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digitaldiarystuff · 19 hours

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Fatal Attraction

i’m actually not sure what to say as an excuse rn but i’m sorry to keep you waiting hope you like this one and please leave comments they really help me🥹

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pairing: Pedri Gonzalez x Y/N

genre: no idea at all

summary: you were childhood best friends with Fermin which resulted in meeting Pedri since they got close, you couldn’t deny he was dreamy but he had a bad reputation so you try your best to steer clear of him but can you succeed?

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You left uni after your horrible professor finally decided 4 hours were enough for boring you to death. It was nearing 8 pm when you could finally escape. You wondered how you managed to sit for 8 hours straight in high school when you couldn’t even handle a 2 hour class of historical design now. But then again, Fermin was with you for all those times. He was your best friend practically all your life because your families were friends long before you were born so it was natural. Even when he went away to La Masia you never grew apart and you even came to Barcelona to study just so you could be close again. He was you ride or die, literally and you two were the perfect example of a guy and a girl being strictly platonic besties. You viewed him more as a brother than a friend and so when you moved to a new city he made sure you never felt alone. He always invited you to games and hangouts, introduced you to practically everyone around him and even sent you on a few dates over the course of last year but you always struggled to keep a genuine connection with a guy like that. They always seemed too superficial or wanted to use you to get closer to Fermin now that he was in the starting 11. Most of them just wanted sex and that wouldn’t be a problem for you if they just tried a little but no, they always expected it for buying you a 20 euro meal or a drink at the club and it was exhausting you. You also weren’t looking to get married in three months but sometimes, especially when Fermin and his shiny world wasn’t around, you wished there was someone to turn to. You just wanted affection, can’t a girl get affection these days?

Your inner monologue was cut short by the ringing of your phone.

“Hey” you chirped answering it.

“Y/N hi.” as soon as you heard the voice behind the phone you stopped all your movements, you were expecting your best friend to annoy you but it was actually Pedri.

“Um, hi” you answered not understanding why Pedri would be calling you from Fermin’s phone.

“I’m gonna tell you something but promise you won’t get mad” Just that sentence alone made sure you’d get mad.

“Just out with it Pedro.”

“Soo… Fermin’s drunk.” he finally confessed and your eyes went wide, you even checked the time again to see if you lost track of time.

“It’s only 7.45. How?” you were baffled with Fermin’s choices but still had a question needed answering.

“Yeah so it’s actually a funny story-

“Pedro why did you call me? Did something happen to him?”

The thought made your blood run cold.

“No no don’t worry we’re fine. It’s just, we don’t have a ride back.”

“Back from where?”

“Um, sorry yeah just, what’s the address?” he asked clearly talking to someone next to him and as soon as you heard a high pitched female voice you got the gist of the situation.

They went to some girls’ place and now that their business’ was over needed someone to rescue him before the public sees them.

“Just text me the address.” you huffed annoyed, didn’t even let him answer and hung up.

It’s not like you didn’t know the boys were doing this stuff, they were young famous and rich. Of course they had every right to enjoy their life, it’s just…

It’s just whenever Fermin was in a situation like this, it was always with Pedri and it annoyed you. Pedri as a whole annoyed you yes but the fact that he was with a different girl sometimes more times than he actually plays football was unsettling and unnecessary even.

He reminded you of those people on Too Hot To Handle like come on one week without sex couldn’t be that bad. You went without it for… a really long time. And he wasn’t even that good looking to begin with so you could never understand why those girls were throwing themselves at him. Yes his eyes were shining bright whenever he was in a good mood, his jawline was damn near perfect and his smile was contagious but that’s about it. Pedri was not that great, or so Fermin said.

“Who’s that? Is that the infamous Pedri Gonzalez?” you asked Fermin when your eyes caught his at the party currently being thrown at Balde’s house. Fermin brought you because according to him, you really needed to let loose and get some vitamin d (his words not yours).

As soon as his eyes followed yours he immediately pulled you away shaking his head relentlessly.

“Oh no no no no no. No.”

“What?” you asked after looking at Pedri one more time and noticed he was still watching you.

“No, Y/N. Not him, anyone but him. Well, not anyone. I don’t really feel great about Ferran and Gavi would be a little complicated but even they’re okay but not Pedri.”

You tore your eyes from the gorgeous boy in the other corner of the room and looked at Fermin like he had grown another head.

“I just asked who he is” you defended yourself but Fermin was quick to cut you off.

“It always starts like that, then he’ll come over and charm you into the bed or worse, the restroom and bam! You’re left behind.” the way he described it made you sober up immediately.

“Gross”

“Exactly. So repeat after me. I”

“I”

“Will not”

“Sleep with Pedri”

“Sleep with Pedri” you repeated but was shocked to see Pablo passing by you and say it at the same time as you. Fermin was quick to hit his head and murmured a ‘cabron’ and you chuckled at their fight.

Fermin also lost his serious manner for a second and laughed but pulled himself together soon.

“Look Y/N I’m just trying to look out for you.”

“It’s okay Fermin, it’s not like I wanted to do it anyway. I’ll just steer clear of him.”

You really meant it and tried your best to avoid Pedri at all cost since the first time you’ve met and just kept it pleasant with small hi’s and bye’s but he really had a charming personality and his eyes were like magnets and no matter how hard you tried you’d still find yourself drawn to his eyes whenever you crossed paths.

Fermin saw it too and tried to warn you a few more times but you told him to knock it off because there was no way you’d ever stoop so low, right?

You really did find his behavior with women disgusting, even though he claimed he never indicated anything about a relationship or even a date you obviously knew all those girls were looking for it and were left heartbroken when Pedri shut them off completely after spending the night together. But he was the sweetest talker and it was so easy to fall into his trap, it was so lucky that you didn’t.

You finally arrived at the address Pedri texted you from Fermin’s phone about 20 minutes later and saw them waiting in the lobby of an apartment complex. They both had hoodies with sunglasses, if they were hoping to lay low this was really not it.

Pedri carefully laid Fermin in the backseat and got in the passenger side of your car. You didn’t even answer his hey and turned back to take a look at Fermin.

“Why would you drink this much?”

“Uh, I don’t think he can understand you at the moment” Pedri chimed in.

“And you! Why would you let him do this to himself?” you now pointed a finger at him.

“I wasn’t exactly with him while it happened.” he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck.

“Where were you? Oh” you said immediately knowing the answer.

“Did they at least sign NDA’s?” you asked slightly bitter. Although you tried your best to mask it with annoyance for Fermin’s state.

“Yeah yeah, Fernando’s handling it.”

It was the way he was so nonchalant that made your stomach turn. You turned the car on and started driving to Fermin’s place.

“Do you mind me putting on a song?” he asked after an uncomfortable silence and slightly nodded your head. He immediately connected to AUX and put on Bad Bunny.

After a minute Pedri started to silently sing along and you turned your head to his direction.

“You shaved.”

He was shocked you talked to him given the fact that you never did it if you weren’t forced to but quickly turned to look at you and scratched his chin.

“Yeah, it was getting hot.”

You turned your attention back to the road and answered, more to yourself.

“Well I liked it.”

“You did?” he asked with another shocked expression. Pedri sometimes assumed you didn’t even remember his name.

“Yeah well, it looked more mature but given your current state I think the childish look suits you better.” you chuckled and he joined you.

You didn’t even know why you told him you liked his bearded look, I mean you really really did but this was forbidden territory.

“I’m sorry you had to come to get us.” he said after another moment of silence.

“It’s alright. I didn’t have anything else to do and I couldn’t leave Fermin stranded.” you looked back at your best friend sleeping peacefully in the backseat.

“You really care about him.” he also looked back at the blond boy smiling.

“I do. He’s my best friend.”

The ride continued without another word from either of you and you finally pulled up to Fermin’s driveway.

You opened the back door and tried waking Fermin up but Pedri was quicker and got him up putting all his weight on himself and basically carried him in. You opened the door and let them in helping with Fermin’s bag while Pedri carried him upstairs to his room and came back a minute later. You were tidying up Fermin’s living room as he approached you.

“I think he’ll be fine.” he smiled.

“Thank you.” you said without glancing back at him expecting him to go crash in one of the guest rooms but he stayed still, making you realize for the first time in a year you were alone with none other than Pedri. Your body stiffened up and he noticed.

“Are you cold?”

“What?” you turned to him raising a brow.

“You’re shivering.” he motioned his head forward and had a sly smile on his face and your cheeks immediately burned with embarrassment. How could you possibly tell him it was because this was the first time they were alone (if you don’t count passed out Fermin upstairs) You were not cold in the slightest, actually your body was pretty hot.

“Uh yeah it’s chilly.” You tried your best to not look at him without being disrespectful, you didn’t want him to think you were a bitch just that you were his friend’s friend and that’s it.

“Do you need help with anything?” he asked bending down and picking an empty pizza box from the floor.

“No it’s okay, you can just go upstairs and rest.”

“I’m actually just gonna call an uber.”

“Uber?” you asked “You don’t have to do that you can stay here, Fermin wouldn’t mind.” you blabbered on but just as you shut up a voice in your head said maybe that’s not why he’s leaving. It’s still early, he’s not passed out drunk and he probably has many girls lined up waiting for a call.

“Or if you have somewhere to be, it totally cool.” you tried shrugging nonchalantly as if you didn’t care at all but probably failed. This conversation was becoming more and more difficult by the second.

“I have nowhere to be.” Pedri chuckled at your nervousness.

“Then you’re welcome to stay.” you once again turned to him for a second but that turned out to be a mistake on your part because Pedri was intensely watching your every move. Sometimes you wondered how many more people weren’t falling in love with him everyday, he could easily hold a meaningful eye contact every time your eyes met.

“What if we watched something?” he asked. “You love reality tv, right?”

You didn’t know what you were supposed to be more shocked about, the fact that he offered to watch something with you or that he knew your tv watching habits and stood still until you found the courage to speak up.

“Sure, why not?”

That’s how you ended up in this position with him, takeout boxes on the coffee table and sitting closely in the middle of Fermin’s l shaped sofa. Pedri could easily lay on the longer part as he already had his feet on that part but he opted to sit just next to you. Your thighs were centimeters apart and whenever he turned to you to laugh at something a cast member had said you’d feel his hot breath on your face. The setting felt too intimate for two people that were barely considered as friends yet alone one person with a pathetic little crush. You tried to ignore the feeling rising within you and tried your best to focus on the show but it was nearly impossible as Pedri once again made a comment about the sex drive the cast had and held your thigh in the process.

“I mean they have to be faking, this is too much even for me.” he laughed while your eyes were focused on his hand on your leg, you couldn’t even comprehend his comment for a second.

“Oh come on, you couldn’t even last a day there.” you teased having no control of your tongue. The comment was a surprise to both of you.

“You don’t think I can last a week without sex?” he raised an eyebrow smirking at you and you felt the tension in the air shift slightly.

“I don’t think you could last a day.”

“Now you’re being unfair.”

It was your turn to raise a brow being like ‘really?’

“I’m not that bad” he continued to defend himself but you weren’t convinced.

“Come on Pedri, I’ve heard the stories.”

“I’m perfectly capable of not doing anything with any girl for however long I want.” he looked around.

“Just look at us.” he motioned between you two and your eyes immediately turned to his hand still resting on your thigh. He retreated it slowly while awkwardly chucking. Even though you enjoyed the banter, the mention of you two brought back the awkward and painful feeling you had. Maybe he thought you were not hot enough to hit on.

Before you could answer you heard some noises from upstairs and went to check on Fermin. He was now up and in his en-suite crouched on the toilet ready to throw up.

“Y/N” he mumbled quietly and you bent down next to him.

“What did you even drink, my god Fermin you’re unbelievable.” you scolded the boy but this was you trying to be soft. He really shouldn’t put himself in these situations.

“What are you still doing here?” he asked trying to get out of your interrogation but you hesitated to answer.

“I- we were watching tv and had takeout.” you stammered and Fermin looked up at you with confusion.

“Who’s we?”

“Me and Pedri” you bit your lip because you knew what was coming.

“Y/N we’ve talked about this, you need to stay away from him.” Fermin said sounding exhausted both from his state and how many times he had to talk to you about Pedri.

“We’re just friends Fermin, he’s your friend too.” you said trying to end the conversation as quickly as possible.

“Yeah well I don’t wanna have sex with him.” you shushed him as fast as you could afraid that Pedri would hear it.

“Are you okay now?” you asked as Fermin stood up and washed his face.

“Yeah, I’ll be okay. Just gonna sleep it off.” he said as you were walking out to give him privacy. Just as you shut the door behind you you were faced with Pedri with a slight smirk on his face.

“Do you wanna have sex with me?”

You were stunned to say the least and couldn’t even muster a word just let out a nervous laugh.

“What?”

“I heard Fermin”

“Look Pedri I don’t know how much you heard but he’s out of his mind and was saying some extremely dumb stuff.” you tried to move past him but he placed a hand gently on your waist to prevent you from running away from this highly embarrassing situation and slowly leaned into your ear to whisper.

“You know Y/N, all you have to do is ask.” you could basically hear the smile he had on as he spoke and hated yourself for not being more calm and being as wet as you are

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ooh not sure about this one really but hope you enjoy loves💖

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beomiracles · 23 hours

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「 CRIMINAL CONSCIENCE 」

SYNOPSIS moving rapidly through your career as one of the leading female investigators, you never once encountered a case you couldn't crack. though you never expected for your past mistakes to come back and haunt you in the form of an ex lover, accused of murder.

wc -> 4.3k

pairings criminal!beomgyu x investigator!reader warnings for tape 04 mentions of substance abuse, implied sexual themes, HIGHLY suggestive sexual content but not full on smut, attempts at SA (refrain from reading if you are easily triggered by such themes!)

GENERAL WARNINGS ─ this story contains dark themes, portraying unhealthy and toxic relationships as well as substance abuse. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK.

✎ NOTE, this story is partly told in flashbacks. beware of time stamps as present and past is mixed throughout the story.

the tape recordings

tape 04 ─ I know you

April 17th 2022

Beomgyu’s car was just like you had imagined it. A sleek black model with tinted windows and dark leather seats. It ran far smoother than your old rundown Volvo and as Beomgyu swiftly passed the cars crowding the roads, you leaned back against the cool leather.

The silence was making you rather uncomfortable but you had little clue of how to break it. It was awkward enough that you were currently in his car; after yesterday’s events you were unsure on what terms the two of you were on.

You decide to take a safe route and ask what you thought was a reasonable question. “Where are we going?” Internally cringing at how weak your voice sounded as you shifted in the passenger seat. Beomgyu’s gaze is fixed on the road in front of him despite only keeping one hand leisurely on the wheel. “Where was your friend supposed to take you?” His voice is casual and seemingly unbothered by the awkward situation.

“Ah, she was just taking me home, I didn’t have my car with me so…” you trail off as you pick at the polish on your nails. With his free hand Beomgyu swipes a finger over the screen in between your seats, the device flashes with a small GPS and a white search bar — he motions for you to type your address in.

“Where’s your car?” he bluntly asks and your finger almost slips across the small screen. “Oh, at..at home”, you mumble as you finish typing the address, the device immediately shows a suitable route and Beomgyu casts a quick glance in its direction. “Why?” he then inquires and you wonder if he always pried this much into people’s lives. Yet you found yourself wanting to tell him, wanting to be open with him.

“One of my classmate’s gave me a ride”, you explain as you fiddle with the hem of your bag, placed neatly on the floor between your legs. He hums next to you as his fingers drum against the steering wheel. “You like your classmates?” His question catches you off guard, did it really matter if you liked them or not? What was it to him anyways, he only ever saw you for sex.

“I guess”, you shrug, albeit unsure of how to properly answer. Beomgyu doesn’t say anything and for a moment the same stale silence fills the car. It was hard, making conversation with him; you never knew how to answer the questions he threw at you — in turn you didn’t know how to counter said questions with ones of your own. He often seemed to dismiss indulging in any personal information regarding himself, yet he found no shame in dwelling deep into the details of your own life.

It made you wonder what kind of fascination he had with you. You trusted what Kayla had said about him not seeing the same woman twice, so what was his deal with you? Was there something more behind all the occasions in which he’d asked to see you, was there a reason he had picked you up today, and why were you not made aware of his intentions.

The feel of his ring clad hand on your left thigh startles you from your thoughts, fingers snaking between your legs to rest at your inner thigh. “Music?” he asks and you hum, “sure..” He nods toward the small screen on the dash, “pick somethin’ good yeah.”

Pulling your bottom lip between your teeth, your fingers swipe across the many artists displayed. “Do you like BTS?” It was seemingly impossible to read him, his music taste? even less. Beomgyu huffs as he squeezes the flesh of your thigh gently, “that boy band?” you nod, finger hesitating over the play button. You weren’t in any way ashamed of your music taste, but when in the presence of Beomgyu you somehow felt the need to please him, even if that meant changing minor details about yourself.

He quirks a brow in the direction of your hesitating hand, “sure why not”, he shrugs and you breathe out a small sigh of relief. The rest of the car ride is spent mostly in silence save for the occasional interrogating questions fired by Beomgyu as his fingers trace your inner thigh.

At last; after twenty long minutes, the car comes to a stop outside of your apartment complex. Finally feeling some sort of relief you step out of the car, only to frown when Beomgyu does the same. “Wait, why are you getting out?” the question slips past your unguarded lips and Beomgyu raises a brow as he shoves his hands into his pockets. “I’ll see where you live”, it was a statement not a question — with those exact words he marched inside the building.

It takes two tries to get your rattling keys into the keyhole and you swallow a gulp as the door to your small apartment swings open. The flat was small and the building rather old, but you had decorated the place to the best of your abilities — it was home for you, oh and…meeeow~

Your furry roommate gazes up at you with an expectant look as her tail pads against the floor behind her. “This is Nala”, you say as you give the small cat a few scratches. “She’s not very fond of new people so…” your words fall short as Nala trots over to where Beomgyu stands and brushes against his legs in a loving manner, “or not..” you awkwardly chuckle at your cat's odd behavior.

Leaning down to give the feline a few pats, Nala purrs in response to his actions and Beomgyu smirks, “cute little thing you are.” It felt strange, seeing Beomgyu so affectionate towards anything really. “I didn’t take you for a cat person.” Your comment makes him raise a questioning brow, “no?” You shake your head, “well, you sort of strike me as more of a dog person..”

He seems to be considering your words as he lets go of your cat to stand back up, “I like dogs”, he shrugs as a small smirk creeps its way to his lips. He takes a step in your direction, “dogs are loyal, pliant even.” Upon finishing his sentence he’s merely inches from you, pressing you up against the wall of your small hallway without as much as touching you. From this close the pungent smell of his college invades your senses, it’s a familiar and intoxicating scent. He smelled almost minty, refreshing, like the blow of the wind on a cold winter day.

Blinking a few times, your eyes regain focus as they meet his dark ones. “Dogs are predictable”, he drawls, “cats aren’t.” What did that have to do with being a dog or cat person? You had always thought the question to be rather trivial — let people like what they like. Was there really more to what type of pet you kept.

“You’re right”, he then says, “I don’t like cats.” Though he quickly casts a glance in the direction of Nala who was busy cleaning herself as she sat by the shoe rack. “But I like your cat”, he states and you frown, “Nala?” Beomgyu nods as he turns his attention back to you, “you need to earn a cat's trust. Usually that is not something I waste my time with”, his voice is low and you can feel his fingers feathery touch along your waist.

“Perhaps with this one I will”, he murmurs, dark eyes piercing yours in such a way that would easily get anyone entranced. His words suddenly have you wondering if Nala was still the subject of your conversation. Though you get no chance to question him further before he pulls away and ventures into your living room.

You quickly scramble to follow him as Beomgyu wastes no time in grazing the tips of his fingers along your crowded bookshelves; not hesitating to pick a few framed photos up to inspect them closer. Awkwardly rocking on your heels, you watch as he practically searches your living room. “This your mom?” he questions as he flips the picture frame to face you, squinting slightly you nod, “from when we visited Madrid…” you mumble. Beomgyu hums as he places the photograph back in its designated place.

“Do you uh, want anything to drink…tea, coffee?” Your attempt to keep him from prying seems futile as Beomgyu shakes his head. Instead he nods toward the open bathroom door, “go get yourself dolled up.” Your brows draw together in a frown, parting your lips in an unspoken question, which Beomgyu quickly beats you to, “I’m takin’ you out, dollface”. Taking you out? Oh...OH! He was taking you out!

“I, s-sure..yeah– I’ll, I’ll be thirty minutes.” You stammer before quickly excusing yourself to the bathroom. Thirty minutes? What on earth were you thinking, there was no way you’d be able to get ready in thirty minutes. Let us hope that he has as little perception of time as he has of others' privacy, you thought as you pull your shirt over your head.

February 20th 2024 – PRESENT TIME

“What’s going on?” Yeonjun sighs as he leans against the desk opposite you, hands digging deep into his pockets and a concerned look on his face. You grasp the glass of water tightly in your hands as you focus on the way the cold liquid moves rather than your senior’s question.

After the scene you had caused over at the house, Yeonjun had pulled you aside to talk to you in private. “I seriously need you to tell me what’s happening”, his voice sounds tired and you can tell that he is too. You wanted to tell him, you had been wanting to tell someone, anyone — for the past ten months. But truthfully, you didn’t know how to.

You pull your bottom lip between your teeth as your fingers anxiously tap against the glass. “Look, if you can’t do it, then it’s totally fine”, he runs a hand through his hair, “but you need to tell me so that I can get someone else on the case.” As soon as those words leave his lips you find yourself shaking your head, Yeonjun lets out a frustrated sigh as his hand drags across his face.

You knew that you were probably doing more harm than good being on this case, but letting it go to someone else, you just couldn’t. Why? You didn’t know. Perhaps it had to do with some fucked up part of you that thought you knew Beomgyu, that you could read him in ways others couldn’t — that was of course a lie. For the one year you spent in his presence, you couldn’t figure him out, not once, and you were sure you never would, no one would.

“I can tell that it’s affecting you”, your colleague murmurs, it was obvious that Yeonjun cared a lot for you and in any other instance you would have listened to him. This was different. When you finally lift your gaze to look at him your eyes are filled to the brim with glistening tears. “I have to do this”, you whisper and your senior looks at you with so much pity that you thought you might just break down in front of him.

Shaking your head once more, the first droplet falls from your eye, “I’m afraid that if I don’t…it’ll never be okay again.” Your voice comes out shaky and pitched, but you can’t find it in you to care in the slightest. Perhaps this was the closure you needed, to complete this case and write Beomgyu out of your life once and for all. So you told yourself. The emotions you were feeling, were all old feelings resurfacing. Nothing you wouldn’t be able to handle.

Yeonjun sighs as he pushes himself off the desk. “Alright”, he agrees, “but you’ll promise to tell me when things get too much.” Wiping your face with the back of your hand, you nod, “thank you…” Your senior nods, “you’re one of my best investigators”, he says as he hands you a tissue, “don’t forget that you’re also human.”

April 17th 2022

You didn’t recognize the restaurant Beomgyu had taken you to, situated on a lonely and dark street, yet the diner was filled with people. Beomgyu on the other hand seemed more than at home in your current environment as he happily chatted with both waiters and the people sitting by the nearby tables.

Their conversations ranged from the most dull and daily topics, but there was something else lingering in the air. Similar to that of the club Beomgyu had taken you to on your second encounter. Whatever it was it clung to him, the multiple glances from almost everyone in the room did not go unnoticed by you. Everyone seemed to know who he was, yet as you sit in front of him, you suddenly feel like you’re the only one in the room who doesn’t.

Beomgyu turns his attention toward you once more, gaze lingering on the red dress you had carefully picked out. A small smirk tugs at the corner of his lips, “you look wonderful, dollface.” The simple compliment manages to bring color to your face and you bite back a small smile, “thank you.” Suddenly you don’t mind that you might be the only person who had yet to be made aware of who he really was. Why should that matter when he was with you, and not them.

Your waitress had been quick to bat her lashes toward him, to pout her lips and bite on her pen as Beomgyu ordered. Double checking and checking again that she got it right, almost tripping over her feet as she leaned forward to ‘hear’ him better. All the while she had almost forgotten to take your order, and when she finally turned to you, it was with a heavy sigh and a nasty look on her face. Beomgyu hadn’t seem to notice her blunt advances, if he did he simply didn’t acknowledge them.

Perhaps that was what you got for being seated with the most handsome man in the room. Going out like this, at a restaurant, it had to mean that he was serious about you, right? At least in your books it did. You could admit that you were slightly traditional when it came to dating, but going out to dinner — well it wasn’t exactly something that fuck buddies did.

“What’s got your mind so preoccupied, dollface?” Beomgyu sets his glass down as he studies your distant expression. Fiddling with the foot of your own glass, you avoid his gaze to the best of your abilities. “I…well” — the low vibrations erupting from your phone shakes you off path and you glance toward the screen. Beomgyu doesn’t say anything as he rests his chin atop his intertwined fingers; seemingly unbothered and not expectant of an explanation.

“It…it’s Kayla, she’s asking about our next meet up.” You give him one anyway. You knew that you didn’t owe him anything, yet you found yourself wanting to reassure him, not that you were sure such a thing was needed. “You’re busy tomorrow”, he suddenly declares and you glance at him in confusion. He nods toward your phone, “tell your friend, you’re busy tomorrow.”

His words left much to desire, but as Beomgyu took another sip of his drink, you knew that he wasn’t going to let on to any further information. Shoving your phone into your bag, you nod “alright, I’ll do that.”

As another waiter comes to clear your now empty plates; all the while Beomgyu mutters something in his ear, you’re suddenly left with no more distractions. The lingering eyes on your table become the center of your attention. Why did they keep staring like that? You had done nothing to garner their attention yet you felt like there was a huge light pointed right at you. Maybe it was all in your head, maybe you were going crazy.

In the midst of it, you fail to notice how Beomgyu watches you, studying your almost frightened face. The small hum leaving his lips snap your eyes back toward him and he looks at you expectantly. Swallowing a gulp your eyes flicker between the crowded tables and him. “They’re…they’re staring” you whisper, Beomgyu doesn’t spare your audience a glance, his gaze fixed on you.

“Do you not like it?” he mumbles, studying your face closer, as if searching for clues allowing him to enter your mind. Biting your lower lip you give a small nod. Before you get another word out, he gets up and you scramble to do the same. With his hand on the small of your back, Beomgyu guides you past the many tables and to a secluded corner of the room, near the exit. His breath is warm against your ear as he whispers, “stay here and I’ll pay”, before pressing a kiss to your cheek. That was certainly not something fuck buddies did.

Feeling shielded by the dim light of your corner, you lean against the cool wall as your eyes flutter closed. Maybe Kayla had been wrong about him, just maybe. The sounds of approaching footsteps sends a wave of relief through you, he was already coming back.

But it’s not Beomgyu’s voice that breaks the silence surrounding you. “You new around here miss?” the raspy voice of an unknown man has your eyes shooting open as you push yourself off the wall. “I would be sure to remember a face like your own”, he then adds as he eyes your frame with a little too much interest.

He was tall. Possibly even taller than Beomgyu, and older too, he had to be in his mid thirties at least. Yet he seemed persistent in introducing himself, “the name’s Han-jae”, he reaches for your hand but you quickly withdraw it. “Ah, I’m afraid that I’m with someone for tonight..” you stammer as your eyes feverishly scan for Beomgyu.

The man chuckles, “I bet you are, pretty thing like you, it would be pure luck to find you alone.” He leans closer and the sudden stench of alcohol invades your senses, “but it seems I just did”, a nasty smirk grows on his lips as his hand grabs a firm hold of your wrist.

Your heart practically leaps out of your chest as the man's tight grip on your arm threatens to cut off all blood flow. Suddenly you regret not taking the self defense lessons together with Kayla, it would have perhaps saved you in a situation like this. “I…I really am here with someone..” Your meek attempts at persuading the strange man had little effect as the smirk on his lips only grew.

“I’m sure you are, doll” he muses as he pulls you closer to him. Upon coming almost face to face with him, you can make out his bloodshot eyes and widened pupils; he was on something, that much you could tell. A ring clad hand suddenly joins the man’s hold on your wrist and your gaze snaps in the direction of none other than Beomgyu.

Despite his intoxicated state the man seems to recognize him as the grip on your wrist falters. “Mr Choi” he exclaims, uncertainty flashing across his features. Beomgyu lets go of his hand with a small grimace before disregarding the man and turning to you. “You okay, dollface?” he asks as his fingers trace along your jaw, you give him a small nod as you cradle your sore wrist.

“‘S a pretty little thing you got there”, the man comments, his speech growing slurred. Beomgyu’s fingers drop from your face as he casts a glance in the direction of the man. “What?”

The man grins as he motions toward you, “almost mistook her for a doll, pretty girl was standin’”, he hiccups, “all alone, but now I see who she was waiting on.” Beomgyu doesn’t say anything as he regards the man with a sultry look. Obliviously, the man continues to ramble, “but you’ll do me the favor of letting me know when you’re done”, the grin on his lips grows, “I’ll be happy to take up wherever you left off–”

Whack!

The man’s words are cut short as Beomgyu’s fist comes in contact with his jaw, metal rings clashing against his teeth. He stumbles backward as he grabs onto his face with a small whine. Your own jaw falls open as the scene before you unfolds and if your heart nearly beat out of your chest earlier, this certainly didn’t help.

Beomgyu doesn’t spare him a second glance, and neither does anyone else…In fact no one batted as much as an eye in the direction of the wounded man. Their conversations flowed without interruption and suddenly everyone avoided even glancing Beomgyu’s way.

Too stunned to even speak, you let him guide you out of the restaurant, you don’t question him when he opens the door to the backseat rather than the passenger one, and neither do you when he gets inside along with you, nor when he slides down on the floor between your legs.

The cool metal of his rings sends small sparks through your body as his hands caress your inner thighs. He lets out a soft sigh and as his eyes meet yours, you suddenly find it hard to fault him for punching a man. “Dollface?” his breath is hot against your naked skin. Swallowing another gulp you glance down toward him, yes? your words barely above a whisper.

Beomgyu sighs as his hands push past the hem of your crimson dress. “You need to be careful”, he murmurs as his fingers trace the outline of your panties, earning a soft gasp from you when they brush against your clothed clit. “There are tons of dangerous men out there” he presses a soft kiss to your thigh.

“Men who won’t hesitate to take advantage of you.” Fingers slipping past the fabric of your panties as they caress your already glistening folds. The cold rings against your warm core pulls a small gasp from you. His touch clouds your mind and turns your vision hazy. “Who knows what could’ve happened to you if I hadn’t been there”, he mumbles as his thumb grazes your clit, eliciting a sweet moan from you.

He retracts his hand and your hips buck in an attempt to chase his fingers. The same fingers that hook around the lining of your panties and with a harsh tug he pulls them down your thighs and past your knees. “Promise me you’ll be careful, dollface” he breathes against your wet cunt and you nod as you squirm beneath him.

“Need to hear you say it”, he groans as his tongue drags across your folds, earning a soft cry from you, “promise me.” His voice sounded almost pleading and you clenched around nothing. “I will, I will, I will…I’ll be careful I promise”, you ramble as your fingers intertwine in his dark hair, twisting and pulling at it. “That’s what I wanted to hear”, he murmurs before pressing a kiss to your cunt.

February 20th 2024 — PRESENT TIME

You were supposed to have gone home earlier, a lot earlier. In fact Yeonjun had offered to take you home by lunch, yet you had declined. Instead you found yourself lingering by your office as the hours passed by. When 5 o’clock hit, your colleagues began venturing home, you stayed. By 7 the office was completely empty.

Soon you started walking, though unsure of why, or where your goal was, you walked. Floor up and floor down, mindlessly passing the multiple vacant offices and meeting rooms. At last you found yourself by the interrogation rooms, perhaps you thought it would ease the lump in your throat to go there, but it didn’t. So you kept walking.

You don’t know how you ended up at Beomgyu’s cell. Your feet led you to the few rows of empty rooms, all but one. The door only allowed a small window in which you could gaze into the room, it was dark but you knew that he was there.

Did you miss him? Was that why you were here? You had told yourself that you wanted answers, but did you really? — were you even ready to hear them? You should turn back, go home, sleep, possibly call in sick tomorrow. Instead you knock.

Three soft knocks later and a small light is flicked on somewhere inside the room. A trembling hand slides the small window to the side, allowing you to hear him, and him to hear you, to touch you even, but you wouldn’t allow that.

Beomgyu doesn’t seem surprised at your sudden appearance, a smirk spreading across his lips, he had expected you to visit him. “Dollface”, the name sends your heart into a minor frenzy, “it’s a little late to be working still, no?” he asks as he tilts his head to the side, studying your unblinking expression.

You swallow, “perhaps”. He chuckles and you’re once again reminded of how hard you thought he was to read. Maybe that was what made him so intriguing to you. “Yet you’re here”, he murmurs, eyes glinting in the same way they had when you first met.

“But you shouldn’t be”, he states and you know that he’s right.

You should most definitely not be here right now. But as your gaze meets his you suddenly realize why you are. Because despite everything a small part of you clings onto the faint hope — the hope that he isn’t what you know him to be. Because a small part of you wants to believe that Beomgyu is innocent.

taglist ✎... @beomtasticc @beomies-world @leeminhosairfryer @baekberrie @fairyofyeongyu @lunathewritingcat @archoive @baemgyu @yunjinsbbg @velvetmoonlght @kkochiau @seokqt @soobiary @20-cms @moagyuu @ioveastera @gardnhee (if your tag is not working please check your settings to make sure that your blog is not hidden!)

#beomiracles ₊˚⊹ ᰔ #criminal conscience beomiracles #txt #txt fanfic #txt post #choi beomgyu #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu #choi beomgyu fanfic #criminal au #beomgyu imagines

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ecoamerica · 1 month

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youtube

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

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lisbeth-kk · 1 day

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May Prompts (18) Blanket

The Luckiest Girl in the World (chapter 18)

Summary: Molly gifts Rosie something the teen never thought she'd get her hands on.

Eighteen Years Old

Molly got me concert tickets to Niall Horan on my eighteenth birthday. I was over the moon. Since I was ten, I’d considered myself a Directioner, and the year I turned thirteen, I had my first celebrity crush. Harry Styles, one of the One Direction members, was destined to be my boyfriend someday in the future, no questions asked.

I got over it. Eventually. When Molly accompanied me to one of their last concerts before they split up, it was more important to sing along and enjoy the music than to pine for the darkhaired young Brit.

Niall, who was a previous member of One Direction, had sold out all his concerts in the UK, and I and my two friends, Leyla and Clare, had tried but failed to get tickets. And now, I suddenly had three of them in my hands.

“Molly! I don’t know how to thank you enough,” I exclaimed and hugged her hard and long. “How did you…”

“Shush now. I have my…sources,” Molly said and winked at me. “Give the girls a call and tell them the good news.”

***

Papa tried to insist that one of uncle Myc’s chauffeurs could drive us to the O2, where the concert was to be held, but Dad and I managed to make him see sense.

“I ride the tube almost every day, Papa. The Jubilee Line will take us straight to North Greenwich station, and then we’re practically there. We can’t always make use of uncle’s privileges, you know. It would be embarrassing and attract too much attention as well if three ordinary girls turned up in a…”

“Nothing ordinary about…” Papa interrupted me, while Dad interrupted Papa with a stern voice calling his name, and that was the end of it.

***

Molly had procured us with great Inner Circle tickets and early entry. It must’ve cost her a fortune, and I kept wondering who this source of hers was. (Not that I didn’t have my suspicions.)

With money my grandparents had gifted me, I bought merch. A t-shirt, a few bracelets and a key lanyard.

The concert was brilliant, and luckily, we were already on our way out of the venue when a group of girls started to fight amongst each other over a signed poster of Niall. It got ugly quite quickly. A nail file was put to good use, blood flooded, and hysterical teenagers were running to the tube station.

My phone vibrated in the back pocket of my jeans. A text.

Walk to the parking lot by the Aurora Tower. I will have a car waiting for the three of you. UM.

Clare had started to get a bit freaked out by the crowd pushing on us, and she sighed relieved when I told her and Leyla that we should walk in the opposite direction to be picked up by my uncle, Anthea or just a driver.

“Your uncle is just brilliant, Ro,” Leyla stated. “How did he know? This just happened minutes ago. I’m sure it hasn’t reached the news yet.”

“Not the ordinary news,” I agreed without elaborating further.

When I spotted the car, another text arrived.

Ferguson will be driving you. He already knows Ms. Aldershot and Ms. Carson’s addresses. I hope you had a good time. UM.

Thanks, uncle Myc. You’re a star! Or brilliant as L & C called you. Pick a choice. xx

(Today's prompt is used metaphorically)

@calaisreno @totallysilvergirl @keirgreeneyes @helloliriels @raina-at

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Also available on AO3

#mayprompts2024 #may 18: blanket #sherlock fandom #rosie watson #sherlock #john watson #mycroft holmes #johnlock #bbc sherlock #sherlock fanfic #ao3 fanfic

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somethingvicked · 18 hours

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True love of mine part 4

An Eddie Munson story

Stranger Things AU (no Upside-Down)

warnings: Female reader, slight angst, mentions of drugs an alcohol in passing.

Chapter 3.

Now

Eddie

Eddie met the gaze of his manager as he brought in this week’s load of fan mail. It was enough to fill a box. That still surprised him, that he received fanmails, these words of praise, love and… more than often sexual invitations.

Most letters went unopened, there were so many of them. But occasionally he told his manager to send an autographed photo in reply – to those that were somewhat sane.

It had been nearly ten years since he left Indiana and decided to try his fortune in Los Angeles and the Sunset Strip – and for once luck had been on his side and he had gotten his breakthrough within a year of arriving here.

He supposed him finally putting his coin in the karma bank might have had something to do with it.

Yet Eddie never forgot his past, where he came from, or how he had once been the raging loser and town freak of Hawkins.

It surely had to do with what had happened, before he had left – he refused to let himself ever forget that. That was his penance, to remember that for the rest of his days.

But not even that was his true penance. It was remembering Y/N.

Finally, after many years he had manned up and reached out to his friends and loved ones he had just left without an explanation back then. Not everyone, just those he trusted, because he didn’t want it to get out. And neither did the others it concerned.

Wayne, of course. Steve. Dustin. Gareth. Jeff.

But not Y/N. She had cut ties with Hawkins the day he left. Steve said she didn’t even come home for the holidays.

And after Y/N graduated she moved away and hadn’t been back since. She still called some times and sent Christmas cards yearly but never visited.

It was clear she had removed everything about Hawkins out of her life, along with Eddie. Not that he blamed her.

But how would he have explained it to Y/N? He knew her. She would never give in and realize it was for the best that their relationship ended. He refused to drag her down with him.

Eddie had found her profile on social media when he himself had joined as a way to advertise his music and concerts.

That’s why he nowadays always carried a rubber band around his left wrist. Every time he thought about looking at Y/N’s profile, see what she was up to he snapped that. It had gone so far now that he had a permanent scar from it.

He woke up from his thought as his manager said: “Eddie, didn’t you say your full name was Edward Munson?”

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Yeah? What about it, Greg?”

“Well, all of your fans that send mail to this address use your stage name – Eddie Munson – since it’s the name of our brand, you know?”

Eddie sighed. “Yeah. So?”

“Well, this one… it’s obviously for you, but it’s sent for Edward Francis Munson. The address is right, so obviously they would know that you go by ‘Eddie’, so why would… Eddie? You okay?”

Eddie’s heart suddenly hammered in his chest as it was about to break out as he snatched the letter from Greg’s hand.

It couldn’t be…

His mouth had become dry as a desert. Y/N. She was the only one he had told his full name. No one else except Wayne and the government knew that. Most people could naturally gather that ‘Eddie’ was short for ‘Edward’, but his middle name – Francis?

Wayne knew because he was his uncle and had known him since his parents decided what to put on his birth certificate.

Eddie had told one single person. Y/N.

He had told her one day when she had asked him because already back then he wasn’t able to deny her anything.

It had to be Y/N. She had written to him. And she had used this secret between the two of them so he would know – know that it was from her.

Eddie’s eyes suddenly filled with tears. He had been so certain back then he made the right decision for both of you.

That Y/N deserved better.

That she would found someone more worthy of her.

He, on the other hand, had never been able to move on. Of course he had tried dating a few times, even hooked up with groupies when his music career took off.

But it wasn’t the same. It only made him feel disgusted by himself, both because it felt like he betrayed Y/N but also because it didn’t feel right to the woman he was dating in that moment – he couldn’t help but compare Y/N to them and they always came up short.

No one could ease the ache inside him, the love he still carried for Y/N. It was like he had had a dagger stuck in his heart for the last eleven years, losing a little more blood every day that passed.

If it hadn’t been for the promise he had made all those years ago he would most certainly had turned to drugs and alcohol to numb it.

That wasn’t an option though. He had promised himself. Wayne. And… well, in the back of his head he had promised his memories of Y/N.

Drugs and alcohol may have helped him forget things he didn’t want to remember. But what if it also made him forget Y/N? Or his mother?

He didn’t dare take that chance.

Still with the letter in his hand he turned to his manager. “Greg, will you excuse me, please?”

Greg gave him a concerned glance but got up from the couch and left the room.

Holding his breath Eddie started to open the envelope.

Then:

Hawkins, 1980.

Eddie

"What's your full name?" Y/N asked.

They had become fast friends after her accident and him giving her the flower at shop, always hanging out.

He had been delighted to discover than Y/N seemed to lean towards the same interest he had - although she liked soft, classic rock more than metal; like Creedence, Toto, Billy Joel and Eagles.

She was more into horror than fantasy, she preferred Stephen King and Edgar Allan Poe rather than Tolkien - which he had theatrically gasped at. But otherwise she was the perfect girl.

He had taught her some elvish, though, so they could send notes in class and if the teacher caught them and did that ugly thing - reading them in front of the whole class - no one but them would understand a thing.

They had been friends for nearly four years to now. By this stage, Eddie had moved in with Wayne, since his old man had gone to prison. He didn’t complain, it was way better than what he’d had.

But Wayne wasn’t the only thing making his life better. Y/N was the main reason. She was the best friend he’d ever had but it was more than that. He had suspected for a time now that… that he… that he had started to develop stronger feelings than friendship with her. No, that was wrong – he had always felt more for her than mere friendship. She was his soulmate, the piece of his inner puzzle that made him complete. Something he hadn’t even been aware of before meeting her.

Eddie had always loved her. But now there was a different kind of love. Or more like, a new kind of love had mixed with the old one.

Eddie woke up when she touched his arm. "Come on, you can tell me," she said, smiling.

He sighed. "Promise not to laugh!"

Y/N sat up and raised her right hand as if she was taking an oath in court. "Cross my heart and hope to die. Stick a needle in my eye. Boil in oil until I fry!"

Eddie snorted and then said: "It's Edward. Edward Francis Munson. If you ever tell anyone else that, I'll..."

He couldn't say 'I'll kill you'. Not to Y/N. Never in a million years.

"Then I'll steal your signed copy of Dracula and toss it in Lover's Lake, kitten." Y/N's mouth fell open. "That's a barbaric threat!”

Eddie had called her ‘kitten’ since that day they became friends – because of how that enraged face when she had hurt herself in shop reminded him of a wildcat. Anyone getting too close might lose a finger to claws and teeth.

Yet with him she was all soft and purrs – truly like a kitten.

“But I promise, I won't tell anyone, though. Have I ever betrayed a secret of yours?”

It was a rhetorical question because they both knew she hadn’t.

“I don't understand why you're so ashamed of Edward, though,” Y/N continued. “Don't you know, that's a royal name!"

Eddie raised an eyebrow at her. Another of Y/N's interest were old royal families. She didn't care much about the ones that lived now, but ask her anything about the British royals during the Victorian Era or even the Tudor one and she would give you a correct answer.

"Didn't Edward VIII abdicate the throne to marry a divorcee?" he teased her.

"Yes, but his real name wasn't Edward. It was David. Edward was the name he took as a sovereign," Y/N said with a shrug.

"Either way, Edward is just boring, but Francis?! It sounds like the girls name - Frances."

"Funny - I'm pretty sure that is the female version of Francis," Y/N teased him back.

Eddie shook his head. "You're impossible."

"Always," Y/N replied. "Did you know that Jane Eyre's love interest is also named Edward? Edward Fairfax Rochester."

"Nope. Never read it."

"Why doesn't that surprise me? But that one… it's one of my fictional crushes," she admitted. "You two have almost the same initials. E.F. Just the last one that's different. The two… two favorite men in my life. The E.F’s of my life. My enchanting, fearless men. E.F.”

taglist: @ali-r3n @ficsbypix @mewchiili @melodymunson @ches-86 @jenniquinn

(let me know if you want to be on the taglist!)

please, like, comment and reblog!

Your likes are wonderful but reblogs expand my reading circle.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x female reader #older!eddie munson #stranger things fanfic #stranger things au #joseph quinn #true love of mine #v's writing

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edwardnebula · 2 months

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Just guys hanging out

#espio the chameleon #shadow the hedgehog #sonic fanart #tdtdau #shadpio #their friends see this and they two of them just never address it

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wavesoutbeingtossed · 2 months

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The whole discourse about the privacy/secrecy/support thing has been sitting with me for a few days (I mean other than it always does to a certain degree) thanks to all the excellent discussion happening and I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I think what we're seeing and what we're going to learn (e.g. from TTPD) is that it wasn't just the support issue, but how it was shown/handled.

We've all gone out of our way to show that introversion =/= lack of support. Someone can be shy, reserved, etc. and still show up for their partner, whether in public or at home. To chalk any of the differences up to the clash between introversion and extroversion is unfair to folks who count themselves among either tbh.

@thisisctrying said something the other day that hit the nail on the head about how if that support had been offered in private, there very well may not have been a Joever to begin with, or at least not at this point in time. (Sorry for loosely paraphrasing, and for namedropping you! Long time listener, first time poster.)

If this were a case where the "shy" partner said, "I am really uncomfortable with the spotlight personally and do not want to court it, but I will support you in your ambitions and offer you whatever you need to make them happen and make the glare bearable," I suspect that would have gone a long way to making Taylor feel seen and comfortable in pursuing her goals in the way that she now has. Again, that might have been more akin to the balance that seemed to have been struck around 2019 from what we can see, but even speaking in a general sense, there are lots of couples out there, celebrity or not, that have similar approaches where there are highly driven people and busy careers involved.

(A famous example being Dolly Parton's marriage. Tbh I know next to nothing about her and Carl, but she's always heralded as an example in this regard, because her husband is famously uncomfortable with the spotlight and hasn't accompanied her to public events in decades, but she's said that she never minded that because that was always work to her, and what was important was that he supported her in pursuing all her career goals and basically ensured she had a place to call home to return to at the end of the day.)

We're kind of in a brave new world with her current relationship because it felt like, at least at the start, we were maybe watching her figure out her boundaries in real time as to what she was comfortable with or not and adjust accordingly. Like so many have said, I fully believe the extreme privacy thing was initially driven by herself and her experiences in 2016, and she needed that quiet time to recover from all of the things and figure out how to exist in the world again.

Stating the obvious, it seemed like eventually privacy was equated with secrecy, turning the relationship and the celebrity into the elephant in the room and something to never be spoken of to the outside world. People are free to choose whatever works best for themselves and their relationships, and for some the separate public lives might work, but the “kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath” theme is all over her work and it’s clear that it’s a sore spot for her, because she’s been made to feel shame just for the life she leads so many times in the past.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious something Not Great was happening behind the scenes, which didn’t just amount to “she wanted to be a public celebrity and he wanted to be a private hermit.” (Also, in case anyone forgot, this is a person who also chose a public-facing career who also has to engage in press for it, but I digress.) As her career reached new heights post-folklore, if she had the support at home to do all the things without judgment and with encouragement, and in turn offer the same support to her partner, she may have very well lived just fine with that, not unlike Dolly Parton’s case.

By reading between the lines in all the press since, as well as comments on tour and general ~vibes~ with TTPD teasers, it seems like one of the issues was that that was likely not the case. There was all the stuff that we saw — the reticence to acknowledge each other in the media (particularly on one side), the lack of public support even at events at which they were both in attendance for their respective jobs, the great lengths they went to not to be photographed together at events they attended yet no problem taking pictures with other friends and coworkers, the jobs that separated them, the withdrawing from the public even for work accomplishments, etc. Which could all be manageable if a couple chooses to do so together and are not inherently a sign of trouble in themselves.

But what we’re seeing now I think is a reflection of the things we weren’t seeing then, and it seems to indicate some very deep hurt. (I know, call me Captain Obvious.) And like so many have been saying, it feels likely that that part of that hurt is rooted in that very lack of private support where a person would expect it from their partner. Obviously as a Taylor fan blog I’m going to be more inclined to understand her side of a story, but tbh, it’s also because… this is sooooooo common, and something I’ve experienced in my friend group. (@taylortruther is right when she says most breakups are the same one way or another lol.)

One partner is resentful of the other’s success, or resentful that the other’s priorities begin to evolve as new experiences unlock new goals, or feels the other’s ambitions are not worthy of pursuit, and coupled with perhaps their own struggles in the same domain, it’s easy to see where that can chip away at the other partner’s morale and faith in the relationship. I know I’m just speculating here, but I also don’t think it’s totally unfounded. (Again, because a) I’m picking up what she’s putting down and b) it happens to sooooooo many women even among us dull normals.)

With all the pointed mentions about how much Taylor feels supported in her current relationship and how she in turn loves to offer the same show of support to not only her partner but other loved ones, how she’s stepped out more in the last year to a whole host of events, how she’s mentioned feeling like she locked herself away for years and she’s just proud of her partner and happy she can show up for him even if the chaos around it is unsettling, it paints a picture of what perhaps was happening before last year.

To feel like you’re all alone in carrying the weight of the relationship (or burden of it), of twisting yourself into knots to accommodate the other person’s boundaries (or insecurities) but not feeling reciprocity for your own has to be so painful. (The idea that it may have been even darker and to have a partner not only be unreceptive to your own needs but even perhaps resentful/dismissive/belittling of them is even more painful to think of. I guess we’ll find out when TTPD comes out if that was the case, too.)

At a certain point, that lack of acknowledgement will force your hand to be able to reclaim yourself. And it feels like the further removed Taylor in particular is from it, the more she moves from being sad about the life she felt she gave up by leaving, to angry at the life she felt she was giving up by staying. Especially being in a relationship now where it seems like everything comes much easier, where she can be open about the person she’s with and show up for them, all the stuff that seemed as challenging as climbing Mount Everest in her past is nothing more than a molehill at best in her current life.

TL;DR: I don’t think it’s privacy that inherently spells doom for a celebrity relationship like this; it’s the mutual support and respect that does. If Taylor had felt that in the later years of her previous relationship, I think we could be seeing a different, though not necessarily unfulfilled, person right now in 2024, who’d be happy on tour but whose personal life would look a little different. But it seems like by losing that support she lost parts of herself, and we’ve seen her reclaim that in spades in the last year, and perhaps to degrees she didn’t even realize she could from before all the Bad Stuff started happening in her young adulthood.

I know this was extremely long-winded and unnecessary, especially about total strangers we only know through scraps fed through the media, but I just always bristle at this idea that issues like these boil down to “personality differences,” as though one person wants to live in a city and the other on a remote island, or some shit like that. The whole support (and gender tbh) issue is one that’s just very close to my heart because again, I have seen it play out with so many of my friends in long term relationships and marriages and I just think people in relationships (and women in particular in some circles) deserve better than to feel like they’re being, well, tolerated.

#thisisctrying and taylortruther sorry for tagging you two!#can remove if needed!#but you guys made me think a lot #this was inspired by a conversation i had with a friend the other day #where she relayed an argument she had with her partner #who basically felt slighted that he wasn’t getting acknowledgement for all the housework he does — which is. just. the dishes #and she was like ‘wow congrats you’ve done the dishes — i do every other fucking thing to keep this household afloat in ways you see #and don’t see and i never ask for praise because it’s just stuff that needs to get done because that’s how you support your family’#and it just reminded me that some partners (and a certain kind of man in particular) just… think their struggles take precedence #when their partners drown in them everyday but keep things afloat out of necessity and are never recognized or supported for it #(my friends have shitty husbands/boyfriends can you tell lol)#long post #again the way i just feel like i know the vibes of ttpd in my bones are 😵‍💫#i feel like i have a lot more thoughts but I’m trying to be more gracious and less parasocial so #also just want to again defend the introverts of the world by reiterating that being introverted does not mean unsupportive #being a shitty partner does though!#writing letters addressed to the fire #it’s also just like… i feel like if Taylor had had even a modicum of the support in private and even public she needed #she’d probably still be with you know who and wouldn’t have considered leaving let alone doing it #because it would have felt like enough and like it was what was needed for both of them #whereas we’re seeing a completely new side of her open up now because this is the first time she’s ever had that support from a partner #in her adult life at least #and it’s like it’s opening up things she didn’t know she needed or wanted

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ecoamerica · 1 month

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The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

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trashlie · 2 years

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ILY FP 181, 182, and 183

Man, I thought I’d at least put together one of these for 181, but I really have not been able to pull myself together for this last month, I guess, ugh. That’s okay, I think - it will keep me from turning this into a recap and maybe allow me to explore my VERY MANY thoughts on this little flashback! And trust that I have SO MANY.

It is no secret that I’ve taken a lot of interest in Alyssa over this last half year or so, so you can imagine how much I’ve been enjoying this flashback arc. While it doesn’t provide us a major look into who Alyssa really is, we’re finally getting more clues to cobble together than we had before, and it definitely is blowing some fandom beliefs out of the water! It also reinforces what I’ve said before - that Alyss and Kousuke are mirrors! In my Alyss and Kousuke As Mirrors post and ask responses, I had a lot of uncertainty as to where I thought this would go, because of how little we knew of who Alyssa truly is and what is part of an act. I think we’re starting to get somewhere with her now! I know she’ll likely never be a very sympathetic character to a lot of people, but my fascination with her has definitely increased and it’s giving me some hopes and wishes of my own!

To preface, I’d like to lay out what the general fandom belief of Alyssa has been. Until now, she’s been regarded as a fame seeker who wants to have everyone’s attention and always craves the spotlight, that she’s spineless and cannot handle confrontation which may be coupled with the fact that she wants to be liked (as in, to save face, she doesn’t defy or contradict others wishes), she doesn’t care about who she hurts to get what she wants, she’s more interested in Kousuke than Nol, and in general she’s been viewed as supremely selfish and self-centered.

There’s some things I agree with, others only to a certain degree, and still others I wasn’t totally sold on. In previous posts, I’ve noted that I believed it possible that Alyssa’s idol career itself may not have been what she truly wanted (although at the time I assumed it might just be a stepping stone towards what she really wanted, a necessary stop in her trajectory to her power-couple goal, to influence and power). At any rate, though, we can see now that a lot of this has been proven incorrect, although certain things have definitely been reinforced.

People Pleasing and Peer Pressure

Something that certainly stands is how very easily influenced by others Alyssa is. This isn’t something I’m going to fault her for, either, because frankly, I know a lot of people who take to their mid-twenties or thirties to feel comfortable and confident in who they are, regardless of what others think. Especially for a middle-schooler with no prior experience with social settings, this is extra hard for Alyssa, who begged her parents to let her attend public school with the dream of making lots of friends and experiencing a “normal” life. Peer pressure is hard and when what you want is to be liked and have a lot of friends, being seen as weird for the things you do like (like math) or hanging out with someone who everyone else regard as weird and potentially a bully doesn’t bode well with what you want. Frankly, it takes a strong spirit to be comfortable in your own skin, to be who you are, and Alyssa doesn’t have the experiences yet to be that person. I think we can also argue that the way her parents treat her hasn’t helped - though well-meaning, they seem to overwhelm Alyssa and limit her ability to actually explore the things she’s interested in. She states that she’s not even good at dance, which is why she’s taking lessons at all, and she’s only in them because she once expressed interest in it - and there’s an implication that it’s not something she even likes or enjoys anymore, and yet she continues.

Is it just that Alyssa lacks the ability to push back and tell her parents when she loses interest in something? Is it that they don’t give her the room to do it? It sounds a lot like they hear she likes something and then drowns her in that thing without ever considering that her interests will change and wane.

We are also given a lot of indication that at this early age, Alyssa just struggled to confront people in any form of it. She can’t stand up for herself to her parents about not wanting to follow certain paths, she can’t tell Shinae the truth about her feelings and seems to be cornered when she finally starts to open up, she can’t push back against people who are picking on her.

At any rate, the point stands that due to the way her parents treat her, smothering her with everything she dares to breathe about, she hasn’t been given the opportunity to find comfort in being who she really is, because they are always a step behind or clinging to something she said in the past that is no longer true. She’s too reluctant to mention anything else she likes because maybe they’ll do the same thing again. She has no room to breathe to explore herself to figure out what she really wants, and the things she does know about herself are considered “weird” by other kids - her disdain for kpop and preference for classical music, her favor for math and science type things, she goes to exhibits for her own keen interest! If the other kids knew, they’d definitely continue to pick on her and call her weird.

And yet that’s exactly what she’s so afraid of. She states she’s seen what happens to kids who are ostracized and that’s the last thing she wants. Alyssa is learning the hard way that not only are kids cruel, but who she wants to be is at odd with who she really is. If she wants to fit in with the other kids, she has to put on a front, feign interest in things she doesn’t care for, squash down her true interests and perform for them. Long before she becomes an idol, Alyssa is already having to perform and learn about conditional favor: people will like you only so long as you fit what they want you to be.

How ironic, that she had such strong disdain for kpop, and yet she had to perform for what she wanted, and ended up in that very career.

I still badly want to know how this happened, because it’s clear that the career Alyssa is in is not what she truly wanted. I’ve seen people argue that maybe she’s here for the stepping stone reasons, or because she changed her mind. But idk, she seems pretty set in her way with her interest there, and it just really reinforces my theory that Alyssa only wound up a kpop idol because she couldn’t speak up against it. It largely seems like something that fell into her lap and her parents jumped at it assuming that Alyssa was on board for it because she’d practically trained for so long. Maybe she felt too guilty about the money they’d put into her lessons - there’s implications that they’ve spent so much money on her that they’re tight on money - maybe it’s just part of her inability to speak up for and defend herself, her inability to say no this isn’t actually what I want.

Maybe it IS just that she reluctantly is following through for the hopes that it will afford her the connections to get out it and go for what she really wants?

Power (for freedom)

Even this little glimpse into Alyssa’s life has given enough to re-examine her previous statement about how she desires to be part of a power couple (and how Kousuke likely might be her intended target). Even though her family seems to be trying to do things for her favor, she still feels trapped and oppressed by them and craves escape. And now she’s in a kpop group that she doesn’t seem to enjoy completely - the fact that in middle school she made a note that being able to write music is far more interesting than being able to play instruments and she was given that opportunity to write a song, and it ends up being about feeling trapped and shackled down, unable to escape speaks volumes. Additionally, we know she spends more time with her sister than her group mates, it’s implied that she doesn’t practice as much/as hard as them and frankly I don’t think this is mean girls being mean. I think it probably IS true that Alyssa doesn’t put as much effort into things because she doesn’t enjoy it she doesn’t want to be here and who can blame her group mates? They DID train hard for this, they DO want this. Of course they’ll be upset by the way she acts!

Unlike them, Alyssa doesn’t want to be part of this career, and if her case is anything like Shinae’s, she feels trapped by Yui. What happens if Alyssa denies this opportunity? What has her family gained from Alyssa’s career/connections? I think there’s a good chance there’s a lot more on the line than we know about, and thus Alyssa has to continue to fake it to make it. So, who is surprised she wishes to be part of a power couple? It seems less about wanting to be influential, to have people look up to her and more about wanting to be in a position to feel in control of her life, to be free to do what she wants.

Consider this: Yui is a powerful woman with a powerful family name and more importantly, she is very much in control of herself, she takes no direction or control from others, she has shadow puppets (possibly including Alyssa herself). I think Alyssa is aware of what kind of person Yui really is - a widely-held fandom belief about Alyssa is that she wants to be the kind of person Yui is, right down to the scheming manipulation. But when Alyssa calls Yui a charitable woman and says she wants to be like her, her eyes are closed. They remain closed as Alyssa remarks how nice it is of her to give Shinae a job. I think Alyssa sees through this, because it’s the same situation she’s in, and she above all probably knows what a trap it is. If Alyssa feels stuck in a career she can’t escape, “gifted” to her by Yui, then she has an understanding of what it means for Shinae. I used to think maybe Alyssa said it because she understood the implications - that she, too, had been handed her career like Shinae, but if Alyssa has no love or pride in her career, then it’s less that she cares about what others will think of her being handed a career and maybe more about concern for Shinae, and what it means for her to also be entangled with Yui.

Despite this, though, Yui possesses qualities that Alyssa clearly covets - starting with the fact that someone like Yui wouldn’t be ensnared in traps like Alyssa currently is, the fact that no one controls her or dictates her moves.

And this brings us to Kousuke! From the outside, Kousuke lives this way, too. He looks to all outsiders like he’s completely in control of his life, on a path of his choosing that he was meant for, he’s successful, influential, rich, and in control. Like Yui, he looks like he is free to move where and how he wants, so it’s not a surprise that Alyssa is drawn to him. But more than that, we now know that Alyssa and Kousuke are far more alike than we had considered before! I used to think that Alyssa was drawn to Kousuke because she saw in him all the things she wants for herself, and while I do still think that’s true, it clearly isn’t the totality of it! I wonder how well she knows him - does she know they both favor the same kind of music? Kousuke is regarded as a bit of a genius, years ahead of kids his age in school, quick to pick up new things. Since she was 3, by the time she was in middle school, Alyssa had learned to play FIVE different instruments and wound up writing her own song pretty early in her musical career. And it’s not even a left vs right brain thing, because she’s also good at math and fascinated by science, especially anatomy, with a previous dream of being a biomedical engineer. Much like Kousuke, we can see that Alyssa isn’t really into things kids her age are. Does she know how similar they are? Does she just sense it? Kousuke clearly doesn’t see this in her yet (I think) but I wonder if with enough time, they could come to see this? She’s easily written off by others as being vapid and maybe even ditzy, with little going on in her head, but that’s clearly not the case.

Notably, too, where Alyssa learned to play all five instruments, Meg only learned a couple and stopped her lessons. We are further given a sense that there’s a “golden child” vs “the other one” with Alyssa and Meg. Was Meg allowed to give up because she wasn’t as gifted as Alyssa, not worth the money it would take to teach her? Is the focus just heavily placed on Alyssa so Meg is given the freedom that Alyssa badly wants for herself?

And so, in search of that escape, seeking a sense of normalcy and the ability to breathe and explore what she wants, Alyssa finds herself in public school, befriended by a boisterous Shinae.

Shinae from hope to self-isolation

This is a very Alyssa-heavy post, I know, but I do want to dedicate some time to Shinae, too, because the Shinae we see in the flashback is SUCH a contrast to the Shinae we first meet at the start of the series, which reinforces just how much of an impact this experience had on Shinae. Alyssa’s betrayal affected her so deeply it left her with not only physical but also mental and emotional scars, so deep that when Nol later betrays her and walks away, this bubbles back to the surface - an experience for which she blamed herself and repressed, shoved so deep down that she never recovered from it. Had she made peace, it wouldn’t have come bubbling to the surface when Nol acknowledged the very scar she hides.

Alyssa was so important to Shinae, despite their brief stint in friendship. She was Shinae’s first friend, someone who she found so cool and fascinating and she fought hard for that friendship, too. Both girls know that Shinae is putting more into this friendship than Alyssa is, and I think Alyssa shows some guilt over it. She’s never quite able to address her issues to Shinae and though we know she’s trying to pull away and distance herself, she never succeeds when Shinae calls her out on it and corners her. Shinae has spent much of her childhood picked on and bullied, not even defended by the school, and it gets so bad that she has to transfer schools! You can’t blame her for being a little desperate to keep that first friend, so afraid of losing out something she’s always craved.

There’s a lot about young Shinae that really hurts my heart, to be honest, especially compared to her current self. Her admission that despite the barriers she put up, despite all the ways she isolated herself for her own protection and chose loneliness over the risk of getting hurt again, she carried some hope that people would prove her wrong, that she would find the friendship and acceptance she actually craved HURTS - especially when you know that because of that quiet hope, she let down her walls for Nol who she thought had proved he wasn’t the threat she worried, only to learn that so much of him was a lie, that maybe that friendship never meant anything.

The Nol vs Alyssa parallel is SO intentional and BOY does it hurt! Also, I know I’ve talked about the irony that Shinae has been hurt by these two people who are dating, but it just feels even more intense in light of everything. Shinae put so much hope in Alyssa despite all the signs she should have listened to, she hoped so much and fought so hard to help Alyssa learn to ignore the feeling of being picked on, and in the end, she failed. Alyssa meant so much to her and as far as Shinae was concerned, she didn’t mean the same to Alyssa. If she did, wouldn’t Alyssa have chosen her over popularity? Wouldn’t she have stuck with her? If she meant so much to her, would she have treated her the way she did, ostracized her in effort to save herself from that very fate? For Shinae, Nol’s betrayal hurts so much not because of the lies but because it runs parallel to the last significant betrayal she experienced. Once again, she made someone so important to her, only to feel like she wasn’t.

It’s not about the lies or that he gave her a fake name: it’s because she believed it didn’t mean to him what it did to her, that she foolishly fell for someone who didn’t care about her the way she did him.

And that’s what is SO significant, too, about Shinae’s willingness to accept Nol, how desperately she wanted him to answer her calls or messages, to come back and show his face. If it was about the lies and betrayal, it might be harder for her to accept that friendship - but despite that, she ardently hoped he would prove her wrong, because she needed to know that it meant something to Nol, that her friendship was not so easy to cast aside, that she mattered. And that’s why she’s able to accept him back, albeit with anger. To know that she is important to him, that even though he began those friendships with no intention of them being real only for them to end up meaning so much to him makes up for the lies.

Popularity vs Individualism

The thing is, I think Shinae may have meant something to Alyssa, but she was just at odds with what she wanted. Numerous times, we see Alyssa get very flustered over the sincere, earnest way Shinae praises her, the way she sees her as this really cool person for traits that the other kids treat as weird, things she knows she would get made fun of for. She downplays her skills and intelligence, not even in a coy or demure way but like... Alyssa really doesn’t seem to think there’s anything special about being able to learn to play instruments or anything like that. She’s quickly learning what she needs to hide about herself in order to fit in, but outlier Shinae finds these things about her so admirable and cool. In fact, Alyssa is so sure that Shinae had lots of friends before because she’s so tough and confident and courageous and brushes off all the teasing that comes her way - but she only seems that way because she’s been there before, because she’s endured it before but NOW she finally has a friend. It’s easier to deal with that if she has a friend to have fun with.

That whole admission is so painful, for Shinae to confess that duh, of course she also wishes she could experience what it’s like to be liked by so many people instead of treated like a weirdo, picked up and bullied simply for existing. But she doesn’t know. That’s why Alyssa means so much and is so important to her. That’s why even though she knows Alyssa is trying to pull away, she keeps trying to reign her in closer, asking her to be her project partner even when she can see Alyssa looking away, calling her out on her she’s growing quieter and quieter and less involved in this friendship. Shinae is determined to keep this special friend.

But the other kids think Shinae is weird, and Alyssa knows this. In fact, the flashback where Maya overhead the girls calling Shinae weird is probably a big turning point for Alyssa. Based on the two flashbacks, that’s probably the day that Alyssa misses lunch with Shinae, and we can sense a big change in Alyssa. She’s been told that public school sucks unless you’re popular, she’s told that people think Shinae is weird and even that she looks weird, and though they don’t really tease her about it there’s definitely a dig about how Alyssa uses intelligent words the other kids do and that it seems weird to be so studious and well-learned. Again, Alyssa is learning that she has to bury who she really is to fit in, and while she seems to like Shinae, she also is learning that to stay friends with her will very likely lead to her own bullying. Alyssa never even though Shinae’s hair was weird until the other girls said anything! There’s so many things she accepts for what they are, until she realizes that others think they’re weird. I think we can agree that she’s shaped by what others think, but I think it’s a little more like... it’s not necessarily that it’s changing her opinion of things as much as she’s just learning what is and isn’t considered acceptable and she’s trying to align herself with the acceptable.

Everything is a parallel

It begins her rift with Alyssa, though. Through Maya’s flashback, we know something will go down with Alyssa and Shinae’s science project - there’s a flashback where she’s being accused of copying someone else’s project and Shinae pointed says she did all the work, it’s her project and never once mentions Alyssa about it. Following that, Minhyuk asks if Shinae hangs out with Alyssa anymore and she notes that no, they don’t hang out as much as they used to, because now Alyssa has lots of friends. Alyssa has been influenced and she makes her choice - she decides to fit in, to shrink herself into something the other kids will like, to start playing a role.

And yet, before she was influenced by other peoples’ opinions, Alyssa really did seem to like Shinae. She had fun with her in math club and she seemed really touched by Shinae’s sincere compliments and earnest friendship. But she also knew that she was making a different decision, that Shinae was giving more to their friendship than she was.

When Shinae smiles that blinding bright, very Yeonggi-like smile, Alyssa’s face screws up and she blushes - but I think it represents guilt and remorse, not anything positive. She feels bad Shinae cares so much and she herself cares more about popularity than this friendship. She knows the choices she’s making, that she’s pulling away, and she feels so guilty she has to physically escape.

In a very similar way that Kousuke seems to see Nol in Shinae, Alyssa seems to see Shinae in Nol. That bright smile she puts on is SO very like the kind Yeonggi would wear, so it’s only natural that in the aftermath of all that went down, when Alyssa was back to being lonely and friendless, when Yeonggi offered her his friendship and that bright, earnest smile, Alyssa would accept this weird stranger’s friendship, because it reminded her of another person who candidly offered her such sincere, earnest friendship when she needed it. And, likewise, when Alyssa is aware that she’s hurting that person, she finds herself pulling away and withdrawing.

For a long time I couldn’t tell if Alyssa really understood how much she was hurting Nol, if she simply took his friendship for granted. I think she definitely carries guilt that she refuses to acknowledge, which is why she deflects and throws things back at him when he calls her out. But I also think she knows that she’s being a bad friend, a bad girlfriend, and that’s why she avoids him, the way she avoided Alyssa. (Shoutout to DATBOYWHOISCHILL on reddit for calling out that parallel of avoidance). The way he reaches out over and over, just like Shinae trying to reign her back in, UGH the way Nol and Shinae are SO VERY SIMILAR and yet unaware of it just KILLS ME. It was even pointed out the way they both defend her and aren’t really met with gratitude - although I guess it’s worth noting that by the time Nol is doing this for Alyssa, her image is on the line and she’s already aware of the conditional relationship she has with her fans, the image she has to maintain if she doesn’t want to be ostracized and cast out.

Honestly, all of this makes me even more certain that Alyssa needs to experience a fall from grace in order to learn to be herself and to escape the people-pleasing quest of acceptance. Only when she loses everything - her career, her fans, her image - will she be able to face who she really is and who she really wants to be, to come to terms with being okay being alone, and maybe find her voice to push back against what she doesn’t want. And I still think it could possibly lead to some kind of reconciliation. While I’m not sure if Shinae and Alyssa could ever be friends - there’s so much hurt and anger there yet - I think they could at least make peace with their past and resolve their issues in a way that helps Shinae move on. An Alyssa who, like Shinae once had, has lost so much and hit rock bottom and has to go through the hardest and darkest times would probably be better able to understand what she couldn’t in sixth grade, how Shinae was able to endure the ridicule because she had a friend at her side. I think it would lead to Alyssa being able to accept herself for who she really is, and not the performance she puts on for other people.

Frankly, I feel like while Alyssa is a people-pleaser who seeks out popularity, what she really want is the kind of friendship Shinae offered. She’s chasing after something she won’t receive. Fans don’t unconditionally love their idol - they will only love her if she performs for them, and that means the person she presents herself as, too. Who will love Alyssa for who she really is, for her nerdy side and her love of classical music, for finding math fun, for her interest in anatomy. Who will love her for all the things that made her so “weird”? She continues to put on a front for people who “love” a version of her she’s created for their consumption, chasing down the sincerity and earnest approval she received from a maybe-weird outcast who saw her for who she really was and still thought she was cool and interesting.

Trauma and Healing

But to segue back to Shinae, I think these episodes have shined a lot of light on who she used to be, as well, and we can still see glimmers of that Shinae today. I keep thinking about that smile she wore for Alyssa, and how she said that she hated Yeonggi’s smile because she was unable to smile like that herself. She went from being able to wear that smile to finally defeated, scarred deeply by Alyssa’s choices and the fall that followed. Physical ramifications of trusting someone too much, of giving someone too much of a chance. In her eyes, she was punished for daring to think she could have friendship like that.

In fact, even though Minhyuk fills that void and becomes the kind of best friend Shinae needed, we know that years later she still has enough seeds of doubt to wonder if Minhyuk was only her friend out of pity because it’s so unfathomable for her to think that anyone can truly be her friend because they like her for who she is, and it takes reaffirmation for her to accept that it’s true.

That’s what makes this current arc SO special, in my opinion. This is a Shinae who still carries trauma with her, who is still so greatly affected by a literally traumatic fall, and in spite of that, she still finds herself wanting to find the best in people, craving the friendship she dares not believe she deserves. Despite it all, she held out a hope that she didn’t necessarily believe in, that Nol would find his way back to them not just for closure but to maintain that friendship. I think that much is obvious by the way she addresses him when he finally joins her on the rooftop - she’s cagey and uncomfortable having exposed so much of her vulnerable self to him because she thought they were ending things, not that he might decide to go back on his word, and she was so unprepared to face that. And still she tries to! Though he has to corner her to get her to, she admits that yes of COURSE she wanted him to hear all of that, to see him again.

In spite of all the ways Shinae has been hurt by people - by her mother, by her sister, her first friend, by Maya and Rika, by students who knew nothing about her but bullied her anyway, by the adults who never did their job and intervened or looked out for her - she still wants to find people who prove her wrong. I think this is even true for her relationship with Kousuke, who she has noted she thinks isn’t so bad as much as he just has lived a different life and is kind of misguided. I continue to think this is why Shinae will serve as a bridge between Nol and Kousuke, too - because she is likely to be the person to see the best in each of them, to bring out the best in them, and help them to see it in each other, too.

For as much as she’s told herself she doesn’t like people, that they will only let you down, for as much as she tried to isolate herself from others to prevent that kind of hurt ever happening again, she can’t resist but to want to let people in, because even though she believes the universe is punishing her simply for existing, I think she is learning that it’s not enough to simply bow your head and accept it. Things don’t ever change when you do that, and though she’s also experienced that sometimes things don’t change when you try to fight back, maybe it’s different when you have others by your side?

Again, I think Shinae’s entire experience with Alyssa has only reinforced her friendship with Nol, should they both decide to continue this friendship - which I think is what is being established. If Nol wanted to still run away, he would have used his opportunity. He states that his being there is for him - because it’s his last night and he wants to make things right, to make things up to the people he’s hurt. It’s for him because he wants to be where he really wants to be for once, and to atone for what he has done not for his karmic retribution or absolution, but because that is what friends do. The whole conversation that follows where he holds Shinae in place is not because he is finalizing their goodbye but to call her out and square things away. If they are starting this again, they need to do it on the same page.

Where Shinae gave too much of herself to Alyssa and to Yeonggi, maybe this time she and Nol will be equals, partners for real, and with this deeper understanding of each other, what their past has done to hurt them and twist their feelings, it is likely for them to form an even stronger bond and alliance.

UGH I have so MANY feelings and I feel like I’ve still missed so many points I’d like to make, but I think I’ve at least addressed a good bulk of them. I know there are people who aren’t enjoying this because they’d rather see Shinae and Nol talking, but this flashback is such a necessary piece of storytelling. It’s clueing us in more on who Alyssa is and what her motivations are, it’s really emphasized just how much of a toll this experience took on Shinae and comparing it to Nol demonstrates just how much it means for her to still reach for him. The perspective it’s given us is, I think, crucial to the friendship that Nol and Shinae are setting and helps us better to appreciate it as something beautiful in spite of the ugly they’ve endured, and what they mean to each other.

I think there are some readers who forget that what has happened to Nol, Shinae, Kousuke, and Alyssa in the past is absolutely a part of who they are now and what their paths currently are. Without examining all those scenes, we’re missing pieces in our puzzle and we can’t move on to their adult selves without exploring all of this. And considering this is a very character-driven story focused on exploring human traumas and the way it affects us, I, for one, am absolutely over the moon with this. I appreciate the rekindling of Shinae and Nol’s friendship even more knowing just how much Alyssa’s failed friendship hurt Shinae. Give me all the emotional baggage, thank you!

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #Alyssa Cho #Shinae Yoo #this is largely about these two #admittedly it's very Alyssa-centric but I promise I get to Shinae throughout this too!#i'm forever fascinated by the way Alyssa and Shinae continue to parallel each other but more than that i am fascinated by how much their #intersection has affected them and the people around them #you could argue that as much as Alyssa has affected how Shinae responded to people and potential friendships Shinae has affected even how #Alyssa treats Nol which is just incredible to me and something i really didn't anticipate #i talk a lot about how i think Alyssa may never have gotten over what happened with Shinae too and how this might be something that affects #her to this day but god being able to see the core of who she is now back then is wild. and also sad #gonna character tag for nol too since i address him here #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Yeonggi #because there's some Yeonggi specific bases too lol #i'm gonna end up making relationship tags soon i swear #rs: a few good friends are more than enough #afkjafjkafkjaf lmao idk if i'll use that but i love the idea of it #because i just know that we'll be seeing a lot more of the alyssa shinae impact in time #anyway aAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH #i hope alyssa kousuke anon is out there and sees this cos man i am vibrating #i'll probably work on a follow up for that alyssa and kousuke as mirrors post in time too tho it may be better to wait for more eps #IDK we'll see #this post is a best i am sorry

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originalcontent · 1 year

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Night in the Woods and Pathologic 2 are literally the same game, beyond a few superficial contrasts in presentation there isn’t a single difference.

#this is a vaguepost @ my sister #it is a joke but also if you try to challenge this statement i WILL defend it #*ahem* in this game you play as someone returning to their small town after having left for college (which they did not complete)#the character is honestly great. sarcastic little shit who might stab you but has a heart of gold and is a hero of the people.#the town is a part of you but you're also separate. your home feels like it changed but maybe you're the one who's different.#the town itself is a character. the autumnal atmosphere is not only beautiful but also perfectly ties in with the story's themes of change #the central conflict to the setting of course being the tensions between the past/tradition and the future/progress #drastic measures are employed in order to fight back against all the inevitabilities of industrialization involving ancient powers that be #and you're left to unravel its secrets and address it in just under two weeks before more people get killed #the game is set around 12 days plus a prologue and an epilogue #anyway. you arrive in town and go to your parents house and get in touch with three childhood friends. nothing is the same as when you left.#day 1 will also slap you in the face with a murder mystery but it's far too early for the full scope of the story to be revealed #in the following few days you get to explore the town and choose which npc's to spend time with #the game is designed so that you never have the time to do everything. many events will be locked forever if you don't do them on given days #your character is brash and possibly even violent but still finds themself mentoring kids and showing kindness to strangers #you also talk with a number of older more engrained members of the community and learn about the town's history and spirituality from them #there's a stark contrast between the full and bustling streets vs the abundance of abandoned spaces and empty buildings #you'll also discover that your dreams are packed with meaning and symbolism and will sometimes even see you commune with supernatural forces #tensions will rise as you uncover more and more pieces of the mystery. this ultimately culminates in a journey into the earth below the town #your character visits the magical pit that resides there where you learn the final truths of the story and can finally put it all together #you make a fateful choice in hopes of saving the town and the game ends allowing you to wander it one last time to see the results #you can take your time and when you're ready to end the game you return to a stage you've visited so often for your final goodbyes #of course the similarities don't end there. the weather. the rats. earth/sky dichotomies. the discussions of labor movements.#the church conspicuously lacking any christian iconography. the giant animals as a representation of god but also not. the color palettes.#the human characters who look like stylized dogs and birds. the empty theater. man i could go on forever.#they even each have a side story where you play as a traveling scholar trying to unravel the secrets that lie beyond the veil of death #if i were a games youtuber i would make this into a 20 minute video with spliced footage from both games #for those who don't get the joke nitw has the coziest vibes my side of gaming despite its inherent sadness and patho2 is a survival horror

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bramblepurr · 2 years

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finally closed the discord dms between me and an ex friend and i. i just wanna cry

#drop me in april for ur mental health or whatever. say you’ll come back. it’s now september #my ex rlly made me choose between them or you n then like two weeks later u dipped huh #i’m never getting that £20 back from that commission you never did. we’re never gonna meet up. we’ll never live together #you’ll never take me around the city i’ve moved to. you’ll never show me around because you live in the area #you just. have those gifts i bought for you. do you ever think of me?? i think of you too much. everytime i remember where i am.#everytime i walk past the uni i know your friend goes to. everytime i go to uni. everytime i go somewhere i think you’d like #everytime i draw my dnd oc. everytime i see anything related to lol or arcane #everytime i think about jayce i think of you and i hate it #i don’t even know what happened. i have no closure and i doubt i ever will #i still think about you when i see a bird i still think about you when i see weird cats. i still have drawings i made for you #i go on depop and i see the duck jellycat i bought for you. it shows your address. i thought about sending you a letter but i could never #i miss you and i hate it #vicious mockery.txt

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avatar-aaang · 2 years

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actually im still thinking about phil of the future

#personal #im going a little insane about it actually #just... idk maybe its just the media i consume or have seen around the internet #but rarely have i ever seen two characters with such good chemistry such good friendship that makes me go crazy #like from ep one it was like yes theyre best friends but maybe they belong together #and even when they got jealous they addressed it but never stopped to think maybe we are in love???#dummies!!#but they loved each other so much all the time??? constantly???#best friends through and through #and then when it was official it was like okay now i would like to see them remain the same best friends but now with acknowledgement that #their love is so deep #and it literally transcends time??? oh my god??????#did he get back to her? did she wait? did she make it??#how can you move on from a bond so strong?????#im going insane they worked so well together and then. he had to leave #and god i wish there had been another season to expand on their growth as friends and partners #how they would navigate the whole time thing #how nothing would change and yet everything would????#how all of his family members were willing to destroy the time core just so they could stay???#and it wasnt just for phil you know they all wanted to stay #and i just want to see them all happy #reunion episode at 20 yrs??? pls?????#and none of that over zoom stuff i want it done and shot like its 2004 again #anyway. nothing as sweet as when they were like yes?? we should be a couple for real?#and they were so excited bc they already were in everything but name #god. anyway.#dont mind me im just so emotional about a silly disney show from 18 yrs ago okay

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jytan2018 · 11 months

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I read the comic in one sitting less than an hour after finishing the movie, and wow I have many Thoughts™.

- It's very obvious the two versions were meant to cater to different audiences AND tell different messages. I don't get why people are going "But the comic was better! It had more nuance!" just because Nimona was easier to root for in the movie.

- The comic was written back when ND Stevenson was still trying to process a lot of stuff, so all the characters are morally grey/straight up evil and the climactic battle is between a Ballister who regrets turning against Nimona, even if it was to save others vs. a Nimona who's too hurt to care if her lashing out was going to hurt innocent people.

- By the time Nimona got a movie adaptation, ND was a lot more secure in his sexuality, so the climactic battle was Nimona vs. the Director, the symbol of religious oppression and bigotry. It's not just about your friends turning on you because you're "too much" for them anymore, it's also about a society that would rather bring itself to the brink of ruin than coexist with you.

- (I totally get why people were upset about Ballister's surname change, though. Like come on, the media dubbing him Blackheart just to be mean was RIGHT THERE).

- Nimona's metaphor for not shifting is such a neurodivergent thing. Even in the comic, Nimona's parents insisting she's a monster who replaced their daughter is reminiscent of the changeling myth, which is what many parents thought their neurodivergent kids were—changelings who replaced their "real" children.

- Ambrosius being trained to cut off HIS BOYFRIEND'S WHOLE FUCKING ARM instead of merely disarming him is a very cop thing to do. As much as cops claim they're trained to de-escalate situations, their training still teaches them to treat everyone as a potential threat, and that level of constant vigilance can turn anyone into a trigger-happy/arm-choppy bastard. Even the Director, who can use a sword but probably hasn't actually fought someone in ages, STILL can't see Ballister reaching for the squire's phone without assuming he has a weapon.

- And on that note, the Queen getting killed simply because she was trying to reform the Institution and allow commoners to become knights? That's the best "no such thing as a good cop" metaphor I've seen. Because even if there ARE good cops and they ARE in leadership positions, the system will crush them before they make any meaningful change. It's not a good institution that turned rotten, it's an institution that only exists to spread its rot and refuses to be good.

- That's why Ballister's characterisation is so different in the movie vs. the comic. Comic Ballister had 15 years to come to terms with his trauma and the Institution's evildoing, while Movie Ballister is still freshly traumatised and hasn't found a way to define himself beyond the role he was assigned by the Institution.

- Not to mention Comic Ambrosius was not very noble to begin with and genuinely believed Ballister was better suited to villainy than heroism, while Movie Ambrosius never wanted the glory that came with his lineage in the first place and only antagonised Ballister because of indoctrination he needed to unlearn (which he did, all by himself, after witnessing the lengths the Director will go to just to kill Nimona).

- It really shows how important it is to surround yourself with loved ones who are open to change. Comic Ambrosius can love Ballister all he wants, but he'll still blast his arm off because he thinks Ballister deserved it anyway. Movie Ambrosius will stop to question what "the right thing" even means, even if he didn't love Ballister enough to defend him unconditionally.

I have so many more thoughts bubbling beneath the surface, but I'll probably address them some other day. In conclusion:

[ID: A pink-haired Nimona grinning evilly while holding up a knife.]

Watch Nimona. This is not a request.

Edit: Added more thoughts!

#nimona #nimona meta #nimona comic #ballister blackheart #ballister boldheart #ambrosius goldenloin

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velvetydream · 3 months

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꒰ :🥀 [ Deer in headlight ] ”♡ᵎ꒱ˀˀ ↷ ⋯

Summary : You've been in the hotel for a while now yet one mistery you never uncovered, where that ears atop his head or hair? So you made it your mission to touch them and figure out if they are indeed ears.. and maybe a discover a matching tail to the ears?

Pairing : Alastor x Reader

Word count : 3025 Words

Genre : Fluff, Slightly suggestive near the end

Warnings ➵ Possessive and out of character Alastor

Part 2 -> < Like a deer in headlight >

a/n : I wanna pat his head and ears so badly, they look so fluffy and when they move around and are pressed to his head? I'm crying-

Also I wasn't able to find that scene as a gif so I made it myself `^` Why that scene? Bcs his ears layed back on his head look absolutely adorable!

┌───────────────────────── · · · · ♡

It's bugging you. Keeping a watching gaze on those fluffs atop a certain red-haired head, while you sat at the bar beside Angel who was in a conversation with Huskers, which you don't pay any more attention to. You were drawn in by the man sitting on the couch so carelessly while reading a newspaper.

They had to be ears right? They did move depending on his mood, even if not a lot.. But maybe it was also just his hair and not ears? If it were ears did he also have a tail? Ears and tail would make sense, seeing how he from time to time had smaller or bigger antlers atop his head, especially the big ones in his demon form.

"Are you even listening sweets?" Angels face appeared in front of your own now, twitching together a slight bit of surprise, your head turns to the two demons now and away from a certain deer demon. "Sorry.. I was spacing out a slight bit." You apologize to Angel now, Husk raising an eyebrow as he and Angel had noticed where your attention was diverted to. "Figured sweets, looked like you were eating smiles up with you eyes." Angel sends you a smirk, but you immediately start to shake your head, this wasn't what Angel was having on his mind right now. "I was wondering.. are those ears?" A gasp could be heard from Husk, Angel looking over his shoulder now to analyze Alastor's ears. The white spider was humming a bit, as he was debating whether they were ears or not, but Husker was already looking at you bewildered. "Don't even dare try anything, the last person to try and touch them was dead before they even got close." Now this was beginning to sound interesting, was Alastor this strange about it? If it was hair he wouldn't mind that much right? Well aside from the fact that he overall didn't enjoy being touched if it didn't come from his side or was allowed by him. But if they were ears.. were they sensitive? Was that why he didn't want anyone to touch them and.. did he have a matching tail? A cute little fluff of a deer tail?

Husk saw the gears in your head turning and speeding up, he grabbed both your cheeks as he turned your face to his, his eye staring into yours. "Don't you dare think about anything stupid, do you hear me?" Rolling your eyes, you pushed his hands away. Even though he was grumpy most of the time, you and Husk liked the company of one another, you two were quite good friends by now, so it made you a bit happy how he warned you and worried. But.. it was just thrilling to know, too noisy for your own good. "He won't kill me Husk, I'm his favorite!" Jumping from your seat, Husk lets out a groan, as you stride over to Alastor who is still busy reading the newspaper.

"Alastor! I got a question!" Jumping on the couch beside Alastor, you turn your body to him fully, one leg under you as your arm rests on the backside of the couch. Folding his newspaper together again, he lays it on the coffee table before looking at you. "Well of course my dear, go on ahead and ask whatever your heart desires to know!" He was talking and acting like a gentleman, giving you his full attention the second you addressed him and sat down beside him. "I was wondering for a while.. are those ears or is that your hair?" You were now pointing at his head, a smile still evident on his face, yet it somehow strained the slightest bit with irritation at your question. Huskers in the back was probably already fearing for your life. "Oh my dearest what a straightforward question, but I do fear I cannot answer you this. But do not worry your pretty little mind, maybe someday you will know." A soft pat was on your head, as the radio demon got up and made his way who knows where in quick strides.

"Oh no.. I know that face." Huskers was going crazy right now, the face you were making was one he knew oh so well, one that screamed > the game is on, I will win <. You were going to make this a game for sure, Husker was just praying the hotel would not be destroyed afterward.

The first thing now was to figure out if they really were ears, because if they were, you were so going to extant this self-proclaimed game of yours, to touching them.

"Oh Niffty my darling!" Shouting for the little psycho now, she jumps out of a room, a roach stuck on her little needle-like knife. She was a strange one no one understood, but still lovely and.. quite close to Alastor. "Niffty my dearest, you're very close to Alastor right? Do tell me, are those atop his head ears? Of course, you will get paid too for your information." Holding up a bag of alive insects and roaches, how you got them? Rather not ask, it was annoying and disgusting. Niffty was almost in an instant reaching for the bag, but you pulled it out of reach for her, reminding her what you wanted in return. "He told me how that part was sensitive and I should be careful, never told me if they were ears or not, but they have been pressed to his head a few single times when really irritated.. Now give me the bag!" Snatching the bag from you and running off with maniac-like laughter, she was crazy for sure. But did give you very useful information. Knowing the fact that he said they were sensitive, it makes you even more sure they were ears and pressed to his head when irritated? Yes, ears for sure.

Thats one check-point on your list done, now to the harder part touching them.. and figuring out if he has a tail too before he kills you for touching the ears!

Retreating to your room for now, you get out a notebook and scribble down some ideas of plans on how to touch them, but none of them seem really clever, so your notebook is quickly thrown against the wall out of frustration. A knock echoed through your room shortly after. "I heard a thump and wanted to make sure you were okay, you seem stressed.." Charlie entered your room, as you just slumped back against your pillows. Explaining to her what was bothering you, how you confirmed your theory that Alastor indeed has ears, but that you're now lost at how to be able to touch them. "You could just ask him! I'm sure a quick touch won't bother him!" Charlie was right.. If you would only take a second to touch them, just to feel them, he would agree, right? Thanking Charlie, you quickly make your way to Alastor's radio tower, this time of day he was usually busy writing his script for the following broadcast.

"Enter my dear!" His voice invited you, as he lifted his head to look at you. "What gives me the pleasure of your visit darling?" Pen still in his hand, his attention now on you though. Walking over to him, you look down at him, an unusual sight thinking of how he was normally taller than everyone and towering over them - well only exception might be Angel. "May I touch your ears? Just a second! I'll be quick!" Unnoticeable Alastor's eye twitched slightly from irritation, this topic again, you were not going to let it go, were you? "My dearest, I think I already told you to leave it, beside I never confirmed nor denied if your suspicions were correct." Head leaning on his palm now, as he was watching you, it was clear that if you were going to press on even further, he would get mad, but you didn't care. "I figured thanks to some information from someone, it won't be long! Just a soft touch! Just a second!" Now his eye twitched visibly, his hand raised and with a snap of his fingers, you were outside the door again, as you heard a click of the door being locked. Guess this didn't work.. Next plan.

Apparently, it would be harder than you thought to touch his ears. The first plan failed miserably. Currently, you are enjoying some tea with Rosie, maybe she could help you. Rosie was an old friend of Alastor, they were indeed quite close so perhaps? "Oh my dear, I have to disappoint you, our good Alastor hates getting them touched, he never let anyone near them and if, they were not able to talk about it afterward." So Rosie could also not help you, your ears peeking up now though as Rosie let out a thinking hum. "Perhaps, you could try and bribe him.. He does favor this one place in our town, it's rather expensive but, I can give in a good word for you, I do want to know how he reacts to you, his little darling touching them." Finally, some progress, though you didn't dare ask more about how Rosie had called you > his little darling < that would be for another time.

So with Rosie's help, you get his favorite meal for a good price as you make your way back to the hotel and immediately to Alastor's room. After knocking, his voice invites you in, which you gladly accept. "Oh, my dear Alastor! I got you food from your favorite place~!" In an almost sing-song voice, you announce that you got a meal for him. Now you finally saw it for the first time clearly, his ears perking up before his head turns to you with excitement. "Oh my dearest, you didn't have to!" As he was reaching out, just like before with Niffty, you pulled it out of his reach. "It wasn't cheap so.. how about as a thank you, you let me touch your ears?" The object of your current obsession now turned back, a slight scowl on Alastor's face, while still wearing his usual smile, though it was rather tight. "If that was all you wanted dearest please enjoy the meal yourself, I do not want it for those conditions." Was he for real right now? One you wouldn't eat this because.. it was in no way your preference and second you were only asking for a small touch. Rubbing them once, then you would, probably, never ask him ever again. Rolling your eyes, you push the food into his hands, you know he hasn't eaten yet, he tends to forget. "Eat it but don't think I will give up!" Storming out of his room now, his ears going back to normal, would you be behind him right now and his coat off, you would definitely see his little tail swishing from side to side.

Another failed attempt, your head now lying on Angels lap, as you both were bored in the foyer of the hotel. How could it be that no plan works? Was he despised by the idea of people touching his ears? Or maybe it hurt him? But then he wouldn't have allowed Niffty so many times to put stuff on his head and near his ears, like little self-made crowns or even flowers.

"Still no luck sweets? Maybe you should drop it, whiskers by now also absolutely going crazy worried about what your next plan will be." Angel was patting your head softly, running his fingers through your hair, your legs dangling off the side of the couch. "I really want to touch them, he just won't let me.." A small pout on your lips now, brows arched together in irritation. Over the last few days, you were breaking your head over what you could try next, but nothing really came to your mind. "Say, Angel.. your fluff is also a zone from your spidery traits, right? Would you let someone touch it?" Looking up at Angel now, he raised his eyebrows because you knew a lot of people were touching his fluff, but he figured out what you meant. "I would, because it doesn't do anything to me really, it barely tickles when someone goes too deep into it." It tickles? That was interesting, maybe Alastor's ears were also ticklish and that's why he didn't want them touched. To your surprise Angel pulled your hand to and into his fluff now, you never touched it like this. It was so soft, you bet Angel would make an amazing cuddle buddy. "See? It does nothing, but I know some others like me or smiles, who feel more on their animal traits, take whiskers for example, he wanted to cut off my hands the moment I yanked his tail once when I was drunk." You never knew that, that happened, interesting, you would definitely ask for more details of this story another time. Thinking about it now Husk would also probably not let you touch his ears or tail.

What you didn't notice was a certain demon sneaking into the hotel, watching you touch Angels fluff with stern eyes.

"Dearest!" Alastor was calling from behind you, as you made your way out of your room. "What's the matter? Do you need anything?" Alastor didn't say anything, but simply opened your door again and pushed you inside of your room, closing the door behind him. "Let's make a deal, you have to do something and in return I let you touch them." Your eyes sparking up now.. He was coming to you with a deal for touching his ears? And it wasn't for your soul?! This was probably the best day ever! "Sure whatever you want! Tell me! Now!" Your excitement couldn't be contained anymore.

"You are allowed to touch them once, in return you will never ever touch any other ones animal trait again." Huh? Your eyes blinked a few times as your brain registers his words. He asked you to never touch other's traits again? Did he mean because of you touching Angels fluff the other day? Did he see that? And why did it matter to him? Your brain was trying to puzzle together right now what this meant. "Wait.. I'm allowed to touch them once? No no no.. I'm allowed to touch them whenever I want, in return I won't touch others traits ever again." Holding your hand out with a determined expression now, Alastor's eye twitched again, but he still ended up shaking your hand, green lighting up from your hands for a second, but disappearing again after a second.

"Now.." A smirk played on your lips, as you took slow steps over to the demon, who was watching you closely. He lowered his head slightly for you to reach his head. Hands stopping an inch before his ears, fingers twitching to finally feel his ears. And finally all your advances and failed plans paid off. His ears were soft, the hair.. fur? On them soft, probably softer than his hair. They were rather warm, slightly moving against your fingers. Without thinking, you pressed a kiss against them, a gasp echoing from the demon they belonged to. Who knew all you had to do for him to agree was to slightly rile him up with jealousy?

"O-Okay! Enough!" Pulling back now, he was looking down at you again now. And what a sight he was right now. A sight you had never seen before. His face was bright red, as his ears stood tall in alert now, eyes wide and mouth despite smiling slightly agape by shock, probably of how much he actually liked it. "The deal was I could touch them whenever I wanted!" Looking at him with the best pout you could muster up now. Eye squinting a slight bit at you, before he could react, you grabbed his coat by the front, pulling him to your bed. "I will enjoy this now for as long as I want, I waited weeks and after all these failed attempts!" Fingers back on his ears now, softly running them over the fur, a cateful tug on them had the radio demon himself gasping, before biting his lip while trying to retain his signature smile. Wondering just how far you could go with this, till he might even pass out.

After hours, you finally stopped down to softly patting his hair, running your fingers through his hair. Leaning against the headboard, Alastor rested his head on your shoulder, visibly tired from you toying with his ears, now enjoying the contrast of your soft pats on his head.

"Does it feel weird? Or hurt?" Looking down at him now, you didn't even think of asking if it hurt him. Chuckling at how you're worrying for him now after hours of playing and patting his ears. "Do not worry your pretty little head love, I was so opposed to it because it's quite the opposite. It feels good, too good even sometimes." That explains his reactions a lot, his breath was rather hard when you were playing with them, and his face was crimson red at some point. If someone barged in to see him like this, they would have probably been dead by now. "Makes sense so.. do you have a matching tail?" At that his body tenses up, oh how you loved teasing him. But before you could take a peak under his coat, he was up on his feet and out of the room. This would be a fun new mission.

Angel couldn't help but cackle at the way Alastor stormed through the foyer and out of the hotel, absolutely disheveled. Husker just let out a breath when you joined them at the bar, though it stocked again when you told them of your newest plan of the radio demon and his deer tail. The radio demon probably already dreading your attempts and how he knew, he would in the end enjoy this just as much as he enjoyed you patting his ears.

#hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin #hazbin hotel #hazbin imagine #hazbin hotel imagine #alastor x you #alastor imagine #alastor #alastor x reader #hazbin alastor x reader #hazbin hotel alastor

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long-live-astronerd-ghost-king · 7 months

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DPXDC prompt: Dead on main. No trick only treat.

~~Сhildhood friends and deals~~

The Justice League has to summon a ghost from another dimension to address the threat. They don’t know what price the Ghost King will take but there’s little time to bargain. Another spirit threatening them has already seized all the computers on their base. John doesn’t know what else to offer. A summoned ghost starts to look bored. Gold, jewelry? A favor from a member of the League? Like the Ruler of All Dead needs it. No one dares to make another offer, and the King is in no hurry to set out his demands. Maybe try to pull off a soul sale scam?

Suddenly, Red Hood breaks into the hall, walks up to Phantom and shakes his shoulder vigorously. Red Hood: You, get Technus out of here right now. I need access to the files and fast. Phantom: That’s rude, dude. Where did you grow up? in the cave? No "hello, no how are you, Danny", really? Red Hood: I’ll pay the usual price. Phantom: Deal.

What is the price? John sees Batman and gets in his way. The usual price, his guy said. Means Jay was already out of the deal alive and well. This hyperprotective bat would only piss off the ruler if he interfered.

The King quickly deals with his subordinate using a thermos and remains to watch working Hood. Red Hood: What do you want? I’m busy. Danny: You and I have a contract~ Red Hood: All right, all right. Jay throws M&Ms right in the face of the ghost. But king doesn’t look angry. He opens the package and starts sorting the candies by color. Phantom quickly eats up all the green ones and passes the red ones to Hood. Jason takes them without any questions.

Strange. John has never seen a summoned creature share its reward with a human. And the son of a bat looks too comfortable with it. Wait, since when do super-powered beings think that candy is a decent wage?John makes one of the most likely deductions using his experience. Constantine: Batsy, how long has your son been sleeping with the King of Ghosts? Batman: He…what?!

~~~~~~~

Dick *knocking at the door*: Little Wing, you hate ectoplasm and everything what is neon green, so why? He’s dangerous! Jason who turned on the music to not listen to his crazy family: ~He’s poison but tasty~

Dick: NoOOoo

~~~~~~

Jason: And now everyone thinks that I sold my virginity to you for a bargain or something, because interdimensional creatures like you aren’t supposed to help for nothing. Like you’re playing favorites. I’m gonna fucking kill John. Danny: Well, I wouldn’t say no to that. Jason: What? Danny: I mean, to k-kill John, yeah. How dare he.. Jason: Omg, you’re still so terrible liar, Fenton.

Danny: Sorry :(

Jason: No. Say it again.

~~~~Twelve years ago~~~~ Maddie wasn’t thrilled to learn that Danny was trying to make friends with Todd’s son. Their neighbor was terrible. And his son was definitely a street rat and probably a juvenile delinquent. Maddie: Danny, honey, there’s got to be a reason this boy is talking to you. Even kids from the crime alley are always looking for a bargain they can make or a fool they can fool. Danny: But Jason is so cool! He knows so much about books and alleys and.. Maddie: But you don’t want to be a fool, do you? Danny: Okay, Mom, I get it.

So, if Danny wants a cool friend, he’s got to offer a bargain.

He didn’t have a lot of pocket money for every month but Jason needed it more anyway. And his lunch that Jack was picking for him was big enough for two and only bitten on Tuesdays. Nice. Jason: Do I understand correctly? You will pay me and give me food, and I, what? Protect you from bullies? Danny: No! I’m not weak, I don’t need to be protected. Just..maybe we could sit together at lunch and walk each other home sometimes? Jason: Nay Danny: But why? You want something else? Jason: Money’s fine but your homemade food is…strange. Danny: I can bring sweets if you want. Jason: Deal. 3 pop tarts for a joint lunch, a party size bag of M&Ms if you waste my time out of school.

~~~~

Sometimes they share sweets when they hang out but more often Jayson takes them home to save in case his parents have money problems. Sweets have a long shelf life stored and he may not be afraid to poison himself. Over time, candy becomes their currency and a secret language for all occasions. Need help without unnecessary questions? M&Ms. Problems with learning? Skittles. The question is about family? Snickers. There will be a serious conversation? Pop Tarts.

Jason: One snickers and a pack of gum. Danny: Yeah, Jason? What do you want? Jason: My mom wants to meet my friend. Come to lunch on Sunday. Danny: Okay, you managed to pay for my expensive services. Jason:…and you just lost the gum from the deal.

~~~~~~

Jason threw a package at Danny: Three pop tarts. We need to talk. Danny: All right? Jason: Why are you avoiding me all week?! Danny: Well, it’s just..you’re Wayne now. Jason. Still Todd. And what about that? Danny: You can hang out with the cooler guys now, I didn’t want to embarrass you. Jason: Bullshit! I’m still the street rat, and you’re trying to avoid our contract. me. And I don’t even need money from you anymore. What the hell? I thought you are my friend. Danny: And I am!

~~~~~~

Robin: What’s a schoolboy doing in an alley at night? Danny: Um, I…nothing? Don’t tell my parents, Mr. Robin sir. Robin: It will cost you so many Chunky Bars, you have no idea. Danny:...Jason? Jason: N-no. Danny: Damn yes. What are you doing in green shorts on the street at night?! Jason: Cosplay. Danny: Oh yeah? Then I’m just your hallucination. Don’t hesitate to ghost me. I’m going home, Disgrace In Pixie Boots, bye. Jason: fu%&c$#u

#dpxdc prompt #dcxdp #dpxdc #dpxdc crossover #dead on main ship #dead on main

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indecisivemuch · 3 months

Text

Lovesick & Lovelorn

Pairing: Luke Castellan x Reader

Summary: You thought that Luke Castellan, your best friend, did not reciprocate your feelings for him. To cope, you wrote letters addressed to him and kept them in a box. What happens when one of your sisters finds it? Inspired by 'To All the Boys I've Loved Before' (fluff, best friends to lovers; you thought it was unreciprocated feelings, happy ending).

Note: Ahh, I'm so happy the show got renewed for season 2.

Word count: 3.3k

You were deeply convinced your fate was tied to one with eternal lovelorn.

Three years ago, you arrived at Camp Half-Blood and settled into the Hermes cabin before you were claimed by your Godly parent. It was there that you met Luke Castellan - one of your soon-to-be best friends. Though, you knew you were doomed from your first glance into his eyes. Then came his friendly smile and an offer of a handshake, where his hand engulfed yours.

At first, you thought that silly little crush would dissipate. But over time, as you became close friends with the Hermes cabin counselor, you were almost convinced he was faultless. You seemed to adore every little thing about him. Along with the fondness that grew in your heart was also self-pity. At one point, even looking at him hurt because you knew he did not return your feelings.

Hence, the letters.

In between your memories of Luke were letters you wrote throughout those years just to cope with the unreciprocated feeling. It was painful, but what else could you do? You truly believed confessing would put your friendship at risk. Neither did you feel like dealing with the heartache of a rejection. So you never uttered any of your feelings to him, continuing to imprint it on lined papers instead.

You scowled as the pen you were using ran out of ink, leaving the latest edition of unspoken words unfinished. Wordlessly, you fold the incomplete letter into an envelope and shove it into the turquoise box you bought while returning from a quest once. You neatly put the box under your bed.

“Y/N, it’s time to head out,” one of your sisters repeated. Two minutes ago, people were starting to leave, so those on cleaning duties could clean up your cabin. Since you were mid-writing, you hastily asked for a few more seconds. Now, you were the only one left besides two of your sisters.

“Yes, sorry,” you quickly muttered, exiting the cabin and almost immediately bumped into Luke. “Hey, what are you doing here?” you asked.

“I’m here for you. I thought we should hang out,” Luke answered ever so casually. Yet, your heart swelled at the thought that he was there for you. Before you could reply, you two were interrupted by another camper, who told you that one of your other best friends needed you and that it was an emergency.

“I’m so sorry, we’re gonna have to take a rain check on that hangout,” you informed Luke. You slowly started walking backward and away from him. “I’ll see you later, though?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it. Come find me whenever you’re done, yeah?” Luke requested, hoping to spend time with you later. His soft look made you pause mid-step, almost as if your foot had been cemented to the stones beneath. You nodded absentmindedly before snapping out of that state to comfort your friend.

After two hours of listening to your friend and comforting them, you finally left their cabin to search for Luke, who previously told you to find him after. However, around half an hour later, you slowly gave up at the thought of doing so, feeling almost defeated.

As you turned to head back to your cabin, you spotted the Hermes counselor exiting his. You called out his name, watching his back stiffen before he turned to you. You ignored the odd behavior and recalled, “I’m free now if you’re down to hang out.”

“I’m so sorry, but I’m really busy right now.”

“Uhm, well, I guess I’ll just meet you at our spot whenever you’re done then?” you suggested. You and Luke fell into a routine of star-gazing every night.

Laying under the dark sky that painted your whole horizon often made you feel small. But something about that was so calming, especially considering most of the time, you were suffocated by the weight and duties of being a Demigod. You wondered if it was the moment or if it was Luke’ presence that aided your momentary peace.

“I really, really can’t tonight, I have a lot of things to do.”

“Oh… that’s okay. I’ll see you around?” you replied, watching as Luke fidgeted and gulped while attempting to look normal. It was futile, really, because being best friends meant you could sense when the slightest thing was even off. He nodded, and you retreated to your cabin with thoughts swirling in your head.

Then came the next few torturous and confusing days. For the last two years, Luke would always approach you - almost daily, and vice versa. Being best friends with Luke has been wonderful. Every day together felt like a blessing.

Now, it seemed almost like he was avoiding you. He would find a new excuse whenever you approached. He wouldn’t even look in your direction. Yesterday, you made eye contact with him, and he turned away abruptly, facing his back towards you.

You had enough after day three. You went to your cabin after dinner and reached under your bed with one hand. You did not want to, but this would perhaps be your first-ever letter of anguish about Luke Castellan.

The box…where is the box?

You peered under your bed, mouth hanging open when your eyes could not spot it either. You looked up and around, hoping maybe you had misplaced it somewhere, even though part of you knew you had put it under your bed. You have always done so.

“Hey, have you seen a turquoise box?” you asked your sister as she walked by.

“Oh, the rectangle one, about this big?” your sister reconfirmed, using her hand to show you the size she indicated.

“Yes, that one.”

“Oh, I gave it to Luke.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I was cleaning the cabin three days ago, accidentally knocked it over and saw letters addressed to him. He was right by the door, so I thought maybe I should just deliver them to him.”

Blood drained from your face, and your heart plummeted. Anything else your sister seemed to be talking about started sounding like murmurs, and you could not focus on a word she was saying. Your worst nightmare seemed to have arrived. Somehow, your friendship with him had ended without you knowing. No wonder he has been avoiding you these past few days. He has read them all.

“I need to go,” you quickly muttered, storming out of your cabin. You could feel your body slightly shaking from the panic. No amount of Demigod training had prepared you for moments like these. Then you saw Luke walking over you…with the box in his hands. You took a deep breath and practically forced your voice box to work.

“Listen, Luke—”

“I didn’t think you’d buy birthday gifts that early, Y/N,” he interrupted.

“What?” you questioned and observed the sweet smile gracing his Adonis-like face.

“This?” he gestured to the box. “Your sister gave it to me and said it was from you. Though I thought I should give it back ‘cause it’s not my birthday yet, you might have wanted to give it to me yourself.”

“Oh…” it was the only thing you could utter as it dawned on you what he had perceived the situation as. “Wait, so you haven’t opened it?” you clarified.

“Nope.”

“...So we’re ok?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t we be?” your mouth hung slightly agape at his words. As you scrunch your eyebrows, you could see how his fingers fidget somewhat, almost as if he could tell you would bring his odd behavior up.

“You’ve been acting really odd the last few days, Luke. It had me worried. I thought I did something wrong. It seems like you were avoiding me.”

“I was just really busy with counselor duties,” he dismissed it. However, something about it made you a bit hesitant to believe his words. You did it anyway, nevertheless. You blamed it on your stupid heart.

“Yeah, but—” you stopped, not wanting to stir anything. “Ok then, I’m going to put this away, but I’ll see you later, yeah? Maybe we can finally not rain check again?” You hated how hopeful you sounded. You’re glad that the sun had set a few minutes ago, blessing you with enough degree of darkness to hide your facial expressions from being as evident as they would be in daylight.

“Of course, I’ll see you later, Y/N,” despite the dark and only dim lights from nearby, you noticed there was something different about him. Luke was wearing a nervous smile, almost sheepish like a schoolboy. There was a glimmer of amazement in his eyes like he was in disbelief. Though it was definitely overpowered by a glaring degree of warmth. He was looking at you like all those writers have written down in the books you have read before - something along the lines of adoration and love.

You shook those thoughts away again, refusing to somehow fool yourself into believing he could reciprocate those feelings.

“Yeah, see you,” you muttered, hand gripping tightly on the box as you took it from his hold. As soon as you reached your cabin, you opened the box to peer inside. You immediately sighed in relief upon seeing the copious amount of letters with your handwriting on them, all with Luke’s name on the front.

However, your eyes landed on one unfamiliar one. It had your name on it, written in a familiar wonky handwriting that you have always found endearing.

You sat on your bed, taking the letter out delicately, almost in disbelief. Then, dread overtook any other emotion. Was this Luke’s way of letting you down easy? By pretending to not have read any of your letters and rejecting you through the form that you express your love to him? — you had to physically shake your head at that thought.

You took the letter out of its envelope and started reading:

‘Dear Y/N,

This is probably the 40th time I tried writing this letter. It feels impossible to try and convey everything onto one piece of paper.

You deserve someone to at least view you as their muse rather than always being the writer.

Hence why, for the past few days, I had to physically drag myself away from you every time you tried approaching me because I knew if I didn’t, I would just end up spilling my feelings out right then. I knew if I even looked at you, I would have just abandoned this letter idea and run to you. You should have seen me yesterday. When we made eye contact, I had to turn away from you because having the knowledge of you liking me back was enough to knock all the air out of my lungs. I was a flustered mess from just that eye contact.

I doubt my words could rival what you have written about me. You once wrote how it hurts to love someone this much and to always be the poet but never the poem. Well, I’d like to thank you for making me your poems. However, now it is your turn. Allow me to be your poet.

You occupy my mind like it’s your castle. If I had to name everything I love about you, this letter would never end. But for starters, here are some of the first times:

The first time Chiron introduced you to the Hermes cabin, I could not take my eyes off you. Chris had to nudge me away. Just from that alone, a part of me knew I was in trouble. I think I came to the conclusion that I did not want to hold anybody else’s hand after just shaking yours.

2.5 years back during a campfire in June, even when the fire had died and the air grew cold, our voices still filled the air. Conversations just flow when I am with you. I remember never wanting that moment to end. Then you started talking about constellations and told me about the ones above us. Right there and then was the first time I had the urge to kiss you, and to show you that I was just as obsessed with you as you were with stars.

The first time I realized I was in love with you was while coming back from a quest 2 years ago. I remember feeling so numb coming back. The world almost seemed monotone, and I wondered for a second, what if I had made one wrong move? Just as I returned to camp, you bolted and hugged me. Somehow, it felt like I had just taken my first bit of fresh air after drowning for so long. I vividly recall shutting my eyes as I hugged you back because I felt like I was finally home. I remember never wanting to be away or out of your hold as others approached and rushed to get me into the infirmary for checkups.

It was only when I was lying on the infirmary bed that it hit me like a train that lost control. A large proportion of why I fought so hard was to come back to you. You’re my best friend, Y/N, and my place of solace and peace. Then came the realization that I was in love with you. I remember everybody else’s voice drowning out as I focused on that thought. It was strangely calming, as if my heart had known all along but was waiting for my head to catch up. Then I remember just smiling as I looked at the ceiling, unafraid of the new feeling.

Last year, the day we went on a quest together lapsed with Valentine’s Day. Every moment felt extra sweet. Us sitting on the train, staring outside the window together like a couple going on a trip. My mind savoured the small things like you falling asleep on my shoulder with my coat around you and us holding hands as we walked through the crowd to not get lost among couples - which I like to imagine that others had thought we were one as well. It was the first time I allowed myself to pretend this is how it would feel like if you were mine and how our lives together would be if we were not Demigods.

I thought for sure you would have realized something by the way I was staring and acting around you that I was irrevocably in love with you. After reading your letters, I realized that you did see it. But you refused to believe that I could ever be in love with you. Well, I hope my letters will reverse all your doubts, because Y/N, it is so easy to fall in love with you.

In fact, the world I built up in my head during last year’s quest had consumed my thoughts enough to make me frown at the idea of returning to camp, where it would not just be the two of us anymore. Loving you has never been something I was afraid of. Loving you has been an honour every single day, even if you never knew of it.

It’s also somewhat funny that I was heavily lovesick while you were lovelorn. But I promise, Y/N, that from this second on, I intend to make you know that you are loved and that I am so deeply in love with you.

Again, I never intended for you to wait for three days, but I ended up throwing away every letter I started because I felt like none had suffice. I didn’t want to mess it up and give you something less than you deserved. I wanted to do something nice for you. I promise I’ll make it up for those three days if you allow me to. But one chance is all I need.

If you are willing to give me that chance, you know where to find me.

Sincerely,

Luke Castellan’

Upon reading his last words, you immediately left your cabin with the letter in hand. You jogged to the spot where the two of you would always meet to stargaze together. Almost instantly, you saw his tall figure under the moonlight. As if he could sense your presence, the Hermes boy turned around and gave you a sweet smile.

“You meant it?” you asked as you raised the letter up, slowly approaching him.

“Every single word, including all the unspoken ones I intend on telling you from now on,” the way he said it felt like he was swearing it on his own heart. “In fact, I would have written more down, but I knew I was keeping you waiting for too long,” he explained as you stopped right before him.

Something about this moment felt cathartic. Three years of dancing around unspoken words and yearning led to this moment. Luke grabbed your hand and rubbed his thumb over your knuckle. You peered up at him, and it was then that you finally accepted what his looks meant: he was in love with you, and there was no doubt about that. There was no more denial on your end that Luke Castellan was enamored with you.

“Will you let me be your poet, Y/N?” he breathlessly referenced the words you and him had both previously written like he had been waiting for this for a lifetime.

“Of course,” you answered almost without hesitation, watching his eyes soften even more, if possible.

“Is it ok if I ask you another question?” he asked again, his other hand caressing your cheek.

“Yeah?” Your face flushed as you saw his brown eyes dart to your lips.

“Can I kiss you?”

This time, you didn’t say anything. You’ve written down way too many words in the past three years. You decided actions would speak louder in this case. So you pulled Luke down by his camp necklace, hands gripping the beads on it as you tiptoed up to reach his lips.

Luke physically melted as he brought one hand to your waist to hold you up as he leaned down from the height difference. Everything Luke had imagined before could not match the kiss he was finally sharing with you - the kiss that seemed to seal his lips into a spell that would forever leave them unable to belong to anyone else. It felt like heaven and hell combined because he knew that this was going to ruin him forever, and every second he spent with his eyes shut would be one where he had this feeling and moment sown behind his eyelids.

You had the same line of thoughts. The wait was long, but you felt like it was worth it. Under the stars, you may feel small. But standing there next to Luke, you finally realize it doesn’t matter. Because he was holding you like you were the only thing that mattered.

You were his sun, moon, and everything in between - no constellations could ever measure to you.

--------------------

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#luke castellan x reader #luke castellan imagine #luke castellan x y/n #luke castellan x you #luke castellan oneshot #luke castellan #luke castellan fanfiction #pjo fic #pjo #charlie bushnell #pjo imagine #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo tv show #pjo series #best friends to lovers #fluff

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r3starttt · 3 months

Text

SHOW ME HOW

Read this or DNI

virgin!reader x ellie williams

summary: you thought the love you felt for ellie was in a platonic way, but maybe deep inside you the answer was already there, just waiting for it to be revealed, in a dream that Ellie is willing to help you with.

warnings: smut, virginity loss, pet names (pretty girl, babe, baby, good girl), first kiss, corruption, thigh riding.

It’s been aproximately ten years since you first met her, Ellie Williams, your best friend and the person your whole family adores probably as much as they adore you. The only one that knows everything about you, the one that brings your true self, the one that’s seen almost everything.

You’ve been friends since forever, best friends. The type to have sleepovers, to hug and hold hands, cuddle and be all the time together, do everything together. And of course people said things and thought things about it, about how close you were and how best friends don’t to that, but the answer you two gave was always “we’re like family” and it was credible, enough.

It wasn’t a lie though, or so you thought since it was her idea to give the answer. She’d come up with most of the plans, most responses, most of everything. Not because you never suggested anything but because she’s way more stubborn than you are and there’s no way she let you take the big decisions, there’s also no way at all that she takes no as a response and you’re the biggest people pleaser she’s ever known.

And again, it’s been years of friendship, years of seeing each other in all type of ways for many different reasons. Years of what seemed like endless nights of talking nonstop, or days even. Months when there was no school or job or anything to do but be with each other all the time unless Ellie had plans with other girls “friends” that she’ll end up bragging about later. So you knew everything about each other, you’d tell everything detailed, you trusted each other.

And she’d always assure you that everything she did with or for you was for the better, same applied for her, in different ways of course. She’s never been problematic or mean or anything like that, but she was the one to make you smoke and drink for the first time in your life. And you, you only made her listen to your boring music for hours or have the cute and boring plans as she calls them. But at the end of the day, is all fair, you both do what’s best for each other based on your different needs.

That’s why you love her so much, and until this week you’ve thought it was pure platonic love, the one that you feel for your family, and she’s family. But she changed everything, everyone said it’ll eventually happen, and you always, always prayed to god that It didn’t, you failed.

Ellie spoke for hours about this new girl she’d just met, something casual as usual, but apparently it stocked to you because later that day you had a dream about it. And it doesn’t really bother you to have a dream like that, not even because she’s in it, because it doesn’t mean anything right? But it felt too good and too real to forget or ignore or let go. And the more you think about it, the more you keep feeling like it might actually mean something.

Because she was in fact hot, attractive in all possible ways, and she’s not just hot but also pretty, delicate in her way. She’s smart and sweet and knows you incredibly good, and she’s always supportive. And she shows she cares about you, even when she’s all awkward and shy about it she’d do anything to let you know she cares about you as much as you care about her.

And there’s nothing else that you love more than that, and now probably nobody else that can make you feel it, you won’t let anyone else try to fill that space. It’s just not the same even if you tried. It’s not Ellie.

So now that you’re currently at her house in her bed, cuddling, you’ve been thinking about this while situation, how to address it without being awkward for you and without being too explicit as well.

She doesn’t mind it, she knows you’ve had thoughts like this about girls before, but you’ve never done anything romantic with anyone before. Not even kissed anyone or hold hands, nothing. Not because you’re innocent or afraid but because you haven’t found someone worth your first experiences.

“What’re you thinking ‘bout?” you can feel her hands rubbing circles on your back as she speaks, suddenly stopping and letting go of her phone, making you groan. You’ve been watching random shit in her phone for hours, trying to keep her busy from reading you. “Nothing” your hands move unconsciously tighter around her, pressing the side of her stomach and making you feel the small laugh that your very fake ‘nothing’ had elicited in her.

“You’ve been zoning out, I thought you wanted to sleep but you’re clearly not tired, so” she let go of you, slowly readjusting herself on the bed so that she could properly rest her back on the headboard “what is it? Mhm?”

“It’s something sex related, you know it’s all awkward f’ me el” you shifted your eyes towards her half leaded ones, furrowing at her corky smile “see? you’re already laughing at me and I-“ your voices overlapped, making you stop talking first “You gotta find yourself a boy or girl or whatever. If you keep hoping for the one worth your body then you’re gonna fucking lose your mind” little does she know, you thought, laughing at her comment and motioning your hand as in a silent ‘forget it’

“I mean it” Ellie spoke again, clearly determined to make you speak “It’s your fault, maybe if you stopped telling me every detail of all the girls you ‘relieve stress’ with then I would keep being an innocent girl” you positioned your hands together, as if you were praying. Now sitting in front of her.

You stopped the moment she hit your arm, rolling your eyes “You have no innocence in your body, you’ve always been a fucking mess, specially with people” before you could say anything about it she spoke again “Tell me, you know I don’t care” she shrugged her shoulders, making a small pout. She looked particularly pretty today.

“Did you do something today? y’ look different” Ellie rolled her eyes, letting out a exaggerated groan “eyeliner maybe, now stop avoiding and tell me about whatever wet dream you had now” yup, there she was, best friend that knows everything. And the stupid friend that besides being people pleaser knows shit about lying.

“I fucking hate you” a pillow thrown by you made her open her eyes again, chuckling at how obvious you were. “remember what you told me the weekend? I dreamt about it… but you were there and it felt wrong” you mumbled the last words, audible enough for Ellie to understand. She didn’t care, neither did you, well, you tried not to care much. But your body reacted before your mind would let you do anything so you felt already sweating and practically burning. And again, she knew and she noticed, but didn’t care.

“Why? didn’t I fuck you good enough? I’m not worth your body either?” Ellie’s characteristic sheepish smile formed on her face as she got closer to you, leaning on her elbows and tilting her head, mocking you. “I’m not gonna give you details, I’m just saying I feel wrong… it doesn’t mean anything but-“ “it means something, don’t be a pussy and accept you might feel like fucking your best friend”

Hearing the words out loud was less frightening than you would expect, maybe it was Ellie’s voice but the idea wasn’t as disgusting as you felt it was. Not wrong either.

“Stop it, alright? you know I would never” her eyes felt like they were piercing your body, like they could read your mind, like she could eat you alive any moment. And the closer she moved to you the more stupid you felt “Ellie, please” you tried pushing her away once she was practically on top of you, she was playing of course, and she would stop. “You seem to like it, tell me what you dreamt of, Mhm?” Or maybe she meant it this time.

You weren’t sure what to do or say, she’s never played like this with you, and you’ve never even kissed anyone. Yet before you could try anything she laughed. Her hands were pressed on top of yours, sinking in the mattress along your bodies. And her face was so close to yours her mocking laugh brushed your cheeks. You were craving her now.

She let go of you, resting her body against the headboard again and shifting her eyes towards the sides of the bed, looking for an empty space on the wooden tables to place her phone. “Come here” her hands patted her lap, spreading her legs to make some space for you.

And so you did, crawling to her lap and sitting comfortably on it, positioning your legs in between hers. Ellie’s hands slowly cupped your face “I’m doing my job as a friend, this doesn’t count if you don’t want it too, yeah?” a small laugh brushed her lips, mocking your noticeable lost eyes that were wandering all over her face, from her eyes to her lips as she spoke.

She’d made a mess out of you already, without even touching you. But her tenderness, her voice, her body, the way she felt snd smell, everything had a specific effect on you that had been hiding for a long while. It was like drinking for the first time.

Her lips pressed on yours, it was a tender kiss, sweet and gentle. It didn’t last long “it’s okay, it’s only natural baby” her hands moved from your face to your thighs, caressing every inch of them in the most delicate way ever. Nothing you could ever imagine on your own.

So you kissed her again, now with an idea of what to do but letting her guide your every moves. Her tongue eventually got involved as well, dancing with yours and filling your mouth with the most delicious motions ever. Again, nothing you could ever imagine in your own.

You could feel the heat and wetness increase in between your legs, ashamed for getting like this so fast but too focused on Ellie’s body to actually care. She purposely lifted the leg you were sitting on, shaking it the moment she felt her knee against your cunt. “You can move… it’s alright” she mumbled in between kisses, leading your waist with her hands so you could grind on her.

You knew what she liked, based on everything she’d told you before, so you did what you could, moaning on her mouth as she liked it, and letting her guide you as well. You added pressure on your own, riding her leg practically, gently jumping on it whenever you felt like you needed more.

“Yeah, just like that baby. You’re doing so good” her hands tucked your dress on your panties, right above your waist so you could move freely. Then she pushed you closer, making you rest your head on her neck. And you took the chance to do something you’ve dreamt of, tasting it and leaving marks on it along wet kisses that kept making her as wet as you.

You could hear her small whines in your ear every time your kisses an grinding combined, she could cum just by your touch, and so could you. But what was the fun in that?

“What did you dream?” her hands moved back to your ass, guiding it over her thigh, slowly. “Uhm…f-fuck” you couldn’t speak properly, too focused on the sensation “your fingers” you managed to say. It was pathetic for both, to be enjoying this so much. It didn’t feel right, but it didn’t count right?

“That all?” you shocked your head, feeling a knot of pleasure forming on your stomach and your legs getting weaker at every movement Ellie guide your body to do. “I was…on my knees” too shy to say the words out loud you gulped, hoping she’d understand “yeah? what happened first?” The grip on you tightened the moment she noticed you getting closer to your climax, making every move painfully slower “Y-Your fingers… please”

“What a good girl, already begging” her hands grabbed your waist, tight enough to make you stop “take it off, I need to see you whole or I won’t do anything” she gripped your dress as she spoke, pulling the hem of it. You hesitated before doing it, this was new for you, and for the first time ever you felt genuinely innocent with her, so dumb and ashamed of yourself.

Her lips took you out of trance, pressing them on your temple and murmuring something in between “it’s okay” kiss “you can” kiss “trust me” kiss “please baby, just let me see you” and now her eyes were in front of yours, she knew how to use the puppy eyes. You nodded, feeling Ellie’s hands slowly move to the back of your dress, unsipping it.

You stood on your knees, in between Ellie’s legs. You could feel your dress loosening as you heard the zip lowering down your body until it stopped at your lower back. You helped Ellie remove it, raising your arms so she could finally take it off, revealing your bare chest immediately, accompanied by your panties, that were removed as well.

Being completely naked in front of Ellie felt right, it didn’t count, this whole experience. But how you wish it did. The way her excitement is revealed by her eyes, wandering all over you and taking note of every mole, mark, anything that’s in your body and it’s usually unnoticed. Her eyes, her freckles, her hair, her touch and voice, all so gentle yet so hungry. She’s starving already, and you adore that.

Her breathing became erratic as how inviting you looked, she needed to touch you, to hear you and savour you whole.

Ellie tapped the sides of your waist, pushing you carefully and somehow not breaking eye contact. She need you but couldn’t get you as she wanted in her current position, so once she got you sitting in front of her, patiently waiting, she started to take her clothes off.

Being at her house, with you, she wasn’t wearing more than a hoodie she’s probably been wearing for days already. and her usual pair of boxers, already drenched under some black shorts. Ellie was quickly, motioning her hand once she finished so you could sit on her lap again.

You obeyed, sitting on her and waiting for her to instruct your movements again. Both her index and middle finger brushed your lips. You looked at her, furrowing your brows a little “open” Ellie murmured, opening her own mouth as well.

She slowly introduced them inside your mouth, unconsciously smiling at the pretty image in front of her. You took them in, brushing them with your tongue and covering them with your saliva. They moved in and out of your mouth, slowly. “good girl”

Her free hand was resting on your thigh, making small circles near your hip bone with her thumb. You wanted to move, you needed it, but the fear of making a mistake was bigger, it wouldn’t count though, but something inside you felt like it might.

Her fingers came out of your mouth, you noticed the string of saliva connecting them with your lips, letting out your tongue one las time to cut it. “You’re being so good f’ me baby” her voice came out slightly husky, breathing brushing your lips as she spoke.

Her hand trailed down your body until it came to your clit, massaging it painfully slowly and making you sigh in pleasure. She started slow, making small circles on it as her mouth kept occupied by your hardened nipples, her eyes kept fixated on you as she did her every move.

You tried pressing yourself on her, delicately coordinating your body to her motions and rubbing yourself against her fingers.

Her fingers stopped moving on your clit suddenly, moving now up and down your folds until she decided to finally let you have what you wanted, teasing your arousal by pressing the tip of her fingers right above it.

“Ellie…” you whimpered, desperately pressing yourself again her fingers. A ‘pop’ made you look down, realizing how badly she’d been covering both of your breasts with saliva “what baby?” her chin pressed in between them, looking straight into your eyes “I need you, I want you to fuck me” you begged, tightening your fists besides each side of your body, fully desperate “please”

“So pretty…asking for me” Ellie nodded, bringing your face closer to her as her fingers made their way inside you, motioning in and out of your aching cunt. She started slow and gentle, caressing your back until she heard those pretty moans you let out, and her name in small whimpers.

So she did it faster. And you did your job too, riding her fingers at some point eventually, the way they curved inside you, her knuckles hitting the outside of your cunt whenever she did it too hard and how deliciously she kept on rubbing your clit with her thumb. It was impossible for you to keep immobile.

“El, fuck…gonna cum” her smile widened, moving her face to your neck and leaving a tail of wet kisses on it, she murmured a ‘yeah?’ to which you nodded desperately, both increasing its movements until the pleasure became overwhelming, making you press you whole weight on Ellie as you got to your climax. Covering her whole hand in your juices.

“You made a mess pretty girl, mind me helping?” her fingers kept on moving some seconds after you came, abruptly removing them, eliciting a small whimper out of your lips.

You could feel your inner thighs covered in wet, she tried cleaning some of it with the rest of your thighs before moving her hand up your face again. You already knew what to do, licking them and flavoring your own taste.

She moved her face closer to yours as well, removing her fingers out of your mouth once you licked your juices off and pressing her lips on yours one last time “gotta clean you, yeah? you did good, just rest babe”

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