#thankfully it’s still the 29th where I am | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marmixedwithabitofintellect · 2 years

Text

The Story of You

Lovies I'm sorry for the delay! my grandma is leaving for Europe later this week and she wasn't feeling well, thankfully it was just a scare and we were able to say goodbye to her (which was very emotional not going to lie 🥲), this part does not have any visuals because from now on I'll be doing an IG post for each chapter, which I will post tomorrow! I hope you love this chapter as much as I did, it is truly a special one 🤍 All the love, Mar

Disclaimer: In no way do I wish to spread hate or negative opinions about any of the characters here depicted, this is just fiction and with the purpose of entertaining you guys

Part 15: Illusion

October 26, 2021: Week Thirty-Four

New York, New York. 10:00 AM

The heat was welcomed when I opened the door to Betty’s office, the city was finally welcoming the change of weather and I personally wasn’t enjoying it too much, Randy was sitting on the front desk and smiled when she saw me come in, “Well look who the wind brought! Hi honey!”

“Hi Randy! It’s so good to be back!”, she smiled and grabbed the phone, “I’ll let Betty know you’re here, okay?”, I nodded, and she smiled, a few minutes later Betty came out looking for me, “Well hello to my favorite patient! Would you feel comfortable if I hug you?”, I nodded, “Would you feel comfortable?”

She pulled me into a hug, and it as in this moment that I decided I would never ever take for granted being able to hug another human being, she pulled back and we walked into her office, after doing a general checkup she felt my belly to see where my baby is and then used the doppler; I teared up when I heard it go, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get so emotional over this, but man I have missed it”

She gave me a smile, “Never apologize darling, you’re a mom, you deserve to celebrate every single second”, she turned off the doppler and cleaned my belly, “I am happy to report you guys have a very clean bill of health! Which means you will be able to attend the concerts this weekend but if you get tired you need to sit down”

I nodded, “I promise, but he will still make sure I do all of this”, we both laughed, “So I’ll see you on the 29th just for the ultrasounds okay?”, I smiled at her while we walked to the exit, “I’ll see you in three days”, I walked into the subway and sat down to text Harry who was on his way or had already arrived to Atlanta

To H. Styles (11:15 AM): Guess who got a clean bill of health?

From H. Styles (11:16 AM): That’s awesome! You did it!

To H. Styles (20:35 PM): We did. Good luck in Atlanta 💜 I’ll see you in three days!

I smiled and put my phone away, I stopped at the supermarket for some things and then went home, Betty was serious about me taking it slow and I would obey her.

October 28, 2021: Week Thirty-Four

New York, New York. 4:00 PM

A knock on my door had me furrowing my brows, I had no delivery of baby’s things set for today and Harry was playing in Atlanta today, when I opened it a little a surprised look took my face, “Olivia?”, she stood there with a coffee tray and a small smile

“Y/N, hi, uhm I’m sorry for coming out of the blue, but I really want to talk to you”, I closed the door to remove the lock and opened it for her, I moved, and she came in I followed her to my living room, “Uhm, do you want something to eat?”, she placed the coffee cups on the table and removed her coat, “Thank you I had lunch before coming”

I nodded, she handed me a cup, “Harry said you enjoyed a chai latte, so I bought you one”, I took the drink from her hand, “Thanks, how are the kids and Jason?”, “They are doing good, Daisy’s test came back positive even though she has no symptoms so we have to wait another few days before I can see them”, “I’m glad to heart that, please say hello to them”, she nodded.

I turned to look at her, “Uhm, does Harry know that you’re here?”, she cleared her throat, “No he doesn’t, listen, I really appreciate the fact that you agreed to talk to me; I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk to”, she chuckled, and I gave her a small smile, “Am I that predictable?”, “I mean, if roles were reversed I know you would be”.

She took a sip from her drink, she placed it on the table and sat up straighter on the sofa she was sitting on, “I know there is no apology big enough for what I said to you, to be honest I really don’t have an excuse as to why I said it”, I nodded and spoke up, “I understand that as Harry’s partner you are looking out for him, but you need to understand that there are topics where your role as a partner is limited to a listener, and I think this is one of those topics”

“And I know that now, but at the moment I was so overtaken by so many things, and I don’t want for it to become an excuse, but it is the truth, that week life was just trying to drown me, I really don’t know how much Harry told you about what happened?”

“Not much to be honest, and I don’t really ask; your relationship is yours Olivia, I am just the mother of his child, which in turn means that that relationship is just ours”, she nodded, “I know”, I scoffed, “Do you? Because from what you displayed that weekend, I am starting to doubt that”, she flinched

“I was wrong you know; to have reacted how I did, after all, all you wanted to do was be friends, and there I go and throw in your face the custody thing, and that you looked for Harry and let him know”, she chuckled, “And I didn’t stop there, I even had the audacity to tell you off for meddling on our relationship when I did that first between you and Harry, but I need you to know, that he didn’t cheat while you guys were still together”

She sighed before continuing, “But I was wrong; what you did, telling Harry that he was going to be a father is one of the most selfless and bravest things you have done, because you put your child first, and that is what a mother does”, she turned to look at me, “And that kid is lucky to have a mother like you Y/N and a father like Harry, and I understand that my place as his or her dad’s partner is to take care of them when you cannot do it”

I sat up straighter and ran a hand down my belly before I spoke up, “I will say, I thought honestly that you would never apologize, Harry had tried and apologized for you, but I told him that if you were old enough to say those things you were old enough to hopefully apologize, so I truly appreciate you coming today”, she nodded

“I’m glad you understand where you stand regarding my child’s life, you are his or her father’s partner, and they will always be polite to you because I’ll teach them to, and I know you will always make sure to take care of them when they’re not with me like you take care of Otis and Daisy, but please get it into your head; you’ll never, ever get custody of my kid”

She spoke up, “I know, Harry will not fight for it”, I nodded, “Oh I know, that’s why he sighed an affidavit”, she looked at me surprised, “What?”, I turned to look at her, “He didn’t tell you?”, she shook her head, “Oh, he came and dropped it before leaving for Florida, my lawyer went over it and she’s now in contact with his lawyer, so we’re all good there”, she nodded

“I am glad, that is the most important thing”, we sat in silence for a few seconds until I spoke up, “Olivia, there’s something that has been on my mind since that day”, she nodded for me to continue, “If you and I had already spoken before, why did you say those things?”

I took a sip of my drink, while she continued to talk, “I guess that I got scared; there is so much uncertainty on my life right now, from my past my present and especially my future, I know things are going to change Y/N and I don’t know how much more change I can handle; I mean we are all resilient, but doesn’t resilience have a limit too?”

“It does, I think resilience has become a big part of my life this past year, don’t you?”, she averted her sight, “And the breakup? Why did you bring up the fact that Harry did not cheat Olivia?”

“Because he didn’t, I know that from the pictures and headlines and our own attitudes it seems that way, but he is a gentleman, and we didn’t move forward until he let me know you two broke up”, I placed my cup on his table, “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”, I scoffed and rolled my eyes

She looked at me shocked, “No no no no, I know that nothing will make it better, but if that will give you peace of mind over it, I will be able to breathe”, “Truth is, he did cheat Olivia”, she furrowed her brows, “Because it happened slowly and sadly right in front of my eyes; for weeks I watched him fall out of love with me but keep loving me out of pity, I watched him try and keep alive the love I had worked so hard to protect from anything and everything, except from the real threat”

I let out a shuddered breath, “He may have not been in your bed physically, but he was emotionally, and I truly don’t know which is worse”, she gave me a look of pity and regret, “Y/N I…”

I gave her a sad smile, “Did he ever tell you what happened when we broke up?”, she shook her head, “Not much, just that things were over between you two”, I sniffled, “I broke up with him, before he could break my heart even further and… and before watching him fall in love with you broke me”, she reached to squeeze my hand, “Y/N, I’m sorry”

I stood up, “I truly wish I could believe you Olivia, along with the fact that he didn’t cheat”, she stood up, “Y/N, if you’re still up for it, I would really like for us to get to know each other better”, she settled on her seat and gave me a small smile, I gave her a sad smile

“A few weeks ago, I would have made an effort for this to happen, but now, Olivia, I will put myself first, and that means we’ll limit our contact to the strictly necessary, thank you for coming today”, she gave me a sad smile

“Thank you for your honesty, and for listening to me, I truly appreciate it, take care”, I walked her to the door, and she left, and along with her left the anger I had been feeling against them over the breakup.

October 29, 2021: Week Thirty-Four

Harry. New York, New York. 12:30 PM

I was late. My flight had landed late which meant I had to leave from the airport directly to Betty’s office and I barely made it on time, when I entered Randy smiled at me, “Hey! We just got her back, follow me”,

I waved at her and followed her into the little cubicle, when we got there, Y/N was sitting on the chair on her phone, she put it away and waved at me, “Hello you, how are you?”, I stood up frozen on the door, how on Earth had she managed to get more beautiful since the last time I saw her?

“Hi”, I turned to look at her belly which had also grown, a reminder that we were six weeks away from meeting our love, “You can say hello”, I nodded and kneeled before her, she pulled up her shirt and I placed my hands on her warm belly, “Their head is somewhere around here, and they have been kicking around here”

Sure enough, I felt something hard on the lower part of her belly, and decided to press a little on the upper part hoping to get a kick, but baby was not being cooperative, “Oh come on bubby, you were kicking up a storm while we listened to ‘Style’”, I gave her a smile, “Really?”, she nodded, “Oh, I’ll definitely text Taylor and tell her”

I stood up and she lowered her top, and smiled at her, “Can I hug you, please?”, she nodded and stood up, I reached in and she nuzzled her face in my neck, just like she did when we were together, and I silently thanked whoever listened for the fact that she was okay, that they both were okay, and we were able to be here.

We pulled back and Betty came into the room, “Well hello you! Welcome back to New York!”, i smiled, “Hi Betty, its’ so nice to see you again”, “You too, so, shall we see this little chunker?”, we both nodded, and I helped Y/N get settled on the bed, Betty lowered the lights and turned on the machine.

Betty started moving the probe around her belly while I grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze, “Okay, let’s close our eyes because I do have to check down there”, Y/N turned to look at me and I covered our eyes, after a few minutes Betty lets us know she’s done and we turned to see her looking at our baby’s torso and head, “Well this little chunker is looking to weight between five and a half and six pounds right now, so we may be looking at an eight pounder at birth”

A shiver ran down her spine and i laughed, she then switched so that we could see the baby in 4D, Y/N spoke first, “Oh look at those cheeks! I truly cannot wait to kiss them!”, I squeezed her hand, “Can these six weeks fly by?”, Betty laughed, “They will, don’t worry”, after taking some photos and scheduling our next appointment we said goodbye to Betty and left the office, we stood on the sidewalk and we both reached and gave each other a hug.

We pulled back and I kissed her head, “Want to grab some lunch?”, she pulled back, “I would love to, but I promised Sarah we would get pedicures and then we would go to dinner with Elin and Nyoh”, I felt my heart deflater a little, but I understood, “Oh uhm sure, definitely have fun! Can I drive you to the place?”

She nodded and we walked to my car, when I got in, she smiled, “But, we do have a building date planned don’t we? The last box is set to get here tomorrow”, I smiled at her, “We do, Mitch even bought gloves for me” her laugh made me smile, God I truly would give up anything to see her smile

“Think I’ll order some pizzas for dinner, what do you think?”, “Love the idea”, sadly, we arrived at the salon faster than I wanted but knowing that I would see her tomorrow made me happy, I got out and opened her door, “So, I’ll see you tomorrow?”, she nodded, “I hope you have your costume ready huh?”, I smirked at her and she scoffed

“Yeah right, I cannot even stand my normal clothing and you want me to wear a costume”, I laughed a little, “I’m kidding love, enjoy your pedicure, okay? Let me know when you get home”, she nodded and reached in for a hug before heading in, only turning to wave at me and blow a kiss which I returned.

October 29, 2021: Week Thirty-Four

New York, New York. 3:00 PM

Sarah had texted me that she was just a few blocks away so I should go ahead and check us in, which I did and picked up the color I wanted for my nails, as I was finishing choosing the door chimed in and she came in giving me a big smile and hugging me, she didn’t want to let go but had to after a few minutes

“Don’t you ever do that again! I was terrified for you”, “I’m okay now, I promise��, we chose our colors and sat down, we caught up on what I had missed up on tour, how her family was and if she was excited for Harryween, she groaned, “Don’t remind me, I feel so bad”, I furrowed my brows, “Why?”

“Rachel, our nanny’s friends are coming, but I haven’t found anyone who can help us take care of the rascal”, I scoffed at her, “I’ll take that as an offense”, she turned to look at me, “Why?”, “I’ll take care of him, give her the day off, I need all the practice I can get”, she smiled but shook her head, “I cannot ask for you to do that”, “Sarah Jones of course you can! I insist! I miss my nephew”

“Babes, are you sure? Like a 100%?”, I nodded, “Well then, it’s settled”, I smiled at her and reached to squeeze her hand, “What am I doing S?”, from my peripheral I could see she turned to see me, “What do you mean?”, I laughed, “I have a baby, that, if all goes according to plan, is supposed to come in six weeks, but could come any minute, and the only thing I have are boxes upon boxes of things, oh and one onesie washed”

I turned to look at her, “I have so much left to do and I feel like so little time to complete it; and when the father is on tour, well things get even crazier”, we both laughed, “Babes, calm down, you are okay, Mitch and H will build all the furniture on Monday and I’ll help you wash, and you can sort little by little”

“When I was as far along as you are now, I was just finishing ordering everything, even diapers, so you’re doing okay”, I nodded and took a sip of my tea, “you know you can talk to me, right?”, I nodded, “I’m terrified S, since I found out I have had everything under control, and for the first time, I feel like I have nothing under control”, I sniffled

“I still cannot believe I’m having a baby, that I will be responsible for a whole person, I feel overwhelmed by it, what if I screw up? I don’t want for him or her to end up hating me”, I sniffled and wiped the tears that had started falling, “I truly cannot understand how I can love him or her so much already, how is that even possible?”

Sarah reached her hand to mine and squeezed it, “It means that you are a mum, and that you care, and it is such a normal reaction; I had the same fears as you babe, but I promise, I swear that they will all dissipate when you meet them, I know it sounds like cliché but it’s true”, I smiled at her

“You’re not your mom, and you’ll never be your mom”, my breath shuddered, “How did you know?”, “I can see the gears turning babe; what you have to do now is get everything ready for them and dream of everything you wanna do together, rest, let everyone spoil you and truly enjoy these last six weeks, because they will fly by”

We finished getting our pedicures and started making our way to the restaurant where we had agreed to meet the girls, just before going in I pulled Sarah in for a hug, “Oh what was that for huh?”, I whispered to her, “For being my best friend and the sister I truly never had”, “Stop, you’ll make me cry” we pulled back smiling and went in to have some dumplings.

October 30, 2021: Week Thirty-Four

Harry. New York, New York. 7:30 PM

Little Rowland and I had just arrived at Madison Square Garden. After Mitch had dropped him off around 9 in the morning and ready for his morning nap, we agreed that I would pop over before showtime so that they could get some family pictures and so that they could take him home after the concert.

We have had such an awesome day of watching Cocomelon, playing with some of the plushies Sarah had packed and even had a picnic on the park near my apartment with pictures sent to parents who were really happy.

I had given little man a bath before leaving my apartment and put him on the Halloween costume Sarah had packed, he looked so cute and I couldn’t wait to see what Alessandro and the Harries had come up with for this year.

We got out of the elevator and walked down the hall that was decorated for the occasion and stopped outside the room Jeff had texted me they were in, I knocked two times and when the door was opened I let out a laugh because right in front of me stood Anna (Jeff) Wintour, who checked me up and down before speaking up, “Classy New York pregnant style, I like it”, he then removed his glasses and gave me a hug

“Oh, Glenne is going to be so jealous that I have already given you a hug and she hasn’t”, I laughed, “Hi Jeffie! I missed you, looking good in your costume”, before I could walk any further, I grabbed little man from the stroller and Lambert stopped me at the door, “Any last guesses?”, I stopped and placed a finger on my chin thinking, “Little man and I think that they will go out dressed as…ABBA”

“Dang it! Why didn’t I think of that? Okay now close your eyes” I did, and he grabbed my arm while Jeff was standing behind me, Lambert spoke up, “Okay, on the count of three you’ll open your eyes; one… two… three!”, when I did I couldn’t hide the shock on my face, they were dressed as the characters from ‘The Wizard of Oz’

Elin was dressed as Glinda the Good Witch, Niji was the Tin Man, Nyoh was the Scarecrow, Pauli was the Wizard of Oz, Sarah as the Wicked Witch of the West, Mitch as the Cowardly Lion and Harry as Dorothy, “OH MY GOD! YOU GUYS! I LOVE THIS!”, Sarah walked to me, and Little man smiled and reached for him mom, Harry made his way to me and gave me a hug, “So, what do you think?”

“I am in love! Truly the costumes and the idea is wonderful! I got to say tho, Mitch looks so happy”, everyone in the room laughed and cooed at the baby who reached to pull his father’s costume, Harry turned back to me, “And how did this little baby behave?”, I grabbed his hand and placed it where Squish was busy kicking up a storm, “Excited for tonight, they love your music”

He smiled and we turned when the door opened and Olivia came in dressed as Dolly Parton, she made her rounds around the room and I told Harry I would see him later, I wasn’t in the mood to talk with her so I got busy with Elin and Pauli; when it was time for them to go on stage Sarah handed me the baby and we both waved at them while we made our way into the changing room where we would be watching the show.

The show was a blast, and the energy was amazing, sadly I was so tired that I fell asleep with mister Rowland in my arms when they were performing ‘Cherry’. I was woken up by Sarah and Mitch who were ready to leave and gave me a ride home, we said our goodbyes and I went through my night routine, when I set my phone to charge, I saw I had a text message from Harry waiting

From H. Styles (11:16 AM): I didn’t get to say good night to you 😔Mitch told me you fell asleep with the baby, if you feel tired and want to skip tomorrow it’s okay, I’ll miss you, but your rest is more important, talk to you tomorrow, okay? Sending you and the baba my love 😘😘

October 31, 2021: Week Thirty-Four

Harry. New York, New York. 8:00 PM

Madison Square Garden was once again full of amazing people dressed in even more amazing costumes but again, I was one tired pregnant woman that did not want to wear a costume. The theme for tonight were clowns, but not the scary clowns, they had chosen to be ‘Pierrot’ style clowns, and I loved it.

The concert was a smash and Harry even sang ‘Medicine’, ‘Toxic’ and ‘Kiwi’ had been my favorites. As instructed by Glenne and Harry, Jeff had been a Godsend and helped me so much, especially when I started feeling faint halfway through, but it was nothing that a bottle of water and some snacks couldn’t fix.

I went backstage with Jeff and sat down on the couches while we waited for the band to come, when they did, we congratulated everyone, Elin came and sat down with me, “How have you been feeling?”, I turned to look at her before answering, “Good, it is so good to be out again, how’s tour for you?”

She sighed, “It’s crazy, I really didn’t think I would ever be doing something like this, I am so thankful Harry chose me to be a part of this family”, that made me smile, he always made sure for each and every one of the crew that joins them on tour to feel like a family, “I am glad to hear that Elin, I really am”

A few seconds later Harry made his way to me, and Elin excused herself, “Hey, I saw you sitting down, everything okay?”, I squeezed his arm, “I’m okay, I get tired a little faster than before and hungry, but Jeff made sure we were fed and happy”, he laughed at that

“We were thinking of going to have some dinner, you up for it?”, I nodded and he squeezed my hand, “Let me go change and we’ll go okay?”, Jeff and Anthony joined me on the couch while we waited for everyone to get ready and hoped crowds went down a little; after everyone was ready we hopped into the vans and made our way to the hotel where everyone was staying.

Harry grabbed my hand and we walked inside, the smell of garlic and tomato made my mouth water and I saw there were boxes of Joe’s pizzas, I sat down to eat with the girls and Pauli, and we had so much fun sharing stories on our childhood and tour memories.

It was around 1:30 when I started getting very sleepy and I went to look for Harry, who gave me big smile when he saw me, “Hey you, everything okay?”, “Yeah just tired, think I’ll head home now”, he stood up, “Let me drive you, yes? Everyone was about to go anyways so”, I gave him a skeptical look, “You sure? I can just order and Uber”

He rolled his eyes, “You still the most stubborn person I know huh? I`m sure, let’s go”, we said our goodbyes to the few people that were still there and made our way along with Jeff to the parking, when we got there, we said our goodbyes and Harry and I got into his car, he turned it on and the turned to look at me, “Shall we?”, I nodded, and we made our way to my house.

A few minutes before we got to my house a call from Jeff came through, which Harry answered over the speaker, “Hey, everything okay?”, Jeff nervously laughed, “uhm, I may or may not have your keys here with me, so…”, I let out a laugh and Harry did too, “So, am I supposed to sleep on my car?”

I cleared my throat, “Or you can take my couch?”, he turned to look at me, his eyes were trying to make sure I was not joking, when I nodded he spoke up, “Okay then, I’ll see you tomorrow Jeff with my keys”, we said goodnight and hung up the phone, “I guess it’s a good thing I decided to wear sweats after the concert huh?”

We arrived at my place and got out of his car and made our way upstairs, I unlocked the door and we removed our masks, coats and shoes, before he gave me a smile, “Thank you for letting me stay here, I don’t think sleeping in my car would’ve been the best choice”, I shrugged, “i mean, headlines would’ve been pretty funny if you ask me”

He followed me into the living room, and helped me remove the pillows from the sofa, I turned to look at him, “Hey, come help me bring some blankets and sheets?”, he nodded and we made our way down the hall and into the room that would be turning into the nursery, Harry stopped in the door.

I turned to ask him, “Everything okay?”, he nodded and walked inside, “I truly cannot believe this will be a nursery tomorrow”, I smiled and opened the closet, grabbing some blankets, “Well, maybe not a complete one, but the beginning”, we turned off the lights and made our way back to the living room.

After making his bed we went into the kitchen to get a cup of tea and sat down on the sofa again, I groaned when I felt a kick to my rib and he turned to look at me with a worried face, “What? Are you okay?”, I ran a hand down the spot, “Yeah, they tend to get active at this time of the night, think they’re running out of space”, we both laughed, and I placed his hand where I was feeling kicks

“How are we down to the last six weeks?”, I gave him a silent laugh, “I am also in awe about it”, he sat there in silence and a look of anxiousness, “Hey, everything oaky?”, he drank some tea and turned to look at me, “I don’t wanna go”, I squeezed his hand, “Harry…”, he squeezed back, “I live in constant anxiety that you will go into labor and I won’t be here, and as the weeks go by it grows even more”

“Honestly I was so tempted to have my mom fly directly to you instead of coming to California to see me”, I placed my cup on the floor and reached for his hands, “Hey, we both know that is a possibility, but thankfully you are on this side of the planet, so the longest it will take you to come here is six hours”, he laughed at that

“I know it is not ideal, but we have made it work, and I have a feeling this baby is not coming before its due date, even had a discussion on the matter; but… but if I were to go into labor early, these two weeks are the ‘critical’ ones because I would technically be alone, but your mom will be here from the 37 and you too”

He nodded, we finished our teas and while he used the bathroom, I washed the cups and put away some dishes I had around, as I was turning off the lights he appeared in the living room, “Y/N… thank you really for letting me stay here”, I smiled at him, “Sweet dreams H”

November 1, 2021: Week Thirty-Four

New York, New York. 1:45 AM.

I finished setting up the little snacks when there was a knock on my door, when I opened it the first things I heard was, “Well you definitely look like a mom wearing those dungarees”, I laughed and Sarah whacked Mitch on his head, “ouch! What was that for?”, she then reached to hug me

“You look beautiful mama”, Harry came in after them and kissed her head, “Hi you”, we walked into the kitchen where I had set up a little refreshment station for us, Mitch spoke up, “okay, besides being the best host, what are we supposed to do?”, I smiled

“I would really appreciate if you guys could start with the big furniture while S and I start folding all the laundry I did this week?”, Harry and Mitch nodded and they started making their way into the nursery while S and I settled on the couch, “So, I followed your recommendations and got the bins, so we can sort them truth be told we haven’t bought so many clothes, just the basics”

She nodded, “I think you did good, then when he or she gets here we will spoil them with some more clothes huh? But a baby in neutrals has my heart”, I placed a hand on my belly and turned to look at Sarah, “Wanna feel them kick?”, she nodded excitedly and I grabbed her hand, “Well hello to my favorite niece or nephew, we cannot wait to meet you, but you have to wait until we bring your dad back okay?”

When a well-aimed kick was placed where her hand was, I could say that the assignment was understood. While we folded the clothing we could hear Harry and Mitch in the room, and surprisingly there hasn’t been any accidents; we had just finished with the 3-6 month clothes when we decided we should go get the boys and take a break, Sarah stopped me and said, “Harry wants it to be a surprise, so I’ll go get them”

I nodded and stopped at the bathroom, when I came out, they were waiting for me in the kitchen, we ate some pizza and fruit and made our way back into work. “How are you guys holding up?”, Harry smiled, “Pretty good, Mitch has definitely been the MVP here, and I cannot wait for you to see it”, I smiled, “I cannot wait to see it”

It was close to 9 o clock when Harry and Mitch came out of the nursery, Sarah and I had finished a few hours ago and I showed her the bassinet and rocker we had ordered but they had not yet arrived, we turned to see them and I could see the tears in Harry’s eyes, “Hey, what are the tears for?”, he wiped them and grabbed my hand, “Come with me”

I followed him and my heart started beating so fast, he never let go of my hand and squeezed it stopping at the closed door, “I hope this is everything you envisioned when we shared those pictures and ideas”, he pulled back and I walked to the door before opening it, I took a deep breath, opened it and was in awe when I saw the nursery.

“Harry…”, I turned to him, and he came to give me a hug, he swayed us a little and kissed my head, “You like it?”, I pulled back, “Like it? I love it, this is everything I wanted and more” I sniffled and walked in to see the details they had placed, Harry walking alongside me

“I know it is very simple, but we can definitely add details when baby comes huh?”, I nodded, I sat down on the reclining chair and he kneeled in front of me and placed his hand on my belly, “think you’ll be comfortable enough while feeding them?”, I smiled, “Oh yeah, definitely, I kinda wish we settled this in my room now that you mention it”

He moved his hand across my belly hoping to feel some movement, “We can do that, we can do everything you want okay?”, we turned to look at Mitch and Sarah, who were standing at the door, Mitch had the biggest smile and Sarah was teary-eyed, they walking in hand in hand and Mitch side hugged Sarah before she spoke up

“I know we haven’t told you guys enough, but this baby is so lucky to have you two as his or her parents”, we smiled and Harry helped me stand up and went in to hug her and Mitch, we pulled back after a few seconds, “Thank you guys, we couldn’t have done this without you two”, Mitch spoke up, “Anytime, we truly enjoy being with you guys and this little baby”

November 5, 2021: Week Thirty-Five

Harry. Tacoma, Washington. 3:30 PM

After we finished rehearsals Mitch, Sarah and I decided to grab some lunch and rest for the rest of the day, Y/N and I had continued to talk and discuss everything related to the baby, and slowly but surely, I felt us getting closer, while Olivia and I, well things were not really good between us

“H?”, I turned to look at Mitch, “What’s on your mind?”, I shrugged, “Y/N”, they both turned to look at each other, and I furrowed my brows, “What?”, Sarah gave me a small smile, “Nothing, just wanted to know what was going on between you guys?”, “I mean, we have been getting closer, just trying to figure out what we are missing related to the baby”

“Just tell her already”, I turned to look at Mitch, “What?”, he rolled his eyes, “Mate, I don’t know who you are trying to fool, we can all see it, the fact that you are in love with her”, I sighed, “Mitch, we have been over this”, he interrupted me, “Yeah yeah you are with Olivia and you are working in your relationship… how much longer will you keep up that excuse?”

Sarah gasped, “Mitch!”, “What Sarah? We all know it, we all see it, hell even he knows it, but he doesn’t want to admit it, or am I wrong Harry?”, I cleared my throat, “H?”, I sighed, “I don’t know Mitch, I don’t know”, “Mate you do, don’t lie to yourself anymore, please”, I turned to look at him angrily, “And what should I do with Olivia huh?”

“Leave her”, I turned to look at Sarah like she had grown another head, “What?”, she came and sat down next to me on the couch on my dressing room, “H, you're not happy, you know who your heart truly belongs to, so why keep ignoring it? It is killing you to do so, I can see it”

She sat up straighter and told me, “She may not be my best friend, but I've grown to like her, and Olivia does not deserve your false love”, she squeezed my arm, “Harry, don’t fight it anymore, choose yourself to be happy, for once, and choose with your heart”, I smiled at her and sat down to play with the little boy who was in the floor playing on his mat and picked him up.

The little boy in my arms offered me a smile when I pulled a funny face at him, his parents laughed, a few moments later he settled in my arms, I kissed his head and took a swig of my beer

“What if she doesn't love me anymore?”, they both let out a laugh and I turned to look at them, “What?”, Mitch spoke up, “Harry, are you serious?”, I nodded

Sarah came and kneeled in front of me, squeezing my knee, “H, that girl is so in love with you; yes she is hurt and yes she is still healing, but your love goes beyond this”, Mitch then spoke up, “That doesn't mean you don't have to work your ass off for her to forgive you, and you have to respect her grieving and healing process, but things will work out for you two”, I turned to look at him, “You really think so?”, he smiled at me, “I know so, and in the end, I will gladly tell you ‘I told you so’”

I nodded at him, “I think I will need to cancel our plans in California, maybe you can still take my mom, I have a conversation that is overdue”, they both nodded, we continued to lounge and Jeff came to join us, around five we all took our separate ways and Sarah turned to look at me before the door to their room closed, “H, if you need us, just call okay?”, I nodded and went into my room which was further down the hall.

November 8, 2021: Week Thirty-Five

New York, New York. 11:30 PM.

Little Squish, in fifteen minutes time the official countdown will begin! We will have four weeks until you are set to arrive, we are hoping that you will hold up until said four weeks are done, but we will welcome you when you feel like coming to see us.

Your dad is on the edge over this, especially since he is currently touring the West Coast and won’t be back until two weeks from your due date, so you can say that he’s kinda nervous and anxious, but don’t worry he’ll make sure to be here when you decide to be born.

We feel so excited because we have finished your nursery! Your dad, uncle Mitch, auntie Sarah and I worked on getting ready your nursery and baby I am so in love with it, daddy and I cannot really wait to see you there and grow up. Your grandma Anne and your aunt Gemma will be here in three weeks! This is so exciting for everyone here baby, your grandpa Des will also be here, he is your daddy’s father, and even if him and your grandma got a divorce, they love their children above all and they will love you too! I love you so much baby, let the countdown begin <3

Taglist @tinydestinybear @amyleeeee @harry-is-my-sunflower @beachwoodcaferryy @msolbesg @clarawolf22 @harrysficreblog @infinitely-yellow @cherrylovesblog @wherethehellhaveyoubeenharry @harryspirate @kaitieskidmore1 @michellekstyles @qualitygiantshoepsychic @irelilien @futuristicpalacegardenpsychic @shawnsblue @behindmygreyeyes @sunshinemoonsposts @dirtytissuebox @little-freak-satellite @tinydeskwriter @be-with-me-so-happily @watercolorskyy @goldenlouvr @jgoff717

#harry styles x reader #harry styles imagine #dad harry styles imagine #dad!harry #harry imagine #the story of you #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fluff #harry styles story #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic

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despair-to-future-arcs · 7 months

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The Imposter's Descent Into Despair

[Part 1]

Well... I think it's best we start at the beginning...

Date: December 29th, 2011

*As everyone in Class 77-B was surrounding 1 person - their teacher, who was tied up to a chair which Mikan got up*

Pl-Please... let me go...!

O-Okay everyone, it's tied up and we are all set!

Good, seems we got it all set up...

Now Mahiru, is the camera all set - are we ready to record?

Just about...

Yep, all set! Now we are recording and thanks to you and Kazuichi's tech work; we can finally show all the parents of how much of a shitty teacher she is!

Ar-Are you seriously going to do this?! I worked hard on getting your talents to be symbols of hope!

!!! *gets slapped*

One more word out of you and I'm gonna punch you!

Now now everyone, let's calm down and go one at a time; you all are going to get your chance to vent out your anger and frustrations at her but let's keep this in order...

Now then, who wants to go first...?

Gee... going in order eh, I guess we gotta make sure we all don't start yelling at her at once, well... anyone want to go first?

...I will.

Whoa - you got something to say; ham hands? I'm rather surprise you do.

Weeell she did push you to be our teacher and pretend to be here so yeah, I think you got a ton of reasons so I think it make sense.

Thank you, I think if anything I have quite a bit to say to this women...

Now... where to begin with you, witch; maybe how you kept pushing your job onto me and pretending to be you or how you didn't let me work on my own identity at all...

U-Um, w-well... you see, Ultimate Imposter... I was just... I was helping you improve your talent in impersonating and-!

No, if anything you were being nothing but a lazy, incompetent, moron that just her work onto someone that should have to keep this class in line; in fact I had follow everything to the letter and yet it still wasn't good enough for you!

I told you so many damn times, I want to quit impersonating others, to form my own identity and future and yet you never even let me have that! I was stripe away from it because your too lazy to do anything on your own! I even question why you became a teacher if you won't do your job!

Honestly, I am planning to leave this damn place and frankly, the only good thing that came out of this was meeting Daiki but now that he's gone, I can't even get that! So I'm done, I hope you rot in hell you condescending witch which frankly you shouldn't have done this!

But you decided to enroll here, you should of expected this...!

That is the only thing I'll admit was a mistake but at least I know that dropping out is for the best and that I will accept that, but everything else is your fault, I'll just let everyone else say their piece as I rather not let this go on...

...

*As everyone began to say their piece, Nagi walks over as she unties the bandage rope*

WAAAAAAAHAHAAAAAHAAAA, I'M TEEEEEEELLING!!! *runs out of the room*

AND GET OUTTA HERE, YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING BITCH!

YAHOO, AWESOME! Guys we told that bitch off and it was thanks to Nagi!

Wait... your thanking me...? I'm not sure what I did but at least that lady will leave us alone now, thankfully...

Well I mean, you did convince us to fight back and take a stand, still I think you are selling yourself too short Nagi.

... (She doesn't seem too confident but I suppose she isn't use to it.)

'At first this was the start of a revolution, it's what began it all...'

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dank-meme-legend · 1 month

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Happy March 29th, or as the nerds I'm friends with know it to be, Happy "Sing to Me Instead" Day!

While I could do my yearly raving about the album, I want to take a different approach and talk about the times of my life that coincided with Ben's music as a whole being released.

"Sing to Me Instead" came out in March of 2019 (5 years ago today!) I was 14 years old and newly coming into my queer identity. The music video for "Ease My Mind," a video that shows Ben and a portrayal of his partner in a soft, domestic setting, was legitimately the first time I saw two people of the same gender being happy together in that way. Before that, the word "gay" had been used against me in a derogatory way: "You look gay. / People are going to think you're gay if you dress like that." Not even in the sense of "dressing like a lesbian" (though queerness does not have a dress code, I should make clear), more in the sense of "gay = bad/something you don't want to be." So, to actually see a piece of what gay meant, and to see that it wasn't anything derogatory-- bad-- terrifying... was a huge moment for me. A moment that led me to find other queer media, leading into finding sapphic media such as the musical "The Prom" and music by "The Indigo Girls" and other queer female artists who I still love now, all this time later.

"Reverie" came out in August of 2021. I was 17 and happy with my identity, not dealing with the confusion and fear that I had felt amidst "Sing to Me Instead." I had entered my first ever relationship and thought I felt "reverie"-- pleasant daydreaming, calm, joy-- boy, oh, boy was I wrong. It was a love that hurt, a love that kicked me when I was down and bruised me. "dark times" and "leave my mind" were looped a lot, all the time, 24/7, because that was what helped me to drown out those words that person spewed to me, the words that bruised, slithered into my mind and heart and stuck like super glue-- so terribly hard to wash away-- and kicked me down far into a pit that I spent quite a long, long, long time digging myself out of. Thankfully, I am out of that pit, though the words haunt me sometimes. They fade with every passing day. Thank goodness.

"Honeymind" will come out on May 31st of this year. I will be 19 (as I am now). By then, my partner (@strawberryfemmesapphic) and I will have been together for a year. And while the album will not release on our anniversary (because Ben does not line up his release dates for one specific lesbian couple haha), it will be close enough. The way Ben describes love with this album's concept-- "my love for him somehow softens things up and slows it all down. Like all the jagged thoughts and fears and anxieties always jutting out in my brain are slowly smoothed out, until my whole mind is thickly coated and dripping with pervading warmth and sweetness."-- is the best way I can describe what I feel for her. I don't like to use other people's words, but this reigns true. The softness and ease I feel by just hearing their voice is unmatched. I sometimes visualize my thoughts as if they are tumbling downward like the scene in "Alice in Wonderland," where Alice first falls down the rabbit hole into Wonderland; falling fast and not easily able to climb back up the hole. (There I go using someone else's work to prove my point). Their voice alone can help my thoughts not be as scattered and to smooth out in a more manageable way. They view it as rambling, I view it as helping me in a way I have never been helped before. She gives me honeymind. After all the previously mentioned confusion and fear and heartache and sleepless nights, I have honeymind. My heart is safe, through every twist and turn it took for our paths to cross.

So, all in all, I am unbelievably grateful for Ben's music. These albums and songs have helped me through the most vulnerable times of growing into my teenage years and growing into my queerness. Finding and growing into healthy love, too.

#music #ben platt #sing to me instead #reverie #honeymind #love songs #i love my girlfriend a lot #and I am unbelievably excited to dedicate many a song from honeymind to her #and I'm saying that when not even knowing any songs! besides 'andrew' but that doesn't apply lmao

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visceravalentines · 2 years

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Who’s ready to be choked tf out by this big spooky mask man?! ME. I AM. A note: I know it’s pretty common to distinguish between versions of Michael dependent on which movies you favor. I honestly like them all, and so I write him as an amalgamation of my favorite parts of each version. Just wanted to throw that out there as we skip deeper into the darkness.

Don’t Fear the Reaper: Chapter 3

Rating: Explicit

Length: 2.8k

CW: choking, manhandling, knives, fire

Reader POV

You don’t know how long it takes you to pull it together and peel yourself off the floor of your entryway. You would call into work, but your phone is on the floor of Mrs. Baker’s living room. Maybe the cops will bring it by or bag it up to take back to the station. You feel its absence, but not enough to go back for it. You don’t think work will miss you much, not yet. The weeks following Halloween in Haddonfield are liminal space. No one will question it if you miss a few days.

You need to get out of here.

It takes you half an hour to move methodically through your small house, armed with – of all things – a butcher knife, for all the good it would do you. You check behind every door, inside every cabinet, closet, and crawlspace that could fit a person even half his size. Along the way, you check the locks on every window and both doors that lead outside. Going into your own bedroom, the same room in the same layout where you spent the previous night, makes you physically ill. You find your closet deeply unsettling and move every last piece of clothing aside, just to be sure he hasn’t melted into the shadows in the farthest corner.

Even once you finish, you do not feel safe. You may not ever feel safe again.

Haphazardly you stuff some clothes and toiletries into a bag. When you catch sight of yourself in the bathroom mirror it almost sets you off again. Your face is tear-streaked, your hair a mess, your clothes very clearly slept in. It’s a wonder you weren’t arrested or worse. You look anything but casual and inconspicuous. You look like hell.

You wash up a little bit, fast. Although you know your hands are clean, you can’t shake the feeling that his blood is under your nails, in the creases of your palms, that you can still smell him in your hair. You tend to your wrist. You don’t think it’s broken, thankfully. You can’t stop looking at your neck in the mirror. Not even a scratch. How can that be?

With your bag over your shoulder, you stand at the front door for too long, trying to work up the courage to open it, afraid of who might be standing there. When you at last cross the threshold you all but run to your car. You search the backseat and even the trunk before throwing your bag on the passenger’s seat and peeling out of the driveway, heading for the city limits.

You remember your first Halloween in Haddonfield, how you made this same drive on October 29th, so sure that if you stayed you’d be next. You remember the Halloweens that followed, how you sat crammed on a couch between a zombie and a Playboy bunny and you all laughed and drank and denigrated the whole grisly tradition while surrounded by people and lights and pop music and pretended like you weren’t texting everyone you knew updates every twenty minutes. Untouchable, maybe. Tragedy isn’t real unless it happens to you, and how could it happen to you? You were never the last to leave, but you were never the first either.

When you pass the “Now leaving Haddonfield. We’re sad to see you go!” sign, you relax a little, enough to start processing the events of the last few hours. How you took a few hits from Death himself and survived. How you touched the Shape with your bare hands. How you cooked him fucking scrambled eggs. The whole thing is like a bizarre dream.

You wonder if he feels anything besides the desire to kill. Hunger, definitely. Pain, although he suppressed it well. Over the course of his life, he’s had ample time to practice. You don’t think he felt gratitude for what you did, not in any real way. Perhaps you surprised him. Perhaps the only reason you’re still alive in this moment is because you did something no one else has done for a long time: you tried to help him.

When you first moved to Haddonfield, you did the mandatory research. You know about Michael Myers’ early childhood in a cold home. You know how long he spent at Smith’s Grove under a magnifying glass. You know about Dr. Loomis, how his obsession with this apparent devil-child occluded any chance of him offering any real help to Michael. What would it be like to be raised by orderlies and physicians? How long can you treat a human being – a child – like a monster before they become one? You don’t doubt his need to kill, or its inextricable place deep in his brain. But surely this was not the inevitable outcome. You wonder if he has memories of kindness, if he would recognize it as anything but weakness. And you wonder why you are wondering about him, instead of the people he butchered two nights ago.

You are suddenly so tired. The only sleep you got the night before was feather-light and rife with mortal terror. Your body couldn’t possibly produce another ounce of adrenaline. You wanted to get much further before stopping, but when you snap awake while drifting across the center line you decide your best chance at survival is to stop driving for a little while.

At the first motel you see, you pull the car around back where it can’t be seen from the road and get yourself a room on the second floor close to the stairwell. You are all but swaying on your feet when you bring up your things. You lock yourself in very carefully, deadbolt and chain, and when you lay down you’re not sure how long you spend staring at the door before your brain forcibly hits the switch and knocks you unconscious.

It is hours later when you jerk awake to the piercing ring of a fire alarm. Suspicion cuts through your bleary panic. You swing your legs out of bed, step to where you can see the door. It is still locked. Smoke seeps in through the crack near the floor.

“Fuck.” You scramble for your pants, your shoes. The smoke is growing thicker, enough to sting your throat.

You tap the door handle. It is cool to the touch. You unlock the deadbolt and ease the door open still on the chain, getting a face full of smoke. Coughing, you peer into the hallway, blinking against the burning in your eyes. You can make out the flicker of flames against the far wall. Whether he’s out there or not, you’re out of time.

You take the chain off the door and rush into the hallway, down the stairs, the alarm still splitting the air. In the parking lot, the November chill is bracing. Shoulders hunched against the cold, you hurry to your car, looking over your shoulder at the flames leaping into the sunset sky from more than half of the windows on both stories. A horde of guests have congregated at the far end of the lot, but you feel no need to make your way over to join them. You didn’t intend to stay here long anyway; you may as well be on your way. You’ve never heard any stories of Michael Myers the arsonist, but the last twenty-four hours have seen a lot of firsts.

You toss your bag into the backseat. When you turn, he is there.

Your body lurches backwards in a flight response and you inhale sharply to scream but before the neurons fire to your lungs his hand is over your mouth, slamming your head back against the window once, twice. You stumble, losing your footing, sliding down the side of your car.

With one hand around your throat he forces you the rest of the way to the ground. His knee is between your legs, the other beside your hip, and you kick him in the groin as hard as you can. He responds by lowering himself even closer, shifting more of his weight onto your windpipe. You gasp, choke, squeak. He is so close you can see his eyes are blue. Your heels dig against the asphalt for purchase and find none. There is a high-pitched buzzing in your ears. Desperate, you reach for the mask, grasp for the eye holes. His free hand slams your injured wrist to the ground and the pain is a blinding white flash. When it clears your vision begins to tunnel.

The last thing you see before you slip unconscious are those dark, gleaming eyes.

When you awaken, it is gradually, then all at once. Your nervous system skyrockets back into an immediate fight-or-flight and you sit up quickly – too quickly – your head spins, your throat aches, your mouth is so dry. It is dark, and you are on a bed. You are on…your bed.

You are in your bedroom.

This realization is so jarring you cannot move past it for several seconds. It is nighttime. Were you dreaming? Your brain analyzes the pieces. Have you been dreaming? How the fuck did you get here? God, your head hurts.

Moving your limbs is like pulling tree roots from the soil. You are still wearing your jeans, your sneakers. You smell like smoke. It starts to come back, the fire, the drive out of town. The slam of your skull against glass, against asphalt. Your stomach lurches. Where is he?

You did not drive yourself back to Haddonfield.

Your door is shut, your closet open. You don’t see him in the shadows. You even check under your bed, though the pounding in your head almost blinds you. When you sit back up and the pain recedes, you hear it. The shower is on.

Does the Shape take showers?

Fuck.

Your heart is racing. You feel simultaneously trapped in your bed and like a clock is ticking down the seconds for you to get up before it’s too late. Time is not moving slowly; time is moving very fast.

When you make your decision it unfreezes you. You clamber off the bed and hurry to your desk, dragging it across the carpet to brace against the door. Pens clatter to the floor, not loudly, too loudly. The desk isn’t large but it might buy you time. You run to the window and pull up the blinds, start fussing with the lock. The strip of porch roof outside your bedroom is narrow, but you can fit. From there you can jump; you’ll probably be fine. From there, you can run to a neighbor’s – not Mrs. Baker – knock on their door, put them in danger –

The thud against the door elicits a scream from you that has been sitting on the back of your tongue, waiting. You whirl around and there he is, a sliver of mask through the gap, one arm forcing its way through, gripping the edge of the door. He pushes the desk aside like it’s made of Styrofoam. You turn back to the window, fumbling at the lock, but in mere seconds he is behind you, grasping the collar of your t-shirt. He throws you to the floor and then almost delicately pulls the blinds.

Scrambling across the carpet burns your palms, jars your wrist, and of course you are not fast enough. He grabs your ankle and drags you back towards him the way a cat scoops up a fleeing mouse. You kick wildly and twist yourself onto your back, landing a good solid kick to his stomach, and then his hand is back around your bruised throat, his legs on either side of you. You’re squirming like a bug about to be pinned, slapping futilely at his chest, grabbing his arms, clawing at his fingers, until you feel the sting of steel against your sternum. You go limp, strings cut, heart in freefall. Your hands fall to your sides, your fingers clench the carpet, and a whimper escapes your lips.

He presses the tip of the knife deeper against your breastbone. It feels like wet fire. Tears burn in your bloodshot eyes, but you do not look away from him. You want to close your eyes but you don’t want to die like that. You want to see it coming. His eyes are boring into you, he’s going to watch you die….

When he lifts the knife from your skin it is almost worse. You gasp, sob. When he stabs it into the floor so close to your ear that you feel the air part, you cringe in his grasp.

You see that ghostly face above you, see the eyes drilling into you, put your hands on his wrist and realize he is no longer squeezing. He is merely holding you there, waiting to see if you got the message. He smells like stale blood and…sandalwood? Your bleary eyes strain and see that he is wearing the same stained coveralls but the collar is damp. The bastard used your body wash.

You squint up at him. It takes you several tries to form words with lips and tongue, to coax air through your constricted windpipe. “What do you want?” you rasp at last.

He tilts his head, appraising.

You finally close your eyes and grunt softly, overwhelmed by pain and bewilderment. Opening them back up takes such a concentration of strength. “I don’t understand why you haven’t killed me.”

No response.

“I didn’t tell the cops anything,” you cough. “I guess it wouldn’t do much good anyway…they haven’t found you so far.”

His head straightens. He takes his hand off your neck at last and sits back on his heels, still straddling you. The moments stretch long, a blessed reprieve from the violence. You can feel your heartbeat in your skull. Every breath tugs the puncture on your chest.

“Is this what you do?” you ask finally. “You take a – a hostage and recuperate?”

To your surprise, he shakes his head once, almost imperceptibly.

“No,” you say as it dawns on you. “You didn’t expect me. I surprised you.” Your predicament is suddenly, painfully clear. “What are you…going to do with me?”

No answer comes. You notice his left fist clenching and unclenching against his thigh in what seems to be an unconscious gesture.

“You don’t know what to do with me,” you whisper. Of course he doesn’t. He interacts with people in one of two ways: with violence, or indifference. You have somehow – quite unintentionally – wound up somewhere in the center. You offered him help and then delivered, not once, but twice. When was the last time he had any human interaction besides screaming, subduing, slashing? Could it be possible that somewhere in the cold, seething coils of rage, he recognized your compassion? Does he even have a name for it?

Now is not the time to wonder. Now is the time to press what just might be an advantage – not a big one, but hopefully big enough to keep you alive.

You can scarcely fathom the words as they come out of your mouth. “What if you stay here? Until the fuss dies down. I could…I could feed you, you could…sleep here.” Oh god. What the fuck are you doing?

Surviving, you tell yourself. He will not let you go. So you have to make him stay.

“I’ll let you stay. I won’t tell anyone. If…if you don’t kill me.”

You wish you could see his expression. His eyes are penetrating, like he’s looking for the bait and switch. When he reaches toward your face, you almost choke on the breath that catches in your throat. He takes the knife in his hand, tugs it from the floorboard.

In one lithe motion, he stands, the knife loose and comfortable in his grip. He watches you. This is a test. You push yourself up on your elbows, staring at his face, not the weapon. You sit up, have to squeeze your eyes shut as the room whirls around you. Finally, bracing yourself on the mattress, you stand. You are almost toe-to-toe with him, the zipper of his coveralls level with your hairline. Can he hear your heartbeat? Surely he can. His breath rattles within the mask.

You gather your courage and turn away from him, towards the door, force yourself to walk to it slowly. You can feel his impossible eyes on you, sense his presence that snuffs out the light and vanishes the air. You have the distinct impression you have just done something incredible, like climbing a mountain or completing a marathon.

Or facing Death again and coming out the other side.

“Come on, I’ll…I’ll start dinner.”

As you descend the stairs one at a time, he follows you like a shadow.

Taglist: @daybreakmistakes

#my writing #michael myers x reader #michael myers x you #michael myers #michael myers fanfiction #michael myers fanfic #halloween fanfic #slasher fanfiction #minors dni

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merrock · 2 years

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HAPPY FIRST OF AUGUST!

Just as fast as June went by, July flew by right after, and now we're in August! A hot, hot month, but thankfully we have fun things happening in our little town, and some stuff that we want to go over as mods, as well, that we think is pretty important! So, you know the drill. Read on!

HAPPENING IN AUGUST:

trivia night (august 6) -- for anyone who signed up, our trivia night will be happening at The Mirage on August 6th! We will be taking sign-ups still for a few more days, and although this isn't a huge IC event, it should be fun OOC to see how it turns out!

town-wide yard sale & classic car cruise-in (august 12 - 14) -- a fun way to just get out and have some fun with your neighbors, not to mention unloading your junk!

end of summer pool party (august 21 - 27) -- join everyone in town as they wind down summer with one last hurrah at the merrock public pool! adult swim every night after 8pm, with lots of fun happening during the day for the kiddos, as well.

mini events -- on August 3rd, we will be having Watermelon Day at the farmer's market! There's also the 1st day of school on August 29th, and eat outside day takes place on August 31st for anyone who really likes to picnic.

EXTRA BIT OF FUN:

This month’s development resource is all about music and how it relates to your character with our very first playlist challenge! As usual, this can be done anytime, but we are introducing it to our stockpile for the month of August. Might be fun to challenge yourself with! We will also have a task coming up later this month that has to do with our one year anniversary. Exciting! Stay tuned.

RULE CHANGES & REMINDERS:

as usual, I am asking that you please take a few moments to read over our rules -- just to refamiliarize yourself!

please do the leg work when it comes to your activity! don’t expect everyone to only come to you: reach out to others for plots, respond to plot calls, say hey to an old friend, ask someone for something new if a thread feels stale or outdated rather than ghosting them. it feels good!

& reply to open starters! we have made notes of who we do and do not see doing this, and would prefer avoiding handing out warnings. we want this group to be inclusive and foster a wide variety of interactions to discourage bubble roleplaying in any way. we have amazing characters -- you never know what could shake out!

our messages are always open for you to chat or ask for help or bring something to our attention, but if you need something that requires us to be logged into main and at a computer (some examples would be an unfollow, a development page addition, a hiatus request, an update to your bio, etc.), please send it to the ask box. it allows us, as a team, to set a boundary where we aren’t expected to be online 24/7, and helps us help you by having everything in our inbox that needs taken care of.

last little thing -- triggers should be tagged as “trigger tw” for ease of use. this includes dash and ooc interactions. (ex: blood tw, cancer tw)

THINGS BEHIND THE SCENES:

late august marks our one year anniversary of being open! at least for our soft opening. we're so grateful for everyone who has joined our group along the way, whether it was way back then, or during our wide opening this spring! and we're so excited to see what our second year has in store for all of us!

as we teased last month, we do have a little something that will probably be starting in september and should get some NPCs involved in the game (outside of the Benefactor, and less interactive, just kind of there for fun). stay tuned for more information, but Lindsey and I are excited!

another new location will be coming soon ish! we had two planned for july, but life got a little hectic, and I decided it made more sense to open up towards the cooler months, anyway. but it’s not forgotten, and I think that it will be a really fun nostalgia-inducing place the locals will love.

to give you a ‘free preview’ at the month ahead, we’ll be having our Sunflower Festival, with a fun added bonus of a music fest being thrown in there! Creek Fest, which is our annual fall festival will be happening, as well (don’t worry, it’s totally different from Sunflower Festival), and we’ll see the ushering in of fall and in true Maine fashion... another lobster day!

Overall, we are very pleased with our first (almost!) year here in the group, and have loved writing and creating and growing, and think that we’re going to have an amazing year ahead! I know that we can sound like broken records with reminders to reply to starters, not to drop a lot of threads, to reach out to others, to watch activity... but it’s because we truly love this group and our group of writers, and want to see this place continue to thrive for a very long time, and we hope that you understand that, and thank you for making this place amazing.

Let’s make it a great August! xx

#merrockadmin

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anygiventim3 · 9 months

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June 23, 2022

Damn, it’s almost been a full ass year. What the fuck.

Lot’s has happened, of course. Life’s been chaotically busy in a goodish way. Unfortunately I have the saddest update I’ll probably ever have here....My father passed away a few days ago. On Monday, June 20, 22.

I guess the beginning starts somewhere in October 2021. He went to the hospital on October 29th, to PRMC with complaints of SOB and belly pain and low o2 sat. He was diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism. This was a 2-3 day stay. While there he had an ultra sound done of the heart which showed moderate stenosis of one of his heart valves which lead to his cardiologist suggesting a procedure to address it in February 2022. That procedure came and went fine, he still had complaints of SOB and belly pain. More echocardiograms ordered by cardiology now showed moderate to severe stenosis in his aortic valve and a TAVR was recommended for April 2022. On April 26, 2022 he went in and had the procedure done and by the AM he had a decrease in level of consciousness which lead to a stroke alert which was thankfully negative. I was concerned from that and also because he was on an external pacemaker for heart block which was odd since he didn’t have a history of arrhythmias. I went to see him and he was mild to moderately confused. He was alert to himself, who I was, where he was but he thought the year was 1922? I thought it was from the anesthesia. He also had fever, nausea, diarrhea, profuse sweating, stomach pain and he just looked uncomfortable. On the 27th, I stayed with him until 8pm and it was also the last time I heard his voice. In that visit he didn’t tell me what was wrong but I could tell he was uncomfortable. I said good night and that I’d see him tomorrow. He told me tell my baby hi and I joked around and said and my husband too right? He just smiled and laughed in a forceful way. I had no idea that was the last time he and I were going to have a conversation ever. At 4am on April 28th his hemoglobin went from 13 to 6 by 9am.

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daily-nora · 9 months

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Today is August 4th 2023

Some time has passed (my bad) and you are as busy and interactive as ever!

You are so smiley and giggly and love to be silly with mum and dad. You are very ticklish on your sides and under your neck, love to play on your activity mat from your Auntie Justine (you grab all the toys that dangle above you with ease), and enjoy going outside (we try to avoid too much sun exposure since there isn't much shade where we live) but we got to test out a kitty pool this July which was lots of fun. You seemed a bit unsure, but you just chilled in the water anyways! Otherwise you and mum will go out into the backyard for short stints of time to get a little fresh air. Dad comes along on our walks, though!

However not everrrything has been (literal) sunshine and rainbows. You have begun your teething journey and are still working through that the best we can. You also have some not so good days when it comes to digestion and how gassy you get. Mum and dad try to help you best we can. And unfortunately we had to take your for an ultrasound at just 3 months old. You have a 3cm lump in your left jaw/cheek that we have had to get investigated by doctors. And next week, you go see a special doctor in London who can hopefully help tell us more about what we are dealing with. We know it is a type of engorged blood clot (more or less) so thankfully we have very smart doctors that can help guide us to the next step. It definitely makes mum and dad sad that you have to go through any of this at all so young. But we will get through it together, and mum and dad will be with you every step of the way ❤️

We celebrated mum's 29th birthday together for the first year ever! It was definitely the most fulfilling birthday I've EVER had. It was so special just because you were there with me!

We are in a good sleep routine for you now, too. You wake up about 7 am everyday, then nap around 10 am, awake by 12, back down by 2 pm, up again by 4pm or 5pm, then go to bed for the night at 8 pm! You sleep pretty solid, only waking up maybe 2 times at most through the night for milk and snuggles 🥰

You and mommy are just best buddies while I am off on maternity leave. It is so wonderful to be able to spend these precious moments of your life together. It warms my heart when I go into your room after you wake up from a nap, and you flail and squeal and smile when you see me! Before when you were just a tiny newborn you didn't seem to know what was going on, just that you knew you were fed and warm. Now that you recognize me and show me you love me too, it is my absolute favourite part about motherhood so far. You are my tiny bestie. And I love you more than words can ever say.

I thought when I was pregnant that I knew you already, but watching you grow infront of me and develop this sweet, kind, silly personality, with this beautiful bright smile, all wrapped up into the cutest little chubby baby package, I realize now I had no idea the blessing I was in for.

I don't know what I did in life to deserve you Nora Bean, but I'm so glad I did it. I love you, I love you, I love you!

-your mom ❤️

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echo-of-sounds · 3 years

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birthday creampie (pt.3 in the 'your first creampie' series)

-Gang Orca x f!reader-

smut drabble of kugo giving you your first creampie

I'm sorry I haven't posted something in so long. And, I know it's late, but this is for Kugo's birthday (it was the 29th)! Sorry I delayed it, but I rather it be a few days late then on time and not good quality.

“Hey,” you welcomed Kugo home. He didn’t seem particularly stressed or relaxed, so that was good. His suit jacket looked fairly roughed up, though. “How was work?”

“How it typically is.” He unbuttoned and flung his cape and jacket over a chair, loosening his tie after.

As he came towards you, you closed your laptop. It was easier to see his clenched jaw and ever so slightly tense shoulders with him near. You whispered, rubbing his bicep, “I’m sorry, honey. Do you still have tomorrow off at least?”

“I have the entire weekend off.”

“That’s good,” you exhaled, relieved his work didn’t mess up his plans for once. You scooted close, curling your legs halfway on his lap. “Excited to see what you get?”

“I told you, you didn’t have to get me anything.”

“I know. I wanted to.”

He huffed, but the hint of a smile wasn’t lost on you. He patted your thigh and nudged your forehead, heated breath warming you. “Thank you. And yes, I am excited. It’s been a while since it’s just been you and I for an entire weekend.”

Your lips pressed to his nose. “Mhmm. An entire weekend with an old man.”

“If thirty-five counts as old, then I guess I am.”

Before you could tease him some more, he straightened, reached into his briefcase, and spoke, “I almost forgot. Look what I found,” His hand pulled out, holding a set of old Scooby-Doo comics; the three issues printed by Harvey Comics that you’ve tried hunting down more than a few times.

You smiled, unable to suppress a sad laugh mixing into your excitement. “Kugo… Did you seriously buy me something on your birthday?”

“My birthday isn’t until tomorrow. Here.” He placed them in your lap.

They were clean, kept safe in a plastic sleeve. You carefully pulled the first issue out and flipped through the pages. No signs of aging or wear affected them. Full coloring. Clear words and outlines. No cuts. No stains. No folds. Perfect. You sighed as you felt the spine, “Where did you find these?”

“An old collectible shop near the park. I saw them, and I couldn’t just leave them there. I know how long you’ve looked for them.”

You slung your arms around him. “Thank you.”

“It was nothing.”

“I love you. I love you so much,” you hummed into his cheek. One thigh made its way over his lap, settling you nice and close. “I feel like I should give you one of your presents early.”

“I’d rather have you tonight.”

Claws, despite their sharpness and size, took the comics with the same gentleness he would use with a flower and returned it to its plastic sleeve. They took your hands next, thumb stroking over your fingers, slowly lifting them to his rostrum, nuzzling them for a makeshift kiss before his tongue tapped them.

You whispered his name. It called his tongue to lap along your cheek, brushing warmth and affection. Hands found your bare legs, working slowly, stroking from your knee to your underwear, sneaking under them before smoothing down again, groping and petting. Occasionally, a nail or two would grace along you, almost tickling, spurring your hips to rock.

Expressions of appreciation and love spread between you. But his clothing felt like too much of a barrier, preventing the words and feelings from absorbing. So, as his tongue mindfully slipped past your lips, always careful of your reactions, you fumbled with his tie and vest. His wide shoulders always made working with the latter difficult.

Thankfully, he took over and unbuttoned his dress shirt, too. It left his torso open, and you gleefully pawed at him. Trapezii and deltoids flexed. Broad pecs and axilla hardened. You traced the rift between his abs. They weren’t rigidly defined like those gym rats, but that didn’t take away from their handsomeness. His bulk and build were still marvelous.

Abruptly, he stood. You yipped and held tight. While he carried you, you kissed and bit one of his clavicles. A low chuckle droned through his chest. You could feel it much better with his top off; his thin skin abling you to feel his heartbeat intensely as well.

You kissed away the hint of saliva and indents your teeth left.

“It’s alright. You’ll have to bite me much harder to leave a mark.”

“I know. Just wanted to kiss it better.”

Before you could peck it again, you were placed on the bed, getting to watch as Kugo unbuckled his belt, relishing in how his Adonis belt, accentuated by the hard line of black and white skin, led into his pants. And those were next. Thumbs hooked and lowered them, taking his boxers too, exposing his beautiful pubis and hulking thighs and hanging, twitching cock pulsing to life.

He didn’t let you ogle for long. He crawled atop of you, helped you remove your nightgown, slid off your underwear, and returned his tongue to your mouth like it belonged there. The weight of his body was welcomed, creating a small little wall to the world. It was just you and him.

Palms flowed down your side, hoisting your thigh to rest on his waist. One of his thighs dipped between yours, catering to your need for friction. Your hips listened, lazily humping his leg, slicking the surprising amount of arousal along him. Your bodies leisurely roused each other.

His caressing resumed, kneading the soft spots on your thighs and cupping your bottom, pricking and spreading them at your sounds. He tugged you closer. You held his jaw, wetly sighing around his tongue, “Ku… Go.”

Much to your chagrin, your mouth was emptied, leaving you to swallow the saliva he left. “You’re much more wonderful than a present.”

“Don’t be cheesy,” you giggled. “And you don’t even know what I got you.”

“I don’t need to know, my love.” He licked your lips clean and delicately pressed a finger inside, eagerly adding a second, hushing your growing moans. His free arm laid under your neck, supporting your back while you wiggled, fucking yourself on his fingers.

“Kugo, more.”

“Shh.” He cooed, always needing to temper your eagerness. “Take it slow.”

His fingers waved, inciting your hips to hurry, and swept upwards. You gripped his wrist and jerked. At your hanging, dry mouth, his tongue filled it. Saliva dribbled from your lips. It became less of a kiss and more of you just sucking on him, doubly so when a third finger wormed in like you wanted, finishing the stretching.

“God- Fuck- Fuck,” you blubbered and scratched. Your eyes and neck rolled back as they sped up, weighing heavy and sturdy inside, molding you to his shape.

Arousal and sensitivity heightened. The three thick fingers sunk fully in. His palm, fawning over your clit, massaged all the wetness right back into you. The increased stress and pressure tighten your body, bearing a sudden tenseness, sending warm pleasure up your spine and down to your toes. You moaned through the waves and ripples until your body gave.

“I love you, too,” Kugo muttered, serenading your breasts with love and long, thorough licks.

You whimpered at the coddling. It was made more acute by his fingers still inside. And he made no move to remove them, keeping them still as you calmed.

Your wandering hands stopped on his erection and weakly pumped. Precum dotted your stomach. He didn’t move, but he did groan, fanning your chest in heated breaths. It added to the fever your orgasm left behind.

You were emptied, lifted, and positioned to straddle him. His cock bobbed between you — hot, thick, and twitching. He rubbed your back as you rubbed him, feeling each vein throb. You couldn’t help but sway, brushing his head just so against your clit. When he grabbed your hips, you sped up, grinding along his length, watching you slick over him, practically lubing him up with your own arousal.

Kugo groaned your name and hurried your movements. Each graze to your clit jolted you just a little more. Your sighs were interrupted by his tongue. Rubbery-like skin cushioned your fingerpads, feeling up past his temple to his dorsal fin, massaging its base. It urged him to jerk you a little faster, a little harder.

Maybe you could give him an early present? Though, it’d also be a present for you too. But you’ve never mentioned it. Maybe this would be too sudden or out of the blue for him? You didn’t want to make him uncomfortable and on his birthday of all days.

You’ve seen it, tasted it, smelled, and felt it. But it’s never been in you. No one’s ever cum in you, and you were as certain as you could be that you wanted Kugo to be the first person to do that, and from how your relationship has been going, hopefully, the only one.

You withdrew from the kiss and stopped all the pampering. It took you a few seconds to catch your breath. Red eyes met yours, summoning a bit of embarrassment about what you wanted.

He nudged your cheek, noting your very obvious fluster. “What’s on your mind?”

“Um… I was thinking about something, like… Could we try something today?”

“Try what?”

Unsure how to say all of your thoughts, you boiled it down to its basics: “I want you to cum in me.”

His dark skin couldn’t blush or glow, but you recognized the searching eye and clunky movements.

“Kugo, it’s okay if you don’t want to. Completely ok-”

“I want to.” The eagerness in his voice chased away some nerves. “I’ve just never… done… that.”

“I haven’t either.” You placed your palms on his chest. The heart inside beat heavily, hotly. “I think I, um… I want to try it with you. If you’re okay with it, of course,” you added on the last part, not wanting him to feel pressured in any sense.

“I’ve never had a partner I’ve felt comfortable enough with to try it with. It always felt too intimate than what I was ready for.”

You cupped his cheeks, holding eye contact in defiance of the butterflies shaking your body. “I’ve always felt the same. But I'd really like to try it with you.”

“I’d love to.” He licked your nose before burying into your shoulder. “You’re too good for me.”

“No, I’m not.” You sighed his name, lining him up, slowly and, somewhat timidly, lowering. You grit your teeth from the girth. And it only flared and bulked the further you went, part physically, part mentally.

“I feel like you are.” Soft words purled out, seeping avid praise and adoration into your skin. Claws gripped your bottom, cosseting you snuggly on and against him, trapping passions between you. “I always feel like you are.”

“Kugo…” You rested on his shoulder, allowing him to take control. He lifted you up. His corona, though not much wider than his shaft, popped out with a lewd noise. Without needing to look, he guided you onto him again, prodding your front wall the whole way, groaning as he finally nestled fully inside.

“You’re the only one I’ve felt this comfortable with.” His temple leaned on yours. Arms folded around your waist, keeping you in his cradle. Not once did any of the muscles or sharp points of his being ever hurt or scratch you. They nurtured and gave and celebrated all of you, even the ‘less than’ parts. The depth of his mumble shivered your limbs, “I’ve only loved you like this.”

“Don’t make me emotional.”

“I don’t mean to.” Kugo moved, easily maneuvering your body to the bed, never once leaving you empty. Strong thighs kept yours wide and kept him deep.

“Fuck,” you panted.

Weight settled on you. Hands slid under you, grabbing your ass, spreading you open. His pubic bone flattened to your clit. And his hips glided in patient, languid thrusts. Each one prodded densely, almost painfully.

You grasped at his back. Sleek muscles rolled with his hastening motions. You couldn’t move, too caught up in his arms and cock. At one particularly stressful thrust, you hissed, loudly.

“Are you okay?”

“It’s… I can’t…”

Kugo whispered your name. It was all from concern. You knew that. But feeling him beginning to withdraw, you wrapped your legs around his waist, and your nails dug further into his back. You could feel skin scuffing under them. “Stay. God, please, stay. Please.”

He said your name again, remaining still.

“Kugo, I’m almost-” You humped, trying to get him moving. “I’m alright. I’m okay. You’re just- Fuck. You’re so fucking big. C’mon. Please. I want your cum in me.”

A finger tilted your chin up. His tongue bathed over yours and he resumed at the same speed, but much, much firmer, sinking balls deep, force bouncing your body. Hands swaddled your ass, acting as an anchor to hold you still for a good fucking. It granted a stable rhythm and an impending orgasm. And his earnest groans helped, pleasing your ears more than it should have.

The ceiling blurred. A tear cooled your temples. Eyes and heart fluttered, leaving you grappling and gasping as his rutting, grunting body. Yet, before you could peak, you felt his. It was new, hot, swelling his cock, being the first man to ladening you with cum.

“Oh…” you breathed, struggling to get the sounds out. You questioned if it was the average experience. It was almost uncomfortable: ample, awkward, and ardent, pressuring you a bit too much as it steeped around, inside. You trembled and stuttered something akin to his name.

He licked your cheek, cleaning the tear and granting some coolness amidst the sweat. “You need to cum-”

“Don’t- I do- I don’t need- need to,” you blundered.

“I feel it’s unfair-”

“It’s not, Kugo. I promise. This is perfect. It really is.” You embraced him as best you could. Your legs still held his waist, refusing to let go even as he went flaccid. You didn’t care about orgasming, beyond content with simply feeling this for as long as possible. Your voice shook when you spoke. “This is all I want right now. Please.”

Though it was his birthday, he granted you another gift: Arms settled on either side of your head, keeping you safely bundled under him. The remaining tears were lapped up. “I meant every word I said. I love you more than you could know.”

#gang orca #gang orca x reader #kugo sakamata #kugo x reader #gang orca smut #gang orca imagine #bnha smut #bnha imagines #bnha x reader #bnha

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thefanficmonster · 2 years

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You Look Happier

Corpse Husband x Reader (Gender Neutral - They/Them pronouns used)

Warnings: Post Break-up Angst, Swearing, Heartbreak

Genre: Angst, Song fic (Happier by Ed Sheeran), RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Corpse’s struggles following the break up between him and Y/N perfectly described through the song lyrics of the song Happier by Ed Sheeran.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your request, it was my first song fic one and I’m really happy to be writing it. Hope you enjoy the fic despite the wait. Love, Vy ❤

“Walking down 29th and Park”

I’ve never been one to be keen on going out when it isn’t necessary. If I wanted a breath of fresh air I’d just spend some time in the safety of the semi-outdoors of my balcony. However now, even as I’m fully in the outside world, protected by no walls to preserve my identity, I still feel suffocated like those walls, instead of being around me are crushing me underneath their weight.

What I see next only adds to that weight...

“I saw you in another’s arms“

Oh for fuck’s sake.

Why are they here? No, that’s a dumb question. They live in the same city and frequent the same places. They were the ones who brought me to them and introduced me to a world where no one knew me. I was on their territory, not vice versa.

But the sight of them itself isn’t what has frozen me dead in the middle of the side walk - it’s the person walking alongside Y/N with an arm around their waist, completely ignorant to my presence, luckily for me.

Or to my dismay, I’m not even sure what to feel anymore.

“Only a month we’ve been apart...“

It’s been a month and then some after the break up I initiated. I was the one to put an end to it, I have no right to feel anything, especially not this tiny evil sense of betrayal that’s lurking inside my chest. Thankfully it’s significantly smaller than the other emotions in there but they aren’t that great either: jealousy, dread, sorrow, utter and unbearable pain.

The need to run to them and beg for their forgiveness. Beg for them to take me back, promise that I’ve changed and that I’m no longer that same idiot who valued my own personal gain and privacy over the person who cared about me with all their heart.

“You look happier...“

But I can’t do that. Not when they look so happy with him. I can’t ruin another great thing for Y/N, they don’t deserve that. I’ve already done enough. I capsized our boat, but they thankfully swam away instead of drowning like I still am.

“Saw you walk inside a bar“

It hurts to see them walking into that bar which we frequented so much the staff memorized our schedules and orders with someone else. It hurts to see that they’re running down the same routine but with someone who isn’t me. It made me feel special, every time they took me to a place they liked and enjoyed going to. I felt like I was getting little snippets of them in all those bars, pubs and diners. It all felt so natural. So real. So lovely.

“He said something to make you laugh“

I watch through the glass at the front of the street side bar, sitting down on one of the stools by the outside tables, hoping and praying to God they don’t see me. But how could they when they’re so enchanted by this wonderful guy. He’s handsome, tall, blonde, charming, humorous, basically checks off all the boxes for anyone to fall for him. However, what bugs me most is the last one - the humor. Y/N always said that the way to their heart is for a person to get a genuine laugh out of them. That is basically their love spell. And this guy is casting a spell, alright. Without even fucking trying.

“I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours“

It may be the whole weight of this situation crippling me and turning my brain into nothing but a sad mush but I really can’t remember a time we were that happy together. I’ve never made Y/N laugh like that, I’ve never even made them smile so widely

And man, does that fucking sting. It’s insane what you realize when you see a person you thought was happy with you be actually happy with someone else.

“Yeah, you look happier, you do“

Maybe it’s for the best I flipped that boat, cut them their losses...

“Ain’t nobody hurt you like I hurt you“

After all, I was constantly hurting Y/N without realizing it. I was assuming what they wanted and what they wanted our relationship to be, never actually asking them. Maybe it’s for the best that I put an end to it...

I remember the night they finally snapped after overhearing me tell my friends that they were just a roommate when their voice was picked up by the mic as they were taking a phone call in the hall. Yes, I said they were a roommate. Not even a friend, a roommate.

What’s worse is that instead of apologizing, I gaslighted them. I told Y/N that it was for the best no one knew our relationship status for their own privacy sake. But unlike me, they know how to read a person properly and didn’t think twice about smacking me across the face with it.

“My privacy or yours, Corpse?! Or are you just embarrassed of me? Go on, you can tell me, I won’t be mad. After all, what do I have to be mad about, we’re just roommates anyway.“

“Y/N, don’t blow this out of proportion.“

“Oh, I’m blowing it out of proportion?“

“Yes! Like you do with everything, for fuck’s sake.“

“But ain’t nobody love you like I do“

God, I wish I was able to tell them. I wish I got the guts to tell them. I wish I could’ve swallowed that insane ego and pride of mine and said what I never said. The sad truth is, that Y/N will never know how much I loved them. How much I still love them and how clueless I am when it comes to showing and expressing it. They’ll never know, cause I never once said those three words to them. Not. Even. Fucking. Once.

“Promise that I will not take it personal, baby, if you’re moving on with someone new“

It hurts, it hurts so fucking much to see them sit at our table with a new potential or concrete partner, drink their usual drink, look at him the way they used to look at me. It almost feels like they know I’m watching them and they’re doing it on purpose to prove a point. But even if that were the case, they’d have every right to shove it in my face how badly I fucked up.

I deserve it.

“Cause baby you look happier, you do“

All that matters currently is how happy they look to be with him. How much they’ve changed for the better since I’ve stepped out of their life. Now that shit is worse than anything I could imagine. To see someone flourish without you, a telltale sign that you were holding them back, that’s certain to shatter your heart, at least that’s how mine works.

“My friends told me one day I’ll feel it too“

It’s ironic - I never told my friends we were dating but I did tell them about the break up. The motherfucking irony.

After the initial shock, they all agreed that what I did was pretty fucking bad but they also told me to lighten up. They were insistent on the fact that if I wasn’t the one for Y/N, then they definitely weren’t the one for me too and I should learn from the experience and leave it behind.

“I could try to smile to hide the truth“

I agreed, more to make them feel better about their generic advice that I could’ve found on a motivational post on Instagram than anything. I agreed, hoping that a placebo effect would occur and brainwash me into thinking that too.

“But I know I was happier with you“

It didn’t work, it still hasn’t worked.

I’m still so in love with Y/N just like from the moment we first got to actually talking, to the moments I saw them walking out of my apartment, their packed suitcase in hand. Walking out of my life. I never stopped being head-over-heels for them. I never stopped loving them or loved them any less. This isn’t a situation where I love them now just because I no longer have them. I never stopped loving them. I was just a self-centered idiot, afraid of the powerful feeling that were wracking my mind and soul. They still are, I’ve just come to term with them, learned that they aren’t anything to be afraid of.

What I am afraid of is that I’ve come to that realization too late. That I lost my one shot at truly being happy. I can’t imagine myself happier with anyone else besides Y/N.

“But baby you look happier, you do“

But the fact still stands that, unlike me, they have found a lot greater happiness with someone else. I’d hate myself if I ever let my selfishness ruin that for them.

“I knew that one day you’d fall for someone new“

I always knew they deserved better. Someone who wouldn’t be afraid to openly show his or her love for them. Someone who wouldn’t hesitate to kiss them in public, or hold their hand, or introduce them to their friends as their romantic partner. Someone who’d do all the things I was afraid to do.

“But if he breaks your heart like lovers do“

I definitely have no moral high ground to be saying this considering what I’ve done, but I swear on my heart and soul and everything I own that if he breaks Y/N’s heart he’ll pay a high price. Yes, that’s very hypocritical of me to say and think, but I don’t care. I’d do anything to prevent them from going through something like that again and/or punish the person who puts them in the same situation I did.

Hypocriticalness be damned.

“Just know that I’ll be waitin’ here for you“

I know I’m the last person Y/N would turn to for comfort in a break up situation or any relationship problems at that, but God knows I’d do anything to let them know I’ll always be there for them, no matter what. No matter the time of day, the problem or method of contact - I’d still find my way to them if that’s what they want.

Although I doubt they’ll ever want that again.

@maat-the-prescriptive @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @itsminniekat @hacker-ghost @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios @maehemscorpyus @loraleiix @letsloveimagines @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help @enigmaticmaze @divine-artemis @waterlilypat @idontknowwhatthisisfam @evi-ka @classyandfabulous00 @redperson58 @lilysdaydreams @solowheein @mythicalamphitrite @axen-gers @luckygirl144 @nj01 @buddyemily @the-albino-lioness @stardream14 @gdhdkfnn @nomadicgypsyy @preciousskye @fluffysuicideunicornsworld @o-kaelin @manacharlotte @awkward-youtube-trash @lolalee24 @bonky-beerns @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian @strawbrinkofdeath @teenloves @tams0527 @browneyespinkhair @starstruckllamapuppy @daisychains012 @y0ulooked @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life @jula-pauline @melodykitty @just-that-bi-girl @crazybutconfidentaf @lowellshade @alphakees @bellero @weallneednamjesus @starryhanji @boiled-onionrings @husherstan @fockingwhore @melaningoddessthings @prettypastelpetals @haleypearce @godwhyamiawkward @y-napotat @daisychainyoonmin @little-miss-rebel3 @free-wheelin-bi-sexual @redmoon261 @darkacademic2 @wiseflamingoqueen @into-the-end @namikhai-i @nastiablr @thelittleplantlover @mirktuan @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny @vintagegothlover @easygoingtheatre @itsrandombooklover @miiaivi @emmybaybee @befourgolden @jjk-is-my-shit @eternalteaaars @spacebadgerx @princesslunalight @acequinn14 @samm48 @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa @fo-love @marishimomura-blog @therealglenncoco @cinnamonbun332 @killtherandomness @sanshinexxxsan @fee-btheweeb @press-lay @cathleenpotgieter16 @jazzydoesstuff @moonlxghtbay @forestrain2000 @hyunjinhugs @blood-of-fandoms @lovellylies @ukiyolixx @simpforhpcharacters @chrisdylan17 @parkerjisung @pedernille @theodonyous @wineandionysus @malfoystilinskii05 @morbid-x @coryisagee @jessewa26 @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365 @raeanneinwonderland @indecisive-empanada @gluttonypalace @loriane2503 @btsiguess-kpop @khaoticbunny @lucidlycactus @smiithys @rottenroyalebooks @kpopgirlbtssvt @fangirl-tc27 @fr0z3n-1 @notmesimpingfortechno @shotarosleftpinky @kunoi-chan @idk-whats-wrong-with-me @yikeroonie @goldenstarofthunderclan @poetry-and-tea @ama-do-writing-stuff @wishbonewolf @emeraldxhope @t0xick1tty @kusuinko @speakyourselfloveyourself @sophia902103 @lo-manburg @classsykittykat @dmgama @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee @btsiguess-kpop @akaashi-baby @gun-jong-simp @geschichtenfee @yerapotato-wp @browneyedgirl365 @thysagclub @sparklycloudnight @helloatomicshadow @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal @lucy-bunny17 @aaliyahh0 @katluckybear @boyleanti @straybids @franchesca-791 @cosmicstorm19 @averyisbackinthetrashcan @aomi-nabi @xlanawriter @allensimpsforcorpse @sunnyrae-cessh @ladykxxx08 @meowiemari @renupf @booklover76 @sra-verissimo @beatrhizn @blueberrystigma @beatrhizn @chicken-taco-burrito @scorpio-echo @nyctophiliiiiaaa @squirreljoe @azra-x @ace-of-spaids2 @kxllanxtdoor @ateliefloresdaprimavera

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losingitinjersey · 2 years

Photo

It’s been three weeks since my last post - whoooops! Here’s an attempt at a summary of the last three weeks.

Kevin, Erp, Aug and I loaded up the car and drove the 7 hour drive to CT on Sunday, December 19th. Given the need for diaper changes and bottle feedings as well as traffic, it took us 11 hours to get there. A lovely memory is right when we got stuck in the middle of gridlock traffic on the George Washington Bridge at 6 p.m. was when Aug decided to wake up from a nap screaming bloody murder for the next hour as we sludged through the unnecessary traffic jam. So great!

We spent the week with my sister’s family (five kids!) and my parents flew out from California to be there with us all and we had the most amazing time together! Everyone but my girls were vaccinated and boosted so we felt relatively safe (as one can feel during a pandemic) but it was sosososososo amazing to see the cousins play together for the first time. Remember, Erp is two and this is her first time getting to meet them! She did SO well! Crazy how my shy little girl is no longer shy at all thanks to daycare! The youngest cousin is 5 years old so Erp was following her around and enjoying all the chaos!

Two days after we arrived at my sister’s house we got a notification that Erp’s daycare had a Covid exposure, but on a day that she wasn’t there (though, she was there the day before). Since we’d already mixed and mingled with everyone it was hard to isolate so we just continued on and thankfully everyone stayed healthy.

The drive home the day after Christmas took 12 hours and we were all so grateful to finally be out of the car and home! The original plan was that two days later I was supposed to pile up the car with the girls again to drive the four hours down to see my bff at her parents house for the week but given the Covid exposure we stayed home instead. While I desperately miss and want to see my bff, who I haven’t seen since October 2019 for my baby shower, I did not mind not having to get back in the car.

Not going actually ended up being the best thing since starting Tuesday Saki’s health has shown signs of decline. My 15 year old, grumpy, best friend forever, fur baby cat has about one episode a day now where he’ll be off-balanced then stop and sit while meowing painfully. He also hasn’t been eating, drinking, or using the litterbox normally. I had a virtual vet visit on Wednesday, December 29th (his worst day yet) just to talk to a professional about what to do. Since I wouldn’t have childcare until Sunday, January 2nd (when all vet clinics are closed), I wanted advice on how serious/immediate this was. Per his advice, I ended up calling around until I was able to get a vet appointment for that Friday. I took him in (along with my two kids since daycare was still closed from the exposure) only to find out that Saki was too aggressive/angry/threatening for them to be able to do any form of examination on him. So they sent me home with oral sedatives and rescheduled us for a return visit on January 11th. Basically forever away. I straight up asked the receptionist that since the appointment is so far away that means they think he’ll last that long??? She replied that if he gets worse to call them and they’ll see about squeezing him in. Sheesh. Thankfully, Saki seems to be acting mostly normal and I’m getting in all the cuddles and love while I can. Every day I’m cherishing the moments I get with him knowing that the end is most likely very soon. Or maybe not! Maybe he just has an infection or something and he’ll be with us for another 5+ years?! He’s an indoor cat so I’m hoping that buys us more time. Whatever happens, he knows how loved he is. He knows he’s my world. And I am so grateful for his presence in my life.

So, all in all, things here are good. You know, other than navigating the world with small unvaccinated children during a pandemic while also sending one to a cesspool daycare that continues to shut down at the drop of a hat (or flurry of snow) while also working full time, but also being the only parent because your husband is busy working and gone all day every day and yet you never get a day off and are still managing everyone and everything on very little sleep while also grieving the soon to be loss of your 15 year old best friend who’s been around for everything. That’s all :)

#please don't reblog #erp just turned two!#aug is four months old #check out aug's first two teeth!#diet starts tomorrow

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fourdaysofrain · 4 years

Text

Self-Made Man

Summary: A Trans!Tony Stark AU.

(Lengthy, personal author’s note below the cut, if you’re interested.)

Natasha Marie Stark was born twelve minutes before midnight on May 29th, 1970. She weighed a healthy seven pounds and two ounces when she arrived. She was the most beautiful thing that either of her parents had ever seen. And she was screaming loud enough to scare the pigeons from the trees outside.

Read on AO3

Well, hey everyone. It’s been a handful of months since I’ve been on here. I want to apologize for being gone, but that feels kind of phony. I don’t know. I missed this, though. I can tell you that much. I still checked my notifications every once in a while. It made me really glad to see people still commenting on my fics or passing my links around. Love y’all.

I guess it’s about time that I tell you that I’m trans. I have been this whole time. To answer a few quick questions, I first knew sometime in late high school, but it was always kind of in the background my whole life, I just didn’t know how to isolate the feeling. I started socially transitioning (i.e. dressing male, coming out, going by he/him) after my high school graduation, and I started HRT (Horomone replacement therapy, that means I inject myself with testosterone weekly. .33mL subcutaneously into my tummy, if you’re curious) on Oct. 12, 2018. So it’s been almost two years since, and I’ve been completely passing as a man for quite a while. Ass-crack hair, sweat, and all.

This is a pretty personal fic for me, given the nature of it. I’ve wanted to write it for a long time, and I’ve actually had words in the Google Doc since January. It took a lot of long nights to write. It helped that I was back home. I always have an easier time tapping into Trans Emotions when I’m in my home town, for better or for worse. All the memories and relationships I formed pre-transition follow me like ghosts.

I’m leaving for college in two days, conversationally.

I see a lot of trans!Peter Parker fics. I’m not dissing them, I love them to bits. But it makes me wonder why fandom is so quick to headcanon Peter as trans instead of one of the other characters. He’s petite, has a higher voice, and has softer features than the other male cast members. I feel like those attributes definitely play a role. It can be easy to see trans men as “uwu soft bois”, or as Men Lite, or as a more palatable version of “normal” (that is to say, cis) men. Those ideas are often flawed and based on transphobic foundations. The reality is, trans men (and by extension, all trans people) have the ability to be indiscernible from their cis counterparts. Everyone likes to think they can pick trans people out from a crowd, but you’d be surprised how quickly I started being read as male. Androcentrism for the win, I guess.

I won’t be entirely pessimistic. I understand that people my age project onto Peter (I am by no means exempt from that), and that there’s a greater number of young trans people than old, due to a series of depressing reasons. But I still wanted to try a different take on a trans character.

My experience as a trans man is vastly different than the one I write about here. If anything, I’m closer to fandom’s idea of trans!Peter. My parents were accepting, I had the financial and social means to transition relatively early, and I can fly under the radar easily. The most important difference is the time period.

I don’t know a lot about the trans experience of the 80s and 90s, which is what Tony would have gone through. I know of one single trans man who began his transition back then, one of the gender studies professors at my university. Even then, he’s from Canada, which I’m assuming has an entirely different culture around trans lives. There aren’t many older trans men. It’s depressing. There’s a lot of reasons for this. I don’t want to get too deep into them, because it only makes me feel sad. The final scene in this fic is extremely self-indulgent with regards to this. I wrote what I needed to hear.

That’s not to say I don’t relate at all to what I wrote. There are themes that are almost universal for the trans experience. I hope you can parse those out here.

I also wanted to talk about how I showed the change from “Natasha” to Tony. In the early stages of this fic’s development, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to openly say Tony’s deadname (the name trans people are given at birth, and often, but not 100% of the time, change as a part of their transition), but I soon realized that it would make the story much clearer with the inclusion of it. If you’re wondering, I got the name from Earth-3490, where Tony is born a woman (and marries Steve, lol). I chose to show the change between the two with the use of past tense for the first half of the fic, and switching to present for Tony’s life. Often times, it feels like that when you transition. You start living in present tense.

I also want to make it clear that transitioning isn’t as simple as shown here. From the beginning of mapping out this fic, I was stressed about “Oh, how will he be able to graduate as Tony if he doesn’t start transitioning until after he gets to college,” and “How will Howard react to him coming out?” and “How will he have a playboy persona if he isn’t able to have sex with someone without them knowing?” and a zillion other ideas. It was very freeing for me to let go of some of these obstacles and leave it up to the reader to decide. I alluded to some of the solutions that I came up with, but for the most part, I glossed over the paperwork and bureaucracy aspect to transitioning. But in real life, there are countless red tapes you have to cut for even the simplest of actions. I went to the state court to change my name and sex in March of 2019, and I still have cards in my wallet with my deadname. I had a consult with a plastic surgeon for top surgery (the colloquial name for the double mastectomy that trans men often go through to masculinize their chests. If you’re wondering, genital reconstruction surgery is normally called bottom surgery to mirror this) last December, and I still don’t have a date set. It took me a few months to start T, and I only got it so easily because I went through my unviersity, which does informed consent. Some places have to have proof of 6 months of social transitioning and a letter from a therapist. There is a lot of medical gate keeping in the trans community. I don’t know what I would have done had my parents not been accepting enough to help me through the processes. I am extremely thankful for their support.

But it’s a lot easier to write about transition happening smoothly. Money helps, which I don’t touch on a lot in this fic, but oh my God, does money help. I’m lucky enough to be able to afford my ~$20 a month T prescription (which I will be taking until the end of my days, likely), and I’m in the process of saving for top surgery. Thankfully with Tony, I can just presto most of the problems away because he’s canonically a billionaire. Eat the rich, folks.

There’s also the intersection with race that is very impactful for trans people, as it is for everyone. Both Tony and I are white, which gives us societal privileges that trans people of color don’t have access to. As well as the fact that transitioning from female to male is a much different experience than transitioning from male to female. We don’t experience trans misogyny, which is a special kind of misogyny specifically related to trans women. (Think of old sitcoms where the joke is that it’s a man dressed in women’s clothing, and that’s what makes it funny. That’s a fairly tame example of trans misogyny. It gets ugly fast.)

I’m veering dangerously off-topic, but it’s important to talk about. It’s easy for white trans people (and LGBT people as a whole, I suppose) to distance themselves from talking about white privilege or male privilege because they aren’t straight and/or cis. But it’s important to recognize that while we may face unique oppression, we also still benefit from historical white supremacist and patriarchal structures present today in society.

Sorry, not sorry for getting political. And if I haven’t said it on here, Black lives matter. Of course.

If you end up having trans-related questions, I want to be a resource for you. Seriously, I’m narcissistic and love talking about myself I don’t mind helping you understand the trans experience. I can’t promise that I know everything, but I also have my own group of trans friends who might know what I don’t, and we can learn together.

Again, love y’all. Thank you for the continued support you give me. I can’t promise that I’ll go back to my normal level of activity on here, but I might dip my feet back in the pool. <3

#irondad #iron dad #spider-man #iron man #trans #ftm #art speaks #art writes #read under the cut if you want to know my Emotions and Feelings

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all-things-skam · 4 years

Text

Jens’ season: chapter nine

Saturday, February 29th

Feeling the bed shift next to him, a smile broke out on Jens' face as he remembered last night's events. His plans had completely shifted and he couldn't be more happy - sorry, Robbe.

His heart began to swell, filled with endless happiness. He had thought Lucas was asleep when he confessed his feelings to him. That's why Jens allowed himself to say those three words. Given the Dutch boy's steady and slow breathing, he should've been asleep - but he wasn't -, which turned out to be a good thing. If he had been, Lucas wouldn't have reciprocated the words.

Jens felt his smile deepen. Lucas loved him back. Life couldn't be better.

At least, at 8am on a Saturday.

Lucas woke up not long after Jens, both still sleepy but also needy. He nuzzled his face into Jens' neck and along his shoulder, fighting sleep. That boy was really cuddly in the morning. Not that Jens minded.

Jens wished all his mornings would be like this. Warm, lazy and filled with kisses from the prettiest boy. It was as close to a perfect morning as it could get.

Lucas bit Jens' bottom lip and let it go with a 'pop'. ''Do we have any plans for today? Or are we staying in bed all day? Not that I'd mind.''

''We?''

The brunet hummed, blue irises looking up at Jens. ''I told you. It's my mom's weekend. I don't need to go home. I can stay here instead.''

A content smile formed on Jens' lips. ''I'd like that very much.''

Now that Jens had come out to the boys, he could officially introduce Lucas to them, but staying home and keeping Lucas for himself sounded better. Much better.

He leaned down to join their lips together, one of his hands sliding under the blanket and down Lucas' body. His hand was about to slide inside Lucas' boxers when his bedroom door opened and Lotte walked in, forcing their little 'fun' to end before it even started.

''Lucas!'' she squealed, eyes sparkling with joy the second she saw him in her brother's bed. Lotte jumped on the bed with them, clueless about what almost happened. ''I didn't know you were here.''

Lucas forced an awkward smile, cheeks flushed from the situation.

''Does Mama know?''

''Yes.''

Lotte knitted her eyebrows, staring at her brother, trying to figure out if he was lying. ''That's a lie. If she had known, you wouldn't have been startled when I came in.''

Jens groaned. If only she knew why he was startled... ''Lotte, can you go bother someone else? It's 8am, let me go back to sleep.''

''No! Dad left for work so Mama and I are making waffles downstairs.'' She turned to Lucas. ''Are you staying for breakfast, Lucas?''

The brunet cleared his voice. ''I guess I am.''

Grinning, Lotte took Lucas' hand and tugged, trying to drag him out of bed, but the curly haired one stayed under the covers, very aware that he was only wearing underwear. No matter how much he loved Jens' mom and sister, he didn't feel comfortable enough to be walking around like that in front of Jens' family.

''Why don't you go and make sure Mom doesn't burn the pancakes? We'll join you in a minute.''

Sunday, March 1st

Spending the weekend at Jens' made room for a lot of awkward situations.

Yesterday, Lucas almost stumbled into Jens' dad when exiting the bathroom after his shower. Is there any better way to be introduced to someone? Lucas wanted to be swallowed by the ground. Then, he got caught mid-changing by Lotte. Thankfully, his pants were still on.

Their making out session had been cut short this morning when Jens' mom walked in, catching them kissing in Jens' bed. Fenna didn't say anything, both boys being still fully clothed. She just deposited the pile of clean clothes and left, leaving the door wide open instead of just ajar. Message received.

Later in the afternoon, Jens decided to leave the house to get some fresh air - aka freedom.

While he was grateful that his parents agreed to have Lucas spending the weekend over - and sleeping in his bed -, he was tired of his family breathing down his neck or constantly being interrupted by his sister. They couldn't even sleep in or have some morning cuddles without Lotte coming in and jumping on the bed. Jens really needed to learn to lock the door.

It was cloudy and gray outside - a bit cold too -, but Jens wanted some time alone with Lucas. Can you blame him?

Spoon still in his mouth, Lucas hummed, eyes closed. ''This cake.''

''It's good, uh?''

The brunet nodded avidly, cutting another piece of his cake with his spoon. ''You, Belgians know how to make desserts.''

Jens shook his head, smiling. ''You and your sweet tooth...''

As if a cake wasn't sweet enough, Lucas had ordered the sweetest one on the menu: a chocolate mousse cake. Even though Luc had told Jens how much he loved chocolate, he didn't realize until now exactly how big of a sweet tooth he really had.

Jens watched the thick, yet smooth chocolate mousse disappear into the brunet's mouth. He cleared his throat and averted his eyes, reminding himself where they were. He tried to keep his mind from wandering to a dangerous place, but it wasn't easy. It seemed, sometimes, like Lucas made every minor actions somewhat suggestive, and he knew exactly the effect it would have on Jens.

''Want a taste?'' Lucas asked, raising an eyebrow.

Turning his attention back to him, Jens nodded. Why not? He wasn't a big fan of desserts, but the chocolate mousse seemed really tasty. He opened his mouth, ready to taste the sweet desert, but Lucas put the spoon in his own mouth, making Jens frown and pout.

''Hey! That was for me.''

Lucas shrugged. ''Sorry, but this cake is just too good to share.''

''Tease''

Smiling smugly, Lucas blew him a kiss over the table before returning to his plate.

Jens pulled up his phone, snapped a picture of Lucas - he was just too cute to not capture this moment - when a notification from the selling app popped up. ''Yes!''

Lucas glanced at his boyfriend, confused.

''Someone is interested in something I'm selling,'' Jens explained.

''What are you selling?''

''Oh, just games I don't play anymore.'' He shrugged. ''They were collecting dust.''

It wasn't a huge sale. Only some game at 7€, but, it was 7€ less to find to pay back the drugs Lucas had flushed.

Lucas frowned, taking a sip of his fancy coffee. ''Why are you selling your video games online? Can't you go to a game store for that? Jayden does it all the time.''

''Yeah, but they only offer discounts on other games. I need money.''

''What for?''

Jens sighed. He didn't want to involve Lucas any more in his problems, but he already knew about the drugs, so why not. ''Remember when you saved my ass and got rid of the drugs in my locker? Well, my dealer texted me and he wants his money. I have some cash from the weed I sold and other stuff, but what has been flushed needs to be paid too. I can't just tell him I almost got caught and had to get rid of them.''

''I can help. It's partly my fault that you have to repay him.''

Jens shook his head. ''No. It's my fault that I'm caught in this shit.''

''And, it's my fault that they're in the sewers somewhere in Antwerp.'' Lucas paused. ''We could always try to retrieve them...''

Jens wrinkled his nose in disgust. The pills had probably all dissolved by now anyway. ''Ew, gross.''

''So, are you taking my offer?'' Jens hesitated and Lucas smiled at him. ''You can pay me back if you want to. In cash or...other,'' he added, winking over the table.

''I'll think about it.''

Monday, March 2nd

''What the fuck, man? Why did you shoot me?''Jens asked through the headphone's mic as his character received a bullet to the chest.

''Sorry, I thought it was Aaron.''

Jens laughed, looking around on his TV screen to find Aaron and shoot him, laughing harder as he did so.

''Hey! Why is everyone trying to kill me?''

''Because it's fun,'' Moyo responded.

paused his video game when he saw Michiel's name on the screen. He bit his lip anxiously before opening the message.

Michiel: Where's my cash, kid? Ghosting me won't work. I need it by Thursday. Or else...

Jens stared at the screen for what felt like a lifetime. Michiel was now threatening him. Jens had to do something quick or he was going to be in real danger. Who knew what Michiel - or his men - were capable of? He couldn't tell Lucas why he had suddenly changed his mind and he felt bad for asking his boyfriend for money - Lucas wasn't his personal banker -, but he needed the money sooner rather than later.

Jens: Is your offer still standing? I don't think I'll sell enough shit by Thursday

Lucas: I told you I'd help, didn't I?

Lucas: When do you need it for?

Jens: Thursday

Lucas: Want me to come with?

Jens: No. I'll be fine

Lucas: Is that supposed to be reassuring?

Jens: I'll be fine, Luc

Lucas: Okay... but I want you to text me when you get there and when you leave just so I know you are safe

Jens: 👍

Wednesday, March 4th

The television was playing loudly when Fenna returned from work, some sort of anime on the big screen. She furrowed her eyebrows at the unfamiliar characters, her heart aching at the explicit content flashing across the screen. How can teenagers watch that?

''Sorry for finishing so late. There was a big car accident and I had to do extra time to help,'' she explained, removing her jacket and setting her bag down. ''Did Lotte eat already?''

''No, I let her starve,'' the teenager answered from the couch.

Fenna gave her son a look. ''Jens...''

He flashed his mother a smile. ''I'm joking. I reheated last night's leftovers.''

''Good. Where's is she?''

''Upstairs playing in her room. Want me to tell her to come down?''

Before he could call Lotte down, Fenna shook her head. ''No. That's good, actually. I wanted to talk to you.''

Jens frowned, trying to read his mother's face but failing. She came around to sit on the couch and he turned down the volume of the television.

''You...you were right. About your father. He lied to my face about this job, he lied to all of us.'' Fenna closed her eyes, her husband's lie still fresh.

She had gone to see Mohamed on her lunch break between shifts since the hospital wasn't far from his new office - and he wasn't answering his phone. When Fenna got there, she asked to see him and was told that he didn't work there and never had.

''After a lot of difficult thinking, I made a decision and I wanted you to be the first to know about it. Your father and I will be separating.''

''As in a divorce?''

Fenna nodded slowly. She didn't want to get a divorce - nobody does. Divorce felt like a failure to a lot of people. But, it was the right choice to make. ''I still love your father, but sometimes love isn't enough. Money might not buy happiness, but without money, we can't live in this house.''

''We?'' Jens repeated. ''That means we're going to...move?''

Exhaling a breath, Fenna nodded sadly. ''I didn't want to. I did everything in my power to stay here, but I can't afford this house on my own.''

Jens swallowed thickly, a wave of sadness flowing in. He wasn't one to get attached to things, but loved this house. He spent his whole life here. Every corner and walls held a memory. The staircase where he broke his arm when he fell with his bike when he was five, the dining room table where him and his mom used to sit and work on his spelling homework, his bedroom where he had his first makeout session and the place he lost his virginity.

''What about Dad?''

He didn't want to be insensitive, but where will his father go? Clearly, he won't be following them after the divorce.

''His brother lives in Liège, he'll be staying with him for a moment. Or, so he said.''

Jens nodded. Maybe a change of scenery will be good for him. Maybe it'll help him get back on track.

Thursday, March 5th

His hands were clammy as he crossed the street, seeing Michiel's building in his line of sight. After his parents' divorce announcement, Jens wasn't in the mood to meet with Michiel, but he didn't really have the choice. Michiel had been clear: he wanted his money. He didn't care whatever was happening in Jens' personal life.

All the money was in his left pocket, feeling heavy, and a worried Lucas was in the other, sending him texts every ten seconds.

Jens stood on the doorstep and rang the doorbell, stress growing in his stomach. He bit his lip as he waited, going still when the door opened and the same big guy who was there the first time stood there.

''Long time no see,'' he pointed out.

''Is Michiel here? I have his money.''

The man nodded and let Jens in, the door shutting loudly behind.

''So, it's over? No more drug dealing shit?''

Jens hummed. ''It's over.'' He kissed Lucas in the middle. ''No more drug dealing shit.''

Lucas rolled his eyes at the small mockery. ''Good.'' He sighed, relieved.

After leaving Michiel's, Jens came over to Lucas' to reassure him and take advantage of Mr. Van Der Heijden being at work. They hadn't had a lot of alone time during the weekend despite Lucas sleeping over, so it was nice to be just the two of them again.

Lucas led them to the couch and cuddled against Jens, being the cuddle-bear he will never admit to be. Some things were just for Jens and him to know.

''I could fall asleep right here and now,'' Lucas pointed, closing his eyes as Jens played with his curls, twirling the soft ringlets between his fingers.

''Am I that much of a bore? Because I can go home if-''

Clutching a fistful of Jens' hoodie, Lucas made a protest noise. ''Don't you dare.''

Jens laughed and kissed his forehead, feeling Lucas pulling him in closer. He was keenly aware of Lucas' wants and needs and cuddling was Lucas' unspoken signal of reassurance that he would always be there for him.

''So, now that you've met my family, when am I going to meet yours?'' Jens asked, mildly teasing, breaking the comfortable silence first.

Lucas grew quiet, staring down at the carpet in front of the couch, the shades of browns and greys suddenly very interesting.

''Do you...not want me to meet your parents or something?'' Jens asked, silently hoping it wasn't that.

The brunet sat up, removing himself from Jens' hold. ''No, no. That not- It's just, I've never introduced someone to my parents...like that.''

''You mean a guy?''

''No girls either, if it reassures you,'' Lucas added with a bit of humor.

''You've told your mom about me, though?''

''Yes, but it's complicated. With my mom, we can't just schedule a date and have dinner all together. She might get anxious or she can- So many things can go wrong.''

''Or it could go well.''

Lucas sighed, moving away from his boyfriend's touch. ''Jens...''

''And, your dad?''

‘’My dad’s a dick. I only moved with him because the judge said I had to. It was that or going to a foster family. My dad might be a dick, but he’s not the worst. There’s kids out there that need fostering more than me, some who are stuck in abusive families or even orphans. I would’ve felt bad for taking someone’s place. Entering the foster system would’ve also meant not seeing my mom anymore and I can’t renounce to that.’’ Lucas paused, swallowing his emotions. ‘’She needs me. I’m all she has left. I can’t do that to her.’’

By the way his voice was strained, Jens could tell that it was still a difficult subject. Lucas was close to his mother. Hearing his story made Jens wonder how bad her mental illness was. If a judge had declared her inapte to take care of him, it must be serious. It was also so sad to hear that her husband had completely pushed her out of his life just because of her mental illness. She was lucky to have a son like Lucas.

As much as he wanted to meet Lucas’ parents, it wasn’t worth putting Lucas - nor his parents - in this state. Causing trouble in his boyfriend’s family wasn’t what Jens wanted.

He shook his head. ‘’Forget what I said, okay? I’ll meet them when you’re ready. No pressure.’’ He flashed Lucas a small smile which got reciprocated.

Lucas nodded, grateful to have someone as understanding as Jens. ‘’I love you.’’

‘’I love you,’’ Jens repeated, pulling the smaller one back into his hold.

Friday, March 6th

‘’Is Lucas coming?’’ Aaron asked, leaning against the kitchen counter.

Jens nodded, taking a sip of his beer. ‘’He said he’s on his way.’’

An eager smile spread on Aaron’s lips. ‘’So, I’m gonna meet him?’’ he added, unable to contain his excitement.

‘’You’ve met Lucas before...’’

‘’Yeah, but not as your boyfriend. This is a big deal-’’

‘’Aaron…’’

He shrugged. ‘’What? I didn't say it the other day, but I’m happy for you. I liked Jana, but Lucas is much cooler. At least he skates with us instead of sitting and watching.’’

Jens raised an eyebrow. ‘’Cooler than Sander?’’

‘’Don’t push.’’

After Robbe, Aaron was Sander’s biggest fan. He was never shy to voice how much admiration he had for him whether it was his flirting tactics, his confidence, romantic gestures or how good looking he was. It even became a running joke in the gang that if Sander wasn't already taken by Robbe, the curly haired one would tempt his chance.

‘’Your boy is here,’’ Aaron pointed out, nudging Jens as he saw Lucas walking in.

Jens looked up, watching as Lucas squeezed a path between the dancing girls in the living room and some shotgun drinkers. He grimaced at the mess it was making on the floor and scanned the room, trying to find his boyfriend, fastening his pace when he spotted him and Aaron in the kitchen.

Jens greeted him with a kiss, getting some cooing from Aaron. Could he be more annoying? Lucas leaned into Jens as the latter hooked an arm over his shoulder, pulling him close.

‘’So, you’re Jens’ boyfriend?’’

Jens rolled his eyes and groaned. ‘’Let’s go look for Moyo and Robbe.’’

They all sat in the bathroom, passing around weed and booze, like the old days. Moyo had brought some weed and smoke was rapidly filling the bathroom as they all blew their thick, grey puffs into the air.

It was the first time they all hung out together - Lucas and Sander included. Jens and Lucas squeezed in next to Robbe and Sander in the tub, laughing as Aaron vented about his latest romantic gesture that turned into an epic fail. Honestly, when does it not?

''I had the room all set up and everything,’’ he explained. ‘’Candles, flower petals, her favorite scented bath stuff, but then her mom came home and ruined my surprise before we could even get in the water. I tried telling Amber that we can still go in, but she said it was too weird if her mom was in the house.’’

Amber’s bathtub. Lucas shared glances with Jens, memories of their first kiss flowing in.

Sander sighed. ‘’Robbe’s the same, he won’t-’’

Knowing where this was going, Robbe didn’t let Sander finish his sentence, covering his mouth with his hand before he could say any more, refusing to let this turn into another let’s tell Aaron about our sex-life episode.

‘’Why did you stop? It was getting interesting,’’ Aaron complained.

‘’Quit encouraging Sander into telling you stuff. It’s private.’’

‘’And weird,’’ Jens added, backing his best friend.

‘’You’re the one who used to brag about sex-’’

Jens rolled his eyes. ‘’I don't brag…’’

He did tell everyone about losing his virginity and the sex he had with Jana - what else does fifteen years old do? And, he ranted about that toothpaste tip...a lot, but he wasn’t on Aaron’s level of bragging.

‘’Well, if you really want to know, there’s this amazing thing Jens does with his-’’ Lucas stopped himself, a smug grin on his lips. ‘’Did you really think I was going to tell you?’’

‘’I like him,’’ Moyo commented, giving Lucas a high five.

The gesture didn’t go unnoticed by Jens. It was nice to see that Lucas was integrating well into their group.

“So, since we have two new guys in the group, maybe we should get to know you both better?” Aaron suggested, waiting for his turn to take a puff.

“Dude, why do you always have to be in everyone's business?” Moyo asked.

''Don’t you know Sander enough already? You've pestered him with questions ever since Robbe said they were dating,’’ Jens said, making Robbe laugh.

Lucas felt his phone buzz and reached into his pocket to see who it was. Noting the number, he silenced the call and put his phone back in his pocket, returning his attention to the boys.

Aaron shrugged. “I’m just trying to get to know my best friends' boyfriends. If they are important to them, I want to get to know them better and let them know we care enough to get to know them.”

Sander snorted. “How profound and thoughtful of you, Aaron. I feel much more appreciated.”

Robbe laughed as Jens grabbed the joint from Moyo and took a hit. He had hesitated at first, remembering recent events, but figured that weed was a better coping method than Xanax. And, he wasn’t going to let himself get so high. Just a couple puffs to have a nice buzz.

He was about to hand it to Lucas when his phone went off - again. Sighing, Lucas pulled it out of his jacket and frowned.

‘’Gotta take this. It’s the third time he’s called, it must be important. I’ll be right back.’’

Jens nodded and watched as Lucas rose to his feet, leaving Jens’ side and headed outside to answer the phone call in a more quiet place.

The second the door closed, Sander whistled. ‘’I didn’t believe Robbe when he told me you two got together. Does he still steal your fries?’’

Rolling his eyes, Jens shook his head.

Minutes later, the door opened and Lucas’ face was worried and distraught, his previous lightness and drunken happiness completely gone.

Jens furrowed his eyebrows. ‘’Luc?’’ He sat up, recognizing a frantic and panicked behavior.

‘’I-I gotta go,’’ he simply said, ignoring Jens’ question and grabbing his jacket on the edge of the tub before leaving again, not saying ‘bye’ to anyone.

The boys watched confusedly and gave Jens a look, but the latter wasn’t paying attention to them, his eyes focused solely on Lucas. Jens stood, handing the joint back to Robbe, and went after his boyfriend, wondering what he had been told on the phone that made him want to leave the party so fast.

He didn't catch up to him until they were outside, the amount of people inside the house made it difficult to get a hold of Lucas. The evening wind hit his face the second he stepped out, sending a shiver down Jens’ back. He grabbed Lucas’ arm when he was close enough to reach and made him stop.

‘’Slow down, Luc. Why are you leaving?'' he asked, releasing his arm.

Lucas turned around, eyes filled with tears but he fought them. ''My dad. He said-'' He interrupted himself, shaking his head, voice trembling and faulty as he spoke.

Jens frowned, going immediately into comforting mode. Something was up, but the Dutch boy was talking so fast and the panic in his voice made it more difficult for Jens to understand what he was saying.

He lifted Lucas' chin, catching sight of his glassy blue eyes. ''Hey...tell me what’s going on. I can’t help you or understand if you don’t tell me.’’

‘’My mom. It’s- She’s going to be admitted to a clinic, I… I have to go.’’

#van der stoffels #jens's season #jens stoffels #lucas van der heijden #wtfock #vds #skam nl #jens x lucas #lucas x jens

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alwaysmarilynmonroe · 4 years

Text

Firstly, I want to apologize in advance for any insensitivity or inaccuracies in this post. I cannot pretend I am as educated as I would like to be, but I am extremely passionate in learning about others and using my privilege for good.

Since the horrific murder of African American, George Floyd on May 25th 2020, rightful outrage has broken out worldwide over the injustice and disgraceful blatant racism that is still going on in 2020. Fifty seven years since Martin Luther King Jr. spoke his, “I Have A Dream” speech during the March On Washington For Jobs And Freedom on August 28th 1963. Fifty one years since Marsha P. Johnson, a Black Trans Woman, Sylvia Rivera, a Latina American Transgender Activist, Raymond Castro, a Latino gay man, Miss Major Griffin – Gracy, a Black Trans woman and Storm Delaverie, a Mixed Raced lesbian, fought during the Stonewall Riots on June 28th 1969. Which begs the question, why is it half a century later so many Black Lives are being taken mercilessly each day?

With June being the month of PRIDE and as I am hugely passionate about LGBTQ+ Rights, I feel it is important to note that the first riot protesting was led by Black Trans Women and Gay Men. I must mention that Black Trans Women have an average life span of 35 YEARS – just let that sink in for a moment.

We are all the same, we are all human, nobody is born racist. It is so wonderful to have so many colours and cultures within our world and yet a huge number of people are hurting this. Without variety we would not be able to educate one another and learn about each others history.

For the people that are posting about how, “All Lives Matter” I can’t emphasize enough how frustrating this is. No one is saying that white people don’t matter, the injustice is not harming white people, there is no racial prejudice and harm coming to myself because of the colour of my skin. Yes, every single person in the world suffers and has hard times, but BAME are the only ones being persecuted because of their skin. The “Black Lives Matter” movement is bringing awareness to the dangers so many people suffer every single day, living in fear doing the most mundane things that we so often take for granted. It is worth noting that white people will never understand this pain and fear, but we can understand the suffering so many people of colour go through and try and prevent it from continuing. I have started a thread on my Twitter, to share each petition I have signed, hoping that others will take a few minutes to do the same – it is the least we can do.

I’m also going to share each of the petitions in this post, with information about the victims who have suffered such pain. People may have seen the murder of George Floyd and think this is the first of it’s kind and tragically, it is not. Police brutality is extremely real and not only is it happening in the USA, it is happening in the UK too. Inquest, have stated there have been 1741 DEATHS in police custody or otherwise following contact with the police in England and Wales since 1990, with 14% and 183 of them being of BAME . In 2019, mappingpolicebrutality states there were only 27 DAYS IN 2019 where police did not kill someone, 24% of the victims were black, despite being 13% of the population and in 99% of the killings NO ONE HAS BEEN CHARGED.

I simply must take the time to thank the amazing Nico, who runs blacklivesmatters, because of you I have been able to educate myself and sign petitions on incredible people, that I admittedly had no idea existed. Thanks to thehindu website, I have learnt that between 2013 – 2019, 42 PER MILLION populations of African Americans were killed in police shootings – the highest among races, with statistics showing they are THREE TIMES more likely to be murdered than white people. Furthermore, over 17% of African American victims were UNARMED.

Here are a few of the many lives which have been lost and families which have been destroyed. It is important to remember these victims and share their stories. I’m ashamed to say that I had only heard about one of the stories that I am posting, which goes to show how many are ignored, and never spoken about. This is not acceptable, no one deserves such inhumanity and suffering. I am aware that these facts are hard to read and may be triggering to some, which I do apologize for, not because they have to be read, but because they ever happened in the first place. It is our responsibility to educate ourselves and not turn a blind eye to the injustices and tragedies which is happening daily in our world.

Marsha P. Johnson (left) and Sylvia Rivera (right) at the Christopher Street Liberation Day Gay Pride Parade photographed by Leonard Fink on June 24th 1973.

Black Trans American Gay Rights Activist, Marsha P. Johsnon.

Derek Charles Livingston walks in the Million Man March in Washington DC by Roderick Terry on October 16th 1995.

Black Lives Matter Artwork by @Beccallen_design

I can’t find any information on the people, protest or photographer, if anyone knows please contact me!

______________________________________________________________________________

SAY THEIR NAMES.

TRAYVON MARTIN:

A 17 year old African American teenager, who was fatally shot in Sanford, Florida by George Zimmerman, on February 26th 2012. Trayvon was walking alone to his father’s fiancée’s house from a store and Zimmerman, a member of the community watch, saw Trayvon and reported him to the Sanford Police as suspicious. Several minutes later, there was an altercation and Zimmerman fatally shot Trayvon in the chest. Zimmerman was NOT charged at the time and when he eventually was tried, he was ACQUITTED of second-degree murder and manslaughter.

SANDRA BLAND:

A 28 year old African American woman, who was found hanged in her jail cell in Waller County, Texas, on July 13th 2015. Sandra had been pulled over for a minor traffic violation, three days earlier by State Trooper Brian Encinia, who ended up arresting her with the charge of assaulting a police officer. Part of the exchange was recorded and after authorities reviewed the footage, Encinia was placed on administrative leave for failing to follow proper traffic stop procedures. However, in December 2015, a grand jury decided AGAINST indicting the country sheriff and jail staff for any misdemeanors regarding Sandra’s tragic death. Encinia was eventually indicted for making false statements about Sandra’s arrest and was fired. However, in June 2017 the perjury charges against him were DROPPED, with the confirmation he would end his law enforcement career.

KATHRYN JOHNSTON:

A 92 year old African American woman, who was killed by undercover police in her home on Neal Street in northwest Atlanta on November 21st 2006. They broke down her door and fired 39 SHOTS at her, with five or six hitting – she fired one, which didn’t harm anyone. The officers were found to have falsified evidence, stating drugs were present in her home, which was the original cause for the raid. Jason R. Smith, Gregg Junnier, and Arthur Tesler were tried for MANSLAUGHTER and sentenced to only 10, 6 and 5 YEARS.

SEAN BELL:

A 23 year old African American man, who was killed the morning before his Wedding, on November 25th 2006. Detective Paul Headley fired one shot, officer Michael Carey fired three times, officer Marc Cooper shot FOUR TIMES, and officer Gescard Isnora shot ELEVEN TIMES and officer Michael Oliver shot 31 TIMES, reloading his gun AT LEAST once. Two of Sean’s friends, JOSEPH GUZMAN and TRENT BENEFIELD were severely wounded but thankfully survived. Isnora and Oliver were charged with first and second degree MANSLAUGHTER, whilst Cooper was charged with RECKLESS ENDANGERMENT. All three were ACQUITTED, only being fired or forced to resign from the force.

ERIC GARNER:

A 43 year old African American man, who was killed by New York police officer Daniel Pantaleo, after he was placed in a chokehold whilst being arrested on July 17th 2004. The medical examiners actually RULED HIS DEATH AS A HOMICIDE however, Pantaleo was NOT charged with murder and was only fired on August 19th 2019, MORE THAN FIVE YEARS after Eric’s death.

REKIA BOYD:

A 22 year old African American woman, who was killed by an off-duty Chicago police detective, Dante Servin, on March 21st 2012. Rekia’s friend, ANTONIA CROSS was also shot in the hand. Over a year later, in November 2013, Servin was charged with INVOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER, but was CLEARED OF ALL CHARGES, by Judge Dennis J. Porter on April 20th 2015. Servin resigned two days before his departmental hearing on May 17th 2016, FOUR YEARS after Rekia’s murder.

AMADOU DIALLO:

A 23 year old Guinean immigrant, who was murdered by four New York City plain clothed police officers, Sean Carroll, Richard Murphy, Edward McMellon, and Kenneth Boss, on February 4th 1999. They fired 41 SHOTS, of which 19 HIT AMADOU and were charged only with SECOND DEGREE MURDER – all ended up being ACQUITTED. In 2015, Boss was PROMOTED to sergeant – he had already murdered PATRICK BAILEY, a 22 year old Jamaican born American Citizen on October 31st 1997.

MICHAEL BROWN JR.:

A 18 year old African American man, who was murdered by Ferguson police officer Darren Wilson, on August 9th 2014. Michael was UNARMED with his friend, DORIAN JOHNSON and his body was left in the street for FOUR HOURS before he was removed. On August 11th, a Civil Rights Investigation was opened, but on March 4th 2015, CLEARED Wilson of any civil rights violations. He was NOT charged. On November 29th, Wilson resigned from the force, citing security concerns.

KIMANI “KIKI” GRAY:

A 16 year old African American boy, who was murdered by two plain clothed New York City police officers, Mourad Mourad and Jovaniel Cordova, on March 9th 2013. He was shot at ELEVEN TIMES, and was hit by SEVEN of them. Mourad was nominated for, “Cop Of The Year” in 2014, despite being named in THREE FEDERAL LAWSUITS FOR VIOLATING CIVIL RIGHTS along with another shooting in 2011. Both have NOT been charged.

KENNETH CHAMBERLAIN SR.:

A 68 year old African American man, who was murdered by police officer, Anthony Carelli after inadvertently triggering his LifeAid medical alert necklace. The officers broke down his door, even after Kenneth stated he did not need assistance and had asked them to leave. They stayed for one hour trying to force the door open and an officer called Stephen Hart, swore at him and called him horrific racist words. Kenneth was UNARMED, which DNA evidence has proven and was TASERED and shot at TWICE. In 2012 the case was reviewed by a grand jury and the officers were NOT charged.

TRAVARES MCGILL:

A 16 year old African American boy, who was murdered by security guards, William Patrick Swofford and Bryan Ansley, in a parking lot on July 16th 2005. Originally, the two men were NOT charged, it wasn’t until FOUR MONTHS later in November, that Swofford was charged with MANSLAUGHTER and both with SHOOTING INTO AN OCCUPIED VEHICLE. The charges later ended up being DISMISSED.

TAMIR RICE:

A 12 year old African American boy, who was SHOT TWICE in Cleveland, Ohio by police officer Timothy Loehmann, on November 22nd 2014. He was simply playing with a TOY GUN and ended up dying in hospital the next day. Loehmann was NOT CHARGED and was only fired THREE YEARS LATER in 2017, after it was revealed that he had been labelled an EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE RECRUIT and UNFIT FOR DUTY in his previous job.

AIYANA STANLEY-JONES:

A 7 year old African American girl, who was murdered by police officer, Joseph Weekley, during a house raid, on May 16th 2010. In October 2011, Weekley was charged INVOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER and RECKLESS ENDANGERMENT WITH A GUN. Weekley ended up having two mistrials and the judge actually DISMISSED the involuntary manslaughter charge in the second one. Five years later, on January 28th 2015, Weekley was CLEARED of his reckless endangerment with a gun charge, meaning the third retrial would not happen.

FREDDIE GRAY:

A 25 year old African American man, who was arrested on April 12th 2015 by lieutenant Brian W. Rice, officer Edward Nero, and officer Garrett E. Miller, after running away from them, whilst they were patrolling. Freddie was subsequently charged with having a knife in his possession, although no harm was caused and the knife was not used. Freddie was then placed in a transport van within 11 minutes of his arrest and half an hour later he was IN A COMA. He died on April 19th, a week after his arrest, with his cause of death being stated as injuries to his spinal cord. The medical examiners ruled his death a HOMICIDE, saying that his injuries had been sustained whilst being transported and that the officers FAILED TO FOLLOW SAFETY PROCEDURES. Six officers were filed with various criminal charges, including MANSLAUGHTER, ILLEGAL ARREST, RECKLESS ENDANGERMENT and SECOND DEGREE “DEPRAVED-HEART” MURDER for officer Caesar R. Goodson Jr., who was driving the van. Each officer was granted a separate trial, Porters resulted in a MISTRIAL, whilst Nero, Rice and Goodson were all ACQUITTED. Any of the various other charges were subsequently DROPPED.

SEAN RIGG

A 40 year old black man, who died following a cardiac arrest whilst in police custody, in South London, England on August 28th 2008. Sean suffered with paranoid schizophrenia and was in a vulnerable mental state, resulting in the hostel staff he lived with calling 999 FIVE TIMES over a period of THREE HOURS. They were informed by operator, Maurice Glove that Sean was NOT A POLICE PRIORITY. Response was eventually made after members of the public had observed Sean acting strangely in the street. Four police officers chased him and he was handcuffed and restrained in a face down position, being LENT ON FOR 8 MINUTES. FOUR YEARS LATER in 2012, Southwalk Coroner’s Court concluded police had used, “UNSUITABLE AND UNNECESSARY FORCE” and their failings, “MORE THAN MINIMALLY” contributed to his death. In March 2013, sergeant Paul White and officer Mark Harratt were arrested on perverting the court of justice, regarding the evidence presented at Sean’s inquest. However, in October 2014, the CPS decided NOT to charge them. Sean’s family did request a Right To Review policy and White was charged with PERJURY – ultimately, he was ACQUITTED in November 2016.

______________________________________________________________________________

PETITIONS TO SIGN:

Here are some of the petitions I have came across to support, it simply takes a few seconds of your time and every signature helps. Please also take the time to read the victims stories and share, together our voices have power and can hopefully help in moving towards a happier and healthier society.

• MINNEAPOLIS DISTRICT ATTORNEY: RAISE THE DEGREE • JUSTICE FOR GEORGE FLOYD (1) • CHARGE MINNEAPOLIS POLICE OFFICERS FOR MURDER OF GEORGE FLOYD (2) • JUSTICE FOR GEORGE FLOYD (3) • GET THE OFFICERS CHARGED: JUSTICE FOR GEORGE FLOYD (4) • SENATOR BLUMENTHAL: GEORGE FLOYD: WE NEED NATIONWIDE POLICE DE-ESCALATION (5) • JUSTICE FOR BREONNA TAYLOR (1) • JUSTICE FOR BREONNA TAYLOR (2) • JUSTICE FOR BREONNA TAYLOR (3) • JUSTICE FOR BREONNA TAYLOR (4) • JUSTICE FOR BREONNA TAYLOR (5) • DISBARMENT OF GEORGE E. BARNHILL • JUSTICE FOR AHMUAD ARBERY (1) • DISTRICT ATTORNEY TOM DURDEN: JUSTICE FOR AHMAUD ARBERY (2) • GOVERNOR BRIAN KEMP: JUSTICE FOR AHMAUD ARBERY (3) • DEFUND MPD • MANDATORY LIFE SENTENCE FOR POLICE BRUTALITY • JUSTICE FOR REGIS KORCHINSKI-PAQUET • JUSTICE FOR TONY MCDADE (1) • JUSTICE FOR TONY MCDADE (2) • JUSTICE FOR TONY MCDADE (3) • JUSTICE FOR JOAO PEDRO • SAVE INNOCENT JULIUS JONES FROM DEATH ROW • JUSTICE FOR BELLY MUJINGA • GOVERNOR KAY IVEY: FREE WILLIE SIMMONS • HANDS UP ACT • NATIONAL ACTION AGAINST POLICE BRUTALITY AND MURDER • ILLINOIS GOVERNOR: CORRECT WRONGFUL CONVICTION OF KYJUANZI HARRIS • JUSTICE FOR ALEJANDRO VARGAS MARTINEZ • CENSORSHIP OF POLICE BRUTALITY IN FRANCE • JUSTICE FOR SEAN REED • MAYOR JOE HOGSETT: JUSTICE FOR SEAN REED • JUSTICE FOR KENDRICK JOHNSON • JUSTICE FOR TAMIR RICE (1) • JUSTICE FOR TAMIR RICE (2) • FIRE RACIST CRIMINAL FROM THE NYPD • JUSTICE FOR JAMEE JOHNSON • JUSTICE FOR DARIUS STEWART (1) • JUSTICE FOR DARIUS STEWART (2) • ABOLISH PRISON LABOR • FREE SIYANDA MNGAZA • JUSTICE FOR CHRYSTUL KIZER (1) • JUSTICE FOR CHRYSTUL KIZER (2) • JUSTICE FOR ANDILE “BOBO” MCHUNU • FREE ERIC RIDDICK • JUSTICE FOR AMIYA BRAXTON • JUSTICE FOR EMERALD BLACK • JUSTICE FOR ELIJAH NICHOLS • JUSTICE FOR ZINEDINE KARABO GIOIA • RETRIAL FOR WRONGFUL CONVICTION OF ANGEL BUMPASS • SCOTLAND POLICE: INVESTIGATE THE DEATH OF SHEKU BAYOH IN POLICE CUSTODY • JUSTICE FOR JENNIFER JEFFLEY • FREE ALBERT WILSON • MADISON SOUTHERN HIGH SCHOOL: JUSTICE FOR MACIE • JUSTICE FOR AMARI BOONE • JUSTICE FOR CRYSTAL MASON • JUSTICE FOR RASHAD CUNNINGHAM • GOODWOOD MAGISTRATE COURT: JUSTICE FOR TAZNE VAN WYK • PORTLAND POLICE: JUSTICE FOR TETE GULLEY • DROP CHARGES ON MARSHAE JONES & CHARGE THE SHOOTER OF HER & HER UNBORN BABY • TEMPLE POLICE DEPARTMENT: JUSTICE FOR MICHAEL DEAN • STAND WITH #BLM • MOVEMENT4BLACKLIVES • PHOENIX POLICE DEPARTMENT: JUSTICE FOR DION JOHNSON • FIRE RON FREEMAN • MANCHESTER POLICE: JUSTICE FOR SHUKRI ABDI • DISTRICT ATTORNEY JIM WARD: JAIL TIME FOR DYLAN MOTA AND JACOB ROBLES • NSW POLICE: MANDATE THE POLICE FORCE ACADEMIES TO TAKE RACIAL BIAS TEST • JUNK THE ANTI-TERRORISM BILL AND UPHOLD HUMAN RIGHTS • NIGERIA POLICE FORCE: JUSTICE FOR YOUNG UWA • SCHOOLS MUST SPEAK UP NOW • SEATTLE POLICE: ARREST JARED CAMPBELL (1) • TERMINATE JARED CAMPBELL (2) • POLICE DE-ESCALATION TRAINING • PARDON CRYSTAL MASON IMPRISONED FOR VOTING. • JUSTICE FOR CAMERON GREEN • UNITED NATIONS: BAN THE USE OF INHUMANE RUBBER BULLETS (1) • UN AND US GOVERNMENT: BAN THE USE OF RUBBER BULLETS (2) • STOP USING ICE TO POISON IMMIGRANTS • THE TRAYVON MARTIN LAW – STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING AGAIN • COOKS COUNTY ILLINOIS POLICE: FREE CHAFFIN DARNEL Y • SUPPORT FORMER BUFFALOE POLICE OFFICER CARIOL HORNE TO RECEIVE HER PENSION • IMPROVE WORKING CONDITIONS FOR BLACK PEOPLE IN ITALY • DEFUND DALLAS POLICE DEPARTMENT AND INVEST IN THE LARGER DALLAS COMMUNITY • JUSTICE FOR BRITTANY CHRISHAWN WILLIAMS • RICHMOND CITY COUNCIL & MAYOR STONEY: MARCUS ALERT & CIVILIAN OVERSIGHT OF RPD • JUSTICE FOR QUENTIN SUTTLES • SAVE INNOCENT KENNETH REAMS FROM DEATH ROW • KING COUNTY POLICE OFFICERS GUILD: REQUIRE DASH AND BODY CAMERAS • DEFUND THE POLICE • JUSTICE FOR JAMES SCURLOCK (1) • JUSTICE FOR JAMES SCURLOCK (2) • CLASSIFY WHITE SUPREMACISTS AS TERRORISTS • JUSTICE FOR DAVID MCATEE • NO POLICE PRESENCE AT TACOMA BLM PROTEST • DEFUND SDPD • FIRE LAPD CHIEF MICHAEL MOORE • MAKE WASHINGTON STATE POLICE ACCOUNTABLE FOR POLICE BRUTALITY • FIRE OFFICER CAMILLE STEPHENSON • STOP ILLEGAL EXPORT OF RIOTING EQUIPMENT • JUSTICE FOR SHELLEY FREY • JUSTICE FOR ASHTON DICKSON • BAN/RESTRICT TEARGAS • KNOCK DOWN SLAVE MARKET CENTER • FREE ANTHONY WITT • JUSTICE FOR SANDRA BLAND • PROTECT UK BLACK TRANS WOMEN • REJECT TRUMP’S VIOLENCE TOWARDS PROTESTORS • MAKE POLICE BRUTALITY ILLEGAL • FIRE AUSTIN CHIEF POLICE • JUSTICE FOR BRAD LEVI • JUSTICE FOR JONAS JOSEPH • JUSTICE FOR DOMINIQUE CLAYTON • JUSTICE FOR ANDERSON ARBOLEDA • FREE CURTIS PRICE ______________________________________________________________________________

DONATIONS:

From reading various sources of information, it is advised to not donate to change.org, as it is a private corporation and none of the funds go towards the organizations or people that have put the petitions together. Of course, continue to sign the petitions, but please take the time to read their FAQ regarding donations.

Here is a list of recommended websites via blacklivesmatters: ______________________________________________________________________________

VICTIMS:

• GEORGE FLOYD MEMORIAL FUND • GEORGE FLOYD’S SISTERS FUND • GEORGE FLOYD’S DAUGHTERS FUND • BREONNA TAYLOR FUND • AHMAUD ARBERY FUND • REGIS KORCHINSKI FUND • JAMEE JOHNSON FUND • DESTINY HARRISON FUNERAL FUND • ERIC ROSALIA FUND • BELLY MUJINGA FUND • DION JOHNSON FUND • AARON JAMES FUND • TONY MCDADE FUND • HEALING FOR DARNELLA • DESTINY’S DREAM SCHOLARSHIP • JAMES SCURLOCK FUND • SUPPORT FOR LESLIE FUND • TREVER BELLE FUND • TAMPA BAY COMMUNITY SUPPORT • BRAD LEVI AYALA FUND • ALAJUNAYE DAVIS FUND • SAID JOQUIN FUND • DAVID MCATEE FUND • ITALIA KELLEY FUND ______________________________________________________________________________

* PROTESTORS *

• BALI FUNDS BY STATE • TAMPA BAY COMMUNITY SUPPORT • SPLIT DONATION TO 37 BAIL FUNDS • NATIONAL BAIL FUND NETWORK • BAIL FUND GOOGLE DOC • BAIL FUND TWITTER THREAD • GAS MASK FUND • UNICORN RIOT FUND • MESSIAH YOUNG AND TANIYA PILGRIM • EZEQUIEL VALDERAS BAIL FUND • BLM FRONTLINE FUND • FUND PROTESTORS IN THE UK • SUPPLIES FOR DC PROTESTORS • VENMO: FEMME EMPOWERMENT PROJECT ______________________________________________________________________________

* BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES *

• BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES THREAD • BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES ATLANTA • BURGERIM DALLAS TEXAS • EMW WOMEN’S

* EMW is the ONLY abortion clinic in Kentucky and is 1 OF THE 6 black owned clinics in the country.

• REBUILD SCORES SPORTS BAR FUND • REBUILD SACDELUX CONSIGNMENT STORE FUND • HELP TRIO THRIVE • ATLANTA BLACK OWNED BUSINESS RELIEF • REBUILD GUNS & ROSES BOUTIQUE FUND • SOMALI OWNED BUSINESSES • REBUILD SHOE MOUNTAIN FUND • REBUILD THE BLOCK FUND • MINNEAPOLIS BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES • LONG BEACH BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES ______________________________________________________________________________

* ORGANIZATIONS *

• Reclaim The Block • North Star Health Collective • NAACP Legal Defense Fund • Black Visions Collective • Black Disability Coalition • The Marshall Project • ACLU • Campaign Zero • Advancement Project ______________________________________________________________________________ * OTHER IMPORTANT PLACES *

• SUPPORT SYBRINA FULTON, TRAYVON MARTIN’S MOTHER WHO IS RUNNING FOR OFFICE IN FLORIDA • SUPPORT LUCY MCBETH FOR RE-ELECTION HER SON JORDAN DAVIS WAS MURDERED AT 17 BY A RACIST • BLM FUND • BLM LA FUND • SMALL BUSINESSES REBUILD • BAY AREA BLACK BUSINESSES FUND • LOVELAND THERAPY FUND • BLACK TRANS WOMEN FUND • NATIONAL POLICE ACCOUNTABILITY PROJECT • CHANGE THE NYPD • LAKE STREET CLEANUP • UNTIL FREEDOM • REBUILD NATIVE AMERICAN YOUTH CENTER • REBUILD VIETNAMESE RESTAURANT FUND • CAMBODIA TOWN RELIEF FUND • REBUILD JOY’S BEAUTY SALON FUND • LOCAL RICHMOND BUSINESSES (VA) • FORDHAM CLEANUP FUND • REDISTRIBUTION TO BLACK CENTERED GROUPS • DONATE TO END PERIOD POVERTY ______________________________________________________________________________ * USEFUL RESOURCES * • BLACK LIVES MATTER • BLACK MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES (1) • BLACK MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES (2) • CAPTAINS FOR DEAF OR HOH ______________________________________________________________________________

“PLEASE, I CAN’T BREATHE. MY STOMACH HURTS. MY NECK HURTS. EVERYTHING HURTS. THEY’RE GOING TO KILL ME.”

– George Floyds last words.

BLACK LIVES MATTER. Firstly, I want to apologize in advance for any insensitivity or inaccuracies in this post. I cannot pretend I am as educated as I would like to be, but I am extremely passionate in learning about others and using my privilege for good.

#black lives matter #black trans lives matter #black trans women #blackout tuesday #BLM #equality for all #i stand with you #lgbt #LGBT rights #LGBTQ #say their name #say their names

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