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bosspigeon · 3 years

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a space between the shadows

My VERY last-minute prompt fill for @wayhavensummer, which turned into YET ANOTHER character study of my Sad Werewolf Detective~ Prompt: 🌈First Pride, Belonging Pairing: Adam/Male Detective, Bonus Found Family Vibes~ Words: 2137 Summary: Arlo has some... complex feelings around his identity, his relationship with his closest friend, and who he is supposed to be in a place like Wayhaven. CW for allusions to homophobia, slurs, and implications of religious trauma/bigotry

Seeing as someone actually bothered to submit paperwork this time, Arlo feels it’s safe to assume there will be no (or at least fewer) strange supernatural occurrences involved in this festival. Still, he’s not sure what to make of it.

“I don’t… have to go, do I?” he asks Tina.

Tina blinks slowly at him, as if he’s suddenly become the stupidest creature to ever draw breath. “Yes,” she says simply.

“I’m just a detective, and it’s Wayhaven, it won’t be anything crazy, so I don’t have to be there to keep things—”

“Oh, no, of course not,” she interjects, well acquainted with his nervous babbling by now. He’s barely exhaled his relieved sigh when she leans her elbows on his desk and grins in his face. “We’re going in a purely civilian capacity.”

“But I don’t want to,” he says quietly, and he knows he sounds like a pouty little kid, but he can’t help it.

Tina pouts mockingly right back at him. “I don’t care.”

And that sort of sums up their entire relationship, he thinks.

Adam, of course, is about as pleased as Arlo is. Unfortunately, Adam has not yet learned what Arlo knew by sixteen— that there is no force in the known universe more powerful than Tina Poname's stubbornness. She simply can't be defeated.

"She's a little bisexual juggernaut," Arlo sighs. He's annoyed, sure, but he can't keep the fondness from his tone as he watches her swan back and forth from the safety of the sitting room.

Naturally, Tina and Felix get on like a house on fire, and the two of them have commandeered Arlo's studio. The floor is a minefield of water cups, washable paint, and drying posters. Felix has Tina's flag tied around his neck like a cape.

Mason disappeared the second the first tube of paint was popped open, though his sharpy retort of "I like what I like" when Tina asked what his persuasion was (so that she could make him a poster as well) did launch her into her practiced dissertation on the intricacies of bi and pan identities, and how they mean similar things, how at their core neither are meant to be exclusive, and it is simply a matter of personal identity and choice which one suits an individual best.

"Have you been to a Pride festival before?" Nate asks, setting down two mugs of tea on Arlo's coffee table, carefully out of the way of the map of Wayhaven he and Adam are poring over. More for Adam's peace of mind than anything. It's mostly taking place in the local park, and while there will be a parade, the route is short enough to keep things contained.

"Yeah, once," Arlo says with a shrug, and he and Adam are sitting close enough on the sofa for their shoulders to brush with the motion. "When I was at uni."

Nate hums and sits down in the armchair across from them. "I assume it was… unpleasant for you?"

Arlo smiles, flustered, and rubs at the back of his neck. "It was fine. Fun, even. I mean, I went to art school, so the turnout was great. Nerve-wracking, yeah, because so many people, but seeing your anthropology professor riding a mechanical bull in little more than nipple pasties is one hell of a distraction."

He can feel the scandalized look Adam is giving him, but he knows if he turns to meet his eyes, he'll blush all the way to his hairline, so he sips deeply from his mug instead.

Nate tilts his head, lips pursed. There's a brief twitch of amusement to them, but it settles as his brow furrows thoughtfully. "I'm afraid I don't understand. If you had a good time at the last festival you attended, why are you so hesitant to participate in one closer to home?"

Arlo looks down at his mug, thumbing at a chip in the black enamel, exposing an ellipse of white ceramic underneath. The silence is heavy, and he knows if he lets it go on too long, Nate's going to start apologizing, so he sighs hard through his nose before he barrels on. "It's… it's different here. Back at school, I wasn't… I wasn't the Detective's weird brat. I was just Priestley, the weird performing arts major." He picks a little harder at his mug. "Might sound odd, but I didn't have to perform there, not the way I do here. I could just be Arlo. Not a shadow. Just… the fuckoff huge goth from your sociology lecture hall who just so happens to like men."

He doesn't look up, but he can tell Nate is chewing over the information. As he considers, Adam shifts on the sofa, closing the bare inch of space between them so their thighs press together. Arlo peeks up, and Adam's giving him that look. The one that makes him go all soft around the edges. "I know small towns can be… conservative," he begins, and his mouth twists distastefully around the word. "But I have never gotten the impression that Wayhaven was…"

"Anything but refreshingly progressive," Nate finishes for him.

Arlo looks up with a wry smile. "Yeah, no, it's great on that front. I'm damned lucky I didn't have to grow up with Rebecca's family. It's just…" He shifts his weight, and before he can sprout claws to really start menacing his poor mug, Adam plucks it from his hands and sets it out of the way. "There's a legacy for me here," he murmurs. "One I never asked for. Sure, I don't have to worry about getting called slurs," he chews his lip, "at least, not anymore after the whole Graham thing, but I'm still… I don't really get to be me here. People here don't look at me and see Arlo. They see Rook's kid. They see Detective Priestley the Second." He huffs out a laugh. "I didn't even get to come out on my own here. I honestly don't think I ever have outside of school. Everyone knows everything they want to know about me, because I've been a landmark since I was born. This month, it's just a landmark with a rainbow flag."

Nate is giving him that sad-eyed look he gets whenever Arlo and Rebecca get into it. The one that says he wants to help, but he's not sure how.

Arlo rubs his hands over the worn denim of his dark jeans, picking at a frayed thread. There’s a spiderweb of cracks forming in the fresh coat of black polish on his thumb where the nail has begun to thicken in response to his emotional state. He sighs a little, but he doesn’t have the time to sink too deeply into his own head, because there is a pale hand creeping cautiously over his.

“Why do it, then?” Adam asks, head tilted and brows drawn, as if he truly doesn’t understand. “Officer Poname cares deeply for you. I am sure she would understand if you were honest with her.” His lips twitch faintly, and the smile he gives Arlo is touching in its earnest, if stilted, effort. “Bisexual juggernaut or no. Though, she is only little to you.”

Arlo snickers weakly, turning his face away so he can hide behind the fall of his hair. Adam doesn’t let him hide, though, brushing it out of his face, knuckles skimming the detective’s cheekbone. Arlo can’t help but sigh and lean into the touch, eyes fluttering closed.

There’s a crash and a cry from the other room, but it’s Nate’s startled noise that makes the two of them leap apart as if burned, putting a few inches of space between them.

Arlo’s face flushes hotly when Nate smiles at them, and there’s a mischievous twinkle to his dark eyes. “I wonder what that’s about!” he exclaims, clapping his hands together and springing to his feet. “I’ll go check on them, shall I? Make sure they’re not causing too much trouble.” And before Arlo can even stutter out a… something—an explanation, or maybe an apology for third-wheeling the poor man—Nate is striding off towards the studio with a spring in his step the detective can’t help but find incredibly mocking.

He closes the door behind him with a parting smile and a decisive click.

They’re left on the sofa sitting guiltily apart like a pair of teenagers caught canoodling, and surprisingly it’s Adam who breaks the stalemate by huffing through his nose and turning to Arlo again, reaching out for his hand and tugging it between his own. “You were saying?” he presses gently, his thumb tracing ticklish lines alone Arlo’s palm.

Arlo tilts his head and sighs “I guess I just… Tina’s like my sister, you know? And we wound up going to different universities in different cities, and I didn’t really get to share any of those big milestones with her. She’s not the type to be jealous I made other friends or went and had fun without her, but it feels sort of… I want to be able to share this with her, since she was one of the first people who ever bothered to… to not just care about me, but to care about me enough to…” He furrows his brow and chews at his lip, trying to figure out how to make sense of the feelings he’s never really been able to express out loud. “Neither of us belonged here, really. Sure, I was born here, but I never really felt like I was supposed to be here. I just felt like I was filling a space someone more important than me left vacant.”

He looks down at Adam’s hands, sturdy and strong, tangled up around his freckled, long-fingered one. He swallows. “Tina’s the one who looked at that space, then decided it wasn’t for either of us, and she carved out one that was.” He smiles fondly, thinking of the way Tina bullied her way into his lonely life and gave it some much-needed color. “She made a space where we could both fit. It was messy, and awkward, and we were still outcasts, but we were outcasts together.” He laughs, and it sounds suspiciously wet even to his own ears. Thankfully, Adam doesn’t bring attention to it. “Christ, I’m rambling. Does this make any sense at all?”

Adam is quiet, thoughtful for a moment, but he squeezes Arlo’s fingers to draw his eyes up again. He’s smiling, a real smile, one that Arlo is seeing more and more these days. A man could get addicted to a smile like that. “It does,” he murmurs, bringing Arlo’s hand to his mouth to brush a kiss to his palm. It’s such a simple little touch, it barely lasts a second, but it steals all the air from Arlo’s lungs.

Adam shifts, and his face scrunches a bit. “While I won’t say I am looking forward to the chaos, I am…” He looks up at Arlo again, his brows drawn, his jaw set with the same fierce determination with which he stares down trappers. “I am honored to share this with you.”

It is really not fair, the way he can just say things like that, things that would sound trite and cheesy coming from anyone else, with such naked honesty. Arlo has no choice but to kiss him. He’s rewarded by a sweet, startled noise rumbling against his mouth, but he draws back before they can get too distracted, seeing as their friends are just a room away. If Adam is pouting, Arlo’s certainly not going to be the one to tell him.

“I guess, in a way, it’s a first for the both of us, right?” he coughs, just to ease the heavy atmosphere a bit. “My first Pride in Wayhaven, and your first entirely.” He pokes Adam in the chest. “We’ll have to get you a flag. You look good in pastels.”

“Are you certain the rainbow is not too at odds with your aesthetic?” Adam teases in return.

“Goth is a state of mind,” Arlo replies archly.

They laugh quietly together, shifting again to close the distance between them. Adam turns to face Arlo more fully, their shoulders bumping in a way that is incredibly comforting in its charming awkwardness. “What is wrong with Agent Priestley’s family?” he asks, keeping his voice low so as not to draw the attention of their companions chattering in the other room.

Arlo tries to smile, but it comes off as more of a tense grimace. “Catholic,” he snorts.

Adam’s expression mirrors his so perfectly, Arlo has to clap a hand over his mouth so he doesn’t bark out a laugh. “Ah,” the vampire says primly. “I understand.”

Arlo gives up and collapses against the vampire, snickering helplessly into his neck.

#the wayhaven chronicles #wayhavensummer #adam du mortain #a du mortain #tina poname #i hope this makes any sort of sense #i know i kinda went off the wall w the prompt #but my logic is that there's ANOTHER prompt that will be for the actual festival #so this is more an introduction to the First Pride????#fhdkjashdkjsg if its bad its bad okay #yeehaw #oc: arlo priestley #arlo's issues aren't with his identity so much as with the fact that his identity never really mattered to people in wayhaven #just who his parents are #arlo wants to be allowed to be himself without feeling like he has to live up to someone else first #and tina helped him with that #tina is the one who helped him feel pride #so he wants to be able to share this with her #its not directly mentioned here but naturally adam is trans yeehaw #pidge writes

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barbara-gordons-glasses · 3 years

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Since I’m bored, I’m going to be making a long rant about bisexuality, biphobia, inaccurate representation of bisexuality in the media, and just overall how I don’t feel accepted in my own “community”. To start off with, I’m a bisexual fifteen year-old girl who has a preference for women. I still love men, just in case any of you felt the reason to say otherwise.

Biphobia is the dislike of or prejudice against bisexual people. As you may or may not know, biphobia is everywhere, in more places than most people talk about when dealing with issues in our community and the world outside social media. What may surprise some of you is that not only are a lot of straight people biphobic, but LGBT members are as well. There are LGBT members and straight people who refuse to date bi women/men simply for the stereotypes others have pressed onto us (ex. disloyal, greedy, selfish, etc.).

While some people aren’t aware that they’re being biphobic, there are some people who are perfectly aware of what they’re saying/doing, and that’s the worst part of it. Maybe not the worst to some, but it hurts to hear one of your most loved family members say or do something hurtful and not even realize it. Or maybe they did, and just didn’t care enough to correct themselves.

Inaccurate representation of bisexuality in the media is a subject that isn’t talked about enough, because most of us are too busy about flags and who can say what slurs. Other than that, however, I’d like to talk about Glee, and the few biphobic moments that no one paid attention to.

Kurt and Blaine were talking about when Blaine kissed Rachel the other night, and Kurt was confused when Blaine agreed to go on a date with her, claiming for him to be “leading” her on. Blaine then explains that he actually felt something when kissing her, and would like to see where it goes. Kurt waves him off when Blaine questions if he’s bi, saying “Bisexuality is a stage gay guys go through in high school to feel normal.”

Santana Lopez and her soon-to-be girlfriend played by Demi Lovato were chatting at a restaurant about Santana’s breakup with Brittany, her bisexual ex. “I had a girlfriend - she was bi.” Santana said, and the scene I watched on YouTube cut shortly to Santana and Demi’s character as girlfriends. Demi’s character had something along the lines of, “I think you deserve a 100% Sapphic goddess,” which you may not know, but is extremely offensive towards bisexual women. Santana agreed, and then happily explained, “I finally have a girlfriend who isn’t straying for penis all the time!”

(It’s my personal opinion, but if you still like Santana and Kurt as characters after reading this, knowing they hadn’t apologized for what they said, then you’re trash. I’m not sugarcoating anything. I don’t care if Kurt or Santana were the reasons you felt comfortable being who you are. They are terrible people who only have popularity because of how awful they are to bisexuals and people from the Glee club in general.)

Other than the blatant biphobia in some shows, other media likes to cover theirs up by bringing a bi character into the show, but immediately watering down their label (ex. “I swing both ways”, “Maybe I’ll hook up with a hot guy at the party tonight! Or a girl?”). I understand that while some people don’t prefer labels, there is no reason that every bi character doesn’t like labels. Eleanor Shellstrop, for example (The Good Place). Throughout the show, she had no problem with saying bi, lesbian, pan, and gay casually. But although it’s implied that she’s bisexual, the words had never left her mouth, confirming her sexuality. There are some bisexual members of our community that don’t mind, and are simply happy for the representation, but I cannot express how long I’ve had these problems on my mind, and feel like they need to be talked about more.

If you’re looking for positive bisexual validation on websites like Tik Tok, Snapchat, or Tumblr, don’t. There are so many instances of biphobia on those websites (especially Tik Tok) that everyone ignores. Some of it is just blatant (example that I saw in a post - “I just feel like “bi” women in a heterosexual relationship shouldn’t have an opinion on our community”), while others are a little covered up by adding other common features in front of the sexuality (ex. “Oh, there go the cis white bi alt girls again!”). Because of this, I haven’t felt accepted in the community. Not since I first searched up the word ‘bisexual’ on Tik Tok and Tumblr. But the moment you search up ‘biphobia’ on either of those sites, the first videos that pop up are lesbians making posts about how “not everything is biphobic.” and then tagging the video as ‘bi’, ‘biphobic’, etc. And when they’re lesbians speaking against biphobia, the videos always have more views than actual bisexual people talking about biphobia. It’s disgusting, and the reason I hardly ever talk about bisexuality in public.

You are all free to comment or say whatever you’d like, but it will always be my opinion that there is nothing all that great about being apart of the LGBT community these days. We’re all pinned against each other, discussing who can say what slurs, complaining about flags, generalizing and stereotyping certain sexualities, and just overall showing our true colors behind the screen of a computer. There are children and teens in other countries being raped because their parents or legal guardians think it will “turn them straight”, but we’re here in America or anywhere else you live talking about meaningless things like the reasons I’d listed above. Flags, slurs, generalizations. It’s what makes me embarrassed and ashamed to be apart of such a “family” that has no real love for each other.

#biphobia #bisexual #bisexuality #lgbt #pride month #pride #LGBT+#bisexual discourse #biphobes i actually want you to read this and understand why youre trash <3

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dgcatanisiri · 3 years

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Tried to make a brief summary of the issues of Mass Effect Andromeda’s handling of queer men and how it relates to why we’re (broad use here) upset with the Legendary Edition failing to provide better representation than the originals, and it kinda turned in to what amounts to an open letter for BioWare.

So, what the heck, here it is.

A little personal background. I spent my high school life completely in the closet. After graduating, I had a new computer and the opportunity to play a new game. The game chosen was BioWare’s Jade Empire. Still a fairly recent release, and I was a big fan of Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic, also by BioWare. So, being a young gay man, still uncomfortable and uncertain of who I was, I was very excited when I got to play this game that would allow me to play a gay romance, a romance that featured two men. I burned through two playthroughs of the game within less than a week, enjoying that rush of acknowledgement that yes, gay guys could be the hero. It was a massive affirmation for me at the time, something that said that my sexuality was not going to prevent me from being the hero, which legitimately was a message that I felt like most media was giving me to that point, because gay men barely appeared in anything other than guest roles for an episode or two on a TV show, but certainly not in video games. That game, that experience... I’ve said for years that it had cemented me as a BioWare fan for life.

If I say that now, it is a statement with a few caveats.

The history of the failure of Mass Effect 1 and Mass Effect 2 to provide any male/male romances is well documented. I was excited, very eager to romance Kaidan Alenko in Mass Effect 3. But even then, I noticed that there were things that were lacking in the romance. It was noticeable, for instance, that the basic dialogue between male Shepard and female Shepard was unchanged, if either was starting a new romance with Kaidan. The thing that always felt... WRONG about that was that if I’d had the option to begin a romance with him in the first game, I would have. Yet there’s not even a bit of dialogue that even references that inability, no comment of “I didn’t think you were available,” or anything of the sort, nothing to say that, say, Shepard was interested in Kaidan at the time, but didn’t believe he’d be receptive, didn’t want to damage their friendship, something of the sort. There was even a cut in the romance scene, where female Shepard will sit in Kaidan’s lap before being lifted up and carried to the bed, but with male Shepard and Kaidan, just fades to black. And then in the Citadel DLC, while all the other pairings walked in to the casino arm in arm, male Shepard and Kaidan are leaving plenty of room between them. There’s also the absence of any cuddling as they return to the Normandy.

To say nothing of the lack of Steve Cortez during the story segments of Citadel – he is not part of the big team entrance to the apartment, just spontaneously appears in the lounge room. He doesn’t participate in the briefings, and he is not a casino date, despite being part of the assembled team. Cortez also suffers from the fact that his romance spends so much time on how he needs to move on from the death of his husband, Shepard can come across as predatory towards him, trying to push him out of his grief and his pants. Due to the lateness of his arrival in the story, in game three, as opposed to game one or two, there is significantly less time to establish him as a person – beyond his past as a pilot and the death of his husband, we gain almost no concept of his personality or personal history.

I bring all of this up to help set the stage of what was expected when Mass Effect Andromeda was nearing release. Mass Effect had been full of problems of representation of queer men specifically (not that they were perfect on the count of female/female relationships either, because there’s plenty to talk about there, but as I’m not a lesbian or bisexual woman, I don’t feel comfortable talking about their experiences for them). While there were flaws, Dragon Age, what is often considered Mass Effect’s sister franchise, HAD managed to provide male/male romances in every iteration of that franchise.

In fact, considering that Dragon Age’s most recent installment, Dragon Age Inquisition, had been put out with a lot of fanfare about the first gay male companion, who was considered rather popular in the fandom, and the game itself receiving the Game of the Year award that year, indicating that, if there was any risk in the business sense of providing representation of queer men, it was negligible at most in the bottom line of that game, the attitude of a lot of gay men in the lead up to Andromeda’s release was some variation of “okay, Mass Effect has been flawed, but BioWare’s learned from their past mistakes, and they’re coming off the heels of a hugely successful game that had a gay character whose gayness was front and center in his storyline... We can expect that things will be fine, and we don’t have to worry.” That was the dominant attitude I found in a lot of my queer-oriented spaces.

But we started getting uncomfortable as the developers remained cagey about romance options in Andromeda – there were Twitter responses to “we’re concerned about Mass Effect’s history of gay representation, we would like to know about the options” that came out as “we checked and yep! They’re there!” These responses came across as flippant and even tone-deaf – the reason that the question was being asked was because of prior failures to be included, and not simply a desire to get all the details before launch.

As the trailers started coming out, the questions continued from the fans, and the response from the developers... continued to be uncomfortable. When asked directly for a listing of romances prior to release, the response was that the developers wanted players to learn as they played, that “the fun is in experiencing it!” This was a specific response when it was learned that the romance options could be flirted with regardless of orientation, but they would shut it down. Despite the fact that the trailers DID include content from certain romances – specifically, the male Ryder/Cora and male Ryder/Peebee romances.

This was uncomfortable for a lot of queer players like myself because it spoke to a lack of consideration of what it is like to be queer. In many places, it is a serious question of safety to even put yourself out there to find a partner, to flirt with someone openly unless you are already certain that there is a chance for a positive response. There are places where a queer person flirting with the wrong person can get them harassed, assaulted, even killed for doing so. Even in the safety of a virtual construct of video games, these are honed instincts that queer people have developed. And no matter how many times we would say this to the developers, no one seemed to understand. Likewise, the fact that the trailers felt free to show off heterosexual romances, but not queer ones felt... questionable.

Then, finally, firm details started coming out, and... There were problems. Early data-mining said that there was an even split of romances between orientations. But there was a bit of discomfort around the reveal that the gay characters, Suvi and Gil, were limited to the ship, rather than being companions who would accompany Ryder on missions. There is a history of companions being given more involved storylines and involvement than secondary characters. It also didn’t help the disappointment from queer people who’d been eager for Cora or Liam as romances, who were firmly established as straight (Cora herself had a popular lesbian following).

That discomfort increased when it came out further that, ACTUALLY, Jaal would not be available for Male Ryder. This caused a lot of upset. Now it was a case where there was NO M/M squadmate romance option. This on top of the group of fans who were uncomfortable with the idea that, in a sci-fi series, gay men couldn’t romance an alien, while this had become a staple of the series, considering Liara, the character from a species described as equivalent to Star Trek green-skinned Orion girls, had been available for straight men and lesbian/bi women from ME1, and straight women got in on the act with Garrus and Thane in ME2, on top of straight men also getting Tali.

This got worse when the achievement listing for the game was released and there was an achievement for “romancing three different characters.” Meaning that it was absolutely impossible for a gay man to play the game and get this achievement without playing a sexuality other than his own.

This is why I led with my experience with Jade Empire, why it was so affirming to me. Because to hear all this, ten years later, to see what had been so affirming to me a decade prior be functionally dismissed, be shown to take a secondary position at best... It hurt.

And the game proper did not help that feeling at all.

So first we meet Gil Brodie. Engineer of the Tempest. One of the first things we learn about him is that he has a close friendship with a woman named Jill. And then he immediately tells us that one) she is a fertility specialist, and two) she “says [he’s] part of the problem” because he won’t have kids the natural way. This is immediately setting off red flags to me – I can think of plenty of my friendships where we give one another grief for various things, but I would never think of introducing any of them to someone else with that fact. So my reflexive thought in this situation is “what kind of a friend is this really?”

And then, as the game goes on... This is the only thing that Gil’s conversations involve, the prospect of having kids. We do not learn much more about him, just have him talking about considering the idea. The lock-in for his romance requires Ryder to meet Jill, who Gil again says that she will talk his ear off about his “civic duty” to reproduce, a fact that makes those earlier red flags wave higher and more furiously, because who DOES that to a total stranger? And this is passed off as being “charming.” This leads to the culmination of the romance, where Gil says that Jill has decided she wants to get pregnant and she wants Gil to be the dad.

There’s... A LOT going on here, so let me work through this. First, one of the few things Gil says as a bit of establishing his character is that he is impulsive, that he joined the Andromeda Initiative, the journey from the Milky Way galaxy to the Andromeda galaxy without really thinking through what it would mean, that it was a one-way journey with no way to back out once he’d gotten there. So this is already saying to me that this is not a person who really SHOULD be a parent, at least at this point in his life.

We also get a couple of emails from him in-game that paint him as putting in thirty-six hour workdays into the engines on the Tempest, that he cares about and puts a lot of time into those engines. So when I think about him as a father, I see him having to give up something he’s deeply passionate about to do it, because the Tempest is certainly no place to raise a child – they can’t exactly put a playpen in the cargo hold, for example.

This would be one of the first things that I would think of as a discussion element, but... it’s not there. All that we get is a couple of casual comments about how Gil should know that bringing a child into the world is a big thing, something that shouldn’t be done lightly. But this is framed as Ryder questioning Gil’s fitness to be a parent at all, rather than questioning if he’s thinking this through and having considered this enough to be ready to take on this responsibility, or if it’s even something that he even wants.

Because that’s the other big thing here – this is not Gil’s idea. This is not something that he makes clear is his desire. No, it’s Jill who has decided that she wants to get pregnant and use Gil’s sperm. For all that he matters in this whole thing, he might as well be a turkey baster. He’s basically an accessory in his own story, because he goes in to this with all the passion of a math equation: “The Andromeda Initiative is a colonization effort. Therefore, the idea is to have babies. Therefore, I should find some way to reproduce.” This isn’t him having a passion or desire to have kids, just it being “something you do.”

This is, genuinely, a failure to understand the character who was being written. Gil’s writing reeks of having been written by someone who does not know what they are talking about. There is an element to the gay experience that is not innate but learned. When we realize that having children is not a thing that will just happen, that if we want this to happen, it will require a lot of additional steps, there are many who will simply say “this isn’t for me, this is more work than I’m willing to put in to for this.”

Now, Gil could have been someone who had decided it was worth it, but that butts up against the idea of him being impulsive, that he doesn’t think things through. There is no time given to focusing on the reason he decides this is the right choice for him, to the point that many players felt that this was not Gil’s decision but something that Jill was pushing, that she expected him to jump on her command. Because we have so little of Gil, as a character and an individual, but plenty of him talking up her, this “friendship” feels toxic to many.

Just about everyone I have ever spoken with about Gil is deeply uncomfortable that literally, the only way that he will not have a child at this point is if a romanced Ryder stops him – if I am playing a game where I don’t romance him, I actively just stop interacting with him at a certain point so that this never comes up, because this does not come across as happy. It comes across as forcing a gay man into a heteronormative experience to satisfy some traditional idea of “man and woman, raising kids.”

And, as the cherry on top, if you do tell Gil that you’re not comfortable having kids – a very real thing, whether gay or straight – then, unlike other romances, Gil and Ryder do not share a kiss at the finale of the game. And, during the last conversations on Meridian, the only thing Gil even brings up is Jill being pregnant, whether or not it’s his child.

This is what “representation of gay men” amounted to in Mass Effect Andromeda. A homophobic story that was about a gay experience written by someone who is not a part of this community and does not know or understand the experience personally, going through the motions of development when really, all that is cared about is the end result. To say that most of the gay men I know who have played this game find this homophobic is to undersell the point.

It doesn’t help that, of all the Tempest romances, Gil also clocks in with the least amount of romance exclusive material – a few flirts, the romance lock in and scene, and being able to stop Gil from having kids. Other than that, his friendship and his romance are virtually identical.

Speaking of, the romance scene consists of a make out session that fades to black, before coming back in with Ryder and Gil, shot from about shoulders up, briefly wrapping up their conversation that preceded the fade to black. This is noteworthy when the heterosexual romances between Ryder and their human love interests, as well as Peebee and Jaal, the former having a similar body model to naked human women, just blue, and Jaal, who is naked at other points in the game, have much more involved romance scenes – Cora’s in specific received special attention.

All of this, individually, may have just been reflective of time crunch and other external pressures – we all understand the realities of game development, that for all the ambitions that go in, when the deadlines are nearing, something has to give. But taken collectively... The kindest question is to ask why all of the “give” happened in regards to the gay man?

The end result with Gil honestly feels like he was written in response to the bad faith arguments that had come up in the period after the name for the game was revealed and it was made clear that the game would follow a colonization effort. There were a contingent of people who said that “there shouldn’t be gay people coming along, a colonization effort needs to reproduce.” This is a bad faith argument from homophobes, trying to justify why they don’t want gay people in “their” games. In answering their question, the question they only “ask” in order to explain why they don’t want to have gay people in the game without saying that, it comes across as catering the gay content for a heterosexual audience. It should go without saying that this is a bad position to take.

So, that’s Gil. What about Reyes? Well, Reyes himself is bound to a single planet, which, again, points to a minimizing of how much content he will even get, since his content can only be accessed on this single planet. Likewise, Reyes, as a character, is someone who falls in to several old, tired tropes with regards to bisexual men – he is a shady, untrustworthy character, in this instance literally a criminal, meant to be evocative of the “dashing rogue” archetype. This is a characterization that has often been BioWare’s go-to with regards to bisexual men, because we see this archetype drawn on in Jade Empire’s Sky, Dragon Age Origins’ Zevran, Dragon Age 2’s Anders, and even elements exist in Dragon Age Inquisition’s Dorian (even if he is a gay man). It’s a well that BioWare has frequently tapped when it comes to a romance option for queer men, to the point that it starts to feel like BioWare in general believes that this IS what queer men are.

There’s also the questionable portrayal of Reyes that leads to a description of the trope “the depraved bisexual,” an explicitly bisexual character who uses sex and sexuality as a manipulative tool, that they treat others as simply there to be their toys. Over in Dragon Age Inquisition, one of the romance options was specifically NOT made bisexual in order to avoid this trope, but Reyes himself seems to be a candidate for that trope all the same.

All this, and, again, the romance options for gay men were unequal to those for everyone else. This prompted the campaign #MakeJaalBi – Jaal was, notably, the character initially assumed to be the bisexual male companion, and on release, his romance was heterosexual exclusive. But datamining revealed that there was code for him to be romanced by male Ryder. Indeed, on release, it was noteworthy that Jaal could not even be flirted with by male Ryder. Liam had a distinct turndown for male Ryder, a couple of them, depending on when Ryder flirts with him. Jaal had no such turndown.

And this worked. BioWare released the patch for Andromeda that gave Jaal a bisexual romance. However, this was the only change that Mass Effect Andromeda received in regards to the issues of the romances before support for the game ended. While it was seen as an improvement, it was also questioned why this was the only change, when... Well, I spent the better part of two pages outlining the problems of Gil’s portrayal.

(I feel I would be remiss to not mention there was also a character, Hainley Abrams, who would, upon interacting with her, proceed to deadname herself to Ryder, as if that is the only way to establish that a transgender person is trans. This was also changed in a patch after the trans community complained, and, in conjunction with the above, led more than a few people to wonder if the Andromeda script had been looked over by any queer sensitivity readers, given the earlier issues with Gil. This does go out of the scope of everything else in this discussion, but it is worth mentioning.)

When Mac Walters says players will talk about how Shepard is each of theirs, that every individual player approaches Shepard as being “their” Shepard, he isn’t wrong. He says the characters, and the relationships we have with the characters is the heart and soul of the series, he isn’t wrong. And yet... When I play the trilogy, my heart and soul are being torn apart, because I do not get to see myself in the trilogy. I am not there in this story, at least for two thirds of the way. And in that third that I am there, I feel like I am cared about less than my counterparts who are heterosexual.

The idea that “making” characters available for same sex romance changes them is like saying that there is some inherent difference in a person because of their sexualities. While it’s true that the experiences of queer people does offer different perspectives on matters, it does not fundamentally alter the person, the individual that we are. It does not change our heart and soul. Restoring the bisexuality of characters like Jack, Jacob, Ashley, Thane, or Tali is not changing who they are. Making Kaidan bisexual in ME3 did not change who he was, and restoring a romance between him and male Shepard in ME1 would not change him either.

Every game has some cut content surrounding queer content specifically, and a great deal of that content is specifically for gay players like myself. I said at the beginning that I once thought of myself as a BioWare fan for life, but that now comes with caveats. The caveats are pretty simple – while the games produced by BioWare once felt affirming, now they feel like they’re only grudgingly allowing me to be there. That if I must be there, I should just take the scraps I’m given and be content with that, rather than being treated as an equal.

I like to think that this is not the message that the people at BioWare wish to impart to their players. I like to believe BioWare’s statements of wanting to be an inclusive and welcoming environment for their players, regardless of gender, race, sexuality, orientation, whatever identity and label one chooses. But based on the experience of the last four games, of the Legendary Edition perpetuating the homophobia of over a decade ago... I have a hard time believing that.

BioWare games once made me feel like I was equal to the straight heroes across my media. Unfortunately, I don’t feel that way about their games anymore. Not when, after having the opportunity to restore the bisexuality of Kaidan – of multiple characters, really – in the Legendary Edition, I am still being told that offering representation for people like me is something that only comes grudgingly.

And if that’s what I see now... What does it say about what the future of the franchise will offer? If every game in this series involves fighting for content that, in particular, heterosexual players will see offered as the rule, what motivates me to want to continue to be invested and involved in this franchise?

#bioware critical #dg rants #another angry queer rant #make mass effect inclusive #make mele inclusive #makemeleinclusive

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dameferre · 3 years

Note

i also wanna know abt who am i really 👀

okay. so. ‘who am i really’ is the first zukka thing i ever wrote, started before i had even. finished watching the show lmao

basically i have 25k of it written, probably another 4-5k written in notes and an outline, but i am mature and knowledgeable of my own shortcomings enough to know there’s no way in hell i’ll ever finish it, because that 25k? isn’t even. 20% of the fic if i were to actually write it, like this shit would approach 200k in its final form and i very simply do not have the time to actually. write that lmao

but i’m happy to talk about it! so basically it was the whole ‘oh my god they were roommates’ premise except zuko is sokka’s downstairs neighbour, they fight over music volume, and for the first part of the fic zuko’s a bootlicking son of the city police chief and starting out at the police academy, who calls the cops on sokka for his music one night

aand i just realised how long this is gonna be so under the cut!

so we start from the ‘zuko’s a fucking asshole’ stage and move on from there, and then due to a couple of different mildly traumatic events zuko realises the police system is inherently evil, has his whole redemption arc slash emotional breakdown and quits the force, he gets cut off by ozai and moves in w sokka for cheaper rent bc sokka is a nice person (who’s seen the way zuko has been walking around looking like absolute Death for weeks) and also needs someone to help w the rent

we also start from the point where sokka’s dating suki, and zuko’s still coming to terms with his sexuality, so there’s all that to work through

basically it just goes into the development of zuko and sokka’s friendship, and zuko’s development as a person going from an incredibly sheltered, incredibly privileged life to... the opposite of that lmao and how his friendship with the rest of the gaang grows, and his personal journey, and whatnot, just a nice little mirror for canon except w more swearing and the author talking about how all cops are bastards

it’s all self indulgent nonsense and little bits of shit that popped into my head so i wrote it down, really, but here’s my favourite bit

“So I was thinking.”

“Never a good sign.”

“Ha, ha.” Sokka deadpans. “Seriously though. I want a GNO. Drinking, dancing, questionable choices, might even get some action if I’m on my game.”

“And you think this is something I would enjoy.” Zuko, the introvert who can’t dance, responds.

“You’ll enjoy it because you’re going with your best friends, one of whom is just getting over the emotional hangover of the end of a three-year relationship.” Sokka pouts. “We can even go to a gay club! It’s been ages since I’ve been to one.”

Zuko snorts, and looks back to the TV. “I thought you wanted to get some ‘action’.”

“I mean, I would also be fine with just a fun night out with the gang. But if there are interested parties.” Sokka shrugs.

“Well, forgive me if my idea of a fun night isn’t watching Toph beat the shit out of you for creeping on lesbians at a gay club.”

Sokka makes an exasperated noise. “C’mon, you know me better than that.” He says, throwing a cheeto at the side of Zuko’s face. “I said interested parties. I can be strictly dick-tly for an evening, no sweat.”

Zuko turns, brow raised. “What does that even mean.”

“Y’know. I wouldn’t say no to a girl of the bipan persuasion if she wants to make a move, but if I’m actively pursuing anyone, it’ll just be guys. And, y’know, any non-girl people who seem into it.”

A record scratches in Zuko’s brain. “You… why would you pursue a guy.”

“I dunno, if he’s hot?” Sokka says, looking at him like he’s crazy. “Or has a nice smile? Shiny hair? I dunno, why do you usually pursue guys, Z.”

“But.” Zuko stammers, staring at Sokka. “But I’m attracted to men.”

Sokka blinks at him. “…so am I?”

What. “What.” No seriously, what. “What?!”

“Is this… are you trying to be funny?”

Zuko stares at his roommate, frantically trying to understand what’s going on. “Are you trying to be funny?!”

“No, I’m being bisexual.” Sokka says, slightly defensively. “Because I’m bisexual?”

“Since when?!”

Sokka stares at him, then gestures to wall. “Zuko, that’s been up since I moved in. I know you’ve seen it.”

Zuko turns to stare at the wall, but all he can see is- “The flag?”

“Yeah, Zuko, the fucking flag. Did you think I just thought it was pretty?”

“Is-” Zuko flounders. “Is the flag significant?”

Sokka looks intently, somewhat crazed, at Zuko’s face, like he’s searching for something. Whatever it is, he obviously doesn’t find it. His arm is still held out towards the wall, and he uses it to gesture towards the flag again, more aggressively this time. “It’s the fucking bisexual pride flag, Zuko!”

“I.” Zuko gapes at him, still confused. “I thought the pride flag was a rainbow?”

“Oh my-” Sokka starts. “Are you fucking with me right now. Is this you fucking with me.” He pauses, staring at Zuko. “Jesus fuck, Zuko, there are different flags for different sexualities. That’s the bisexual one.”

Zuko stares at the flag, then back at Sokka, then back at the flag. Then back at Sokka. “Well how was I supposed to know that?!”

“Everybody knows that, Zuko!” Sokka exclaims, then brings his hand up to rub at the bridge of his nose. “Okay, I guess you just. Didn’t know that. Somehow. And that’s fine. Point being, I am bisexual. I am attracted to all genders, I’ve been- I thought- out since I was sixteen. So yeah. I’m bi.”

“But.” Zuko’s brain has been trying to process this information, and now rejects it entirely. “But that. You can’t be.”

Sokka gives him a weird look. “I can’t be?” His face shifts, into something sort of… defensive. Wary, almost. “Do you have a problem with bisexuals?”

“What?” Oh shit. “No, of- of course not! I- I love bisexuals! All of the- um,” Zuko’s mind races, trying to think of a bi person he knows personally, and then frantically widening its search to any bisexual human being in all of recorded history. “Jet! Jet’s bi! Love Jet, he’s, um. Yeah! Bi.”

Sokka’s face isn’t defensive anymore, but it is shocked. And- something else, Zuko can’t quite place. “You love Jet?”

“What?”

“You just said you loved Jet.” Sokka says, sort of quietly. “I just- I guess I didn’t know you guys were at that point.”

Zuko absolutely does not love Jet. Only Jet loves Jet. But Sokka’s looking at him, lit by the artificial glow of the TV, still the most attractive thing Zuko’s ever seen. So Zuko’s self-preservation instinct kicks in. “Uh. Yeah, you know.” He swallows. “It’s still pretty new, but. Yeah.”

“Well hey, that’s.” Sokka gives a small smile. “That’s great.” He places his hands on his thighs, pushing up off the couch. “I’m just gonna text everybody, see if we can get the night planned.”

He walks away, leaving Zuko to his mental breakdown in peace.

Sokka’s bi.

Sokka.

Is bi.

[later that week or some transition i haven’t written lmao]

“Zuko, you know I’m bi, right?” Suki laughs, but the grin slides off her face when Zuko hesitates. “You know that, right.”

Zuko makes a reluctant face. “I know now…?”

“Oh my-“ Suki stares at him, then looks at Sokka who makes a face as if to say ‘see, what did I tell you’. “Ew, Zuko!” She cries. “Ew, you thought- you thought I was straight?!”

“You had a boyfriend,” Zuko defends himself weakly.

Suki looks like she wants to scream. “I’ve never been so offended in my entire life.”

“Now you know how I feel.” Sokka says.

“Me! A straight girl!” She laughs, slightly hysterical. “Me!”

“Okay, I guess I just-” Zuko starts, but Suki holds out two fingers in front of his face, shutting him up.

“No no, that’s enough from you today.” She looks, wide-eyed, at Sokka. “What do I have to do, paint the fucking bi flag on my face?”

Sokka snorts. “He wouldn’t recognise it, anyway.”

Suki turns back to glare at Zuko. “I thought we were friends, Zuko.”

and then in a perfect world this would be followed by a montage of all the times sokka has definitely been openly bisexual in front of ‘still coming to terms with his own sexuality’ zuko who’d just. wrote it off as bro culture

#this au has so many fun things half-written for it lmao #shame most of them will die with me #wow i'm dramatic #if you can tell id just finished my schitt's creek rewatch when i wrote this so can i lmao #dickpuncher #elle writes things #elle answers your questions

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yulmoldauer · 4 years

Note

Can I request a ratty boy fic where the reader (female) bumps into her ex girlfriend when out with Matty and she comes out to him as bi but he's really supportive and does something special at the next pride night (Based on what happened to me in my old relationship)

ok I love this!!!!!!!!!! here u go my friend

Matthew Tkachuk/female reader

Words: 803

notes: not beta’d we die like men in this house. ok fr tho I had a lot of fun with this

“Uh oh,” you breathed, turning so you were facing away from where you were just looking. “I made eye contact with my ex.”

You had been out with Matt for a few hours, running errands and grabbing some things you needed around the apartment you shared before coffee was brought up and you just had to stop to get some, leading to the current situation with nowhere to hide in the line.

“Oh?” Matt asked curiously, not even knowing you had an ex in town. Instinctively, he grabbed your hand and laced your fingers together. “Well, I’d be on lookout but I don’t know who you were talking about,” he murmured, scanning the small shop.

“Um, taller, brown hair, green tank top on.”

“I don’t see anyone...” he offered, but it sounded like a question.

“Y’N, hey!” a familiar voice came from behind you, forcing you to turn around and give a friendly smile. “It’s been so long, how are you?”

“I’m doing pretty good,” you shrugged awkwardly. “I’ve just been running some errands with Matt before we go home. Nothing too exciting, y’know?”

“Oh, you two are--” she looked between you and Matt a few times. “That’s cute. I’m really glad you found someone. I’ve got to go pick up my wife from the airport, maybe I’ll see you around. We go to hockey games pretty often, I had no idea you were a thing,” she kept going, finally letting you say a goodbye and leaving the two of you alone.

“I didn’t know you had any exes that lived here,” Matt said awkwardly while the line moved forward.

“She’s the only one. I’m sorry, I should’ve told you--”

“It’s not like you have to tell me about exes, everyone’s got em,” he reassured.

“No, that--can we just talk once we’re in the car or home or something?”

“Sure, yeah,” he nodded, stepping forward to order both of your favorite drinks.

“I’m bisexual,” you blurted out once both of the car’s front doors shut.

“I mean, I figured it was that or you were testing things out before we got together,” he shrugged and took a sip of his drink.

Matt’s bluntness didn’t take you by surprise, per se, but it was more a feeling of confusion. He wasn’t going to be upset you’d never told him? You knew he wouldn’t be upset at the fact that your ex was female, that was never the issue. That was one of the first things you checked when dating someone--if that would be an issue, there would be a way for you to break up without outing yourself.

“You’re not upset?”

“No, why would I be?”

“I just… I dunno. Sometimes people think it’s a big deal and I mean, it is don’t get me wrong, but I don’t really bring it up unless its relevant. And it just hasn’t come up.”

“That makes sense,” he said compassionately and places a comforting hand over yours.

“So you’re okay with everything?”

“As long as I’m better in bed than her, yeah,” he shot you a grin. “That’s for any ex, though. Not just the women.”

“You’re an idiot,” you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Is that a yes?”

“Dunno. Might need to collect a little more data before I decide,” you teased.

“We have been together for two years, Y/N!”

A few weeks later, you were at one of Matt’s home games like usual. This game was special, though.

Themed nights were always fun, no matter what. Pride night, though? That was a whole other ball game. You got to meet all the fans who may or may not be LGBT, but either way you know the ones decked out in pride gear are the fans this night is for.

You’d wished him luck before he was heading to the locker room and you were heading to your seat as fans began to seep in. A few weeks had gone by since the whole running-into-your-ex thing and, quite honestly, you thought he’d forgotten about it. Hell, you did too.

But when you saw Matt on the ice for warm up and he had pink, purple, and blue tape along the top of his stick, your heart melted.

All the players had found some creative way to include the rainbow in some form on their gear. Matt’s stick did have the rainbow flag incorporated on it, of course, but he’d gone the extra mile tape to tape up the knob with the colors of the bi flag.

Even though he’d probably get something spread online about him and his sexuality, he did it for you. You were the only person that knew that.

And you’d be a huge liar if you tried to say it didn’t make you fall that much more in love with him.

#Matthew tkachuk #matt the rat #I love a rat boy #nhl #hockey #reader insert #nhl fanfiction #hockey fanfiction #hockey fandom #hockeyblr #Matthew Tkachuk fanfic #imagine #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #Matthew Tkachuk imagine #my stuff

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colorisbyshe · 3 years

Note

do you know what started the “bisexuality was invented by exclusionist lesbians” thing? because someone tried to argue with me about it in real life (and saying I should ID as a bisexual lesbian) and I was like. no.

i think it's people playing a very, very weird game of history with lesbian/bisexual history??

what i THINK is happening is a focus on for a significant period of time, a lot of bi women called themselves lesbians (because bisexual was NOT a word that existed in the mainstream at the time) and then bisexual as a concept gained more prevalence and a lot of bi activists (of any gender) got irritated with bi treatment, or at least the lack of focus on bi-centered activism, and began fostering a stronger, separate identity

which can be found as early as the 50s, maybe earlier but i'll admit my knowledge of this era is hazy at best,

but then, much later, lesbian separatism and political lesbianism happened, which was very alienating for a lot of bisexual women because it was basically saying "we'll even accept straight women as lesbians, so long as they swear off men, it is a betrayal to the cause to pursue relationships with men. being attracted to men taints you" and that type of shit. (this is a VERY simplified history lesson, so please know i'm skimping on details)

soooo, this is around a point where a lot of bisexual involvement in lesbian history gets erased and leftover rhetoric from this period kinda filters into modern understandings of bisexual women's role in the community (ie denying us access to terms like butch/femme or reclamation of the d slur)

so now even lesbian women who feel strong kinship with bisexuals might still try to police their access to their own history and culture

and braindead people who don't actually understand the fraught history where SOME lesbians (or even non-lesbians who just identified as such as a political move) treated bisexuals like shit (but didn't necessarily "exclude" them, which is frankly a useless word in this context) and that sort of strengthened bisexual as a separate identity, so a lot of "gay" or homophile groups slowly got more extensive names like "gay and bisexual __"

but like... bisexual vs gay issues weren't a wlw only issue, did not invent the term bisexual, and also like... wasn't an "exclusionist" thing

so it seems like people are taking real historical issues and trying to reframe it around modern "exclusionism" (which either can be as extreme as SWERF/TERFs or as mundane as 'cishets aren't lgbt') which is clearly the same type of brain rot we get from the 'if you think queer is traumatizing for some lgbt people you're a TERF' crowd and the 'cishet aces were at stonewall because the modern business, run mostly by cis white men with little to no ties to the actual community, put an ace flag up front' crowd.

there's no literacy, critical thinking, or historical understanding to be found here

#q slur cw #d slur cw #terf mention cw

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hankwritten · 3 years

Text

Litany

Gen, 2k

Part of the DontNeedADiscord Pride Week, Day 1: Flag

“And what is the meaning of these?”

It was a good idea not to make Miss Helen pissy. She was the Boss around here, and not in the way Miss Pauling was the boss, but like the Boss with a capital B. I wasn’t exactly sure if she owned the building, or maybe the company, or maybe she was just our lawyer so we shouldn’t tee her off because of that, but the way Dell had explained it making her mad was a good way to have your desk packed by the end of the day.

So, I’d have to be very delicate about this. “They’re pins, Miss Helen,” I explained extremely politely. “It’s the first day of Pride Month; I thought everyone could do with a little company spirit!”

“Spirit?” The T on the end of the word popped like a firecracker. Miss Helen could make nice words like spirit or rainbows sound like she was actually saying dog doody. “And how exactly do these pins make you…prideful?”

“They’re fun!”

When she didn’t react, I at first assumed it was because she couldn’t hear me so well through my respirator, but then I considered what I knew about her and wondered maybe she simply didn’t know what fun was.

“Look,” I said, placing one in the palm of her hand. “It has a flag on it! I was thinking as people are coming in during the day, they can pick them out and wear them if they want to, just to show off a little color. See? This one is the bigender flag.”

She held it up and examined it like a jeweler inspecting a diamond. “And you find this…fun?

“Yeah!”

She waited, as though expecting the fun to start radiating out of the pin like a hand warmer. “…You certainly have quite a few of these.”

It was true. Along with the usual lollipops and stickers I kept at the front desk (the former being exclusively for clients and never-ever for sneaking myself one, no siree), the scattering of buttons took up a good chunk of counter space, with as many varieties as I could find. I didn’t want anyone to feel left out, so I’d just kept on printing until I had over three dozen.

“Very well,” Miss Helen said finally. “If it is good for company spirit.”

I clapped my hands in delight, glad the party wasn’t going to get shut down before it even started. So palpable was my relief, I didn’t even notice that Miss Helen hadn’t given the button back.

I didn’t have time to worry about it though, since just then Dr. Ludwig came in through the glass doors. He was normally the first one after me, as he always liked to get an early start down in the lab, and we’d developed a morning routine as fellow early birds.

“Dr. Ludwig!” I said, waving my hand, partly to get his attention and partly to show off the new gloves Dell had gotten me. The rubber ones had been so hard to type in, but these were nice and concealing as well as colorful. “Happy Pride Month! Do you want a pin?”

“Guten Morgen,” he greeted warmly. “Ah, buttons?” He picked up the closest one. “Pride buttons, I see.”

“Here you go!” I said, shoving a bi pin in his general direction since he’d shown interest.

But, to my surprise, he didn’t take it immediately. “Ehrm…” he said, staring down at the circle of metal.

“…Is this not the right one?” I withdrew my hand. Was I misremembering? “I’m so sorry, I guess I forgot…”

“No, no I did say that, didn’t I.” He ran a hand through his hair, sending its usual prim style haywire. “It is just…” He coughed lightly into his fist. “…Would you allow me to confide with you for a moment?”

Immediately, I pulled out the spare footstool I kept behind the counter, patting it as Dr. Ludwig came through the counter doors and took a seat. Our early morning chats were normally something to look forward to, shared over a donut or coffee he’d brought into the office, but today he just seemed run down. As he tucked his heels onto the stool’s crossbar, he rubbed his face.

“You know I am not as…up on all of this as some of your generation, ja?” he began.

“Millennials scare you,” I nodded, pulling my legs into my swivel chair.

“I wouldn’t go so far as to say that,” he huffed. “It is…well when we had our first conversations, and it was explained to me, it seemed to fit. At the time. Having to reconcile beginning a relationship with Mikhail when I still was not quite over Frida, nor really sure why things had fallen apart with us there.”

I remembered. “At the time? But not anymore?”

He sighed, ruffling his hair even more. “Now…now I am not so sure. Being with Mikhail is…quite different than any of the thirty years Frida and I spent together. I am starting to wonder if it was more just that I held extreme affection for her, and I was inexperienced enough that I was able to mistake it for attraction.” He chuckled humorlessly. “I thought I was so in love with her, and that’s why I never even looked at another woman. Töricht.”

“I don’t think that’s dumb,” I shook my head. “Everybody’s learning new things all the time. You can’t be expected to have everything sorted right after coming out.”

“Yes, I suppose,” he said. “But I still feel…guilty I think. Several of our coworkers are proudly attracted to both men and women, and I am aware that treating such a label as a ‘phase’ is a crude stereotype they have to deal with. I’d rather not have anyone think I was making a mockery of them.”

“It’s not a stereotype if that’s what’s really happening.” I patted him on the shoulder. “No one’s going to see it like that. If you think that’s where your journey is taking you, then there’s no shame coming out a second time.”

Dr. Ludwig responded to my words with a hopeful, if not entirely convinced, look behind his spectacles.

“Here,” I said, handing him both a bi and a gay pin. “You don’t have to wear either of them, this is just for fun after all! But if you change your mind…”

He looked at the two pins in his hand, then smiled tiredly up at me. “…Thank you mein friend. You are always helpful to talk to.”

“I try to be!”

After a few more assurances, the Doctor did eventually leave for the lab. Right on his coattails, Dell and Marcel came through the front door.

“Hey there, firebug,” Dell greeted. “What are you gettin’ up to here?”

I gave the quick rundown, pulling my shirt to highlight my own pin since I’d forgotten to show it off to my first two customers. “Pick any one you like!”

“Bear in mind I am saying this as a queer person,” Marcel said, sniffing down at the massive mound of multicolored circles, “this is all quite tacky.”

“Aw, learn how to have some fun, Spook,” Dell said, elbowing him in the side. To show him up, he claimed a pansexual pin for himself, and shot me a wink.

Marcel did nothing but sniff; but, when he thought no one was looking, I saw him discreetly sneak one of the pins off the counter as he left.

After that, the morning’s influx picked up too much to greet every person individually, but during lunch people saw fit to swing by and check things out again.

“Hi buddy!” Miss Pauling greeted. “I heard you were giving out Pride pins and wanted to see if- why are there so many lesbian ones?”

“Well!” I said, ecstatic to launch into an information dump. “The oldest of these is actually the ‘lipstick lesbian’ flag which, in absence of a more generic one, was used without the kiss mark in the corner. The one with the orange stripes wasn’t created until 2018, to be more inclusive all different lesbian groups.”

“Okay, but why does this one have an axe on it?”

“That’s the labrys!” I took the purple and black pin from her hand, pointing as I described, “the double bearded axe was used by the Amazons in Greek myth, and reappropriated in 1999 for its symbolism in female empowerment.”

“Wow,” she blinked down at the five different designs. “That’s really cool, except for the fact I have no idea how to use an axe.”

“I bet Tavish could teach you, he loves his Skullcutter.”

“…I’ll think about it. I’ll just take this one for now.” She picked up the orange five-stripe variation and pinned it to her purple shirt.

“Looks good!”

“Thanks!” she grinned. “And it was really nice of you to do this.”

“Honestly, the pleasure’s all mine. I just like seeing everyone happy.”

And everyone was! At least it sure seemed that way, even if it was kind of hard to tell with Mikhail. After lunch, he lumbered past my desk, picked out a gay pin, and put it on without so much as a smile. I took the muted grunt to be that of satisfaction

Tavish was next, dropping off half a roast beef sandwich since I’d forgotten to eat today, and instantly becoming my favorite person. While I was chowing down, he swiped two trans and two bi pins from my collection.

“Wadda you need two of each for?” I asked, quite a feat with my mouth full of roast beef and my respirator hanging halfway around my chin.

“Haven’t you heard?” Tavish asked with a raise of his eyebrow. “They just dropped a new identity: double bi. It’s twice as potent as regular bisexuality.”

I tilted my head, blinking perplexedly from behind my lenses.

“Ah, just a joke duck,” he assured. “The spares are for the husband.”

“Oh, right.” I swallowed down my mouthful. “I actually haven’t seen Jane at all today?”

“Ach, he came in earlier than you. Left at five this morning.”

“What? How?” I shook my head. “I’m the one who unlocks the doors.”

“Said he was tired of waiting for your ‘lazy, unpatriotic behind’ to start the day at seven. His words, not mine.” Tavish smiled apologetically. “He broke into one of the lab side doors.”

“…I bet Mikhail had something to say about that.”

He sighed. “That he did. They’ve been at it for hours. If there’s another office-wide prank war tomorrow, you’ll know why.”

Oh no. That’s how we lost our last two coffee makers, and our last seven office hamsters. Tavish assured me that it wouldn’t get out of hand, but by the time Mick showed up near the end of the day, my mood was somewhat dampened.

“Everything alroight, Campfire?” he asked me. “Ya look glum.”

“Just thinking about the impending damage to all those nice posters I put up in the breakroom,” I said sadly. “But! If you’ve come here to pick out a pin, that might cheer me up a bit.”

Mick chuckled in that cute little way of his, and already I was smiling. “Might have.”

We were close enough that I was ninety-five percent certain which one he wanted, but I’d learned my lesson with Dr. Ludwig and didn’t try to pick it out for him. Still, I let myself entertain a self-satisfied grin as he picked up the aroace flag.

“Hey uh,” I said. “If that’s the one you like, and uh…since I know you’re into archery…”

Carefully, I opened one of my drawers and extracted the special pin I’d made earlier, Mick watching me curiously all the while.

“Someone on the internet made this design,” I explained. “It’s for an aroace, arrow-ace!”

The flag was blacked out in several places to make a bow and arrow shape, and Mick grinned as he took it from my glove. “Clever.”

“Do you like it?” I asked hesitantly.

“Well, let’s see.” He pinned it to his vest. “Looks pretty good ta me.”

I couldn’t keep my stomach from doing a little flip at that. When Dell showed up, the last to leave the office for the day, he could tell I was smiling even through the mask.

“Everything go well, partner?” he chuckled. “You look pleased as punch.”

“Everything went great! Even Scout came by, although all he did was say ‘hey, free crap!’ and dumped a bunch of pins into his pocket.”

“I’m glad to hear the attempt at company spirit was a success,” a voice from behind Dell said, making us both jump. Miss Helen emerged from the shadows, her purple jacket an entire mass of pride pins, nearly one of every kind. When had she gotten all those? Had she been paying Marcel to sneak them out while I wasn’t looking? “A happy work environment is a productive work environment, as I always say. Well done, secretary.”

“Can’t remember you ever saying that, ma’am,” Dell admitted blandly.

“…Why do you have so many?” I asked.

“These are…fun…are they not?” she sniffed. “I am having…fun.”

Huh. Maybe this is just what she looked like when she was having a good time. I shrugged. “Glad you enjoyed yourself Miss Helen! Does that mean it’s okay to do it again next year?”

“…You have my permission.”

With that, she strutted out, and Dell shot me a grin. I scooped the remaining pins into my bag and closed up the front office, chatting with him on the way to the parking lot about how we could mix things up next year.

#dnadprideweek2021 #tf2 fanfiction

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lemonpeter · 3 years

Text

Happy to Help

Got the wonderful prompt of Peter teaching Steve about sexualities and gender identities from the wonderful @starkeristheendgame and I hope I did it justice and didn’t mess anything up💕

This is all just fun and fluffy, so please don’t come after me for anything (I can’t imagine anyone would but I’m sensitive today so I want to clarify lol)

Warnings: discussion of sexualities, Peter’s age isn’t mentioned (but he’s an adult)

————

“Let me get this straight,” Steve started, eyes following the way Peter grabbed his laptop and set it up on the table in front of them.

“Getting anything straight defeats the point of what we’re doing here but go on.”

Steve watched him for a moment, not getting it at first. Then he cracked a small smile. “Oh. Right. I get it.” He shook his head. “But what you’re saying is that things aren’t just...heterosexual or homosexual?”

“Correct, captain.” The younger man grinned at him, pulling up his google slides app and finding the presentation he made. Was it silly and probably overboard? Absolutely. But he figured that maybe some visuals and colorful graphics would help Steve understand it.

He started at the first slide, glancing to Steve as he read the title.

“‘So, you’re new to the gays,’” Steve read out loud, snickering at the title. “Wouldn’t that be derogatory? Calling them ‘the gays’?”

He ignored the picture that appeared, something of himself from one of his PSA’s. He wanted to forget those ever happened.

“I wrote it, so no. We’ll get to things like that later. We’ll start with the basic acronym-“

“Basic? There are more? I’ve heard about the GBLT or something like that, but-“

He stopped himself when Peter laughed a little. “What?”

“Sorry, sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. Just- the way you said it makes us sound like a sandwich. BLT?”

“Is that not what it is?”

“A sandwich or the order of the letters? Both no. It’s LGBT. And Q+ if you wanna get fancy. The Q and the plus are in the later bits of the presentation if you make it through the first part.”

Steve sighed softly, relaxing against the couch. “I have a feeling this will take a while.”

“Maybe. But you wanted help and understanding, so I’m here. Friendly neighborhood Bi-der-Man,” he joked.

The older man watched him, smiling a bit. “That’s cute. The Bider-Man thing. So you’re....”

“Bisexual,” Peter answered. “The B part of LGBT.” He skipped forward a couple of slides to a pink, purple, and blue flag. “It means I like men and women. Because...I mean, have you seen them?” He joked.

“Bisexual,” Steve repeated, trying the word out. Hearing it described made him feel something. He’d liked men. Bucky, Tony, now Peter. But he’d also definitely felt attraction towards women with Peggy and Natasha.

But was it exactly what he was? He wasn’t sure.

Peter watched him, smiling. “Yeah. And there are some identities that are similar if you want to hear about some of those?” He offered.

The older man nodded, relaxing more as he listened. “Things like it? Wait, we skipped the other three letters.”

“Ah, right. I’ll explain and then we’ll get to the other ones....”

———

An hour later and Steve was well educated on the LGBTQ+ community.

He had absolutely been confused at first, but Peter’s flags and silly presentation really had helped him understand.

“So....” Peter watched him as he closed his laptop. “Tada?”

Steve looked lost in thought, brows creased and one hand propping his head up by his chin. “How...how do you know? Which one you are?”

The young man shrugged. “It’s a process. Some people just click with certain labels and they just know. Sometimes it takes a lot of figuring out and soul-searching and that kinda stuff.”

“Which was it for you?”

“Well...I always knew I liked both binary genders-“

“Because some people don’t fit into those categories,” Steve offered helpfully.

“Exactly. I knew I liked girls because of my next door neighbor when I was little.” He blushed lightly, shaking his head. Childish crushes. “And then I knew I liked boys when....” oh god. This was embarrassing.

“When what?”

Peter bit his lip. “Ah...this is gonna sound so stupid, but I totally had a crush on Mr. Stark when I first saw him announce about being Iron Man. Because that was just so cool.”

Steve stared at him. “Weren’t you...a child?”

“Yes. I was. But celebrity crushes are totally a thing. And you were one of mine too. So.”

He shook his head, cheeks flushed pink. “Anyways. I just knew I liked both. And then in middle school I learned about bisexuality. And I knew that was what I was. My labels have changed a little sometimes, questioning and all, but bi is where I always come back to. Even if my definition is a little...flexible. It’s okay because it’s my label.”

His label was flexible because of his romantic orientation often differing from his sexual orientation, but he didn’t want to confuse Steve with all that. He could do that later.

Steve nodded, humming. “I think I might be...bi. Like you?” He met his eyes. “But I don’t know. I think I have to be one of the ones that does research. What do I call myself then?”

“A lot of people would just call themselves questioning or queer. There’s the Q.”

He nodded again. “Thank you. For helping me with this.”

“It’s no problem, I’m glad to help. I was a bit surprised when you came to me in all honesty, but I’m happy to help.”

“Of course I came to you. I knew you wouldn’t...treat me like a child or anything. You’re helpful. I’m tired of being treated like I don’t understand anything. You don’t treat me like that, Queens.”

Peter smiled shyly. “I just wanted to help. I’m happy to help any time.”

————

Bonus, the title slide of the presentation because I couldn’t help myself:

#spidershield #kinda #it’s not really established but Steve mentions being attracted to Peter #spidershield fluff #discussion of sexualities #also yeah no matter who he’s paired with unless stated otherwise I write Peter as bi lol #I started this and then started falling apart so if something doesn’t make sense just pity me #let me know if I need to tag this with anything else #I’m tired so my brain isn’t working super well #peter parker #Steve Rogers

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cat-sapphics · 3 years

Note

I was going to follow but you’re panphobic.

I’m proud to be pansexual and I don’t know how old you are so I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’re young and tell you some stuff:

If you’re not educated about something then don’t talk about it. Simple. That’s how misinformation is spread. You are not bisexual or pansexual, and it doesn’t seem like you’ve listened to any pan people about their own thoughts.

Bisexuality and pansexuality have a large overlap, I am aware that most attempts to make a difference between them are transphobic (saying bi excludes trans people, which it doesn’t). For me, bi is being attracted to two or more while pan is being attracted to all— like people who use less known gender labels such as agender or genderdoe. My friend identifies as bi and she sees bi the way I see pansexuality- not just being attracted to men, woman and non-binaries but to every gender identity.

Definitionsof bisexuality and pansexuality differ on who you talk too. Some bi people will say it’s only two genders while others will say it is attraction to all genders—and non genders. There are many official articles online about this if you want to learn more about this from a reputable source.

I have always felt more comfortable using the label of pan. I used to identify with bi then I found the word pansexual and it sounded better for me, it fit me better. That’s alright, believe it or not, you are allowed to change your label as your learn more about yourself.

Also, the pan flag is beautiful. I don’t support bi/pan lesbians and I don’t even know who the creator of the flag is, but it’s simple and easy to recreate so I am proud to use this flag 💙💛💖

it doesn't take a bi/pan person to see what's right in front of me. i'm not here to stop you from identifying as pan, even if i could, and i don't hate you either. i'm aware that an overlap isn't always a bad thing but my argument stems less from an unnecessary overlap and more from how the existence of pansexuality when bi is already there negatively affects both the bi community and, albeit indirectly and not your fault i guess, others. i'm not some progressive blog here to convince people, pan or not, to take a stand and try to remove your presence. in my post about it (i assume the long one?) i stated my opinion and why i have that opinion and that's all. if you don't like it, you don't have to follow :)

also, you didn't address how the pan community poorly defines their label - in fact, i'd say you subtly contributed to it by saying it depends on who you ask. that's not a hint or request for you to, it's just something i thought i'd note here.

personally, i like the pink/yellow/blue of the pan flag, but i don't like it's brightness and contrast. that's why i said it's ugly. i linked one that i like better and i think it's somewhat popular over there in twt's pan community, idk. i'll give you some credit for being against mspec lesbians though, cause that's harmful to everyone involved :P

#ask #anon #pan discourse #anti pan

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casseythebee · 4 years

Text

Coming Out

Bingo Spot: Coming Out

Summary: You have been wanting to come out to Peter for some time and you and MJ finally found the best way to do it.

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Words: 1k-ish

Warning: none

“Come on you know you want to!” MJ says poking you in the ribs.

“I just don’t know how he’s going to react! What if he is disgusted by me and wants to break up?”

You and MJ have been hanging out all weekend. Sleepovers and trips to the movie theaters have been a personal favorite for the two of you, but now you are sitting in your bed braiding her hair.

She has been trying to get you to come out as bisexual to Peter ever since you told her. It kind of just came out of you.

“I have known Peter for a long time, that kid is anything but homophobic.” Noticing how you still look a bit nervous she adds, “We can do it in a fun way too! Let’s look it up.”

You grab your computer and open it up in front of the two of you. MJ look up ways to come out and cliques on a Buzzfeed website. There are many different ways they suggest, in a handwritten note, a typed note, on social media, in a skit like Ellen (that is anything but helpful), and your personal favorite on a cake.

“We could definitely do that one!” she chirps standing up and pulling on her shoes. “We just have to figure out the specifics. How are we going to show him the cake?”

“We can ask him to come over for dinner tonight. I told him that we are hanging out this weekend so he knows we are together. Plus my parents have a dinner with my dad’s boss tonight so they will be out too.”

Next thing you know you are driving to the grocery store together with the windows down, wind whipping your hair around, and blasting some gay pride playlist you found. Girl in Red blares through MJ’s car’s speakers and the two of you are singing along at the top of your lungs.

When she pulls into a spot she opens her phone and starts typing something. “Alright let’s make a list of what we need to pick up.”

“Definitely Funfetti cake mix,” you say matter of factly. “And rainbow sprinkles.”

She looks up at you with a huge smile on her face. “You know what we should get. We should get food dye and dye the frosting different colors so we can make it a rainbow!”

“Oh no even better! The bi flag!” you gush.

The two of you finish the list and head inside. You guys run to the baking aisle and piled everything into a basket. You buy a Funfetti cake mix, a tin of frosting, a new box of food dye, rainbow sprinkles, and a black marker meant for food.

On your way back you say to her, “Alright I just texted Peter asking him to come over for dinner, we should probably order pizza to come when he does.”

“That makes sense but we should be quick with this we don’t have a lot of time for decorating.”

You two have fun dying the frosting and flicking the extra cake batter at each other. You end up making a mess that takes you a solid twenty minutes to clean up because she won’t stop spraying you with water.

“Now I have to change!” you yell in a teasing way.

“Even better!” she laughs. “Listen I was thinking you should do this on your own. And I know that face we will get you dressed up in a cute little outfit and it will be amazing.”

MJ grabs your hand and pulls you to your bedroom where she sits you down on your bed. “I think we should leave your hair and makeup more natural,” she explains. “Let’s just do a bit of blush and stuff.”

When she finishes you look in the mirror and inspect her handy work. A small amount of blush dusts your cheeks and your eyes pop with the mascara. Your hair has been left alone to frame your face and fall down your shoulders.

“What about my lips? Grab my vanilla lip gloss.”

She tosses it to you and goes to your closet. “Now keep those jeans on but throw on this sweater.”

A maroon sweater gets chucked at your face and you slip it on being careful not to mess up your makeup. You stand up for one last inspection.

“Perfect,” she says with a nod. “I’m going to go because he should be here any minute. Have fun and don’t chicken out.” she sweeps a kiss against your cheek and leaves.

That is when you really start to get nervous.

What if he is disgusted?

What if he hates you afterward?

What if he breaks up with you?

What if he asks for a threesome? Gross.

Okay, calm down (Y/N). He is not a homophobic perve, it will be okay.

You jump when you hear the doorbell. When you open the door you see that it is just the pizza man.

“Pizza time,” he grins.

“Here you go.” You hand him the cash and take the pizza and fries (Peter’s favorite). You call after him, “Thank you, and have a nice day!”

You start to close the door but Peter’s hand darts through. “Hey (Y/N),” he kisses your forehead, “ooo did you get fries? Thanks, love.”

You scrunch up your face and yell at his back, “Peter I’m gay!”

Peter turns around a shocked look on his face. “W-what?”

You stand there with both of your hands covering your face in embarrassment. You didn’t mean to blurt it out like that. It’s not even true you aren’t gay. You still like men, especially Peter.

You feel his hands encircle your wrists and he pulls your hand from your face. “You don’t have to be embarrassed, I understand. Women are beautiful and any woman who gets to call you their girlfriend is a lucky person.”

“No Peter I meant to say I’m bi! I was just so nervous that you would be mad that it kind of came out of me! I even made a cake that says it. This wasn’t how I planned it!” you babble.

“How could I be mad at you?” He chuckles. “You are the most beautiful, intelligent, kind, funny, selfless, girl I have ever met. I will love you until the end of time.”

“I love you too,” you say bashfully.

“Now what is that cake you are talking about?”

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker fluff #marvel #marvel fanfiction #marvel fluff #marvel fic #Marvel MCU #mcu #mcu spiderman #fluff #fluff bingo #FLUFF FANFIC #COMING OUT

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dgcatanisiri · 3 years

Text

The part that really has hurt the most on everything that relates to the Mass Effect Legendary Edition is honestly not the fact that BioWare has been dead silent on this front for the last four months, not even acknowledging the fan campaign that is saying “live up to your words and claims of inclusivity.” I mean, that hurts, to be sure. It says that they don’t care, that they don’t think we’re a large enough contingent to impact them or even pay attention to. But... Honestly, that’s the way business and corporations go, I was legit surprised that #MakeJaalBi got a response, and so the silence here is not unexpected, even if it’s disappointing.

The part that has consistently hurt, been a repeated dagger to the heart, has been the fact that at large... The fandom didn’t care. That even people who were supportive of #MakeJaalBi were effectively “well, that’s disappointing, but anyway, the graphics...” That was the general attitude and it’s just... Why don’t you people CARE?!

Like... It’s not a matter of this being “oh, well, the game was originally put out in 2007, that was a different time!” That doesn’t hold water - there are mods for the original game that provide a Male Shepard/Kaidan romance as if it had been included, so mechanically, it was entirely possible to use JUST the existing assets. They didn’t need to bring actors back in to the studio or anything for just that one thing, that one correction. If they could redo the interfaces and the Mako controls, they could take the files and flags for Kaidan’s romance and make them work for Male Shepard.

Instead, though... It’s not just that they didn’t. The marketing for the Legendary Edition went OUT OF ITS WAY to not acknowledge the Male Shepard/Kaidan romance. It NEVER appeared in any of their events - the Male Shepard and Kaidan interaction during the cast reunion was just for the friend version, not the romance, their romance is entirely missing from the videos they put out that feature other romances.

BioWare KNEW that in acknowledging the romance publicly, they would have to acknowledge that it was a choice to not include it for the remaster of the first game. And that’s shitty in and of itself, and I’m not letting them off the hook...

...But it was only us angry queers who are already being ignored who brought up this fact. NO ONE was bringing this up. It was never addressed. The fandom just brushed it all off, even the ones who’ve supported the speaking out of prior queer erasure in this franchise.

And just... Look at the history. EVERY. Mass Effect game has had queer content erased and removed - Kaidan and Ashley for ME1 (and yes, I WILL call bullshit on the idea that they just “didn’t think about it” until it was too late to do anything about it, because the game that BioWare put out before Mass Effect was Jade Empire, which had three romances, one straight and two bisexual, so you CAN’T tell me that no one would have thought “shouldn’t we have at least a bisexual male romance in this game?” before the edits could go in). We had a BioWare writer come out and say that Jack was supposed to be pansexual and Jacob was developed as a gay man, this on top of already known dialogue for Miranda, Tali, and Thane. The romance with Kaidan and Male Shepard has a cut from the FemShep version and didn’t have an “I love you” between them until the Extended Cut - as opposed to all the continuing romances. Mass Effect Andromeda dropped with M/M romances being shorted and gay players would need to play outside their sexualities to get the romance achievement. And then this.

With that history, WHY should we believe that, when the next Mass Effect game comes out, it’ll be any better when it comes to how it treats queer men? When BioWare had an opportunity to fix the homophobia that they had in the game, because it was a more homophobic time in society, but they choose not to... WHY should anyone believe that they will be better “in the future”?

Here was the future. They decided to keep the homophobia.

And the overall fandom reaction was “okay by us.”

#dg rants #another angry queer rant #dg gets pissed #bioware critical

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brookswackermanfeetcam · 3 years

Note

You should do all of them questions and 90 is true

I love you!!!!

1. Favorite instrument?

I work at a music store u can’t just ask me this. When my coworkers play it’s the saxophone or the flute, when the boys in the repair shop are testing repairs and they harmonize with each other or try to outplay one another it’s the bassoon or the trombone or whatever they’re fixing at the moment. When I hear 🎺 give his lesson on Wednesday afternoons it’s the trumpet, and when I think about middle school it’s the clarinet, the flute, the French horn. When I hear the nutcracker pas des deux is the oboe and when I hear edith piaf l’accordeoniste it’s the remarkable human voice. Really my favorite instrument is all of them, it just depends.

2. Favorite fic trope? Mutual pining 🥺

3. Sport you played for the longest amount of time? LMAO I wasn’t a sporty kid but I did ballet

4. Shoe size? 10-11

5. Most recent (good) dream? Uhh I had a dream last night about my coworker 🎹 it wasn’t bad though I can’t really remember what it was about

6. Last person in your DMs? smugg

7. Can you do a handstand? Nooo nooo lmaoo nooooo

8. Unpopular food opinion I don’t like oranges or red meat

9. Conspiracy you believe in? There’s some kind of weird weather dome in my hometown around the military base that makes most storms pass around us

10. Is your hair its natural color/style? Most of it is I dyed the bottom layer of my hair tho so it’s blonde rn

11. state a useless fact all that’s coming to mind is outright lies rn hold on. The inventor of pringles is buried in a pringles can that’s so fucking nasty omg

12. most interesting gossip you’ve heard? Idk I don’t really care for gossip uhhhh have u heard tho rin dippindogs is a huge gay hah she uhh she like men AND women lmao gaaay gaaaay

13. Middle name? Carolyn

14. Sexuality? Bisexual

15. Amount of sleep you got last night? Idk actually I think like 9-10 hrs tho I slept in until 11

16. Opinion on ice cream cake? Tasty!!!

17. Opinion on (cup)cake frosting? It’s depends buttercream is usually too sweet for me in large amounts so I prefer whipped cream frosting

18. Last board game you played? Idk??? We played hunt a killer tho last Thursday me n my family I guess that counts kinda

19. Project you want to start? I need ideas first baby

20. Project you’re working on right now? HAHAHAHAHAHA

21. TV show you’re watching? nothing rn I just rewatch bojack a lot if I watch anything

22. Last movie you watched? Lego batman I think

23. Ever left anon hate? Not legit hate

24. Ever left anon love? Yes all the time. Sometimes to strangers it’s my favorite thing to do

25. Best Disney movie? The princess and the frog

26. Best Pixar movie? Soul or Up I can’t decide

27. Best Star Wars? Um. Empire strikes back

28. Last thing you consumed? Fuit gumy

29. NoTP? Idk I don’t really hate ships unless they’re gross like pedophilic gross

30. story behind your (nick)name? When I was a fetus my great grandfather had a dream that my name should be Carolyn Marie but my parents were huge dweebs so they named me Marina after the actress of Deanna Troi in Star Trek. Idk about my nickname ive just always been Rina/Rin as long as I can remember

31. ice cream order? Lately it’s lemon sorbetto I know it’s SO high in sugar but I love it

32. describe your blog in <5 words I love you

33. how many blogs do you follow? 436

34. Describe your voice it depends usually I sound like a sick child but my customer service voice is really pleasant

35. Describe your smile it’s cute :)

36. What is the place you live known for? LMAOOO LMAO we have a military base nearby and like. I could go on abt that one but also like. There’s a lot of gang violence and a lot of the other consequences of poverty. People from the cities around us see us as “””ghetto””” or violent but it’s just. It’s more than that it’s always more than that. And idk what else there’s nothing really particularly special about this town except that we’re all here and not anywhere else

37. What is the place you’re originally from known for? (if they’re different)

38. pronouns? she/any idc

39. Languages you speak? English

40. first friend you made through tumblr? Idk. I probably don’t talk to them anymore :(

41. Person on tumblr you know in real life? my brother

42. First dog breed you think of shih tzu I have 2 next to me rn

43. room wall color? Purble!!!! The paint color is called grape juice that’s why I picked it!!!

44. Song that’s stuck in your head right now? It’s tricky to rock a rhyme to rock a rhyme that’s right on time it’s trickyyyyy

45. Favorite number? 5, 34

46. Color you associate with your name? Red

47. Favorite jolly rancher flavor?watermelon

48. Pets? 2 dogs rocket and groot and 4 cats loki danni who r from the same litter and we raised from kittens, miss kitty who we adopted from a shelter after my boy blue moon passed away and ben (his real name is Kylo Ren thanks to my mom but I refuse to call him that) he is my little baby and he has 7 toes on his front paws

49. Collections? Hot wheels

50. Character outside of your fandom you’d marry? Girl what lmaooo idk

51. Character outside of your fandom you’d kill? That’s mean :(

52. Have you met any celebrities? NO thank god id have to kill on sight

53. Favorite time period in history? Itslian Renaissance & Romantic Era

54. What time is it right now? 2:35 am oops

55. History or future? Future but like . A good one. Or prehistory

56. Space or ocean? Space

57. Fears? Abandonment

58. Command + v and post. It’s this list of questions u don’t want that

59. Favorite season? Spring

60. Describe your aesthetic. Messy just a mess, neon and old buildings and things, antiques, countryside if there weren’t so many trump pence flags still lmaoo give uppp give up, nature just al of nature and space and places humans can’t touch and places they used to touch but can’t anymore

61. MBTI? Infp but I haven’t taken it in a few years

62. What’s your relationship with your family like? Normal.

63. “Biggest fan” in your tumblr activity? I’m in mobile hold on acc to tumblr it’s akky

64. Favorite musical? Sweeney todd

65. Comfort book? Idk how to read 💔💔💔 wuthering heights tho

66. Comfort movie? Whisper of the heart

67. OTP? Girl idk

68. BroTP? Joey and Tristan yugioh

69. AUs or canon compliant? Canon ig idk

70. Opinion on the person who’s sending the ask? It’s an anon!! But I love them

71. FMK + 3 characters anon didnt leave any characters and I was going to say something very bad but I won’t

72. Dream date? I’ve wanted to do this for a while but ideally it would be after we’d been together a while maybe even engaged or whatever, I wanna go to like a Home Depot or a furniture store and pretend to be married and looking for house paints and furniture and plan what our home is going to look like I wanna do that so bad. But idk for a first/early relationship date i really want to go to the zilker botanical garden it’s one of my favorite places, we could also go to the natural gardener which is a plant nursery in Austin I really love it there too and it’s not that far from zilker.

73. Relationship status? Single

74. Ever dyed your hair? Do you plan to? Yes and perhaps. Maybe

75. Dream job/career? Idk anymore I used to have big girl goals and I haven’t had any in a while. But when I was younger I wanted to be a game warden

76. Favorite band/singer? Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky

77. Something that makes you soft/that you find adorable? My cats

78. The first thing you would do if you won the lottery? Buy a house

79. Are you superstitious? Yes

80. Character you project onto? Shizuku tsukishima

81. Fictional character you’ve had a crush on? Vergil devil may cry. Forever husband

82. Celebrity crush? LMAO

83. Person on here you’d date? my mutuals

84. Person on here you’d marry? 🥺 my mutuals

85. Person on here you’d throw into the void? Smugg

86. Other social media you have? I’ve got a photography insta that I barely use and a Twitter that’s just nintendo switch screenies that’s it

87. Finish the sentence: Due to personal reasons, ___________i will be passing away

88. Bad habit? I find it rlly hard to say no or like to say when and why I’m upset I don’t feel like for the latter I don’t feel like I should bring something that’s upsetting me up because I know I’ll get over it on my own and I don’t really trust myself to be upset about rational things. Idk I’m working on it

89. Three things you like about yourself? I’m hot, I’m kind, I’m resilient

90. Ily and you deserve the world I love you!!!!! YOU deserve it too!!!

#askies #anonymous #long post /#thank u!!

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bnha-imagines-headcannons-other · 5 years

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~Sweatpants and Hoodies~

~Sweatpants and Hoodies~ Katsuki Bakugo x Reader

Info:

Hero Name: SuperNova

Quirk: Cosmic Strike~ user has the mythical powers of the star signs. The user’s horoscope is the strongest(ex. Taurus-has strength like a bull) User can also predict the most probable future and can read emotions(not minds) eyes look like the night sky and appear to have different weather patterns based off of user’s mood. User has a natural attraction to the night and the stars. As a result they usually have an irregular sleeping pattern. Drawbacks are almost always being tired and when using their quirk to much, they have the irresistible urge to fall alseep. (no matter on who are what)

Warnings: cussing

Sorry Bakugo’s kind ooc in this

You had never been one to dress to impress. The only reason you caught Bakugo’s eye is because when you walked in, you looked almost as if you slept in your uniform. Underneath your skirt were baggy black sweatpants and you were wearing an oversized band sweatshirt.

“That can’t be in the dress code! Can it?”

“Hey teach! Got any coffee? I’m exhausted,” you ask Aizawa as if he was one of your good friends, not as the feared teacher that had a reputation for expelling students because he was bored.

The whole class looked at you like you had just told then that the sky was actually green not blue.

“Who is this bitch?”

You push your short hair out of your face. Slouching in your seat you frown, but then a bright smile flashes across your face.

“I forgot I put this in my backpack!” you yell out as you pull a Monster out of the rucksack laying beside you.

“She’s crazy! I bet her quirk is just as pathetic as she is. HA!” A certain ash blond thinks while he smirks.

“Today, we have a new student. (y/n)(l/n), would you mind telling us your quirk and some random fact. I need something to boost my energy this morning.” Aizawa tells you.

You trudge up to the front of the room.

“This is going to be good!”

“Uh. Yeah, I’m (y/n). My quirk is Cosmic Strike. I don’t feel like giving details, you have just figure them out on your own. A random fact about me is I, uh, like horror movies.” you say without much interest.

As you get back to your seat, an explosion goes off next to you.

“Let’s see how she deals with surprises!”

With the strength of ten men, you pull an ash blond out of his seat without even batting an eye.

“Now that wasn’t very nice was it, huh, pretty boy.”

You slam him back down and saunter back to your desk.

“YOU BITCH. I’LL DESTROY YOU. WANNA GO, EXTRA!” said blond screeches.

“Sure, but prepare to lose, motherfucker,” you reply, seemingly uninterested.

“Alright, that’s enough.” Aizawa cuts in.

With a glare at the raging teen, you just turn your head to the front of the room.

TIMESKIP

It was now lunch. A pink demon looking girl invited you to sit with her during lunch(you learned her name was Mina during said lunch). So you did just that. It was going great until the boy you were fighting with earlier showed up.

“Move, you damn bitch,” he was so over you and your attitude, so he tried to sound as intimidating as possible. (you can’t spell attitude without tit! lol)

“No.” You just continue to talk to mina and eat your food, completely ignoring the smoking bastard behind you.

“WELL FUCK YOU TOO!” he yelled as he stormed off to throw a tantrum.

MIna stares at you with wide eyes. She had never seen someone react that way to BAKAgo. Not even Kirishima, he usually at least flinched a little.

“Dude, do you have a death wish? He’s going to kill you someday!” the pink girl exclaims.

You laugh at that. You could handle him, you’ve handled worse.

“I just don’t really see the point. I’m too tired for that bullshit and, plus, he doesn’t scare me. I could take him down with my eyes closed.” You take a big gulp of you coffee. “Any way, wanna come over to my dorm after school. You can bring some other friends if you want.”

With that, the girls face lit up!

“Sure! I can’t wait!”

TIMESKIP

The time came for Mina to come over. She had brought the entire Bakusquad with her(minus Bakugo). Your room looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in a week(it hadn’t) and there you were, sitting in the middle of the floor with only sweatpants and a sports bra on.

“Yo! Come on in, guys.” you say without a care in the world.

“Uhh. Are you going to put on a shirt on or something?” Kaminari asks.

“Do you want me to?”

He doesn’t answer, so you just pull on a random hoodie from the floor around you.

“SHITTY HAIR I NEED TO TALK TO YO-” Bakugo had walked past your do as you were just getting the hoodie over your head. He stared for a good couple seconds.

“What? Like what you see.”

With a very noticeable blush, he swallowed hard then said in the quietest voice any of the Bakusquad had heard, “Uhh, I came looking for Kirishima…”

“He’s in here. You can join us if you want.”

He reluctantly came in and shut the door. Looking around he saw a purple, blue and pink flag hanging amongst your metal band posters and horror memorabilia.

“What’s that?” He half yells.

“What’s what, oh, that. That’s my pride flag. I’m bisexual.”

Kaminari asks, “What’s bisexual?”

“Idiot. She likes both girls and boys.” Mina answers for you.

You let out a laugh.

“Why do I like that laugh so damn much. I just met this girl.”

They start to ask you all kinds of questions, by the time they leave it was well past midnight.

Before Bakugo left though, he looks at your tired form and says under his breath, “Why do have to be so damn attractive in just sweatpants and a bra. Fuck.” He says the last bit a little louder than intended.

“What?”

“NOTHING! GO TO SLEEP SHITHEAD!”

You were sure you heard him wrong, but went to sleep anyway.

TIMESKIP

The next day, Bakugo seemed really off. He didn’t look or talk to anyone.

“Maybe if I don’t talk to her this feeling will go away.”

Today is a lift day. The whole class goes to the UA weight room for three hours, then gets the rest of the day off. You, of course, could lift the most. Even more than Kirishima who looked like he worked out everyday. Three hours flew by without the yelling and taunting from the ash blond. The silence from him was weird. Everyone was uncomfortable.

Soon you went back to your dorm and changed into your favorite sweatpants and a hoodie with a flaming skull on it. It hadn’t been more than ten minutes before you heard a knock on the door.

“Coming, what’s u-” it was Bakugo, “what do you want?”

He looked terrified. “Uhh. Do you, um, want to go to the movies with me?” He looked staright at the floor and standing stiff as a board.

“Sure, but I’m not changing. Idiot” you smirk.

“I would have it any fucking way.”

Should I do a part 2?

-gator

#bakugou katsuki #bakugou katsuki x reader #BNHA #x reader #fanfic #bnha bakugo katsuki

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fantasyfandommaiden · 5 years

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ML Counsellor AU: Pride Parade

Adrien is attending Pride for the first time this year with his friends, what he doesn’t expect is to see someone so close or home attending, and to find out they have a social life outside of work.

[[MORE]]

So what if Adrien neglected to mention that he was meeting up with his friends there to walk in the Pride Parade and hang out?

Adrien had been so excited that he almost didn’t notice that Nathalie wasn’t there, until he remembered that she had booked a personal day. Probably to do taxes or something boring like that.

He brings a backpack with him in the limo, smiling widely with excitement as he bounced in his seat, waiting until the house was out of view before changing into a different shirt. The new graphic shirt had a slogan on it that said ‘Will I turn everything into a Bisexual pun? Pro-Bi-ly!’, he also put on a white baseball cap and some sunglasses to help protect his identity. He still wore his jeans regular jeans, so Plagg could hang out in his pocket.

When he exited the limo, Gorilla saw all of his classmates in an array of different flag colours and get ups, and he looked at Adrien’s shirt with a raised brow. Adrien was momentarily worried he would force Adrien to go back the house, since he wasn’t full truthful about his outing. However he noticed that the Gorilla had a button on his lapel, upon a closer look he noted that it was a button of the Asexual flag.

Adrien smiled brightly, looking up at the Gorilla who simply nodded, as Adrien bolted towards his friends. There were quite a few people here besides his classmates for pride if the bright colours were any indication. Some were even wearing some pretty outrageous outfits of tutus, togas, and he even saw a bright pant suite a woman was wearing in different shades of pink with orange trim.

Nino was wearing a ‘Straight Ally’ shirt, along with Ivan. Chloe was wearing her usual outfit but it was in the bisexual colours, she was talking with Sabrina who was wearing a cute romper that was made up of the Asexual flag colours. Alya was wearing rainbow suspenders, and on the suspenders it all buttons of every pride flag, and her shirt had a giant question mark on it.

Marinette was wearing a cute overalls outfits made up of the Pansexual colours, her hair in two buns on the top of her head. She looked adorable!

“Bro! Glad you could make it! You snuck out on your dad and Nathalie?” Nino asked as he gave Adrien a hug, causing Adrien to laugh.

“No, I asked father for the day off. With so much happening today with Pride, I don’t think he noticed, besides, Nathalie has the day off, she is probably doing taxes or something-“

“Adrien?” He heard a feminine voice ask.

Adrien froze momentarily, looking behind him to see the woman who was wearing the pant suit in different shades of pink. He noted that the woman was wearing a deep plunge neckline revealing a tattoo of some sort of weird squiggly line (He knew when a woman was wearing clothes to be attention seeking, this was just to show off the tattoo is seemed). He looked up at the dark haired woman, didn’t recognize her for a moment before realizing to his horror it was Nathalie.

She wasn’t wearing her glasses, and her hair was down so it reached her mid back. The fact she was wearing a pink suit instead of her usual dark blue one also threw him through a loop.

“Y-y-you have a tattoo!” Adrien said, starring at it. Nathalie snapped her fingers a few in front of his face to get his attention and to stop him from starring at her chest.

“Yes, I do.” She stated in a matter of fact tone, clearly not amused at his loud statement before looking at the group behind him, than at Adrien himself.

Adrien knew that look on her face, it was the ‘I’m gonna need to call his father’, and he slowly took off his hat and sunglasses, only for Nathalie to suddenly begin to mess up his hair, a lot and put his hat back on very quickly along with his sunglasses “Wh- Nathalie!”

“Is your driver the only adult attending with the group?” Nathalie asked, looking at Adrien and the group as she adjusted the hat so it was further down on his face.

“Um,... yes?” He asked slowly. Nathalie gave a slight scowl at that, looking at the group “Is this your first time attending without adult supervision?” She asked the group. Most of them nodded, and Nathalie stood up straighter “Alright.”

She took Adrien’s arm and almost dragged him towards Nino, Alya, and Marinette “This is your group.” She said to Adrien, pointing at Nino “He is your buddy.”

“Nathalie, I know Nino is my friend-“ Adrien began somewhat embarassed.

“No, not your friend Adrien. Nino is your safety buddy.” Nathalie explained “Or it can be Alya, or Marinette, but you need to pick someone who will remain by your side throughout this entire parade and afterwards until you are in the car with your driver at the end of the day.” She stated to him.

Alya, seeming to see an opportunity, linked arms with Nino and gave Marinette a gently shove towards Adrien. The two teens gave each other shy smiles, seeming like their buddies were chosen for them.

Nathalie glanced at Chloe, wondering if the girl was going to make a scene but it looked like she had already paired with her friend Sabrina, and the rest of the class as well, seeming to like the idea.

“Good.” Nathalie began “Now listen, I know your drive will be close by, but if you take your eyes off your drink for a second, even if you just bought it, that drink is DEAD to you, you throw it out, got it?” Nathalie said to the entire group.

“Um... Mlle Sancoeur, we won’t be drinking, weren’t not old enough.” Rose pipped up, and Nathalie looked at her with a raised brow and was about to continue before another voice interrupted her.

“She means any drink really.” They all looked over and saw a figure walk up to the group. The first thing they noticed about the new person was the fact they had bright pink hair, even brighter than Alix’s, it was slicked back to give off a masculine aura. They were also wearing a white coloured shirt with black pants with black dress shoes, and rainbow suspenders, a large pin on their shirt that read ‘They/Them’ on it.

The person walked right up to Nathalie, slinging an arm around her shoulders as they grinned widely “How’s my favourite stick in the mud?” The person asked affectionately.

Nathalie looked at the person with a raised brow “Thistle, your late.” She stated simply, but gave a slight smile and placed her own arm around Thistle’s shoulders in a familiar manner. “But What my friend Thistle is saying is true.” Nathalie continued, looking at the pin momentarily to look at the pronoun “Both they and I mean any drink. Water, juice, pop, you take your eyes off it for a second, it’s dead, you throw it out.”

“Also if anyone gives you a hard time or won’t leave you alone, find a one of the staff members or a trusted adult to handle the situation.” Came another voice, and all the students looked over to see two men walk up.

One they recognized as Blaine Bishop, the investigative reporter that came to talk to them about false journalism a few months ago, Alya had been in semi-constant contact with him since than, getting his advice on different articles she would write. He was wearing a light pair of jeans, and white tee shirt with rainbow paint all over it, his trusted camera around his neck.

Beside him was a man most of the students had never seen before, but Sabrina recognized him as Lloyd Chevalier, the head prosecuting attorney of the city, her dad often worked with him. He had dark hair, and extremely light blue eyes to the point of them being grey. He was wearing a dark pair of jeans with a black shirt that stated ‘Bisexual Knight’ on it, with a knights helmet in the colours of the bisexual flag.

He smiled at Nathalie “Giving a group of kids the safety how tos Nath?” He asked, to which Nathalie rolled her eyes.

“Someone has to Lloyd.” She told him smiling, which was a rare site for Adrien. She looked back to Adrien “Do you have your cellphone?”

“Yes.”

“Is it full charged?”

“Yes.”

“Where is your emergency meet up place?”

“The limo, which is going to be parked behind the library.”

“You have to keep your hat and sunglasses on so no one recognizes you, okay? We don’t need you being mobbed by fans.”

“Right.”

“The second anything happens that makes you uncomfortable, what do you do?”

“Stay calm, get out of the situation, find Gori- my driver.”

“Who is your safety buddy?”

“Marinette.”

Marinette blushed a bright red at that, but took a deep breath to calm herself before nodding as well with Adrien. Suddenly, this day had gotten so much better for her, she was absolutely giddy.

“Sorry I’m late!” Called a familiar voice. Everyone looked over and saw Carmine run up, wearing a flowy, Greek inspired dress in the colours of the bisexual flag, her hair was down and she was wearing a flower crown “Gah, parking is a nightmare during pride-“ she blinked several times, seeing the students “... did Nathalie already give you the run down for how to be safe at Pride?”

“Yes.” They all called back.

“Sweet, cause it’s about to start!” Carmine said before linking arms with Thistle and Nathalie “Ladies, Gentlemen, Thistle. Let’s go!” She said, leading the group ahead, Nathalie looked over her shoulder and called to Adrien “Make sure you text me when I get home so I know you arrive safe and sound!” She called back as Carmine continued to drag her away.

Nathalie looked at Carmine, letting out a laugh as they walked.

Adrien looked at Nathalie walk away with her friends, a small smile on her face. Maybe she did do fun things as well.

#ml au #ladybug au #counsellor au #carmine regal #nathalie sancoeur #pride 2019 #ladybug pride

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mattzerella-sticks · 5 years

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Park Your Car in My Gay-rage

Castiel moved out West so he could live freely and with pride. However an anonymous act of bigotry chips away at his faith that he can live life without facing prejudice. And with each repair shop that turns him down the cracks keep growing. Why would Singer's Auto be any different?

Will his car ever be fixed? And could a certain mechanic restore more than just his car?

(Link to ao3)

Castiel slumps against his car, snapping his cell phone shut in frustration. Banging his hand against the hood he grumbles out a string of expletives as he gives up hope. Meg, leaning against the hood, drums her fingers on the closed Yellow Pages while watching him.

“So,” Meg says, “it a bust, too?”

He sighs, tapping his phone on his forehead. “More than that. The mechanic laughed me off after I told him what I needed and had a few choice opinions to tell me.”

Meg’s lips purse, and she steps back onto the sidewalk to stare at the rough scratches across her friend’s beige paint. The word was interrupted by the open driver seat’s door, but when closed all together the crude artist spelled out ‘FAGGOT’. “Maybe he knew the jackass who did this…”

Castiel ignores her, chewing on his lip. “How am I going to get this fixed…? I can’t drive around town like this.”

“And I’m sick and tired of looking through that thing,” she jerks her thumb at the offensive phone book, “Do you ever think searching for stuff will be easier? Like, I don’t know… all these names and numbers stored somewhere and it’d only take a few seconds to find exactly what you’re looking for?”

Frown slashed heavily across his face, Castiel turns to glare at her. “What the hell are you talking about?”

She shrugs, “I don’t know… digging through that reminded me of this girl I went out with a couple’a times. Total geek, spent at least two dates going on and on about those huge, clunky computer things. Think she lived in an Internet Café… wait a minute!” She digs into her leather jacket pocket and pulls out her phone, flicking it open and clicking away.

He hops off his car, stepping closer out of curiosity. “What are you doing?”

“I just remembered,” she starts, not even looking at him, “she mentioned how she works at this garage –“

“Meg, we’ve tried all the garages in the area –“

“C’mon, trust me,” Meg continues, “place has to be good if they hired a lesbian.”

Castiel rolls his eyes. “Forgive me if I don’t trust straight men’s views on lesbianism.” At that Meg stops staring at her phone to shoot Castiel a flat look. He hisses out a breath and runs tired fingers through his hair. “Sorry, I’m just tired and frustrated about all this… why is it so hard to find somebody for a body job?”

“Because unfortunately most people today are ignorant, Clarence,” Meg tells him, holding her phone against her ear, “And we’re not going to see any real change for years… maybe not until we’re all old and shriveled and grey.”

Huffing, Castiel crosses his arms against his chest and spins on his heel. He lets Meg talk to his back, done with their bleak conversation. Still, a part of him agrees with her opinion of the future for those like them. It wasn’t too long ago Castiel was trapped in his old hometown in Illinois, looking over his shoulder every weeknight to make sure no one followed him home. Fearful that one day his face would be a blip in the newsreel, another name to add to the wall like Matthew Shepard.

“I moved here to escape all that,” he mumbles to himself, “but apparently hatred can grow anywhere… even in California.”

Meg hops onto his back, interrupting his musings. She chokes him, forcing him to twirl her around until Castiel can pry her arms off of him. After wheezing in a good-sized breath, he asks what that was about.

“They’d be happy to take a look,” Meg says, “Free of charge!”

Castiel blinks at her. “What?”

“I told you this was a good place, Clarence. Hurry up though, they’re not gonna keep the shop open for you.” She rattles off the directions, having to repeat herself once Castiel shakes away the dazed look in his eye. “…And when you get there you’re supposed to ask for Dean,” she finishes, “Dean Winchester.”

“Why?”

“Guy overheard us talking and said he’d take care of it personally.”

“But… why?”

She shrugs, “Who knows, but he’s waving his fees. Don’t look a gift mechanic in the mouth, my gorgeous unicorn.” Meg pockets her phone and skips backwards, waving goodbye.

“Wait,” Castiel follows her, “you’re not coming with?”

“Band practice,” she says, “I’ve gotta swing over to my place and pick up my bass. You’ll do fine!” With a loud smack of her lips she disappears behind a corner, off on her own way.

Castiel waits a beat before he actually leaves. He starts the engine, idling some more to switch out the CD in the drive, so instead of blasting Indigo Girls he could drive to the music of the Cranberries. Skipping until he reached ‘Zombie’, Castiel nods his head along as he begins his journey over to Singer’s Auto Repair.

It wasn’t too confusing following Meg’s directions. Halfway through her second explanation Castiel realized he was familiar with the route. He’s driven that way countless time to visit a small bookstore he loves. The only one he’d been able to find that stocks trashy romance novels of more diverse backgrounds. Perks of living near West Hollywood, Castiel always knows where to go to find shops catered to others like him.

But he would have remembered seeing a car garage there.

Rounding the final corner, Castiel slows down and crawls along the street, head swerving left and right while ‘Yeat’s Grave’ plays on. After passing his bookstore, he spots a faded sign a few storefronts down.

“How have I never seen this before?”

Unassuming from the front, with faded brick and rusted steel, Bobby’s Auto Shop sits next to a leather shop and spans all the way to the corner. A single rainbow flag hangs from a pole jutting off the side of the building. Castiel pulls into an open garage, parking near the front and cutting the music off before the next song could begin. He steps out of the car and looks around.

There are at least five vehicles stationed inside the building at the moment. He sees one hefted up on a lift, a burly man inspecting it from below. Across from him two other mechanics argue over the exposed engine of a truck, long hair pulled back into tight ponytails. At a lounge area a black couple share a bag of chips.

Looking to the other side at what Castiel expects to be only a blank wall he spies a cluttered corkboard.

Castiel walks away from his car and over to it, scanning the different fliers tacked on. Notices for events like poetry readings and charity brunches to raise funds for AIDs research. A picture of a drag queen hangs next to an ad selling a lounger with a few of the tabs ripped off. There’s even a poster for Meg’s band, ‘The Demon Queens’ that he recognizes, having done the design for them.

“You find something you like?” a rough drawl from behind startles him. Castiel spins, coming face to face with a man who shouldn’t look so handsome streaked with oil. He stares into sparkling green eyes, the color only highlighted by the dark marks on his cheeks. The mechanic smirks, cocking one brow higher than the other. “You all right there?”

“Yeah-yeah-yes,” Castiel clears his throat, “Yes I am, sorry I… what did you ask?”

He chuckles, running dirty fingers through his light brown hair, coloring it darker. “You here for some work?”

Castiel nods. “I’m supposed to ask for a Dean… Winchester?”

Mechanic’s gaze widens, glancing back at Castiel’s car before returning to him. “You’re Meg’s friend?” he asks, grinning.

“Yes…?”

“Hmm… not what I was expecting,” he says, holding a hand out, “I’m Dean.”

Castiel flushes, cursing his luck. Of course the only mechanic who would work on his car would be the man who stepped off the set of a calendar shoot.

Pretty boys have always been Castiel’s weakness. From high school when he first understood where his attractions laid to now, something about them makes his brain shuts down. His tongue works against him and sweat pours out from everywhere; thoughts bottleneck behind the embarrassing urge to blurt out ‘you’re pretty’. Castiel ceases to function normally when presented with a pretty boy.

It’s been an uncomfortable amount of time where Dean’s hand hangs in the air. Castiel realizes it when the smile on his face slowly starts to fall.

He jerks his hand out in a panic, latching onto Dean’s with as relaxed a face he can force. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dean.” His handshake is tight and fast, quickly pulling away as if burned.

Feeling something wet coating his palm Castiel prays Dean didn’t notice his sweat. However looking at it he belatedly remembers Dean’s hands were covered in oil.

“Shit,” Dean says, “Totally forgot to clean up… that’s my bad.”

“It’s fine,” Castiel tell him, “I’ve had worse… my hands are usually messy and covered in whatever.”

“Really? Like what?”

“Paints, clay… those types of things.”

“You an artist?”

“On my days off.”

Dean motions for Castiel to follow. He does. “You do any galleries?” he asks.

Castiel frowns, “I’ve been in one or two, but never on my own. Don’t have the money to afford a space.”

“If you ever do, feel free to advertise here,” Dean says, stopping by a large sink, “As you already know we have a place for a poster or two.”

“Duly noted.” He waits for Dean to turn on the faucet, letting him run his hands under the stream first. Once he finishes Castiel half-heartedly scrubs at the oil. There wasn’t much on his hand, and making any effort to wash it away wouldn’t fit with the cool façade Castiel tried to keep.

“Y’know,” Dean starts, hands hidden in a fluffy towel, “when Charlie told me about you, I thought you’d look a hell of a lot different.”

Castiel skews his head to the side. “How so?”

“Well I figured you’d be a girl,” he shrugs, “friend of an ex from Charlie, nine out of ten it’d be another lesbian or at least bisexual…“ Dean tosses the towel to Castiel, “egg on my face, right?”

He catches it haphazardly. “More like oil.” When Dean’s brows pinch together, Castiel mock wipes at his face with the towel.

“Really?” Dean whines, “You probably think I’m a slob.” He hurriedly splashes some more water on his face and snatches the towel back.

“Honestly?” Castiel says, “I don’t know enough about you to form an opinion.”

Dean looks up from the towel and smiles, dimples clear on his freckled cheeks. “We’ll have to fix that, then.” Before Castiel can overthink what that means Dean walks away and over to his car, Castiel racing to keep up. “So someone marked up your car?”

He sighs, “Yeah… I woke up the other day to find that – that word scratched on the side along with some… other things.” Castiel doesn’t dive in to the details of the torn up rainbow flag outside his apartment and the already painted over slurs carved onto his door. “That’s what I get for celebrating the first day of Pride, I guess.”

Dean frowns, running a hand across his car’s ugly scar. “You know the person who did this?”

Castiel shrugs. “Suspicions… but nothing concrete enough to make a claim or file a report.”

“If it were me I’d do more than that. Bastard would be walking with a limp – if at all – if they messed up my Baby.”

The threat brings a smile to Castiel’s face. He straightens out of the curled up posture he fell into. “Your ‘Baby’?”

“My car,” Dean explains, turning to him, “older model in black. A ‘67 Chevy Impala.”

“I must confess… I don’t know that much about cars.”

“Really?”

“I don’t quite know the model of my own car let alone what an Impala looks like.”

“That’s a damn shame,” Dean tells him, “Going your whole life without knowing what true beauty is? I’d take you out to see her now if I didn’t have to park so far away today.”

“You don’t have your own parking?”

He shakes his head. “Usually I snag a spot on the block but by the time I made it out of bed they were all taken. So I’m about three down in front of this deli. Anyway…” Dean kneels down again, inspecting his car closely. “This shouldn’t be tough… probably have it ready by tomorrow if nothing comes up.”

“Are you sure?” Castiel asks, “If you have other clients waiting –“

“Nah I finished up my last appointment for the day already. Don’t stress about it.”

“That’s very nice of you,” he says, “all the other places I tried wouldn’t help me and here you make it sound so easy…” Then, Castiel remembers what Meg told him. “And for no pay? I don’t mind, I have the money –“

Dean reaches out for Castiel, grabbing his wrist to stop him from taking out his wallet. “I insist. I’m always looking for ways to give back to our community.”

Castiel smiles, his skin burning from Dean’s touch. “Our – ah… our community?” he starts, “do you mean that in a friendly neighborhood sense or…”

He rolls his eyes. “In a rainbow way.”

“Ah.” Castiel glances around the garage, gaze unable to land on any one point for long. “I was wondering… this is a very progressive garage.”

“Has been since the beginning,” Dean tells him, leaning against Castiel’s car, “Bobby’s been a staple here for a long time ever since he and his wife Karen moved in years ago.”

“Bobby?”

“Bobby Singer, the big ol’ boss of this place,” he explains, “He and Karen came here when things got dangerous for them back where they used to live.”

“Why was that?”

Dean launches Castiel back into the past, where a newly married Bobby and Karen were being threatened nearly every night when one of the women in Sioux Falls discovered Karen hadn’t always been called Karen. Gangs of men hung out in front of their house, dumping cigarette butts on their lawn. Every time they went out they were watched and followed, confronted on the days when people had a little more confidence than normal. Any room they entered became so silent a cough could shatter glass. Neither Bobby nor Karen was willing to move at first, until the first rock was thrown through their window. They packed their bags and left in the early morning, not stopping until their car broke down in California.

Bobby pushed it all the way to the closest garage. “It was closing,” Dean says, “And the only one there was the owner – and he didn’t see why he should help. So Bobby grabbed a box of tools and set to work. Halfway through fixing his own car, someone pulled up and asked Bobby to look under his hood. He did and made the engine purr. Owner saw and demanded Bobby give him the money from that. Made a deal and bought the place with what was left of their savings.”

“And he turned it into this,” Castiel says, “I wish I knew about Singer’s sooner… would have saved me a lot of guff whenever I needed my oil changed.”

“I’ll admit we can do better in advertising,” Dean shrugs, “Mainly we rely on word-of-mouth… although we did get a lot of customers after Benny namedropped us in one of his shows.”

“Benny?”

Dean jerks his thumb over towards the burly man from earlier, chatting with the previously bickering mechanics by the truck. “He’s a drag queen. Performs over at the Roadhouse every Wednesday as ‘The Vamp’. I mentioned he should promote the garage in his act one night when I was helping him do his make-up.”

Castiel recalls the picture of the drag queen he saw pinned to the cork board, notices the similarities between the figure captured and the one in front of him. “Is everyone who works here a… um, on the rainbow?”

“More or less,” Dean shrugs, “Jo – the blonde – been on Estrogen for two years, has her first round of surgery coming up in a few weeks. Dorothy doesn’t conscribe to the binary but they still identify as a lesbian…” He swings his finger over to the lounge area. “Max is as gay as the next guy but his sister Alicia’s our token straight.” Turning back to face Castiel he says, “And Charlie you already know only goes for chicks.”

“And you?”

“Me?” Dean chuckles, “Why I’m bi as fuck!”

Castiel laughs as well. “Are you trying to collect all the letters?”

“Like queer Pokémon,” Dean nods, earning another round of snickers. “Nah, we all kinda drifted together. Jo and the Banes twins lived in the area – Jo’s mom actually owns the Roadhouse. But the rest of us… Bobby took under his wing in one way or another.”

Storm clouds brew in the timbre of Dean’s voice, the shiny jewels of his eyes losing their luster. Castiel feels the temperature between them dip low by tens of degrees. Whatever Dean doesn’t say must weigh heavily to flatten the good mood he was in.

It’s a familiar burden Castiel knows all too well.

“Do you know what my name means?”

Dean blinks, thrown off by the sudden shift in topics. “Uh… no –“

“It’s a bastardized version of an angel’s name,” he explains, “Cassiel. They thought the extra ‘s’ was too… feminine. But I was born on a Thursday and…” Castiel trails off, grimacing.

“Religious family?” Dean asks.

He nods. “My dad was heavily involved with our local Church.”

“So when you…”

“It was not a fun time,” Castiel says, “I didn’t go home for the first two years after I left for college but… we learned not to speak about it. Although every now and then my mother sends me pamphlets for seminary school.”

Dean barks out a rough laugh, biting his lip. A brief, charged silence stands between them where Castiel can’t breathe. He nearly backs away, tells Dean that it’s okay. They’re strangers – all he needs is a body job, not a life story. But then he sucks his lower lip under his teeth and starts.

“My dad caught me fooling around with another boy when I was sixteen,” he says, “And after the punches kicked me out on my ass. Joke’s on him, though, because I managed to snag the keys to the car. Drove around for the first year seeing the sights until I found my way to Bobby’s. Picked up shifts part-time until he noticed me sleeping in my car. Cuffed me on the head and told me to take the spare room in the apartment above.”

“Karen didn’t mind?”

“Karen died years earlier,” Dean smiles ruefully, “Cancer. But she would’ve done the same thing. Wish I could’ve met her, though, heard she made killer apple pie.”

And in that moment, Castiel finds himself wishing he had the chance as well. Dean talks about his family with so much love he wants to meet them all, or at least here him tell more stories about them. Knowing that this group of people have found each other and are happy gives Castiel more hope for the future for people like them.

Dean Winchester’s gravitation is too powerful to resist, and Castiel falls into his orbit happily.

A set of squeaky wheels interrupts their conversation, an older man in a trucker’s cap rolling up to them. “Winchester,” he barks, “I don’t pay you to stand around and flirt. Git to work on this poor boy’s car!”

They break apart, both their cheeks bright red. Dean hangs his head, rubbing his hands against his coveralls. “Right away, Bobby.”

Bobby shakes his head, leaving them. “Idjits…”

Castiel shuffles his feet, wringing his hands together. He waits until the other man is far away before speaking again. “So… that’s Bobby.”

“Yeah,” he huffs, “Bastard’s usually never this ornery… probably getting me back for walking in on him and his boyfriend the other night.” Dean scoffs, crossing his arms, “Not my fault Crowley didn’t lock the damn door…”

The past few minutes catch up with Castiel and he feels the awkwardness creeping back up his spine like a spider. “I… I should be going,” he stutters out, startling Dean.

“Really?” Dean asks, his frown confusing to Castiel’s already addled mind.

He nods, pacing backwards. “Thank you for your help and… and the talk.” Then before Dean could respond Castiel races out the garage door and doesn’t look back. Castiel makes it past the leather shop before he falls back against the storefront and gasps for breath.

“Castiel,” he mumbles to himself, “stupid… ‘and the talk’. Why can’t you talk to pretty boys without losing your head.”

He knocks his head against the brick latticework repeatedly, angry with how he blew his shot with the pretty mechanic. In between the heavy pounding she gives himself he hears a slight cough to his right.

Squinting an eye open Castiel sees Dean watching him with an amused grin across his face. Throwing himself away from the wall, Castiel turns to face him. “Dean?” he starts, “What are… what are you doing here?”

Dean steps closer, invading Castiel’s space. The smell of motor oil and cologne makes him dizzy. “You left in such a hurry, Cas, you forgot to give me your phone number.”

His heart skips over itself as a sunny ray of hope shoots across his chest. Clouds return to cover it when he remembers past garage experiences where mechanics needed it to reach him. He deflates. “Right, so you can tell me when my car’s ready.”

Dean juts his lower lip out, head bobbing as he considers Castiel’s statement. “Yeah for that, too.”

“Too?”

“Well I mean how else can I ask you out if I don’t have your number?”

A stone lodges itself in Castiel’s throat. “You… you want to ask me out… on a date?”

His eyebrows jump up. “I… I wasn’t misreading anything… was I?”

That spurs Castiel into action. “No, no! You weren't… I am… I’m interested.”

Dean relaxes, hand splayed against his chest. “Good, got nervous there for a second.” He looks to Castiel, waiting. “So…?”

They exchange numbers, Dean handing Castiel’s phone back with a wink and a promise to call later. Then he heads back to the garage to smooth out the scratches on his car.

Castiel stands there, outside the leather shop, too shocked to move. Somehow he gains control of his legs again and picks one up after the other.

When he makes it to the bus stop, Castiel pulls his phone out and stares at Dean’s number. Butterflies flutter in his stomach as the largest smile blossoms on his face.

It stays there all the way back to his apartment.

#Supernatural #Spn #Supernatural fanfiction #Spn fanfic #Dean Winchester #Castiel #Destiel #deancas #destiel fanfiction #deancas fanfic #bisexual dean winchester #tw: homophobic language

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avengerscompound · 5 years

Text

Fame and Glory - Stage Fright

Fame and Glory: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC (Glory) with some Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers x Peggy Carter and Steve Rogers x OMC

Word Count: 2538

Warnings: Angst, smut (M|F, M|M, Bisexual MMF, oral sex, vaginal fingering, vaginal sex, loss of virginity (Steve’s), anal sex)

Synopsis: After taking the Super Serum that changed him from small sickly Steve Rogers to the man we now know as Captain America, Steve is sent on a USO tour to increase sales of war bonds and entertain the troops. Being on stage and the chorus girls both terrify him.

With the help of dancer Glory, Steve begins to warm up to the idea of fame until he starts doing things he never thought he would and begins to question himself. Does he like the man he has become and who does he want to be?

Stage Fright

Steve followed Senator Brandt into a large hall. There were a few men milling around in front of a stage while a pianist played an uptempo number. Around twenty women, all wearing extremely revealing workout wear were on stage being directed through a dance routine. Steve tried not to stare at them. His eyes would flit around the room, but they kept getting drawn back in their direction.

“Gentleman,” Brandt said, approaching the men. “Here’s our hero. Private Roger’s is going to help us win this war.”

The men looked up and their eye’s slid up and down Steve’s body. “I read you ran down a Hydra agent on foot. Is that true son?” One of the men said.

Steve blushed and his hand went to the back of his head. This sudden change from being seen as a joke to being seen as a hero was overwhelming. He didn’t trust the words that were coming out of people’s mouths. “I was just doing my duty.”

“Good, man. Good, man.” The man said. “My name’s Bill, and this is Jerry and Ed. We’ll be putting together this show. So what were we thinking, Senator? We need him to be someone to look to?”

“I think we’ll need to up his rank. At least honorarily. No one’s hearing Private Roger’s and giving money to the cause.” Brandt said.

Steve was only half listening. His eyes kept drifting to the women on stage. How was he going to do this? The only woman who had ever given him the time of day was Peggy. He had no idea how to act around women. How was he was supposed to travel the country with twenty women who would constantly be in attire most decent women wouldn’t be caught outside the bedroom in?

“What do you think, son?” Bill said, clapping Steve on the shoulder and shaking him out of his thoughts. “Shall we make you a Captain? Captain America has a nice ring to it. Should make people feel some pride in their country.”

“I like it, Bill.” Senator Brandt agreed. “Dress him in the flag. Having him punch Hitler.”

Ed threw his head back laughing. “The Star Spangled Man.”

The other men all roared with laughter while Steve stood awkwardly watching them.

There was a sudden commotion on stage as some of the women collided throwing everyone else off.

“I swear, Betty if you step on my foot again…” One of the women shouted.

“I wouldn’t step on your feet if you got the routine right.” Betty countered.

There was some shoving and Bill clapped his hands. “Ladies, Ladies. That’s enough.” He shouted. The women all stopped fighting and looked down to Bill. “We have our lead here now. This is Private… no, my mistake… Captain Rogers. He’s why you’re all here.” He clapped Steve on the shoulder again. “Karen, Glory can you show Steve to the dressing room. Get him measured for his costume.”

“Costume?” Steve asked.

“Of course son. You’ve got to have a costume.”

A redhead and a blonde both ran down the steps that ran up the side of the stage. Steve tried not to stare at the way their hips swayed. How their … bits … bounced as they moved. He tried. He looked up at the ceiling, but his eyes kept flicking back to the women.

The redhead put one arm around his waist and took his hand with her free one. “Oh, he’s cute, Bill. We’re going to have a good time with you.”

Steve blushed deeply and looked helplessly towards Senator Brandt as the girls lead him to the stage door.

“You’re quite something, Captain Rogers. We can have a lot of fun with you. Don’t you think, Glory?”

Steve blushed again. “Steve - uh - you can just call me Steve.”

“Aww… you’re shy. That’s so cute. You don’t have to be shy of me, Stevie. I don’t bite. Unless you ask nicely.” Karen teased.

Steve tensed up and glanced around awkwardly. His face was bright red now. Before he can say anything the woman named Glory piped in.

“Leave him alone, Karen.”

Karen stuck out her bottom lip. “Well, you’re no fun.” She let Steve go and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, she tapped on out of the deck and put one in her mouth lighting it.

Steve started coughing. It’s almost like a Pavlovian reaction. The smoke actually didn’t affect his lungs. Not since the serum. But before the serum being around someone smoking would cause his asthma to flare, sometimes to the point he’d have to be hospitalized. His body was now so used to coughing being the reaction to cigarette smoke that it did it as a force of habit.

“Oh, dahlin’ how’d you even get into the army?” Karen said stopping short. “You take him, Glory. I’ll wait here.” She leaned up against the wall and inhaled deeply.

Glory rolled her eyes and gestured to Steve to follow. They went into a long narrow room with mirrors along the length of one wall and lockers on the other.

“Don’t worry about her.” Glory said, running her fingers along the lockers. “You kinda become family when you do these tours and families can be a little crude. Ya know? Best to try and think of her as your annoying, trampy cousin.”

“I don’t have any cousins,” Steve said.

“Sisters?” Glory asked.

Steve shook his head. “Well, you do now.�� She offered Steve her hand. “I’m Glory. Stick with me, doll. I’ll take care of you.”

Steve shook her hand unsure of how much protection such a slight woman could provide.

“This is the dressing room. This locker’s free, you can have it.” She opened the second to last locker showing it’s bare contents.

“I have to - I get - you all - I’ll be dressing with the dames? Ah - women?” Steve stuttered.

“Oh, honey. You really are out of your depth aren’t you?” Glory soothed. “You’ll get used to it. It’s always so frantic before a show you won’t even have time to notice us. We won’t be looking at you. Handsome as you are.”

Glory took Steve back out of the dressing room and down the hall. She knocked on a door and when the call to enter was given she entered. “Hi, Ruthie. This is our new star.” She said greeting the bone thin, middle-aged woman. “He needs to be measured.”

Ruthie directed Steve to a stepping stool and started running a measuring tape over his body. Around his chest. His waist. Measuring his biceps. His legs both the outside and up the inner seam.

“I read that you were smaller before. They did something to you?” Glory asked, hopping up on the desk in the room and crossing her legs.

Steve looked at her and suddenly looks away. His cock twitched at the duel input of seeing one woman - one beautiful woman - in person looking like she belonged in a pinup calendar and another running her hands over his body. Even in such a functional manner, it was definitely not something he was used to.

“Yeah. Uh… I don’t know how much I’m allowed to say. Military secrets.” Steve answered. “I was small though, yeah.”

“Must have been weird. How much smaller?” Glory asked.

“Much, smaller. I was smaller than you.” He answered.

“Damn.” Glory said, and quickly covered her mouth. “‘Scuse my French.”

Steve laughed. “It’s excused.”

“Such a gentleman.” Glory laughed. “Do you keep bumping into things and hitting your head? Because you forgot how big you got?”

Steve went to run his hand through his hair again and he was slapped on the hand by Ruthie. “Stay still.” She scolded.

“Sorry,” Steve said, sheepishly. He looked back at her, this time not seeing the pin-up doll, but the person. “Yeah, I do. It’s strange. I’m always knocking into things now.”

“I’m sure you’ll get used to it, honey.” Glory said. She stretched her hands up above her head and Steve’s eyes were drawn to her breasts. He blushed and looked away.

“Alright, alright. I’m done here. Both of you out.” Ruthie said suddenly pointing to the door.

Steve was thrown head first into the show. A song was written. He had a speech to learn. He had a lot of trouble getting the words down and not much time to learn it. They didn’t make him dance which he saw as a blessing but he did have to pretend to punch out a man dressed as Hitler.

By the time the show was set to perform, Steve still couldn’t look at the chorus girls without blushing. He couldn’t bring himself to even go into the dressing room when they were changing. He didn’t know the words. He hated the costume.

He was changing in a small men's room stall before and after rehearsal, only briefly ducking into the dressing room to store his things. He barely spoke to anyone. He felt anxious and alone and wondered if enlisting might not have been the stupidest idea he’d ever had.

Glory started to see herself as his protector. Which in a way she knew was ridiculous. Already she’d seen he could lift a whole car over his head. But he was fragile. She could see that too. The other girls liked to tease him. Not all of them. He had other protectors. He seemed to attract two kinds of attention. The mother hens like Glory who wanted to protect him. And the teases who could see his vulnerabilities and like poking at them for sport.

On the day of the first show, there was a flurry of activity behind the scenes. The theatre was packed with people wanting to see the soldier science created. Unfortunately, no one could find him. There was a panic as cast and crew searched for him.

It was Glory that found him cowering behind a dumpster in the back alley.

“Whatcha doin’ back here, honey?” She asked, approaching him slowly. “We need you inside.”

He shook his head. “I thought I could do this. I can’t do this. I enlisted in the army to fight not to go on stage in tights.”

Glory reached her hand out and stroked it up and down his arm, her fingers caressing the hills and ridges of his well-muscled form. “It’s okay, doll. You got this. You’ve been practicing. Us girls have your back. You don’t need to worry.”

“I’m going to make a fool of myself. They’re all going to laugh at me.” Steve cried.

“Oh no, baby. It will be fine. You’re doing fine. They’ll love you.” Glory assured him.

“I rub people the wrong way,” Steve said.

“What makes you think that? I think you’re swell, Steve.” She said taking a step closer to him.

“Some of the other girls don’t seem to like me.”

“Oh, honey. That’s just their way of telling you that you’re family. I know they can be cruel, but family can be cruel sometimes. They do like you.” Her hands slid up his arm to his neck and she ran her fingers along his jaw. “We need you up there, Stevie.”

“They won’t hate me?”

“Scouts honor.”

He followed her back in and was rushed to the side of the stage. The chorus girls started to move on stage and as she passed him, Glory pulled him down and kissed him. Sucking his lower lip and she pulled away. “For luck!” She shouted as she moved out on stage, leaving Steve standing startled in the wings.

The show was a success, despite Steve obvious nerves and awkward delivery of his lines that he read from the back of his shield. After they cast and crew went to a bar for drinks. Steve relaxed around everyone, basking in the reflected glow of the show's success. While he didn’t stick by Glory’s side, his eyes did keep returning to her as he thought about the kiss.

When she headed outside he jumped up, saying some hasty goodbyes, to follower her.

“Glory, wait up. Where’re you going?” He called.

She turned and smiled. “Home.”

“Where’s home?” He asked.

“Brooklyn.”

Steve smiled. “Me too. Can I keep you company?”

The two headed to Brooklyn on the subway. Laughing and talking about the show. At Glory’s stop Steve hopped out to walk her and they strolled together her arm linked with his.

“Can I tell you something?” Steve asked. “Don’t laugh.”

“Of course.”

“When you kissed me before. That was my first kiss.” He said.

Glory stopped dead and her hands shot to her mouth. “Oh no. No. No, no. I’m so sorry. Steve, I can’t believe I did that. I’m a complete jerk.”

Steve smiled and ran his hands up and down her arms. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. Men are always doing things like that to me and I complain about it and there I go and do the same thing. You didn’t want your first kiss to be with me and now it is and I can’t take it back.” Glory cried.

“I mean, I probably would have liked it to be more special than that. It was over so fast…” Steve mused.

They started walking again and Steve took her hand in his. “I am really sorry, Steve. You never had a special girl?”

Steve shook his head. “There was a girl… a woman… her name was Peggy. I thought, maybe...? But then they shipped her out to the frontline. I haven’t heard from her since.”

“I’m sorry. Maybe after the war, you’ll find each other? Or someone else.”

Steve shrugged. “Maybe. Peggy knew me when I was still a little guy. She was the only dame whoever gave me the time of day. Ya know? How am I supposed to trust that a girl I meet likes me and not just the bits science made now?”

Glory frowned. “You seem like you have a good heart. I think it could probably tell. Might take a while to figure it out though.” She groaned. “I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to be. I don’t mind that it was you. Just; now my memory of my first kiss will be this rushed thing I didn’t get to enjoy. It’s not how I thought it would happen.” Steve explained.

They reached Glory’s building and he turned and looked up at him. “How did you picture it?”

He leaned down and captured her mouth with his. It was slow and tender. Their lips slightly parted and fitting together like pieces of a jigsaw. When they eventually pulled apart Glory sucked his bottom lip again, but this time more slowly. “That was a good first kiss.” She hummed.

“Yeah, I like that one better too.” Steve agreed.

They stood looking at each other for a moment and then shook themselves out of their daze. “I’d ask you up for coffee but I’m not allowed to let men in the building.”

“That’s okay. I really just wanted to make sure you got home safely.” Steve said. “I’ll see ya tomorrow, Glory.”

“Night, Steve.” She said. “You did good tonight.”

“Thank you. I kinda think I might not hate it after all.”

// NEXT

#steve rogers #steve rogers x oc #captain america #captain america fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #smut #angst #fame and glory

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