#the site still sucks but like it’s superior to the others
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My favourite thing about tumblr, that in my opinion makes it far superior to other social media sites, is that new posts live side by side with old posts. These days, there’s a prioritization of new content. It not only shortens the lifespan of people’s work, memes and such, but it also devalues the work that goes into making certain things.
Sure, a lot of posts are just random thoughts spewed into the ether, but some posts are carefully crafted videos, photos, artwork, prose, that take the creator a considerable amount of time and effort to craft. So, as a content creator, it’s nice to see that you can put work into a piece of content on here and it can have a life of its own. Unlike other platforms where posts live and die in a matter of day, sometimes, hours
#ramblings#but yeah anyway tumblr supremacy#for now…#the site still sucks but like it’s superior to the others#anemone song still gets reboots and I’m like 🥺🫶🫶🫶
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Still Waters Run Deep
Chapter 1: Apple of His Eye
PAIRING: Eldritch!König x Reader
AUTHOR'S NOTE: As I've said before, English isn't my first language, so this would e fun. Hehe. I'm so excited to share this fic with you guys hehehehe. I'm posting this on both Tumblr and Ao3. Who knows, the story on the other site would be different hm...? I'm not telling when, but hehe. Also, reader is in her twenties, specifically 22, so yayeet. If you don't like how fucked up this story is gonna get then please turn around and go on your merry way. I'll be posting the first chapter here on Tumblr because jesus, my ao3 invitation has yet to arrive. Also, don't forget to write comments, I need feedback because I eat them like it's groceries-
WARNING: NON-CON/DUB-CON, DARK, SMUT, NSFW, Creampie, Breeding Kink, Fingering, Stomach Bulge, Age Gap, Unprotected Sex, Cockwarming, Implied Discharge, Power Imbalance, Abuse of Authority, No Beta Reader, Dom! König, Size Kink, Size Difference, Cannibalism, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Cannibalistic Thoughts, Older!König, Eldritch!König, Monster!König, Masturbation, Dark Romance, Blood and Gore, Violence, Monsterfucking
WHENEVER A CERTAIN COLONEL PASSES BY the soldiers would grow quiet, as if he’s sucking the joy with him and then the chatter would continue once his thundering footsteps would fade away into quietness.
A silence would hang over the air for a brief moment – like they’re making sure the danger has passed before proceeding – and the soldiers would continue to chat once they're sure it was safe to proceed. Babbling away but their voices would be a bit hushed, as if their ears were on the lookout for the colonel’s presence.
The colonel was absolutely – you remember his name being König because you saw him score several shots using a sniper rifle in training – wholeheartedfuckingly terrifying.
König strides confidently across the battlefield and KorTac base of Operations in the same damn manner—Arrogant, egotistical, prideful. The mountain of a man walks in like he owns the place, and troops would be so relieved if they see him in the battlefield because they know that he'd be able to turn the tides to their favor.
And the fucker knows it. He knows people look up at him. Looking at him like the fucking messiah that would save them right then and there.
He relished in it.
And he was so fucking gigantic as he is muscular too, to the point his huge hands could definitely crush your head with his fingers if he saw fit. To say he was a Greek God was insulting. No, he was like Kronos.
Destructive.
All-devouring force.
Whenever you stood too close to him—even tho you recall not stepping too close to the colonel because you wanted to respect the five-foot rule for everyone lest they give you the go signal to hog their personal space like Izzy does—you can see the way his muscles would bulge whenever he tightened his fists, or how the veins on his arms were so… alluring, and holy shit he has scars. Battle scars that should've repulsed you but you find yourself wanting to trace it with your fingers.
His form is almost mesmerizing—like how you'd imagine Fenrir slaying Odin from one of the Norse Myths.
However, like Fenris Wolf, he too was bound and shackled to base. Most of the time, at least. You would see him buried and drowning and several paperwork when you go to his office while Roze waited for you by the door.
And you could see his baby blue eyes squint and conjure a glint of annoyance as you hand him your report. He has pretty eyes, that colonel. He doesn’t speak to you, always uttering grunts or huffs. Dismissing you with a wave of his hand—always gestures but never talking.
It reminds you of gray skies and blue muted waters, and sometimes they seemed vibrant when you hear the sinister glee in his voice of bashing an enemies head open like how watermelon breaks – and then he'd look at you and you'd immediately avert your gaze because oh god that would be so fucking awkward if your superior had caught you staring at his eyes like a creep.
As mentioned before, König is mostly quiet, and you didn't really hear him talk since he never talked to you at all. In the battlefield, when he barked out orders, gunfire would drown them and those closest to him would relay the message on to the others.
Lieutenant Izzy – Izanami actually, but she preferred being called Izzy – always spoke in Japanese, but she can speak a few broken English words. She didn’t seem to see you as a liability, often asking you out to grab lunch with her and Captain Roze. The white-haired girl always made sure you never missed your meals, and if you did, she’d make sure to hand you some MREs for the sake of making sure you’re taken care of.
She said to you once, “Be careful of that colonel, he is… what is English word that for… word you use when object is not good to you—harms life.”
“You mean dangerous?” Roze would correct her. “We really need to work on your English, girl.”
“Yes, that the word I’m looking for.” Izzy would laugh. “ローズ先輩、訂正してくれてありがとう。”
Roze, on the other hand, was more closed off. She was ruthless and strict, but you’re convinced that she cares about you the same way Izzy does because she gets this soft glint in her eyes when you tell her that you forgot to eat or missed lunch. Then five seconds later you’d feel an MRE smacking you on the chest, and Roze is barking at you for being stupid enough to not eat and say you’re lucky that her and Izzy are looking out for you.
But you can tell that both are highly protective of you, like older sisters making sure their youngest sibling didn't fuck up on missions or get hung by their rib by enemy soldiers.
Whenever the colonel passed by, you remember Roze’s words “Keep your gaze down” because apparently there was an incident where König had beaten the shit out of a recruit because the poor thing looked at him funny. Something about the recruit scrunching his face in disgust at the colonel or was it because he had mocked him behind his back?
Either way, the kid was beaten to a pulp.
The colonel was never given a court martial, however, since he had been able to pull rank it seems. Roze was the one who told you during lunch, voice in a hushed whisper.
Then your thoughts wander back to the nightly horror stories your soldiers would tell to one another. You had a habit of visiting them before making sure they all slept on curfew time. It was fun and it helped boost morale amongst the troops. It also helped that you were a younger lieutenant, so you were able to easily connect to your platoons’ humor and quip remarks.
You remember the hushed whispers in the barracks, each of them uttering stories of what König might look like beneath the mask.
You often thought maybe he looks so mutilated that it resembles Nemesis from Resident Evil or maybe Salvatore on the Village Version. But you've seen the pretty blue eyes König possessed and you just know that deep down, he was a handsome man.
Sure, he was old enough to be your dad, had a huge ass age gap that's wider than the forehead of the colonel of the Mexican Special Forces you had previously worked with due to König being forty-five years old, but you'll admit a pretty man if you see one.
However, your soldiers' claims were way more hilarious as they spoke. Each sounding absurd and stupid than the last.
"I heard he has three faces, like the demon Asmodeus. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if he's a prince of Hell in disguise. Have you seen his body? What I'd give to climb him like a tree."
"I could've sworn I saw worms underneath. Kind of like maybe a maggot-infested lower jaw since I heard the skin of his jaw had been burnt off."
"I think he has the face only a mother could love. Men like that exist."
You had grown up in a small town, people believing heavily in superstitious beliefs. However, once you've left said small town, you realize that they were silly things that old people simply uttered into the wind.
"Did you know a psychic said I would get murdered when I was ten?" You laughed at the absurdity of it all, wanting to add some scary shit of your own.
"Really, L.T?" One of your soldiers said. "Oh, this has to be good!"
“Yeah. I remember she was very old, and if I were correct, I think she moved from Hallstatt? Wherever the fuck that is.”
You told them the stupid little story. How you lost twenty dollars to a fraud only for them to say you'll get murdered, and how it spooked you as a kid and made you all paranoid only to realize you just got scammed out of your money.
"The thing that will kill you is hiding its face. The thing that will kill you has its crown scraping the ceiling. The thing that will kill you has sharpened teeth. The thing that will kill you will charm you with its glamor and false promises. The thing that will kill you will devour you with its appendages and fill you with its seed. The thing that will kill you… you won't see it coming."
The soldiers all laughed, including you, after you've said it in the most croaked voice as you mimicked the old psychic.
You've never laughed so hard in your whole life, but you were glad that it was your troops that were with you and not stuck up stoic alpha male soldiers. It wasn't real, but it didn't hurt to be cautious.
All of you got along.
Sure, most of the soldiers given to you were teens – because the military was just hiring eager and stupid kids, and by God you were going to protect these little shits with your life – but it was fine because they had you. For as long as you live, you promised yourself you'd make sure they were all safe.
And you took them under your wing and you feel bad because they were kids compared to you. They shouldn't be here dressing up as soldiers and being sent off to war zones with you. These kids were supposed to be at home, where they could be safe, and worrying about teen stuff. But then again, KorTac was a company at the end of the day.
A Private Military Company—basically just glorified mercenaries at this point.
Of course, they would exploit anyone who is willing to serve for their country while also getting paid generously compared to being in a government affiliated military—Hell, you're here, aren't you? Why? Because they can be greedy fucks and capitalism exists, and KorTac rivals Disney in terms of being a well-known PMC in the military world, and you're broke.
Not to mention that the BAS – Basic Allowance for Subsistence – was fucking higher in KorTac than the government affiliated military you used to serve in. A BAS rate of seven hundred sixty-two point sixty-nine euros for enlisted members, while officers are given the same but with an increased rate of four hundred ninety-seven point fifty- eight euros is better than the current BAS.
You also get the average of six thousand and seven hundred eighty-two euros at an average per month here in KorTac. The pay is way fucking better and you can save up money to the point you were able to pay off your own student and credit card debts and leave your parents' nest since you were basically loaded at this point.
Money was enough to blind you from the dangers that lurked beneath the still waters that run deep that is KorTac.
"The thing that will kill you… you won't see it coming."
“Did you hear what happened?”
“What?”
“Another soldier went missing again.”
Captain Stiletto changed her mags, examining her scope as she spoke to you with a calm voice—as if she hadn’t just dropped the news of someone going missing. Again. You were ready to hear which recruit was unlucky enough to be whisked away and never to be seen again. That or they turn up mutilated and scared, and the poor things won’t even talk. However, a missing rookie suddenly turns up out of nowhere after months of disappearing without a trace was statistically low.
No, really, it would be low—unusual at best.
The best way to analyze it would be using the Bayesian Inference, and using a probability model to express the uncertainty towards the situation. In this case, using a binary variable would be ideal, $Y$, to represent the outcome whether the missing rookie ever did turn up or not. $Y$ = 1 if the rookie is found, and $Y$ = 0 if the rookie isn’t found.
Then assume that the probability of finding said missing rookie is equal to the proportion of all missing persons who are eventually found. As evidence becomes available, then update the model with that evidence and compute the posterior distribution for the probability of finding the rookie.
In this case, if one of the higher ups discovered the rookie all pale and shaking and are obviously had been terrified to fucking death, the information in that scenario could be used to update the posterior distribution, taking into account that the probability that the rookie had seen something scary in that location, if they were ever found that is.
Once the model with all available evidence has been updated, the posterior distribution to make predictions of the probability of finding the new recruit can now be used. The officers tasked with finding them—at least those who hasn’t given up—will be able to find them within a certain time frame or calculate the probability that they’re are found alive or dead.
Just some basic statistics you’ve learned in ninth grade, that’s all. Or at least from what you can remember.
The scar that ran down the captain’s face was evident like the blood smeared in your hands when you’ve killed an enemy. No one knew why there was a huge damage to her face or why it was there in the first place. You’ve only been in KorTac for a month, almost everyone you’ve met have given you warnings and it was all the same—keep your distance from the colonel. You have half a mind to say “Fuck this” but the pay was good.
Not to mention your contract hasn’t been finished yet and you doubt you’d find a good paying job like this while doing what you love.
“Who was it?” You dared to ask.
Stiletto looks away for a moment, before turning back to you. “Private O’Neil.”
Your eyes widened at the information. You don’t know the person, but to hear a private going missing was surprising. Usually, it was the recruits who disappeared for the most part or at least from your observation in your stay here. Now that’s very strange.
“Huh… a Private? How come it wasn’t a rookie?”
“That’s what I’m thinking too.”
Stiletto responds with the same confusion as you, her lips pursed. She looks worried, unsure to react.
“The colonel had been tasked to investigate the missing cases, but even he isn’t getting any answers.” The captain says, her face troubled. “It’s like there’s a serial killer at base.”
“Like playing Mafia, huh.” You joked.
“Exactly.”
You’re scared of what this could mean. If whoever it was plucking the recruits off like grapes were about to turn to privates, then it won’t be long before your ass is on the line. You have half a mind to help, maybe offer your insights on the investigations, but thanks to Roze and Izzy’s advice, you knew better than to get too close to the colonel…
Unless you want to get beaten by König with your incompetency—what he deems incompetency—since he loves doing things his way according to the soldiers who had worked with him.
It wasn’t enough to scare the rookies, however. They’re still chatty and happy, all of them seemed unaffected by these rumours.
Of course, they’d be unaffected, everyone is telling them that it’s just rumours and the soldier that disappeared had simply been discharged for wanting to leave or go back home. There were a few who didn’t believe it, but those with higher ranks – including you – were reassuring them that it was merely rumours.
That they shouldn’t really worry their pretty little minds about it. And what infuriated you the most was because it worked. They were gullible kids, as young as sixteen to nineteen—basically a six to three years old age gap between you and them. They should know better than to believe the honeyed words from yours or their superiors’ mouth.
But could you even blame them?
They’re just kids. You and the other high-ranking officers were older than them, obviously they would trust you. They expect all of you to guide them, showing them the real ropes of war and violence unlike the trial sessions they’ve had in boot camp and the infantry.
So, really the blame was on every high ranking official—including you.
Everyone from being a specialist to the general of the army were losing their shit over these incidents because KorTac was supposed to promote opportunity and valour, but how can you do that if your fellow soldiers – doesn’t matter what rank they are – are going missing like some monster was plucking them off of their rooms one by one or rather off of the hallways when they’re past curfew.
Curfew falls under your responsibility too, sergeants up to lieutenant colonels were tasked to make sure that every rookie or corporal has to be following the curfew or rather their curfew. KorTac had implemented the curfew for the rookies up to the corporals’ weeks prior to your official employment according to Roze.
The last thing the people who called the shots wanted was a widespread panic amongst their troops.
“Do you have any hunch as to who it might be?” You asked her curiously, wanting to know the captain’s thoughts.
“It could be that newbie before you, Phillip Graves, but he’s mostly out on missions. So, that checks him out.” Stiletto answered, looking at you. “Then there could be the possibility of it being Horangi.”
“Why him?”
“He’s too violent.”
“Aren’t we all?”
Stiletto laughs at your response, shaking her head as if you’re being silly. The captain was nice, in your opinion at least. She pats you back lightly like an aunt would when you remind her of your mom when they were younger. There’s a twinkle in her eyes, one where it makes you wonder just how exactly does Stiletto see you—a daughter, sister or maybe a friend. Either way, you were in her good graces and that’s enough to quell your curiosities for now.
The two of you were practicing alone in the firing range. Those at the lower ranks had gone to sleep or were forced to sleep since it was curfew for them.
The atmosphere had gone heavy.
It was light and cheery in the morning, but at night, the happiness and laxness of the vicinity disappears, and you and the rest of the soldiers with a higher rank are faced with the reality that someone was picking off all of you one by one like candies inside your granny’s bowl of strawberry candy that you don’t see anywhere in the grocery store.
You know, the one’s you get when one day you became a grandma – or great-aunt, or even an honorary old “auntie” – and these things just magically appear at the bottom of your purse. The ones that once they start spilling out of your bag, you’ll find an intricate cut-glass bowl or dish in the middle of your living room and your grandkids or kids would just come and go while pocketing a handful of them, and the refill is somehow always in your purse.
Stiletto hands you a rosary from her pocket. You looked at the long wooden beads coated with silver chains and designs before glancing at the captain. You took it gently, letting the coolness of the holy object cool your skin that wraps around it. Oh, it’s a sweet gesture. Now you have something to wear around your neck, a little good luck charm despite the fact that you don’t really believe in God or a higher being. Her head is tilted to the side, looking at you with an analysing glance as silence befalls the two of you.
“Why…?” You asked her underneath the fluorescent lights of the firing range, riffles forgotten at each other’s side.
Stiletto shrugs, sighing tiredly, “Maybe the thing that’s picking us off one by one would be scared of the Lord.”
“I doubt he exists.”
“He’ll save you in your time of need. He answered my prayers. Maybe He’ll answer yours too.”
“What did you pray for?”
Stiletto is quiet for a moment, looking away before looking back at you with worry. She placed a hand on your shoulder, giving you a gentle squeeze.
“That you would still be alive the next time I see you… that you wouldn’t be next, lieutenant.”
“You’re the lieutenant that Horangi had referred to the company, ja?”
A voice says with a German accent to it, and by Mary, Joseph, and the Babeh Jesus what an alluring voice he has. It was low and rough, a tad bit raspy—gravelly. You thought to yourself that if you were Persephone and you heard this voice coaxing you into the warm embrace of the Underworld, you too would have cartwheeled and backflipped into Hades’s lap. Leaving the nymphs and the flowers, and the warm sun to drown in the enticing embrace of the God of Death while he whispers sweet nothings into your ear.
You turned around, half a mind to fuck the brains out of this man until you saw who was speaking to you and all horniness came to a halt as you realized who it was.
König.
You glanced directly at his eyes briefly before averting you gaze, Roze’s warning echoing in your head. You nod your head, confirming his question. You tell him your name and rank, which country you came from, and basically any general information you can tell to confirm your identity. Konig nods his head at your words. His eyes crinkled—was he smiling underneath the sniper hood?—and you can hear a smug tone on his voice.
“Ja, leutnantin, I’ve read your files.”
“Oh.”
Your eyes glanced to the side, seeing some soldiers chattering at the end of the hall. Good. There are people around. A polite smile blossoms on your face, offering it to the colonel – just like you would whenever you bump into a senior officer. Your mind raced why he was suddenly talking to you.
HE BARELY RESPONDED SO WHY WAS HE SUDDENLT BEING A CHATTER BOX?! You internally panicked since he often responded in hums or grunts whenever you give your report, didn’t even glance at you whenever the two of you passed by each other.
So, why now?
“Did you need something, sir?” You asked him politely, tilting your head a little as you crane your head to look at him properly because holy shit, he’s so fucking tall.
“I do, actually, Schatz.” König responds, cold eyes gazing down at your smaller form. “I need your help with a… serious matter. Come with me to my office.”
His strides are big and long as you struggled to keep up with him as he walked down the halls. Your eyes glued to his massive thighs… and oh. The soldiers within the halls part like the sea as König passed by as if he was Noah. They all lower their gaze, chattering going to a halt until only the sound of the storm raging outside can be heard.
“So, why do we need to go to your office?”
But König doesn’t answer, and his hands balled to a fist. You can see the cloth crinkle as his grip dug into his palms, while he ignores your question. Which is, in a way, rude since you were simply trying to gouge out information as to why your colonel was summoning you to his office. You furrowed your brows at his actions.
“It’s the least I should know, don’t you think–”
“Are you always so noisy?”
You blinked owlishly at his words, the colonel barely looking or glancing at you as he continued to walk down the halls of KorTac. Your breath hitches in your throat as you register the slight annoyance in his voice.
He finally looks at you, eyes crinkling as he laughs. And oh god, his laugh. The mere sound of it makes your cheek warm and make both of your lips smile.
“The look on your face earlier is funny, Schatz. However, you’re a lieutenant, no? I’m sure that despite how young you are, you’re mature enough to know that there are classified things that can only be discussed within the confines of an office, ja?”
“I’m sorry, colonel. I didn’t mean to let it slip off of my head.”
You feel like winning the lottery, but the prize isn’t a billion bucks—it’s the fact that you haven’t angered the colonel, and he’s not bashing your head to the pavement or maybe stabbing you where you stand and tearing your flesh with his gloved hands.
You don’t notice the guilt that settles on your face… nor the look of softness and endearment on König’s face as he admires the look of culpability blossoms on you face.
The softness of your face, the way your eyes are filled with such an adorable shyness when you think that he would actually reprimand you for something so innocent. You were so little compared to him too, so fragile… so weak. He relishes in this power over you—power over your reactions and your expressions. You looked so eager to stay on his good side. So eager to please him in your own innocent way. Whether you intentionally do it or not, König is being pumped full of dopamine at just you talking to him.
He's had his eye on you for a long while. The moment you stepped foot on base, beneath the scorching sun of the tarmac, König wanted nothing more than to snatch you and make you his. Drag you away from KorTac, smuggle you to Austria and lock you away in his house by the sea shore, away from prying eyes.
Where he can have you all to himself.
But even his rank and reputation in KorTac couldn’t save or excuse his behaviour if he does that. Everyone would think he was a freak or someone creepy if he were to ever just scoop you up. The way your voice echoes when you bark out your orders to those inferior to you, the way it softens when you talk to your friends – especially to Horangi, and König s gnawing at the cages of his enclosure because he wished you would talk to him the way you would to Horangi.
He wants to talk again without addressing you formally, but he is awkward with connecting to people. Even when he tried to follow his psychiatrist’s advice in trying to open up to people, König still has a hard time trying to initiate a conversation. The words piling up in his throat—stuck there for the rest of eternity.
König doesn’t know what to do with his hands, resisting the strong urge to grab yours—so tiny and adorable—and let his giant hand envelope it. You are pouting, gaze averted to the ground, cheek rosy from embarrassment, probably reprimanding yourself that you should’ve known better.
König isn’t sure if he wants you to be scared of him or not – and he hates that you are the first one to be an exception to his desires, because he wanted everyone to fear him. There is something dark, disgustingly predatory almost, in his thoughts as he watched you beat yourself up, but he doesn’t speak, and his fists are balled up because your voice and adorable face were too fucking much and he doesn’t even know how to talk to a girl in his adult years.
“C-colonel, we’re here.”
You hate that you stutter, but you can’t help it since your heart skipped a beat when you looked up and saw König looking at you with such softness and tenderness from his gigantic height. You had to take a deep breath, shaking your head at the delusion it’s not a delusion, you aren’t seeing things runnin in your head.
No.
That was wrong. That idea in itself would be wrong. The colonel was someone wise despite his violent tendencies. He would never entertain the idea of being with a fellow soldier. Not to mention bend the rules just to risk his position and rank. It would be stupid for him. It wouldn’t be worth it for him, and you just fucking know it.
“Ah… right. Bitte, wait a minute.”
You can see how miniscule the keys are to his hand, his form bending down a little and when he stood back up, he was at least three inches taller than the fucking doorway. He turns the lights on and gestures for you to step in. He closed the door behind you as you took a seat in one of the chairs in front of his gigantic desk.
The desk looked proportionate to his form, and the office chair he has accommodates him greatly and it makes your heart flutter because he looks like a king and all he had to do was give out his decree, and you would be scrambling to do said decree to please him because holy shit something about how big he is, is making your insides churn deliciously–
Wait. Bitch, you better stop. Your thoughts screeched to halt, smacking yourself internally because you’re sure you’re not yet in your ovulation week because you just finished your period four days prior… No, that’s not true, you lost track of your cycle due to the recent events that happened at base. The colonel was twiceyour size, and you’re not sure if you can take him.
Not in a fight, of course.
“So, about the recent events happening here at base, I’m sure you’re well aware of it by now.” König starts, leaning at the desk. “Soldiers are disappearing left and right, the younger ones wouldn’t take long before they stop buying our lies, and we need a way to stop whoever it is that is picking is off and making us drop like flies.”
He stopped, eyes roaming as if he’s analysing you.
“Hase, you are quite the prodigy that at such a young age you’ve managed to achieve the rank of lieutenant, and I am completely impressed.” König says, nodding to himself as if he’s proud of you. “Someone of your calibre would be of valuable help to catch the culprit or, rather, the creature that’s currently on the loose in base and hunting us one by one.”
“Creature? Don’t you mean person?”
“I’d like you to look at these and tell me that a human was behind these incidents.”
König slides you a dossier and you merely throw a confused glance at him before opening said dossier, and you almost–No. You do regret opening the fucking folder.
The entrails of the victims are chewed off and sprawled across the floor, the ground was a sea of blood. Some of them had missing parts, but mostly the torso was empty, intestines being the only thing left behind from the inside of the corpses, and there were a few where the eyes hangs out of its socket and runs down their faces like a veiny egg yolk. You want to look away, but you can’t. Some pictures showed the skins have been peeled off, most had been cleanly peeled off. Even the nipples were intact. Never to this day have you seen anything so horrible.
Finally, the urge to puke tore your attention away from the files, smacking it to the table as you swivelled your head away, and your mouth unhinged as the familiar disgusting liquid of your insides went past your throat. Before any of it could spill past your lips, a bucket had been shoved to catch it. König holds the bucket to your mouth. Meanwhile, you did nothing but vomit. Over and over again. Long after it seemed there was nothing more to bring up, you continued to vomit.
At last, after a good solid minute, you stopped. Tears prickled your face as puke-mixed snot went down your throat. König was kind enough to offer you tissues to help clean yourself up before he hands you a glass of water, and getting rid of your vomit.
“I’m sorry.” You weakly said. “That caught me off guard and I–” The words cut off in your thought as you shuddered as the pictures seared into your head. Well, guess this is my thirteenth reason.
“It’s fine, Schatz. Nothing to be sorry about. It is rare for someone to stomach such evidence.” He reassures you.
His giant hand rubs soothing circles on your back and it’s so comforting that you eventually calm down and catch your breath. The taste of bile still lingers and you downed glass after glass of water just to get rid of it but seemingly failing to do so. Yet it is nothing compared to the electrifying touch of König’s fingers that glide behind your back, passing by the wing ang hooks of your bra. Of course, he didn’t mean to do that he most definitely did intendes to do that because he was just trying to ease you out of your sickened state.
“I’m sorry.” You say again.
The pout on your lips was making you adorable and König was glad he was the way that he was right now. Had he been the same age as you, he wouldn’t have been able to hold back. He would’ve pushed you down on his desk, giant hands spreading your legs, tearing your clothes, while he makes you beg for his cock–
“As I’ve said before, Schatz. It’s fine. We have to recompose ourselves from time to time. After all, we’re only human, no?”
You look up at him from where you seat, smiling softly at him. He was so nice. Your eyes flickered to his neck, and then on to his fingers. Seeing the lack of wedding band on him had you feeling butterflies. Was he not married? Who wouldn’t want to marry him? Was he ugly?
His baby blue eyes—like a mixture of storm grey skies and the heartless depths of the ocean—were a soft hint to the fact that he was handsome. You just know. Unconsciously licking your lips, your eyes scanned him over – in the most shameless manner, but that was fine. You can always chuck it up to you just analysing him.
“Now, Schatz.” His fingers wrapped around you chin, coaxing you gently to look up at him. “Lieutenant colonel Allard, Captain O’Neil, and I will be conducting a manhunt starting at 00:00 up until to 04:30 this Friday. Allard would be taking the North side of the base, I’ll be taking the South, and O’Neil would be taking the West area–”
You paid attention to every word he said, nodding your head every now and then. You kept your eyes locked to his, unaware of the growing tent inches away from your face in your colonel’s pants.
“–which is why I called you to my office.” His voice rips you out of your trance. “I wanted to ask you if you would be willing to lend out a hand in catching whatever it was that’s picking us off one by one?”
“Yes, sir.”
The way you responded with such speed had you internally clutching your pearls. You were so confused as to why you had agreed so easily without even asking for the details. Hopefully, your colonel would be kind enough to graciously brief you and the team before he sends you all out to play limbo with this culprit.
König smiles at your eagerness to help the team—to help him. The younger ones weren’t so eager like you; often having to be bribed with a reward just to help. But you? You said yes without any hesitation.
“Are you married, Schatz?”
“No, sir.”
“How come? Most female or male soldiers your age are married. Why aren’t you?”
“Why aren’t you?”
Your body tensed as your mind caught up with that loose mouth of yours, but before you could even stop yourself the words had already been uttered into the world. Holding your tongue and making you blurt this in front of your superior needs to be fired. Like, bro, pick a different sim to fuck up. Please. You might’ve had the chance to be in his good graces, being offered promotion after promotion because König did say he’s read your files – he’s awfully touchy too, but maybe that’s because he’s comfortable around you. You might’ve had a chance of walking out the office, alive and healthy with nothing but a nod of a head and telling you to be prepared for the operation this upcoming Friday – but now you’ve said those words with such casualness that it doesn’t really suit the dynamic between you two, and could promptly land you to some punishments. You could–
The colonel chuckles, eyes closed as his shoulder’s shook, and the sound of it makes your cheeks flare with warmth.
“What gave it away, Schatz?”
Your body relaxed, seeing he wasn’t offended or irritated by your response.
“It’s uh… um, the lack of wedding ring, sir.”
“Oh? What an observant klein leutnantin.”
He looks at you, contemplating for a moment before König spoke.
“I have trouble finding a… suitable mate, if you will. Mutter often tells me that I’m a carbon copy of my father, which could explain why she’s so distant and hostile towards me. I don’t… I don’t know or saw the need to find a partner until… until recently.”
His gaze lands on you as he said the last two words. You furrowed your brows, wondering who or what could’ve changed his mind. With a tilt of your head to the side, you asked him a question that stems from his words.
“How come your mother hated you just because you looked like your father? You can’t exactly control your looks.”
“Because he was a monster who had forced himself on her, and forced her to carry his child – which would be me.”
Your eyes widened at that. You didn’t exactly expect the colonel to say it so casually, as if it’s a fun fact you’re telling to a kindergarten. You pursed your lips, looking away, feeling awkward and bad now that you had brought up the topic.
“I’m sorry… I… I didn’t… know.” Was all you can muster.
“You seem to not know anything at all, Schatz.” He cooed at you. “It’s alright. You needn’t be sorry. How I was born is something I cannot control, but the outcome of who I can be is.”
König chuckles, walking over to pat your head affectionately and holy shit it has your heart racing.
“Growing up, the children my age shunned me. They had thrown rocks at me, calling me a monster. My mother did nothing to comfort me, dismissing me and shoving a sack to cover my face. I spent most times outside the house, often sleeping on caves by the waters or at the sand by the shore. The lake is something comforting, I must say… I miss it – yearn for it, if you will."
“Lake? Don’t you mean ocean?”
“My hometown was in Hallstatt Lake, Austria.”
His words ring a bell. You could’ve sworn you’ve heard of Hallstatt Lake before. You tried to remember where you heard it, but couldn’t. Oh, well. If I can’t remember it, then it ain’t that important.
My father travelled from the ocean and dwelled by the lakes of that area. Then he saw mein mutter and... you know how that story went. Anyways, I have learned that I am… hideous. Therefore, that is one of the contributes as to why I am still, in your kind’s terms, single.”
“So you’ve never had partners before? Not even… I dunno… doing the devil’s tango? Sex?”
He laughs, shaking his head. “No, Schatz. They back out the last minute.”
You looked at him pitifully. He was a lonely man, wanting to have someone beside him and yet his self-esteem was so low. Maybe fucking him could boost his self-esteem. It’s not like I’m craving him, I’m simply helping. Maybe I could be the first to teach him the intimate touch of a woman. The comforts of the flesh. There was something about damaged men that are just so fucking hot. After all, it’s just a twenty-three years old age gap between König and I – Woah, what?! Pause. Your thoughts screeched to a halt, pinching yourself for letting it wander off that far.
How did it get to this?
How did the two of you get so comfortable to the point he’s literally just trauma dumping on you, and you’re lending an ear to listen. You should be walking out f the door, telling him this was unprofessional but you find yourself glued to the chair, heart going out to König as you empathize with him.
“I may not know what you look like under the mask, but mom did tell me that you can see if a person has a handsome or beautiful face is by looking at the shape of their eyes.”
“Oh? And what have you deduced from just observing my eyes, Schatz? Am I considered monstrous?”
“No, sir… I’d say you’re beautiful.”
König’s eyes widened at your words, his cheeks burning beneath the mask and he’s so fucking thankful that you can’t see his face or what he looks like underneath. His heart thumps louder than it did when he first saw you.
He is fighting the urge to invite you to move in with him to his quarters, keeping you all to himself. König’s sure that his bedroom is way more spacious and comfier than that of a lieutenant’s. The Austrian giant has to physically restrain himself from snatching you, and dragging you into the shadows with him where no one can rip you from his embrace – he can’t bear thinking about you being with someone else.
“Was it offensive… sir?”
“No, liebling. I just think you are blind.”
König would absolutely whisk you away right now. All you need to do was say the word, and he’d be following your words as if they are the ten commandments. He can and will buy you an estate if you want, just pick a place—preferably in Hallstatt, Austria—and that would be easy for him. König would love to just provide for you, to get to go home to someone as adorable and meek as you are – eager to succeed and be praised by the most little of things. You would be protected there. No one would ever disturb you.
His father was never there for his mother. Left nothing to support her other than trauma after he was hunted down by the townsfolk and brutally murdered. König tells himself that he would be different, that he would give you the world. You need only ask.
He understands that being delusional isn’t healthy, and that his psychiatrist would definitely shoot him with a Nerf gun for letting himself descend into this type of madness, but he was old.
And lonely.
And you’re just so sweet and so nice to him, going so far as to tell him he’s beautiful. And despite spending too much time in waters, König drowns himself in fantasies about you being in a giant house, welcoming him home after his deployment, pregnant and eager to kiss him sweetly. You who can be his everything. A cure for his troubles and woes, even though his psychiatrist had severely advised him to not put your partner on high pedestals because it is extremely unhealthy and co-dependent.
König knows he can’t just blurt shit out as he pleases, lest he scares you away. You would scream at him, call him a sociopath – or a psychopath if you aren’t as knowledgeable as him in the department of terms. He is only self-aware enough to know that he can lose you if he made one wrong move.
He’s old and tired. And he wants to experience fatherhood before he dies, preferably having you as his klein Frau. But he can’t rush you. He needs to bid his time. In that moment, König decided—regretfully so—to let you go back to your duties for the day.
He needed to get close to you than he ever did before—needed to work with you to have you close to him at all times.
“That would be all, liebling.” König says to you. “You are free to go now. I don’t really want to hold you up here for too long.”
“It’s an honour to be picked by you, colonel.” You chirp happily, eager to maintain this casualness between you two in hopes of getting promoted faster.
The giant, behemoth of a man watches you walk away from him, eyes glued to your hips and adorable, plump ass. Your frame still smaller than him even when you stood up to your full height. It was endearing to him. Soft blue eyes following your every move, watching you as you give him one last smile and a friendly wave before you closed the door shut behind you.
“I’d say you’re beautiful.”
Your words echoed in his head, making the older being flustered as he ran his hands over his face and sighed. He couldn’t get it out of his mind, and he knew he’d be clinging to that until the day he died.
“It shall be the day that the sun is at its peak when you find what you longingly desire. Once the sky is thick with water and the blood of warriors are spilled, the gods will give you a chance to converse with this creature. You should turn them away. Put them at arms-length, but you are a selfish being. You would devour them, drain them until they are merely husks because of your depravities… I pity this young girl.”
He recalls the stupid reading he had gotten from a so-called ‘wise woman’ twelve years ago in her quaint house at Wolfengasse street. Maybe that völva was genuine in her craft before she left Austria.
#könig call of duty#könig x reader#könig smut#könig cod#konig mw2#konig call of duty#konig x reader#konig smut#call of duty smut#cod fanfic#cod smut#call of duty x reader#bvnnywrites#konig cod#konig x y/n#konig modern warfare#konig headcanons#cod x reader#konig x reader smut#cod mwf2#cod modern warfare#cod mwii smut#konig cod smut#konig imagine#konig x you#konig x female reader#konig x fem! reader#monster!könig#monster!könig x reader#monster!konig
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One Favour for Another
“To what do I owe the pleasure of your summons?”
Draco sat across from her in the private meeting room she had reserved at the Leaky, one leg crossed over the other and his hands folded neatly as he waited. If Hermione hadn’t known any better, it would look as if he were the one to request her presence instead of the other way around. She admired the way his shoulders filled his tailored suit and how his sharp jaw clenched, revealing his inner tension.
“I’d like to offer you an opportunity.” She tried not to smirk at the way his brows jumped at her statement. Her core throbbed in anticipation.
“What makes you think I’d be interested?”
Oh, but she knew him. She saw the way the Adam's apple bobbed in his throat, the whitening of knuckles as they clenched at his knee. He might be all carefully polished lines, but the past few years as his superior had been time well spent. Hermione knew his tells. She knew he wanted her just as much as she wanted him.
“There’s an opening in the department for a position that equals my own. We would work alongside each other, but head our own teams. I think you would be perfect for the role.”
His eyes widened at the news. She knew there was no way he would have heard about the shuffle in management; she had been the only one informed thus far and given a short period of time to make her recommendations for the role that would work so closely with her own.
“Who?”
“Harry.”
Now she knew had him. Harry had been Head Auror for years and was in what one might consider the height of his glory. Hermione’s position as Head Investigator meant she trained many of the investigation technicians below her, as well as the aurors who planned strategies and were first on crime sites. Together, they’d forged an enforcement team with the highest-rated public approval rate, as well as increased the ratio of closed to open cases.
“You asking me here out of office and other eyes means you have something…less than professional…to suggest, Granger.”
And now they were at the crux of their meeting. Hermione had been waiting for this moment ever since she first learned of Harry’s early retirement.
“I’m here to beg a favour in exchange for your name being the only one I offer to Gawain.”
“What makes you think I need your help? Robards already has a pretty high opinion of me.” He dared Hermione to respond, leaning forward for the first time in his chair as if taunting her.
“If you’re willing to give me what I want, then I won’t use my influence to keep you where you are. Gawain might like you, but he adores me.”
The assurance in her voice underlined a fact they both already knew to be true. Long gone were the days of Hermione’s regrettable fashion that hid her curves. She dressed to kill, knowing exactly the effect her tight skirts and dagger-sharp heels had on her surroundings. Multiple of their coworkers walked straight into walls after she passed by, and it wasn’t just the men. Somewhere over these past several years, Hermione had also become an expert at befriending other women, including a previously hateful Pansy Parkinson. That was just her physical effect. There was no arguing her intellect and the respect she had quickly earned both within the Ministry and among the general public. Hermione stood with the world firmly under her stable heel.
Malfoy took a deep breath and held her tawny gaze as he spoke. “What do you want?”
Hermione stood and rounded the table, noting with interest the way he straightened. He didn’t turn his head as she walked behind him, didn’t flinch as she bent to whisper into his ear. He merely sucked in a sharp breath at her next words.
“You.”
From outside the room came the sounds of laughter and clinking glasses. They could hear everything from inside the room, but charms ensured that any sound from within wouldn’t make it out.
“Me.”
He still didn’t move, opting to wait for her to make the first move. So, she did.
Stepping around to the other side of where he sat, she waved her wrist and sent his chair scooting back just far enough for her to rotate in front of him. She leaned up against the edge of the table, crossing her ankles and tilting her head in an inviting smile.
“I’ve been single for a long time now, and even though I haven’t been lonely, I admit to a certain degree of…curiosity.” The smile on her face widened as he licked his lips in an uncharacteristically open tell.
“I make you curious?”
“Mhm.” She hummed in a cavalier manner that completely belied her entire proposal. Hermione knew what she was doing was tantamount to blackmail. She was banking on Malfoy giving in to the tension that hung over them almost every time they shared a room. The man was so tightly wound that she felt this the fastest way to force his hand.
“What does wanting me and curiosity entail?” His eyes had darkened to a stormy grey to match the lowering of his voice.
Hermione bent low at the waist to whisper in his ear once more, knowing full well the low cut of her blouse showed off the midnight green lace she’d chosen just for him. She felt every one of his exhales at her collar bone and imagined his lips pressing into the hollow of her throat.
“I want to know if you fuck as amazing as you look.”
The moment the words left her lips, she let loose a surprised yelp as his hands landed firmly on her hips and yanked her forward into his lap.
“I promise you, I am more than just appearances.” He ground her down atop him with a prominence that suggested she’d be sore for days.
“Is that a yes?” She squeezed his shoulders where she gripped them, hoping with all her being that her play for what she hoped would be the best lay of her life was about to pay off.
Because, truth be told, she was tired of the dating scene, the delicate way others pandered to her and treated her like fine china. She wasn’t some easily breakable maiden, and she sure as hell didn’t want to live the rest of her life chasing orgasms by her own hand. She wanted a man who knew his way around a witch’s body, one who wouldn’t be afraid of fulfilling every one of her fantasies. Hermione craved a mind as inquisitive as her own, one that thirsted for praise and was willing to go to extreme lengths to obtain it.
She’d heard the whispers about Malfoy’s prowess. He seemed just as free flowing as her, neither of them holding to any particular witch or wizard in recent memory. She was positive she could show him a thing or two that he would have never dreamed of and make him insatiable for her. She’d get her fill of him until she couldn’t take anymore, and then she’d cut them both loose. Before the neediness. Before the request for commitment.
“Yes, Granger, I am more than willing to fuck.” He spat the words at her like they were filthy to him, but his hands holding her against him proved them to be true.
Grounding herself one more time into his lap before jumping back up to her feet, she winked and jerked her head towards the door.
“Well then, let’s get started.”
WC 1278
DHRMonth Prompt: Week 2 - Bonds, September 9 - Favours/Debts
Cross-posted on AO3
I tried to make Hermione more sexually confident than I usually write her, since I tend to read more works where Draco is the more experienced one and she's just sort of along for the ride. There are exceptions of course, but I kind of like the idea of a grey Hermione out there to take what she wants, and she may or may not catch feelings along the way.
#dramione month#dramionemonth#dramione#dhr fanfiction#harry potter fanfiction#draco malfoy x hermione granger#hermione granger#draco malfoy
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I'm gonna try to find other places my favorite people here are, that are not X or Tumblr. I'm gonna try to retain my contacts here. But I'm leaving again. I don't feel a need to get myself banned to make some point, and it looks like that's easy to do for now. He wants us off this site? Fine, I'll go. There's better places to be anyway.
But before I go.
I apologize in advance to any Christians who feel unfairly hurt by what I'm about to say, but:
I don't hate Christianity, but I hate being unable to escape it anywhere I go.
In the same way that a Christian atheist may still have a rabid hatred of Muslims, I find Christian and ex-Christian trans women still want our suffering to be holy, to be martyrs. Mostly they don't go running into the mouth of hell to suffer, if nothing else because that'd hurt and most of them aren't that devoted to this mindset; and some of us fly too close to the sun not out of masochistic death cultism but out of just being at heart a bunch of pains in the ass, so I ain't talking about that either. I'm talking about needing to be seen as suffering, as more suffering than others, as a kind of social oneupsmanship. And it's not better to do so in some kind of communion or solidarity or whatever, it's still ridiculous no matter how you do it.
We should be learning about the means of each other's oppressions, to better understand our own, not turning it into a fucking pissing contest.
And I cannot escape these mindsets. I see these baffling crab-bucket behaviors in these shitty online spaces that I almost never see in real life, with real world groups and people, because... iunno, maybe because I live in the PNW and a lot of folks didn't grow up being told that suffering is the highest form of virtue and therefore that if you are not suffering enough then you are not virtuous enough, and since real suffering sucks, it's best to just make people accept that the level of suffering you're going through, which is bad, is superior and unique and untouchably awful.
My friend Michael says it's also kind of a white thing. By creating a hierarchy of who is most oppressed and placing yourself on top, you can make yourself feel immune to criticism, and apparently this is just something a lot of white folks feel they need. Myself, iunno, I'm white too, I hope I don't do that, but I suspect my particular brand of OCD means my anxieties in that regard can't be alleviated without significant therapy and medication, which is not better but it does seem to make me a little less likely to try to put myself on top of hierarchies out of sheer terror of myself.
I seriously cannot escape this shit. I dunno how much I've got to go dismantling my own bullshit, but at least I wasn't raised Christian. It must be so exhausting.
If you see me posting something positive that's happening, believe me, it's not intended as toxic positivity. It's intended as a radical statement that a better world is possible. It's radically asserting that life is not pain, and that our pain has causes that can be dealt with. And I dearly do hope it pisses someone off to see someone living their best life in spite of the horrors.
A car outside our homeless shelter says, "Birds sing after the storm, so shall we," along with countless Christian statements scrawled all over it, and I am not waiting for some storm to pass. It won't pass in my lifetime. I'm singing now. And some of those songs are happy, and some of those songs are angry, and some are both.
If all you want is the aesthetics of suffering or the aesthetics of social justice, fuck off. I don't need more Christendom. I'm trapped in this place, and I am so fucking tired of it. I feel like Shrek yelling at Donkey, "can you please stop being yourself for five minutes!"
#rant#christianity#christian atheists#transness#iunno whatever there's a lotta good people here but i'm taking off for now
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Thanks for running this poll, the results are interesting! It would be interesting if someone made a survey so we could know what type of blogger voted for what option (does a person's ships/the seasons they watched have an influence, etc)
Angel ships: incest?
76% = no, not incest/it's complicated/other
19,1% = yes
4,4%= don't know or just want to see results
Archangel/archangel: incest?
64,8% = not incest/it's complicated/other
30,7 = yes
4,4% = don't know or just want to see results
I wonder what the logic is because archangels are older and more powerful but not fundamentally different from angels at any level right? If one is incest then so is the other
(PS: that person's tags saying the people voting "not incest" did it for " moral superiority" reasons smh... Personally I think angel/angel is not incest, except when it's hotter that way lmao)
A survey would be interesting, but it would probably fall into the unfortunate pit of people deciding against taking it because it looks too long/takes them off the site/etc. might still be worth making, I’ll think about it, never really put a survey together before. (Id particularly be interested in the shipping question. Are angel/angel shippers more likely to think it’s incest? Season would be fascinating too. I don’t think it’s controversial to say that late seasons & early seasons handled angel relationships v differently.)
AND THE ARCHANGEL FACTOR! It is so fascinating to me how people will pick the archangels to be more incestuous than angel/angel because canonically This Is The Same Species. They Are The Same Creature. Archangels just have more juice and more character parallels with Sam & Dean. A few of the tags mentioning they selected archangel only talked about how they seemed to act more like siblings than regular angels with each other. Which. I can see? Sometimes. But then I think it also depends heavily on which angels we’re talking about interacting with each other (like. To me? Uriel & Cas do act like brothers. even their fight is like their re-enacting the Michael/Lucifer debate on their own, though with Cas cast as Michael and losing which! Posts for another time!)
but yeah, how fanon interacts with what canon gave us is always gonna interest me, good and bad. (How characters get flanderized/who gets to be fan favorites/what becomes common headcanon and all kinds of related stuff is! I wish I could study it but alas I am just an idiot with a tumblr blog.)
(I don’t think I saw those tags! Which is weird because I’ve been v studiously watching this post to see people’s opinions. Very funny though, considering the context that I’m also very much on the side of ‘it’s not incest (for complicated Wavelength Reasons) UNLESS I think it is sexy for them to call each other brother while they’re sucking and fucking.’)
#ask#tw incest#look away dev#anyway! I’ll give the survey a think through! maybe add another axis of ‘what kind of character-girl do you consider yourself?’#maybe a ‘when did you start watching the show’ too. I wonder if older fans see it differently than newer ones.
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obviously tumblr is not superior to any other website there’s pros and cons but this fucking site’s name is always invoked whenever twitter is on the rocks and it’s like can’t you just leave us alone. it’s like living on a shitty island and the slightly shittier but still stable mainland population is like the mainland sucks let’s all go to that island.. don’t fucking do that stay over there. it sucks here too
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Twitter is dying
Image Source: Reuters
And on one hand, I’m all for it.
I’ve had my fair share of spats with the site, I’ve even made this Twitlonger about leaving it:
Did I leave? Yes, for a while, but now I’m back. Does it feel good to be back? No. No it doesn’t.
So my question to myself, is…
Why can’t I be happy with Tumblr?
The answer is pretty simple. It’s not as popular.
I would loooove for everyone to move here, but that’s the curse of social media- you can’t use whatever site you like. It’s like messaging apps, everyone in the US uses iMessage- so you can’t “choose” between WhatsApp and iMessage. One choice is wholly superior to the other because of its userbase.
So maybe I’m stuck? Maybe I’m just forced to stay on whatever site is most popular because that’s what the cool kids do?
There is a difference between social media sites and messaging apps. Messaging is with family and coworkers- they might use a specific app, and so you have to use it. In contrast, you DON’T have to use Twitter. It’s just that you might get less traction.
Attention in social media is a losing battle
By rejoining Twitter, I put this claim to the test once more. Will I truly get more traction on Twitter or Tumblr? The answer is- random. Very random.
The same art piece on Tumblr vs Twitter
So, I posted the same piece of art on both platforms- and my Twitter post got 7 likes while the Tumblr one got 3. Why is that? Not because Twitter is better or actually because it had more users- it’s because a friend of mine with way more followers than me retweeted it. But usually? Even if by a few likes, Tumblr would always get me more traction.
Tumblr vs Twitter: Round Two
This to me, confirms a sneaking suspicion I’ve already had- Twitter is more for lightning-in-a-bottle chances if you’re a content creator, not for actual consistency.
But why is it that Tumblr sometimes gets more likes? If Tumblr is so small in comparison to Twitter, then who are these people liking my posts?
Tags.
It’s tags. Twitter uses the tried-and-true hashtag system, where you can add tags as long as they fit the tweet- this system, frankly, sucks. Labeling your posts on Twitter makes you look like a maniac (just look at how I wrote “Happy Birthday #SonicTheHedgehog!” like an insane person), and Twitter today relies more on keywords for labeling- which is a lot less consistent.
This is why, the way you get popular on Twitter is by leeching off the success of someone else. There’s no other alternative. The chance of a Twitter user finding your post by searching the appropriate tag is near impossible, a far cry from sites like YouTube or Tumblr. What’s the difference between Twitter and them? They let you choose all the tags you’d like.
YouTube has like a set limit of 30 or 50 I think, but that’s more than enough to label the video accordingly. Tumblr just lets you go completely insane with it, which is good- because that means more chances to get people on board.
This is just one reason why Twitter can be so frustrating- and it’s forced by the character limit, a limitation so dysfunctional, it causes most of the issues with the site.
With all this in mind, I think my mentality towards Twitter shouldn’t be to leave it- but to leverage the short term, lightning-in-a-bottle successes that may come from it. Yet, I’ll still mostly be here instead.
#twitter#social media#tumblr#writeblr#writing#txt post#text post#fuck elon#elongated muskrat#elon twitter#elon musk#text
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I really don’t like how things are going here, there’s just been this big rush of people coming here, not even liking Loki and joining the Sylki crowd. It feels like they’re trolling, it doesn’t really feel like all of the ‘Loki is always a coward’ posts are serious. Why is there suddenly a massive amount of people here putting Loki down and talking about how superior Sylvie is? It feels so fake.
I don’t actually believe this stuff is being posted by actual Loki fans, I know they have a thing about not being named ‘real’ fans but that’s what they convey with their posts, they put Loki down and insult him in favour of Sylvie …but still want to be named a Loki fan? ..what?
It just feels like they’re all in on it or trying to make a big joke, insulting ‘real’ fans to the brink of deleting posts and laughing about it in private. They don’t listen to the points people make and the Loki tags are caked full of Sylki / Sylvie content, they scream ist/phobic/ism at anyone who’s ‘against’ them… is it all satire? ..is their entire existence a joke against fans?
Oh boy, I didn't know things were that bad *big hugs*🤗🤗
From what I've seen in other sites many of the fans who loved the series weren't fans of Loki to begin with and since the framing was so insistent that he's a loser and she's the bestest girl in the MCU universe then they find it easy to hate on him.
Then those who consider themselves fans but hate on him are the weirdest of them all to me. Sometimes it feels like they think you can only like a character if you agree with the haters (so that you won't be vulnerable for saying you like someone), and there are those who know Loki's fanbase is mostly comprised by women so liking him is "cringe" and so they want to sound like they're "not like other fans".
Also there are many fans who are not even 'character fans', they're 'canon fans'. These people don't really care about characterization or plots, arcs... they just want more content and will defend it to death even if it retcons previous installments or has the characters betraying their own narrative. This type of fans usually get pretty angry whenever they see any criticism.
I guess most people would say to just ignore all that and stop browsing the tags but it sucks that we have to leave spaces that are supposed to be about our favourite characters just because some people are stupid and don't tolerate disagreement. They're all bullies, there's really no other word for them - lots of people love Sylvie and they don't go around hating on other fans or telling them they're wrong or accusing them or misogyny, biphobia, etc, they engage in fandom like any other sane person does. It's the bullies the ones making it hard for others.
So yeah, I wish a had a solution. All I can say is that I understand the frustration and it all sucks way more than it should. My inbox is always here in case you want to vent though 😉
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I quit watching commercial hardcore porn a few years ago, concerned about the ethical issues. I also wanted to see if it would improve my sexual health (I’ve had ED in the past, despite being fairly young). I’m having a much harder time quitting self-produced amateur stuff on reddit, since it doesn’t feel as gross and exploitative. I’m also starting to develop some guilt over having a male libido at all, which really sucks :( TBH, not sure where I’m going with this, but I needed to say it.
(This is going to be a long one. And with some religious talk sprinkled in, as I am Christian and find a lot of my reasoning and strength to fight in God)
First of all, congratulations on recognizing the damages of pornography! A lot of us men are waking up to the damages it causes, but even still a lot of us are in the dark; whether willingly or unknowingly. Second of all, sorry for not getting to this sooner. I hope that you're reading this (If you do, please send another anon ask, I'd like to know).
Regarding amateur stuff. I understand what you're going through. I think a lot of us try to find some way of getting off while not contributing to the industry. For me it was cartoons and drawings, and is still something that I struggle with. I'd share two insights with you. One, you don't know for certain it's amateur the same way you don't know for certain the "professional" stuff is fully consensual. There's production studios set up to seem like amateur stuff when in fact it's no different from the stuff you're trying to avoid, and the only way you might be able to know for certain is if you were in the room when it happened. Two, just because it might not be gross and exploitative doesn't mean it's not denigrating. That's one of the root problems of porn; it takes a beautiful child of God and turns them into titilating body parts to get you off. No care about who they are or having a relationship, just get your pleasure off or move on to the next set of images. And as a freebie, here's a third insight. If you can't find where the sin harms someone else, the one being harmed is you. You mentioned erectile disfunction, being able to fight that is a good reason in of itself. That's not to say you should be guilty about having a male libido. The libido is a healthy and an important part of our reproductive system. Porn hijacks it and corrupts it for its own use. That's not the libido's fault.
In your subsequent anon message, you mention the need for motivation. I think you know the right track and I'm proud of you for it. If you're looking for motivations and resources to quit, I can't recommend Fight the New Drug or Covenant Eyes enough. Both are companies dedicated to combating porn. FTND is a secular group, while Covenant Eyes is Christian based. Both offer free articles and resources to learn about the costs, hear accounts of victims and fellow fighters, and suggestions on how to quit yourself. Covenant Eyes also offers a paid service that blocks a lot of the bigger porn sites and watches for other material (all run through a VPN to keep things secure). It can be shared via email with an accountability partner (they don't have to pay). FTND offers a similar service for free, but I don't have experience with that. Accountability software is not airtight, but it's a good tool in your arsenal.
A few final thoughts.
1. This is going to be a tough and long struggle. Some studies have found that pornography can be as addicting as crack cocaine. And unlike crack, you don't have to go into an alley and slip a shady figure a hundred bucks for a few grams; you just have to type into the search bar. Chances are you're going to be struggling with this in some form for the rest of your life on earth, just like a recovering druggie or alcoholic. It sucks, but the end result is going to be better. Being able to look upon others as more than the sum and sexiness of their parts but as living breathing individuals is superior to anything porn can offer.
2. As a followup to 1, you are going to stumble. You're going to get complacent, or have a bad day and feel you deserve a break. And when you're finally done, there's a good chance you're going to feel dirty and disgusted with yourself. Be ready to hold yourself accountable, but be ready to forgive yourself as well. Holding it all in is just going to send you into a spiral of hate and self loathing. Repent, be washed clean, and move forward.
3. Neuroplasticity. It's the concept of your brain creating ruts as you repeat similar processes and actions, especially if powerful hormones are released at the time (like those at climax). It's what causes porn to be so addicting, but is also your way out. In avoiding pornography, you create new ruts in your mind. Getting out of the rut your in will be hard at first, but the more you do it the easier it gets over time. Find something you can do when you feel yourself getting into an old rut. It could be a different activity away from the tempting situation, or some mantra to run through and remind yourself what to do (I can recommend some bible verses if you're interested, as well as oddly Bioshock's "A man chooses a slave obeys". That one helped me early on before I got verses to memorize, and I still use it from time to time).
4. Get accountability. The first thing our enemy wants us to do is to go at this fight alone. There's a reason alcoholics anonymous exists. Get someone you can trust to hold you accountable. If you're religious, sit down with your pastor, priest, rabbi, whoever it is. Chances are they will have resources to help you and could be your accountability partner, or failing that know someone who could. And don't isolate yourself from others. Get good relationships with other men and women, especially platonic ones.
5. Cold Turkey. Don't hold anything back, In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said that if our eye or hand causes us to sin, we're to gouge and cut them off. I'm not saying to blind and emasculate yourself, but what he was getting at is the steps we should take to fight our sin. If Reddit is a weak point for you and you can't stop yourself from going to subreddits where you can see pornography, you might need to cut Reddit out of your life; or at least off of devices and locations you find yourself tempted. I've deleted Tumblr off my phone multiple times for the same reason; It was a weak point at that time and needed to go. If you hold something back, the problems will not be resolved. It's like continuing to view amateur stuff; you're not eliminating the problem, just using a different flavor of it.
That's about all I got right now, but if you'd like to continue this train of thought I'd be happy to. It's important to talk about our struggles, especially in a world that says guys should be stoic and not complain. It's also important to bring to light the damages that porn has on everyone involved. What you described in the second anon post as a sob story is similar to what I went through, as well as millions of others. It's not a sob story, it's a desire to change and frustration at facing a powerful enemy. I hope that I was able to do this justice after starting on this at 10 PM and working for about 2 hours. In any event, I will be praying for us both tonight, anon. May we both have a good night and day tomorrow free from pornography.
#antiporn#resources#anitporn resources#covenant eyes#ftnd#fight the new drug#papa kilo lima#long post#If anyone wants to add on feel free#I keep trying to edit and add and it keeps getting longer and I have work tomorrow#Should I use one of the new content warnings on this?#Everyone should know about the harms of pornography but it does also deal with some heavy themes#I'll leave it as is for now#too late at night to worry
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[VENT;こだわり;жалуется] Sims 4 Community and Willful Multibillion $$$ Corporate Dicksucking (like a parasitic relationship)
Ah-ah-ah hot sims 4 takes from Hell's truly
The only reason people are cockriding EA (yes, this is Electronic Arts, stop thinking they're "the Sims team 🥺" and not EA employees hired by EA, the greediest, worst gaming publisher on Earth, thanks.) because they don't care about mod and CC authors and only want your CC and nothing else.
Consider this: even if Electronic Arts never expressed their thoughts on paywalled fan content (because I promise, they do not want players profiting more than them they, and a bunch of other huge gaming publishers proven that with other situations) you'd still treat CC authors with contempt because it was never about the TOS, it was about the fact that they create content you want. You're doing it more so because you go that good ass greedy corpo who's using y'alls distain for their benefit but you don't see it (or don't want to) because they're validating your beliefs.
No, you don't care about mod authors or custom content creators. Nor do you care about "upholding this glorious companies' TOS that is their to protect EVERYONE! 🤓" lmfao. Nigga you are only interested in the content they create. That's why you treat them as if they're dirt under your fingernails. Think about it. That's why you side with anti-Patreon sites, who don't only hate Sims CC behind Patreons but Patreon users in general, which include other uses (artists, writers, video creators)
When they justify slander and harassment on .package files, the Sims community reveals its entitlement.
To be honest, you don't care about EA's TOS because nobody cares about EA, nobody, not a single EA IP's player base (from 2K, FIFA, Madden, Apex). Especially people who already hate EA.
You just want that sweet, sweet CC and despise having to wait or pay for it. Oh and I get it, you don't have the money, you don't feel like having to wait you want that cute dress in your game now. But you just don't want to admit it because you are so (for whatever reason) desperate to seem like a "morally superior nigga" and dickride EA because they validate your bias (but not for your best interest, for theirs, because again: No company wants to stomach the fact that you, a non-employee, is making the equivalent of one of their shitty broken-on-launch DLCs every other month (minus Patreon's 8% cut) without them interfering)
Anyways; Stop calling CC (former or current) "money hungry", "selfish" and "greedy" for only charging basically $7+ for a custom outfit while sucking the dick of a multibillion dollar company that milks your wallet $900+ for a boring ass game and it's DLC that works 90% of 50% of the time but oh it's okay because you're not gonna get mad at that for more than a day because you're too busy getting mad a self-made modders rather than the company that's openly scamming you and have been for damn near 10 years now.
_________🌸_________
Listen, to CC authors who don't want their work being tossed around by shady niggas (possibly dropping malware in your work yes that has happened in other communities look it up), and you want tighter control to limit that. I already wrote up a method. It's quick because the one I'm working on isn't finished yet.
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i try my BEST not to let fandom get in my way of how i view ships bc i always see ships in a non canonical way. so if you want you can fold a ship into whatever way you want whether its aus, fix it fics, or whatever. i especially try not to let the popularity of a ship get in the way of how much i like a ship, im very fond of rarepairs and crackships but i dont consider myself someone who cant bring themselves to like popular ships or even brags about liking.. ANYTHING that isnt mainstream
but there comes a POINT where when ALL of the content you see for a character youre fond of is ABOUT A SINGLE SHIP that you start hating the ship and maybe even the other character involved. it hurts even more when its a ship you fell out of love with.
yes, im talking soudam AGAIN bc kazuichi has rotted my brain so badly that i feel like i cant even go a single day without thinking of him, AND I BARELY EVEN INTERACT W/ THE DR FANDOM ANYMORE. one of my ocs was just a genderbent au i made of him that looked distinct enough i just took it and ran. thats how bad it is. (tbh i do just like the color pink and... sharp.. teeth.. so thats probably why. hes pathetic too which just makes it x2 as good)
look, i dont think that ppl who ship soudam are inherently bad ppl. i dont really care about what ppl ship as long as theyre 1) not shipping real ppl and 2) not shoving it in other peoples faces. and i dont see any soudam shippers directly doing that. i was a soudam shipper, and honestly, i can see why ppl ship it. its an interesting dynamic.
bbbutt.. i dont ship it! i personally dont care for it anymore, or even just general dr stuff. i should probably get into dr stuff more sense i feel like other than skullgirls and cookie run, im a bit lost when it comes to fandoms nowadays. but i still really like kazuichi and, by extension, sonia and their ship sounia. so every now and then i look for content abt them whether its for comfort or horniness, or just bc i want to. and a big theme i see is soudam. everywhere. its not unbareable especially on a site like tumblr where i can block certain tags and words. but even with that blocking, soudam can still clog it up meaning its harder for me to find content i like.
its even worse when some of that content is intentionally made to spam tags. an example would be what happened on instagram a while back, im not sure if that many other people noticed it, where ppl would spam dr ship tags with things such as “hey ur ship sucks xoxo”, feet, and in the worst case scenario, gore and self harm.
its even worse (take a sip everytime i say that) when you bring in stuff like antis and proshippers which, IS A CAN OF WORMS I DO NOT WANT TO GO INTO. i dont use either label, i hate antis but i really fucking hate proshippers. which is why i dont like ppl labeling all sounia shippers as proshippers because.. no. no i am not. you cant dictate what side someone is on in a silly shipping war based of a single thing they like. i know damn well there are sounia shippers who are proship, anti, somewhere in the middle, and the same can be said abt soudam shippers. which is why i hate how soudam shippers are seen as morally good and sounia shippers are seen as gross. i just wanna see some pathetic lil guy try and fail to woo a girl, i dont wanna argue about what ship is superior. neither are illegal, so they are both equal.
in conclusion; there are and will be a lot of soudam shippers. i dont care. i just want to be left alone, but soudam is hard to ignore. dont try to call any soudam shippers poopyheads, lets all just try to be nice and respect one another. sorry if this seems like a hate rant, because it is. i am frustrated. didnt mean for this to become an 8 paragraph essay, but thats just what happened.
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Making High Fantasy Settings More Internally Consistent (Part 2)
When last we spoke, I talked about how having widespread magic in the world should really have more of an impact on the day-to-day lives of common people. If it is abundant and easy enough to enable the magic of common low level adventurers, it should end up impacting absolutely everything. But what if we don't want that? What if we want a world of abundant magic and adventure, but where day-to-day life isn't as thoroughly suffused with magic and spellcasting? We need a reason intrinsic to the setting.
Also, where do all of these dungeons and sites of adventure come from? Why are they simultaneously ancient, but full of exactly the same technology level as the player's current civilization? Why doesn't technology ever advance (beyond the era of plate armor and very primitive firearms) if most people don't have access to the magic that might replace technological innovation (not that I think the presence of magic actually justifies total technological stagnation)?
The best explanations serve both problems.
Why Don't Most People Have Magic?
What we need to build an internally-consistent high fantasy world with limited magic for most people is some kind of normalizing force or limiting factor. My favorite explanations support multiple parts of the world's fiction, so those will be ranked more highly.
Some People (the Player Characters) are Just Special
I am opposed to the "only people with special ancestry/blood/destiny" as an explanation for limiting magic, especially in D&D style worlds with multiple types of spellcasters (it is okay if it is just one of many paths to magic), so we'll ignore the "every adventurer is super special, not like all these non-important people doing the farming and inn-keeping" explanation. That explanation sucks and makes it super easy to justify mistreating NPCs and generally supports eugenicist views where some sorts of people are inherently more valuable and should be superior to other sorts of people.
This explanation also doesn't do anything to justify the classic sites of adventure or the problem of why those places contain the same sorts of gear you could get from your own contemporary civilization.
Magic is Tightly Regulated or Restricted
This is a slightly more attractive explanation for why magic doesn't proliferate throughout populations: some cultural authority or authorities tightly police how and where magic is used, generally for selfish or superstitious reasons. These authorities might be dominant religious structures (we'll get to actual gods a little later), or guilds, or powers of the state. In any case, they forbid most people from using magic, and punish anyone they find using it in a way they don't deem appropriate.
No credible institution in a high fantasy setting would fully ban magic, even among their own enforcers. That would just make their entire society deeply vulnerable to any wielders of magic, in addition to barely working in the first place. So perhaps the player characters are among the few who have dispensation to use magic, or are on the run from those authorities, or even bridge that divide with some choosing to look the other way for the rule-breakers in their midst.
Of course, restrictions like this in a D&D-style world where magic doesn't come with actual inherent costs or drawbacks (apart from maybe some spell component costs), no authority would be successful in fully banning it. People would still trade in illicit magic and knowledge, and the places further from the centers of power would have the most - even looking like the societies in the previous post at the most extreme. It is just too beneficial for people to actually abandon.
This explanation also doesn't help us sort out the problem of technological stagnation and locations of adventure. It might suggest things like abandoned fortresses or structures built or used by those who disobeyed the social order and used magic anyway, but if they fell at the hands of the social authorities, it would make sense for most of their magical guff to get scooped up by those some authorities. Doesn't leave as much room for monsters and treasure.
The Gods Hate Magic
Here's the first explanation with real, broad explanatory power, but also resulting teeth for a setting. Here, the powers of the society (state, religions, guilds, etc) may be pro- or anti-magic as a matter of policy or position, but the gods actively interfere in the development of human society and the spreading of magic. The gods may be jealously hoarding their power or working to prevent mortals from ascending to challenge them, but whatever their motivation and whatever they say to their followers, they actually work to limit how magic is spread and used.
Their work might involve sending monsters to destroy or to guard magic items or places, interfering with the operation of magic itself such that only limited sorts or small amounts that escape their notice can be safely used, or employing natural disasters or other powers to disrupt and destroy societies that adopt magic too broadly and magic-users that get too strong.
From the outside, this will look like most any D&D style society where most people don't use magic for their mundane day-to-day needs, but there might be superstitions about why not. Monster attacks on outlying farms where the farmer and his children used magic to make their chores easier and their crops more abundant, or floods striking cities that try their hand at enchanting whole streets or wagon routes for easy travel.
Now magical ruins exist because those places were struck down by the gods, and many of them may have the same sort of technology as the players' current civilization because the gods operate a cycle where they become jealous and fearful of the mortals and periodically wipe away all civilization - the dungeon you adventure in is the monster-infested ruin of a previous civilization destroyed by the gods for becoming "too advanced". The fact that it looks just like yours should, in fact, be concerning - no matter how benevolent the gods claim to be.
This explanation covers both angles pretty well. I like it quite a bit, but it has two minor problems. First, it requires that all the gods be involved in this conspiracy (though maybe not willingly), and thus rules out most actually benevolent deities. It also naturally warps most long term campaigns into "Man Vs Gods" in a quest to save their civilization from destruction by the gods at its core.
In part 3, I'll talk about my current favorite solution to this issue, which doesn't necessarily warp every campaign into one specific story arc or completely re-cast the personality of whole pantheons.
Do you have any favorite setting tropes or lore that help explain why magic is or isn't widespread? I'd love to see others that I haven't encountered!
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does ami still know how to use tumblr?
i figured i could start journaling again. tbh i always liked long-form journaling a lot more than short-form blurbs and updates. twitter is more for memers, or people who like to make big, bold statements. i like to flesh things out, or think in pointless circles, which usually means 10-tweet threads no one asked for cluttering up their timelines. my posts aren't funny, or entertaining. i feel like i come off as really annoying on twitter. which for a long time has sucked and made me use of the site unpleasant. especially since it seemed like the last one left. but with twitter falling, where else is there to go?
i wish we could just bring back livejournal. i feel like the way hey separated things into communities--so you weren't forced to get annoyed over memes that aren't even for you in the first place, or diatribes about ships that are only logical and enjoyable to the people who ship them--was sincerely superior. i miss it. sadly, i don't know if it will ever come back since social media prioritizing engagement means the more people who see something, the better--even more so if it starts a fight because that will mean even MORE engagement, and even MORE clicks, and the cycle just keeps going.
tbh, for a couple years now i've been thinking it would, mentally, be so much better for me if i just quit social media. then i wouldn't have to see my friends' super exciting lives while i'm sitting home alone for the nth weekend in a row. it would mean less comparing myself to other people. more time to spend on doing things that would actually better my life. but it's a scary thought. because i'm so used to social media, so used to relying on the constant presence of others, would i still reach out to people? do i even know how to reach out to people anymore, without just screaming into the void that is twitter and hoping someone hears? will everyone forget i ever existed if they no longer see my tweets? or, worse, will they actually be glad i'm not on their feed anymore? would leaving social media just mean i'm alone from here on out?
idk. this is the dumb shit that haunts me. i grew up on the internet and on social media--was a part of the first generation to do so--so it's hard to envision my life without it. (really, social media is probably why my ability to reach out to others is so stunted...) plus, as an otaku, you kind of need social media to connect to others who share your interest. at least, you do if you're not an intensely outgoing extrovert. which i am most definitely not.
going to the genshin concert made me long so much for at least one actual flesh-and-blood friend who would want to go with me to stuff like that. i had so many feelings and thoughts that i just stewed over the entire walk back to the station, and then the hour and a half train ride home. all around me were people discussing it excitedly during every intermission, but i just kinda sat there and stared into space, listening to everyone around me talk, taking in all their thoughts and feelings and not being able to share any of my own.
i'm not someone who minds doing things alone. i think because of who i am, and the life i live, and the illness i've been dealt, i couldn't survive if i wasn't willing to do things alone. i feel like maybe that's a very lonely thing to say, and a very lonely way to think, but it's just my reality. i decided to abandon my entire life in the states where i already didn't have a ton of friends, and i came to a place where most of the people are just as shy and unwilling to reach out to strangers as i am. plus i continue in this limbo of moderately-okay-but-not-great japanese, at the level where you plateau if you don't speak much. and i don't speak much. i have a lot of trauma around speaking. it takes a very safe atmosphere to coax it out of me.
i was considering starting a journaling style that i saw recommended, where rather than writing, you record yourself speaking your thoughts and feelings. and while i know that would probably be very therapeutic and helpful for me in the long run, i haven't been able to bring myself to do it. in a book i've been reading lately, "the body keeps the score" by bessel van der kolk, he discusses how trauma freezes the part of the brain that processes language, and makes it hard to actually discuss what you're feeling. that's always been a problem for me. i don't want to talk about things. i don't want to put certain feelings and thoughts into the world. i don't even know how. not even to my phone in the privacy of my home.
but i do want to try it, if i can get myself to that point. i really do want to get better. i want so badly to stop being afraid of everyone in my life, of being abandoned by them, or being hated by them if i open up and show them the worst of me. if i admit how lost and sad and trapped i feel a lot of the time. i feel like i look like such a negative person, such a bitchy and whiny sadsack of a human, but it's because i'm afraid of everything. i'm like that annoying small dog that's so afraid you're going to kick it and so it makes itself as unpleasant to be around as possible so you just leave it be. if no one likes me, if everyone just leaves me alone, i'm safe. i can't be hurt anymore.
for how sad this journal entry comes off, though, i feel like i've been in an okay place mentally lately. the fact that i've been going out and doing stuff again is a sign of that. for a long while i remembered the first year i was in japan, how excited i was to go out and just do things, even if i had no one to do them with. but sometime around covid, that started slipping away--i stopped leaving my apartment until i was invited out, and stopped going to restaurants and shops and events unless someone would hold my hand. but i'm finally in a place where i feel like i've started to rebuild a bit.
i've been thinking a lot lately about what my priorities are, and what i can do to achieve those things, so i can have some semblance of peace and stability in my life. and right now, i feel like i want to just prioritize the idea of feeling good about myself and good about my life. i worked so hard to get to where i am now, and it feels like such a waste to be living it miserably. and while part of me can't help but feel like being miserable is just the hand i was dealt with my anxious, weird brain, i want to try to do something about it. i don't want to just continue to be sad about things and let those things fester even if they're things that can be changed.
so for now, i'll change the things that are in my power to change--my diet, my sleeping habits, getting enough exercise, doing more of the things i enjoy, cutting out more of the things that make me miserable (no matter how fun and addictive they seem in the moment...), and just being kinder to myself if i fail in any of those at any given moment. i want to feel like i am some power over my life again, however little.
anyway. now that i've made myself cry writing this, i need to run to the store. but it truly is therapeutic to actually type all this out. i enjoyed it. i missed journaling. i'll have to do this more often.
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Anime spoilers on Akiba Maid War (some, I didn't put everything 🙃)
My thoughts
At first I was like great comedy anime? Why not, let me give a try also for some reason I misread War for bar.
Bruv, what the actual Fuck?! I'm confused
At first when I started watching it the only genre it was under was comedy but that was wrong. The site has probably added a few more as of now.
Between blood baths, competitions, murder in broad daylight, torture, corruption and intimidation(yes I left a few out) I feel like it wasn't tagged appropriately
The manager is so useless. I never thought that I would call a character like this but whatever. She always ran away when trouble came up or without a second thought she would sucks up her superiors. Like ma'am showcase some dignity, your employees are watching.
The Maid that had gyaru make up on, chef's kiss! When the kemono land group tried to change her, I was like good luck with that.
The ramen shop owner got dragged into this mess 😤 I want to smack that stupid ass bitch and the lack whatever she got going on
Now, Nagomi (who isn't even of age, legislation has severely changed so whatever 🤗) decided to work at a maid I'm like okay should be fine she will succeed but it was too good to be true(why didn't this girl quit it, she lost precious friends while doing this but hey that was a sign for me)
Ranko san my favorite character by the way dies tragically.
That other brute that hammered people with a baseball bat!? You're doing too much, she got what she deserved anyway.
Ranko san would have married her faithful client dammit stupid panda, I was so mad( her faithful client being voiced by one of my fave seiyuu's of all time Suwabe Junichi-san, yessir 🤭 I'm a case 😂 smh)
And last but certainly not least Nagomi becoming ranko san number 2 minus her great abilities, murderous intent and ability to walk(not a pun, it's serious here)
Learning the panda's indentity is unsettling for the rest of the anime. I was deadass like leave, you only bring about chaos wherever you go. Why was this character made the Real MVP killing that nefarious woman Japanese spear style(you will get that joke once you watch it )
Tontokoton cafe 4life! Buta wa saiko dayo!!
It was a great anime!! If you like violence, corruption and cute maids then this is for you! It's wild still.
Sadly, this is only an anime though 🙄😭 I was in pain when I couldn't find the manga!
Sidenote: since I recently learned that Japan is ruled by libra and aesthetically talking it makes so much sense. Now I have to find a documentary about it to feed my ever growing curiosity
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Okay I need to vent about something for a second and I'm putting it under a read more so you can all just ignore it. Really. Ignore this. It's about the updates to the site that Tumblr has announced via the changes page like this and specifically about gifmaking on this site.
So first is this that the changes blog shared here
I got so excited when I saw this on the changes page! Finally I can rearrange my gifs when uploaded using the fucking beta editor which I hate so much! I much prefer using the original editor. It's faaaar superior. Better photo/gif arrangement and it doesn't break up everything into separate blocks making it impossible to select a large portion of text to copy or delete. The beta post editor makes it so you have to it one block at a time and I fucking despise it. But if I don't use the beta editor to post my sets then I can't use the edit button on mobile and sometime (a lot of times) I need to do that.
But I digress. Anyways, I checked it out and yes I can now upload all my gifs at once and rearrange them but my god it is the most un-userfriendly version ever! It still sucks so much! When you select a gif to move it stretches out the set and then you can't even tell where it is you're putting the gif you are attempting to move. And it doesn't always work properly and sometimes it just fucks everything up. It's so frustrating!!
So I still despise the beta post editor and then, while super annoyed by this still, Changes posts this:
I am irrationally upset about this.
Why is tumblr continuing to make things 10x harder for gifmakers on this fucking site!? I do not want my gifs to be forcibly changed to looping mp4s. I work hard on my gifs, I work hard on the editing and arranging and coloring. So now that won't matter because they're gonna be turning into ugly ass mp4s?
And I have so many questions about this! Like, they just drop this with no explanation at all?
What do they consider to be "pages with a lot of GIFs"?? Do they mean every single fucking fandom blog on this site? Cause there are a lot and they are full of hundreds of gifset! Like my own blogs! Or do they just mean the search and specific tag tumblr pages? If it changes one of my gifsets into several looping mp4s instead of several gifs will that fuck up the arrangement of the gifs or will they remain in the order I put them in? As of right now only one video is allowed per post so how does that work with gifsets? Will this degrade the quality of the edit? Will it compress them like it did when they switched all of our .gifs into .gifvs? Or when they changed the dimensions? And if the tag search is considered "a lot of GIFS" but my post or my blog isn't will it be an mp4 on the search but a gif on my blog? Or will it change it to an mp4 on everything? How will they determine any of that? How does any of that work? Can we opt out of this force change? How do you even make a looping mp4??? If this change is a permanent no choice we're changing them all sort of thing do I need to learn how to make looping mp4s???
I just...
I hate this so much. Please for the love of god do not turn my gifs into stupid looping mp4s. Please just leave things as they are. Fix actual problems instead of changing things like this. Please.
I understand that this might make things load a little faster but what I don't think staff understands is the difference between gifmaking on tumblr vs other social media sites. On other sites, gifs are used as single image reactions. Gifsets and gifset edits do not exist on other social media sites. They only exist here. And this website keeps making it more and more impossible to make them. Only one is allowed to posted at once and they used as reaction images. And sure tumblr uses single gif reactions too but for the most part gifs are an art form. Gif makers create entire sets that are meant to be viewed together. They created big beautiful overlaid edits that could not and should not be used on places like twitter or instagram. Because those sites are not made for them!! Tumblr was!! If you turn all the gifs into mp4s it destroys the whole point of a gif. I've read do many stupid articles about how gifs are useless now because videos load faster bit they don't take into account the beautiful edit work that goes into tumblr gifmaking. What we want here on tumblr is not faster loading but gargage quality reaction images. We make high quality large edits. There is a difference.
I don't know what to do with this information and change upsets me and I am upset about this. Gifmaking is one of my favorite things to do. I love making gifs. It's creative and calming and fun but everything tumblr does lately seems like it's trying to kill this for us and that upsets me greatly.
#mod post#ignore this#i just needed to vent#i dont like change#im gonna delete this later#so please just ignore my tirade#im frustrated and confused and i need to let it out somewhere#tumblr ranting is the best i can do
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