#the nuance of knowing you're a criminal and knowing that it's 'bad' but doing it anyway because you don't know anything else | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

halsteadlover · 9 months

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Shadows From The Past

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Fem!Reader.

• Requested by anon: I don’t really know if this is how you make a request if it’s not correct me but would you possibly be able to write one where Jay has an episode because of a criminal that took tours in Afghanistan as well, like an episode in the show in season 5 I think. Where the criminal gets shot and dies and J is the only one there and you go to check up on him and he points gun at you because he’s having an episode idk I really don’t know, but could it end in him apologizing a lot and feeling really bad then just cuddles?? Thank u and uh if you see this could you pls just remind me when it’s done possibly. Thank you so much!!!❤️

• Warnings: mention of blood, gun, PTSD.

• Word count: 5825.

• A/N: hi everyone! Long time no see. I know this is ugly af but I tried my best. I hope you’ll like this piece anyway, please let me know what you think. Comment, like, reblog if you want this would be amazing! Thank you so much for your support, and for everyone who stayed even if I upload once every 100 years 😭 I love you all so much ❤️

Jay had always tried to do his job the best he could, giving everything in his power to every case he worked on, always trying to focus on nothing but bringing justice to the poor victims. He had always tried to be as objective as possible, leaving emotions out and thinking and planning every move to make lucidly. Some cases were easier, others a little less.

There were moments of his life, some shadows of his past, that still echoed in his present. They sometimes came back so strong and overbearing, they made him risk his present, all his progress and happiness, even his future.

And the case he was working on was one of those moments.

Following the discovery of a man's body, Intelligence was assigned to investigate this case. After questioning witnesses, analyzing the victim's life, talking to family and friends, suspicion fell on a person Jay met while serving overseas in Afghanistan. In fact, Don Stanton had served in the 3rd Battalion of the 75th Ranger Regiment at the same time as Jay, but he had never had the opportunity to speak in depth with him.

In fact, after returning home, Don didn't do too well, soon spiraling into drug, alcohol and illegal dealings.

From the moment they found out about this suspect, Jay felt something stir inside him, though he didn't know exactly what. He tried to disguise it or he would’ve estranged from the case but he couldn't hide his feelings from you, who knew him like the back of your hand and had learned to know every single nuance of him and recognize when something bothered him.

To try to get Don to confess, Jay offered to go undercover, build a relationship with him in a way that would make him trust him, and no one could be perfect for this role except someone who had gone through the exact same shit during the war as Jay.

It goes without saying that you didn’t agree with this decision at all and Voight would’ve even agreed with you if this wasn’t the only lead you got to catch the killer.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” you asked Jay as you adjusted his hidden microphone in his shirt. “You can always back out, someone else will go or we will find other leads to catch him.”

Jay sighed. “It's an undercover operation like any other Y/N, if anyone can do it it's me.”

You looked up at him, your hands still on his chest as you tried to analyze his expression on his face. “No baby, it's not an operation like any other. The suspect served in your own battalion, you met him and you can tell from a mile away you're upset about…-”

“Goddamn Y/N stop it! You've been asking me if I'm okay since this morning! I'm fine, I don't need a babysitter!” he snapped raising his voice and this sudden outburst made you withdraw your hands in shock.

Jay immediately regretted those words the instant he said them. He noticed the sad expression that appeared on your features and felt guilty like few other times in his life. “Baby… Shit…” he sighed again, running his hands over his face in frustration. He cupped your face in his hands, forcing you to look at him. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I don't know what has gotten into me. I’m sorry baby.”

You remained silent for a few seconds, looking at him for a moment before speaking. “Jay I'm just worried about you, I know it's hard for you but I want to help you… It breaks my heart seeing you like this,” you mumbled softly, your throat tight in a knot, your heart heavy.

“I know, I know, I’m so sorry love. Come here,” he whispered, pulling you into a hug and holding you with all the love he could. “It'll be okay. I can do it. You don't know what people like him are like, like me, he won't trust anyone and if there's someone who can make him confess it’s me. We served together, we saw the same crap, I can understand him,” he continued, pulling away from the hug and looking into your eyes.

You looked at him intensely, as if you wanted to read inside him, trying to discover a shred of hesitation or uncertainty.

“Jay, you are not like him, he is an alleged murderer, drug addict and alcoholic, you are a decorated detective. Don't even think for a second you're like him, okay?”.

He caressed your hair, and then nodded, smiling slightly. “I know, I know.”

“If something, anything, goes wrong you're out, you understand me?” you threatened him, pointing a finger at his chest.

He chuckled, caressing your cheeks. “Yes ma'am. Everything will be fine, I promise.”

If only he believed it too.

The truth was, Jay's mind was racing and image after image, memory after memory, everything seemed to be resurfacing, moments of the past he wanted to forget at all costs but which was about to overwhelm him like a river in flood.

He didn't want to talk to you about it, he knew he'd get over it – just like he had all time – he didn't want to worry you any more than you already were.

While he was in the car waiting for Don Stanton to show up, he read the message you sent and a small smile crept onto his lips.

From Baby D💕, 3.13pm

Be careful love. I'm here for whatever you need. I love you.

That message made the abyss in his heart grow and a feeling of guilt took over him. But the way he loved you, God, he didn’t know what he would’ve done without you.

From Jay, 3:16pm

I love you too babe, more than anything and everyone. Everything will be okay.

He put the cell phone back in his trouser pocket, trying to concentrate exclusively on the case. He sat in the car for about ten minutes before seeing Don in the distance. He looked around suspiciously before approaching Jay's car and quickly getting in.

“Drive,” Don ordered, and Jay gave him a confused look.

“Where? What is going on?”.

Don snapped his eyes at Jay. “Didn't you say you wanted a job? Drive then. Go straight, at the first crossroads turn left, I'll tell you from there where to go next.”

Jay understood there was no way to get an explanation and after letting out a sigh, he started driving, aware that you and the rest of the team would’ve followed him from afar.

After driving for about twenty minutes, he and Don arrived at an abandoned building. It looked shabby and it must’ve been unused for at least twenty years.

“What the hell is going on Stanton?” Jay asked, for the umpteenth time. Don stopped in his footsteps, turning to him, looking annoyed and angry.

“What part of ‘I'll explain in a moment’ you don’t understand?”.

“I won’t do anything until you explain to me what hell is going on. This place is clearly a mile away from legality and I'm not risking my ass for whatever bullshit is going on here. So either tell me what's going on or I'm out.”

Don sighed, glancing between Jay and the building, looking uncertain, even almost frightened. Jay noticed this and realized whatever was going on, they weren't alone and that there was nothing good about that abandoned building.

He approached Jay, walking fast and hands in his trouser pockets. “Then leave.”

“C'mon man talk to me...”.

“Damn it! I'm in deep shit man, I can't back out!” he exclaimed in despair.

“Why? What did you do?”.

They were all at the edge of their chairs as they listened through Jay's microphone conversation, knowing that a little nudge was enough to get Don Stanton to confess.

“Don, talk to me. I can help you, I know you're not doing well, I totally understand. You don't have to do anything, whatever it is...”

“You can't help me… I… I fucking killed a man!” Stanton exclaimed loudly, running his hands through his hair “But it wasn't my fault! They forced me! I… I really needed the money…”

There were some moments of silence in which you and Voight exchanged a look. He confessed, but why didn't Jay arrest him?

“What are we going to do here Don?” Jay asked, trying to stay calm as his heart was pounding.

“They gave me another job. A gang member… They want me to kill him and they’ll pay me almost ten thousand dollars.”

“Don, for fucks sale! No life is worth this money! How can you do this? You were a fucking soldier, you risked your life to protect others, to protect this country and now you're the one hurting people!” Jay exclaimed, more angrily than he would’ve liked.

“I know! I know! They've foreclosed on my house… I'm out of money… I need it man…” Don muttered.

“Halstead what are you waiting for? Handcuff him,” Voight ordered over his mic but Jay didn't seem to listen, in fact, he didn't even seem to be on this planet anymore.

You were worried sick, your stomach was in a vice. You knew Jay couldn't do this, he was too involved to be able to deal with all of this, to deal with his past.

“Voight we have to do something,” you said, turning to your now impatient boss.

“Let's just wait few seconds.”

But when you saw Jay enter the building your heart stopped for an instant and fear took over. Before Voight could say anything, you leapt out of the car at lightning speed, waiting for no one, thinking of no one but Jay.

You pulled out your gun from your holster before entering the abandoned building. It was larger than it appeared externally and at first sight there was no sign of Jay.

Your heart was beating so hard you could hear it pounding in your ears and with every step you took, fear ate you more and more. What the hell was he thinking? Why did he come in here alone with a criminal?

As you climbed the creaking stairs to the first floor, a shot rang out from the walls and you jumped. “Oh my god,” you murmured in a trembling voice before starting to run as fast as possible towards the place where the shot came from. Your mind began to project images of Jay lying in a pool of his own blood, dying, and the very thought made you die inside.

God let him be okay, please.

Once you climbed to the third floor, however, you saw him in the distance but before you could take a step towards him or even take a sigh of relief, a bullet was fired in your direction, forcing you to take cover behind a pillar.

A gun fight with some men ensued, and though you knew you had to focus on saving your own life, you couldn't help but glance at Jay from time to time, noticing him hunched over Don Stanton, trying to revive him.

The rest of the squad arrived at that moment and you managed to take down three men who were shooting at you. You approached Jay while the others explored the rest of the building for anything suspect.

“Jay,” you called but he didn't seem to hear you as he tried to stop Stanton's bleeding, “Jay,” you called him out again but still nothing, no answer. So you placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to make him aware of your presence but that touch made him stiffen and you almost had a heart attack when he pulled out his gun and turned, pointing it at you.

“Woah!” you exclaimed loudly, spontaneously raising your hands to let him know you were unarmed, “Jay, what the hell are you doing?!”.

His gaze was fixed on you but he wasn't really looking at you, his eyes were empty, without the light that characterizes them, his forehead was wet with sweat as his chest rose and fell quickly as if he had run a marathon.

“Jay put that gun down. It's just me. Can you hear me? Everything is fine.”

You continued to speak but your voice reached far into his ears which continued to ring incessantly. You didn't dare take a wrong step, or try to get him to put down his gun because you knew Jay wasn't there right now, that his mind was unconscious and his body uncontrollable. He was still in war and he saw you like an enemy and not his girlfriend.

But that didn't make the moment any less scary.

Jay, the person you most trusted in the world, with whom you felt safest, was pointing a gun at you and anything could trigger him to shoot you. You've never felt so small and helpless, even after facing the most dangerous and depraved criminals, you felt so scared and intimidated.

He'd had similar episodes, where the PTSD made him lose touch with reality, but he'd never come to that, never pointing a gun at you and threatening to hurt you.

“Jay!” you almost screamed and only then did Jay seem to come to his senses.

When he realized he was pointing his gun at you a wave of guilt fully overwhelmed him and he dropped the gun from his hands in disbelief at what he had just done.

What the hell had he been up to? Was he really point a gun at you? The love of his life?

He couldn't believe it, he couldn't believe he was capable of doing such a thing and as he watched your face contorted in an expression of pure fear and terror, as he watched you back away until you ran away, he realized he seriously needed help.

The case was finally closed but never like then it left you an unbridgeable abyss inside you.

Since you'd left that building you'd been trying to avoid Jay even though he'd been trying hard to talk to you. You knew it wasn't his fault, that what happened was just a consequence of everything he'd been through, that knowingly he wouldn't do anything that could hurt you.

But that episode had shocked you more than you could ever admit and the image of that gun pointed at you continued to haunt your mind.

You were at your house, sitting on the couch staring at nothing in particular, contemplating whether to respond to Jay's many texts and calls. You knew you had to talk to him, you couldn't avoid him forever, but you needed some alone time first, to digest everything that had happened.

But when the bell rang you understood this was not going to happen.

You stood up and your heart skipped a beat when you saw through the peephole it was Jay. You took a deep breath and opened the door, realizing you couldn't avoid him forever and sooner or later you had to deal with the confrontation.

Jay was a walking disaster.

He didn't know what to say, what to do, how to act and especially when he noticed the way you kept avoiding his gaze, he panicked even more. You made room for him to enter and he felt his heart break when, in an attempt to say hi, you pulled back slightly.

“Uhm… Hi… Come in,” you murmured nervously before going to sit back on the sofa.

Jay closed the door behind him, walking over and sitting next to you. You brought your knees to your chest and he didn’t miss this gesture, he didn't miss the way you tried to distance yourself from him, how you tried to protect yourself by moving away from him.

“How are you feeling?” you asked feebly, finally looking up at him and a chasm opened inside you as you saw his tired, destroyed eyes, the melancholy expression on his face.

“I'm fine but...”

“No Jay,” you interrupted him “Don't start with these lies, you know I can't stand them. You pointed a damn gun at me, you are definitely not fine.”

You knew it was tough, but it was time for him to face the shadows of his past that kept haunting him, it was time for him to face reality and realize he wasn't good at all, that he kept lying to himself and pretending to be in a state of well-being which, unfortunately, wasn’t true at all.

He sighed and it was him who lowered his gaze that time, unable to look in your eyes anymore. He rubbed his sweaty palms on his jeans before resting his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands. He was silent for a moment before returning to his previous position.

“You're right…” he murmured, almost afraid to admit it aloud, “I… I'm not okay I know, I’ve realized it… But Y/N, darling, I just want you to know I would’ve never done that… I would never hurt you…”

“Jay…” you sighed “I know that, but… But what if you won't regain control of yourself next time? What if you won’t come to your senses and shoot me?”

“No! No! Fuck… This will never happen again, I swear…”

“And how do you know this, Jay?” you asked, a lump in your throat, eyes brimming with tears as you tried to hold them back. “How do you know you’ll be able to stop the next time that in the grip of a similar episode you’ll point a gun at me again?”.

Jay had never experienced a worse feeling in his life. He always promised himself he would given his life to protect you, that he’d do everything in his power to keep you safe, that he’d rather die than know you were suffering.

He loved you more than anyone else in the world, more than he ever thought he’d love someone and knowing he was the one who tried to hurt you, destroyed him. He’d never forget the expression of fear, terror and pure shock with which you looked at him in that damned building, it would’ve haunted him forever.

“I would never hurt you Y/N, you… You are the most precious thing in my life. God, I'd die to protect you…” he babbled in desperation.

“I know, Jay. I consciously know this,” you answered, putting your feet on the ground and approaching him without touching him. “I want to help you, but...”

“But what?” he whispered, his green eyes bright with tears as he looked at you. A tear slid from your eyes onto your cheek but you immediately wiped it away before you spoke again. “You want to leave me right? You are afraid of me?”.

You remained silent for a moment.

“Y/N I… You can't leave me please, I can't do this without you, I need you. You're the only person I'm still here for, helping me through this shit… Please…”

You cried. “I have to protect myself Jay,” you wiped away another tear “I don't want to leave you, God. I love you so much…”

“But you're afraid of me,” he stated, swallowing the lump in his throat. He looked down at the floor and his shoes to try and mask the tears he couldn't control anymore and streamed down his cheeks. He stood up, suddenly feeling suffocated, and ran his hands over his face as he began pacing around the living room.

“Hey…” you said, standing up and approaching him. You placed your hands on his arms to make him stop and he directed his eyes at you. They were red and shiny from tears and God only knew how much it hurt you to see him like this, how much he didn't deserve all that suffering.

You placed your hands on his face, wiping away his tears with your thumbs. “God baby,” you whispered “I hate seeing you like this…”. He hugged you, squeezing you so tight it made you gasp for breath.

You hugged him back, putting your arms around his neck and letting yourself be cradled by that embrace. You stroked his hair while he hid his face in the hollow of your neck, letting go in a desperate and liberating cry.

“It's okay love, it's okay,” you whispered, as you too were crying, “Let's sit down.”

You sat back on the sofa and you hugged him, letting him rest his head on your chest as he let out all the anger – mostly towards himself – and sadness he felt.

“Cry all you want, I'm here. I don't want to leave, I'll always be here with you Jay,” you mumbled, caressing his hair. He wrapped his arms around your chest tighter, as if he was afraid to let you go.

“I'm so sorry my love. I didn't mean to scare you… When…” he sighed “When I realized what I was doing, the way you were looking at me…” he couldn't finish the sentence, because just remembering the expression you had in that moment pushed him over the edge again “God Y/N I will never forgive myself for what I did...” he got up, sitting on the sofa and running a hand through his hair “When I saw your face… That moment I understood I seriously need some help, I don't… I can't risk hurting you, losing you, I don't want you to be afraid of me. I want to be your safe haven, I don’t want you to doubt for even a second I can intentionally hurt you… I… I don't want you to look me with that terrified and fearful look again... I can't...”

“But I'm not afraid of you Jay, I know you were going through a lot , the case was heavy to deal with…” you tried to comfort him.

“Yes you do,” he smiled at you bitterly, eyes and nose still red from crying “No lies remember? You told me before and even now…” he tried to stop crying but failing “You hugged me and you were tense and the thing is, I can't even blame you… It's only my fault for believing all the shit the war brought me could just go away on its own and I will never be able to forgive myself for how I reacted, in that building, when you were putting my mic...”

“You weren't yourself,” you whispered.

“I know… But I won’t let you to suffer the consequences of what happens to me… But on the other hand I'm too selfish to let you go, I love you too much Y/N and I know if you're not here I… I'll never be able to face this alone.”

“But I don't want you to go through this alone,” you retorted, grabbing his hand with yours and intertwining your fingers as your eyes were on his. “Jay I will never leave you… You’re my whole life and I want to be with you at every step you take, I know it will be hard, I know it isn't easy, I know there is a long way ahead but we’ll do it together. I won't leave you alone… I was just scared in that moment, let's be honest, who wouldn't, but I don't want to abandon you, okay? I just need to know you’ll really, really, try to face these ghosts.”

“Absolutely, I don't want to hurt you anymore…”

“No baby, you don't have to do it for me but for yourself,” you didn't let him finish the sentence “Because you went though what no other human being can go through and you deserve to be happy, to fully live your life, to do your job serenely, you don't deserve to wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares. You are strong, one of the strongest people I know and if there is anyone who can do it, it’s you, love, okay?” you stroked his cheek and he nodded faintly.

“Promise me you'll really try? Not for me though,” you continued as he looked at you with all the love he felt for you. “I can take it, past the fear I know it's not your fault baby, you don't control it. I can't even imagine what you're going through, what you saw over there, anyone who didn’t experience it will never be able to, but I swear Jay I… I would die to give you all the happiness you deserve.”

“You are my happiness,” he retorted and you smiled feebly when you saw him calm down a bit “Tomorrow I’ll look for someone and start doing therapy, I promise I'll do it, for you, for me, for us.”

Your smile grew on your lips. “I know you will. I'm so proud of you.”

“So you won't leave me?” he whispered so softly he almost sounded like a child intimidated by the response he’d receive.

“No baby, never, I swear. I'd take a bullet for you if it means to make you happy.”

“Don’t even joke about that,” he mumbled. He placed his hand on yours which was still on his cheek, then bringing it to his lips and leaving a kiss on the back without his eyes ever leaving yours. “I love you so much Y/N, so fucking much I can't even breathe right now. I don't know what I did to deserve you,” you smiled again “I always want to see you smile like that, God… I can't even explain what you do to me. I… I want to make you happy as much as you make me happy. I'm so sorry baby, I'm sorry for everything...”

“Shh, it's okay, it's not your fault I want you to put it in this cute little head. I love you too Jay so much, more than you can ever imagine.”

You stayed on that sofa embraced for and indefinite amount of time, cradled in each other's arms. After some time you managed to get Jay to eat something before letting him take a shower, needless to say he was going to sleep over at your place.

You both got into bed and, due to the exhaustion, the intense emotions experienced that day, it didn't take long for Jay to fall asleep, his head resting on your chest as you held him and hugged him. But you couldn't sleep a wink, the events of that day still clear in your mind.

When Jay woke up in the middle of the night, it didn't take him long to realize you weren't there anymore. He sat up in bed and looked at the time on his cell phone, which read 1:32 in the morning, before getting up and walking towards the living room.

For a fraction of a second he thought he heard a sob but he thought he just imagined it. But when this sobbing sound was accompanied by a sniffling, he knew he didn’t imagine them at all.

He walked quickly to the living room and his heart skipped a beat when, in the dim light, he saw you sitting on the sofa, your knees drawn up to your chest as you cried. He turned on the lights and didn't miss the way you tried - in vain – to quickly dry your tears.

“Y/N… Baby… God, what happened? Are you hurt?” Jay asked after rushing over to you, kneeling right in front of you.

You mentally let out a curse, aware that you wouldn't be able to escape this. “I'm fine,” you replied though, hoping for a nano second he’d buy it.

“Oh baby don't lie to me, you don't cry if you're fine. Please talk to me, are you okay? What happened?” he continued to ask worried. He grabbed a handkerchief from the top of the coffee table and handed it to you, watching you intently as you blew your nose. He sat down next to you and started stroking your hair in an attempt to comfort you.

“Don't worry babe, it's okay. Nothing happened, go back to sleep you're tired.”

“How can you even think I'll leave you here alone?” he said “Wait, I'll go get you a glass of water.”

Before you could object, he was up and in less than no time he returned with a glass of cold water which you drank with pleasure. “You want another one?” he asked and after you mumbled a ‘no’ he took the empty glass from your hands and placed it on the coffee table. “Are you feeling better?”.

You nodded. “Seriously baby, I'm fine, go back to bed.”

“How about you stop lying to me and start telling me the truth? You're making me worry to death love.”

You sighed deeply, feeling the urge to cry coming back. “It's just… It's been a busy day and I needed to vent.”

Jay was silent for a moment, wiping away a single tear that slid down your cheek. “Talk to me baby, I'm here for you.”

You shook your head and then stood up. “No, there is nothing to say. Let's go to sleep, I'm getting tired too.”

“No, we're not going to sleep until you tell me what's going on,” he stood up too, looking at you with such intensity it almost took your breath away. God why did he insist so much, why didn't he just let you cry and forget everything?

“I told you Jay, I was just venting after today.”

“Yes, but it's not only that, I'm sure,” he retorted, taking a step towards you. “Baby don't you trust me? You know you can talk to me about anything, I just want to help you.”

“I-it's not that, of course I trust you.”

“Then talk to me,” he pressed, now on the verge of losing his mind “What...”.

“I don't want to bother you, you already have so much to think about.”

“Y/N I want you to listen to me very carefully now because I won't say it again,” he spoke, placing his hands on your face to force you to look at him. “There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you, and nothing, I say nothing, is more important than you. You never bother me and never will. You want me to be honest with you, to ask for help, but you have to do it too, you don't have to be afraid to tell me about something it’s bothering you.”

You started crying again and he hugged you, holding you close as he stroked your hair. “It's alright baby, I'm here. Cry all you want, let it go. I won't leave you.”

“It’s just…” you sobbed at a loss for words, letting go as a wave of guilt washed over you. You placed your hands on his bare chest as he continued to hold you.

“Y/N, please, I hate seeing you like this. What are you afraid of? Why don’t you talk to me?” he whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Because I feel guilty,” you answered so feebly you feared he didn’t hear you.

Jay placed two fingers under your chin, forcing you to look at him. “And why’s that?”.

Another sob escaped your lips and at that point you slightly moved away from him, no longer able to hold his gaze, his closeness. You ran your hands over your face and then through your hair, not quite knowing what to say.

“Because I was fucking terrified! And… And I feel guilty because I know what happened wasn't your fault, you weren’t yourself…” you sniffed as the tears continued to flow in rivers, leaving you not even a chance to talk “I know you’d never consciously do anything to hurt me but seeing you point that gun at me… Jay, I…” you sighed “I've faced criminals, murderers, but I've never been so afraid and terrified as today and for a moment I really thought you’d shoot me. The way you looked at me… God I can't get it out of my mind and I'm hating myself because it wasn't your fault…”

Jay stood there attentively listening to every single word you said as every second that passed he felt a part of himself die.

“That's why I didn't want to tell you about this, because I know you’re blaming yourself for everything and you're already going through so much Jay and I don't want to add this other burden on you...” you continued and at that point he approached you again, putting his hands on your cheeks and wiping away the tears with his thumbs as you did with him.

“Y/N…” he said your name as a little prayer “You really think I don’t know that? I know you, I know when something is bugging you, I know when something makes you feel sad. I saw the way you looked at me this whole evening, the way you were tense and I'm so sorry for putting you in this situation my baby. I hate myself so much for this, you didn’t deserve any of that,” he left a soft kiss on your forehead.

“And I love you so fucking much,” he continued “You're willing to suffer alone just to not make me worry but you don't have to. Your feelings are as valid as mine, you have to tell me when you're hurt, when you feel like crying, when you're scared even if I'm the cause. I want to listen to you and do everything in my power to fix what’s hurting you and I promise I will. We have a long way to go, you said it too, but we can't do it unless we're both honest with each other, if we don't express our fears, our apprehensions,” he said wiping away your tears as you did nothing but keep crying “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me Y/N, you saved me from a chasm that I am trying hard to climb over, you are my lifeline and I want to be the same for you. I can never apologize enough for what I did today, but I promise I’ll do everything I can to put all that shit behind me. But you need to talk to me, okay? You are so fucking important to me and I'm okay if you're okay. I can't focus on anything else if I don't know you’re happy and to know that I need you to tell me everything that goes through your mind, and I will do the same… Okay baby?”.

You nodded and in response you pressed your lips onto his in a sweet, long-awaited kiss before hugging and squeezing him as if your life depended on it. He was right, God was he right about everything.

He was your everything.

Your sun, the love of your life, the reason for everything.

You were his salvation.

You were the light at the end of a dark tunnel, the first breath of fresh air after being underwater too long. You both knew that even in the most difficult moments you’ll be able to overcome everything and that you could always count on each other in joy, fear and pain.

General tag list: @hngbrooks, @alexxavicry, @mrspeacem1nusone, @halstead-severide-fan, @allivzs

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sarcastictissy · 18 days

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Hola :D I just wanted to thank you for being so positive lately and looking at things regarding the qstudio situation with nuance. It feels like people have been so stressed and angry after all of the admin stuff came that they began to take every bit of news we hear as some sign that bad things are to come . I think a lot of people underestimated just how long this process can take, there a lot of factors to be considered here, including: q's lack of experience, the union, the laws, the admins. And unfortunately there is no way to satisfy everyone when it comes to stuff like this. This was never going to take a week or two, I feel like people didn't fully understand that.

Some admins are going to be pushed out of the project due to the lack of funds and the fact that this is a legal issue first and for most. It's unfair but it's the law. Not everyone understands that and because of that people are going to say things without understanding the situation. Not every thing is black and white and sometimes things aren't going to work out the way we want them to. Nobody is perfect and we shouldn't expect people involved in this situation to act like that. Which is why you should always look at the situation from multiple perspectives before forming an opinion.

It makes me feel tired to see the same takes over and over agian with no nuance. So your post have really helped me feel better :) I've seen people from both qsmpblr and qsmptwt act like every ccs involved in this is a war criminal or like this is a admins vs quackity or french/brazil vs quackity. It's kinda drove me off most social sites and forced me to only watch YouTube and stuff (on the good side of things, I've been watching quackity's discord videos and some dsmp vods :D it's been fun)

What I am trying to say is that, scrolling through your blog feels like a breath of fresh air and has made me feel 8× more calm about this situation. I don't think doomposting is necessarily bad but after seeing so much of it, sometimes you just need to distance yourself and look at the good parts of life. No matter how much I complain, I am never changing the course that qstudio is headed and neither can any one else, The only one who can do that is quackity. I hope that he does the right thing and the studio gets better. I love the characters that qsmp has brought us and the community it has formed, qsmp is a beautiful project that I want to see thrive. For now the only thing I can do as a viewer is hope for the best <3

I'm sorry if this came off as a trauma dump, I just really wanted to thank you.

So, this has been in my askbox for a while because I was so grateful and happy to hear I've helped someone!! Thank you sm anon that means a lot to me and knowing I'm keeping others optimistic, helps me feel optimistic too! :D

This is a very complex situation with so many moral grey areas mixed with black and white. It's not simple, it's not easy. These things cannot be fixed in a matter of weeks, you're absolutely right about that.

I also agree doomposting isn't necessarily bad! It's a good way to get off some steam and vent/ rant for a bit. There's nothing wrong with that. We all need it at times. For me, personally, it becomes toxic when that's ALL I'm seeing in social media. When I go on my phone and all I see is negativity, that's when I need to call it quits and start blocking people or start taking time away (which is why I deleted twt off my phone) everyone's tolerance levels are different ofc, so, not everyone is affected by that negativity, but I certainly was. This is why I want my blog to be positive and uplifting and you know what? Each and every time I get a ask or a message thanking me for that, I gain faith in humanity and it just encourages me to keep being positive! I'm so thankful for your ask and dw it wasn't trauma dumping at all!! :D I hope you're doing well anon! Take care of yourself. You matter

#qsmp #quackity smp #qsmp discourse #qadmin situation #tissy answers #thank you for your ask!

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nokingsonlyfooles · 1 year

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The Dark Secret of Kung Fu Panda, Part 2...

...if you're coming from a place of Western tropes and values, you need to read Shifu as a shitty teacher, or the story doesn't scan.

Oh, and also a shitty parent, a shitty student of kung fu, and a shitty student of Buddhism.

(Sorry, little dude.)

I've already unpacked the teacher part, but all these things are a result of trying to write a story set in China, that both Chinese and Western audiences will understand. They did very well! But there's always a few folks who aren't able to keep up with a complex read like this - and they don't go, "Oh well, this story wasn't for me," they get mad at the characters and the writers.

So! Let's talk more about kung fu, Buddhism, child development, tropes and subversions - and whether that shiny piece of paper Tai Lung was after actually meant something or was just an elaborate troll.

I like to go to TVTropes and read the Headscratchers. For a storyteller like me, it's like playing Narrative Minesweeper. Let's see, did anyone have trouble with this plot point? (click) Ah, not too bad. What about this one? (click)

(Check that link! This is the page for Kung Fu Panda 2! People are really upset about this!)

KABOOM! Oh, man. Okay. Let's plant a flag in that and try to figure out why it blew up so bad.

Something I've seen across stories is that audiences have a really hard time noticing that they are being lied to when characters or narrators say one thing and do another. I think it's a mirage coughed up by the suspension of disbelief required to consume a story in the first place. We see a lot of villains who are supposed to be criminal masterminds, yet to make the plot go they have to behave like utter idiots. We're willing to put up with that, as long as it seems like they're supposed to be brilliant in-universe.

Then Rian Johnson throws a character like Miles Bron at us. The whole point of Miles is we're supposed to roll with the "in-universe mastermind" tropes, but only up to a point. The message of the film rests on the audience's ability to snap out of it, pick up their critical thinking skills and go, "Yeah, this guy never did one smart thing. Just a lot of audacious things, because he's too sheltered and dumb to understand the consequences."

But if you check the Headscrachers for Glass Onion (and if you care to look at any right-wing critiques of the film), you'll find a lot of people groping for reasons Miles is smart, actually. Maybe Blanc just called him dumb to get a rise out of him! Maybe he's smart socially but dumb with business! Or vice-versa! Maybe the film is badly-written!

No, he is very dumb. Truly. And I don't think the film is badly-written. But some people just blow right trough a sign reading "STOP RIGHT HERE, THIS TROPE IS BEING SUBVERTED, THE DETOUR IS THIS WAY" stagger off the path, and wind up dead in a ditch. Metaphorically speaking.

The above Troper - who is upset by Tai Lung's lack of a redemption arc, while expecting a nuanced story where the bad guys aren't all bad - has failed to detect a nuanced story where the good guys aren't all good.

In China, audiences need a stop sign that reads "Actually, the brilliant teacher is still learning and can do even better." This isn't too jarring, especially given the relationship between Oogway and Shifu. Shifu admits Oogway is a better teacher than him, and smarter than him. Even when he doesn't understand the lesson and loses hope of ever understanding it, he doesn't blame the turtle, he blames himself for just not getting it, and prepares to clean up his mess the best way he knows how. For his part, Oogway was clearly trying to get some hard lessons into Shifu's head - up to and including, "You don't actually need me to guide you down the path, you need to start looking around and trying to understand it for yourself..."

"Bye-eeee!"

Oogway is teaching in accordance with Theravada Buddhism, which is basically the philosophical equivalent of trying to get the dog to notice you've dropped the bacon on the ground and he's not gonna get anything by sniffing your fingers.

Tai Lung's return is an emergency situation, and if Shifu's not careful he'll be trying to reach enlightenment from the Spirit Realm (which does seem doable, given that Oogway continues to train and meditate himself). So Oogway leaves Shifu a $50, says, "You will have to find bacon without me," and buggers off. Permanently. And you know what? After three films, it works!

"Ah, you have finally mastered your Pride. Never stop learning, my most stubborn student!"

On the other hand, a Western audience has much less patience for jerk-ass teachers - and while they do have experience with Trickster mentors, it's much harder for them to see where Oogway is coming from, and why he nopes out instead of just being honest when it's important! They need a much bigger stop sign that says, "SHIFU IS ACTUALLY A SLOW STUDENT AND A BAD TEACHER AND OOGWAY HAS BEEN DESPERATELY TRYING, AND FAILING, TO CORRECT THIS PROBLEM FOR DECADES." But that's unnecessary and nonsensical in China. What we ended up with is much more subtle and open to interpretation. Some people decided to interpret it as, "Oogway's a troll, Shifu's an idiot, Tai Lung got a raw deal, nobody ever admits any of this, and this movie is stupid."

It's true, nobody ever gets called a troll or an idiot - that would be incredibly disrespectful in China, so that's a nonstarter - so you have to draw your own conclusions based on what they do. We see Shifu having a lot of difficulty in picking up what Oogway is laying down. He trusts Oogway implicity and knows there is always some kind of wisdom being imparted, but he gets impatient and tries to speed up the lesson, or he grabs for the most obvious interpretation and runs, or he just gives up and falls back to something he understands a little better.

Like when he gets sick of waiting for Oogway to blow out the candles and get to the point and he douses all of them with a cool move. Oogway is modeling the behaviour he'd like to see - Shifu really needs to slow down and learn patience. But Shifu responds as if the lesson is, "My Master needs help blowing out candles!" which is just silly, but he's going too fast and not paying attention.

Now watch Po listen to Oogway... and watch Oogway listen to Po! Oogay doesn't run in and go, "We don't have time for this! Tai Lung's coming! Get your shit together!" He lets Po set the pace, reflects back his feelings, and offers a little nudge. Which Po absorbs and thinks about at his own pace, instead of pushing to understand everything as fast as possible right now. Ideally, that's how it should go, but with Shifu this approach has about as much impact as boinking croutons off a brick wall.

So it's not too difficult to imagine that Shifu let his pride get the better of him in educating Tai Lung, while ignoring multiple nudges from his own teacher, because he was just too focused on his ultimate goal and going too fast.

In this case, his ultimate goal was a shiny piece of paper his Master rolled up and stuck in a cool-looking temple, all to give some future student a nudge to help them understand, "Self-worth isn't earned or bestowed in this way, it is intrinsic." And Shifu focused on proving his worth as a teacher by trying to turn out a student who was worthy of the scroll!

"Son, I am beginning to suspect you just ain't right in the head."

How can a friend and teacher manage this without stepping off the path of Theravada Buddhism, which a Chinese audience will recognize and expect to remain consistent? The only thing to do is back off, give your student some room to screw up, and nudge him again when he's open to listening.

Unfortunately, that took a very long time. Decades. In the meantime, Tai Lung grew up expecting to make his father proud by earning the scroll.

"What do you MEAN I spent my whole life training and I'm STILL NOT GOOD ENOUGH?"

There is something that I was taught explicitly, because I learned how to teach preschoolers: it is super easy to get kids to believe your love is conditional and dependent on their ability to get good grades and perform. Like, you can swear up and down that you love your child no matter what, but if you lose your shit and take them to Disneyland when they make Student of the Month, the kid is going to draw their own conclusions. You know how Tai Lung complains about how hard Shifu drove him to train? You can do that with praise just as easily as with discipline. More easily, sometimes.

In China, that's a perfectly acceptable way to teach a child, no further explanation necessary. In the West, not so much, but the writers can't hit us over the head with how wrong it is because in China, it's fine. So we have to watch and pay attention to how they act.

In the flashbacks, we never see Shifu being anything but loving and supportive, even when Tai Lung rips off a piece of his moustache and causes him obvious pain.

We never see the leopard boy eat all of his dad's bamboo furniture and cause a freakout (presumably followed by apologies on both sides). Young Shifu seems to have two modes of parenting and teaching: "I'm proud of you" and "Wow! Great job! I'm extra proud of you!" the second of which is reserved for punching and kicking real good. If that's all his dad seems to want from him, and the solution to every problem is to train harder and punch and kick better, it's possible Tai Lung's first experience with real failure is not getting the Dragon Scroll. You know, the thing his dad named him after.

His lack of experience with failure is evident in his reaction; he has no emotional maturity, he's like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. Shifu taught him how to punch and kick real good, and did not teach him how to deal with failure, frustration, and a lack of outside validation. That's because Shifu himself is super bad at all those things!

Kung fu is not just punching and kicking and going as hard as you can, it is listening and adapting and approaching situations with open-minded humility. When Shifu rolls up and presents his first student like an art project to be graded, Oogway knows he done messed up. All he can do is nudge them away from a lesson neither one of them is ready to learn yet, and back off.

"Ultimately, my stubborn student, this is my failure, but I'm not sure how to resolve this situation. And your kid is a ticking time bomb, do you not even see that?"

Unfortunately, Shifu's flawed teaching method has resulted in a student who knows nothing but punching and kicking, so all he can do is punch and kick. Real good. "Laying waste" to the village was a late add, to help the audience understand how badly Tai Lung melted down, but it makes perfect sense in this context. If he's not getting the validation he needs for his skill, he'll beat up the whole Valley trying to prove he's the best. And when he gets back to the Jade Palace, no, somehow he has still not punched and kicked hard enough to get what he's after, so he tries to beat up the people standing in his way. Maybe that's how you prove yourself worthy of the scroll!

Alas, it was not. And with a student too misguided and dangerous to teach - yet who still might be able to learn, and help Shifu learn - pausing his rampage for a few decades to allow Shifu some more time to get a clue was the best option Oogway had.

Thank heaven for plot devices!

It turns out, Shifu is capable of improving, through immense pain and suffering. After his failure with Tai Lung, Shifu's despair leads him to fall face first into teaching Tigress with Oogway's method...

...That is, at least he backs off and lets her learn she's going to get no validation from the outside, so she stops looking for it. That's enough to keep her from having a total meltdown when she doesn't get what she wants - it's not a betrayal, it's just par for the course. She goes off by herself, because she's learned to solve her own damn problems (as have the rest of the Five, who follow her), and she almost gets them all killed, 'cos Shifu still doesn't know how to teach humility.

It takes him a few movies - he expects to learn everything through hard work and suffering and so, inevitably, he does.

Just to hammer home how badly Shifu messed up, and how fundamentally flawed Tai Lung's understanding of kung fu is, when Po just hands him the scroll, Tai Lung doesn't get it.

Po is a Mahayana Buddhist. He always tries to enlighten his enemies. When they make it clear they're not ready for it, he'll do what he can to keep them from screwing up everyone else's chance to learn.

So Tai Lung gets yeeted direct to the Spirit Realm. But, it is possible to keep learning in the Spirit Realm, as Oogway and Kai show us in the third film. We just don't see Tai Lung again until the animated series, 'cos no matter how cute he is, he's not the protagonist.

Also, I think the writers can't help but noticed how badly Tai Lung's arc landed with some audience members. There is no good way to address that in under two hours of film. Look how long it took me to unpack it in text!

In the end, the Dragon Scroll isn't meant to be useless, or an elaborate troll from a Trickster archetype. It's a nudge in the right direction. For Po and Shifu, once they slowed down and thought about it, it landed. Tai Lung just wasn't there yet, and showing him that the scroll was nothing but a shiny piece of paper wouldn't have gotten him there, no matter when it happened. But respect to the Dragon Warrior for trying, that's just how he rolls. He's not wrong to try, but Oogway's also not wrong about enlightenment not being a thing to teach.

That's why ya boi gets Oogway's staff, and Shifu ends the film series still needing a little more time to learn.

#kung fu panda #po #shifu #oogway #buddhism #tai lung #dragon scroll #yikes that's a long read #let me know if you like this or if i've gone too far

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qqueenofhades · 11 months

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Is it... bad that I just do not CARE about men's mental health no matter how many articles I see about it? "single men are lonely :(((" They made the manosphere roe is overturned and are railing against no fault divorce. I just... don't have energy for this right now. Like i've advocated for men's mental health before, but I'm seeing an INFLUX of "what about men??? they need WIVES!" sentiment from the right and i just. I'm just not feeling it.

No, you're not a bad person at all. The intense legal misogyny and widespread cultural revanchist toxic-masculinity grievance politics right now are absolutely exhausting, and I often feel the same way. However, I think it's possibly useful to differentiate what's actually upsetting you the most, and how that's not the same thing as what the peddlers of this narrative would like you to think. After all, you're not fed up with men's mental health per se; you're fed up (and rightfully so) with the reactionary right-wing fascist narrative that constantly insists that helpless men are victims of the evil women and gays, that the only way for a (white, straight, Christian) man to be happy or a "real man" is by engaging in toxic masculinity, traditional patriarchy, and the destruction of feminism, and that Manhood (tm) is under some kind of existential threat by those soft wimpy liberals who talk about feelings and other gross stuff, and not just Beer, Guns, God, and Freedom. (You know, as if the entirety of human history has happened just to get us back to this point of caveman patriarchy, but let's not talk about Bruno.)

Extreme and macho masculinity/insisting that there's only one way to be a man/any gender variance or departure from traditional norms is Bad, are all key social features of fascism. That's why a) there's such a backlash against trans people right now, and b) most of that concern has focused on the idea of "men in dresses" pretending to be women, "betraying" their gender assigned at birth, "preying" on (poor, helpless, unaware, feeble) women, and otherwise voluntarily relinquishing their manhood, which under fascism is synonymous with power and therefore the worst crime imaginable. After all, with these ludicrous state laws about being forced to dress as your gender assigned at birth -- who do you think is going to be most affected by that? I'm sure they'll get around to criminalizing women wearing trousers and plaid shirts eventually, but it's really hard to tell if a woman is "dressing according to her biological gender." If a male-presenting or AMAB person attempts to dress in more feminine fashion, however, that is the heart of the problem and what fascism is trying to restrict and outlaw.

After all, regardless of what the right wing carps and sobs and screams about, "manhood" is not a unitary, singular category, and rich, white, straight, Christian, Trump-loving men are not the "default" standard for manhood, no matter how many terrible books Josh Hawley might write about the subject. Black/Hispanic men, Indigenous men, trans men, queer men, disabled men, immigrant men, poor men, Muslim men, etc., are all also men, but obviously fascism doesn't value them or think they're complying with the heteronormative white supremacist paradigm. So yeah, obviously all their talk about "men's rights" basically boils down to "women should voluntarily relinquish all the legal and social advancements of the last 150 years in order to meekly serve men, uphold white theocratic fascism, and establish Gilead without a complaint, like good biblical helpmeets!" So THAT, or at least it feels like to me, is what you're angry about, and you should be!

Because the right wing has been so successful at casting "men" in general under this one category, it can be hard to pick apart or see any nuance in what's going on, and you don't have to give the time of day to those "poor mistreated men need tradwives!" nonsense pieces. But by continuing to push back against this awful definition of manhood, you can help show how it's interlinked with fascism and racism, it's inflicting terrible damage on men themselves, and help men understand that they DON'T need to live like that or force themselves into that paradigm in order to be successful. So yeah.

#anonymous #ask #politics for ts

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boyfridged · 10 months

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"a death in the family" is a culmination of many frustrations and insecurities of jay; frustrations and insecurities that would come to light one way or another. jay is angry, yes. he's grieving, he's disappointed, he's scared, he's traumatised, he's lost when it comes to his role as robin and a son, he simultaneously thinks bruce is not doing enough to achieve justice and that he only cares about beating up criminals, he wants his mom, he fights like he has "a death wish"-- and it all spans throughout a couple of days; if you include garzonas' case, which was a trigger for this sudden (when it comes to the sheer intensity of it) breakdown, it's maybe 2/3 weeks at most.

what i'm trying to say, is that it's all based on very real concerns but also that these concerns never took this shape before. they never overlapped to such an extent. jay did not have a long-term issue with trusting bruce before; he did not cry every single night thinking of his parents; he did not think bruce was too busy fighting crime to talk to him; he did not question his place in the family on every step. for all we know, garzonas' case is also the first time jay feels that helpless during an investigation.

it is, in a way, just a very bad week. you know that feeling when you're 14/15, and something shitty just happened, and a family member or a friend says something, and you snap at them and think, or maybe even say-- why are you always like that. and it's not all true, or maybe it is, but it never truly bothered you before. it's also nothing that cannot be fixed or talked about, but you're upset now, and that now feels too much like forever, and when you start thinking about it, that's only one of many many issues you never really considered before, and it's too much to deal at once with, and even if you wanted, you already feel as if it wouldn't work.

it's not merely a hyperbole; some of these things will perhaps hurt a bit forever. but some others are salvageable. some were a lie your anxious brain invented. probably most of them you can live with. of course, the problem is that it doesn't seem to be the case at that specific moment.

and i think this is what jay's anger and despair were in these final week(s); not some great universal truth uncovered. not a complete delusion. just one of these times when everything is too much.

there has to be some nuance in reading aditf because of that. the reader should recognise jay's anguish, but this anguish should not overwrite all the love and trust that jay had for bruce otherwise. there's so much going on there and none of it can be told as a story of absolutes.

#robin days #jay.txt #jay.zip #core texts

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beardedmrbean · 3 months

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Okay am I the only Gen z who got the messages of hunger games and Percy Jackson?

The pjo books pointed out how the Titan Kronos exploited the shitty system the main 12 Olympians created and the much needed reformation the Greco-Roman pantheon needed in their treatments of lesser gods and demigods

The hunger games pointed out how BOTH sides exploit people like Katniss and was as bloodthirsty the capitol leaders.

Y’all remember how district 13 hides bombs in packages which lead to the death of innocent CHILDREN including Katniss sister prim right

Oh and the revolutionaries were planning on doing another hunger games with capitol kids as revenge.

Almost like revolutionaries are as shitty as the oppressors?

*cough* Killmonger *cough*

I mean PJO and Hunger Games gave as much nuance as they could while being published under Disney Hyperion and Scholastic .

But y’all didn’t get the memos

Oh right right my family issues so that why I got it.

Also another thing, the majority of enemies Percy Jackson and other demigods are monsters and gods going like “Your godly parent did something terrible to me so I’m going to take it out on you!”

Just like how for some goddamn reason, a poor white trailer boy is responsible for the evil shit the pilgrims did

But the Benin and Muslim people are A okay despite being the direct descendants of the Dahomey and

*check wiki*

Hmm, the Kashmir genocide, 9/11, the on going rampant killing of Nigerian Christian children by Muslim extremists

Obviously not all of them, but a lot of Gen z doing understand they have the mentality of VILLAINS rather than good people

Oh and my generation saying Osama Bin Laden was right. As a military brat and if I was heard someone say that in public

I will make the hunchback of Norte dome look like Prince Charming after the face rearranging I would do to those wokies

I never read any of those and only saw the first movies of the series's so I can't comment much on that.

Just like how for some goddamn reason, a poor white trailer boy is responsible for the evil shit the pilgrims did But the Benin and Muslim people are A okay despite being the direct descendants of the Dahomey and *check wiki* Hmm, the Kashmir genocide, 9/11, the on going rampant killing of Nigerian Christian children by Muslim extremists Obviously not all of them, but a lot of Gen z doing understand they have the mentality of VILLAINS rather than good people

With the not all of them, yes you're 100% right it's a oddity we get people online making 30 tweet threads about how black Americans are not a monolith but individuals each one being the sum of their own lived experiences which are different from each others.

And then Simone Biles smashes through the record books again (girl is unreal, just wow) and all of a sudden it's melanin power and all that jazz firing right back up. Or god forbid Tim Scott says something

the root: we don't do the HN shame

Also the root: but......

Not so bad as Atlanta Black Star can be but still. ______________

the people cheering on the various Islamic groups confuse the shit out of me, if they think white Europeans were harsh with them they should look up slavery in the middle east.

there were some bright spots yes, but mostly it was slave labor till you could labor no more and then you get left to die

Last place to make slavery illegal was Mauritania in 1982, it was lip service though since having slaves wasn't actually criminalized till 2007.

Still "bonded" servants there too, fancy name for slave/indentured servant for those that may not know that one.

#zoomer huey anon

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eerna · 1 year

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The thing about the show crows that pisses me off is that these characters all had the potential to fall into cliches and archetypes of ya characters in the books, but they all subvert those archetypes in some way or actually have depth and nuance and complexity that actually makes them great characters. the show just completely takes away from that and reduces them back to basic archetypes of these characters that the books were trying to avoid, if that makes sense? They made kaz into the typical broody bad boy character, inej into the morally upright girl boss who can do no wrong, and they dumbed down jesper and made him comedic relief, when in the books the characters weren’t even actually like that at all and actually had so much to their backstories and character development and personalities that just isn’t there in the show. I know that it’s harder to adapt things from books into a show, but it just felt like the writers didn’t even try and it sucks bc the way people see the crows in the show is going to affect how they see them and analyze them when they read the books and it sucks.

You're right... It reminds me of all the "impostor" SoC books that came out afterwards where you could tell the writers wanted so bad to recreate what made the Crows so memorable, but they all failed to make them interesting, so you were left with a bunch of criminals being sexy and throwing quips at each other during a silly heist.

#eernask #eernanon #eernask talk grishaverse #they all act like fanon versions that appear in idk. incorrect quotes or social media aus

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susandsnell · 11 months

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🔥 Batman comics in general

Send me a “ 🔥 “ for an unpopular opinion.

Oooh! I do think a lot of my saltier Batman comics opinions aren't exactly unpopular in nature (too much grimdark and never in the right direction, the misogyny, Killing Joke was a mistake, BruceBabs was a mistake, stop misusing Rogues), so I'll try to bring up some less-discussed ones! (Or at least ones I see discussed less, lol.)

Batfam is conceptually good, but nobody is handling it well. As I've previously expressed, Batfam content constantly oscillates between "Bruce is an abusive kidnapper of traumatized children he trains into child soldiers despite having the means to have them live in luxury, does not provide with love or positive reinforcement, and regularly pits against each other" and some of the most facile, cringey, early 2010s Tumblr conception of found-family to be seen, when I think it's more dramatically effective to find a happy medium between the two. A loving superhero found family with its share of dysfunction, hurts, and mistakes and appropriate nuance being brought to these conflicts is apparently too much to ask for (as is writers remembering Robin(s) and Batgirl literally exist as kid appeal characters).

Likewise, canon Harlivy is seldom handled well. As I said on Twitter the other day, "corporate Pride ate Harlivy". Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy's relationship, both back when it was subtextual and later on as it became Harley's main ship in iterations where she's able to get out of her abusive relationship with the Joker was groundbreaking and important. It was absolutely crucial to middle school me. But somewhere along the way, people lost the plot that they are indeed villainesses (whose queerness was meant to make them more endearing/sympathetic/relatable, but not change this status), and it fell prey to the respectability politics traps that plague just too many sapphic ships once they go canon. In order to be 'good representation', their villainy extends to 'haha RANDOM' irreverent chaos, and their personality gets boiled down to the shallow archetypes of 'chaotic and perky' Harley and 'snarky and sexy' Ivy. Their relationship to one another is 100% fluff, because God knows any nuance, tension, flaws, or friction between two master criminal characters with canonically tragic histories can't possibly be allowed. Because of the misogynistic expectations of Women Being Soft And Good coupled with the homophobic respectability politics of being as toothless, soft, and desexualized as possible to appear nonthreatening, sapphic ships are held to such unfair standards wherein the slightest conflict will be termed abusive and bad representation, and as such, they're written cardboard-flat, and unfortunately, this has befallen Harlivy in most canons where they're together. Even if it's realistically exploring things like recovery for either lady, because that's messy, and complicated, and nonlinear, and who wants that when you can have a memeable 'be gay do crimes'? Oh, but don't worry. Sometimes they will be sexually active - for the titillation of straight men. In-universe. (Don't get me started on the Harley Quinn show...) And poor Selina gets roped into third-wheeling/cheerleading the most boring possible version of them too often...

A lot of the most popular/famous titles are not the better ones. (Not you, Long Halloween, you're a delight and everyone loves you.) Everything that's there to say about The Killing Joke and The Dark Knight Returns has been said better by people smarter and better-versed in comics than me, but Batman: Hush is just contrivance upon contrivance, everyone and their mother is tired of the shit-billion stories about Joker fridging yet another person, and perhaps my most unpopular opinion is that Batman: Year One is entirely overrated. I like the noir atmosphere, the truly corrupted Gotham it gives us, and the sweet triumvirate between Gordon, Harvey, and Bruce, but seeing adaptations like The Batman (2022) and even The Dark Knight (yes, I'm saying something nice about Nolanverse for once lolol) take these elements and do so much more with them really highlights the weaknesses in this story. There's some really good origin/character work for Bruce becoming Batman and the psychology behind it, but past that, not a whole lot happens beyond a very thin and confusing police corruption plot, and everyone is just too damn mean for the sake of the grimdark setting. Bruce injures an already exploited child in the red-light district and sexually harasses the Gordons to throw them off his trail for being Batman, and the latter is played for laughs. Jim cheats on his pregnant wife with a coworker half his age and both women are portrayed as stereotypically in these roles as humanly possible. Selina Kyle is...there, to be angry and sexualized and not much else. It just feels like a lot of buildup without much payoff.

Lastly, and jumping off the above, I'm taking away the Gordon family from writers until they've learned to play nicely with them. I don't know what it is about Jim Gordon that makes writers - men in particular - work through justifying their weird issues about women, but my God, the poor man has been character assassinated to hell and back. (Everyone has in comics, but it's always in the same way with Gordon that properly grosses me out.) If he's not cheating on his housewife with a much younger coworker he's presented as oh-so-noble for not outright workplace harassing, he's neglectful, abusive, or otherwise aggressive to his loved ones in ways that are almost always justified or excused narratively because he's 'dealing with a lot' or xyz past trauma. He's frequently made into a mouthpiece for misogyny, calling women "bitches" in the Arkham series and making other such delightful comments, fetishizing Harlivy (in the Harley Quinn show!), or putting down Barbara's capabilities. If he's written to be struggling with addiction, it's always played as a joke. And for Barbara's part, since The Killing Joke, she's always such a favoured writers' punching bag/doll to put in uncomfortable relationships, often having her talents, skills and intelligence undermined in favour of portraying her as a sex-crazed, overemotional disaster who's in it for the thrills until she is narratively punished in some gendered way. I don't get it! I'm all for what makes characters tick or challenging them or giving them flaws or new horrific situations to work through, but why is it always the same tired, offensive hows and wherefores for the Gordon family? Let them rest!

#abuse mention cw #batman #jim gordon #bat-tag

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strrwbrrryjam · 2 months

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I have to stop myself from writing, "I know its nuanced, I know they're criminals and bad people, etc," each time when talking about rdr2 because when you're talking about their good traits you'll always get people who try to be smartasses and tell you "well, hmm, actually they're killed and robbed people!" trying to one up you and acting like you're stupid for not mentioning their crimes or flaws every time when talking about them, and it's just. it's really annoying.

yes, I know they're nuanced. yes, I know they're not perfect. yes, I know they committed crimes and are bad people. you aren't doing anything here other than being annoying.

#this isnt about anyone specific #it isnt even specific to rdr2 fandom either. its everywhere #its just a common thing that happens. idk.#some people just seem to be allergic to shutting the fuck up for once in their life #strawberry speaks

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bluespiritshonour · 3 months

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IDK why Azula stans hate acknowledging the fact that Azula is both abused and an abuser? Do you know why?

Okay. I gotta make one thing clear: I really like Azula. Is she terrible? Yeah. Is she iconic? Uh... Also yeah.

I really like Azula and I have no problem acknowledging that she's a terrible, terrible person. And a villain.

This is not aimed at you for asking the question, anon. I just wanted to clarify that I absolutely love both Azula and Zuko. 😅

And for that I've often had people come at me for posts that slightly favoured one over the other like—guys, I like them both? They both also have flaws? They both also did horrible things and committed war crimes?

The only difference is that Zuko got a redemption arc while Azula didn't. But... Pointing out one's mistakes in one post doesn't mean I'm trashing them.

Azula did abuse Zuko. She was also abused by Ozai. She and Zuko were both abused by Ozai and in some ways, Zuko had a support system that she didn't.

They both also suffered. But in different ways. Azula had her father's approval but never his love. Her abuse was psychological. While Zuko's was physical and psychological. They're both children abused by a terrible father.

After Zuko breaks free of his need for his father's approval you see that he doesn't hate Azula anymore. Pre-redemption Zuko would've rejoiced winning an Agni Kai against her.

(Which he would've never won because pre-redemption Zuko would also never have accepted Katara's help and she's technically the one who defeated Azula).

But Zuko that has matured simply feels bad for her because no one knows better than him what growing up with their father is like.

Azula looks out for him too. Like, when she knows he's visiting Iroh in prison and doesn't rat him out. She warns him to be careful. She's a lot more brainwashed than he is—but she's also younger!

It's just... complicated.

As someone who loved Azula because she was efficient—and who also loves Zuko because of everything!—like, damn that kid faced the consequences of his actions, didn't he?—well, it doesn't have to be a fight?

To answer your question, I've seen both Azula stans and Zuko stans that do not want any sort of nuance.

I think it has to do with internet extremism and purity culture. People no longer think “I don't like it”—they have to put a “this is morally wrong” spin on it.

I like Azula and she's a terrible person. Doesn't mean she's irredeemable though. I'd love to see an Azula-redemption arc. Since she's a kid and she deserves to heal.

But I can also say that Azula and her war crimes are fictional, I think she's cool. What she does is wrong. People forget that you're allowed to like villains. You're allowed to like grey characters. And most of all, people really need to learn to distinguish between fiction and reality and where what is acceptable.

Which is why a present day piece of media can never pull off a redemption arc like Zuko's. Because of internet purity culture. Like, fuck it, people can barely handle Taigen!

It's okay to like Azula. You don't have to justify her actions for it. You're not a coloniser sympathiser for liking her as long as you realise what she did was wrong and accept it.

—Yours Sincerely,

A citizen of a formerly colonised country who's very painfully aware of the harms of imperialism.

Trying to use her abuse as an excuse isn't the way to go. Same for Zuko! I love ATLA because when Zuko apologies to the gaang, he doesn't once bring up his tragic past. It's not an excuse!

Anyways, anon. Thanks for the ask. I really needed to rant. Sorry it became this behemoth though. Haha.

TLDR: the reason is internet purity culture. People feel guilty for liking a villain. Trust me, liking a fictional bad guy—or a morally grey—or complicated guy—does not make you a bad guy. People need to learn to distinguish between fiction and reality.

And even then, in real life you need to learn what makes criminals if you're to stop crime. For example: how poverty leads to crime and eliminating poverty would go a long way in stopping crime than incarceration does. Like, how probably education and societal change where rape is as unthinkable as cannibalism would do more to prevent rapes than purity culture would. If you get what I mean.

#atla #zuko #azula #avatar the last airbender #anonymous letters #rape mention #for those who might want to filter the tag

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kats-comfort-corner · 4 months

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Unexpected Ch 85 Theory Post

Spoilers under the cut

*deep breath*

HE KNOWS

HE KNEW THE WHOLE TIME

I FUCKING KNEW IT

okay so i don't actually have any definitive proof or substantial evidence beyond this and almost 20 years of an obsession with this character's personality specifically

HOWEVER

Chapter 79

Key Points:

Shikamaru checks in immediately after seeing the weirdness and asks about what happened "when they were attacked by Boruto".

The translation might be a little weird here, 'cause I don't completely understand Eida's response - which is a shame because I think most of the analysis works better when you can grasp the nuance. Anyway, lol.

She starts off saying "Nothing really" - there's a pause where Kawaki tells her to tell Shikamaru that the Hokage's dead. So, jumping from, "Nothing, all good" to "oh shit actually the Hokage is dead, my bad" is maybe slightly suspicious.

Chapter 80

Key Points:

Eida says rather bluntly that the Hokage has been killed by Boruto, but she's under duress with Kawaki's hand to her throat, so maybe she's not sounding like she usually would. Just a guess.

"There's a very high possibility" is not the same as "The Hokage has definitely been killed". I don't think Shikamaru 100% believes Eida, but I do think the possibility is upsetting enough for him to act on it regardless.

Shikadai is actually the main reason I am fairly confident Shikamaru knows something is up because this kid sees all this weird shit that doesn't add up and you know he talks to his dad about it.

Shikadai sees Sasuke take off with Boruto and you think he's not going to go to his dad like, "hey what the fuck?"

They're Naras, y'all. Come on now.

Chapter 81

Key Points:

Shikamaru is the Hokage now, apparently.

Okay, that's actually a huge factor to consider as well because I don't think he would take that position if he didn't believe Naruto was still alive and able to take it back as soon as he was found. Shikamaru doesn't want to be Hokage, are you kidding me?

"The sanctions against Boruto were in accordance with regulations." "It's also the will of the Hidden Leaf's citizens." "No matter what I order, it won't convince them."

These are not comments that come from someone dead set on hunting down and punishing a criminal that murdered a political leader. This is the kind of thing you say when you're like, "listen, yes, but also bureaucracy is a bitch and I've gotta keep up appearances or someone else will actually hunt Boruto down and kill him".

He's less worried about the fact Sarada is trying to protect Boruto and more worried about how she's doing it. In my opinion. This is not a fact, I just wanted to point it out, lol.

Again, Shikadai hears Naruto's daughter, and who is currently perceived as being Kawaki's sister, say she wants to protect Boruto who supposedly killed her dad. She also said she feels like he's alive somewhere, and I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts that is something a lot of other folks, including Shikamaru, feel as well.

Shikamaru's reaction to when Boruto arrives pretty much solidified my belief that he knows something is up and he doesn't think Boruto killed Naruto, or at the very least that Naruto could still be alive and there's more going on with this whole situation, so he's not eager to jump the gun and kill a child. Which is more than I can say for some of our pol- nevermind ignore this

Shikamaru's reaction to hearing Code is there and attacking people: Orders an evacuation and tries to figure out why Code is attacking, immediately concerned about the safety of the villagers.

Shikamaru's reaction to hearing Boruto just showed up: Prioritize Code and the claw marks, but keep tabs on Boruto without suggesting any kind of attack or restraint or anything like that. He's not worried about Boruto. But he is wanting to gather more intel on the situation as a whole, which makes sense, all things considered.

Chapter 82

Key Notes:

Very intentional frame of Shikadai seeing Kawaki show up, Kawaki shouting for Himawari and Inojin to move out of the way so he can attack a claw thing, not worrying about their safety at all.

Himawari calls him "Big Bro" and Kawaki tells her not to call him that. Not very big brotherly. Again, Shikadai is there for this. Along with everyone else, so. You know, things are kind of weird. These are weird dynamics that are not matching up with their false memories.

Chapter 83

Key Points:

Shikamaru, again, wants Kawaki to focus on eliminating Code - who is an actual threat - and pretty much ignores Boruto because he's not a concern.

Focuses on getting rid of the claw things even after Code has run off, prioritizing keeping him away and protecting the villagers instead of "trying to bring a Hokage killer to justice" or whatever the fuck people are trying to do with Boruto.

Chapter 84

Key Notes:

What Shikamaru took away from Kawaki's breakdown of the situation was that Boruto only came to the village to deal with Code. Meaning that Boruto was never a threat to the village, and there's no reason to worry about him, but it also probably indicates that there is something worth doing more digging into to figure out what the fuck is going on with all of the discrepancies in his memory that I'm sure are pissing him off.

"It better not be someone in the sensory unit."

Kawaki doesn't trust Shikamaru, and probably not anyone else in Konoha. That's not a very "Naruto's son" kind of attitude to have. The fact Shikamaru doesn't seem phased by that distrust means he's either been dealing with it for three years already, has been suspicious of Kawaki this whole time, and more likely both of those things.

Also, what the fuck, that sounds threatening? Ino would kick Kawaki's ass. I'd love to see him try though, lol. No I wouldn't, don't do that please.

Weird tensions between Kawaki (supposedly Naruto's son) and Sarada (Sasuke's daughter). If it were a rivalry, that'd make sense. But the hostility between them? Nah, that don't track.

Sarada basically confirming that Boruto was after Code and most likely trying to find a way to save the people who have been turned into trees. A very "Naruto's son" kind of attitude.

Chapter 85

Key Notes:

BOY. IF AMADO KNOWS, SHIKAMARU HAS KNOWN THE WHOLE GOD DAMN TIME

His face is hidden and he's not surprised or saying anything because if he's been trying to figure this shit out without tipping anyone off WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU SAY

Especially if he doesn't want Eida to know that he knows, because jesus christ her powers are scary and he's probably not eager to have to add that into the mess of variables he's already tangling with.

In Summary

Main Points

Shikamaru has been suspicious of this shit since omnipotence went off and fucked with people's heads.

Shikadai has been privy to some strangeness around Himawari, Kawaki and Boruto at the same time, and I can't imagine that he hasn't asked his dad about it or something. So whatever Shikadai has seen, I assume Shikamaru is somewhat aware of or we'll see a scene where something Shikadai saw or something he says makes it all click into place when his dad hears about it.

Shikamaru's language and attitude around Boruto have been intentionally vague and avoidant. It's the "will of the village", following the system's rules, etc. etc.

Shikamaru's more concerned with Code as a threat than with tracking down Boruto, which conveniently gives him an excuse to not pursue Boruto and prioritize the safety of the village at the same time.

Amado knows? Then Shikamaru has known. No doubt. There was a whole ass chapter where Shikamaru outsmarted Amado. Narratively speaking, we've got a point of reference for why there's a parallel here with Amado talking about this out loud and getting to see Shikamaru's reaction - or in this case, lack thereof - to hearing it.

Conclusion

Shikamaru continues to be the coolest man alive. Thank you for coming to my TED talk, byyyeeee

#boruto #naruto #boruto spoilers #naruto spoilers #manga #breakdown #analysis #shikamaru #shikamaru nara #boruto 85 #i didn't mean to spend so much time on this #woops lol #not my fault he's interesting af #also even if he doesn't wanna be hokage he's still a good one #js #yall stop being rude to him is2g

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