#there’s other weirder emotions more in their style going on of course | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

parkers-gal · 3 years

Note

omg i love your styles!reader fics (and your writing in general, you’re so talented) !! can you do blurb where tom and styles!reader have been married for like a year or two and they tell their families that they’re expecting and then maybe flash forward to when the baby is born and harry cries meeting them?

combined requests: hi can u do a dad tom and reader. and they have a baby shower for the reader. I love all your story’s btw:)

wc: 2k

requests are open (love you // hope u like this)

—

“Are you excited?”

“I’m nervous.” You let out a measly laugh while Tom’s left hand moved from gripping your thigh to hovering above your lower abdomen.

You weren’t showing yet, of course. It had only been a few weeks since the two of you had found out. Two years into your marriage and the two of you had discussed to start trying for a family. You’d never told anyone that, so you expected the announcement to be quite a surprise for everyone.

Tom was a very private guy, especially growing up in the public eye. His family was off limits, and the minute you came into the picture, that trait only amplified. Now that you were married, he’d been a bit more private about his marriage life, especially around his family. It was a weird dynamic at first, because Tom is a very open man who loves his family very much.

But he also knows his family isn’t a private one when it comes to the media, and involving you would mean every aspect of your life would be outed. And he didn’t want that, so the two of you weren’t ridiculously close with either of your families.

It was a weird detail, really. One you didn’t really notice until a year after your marriage.

It was even weirder, however, that there happened to be an entire week where both your family and Tom’s family were available for a lunch date. Harry was usually writing an album or prepping for a tour, and you were glad he kept himself busy. Tom and his younger brother would usually be working on a project together, so having everyone home was exciting and nerve wracking.

“They’re all gonna know we’ve had sex.”

“I think they knew before,” He chuckled at your reaction, mouth ajar while you slapped his upper arm playfully.

“Who’s fault is that?”

“Sure, blame the guy who knocks you up.”

“Okay, mister.” You shuffle his curls, which are arranged messily for a Saturday.

Fifteen minutes later and the two of you are walking into the Holland household. You can already hear your brother’s minged shouts and hollers about whatever conversation he must be having with Harry, Tom’s brother. You’re quite certain you’ve never seen such a British interaction.

“The all-star couple is finally here!”

“Hey!” Harry drags out the end syllables while he brings you into a sloppy hug. “Baby sis.”

“Don’t ever call me that again,” You laugh at his tone, the words foriegn for him.

“Yeah, that was weird as fuck the minute I said it.”

You glanced over to Tom, who was hugging his brothers and his mother. You grinned as you made your way over to them, embracing them just as he had before linking your hand with Tom’s and sitting in a patio chair beside his.

“How is everything in your married-life?”

“Low-key, really.” You admitted, it was true. The first few months had been exhausting yet fulfilling, but now you felt yourself settling down for the long run. Tom could feel it too, especially with the unannounced baby Holland on the way.

“Yeah, mum,” He bit into a snickerdoodle. “Not much going on for us.”

“Didn’t you just wrap that upcoming film?”

“The London one, yeah.” He nods along and you get lost in conversation with Sam and Elysia. They’ve been together for quite awhile, and you suspect their own wedding might be within the near future.

You’re about an hour into the lunch when you make eye contact with Tom, communicating without words. He stands up, wiping his hands off on a napkin before pulling you up.

“We have… some new to share.”

Eyes glance up to the only two people standing at the table, and Harry (your brother) swallows a bite of bread before encouraging you. “Well, get on with it then.”

Your mom whips the back of his head, and you laugh. Gemma chuckles at them before glancing at you inquisitively. You’re very open with her, but from the look on your face, she knows this is something nobody else knows of.

“We are very happy to announce….” You start it, but urge Tom to finish what you cannot.

“That the newest member of the Holland-Styles clan will be coming by the end of this year.”

You watch as mouth’s drop open in the final realization at what this means. Gemma sits back in her chair, left hand above her chest, against her shirt with wide eyes and mouth ready to catch flies. You smile in excitement, and Nikki and your mom stand quickly for hugs, pushing their chairs back as they scrape against the concrete of the backyard patio.

Tom’s hand is linked to yours still, and when you momentarily let go, you feel almost abandoned and lost without him.

After a few rounds of accepting ‘congratulations!’you realize your brother has yet to move from his seat. When you glance at him after everyone’s settled back down, he’s looking in his lap. Gemma catches on, and so does Sam. Eventually, all eyes are on the Styles boy.

“Har?” You speak hesitantly in the tense situation. “You okay?”

When he picks his head up, he sniffles and you notice his red eyes. You jutt a lip out as you hear a few of the girls vocally “aw” at his state. He stands quickly, chair scraping just as everyone else’s had, and he makes his way over you.

You get lost in his embrace, hugging him tightly. He’s still crying slightly as he whispers a few words into your ears. He’s emotional upon realizing he’ll be an uncle in just a few months, emotional upon realizing you’ve grown up so much from the little girl that used to rub frosting on his nose and dimples.

You rub his back soothingly, and when you separate he gives you a weak smile. He maneuvers around you to hug your husband, who chuckles when he’s embraced roughly, tightly. Their hands are each on each other’s back, and a memory flashes in your mind, one of your wedding, when Harry cried so much you had to ask someone to buy more tissues.

You’re nostalgic about today’s encounter, and you don’t know what to expect when the baby really does come.

You’re seven months along, baby bump big as ever. Tom’s almost as protective as Tessa now that you’re so far along. As far as cliches go, you’ve just arrived to a basically surprise baby shower. You know it must’ve taken Tom weeks to plan something like this, and it must’ve been even harder to keep it a secret from you.

You kiss his forehead when you finally see why you’re at his mom’s house. Both yours and his moms are conversing in the corner after greeting the two of you. There’s a table of presents beside a snack area. You can see a few of your craving-snacks, and you hug Tom as best you can. He kisses your temple.

There’s not many people here, only your closest friend circle and your family members. You see Harry and Gemma in the corner, and make your way over to your siblings with a smile. You're swollen with the baby bump, so you’re not moving as fast, but you’re just as excited.

“Baby on the way,” You announce as you hug them. “Thanks for doing this, guys.” You blush as you gesture to everything around you. Harry shrugs with a cocky smile, and Gemma smiles lovingly. You see Sam and Elysia heading towards you, and Gemma makes her way to the snack table for some lemonade.

“Y/N!” Elysia drags out your name in excitement, hugging you carefully. “How is everything?”

“Ugh,” You groan jokingly, a hand rubbing up and down your bump. “Exhausting, really. She’s a handful.”

She smiles, and Sam’s hand stays on the small of her back as she leans into him. He excuses himself momentarily, and you lean in close to Elysia when he’s gone.

“Are you two engaged?”

She looks at you with a blush before shaking her head. “No… but I feel like he’s going to propose soon.”

You squeal and try your hardest not to cry. “Man, these hormones are crazy.” She laughs, nodding along. Unbeknownst to you, Sam had made his way over to the two older brothers of the Holland family. They’re sipping beer by the patio sliding door.

“Hey, guys.” The boys look up at the sound of Sam’s soft voice. He’s almost hushed, and they use context to realize he looks a bit serious.

“What’s up?” Harry’s hand pats his shoulder as if to comfort his anxious state.

Same turns his head to look at Elysia, who’s across the yard talking to you. “I think I’m going to propose soon.” Tom nearly chokes on his drink. “What? Man, that’s amazing!” He’s whispering out, breathing erratically from excitement.

Harry stares out, blinking in surprise. He’d seen in coming, but that would never amount to the realization that the Holland boys are growing up. “Do you have a ring or something?” They huddle close as Sam brings them closer in response to Harry’s question.

He pulls out a velvet box from an inner-jacket pocket. When he opens the case, they gasp in awe.

“Man,” Tom pats his back again, lovingly. “I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you, man. I’m nervous.” He wipes his hands on his thighs as he hides the ring in his clothes again.

“Don’t worry.” Harry glances over at the two of you. “She loves you so much. You’re gonna get the happy ending.”

They continue talking until your mum, Anne, announces it’s time to open a few presents. You reunite with Tom for the first time since arriving, trying not to come off as too flustered, but you know you are. You know you’ll cry — and dramatically too, because your hormones are off the radar — if anyone gives you a really meaningful present.

You open a few, some just basic cleaning supplies for diaper-care, others range from cute clothes to bedding sheets. When you open Harry’s gift, it’s a CD case with a picture of the Styles family on the cover.

When you open the case, you see a message in print. He’d written you a few songs, for Tom and the baby too. You nearly burst into tears as you stand up as quickly as possible. Tom helps you stand while you make your way over to your older brother, hugging him as if your life depends on it.

“You’re gonna be a great uncle, Harry.”

***

When they said the birth process was painful, they didn’t mention how much. Tom fainted about an hour and a half into it, after glancing where he shouldn’t have. You laughed while the doctors got him standing again. He was by your side for the entire time, and when you finally gave your last push, the two of you heard the wales of your sweet baby girl.

“Did so well, love.” You’d heard him whisper while he kissed your sweaty forehead.

Seven hours later, you were sitting up after having just slept for a good amount of time. Scarlet was sleeping calmly in your arms. Tom was squeezed onto the bed next to you, arms carefully wrapped around your exhausted body. He’d cried four times already.

“Ma’am, your families are here.” A nurse had come into the room with a small smile before opening the door wider to allow visitors in.

Harry and Gemma were first up. They’d been here the longest, having received a call when they were closer to the hospital than everyone else.

You glanced up when you heard Harry gasp. “She’s beautiful.” He whispered, tip toeing over to the bed, seating himself in one of the chairs.

“C- can I hold her?” You nod, handing him the small child. He graciously takes her in his tattoo covered arms, holding her head cautiously while he coos at her. She wakes momentarily to giggle at the new arms. He visibly pouts, and when you notice water on Scarlet, you grow worried.

But all of that is washed down the drain when you see Harry’s red, teary eyes. He smiles happily, even through the tears, and you breathe out a laugh through your own cries.

“She looks just like you.”

You wipe a tear away, reaching out to hold one of his hands.

“Just like you.”

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something-very-special · 3 years

Text

Call Her Back

Probably already a post with this title from the Let’s Play but it’s appropriate.

Thoughts on Replicant up to Ending A (and change):

This game is pretty. I guess it didn’t really hit me because I’ve always thought that the original NIER was pretty, but this game can be very pretty.

This in particular just kind of struck me as I was going across the Northern Plains. It had been dominantly gray, overcast skies up to that point because Part II of the game is meant to be. You know. Bleak. But I walked out onto a bright, sunny day with an expanse of blues skies, the mountains in the backgrounds, the ivy a burst of green growing up the rusted sides of the train tracks and it just kind of hit me that the game can be very pretty.

(Then I got punched out by a Shade.)

It’s definitely not a matter of massive graphical overhaul. The models look much better (getting a good look at the Twins during the finale, they really are beautiful) and I’m sure the environmental poly count is much higher and just overall smoother, and there are little touches here and there and just the capacity for better atmospheric lighting... I mean it all helps. But NIER is a game that’s always had fantastic art direction, making the most out of its budget through atmospheric tuning. There’s something uniquely beautiful about its muted palette and the way it uses its spaces that elevates it beyond the its actual technical limitations. It doesn’t look like an end-of-generation PS4 game, but that’s not an insult; it looks very much like itself from ten years ago, with its solid art direction, but touched up where it matters.

Does the sidequest grind seem... better...? I haven’t really dug into the BEST part of the game (spending 30 hours grinding out weapon upgrades) but I mentioned before my theory about how the sidequest grind is supposed to be carried out across multiple playthroughs and that’s why it sucks. To my surprise I finished Ending A missing only one sidequest (your friend and mine, Life in the Sands), with all of the other ones being more or less... pretty natural? The only thing I really needed to go out of my way for was Memory Alloy but all the other components didn’t really give me the kind of grief I remember from my playthroughs of the original. ‘Grief’ of course being relative to getting the platinum trophy, but my first time through the game I gave up finishing a few outstanding sidequests (specifically, fixing the lighthouse broke me-- I could not find 10 Mysterious Switches!)

Maybe I just got lucky, especially with the Machine Oils. Maybe some weird muscle memory kicked in. I feel like there were a few purchasing options that weren’t open originally, too, to ameliorate some of the grind, but it might also be a case of those options being cost-prohibitive so I just didn’t really acknowledge them... whatever the case the sidequest grind felt overall pretty painless. I dunno!

I really need to know how to manipulate events. For literally seven playthroughs straight of the latter half of the game I always did the keystone quest as Junk Heap (start) - Forest of Myth - Junk Heap (end) - Facade - Aerie. It wasn’t until I did a run with my college roommates and Popola gave me the Aerie letter before the Facade in invite that I realized the Aerie wasn’t actually programmed to be the last event.

Absolutely blew my mind, and ever since I became aware of it, it feels like the game goes out of its way to make sure the Aerie always comes before Facade. When I did my Let’s Play of NIER I kept a save file from the start of the kystone collection so I could re-do the events in case they went ‘out of order’ (according to my headcanon)... which they did. I replayed the latter half of the game again in order to get things the way I wanted them to be, same order, and fortunately it cooperated the second time, but I still don’t understand what the trigger is, if there’s a way to manipulate it, or when the determination is even made.

And then they throw the Little Mermaid into the mix, which I wasn’t expecting (that is, I knew it was added, but I’ve been mostly avoiding spoilers -- and happily, the changes have largely been a delight, I’m so excited for the subsequent playthroughs -- but the way it was posted about made it seem like it would happen after and apart from the keystone quest. Not so, my friends).

The reason for this is just the emotional escalation of each factor of the quest. The Forest of Myth is weird and little else (at this juncture, of course). The Junk Heap is a personal tragedy, but the actual tragedy has already occurred and you’re just experiencing the fallout. Facade is a powerful and personal tragedy that deserves to be experienced later on. The Aerie is a terrible place and nobody misses it it’s an enormous loss and profoundly traumatic for the party, and it feels like the appropriate apex to basically force them to go to the Castle and finish the fight, having already lost far too much.

Also it’s just super weird to me that they see that devastation, they literally wipe an entire settlement off the map, and then the next day everybody’s super excited to go to a wedding.

It also becomes even weirder that you go to Popola post-Aerie and nobody mentions ‘yeah that didn’t go so well’ but coming out of Seafront they have a legitimate conversation about the loss of the ferryman and the people they’re never getting back. I guess that guy had a personality but I still think maybe somebody should mention the smoking crater where people used to be.

Then again it’s legitimately funny to me how basically everybody is just agreed the world is better off without it.

This might also just be an issue of familiarity. Maybe if I’d always ended on Facade, or actually known that they could be swapped out as they are, it wouldn’t feel so weird. I definitely got used to the pacing with the Aerie at the end and I feel like I got into a debate with somebody about how it’s more appropriate for Facade to come last so this might just be a personal thing. But it’s still a personal thing and I’m still vaguely irritated I can’t figure out how it works.

Anyway I blew up the Aerie So that’s that problem taken care of.

I feel like the ambiance surrounding Wendy was a little creepier this time. I swear I heard that good stock creepy child laughter in the background.

Then the ferryman left This was a nice bit of foreshadowing; following the Aerie events I wanted to hop over to Seafront to take care of an extant sidequest only to find the ferry dock in the Northern Plains empty. I thought that maybe this was just a weird way of railroading you to make sure you went through the Village first, even though there were no scenes that would trigger just by being in the Village.

Alas.

Not gonna lie, when the couple was first introduced I thought for SURE it was going to be the wife who wound up dead. I guess it’s because the guy had a purpose as an NPC so yeah, I was tricked. Good design decision; the ferryman is talkative and bright and definitely difficult to forget and even though he was kinda obnoxious there’s a definite void where his dialogue was. It’s clever too that you’re forced to use the ferry at least once so you can’t escape the dialogue that you’re presented with, meaning that even if you don’t really make use of the ferry you’ll always have that contrast between him at the start of Part II and the other guy (his brother, maybe?) taking over the job and just not really talking to you afterward.

Episode Mermaid First of all, to be clear, I’ve not done the Route B playthrough yet. All I know about the Little Mermaid is what’s presented on the surface, what can be gleaned from there, what I remember reading in the Grimoire NieR short story. This is very much just an impression and reaction to the first encounter and it’s pretty cool.

I like that they managed to go into yet another genre style aping a point-and-click adventure.

I like the atmosphere of the wrecked ship. It really brought me back to the ‘ghost ship’ level archetype with its little hints of spookiness.

I appreciate that it ties subtly in to the Haunted Manor (technically the Part I Seafront dungeon) with Weiss’ utterly irrational fear of ghosts.

I love every excuse they find to get Kaine and Emil (and especially Kaine) out of a situation. It’s almost a running gag that Kaine keeps getting knocked out of dungeons and boss fights. None of them are quite as great as her getting Rules Lawyer’d in the Barren Temple, but there’s something delightful about “Let’s get you some fresh air, we’ll be right outside, be careful!” and then bookending it with Kaine and Emil just chilling at the end like “Well yeah there are a lot of holes in the hull we just popped in.”

(I forgot to go backward to see what happens if you try to take them into Seafront proper, gotta remember that next time.)

Interesting thing when you find some of the dropped apples is that Nier and Weiss talk about the dinner they had with the couple. This was actually a really sweet and oddly emotional conclusion to the added sidequest between the bickering couple-- entirely missable. I would assume the dialogue just doesn’t trigger if you didn’t do the quest but it was a nice touch.

I appreciate the use of dead bodies in the hold.

(That’s a sentence.)

But for the game’s focus on violence and excess of blood it’s very selective in how it uses actual corpses. Any time you see a dead body it really emphasizes the seriousness of the situation. The corpses in the hold and the blood spatter -- especially compared to how bright and clean Seafront as a whole is -- was surprisingly effective. Again, just good atmospheric buildup.

Bit of an anticlimax as a boss, though. It is a really cool boss, between the environmental buildup to the fight and then actually unveiling her, but for how big and scary she is the fight itself went by fairly quick, and the actual finale (the postman whacking her hand telling her to go away she’s groooooss) felt a bit weird in comparison to the way the boss fights in the rest of the game usually play out. Of course, I don’t have context of her dialogue (I can take my guesses, her holding out her hand to Hans as he freaks out and attacks her is already a palpable tragedy) and by the way the scene was framed I suspect the Route B reveal is where the most important part of the scenario lies.

And the seals came back! It’s the little things.

“I wish I was Fyra.” So in the original Replicant the conversation between Emil and Nier before Sech’s wedding was apparently an implication that Emil had a crush on Nier and wanted to marry him. It was ambiguous enough that people had to ask for clarification and some players interpreted it as a weird, childish expression of looking up to and respecting Brother Nier. It was clarified in the Grimoire NieR that Emil is gay and crushing hard on Brother Nier, and this line of dialogue here seems to have been... not made explicit, but changed even between RepliCant and ver. 1.22 to make the implication a little clearer, at least insofar as he isn’t interested in girls. (It winds up missing the implication that he’s into Nier specifically, though.)

...which is funny, because it colors his introduction to the King of Facade somewhat differently. These two meeting is honestly really sweet on a few levels (Sechs recognizing him from Nier’s descriptions, which implies that Nier’s been visiting Sechs regularly and so proud of his interactions with Emil he told the king of another nation all about him, and the King is legit excited to meet him) but then a couple of minutes later Emil is all ‘I’m so jealous of Fyra’. He isn’t crushing on Nier, but he is totally crushing on Sechs.

Endgame At this point in the game the distinction between Brother and Father has become mostly lost and the final charge is pretty much the same as

wait what’s up with the music in the Lost Shrine? This is Snow in Summer.

Or an arrangement thereof. That particular track level from Snow in Summer winds up getting used in a few new places and it has this kind of weird, vague sense of dread that makes it work pretty well. Utterly threw me off in the Lost Shrine, though (I think it’s appropriate given its connection to the Shadowlord/Gestalt Nier so slowly re-introducing it in the climb is pretty cool). It also builds insanely as you climb, which is a very cool effect but, um, I’m just here to pick up some sidequest items right now this feels like a little much.

There isn’t much to say regarding any impact or differences in the large part of this area of the game. It’s a good final dungeon, it carries good momentum, it works as well as it ever did (that is to say, rather well). The emotional beats are great and translate equally well between the protagonists, although I have to give the nod to Papa Nier during a lot of this just for the imagery of such a big, powerful man becoming so broken the further he goes in (and Kaine being strong enough to toss him around like a rag doll anyway).

The final flashback with Nier and Yonah also feels better with Papa Nier. I always read it as, of course, Papa Nier having his moment with Yonah, giving her the flower, and as he lays back down Yonah does the same big sigh like she’s trying to emulate her dad and it’s really sweet. This is another one of those moments where it’s not something that feels wrong in Replicant, but just having that comparison in the back of my head is something that I just can’t help.

Is Papa Nier still Best Neir? Yes.

But there’s room in my heart for Brother. I’m glad the bizarre marketing decision happened and both of these characters can exist.

...and then we reload the save. Okay, okay, so-- so here’s the thing-- I figured that’s a good place to conclude a session, right? Get to the ending, prepare for the next run. But I also know that Route B starts with Kaine’s unskippable novel segments. I’ve read them, of course, so I figure I’ll just reload into Route B so I can make a save after the novel sections, really get into the meat of Route B when I’m fresh.

So skim through those--

Beat up the Knave--

Skim through the rest--

Educated Warrior... didn’t pop...?--

Wait what’s this camera angle--

Why am I outs--

oh my god

KAINE AND EMIL HAVING GIGGLY GIRL TALK AROUND THE CAMPFIRE OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING

THERE’S MORE.

THERE’S. MORE.

I legit short-circuited. Going in I knew they added the Little Mermaid. I knew they added Ending E. Those were things I suspected would be added and went out to specifically confirm; beyond that I’ve been keeping myself completely spoiler free.

I had no idea there was more. I had no idea this was happening.

I’m so excited.

And a goofy thought for the road

“I polished you with a special cloth, I poured warm water on you--”

“Wait, you poured water on me?”

/imagines Emil running blindfolded eight hours across the Southern Plains with an 8oz plastic water cup, getting to the library, splashing it on Kaine, waiting expectantly

/nothing happens

/walks dejectedly eight hours all the way back to the Manor

#NieR #NieR Replicant #Musings #Ramblings #OH MY GOD WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME ABOUT THIS #I AM SO GLAD NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THIS

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whetstonefires · 3 years

Note

Since you like the Hellboy...*perks up* Can I ask what you like about it? Does this need to be part of the ask game, if so, smash it in there. But opinions! I would love!

Ooh! Hm. This is actually surprisingly hard to articulate.

I’ve been ‘into’ Hellboy for like. Half my damn life now, and while I could have gone on at length about all the things about it I found fun as a teenager it was at its core very much a ‘this makes me Feel Happy’ thing. And now that glow is less intense but it’s bolstered by that habitual sort of attachment you feel to like. Family members.

Let’s see how far I can break this down lol.

I have never been able to much like most of the BPRD tie-in type materials and I was not at all pleased with the films, so to an extent I think I can say confidently part of what I like is the way Hellboy is situated in a superhero-comic-adjacent space while being very much coordinated by one overarching creative sensibility--like, other people were brought in to work on Hellboy a lot over the course of the run, but Mignola always had a unifying voice and even when I don’t actually agree with his taste or values that level of artistic...intentionality? Judgment? Presence? Something like that. Gives the work a sense of...integrity? Maybe just unity.

Anyway makes it feel less plastic than comics often do. This is a corporate product of course but it’s also just Mike Mignola hanging out doing whatever he thinks would be cool. Drawing rocks and monsters because that’s what he wants to draw. I like that.

Some of the higher-quality webcomics you get nowadays, when they don’t take themselves too terribly seriously but aren’t outright comedic, can land similarly in terms of voice, but even just fifteen years ago webcomics weren’t really at that point yet as a medium, and even now most are still amateurish as well as amateur. Which is fine, but different.

To get slightly less meta, I love the collection of genres that are smeared together for Hellboy--we’ve got a lot of detective noir stuff cut together with cosmic horror and like...the genre where people research folklore and then mostly punch it. Does that have a name? And then there are a bunch of other influences stirred in, sometimes for only a single issue, sometimes more.

Mignola managed to be significantly less offensive than average about the way he adapted world folklore into his weird groddy kitchen-sink fantasy system, which is pretty funny because he doesn’t come across as being careful about it at all. Not that I think there was no effort made, but also he just used research as a basis for narrative much more often than he started with a story premise and stretched the creature to fit, which by default gave him less scope for dickery.

Also I think the only god he ever fights is Hecate and she’s handled from a 19th-century-occultist angle rather than a Classical angle.

Also Hellboy fights Nazis and cyborg gorillas as well as like. Baba Yaga and vampires. The balance of schlock and gonzo nonsense to pathos and sensitive emotional bits is usually about where I like it.

The episodic format is really well used. It lets the storytelling style lean heavily on the late-19th-through-mid-20th-century short story genres that it borrows a lot from, and which honestly has always worked better for comics than end-to-end long-arc serialization. I like how the anachronic order of many sections of the series allowed for a lot of ‘building outward from the middle.’

Also it means the story can stay true to its roots and kill off a lot of characters in gothic excess without constantly sloughing main cast or having to do fakeouts.

...I can’t believe that since Hellboy isn’t really emotionally involved with the issue of his birth parents except inasmuch as it explains the world-ending stone hand, the single angstiest part of his backstory is technically when he went on a drinking binge road trip around Mexico in his teens and made friends with vampire-fighting luchador triplets but then the youngest one whom he was closest to was kidnapped by the vampires and Hellboy had to kill his best friend, and this is all established in a random side story that pushes the intentional genre absurdism to its breaking point and is equal parts comedic and grotesque.

(The second angstiest is probably the bit in volume 1 when he finds his dad murdered by frogs.)

I also just love characters who wear trench coats and are actually really clever and knowledgeable and kind but tend to resort, in extremity, to just hitting problems really hard. Okay? I like that. That’s a fave.

Hellboy’s whole character design is very strong, a bunch of dramatic broad-strokes decisions that contrast interestingly against one another, and then a lot of subtler elements layered in crosswise.

The way his relationship to the narrative ‘occult-fighting antichrist figure’ could be really straightforward, but keeps stepping a little sideways off the usual shape of the tropes in a way that creates depth.

He’s a giant red demon guy who stopped aging in the 50s; he’s never going to be able to be ‘normal’ or pretend he isn’t what he is--but also he’s a dude with a government job and probably a Social Security Number who goes and interviews people about the situation and says ‘I’m Agent Hellboy’ and gets called ‘Mr. Boy’ and is just this guy who knows his shit and can take a beating.

(This was one of the major things I hated in the first movie, that they decided to make him this weird secret cryptid whose dad keeps him locked in a vault when he’s not fighting.)

The way the identity thing is never reduced to comfortable binaries with him except by enemies trying to psych him out is just really satisfying. He fights monsters not because he hates them or himself but because he was recruited into this career young and he’s really good at it, and he feels good about helping people who are being victimized.

When something occult isn’t hurting anybody he’s down to chill, and if it turns out they secretly are after all he’s always so tired and disappointed, and if they really aren’t then he has a new friend. Whom he may never see again or may hit up for a game of cards next time he’s in town.

(I also like how he combines ‘being pretty private’ ‘being very casually friendly’ and ‘being an asshole who makes a lot of enemies’; it’s not that unusual a combo for his type of main character but it’s one I enjoy.)

When he breaks off his own horns as part of his rejection of being Anung Un Rama it’s not ‘choosing humanity’ or w/e it’s choosing not to be used for this. His name is Hellboy, which is an objectively awful name but it was given to him by people he loved and who chose him, not the people who made him or brought him to this world to be used, and he chooses it.

And that has weight. That has force enough behind it to carry a world.

Just in general in spite of all the identity stuff he gets swamped with he’s really good at self-knowledge and letting other people’s ideas of who and what he’s supposed to be just wash over him. As the story goes on and shit gets weirder his sense of identity gets shaken, but he never quite loses that anchor in the knowledge that he is the ultimate arbiter of his own identity.

His exasperation on being told via stabbing that he doesn’t get to be King of England even if he is the first male descendant of King Arthur since Mordred is so funny. Why is this a thing, says Hellboy. Why am I finding out like this. Why do I always find out this shit like this. Why would anyone think I wanted to be King of England. I already punched so many skeletons about not wanting to be King of Witches.

He’s got so much righteous anger that comes out when people are treated as disposable, or as less for being not human or less human or superpowered, and of course it’s founded in his own experiences and his own fight for respect but it’s not about him. It’s about the person who’s suffering now.

One time his combat one-liner before shooting something started with ‘The Torch of Liberty said I was the worst shot he ever tried to train’ that’s so funny! I love that!

He’s my boy okay.

#have this rant lol #hellboy #my opinions #fandom recruitment pitch #i have all 12 volumes and a number of very disappointing tie-ins #i almost didn't get them all because i was collecting at a leisurely rate #and then all the bookstores stopped stocking it because it had wrapped up #and guess what???#volume 11 of 12 ain't easy to find used!#comics #writing #identity #names and naming #beastenraged #ask #hoc est meum

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aband0ned-s0uls · 3 years

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A like V - Part 1

-SPOILERS FOR ENDING-

This is my first time writing a fic, and I’m so excited/nervous to share it with you guys! V gets a ‘lil birthday surprise.

Also please excuse the dreadful formatting, I’m not a Tumblr pro.

---------

V swirled the dregs of her drink around her glass as she leaned half against the bar of the Red Dirt, her head resting on her hand, letting the vibrations from the music flow through the cool metal of the worktop and into her body as she waited for the bartender to pour her next one.

After spending months cooped up in her apartment, watching shitty movies, eating cold burritos and recovering from having her own engram re-write the chip, V had been more than surprised when Kerry had called her on the holo and told her – not asked – that he had organised a birthday bash at the Red Dirt for her and her attendance was required. I mean sure, she'd had visitors, and Kerry had been a lifeline in enabling her to get drunk, release her built up frustration by smashing the shit out of everything in true Eurodyne style and reminisce about Johnny, but she never thought in a million years that Kerry Eurodyne would be organising a birthday party for her.

What might have been weirder was the fact that he had also invited her closest friends. Maybe she just wasn't used to people doing things out of the kindness of their hearts, but it all felt a little surreal.

She was lost in her thoughts as she studied the soft red and purple glow illuminating the edges of her glass, musing on how it reminded her of many an exhausted night of stumbling into her apartment, heading straight for her bed after a job and falling asleep to the sounds of Night City. The soft glow of the neon street lights from her window dancing underneath her eyelids as she drifted off. Of many a night listening to Johnny chastise her for falling asleep fully clothed, dinner neglected, asking her for at least one fuckin' cigarette before she passed out. She would launch a pillow at him and tell him to shut the fuck up, he would chuckle and call her a cunt as it sailed through his engram and hit the wall with a soft thud, and she would drift off with a small smile on her face.

Johnny. The thought of him, his absence, she felt it like a punch in the gut. Her fingers tightened around her glass. She'd made it out of Mikoshi alive, the chip re-written by Alt to contain her own engram. She was whole again, but she didn't feel like it.

The music from the band onstage, the animated voices from the people in the bar, strangers, acquaintances and friends alike washed over and around her, but she still felt so alone, and that made her equals parts sad and angry. She'd never really felt alone before – hell, she'd even enjoyed her alone time, but Johnny not being around was like missing a hole in her fuckin' head.

Why should I miss the ghost of a fuckin' asshole?

But V already knew the answer to that question. He wasn't just any asshole, he was her asshole. Johnny, who would tell her she looked shit warmed up and made sure she ate something when she'd forgotten to all day in the same breath. Johnny, who would cover her back and alert her to enemies she hadn't spotted so she didn't get another bullet lodged in her fuckin' skull, but would let her gladly stay unaware of an object at her feet when she stumbled into her apartment drunk, just so he could laugh as she tripped and face planted the back of her couch.

Johnny who had been given a second shot at life, Johnny who was the most inherently selfish motherfucker she'd ever met had turned around and traded it for hers.

Johnny, who had brushed her hair behind her ear in cyberspace, and with more emotion in his voice than she'd ever thought possible, had said his only regret in this life was that they'd never get a happy ending.

She'd relived that memory, over and over again. She'd thought he'd meant as two chooms, riding through Night City, shooting the shit after another relentless job, like her and Jackie. But when she'd looked in his eyes, she knew he'd meant more. They'd both shared thoughts and emotions, and the closer they'd got on their journey to Mikoshi, the more their feelings for each other had become intertwined. Never needing to – or at least willingly – be spoken out loud.

Until the end. The look on his face as she turned around one last time before she crossed the bridge. The thought of more, and the implications of what could have been, was what kept her awake at night.

She was torn away from her melancholy thoughts when the bartender slid her fresh vodka lemonade over to her. V looked up and forced a smile. V's vision blurred slightly, and she told herself it was the four drinks she'd already had, but as she blinked rapidly she knew that wasn't the whole truth. Fuck it, she thought. If this was going to be the tone of the evening, a little extra alcohol could only help. Besides, it was her birthday, and V decided if there was ever an appropriate time to get shit-faced, now was definitely it.

“Two shots of tequila too please, choom.”

“Coming right up, chica.”

The bartender came back quickly with her shots.

One for Jackie, and one for Johnny.

V threw them back, one after another. Her eyes watered after the second, and a warm flush enveloped her from her head to her toes. She was buzzed, and the alcohol felt like an emotional safety blanket. She couldn’t stop thinking about him, but at least after 6 drinks it hurt a little less.

As the bartender took away her empties, V felt a familiar presence close in.

“Those are on me.”

V turned to see the one person who always managed to lift her spirits, Panam.

“Happy Birthday, V.”

V smiled, a genuine smile this time, and wrapped an arm around Panam's shoulder. V was relieved that was Panam was here. She was like the sister V had never had, and V held her memories with Pan laying awake, shit-faced and laughing underneath the stars in the Badlands as close to her heart as she did with her memories of Jackie. True friendship was hard to find, and Panam was truly an angel.

A hot-tempered angel with a love for cold beer and fast cars, but an angel never the less.

“Pan! I didn't think you'd make it, 's good to see you.”

Panam laughed, her brown eyes sparkling with warmth, and V earned herself a nudge in her side from Panam's elbow. V chuckled.

“V, I hope you are joking. It's your birthday, of course I'd be here, you're family.”

Panam took a swig of the Brosephs she had in hand and gave V a sly smile as she leaned her back against the bar.

“We managed to finish our... business, right on time.”

V's arched a brow at Panam's choice of words, and was about to question why she looked like the cat who got the cream when she saw, to her utter surprise, Mitch and Kerry walking through the bar towards them. They were talking in serious tones, glancing every now and again at V, but the noise in the bar was too loud for V to hear them.

Now this should be interesting, V thought as she removed her arm from around Panam and reached for her vodka lemonade, taking a sip, her curiosity piqued. Since when the fuck were Mitch and Kerry chooms?

Both of the men broke out into shit-eating grins when they locked eyes on V. Kerry sauntered right over to V, clapping her on the shoulder.

“V! Kid, glad you made it.”

He beamed at her, and shouted to the barman for another round of drinks. Him and Panam shared a knowing look as V readjusted her position, leaning so that her back was against the bar so that she could look at both of them.

“So, now that you're here, I have a preem birthday surprise for you, V. It's gonna blow your fucking socks off, I'm tellin' ya.”

Kerry settled beside her, taking a drink from the freshly poured round on the bar. He winked before downing it in one go, as her face turned to look of confusion.

V looked between all three of them, taking another sip of her drink.

“I'm guessin' all of you were involved in this surprise then, huh?”

Panam and Mitch smiled brightly, Mitch chuckling through a freshly lit cigarette. Before they could answer, Kerry banged down his now empty glass onto the bar, and clapped his hands together, looking at the stage. V followed his gaze and noticed that the music had stopped, and a group of stage hands were moving equipment around. Her eyes went wide as she noticed Nancy setting up her keyboard on the stage, followed shortly by Denny.

“Ker, what the fuck...” She looked at him. “You guys are playin' me a birthday gig?”

Ker laughed, clapping her on the shoulder again as he started walking backwards away into the crowd, heading towards backstage.

“You'll see V, like I said, it's gonna be FUCKIN' preem!”

With another wink and a finger pointed at her, he was gone.

V shook her head, smiling, feeling flattered and happy. She guessed she'd had a bigger impact on the people in her life than she previously thought. Hearing some of Samurai's music live on her birthday? It was going to be bittersweet.

Still, she didn't understand Mitch's and Panam's involvement in this... V fidgeted with her leather skirt and twisted a strand of her long dark hair pensively whilst she waited for the show to start.

-----------------------------

Kerry practically skipped backstage, slamming the doors wide open.

“Everythin' ready to go?” He asked, as he jumped in place, rolling his shoulders and wrists.

“Ready to rock and fuckin' roll.”

Ker looked over to the man sat in the corner, who outwardly appeared cocky and relaxed, cigarette in hand and legs up and resting on an amp.

But Ker knew better, far better. The nervous strum of metal fingers along the sideboard that hadn't ceased since they arrived and the empty pack of cigarettes laying on the floor told Kerry all he needed to know.

He gave his old friend a wide smile and smacked him on the shoulder.

“She's gonna fuckin' love it, Johnny. Now stop brooding, lets' go knock her dead.”

#spoilers #cyberpunk2077 #JohnnySilverhand #Female V #Johnny Silverhand / Female V #Canon? I don't know her #a liiiiitle bit of angst #Panam is the best damn friend and I love her so much #fic #eventual smut - you have been warned

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osakaso5 · 4 years

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Minami Natsume Twelve Hits! Rabbit TV Part 3: A Piano Accompanied Birthday

Part 1 | Part 2

Toma Inumaru: This is... a bar?

Torao Mido: Hmm. I never expected you to know a place like this.

Minami Natsume: Well, it's owned by someone I know... I asked to borrow this place for a moment before it opens.

Owner: Welcome. I hope you have a wonderful night, even if you can't stay for long.

Haruka Isumi: ...Do they only have alcohol here..?

Minami Natsume: No need to be so nervous. They serve non-alcoholic cocktails and juice, too.

Haruka Isumi: I'm not nervous!

Torao Mido: ...And? We're the ones who were going to invite you to a party tomorrow...

Torao Mido: So what are you planning to do with us today?

Minami Natsume: We're here... For this.

Toma Inumaru: ...A piano?

Haruka Isumi: You're gonna play us something?

Minami Natsume: Yes. I wanted to perform a piece for you.

Minami Natsume: Consider it my way of thanking you for celebrating my birthday. Receiving things without giving something in return doesn't sit well with me.

Minami Natsume: ...Allow me to do something for all of you.

Toma Inumaru: And you reserved a place like this just for that..?

Minami Natsume: Our rehearsal room and studio both have pianos, but that wouldn't make for much of a spectacle, now would it?

Torao Mido: Huh, now I'm interested. What are you going to play?

Minami Natsume: Take a seat, everyone. ...And listen.

~~~♪

Haruka, Toma, & Torao: ..........

Haruka Isumi: Wow... Minami's piano playing is something else...

Toma Inumaru: What a pretty song... It's so different from our usual stuff in like, a fantastical way.

Torao Mido: Yeah. ...But I must say, he picked an awfully sad tune to thank us with...

- - - -

Minami Natsume: ...Huff. Thank you for listening.

Haruka Isumi: Minami, tell us why you picked that song.

Minami Natsume: ...Fun and happy songs don't suit us very well. At least, that's what I think.

Minami Natsume: We've been forged together by rough, dark emotions. Like a waning moon that continues to shine regardless...

Minami Natsume: That is the kind of music that adorns us much better.

Torao Mido: Adorns, huh... I guess you could call it our unique style, since it's something none of the other groups have.

Toma Inumaru: I dunno if we can even compare ourselves to them... But either way, it's nice that we've got our own thing!

Haruka Isumi: ...Yeah. Your performance was awesome, Minami.

Minami Natsume: Of course it was.

Toma Inumaru: ...And here comes the owner with cake, at just the right time!

Minami Natsume: Huh..? ...When did you..?

Owner: The others requested this just before you began playing. I couldn't prepare anything more special on such short notice, so it's just some items from our dessert menu...

Torao Mido: No, it's fine. This random assortment of sweets suits us better, anyway.

Haruka Isumi: A mishmash of stuff, coming together...

Toma Inumaru: Yeah. It's the best cake plate we could've asked for.

Minami Natsume: ...But I already had a cake at the radio station...

Toma Inumaru: What're you talking about, Mina!?

Haruka Isumi: The four of us haven't had any cake together yet.

Minami Natsume: Ah...

Torao Mido: Alright. ...Time to light up these strange, thin candles...

Haruka Isumi: Torao, those aren't candles.

Toma Inumaru: They're fireworks!

Torao Mido: Fireworks? That sounds like a dangerous thing to light on top of a table.

Haruka Izumi: Ahaha! Just light them, already!

Torao Mido: ...Here we go. Haha... I never knew fireworks could be this cute.

Toma Inumaru: Happy birthday, Mina!

Minami Natsume: ...Hehe. Ahaha...

Haruka Isumi: He burst out laughing.

Torao Mido: Wait, is the sky gonna fall tomorrow or something? Maybe we should do one of his famous fortunes, just to be safe.

Minami Natsume: Sakura-san, I'm glad you had the chance to meet these three. I'll continue singing with these friends of mine.

Minami Natsume: ...So please, listen to us. I want to believe that our voices will reach you, no matter how far you may be.

Haruka Isumi: And just like that, he stopped.

Toma Inumaru: Mina's kinda acting even weirder than usual today...

Minami Natsume: Who are you calling weird?

Torao Mido: Haha. I'd say we're all pretty weird.

Minami Natsume: ...No. Not just "pretty" weird, we're extremely strange.

Minami Natsume: I was just feeling very emotional that four people like us would get to know each other like this.

Toma Inumaru: ...Let's keep wrecking the world with Mina's songs.

Torao Mido: We're dangerous. We'll break our rails and rebuild them with our own hands.

Haruka Isumi: You can't find a group this awesome just anywhere.

Minami Natsume: Right. I'll follow you until the end. ...Even to hell.

End of Part 3.

Translator’s notes..?

next up, Tenn’s bnOURS Rabbit TVs!

#idolish7 #minami natsume #twelve hits!#translation #zool #rabbit tv

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sinceileftyoublog · 3 years

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Wobbly Interview: Going for Happy

BY JORDAN MAINZER

Thurston Moore Ensemble/Negativland band member Jon Leidecker has been releasing electronic music under the moniker Wobbly for over two decades now. In Chicago experimental label Hausu Mountain, he seems to have found kindred spirits, matching his far out idiosyncrasies. 2019′s Monitress and its follow-up, Popular Monitress, which came out earlier this month, are albums about and by machines, as Leidecker ran his music into pitch trackers and synth apps on his phones and tablets, embracing the errors and randomness that were produced along the way. While the source material on Monitress was mostly improvised, the songs on Popular Monitress are more structured and composed, resulting in songs like “Authenticated Krell”, which follows a comparatively clean synth arpeggio before being enveloped by texture, or “Lent Foot”, where the various instruments trail each other. It’s remarkable just how familiar certain sounds are even if not traditionally instrumental ones, like the typewriter clacks of “Illiac Ergodos 7!” or the zooming notes of the thumping title track. Blurring the lines between what’s instrument and what’s not, and even further, what’s composed music and what’s not, Popular Monitress is a defining statement for both Leidecker and Hausu.

I was able to ask Leidecker about various songs on the album and their inspirations. Read his answers below!

Since I Left You: You chose to write more structured songs this time around before running them through the pitch tracker. Do those nuggets of recognizable structures make the final product all the more disorienting?

Jon Leidecker: Hopefully! On both albums, the main thing is keeping the focus on just how live those pitch trackers are. It’s Monitress as long as you can hear how they’re listening. For years, it was strictly a piece for live performance--I needed to be improvising myself, and able to respond instantly, to really underline just how spontaneous the machine responses are. So the first record tried to keep more of that sense of flow. Large stretches of it are simply baked down from stereo recordings of concerts & radio performances of it. Overdubbing more layers of trackers seemed legal, as long all the voices were following that one original sound.

Of course, when you play a tune, something composed or even quantized, it definitely becomes easier to hear what they’re doing. The exact same code running on each phone will respond in very different ways to the same source audio, and you get a chorus of individual voices. They play a lot of wrong notes, but oddly, if you feed the trackers lots of consonant, major chords, it stops being dissonance, and you can tell they’re going for happy. You hear these weird things, trying to sing in unison, and..the result is just pure delight. Weirdly emotional! What’s a mistake? What’s music?

SILY: How did you come up with the song titles? For instance, is there anything particularly Appalachian about "Appalachian Gendy"?

JL: They’re mostly mashed up references to landmark works in the field of generative & algorithmic composition, from the 50’s up to the early 90’s. The recent push of stories on AI musical tools seems to be about automation and labor-saving, but the field of how to develop tools for more creative ends goes back all the way to Bebe and Louis Barron going to the Macy Conferences on Cybernetics and designing their first self-oscillating feedback circuit.

So while my tracks aren’t really in the musical style of the works they reference--something like “Appalachian Gendy”, which sprung up a fantasy Spiegel/Xenakis tribute, got paired to that stompdown track, and once it did, I added a solo on iGendyn.

SILY: To what extent is your music here inspired by the inner workings of the brain?

JL: Once you get a grip on just how simply neurons and synapses interact, how reassuringly physical thinking is, the electronic music I’ve always found most inspiring often involve feedback systems, self-playing devices, generative music, things that learn rather than settle. Music that helps you model thought. The whole East Coast/West Coast 60’s divide in synth design boiled down to Moog reducing your options until you could easily dial in what you already know you want, and Buchla designing uncertainty machines to be networked together until they approach the complexity of an unknown brain.

SILY: "Synaptic Padberg" and "Every Piano" have moments of recognizable instruments as opposed to alien instruments (strings and piano, respectively). Was that just a product of the errors/randomness of the music-making, or purposeful?

JL: It's supposed to sound orchestral, so I hit my Mellotron and Chamberlin apps pretty hard with this piece. Not like anything remains plausibly real once they're getting hammered by the trackers. That is a real grand piano, however: me playing the tune at SnowGhost Music in Montana. Brett Allen deserves an engineering credit, but I also wanted the first listen to make you wonder.

SILY: There's almost a funky rhythm to "Motown Electronium". Do you envision folks dancing to this record?

JL: Would have been plain wrong to put that title on an unworthy beat. What would a room full of people dancing to this even be like? Maybe in Baltimore.

SILY: Do you think "Training Lullaby" is what a computer trying to write a lullaby would sound like?

JL: Not that relaxing, is it? That’s ten seconds pulled from a five minute live improvisation, just a little burst of fury in the middle. Which I’ve heard enough now that I can sing along to it; so now, for me, it is calming.

I finally had to admit to myself that I’m a fan of the OpenAI Jukebox stuff. It’s right at that stage where their results are still primitive enough to remain a little mysterious. All the context and relationships intrinsic to what humans call music is irrelevant to those GANs. They don’t need culture to make music, they just need waveforms. What does it tell us that simple pattern analysis and brute number crunching on a large enough data set can produce those sounds? They’re training us. I have twelve hours of their Soundcloud dump ripped to my phone, and I play it a lot, though I wouldn’t play it for anyone under four. Can definitely sing along to some of the weirder ones by now.

SILY: How did you approach the order of tracks on the record? I'm struck by, for instance, the chaos of "Grossi Polyphony" following the comparative lull of "Every Piano".

JL: Just trying to show the range, and keep the surprises coming. Perpetual variety becomes monotony so quickly, so there is a very careful balancing act to play between shorter and longer tracks. I like a record where on first listen, any new section that begins, you feel like there are no guarantees how long it’ll last, eight seconds or eight minutes. Even things that sound like they should be songs: no guarantees. I still remember the first time I heard The Faust Tapes as a teenager.

SILY: Did you actually use musical dice to write "Wurfelspiel"?

JL: “Wurfelspiel” is just name-dropping Mozart’s generative piece--again, a real piano, but no musical dice involved.

SILY: The beats towards the end of the album--the pseudo hip-hop of "Cope By Design", techno of "Dusthorn Sawpipe", krautrock of "Help Desk"--seem to me to be far more propulsive than anything else here. Do you see a connection between those tracks?

JL: The album hits you with all these miniatures in the middle to keep things moving, and those three are the last little barrage of them before the shift into the final stretch with the longer, more hypnotic pieces. Can be tough to sequence an album when you’ve got so many short tracks, but it’s also total freedom.

SILY: How did you like getting the Hausu Mountain album art treatment?

JL: Totally family. All the Monitress packaging has always been iPhone panorama mode artifacts, visual glitches not entirely unlike what my phone’s trackers do to what they hear. I gave one of those images to [Hausu Mountain co-founder Max Allison] to work with the cover of the first Monitress, and he sent back this image, saying, “Here’s the initial stage: Your photo reduced to color blocks I’ll carefully render out later.” So when the second hyper-detailed one came back in a more proper Hausu style, they already seemed like a sequence, and this second one was already in place, so it all clicked. Any version of Monitress, the music is different, but it’s always the same piece. I’m really happy they asked me for something. [Label co-founder Doug Kaplan] and Max are just coming from the good place.

SILY: Are you doing any live streams or socially distant shows any time soon?

JL: Multi-location live streams are a blast. The time modulation inherent in all streaming is deeply psychedelic. The kind of listening you have to do when you know that the relationship of sounds together in time is different for each musician involved? I’m learning utterly new tricks, and it’s astonishing just how live the result is. I sat in on a live stream with Thurston Moore Group a few months ago, the four of them in London, and me hooked up to an amp not far from where I normally am when I play with them. And everyone agreed: It felt like I was there, right up until the instant I quit the app.

I’ve been pre-recording some home live sets for Hausu, Curious Music and High Zero Foundation. Negativland is putting together an hour long performance with Sue-C for the Ann Arbor Film Festival in late March. I finished an album mostly recorded outdoors with my old friend Cheryl E. Leonard for Gilgongo, and we’re going to try to a few outdoor concerts, too.

SILY: What else are you currently working on/what's next?

JL: The second album with Sagan, with Blevin Blectum & J Lesser, is coming out in late April. That one took 14 years to finish. There’s a trio record with Thomas Dimuzio and Anla Courtis coming out on Oscarson. Doing a revision of the last episode of my podcast on sampling music, Variations, to incorporate that OpenAI music. Some Negativland releases tying together the last two albums. There are about four of five other albums that might be done, though it takes time to be sure.

SILY: Anything you've been listening to, reading, or watching lately?

JL: This month has been Maryanne Amacher’s collected writings, Keeping Together in Time by William H. McNeill, Ministry For The Future by Kim Stanley Robinson, important even with happy ending. Interview with Karl Friston - Of Woodlice And Men. Listening to a lot of “Blue” Gene Tyranny, Xenakis & Lang Elliott, and last week every Ghédalia Tazartès album in reverse chronological order. I don’t care what anybody says: That guy’s immortal.

SILY: Anything I didn't ask about you want to say?

JL: Thank you for your questions!

Popular Monitress by Wobbly

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littlepurinsesu · 4 years

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V Watches MagiReco - Episode 9 Review

*Spoilers for Magia Record Anime Episode 9*

I... have mixed feelings about this episode O___O While some parts were definitely well-done (like, REALLY well-done), there were some others that left me a bit underwhelmed and wanting something more?

Don’t get me wrong, by no means was it not a good episode, because it was. But I’m gonna try my hardest to pinpoint why I felt that while some parts were amazing, others really could have been done better.

The phone conversation with Iroha and AI had some top-notch imagery going on in the background. As expected of a PMMM spin-off, every single frame probably has some deep and profound symbolism if you really wanted to pause and analyse each one. There’s never a dull moment on screen; even when all that’s happening is a phone conversation, they know how to hold your attention by giving your eyes a feast with that amazingly trippy and surreal kind of art style that PMMM is known for.

I, too, was a bit disappointed that Madoka and Homura didn’t show up, and by the looks of it, they probably won’t be making their appearance during Sana’s arc at all, which makes yet another major deviation the anime has made. But it’s not that huge of a deal to me because I know they’ll appear at some other point and I’m sure they had their reasons for making this change (hopefully for something better!). I’m happy to let the new characters take the spotlight; I actually think it’s a better choice than constantly relying on the Holy Quintet to build hype and satisfy the fans, which could actually draw attention and focus away from the main plot sometimes. This is how I personally feel, at least ^^;;

That being said, although I didn’t mind Madoka and Homura not being there, I did have some issues with Iroha’s entrance into the Rumour. It just happened... way too quickly and suddenly? I expected a bit more dialogue between the characters, especially since Yachiyo’s expression and comment about jumping off the tower not killing magical girls should have been a big indicator that she knows something (wink wink). I think that might have been a good chance to foreshadow the reveal that comes with Chapter 6, and maybe add a bit more mystery to Yachiyo’s unrevealed past. But the biggest problem I had with this scene was the way Iroha jumped lol. She just... jumped. Like it was no big deal. And it was even weirder because she technically “fell” while reaching out to catch Lil’ Kyubey, but there was hardly any reaction xD She also happened to be in the middle of a sentence while talking to Yachiyo LOL clearly that “jump” wasn’t a planned or prepared one xD I just really felt like the dialogue wasn’t finished or something was cut somewhere in there? They were talking and suddenly down she goes. I know I probably sound extremely nitpicky and this is just a minor detail that doesn’t really make much difference to the story (none at all, in fact), but I just found her apathy somewhat unrealistic and strange, which broke the immersion for me during what should have been a very crucial and heart-pounding moment. Unless Iroha’s just super brave and isn’t afraid of heights at all? Maybe? xD

Anyway, back to the positive stuff! Sana’s backstory was depicted really well. Again, absolutely amazing visuals (I especially liked the use of shoes and dinosaurs). And Sana’s bond with AI was portrayed even better than in the game, in my opinion. It was the most heartwarming and bittersweet relationship, and it’s amazing to see how AI slowly changes in Sana’s company. By the way, their chess game with little puppies and kittens was adorable omg x) I’d love to write more on Sana and AI, but I don’t really have anything specific to say except that I just really, really loved how their relationship was portrayed. Definitely the best part about this week’s episode.

And now comes my biggest complaint: Alina’s debut. As one of the most popular and interesting MagiReco characters, I’m sure the entire fandom was looking forward to how the anime would go about introducing her. I don’t know if I just set my expectations too high or anything, but her entrance was extremely underwhelming for me. And a lot of the reasons were exactly the same as my dissatisfaction with Iroha’s jump: too rushed and too many missed opportunities. She just kind of appeared out of nowhere, and while I do appreciate the “shock value”, what annoyed me was the lack of of a proper “introduction” she got. AI stated her name, and Iroha questioned if she was a member of the Wings of Magius, but we didn’t get any answers. There was no explanation on who she was or what she was doing there, how she got in and what her relationship with AI was. Game players would know, of course, but I’m concerned that anime-only viewers will have no idea what’s going on and probably also have no idea that they just met one of the most important and popular characters of the franchise right now. Essentially, they’re just gonna be seeing a very flamboyant and crazy girl enter and wreck havoc but with no explanation about why she was doing what she was doing or what her connection was with the current situation and the bigger picture of the plot thus far. She just comes in and steals the spotlight, and while game players know that she definitely deserves the spotlight given who she is, anime-only viewers are probably going to be left wondering why this random green girl just came in, who the heck she is, and why everything is about her all of a sudden.

Another crucial piece of information that got lost in that very rushed and chaotic introduction was the fact that Alina actually used the word “Doppel”, which is the first time the term has been dropped in the anime. But again, no one even responded or reacted in any way (at least do the cliche thing where the protagonist repeats “Doppel?” or something LOL), but no she just keeps rambling on and yet another crucial piece of information is lost in the shuffle. What makes it possibly even more confusing is that her Doppel really doesn’t look like the Doppels we’ve seen so far; it could pass as her shooting random bits of paint-like oozy stuff instead, so I’m really struggling to see how anime-only viewers are going to make that connection and put the pieces together.

And if her entrance was underwhelming, then her “exit” was probably even worse lol. She just... disappears xD It’s quite anticlimactic considering how it looked like we were gearing up for Sana vs. Alina, and then she just suddenly gets kicked out lmao. I get that she’ll be back really soon, but it still felt way too abrupt? I think my main gripe about everything to do with Alina’s debut can be summed up in two words: too rushed. There’s so much about her character that’s interesting and vital to the story, but everything either gets glossed over really quickly or just dropped here and there with no response from the other characters. Even if they didn’t want to get into details right away, which is also fine, they could still have slowed down and built up some mystery and tension so that we’ll want to find out more about her because we’re interested and curious, and not because we have no idea what’s going on. Her appearance should have brought some answers to the questions raised throughout the story thus far, but instead she just brought more confusion and chaos lol.

But her entrance wasn’t all negative! They absolutely nailed her mannerisms. Basically everything that makes her so infamously crazy was delivered flawlessly. Her expressions, her movements, her voice, her speech, her word choice... she definitely entered with a BANG and she’s no doubt going to leave a deep impression on viewers, whether they understand her deal or not lol. The voice-acting was also top-notch, as expected of her seiyuu. Alina’s one of those characters where you really need to hear her speaking and see her moving to experience the full extent of her "charm”, and I’d say the anime definitely delivered in that respect and portrayed her uniqueness in a strong and memorable way, so props to them for that :D

^ I really wanted to use this image for this week’s review, but it’s technically Sana’s episode so I stuck with Sana xD Oh, and another thing I definitely loved about her entrance was hearing her saying so many of her lines from the game battles ^^

... Wow I just rambled and ranted for four whole paragraphs about Alina’s introduction, sheesus... Onto some other stuff now, shall we? ^^;;

One of the most interesting things to me about AI was how her appearance changes to become more and more like Sana. This is another example where the anime is able to illustrate things that the game isn’t capable of, and while I’m not sure if it’s a change or I simply missed it in the game because of the static AI sprite, I definitely liked this little detail. It not only shows how AI slowly becomes more and more human, but also highlights the fact that her form resembling Sana implies the influence that Sana has had on her. Sana is all AI has really ever known about humans and the “real” world, and all the human feelings and emotions she gains are because of Sana. It makes perfect sense that when she takes on a more human-like appearance, it’s going to resemble Sana in some respect. The little detail with the crown near the end was also really sweet ;___;

I really do think “mixed feelings” is the best way to describe my overall impression of this week’s episode xD Sana’s backstory and her relationship with AI had me in tears, but Iroha’s jump and Alina’s debut definitely had me raising my eyebrows a few times. I can overlook the Iroha part as just me being nitpicky over a trivial detail, but I really do hope that they step up their game with Alina next week. They definitely did her justice on a surface level, but in terms of her significance and relevance to the plot, not so much. She’s such an important character and her appearance marks a major plot point, so I hope we get the explanations and clarifications needed soon.

I have even higher expectations for next week, since not only is the showdown with Alina something I’ve been looking forward to for a while, but I’m also hoping that they “rectify” some of the issues this week lol. Fingers crossed that Alina gets some better writing, and they continue doing the amazing job they’ve done so far with Sana’s story! ^^

Sorry I’m so much more “negative” this week compared to how I usually am with my reviews, but I was looking forward to Alina’s appearance so much and was really sad to feel any ounce of disappointment :( Hopefully next week’s review will be back to just me fangirling throughout hehe~

#magia record #magireco #puella magi madoka magica #puella magi madoka magica side story #pmmm #fandom #mine #anime #review #magia record review #v watches magireco

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testingcheatsenabletrue · 4 years

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My One, My Only, My Guardian... [pt.1]

[pt.2]

------------------

The wind whistled as it blew through the crumbling remains of the abandoned Golden Age town. Debris drifted across the ground, rattling faintly until it tumbled into a piece of rubble and stopped. What a sorry place to return to. I’ve been searching across the solar system for my Risen, I’ve checked every place I could and then checked again, again, and again, but I haven’t found them anywhere. This place? I’d been here so many times. Hundreds, thousands of times.

My first instinct is to say this is perhaps the 8th time I’ve been here, but in reality, it’s been so much more than that. Like. So much more. One thing was for certain, though: this time was probably the last, if the distant rumbles of Fallen salvage ships were anything to go by. Traveling alone and defenseless was never the safest bet, but it’s the only one I’ve been able to make for a while now.

I used to be in a little group of Ghosts, a pack if you will. Right off the bat, the lot of us decided safety in numbers was just about the only safety we’d get in our quest for our Risen. The first five of us to leave our pack found their Risen shortly after we started. Since then, we’ve gradually shed members while traveling. Out of the original twenty or so, eight had found their Risen, three were killed, and all the rest have given up.

All the rest, except for me. And I’ll be honest: if I don’t find my Risen here and now... I’m probably going to join them, one way or another.

Speaking of this place… I don’t know why I keep coming back here. It was the first place I tried looking. It has some sort of… feeling, within the earth itself, that I can’t describe. I can’t shake the sense that my other half is here, somewhere in the city.

I’ve often wondered what they would be like. I hoped that they’d be like Saint-14, or Cayde-6. Strong, funny, good-hearted. I sure hope they’re an exo. Then we’d have something in common, and I wouldn’t have to worry about healing them from environmental damage. I hear that’s really hard to deal with.

I always imagined them being a protector, a Titan, someone who put themselves before others. A gentle titan.. who gives really warm hugs. Or a cool hunter, with really warm coats! Just. Warm. And kind, soft. Someone who’d be nice to be held by.

I pass by a scraggly old tree that seemed to wave to me on my way to the abandoned construction site, giving me pause. I liked that tree. I named it something funny a couple hundred years ago. Like… Paul, or something. Paul sounds about right. Oh, I remember when Paul was just a little sapling – I thought it was a flower, at first. So small.

“Hi Paul.”

I continued on, unsteady from the wind, scanning rubble as I went. I circled the construction site. Once. Twice. Three times. Four.

I was forced to stop and hide as a Fallen ship roared overhead. I hid under a clump of weeds, close to the ground in hopes I wouldn’t be detected. I’ll admit… I panicked a bit and dug myself a ways into the finer bits of rubble. It was habit! Usually I’m not lucky enough to be stuck in a place with weeds. And I watched this crab.. thing… hide by burying itself in sand, so of course I do that now.

Wouldn’t have to if I had a Risen…

Oh, I really hope I can find mine. We’ll be two peas in a pod, my Risen and I, and I’ll never have to be scared and alone ever again…

I’ll be scared and with a friend, instead.

Or… different than a friend. I wouldn’t say more, but something other than a friend. Nothing more, nothing less, just… different.

We can travel the world together. Heck, the solar system. We’ll see beautiful things together… sunsets, oceans, ancient forests, glaciers. On this planet, or others. I always wanted to show my Risen all the pretty places I’ve been. I’ll pick my Risen flowers! Don’t know how, what with… not having hands… but I’ll find a way. For my Risen! And they’ll keep me safe and warm and hold me close…

I snuck a peak outside my hiding spot, shimmying across the ground slightly to get a better view of the sky. I sure didn’t hear any Fallen ships anymore, but you can never be too sure. Something felt funny. Like the ‘its-just-around-the-corner’ kind of funny. Except that corner was… the… the pile of gravel I’m currently hiding on. What? Another peak around and I was up in the air, squinting at the pile of rubble. I have it a closer look.

What I assumed was just another hill of rubble seemed to closer resemble a remarkably large pile of gravel that, over the years, was compacted into more solidified chunks. Grass was trying to grow over it, but it seemed like it was too dense for anything other than the roughest of weeds to deal with. It also seemed to have a lot of erosion going on… I could have sworn this pile was taller last time I was here. But I also thought it was rubble for… my whole life, really, so I could be wrong.

I gave the pile a quick scan.

Yep. Signs of erosion, rainfall. And…

I’m sorry, is that a body? Under this pile of gravel? But it’s huge! Like a small hill. How could a body be-

You know what, I’ve seen weirder places for a body to be.

I gave the spot another scan, this time trying to isolate the body. I could barely keep still. I always get like this during a candidate scan, but this time, in the place I always had a hunch about? This was beyond exciting.

Female. Exo… exo! Oh, please let this be my risen, please let this be my risen…

Frantically, I looked around. There has to be some way I can recover the body, get a better scan result. Wait, I was in a construction yard! I could use one of those, uhm, big dig machines. I’m not sure what they called them in the Golden Age. I dubbed them scoopers. ‘Cause.. they can scoop… things, I guess? That seems like it was their intended purpose, with the big bucket ends. The air buzzed as I zipped over to the nearest scooper. I could get one of these running. Easy peasy, even if they were old, rusted, hadn’t been used since the collapse…

If I could keep myself steady.

Just… flip a switch here, wrestle with some old engines there, give it a spiritual kick, and…

Well. Not this one.

I went over to another one, did the same. Not that one.

Third one, same attempt. It sputtered to life. It jittered and stopped, coughing at any chance it could, but it probably would do the trick.

I was so excited. This was it. This was my Risen. It had to be! I always knew she was here, I just knew it, I knew it! Screw you, that one really mean Ghost who said I would never find my Risen! Look who’s laughing now! Not you! What was your name? Barold? Bensen? Bob?

No, wait, it doesn’t matter. You gave up! I didn’t! And look who’s found their Risen. Me! Ghost!

I need to get a name sometime. My Risen can give it to me! Oh, I hope it’s really cute.. or cool. I can be cool. Yeah, I need a cool name. Like Jack. Or- or- Fin… bar.

I’m not good with names.

Oh, wait, my Risen, right!

I halted the scooper and peaked to the pile. It was very compact, but it wasn’t like it was cemented together. I just needed to be gentle, so I don’t hurt my Risen. Not that she can feel it, she’s kindof. Really dead. But still! First impressions. Not sure if she’ll remember this when I wake her up. I carefully started to nudge the gravel hill, testing the surface before I began digging into it. The old machinery struggled, but it was a good sport about it.

Digging took a lot longer than I expected, though mostly due to the scooper. Poor thing was old and tired. It’d been years since it last worked like this. Eventually, I uncovered my Risen. I used the machine to pick her up by the torso, move her out to the open where it would be easier to wake her up, and set her down. Carefully. Gently. Be nice! She’d do the same for me, if the situation were flipped.

Surely…

I rested the scooper’s arm down on the ground and turned it off.

“There you go, buddy. Sleep well. Thank you.”

I flew towards my Risen, my path more a wobbly spring than a straight line. I was so excited; I can’t contain it. This was it. I could feel it. She was the one! My one. My only. My Risen.

Another scan.

Female. Exo. Not sure what she used to be, her clothes didn’t match what I expected a Golden Age construction worker to have. It was a suit, of sorts, and thick jacket. Very official. Almost a military style.

But the Golden Age was a time of peace…

Whatever. They were remarkably well preserved, but even then, they were worn and dull. They were also not well situated, giving her an almost disheveled look despite the formality of the actual clothes themselves. I couldn’t tell if that was from the scooper or not.

She was a bit rusted, with excessive damage to her face. It was nearly completely caved in.

Is.. is she recoverable? Please…

My shell shuttered. She was. She just was. I could feel it. She was the one, my one, I could do this…

What would I say… what will I say? I’ve been searching so long, you’d think I’d have thought of this by now, but… all I’ve ever thought of is the life I would have with my Risen, not how it would start.

Vast oversight, Ghost.

Well. What was she like? What will she be like when I wake her?

Another scan!

Female. Exo. She’s very sound, cognitively. No corruption, mutation of any kind. Not like those on the moon. Certain. Convicted. Dedicated. Stubborn, maybe? Last few memories don’t sit well with me, though. The emotions… anger, fear, the kind of fear that makes you sick, sadness, loneliness, fear again… then cold. That’s the last thing. Fear and cold.

But she’s the one. She’s my Risen.

She won’t be lonely with me around.

I shivered again. This was it. This was it.

It all happened in what felt like a single second. I saw the spark, burning bright as the sun. It had a grandness to it, like an explosion that you couldn’t tear your eyes away from, despite its danger. Its intrigue, its glory, the terrifying awe and dreadful, humbling drum of your core as the shockwave hit you head-on. The Light came pouring down like rainfall, coalescing into a beam that was as instant and deafening as a thunderclap on a sunny day.

In a moment, it was there, and in a moment, it had gone.

I did it. She was here.

My Risen laid on the ground in front of me, looking to the sky with tired eyes, blinking slowly. I hovered above her, placing myself front and center.

“Eyes up, Guardian,” I breathed.

The seconds crawled by like hours as she gazed up at me, her expression not giving a thing away. What would she say? How did she feel? I couldn’t wait to hear-

“Five more minutes.”

She rolled over and went to sleep.

…

Well, that was anticlimactic.

#Alix #so uh i wrote when he found Gordon #theres more #enjoy #destiny #destiny ghost #writing #long post

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th3okamid3mon · 4 years

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La Liga de los 5, México has their own heroes [SPOILERS]

Superheroes are very popular now days, kids love them very much, so let Anima Studios jump into the opportunity to tell the story of group of heroes with unique and not orthodox superpowers. Mexicans have a new group of heroes and they are spicy!

Sinopsis:

After their parents passed away, Chema and Dolores have been living together while hiding. After using her powers and getting the attention of the main villain, she gets kidnapped and is held to be used for a ritual that brings back the worst evil the world has seen. Now Chema has to look for his parents´ comrades to save his little sister before it´s too late.

Art design and animation:

Let me get something out of the way: people always talk shit about this studio and about any animated Mexican movie. Mexican movies tend to be either gross humor and obscenities when it comes to animated movies, at least the ones with Huevo Cartoon, even Mexicans talk shit about their own studio! I hate that. Animation here is complicated to take out, people get inspire and do try to give something, to tell a story they believe in and show their creativity. People inside and out of the country have to understand we dont have the same resources but we do try to make something good. Ana y Bruno might not have looked pleasant but what it doesnt have in animation it has in character development and story. La leyenda de la Nahuala might have looked awkward, but the story and the effects (at the time) looked and gave slight horror to the kids who watch it. It´s a try and fail, it´s been a REALLY long time for animation in Mexico and this creators are trying their best, the main things they are using to tell stories might be viewed as over the top but those are practically the main parts of our culture. Of course there´s more, there are legends and places and such but for the love of god give the studio and the creators a break. They are trying to entertain you, they are trying to tell a story of bravery, of family, of accepting one self. STOP SHIT TALKING ABOUT MEXICAN MOVIES AS IF THEY ALL SUCK. THERE ARE PLENTY OF GOOD MEXICAN MOVIES, OLD AND NEW. SAYING MEXICAN MOVIES SUCK IS NOT A PERSONALITY TRAIT, CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM EXIST, YOU ARE NOT COOL FOR HATING A MEDIA.

Now where was I? Right.

As always, Anima Studios amazes me with their different animation skills and artwork. Maybe for some people who are used to Pixar or Dreamworks this doesnt look appealing, but hey, it looks way better than I thought, this is actually an improvement from previous works. Their style is recognizable and distinguish. If you dont know which studio is Anima or what they´ve done, maybe you´ve heard of La leyenda de la Nahuala. No? How about Legend Quest? Yep. They made Legend Quest.

The character design is always a treat, everyone look different from each other and always pop in their own ways. Even the background characters look different from each other, this people actually take care to make sure everyone looks unique. For some reason they didn´t use as many models as they used too, it look pretty empty in comparison to their other works but considering this is AN OPERA PRIMA from Maverick Núñez I think they did a really good job.

The main protagonists also come in different shapes:

Just... Look. You can tell everyone apart.

The backgrounds are really eye catching to being waaay too different from the main characters animation, that´s like they common thing now. I dont really mind, they capture what A MEXICAN CITY LOOKS LIKE NOT LIKE OTHER USA OR WHATEVER OTHER COUNTRY PORTRAYS IT. I can´t find many pictures since it has been almost a week after it came out.

The animation looked very fluid, one thing that is really awesome is that they use different types of animation, you have the main 2D and they mix up the 3D animation for villains and other models of backgrounds. Sure it pops up but it doesn´t do it as awkward as before, they made sure to blended a bit better. The effects are fitting and blend WAY better than other movies they´ve done. It looks part of the characters and part of the animation than a separated after effects thing. Anima Studios has improved a lot.

Sound and editing:

I don´t know if you know this, but sometimes some Mexican movies have troubles with sound, general sounds. Sometimes they are way to loud, other times way too low, then it has too much noise or sounds like a sound taken from the internet. This is one of the reasons some people don´t like Mexican movies, though the ones I´ve seen so far have improved more (And let me tell ya, Hollywood movies sometimes have sucky sound too. Really bad sound design sometimes, specially for horror movies and they HAVE A BIGGER BUDGETS! For example: The Conjuring used 20 000 000 dollars, Belzebuth, cost around 191 500 dollars. Like... Bruh).

In this case the sound design was on well done, it wasn´t over the top and the sounds made sense. effects for the cars and the steps do sound like they were done. The designers really tried and accomplish, the dialogues were at the same volume and never were uneven. I liked they didnt use a lot of popular songs, Pachuco was actually a good song for the car chase scene. The music? BOI. I loved it. For some reason they have this whimsical and epic music and I have no idea where they got it. Even in La Leyenda de la Nahuala they always had this type of music: really well made, fitting to the scene, perfect between events and its not over used, letting the silence spaces to be silent and/or letting the background sounds do the job.

The editing had a really fast pace. I´ve notice lately that a lot of animated movies are really fast now or feel really fast, this was way too fast. There´s not exactly enough time to breath, the events pass so quickly you have to pay attention to what´s going on. Even at moments where there has an emotional moment it passes so fast because of a next action. At some point they slow it down but then it makes it fast again. I think the main problem is the time, it is a 1:30 movie like many others but I feel this movie was longer than that so they had to reedit it to make it go faster. Plot is understandable, just fast.

Writing and Characters:

Ah, shit! Here we go again. I like this studio, I like the movies they´ve made (not all of them. Agente -P2? seriously, guys? That was a dark time...), but the writing has always been slightly awkward for me. Sometimes they have too many pauses or what they say doesn´t land correctly. I thought it was the voice actors but no, guys. The voice actors are really good, we have a lot of talent. In general is the writing. They did improve a lot, the pacing and the dialogues were cleaner and sounded natural but for some reason this one has the same problem in certain parts. It´s not like people dont talk like this I think its the pauses that make it weirder. Other than that, the story of the origins of the main 2 is not really original. Then again, as I said before, Originality is a lie. The characters and their powers are the original part. The tale of two siblings that become orphans and have to hide because the main villain is looking for them is old, its what happens around and how the characters act that matters.

It could have used a bit more of a build up, maybe more interactions between the siblings to know them better. The opening scene and introduction was great, it shows you the characters, what happened to the parents and then you flashforward to the main two in their... teenage years? I think they are teens. It´s perfect, but other than that we don´t know Chema or Dolores that well, we know Chema is careful and gets worried a lot while Dolores is a bit more carefree and cheerful, and they interact and you can tell their personalities. i just think it could have used a bit more of their relationship. Dolores powers involve turning into a ghost, flying, going through walls and apparently, being a vessel to bring the evil Dr. Vampire.

The other 4 characters are La Tuna, Catrina, Tetlepanquetzal and Tin Martin.

Tin Martin is kind of annoying to me. He is smart and builds the different gadgets the heroes use, he is really useful and also the comic relief though he actually shows he cares about what I presume are his nephews. Its really competent in his area, all the gadgets he provides work perfectly which is odd to me, its usual for this type of guys to have something that doesnt work. It´s a nice change.

La Tuna is a wrestler and has a goofy look, but this guy knows how to fight and really well. He is extremely strong, as strong or more than Tetlepanquetzal, and he actually has a soft side that isn´t shown as a weakness. He gives advice to Chema when he is down and encourages him to be brave and to believe in himself. Chema is really insecure because of his powers that are to make everyone get spiced. I´m not kidding, his power is to make the air spiced, like if you take chilli peppers and throw them in peoples faces, he does that without having any peppers around. Tuna tells him to believe in himself because his powers dont define him, Tuna had issues too because of his short stature and his powers are becoming prickly and secreting slimy substance (you know, like a nopal. Tuna is a prickly pear) but tells him his father told him that non of that matter, what really matter was who they were inside. Its a really nice and touching scene, Chema is a kid who had to grow fast and misses his parents and now he has a couple parental figures to help him with whats troubling him.

Catrina is kind of a fresa? Like a rich queen or something, or its portrayed like that. Stylish and such, but she is loyal and does care about his friends and dont diminish them, she only teases them because they´ve known each other for a while. She is powerful, summoning bones to be use as armor and to kick the bad guys butts. Catrina has a strong personality, not taking shit and trying to focus on every situation, she is practically the glue that keeps the team on track.

Tetlepanquetzal is the most left out character there is. He is silent, his expressions are ok but he doesn´t provide with any remarks. He does his job, his power is really cool too. He transforms into any animal he touches for a certain amount of time. He is the extra muscle, Tetlepanquetzal is smart but really goofy, due to having animals characteristics from the transformations he does lot of goofy stuff but other than that its just like a silent wall. Strong wall that is.

The villains... We have 2 which one of them I have no idea how it´s called. They never called him by his name in the whole movie. One of the henchman calls him boss so I will call him by that. Boss is a pyrotechnic mastermind, he controls the fireworks and uses that to destroy everything. He is the one that wants to use Dolores and open a portal to bring Dr. Vampire (which is the second villain). The reason? He used to have a daughter, and her daughter died in his house because of fireworks going off, she was burned or suffocated. The Dr. Vampire promised him he would bring her back if Boss brought him back.

Turns out the vampire lied and kind of turn his back on Boss, who now felt like an idiot and wanted to save Dolores. (There´s a point where Dolores enters Boss´ mind with the help of an obsidian mirror and sees the flashback of the daughter dying, so both characters do kind of have a mild bond)

Dr. Vampire is the weirdest, dumbest looking villain I have ever seen. He looks like a edgy teenager but looks old as fuck. It´s super weird and is completely evil, bringing certain Mexican monuments to live and bring havoc to Mexico City. like... Holy shit, he has red messy hair, long face, nose and teeth, wears A FREAKING GOTH CLOAK AND BOOTS and has a trident. It´s a weird design for a vampire. We don´t know shit about this character, only that he was supposed to be brought back by Boss and that´s all. BUT HE IS PURE EVIL!

They manage to defeat the villain by fighting each of the monuments and then fighting against the vampire, Chema and Dolores have a special combination that not only provokes an explosion but also gives the other 3 characters a power boost. I dont know why that happens, there´s no explanation. If there´s more of it I WISH AND HOPE THERE´S A SERIES. THIS!!! THIS RIGHT HERE:

THIS CAN BE TURN INTO A SERIES. PLEASE, NETFLIX: YOU ALREADY TOOK LA LEYENDA DE LA NAHUALA, TAKE THIS ONE! PLEASE!!! PLEASE!!!

(If you take a closer look you can see the aura is in a pepper form, its so funny to me. The big pictures at the movie theater glow at a certain angle if they are stroke with a light)

There´s something I like a lot and that´s that there isn´t a separation moment, they never get separated because of ¨I have to prove myself¨ or ¨i need to do this alone¨. They get separated due to circumstances like following a truck while others take care of a fallen comrade, but Chema is never alone. He is with at least one of them, mostly La Tuna (that´s how we get their emotional talk) and IM SO GLAD THEY DIDNT DO THAT KIND OF CLICHE. Chema never fights with them for stupid things or misunderstandings, they all work whatever misunderstanding right then and there and always stick together because THEY KNOW HOW DANGEROUS IT CAN BE. AND THEY LISTEN TO EACH OTHER! ITS GREAT! THEY ARE GREAT!

Also the last scene, which parodies marvel movies:

Tin Martin: OH NO! A giant snake is eating Trompa´s wall

La Tuna: Let the snake eat it.

(People call Trump El Trompas, trompas has several meanings like trumpet but we use it to also refer to the duck face)

Conclusion:

Superheroes are really overdone. Marvel, you are ok I guess but please just let yourself die (At least after you give me Black Widow and the next Guardians of the Galaxy). In México the close to a superheroe we had was Santos and Blue Demon, being really popular wrestlers and movie stars and all in the silver era. Sure, we also have Villainous that explores villains and heroes that TO ME ARE ALL MEXICAN UNTIL PROVEN THE CONTRARY, but this is a movie not a web-series (that has probably being cancelled ´cause Ituriel doesn´t seem to know how to administrate his company and properly treat his workers).

Anima Studios took the chance with Maverick Núñez and they really made a good job. As an Opera Prima it looks and sounds awesomely, the writing could still use some work but other than that it is an entertaining movie. It has a nice message, the characters are really well made from design to voice acting and the story is interesting. From what I read it had a really good opening, but it didn´t quite made it in the box office. Still, I think you should give it a watch, not because it´s a Mexican movie, but because it´s a superhero movie that just takes place in Mexico. It´s different from Marcianos vs Mexicanos because that one was full on ridiculousness and comedy while this one is drama with comedy. If you followed Anima Studios, you will see how much they have improve and advance. This company was and is the start of animation in México and they are becoming better.

Now I´m waiting for their next movie: Las Leyendas: El origen. And you know why I am excited? Because it´s 2 movies from the same Studio in 1 year, they are really becoming bigger.

Animation has never been this amazing, and Mexican Animation is growing faster and better. Please, be objective but supportive. Don´t be destructive for the sake of being destructive. People are trying their best and it is paying off in my opinion.

Sincerely, a Mexican with hopes for more animations in her own country.

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in-tua-deep · 5 years

Note

Your TUA au with five and soft Luther are giving me life tbh. I honestly love it so so much. Would you think of doing something with them all being there for vanya when her powers start coming out again (however that happens) but because they’re all together as a family the apocalypse never happens cause they’re there for her and help her and yeah. Idk I just feel like your au could have such a happy ending. With vanya and klaus able to grow their powers in safety and with love and support 💕💕

asdfsgdDFSGH thank u i didn’t realize the responsible luther au would be as popular as it got?? sometimes i make a post and am just surprised by how many people seem to like them lmao

(other responsible luther au things can be found here, here, and here)

not exactly a snippet like last time but here’s my stream of consciousness rambling style y’all should be used to at this point wheyy >;3c (except of course I end up doing a snippet in the middle of the stream of consciousness so BEST OF BOTH WORLDS I GUESS)

So you have Five, who has been doing a lot of research into psychology things since he’s, you know, seeing a psychologist. So he’s interested, and at a family dinner he asks Vanya what her medication is for. Of course, she responds that it’s for anxiety which is usually where the conversation ends.

Except Five wants to know what it is and what dosage she’s taking, and she tells him. And he’s either “That’s not an anxiety medication” or “That’s a dose large enough to take down an elephant I’m pretty sure” or hey maybe Vanya even frowns and is like “Actually you know what? I don’t know.”

and Vanya in the show says she used to see a therapist, so maybe she’s still seeing them? Except Five insists that clearly something is wrong, and demands she switch to the place where Five goes. Vanya is starting to get an inkling that something is wrong, so she decides to go off her meds.

Not cold turkey - but she goes off them regardless. And she feels… better. She feels more happy, like she’s more connected with life. Maybe she decides, with her new therapist, to switch to a different medication that’s actually for anxiety after her therapist looks at her current prescription with such absolute bewilderment because what the fuck and immediately is like “Yeah okay something is super weird here’s a new prescription and we’ll see if you feel less of the emotional numbness that you’ve been describing to be.”

So Vanya goes off them, and odd things start happening. But it’s not until she’s in Luther’s apartment and they’re eating dinner and Diego just made a stupid comment and the TV is going in the background and suddenly everything just starts shaking and Vanya is so surprised she snaps out of her anger and everything goes still and they’re all just like ????????

Meanwhile Luther is running on like, two hours of sleep because he has an early shift at the garage today and Five got tangled in the blankets again and woke up screaming and generally inconsolable so he’s just like. Done. He picks up the cutlery that fell on the ground when the table shook and is like “I don’t care who was responsible for that, please don’t do it again or at least not during dinner. Also Diego I saw you draw that knife you know my rules about weapons at the table. And in my home.”

and Vanya is just looking at her hands all wide-eyed like, “Was that me?? What the FUCK guys.”

“No swearing at the table.” Luther automatically corrects her.

“Well I guess we figured out what the fuck was up with your meds.” Five comments, reaching over to steal some potatoes off of Luther’s plate.

“Language, Five.” Luther doesn’t comment on the theft of his food, instead just scooting his plate closer to Five’s because hey at least it’s getting the kid to eat something.

“Why am I the only one freaking out about this?” Vanya sounds very stressed out right now, and the knives and forks rattle ominously.

“Actually I’m pretty freaked out?” Diego interjects, raising a hand. “Like, what? You had powers this whole time? When the fuck did you start taking those meds then?”

Klaus shrugs. “Honestly at this point do you really think our lives could get any fucking weirder? Shouldn’t we have been more surprised that Vanya didn’t have powers?”

Luther sighs deeply. “I’m going to actually buy a swear jar.” He tells the ceiling very seriously, “Because clearly this family cannot go one minute without swearing in front of a child.”

“I’m not a baby.” Five scowls, punching Luther in the arm which does exactly nothing except make Five feel a little better.

“Yeah Luther, he’s not a baby.” Klaus sticks his tongue out at Luther and reaches out to ruffle Five’s hair. Five only allows it because Klaus just took his side.

“I don’t really remember a time when I wasn’t taking them.” Vanya attempts to get the conversation back on track.

“I feel like giving toddlers anxiety medication isn’t something that’s generally done.” Five point out mildly, mercifully actually addressing the issue which would be good except he sounds very unconcerned and is still stealing the rest of Luther’s potatoes. Luther, for his part, just gets up and goes into the kitchen to get himself more because this is one dinner battle he’s not picking.

“So what? Dad just suppressed my powers?” Vanya asks.

“Why not?” Five shrugs, “He’s done some other seriously fucked up shit I don’t see why he’d draw the lines at drugging one of us.”

“I mean he for sure didn’t really care that I was drugging myself.” Klaus points out, “He definitely knew about it, right? Like I was seriously fucked up for the majority of our formative years or whatever.”

There’s some rattling from the kitchen.

“So you’re saying that if Vanya has powers, Dad knows about them?” Diego asks, waving a knife in the air that Luther definitely expressly forbid from appearing at his table.

“But why would he mess with my powers?” Vanya asks, very confused. “Maybe they’re dangerous?”

Diego snorts, “More dangerous than Ben’s?”

“Ben takes issue with that!” Klaus protests.

“No he doesn’t.” Five rolls his eyes, because Five has gotten alarmingly good at figuring out when Klaus was accurately reporting their deceased sibling’s comments.

“Maybe it was for my own safety.” Vanya says, looking doubtful but willing to play devil’s advocate.

“When the fuck did Dad care about our personal safety?” Klaus asks incredulously, and Vanya nods to concede the point easily enough.

“Shout out to when Dad threw me off the roof.” Five mutters before shoveling more potatoes in his mouth.

“OKAY.” Luther says, walking back from the kitchen. “We are going to address that very concerning comment later Five, don’t think we won’t. And also - ” He takes the opportunity to slam a jar on the table which has a piece of paper with ‘swear jar’ hastily taped to it. “ - I am 100% serious about no swearing at least at mealtimes if nothing else.”

“God Luther, you’re such a stick in the mud.” Klaus whines loudly and Diego is pulling such an offended face at the sight of the swear jar that Luther is tempted to tell him his face is going to stick like that if he isn’t careful.

“Guys!” Vanya exclaims, actually looking a little frustrated. “Can we get back to the subject of my mystery powers, please? This is seriously stressing me out.”

“You know,” Five says thoughtfully, “I bet Dad has some journals or something - ”

“No.” Luther vetoes immediately. “Absolutely not.”

“You didn’t even let me finish my thought!” Five protests.

“Dad has genuinely sent armed gunmen to kidnap you.” Luther points out, putting his foot down on the issue. “I just got our door fixed from the last time he decided you were the antichrist or whatever. You are not getting within a mile of him if I can help it.”

“But he is the antichrist.” Klaus grins widely, wiggling his fingers at Five and making the kid roll his eyes.

“Only on alternating Tuesdays.” Luther says gravely, sparking a laugh out of Klaus.

“It’s still kind of weird that Luther has a sense of humor now.” Diego says, looking at Vanya who just has her face in her hands. She has given up on getting this family to actually stay on topic. It’s like herding cats.

“Aww Vanya,” Klaus coos, “It’s okay. I know figuring out you have a new power is pretty freaky - ” And Klaus would know, since getting sober his powers have been somewhat alarming in their progression. But at least sometimes they can talk to Ben, now? “ - and you can always train with me and Benny boy!”

“Really?” Vanya sniffles.

“No one is practicing anything in my apartment.” Luther says, aggrieved. “There is a bowling ball shaped dent in my wall from the last time Klaus practiced. I still don’t know where he got a bowling ball. And Diego I swear to god if I find any more knife marks in my walls - ”

“Some of those are Five’s!” Diego protests, pointing an accusing finger across the table.

“And where is Five getting throwing knives, Diego?” Luther scowls.

“Five can speak for himself.” Five interjects absently, gesturing with a knife that looks awfully familiar. Diego pauses to check his knife holster before standing up.

“You little shit - ”

“Swear jar, Diego!” Klaus crows triumphantly. For his part, Diego grudgingly snags a dollar bill from his pocket and dumps it into the jar without any real protest, still glaring at Five who is only offering a shit eating grin.

Luther plucks the knife out of Five’s hand while the smallest sibling’s attention is focused on Diego. “I’m keeping this. Diego, you can come and get it from me before you leave and not a moment before. And for the last time stop bringing your knives into my apartment.”

“You were just saying about Dad’s attempts to kidnap Five!” Diego crosses his arms across his chest. “I need my knives in case there’s another attempt.”

“You can have one, one knife on your person.” Luther concedes grudgingly.

“Two.” Diego bargains.

“Guys!” Vanya interrupts, the table rattling again as her hair lifts around her face.

Diego sighs as if put upon. “I know an abandoned warehouse downtown. You and Klaus can practice there, I guess.”

“You can stay here tonight, Vanya! And then go train in the morning!” Five pipes up enthusiastically.

“This is not turning into a sleepover.” Luther says, completely ignored by the rest of the siblings.

“Sleepover!” Klaus cheers loudly.

“I can sleep on the couch.” Diego offers, “Vanya can have the air mattress in Klaus’s room.”

“Or I can sleep on the couch.” Vanya bats her eyes innocently, “After all, wouldn’t want my powers to go off in the night and hurt someone.”

“That’s not fair.” Diego sounds awfully accusatory.

“You guys are so rude.” Klaus sniffs in mock offense, “Just because I rolled out of bed that one time - ”

“This isn’t turning into a sleepover.” Luther repeats himself, just a little louder. He is still ignored.

“We could all camp out in the main room.” Five bounces in his chair, “We could make a blanket fort!” Without another word Five vanishes in a flash of blue, probably to go and retrieve as many pillows and blankets as exist in Luther’s apartment.

“Five!” Luther raises his voice to be heard from the other room, “No jumping from the table!” He doesn’t get a response.

“I’m calling Allison in the morning.” Vanya states simply, because clearly her sister will be the most sensible one of them all and will actually have some decent suggestions. And also because Allison should probably know about the whole “Vanya has powers” thing going on

so YEAH that’s how it goes they figure out Vanya has powers and once they eventually get on topic enough to figure out what they want to do they agree that Vanya needs control and to figure out What the Fuck her powers are to begin with

that snippet got away from me mainly because the Hargreeves talking really is like herding cats and all of them at the same table minus Allison?? absolutely terrible

They skype Allison and Allison remembers the whole rumoring Vanya in the basement and everything rattles but Allison is miles and miles away and with the others there they can point out how absolutely fucked up it was for Reginald to demand that of both Allison AND Vanya because they were both what, four? They’re going to blame the man responsible (Reginald) and Vanya is going to have a very interesting next therapy session

so there you have it there is my opinion on Vanya’s powers in the responsible Luther au she finds out about them and decides to train them and she trains with Klaus and Ben and sometimes Diego to figure out that they’re linked to sound waves and all that and she doesn’t go straight up white violin because how are you supposed to be furious when your siblings keep going off topic about swear jars and table manners and kidnapping attempts??

so there you have it Vanya is fine because the power of the Hargreeves to derail any and all conversations they take part in is used for the greater good

honestly at this point after everything they’ve already dealt with (including said attempts by their dad at kidnapping Five because for some reason Reginald thinks Five is the cause of the apocalypse) they’re all just kind of like “this might as well happen, adult life is already so goddamn weird.”

on the bright side I’m having a lot more fun with dialogue scenes now than when i first started writing fanfics wheyyyy go me

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ventivante · 4 years

Text

Part One summary | can be found here! genre | jennifer’s body!au, college!au, horror, supernatural, humor, angst, demon!wooyoung; wooyoung x reader, mingi x reader warnings | language, discussions of death, some blatant blasphemy, and very bad/cliche humor word count | 2.1k

DISCLAIMER: this fic contains lots of dark subject matter and i will put any specific trigger warnings before each part. i do not condone the unhealthy relationships portrayed in this fic, nor do i believe the characters’ real life counterparts to display these behaviors.

happy halloween y’all!

“God, just shoot me in the face,” Wooyoung whined aloud, leaning his head back to emphasize just how unhappy he was with studying.

“Stop, you’re gonna get us kicked out again,” you whispered across the table at him.

“Good! I hate this place anyway, it reeks of decaying dreams and B.O.,” Wooyoung announced dramatically, his voice still at full volume.

Against your better judgement, you’d invited Wooyoung to study with you at the library. It was against your better judgement for two reasons: first, because Wooyoung didn’t function well in environments where you needed to be quiet and you were both already on the librarian’s shit list, and second, because you felt like you owed it to him after ignoring him all weekend.

Another unspoken reason you weren’t ready to admit was that Wooyoung had been acting . . . weird over the past few days. Even weirder than he normally was. For starters, he had dyed his hair—gone were the black locks you had grown up alongside, now replaced by sandy blond, perfectly gelled movie-star hair. His response to being asked why he’d changed it?

I got bored, he had told you, as if it were the simplest question in the world.

Of course, you knew that abrupt hairstyle changes usually took place in the midst of an emotional crisis, but you hadn’t pressed the issue further. If Wooyoung wanted to talk about things that were bothering him, he eventually would on his own terms—you had learned that the hard way.

Not only had he changed his hair, but he had started dressing really different as well. Normally Wooyoung opted for comfortable sweaters and hoodies, with some standard t-shirt-and-jeans ensembles thrown in the mix. Now he dressed as if his daily commute was on a Harley Davidson motorcycle. You didn’t know where his sudden sense of style had come from, but you guessed it may have had something to do with the aftermath of the party yet again.

Despite all of the red flags, you wanted to find out just what had caused the sudden changes, and you felt partially guilty that you had been the source of it. You figured if you spent more time with him, he would open up to you and finally forgive you.

“Come on, let’s get out of here and grab some sushi, I’m staaarved,” Wooyoung pouted as he rested his head on a propped fist, eyes wide and lower lip protruding in a wholly pathetic display.

Even though he had been acting strange, Wooyoung had been in very high spirits. He was constantly joking with you and laughing over the smallest things, not common indicators that Wooyoung was undergoing mental duress. His current behavior also wasn’t a surprise, as he’d always had a distaste for studying.

“Let me just finish these last couple sections,” you sighed as you flipped the page of your anatomy book.

“I can give you the short version: Adam shoves his dick into Eve’s vagina, boink boink boink, and that’s the miracle of life,” Wooyoung explained crudely, even throwing in a few vulgar gestures for added emphasis. “There, I even included curriculum for the Bible thumpers.”

You grimaced at his tactless anatomy lesson and shut your book without another word. “That’s gross and blasphemous.”

Wooyoung only shrugged before folding his hands on the table’s surface and fixing a now serious look on you. “Don’t tell me you’re still squeamish about sex, Y/N.”

“I’ve never been squeamish, I just don’t need to shout about it from the rooftops.” You hoped that the blush you were undoubtedly now sporting didn’t undermine your words.

“Oh, boo, so boring,” Wooyoung rolled his eyes and slumped back onto the table, his chin resting on his forearms.

“Hey guys.”

You jumped as someone slid into the seat next to you, scaring the daylights out of you. Your pen was raised, ready to attack your would-be assailant before you realized it was only Yunho—one of your and Wooyoung’s few mutual friends—who had made a sudden appearance.

“Can you not just drop in like that?” you asked, lowering the pen now that you were no longer in danger.

“I announced myself! Maybe you just need to have more awareness for your surroundings!” Yunho whispered shrilly.

“Shh!” A fourth person joined in, this time from the librarian desk, where the older woman was giving the three of you the evil eye as she let out a particularly firm shush. You ducked your head bashfully and gave her an apologetic wave, hoping to convey that you would keep your friends in check.

“Have you guys heard?” Yunho started again, now lowering his voice to a more library-friendly volume. “They found a dead kid in the woods out by Hongjoong’s frat house, where that huge party was this weekend.”

You straightened at the news, feeling your heart skip a beat. “What?”

“Well, not a kid kid, it was a student here,” Yunho continued. “But they found him just yesterday. They think it was some kind of animal attack—dude was ripped to shreds from what I heard.”

“Jesus,” you breathed, your stomach beginning to churn at the thought. “What kind of animal?”

“I dunno, a wolf or even a bear maybe?”

“Dumbass, there’s no bears around here,” Wooyoung chimed in, looking positively bored with the shift in conversation.

Yunho cast an offended glare on the newly-dyed blond. “Hey, it’s possible! Climate change, bitch! Animals can come crawling here from all over now, the polar bears are migrating.”

Wooyoung rolled his eyes. “So you think this kid got mauled by a polar bear?”

“I’m just saying it’s possible.”

“Shhhhh!”

This time a student at the next table over had expressed their own irritation at the rising volume yet again. You sent them an apologetic nod of the head before turning back to your friends and lowering your voice once more. “Do we know for sure it’s an animal? Is there going to be like, an investigation or something?”

The taller boy shrugged and leaned a little closer to you to match your tone. “Cops were all over the place earlier but it’s calmed down a bit now. I think it’s officially been listed as an animal. Or, what they think it is at least. But I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that it’s some psycho killer, stalking young, vulnerable co-eds.” He grinned widely at the end of his statement, waggling his eyebrows in an exaggerated motion before poking you in the side.

You swatted his hand away and released a noise of discontent. “Don’t scare me like that.”

“Yunho, why don’t you make like a tree and leave before I chop you down at the knees?” Wooyoung posed, leaning forward on the table with an acidic smile stretching over his features.

“Come on, I’m just kidding,” Yunho laughed. “I’m sure that they’ll find whatever animal it was and put it down.”

You wished you could be as lighthearted about the situation as the other two, but the news brought on a sense of dread that was seeping into your stomach like sour milk. Had it really been a random animal attack? And if so, what kind of animal could rip a person to shreds, as Yunho had not-so-delicately put it? Or worse, what if there was a murderer wandering around campus waiting for their next victim to come along? Were you actually safe?

“There’s probably nothing to worry about at this point,” Yunho added, as if he were reading your mind.

“Good to know. On that note, I think it’s time for us to leave.” Wooyoung rose from his seat and gave you a pointed look.

This time, you actually agreed with him and began to gather your things, shoving them haphazardly into your bag. Wooyoung was at your side in the next second helping you before focusing his attention back onto Yunho.

“Try not to get eaten by a polar bear on your way home, Yunho,” Wooyoung winked.

“Bite me,” the taller boy quipped, but you and Wooyoung were already on your way to the door.

Darkness was quickly approaching as you walked beside Wooyoung back to your apartment. It made you weary, especially after hearing Yunho’s news about the attack. Your best friend, however, seemed completely unfazed by the potential danger as he slung an arm over your shoulders and hummed quietly.

“You aren’t worried?” you asked him.

“Worried? About what Yunho said?” he scoffed then and only pulled you closer to him. “Definitely not. And you shouldn’t be either. You’ve got me to protect you!”

You let out an amused bark of laughter. “You? The same person who makes me kill the spiders in your room?”

“That was when we were ten!” Wooyoung whined, giving you yet another pout. “I’m a man now, in case you hadn’t noticed!”

“Please spare me the toxic masculinity spiel,” you retorted, albeit with another giggle.

A comfortable silence fell over the two of you as you continued down the sidewalk. You allowed yourself to enjoy the moment, because it felt like it had been years since you were both this close—not just physically, but also on an emotional level. You took a second to glance up at your longtime best friend and study him.

Wooyoung’s skin glowed in the waning rays of sunlight, blemish free and smooth as fine porcelain. His nose was a little large, something he had always been concerned with, but you saw absolutely nothing wrong with it. Even his dark eyes shone brightly as the day faded into dusk. And if you weren’t mistaken, you could have sworn he had been hitting the gym too—the arm wrapped around you was firm and not as wiry as you remembered it being during childhood.

You hadn’t admitted it to him, but he had grown up to be very handsome, and sometimes you found yourself wondering how things would be if the two of you had been more than just friends. It had always been a passing thought before, but now as he held you against his side and you looked up at him, the thought didn’t seem . . . particularly bad.

Just as you were rounding the last corner before your building came into view, you decided to ask Wooyoung what you had been meaning to for the past few days.

“Wooyoung, you’re not mad at me, are you? About the party, I mean.”

There was a short pause and you felt Wooyoung’s hand squeeze your arm gently, just as your phone chirped from your pocket. Automatically, you reached for it, digging it out and bringing the device up to check the notification.

It was a text message from an unfamiliar number, which made you squint in confusion. A split second later, realization dawned on you and you let out a small gasp.

It had to be Mingi, the boy you had met at the party.

You smiled at the thought then quickly remembered you had been waiting on Wooyoung to answer your question. You glanced back up at him and saw that he was eyeing your phone with a furrowed brow. His arm now felt tense and heavy around your shoulders but his voice was still light when he spoke again.

“Your friend from the party?”

“Oh, yeah, I think so. I’ll text him later—”

Wooyoung’s arm dropped from your shoulders and he took a step away from you, creating distance that might as well have been a brick wall between you two. He stared down at his feet for a few moments then lifted his head and smiled weakly. You noticed that the smile failed to reach his eyes.

“Listen, Y/N—forget about what happened at the party. I told you, it wasn’t a big deal and I’m over it. I’ll catch you later, okay?”

Wooyoung started to turn away, shoving his hands into his pockets as he went. You felt your small window of opportunity slipping away, so you reached out for him, latching onto his jacket.

“Wait! Don’t you wanna come up and watch a movie or something?” you asked, eyes wide with an unspoken plea.

Wooyoung peeked over his shoulder at you while his lips curled into a lopsided smirk. “Maybe some other time. I’ve got dinner plans.”

#wooyoung's body #ateez #wooyoung #jung wooyoung #wooyoung fic #jung wooyoung fic #mingi #song mingi #mingi fic #song mingi fic #wooyoung x reader #mingi x reader #ateez fic #mine #writings

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evakuality · 5 years

Photo

Episode seven of this ongoing series of mine: one in which I spend far too much time on one set of clips because the differences fascinated me too much. The earlier episodes can be found here:

Episode one Episode two Episode three

Episode four Episode five Episode six

The guru talks in these two episodes are so interesting because they are very different. First, the dynamic between each pair is quite distinct. Eskild reassures Isak immediately that he’s ‘sick’ of hearing him apologise for what he said about being ‘gay gay’ and it’s clear that Isak has been angsting over this since it happened and getting on Eskild’s nerves with the depth of his apologies. Then the teasing when Eskild works out that Isak wants some gay guruing is adorable, but Isak is unwilling to explicitly say ‘you’re my guru’ despite reluctantly agreeing to it in principle. He’s ready to walk away from the conversation before doing that and Eskild knows when he’s gone too far and lets Isak talk. Hans is a lot less welcoming when Matteo first shows up, though he does say he doesn’t need to apologise and Matteo says he wasn’t planning to. At this point, Hans has been absent for a while and so this is probably their first meeting post-disastrous ‘gay gay’ talk. That it’s so different to Isak’s shows just how different this dynamic is. Matteo doesn’t feel a need to apologise which tends to suggest he doesn’t feel like what he said was ‘wrong’ the way Isak does. And in fairness to him, Hans’s reaction was much less harsh than Eskild’s and there has been time to chill since they last saw each other. Still. It means the idea that Matteo is trying to figure stuff out rather than judging seems more likely. Matteo is, however, much happier to tell Hans he’s his guru ‘if it makes you happy’ so each in his own way lets his guru know what he means to him and how valued he finds him. It’s just that they have very different styles of doing that. Isak needs to let Eskild know how sorry he is, while Matteo needs to make Hans feel accepted and happy.

The talk itself between Isak and Eskild is very hesitant and I think Isak already knows what Eskild will say, he just wants to talk about it a bit. It is an awkward situation and Even is still very opaque at this point so trying to decipher meaning is hard for Isak who’s still navigating his first real experience with genuine emotions. Eskild tells Isak that guys don’t often break up with girls to be with other guys, and yet that’s exactly what Matteo has done. Isak’s been given a fairly explicit reminder that a long relationship isn’t easily ditched and is left just as unsatisfied as before. Matteo, on the other hand, is told that David is probably not ready to come out (which is true but not in the way Hans means, but I digress). And Matteo is given a course of action when he asks what he should do: wait for him to be ready to stand up for himself or give up on him. It’s very definitive, unlike Eskild’s wishy washy attempt to make things clear. Eskild is not very reassuring here and his guruing is hilariously awkward as he tries to say what he thinks but also tries not to upset Isak. Bonus: saying he’s not God and so he doesn’t really know everything while he tries to be not too harsh.

This segues nicely into Matteo’s version because his is entirely bound by church and religious activities. Hans, who is preparing an Easter meal for them all, takes Matteo away and literally into a church to have this discussion. He may not be God, but there’s a clear suggestion that God won’t judge harshly as they have this conversation literally under his roof. This has a lot of relevance both to each character’s relationship with his mother, and also to his relationship with religion. Isak has effectively rejected his mother’s religion and all the texts we see from her to this point are just religious. Matteo gets religious texts from his mother, but they are also peppered with other things like best wishes for his exams. Isak doesn’t see his mother anymore and is visibly irritated with her religion being foisted on him, whereas Matteo is much more sanguine and has a much closer relationship with his mother. In fact, she expects that she might see him at church this day and while he fobs her off because ‘I have to study’ it’s clear that they have some contact outside of text messages about bible verses. This means that for Matteo, having this chat here is comforting rather than scary as it might be for Isak, who is still unsure what his parents might think of him being gay and who isn’t really willing to use that descriptor for himself as yet. To Isak, church is something he builds up to doing, where for Matteo it’s a familiar thing, maybe not actively preset in his life but not something to be wary of. Matteo and Hans discuss something of the comfort you can get from religion and even indulge in some rituals before they leave. There’s hope here, for Matteo, as he’s reminded that his mother is on medication and is feeling better and he hears about the steps Hans’s has taken. It’s a strong suggestion that nothing is static and things may look bad, but they can improve. He’s left in a much better position than Isak at the end of this conversation.

Another difference is how defeated Matteo looks before he goes to talk to Hans (which also emphasises how much he gets out of the conversation they end up having; it’s a much lighter matteo we see at the end than at the start). He’s so sad, despite having had such a good talk with Jonas about all his stuff. It hasn’t been enough to make him feel completely at ease because for him it was never about ‘will people accept who I am’ and more about wanting to feel something. So his relief isn’t as immediate as Isak’s. Not to say Isak is truly happy here, he’s clearly very worried/concerned about what’s happening with Even, but a lot of his issues were what Jonas would think and that’s been settled and so he’s a lot less caught up in the whole sad mess. For this reason, we never see Isak destroy (or rather damage because it does come back later) any of the gifts/messages from Even the way Matteo does to David’s ‘it’s not you it’s me’ drawing. That’s partly because Matteo is a more impulsive and aggressive character but also partly because the issues are/were different for him and so he’s still a maelstrom of emotion. This only makes the end of this scene more poignant, of course, because for Matteo it’s the real start of healing. For Isak that process was well underway with the Jonas talk.

This difference in what they were feeling carries through into the scenes with Sana and Amira. Matteo’s in fact, combines two scenes between Isak and Sana and so hits with everything it has right in one go. But even if they were split as Isak’s are, the tone is different. Isak and Sana are in school and competing for who has the right answer. Isak is in his element and doesn’t feel a need to make amends with her (mostly because he didn’t drive Sana away the way Matteo did with Amira), and so it’s much more casual than matteo who has set up a study zone and made sure to be prepared and to prove to Amira that he really does value her. As Isak does with Sana but they show it in different ways. Isak has intellectual battles with Sana, bouncing ideas off her and sparring with her about their work, proving that he values her brain and her abilities and they both clearly enjoy the debate. Matteo shows with the way he carefully prepares everything that he’s taking Amira seriously and appreciates her help and effort. There’s a lot more weight given to Vilde and her ‘are you gay? Yay I love gays’ message to Isak than Kiki’s to Matteo, because for Isak this is his nightmare: everyone finding out and facing once again that possibility of rejection. The situation panics him a lot. It becomes obvious as Isak questions her, that Sonja and Emma between them have been telling people and Isak can’t hide from it now. He’s clearly stressed and anxious about it. Matteo really doesn’t care if he’s outed in many ways: he’s ready and willing to shower the object of his affection with love and attention as publicly as he’s allowed to. Having Kiki ‘support’ him this way is just irritating rather than anything that genuinely rattles him. Having said that, he’s genuinely happy that Amira apologises (in her own roundabout unique way) for what she said about ‘genetic dead ends’ and he thanks her for her support. Clearly, there are ways he welcomes support and there are ways he doesn’t (or maybe it’s just that he likes Amira and finds Kiki annoying at the best of times).

The way they come out to the boys is fascinating too. Isak is effectively forced into it because of the rumours at school which Magnus helpfully updates us and him on in the most oblivious sort of way and makes the whole thing that much harder for Isak, because now it’s ‘hilarious’ that he’s gay. Matteo is asked about it by Carlos who has heard it through the rumour mill. Its taken out of his hands a bit, but that doesn’t seem to worry him since he’s far more ready to be open about it already. For him, the big thing now is whether he can get David back because he still stubbornly ‘can’t believe’ that David means he doesn’t want him (with good reason; it’s obvious they had something good). We can hear Isak’s nerves in his voice and in the very long pause before he says ‘we had a thing’ whereas Matteo just seems to be stalling because he’s not sure how to say it, not because he’s scared to say it. Isak is clearly taken aback when the boys starts arguing about bisexuality vs pansexuality as if he’d expected a bigger, weirder reaction, and he’s quick to reiterate for these boys just like he did for Eskild that he’s not ‘gay’ just because he likes Even. Matteo shares an amused look with Jonas during this same conversation and in his case is very comfortable saying he ‘believes’ he’s gay. He doesn’t have the same hangups about that side of things, which is becoming more and more clear. He wants to be ‘normal’ (his word) and also ‘gay’ and wants to reconcile the two things, but he’s still willing to accept the label even with the perceptions that don’t seem to fit him. The ‘point’ of Matteo’s meetup with the boys is for him to apologise for his behaviour the other day and to make it up and spend time with them so for him the question comes out of nowhere, and yet it doesn’t phase him and he’s not worried about it in the same way Isak is.

One scene that differs for Matteo here is the one where he starts cleaning up his act, literally. It’s a lovely visual metaphor for his state of mind and how much better he’s feeling now, and it also reminds us of how he feels about David even now when he hasn’t seen him in so long and is basically clinging to hope rather than any real indication that he can salvage anything out of this relationship. Of course this leads to his conversation with Sara which mirrors Isak’s with Emma later but goes into more depth and in which he has more to apologise for. I think he makes the leap to Sara here because he knows he feels about David the way she potentially felt about him and so he knows he owes her something. We see more of how much she means to him compared to the relatively more superficial version Isak does with Emma. This is partly because Matteo was actually in a relationship with Sara vs Isak and his casual hookups with Emma which she read more into than he promised. But it’s also partly down to their difference in personality. Matteo’s caring side is much closer to the surface and he seems to want to shower those he loves with affection. The biggest example of this is of course David, but it’s also true of others including Sara. Isak’s caring is hidden behind his sarcasm and grumpy persona and I don’t think it’s a surprise that once he was feeling better with his boys his first reaction is to roast Magnus for having no game. This is what he’s like when he’s feeling good Matteo doesn’t do that sort of thing and never has. Instead we see his genuine concern that Sara has been bottling up her worries about her father and his job. Having learned for himself that it’s important to talk to people to keep yourself healthy and happy (ish), he offers her the same advice he got.

The drinking scenes with the boys where they coach Isak and Matteo through texting Even and David go mostly the same. Both boys experience the support and caring of their friends, both talk about irrelevant things with them while they do so and both are talked into basically sending an ultimatum. They’re both reconnected with these groups and feel welcomed and at ease with them. The one big difference is the way they greet Even vs David at the door. They’re both anxious and excited, which we can see in their body language, but Isak takes one look at Even and despite being told to be chill and distant and play hard to get he goes straight in for a kiss and then things progress very quickly from there. Matteo takes one look at David and has no idea how to react at all. They stare at each other awkwardly before falling into a hug it seems like they both need. I think Matteo is still a little more vulnerable and fragile about things, which makes sense because he got a much harsher rejection earlier. He’s not really in a spot where he’d be ready for sex, even if David was.

This was the last time the episodes really line up properly because the things that happen as we progress are so different and come from such different places that it’s going to be interesting to look at the ways the differences in the two of them affect how they react to what is coming. There are still similarities, of course, but starting with David’s confession the timing and purpose of events really diverge.

Episode eight can be found here

#druck #skam #my meta stuff #my isak and Matteo comparison stuff

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writetobuildtheworld · 5 years

Text

BLACK

Power, sophistication, formality, elegance, wealth, mystery, fear, evil, anonymity, unhappiness, depth, style, sadness, remorse, anger, underground, grief, and death.

"hello, for the prompt game, could you do Adrien from ml with the color black? i think it would be interesting to see our sunshine boy be angsty."

Hello friends, and welcome to pt.2 of my akumatized!Adrien fanfic. I hope you enjoy!

Read pt. 1 here. (Or don’t, but you might be kind of confused going into this.)

I apologize in advance if the line break doesn’t work. Tumblr is being shitty again, but what else is is new?

xXx

The end of pt.1:

Marinette awoke to a soft knock on the skylight in her bedroom. “What on Earth?” she muttered groggily. She pulled herself out of bed and opened the skylight, jumping as Chat Noir climbed down into her bedroom.

“Hi, Marinette,” he said, sitting cross-legged on her floor. “There’s something that you and I need to talk about.”

Marinette yawned, rubbing her eyes. “Couldn’t it have waited until morning?”

“No. It’s too important.”

Marinette stared at the superhero, and noticed an unfamiliar dark gleam in his eyes.

Chat Noir offered her a smile, but it wasn’t his usual goofy grin. It was cold, calculating.

This person... This was someone else entirely.

xXx

"Uh," Marinette stammered. "Sure. Okay." Internally, she was in complete panic mode. She didn't know why her partner was acting the way he was, and part of her was afraid to find out. She sat down on the edge of her bed, scooting towards the end away from Chat Noir. She doubted she was successfully hiding her discomfort. "So... What's going on?”

Chat Noir sighed, resting his chin on his hand and staring up at her from his seat on the floor. His eyes weren't their usual vibrant green - they seemed darker, somehow, yet also faded. Emptiness was not a look she liked on him. "Princess, has someone close to you ever kept a secret?"

Marinette wasn't sure whether it was worth lying to him. The knot of fear coiled in her stomach suggested it wasn't. "I mean. Probably. People keep secrets all the time."

"Not like that." He sat up straight, and Marinette noticed him clench his fists. "I mean a secret that never should have existed in the first place."

"I - No?" She laughed, and her voice jumped up an octave. Ugh. It couldn't have been more apparent she was freaking out, could it? "I don't think anyone has ever kept something like that from me. At least I hope they haven't."

"Huh. Well, you're lucky."

Marinette bit her lip, glancing sideways at Tikki, who was hiding in a crevice between a bookshelf and a portrait on the wall. "I guess so." She clapped her hands together, standing up. "If that's all you needed, you really should get going. I need to get back to sleep because my parents are expecting me to wake up early to help out in the bakery tomorrow - we've got these big orders from Mayor Bourgeois, you see - and I really think it'd be best if you -"

Before Marinette could blink, Chat Noir had jumped to his feet and grabbed her, pulling her close to him as he placed a finger on her lips. "Shh," he murmured. "You talk too much when you're nervous... M'lady."

Marinette's heart was racing, beating out of her chest. Her voice was caught on a dozen blades in her throat, ice seemed to flow through her veins instead of blood, her lungs were lead and she couldn't breathe -

He knew.

He knew she was Ladybug.

Marinette's legs became Jello and she would have collapsed if Chat Noir hadn't still been holding her close to him.

Shit. She was going to pass out.

"Marinette? Are you okay?"

She looked up at Chat Noir, and for a moment, her partner was back. The person she cared for to a fault and was incomplete without. Vibrant green eyes stared down at her with deep concern, and his grip loosened on her waist. Whoever had been there before, whoever it was that had climbed through the skylight into her room - he was gone.

Marinette reached up and gently cupped his cheek in her hand. He leaned into her embrace, closing his eyes. For a moment, he seemed to melt into her warmth.

But it couldn't last.

Her partner reopened his eyes, and the stranger was back.

Marinette shoved him away. "Sorry!" she managed to say. "I need to - uh, well, I gotta..." She trailed off. Of course her ability to generate excuses would fail her now, when she desperately needed time to recalibrate and think.

"Is something wrong?" Chat Noir asked, taking a step towards her. "You know you can trust me, Marinette."

"No, no, everything's fine! It's just, I need to - er, my period started!" she blurted out.

Chat Noir froze, and - oh my God. Was he blushing? That would have been hysterical if she wasn't so terrified. "Oh," he stammered. "Well, ah, you should probably go take care of that."

The period excuse. It never failed with men.

"Sorry," she apologized, already halfway down the ladder out of her room. "I'll be back in a hot second, I swear." She closed the trapdoor behind her, jumped the rest of the way to the floor, and practically flew down the hall to the bathroom. Tikki was waiting for her there.

"Not your classiest excuse, Marinette," Tikki teased.

Marinette rolled her eyes and locked the door behind her. "Desperate times call for desperate measures. Besides - it's a solid backup plan." She really didn't understand why men turned into a quivering mess around the word "period," but she certainly didn't mind using it to her advantage.

"Speaking of a backup plan... What are you going to do about Chat Noir?"

Marinette sighed, hugging herself tightly as she leaned against the door. She was still shaking. "I don't know, Tikki." She glanced at her kwami. "Do you have any idea what is going on with him?"

Tikki shrugged. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say he's been akumatized." She glanced at her chosen. "Do you think...?"

The question was left unspoken.

Marinette sighed. "Yeah. That's what I'm worried about." She ran her hands through hair. "Tikki, he knows I'm Ladybug! This is bad, this is so, so bad!"

Tikki flew over to her. "You don't know that for sure, Marinette. Let yourself breathe."

Marinette glared at the kwami, her fear turning into frustration. "He called me 'M'lady.' He only calls Ladybug that. I don't know how he figured it out, but he did. He knows."

Tikki sighed. "If you're right, if Chat Noir is akumatized and he does know you are Ladybug, then the odds that Hawk Moth knows your identity, too, are much higher."

Marinette groaned. "I would say this couldn't get any worse, but I'm sure it can, and I don’t want to jinx myself." She looked at her reflection in the mirror. A small, frightened girl was staring back at her. "Tikki... I don't know what to do."

The kwami flew next to her, landing on Marinette's shoulder. "And that's okay, Marinette."

Marinette almost laughed. "Aren't you supposed to tell me that I'll figure something out?"

Tikki shrugged. "Maybe. But I don't think that's what you need to hear right now." She flew up next to Marinette's face, nuzzling her cheek. "Do I believe you'll come up with a plan? Of course I do. You're my chosen, and therefore the most clever person in the world. But it's okay to not know what to do, Marinette. No one is perfect. We're in a sticky situation right now and I'd probably think you were crazy if you told me you already had a foolproof plan."

Marinette closed her eyes and allowed tears to fall down her cheeks. "It's the middle of the night. One of my best friends has probably been akumatized and also knows my secret identity as Ladybug, not to mention he basically broke into my house. I'm having an emotional breakdown, and I am currently being comforted by a small, magical creature who gives me magic powers when I say the right words." She started to laugh. Or maybe cry. She wasn't sure. "Can my life get any weirder than this?"

Tikki didn't answer. Marinette hadn't expected her to.

She let silence fall. For a few minutes, that was what she needed. Quiet.

But she knew she had to start brainstorming. It was time to switch into Ladybug mode - develop a plan and use what she had around her to get it done.

"Okay," Marinette began. "Chat Noir is akumatized. We need to get ahold of the akumatized object, only we don't know what that is."

"It's probably his ring," Tikki pointed out. "If I were Hawk Moth, that's what I would target."

"That makes sense. Unfortunately, if it his ring, that means I can't destroy it to get the akuma, since only a Cataclysm can destroy a miraculous. Which means we need to get the ring off of him and take it to Master Fu."

"Taking the ring off will cause him to detransform, you know. Then you'll learn his identity, too."

Marinette sighed. She'd realized that. "Yeah. But there's not really any other option, is there?"

Tikki nodded. "I understand. Assuming the ring is the akumatized object, then at least he'll also de-akumatize. But until you can get the akuma out, we can't let him put it back on."

Marinette cracked her neck. "Alright. I think I've got a plan. It's pretty simple, but I'm going to need your help to make it work."

Tikki beamed at her. "Anything for you, Marinette!"

xXx

Marinette returned to her room, hitting her head on the trapdoor as she opened it in a way only she could. "Sorry about that," she apologized. "I was starting to have bad cramps, so I took some medicine."

If it weren't for the anxiety gnawing at her stomach, Marinette would have laughed at Chat Noir's expression of discomfort. God, she hoped her plan would work.

"It's fine," he muttered. "I, uh, hope you feel better soon."

Marinette laughed and sat on her bed, pretending she wasn't trying to guess his every move. "The midol should kick in after a while. But I appreciate your concern." She crossed her legs. "So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about? You mentioned something about a secret."

Chat Noir shrugged. "Yeah. I recently learned a few people I know were keeping some things from me. And these were people I really thought I could trust." He shifted away from the bookshelf he'd been leaning against and moved next to her on the bed.

Marinette had to resist every instinct in her body telling her to move away. She needed his full attention to be on her in order for her plan to work. "That sucks," she said gently, trying to sound comforting. "Is that what you wanted to talk about, then?"

Chat Noir stared at her, and Marinette had never felt more vulnerable. His gaze seemed to pierce her body and see straight into her heart. "No," he finally said. His eyes shifted up to her ears. "Cute earrings."

Marinette touched her ear out of reflex. "Thank you. They were a gift. From a good friend of mine."

Chat Noir nodded. "Do you mind if I get a closer look?"

Marinette shrugged, chuckling. She had to keep him distracted for a few minutes longer. "That's kind of a weird request, you know."

He smirked. "Well, I guess I've never been close enough to you to notice them before."

Marinette turned bright red at that comment. "Oh. Well."

He reached to touch them, but Marinette pulled away, scrambling off her bed and moving to the other side of her room. All she had to do was keep his eyes on her - and away from the bookshelf.

"Sorry," she said. "I just... Like my personal space, you know?" Tikki needed to hurry. Marinette didn't know how much longer she could keep him preoccupied.

Chat Noir stared at her. Finally, he stood up. Marinette became very aware of just how much taller he was than her. "Let me see your earrings."

Marinette managed to hold her ground. "No."

"Marinette."

"No!" She rolled her eyes, trying to play it cool. "C'mon, kitty. You're normally pretty good about knowing when a girl needs her space."

Chat Noir smiled at her, but it didn't reach his eyes. There was only icy malice behind it. "I need your earrings.” He took a step towards her. “Ladybug."

"Ladybug?" Marinette sputtered, doing her best to act shocked. "I really don't know why you’re acting so weird tonight, but -"

"Don't bullshit me, Marinette!" he growled, his hands curling into fists.

"Any minute now, Tikki," Marinette muttered under her breath.

"It's the only way, M'lady," Chat Noir insisted, slowly moving towards her. "The ladybug and cat miraculouses, when combined, can grant any wish the user desires."

"Except it's not that simple!" Marinette protested. "You should know that! Every wish comes with a price. It's - It's equivalent exchange."

"I should have known you wouldn't understand," he sneered. "You have everything."

Before Marinette could process what he said, Chat Noir moved directly in front of her. He placed two fingers on her forehead, and energy suddenly began to seep from her body. Marinette glanced down at her arms, biting back a scream as she watched the color slowly fade from her body. Her knees buckled, and she would have collapsed had Chat Noir not caught her and helped her to her bed.

"I don't want to hurt you," he insisted. "I really don't. Not you." He sighed, muttering a curse under his breath. "I just need your earrings!" He reached for her ears.

"No," Marinette gasped. Her body was stiff, but she managed to push him away. "I won't... I won't let you do this."

A familiar purple outline of a butterfly formed around Chat Noir's face, and Marinette bit back a swear. She'd been right - he was akumatized. Sure, she'd expected that from the moment he'd entered her room, but never before had she wished so much to be wrong.

It was too late, now.

"What do you mean that should have incapacitated her?" Chat Noir demanded. Marinette knew he wasn't speaking to her. Her partner paused. "Detransform?" He sighed. "Fine." He glanced at Marinette. "Whatever it takes to bring my mother back." He held his hand up. "Plagg, claws out!"

If Marinette's body hadn't felt like it had been drained of all life, she might have gasped upon realizing who her partner was. Instead, all she managed was a weak, "A-Adrien?"

Her... friend gave her an eerie smile. His eyes were covered by a blood red ribbon and his skin was nothing short of a deathlike gray, but she could tell who he was. His arms were bare, but his veins glowed a deep red, twisting and turning up his body. On his chest, around where his heart should have been, was a red, felt, stitch-on heart, halfway peeled off. The quaintness of that didn't match the deadly black smoke curling around his fingers.

"My name is Cœur Noir," he began. "Not Adrien." He clenched his fist. "Adrien has been locked away, and he can't - he won't return until his mother returns with him."

Marinette didn't know what he was talking about, but even if she'd wanted to ask her lips refused to move.

"Sorry about this, Marinette," Adrien said as he stood over her. "I really do like you, you know. As Ladybug and as yourself. You stole my heart from day one." He shook his head. "I don't think you know how much I wish there was some other way I could do this." He stared down at her, and though Marinette couldn't see his eyes through the ribbon, she could feel an intense sadness permeating her room. "But I can't afford that anyone gets in my way." He reached towards her, the black smoke dancing around his fingers as tantalizing as it was repulsing.

Why did guys always confess to her when they were akumatized?! It really wasn't fair. "I appreciate the sentiment," Marinette mumbled. "But I'm the one who needs to apologize to you."

Adrien frowned, pausing with his fingers an inch away from her forehead. "What are you -"

"Tikki, now!"

A textbook was shoved off the bookshelf and crashed onto Adrien's head with a loud thunk, knocking him out cold. He crumpled to the floor like a rag doll.

"Don't mess with my chosen!" Tikki said triumphantly before flying over to Marinette. "I already know what you're thinking - 'is he dead'?"

Her kwami wasn't wrong.

"He's not. He’ll be fine. I think that will keep him knocked out for maybe an hour. But he probably has a mild concussion."

Marinette winced. She did feel bad about that.

Tikki's eyes narrowed, then widened as she took in Marinette's full appearance. "Marinette... Did he touch you?"

Marinette managed a shrug, even though it felt like there was a one hundred pound weight on her shoulders. "Kind of. But I got the impression the effect of the akuma was muted because he was transformed into Chat Noir at the time." She glanced down at Adrien. There was a small cut on the back of his head.

She pulled herself off the bed, allowing herself to fall to her knees next to her friend's limp body. Carefully, she reached out and removed the silver ring from his finger. She shoved it into her pocket and then watched as the effects of the akuma disappeared from his body.

God, it really was Adrien.

Marinette wiped stubborn tears from her eyes. This was no time to cry.

Part of her had been praying that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't Adrien. That maybe she'd been mistaken. But she'd recognize him anywhere.

Almost anywhere.

"I can't believe Adrien was Chat Noir the entire time," Marinette murmured. "How did I never see it before?"

"I know this is a lot for you to take in right now," Tikki said gently, flying down next to her, "but we need to get to Master Fu."

"Oh, thank God."

Marinette turned to see a small black cat floating behind her.

"Plagg, you're going to need to fill us in on everything the moment we get to Master Fu's," Tikki instructed. "Okay?"

Plagg winked at her. "Got it, sugarcube."

Tikki rolled her eyes. "Ignore him, Marinette."

Marinette hardly registered her kwami's remark. She stretched out and grabbed a small mirror off her dresser, then nearly dropped it when she saw her reflection.

No longer was a small, frightened girl staring back at her.

This girl... This girl was a hollow shell of a person.

Her eyes were no longer blue but instead gray and void of all life, and they were accentuated by bags so dark they were nearly purple. Her hair was duller than it had ever been. The pallor of her skin was ghastly in more ways than one. "I look..."

"Dead?" Plagg finished. "Yeah. That's essentially what Cœur Noir's power is. You're lucky you weren't touched for more then a few seconds, or when he was at his full strength."

"We should get to Master Fu's," Tikki said. "He'll know what to do."

Marinette nodded and placed the mirror back on the dresser, unable to stomach her appearance any longer. "Right." She forced herself to stand up, and fortunately the movement did restore some energy to her limbs. "I don't think Marinette is up for this journey. I just hope Ladybug is. Tikki, spots on!"

She could only pray they'd make it to Master Fu's before it was too late.

xXx

Chat Noir's ring was stored away in a sealed miraculous box before Plagg recounted his tale. Adrien was also tucked into a sleeping bag, with a bandage wrapped around his head where the textbook had left a cut.

"He's going to be fine," Fu had assured Marinette. "As long as he doesn't put that ring on, Adrien will remain himself, and Hawk Moth will not be able to communicate with or even locate him."

Marinette had offered Fu a sad smile. Sadness and hurt seemed to be the only emotions she was capable of feeling at the time. "That doesn't stop me from worrying."

Fu had chuckled. "Well, I would hope not."

Plagg then explained everything, from Adrien convincing him to spy on his father to the discovery of his mother's body underground.

"Oh my God," was all Marinette could say. "No wonder he got akumatized." She'd never wanted to hurt someone more in her life - Gabriel Agreste was a horrible person. Words couldn't possibly describe it. How had she ever worshipped him as a designer?!

Marinette couldn't imagine the sense of betrayal Adrien had to be going through. When he'd been ranting about secrets, she'd assumed he was referring to her keeping her identity as Ladybug to herself. In reality, he'd been talking about finding out his mother was alive after so long.

Not alive. But protected.

And worse, his father had been the one hiding it from him.

Marinette became nauseous trying to comprehend it all.

"Master Fu, is there any way we can fix this?" Tikki begged. "We don't know how to destroy the miraculous to force the akuma out without a Cataclysm."

Fu sighed. "There are only two feasible options, I'm afraid."

"That's better than no options," Marinette replied. "You know we're willing to try anything."

"The first is for Plagg to cataclysm the ring himself," Fu began. "That would effectively destroy the miraculous, but I fear the damage done to it would not be completely reversible by Ladybug's power."

Marinette exchanged a glance with Tikki. That option seemed fitting for a last resort. "What's the other way?"

"The other way is that we wait for Adrien to wake up, then have him put on the ring and force the akuma out."

Plagg winced. "Master, I don't know if that's possible, even for my chosen. Hawk Moth's will is crazy hard to break once someone is hooked. Not to mention that in this stage of grief, Adrien really will do anything in his power to bring his mother back."

"Well, he won't be alone." Fu turned to Marinette. "You will be with him."

Marinette blinked. "Me?"

He nodded. "Yes. You, Marinette, are the only one who can help Adrien fight off Hawk Moth. Ladybug and Chat Noir complete each other. He needs you."

Marinette looked down at her friend, who appeared so peaceful she could almost pretend he was sleeping instead of being unconscious.

Her friend. Her partner.

Maybe something more, like she'd always dreamed.

But that was only possible if he was deakumatized.

"Okay." She turned back to Fu, determination glimmering in her still-gray eyes. "I'll do it. I'll convince him."

"Are you certain, Marinette? While I have full confidence in you, you also must trust yourself. And I have to warn you that the effects of the akuma also will not disappear from your body until you cast your Miraculous Ladybug."

Marinette laughed, though there was no humor in it. "It's the only way. Besides." She glanced back at Adrien. "I have to help him. Whatever it takes."

Tikki smiled. "And that is why you, Marinette, are the perfect Ladybug."

Not perfect enough to stop her best friend and loyal partner from getting akumatized, she wanted to say. But she didn't. "Thank you, Tikki. That means a lot coming from you."

Fu sighed, adjusting the turtle miraculous on his wrist. "Now we must wait."

Waiting.

Sometimes, Marinette felt like that was all she could do.

Wait. Completely helpless against the flow of time.

But if it meant pulling Adrien out of the hell he'd been trapped in... Well, she'd wait as long as needed.

She'd do anything to save him.

xXx

people who were interested in a pt.2: @shayshaysspace, @sassy-bagel-to-go, @a-mahou-shoujo, @rena-rain, @ouatpancakes

(I apologize if you didn’t want to be tagged!)

I hope you all enjoyed pt.2! I plan to start writing a pt.3 soon if anyone is interested; that will probably be the final part. I’m curious as to how you guys think all of this will be resolved. ;) Thank you so much for reading!

For more ml content by yours truly check out @yespleasefandomtrash.

(if someone drew akumatized!Adrien I would love you forever okaybyenow)

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dearatz-archive · 5 years

Text

implications → with yunho

ok so this is very loosely based off the dream i mentioned a few days ago. i say loosely because was originally supposed to be angst (the reader and yunho were meant to genuinely dislike each other) but like...the more the idea sat in my head the weirder i felt about writing it because it just...didn’t fit him. so i tweaked it a bit with something that’s a bit more fitting of his personality.

also, this is long. it’s the longest thing i’ve ever written on this blog so buckle up for the ride, i guess.

[6:24pm]

around you, the room bustles with life, a rush of wheels and feet on floors, the indistinct fuzz of voices, and you watch the organized chaos from where you sit curled up on one of the couches, phone in hand though you’re unsure of what is on the screen; you just know it’s lit. your eyes are alight with quiet awe as you watch the eight boys you’re most fond of transform into ateez right before your very eyes.

san catches your eye in the mirror from across the room and sticks out his tongue before he’s scolded by the stylist to close his eyes so she can finish his makeup. endeared, you giggle and stand, stretching out your stiff limbs; you’ve got no idea how long you’ve sat there like that, trying to make yourself as small as possible and keep out of everyone’s way. you aren’t sure what you’d expected when you’d taken san and wooyoung up on their invitation to hang out with them backstage before their show, but you hadn’t expected to feel so...in the way. no one’s said anything about it, but you’d caught a couple of annoyed glances from stylist when you’d initially wandered the room.

careful not to disturb anyone at work, you edge your way around the room, settling for standing near yunho where he sat, talking to yeosang as he filmed him. they’ve both already completed their stage transformations, lips and eyelids subtly shimmering in the light adorning vanity mirrors. they both pause to glance your way, and you stop just outside of sight of the camera lens, your expression sheepish. yeosang’s gaze is warm and amused as he adjusts his angle, allowing you to inch closer without being seen.

as yunho continues, his less than modest pile of snacks catches your attention, and your eyes flicker to yunho’s face, making sure he’s still fairly occupied before swiping one. but yunho is nothing if not acutely aware of his surroundings, and he stops short again to fix you with a brief warning stare, his bright smile faltering just a bit.

irritation is an emotion yunho rarely, if ever, shows their fans; he’s the group’s perpetual ray of sunshine. oh but you’ve seen a darker side of yunho, the side that comes out when the cameras are off and fans are nowhere in sight━and you see it often and purposely, strangely drawn to seeing the side of him that he usually keeps such a firm handle of.

and for this reason, you and yunho bicker and bother each other almost constantly. it’s the odd, precariously implied foundation on which your friendship stands.

smirking around your mouthful of pastry, you snatch another, and this time, yunho turns his entire head to look at you, expression mildly annoyed. you simply swallow and continue to eat, pretending not to notice through the pleasant twinge of satisfaction, though you know he’s certain you did. when you reach for a third time, he catches your wrist, making a displeased noise in his throat.

“go get your own; they’re on the table over there.”

you purse your lips into the least convincing pout manageable, not even bothering to look in the direction he pointed. “that’s too far.”

as you watch, a spark of understanding lights his eyes, and you know he now knows you’re pushing his buttons on purpose. he flexes his jaw briefly and then he’s releasing you, turning back to the camera as if he’s finally remembered it’s there. “take what you want, then; i’ll get more.”

“cool. i’ll just take them all then.”

he doesn’t even look your way again. “that’s fine.”

to anyone else, this might seem like a victory, but it’s not the victory you wanted. you don’t really want the snacks, and yunho knows you don’t want them; he knows exactly what you’re after, and he’s not letting you have it so easily.

challenge accepted.

[10:05pm]

the van is alive with eight very distinct voices, all focused on choosing dinner from the limited options the late hour offered. you sit quietly, listening to it unfold in favor of offering input; making a decision would already be hard enough without adding a ninth person to the mix. or at least you’d thought until wooyoung explicitly asks for your input.

“uh. there’s plenty of pizza places open━“

“no.”

though you can’t quite see him in the darkness, your gaze flickers in yunho’s direction, but he’s not looking at you; instead he’s turned in his seat, discussing different options with mingi. you shift in your seat bristling at his dismissive tone. “excuse me?”

he only turns his head slightly, and you assume he’s watching you from the corner of his eye. “i don’t want pizza.”

your brows furrow, but you know this harsh manner of shutting you down isn’t yunho’s usual style, and it both surprises and annoys you. “okay fine, but that tone wasn’t ne━”

at that moment, the car passes under a streetlight, illuminating his face for a split second and in that second, you see it reflect in his eyes, see the unveiled mischief shining in their dark depths, the taunting smirk on his lips. you’d given him exactly what he wanted: a reaction.

jaw clenched, you turn to face the window and turn your music back up, trying to ignore the fact that he’d won again, and the way his smirk made your stomach flutter.

[12:03am]

san is warm against your side as he curls against you, cheek resting against your shoulder as he plays some game you’ve long since lost track of with wooyoung. on your other side, mingi watches with rapt attention, his laughter so bright its nearly contagious. it’s mostly because of mingi that you know san is losing; he’s enjoying the healthy dose of karma, san finally having met his match.

on the other side of the room, the other members are having a discussion you aren’t paying enough attention to understand. the group had thought it best to finally separate you and yunho when your initially playful bickering had nearly reached boiling point almost an hour ago, ending with you and yunho practically at each other’s throats. but even so, you’d felt exhilarated, almost giddy, at the way you’d finally wormed your way under his skin. and you suspected that had annoyed him even more. so though you were a bit disappointed you couldn’t bask in your victory in plain sight, another, more rational part of you knows that it was probably the right course of action.

san whines, rubbing his face against your arm, pulling you free of your thoughts, and you can only conclude that he’s lost again. “my forehead hurts,” he grumbles to you. “don’t let him hit me again; he’s mean.”

wooyoung slaps at san’s thigh, a wicked grin on his lips. “you’re the one that picked the punishment, you know. you don’t get to chicken out just because you keep losing.”

“pick something else. please?”

“nope.”

“it hurts! i don’t like this anymore.”

you snicker, rubbing soothing circles into his knee. “wooyoung, he’s gonna have a bruise. maybe you should pick something else.” in his excitement, san throws his arms around you, beaming. “...like taking all of his underwear and making him go commando all day tomorrow.”

beside you, mingi cackles, nearly tipping himself over, and wooyoung’s squeaky laughter fills your other ear. san, however, looks far from pleased, and he drops his arms immediately, expression resembling a kicked puppy. “i’ll just take the finger flick.”

ever the gracious friend, you hold his hand as he bravely accepts his punishment, and for good measure, you press a soft kiss to the spot that is now a very angry red. “there━better?”

“no.”

and again, you all share a laugh at san’s expense.

[12:06am]

the conversation happening around him is little more than static, an indistinct buzz. yunho’s eyes are focused, trained on the spot where you and san’s bodies meet, finding it increasingly difficult to look away━infuriatingly so.

it shouldn’t bother him, shouldn’t make him bat a single eye; you and san are always like this when you’re around. san is always glued to your side, you on one arm, wooyoung on the other. like always. but tonight it makes his blood run hot beneath his skin, his jaw flex and clench, his lips purse. and when he watches you so tenderly kiss san’s forehead, he finally tears his gaze away━

and meets the knowing, watchful gaze of hongjoong, speaking every word he doesn’t want to hear.

[2:09am]

your skin is still slightly damp and smells very strongly of your body wash when you hear a soft, nearly inaudible knock on your door, so soft that had you had the television on, you might not have heard it. frowning, you glace at the generic clock on the nightstand and note the late hour, knowing that everyone should most certainly be asleep if not attempting to do so.

the confusion only deepens when you open the door to see yunho, his brows furrowed, a dark storm in his eyes, though he looks in every direction but yours. even as you dip and move to try and catch his eye, he avoids you, finally lifting his head and turning to look down the empty hall. you open your mouth to demand that he either tell you what he wants or go back to his room, but he cuts you off in a low, strained voice.

“are you gonna let me in?”

his voice sounds so unlike his usual self; his whole demeanor is unusual. perhaps is this that compels you to step aside without a word of teasing or protest. or perhaps it’s the way his hands clench and unclench at his sides, fiddling with his pants. he’s antsy, nervous.

the door clicks shut behind you as you watch him make his way to the center of the room, back to you, facing the twinkling skyline of the city below. your own voice is quiet and awkward when you finally speak: “are you gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

like earlier, he turns his head slightly, but doesn’t fully face you, once again watching you from the corner of his eye as you tentatively step closer. he doesn’t speak.

“yunho.”

silence.

“you can’t just come into my room like this and not say anything? hello? if it’s about earlier in san and mingi’s room, that just got really━“

finally he turns, the storm in his eyes brimming over. “god just━shut up.” and suddenly your face is gripped firmly in his soft, strong hands. and suddenly his lips are on yours.

[2:38am]

your skin stings from where it had been met roughly with lips and teeth, burning where it’s been gripped and squeezed by his hands. your lungs burn with the need for air, though common sense tells you to keep your face buried deep in the pillow, to keep your voice as quiet as possible. your thighs tremble with the force of yunho’s hips slamming into yours over and over in a lewd, wet rhythm that rings in your ears, accompanied by the heavy pants and choked groans puffing past yunho’s lips.

his hands slide under your chest as he leans into you, holding you close and tight to his body, pressing his lips to the pretty purple mark he’s left on your shoulder. he whispers a single word against your skin, nearly drowned by the sound of your muffled moans and the slick sounds of your bodies:

mine.

[3:04am]

hongjoong lifts his head at the sound of the door closing, squinting into the darkness as yunho shuffles in. “so? did you tell her?”

yunho sits at the foot of his own bed, slipping off his socks before flopping back on the mattress, staring at the dark ceiling above. “something like that.”

#for: yunho #b: yunho #ateez #ateez scenarios #ateez smut #ateez blurbs #hmmm not sure how i feel about this buT #its a week late bc i hated it halfway through and started over alskjdf #but i refused to start over again so here u guys go

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deehollowaywrites · 4 years

Photo

Title: Doomed to Fail: The Incredibly Loud History of Doom, Sludge, and Post-Metal

Author: J.J. Anselmi

Release: February 11, 2020

Genre: music, nonfiction, memoir

Order here!

When I first heard Metallica’s “Battery,” I knew I’d found the real shit, J.J. Anselmi’s newest states in an early chapter. The social alienation, the depression, the anger, and the preoccupation with death: it was the music I needed, right when I needed it. Similar stories abound in volumes like Jon Wiederhorn’s Raising Hell and a recent academic anthology of gender, sexuality, and heavy metal analyses; the typical pathway to extreme music, it seems, is youthful aggression, disaffection, or malaise. It’s not very cool to recall that your teen rage was tempered rather than catalyzed by religion. Even less cool to admit that if you are currently swimming in doom’s murk, you only took the chilly plunge because of boys and men.

A few antecedents, then: The Minutemen. Captain Beefheart. Def Leppard. The Mars Volta.

Edgy enough, weird enough, almost metallic enough, nearly harsh enough. It’s easy to see the slippery slope, to hear my mother’s voice in my head. If that’s what you want to spend your money on, she said of The Mars Volta’s full-length debut, I guess it’s your money. A year or so later, she would be interrogating me about certain media downloads to the family desktop--not because I was infringing copyright via poorly-labeled LimeWire files, but because the music was the sort that drove away the Holy Spirit (to be fair, Master of Puppets didn’t inspire any epiphanies). Mormons are very concerned with the Spirit’s presence. Movies and music are the fastest and most seductive shortcuts to becoming lost in a mire of worldliness, spiritual miasma, and sin. Interestingly, my mother was less perturbed by my weekly emails to a much-older dude I’d “met” on a geek forum, he of the curly beard and Captain Beefheart appreciation. For a suburban teenage girl reading SPIN in 2003, music in particular seemed a clear Point A to ineffable cool’s Point B, as evidenced by--although at the time I wouldn’t have phrased it thus--fuckability. Whiteboy music journalists, from Klosterman with his contrarian hair metal love to Azerrad deifying The Minutemen, had Ideas about what made rock music good. It was a trail of breadcrumbs that could be followed by anyone, so maybe I’d start off as me and end up as Brody Dalle. Of course, wanting to be punk is proof that you're destined to remain square, so the guy in the homemade Leftöver Crack t-shirt likewise stayed a mystery. Meanwhile, I made a fansite about The Mars Volta for my web design class, wrote an AP essay about why filesharing is good, actually, and counted the days ‘til graduation.

Euro-style power metal is romantic. Good make-out tunes. The fine art of getting into something that someone you fancy is into, well, that’s bog-standard for a huge swath of humanity and I’ve never been above it because I do like exploring new things. However, there’s a certain flavor of man who encourages women to listen to music he likes not out of genuine enthusiasm and desire to share, but because filling up a vessel with water from your spring means that you, yourself, will never be thirsty. There’s no rearranging of boundaries necessary for the recommender, no exchange of gifts, no call to reassess your favorites in light of new information. Where things get hairy is when women take what is conferred and make it their own. The vaguely fringe music that had already primed my eardrums led away from flourish-laden prog and high-camp power metal, into weirder and uglier places my boyfriend at the time had no interest in traversing. It stings a bit to realize that your heart is big enough to hold all the loves that comprise the person you love, that your desire is malleable and open, and that they have always been enough by themselves, fully-formed, unswerving as a highway through the desert. It hurts to hear that you’re not doing the thing (metal or comics or horse racing) in the way that was shown you, properly. This might be when the rage starts to seep back in, poisoning the spring. But solo concert-going is only lonely until you make it past the venue’s threshold. After that, the Spirit is always with you.

Myself, I’ve seldom found the divine in places it was supposed to inhabit.

The thing about The Mars Volta that embedded itself in my ribcage seventeen years ago wasn’t their tight jeans: it was how they seemed to have misplaced all their fucks. Prior to Sacha Jenkins’ 2003 SPIN review, the ugliest thing I’d sought out of my own volition was an Anti-Flag album, a suitably edgy move in George W. Bush’s America. Deloused in the Comatorium did not care if you understood what it was going for; an impetus existed behind the unexpected time signatures, dog-bothering vocals, and salsa moves that was alluring in its opacity and bloody-mindedness. A bunch of weirdos recorded a fuck-you in album format because they wanted to. Atmosphere, emotion, tension could all be far more important to a song than melody or lyrics. Listenable was up for debate. Art formed its own excuse. In this way, although the two groups couldn’t be further apart sonically, my heart was made ready for Katatonia. Then Oceans of Slumber. Torche. Black Castle, Thou, Bell Witch, Cult of Luna, on and on, an endless sinkhole opening up.

A great and appealing contrast of doom metal lies in the apparent dumbassery of its sound. This is broadly true of all metal, of course; Coal Chamber or Megadeth, Black Sabbath or Pantera, metal was music for drop-outs, stoners, school shooters… the purview not only of miscreants, but of boys and stupid boys at that. Punk seemed the smarter option, if you had anger issues, had heard of feminism, or tended toward hobbies like trying to form a Young Democratic Socialists chapter at your school. For older me, trying to rewrite a religious mind into a liberal and cosmopolitan one, prog metal was defensibly slick and impressive, while power metal seemed less openly hateful toward women. All the while, doom lurked beneath layers of nay-saying. Adult men I’ve known, talented guitarists with good ears and smart hands, have sneered at all the seeming lack populating the slower subgenres--lack of beauty, skill, or even aggression in its most recognizable and masculine forms. Yet, for a listener whose favorite pastime is intellectualizing everything in sight, doom is the other side of the sun.

I don’t… really… understand what a tritone is. I know it’s important, and I could do a bad approximation of the opening of “Black Sabbath,” but definitionally I’m at a loss. Often I have no idea which instrument is making the sound that I like. I don’t know anything about music theory or how to talk with authority about what makes music good, important, or even what differentiates music from other sounds. Maybe a drone metal track is a collection of sounds, rather than a song? My Dream Theater-enthusiast ex figured since I was a nebbishy bespectacled geek, prog would be all I needed. The thinking man’s metal! No one has ever felt threatened by Steven Wilson. You can remain Smart™ while listening to assorted finger-wanky Europeans. In contrast, kicking it with a Texas weed-cult at the skatepark is stupid. Obviously, every genre of metal contains its geniuses, and one of doom’s most lovable qualities is how often unquestionable finesse arrives wrapped in brutal, bizarre, counterintuitive paper. But beyond the plausible deniability of technique and philosophy found in groups like Neurosis is something even more compelling. Sometimes, it just fucking sounds cool.

It sounds like that because someone did it intentionally, gleefully. I wrote a novel like that because I liked how it looked, sounded, felt.

One of the birthrights of normative (white, cis, straight, abled) masculinity is feeling. If you turn out queer, or are socialized as female, or live with the massed connotations of a racist culture written over your skin, overt and violent emotion may be anathema. The power of accessing a fully human emotional spectrum for the first time should not be underrated. The doom bands I grew into loving, independent of the people closest to me who putatively liked similar music, are into feelings. Even, or maybe especially, the ones authority figures wish you didn’t have (and those aren’t always the bad ones. Authority hates it even more if you feel good). If there’s a thing Mormons don’t countenance, it’s feeling bad things and informing people of them, or feeling the wrong good things. Doubt is a big no-no. It’s always better to feel shame when possible. If the Spirit isn’t telling you what you know it should, it’s on you for not listening enough, praying enough, being enough. If the Spirit’s voice isn’t soft and gentle, if it instead materializes in the best growl this side of Obituary, well, Satan quotes scripture too. Meanwhile, doubt--lack of clarity, spiritual and emotional murkiness, bone-deep ambivalence--is doom’s molten heart. Meanwhile, shame--at the self’s fondled hatreds, as C.S. Lewis has it, for things desired and things questioned--is shunned by doomsayers.

The body experiences advance warning. Fury, fear, arousal. Sure, I attribute my openness toward weird music to frustrated teen lust. Sure, I owe Roy Khan and Tony Kakko for first love and redrawn horizons. When fire dies, what’s left is not absence but ash, fertile and generative. Doomed to Fail recognizes that continual plumbing and revolving in uncertainty for its beauty and possibility. Whatever formed my rage and love, those two sides of the same forbidden coin, they belong to me now.

#Doomed to Fail #J.J. Anselmi #diana reads

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