopefully, she’d forget. “What are you doing here?” She sits up in bed, a strap of her nightgown falling down her arm. The usual excuses for trespassing won’t cut it. I got lost, he thinks sourly.
“I couldn’t sleep.” He starts. How much of the truth should he reveal? Lying to her feels wrong, he knows she knows him too well for it. “I heard you talking, I thought maybe something was wrong.”
“Oh.” Now she turns red. “Well, I’m quite alright.” She tucks her hair behind her ear. He nods dumbly.
“Good.”
“And 47,” she adds then. “What did you hear?” She does a good job of playing off her voice crack, but he can sense the fear in her voice - fear he is responsible for. Why wouldn’t she fear him when he disrespects her like this?
“It was nothing - I didn’t understand anything.” He lies. He must lie to make her feel better. He shouldn’t have come in in the first place. She plays with the strap of her nightgown. He wants to leave but she looks so worried. Guilt greets him again.
“You’ve been avoiding me lately.” She says finally, chest rising in the familiar pattern she uses to calm herself down. “Is everything alright?”
I yearn for you, he thinks. It’s true. The thought tastes disgusting on his tongue.
“The serum. The memories-” he begins, but the following words don’t come. He doesn’t know how to tell her the truth. He doesn’t want to. She furrows her brows together and looks sadly at him.
“Oh. I’m so sorry.” Diana gives him a lopsided smile. “If you want to talk about it-”
“No.” His voice sounds harsher than he intends. She cannot know.
He leaves. Another night is spent alone on the cold leather couch, thinking of her in the dark. Eventually, guilt takes over and he cannot bear to think of anything, so he opens a lager and drinks himself to sleep.
He wakes up to find himself covered by a blanket in the morning, and Diana sitting in an armchair next to him. He gulps.
“I’m sorry about last night,” she sighs. He shakes his head, mutters a protest, but the memories of his actions flooding back terrify him. He’s been awful.
He sits up. She hasn’t done anything wrong, and the shame painted across her face makes his insides twist with guilt. He doesn’t deserve to touch her, but all he can think of is comforting her, so he reaches out tentatively. Immediately she smiles at him and wraps her arms around him. It’s unfair how good it feels, how their bodies seem to fit so well together, and she’s innocently on his lap in his embrace, unaware of how many nights he’s spent fantasizing about this. He deserves none of it, he knows.
“I’m sorry, Diana.” He almost sulks into the warm skin revealed by her bateau neckline.
“Whatever for?” She whispers, and he aches again. He can’t tell her.
“I love you,” he whispers as the tears run down his cheeks and he wonders if she can feel them on her neck. It comes out instinctually, and he regrets it immediately. She doesn’t answer. He prays she won’t think anything of it. He’s pathetic. “I’m so sorry.”
They don’t speak of it again, and he spends every living second praying for her forgiveness, for when she eventually finds out.
When he knows she knows, it’s too late for him, and he’s glad she’s killed him. He spends his dying moments craning his neck up to ensure she’s his last dying image. He hopes Edwards will be kind to her.
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5 times Buck and Eddie accidentally ended up on top of eachother +1 time it’s not an accident.
Read on Ao3 of you prefer
1.
There had been some drinking not a lot, not enough to make them drunk, but enough to make them a little tipsy. After a few drinks they got to talking about their strength.
“I can totally pick you up.” Buck laughed
“No you can’t. We’re practically the same size, and neither one of us is what I’d call small.”
“Im taller and I picked you up before.”
“When?” Eddie laughed.
“When you were shot.”
“That was adrenaline. Doesn’t count.” Eddie smirked drinking his beer.
“Wanna bet?” Buck challenged.
Before Eddie could even answer him Buck scooped Eddie up in swift movement Buck had Eddie in his arms.
Maybe it was the alcohol taking away some of his balance, or the way Eddie kicked around , but Buck ended up flat on his back with Eddie straddling him on the floor.
“Told you it was the adrenaline.” Eddie grinned leaning down looking Buck directly in his eyes.
Bucks eyes were blown wide he looked almost scared.
“Ok...well I’m gonna move now.” Eddie said standing up.
Buck silently shuffled over to the couch before speaking.
“I guess it was the adrenaline.” Buck shrugged.
2.
Sharing a bed with a friend isn’t a big deal they’ve done it lots of times. However Eddies
never woken up with Buck practically directly on top of him.
One arms free and ones pinned down with Bucks body. Eddie is trying to move but the more he moves the more Buck latches onto him.
“Buck.”
“What?” Buck groaned.
“Get up!” Eddie sighed.
“5 more minutes.” Buck grumbled.
“Fine you don’t have to get up, but at least move so I can.”
“Huh?” Buck said raising his head looking down at Eddie.
A blush crept across Bucks cheeks.
“Sorry.”
“It ok.” Eddie smiled.
“Oh yeah..I um..I should move.”
“Yeah.”
Buck finally rolled off laying next to Eddie.
“Sorry about that.”
“It’s not the worst way to start of my morning.” Eddie smirked.
3.
There was some sort of malfunction at the zoo where all the gates had been deactivated. Therefore animals were running loose. Luckily it was nothing too dangerous. No lions, tigers or bears.
The animals were clearly a bit frightened.Eddie saw a zebra running right towards Buck. Eddie instantly reacted tackling Buck out of the way. Eddie didn’t move he just stayed on top of Buck shielding him from anything and everything.
“Um.” Buck cleared his throat. “ I think you can get up now.”
“Yeah uh sorry.” Eddie said standing before extending his arm to help Buck up.
Eddie felt fireworks as their hands locked. The simplest touches make him feel an exhilaration unlike anything he’s ever felt with anyone else.
With the help of the zoo workers, and animal control they got all the animals back to where they were supposed to be.
The ride back to the station Eddie felt the heat pouring off of Buck who was pressed against his side.
“Thanks....for earlier.” Buck smiled.
“I got your back.....always.” Eddie grinned and for a moment it felt like they were the only people in the truck.
4.
Eddie knocked and knocked but when Buck didn’t answer he let him self in.
He rounded the corner running into Buck who was only in a towel skin still slick from the shower.
Buck lost his balance trying to grab onto Eddie, and he tried to catch Buck but with the wet skin it just resulted in Buck falling back and pulling Eddie directly on top of him.
“What are you doing here?” Buck asked.
“You said you wanted to do a guys night?”
“Eddie it’s 3 pm it’s hardly night time.”
“Well I just dropped Chris off at his sleepover.”
“Well sorry I’m not ready for you. I thought it would be at least 5 before you got here.”
“I can leave.”
“No you don’t have to, but are we gonna keep having this conversation with me half naked underneath you, or are you gonna get off me so I can put some clothes on.”
“Yeah..clothes.” Eddie stammered getting up avoiding eye contact.
“Man usually I make a guy at least buy me dinner before we get that far.” Buck winked before leaving the living room, and Eddie felt like his face was on fire.
5.
Eddie sat on the couch eyes closed legs stretched out.
“Buck hurry up.” Eddie said.
“Just relax.” Buck said sitting the plate of nachos on the coffee table. “You need to learn how to wait for what you want.”
“Well I want the nachos now and I waited like 10 minutes. Now sit your ass down so we can watch this movie.”
Buck tripped over Eddies legs and somehow managed to land in his lap.
“Sorry man this seats taken.” Eddie teased.
“Oh? By who?.”
“Me.”
“Really how do you sit in your own lap? Tell me that Edmundo.”
“I meant the seat on the couch, and never call me Edmundo do it again.”
“You only let Ana say it because you wanted to get in her pants.”
“First of all I had more than one opportunity to get in her pants, but I never did because it didn’t feel right with her I was never that comfortable with her to be intimate. As for her calling me Edmundo, she wouldn’t stop even though I kept correcting her.”
“Are you comfortable with me?”
“You know I am.”
“So even when I’m in your lap? It’s not uncomfortable?” Buck smiled.
“Not at all.” Eddie said. “Now can you move so I can reach the Nachos.”
“Oh a guy thinks he’s special until he finds out he’s only wanted for his nacho making skills.”
“Hey I like your spaghetti skills too.” Eddie teased.
+1
Eddie had been on top of it underneath Buck many times lately and he could barely handle it. He already knew he loved Buck, and knew he was attracted to Buck, but lately he craves so much more. After Buck asking if he was comfortable with him. Eddie was sure Buck wants what he does.
“You busy tonight?” Eddie asked as he sat on Bucks couch.
“No. What do you wanna do?” Buck asked.
“I want....ok so you know how we’ve been accidentally on top of each other a lot lately?” Eddie asked.
“I hadn’t thought about it happening a lot, but yeah I guess it has.”
“What if it wasn’t an accident?”
“So it’s been on purpose?” Buck raised a brow.
“No...I mean what if we did it on purpose.”
“Eds I’m gonna need you to clarify. I don’t....I don’t wanna say something wrong here.”
Eddie lips were on Bucks in an instant.
“I want you.”
“How?”
“I want to be with you.” Eddie said.
“No I got that part, but like on my back or all fours what do you want?” Buck asked completely serious.
“I want you on your back. I just wanna be on top of you and I don’t wanna have to move.”
“Eddie I don’t know how you do it but when I have sex there’s always some moving especially from the person on top.”
“I meant like...moving like getting off.”
“So you don’t wanna get off? Sorry Eds if we have sex there’s no way you won’t...my partners are always satisfied.”
“I mean like get up and not be on you.” Eddie said getting flustered.
“I know, but it’s more fun to tease. You look cute when you’re flustered. So shall we?”
They’d barely made their way up to Bucks room before Eddie pounced on him pinning him to the bed before kissing him.
“I love you.” Buck said as the kiss broke.
“I love you too.” Eddie smiled.
“Know what else I love?” Buck asked.
“What?”
“This...being like this on purpose. Eddie I’ve wanted this, well us for so long.”
“Me too.” Eddie said softly kissing Bucks lips. “You don’t have to just want me, you’ve got me I’m all yours.” Eddie smiled.
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