#the way her dream doesn’t even involve her child like jane it involves her having the ability to say NO.
Text
i go into the six tag because i live nowhere near broadway and can’t see it but i want gifs and clips of the dialogue
i immediately see a take that says that six is anachronistic for no good reason and has a shallow take on the wives of henry viii, completely ignoring that the each song starts with the “silly” and well known stereotype of that woman before unraveling it to reveal that even when they actively pursue henry, in the end the power difference is so great that their choices are illusions meant to play into henry’s ego & ideas of true love & pursuit of a healthy male heir, how do you look at anne practically sobbing out “like what was i meant to do?” when she realizes she’s going to die and jane spending half her “love” song crying that she’ll never see her son grow up, like katherine parr literally spells out that she did all of these feminist things & got mary & elizabeth back into the line of succession & tried to help raise them but no one remembers bc her legacy begins and ends with a husband she didn’t even particularly like, and come to the conclusion that the musical is shallow it just doesn’t beat you over the head with its message that’s all, why are we all incapable of seeing subtlety anymore dammit and-
i eject myself from the six tag.
#six the musical#the refrain of ‘what was i meant to do’ the POINT is that she makes these unlikeable choices bc they’re all she has to keep herself safe!!#the way her dream doesn’t even involve her child like jane it involves her having the ability to say NO.#down to the way her dress has a silhouette so harsh it makes her virtually untouchable!!#the only one with a silhouette as harsh as hers is katherine of aragon who decides to go to a NUNNERY. who spends her song equally angry#about how henry is allowed to have affairs while she’s supposed to just grin and bare it!#LIKE. IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND MUSICAL THEATER DONT SPEAK ON IT!!!#rani makes text posts no one will read
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
more about “the doll”
ooc: hey!! there’s some more important info abt lucy that i wanted to share + some not as serious lucy fun facts. this is kind of lengthy so everything is under the cut 💜
personality / misc hcs
she hates that she has to be addressed by her callsign. she wasn’t called her actual name for years—she was only addressed as Subject Number 27 in the lab—she wants to be just lucy again.
lucy calls her brother “jem” a lot because when she was first learning to talk she had trouble saying “jeremy” so she said “jemmy” instead.
she and scout butt heads a lot because of how ideologically different they are, but they love each other dearly. they both are very protective over the other.
she shows her affection through acts of service. she’s very bad with her words.
lucy loves loves LOVES tea and sweet foods and drinks.
besides her work uniforms, she doesnt really have any clothes of her own. she has a couple of dresses (all gunne sax) gifted to her by spy for her 16th birthday.
the work/combat boots she wears are horrifically beat up. they’re worn out because they’re all she wears. she has another pair of shoes and mary-janes as part of her uniform, but these shoes in particular are cherished by her because they were the first piece of clothing she was given after being rescued from the lab.
because she didn’t grow up in boston for too long, lucy doesn’t really have a bostonian accent, but when she says certain words, it kind of slips out.
lucy has a slight gap in her front teeth. her teeth didn’t grow in properly. she was playing baseball with her brothers when she was four, and a stray pitch knocked one of her baby teeth out and the other lodged into her gums.
as part of her training for her “psychic abilities” she had to learn how to do multiple complex actions or tasks at once. this is the reason why she knows how to play multiple instruments (piano, fiddle, some woodwinds), why she’s very skilled in ballet, why she’s a skilled singer.
lucy was told that fighting is a lot like dancing. she really internalized it. she moves very gracefully and fluidly the field—however, normally she moves very stiff and awkwardly.
lucy was taught different languages in the lab as part of her “educational enrichment.” she’s best with french and struggles a little with german. she tries to teach herself russian (mainly for heavy)
lucy is mixed. in my hc, her ma is filipino.
she is not comfortable in her own body. she feels like she’s somewhere in between being a girl and being a boy but she doesn’t know how to express that properly.
lucy is ace.
lab related
lucy is incredibly pale due to being stuck in that dark lab for a decade. dark circles under her eyes are more visible because of this.
she has high pain tolerance due to training procedures in the lab. they needed to make sure she could still use her abilities even when her body was under high stress or running on incredibly low amounts of sleep or being dehydrated or dangerously hungry. many of her natural body “cues” are not normal. the mercs need to keep her in check because of this.
lucy has a really weird relationship with food because of the lab. even though she hated what they forced her to eat, those foods still bring her comfort.
she had to mature way too fast and way too soon. she felt she had to “kill” the child that she was in order to survive in the lab. but that child never truly “died” so lucy is in a really bad balance of being fiercely independent or concerningly codependent.
she has bad dreams nightly. her nightmares involve her being found by the AiHB and them killing or torturing the people she loves. or it’s her death in the lab. someone else being experimented on and she can only stand there and watch. her being unable to save someone because she can’t overpower their attacker. she would calm herself down by going to find scout or sniper or spy to make sure that they were there and safe and well.
lucy had to keep a journal in the lab. there were drawings and written entries in it. scout took the journal, then spy stole it from him and he keeps it with him after that. they both wanted insight on her mental state. scout never learns spy stole it from him—he just thought he lost it. lucy does not know that this happened.
lucy becomes very paranoid over her privacy. of people listening to her conversations in secret, hidden cameras.
she becomes especially sensitive to the mistreatment of animals.
she has oddly specific fears and all of these are because of the lab—she’s afraid of black vans, she’s afraid of dotted fabrics. the sound of EKG machines.
she was terrified of men in white coats, so she was terrified of medic. she wouldn’t talk to him, she couldn’t be in the same room as him. he mistook her genuine fear of him as her trying to intimidate him. after that, he actively makes sure to assure her he is nothing like the men in the lab.
addressing the RED and BLU lucy of it all
so when i was first making lucy’s character, i had the comics in mind more than i did the game. there are implications in the comics that are different from the games. the most important one to lucy is the whole “spy is a deadbeat” thing
because in the games its heavily implied (but. basically canon.) that the father of RED scout is BLU spy. the father of BLU scout is RED spy.
but in the comics, RED is kind of written as if they are the only team. making RED spy the father of RED scout.
so for me i have been treating comics lore lucy differently than game lore lucy. she has the same story no matter what—she will always be scout’s little sister and second child of the spy, but the exact semantics of her differs.
because i realized kind of quickly that both a RED and BLU existing in the same space at the same time would be a little problematic logistically. because both lucys work as assistants to the administrator who is authorized to go down to the respective RED/BLU base that her brother works for. but i feel like both teams would definitely realize “wait, if she works for the administrator…then she…”
so there IS. a RED and BLU lucy, however they do not/cannot in the same timeline. they’re in parallel timelines to each other.
because this is something that is interesting to me, both lucys have knowledge of the other but they don’t realize that.
they both think that the blips they see or things they hear are not related to an “alternate timeline.” they both simply think that they’re experiencing side effects from their meds or their psychic abilities.
how did this happen? a procedure performed in the lab went horrifically wrong. lucy’s abilities at this point are wildly out of control. she unintentionally caused a power surge and lucy almost died due to the machines she was hooked up to.
this event happened at the same time across the main RED lucy and BLU lucy timelines. there’s more about this but it gets kind of even more confusing but. anyways does this at all make logical sense? probably not! is this at all necessary? absolutely not but im keeping it in bc i think its cool lol
RED lucy and BLU lucy
RED lucy prefers to act as support, usually acting as the team’s second sniper or giving medical aid to anyone she sees in base. RED lucy is a lot more defensive than offensive. she uses her abilities more for self-defense or disorienting the enemy to allow someone to get out of a dangerous situation. she avoids the frontlines she’s more afraid of getting killed on the field or getting captured because she knows she’s easy pickings to the other team.
BLU lucy would be found on the frontlines near her brother. she feels much “safer” there, because she thinks it would be easier to kill or capture her if she’s alone. she uses her abilities to cause major distractions to lead the enemy into surprise attacks.
RED and BLU lucy both consider sniper to be one of their closest friends. they both consider pauling to be a sister figure.
i really like how a lot of people portray BLU as being more serious than RED. so that means BLU lucy is a much sunnier person. she processes her trauma in the lab differently—she cracks more jokes and laughs more easily about it. her viewing it as a fucked up joke is how she ignores/suppresses her trauma.
they both are left handed.
okay this was a fucking lot lmao if you have any questions i will gladly answer them. thank you for reading or getting this far 💜
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Mother Nature? That's my girl! 🌱💗 (U1)
Hey everyone! so having started this nature blog and all, I thought I’d introduce you to a good friend of mine but I’m realizing you might actually already know her? You see, Mother Nature’s friends with pretty much everyone but it’s easy to forget you’re not her only one, cause she often has a way of showing you things that feel like they were created just for you.
For as long as I can remember, my relationship with nature has been my prized possession. Having spent each summer as a child on the beaches of Lake Erie swimming, adding to my shell or rock collections, and often rescuing baby birds and other critters who fell victim to the changing seasons, I always felt like being outside was simply put; fulfilling.
As I grew older, I found myself spending more and more time deliberately looking to nature for entertainment, distractions, and peace- whether it was for a forest walk to look for fauna when I’d be feeling down, or randomly researching new animals or plants I’d previously heard of when I would get bored, nature always had a place for me, my emotions, and interests. Around the transition from elementary school to high school (and likely a consequence of hearing about the horrors of climate change for the first time), I decided I wanted to protect nature. Not yet knowing in what way, but for the first time understanding not everyone shares my sentiment of holding nature in the highest regard.
Now bare with me cause this is one silly story but spoiler! I’m in fourth year zoology and I’ll tell you what, or better yet who, helped me get here. On an anthropology trip to a zoo in 10th grade, I had an assignment involving watching a primate and so I walked into the Gorilla enclosure (because who doesn’t want to be even remotely like Jane Goodall?). Oddly enough there was no one else in there. After almost leaving before making eye contact with a lone gorilla in the enclosure, I went up to the glass and smiled, hoping to somehow translate my appreciation for the opportunity to see him. I’m honestly not sure what I expected but his response? Walking right up to the glass and taking a seat 2 feet away from me, staring at me with what I could only describe as sad eyes. At that point another classmate came in, jokingly saying “oh cool, he’s watching you too” and in that moment which I really didn’t see coming, I just started bawling my eyes out. Funny enough the gorilla walked away as if he did his job in sharing the sadness, but I think in that moment I just felt so sorry for the ape. We'd spent so much time in other classes learning about deforestation, global warming, etc. etc. and so it was sort of like one of those movie flashback scenes except it was like the life I thought that gorilla should have had. To this day, I still interpret that hour as my eureka moment, where I was told by an intense-eyed gorilla that animal conservation is what I’m meant to do.
Since then, I’ve had the dream of opening an animal sanctuary. To help me one day get there, I've worked at exotic animal outreach programs, was a zookeeper, participated in local conservation efforts in both Toronto and Guelph, and have even been to Madagascar this past summer to practice lemur conservation research. (I also have a ton of lovely pets to share with you but that's for another time!) At this point, it really feels like the passion could only ever grow. It’s my hope that with this blog though, I’ll be broadening my definition of nature to not just immediately go to animals so stay tuned! And go …
:)
*images taken from pinterest
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Only Friend
Character: Jason Todd x Fem!Reader [Robin!Jason Todd]
Summary: Gotham mourned for Robin. But who mourned for Jason Todd? Y/F/N Y/L/N wasn’t just another one of Jason Todd’s friends. She was his only friend.
Word Count: 7,000 [One Shot]
Warnings: Violence, Death, Loss, Grief
Y/N didn’t know what time it was. She hadn’t opened the blinds in her room for days. And she didn’t plan on doing so anytime soon. In fact, she didn’t plan on getting out of bed anytime soon.
She heard a knock on her bedroom door. From the sound alone, she knew it was her mother.
“Y/N, dear. Can I come in?”
She wanted to say, ‘No.’ She wanted to say, ‘Go away.’ But Y/N didn’t even have the energy to do that. So she just laid still with the covers over her shoulders and said nothing.
Her mom slowly opened the door.
Y/N’s family had been tiptoeing around her since it happened. They didn’t know how to handle the situation. Most parents don’t expect for their daughter’s best friend to die. No child should have to face grief like this.
But Y/N had no choice.
Because Jason Todd was dead.
“Hi, honey,” Y/N’s mother cooed as she walked into the room. Then she placed a plate of food on her nightstand. “I brought you something to eat.”
Y/N didn’t even so much as look at her mother, just continued to stare off into nothing.
“Is it alright if I open of your blinds and windows. I think you could use some fresh air.”
Y/N gave what appeared to be a half shrug, barely visible underneath the thick covers.
But her mother seemed relieved, it was starting to smell musty in the room.
Her mother sat on the edge of the bed and stroked Y/N’s face. “The funeral’s tomorrow.”
Y/N’s eyes finally looked up at her mother – desperate and scared. “Do I have to go?”
“I think you’d regret it if you didn’t, honey. You deserve your chance to say goodbye. Your father and I will be there with you.”
Then Y/N closed her eyes and burst into tears. “I had a dream about him last night. And I woke up and remembered–” she had to pause to catch her breath. “I-I-I remembered he’s g-gone.”
“Oh, honey,” her mom whispered as she pulled Y/N into her arms. “I know you miss him. I know. He was your best friend.”
Y/N pulled away and looked up at her mom. “He was my only friend,” she corrected.
———
Jason Todd was sitting at a lunch table by himself and reading when someone slammed their tray down across from him. His eyes flickered up in a glare, already expecting someone to try and pick a fight with him or something.
But instead he found a girl standing above him, smirking down at him.
No, not just any girl, the prettiest girl in their grade. No one else at this stupid school seemed to think so. But that just further proved Jason’s theory that everyone here were idiots.
“Hi,” she said confidently.
“H-Hi?” Jason stuttered back.
“I’m sitting with you,” she announced as she sat down. “I’m Y/N.”
Jason finally smirked and remained confused. “I know who you are…”
“You’ve never talked to me, so how was I supposed to know?” Y/N said back. “And you’re Jason Todd.”
“Yes?” He responded.
Y/N laughed at his confusion.
Jason Todd wasn’t popular. There was a disconnect between him and his peers. The kids at Gotham Academy were trust-fund babies and spoiled brats. They were such snobs that there were even cliques separating the kids who came from old money from those who came from new money. It all seemed ridiculous after literally starving in the slums of the city.
Jason Todd wasn’t a rebel. He didn’t lash out or let his inability to connect to the other students make him feel down. Ask any teacher who had him and they would say he was a straight-A student and he never once caused trouble in their class. He was always polite and respectful, responsible and well-behaved.
Jason Todd wasn’t bullied. Maybe it was a vibe he gave off, but somehow the other kids knew not to mess with him. Jason came to school with a black eye once, and he always wondered if it freaked them all out enough to never try to mess with him – not that they would ever stand a chance against him.
In regards to the middle school hierarchy, Jason was nobody.
Because Jason Todd wasn’t really a kid. He just had the misfortune of also not being an adult yet.
He was just a poor punk from the Narrows, who just happened to try and steal the tires off the car of Gotham’s notorious vigilante. He didn’t belong at this snobby prep school.
But going to school was one of Bruce’s demands after making Jason his new Robin.
Jason just didn’t know how to make a convincing argument for why he didn’t need social interactions with kids his own age.
“Is this some kind of dare?” Jason asked Y/N.
She froze her eating and scoffed at him. “You’ve watched too many bad teen movies. What kind of asshole would I be to do something like that?”
But Jason still looked around the cafeteria, expecting to find a table full of people watching this interaction and trying to hide their giggles.
Y/N finally slammed down her food, sat back, and crossed her arms. “People at this school suck.”
“Uhh…OK?”
“I saw you reading Pride & Prejudice the other week. And you were wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt yesterday. You helped pick up Jill’s stuff when her backpack ripped open, while everyone else just laughed.” She paused. But Jason waited. “What I’m saying is that I’ve decided that you don’t suck.”
“Oh,” Jason blurted out.
“Do you honestly think anyone at this school even knows who Jane Austen is? And some dude in my English class tried to tell me Nickelback was his favorite band.”
Jason laughed at that. “How did you even respond to that?”
“I asked him if he was fucking with me and then the teacher yelled at me for swearing. And I told her, ‘How am I supposed to react to a Nickelback fan without using profanities?’”
Jason laughed again.
That was how Jason and Y/N became best friends. That was all it took.
Jason would soon find out that Y/N didn’t belong here just as much as him. She didn’t come from money – just your normal, middle-class suburban family. She’d won a full-ride scholarship to Gotham Academy, which was impressive since they only handed out one per grade.
Meanwhile, Bruce Wayne made one 30-second call and Jason was accepted – no questions asked.
Y/N was rather mature for her age, but it wasn’t the product of being Batman’s sidekick and fighting the criminals of Gotham City.
—
Any second Jason had to be a normal kid was spent hanging out with Y/N. Jason was at Y/N’s house all the time, loving Y/N’s parents and envious of the stable home Y/N got to grow up in.
It took awhile for Jason to feel comfortable inviting Y/N to the manor, despite Alfred saying he was welcome to have friends over whenever he wished. Jason eventually got over his embarrassment. While Y/N seemed in awe of Wayne Manor, the evidence of Jason’s wealth didn’t make her treat him any different. They mostly hung out in Jason’s room anyways. Or in the kitchen when Alfred made them snacks.
While they were at school, they always ate lunch together and walked to classes shoulder-to-shoulder any chance they got. They only needed each other.
They ignored everyone else. And in return, everyone else left them alone.
For the most part.
—
Jason should’ve known something was wrong when he heard the commotion on his way to third period.
When he heard kids start chanting “Fight!” his gut somehow knew Y/N was involved.
Jason shoved his way through the thick circle that was surrounding the drama.
He reached the opening just in time to see Y/N tackle a boy named Parker to the ground. The crowd gasped, not actually expecting them to actually go through with violence. Then Y/N lifted her fist and landed a punch to Parker’s face.
But Jason quickly stepped forward and pulled Y/N off.
“He’s not worth it, Y/N.”
Recognizing the voice of her best friend, Y/N allowed him to pull her away.
“Gonna let your boyfriend pull you away?” Parker yelled out.
Y/N whipped back toward him, but Jason wrapped his arms around her and held her back. “Y/N, leave it!”
“I’m not the one with the a black eye and bloodied nose, asshole!” Y/N screamed, only half fighting Jason’s hold. “Next time, I’ll kick you so hard in your tiny dick that you won’t be able to have kids.”
Jason managed to drag her through the halls with a vice-like grip on her hand.
Y/N scoffed at his efforts, “Where are you even taking me?”
“We’re ditching class.”
She shrugged. “Sounds good to me.”
Jason knew exactly what exit didn’t have an alarmed rigged to it or any video surveillance. He also grabbed a cellphone in his back pocket and started to type frantically.
“You have a cellphone! What? Since when? My parents said I can’t get one until high school,” Y/N groaned enviously.
Little did she know, Jason had set up an AI system that would call the school with Bruce’s voice and leave a recording about how Jason needed to be dismissed from school. It was perfect for Bat emergencies.
He had added Y/N’s parents voices to the algorithm a few months ago, having a hunch it would come in handy.
As soon as they were a safe distance away from the school, Y/N let go of Jason’s hand and walked slightly ahead of him.
With their freedom secured, Jason could focus on Y/N now.
“What did he do?” He asked her gently.
Y/N was smart and calculated. If she’d picked a fight with someone, Jason knew it had to have been caused by something serious.
“Doesn’t matter,” she mumbled.
Jason rushed forward and stopped her walking. “Hey, come on. It’s me you’re talking to…”
Y/N nodded, knowing he was right. They told each other everything, or so she thought.
Her eyes went to the ground, too embarrassed to meet his gaze. “We were in health class. Today was the unfortunate lesson for learning male and female anatomy. Mrs. Martin started talking about…” Y/N hesitated. “She started talking about boobs. Said something about when girls start seeing a change.”
“And?” Jason urged softly.
“Parker chimed in and said, ‘Or if you’re Y/L/N… never.’”
Embarrassed by her confession, Y/N started walking again – quicker, this time.
Jason jogged to catch up to her. “Fuck him. Only a loser asshole would say something like that.”
“Well…he’s probably right.”
Jason shrugged. “Who cares?”
This time Y/N stopped walking. “You don’t get it,” she snapped. “Every girl in our grade is growing up. And I still have the chest of a boy. My mom won’t even let me buy a bra because she says I don’t need it yet.”
Jason was speechless.
To be honest, he had never really noticed. Y/N wore baggy band t-shirts or flannels all the time. He wasn’t exactly studying her silhouette when they hung out. But he never imagined that Y/N would be bothered by something like that.
“Sometimes I’d just like to…I don’t fucking know…feel like a girl.” She paused. “A pretty girl,” she emphasized.
Jason stared into her eyes. “You are a pretty girl.”
Y/N sighed and rolled her eyes. “J, you don’t have to say that.”
“I’m serious. You’re the prettiest girl in our grade, Y/N.”
That caught her off guard. He’d never said anything like that to her before.
Sure, Jason said nice things to her. But it was usually him complimenting her taste in music or thanking her for showing him a new book he loved. But he’d never called her pretty before.
Jason, worried that he’d exposed himself, pulled her to him so he could give her a noogie. And the moment was broken.
“Jason! I think I’ve proved today that I will hit a bitch!”
He just laughed and playfully shoved her away. “Come on. I’ll buy you one of those embarrassing frappuccinos from Starbucks.”
“Excuse you! They’re not embarrassing. They’re delicious.”
Jason could tell Y/N didn’t want to talk about the fight anymore. So he thought distracting her was the next best thing.
And, by some miracle, they returned to school the next day without any punishment.
But Jason wasn’t done yet.
Parker didn’t realize he was messing with Robin’s best friend.
Jason was patient. He waited for the precise moment when Parker would be alone.
A week after the fight, Parker turned the corner of an empty hallway and jumped when he nearly ran into Jason.
“What do you want, Todd?”
Jason took a step toward him and lowered his voice, “If you ever say anything like that to Y/N again – or to any girl, for that matter – I won’t hesitate to beat the shit out of you.”
Parker side eyed him. “Yeah, right.”
Without hesitating, Jason reached forward, grabbed Parkers palm, and snapped the index finger of his dominant hand.
Parker let out a screech of pain and fell to his knees.
Jason kneeled down to whisper in his ear, “No witnesses. No cameras. And I’m actually in gym class right now, running the mile. No one will believe you.”
Parker looked up at Jason like he was a madman.
Jason smiled and patted him on the head. “Remember what I said.”
After that, Parker never even so much as looked in Y/N’s direction.
—
Jason and Y/N looked out for each other, protected each other
And Jason may have kept his other life of Robin from her, but Y/N seemed to already sense that there was something Jason was hiding. It wasn’t just something, it was dark.
When Y/N started noticing bruises and cuts on Jason’s body, she grew concerned. But she wanted to observe and think of all the possibilities before she ever brought it up.
Then one day at her house, she made a joke and slapped Jason playfully on the back.
He hissed uncontrollably and his entire body froze.
“Jason?” Y/N asked with concern.
“I’m fine. You just surprised me and knocked the wind out of me,” Jason said hurriedly.
But Y/N wasn’t stupid. She quickly grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and ripped it up so she could see his back.
“JASON! What the fuck!” She gasped in horror as she saw the bruises scattered across his skin. She had never seen anything like it.
“Shh!” Jason tried to calm her to stop her parents from coming in and then having her immediately showing them too.
“What happened?” Y/N whispered, her eyes glazed over with tears.
“Nothing. I’m fine, Y/N. I promise.”
“You’re not fine. And this isn’t the first time,” Y/N countered. “You think you do a good job of hiding them, but I see the other bruises and cuts, Jason. And don’t think I don’t notice how often you skip school because your ‘sick.’”
Jason stayed quiet. He didn’t want to lie to her. But he couldn’t tell her. It could put her in danger. And if Bruce ever found out, he’d put a stop to the whole thing. Jason would never be Robin ever again.
“He does it,” Y/N whispered.
Jason blinked. “Who?”
“Bruce,” she clarified. “He beats you, doesn’t he?”
Jason’s eyes widened in horror. He knew Y/N was weary of his adoptive father. She noticed how absent he was from Jason’s life, then took note of how cold he was when he was present. But her theory made perfect sense. And if the roles were reversed, Jason probably would’ve come to the same conclusion.
“Y/N, Bruce has never hurt me.”
She frowned. “You don’t have to protect him. And you don’t have to take his shit. I knew something was off about him ever since I met him. But I didn’t think it was this.”
“Y/N…” Jason began.
“Does Alfred know?” She couldn’t imagined him every letting something like this happen if he did. Y/N had grown to love Alfred almost as much as Jason.
“There’s nothing for him to know, Y/N.” Jason laughed. “I was trying to walk across the railing above the great hall and fell and landed on my back. I didn’t tell you because I was embarrassed, OK?”
He knew from Y/N’s face that she wasn’t convinced. But she also knew not to push someone who was in the position she thought Jason was.
But to his horror, tears started falling.
“I just…I want you know that I’d do anything for you. You can live here! My parents love you and they’d take you in! Or-or-or we can run away together – just you and me.”
Jason hated seeing her cry. She rarely ever did it. And to know he was the cause made him feel sick.
Not knowing what else to do, Jason pulled her into a hug.
“I’m OK, Y/N. Promise. You don’t have to worry about me. Please don’t cry.”
“We just have to steal some of the stupid jewelry he has laying around and we’d be set for life,” she mumbled into his shoulder.
Jason laughed and pulled away. “Bruce took me in. Gave me a better life. He’s protected me. I know you don’t believe me, but the bruises aren’t because of him.”
Y/N wiped the tears away sloppily and nodded, but they both knew that Y/N didn’t believe him.
Y/N didn’t look at Bruce the same since that day. Not that she spent a lot of time around him.
But Bruce shared a look with Jason when he received the first very harsh glare from the pre-teen girl. It ended with a very uncomfortable conversation between Bruce and Jason where the boy explained what theory Y/N had come to.
Though Bruce said very little in response, he was wracked with guilt. To learn that someone thought he had the potential to behold the evil he tried so hard to eradicate in the world? It made Bruce sick to his stomach.
———
Now Y/N stood with her head hung low, in a crowd dressed in black.
These people didn’t know Jason Todd. Maybe they played the part of mourning funeral goer well. But Y/N saw their performances still.
The only people Y/N recognized were Bruce Wayne, Alfred, and Jason’s older brother, Dick Grayson. She’d never met him before, only seen pictures of him around the manor. Jason always seemed disappointed when Y/N brought Dick up or tried to ask about him. Y/N got the impression that he wasn’t all that great of a brother to Jason. Especially when it was obvious Jason looked up to him and was desperate for some sort of fraternal relationship.
Y/N looked up at her mother when the priest was finished with whatever he was saying. His words were impersonal, sullied by religion, and did nothing to comfort Y/N. He didn’t even say one thing about what made Jason so great.
“Can we go now?” She whispered to her mother.
She patted Y/N’s back. “There’s a gathering inside the house now. We should say our condolences to Mr. Wayne and Alfred.”
Y/N frowned at that. The last person she wished to talk to was Bruce Wayne.
She had been watching the man through the entire service. He was stoic and collected. There didn’t seem to be any sadness to be found in his eyes.
The longer Y/N watched him, the angrier she became.
“Please, let’s just go,” Y/N begged her mother.
People were making there way into the manor now and weren’t paying any attention to a girl, despite the fact that she was the best and only friend of the boy they were pretending to mourn.
Her mother gave her a sympathetic look. “Honey, don’t you want to say hi to Alfred. I’m sure it would make him happy to see you.”
Y/N knew her mother was right. She could do that for Alfred. Plus, he gave the best hugs, and Y/N could sure use one of them right now.
They waited in a sort of informal line. Y/N wanted to hit everyone in front of them as she was forced to listen to their empty and rehearsed sympathies. Bruce didn’t say much in return, simply thanking each of them.
But when Y/N and her parents were finally up, Bruce Wayne’s expression shifted.
It was the first time Y/N saw any sort of emotion from the man. He looked heartbroken at the sight of Y/N, who’s hand was tightly gripping her mothers.
Bruce, standing at 6’2, knelt down to be at Y/N’s eye level.
“Hello, Y/N.” He greeted quietly so no one lingering around them could hear.
Y/N only glared at him.
If she were being honest, she was surprised he even remembered her name.
But Bruce continued. “Thank you for coming today. I’m sure the past few days haven’t been easy for you.”
Then he cleared his throat. And Y/N’s brow furrowed at the sound. Was he trying to hold back tears? No, that couldn’t be possible.
“I wanted to thank you for being such a good friend to Jason. He talked about you all the time. I’m glad he had someone like you in his life.”
Y/N felt nauseous at how genuine Bruce Wayne’s words sounded. His eyes were even more sincere.
What happened to the cold and distance man she’d had little to no interaction with?
‘He has an audience now,’ Y/N told herself. ‘He knows everyone’s watching. He’s performing just like the rest of them.’
“What did you do to him?” Y/N finally whispered to him.
Where she got the courage to speak to an adult in such a way, she had no idea – especially one as powerful as Bruce Wayne.
Bruce tensed at her question. Was that hurt in his eyes?
“Y/N!” Her mother hissed down at her.
“It was you. I know it was,” Y/N muttered as her lips trembled and tears started falling. She thought she’d run out of tears, but this was her final outburst.
“Y/N, enough!” Her mother hissed again and then made eye contact with Bruce and Alfred. “I’m so sorry. She’s not…she’s not handling any of this well.”
“You did this to him!” Y/N yelled. “He always had bruises…and-and-and cuts! You used to hurt him!”
“Y/N!” Her father finally chimed in, completely stunned by his daughter’s accusations.
“I hate you!” Y/N screamed in Bruce’s face as tears flowed down her face.
With that, she ripped her hand from her mom’s grasp and made a run for it. She heard her parents yell her name, but she ignored it and kept running.
Bruce stood up, looking unfazed from Y/N’s hateful and accusatory outburst.
“We are so, so sorry,” Y/N’s mom insisted. “She’s never done anything like that before.”
Bruce held up a hand, stopping them from continuing. “It’s alright. Really.” Then he sighed. “I’ll have Alfred go find her in a bit. Perhaps she just needs to let out some steam.”
Y/N didn’t even realize where she was running until she ended up at Jason’s bedroom.
Her entire body shook with sobs as she opened up the door.
It looked exactly the same, like nothing had even happened.
Y/N walked to the other side and slide against the giant windows, curling into a ball on the floor with her arms hugging her knees to her chest.
She cried and she cried and she cried.
There was no way for her to know how long she’d been there. But her head snapped up when there was a knock on the doorframe.
Dick Grayson leaned against the doorway with his arms crossed and a sad smile on his lips.
“Hi,” he greeted softly.
Y/N sniffed and rubbed the snot from her nose with the back of her fist, “Hi.”
“I’m Dick,” he introduced as he closed the door behind him and sat on the foot of Jason’s bed, making sure to give Y/N her space.
“I know,” Y/N answered back through a stuffy nose.
“Alfred tells me you and Jason were good friends.”
“We were each other’s only friend,” Y/N corrected him.
Dick nodded slowly.
“I hate him,” Y/N mumbled.
Dick winced. “Jason?”
“Bruce.”
“Believe it or not, I know how that feels,” he sighed.
“Did he hit you, too?” Y/N asked with wide eyes.
Dick opened his mouth, but was so shocked by the question that no words escaped.
“Why didn’t you help him?” She followed up with. “Where were you?”
Dick knew she wasn’t asking what he felt like she was: Why didn’t you stop the Joker? Why was Robin all alone? Why didn’t Batman call you for help?
But that didn’t stop her interrogation from hurting him.
“I haven’t always been there for him,” Dick finally admitted. “Actually…I’ve never really been there for him.”
Y/N looked at him with bewilderment. “Umm…” she sniffed. “I should find my parents.”
When she stood up, something caught her attention on Jason’s desk.
Y/N’s hand shook as she picked up Pride & Prejudice. He was the only middle school boy she’s ever seen reading a Jane Austen book. It was one of the reasons she wanted to befriend him in the first place.
“Keep it,” Dick surprised her by saying.
She quickly turned around and gave him a questioning look.
“You should keep it,” he told her. Then he looked at the overflowing book case she was standing near. “Take whatever ones want. He’d want you to have them.”
Y/N’s eyes flickered through the bookcase. Her heart was telling her, ‘No, they’re his books. He’ll need them when he gets back.’ But Jason Todd wasn’t coming back.
So she reached up and grabbed Jane Eyre and then Frankenstein.
“That’s it?” Dick asked. Because he would’ve let her take Jason’s entire collection.
Y/N nodded shyly.
Dick escorted her through the house and back to the gathering.
When she saw Alfred, Y/N rushed forward.
Dick’s heart ached as he saw the butler immediately kneel down and pull Y/N into a hug. He wondered what the man whispered to her. Whatever it was, it seemed to comfort her in a way that apparently nothing else was.
Then Y/N’s parents returned to her side. Dick expected them to scold her for her earlier outburst, but they just seemed concerned and started making their leave.
Y/N looked behind her and searched through the crowd to find Dick again. When she did, she gave him a sad wave.
Dick returned it with a sorrowful smile.
———
8 Years Later...
Jason had been keeping tabs on her since he returned to Gotham. He kept his distance, remained out of sight. He would jump from rooftop to rooftop as she walked home from a night class. Or he would wait for the window of her apartment bedroom to go off if it was a slow night of patrolling.
He told himself it was out of curiosity. But he knew deep down he was making sure she stayed safe.
Jason was happy to see that Y/N didn’t retain her lonesome ways in her life after his death. He frequently spotted her having dinner or drinks with friends.
But Jason didn’t know how to feel when it was clear that Y/N had no romantic partner. Was he relieved? Was he irritated that someone didn’t love and care for her the way she deserved? Would he have been jealous if there was someone in his life?
Jason wanted to find her as soon as he was brought from the dead. Even when he felt like he’d gone insane, when his thoughts didn’t make sense and he was confused…her face still echoed through his mind.
But vengeance became his priority.
And with it, Jason slowly convinced himself that it was best to stay far away from the only person he still cared about.
But that didn’t mean her didn’t want answers still.
After his war with Bruce – or really, his attempted murder Batman and the Joker – Jason allowed himself to actually look back on his old life, the parts that didn’t involve being a child vigilante.
Still not on speaking terms with Bruce. Jason decided to get his info from another source.
Cue a month or so after his brush with Bruce, Jason blindsided Dick the next time he was in Gotham and slammed him against the closest brick wall.
Jason used to look up to Dick as a kid, despite his older brother rarely even giving him the time of day.
But now, Dick was quite literally looking up at Jason.
While Jason died a 13-year-old Robin, he was now a 6’3 man who had the set of a heavyweight boxer. Dick might be more flexible and acrobatic, but Jason had brute strength.
“What? B tell all of you not to talk to me?” Jason challenged when Dick didn’t fight his hold or speak to him.
“What do you want?” Dick asked evenly.
“Why did you keep tabs on her?” Jason growled, his voice distorted through his helmet.
“Keep tabs on who?”
“Y/F/N Y/L/N.”
Dick finally had enough of being bullied and shoved Jason’s grip off him. “Why don’t you look her up yourself? I’m sure you have no issue with hacking every personal database of hers.”
“That’s not why I’m asking,” Jason growled.
In fact, Jason had already done everything Dick had suggested. Which made him see that she had made a third-party domestic violence report to the police a week or so after Jason had died. And she had kept following up with it until the police finally came clean and told her there was no evidence to support her claim and she was wasting her time.
It seemed Y/N was the only person that fought for Jason after he was gone. She had just picked the wrong fight.
“Why did you keep tabs on her?” Jason clarified.
“I just wanted to make sure she was OK.”
That caught him off guard a bit, seeing as Dick never gave a shit about Jason when he was alive. So why would he look after his best friend?
“What? Out of the goodness of your heart?” Jason ridiculed.
“She didn’t handle your death well, Jason. She even picked a fight with Bruce at your funeral.”
Jason smirked behind the safety of his helmet at the image.
Dick sighed and finally put down his defenses. “I failed you, Jason. All of us failed you.” He shook his head as he got lost in a memory. “Y/N even asked me why I hadn’t tried harder to protect you.”
Dick’s eyes saddened. “I figured if I couldn’t be there for you, the least I could do was make sure the most important person in your life was OK.”
It wasn’t the answer Jason was suspecting, but it was all he came for.
“Will you go see her?” Dick asked as he saw that Jason was about to take his leave.
“We were kids. Things have changed,” Jason grunted.
“I don’t think any of that would matter to her,” Dick defended. “I think she’d like to see you and know you’re OK.”
“Mind your business,” was the last thing Jason snapped at him before jumping off the rooftop and disappearing.
————
Jason did what he said: he left Y/N alone.
He watched over her when he could. But most importantly, he didn’t drop a ghost from the past back into her life.
But he also tried to find that ghost in himself.
Somedays he thought that Jason Todd was lost forever.
But other days, like today, he still seemed to live on.
Jason browsed through the books on the shelves. He missed so many of them when he was dead and then when he reinvented himself.
Now he saw books as a time to fill in the empty space.
He was lost reading the back of covers when he heard it. No, when he heard her.
Next thing Jason knew, he was walking toward it.
“I’m sorry, dear. We’re all sold out of that title. You should’ve reserved it weeks ago,” one of the clerks told her with sympathy.
Jason peered between the shelves and caught a glimpse of y/h/c.
“I know. I just totally spaced. I think I’ll just browse for something else. Thank you for your help.”
Her voice sounded mostly the same, maybe a bit more mature. But he still would recognize it anywhere.
Jason knew he shouldn’t move any closer.
But he couldn’t help himself.
He was just one aisle away from her now, only a bookshelf separating them.
He slowly edged around the corner and smiled as he saw the massive pile of books that Y/N was trying to juggle in her arms. When she tried adding one more, they broke free from her grasp and stumbled loudly to the ground.
Jason didn’t know what he was thinking as he jumped forward and bent down to help her pick them up.
He saw her blush, but keep her head dipped from the embarrassment.
“Thank you,” she quickly laughed as she tried to pile the books back together as fast as possible.
Y/N opened her mouth to say more, but the words got caught in her mouth when she finally met Jason’s eyes.
He wondered how different he looked to her. Could she even recognize him? Or was he fooling himself when he became convinced he was an entirely different person after being brought back from the dead?
But his questions were answered when Y/N looked in shock, only unfreezing when her eyes began to tear up.
“It’s not possible,” she said so quietly that it was barely a whisper.
“Everyone good? I heard a loud noise.” The clear interrupted loudly.
Y/N jumped in response.
Jason stood and faced the clerk, “We’re fine.”
But when he turned back around, Y/N had booked it.
“Fuck,” Jason hissed before carefully handing the books to the clerk and quickly following after Y/N.
She made it further than he would expect. He actually had to look around the streets outside the store for a moment before he could spot her.
As soon as he did, he ran. But he called her name before he reached her to make sure he didn’t terrify her more.
Y/N froze when she heard him and whipped around. “Who are you?” She asked roughly.
There was a moment, when she first met Jason’s blue eyes, where she allowed herself to believe that perhaps a miracle had occurred.
But now she only saw this as some sort of heinous prank.
“It’s me, Y/N.” Jason almost sounded like he was begging her.
She then fully took him in. Yes, he had the same face. But now he was a full-grown man – and an extremely handsome one at that.
“I shouldn’t have spooked you like that. I’m sorry.”
“You’ve been dead for 8 years,” she muttered.
“I know. It’s a…” Jesus. Jason didn’t even know how to go about this. “It’s a long and complicated story.”
“Were you ever really dead?” Then Y/N’s eyes flashed with a realization. “Did you stage your death? To get away from him?”
Bruce. She meant to get away from Bruce.
Jason looked around. This was no place to have this conversation. He couldn’t believe they were having it at all.
“Fuck. OK.” He quickly shuffled through his pockets until he found an old paper receipt and a pen. He quickly wrote something down.
“I know this is…a lot.” He ran a hand through his hair, a gesture that reminded Y/N of the Jason she used to know. “If you want nothing to do with me, I understand. You’ll never have to see me again.”
He took in a deep breath and handed her the receipt.
Y/N slowly took it and looked down to see a phone number written down.
“You deserve time and space to…” he couldn’t find the right word, “process all of this.”
Y/N watched him as if she was expecting him to vanish like some sort of hallucination.
“After you do,” Jason continued. “If you’re willing to hear me out, I’ll be there,” he told her sincerely as he gestured to the number Y/N now held in her hand.
He waited for Y/N to say something, or maybe even try to make a run for her life.
But after what felt like forever, Y/N gave a short nod.
Jason gave her a shy grin as he slowly started walking backwards. He hesitated saying one last thing for her. But his mind finally told him, ‘Fuck it.’
“I’ve missed you, Y/N.”
————
Jason told himself not to get his hopes up. Y/N had every right to be horrified by him and wish to never see him again. From what Dick described, Y/N hadn’t handled Jason’s death well at all. What child could?
But when Jason got a text from Y/N’s number a week later, asking him to come to her place, he couldn’t help but beam.
Except reality then quickly settled in. And it reminded Jason that this conversation would involve talking about his past for the first time.
‘Suck it up. She deserves to know,’ he heard his past self screaming in his mind.
An hour later, Jason was knocking on Y/N’s apartment door.
“Hi,” she greeted stiffly.
“Hi.”
She led him to her bedroom. “My roommates aren’t home right now. But who knows how long that’ll last.”
Jason didn’t stop himself from looking around. Maybe it was a habit, all of his training of taking in every new environment with acute detail. But really Jason just wanted to take in Y/N and her new life.
That’s when he spotted the three books.
Jason immediately reached for one of them.
“Oh,” Y/N said sadly as she saw what he grabbed. “Umm…Dick told me I could take those. He…umm…said you’d want me to have them.”
“You kept them all this time?” He muttered, still looking at Pride & Prejudice.
“Of course.” Then a thought suddenly occurred to her. “You can have them back. I mean, they’re yours after all.”
Jason smirked at her fumbling. “No, keep ‘em.”
Then the tension from this strange reunion returned to the room.
Y/N gave him a heartbroken look and sat on the edge of her bed. “Jason,” she whispered, “what the hell happened to you?”
Jason slowly joined her on the bed.
His breathing shook as he tried to prepare.
But Y/N deserved to know the truth – the whole truth.
So he told her everything. He told her he was Robin. He told her how he died. He told her how he came back to life. He told her where he’d been.
The only thing he left out was how she was all he could think about when he watched the bomb tick down to 0 and he knew he was about to die.
But the hardest part was explaining why returning to her wasn’t the first thing he did.
“It wasn’t Bruce. It…you…you were Robin that whole time?” Y/N couldn’t even seem to process it.
Jason just gave a curt nod.
“I reported him,” Y/N gasped. “I was convinced he had something to do with your death.”
Jason winced at that. “Well, if you asked him, I’m sure he’d take responsibility for it still.”
Y/N’s eyes glazed over as she tried to take another look at the past now that she knew the real truth that had been hidden. So many things made sense: all the injuries, Bruce’s behavior, Dick being a distant brother – all of it.
“Y/N,” Jason whispered. Her eyes whipped to his. “I’m so sorry for leaving you like that.”
Y/N finally allowed herself to cry. “Missing you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”
Jason didn’t care about keeping his distance any longer. He pulled Y/N into his arms, just like he used to when they were kids.
Eventually, her crying slowed and Jason knew he needed to finally say the hardest thing about this all.
“But I can’t stay, Y/N.”
Y/N wasn’t expecting that. “What?”
“I’m not…I’m not that kid anymore. I’ve done things – terrible things – that won’t ever let me return to the person you knew.”
“I don’t care,” Y/N said surprisingly harsh.
“What?”
“I said I don’t care,” even though she knew he heard her. “You think I’m the same person after 8 years, Jason? You think that little girl didn’t face the consequences of losing the best friend she’s ever had?”
Jason didn’t know what to say to that.
Y/N wiped away her tears and her entire body shifted. “From everything you’ve told me, you don’t seem to have many friends – if any. So, sounds like you could use one.”
How could Jason have overlooked Y/N’s stubbornness when he anticipated how this would all end?
“I lost you once. I’m not losing you again. Especially not with all I know now,” she added.
Jason didn’t even bother fighting her on it. Y/N had always been his greatest weakness. At least he knew that hadn’t changed.
“OK.” He agreed. “So what now?”
Y/N smiled at his surrender. “Now…we have a whole lot of catching up to do.”
--------------------
Wow. I did not realize how long this was going to take me.
Please, please, please let me know what you think. Reactions and feedback and reblogs are the only thing that keep me writing on here.
#batfam#batman family#jason todd#jason todd fic#jason todd x reader#jason todd reader insert#batfam reader insert#bruce wayne#dick grayson#alfred pennyworth#batman universe#batman fandom#dc universe#red hood#red hood x reader#red hood reader insert
644 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think it’s so fascinating how mj is someone who is naturally empathetic and easily picks up on the feelings of others, but she is not someone for whom being kind is always easy or automatic. it’s a skill she has to work for, and something she gets better at as she grows. and it’s part of why i love her so much.
(image heavy meta under the cut)
mj in general is uncannily perceptive and finds it second nature to put herself in someone else’s shoes--part of the reason being an actress makes perfect sense for her character. in spectacular spider-man 85, there’s a small gag where mj tells peter he looks troubled, and peter responds “tell me about it”, only for mj to go “okay!” and immediately list off the reasons why he’s upset. peter notes that mary jane “read [him] like a book” (keep in mind at this point they’d been broken up after peter’s failed first proposal and had fallen out of touch, and mj still doesn’t miss a step).
with peter/mj being one of the cornerstone relationships for spider-man, it’s not hard to find moments throughout their time together where mj reads peter in a way no one else can--she’s one of the few people in the world that peter completely opens up to. but i think it’s notable that she still is attuned to peter’s emotions before they become close. she’s there for peter as they grieve over gwen together--most famously in the epilogue for tasm #122, but also in lots of smaller ways. she’s the only one who notices peter struggling to get through school after gwen passes, and she seeks him out when he isolates himself, repeatedly inviting him out of his shell.
(tasm #124)
but we don’t just see her do this with peter; she also steps in to help liz after harry dies, despite the way their relationship fractured once mary jane started suspecting harry was acting as the goblin.
(web of spider-man #101)
she sees past may’s folksy surface and seeming frailty, acknowledging the many difficulties she’s endured and the will of steel she has.
(spectacular spider-man #186)
she uses her class clown routine to help cheer gwen up after her father dies.
notably, she also is the first one to realize gwen has run off after flash gets into a fight, and she volunteers to be the one to go after gwen--admitting that even though it’s unlikely she’ll get through to gwen, she still feels like she has to try. meanwhile peter, the guy gwen was on the verge of marrying, was too caught up in his own feelings to check in with her.
(spider-man: death and destiny #2)
she defends peter and harry for being standoffish after gwen dies and harry overdoses.
(tasm #125)
she has a real sense for when people are hurting or in need, and when you put all of this together, mj starts to sound like a saint. and she is an incredibly compassionate and supportive person! but harry’s above reaction- while cruel and possessive -- isn’t coming out of nowhere. the end of their relationship was pretty terrible. mary jane flirted with peter a lot after gwen left him to go to england, and it clearly made harry feel hurt. there are lots of ways you can interpret her actions--she never considered their relationship to be serious, her feelings for peter were already present, she was trying to give harry a reason to end things between them. x-men/spider-man #1 has gwen suggest it’s a sort a reverse psychology mind trick to keep harry’s attention on her (something peter also suggests in another issue), and mj more or less agrees with her. regardless of her motive, she’s told multiple times that her behavior is hurting harry, and she keeps doing it. his anxiety about their relationship is part of what leads to him to start taking drugs. when she does eventually dump him, mj tells harry he’s “always been good for a few laughs”, but shouldn’t let it go to his head... words clearly designed to sting.
to be absolutely clear, harry had lots of his own issues that had nothing to do with her (including his deep insecurity that could often make him an insecure jerk), and mary jane isn’t responsible for anyone’s actions besides her own. but i do think it’s notable that she was dismissive of harry’s feelings and the fact she was hurting him, even though it’s repeatedly made clear in other issues mj does love harry as a friend; interestingly, she also had similar, though less extreme, behavior with flash when she and peter were dating.
(mj in tasm #97 / mj in tasm #162)
the difference here is that we get more insight into mj’s feelings and mindset, as her character has become more developed. when peter confronts flash about flirting with his girlfriend, he learns mary jane had been hiding the fact she and peter were seeing one another from flash. both of them are upset (peter acts just as petty and jealous as harry did), and mj describes just seeing peter again as “something that took more courage than i thought i had”. but she shows up anyways, and she and peter actually communicate with one another.
(tasm #165)
mj flirting with flash is just a reaction to all the messy and contradictory feelings being that come with being in a relationship, and the specific issues that are present in a relationship with peter. but the fact that she can explain all of this peter shows she’s still pretty in touch with her emotions, and it seems like a part of her suspected all along something like this would happen, as she tells betty in tasm #130 that she doesn’t want to fall in love with peter because she likes him too much. she’d rather keep things simple, even if it damages the relationship.
(also, just to be clear-- mj wants a real relationship. in web of spider-man #6, when she and peter are split up, she bemoans her single life and thinks longingly of what it would be like to be married and start a family. of what it’d be like to be with peter. but she cuts herself from this dreaming, because she says it’s useless to think of something she’ll never be brave enough to pursue.)
another prime example of this ‘being alone is easier’ attitude is how she acts around her sister gayle - whether it be leaving her to do the chores while she danced and played when they were growing up, or refusing to live with gayle after their mom died and running off to aunt anna’s. by the time we get to mj’s backstory, we as readers have started to get inside her head and listen to her inner monologues, so we know at this point that mary jane cares deeply about her loved ones and is acting out of fear and self-preservation because of the trauma she’s been through. but mj is also careful to show none of that to her sister, instead just putting up a “party girl” wall.
(spider-man: parallel lives)
mary jane is, once again, the only one noticing her brother-in-law feels trapped by the news of expecting a child, and it reminds her all the abandonment and forgotten dreams that have caused her family so much pain. in this case, empathizing with timmy - seeing his pain - caused mary jane to rudely brush off her pregnant sister, because she couldn’t handle being vulnerable about her feelings or getting involved in another tense family fight. it’s easier just to keep them at arm’s length.
(spider-man: parallel lives)
yes, mj can read people... but that doesn’t automatically mean she’s going to know how or even want to reach out to them. that’s the emotionally heavy stuff we know terrifies her. she’s just as likely to self-sabotage as she is to reach out to someone if she knows they’re dealing with something serious.
why do i bring this up? because it makes mj a richer, more human character, and it also makes her acts of kindness even more meaningful. it is very hard for mj to let herself become emotionally involved. even when she can read someone is hurting in a situation, she doesn’t automatically become considerate or comforting, even with people she loves.
that’s why her choice in tasm #122 is so outstanding--it’s not what mj wants to do, but she makes the choice to commit to peter and stay there for the hard parts. she chooses to be peter’s friend, she chooses to rekindle their relationship and marry him, she choose to stay with him even when their marriage is harder than she ever imagined. she’s a fierce friend to harry, even after everything that’s happened between them. she welcomes him back to school, she doesn’t give up on him when he’s the goblin, she notices he’s living out of his store when norman cuts him off and makes sure he has a place to go. she becomes so close with may that, after peter’s presumed dead, may calls mj peter’s great gift to her, and the reason she has to keep on living. she helps keep gwen’s memory alive. she chooses the people she loves. the fact that she fails, that she’s scared, doesn’t make her stop trying. she does it over and over again, and that’s what so heroic about her.
(tasm #275)
126 notes
·
View notes
Note
Could I get "39. holding hands in a museum to pull them to the next exhibition", Chasemarsh, Bless this Mess AU?
As you wish :) Same AU as Bless this Mess, but early days. (For those who haven't read Bless this Mess, it's an AU where Victoria and Kate didn't meet until they were adults and therefore Victoria had never bullied Kate) The museum in this ficlet is fictional but based on my own favorite museum, the Eric Carle Museum of Picture Book Art.
---
“This… is a museum?” The building before her has nothing of the grandeur that Victoria has come to expect from museums. It is neither cold nor imposing, just a modest one-story building with some whimsical decorative frills around the entrance. Bright colors show through the large windows. There are bronze statues scattered around the grounds, but they’re all of creatures that look like they’d be more at home in a fairytale than at a museum. Children run around the grounds, screaming and frolicking.
“Of course it is, silly!” Kate stands next to the entrance sign and Vanna Whites a hand across the bold letters. “The Leo and Diane Dillon Museum of Children’s Book Art. See? It says ‘museum’ right there.”
Part of Victoria wants to roll her eyes, curl her upper lip, and unleash a comment so scathing Kate will feel flayed to the bone for having the temerity to call this obvious travesty a ‘museum’. Fortunately, this is the part of Victoria that - with the help of her therapist and years of hard emotional labor - she’s gotten better at catching and overcoming before it can claw its vicious way to the surface. She searches for something nice or at least neutral to say instead. She likes Kate. If she didn’t like her, she would be home marathoning something on crunchyroll in her pajamas instead of getting dressed up on a Saturday morning to go out on this date with her. She doesn’t want to scare Kate off by being needlessly rude. “It’s… not quite what I’d pictured when you invited me to go to a museum with you.”
Kate’s smile doesn’t falter as Victoria had feared. Instead, it softens into a grin that does frankly criminal things to the state of Victoria’s heart. “I know what you mean,” she says so fondly that Victoria is both certain and relieved that Kate has taken her comment as a compliment instead of a barely masked insult. “The first time I came here, I couldn’t believe my eyes.” Her eyes - such warm, lovely eyes; Victoria can’t imagine a work of art that holds a candle to those eyes in any museum - sparkle. “It’s been my favorite museum since I first set foot inside. I come here at least once a month.” She sighs rapturously and Victoria’s heart gives an embarrassing squeeze. “We’re so lucky to have such a special place so close by.”
Victoria makes a noncommittal sound, not wanting to quash Kate’s enthusiasm. Kate smiles at her and beckons playfully for Victoria to follow her as she leads the way inside. They’ve only gone on a handful of dates so far, but already Victoria suspects she’d follow Kate just about anywhere.
The museum truly is unlike any that Victoria’s ever been in before. There are so many children, for one thing. The security guards just smile at them benignly, for another. The last time Victoria was in a museum, she watched someone get chewed out by a security guard for having the audacity to take notes with a pen instead of a pencil. Had a parent been foolish enough to bring a small child inside, they would’ve been stalked by security and stared at so ominously they would soon think better of their faux pas, and perhaps reconsider their decision to reproduce altogether.
But here… Here, the children are not only encouraged to run free, they’re allowed to touch things with their grubby little child hands. Encouraged to, even; there are kiosks set up all over the room they’re in with interactive exhibits, as well as cozy reading areas all around full of children’s books, where parents and children can sit together and paw through museum property with their bare and presumably unwashed hands.
“Isn’t this place amazing?” Kate asks, her voice as warm and gooey as melted chocolate. “You can practically press your nose up against the art and not get in trouble for it. I love it. I can really get in there and see how the artists used all their different materials. It’s so inspiring!”
“I’ve never seen a place like it,” Victoria replies neutrally. Honestly, the idea of children near artwork makes her break out in nervous sweats. She tries to imagine how her parents would react to children running loose at the Chase Space. They’d probably have a coronary each. She herself wasn’t allowed to set foot in the gallery until she was solidly in double digits, and even then she’d always been treated like a disaster waiting to happen, a ticking time bomb in Mary Janes.
Kate nods in satisfaction. “It’s really special.” She gestures at the room they’re in. “This gallery always has a show of Leo and Diane Dillon’s works, plus the interactive exhibits. The specific stuff changes periodically. The gallery across the hall has shows of different works by children’s book illustrators.” She smiles bashfully, a delicious pink tinge warming her cheekbones. “It’s one of my biggest dreams to be included in one of those shows.”
Victoria stops short and blinks rapidly, trying to process. “Here?” she asks, dumbfounded. Here, where children run amok? Where your artwork will never be hung alongside that of a truly great artist?? She remembers Kate mentioning minoring in illustration in undergrad, but somehow that had never really clicked in Victoria’s brain as something important. It’s not like she’d studied photography or even painting, something Victoria would be able to sustain a deep conversation about.
“Of course here!” Kate giggles. “I illustrate children’s books. Well,” she avers with a shy shrug, “a little bit, anyway. It’s only a side hustle right now, but someday I’d like it to be a bigger part of my career.” She looks around the room and sighs dreamily. “It would be such an honor to show here.”
“Here,” Victoria repeats, her brain still struggling to compute. She’s fully being rude now; she can hear it in her voice, a shift from merely confused to straight up condescending.
But Kate just giggles again and rolls her eyes, not looking remotely fazed by Victoria's attitude. “Not every artist needs to show at the Guggenheim, Tori. Some artists dream of being showcased in the Whitney Biennial, and some dream of showing in, well, the Leo and Diane Dillon Museum of Children’s Book Art.”
The nickname throws Victoria even more than Kate’s good natured response to her blatant rudeness does. It distracts her so much she almost doesn’t notice when Kate’s fingers suddenly thread into her own. “Come on,” Kate goes on, “I’m really excited about this month’s exhibit. Have you ever heard of Mary Blair?”
There’s a firm but gentle tug at Victoria’s hand leading her toward the doors separating exhibition rooms and Victoria’s awareness sparks to life. Kate’s holding her hand. Her heart dances a little two-step as she fumbles for words. “N-no, I haven’t.” Heat flushes her cheeks and she clears her throat self-consciously. “My art history degree didn’t cover children’s book art.”
Kate nods thoughtfully as she pushes the doors open and returns the security guard’s smile and wave. “She was actually more involved with animation and concept art, especially for Disney. Murals, too. But it’s true; art history classes tend to leave illustration out as a whole. It’s such a shame, really. There’s some fascinating history there.”
Victoria’s never given a shit about illustration - for children’s books or otherwise - before, but she’s pretty sure Kate could deliver a four hour lecture on the subject and she’d have Victoria’s undivided attention for every minute. “Photography gets the shaft, too, especially in survey courses,” she says. “Anything other than art history courses specifically oriented toward photography, really. It’s like if you’re not a white cishet male painter, you don’t matter.” She shakes her head in aggravation. “As though the advent of photography didn’t change the entire course of art history, and painting in particular. Such bullshit.”
Kate gives Victoria’s hand a little squeeze, and Victoria is floored once more by the realization that Kate is holding her hand. Still. She’s not even leading Victoria anywhere anymore; they’re just standing there, holding hands. It’s astonishing. “We should write a book,” Kate suggests. “Shed some light on the more underappreciated aspects of art history.” Her tone is light and teasing but Victoria finds herself considering it seriously.
“I could probably sell that pitch,” Victoria muses. “I have some contacts in publishing. You could cover illustration, I could cover photography, we could tap my friend Taylor to cover--” She’s snapped out of her brainstorming by the sensation of Kate’s thumb rubbing softly over her knuckles. “Uh, but we can work out those details later. If you want to. In the meantime, why don’t you tell me about…” She gestures with her free hand. “...whatever’s going on here?”
Kate grins and gives her a warm nod, not letting go of her hand as she leads her to the nearest artwork. “Don’t be scared to get up good and close,” Kate instructs her, tugging her closer. “We’re not at the Met, don’t forget.”
Victoria scoffs. “As if I could forget that.” She lets Kate pull her closer til she’s scant inches from the art and her shoulder is pressed firmly against Kate’s. “Close to the art… or to you?” she asks softly. She doesn’t know how to look at art this closely; it all blurs to abstraction as she waits for an answer.
“Both,” Kate replies seconds before a tender kiss presses bold and warm against Victoria’s cheek.
#ghost writes#prompt fic#prompt fill#life is strange#fanfic#prompt ghost#chasemarsh#victoria chase#kate marsh
28 notes
·
View notes
Note
Today I feel like reading something sad. Could you please write some little angst headcanons about the creeps? Thank you bby!
-dancing parrot🐦🎶
i decided to go with nightmares as my subject of choice, I didn’t do all of the creeps but I did do the major ones, I hope you like it & it’s angsty enough for you <3
also a brief warning that it get a little bit intense? maybe? not too sure about it, but better to be prepared than not!
🍬 LJ’s most common nightmare is being trapped in his box and never being allowed to leave. In his dreams, Isaac is there, taunting him about what a horrible friend he is and how he deserves this fate of being locked away forever in a box. The box continues to shrink, smaller and smaller, until LJ can barely breathe at all and he feels like he’s being suffocated.
🤍 EJ frequently has nightmares that feature his lack of control over his monstrous tendencies. In his dreams, he is forced to watch as a version of himself tears into an innocent person, usually a fellow member of the mansion whom he has a good relationship with, despite their cries and pleas for him to stop. It’s graphic and terrible and EJ wakes up sobbing (although he can’t cry real tears, the feelings behind the sob are still there, it’s a sob without tears) every time it happens. It’s even worse because EJ fears that one day this nightmare could become reality, if he loses control of himself and hurts/kills somebody he cares about.
🎮 BEN often has nightmares about drowning again. It’s a simple nightmare, but it frightens him every time. Most of the time, he drowns as other members of the mansion watch and laugh and tell him that he deserves this. Because BEN already experienced drowning before, the dream is “enhanced” by his traumatic memories of the event from his actual life. This means that in his dreams, he feels the way he felt during his actual drowning.
🔪 Jeff gets nightmares a lot, but the nightmare he gets most often is pretty tame. He’s running from something, but he can’t quite outrun it. It’s catching up to him, and he knows that if it catches him, he’s done for. Now, this nightmare is certainly not a fun one to have, but Jeff much prefers having this nightmare over the ones that actually scare him. The two actually scary nightmares he has are when he watches a version of himself actually kill Liu (quite brutally) or a dream in which Liu kills him, whilst claiming that he deserves this fate and so much more.
🖤 Jane’s worst nightmare involves her running into her childhood home, hugging her parents tightly as she cries tears of relief that they’re okay, only to look up and notice their bloody, mangled, oozing faces. In her dream, she’ll gasp and try to run away, but the zombiefied version of her parents will corner her, blame her for their deaths, and then rip her to pieces. It both breaks her heart and scares her out of her mind every time she has this dream.
⏰ Clockwork rarely dreams at all, and when she does, they’re nightmares. Her nightmares are really fragmented pieces of memory, her trauma from when she was a child. She relieves the horrific abuse she endured as a child. The only saving grace for her is, most of the time, she doesn’t remember her dreams when she wakes up.
🎭 Tim’s nightmares mostly consist of being betrayed by Hoodie. Hoodie usually shoots him and watches him bleed to death. While he lays there dying, various people come up to him, kick him and tell him that he’s worthless/stupid/ugly/etc. These people are sometimes strangers, sometimes members of the mansion, and sometimes people from his past.
❓Brian hardly ever has dreams or nightmares, but he does have one that he’ll get from time to time. In his dream, he is killed for refusing to become a proxy. Although, in his dream, Masky agrees to become a proxy and as his first assignment, he kills Hoodie. This dream hits home because, what if he had refused Slender’s offer to become a proxy? He would have had to be killed, of course. But would Masky have accepted if Brian did not? And would Slender have made Masky killl his own buddy? Would he have done it? These are questions that Hoodie doesn’t want the answer to.
🪓 Toby has a recurring nightmare of the car crash that killed Lyra. He hates that one, and it’s the one he gets most often. His second most commonly occurring nightmare is when where he’s at school, being bullied. The bullying continuously gets worse and worse, with more and more people joining in, especially people who he cares about. The shame and humiliation get more intense, and the insults from the bullying crowd get more hurtful until Toby is begging from them to stop. But they don’t stop until Toby wakes up, heart pounding and tears forming in his eyes.
#🐦🎶#dancing parrot anon#dancing parrot#dancing parrot 🐦🎶#🍬Laughing Jack/LJ🍬#laughing jack#🤍Eyeless Jack/EJ🤍#eyeless jack#🎮BEN Drowned🎮#BEN DROWNED#🔪Jeff the Killer/Jeff Woods🔪#jeff the killer#jeff woods#🖤Jane Arkensaw/Jane the Killer🖤#jane arkensaw#jane the killer#⏰Clockwork/Natalie Ouellette⏰#clockwork#❓Hoodie/Brian Thomas❓#hoodie#brian thomas#🎭Masky/Tim Wright🎭#tim wright#masky#🪓Toby Rogers🪓#ticci toby#toby rogers#creepypasta#spookybreadstick
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
Morphic: the Musical
The Thousand Roads forums have a fanfic music thread. While I don't really do those kinds of threads usually because I don't really listen to a very wide variety of music and generally have a hard time associating music that already exists with unrelated fiction, one of the questions in it is this:
Talk about what would happen if some Broadway hit-maker scooped up your fic and turned it into a script. What songs would be in it? Describe a dance number/dance battle?
And immediately, the musical analysis glint lit up in my eyes. This question was presumably intended in a lighthearted jokey sort of way - imagining some fight staged as a dance battle, a hypothetical Broadway hit-maker doing the adaptation. But that's not enough for me, say I! Musicals are a good and interesting medium for serious fiction that I care about and I am going to serious this up.
See, to me, the musical format has two major strengths as a narrative medium. The first is that it can explore the inner worlds of characters in a pretty unique way. Characters get to monologue in a sort of heightened, non-literal manner, intensified by music: we can learn what they're about, what makes them tick, what's going on in their heads in a particular moment, in a way that wouldn't really make sense presented as actual inner monologue in another medium. The music aspect itself then adds a layer to it that's impossible to replicate in any other.
The second strength of the musical format is that it's really good at highlighting recurring themes, parallels and contrasts. Reprise the same melody, the same lyric, a parallel but opposite lyric, and you've instantly connected two things together. Is there a character arc? You can highlight what has changed. Are there two characters going through something similar? You can draw that out. Is there a recurring theme throughout? Use a recurring lyric, a recurring melodic phrase! Nudge the viewer into forming connections! Delicious! And you can do subtler things on the music level itself - particular instruments with particular connotations, recurring motifs...
So naturally I decided I should think up what a musical adaptation of Morphic would be like. It'd be a fun exercise in putting all my thoughts on musical adaptations into practice, but also an interesting way to help sort out some of my thoughts about characters arcs, etc. for the actual Morphic rewrite. And in the process, I may have gone slightly overboard. I regret nothing.
(I'm about to spoil most of the fic here, if this wasn't obvious)
Morphic: the Musical - tracklist
(Note: this musical is not sung-through; there are regular non-musical sections with regular dialogue in between. Morphic would almost definitely not make for a good sung-through musical.)
Act I
[Intro song] (Brian)
A monologue by Brian at the TV studio as he tries to work through what to say, how to explain or justify any of this (which conveniently serves to exposit to the audience as well as introduce his character). He makes nervous false starts and cuts himself off, starting the verse over each time, and through these false starts we learn what's going on, that the press has been calling them Pokémorphs, that this was all Dave's idea, that alcohol was involved, that it was meant as a basis for further research, that there were never supposed to be *children*, that he doesn't know what he'd even do with a kid, that Dave roped him into going on this show because he couldn't.
[Dave song] (Dave)
This musical properly introduces us to Dave via Jane walking out on him followed by this song, wherein he contemplates chucking baby Jean out the window. It's a dark rock song with big emotional contrasts and raw lyrics that is almost definitely my favorite song in this musical in the hypothetical reality where it is an actual musical and I didn't write it, because I am me. Probably starts with a couple slower lines of desperate disbelief before launching into wild anger about fuck that fucking whore, followed by what I will be referring to as the everything-is-shit verse (please bear with me), just a general cynicism rant about why the world is a shitty place not worth living in, followed by him wildly fantasizing about killing his infant child. What a delightful human being that I adore. The song ends abruptly, he's standing there staring at her in his arms for a moment, then he silently goes to feed her. On the soundtrack you probably might think he just did it.
Fatherhood (Brian)
A montage song covering the timeskip, which probably reprises [Intro song]. Brian initially has no idea what to do with his new squirming horrorblob child and is convinced he will screw it up the way he tends to screw up everything. Makes a couple of false starts again, but then gains confidence as time passes as he genuinely bonds with Gabriel and legitimately thinks he's a pretty amazing kid. There's a repeated line along the lines of that Gabriel's a weird, weird kid, but he's his, initially in a tone of "oh god I'm responsible for him what do" but towards the end is said with pride and fondness.
[Villain song] (Isaac and Jacob)
A duet between the two brothers, exploring what makes them tick. Isaac is all about this heavy pressure and sense of responsibility, originally imposed by his father, that he continues to impose on himself. He's been appointed to take over leading the family/cult and was raised with that constantly in the back of his mind as his future, and he believes that they're God's true righteous people and he cannot go wrong. He has dreams with some regularity that he interprets as visions from God, as he has been encouraged to since childhood by his father. When he has one about murder, it frightens him but he sees it as basically a divinely-appointed mission.
Jacob privately doesn't really believe any of that. He is trapped in this cult and goes through the motions but is not actually driven by any of the things that are driving Isaac. He's fairly quiet for most of the song - as Isaac is going on about his vision, Jacob has a line here and there obliquely challenging it, but Isaac has an answer for everything, and he doesn't press it, instead moving seamlessly on to suggestions for how he should do it. Jacob gets a quiet variant of part of the everything-is-shit verse from [Dave song], expressing the same kind of cynicism in a more reproachful, apathetic way - all in his own head, of course.
Just Like My Hero (Jean and Will)
Jean sings about how she is just like her hero, Sarah Hooter! Starts off describing how they look the same, moves on from there to how she will torch anyone who's mean, etc., just like her hero. Halfway through, Will joins in, and it becomes a counterpoint duet: Jean may be immature and ridiculous, but he deeply wishes he was confident and adored and nothing would get to him, and he admires and envies that about her. His just like my hero has a bit more of an ironic vibe, he'd hardly properly call her his hero, but he looks up to her more than he'd normally admit nonetheless.
Storming the Castle (Jack and Gabriel)
Jack and Gabriel are playing a D&D game with their friends, arguing about the best course of action. Jack is eager to waltz into the bad guys' fortress, storm the castle, while Gabriel urges lying low, says they're too weak. Jack wants to take the leap and try it; Gabriel insists no, we're not taking the leap, it's stupid. "It's brave!" Jack counters. (In the end, Gabriel gives in and they go ahead with it, and it goes fine.)
Unique (Mia and Lucy)
Mia and Lucy play one of their games. The song is about how Lucy needs someone like Mia to challenge her and let her actually indulge her powers, which are otherwise unsettling to people and she's ashamed and self-conscious about them, while Mia needs someone like Lucy to get a real outlet for her hunter's instinct. The word the lyrics are built around is unique; by being the precise way they are, they are each the only person who can provide this for the other.
Mia doesn't sing. She speaks her lyrics in her usual monotone, not even rhythmically. They also don't rhyme. It's technically a duet but really it's just Lucy singing and Mia talking.
[Peter/Katherine song] (Peter and Katherine)
A counterpoint duet between the siblings, contrasting their experience as Pokémorphs. Peter can pretty easily hide that he's different and be treated mostly as a normal kid, and feels free in his privilege, not confined quite the way the others are, able to be a bit reckless and incautious. Katherine, meanwhile, has a very different experience, being extremely noticeably different, getting stared at, and struggling with basic activities, and feels a huge sense of responsibility weighing her down, worrying about Peter and grounding him and reining him in. There's a lyrical contrast involving something something bird freedom plant rooted down something.
Brian's Death (Isaac and Dave)
This is one of those mostly-instrumental pieces that they include on the soundtrack anyway, but Isaac gets a couple of sung nondiegetic lines in here, a sort of frantic excitement, realizing in a brief panic that he shot the wrong guy before rationalizing that God must have planned it this way.
Dave is probably also in there screaming and attempting to call the police, because I am always in favor of screaming and panicking on musical soundtracks.
The Funeral (Gabriel and Jack)
Begins with Gabriel at the church during the funeral, singing about his vague discomfort being there, but slowly becomes increasingly frantic and anxious, working up to a breakdown where he exits and finally manages to cry for his dad. There's a verse about little things, how they ordered pizza the night before he died, etc., culminating in the bit about him having been in the middle of this mystery novel and never getting to learn who did it; the verse trails off quietly there, backing instruments gone, as Gabriel breaks down. Jack follows to comfort him.
Act II
[Montage song] (everyone)
A montage of the days after the attack, where everyone gets a couple lines about how they're coping, scared and grieving.
Dave's lines are like, spoken slightly too desperate annoyance at having to do some work that Brian didn't get to finish, or rebuking somebody who asks how he's doing by saying he barely even knew Brian. He is not singing along with this kind of grief-porn bullshit, fuck you.
[Villain song II] (Isaac and Jacob)
The brothers come up with a new plan. Isaac is agitated, reprising some of his bits from the original villain song in a quicker, more frantic tempo, while Jacob picks up the slack, walking him through a new idea. Isaac takes to it with conviction and goes back to the original melody/tempo, talking again about his God-given purpose. Jacob does not join in with any of that, only with the bits about the actual plan.
The Kidnapping (instrumental)
I'm just going to say this is on the soundtrack too and contains panicked Gabriel noises because I want it to be.
Storming the Castle Reprise (Jack)
Jack tries to rally the others for a rescue mission, echoing the D&D game from Act I. The lines about storming the castle and taking the leap make a reappearance.
Just Like My Hero Reprise (Jean)
Jean, on the bus, miserably contemplates how she is unlike her hero. Again, it begins with a verse talking about how she looks - not a thing like Sarah Hooter anymore - but then moves on to how she's scared and pathetic and running away, unlike anything a hero would do.
Church Sequence (Will, Jack, Mia)
A single track, largely instrumental/dialogue/sound effects, with a couple of brief song snippets:
- Will reprises "Just Like My Hero" as he wills himself to go on. He is cut off mid-line as he is shot.
- Mia slits that guy's throat and she actually sings a few words, for the first and only time, before she is also cut off mid-line by a gunshot. The line is something about, like, warm blood in her face or the guy's satisfying death throes, reprising part of the melody of "Unique".
Strong (Gabriel)
Gabriel discovers his powers. Starts slowly, calling back to the bits from "Storming the Castle" about lying low, being weak. But as the song continues and he makes his discovery, the tempo builds, and he starts reprising Jack's bits instead: he is strong, taking the leap, storming the castle.
Perish Song (Lucy)
Another brief reprise of "Unique", distorted and deafening and terrifying, mourning her sister.
[In the Hospital] (Jack and Gabriel)
The two of them work out their feelings about what happened. Includes Jack going "It was stupid" (i.e. the rescue mission) and Gabriel responding "It was brave", echoing the bit where they said the opposite in "Storming the Castle". Jack blames himself for how it all turned out, feels stupid and weak, while Gabriel actually felt kind of awesome. (This is also calling back to their opposite bits of "Storming the Castle".) They end with a shared duet verse as they realize they've both got that same innate desire to fight and win. Possibly calls back to the weird, weird kid line from "Fatherhood".
Eulogy (Dave)
Dave's eulogy for Mia (which also touches on Will, but this is Mia's funeral). It reprises "Unique". There will never again be anyone like the two of them, two of the only truly unique people on this Earth. (And, while he doesn't say it straight out because hahahaha, he needed Mia, too).
Taking the Leap (Jack and Gabriel)
Jack's suicide attempt and his swirling inner turmoil as he tries to talk himself into taking the leap once again. Gabriel, of course, comes in with don't take that leap. Am I overusing this one line by putting it in like half the songs in this thing? Well, who's going to stop me.
[Peter/Katherine song reprise] (Peter and Katherine)
The two of them contemplate indefinite house arrest (in contrast to the freedom Peter's enjoyed most of his life) and Katherine's failure to stop all this (despite her sense of responsibility). In the end, they both find their own ways to accept the new state of things and support each other through this.
Finale (Dave and Jean)
After Dave breaks down on his couch and Jean comes in to ask what's wrong, Dave sings a reprise of the everything-is-shit verse, going over the many things he's angry about, because that is the only emotion involved here clearly. At the exact point where Dave's song originally went from there to fantasizing about throwing her off the balcony, Jean throws her arms around him and sniffles "It'll be okay, Dad," and after a stunned "What? Jean, I'm--", he continues with a slow, hesitant *inverted* reprise of the everything-is-shit verse, "Everything'll be fine", constructing a little fantasy reality for her (and himself) where everything turns out all right in the end. It's backed by, like, a simple, quiet, slower piano rendition of the original melody, and trails off at the end, never quite coming to a satisfying conclusion before he tells Jean she should go back to bed.
#morphic#musicals#I spent far too much time thinking about this#except it was also exactly the right amount of time
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
She Loves Me
Chapter 1
A/N: Hi guys. It’s been a minute. Here is the long awaited (by no one) She Loves Me AU. I’m putting chapter 1 out here in the hopes that people waiting for updates will spark some creativity in me again. I’m sorry it’s short. If you enjoy, let me know
Word Count: 1703
Warnings: not proof read.
The sun was blazing down on you as you scurried down the busy New York sidewalk. The summer had decided to be blazing hot this wonderful morning, and you had decided to be extraordinarily late for work. Well, perhaps ‘decided’ isn’t the right word— you’d overslept on account of staying up extra late to finish a letter to your Special Friend.
There was no shame in using a dating service, you knew that, yet for some reason the very thought of joining one was something that you had scoffed at for so many years. “I want to meet someone organically,” you’d complain to your friends, “those services are full of strangers who have the weirdest quirks.” To be fair, that had been true in your brief experience using a dating service in college. It was definitely an odd time, figuring out exactly what ‘watersports’ meant. Needless to say, it had taken one single date for you to decide to withdraw your application and swear off dating services.
But you were getting older. And men seemed to just get more and more picky, the older they got. So, when you stumbled across an advertisement in your Sunday newspaper for a matchmaking service called ‘Special Friends’, you jumped at the opportunity. The directions were simple; you filled out the survey in the paper, mailed it to the listed address, and then your answers were compared with other submissions to find the best match for you. Once you received your match, you were to write a letter to them introducing yourself and signing off under the title of ‘Special Friend’. The two of you were given a specific P.O. box to drop your letters off to, provided by the matchmaking service. The only real rules were that the letter had to be handwritten, and you were only allowed to give real names if both parties agreed on it.
Your Special Friend was a true kindred spirit. It had been six months of trading letters back and forth, and the two of you spoke about everything, from your childhoods to your favorite books, from dream destinations to worst fears. About three months into this correspondence, you knew that, whoever this Special Friend was, you loved them. You stayed up until all hours of the night writing draft after draft until you formed the perfect letter. Because of this, you were often late for work in the morning.
Late. That’s right. You were very late. You willed your feet to move you as fast as they possibly could, cursing yourself for choosing this morning to wear heels. Finally, you managed to burst through the door just minutes before opening, scurrying to the back to drop off your bag. You made a mental note to yourself to start carrying flats in your purse, in case of emergency.
You’d just finished touching up your makeup in the small staff room mirror, when you felt someone sidle up beside you. You didn’t have to turn your head to know who it was. The smug energy emanating from his every pore was enough to confirm your suspicions of who was next to you. Santiago Garcia. Your worst nightmare in human form.
“Can I help you with something, Mr. Garcia?” You didn’t even spare him a glance as you finger-combed your hair, which was now windswept from your impromptu jog.
“Not at all, Miss Y/L/N,” Santiago flashed you a smile that, in any other circumstance, would have been charming. You, however, knew that pure contempt lurked behind those pearly white teeth. “I was just marveling at the rare sight of you, here, on time!”
“And why would that be something to marvel at, Mr. Garcia?” you scowled.
“Well, simply because it’s never happened before!” Santiago leaned against the wall, charming smile morphing into the smirk that often adorned his chiseled face. “You know, Miss Y/L/N, you may want to stop frowning so adamantly. At your age, those frown lines tend to stick around.”
“At my age?!” you nearly shrieked at him. “Mr. Garcia, need I remind you that you are older than I am!”
His smirk only widened. “Yes, but you seem to forget that one of us is ageing with grace, Miss Y/L/N.”
Your scowl deepened, and you shoved past him, making your way to the front of the store. You never did understand why Santiago didn’t like you. From the first moment you stepped into the department store, it seemed like he was trying to usher you out. Sure, when he thought you were a customer, he was the most charming man you’d ever spoken to. But once he had realized that you were trying to apply for the new salesperson position, he wanted nothing to do with you. He had insisted that there were no positions available, but Frankie Morales, his friend and co-worker, was quick to usher you to the owner’s office. Mr. Bailey had been a hard man to charm, but when you made your first sale to a woman who was insistent that she was just browsing, he hired you on the spot. After all, you’d gotten her to buy not one, not two, but five jars of various creams and lotions. None of Mr. Bailey’s workers had ever managed to sell that much in one go, not even his prized Mr. Garcia.
Making your way to the front of the store, you said hello and gave a kiss on the cheek to Frankie and each of the Miller brothers, Will and Benny. All three of the boys were quick to welcome you, despite Santi being the unspoken leader of the pack. They quickly became your protective band of brothers, something you’d long wished for as a young child.
“Good morning Frankie! How’s Elisa doing this morning?” You asked Frankie, your tone surprisingly chipper after dealing with Santi in the staff room.
“Round as ever!” Frankie exclaimed, a wide grin on his face. “The doctors estimate that the baby will be here in about a month, and Mr. Bailey’s been so kind as to let me have a month off after the baby arrives. I know it’s going to take a toll on Elisa, and I want to be there for her as much as I can.”
Sometimes, Frankie just melted your heart. It was so plain to see how much he loved his wife and their incoming baby. Their little family was everything you wanted. You only hoped that one day someone would love you just as much as Frankie and Elisa loved each other.
It was beginning to seem as though your Special Friend was never going to reveal himself to you. You had offered to meet for dinner on a few occasions, and each time he insisted that he had prior appointments. You didn’t want to assume anything, of course, but you were getting worried. Surely he wouldn’t lie to you about having a prior engagement, would he? But then, if he was so eager to meet you, as he claimed to be, then why did he never offer an alternative date?
On your way home from work, you stopped at the P.O. box. Your Special Friend had forgotten— or, well, neglected, you supposed— to write you the past two days, but you were adamant about writing at least every other day. You knew how much the letters meant to you, and if they brought him even half as much joy, you wanted to be sure he got it. Perhaps, if you hadn’t been so caught up in your own head, you would have looked up and seen the figure walking away from the wall of P.O. boxes.
To your surprise and delight, there was a letter waiting for you in the box when you finally opened it. If you hadn’t been so excited to read it, perhaps you’d have noticed the flash of a coat turning the corner as they walked away from the wall of boxes.
You hurried to open the letter.
Dear Friend,
I am so sorry to have not been able to write these past few days. Work has been an absolute train wreck, what with the most irritating co-worker constantly fumbling about. Somehow, the boss claims it’s my fault. Could you believe it? My fault that my imbecile of a co-worker is incapable of doing the simplest task that doesn’t involve talking a mile per minute?
But enough about that mess. I am supposed to be apologizing to you, my dear, sweet friend.
I know that you have been wanting to meet me. I am so sorry that I haven’t been able to make any of our appointments. As I’ve told you before, I was once in the army. An experience in war is one that I don’t wish on anyone. It takes a toll on you, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Because of my experience, I’ve decided to counsel other veterans and help them through their traumatic memories. On the nights you had wished to meet me, I’d had previously arranged counseling sessions, as well as one doctors appointment, a check up to see how I am recovering after all of my surgeries that I’ve told you about.
All of this to say, dear friend, that I’ve cleared my schedule for the night of the 27th. If you are available, I would love to meet you at the Ambrosia Garden down on the corner of 12th Avenue. I’ve made a reservation for two under the name Elizabeth Bennett, after you expressed how much you loved Jane Austen’s ‘Pride & Prejudice’. If you show, I will be wearing a purple rose on my lapel. I will look for you, where you will be holding a copy of ‘Pride & Prejudice’, with a purple rose tucked between the pages.
I sincerely hope to see you on the 27the, dear friend. I’ve been longing to meet you since we first exchanged letters, so many months ago.
Sincerely,
Your Special Friend
You had to meet him. You would get to the Ambrosia Garden on the 27th, no matter the cost. You’d find out who your Special Friend was if it was the last thing you did.
#santi garcia x reader#santiago garcia x y/n#santiago garcia x you#santiago garcia fanfiction#santiago garcia#santiago x reader#santiago garcia x reader#she loves me au
49 notes
·
View notes
Note
Is there an official cutoff for immortal children? Jane and Alec are tweens, but would Aro punish someone else for turning a tween? Does the child involved have to prove that they can follow orders? Do you think that the Volturi have researched immortal children?
There doesn’t seem to be an official cut off, but I’d suspect if any other coven had vampires as young as Jane and Alec, the Volturi would probably see them as Immortal Children and against the law. I think the Volturi would defend themselves by saying that Jane and Alec follow the rules and are thus old enough, but I imagine that line is kind of nebulous and the Volturi use that to suit their ends. It seems like the original problem was people turning like, toddlers though because they wanted like a cute pretty ‘baby’ to keep forever, like the Denali sisters’ mother Sasha and the Immortal Child Vasili.
Benjamin and Maggie are the next youngest we know about, I think? And they’re 15. So teens seem fine. Which makes sense, I guess, for ancient vampires to see it that way since in a lot of older cultures before “teenagers” were a thing it was usually somewhere around 13-16 that a child was considered no longer really a child.
It seems like the Volturi have studied them, because Carlisle saw some in Volterra; he describes them to Bella in Breaking Dawn in some (heavy-handed) foreshadowing about how adorable and enchanting they were and how to love the was “an automatic thing” and whole covens would be destroyed trying to protect them and how he couldn’t understand how anyone would ever make a vampire so young.
And then like . . . Renesmee is so adorable and enchanting and loving her is automatic and whole covens were willing to die to protect her. . . but she can control herself because she was born in an adult mind and isn’t a tempestuous toddler so, phew!
Which makes me wonder . . . is Renesmee being so advanced and adult part of the fantasy [tired mom of three boys dreaming of a daughter who just understood things on an adult level and didn’t make messes or throw fits] or was it a plot-necessity like, “well okay she’s going to miss out on a real childhood and the Cullens won’t have a real baby, but she has to be more advanced than a real child because otherwise she’s still against the law until she reaches a certain age”? Or maybe both?
And I’m still confused about how the entire vampire world being horrified at the idea of turning a child into a vampire doesn’t translate to some sadness about Renesmee’s life. Like OF COURSE they would love her and be thrilled to have a “child” (or the closest approximation thereof) in their lives but there’s no discussion about like “what kind of life will she lead, being born into vampirism?” “How do we teach her to value humanity when she has never been human?” “It’s so sad this beautiful child has the same thirst for blood we do.” I mean Edward 700 pages of angst Cullen is just 100% completely over the moon with no worries? He’s not upset even a little his precious angel daughter inherited thirst for blood from him? Or ARE the Cullens kind of talking about some of this stuff but not around Bella so she doesn’t notice and relay it as the narrator? Bella’s only concern is that she’ll age quickly and die in 15 years, but QUALITY of life never seems to enter into the equation. Renesmee’s going to have to live the same shadowy, lonely, always moving, can’t make real human friends life the Cullens do and no one gives voice to that it.
I am once again asking for nuance.
113 notes
·
View notes
Text
Roundup: August 2021
This month: Jane Eyre, Wide Sargasso Sea, Don’t Call it a Cult, The Secret Garden, Showbiz Kids, Masters of the Universe: Revelation, Lucifer.
Reading
Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte) - I’ve been meaning to read the Wide Sargasso Sea for a long, long time, but first I thought I’d revisit the source material. I find my opinion hasn’t much changed - I still love the prose, still love Jane as a character, and still find Rochester extremely unappealing. The section with Jane at school is the most engaging for me, and her early time as a governess at Thornfield, but as soon as Rochester shows up I just find him so irritating I have no idea why Jane loves him so much (other than he was the first man to ever show her a scrap of attention). I mean, I know to an extent - I've read the Takes, and part of fiction is accepting what you want for the character as a reader and what they want for themselves can be two different things, and that's not the fault of the text.
I can be satisfied by the ending because Jane gets what she wants, I just can’t help but wonder about a Jane who was found by John Eyre before she went to Thornfield, or who took her inheritance and made her own way after Moor House.
Byronic heroes just aren't my thing I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Wide Sargasso Sea (Jean Rhys) - The first Mrs Rochester of Jane Eyre strikes an uneasy tone to a modern reader; she does not utter a word in the novel, is depicted as animalistic and almost demonic, her story only told in a self-serving manner by Rochester, and conveniently disposed of so Jane can return to claim him. Rhys reimagines Bertha as Antoinette, a “white Creole” of Jamaica in a postcolonial take on the racial/social prejudices and hierarchy only hinted at in Eyre, where Bertha being Creole primarily an aspect of her Otherness, and in which Rochester describes himself as being desired as a husband because he was "of good race" . In Sea, although Antoinette is white (passing, perhaps), he sees her "not English or European either" and this contributes to his rejection of her (and perhaps his willingness to believe she is mad).
The novel is surprisingly short - it skips over the meeting and courtship of Antoinette and Rochester (tellingly unnamed in the novel) entirely, jumping directly from her childhood/coming of age to the couple already married, and over much of Bertha's (renamed by Rochester) sad life in the attic.
Still, there's a density to the writing, much is implied beyond the sparse use of words and recurring imagery - subjugation, reflection, and of course, fire - when freed slaves (Rhys changes the timeframe to after the passing of the Emancipation Act of 1833) set fire to Antoinette's family plantation, a pet parrot whose wings have been clipped by her English step-father Mason, cannot flee and falls to a fiery doom, in a grim omen of Bertha's fate.
It did, however, leave me wanting more - I understand Rhys' stylistic choices and restraint, but in her effort to give voice to the voiceless, Antoinette/Bertha remains somewhat an enigma.
Don’t Call it a Cult: Keith Raniere and the women of NXIVM (Sarah Berman) - I continue to be disturbed but intrigued by the NXIVM case, not only because of my abhorrence of MLMs/pyramid schemes, but my bafflement as to how this thoroughly unremarkable man was able to hold sway over so many women. My mild criticism of the two documentaries on this subject was that they tended to jump around in time so you never really got a good idea of what happened when. This book provides a well researched, detailed summary of events and linear chronology of Raniere’s perverse pathology reaching all the way back to childhood, and so is both an excellent supplement to the already informed, and broad overview to those new to the case.
Berman is a Vancouver-based journalist who was present at Raniere’s trial and gives insight into witness testimony, supported by her own interviews and extensive research. There's less of a focus on the sensationalised celebrity members, with greater emphasis on the lesser known victims - including the three Mexican sisters who were all abused by Raniere, one of whom was kept confined to a room for years. It's difficult reading, consolation being the
knowledge that Raniere is rotting in prison and that his crimes finally caught up with him.
Watching
The Secret Garden (dir. Marc Munden) - Spoilers, if one needs a spoiler warning for a 110 year old novel. One of those stories that is adapted every generation, and generally I have no problem with this, since new adaptations can often bring something new or be a different take on old material (see Little Women 2019). But a part of me can’t help feel why bother with this when the perfect 1993 version exists.
There is an Attempt at something new with this film, moving the setting forward to 1947 (Mary’s parents having died during the Partition), and turning the garden from a small walled secret to a mystical, huge wonderland full of ferns and flowers and endless sun. But in doing so, the central metaphor is lost - rather than Mary discovering something abandoned and run wild, gently bringing it back to life with love and care, she merely discovers a magical place that requires no effort on her part. There’s also less of a character arc for Mary, remaining unpleasant far into the proceedings, forcing Colin to visit the garden instead of it being his true wish, and generally succeeding by imposing her will on everyone else. In many ways she’s more like Burnett's other child heroine Sarah Crewe - the film opens I’m with her telling stories to her doll including Ramayana, which is eerily reminiscent of Alfonso Cuaron's (also perfect) 1995 adaptation of A Little Princess.
But I suppose a sliver of credit where it's due - Julie Walters' Mrs Medlock is less of an antagonist, with Colin Firth's Lord Craven being Mary's primary obstacle. There's also a subplot with Mary's mother's depression following the death of her sister being the reason for her neglect (and Merlin alum Rupert Young shows up briefly as Mary's father) but like shifting the time period, there just doesn't seem to be a point to it.
The climax of the film involves the Manor burning down (writer Jack Thorne stealing from Rebecca too, lol), with Mary and Craven have a very calm conversation as fire and smoke surrounds them. It’s all very bizarre, but also…rather dull?
Don't bother with this, just watch the 1993 film again.
Showbiz Kids (dir. Alex Winter) - a really interesting documentary on the titular subject - Winter was himself a child actor on Broadway before his film career kicked off in The Lost Boys and Bill and Ted, and has been able to assemble a broad range of interview subjects - Mara Wilson, Evan Rachel Wood, Wil Wheaton, Jada Pinkett Smith among others - former child actors, those still in the business, and some up and comers like Disney star Cameron Boyce (who I was sad to see in the coda has passed away).
We also follow two young hopefuls - Marc, attending acting classes and auditioning in pilot season, yet to book a job but his parents are invested in "his" dream, and Demi, already established on Broadway but having to start to make choices between a career and a childhood. There's no voiceover, no expert opinions in this, letting the actors speak for themselves, but there is a telling juxtaposition of Marc returning home, jobless but having fun in the pool with his friends, while Demi has to cancel the summer camp she had been so looking forward to because she has booked a new role.
The film is fairly even handed, but ultimately I took away that there just seems to be more harm than not in this industry, and abuses of many kinds. It does make you wonder about the ethics of child acting, at least in the current system where the cautionary tales are plentiful.
Masters of the Universe: Revelation (episodes 1-5) - Mild spoilers I guess? I was never really into He-Man as a kid, other than the Secret of the Sword movie, so most of the in jokes and references in this went over my head. I have to admit, it was actually seeing all the outrage that made me want to check this out and see what all the complaining was about. I actually…really enjoyed it?!?
I’m sympathetic to the complaints of a bait and switch (creators really need to learn to say
“just wait and see”), but other than that in my view the rest seemed completely unfounded. Adam/He-Man being killed in the first episode and the impact that has on Eternia and those left behind is actually a really interesting premise. This isn’t a TLJ situation; in contrast everyone (except Evil-Lyn) is always going on about how much they miss Adam, and the whole point of the first arc is him coming back. There’s also a nice little detail of Adam in Preternia (heroes heaven) choosing to remain as he is rather than as He-Man where all his predecessors have chosen their “ultimate” forms. I love him and his Magical Girl transformation.
As for Teela - female characters can’t win, it seems. If they are perfect, they’re Mary Sues, if they have flaws, they’re unlikeable. Teela is Going Through things and is on a journey, but I often feel (and it seems the case here) that people confuse a character arc with author intent. No! Just because a character says/does something it doesn't mean you're supposed to agree with them! Some of Teela's actions may be petty and her demeanor less than sweet, but people make bad choices as a response to grief, and I actually thought her anger over Adam never telling her his secret and how that manifested was a pretty interesting take. I'll be interested to see the next half of the season, and ignore the ragebait youtube commentary.
One more thing - Evil-Lyn (perfectly voiced by Lena Headey) was an absolute delight.
Lucifer (season 5 part 2): They’ve basically given up on the procedural side of things by now and are leaning heavily into the mythology, which works for me since the case of the week is always the least interesting part of any show. It also struck me this season that there’s gender parity in the main cast (Lucifer, Amenadiel, Dan and then Chloe, Maze, Ella, Linda) - and actually, that’s more women than men. How often does that happen?!?
I can’t say I’m particularly engaged with the Lucifer/Chloe pairing, but am happy to go along with it since that’s where the whole plot revolves. The best scenes for me this season were with God’s Dysfunctional Family, even if the lead up to the finale felt rushed (I understand the need to wrap things up in case of cancellation but still). I would have liked to see more of the sibling dynamics between the angels and less romantic drama, but hey.
The character death got me, as well. I didn't see it coming and I didn't realise how much I had enjoyed that character until they were gone and well...it got me.
I see the last season is coming soon, I'm not exactly sure where they can go from here, but looking forward to it nonetheless.
Writing
I was actually quite sick this month with a throat infection, so wasn't in the best frame of mind to get anything finished like I had planned to. I'm going to hold off posting the word count this month and roll it over to September when hopefully I've actually posted things.
6 notes
·
View notes
Link
Transcript of Interview
Q: What do you see as the origins of violence against women? Is it cultural? Is it biological?
I believe that the origins of violence against women are completely in systems of gender inequity. In systems of basically male supremacy and although many proponents of male supremacy would have us believe that this is always existed on the planet, that it's biologically endemic, that it's inevitable, there's nothing we can do about it, etc., that's not true at all. Patriarchy is a relatively new institution, the last five thousand years or so. And you can find a lot of evidence for this in archaeology, in myth, in legend, things that are discredited by contemporary modes of knowledge which have to be understood as patriarchal in and of themselves.
The emphasis on rationality of this kind of direct evidence that myth is seen as just a fable, something that never existed. For examine, in the very area here, New Mexico, the creator of all is spider grandmother who thought, spun, dream wove the world into being. And there was a whole different system, that Allen writes about very eloquently in her book, The Sacred Hoop, which she calls a gynecentric system, in which the emphasis is not on competition, power over, domination, but rather on equality, harmony, balance, tolerance for a wide diversity of life styles, the centrality of powerful women, being absolutely necessary for society to function well, not any kind of belief in corporal punishment of children, extremely low incidence of rape, no idea of an institution of prostitution or pornography because sex as sacred and not associated with any kind of negativity. So, these systems did exist on the planet everywhere, in Europe. When I was a child all I wanted to read was myth, and stories of goddesses or I knew that this betokened another kind of reality, that this one that we live in now is not permanent and it was not here always forever.
Q: What causes men to be violent against women? Does it boil down to an underlying inequality between men and women? Does this mean that the answer is equality between the sexes?
What causes men to be violent then is basically an enforcement. That if you have a system of oppression, one group is being subordinated, in this case we're talking about women, and in some way you can propagandize and brain wash the subordinated group into agreeing to this. Well, I really am more passive, I really am subordinate. You know, we're given those messages all the time through the mass media, through religion, in which we're told that women are premordally evil, etc. But obviously, that's not going to work completely, we're going to resist. And we're not going to buy into all that ideology so the second level of enforcement is violence, actual violence. So I see the whole gamut from sexual harassment on the streets, in the office, through rape, through battery, through incest, through sexual murder, through a level of enforcement, to keep women in our place, to tell us that we can't speak out against atrocities and to serve as a lesson to all of the women. This is what will happen to you. You are prey in this culture, you are an object, you be obedient or you're off basically, so I see that violence serves an absolute function. It's not a deviation, it's not a monster from Mars. We have to look at it as absolutely functional to keeping the status quo going, to keeping the system of male supremacy working.
Q: You've said abusive men aren't abnormal or deviant, but the norm. Can you explain? What about rape in the home? You've made an interesting comment that these behaviors are not taboo, that it's talking about them which is taboo.
In that violence, it's not the norm in that everyone does it. It's just I think that there's some deception going on about it that we don't really want incest to happen. There's really an incest taboo. According to a 1992 government finance study, 36 percent of all rapes of women in this country are rapes by a family member. There's some deception going on. What is really taboo is speaking out about that, saying that the nuclear family is not really this haven of comfort and warmth, but that really according to the FBI women are nine times safer on the street than they are in the family. That's where you're most likely to be beaten, most likely to be raped. Eleven percent of all rapes take place of girls under the age, I mean, excuse me, 67 percent of all rapes are under the age of 18. About 29 percent of the girls under the age of 11 -- these are taking place in the home. Eleven percent of all rapes are rapes by a father or step-father. People who talk about family values, it's really a code word for a racist, sexist enforcement of family values, gender inequality, the idea that women and children are the property of the father. These are the values. It's really about control.
Q: What about the theory that violence is an inherent part of male biology?
I think the real stress on biological essentialism right now saying that men are born this way, women are born this way and we also see it in term of racism. For example, when something like the Bell curve, saying that whites or Africans are necessarily more, less intelligent, whites a little bit more so, the Japanese the highest. They put that in to make them not look like white racists. But, you know, all this kind of stuff is a backlash to thirty years of activism saying the culture is responsible for these kind of differences. That even I would argue that what we understand as biology is filtered through our cultural preconceptions. For example, think of the scenario that we all see, whether it be in a movie like "Look Whose Talking" or just what we've understood through education, of when a woman gets pregnant. The sperm is seen as this kind of heroic warrior, traveling up through this dangerous territory to penetrate and conquet the egg. We see that all the time. Really, why don't we look at that as the egg as this magnificent huge dominant fascinating force that draws the sperm to her, etc. We understand biology through cultural lenses. And what is, what was biology in the 19th century is now understood as scientific racism. The sciences of, for example, measuring skulls to prove that women of all races or Africans or Native Americans had smaller skulls and therefore lesser intellectual capacity. I would say that what's happening right now in all this emphasis on men are innately more violent and women are innately more passive and stuff like that is scientific sexism, nothing more.
Q: What sort of role has religion played? Does religion teach that men are superior to women, that female sexuality is linked to evil?
Religion is one of the most important sources of violence against, of the ideology for violence against women. It first gives us this idea of sex negativity. That sex in which women are really always implicated as the sex, we are the sexual ones. Be we mothers or prostitutes or temptresses or whatever. The whole story of Adam and Eve, that Eve was the one responsible.
Religion is absolutely fundamental in perpetrating violence against women. It is one of the key ways to communicate the ideology of male supremacy. First of all, God is male. There is no female principle. It was the people who demanded that Mary even in the Christian religion be given a place of honor. The cathedrals in Europe were built to her to recognize people's understanding that there is something feminine about the divine as well. But patriarchal religions would have us believe that all divinity is male and only male. And that coupled with the idea that female sexuality in women is evil, as for example in the Garden of Eden myth and that it is up to men to dominate both women and the earth, give us a script for all kinds of violence against women, which, of course, I connect up with violence against the earth in that the earth and women are seen as passive, as submissive, as out of control and thereby need to be controlled, dominated, etc. God tells Eve, "This is your husband, Adam, you will submit to him, he will lord it over you and basically you'll love it.” Yeah, right. That's the Bible.
So, religion often promotes an ideology of male supremacy, which as I said I see as the root of violence against women. We also get this whole idea of sex negativity. That sexuality is sinful, that the body is shameful. Then of course women are the sex, so it is our bodies that are seen as somehow contaminated, that we are seen as somehow kind of filthy. And so therefore you're given the choice to be this Madonna, this absolutely pure virgin mother or whatever or the whore, the one who epitomizes sex. These are of course both aspects of one persona. So it seems to me that therefore, it's also Christianity that even though, for example, fundamentalist Christianity rails against pornography that pornography is really Christianity's evil twin, to use soap opera jargon, that it's really the same thing. That both of them depend upon women and the idea of sex negativity, that the body and sexuality is somehow obscene, filthy and dirty. You don't have pornography without that, you don't have Christianity without that. On the submission of women, on a rather deadness, a kind of loss of the sacred involving sexuality that I see in both, in Christianity, the only kind of sex you can possibly have and then you're not supposed to enjoy it too much except as marital heterosexual procreative sex. No idea of ecstasy, of communing with the Universe, in any kind of sacred sexuality which characterizes what are seen as pagan cultures. So, pornography is of course the off-shoot of this terrible negativity, of sex as really just objectification, filthy, obscene, behavior.
Q: Doesn't this also lead to eroticizing the forbidden?
Okay, so what I see as happening in the Garden of Eden Myth is that sex supposedly was the sin that Adam and Eve committed. So then there's this injunction like that's considered to be the forbidden fruit. So we have this whole notion of the forbidden as being something that is also extremely desirable. And it seems to me that what patriarchal culture is about is about eroticizing the forbidden and therefore sanctioning taboo violation, making taboo violation itself an act of sex. An act that someone's supposed to get off on in a way which I see therefore as feeding, for example, incest. It's the forbidden that actually becomes more appealing, it's the violation of innocence. You're really acting out the culture's dicta. I mean, think of "Star Trek," to boldly go where no man has gone before. So there is no limit. No taboo, we just sort of march in uninvited and I think that's an injunction that is tied to this idea of the taboo. That rules are made really to be broken. It's thrilling to march in without invitation, justifying everything from incest to manifest destiny to all kinds of cultural imperialism.
Q: And so we have incest as an ultimate taboo?
Well, as I talk about incest in the nuclear family, obviously incest is not a real taboo. It's committed at an alarming rate. And that's just what is reported. We all know that these kinds of crimes are grievously unreported because of ideas of shame, because of pushing the memories so far back you don't have ready access to them, etc. So, incest in the nuclear family or child sexual abuse by priests, has been hushed up forever. You know, it's not really taboo. Everybody knows it's going on. But the taboo of silence is breaking up. That's what the feminist movement has been about. Breaking that conspiracy of silence: be it against child sexual abuse, wife beating, etc.
Think of what happened to Sinead O'Connor when she was on "Saturday Night Live." That time, I think it was in 1992, when she ripped up a picture of Pope John Paul II. And she was making a political statement. She was protesting the church's complicity in covering up incidences of child sexual abuse by the priesthood. She was excoriated for that in the press and the very next week Joe Peshi comes on and says, "I'm Italian and thank God it's Columbus Day.” And then goes into saying how he wants to smack her around and the crowd is roaring its approval of him smacking her around. So clearly here we see what I'm talking about -- about violence against women as enforcement of women staying in their place. Not speaking out and naming the atrocity, that's the taboo, not committing it. And I find it very interesting that when feminists are always accused of censorship, here's a real incident of censorship, in that when Saturday Night Live repeats these episodes, they censor Sinead O'Connor. They do not censor Joe Peshi advocating battery as a solution to women speaking out against abuses.
Q: What of the inherent differences between the sexes? Doesn't it all boil down to gender difference? Can we discuss these things without discussing gender differences?
I think absolutely we have these ideas that there are these genders, masculinity and feminity and that masculinity is something that all beings with certain kind of hormones and male genitalia have and there's this femininity. I think that differences between men and women, this whole creation of the opposite sex is a way to create male supremacy. You create difference and then you repress one-half of it and you create enmity, you create this kind of opposition. So, I really look at and then everybody says it's nature and it's innate. But why do we have so many cultural, so much cultural brainwashing to make it happen. Little boys, what you wear, how people can speak to you. You know the whole masculine or feminine conditioning which begins right at birth if not before. How you know now that everybody's finding out the sex of their child and probably even treating it differently in the womb when it's a fetus. But okay, what were we going on? I'm thinking, okay, the cultural construction of masculinity.
It seems to me that masculinity in all of the culturally approved avocations of masculinity is somehow associated with force and violence. That men are suppose to be identified by their bodily strength and that almost all the male initiation rights, all the whole culture of masculinity, the heros that we see be it Indiana Jones or Rambo or John Wayne or Charles Bronson, or whomever, they're all predicated on some kind of violent action. Therefore we understand that to be a man and that being a man, you're not born a man, you become a man according to how the culture says what a man is. The culture makes you into a creature who is ruled by a commitment to violence and that male heroes and male villains, be they cops, be they criminals, they're all bonded by their commitment to violence. And so I think what we really need to do is deconstruct masculinity, destroy notions of cultural masculinity and femininity. I would be much more in favor of a world in which we didn't see ourselves as opposite sexes but as existing on a continuum in which the feminine within men as well as within women was honored. And there would be women who be more traditionally masculine even than some men, etc. Understand that we're on a co-continuum, we have much more in common than we have separating us.
Q: What do you think of Robert Bly and his theories?
Robert Bly. I mean, I find him interesting in that I basically like his response of going back to the old tradition, but my liking of it stops about there. He goes back to an extremely sexist fairy tale in which the guy becomes a hero by basically winning in war and then capturing as his prize a princess. I mean this is absolute sexism. Violence initiation, and then you know the princess as object trophy prize. So, the women is a sex object. I think what he preaches basically is that women are inadequate. That men need to find themselves in a separatist community with other men. And I find historically that men having separatist communities, and even right now culturally male fraternities, male sports, etc. These are the sites of some of the worst violence against women. And that's where I think men are suppose to, the way in which one becomes a man in this culture is by rooting out the feminine within the self. By denying the mother, which Robert Bly is all about. Bonding with the father and rooting out all traces of the feminine within the self which he says you can only do in all male communities. That's completely the patriarchal root to manhood. And women are inadequate for this. What Sheri Hite's research shows is that boys who grow up in households run by single women are far more respectful to women, show lower incidence of violence, etc. So you know, I think that's absolute nonsense that women can't really create men. So what my problem with Bly is that I think he's profoundly misogynist. Women are again a lesser contaminating presence and need to be conquered or overcome in order to actualize manhood. That's again the patriarchal script.
Q: Hasn't violence against women been legally sanctioned for centuries?
It's been different throughout the history of patriarchal culture. For example, we talked about patriarchal religion in the early modern period, around the same time as the voyages to the new world, beginning with the use of Africans in slavery, you had the European and the whole enlightenment, the whole ascendence of rationality. You had the burning of women as witches, throughout early modern Europe, and some men. Probably anywhere from 300 thousand to a million. And this was completely legitimated by both church and state. So violence against women there was the law. You had to do it, it was absolutely approved.
Now a'days, we live in this time of that kind of pseudo taboo I was talking about. It's supposed to be taboo but we all know that on "General Hospital" when Luke raped Laura. It makes it glamorous, it eroticizes that kind of violence against women and it makes it appear consensual. As if women seek this out and want it. It makes it extremely normal as well. Let me just think of a few examples. I mean, we all know the notorious "General Hospital" where Luke raped Laura and then later married her, so it made it seem as though rape was some kind of courtship ritual (laughter). I mean Calvin Kline sells this obsession and gives us these very erotic images of a man, of a naked man carrying a naked woman over his shoulders.
It's underscoring both male dominance but also the idea that love is somehow synonymous with obsession. I mean that's what leads to four women in this country every day being killed by men who say they love them (chuckle) but most women in the country who are killed are killed by men who say they love them. That's really obsession and we should never confuse the two, obsession and feeling that the woman is somehow your property. But we're taught this all the time. And "Pretty Woman" considered a light-hearted flick and Richard Gere decides that he wants to marry Julia Roberts after he realizes that marriage is really ownership, he's not just renting her as a prostitute any more. He can actually own her. Remember the scene where he looks at the jewelry and says, "Oh, I don't have to just rent this, I can own it.” And he's talking about her too. So, I think in all kinds of ways it's made to seem either very normative, very happy and beneficial, or very erotic, a very heroic, be it these constructions of masculinity as violent enforcer, such as Rambo, etc.
Q: So, does the media contribute to these notions or merely reflect them?
Well, I think it's a dialogic process. The media both sells us what we want but also decides and conditions us to want what we want. So it's a two-way street. It's always going back and forth. And it's not just sort of an injection, but media puts these things in our heads. But it shapes what we want as well as then satisfying that want.
We all react differently to those messages. That's a real common theme in contemporary cultural studies, that people can negotiate meanings and take something out of it that somebody else didn't get out. For example, and you'll see that argument used to justify pornography all the time. Well, I read pornography and I haven't raped anyone, etc. etc. But what we need to do is take collective responsibility that, for example, the most common sexual activity of serial murders according to the justice department is using pornography. And that even if an individual can look at a particular type of pornography and not cultivate a desire to go out and sexually murder, we have to take responsibility for that a significant portion of the population does use this material to feed those fantasies and to provide a script for carrying out that kind of behavior. And so it's not a question, I think that a capitalist consumer culture always emphasizes, we have this kind of liberal emphasis on individual rights, my rights, my rights, my rights. How about cultural responsibility. Again I think that's a feature of a gynesophical or gynecentric system. That we really do have to look for a common good in some way and take some responsibility. Understand, set some limits. And again, we live in a culture in which limits are there only to be transgressed.
Q: Is the solution censorship?
I would veer away from censorship. That's why I like the law that Andrea Dworkin and Catherine McKinnin drafted that would make it that a woman or anyone injured by pornography could sue in civil court. So I would never give the police power to seize materials and to prohibit because I think that we could go into the kind of society that Margaret Atwood describes in the Hand Maid's Tale in which you have what I talked about as the right wing side of the women oppressive agenda that sort of the Christian woman as object, woman as reproductive breeder and maybe whore on the side and that's it. Right, that kind of circumscription of women's freedom. But I don't want the purely pornographic libertarian you know, all the women getting raped and incested that we have right now either. So, we're allowed to swing back and forth between modes but never to get beyond them. I'd like to get beyond that. So no, I'm not in favor of censorship.
I'm in favor of one kind of collective responsibility, maybe suing in civil court, there's some legal remedies that have been proposed but I'd never give the police power to seize materials. That would be immediately abused. What I think we need is to really create an alternative consciousness and to create change in the culture through what I call in psychic activism, through generating alternative forms of eroticism, alternative forms of erotica, alternative myths, narratives, symbols, stories. And I think what I would call upon women to do is to reverse the kind of sex negativism. Part of our oppression has been to tell us that we're either these pornographic whores or we're completely asexual. To demand and exercise our sexual autonomy, to become what I think of as bawdy women. You know, were really to speak. I mean we're not really suppose to express our sexual desires outside of pornography. Its seen as some how very lacking in taste, a very unlady like or whatever. I think whenever we criticize pornography we have to do it in a bawdy way to affirm sexuality, to reverse the kind of sex negativism of that strain of patriarchy of the Christian side. To be vulgar in the sense of like bawdy, earthy, in touch with our sexuality. And therefore, I think we break those false opposites of sex negativism or pornography. And move into a new paradigm.
Q: There's some controversy as to whether rape is a crime of violence or a crime of sexuality? How are violence and sex intertwined?
I think it's really specious to separate violence and sexuality. I would disagree with some of the early feminists who you know we all change our minds as the theory gets worked out, who would say rape is a crime of violence, not a crime of sex. Because unfortunately in this culture, sex is completely interfused with violence, with notions of dominance and subordination. As I said, I believe our gender roles are constructed so we have these two constructed genders, masculine and feminine that are defined by one being powerful and one being powerless. And so therefore, powerlessness and power themselves become eroticized. And in that violence becomes eroticized. Domination, subordination become eroticized so that whether you know somebody is actually exerting dominance in a sexually explicit way as in pornography or doing it in a mainstream way, for example. That's seen as somehow sexual. Because the domination itself, the violation itself has become sexual according to this gender hierarchy system.
I realize that there are some biologists that would say that violence is just a means men use to get sex as if sex were just this sort of innate thing that we're all born knowing what it is and wanting. Rather I see sex as a culturally constructed in the way our sexuality is expressed. For example, the idea that intercourse between a man and a woman is sex. Right? Preferably with him on top penetrating and thrusting and her lying still. Right? I mean that's a cultural notion and one induced by male supremacy. So this sex that he's getting is really a model to justify, that he's saying is innate, is a model to justify a very oppressive male dominant form of sexuality that is completely culturally conditioned. Rape is sexual, yes in that force and domination of women has been sexualized. That's how it's both violent and sexual at the same time. We need to recognize how they work in tandem.
Also, I mean, some theorists who I would see as whether consciously or not in complicity would rape would say, "Well, it's just that there's this very attractive woman and rape is the only way I can get her or something like that,” that this justifies. But that in no way speaks to the reality of rape in which extremely old women who are seen in this country or in this culture again in a patriarchal culture as completely undesirable are raped, in which little babies are raped, in which it's just a question of which woman is most vulnerable at a particular time, is most easy to be preyed upon. That theory doesn't jive at all with the way that rape is actually promoted. It's based on there's an available victim that I can intimidate and conquer at this particular point.
Q: What do you think about developing alternate notions of eroticism?
Anything that I talk about with pornography, I stress the needs of developing an alternative notions of sexuality alternative notions of erotica. I think we have to have a counter culture. I know Newt Gingrich has declared war on the counter culture. But that's because I think that's the reason he does it, I think is because that's where the most powerful force is for change. If we change cultural attitudes, behaviors, desires, I mean, all these things are culturally constructed to begin with. Male dominance is a cultural construct. It can be deconstructed and changed and we do that through every day acts, through subversions, as a title of a book by a woman I don't know but it's a good title, Every Day Acts in Small Subversions. That we don't believe them that it's inevitable. And that power is only exercised from the top to the bottom. That we recognize that creation is ongoing every day.
There's a social construction of reality that we participate in and that we can become the creators of an emerging alternative reality. It's happening now. Thirty years ago you would go to medical journals and find no references to wife beating. Not its they're trying to put it back they're trying to say incest is all false memory, etc. They can't completely put it back in the box, we have broken that conspiracy of silence and we're not going to shut up. And not only do we have to tell the truth about the abuses that are heaped on us, but we have to articulate a new emerging consciousness in reality and practice of sexuality that is not based upon that sex negative norm of what the heterosexual monogamous procreative couple, etc. We have to encourage sexual experimentation, the wiring and production of erotic materials, the infusion of the resacrilization of sexuality. Understanding that is why I really hate porography because it teaches us that the life force can be commodified, packaged and sold.
There has been a division in the feminist movement between feminists who are opposed to pornography and feminists who say we shouldn't concentrate on that because it's antisexual. But I see and I think they have a point but I think we need a medium ground here and I understand that pornography is anti-sexual, its about destroying packaging containing exploiting, abusing the life force. Pornography teaches us that the life force can be consumed, used and abused. Then women, children can be consumed, used, abused, the planet can be consumed, used and abused, etc. I see pornography as paradigmatic of other kind of abuses that are taking on. So I think some of the solutions would be to treat, to teach notions of respect for other life forms whether they are human or not, to understand that if you don't treat the life force with respect, understand that you cannot take without giving back, that you have to respect limits, boundaries. The life force will strike back at you. We're always told that there's no limits, that we can boldly go where no man has gone before, a dictum that I see justifying both incest and manifest destiny. I might have said that already.
Q: So how do we begin to change things? How do you inculcate a sense of respect for all life?
This notion, celebrated on "Star Trek," that we can boldly go where no man has gone before, recognizing that's a dictum that justifies everything from incest to manifest destiny, and that what we really need to understand is that we can't go everywhere, that we need to expect an invitation, to understand that you can't take something without giving back in equal measure. That we need to respect, not only other human beings, but all creatures in the land, the land, I would say herself. And then if we don't, the life force will strike back. We talk about with such arrogance that humans can save the planet or not. I mean, you know, we'll only destroy ourselves if we go on in this way. I see all this violence against women as very apocalyptic in some way. I mean it is about destroying and contaminating the future and the life force itself and it's folly. An absolute folly!
Some people say that for things to change the punishment for crimes against women must be severe. What do you think?
Oh, punishment. I have to say in terms of punishment, I mean yes, I think that some abusers are so far gone they're just going to keep doing it and they have to be kept away from the rest of the population. While I certainly agree that we have to say this is not allowable, you know clearly many rapists get off, I mean, it's not a highly prosecuted and convicted crime rate, etc. Batterers continue to do this, people see it as just a lover's quarrel. We do have to change cultural attitudes about that. I'm not in favor of any kind of police state idea of avenge, punish, torture, etc. I'm much more in favor of a model that if somebody cannot change, if somebody is really a danger they should be banished in some kind of segregated way. They have to be, and all modes should be put toward prevention. I mean, I just see sadomasochism and even like punishment itself has become so sexualized under the parent of patriarchal pornographic role view that I'm seeing, that I think we need to really break with all those kind of attitudes.
Q: So how do we break with all those attitudes?
Remember I talked before about grandmother spider creating the world through telling stories, story-telling is what creates consciousness and through consciousness reality is created. And, so the media is our contemporary story teller, and it's in a way, very much like religion. It gives us parables, it gives us values to live by, it gives us role models to emulate, saints or whatever. If you will, new deities almost whom we worship, as in celebrities. So the media has to be recognized as the cultural story teller and understand that it is there to enforce the status quo. We can resist it occasionally. For example, in horror films are where you'll see the most vehement critique of family values. I mean, families are always insane and the father's always out to kill everybody in families, if you think about it, he's like the step father.
I think some people talk about teaching media literacy and I would completely agree with that, that we need to be able to critique the advertising , recognize when there's pictures of little girls posed like Marilyn Monroe when they're four years old. Recognize that images of rape in the ads selling us jeans or something like that so we are consciously aware of them, and I think they lose some of their power over us. But I think on the other hand, we have to get beyond that because these images are meant to appeal like cocoa, he says, they're going to the back of your mind, to your subconscious and we are programmed by our culture to respond to certain things, to react in certain ways and what we as activists have to do is reprogram, recondition, create, and that is through generating what I talked about before, these alternative myth narrative. If we give people an alternative erotica which I see in some women's communities, a lot of lesbian erotica. There's something like Four Fat Dikes, and it's this movie in which women, fat lesbians, who are despised by this culture, right, who are seen as everything a woman should not be, celebrate their bodies and their sexuality. That to me is fabulous and it is also erotic. And it is about celebrating the life force. So those are the direction I think we need to move in as well.
Q: Tell us about your book, The Age of Sex Crime.
The Age of Sex Crime is my first book in which I analyze the phenomena of how serial sex killers have become hero figures in this culture, which goes back to my argument that these are not deviants, these are not monsters from nowhere, they're actually performing a cultural function in enforcing misogyny in showing that women are prey, etc. and acting out masculinity in totally dominating the feminine. So that's the base, and what I mean by that is that the characteristic act of the serial sex killer like Jack the Ripper, sort of the founding father of the movement was the mutilation of a woman's body. And leaving her out for display and it seems to me that the mutilation, particularly of the sex organs is a paradigmatic, a model for the other kinds of abuses that are going on. Be it splitting the atom, be it raising an entire old growth forest or whatever, that kind of again destruction focused on the life force, the generator.
I think particularly in native American philosophy, we're taught that you can only go so far with that before retaliation sets in, that the life force will not let you, the life force does strike back. So do women. Can I say something about "Thelma and Louise?" Why was that movie hated so much? It was one movie in which women bonded, and in which women fought back. They killed one man, who had initiated the violence. But it was seen as this terribly violent movie. And I think that shows about the power of the kind of narratives that I'm talking about. The power to just as Jack the Ripper has become legend, we hear that "Thelma and Louise" live forever on the T-shirts or the bumper stickers. So we've projected into that legendary realm and are able to fight at that level too.
Q: Not all men obviously are violent and they all grow up in the same culture. So, why do you think some men are violent?
As to why individual men are violent, there isn't just one cause. I mean patriarchal science would tell us there's cause and effect and you have to be able to scientifically study it and link it, well experiment on all these college students and see if after watching pornography they'll go rape or something. That's nonsense. That's not how it works. Listen to the anecdotal stories of narratives of people who have lived through violence and abuse and there's always different kinds of reasons. I mean, we can all watch a beer commercial and some of us will go out and drink beer and some of us will even become alcoholics, so there's complex reasons - what happened in the boy's childhood, how much violence he was exposed to. How susceptible he was to images from the media, how strong an influence his mother was in his life, etc. and I mean usually the influence of the mother is a good one generating respect for women as opposed to what movies like Psycho, Alfred Hitchcock's patriarchal narratives, would have us believe. Does that answer it well enough?
What of the media? How does its portrayal of women reinforce certain notions,particularly in advertising?
We see these kinds of advertisements everywhere. I mentioned Calvin Cline's Obsession. There are adds for jeans in which women are shown licking the floor. That's a common technique in domestic violence, not just hitting the woman, but humiliating her. Either with words or through making her perform demeaning acts, etc. Lots of images of couples seeming to tussle and the woman on high heels ready to topple over which we're told again. It normalizes violence, it makes it seem as just a love spat, etc. What other ones did I talk about? Movies? Movies, even if you go back. "Gone with the Wind” is of course classic in that we do see a scene of marital rape and the woman is made to smile as if seeming to enjoy it. Now, hopefully race, consciousness of racist oppression has made us realize that the slaves weren't really enjoying life on the plantation as "Gone with the Wind” shows. I think we should also recognize that Scarlet would not in actuality have enjoyed being raped.
Another movie I love to hate (and I found profoundly distressing because so many children see it and see it uncritically), it's Disney, it's "Beauty and the Beast." If you look at that movie, a young girl, no mother, there's never any mothers in these movies. She lives alone with her father, she ends up getting taken prisoner by the beast. She's literally a prisoner, all the household help conspire to hide the fact of how violent he is and then he actually turns violent on her, breaking furniture, threatening her, a scene of absolute domestic abuse, but we're told that she just loves him enough, he can change and the beast will turn into a prince. That is an extremely dangerous myth to give young girls. That if you just love a man enough you can change him. It also says that it's men's nature. They're beastly. The bestial nature. Not a cultural construction that makes men violent towards women. So I think the movie is deceptive on all these counts but also in particularly in telling the young girl, if she just loves the beast enough, he'll turn into the prince and that keeps a lot of women waiting around, hoping, hoping he'll change. And he keeps telling her that.
We see this also graphically in an adult movie, "Internal Affairs,” in which the character played by Andy Garcia, and both these movies are very racist. The beast when he turns into the prince changes from being bestial into being like Apollo or something like that. This blonde god and the darkness and the bestial is associated with I think people of color very graphically. Andy Garcia in "Internal Affairs” beats his wife in public. And then, he breaks into Spanish right after beating her in public which makes it seem as if you know this hot Latino kind of thing. So again, it's somehow associated with race here, not with just male supremacy and privilege. And then he goes home the next day and she fights back. She's angry at him for beating her in public and he tells her he's jealous of her and he's seen her with another man and he's saying....He goes and spends the night drinking and with women of color are whores, so again the racism and I mean whores, oh, I'll have to start again. He beats his wife in public and she of course is a blonde, white trophy kind of desirable woman in a racist-sexist culture. He goes and then spends the night with the so-called despised women, women of color who are then whores. He then goes home the next day and confronts her and starts accusing her of sleeping with other men, etc. and tells her if you ever do that I'll kill you, I'll kill you!. At this point they fall to the floor and make passionate love while he keeps reminding her - I'll kill you, I'll kill you. This is not foreplay, these are not words of endearment. When women hear that they should get out and not be told by the movies that this is a prelude to the greatest sex you're ever going to have.
Q: What about portrayals of women in music videos and elsewhere?
Guns and Roses in, for example, Axl Rose has been accused by two of his former wives and/or girl friends of beating them. And he shows women being beaten and murdered by himself, by him in many of his videos including "Don't Cry,” "November Rains,” etc. So, very clearly there's this idea that it's completely normal and acceptable for a heroic figure like Axl Rose to beat women. What else on MTV? I know because I've done some of these.
Q: It goes all the way back to Shakespeare. Think of "Othello."
I've never read "Othello," so I can't tell. Again, you know you're getting into this where it's so much easier for a racist culture to select out men of color and say they're the ones who are doing this. They're the rapists, they're the beasts, etc. And I'm saying that men of color don't abuse women, they do. I'm just saying they're given disproportionate attention in a racist media. And its all, they're scapegoated. It's all put on. They're the ones who are doing it. And then women we're told, we're sex objects, white women particularly young, blonde white women are said to be the trophy objects, the objects to claim and of course, the most common reason men give for abusing and/or killing women is the jealousy and the idea that if I can't have her, no one can. She's my property. There's a T-shirt that's actually sold that says, "If you love something, set it free, and if it doesn't come back, gun it down and kill it." Yeah, which I see as like the mantra for the abusive generally femicidal man.
But think how often in the media that when we're taught that when a man begins to show jealousy, that's when he's in love, no that's when he's obsessed and use you as property. And you should get the hell out. But you know "Pretty Woman,” that's one where the minute Richard Gear begins showing jealousy, the audience says, Oh good, he loves her. You know, that kind of thing and that's again one way we're seduced to these attitudes that condone, legitimize and endorse in this case wife beating.
Q: How does the mass media make women sex objects?
Women being sex objects and what we mean by that is that we're reduced to things. Property, objects to consume, to use, to abuse, to own. Which is related obviously to the issue of jealousy. But if you look at the mass media you'll see an endless supply of women being portrayed as what I call fem-bots, these kind of sex robots. For example, there's a very famous, not famous, it's famous on college campuses because it shows, it's up so much in the men's dorms. It's an ad for a motorcycle that just shows a woman's body fused into the motorcycle. And her rump is where the man sits and drives her. So woman as the object that you can own and use at your pleasure, at your will, that image says it but all the kind of rituals in which women are -- the cheese cake things. The cultural rituals or the images that show us as objects, that we are there to be looked at, that we are there. Let me think of some other images I have that show this kind of objectification going on. But see when I'm saying that, I can give you some images of women as that motorcycle image -- the woman as yeah, that we are therefore, we're not recognized as significant human beings. We are rendered soulless when actually it's the ones who are soulless who are trying to portray women as like these kind of simple dolls, objects, puppets, and it's very curious. Ted Bundy, and many people think that he wasn't, that he was just copying this idea that pornography made him do it the last minute. He talked about that since he was caught in 1979 how pornography, not just pornography but Coppertone ads in which women were just shown as display items, were used, you know, draped on cars, that he became identified with the car. That women were literally sex objects to them. He says he never talked about the women as she but as the object, the puppet, the doll.
Q: Can you think of responsible portrayals of women?
"Thelma and Louise" Let's see. It's harder to come up with responsible portrayals of women I think that we can certainly find some. I think Allison Anders film, "Gas, Food and Lodging" is a very complex, it's a female initiation story. It's a female coming of age story. There's a movie called "Desert Bloom,” that's again interesting. I think "Thelma and Louise” is genuine feminist art. "Daughter's of the Dust” by Julie Desh which is, she the first African-American female filmmaker to make a feature film. You know which shows the combined racism and sexism in the system that thus far there have been, she was the first just 19, just three years ago I believe. Ah, the responsible portrayals of women.
Roseann. I think Roseann is marvelous. I mean, you know obviously I'm going to quibble sometimes, but Roseann proclaims her autonomy, her power, her sexuality. The show deals with complex issues. I love it.
I'm going to surprise you with this, but I think that sometimes in soap operas, because they are pitched toward a women audience, that you will find, for example, on the "Young and the Restless,” more responsible treatments of date rape, battery. For example, in movies like "Sleeping With the Enemy,” we see a woman stranded. She's being beaten by her husband and she has nowhere to go. She's completely on her own. There is no social system to support her. On the "Young and the Restless” there are friends who intervene. She goes to a battered woman's shelter and talks about her problem. They all give her the support to leave her husband. So that I consider that to be a genuine feminist portrayal. And another instance of a treatment of a date rape on the "Young and the Restless,” the sexual harassment, excuse me, an episode of examining sexual harassment on the "Young and the Restless,” which again has a lot of problems. I'm not portraying it as pure feminist intentionality or anything like that, but there was a very interesting treatment of sexual harassment in which the male lawyer harassing the younger female lawyer at the end tells her, "You know, just between me and you, you really wanted it, you really desired it. And you know you secretly were yearning for it.” She faces him down and says "Absolutely not. You were trying to use your power to dominate me. You get off on power. I don't get off on powerlessness.” something to that effect. I'm not quoting her exactly. Again, these kind of shining feminist moments on soap operas. Which is, of course, seen as a degraded women's kind of form of amusement.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
an interview with @elora-lane (she/they)
content warning: mentions of mental illness and past physical injury
what are you working on right now? what’s something you’d like to write one day?
Right now, I am working on a Bellarke A/B/O period fic called Surely, You Must Know. I am also working on my Bellarke for BLM Prompts. The first one was posted a couple weeks ago, and I have a bit written for my Bellarke improv/roommates au, and the Josie/Bellamy Bellarke fic (where Bellamy goes through the wringer with an abusive Josie, and Clarke is there to help him heal).
Something I’d like to write one day... I have a book idea about a genderfluid, bisexual individual based in the early 1820s. The main character (she/her, they/them) was born female and finds herself ostracized after she kisses her best friend (a female), when her friend says she is going to school elsewhere. It takes place over years, and involves the main character falling in love, her love being killed in front of her, having a child and ending up with the very same friend who couldn’t accept her own sexuality (the best friend is a lesbian).
I’m not sure If I’ll get around to writing it, but I have it all planned out and the characters already live in my mind.
what is the fanwork you’re most proud of?
Hmm... that’s honestly very difficult for me to answer because I’m rarely happy with my writing in the long term. But I’d say I’m proud of The Governor’s Daughter, which was written for Garcy (timeless, Garcia Flynn/Lucy Preston). I had a three-part story planned out for this fic, but I’ve since gotten so absorbed with Bellarke that I changed the ending so it wouldn’t torture fans. But in the original ending the main character is pregnant when she is kidnapped, and her husband is recovering from a gunshot wound himself, when shots are fired in her home.
The main character leaves thinking everyone she loves is dead.
I was rather proud of the fic because it’s the longest thing I’ve written- and I don’t write long works. Beyond that, it was about two individuals who should never have met. But did and fell in love despite all odds. In the story not everything is as it seems. I did a lot of research for it and wonder if I got it right (the language probably needs some work). I sorta get obsessed with research, although I know it’s not perfect.
The Bellarke work I’m most proud of is probably How Not to Quarantine. I went into it wanting to write something smutty. But it became a bit deeper than that and dealt with issues of battling societal norms, sexism toward both women and men, and miscommunication.
why did you first start writing fic?
I got inspired by Garcia Flynn and Lucy Preston from Timeless. I got inspired by the idea of time travel, and how the future is never as it seems. I’ve always written poetry, and very short stories. But fan fic has been my first time really writing stories with somewhat significant plotlines. I wanted to fill a plot hole, and well... I haven’t stopped writing since.
Another aspect of it was that I was new mom and unemployed. I have twins who are toddlers now. But when I first started writing I had horrible post-partum depression and anxiety that lasted two years. Writing helped me funnel all of that and be the new mom I needed to be. The lovely comments and encouragement I got from fandom friends played a part in keeping me on the road to recovering from my worst depressive episode.
what frustrates you most about fic writing?
Honestly, not to sound mellow-dramatic, but me. I frustrate myself.
I’ve mentioned it a little bit, but I had a few head injuries and I have bad ADHD. It’s a lot better than it was when I first started writing about two and half years ago. I would revisit my works and there were so many errors and things that just didn’t make sense. After my last head injury (I fell 8ft on concrete right onto the back of my head about eight years ago), I would write papers that made sense to me in the moment, and then my instructor would show me what I wrote, and it was just totally jumbled up nonsense- some of it wasn’t even words. Needless to say, I had to drop out of college.
So, as frustrating as it is, I’m proud of myself for continuing to write enough to retrain my brain (of course, it also healed, and anti depressants helped my brain chemistry realign). I still make errors and my brain gets tired quickly on some days, but I’ve come a long way. Grammarly is a huge help, too!
what are your top five songs right now?
Oh boy. I totally blame @star-sky-earth for the first three... here is a list.
Body by SYML
Touch by Sleeping at Last
Let Me by ZAYN
Bulletproof Weeks by Matt Nathanson
Nashville by Noah Gundersen
That was so hard to decide, thank you for the challenge!
what are your inspirations (books, songs, other fic, really good cake?)?
Music is huge for me. I’m very sensitive to the mood that music puts me in. A good tune can help me think of an entire plotline. Usually, it’s the music in a movie and the visuals that inspire me, and rarely the dialogue.
Anything by Jane Austen is inspiring for my Bellarke ABO period fic. My fav JA book is Northanger Abbey, but I rewatched the film version of Mansfield Park, Emma, and Sense and Sensibility (the BBC three-parter) all in one night!
Bonus note: the new Emma has a really good kiss scene that is just 100%... Muy Bueno. Loved it. ed’s note: the new Emma film is very good
what first attracted you to Bellarke? what attracts you now?
Well, frankly I was attracted to Bellarke fic before I liked them in the show. But some of the Modern AUs and some of the Canon Divergent AUs have power dynamics that really get me. I love fics where one of them is a king/queen or boss, and it takes time for them to fall in love, but the one with the power is gracious and caring and uses that to help the other. Even if it takes a while to get there, I guess kindness and compassion attract me. As does conflict resolution. To me, conflict is worth it if it gets a good resolution.
I also like other themes like loyalty, perseverance, transformation, epiphany and absolution.
In the show, season six hooked me.
BESIDES Bellarke, what character or pairing do you like best on t100?
I’m gonna answer this from a fic writer perspective. Honestly, I’d love to see season six Echo continue the road to absolution and end up with Gabriel (I mean, it’s a pipe dream, but Gecho, c’mon...). I’m okay with where she is in season seven, because I can’t control it. But it’s not what I would have done.
Roan/Echo is fav of mine.
I also would have loved to see Gina and Raven. Or more Gina/Bellamy. I really liked Gina.
As far as 100% actual ships, I liked Linctavia. I do like season seven, too. Although it feels like a totally different show.
why did you decide to start writing for bellarkefic-for-blm?
I decided to because it allows me to use something unique for the good of others. I try for the most part to help others.
what’s your writing process like?
Chaos.
Writing for me is like cracking open a coconut. It’s tough to get there, but once you do it doesn’t stop. And if you hit it too hard, the stuff just goes all over the place.
what are some things you’d like to recommend?
In general? Umm... Calm Magnesium drink, it’s super relaxing. Like last night I started having all this anxiety and drank some. It calmed me down enough to sleep (also listened to the sound of a snowstorm and crackling fire).
I also recommend introspection and reflection. If you do that a lot, I recommend art or writing. Life is all about balance.
You can find @elora-lane here on Tumblr, or at their ao3 here. Request a fic written by her over at @bellarkefic-for-blm.
#bellarkefic4blm#bellamy blake#clarke griffin#bellarke fanfiction#the 100 fanfiction#bellarkefic for blm interviews
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
catherine / infamy
words: 5733, one shot, language: english
anne / jane / katherine / catherine
this was posted on ao3 some days ago and I have been since debating to post it here or not. except for this series I will stop posting here probably, and just move to my ao3
TW: I think this one only has as tw Catherine's story (kidnapping, dying in childbirth, etc) plus self deprication... if anyone thinks this one needs more tw please tell me
the commentary between scenes are things I got from internet about Catherine Parr
Catherine Parr will always be known as the queen who got away.
(…)
Her breath is heavy, the air denser than it should be.
But it slowly gets better, to the point she opens her eyes and the light doesn’t hurt. Sitting, she can recognize Katherine Howard, the girl for who she was a lady-in-waiting. Anna of Cleves is also sitting, a lost expression on her face. A woman with blonde hair that makes her think of the various portraits she saw in the palace. Just by counting the people in the room, she can easily assume who the rest of them are.
After all, she was the last of them.
(…)
Catherine’s father died when she was five years old and so her education was left to her mother, who educated Catherine to a high standard.
(…)
Catherine never loved moving.
Usually she got too attached to a place, and changes were definitely not her favourite thing.
(Moving centuries felt like a torture – not that she would ever admit it out loud.)
Their new house was small, smaller than any castle she ever lived in. She had to share a bedroom with her godmother with whom she never had a relationship, and the third queen, mother of the kid she saw getting the crown.
Sometimes at night the house made her think of Snape Castle. Of nights fearing for her life. Being the survivor didn’t mean her life was any easier. Those nights she preferred to avoid sleeping in case the faces of John and Margaret might appear in her dreams.
Instead she would just scroll through articles and articles on her phone, trying to understand any actual device that was out to the public, or what did spot on meant. At least being productive made her feel less useless. After years of new information missed, she could really use new research.
(…)
Sometimes alternatively spelled Katherine, Katheryn, Kateryn or Katharine.
(…)
Catherine can’t help but feel powerless when thinking about Katherine Howard.
She was just a child. A teen, who Catherine couldn’t save. Her mind didn’t work fast enough to help the girl, who died such a tragic, grotesque death, leaving Parr her place as queen. Maybe if Parr was smart enough, she could’ve done something else.
But she wasn’t.
She loved to lie, to make everyone believe her, but deep down she knew nothing more than that, a lie. An elaborated act that took years to construct. A character, a fake line, an improvised scene that went day after day. Because Catherine didn’t think of herself as intelligent, just a very good actress, fooling everyone into thinking she was smart.
She wished it was true.
Instead she had to live with the guilt of knowing what she did. She was not the hero, not the survivor, not the scholar queen.
Catherine Parr was a fool who couldn’t save Howard, nor Margaret, nor Elizabeth, nor Lady Jane Grey. Her hands were filled with the blood and tears of all the girls at her care; she never had the chance to rescue, instead just assisting to their downfall. And her mind won’t stop her from repeating the names time and time again.
(…)
Catherine was known for her love of learning and for her fluency in languages such as Latin, French and Italian.
(…)
“What do you want to know?” The last queen questions.
Her godmother had been moving the whole night, buzzing around her. It was almost becoming annoying, except that there was a warmness, an incapability of getting mad knowing how close her mother and the woman once were.
“What makes you think I want to know something?” Aragon retorts.
“You seem nervous, if you want to know something just ask ahead. I won’t get mad.”
She internally prays for Aragon not to ask her something about Spanish, or worse, Latin or Italian. Languages felt more complicated and overwhelming in the twenty-first century, featuring strange mixes between them.
(Apparently, Spanglish was a thing.)
She is not sure if any other question would be good, at all. Catherine is supposed to know all the answers, to be educated, to distinguish, to be useful. Since arriving in this century her mind has been confused, mixing up languages and dates. Blocked, broken.
“Curiosity is not such a good trait.” The older woman speaks, almost robotically, just repeating words she probably heard time and time again.
Catherine would be lying if she said that was the first time she heard those words. Her curiosity was not exactly an attribute in her past life, but she maintained it through the end of her days, always looking forward to learning. A craving for intelligence heavier than the one for safety.
“It’s alright, really.”
“What happened when I died?”
The question comes out quickly, making Parr hold a breath.
“When you died…” She starts, trying to remember only important details. “Anne and Henry were still married, but she lost the pregnancy. She had three miscarriages. You can imagine how Henry reacted.”
Catherine nods, aware of Anne’s thick scar.
“Jane went next. I can’t remember a lot from her reign, for it was short and I wasn’t at court at the time,” she winces, trying not to show her stiffness when talking about it, “Henry asked for her to be painted in every family portrait, even after she died. He really tried to secure the line of succession for Edward, what a shame he died so young. In his attempts to have another son, Henry married Anna. She wasn’t bad, just probably a lot for him to handle.”
“She seems like a lot.” Catherine speaks, judging tone in her voice.
“Don’t say that, she is actually sweet. Henry couldn’t kill her, politics involved, so they settled for an annulment. Then Katherine came. She was naïve, a child. I was a lady-in-waiting for her, and it is true she might have been childish, but she was –is, I suppose– a good person.”
“I feel like all of them know more than me,” Aragon explains, “but I don’t want to read about them, it’s like invading their privacy.”
“I did. Most sources are from after we died, none of them completely true.” Catherine admits. “We should be able to tell our story.”
“We should.”
(…)
Catherine is known for reuniting Henry’s children with their father and bringing them back to court.
(…)
The opening night for the show is nerve-wracking to say the least.
Anna almost cursed at Catherine because, after all, it was her idea. Parr stays silent, knowing that the fourth queen is nervous to her very core. She also knows that the show has to be done.
They could only live off doing interviews for some time. She learnt that the internet worked in mysterious ways, and nothing stayed new for too long. People grew tired, and interviews were less and less often.
But after the play, it feels right. Even her godmother is smiling, her own reluctance to create the play long forgotten. People cheer around them, the band still firm on their spots but clapping their hands.
For a moment it feels good to be in the spotlight.
(…)
Catherine was an attractive and intelligent woman, who combined the intelligence and wit of Anne Boleyn with the prudence and diplomacy of Catherine of Aragon.
(…)
“Anne, wake up.”
Boleyn opens her eyes. Her hands were still holding her phone. That little technological device that holds so much information about everything. Catherine wonders what she was doing, what could have been so important that she didn’t go to bed.
“You should go to your room, Kat and Anna might be waiting for you.” She says with a soft voice, trying not to wake anyone else in the house.
The second queen has big, bright green eyes. There is a sparkle of wit that Catherine can’t shake her head off. She looks like Elizabeth, the same curiosity shining through. The way she carries herself, as if she still was the queen. The secrecy, how every word holds another meaning.
Anne stood up, going to her bedroom.
“Goodnight Anne.”
“Night, Parr.”
Elizabeth is dead, and they aren’t. Catherine never had a chance to amend their problems, instead she died. Never getting to see Elizabeth as queen was going to be something she would always regret.
The internet said she was a great queen, and it didn’t surprise Parr at all.
(…)
Elizabeth was won over by Catherine’s warmth and intelligence.
(…)
Catherine Parr was never a protagonist, and she prided herself on it. Being a writer was more important to her. Narrators lived long enough to tell the heroes stories. She was observant. Silent, but good at knowing all the gossip. Being invisible was an advantage, it could keep you alive.
(That is if you didn’t die because of childbirth, obviously.)
Even in the play, she made it known. Her make-up in earthly tones, and she wears a blue costume. Blue was serene, trying not to be noticed. She didn’t talk as much as the other queens, relegating her story just to her last verses.
Catherine Parr was a narrator, not a protagonist, and she was aware of it.
That was why, when watching the queens, she felt so inclined to give them as much attention as she could. Catherine wouldn’t write their stories, that would be not okay if she tried to keep the fake peace that reigned the house, but she could surely find striking inspiration at any moment.
She discovered that none of them were having the best time in their new lives. They didn’t treat it as a brand-new chance to be happy, instead they were bonded to the past, to their own time. It felt like whatever brought them back just did it so they could act as robots half of the time, not trusting each other to talk seriously for more than a couple of minutes.
Catherine wonders if the other queens also notice how much she is struggling.
(…)
However, the quick-thinking Catherine Parr managed to save her head by pleading with Henry and persuading him that she had only argued with him in an attempt to help him forget about the pain caused by his leg ulcer and to learn from him.
Henry forgave her.
(…)
They move. Again. She knows it’s for the better, but she can’t help feeling weirded out by the new house. At least it allows them each to have a room of their own, a privacy she certainly craved.
She takes the basement, which is the colder room in the house. It feels comfortable, after all the years of living in palaces makes you feel that way about cold, big rooms. Her bed, even if it is double size, doesn’t fill more than a quarter of the room, leaving her space for a big desk and a bookshelf.
Catherine counts all the books once before starting packing, twice after saving them and another time as soon as she arrives. The feeling that she probably lost one doesn’t disappear, even if she doesn’t know what book she lost.
(Maybe because most of her books are destroyed after five hundred years of not caring for them.
Not like those books are useful anymore.)
(…)
According to Foxe, she began “frankly to debate with the king touching religion, and therein flatly to discover herself; oftentimes wishing, exhorting, and persuading the king.”
(…)
Doing research is exhausting to say the least.
The bright white screen makes her eyes ache after watching it for a while, and her hands don’t work quickly on the keyboard. She can’t even write as fast as she could in her old life, her letters clumsy and often having problems with gripping the new pens.
What makes it the worst, is that she feels so stupid when trying to do it. Languages vary when time progresses, that much she always knew, but trying to read an article sometimes becomes impossible, with words such as quantum entanglement or Newtonian physics. It infuriates her, not being able to understand.
Once upon a time she knew it all, about God, history, languages. But now it felt as if her brain just stopped working. Everything went faster than she could, leaving her behind, useless to a new world into which she never asked to be brought.
Sometimes she hates modernism and its complexity.
Still, Catherine puts on an act every day, talking about penicillin and ibuprofen, explaining history to Anna and focusing on appearing smart. Because, after all, that was all she ever knew. All she ever had was owned for being smart, to know how to play a King’s game, and getting away with it.
If she wasn’t smart, she was nothing.
(…)
Catherine certainly believed herself to be in danger and, had she not acted decisively, it is likely that Henry would have allowed her to be arrested and, perhaps, executed.
(…)
“Cathy, por favor, ayúdame con esto.” Her godmother asks, while going through some files. “I know you were good at Spanish.”
Parr holds a breath. She once could speak it fluently, but lately it’s pained her into having problems with it.
“I was reading this book, and wondered if della and del were still being used? Or is it old Spanish?”
Catherine didn’t know the answer at all. How was she supposed to? If she could barely understand it. She wanted to scream, to explain that she had no actual clue. She wanted to pull away her façade of being smart and just admitting that it was too hard for her.
“I think it’s safer to use de la instead of a contracción.” Cathy says, praying to be right.
“Gracias querida.” Aragon winks at her.
Parr was really hoping she was right.
(…)
Catherine Parr - The Scholar Queen.
(…)
Catherine was a writer, she even went as far as publishing books under her name, the name of a queen, in a patriarchal society.
Catherine Parr was a writer because it was all she had ever done. Every reason why she wanted to be remembered was because she was a writer. She didn’t care about her husbands, not even Thomas who she truly thought she loved. She didn’t want to be remembered as a queen, only as a writer.
(She sometimes thought that if being a writer was enough for her, in that case, she would’ve lived longer, but of course she needed to have a man in her life.)
Talking about her past as a writer gave her the peace of mind she didn’t have for standing behind men her whole life.
Behind a great man, there is always a great woman.
Except that she was behind John Neville, a distant catholic cousin who’s actions ended up with her being kidnapped; Henry the VIII, an egomaniac poor excuse of king who got as far as killing two of his wives (almost her killed too); and last but not least, Thomas Seymour, a power starved moron.
Was she just like them? Was she the only one guilty of her past life? An egomaniac who couldn’t save Katherine Howard? A power-starved former queen who let harm come to her most loved stepdaughter? Or just a moron who couldn’t protect anyone, not even herself?
Catherine was a writer, because thinking about her own mistakes was harder than just doing what she always did, telling other people’s ones.
(…)
Catherine Parr was in fact the cleverest and most passionate of Henry VIII's six wives, says Derek Wilson.
(…)
Catherine wasn’t a big fan of the rain.
She didn’t mind it, and enjoyed the sounds of the water drops when she was writing, but being in closed spaces sometimes became too much, too claustrophobic. She loved walking just a little every day, going to the theatre in the afternoon or to the grocery shop, but with the weather it wasn’t possible.
Usually on days like that she would just get herself isolated from the queens, her anxiety building up as she tried to behave and not explode. Try to pass as if she doesn’t even exist, guarding her feelings and nerves to herself.
She told the queens she would be writing in her room, and to just call her when it was time to eat. No one checked up on her. No one gave her tea, or coffee. Even when the clock hit the time for dinner –she had been staring at it for the last five minutes, hyper aware of the time being–, they called her up three minutes and fifty-two seconds later than what she would have liked.
(…)
In her will, dated 23 March 1545, Margaret stated that she was unable to render Catherine sufficient thanks 'for the godly education and tender love and bountiful goodness which I have evermore found in her Highness'.
(…)
It feels harder on her than the rest of the queens. The feeling of not belonging, of not understanding. Even with Jane their relationship is not close — not that it can be, the third queen always storming off or barely talking.
She feels like an outsider, not knowing where she is standing.
Catherine has always been cordial, but there’s a thought in the back of her mind that says that it is only out of duty. Of an old debt to her mother, and not real love. Even after long talks over tea, and trips to the mall, Cathy feels that their relationship is still empty. Out of place, fake.
Parr can’t help but dream about feeling loved again, truly loved, something that she has not known for a long time. But it scares her, Margaret ended up dying young, Elizabeth had to suffer, Jane Grey had a horrible death.
Maybe she didn’t need their love, because each time someone loved her, they ended up dead.
(…)
Catherine enjoyed a close relationship with Henry's three children and was personally involved in the education of Elizabeth I and Edward VI.
(…)
She enters the kitchen, just to see Anne and Anna with an apple pie in the middle of the table.
“I want pie.” She states.
“Magic word?” Anne teases her, a smirk on her lips.
“Je t'aime beau cul.”
Boleyn laughs, in a way that it makes her stomach turn. It’s mocking, clearly not laughing with Catherine, but rather at her.
“What? What did I say wrong?”
“You pronounced the last part wrong, it’s beaucoup, no beau cul.”
Catherine can feel her face turning red, almost burning. Of course, she was going to mess up pronunciation after years without trying. Now Anne was mocking her, and she felt ridiculed, uncomfortable.
“Why is it so funny?” Anna interrupts, maybe picking up the humiliating situation, “she just messed up pronunciation, it’s not that bad.”
“Instead of saying ‘I love you so much’ she said “I love you, nice ass’.”
Parr chuckles painfully, dreading Anna’s giggling.
“Don’t worry, mon petit chou.” Anne grabs a plate and settles a slice of the pie. “A sweet, for a sweetheart.”
She winks an eye to Parr, easing the air around the writer.
(…)
The dowager queen promised to provide education for her.
(…)
Catherine tries to get it out, to calm herself down after a nightmare.
She takes some paper and a pen, even though it feels uncomfortable in her hand, and tries to write about it. Catherine forces the memories on her brain. Attempts to remember every detail, the face of fear Margaret held, frustrating not to confuse it with the face of the girl dying. Parr thinks of John, of the aggressive men he became.
And she writes messy and clumsy letters, focusing only on what she has to say and not how she says it. Working hard distracts her for almost the whole night, finishing with a good amount of paper in possession, and her hand smeared with ink.
Catherine considers reading it, but ultimately decides against it, walking to the kitchen as fast as she can.
She lets it burn, page by page, word by word. Parr lets it burn as if she never cared for it, something so personal that it won’t be good for even her to read. She knows that the queens will ask the next day, but she can’t help herself to care. She lets it burn.
(…)
She loved fine clothes, jewels and intelligent company.
(…)
Catherine wishes she had a real idea of when to stop, but apparently, she wasn’t born with it.
Most of the time, the queens won’t shush her, instead acting as if they hear what she has to say. Acting being the key word. Once Cathy was so into her monologue, she would discover how uninterested her eyes looked, wandering around the room and just humming in response instead of talking actual real words. In that moment she would try to cut herself short, wrap the idea quicker than expected.
Anna would try to keep up, being amicable enough, but the inadequacy was something the survivor couldn’t shake off. Even when the fourth queen tries to talk, Cathy will already anticipate the truth. She pitied her, knowing how her life was and ended, and it was just a way to show it. She pushed Anna away, not telling her any weird facts. She didn’t want to be a poor fool.
(…)
In 1543, she published her first book, Psalms or Prayers, anonymously.
(…)
“I’m just… so afraid to talk sometimes.”
Catherine thought that, but the words didn’t come out of her mouth, but rather from Boleyn’s.
“I got killed for that, and I can’t help it. I feel like I need to control everything.”
“But you don’t.” Parr confirms. “Also, you can’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“You can control yourself, with whom you hang out, you can control things such as the tone of your words, but if someone wants to hate you, they will. You can’t control nature, not yours, nor from others.” Catherine ponders.
She wishes that she could follow her own advice, but it’s hard. That doesn’t mean that Catherine is not hoping for Anne to do so, to be happier than she is. Maybe that if she can help the woman, Parr can redeem herself.
“Thank you, I think I needed to hear it.” The green-eyed talks.
“Don’t worry, I’m here for you.”
She brushes off the guilt of being egoistic that tries to settle on her mind.
(…)
According to biographer Linda Porter, the story that as a child, Catherine could not tolerate sewing and often said to her mother "my hands are ordained to touch crowns and sceptres, not spindles and needles" is almost certainly apocryphal.
(…)
Catherine wants to give up writing, knowing that it doesn’t feel the same anymore. Everything is too personal, too old, too weird. Old languages long forgotten mixing with new ones, words that haven’t existed before now complicated to use.
Apparently, Shakespeare by himself invented around a thousand seven hundred words. Just by one person.
The idea of the new vocabulary overwhelms her mind. So much she doesn’t know and is not sure if she ever will. But a part of her longs for it, for the feeling of release that writing could sometimes bring. Catherine has faith about being able to be valuable, to tell stories, to do good, to give something to the world.
Parr decides to just take her time, to write as best as she can. She can’t do more than her best.
(…)
Between October 1536 and April 1537, Catherine lived alone in fear with her step-children, struggling to survive.
(…)
“Are you okay, Catherine?” Kat asks.
It was her third attempt at it. Nothing she wrote felt right. There was just so much missed, so much to do. She couldn’t focus on the paragraphs.
“Yes, just can’t seem to get this done.” She straightens her spine.
Did always sitting hurt as much?
“What is it about?” The teenager wonders.
“Just about Spain history, and the colonies.”
“Can I read?”
“Yes. I will make tea.” Parr handles the computer to the girl.
She stretches her spine and goes around preparing the drink.
Catherine is not sure if she would let any other queen read what she wrote. Katherine is different, had always been. Even in her time as queen, even when it all happened. She was smart, but not outspoken. Polite yet truthful.
“It is good, really.” Howard says.
“I can sense a “but”.” Catherine laughs anxiously, dreading the critic.
“You are only taking one side; you should know how Spain sent a lot of people from the church on missions to re-educate the natives. Las misiones Jesuitas. Politics and religion were more connected than what this made it look like.”
“That’s… Very true.” She feels bad about not emphasising it as much but brushes it off for the sake of the conversation. “I didn’t know you were interested in history. It’s great,” she insists when Katherine looks at her with big eyes, “if you ever want to work together, you know where to find me.”
(…)
Her second book was a success and widely praised.
(…)
Organizing was never her favourite thing to do. She loved to be messy, scattered paper all around her. Pens out, in the most unexpected places, just in case creativity strikes unexpectedly. The way her manuscripts could look so good, better now that she gave herself time to practice her letters surprised when people saw the chaos in the one she wrote.
Jane was the opposite, neat, having high expectations of finding whatever she left in the place she left it. She was exigent, hard on herself to be organized, in places where Catherine couldn’t care less. That was until everything became way too much and she had to just clean a little. Parr admired Jane, appreciated how much she did, how smart and balanced she had learned to become.
With her papers settled, her pens saved, she gives a look at her room. It feels quiet, harmonized.
(…)
The popular myth that Catherine Parr acted more as her husband's nurse than his wife was born in the 19th century from the work of Victorian moralist and proto-feminist, Agnes Strickland.
(…)
Someone knocks the door to her room twice, and Catherine gets surprised. Almost nobody came to her room, it being almost the farthest one from the rest of the queens. She also never gave any indication of having nightmares like Katherine, so no one would check on her.
“Come in!” She says, despite her wonder.
“Hey there.” Aragon greets. “I just got Kat to sleep.”
“Another nightmare?”
“Yes, but those are getting better, I think. Therapy is helping.” She explains. “But I wanted to check on you.”
Catherine makes room for her in the bed, which she quickly understands. The divorcee sits in the bed, and the survivor wraps herself, getting comfortable in the hug. It’s familiar, an old memory from court in a past life, but a good one. A peaceful, tranquil moment before knowing better.
“Oh, hermosa.” The first queen squeezes her goddaughter. “What’s going on?”
“I’m just… so tired.” She confesses.
She doesn’t precisely know of what she is tired. The intrusive thoughts of hundreds of years, Thomas and how she was a fool. Of hiding her silliness, trying to be better, always better, but never reaching an end. She is tired of feeling bad, of feeling locked into her own expectations. She feels tired of trying to be happier, to be smarter, to be liked.
And there are so many feelings that she just breaks, sobbing into her namesake’s arms.
“Even geniuses need sleep, amor.”
“Don’t call me that.” Cathy bickers.
“Call you what?”
“A genius. I’m not.” She cries. “I want to be dumb; I want to stop overthinking for a second. I’m not smart, I promise you I’m not but please stop expecting things from me I can’t be a disappointment.”
“Mi vida.”
Aragon makes a pattern on her back, trying to soothe her. It doesn’t precisely work, instead she just continues sobbing, letting lots of tears that she has saved for such a long time flow freely. She sniffles out of pure frustration, of having so many thoughts that she can’t even process them.
“I love you, so much.” She affirms. “You have literally blown me away. I know I might not say a lot, but you were always special, since you were little.”
“Don’t say that, I don’t want to be.”
“But you are, and you have surpassed all my expectations, always. You can breathe now; you get to take a break.” She kisses her forehead. “I love you, and would still love you if you are the smartest person in the world or the stupidest. You are so smart, you don’t have to always stick out, or be good at everything. You deserve to just fool around sometimes, and that won’t change who you are.”
When Cathy collects the courage to look her in the eyes, she can swear that there’s a sparkle of pure love and affection in the eyes of her godmother. A sparkle directed at her.
(…)
Biographers have described her as strong-willed and outspoken, physically desirable, susceptible (like Queen Elizabeth) to roguish charm and even willing to resort to obscene language if the occasion suited.
(…)
She doesn’t know how, but something in the air feels lighter, it feels better. Life becomes easier, the house now slowly becoming a home, with the six queens slowly getting better. Catherine can notice how much cooler it turns out to be once they started learning more about each other, understanding something no one else would.
(After all, nobody else was a five hundred years old reincarnated Tudor queen.)
Parr wishes for it to mean that she could live her life relaxed, joyful. But instead she cries every time she notices how lucky she was, the guilt of knowing that she hurt so many people she cared for. A heavy backpack she won’t ever be able to get out.
She doesn’t think that she deserves forgiveness for her acts. And it pains her, hoping for a reality where she was good, for one where she was just the survivor, to one not full with the tragedy her life was.
Each time she says gold star for Cathy Parr, she feels numb. With a bit of luck, she convinced the audience she merits it.
(…)
Catherine's good sense, moral rectitude, compassion, firm religious commitment and strong sense of loyalty and devotion have earned her many admirers among historians.
(…)
There is a silence, and for a moment they stay like that. But the survivor speaks up: “Did you love him?”
“Yes.” Anne states easily. “Or no. I probably didn’t, and he most certainly didn’t either, but I think we both believed we did.”
“Do you love him?”
“No, do you?”
“Never did.”
“Be careful, your neck is quite delicate… I don’t think it would be hard to cut with a sword.”
Catherine tries to mask her thoughts, releasing a faint “Funny.”
Anne probably doesn’t know; she is aware of it. With all the fake comments about the second queen that were a lie, she had decided to not look for much information about her fellow queens, and Catherine was not willing to tell her about how her life nearly ended. It felt selfish, it was just a close call, not a real one like Anne’s or Katherine’s. Still, the idea of her head being amputated from her body followed her, like the ghost of a broken promise. The thought of her life in danger of ending still at the back of her mind.
“Did she love me?” Anne asks, surprising Parr.
“I think she did.” Catherine waits for a moment, before continuing. “I’m sorry for what I did to her.”
With those words she breaks down, trying to hide her tears. She has no right to cry for her own wicked acts, to be comforted by Anne, but that’s what is happening now.
“It’s fine.” Boleyn says, her voice just above a whisper. “I forgive you. She forgave you. We were different people back then.”
“But I did it. No matter what you say, I did it.”
“And I wasn’t an angel either. I acted the wrong way because of my fears. To gain and maintain power. I’m not proud of it,” her eyes, that until that moment were lost, now staring intensely Catherine, “but if you keep living in the past you can’t become a better person in the future.”
(…)
Parr is usually portrayed in cinema and television by actresses who are much older than the queen, who was in her early 30s when she was Henry's wife and was about 36 years old at the time of her death.
(…)
Catherine wished her story was better, for it to have a happy ending. To say that she married Thomas after Henry, and that it was like a dream, that they had children and grandchildren, grew old together and she was loved until the end of her days. She longed to say that she could remember her baby's face, or her first steps or words. Desires to tell everyone that she taught her everything she knew. But in reality, it was not true.
Catherine Parr never had her happily ever after like a queen from a children’s book.
The survivor indeed never had her happy ending, not even when coming back to the modern times. She still put more pressure on herself than what she should've. Tried to always be trusted, to always be useful and to help her everyone. Pushed herself to the edge, trying to be the best version of herself. Got more stressed than necessary, stayed up sometimes too late for her liking, drank more tea and coffee than she should’ve.
Her life became a bittersweet one, a balance found between her tragic story, the guilt she would always feel, and the chance of a new beginning.
Some days were happier than others, some talks were lighter. Freedom and restriction battling over, but giving her enough cheerfulness to go back when things got harder. Working with Katherine over the history they both knew and missed, discussing the newest scientific discoveries with Anna and Jane, grabbing lunch with Anne and tea with Aragon.
Her life was not happy, but it was relaxed. It gave her the chance to just let herself feel emotions, the good, the bad. To write without deadlines. To be calm, to live this new opportunity fully. To learn about herself, to be the protagonist of her own story.
To be loved.
#six the musical#six fanfic#six fanfiction#six the musical fanfiction#six the musical fanfic#catherine parr
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
My Opinions on The Epilogues
So I expect that this isn’t going to go over too well, whether it be because I get absolutely zero attention on this post, or for the fact that I’m literally typing up what is probably a hate post that’ll spark up some, “Oh fuck you.” comments. Either way, I don’t really care about the possible hate to be garnered or anything. I’m here to state my opinion on this, and opinions can’t kill anyone when you’re as weak at arguing as I myself am. Now, this isn’t a fucking logical article, I’m not taking time with comprehensive research and making sure I fact check every little detail because that would involve reading Homestuck for and eighth time and re-reading the Epilogues so I have the biggest refresher in the world. I’m not doing that, so take my sub-par rambles.
Preface over, let’s get into the meat.
My original thought when I heard that the Epilogues came out was initially an eye roll big enough to be like when Hulk smashed Loki in the ground. An arch of, “What the fuck, Hussie.” In other words? I didn’t want to read them. I spent the first few days in agony, complaining about how Homestuck was probably just becoming a money grab, and hearing from other people about the content that came out.
It.. wasn’t as bad as I expected when I jumped into it. People made a bigger deal about them than I thought was even insanely possible. Let me get this out of the way. I don’t hate the Epilogues. Do I think they were poorly done? Yes. Do I think that the writing was subpar? Absolutely. Do I think that fourteen year olds in their bedroom typing away at shitty fanfiction or roleplaying smut on MxRP/MSPARP have a better grasp on the characterization of each individual character than the people who took over and wrote the Epilogues? 10000%. Still, I thought they were a clever addition to alternate timelines. I had heard from a source they were meant to be a satirical take on fanfiction, and was a mocking poke at the Homestuck community... until Beyond Canon came out.
So here we are now with an 18 year old who’s spent their time on this planet obsessing over Homestuck since before they could read cuss words without feeling embarrassed telling you about how they’re pissed off with some small things that are of no value.
I’m an Alpha Kid Stan(TM) so everything that happened to my sweet babies has made me want to blow my brains out over the walls. Let’s go down the line.
Jane, sweetheart? Who hurt you? Now, I’ll be honest, I rushed through the Epilogues in my, ‘fuck I don’t want to read this but I feel like I need to in order to satiate my burning curiosity.’ mode. Jane’s whole... situation seems really fucked up to me. The color of her text in the EPs is another thing that pissed me off beyond belief, and I’m not sure why. The consistency between comic and canon was draining on my nerves. Jane, in Homestuck, is a whiny teen, but in no way do I look at her and see racist Hitler. Also, what the fuck was up with the clown thing? Why did she have an obsession with fucking Jake? Sure, she was into him before, but wasn’t part of her character arch getting over the buck toothed bangaroo? I thought so. I also thought that Jane was, you know, just a normal girl living her best life. She sure complained, but who doesn’t?? The Jane we’re given in the Epilogues seems to lack the internal dilemmas that the dear, sweet Crocker we’ve grown fond of does. There’s barely a hit of self hate, she doesn’t blow up, and sure we could possibly count this to her being older, but, what? She didn’t seem to be pissed off about the entire existence of trolls in Homestuck. Sure, her time with them was minimal and she didn’t really get all the shit through, but she fought side by side with Kanaya, even. I just don’t see it at all.
Jake. Oh boy. This is a big one. In either case, Jake’s whole thing really bothers me. He doesn’t seem like Jake. He seems like a watered down version of himself that doesn’t even make fucking sense? He’s an aloof dork, but he’s not horrendously stupid, there’s no reason to make him an alcoholic, and why the fuck is he an attention seeking slut? Yes, yes. We could blame this all on Dirk but really, what were the authors thinking? They had complete control over what happens in this and they turn Jake into something he’s not. He had other drives and passions than living out his life as the sexy action movie woman we all need in our lives. Jake’s smart to his own degree, stubborn, and kind of a flirt! He’s not insanely oblivious, either. For instance, I recall a specific moment where he insinuates that Jane was having a wet dream about him in Homestuck. I’m not going to find the quote, but I know it’s there. Jake spent time working on the robot rabbit for John with Jade and outright refused help from some outside sources. Jake is smart! He’s got an extensive vocabulary! He’s just a nerd, and he’s more than an uwu gay boy for Mr. Triangles.
Roxy, oh no. This is where I expect to get the most heat. Roxy is a beloved character. The light of my life and the best of the kids, in my opinion. (I’m an avid Dirk Stan, but Roxy has won my heart truly and thoroughly.) I don’t like the whole trans/non-binary thing. Not because I’m transphobic or anything, because I’m absolutely not. It’s because it feels like it just doesn’t fit with her as a character?? Roxy grew up in isolation in a place without humans, you really think she’s going to have an outright conceptualized view on gender roles and norms? Basic fucking psychology would tell you otherwise. This is something that her brain would have trained her to do based on a societal view. I may not have paid a huge ass amount of attention in psychology, but gender is a thing that’s completely up in the air and taught to us. Roxy didn’t have that. You could argue and say that her house has something of the sort that’d lead her to feel that way, or perhaps she’s learned this all off the internet, but her clothes scream femme and she had to make them herself, is all I’m saying. Again, whatever, go off, make Roxy trans. It’s not a huge deal, but that isn’t the only problem I have. Roxy as a character seems to have just lost her spark. There’s little outright love and enjoyment and adoration for her friends that there is in Homestuck. She’s not your hype go get them loving girl. Again, maybe you could blame this on the fact that they’re all older, but getting older isn’t going to drastically impede your previous personality and make you an entirely different person. They essentially turned Roxy into a watered down version of Dave, but trans. It’s like they couldn’t make Dave trans so they just made a new Dave. It’s annoying to me, and that’s my biggest problem. I love Roxy. I don’t care for Epilogue Roxy. If they had done it right, if they had used specific things from Homestuck, if Homestuck itself keyed in on this or ANYTHING, fine. But Roxy was old enough to question her identity, most people do around 16, and she could have had the opportunity to start representing this already. I mean, who was stopping her? Then the baby stuff. Huh? What? Why? Doesn’t make sense, pass. Her bffsy, brother, and person that cared about her most off and yeets himself from the top of the nearest belltower and all she can think about is copulating with John??? Alright, fam.
Onto Dirk. Y’know what? I don’t have many huge problems with Dirk. I found his personality in Meat really funny, I found the death in Candy absolutely soul crushing. Dirk is a good character. I don’t think they did his personality well, but I don’t think they did any of the characters well. Maybe John. Maybe. Dirk really just sounded like a child who wasn’t getting what he wanted, and it was amusing to say the least. He sounded horrible from the way people talked about him before I read it, but I really just found his overzealous ego entertaining. I found the fact that they made him still totally desperate for Jake kind of annoying though. Dirk broke of their relationship. Dirk was the one who took a moment to realize it wasn’t healthy for either of them, and getting what you want isn’t good. Taking over the narrative and making your ex nearly jizz himself in public is hilarious and all, but also, what??
Alright. Alphas. Let’s move onto Betas.
I skipped a lot of it, not going to lie. Rather than breaking it down for each character like I did with the Alphas, I’m just going to ramble and see where the wind takes. me.
I don’t ship Davekat. I don’t see it working in a romantic aspect. I see them being bros, and it felt really forced in both sides of the story. The homoerotic tension could maybe be smelled for a mile away, but lets not forget something very important. Dave has shown interest in women. Dave was interested in Terezi, he called Roxy and Jane hot, he totally fucking jizzed his jeans for Jade. The fact that so many characters in the Epilogues were exclaiming that Dave was gay, and Dave himself leaning towards the sentiment, didn’t seem to really match up. Dave’s not just pretending to like chicks either, he’s definitely interested in them to the point of being genuinely flustered and embarrassed (I.E The Hot Mom conversation.) So, I don’t really enjoy that. I think the economy shit is cute, his alternate counterpart seemed to have a good hand for business according to the spiel that was made about him, I liked it.
Rose? Didn’t pay a lot of attention to her. The drug abuse shit really pissed me off. Rose in general really pissed me off in the Epilogues.
John is a can of worms. His characterization was done well, but I guess I just don’t see the point in the two timeline deals. Also, why did he have sex with Terezi? Why was he so much of a baby when the rest of the people around him apparently seemed to mature? Who knows. I sure as hell don’t.
And... then there’s Jade. Poor, sweet Jade. She’s been done dirty almost as much as Jake has, if not worse. She has a dick for one. Yikes. She’s extremely sexually driven, which isn’t something I can see for canon Jade who just wants to hang out and vibe. She’s also so fucking insistent with the “uwu lets date Dave and Karkat” shit that it drives me up a fucking wall. Jade, you should know better! You dated an alternate version of Dave! You dated the OG motherfucker fresh timeline bitch who lost everyone, and sure he was depressed, but I think if I remember correctly you know about all of this???? Hmmmmm!!!! Big questions. It almost leads one to believe she’d know better than to enter into a relationship like this with Dave since it could be emotionally unfulfilling. :))))
Anyways, this entire thing is a can of fucking worms and I don’t suspect I’m going to use this account often aside from shitposting, so have this one uneducated article and if you made it through it and agree, disagree, or what have you, don’t be an ass in the replies? I get it, I’m opinionated and should probably shut my mouth, but it’s the internet and I don’t really care at this point.
#homestuck#epilogues#opinions#spoilers#roxy lalonde#dirk strider#dave strider#jade harley#rose lalonde#john egbert#jake english#jane crocker#rambles#controversy#trans roxy#hs epilogue
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
My Ai Yazawa Reccomendation List
This is a list that I’ve actually been thinking about for a while now (like... years lmao). Basically just a few of my personal recommendations of series (only manga and webtoons this time around but I have a couple tv shows and anime that I also might rec in a second list if people like this one...) that people like me that are missing Yazawa’s work might enjoy. The bulk of this list is for NANA, because that is her unfinished work, but I’ve got quite a few recs for her other series.
I don’t love all the series on this list (or even like tbh), but I can see where someone who likes a certain aspect of Yazawa’s work might enjoy the series more than me. I didn’t include trigger warnings because it’s been a number of years since I read some of these series (and some I never finished) but feel free to ask me and I’ll do my best.
Obligatory recommendation that if you enjoy any of Yazawa’s series, you should give any of her series a try. I think all of the series that I’ve read by her are masterpieces in their own right and if you’re missing NANA (or any of her other works) you should definitely read the rest of her work because many of my own favorite aspects of Yazawa’s works are present in all of her work - like female friendship and continuous story lines (rather than episodic).
Feel free to add on with your owns recs... And tell me if you read any of these series!
-
If you like the past/future mechanic of NANA with young adult characters and enjoy unveiling the mystery in Kagen no Tsuki then give Piece by Ashihara Hinako a try. The MC and her best friend have a good passing resemblance to Nana and Hachi, if Hachi were chubby but they have more than appearance in common with NANA’s leading ladies... To say any more would be spoilers! This series also marries some of the messy melodrama of RL with realism like NANA.
Summary: One day, Mizuho, a university student, receives news that her classmate in high school, Origuchi Haruka, passed away. Mizuho doesn't remember being best friends with Origuchi, but apparently, Origuchi told her mother that Mizuho was her best friend. And now, her mother wants Mizuho to help her find the boy Origuchi dated during high school. Mizuho told Origuchi's mother that Origuchi was a very plain girl, and she was never seen with a guy, but her mother told Mizuho that Origuchi got pregnant and had an abortion when she was in high school. Mizuho was shocked, but she still starts asking her other classmates in high school and following the traces Origuchi left behind.
Status: Complete
-
If you liked Paradise Kiss for the portrayal of a bunch of odd-balls coming together to do something creative together and inspiring Yukari with their passion OR for Yukari’s struggle with her mother academic expectations then you might enjoy the webtoon Spirit Fingers by Han Kyoung Chal!
Summary: What do you do if you're going on 18, totally awkward and lacking in self- confidence? You could just sit in your room all day and all night and study and wonder why you never get asked out…OR, if you’re Amy Song you could join up with the Spirit Fingers – the strangest, hippest, coolest (yet most welcoming) art club ever. But as Amy is about to learn, discovering your TRUE colors is about more than just painting.
Status: Complete, still being translated. Best part is you can start reading the series completely LEGALLY here. They changed the character’s first names to more western ones and it’s a bit behind the unofficial translations but I still recommend reading it legally.
-
If you liked NANA because you liked how the Nanas had the same name and had all these other similarities, meeting under fateful circumstances but also wish they’d date then give Lonely Wolf, Lonely Sheep a try by Fuka Mizutani!
Summary: Two women with the same name happens to meet each other when they're at the same hospital for the same injury. They want to become closer, but both must overcome their insecurities and self-loathing first.
Status: Complete
-
If you like the past/future telling aspect of NANA with a large, fully-fleshed cast of characters who are all living their life check out Cheese in the Trap by Soonkki. Sul is a very strong, no- nonsense MC but with plenty of charm with great friends. Like NANA it’s easy to hate some of the more flawed characters but at the end of the day even the antagonists have complex reasons for being the way they are and aren’t just living to be an opposing force.
Summary: Seol Hong is a hard-working student, who has returned to college after a long break. Jung Yu is a senior at the college known as Mr. Perfect. Seol feels like her life took a turn for the worse since she got involved with Jung. Is Jung intentionally turning Seol's life?
Status: Ongoing... I think? You can read the webtoon legally [here] and the translations are being posted weekly still at least.
-
Do you like younger looking characters like Mikako and Miwako? Do you like playboys like George as a male lead but wish he were a bit more earnest? Did you like how Akira and Midori took their time getting to know and understand each other by the end of the series? Do you just like how Yazawa emphasizes friendship in her work? Here’s Lovely Everywhere by Ke Li for you.
Summary: Tong Danwei is a high school freshman with romantic dreams about the boy she is fated to meet. While on the way home from picking up groceries, she runs into a pretty boy, and that’s where our story begins. Will she find love in high school? And more importantly, will any boy be able to overlook the fact that although she is in high school, she still looks like an elementary student?? Follow along on Tong Danwei’s adventure of love and high school angst, with plenty of comedy thrown in to the mix.
Status: Complete
-
If you like the supernatural mystery aspect of Kagen no Tsuki starring younger characters with mysteriously dead-but-not-dead characters, then Route 225 might by a good series to try. It’s by Shimura Takako & Fujino Chiya (Original Story). You might know Shimura Takako from her other series like Wandering Son and Sweet Blue Flower, so you know she is great portraying emotional realism like Yazawa.
Summary: 14-year-old Eriko finds herself left in charge of her younger brother Daigo when their parents suddenly disappear one warm summer evening.
Trapped in a world that is very much like their own save for the lack of their parents, Eriko and Daigo find themselves desperate for the return of the worrywart mother and apathetic father they never thought they'd miss so badly...
Status: Complete
-
If you liked NANA because you liked reading about a pair of women who are very different and yet are very good friends to the point where their friendship is more important to them than romantic relationships (even if they struggle to properly communicate this to each other) then try the short series Tomodachi no Hanashi by Kawahara Kazune (Story) and Yamakawa Aiji (Art).
Summary: Eiko is something like a plain Jane and a doormat, while her best friend Moe is a head-turning beauty. Despite their differences, their friendship is as strong as ever.
Guys are always asking Moe out, but her answer is inevitable, "only if you promise to put Eiko before me."
Status: Complete
-
Did you like how Hachi from NANA kept losing her jobs? And had no luck in love? Do you prefer to read about young adult characters? Even though we never talk about how funny Yazawa’s work is... was that something you really liked about her work? Dame na Watashi ni Koishite Kudasai by Nakahara Aya! Hachi and Shibata aren’t exactly alike but they are both fun to read and get into the mindset of in a similar way.
Summary: The unemployed Shibata Michiko is betting everything she has on her romance with a younger man—literally. In order to keep him happy, she deprives herself of the things she wants and buys him expensive clothing and accessories. Since she's flat out broke, she needs to find a job before she starves to death and loses her young love interest. However, Michiko discovers that the boy was never interested in her romantically. Depressed at being dumped and after a series of unsuccessful interviews, she bumps into Kurosawa—an intimidating former boss she used to dislike.
Status: Complete, with a spin-off
-
If you’re interested in exploring Mikako’s feelings from Gokingo Monogatari when she dropped out of school then Cat Street might interest you. Both MCs find themselves a group of friends and attend alternative high schools - though while Mikako’s is an art’s school, in Cat Street is more of a free school that seems to specialize in drop-outs and the like.
Summary: The story centers around Keito Aoyama, a former famous child actress. Due to a childhood incident, she retired from her career early and withdrew from normal society. Now 16, she passes her days in boredom and without purpose. But one day she runs into a stranger who takes her to El Liston--a free school for high school students like herself, who don't have a place where they belong. Though hesitant at first, Keito decides to enter El Liston and subsequently, she begins a new stage in her life. With the help of her only remaining childhood friend, Taiyou, and her new classmates Rei, Momiji, and Kouichi, Keito slowly finds the courage to open up to others and to accept their support. Will Keito return to acting? Will she find true friends? Love?
Status: Complete
-
If you want a series like NANA that is about adult women who are good friends and roommates as they balance their life with their career, love-lives, and friendship with each other try Tokyo Alice by Toriko Chiya. Alternatively, if you were wondering what Hachi might look like if you reversed her obsession with love with her love of shopping... you’ve got Tokyo Alice’s MC (lol)
Summary: Fu Arisugawa is a little worried there might be something wrong with her. She loves shopping above all else, using her money to buy designer and brand-name items to the exclusion of all else. But while her friends also enjoy shopping, they're all also on the hunt for love in one way or another – something that Fu finds she just isn't all that interested in. When her boss starts showing interest in her, will Fu figure it out? Or is she going to keep going in her shopping wonderland?
Status: Complete, also has a recent drama that you can watch with Prime TV!
-
If what interested you most about NANA was it’s portrayal of the music industry of a new band and wanted more of that then try Beck by Sakuishi Harold. Beck, like NANA, has an anime that while it doesn’t cover the entire series is worth watching or even having the soundtrack on as you read the series.
Summary: Fourteen-year-old Yukio "Koyuki" Tanaka is a dispirited young boy with no goals in life. However, this all changes when Koyuki saves a strange-looking dog named Beck from being harassed by a group of local kids. The dog's owner, 16-year-old Ryuusuke "Ray" Minami, is an emerging guitarist and the former member of a popular rock band.
After Koyuki meets Ray again in a diner, the older boy leads him to his former band's meeting place and dazzles Koyuki with his amazing guitar skills. Slowly becoming interested in the glamour of western rock culture, Koyuki decides to start playing the guitar while helping Ray achieve his dream of leading the ultimate rock band. Together with Ray's younger sister Maho and a few other members, the two boys launch their career into the world of rock by forming a band called BECK. Beck follows the group's struggles and successes as they spread their fame across Japan.
Status: Complete
-
If you like how Yazawa writes her female “rival” characters as sympathetic and likable (even if not everything they do is likable) then you might enjoy Koda Momoko’s Heroine Shikkaku. It’s about a girl who is shocked when she discovers she’s more like the bitchy villainess who bullies the sweet and pure heroine in shojo manga.
Summary: This could be any girl. Imagine being a heroine of a love story. Hatori also believed that one day she would get married to her childhood friend, Rita. But that's not how the world works! This is a hilarious comedy that honestly paints a painful unrequited love story of this young girl!
Status: Complete
-
If you want a short read like NANA, with two very different girls with the same name who tie their futures together then read the one-shot Watashi to Watashi by Sahara Mizu. Note that I’m only suggesting you read this specific one-shot, not any of the other one-shots contained in the collection this one is in... Actually I very much insist you don’t read the first one. I highly recommend reading others’ of Sahara Mizu’s work if you enjoy this one because even if none of them are directly similar to any of Yazawa’s... the emotional complexity is.
Summary: Two girls with the same name; one beautiful and athletic, the other awkward and shunned. But who’s the lucky one?
Status: Complete
-
If you like a series having 2 characters named Nana in NANA (even if their relationship with each other is... entirely different) and enjoy the format of Nana and Hachi continuing to address each other in inner monologues in the future where they haven’t seen each other for years or you just like messy, realistic relationships try We Were There by Obata Yuuki.
Summary: The start of high school life. To the girls, that also meant the start of their love lives. For brand new first year student, Takahashi Nanami (Nana for short), it was no different... She happens to end up in the same class as the incredibly popular Yano Motoharu, who rumors say that two thirds of all the girls are guaranteed to fall in love with. But will that hold true for Nana, who says that if she had to choose between like or dislike, she'd say she dislikes him!?
Status: Complete
-
What was your favorite thing about Tenshi Nanka Ja Nai? Was it Akira struggling with his feelings for someone that married into his family? Was it Midori and Mamirin’s friendship? Try Omoi, Omoware, Furi, Furare by Sakisaka Io. (Strobe Edge also by Sakisaka might also work for you).
Summary: The story centers around Yuna and Akari who have two very different views of love: Yuna is someone who sees love as a dream and Akari is someone who is very realistic about her romance choices. Meanwhile, there are two boys, Kazuomi and Rio, who also have different views of love: Kazuomi's an airhead and doesn't understand the concept of love, while Rio grabs the opportunity when confessed to as long as the girl looks cute.
Status: Complete, being translated
-
If you just like Yazawa’s work and want to read works by a close friend of hers... Yoshizumi Wataru! You might know her best from Marmalade Boy, but she also worked on quite a few josei works about young adults... Like Cappuccino (if you like moving on from a first serious relationship as we saw with Hachi and Shouji), but also Cherish and Spicy Pink.
-
That’s all I got for now... But again... Let me know if you read any of these! Whether or not at my suggestion lol. And add on too! I’ve read or at least tried all of these myself so now I’m the one in need of recs lol.
#ai yazawa#nana#paradise kiss#gokingo monogatari#tenshi nanka ja nai#kagen no tsuki#peice#spirit fingers#lonely wolf lonely sheep#cheese in the trap#lovely everywhere#Route 225#dame na watashi ni koishite kudasai#Tomodachi no Hanashi#cat street#tokyo alice#beck#Heroine Shikkaku#watashi to watashi#we were there#Omoi Omoware Furi Furare#Yoshizumi Wataru#i scream
44 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
lovehardmuscles
Unbetitelt
dr-delicatetouch9000
I just love my sons
rxndomwt-mblr
ha dam
delittle-delana
Think Good Thoughts
voxlore
Buffy