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littlemisslipbalm · 4 years

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“harry’s stylist, right?” part II

Harry and his stylist go from colleagues to friends to lovers because they’ve been in love with each other from the jump

this gif bc i couldn’t fine the fit i wanted to showcase, but that night him and y/n get closer than they had gotten before :))

and we’re back :) - this is the last part of this i may do some little blurbs and stuff about these two if people want it (maybe) i hope you all enjoy this part, it’s not proofread so sorry about that lol. Feedback and reblogs are so very very appreciated, also feel free to message me about you’re feelings about this

Word Count: just over 10k | Warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, implication of smut, i think that’s it

part 1

After the call with Jeff, which wasn’t really a conversation at all, moreso a berating from him, she was in the worst mood. She shrugged off the Bode jacket and hung it up in her entryway closet. She wasn’t planning on wearing it ever again. Without the jacket on, her shirt that seemed to be exactly on the nose with it’s “we’re in the shit” graphic was clear and she untucked it from her light mint pants. She was exhausted, both physically and mentally. Instead of picking her phone up again, she decided she could do without communication for a while. Her feet padded to her bedroom, after removing her nikes and socks. In her bedroom she opened up her record player, wanting music, but not wanting to be bothered with her laptop since it had a connection to the internet.

She grabbed her Electric Warrior by T. Rex and slipped out the first record from its sheath. As she set up the music, she couldn’t remember where she’d even gotten the record but for some reason it had called to. She skipped over Mambo Sun, the first track, though, and had it play Cosmic Dancer first. It was calming to her, she swayed a bit to the soothing beat and then climbed into her bed. Staring at the ceiling, she wondered about when her life had gotten so complicated. The rhythm in the music and the exhausting thought material lulled her to sleep as the afternoon sun washed her room a perfect golden from behind her shade.

When she woke up again, it was midnight and she was starving. The record had stopped spinning hours ago, she hadn’t even gotten through side A. It was forgotten as she made her way to her kitchen, groggily.

After settling on cereal and an alcoholic seltzer for dinner, she was really in the mood to treat herself, she made her way back to her living space. On the couch, she tucked her legs beneath herself and spooned the sugary food into her mouth. She had only soy milk in the place because she didn’t like cow’s milk and it didn’t keep when she was gone for extended periods of time. Then as she sipped from the black cherry White Claw, she dug her hand into the cushion next to her. Her hand reemerged with her discarded phone from earlier. She decided it was reasonable to go on it now.

More messages from various people in her life and hundreds of social media notifications. She was going to ignore social media for as long as she possibly could. Four missed calls. 2 voicemails. Styles Harry. Why she kept contacts backwards in her phone was unimportant, it’s just what she did.

She sighed and took a bigger sip of the barely alcoholic drink. Then clicked the voicemail notifications and pressed the first one on speaker as she began to read his texts as well. Then the next voicemail. She checked the time in California, it was still a reasonable part of the day there so instead of texting back she rang him.

“Hello?”

“Har- H. Hi.”

“Y/N! Are you alright?” The concern apparent in his tone. She was taken aback. He hadn’t necessarily sounded angry in his texts or voicemails, but she just assumed he was being courteous since it was a live conversation.

“You’re not mad at me?”

“No! Why would I be?”

“Because I just had my ass handed to me by Jeff earlier.” She slightly mumbled and shrugged, still upset with how she had been spoken to by Jeff.

“Oh gosh, I told him not to be harsh. It’s honestly not a big deal. I thought it was fine, you texted me too!”

“Yeah, well apparently wearing your clothes means we’re dating and that’s not cool in the world’s eyes,” you scoff.

“I know how much you like that coat...I thought you looked great in it, too.” He finishes in a slight whisper, not wanting to be overheard.

“Harry…” you can’t keep the smile off your face. It was a cute compliment even if the situation wasn’t ideal. “Why do your fans have to be so smart and know there’s only two of those coats in the world and I don’t own the other one.”

He laughs, blushing at how you said his name. This time not using his nickname didn’t bother him, it felt even more intimate somehow.

He rubs a hand through his hair, “I know, pesky little devils, gotta love’em, though”

She hums, not sure if she can agree about loving them right now since they’re probably eating her alive all over social media.

“So you’re alright, darling?” He asks again.

“Mhmm,” she pauses at the pet name, it was soothing right now. All she wanted was to curl into his chest, but he was half a world away, quite literally. His words would have to do in his absence. “I’m really glad you’re not mad at me, H. That would’ve made this a hundred times worse.”

He huffs, wishing he could be with her to comfort her. He hated this part of his life. A friend couldn’t borrow a piece of his clothing without everyone assuming that they were seeing each other. It was disgusting and it made him dislike tabloids and social media even more than he already did.

“Trust me. I’d never be mad at you, pet. And I’d definitely never be mad at you for looking good as fuck in my clothes.”

“Shut up!” She squeals, his tone turning from earnest to teasing in one breath. He cackles on the other end of the line because despite her mean words, he could hear the smile on her lips.

“When are you flying back to London?” Her voice grows quiet again after she takes another sip of her drink.

“Thursday,” he almost whispers back, having contained his mirth again.

“We have some work to do on your Graham Norton and Jingle Bell Ball outfits. The listening party ones are all picked up -”

“Y/N,” Harry cuts her off, “It’s late for you, go to bed. Try not to stress out too much, we’ll talk when I’m back about work. For now, take a few days off to not think about my clothes.”

She sighs, “Thanks, H. You’re right. Have a good rest of your day.”

“Goodnight, m’love.”

She ends the phone call and chalks the almost ‘my’ sounding syllable that she heard before love was just her tired mind and Harry’s mumbling voice. It most certainly wasn’t.

After a restful few days of doing absolutely nothing, something rare for Y/N, she was extremely well rested. So much so that she was peacefully asleep when Harry let himself into her flat since they had agreed to meet at her place when he got back to London. As much as he wanted her to take time off and not over work herself, his schedule was a busy one and now that he was back, they had work to do.

Inside her flat, he was greeted with silence. He made his way to her bedroom at the back of the flat. He’d been here a handful of times. She always told him she preferred to spread out when she worked and Harry’s was the place for that. The door to the bedroom was slightly ajar and he pushed it open slowly with his ring clad hand. His black nails are freshly painted and shiny, no chips. Still in her bed, Y/N shifted around softly. He smiled to himself, taking in how the room smelled over lavender and how she had pink floral sheets. He walked to the window and raised the shade, hoping to have her wake up without and coaxing from him.

“H,” her voice mumbles into her pillow and he thinks she’s woken up. His face turns to look at her, but her eyes are still closed and she looks completely asleep. He wonders if she’s trying to trick him, but then she mumbles again.

“Mhhh, tha’ tickles,” and she giggles. He kind of grimaces, feeling like he shouldn’t be hearing this. He hadn’t known she spoke in her sleep, it was sweet, but with the context right now, he thought him having this knowledge might not sit well with her.

“Y/N,” he says loudly, before clearing his throat. Her eyes shoot wide and she sits up, dropping the sheet she had been snuggling.

“Harry! Oh my god!”

“Meeting, remember?”

“Oh my god,” she glances around her surroundings, Harry still standing at her window. “What time is it?”

“1 pm. We said 1 right?”

“We did, I just...I don’t know what happened. Sorry, give me a second. I’m out of it.”

When she emerged from her room, dressed and ready for the day, Harry had brewed a pot of coffee with her machine that she really only had for guests.

“Sorry again,” she sits at her countertop, searching for her notebook in her bag.

“No worries,” then he leans across the countertop, “Seemed like you were in the middle of a nice dream.”

His brows are raised as she avoids his gaze. She flushes easily, “I- it was...just one of those usual dreams.”

“You have dreams about me often?”

“I didn’t say that!” Her eyes shoot up to meet his and he grins. He takes a sip of his coffee before speaking again.

“I heard you say ‘H’.”

She rolls her eyes, “That proves nothing.”

They both stare at each other for a minute, not talking or moving. Harry is simply grinning at her as she twitches her hand with her pen in it now. Her eyes are trying to figure out what Harry’s getting at, searching his expression for how he feels about knowing she dreams of him. She certainly wasn’t going to get into it with him, even if he did continue prodding.

“Alright,” she begins when he doesn’t seem to want to press it further. “Oh!” She jumps up, dropping her pen and forgetting about whatever else she was going to say. “Your jacket! And shirt! I cleaned the shirt and the jacket…” She runs out of the room to go to her front closet where she had hung up both the jacket and the shirt.

Returning, she holds them out to Harry and he rounds the countertop to look at them.

“Perfect shape,” he admires the spotless shirt and his beloved jacket. He puts them on the back of the chair that was next to them. “Won’t forget my jacket again.”

She smiles sheepishly, thinking back to Jeff’s conversation with her. Harry notices her change in demeanor and takes one of her hands. Her eyes flash up to his face and her body tenses, he feels it even in her hand.

“Have you gone on any social media since you’ve been home?” His eyes are wide as he runs his thumb over the back of her hand.

She softens slightly, “Oh yeah, after the first day I decided to check. Most were funny and sweet, their nasty comments didn't get to me.”

Her eyes are big on her face and Harry watches as her worries and concerns all wash through the swirling colors in them. He wants to take all of that pain away and just stare into her abyss forever.

“What did Jeff say exactly?” He knows that’s what she’s alluding to. Harry loved his manager, but when he had called him about the jacket incident he had been pretty short with Harry and hadn’t given much information on his chat with Y/N. The way she looked right now bothered him because ultimately Harry was in charge of Y/N in his employment of her and if Jeff had acted like her superior in a way that was harmful he’d be downright upset.

Her eyes grow glassy immediately and Harry’s anger begins to bubble in the pit of his stomach. She tries to blink anything away, but fails.

“I don’t know why I’m crying, it wasn’t terrible. It’s just, all my life, I’ve had to work to be taken seriously because of who I am and I hate when I get talked down to by a man. Especially over a stupid fucking publicity thing for you. Like I’m sorry, but I don’t see you as a public figure where I have to worry about every goddamn thing I do messing up your image.” She pauses, taking a deep breath, realizing she’d gotten really worked up as she spoke. The tears running down her face more in anger than sadness. Harry watches on, letting her work through her thought process. “He was just so mean… for what?” She whispers finally.

“Oh god…darling,” Harry grips her hand more firmly. He wants to take her in his arms, but he’s not sure if that’s what’s best for her right now, so he just keeps holding her hand. She stares up at him, blowing a piece of hair out of her face. Her eyes now tinted a light red.

“I’m sorry he spoke to you in that way. That isn’t his job at all, I’ll definitely talk to him since I didn’t have the full story before. He gets very worried about the media perception thing, especially right now with the album.”

She bites the inside of her cheek, blinking up at Harry. “I know your image is important, too, otherwise why the fuck would I be here? Right? I just don’t think it’s that big of a deal I borrowed the jacket.”

“In a perfect world my image wouldn’t matter at all,” Harry sighed, “Fame is a stupid, fickle thing musicians like me get stuck with.”

“Please, you love the attention,” she teases, poking at his chest. The sweatshirt he wore wrinkling under her touch.

“‘M serious,” he insists, “I’m saying it shouldn’t matter that you borrowed my jacket, but sadly it comes across to the rest of the world like I’m dating you.” He pokes her sternum in return.

“And that would be the end of the world?” she smiles, her tone still teasing, but that worry is back and swimming in her eyes again.

This time, though, Harry must not see it because he laughs and lets go of her hand. “For a lot of people, I think it might be.”

She bites at her lip and tries to contain the laugh that bubbles in her. He was right and as he wandered back into the kitchen for more coffee, she shook her head trying to rid herself of those pesky feelings that had been hoping for a different answer.

The next few weeks go off without a hitch. Harry’s outfits look incredible for the listening parties. Then for the Graham Norton Show, the Jingle Bell Ball, and the One Night Only at the Forum. Every single outfit is received with praise and everything seems to be coming up Harry Styles. Y/N has been traveling to most of his appearances, making sure everything is in order before he goes out. She’s always by his side before he walks out into the public eye. Taking his picture and saving it in the lookbook that keeps growing, smoothing over his lapels, either unbuttoning or buttoning a middle button when she thought he had too many or not enough undone for the look. Whatever it was, she was there for him.

Then, after his appearances, they would debrief. Debriefs really were just time that Harry carved out in his schedule to just be alone with Y/N. Sure, they talked about clothes, that’s how they had first connected, but it always turned to other ideas. They’d talk about his songs and she’d ask about the meanings that he wouldn’t share with the rest of the world. He’d happily tell her about it and they enjoyed that time together. There were stolen glances and lingering touches, but at the end of the day they were professionals who were friends. It wasn’t maybe what either of them wanted, but they weren’t unhappy.

Harry just got back from Los Angeles after filming for his Ellen show appearance and he was set to play the Bowery Ballroom tomorrow in London. After this there was going to be a lot of downtime on Harry’s schedule because of the holidays. He had marked out almost a whole month of time off, at least from appearances. They still had to start planning tour outfits and finalize the outfits for the events after the break. Right now, all she was focused on was getting Harry into the beautiful yellow Gucci suit that was a twin of the Watermelon Sugar suit he had worn on Saturday Night Live. Harry said he wanted to check the suit before tomorrow for some reason, so Y/N had made her way over.

She finished buttoning the sleeves of the jacket and stepped back to admire Harry once again. No matter what he wore he always looked marvelous in her eyes. She’d argue anyone could say that about Harry though. He could pull anything off and make it his own with barely any effort.

Today, his hair was disheveled and mused from his plane ride back into London. The flight from California to England was a rough one, even when you traveled in the type of luxury Harry did. Despite his tired body and eyes, the suit looked stunning on him. He wore it without shoes and she giggled when she saw his feet. His feet tattoos never failed to make her laugh and she had no explanation for why.

While Harry looked good in everything, there actually was something a little off with the suit right now. Normally, it hugged him just right to make him look perfectly muscled and defined, but it seemed to be hanging a little looser in some areas.

She tapped a finger to her lip, looking him over, unsure of what was off.

“Did you lose weight, H?”

“Huh?” He looks down at himself and somewhat notices the looser fit, but wasn’t quite sure if he had lost weight. “Don’t think so.”

She hums and steps closer to him, dropping her hands to tug at various parts of the suit, trying to figure out whether she should take anything in or leave it be.

“It’s probably all the travel I’ve been doin’. Can be draining me more than I realize.” He ponders as she continues to work silently over the suit.

Her hands travel beneath the suit and encircle his waist, almost as if she’s hugging him, but not really. His stomach flexes at the contact, her chest pressed softly against his. She grips a bit of the shirt from the back and then unfolds herself from him to look at the mirror. The shirt is now taut against his sternum and pectorals under the coat. She tilts her head, silently asking him his opinion.

“I think it’s fine the way it is, honestly.”

“Okay,” she nods and releases her hold on the shirt, hand slithering out from beneath his coat. He exhales deeply through his nose. “Make sure you eat properly tonight.” She says before beginning to pack up her things, done for the day. Harry begins to undress himself.

She turns back to face him as he hands her the jacket and shirt, her eyes run over the length of his torso, both for the sake of checking on his health and for other purely selfish reasons. All the tattoos still remained where they always were when she saw him like this. It never got old, his beautiful body. He didn’t even need clothes to look good. She blinks back to reality when the fabric comes in contact with her hand.

“Make sure you treat yourself this holiday season, you deserve it, H. And it seems like any weight you ever gain is muscle anyways, so you don’t exactly have to worry around the sweets table.”

Harry laughs heartily as he slips on his long sleeve shirt he was wearing. Then he starts on the pants as she turns away again to hang up the top parts of the suit.

Finally, she adds when he hands her the suit pants, “Just don’t want you overworking yourself, seriously, H.”

He looks at her as he buttons up his baggy blue jeans. The outfit he wore was just the first clean things he had grabbed when he had gotten home. His green eyes turn serious after the mirthfilled last few moments.

He crosses to her side as she puts away the clothes in the garment bag. His hand lands softly on her shoulder and she turns to him at his touch. “I know. You’re so good to me, darling. Always making sure I’m taking care of myself…”

It’s quiet. The soft breeze in the London air outside barely whispers around the house. Harry’s voice was laced with love, even if it wasn’t his intention. His ‘thank you’ was piercing into her heart and his touch wasn’t helping her stay focused. Her breath caught in her throat when she felt Harry take a step closer to her, his head ducking slightly down to her level. Then, right on the edge of her left temple and her hairline, his soft lips pressed against her skin. They brushed against her for just a moment, lingering for the respectful amount of time. But all she wanted was anything but respectful. She wanted his lips pressed against hers, she wanted his hands in her hair, yanking her deeply into him. She wanted to scream when he pulled away, but she didn’t. She smiled warmly up at Harry and her eyelashes fluttered on their own accord like a schoolgirl with a crush.

“Thank you,” he whispers again.

“What would you do without me?” She pushes at him playfully, shaking off her giddiness. Then she turns back to her work, scooping up all the items of hers on the table.

“Probably have to walk around naked, huh?”

“Oh my god!” She laughs and starts for the door, Harry follows behind to walk to her out to her car. “Maybe I should quit! People would love it.” She continues laughing as she hangs the garment in the passenger's seat side.

“No thank you, please,” Harry hurriedly says.

She turns to him as she closes the door and leans against the car. This was their routine right before she left, a final chat against the car before she drove off for the night.

“Tomorrow’s going to be amazing, H. It’s gonna be electric!” She scrunches her nose slightly at the pun about the venue as she smiles up at him.

He sticks his tongue into the side of his cheek, holding back a laugh. His eyes narrow at her, slyly. “Very funny.”

She only winks at him before pushing herself off of her car and walks to the driver’s side of the car.

He waves as she begins to pull out of the driveway and she flashes him a peace sign and a mouthed ‘Bye’ when she turns onto the street.

After the Bowery Ballroom show, Y/N barely sees Harry at the after party. She doesn’t worry about it too much. His management was going to have a holiday party next week before the little break began for the team. So, she knew she’d see him before she flew back to see her family for the holidays. She was going home for two weeks and then would be back for New Year’s and then would get back to work after that.

She saw Harry exactly twice after the show. First, she saw Harry right after the show and he was all sweaty and exhilarated. He tackled her in a bear hug with such strength she would have fallen back if he hadn’t been holding her so tightly. When he pulled away, he placed two extremely slobbery kisses on her cheeks and she laughed, tipping her head back in pure bliss. Then he was pulled away by Jeff to change and get ready for the after party.

Jeff had apologized over text about the tone he had taken over the whole jacket thing, but only Harry had told him to. It was fine with Y/N, she told him that too, but she just never felt like being around him for very long if she could help it after that. That’s why she liked that most of her job entailed dealing with Harry directly. If she had to go through Jeff for everything she’d likely pull her hair out. He was still short with her at whole team meetings and not necessarily courteous when they were around each other casually. Like she said, it was fine, she just didn’t make it her business to be around Jeff.

The second time she saw Harry was around half past one am. She was pretty sure it was time for her to uber home and she wanted to say goodbye to Harry. Her well-liquored body stumbled around the big room. Deciding to take shots with the band had gotten her to where she was now and she wasn’t complaining she was happy. She was in a celebratory mood and wanted to see Harry right now. Tell him how much fun she had and how proud she was of him. How much she loved him… Hopefully she kept that part to herself.

“Harry!” She finally exclaims, coming upon a group of people surrounding the star himself. She ignored the rest of the people, likely stars too, but she really couldn’t care less. One of them tried to straighten up as if he was going to block her from Harry, feeling like she maybe wasn’t someone Harry wanted to see since they didn’t know her. No one seemed to ever recognize Y/N as Harry’s stylist when it mattered. Harry waved them off, a little drunk as well, but obviously recognizing Y/N.

“Darling!” He exclaims and raises his arms out to her. She grips onto him quickly and snuggles into him happily. With her still in his arms, he turns them from the prying eyes of the group he had been with.

She raises her head from his warm chest so that her lips are near his ear, “Congratulations, Mr. Styles.”

“Thanks, baby,” he purrs into her ear, his voice coarse and low, carrying over the music. She giggles at the nickname, her entire plan going out the metaphorical window.

Her fingers smooth up over the fabric on his chest, a nice short sleeve silk button down that was tucked into dark high waisted trousers - they’d picked it out last week. One of her fingers begins to trace around his collarbone after she reaches the opening of the shirt. His eyes flutter shut at the contact. They were so needy for each other. Each touch would coarse heat through them every time.

“I’m going…” She says after a moment of silence between them. The party was raging around them, most not paying any mind to the two of them off in their own world.

“Don’t go,” Harry practically begs. A hand flies up to pet over the top of her hair and she smiles even wider.

“It’s late and I’m tired,” she makes a face in response to Harry’s pout, “You have lots of people to entertain, Mr. Styles.” Her teeth capture her bottom lip as she stares at him intently.

He groans and pulls her closer. This time his lips brush right against her ear and she wants to shiver, but he keeps her in place. “If you keep calling me that, you’re gonna drive me insane.”

Her eyes widen but her hazy mind isn’t processing all of what is going on. She barely takes inventory of ‘baby’, for him to say she’s turning him on without actually saying it. Tomorrow Y/N would have to deal with that one.

She pulls back from him, creating space between their chests, but he still holds her waist close to him. She leans up and places a kiss on the corner of his lips. It’s technically supposed to be a kiss on the cheek but if she had moved her lips a millimeter to the right they would have been on Harry’s. This gesture has his grip tightening on her, but she pulls away.

“Goodnight!” She sings as she bounces out of sight, wiggling her fingers in a wave before completely being gone.

Harry sighs and runs a hand over his face, kind of in shock of the last five minutes. He had liked it. He just hadn’t expected it. When he turns his attention back to the group that was behind him, it’s not the same as it was before. Jeff looks at him with narrowed eyes and Harry’s eyes go wide and his grin widens as well.

Tonight is the management holiday party for Harry’s team. Y/N and Harry had seen each other two days after the Electric Ballroom to debrief, but mostly to get brunch. They didn’t talk about the little teases they shared at the after party. Both of them just assumed that the other probably didn’t remember and didn’t want to go through the trouble and embarrassment of recounting it. Alcohol has that effect of making you a little bolder than you actually are.

Brunch with Harry solidified Y/N’s thoughts on fame. Celebrity could be so strange, because there was the one day when she got photographed with just Harry’s jacket on and there was speculation of dating, but then she could go out to brunch with him and not be bothered at all. It made absolutely no sense.

Anyway, tonight there were no gifts, but Y/N had gotten Harry something even though he said he never needs anything. She hoped she’d be able to give it to him after they were walking back to their transportation since she wanted it to be a surprise and not have everyone know she gave him a gift. It wasn’t a big deal - or maybe it was - it was just an item she knew Harry had been fawning over. It was so him and she knew he’d probably end up buying it for himself eventually, but it felt nice to be able to give him something for once. Price didn’t matter. Still, she was a little nervous and tucked and re-tucked it several times in the back seat of her car before heading inside.

It was a restaurant his management had rented out for their party. She gave her name and headed inside. The lighting was overly dimmed and it smelled like expensive alcohol and delicious food. It was everything an A-list singer deserved as a celebration. She never could fully grasp that the Harry she had gotten to know as her friend was also the same Harry that the entire world was infatuated with, for good reason. He was charming in the best way, terribly sincere, insanely talented, and all around a good human being. She knew that, it just surprised her that everyone else knew it too. There was just that disconnect for her that she shared him with the rest of the world.

Her high heeled heels brought her to the backroom of the restaurant. They managed to shimmer even in the dim light. She had gone for winter chic with a sequin and mesh white dress, that looked like fresh snow with a cream and blue swirling design on the under layer so that her undergarments weren’t showing through. It was like a modern ice princess look that was finished with her heels that had sparkles on the entire back of them. Her hair was down and her makeup a little more done up than usual. She used a light blue eyeshadow to imitate ice and added some rhinestones on the inner parts of her eyes. She may have watched a Euphoria-inspired makeup look tutorial on youtube and she wasn’t afraid to admit that.

The scene she came upon was what she expected. Lots of men in suits and a good amount of women in power suits too. The people in any interesting clothes were Harry and his band. Some of the business people’s partners were dressed up more but it all wasn’t too exciting. Plus, Harry’s famous friends group hadn’t shown up yet. Y/N hid her disappointment easily, not surprised about the lack of flavor she saw in the style. She just repeated the mantra her mother had always told her: “You can never be overdressed, only underdressed.” It stuck with her always and made her go for those bolder styles when she needed to.

Harry was there, sipping on a glass of water. She figured he might not want to get started on drinking so early in the evening. Tonight didn’t feel like a drinking night for her either. After the last big party, she had woken up with a massive hangover and a few memories that she wished she hadn’t made. She wasn’t planning on repeating that series of events.

As she goes to grab a glass of water on the large table, she gets a tap on her shoulder. She spins.

“Happy Holidays, darling!”

Her eyes widen and her smile immediately grows. Harry grins back at her, his mouth open in the perfect winning smile of his and his eyes twinkling with happiness.

“Happy Holidays to you too, Mr.-” She stops herself, remembering back to the last party, “H.” She finishes firmly after clearing her throat. Harry’s grin turns to a wicked knowing smirk.

“I’m happy you came! I know you’re not super connected to all of the groups here, Harry Lambert is around somewhere though and I know he’s been wanting to talk with you about clothes.”

Harry watches as her eyes shine even brighter when he mentions the other stylist. It was true, Y/N didn’t really mesh with any of the groups that worked around Harry. The stylist kind of stood alone in regards to where she fit into his life, not the business part, not the band part, not the crew, and not the other celebrities. Harry Lambert and other fashion people didn’t always come to these events so it was seldom that Y/N had her own people to talk to. Not that mingling was hard for her, he just knew she didn’t like to do that as much so whenever another stylist or designer was there he always made sure to introduce them - if they weren’t already acquainted.

“That’s amazing! I haven’t seen him in ages… I’ll have to get his opinion on how I’ve been doing.”

Harry licks his lips as he laughs a little at her comment. She looked beautiful tonight and he wanted to tell her.

“Harry. What the hell are you wearing?” Her eyes flash as she takes in his appearance.

He looks down at himself and then back at her confused. They hadn’t picked the outfit out, but he thought it looked nice.

“Obviously not the suit! On your head?”

“Oh. It’s a gift from Mitch and Sarah.” He pauses to reach up to play with the headband sat on top of his curls. “It’s mistletoe and it seems like you’re standing beneath it. You know what that means,” he toys with it as he wiggles his eyebrows.

She scoffs sarcastically, looking to the side for a means of escape, “No way.”

“C’mon! It’s tradition!” He steps forward playfully and she places a hand on his chest.

“You can kiss my cheek.” She says finally and Harry looks at her disapprovingly.

He wags a finger at her with his free hand, “You’re the one under the mistletoe, you have to kiss me.”

“Okay that’s definitely not how this works! Now you don’t get any kiss at all, you cheeky bastard.”

“Fine. But don’t come crying to me when you’re the one with coal in your stocking.”

“Haha.” Her eyes once again roll to the side as she pushes him back and he steps back like she actually had a strong push. Then they both actually laugh and she gives him a quick side hug with a whispered, “there”. Harry smiles down at her, but it falters slightly when she’s already pulling away. He wanted her at his side the entire night, but sadly that wasn’t reality.

She drags him around the restaurant in search of Harry Lambert since the party had started to grow and she needed his height to get her where she wanted to go. Maybe. Or maybe she just liked the way he held her hand to lead her through the crowd that was most definitely not dense enough for her to have to hold on to him to stay with him at all.

She sees more of Harry at this party. They have some good conversations about plans for the holidays and snickering about who was already too drunk even though it wasn’t even midnight. She can’t believe he keeps on the stupid headband all night, giving and receiving various types of kisses from every person he talks to. Some are kisses on the cheek, others are friendly smooches on the mouth. Thankfully all of them are those cute little pecks that friends always tend to share, otherwise Y/N might have had to excuse herself and leave early. Jealous little thing.

As the night dragged on, she began to question herself on that front. Why was she growing jealous when friends would kiss Harry. She could've kissed Harry. She practically did the other week. But now, after refusing him a mistletoe kiss and seeing everyone else do what she didn’t have the courage to do, she felt childish. Well, childish or not, she knew why she couldn’t kiss him. Kissing Harry wouldn’t be just a friend thing for her. It would mean a lot more and if it was just a friend thing for him she wouldn’t be sure if she could handle going on with their working relationship after. Her job was the most important thing in her life. Being a stylist, loving clothes, and working on personal designs for the future was her life. Giving up this prestigious of a job was out of the question. Maybe the idea of being with Harry had crossed her mind, but she didn’t know how it could ever be realistic. If they got together could she keep her job? Would she have to quit? And find a new one? There were too many unknowns for her to ever actually entertain it. That’s why they went to the edge so often, she always would back away and she was sure that if she didn’t, Harry would for her.

He knew her. He knew her passion, he watches it firsthand everyday they work together. Even when they’re not working he can see her mind forming different ideas just based off of the things she sees people wear on the streets. He watches her fingers fiddle over her phone, typing out notes for design ideas and screenshotting inspiration. So every time they went to the edge of changing their relationship, he knew he couldn’t push it because he never wanted to hurt her or her dreams in some way. She was too important to him to simply mess that up. Even if it hurt him.

So when Harry slides in the back of her car that night at 2 am because Y/N says she has something important to show him, he’s fully ready to stop their flirting from going any further. And when she tells him she needs to show him something, she has the most pure intentions when she pulls out the nicely wrapped box, its wrapping paper a swirling lavender pattern that’s really not festive at all, but she prefers it.

He looks between her and the box that she’s now placed in his lap. His green eyes flickering even in the darkness of the car, the city lights illuminating the backseat enough for them.

“You know I don’t need anything…” He fiddles with the skinny mesh ribbon neatly tied around the box.

She makes a little gesture, pushing him to open the present, “I know, but I also know you’ve been wanting this and you deserve it.”

He unwraps the paper to reveal a Gucci box and he rolls his eyes at her, but smiles genuinely as he lifts the top of the box off. It reveals a 1955 Horsebit Shoulder Bag in beautiful shiny black leather. It’s gorgeous.

“I can’t...I don’t know what to say,” Harry’s eyes are huge as his delicate hands ghost over the bag's details. He had been wanting it and he hadn’t gotten the courage to buy it yet. He liked purses, but sometimes he even had his doubts about what he could pull off.

His eyes go back to her and she smiles widely at him, all her teeth on display because she’s just that happy. “This is a really expensive bag, Y/N.”

“If it makes you feel better I can charge it as a wardrobe expense, but then it’s not really a gift from me,” She sighs at his unrelenting gaze.

“Thank you.” He touches at the bag again and then does a dance in his spot. “And don’t worry, I will always remember this as a gift from you. I love it.”

She smiles and leans over the box to look at the bag, admiring the beauty of it as well. “It’s pretty great.”

“Mhmm,” Harry hums and she raises her eyes, seeing his trained on her face. “You’re under the mistletoe again, darling,” he smirks.

Her breath stops once again, how could he do that to her so easily? Their eyes stay locked under the city lights. The fake mistletoe bobs above them still connected to the silly headband. It’s colorful leaves and fun stripes mock her when she flicks her gaze up to it for a moment. Then back to Harry. Harry who’s holding the gift she just gave him. Harry who looks beautiful tonight. Harry who is her favorite person in the world to spend time with.

Now. Now is when she pulls back from the ledge. This is when she takes a step back and stops herself. When Harry laughs it off. When she pushes him away. When they go about the rest of their day like that electricity hadn’t gone up either of their spines.

But that’s not what happens. Instead, she nods in agreement and then crashes her lips against Harry’s. It’s not like those friend kisses that had happened with him all night under that same mistletoe. It’s hard and hot and fast. Her lips are pressed to his for one searing moment and then she’s biting his lip, desperate to taste more of him. She had been longing for this for so long and now that she had it, she couldn’t let it go.

Harry’s hands fly to her cheeks as he pulls her closer, more into his lap. He pushes the box into the front area of the car blindly. The gift was completely forgotten. This was a far more important matter. Her lips were wet and plush and they tasted like the single Manhattan she had halfway through the night and vanilla lip gloss. When she bites his lip, he can’t hold back the moan inside his throat and she presses her tongue into his mouth quickly. He was her oasis and she had been traveling for months. He responds with similar vigor, enjoying the way her body presses to his in the backseat of this little car.

They kiss for as long as they can. Licking, sucking, and biting each other’s lips to taste as much as they can. But it’s just kissing. Neither of them work to travel anywhere else. Their lips are seemingly enough. Each press of their lips communicates what they had been longing for. It’s euphoric.

When the windows start to fog and her eyes open for a random moment, she realizes they need to cool whatever this is.

“H-Harry,” She gulps for a breath of air and she tries to get his attention. “I gotta get home.”

“Come back to my place,” he mumbles into her collarbone, happily licking over his love bite.

She laughs and swallows slowly, “That is definitely out of the question, I have a flight tomorrow.”

He removes his mouth from her and straightens up. His lips are even brighter pink than usual and perfectly puffy. His hair disheveled from her hands. She blushes at the thought.

“Right, forgot about that,” he opens the car door and they both slide out. They stand at her car, just like they usually did outside his house. However this time is quite different from most.

They sigh heavily, in unison. The winter air is cold in London. She shivers slightly and knows she can’t stay in his presence much longer.

“Merry Christmas, H.”

He leans down and places one last sweet kiss to her lips. She wrinkles her nose and smiles unabashedly.

“Merry Christmas, Darling.”

Harry and her don’t talk as much while she’s back home for the holidays. There’s no work to be discussed and while they parted on not necessarily bad terms, there was definitely a conversation that needed to be had between the two. Neither seemed to want to have that conversation over the phone, or worse, text. So for the next week and a half, Harry and Y/N exchanged texts of funny memes that reminded them of each other and odd anecdotes from family members that had made them laugh. Nothing really substantial, just small, I was thinking of you messages.

When she walked out of the luggage carousel at London Heathrow Airport, she expected to be getting in the queue for an uber. Instead, before she could cross the street to get to the queue even, a tall man stopped her. A tall, scruffy, extremely buff, extremely handsome, and extremely kissable man. Harry. It would be terribly strange if it was anyone else.

“Excuse me, ma’am, do you need a lift back to your flat?” His dark sunglasses cover his face and a big coat, scarf, and hat make him hardly recognizable. The curls sticking out from beneath the cute knit scarf are thankfully a dead give away for her. As well as his perfect drawling voice.

She shivered in the cold, her matching grey sweatpants and Treat People With Kindness sweatshirt had been warm enough on the flight, but proved inadequate for almost January in London. Yet, Harry’s presence brings a smile to her face.

“It’s good to see you, H.”

He laughs, his cover obviously blown. His arms encircle her body and she instantly melts into his embrace. His large coat easily fell around her and warmed her. His own natural body heat adds to her new found warmth as well.

“You too,” he murmured. His head buries into the crook of her neck, warming her cold skin.

He pulls back after a rather long embrace, realizing they’re still out on the sidewalk. He takes one step back and she visibly deflates at his absence, the cold once again surrounding her.

“Let’s get you home,” he grabs at the handle of her suitcase in one hand and her hand in the other. The warmth returns and she grins, placated by his touch.

“So are you coming to my party tonight?” He inquires once he settles into the driver’s seat after putting her suitcase in the back.

She shifts in her seat, arms wrapped tightly around herself, still cold without any warmth from Harry or the car. “Don’t you suppose there was a reason why I chose to come home today?”

Harry’s ears perk at the use of home, never assuming Y/N viewed London as her home, still it made him smile.

As the car purrs to life, heat immediately seeping out of the seats and vents, Harry’s phone connects as well. NFWMB by Hozier begins to play softly and she glances at Harry again. The song was so sultry and soft, like expensive dark chocolate melting on your tongue. The mood in the car seemed to shift. Their eyes met, Harry’s green ones narrowing at her, trying to decipher the look she was giving to him.

Then he drove off, softly singing along to the words through the sleepy streets. It was surprisingly quiet out for the holidays, people choosing to lay low during the day so they could celebrate the changing of decades in full force tonight.

After the song ends, his eyes travel over to her again and she’s already looking at him. She had missed his face. Sure, he’d sent some silly selfies while she was gone. Mostly on Christmas Eve with his family when he had gotten drunk on mulled wine and eggnog and brandy. Still, in person, he was even more beautiful. The high cheek bones that glistened with a shine most makeup could only hope to produce. Full raspberry lips with stubble growing to frame above and below. The crinkles growing on his forehead and by his eyes that showed him aging with grace. The precious few moles that had gotten lucky enough to live on his face forever. His big green eyes that were consistently bright with interest and intellect, but deep and knowing despite his loving demeanor. She loved those big green eyes, they were just so big and she didn’t understand how no one took the same interest in them as her. All of it, just sitting there beside her. Don’t even get her started on the soul that inhabited the beautiful man beside her. She never would stop spiraling then.

“What?” He asks softly, the sounds of Paul McCartney during some era fading in.

She blinks, hazily in admirance, “Nothing,” she replies.

“What?” He insists, laughing slightly, the lips she loves so much widening in excitement.

“Just missed you.”

Her voice is quiet but strong, serious. A blush creeps up his neck, taking hold of his features.

“Missed you too,” his left hand reaches across the console to take hold of her hand that resided on her thigh. He squeezes her hand softly and they both smile at each other again.

“Don’t worry, I can get my stuff upstairs. I don’t want you being out in the cold any longer than you have to. I’ll see you tonight, H!” She pushes her body across the console and places a kiss on his cheek before jumping out of the car. Harry makes a half smile, knowing he can’t change her mind. He waves to her behind the window as she travels into her building.

“See you.” He says to himself before driving back to his home to finish up preparing for tonight’s festivities. The party was going to be more intimate than the Christmas party at the restaurant. Tonight was just Harry’s family and closest friend - the band, Jeff and his family, Y/N, and a few others.

The whole night Harry and Y/N are within a foot of each other, if not on top of each other. He never leaves her side nor does she his. They are tethered to one another. The longest they’re apart is when Harry gets them refills of Champagne and Y/N journeys to the restroom. They laugh and catch up.

As the night goes on, Harry begins to whisper sweet nothings in her ear and she giggles and places her hand on his chest flirtily. Their interaction is a dance, bedroom eyes and low voices, lingering touches and suggestive lip bites.

When the countdown begins to grow closer, everyone refills their drinks and gathers in the center of Harry’s living room. They cheer and countdown to 2020. And of course, Y/N’s by Harry’s side as he begins the count. And when they get to ‘one’ and everyone’s saying “Happy New Year”, Harry and her are sharing a chaste peck to the lips that electrifies everything they had been saying to each other all night. She sighs into his mouth, but pulls away quickly, aware of their surroundings. No one particularly questions the kiss, either not paying attention or caring. Harry beams down at her and they enjoy the rest of the evening.

At around 1 am, the last of the guests stumble out of Harry’s homes and into waiting ubers and safe rides. Y/N lingers back, beginning to clean the discarded glassware and paper plates. Her and Harry are definitely tipsy, but they enjoy the cleaning work, making terrible jokes about New Year’s and commenting on what people wore tonight. When it’s relatively cleaned in the kitchen, Y/N wanders out to the living room and finds Harry reclined back on the couch.

“H,” She sticks out her foot and nudges him with her boot.

“C’mere,” he reaches out his hand to her, his coat discarded, leaving his arms bare with only a white tank top on.

She takes his hand hesitantly and is yanked on top of Harry in an instant. With a loud huff, she settles above him. “That wasn’t nice.”

“Shush,” his pointer finger goes over her lips, her eyes narrow at him, “Can you believe we’re seeing 2020?”

“Oh my god! I hate you!” She rolls her eyes at his pun and shakes herself from his hand around her waist. She stands up to walk away but he easily grasps her wrist and stops her, easily sitting himself up on the couch.

He looks at her and her annoyance, that wasn’t all too strong in the first place, dissipates. She sighs, “I should probably be heading home.”

“You should stay, it’s so late,” his hand rubbing over the skin on her wrist.

She bites her lip, contemplating the offer, he was right. “I’m really tired and we haven’t really talked, H.”

“But we-”

“Not about us. We’ve been skirting around it, flirting with each other all night, but we haven’t talked about what’s going on. I can’t stay if you expect something from me.”

“I don’t expect anything from you, Y/N. That’s not why I want you to say,” Harry says earnestly, realizing quickly what she’s saying. “I’ve never expected anything from you. An offer to stay is just an offer to stay.”

“Okay,” she finally smiles and sits down beside Harry.

“You can sleep in the guest bedroom, too. If that makes you more comfortable?”

“Oh...I don’t know if we have to take it that far. Plus, you’re like a personal heater and I get cold at night.”

Harry perks up, he had been feeling resigned that maybe she wasn't on the same page as him. He wanted to be with her all the time but also didn’t want to put any pressure on her. She just made him so happy.

“Great! Let’s get to bed then.” He pops up from the couch and brings her into his arms, “You know where all my clothes are, so you can just borrow whatever you want, and then I’m sure I have extra toothbrushes…”

She giggles into his side as she watches him ramble animatedly. Sometimes he was oh so bright, so joyful and carefree. A stark contrast from the quiet confidence he often exhibited for the public.

She woke up in the warm embrace of Harry. His whole bed smelled like him, vanilla mixed with spices of tobacco and sandalwood. It was delicious and she snuggled in deeper to the soft chest she laid against, breathing in his scent deeply.

They rested there for a long time. Harry makes his awakening known with a lingering kiss to her forehead. They both sigh in contentment, radiant in each other’s arms.

“What’s the plan today?” She ponders as Harry’s fingers trace patterns over her skin. He hums in thought.

“Wanna be with you…”

She laughs and looks up at him, “Me too, but we can’t lay around all day.”

“Well, we could.” Harry insists.

She laughs again and twists in his arms, settling so she’s facing him. She bites her lip as she thinks about something, scanning his face over and over.

“I’m gonna go home and get ready for the day. Let’s just explore the city and do some 2020 shopping. Who knows, maybe fashion’s changed since the last decade,” she grins.

Harry chuckles a little and pets at her hair, “I like the sound of that. And we can talk - about us.”

“Mmhmm.”

He tilts his head forward and meets her lips once again, savoring her taste. Each kiss makes him want more. She was good.

Harry lugs in the four heavy shopping bags into her flat, as she carries the single small bag from the chocolatier he had dragged them into. He presses her to the counter when he sets down the bags and begins to kiss her face all over. She giggles and places her hands on his shoulders, giving him a kiss to the lips before pulling away.

They had talked about what they wanted, what they saw in each other and how that fit into their work relationship and the rest of their lives. Harry would have to talk to Jeff, but more so as a by the way this is what I’m doing with my life, not an ask for permission. Y/N would continue as his stylist until the end of the tour cycle, but afterwards she’d go back to freelancing. They wanted to try to date and be as normal as possible. She told him how she didn’t love the fame or the celebrities. Sure she dealt with those things for work, but when they were off duty, she wanted to be regular. She wanted to go out on dates and make dinner on weekend nights. Harry had agreed, he wanted those things too and he understood her wish to keep work and their relationship separate. However, he’d made her concede to allowing kisses during work hours. She had laughed and said it was an easy term to agree to.

It was going to be a good thing. They were both giddy with excitement, the new year, and all the new things they had bought on their relationship high.

“Oh!” She pushed Harry further away from her and hurried into her room. He laughed and looked confusedly after her. “Wait there!” She called. Harry leaned against the back of her upholstered chair.

“Close your eyes!” She says before coming back into the room. Harry’s hands go over his eyes easily as he grins blindly in her direction.

“‘M waiting…”

“Open.”

Harry’s hands slip away and his green eyes blink open. In front of him stands Y/N holding up a hand knit brown sweater vest with horizontal red, cream and blue thin stripes along with the thicker brown stripes. Harry beams, reaching his hands out to take hold of it.

“It was supposed to be a surprise for later, but I found it at this vintage place while I was home and I couldn’t wait any longer to show it to you.”

“Darling, this is gorgeous. I love it! But you shouldn’t have...”

“I thought you could wear it for Lizzo’s concert. I know you said you liked the other sweater vest, but this one is so-”

“You spoil me, seriously.” He cuts her off and laughs before pulling her back into him. Their lips collide in a searing kiss, Harry’s excitement over the new garment making him eager to show her how much he really loved it.

A small sigh escapes her lips as Harry presses into her. His tongue pushing into her mouth in a way that turns the sigh into a moan.

“Let me show you just how much I love it,” He murmurs against her lips, casting the garment onto the back of the chair he had previously been leaning on.

She smiles, eyes fluttering open and meeting his with adoration swelling in their depths. Then she allows him to back their intertwined bodies into her room.

Some apartment in New York a few months later:

“I knew it!”

“Huh?” Aidy lifts her head from the skit she was working on to look at her friend and coworker.

“That stylist...for Harry Styles,” Heidi shifts, sitting up and turning her phone to face Aidy, “She was seen out with him, getting lunch in London and then making out on a street corner. I bet they were dating back in November when he was on the show!”

Aidy laughs, thinking back to her conversation with the stylist that night of Harry’s show. The girl had been so in love that night and Harry had been smitten all week, describing her in the best way, praising her every decision, yearning for her even. And now they were actually together...she was happy for them.

“I don’t know about that...but they were head over Gucci heels for each other that’s for sure.”

Heidi and her scroll through the pictures on social media of the singer and his girlfriend.

“They probably are the best dressed couple I have ever seen,” Heidi grumbles.

“Now that is definitely accurate.”

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#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles angst #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles one shot #harry styles oneshot #harrys stylist right?#harry styles x y/n

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imagineyourworld-old · 3 years

Text

Cuddles

Rex x Fem!Jedi!Reader

Summary: You are extremely affectionate with everyone but Rex and even though the Captain knows why it bothers him, he refuses to acknowledge his feelings

Warnings: Mentions of injuries, mentions of sex

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It wasn’t unusual for the Jedi to send additional healers on dangerous or very long missions. Nor was it unusual for said healers to be Jedi, not only could their force sensitivity help them locate, and to a certain degree heal, even the toughest injuries, they could also help out in battle when needed. And so no one was surprised when you were send along with the 501st on a mission to the outer rim.

-------

“Have you seen General Skywalker? I have a few questions regarding his plans for tomorrow”, Rex asked Ahsoka.

The Padawan looked up from her datapad to point down the corridor.

“I think he wanted a quiet place to work.”

The way Ahsoka said the word made Rex second guess whether the General was actually working or talking to his not-so-secret wife. And even though he didn’t want to interrupt him, he knew how important time with loved ones was the night before a big battle, he really needed his questions answered.

“Thanks.”

Ahsoka smiled at him before turning back to her datapad.

-------

Rex opened and closed a few doors in vain.

Finally he opened the last door of the long corridor and found the General sitting on a blanket he had laid on the floor. But he was not alone.

Rex was surprised that Anakin actually seemed to be working, he had a datapad in his hand and another laying next to him, but that wasn’t what caught the Captain's attention.

You were with the General. Your head was in Anakin’s lap and one of his hands was stroking your hair, which had gotten loose from your bun and was now covering part of your face. Your closed eyes and deep breaths told Rex that you were fast asleep. But instead of thinking how relaxed you looked when sleeping, when for once you didn’t have the weight of protecting the galaxy on your shoulders, he felt as if someone had just shot him right in the chest.

“Rex, is something the matter?”

The Captain tore his eyes away from you to look at Anakin. He tried his best to be professional, not to let a blush rise to his cheeks or his feelings show.

“I have a few questions about tomorrow.”

Anakin nodded. Although both men spoke in quiet voices and the General moved only slightly you began to stir and opened your eyes a moment later.

Being a trained Jedi it took you less than a second to remember where you were and who you were with. Slowly you sat up and looked from Rex to Anakin and back again.

“Hello, Captain”, you said with a soft smile.

And no matter how hard he tried, heat now crept up to his cheeks.

“I am sorry for waking you.”

You shook your head, still smiling.

“Nonsense, I shouldn’t have fallen asleep anyway.”

You looked at Anakin again, who had been watching your interaction with great interest.

“I’ll leave you two alone and get back to work then.”

The Jedi nodded, a smile now gracing his lips as well.

Never in his life had Rex felt as out of place as he did in that very moment. This was a private interaction and he had no business witnessing the smiles the two of you gave each other, nor the loving expression in your eyes. But he couldn’t tear his eyes away, not even when you pressed a gentle kiss to Anakin’s cheek before grabbing the second datapad from the floor.

Rex stepped out of the door to let you pass, careful to put a bit of space between your bodies. But even the few feet between you didn’t stop him from smelling your sweet perfume. Where Jedi could get perfume in the middle of a war was beyond him, but he had come to love every whiff of the scent he got. Though now, more than ever, he knew he shouldn’t. He knew you weren’t his and would never be.

“I’ll see you around, Rex”, you said. And for a moment, just for a short moment, Rex thought you might reach out to him. He braced himself for the touch, but it never came. Instead you smiled before closing the door behind you.

Usually he tried his best to be respectful to General Skywalker and any other Jedi, but he couldn’t help himself.

“Does she know about Senator Amidala?”

Anakin got up from his spot on the floor and looked at Rex with raised eyebrows.

“I’m not sure what you’re referring to.”

Try as he might, Rex couldn’t keep the anger out of his tone.

“Does (Y/N) - I mean General (Y/L/N), of course - does she know you are married to Senator Amidala?”

Anakin stepped closer to Rex. The Captain couldn’t quite read his expression.

“(Y/N)”, he said your name in a way that made it very clear he had noticed Rex’s slip earlier. “Does not know about Padmé.”

“Do you think it’s fair then, to lead her on like this?”

The Jedi looked at Rex for a moment before answering.

“I am not leading her on, I wouldn’t do that. (Y/N) is a friend, she knows it as well as I do.”

Relief flooded over Rex. He had to admit, it wasn’t like General Skywalker to lead someone on, and much less like him to cheat on his wife, but to see the two of you so close made him question everything he though he knew about your relationship.

“Rex, I hope you know that you can be honest with me about... well, you and (Y/N).”

The blond took a step back, then another, until his back hit the wall behind him.

“I don’t know what you’re implying. There is no me and (Y/N) - General (Y/L/N), I mean.”

Even though Rex tried to sound convincing a smirk played on Anakin’s lips.

“Of course, Captain. Of course.”

The next couple of days his conversation with Anakin kept replaying in Rex’s head. It kept him from sleeping, haunted his dreams and even distracted him on the battlefield. So much so that it he let a blaster strike his shoulder and was send to the med bay, where he ran right into you.

“Captain, I heard what happened”, you greeted him. “Let me have a look at that shoulder and we’ll get it as good as new again.”

You reached out a hand to his injured shoulder, but without thinking Rex stepped out of the way.

“I’m fine. There are others who need your help more than I do.”

You let your hand fall as your eyebrows knitted together in worry.

“You are my last patient for today, everyone else is already taken care of. Now let me help you, I can see you’re in pain.”

And no matter how much his head protested, his heart made him nod in agreement.

He followed you to one of the few beds that were not occupied and sat down as you gathered any supplies you might need.

“I must admit, it is not like you to get hit”, you said while you opened and closed drawers.

Rex just shrugged. It wasn’t as if he could tell you that he had been distracted because he was jealous of your relationship with Anakin or, worse, that he suspected the General knew about his feelings for you.

You finally finished and turned to Rex.

“You’ll need to take your armor off. And your shirt as well. Even I can’t heal you without actually seeing the wound.”

Once again Rex found himself trying not to blush. He hurried to do as you told him and just a few seconds later he was shirtless.

You moved closer, so close, that he could feel your body heat, even through your robes, and smell your perfume, though now there was also a hint of sweat beneath the sweet scent.

You laid a soft hand on his shoulder, careful not to touch the wound but Rex tensed nonetheless.

“Does it hurt?”, you asked softly.

He shook his head. It didn’t hurt, at least not on his shoulder. But he felt as if his heart was being ripped apart by being so close to you, but not close enough, never close enough.

“It looks worse than it is”, you mumbled more to yourself than Rex. He felt something cold, probably a bit of bacta spray, hitting the wound and a warm, tingly feeling a moment later. Your soft fingers danced over the now closed wound as you applied a bit of salve before placing a plaster on top.

“That should do the trick.”

You stepped back and for a moment Rex could have sworn you were looking up and down his unclad upper half, with a look in your eyes that didn’t speak of medical professionalism. But surely he had to be imagining that, you had spend most of the day patching up his brothers, clones that looked just like him, you had no reason to be checking him out.

“How are you, Rex?”

For the first time in what felt like an eternity he met your eyes. A look of concern was in them, along with a softness he didn’t even know he needed after the rough day he’d had.

“I’m fine.”

With a sigh you sat down next to him just as Rex put his shirt back on. You were careful to keep space between you, but once again Rex could swear he felt heat radiating off of you.

“We both know you’re lying.”

That, right there, was one of the things Rex loved most about you. Others pretended to care or said nice words solely to motivate him in his fight for the republic, but you cared. You seemed to love the 501st like family, more than a Jedi was probably supposed to. And not just Ahsoka and Anakin, the clones as well. You never made any of them feel like they were worth less, you made them feel loved and like they belonged.

“Can you tell because of the force?”, he tried to joke. You, however, remained serious.

“I can tell because I know you. And I know you’ve not been yourself lately. What’s going on?”

He looked down at your hand that has found its way to his thigh. The second his eyes landed on it you removed it and even though he knew it wasn’t possible, Rex thought he could see your cheeks darkening a bit.

“I’ve just been thinking about something General Skywalker recently said. About... me and a girl, a woman. He thinks there’s something going on between us, but that’s rubbish.”

Your eyes glazed over with something that almost looked like sadness, but it might as well have been confusion or just understanding. No matter what you were feeling, you gave Rex a small smile.

“Why would you say that?”

He thought about how he should answer your question honestly without giving away that he was talking about you.

“She’s not really supposed to be in a relationship, due to her... religion. And besides, she’s way too good for me. She’s kind and funny and caring and the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid my eyes upon. And I’m just... well, I mean, why should she choose me even if she could?”

Rex tried his best to avoid your eyes and instead opted for looking at the floor. He knew that you would figure out who he was talking about the moment he looked at you.

You didn’t say anything for a while and Rex almost worried he had scared you away. Perhaps you did know he was talking about you, perhaps you were disappointed or mad or even disgusted.

“Oh Rex”, you finally said. He felt your light touch on the small of his back before your fingers disappeared again, leaving behind a cold that was not there before.

“Anyone would be lucky to have you, and I do mean anyone. You’re all those things you said she is. You’re one of the kindest men I know, you’re funny in your own way, you care so much about your brother, about Anakin and Ahsoka and about me, I hope.”

You stopped for a moment.

“And you’re beautiful as well. Sure, you may look like your brothers, but there is an inner beauty in you as well. You’re one of a kind and anyone who can’t see that doesn’t deserve you anyway.”

Rex couldn’t help himself, after your kind words he just had to look at you. Tears were shining in your eyes and a smile was on your lips.

It took Rex all the courage he had to lay his hand on top of yours, but the way you gripped it tight and stroked it with your thumb made up for the nerves.

“Thank you, (Y/N). That means a lot to me.”

The interaction in the med bay stayed with Rex for weeks on end. He though of it when he needed something to distract him from all the horrors he saw on a daily basis or when he needed to escape from his brothers or General Skywalker for a while. But mostly when he needed to remind himself why he was fighting this war, who he was trying to protect.

“Rex, are you with us?”, General Skywalker asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“Yes, Sir.”

Rex could hear Fives snickering behind him, but he could easily ignore it. Especially when you were standing just a few meters away in between Anakin and Ahsoka.

It was late and General Skywalker was just recapping the latest mission to General Kenobi over the holo. And while Rex did listen with one ear, most of his attention of on you.

Everyone was tired, but you seemed especially so, maybe because using the force to heal the clones, and Anakin as well because he couldn’t go a single battle without an unnecessary injury, took its toll on you. You had one arm around Ahsoka and your head rested on her shoulder as you nodded along with Anakin’s report. It seemed as if you were half asleep in your friend’s embrace, which reminded Rex of the time he had found you sleeping in the General’s lap. Your exhaustion was obvious and all Rex wanted to do that very moment was to wrap you up in a blanket and have you fall asleep in his arms, to make sure no harm could come to you in your most defenseless state.

“Thank you, Anakin. Now everyone get some sleep, especially you, (Y/N)”, Obi-Wan finally said before ending the holo.

Anakin repeated the words to the clones and added that they would have a rare day off tomorrow. He then turned towards the other two Jedi and said something to them in a low voice. You just nodded along, though Rex was sure you were too sleepy to really understand what the General was saying.

“Rex”, Echo said, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “Are you coming or are you gonna keep staring at General (Y/L/N)?”

The Captain turned to his brother, making sure no one had overheard what he’d just said.

“I am not staring. I’m just concerned, she should get some sleep.”

“And you wanna take her to bed?”, Fives chimed in, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Shut up”, Echo said before Rex could.

He couldn’t deny Fives’ words, but right now all he wanted was for you to get a good night’s sleep.

Rex moved his brothers along towards their quarters. But he couldn’t resist to look at you one last time before the door closed behind him.

You and Ahsoka were now in a full embrace and he saw her gently kissing the top of your head. Once again he felt the pang of jealousy at how close you were to anyone but him, how everyone else constantly seemed to be touching or hugging or kissing you and he was too nervous to make any kind of skin to skin contact last longer than half a second.

Anakin stayed true to his word, so the next day the 501st found themselves on some small tropical planet with lush forests, golden sand and a clear blue sea. Everyone was in a good mood, swimming in the cool water, laying in the sun or getting caught up in some shenanigans Rex didn’t bother investigating. Almost everyone that was, General Skywalker seemed miserable. He was sitting under a tall tree on the edge of the beach, careful to stay on the grass and not to touch the sand. Rex had heard rumors that Anakin hated sand more than any separatist, but part of him though that he was just sad there wasn’t enough time off to visit his wife.

“C’mon, Skyguy, you’re missing out on all the fun”, Ahsoka shouted at her master from the edge of the water. A smile made its way to Rex’s lips at how hard she was trying to get everyone to enjoy the day. The smile only grew when his eyes landed on you. You were right next to the Padawan in as little clothing as Rex had ever seen you in. Compared to what many other women wore to the beach it was still incredibly modest, though he supposed Jedi didn’t really own bikinis. Instead you wore a pair of shorts that cut up in the middle of your thigh and a top that showed just a little bit of your stomach and more of your cleavage than he had ever seen. Rex tried his hardest not to stare, he really did, but his eyes were just drawn to your figure.

“I don’t think there’s anything in the Jedi code that forbids sex, just relationships”, Fives said.

Rex hadn’t even noticed his brother sitting down next to him. But he did make an active choice not to reply.

“I think she’d say yes if you asked. Of course you’d have to get over your nerves first”, Fives continued.

This time Rex was about to answer when the sound of your laughter interrupted him. You were surrounded by four of his brothers, all of them stripped down to the trousers of their blacks, who were splashing you with water and tickling you. Another couple troopers were chasing after Ahsoka, probably trying to give her the same treatment, but Rex only had eyes for you.

He knew both Anakin and Ahsoka saw you as a friend, nothing more than a close friend, but he hated that he couldn’t say the same for his brothers. Of course he knew they weren’t trying to anger him, most of them had hopefully not even noticed his attachment to you, but he couldn’t help jealousy rising up in him.

He finally turned back to Fives.

“Did you give them the same speech?”

By now you were no longer playfighting with the clones, instead you had your arms around two of them and watched the others chasing Ahsoka.

“It’s not my fault you get jealous so easily. All I’m saying is that you should talk to her. The worst that could happen is that things stay the same, but maybe if you got laid you’d loosen up every once in a while. And I’m sure she’d be great. Don’t they say the once who seem innocent are the best in bed?”

Sometimes Rex didn’t need words, sometimes a single glare could make even Fives shut his mouth.

For the rest of the day Rex tried to keep his distance from you. With the sun shining in your eyes, a relaxed smile on your lips and more skin than usually showing he didn’t trust himself not to say something he might regret.

It wasn’t until the evening that he saw you again.

Rex walked into the sleeping quarters he shared with his brother, he wanted to get a fresh set of blacks to change into after his shower, but once again he opened a door only to find you curled up next to someone. This time it was Echo and Fives. Each of you was holding a datapad, you and Echo seemed to be reading while Fives was apparently watching some holovideo. You sat in between Echo’s legs, leaning against him with your back pressed to his chest and Fives head was laying in your lap.

After staring at you for a moment Rex decided to make his presence known.

“I hope I’m not interrupting”, he said and could have slapped himself a moment later. Of all the things he could have said, that’s what he had to settle on.

All of you looked up from your respective holopads and Fives even sat up from his place on your lap.

“Rex, I mean Captain, I mean Captain Rex”, you stuttered and this time not even Rex could deny that you were blushing. “You’re not interrupting, at all. In fact, you can join us if you’d like.”

If it weren’t for his brothers Rex would have agreed. He would have ignored how nervous your mere presence made him and how much he shouldn’t want to be near you, but instead he turned around and walked right of the door.

It wasn’t until he was halfway across the ship that he realized that he hadn’t even given you an answer.

Rex hated to admit it, but he missed you terribly. Ever since that day off he barely saw you and when he did you wouldn’t meet his eyes. Even that one time he was send to the med bay you didn’t go near him and Kix took care of his injuries instead. The worst part was that Rex knew it was his fault. No matter how often he told himself that it was for the better, that the two of you would never have worked out, he couldn’t stop the guilt. If he had just acted normal, not so cold, around you you might at least be friends.

It was especially bad when he walked into the med bay after another battle, expecting to at least see you from a distance. Instead he was met with Kix mumbling under his breath and med droids going about their business.

Most of the beds were empty but Rex stepped closer to the ones that were occupied to see which of his brothers were injured and how they were feeling. Just as he made his way to the last bed Kix stepped in front of him.

“Can you take care of her for a moment? General Skywalker is waiting for me to report on the injured and the droids should clean up while I’m gone.”

Rex tried to sneak a peek over his brothers shoulder.

“Is Ahsoka injured? What happened?”

Kix’s face softened as he put a gentle hand on Rex’s shoulder.

“It’s (Y/N)”, he told him.

Within a second Rex was at your bed. You were paler than he’d like, eyes closed in a fitful sleep, hair a mess on the pillow.

“What happened?”

Rex hated how broken his voice sounded, but he hated it even more that he hadn’t even known you were injured, let alone unconscious. How could he not have known? Had he been so focused on keeping his distance or was it because you were avoiding him?

“The General put her in battle last minute, to watch our backs. But no one was watching her’s, she got shot right in the stomach and barely pulled through.”

For a short moment Rex allowed himself to touch your shoulder. You were colder than usual, colder than you were supposed to be.

“I’ll be back soon, all you need to do is stay close in case she wakes up. I simply don’t want her to wake up alone.”

When Kix kissed your forehead none of Rex’s usual jealousy appeared. Maybe it was because Kix, who you spend most of your days with, was like a brother to you, or maybe he finally learned that he had no reason to be jealous.

For a while Rex just stood there and watched you. From time to time his gaze wandered over to the monitor next to your bed that was recording your heartbeat and blood pressure and other medical necessities.

The next time he turned his eyes back to you your own were slowly opening.

“What happened? Where am - Rex? Rex, what are you doing here?”

He didn’t know whether it was the sound of your voice, which told him you were alright more than any machine counting your heartbeat ever could, or the way you said his name, but tears appeared in the corners of his eyes.

“You’re okay. Oh stars, you’re okay.”

He leaned down to brush a strand of hair out of your face. You smiled at him, slowly the colour was returning to your cheeks and a moment later you used the little controller to sit up in your bed.

“I’m more than okay.”

And just like that Rex’s heart stopped for a beat.

“(Y/N), I owe you an apology. I know I’ve been distant and I just want you to know that it’s not your fault. It’s me, I just -”

“I know”, you interrupted him, the smile on your lips turning a bit sadder. “You feel forced by me and you’re right, I should try to keep my distance and that’s what I’ve been trying to do but -”

You stopped and looked around the room.

“Is everyone else asleep?”

Rex was confused, but he nodded. The injured clones had been put to sleep to really recover from their injuries.

“I’ve been trying to keep my distance, but it breaks me. I like cuddling with Anakin, I like when Ahsoka kisses my forehead, I like being hugged by your brothers, but a little brush of your fingers sets off fireworks in me. And I know you don’t like being touched, but touch is my love language. I want the people I love close to me, I want to be touching and hugging and kissing them.”

By now there was not only colour in your cheeks, you were blushing furiously. You lifted a hand to run it through your hair and tried to watch Rex only out of the corner of your eye.

“You don’t have to say anything, I just wanted you to know.”

But you had interpreted Rex’s silence wrong, he wasn’t offended, he was stunned.

“You - You love me?”

He didn’t think it was possible, but you blushed even deeper.

“You really don’t have to say anything, we can still be friends. The last thing I want is to push something on you you don’t want, whether it is a touch or a kiss or even a secret relationship, because I know those can be though. But you deserve to know how I feel about you.”

Before you could say anything else Rex was leaning down and pressing his lips to yours. At first you were too shocked to respond, but you soon melted into the kiss, into his hand on your cheek and the other on your hip. You moved your arms around his neck to pull him even closer.

When you finally let go to catch your breath Rex leaned his forehead against yours.

“I love being touched by you, I love you. But every single touch made me nervous and happy and confused, but every slight brush of fingers was all I thought about for days. And that time in the med bay, when I had injured my shoulder, was like a dream come true.”

You smiled up at Rex, a smile bigger than any he’d seen on you before.

“Can you say that again?”

He mirrored your smile.

“Which part?”

You pecked his lips in a loving kiss.

“You know which part.”

“I love you.”

He pressed a soft kiss to your lips.

“I love you.”

Another kiss.

“I love you too.”

And another kiss.

“I won”, Ahsoka announced with a smile.

Both Anakin and Fives shook their heads.

“No way, he kissed her first!”, the Jedi protested.

“But she did say I love you first”, Kix chimed in.

“Technically Rex said the words first”, Echo added, which earned him eye rolls from the others.

“How about we just make a new bet to see when they tell us they’re together”, Kix suggested.

“I bet you five credits (Y/N) is gonna tell me within a week”, Anakin said with a knowing smirk.

Ahsoksa shook her head. “No way, she’s gonna tell me first. Ten credits.”

Her master smiled.

“Deal!”

#captain rex #captain rex imagine #captain rex x you #captain rex x y/n #captain rex x reader #star wars imagine #star wars self insert #star wars the clone wars #clone wars imagine #clone wars

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imagineyourworld · 3 years

Note

Congrats on 100 followers! May I request Captain Rex with prompt 9 pretty please?? And could you make it a female senator reader?

Hey,

Thank you <3

Love, Charlie

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Rex x Fem!Senator!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of sex, drinking

9. Friends with benefits

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Though you often fell asleep with Rex laying next to you, it was very rare that you woke up in the same position. Granted, it was earlier than you usually woke up and you had worn Rex out the night before, but it was still kinda strange. Still sleepy and wanting to stay in your warm bed for a moment longer you took your time to really look at Rex. Now that he was asleep the worry lines that often decorated his face were gone, replaced by an expression more peaceful than anything you had seen on his face so far. Gently you ran a finger across his jaw, over his cheeks and into his soft hair. It was a gesture you would never allow yourself if Rex were awake, too intimate for the arrangement the two of you had, but you couldn't help yourself. There was just something about Rex that made you want more. At first you had thought it was nothing but lust and desire, which is how the two of you ended up in your room after one of Senator Amidala's parties, but no matter how often the two of you had sex, you always wanted more, not just physically, the emotional bond you shared also grew stronger with every touch, every kiss, everytime he entered your body. Only when Rex began to stir in his sleep did you remove your hand. You got up and threw the robe that always hung on the back of your door over your naked body. As you made your way to the kitchen you found yourself wondering what Rex's favourite breakfast might be. Only then did it occur to you that the two of you had never shared breakfast before, if anything Rex downed a cup of caf while you were still waking up before he left your apartment. While you prepared a cup of caf for him and a cup of tea for you, you considered whether that was simply because he didn't want to invade your morning or if he didn't want to stay. If the latter was the case what you were doing now would be quite awkward, but for some reason you couldn't stop yourself from preparing two bowls of porridge with plenty of fresh fruit and honey and bringing them, as well as the drinks, into the bedroom where Rex was still sleeping. You sat the tray down on a dresser before making your way over to the sleeping Captain. "Rise and shine, sleepy head", you whispered against his lips before pressing a soft kiss to them, you then made your way down his jaw once again, pressing kisses on every inch of skin until Rex finally woke up. "Wha... Is this a dream?", he mumbled while slowly opening his eyes. You shook your head, a small smile playing on your lips. While you adored Rex when he pounded into you or when, like yesterday, he lay on your bed and let you do whatever you wanted, this was a new side of him you were quickly learning to appreciate. "If it is I hope it's a good one." Rex sat up and leaned his back against the headboard, allowing you to see the trail of hickeys and bites you had left on his hips where the blanket had ridden down. "The best, mesh'la." There he went again, calling you a nickname in Mando'a he knew you couldn't understand. It really was unfair, considering he had once made you swear to never look any of the terms up. "I brought you caf", you told him as you set the tray down on his lap before slipping into your side of the bed again. You looked at Rex with a bright smile on your face and a warmth in your cheeks, though both slowly began to fade as you noticed his frown. "Is that not... I'm sorry if I overstepped, it's just that we've never really discussed boundaries and I thought I kinda owed you after wearing you out yesterday", you began to ramble. Rex quickly shook his head, but before your smile could return he placed the tray on your lap and left the bed. Quicker than you would have thought possible he pulled on his underwear and blacks, followed by his armour. "I should go. I'll see you... sometime." Without another word or even a glance at you he left, only after he was long gone did you notice that he didn't even drink his caf.

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"Has anyone told you that you're really cranky tonight?", Cody asked his brother. Instead of answering Rex downed his shot and put the glass back on the table, the motion a bit too rough, which resulted in a low bang and Wolffe and Fox turning to look at him. In retrospect he should have known that this night out with the Commanders wouldn't go well, but they had been asking for ages now and he had been blowing them off to see you instead once too often. "He's right. Maybe you should find that pretty Senator of yours, I'm sure she could help with that", Wolffe said with a suggestive grin. The frown that now appeared on Rex's face could have given the grumpy Commander a run for his money. "I think it might be a little late for that", Fox told the others. "I saw her take Senator Jablish up to her apartment just two days ago, and based on the looks they've been shooting each other they did a lot more than talk about their new trade deal." No matter how hard Rex tried, he couldn't ignore the sting he felt at his brother's words. Of course you were free to do whatever you liked with whomever you liked, but he couldn't help but wonder whether you would have hooked up with someone else if he hadn't left in such a hurry the last time he saw you. Maybe, a hopeful voice in his head whispered, you felt the same as he did, maybe the breakfast had been your way of making a move. Though in that case he would have ruined way more than the chance to have sex with you again, he would have ruined the relationship of his dreams before it even had a chance to begin. "But can you blame her after what Rex did?", Fox continued. The blond suddenly looked up from the drink he had been staring at, his eyes shifted to his brother instead. “What are you talking about?” Fox shook his head at Rex’s question. “I’ve overheard her telling Senator Amidala that you practically ran out on her the one time she tried to make you stay. I guess she figured you weren’t interested.” While Rex took a moment to process this new information, to realize that his hunch had been true and the breakfast actually had been your way of trying to add something more to your relationship, Wolffe raised an eyebrow at Fox’s words. “You overheard? Just how exactly does one overhear something like that?” Fox shrugged, but he didn’t have time to answer before Rex jumped up from his seat next to him and all eyes turned to him. “I... I need to talk to (Y/N)”, he muttered more to himself than the others. Cody, Wolffe and Fox all showed their approval in different ways, through slow nods, sly smirks and raised eyebrows, but Rex didn’t pay attention to that, instead he simply tossed a handful of credits, enough to cover not only his tab but everyone else’s as well, onto the table and hurried out of the clone bar.

-------

You were surprised to hear a knock on your door this late at night, which is why you were extra careful when you pressed the button to the downstairs speaker and asked who it was. “It’s Rex. Please, cyare, I need to talk to you. Please let me in.” To say you were shocked would be an understatement. To be honest, you hadn’t expected to ever hear from Rex again, not after he had hurried out without a proper goodbye. “I... Rex, now might not be the best time”, you said, biting your lip and looking over your shoulder to where Kiile Jablish was sitting. “Please, (Y/N), I really need to talk to you.” Maybe it was because you had never heard your Captain sound like this, or maybe it was because Kiile being there would show him that you didn’t need him, which no matter how often you told yourself that wasn’t true. Whatever the reason, you pressed a button to open the door. Only the blink of an eye later Rex stood in front of your apartment door, slightly out of breath as if he had sprinted up the stairs. He didn’t hesitate to take your hands into his, and though, or maybe because, you felt that a big moment was about to come you gentle removed your hands from his grip and beckoned him inside. You closed the door behind you and the second you turned around you realized the mistake you had made. Kiile was staring at you and Rex, his eyes wide and questions written in them. To be honest, the moment you had laid eyes on Rex you had forgotten that he was even in the room. “Maybe I should... I’m gonna go”, Kiili said as he stood up. He quickly grabbed his coat from the back of your sofa and made his way to the door where you and Rex were still standing side by side. “I’ll see you tomorrow, (Y/N)”, he said, pressed a kiss to your cheek and hurried out of your apartment. Slowly, as if the movement brought him great pain, Rex turned away from the spot Kiili had just been sitting in and faced you. “So it’s true?” You were well aware that Rex could probably read the confusion on your face like a book. “What is?” Rex sighed and motioned for you to sit down on your couch, which you instantly did. Partly because he had asked, but also because your legs were beginning to feel like rubber. Rex followed you, and though he sat down close to you, he kept more distance than he usually did. “Are you sleeping with that Senator?” The confusion vanished from your face and was soon replaced by hurt and anger. How dare he accuse you of replacing him just like that? Even if he didn’t know about your feelings for him, the two of you had been friends long before sex began to be part of your relationship and Rex should know that you didn’t just toss your friends out like that. And secondly, he was the one who had left, even if you were to replace him, it would be his own fault. “No”, was all you said, your tone icy. But Rex didn’t mind that, he reached out to take your hands in his, gently stroking your knuckles before lifting a hand to his lips and pressing a soft kiss on it. “In that case there’s something I need to tell you. (Y/N), cyare, walking out on you was the worst decision I’ve ever made. I didn’t want to, not really, I just did it because... having breakfast with you, breakfast in bed nonetheless, seeing you with your hair still tangled up from sleep and that gorgeous early morning smile you have, I was afraid it would make me think that we were more, that I actually had a change of being with you, of you feeling the same way I do.” You were speechless, but it turned out you didn’t even have to say anything, because after taking a deep breath Rex continued, his voice now a bit more shaky than before. “I love you. I’m sorry it took me so long to say that, but I never thought you might feel the same way, you’re beautiful and smart and funny and the best thing that ever happened to me, I thought, still think to be honest, that there’s no way you feel the same. That’s the whole reason I even agreed to this friends with benefits thing, I thought it was the closest I could get to actually being with you, until my brother told me that the breakfast had been you way of telling me that you wanted more.” You knew it wasn’t the right moment, but you couldn’t help but laugh. How clueless the two of you were, what absolut idiots. With as much love as you could muster you mirrored Rex gesture from earlier by pressing a soft kiss on his hand, a gentle smile playing on your lips. “Rex, you’re an idiot. We’re both idiots. The only reason I ever hooked up with you was because I thought you wouldn’t be interested in more, I’m not strong and badass, I’m not a solider, all I do is talk. But I love you too, I love you so much, my darling.” Without further ado Rex leaned closer, let go of your hands and instead placed his own on your neck and waist to pull you even closer, before finally connecting his lips with yours. The kiss was softer, sweeter, than any the two of you had shared before, though it didn’t take long for it to become more heated. You put everything you could in your kiss, all the love, the longing, the pining and the desire. For a moment you thought that you must be dreaming, that is until Rex moved away a bit to catch his breath and whisper the most beautiful words you have ever heard once more. “I love you”, he whispered, and you didn’t hesitate to echo his words. In fact, you lost count of how many times the two of you spoke those three simple words that night, and every night that followed.

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This turned out to be a bit longer than anticipated, but I hope you don’t mind.

#captain rex x reader #captain rex x you #captain rex x y/n #captain rex imagine #rex x reader #rex x you #rex x y/n #rex imagine

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wolfish-trickster · 3 years

Text

Liar

Part 3

Loki x female!reader

Word count: 1,7K

Warnings: angst, typos, everything sad besides doggo

Tag list:@gaitwae @lucywrites02 @hard-to-be-the-bard @birdgirl90 @laramoonworld @belovedadam @mascaracoffee @serebrum @myworldgoesboomz

Loki felt miserable. If only he knew what would he start with that lie. Why couldn't he tell her Y/N is his cousin or something? She and her golden-fish-like IQ would've believed him. Damn him! Damn him and Tony for making him do this! Why couldn't Stark do it himself! It was his idea afterall!

Loki was lying on a rug in his bedroom. He didn't feel like he deserved the luxury of a warm soft bed. He was looking through photos and selfies of Y/N in his phone. Her happy smile, her arms wrapped around him in a hug in his favourite selfie of you (his wallpaper), her two fingers giving him horns from behind his back and him doing it back to her. He counted, he had only 7 pictures of her in total. 'I should've taken pictures of her more often,' he thought to himself and wiped his eyes to get clearer view. He should've took a picture of her doing the most mundane things. Reading a book, drawing on a windowsill, chatting with someone. She always had this spark in her eyes whenever she talked about some of her interests. He wanted to see that spark again.

Loki caught himself dreaming of you again. 'Let her go,' he told himself. 'It will be better for her and you.'

But he didn't want to get better. Not without her. But he fucked up big time. He apologized. He showed her a proof of his innocense. She chose to put space between you two. And that was okay, right? He's already used to it, right?

His eyes were staring outside the window the whole night, but he wasn't watching anything. He needed them open, for whenever he closed them he saw you. Either crying and screaming like you did few day ago, or sad smile you gave him few hours ago, or your happy grin you have worn what seemed like ages ago.

Sky changed its shades of blue from dark to light. The morning sun made him realize that no, he isn't used to it.

The need to walk to your room was big. But he couldn't. He promised to leave you alone if you wanted. And you did.

So instead he hid in one of the old rooms everyone forgot about and never really used. He needed to be alone.

No one came looking for him yet. The only sign of someone remembering his existence was one message from Tony. Something about the info Loki got from that woman being useless and agents are taking the lead from the Avengers. Good to know he unknowingly destroyed his whole relationship with Y/N for nothing.

When he read those words the first time he wanted to smash the phone on nearest wall, but that meant losing all the pictures with you and he simply couldn't do that.

Loki wandered where where you. If you were safe. Maybe you took your dog out. Or made someone do it, so you didn't have to risk meeting him in the halls. Thought of you still avoiding him sickened him.

His lower back started to ache from sitting in pragraph position for too long. He decided to stretch and walk a little, clear his head. The plan was to go to kitchen, steal something small to eat (not because he was hungry, he needed a distraction) and go back to his secret room. Or the roof. What will came first.

With a glass of water and pockets filled with chocolate he started walking towards the exit.

Suddenly he heard small clawed paws hitting the floor making soft clicking noises. He followed the distand sound to find your little pup, Rex, walking around as if he owned the place. If he was here then you'll be nearby. Loki looked around the room, but besides the small dog and him it was empty.

When the little guy got his sent into his nose, he turned and sprinted towards Loki. He expected the pup to bite him, just like you promise you will train him, and mentally prepared himself for attack of small dull needles on his ankles.

To his surprise Rex started jumping on his leg, trying to reach his hand. When Loki lowered it to his level he started to lick it, his tail wagging wildly. Good to know at least he doesn't hate him.

"Did you escape her and went on an adventure, little guy?" he asked scratching behind his ears. Rex rolled on his belly and silently asked for scratches. Loki was more than happy to provide.

"Well, we can't leave it like that now, can we? She'll be worried sick if she doesn't find you in her room. Like this one time when she couldn't find her favourite plushie from childhood. We turned her whole room upside down just to find it. Later that day she realized she accidentally left it in my bedroom," he smiled sadly at the fond memory. "We laughed a lot afterwards. I fear she'll never laugh in my presence again," he stopped scratching.

Rex sat up and tilted his head at him.

"I know, I know, it's basically my fault. And I understand why she feels like that. Who wouldn't after their best... ex best friend said those things about them. I just wish I could turn back time and change everything."

"And why would you do that?" loki turned around to be met with face of none other than Tony Stark.

"You would never understand," he looked away.

"I'm capable of undertanding a lot of things, don't underestimate me."

Rex found new sent in the room and ran up to Tony. "Aaaw, is he yours? I never thought you'll be a dog person," Tony picked him up and got a good look on him, while Rex was trying to reach his face with his tongue.

"No, he's Y/N's. He must've escaped from her bedroom. Please, take him to her," he started walking away.

"No way, your friend, your problem. I'm already a very busy man even without pets," he put Rex on the floor and gently nudged him towards Loki.

"Here's the thing, I can't. I can't face her. And I am more than sure she doesn't want to face me."

"What happened? Don't tell me it's some petty reason like 'you picked the wrong movie' or 'those flowers don't go with ma vase'."

Loki rolled his eyes and took Rex to his hands. "No. She heard me telling lies to that woman we needed for those informations and now she doesn't trust me. I doubt she ever will."

"Just tell her how it was. How hard can that be?"

"Don't you think I already thought of that? I showed her the video from security cameras yesterday and she still doesn't want to go back to being my friend. And I understand why," he stared deeply into Rex's puppy eyes. As if the little dog felt his sadnes he tried to cuddle up to his chest.

"Then pray tell, cuz I could never understand women's logic."

Loki played with Rex's soft fur. "She knows I'm a great liar. She might think if that was a lie and she couldn't tell, then might be wondering how much of other things I told her were lies," Rex started chewing on Loki's thumb. "The truth is I never told her a single lie. Only that one time when she asked me if I'm smiling because I saw Thor fall down the stairs," he chuckled.

"Then tell her you never lied to her," Tony suggested.

"I can't. She won't believe me. Didn't you hear what I just said?"

"I did. But listen, life is complicated enough already, why making it more miserable by not talking each other's issues out? Just go to her, return her dog and ask to talk to her."

"What if she slams the door in my face just like the last time? Then what genious?"

Tony shrugged. "I don't know. Write her a letter and slide it down her door?"

Loki rolled eyes and started walking in the direction of your bedroom. "Your advices suck," he called behind his back.

Here he was. Standing in front of your door, which was slightly ajar. Explaining how Rex got out. Behind those doors he laughed with you, played games with you, watched movies while cuddling with you. So many pleasant memories. Scarred by the freshest one.

He remembered the fear and panic he felt when you started shouting at him. He remembered every last word you told him. Those kinds of words only left your mouth in his worst nightmares. He never thought he'll hear them in real life.

Tiny bites along his wrist brought him back to present. He didn't know what to do. Should he stand there and wait until you come out? Or should he knock? Call out for you?

His questions got answered sooner than he thought. "What are you doing here?" he heard her voice coming from the opposite end of the hallway.

He quickly looked down at Rex in his arms, the opened doorand realized how it must look to you. "I'm not stealing him, I swear. I found him wandering around the Tower," he held him out to you.

You took him, your fingers brushed his for a moment. You coughed. "Ehm, thank you. For bringing him back, I mean."

"No problem," he stood there awkwardly, hamd behind his back.

He figured you didn't want to say anything more and he took a step to walk around you.

"Hey," you called out.

"Yes?" he asked hopefully, waiting for your next words.

"I...... uhm," you bit your lip nervously.

He saw her wilingness to talk as his chance. "Can I speak with you? About all of what happened? Please?"

You looked up at him, a small relief in your eyes. "Actually, that's what I wanted to ask you."

"Oh, okay," he felt like an awkward teen rather than over century old man.

Both of you stood in the hallway. Until you broke the silence. "Well, do you want to come in?" you pointed at your door.

"Yeah, okay. Why not? Your bedroom is nice for talking," Loki mentally slaped himself across the face for saying such stupidity.

"Yes. I suppose it is," you gave him a small smile and closed the door behind the two of you.

#loki #loki odinson #loki x reader #loki angst #loki x reader angst #rex is a good boi #im still sorry

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the-lady-of-stars · 3 years

Text

In Another Life

Fives x Jedi ! Reader

Requested by: @marvel-starwars-nerd and an anon (I combined your prompts, hope thats okay!) “I don’t want this to end” and “Whatever you do don’t cry, because if you cry I’ll start crying too”

A/N: Sorry in advance, troopers.

A traitor to the Republic. That’s what they’d called him. They had said that Fives was conspiring against them, accusing the Kaminoans of planting chips in the clones’ brains to control them.

The chip, which Fives had broken protocol to remove from Tup, was called an ‘inhibitor chip’ by the Kaminoans. Something to keep them from adopting Fett’s strong will and violence. Fives insisted otherwise, leading you to this very moment on the lower levels of Coruscant.

With Anakin and Rex by your side you slowly edged into the darkened warehouse, calling out for Fives as you went. The lightsaber ignited in your hands was merely standard protocol. You knew that Fives would never hurt you, but the Republic branding him as a dangerous individual meant you had to keep up the act. The excuse of Fives being your boyfriend wasn’t exactly something that could be put on the reports.

The deeper you went into the building, the more you could sense him. The force signiature coming off of Fives was something you would normally bask in and draw peace from, but not today. He radiated nothing but fear, anger and mistrust, still not showing himself to you and your companions. The boys all knew about the relationship between you and Fives. He wasn’t quite the most secretive man in the galaxy, and had the tendency to brag.

Anakin, clearly sensing the pure worry and unease radiating from you, sent you a reasurring look, although it never met his eyes.

“Fives,” you called out, trying to pinpoint his location. “It’s okay, we’re not here to hurt you. Just come out, everything will be okay.”

“Thank you, thank you for trusting me,” Fives’ voice echoed through the crate-filled warehouse, making it hard to figure out where it had come from. The three of you span slowly, trying to catch a glimpse of the rogue trooper. His voice was shaky, the notes wavering in his throat. “Have you come without troops?” He insisted, too nervous to keep his fear hidden.

“We have,” Anakin reassured, voice steady so as not to startle Fives.

“Put down your weapons then!” Fives sounded frantic, like a loth cat cornered by hungry varactyls. You felt your heart twist at the notion that your own boyfriend felt the need to defend himself against you, his brother and his friend.

Anakin, casting aside emotion to stick to military protocol, denied Fives’ request, still slightly on edge about his accusations about the Jedi and the chips.

“Please sir, please- I’m unarmed,” Fives pleaded. You turned to find Rex and Anakin both with expressions of sorrow that matched your own.

With a nod, Anakin sheathed his saber, and Rex set his pistols down on a nearby crate. You copied them, attaching your saber to its hilt at your belt.

“What are we here for, Fives?” Anakin pressed, knowing that every moment they wasted was a moment the Coruscant Guard gained on them, and he knew they wouldn’t be as willing to accomodate.

“I need your help,” he called, desperation thick in his words.

Anakin reassured the trooper that he was here to help, telling Fives that he understood he ‘wasn’t well.’ Clearly, this was the wrong thing to say, as Fives suddenly became upset, voice raising.

“I’m not crazy! Please- just hear what I have to say,” he begged, voice growing clearer, allowing you to pinpoint him behind two stacks of crates.

With one last shared look, the three of you drew closer to Fives’ location. Before you could reach him, Fives entrapped you all in a ray shield, then finally emerged once he knew you couldn’t harm him.

Anakin, knowing this wouldn’t do Fives any good once the Coruscant Guard arrived, slammed his fist against the shield in anger. He already knew how low the chances were for his friend, the Kaminoans were fond of reconditioning for even the slightest misbehaviour, but this would only serve to make things ten times worse.

“I just need you to listen to me,” Fives reassured, raising his empty hands to show that he meant no harm. “Please!” he cried out.

“I’m not really sure we have any other choice!” Anakin snapped, worry for Fives turning into anger due to his lack of control in the situation.

Fives’ voice broke, almost whimpering as he yelled “I was framed- because I know the truth! The truth about a plot- a massive deception!”

Fives’ body was shaking, arms restless as he panicked, pacing fearfully, clutching his head and tensing his fists. He looked wildly overwhelmed, almost in pain at how he couldn’t get anyone to believe him.

“There’s a sinister plot,” he shouted, “in the works, against the Jedi! I have proof of it! I can prove- that everything that I know is true beyond a shadow of a doubt!”

“Fives, please-” you tried to speak calmly but you were nearly in tears over seeing your Fives like this, your voice trembling. His eyes raced from side to side, peeled wide in terror, desperation in every breath he took.

Anakin interrupted you, voice stern. “Show me the evidence.”

Fives dug his fingers back into his head, as though he were trying to rip the thoughts out of his brain. Pink marks crowned his head from the way he was scratching into it.

“The evidence- it’s- it’s in here-” Fives pointed aggressively at his brain, fully aware that the Kaminoans had injected him with something to make him lose his memories before he could speak to the Chancellor. His eyes held nothing but devastation, gleaming with unshed tears and pain. “It’s in all of us!” he recalled, desperately trying to explain, “every clone!”

“What is it?” Rex pushed, trying to extract clear words from his brother.

“Organic chips- built into our genetic code,” Fives said, defeat swallowing up his voice. He leaned exhausted to rest on a stack of crates, pressing his arm and forehead against them. “To make us do whatever someone wants.” Fives felt powerless in that moment. The Republic had always made him feel like a pawn, but this was the first time Fives truly understood what his older brothers meant when they spoke about being nothing but property. What difference could one clone make, especially one who had the entire coruscant guard and a Jedi on the hunt for him. “Even kill the Jedi. It’s all in here-” he repeated in a frenzy, poking his head again and again.

Anakin scowled, not believing Fives’ words. You turned to look at Rex, seeing how upset he looked. He ran his hand over his hair in stress, sending you a dejected look when he caught your gaze.

“Let’s just get you some help first then we can review everything,” Anakin spoke, trying to deescalate the situation. “It’ll be okay, Fives, we’ll sort this out.” Anakin said the words as though nothing major were happening, as if everything was fine.

Fives finally reached his limit, feeling shattered at the lack of understanding.

“You don’t believe me!” he howled.

“Fives,” Rex tried to soothe him, brotherly instinct overwhelming him. “We are listening to you. We only want to help.”

“How do I know you’re not tricking me?” Fives asked rapidly. “How do I know it won’t be a trap?”

You couldn’t stand back and listen any more.

“Fives, please, look at me. You know for a fact that not one of us would lay a finger on you. We all care about you Fives, and we want to hear everything you have to say. I mean it. We’ll listen,” you pleaded with him, pressing one hand up against the ray shield.

Fives shakily stumbled forward, lifting a trembling hand to press it against where yours lay on the other side of the shield. He looked deep into your eyes, the look he gave you making you want to sweep him away and hold him for the rest of your life. You wished more than anything that you could take him away from all of this. Why did it have to be your Fives getting caught up in this mess. If only you could take him to some outer-rim planet where you would never be found, and soothe all of his worries with tender kisses and soft spoken words.

----------------------------

“Princess?”

“Yeah, Fives?”

“You ever thought about after the war?”

“What about it?”

You lay secure on Fives’ chest in your bed, resting your eyes as he swept patterns into the skin of your back.

“What you’d like life to be like, I mean. Like, I d’uno, a family maybe?”

Maybe you were just tired, but you were sure you could detect a hint of hopefulness in his words.

“A family, huh? Yeah, I s’pose have. Is that something you’d like?”

“Y-yeah,” Fives felt himself flush. Get it together, trooper. “W-with you, I mean. Maybe a kid or two if you want. We could have a little house out on Naboo. It could be in the countryside. We could go swimming in the waterfalls. I’m sure General Skywalker could set us up with a place. Get- get married maybe?” Fives subtly wiped his sweaty palms on the sheets, hoping you wouldn’t notice how nervous the proposition made him.

“I’d like that.”

He let out a sigh.

“I’d like that a lot.”

If you had secretly been awake when Fives had whispered “gn’a make you my wife,” he didn’t need to find out.

----------------------------

Fives gasped, thinking about what would happen if the clones were ordered to take out the Jedi. Even the brief thought of him mindlessly shooting you caused him to jolt back. He began to explain how he thought everything linked back to the Chancellor, how every part of his intuition told him to believe it.

“He’s capable of it, I swear to you, General,” he tried to reason with Anakin, but before he could get another word in the Coruscant Guard leapt out from behind some crates, pointing their blasters at Fives.

Calls of “stand down, trooper” and “get on your knees” rang through the building. You watched in horror as Fives turned his gaze to Rex’s abandoned pistols.

“Fives, no- stop!” you screamed, but it was too late.

He lunged for the pistols, clutching one with a yell of “get away from me!”

Then silence, deafening silence. Your vision turned to slow-motion as Commander Fox fired a shot square into Fives’ chest. You felt a cry escape your throat but never heard it, feeling like you were about to faint.

Fives collapsed, hitting the ground in a position which allowed you to see the large short-range blaster shot staining the pure white duraplast of his armour. Rex beat his hands against the barrier, desperatley trying to break through to hold his brother. The second a member of the Guard shot the shield down you fell to your knees at his side, Rex at your side.

“Fives,” you sobbed, tears flowing freely. You reached over to cup his cheek, bringing his gaze to look at you. Fives was dazed, feeling the life force drain from him as he bled out on the duracrete floor. The blood loss began to make him dizzy, his thoughts no longer focused on the conspiracy, turning to you instead. You were crying. His girl was crying and he wasn’t doing anything about it. He’d always hated seeing you cry.

------------------------------------------------

“Hey, Princess, I’m hom- woah, woah, woah-” Fives froze, startled by the image of you curled up in a ball on the floor leaning against your bed while crying your eyes out. He immediately ran over, sliding to his knees by your side. “Hey, what’s the matter?” he cooed, reaching to pull your hands from your eyes. He felt his heart tighten at the sight of your reddened eyes, the tears clinging to your eyelashes. “Oh, shhh,” he soothed, bringing you into his chest as you sobbed wildly. Fives sat and rocked you gently in his arms until your sobs slowed into hiccups and gasps, murmuring sweet nothings tenderly into your ear.

“Feelin’ better?” he spoke softly, punctuating his question with a kiss to your cheek.

“Mmhmm,” you nodded, leaning into his touch as he wiped away your tears.

“That’s my girl. You’re okay, Princess. I’ve got you. I’ll always take care of you I swear. Now, make a promise for me?”

You hummed in agreement, waiting for him to state his promise.

“I need you to promise me that you won’t cry alone ever again. Next time you need to cry, come find me or send me a quick comm and I swear I’ll be right there to hold you. Promise?”

You smiled lovingly, “promise.”

“Thas’ my girl.”

-------------------------------------------------

“H-hey- hey, don’t you go crying on me now, pretty thing. ‘Cos if you cry I’ll start cryin’, you hear me?”

This only made you weep harder, clutching at his shoulder.

“Fives, no, no- don’t do this. Don’t. You’re gonna be okay, you’re gonna be fine. I’m here, Rex is here, we’ve got you,” your voice shook heavily as you barely managed to get the words out between choked sobs.

Fives chuckled after a gasp, shooting a beaming smile in your direction.

“C’mon, you’re a clever girl. You and I both know this is the end of the line for me. I’m not gonna be here too much longer, Princess, but you remember that promise you made me, yeah? When I’m gone, you’re not gonna spend your time cryin’ over me. You’re gonna go find a friend, someone you trust, and cry it out with them so they can look after you. Okay?”

You burst into tears again, unable to respond to him.

“I’ll look after her, vod. I swear it, you have my word. We’ll look after eachother,” Rex choked, tears flowing down his face. He reached over and grasped his brother’s hand tightly, squeezing it in reassurance.

Fives smiled, a look of peace overcoming him at the thought of his girl and his brother looking out for eachother when he wasn’t there to do it himself.

“Thas’ good. Mmm. Good.” Fives blinked, finding the idea of sinking into the darkness more and more tempting every second.

“Fives, no, don’t go. Please- I don’t want this to end. I love you, I love you so much Fives, please don’t leave me!”

Fives mustered up all the energy he had left to grin at you, the cheeky grin that showed off his teeth he’d always give you when he’d make fun of you.

“I love you too, Princess. I always will. I’m sorry I have to go, but I promise I’ll see you again some day. Even in another life, I’ll find you. You’ll always be my girl.”

And with that, Fives slipped away, succumbing to the peace that was sinking into his heart. He’d find you again. In another life.

#fives x reader #arc trooper fives x reader #clone wars imagine #star wars imagine #star wars x reader

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irishseeeker · 3 years

Link

the story of us

summary: Five times Kate Sheffield and Anthony Bridgeton were just friends and one time they were more.

find chapter 1 here or here

find chapter 2 here or here

find chapter 3 here or here

find chapter 4 here or here

---

chapter 5: part 1-I think I’ve seen this film before, and I didn’t like the ending.

Kate was sitting on Anthony’s couch, wearing a dinosaur hat and drinking a glass of wine.

A very normal thing for a twenty five year old to do on a Thursday night.

She had managed to get out of the office at a reasonable seven o’clock tonight, as opposed to her usual nine. Agatha Danbury, her boss and career idol, had pushed her out of the office and told her to go out and have a drink.

She never specified with whom, so a glass of white wine with Newton seemed perfectly acceptable.

She had expected Anthony to be home but he had texted her earlier that he wouldn’t be home until late.

That had become a common occurrence lately. He was definitely avoiding her. He sometimes never came home at all.

The anxiety was clawing at her, she wanted to know where he was and what he was doing but he kept his explanations vague and usually to do with work. More specifically, who he was doing. They had never been too intimate on the details of their sex lives but Kate couldn’t stop herself from wondering. He hadn’t brought anyone home in the two months she had lived here.

Was she in his way? This was his flat, after all. She had long overstayed her welcome and his disappearing act had confirmed that. Anthony would never tell her that, he was too good of a person and he really didn’t understand boundaries. Kate had clearly overstepped his.

Her thoughts had been confirmed when she had found a hotel key on the floor of their bathroom. It was still in its slip, the date written on the paper was only last week. Why would he stay at a hotel fifteen minutes away from his flat?

Kate knew why.

It wasn’t her.

She poured herself another glass of wine.

She was going to miss the flat.

Kate had slowly woven herself into his flat over the past two months. She had her favourite spot on the couch, the corner of the couch with the perfect view of the television. She had her favourite stool at the kitchen counter, where she could watch Anthony cook and feed Newton bits off her place. She knew Anthony’s morning routine so well she knew exactly what time to jump out behind the bathroom door to scare him.

Newton even had a favourite spot, amusingly in Anthony’s favourite armchair. He had spent a few thousand pounds on a gorgeous grey, L shaped sofa that could fit his whole family yet he always sat on the old, brown cracked leather plush armchair. Kate had found out a while ago it had been his dad’s old armchair, Violet had had it refurbished slightly and had given it to Anthony for his birthday this year.

Her first mistake was becoming too comfortable.

It was dangerous. She had let herself fall too deep into her fantasy and the dread of reality was slowly creeping up on her. This wasn’t real life. She was a twenty five year old woman hopelessly in love with her best friend who didn’t feel the same about her. He was letting her stay while she figured it out.

What was wrong with her? Kate had told herself after her first week staying here she would find somewhere to live. She felt guilty, invading Anthony’s space but he really hadn’t seemed to mind. If anything, he was encouraging it. He found something wrong with every single flat Kate had visited until she finally found the perfect one within her budget.

She had always worried that Anthony was lonely here since Simon had left. She knew he had been, he had spent more time at her flat in the last few months than he had since the day she moved in. Anthony was not someone who was used to being alone.

He probably didn’t want her here, he just wanted someone here. She was in the way now and if she stayed here any longer, it was just going to get worse. It felt like Anthony was deliberately avoiding her, he had barely been around lately and when he was, it was like it wasn’t really here. They had their moments, they always would-but something was wrong.

Kate had found excuse after excuse to delay moving out until she had woven a perfect web of her own downfall.

Her second mistake? That was moving in with her best friend who she was desperately in love with.

Kate was still right where she was when she was eighteen years old.

Hopelessly in love with Anthony Bridgerton and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.

It had consumed her. It had become a part of her. She loved him like she took her first breath every morning. She loved him like when she made her first coffee of the morning, with a splash of milk and a tiny bit of sugar. She loved how he texted like he was your grandad, with perfect grammar and punctuation. He still asked her what emojis meant. She loved every single thing about him, even the things that drove her up the wall like his non-existent patience and how he left his plates and mugs always in the sink instead of putting them into the dishwasher.

She just loved Anthony Bridgerton.

Kate had been doing it for eight years and she was so good at it.

It was almost sweet, if it wasn’t so tragic.

It wasn’t logical. It wasn’t practical. Despite him being her best friend, Anthony had always been clear about his stance on relationships. He didn’t do them. He hadn’t since his disastrous one with Siena. Whenever someone mentioned love or marriage, his face would turn into a stony expression and his upper lip would curl in slight disgust.

He didn’t want that.

Kate did, she desperately did-but she wanted it with him.

Her new flat would be ready in two weeks, the owner was still finishing renovations. In two weeks, she would move out of his flat and possibly tell Anthony she was in love with him.

Would the truth set her free? Or would it just cause her to lose Anthony forever?

Kate heard the front door close, snapping her out of her inner hell and it was followed by a few swear words and Anthony muttering under his breath as he walked into the living room.

“Those bloody deathtraps,” Anthony muttered, a scowl on his face as he appeared at the door of the living room. He was talking about her roller skates, she had gone to Hyde Park again with Edwina over the weekend. Kate was absolutely rubbish, but it was fun. “You’re going to break a bone in those things.”

“At least I’ll look cute while doing so.” Kate grinned at him, peeking her head over the top of the couch. She had bought a retro purple pair off Amazon, that reminded her of Grease and the 60s.

Anthony was staring at her with an amused expression, leaning against the wall. Kate knew Anthony’s strange behaviour wasn’t completely because of her. He had been acting strange since he made up with Daphne and Simon.

“Kate?”

“Mm?”

“Why are you wearing a dinosaur hat?”

She had forgotten about the hat two wine glasses ago.

Kate Sheffield, constantly oozing sex appeal.

There was really no explanation. “I have a better question. Why wouldn’t I be wearing a dinosaur hat?”

“Touche.” Anthony chuckled, opening up the fridge and pulling out a beer. He loosened the tie around his neck, unbuttoning the first few buttons of his shirt with one hand as he made his way towards his armchair. He picked up Newton under his arm, who had been happily snoozing on his armchair before Anthony interrupted him.

Anthony sat down, putting Newton back down on his lap. He had long given up fighting Newton for his armchair. It was their armchair now.

Well, it would be for another two weeks.

“I was packing and I found the party bag from Hyacinth’s party,” Kate explained, tipping the cowboy hat on her head that had a Tyrannosaurus Rex’s head coming out of the top of it. Kate didn’t miss the frown on his face when she mentioned packing up her stuff, but she dismissed it. It didn’t mean anything. She threw the spare hat over to him. “Did you really think I wouldn’t have one for you?”

Anthony stared at the hat that had landed on the couch beside him with vague disgust. “There’s not a chance in hell I’m wearing that.”

“Why? It looks like you,” Kate teased, reaching up to pinch the dinosaur’s spotty nose on the top of her head. “Go on. Aw, he’s got your nose.”

Anthony couldn’t help the smile that broke out on his face, as much as he was trying to fight it. It made Kate feel warm, she felt like she hadn’t seen it in a while. This felt good. It felt like them. “Is this how you treat people who give you a roof under your head out of the goodness of their heart? By insulting their good looks?”

“That doesn’t make any sense, though. You gave me a roof under my head.”

Anthony picked up the hat and slammed it onto his head. “I know you find me good looking, Kate. Just admit it.”

Kate chose to ignore the fluttery feeling inside of her stomach and the frustration building up inside of her. He was now flirting with her when he had been acting so off with her for the past two weeks? How was that fair? This wasn’t just them having a laugh. Kate may have feelings for Anthony, but she didn’t delude herself into thinking he was flirting with her when he wasn’t. He had always been a flirt. She was too, usually only with him. She would play it off, like she always did. “Hmm. Maybe to some people.”

Teasing was easier than telling the truth. Kate wasn’t confident he found her good looking, she wasn’t his usual type. In fact, she was the opposite to any girl she had ever seen him with. Kate was so forgettable he had forgotten their kiss.

Kate picked up her phone, taking a few quick pictures of Anthony and then flipping the camera to take a few pictures of her smiling with a disgruntled looking Anthony in the background.

She put the phone down, laughing her arse off and smiling at him very satisfied. “I’ll show them at your wedding.”

“I hope you do.”

There was a moment of silence where they both just stared at each other, his words lingering in the air. His tone wasn’t teasing or sarcastic, it was gritty and left a bitter taste in her mouth. It was also very confusing. Kate had no idea how to respond to him so she just...didn’t. Anthony quickly broke the silence, changing the topic completely.

“That reminds me. I just got back from having a drink with Simon.”

Kate wasn’t expecting that. Kate moved across the couch towards him, pushing herself up onto her knees once she reached him. She lifted her hand to inspect his neatly shaven jaw, she would really find any excuse to touch him. “I don’t see any bruises.”

“Funny.” Anthony said dryly, his eyes following her hand until they locked eyes with hers.

Kate laughed, choking on the intensity of the brief eye contact and fell back onto the couch, taking another sip of her wine. “I know, I’m considering pursuing stand-up comedy full time. What did Simon want?”

Things had improved between Anthony and Simon since they made up at Hyacinth’s birthday party three weeks ago. They were civil and spent time together when they all hung out together, but things weren’t the same and they still had a lot of rebuilding to do. They definitely weren’t back to hanging out together like they did before their fight.

“Simon just told me he’s going to ask Daphne to marry him.”

Kate spat out her wine.

Anthony’s jaw dropped before he quickly jumped out of his armchair, causing Newton to growl at him for waking him up. “Kate, that’s a leather couch!”

Kate spluttered, coughing as the wine she had just choked on continued to tickle her throat. “I’m sorry. Forget the couch. What did you just say?”

Anthony had run into the kitchen to grab paper towels, dabbing at the wet stains on the couch. It was only white wine, so it wouldn’t stain. He also handed her a glass of water, his expression strained as he roughly wiped at the couch. “He told me he was going to propose to Daphne this weekend.”

Kate stared at Anthony as if he had grown another head and an arm on his leg. “Did someone drop him on his head? Daph turned twenty two last week! He’s barely twenty six! I watched him laugh at a video of a dog swimming in a duck costume last week for twenty minutes. He can’t get married.”

Once again, Anthony shrugged. This was the man who had punched his best friend for going near his sister and refused to speak to both of them for two months. He simply shrugged. “Well, he plans to.”

“Why are you so calm?” Kate narrowed her eyes. Anthony was far calm about this. He had punched Simon and ignored him for two months when he had found out about Daphne and him. “Does anyone know Simon’s current whereabouts?”

Anthony’s deadpanned expression made a small smile creep onto Kate’s shocked face. “Seriously, it’s like a comedy night here.”

“Did you kill him?” When the opportunity presented itself, Kate would always wind up Anthony Bridgerton further. She also knew that he was probably feeling extremely frustrated and hurt and was showing a surprising level of self-control, so it wasn’t the worst idea to lighten the mood.

“No,” Anthony said, twisting his nose and mouth into a taunting smile. “But I might kill you.”

“Please, you couldn’t live without me.” Kate retorted with a teasing smile, but the eerie silence that followed quickly killed any amusement in her face. Anthony looked exhausted. Things had been strange between them but the dark bags under his eyes and the deflated look on his face showed Kate something more. She knew Anthony and she knew he was keeping something from her.

“He’s asking her in Paris this weekend,” Anthony explained, focusing on stroking Newton’s fur instead of looking at Kate. “That’s where he’s taking her for her surprise birthday trip. It’s perfect for her. Daph loves Paris.” “How do you feel about it?” Kate asked, caution filling her voice as she carefully observed Anthony. His body language was usually difficult to read and tonight was no exception. She knew he was upset but Anthony kept his walls high and guarded. She could never truly tell what he was feeling, whether it was that he wanted to scream or cry.

Anthony let out a deep sigh. “Would I rather set myself on fire than watch them get married? Yes. Do I think they’re rushing into it and incredibly young? Absolutely. Can I do anything about it? No. It’s their life. I can’t stop them. It doesn’t take a genius to know what I think about it but it’s not my decision to make. I’ll have to support them. I don’t want to fight anymore.”

Kate didn’t know what she would do if Edwina told her she was engaged.She’d probably have a heart attack. She was even younger than Daphne. She would probably drag Edwina back down the aisle, if she even let her get up it first.

“Mum is already planning their engagement party. She’s thrilled, of course. Simon spoke to her before me. Their party is going to be next weekend and then Ben’s gallery opening is the following Saturday.”

Kate nodded, biting her lip as she watched Anthony carefully. “What did he say to you?”

“Firstly, he asked me not to punch him. Then he said Daphne and him had already spoken about it. He wouldn’t propose if it wasn’t something Daphne wanted. He said he loved her so much and that he would always take care of her. He apologized for the timing considering things have only gotten civil again but he just couldn’t wait anymore,” Anthony said, sitting back down in his armchair and letting Newton settle back down in his lap. “He said he didn’t want to wait anymore when he knew Daph was the one. Why would he wait any longer when the love of his life was right in front of him?”

Simon did have a point. It was a difficult point for Kate to swallow but he had a point. Why was she waiting? Fear was becoming an exhausting reason.

In Kate’s opinion, they were far too young and they had only been together for nearly two years. This was Simon’s first serious relationship. It was ludicrous. Yet, it wasn’t her life. Her opinion didn’t matter here. They were taking control of their narrative and doing what was right for them. “Wow,” She murmured, not really knowing what else to say. It was a lot to take in. What happened to the teenager Kate had met eight years ago in Aubrey Hall? When had they all grown up so much? “I know this is probably a stupid question but are you okay?”

Newton stood up in Anthony’s lap, putting his two ginger paws on his chest and nuzzling his face against Anthony’s chest and face. He licked him a few times, which Anthony usually protested about but he was quiet tonight. Newton was trying to hug him. He always comforted Kate like that when she was upset. Newton just knew when something was wrong.

He was an angel, her Newton.

“I’m not really sure.” Anthony said honestly, smiling softly and rolling his eyes as Newton licked his cheek and chin, his paws pushing against Anthony’s chest as he tried to climb up further.

“That’s okay,” Kate gave Anthony a small smile, laughing softly as Anthony pushed Newton up by his bum until the corgi was half sitting on his shoulders and head. “I’ll be here if you need me.”

Anthony gave her a small grateful smile back, managing to get a scrambling Newton off his head and back onto his lap. When Anthony was around, Newton gave him his full attention. Kate didn’t blame the corgi at all. “You always are. Thanks, Kate.”

They exchanged a soft smile but no more words on the topic, despite the feeling that there was so much left unsaid between them.

“I can’t believe Daphne is getting married.”

Edwina zoomed in on the photo on Daphne’s instagram, the large diamond on her finger in front of her and Simon’s beaming faces with a glittering Eiffel Tower in the background. Kate had met up with Daphne for lunch yesterday and she had seen the ring in person, along with the detailed account of every minute of their trip and the proposal.

It was finally the weekend and Kate had spent Saturday morning roller skating-well, mostly falling with a side of skating-around Hyde Park with Edwina. They had gone back to her flat with takeaway kebabs and coffees, where she was staying with her boyfriend until her university term ended. Edwina was going to move back to their family home for the summer and stay with Kate in London when she wanted to, as Kate had decided to get her own flat for the first time.

Sophie was staying with Benedict for the summer, they seemed to be very happy and working through their problems. Since the Bridgertons owned Benedict’s flat, Sophie was insisting on paying for the utilities and groceries to pay her way. They were compromising and moving forward together. Edwina and Sophie were going to look for a flat at the end of the summer before university started, Sophie had finally saved up enough to enroll and start her course to become a teacher.

“Please don’t get any ideas.” Kate said, giving her a concerned look. Kate liked Edwina’s boyfriend Matthew a lot, he was a sweet guy and Edwina was head over heels for him, but they were not ready for marriage. Anthony had been uncharacteristically calm since he had found out about the engagement and it was very unnerving. It wasn’t like Kate could say much about Anthony these days, he was still avoiding her as much as possible. If they were together, it was rarely alone. Even at the flat, he had Hyacinth and Gregory over for a sleepover last night instead of their usual takeaway on Friday night.

Edwina snorted loudly. “As if. Mum only met Matthew last week. I don’t plan on getting married for a very long time.”

“I don’t know if I will ever get married.” It was true. Kate couldn’t see herself with anyone else. She had tried being with someone else and that had ended up in disaster. The cheating wasn’t her fault but her being in love with Anthony before and during her relationship meant it never stood a chance.

It was ridiculous to think about marriage at twenty-five years old when she had so much time and she was still so young. She just couldn’t imagine herself with anyone else.

“Please don’t say that,” Edwina’s voice softened as she spoke, so full of pity it made Kate feel ten times worse than she already did. She felt pathetic and she knew people found her pathetic. Her own sister pitied her. “Whether you want to get married is completely up to you. It’s not because there isn't someone out there for you. There is. You still have so much time, Kate.”

“I have time but I want him. He’s still avoiding me. I’ve barely seen him since Hyacinth’s birthday party. I found another hotel key this morning.” Kate wanted to scream at him, to hide his escapades better and not leave evidence of them out in plain sight where she could come across them. She had absolutely no right to be angry. But she was. She was incredibly hurt. She was doing this to herself. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything to him, as much as she wanted to scream it at him.

“Kate, you’re torturing yourself.”

Kate’s nails tapped against the edge of her mug, the light tapping nose soothing to her ears. The steam from the mug hit her face, but she wasn’t sure that was the reason why she was sweating. “I know, Ed.”

“You could tell him.”

Kate looked up at Edwina, her little sister who was so grown up in front of her. Kate felt like a child, coming to her sister when everything felt like it was falling apart. She felt so out of control, as if something was just on the brink of exploding and there was nothing she could do about it. “I can’t risk it.”

If she told him, she could risk losing him forever. It could break them in a way that could never be fixed. If he didn’t feel the same, her confession would be a shadow lingering over them that they couldn’t break free from.

Kate just dreaded the day he met the right girl that wasn’t her and she would have to stand there and watch.

How could she do that? Watch someone make him happy the way he made her happy? It was such a selfish thought but she couldn’t help it. Sometimes, Kate didn’t think she would be brave enough when the time would come.

Anthony was her best friend. He was her person. He didn’t owe her the love she felt for him. He already loved her in ways unimaginable, his friendship had been one of the best things that had ever happened to her. He had been her friend first and would always be her friend, but life without Anthony was unimaginable and she was doomed to watch him be happy with the perfect girl someday.

Their friendship had been something that Kate thought only existed in books and movies. She was so lucky to have him. She felt so guilty for how she felt, it wasn’t that she wasn’t grateful for what they had. She knew what they had was so special. Kate just wished it was more.

It would have to be enough.

Life with Anthony would always be better than life without him.

Edwina reached towards her with a comforting smile, her hand covering Kate’s hand and her thumb rubbing soothing circles on her wrist. “You can’t keep going on like this either.”

“I know.” Kate mumbled, exhaling loudly as her head fell back against the head of the couch.

“I don’t know how Anthony feels. You don’t know either. You’ll only know if you tell him how you feel. I know he’s your best friend, he’s like your other half. If you really want to know what I think,” Edwina paused before she continued speaking, as if she was debating what she was about to say. “I think he feels the same way about you. I really do. From what I’ve seen, I really do. Friends don’t look at friends the way he looks at you. I’ve never seen anything like it. I don’t think I’m the only one who thinks that either.”

Kate stared at Edwina, completely taken aback. It was the first time someone else, other than herself, had ever acknowledged the idea that Anthony might like her back. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. Anna had said it during their first year of university but Kate didn’t like to think about her. “I just don’t know, Ed. I don’t think he does. I only know how I feel and I just feel suffocated by it. I’m just so scared of the consequences of telling him.”

“Katie,” Edwina said softly, using the nickname for Kate she reserved for emotional moments between them. “I know you sometimes don’t think a lot of yourself, so I’m here to remind you of how wonderful you are. You’re an amazing person. He would be so lucky to be in love with you. I’m so lucky to love you. We’re all so lucky to be loved by you. Okay?”

Kate felt the sore lump forming in her throat, squeezing back the hand Edwina had wrapped around hers. She used her spare hand to brush the fresh tears out of her eyes. She hated crying, but she couldn’t help it. Edwina’s words meant more than Kate could ever express. It was hard to hear them sometimes, especially when Kate struggled to believe they were true. “Thanks, Ed. I love you too.”

“Good. I mean it. Would it really be so bad?” Edwina asked, tilting her head slightly as she nudged Kate’s foot with hers, forcing Kate to look at her. She knew Edwina was right. It had been too long. This had been going on for too long. If there was a chance they could be something, she should take it. “To tell him?”

It would. “I could lose him.”

Edwina didn’t respond for a few moments, the silent seconds suffocating Kate even further. “You already sound lost to me.”

“I know,” Kate said softly, the weight of the truth in her sister’s words making her chest feel tight. She felt lost and she felt stuck. She caught a glimpse of her watch and pushed herself up off the couch, sighing softly. “I better get going. I have to walk shower and get ready for later. We’re going to the Bridgertons later to have dinner to celebrate their engagement. We’re helping Daphne and Simon with their engagement party invitations as well.”

“Kate,” Edwina said, walking Kate to her door and wrapping her arms around her sister, pulling her into a deep hug. Kate didn’t know how much she needed one until it was happening, she pulled Edwina closer. “I only want what’s best for you. I’ll always have your back and support you. I just want you to be happy.”

“I know, Ed. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Oh! I nearly forgot. These are the tickets for Ben’s gallery he gave me for you two,” Kate said, pulling out the envelope and handing it to Edwina with a wink. She didn’t want to be sad anymore. She’d push it away for now. “It starts at seven, black tie. Free booze.”

“Thank you so much,” Edwina said, beaming at Kate as she squeezed the envelope. “Matt is such a fan of Benedict’s instagram, he stalks his instagram all the time. He’s going to be so excited.”

“It’s going to be a good night,” Kate said, pulling on her hoodie and raising her eyebrows at her sister. “Who knows what will happen?”

Later that evening, they were at the Bridgertons to celebrate Daphne and Simon’s engagement. It was the Bridgertons and Sophie, Kate and Simon. Kate felt so full after the feast Violet had prepared she could barely move.

Kate didn’t even protest as Anthony stole bits of her cake off her plate, if she ate anymore she felt like she would burst out of her red dress.

“I don’t understand why we’re posting these out. Haven’t you already emailed invitations?” Eloise asked, a permanent scowl had been glued to her face since Daphne had dragged her to the dining room table after dinner along with Kate, Anthony, Simon, Ben and Sophie to help seal their invitations.

“Yes, but they’ll need these to get into the party,” Daphne said, giving Eloise a look as she carefully tied the pink ribbon around the lace envelope in her hands. “Besides, it’s part of the process. We’ll have these forever. I already have a copy in my wedding book.” Kate had even spent a few moments admiring the large princess cut diamond on Daphne’s finger. It was massive and blinding in the bright lighting.

They had each been given a part of the alphabet from the guest list, which was in alphabetical order and consisted of at least two hundred people. If this was the engagement party list, the wedding was going to be massive.

“How do you know this many people?” Kate was only responsible for the A to Ds and she hadn’t even started the Cs and they had been at this for nearly two hours. The invitations were beautiful, they were on expensive hard paper that was a soft blue. The writing on the invitation was a beautiful cursive font that was sealed in a cream lace envelope, tied with a rose ribbon.

“Well, Daphne is a Bridgerton. Simon is technically a Hastings,” Anthony said, his nose scrunched up in concentration as he tried to loop the pink ribbon around the invitation. Simon had never gone by his father’s name Hastings, he had always gone with his mother’s maiden name. “We’re popular people.”

Anthony shot a glare at Eloise as she muttered wanker under her breath.

“This is only the engagement party. The wedding won’t be until next summer and there’s so much to plan and do in the meantime,” Daphne said, looking frazzled as she tucked her pile of envelopes neatly into the box on the table. “We’re not going to rush anything.”

Anthony and Benedict simultaneously snorted and Sophie and Kate kicked them under the table.

“Speaking of things to do,” Daphne said, standing up and putting her hands on her hip. “Kate.”

“Daphne,” Kate replied, eyeing her warily. Daphne was smiling so widely it almost looked painful, positively beaming at Kate. “Are you okay?”

“I’m perfect,” squealed Daphne, clapping her hands together. Kate shot a confused glance at Anthony, who shrugged back at her with an amused glint in his eyes. “I need you to close your eyes for a second.”

“Okay,” said Kate, closing her eyes hesitantly and lifting her hands up slightly in the air. “If anyone puts anything near my face, or on my face, I will hurt you.”

“Open! Read the envelope!”

There was a loud smack as something was put in front of her, Kate opened up her eyes to see a large hamper in front of her. It was a soft pink, a wooden hamper wrapped in film and topped with a large pink bow. It had an envelope with her name cursively written on the front. She could see an assortment of candles, hand cream, soaps, body lotion, chocolate, sweets, a silk dressing gown and slippers and other things in the hamper. There was also a beautiful bouquet of red tulips. Kate was so confused. “It’s not my birthday.” She said slowly, reaching and opening up the envelope.

>i>Kate,

Will you be my bridesmaid?

Lots of love,

Daphne

“Oh my gosh.” Kate managed to say, words completely failing her as she glanced up at Daphne’s beaming face and back down at the invitation. There was no stopping the wave of emotion that crept up her throat and flooded her eyes as she constantly re-read the words in front of her.

“Oh Kate,” Daphne said softly, one of her hand’s covering her heart as she rested her head on top of Kates, wrapping her arm around her. “Please don’t cry.”

“I’m not crying!” Kate said quickly, keeping her head down to avoid anyone seeing her red, watery eyes but it was definitely too late. She hugged Daphne back, practically clinging to her. This meant so much to her. “It’s hayfever.”

Kate didn’t have to look at Anthony’s smug face to know he was smirking as he spoke. “It’s January.”

Kate turned to Anthony to glare at him. “Eat glass.”

Anthony chuckled softly, nudging Daphne off of Kate and wrapping his arm around her shoulder as she furiously wiped at her eyes. She shoved him off but couldn’t stop the smile breaking out on her face as Anthony smiled down at her.

“Are you sure?” said Kate, looking up finally and meeting Daphne’s warm eyes and beaming face. “I would love to. Thank you so much. This is incredible. This is...so nice. I don’t know what to say. Thank you.”

Kate had never thought for a second she would be asked. She had struggled with making friends for most of her life, it wasn’t that she didn’t have them-she had quite a few. Anthony was the closest friend she had ever had and with him, she had become a part of something that had allowed her to form friendships and relationships with his family that were more than just her connection to Anthony.

It really meant everything.

“Oh, Kate.” Daphne said softly, squeezing her shoulders softly and wiping a tear trailing down her cheek that had escaped her eye. “Of course I want you to be my bridesmaid. It wouldn’t be the same without you.”

She didn’t really know what to say. Her entire life had just been her Dad, Mary and Edwina and friends who had come and gone, and suddenly there was the whole Bridgerton clan who sent her birthday presents and Christmas cards, who invited her over for dinner and texted to meet up or just to catch up.

It was really wonderful to be liked by people like the Bridgertons.

“I’m so happy. I’ve asked everyone now!” Daphne smiled in satisfaction, walking back over to her seat and shooting a smile at Simon, who was gazing at her adoringly. “I’ve asked Fran, you, El, Rebecca, Alana, Tara and Greta. You’re definitely the best reaction I’ve had so far. Some people were less than satisfactory.” Daphne shot a pointed look at Eloise.

“Oh, get over it Daphne,” Eloise grumbled, struggling to tie a ribbon around an envelope. “I said yes, didn’t I?”

“This is all incredible. Thank you so much. These are absolutely beautiful,” said Kate, looking through the hamper in wonder as she picked up everything and smelt it or ate it. “Tulips are my favourite flower.”

Daphne glanced at Anthony, who had been gazing at Kate as she looked through her hamper. He met his sister’s eyes questionably. “Just a lucky guess.” She exchanged a smirk with Simon, who looked down at his stack of envelopes in amusement.

“We’re expected to bring dates?” Eloise asked, looking around the table with an exasperated look as she waved an invitation in the air. It appeared that she only just read the invitations. “Everyone is in a relationship except me. How am I meant to find one of those?”

“By asking someone.” Benedict suggested, slightly mocking his sister who flipped him off.

Eloise scowled. “I don’t like people.”

“I’m sure you’ll find someone,” Anthony said, clearly unimpressed about the thought of his sister bringing someone to the wedding. “The wedding will be after your first year at university. You’ll find someone you can’t shake, as much as you try to.”

Anthony shot a grin at Kate, who stuck her tongue out at him.

“Why don’t you bring Penelope? She’s lovely.” Kate suggested, turning away from Anthony and tying another bow around an envelope. She was nearly on the C part of her list.

“That’s easy for you two to say,” Eloise grumbled, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms. “You two don’t have to worry about a date. Oh! Pen is actually a good idea. She loves romance and all that rubbish.”

Anthony paused trying to tie his ribbon, where he using Kate’s finger to tie the bow. He frowned at Eloise. “Why wouldn’t we?”

“Why wouldn’t you what?”

“Why wouldn’t we have to worry about a date?”

Eloise shrugged, frowning slightly at her brother’s question. “Oh. I presumed you’d be going together.”

“Why would you presume that?” Anthony asked, his tone a little sharper than usual.

“Anthony, stop.” Kate murmured, frowning at his tone of his voice and just his overall demeanor. What the fuck was so offensive about that presumption? It was completely fair. They went to nearly everything together. Every gala, every work event, even two weddings last year.

“Well, you two do everything together, Anthony.” Eloise replied sharply back, a slightly challenging look on her face as a response to her brother’s blunt tone and slight attitude. Kate glanced at Sophie, who widened her eyes slightly before focusing on organizing her stack of envelopes. “What’s your problem?”

“I’ve no problem at all,” Anthony gave her a dry smile, a stone cold look on his face. His phone started to ring, vibrating against the table. “Excuse me. Anthony Bridgerton.” He stood up, walking out of the dining room to take his call.

“What is with him lately?” Eloise asked the table, a disgruntled look on her face as she organized her finished envelopes into Daphne’s box. “He’s been more moody and off than usual.”

It seems like Kate wasn’t the only one who had noticed something was wrong. She caught Benedict’s eye, who shrugged but he glanced at the door where Anthony had disappeared through.

Kate shook it off, but she was internally panicking. She had presumed they would be going to the wedding together. Her dating life had been dead for two months. She hardly bothered anymore, she just didn’t see the point.

They could be an amazing person, but they would never be Anthony.

It was rather pathetic. She knew it was. She needed to cut the final string and tell him how she felt. If he didn’t feel the same, at least she would be free. But how could she? How could she risk losing him forever? She would rather have the parts of him she could have than none of him at all.

Or did she?

Kate wasn’t so sure anymore.

Anthony was gone for longer than expected. Kate had gone to check on him once but he had disappeared into his father’s study, closing the door behind him. He walked back into the room twenty minutes later, clearing his throat to interrupt the small chatter around the table. He looked furious. “Colin has been arrested.”

“Oh my god.”

“What happened?”

“Is he okay?”

“He was arrested for public indecency and public intoxication. He’s fine. We’re going to bail him out now. He’s not going to be charged. It’s been sorted. I’ve told Mum, she’s on her way home.”

“Isn’t he out on a date with Marina?” Sophie asked, raising an eyebrow at Benedict and at the rest of the table. Kate had only met Marina once, who was Colin’s new girlfriend he had met skiing in France over Christmas. He was head over heels in love with her, the first girl according to Anthony he had ever brought home to meet his family.

Daphne shook her head, running a hand through her head and sighing loudly. “I knew there was something off about that Marina girl. Poor Colin.”

“Poor Colin? He’s the one who got himself arrested. I hardly think it’s Marina’s fault. This is Colin we’re talking about,” Eloise said, narrowing her eyes at Daphne. “I love him but he’s a fucking idiot.”

“Eloise!” Daphne exclaimed, gasping at her sister.

Benedict shrugged. “El has a point, Daph. Colin has broken about three bones from jumping off things drunk. Usually half-naked.”

There was a grimace around the table. That was a picture no one wanted to imagine.

Anthony was still standing there, unsettlingly calm and still. His phone was still in his hand, which was slightly shaking. He was staring into nothing as his siblings argued across the table.

“What can I do?” Kate asked in a lower voice, standing up to move beside him. She placed a comforting hand on his upper arm, but there wasn’t much she could do. Colin and Anthony’s relationship had always been complex. They were so close but very different people. This wasn’t a situation that Anthony

Anthony shook his head. “Nothing. It’s okay. Ben and Simon will come with me. We’ll be back soon.”

Kate couldn’t stop the hurt look that flashed across her face as she watched him gesture towards the boys and walk towards the door. Everyone else looked equally confused, mainly because he was asking Simon to come over Kate. Benedict shot Kate a small smile, offering a silent apology before following his brother. Simon quickly kissed Daphne before following them.

Kate sat there as Sophie and Daphne got updates from Ben and Simon. Her phone didn’t buzz once. Colin was okay and he would only have to pay a large fine. He had been with some of his friends who had also been arrested. Anthony had used one of his father’s connections to try to make sure the arrest wouldn’t be on his permanent record and one of Colin’s friends' dad was high in the police force and had made sure it wouldn’t be on any of their records.

It was two hours, at approximately 11pm, when the front door slammed followed by loud voices. They belonged to Anthony, Benedict and Colin.

“That’s not an excuse to throw your life away. You have one and a half years left.” Anthony was shouting at Colin, who stormed in before Anthony and let out an annoyed sigh as he noticed everyone was in the living room waiting for them. Daphne launched herself at Colin, wrapping him in a hug and flicking him in the head at the same time.

“You idiot! I thought you were out with Marina?” Daphne began her interrogation immediately after she had let go of Colin, her relief fading into a frown as she stared at Colin. “What happened? What were you thinking?

“Marina broke up with me,” Colin said, a hurt look splashing over his face and quickly disappearing, being replaced with a hard demeanor. “She was still in love with her ex-boyfriend and she had been seeing him. She dumped me and I met up with the boys afterwards. Things just got out of hand.”

“Oh Col,” Daphne murmured softly, shaking her head and giving him a reassuring smile. “I’m so sorry. It’ll be okay. Are you okay?”

“Colin,” Anthony announced loudly, ignoring the warning look from Violet who was glancing anxiously between Anthony and Colin. “Wants to drop out of university.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard,” Eloise said quickly, staring at Colin with a mixture of shock and outrage. “You have one year left. Isn’t twenty-two sort of young to have a life crisis?”

“Stay out of it Eloise,” Colin barked, glaring at his sister before turning back around to Anthony. “It’s my life. I can do what I want with it.”

“Oh sure you can,” Anthony said, bitterly laughing as he poured himself a whiskey at the bar in the corner of the room. “You’re truly doing such a smashing job.”

“We all need to calm down.” Benedict said, intervening before this heated argument exploded. Anthony and Colin had always clashed heads when it came to Colin’s life decisions. He had been suspended twice during school and had been extremely difficult when it came to going to university. Kate had watched Anthony spend months trying to convince him to go and it had resulted in a lot of stress and arguments.

Sophie, Simon and Kate sort of sunk into the background. They were around the Bridgertons most of the time but this was a family situation they weren’t a part of. It was very uncomfortable to witness.

“We made a deal. You would get your gap year and I’d support you traveling after university, when you finished it. Your marks have been brilliant, Colin. It’s one bloody year. You have to get your degree.”

“Why? Because Dad did?”

“No,” Anthony said sharply, his jaw slightly shaking as he tried to remain calm. He looked like he was about to explode. “Because it’s a privilege. University degrees open up doors and give you opportunities. They give you protection and access to jobs. I have already paid for two years of your degree and now all your hard work is going to go down the drain because you’ve suddenly changed your mind? That’s not happening. You’re getting that degree.”

“I don’t need you to tell me what to do with my life, Anthony.”

“Why did you call me then?”

Colin paused. “What?”

“When you got arrested. Why did you call me?”

Colin stared at him. He didn’t have an answer to that.

“Why didn’t you call Mum? Or Ben? Or Daph? Or one of your friends.”

“Oh, now you’ve got nothing to say?” Anthony let out a high pitched laugh, shaking his head. “I’ll tell you why. You called me because I show up. I’ll sort it out for you. Like I always do. I’m beginning to think that was a big mistake. I honour my commitments. Why can’t you do the same?”

“We can discuss this in the morning when everyone is calmer and not so worked up,” Violet said, finally intervening and smiling calmly at Anthony and Colin. She wanted to stop this fight before it got too far, but it already had. Her tactic of pretending everything was fine was not going to work this time. “We need to all go home and go to bed. The little ones are sleeping and we’re not going to wake them.”

“Why aren’t you doing something?” Anthony asked, staring at his mother in bewilderment. He sounded so heartbroken and lost, almost desperate. “You’re the parent here. He’s about to throw his entire life away.”

“I’m not throwing my entire life away, I’m throwing away the life that you wanted for me. Not what I wanted.” “So what are you going to do then? Travel around for the rest of your life with no qualifications?” Anthony’s words were daggers, pushing Colin further and further over the edge. “With what money, Colin? I won’t give you a penny. You’ve never had a bloody job. You’ve never had any responsibilities. Wake the fuck up. You’re acting like a spoiled little brat.”

“Fuck you,” Colin snapped, Benedict’s hand moving towards his chest to push him away from Anthony. Benedict was in between them, Simon quickly joining him as well. “I’ll figure it out. I don’t need to try to be a carbon copy of Dad to figure out my life. I’m not you, Anthony. Desperately trying to be someone he’ll never be.”

“That’s bang out of order.” Simon snapped, standing up slightly and only stopping himself from moving forward when Daphne put a hand on his chest.

“Colin, that’s too far,” Benedict snapped, glaring at his younger brother with a look that made the hairs on Kate’s arms stand up. She stood up anyway, watching Anthony as his face completely fell. This was his achilles heel. He had been through a similar argument with . Colin knew exactly what he was doing. Bringing up their father was exactly how you hurt Anthony. “You’re not dropping out of university. It’s not an option. We all care about you. You’re hurt and probably still drunk. You’re not thinking rationally.”

“Stop it Colin, that’s not fair,” Daphne said, shaking her head. “I agree with Anthony. He wants what is best for you. We all do.”

“Anthony,” Kate said softly, grabbing her coat and his off the dining room chairs. “I think we should go home. Come on.”

Anthony completely ignored Kate. “What the fuck did you just say?”

Colin didn’t cower down. He stood his ground and stared blankly back at his brother. “I think you heard me.”

Kate couldn’t stop herself from glaring in disgust at Colin. This was too far. Anthony wasn’t being exactly fair, she knew university was something Colin had never been sure about. It wasn’t as if he was completely miserable. He was having the time of his life when he was there. He just was confused and heartbroken and he wanted to run away.

“Do you think I wanted this? Do you think I want to do this?”

It had gone too far and Anthony had finally reached his breaking point.

“I went to the parent teacher meetings. I made your lunches and dinners. I didn’t go on my gap year. You all got to go on your gap years. Do you know how I spent it? I was the one who sorted out Dad’s will. I took care of Mum when she couldn’t get out of bed. I took care of a newborn baby and a two year old. I took care of all of you. I did all that. Have I ever said anything about it? No. I did it because I had no choice. My dad died too.”

There was complete silence in the living room as everyone stared at Anthony’s outburst.

“Anthony.” Violet croaked, staring at her eldest son in disbelief. Violet hadn’t been well for the first few years after Edmund’s death. She had barely gotten out of bed , Anthony had said she was like a ghost. Anthony had really gotten involved in everything to do with his siblings from the moment his father died. He’d had no choice.

Kate knew the pain of losing someone you loved. She missed her father everyday. She couldn’t blame Violet for how she mourned the love of her life but she couldn’t help but resent her for what she forced her eldest son to do because she couldn’t. He had been a child too.

“Go ahead, Mum. Indulge him. It’s what you do best.” Anthony looked at his mother with a look of such disappointment, it was hard to watch. “It’s your life, Colin. Do whatever you want. I’m done.”

“Ant.” Ben pleaded, staring in disbelief at his brother’s outburst. Sophie had her arm around Eloise, who was crying into her shoulder. Anthony shook off Ben’s arm on his shoulder.

Anthony ignored him. “Kate, let’s go home.”

Kate couldn’t stop herself from throwing Colin a disappointed look as she followed Anthony out of the door, shooting the rest of the Bridgertons a sad smile before they walked out of the house. It was a promise to take care of him.

“Please, let me drive.” Kate said softly, slowly wrapping her arms around his hand to take the keys out of his hand. Thankfully, Anthony didn’t protest.

The drive home was completely silent. Kate tried to focus on the road but she couldn’t stop herself from glancing at Anthony in the passenger seat. He just stared straight ahead of him, not uttering a word to her the entire trip.

They entered the flat slowly, the only sound being the door closing and the rattle of the keys as Kate put them in the bowl beside the door. Anthony moved to sit on the couch as Kate made her way into the kitchen, making them both a cup of tea.

“I made you some tea,” She said, keeping voice low as she walked around the couch, anxiously staring at Anthony. She felt so helpless.

Anthony had his face in his hands, bent forward. He was shaking. Newton was pawing at his feet, whimpering slightly as nudged Anthony’s legs with his nose.

Kate blinked a few times before she realized what was happening.

Anthony was crying.

“I’m here.” She whispered, quickly putting the mugs down and sitting beside him, wrapping her arms around him. She pulled his head against her chest, holding him as tight as she could.

His sobs racked through his body, shaking and stuttering.

In the eight year she had known him, she had never seen Anthony cry. This wasn’t just crying. This was nine years of grief, hurt and emotion finally coming to the surface and breaking free.

She held him until he couldn’t cry anymore.

The following morning, Kate got up from the couch where Anthony, Newton and her were watching Ted Lasso when they heard a knock on the door. She had been texting the Bridgertons this morning, assuring them Anthony was doing okay. He was better than he was last night, he just seemed exhausted.

Kate was still reeling from the events of last night. When she opened the door, the last person she expected to see was Colin Bridgerton.

“Kate. Hi.”

Kate fixed him with a hard stare.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

“I’m actually debating whether I should punch you.”

“That’s fair.”

Kate shook her head. “Nothing about last night was fair, Colin. He didn’t deserve that.”

“I know,” He said, his voice wavering slightly as he looked down at the ground. He did look terrible. He hadn’t shaved this morning so there was a light shadow of stubble on his cheeks and dark bags under his eyes. He looked terrible and it made Kate feel slightly better. “I’m trying to fix it. Can I come in?”

“That’s not up to me.”

“It’s okay, Kate.” Her head flicked around to see Anthony standing behind her at the end of the hall. “He can come in.”

Kate stepped aside to let Colin in, closing the door behind him as she watched Colin cautiously walk towards his older brother. Anthony made his way towards the couch and Colin hoovered awkwardly before taking a seat on the opposite end of it.

Kate went to put on the kettle, leaning down to scratch behind Newton’s ears. He had his lead in his hand. It was about time for his walk.

“Can I’ve a cuppa?” Colin asked, glancing cautiously over at Kate and then back at Anthony.

Kate didn’t turn around. “I can’t promise I won’t spit in it.”

“Actually, I’m good.”

“Newton needs to go on his walk anyway,” Kate said, deciding that they probably needed time to talk alone. She was intruding and this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation for either of them. “I’ll leave you two to it. I’ll see you in a bit.”

Anthony turned around to look at her, smiling softly at her and nodding his head. He’d be okay. She grabbed her hoodie off the couch, quickly pulling it on. She smiled back at him before she headed for the door and left the two brothers to figure it out.

“Ready to go?”

“Here, let me help.” Kate said softly, reaching her hands up to fix Anthony’s blue tie. His white shirt was crisp and bright, complimenting the dark navy suit. Daphne’s dress code was anti-black tie, so Kate had gone with a lilac dress that reached her the middle of her knees.

Kate felt something crinkle under his shirt pocket and she raised an eyebrow. “What’s that?”

“Oh,” Anthony said, his cheeks darkening slightly. “It’s for my speech.”

Kate felt herself fall even harder. This man. “You made flashcards.”

“I just want to say the right thing.” He murmured, very flustered. Bless him, Anthony was nervous.

“You will,” Kate said reassuringly, fixing his jacket one last time before she let go. “Just speak from the heart.”

“Let’s go,” He said, his cheeks still slightly pink as he grabbed his keys. “Our uber is downstairs.”

Daphne and Simon’s engagement party was taking place in the ballroom of the Ritz Hotel in London. Their engagement announcement had been posted in the London Times and it had been the topic of the week all over magazines and social media. The party was going to be extravagant. They had an open bar, a three course meal and a live band.

“Oh my god.”

The ballroom was beautiful. Each wooden chair had flowers tied to the back of it, surrounding tables set with golden cutlery with a large rose centerpiece. The tables surrounded the large dancefloor, which had a live band playing on the stage in front of it. Kate could see Benedict and Sophie dancing in the distance.

“Is that an ice sculpture of their initials?” A large ice sculpture of a D and S stood in the middle of the room on a large white table.

“Daph knows how to plan a party,” Anthony said, shrugging as he gazed around the ballroom with a small smile. “Let’s find that open bar.”

It had been a week since his argument with Colin and their conversation the next morning had sorted it out. Anthony didn’t go into too much detail but it had been a very freeing conversation for the both of them. Colin had apologized and he decided he was going to stick with university. Anthony had been good since then. He wasn’t acting distant at all. If anything, he had spent a lot more time with Kate than he needed to.

“A whiskey and a vodka cranberry please,” Anthony said to the bartender, leaning against the bar once they made their way through the crowd after stopping to say hello to various guests. “I still can’t believe this is actually happening.”

She nodded. “I still can’t believe she asked me to be her bridesmaid.”

“I can,” He said it so bluntly, as if it’s obvious. “You’re family, Kate.”

They shared a small smile, that warm feeling fluttering widely inside of her stomach. “You’re my family too.”

“Before you ask,” Kate said, swiftly moving on from their heartfelt moment as it was a little too much to handle at the moment. Emotions made her hot and she couldn’t afford to sweat in this dress. She didn’t want to have to try dry her sweat patches in the bathroom again. “I am not going suit shopping with you.”

“Oh, no problem there,” said Anthony, a devilish smirk on his face. “You’ll be too busy dress shopping with Daphne.”

The smile dropped right off Kate’s face.

They were all sitting at their respective tables later in the evening during dinner. Dessert had been served and it was time for Anthony’s speech. The Bridgertons were at one large table in the centre of the room, along with Kate and Sophie. Gregory was sitting on Kate’s lap, since he had kept flicking peas at Hyacinth during dinner.

Anthony clinked his champagne flute, standing up and clearing his throat. “Hello, everyone. If we haven’t met, I’m Anthony Bridgerton. Brother of the bride and best friend of the groom.” Kate’s eyes flicked towards Simon, whose face broke out into a small smile he tried to contain. “On behalf of my family and Simon and Daphne, I would like to thank you all for joining us to celebrate their engagement.”

There was a loud clatter of hands clapping throughout the room before they faded softly as Anthony continued to speak. “Normally, this would be when the father of the bride would speak. Our father couldn’t be here with us today, so I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”

There was a small ring of laughter around the room with a hint of sadness. Edmund Bridgerton’s absence

“I’ll make this quick as I know everyone is eager to dance and get back to the open bar. I’m incredibly proud to be Daphne’s brother. I’m also incredibly proud to be Simon’s best friend and best man. I’ve watched Daphne grow up and no one can take credit for the incredible woman she has become. I’m eternally grateful I have gotten to witness it.”

“I’ve known Simon since we were eleven years old. I’ve also witnessed Simon growing up, which really only started when he was twenty four years old.” There was another ring of laughter around the room, including Simons. Since Simon had stood up for Anthony during his argument with Colin, things had turned a new leaf with them. He had popped around the flat after Colin had gone to see Anthony. He had been over three times this week alone. It reminded Kate of how it was before.

He had even asked Anthony to be his best man yesterday during a round of golf.

“I’m very happy that you two have found each other. Finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and being brave enough to take that opportunity and hold onto it is a very admirable thing. It’s an incredible thing, to find someone who makes everything make sense.” Anthony cleared his throat, clearly a bit flustered. “I’d like to raise a glass to Daphne and Simon. I wish you both nothing but happiness and love for the rest of your lives. To Daphne and Simon.”

“To Daphne and Simon!” The crowd echoed as everyone raised their glass to the happy couple.

There was a loud round of applause, including Daphne and Simon standing up to hug Anthony after he finished his speech. Kate shot him a wide smile as Hyacinth dragged him onto the dancefloor as the band began to play. He had promised her to dance all evening and it was finally time.

Kate smiled as she watched Anthony dance with Hyacinth on the dancefloor. She was standing on his feet, giggling loudly as Anthony moved her around the dancefloor on his shoes. He also lifted her up, twirling her around.

“You look absolutely gorgeous tonight.”

Kate turned around, slightly startled and smiled as Violet Bridgerton sat down beside her. “Thank you. So do you. This is an incredible party.”

“I can’t believe my baby is getting married,” Violet said softly, smiling at Daphne and Simon dancing and laughing on the dance floor. “It seems like only yesterday she was asking me to tie her shoelaces. Now I’m helping her plan her wedding.”

Kate laughed softly, giving Violet a warm smile. “Please don’t let her put me in a poofy dress.”

Violet laughed loudly, shaking her head. “I promise. It’s the least I could do for you, Kate.”

Kate noticed how Violet’s tone dropped as she spoke and she turned to look at her in confusion.

“I owe you a great deal, Kate. After everything that happened last week,” Violet said, her voice trailing off slightly as she composed herself before continuing. “I truly realized that you have been the person who was there for Anthony like I should have been. I know I failed him. It’s something I will carry with me forever. I can only try to be better. I’m just incredibly grateful that you were there for him in ways I wasn’t.”

Kate opened her mouth to speak but she didn’t know how she could reply to that. She had to say something. “I always will be. You raised a very good person.”

“I’m glad you’re the longest relationship Anthony’s ever had.”

Kate turned to her, puzzled with slightly pink cheeks. “You mean friendship.“

Violet just smiled, a dangerous smile that made Kate anxious, and turned her head back to the dancefloor.

Kate downed her champagne glass in one gulp.

She made eye contact with Anthony across the room, who was now alone as Hyacinth ran off after Gregory outside towards the gardens. Anthony strode towards her, looking incredibly free and handsome in his suit. He extended his hand toward her. “Dance with me, Sheffield. Come on.”

Kate rolled her eyes, slipping her hand into his. “If I must.”

Anthony led her to the dancefloor, where they slowly swayed as the music turned to a slow song. Kate wrapped her arms around his neck, ignoring the intimacy of their current position. “That was quite a speech, Bridgerton.”

“Thank you,” Anthony said, smiling down at her as his hand moved to grip her waist. “I took someone’s advice and spoke from the heart.”

“She sounds really smart.”

“She’s a pain in the arse, actually.”

Kate stuck out her tongue, which only made Anthony laugh harder. “Thank you. It was good advice.”

“Your dad would have been proud. It truly was lovely.”

“Thanks, Kate.” He said softly, leaning his head forward until his chin rested lightly on the top of her head.

They swayed there until the music changed and Anthony begant to twirl her around. They were eventually joined by Edwina, Matthew and the rest of the Bridgertons. Everyone was laughing and dancing the night away.

It was one of the best nights of her life.

All the inner turmoil and anguish she had felt lately wasn’t at the surface for once. She still didn’t know whether she was going to tell Anthony how she felt. She didn’t want to think about it tonight. Anthony was smiling and he seemed to be himself again.

Kate had a feeling things were finally going to get better.

How wrong she was.

Henry Granville, a renowned English artist and owner of London’s famous galleries had contacted Benedict earlier in the year to set up a gallery of his photography in one of his galleries.

Benedict’s instagram fame had caught the attention of Henry, who asked Benedict to show him his portfolios and more of his photographs. They had set up the exhibit together. He had taken Benedict under his wing, he was helping Ben explore painting and improve his skills.

Tonight was the opening night of his photography exhibit in the gallery.

Kate had finally moved into her flat during the week, so scrambling through her boxes to try to find a suitable dress and heels was a challenge but she finally looked presentable by the time Anthony arrived in their Uber to pick her up.

She went with white heels and a long black bodycon dress she wore to meetings with their most expensive clients at work. Art was for posh people, so Kate presumed the dress code was extra-fancy tonight. She wasn’t taking any chances.

Kate was waiting on the path as Anthony and the uber pulled up. She opened up the door, grinning at him and twirling. “Do I look like someone who understands art?”

“Absolutely,” Anthony said, laughing at her as he scooted over to let her climb in. “All you need is an easel and a paintbrush and I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. You look great, by the way.”

Kate blushed slightly, biting her lip. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

“What do you know about art?”

Absolutely piss all. “I know that guy. Leonardo DiCaprio?”

Anthony snorted. “DaVinci.”

“That’s the one.”

They arrived at the gallery, which was already packed as the opening night was in full swing. They made their way through the gallery until they found Benedict, who had a beaming Sophie beside her.

Kate gave her a big hug, grinning at her. “Excuse me. We’re in a gallery and I’m looking at a masterpiece.”

“Oh stop it,” Sophie said, laughing at her as she wrapped her arms around Kate and kissed her cheek. Sophie’s long blonde hair lay in bouncy curls down her back and she was wearing a beautiful silk baby blue dress. “You look absolutely beautiful, Kate.”

“I’m proud of you.” Anthony said, ruffling Benedict’s hair and putting him in a headlock.

Kate reached up to hug him, “It’s amazing. Seriously Ben, well done.”

“Have you been around fully yet?”

Kate shook her head. “No, not yet. We just got here.”

Benedict gave Anthony and Kate a strange look. “I’ll catch up with you two before you get to the last piece. The exhibit starts over there.”

Kate shot Anthony a questioning look but he just shrugged, nodding as he clapped Benedict on the shoulder as they headed towards the

The exhibit was fantastic. The photographs were incredible. It was an exhibit of life. There was a lot from his travels in recent years, from Africa to the Alps. He had pictures of animals from his trip around Africa two years ago. There was a picture of Sophie laughing, with her head tilted back and her wavy hair floating in the air. There was a picture of Anthony, with Hyacinth on his shoulders and Gregory in his arms.

When Kate finally saw the last photo, Benedict’s strange behaviour earlier suddenly made a lot of sense.

It was a picture of them.

It was titled eight years.

It was a large canvas. Every part of the canvas was covered in pictures of them and some faded into the background. They were pictures taken throughout the years, taken by Benedict. They were laughing at each other in most of them, with faces looking at each other and not at the camera.

Kate felt so incredibly overwhelmed. From the look of shock on Anthony’s face that mirrored her own, he hadn’t known about this either. They didn’t say one word to each other. They just stared at the pictures in front of them.

Kate quickly noticed the pictures were in chronological order. The first picture in the top corner of the canvas was when Ben visited Anthony during the second month of university. The two of them were lying on the grass in one of the college’s gardens, a bottle of champagne between them.

It was almost like Ben was trying to tell a story.

Their story.

The story of us.

There were so many pictures. There was another picture of Kate posing with Anthony’s lucky black mallet, after the annual Bridgerton pall mall game, with a sulking Anthony beside her during her first trip to Aubrey Hall. There was another picture of them, with her on his back. It was when they had finished their final exams for the last time, covered in confetti and champagne that their friends had sprayed all over them.

There was a picture of them laughing at each other in their graduation robes. There was another one of them and Newton at a park. There was another of them swinging Hyacinth between them at her birthday party. There was another of them dancing at Simon and Daphne’s engagement party.

“If it isn’t the stars of the hour,” A man said loudly, appearing beside Kate and Anthony and extending his hand. “I would recognize you two anywhere. I’m Henry Granville. It’s a pleasure to meet you. You have a very talented brother, Mr. Bridgerton.”

Kate and Anthony shook his hand warily, both still staring at the picture as they introduced themselves. Benedict and Sophie appeared at his side and the anxious look on Benedict’s face told it all. He glanced warily at Anthony, who hadn’t taken his eyes off the canvas.

“It’s an excellent piece,” Henry said, cheerfully grinning at Kate, Anthony, Benedict and Sophie. “It’s the most popular piece so far. I had to insist Benedict include it in the exhibit.”

“What did you say again was your inspiration behind it?” Henry asked, completely oblivious to the tense atmosphere in their current conversation.

Benedict took a moment before he replied. “The truth.”

Kate didn’t know what was going on. She wasn’t sure what Benedict meant and she really didn’t want to let herself fall into a trap that would end with her feelings hurt. Dreams were dreams and they couldn’t always be indulged. What did he mean by the truth?

“Excuse me.” Anthony said sharply, turning around and practically running away from the conversation.

“It was so nice to meet you.” Kate said, smiling apologetically as she made her way through the crowd, following Anthony’s brown head out towards the emergency exit that led to an ally.

“What was that about?” Kate asked, catching her breath as the cool night air hit her. She wrapped her arms around herself, her coat was in the cloak room inside. “That was really rude, Anthony.”

Anthony stared at her in disbelief, the fine lines on his forehead showing how stressed and tense he was. He looked absolutely furious.

“Did I miss something? Why are you so angry?” Kate didn’t know why she was playing dumb. She knew what the canvas looked like. It didn’t look like they were just friends. It was incredibly intimate and she didn’t think it was okay for Benedict to display them like that. She didn’t care about that at that moment. She didn’t understand why the thought of people perceiving them to be together was so upsetting to Anthony and she wanted to know why. She had to know.

It was finally time to confess.

“He should have asked.”

“Ben?” Yeah, sure. It was an intimate photograph. Kate didn’t really warm to the idea of her pictures being up for so many people to see but she didn’t mind it if it was Benedict’s way of expressing his art. “It’s only a few photos. The one of you, Hyacinth and Gregory is lovely.”

“I’m not talking about the others,” He said harshly, leaning against the brick wall of the gallery building. “That’s the one I have the problem with.”

What was so offensive about it? Kate felt herself getting defensive, not of the bloody pictures but of herself. “It’s just a few pictures, Anthony.”

“Do you not see what was on that canvas?” Anthony asked her, waving his arms in the air. “He’s made it look like we’re together.”

“No he hasn’t,” Kate spluttered, starting to feel incredibly warm despite the freezing January air. “It’s just a canvas of...friendship.”

“Come off it,” Anthony said bitterly, shaking his head in disbelief. “He’s made it out to be one big fucking love story.”

There it was.

He sounded disgusted, as if the thought of them being together was so unfathomable it was sickening. Kate stared at him, feeling an overwhelming sinking feeling in her stomach.

Anthony was pacing back and forth in the ally, the horns and ruckus of London fading into the background. He had pulled his tie off, the blue satin material was hanging loosely around his neck.

“Why are you so upset?” Kate asked, not entirely sure if she was ready for his answer. She was confused and upset about his outburst inside and about how stressed he looked. She knew Anthony more than she knew herself and a pacing, disheveled Anthony meant something was very wrong.

It was the calm before the storm.

”Why aren’t you?” His head snapped to the side to look at her as he finally came to a stop.

“Are we finally doing this then?” Kate’s question hung in the air, the weight of its implications making Kate’s chest tighten painfully.

He let out a deep sigh, their eyes never breaking contact as the meaning of her words sunk into them. He knew what she was asking but he chose to pretend he didn’t. “Doing what, Kate?”

“Being honest.”

“I’m not getting into this with you.” He said, shaking his head as he started to walk away from her. Kate was not letting that happen. He didn’t get to run away. She grabbed his arm, not roughly but firmly enough so he would stop.

The confusion and emotions of the last few weeks was rising to the surface. She didn’t want to stop it. Anthony had been so distant for weeks and then he spent a week back to normal. Now he’s angry with her over a photo? It wasn’t fair.

“I want to know what the hell has been going on with you. I don’t deserve this. You’re meant to be my best friend and up until last week, you were barely speaking to me. We lived together and I never saw you. You were avoiding me. Why?”

Anthony gulped, breaking eye contact as he processed her words. “I wasn’t avoiding you.” That was a pathetic attempt at a lie, especially for Anthony.

“It’s been eight years, Anthony,” Kate said bluntly. “I know by now when you’re lying.”

“Maybe I’ve had things going on, Kate. Things that have nothing to do with you.”

“I’m meant to be your best friend. Why can’t you talk to me about what’s been going on with you? We’ve never done that before. We’ve always told each other everything-”

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Anthony swiftly interrupted her, shaking his head in disbelief. “You want to be honest? Let’s be honest. There’s always been something I can’t talk to you about Kate!” He snapped, finally losing his composure. “There’s always been things we can’t talk to each other about.”

“Like what?”

“You know exactly what I mean. Don’t play dumb.”

“I’m smarter than you, Anthony.” They were glaring furiously at each other, this was an argument like no other they had ever had before. “I just didn’t think you were brave enough to say it. Clearly, I was right.”

It was a challenge and he took the bait.

“Fine then,” He said, his lips in a flat line. “Why didn’t you like Siena?”

Kate hadn’t expected that. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“Why didn’t you like David?” She retorted, raising an eyebrow.

“And I’m not the brave one? Well, let’s see. How long do we have?” Anthony waved his watch in the air. “Should I start with the cheating or him being a complete knob?”

Kate shook her head in disbelief. “I knew you would never take this conversation seriously. Go ahead. We both know you didn’t like him because he was with me. But go ahead. Just avoid talking about your feelings with excuses, sarcasm and insults. How’s that been working out for you?”

“Fine!” She shrieked, waving her hands in the air. “I didn’t like Siena because I liked you, Anthony. I didn’t just like you. I loved you. I was completely and utterly in love with you. No, actually, I am completely and utterly in love with you. I’ve tried everything. I can’t shake it. I can’t shake you. I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep dancing around my feelings for you. I’ve doubted myself for so long, that it wasn’t possible for you to feel the same way. But you haven’t been fair. There’s been so many moments where it wasn’t just me. Friends don’t behave like we do.”

Her confession left them both stunned, the weight of its implications hanging in the air. Anthony stared at her in complete disbelief. He didn’t say anything. The silence turned into a minute as they stood there in that alley, neither of them saying a word.

He wasn’t saying anything. He wasn’t saying it back. He just stared at her with a blank expression.

Kate had to protect herself now.

“I’m sorry the thought of being with me is so hard to stomach, Anthony, but get the fuck over yourself. You’re being incredibly selfish, this is Benedict’s day. I know it’s difficult, but not everything is about you. It’s just a bloody picture.”

“That’s not what I meant,” He started, but scowled. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? That picture is going to make people think we’re together Kate.”

That was it. That was the reason he was so upset. He didn’t love her back. He barely acknowledged that she had just told him she had been in love with him for eight years. He didn’t want people to think they were together. That’s why he was so upset.

Her worst fear had been true all along.

He didn’t love her.

Kate would always hate herself for what she did next but in that moment, she wanted to hurt him as much as he had hurt her.

“Don’t worry Anthony,” She said dryly. “A few pictures with me hanging in a gallery won’t damage your chances of taking home some random girl so you can pretend for a while that you’re not completely fucking miserable.”

“Is that what you really think?” He asked, staring at her in disbelief. “I’m so sorry I’m not perfect, Kate. No one can ever live up to little Miss Perfect Kate Sheffield’s standards. Maybe if you got off your high and mighty pedestal and stopped judging me for a few seconds, you’d realize that at the end of the day, you’re just as fucking alone as I am. I just do something about it.”

“I would hardly call shagging random strangers doing something about it,” Kate snapped back, his words stinging her more than she would let him see. “At least my first instinct isn’t to sleep with anyone in sight because of how empty I am inside.”

“It’s better than staying with a prick for two years who made me fucking miserable. How did that work out for you?”

Kate gasped, as if he had knocked the wind out of her. “Fuck you.”

“I didn’t mean that, I’m sorry,” Anthony said, running his hands through his hair and pulling at it. “Kate. There’s a reason we have never happened. It wasn’t just you who flirted and felt..feel things. We wouldn’t work. We’re too good friends for something to ever happen. I’m not good at relationships. I’d find a way to fuck this up and lose you forever. Look at us now. We’d kill each other. It’s why it was best to forget what happened at my birthday-”

Kate completely froze. “What did you just say?”

Anthony's eyes widened as he stared at her, it dawned on him what he had just admitted.

“That morning,” Kate said slowly, shaking her head in disbelief. “You...you acted like you didn’t remember the kiss. You told me you didn’t remember anything that happened that night.”

Anthony actually looked ashamed. He looked down at the concrete and back up at her, biting his bottom lip. “I thought it was best to forget.”

“That’s so much worse. I...I’ve thought for the past year that you didn’t remember.” Kate looked up at him with horror. “Do I mean that little to you?”

Anthony rapidly shook his head. “Kate, I was protecting our friendship-”

She felt like she was going to get sick. “You’re a coward. How could you just-just pretend nothing happened? What is wrong with you?”

“I didn’t want to risk losing our friendship. What if we didn’t work out? How could we get past that? I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Please, just listen-”

“Fuck your friendship. Do you know how terrible I’ve felt? How stupid I felt? That night meant everything to me, Anthony. I woke up that morning thinking everything that I had wanted was finally going to happen. I...I.” She stopped speaking, the lump in her throat taking over her ability to speak. “I’ve been in love with you since I was eighteen years old.”

He reached his hand out towards her, which she slapped away. “Kate, please-”

“No, you know what,” She said, shaking her head erratically. “You were right the first time. Let’s forget. Actually, let’s just forget this. Let’s forget we were ever friends.”

For the second time in her life, she saw Anthony Bridgerton cry. “You don’t mean that,” He said with a shaky voice, quickly wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “Please, let me explain-”

“I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to do this anymore.” Kate began to stumble back towards the door, wrenching it open. “Forget me. I don’t want to speak to you ever again.”

He didn’t call. Or text.

She nearly did a million times.

It had been exactly nine hours since the gallery and their argument, and it had been the longest nine hours of her life. Newton was with Mary for the week while Kate settled into her flat, so she was all alone. She didn’t want to think about him. She wouldn’t keep replaying their fight in her mind.

Kate had barely gone two days without speaking to Anthony since they’d become friends. Now, it would be forever.

She felt like she was dying, like she had lost this part of herself-and honestly, she had. She had never wanted that kind of love, that kind of need, where a person becomes a part of you. Losing her father had made her never want to feel that pain again.

Her father was gone. Now, so was Anthony.

She still got up and showered the next morning. On Saturdays, she always went roller skating with Edwina. Ed had been at the gallery last night and had tried to speak to Kate as she rushed through to grab her coat and go home. Kate told her she didn’t want to speak about it.

If she did, she would break.

Kate arrived half an hour early at Hyde Park. She had barely slept last night and she needed to get out of her flat before she screamed.

“You are fine. You’re going to skate in the park and forget about him. You’re fine.” She was now talking to herself. Her skating had improved over the past few months, she had even ditched the ugly knee pads Mary had bought her for Christmas. She pulled on her skates and began to skate through Hyde Park, music in her ears, and she only managed to think about Anthony only ever thirty seconds.

“Oh! I’m sorry buddy, I didn’t see you.” Kate said, quickly moving around a Labrador that had run in front of her in the pedestrian lane and stepping into the bike lane.

Kate didn’t see the bike that hit her a few seconds later either.

#the story of us #bridgerton #kate sheffield #anthony bridgerton #kate x anthony #ao3 #fanfiction #my fics #eeeek p2 coming on sunday!#simon basset #daphne bridgerton #benedict bridgerton #ff #edwina sheffield

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teletraan-meets-jarvis · 3 years

Text

Monster - Part 1

AO3 Link

Characters: Commander Fox (Main), Captain Rex, Commander Thorn, Corrie Medic Triage (OC), Anakin Skywalker, Fives.

Summary: Fives' death through the eyes of Commander Fox.

Warnings: 16+, swearing, mentions of death.

Word Count: 1.6k

Click here for Part 2

Author’s Notes: First trip on the angst train folks. I've had this in my head for ages because I wanted to try something that wasn't relationship focused and I'm still not over this whole storyline with the chips, they were so darn close to exposing ol' sheev. Fox deserves some spotlight but i'm very sorry it had to be on this. I have got a part 2 practically written up already but wanted to test the waters with this bit first. Let me know what you think!! Fic below the cutoff :).

The title is from the song Monster by Starset. If you're after some good sci-fi related songs for the feels, Startset is where it's at.

Under the knife I surrendered The innocence yours to consume You cut it away And you filled me up with hate Into the silence you sent me Into the fire consumed You thought I'd forget But it's always in my head

Each step was quiet, calculated as CC-1010 moved into the storage bay. His men following his lead as they prepared to surround their target. General Skywalker was verbally defending the Chancellor from where he was captured in a ray shield. The target was unaware of their presence, time to move in.

Set to stun.

“Stand down, soldier! Get on your knees!” CC-1010 commanded, surrounded by his Shock Troopers. The target looked over at the unattended pistols. “Don’t do it solider.”

“GET AWAY FROM ME!”

“FIVES NO!”

Threat. Eliminate the threat.

Good soldiers, follow orders.

Set to Kill. CC-1010 never missed.

No.

Rex was screaming.

General Skywalker was ordering the Guard to lower the ray shields, not that CC-1010 could hear him over the ringing in his ears.

No.

The Captain was at his ARC-Trooper’s side, cradling his head. The blaster wound a disgusting contrast to the pure, shiny, white plastoid of his armour. The blaster wound that CC- no, that Fox inflicted.

No no no no no no.

The pistol fell from his hands and clattered to the ground as Fox came back to himself, the only sound which could be heard among the silence apart from Rex’s begging to Fives to stay with him.

Fox tore off his helmet. He couldn’t breathe. Fuck. The weight of what he just did crashed into him like a tsunami, threatening to take him down, tear him apart.

He stared at his gloved hands which shook uncontrollably. He tried to stop them but his brain didn’t have control of his body anymore. His men were looking at him, he could feel their gaze tearing into him like a jury to a defendant. Watching as their Commander fell apart.

He fell to his knees. No longer able to support his own body weight alongside the weight of his actions. He’d just killed another clone. One of his own vode. His own flesh and blood. That’d never happened before. Sure there had been traitors before among the clone ranks, but they’d never been executed on site. They’d never been pursued by Fox. Lucky them.

The chancellors’ orders echoed in his ears. “Eliminate the threat, Commander.”

Not bring him in for questioning. Eliminate him. No court hearing, no hearing Fives’ side like Slick and others before him. Just execution. And Fox was his executioner. Fuck he was going to vomit.

“Rex” Fox didn’t realise he was speaking until Rex’s eyes met his over Fives’ lifeless body, which he continued to cradle like his last hopes in this war.

Rex’s eyes were cold as ice, the power behind them attempting to freeze Fox to his very core. He didn’t blame him.

The heartbreak at losing another member of Torrent Company cracking the Captain’s usually unshakeable composure. As it fell apart piece by piece in front of Fox’s eyes, he was left staring at his little brother. His Rex’ika. Distraught, heartbroken, empty. He wanted nothing more than to protect him like back on Kamino, when Rex was a young cadet who feared the thunderstorms of their home planet. But Fox couldn’t protect Rex from this, Fox was the reason behind his brother’s agony, his loss. Fox was the monster.

“I-…” he couldn’t get the words out. He couldn’t explain himself. What could he say? I didn’t have a choice, I had to follow orders? That wasn’t going to fix the hole left in Rex’s heart. For losing Fives and for losing Fox too, because the Commander was sure he was dead to him.

Rex finally pulled his eyes away and it broke Fox’s heart. The Captain looked back down at his friend in his arms, his brother. He brought his forehead forward as he raised Fives’s, meeting him in one final Keldabe as he recited the Mando’a that had become far too familiar for them all. Nu kyr'adyc, shi taab'echaaj'la. He cradled Fives close to his chest and hooked a hand under his legs as he got to his feet.

Rex’s face was stony, emotionless as he carried his fallen brother out of the storage bay. He held himself together as he brushed past the helmet-less Shock Troopers who stood stock still around their shaken Commander. He didn’t even spare Fox a glance. General Skywalker was hot on his Captain’s heels, going to offer support where he could. Just like that they were gone.

“Sir-“ one of the troopers went to place a hand on his Commander’s shoulder.

“Tell the Chancellor it’s done” Fox snapped out, the words tasting like bitter bile in his mouth. He did his best to regain himself as he grabbed his bucket, re-securing it and his emotions behind as strong a wall as he could fortify in his current state. Still shaking hands clasped around the dropped blaster and Fox finally returned to his feet, slightly unsteady.

“Return to base” his orders were flat as they came through the helmet. His soldiers didn’t react for a moment. He looked each of his men over, their shock at watching what happened bared to the world on their faces. He couldn’t take it. “Now.” Finally they nodded and made the move to leave the Gods-forsaken place.

Everything was a blur; people, places, all fading into nothingness behind Fox as he paced back to his office. His safe space. His feet carried him while his mind drifted, almost leaving his body in an attempt to protect himself from the internal horrors that threatened his grasp on reality.

Next he knew he was back in his office, no idea what route he’d taken to get there. The door had barely shut behind him before he stumbled to the small refresher attached and vomited. Choked sobs wracked his body as he emptied his stomach, tears creating salty tracks down his cheeks.

Once his body stopped torturing him, he finally backed away from the toilet and crawled to lean against the ‘fresher wall. His legs sprawled out in front of him as he threw his head back against the cool tiles. The sharp pain from the action doing nothing to bring him back, to distract him from the agony in his mind.

————

“Fox, Fox!! It’s Thorn, are you there?” The heavy gunner shouted from outside, his fists banging on the door demanding entry.

Nothing.

Thorn had heard what had happened, half the Guard already knew by now. Fox had been ordered to execute another clone by the Chancellor. As soon as the confirmation reached his ears, the Commander dropped everything to find his superior. He’d been friends with Fox long enough to know when he was nearing his breaking point, and he knew that this would throw him off the edge of his sanity.

“Kriff, Fox. I’m coming in!” He announced before punching the code in and rushing in to find his friend.

What Thorn found wasn’t pretty. Fox was propped up against the fresher wall, his head covered in a thin sheen of sweat, his amber eyes glassed over as he sobbed. He looked absolutely wrecked.

Thorn dropped to his side and took hold of his hands in an attempt to ground his friend. “Fox, hey Fox, can you hear me?”

Nothing.

“I heard what happened. I need you to come back to us, yeah. Maker, we need you Fox.” That got his attention, Fox’s watery eyes met his, but the Commander wasn’t fully present behind them yet.

“It wasn’t me” Fox choked out in barely a whisper, tears flowing freely again. Thorn moved forward and pulled the Commander into his arms, their armour fitting awkwardly against one another but it was enough. The broken man clung to his brother as he continued to repeat his words in a tear filled mantra against Thorn’s armour.

After what felt like forever, the shudders that tore through Fox’s body eventually died down to something more manageable. Thorn took that as his moment to try and get his Commander sat up again, maybe even get some water in him. He began to pull away slightly so he could look him in the eyes but as soon as he did, Fox started babbling again. At least it was a few more words than before.

“I set the gun to stun, I swear. I don’t know what happened. Once I saw Fives, everything went dark.” He tried to explain with as much coherence as he could. “They’ll never forgive me for this.” Thorn knew who he was talking about, his batch mates. Cody, Wolffe, Bly, Ponds and Gree. Fox had felt that their relationship was strained ever since he joined the Guard and his brothers went out to fight on the front lines. He’d become the cold leader of the Coruscant Elite Guard, he had the ‘cushy desk job’ while they had to watch their men die day in and day out on the battlefield. The sad truth was that they’d never understand the things the Guard had to go through each day. One night after a particularly tough day, he’d listened as Fox admitted that he wished he could provide his men with honourable deaths in battle to save them from their fates within the Guard.

Thorn’s chest felt like a vice as he cradled his friend, trying to absorb some of his pain as if it would help make things a bit easier on him. He’d never seen Fox like this and it was killing him. Why did the Chancellor always place the worst jobs on the Commander, why did he have to keep him so close, right under his thumb ready to make him do the dirty work. Never thinking about the aftermath, because the clones didn’t matter. So long as Fox kept showing up and performing admirably on the surface, the day to day pain and suffering wasn’t of concern to the Republic, least of all to the Grand Chancellor.

“Fox, I’m going to call Triage alright? He’ll know what to do.” Thorn announced softly, not getting much of an acknowledgment for his words as Fox started to drift off in his arms, his body’s exhaustion overtaking him for a blissful moment.

Continue to Part 2

Back to Masterlist

#commander fox #commander thorn #captain rex #fives #anakin skywalker #star wars fanfic #star wars fic #clone wars fanfic #clone wars fic #arc trooper fives #clone wars season 6 #i love you fives #it's still not fair #i will probs write a mini fix it one of these days #coruscant #coruscant guard #corrie guard

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tatooedlaura-blog · 3 years

Text

Little Gems

Hi all ... it’s been awhile ... but i just can’t leave Mulder and Scully alone for long ...

Sorry about that ... the kid has a new baking business she’s running out of our kitchen (she’s 16, btw) ... we COVID-quarantine finished our basement ... I rewrote my entire third novel ... I’ve had things to do :)

Love and hug and enjoy ...

@today-in-fic

&&&&&&&&&&

Little Gems

It was the look that made her stumble on her words, stutter through two syllables, hesitate on the third before rallying to pull herself back to the courtroom. Face flaming hot in an instant, she hid her clenched fists below the wooden barrier and carried on, trooper that she was.

His look.

In the middle of her sentence, she’d looked at him, the quickest of glances to see his encouraging lip twitch or the barest of nods … instead, she’d gotten popping jaw muscle, flaring nostril, and furrowed brow. She’d done her stumble because, without thought to present day for half a second, she’d rewound the past two minutes in her head. What the hell had she done to deserve that pointedly angry look?

For the next 43 minutes, she steamed slowly while her demeanor revealed nothing, back to calm, cool, collected, cadence smooth, sentence structure sound. Finally free, she moved past Mulder, dodging the crowd in the hall and slipping through his fingers as he reached for her arm, elbow, to turn her, yell at her for not saying some theory or other of his that would have gotten the case thrown out but allowed Mulder the righteous indignation of his truth.

“Hang on.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

&&&&&&&&

Continuing through the crowd at a pace not meant for five o’clock on a Thursday afternoon near a Metro station, she didn’t care that he’d driven her there. She didn’t care that her ring of keys was in his pocket. She didn’t care that her stomach needed food, her brain needed a drink, her sweet tooth needed several dozen peanut M&Ms. She did care that she had approximately $10 in her pocket, which was more than enough to get her home and she had no room for anymore cares at the moment.

She always knew that house key tucked and forgotten behind her badge would come in handy.

She would be seeing his ass tomorrow and not a moment sooner.

Mulder, on the other hand, stood there watching her storm away. Not quite sure why she was so angry with herself over a few misspoken words but the set of her shoulders and the way she threw out the ‘see you tomorrow’ told him if he did indeed see or talk to her before tomorrow, he’d possibly and probably walk away with one less appendage, be it finger or more important things.

Watching her until she disappeared into the Metro Station, he noted it contained a Blue Line so, knowing she’d get home via either Foggy Bottom or Rosslyn station, he let her go, knowing she had a key behind her badge and her emergency cash behind that.

His mind wouldn’t let it go, however. She’d been good. Damn good. Until her stumble, which, for reasons unknown to him, had made her angry. She had hesitated on two words, taken a quarter second deeper inhale than usual before she gathered and continued. He highly doubted anyone but himself had noticed but given it was Scully, she probably imagined she’d screwed everything up completely.

He chewed on this as he returned to his car, unhurried because, regardless of if he ran or crawled, he’d still be stuck in some kind of traffic between here and there.

&&&&&&&&

Scully, for her part, hated the crowds in the Metro, disliked strangers pressed this close to her, shuffled together with the unwashed masses of society, tourist and native alike, all collectively tired from their day and frustrated same as she with the swaying train and the endless wait to put on comfortable clothing and take a deep breath.

And it afforded her time to analyze Mulder’s look.

Which is exactly what she did not need at this point in time.

&&&&&&&&&&

Both moved several times during the evening to pick up the phone, find out what the other was thinking but in the end, Mulder fell asleep on his couch, worried about her, and Scully fell asleep on hers, angry at him.

&&&&&&&&&&

He honestly thought the next day would be okay. She would have spent the evening picking apart her testimony and should have, logically, arrived at the conclusion that she’d done nothing to hinder anything. He would be telling her that today when she walked in, deciding at 5:42am, while shaving, that a little reassurance would be an appropriate thing.

She walked in still irritated but hiding it … not so very well ... but well enough to return his greeting and nod when he told her she’d done fine the day before and not to sweat the stumble.

Her mug got set no so gently down on the edge of the desk , tea splashing out the sides.

All right.

Plan B.

Waiting until she’d wiped up the carnage of her very own personal DC Tea Party, he handed her her keys from the day before, “come on. We’re taking the day off.”

With a sigh, “we can’t.”

“After your stellar week with Kersh and Skinner, you deserve diamonds and ice cream. Come on.”

Fuck it. It was Friday. Why not follow? God know, she could just as easily be irritated with him outside as she could be in the confines of the basement.

&&&&&&&&&

“Are you kidding?”

“When is the last time you touristed DC? I mean, like, looked around and went to stuff and stared at it and read the little signs and learned something from what you read on those little signs?”

Another sigh, “it’s been awhile.”

“Then come on.” They walked over to the Mall, then Mulder tuned them to the Museum of Natural History.

Seeing the building and the crowd, “Mulder, it’s going to be packed in there.”

“Not where we’re going.” Up the steps, weaving through throngs in shorts and gym shoes, flipflops and sunglasses, they stood out like a tandem sore thumb, leather heels and barely there hose, Trinity tie knot and tartan pattern socks.

They drew more than a few stares. Thank God he’d left his suit jack behind.

Once they’d dropped the donation fee and flashed badges for guns, he led her past the dinosaur bones and then up to the second floor. Even though she wasn’t exactly happy, she had to ask, “um, you realize you passed the T-Rex, right?”

“He’s not going anywhere, Scully. I’ll see him on the way out.”

She hadn’t been to the second floor since, well, she wasn’t even sure what was on the second floor or if she’d ever been there at all, to be honest. Mulder turned her when they got out of the elevator and before she knew it, she was in a quiet area, glass cases surround her, a few people milling but the majority still downstairs with the bones and fossils.

“There’s nothing like the gem room in the morning.”

She fell in love as she took her first good look around. Minerals and elements and crystals along the walls, lights dimmed in spots, a sign for the Hope Diamond beckoning. Looking up at him, “how long has this been here?”

He laughed, quietly of course, because the area felt akin to a church or other place where silence and low murmurs were preferred over screaming children and echoing chaos, “the building, since around 1910, but the contents,” pretending to do some heavy math, using all his fingers and some of hers just for fun, “longer than that.”

Her crank meter dropped like a rock but some remained, “one day I’ll find you funny.”

Taking her elbow and feeling happy she didn’t jerk away from him, he led her towards the wall, “first, I’m going to take you on a tour of the blue section.”

“Are we dispensing with scientific names today? Will it be the green shiny ones and the square yellow ones and the ones that look like table salt but will kill you instantly if you ever tried to put them on a piece of corn on the cob?”

“One day, I’ll find you funny as well.”

They wandered in somewhat comfortable silence, sharing the oft-comment of ‘this one’s pretty’, ‘this one’s three trillion years old’ …

“Three billion, Mulder.”

“Once you get above a couple million, it’s all just really damn old and doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Are you sure you passed your science classes in high school?”

“Cute girls helped me cheat.”

She didn’t doubt it.

&&&&&&&&

Round about an hour later, while looking intently at the diamonds, Scully finally had to ask, her anger drained away, an empty hole left behind waiting to be filled with some kind of explanation. Standing beside him, hand resting lightly on the edge of the case, she asked in a soft voice, “why did you get angry at me yesterday while I was on the stand?”

What?!

“What?!”

“Right before I humiliated myself by not being able to say the word ‘epiglotal’, I looked at you and you were pissed at me.”

What?!

“God, Scully, no. No. I wasn’t mad at you at all. You were doing great.” He was leaning into her at this point, the intensity radiating off him enough to send world leaders to their knees in fear and her cheeks to warm at his proximity, “I wasn’t mad at you at all, I swear.”

Still quiet, “then what were you mad about?”

Talking at the glass but catching her reflection beside him, he felt like an idiot but didn’t think this was the time to attempt a lie, “um, the little shit paralegal behind me was whispering to his buddy about things he could imagine doing to you if he could get you alone in the closet in the hall for a few minutes.” She stayed silent as he stood there, feeling his stupidity growing in leaps and bounds, until he had to do something. Moving his hand closer, he reached out until he found her pinkie, hooking it with his momentarily, “I didn’t mean for you to see that. I’m sorry I messed things up.”

Sliding her hand out from him a second later, she moved it to his back, running fingers along the indent of his spine, up and down, down and up, stopping to palm his side before letting her arm dangle between them, “it’s okay. I’m just glad you weren’t irritated with me. I should have asked you sooner, I guess, instead of letting things fester in my head.”

Her touch sent his skin buzzing, his hand always on her back, but hers rarely on his, and he knew she felt his quick breath in but both ignored that for now, “just to let you know, I’d have throttled him had we not been sitting in front of that many lawyers and the judge.”

She finally smiled, the left side of her mouth turning up, “I’d have liked to have seen that.”

Going for broke, he moved his hand to her elbow, then slid it down, working his fingers into hers, as he leaned in a second time, a little bit closer, a little bit quieter, “jealousy is an ugly thing, Scully, let me tell you.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about it.” Finally, finally, finally meeting his reflection, “I’m here with you, aren’t I?”

Now warm from head to toe, “since I’ve already showed you the diamonds, how about I go get you that ice cream now?”

“In a few minutes.” Wrapping her free arm around the one holding her hand, she whispered over to him, “I kind of like it here.”

#msr #xfiles fanfic #x-files fanfic #no mama scully but peanut M&Ms so that's something #i miss the smithsonian and dc and travel #diamonds and ice cream #i think i like it here too #My writing

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obwjam · 3 years

Note

ok but old man Rex finding a tiny on the Ghost/Rebel ships and taking them in and caring for them not only because they're vulnerable, but because he used to have a tiny kid during the Clone Wars and last time he wasn't there for them they disappeared, so he's not letting that happen again.

PLEEEEEASE ugh i’ve been sent asks like this before but i love and cherish every single one of them because i just adore old man rex...... so here have some writing :)

------------------------------------------------------

He wouldn’t stop staring at you. You thought you were going insane. Every time you nudged someone to say, ‘Hey, look, I’m not crazy,’ he would immediately look away. The worst part is that when you tried to talk to him, he would stare at the floor and clench his jaw and fail to find his words.

“Ezra? Ezra!”

You reached up to tug a lock of your friend’s hair to get his attention. They called their ship the Ghost, so you referred to them as The Ghost Crew. They had found you on Lothal just a few short weeks ago, smack in the middle of an empty field that you were laboring to trek across -- fleeing the city had been difficult enough as it was. Ezra, understanding the struggle of not having any family, offered you a place on the Ghost until you could find other borrowers to stay with.

But these people didn’t know how to stay out of trouble. You happily supported the rebel cause, but kept your distance from the action. The Clone War had taken too much out of you already. Hera was happy to have some company on the ship, anyway.

“Ow! Hey! What, what is it?” Ezra groaned, rubbing his head gingerly.

“Shh! Look. He’s doing it. Watch, watch!”

Everyone seemed to trust this clone. Fulcrum -- ahem, Ahsoka -- spoke highly of him. He was willing to help and knew a lot about everything. Even Kanan had some respect for him, though he would never admit it.

So why did he act weird only around you?

Ezra tried to discreetly glance at Rex, but Ezra was about as discreet as a Star Destroyer. Rex locked eyes with Ezra, confused, before his gaze wandered down to you. Less confused.

“Eum... this is awkward,” Ezra said, joining in on the staring contest. “I see what you mean now, (Y/n).”

At that, Rex flushed red. He didn’t think he was being obvious, but apparently it was worse than he thought. He swore the more he stared at you, the more you looked like...

“Everything okay in here?”

Kanan was standing in the threshold, wondering what exactly the stand-off was for. He immediately sensed something was off, and when he turned to Rex, the alarm bells were ringing loud.

“We were just leaving,” you spoke up, hoping Ezra would respond quickly.

“Hm? Oh, oh yeah. We’re, uh. We’re leaving now.”

You rolled your eyes but grabbed on tight as Ezra spun on his heels and headed back up to his bunk. He still wasn’t very in tune with the Force, but even he could feel your apprehension.

Rex sighed. He couldn’t keep flubbing like this. He was a grown man. A very grown man. He made a mistake; one among many. He didn’t need to keep beating himself up about it. There was nothing he could do to change it. Maybe that was the worst part.

“He’s really been doing that the whole time?” Ezra asked, scooping you up off his shoulder and placing you on the bedside table as he flopped down on his bed.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” you sighed, exasperated. “I don’t get it. It’s like he has it out for me.”

“Do you think he’s gonna do something? Like, kidnap you and turn you in to the Empire?”

“Ezra... I don’t think he’s secretly Empire.”

“Well, maybe borrowers are highly valuable to some Imperial general! Maybe Rex just wants some extra credits.”

“You’re really not helping right now.”

“Okay, sorry, sorry.” Ezra looked over at you slumped over with your head in your hands. He frowned. “Why don’t you ask him?”

“Ask him? Are you crazy?”

Ezra shrugged. “I mean, it couldn’t hurt, right? If you don’t think he’s bad.”

You opened your mouth to say something, but found you didn’t actually have a counterargument. Sometimes Ezra stumbled his way into a half-decent idea.

Rex wasn’t in the mood to deal with Kanan scolding him for no good reason, so he quickly retreated back to the guest quarters that he called home on the Ghost. Maybe he should just go back to Seelos. Maybe getting involved in this rebellion was a bad idea. Maybe--

“Um. Rex?”

Rex froze. He looked up toward the door, wondering if maybe he was just hearing things, before realizing who exactly was speaking to him. Almost afraid, his eyes flickered to the ground.

“Oh. H-hi, (Y/n),” Rex stuttered. His face had gone cold.

“Can I...?” you asked, jerking your head forward and trying to keep your cool. Rex was sitting, but you rarely liked to walk around by yourself on the Ghost. Looking up at everyone and everything made you sweat.

“Oh, yeah, yeah,” Rex nodded, weakly gesturing for you to come in. “Why are -- what’re you doing here?”

“I, uh. I wanted to -- just ask you something. If that’s okay.”

“Of course, kiddo,” Rex said, suddenly grimacing when he let that nickname slip. “Do you, uh, do you need me to...” He glanced to his hand resting on his knee. You nodded awkwardly and took a small step backward as Rex took a knee and placed his hand in front of you. The silence was deafening in the several seconds it took for him to bring you from the floor up to the table.

Once back on solid ground, you shuffled your feet, barely able look at the very person you were supposed to be speaking to. You didn’t think this would be easy, but you couldn’t even find a word to grab onto and vocalize.

“Is... everything alright?” Rex knew why you were here, but someone needed to say something.

You pursed your lips. Here goes nothing. “I... I’m sorry,” you started. Rex raised an eyebrow. “I’m sorry if I did something wrong, or -- or if I said something stupid to make you mad. Ezra and I, we like to joke around, I swear, we didn’t mean anything by it--”

“Stop.”

You froze. Great, now he’s really mad.

Rex was wringing his hands, having just as much trouble finding the right thing to say as you were. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’ve been acting strange, and you deserve an explanation why.” He stole a glance at you. You were just waiting.

Rex sighed, his breath quivering slightly. Here goes nothing. “Believe it or not, you’re not the first borrower I’ve met. Back during the war, I knew... well, let’s just call them a friend. Found them rummaging through camp on some backwater planet. They were scared, and -- and had nowhere to go. So we took ‘em in -- me and the boys in the 501st. It took ‘em a while. They were really frightened to be around us and it took forever to get their trust. But we were inseparable.” He laughed faintly at some old memory. “The kid was always getting into some kind of trouble. Drove Dogma crazy. I think Echo and Fives encouraged ‘em to mess around, just to make him mad. Huh, annoyed me too. But I couldn’t get mad at them.” Rex shivered and closed his eyes. Why was it so cold in here now? “I... I don’t remember exactly where we were. Some ice planet, it was horrible. Cody wanted to see me, and they didn’t want to be left alone. I shouldn’t have let them come... but they insisted. I thought I had them... no, I know I had them with me. But it was windy, and the snow was blinding. We looked everywhere for them. I swear we scanned the entire planet. But the blizzard was so bad I couldn’t even retrace my steps. Felt like I was walking in damn circles, calling their name until I lost my voice...”

Rex trailed off. He was completely out of words. He had used up all his energy, and all he could focus on right now was breathing.

You could barely process what you just heard. It was all eerily familiar. “Rex...” you started. You needed to take a breath of your own. “I’m--”

Rex cut you off. “You don’t need to say anything. It’s okay. You just... well, you just remind me so much of them.”

Your heart skipped a beat. You weren’t expecting that.

“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have -- I’m sorry.”

“Rex. You don’t need to apologize. It’s okay.” You didn’t entirely mean that, but it’s what he needed to hear. It took a lot to admit what he did, and you knew it.

Rex sniffed a laugh. “It’s really not okay, but, thanks.”

You sighed. Rex’s hand, which was now resting on the table, was shaking ever so slightly. Once you took the first step, it was easy. You shuffled over to Rex’s hand and placed your own on his finger. Rex flinched and looked down in surprise. Slowly, his hand stopped shaking.

“You’re not the first clone I’ve ever met, either. I’ve lost a lot of people, and’ve had a lot of people lose me. It’s... normal. I’ve never really had a place to call home. Can’t even remember how I got to Lothal.” You took a breath. “I guess what I’m trying to say is... your friend was really, really lucky to have you. It’s rare for borrowers to find people to care about us. That kind of friendship, no matter how short, is worth a lifetime of happiness.”

You felt a spray of water hit your arm, and you looked up. Rex had let a tear fall.

“Thanks, kid. That... really means a lot.”

Rex forced a smile down to you, but there was a hint of relief to it. You beamed back up. He kept staring. You laughed nervously.

“What?”

Rex shook his head. “Nothing. I-it’s nothing.”

“Hey, if you just told me that, you can tell me anything,” you joked, trying to lighten the mood. Rex just grimaced. “Just say it. It’s okay. I promise.”

“Well...” Rex wiped his eyes. “Hera was telling me they were trying to find a home for you.”

You nodded curiously. “Yeah. The Ghost crew has been really nice to me, but I can’t be in the middle of all this action. Not again. We’re just trying to find a nice, quiet planet.”

“I... don’t want to impose. And you can say no. But me and a couple of old friends have retrofitted an old AT-TE on Seelos, way out in the Outer Rim. That’s where I was before Ahsoka asked me to help out the crew here. But I’m too old for all this action... I’ll help where I can, but--”

“--are you asking me to go back with you?”

Rex’s face flushed red. “Y-yeah. That’s exactly what I’m asking. It’s real remote. You’d be safe.”

Still leaning against Rex’s hand, you looked down at your shoes as you thought over his proposal. You really liked the Ghost crew. They were nothing but kind to you, barely ever making you feel like you were small. But even though it had only been a couple weeks, it felt like there was no safe world in the galaxy, and definitely no world the Ghost could travel to without being followed.

And as weird as it was, there was something endearing about Rex. He was different than any clone you had ever met. They weren’t exactly known for their emotional vulnerability, but Rex had shared with you a story you suspect he hadn’t told to anyone in decades. That counted for something. A lot of somethings, actually.

“Yeah.”

Rex paused for a moment and blinked. “What?”

“I’m taking you up on your offer,” you smiled. “I’ll go to Seelos with you.”

“You... you’re serious?”

You nodded with a small smirk. “I’m done running and hiding. I just... want to relax.”

“I’m serious, you don’t have to say yes--”

“--I am serious! I said yes! So don’t make me change my mind.”

For the first time in a while, Rex let out a genuine laugh. “Okay, okay.”

You only got a moment to bask in this newfound feeling of content when Sabine came running into the room.

“Rex, we’re leaving! Kanan and Ezra are waiting in the Phantom!”

“Be right there,” he called out. Sabine left without even noticing you were there.

Rex gently shook you off his hand and flipped it over, allowing you to situate yourself in his palm. “You want me to bring you back to Hera?”

You thought for a moment. “Why don’t I tag along with you this time? Someone needs to keep the Phantom warm while you’re away.”

Rex didn’t say anything, but found himself grinning as he stood up, grabbed his helmet and made his way to the shuttle. This was a good start.

#i realize that this isnt even exactly what the ask was saying #but this is where my mind went lol #i have so much love for old man rex it's not even fair #he deserves to relax!#i know rebels is a love it or hate it kinda thing but it has some of the best g/t potential #will jump on the opportunity to capitalize on it #star wars g/t #g/t #obwrites

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kill-the-feels · 3 years

Note

Me again! I just love your writing and idk if I can request two if not it’s ok just ignore this, but can you write one for either Kix or Rex where there’s a lot I mean A LOT of tension between them x reader. They lowkey like each other but won’t even think about doing anything about it bc of regulations/rules. All other clones know and they always tease them. Maybe they do something to get them to confess both their feelings to one another? Maybe some angst and fluff and slow burn? Thank you sooo much

First, I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get to this!! I adore this prompt and it was so fun to write!! (Also, I hope you won’t mind, but I picked Kix! ;) )

warnings: description of injuries, blood mention, angst, some language, a little, tiny bit of steam

word count: ~1.5k

~~~

You suppose it starts out as little touches. Lingering glances and glancing brushes that feel like heavy blows in their aftermath.

It’s the way you swear Kix has a speck of dirt on his shoulder, right below the lurid red medic symbol. The way your hand lingers there for just half a beat too long, cupping the plastoid armor.

Or the way he moves around you, with his hand coming up to rest on your hip just long enough to move past, in a way that would annoy you to hell if it were anyone but him.

Perhaps it’s the way you high five him one day, after he regales you with the story of finally getting the infamous Captain Rex to get some rest. You intend the gesture to be be funny, but then you make contact with his hand and then the two of you just sort of… pause there, fingers splayed out against each other.

Totally normal way of high fiving someone.

It might even be in the way he sits just slightly too close, so that his hand accidentally grazes your thigh when he moves it from his lap to the table.

Once is an accident, twice is suspicious, but five times?

That can’t be a coincidence.

It graduates from there, as all things do. Little touches become longer, excused as necessary even though you both know everyone sees through your shit.

Maybe it’s when Fives walks in on you two sleeping, your head on Kix’s shoulder and his head resting on yours.

He teases Kix so hard, you want to cringe into the floor, even as Kix explains you both just “fell asleep.” Fives rolls his eyes as he leaves.

“Yeah, and I’m blind,” he mutters giving you in particular a knowing look.

Or maybe it’s when you fall and hit your head, not hard enough to cause permanent damage, but hard enough that Kix insists you let him check it out.

You sit in the medbay and watch him move around. If there’s just a bit more urgency in his step, neither of you comment on it. He clicks on a little light.

“Follow this with only your eyes,” he says. Maybe you hit your head a little harder than you thought, because you move your head after the light two different times.

Frustrated, he takes hold of your chin, keeping your head in place with one hand and moving the light with the other.

“Your eyes,” he says slowly, enunciating each word in a way that leaves you focusing on his lips.

“Eyes,” you hear yourself echo faintly.

He leans in while he studies your pupils, titling your face up just slightly. Makes sense, you reason, seeing as you’re sitting down and he’s standing over you.

“Gross, Kix, not in the medbay!” It’s his brother Jesse, making fake gagging noises. Kix jumps and lets go of you like he’s been burned.

“We’re not together.” He says it easily enough, but you don’t miss the glance back over his shoulder.

The longing that’s getting harder and harder to deny.

Were it not for rules, you two would be together in a heartbeat, the tiny part of your heart, the one you spend day after day arguing with, says.

The two of you are more subtle after that. Never alone together, always keeping busy so you don’t have to think about what you can’t have.

And it’s fine, really.

Except when you brush imaginary dirt off his shoulder, or when he brushes past you, or when you high five him, or when he sits just slightly too close, you feel like you’re being burned alive.

As it happens, you two finally reach a breaking point when you, well, quite literally, butt heads.

He’s on his back in the medbay, trying to fix one of the droids. You’re sitting on one of the exam tables above him, talking about senseless things to pass the time, when Kix goes rigid.

“Shit,” he mutters.

“You okay down there?” He’s silent and you slide off the table, squinting into the shadows cast by the droid.

“‘M fine,” he says, voice sharp. It’s a sure sign he’s in pain. You peer closer, noting the way he’s clutching his hand to his chest. Blood is oozing out slowly, over his fingers.

“Kix!” you say with an undignified yelp of fear. You try and tug him out, and he shrugs you off.

“It’s fine.” Stubborn man.

“Liar,” you say, kneeling over him at the same time he goes to get up.

It’s like watching a disaster happen in slow motion. Your brain knows what’s happening and tries to tell you to move, and you do. But it’s towards Kix’s rising big skull instead of away.

He stand up into you, and you feel more than hear the crunch in your nose.

The taste and smell of blood is instantaneous. You fall to the floor beside him with a groan, hands coming up to cup your poor nose. Kix is on you in a flash, trying to do damage control, but his hand is still bleeding, and it’s making even more of a big mess.

So there you two are, on the floor, moaning in pain, covered in blood. Not your finest moment.

Someone clears their throat, and you two pause in your fumbling attempts to stem the bleeding.

“Kix, I don’t care what you do in your own time. But this is not the place to explore your weirder tastes.” It’s the Captain himself, perhaps the worst person to catch you two like this.

“No, that’s not-”

“He’s not-”

The two of you are talking over each other, and Captain Rex just laughs, leaving you two to suffer in a bloody heap on the floor. Kix extricates himself first, finding bandages with his good hand.

He wraps them around his injured hand, then ties it off with his teeth, a move that almost distracts you from the blinding pain in your face.

Almost.

“Shit, Kix, I think you broke my nose,” you say with another moan. He’s back beside you in an instant, gently prying your hands off.

“Let me look, and I’ll tell you,” he says, after you slam your hand back onto your nose, only to cry out in pain. Not very smart of you.

Kix takes your hands again, placing them to the side and wiping away some of the blood. Your nose is tender to the touch. Carefully, he probes the sides of your nose and you wince.

“Sorry,” he says. There’s a lingering softness in his tone, the same kind of softness you’ve noted in his touches.

“It’s okay,” you say quietly. He looks down at you, and you don’t even think about the way he’s still holding your nose.

Instead, you’re caught on his eyes.

He has kind eyes, you decide, the kind that invite you in and make you feel important. Safe. Cared for.

“I, uh, I don’t think it’s broken,” he says. “Just bruised.” Even as he speaks, his hands drift away from your nose, and his eyes move down to your lips.

“Kix,” you say, intending it to come out as a warning. Instead, it’s breathy and needy, and you find yourself arching up to meet him even as he leans down.

Your first kiss is not euphoric, like you would hope. Instead, it’s an experimental peck against your lips and then an accidental knock against your nose, which has you cringing backwards.

But. You have come to expect something like this from you two. So when Kix pulls back in horror at the thought of hurting you further, you’re prepared.

You wind your arms around his neck, tugging him back to you. He comes willingly, caressing your face as he slants his lips across yours.

This time, you would put your kiss safely in the “euphoric” category. It’s like you can finally breath after all this time spent holding your breath. You play with the hair at the nape of his neck while you kiss him, and he hums softly, cradling you to his chest. You sigh into him. No more stealing glances and barely-there touches.

“No, we can’t,” Kix says, voice hoarse as he pulls away abruptly, shattering your dream. You want to cry. Everyone already thinks you’re together, so why can’t it be the truth?

“I know,” you say instead, for him, even as the two of you lean in for another kiss. Kix cups your face this time, thumb stroking your skin as you kiss, and you realize it’s because you actually are crying.

“Cyar’ika,” he murmurs against your lips. You wrap your arms around his chest, tugging him down on top of you.

“I know,” you say again. “Just for a little bit.”

And for just a little bit, he lets you dream. You don’t care that the two of you are a mess, or that anyone could walk in. For now, you have more than lingering touches and glances. You have a promise that down the line, after all is said and done, he’ll pick you.

You have Kix, and that’s enough.

#clone trooper kix x you #clone trooper kix x reader #tw blood #reader insert #clone trooper kix #ask #kat speaks #snippytano #this has been ruminating and i’m sorry it’s taken me so long!!#and also thank you for reading my stuff!!#i’m glad you enjoy my writing!!<3

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mirkwoodshewolf · 3 years

Text

You’ll always be my brother mine; Queen x reader

*Author's note*

Okay get the tissues out my fellow readers because this one WILL make you cry. For this is the LAST chapter with John Deacon in the Rock Angel's life. After this, Deacy will only be lovingly mentioned but will not have another physical appearance. I also want ALL of you to listen to the music choices down below as well as watch the music video above (cause it will REALLY pull your heartstrings and set the mood for this chapter). Up next we're gonna make quite a huge time leap cause next chapter were gonna get into some current events that has happened with Queen/Rock Angel. So be prepared for the next chapter(s).

MUSIC VIDEO HERE

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@psychosupernatural

@simonedk

@ixchel-9275

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@queensdivas

@queen-paladin

@queendeakyy

@wormzteef

@bohemiansweede

@labessieisallama

@naturalswifty89

@starswin

@isabella-bby

@5sos-wdw

@geek-and-proud

@onebigfangirlworld

@ssa-sadboi

_________________________________________________________

*Nov. 28th, 1997. Deacy's POV*

I had only agreed to come here to do this one last thing. My last music video that I would ever do with Queen, I had already completed my last live performance with Brian and Roger along with Elton back in Paris but without Freddie it just wasn't the same. Now we were making the music video for a song that Brian had written years ago just shortly after Freddie died.

I was sitting by myself along Roger's bar area (we had assembled at his place to do a mock rehearsal of the song before recording tomorrow) with my bass guitar resting on my lap when Roger came in and said.

"You doing okay?"

"Define okay." I told him.

"You're right. Dumb question. But—in all seriousness John, it really means a lot to us that you agreed to do this video."

"All I keep hearing is Freddie telling me 'darling if you don't get in front of that camera, I'll kick your arse from here to Glasgow'." The two of us chuckled softly.

"Well the team's already to go for tomorrow guys, we'll start filming at 9am sharp. We feel good about this?" Brian came up to us and asked.

"Actually, we can't do this video just yet." I told them.

"Why not?" asked Brian. "It's not much like any of our previous videos have been. We're in the perfect location and we're willing to perform this live instead of going through playback."

"It's not about missing something Brian, it's—someone."

"Look Deacy. We all miss him, but he'd still want—"

"I'm not talking about Freddie, Brian." I snapped before taking a deep breath and calming myself down.

"John I don't even know if she'd be interested in wanting to return to work. After the trail she's been—" Roger said softly before exhaling deeply. "But I can give Jack a call and see."

"No need. I booked a flight to Montreux, if I can convince her, we should be back tonight. Late." The two of them looked at each other and Brian said.

"Alright Deacy, we'll let you go get her. But don't get your hopes too high if she says no."

"Believe me, I know what she's going through. I almost didn't want to do this either. It feels wrong even continuing without Freddie, but—with this being the very last time I'll ever perform for Queen. I need at least one more performance with the Rock Angel. You guys need to give me this."

"We are. Bring our angel home." Roger said as he clasped his hand on my shoulder. I nodded before packing my bass up and headed off for the airport.

After a 2 hour flight, I arrived in Montreux airport and got a cab to take me to the Kline vacation home. It was another hour, hour and a half drive but finally the driver pulled up along the driveway. It was completely silence in the front yard, almost like a graveyard.

I got out of the car and walked up the gravel road, up onto the sidewalk and finally up the few stairs before finally standing before the door. Taking a deep breath I knocked on the door and waited for a couple of minutes. Soon enough a young girl opened the door, she had long (h/c) and familiar (e/c) that she inherited from her mother.

"Uncle Deacy?"

"Hello Kelly." I greeted with a warm smile. She smiled at me and hugged me.

God she had gotten so big since I last saw her. She was really starting to look more and more like her mother each and every day.

"My dear Kelly, look at you." she looked up at me and said.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was wondering if I could speak to your mum?"

"Yeah, of course. She's down in the basement with the boys." Kelly allowed me to enter inside and the first thing I see as I walk through the door was old Sammy, the Kline family's golden retriever. Already he was showing signs of aging around his nose and eyes. But when he saw me, he raised his head up and I saw his tail wag.

"Hello Sammy. Long time ehh boy?" he stood up and walked towards me and nuzzled against my hand. I stroked down his head when Kelly said.

"That's the first time I've seen him move so much since Bucky died." I turned to her in shock. "Brain tumor. We had to put him down last month and it was hard for all of us, Sammy especially." I looked down at Sammy and he looked up at me with those sad brown eyes of his as he let out a sad, soft whimper.

I scratched through his head as I walked over toward the basement stairs. I opened the door and walked down the U-shaped half-pace staircase. All the while I could hear some orchestra music playing and the sound of some creature bellowing before finally hearing someone say.

"How fast are they?"

"Well we clocked the T-Rex at 32 mph." As I came down to the bottom of the stairs, there at a desk surrounded by books and wearing prescription glasses was my sister dear while on the leather couch playing on the big TV was a movie that I wasn't quite too familiar with.

"T-T-Rex? You said you got a T-Rex?" Georgie quoted alone with the woman on screen while the old man nodded.

"Say again?" Jackson quoted along with the actor on screen.

"We have a T-Rex." The old man repeated. The actor on screen then started acting faint while the woman tried to get him steady and that's when the old man said.

"Dr. Grant, my dear Dr. Sattler."

"Welcome—to Jurassic Park." The twins quoted along with the old man on screen. Then soon enough dinosaurs were shown on the screen and I'll admit it was quite a sight to behold.

Never have I seen practical effects like that when it came to dinosaur films. Whatever film this is, I'll have to check it out for myself.

When I turned towards (y/n) I noticed that she turned her head away from her books and paper just to watch the television. I shook my head at her. Some things never change. I even saw her mouth out the next quote that was spoken on screen.

"Some things never change with you sister dear." She turned around to face me, as did the boys and they raced towards me exclaiming.

"Uncle John! Uncle John!" soon I was tackled down to the ground by these big boys. I smiled down at them as the two of them talked over each other trying to speak to me.

"Well, well, well. Look what the cat threw up. And I see you finally cut that raggedy mullet of yours." My sister teased.

"Haha, very funny." I mocked up at her.

"What brings you around here?" she asked me.

"A brother figure can't see his surrogate sister anymore?" I asked as I stood back up with the twins still clinging onto my sides.

"Not that I'm complaining but, you haven't really came around since......" she looked away before grabbing the remote and turning the movie off.

"Awww mum! We wanted to keep watching the film!" the twins whined.

"Georgie, Jackson you both have seen the film over a million times. Besides you two got chores to do that you both forgot to do yesterday."

"But, but, but....."

"Now boys. You mind your mother and don't argue back with her." I lectured them giving them my father eye.

"Yes Uncle John." They both said glumly before they walked up the stairs.

"I swear they both got their father's handsome looks but their uncle Jensen's laziness." (y/n) complained which made me softly chuckle.

"They're little boys. And believe me it'll get worse, cause they're what seven now?" she nodded. "So yeah get ready. Ten is probably the age they'll really push your buttons."

"Well thanks for the heads up."

*My POV*

Now don't get me wrong, I love Deacy and I'm always happy to see him (on the rare occasions that he does come around) but this visit has something else written all over it.

"What film was that exactly?" he asked me.

"A Steven Spielberg masterpiece, Jurassic Park. Since it gets scary at around the middle part I don't allow the boys to watch this film alone without either me or Jack in the room."

"And what's with all the books? I haven't seen you this swamped since your first days as Miami's intern."

"Well—believe it or not. I'm finishing college."

"Really?"

"Uh-huh. You see since I left college once I became the Rock Angel, and with me taking a step back from the spotlight for a while. I enrolled at a University here about to graduate with an English degree."

"I'm proud of you (y/n). Really I am. And—I know he would be too if he heard that." See there it was. The reason behind his sadness. Sometimes Deacy couldn't even say his name without feeling such agonizing heartache. His eyes that were once filled with light had diminished and rarely sparked up anymore.

"What about you? How are you and the other two aging Queens getting along?" I asked as I took off my reading glasses.

"We're getting by. Day by day. We're—actually about to do a video for a song Brian's made." Okay, I think I know where this is going.

"Deacy—I appreciate the offer but I just.....don't think I'm ready to get back into the limelight just yet. Plus I got school to finish up. And then there are the kids and Jack. The press made my life hell throughout the trial and I refuse to go through that again. So you can tell Roger that I'm not interested."

"Actually it wasn't Roger's idea for me to come down here and have you work with us again. Nor was it Brian's." I looked at him in shock.

"You mean you want me to be a part of this video you're doing?"

"Yes. They told me you might not want to but please, sister dear, for old time's sake. You wouldn't want to break an old man's heart now would you?" he proceeded with the puppy dog eyes and with that greying hair on his head it just made him look like a sad old puppy dog.

"Why must you always get your way?"

"Because I'm your brother and you fall for it every time." I sighed heavily and said.

"Let me get a hold of Jack at the hospital and see what he says." I stood up as Deacy came behind me and said in an alarmed tone.

"Wait? What happened to Jack? Is he alright? He didn't do anything stupid did he?"

"Deacy, Deacy relax. Jack's fine he's with our son."

"Wait you're....." it was then he finally noticed my body shape. The post-pregnant belly and weight gain.

"Was. Yeah. Just 2 weeks ago we had our new baby boy."

"Oh (y/n). Congratulations. But—then why is he......"

"The thing is, he wasn't supposed to come till next January. I gave birth to him prematurely by 2 months." I said sadly as I finally arrived at the phone and touched it.

"I'm so sorry poppet. Had I known I would've never—"

"No need for apologizes or sympathy Deacy. Like I told you once a long time ago about my parents. I didn't tell you so you have no reason to feel sorry for me. Besides our boy's strong. He's shown great improvement. Doctor says we could possibly bring him home come this weekend."

"That's good. But knowing Roger and Brian, they'll be wanting pictures of him shortly."

"And what about you? Don't you want to see a picture of your new nephew?"

"Of course I do." There was a bit of hesitation to the way he responded but I set it aside for now as he asked me, "What's the lad's name?" After he said that, it was my turn to hesitate cause I didn't want Deacy to grow sad again.

"You promise me you won't get too heartbroken when I tell you?"

"So long as you didn't name him Adam, Paul or Steve I think we'll be good." I turned to face my brother and I said.

"It was no difficult decision, Jack and I agreed that this name just suited him perfectly and we—we knew he would've loved it too. Our last and newborn baby's name is Freddie Mercury Kline." I immediately picked up the phone and rang the hospital for Jack.

After awhile of Jack and I talking back and forth between one another, he agreed that he could handle the kids for a couple of days, man down the house, and even look over my final paper that I have to turn in in a couple of weeks for a class.

"Thanks babe. How's our boy doing?"

'Ahh (y/n) you should see him, he's glowing like the sun right now. Maybe when we do get to take him home, we can even get the rest of the Queen family to see him.'

"We don't want to overwhelm him so much." I lectured.

'I know. But I think it's time we told the rest of Queen didn't we? Especially after who we named him after.'

"Well half the job is done. Only Brian and Roger need to know."

'Yeah. Hey can you give me regards to Deacy?'

"Sure thing love. We'll stay here till you get home."

'Baby you know Kelly's old enough to keep the boys under control till I come back.'

"I don't know Jack, I mean yeah she's a pre-teen but I don't....."

'Trust me (y/n). She's clever just like her mom. She knows right from wrong. The kids will be fine. But if it makes you feel any better, I'll head home right now so that way she won't have to be responsible for too long.' I rolled my eyes and said.

"Thank you Jack. I'll be back on Monday, I promise."

'Take as much time as you need. Besides, you need to catch up with the guys.'

"You're right love. I love you Jack, give my baby a kiss for me before you leave."

'Will do mama lion. Give the guys my love for me when you see them.'

"I will." We then said bye to each other before I hung up the phone. "Alright, Jack's on his way from the hospital, he said Kelly can watch the twins until he comes back."

"She's responsible that girl of yours. Reminds me of you when we first met. You made sure everything got organized and planned out accordingly. Hell you managed to keep the four of us in line." I smiled and gathered up my school stuff to take into the study room.

After turning the TV, off and putting my books away I called the kids into the master bedroom while I packed a weekend night bag.

"Okay now listen you three, mum's going away for the weekend with your uncle Deacy to see your other uncle as well as your godfather to do some work. Your father is on his way home from seeing your brother, and until he gets back you're in charge Kelly."

"What!?" the twins proclaimed.

"You heard her." Kelly sassed down at her younger brothers.

"Now you all know the rules, stay inside, no trashing the house, no answering the phone for any reason at all unless the caller ID says its your father or another family member. And absolutely; No one. Sets. Foot. In my study or studio or else." I firmly stated to them, especially the last part.

"We promise mum." They all choired out.

"Good. Now stay safe, and listen to your sister boys. I'll be back on Monday. Now come on kisses and cuddles." I knelt down and got a hug from my three big kids.

I even told them to give their uncle Deacy cuddles and kisses, which he happily accepted, before the two of us headed out back for the taxi car to take us back to the airport.

After a few hours in the air, Deacy and I arrived into London by about 7pm and this time I paid a cabbie to take us over to Roger's place. God all this traveling is really making me jet lagged right now. I only hope I have enough energy to record tomorrow.

The next day we were all in the recording studio to film the music video of Brian's song. I was sitting at the piano with Brian who was giving me the rundown on how to play the tune when it came for my appearance in the video.

"So—how have things been for you lately?" asked Brian. I looked up at him, "I mean it's just—you went underground after the trail and we—got worried."

"I'm sorry I worried you guys. I just......needed some time to myself and my family, that's all."

"No, no we understand. God what—what happened that day was extremely traumatic for you and—"

"Brian. Can.....can we not discuss anything regarding him. Please?"

"Sure, sure, absolutely." God sometimes I hate it when Brian wakes eggshells around me.

"I'm finishing up school."

"Really?" I nodded.

"I'm studying Creative writing. By next spring I'll graduate from college and finally get my diploma."

"That's wonderful news (y/n). I'm so proud of you." he wrapped an arm around me and gave me a one armed hug and kissed the top of my head.

"Also—there's.....a new Kline in the household." He looked down at me surprised.

"You mean—"

"Had him two weeks ago. Prematurely though." His brows knitted in that familiar sympathetic way.

"Oh (y/n), I'm so sorry. Are they....."

"He is doing just fine. Even for being born 2 months early, he's already got the Kline lion strength."

"I'm sure he does. What's the lads name?" I took out my wallet from my inner coat pocket and took out a picture of him from his incubator.

"Jack and I both agreed on the name together. Bri, meet your newest nephew. Freddie Mercury Kline." His eyes looked right at mine, with awe but also a hint of sadness. But a wide smile spread across his face as he softly laughed out.

"God what he would've said knowing that he got one of us to finally name our next kid after him."

"Probably something like 'about fucking time darling. I was beginning to think I'd been neglected.'" We both chuckled softly.

"That is something he would say. Oh and I bet he would've doted on this little chap, just as he had with all of your other kids." I nodded solemnly.

"God I wish he were still here." He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder and lay his head down on top of mine, his curls gingerly stroking my forehead and nose.

"We all do poppet. We all do." I sniffled softly but pushed back the tears.

"Alright, enough of this chatter. Now for this part of the song it goes like this right?" I said shrugging him off before playing the chords he had taught me at the butt-crack of dawn before we even came to the studio.

Finally we were ready to film the video. First Brian, Rog and Deacy got into position with Bri at the piano, Deacy on a stool with a bass guitar, and Roger in the back with his drumkit.

I couldn't help but be touched at the reminder of cups full of beer and a champagne glass sitting right along the piano's edge. It was—a nice little touch that Freddie would've appreciated.

This music video......I'll admit that this is probably my favorite out of all the Queen music videos. Because now people will get to see what it was like on a daily basis with us. Almost like they are a familiar face stepping into the recording studio.

The director called for quiet on the set and I stayed back for awhile until it would be my time to go up there and soon the director called out action! The camera's rolled and I watched as a camera crane came down from the ceiling at a slow pace.

I then saw at men on the mobile camera slowly moved closer across the studio to really give that first person POV as Brian sang the first verse and played the piano. Already hearing him sing this song made my heart .

*Brian*

A hand above the water An angel reaching for the sky Is it raining in heaven Do you want us to cry?

And everywhere the broken-hearted On every lonely avenue No one could reach them No one but you

One by one Only the good die young They're only flyin' too close to the sun And life goes on Without you

Next up was Roger. The cameras slowly came towards him as he played the simple drumbeat and he took over the vocals of the second verse. By that time, Brian had switched over to his Red Special and stood a few feet away from Deacy while I took over at the piano.

But to surprise the fans; I had a hoodie to cover my entire face as I now took over playing the piano.

*Roger*

Another tricky situation I get to drownin' in the blues And I find myself thinkin' Well, what would you do?

Yes, it was such an operation Forever paying every due Hell, you made a sensation (sensation) You found a way through (found a way through)

*All*

One by one Only the good die young They're only flyin' too close to the sun *Roger*

We'll remember Forever

When it was finally my turn, I took the hoodie off and proceeded to play the piano as I sung the third voice. My heart was heavy and my throat felt like clenching up but I kept my sorrow at bay in order to get this done in one take.

Cause I knew if I didn't, then there's probably no way I could keep my composure after three takes of singing this verse. Because all that came through my mind were the good memories of Freddie, and how I couldn't even believe that he was really gone. Even though almost 6 years have passed.

*Me*

And now the party must be over I guess we'll never understand The sense of your leaving Was it the way it was planned?

And so we grace another table And raise our glasses one more time There's a face at the window And I ain't never, never sayin' goodbye

By the end of it all, the video would show Queen and the Rock Angel singing the song with such sorrow but passion as we sung it in honor of our beloved Freddie.

Soon all four of us were gathered around the piano, Deacy still sitting on his stool, but Brian, Roger and I were gathered close together with music sheets in our hands. I stood by Roger and would sing the first line before finding myself unconsciously leaning against him for support.

Thankfully he didn't see anything wrong with it as he wrapped an arm around me and took the next part before Brian would be the one to finish it since he was the one to start it.

*All*

One by one Only the good die young They're only flyin' too close to the sun *Me*

Cryin' for nothing *Roger*

Cryin' for no one *Brian*

No one but you

The video would then close off as the camera would rise up over the four of us gathered around the piano. The lights shutting off and us acting like we were now leaving the studio after a hard day's work.

"Cut! Okay Brian, come and see what you like and what we need to reshoot." The director called out and both he and Brian began speaking to each other as Bri reviewed the footage.

As I watched Bri talk to the director, I felt a slight nudge at my shoulder and I looked up to see Deacy. His eyes were sad but the smile across his face held some warmth to it. I leaned my head against his chest and I felt his hand rest on top of my head, gently scratching my scalp.

"You still got it poppet."

"Singing to the kids still keeps my pipes in check." I felt him gently kiss the top of my head when the director called out.

"Alright Mrs. Kline. We're gonna runback from your verse, your hair got in the way of your face too much." I nodded and soon someone from the hair department came and brushed my hair back out of my face. As well as take a couple of hairpins to make sure the strands didn't get in my face again.

Deacy walked back towards his stool and Brian went to grab his guitar once again while Rog twirled his sticks.

"Okay playback from the third verse." The music picked back up and the cameras rolled and I sung the third verse once again, this time I could feel myself choking up as I sang the verse again.

This continued to go on with reshoots, trying to make this video even better. By the fifth time singing it, I needed to step out and take a breather because at this point I was just about to breakdown crying. Luckily for me, Deacy was right there for me the whole time till I calmed down and was ready to go back to recording.

Four hours later, the video was complete. Once the director as well as the boys were satisfied with the results, it was time to head home. Roger insisted that I stay with him the next couple of days (because he wanted to know more about his new godson) as well as catch up with one another. As I placed my coat back on over me, I heard Deacy's voice say my name softly.

"What is it Deacy?"

"Can I—can I talk to you for a moment? Privately." The look in his eyes were full of regret, almost like he didn't even want to tell me whatever it was he wanted to say.

"Sure Deacy, let me just tell dad to wait up for me." He nodded while I raced off towards Roger and told him that I needed to talk with Deacy.

From behind his new circular prescription shades (kinda similar to what ole Ozzy has), I could see that he must've known what Deacy wanted to tell me.

I walked back towards Deacy who took my hand and led me out of the studio and out into the abandoned hallways. No one was there but us two.

"Alright John Deacon, what's really going on?" he refused to look me in the eye.

"I—the reason why I wanted you to be a part of this music video was because I......I wanted to work with you. One last time." My heart slowly sunk. "Freddie he—he was what made Queen the way it was from the beginning. Without him there......th-there just isn't any need for Queen to continue on."

I remained silent as John confessed his heartbreaking news. I could see the redness of tears at the corner of his eyes.

"I just can't continue with all this. Not without him. This—was my last contribution to Queen. And—I wanted it to also be the last time I worked alongside the Rock Angel as well." He went silent again. "I'm sorry love." He sniffled.

I reached out and softly took his hands in mine. When he felt my touch, his eyes finally looked right at me. I looked at him with pure empathy before walking closer to him till I finally embraced him.

Play video

Oh my poor brother, I felt him tense up underneath my touch. It was almost like he was expecting me to go full on hysterical about him retiring from music forever.

"I was a fan before I met you guys. I've read every interview you guys ever did, seen all the concerts. And never have I seen a band be so involved with each other as Queen has. Like me, Freddie took you under his wing and allowed you to soar. You never just became the 'bass player', or the 'quiet guy in the corner'. No you, John Richard Deacon, are the most vital and important piece that was needed for Queen to finally rise to the top. And Fred saw that in you."

I cupped his face in my hands as I continued,

"If this is what will bring you peace, I'll understand."

"You knew my reason all along, didn't you?" he said. I only gave him a soft smile before I embraced him.

"You will always be my brother mine." He slowly raised his arms and wrapped them around my back and he whispered his last words to me.

"And you'll forever be my sister dear." We remained there in each other's arms. Embracing each other as tightly as we could, inhaling each other's scents, remembering each other's touch.

Because I knew that once we let go, this would be the last time we would ever see each other again.

Finally I forced myself to release him from my embrace. I looked down sadly trying not to cry in front of him. I felt his hand cup the side of my face and his forehead press up against mine.

Our noses softly grazing one another's until I finally felt him give me one final kiss on the cheek.

When I opened my eyes, I only saw his back and heard as his shoes clicked along the hallway. That image would forever be imprinted into my brain for as long as I live.

"Goodbye......my sweet, sweet John Deacon." I whispered softly. The tears then softly fell down my face as he finally turned left and disappeared from my sights, leaving me all alone in the hallway.

After a while I finally left the studio and met Roger at his car. The hidden tearstains still glistening on my face and the occasional sniffle coming out. He didn't say a word as he looked at me knowingly, I looked up at him and ran into his chest and softly wept into his shoulder.

His father instincts toward me immediately kicked in as he wrapped his arms around me and tried his best to comfort me. God I tried so badly to not let this affect me. I knew where Deacy was coming from and I do respect his decision, I truly do, but—I just can't believe that even after this I'll never get to see my brother mine again.

It was like losing my parents all over again, except this was much, much worse. This time he'll be so close yet so far away.

*FF to May 14th, 1998*

I had done it. I was a college graduate at last. Earlier today I had finally done the famed college graduation walk that all my previous friends in college got to do all those years ago, and I was an official college graduate.

(Y/n) Kline, Bachelor's degree in English with a concentration in Creative Writing.

It was late afternoon and I was sitting up along the balcony of the vacation home with a glass of wine in hand. We all had just gotten back from a family dinner in celebration of my graduation, now I wanted to be at peace and watch the sunset.

Because starting tomorrow, I decided that it was time to head back to our home in London and I wanted to get back to work.

"Thought I'd find you up here." I heard Jack's voice say. I smiled as I turned towards him.

"I was wondering if you'd be joining me."

"Well you know as well as I do that if those twins of ours are left unattended during their bath, they'll drown the entire bathroom in soap again."

"God that was such a nightmare to clean up." I laughed as he came up and sat down close beside me on my lawn chair. I noticed in his hands he held some mail. "What all did we get?"

"Well some bills, junk mail, some congratulation cards from the family back home in America, as well as from Brian and Roger, and.....that's it." I extended my hand out and he handed me the mail and I began sorting out the business mail from the personal one.

It was then I came across an interesting letter. One I never though I'd expect to see.

"What's this?" I turned the letter towards him and that's when Jack's face went pale. For you see the letter was addressed to Jack but the place it was from is what had me curious. The letter was from the London Police Academy.

"Oh shit." He muttered.

"C'mon Jack spill it, what is this?"

"I really didn't want to make a big deal out of this, especially since these past few months were all about you."

"Jack." I warned him since he was getting off the subject. He sighed heavily before he took the letter from my hands and said.

"Okay. Do you remember when I had gone up to London, and I told you that I was just going up there to check on the house?" I nodded. "Well, I lied. The truth is—I went to apply for the London Police Academy because—I want to become a police officer, and eventually a criminal detective."

"Jack."

"I know I must sound crazy but, this was my decision. After what happened to us with—you know. For the past year and a half and then....dealing with the trail. It put all of us through hell. And I—I don't want us or for anyone else to go through the pain that we went through. That bastard nearly tore this family apart, and it was because of the law that he got away with it every time. Creeps like him shouldn't get off scot-free."

I hugged my husband as tightly as I could and I said with a wide smile.

"I'm so proud of you."

"Really?" I separated from him and continued.

"You're my husband and you've been so supportive of me for years. It's about time I was supportive of you in your dream career."

"Well I don't even know if I even got in, that's probably what this letter is."

"Then what are you waiting for? Open it!" I chuckled and opened up the envelope and soon took out the folded letter and read it to himself.

"I—I got in."

"Oh my darling that's fantastic! Congrats!" I hugged and kissed him.

"Well hold on, this just means that I'm a potential candidate for a chance at working for the London Police force. There's still like a six month process when it comes to actually getting in. Right now I'm just joining the academy for some training."

"Still, that's something to be proud of. Oh Jack, you're gonna be a fantastic officer. And soon a world-class detective. A regular Sherlock Holmes if you will." I teased the last part as I bopped his nose.

"I don't think I can be that good. But—I'll try my best. For you, for our kids, and for every other stalking victims out there. The law may have failed us, but I won't let it fail for those in the future." I smiled at my loving husband and cupped his face and kissed him. "Oh and there's something for you inside."

"Really? Another surprise?"

"Well it's more like a small package. And sadly it's not from me." I looked at him confused.

"Then who is it from?" he shrugged but led me inside back into our bedroom where the small package lay at the foot of our bed. I opened it up and inside there was a single videotape. It had no marking or writing on it to indicate what it was.

The two of us looked at each other perplexed before I went towards our VHS player and insert the tape into it. I turned the TV on and the screen was blue as the tape finally began to play.

Coming up on the screen sitting right on a couch was none other than John.

"Hello (y/n), Jack. And the young Kline cubs, if they are there." He softly chuckled with a slight smile. Jack sat down beside me on the foot of our bed as we continued to watch Deacy's tape. "(Y/n), my darling sister dear. I know that—my leaving from Queen may seem like another abandonment but I swear to you it's not."

"Seems like this is just for you both, I'll just—"

"And Jack you stay right there with her because this is for you too." Jack looked at the telly surprised.

"Holy shit that was creepy."

"Our Deacy knows all." I wrapped my arms around my husband's arm as Deacy continued.

"Now—I have known you both for a long time. And both of you have equally been such an important part of my life. So it breaks my heart to know that this—might be the last time we meet face to face. But there is no doubt in my mind that you both are going to change the world. (Y/n), my lovely Rock Angel, you continue to spread your wings and fly. I know that you're going to continue to be the brightest and biggest solo female rockstar this world will ever know. And Jack, my pupil, my dearest American friend. You continue to protect your family, because if there's one final piece of advice that I can give you, it's that family is forever. Friends may come and go, but family is forever. And I know that whatever you choose to do with your life, your wife is gonna be there to support you. You both were meant for each other. I love you both so much. Continue to love, to give, to inspire, and......be happy. Bye."

The screen went black for a moment before he came back on screen and he began to say.

"Kelly, Jackson, Georgie and—little baby Freddie." At that point I stopped the tape and I turned to face Jack. I could already see the faint tears in his eyes.

Play video

"So this is really it huh?" Jack asked. I nodded. "I—can't believe we'll never get to actually talk to Deacy again." I rested my head on his shoulder and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"This is just his way of grieving. Deacy's very fragile right now. You know how his childhood was, and losing Freddie at three years his father's age. It's like—losing two father figures to him."

"I know. It's just that....." Jack looked at me with tears in his eyes.

Jack really did look up to Deacy for everything. After all they've been through for over 10 years together, to Jack it was like he was losing a very good friend.

"I know my love, I know. But this is what Deacy needs. To be with just his family now, and not be reminded of the pain of losing Freddie. And who knows—maybe, and this is a slight maybe, we might see him again. But until then we need to respect his wishes." Jack nodded and the two of us cuddled close together as we were both thinking the same thing.

We hope that you're happy at home John Richard Deacon.

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