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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

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AITA for going to see horror films behind my mother's back?

I (15F, Autistic) have been fifteen since March, but I've only just started realising what that means in October. A lot of content I previously couldn't consume because of my age is now consumable, and I've started branching out, and being less bored because I get to read and watch new things.

I've never delved deep into horror. I know about slasher lore, but only through Tumblr, Dead Meat kill counts and pop culture references, though I think I'm still pretty smart by all means. While strolling through Netflix, I saw Freddy vs Jason, rated M15 and wanted to watch it because Freddy has always been my favourite (alongside Pinhead, but I know I wouldn't be able to stomach the gore). My mum, sitting right next to me, told me absolutely not. I've already watched both of the Dead Meat summaries of it, and nothing triggered me, and you can't really be hyper empathetic to characters who exist to be canon fodder. So, when it was nighttime, I got on my IPad and watched it for myself. I could easily tap out because of it being an IPad, and I thoroughly enjoyed the film.

Now that FNAF is out to theatres, I asked my Dad if we could go see it. My mum, sitting right next to my dad, said no. I've enjoyed FNAF lore thoroughly and the film looks good, but mum wouldn't allow me to see it. So, if I can't get my dad to bring me, I'll try and watch it anyway via Netflix or some sketchy site or whatever, which I think is piracy, but we all love pissing on corporate here, so,,,,

I feel horrible for going against my mother's back twice, and I know a theatre is less easy to exit then watching it on an IPad, but I'm fifteen now, both movies were rated M to M15 and she's the only one prohibiting me to see it. I don't have friends, much less friends that drive, so unless dad's more lenient, I'll have to wait for who knows how long until I can see it. Still, I feel like after everything my mother has done for me, I can't go behind her back and watch another horror film.

TLDR: AITA for seeing a M15 horror film behind my mother's back and wanting to see another horror film in theatres she's disapproved of, when I'm 15??

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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ghuleh-recs · 1 month

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It's @chapel-of-rizztual's birthday!! So obviously I had to make us a mixtape of my favorite rizz fics. I was stoked to make this one because it meant I got to reread some of my favorite ghoul smut 😈 If you follow rizz you know what a joy it is to realize you're both on tumblr at the same time. You'll notice your feed slowly being taken over in the best possible way by a wonderful stream of consciousness reblogging spree. I have to add that chapel-of-rizztual is so damn supportive of fellow creatives, as well--sharing anything and everything we make. So let's all treat ourselves to some s tier ghoul smut in rizz's honor and maybe leave a comment or two as a lil' bday treat. ♡

recs under the cut.

In the heat of the moment - phantom x rain x mountain (polyghouls)

“Shit, I’m sorry-I didn’t realise.” He raises his arms as Rain pulls a clean hoodie on him. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.” Rain chuckles lightly, running a hand across Phantoms chest, smoothing out the hoodie. “You’re in heat, darling. I wouldn’t expect anything different.” He blinks up confusedly at Rain trying to take in what he’d just said to him. “I-what? What!?” Or…. Phantom goes into heat onstage but doesn’t realise because it’s his first one topside.

The only exception - aether x dewdrop

Aether smiles sweetly at him, brushing a few stray hairs from his face. “You feel better after that, Honeydrop?” Dew nods, not trusting his voice. His eyes drop down to Aethers lips for a spit second before looking back into his eyes. Aether chuckles lightly. “You want a kiss, darling?” Dew nods again and Aether surges forward to capture Dews lips in his. He gives Dew a few little pecks before pulling back. Dew whines and follows his lips. “More.” He whispered. Aether cradles his cheek and pull him in for another kiss, a proper kiss thins time, not just little pecks. Dew let’s Aether lead the the kiss, letting himself melt completely into it with a contented sigh. Or… After a stressful day Dewdrop finds himself seeking comfort from the one ghoul he trusts the most.

tumblr ficlet - lingerie - cumulus x mountain x swiss x phantom x rain

“I-uh- well, we? We all saw it in the shopping centre the other day. And we all thought- well it’s just- we all thought of you? So…yeah.” Mountain fidgets nervously as he edges his way towards the door. “I’m-uh- going back to my room, the other are also there. You can-Uh-you can join us when you unwrap it.” He seem to snap out his nervousness for a second. “If you want! There’s no pressure! I just..yeah, no pressure.” He gives her an awkward thumbs up and slips out the door without another word. Cumulus would laugh at him if she wasn’t so excited to find out what was making him so nervous. She tears the paper from the box, giggling and rolling her eyes when she recognises the lingerie brand that’s stamped on the box. Typical Boys.

Don't want to close my eyes - mountain & aether (& dew)

Mountain’s insomnia has been flaring up recently, the past few weeks he’d been getting less and less sleep each night, which led to the last couple of nights where he’d been unable to sleep. Tossing turning in his bed, eyes heavy, unable to switch his brain off. He’d given up trying to sleep tonight. His room felt too suffocating, too familiar, the endless tossing and turning had become boring. Or… Mountain hasn’t been sleeping. Aether helps.

With desire flowing through my veins - copia x mountain

After realising no one had seen Mountain for almost a week, Copia, riddled with anxiety and worry, sets out to find the Earth Ghoul. He gets a little more then he bargained for when he does eventually find him.

tumblr ficlet - first time - dewdrop x phantom

Despite what everyone thought, Dew liked the new ghoul. Sure, he wasn’t Aether, but Dew didn’t think that was a bad thing. He liked how easy the new ghoul was. How desperate for attention he was, how he’d do anything with a simple command, no fighting back. Dew liked how much control he had over him, something he never really had before, he liked how he could do anything to the new ghoul and he didn’t even question it, he’s just happy to be getting the attention he desperately wanted.

tumblr ficlet - body worship - copia x dewdrop

It was a joke. A self deprecating one, but a joke non the less. And it had made the congregation at mass laugh, all be it an awkward laugh, but it was a laugh and Copia was taking that as a win. Dew didn’t find it funny. If he’s being honest he didn’t really understand what Copia was trying to get at, he’d always viewed the man as some above godly creature, so to hear him say something so…low about himself made an uneasy feeling swirl in his belly.

𖤐 you know the drill--bookmark, read, and leave kudos/comments!

Did I forget your favorite? You've got a standing invitation from me to add your own rec and reblog ♡

#my fic recs #birthday mixtape #nameless ghouls #the band ghost #the band ghost fanfiction #spicy tag #mountain ghoul #phantom ghoul #swiss ghoul #aether ghoul #dewdrop ghoul #rain ghoul #cumulus ghoulette #nameless ghouls fic #fic rec!!

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seidenbros · 5 months

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Perfectly Broken

Pairing: Wylan van Eck x Jesper Fahey Summary: Jesper Fahey doesn't believe in soulmates. Wylan van Eck doesn't think he'll ever find the person whose laughter he hears in his head, who'll accept him the way he is. But once they meet, their beliefs seem to be crumbling. or When Kaz needs Wylan's musical talent to get back from Pekka Rollins what is rightfully theirs, he gives him a new home a family right along with it. Word count: 14.999 Warning/Tags: fluff, mutual pining, found family, head injury, singing, musical reference, dyslexic Wylan van Eck, both of them need a hug, background Helnik, idiots in love, Matthias calling Wylan "little lamb" A/N: Decided to post this properly to Tumblr as well, but you can also read it on AO3 of course. The song Perfectly Broken by Banners gave the title, it's definitely worth checking out. It's my first time writing for this fandom, and I wrote this while being home sick, but it wouldn't leave my head. please keep in mind that English isn't my first language 💚 Read on AO3

Jesper didn’t believe in soulmates. Technically, he knew that there was supposed to be one person out there for him, but he wasn’t so sure whether he’d ever meet that person or hear their laughter like everyone else did. It wasn’t the same for everyone. Some people heard their soulmate’s laughter in their early teens, some in their late twenties. He’d also heard of people who’d never heard that, who’d never met their soulmate - or had lost it way too early. Jesper had never heard anyone’s laughter in his head so far, but lately, there had been some sort of humming. A tune that he didn’t know, and he had to admit that it distracted him, made him get lost a little in some sort of dream. In fact, it took him back to wonderful memories, let him follow them down the rabbit hole a little time and time again, because it made him happy, made him feel so much all at once, that it was almost overwhelming. But when the humming was gone, he was immediately pulled back to reality, where he was met with two curious eyes, boring almost into his soul.

“Again Jesper?” Inej raised a questioning eyebrow looking him over. He was lucky they were in the Crow Club enjoying a drink together, because otherwise, this could have been dangerous. Of course, he knew that, and he didn’t even want to zone out like that, but it just happened, and since the humming appeared more often, he knew that he had to do something about it.

“Maybe it is your soulmate, and you’re just communicating differently.”

“Yeah. Sure.” Jesper couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes. Maybe, Inej was projecting a little on him, hoping for him to find his soulmate like this, because she hadn’t heard any laughter yet as well. Jesper on the other hand knew for a fact who’d heard her laughter. He could see it in Kaz's eyes whenever Inej laughed, and he just wanted to lock them in a room until they figured this out. Until Inej realised that Kaz was really her soulmate and until Kaz allowed himself to show how he felt. He knew that it wasn’t that easy, in fact, it was rather complicated, but Inej was looking for something she already had right in front of her, and who knew when she’d realise it.

“Or you have some kind of disease. But I think I prefer my initial suspicion.” She turned her glass between her fingers and shrugged her shoulders. Oh, Inej was pretty sure that she was right, that Jesper and his soulmate were just communicating differently, but if he didn’t want to believe that or investigate it even, she’d try to leave him alone - as long as he didn’t zone out on a job and got them in danger like that.

“Thought about that as well.” It did scare him a little, that this might be the case, but he was good at pushing stuff like that away from himself, and so he did the same right now, threw back another shot before he got up. Inej’s questioning look made him speak up again: “I have to pick up something for Kaz. I’ll see you in a bit.”

The wind was cold, but Wylan was hungry, and so he wasn’t behind closed doors in an abandoned house where he’d made himself some sort of home, but instead outside on the streets, playing the flute to maybe get a bit of money together so he could afford a warm meal. He hadn’t had a proper meal in days, just bits and pieces to keep him going. Making music in the streets didn’t earn him much, but sometimes, there was at least something that came out of it. If only he had a piano or keyboard, then he could do something more, but that cost money as well, and he didn’t have that, so the flute would have to do. He stuffed his jacket beneath him so he didn’t have to sit on the cold floor. That also meant that his upper body was a bit cold, but he’d manage, he always did somehow. No matter how cold it was here, it was better than being home with his so-called family, who were happier with him gone.

There were a few people who threw some money into the little box he had in front of him, probably because they felt bad for him. Honestly, he didn’t care why they did it, as long as he got some food out of it in the end. He’d played songs people knew all the time, but when it was dying down, less people walking by, he chose to play some of his own music, even got a bit lost in it, until he heard someone’s footsteps coming closer rather quickly. His eyes opened again and he stopped playing, his heart beating rapidly in his chest, because he always had to be ready to run with people being after him. His father’s people specifically.

“Hey! You!”

That was it. Wylan grabbed the money and his jacket and ran, didn’t wait a moment longer, fear being his catalyst and making him run even faster.

“Please stop!”

He heard the voice not far behind him, but since he knew this part of town so well, he found the nearest nook to almost vanish from sight. The darkness helped conceal his figure, now he just had to control his breathing to now be detected. His eyes darted out into the dimly lit alley, and he could see the person who’d called and run after him, dressed in rather flashy clothes, a top hat on his head. His heart jumped in his chest, though he couldn’t really say why. Was it fear or something else?

Jesper turned and looked around, but there was nobody to be seen. People don’t just vanish into thin air, so he had to be here somewhere. His heart was beating rapidly against his ribs, because that melody had sounded so familiar. It didn’t have to mean anything, he just wanted to ask the person where he knew that melody from, so maybe he could finally figure out why he was hearing that melody hummed inside his head. He kept looking for another five minutes or so, but didn’t find anyone, and though he wasn’t prone to giving up, he realised that it didn’t make sense to keep walking around in the cold when he couldn’t find anyone. Especially when Kaz was waiting for his delivery.

“Wylan.”

The well-known voice made him jump, because it was so unexpected, especially here in the darkness. He’d slipped back into his… well, his home of choice, because he couldn’t afford anything, and this was giving him at least a little shelter, and hardly anyone knew that he was here. Kaz did, though, because he’d worked for him a couple of times, desperate to have something to eat, some money. He’d never thought he’d do something criminal, but hunger made you do things you never thought possible.

“Kaz. What are you doing here?” Wylan licked his lips, put down his backpack and let the flute vanish into his pocket, before he reached for the small lamp to turn it on. The electricity was working in here, but he couldn’t turn on all the lights, because that would make people out there suspicious and investigate why there were lights on in an abandoned building.

“I have a business proposal for you.”

“I told you, I’m not feeling good about that.” But desperation had driven him to work for Kaz Brekker, but after finding out that someone had been hurt with his product, his conscience had kicked his behind a little. Yes, it had been someone who’d deserved far more than to break his hand, but it had still not sat right with him.

“It’s not that. I need your musical expertise. You need to create a diversion for us.” Kaz leaned a bit forward onto his cane, letting his eyes wander over Wylan’s body until his eyes cae to rest on his face.

“I- I don’t think I’ll be a good distraction with my flute.”

“I’m not talking about the flute.”

“But-”

“Wylan, don’t forget that I know you.” Kaz knew pretty much everything, knew about his heritage, knew why he’d run from home, why he was staying here, and so he also knew about his skills. “I need you on the piano.”

“I don’t…” He shook his head slightly, not sure whether this was a good idea or not, whether he was doing the right thing with that.

“You’ll get a room at the Crow Club, a warm bed, food.” Kaz took a step towards him, giving him another once over. “Some more food, because you do need your strength. We’re just taking back what’s rightfully ours, nothing more.” This time at least, but since Pekka Rollins had stolen from them, they deserved all that back.

It sounded way too tempting, and with temperatures dropping, did Wylan really have a choice? Not if he wanted to survive. He’d been freezing the night before already, and he knew that it would get worse. And a warm bed and food sounded way too good to say no.

“I might be a bit rusty, though.” Wylan looked up at Kaz who was taking another measured step towards him. Kaz knew that Wylan wasn’t rusty at all, that he was just saying that because he wasn’t sure whether it was a good idea or not.

“You can practise at the club. The nights will get colder.”

“Alright.” It was all the convincing he needed apparently. “Just need to pack up my stuff.”

“Take whatever you need right now, and I’ll send someone to get everything else, especially the chemicals.” They might come in handy at one point, because as much as he needed Wylan on the piano for the next job, he might need his other talents in the future.

“Just tell them to be careful then.” Big eyes looked up at Kaz, because Wylan really didn’t want anything to happen to anyone while they handled these bottles and everything else.

Kaz nodded and waited for Wylan to pack whatever he needed, before he left the building with him, taking him to what was hopefully becoming his new home. But even if it was just temporary or for the winter, Wylan would be grateful, because it meant surviving, it meant some food and a safe spot to rest his head.

“You!” Jesper almost gasped when he opened the door to bring some food to the new guy. Kaz had brought him in through the back door and shuffled him upstairs so that nobody saw Wylan, and then he’d sent Jesper to take some stuff upstairs, some food, water, towels, whatever Wylan needed to settle in. Kaz may look and act like he had a heart of stone and only cared about money, but in fact, he took really good care of the people around him, though he might not always show it that openly. Jesper knew him long and well enough though, knew that the new guy wasn’t just someone they needed, but also someone Kaz wanted around, though he didn’t know what it was about him.

Wylan scooted back from the door, away from Jesper a little bit, startled by his tone of voice and his appearance - though Jesper had had the decency to knock before he’d entered the room. Wylan recognised him straight away, the guy from the alley that he’d run away from. Well, he couldn’t have known that he was with Kaz, but even if he had known that, he would have probably run for his life.

“Why did you run?” The question he was most curious about. Or the second most curious about, but he was so flustered, which wasn’t normal for Jesper, that he had to ask that first as he put down the plate and water, handed the towels to Wylan, waiting for him to take them.

“I…” He licked his dry lips as he took the towels, having that same feeling he’d had in the alley earlier when looking at the other one, his pulse quickening and his stomach doing this weird thing he rather didn’t want to think about. Big eyes looked back up at Jesper as he spoke. “I didn’t know who you were or what you wanted so it was safer to run and hide.”

Jesper’s brows rose on his forehead and he pressed his lips together. Fair enough, he thought. You could never be careful enough. And someone looking like Wylan was an easy target. Though, if he put his mind to it, he could probably learn to flirt his way out of every situation with those plush lips and big eyes surrounded by lashes that were so long that every woman would get jealous. Jesper could at least see himself falling under Wylan’s spell easily, and he didn’t even have to do anything for that to happen. Instead of following down that road, he straightened a little again and crossed his arms, completely forgetting what else he’d wanted to ask Wylan.

“Alright. Eat up and you can take a bath next door. Get some sleep as well and Kaz wants us all to talk tomorrow when we’ve all had some rest.” He’d put it that way, but Jesper knew that he had mainly been talking about Wylan, and he could see why. Some food, a bath and a good night’s sleep would probably work wonders for him.

“Thank you…?” Wylan looked up at him expectantly, since he hadn’t caught his name yet, and since they would be working together, it was probably good to find that out.

“Oh. Jesper.”

“I’m Wylan.”

“I know.” Jesper gave him a lopsided grin before he bowed a little, sent him a wink. “Get some rest, Wylan.”

Wylan caught himself staring at the closed door for a moment longer, trying to figure out what was going on inside him. Oh, deep down he knew what it was, thought that his voice sounded familiar in a way, but he didn’t allow himself to believe in this. So, instead he turned to his food and filled his stomach before he took a much needed bath.

The bathroom was small and dimly lit, and yet, Wylan relaxed for the first time since leaving his home when he settled in the hot water. Finally, he felt his bones warm up as well, the muffled sounds from outside showing him that he wasn’t alone, but that it wasn’t that kind of noise that made you stand on edge, because someone might come after him any moment now. Weirdly enough, he felt safe here, knowing instinctively that not only Kaz but the others as well would look out for him. His fingertips trailed over the surface of the steaming water, his wet hair pushed back from his face, as he began singing quietly. “When I look into your eyes, I free myself of all my lies. Bare to you my soul and bone, knowing I have found my-”

“Home.” Jesper mumbled this one word, staring straight ahead, everything else around him drowned out completely. All the noises from the club, the people around him. Slowly his eyes found Inej’s again, who looked at him a little lost.

“What are you on about?”

“Did someone just sing in here?”

“No? There isn’t anyone singing here, so what - oh my God, it’s not just humming anymore, is it?” The triumphant smile on her lips almost made Jesper roll his eyes and leave her sitting there all by herself. But by now, he realised or at least allowed himself to believe that she was onto something here. That he wasn’t sick, but that it really had something to do with this whole soulmate thing. And the voice sounded familiar, but still different in a way, and he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

“Same melody, but with lyrics this time. It’s… I feel like I know that voice.” And he had no idea just where he’d heard that voice before. Maybe because he hadn’t heard that person sing yet.

“This is Wylan,” Kaz introduced him the following day to the rest of the group. “He’ll help us get what Pekka Rollins stole from us back.” Wylan still didn’t know what it was, nor did he really want to know, because when it came to Kaz Brekker, it could be pretty much anything.

“And how is that supposed to work? How do you know he’s not working for Pekka?” It was Jesper who spoke up, who crossed his arms over his chest and cast a quick glance at Wylan, who immediately avoided eye contact. Not because he didn’t want to look at Jesper or because he had a guilty conscience, but because of the things Jesper made him feel. He had his suspicions why it was like that, but he pushed it away. It was understandable that they were weary of him. Wylan had felt the same way when he’d encountered Jesper the day before.

“Because Wylan has helped us before.” Kaz leaned on his cane and fixed Jesper with his gaze. “He’s an expert with chemicals.”

Now, a lot of things were falling into place for Jesper. He trusted Kaz, more than anyone else except for Inej maybe, but there were certain things Kaz didn’t talk about. Wylan was certainly one of those things, so it was no wonder Jesper hadn’t heard of him before, but at least he’d been able to see his work - that had now and then really saved their asses.

“So, what’s the plan?” Inej looked up at Kaz, curious as well since he hadn’t told anyone what he had thought about, what he wanted them to do.

“Pekka Rollins is having a talent show, drawing in big names and all that, and that’s where Wylan comes in. I’ll register him and support him, be the face Pekka sees. Of course, he’ll get suspicious, but more of me than of what might be going on in the background. Wylan will certainly distract them with his playing and his singing.”

“Singing?” Wylan piqued up, eyes wide in surprise. They hadn’t talked about this, Kaz had only mentioned him playing piano, but of course he knew. How could Wylan have thought that he wouldn’t know that as well?

“Didn’t I mention that?” Of course he hadn’t, because he’d needed to lure Wylan in, and now that he was here, Kaz thought it easier to persuade him. “We need that kind of distraction and your voice on top of the piano will render them all speechless.” At least, Kaz was sure that it would work out this way. Wylan on the other hand wasn’t so sure. Yes, he’d played the flute and sung in the streets, and there had been the occasional appearances in the shopping mall where he’d used the piano that was standing there, and it had brought in some money for him. But he’d never actually played and sung in front of an audience that would pay that much attention and judge what he was doing on stage. Well, he’d never been on a proper stage as well, but Kaz believed that he could do that. Being here among the others, having a proper bed and some food to fill his stomach were things that he didn’t want to give up. At least not without trying.

“And you think Pekka will let you register?” Jesper raised a questioning eyebrow, trying to push his curiosity aside that Wylan was apparently able to play the piano and sing as well. I intrigued him to no ende, he had to admit, but right now, he had to focus on the plan.

“He already did. It’s already done, but of course he questioned me about it.” Kaz pulled up one of the chairs and sat down, leaning back a little. “I know he’ll be watching me, and I want Wylan to practise here, maybe even get word out to Pekka, so he’ll focus on that, on us, so that you-” He looked at the other four in the room, including Nina and Matthias that he needed for this little project or job whatever you wanted to call it “-can get back what is rightfully ours. Inej will fill you in on everything.” So that Kaz could retreat with Wylan and be seen with him as well, setting the perfect distraction for Rollins.

They went their separate ways, the other four to talk strategy, to be filled in by Inej, while Kaz took Wylan with him to sit him in front of a piano.

“Have you thought about what to play yet?”

“I’m not sure.” Wylan got comfortable on the piano bench, the room empty except for the two of them, making Wylan feel a little more at ease. There was so much happening all at once, and he was always doubting himself, now wasn’t an exception, but Kaz apparently believed in him, and that at least lifted his spirits a little.

“Look.” Kaz took a step towards him, lay his arm on the piano, his gloved fingers stroking slowly over the wooden surface. “I know that you can do it. Of course you could choose a cover song, but your own song would definitely work better.”

Wylan’s heart started beating against his ribs at that. Yes, he’d played a part of that before, had played and hummed the melody hundreds of times, had even sung it last night when he’d been alone, but he wasn’t sure whether he could sing that in front of other people who were properly listening to him.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that, if I’m good enough.”

“You’re much better than you think you are, you just have to believe in yourself. I certainly do.”

Kaz didn’t wait for a reaction or some kind of answer, he simply turned around and left Wylan alone to practise and make up his mind. Kaz had high hopes that Wylan would decide to play his own music instead of something someone else had written. There was nothing wrong with that, and Wylan’s voice sounded beautiful, almost ethereal no matter what, but something that he’d come up with himself carried way more meaning and feeling, and that was what would wow the audiences. Maybe it was a bit about winning that contest for Kaz as well, to show Pekka Rollins that he could beat him there as well.

Wylan set to work and practised on the piano. He had to admit that it felt incredibly good to be sitting on a piano again, properly this time and not just for a few moments. It was warm here, he had everything he needed, and he didn’t need to worry about anyone shooing him away from the instrument because he didn’t deserve to play, no matter how good he was. And he was good, better than good actually, because he’d learned a lot from his mother. He wasn’t as rusty as he’d led Kaz to believe, it had just been a way to weave himself out of that situation, because he’d been unsure whether it was a good idea or not. In the end, having a place to stay and some food, people that he could feel safe around, was definitely worth making music. After all, he loved it, because it was a part of him that still connected him with his mother. Music conveyed so much, so many emotions, so many thoughts and feelings that you wanted to show others, wanted to make them feel.

This time, he didn’t hum along or sing, just concentrated on playing, but something distracted him, slowed down his playing. Laughter. Clear and bright in his head, and the most beautiful sound. He’d heard it before, a couple of times, for months now, but this time, it suddenly stopped in time with the door to the room opening. And Wylan knew why it had stopped: Because he could hear it in person now. His heart leapt in his chest when he saw just who was laughing while walking next to Inej into the room. Jesper Fahey. Deep down, Wylan had probably known it the moment he’d laid eyes on Jesper, at least deep down, as if he had been drawn to the other one. Yes, Jesper was an attractive man, there was no doubt about this, but it was so much more. It was about the way he carried himself, that lopsided smile, and the way he seemed to look right into Wylan’s soul when he looked at him, hsi eyes lingering longer than was probably appropriate.

He was catapulted back to reality when the laughter died down and he found himself faced with two pairs of curious eyes. Wylan’s cheeks turned a deep shade of pink, as if they both knew what he’d been thinking about, which was ridiculous, but he somehow felt like a deer caught in the headlights of a car, unable to move.

“Sorry, Wylan, we really didn’t want to stop you from playing.” Inej was the one to speak, while Jesper’s eyes seemed to be glued to Wylan, on his expressive face, the blushed cheeks that he wanted to touch so badly right now. Jesper had no idea where this was coming from, but he couldn’t deny that Wylan fascinated and captivated him in a way nobody else had done so far. Sure, he’d had his fun with quite a few people, beautiful people at that, but Wylan still had a different kind of effect on him.

“It’s okay. Really. I was done with the piece anyway.” A lie, and not a good one, but he was still trying to calm his racing heart, his fingers slightly shaky from the realisation that it was Jesper’s laughter he’d been hearing all this time.

“Oh,” Jesper managed to say, usually so talkative, but right now a bit lost for words, and it was all due to Wylan. “We were kind of hoping to hear you play.”

“Just a little bit?” Inej sent him a hopeful smile, tilting her head to the side, trying to persuade him. Wylan looked between the two, and since he was someone who always wanted to make others smile, give them what they wanted, he caved. Well, maybe playing would give him a bit of distraction. But he wouldn’t play just what he’d played before, instead he would opt for something his mother had taught him.

“Alright. Let’s see if I can still get that together. It’s a piece my mother taught me.” He pushed his locks back from his forehead and rubbed his hands together before he laid his fingers on the piano keys. After taking another deep breath, Wylan started to play. He easily got lost in the music, managed to play it from the get go. Not that anyone would probably notice straight away if he made a mistake, but he would know and it would bother him.

Mesmerised didn’t even begin to describe how Jesper felt. His eyes were drawn to Wylan, first to his hands and then to his concentrated face, that still looked completely at ease in this situation. His eyes closed every now and then, feeling the music, and Jesper… Jesper felt something slot into place inside him. He didn’t know what it was exactly - or rather didn’t want to think about what it was in the end. What he wasn’t prepared for was the impact Wylan had on him when their eyes met at the end of the song. The last notes were hanging in the air, their eyes locked on each other, and everything inside Jesper ached to get closer to Wylan, take his hands and pull him close. It was scary in a way, but wonderful at the same time to feel like this. It was unlike anything he’d ever felt before, and it had everything to do with the man playing piano right in front of them.

“That was-” Inej started, but Jesper interrupted.

“Beautiful.” His eyes were still lingering on Wylan until he shook his head just slightly, pulling himself back together. “You’re really gonna blow them away, especially if you do sing as well.” Not that Jesper had heard him sing yet, but if Kaz was as right about his singing as he was about his playing, Wylan would leave them all speechless. Maybe, Jesper would get the chance to hear him sing before that evening.

“Thank you.” Wylan blushed again at the praise, turning his head a little to the side to hide that and the smile appearing on his lips. He needed a moment before he got up from the bench. “I should probably… get something to eat.” Because it was necessary, because he was hungry, and because it was there right in front of him more or less. He wasn’t wolfing down food, he ate normally, just maybe a bit more often than usual, because his body was still craving the food. But he was always very considerate, getting a snack here and there, and right now, it was a good excuse to get out of this situation, give himself a moment to progress what he’d just realised, no matter that he’d kind of felt it before already.

“You should. And thank you for that little demonstration.” Inej smiled at him, still in awe of his talent, but also curious about something else, since she’d never seen Jesper like this.

“You’re welcome.” He bowed with a little, honest smile, before leaving the room, finally able to breathe properly again, but his heart was still beating rapidly in his chest.

When Jesper wanted to follow Wylan out of the room, Inej caught his wrist in her hand and stopped him.

“Oh you like him!�� she whispered, not wanting anyone to overhear, but she couldn’t stop herself from saying this.

“Well…” Jesper stopped in his tracks, licked his suddenly dry lips, but didn’t look at his friend. “Let’s say, I’m intrigued by him.”

“Oh, so it’s deeper than just liking him.” She’d seen Jesper when he’d liked someone, when he’d wanted someone for himself, but this… this was different. The soft expression on his face when he’d watched Wylan hadn’t been lost on her. Still, she didn’t want him to feel pushed into a corner, because then his fight or flight mode might kick in, and she didn’t want that to happen. “But I have to admit, he is rather intriguing. Especially when you see him on the piano and know now what he can do with chemicals.”

“Oh yes.” And that was the most fascinating part, the duality of him, this soft, sweet person that played the piano and put people under his spell like this, and the other one that mixed chemicals and helped them steal and get away with it. Yes, Jesper was intrigued, fascinated even, and something else he didn’t want to say out loud.

Throughout the days, they met up, talked, shared food, and Wylan fit in better and better, felt more at home than he had done in his own home since losing his mother. It wasn’t about the place, but about the people he was with. Nina always made sure that he was eating enough, and since she’d snuck in to listen to him play the piano and Wylan had caught her, he kept asking her to join him. At one point. Matthias joined as well, and he was also the one going with him when he needed something. Nobody knew what Pekka would do to get Kaz and Wylan out of his contest, so it was better to be safe than sorry. Wylan had to admit that he really liked having Matthias around, and not just because he felt safe with him around, but also because they had some wonderful conversations. Even to the others, Matthias had said: “Don’t worry, I’ll protect this little lamb.” At first, Wylan hadn’t known what to think of that, but by now, he really liked being called that by Matthias, because it showed that he cared. Something that Wylan still had to get used to a little bit.

They were enjoying dinner, swapping stories, and there it was again, that heart-warming laughter that made his heart skip a beat or two. He’d heard it a couple of times in his head again, but hearing it in person was something else entirely, sent a shiver down his back and made him feel all warm and fuzzy. Jesper had a hold on him without even realising it, and it was probably better this way. Maybe it was just one-sided anyway? Who knew, because he’d heard about people thinking they had found their soulmate, but that person found someone else in the end, or never heard any laughter at all.

What eventually drove that feeling home was that there was no discernible reaction from Jesper when someone made Wylan laugh. Well, it was more of a giggle, but definitely loud enough for everyone to hear - and they hadn’t heard Wylan like that before. Yes, Jesper looked his way, but just like everyone else. Wylan’s giggle died down, and his eyes met Jesper’s, who was wearing a soft smile on his lips. He quickly cast his eyes down, taking a deep breath, before he excused himself to get some fresh air. The wine was getting a bit to his head - at least that was a good excuse for him to really head outside.

Wylan stepped to the side and leaned against the wall of the building taking a few deep breaths. His head was spinning a little due to the mix of alcohol in his system and the cool air hitting his skin and filling his lungs. Was he maybe getting a bit too comfortable here? Would all this be over once he’d done his part in Kaz’s plan?

“Everything alright?” Wylan’s eyes opened again when he heard the - by now - familiar voice, that smooth tone that made the hairs on his arms stand up and his heart give a hard pang against his ribs. Jesper put up the collar of his coat and stepped closer, rubbing his hands together against the cold. Seeing him like that, Wylan realised that he had forgotten to take his jacket with him. Maybe, because it was still up in his room, since he hadn’t needed it today so far.

“Yes, just needed some fresh air.” Wylan pushed himself off the wall again to stand a little taller, but he’d never be as tall as Jesper. Though, admittedly, he definitely liked looking up at him a little. He wouldn’t tell Jesper that he was part of the reason he had needed to get outside.

“But you’re not feeling dizzy or anything?” Jesper was a little worried about him, he had to admit. Wylan hadn’t had that much to drink, but he still wanted to make sure that he was alright. In addition, it gave them a moment alone, and Jesper the chance to study him without anyone watching them, since he couldn’t get enough of seeing that slight flush on Wylan’s cheeks. It was probably due to the alcohol and the cold air as well, but it looked way too good on him, made him want to deepen that colour, just like he’d done before when he’d heard him play the piano together with Inej.

“No need to worry about me, honestly.” He looked up at Jesper through thick, black lashes, before he had to chuckle a little. “Are you worried someone will snatch me away while I’m out here alone?”

“Maybe.” Jesper’s eyes drifted to Wylan’s lips, then back up to these intense eyes. “Would be a shame if I couldn’t look at that pretty face anymore.”

Wylan did this thing when he blushed, where he tilted his head, turned it to the side to try and hide his pretty face a little bit, and it was adorable. It also made Jesper want to grab his chin and turn his face back towards him so that he could kiss him senseless. And that was what he did - at least the first part. Gentle fingers reached for his chin to turn Wylan to face him, but he got distracted by the shiver that went through Wylan’s body, making him forget what he’d wanted to do because he started worrying about him again. Wylan’s eyes widened a little as Jesper’s hand fell away from him.

“Here, you must be freezing.” He shucked out of his coat to hand it to Wylan, who immediately shook his head, raised his hands to push the coat back at Jesper. “I insist.”

“But what about you?”

“Oh don’t worry about me, I’m naturally hot-blooded.” Jesper winked at him, followed it up with a little laugh. Carefully, he wrapped his coat around Wylan’s shoulders, putting up the collar and pulling him a bit closer like that.

“Thank you.” His voice was barely more than a whisper, his heart beating so fast in his chest, that he could hear the blood rushing in his head. Jesper’s scent was intoxicating, the way their breaths mingled in the cold air making him feel a little light-headed, and when he looked up, his eyes lingered on Jesper’s lips for a moment longer than was probably appropriate. But when he cast his eyes further upwards, he was rather sure that Jesper had looked at his lips as well.

“You’re welcome.” Jesper’s fingers lingered a moment longer on the collar of his coat, before he cleared his throat and took a step back from Wylan. It was safer that way, because as much as he wanted to kiss him stupid, feel those soft lips beneath his own, he knew that it probably wasn’t a wise choice to do that. He may be a gambler, but he knew that this job was important, and he didn’t want to risk anything. Not when he couldn’t be sure whether Wylan wanted this as well or not. Not when Jesper was usually a guy for just one night, but Wylan… well, he definitely deserved more than just that.

“Are you coming back inside or do you want to freeze your asses off?” Nina called over to them, stopping in her tracks when she saw how close they stood together. Oh, she’d interrupted something there, she was sure of it. Especially when she saw Wylan’s flushed cheeks and the way he quickly averted his gaze.

“Yes, on our way.” Wylan called back to her and straightened a little more, setting into motion towards the door, only to realise Jesper wasn’t following him. So, he turned back around to look at him. “Jesper?”

“Gimme another minute.” He pushed his hands into his jeans pockets and took a deep breath. When Wylan started to shrug out of his coat, he quickly stopped him. “Keep it. It looks way too good on you.” It may have been a bit too big on him, but he still liked seeing it on Wylan, and he’d realised that the jacket Wylan wore wouldn’t keep him warm when it got even colder. In addition, seeing Wylan wear something that belonged to him… it definitely had a certain effect on him, made the word mine appear in his head, even though he had no right to think or feel like this. Still, it was there.

“I can’t possibly accept that.” His eyes widened, his chest tightened while his heart beat rapidly against his ribs. Wylan wasn’t used to this, to people being nice to him, to being taken care of like this. Getting gifted something like this was in fact a little overwhelming for him.

“Yes you can. I have a few more like that, and you’ll need it when it gets even colder. And you can wear it on the big evening.” Not that Jesper had anything to say against Wylan’s clothes, he was especially a fan of those suspenders he sometimes wore, but he knew that Pekka Rollins would have an eye on Wylan, and that meant they had to plan the perfect outfit for the contest.

“That’s…” awfully sweet. Wylan shook his head just slightly, the smile returning to his lips as he looked up at Jesper again. “Thank you.”

Jesper watched him go back into the building, cuddling into the coat he was wearing. Where it had hit Jesper around the back of his knees, it hit Wylan around mid-calf. Wylan had him in a chokehold without even trying, he realised that, but honestly? He didn’t really mind, because Wylan was endlessly fascinating to him, and he couldn’t wait to peel away layer after layer and find out what else there was to know about him.

Jesper needed another fifteen minutes until he came back inside. For the rest of the evening, his eyes wandered to Wylan time and time again, watched and listened to him talk and laugh - and he felt something warm spread inside him. Wylan fit in so well with the rest of them, and Jesper found himself hoping that Wylan would stay once they were finished with the contest, with their job.

Meanwhile, Nina kept an eye on both of them, to make sure that her suspicions were correct, that she wasn’t just seeing things. And she wasn’t disappointed, could see each of them stealing glances at one another. She’d known Jesper for a while now, had seen him flirt a lot of people into a corner. People he’d had his fun with, but the way he looked at Wylan was completely different. So utterly soft, she’d never seen him like that. As for Wylan, he’d quickly occupied a place in her heart. So Nina took it upon her to take a tipsy Wylan up the stairs and to his room once they all decided to head to bed. She kissed Matthias and told him she’d join him in a moment, but that she wanted to make sure Wylan got up okay. He wasn’t drunk, just tipsy, and he would have been able to do that by himself, but she wanted to have a moment with him.

“You got your water right here, love, so I think you’ll be alright for the night.” She fluffed up the pillow for him and sat down on the chair opposite his bed. The room wasn’t big, but it was cosy, and tidy. Wylan was slowly shrugging out of the coat Jesper had given him, folding it neatly so that he could lay it down. He’d take extra care of this piece of clothing, because it was something special for him.

“Thanks, Nina.” He rubbed his palms over his eyes, before running his fingers through his hair, leaving it a bit dishevelled. Slowly, he settled down on his bed, towing off his boots, for once not caring where they ended up, because he was getting more and more tired, the wine doing its part as well.

“It was a great evening, wasn’t it?” She kept her eyes on him, a soft smile on her lips, when Wylan slowly stretched out on the bed.

“It was. Wonderful. But…”

“But what?” Nina leaned forward a little, an amused smile on her lips as she kept watching him. She was rather sure that she knew what was on his mind.

“Nothing…”

“It’s Jesper, isn’t it?”

Wylan sat up so fast his head started spinning, so he had to lay down again, closing his eyes against the slight dizziness.

“I’m sorry, I interrupted that moment between you two. I had no idea.” But she’d seen the way they’d looked at each other, had seen the longing in Wylan’s eyes.

“Nothing happened. And it probably won’t anyway. I mean…” A soft sigh escaped his lips as he turned onto the side so he could look at Nina. If he could talk to anyone about this, it was her. “I heard his laughter, and when I first saw him, there was this feeling, I can’t even describe.” Underneath the fear that Jesper had been looking for him to kill him, there had been this warm fuzzy feeling inside him, a feeling of utter happiness, just like he’d had as a child when he’d heard the most wonderful melodies from his mother. A feeling of home that had only intensified the more he’d talked to Jesper. “But he doesn’t hear mine.”

“How do you know?”

“There isn’t the slightest recognition in his eyes when he hears me laugh.”

“Maybe it takes a little more time for him?” It could be after all. “And even if it’s not the case, you’re not bound by this, you know?”

“How was it for you?” Wylan hadn’t asked her so far, but he was curious, and if he was being honest, he could use a bit of a distraction from his own thoughts and feelings.

“Oh, we hated each other’s guts.” Nina couldn’t hold back a laugh at the memory, considering how they were acting now, how much love she felt for Matthias. “Kaz brought us together for a job, and we really didn’t like each other at first, but had to pretend to do so. And it was a constant fight over who was right, what the other was doing wrong, I was too vulgar, he was too stuck up.” She shook her head, a fond smile on her lips. “Then we got kinda stranded in a motel, about a year ago, and it was fucking cold, let me tell you. The heater didn’t work and Matthias let me have the bed and the blankets and said he’d sleep on the couch. In the middle of the night, I kinda pulled him into bed with me, because I didn’t want to tell Kaz that he froze to death because we couldn’t share a bed.” She still remembered how much she’d needed to persuade him, and in the end, he reluctantly stripped off his clothes - since body heat was the best way to keep each other warm, skin on skin contact doing a lot for them. “When we woke up, we were toasty warm and had our arms wrapped around each other. I made a stupid joke and he laughed. I joined right in with him, and I guess we both realised that we didn’t only hear the other one’s laugh in that moment, but had heard it before, and could feel it in our bodies as well. It was… strange and wonderful at the same time.” It was hard to describe, really, but she had a feeling Wylan knew exactly what she was talking about, at least judging by the smile that greased his lips right now. “We spent the whole day talking, only got up to get some food into our room. Been inseparable since.”

“That sounds wonderful, Nina. And I can see how much you mean to each other.”

“But it also shows that it’s not always easy right from the start, so don’t give up hope, alright? Promise me that. Jesper might still hear it at one point and realise it then.”

“I’ll try my best.” Because what else was there to do than hope that it would turn out alright? Especially with the tension between them that he’d felt earlier that still had his whole body buzzing a little, and made it difficult for Wylan to fall asleep straight away. But when he did fall asleep, he had a happy smile on his lips.

The next time Jesper caught Wylan alone, was when he was working with his chemicals. While Kaz had gotten him on the team to make music and serve as distraction, Wylan still had his chemicals in a special spot, in the building next to the Crow Club, where he could work and had his peace and quiet. Because they might need his help in that regard as well, and because he knew that Wylan did this to take his mind off things as well.

“Anybody here?” Jesper called ahead, knowing full well that Wylan was here, but making himself known so he wouldn’t get scared. Because that was one thing he’d noticed, that Wylan got frightened easily, and he knew that it was partly due to living on the streets, but he had a feeling, there was a bit more to it.

“Jesper?” Wylan looked up from the bottle in front of him and stepped back from the table. He took off the gloves, before pushing his hair from his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“Kaz sent me to check up on you, see if you needed anything.” A lie. Kaz hadn’t done anything of the like, but Jesper knew that Wylan was here, that he could finally have a moment alone with him again. He couldn’t say just what he thought might happen, what he was hoping for, he just wanted to spend time with him without having to watch what he said or did, because someone else was around.

“I’m alright, I think I have everything I need.” Slowly, he nodded his head, looking up at Jesper, who came to a stop on the other side of the table. He saw the curious eyes flitting over the bottles, and when Jesper reached out his hand, Wylan quickly captured it with his own. “Better not touch… anything. Just to be safe.” His eyes were glued to their joined hands, to the way Jesper turned his hand so that he could hold Wylan’s in his own. His first instinct was to pull his hand back, but he didn’t. Couldn’t do it. Not when it felt so right and he felt the tingles move from his fingertips up to his elbow and further up until they spread through his whole body. How could something feel so good, so right, when they were not meant for each other? Maybe, Nina was right, and it took a bit longer for Jesper to hear him. Maybe not. But right now, he couldn’t bring himself to pull away.

“Are you worried I might break something?”Jesper tilted his head a little, an amused little smile on his lips that hopefully didn’t give away how nervous he felt all of a sudden, how quick and hard his heart was beating inside his chest, because Wylan’s hand in his felt so incredibly right.

“I’m more worried that you might hurt yourself.”

“Oh, so you’re worried about me, hm?” Jesper pulled him a little closer by his hand, stroked his thumb over his wrist.

“Something like that.” Wylan carefully pulled his hand back and busied himself with arranging the bottles he’d just worked with, putting little stickers with pictures and musical notes on them to arrange them.

Jesper’s hand felt suddenly so cold when Wylan’s was gone, and he couldn’t hide the slight disappointment, though he had to say that it was probably for the best. After all, Wylan needed both hands to handle the bottles, right?

“You have a unique way of labelling your bottles. I kinda like that.”

“Easier for me, and it keeps people’s hands off them, since they don’t know what’s in them.”

“Fair enough.” Jesper smiled to himself, because that really came in handy. It was actually really clever of Wylan. He seemed to know an awful lot about a lot of things, and he was rather sure that he hadn’t learned to play the piano like that out on the streets. “Can I ask you… how did you end up on the streets?” His voice was soft, genuinely curious, not judging him at all, but he really wanted to know more about him.

Wylan stiffened slightly, his eyes glued to the bottles in front of him as he wet his lips with his tongue. He’d thought that the others might have known already, but apparently, Kaz had kept that to himself. Wylan knew, though, that if he wanted to stay here, he had to open up at one point, tell them his story.

“The short version is that I ran away from home.”

“And the long version? The details?” Because Wylan didn’t strike him as someone who just ran away from home because something wasn’t going the way he wanted it to.

“You mean the one where my father is embarrassed of me and doesn’t want me in the public eye, so he tried to get me killed?” Wylan only cast a quick glance at Jesper, before looking down again.

“What?” Disbelieving, Jesper looked him up and down, before he slowly started walking around the table. He wanted, needed to be closer to Wylan. “Why would he be embarrassed of you?” It didn’t make sense to him, not at all, because Wylan was so talented, so wonderful altogether that he couldn’t see why his father was thinking that way.

Wylan took a deep breath, grabbed the edge of the table to have something to hold onto. It wasn’t an easy topic for him, but he also knew that it didn’t make sense to keep it secret, especially because it would come out eventually.

“My father is Jan van Eck.” Slowly, he looked up, could see the recognition in Jesper’s eyes. It was a well-known name, a name associated with money, so that Wylan had run away from that was something nobody understood who didn’t know the whole story. “And he needs an heir to present to the public, someone who’s not dumb like me.”

“Wylan, you are anything but dumb.” Jesper couldn’t believe what he was hearing, stepped up to him and carefully put his hands on Wylan’s upper arms.

“Jesper, I can’t even read!” It came out louder than he’d wanted to, and it took everything in him to not turn around and bolt. It wouldn’t do any good, because he’d still have to face Jesper later on, so he could just stay here and face him, see the pity, the disgust in his eyes.

“Oh.” Nothing more came over his lips in the first moment, as Jesper tried to process what Wylan had just let him know. It didn’t really make sense at first, but then he realised the way Wylan had labelled his bottles, that he’d never written anything down except for musical notes. It didn’t change what kind of person he was, though, still endlessly fascinating for Jesper, with a warm and open heart. “That doesn’t make you dumb, Wylan.” He raised his right hand from Wylan’s upper arm, cupped his cheek to make him look up at him. “That doesn’t change who you are as a person and what you are capable of, alright. It doesn’t define you.” Just like his gambling addiction didn’t define him, didn’t make him a bad person.

“He thinks so, though.” For once, Wylan didn’t pull back and instead tilted his head a little into Jesper’s touch.

“Well, then he’s a goddamn idiot.” Jesper rolled his eyes, rubbed his thumb gently over Wylan’s cheek, enjoying the warmth that spread through his hand and along his arm. He grinned down at Wylan for a moment, before his expression softened again. “Is that… why he tried to get you killed?”

“Yeah.” Wylan bit his bottom lip, cast his eyes downward for a moment, before looking back up at Jesper, taken aback by the soft look, the slight worry in his eyes. “He tried to do that at home, and he sent people after me to get rid of me.”

“That explains even more why you were so scared and ran away when we met for the first time.” That time when Jesper had followed the melody Wylan had played, that had lured him in at that moment. Jesper only took his hand off Wylan’s cheek to pull him into his arms, wrapping them around his body to hold him close, even if just for a moment. “You’re safe with us, you know that, right? Crows watch out for each other.”

“Mhm,” Wylan mumbled against his chest, closing his eyes as his own arms wrapped loosely around Jesper. He knew that, felt it whenever he was around them, but Jesper elicited even more than that feeling of safety inside him. Right now, he gave in to the wish to be close to him, allowed himself to believe that he could have more of this, but he also knew that it was just a momentary state.That Jesper was comforting him, nothing more.

“Wylan.” Kaz’s voice rang through the room, making both of them almost jump apart. Their eyes locked for a moment and Jesper was surprised by the shy smile on his own lips, while Wylan looked once again like he’d been caught stealing. It was adorable really.

“Jesper, what are you doing here?” Kaz walked up to them, either ignoring what he’d just seen or he hadn’t seen it at all.

“I was just making sure Wylan had everything he needed. Checking if he needed some food or anything, boss.” Jesper took another step back to make room for Kaz.

“Inej is looking for you. Go through the plan with her once more, and then we’ll talk strategy tonight. It’s only two more days.”

“Right, boss.” He craned his neck to get another look at Wylan, smiling at him. “Tell me if you need anything.”

“Will do.” Though Wylan was rather sure that it was cleverer to stay away from Jesper or at least not be alone with him, because it was getting increasingly difficult to not just kiss him whenever he got close.

It was the evening before the contest, before they would set their plan into motion, and everyone was doing the last bits and pieces so that they were all set to get going. Jesper knew what his job was, knew what he had to do, but there was something or rather someone else on his mind that made him a little restless.

“He’s practising.” Inej shot him a look, before she returned her attention to her knives, putting them in order before she cleaned them once more.

“Hm?” Playing dumb, he looked at her, his heart skipping a beat at being caught like that.

“Oh you know who I’m talking about.” She rolled her eyes, took the first knife in hand. “Kaz will be gone a little longer. Take some water with you when you go to Wylan.”

While he wanted to protest, he knew that it didn’t make sense. Inej knew him better than anyone, had realised first that Wylan had caught Jesper’s interest, and she could completely understand why. So, instead of telling lies, he walked over to her to place a kiss on her head, before he grabbed some water and headed towards the room where Wylan was playing the piano. He’d caught glimpses of the music he made, had listened to the song his mother had taught him, and he’d felt like he’d been caught in some kind of spell. This time, though, it was a bit different.

When he neared the room, he could hear the music filtering into the hallway. At first, he thought it was just a pretty melody, but then he felt like he recognised it. His feet slowed when he got closer to the door, his heart already beating faster in his chest, as the realisation began to set in. He heard that angelic voice in his head, but also through the door. Maybe, Jesper had known it all along deep down, had been hoping for this, even though he didn’t believe in soulmates, but with Wylan, there was something between them, and that certainly explained why. Very carefully, because he didn’t want to startle Wylan, to make him stop playing, he opened the door. He needn’t have worried, because Wylan was so immersed in his music, in singing, that he would have probably not realised the whole crew stumbling into the room. Jesper felt his heart beat against his ribs, as if it wanted to break out of there and run right over to Wylan. His voice was so crisp and clear, soothing at the same time. It was the most beautiful sound Jesper had ever heard, a sound that filled him with joy, and a beat that made his heart follow it, only to end up right in Wylan’s hands. And Wylan didn’t even know about it, what kind of power his voice held over him.

“Knowing I have found… my home.” Wylan’s voice dropped at the end, while Jesper mouthed the line right along, knowing the lyrics, because he’d heard them before. In his head. But this, hearing it in person and with the melody that had been haunting him for weeks, months even, was something else. He’d never believed in soulmates, hadn’t wanted to believe in something like that, thinking that it made him vulnerable.

“Beautiful,” Jesper heard himself say out loud as he stepped up to the piano, not able to stay this far away from Wylan anymore right now. Wylan on the other hand, jumped a little, because he really hadn’t heard him come in. Eyes wide in mild shock, he looked at Jesper, turned a little on the piano bench. God, his hair always looked a little dishevelled, inviting Jesper to run his fingers through it, but right now, he knew that any sudden or unexpected movement would probably make Wylan scoot further away from him.

“I didn’t hear you come in. Need anything?” He felt vulnerable, not sure just how much Jesper had heard, because he might have inspired some of the lyrics in the song, and Wylan wasn’t ready to reveal that to him. But Jesper had a way of getting him to talk, like he’d proven in his little laboratory if he could call it that, and so Wylan knew that Jesper would probably get that out of him.

“No, just wanted to see if you were doing alright.” Placing the bottle of water next to the piano, Jesper gestured for Wylan to scoot over a little bit, and he followed. Slowly, he sat down on the bench next to Wylan, their thighs touching due to the limited room, and he felt Wylan’s warmth seep into his own skin, setting his heart aflutter. “You gonna play this song tomorrow?”

“That’s the plan.” Wylan kept his eyes on the piano keys, biting his bottom lip.

“I think it’s a wonderful choice.” Jesper raised his left hand, letting his ringed fingers slowly stroke over the white keys, pressing one down, then the next. He didn’t know how to play, but he would gladly watch Wylan do so, maybe even learn a bit from him so they could play together. “Kaz is right, your voice will blow them away.” Jesper cast a glance at Wylan, could see the corners of his mouth slowly turn up into a smile. “I’ve heard that melody before.”

“I played that on the flute when you saw me in that alley.”

“Yeah, it caught my attention, and I just had to follow that melody, see where it came from.” He pressed another piano key down, realised that Wylan’s hands joined his, and he started playing the melody quietly again. “But I heard it even before then. And then I heard it again and again.” he wanted Wylan to know, wanted to tell him, but it was difficult for him to say something like this out loud. In fact, telling him I think you’re my soulmate sounded really strange to him, and how could he be sure that it was the same for Wylan? Jesper had laughed often and loudly even with Wylan in the room, and there had never been any sort of recognition on his side as far as he could tell. Breaching the subject carefully, slowly, sounded better to him.

“What do you mean?” Wylan couldn’t really follow. Sure, Jesper might have heard the melody before that first kind of meeting, but afterwards… he’d played it a couple of times here, yes, but as far as he knew Jesper hadn’t listened to him play. Nina and Matthias, yes, but not Jesper. Except if he’d heard the piano in the hallway.

“I-”

“Jesper! I’m so sorry.” Inej burst into the room, knowing that she was maybe interrupting something here, that Jesper wanted to have this time with Wylan, but this couldn’t wait. “I would really like to give you some more time here, but there’s a change to our plan tomorrow, and we need to discuss that now. Kaz just got back.”

Perfect timing.

“Do you need me to come as well?” Wylan looked a little frazzled, but Inej’s smile soothed that a bit, made him settle back down.

“No, you can just keep playing. Nothing’s gonna change for you.”

“Alright.” Jesper heaved a sigh as he got up from the bench, giving Wylan’s hand a soft squeeze in parting, because he just couldn’t resist doing that. “Talk later?”

“Yes.” Wylan managed to smile up at him, his heart and his head still spinning a little bit, trying to make sense out of Jesper’s words, but not really successful at doing so.

But later never came. At least not like that. Of course, they all sat together, talked, enjoyed their food, and laughed together, but there was no chance for them to talk alone and pick up their conversation again. They exchanged glances, a lot of them, but when it got late, Kaz sent them all to bed, as if they were children that needed to be reminded when their bed-time was. As for Wylan, he really wanted him to get enough sleep and get ready for his performance the next day. He could have sworn that Kaz was standing guard in front of his door so that nobody disturbed his sleep. Still, even with nobody knocking on his door, Wylan needed some time to fall asleep, mulling the conversation he’d had with Jesper over and over in his head.

The day had finally come and everybody knew what their jobs were. They only managed to have a quick breakfast together before everybody had to go their way, which left Wylan with Kaz. They went over the plan once more, Kaz listened to him play and sing, and Wylan could have sworn that he saw something akin to a smile on his lips when he finished the song. It was probably because Kaz was so sure of his plan working out. Once this was done, he sent Wylan to get changed. It was a mix of his own clothes - the suspenders for example were Wylan’s, as was the white shirt that had gotten a good wash - and something Kaz had gotten for him, like the new shoes and the bowtie. Jesper’s coat that now belonged to Wylan completed the look when they left the building.

“You’re gonna do great, Wylan. You have to believe in yourself a little more.” Kaz didn’t look at him when they stepped up to Rollins’ club later on, but he knew that he meant what he was saying. And he was right, Wylan really needed to believe in himself when he wanted to make this work. He’d been working on that, but what had really helped build his confidence, had been the people around him. Matthias who watched out for him and made sure that nothing happened to him, Nina who always took care that he ate enough, who listened to him talk, and told him the most wonderful stories. Inej who had looked at him in awe the first time she’d heard him play. Kaz who’d taken him under his wing, and who’d put him in this contest confident enough that Wylan could win against anyone who was competing. And then Jesper. Jesper who made his heart beat faster, his stomach do one somersault after the other with merely existing. They all treated him like one of them, like he belonged into their little found family. He had to do this, had to win this for them.

“Brekker, you really think you have a chance?” Pekka Rollins sneered, looking from Kaz to Wylan and back. If it weren’t for Kaz, Wylan would feel intimidated, but Kaz stood like a shield between them.

“I wouldn’t be here if I weren’t sure of that, Rollins.” Kaz leaned forward onto his cane, getting into Rollins’ space for a moment, before he pulled back again.

“I know you’re onto something.”

“If you find out what that is, let me know. I’m just here to win your little contest and annoy the hell out of you with that.” It was definitely enough to rile Pekka Rollins up, he knew that, but he also knew that he would keep an eye out for everyone else on Kaz's team.

Wylan didn’t understand what Rollins was mumbling into his beard, and it was probably better this way. He needed to concentrate on the contest - and on not getting intimidated by the sheer size of the crowd.

“You’ll do fine, don’t worry.” Kaz seemed to sense what was going through Wylan’s mind, or maybe he picked up on his slightly fidgety hands. Whatever it was, it managed to soothe Wylan a little bit.

Kaz seemed to be completely at ease here, ignoring Pekka Rollins’ eyes that darted to him again and again. He only took a look at his watch every now and then, applauded the contestants, until it was time for them to head behind the stage to get Wylan ready. Kaz took the coat off him and looked him over once more.

“Show them what you’re made of.” Kaz nodded at him, before he sent him onto the stage.

Wylan’s heart was beating so fast, he thought everyone would hear it, that it might just hop out of his body and run away. But that was something he wouldn’t do in person. Not when everyone was counting on him to do his part. And so, he settled down on the piano, closed his eyes for a moment and thought of the people he was doing that for. Slowly, but surely, a smile appeared on his lips. A smile that widened when his thoughts stopped on Jesper. On the way he looked at him, the way his hands felt against his skin. And so, with that in mind, thinking of Jesper, he started playing.

He played his heart out, the lyrics all the more meaningful because he was thinking about the one person who made the place he was in now a home for him. Everyone had done their part in this, had made him feel welcome, but it was Jesper who had an effect on him that he couldn’t put into words. It felt like an eternity and a fraction of a second at the same time until he was finished. The last notes died down and Wylan opened his eyes to look at the crowd, and all of a sudden, he realised that they were clapping, getting up from their seats, yelling his praise. It was overwhelming, and yet, someone was missing to celebrate this. He knew that this was just their cover, but it still felt like a huge accomplishment for him, that he wanted to share with the others.

“How are you feeling?” Kaz asked him when he stepped down from the stage and they could go back to their table.

“I… feel like my whole body is buzzing.” Wylan couldn’t stop smiling as he sat down.

“I’m really proud of you.” And those were the last words Kaz said to him, making him beam. It filled his heart with joy that he felt that way, that he had played his part well. In the end, it didn’t matter whether Wylan would win or not, because the others were hopefully successful as well.

Still, Kaz and him had to stay until the end of the contest, until they called out the winner, and Wylan tried not to get antsy. He had only been the man in the background now and then, not part of the actual plan, so he had no idea whether they communicated in between or not. Kaz on the other hand seemed to be as cool as always, but that could just be facade. Wylan couldn’t know, and so they sat and waited - until Wylan was called up as the winner of the contest.

He needed a moment to realise that it was really his name being called, and Kaz had to nudge him with his cane to get him to stand up. A little shaky on his legs, he walked up to the stage to accept his prize, give a little thank you, because he wasn’t able to do or say more, and then the party was on. Just the right time for Kaz and him to get away, right? Wylan made his way down the stage and over to Kaz again, offering him the envelope with the money.

“This is yours, Wylan. Keep it.”

“But you-”

“No, it’s all yours. You did the work and won with your song.”

“Kaz.”

Both of them turned, a little surprised and at the same time alarmed when they saw Inej. The look on her face was rather telling.

“What’s going on?” Kaz looked her over, seeing no injuries on her, he allowed himself to breathe. Wylan on the other hand felt his stomach drop.

“We did it, don’t worry.” But deep down, she knew that it wasn’t the job he was worried about. It was what she wasn’t telling him straight away.

“Let’s get out.” Kaz lead the way, watching out the Pekka didn’t catch a glimpse of them, because he knew that he would let someone follow them, and Kaz really didn’t want or need that to happen.

“Speak,” Kaz said as soon as they were far away from the club, already on their way to the Crow Club, to their home.

“It’s Jesper. He fell and hit his head.” Inej cast a quick glance at Wylan before looking at Kaz again. Wylan’s heart sank, his throat felt like someone was squishing it together, making it hard for him to breath, but he had to keep up with them.

“How is he doing?”

“He’ll be fine, that’s what the doc said.” Before Kaz could reprimand her, she added: “No, we didn’t take him to the hospital. He’s got a bump on his head and needs some rest, and his wrist is hurt.”

“So, no major injuries. He’ll be fine.”

“Yes.” Inej looked at Wylan once more, hanging back behind Kaz so she could take Wylan’s hand, squeeze it in encouragement. “He really will be fine, okay? Some rest will do the trick, he just needs someone to watch over him, so that he doesn’t get up if there is no need.”

“Okay. I’ll do that.” Wylan didn’t even have to think about it. He wouldn’t be able to sit still or sleep at all anyway, so he’d much rather stay with Jesper, watching out for him.

When they got there, Wylan realised that he hadn’t been in Jesper’s room before. Jesper had been in his at the very beginning, but apart from that not at all. Wylan cast a look around, the bottle of water in his right hand. There were clothes strewn around, but it didn’t look messy like that, instead, that made the room all the more cosier. It showed that someone was living here who had a thing for nice clothes, who had maybe a bit too many clothes to fit into the closet. Wylan had to smile to himself as he approached the bed and pulled up a chair so he could sit down.

“Hey,” Jesper said as he opened his eyes, needing a moment to focus on Wylan, his voice a little gruff, because he’d just woken up.

“Hey… go back to sleep. You need it.” Wylan put the bottle down and scooted a bit closer to the bed. When Jesper reached for his hand, Wylan’s eyes widened a little, but he didn’t pull back. Apparently, he needed that kind of contact as well to be sure that Jesper was okay. That it was only a small injury that would heal in no time.

“Don’t wanna sleep. Not when I can talk to you instead.” There it was, that winning smile that Wylan loved to see on him, that always managed to elicit that fluttering feeling inside him.

“And here I was told that you need to rest.”

“I can rest later.” He pulled Wylan a bit closer by his hand, still smiling up at him as he placed Wylan’s hand on his chest, right above his heart, covering it with his own hand to keep it there.

“What happened?” Wylan asked quietly, feeling the warmth from Jesper’s chest seep into his hand, feeling his heart beat rapidly, just like his own. It felt like they were beating in sync.

“Well… I got a little distracted. Things like that happen.” Jesper squeezed his hand, not wanting to think about it, or tell him outright just why he got distracted, though he had a feeling that it would come out one way or another. “I heard you sing. You sounded even more beautiful than yesterday.”

“That’s… thank you.” Wylan cast his eyes down, trying to hide the blush on his cheeks, when something hit him and he looked back up at Jesper. “Wait, how could you hear me? You weren’t anywhere near.” It didn’t make sense, not at all.

“That’s what I was trying to tell you yesterday.” Jesper slowly tried to sit up, but Wylan was quick to push him back into the pillows. Jesper seized that moment to pull him into the bed, so that he could sit there. Normally, Wylan would protest, get up again, but with Jesper, he couldn’t, didn’t even want to, because being close to him like this soothed something deep inside him.

“What?” he asked quietly, his thumb beginning to stroke over his chest, the hand still caught against it by Jesper.

“I hear you sing even when you’re not in the same room. It started months ago, but it was only humming, that same melody over and over again. And then I heard your voice, but only those two lines.” Jesper pressed his lips together, looking down at their joined hands on his chest. Wylan had to feel how quick and hard his heart was beating for him, but he didn’t care. In fact, he wanted him to know. “Yesterday, it finally clicked and I realised that it was you all along. That I heard you. I didn’t hear your laughter, but something equally beautiful.” Slowly he raised Wylan’s hand to his lips to press a soft kiss to his palm.

Wylan’s heart skipped a few beats at the realisation. He’d been hoping for this, for Jesper being that person for him, that it wasn’t just one-sided. Now, it made sense that there hadn’t been any recognition on Jesper’s face when he’d heard Wylan laugh. It seemed to be different for him. While Wylan had heard his laughter, Jesper had heard his singing, something equally personal, especially with the lyrics being about him by now.

“Can you please… say something? I’m really not good with silences.”

“I heard you, too. Your laughter.” Wylan eventually looked up and into Jesper’s eyes. “I just didn’t think you’d heard me in any way, so… I was scared to say anything.” He shook his head a little, still a little dazed that this was really happening, that there was a reason why Jesper hadn’t reacted to his laughter. “But you… your laughter really got me through some terrible days and nights.” Not only because he’d heard it now and then, but more because he’d been able to remember it, think of it and realise that there was someone out there. Someone who would probably love him for who he was, not judge him for the things he couldn’t do. With Jesper, he already knew that he didn’t judge him, that he was looking past these imperfections.

“And I will make sure that you won’t have any of these horrible days and nights anymore or at least sit through them with you.” Because he knew that some nights could be terrible no matter where you were, so he would sit by Wylan’s side, hold him in his arms, and do whatever he needed. He wouldn’t let him go anymore, that was for sure.

“Will you just-” he started, but couldn’t finish the sentence because of the most wonderful of reasons: Wylan’s lips finally on his own. Jesper felt like his heart would explode, and it was the same for Wylan in that moment, whose gentle fingers stroked over Jesper’s cheek, while the other one was still on his chest. Meanwhile Jesper managed to pull him close and half on top of him, needing him as close as possible right now.

“You think that’s wise?” Wylan whispered against his lips, trying to push himself up a little bit so that his weight wasn’t completely on Jesper. He was still hurt after all.

“Mhm.. very wise.” Jesper kissed him again, held him close as he let go of the hand against his chest and pushed his fingers into the soft strands of Wylan’s hair - something he’d been dying to do ever since laying eyes on him. A soft moan landed in the kiss, opening up Wylan’s lips so Jesper could softly lick into his mouth, wrapping his arm around him a little tighter.

Wylan’s head was spinning, it was the most wonderful feeling, and he couldn’t keep his hands to himself, let his fingertips trail over Jesper’s cheek, his neck, down to his chest, the little patch of skin left bare where his shirt was unbuttoned. It still felt a bit surreal, but the way Jesper held onto him, held him tight against his own body, made it clear that this was really happening and not something he’d conjured up.

When their lips parted, neither of them could stop smiling. As much as they enjoyed this, they both knew that they needed some rest, Jesper even more so than Wylan, and since he was here to watch out for Jesper, make sure that he got said rest, he pulled back a bit more, earning him a grunt from Jesper, who immediately tried to pull him back.

“I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry. But you need some sleep.”

“Boring.” Jesper sank back into the pillows and gave a sigh.

“Tell you what, I’ll lie down with you and we can both get some sleep, okay?”

“That does sound rather tempting.” Now, Jesper really did pull him back, kept his arm wrapped around him as Wylan cuddled up to his side, placed his hand on Jesper’s sternum. “Maybe, you could sing something to me? Just for me this time?”

Wylan lifted his head to look at him, a fond smile on his lips, as his heart beat a little faster again. “Of course.”

Jesper turned his head to the side to kiss his forehead, realising how tired he really was, how much his head hurt, now that they were both getting comfortable like this. Now that he had the man who’d captured his heart by his side. And when Wylan began to sing quietly for him, he knew that he’d arrived. He hadn’t known that he’d still been on some kind of journey, but now, here in his room, with Wylan by his side, he was finally, finally home.

Jesper Fahey may not have believed in soulmates a couple of weeks ago, but Wylan had shown him just how wrong he’d been.

#wesper #wesper fic #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #jesper x wylan #wylan x jesper #six of crows fanfic #shadow and bone #staffi writes #wesper fanfiction #wesper fluff #six of crows #wylan van sunshine #grishaverse fic #wesper fanfic #six of crows fic

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butter--peanut · 2 years

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Favourite ObiKaka/KakaObi headcanons or AUs?

Sorry I took so long to get to this! I’ve been on a tumblr break until a few days ago when I got reeled in again by pretty art. My kkob hcs are a bit boring and most are already in my fics but ANYWAY

- They’re switches. They take care of each-other, and they can also completely wreck each-other. (The side-effect of this hc is I can enjoy either of them as a dom in fic. More food for me :) )

- Kakashi has a tendency for self-deception for safety which makes him a terrible communicator, and this carries through to relationships. So in most AUs where they get together, Obito has to initiate.

- But Kakashi has no problem with sex when he doesn’t care too much about the person. Casual hook-ups are fun and easy and don’t require complex emotional interactions. So of the two of them, he tends to be more experienced.

- Kakashi realised he was in love with Obito after Kannabi bridge but it had been lying under the surface earlier too (see: tendency for self-deception)

- Obito always loved both Kakashi and Rin, but it was easier to love Rin because she returned his affection whereas Kakashi insulted him and pissed him off and pushed him away.

- I know the scene from the anime where Obito says Kakashi is amazing is a filler, but it’s my canon, forever, absolutely enshrined.

That’s pretty much it, I don’t hold too strongly to hcs because I like to see where the author/artist takes me and I really really strongly believe that most dynamics can work if they’re framed in the right way. I just love character development/relationship development and want to see how things can be transformed from the pieces we have from canon

#bp answers #obkk #kkob #kakaobi #obikaka

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everybody-loves-purdy · 9 months

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As much as I dislike DotC… rereading it, I’m rereading it now and I realize that people can be a big nitpicky on some things.

While I agree with people who say that Gray Wing is used to display the Erins fatphobia, misogyny, and weird hatred for adoption, Clear Sky is horribly written and the authors push his terrible redemption arc too much, and Thunder is boring. I agree with people who say that Wind Runner is another character that the fandom loves and calls a “girlboss” when they really just constantly treat others poorly. I understand when people say that this arc (and era in general) has WAY too much fridging.

But that being said, there is a scene from The First Battle that shows Thunder trying to stop others from battle training, and afterwards having to have Turtle tail sit him down and help him understand why exactly that’s happening and he DOES understand eventually. And in this scene, Wind Runner was being a jerk to him. She compared him to Clear Sky, showed very clear disliking towards him before this scene in this exact chapter and is just altogether aggressive towards him. Keep in mind, he is barely an adult here and he is STILL processing the fact that his father sucks.

But I saw someone taking this scene out of context. They made it seem like he was trying to stop an actual battle, and they removed some of Wind Runners lines where she totally crossed the line and basically bullied him. And they didn’t show the scene where Thunder grows to understand why they are doing what they are doing. It’s… Bad. And I honestly believed them before I read the book.

I do disagree about Clear Sky, I personally think his writing is great just because of how consistently shitty he is despite his views changing but that’s a discussion for another time lol and probably for one when I do actually reread dotc. And there is a bit where Gray Wing realises that his adopted children mean just the same to him as his new biological children (he expects the love to feel different but it isn’t) But yeah everything else in that first paragraph I agree with.

I don’t blame you for believing that was real. Misinformation is rampant in the warriors fandom, made so much worse (and often caused) by people cherrypicking bits of the books. People think “oh look they include the text so that must mean their point is accurate!” Not realising half the relevant section has been conveniently missed out. I always try my best to convey the full picture myself as I feel it is important that people get the full context and make their own choices. But I have seen so many posts where people say things about a character and then it’s the most cherrypicked quotes possible. I think it’s much worse with the newer arcs because less people read them, but it does still happen with the older books. I’ve noticed Dawn of the clans be a particular victim of this on tumblr.

This misinformation is so easy to spread because who’s got time to read a 6 book arc just to fact check an online post? And this is made worse by many people who get their book information secondhand getting it this way and understandably accepting it as objective fact.

It frustrates me. Recently I’ve seen someone declare their hate for gray wing despite not reading dotc, and the basis of their argument being a tumblr post about the scene where Bumble died in book 2. If you don’t like him after reading the books then fair enough, that’s your opinion, but I think its unwise to put such strong feelings into a character that you haven’t read about beyond cherrypicked quotes.

Another example is how I’ve seen someone who hasn’t read oots onward say that like Tigerheartstar from what Tigerheartstar fans have been telling them. Their impression of him from secondhand info is just that he’s a silly guy who tells dad jokes and loves his wife. But there is so much more to him than that!

I know that this has been a bit of a long one lol, but it is a big problem in the fandom I have slowly been noticing being on the rise lately. I have seen more and more of this misinformation/ cherrypicked info spread around and often stated as objective fact. And it is so easy to do! I’ve probably done it myself! Just because there’s about 100 books now so it’s so hard for anyone to keep track of what’s accurate and what’s not.

I try my best to keep what I say book accurate, that’s one big reason I’m doing my reread so I can refresh myself on everything to make sure I don’t accidentally spread any misinformation. Obviously I have my own opinions, and if you disagree with them that’s fine, but I would never purposely say something against canon or purposely cherrypick in order to bolster my viewpoint.

Tldr: In-text context is everything

#anonymous

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rosieuv · 4 months

Text

I have just realised that it's new year's eve.

Well, staying up past midnight is easy for me as my sleep scedule's a bit of a wreck. I don't have anything that I'm really thrilled about for 2024 (apart from deltarune chapter 3 and 4 possibly coming out that year) and I'm ending on a really lame year art wise as I still don't have my computer and I don't want to have to reinstall drivers and stuff. At least I have the excuse to make the 2024 drawings folder on my backup USB.

I like having things in chronological order.

Anyway, here's the first and last drawings from each year because why not.

2019:

This one only dates back to the 20th July as this was before I took art seriously as a hobby. I drew this in MS paint for a roblox game I was making.

This dates back to the 25th December and I drew this in ibis paint x on my dad's old phone that me and my brothers shared. To play music in the background, I would have youtube as a window at the top and listen to the same 5 songs on loop. This took a considerable amount of time for some reason.

2020:

This dates back to the 18th January and I drew this on my phone as I just got it at this point (the same phone that I still have currently). I had no idea what I was doing and it shows.

This dates back to the 29th December and it seems like I've discovered undertale. This was when I started using my crappy laptop again and I drew this with the touchscreen it had (it was one of those hybrid laptop-tablet things) with my finger and autodesk sketchbook.

2021:

The first one is technically the first of 2021 as it dates back to the 16th of January, but I've posted that one a lot whenever I redraw it every year so here's the drawing I drew the day after. It was for an animation meme but I saved it into the folder anyway for some reason.

I was trying to model in blender for the first time towards the end of 2021 so the last picture is a boring sketch of anatomy from the 31st December to be used as refrence. The last actual artwork was a day before and at this point I had a little drawing tablet and was posting art on Newgrounds. I also started using medibang paint pro as autodesk sketchbook stopped working.

2022:

The first drawing I have in my 2022 folder was technically from 10:30 PM on the 31st as I got impatient, but I put it here anyway. It's a gif but I made it into a png so I can put it on a tumblr post. Technically the first one was this drawing I made about 12 hours later on the 1st January. On newgrounds it's regarded as being in 2021 as it's in EST and my time zone is a couple hours ahead.

The last drawing I have dates back to the 27th December where I was experimenting with art styles as I had just gotten a new idea for a game (what is now known as Roboska LV).

2023:

Both of these date back to the 1st January however the seccond one was exported 40 minuites later according to the meta data. The first one is another redraw while the seccond one is a character profile and I just realised there's no shading on the hoodie.

This dates back to the 9th December and I haven't been able to draw anything digitally since my computer's botched surgery on the 16th. I have drawn some stuff in my notebook though, so here's the "final" drawings of 2023 (basically anything in my notebook since the 9th). The dates are in the bottom corners. I didn't bother with fixing the lighting.

I drew that picture of Kokichi Oma in the dark with only the light of my phone torch as I drew it while a film was playing in my school sports hall with dominos pizza. The last 2 I drew on the last day of school while completly ignoring everyone partying in the form room.

I got a book on how to draw in a manga art style so this is me trying to figure out how to adapt the tips into my artstyle to make it not suck.

This is technically the last drawing of 2023. I drew it on the 26th. It also featured in the post about my personal best pencil drawings of 2023 too: https://pearlhikara.tumblr.com/post/737810429204643840/best-drawings-of-2023-notebook-12-and-13

Looking back, I don't think my change in art style from 2023 is as stark as the other years. I don't like how my art keeps changing and I want to just keep it at a consistent "very very good" and leave it at that as the little changes annoy me as I like consistency.

In terms of actual new year stuff, I'll probably just rewatch "who framed roger rabbit?" and go downstairs when it's near midnight to watch the fireworks on TV.

#art #digital art #digital drawing #artwork #drawing #digital artwork #illustration #traditional drawing #traditional illustration #traditional art #sketch #digital illustration #new years eve #new year #new year 2024 #happy new year 2024 #happy new year

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hannahssimblr · 1 year

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I've tried to write sims stories in the past but I always end up running out of steam quickly and giving up on them. How to you stick to your consistent weekly schedule? I'm in awe of how you keep putting out full chapters every week

Hello!

Firstly, apologies for leaving this unanswered for a couple of days, i'm very bad at writing back to people when I know the message is going to be very long lol.

I think maybe it comes down to like.. experience or something? I've been writing sims stories since I was 13 and everyone was doing it for sims 2 so I kind of got to know what works and what doesn't work for me, along with how to deal with and build engagement. OBVIOUSLY I am not a professional writer or anything like that, I'm just a lowly hobbyist but here are my tips!

Please plan! I get it, it's boring, but you WILL regret it if you don't. Literally, you can just plan in your head and that can be enough if you're thorough, but before you start you should have an idea of where you will end. If you launch in to chapter one and just write with the ~vibe~ then that's really cool, but you might find yourself out of ideas, or unsure what the theme of your story is by chapter five. You want to avoid getting overwhelmed and giving up.

Choose a theme and stick with it. Make sure you keep coming back to that theme and following the thread. Try not to deviate and start talking about side characters back stories, because while it's very fun to do, you'll quickly realise that you've created something that feels a little... disorganized, and then likely stop writing. (BTW! Side character stuff is fun! But you can explore that outside of your main story, in tumblr posts or in a little "extras" section on your blog if you want to!)

Stay ahead. I go back and change chapters constantly. It's so normal to write something and think it's fine, and then while writing a later chapter realise that the story would be better if you changed what you've written a couple of weeks ago, so give yourself the space to do that. Once the chapter is published, it is out of your hands. Currently I am 6 chapters ahead (Very manic) but i recommend having a healthy cushion of about 3. Don't post that first chapter until you're up to ch 4.

It's normal to care about what people think, but don't let it rattle you. Your story should be for you, and your should stick to your convictions even if others make noise or disagree. If you're trying to please everyone you will quickly burn out and lose interest, so don't be swayed by what others want you to write! Releasing chapters week by week like this is an interesting way to do it, as it allows people to view your work in segments rather than a whole finished piece. It's easy to be swayed off course by people's comments and think "hmmm maybe that person is right, I should change this.... DON'T, GIRL. Stick to your plan. Unless obviously, they have a point...

You need to stick it out. The first weeks or months of a story are the hardest because you can often feel as though you're writing into a void. I've noticed that an audience takes a long time to form, but don't take it as a reflection on you or your story. Most people quit writing their stories after less than 5 chapters, so people might not even click on your links until your past that point to avoid the risk of getting invested in something that will be abandoned. It took me a good 3 months to get almost any comments at all on Lucky Girl, and that was fine, because I was ready for it. (I was also prepared to keep going even with minimal engagement, but more often than not, if you build it they will come.)

You have to love it. You have to be genuinely passionate about creating something and telling a story. Everyone has a story to tell, so have conviction in yours. It is worth telling, and it will speak to somebody. Love your characters, get to know them, listen to what they want and don't force them to do or say things that you know they naturally wouldn't. Be obsessed with it and you'll be fine.

No pressure. If a schedule is too much, cut it out. Everyone is different. For me, it works, for others it is too much and they prefer to run on vibes and feelings. I've seen both methods work well.

Tips related to actual sims: people care about your screenshots, make sure that you put a little effort in, but don't burn out creating custom poses, building every lot and creating every background character if that will burn you out. I know I can't do this, so i stick with a style that's easy to uphold, and forgive myself if i can't make everything look exactly right. On my sims 3 story, Dustland Fairytale (SO to those who are still here after all this time!) one of the things that majorly burned me out and made me sick of it was having to build so many lots all the time when all I wanted to do was tell the story. Take advantage of the gallery, use CC and poses by other people, cut corners and focus on the parts that are important

I can't think of anything else! I hope this is helpful <3

#long text post #ask

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talenlee · 1 year

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Story Pile: The 2022 Summary

New Post has been published on PRESS.exe: Story Pile: The 2022 Summary

And here we are, on the last Story Pile day of the year. I would say ‘the last monday’ but honestly, I don’t know if it’s monday to you. It’s not monday to me. I don’t think I’ve ever written a Story Pile article on the monday it goes up. The joy of scheduling. Anyway, it’s the end of the year, it’s an arbitary cutoff point before I reorganise some stuff, what was this year like and also can I have a freebie sir thank you.

I watched a lot of stuff this year! I watched some stuff that kicked ass, some stuff that bored me, and some stuff I struggled to finish. This year featured a lot less hate-watching, and a lot more consideration of disappointments, with only a few Hallmark pieces to drag around because it’s fun to make fun of really bad media sometimes, and it’s easy, and it’s something to share with Fox.

One thing I watched a lot more of this year is anime. I feel like the past five years or so I’ve really fallen out of watching anime, something I used to love doing, and only this year did I really get back into the habit of trying to watch an anime on the regular — a single series a month, maybe, and binge on a few when I was of a mood. I joined a discord with an anime club channel. And the result is I watched a bunch of kick-ass anime! Not all of it got Story Piles this year. Maybe next year. I wound up weaving this into my organisation — every month, I would do one Story Pile on an anime.

But this isn’t about what I watched this year.

This is about what I wrote.

What articles did I write, in the Story Pile category, that I want you to look at? What are my top ten most proud of it articles I wrote? Let’s count ’em down!

As a sort of runners-up to the list, I’d like to start with articles I think of as ‘long boys’ — Wotakoi (part 1, part 2) and The Owl House (part 1, part 2) were both so good I wanted to spend more than a week on them, so they got two articles. These are both, in my opinion, fun and good to read, and have a bunch of good phrases (particularly, the message about fandom in Wotakoi). But on the other hand, they make numbering a list of ten hard so nyeh.

Martian Successor Nadesico

Know what’s to blame for this article? Spotify.

Sometime this year, I saw on tumblr a screenshotted tweet of someone realising the long-term spending on Spotify, and the way they didn’t own any of the music they had CDs of and cancelled their subscription and ran off. I don’t use spotify for music – I used it on my phone – but it did make me think that I had a pile of mp3s on my computer I hadn’t even organised in something like ten years, ever since I got a smartphone. This meant listening to a whole lot of songs for the first time in a while not being served by an algorithm, and a bunch of them were bangers, and it included the absolutely timeless classic of You Get To Burning.

That got me nostalgic for the source, and realising I couldn’t remember the ending of it. When I think about it, there’s something about the finale of Martian Successor Nadesico that slides off my memory. I’ve seen it now, all the way through, at least twice, but if you asked me how it ends I can give you a general wobbling about ‘oh they sorted out the uh, the war business,’ and that’s that. I mean, I watched it eight months ago.

Still I don’t need this series to have a great ending because a lot of what’s going on in the middle of it — this is a series with a lot to say about being an anime fan in a culture where that’s seen as immature.

Knives Out

Here my most significant feeling about the whole thing is about how to talk about a thing I liked and enjoyed, and also, how to talk about it in a way that was interesting without ruining the fun for other people. It got me thinking about the particular ecosystem of Commenting On Media Spaces, and that meant I wound up thinking about the things that went into this movie, or its historical context and all that until I realised that this particular ecosystem made it easy to dilute or forget the messages of this movie.

Particularly, I am proud of the final coda of this article, the last phrase, and it’s a phrase that I’ve been hearing myself repeating throughout this year.

The Story of Tiffany Aching

I’ve talked about how hard it is to write about Discworld stories (though I did write about Reaper Man this year), and this was an attempt to approach it. I really liked this approach, where I tried to talk to you about the story of a character through multiple books, and why, when presented with the homework of five goddamn books you might ask yourself ‘hey, how should I approach these?’

And man if Tiffany’s books aren’t sick as hell. They didn’t exist until I wasn’t a child any more, but I was heavily impacted by the Johnny books that could almost be seen as drafts for the Tiffany Aching stories. I don’t know how influential these books are going to get to be in the lives of others, but a big part of what they hold for me is realising that doing things for the good of others is important on its own.

House

I took my time ruminating on House. I thought rewatching it, it might be ‘this wasn’t so bad’ and that this would be a chance to talk about the way this series’ multiple different eras of narrative kind of represented different storytelling forms. Maybe there’s a single big question in the setting, or the story, maybe there was something I didn’t appreciate first time around.

What I didn’t realise is how stupid House is.

When I watched this series a second time I used the phrase privilege porn to describe the world of House. It’s about the fantasy of being so good, so exceptional, so privileged that you could just get away with anything, you could break all the rules, you could abuse all your coworkers, you could just dismiss everything that should keep you confined. That’s it, that’s the fantasy: Imagine being allowed to be a big shithead. Behold! Our shithead!

And it’s not… really very clever?

It’s just shitheady?

Fullmetal Panic

I wonder if there’s a thread that the majority of the Story Pile articles in this top ten appear to be looking back at things a long time ago. Maybe that’s just a byproduct of having a long time to think about them. But we got a new season of Fullmetal Panic last year, and I got all thinky about it, and that got me back to thinking about the theme of it.

Tomorrow is a favourite song and the anime it’s tied to is a favourite and yes, okay, I had to deal with some Anime Bullshit to go through it but damn if I didn’t like chance to finally talk about the Big World Conceit of Fullmetal Panic and how beautifully silly it is.

Revolutionary Girl Utena

I promise it’s not all just the anime I loved this year, but hey, check it out, it’s a classic 90s queer anime that I finally got around to talking about at length. I’ve been pretty hard on people treating anime where Two Girls Exist Next To Each Other as queer media, and maybe that’s tied to being someone who makes queer media who’s a little pissy that I don’t have international success based entirely on pre-existing exploitation of labour and distribution networks of thirsty nerds, but also that means for a time there I’d be pretty disdainful of a series like Utena as queer media, as if somehow this anime that I know for a fact got criticised for being ‘really gay’ in the 90s was somehow now, in the 2020s, ‘not gay enough.’

Anyway, I went back to Utena, I watched it again, I thought about my history with it. I also finally wrote down not ‘what people think’ but rather ‘what do I think‘ about the interpretation of an actual piece of media. Like I have an impression of the story Utena tells, why not share it? Why do I feel the need to couch it in ‘some people say?’ bullshit. It’s my fucking blog, you’re here to see my opinions and hear me make a joke about Touhou voring Dark Souls at least once.

Harry Chapin’s The Rock

This is a song I’ve heard my dad quote for my entire life and it’s always been part of my experience that he somehow gets all the way to the end of the story and never actually gets what the story is about. This is one of the scariest things I can still experience from my childhood, so I wanted to talk about it in Dread Month.

Violet Evergarden

I feel like this article on Violet Evergarden was a new standard for my Story Pile articles. Partly affected by the actual content of the series, and partly by it being a new year where I wanted to try and do a better job, this article has features I think of as hopefully being new standards.

There’s less of an intent to present my opinions as neutral or discovered. Instead, I talk about what I think and what I feel.

I break down a complex subject I think of in ‘second party’ terms; not being neurodivergent, I didn’t abdicate the question of whether or not Violet is neurodivergent, and instead talked about how I interpreted her.

I took the Age Bullshit element of anime on head-on.

I was able to, I feel, examine an important element of the series that has stuck with me, and try to convey it widely.

I think this article is really good and if I had access to good quality video of Violet Evergarden, I might make this into a video essay for putting on youtube.

Columbo

The question of Copaganda’s been on our minds in general lately, and what about how much of our media landscape is shaped by a literal protracted, commercial exercise from the United States police to try and present themselves positively, so much so that now they are the metaphor for positive heroic behaviour. And that can normally be easy for me to discard because, man, you watch shows like Law & Order or Homicide: Life On The Street and go oh yeah, cops are shitty, I don’t feel that compelled to put up with this series presenting them as shitty.

But what if there’s copaganda media you like?

I decided to confront that feeling here in this article about Columbo, which is a series I’m very fond of, and why it captivates me in ways that make me want to start making excuses. And yes, they are excuses, but it’s still worth interrogating and having a thoughtful relationship to the media we love. Check this article out, I think it covers a lot of interesting questions and why Columbo doesn’t make me feel bad to watch.

Moral Orel

I kind of knew this was going to be the article that wound up here when I started this list. I never expected to be so invested in Moral Orel, which I did in fact start watching once, found boring, and stopped watching early on. But I’d been given a reason to rewatch it — someone mentioning the way the series starts on achronic storytelling — and that got me to spend a night chaining through it and then I sat with my feelings for all of a day and I pulled open a new post.

I sometimes think of going back to that article and cleaning up some phrasing, making things more explicit, like I normally do, because that article was a draft and it was written on the hot fumes of how the show made me feel. It’s raw and it’s personal and it’s angry and I kind of love Moral Orel, a show I will never be able to watch a second time I don’t think.

The article’s a good one, and I think it has some really good ideas expressed clearly and well, too.

I hope this is some fun, and interesting stuff to read this break, and which you can see as a sort of summary of the kind of writing I’ve done this year and the kind of writing I hope to do in the year coming!

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#Decemberween2022

#Decemberween 2022

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callivich · 2 years

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this is probably an awkward question lmao but how do you get involved in the fandom? like i’ve been lurking around for almost a year and i’m not sure how to interact with people? don’t want to feel like im being annoying yk 💙

Hi! That’s not an awkward question at all! 💖💖

I had to think about this because I’ve been in various fandoms on different platforms over the years so I tend to just get involved now without thinking. (That is, after a period of lurking just to see if I like the fandom - because sometimes the canon is great but the fandom is….not so great, am I right? 😅)

Anyway, I don’t think there are any particular rules but here are some things I think can help people get involved:

Reblogging and liking. This will get people noticing you in their notes, especially if they are reblogs and especially if you write in the tags. I think most people enjoy reading peoples comments and musings in the tags. I know I do.

Sending asks - either on anon or off anon. Is someone taking part in an ask meme? Send them a question. Is someone bored and wanting to chat? Say hello and tell them what you like about their blog or what you like about their recent posts. Did you agree with someone else’s tags on a post? Send an ask and tell them. Start making conversation - even if it’s just “I love that too!” The more asks you send, the more people get to know you.

I know some people don’t like people reblogging and adding to their posts. But I love it and I think it’s pretty easy to tell who does like it and who doesn’t (basically take a look at people’s blogs, if they’ve got back and forth posts, then they probably don’t mind) Writing in the tags is great but sometimes someone will write something interesting and it’s so much easier to be able to reblog a post and add to it.

Commenting on fics on ao3 is also a great way to interact with people (and your comments don’t have to be anything long or detailed if you don’t want to, writers still love people just saying how much they enjoyed something!) and there’s a “share” button on ao3 works that links straight to tumblr if you want to recommend something.

Have a go at creating! I know there’s a lot of incredible talent in this fandom and that can be intimidating. But everyone started somewhere - everyone tried writing a ficlet or sketching a drawing or making an edit or creating something and then got nervous to share it. But then they did and they tried creating more and more and sharing more and more work and the more you practice and create the easier it gets. You don’t have to be incredible talented right off the bat, although you may well find you have a natural talent, you just have to start making something and then keep making things. Also, everyone is very supportive and kind in this fandom, so that will help!

Tag any posts - could be silly headcanon ideas or random thoughts or sharing links to fics you’ve enjoyed, if it’s on the Gallavich tag people will see it and start to interact with you.

Don’t be shy! I know that’s easy to say but it’s really true when it comes to fandom. I’m quite shy in real life but something I realised ages ago is that you can be involved and ‘known’ in fandom while still being anonymous (for example, you can come up with a nickname - Calli is not my real name), if that’s something that you want.

This is genuinely the nicest fandom I’ve ever been in. I don’t know what the Gallavich fandom is like on Twitter or on Instagram but here on tumblr it’s full of friendly people. I found that once I stopped lurking it was very easy to get involved with talking to people and sharing ideas. Trust me when I say you will not be annoying people if you start to talk/interact with them. 💖

And don’t forget, the more people who are active in a fandom, the more it thrives. So, if you have the time and the inclination to involved, go for it!

I’m probably missing some obvious tips so if anyone else wants to reblog/reply and add ideas or share how they got involved, please do!

#gallavich #shameless

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mirai-studies-languages · 2 years

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How to start reading again

Hi! I have read probably 10 books in the past 3 years which may be more than some, but felt like very little to me since I usually got through these books in bursts of 2 or 3 days. Recently, I started reading again and I have now read 9 books in the past month. I thought I might give some advice on how I managed that.

Block out distractions. I’m going to be honest, I only started reading after I blocked AO3, Instagram and Tumblr on my laptop and phone (I’m using my dad’s phone to post this lol), and that was because I spent most of my free time on those web sites for the past 3 years.

Pick something relatively short and easy. A novella, contemporary poetry collection or a YA novel might be the best for this (I recommend Rapture by Carol Ann Duffy, The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller and Animal Farm by George Orwell). For me, I started to read The Setting Sun by Osamu Dazai, and that did the trick for me (I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it to others though because it requires...an acquired taste to say the least). Pick something that doesn’t feel like a chore to read, or even finish a book you started reading a while ago. Don’t pick something too difficult, like a Victorian classic, or Marx (a mistake I made several times), because that will simply discourage you.

Listen to audiobooks. There are loads available on YouTube or Librivox. Try listening to it while doing other things like going to school/work, or cleaning.

Set yourself goals. Perhaps give yourself a daily page goal, or a certain amount of time in the day or the week dedicated to reading. For me, I can make it about 30 to 40 pages an hour (depending on the size of the writing), so I usually say that I’ll read 40 pages before taking a break (this is because I can read quite fast and find reading enjoyable). Don’t set yourself up for failure though, and set a goal that is too high, and try not to beat yourself up if you don’t reach it. Reading is a nice hobby, and making it a chore can suck the enjoyment out of it.

Everytime you feel like you are getting distracted, tell yourself to read a few more pages. When you don’t feel like continuing, tell yourself “I’ll just read a few pages more and then I’ll finish”. If the feeling has passed by the time you’ve read the pages, then you could continue reading. If you still don’t want to continue, then take a break. If you don’t even want to read the book after taking a break, then maybe the book you’re reading isn’t for you.

Realise that it will take some effort on your part. It is definitely tempting to stop reading after being bored for the first couple of pages and ditching the book, but if you really want to start reading again, then this isn’t really the best approach to take. If you expect to magically gain a tonne of motivation, then you’ll never be able to start reading again. Discipline is key in that regard.

Talk to people about what you are reading. Seriously, talk to your friends about what you’re reading, leave a running commentary in a group chat, join a discord server, post memes on social media, leave a review on strorygraph - just engage with what you are reading with other people!

Take your time. There isn't a rush. Just try to enjoy the process.

Thanks for reading! I hope this was useful!

#bookblr #advice #tips #english literature

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ellasadventuresinfandoms · 3 years

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Okay, back in May @isolatedphenomenon asked me if I had an les mis fic recs and I went "oh boy do I !" and then promptly fucked off and disappeared from tumblr for like 6 months...

Anyway on the off chance people are interested, here is my vastly too long list of my favourite les mis fanfic (that I'm almost 100% sure I'll have accidentally missed some of my favourites off of...)

The vast majority of these are main pairing Enjolras/Grantaire, so I've put those first, divided into multi-chaptered and then one-shots. Below that will be other pairings!

Multi-chaptered

• Witch Boy Series : magic AU, starting with Grantaire solving Enjolras' curse - this is just Incredible world building which gets better as it goes on - my favourite is the Babet interlude

• World Ain't Ready : you know how fandoms tend to have a fic that is just associated with it ? in my experience, for les mis this is it - and well deserved ! High school, fake dating AU with some of the most engaging writing

• BE : Enjolras is dragged back into theatre production, helping Eponine put on a production of Hamlet - really love the characterisation in this, and this is really one of those modern AUs that actually feels like real life - really good writing

• After the End : the definitive apocalypse AU in my eyes - les amis are an underground resistance to the dystopian government - really wonderful characterisation of Grantaire and the amis

• You never have to wonder; you never have to ask. : I tend to find fic by scrolling through bookmarks of a pairing, which means I often see repeats; this is a fic that if I see I just re-read cause I know I'll enjoy it - the amis sparked a failed rebellion, and now 18 months later Grantaire ends up staying at Enjolras' after returning to Paris for Marius and Cosette's wedding

• Your Heart on Your Skin : Soulmate AU with flower tattoos marking important emotions and events - wonderful concept and world building

• Impatient to Be Free : Daughters of Bilitis AU - if that doesn't make you excited I don't know what else to say to convince you (aside from saying the author is a simply wonderful writer)

• You Dance Dreams : Okay. Not to be over dramatic, but this fic did genuinely qualitatively change my life, in that it was the first thing that got me looking up contemporary ballet and now that's like one of my favourite things and big hobby So. Also its really great writing; music/creative arts school les amis with Grantaire choreohraphing the ballet for Combeferre's opera, with a heavy emphasis on Grantaire realising he really never actually got over Enjolras

• philia : this one is an absolute classic to me, but not given nearly enough recognition - one of the more realistic college AUs ever written, and the writing of Grantaire is so good because it hits the perfect balance of sympathy and annoyance about his behaviour (that's a genuine compliment)

• Coffee Hooligans : fucking tragedy this never got properly finished, Enjolras leads the amis as social justice vigilantes and tries to hide the criminal bits of his life from R

• Fighting the Hurricane : Pacific Rim AU that's less an AU and more just placing the les mis characters in the Pacific Rim universe. Really good and riveting read, also super interesting depiction of Grantaire

• Weaving Olden Dances : Fairy AU - Grantaire "claims" Enjolras to prevent his execution - really good writing, love Grantaires characterisation

• Paris Burning : canon era (sort of) where cities have a physical being - Grantaire is Paris and becomes entangled in Enjolras' revolution - oh the world building is truly *chefs kiss*

• Euphoria is You For Me : Enjolras and Grantaire keep meet cuting in a wonderfully written Brooklyn - feels like a love letter to Brooklyn at times, and I really like the characterisation of Grantaire

• so please just fall in love with me this christmas : Enjolras works for the environmental company Grantaire volunteers at, and keeps getting secret gifts at Christmas - I sound a little like a broken record but the Grantaire characterisation is very good

• You Are the Moon : Wild West esque Space AU - Grantaire has to call on the amis to help rescue Valjean and Cosette, despite Grantaire leaving the amis 6 months before. On re-reading the Enjolras characterisation feels a little rushed, but overall fantastic story telling and the Grantaire arc is a Delight

• Pandemos : Enjolras is aphrodite, and seeks peace from all his suitors in R/Hephestus' cave

• Pining for You : Hallmark christmas romance - Grantaire returns home to work on his father's tree farm, and Enjolras is the lawyer helping prevent the farm being sold - cute as shit imo

• Once We're Kings : Fantasy AU - a country hosts a ball to marry Prince Enjolras and the rival country sends Grantaire as a fuck you - one of the best ways of doing Enjolras as a prince in a fantasy and just really nicely written

• Never Bitter and All Delicious : Fairy Godmother AU - yes really, yes its genuinely a very good read

• On One Condition : Fantasy AU - Enjolras is a bored knight who finally goes to check out the local dragon, which turns out to be Grantaire - I really like how they capture Enjolras' stubborn nature and it's such a well written soft growth of love between them

• That's How Easy Love Can Be : Les Amis work at a primary school; and its secret santa time! very fun portrayal of Enjolras

• The Lark and Her Lieutenants : re write of canon where Cosette is the leader of the revolution - just *chefs kiss*

• If You Tickle Us, Do We Not Laugh : Grantaire is Enjolras' secret android - really good at writing a relationship that's incredibly loving but just keeps being antagonistic and coming off wrong

One Shots

• True Colours : AU where you leave colours on the people important to you - Enjolras and Grantaire falling for each other is so soft and gently written its lovely, this is genuinely one of my favourites

• Keep It Kind, Keep It Good, Keep It Right : this one is so good to me, because it builds off my pet hatred of everyone assuming Enjolras doesn't care about (or at least actively show he cares about) his friends

• blooming : very soft post-dystopian utopia that has just a really wonderful sense of hope and light to me

• and the wall leaned away (or: The Pros and Cons of Tilling) : perfectly realised characterizations of the amis, Grantaire needs a date to her final year art exhibition - deals with anxiety over protest in a way that actually hits for me

• not just one of the crowd : R helps run a leftist bakery and bike repair shop - very cute characterisation, and I think more les mis fanfic should link to anarchist essays

• Lovesickness : Enjolras is an idiot and thinks he's sick rather than having a crush - the writing of Joly and Combeferre in this is some of my favourite depictions of these two

• If there's a rocket, tie me to it : absolutely heartbreaking sci-fi AU about the amis as doomed mecha pilots

• Where I Fall is Where I Land : Enjolras is a Roman commander as Rome's power is leaving England, and then meets the pict Grantaire (+ fun soulmark stuff !)

• You Started Foreign to Me : Enjolras moves to america and R is the overnight grocery clerk who helps her learn Spanish - cute fluffy lesbians with a wonderfully written driven Enjolras

• Love Is Touching Souls : very cute soulmate AU - and one I really love for really truly considering the implications of soul marks and creating historical lore around it

• Ten Years : R is a musician, and it non-linearly charts his relationship to Enj from high school to 10 years later

• put up with me then I'll make you see : Grantaire lives above Enjolras, and its christmas - I find it to have a very fun interpretation of pining Enjolras

• A Cat Called Trash Can : this was one of the first les mis fics I ever read (yes I know it says it was published in 2020, but I think it has to be a re-upload or something?) and it does still have a special place in my heart - Grantaire rescues a cat, but Enjolras is the only one with an apartment free to look after it

• Still I'm Begging to Be Free : inception AU where les amis have to rescue a sleeping R from his own brain

•I'm in it for You : cw: illness, cancer - R has cancer and is being a martyr about telling his friends so Enjolras drives him back from chemo

• walls come tumbling down : sky high au - a very good high school AU with the perfect level of campy superhero powers

• This brave new world's not like yesterday : Enjolras needs a job, so ends up working in a bowling alley with Grantaire and bonding

Enjolras/Grantaire/Combeferre

• In Defiance of All Geometry : les amis are a student co-op house, Enjolras and Combeferre are pining friends and Grantaire is the newbie

• Still the Same : this is very good writing and very compelling - if you can get over the (imo) plot hole of Enjolras working for the FBI. R was an art thief Enj put away and is briefly helping the FBI out, and Combeferre is Enjolras' husband

• To Kingdom Come : cw: war and PTSD from that, Enjolras and Combeferre are part of a group of refugees that have crossed into a more fantasy land, and Grantaire is a lone traveller from that land that attempts to help - that was a shit summary of this very emotional, wonderfully written fic about war and love in all forms

• Gonna need (a spark to ignite) : I always love a twist on a classic trope, and this is a very fun take on the soulmate AU - Enjolras loses feeling in his soul mark as a child, falls in love with Grantaire and then his soulmate, Combeferre, turns up

Eponine/Cosette

• Pretty Girls Don't Know the Things That I Know : simply stunning writing - perfect example of soft writing about a harsh world

• she knows her way around : Eponine and Cosette bond, ostensibly so Eponine can find out about her for Marius, and their interactions are so playful and realistic, its wonderful

• always find me floating on oceans : Cosette stows away on Eponine's pirate ship - I do always have a soft spot for eposette fics (not just cause I ship it) because they truly characterise Cosette in a really considered and interesting way

• There's No Making Love : I'm putting this under eposette even though there is some significant enjolras/grantaire content, because the Cosette characterisation is so fun and cute

• round and round again : this fic really beautifully translates Cosette's bad childhood and then isolated teenage years, and the impact that would have on her as an adult into a modern AU

• Underwater Thunderheards : this is based off the book The Scorpio Races, and is just a really nice short fic about longing

• How To Change The World Without Taking Power : Marius has a crush on Cosette and she's tried being polite and subtle in turning him down, so just ends up fake dating Eponine instead

• blood red fruit and poison's kiss : Snow White AU - Cosette as Snow White

• The Winters Cannot Fade Her : Snow White Au 2.0 - Eponine as Snow White - this was written as a pair to the one above which is just so cute to me

• marriage à la mode : Cosette and Eponine run a bridal shop together and it's very cute !

• Temporary Hold : I personally find this a really fun and very unique take on Cosette - with exams coming up she decides she needs to get laid on the reg and so hits up Eponine to act as if they're already long term girlfriends

Combeferre/Courfeyrac

• better than you had it : fake dating but kick it up an emotional notch - Courf and Ferre pretend to still be together after breaking up for a family event

• take flight, come near : nice and cute low fantasy, where Combeferre runs a dragon sanctuary and Courf finds an injured dragon

Rare Pairs

• The Future's Owned by You and Me : cute Enjolras/Feuilly with actual radical politics and real life organising difficulties and wins

• First Dates and Other Dangers : Combeferre and Grantaire agree to go on a blind date and it's awkward until it isn't - just cute !

• after midnight : Combeferre has insomnia and meets Grantaire in various all night fast food chains

• as you are : Bahorel and Jehan getting ready together

• Almost Romantic : Jehan works at a museum, and takes Combeferre on a little tour

• Understudy : Jehan/Combeferre, with Combeferre's insecurities regarding being seen as second best to Enjolras

• Here There Be Dragons : Courf/Enj/Ferre - Courf and Enj are superheroes and Ferre is the doctor that patches them up

• To Let it Occur (Laisser Faire la Nature) : Feuilly has a stupidly long stopover in Paris and meets Enjolras

• rule of three : Courf/Enj/Ferre as spies and loving boyfriends

• Good Rhetoric : snapshots of cute cuddly courf/enj/ferre

• subluxate, dislocate, replace : found family and chronic illness with Joly/Bossuet/Musichetta

• Strike stone, strike home (like lightning) : so this fic took one minor piece of lore about Tolkien's dwarves and made a beautiful j/b/m fic from it

• Almost Inevitable : Bahorel/Feuilly friends-with-benefits

• god only knows (what I'd be without you) : Bahorel/Feuilly with a closeted Feuilly and a beautiful Feuilly and Eponine friendship

#les miserables #fanfic rec #les mis #les miserables fanfic #les miserables fanfic rec

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whostarlockeda03 · 2 years

Note

20, 28, and 29 for Nyx and/or Cor for the headcanon asks?

Hello my dear!

So fun thing, I had most of this answer drafted for you, and then like an idiot I managed to let my laptop die and lost it XD

Nothing makes me realise how active I am on tumblr until I have to scroll back through all the posts I reblog to re-find an ask meme

Anyway, so here is take two!

20. What's their idea of a perfect vacation?

Cor: Cor likes easy vacations, with lots of time he can spend relaxing and not thinking about anything terribly important. I imagine a nice, sunny climate (not necessarily a beach) where he can lie back with a good book and lose himself for a while. Maybe he'll go check out some local attractions, but only if he feels like it. There's no solid plan and he likes it that way.

Nyx: If anyone knows any one thing about Nyx, it's that he hates being bored. And that includes on his holidays! He likes to go to places where he can go out and do. Hiking path? Great! Chocobo trek? Brilliant! Somewhere he can go climbing?! Best Holiday Ever!!!! . He also enjoys learning about the difference in cultures in regions outside of Insomnia, so he finds exploring a local market or the ruins of a temple or something like that equally as fun. There is also no plan, but that's only so he can pick the days with the best weather to go do his adventuring.

Together: They'd probably commandeer a haven near Cauthess to camp in and hike over to the chocobo post. They'd hire out a couple of chocobos, and then run day trips as they want to. Nyx would trek out to the rings to spend a day climbing, which would leave Cor some peaceful reading time, and then maybe they could hit up Lestallum for a bit. Perhaps another day (or night, since these are my crazy reckless boys, after all) is spent exploring the ruins of Costlemark tower.

But the bit they both secretly enjoy most is being able to cosy up together in front of a fire at the end of everyday before they head to bed.

28. What's their morning schedule?

Cor: He likes to give himself ample time to be ready in the mornings. If he has to be in work for seven, he'll be up at six. It gives him time to get up, have a shower, fix himself a hearty breakfast (He used to skip the meal entirely, but he learnt the hard way that being Marshal sometimes meant forgoing lunch so now he makes sure he's eaten something), and have at least one cup of coffee before he has to get dressed and set off. He almost always gets to work early, but he likes to give himself plenty of time to travel just in case there's traffic.

Nyx: Nyx is not naturally a morning person. He gets up early only because he has to, so he likes fitting in as much sleep as he can. He showers on an evening, just so he doesn't have to get up to shower. Besides, who showers in the morning just to go to training and get all sweaty? His alarm is set for twenty minutes before he has to leave. Five of those minutes are for fixing his braids (if they need touching up, if not then those five minutes are spent watching random videos on his phone), and five more of those minutes are for dealing with the quite frankly horrifying amount of buttons on his uniform coat while he's still half asleep. The other ten are dedicated to coffee drinking and then face-washing/tooth-brushing. Then he's out the door.

Cor would never admit it but watching Nyx sleep in closer and closer to the time he has to leave sometimes gives him an ulcer on his behalf.

29. Any past injuries?

Cor: Cor has many past injuries, the worst of which came from his fight with Gilgamesh (again, a subject I will be touching on at some point in the next instalment of the I Will Be series).

Thing is, most people are never even aware of the worst one, as it's hidden in Cor's hair. In fact, Cor keeps his hair short just to hide how his hair doesn't grow evenly over it. Regis, Clarus, Wesk, and Cid know that scar's there because they were there when Cor got it, but aside from them, the only people who know about it is limited to people who have ever combed through Cor's hair with their fingers. Cor can count on one hand the amount of people that is.

It's also the reason Cor doesn't like his head being touched much. He only lets those he trusts the most ever do it.

Nyx: See, now it's on my list of fics to write to have a little piece about Nyx's injuries/scars and how he got them. And that idea is mostly based around the high res render of shirtless-Nyx that went around a little while ago, as it highlights some very interesting scars.

The one across his forehead I think comes from combat, either in Galahd before the fall, or after with the glaives. I'm not mentioning the ones on his chest/abdomen because I have a couple of different stories centred around them and I don't wanna spoil them! Now the one on his forearm, I like to think came from something during the fall of Galahd, like... idk maybe a building collapsing nearby sent shrapnel flying his way? Something like that.

Nyx isn't overly bothered by his scars though - almost everyone he knows has scars as well, so there's less of a stigma to them. He just sometimes wishes he had less of them because they tend to hurt a lot when it's cold.

Sorry if any of this doesn't make sense, I'm doing this off the back of not very much sleep/being interrupted to do other things XD As always, anyone and everyone please come chat to me in the notes/asks/tags, I love talking about this game so much

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yunhostinyuyu · 3 years

Text

come closer

pairing: frat boy!yunho x fem reader

genre: colleague au/frat au, suggestive

wc: 1.5k

synopsis: another friday night, another boring party you find yourself at. Only for a certain person to turn up next to you to turn everything upside down...

warnings: alcohol, weed, smoking, mentions of other drugs, teasing, yeah that’s it

—

„This party sucks. Mingi really hasn’t learned a thing about how this is supposed to work...“ you mutter to yourself, wandering through the hallways of the giant frat house, intertwining almost like a maze. It’s questionable why you even attended tonight’s party in the first place, but there were two good reasons to always show up at Song Mingi’s gatherings: alcohol and drugs. Despite the latter being hard to come by, since the most frat boys keep the good stuff to themselves.

The small group of friends you came with already got lost in the crowd or are crazy drunk, which leaves you alone, trying to waste time until it’s late enough to fashionably excuse yourself to go back to the dorms.

You busied yourself with observing the other people: drinking, smoking, blowing, talking, screaming, making out, groping each other - it looked like a mess you didn’t want yourself getting involved with, even if you were desperately hoping to find something to smoke, so your attendance wasn’t completely useless. It has already been too long since the last time you had some and you truly needed to take some pressure off - with all the final exams already lining up and stressing you out of your mind.

As it became a little too crowded at around 1:00 am you decided to go out onto the balcony, finally breathing fresh air into your lungs. Not the smell of sweat, weed and rum stuck in your nose anymore. Looking down at the neighboring houses and more-or-less silent area as you leaned your elbows on the railing and dangling your almost empty cup above nothing. Enjoying the silence and view of the moonlight illuminating the garden below.

“I thought nobody would be here at this hour... guess I was wrong.” you turned your head around as the unknown voice spoke from far behind you. A tall, handsome boy leaning against the glass door, his messy hair and droopy eyes indicating he just got out of a rather intense crowd. He reached to push his hair aside, but not helping at fixing the disheveled look, only adding to it.

“Intense party, huh?” You joked, already turning your back towards the tall stranger. Taking a few steps, he mirrors your posture and turns to look at your face.

“I have never seen you around here, are you new?” he asked curiously. You were quick to shake your head and chuckle: “No, actually, I come here quite often. But I mostly stay quiet and go home early so... are you new?” You throw the question back, turning your head to the right, now scanning over his facial features as well as you could in the darkness, only scource of light coming from inside the house.

“New to Mingi’s parties yeah. We were friends before college but his parties are still shit. I’m Yunho, by the way” he swiftly introduced himself with a sly nod. “Y/N.” you replied sweetly and he smiled to himself.

You watched him with big eyes as he took out a little plastic bag, filled to the brim with flakes of weed. “Figured this would be the ideal place to smoke one of these.” he explained, not taking his eyes of the little piece of paper and the green stuff he is presicely sprinkling onto it. You just stand there, watching silently. Secretly hoping he would offer you a hit or two once he was finished, but instead brought the stick to his own lips, licking it slowly and closing it before lightning it. Taking long, deep drags as he puffed the smoke out through his nose.

Damn, you thought to yourself, he sure looks good while smoking like that. But you had to act quickly if you actually wanted to have a change with getting something between your lips and into your lungs sooner rather than later.

“Can I have a drag?” looking at him with puppy like eyes, as he slightly tiled his head to meet your eyes. Blinking a few times before he decided.

“Sure, enjoy yourself.” he said as he held his hand with the joint towards you, but pulling it back again as your hand darted out to snatch it from him. Eyeing the tall one, your gaze clearly confused.

A coy smirk appearing on his round lips before speaking up again: “Come closer, I won’t bite... unless that’s what you’re into.” Ignoring his flirty comment but following his request. Now you’re standing closer to Yunho, shoulders almost touching as you finally got hold of what you desired the most. Slotting the joint I between your lips and taking a long drag. “Ugh, this is so good, it’s been so long since the last time I had some...” you explain as you handed the stick back to him.

“At least Mingi knows what good weed is.” he laughs, bringing the stick back to his own lips. You want to get the stick back for a second hit, but he doesn’t let you have it as easy as before, and you feel yourself slowly getting impatient, pouting slightly.

Yunho shifted his form to face you, yourself following along as he took a small step even closer towards you. Looking up to him, joint still in his mouth. His fingers dance up across the skin of your arm, looking out for any sign of discomfort at his action, but there are none.

His hand moving upwards until he reached your face, his thumb grazing your bottom lip gently, and his other fingers rest against your chin. The stares are growing more and more intense, eyes glued onto each other. His pupils darting down, inspecting your lips, softly pushing them apart. He takes the joint away from his lips, leaning in to blow the faint smoke into your mouth. Your eyes flutter shut, enjoying the moment for as long as it lasts, the tension rising with every passing minute. The palms of your hands are growing sweaty from his presence and aura alone, and his ministrations only added to that.

You catch yourself quickly before slipping into indecent thoughts, and this time you’re actually quick enough to grab the joint from him. Repeating the action to him, opening his mouth eagerly when he realized what you were doing. Your hand resting on his shoulder and his hands still on your chin, the other one finding it’s place on your left hip.

“This shit is so hot.” He comments, you slowly reach your hand with the toxic stick towards his face and putting it inbetween his teeth and lips.

“Do it again” you almost plea, tone quiet, only for him to hear your words. Without wasting another second, he takes another drag, taking his hand away from your chin to hold the joint. Grip on your hip growing tighter as he pulls you even closer than before. Bracing yourself at the sudden movement, your hands dart to his chest to keep yourself steady. He leans down towards your face, lips ghosting over yours as he blows the smoke into your wet cavern, breathing in slowly.

Yunho wants to kiss you so badly, the vision of you infront of him, smoke slowly descending out of your mouth not helping much with calming that urge, but making it worse for him to hold back. The only thing you can hear is the faint noises from inside and heavy breathing from the both of you. Your eyes are blown out at this point, waiting on him to make the next move.

“Can I kiss you?” He asks, voice deep and raspy from smoking. Swiftly moving your hands from his chest, around his torso and up his back, pushing yourself even closer against the soft material of his hoodie and his strong body. Looking up to find his eyes again, pupils big and dark.

As you nod your head, his lips smash onto yours without hesitation, enjoying the taste of you to the fullest. You hum into the kiss as it grew sloppier and needier, continuing the movements until you ran out of air. Pulling apart for a second, before returning to each other. Yunho’s giant hand grabbing your ass harshly as he wets your lips with his tounge before he slips it into your entrance. The older one being in charge of the kiss, submitting to him completely the moment his wet muscle started moving in sync with your own. It all happens so fast, and you’re truly amazed how quickly he had warped you around his finger, pushing the blame onto the weed that is clouding your head.

Being occupied by each other’s mouths and exploring hands, while occasionally taking turns with the magic stick that was still intbewteen his pointer and middle finger, you don’t realise how much time passes. Then, a loud bang accrued out of the blue, followed by the sound of glass shards clatter. Pulling away from each other, eyebrows furrowed in worry and confusion of what the hell just happened.

“Alright everyone, party’s over.”

—

an: sorry I had to delete the read more bc tumblr kept on duplicating and deleting sections :( hope everyone still enjoys <3

#ateez x reader #ateez #ateez fic #ateez au #ateez yunho #jung yunho #ateez writing #college au #ateez fluff #ateez suggestive #ateez smut #yunho is hot while smoking #still don’t know what else to put here

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whatwouldmickeydo · 2 years

Note

Hey! Omg so I have to tell you this dumb story first, I wanted to send you an ask so I went to tumblr search but it didn't find you and I got all grumpy like 'stoopid tumblr search 😠😠😠' and then I realised I had typed 'Leah' into the search bar like it knows who you are 🤦‍♀️ I am the dumbest person on the planet.

Anyway! This ask has no function except to tell you I think you're awesome and deserve to be told you're awesome, and also now to tell you that story about how I'm an idiot.

But to ask an actual question...you're designing the grazing board for my Christmas Carols and Cocktails party, but can only include 10 separate items (so like, grapes are one item but you could have many grapes, not like, if you had 10 grapes we'd be done), what 10 items do you pick?! 😘

Howl, the amount of times I put my mutuals actual names into the search bar expecting it to find them for me… just know you are in good company in this instance. (Google, you know who I’m talking about just find them for me ok?!)

Now on to the best question I’ve ever received in my life (question Friday’s and Monday’s notwithstanding)

Gonna put this under a cut since it might get long and for people that don’t wanna see me ramble about food lmao

OK SO, first you have to decide if you’re doing a sweet or savory type of charcuterie board. I tend to lean towards savory cheese board with a hint of sweetness mixed in

Then, you wanna pick cheeses that are relatively different from each other so you have a nice, eclectic mix for everyone to pick from. My grocery store of choice for cheeses is Trader Joe’s, although a cursory glance at the UK informs me that you don’t have that there and could instead use Aldi’s

I mention Trader Joe’s specifically because they have a few of the cheeses I would include, such as:

Blueberry vanilla goat cheese

Triple Cream wild mushroom Brie

And

Caramelized onion cheddar cheese

And then one more regular, sharp aged cheddar for the boring people that don’t like flavors

So those are the four that are gonna dominate your cheese board and make everything delicious and amazing - you’ve got two hards, a semi soft, and a creamy cheese! Cut them up in long, slightly thick slices except for the Brie - put gashes in it so people can easily swipe chunks off of it

Next is additional accoutrements - (I typically don’t put meat on my boards because I don’t eat meat but if someone supplies it themselves I’ll stick it on there)

- Grapes, preferably red (break them off the stem so it’s easy for people to grab)

- Crackers - at least two different kinds

- Some kind of dip - I love sour cream and onion dip but this can be any easy to scoop dip that people like (can also use hummus!)

- Nuts preferably almond or pecans (you also can’t go wrong with chocolate covered ones too for a little bit of additional sweetness)

- Pretzels! Get the long, thin ones if you can - they look very pretty on the board

And there you mostly have it!

Honestly, the best way to make your board look good is to google ‘cheese board’, find one that has a board or one that you already own or could easily acquire, and then build it up! You can go sparse like a grazing board or fully packed like a real charcuterie board depending on how many people you’re planning to serve.

And yes, I took this WAY more seriously than I needed to but charcuterie boards are my heart and soul and I’m obsessed with them

Can’t wait for the invite in the mail to your Christmas Carols and Cocktail party! What kind of drinks you having??

#howl the way this ask had me literally pausing in the middle of typing a report just to answer this #thank you for distracting me from work #who’s hiring me to make them a cheese board I’m available #asks #howl my beloved 🌿💕✨#charcuterie boards my beloved #tw:food

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mushroom-cartel--writing · 3 years

Text

begrudging (love-)blindness

Summary: You are, to him, unquestionably, terrifyingly lovely.

Relationship(s): Gojo Satoru & Reader, Gojo Satoru/Reader

Note(s):

Here’s the link to read this on AO3! (You know the drill, extra tags, different notes, the format I intended, etc.)

Personally, I think this is hot garbage in terms of structure and pacing (it’s loosely all strung together is what I’m saying, but I just needed to get it off my chest before I wrote anything else. Yet... I guess I had fun? Yeah. I did!

There's spoilers from the manga mixed with headcanon.

I still hate spacing and formatting on Tumblr, it sucks. Please, please, please, this is for your own good, click the AO3 link, this fic is such an eyesore on this platform.

|||

There’s a tug at your chest, sending you hurtling backwards and into something hard. A wall. Tiles. Smooth.

The heavens and the earth view one another through a layer of haze of light at night.

There are thousands of people gathering, their footsteps thundering echoes in your ears. Their chatter is a constant hum in the air. It stinks of sweat.

(“The train will be arriving soon. Please stand behind the yellow line—”)

You sigh.

“Dammit, Satoru! A little warning would be nice,” you hiss to the man. You hear him whisper something back but his voice is swallowed up by the crowds and then he, too, is consumed.

You feel him wander farther away from you; not left with much choice, you follow him. And down, down, down you go.

You pause when there’s an invisible wall blocking your path of his own making. “Hey!!” you shout, starting to scream expletives at him from the top of his lungs and he doesn’t look back.

A few seconds pass. The people, these poor, clueless civilians who just want to go home for the night are like sardines in a can, their bodies pushing and shoving. For space. For air. Requiring neither, you phase through the wall and the remaining levels to catch up to him, the thoughts going through your head solely focused on figuring out why he has let you out. He wouldn’t do something like this without warning you beforehand.

Why now? What now?

You pull out from the shadowed cracks of the feeble curtain set up along the fifth floor underground, suddenly feeling a heaviness you hardly ever experience. You run a cursory swipe over his teeth; the blood in the air is fresh, there are more civilians down here than up above, more sardine-ing (their presence is fading away, the above platforms’ panicked din becomes extinguished, it’s ghastly quiet, a moment frozen in time), but no Satoru. Not physically.

He loves you, you know. (You don’t understand though… Why?)

It’s a burden, draining you of what vigour is left in your soul, barely just clinging on to this plane itself.

His love is a curse in itself, really.

"I don't want you to see me hurt," he had said often, back when you were children, oblivious to the power of those words until you got older.

What they meant.

What they did—to him and you.

Still as the wind, you stand together, hands brushing up against each other's, your fingers infected with poison where his is not; the calloused skin and scars shared between you weaving a tale for the ages that will never be told.

You’re both nineteen at heart but certainly not in spirit.

You lean against him, completely unseen, waiting for him to flick his finger back.

Waiting for him to obliterate the first person he thought he could trust outside.

He doesn’t. You disappear for another time, expectant.

His love is a burden and you're not sure where you would be without it.

If he hadn't looked your way, would you be the same person you are today?

It's frightening, these thoughts of yours, but he usually chases them off when he senses them bubbling to the surface. (You want him to be annoyed.) A casual grin and stance, a flick of his wrist, a rush of wind by your side, then the phantom pressure is gone, yes, gone, however—it's never banished completely. It never can be.

You don't remember the colour of his eyes but there's a memory of you claiming they looked like marbles, buried somewhere (somehow), in the back of your mind. Like the marbles you'd smash glass bottles to obtain, their fizzy contents only drained seconds beforehand; stubby, sticky, small fingers sorting through the shards, squashing ants in the process.

Those very same fingers, now, haven't changed a bit, save for the chipped nails and whatnot duress they’ve sustained throughout his life.

You use them to push the blindfold up to his forehead, taking in the surrounding sights.

Why now? The fact that you can feel them, his fingers and everything else—that’s a bad sign. A very bad sign.

You breathe, inflating the faux lungs.

Finally, you see it. The reason why you’re walking and talking and fully corporeal.

You gulp at the living corpse, its stitches wonky and fresh. Cerebrospinal fluid spills from its face in fat droplets and lands upon the clothes of a dead man. Disgusting.

“So I was right in the end,” you say, more for yourself than anyone else. “You’re not Suguru.”

(Satoru owes you a thousand yen. You told him to burn the body immediately. Or, you know, the usual. But what’d he do instead? He went and passed it off to a third party! Man, why’d that old hag have to kick the bucket so soon… If she was still around she’d probably kick Satoru’s dumb ass for trying to be decent.)

“How are you free?” Not-Suguru asks.

The real Suguru wouldn’t ask about your appearance. He would make a comment about how the temperature has dropped and burrow into his collar. He wouldn’t question things.

The real Suguru never acknowledged you, but he knew there was something in the corner of his eye that took the image of his friend and laughed alongside them when they pulled their antics during missions.

The real Suguru is gone.

Who the hell knows where Shouko is.

Yeah. A little warning would have been nice. Real fucking nice.

There’s a cube with a dozen eyes between the two of you, the crater on the ground betrays its unassuming weight. Satoru’s muted presence, a shrunken pearl of light, emanates from the cube.

Not-Suguru follows your line of sight to it.

Giving him an answer would be a waste of your time.

You can’t, they say.

Young master, please, don’t go there, implores the servants and guards.

The elders, his grandmother especially, tell him not to enter the storehouse tucked away in the garden behind an avenue of camellia trees because that’s something they’ll discuss when he’s older.

He doesn’t listen to them, the curiosity of a three-year-old child cannot be satisfied by mere words. (“Let this be known,” the gardener says in his defense, one cold summer’s day. It is raining outside. His grandmother shoots the only person in the compound that doesn’t treat him like a blind fool with a withering glare. He does not see them again until—)

What’s in the storehouse?

A library of cursed objects? Spiritual remnants, artefacts, texts, poisons, weapons?

Maybe the mummified corpse of an ancestor whom they keep around to ward off evil?

Perhaps a curse, frozen in time forevermore?

Maybe it’s nothing and the adults are all in on some kind of elaborate hoax, he figures. Mm, yeah. Sounds about right. No one else knows about the storehouse.

It’s old and earthen. Wild plants curl the walls to one side and splotches of moss grow on the tiled roof. Where the sun hits least is pristine. Clean. He wonders if that’s where the wards are placed, out of sight, out of mind.

Oh.

Standing in the entrance of the open door with bare feet, at the threshold of the aged structure, fulfilling his desire, he learns why they wanted him to remain ignorant.

It’s a child. (A human…? This whole situation is off.) A kid his age. He can’t tell whether or not they’re older or younger. They might be a bit taller, though.

No, he wants to shout, this can’t be it! He stomps his foot. That’s cliché! Boring, boring, boring! Again, he strikes the ground. Ugh, whatever—

A sigh escapes the emaciated figure sitting in the darkness, hunched over themself against the wall of the bare storehouse.

“Ah, my f̶̥̍r̵̝͐̏i̷̳end,” they start, softly. “M̶̹̦͒y̸͍̮̋̚ f̸͉̓̋r̴͇̦̕ǐ̴̦͇e̵̫͠n̷̢͉̅̓ḍ̸̅, my very dear, old friend. You have returned.

“My e̷̳̭̿y̶͈͂e̷͔̭̎͘s̴̭̄̊, have you come to give them back? Ask for several others?

“I have waited for you, as promised. Come. Closer. Please. I do not know how long has passed since I last gazed upon your visage. Do not be afraid.

“I no longer lust for flesh as fervently as before, I will not ask of y̸͖͔̒o̵̳̍u̵͍̘̓ ą̴͕̈́n̵̫̓d̸̛̳͛ y̵̻͑̎o̵̖̥͒͌ų̴͋̐r̵̦̩̓s a sacrifice to please me.”

Their voice is garbled, the resemblance to a broken radio off-pitch jarring his reaction time, a music box opened underwater gurgling, ghosts beat to the rhythm of the blood in his ears and titter buried mysteries.

In the corner of his eyes distant stars burn, galaxies explode to life and die repeatedly, the vast cosmos is shredded apart. Universes are swallowed whole. The plane he stands upon bends to the will of the one whose gifts he uses carelessly to play the role of a deity and dictate the balance of the world.

People have said [they] reflect the very heavens.

His faith wanes.

a trio of ragtag orphans,

escapees, survivors and starved,

on the verge of being

no better than beasts,

happen upon a traveller taking respite from the winding roads.

a foreigner no doubt

they guess from the strange hued garb;

rest, everyone around these parts,

they know comes not

easy to scum, scoundrels, sinners and

deceivers alike.

mad ones, rushing to death

—without protection i must add—

oh my darling children, you are!

consume my flesh,

defend those unseeing,

purge the blight

and you shall witness

my return before long, indeed?!

They do not move and neither does he.

What he assumes to be their head tilts ever so to the side, gauging him, this fool of a boy trespassing on their domain. This part of the garden, the little boy realises too late, is theirs.

This, the storehouse and now him.

(—the gardener finds him sprawled out on his back come dusk. They help him to his feet and dust him off, the sparkle in his eyes an unusual occurrence; they ask their precious young master what happened and he points them in the direction of the doors sealed shut.

“I took a peek inside,” he lies. Children are supposed to do that, right?

“And what did you find?”

“Nothing.” The gardener knows he’s a bad liar.

“Good. Now come.” They lead him away from the path of the camellias. “Lady Mitsue has been beside herself over you, mister.”

His grandmother hasn’t. She probably knows what he has done and will instruct him to feed the council what they want to hear. My son was too soft, she asserts before and after every meeting with those windbags.

You have to do better.

And his father is dead, so only time will tell who’s right.)

He starts having weird dreams (memories?) several days later.

Trying to ignore them doesn’t work.

Every waking moment is subject to gore.

He has to resist the urge to scratch his own eyes out while he trains.

In the world beneath his eyelids, there are shadowy figures claiming it best he is blinded and locked away and fed what no other soul could hope to consume without issue. And just as they force open his jaw—every night, every time—he wakes up.

Satoru doesn’t know what to make of it. Doesn’t know what to make of you.

One day, he dreams of years of living without sunlight causing you to screw your not-eyes shut and look away upon the opening of a door into your domain. When you recover, you turn to the door, the emotion of curiosity tugging for your attention out of the myriad of beings you’ve eaten.

Standing at the threshold, ethereal, desperate and short of breath, is a young man. In his arms is a woman, his wife, you presume. They’re stark shades of white, binary stars of a celestial system long dead.

You smile, recognising them in an instant. “Ah, my old friends, children of my children’s children a dozen times over, tell me, what is it you wish for?”

“My wife and our child,” says the man, “please, I beg of you, save them!”

Oh? A healing? It’s been quite some time since that was last requested of you.

You skitter to the pair’s side and shut the door gently behind them, ushering them further in.

You click your not-tongue at the woman’s state, wondering why no one thought to come to you earlier. If they did, the price they’d have to pay would be much less than what you’re about to tell the man. Humans are such prideful creatures, Satoru knows this, but he can’t help but feel tense as you instruct the man to lay the woman down and state your cost.

First, he opens his mouth. Then it shuts. Opens. Shuts. The man regards his dear wife with something Satoru has never seen before in the eyes of those around him.

His reply?

“I accept—”

A harsh smack to the head disrupts the memory; he looks up, unsurprised to meet his grandmother’s gaze, wrinkled eyes so very much like his own piercing his soul.

“Being distracted in the middle of a fight is unbecoming of you, boy,” she says. “What seems to be the matter?”

He can’t tell her.

He stays silent.

“Satoru.” She raises her hand, fingers crossed, indicating the void’s opening. “We Gojou pride ourselves on our ability to adapt. That is why, in fact, I say my son was too soft. He could not accept that he would lose my daughter-in-law and the child she carried in her womb to common illness. He could not accept that it was impossible to cheat death. He could not accept the position he was placed in. And for that, he died and of the aforementioned two, only you lived. Do you understand?”

No. He doesn’t want to understand.

What is adaptation if they’ve yet to rid themselves of and bow down to your constant presence? Is that not their most fatal flaw?

You eat them.

One life in exchange for another; you told his father it was the only way.

You were given the corpse of his mother a hundred days after his birth by the elders.

Every Gojou after death, you grind their bones between your teeth and their flesh rots at the bottom of your belly. Their soulful essence fights for dominance against the forces of the innumerable curses the clans feeds you—the hate, the sentiment, the sheer bursts of techniques and mighty powers clashing, click, click, click—you embody and absorb the aftermath of each childish scuffle, playing the bored jailer adjudicator. Corpses, tools, objects, energy and flesh. It’s how you’ve lived for so long without light or human thought to taint you: the jujutsu world’s dirty little secret, waste disposal.

You are, to him, unquestionably, terrifyingly lovely.

He loves you for that one reason.

A means to an end, forever.

(The boy, a few days shy of his fourth birthday and inauguration, does not know what love is. He thinks he does, having read the definition in a dictionary in order to familiarise you with modern speech, but love is not a word to be thrown around lightly the way he does.)

“I do,” he lies again, this time, to himself. “I understand everything.”

His sight is black.

He pushes back against the current, against instinct telling him to relinquish control and reaches forward for the dream that he was ripped from.

Your true form towers over his mother’s prone form, dripping ichor and the fluid of loose entrails all over. His father stays seated even when you lift an arm to draw blood, the man facing you without a trace of fear.

“I accept—but on the condition that my child receives your protection.”

“My p̶̹̽r̴̽ͅo̵̠͐ť̷̬e̶̺̊c̶̻̒t̷̙͑i̵̮̓o̶̱n̷̖͂?” Do they not teach the younger generations what that entails?

“Yes. My ancestors wrote that you were a benevolent being in a past life. That you were a kind-hearted human who accidentally drank poison before being found and buried alive, condemned and reviled, forcing you to become what you are now. Does that still not hold true?” His father’s face is hopeful.

It doesn’t. But who are you to tell him that? That ‘benevolent being’ never existed in the first place. You’ve always been this.

The vivisepulture part was true, but the beginning? Debatable. Your memories of ‘being human’ are foggy; you’re not sure if they’re real or someone else’s. Satoru’s is the clearest thus far because you abide within him. And he’s young, there’s little to garner.

What other nonsense has been made truth in the time you have withdrawn from the world?

He wants to go down that rabbit hole.

You grab the cube and run, warping reality in your wake.

You are many things.

Alive, you are first; secondly a parent, a teacher and a friend; cursed thrice times over; quarter something-something or rather by this point; and last, your hollowness complements the damned hallowed.

You are Gojou Satoru but not.

His skin peels off in delicate scales from the speed you’re going.

The first and last time you puppeteer his body, Satoru invokes his father’s contract with you for the second time in his life.

Like the first occurrence, it happens by accident.

(The first occurrence is a stain on your memory.

Mitsue looked her grandson in the eye and tasked him with a futile quest, one that would decide the future headship of their clan. You personally thought such practices outdated but you held his tongue and grit his teeth, faking laughter for the audience they had.

She reminded you too much of your youngest, both in the way she cobbled herself together and how she suspended time long enough to catch a glimpse of you hunched beside him, flickering in and out of her void domain with the ease of a toddler climbing free of their crib.

Beautiful and deadly.

He nearly died.)

He is unaware of the finer details, but where his consciousness ends at getting a scalpel to head, it rouses again with him standing before the man who has the blood of Satoru’s friends on his hands and left him to bleed out undecapitated.

On a high from escaping Izanami’s clutches, he sprouts math and whatever nonsense off the top of his head and ragdolls up, down, across and through the air.

He feels like a being higher than the gods. Doesn’t mean he is, though.

He’s barely in control.

Violent swashes of red and blue fill the sky. He sees beyond his opponent rising from the earth the heavens condemning his breaching unto their space.

“Hey, stranger, did you know purple was her favourite colour?”

“Whose?”

“Satoru.”

“Hm?”

“You are Satoru, right?”

“Yessssss?”

“You… you’ve got a bit of…” Suguru gestures vaguely around the lower half of his face.

“Oh.” You rub the corner of his mouth with the pad of his thumb and see it come back tinged pink. The drying drool on his sleeves is used to rub the rest of the blood away. “Thanks.”

“Have you found her?”

“Amanai? Her body?” Suguru flinches. Your gaze is drawn to the cultists clapping. “Yeah, I did. Sorry.”

“What are you apologising for?”

“I don’t know,” Satoru says. “I feel like killing these people. Should we?”

“Why?”

“I’m still h̸͓̟͐u̴̦͗n̴͇͈̅͛g̵͔̒̕ŗ̴͕͂͘y̸͚͍͘͘.” Two wasn’t even a snack.

“I’m angry that we failed too. But we can’t do anything now, it’s out of our hands.”

Several days later finds him back at the entrance of the storehouse, none the worse for wear.

In the shadow of the building grows a lone weed.

“It’s changed.”

“Of course it has.”

“Will I end up like them?”