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theonevoice · 8 months

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Rumination n. 5 - What if Aziraphale can make a difference? On choosing each other, for real

There is a scene in s2 that I keep thinking about, and I don't see it discussed almost at all: it's the first conversation between Michael and Uriel after Gabriel's disappearance.

This is a power struggle. Very human, not celestial at all, fight for power. It's not even hidden or coded.

Now - and this could just be my brain getting smooth over this show that is devouring my soul - the more I think about this moment, the more I am convinced that this very human moment (and its various subsequent reprises) is signaling us that Heaven has, so to speak, "margin for improvement." And probably so does Hell.

I feel that we have been oversimplifying Heaven and Hell because they "look" simple and monolytical, especially when compared to the nuanced worldview that Aziraphale and Crowley developed over their 6000 years of experience on Earth. But there are some heavy "shades of grey" in Heaven. They are ruthless, for a start (see the Fall and, well, most of what happens in the Bible). They are proud and arrogant (see how they behave with Aziraphale and "37th order scrivener, but, you know, noone" Muriel). They are power-angry (which, in the context of an existence that doesn't need money or power, its just a symptom of vanity, in my opinion). They have far more human-like qualities than they should, we just don't give much attention to them because our focus is squarely on their stiff adherence to the "Heavenly code" and their role as antagonists/enemies of the protagonists.

Same goes for Hell, with opposite sign: Hastur was shocked by the destruction of Ligur, Shax and Furfur appear to have some form of camaraderie or loyalty towards each other, the demon Josh notices that Beelzebub is acting weird and asks them if they're feeling alright, and Beelzebub, well, is a Grand Duke of Hell capable of falling in love.

So, what if, given this margin, Aziraphale can make a difference?

Until now, if I am not mistaken, the most common take on what expects Aziraphale as Supreme Archangel is "he's going to realize that Heaven cannot be fixed and he will have to finally drop his idealized delusion and fight his way back to Crowley." Which I personally love as a scenario (but, to be honest, I am loving almost any GO scenario that floats in my direction: the creativity of this fandom is unbelievable and so respectful of the characters that every speculation feels like it could be Neil Gaiman's work), but it could undermine the weight of his choice.

Because choice is a theme in this show: not choice as in "choosing sides," but choice as in "making up one's mind and taking a serious, conscious, thought-through decision." And if Heaven is just a lost cause, unable to change and irredimable, then it's not much of a choice for Aziraphale to go back to Crowley. But if Heaven does react to change, if the human-like qualities that other archangels have displayed become a bridge, and Aziraphale, with his warmth and kindness and softness, actually manages to bring Michael and Uriel and others on more reasonable positions - then his choice becomes a real choice that he has to make.

Not the "easy" choice between reality and delusion but a hard choice between Crowley and the real opportunity to be the one who makes a difference.

(I am still slightly infatuated with the possibility that, just before the Fall, it was an already damned Crowley who asked him to "be a good angel" and "make a difference" because he could see how genuinely good Aziraphale was, compared to the "institutional goodness" of the others, but I have already blabbered about this in another rumination)

Also, I read a brilliant post a couple of weeks back (I will edit as soon as I find it again) about how, despite their appearance and demeanour, Crowley is basically an engineer, "armed" with a tool for creating cosmic machinery and putting it in motion, while Aziraphale is a fighter, armed with an actual sword. And this got me thinking again: in Christian iconography, Michael is the belligerant archangel, the one who is recognizable by his sword. Now, Neil Gaiman does not let pre-existing traditions dictate what he writes, obviously. But still, we could witness an unforseen connection between Aziraphale and, against all odds, the other sword-wielding entity, Michael: and it could led to some unexpected coalition, possibly even against the Metatron and the plans regarding the Second Coming.

After all, in a way, Michael has already displayed many human and very shades-of-gray traits: let's not forget that, already in s1, it was Michael the one communicating on the "grapevine that obviously doesn't exist" with Hell (I believe behind Gabriel's back: the more I rewatch it, the more I think that he honestly didn't know about it) and still is in s2. It was Michael the one bringing Holy Water downstairs. It is Michael the one that has first-hand experience of what it means to "collaborate with the enemy" in order to get things done.

I don't know how likely this is but it seems to me that it would be interesting if Aziraphale, instead of just leaving Heaven in disgust after some failed attempt at "fixing it," will have to make the hard choice between a Heaven that was starting, for real, to show signs of improvement and his old life on Earth with Crowley.

And something similar could happen on the other side, should Crowley go back to Hell (either out of rage and desperation or because something comes up that forces him to do so). Maybe he could find for the first time ever a sense of "demonic brotherhood" with his "colleagues" (maybe Shax and Furfur themselves). Something that he had never imagined during the six millennia he has spent believing to be alone in the universe if not for Aziraphale.

Maybe their reunion will be about having an alternative to their life together and choosing it anyway. If you think about it, one thing that they never had to do was deciding to be together instead of being somewhere else, doing something else, with somebody else. Being the two of them has always been their only reality - dangerous and hidden, of course, but undisputed, in a way: together since the early days in the Garden, noone else around to compete with that, no other supernatural person-shaped entity to serve as a potential alternative. Their respective head offices are two opposite voids, two negative spaces that have literally nothing that could attract them. Of course, they are in love with each other and they would probably be in love with each other in any possible alternative universe, but it's not like they have chosen to be with each other, they were just the only two person-shaped entities around, pulled together by the gravity of their respective loneliness and fears, doubts and little joys.

But if in s3 we see them acquire "alternatives", something else of value that exists outside their group of the two of them, then they will have to choose their life together for real, this time.

#good omens #good omens 2 #go2 #good omens thoughts #good omens 2 spoilers #go 2 speculation #crowley #aziraphale #go2 spoilers #ineffable husbands #ineffable divorce

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resident-gay-bitch · 1 year

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Day Three of @steddie-week - discover / first kiss / kiss on my list

find the previous day here :)

The afterlife wasn’t what Eddie thought it would be. Granted, he didn’t think it would be like anything. He’d gone the majority thinking that after death there's just… nothing. Like, it’s just death. Eternal darkness. Whatever. Most people would give him weird looks when he’d say that, most believing in at least a Heaven and Hell, but Eddie didn’t care. It’s what he believed, and that was that.

But if there was an afterlife, this was certainly far from what he’d expected. You know, maybe it would be insanely hot or cold, like just a severely uncomfortable temperature, and decolate lonesome, maybe some form of morbid torture, or the distrant screams of other lost souls drifting through the halls of corridors of Hell. Or, on the slight chance he’d made it to Heaven, he’d get greeted by some angel or whatever and everyone would be in white togas or something.

He certainly didn’t expect the afterlife to look like a hospital room, or to sound like a beeping machine and snoring and distant laughter, or smell oddly sterile, or feel comfortably warm.

He also didn’t expect to feel super good about it.

“Jesus- kid!” He heard a gruff voice say, and it was familiar.

What the fuck was Uncle Wayne doing in my afterlife?

And then his body was shocked with the warm feeling of a full bodied hug and his senses were filled with the thick scent of a woody aftershave and cheap detergent and instant coffee, and Eddie couldn’t care to question why his uncle was dead too, he just wanted to hug him. He hadn’t hugged him in a very long time, and right now, it felt super nice.

It was a long hug too, and he was pretty sure Wayne was crying.

He hadn’t seen Wayne cry, ever, except for that one day when Eddie got put into his care after his mother had died.

Wayne pulled back and planted his hands sternly on Eddie’s shoulders, and his cheeks were all wet and his under eyes were all swollen, and it was a very strange thing to look at. Wayne wasn’t a vulnerable person, and he allowed himself to be vulnerable around Eddie, when Eddie was hurting, but never to this extent. The man looked distraught.

Eddie supposed he did just die, so it was nice to know one person wasn’t feeling so hot about it.

“Never do that again, kid.”

Eddie furrowed his brow, “Do what?” His voice sounded weird, a little scratchy. It bugged him out.

“Die.” Wayne said sternly.

Eddie pulled a weird face and started to giggle, “Erm, I don’t think I can promise that, Wayne.”

“Promise it.” He pressed again.

“I promise… I will not… try to die.” Eddie said with a nod and another giggle, “I don’t have much say over the matter.”

“Fine.” Wayne gruffed, and then pointed a finger at him, “No dying until I’m long dead.”

Eddie didn’t like the sound of that. Of Wayne dying. Wayne wasn’t supposed to die. That’s just not a thing that can happen. Eddie needs him too much.

Wait.

Waynes already dead… if they’re here.

In the afterlife.

Oh my god, Waynes dead.

Eddie started hyperventilating.

“Wo- woah, woah, what’s going on, son?” Wayne pressed a hand over Eddie’s hear and tried to calm him, “I- I’m sorry, I’m not… I didn’t mean- I didn’t-”

“No!” Eddie shook his head, he felt frantic. Wayne couldn’t be dead. He just… he couldn’t. He wasn’t supposed to die! Fuck, “Wh- why are you here?”

“I’m-” Wayne looked like he was choking up and Eddie hated it, “Wh- what did I do? How can I… g- get a nurse-”

“Hey.” Another voice drifted into the picture and Eddie felt another set of hands on his chest and shoulder, slowly guiding him back down into his pillows, “Hey… hey… shhh.”

“Wh- what’s…” Eddie looked at the voice, and it was an Angel.

Huh, Eddie always thought Angels were supposed to be like, those big scary things with the eye in the middle and like, rings around it or too many wings, and it looked like it was supposed to trip you out. That’s what the damn Bible said. But hey, he guessed humans got something right.

They were beautiful creatures, Angels. They had soft features, and pretty pink lips, and freckles smattered over rosy cheeks, and gorgeous eyes, and strong shoulders, and fluffy brown hair, and moles that scattered it’s tanned skin, and muscles, and wore yellow sweaters.

Eddie relaxed a little in the Angel's presence.

He never thought himself religious, but after coming face first with divinity such as this, Eddie thought he might start praying every day.

“Relax. You’re okay.” The Angel said again, and Eddie listened, “What’s wrong?”

“He can’t be here.” Eddie whined, he felt his eyes grow a little wet and he struggled to lift a hand high enough to point back at Wayne.

The Angel furrowed its pretty brow, “Why not?”

“He can’t.” Eddie shook his head, a stern whisper, “It’s too soon.”

The Angel clenched his jaw, “Do… Do you want him to leave?”

“Please.” Eddie begged, because if anyone could grant life to a mortal again, it would be this Angel, wouldn’t it?

“Really?” Wayne croaked, and Eddie turned to look at him, “You don’t want me here, kid?”

Eddie shook his head, Wayne has to live. He has to. Eddie wont be okay if he doesn't.

Wayne's breath hitched, “W- well, alright then.” He stepped away from the bed and Eddie already missed him, “B-bye.”

Eddie looked at the Angel with desperation, “He’s going to be okay?”

The Angel swallowed, “Hes… what?”

“You’re going to make sure he’s okay?” Eddie pressed, and he really hoped this Angel did what was best for Wayne, “You’re going to watch over him?”

“Sorry?” The Angel looked confused.

Weird. It must be his first week on the job or something.

“Will my uncle be okay down there?”

“Down where?” The angel asked and looked over to Wayne.

“On earth.” Eddie said with a sassy shake of his head, because where the fuck else would he be talking about?, “Where people live?”

“Wh-”

“Eddie.” Wayne interrupted, stepping a little closer, “Are… Where do you think you are right now?”

“I dunno.” Eddie shrugged, “Heaven? Is that what you call it here?” He looked back to the Angel.

“Heaven?” Wayne asked again, “Didn’t think you believed in that-”

“Shh!” Eddie pulled a stern face at him and gestured his head toward the Angel, “Don’t tell it that.”

“It?” The Angel asked.

Eddie turned back to the beautiful entity, “Do Angels have gender?”

The Angel furrowed its brow again, and Eddie heard Wayne snicker from behind him, and then the Angels' already rosy cheeks turned even pinker, “E- Eddie…” it knew his name? Fuck, of course it knew his name, it was a damn Angel. But Eddie was still a little awestruck because wow, something that beautiful is addressing him?, “Do- do you think I’m an Angel?”

Eddie blushed a little this time, “Am I not supposed to figure it out?” He thought for a moment. Maybe Angels take the form of a human to blend in, to not scare people with their super big scary eye or whatever, “Sorry- I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”

The Angel smiled, and it was so pretty. It had a lovely set of pearly whites too, and Eddie maybe wanted to run his fingers along them.

“Ed…” Wayne put his warm, roughed up hand on Eddie’s forearm and smiled, “Do you think you’re dead?”

Eddie nodded, as if it was obvious, “I died… it was… oh, Wayne, it hurt so bad.” He scoffed and shook his head, “Wished you were there… but it’s okay. I had Dustin… and Steve.”

Wayne’s eyes widened a little, “Oh, you had Steve did you?”

Eddie nodded, “Yeah…” He sighed a little dreamily, “He’s so handsome.” And then he giggled.

Wayne grinned almost evilly and sat himself back down in his chair, “I bet he is. Did you tell him?”

“Oh yeah.” Eddie nodded, “He was the last thing I saw, you know? Such a pretty face.”

The Angel's breath hitched behind him, and then Eddie turned to look at it. The Angel sat down too, and Eddie thought it kind of looked a little like Steve. A lot like Steve, actually. It was so pretty.

Eddie giggled and reached a finger out to draw it over the Angels cheek, down over its nose and the top of its lip, “Like you… but… sorry, Steve’s more beautiful.”

“What?” A third voice entered the conversation, with a little shriek. Eddie looked over to see… oh no, Dustin. Dustin dropped all his things and threw himself at Eddie, climbing up onto the bed and wrapping himself around him, “You’re okay!”

Why was everyone dead?

Eddie held Dustin tight and looked to the Angel, “Why is he here too?”

It looked confused again, and so did Dustin. Dustin looked actually quite hurt, much like Wayne did before, “You… you don’t want to see me?”

Eddie shook his head, “Of course I want to see you…” He looked back to the Angel, “Take him back.”

“Take him back?” The Angel asked.

“Both of them!” Eddie felt himself well up a little.

“Is he okay?” He heard a fourth voice whisper, and he looked over to see Scott whispering in Wayne's ear.

No! Not Mr. Clark too. Fuck, why was everyone dead?

“All of them.” Eddie demanded, “Make them all live again!”

“Eddie thinks he’s dead.” Wayne said simply, addressing Dustin and his partner, “He’s high on pain meds, and he thinks Steve is an Angel, and we're all dead here with him in the afterlife.”

Scott seemed to relax a little at that as he sat down next to Wayne, and Dustin slumped back into Eddie’s chest.

“Your name is Steve?” Eddie asked the Angel, “Did you steal his face, and his name?”

The Angel- well, Steve apparently - blushed and smiled a little bit, “I’m really sorry.”

Eddie sighed and pouted, “I suppose it is a nice way to settle me in.”

“Yeah?” Steve asked.

Eddie hummed, “So beautiful.”

Dustin made a strange sound, “Steve?”

“It’s not Steve.” Eddie pressed, and looked back at the Angel, “I’m very sorry, Angel. You are beautiful, but you don’t compare to my Stevie, so I cannot call you that.”

The Angel turned very red. Eddie hoped he didn’t make it too angry, but he just couldn’t replace his Steve like that.

“Your Stevie?” Dustin screeched.

Eddie felt his heart drop.

“He… he said that before I…” He swallowed. His head suddenly felt very clouded and if he wasn’t already dead, he’s sure this might just kill him, “Please tell me I didn’t make that up… I can’t have made that up. I- I need it to be real. For so long, I’ve… he… he said he sees- please tell me I didn’t make it up. Please tell me he called himself mine.”

He looked desperately to the Angel, because they were supposed to be these… be all, know all creatures. And Eddie was sure that if it didn’t know, it could just check in with God or something.

“Please tell me it’s true.” Eddie sobbed, his eyes pleading, he suddenly felt very tired again.

The Angel looked a little saddened as it looked at Eddie, still red in the cheeks. It smiled softly, it’s eyes darted over to Wayne and then it ducked its head, “N- no. You didn’t make it up, Eddie.” Oh, sweet heavens, literally. Eddie was okay now, “I- he… he really said that. Steve said he’ll be yours, as long as you’ll have him.”

Eddie smiled dreamily and sunk back into his pillows, “I’ll have him forever. I’ll wait for him. Can you tell him I’ll wait for him?” He looked between Dustin and his uncles, “When the Angel takes you back to earth, will you tell Steve I’ll wait for him? He can have a happy, long life without me, and when he gets really old and dies of old person things and comes here, I’ll be waiting.”

Wayne gave him a very soft smile, “I’m pretty sure he already knows, Ed-”

“Just promise.” Eddie said sternly, “He has to know that I love him.”

The Angel gasped and Eddie looked over to it.

“You-” It shook its pretty head, “Love?”

Eddie nodded, his eyes very droopy now, “Hey Dustin?”

“Yeah?” He responded, his voice a little drifty, like his head wasn’t fully in the game.

“Can you look after Stevie?”

“Yeah.” Dustin nodded and looked over to the Angel with a sweet smile that Eddie really loved, “Promise I’ll look after him.”

“Good- and- and you too. Look after yourself… too.” He closed his eyes and hummed.

“Okay.” Dustin whispered, “Hey, Eddie?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you just… one more time for us, tell us how pretty you think Steve is?”

Eddie heard a swatting sound, like someone just got smacked. He couldn’t help but smile, of course, every time Steve popped into his head he had to smile. He loved Steve. And Steve was so pretty. Prettier than a goddamned Angel, apparently.

“Oh, he’s so pretty.” Eddie giggled and pried opened his eyes, “Don’t you think?”

“I mean, I don’t think.” Dustin shrugged, “Max does-”

“What?” The Angel said.

“I dunno, it’s the chest hair.” Dustin said.

The Angel shrunk down into its seat with more blush in it’s cheeks.

“Why don’t you think?” Eddie gasped and looked at the Angel, “Look, is that not super pretty.”

“Erm…”

“But, make it less blurry, and a little bitchy, and then you’ll have Stevie.”

“Blurry?”

“It’s so blurry in here.” Eddie said, and then he giggled, “You look so fuzzy.”

“Bitchy?” The Angel asked, and crossed its legs with a little sass.

“Mhm.” Eddie nodded, “Bitchy- Wayne knows.”

“I do.” He grinned and nodded at the Angel, “Steve’s sassy.”

The Angel's eyes widened and it lowered his head, as if it was shy, “Is not.”

Eddie giggled again, “So bitchy.” He bit his lip just thinking about it. Every bitchy remark he’d heard get called in school. The bitchy remarks thrown his way in the last week of Eddie’s life. The little hand on the hips pose he’d pull when giving one of the freshmen a look of disapproval. So bitchy, “So hot.”

“Okay.” Dustin said quickly and shook his head, “Time for night night’s, Eddie.”

Eddie pouted.

“You’ll be able to see Steve when you wake up.”

Eddie immediately closed his eyes, and everyone laughed a little. He thought for a moment- he did not want another dead person in here. He opened his eyes again, and Dustin groaned.

“He can’t be dead too.”

Dustin made a strangled face.

“Like…” Scott leant forward to speak, “You’ll be able to look down and watch over him.”

Eddie relaxed instantly. He liked the idea of that very much. Hopefully he could help keep Steve out of trouble too. Guide him in the right direction.

“And you’ll re-alive all of them?” Eddie asked the Angel, pointing out at the three people in the room.

“Promise.” The Angel nodded once.

“Okay.” Eddie smiled and closed his eyes again, thankfully, he was so tired, “Night night.”

“Night night.” Wayne said with a little chuckle, and then Eddie was out.

When Eddie woke up again, the room was very dark. He rubbed his eyes and groaned. It was a good sleep, a very good sleep. He had a dull ache in his side, and an ache in his bones he supposed was from not moving in a while and sleeping on this rock of a mattress. He looked around and vaguely remembered waking up in a hospital room before, but he didn’t think it was a hospital room before.

He looked around to see Dustin weirdly splayed out on an armchair he was pretty sure Wayne occupied before, and then he found someone else sitting in a little chair on the other side of his bed. His face smushed down into the mattress by Eddie’s hips, his hand reached up over Eddie’s thigh and rested on his stomach- his fingers intertwined with Eddie’s own.

Oh god, it was Steve. Steve in his sweet yellow sweater, sleeping uncomfortably, half on Eddie’s bed, holding Eddie’s hand.

Why did he remember an Angel sitting in that same position?

He gently stroked his thumb over the back of Steve's warm hand that- ohhh, Eddie couldn’t believe he was holding. All his dreams were coming fucking true.

And not only that, but he lived. He lived and Steve was holding his hand.

Life was looking up for Eddie.

He dared to reach out and run his fingers through the soft hair on Steve's head, and it was even better than he’d imagined. Light and fluffy, silky and smooth, so soft. Eddie hoped Steve would let him do this forever. He played with Steve's hair as carefully as he could, trying to remain soothing so he wouldn’t wake.

But it was useless. Steve lifted his head and yawned and looked at Eddie, and all Eddie could do was freeze. He froze, one hand sitting in Steves, and the other sitting flat atop his head. They both blinked, once, twice, and then Steve was smiling.

“You’re awake.”

Eddie nodded.

“Your hand is on my head.”

“Sorry.” Eddie swallowed and pulled it back.

Steve laughed, “It’s okay, it felt nice.” He laid his head back down on the mattress, but this time he turned so he could face Eddie, “Keep doing it?”

Ah, this must be the universe apologising for all the fucked up shit that’s happened. Eddie ran his hand through Steve’s soft hair again.

“You still high?”

Eddie snickered, “Don’t think so.”

“Good.” Steve smiled, “Whilst that was really funny, it did bring up some awkward conversations.”

“Oh god…” Eddie swallowed, “What did I say?”

“Well, for one… you thought Wayne was dead and then you thought the same about Dustin and Mr. Clark- who, by the way, was a shock to see here.”

Eddie snickered, “Oh, yeah…well, you can understand why it’s not common knowledge that they’re together- you don’t have an issue-”

“No, god no.” Steve rolled his eyes, “Just… my middle school science teacher was the last person I expected to see waiting at your bedside, crying over you.”

Eddie’s heart swelled, “How long was I out for?”

“Three days.” Steve said with a sigh, “And then you passed out for another seven hours… Wayne and Scott have gone home to shower, they’ll be back in an hour or two.”

“Okay.” Eddie said quietly.

“You also thought I was an Angel.”

Ah.

“Right.”

“It was… amusing.” Steve smiled, “You kept asking me to make sure they’d all be resurrected.”

Eddie laughed softly, “And I see you’ve done your job well.”

“I take it very seriously.” Steve nodded.

“As you should.”

Steve gave Eddie a warm smile and closed his eyes for a moment. Eddie felt him squeeze his hand softly, like he just needed a moment to process it - Eddie, being alive and here right now, with Steve.

The thought of that gave Eddie butterflies.

Steve opened his eyes again, and Eddie had to take a moment to appreciate just how beautiful they were. The room was dark, but there was just enough moonlight being cast through the window (and glowing flashy things on Eddie’s heart rate monitor and everything all around him) to illuminate his soft features, and Eddie thought maybe that Angel was still in the room with him. Steve could very well be one, with beauty like that and a heart like his.

“What are you thinking about?” Steve whispered after a while.

Before Eddie even processed the question properly, his damn mouth was betraying him and speaking on its own accord, “You.”

“Ew.”

Eddie’s heart sank. Ew? Ew? Okay, Eddie could handle a little rejection, but he thought Steve might be a little more mature about it than that.

Only it wasn’t Steve that said that, was it?

“Get a goddamned room.” Dustin groaned and rubbed his eyes before flopping into another uncomfortable looking position.

“We have one.” Steve sat up, resting his elbow of the arm that held Eddie’s hand on the mattress and the other one gestured to the entire room, “You’re just in it.”

Dustin groaned and pulled the blanket up over his head, “Gross.”

“You’re gross.” Steve snapped back.

“Stop.”

“We were having a moment, Dustin.” Steve cocked his head at the boy, who was still hiding behind his blanket, “And you ruined it.”

“Stop having moments when there are fourteen year olds in the room then.”

“Sorry that Eddie woke up whilst you were in here. Not my fault.”

Eddie was enjoying this conversation very much. Watching on with a bright smile.

“It’s entirely your fault.” Dustin pulled the blanket back and deadpanned him.

“Listen here you little shit.” Steve whispered sternly and pointed a finger at him, “You either shut up and go back to sleep, or you go get a soda or something.”

“I’m tired.” Dustin whined.

“Sleep then.” Steve wabbled his head.

“You’re so annoying.”

Steve gave the kid the bitchiest smile he could muster, “Likewise.”

Dustin flipped him off, and Steve flipped him off right back.

Eddie looked at Steve dreamily and bit his lip.

“Oh ew.” Dustin said again and kicked his covers off, “Eddie, get a grip man.”

Eddie blinked and looked at Dustin a little confused, so did Steve.

“Steve, never be bitchy around Eddie again, look at him. This is repulsive.” Dustin muttered and grabbed his backpack off the floor, “I’m getting a soda.”

Steve snickered and winked at him, “Have fun.”

Dustin flipped him off again and left the room.

“What?” Eddie muttered.

“Apparently you like it when I’m bitchy.” Steve said simply, shuffling his chair a little closer to lay his head down again. However this time, rather than resting it on the mattress, he rested it on Eddie’s thigh.

Eddie turned bright fucking red and Steve giggled. How the fuck did he know that?

“You talk a lot when high.”

Eddie smiled shily, oh, “Ah, yeah… that’s… that’s something I’m working on.”

Steve laughed. They fell into a comfortable silence again, and Eddie rested his hand on the back of Steve's head and sifted his stiff fingers through Steve’s hair. He honestly couldn’t get enough of it. He tensed when he noticed that Steve had started to cry. He stopped his movements entirely, looking down at him as the tears started to fall from his pretty eyes.

“Don’t stop.” Steve sobbed, his voice so brittle and quiet, on the verge of breaking, “Please don’t stop.”

So Eddie didn’t. He tightened his grip on Steve's warm hand (which was a little clammy now, but so was his own) and continued to run his fingers through Steve's hair. Steve cried, but it wasn’t a broken cry, it didn’t twist his gut and make him hurt. It was soft, almost as delicate as a flower. Eddie felt a little strange for thinking this, but it was a pretty cry. Steve looked awfully pretty whilst crying right now. He switched between quietly sobbing with his eyes closed, leaning into Eddie’s thigh and soaking the blankets with his tears, to just looking at Eddie with a saddened smile, the tears still falling and his lip still trembling, but not as painful. He thought maybe Steve was fighting between emotions; finally letting himself feel all the pain they had to go through, and being so utterly grateful that they were alive, and here, together. And so Eddie kept stroking his hair, and offered Steve small smiles, and that’s all he could do, and that’s all that Steve needed.

He found it a little ironic, actually. Well, not ironic, more so just… bittersweet. When Eddie was bleeding out in Steve’s arms, Steve ran his fingers through Eddie’s hair to soothe him and it made him feel a little calmer. And now, here Steve was, crying to Eddie, looking more vulnerable than Eddie had ever seen him, and Eddie was stroking Steve's hair.

He thought it was a little poetic, in a messed up sort of way.

“Thank you.” Steve sobbed with a sort of sniffle that followed. He dragged their joint hands towards his face, and kissed Eddie’s knuckles that were a little roughed up and scarred, now that he looked at them, “Thank you.”

Eddie swallowed the lump in his throat, he had a feeling Steve wasn’t thanking him for stroking his hair.

“Of course, Stevie.” Eddie whispered.

“I’m so glad you’re here.” He squeezed Eddie’s hand.

“Me too, Sweetheart.” He fluffed Steve's hair, and Steve smiled, blooming pink again.

He sobbed into Eddie’s thigh again, and Eddie’s eyes suddenly felt very wet themselves.

“Come here.” He whispered, gently nudging Steve's shoulder.

Steve sat up - their hands very unfortunately disconnecting - and he wiped his cheeks with the sleeve of his sweater, “You sure?”

Eddie smiled and pet the spot on his bed beside him, and peeled back the covers, “Ah… don’t mind the hospital gown, promise I’m usually more decently dressed than this.”

Steve laughed wetly and climbed up onto the bed beside Eddie, and curled into his side, his head resting on Eddie’s chest, one of his legs hooked over Eddie’s. Eddie tucked the covers back up around their waists and put his arm around Steve, fighting off the pain that came with.

Steve took his hand again, and looked up at Eddie.

This would probably be the right time, if ever, for Eddie to lean down and kiss those pretty swollen lips of Steves. To hold him and tell him he loved him. To say everything and nothing at all. But a horrible feeling sunk deep in his chest told him not too. It ate away at him and told him Steve would never want that. It’s just the heat of the moment. Don’t be stupid, Eddie.

Eddie swallowed and laid back into his pillows, looking up at the roof. Steve sighed and settled in against him, his thumb now rubbing soft circles over the back of Eddie’s hand. Eddie sifted a hand through his hair again.

I love you, Eddie thought to himself, I love you with every bone in my body, and all the blood in my veins.

“Oh god.” Dustin groaned as he walked back into the room, “It’s gotten worse.”

Eddie couldn’t help but grin as the boy flopped down into his chair again.

“What’s your problem, Dustin?” Steve whispered, his voice still wet from crying, but he was doing his best to put on a brave face for the kid, “I thought you wanted me and Eddie to like eachother.”

“Yeah…” Dustin shook his head at them like this was an obvious fact, “But not this much.”

Eddie felt his cheeks blush.

“So, you wanted us to be humble acquaintances?” Eddie asked, his fingers playing with the hairs at the high of Steve's neck.

“No.” Dustin scoffed and sipped on his soda, “I wanted you to be friends… like, good friends.”

“Ah, we are good friends.” Steve said.

“No.” Dustin shook his head, “You’re like, in love with each other. I don’t need my two big brother figures being in love with each other, that’s gross.”

“You think of us like brothers?” Steve asked, a little in awe.

Eddie couldn’t help but feel the same, “Yeah, you think-”

“I shouldn’t have said that.” Dustin muttered.

Wait.

“Steve.”

Steve tensed, “Y… yeah?”

“Are you…” Eddie swallowed, “Are you in love with me?”

Steve furrowed his brow and looked up at Eddie, “Well…” He shrugged.

They could both feel Dustin glaring at them from over there.

“You- you want me?” Eddie’s breath caught in his throat.

“Yeah.” Steve said, as easy as breathing, “Do… you remember our conversation before you- before?”

That was real?

“Wait…” Dustin stood up, “You mean to tell me that you’re here, cuddled up in bed, and you think this is just… friends being friends?”

Eddie’s eyes widened and he felt himself blush a little more, “Is it not?”

“Have you not been making out in my absence?”

“Making out?” Eddie almost shouted.

“Ah, no.” Steve said, “Eddie just woke up from a coma, Dustin. As if I’m just going to have a heated makeout session with him about it!”

“Have you kissed?”

“Not yet!” Steve skwarked, “What did I just say?”

“Well, I’d assumed you’d have kissed him- Jesus… it’s just been Eddie this, Eddie that, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie for the past three and a half days Steve.” Dustin folded his arms over his chest and sassed him.

Steve deadpanned him, “Now you know how I feel.”

Dustin blushed and looked at Eddie, “I didn’t talk about him that much.”

“You realise the only reason I feel this way about Eddie is because you wouldn’t shut up about him- I know him better than I know you at this point, kid.”

Eddie swallowed, his heart was beating so fast. So fucking fast right now. Steve… Steve loved him? Steve wanted to kiss him? Steve has wanted this for longer than they’ve even properly known each other? Just… just like Eddie? Oh god, oh god, oh, god-

“Fine, but you can’t be all mushy and gross around me. Just… kiss your boyfriend, Steve!”

“I would if you weren’t standing here, telling me to kiss him- plus, I don’t think Eddie actually wants that?”

Huh.

Is Steve on drugs now?

Wait, boyfriend?

“What makes you say that- he litteraly professed his love to you whilst high, thinking you were so beautiful you had to be an Angel, Steven.”

“Don’t use my legal name.” Steve glared at him, “I say that, because… well, it’s none of your business, actually.”

“It is my business, since I’m the reason this is happening, apparently.”

“Can you just give me and my boyfriend some space, please?”

Boyfriend?

“Well-” Dustin stopped mid sentence, and looked dead at Eddie, “Ah… are you okay?”

Steve turned to him and gasped, “Oh, my god, Dustin, get a nurse- Eddie, Eddie what’s happening? Where does it hurt?”

“Boyfriend?” Is what Eddie squeaked out, his heartbeat thudding so loudly in his ears he could barely hear the heart rate monitor's rapid beeping sound.

“Wh- that…. Are you…” Steve sat up, frantically checking over Eddie, “Dustin, get. the. nurse.”

Eddie could only stare at Steve, “You love me?”

“Not important- Dustin!”

“He’s fine, Steve!” Dustin shouted, “Look at him.”

“He's gonna have a heart attack or something!” Steve was on edge.

“No.” Dustin laughed, “Oh my god, you’re such a loser, Eddie.”

Eddie opened and closed his mouth a few times.

“Dustin-”

“He’s fine.” Dustin sighed and grabbed his backpack, “I’m going to visit Max.” He walked for the door, and Steve was about to lose his shit, “Just kiss him, man.”

Steve looked back at Eddie as the door swung shut, and Eddie just started nodding his head aggressively.

“You- are…”

Eddie reached forward to grab Steve's hands and pull him closer, “You love me?”

Steve’s eyes widened and he sat back on his heels, thinking for a second, “Well… well, yeah?”

“I’m your boyfriend?”

Steve kinda smiled, “Yes?”

“Ohmygod.” Eddie muttered, “Ohmygod.”

Steve's shoulders relaxed, “You didn’t know?”

Eddie shook his head, his heart rate slowing slightly but it was still beating faster than normal.

Steve sighed and slouched back into Eddie’s side, cuddled up against the pillows again, “Do you want me to kiss you?”

Eddie nodded rapidly, “You want that?”

“Of course I do, baby.” Steve smiled and brushed some of Eddie’s hair out of his face and behind his ear, “Do you?”

“Of course.” Eddie muttered, too nervous to move closer, “O-of course.”

“Okay.” Steve laughed softly, “I can kiss you.”

“And… it wasn’t a dream?” Eddie asked, his voice a little quiet as Steve moved closer, his heart rate spiking again, “You- you’re really mine?”

“As long as you’ll have me, Ed’s.”

“Oh.” Eddie melted, and Steve finally kissed him.

It was the best kiss that Eddie had ever had.

It was one of the best things in Eddie’s entire life.

Eddie would have Steve forever and longer, for as long as he could.

read Day Four here

\/ a dodgy art piece for this one \/

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mxliv-oftheendless · 17 days

Text

My thoughts jotted down as I read The Silmarillion for the first time:

The Silmarillion has been pretty good so far so I thought it’d be fun to record my personal thoughts as I read! I’ve been mainly reading this book in chunks, so the end of the bullet points is where I’ve stopped for the day. But enjoy my weird thoughts!

To my Taemin photocard that I used as a bookmark when I read the Lord of the Rings books: Alright, Taemin, we’re going in.

This reads very biblically, is it supposed to be??

Ah, so Melkor’s main problem is that he can’t create anything new himself, only corrupt and twist things that are already there.

(Finally understanding random bits of info I’ve learned online) Ohhhh, THAT’S what that is! Cool!

Ok Yavanna DEFINITELY loves hobbits.

Ohhh Nienna DEFINITELY likes Frodo.

So are the Eagles servants of Manwë???

Damn this worldbuilding is ELITE!

(“But Ulmo was alone, and he abode not in Valinor, nor ever came thither unless there were need for a great council…”) Sounds like my dream tbh

(Ilúvatar talking about his plans to create Elves and Men and how much he loves the Earth) Uhhh you may want to look into that a bit more, bud.

Huh. I’ve never thought about the human struggle to find the meaning of life and life’s purpose as being a gift, but it makes sense, since humanity as a whole constantly seeks to learn and grow and expand beyond what we already know.

Maybe that’s also why Melkor hates men, because they’ll always seek to learn more and expand to outside his influence and control, so by nature of their existence he can’t control them.

(Reading about Aulë being willing to smite the Dwarves for Ilúvatar before Ilúvatar stops him) So that’s a reference to the Bible story of Abraham and Isaac, right??

Ohhhh so that’s why the Elves and Dwarves hate each other… I don’t really care for that.

So who would be the one to create therapy??? Would that be Nienna??

“Next came the Noldor, a name of wisdom.” *laughs in very basic knowledge of what’s about to happen next*

Remarriage and your son hating his stepmom and half brothers; yeah I can definitely see this being a problem.

Oh yeah this is DEFINITELY going to be a problem.

I dunno why I always love the bad guys in stories, but I just think Ungoliant is kinda cool.

“But Liv she lives only for herself and her own consumption and she’s a SPIDER” YEAH AND IT’S FUNNY AND SEXY WHAT’S YOUR POINT

*Ungoliant eats the Trees two pages later*

Damn, the cruel irony of Fëanor and Fingolfin reaching a truce and everything looking like it’s going to be okay RIGHT as Melkor and Ungoliant destroy the Trees… I bet Tolkien was giggling evilly to himself while he wrote that chapter.

#the silmarillion #silmarillion #lord of the rings #tolkien #tolkien legendarium #jrr tolkien #books #bookblr #it’s a very good book so far!!#I’m really enjoying it!

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robins-egg-bindery · 2 years

Text

With the launch of @renegadepublishing’s code of conduct and formalized membership this week (as well as the shiny new DreamWidth hub!), I wanted to get some of my thoughts out there.

This has all been a project for some time now, and I don’t think anyone knew what it was going to turn into.

Renegade started with one man, @armoredsuperheavy, and grew into a movement that’s now 1,200+ and counting. He is the reason fanbinding came into the mainstream fandom consciousness the way it has, and I don’t see it going away anytime soon - it’s spreading faster than Tumblr’s weird ass chat function. Hundreds upon hundreds of books were made because of you, Ash; that’s a damn good legacy, imo.

But I digress - Renegade grew from one man to a handful of people in a little Discord server. The server grew. They started a Tumblr, and this is how it went for some time. When I joined, this is how it was - we were so excited to hit 500 members! But, surprisingly, for someone as terminally on Tumblr as I am - I actually discovered fanbinding through Instagram, then TikTok. I had to actively seek out fanbinding on Tumblr, because I knew it had to exist here if it was already on these mainstream platforms.

Nowadays, fanbinding is becoming increasingly controversial in some circles because of the commodification and commercialization that have taken root; the mantra I keep seeing is “Keep Fandom Free”. This seemed a self-evident truth to me; and I couldn’t understand why it felt like no one knew about Renegade, a league of fanbinders who believe in this very ideal.

In essence, it’s a two-pronged issue: fanbinding is rising in popularity (and controversy), but the advocates-for-free-resources community isn’t terribly visible. Renegade was tucked away on Tumblr, a hidden gem in a locked Discord. I felt like I had discovered buried treasure the day Ash sent me the link to join. So, an idea was birthed - to take Renegade to other platforms, to spread our message and introduce our gift economy ways - to shout from the rooftops about the free, incredible 88-page bible ASH wrote detailing every goddamned step on how to take a fic from AO3 and turn it into a physical book.

Once we got in the room to discuss what this would look like, we discovered we have lots of ideas. We have a community, and we’re all excited to build in it. To share and grow. To make it easier on the people who come after us, with guides and templates. We started thinking about events we could host; the Exchange and Binderary were birthed naturally in the Discord, and have grown in scope to include physical books mailed around the world, and free workshops coordinated and hosted for multiple timezones during the month of February. Fan Fiction Writer Appreciation Day, Banned Books Week, International Fanworks Day - the list goes on and on. More events that haven’t even been announced yet. More projects, ever churning to better our community.

The DreamWidth quickly became a hub to aggregate and host resources better than Tumblr could, to promote discussion and community in a gentler way than Discord was able to. But the controversy kept spinning across other swathes of fanbinding, and the question was raised - what do we believe in?

We are all so different and yet, so unified. We have members on 6 continents, who speak different languages, who belong to hundreds of different fandoms. But what, at it’s core, does it mean to be a part Renegade?

And so, the code of conduct was born.

A code of conduct is a set of standards, moral and ethical, that someone is expected to adhere to in order to interact with an organization. It’s not law - we’re not trying to police anyone, or tell them what to do. We’re telling people what we do - what we believe. There’s no punishment for disagreeing, nor should there be. The code is a mutable document written by members - and so it can be changed by members, and should be changed, as we grow and encounter new challenges. The safest hands are our own, right?

There will be push and pull on this document, but I think that’s a good thing. At the end of all of this, I’m excited for us to acknowledge our community values. I wear my Renegade Publishing badge with pride, because I’ve never seen another group of artists so supportive of each other, and generous with their knowledge. Ash has expounded upon this many a time, but Renegade has the feeling of old-school fandom that I’ve been missing. I haven’t felt this united with fandom since Mishapocalypse.

All jokes aside, I’m so glad I found Renegade. It’s brought so much to my life. Just last weekend, I met up with some local binders, and we had a little Renegade outing. Fandom friends, IRL, geeking out with each other over some books. Does it get any better than that?

Join the movement. Check out our resources! We’re excited to have you here.

#fanbinding #bookbinding #fanfic binding #fanficbinding #ficbinding #renegadepublishing #renegade publishing #renegadepub

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musicfeedsmysoul12 · 11 months

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Can you explain why you ship batcest?! I’m sorry I’m just confused by why you like JayTim or DickTim or whatever…

I feel like I already answered this but: I just really like the dynamics of their relationships and it’s fun to go: what if they kiss?!? The pure enemies to lovers of JayTim and the freaking adorable puppy crush to love of DickTim is so good. I don’t want them canon. But it is so damn fun to read them as a couple. That’s it.

For a longer answer and as to why I explore these pairings:

I’m older then most of the people poking around in fandom and making their complaints. I’ve been participating in fandom for almost two decades, since I was a tiny preteen who was hitting puberty who suddenly got a BUNCH of issues we never figured out until I got older because hormone disorders suck ass and my autism went undiagnosed even longer. I remember my first fanfic found on Deviant art: a Harry Potter one where the golden trio and Ginny were the reincarnations of the founders and they got transported into another universe. I remember that so well because it’s just this core memory for me. Finding a place I could be me.

I went through multiple accounts and wrote some dumb shit. I roleplayed Loonatics Unleashed and did some stupid shit there to. I was a weird ass child.

I have been around for a while here kids. I read fucked up shit way to young (and it’s why one thing I am loud about is that kids shouldn’t be allowed to troll the internet without someone aware cause holy shit is some stuff messed up on here. My parents should have been watching.) and I did stupid crap. I was introduced to sex from fanfics and learned about sexuality and gender identity.

And one thing I learned through this is that: people need to grow the fuck up and realize that while fiction doesn’t exist in a vaccum it also isn’t as black and white as people like. Just because someone writes Jason and Tim kisisng doesn’t mean they are like: adoptive families don’t count or incest is fine and I’ll make out with my sibling now. It just means: hey this dynamic is interesting and let’s play with it.

Fiction does not exist in a vaccum. Racism and sexism along with other issues are common for fanfics, headcanons and comics. I recently admitted to falling prey to a few issues I was unaware of as someone who is white and grew up in a Baptist church town in bumfuck Canada.

But when people start whining over pairings it becomes a thing where all you can do is yell: ‘IT IS FICTIONAL’ and walk off. Cause anyone with critical reading skills can tell that it’s 1) not real and 2) not hurting anyone. If someone uses it to hurt someone and that’s the issue? Might as well get rid of all the books in the world and stop all TV and games because people use those as excuses to. So many people talk about the Bible, Twilight, the MCU and more being used to groom them. So… yeah. I don’t have an issue exploring pairings and relationships others would because it’s all fictional.

#dicktim #jaytim #fandom wank

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daisychainsandbowties · 1 year

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Soooo... what are your thoughts on a split in the OCS after the events of Season 1? I mean, Ava wasn't super popular in the OCS/those in-the-know since she was "the one who ran away", and Beatrice and Cam essentially went rogue when they helped her escape Crimson at the Cat's Cradle. So why would anyone believe her telling them that Adriel and his story were all a lie, when he himself is there claiming to be an Angel, returned to save humanity? (it's not like they can see the wraith demons at his command)

Duretti (if he doesn't bury his head in the ground) and Superion can support Ava's claims, but it's still the word of a non-believer against the guy centuries worth of their teachings claim is an angel.

It would also make the massacre of the OCS members even more devastating if their numbers had already been whittled down due to divided loyalties, only to have those who remained loyal to the Warrior Nun be slaughtered by double agents who truly believed in Adriel.

(also, felt it was kinda weird when pretty much all the uniformed FBC people were dudes)

(furthermore thinking on how much would've been added if Lilith's family sided with Adriel, and how much that would have influenced her decisions)

god this is so intriguing. when you think about it… the whole Lore of the ocs is based on the angel Adriel giving up his halo to save a dying human woman. if he wants it back… well, who are they to deny him? and thinking on the temptation to have it be over. most of the ocs have watched their friends die, their sisters thrown at the problem of evil until they’re no longer useful cannon-fodder.

god’s angel appears and tells you to put down your sword… damn, maybe that’s what you do.

on the other hand i feel like… probably out of everyone on the planet it’s the ocs sisters who’d have reason to side-eye adriel the hardest. sure, ava’s an unknown, but mother superion? mary? beatrice the golden child of the ocs? of course looking at it a different way what you have is a disgraced ex-halo-bearer, a usurping non-believer, and beatrice who was sent away by duretti & refused to go. sure, duretti is the pope, but individual orders obey the vatican in theory, but in practice things are more complex. and for the ocs, who have always acted as a shadow organisation, the ability to… well… disregard vatican oversight is probably a baked-in thing.

i feel like the split would be extreme. those who want to believe in adriel vs those who are dedicated to the mission: to keep hell the fuck off of earth, keep people safe from the influence of demons.

there’s good reason to be skeptical of adriel’s claims. he was buried under the vatican, the latin on the wall said ‘please don’t touch this ever. let what’s dead rest’ etc etc. seemed like just a thing you might put on a tomb, but the whole 'live specimen inside' thing might give pause. either we believe that st peter gives what the vatican decides legitimacy or we trust an angel as the unilateral word of god. the bible says maybe don’t do that.

ESPECIALLY if they saw footage of Adriel infecting a whole courtyard of bystanders with demons, i think most of the ocs would trust in what duretti & superion told them. god can speak from the mouth of a heretic (ava), and there’s plenty of ammunition in catholic theology for fallen angels/ agents of the devil/ the devil usually comes in disguise.

they know that Bad Shit is leaking in from some hellscape (most of them likely assume it’s captial-letter Hell) and now the long-lost author of their order appears and attacks (apparently kills) mary in broad daylight? they might be devout but they’re also in the know in a way that few people are, and i think the ocs by its nature is insular. i think mostly these girls come for the service to god & stay for each other, die for each other.

a schism is certainly possible (ahem, not unprecedented in christianity) but i think the ocs sisters trust each other. i think the way that mary died might move them. vincent’s betrayal too. does that look like the work of god? again, immense skepticism over any person claiming to be a mouthpiece for god.

BUT i see you about the idea that literally a handful of traitors would be enough. and that feels so plausible as to be almost guaranteed. sisters tired of fighting a battle of attrition with their bodies, ppl like crimson, the ones who just want it to be over. we really only learn that the ocs was compromised (and i’m inclined to think not by vincent because damn guys u would have done the smart thing & called bust on every safe-house vincent knew about, right??)

the idea that the way the ocs tosses spent sisters aside leads to its near-annihilation is… compelling.

& 🫠 lilith’s family turning on the ocs. i mean, they’d be hand-in-hand with lilith there, no? she sides with adriel. really & truly she IS our example of a girl who is all but tossed aside when she’s not useful. lost, alone, feeling monstrous, she turns to adriel because he can bear to look at her.

you’re so right that there’s so much to be said for the ocs as an organisation that literally chews up & spits out its soldiers. it’s a war machine & so despite superion & shannon & mary trying so hard to make it human and caring and good - i mean, the institution is… well… an Institution. it doesn’t have a heart.

& i think that’s what ava brings to it, what she shows them. that

1. you have to try to stop the cycle of violence. you have to at least try.

and 2. making an army out of lost girls is dangerous. like bea, they’ll throw themselves at danger; like lilith, they’ll throw themselves at death.

just… thinking of shannon & her ghost. how angry she is at the whole circus. of mary & her quiet sadness, so long in the making that her sorrow feels worn even when it’s new.

thinking of ava as a thesis in how you really fight back the darkness

by being the light

#warrior nun #this is making my brain do flips ty 😌#wn meta

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asphodel-flowers · 3 months

Text

I like big books and I cannot lie 🎶

some books I gave recently grabbed from the library.

I liked and wanna buy Do I Have To Wear Black? Lots of good info in there on funerary customs. I wasn't sure I was gonna like it because of the Wicca mentions at first but I was actually pleasantly surprised as I got into it. I sort of blew through it tbh because I'm not super interested in like the Kemetic or Wiccan customs, just the Norse/ heathen and Hellenic, but the very general parts at the beginning were really informative. Mortellus is a mortician and 100% definitely knows what in the heck they're talking about.

I skimmed through the Thrifty Witch book and Tarot Interactions before bringing them back because those I just need to have/ buy. I need to buy those. Thrifty Witch would definitely be more useful to me as a resource than something to read if that makes sense.

and similarly with Tarot Interactions, that is an absolutely fantastic excellent book from what I read of it, and I definitely absolutely need to have that as a resource. I also feel like that's something I wanna take my time with, not rush.

Werewolf Magick was meh. I soared through it. I was rolling my eyes at far too much of it to take any of it seriously, and by the time I got to what I was interested in/ what might have helped, couldn't understand it because of all the weird lingo/ jargon that he'd set up at the beginning. Admittedly that's my own fault obviously for trying to skip to the end, but the first part just made me cringe too much. There's too much mixing of different practices in a way that imo honors none of them, and then mixing it with crap like Wicca to boot. I just... no, I'm good, no thank you. I had gotten it out of curiosity, expecting it to not be much and... yeah, it was what I expected.

Witch Queens, Voodoo Spirits, & Hoodoo has been fantastic so far and I have got to finish it. I started it and got distracted and it went back on the shelf and I've gotta get back into it. It starts with Annie Christmas who is none of the things mentioned on the cover, lol, but I love the way it talks about our local myths and legends. Absolutely A+ 100% yes.

Weave the Liminal is... surprisingly better than I expected so far? I'm not quite sure what to make of it. We'll see as we go.

I've had the ones in that first three pictures checked out for a while and I really need to get to them. I was hoping the Shamanism Bible would give me some words to look up, a good place to start research into that but it feels like too much of a chore. The charm bag and ancestor books I just keep forgetting I have, and I expected the New Orleans one to be a quick read but again keep forgetting it's there.

Did I grab too many books? Yes, every damn time. I have maxed out how many I can borrow from the library. Oooops. xD

I absolutely had to grab The Holy Wild Grimoire though when I saw it on the shelf because that has been on my wishlist for a while and I love checking out books before buying them. I feel much better about purchasing when I already know I like them.

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everchanging-cryptid · 8 months

Text

live reacting to The Amazing Digital Circus Pilot because I just realized it came out

it’s all pixelly and then not, neat Ooh, ringmaster’s a fun character, love him

oh, Cain, like the Bible brother maybe?

Time loop?

Lol the flowerpot glitching through the floor

Hostile VR, nice

Haha, no swearing

I would very much like to live in this building

Can relate to Kinger, I too would love to chat with people about an insect collection

The ribbon guy reminds me of Will from the webcomic Nevermore

Blue screening when you need to come up with a list, same

I can’t tell if he’s gonna be a scary character or a funny character, that’s really cool

Why does the moon want to fuck him

Why are you like this

Ooh he’s hiding something yeah

Ok, he does not have control over minds, good to know, and he said “one of the few” so maybe he can’t control other things

Never tell a fae-like entity “I don’t care, just pick anything”

“Whaddya think of: *mouth keysmash*” lol

Pomni, that’s a fun name

“YOU PARASITE!!!” Had me laughing for like 2 minutes straight

Just pop the interrupting people

r u b b e r h o s e a n i m a t i o n b u n n y yeah favorite character material right there

I love how they all just talk over each other but you can still hear what they’re each saying

Assigned “Most Mentally Stable” at mental breakdown

Ooh, I see a bunch of X-ed out faces on the doors, did they get permakilled or something?

The framed artworks make me incredibly happy

Uhoh, Pomni went to the petrified place /reference

Where did you get a centipede???

Ooh that’s not good

he reminds me of a corrupted gem from Steven universe

Ooh that looks painful ouch

Love those broken object physics, beautiful

I love the sense of perspective, when the camera is further back and Pomni looks so isolated

I think Kinger might be the most relatable character tbh

Kaufmo just is not funny is he

God the comedic timing for Jax is PERFECT

RADICAL

Love a good bowling pin joke

Ok I take it back the comedic timing on Kinger is the best I was crying at the perfectly cut scream

Hmm I think poor kiddo Pomni here needs a break to cry

Ooh water cube room I like that

oh that’s terrifying they can just shoot faces at you

Well that’s certainly not Cain

Pfft they rock paper scissors and he won but did the thing anyway

“Oh.” *watches his hands float away*

HIS EYES DID THE CLOCK THING

Can the next person teleported in be a therapist because hot damn have we got some trauma up in here

:o barrel of monkeys! :D

NOOOO THE MONKEYS

Oh door?

Nope nope nope nope nope nope

Oh that’s some backrooms shit right there

Hot damn take a chill pill bro you already got him he’s dead

“This is dumb and weird.” Yeah im gonna quote that forever now thanks

“Ah thank GOD you’re okay, you didn’t experience a game show in there did you?” “Uhhhh… I— What are you talking about?”

Abstracted, like becoming abstract? Becoming just a vague feeling, a mere idea? Ooh that’s some good stuff right there

I too love the sound of a silent moving staircase

Oh this is gonna be fuckin terrifying I see how it is

Musty old computer causes mental breakdown? Interesting

C&A CAIN AND ABEL I FREAKIN CALLED IT YES oh that has some interesting implications now doesn’t it hmm souls trapped in a computer perhaps?

Oh shit it’s the void

I’ll take 5 wacky watches please

ha fourth wall break

oh Pomni is actually broken aren’t they

oh are those all the others who were crossed out

ooh healing spell

Pomni is not okay

analysis on digital eating okay sure

oh that’s an earth shattering ending oh my gosh I feel like I just experienced eldritch enlightenment

Can not wait for more possible episodes! It’s incredible, I highly recommend checking it out! ^^

#the amazing digital circus #digital circus #tadc

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riddle-me-ri · 1 year

Note

It's something that just came to my mind

Clark Kent is talking to the Batman while Riddler and S/O are spying on him and S/O is like "What is Superman doing here?". And since people in DC didn't know that it's him, Riddler gives her a weird look saying she must be mistaken. But S/O gives him a long, silent stare "You're kidding me, right?". It comes to the point where she holds a picture of Clark and Superman next to each other, pointing glasses out and Riddler is like "..... 'DING!' YOU HAVE TO BE JOKING!" The man is kicking himself for not seeing it.

For all Riddlers.

A/N: ooohhh the denial is strong in this one

The Riddlers React to Finding Out Superman's Identity

Arkhamverse Riddler:

Oh please.

Do you really think he’s that idiotic? He’s that ignorant?

(this is not the time to mention he dismissed Bruce Wayne being Batman)

He berates you a couple more times, so he left you no choice.

When you pulled out a picture of the Man of Steel and a pair of glasses up against the real-life Clark Kent below

Edward was silent.

No…NO that’s too obvious!

Although the pictures are damning.

He snatches the photos and huffs.

He admits the two are uncanny, but surely it’s some alien-like cloning technology.

Besides, it doesn't matter! He’s smarter than Kent or Superman anyway

Reevesverse/Dano Riddler:

It takes him a minute to even realize there is a “superman”

Do you mean to say that Metropolis has its own hero too?

But not just a man of the people? A vigilante? Like a full-on hero with powers?!

The last thing he’d suspect afterward is that this Superman…was a journalist?

He was curious as to why Batman would be discussing something with a random journalist from Daily Planet.

Yet when you exclaim how the civilian looks like Superman, he’s pretty skeptical.

Until you pull up a picture of Superman on your phone.

Edward does a double take.

In hindsight, it’s so obvious…

Ed wonders if Batman knows this…he has to right?

Gotham Riddler:

This was the last place he expected to end up when following Batman.

On the roof of a building a couple buildings away from Daily Planet.

Why is Batman talking to a reporter? Surely, he’d go to a more reliable source like…well Gordon is all he could think of.

He also wasn’t sure why he brought you along exactly but the assistance was appreciated.

Ed didn’t expect the next thing you’d bring up though.

Something about how the journalist looks like…Superman?

The Superman? The Kryptonian?

Yeah sure, right…

Ed practically snatched your phone when you exhibited the evidence.

With his usual tight-lipped expression, he hands you back your phone.

He deems it another scheme for another day.

BTAS Riddler:

It may just be me playing favorites…lmao

BUT I do have evidence from the BTAS Writing Bible that says, this Riddler is most likely to figure out Batman’s identity if he actually wanted to that is…

So with that, I’d like to think that Ed would have already figured it out?

Like you may have been helping him do some recon and you’re listening in on the conversation between Batman and Clark.

After a moment a lightbulb goes off in your head.

When you mention the resemblance between Kent and Superman…

Edward chuckled.

Why did you think you two were listening in on their conversation?

He is proud that you were able to spot it though.

Some rogues still don’t believe him when he brought up the most likely secret identity to the Man of Steel.

Zero Year/Capullo Riddler:

Ed only hacked into Daily Planet because he already caused chaos in Gotham City and Star City, so why not Metropolis?

He was surprised to see Batman there and not brooding somewhere in Gotham.

You walked in while Ed was surveillancing the newsroom.

You were about to joke with him about how much of a Batman fanboy he must be to watch his every move.

Until the journalist the Dark Knight was talking to caught your eye.

You mentioned the striking resemblance to Superman.

Edward scoffed at your observation.

Oh, please a journalist? Really?

He will never admit it, but he was kicking himself mentally for not seeing it first. It’s blaringly obvious now.

Twojar Riddler:

Edward doesn’t really care for the Kryptonian.

What good are all those superpowers if he’s not intelligent?

Not to mention his alias would be simple to solve.

Which is why he never entertained the conundrum, what advantage would it do him?

He had much more thrilling and productive puzzles to ponder over.

That doesn’t stop you from shoving two pictures in his face in the morning.

You made the proud declaration that Superman was the featured journalist, Clark Kent of Daily Planet.

Edward was thinking about how he can disprove your claim…gently until he glanced down at the images.

There was Kent, a proud grin to the camera…and Superman smirking to the side…with hastily drawn glasses around his face.

Ed was silent for a moment.

No…there was no way it was that obvious…

They both resided in Metropolis, and had a similar build and face structure…

He bites his lip.

He can’t tell if he should be proud of your deduction skills or hit himself in the head with his cane for not seeing it sooner.

Gotham City Sirens Riddler:

Another Edward that I think either knows or has figured out Superman’s identity.

He doesn’t really care for the Man of Steel.

Ed will just stay in his lane in Gotham City.

Yet when you two chase down a perp into Metropolis.

You two got to see Superman in action.

It was you that brought up how he looked oddly familiar.

Intrigued, he asked you to elaborate.

You said he looked an awful lot like that journalist you two bumped into when interrogating an editor at Daily Planet.

You told him to imagine if Superman had a dress shirt and glasses on.

Ed smiled as you put two and two together.

Ed had long since deducted Superman was likely tied to Daily Planet, a photo of a certain Clark Kent proved as much.

However, to have you reach the same deduction, he couldn't help but beam in pride a little bit.

You have been learning some skills from him after all.

Young Justice Riddler:

Sure he pondered the aliases of all his enemies.

He couldn’t get distracted by that however, it could take months or years to figure it out.

He could have defeated them by then…don’t laugh he could have.

The two of you are reconning outside Daily Planet.

Ed was complaining about not being in Gotham where you both had prior experience with the city.

You rolled your eyes as you kept an eye on Superboy talking to some dude in a white button-up and glasses.

You were about to doze off until you got a good look at the journalist’s face.

You tap Ed on the shoulder, interrupting his rant when you asked if that journalist looked familiar.

Ed mentioned something about how that was probably Clark Kent, a celebrated journalist, and partner to Lois Lane.

You asked if he noticed anything else.

When he shook his head you began listing out his physical features…and how if you just remove the glasses and put him in a blue suit with a giant S and a cape…

Ed’s jaw dropped as he snatched the binoculars away from you.

There’s no…you’ve gotta be kidding him?!

Clark Kent is SUPERMAN?!

Eddie practically rage quits and you’re steady on his heels as he storms off.

Telltale Riddler:

He is aware of the Kyrptonian invader.

And his rather obvious alias…

You would think the Superman would come up with a lower profile.

However he has bigger fish to fry in Gotham.

Apparently a certain Clark Kent was visiting Gotham and was having discussions with the Batman.

When you saw the interaction the moment clicked-

If you just removed the glasses…

You won’t lie, you were rather excited about your deduction.

He cruelly teases you when you mention the likelihood of Superman’s identity.

Edward, practically condescendingly pats your head.

You’ll never be as smart as him, but perhaps at least smarter than the average civilian.

Hush (DCAU) Riddler:

(I realize this Riddler may very well also know who Superman is...but I just wanted to try and change it up, rip lmao)

He realizes that Superman and Batman…seem to be close allies.

He may have a hunch about Batman’s identity but if he could solve Superman’s identity…THE Superman.

One day, Ed may just have the upper hand.

You two were steadily following Batman, gathering whatever sliver of information that Batman may slip out.

Right when Ed was about to give up and just focus his time on another scheme…

You noticed something.

Batman was discussing something, something serious with a journalist that stood toe to toe with the Caped Crusader.

You looked at the journalist, he’s stupidly buff for a journalist…that jaw…and that little curled bang...

Wait a minute!

It took some convincing for Ed to see Clark Kent was Superman…but once you slapped some glasses on a Superman photo, a lightbulb went off.

He’s simultaneously disappointed in himself for not seeing it sooner…he blames it on the burnout.

But he does show gratitude to you, but of course, it was thanks to him you were able to pick up on it too…

Just let him have this one…he needs it.

#ri writes #arkhamverse riddler x reader #reevesverse riddler x reader #dano riddler x reader #gotham riddler x reader #btas riddler x reader #zero year riddler x reader #capullo riddler x reader #twojar riddler x reader #gotham city sirens riddler x reader #young justice riddler x reader #telltale riddler x reader #hush (dcau) riddler x reader #riddler scenarios #riddler headcanons

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royallyprincesslilly · 1 year

Text

Title: Forgive Me, I Am A Sinner {1}* {Two-Shot}

Title: Forgive Me I Am a Sinner {1}* {Two Shot}

Someone x Reader

Words: 2.9k

Warning: Play on the church confessional, Cursing, Adult themes, Mild crude language/discussion, Mild NSFW(Toward end), Mistaken Identity

Summary: You have some things to get off your chest and end up walking into a church.

Note: So, this might be mildly taboo for some, if it is for you, don’t read, I’ll understand. While I don’t think I took it too far in someone’s eyes it could be blasphemous. Again, don’t read if you feel it may offend you. Nothing lewd but be warned. Don’t come to me with your complaints. They will fall on deaf ears and be met with a quick delete. I don’t think it’s bad but 🤷🏽‍♀️

***NOT EDITED/Proofread***

-You-

“Forgive me lord for I have sinned. It's been...never since my last confession. I've never done this. Yep, I'm a virgin. Well with confessions otherwise I am soooo not a virgin. The things this body has done, these eyes have seen, these hands have touched, and this mouth has had in it...yikes. Not a virgin. Oh god, I probably shouldn't have said that in a church with a priest across from me. Shit. I probably shouldn't have cursed in the house of God either. Oh, fuck."

You facepalmed then sighed already fed up with yourself. You didn’t know what was wrong with you or why your mouth was still moving and allowing words to pass through. Yes, you were nervous and most of it were nervous ramblings you’d always done but now was not the time to be censor free.

"I'm going to hell, aren't I?”

Silence. There weren’t even breathing sounds. Either there was no one there or the guy across from her was weighing his options speaking to an actual heathen. You leaned a litter closer to the wooden screen peppered with small holes that was separating the two booths.

"Uh...priest guy? Padre? Father? Oh, great even God's messenger sees the heathen in me and has run for the hills to tell the lord this sheep has steered far from the flock. Definitely going to hell."

You hung your head in disappointment.

"For all the scripture that has been written about the heavenly trio, the father, the son, and the holy spirit, I doubt they would be so quick as to damn one of their flock."

You could hear the humor in his voice, and it made you pause. Were priests supposed to have a sense of humor? It did sound like a biblical joke so maybe that wasn’t weird.

"I think you are being too harsh on yourself," the voice on the other side followed up.

"You do?"

"Yes. Also, heathen in quite harsh."

You giggled nervously. However, those nerves were dwindling with every joke he cracked. There was something soothing about his husky voice that sounded like he was half asleep and just awakened from a quick nap. "That is what I feel like whenever I muster up the courage to speak to him about this."

"Start from the beginning."

"Are you sure it's okay for me to be telling you all this in a church nonetheless?"

Silence. Was he actually thinking if it was okay? You circled your thumbs and waited for him to speak but when he didn’t you leaned closer again.

"Hello?"

“You came here because you needed help. You came here looking for answers and acceptance. You will find all 3 here. So, let's begin again. Trust me I've heard it all."

You sighed relieved by his welcoming words. You then nodded and mustered even more courage. "Okay. Forgive me lord for I have sinned I've never confessed before.

"What is your sin?"

"Lust."

The silence stretched for so long then the person on the other side of the screen cleared their throat.

"Lust. Go on. How are you lustful?"

His voice was even deeper than before.

"I like sex--like I really, really like sex. I know the bible leans more on sex for procreation and marital health, but I am not married, and I have no plans for children. So, for me, sex is something that feels good, better than good, amazing especially if it is done right and the person I am with understands a woman's body and needs."

The silence returned but only for a few moments. "Ehm, I'm listening."

"Lately I've been feeling unfulfilled."

"Sexually?"

"Yes, mainly. I have a great career, amazing friends, wonderful family, and a life I love but when it comes to sex it's just not cutting it. The guy I've been seeing..."

"Boyfriend?"

He sounded disappointed and that made you pause. Why would he sound disappointed? You explained it away deciding that he was disappointed in it not being a husband or fiancé.

"You mentioned you were not married just trying to get a better understanding," he clarified.

"Oh. Not really. We see each other whenever we have an--itch."

"For sex. Understood."

"You sound very chill about this father."

"I am simply here to listen and never to judge--my child. This is the house of the lord, and all are welcome to be who they are and lay down their burdens. That is the lord I represent."

He sounded like the cool youth pastor that was written about in some YA novels. The one who would create raps for G.O.D. You stifled a laugh at the thought.

"Wow, that's really cool. Anyway, he's very...vanilla. Whenever we meet--. Wait should I explain what vanilla is? Um...well."

"No need," he quickly interrupted.

"Really?"

"Uh...I am what I am now, but I was not born a priest."

His unexpected answer had you snort loudly before a laugh escaped you. "Well go on then fuck it up, father. Damn no, I didn't mean that."

He heartily chuckled. "It's alright. Go on"

"He's vanilla and never really knows what I need and rarely ever do I cum. I mean reach completion."

"Then why are you wasting your time with someone like that?"

"Uh...well...ummm...I am very picky with who I spend my time with. When I said that I like sex, it didn't mean I was some chick who sleeps around with anybody with the right body part."

"Of course not. I didn't mean to imply that. I'm sorry."

"No, it's cool."

"For the record, I didn't think that of you anyway."

"Okay. Thanks. It's just most guys are insensitive assholes who think if a woman likes sex and pleasure then they must be easy and DTF anyone."

"Guys like that are the ones who should be offed and sent straight to hell."

"Preach it, father.”

It took some time for his words to make full impact, but after a few moments, they did. “Wait shouldn't you say they are also God's children and just need to be steered to the righteous path?"

"You sound well versed in the priesthood."

"Movies."

He laughed again and it sounded so welcoming that you laughed with him.

"Please continue. He doesn't satisfy you."

"No. I thought I could handle it and finish myself off or something but tonight I couldn't."

"Did you just have sex tonight?"

"Yes. I guess that's another sin you have to forgive me for."

"And you are unfulfilled."

"Yes. So unfulfilled. My bullet couldn't even take care of this, not even my rabbit, hell not even the usual porn I watch."

The silence across the way was deafening and you noticed. It was like you’d become hypersensitive to quietness since sitting in this booth. Suddenly he groaned as if in pain.

"Are you okay father?"

He groaned again then took a few breaths. Through the tiny holes in the screen, you could only make out a head turned down, everything else was shadows. "Completely.”

It came out hoarse, strangled. “Ehm...continue.”

"Uh, so I facetimed him and decided to tell him what I need and even some things I would be into, and he laughed and had the most freaked out look on his face. He said it wasn't normal and I shouldn't tell anyone about it again. Like he made me feel crazy and so--dirty."

"Uh-huh. For better context. What are these preferences--my child?"

You twiddled your thumbs then uncrossed your ankles only to cross them again. "I don't know if I should say them now. You might say the same thing."

"No. I would never. Remember I said my place is not to judge and I am here to help?"

You took a deep breath and tried to calm those nerves that were beginning to creep up again. After another breath you began.

"I um...I told him I want to be tied up while he takes all control and completely ruins me. I told him I wanted to try doing it while others watched that him being so gentle is a turn-off and I wouldn't mind some teeth or nail marks on me. I can see myself being into BDSM and get turned on by dominance and submission. I want to be choked a little while he slams so hard into me that I see stars. I want to be weak in the knees unable to walk, sore throat can't talk, eyes full of tears, chin covered in slobber, delirious with pleasure until I squirt and then pass out to do it again. I want him to know my body and what it needs better than I do. I want dirty, nasty, rough, hot passionate sex I'll never forget."

The silence this time was so heavy so filled with the charge of excitement and arousal. You didn't know why you were slightly turned on finally getting it all out, especially to a priest in a church of all places. Hell, you didn't even know why you had come in here in the first place. The idea of confessional had always creeped you out for some reason. Telling a stranger your secret sin. It felt so vulnerable.

"Shit. Surely I should burst into flames for all that right? First in line on the locomotive to hell? I shouldn't have said all that."

"Are you ashamed of these desires? Do you wish to be rid of them?"

"He made me feel ashamed."

"Fuck him. Are you ashamed?"

"Father?"

"Answer me.”

His voice was serious, and authoritative now. “Look inside yourself and answer truthfully."

You did as he said and took some time and truly listened to yourself and everything that was going off inside you right now. Among everything, the uncertainty, the excitement, and the confusion nowhere inside of her did you feel ashamed. Not at all.

"No. I'm not ashamed."

"Do you wish to be rid of them?"

"No," you replied with a little more confidence.

"Good. You should be unapologetically you. You should not allow others to make you feel small or shameful for who you are, what you want, or what you deserve. You deserve all of that. You deserve to be sexually fulfilled and happy in all avenues of your life. We all only have one to live and restricting ourselves from true happiness is not doing service to someone, it does a disservice to ourselves."

You sat there thinking over his words and gained confidence from each of them. He sounded as if he spoke from experience.

"Is this your first day as a priest? I don't think you should tell parishioners to sin more to live a fulfilled life if you truly want to gain access to heaven."

He snorted. "It is my first day doing this, but I stand by my words."

You sat there noting your nerves had melted away and your confused state had turned to one of mellowness. You didn’t feel in a war with yourself anymore. Perhaps this was why others did this.

"Do you feel better?"

"Yes."

"Good, then my work is done."

"Wait shouldn't you give me instructions to repent like a Hail Mary or ten or something?"

"Will it ensure you do not sin again?"

Snorting, you replied, "Probably not."

"Then you are free to step out of here and live your life with one piece of advice."

"What's that?"

"Drop that pathetic loser you're seeing. You can do so much better little lamb."

The doors on the other side opened but you didn't register it until nearly a minute had passed. When you stepped out and looked in the opposite booth from sheer curiosity, it was empty with no priest inside.

"Little lamb? What kind of priest was that?"

~~~~~~~

-Him-

4 hours later and he was still solid as a brick hard.

"Fuck!”

He palmed himself yet again then squeezed hoping to relieve some of the ache there but no luck and no relief. He shoved his hand under his head and stared up through the glass roof of his skylight at the night sky. It was clear without a cloud in sight allowing the stars to really shine.

"I want to be choked a little while he slams so hard into me that I see stars."

His cock throbbed so forcefully it could be seen through his now too tight pajama bottoms. Glancing down, he groaned exasperatedly.

"Come on. It’s not funny anymore."

He knew he shouldn’t have gone into that confessional. He knew he should have found somewhere else to wait for his manager as he spoke with the priest of the church he was donating a large amount of money to because of his connection to some of the kids he'd encountered the weekend before.

He'd gone at that time because he was sure it would be empty and there would be no stray photos of him leaked. Donating money was no fun when everyone knew you'd done it. He liked the incognito life. He just wanted somewhere that had zero chance of him bumping into someone. No way did he expect someone to drop into the other side of the confessional and no way did he expect that someone to have that kind of confession.

He closed his eyes as he recalled the little slivers of her face. Plum painted lips that looked full, a cute nose, skin that looked incredibly soft, and eyes that called to him. From the small perforations in the wood, he would classify you as a fucking goddess.

Once you began your confession he should have interrupted and set the record straight but there was something about your voice that held him in place, silencing him. He’d picked up the distress in it, the frustration and uncertainty. Then the more he listened he fell under some spell. When she mentioned her definite non virgin status, he was way past curious. Maybe that’s what possessed him to answer her when she asked if he was there.

"Curiosity," he muttered mulling over it.

He thought over your entire confession and within seconds his cock throbbed again. Without even realizing it his hand had drifted into his pajama bottoms and was now wrapped around his engorged length.

"Fuck!"

"I want to be tied up while he takes all control and completely ruins me. I wanted to try doing it while others watched, that him being so gentle is a turn-off and I wouldn't mind some teeth or nail marks on me. I can see myself being into BDSM and get turned on by dominance and submission. I want to be choked a little while he slams so hard into me that I see stars. I want to be weak in the knees unable to walk, sore throat can't talk, eyes full of tears, chin covered in slobber, delirious with pleasure until I squirt and then pass out to do it again. I want him to know my body and what it needs better than I do. I want dirty, nasty, rough, hot passionate sex I'll never forget."

"Uggh. Uggh. Uggh. Fuuuuuck."

His hand moved so fast he was sure it was going faster than the speed of light. It had to have been. His groans, moans and grunts filled the space as he raced toward a finish he imagined would go across her beautiful face or her breasts he couldn’t see but was convinced were equally as gorgeous as her aura. Within seconds, his back angled off the bed as if whatever had possessed him earlier was finally exiting his body and being pulled into the air.

"Holy fuck!”

The white spots that decorated his vision made it impossible to see anything and in that moment he didn’t care. He was only focused on the amazing feelings coursing through him. When he finally regained some motion and sense he glanced down and found stream after stream of his release decorating his chest, pelvis, and pajama bottoms.

"Ah shit. Come on! Haven't had to jerk myself off since I was twenty fucking years old, and one confessional tipped me over the edge? Unfuckinbelievable!”

Not in a rush to get up and filled with frustration, he looked back to his skylight at the glittering stars and thought of the side profile of her face. Within seconds, he felt himself harden again and it was then he knew his cock was not done. He was in for a long night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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#forgive me i am a sinner part 1 #forgive me i am a sinner one shot #lewis hamilton fanfic #Lewis tan fanfiction #travis kelce fanfiction #chris evans fanfiction #henry cavill fanfiction #Jason momoa fanfiction #pablo schreiber fanfiction #yahya abdul mateen ii fanfiction #irdris elba fanfiction #charlie hunnam fanfiction #zeeko zaki fanfiction #black fanfiction #rege jean page fanfiction #nick sagar fanfiction #alfie enoch fanfiction #alfred enoch fanfiction

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starshinewriter · 1 month

Text

Troy likes doing things for Abed, the others notice.

Link

Alternative to Ao3:

Troy and Abed are close, everybody knows that. But the study group especially knows it. They see more than everyone else does, see things everyone else doesn't get to see. Because the Troy and Abed the world sees are not the Troy and Abed they see. Abed is more comfortable with them for one thing and that means he's more relaxed, more willing to let down some of his walls. They get to see just how much he relies on Troy. And Troy is more vulnerable around them, he lets them in in ways he never would with anyone else. They get to see just how much he loves Abed.

The two of them… they have something special. You barely have to know them to know that. But sometimes… sometimes the others wonder, wonder if there's something more to it than friendship. Everyone but Shirley thinks there's something going on, but Shirley is.. biased. She doesn't want to notice things the others do.

They all have their opinions but decide to leave Troy and Abed alone about it. It isn't their business really, and if Britta's right that the two of them don't know what's going on then they could do more harm than good- an Annie worry. Jeff doesn't care one way or the other so he mostly just goes along with the girls. The three of them know one thing for sure though, Troy definitely has a crush on Abed. How do they know that? Well to answer that we have to go back a bit.

Annie is the first to notice. She's always been the most observational of the group and she spends a lot of time with Troy and Abed. It just makes sense, really. That's what she tells the others. She sees Troy renting movies and buying snacks, she sees him making sure Abed is okay after one of his meltdowns, she sees him being right by Abed's side when he's having a bad day. She sees all of that, and she realizes.

Jeff is the next to notice. It's not because he cares really, but it's hard not to notice. It's always in front of him all of the time. It's Troy being the only person to listen to Abed's rants when they all stop pretending to study. It's him going off on anyone who would dare say anything negative about Abed. It's him who's always the first on board for Abed's plans. And it's Jeff who wants to tell him to just confess already.

Britta is the last to notice. Guys can be friends and be really close without anything else going on. They can do things couples can do without it being weird and anyone who thinks otherwise is closed-minded. But then Troy constantly starts going along with Abed's antics, he becomes aware of Abed's every single need. He memorizes everything Abed ever says like it's a damn bible to prove he has someone in his corner. That's beyond close friendship, way beyond.

So, yeah, they know Troy likes to do things for Abed. Things that none of them will ever do, simply because they have no desire to. They do some of that stuff sometimes, cause some of it is friendship stuff and they all like being Abed's friends- no matter how hard it can get, but not to the extent Troy does. Not to where it's blatantly noticeable. Not to where it's blatantly desperate.

The study group may have noticed Troy, but Troy wants Abed to notice him, wants him to see everything he's doing for him. But what he doesn't notice is that Abed already has. That Abed is more than willing to do stuff he doesn't want to for Troy. Troy doesn't notice what that means, just like Abed doesn't. Troy doesn't notice what his own willingness means, just like Abed doesn't.

According to Britta, they've got a long road ahead of them.

According to Jeff, they're both idiots when it comes to feelings.

According to Annie, they will always have people on their side no matter what happens.

According to all of them, Shirley included, they're Troy and Abed, and they don't make sense otherwise.

#community #trobed

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myaoiboy · 4 months

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Hi I saw that you answered an ask* the other day and I wanted to know if you continued with your analysis or if you could continue. I was really interested and curious to know more about it. I really wanted to know what you had to say, seriously, I could read a bible of Death Stranding reviews!

*https://www.tumblr.com/myaoiboy/739740134244794368/death-stranding-gender-talk-you-say-count-me-in?source=share

Hi! I totally can keep talking about Death Stranding forever (I know it's a very divisive game but imo on the whole the writing is like a well-oiled machine in ways that MGS just barely started to scrape askdjfh)

For the most part I haven't talked a *ton* about it at length because the series is just getting started and I feel weird making assertions that are likely to be fully subverted within a year or two. MGS has like. well, now, 25 years of shit going on. Sequels, prequels, fanon, etc., that Death Stranding...hasn't really had time to grow into yet.

I also tend to intentionally only post for dead series because the fandoms tend to be chiller lmao

Plus the fact that I got into DS right around the time that DS2 was announced, so I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs knowing that there's about to be more content and context that I just don't have access to yet. I already feel like there's a lot more to be learned about the first game, just from the latest trailer drop.

Honestly I think the thing that really gets me with DS is that despite the borderline insanity of the setting, to me, there's a lot of dramatic irony and meta knowledge that makes DS pretty easy to follow compared to, like, any single MGS game. Maybe I'm just the exact target audience that the writing was intended for, but most of the big reveals felt less like a sucker punch and more of a dramatic swell.

Some reasons for this (please be gentle i am taking cutscene SCs from youtube videos, they're gonna look like shit):

First of all, this is basically frame 1 of being formally introduced to Amelie, we see...this lens flare. Look familiar?

...how about now?

We are introduced to her instantly with a sign of danger. A pretty one, but a sign of danger nonetheless. The fact that it's an inverted rainbow is important! It shows up around timefall because of chiral air disturbance. We don't know that yet in-game, but if you know about how light works you know that there's something Wrong(tm) about this.

A regular lens flare shouldn't be causing an inverted rainbow if it's causing one at all. I think in this cutscene Amelie's presence is causing that inverted rainbow. Throughout the game, people come up with various theories of their own to excuse her connection to the beach. Little do they know at the time how right they are...

She's also heavily backlit, which hides her features in an unsettling manner. In fact, I really can't think of anyone else that this happens to throughout the game (if anyone knows of another example PLEASE let me know!!!)

She gets pretty damn close before that rainbow disappears, but this is where I very quickly lost my initial trust in her (as the player).

I jokingly called called this her "Fox News reporter look," but it's very much constructed in a way that made me suspicious.

Let's talk about that red dress.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: Kojima fucking LOVES using color language, especially red, blue, and gold. It's been super obvious and explicit since like 2012.

The fact that we meet her wearing a red dress is not a coincidence!!! It's a great big flashing warning sign! It says "hey, this person is going to betray you! Do Not Fucking Trust!!!"

Compare Amelie's name card to Paz's from Peace Walker:

The art styles are different, but there are a couple of main throughlines. Namely, both have an emphasis on the color red, both are young (looking) women who are lying about their identities in order to ask the main character a favor. Characters vouch for them, from trusted advisors, to the main character himself in DS. And then they try to bring about armageddon.

Basically what I'm saying is that they're both the embodiment of white woman tears a wolf in sheep's clothing, if the sheep's clothing was still dripping in blood. We (characters, and maybe the players) believe that she's on our side because we want to believe she's on our side, and because other people that we ostensibly trust tell us she's on our side, while the extremely dissonant narrative and imagery of the scene are SHAKING US BY THE SHOULDERS TELLING US TO SNAP OUT OF IT.

Add to that the fact that we kind of vaguely, through that intro cutscene post-central knot explosion, know that the beach is connected to dying somehow, and that amelie seems to be on it, doing very stereotypical little girl in horror things there, like singing nursery rhymes slowly while walking into the ocean.

So we've basically been told that Amelie is Not Good, but we have to spend the game piecing together what kind of Not Good she is. The first hint is (surprise!) also in this cutscene!

I don't recall off the top of my head if I knew at the time how heavily egyptian mythology plays into DS, but I do remember this cutscene giving me a bad gut feeling about the concept of the West.

Very few Big Concepts in these games (the West, strand(s/ing), patriotism/nationalism, etc) are only symbolic of one thing. That's also true across the board in basically all art, but I feel the need to point that out in public posts because I don't want someone to eg, think that I say something means one thing, and then back that up, and then people think that means it can't mean something else! It can (and often does) mean both! and sometimes that additional meaning is super important!

Anyways, Die Hardman refers to Amelie going West. We don't really use that phrasing much, so it stuck out to me as euphemistic. Especially since we saw her after we died, and there's so much euphemism going on from the bridges team anyways. I mean, cufflinks "symbolize our connection?" Girl, you locked me to my bed with them. You drain my blood with them to turn into weapons. Call 'em what they are.

You'll even notice in the same cutscene that Amelie says "we made it to Edge Knot City" and Sam replies with "all the way to the Pacific?" Not "all the way to the west coast," or even a single question about why she was on the/his beach.

If you know anything about egyptian mythology, you might know that west is considered the direction of death and the underworld. ancient egyptians buried dead people on the west side of the nile river. Osiris, god of death and mummification, and king of the underworld, is referred to as "foremost of the westerners" among his epithets.

So the vibe that I got instantly was "Amelie is already dead, she led her team to die, and they are basically sending Sam on a suicide mission" though I didn't realize exactly how I was right at the time.

The other big thing I recall setting off my alarm bells as the game went on was the fact that nobody you meet has ever met Amelie in person. It's a very slow reveal, especially since most people seem to see online meeting and in person meeting to be mostly the same, and we're told that she set out with bridges one. That she went west. Turns out that...also wasn't literal.

I don't remember exactly when I started wondering if *sam* had ever even met her outside of the beach, but I do remember thinking that there was something off. For a little bit my guess was that she was entirely fictional, some sort of AI (pretty influenced by all the "dead person brought back by AI/hypno bullshit ngl), or maybe that Higgs could somehow disguise himself in the Beach in ways i didn't understand yet.

But I didn't feel *worse* for being able to figure things out ahead of time, I felt clever that I could piece together all the little hints and have a good idea of what was going on. It made death stranding feel more like a coherent sci fi narrative rather than a cheesy action story that's expected to follow certain strict genre conventions.

Not that I'm saying mgs or action in general are bad, but rather that imo Death Stranding feels...more mature and confident in some ways (and also isn't bogged down by 20 years of previous work. which. i don't even like my own shit from a year ago half the time, i cannot imagine having to write within the constraints you created TWO DECADES prior kjhksjfh). Maybe it's that it feels like less of a genre subversion and has more genre utilization? dunno. Now I'm thinking too much like an english major lkajshdf

But yeah anybody who wants to talk about anything totally feel free. Or if you want to give me prompts to write about. I will always be willing to talk about things for way too long on the internet. I just don't always reply quickly because I start rambling....Like This.

#oops this got long #death stranding #samantha america “amelie” strand #amelie ds #analysis or something #anon ask

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the-downwardspiral · 2 years

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The First Commandment ;;; Asa Emory x Male!Reader SMUT

TW: Religious Trauma, Mentions Homophobia & Bad Parents, Asa, Y'all fuck in a church so-

ALSO M/N MEANS MALE NAME IG

You lean against the cold wood of the church pew. Your face is wet with tears and snot as you're sobbing, begging for God to forgive you. Your parents had just kicked you out. They found out. They found out about that "DISGUSTING" and "UNHOLY" way of loving you felt. You left your diary out and they had read all about the boy at church you had a crush on. You were ashamed, embarrassed, REVOLTED with yourself for feeling these feelings so you came to the only place you felt could take them away. That place being the church that has teared apart your mind and soul and heart and anything else that could have made you your own person. You have simply been a shell, a vessel for their scriptures to flood into and brainwash. But yet, you wish that they could save you. You wish they could have made you normal, wish they could have you living your life normally with your parents. But yet, you're here sobbing on the cold limestone floor and nobody has answered your prayers.

"GOD, I'M SO SORRY.. PLEASE JUST REMOVE THIS SINFUL DISEASE FROM ME.. I WANT TO GO HOME.." you say, crying out more. But then, you heard the tap tap of some boots.

You look from the pew to see a rugged, older looking man walking up to the altar. He looks up at the beautiful yet painful artwork on the ceiling and sighs heavily. You gaze at the man, admiring his looks until he turns your way. Its as if he had felt your sinful gaze on him. You wipe your tears and try to get up to leave but he grabs your shoulder with enough force to almost break it. Your already teary eyes started to cry again from it.

"It's late." he says firmly.

You swallow. How would you explain yourself for being here at this hour without delving into your shitty life? Instead of responding with words, you simply look down. You're sure the tear soaked, solem face you have at the moment speaks for itself. The man takes some time to look over your face as if he were reading every thought you're having at the moment. He then lets go of you and grabs one of the bibles from the shelf on the back of the pew.

"This book. It's full of lies, you should know that."

He stares into your eyes as he rummages in his pocket, pulling out a lighter. The man shifts the bible in his hand to hold it in a better angle. But right before he can set it on fire, you grab the bible and look at him with anger and fear in your eyes.

"Why the hell are you doing this? Trying to burn a bible in a church? Are you fucking insane?"

The man grabs the bible back from you with no struggle at all, and you cry and plead for him to not burn it.

"Listen, boy. Why do you try to defend this book when, and this is a long shot, it seems to be ruining your life?"

He stares deep into your eyes, awaiting a real answer. There's no getting out of this already weird and awkward encounter.

"I.. have to. I don't want to end up in hell.. Although I guess I've already got myself a damn ticket for the bullshit I've been thinking."

The man raises an eyebrow at you and lets out a sinister laugh.

"Oh? What kind of things?"

You gulp. Is it getting hot in the church? Or is it the fire of hell coming to take you for the sinful things you are thinking about right now. The man notices how red you are and laughs yet again.

"No need to answer me, boy. Your reaction speaks for itself."

You feel your face get hotter.

"I uh- I never caught your name sir. I'm m/n by the way."

He smiles, dropping the bible onto the floor and stepping closer to you.

"Emory. Asa Emory."

That name seemed familiar, but you couldn't care less. You were tired from crying (among other emotions at that moment.)

"Well, nice to meet you Mr. Emory."

"Nice to meet you too, m/n. Now do me a favor and sit down on that pew for me. Alright?"

You nod, sitting down confused.

"Say, m/n, do you happen to remember the first commandment?"

You take a moment to think, but then you remember it.

"That one is... 'You shall have no other gods before Me' if I'm not mistaken."

He smiles at you again, lifting your chin up to have you looking at him.

"Good job. It's such a shame you'll be breaking that commandment pretty soon boy."

Your face turns bright red. Those sinful thoughts are going a mile a minute, and you don't feel like shaming yourself for them right now. Asa's comment has you intrigued.

"W-What do you mean-?"

Asa grips tighter on your chin, his smile becoming a bit more sadistic.

"You innocent little thing. I'd like to save you like a real god should."

He then moves his hand from your chin up to your hair and pulls you up, having you stumbling to stand. The larger man kisses your forehead lightly and then lets go. Before even being able to stand up right you drop back to the floor, looking up at him fearfully. The sight of you down there had his mind as full of filth as yours was.

"B-but- We're in a church Mr. Emory- We can't do such sinful deeds in here-"

"Says who?"

You gulp, hoping he doesn't see the growing tent in your pants. Of course, Asa is a very observant man so he did in fact notice.

"Seems you've got a bit of a problem down there. Would you like a bit of help, boy?"

"I-I.. Y-Yes-"

Asa smirks as he looks you up and down. It's as if he's undressing you with his eyes, and honestly you'd love if he actually was. Yet again, it seems as if he read your mind. Asa kneels down in front of you and kisses you roughly. You moan through the kiss and grasp at his shoulders as he starts to pull off your shirt.

"M-Mr. Emory--"

"Hush, boy."

And you did.

Asa started to undress himself as well with a rushed pace, he was fully prepared to ruin the smaller man in front of him. You bite your lip as he pulls his boxers off, revealing his huge, hard dick. You shut up every last doubt and lick slowly up it from base to tip, then just going in circles on the tip. Asa, seemingly annoyed, puts his hand on the back of your head and pushes you all the way down on his cock. Your eyes tear up and you try desprately to pull back from it. His strong grip doesn't let you though, and your vision starts to go black. He sees you start to slow down fighting back so he pulls you back for you to catch your breath. You gasp for air, tears running down your face. Asa wipes the tear from you, and stands up.

"Be a good boy and bend over the side of the pew."

You do as your told, eager for the man to be inside you.

"I'm about to show you who your real savior is."

And with that, he rammed his cock so hard into you that you swore you could see stars. He kept this bruising pace, grabbing tightly onto your hips so he can keep ramming fast and deep into you and hitting your prostate head on. Your moans and screams echoed through the church, and you knew if anyone was anywhere close to the place they'd be able to hear you. But the thought of everyone around being able to hear you in there made you want to be even louder. Soon enough, with the amazingly painful thrusts and the embarrassment of being made such a whore in a holy place, you cum more than you ever have. Asa pulls your head back by your hair and starts going even faster if that's possible. Your face is covered in tears and sweat and your throat hurts from both the hard throat fucking you just got and all of the screaming. Finally, Asa does one last deep thrust into you and cums. Both of you are left panting as he pulls out, and you collapse onto the pew. He starts to put his clothing back on and redresses you, giving you his shirt to wear instead. Asa then carries you out of the church and heads to his place, not caring about the mess you both made.

#slashers x male reader #asa emory x male reader #asa emory x reader #x male reader #slashers x reader

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