#thank you for asking this au is the love of my life!
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TWTHH Spinoff: Love to Hate You [2]
Pairing: royal secretary!San x female scholar!reader
AU: historical au (Joseon era)
Word Count: 10.7k 🤡
Summary: San prided himself on his knack for building easy connections with women, viewing himself as a trusted ally for the opposite gender. Thanks to his deep bonds with his mother and sister, he possessed keen insights into the female mindset. Never did he imagine facing the ire of a woman, until he encountered a resolute female scholar with a strong dislike towards men.
A/N: I'd recommend listening to Laufey's Valentine while reading this, the song is quite perfect for this spinoff.
Part 1 | Main Story | Spinoff Masterlist
"Now, tell me, why were you crying?" you inquired, halting at the doorway of your house, careful to shield your mother from the conversation. You understood that she would only blame herself if she knew he was upset, despite none of it being her fault. Deep down, you knew she carried the burden of not being able to protect her children, always feeling like an inadequate mother.
Siwoo shook his head, "It's nothing, noona. I just... I was just overwhelmed with all the schoolwork on my first day. But don't worry about me, I feel much better after letting it all out," he reassured, attempting to alleviate your concerns. Yet, you couldn't fully accept his explanation. While a part of you ached to think he might have been bullied by his classmates, as you had feared, another part of you swelled with pride at his resilience.
That's my boy.
"Is that so? Well, come on then, dinner might be ready," you responded, and he brightened at the mention of food. "Dinner sounds good, I'm starving! Mother, we're home!" he called out excitedly, darting into your modest abode almost immediately.
"How was school, Siwoo?" your mother asked, her fingers smoothing down his unruly hair as he dug into his meal with gusto. Siwoo grinned and nodded. "It was okay! Master Lee looked after me really well, just like noona said he would!" Your mother smiled warmly and wiped a stray bit of food from his cheek. "That's good to hear."
You couldn't help but smile at their exchange, though you sensed Siwoo's words were meant to reassure your mother more than convey his true feelings. While Master Lee might have looked after him in their presence, you knew all too well the dynamics of school life and the possibility of bullying when no adults were around. Unfortunately, he would have to learn to navigate those challenges, just as you had.
Finishing your meal, you tousled your brother's hair. "So, what did that man from earlier say to you?" Your mother raised a curious eyebrow. "Man? What man?" Siwoo perked up. "Oh, that kind hyung-nim! He was just making sure I was okay."
You scoffed. "Kind? You don't even know him. People can seem nice but have hidden motives. Don't trust too easily, or he might want something from you." Turning to your mother, you elaborated, "It's His Majesty's royal secretary. We had an unpleasant encounter at the palace. I had hoped never to see him again, but somehow he was at Siwoo's school when I went to pick him up. How many coincidences can there be? I'm certain he's up to something. So, you," you directed a stern look at your brother. "Don't entertain him if he shows up again, okay?"
Siwoo nodded reluctantly, his expression turning sullen. Your mother shook her head. "Or perhaps he's genuinely nice...? He's an important figure, after all. You shouldn't make an enemy out of him, dear. I worry for you." You offered her a reassuring smile. "I'll handle it, mother. Don't worry about me."
Later that night, as you lay in bed, the soft breathing of your brother beside you with a comforting rhythm, you couldn't help but feel a pang of bittersweet emotion. Siwoo, once the tiny bundle you cradled in your arms, had grown so quickly before your eyes. Memories of his infancy flooded your mind, the moments when you'd rocked him to sleep and comforted his tears.
Now, here he was, trying to shield his own emotions from you, not wanting to burden you with his struggles. Your heart swelled with both pride and a tinge of sadness as you gently stroked his head, leaning in to plant a tender kiss on his forehead. How you wished he could remain your precious little brother forever, sheltered from life's harsh realities.
Yet, another part of you longed for him to mature, to become the pillar of strength this family needed. You yearned for the day when he would stand beside you as a protector, capable of shouldering the burdens that weighed heavily on your shoulders.
"Sweet dreams, little one," you whispered softly, your voice barely a whisper in the darkness. With a sigh, you closed your eyes, letting the tranquillity of the night envelop you as you drifted into slumber, your dreams filled with hopes for the future.
The next day unfolded much like the one before, with the familiar routine of dropping Siwoo off at school. Kneeling beside him, you tenderly adjusted his hanbok and smoothed down his hair, your actions a comforting ritual between siblings.
"Well, I have no new advice for you today, except to stay strong and not let the words of others affect you. Remember, they're just words, and you can choose not to let them bother you," you imparted, noticing the flicker of surprise in his eyes, as if he had been caught keeping secrets from you. With a warm smile, you gently pinched his cheeks to alleviate any worries he might have.
"Now, go on and get in there. And no causing trouble!" you teased, prompting a playful protest from Siwoo as he swatted your hands away and stuck out his tongue. "Bye, noona! See you later!" he called out cheerfully as he headed off to join his classmates.
As you watched him go, a soft smile lingered on your lips, filled with both pride and a touch of wistfulness.
He'll be fine; we've been over this.
You proceeded towards your educational institution to resume your own studies, putting aside worries about your brother for the moment. As you arrived at the entrance, you took a deep breath to ready yourself before entering, clutching your books tightly to your chest.
"Well, well, look who decided to grace us with her presence. Miss Smarty Pants finally showed up. Heard she even resorted to borrowing books from the royal library," Namgil, the scholar with the wealthiest father and your longtime tormentor, remarked as he annoyingly strolled alongside you, trailed by his group of cronies. One of them chimed in with a smirk, "Poor thing can't even afford her own books. Maybe if she catches the eye of some high-ranking officials in the palace, she won't need to study so hard at all."
Maintaining a neutral expression, you continued walking towards the foyer, where you could begin your studies undisturbed with the presence of teachers. Despite the taunting remarks being a regular occurrence during your journey from the outside to the inside of the institution, you had grown accustomed to them.
Reaching the foyer, you pivoted to face the group with a wide, sarcastic grin. "Well, boys, have you had your fill? If we're done wasting precious time trying to bring others down to boost our own fragile egos, maybe we should focus on our studies. After all, if we want to avoid squandering dear old daddy's money, we'll need to graduate. Time's ticking, gentlemen. Are we going to remain stuck in this childish behaviour forever?"
The satisfaction was palpable as you flashed a victorious smile and turned to stride into the foyer, leaving them no room for a rebuttal as a teacher emerged to greet the group. They hastily composed themselves, offering respectful bows and pretending as though nothing had happened.
Fools, you thought to yourself. This was precisely why you harboured such disdain for men. They were simplistic creatures, falling into one of two categories. The first, like Namgil and his cronies, were openly mean-spirited, condescending, and misogynistic. The second, exemplified by Royal Secretary Choi, was the cunning, duplicitous types who sought to earn your trust through false kindness before exploiting you. In the end, they were all cut from the same cloth.
At the end of the session, following a quiz intended to assess everyone's preparedness for the final examination, you unsurprisingly emerged as the top scorer once again. The teacher's announcement was met with the usual mixture of reactions, but your attention was drawn to his subsequent remarks.
"Miss Moon, once again, you've secured the top spot. Namgil, while second place may seem like an achievement, you should feel nothing but shame. All of you should. It's unacceptable to be outperformed by a woman. Study harder; I expect to see a different outcome in the next quiz."
You shook your head in disbelief at the teacher's words, seething inwardly at his ingrained bias. The implication that a woman should not surpass men in intellect spoke volumes about his archaic mentality. You were tired of being spoken about as if you weren't in the room, tired of the inherent sexism that permeated every aspect of your academic life. Graduation couldn't come soon enough; you were determined to prove these narrow-minded individuals wrong.
I'll show you morons.
"Oh boy, I know that look," Haneul remarked, shaking her head with a disapproving sigh as San emerged from his room the next day. Despite the dark circles under his eyes, his usual enthusiasm and determination shone through. She suspected her discouraging words from the previous evening had backfired, knowing her brother was just an optimistic idiot like that.
He scoffed, "What do you know? Go home already, noona. Your husband might start to worry if you keep visiting so often."
With a smirk, she lightly whacked him on the head. "I'm leaving today, don't you worry. But don't say I didn't warn you when whatever silly plan you might have ends up falling through. You men just love learning things the hard way, don't you? Let her be, Sannie."
"Yeah, yeah. Safe travels. I'll catch you later."
Haneul rolled her eyes in defeat. "Fine, fine. Send me away like I'm a nuisance. You should learn something from little Siwoo."
Turning back with a sarcastic grin, the royal secretary teased, "If you say so... love you, noona!" and blew her exaggerated kisses, earning a mockingly disgusted reaction. "Yuck! Save that for your future wife, gross!" she exclaimed, pretending to gag.
San strode through the palace corridors with newfound determination, his mind buzzing with plans and possibilities. He greeted the palace staff with a bright smile and a confident demeanour, earning curious glances from those he passed.
As he approached the royal study, he couldn't help but feel a surge of excitement. Today was the day he would begin executing his plan, the day he would show Scholar Moon that he was different from the rest, that he was sincere in his intentions.
Entering the king's presence, San found himself greeted with the warm smile of His Majesty. The elderly man's eyes twinkled with amusement as he observed his secretary's energy.
"You seem quite cheerful today, Royal Secretary Choi. Anything exciting happening in your life?" the king inquired with a chuckle as their daily meeting concluded.
San's grin widened, his heart racing with anticipation. "I suppose so, Your Majesty. I won't say more until I see positive results," he replied cryptically, unknowingly leaving the king to interpret his words as he wished. Little did the fool know, his vague response led His Majesty to believe he was referring to romantic pursuits.
The king's face lit up. "Oh, I can't wait to hear the good news. Best of luck, my boy. That's all for today. Carry on with your tasks," he said with a playful wink, dismissing San with a clap of his hands.
Secretary Choi bowed deeply, feeling grateful. "Thank you, Your Majesty!" he exclaimed before leaving the royal study, his mind already buzzing with plans to win over the female scholar.
He made his way through the library, exchanging nods with a few scholars absorbed in their studies. As he searched the aisles, hope waned with each passing moment. Nearly ready to give up, he reluctantly admitted to himself that you might not be there today. With a resigned sigh, he turned to leave.
But as he moved to exit, a flash of movement caught his eye. Turning back, he was stunned to see you tucked away in a quiet corner, fast asleep amidst a pile of borrowed books. A wave of tenderness washed over him at the sight of your peaceful form, and he approached you with silent steps, not wanting to disturb your rest.
He couldn't resist the urge to approach and observe you, struck by how serene and angelic you appeared in your slumber, a stark contrast to your usual tough and guarded demeanour. Seeing the sunlight streaming in from the nearby window and casting a glare on your face, he settled into the seat opposite you. With a gentle touch, he lifted his hand to shield you from the brightness, intent on preserving your peaceful rest.
Looking down at you like this, perhaps it was his innate sense of chivalry, but it stirred an intense urge to protect you, to help shoulder some of the burdens you must be carrying on those delicate shoulders of yours. He couldn't shake the feeling of admiration mingled with empathy as he watched you, lost in tranquil slumber amidst the chaos of the world around you. With a soft sigh, he longed to offer you more than just protection from the sun's glare, yearning to provide solace and support in any way possible.
As he watched you stir, letting out a small groan before readjusting your head and settling back into sleep, he felt a slight panic. However, his worry melted away when he realised you were merely shifting in your slumber. A soft sigh escaped him, accompanied by a gentle smile and a flutter in his heart at how endearing you looked.
Gosh, she looks adorable.
Resting his head on his palm, he continued to observe, noting the subtle signs of exhaustion etched across your beautiful face. Unlike other girls or women who likely had access to luxurious skincare products or ample rest to maintain their beauty, it was evident that any resources you had were dedicated to supporting your family and pursuing your studies. His gaze drifted to your hands, noticing the dry skin, blunt nails and paper cuts, evidence of both physical labour and tireless studying.
Gazing at you, his mind wandered to the challenges and hardships you must have faced throughout your childhood, shaping you into the resilient and guarded person you are today. He pondered on the beliefs you held about men, likely influenced by your past experiences. Working in the palace, San was all too familiar with the despicable behaviour of some men, having witnessed their deceit and manipulation firsthand. He understood, perhaps more than most, your strong aversion and distrust of men.
Yet, in his heart, he believed that you hadn't met men like him and his friends—men of integrity and genuine kindness. Determined to prove to you that good men existed, he resolved to show you through his actions. He was determined to be the exception, to demonstrate that not all men were as duplicitous as those you had encountered before. And in that moment, as he watched over you, he silently vowed to be the beacon of goodness and sincerity that you deserved.
Lost in his contemplations, he was jolted back to reality when he felt your hand push his away. Startled, he blinked, realising that the sun he had been shielding you from was now obscured by clouds. Your voice, sharp and incredulous, pierced through his thoughts.
"What in the world do you think you're doing, Royal Secretary Choi?" you demanded, your tone laced with annoyance and curiosity.
Flustered and caught off guard by your abrupt interruption, San quickly cleared his throat and straightened in his seat, feeling the weight of your scrutiny upon him. He could only imagine how his actions must have appeared from your perspective: waking up to find an uninvited man seated across from you, hand raised in an attempt to shield you from the absent sun.
"I-I can explain," he stammered, scrambling to find the right words to justify his actions. "I was just trying to—"
But before he could finish his sentence, you cut him off with a sarcastic smile, your words dripping with disdain.
"Let me guess," you said, your tone biting. "You just wanted to help? I thought I made myself very clear yesterday, but it seems I might not have. In case you missed the point, I'll repeat it again: I don't need your help. Thank you very much."
With that, you gathered all the books in your arms and swiftly exited, leaving him feeling chastised and uncertain of how to proceed.
As he sat frozen in his seat, watching your retreating figure, the royal secretary couldn't help but admire your firm resolve. Instead of feeling discouraged by your rejection, he found himself respecting you even more for it. Your unwavering stance showed him that you weren't one to let someone into your life easily, and in a world where men could be deceitful and manipulative, that was a reassuring trait. He couldn't help but feel a surge of admiration for you, even as he remained seated in the library, contemplating his next move.
Making your way out of the palace, your heart still raced from the encounter in the library as you clutched the stack of borrowed books close to your chest. Unbeknownst to Secretary Choi, you had been awake for some time, waiting to see what he would do, ready to catch him red-handed if he attempted anything untoward.
To your unpleasant surprise, you found that the glaring sun that had once been on your face was gone. Peeking through your lashes, you observed San going to great lengths to shield you from the brightness, even though he must have assumed you were still asleep. It was a small gesture, but one that spoke volumes about his character.
Even with his apparent kindness, you couldn't bring yourself to believe that he had done it without any ulterior motives. There had to be something he wanted from you; you were sure of it. You refused to let your guard down, you remained determined to stay wary of his intentions.
Despite your hopes that San would quit his efforts after the incident in the library, he proved to be annoyingly persistent. However, to your surprise, he no longer offered unsolicited help, seemingly aware that you had not asked for it. Instead, he chose a different approach to get closer to you.
Every day as you entered the palace, he greeted you with a bright smile and a friendly "good morning." You found his amiable demeanour irritating because it made it challenging for you to be rude to him when he was simply being a nice and sociable person. With no choice but to reciprocate his greetings, you returned them with a forced smile of your own, not wanting to appear impolite in front of other palace staff.
Today was no different, much to your dismay. Despite your multiple attempts to arrive either earlier or later than your usual time, he always seemed to be there. Deep down, you wanted to bluntly ask him if he had nothing better to do. Shouldn't a royal secretary be busy? Why was he always lingering around?
Approaching the entrance and spotting him, you couldn't help but slap a hand on your forehead in frustration. You tried to turn away, but he called out to you before you could make your escape.
"Scholar Moon! I see you're here early today. Good morning!" he exclaimed cheerfully.
You cursed under your breath and reluctantly turned back to feign a smile, bowing respectfully. "Indeed, I am... Good morning, Royal Secretary Choi," you replied through gritted teeth.
He beamed at you and gestured for you to join him. "Come, let us head in together!"
Letting out a sigh of disbelief, you put on your best fake smile and complied, knowing it wouldn't be in your best interest to be rude to someone of such high importance in front of other people. Damn it, you couldn't wait for the day to be over already.
Walking beside him, you sought a moment of tranquillity, but as expected, he initiated an unwanted conversation like always.
"How's Siwoo adjusting to school?" he asked, his tone overly chipper.
Suppressing the urge to roll your eyes, you briefly squeezed them shut before replying, "He's doing well. Thank you for asking."
His smile widened at your response. "That's great! I just hope he's feeling better than the last time I saw him. Poor boy was so upset."
You sighed, cutting him off before he could continue. "Yes, but he'll live—"
Before you could finish, a group of rushing court ladies surged around the corner. "Out of the way! Concubine Eom Heebin is giving birth!" Amidst the commotion, you were shoved aside, but a firm pair of arms caught you, guiding you to safety—San's arms.
You landed against his chest with a huff, and he peered down at you with wide eyes. "Careful there, watch your step! You alright?" His words lacked their usual formality, driven purely by instinct.
San gulped audibly, his gaze lingering on your features as if trying to memorise every detail. He marvelled at how beautiful you looked up close, relishing the sensation of holding you tightly against him. It felt strangely satisfying to shield you from danger, to have you vulnerable in his arms. There was an inexplicable desire within him to be the only one who knew how it felt to hold you like this.
Meanwhile, you felt a conflicting array of emotions swirling within you as you found yourself in his embrace. Despite your best efforts to maintain your dislike for him, you couldn't deny the unexpected sense of safety and comfort you felt in his arms. It unsettled you, this lack of disgust, and you hated how nice it felt, how it threatened to unravel the walls you had carefully constructed around your heart.
Realising your proximity, you blinked rapidly and pushed yourself away. "Y-yes, I'm fine. Thank you..." For once, you meant it.
Days passed, and you found yourself in a state of inner conflict whenever you were around him. Previously, you had to force yourself to maintain politeness and hide your disdain for him, but now, it was becoming increasingly difficult to be unpleasant.
You despised this newfound feeling of guilt he stirred within you, as if he was silently reproaching you for your past behaviour. Moreover, he continued to prove himself to be just as kind as everyone claimed, further complicating your emotions.
Hate brewed within you—not for the royal secretary as a person, but for the way he was challenging your beliefs about all men being alike. He made you start to doubt the certainties you once held dear, and you resented him for it. Most of all, you detested how he was making it difficult for you to maintain your animosity towards him.
Regardless of the swirling new emotions within you, one thing remained constant: your determination to avoid him at all costs. You were sick and tired of the conflicting feelings he stirred within you, and you knew that indulging in them would only serve as a distraction from your studies.
You needed to maintain your focus and drive, especially now when your responsibilities weighed heavily on your shoulders. The last thing you needed was to be sidetracked by unnecessary emotions brought about by a man, of all things.
But of course, life seemed determined to defy your efforts. Despite your best attempts to avoid him, it felt like he was everywhere you turned. With each passing day, you found yourself encountering him more frequently, almost as if he were purposely crossing your path.
The realisation was hard to swallow: you were seeing him more often than your own mother and younger brother combined. It was infuriating to admit, but no matter how hard you tried to evade him, he seemed to find a way to appear wherever you were.
As you finished up your studies and prepared to leave the palace, a sense of relief washed over you. Today had been the first in what felt like an eternity without a sighting of Royal Secretary Choi. Hope flickered in your heart as you packed up your belongings, eager to leave the palace behind and reunite with your little brother.
But just as you approached the main entrance, the sky darkened ominously. Thunder rumbled, and lightning streaked across the sky before a torrential downpour engulfed the area. "No, no, no, not now! Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" you muttered under your breath, feeling frustration bubbling up inside you.
With no umbrella to shield you from the rain, you hurried to seek refuge under the closest shelter you could find: the awning of a nearby building. The sudden change in weather dashed your hopes of a smooth departure, leaving you stranded and drenched.
The thought of Siwoo waiting for you added to your unease. You cursed your lack of preparation, knowing that he would now have to endure more time with his bullies. It was another setback in a day that had promised to be free of Choi San's presence.
Yep, I'm convinced god hates me.
While you sheltered under the awning, your gaze remained fixed on the entrance, torn between the desire to run out into the rain to your brother and the realisation that falling sick was not an option. Too many people depended on you—your mother, your brother, and all the women in need of your assistance. You couldn't afford to be unwell, not with so many responsibilities resting on your shoulders.
Lost in your thoughts, you failed to notice a figure approaching from behind until the raindrops abruptly ceased falling around you. Looking up, you were met with the sight of an umbrella being held over your head. Startled, you turned to see San standing beside you, concern etched on his features.
"Are you alright, my lady? Please allow me to escort you to your destination," he said, his voice gentle and sincere.
The royal secretary's surprise was evident when he realised it was you, causing him to stumble over his words in an attempt to explain himself. "O-oh! It's you, Scholar Moon! I swear I didn't realise it was you, I thought you were a palace staff or someone else! I mean, I wasn't trying to offer help when you didn't want it, or maybe I was..."
He paused, then continued, "But I promise, I'm not making any assumptions! I can leave if you want me to... I'll leave the umbrella with you, of course, because obviously little Siwoo is waiting for you. Sorry, I don't mean to ramble... I just— here you go." Without waiting for your response, he thrust the umbrella into your hand and hurried off into the rain, leaving you standing frozen in bewilderment, trying to comprehend the unexpected encounter.
As you stood there, still holding the umbrella he had left behind, you couldn't shake off the words he had said. They lingered in your mind, his voice echoing gently, making you question your own feelings. For the first time, you understood why women might find him charming. Despite your resolve to dislike him, you couldn't deny his physical attractiveness and his gentlemanly nature.
But as you thought about it further, a new emotion crept in—an unsettling realisation that his kindness wasn't reserved for you alone. He would be just as sincere and helpful to anyone in need. Suddenly, a twinge of jealousy stirred within you. Why did it bother you that he treated others with kindness? Why did you feel upset that you weren't the only one receiving his attention? What was wrong with you?
Confusion clouded your thoughts as you grappled with these unfamiliar feelings. You couldn't understand why it mattered to you whether he was nice to everyone or not. But the fact that it did matter left you feeling even more bewildered. What were these emotions, and why the hell were they stirring within you now?
Lord, I must be out of my damn mind.
In the days that followed, your annoyance with San returned, but this time it was for a new reason—one you stubbornly refused to acknowledge. Despite your efforts to keep your distance and maintain your walls around him, you found it increasingly difficult to do so. His presence seemed to linger in your mind, his gentle demeanour and persistent kindness chipping away at your defences.
Meanwhile, the royal secretary remained hopeful after his recent encounters with you. He noticed the subtle changes in your behaviour—the once sarcastic smiles and curt words slowly giving way to genuine attempts to interact with him. He knew your pride was likely the barrier keeping you from fully opening up to him, but he was determined to break through it.
Perhaps it was the sense of accomplishment he felt, but he found himself increasingly consumed by thoughts of you and the challenge of breaking down your barriers to earn your trust. Each day, he eagerly anticipated going to work, knowing he might catch a glimpse of your beautiful face. Lately, he noticed it revealing more than just anger and disdain—it showed hints of other emotions too. He longed to witness them all, to be the first and perhaps the only one to see them. He felt a swell of pride, both in himself and in your progress, even if you were unaware of it.
"You like her, don't you?" San's gaze snapped up to meet his mother's, his chewing momentarily halted as he raised a questioning brow. "What are you talking about, eomma?"
She grinned, gesturing towards the additional lunch box he had instructed the servants to prepare for work that day. "Oh, you mean Scholar Moon? I mean, yeah, I guess I do...? I like everyone," he responded with a cheerful beam. However, her expression shifted to one of knowingness as she crossed her arms over her chest. "That's not what I mean, you silly boy. You have feelings for her, don't you?"
He choked on his food in surprise at her assertion. "Huh? Wh-what makes you say that? You know about my mission to prove her prejudice wrong, that's all there is to it. I don't feel any differently about her than I do about any other lady."
With a knowing smirk, the elderly woman caused him to wince. It was the same sarcastic expression his sister always wore before delivering a harsh truth. "Oh yes, because you make a point to greet every female palace staff member every morning, ask about all their family members, never stop talking about them, and ensure to pack extra lunch for them all just like you do for Scholar Moon, isn't that right?"
As his mother's words settled in, a sudden revelation struck San like a bolt of lightning. It was as if a veil had been lifted, revealing a truth that had been hidden from him until now. He couldn't pinpoint exactly when it had begun—perhaps it had lurked beneath the surface from the start, waiting for the right moment to surface.
He had been so preoccupied with proving to you that he was different, so focused on challenging your prejudices, that he hadn't stopped to consider his own feelings. What had started as a mission might have morphed into something more. The concern and care he felt for you went beyond mere kindness; it was a genuine desire to protect and support you.
Reflecting on the moments when you had occupied his thoughts—the incident in the library, the near-accident with the court ladies—he realised that his feelings ran deeper than he had admitted to himself. Even as he grappled with the conflict between wanting to take care of you and respecting your independence, he couldn't ignore the truth any longer. Choi San was a man with a lot of love to give, and he wasn't shy or ashamed to admit that he had developed feelings for you—feelings that transcended friendship or admiration. It was a realisation that both surprised and invigorated him, filling him with anticipation for what the future might hold.
But he wasn't stupid; he understood that acknowledging his feelings didn't equate to knowing yours or if you could ever reciprocate them. Despite this, he chose to find contentment in this understanding. He wouldn't expect anything from you in return. Your happiness would suffice to make him happy, even if it meant remaining mere acquaintances.
With this resolve, he bid his parents farewell before heading to work, his heart fluttering at the prospect of seeing you once more.
Later that afternoon, San strolled around the area where you often spent your lunch breaks. Spotting you in the secluded pavilion near the royal library, he felt a wave of relief wash over him. Instead of your usual packed lunch, you were nibbling on a meagre steamed bun. Approaching you with a grin, he greeted you.
"Good afternoon, Scholar Moon. I see you're having lunch as well," he greeted, and you nodded quickly, feeling self-conscious and embarrassed about your modest meal. Just as you were about to ask him what he wanted, he revealed the bag of lunchboxes he had been hiding behind his back.
"That's wonderful then. My family estate kitchen staff seemed to have made an extra set of lunch, and I was just wondering if maybe you would like to have it," he offered. You raised a sceptical eyebrow. "An extra set? That seems highly unlikely to happen."
He tried to maintain his composure despite being caught in a fib. "Fine. If you're not interested in it, I'm sure there are other palace staff who would enjoy it," he said, turning to leave. Panic surged within you as he started to walk away. "W-wait! I'll take it... please," you pleaded, reaching out to grasp his arm. With a satisfied nod, he settled down beside you.
That's what I thought.
As you opened the meticulously prepared lunchbox, a look of awe graced your features. The royal secretary chuckled at your adorable expression. He observed as you hesitated for a moment, glancing at him as if seeking approval before starting to eat. With a nod of encouragement, he joined in.
Little did you know, he had overheard some court ladies discussing the struggles faced by a female scholar, which could only be you, as you were the only one known. They recounted your struggles to afford essentials at home due to your brother's school fees and your own lack of income, all because of your dedication to your studies.
As you both began to eat, you didn't notice San biting his lip to hold back his laughter. Your eyes had widened and sparkled with innocent amazement at the flavours, a look he had never seen before. The sight made his heart flutter, confirming his feelings for you. He wanted to protect that innocence forever and be the only one to witness this endearing sight. He could easily picture spending time with you like this for life, and he knew he wouldn’t complain.
When you looked up and caught him staring, he quickly returned his gaze to his food. You blushed and checked your lips for any stray rice, wondering why he had been looking at you like that. Like a creep.
How annoying.
Relieved that there was nothing on your face, you continued eating. However, you furrowed your brows as you noticed the secretary picking at his food from the corner of your eye. Unable to contain your curiosity, you turned to see him pushing aside all the greens in his container. Raising an eyebrow, you asked, "Saving the best for last?"
He chortled, "Like hell I am."
Realising what was going on, you scoffed, "Seriously? The great Royal Secretary Choi doesn't eat his vegetables? Even my brother eats his. You should be ashamed of yourself."
He sputtered, clearly embarrassed, and you snickered at how flustered he appeared over your teasing. Glaring at you, he retorted, "Is that any way to talk to the kind samaritan who just treated you to lunch?"
You shrugged. "I'll treat anyone who doesn't eat their veggies the same way, with discrimination. If you won't eat them, give them here, you big baby."
He pouted, about to hand them over until you added, "Siwoo's going to be so disappointed when he hears about this. He looks up to you and thinks of you as his role model, you know." You gasped, realising you had revealed something you hadn't meant to share, but all your regret dissolved when you saw his reaction to your words.
San's jaw dropped, and he quickly snatched the greens back, stuffing his face with them. "There, I finished them. You happy now?!"
You couldn't help but burst into laughter. In moments like this, you wondered how wonderful it would be if all men were like him. You admired how his eyes crinkled as he joined in your laughter. He could be so annoyingly cute and likeable. Gosh, you hated it. You hated how warm he was making you feel, hated how good it felt.
As the two of you calmed down from your giggles, the smiles remained on your faces. You finished the last of your food, neatly wrapped the lunchbox back up in his bag, and handed it to him. "Thank you, Royal Secretary Choi," you said, your voice sincere.
His heart skipped a beat at your genuine gratitude. With a nod of acknowledgement, he reached out to take the bag from you. Both your breaths hitched when your fingertips brushed against each other. The unexpected contact sent a small, electric jolt through you both, causing you to momentarily lock eyes.
San's eyes softened, filled with an emotion you couldn't quite place. The world seemed to pause, and for a fleeting moment, the two of you were the only ones that existed. You could feel your pulse quickening, the warmth of his touch lingering on your skin.
"You're welcome," he finally replied, his voice barely above a whisper. He took the bag, his fingers lingering a moment longer than necessary before pulling away.
You quickly looked down, trying to steady your racing heart. "I should get back to my studies," you said, standing up and smoothing out your clothes.
"Of course," he replied, standing up as well. "Take care, Scholar Moon."
With a final nod, you turned and walked away, feeling his gaze linger on your back. A small smile tugged at your lips as you wondered what it would be like if moments like these with him became a regular part of your life. You found your own thoughts baffling, as no man had ever made you feel such emotions before.
Could he possibly... be the only exception?
No, he could not.
You should have known better. Should have recognised the trouble he brought along despite his constant insistence on helping. Initially, you felt grateful for his frequent gestures, like bringing you lunch and accompanying you to pick up your brother from school during the rainy season, the three of you huddled under his umbrella—a sight that warmed your mother's heart.
For a while, it felt like being on Cloud 9. But in hindsight, you must have lost your mind to let him get so involved in your life. It seemed foolish to rely on him so much, to let him become so close to you and your family.
And inevitably, there were consequences.
You reached your breaking point when the bullying at your educational institution intensified. Rumours about you and the royal secretary spending time together spread like wildfire among your fellow scholars, leading to endless torment.
As you tried to leave the institution, hoping to find solace at home after enduring what felt like hours of torment, Namgil and his cronies blocked your path, their mocking laughter echoing around you like a cacophony of cruelty.
"Leaving so soon, Miss Smarty Pants? Off to see your beloved Royal Secretary Choi, I presume?" he jeered, his voice dripping with malice. "Who would've thought your success was all thanks to him? Must have made quite the deal to get him to treat you so well. Bet you're not so innocent anymore, huh?"
His words cut through you like knives, causing your steps to falter as you froze in place, the implications of his cruel insinuations hitting you like a ton of bricks. "Should've known," Namgil continued, his tone laced with venom. "All you women are good for is spreading your legs."
You felt a wave of humiliation wash over you, a burning rage rising up within you as you struggled to hold back tears. They had no idea what you had been through, the sacrifices you had made to get to where you were. But at that moment, all you could do was stand there, feeling utterly defenceless against their relentless cruelty.
Meanwhile, San couldn't shake off his growing concern for you. He hadn't caught sight of you all day, and his inquiries around the palace yielded no sightings of you either. The court ladies confirmed that you hadn't visited the palace at all, which only deepened his worry. You had never missed a day before, and the thought of you being sick or in trouble made his heart sink.
Leaving work that day, the extra lunch he had prepared for you still in his hands, he hurried over to your brother's school in hopes of finding you there. However, his heart sank further when he only found Siwoo waiting by the entrance as usual. The child's face lit up when he spotted the royal secretary.
"Hyung-nim! Did my noona send you here to pick me up today?" Siwoo asked eagerly. The royal secretary shook his head, his concern evident in his expression.
"No, Siwoo-yah. She hasn't been to the palace either. Do you know where her institution is?" San inquired. Your brother's expression turned worried, but he nodded.
"Yes, I do! Let's go find her!" Siwoo suggested, but San gently shook his head.
"No can do, you tell me where and I'll go. Your mother will worry if neither of you are home," San explained. The child reluctantly agreed, but not without making a request.
"Okay, but promise me you'll bring her back," Siwoo pleaded. The secretary gave him a reassuring smile and pinky promised him.
"Don't worry, I will."
As San approached your institution, relief washed over him when he spotted your familiar figure not too far from the main entrance. However, his relief quickly turned to concern when he noticed you weren't alone. Surrounding you were a group of male scholars, their expressions and body language indicating that the conversation was far from pleasant. His heart twisted uncomfortably at the sight of your wet eyes and defeated look. Were you being bullied?
With clenched fists, he stepped closer, his brows narrowing in anger as he overheard snippets of the conversation. It was clear that the group was making disparaging remarks about you. His blood boiled when he heard the leader of the gang suggesting that you had been selling your body in exchange for your success. How dare they?
These bastards.
While San understood that your previous encounters with men must have been unpleasant for you to harbour such a strong dislike for them, witnessing you being treated in such a manner was a first for him. It was no wonder you hated them so much; who could blame you? But he was here now, and he was determined to change that.
He stalked over, his towering and intimidating presence startling the scholars. "Are my ears deceiving me, or did I truly just hear such vile words coming from a scholar?" he demanded, his voice icy and authoritative. "Watch your words because rest assured, your headmaster will hear about this. Not only were you being misogynistic, but how dare you insinuate such despicable things about Scholar Moon? This woman has more integrity than all of you combined. She doesn't need any man's backing—not even mine—to get where she is today. She is fully capable of achieving that on her own, and I think you know that, given how your insecurity and jealousy are blatantly showing through your nasty actions."
The scholars' faces turned pale, their bravado evaporating in the face of the royal secretary's fury. He stepped closer, his fists clenched, ready to defend you from any further insults. The leader of the gang opened his mouth to retort but quickly thought better of it, swallowing his words and casting a nervous glance at his friends.
"L-let's go, guys," Namgil stuttered, bowing before scrambling away. They weren't stupid. This was His Majesty's royal secretary, and if he reported them to the king, they would face dire consequences. There was nothing to gain from angering him.
San turned his gaze to you, his eyes softening. "Are you okay?" he asked gently, his voice a stark contrast to the harsh tone he had just used.
Instead of a grateful nod like he had expected, you met him with a darkened expression. Taking deep breaths, you tried to hold back your tears and calm yourself down. When you remained silent, glaring at him, he sighed. "Was that too much? I—I'm sorry, I know you can defend yourself, but I just—"
You cut him off, speaking in a low voice, "This is all your fault, Choi San."
He froze, his heart clenching painfully at the last words he expected to hear from you. You continued, harshly wiping away stray tears with your sleeves, "If only you'd just leave me alone like I asked from the beginning… I've been bullied all my life, but the usual nonsense I could endure. Not once—never—had anyone ever implied something like that," you whispered the last part. "And it's all because of you. Haven't you done enough? If you truly want to help me, then please—god—please, just leave me alone."
With that, you walked out of the institution, leaving him reeling in shock and hurt at your words. This was not how he had imagined things would turn out.
San finally realised that maybe his sister had been right. If distancing himself would make you happier, he’d do it, even if it meant suffering from being away from you. From that day onwards, he would make sure to keep his distance, honouring your wish.
You went to your younger brother’s school that evening and were surprised to hear that he had already been picked up. Panicking, you rushed home and were relieved to see Siwoo safely at the entrance, waiting with your worried mother. He clung tightly to you as you stroked his hair.
"Who brought you home?" you asked softly.
He sniffled, "Sannie hyung-nim… he promised he’d bring you home, but he lied. You came home alone."
You sighed, holding the child closer as guilt slowly crept into your heart. "He didn’t lie, Siwoo-yah. He did come to me, but I was the one who left him."
Your mother watched you with concern, her eyes reflecting relief and confusion. She reached out, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. "What happened, dear?"
You hesitated, the weight of the day's events pressing down on you. "I— I just... he won't bother us again, mother. I made sure of that."
Siwoo looked up at you, his eyes wide with innocence and confusion. "But why, noona? He was so nice to us."
Tears threatened to spill from your eyes as you hugged your brother tighter. "It will protect us. It will make things easier."
You were aware that you were trying to convince yourself more than anyone else. But you would rather die than admit it. You were Scholar Moon, the first female scholar in Joseon, and you didn't need a man to survive. You never did, and you never would. Choi San was merely a hindrance, but he was now in the past. Things would finally return to normal. You would excel in your exams and fulfil your dreams. Everything would be fine.
Or would it really?
Days following that proved much harder than anticipated. The royal secretary had indeed left you alone, as you'd requested. While you should have been glad, a part of you felt irritated by his obedience. You resented that he hadn't fought harder, but you knew you had no one to blame but yourself. You felt difficult to deal with. Surely, a man as good as Choi San deserved someone better than you. He had gone above and beyond to help you for the past few months, yet all you gave him in return were harsh words you... likely didn't mean at all.
Wait, what even are these thoughts? None of that should matter; it's all in the past. You needed to focus on your studies.
With a massage of your temples, you attempted to reread the same sentence you had been struggling with for the past hour. However, endless thoughts of that stupid man kept resurfacing, haunting you and weighing heavy on your heart with an unpleasant feeling you wished would disappear. God, did you hate him. Why was he so annoying even when he wasn't around?
You hated how he consumed your thoughts.
Everywhere you turned in the palace, he lingered in your mind. Each time you picked up your brother, he intruded into your thoughts, and even passing by your educational institution's entrance reminded you of him. What was wrong with you? What had he done to you? You were fine before meeting him, and you would be fine now. You kept repeating this to yourself, but all resolve crumbled when you saw him approaching one morning in the palace. It was the first time seeing him since that day—the day you'd uttered those cruel words to him.
You froze, clutching your books tightly to your chest, bracing yourself for whatever words or actions he might deliver. However, your heart sank when he simply passed by with a respectful nod. Why did that sting so much? You had brought this upon yourself. The urge to chase after him was overwhelming, and you squeezed your eyes shut to suppress the longing.
Pull yourself together, this is for the best.
You didn't need him.
Or did you?
Why does it hurt so much?
The atmosphere between you and the royal secretary had shifted, turning awkward and strained. Everyone in the palace could sense the change, the tension that now defined your interactions—or rather, the lack thereof. The once easy camaraderie had vanished, replaced by uncomfortable silences and fleeting, cautious glances. It wasn't long before word reached Namgil, who seized the opportunity to make your life even more miserable. The bullying intensified, but you endured it all, determined to pass your final exam without incident.
Time flew by, even as you suffered.
You buried yourself in your studies, hoping to push him out of your mind. Every page you turned, every line you read, was an attempt to forget the way he made you feel. The palace corridors, once filled with the warmth of his ever-comforting presence, now echoed with your lonely footsteps and the quiet rustle of your books.
Days turned into weeks, and before you knew it, your final examination was approaching. The weight of the upcoming test pressed down on you, but it was a welcome distraction from the pain in your heart. You could still see him in the palace, still catch glimpses of his familiar figure in the distance, but the gap between you felt insurmountable.
On the eve of your exam, you found yourself in the palace library, surrounded by stacks of books and scrolls. The dim light of the lantern cast long shadows across the room, mirroring the shadows in your heart. You took a deep breath, trying to calm your racing thoughts.
Then, without warning, the door creaked open, and there he was. San, standing in the doorway, looking just as conflicted as you felt. Your heart skipped a beat, and for a moment, neither of you moved.
"Scholar Moon," he finally said, his voice low and hesitant. "I heard your final exam is tomorrow. I wanted to wish you luck."
You nodded, trying to keep your voice steady. "Thank you, Royal Secretary Choi."
He took a step closer, his eyes searching yours. "I know you asked me to leave you alone, but I just want you to know that I believe in you. You are more than capable of achieving your dreams."
Tears threatened to well up in your eyes, but you blinked them away. "I appreciate that," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper.
For a moment, it seemed like he might say more, but then he simply nodded and turned to leave. As the door closed behind him, you felt a pang of regret. You had to fight everything in you to resist running after him, holding onto him, telling him how much you regretted everything, how wrong you had been, how much you… missed him.
No, stop it.
You took a deep breath and returned to your books, knowing that tomorrow's exam was the key to your future. You had to stay focused. You had to succeed, even if it meant pushing aside the feelings you couldn't quite shake.
The next morning, your mother smoothed your robes as you prepared to leave for the palace where the final examination would take place. Her hands were gentle, but the pride in her eyes was unmistakable.
"This is it," she whispered, a soft smile on her face. "All your hard work will pay off today. You will finally be someone in this land. The first female scholar-official in Joseon."
You nodded, taking a deep breath to steady your nerves. Today was the day you had worked so tirelessly for. Today, you would prove yourself.
"You look beautiful, noona!" Siwoo cheered, his excitement contagious.
You smiled down at your little brother, ruffling his hair. "Thank you, Siwoo-yah. I'll make you proud."
As you stepped outside, the morning sun casting a golden hue over the palace grounds, you felt a surge of determination. You wouldn't have time to think about a certain annoying man who had been invading your thoughts more than you cared to admit. You wouldn't let the memory of Choi San torment you more than Namgil and his friends ever could.
With each step towards the examination hall, you reminded yourself of your goals. You were Scholar Moon, the first female scholar in Joseon. You were about to make history.
As you entered the courtyard, the confident bounce in your step reflected the culmination of years of hard work and determination. You were oblivious to the devious grins Namgil and a few other scholars exchanged as their gazes followed your figure.
"There she is," Namgil sneered, nodding toward the bridge above the large pond that everyone would later cross to reach the examination hall. A wicked idea formed in his mind. "Remind me, boys. It would be impossible for someone with drenched clothes to participate in the final examination, is that correct?"
They snickered, immediately understanding his implication. "Yes, I think that is right."
You moved through the crowd, nodding to a few familiar faces, your mind already focused on the examination ahead. You had no idea that behind you, Namgil and his cronies were plotting to ruin everything you had worked all your life for.
As the time approached for the scholars to cross the bridge and enter the hall, you took a deep breath, steeling yourself for the challenge ahead. This was your moment, and nothing would stand in your way.
Or so you thought.
As you stepped onto the bridge, Namgil and his cronies moved into position. With a quick, coordinated push, you were sent plummeting into the pond below. The cold water enveloped you, and panic set in immediately. You flailed, trying to keep your head above water, but it was futile. "H-help! Please!"
Laughter erupted from above. Namgil and his friends stood at the edge of the bridge, their mocking laughter ringing in your ears.
"Oops! Looks like Scholar Moon won't be making history today," Namgil taunted, his voice dripping with malice.
"I... c-can't swim..."
Everyone froze, the courtyard falling silent as your bully's laughter ceased. The realisation hit them like a ton of bricks: the pond was much deeper than they had anticipated, and you couldn't swim. Your desperate cries for help echoed in the sudden stillness, turning their malicious prank into a potential tragedy.
Panic spread among the scholars as they realised what they had done. What began as sabotage could now be seen as attempted murder, and their futures hung in the balance. Namgil's face drained of colour as he watched you struggle, knowing full well the consequences of their actions.
Fortunately for you, and unfortunately for them, San happened to be dropping by to observe the examination. His heart plummeted at the sight before him. Without a second thought, he pushed through the panicked crowd of useless men and plunged into the pond, desperate to save you.
His strong arms wrapped around you, pulling you up from the depths. He swam with determined strokes, bringing you to the safety of the pond's edge. As he hoisted you onto solid ground, he checked for signs of life, his own breath coming in ragged gasps from the effort and fear.
You coughed and sputtered, expelling water from your lungs as you gasped for air. San's relieved expression melted into one of fierce protectiveness and anger. He turned to face the group of terrified scholars, his eyes blazing with fury.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded, his voice a low growl. "Do you have any idea what you almost did?"
Namgil and his friends could only stammer incoherent excuses, their earlier bravado replaced by sheer terror. The royal secretary's intervention had saved you, but it had also sealed their fate.
A few examiners rushed out just in time to witness the chaos, their expressions darkening at the sight of the guilty, terrified faces of Namgil and his cronies. Realising the gravity of their actions, the bullies pleaded for mercy as they were escorted away to face the consequences.
The royal secretary turned toward you, gently brushing aside the damp strands of hair that clung to your face, his touch tender. "Are you okay?" he asked softly, his concern evident in his expression.
Your lips quivered at the tenderness in his voice and the worry etched on his face. He was the first and only man to care so deeply for you, and you couldn't fathom how you had repeatedly pushed him away. But now, tired of denying your feelings, you couldn't hold back the tears that welled up in your eyes. With a broken sob, you shook your head. "No… I'm not," you whimpered, wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your face in his shoulder.
He hesitated for a moment, startled by your sudden embrace, before returning it, enveloping you in his arms. "What's wrong? Tell me," he murmured, his voice laced with concern.
You sobbed harder, weakly hitting him. "It's you… y-you're so annoying, you know that? I hate it so much… hate that I love you."
He pulled back, wide-eyed, holding your shoulders at arm's length as he gazed into your tear-filled eyes. "Wh-what did you say…? This isn't a dream, is it?"
Through your tears, you chuckled at his reaction. "I finally muster the courage to confess to you, and that's your response?"
His smile broke through, the one you adored so much, the one where his eyes disappeared into slits, bringing warmth and comfort no matter how hard things got. Pulling you back into his arms, he stroked the back of your head. "I love you too..."
"How's your first day as a Scholar-Official, Moon?" inquired the royal secretary as you grinned at him. "It's going well, Royal Secretary Choi. Thank you for asking."
After he assisted you in petitioning His Majesty for another chance at your final examination, arguing that you were merely a victim of foul play, you were granted the opportunity. As anticipated, you passed with flying colours, ranking at the top of the batch. Finally, you held the prestigious title of scholar-official.
However, that wasn't the only change in your life. Choi San openly courted you, much to the king's approval, solidifying your status as a formidable power couple.
Leaning down to plant a kiss on your forehead, he smiled, "I'll see you after work."
You blushed and gently pushed him away. "Not here, please. But yes, I'll see you later."
As you left the palace after your day's work, you spotted a familiar face. Smiling, you greeted her, but your steps faltered when she bowed respectfully.
"Hi there. I remember you," you said, trying to recall where you had met her before.
She grinned knowingly. "Yes, it's good to see you again, Scholar-Official Moon. I suppose you believe my words about the royal secretary now, don't you? After all, you and he are the talk of the palace."
Your cheeks flushed, recalling that she had been the court lady to disclose San's identity during your initial encounter. You nodded awkwardly, trying to recover from your embarrassment.
She chuckled softly. "Well then, don't let me keep you. Royal Secretary Choi is waiting for you by the entrance."
Your heart soared at the sight of San standing by the entrance, just as the court lady had claimed. He was waiting for you, and the realisation filled you with an indescribable warmth. This wasn't just any man; this was your man. Yours alone. The sight of him, tall, handsome, kind, and caring, reaffirmed your feelings.
Without a second thought, you ran over, calling out, "Sannie!" He turned towards you, his face lighting up with that beam that never failed to make your heart race. His arms opened wide, and you leapt into them, feeling a rush of joy at being in his embrace.
"I missed you, honey," he whispered, his voice filled with affection.
You pressed your lips against his, relishing the moment as his response came swiftly, his kiss soft and reassuring. Pulling back slightly, a smile played on your lips, your heart dancing with joy. "I missed you too, my big baby," you teased.
"Come on, remember you wanted to learn more about my past?" you said, chuckling at the pout on his face as you pulled away.
He nodded eagerly, and you took his hand, leading him towards a place you hadn't visited in a long time.
"So, this was the root of your hatred for men…" he murmured, his gaze fixed on your father's grave as you stood beside him. You had just finished recounting everything that had transpired, from the beginning of your existence to the hardships you endured to reach where you are today.
"Yes, but you showed me that not all men are the same," you replied softly, your voice tinged with gratitude.
He gently squeezed your hands, turning to face you with a serious expression. "And I won't stop showing you. I promise I'll be different from your father and every other man you've encountered. I'll protect you and your family as if they were my own. I'll strive to be the best husband to you and father to our future child. You'll never have to suffer alone again. I'm here for you," he whispered, his forehead resting against yours.
You chuckled softly through your tears, nodding in response. "That's amusing… I don't recall agreeing to be your wife just yet. What are you talking about, Choi San?"
He let out a playful whine, "Hey! You—wait... you said 'yet' though, so that means... you will eventually, right?" he asked hopefully.
Teasingly, you stuck your tongue out at him before turning and running away. But deep down, you knew that no matter how far you went, he would always be there to catch you.
Of course, you idiot.
Holy crap, I was gone for like 2 weeks and I return to 1.85k+ followers?! ASDFGHJKL thank you all so much😭
Anyway, I hope this was decent, y'all... I swear, I didn't plan for this part to be so freaking long HAHA but I just felt like it would take quite a bit for her hatred to turn into love hehe I hope the ending didn't feel rushed or anything :3
As always, thank you for reading and let me know your thoughts! ❤️
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#edenesth#the way to this heart#love to hate you#twthh spinoff#ateez#ateez fanfic#ateez fanfiction#choi san#ateez san#historical au#joseon era#choi san x reader#choi san x you#ateez fic
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♰ ᗪEᔕTᖇOY ᗰE ♰
♰ Pairing: dom!energy vampire!yunho x sub!chubby!fem!human!reader
♰ Genre: smut/angst/vampire au/horror
♰ Summary: Life as a human pet to your vampire master means that feeding time is always a special occasion but you've been acting particularly bratty lately so your owner decides to make tonight's dinner one you won't soon forget.
♰ Word Count: 1.5k-ish
♰ Warnings: Yunho's your master so you call him that, he's also feral for you, pet names (my pet, princess, good girl, little human, etc), not so pet names (you get called a fuck toy and a whore. fun times), a sprinkle of degradation if you squint, he's literally draining you of your life force, bondage, strong language, dirty talk, body suspension, unprotected sex, creampie, a lil cum play, blink & you miss it breeding kink, reader's ultra wet, sub space, nipple play, tit sucking, edging, fingering, vaginal penetration w/ vibrator, major Yunie hand kink, rough/deep sex, he also kinda overdoes it on the feeding and thinks he killed you but girl you're fine.
♰ A/N: I'm a horror whore so honestly this is roughly 1.5k worth of vampire smut that exists for the sole reason that I wanna bang vampires and apparently I wanna bang Yunho too. Someone confiscate my laptop ASAP so I can stop being so unhinged. Thanks xoxo ♡
Your master’s favorite room in this sprawling gothic manor you’ve come to call home will always and forever be the dining room...
A dining room that only qualifies as one by way of being a place in which he consumes his food. Between these four walls, upholstered in dark scarlet velvet, you’ll find no table and chair set. No wholesome family photos adorning the walls. No plates or forks or spoons.
Though there may be the occasional knife depending on what your master’s in the mood for. But tonight it isn’t about the blood—something he draws from you on only the rarest of occasions. Tonight it’s about feasting on your energy, devouring the very essence of your soul, and the room is brimming with it.
Ornate light fixtures in each corner illuminate the darkness in an erotic red that seems to pulse around the center of the room where you dangle 4ft from the ground, suspended only by the intricately knotted rope your master’s decorated your naked body in. At your feet a tall figure looms, his presence dominant and imposing. He watches you intently, admiring the meal laid out before him.
You’ve pinned your hair up for him, making it perfect for tugging should you require any disciplinary measures. Your makeup is simple yet alluring, highlighting your features without overpowering them. The rope fashioned around your chest is a corset of sorts that binds your arms behind you, curving back around your breasts to lay them bare for him to see.
Your plush thighs are spread giving him a direct view of the vibrator humming away in your dripping core. The room is silent besides this and, of course, your mindless whimpering. You aren’t allowed to speak, you know better than to disobey this rule, but you can make all the noise you want as long as you control your volume. But that’s so hard isn’t it? When your master’s been edging you for this long—much longer than your ruined little brain can remember—it’s easy to lose control.
“My pet isn’t forgetting her manners, is she?” Yunho asks, stepping between your legs. Hands gloved in black leather stroke the ropes extending from your ankles up to the ceiling, the vibration of your trembling body quaking through his own. You can see him better now, your handsomely dressed master feasting upon you with those shimmering sapphire pools he calls eyes. All you want in this realm is to be good for him. To be rewarded with his love, his praise, and his touch.
Reaching between your thighs, Yunho spreads the petal soft folds of your pussy, sliding the hood of your clit back to expose the sensitive bundle of nerves. He brushes it with his thumb and your body rushes with a heat that radiates onto him like the rays of the sun.
“Mmm, you feed your master so well” he hums, licking his lips, salivating, “Such a sensitive little cunt.”
Biting down on your bottom lip, you choke your moans down deep in your throat, your stomach tightening at the stimulation. You raise your hips, desperate to truly feel his touch but the gloves won’t let you. That is the mortal torture of this night.
All week you’ve been acting like a brat, disobeying his orders and throwing tantrums to get his attention. You understand how powerful Yunho is, how important his duties to the vampire council are, but he’s been far busier than usual lately and all those long nights home alone became unbearable.
Yunho can tell how much you’ve missed him by how tightly your pussy clings around the vibrator. “Look at her, so greedy. I really have neglected her. Forgive me, little one” he coos, pushing it into you until your eyes are watering and your head’s thrown back in ecstasy.
Yunho slips the vibrator out at an agonizingly slow pace, stopping at the tip. He groans in delight at the unique taste of the energy you give off as he rotates it in small circles.
“You love when your master punishes you, hmm? Like having this gorgeous pussy tortured until you can’t take it?” he grins, stretching you wide to watch your juices drip to the floor. “That is why you’ve been acting up, isn’t it?”
You respond with broken, honeyed moans and drawn out breaths. Yunho’s draining you, your essence flowing from you like a fountain that feels deceivingly good as it leaves your body. Yunho’s eyes travel up your figure, stopping every now and again to lust after the tender flesh peaking through the ropes. His gaze settles where your breasts bounce against your chest, the rope pushing them up in such a way that your stiffened nipples are begging for his attention.
Yunho leans in, applying delicate kitten licks to your nipple, and hears how frantically your heart beats in your chest. “No coming yet, little one” he hums, taking more of your pillowy breast into his mouth. The bud hardens more against the texture of his tongue and Yunho takes it between his teeth, pinching it just to watch you squirm.
He shoves the vibrator back into you, angling it against your sweet spot, “That’s it, mmph, shit, keep feeding me. Give it all to me.”
The room begins to darken, the minimal lighting doing nothing to keep you from drifting into the shadows. Your bindings seem to fall away and with it the limits of your mortal form. You’re left floating in a space too euphoric for words, completely at Yunho’s mercy.
Yunho raises his head, your spit drenched nipple suctioned between his lips, and finds himself spellbound by your beauty. You are a work of art unable to be replicated by any other woman, human or otherwise, and you’re his. Forever his. Just knowing his claim to you is eternal makes his hunger for you reach ravenous heights and he’s baring his fangs, tearing his gloves off to feel your bare body in his palms.
Tossing the vibrator aside, he frees his cock from the dress pants it was nearly tearing through to get to you. With one thrust he’s buried within your walls, rolling his hips to feel the delicious ridges of your pussy around him. Your body tenses, unintentionally causing you to pull away, but he won’t let you get away that easily.
“You know the rules, pet. No running” he growls, grabbing your hips and slamming you back down onto him, “You’ll be a good little human whore and, ah, take my cock like the fuck toy that you are.” Keeping one hand at your waist, his other hand ventures around you activating every pleasure point.
Your body reacts with maddening excitement to the worship being poured into you by those large, marvelously veined hands. They're like magic, tiny sparks of electricity dancing along your skin at every brush of his fingers. Lacing his long fingers around the back of your neck, he licks the delectable tears streaming down your cheeks.
"Say my name" he whispers, fangs skimming your jawline, "And maybe I'll take mercy on you."
The next moan that escapes you is more fractured than the others as your orgasm tears you to pieces. You repeat his name over and over, “Yunho. Yunho. Yun…”
“No, no, that won't do. Louder. Scream it" he commands and you obey, screaming your throat raw with his name all over your tongue.
Yunho stills his movements, groaning as you ride him in midair, his cock glistening in your slick. You’re coming for what feels like an eternity when your lower belly swells full with his seed, warm and satisfying. When Yunho pulls back it’s overflowing, trickling from your core and down your immaculate ass. He takes two fingers, gathering his come and feeding it back into you, “You did well, my pet. I’m so proud of you.“
Gradually you come back from that otherworldly place, your awareness of your body returning little by little. Opening your eyes you realize that you aren’t strung up in the dining room anymore. Instead you’re submerged in water of some sort, a floral scent filling your nostrils. You wiggle your toes and they swish around in the water, bubbles dancing on the tips of them. Your vision balances out and you let out a sigh of relief at the familiar sight of your bathroom.
“Thank hell you’re up” Yunho cheers from behind you in the tub, wrapping you in the tightest hug. “I must’ve fed too much. I’m so sorry, princess. I could’ve killed you. I don’t know what I’d do if…”
“Master, I’m fine, really.” you swear, lighting up at the sloppy kisses he plants on your cheek. “I may not be like you but I’m still strong.”
Yunho rests a hand on your chest, his fingers making figure eights on your collarbone. “That you are. My strong, beautiful little human. I’m so sorry I neglected you,” he apologizes, hoping with all his heart that you believe him. “Your master loves you, you trust that don't you?”
You nod, smiling back at him, feeling safe and cared for in his embrace. “And my master is loved.”
#ateez x you#ateez x reader#ateez smut#ateez au#yunho smut#yunho x you#yunho x reader#yunho angst#ateez angst#ateez x female reader#ateez x chubby reader#chubby reader#plus size reader
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Guileless
No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.
Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon, manipulation, dejection, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.
This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: The reader attempts to move past her ruination, but is reminded of her tarnish conscience at every turn. (Regency AU, tall!reader)
Masterlist
Character: Steve Rogers, Thor Odinson
Note: thanks to those who waited on this one!.
As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3
Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)
Love you like I love coffee and that’s a lot and probably unhealthy. Take care. 💖
It should be the happiest time in your life. You should be elated, and yet, as ever it is, every victory precedes a treacherous defeat. A proposal one day, and despair the next. That nipping of doom in your gut, that ever present doubt, is made certain by the passage of time. It has been much too long.
You sit in the pews, throat tight as you keep your chin locked. You breathe slowly, as if too sudden an intake might unleash the tempest brewing inside of you. It is more than nerves, you know it, that sicken you so. You should be happy for your pending nuptials but you are only horrified at the thought.
The bishop reads out the banns before the rows; the first for yourself, the third for your sister. She will be permitted to wed and your mother has presided over much of planning already. You dip your head as your name rings out beside Lord Odinson’s and you swallow back a swell of bile. You’ve been gulping down your own stomach for much of the morning, ever since you caught a whiff of pickled shallots in passing the kitchens.
You push your head up and your hand down to your lap, knowing you will be observed. You must at least look certain of your fate. You must sit proud for the engagement all would put into question. For the time until it shall all dissolve, you must play your part.
You can barely keep from wilting where you are. A prudent woman might bite her tongue. She may commit to the theatre of it all. She might lie and get away with the folly. You glance over at Lord Odinson, just across the aisle, and you know you cannot. It isn’t one lie, it’s a lifetimes’ worth of betrayal.
Yet how should you tell it? It isn’t only him who must know. Your father would need good reason why you’d rather the convent to a proper marriage. You will be ruined but you could not put that stain upon the only person who was ever kind to you. Lord Odinson deserves an honest wife and a child of his own.
Your insides sour and you nearly spasm as you fight the tide of nausea, brought upon by more than your forsaken condition. Your eyes trail away from your betrothed to another man bound in promise. Lord Rogers sits with your sister, as ever, and she leans on him shamelessly, even beneath the Lord’s rafters.
She would deny it. She would laugh in your face should you ever reveal the absolute truth. No, you must confess the sin as your own and that alone. You will not name the culprit for they would they never believe you and he would never admit it himself.
Yet, you know that the Duke Rogers will ever be triumphant in knowing that he has brought the monstrous giant to her knees. You are his Goliath, the vile retched creature he has slain in his valour. He will be hero and you be the villain.
💟
You hand the letter to the carrier just before noon. You don’t expect an audience to be granted until the next morning at earliest. Lord Odinson is a busy man; an ambassador in much demand between the house and society. Even his betrothed must request his presence.
The cart rattles through the gates and you watch it fade off into the grim horizon. The winter bites in the air, adding to the chill in your bones. That coldness that freeze over your heart. You must be strong now, as strong as the valkyrie he misnamed you as.
When you go to Lord Odinson, you will bring the crown to him. You will hand it back and admit your tainted stature to him. You will show him how truly small you are.
At least, that is what you intend. You may prove yourself weak as ever. However it should unfold, this engagement cannot persist.
“A day! A day and I shall call you husband,” Cora’s shrill tone greets you as you come through the front doors. She is in the sitting room with Lord Rogers. Your mother continues to fawn over the last-minute details for their wedding. “Isn’t it very exciting, my lord?”
“And I shall call you wife.”
“And Duchess,” she preens with a trilling laugh, “oh, how elaborate I shall be.”
“My Athena,” Rogers drones back, “my goddess, my beloved.”
“Oh, how darling,” your mother preens over them, “it shall be resplendent. I’ve made certain the cake will be exactly as you like it, dearie. The cook has even procured some citrus for the lemonade.”
The mention of lemonade makes you shrivel. You recall the sunny day when Lord Rogers spoke to you over a weeping beverage. As you fell for that virulent charm. And all that came after.
You peer at the grim windows and frown. How everything does change so quickly. Happiness is fleeting and yet disappointment comes as a chronic plight. You will never know a day without shame.
You flit off without notice. Your heart rents at the thought that you will not have the same fervour. You will not sit and plan your own wedding with Lord Odinson. All your fanciful dreams have evaporated. It is one thing to put a mask on, to pretend as virgin, but you could never foist a bastard upon the kind man who has shown you a taste happiness. You will be certain to thank him for all he’s done but you will not spit in his face.
As you get to the bedroom doors, your stomach churns violently and you burst through, not stopping as you rush to the pot and fall to your knees. You wretch into it as your body contracts painfully. You empty your stomach until you are panting and hollow.
“Sister,” Alina startles you as she rolls to the edge of the bed, a novel in hand, “is it a winter ague?”
“I...” you shakily wipe your mouth with the back of your hand, “I believe so.”
That lie alone singes your tongue like a brand. Your eyes well with tears and you flick them away with your lashes. You sit back on your heels and heave out a pungent breath.
“Oh, how awful, and just before the wedding,” she sits up and shuts the novel. “Let us pray it passes quickly. You needn’t delay your own nuptials.”
“Mm, no, that wouldn’t be...” you let the sentence tail off and you stand, taking the pot with you, “I’ll dump it before it can stink.”
“If you are unwell, call for the maid.”
“No, it is fine,” you insist, “I didn’t mean to disturb your reading.”
“You didn’t,” she insists. “What’s the matter, sissie? You hardly seem a lady about to marry.”
“I...” you croak, “it is the ague, that’s all.”
“Mm, perhaps Lord Odinson might offer some comfort should it get any worse. He does seem the character,” she offers.
“Or perhaps he is better to stay away. You as well, should it pass onto anyone else,” you hold the pot to your stomach and turn, carrying it out without another word. Albina huffs and falls back onto the bed, the flutter of pages following shortly after.
You descend and keep along the wall, passing through the kitchens and beyond the servants’ quarters to the rear of the manse. You come out into the crisp air and overturn the pot well away from the house. A wave of dizziness washes over you, silver spots dotting your vision. Perhaps it is an ague. Oh how you wish it were.
You set the pot down as you grasp at some stability. You stand and wipe your clammy forehead. Your hand drifts down to your bodice and you let it venture further. You try to feel your stomach through the layers. It is tauter than it once was but no rounder. Not as yet.
You sit on a low stump, the seat the stabler uses to shoe the horses. You let the frigid air seep through your dress and stare at the grey clouds that blot out the sun. You hold your chin, elbows on your legs, hunched over as you let the stagnancy of that moment swallow you.
For a moment, you believe that you can make time stand still. That you might stretch on this fantasy a little longer. That a single second might be spent into an eternity. You shake your head and close your eyes as your cheeks tingle with the cold.
You try to picture the convent. You imagine dark halls and darker mornings. Prayers and repentance filling the days and keeping wakeless the nights. Would the nuns even accept a ruined soul like yours?
“Miss,” Mary, the broom girl, stands along the path back to the house, “you have a caller.”
You sit up and blink, a caller? How long have you been there? You shiver and rise, towering over the young servant like the mottled forest creature of wives tales. You nod and stride past her, rubbing your arms to warm yourself as you return to the house.
It cannot be him. Not already. You’re not prepared. It has been all you can think of and yet you are wholly unready for it.
You carry on inside and come into the main hall. Lord Odinson waits, your mother chittering at his elbow as Lord Rogers and Cora stand in the archway to the west wing.
“You will be at the wedding tomorrow? We did not receive your response sir,” your mother pleads as she tugs his sleeve.
“Ah, yes, did I not give it?” Odinson says coolly, “certainly I will come with some Asgardian ale to christen the blissful newlyweds.”
“And we thank you for such generosity,” Cora coos.
“I’m certain refreshments will be plenty,” Lord Rogers deflects.
“Ah,” Lord Odinson’s attention is drawn by your emergence from behind the staircase, “my valkyrie, you called for me and I am here.”
“I... you have come so... swiftly,” you remark, your voice teetering.
“Of course,” he assures as he crosses the polished floor, “as ever I will for my beloved.” He approaches and takes your hands in his, kissing your knuckles, “you are like ice,” he feels your hands and covers them with his gloved ones, “are you ill?”
“No, uh, yes, no,” you stammer, “sir, I only meant... I only thought to speak with you.”
“I do cherish the tenor of your sweet voice, lady, I would ride so fast as I might to hear it,” he assures.
“You rode... all this way, my lord?”
“I do prefer to be in a saddle,” he affirms, “so, shall we converse? Perhaps we might have some tea to warm you, my valkyrie.”
“Please,” you cringe, wishing he would quit his honeyed words, “I do not require it. Perhaps somewhere private...”
“With chaperone of course,” your mother insists. You blanch but do your best not to show your unease. “Pollo! Pollo!” She claps, “forgive me I will not be able to do so myself as I have much to attend to for the morrow, but we have a groom here... Pollo!”
She cries out and the dark-haired man appears. The old groom has a round belly and wine-reddened cheeks. He doesn’t speak more than Italian but he is steadfast in his service. Your mother bids him, pointing at you, then shoos him with a flick of her fingers.
He shrugs and bows his head, nearing you and the duke. You peer over at your sister and Lord Rogers as they watch. The former stares at your betrothed as he clings still to your hands and the latter narrows his eyes in your direction. Just the sight of him makes you even more sick than before. Of any, he cannot know though you expect should Cora find out, it will not be a secret.
“The sun room, perhaps,” Odinson suggests.
“As you wish,” you agree.
He offers his arms and you accept it. He guides you along, well-acquainted to the halls already, and takes you around to the sun room. The curtains are closed and the space is dim with the shadow of winter. The groom claims the armchair in the corner, making it groan with his weight, as another servant follows to light a lamp and put flint to the fireplace.
When all is lit, you detach from Odinson and retreat from him. You mash your hands together and sway, spinning back to face him as he watches you intently. He seems unbothered by the spontaneity of it all.
“You missed me? I have longed to see you again,” he beams.
“Please,” you show your palms, “please, I... we must speak.”
“Of? Name anything and it shall be yours. As my wife, you will never want for anything, valkyrie.”
You wince as if struck. You drop your arms and your head. You stalk over to the bench that looks toward the window and sit, slumped forward as you shake your head. He approaches as he lets out a long exhale. He sits beside you.
“Something is amiss. Forgive me for making light, I came upon mistaken sentiment,” his voice is grave, “you have something to say and I must listen. As ever, I am the storm but these winds have calmed.”
You rock and another hot tinge settles behind your eyes. You roll them up and sit straight. You crane to see over your shoulder. Rollo’s eyes are closed as he’s halfway to sleeping. It is propriety alone that has him sat in that chair.
You look ahead once more, “I cannot marry you.”
He sucks in air and snorts, “what?”
“I cannot—it cannot—I'm sorry, Lord Odinson.”
“Why ever should you change your mind? The banns are read and will be again,” he touches your arm and you shy away.
“You deserve... better.”
“I deserve you,” he insists.
“Please, sir, let me find the words,” you beg touch your temples as you try to rein in your wits. You close your eyes and shudder.
“You are cold still, perhaps you might move closer to the fire--”
“It hardly matters,” you lower your hands and clutch them tight.
You make yourself look at him. You must. He warrants at least the truth told to his face and not the floor. His blue eyes twinkle as his usually bright face is stern.
“I am...” you take a breath and struggle to let it back out as the words burn the tip of your tongue, “I... am with... child.”
You choke out the last word and nearly faint. You stare at him, waiting for him to explode. You mightn’t even have a say in who knows should he speak too loudly. His eyes search yours and he blinks. He turns his face down and looks at his lap, gripping his thighs as he nods and hums.
“That’s wonderful,” he says.
“Pardon?”
“Yes, it’s wonderful. We’ll have a child.”
“Sir, I—we haven’t... it is another man’s,” you feel as if you shouldn’t have to explain this.
“Why certainly he put it there, yes, but I would claim it,” he faces you again.
Your eyes round, “why should you do that? That isn’t... proper. I am not proper, sir. I am telling you that I have been... corrupted. I should never have said yes.”
“But you did.”
“You needn’t-- it isn’t fair.”
“Perhaps it isn’t fair that you should have to carry the cad’s seed,” he agrees, “for any many who would lay with a lady and not seek her hand, well, he can be nothing else.”
You’re quiet as disbelief clouds around you. He can’t possibly mean it. He must be in shock. Certainly, he wouldn’t just accept another’s child.
“Sir, you shouldn’t-- you shouldn’t do this. I am releasing you.”
“I don’t want to be released,” he says sullenly.
“Why? Why would you do this?” You ask.
“I meant all I said to you, from the first breath, my valkyrie,” he proclaims. “And I mean it still.”
“But, sir, you cannot—I cannot live with myself--”
“You are honourable. Honest. You have told me this when you did not need to. When you could’ve claimed an early birth, when you could have kept quiet, yet you did not. That says more than a fleeting tryst. For that’s what it was, yes? Or do you lay with this man still?”
You shake your head and look down at your fingers as you twists them until they hurt, “just once. Only once. It was... unplanned. It wasn’t...” your voice cracks.
His chest inflates with a sonorous breath, “did you want it?”
“Pardon?” You murmur.
“Unplanned... did you... was it... your tryst, was it willing?”
You put your fist to your mouth and sob. You can’t say it. You won’t. You replay it in your head every night and you think of how you told him to stop and yet you did not stop him. You should have fought more. You should have screamed.
“I didn’t make him stop,” you eke around your hand.
“Make him? Did you ask him to begin?”
“Please, sir, I cannot—please just end this and I will ask my father for the convent once more. I cannot bring this shame on you.”
“Shame? Shame is the man, if I should call him that, who has done this,” he snarls and reaches for you, taking your hand. “I swore you would be my wife and I will hold to that. As you swore to be my wife. We will see the altar together. As one.”
“You do not have to--”
“I want to,” he growls and you look up at his angry face. You’ve never seen such fury in him. “I have never done anything but by my own whim and will not change that now.”
“You are too nice, sir. Too nice, I cannot ask it--”
“Who?” He sneers.
“Sir?”
“Who has done this to you?”
“I cannot--”
“I should know.”
“No, please, I wouldn’t-- it would be my ruin--”
“No, it would be his and you protect him still, so tell me.”
“No, no I will not. That I cannot tell you, sir. To say it would defeat me completely.”
He sighs into a snarls and lowers his chin. He sounds like a simmering bull, readying for the charge. You tug on your hand but he will not release you. You relent and let him cling to you.
Silence, suffocating and still.
“My brother was an orphan. We took him in when he was young. He is a duke, same as me, now,” he declares as he squares his posture. “You wouldn’t know the difference. And I won’t. Not between this child and our next.”
“Sir, surely--”
“We are to have a child,” he says, “that is happy news and I thank you for bringing me here to hear it.” He pets your hand and leans his arm against yours. He brings your fingers up to your mouth and kisses them, “one day, I will know who the culprit is and on that, I will surely split his skull. Not for his bastard, for that child has no sin, but for your honour, lady. For my wife’s honour.”
💟
Cora’s wedding to Lord Rogers culminates in a grand luncheon. The bride is a beautiful mist of tears as she accepts the well wishes of her guests. She basks in the attention as you gladly languish in the shadows.
Despite Lord Odinson’s unexpected and reassuring reaction, you’re still uncertain. You don’t know if he’s keeping a good face on until he knows how to act, perhaps renegs his grace, or if you might come to pay for your discretion later in your union. You’re prepared to meet your atonement, however it comes.
As you sit for the meal, the chair beside you is claimed almost at once. Your betrothed has appeared throughout the event but you’ve hardly been at his side. Each time you see him, his eyes skim the crowd as if he can see right through every one of them. Yet, when he looks at you, you feel only warmth. You don’t understand how he can look at you as such.
“How do you fare, today, my valkyrie?” He asks as he straightens his cravat, “you look well.”
“Good, I think.”
“Glad to hear it,” he raises his glass for a servant to fill it with sherry. You opt for lemon water, as much as your tumultuous stomach can handle.
“I thought we might have our own reception at Nine Pillars,” he suggests.
“I would like that,” you agree, your eyes drifting beyond him, to your father’s gardens, where... “whatever you may offer, I will be grateful for.”
“Mighty valkyrie, full of grace,” he praises and reaches for a platter, “ooh, they have some sweet ham here with pineapple.”
He takes a helping and puts it on your plate. You smell the tangy fruit and the underline savoury waft of the meat. You lurch and grasp the edge of the table. You give a panicked look to Odinson as he peers down at the food. He switches your plates out swiftly.
“Tell me, what are you in the mind for then?” He leans in so his arm touches yours as you sip from the lemon water to quell your stomach. “Valkyrie, give me your command and I will obey.”
You give him a coy grin, “you can be so silly.”
“Silly. Mad. All for love,” he assures you.
“Is their anything dry?” You ask, “bread, perhaps.”
“Sourdough,” he reaches to take the basket as others help themselves to the spread.
“I’ll have some of that.”
“With marmalade?” He offers.
“No,” your face pinches at the thought, “no, bread will do.”
You blink and shake of another tide of sickness. As you do, your eyes meet another pair further down the table, amid the rabble of voices. Lord Rogers tilts his head as Cora tugs on his sleeve and giggles up at the couple behind them. He hardly seems to notice as he stares you down.
You go rigid and quickly look away. You touch Odinson’s arm to keep from panicking. He looks at you, then down the table. He doesn’t say anything, merely carves off a chunk of bread for you.
You pick away at the hard crust and the dry spongey inside. You take small bites, cautious of upsetting your volatile stomach. The afternoon wears on, course after course, and you avoid those dishes which threaten to overthrow your restraint.
At last, the cake is serves, a tiered sponge with cream and fruit and candied sugar spun in a facsimile fountain atop it. It’s splended and beautiful. The couple are served first as they smiles in delight. The doling out of servings takes some time as guests wait patiently for their turn and the cake is pushed on a cart from chair to chair.
When it comes your turn, your name rises over the crowd. You sit up and glance over, relieved at least not to watch the layers of custard and cake hit your plate. Lord Rogers has his hand on the back of his wife’s chair.
“And how do you like the dessert? I believe you’ve been saving space for it all day, eh?” He chirps.
You angle your head in confusion. You look down then at Odinson who sits a little taller as he leans forward.
“You’ve hardly indulged, so I hope you might show your support and delight in this delectable dessert,” Rogers taunts. “A wedding is no place for a sour face.”
Your lips part. You’re stunned. How could he be so bold as to call you out? Among all his guests and he must torment you. Was one night not enough. Your whole life as his violation thrives within your womb. Lord Odinson subtly touches your elbows.
“I am most happy for you and my sister,” you rebuff, “and you are correct, I’ve been in much anticipation for dessert.”
You take your fork and scoop up a heaping mouthful. You smile at it even as your insides rage. You make yourself taste it. It’s so sweet and smooth and wonderful, but your stomach mulches as if it is rubbish. Your cheeks tremble and you swallow, nearly gagging.
“To you, sir, and my sister, Cora, I wish a happy marriage,” you force out as you hide your mouth behind a handkerchief.
“To the happy couple,” Lord Odinson raises his glass and the table erupts, at once, the attention shifted back to them.
You brace his arm and squeeze. You fight but you cannot withhold the uproar within. You stand and rush away, frantically searching for somewhere to hide and spew your guts.
💟
The days overcome your doubts. The weeks come with more affectations; your sickness ebbs and flows and the temperature feels at times hotter then colder, swaying back forth, while some moments you spend with a throbbing head and pulsing feet. The most obvious symptom of your condition is the tightness of your stay. Soon, you will be showing more than you like, but for now, loosened laces can ease your discomfort.
Your wedding day fast approaches. Time does seem to defy any human whim. You wish it would slow so you could catch your breath. Much like your husband-to-be who has yet to falter in his affections.
You sit before the mirror with the grown of silver petals in your lap. There is one still bent from Cora’s envy but you will keep it to the back of your head. You will wear it as proudly as that night Lord Odinson gifted it to you. You hope for the day you might both forget all else.
If it is to be. If he is at the altar waiting still.
Albina and Hannah take the crown from you and secure it among your styled locks. Albina smiles at your reflection as Hannah jabs you with a pin. You nervously wring your hands as you admire the lavender shade of your gown. You wish you’d had more of it, that you hadn’t needed to trim it in ivory to make up for your height. Still, it is beautiful and the nicest dress you’ve ever worn.
“Are you nervous?” Albina asks.
“Suppose,” you admit and lift your chin, “very, truly.” Though not for the reason she might think.
“Lord Odinson is kind. He should be gentle,” Hannah says.
Your cheeks tinge at her suggestion, “sister.”
“Well, it is what we are all thinking, isn’t it?” She shrugs.
“I hope I do not find a husband so soon,” Albina adds, “I would like to enjoy my books a little longer.”
“You might take on the spinster’s mantel then,” Hannah snipes.
“It shouldn’t be so bad,” you murmur. “Every woman must do it. Eventually. It cannot be so horrible.”
You lower your head again, trying to hide the emotion battling in your chest. It was bad, that first time. Lord Rogers hadn’t been kind at all. Would Lord Odinson be any different? For Rogers seemed kind at first glance only to be cruel upon touch.
What if you husband did not want to meet his duty? What if he could not knowing you had lain with another? You would not blame him and without consummation, he might still turn you away.
“Cora said it was more painful than anything she’s ever felt,” Hannah undercuts your dread. “Though she still loves her husband well.”
“You shouldn’t speak of that,” you gird.
“Why not? Won’t you tell us how it is so we may be ready?” She challenges.
“I... I... It’s rather strange to speak of it.”
“You are strange,” Hannah retorts with a huff.
“But pretty,” Albina chimes, “look at you, sissie. You truly look like a queen in that crown.”
You meet the gaze of your reflection. You do look better than you ever have before. You wonder if they notice the new fullness in your cheeks. If they do, they don’t mention it. You take a deep breath.
“I shouldn’t keep them waiting any longer,” you stand.
If you wait any longer, you might lose your nerve.
The bishop waits in the grand hall of Nine Pillars as you emerge from the rooms allotted for your preparations. The crowd stands among the columns and hushes as you appear at the end of the hall. You face the clergy man and for an instant, your heart dangles precariously, ready to plummet.
Where is Lord Odinson?
His golden head pops up beside the bishop and he fixes the flower tucked into his lapel. His long blond hair is draw back as a scarlet bow holds it back, its ears peeking out behind his nape. He is smiling as he pauses and his eyes meet yours across the space.
You can see even from there how his features slacken and for a moment, you are breathless. He looks as stricken. You put one foot down and let your long legs carry you.
All your doubts float away. The faces around you haze together and the world crumbles to dust. It's only you and that man.
💟
The ceremony gives way to a soiree, bodies clustered together, partners dancing, and you among them. Your husband, a husband, has your hand in his as he leads you in the steps. This man, this wonderful forgiving man you vowed yourself too nearly sweeps you off your feet, a sensation you've never known before.
Your cheer blooms from you as his cheeks flush in his excess. He barely pauses to receive kind words from his guest. His elation is contagious. It gives no way to your fears.
"Do you know what I thought upon the altar, beautiful valkyrie," he purrs, "I nearly fell upon my knees even."
"What?" You smile, glowing up at him.
"That the gods did bless me. That you must be sent from them, a gift to me, mere mortal."
You can't help but pat his chest, "you flatter."
"You are too modest," he guides you along, "you are a statue come too life, art in the flesh."
"My husband... you words are too sweet."
"I know, I know, the wedding night is still ahead of us, I do run too fast," he chuckles, "but how can I help the anticipation?
Your lashes flick and giggle, "husband."
"That word has never sounded sweeter," he grins, "but a sweeter noise might be my own name. Say it for me, valkyrie."
Your cheeks burn hot, "Thor?"
"Delicious," he growls nearly baring his teeth, "and I shall savour every sound you make. Every moan and mewl. Every breath and laugh. Just as every part of you."
It's too good to be true. You deign to let yourself feel it all but you must. If even only for tonight. If only for the next moment. You will have a morsel of happiness if it's all you have to chew on for the rest of your life.
💟
The night wears on and so do you. Your feet ache, as does most of you, and your voice is raw from laughing and talking. It is the first that you ever spent an event not along the wall or hiding in some shadow. It is a night all your own, or so your husband has made it feel.
Yet, he does not tire. Not as quickly. As he booms and bawls to the amusement of all, you cling to his arm and repress a yawn. You will not spoil his fun, you will persist.
Still, you cannot ignore all urges of your humanity. You press a hand to his sleeve and excuse yourself, promising to return. Your husband pauses to bid you not be long and you're further abashed at his attention.
You flit off to find the privy. You've been several times over the day. Your bladder swells no matter how little you drink. As you progress, you find your body is contradictory to your mind.
You venture down the corridor and sweep into the room. Once relieved, you emerge feeling lighter but no less tired. The silent desolation of the corridor rather makes your exhaustion all the more potent.
You turn towards the statue of a warrior, you recognise it, it is the means by which you've found your way. Before you can pass it, a figure appears from behind it and you falter in your slippers.
You gasp and ball your hands, the man before you sending a ripple of horror through you as he smirks at your surprise. Lord Rogers' cheek dimples as he quorks his head like a cynical crow.
"You are ever a creature of urges," he muses, "fluttering back and forth as a skittish bird."
"My lord, I... what is the meaning--"
"I'm afraid we've not had much of a chance to speak, have we? The blushing bride is much a titter," he chortles, "she has the gull to giggle like a maiden, even."
"Lord Rogers," you utter, appalled.
"But the sway of her hips do betray her true nature. That which is within her," he sneers, "as does the curdling of her face over any dish that tickles her nose."
"Sir, I know not what you mean--"
"I should laugh truly, to know that another will raise my bastard," he taunts, "that it is him, does entertain me more." He takes a step forward and you back, "so you will be certain to lay with him this night so he may believe he has vigour." He grabs your arms before you can elude him, "you will think of me, won't you, Athena, my fallen goddess? Of how I desecrated your--"
Suddenly, you are staggered. Lord Rogers is swung backward and flung into the statue. There's a roar, tha same noise you would expect of a charging bear, and the flash of scarlet. You watch paralysed as Thor grabs Lord Rogers by his jacket and spins him, throwing him into the other wall.
The smaller of the men, though they are both built well, slides to one knee, his hand on the plaster. The other is quick, wasting not a second before aims a foot into Rogers' stomach. The duke falls backward and is at once straddled beneath the larger.
Thor lays blows upon the other man, hailing down on him like the tempest he claims himself. Your fear overflows and you push through the thick waves. You come forward numbly and pull your husband by the back of his collar.
"Please sir, unhand him."
"You would defend this animal!" He wails down another fist and growls.
"No, no, I would not spare him but I would... I would have my husband not take me to my wedding night with bloodied knuckles. Thor," you pet the back of his head, "let this be a happy day. Please."
He sits back on his heels and puffs out. He looks back at you as you step away. You put your hand to your middle.
"Husband?"
He snarls and spits on Lord Rogers, standing with a huff. You reach for his hand and he takes it. He squeezes as he sends one last kick of his toe to the man on the floor.
"Let me save my strength for you, wife. I certainly would need it."
#thor#steve rogers#thor x reader#dark steve rogers#steve rogers x reader#dark!steve rogers#fic#dark fic#dark!fic#series#guileless#mcu#marvel#avengers#captain america#au#regency au
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your most recent jason fic has me in a bit of a chokehold and its bc you do so well with the dialogue and the banter!!
HONEYLOVE???#?*×& i need to be physically restrained (i appreciate your fics respectfully)
anyways, the fic has me thinking: imagine it's the same reader, but they know Jason's alive and they're back to being friends again (skipping over the drama of "YOU'RE ALIVE?!?" "yea lmao sorry ily tho") but there's this tension now. and since Jason's not working with a mask anymore (and he's slightly more vulnerable with r), it's him who gets flustered and it's r who does the flirting playful banter. maybe it ends with a kiss (˘ ³˘) ?
i'm such a sucker for a flustered Jason and there's something that tells me he gets really weak in the knees for someone he adores >:) anyways, you can always choose to write this or not but a very big, fat thank you if you do
the reaction pics are SO FUNNY i'm glad you enjoy this au <3
jason todd x gn!nocturne!reader. pt 3 of vigilante reader. this is basically reader just being feral over jason :> they speak for all of us, really. love confessions, tension, somewhat flustered jason, more sparring lols.
pt 1 / pt 2
****
Jason Todd is alive. Jason Todd is sitting two feet away, talking about a case.
You can't quite believe it. You went home two days ago and expected to wake up to the whole thing being a dream or the result of a Poison Ivy hallucinogen.
You can't stop staring at him. It's weird. You're being weird. But you can't help it.
Every time you see Jason, you want to look at him for as long as possible. You don't want to forget his face. This new face. Scarred and hardened, but still good. Still loved.
And, well. It's not like Jason's bad looking. Sure, you thought he was cute when you were teenagers. Resurrection makes the heart grow fonder, et cetera.
But now? Now, Jason makes your heart stupid. You can barely contain your desire. It's been two weeks since he revealed himself, and every time you see him, you have to dig your nails into your palms to keep yourself from showing him what he does to you.
Sometimes you think he sees right through you, but if he does, he never acts on it.
"—listening. Yo. Ground control to Major Tom. Are you with me?"
Jason waves a hand in front of you. You blink.
He's unmasked and in a Fleetwood Mac t-shirt and dark jeans—the most comfortable you've seen him, actually. His hair is still wet from his shower.
"Sorry," you say, suddenly zeroed in on the three droplets of water sliding down his neck. "I'm listening. Just looking at you."
"'Cause I'm so pretty?" Jason asks, batting his lashes.
You reach over without thinking. He freezes when you wipe the water off of his neck. Then you tuck a curl behind his ear.
"You should let me blow-dry your hair," you say, taking your time in dropping your hand. "It'll take ages to dry in this humidity."
Jason's eyes have gone wide. Pink splotches bloom on the apples of his cheeks.
"Uh." He swallows. You watch his throat bob. "Thanks. Maybe... next time."
"I'll steal Dick's. He's got the fancy sixteen setting one."
That makes Jason smile. "Hm. Some things never change."
His eyes crinkle at the corners. Fondness swells swiftly in your chest.
You stay like that for a moment, caught in each other's orbit.
Jason breaks it first, leaning away. "Right. You should probably get back to the Manor. Br��the others'll probably think I kidnapped ya."
You shrug. "I quit."
"What?"
"Bruce was getting on my last nerve. I can't work with someone like that."
Jason snorts. "Join the club. Look, I can't say I'm not thrilled that you're stickin' it to the old man. But if this is 'cause of me... I wouldn't be mad if you kept workin' with him. Honest. If that's what you wanna do, don't let me stop you."
"Jason." You rest your hand atop his. "I joined this life because of you. To honor you. You taught me how to help people, not Bruce. You taught me what it meant to be kind, to be a part of something bigger than myself."
To love, you don't say.
"I..." He shakes his head. "You became Nocturne for me?"
You close your eyes, then open them. You've cried so many times. You don't want to stay in your grief any longer. Not when he's right in front of you.
"When you died, I..." You take a deep breath. "Nocturne was something to ground me. I think Bruce recognized that. I think he knew how much you meant to me. He didn't have to take a chance on me, and I appreciate that he did. But I've realized that he doesn't know everything. Can't see what's right in front of him sometimes."
You squeeze Jason's wrist. He sighs.
"God, I'm sorry," he says.
"What're you sorry for, Jay? You came back. That's all I ever wanted."
Jason chews his cheek for a moment. Then he stands, chair scraping the floor.
"C'mon," he says.
You follow him to the living room. He moves the armchair, the couch, and rolls up the rug. He disappears down the hall and returns with two thick mats. He tosses them onto the floor.
"Uh..." you say. "What're you—"
"'M gonna show you what y'did wrong that night on the roof."
"Wow. Can't believe you're still single. Being reminded of my shitty combat skills gets me so hot."
Jason rolls his eyes. "Alright, smartass. Just 'cause you quit the Bats doesn't mean you won't go out there and keep helping people. I know you. The least I can do is pick up where Dickface left off in your training."
"The least you can do, huh? I think you just wanna pin me against the floor again," you say, smirking.
He clears his throat. "That—no."
"No?" You step closer and look at him through your lashes. You're so close, you're touching his chest. "What happened to tying me up 'cause I was out when I shouldn't have been? Isn't that another educational technique?"
Jason's throat bobs. "That wasn't—I was just saying things."
"Hm. That's too bad."
You skip right past him, onto the mat, and hold out your arms.
"Okay. Put the moves on me, J.P."
It takes Jason a moment to craft his usual poker face. When he does, he groans. "'M not an evil Gilded Age financier. Still don't like 'J.P.'"
"But you like me-ee," you sing-song.
He shrugs. "Sometimes. Until you give me a heart attack and run into a burning building."
"Wish I could've seen your face for that one," you say as you steel your shoulders and secure your feet.
"Better you didn't. I'm sure there was a vein or two popping outta my forehead." Jason cracks his neck. "Ready?"
"Lay it on me, big guy."
"You first. Attack me like you normally would."
So you do. You step forward and throw a punch similar to the one from your rooftop spar. Jason catches it, of course. But this time, he locks you in a hold. One leg is between yours, and your arms are twisted behind your back with one hand. Humiliating.
"Dude!" You wiggle. Jason doesn't yield. "Jay, come on. No petty criminal is gonna know how to do all that."
"I know. The point of this is for you to know how to use someone's size against them."
Jason presses his cheek against yours. You tamp down your shiver. You can hear his heartbeat.
"Take a breath," he murmurs.
You close your eyes and breathe. Jason's grip doesn't hurt, but you're frustrated by how predictable you are. How he knows your body. A part of you is missing in not knowing him the way he knows you.
"Alright," he says. "Think. What part of me is exposed?"
"Not the important parts, I hope."
You can feel his eyeroll.
"You're hilarious. C'mon, focus. What can you attack?"
"Um... your legs. You trapped my arms, but my and your legs are free."
"Good." The praise warms you. Being this close to Jason will never get old. "What else?"
"What else? Do you have a tail I don't know about?"
"Sucha wiseass," he says, mouth close to your ear. "Your head. You're still able to move your head, and you're close to my face."
"Yeah, I'm not headbutting you. Out of the kindness of my heart."
"I appreciate that, sweets. Sweep my leg."
So you do. Jason goes down easier than he normally would for your benefit.
"'Kay," he says, once again underneath you. Now you have his hands pinned. "Good. Remember what went wrong last time?"
"You bucked me off like a Clydesdale."
He smiles. "Yeah, okay. So what'll you do different?"
"I'm not in my suit," you say. "I don't have extra weight in my boots."
"No, but you don't need it if you keep my legs apart."
"So that was your plan all along, huh? Perv."
Jason coughs. "Ah-hum... I—c'mon, lock my legs."
You grin and spread Jason's legs, using your knees to keep him immobile.
And then you just stare. This time, it's not because you're thinking about the miracle of resurrection (though what a miracle it is). No, you're just thinking, once again, about how your best friend got really, stupidly pretty.
And how you really, stupidly wanna kiss him.
Jason still looks young, but his jaw is now defined. He's got a five o'clock shadow coming on. His lips are full and pink. Freckles dot his cheeks and nose. The nose that still has a bump from when he broke it during a fight with Riddler.
You remember how he played it off for weeks. Bruce said that didn't even cry. But when you asked if it hurt, Jason had said yes.
You wonder when the last time Jason cried was. You wonder how much pain he's suffered since.
You wonder if he knows he's got your heart in the palm of his hand.
"Hey," Jason says. His voice is soft. Shy. "I lose ya again?"
You shake your head. "No. Never."
"There somethin' on my face?"
"You're a lot to look at," you say. "Pretty, pretty boy."
That gets an undeniable reaction. Jason Todd has never been able to take a compliment. You've been exploiting that all day.
Perhaps you know him better than you thought.
He exhales sharply, like you've sucker-punched him. His eyes dart to you. Waiting.
"Your eyes are green," you say. "Like, mixed. Blue and green."
Jason nods. "I—yeah. The Pit. Changed 'em. Changed me."
You lean in. His gaze flicks to your mouth. You watch his Adam's apple bob in a hard swallow.
"They're still pretty," you say. "Always had pretty eyes, Jaybird."
"Heh, right. Even with this shit?" He points to the scar that crosses over his right eye, stopping at his lip.
You let go of his wrists—not that you were holding them that tightly anyway. If this were a real fight, you would've lost ten times over already. Considering how much of you is touching Jason, you happen to be winning hard.
You trace the puckered white flesh with your thumb. Jason flinches but doesn't pull away.
"Your face could never turn me away," you say. "Never."
He closes his eyes and shudders. "Y'too nice to me. Always so nice t'me. Even when we were fighting. Why're ya so good?"
Your lips are a hair from his now. "I don't know how to make it more obvious, Jaybird. I'm absolutely insane about you."
Jason's eyes fly open. He sees your mouth and his breathing increases. You smile.
"Yeah, want you bad. No place I wouldn't follow you. Do anything for you."
Jason makes a strangled noise in his throat. You grin.
"C'mon, big guy. I'm right here. Come have me, Jay. I'm yours."
Jason soars up and kisses you. Swallows you, really. His hands hold your waist for dear life. You wrap one leg around his.
You nip his lip. Jason whines softly. Delicious.
You grab his face, fingers tangling in his curls. Jason sits up, slotting you against him. One hand supports you on your back, the other on your side.
"God—" He breaks away, just barely. "You're way too good for me. Had sucha... sucha crush on ya when we were kids. Y'so sweet."
You blindly find his throat and bite, hard enough to leave a mark. Jason makes a guh sound. You lick the bite to soothe it.
"Missed you," you say into his skin. "Missed you so goddamn bad, Jason."
"Yeah. Yeah, yeah," he babbles, clinging to you as you kiss up his neck. "Yeah, missed you too."
"Not letting you go," you say, almost snarling. You're angry with want, angry at the world for keeping this from you for so many years. "It's you and me now, Jay, mkay? Gonna be mine?"
"Always been yours," he says, panting. Jason finds your lips again. The kiss is messy, uncoordinated. Full of love. "No one but you."
You haven't fallen behind. You're starting anew.
"Never been anybody but you."
#Jason todd x reader#Jason todd x you#red Hood x reader#red Hood x you#Jason todd fanfiction#red Hood fanfiction#Jason todd imagine#red Hood imagine#red Hood x yn#jason todd x y/n#batman fanfiction#dc fanfiction#inbox#blurb
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Title: Die For You (Seonghwa) Part 2
▶︎၊၊||။|။ 00:10 | Playing: Die For You by The Weeknd
Pairing- Seonghwa x Reader x Wooyoung
Genre- University AU, angst, fluff (warnings: alcohol, mature language, mentions of sex, an argument scene)
Word Count- 7.9k
Summary- Between your best friend who doesn't love you back and the guy that does, things get messy as you try to figure out what exactly your heart wants.
-
“So what exactly did Yunho say about me?” you settled on asking, attempting to flutter your eyelashes. Yeah, you were not taking this impromptu meet up as seriously as you should. Sure Wooyoung was cute but you felt goofy today and apparently he found it amusing too because he just smiled.
“Just that you’re his friend and that I had to meet you. He also mentioned that you studied biology but he didn’t exactly mention to me how beautiful you were. If I knew I’d be seeing you tonight, I would’ve dressed up more.” There was a hint of flirtation in his voice when he leaned closer, which caused heat to rush up to your cheeks. He sure knew how to make a girl flustered because the way he looked at you had butterflies running rampant in your stomach. “Enough about what Yunho said though, tell me about yourself,” Wooyoung began, as he took a sip of his drink.
“Um okay,” you sighed, not knowing where to start. “Well I’m in my third year. And like you already know, I’m studying biology. I want to become a science teacher. I used to tutor for two years and I guess a part of me just likes telling people what to do? I also just love the study of life. It’s so interesting learning how cells and organisms react and respond to external stimuli. And then there’s genetic code and ecology and it's just so cool how we’re practically all dependent on each other, you know?” you noticed how Wooyoung was gazing so intently at you and stopped yourself, “sorry, I’m rambling aren’t I? You probably don’t care. How about you? Tell me about yourself.”
“You’re not rambling at all and I do care. It’s actually nice to hear how passionate you are about your major,” he began. “A lot of people just go to college not knowing what they want or go just because they want to please their parents,” he paused momentarily and there was something in his eyes that looked rather dejected. “I know because I was definitely like that for a while. I was majoring in biology too. I was on track to be pre-med but I was miserable. I hated my classes and the labs but I tried hard to be the son my parents wanted me to be and make them proud. I was so miserable and lonely though that I even considered dropping out but then I met Yeosang over there,” he looked back at both his friends, “and he made me realize that life was too short to waste time pursuing a path I hated. He also made me realize my passion and what it was I actually wanted to do in life so I guess I have him to thank for my epiphany," he reminisced on.
You glanced back at your friends too and caught a glimpse of Seonghwa who was texting and you felt your heart sting. You loved him but there was no way you were going to mourn over what could’ve been forever; you had to move on. You were here with Wooyoung, pay attention to him, you mentally scolded yourself. You were enjoying his company and he was a great guy you could see yourself with if things went well. So, changing your attitude about this borderline date, you gave Wooyoung your full undivided attention. “And what is it that you wanted to do?” you asked.
“I want to become a professional chef. Or at least do something in the hospitality and tourism industry,” he admitted with a melancholic smile. “I know I just need to go to culinary school but I figured having a bachelors wouldn’t hurt and my parents still wanted me to go to college, so I switched my major to business with a minor in hospitality management. Thankfully after a while, my parents just accepted it and college wasn’t so dreadful anymore. I even joined Delta Sigma Pi too because of Yeosang and met those losers,” he joked and you found yourself smiling too, because he was so endearing in the way he talked and expressed himself.
As the conversation went on, you’d begin to realize that there was more to meet the eye. Wooyoung was really passionate about the culinary arts and even more introspective than you. His outer appearance was deceptive because although he was genuinely outgoing and silly, he was also a deep thinker and more earnest than you sought him out to be. Just hearing him talk about himself, you realized how hard working he was and how much self discipline he had. He was more wise than you thought too, so if there was one thing you’d learn while talking to him, he really believed in the saying that ‘your efforts never betray you’ and you found yourself standing by those words too.
As the night came to an end, you parted ways with Wooyoung and you guys even exchanged numbers. The rest of your friends split into cabs and you couldn’t stop smiling as you got into the cab with Yunho and Seonghwa to head back to their apartment south of downtown. Before you went out today, you had already decided you were going to crash at Yunho and Seonghwa’s shared apartment. Your car was currently parked at their place and you figured you’d drive back to your apartment tomorrow morning.
“So what do you think of Wooyoung?” Yunho asked from beside you as he manspreaded, forcing you to scoot over. You were practically squished in between the right side of the car door and your tall ass, big limbed friend. A heavy sigh escaped your lips.
“He’s great," you said, trying to get as comfortable as you could with Yunho's shoulder against yours. You instantly regretted climbing in first. The seatbelt was cutting into the side of your neck too and everything just felt uncomfortable. At least it wasn’t entirely terrible. At least the cab man wasn’t cheap and had the AC on at a temperature that wasn’t too cold nor hot.
“He’s a good guy Y/N.” Yunho insisted, lowering his head with a skeptical look in his eyes. It was almost as if he didn’t believe your words. What you said was the truth though, Wooyoung was honestly a great guy.
“I know," you enunciated. "I think I actually really like him,” you assured him while glancing over at Seonghwa who was texting someone (probably Seolhyun) on his phone.
Seonghwa peered up at your words, tilting his head to butt in. “He seems like the typical frat guy. Given how cynical you are, I’m surprised you even ‘like’ him.” The moment those words left his mouth, you scoffed. What did he know?
“Well he’s Yunho’s friend and I trust that he has good judgment. And just because he’s in a fraternity doesn’t mean he’s the stereotypical guys you see. If you just had one conversation with him, you’ll see. Also, I can make my own decisions, and Wooyoung seems like a good guy.”
“If you say so,” Seonghwa sighed, raking his hand through his hair. “You’ve only known him for what? Two hours? Just don’t be surprised when there's someone else.”
You glared at him. Did he not drink enough tonight? Usually two drinks was enough to loosen him up and he was always a fun drunk.
Yunho elbowed Seonghwa who was so quick to judge. “Don’t listen to him, he’s just in a bad mood because he asked Seolhyun to hang out tomorrow and she blew him off.” He then turned back to you, a hand on your knee. “I know Wooyoung looks like the type to play around, but he’s not. He hasn’t actually hasn't been with anyone in two months," Yunho bragged. "There's nothing to worry about."
“How impressive,” Seonghwa mumbled under his breath before going back on his phone. If he hadn’t told you about his gigantic crush on Seolhyun earlier, you would’ve sworn he was almost jealous with how judgmental and grouchy he was. You ignored his attitude.
“Good to know I won’t be a rebound,” you said comically towards Yunho. “What happened anyway? Did he dump her? She dump him?"
Yunho exhaled. “He dumped her. I didn’t really know his ex that well but from the moment I met her, I didn't like her. And you know me, I like everyone. And turns out, she only used him for his money. Poor Wooyoung, you know? He really liked her.”
“Hold up,” you backtracked. “You’re telling me he’s loaded?”
“Yeah, but he’s really humble about it. He doesn’t tell anyone. Hell, I didn’t even know until his birthday last year when he threw this huge party at his parent’s mansion.” Yunho was saying all of this as if it was no big deal, as if it was common knowledge.
And it left you in shock.
“You should’ve led with that when you told me about him last week,” you joked. “I would’ve agreed to meet him much sooner.”
“Yeah right, Mrs. true love over money. You didn’t even care last week when I told you about how he wanted to meet. You wouldn’t let money deter you from the guy you actually like but who knows, maybe you’d come to like Wooyoung more than you think.” Yunho was right. You didn’t care about materialistic things and would rather be with a guy you genuinely liked than a guy who had money.
But when the guy you liked didn't like you back, you had to move on.
“No wonder why he paid for everyone’s drink,” Seonghwa grumbled from beside Yunho. “What a show off.”
“He was just being nice.” Yunho glared at Seonghwa before turning to you. “Anyway, speaking of birthdays, what are you doing next week for your birthday?”
“I have a class then I have a lab,” you droned and Yunho nodded.
“Nothing afterwards?”
“I’m gonna take a nap,” you said as a-matter-of-factly and Yunho scoffed.
-
When you arrived at Seonghwa and Yunho’s apartment, Yunho handed you an extra blanket and pillow to sleep on the sofa. You always had your essentials at their place for nights when you crashed over so it was just the usual. Everything was going well until you realized you forgot to bring your pajamas. And you really didn’t want to sleep in your clubbing outfit.
Reluctantly, you walked towards Seonghwa’s room. You would’ve went to Yunho’s room but he was fast asleep, that fact evident from the snores you could hear from outside the hallway. It was so tense between you and Seonghwa earlier but you sucked it up since you had no other choice. You counted to three before knocking on Seonghwa’s door. “Can I come in?”
“Sure,” he said from behind the door. "You can just come in, you know? You don't have to knock every time."
“Just to be safe," you said upon turning the doorknob. A flashback of that one time you almost saw him naked replayed in your head again and you felt heat rush up to your cheeks. You quickly shook that thought away. Thankfully he had pajamas on right now so no repeat of the event two months ago. "So um, can I borrow some clothes? I just don’t want to sleep in this outfit."
He immediately said “sure,” then rummaged through his dresser to toss you one of his t-shirts and basketball shorts.
“Thanks." You also gave him back his jacket, about to close the door when he spoke up again.
“By the way, do you really like that Wooyoung guy?” He asked as he grabbed the towel beside him to dry his hair. His demeanor was calm so you couldn't read him well. You chewed on the inside of your cheek, trying to come up with a decent response.
“Yeah, I do,” you settled on.
“I don't like him.” His voice was stern and you genuinely wondered what was going on inside his head right now because he had already made it clear how he felt about Wooyoung earlier.
“I know. But I do. So can you at least try to understand?”
Seonghwa sighed. “I’m only looking out for you. Some of Yunho’s friends are nice and all but that doesn’t mean they’re looking for anything serious and I’m just worried you’ll get hurt. You know I care for you right?” You appreciated him but just why did he always have to act like a nagging parent?
“I’ll be fine. I can take care of myself.” You tried not to show how annoyed you were. It was late and you were too tired for this.
“You know I love you right?” he began softly as he neared you, tossing the towel aside. He then grabbed your hands and pulled you into his chest, his arms around you now. “I’m sorry if I was being blunt today but it’s only because I don’t want you to get hurt.”
If only he knew that he was the reason why you were hurt in the first place. He could always read right through you— except for the times when he was the reason you were upset. It sucked how he broke your heart. And he wasn’t even aware he was doing it.
“I know,” you mumbled. You tried not to think about the heat of his body against yours because your top was really thin and it left you feeling him everywhere. It did little to stop your heartbeat from quickening so you pulled away. “I should go change now.”
-
Getting settled on the sofa, you tried your best to sleep but you couldn’t stop thinking about how you could hear everything Seonghwa and Seolhyun were talking about. The walls were paper thin and Seonghwa kept flirting and laughing at the things she said.
You used to be the one he called late at night and now she was the one he ended the night talking to. Granted, you were over at his place right now, and he didn’t need to call if he wanted to talk but still. The past week, his late night calls were short and now you knew why. He was busy calling another girl.
To soothe your uneasiness, you ended up texting your roommate-- NingNing-- about the events that occurred tonight and thankfully she was still awake, texting you while FaceTiming Mingi. They were apparently seeing each other now and while you weren't surprised, it still felt weird. At least they finally admitted it though, it was an agonizing few weeks of watching them sneak around and flirt.
After a while of texting and scrolling on your phone, you were about to call it a day when you received a text.
Wooyoung [ 1:02 am ]: hey, are you awake?
You [ 1:02 am ]: depends... is this a booty text?
Wooyoung [ 1:03 am ]: oh no, it's not I swear, I just wanted to talk
Wooyoung [ 1:03 am ]: I have a very important question to ask tho since you're awake
You smiled, pulling Yunho's blanket he clearly didn't wash from the last time you slept over towards your stomach. You half expected a flirtatious response from Wooyoung, but to your surprise, he was adamant that this wasn’t a suggestive text.
You [ 1:03 am ]: hit me with it
Wooyoung [ 1:03 am ]: so, do you like physics?
Who asks this question at 1 A.M.? you thought. You still responded, but the question was just so random, it threw you off guard.
You [ 1:04 am ] yeah, I actually have to take a few physics courses for my bio major lol, why?
Wooyoung [ 1:04 am ]: because according to newton’s law of universal gravitation, if I’m attracted to you, then you’re attracted to me.
Wooyoung [ 1:04 am ]: can you confirm? 😆
Wooyoung [ 1:04 am ]: sorry, was that lame? I just saw it online and I thought of you since you like science
You smiled, because it was indeed lame. But he was cute for that so you lied.
You [ 1:04 am ] nah it’s not lame. I think you’re attractive too, but shouldn’t you be sleeping right now? it’s late lol
Wooyoung [ 1:05 am ]: yeah, but I couldn’t stop thinking of you
And just like that, you ended up texting Wooyoung for the next two hours with a huge grin on your face, your eyelids heavy the whole time.
-
“Admit it, I was right about Wooyoung. I bet you regret not listening to me and meeting him sooner don't you?” Yunho asked with a smug look on his face. It was the next Friday now, and you and him were currently in the library together with your laptops open. You managed to finish one assignment but didn’t get much done because Wooyoung kept texting you which of course caught Yunho’s attention.
“Sure, whatever,” you waved dismissively towards Yunho, too engrossed in the conversation with Wooyoung to look up at him. You couldn’t stop smiling down at your phone while texting Wooyoung.
Ever since that day at the bar, you and him haven’t stopped texting each other. That night, there was no awkwardness, no silence, no overthinking. Conversations with him were so natural and easy. He even made you feel jittery inside because for once you weren’t bored and found the flirting fun. It made you excited. You wanted to get to know more about him and it was a new feeling. You’ve never met someone like Wooyoung before and it was like a breath of fresh air being around him.
The rest of your friends would show up one by one to the table you were at and wished you happy birthday as they came. Although you turned a year older today, it didn't feel as exciting as it did when you were a kid. It was just another day closer to wrinkles, menopause, and death at this point. If Yunho could read your pessimistic thoughts, he'd surely slap your wrist and call you ridiculous because he absolutely loved birthdays and saw the good in everything.
“Happy birthday!” Seonghwa said loudly as he gave you a back hug, making you startled. He laughed at your reaction before handing you a gift bag with some tissue paper. He stood tall and watched as you pulled out gift.
When you saw the Nintendo Game you had been hinting at for the past month, you squealed and jumped up to give Seonghwa a proper hug, thanking him over and over again before sitting back down.
You really were thankful. Not just for the game, but to have your best friend back. But good moments were fleeting, and it didn’t take long for reality to crash down again.
By the next hour, you finally managed to finish your pre-lab questions. Although the side conversations have never distracted you before, today it did. The majority of your friends were in the university's dance team and while you tried to support them when you could, you had class yesterday during the time of the concert and attendance was required.
Seonghwa managed to pull up the performance last night and forced it in your face, wanting to show off how well they did. And like the supportive friend you were, you watched it, and praised him knowing that Seonghwa, although confident in his skills, had his fair share of doubts and insecurities as well.
So it hurts.
It hurts that while you complimented him, he kept going on about how Seolhyun was the greatest addition to the team again like a broken record. Sure she was captivating on stage but you didn’t need to hear it 24/7. And as Seonghwa rewatched the footage again, you couldn’t help but notice how literal hearts formed in his eyes. It was like he was entranced, drunk on a love spell or something. And it was pathetic.
But then again, you were also pathetic. By now, you’ve come to terms with it. Seonghwa would never like you back. You just wished your feelings for him would go away already.
-
Wooyoung [ 2:44 pm ]: so what are you doing for your bday?
You smiled down at your phone. Wooyoung finally responded to your text after an hour. You guys picked up where you left off again which was the topic of your birthday. It had only been a week of texting back and forth so it was way too soon to tell him that it was your birthday. You didn't intend on telling him but then Yunho opened his big mouth so here you were.
You [ 2:45 pm ]: I have a lab at 6, then I’m going to take a nap lol
Wooyoung [ 2:45 pm ]: that’s so boring thooo
You [ 2:45 pm ]: it’s just another day, nothing special lol
And it truly was just another day. You were just going to turn a year older, there was no point in trying to celebrate although you had a feeling your roommate would probably try to pull something.
Wooyoung [ 2:45 pm ]: it’s your birthday, the day you came out into this world, it should be celebrated
You [ 2:45 pm ]: I guess
“You’re texting him now?” Seonghwa grimaced, his distaste for Wooyoung as clear as ever. You truly didn't get what was such a big deal because he knew you and him were talking. He had been acting like this for the past week now and it got annoying real quick.
“Yes,” you replied, raising a brow at Seonghwa. “Is there a problem with that? I like him.”
“No. But it’s just you’ve only known him for a week."
“So? You barely knew Seolhyun and you’re obsessed with her.”
“I'm not obsessed. And that’s different.” He pursed his lips. You begged to differ with how he managed to make every conversation about her, but you didn’t call him out on it, not wanting to look jealous.
“Do tell, because I don’t see how it is.”
“It just is. He’s a guy and you know how guys are. Not everyone is going to be like me or Yunho.” There Seonghwa went again being overprotective for no reason and you rolled your eyes.
“Hey man, trust Wooyoung has good intentions,” Yunho interjected and you agreed with him. Sure, a week of texting wasn't enough to say for sure, but you just had a feeling in your gut that Wooyoung was a genuinely good guy. And your intuition? Although wrong half the time, had its accurate moments too.
“Since you want to talk about Wooyoung, let’s talk about Seolhyun too," you challenged with a beaming smile, "You know how girls are like her are, what about her makes her any different?”
Seonghwa furrowed his brows and that was when you knew you got him right where you wanted him. Provoking him was fun, especially with how many jabs he took at Wooyoung these days. “What do you mean girls like her? What are you implying?”
“I don’t know, what am I implying?” You honestly didn’t know either but if he was going to act like a child, you were too.
“Guys, let's not fight,” Mingi butted in, attempting to ease the tension. You only narrowed your eyes at him.
“This isn’t a fight. I’m just simply asking him a question,” you sighed.
Seonghwa rolled his eyes. “Whatever, this is stupid. Let’s just drop it.”
You scoffed.
Of course he would brush this off. And to think, he used to be the type to actually want to talk about his feelings. You never thought the Seonghwa you knew would change so much. You thought you guys were close but you guessed not. He didn’t even tell you about Seolhyun the other day, considering how you had to hear about it from Yunho who half hid the truth from you.
So really, you shouldn’t be that surprised.
All your friends sucked at this point.
-
Or maybe your friends didn't entirely suck.
The moment you opened the door to your apartment and turned on the lights, your friends all jumped up and yelled “Surprise!” followed by a “Happy Birthday!”
You had just gotten back from your lab and you were going to take a nap but you supposed you could skip it for moments like these. You were so happy seeing all the people you were close with but then your eyes landed on a certain someone and your smile faltered.
Seolhyun was next to Seonghwa and you hated how picture perfect they looked together.
She was wearing a pretty pink dress too, one that made her look like a princess. It was your birthday yet it looked like it was her birthday instead with how she out-dressed everyone. Her makeup looked good too and it only made you more aware of how you looked right now. You didn’t need a mirror to know that you probably looked like a mess. You were sure there were probably still marks on your face from the goggles you had to wear during the lab. And you probably looked dead inside from the busy day you had. You then glanced down at your outfit and yikes. You wished NingNing would've at least given you a heads up about this party because the leggings and t-shirt you were wearing right now was embarrassing.
You mentally slapped yourself.
You let your friends sing and congratulate you before you went to change into a more appropriate outfit. You then found NingNing in the kitchen and pulled her over to a more quiet area of the apartment. She was always known for throwing a party every time there was an occasion and inviting a lot of people. And as much as you loved and appreciated her for all the complaints you received from your neighbors, she also knew about Seolhyun so just why did she invite her? You asked her, and she frowned apologetically.
“I’m sorry, Seonghwa brought her and I couldn’t just say no. She’s on the dance team too and it would’ve been rude if we didn’t invite her since most of your friends are on the team. It’s not so bad if you think about it. I actually talked to her earlier too and she’s really nice, you should give her a chance.” She tried to get you to cheer up too as she clung onto your arm but it didn’t work.
“You sound like Seonghwa,” you droned and she grimaced. You were going to need a beer.
-
“Are you having fun?” The voice of Mingi took you by surprise. He stood beside you with his own beer, solemnly looking around the party filled with mostly friends and a couple people you didn’t know.
“Not really," you sighed as you leaned against the counter.
“It’s because of Seonghwa isn’t it?”
You choked a little as your eyes widened. You straightened your back then turned to him, nudging his elbow. “What?”
Mingi grinned. “You’re not good at hiding your feelings as you think but don’t worry, I’ll keep it on the low.”
You raised a brow, having a slight suspicion your roommate liked to tell her boyfriend/ not-boyfriend your secrets. "Did NingNing say something?"
"Nah.” He smiled dubiously before taking a sip of his beer. You truly hated how men were sometimes with their short and clipped responses. You were going to ask him to elaborate when he spoke again. “Wooyoung’s not the guy Seonghwa painted him out to be earlier in the library by the way. I think he’s just confused right now. Has a lot on his mind.”
“I know but what do you think he’s even confused about?”
Mingi shrugged. “Things. He’s just oblivious sometimes.”
You understood and replied to that by taking a sip of your drink.
Mingi didn't linger around much longer before NingNing called him over. You sighed as you watched him walk away before scanning the room. You only wanted to look for someone to talk to when you made the grave mistake of making eye contact with Seonghwa. Before you knew it, he was gesturing for you to walk over to where he was near the hallway.
You heard Seonghwa call your name and you just froze. You couldn’t even act like you didn't hear because you’ve already locked eyes. You didn’t move but within a few seconds, he walked over anyway. “Meet Seolhyun,” he introduced, and you tried to smile. “She’s the one I was telling you about on the dance team.”
“Hi.” You hoped your lazy smile masks your lack of interest.
“Hey girl,” she beamed, going in for a hug, almost spilling your beer. She was also holding a beer too but she handled it better. You had to awkwardly put your arms to the side, trying to hold your beer at a distance. “Happy birthday! Seonghwa has told me a lot about you. You’re a biology major right? How’s that going for you?”
“Good.” You could’ve asked her about her major too but you honestly couldn’t care less.
“So did you go to our performance yesterday? We performed a medley of Hip Hop songs and Seonghwa over here was amazing,” she glanced over at him and they smiled at each other. You genuinely wanted to puke right there on her pretty sparkly heels.
"I was busy," you said but you doubt she even heard you with how much she loved to talk, going on about the performance with Seonghwa. You admired the way Seonghwa looked at her. It was the same way you looked at him if he ever cared to notice. It wasn't until Seonghwa patted your shoulder that you realized you weren't even paying attention to a single thing they said.
“I’m gonna get myself a beer, I’ll be right back,” Seonghwa announced before walking away, and right as he did, Seolhyun dropped the act.
“You like Seonghwa don’t you?” She folded her arms and sized you up. If only her fake lashes weren't lifting up from the corner of her eyes. Maybe then, you would've been more intimidated. Instead, you raised a brow and remained composed.
“What?”
“Oh cut the bullshit, I know you like him.”
“We’re just friends,” you tried to say calmly but she was less than pleased with your response.
“He talks a lot about you. You know, at first I thought he liked you but then I realized that it was just you who liked him. I know you guys are friends and all but if you know what's good for him, you'd back off and keep your distance.”
“Can you chill? I don’t know what you’re talking about. And we’re just friends so you can have him.” And you meant that. Although you liked him, you would never try to ruin his thing with Seolhyun after you knew how much he liked her.
“Fine then.” She straightened her posture then flashed a beaming smile. “Nice necklace by the way,” she complimented, eyeing the silver heart necklace that fell in between the clavicle bones on your chest. She then scanned the room. "Can you hold my beer for a second? I just need to fix this clip in my hair. Please?" She asked nicely with a pout, holding out her drink.
Against your better judgment, you said "sure" and tried to grab her drink only for her to drop it, causing the bottle to shatter into pieces as it landed on the floor. The liquid spilled all over her heels while it splashed onto yours. You winced at the noise while she stumbled back. It wasn't like the music in your apartment was loud either, so everyone heard the noise and her dramatic yelp.
All the attention was on you and Seolhyun now.
"Are you okay?" you asked, but the second you noticed her expression change, you realized what she was doing and regretted ever trying to be civil with her. A tear now trailed down her cheek and she looked as if she was about to cry.
“Look, I know it’s your birthday and all but you don’t have to be so mean. I only wanted to try on your necklace, you could’ve just said no instead of knocking the beer out of my hands." She covered her face with her hands and before you knew it, she was full-on sobbing. Seonghwa immediately ran to her.
“I swear I didn’t do that. She did it herself.” You tried to defend yourself but you knew it was a lost cause the moment you met Seonghwa's eyes. He looked at you with disgust as he pulled her into his arms. You rolled your eyes at how Seonghwa was buying this whole act.
“And why would she do that? What’s up with you lately? You’ve been so snappy these days. And now you go and do this?” Seonghwa raised his voice as he held her in his arms. All you could do was look blankly at him. He has never raised his voice at you before. You didn’t let the fact that he called you snappy in front of everyone deter you from defending yourself either.
“Nothing’s been up with me,” You said calmly. "This is just a huge misunderstanding. I really didn't do that."
“You should apologize," Seonghwa said sternly and once again, you were annoyed with him for always telling you what to do. You couldn’t believe how he was actually taking her side when he didn’t even know the full story or bothered to ask.
Regardless, you stood your ground. “I’m not apologizing for something I didn’t do. You’re really going to believe her over me?”
“Well I definitely don’t believe she would drop the beer all over her new shoes.”
Seolhyun looked back at you with 'fear' in her eyes and you had to laugh. This was your apartment, why were you even putting up with this? You were going to kick her out when the front door abruptly opened and Wooyoung walked in. You didn't expect him to come but you supposed Yunho had something to do with it.
A part of you was glad he came but now? Right in the middle of this stupid argument? You made eye contact with Wooyoung and he smiled softly at you. You tried to mirror his smile but yours turned out weak due to Seonghwa's accusations dampening your mood.
"Happy birthday, sorry I'm late, the traffic was bad and then I saw a stand with flowers and I wanted to get you a bouquet. Yunho said you liked roses right? I hope it's not too soon." Wooyoung rambled as he placed the gift bag and roses on the coffee table. He then glanced around the room and noticed that everyone was quiet and staring at him like he was a ghost. The only noise was from the faint music at this point and it didn't take long for him to realize that something was wrong.
Rage filled your blood as you met Seolhyun’s eyes again but you remained collected. You couldn’t believe Seonghwa was actually defending her and raising his voice at you in front of everyone at your birthday party. The Seonghwa you used to know wouldn't do this. And you weren't about to argue with him anymore. You placed your own beer on the counter before spitting one last thing, “You know what? I don’t care anymore. Believe her all you want but that's not what happened. The both of you just need to leave.”
You didn't bother to spare them another glance before storming off to your room and slamming the door.
You weren’t going to cry but you were definitely pissed at the whole situation being so unfair. You paced back and forth in your own room, not knowing where to go from here. How long would you even stay in your room before going outside again? It was going to be awkward with how everyone witnessed Seonghwa raising his voice at you and taking the new girl’s side.
It wouldn’t even be a full minute before you heard the door open and you slapped your head for forgetting to lock it. "I told you to leave," you exclaimed, expecting Seonghwa but to your surprise, it was Wooyoung and your tone softened. "Sorry, I thought you were someone else.”
"It's okay," he stuck his head in with a soft smile. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah, sure."
Wooyoung stepped in with the bouquet of roses. "Like I said earlier, I hope it’s not too soon but happy birthday.” He handed the bouquet to you and watched as you placed it onto your desk. After what just happened, Wooyoung really was like a breath of fresh air. He managed to ease your nerves while making your heart touched as well. "I heard what happened before I came too and I just wanted you to know that I believe you'd never do that to her without a good reason.”
Great, so did everyone believe you actually knocked the bottle out of her hands now?
"Thanks, but I really didn’t do it," you sighed, sitting on the edge of your bed, encouraging him to do the same. "I just wish my friend would believe me." You glanced down at your lap and picked at your cuticles. A part of you wished NingNing never planned this surprise party in the first place. Maybe then you’d still have your dignity and Seonghwa wouldn’t have humiliated you in front of everyone.
“I believe you.” The sound of Wooyoung’s soft voice made you glance over at him. He smiled genuinely and placed a hand over yours to stop your fidgeting.
“Thank you.” Your mouth went dry and you cleared your throat, avoiding his gaze. You didn't even have to look at him to know he was smirking.
"I like your room, by the way," he began, eyes taking in your walls full of posters and random pictures. You glanced around your room and it was a mess with all the decorations and stuff you hoarded. You couldn't help but think back to Seonghwa who always nagged at you to clean your room. It was definitely not a pretty room at all but you thanked Wooyoung anyway.
"Something catch your eye?" you asked, noticing how he was fixating on your shelves full of mostly romance books. You loved to read stories where people fell in love and got their happy ending. Because despite being cynical, you’ve always believed in true love and yearned for that through your collection of books.
"Do you read a lot?" He made his way towards the shelf and pulled out one of your dark romance books, flipping through it. Out of all the young adult and thriller books you had, why did he have to pick the one with the most explicit content?
"I try." You nervously chewed on the inside of your cheek. "But don't be impressed or anything. It's just romance stories, some thriller here and there, nothing educational." You let him do whatever until his eyes began to scan a page and he smirked, raising his eyebrows at you. That was when you snatched the book from him, realizing that out of all the pages he could've flipped to, he managed to land on a scene where the two main characters were being intimate.
"These books seem very educational to me. They’re fun," he teased. "Is this the type of stuff you're into?" He could not stop grinning as he stared at you. For the nth time that night, you were embarrassed, feeling heat rush up to your cheeks. You chose not to respond as you slipped the book back to its spot on the shelf. “Oh come on, I was joking,” he exhaled, “Are you mad?”
“I know. And I’m not.” You avoided his eyes.
Wooyoung chuckled before pushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “You're cute when you're shy, you know that? And since I haven’t told you yet, you look absolutely beautiful today.” He then cupped your cheek, forcing you to meet his eyes. “Should we go outside again? I bet your friends miss you. You are the main event after all. Birthday girl.” His breath hits your skin and your swallow was thick. A smirk tugged at his lips before his hand fell back to his side and he stepped back, leaving you absolutely flustered.
After a few seconds you finally managed to think again. You took a deep breath before leaning against your bookshelf. "I know I can't hide in my room all night but it was just so embarrassing how my friend took her side when he didn't even bother to ask me what happened. Does everyone really think I’d be that petty to knock a beer out of her hands? It’s my apartment after all and I’d be the one that’ll have to mop up the stickiness later.” You rambled, hoping Wooyoung would at least take your side.
“They’re your friends aren’t they? I'm sure they'll understand if you explain the situation.”
“It's still embarrassing,” you groaned.
Wooyoung reached for your hands, pulling you closer towards him. His breath fanned over you as he softly asked, “Do you trust me?”
“I barely know you.”
“Then get to know me." His eyes flickered between your lips and eyes as he wets his own lips. You were almost sure he was going to kiss you as he stared at you. But he didn’t. The only thing you felt was the squeeze he gave your hand. “What do you say?” he mumbled.
“Yeah, I’d like that.” Your voice was barely above a whisper as you smiled back at him.
Wooyoung then reached for the door knob when it abruptly swung open, causing you to jump, your free hand flying to your chest to calm your beating heart. Wooyoung was calm amidst it all and let out a small chuckle at how easily frightened you got.
Upon seeing who it was, you grimaced. Never have you actually been more annoyed to see Seonghwa. "Shouldn't you be with your girlfriend right now?" you asked, bitterness laced in your tone.
“We need to talk," he insisted, ignoring your question. His eyes drifted to your hands that were currently intertwined with Wooyoung's and he cleared his throat. Avoiding Wooyoung's presence, he only looked up at you. “We weren’t done talking earlier.”
“What's there to talk about?" you genuinely asked as you let go of Wooyoung's hand. "You won’t believe anything I say anyway so why don’t you just leave?”
“Can we talk alone?” Seonghwa was unyielding, glaring at Wooyoung now who heaved a sigh. You could tell Wooyoung was the type to bark back but for some reason, he held off.
Wooyoung took the hint and smiled at you before leaning towards your ear. “I’ll be waiting outside when you’re done.” And something about his low voice gave you butterflies.
When he left, Seonghwa turned back to you with the look of an overprotective father who caught a boy sneaking into his daughter’s room. “So what? You and him made out?”
“None of your business." You crossed your arms against your chest. “Just say what you want to say and leave.”
“Fine. You should apologize to Seolhyun, you made her cry.”
You scoffed, as if it was your fault.
At this point, you didn’t even care to be affable anymore. Not when he was acting like he was the boss of you. “Is your hearing okay? I meant it the first time, I’m not apologizing for something I didn’t do so you’re wasting your time with us ‘talking’ because I can assure you, this conversation will go nowhere.”
“Why do you always have to be so stubborn? You know I like Seolhyun so just why can’t you try to be nice and get along with her? You used to be so supportive for me, what happened to you? She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
“I still am supportive for you." Your brows pulled together. "I really didn’t spill her drink though. She did it herself.”
“You need to stop lying.”
“I'm not lying." You were raising your voice at a wall at this point. "Just why can't you believe me? You didn't even bother to ask for my side of the story before running to her. You've known me for over two years now while you barely know her yet you just trust everything she says? How do you think that makes me feel?"
“Not everything is about you.” He exhaled. “Look, I wasn’t going to say anything, but you’ve been different the past week. You’ve never been like this before.” He rubbed his temple, seemingly in a train of thought. “It's because of that Wooyoung guy isn't it? I knew it was only a matter of time before he’d rub off on you.”
“What does he have to do with this? I’ve only known him for a week so he hasn’t rubbed shit on me. And for the last time, I didn't spill her drink. We were just talking about you, she said she liked my necklace, and then she just dropped the beer herself.” Your blood was boiling with how he wouldn't even listen to a word you said. It was like Seolhyun had him wrapped around her little finger.
“That's not what she told me." He crossed his arms against his chest and pursed his lips.
“Well it's the truth." You clenched your jaw. You were all worked up now, and before you could even filter your thoughts, you just spoke your mind. "She’s a liar Seonghwa, just when will you realize it? But then again she's pretty so of course you'd do anything to get in her pants even if you know I'm right.”
“So that's why you've been acting like this?" He lets out a small laugh, tilting his head back as he poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue. "You're jealous that she's pretty? Is that why you knocked the drink out of her hands? That's real low Y/N, even for you."
"Trust me,” you fumed. “I am not jealous of her." It was a lie, but you weren't about to lose the argument now.
"Doesn’t seem like it to me.” He lets out a deep sigh. “I'm really trying here but you just keep lying. All we do is bicker these days Y/N. What happened to us?"
"I could ask the same."
Seonghwa nodded before snapping. “You know what? You were right, this conversation is useless. Let's just end it here because it clearly isn't going anywhere. I don't know what happened to make you like this recently but jealousy and this new attitude of yours isn’t a good look on you.” He looked you dead in the eyes one last time to say, “Happy fucking birthday,” before slamming the door in your face. Seonghwa rarely cursed, so when he did, that was when you knew that he was really mad. Although you said some mean things too, it was only because he was being unfair. You felt so betrayed.
So much for your special day, you thought. And you didn't even need to confess your feelings to him for the memories of him to taint your birthday.
You never thought loving someone could hurt so much. Tears filled your vision as you stumbled to the edge of your bed. You felt like your world just collapsed because for the past two years, Seonghwa was the constant in your life, the one you went to for advice, the one you leaned on.
And now he was someone else’s.
-
[ Series Masterlist | ⇨ Part 3 ]
Taglist- @thunderous-wolf @kookley77-blog @huachengsbestie01 @tinyteezer @vnessalau @potatos-on-clouds @minghaoslatina @dmnspiit @wallaiea @vampzity @yunhogrippers @cookiesandgravy @stfu-rina
A/N- Sorry for taking forever to update if anyone is even reading this lol. Also peep the NCT quote if anyone caught it hehe. Anyway, take care everyone and remember to drink lots of water, love you all <3
#seonghwa angst#wooyoung fluff#seonghwa fluff#ateez fluff#ateez angst#wooyoung angst#seonghwa x reader#ateez x reader#wooyoung x reader#wooyoung scenarios#seonghwa scenarios#ateez oneshot#ateez fics#ateez fic#ateez imagines#seonghwa imagines#wooyoung imagines#ateez scenarios
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Steddie Upside-Down AU Part 113
Part 1 Part 112
Even perfect moments must end, and Steve’s ready to leave this one. He doesn’t regret his chosen locale, but the room’s dark now, and the shadows are starting to loom the way they would when he was a child.
His legs are stiff when he gets up off Eddie’s lap, hips creaking as they realign.
Steve doesn’t make it into the bedroom proper before Eddie calls out, “wait!” He snatches the hem of Steve’s jacket. It bunches awkwardly as Steve twists to look back at Eddie. “Shit, ow, ow, dead legs.”
Eddie’s stumbling upright, hanging onto Steve’s jacket for dear life as he tries to use it to pull himself to his feet. Steve grabs his forearm and hauls him up, almost buckling himself when Eddie throws his arms around his shoulders. “Hang on, hang on, let me—” he says, reaching around Steve, and suddenly there’s light.
Eddie’s curls are hanging in front of Steve’s face, tickling his nose as he retracts his hand from the light switch outside the closet that he’d flicked on.
It’s jarring after so long in the dull light, but Eddie’s beaming when he pulls back to look in Steve’s face, smile brighter than any light Steve’s ever seen.
Steve smiles back, helpless in the face of his stupid dimples. He reaches out to thumb one of them, and it deepens as Eddie laughs and nuzzles into the touch.
“Wait, stop distracting me!”
Steve twists his thumb around in the dimple before tweaking his cheek between pointer and thumb like a doting grandmother. Eddie smacks his hand.
“Stop it!”
“You love it,” Steve says, trailing his fingers down his cheek to settle at the join between neck and shoulder, fingers pushing beneath his t-shirt and resting there.
“Whatever, dude,” Eddie replies. He looks down at his own hands as he spins his rings the way he does when he’s nervous. “It was supposed to be romantic.” He says it with all the same inflections as Steve had, smiling like nothing makes him happier than mocking Steve.
Steve squeezes his shoulder until it drops for its tense position. “Well?” he asks. “Romance me, then.”
Eddie snorts, cheeks pinkening. Steve watches his fingers dance from ring to ring to ring before pulling one of his pinkie and holding it in his palm.
Steve squints down at it. Eddie’s mussed bangs partially block his view, but he sees enough to recognize it.
It’s the smallest and most delicate of all Eddie’s rings—a thin silver band with a tiny green gem inlaid in the center. Aside from showering and sleeping, it perpetually rests on Eddie’s left pinkie finger.
Eddie slips it on Steve’s own pinkie. It fits snuggly below his knuckle, already warm from Eddie’s body heat. Steve stares down at it, transfixed. Eddie’s hands look naked without his rings, but on Steve, it looks almost bizarre to have even the one finger adorned.
Steve wiggles his finger around, watching the metal catch the light pleasingly.
Eddie’s smirking when Steve looks up at him. “I don’t know if you remember, but that little bad boy’s the one that fell out of your pants.”
It takes a minute for the memory to click. “In the Upside-Down?” he asks, looking down at the ring with new eyes. “When your hand got stuck in my pants?”
Eddie sputters, muttering something that sounds like, “don’t’ say it like that,” before he raises his voice and continues, “just feels right to give it back.”
He reaches fingers out to twist the ring on Steve’s own finger. The glide’s not smooth—it catches on Steve’s clammy skin as he watches, transfixed.
“We’ve come full circle, you know?”
Once he’s finished speaking, he pulls his Steve’s hand up to his lips, placing such a soft kiss against the ring that Steve’s breath catches.
“Thanks,” Steve croaks out, choking in the moths fluttering away in his lungs. There’s an infestation in there. He puts a hand on his own chest after Eddie lowers their hands and swears he can feel them flapping. “Are you ready to get the hell out of here?”
He doesn’t wait for a response, just turns, pulling Eddie along by their still-joined hands. Eddie clicks the light switch by the closet off, and they stumble the rest of the way to the bedroom door in complete darkness.
“I don’t know, this might be my last chance to make a coming out of the closet joke.”
The hallway’s dark when Steve opens the door, so he clicks on the light, unwilling to stumble down the stairs in the dark.
“What do you mean?” Steve asks, not turning around as he begins his descent.
“You know because we just made out in a closet?” Steve hums questioningly and Eddie starts up again. “Stevie, you know? Because I’m gay?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Eddie doesn’t respond until Steve’s at the bottom of the stairs. “Angel, are you serious?” He spins Steve around, latching onto his shoulders and peering into his eyes. “Are you fucking with me?”
Steve, who’s decidedly not fucking with him and is frankly entirely lost, just blinks up at him where he’s leaning forward on the last stair.
He shrugs, entirely lost.
They stare at each other in silence, maintaining intense eye contact the entire time.
Eddie cracks first. “Oh my god,” he says, leaning forward precariously on his perch to smoosh his face into Steve’s shoulder, groaning. “How did this happen?”
“I’m…sorry?” Steve says, patting Eddie’s shoulder in consolation of what appears to have been a mighty blow.
“I thought at least Carol would have told you.”
“Shit, Carol!” Steve turns quickly, striding toward the kitchen and more importantly, the phone. It’s only after he’s already moved that he remembers Eddie was leaning on him for balance. By then, Eddie’s already sputtering as he slips down the first step, slipping down to the ground floor, luckily staying upright. “I promised I’d call her right away.”
He lets his fingers do his thing, and Carol picks up so quickly that the phone barely rings. “Well?” she demands, voice crackling with impatience through the line.
“I told him,” Steve replies, knowing without asking what she wanted to hear. Eddie shuffles up behind him and hooks his chin over Steve’s shoulder, pressing his ear to the back side of the phone. “And he kissed me.”
Carol squeals like they’re at sleepover, and Eddie wraps his arms around Steve’s waist.
“Did you follow our plan?”
Steve grimaces at the thought of standing here through Carol’s teasing with Eddie as a devout witness. “For the most part,” he hedges, cringing when that makes Eddie laugh.
“What does that mean?” she demands.
Eddie snatches the phone from him, holding it out in front of them both as he says, “our boy here went off script.” Eddie squeezes Steve’s waist, leaning forward when the tinny sound of Carol’s laugh filters through. “Had me half convinced he was ditching me for you and Hagan.”
Carol’s shrieking with laughter at this point. Steve stares, mortified at the phone as Carol yells, “I told you we should’ve written it down!”
Steve sinks into Eddie’s chest, mortified as Eddie buries his face in Steve’s shoulder and shakes with laughter.
Steve snatches the phone out of his hand and pushes it hard against his other ear, hoping that’ll muffle any horrible thing she says enough that Eddie won’t be able to hear it.
“Shut up,” Steve hisses, like staying quiet will somehow make Eddie unaware of how warm Steve’s cheek is where it’s pressed against his forehead.
“Are you going to talk to Loverboy with that mouth?” she asks. He can almost hear the way her eyes are twinkling as she says it.
Steve groans, letting his chin sink into his own chest. He closes his eyes, ready to be somewhere else for a while. Unfortunately, that doesn’t stopper his ears up, and Carol’s not done.
“You know, if things don’t work out with Munson—”
“They will!”
“Hagan might be out of the picture, but Barb and I could always leave a little room between us for a ménage à troi—"
Steve hangs up.
“Ready to go?” Steve asks brightly.
Eddie starts laughing again when the phone starts to ring, but dutifully follows when Steve keeps walking to the front door.
The click of the lock sounds final when he twists the key in.
There’s a missing spot on his keyring where it used to have its home. But it’s never belonged on the same ring as the Munson’s trailer key, so he puts it back in its hiding spot with no hesitation.
He does hesitate when he pulls out his keyring. There’s not much left on it—the Munson’s trailer key and his car keys. That’s all there is.
He hesitates, fingers hovering over his car keys. He’s been hesitating over this for weeks. Since he’d first gotten back from the Upside-Down and the beemer stuck out like a sore thumb in the driveway.
Since his Dad had held out his beckoning hand in the hospital room and demanded the keys back. He’d cleared out all his belongings that week, waiting for them to tow it away, take the last thing aside from his name that ties them together.
But, it’d been rotting in the Munson’s driveway ever since.
And Steve’s still hesitating—always, always, hesitating.
But then Eddie asks, “Stevie?” and he pulls them off the ring like it’s nothing.
He opens the driver’s side door and tucks the keys into the visor where he used to hang his sunglasses.
“Are you okay with walking home?” Steve asks, turning his back on the car, and the house, and this life for the last time.
Eddie’s brow is furrowed as he meets Steve’s eyes, but whatever he sees must appease him because soon enough he’s smiling, something dangerously close to pride shining in his eyes.
“Of course,” he says, skipping up to Steve’s side and matching him step for step as they walk down the Harrington’s long driveway. “But, if you were going to pull this, why didn’t I just follow you in my van?”
He bumps their shoulders together, good-natured and teasing even while facing a long walk home in the dark.
“I wasn’t sure I’d actually do it until I’d already done it,” Steve replies, stepping off the driveway and onto the smooth sidewalk that only the rich neighborhoods in Hawkins seem to have.
“Yeah,” Eddie replies, so softly in the quiet of the night. “It makes perfect sense.”
Hawkins is a small town, but here in the dark on an abandoned street, it feels safe enough to reach out and take Eddie’s hand.
Part 114
#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#steddie upsidedown au#my fic#huzzah!!!! Originally I WAS going to have the car towed. But I think it works better as Steve making the choice to let go of the ties#that come with it. Yes. He could've given it to his dad when he asked in the hospital. but that would've been an FU to steve and this#is more of an FU to them since it's very. Ok whatever. I don't need you and I don't even want to see you to TELL YOU THAT#anyway. this is the end of the getting together era. Everyone is on the same page. Carol knows. Boom
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Hi hiii, I'd read your Robin in a nest of bats a while ago, and found it again recently. Its, I'm my opinion, one of the best reverse Robin's au's out there. I'm not sure if it's a headcanon, but pretty much every Damian and Dick fic has damian sometimes calling Dick baba. Could you write a fic where Dick see's Damian as a father figure, and calls him dad in either Romani or Arabic?
Aw thank you! You got it!
Dick believed he was cursed to lose everyone he loved.
Maybe it was an exaggeration, but Dick had already experienced so much loss during his short life. After losing his parents, Dick thought there was nothing left to live for in this world. Thankfully, Bruce had been kind enough to take him in and give him a new family. He had siblings and aunts and uncles...
...and a father again.
The pain from losing his parents would never truly go away, but his new family's presence was able to soothe it, and Dick let himself believe that he could give his heart freely.
He should have known that nothing good lasts forever.
Dick didn't really remember the moment he was told that Bruce died. He remembers screaming and screaming and screaming, but other than that it's a blur. He remembered someone holding him, though he wasn't sure who. He just knew that the arms were strong and warm, and they were the one thing keeping him from falling to pieces, never to be put back together again.
There was a terrifying moment when he came back to himself where he wondered where he would go. He had no trust in the Gotham Family and Children Services, and they certainly had no love for him. There was no way Dick would get a third chance, and he knew that if he went back in their custody, he would certainly die.
Even if it was by his own hand-
Not to mention that Jason and Tim were also under the spotlight. Tim was a little safer since he was 17, and GFCS weren't really looking to find another place for him, but Jason was 13 and also prime for the taking.
Thankfully, Damian fought hard to keep them in the family. Dick had seen Damian angry before, but never like this. He could still see the social worker cowering as Damian ripped into them for even thinking of taking his brothers away. Dick had been hiding behind him, clinging to Damian for dear life. The rest of his family surrounded him, eyes shadowed as they glared at the social worker. The man practically ran from the Manor once it was clear that Damian was not letting them go.
Dick never mentioned the fear he had seen in Jason's eyes that day, and Jason never mentioned it either.
Dick had never really cared for Bruce's money before, but he was thankful for it when Damian hired the best lawyers available. It wasn't an easy fight, but the court was no match against the unstoppable force that was Damian, Steph, and Cass.
Even after being being told that he and Jason could stay with them, the Manor still received random "wellness checks" to make sure that they were being taken care of properly. It pissed Dick off to no end, but Steph explained that Bruce had gone through the very same thing when he had first started taking in kids. It didn't really make him feel better, but he figured that if Bruce had been fine, Damian would be fine too.
Dick's family was slowly falling apart around him. Tim had run off to prove that Bruce wasn't really dead, and Stephanie had followed after to make sure he didn't die. Jason was locking himself up in the library more and more, and he knew that Cass would often sneak in and sit with him as a silent support. Dick found himself gravitating towards Damian more and more, following the man around like a duckling as he put out metaphorical fires and worked on transferring everything to his and Steph's name.
With everyone else either gone or distracted, it was Damian who primarily took care of Dick. Despite how busy Damian was with his new responsibilities, he still made time for Dick. It was Damian who read to him when he asked. It was Damian's arms he woke up in after screaming himself awake from nightmares. It was Damian who held him while he cried for Bruce and took him out for ice cream after to try to make him feel better. It was Damian who made sure he still made it to school and ate three meals a day.
"You must keep your strength up," Damian said, hands on Dick's shoulders. "You have walked through Hell before, and you can do it again."
Dick's lip wobbled, "I don't know if I can. I'm tired, Dami."
His older brother squeezed his shoulders. "You will not be walking alone. You will never be alone again, not if I have anything to say about it."
The tears spilled over. "But you can't promise that! What if you die too?"
Damian's face spasmed for a moment before smoothing out. Dick didn't comment on it, still trying to keep himself together as best as he could.
His eyes widened in shock as he suddenly found Damian's arms around him, pulling him close to the man. He tensed up, unsure what to do.
"This will not be like the circus, Richard. Father and I have made sure of it. I won't say it's impossible that something will happen to me or our siblings, but even without us, you are not alone. Were anything to happen, multiple members of the Justice League, Timothy's Young Justice, and even Stephanie and Cassandra's Birds of Prey have volunteered to step up to take you in."
"Really?" Dick asked, breath hitching.
Damian pulled back, moving his hand up to cup the back of Dick's head. "Have I ever lied to you?"
Dick shook his head, too overwhelmed with love and relief to reply.
Dick knew that Damian was trying his best, going far out of his comfort zone to continue providing care and comfort to Dick. He was putting up such a strong front that it took Dick much longer than he believed it should have for him to realize that Damian was struggling too. Even after all the years living with Bruce, Damian still struggled with showing his emotions at times. Dick knew Damian believed he had to be the strong one for his siblings, but Dick thought the others sometimes forgot that Damian had lost his father too—his biological father.
Dick saw the cracks under Damian's shield one night when he went to Damian's room after a nightmare.
"Dami?" Dick whispered as he opened his older brother's door. Dick had expected his older brother to be asleep, but he was surprised to see Damian already sitting up and jerking in surprise at Dick's voice.
Damian cleared his throat and set something aside. "Ah, Richard."
Dick hesitated at the doorway. "Are you busy?"
Damian let out a breath and waved the boy over. "No. No, come in."
Dick climbed onto the bed and leaned against his older brother.
Damian glanced down at him. "Another nightmare?" Dick nodded silently, and Damian let out a sigh. "You can stay here tonight."
"Thanks, Dami." Dick's eyes drifted over to the item Damian had set aside. It looked like a picture frame. "What were you looking at?"
He felt Damian stiffen, and there was a beat of silence.
"...Did I say something wrong?"
"No! No." Dick flinched as Damian turned towards him. Dick still didn't look convinced, so Damian sighed and picked up the picture frame, holding it out for Dick to take.
It was a little difficult to see with only the light from Damian's lone lamp, but it looked like a much younger Bruce with a very young Damian. Dick swallowed back the sudden wave of tears and studied the photo closer. Damian looked to be about his age and was frowning in the picture while Bruce had a small smile on his face. Dick stared at the young Damian, resting his fingers on the glass above the boy's face.
"This was taken just a few months after I came to the Manor. I was still getting used to being with Father, but we had had a good day that day, and Alfred wanted to commemorate it."
"You look so grumpy. Were you always as grumpy as you are now?"
Damian rolled his eyes. "I suppose I was by your definition. Showing emotion often meant weakness in the League of Assassins, so I was taught to hide them. Even with Father's and everyone else's influence, that never really went away."
Dick beamed up at him. "That's okay! I like you just the way you are!"
Damian's eyes softened, and Dick couldn't help but feel proud that he could make Damian relax. "Thank you, Richard."
They both fell silent as they looked at the picture, before Dick spoke up again.
"Is hiding your emotions why you always call Bruce 'Father?' Did you always call him that?"
"Somewhat, yes. 'Father' is a less emotional word than 'Dad' or 'Tati' as you used with your own father, as well as any other word. It also showed the respect I felt for him as I had been raised on stories about him from my mother before meeting him when I was ten."
"So, you always called him that?"
Damian was silent for a moment. "...No. When I was very young, I would call him 'Baba' around my mother. It is the Arabic word for 'father.'"
Dick blinked before smiling. He wrapped his arms around Damian and closed his eyes, nearly falling asleep due to the late hour. "'Baba.' That sounds cool. Thanks for sharing with me, Dami."
"...You're welcome, Richard."
They fell asleep not long after that, both taking comfort in each other's presence.
Dick thought about that conversation a lot over the next few weeks. He and Damian continued to grow even closer. and Dick had a crisis as he realized he was starting to see Damian the same way he saw Bruce when he came to the Manor. Dick tried to deny it—Damian was his older brother, not a father figure—but Damian had taken on Bruce's role as his caretaker, and Dick could not deny that that had somewhat changed their dynamic.
Dick ended up avoiding Damian for a few days, wracked with guilt about replacing his dad and Bruce. He knew there was nothing wrong with seeing Damian as a father figure as he had worked through this guilt the first time it happened with Bruce (and a therapist), but he still couldn't help but feel this way.
It all came to a head when Dick was injured during patrol. One of Penguin's goons caught him by surprise and got a good hit in, resulting in Dick getting a concussion. Damian had rushed him back as soon as the Penguin had been captured, cursing the entire way. Dick wasn't sure he had ever heard Damian be so vulgar.
The ride back was a blur—one moment he was in the Batmobile and the next he was being tucked into bed by Damian. Dick squinted up at Damian, struggling to figure out what was happening, but Damian was being unusually gentle, and Dick was tempted to just lay back and enjoy it while he could.
"D'mi...?"
"Get some rest, Richard. You are suffering from a concussion, but you should feel better in the morning. I will be here to wake you every few hours to check on you."
Dick hummed. Sleep was quickly claiming him, and his bed felt so nice. If Dick closed his eyes, he could almost imagine that it was Bruce and not Damian. Dick felt a pang in his heart, but he was far too exhausted for it to have much effect.
"'Kay... Night, Baba..."
He heard Damian inhale sharply, but Dick was asleep before he could ask.
(When Damian tried to bring it up the next morning, Dick would have no idea what he was talking about.)
#reverse batfamily#anon#ask#my fic#dick grayson#damian wayne#robin#reverse robins#reverse robins au#reverse batfamily au#i feel evil#but not evil enough to change the ending#batman#batman fic
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Hear me out:
Arranged marriage au David & Sweetheart who are absolutely distraught at the idea of marrying a stranger but willing to do it out of duty but then become friends when they realize they don’t actually have to kiss and also… the other’s personal guard is pretty cute (Milo is David’s guard and Angel is Sweetheart’s vv)
I'm finally getting around to this, be grateful (/j)
No, but seriously, I've been thinking about this strand of AU for so long (as Max can attest because he lives with me and therefore is subject to the horrors of my rambling) and I will take this AU to my grave. Moving on, a small snippet based off of this (with the whispers of this being updated in the future/made into a series).
(small note: Sweetheart will be referred to as Culver for the most part, and David will call them Dear/my Heart for appearances. Angel will be referred to as Red for the most part. Of course, the pairings will use the canon nicknames but I have to stretch a few things.)
Pairing: David & Sweetheart, David/Angel, Milo/Sweetheart (technically, they just aren't prominent atm)
WC: 1355
Rating: Gen.
max is talking about this post.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───
"I cannot believe this is happening," Culver said, stretching out their back. The horse ride wasn't that far, but they hadn't taken a break yet and it's already been a few hours.
"Cheer up, Culver," Red chirped. "I hear that this king-to-be is very handsome."
"You know I've never been one for looks, Red," Culver said, rolling their eyes.
"I also hear that he's a great leader. In nearly every circumstance you two will be perfect for each other," Red said.
"Or, we'll be at each other's throats because we have different opinions," Culver muttered. "Besides, I don't know him! He could be a complete tyrant for all I know," they continued, back at their normal volume.
"Do you really think your parents would do that to you?" Red asked.
"They would send me to someone they thought that I could "fix"," Culver defended. "You know how they are."
"Aye, I do know how they are," Red caved. "I'm sure it will be fine, either way. You're a lovable person. It'll be easy for him to fall in love."
"I don't want him to fall in love after we're married," Culver said, barely keeping the whine out of their tone. "That's cheating. It isn't genuine, it's a forced proximity thing."
"Well, I don't know what to tell you," Red sighed. "But I will always be here to support you, your grace, you know that."
Culver relaxed, a small huff escaping their lips, "And I thank you for that, Red. I don't know what I'd do without you."
Red gave them a wink, turning back to the trail in front of them. As they came up to a bend, Red trotted ahead of Culver to ensure that the coast was clear.
Culver still wasn't looking forward to any of this, though.
~~~
"I can't believe this is happening," David muttered, tugging at the collar of his shirt. It was hot outside, too hot to be wearing his full regalia.
"I hear that your betrothed is very good at governing," Milo offered, trying to cheer David up.
"Really?"
Milo shrugged, "It's all I have left. You shot down the fact that they're the handsomest person in their kingdom. You shot down the fact that they were beloved by their people. You shooting down this. I don't know what to tell you that will get you excited for this new chapter in your life," Milo said.
"You're not going to. They're a stranger. The only reason I'm going along with it is because it would be stupid to turn down such a powerful alliance."
"Well, the good news is, once the wedding is over, you don't have to interact with them outside of publicity events," Milo offered. "Or, you fall in love with them after the wedding."
"That's superficial," David grumbled. "How do I know if I really love them or if it's just because they're here?"
Milo shrugged. "Only so much I can do, boss," he said.
A guard signalled the arrival of someone at the gate, and before David knew it, two horses were trotting down the path. David took a deep breath.
"Here we go," he muttered.
One thing is for sure, the rumours about their beauty weren't a lie. The royal was very attractive. It didn't make David feel any better about this arrangement. They slipped off the back of their horse, assisted by their knight. They approached, smile on their face. once they were a few feet away, they bowed.
"Your Majesty," they said. David approached as they straightened. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you."
"The pleasure is all mine," David said, bending to kiss their hand. "Please, come inside, my dad will be pleased to meet you."
Culver accepted, taking David's outstretched arm, interlinking them. David led them into the castle, followed by the two knights. Culver kept their eyes dutifully forward. David half wondered to himself what their intentions were. Were they excited for this? Did they have any plans? What did they know? How much power were they looking for?
Gabe was in the study, as he knew he would be. He always was here when they were expecting guests. He said that it made people feel more comfortable, and he got better arrangments out of it. It was in this room that it was decided he was to marry this stranger. David wondered just how much good luck it actually brought.
The conversation with his dad went off without a hitch. Culver was a hit with him, making him laugh and smile. His parents loved them. They seemed to know exactly what to say, and knew how to correct their mistakes (which were few and far between). David had no doubt they were a beast in political settings, getting what they wanted in the most efficient way possible.
Eventually, his dad excused himself.
"I should leave you two alone to get to know each other," his father said. "I should check up on your welcome dinner, anyway. Only the best for my son's spouse."
"Dad," David muttered.
"I'll see you two later," Gabe cut him off before leaving.
Culver seemed to deflate the second that the knights closed the door behind him. David was surprised, to say the least.
"Listen," they started, rubbing at their eyes, "I'm sure you're a nice guy, but you have to know."
"Know what?" David asked, shifting in his chair.
Culver took a deep breath. "I don't want to marry you. I never had any interest in marrying you, I just know that this will help my people. That's the only reason I'm here."
David felt a wave of relief wash over him. "Thank god," he muttered.
"Excuse me?" Culver asked.
"I'm so glad we're on the same page about this," David said. "I admire you being upfront about this."
"What else was I going to do? Lie? I only lie if I need to," Culver said. "It wouldn't benefit me to lie to you now. Especially since I was under the impression you wanted this."
"No, not at all," David said. "I was told that you were the one with the idea, actually."
"You're kidding," Culver said. "Is that what my parents said? No surprise, I guess, but still. Lord, cannot believe they would lie like that."
"So you don't want to get married to me?" David asked.
"Not at all," Sweetheart assured. "I'd much rather be running my own kingdom right about now, but this was the best thing to happen to my kingdom since I was young. This contract will be promising to my people."
David felt a smile creeping across his face. "That's how I feel, as well."
"That... was surprisingly easy," Culver said. "You're really okay with me having no interest in you whatsoever?"
"Absolutely," David said. "So long as you agree to keep up appearances and not fuck over me or my kingdom."
Culver chuckled, and it didn't sound at all like how they laughed before. Was David close to hearing what their real laugh sounded like? "Well, I definitely don't have plans for fucking you over. I'll keep up appearances if it means that I'll have my parents off my back, among other things."
"Well, good," David said, nodding.
There was a knock at the door, and then Milo was poking his head in. "Sir, you're being summoned by your father."
"I'll be right out," David said. "In the meantime, show Culver and their knight to their rooms, please?"
"Right away, sir."
David stood up, holding his hand out to Culver. They took it, standing up themselves. "I will see you at dinner," David said.
"Yes you will," Culver smiled. They were ushered out of the room by their knight.
David followed after a moment, Milo holding the door open. Once he was out, Milo shot him a look before leading the other two down the hall. Culver turned slightly to wave at him, that smile still there.
Perhaps this could work out, David thought, since they were already so in sync. Maybe they could be friends after all of this.
Only time would tell, he guessed.
#redacted audio#redactedverse#redacted milo#redacted sweetheart#redacted audio milo#redacted audio sweetheart#redacted david#redacted audio david#redacted angel#redacted audio angel#redactedverse au#redacted audio au#AU: Royalty#AU: Knights#Forbidden love#kinda#and not in this one#Arranged marriage#oh yeah. this is going somewhere.
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I’ll Call You Mine | Nell Jackson
masterlist
summary: finding a suitor was hard when everyone in london wanted your sister and not you; at least until nell jackson arrived
pairing: lesbian! nell jackson x lesbian bridgerton! reader
words: 1.6k
a/n: basically a nell jackson bridgerton au hehe
Life as a Bridgerton was not always as easy as the people of the ton thought. Yes, you were a respected family and influential but it came with a price. You loved your sister dearly but having to compete with her when you knew she would always be ahead of you was not a comfortable situation to be in. People looked at Daphne first. Greeted her first. And now that Lady Whistledown declared her the diamond of the first water it had you feeling down. Daphne was beautiful and gentle and deserved nothing more than to be called the diamond of the season. But it was only further proof of her excellence, something you were not in possession of.
Callers came early in the morning and left early in the afternoon. All for Daphne, not a single one for you.
The next day it was the same, only quieter. A few callers came for Daphne, gifting her flowers and jewels. You sat on the sofa reading Jane Austen’s new novel when the staff announced there was another caller.
“Miss Jackson is here for Y/n.” He announced and seconds after a brown haired lady entered the room with the most unusual style of clothes. She wore a billowy white shirt, dark trousers and a matching waistcoat and jacket. A woman in men’s clothing. Yet she looked marvellous.
“Miss Jackson,” your mother stepped towards her with a concealed confused expression. “It is calling hour.”
“I am aware, Lady Bridgerton.” She said, “I’m here to call on Miss Y/n Bridgerton.”
She turned her head to meet your figure hiding in the far back of the room. You smiled at her as you took her in. She was beautiful. The type of beauty you would see beyond your day, wondering whether or not you would see them again. She had light brown hair, contrasting her skin that bore freckles across the apples of her cheeks and nose. Her smile was white and welcoming.
She came over to where you were now standing. “Miss Nell Jackson. I hope you don’t mind me saying that you are the most ethereal woman I have ever met.”
You felt the apples of your cheeks turn warm, thanking her and offering her the seat next to yours. “Normally calling hours are for men interested in the ton’s ladies,” you smiled.
“I am very well aware of the rules, Miss Y/n. I hope you are not bothered by my presence. I assure you if you feel uncomfortable I can leave—“
“Would you like to get acquainted with the garden?” You cut her off, deep down knowing that even if it was unusual for a woman to call upon another, you didn’t want her to leave.
“I would be delighted to.” She smiled in agreement.
You guided her towards the hallways where you briefly met your mother’s confused stare with the shrug of your shoulder. It was different but you liked it.
In the garden you sat on the swings your father built before he died. You had asked her if she wanted to sit down on the bench but she insisted that the swings were just fine.
“Excuse me for being so direct, Miss Jackson, but I do not know you nor do I believe we have ever seen each other…how is it you know me?”
“I must admit I’ve admired you from afar the last few weeks and was unsure whether to visit you during calling hours. I hope you do not feel awkward about all this”
“I do not.” You smiled at her. “I am rather enjoying myself.”
Nell smiled softly, the sunlight reflecting in her eyes as you caught yourself staring at her lips. Gently pressing against each other as her feet pushed her back and forth.
“I suppose you are looking for a wife this season?”
“Indeed I am.”
“What do you look for?”
“If I may be so direct but I think I already found what I’ve been looking for.”
You raised your eyebrows ever so slightly, taken aback by her choice of words. You admitted that you were glad to know of her intentions. It had only been thirty minutes but they showed you her true kind hearted nature. You were immediately smitten with her.
“Is that so?”
“Yes.”
“Well then I hope we meet each other at the Fraser’s ball in the upcoming days. I hope you will write down your name on my card?”
“I will find you before the night ends.” She reached out to place a kiss on your hand.
You cleared your throat, “Shall we ehm go back, it is most inappropriate to spend more than thirty minutes alone.”
“Of course, Miss Y/n.”
Back at the house you said your goodbyes and joined your mamma back in the drawing room, picking up the book Colin had gifted you from his travels.
“You cannot see her again.” Your mamma came through the door as soon as you heard the front door close. “People will talk of this if they find out.” She braced herself against the sofa.
“Why?”
“Because a woman called on you, Y/n!” She raised her voice but you could tell she didn’t mean to. “It is not done.”
“But I like her,”
“It doesn’t matter.” She breathed out heavily. “What if Lady Whistledown were to know of this. The entirety of the ton would know by tomorrow morning.”
Just as she finished her sentence Eloise and Penelope joined the room. Penelope greeted you with a smile.
“Well I like her, Mama.” You stood up and walked towards the end of the room to start reading.
“What happened?” Eloise asked.
“A Miss Nell Jackson called on your sister today.”
“A woman?”
Your mamma nodded.
“How exhilarating.”
“We will not speak of this again.”
A few days later the newest edition of Lady Whistledown appeared on your front door.
Dearest gentle readers,
prepare your smelling salts and hold on to your bonnets, for a revelation that will set the ton abuzz. In a society where the heart's true desires are often overshadowed by rigid expectations and whispered disapproval, it is high time we lift the veil on a most beautiful truth: love, in all its splendid forms, deserves celebration.
This author has observed, with no small amount of admiration, the tender affections shared between individuals of the same sex. These connections, whether whispered in secret gardens or displayed with courage at the grandest of balls, are as genuine and profound as any other. They speak to the very essence of what it means to be human: the desire to love and be loved without constraint or fear.
So, let us cast aside the shackles of convention and prejudice. Let us embrace a society where love, whether between gentlemen, ladies, or any soul in between, is met with the same respect and honour we afford all tender unions. For is it not love, dear readers, that makes the world a more delightful place? The heart knows no bounds, and neither should our acceptance of its many splendid forms.
We are all the creations of God and if he disapproved of equal live then why create it at all?
Yours Truly, Lady Whistledown
Even weeks after Lady Whistdown’s controversial edition the ton was still abuzz. Whilst very few disagreed, the majority had agreed with what was written. Multiple people since then had come forward about their true loves. It made you think of Nell. The last time you saw her was at the ball. She danced with you despite everyone’s eyes on you and all their mouths whispering of the scene in front of them
By the time the ton had settled it was inevitable to try and make society disapprove of the past events that by the time Lord and Lady Smythe-Smith held their annual ball, multiple same sex couples attended.
You were upset that you hadn’t seen Nell for quite some time. Ever since Whistledown she had disappeared. She wasn’t seen at any balls or in society as a whole. Tonight's ball had you wearing a pink gown with the most beautiful necklace that had been left for you by an anonymous person. Standing by the lemonade table you silently sulked next to your mamma as you watched the others dance. You were about to lean your head on your mamma’s shoulder when suddenly a familiar face showed up in front of you.
“Lady Bridgerton, Miss Bridgerton, you must excuse my absence as I was unsure of what to do with the scandal that was the past weeks.” She admitted. “May I,” she turned her head to face you, “have your next dance?”
You looked at your mamma who slowly smiled and nodded, approving of your union.
“Yes I would like that very much.”
“I hope you don’t mind me writing my name down for all three dances?”
You let out a small laugh, “Not at all,”
“Beautiful necklace.”
“Someone sent it to me.”
“Do you know who it was?”
“Of course I know it was you, Nellie Jackson.” You whispered into her ear as you watched her smile, talking your arms and guiding you towards the dance floor.
#renegade nell fanfic#renegade nell imagine#renegade nell#renegade nell fanart#nell jackson fanfic#nell jackson imagines#nell jackson imagine#nell jackson x reader#nell jackson#louisa harland#louisa harland x reader#louisa harland imagine#bridgerton#bridgerton au#renegade nell x bridgerton#renegade nell bridgerton
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Your lovely guitarist (Part 2!)
Pairing: Guitarist! Student! Beomgyu x Reader
Genre: university au, series
Summary: you're studying at university and living your mundane life, that is, until you meet Beomgyu. What will it lead to? Only time can tell.
Semester exams, or ways to deal with anxiety
The next day came and so did the exams.
You've been sitting down in the hallways, tapping your foot on the floor as you waited for the professor to ask you to come in. That was when you noticed Beomgyu from your peripheral vision sitting down just a bench away from you. He didn't seem so anxious as you were. To tell the truth, he didn't seem anxious at all.
"Does he really not feel nervous or is it all just an act?" you thought to yourself when suddenly an idea crossed your mind. No, it was almost an urge to come and talk to him. Your mouth opened to form words, almost involuntarily.
"Hey, how do you cope with stress so well?" you asked out loud. Seems like your brain decided to act up for you if you couldn't bring yourself to do it on your own accord.
You saw Beomguy's head turn into your direction.
"I just found my own ways to relax and get rid of stress", the guy answered calmly, his gaze wandering to the window for a moment before settling on your face.
"Oh, is playing the guitar one of them?" you grinned subtly.
"Ah, so you noticed?" he rose an eyebrow for a second in surprise before turning all smiles. "It is, indeed."
You nodded, "You seem to play so peacefully, as if there are no problems in the world at all."
"When I play, all the problems truly leave my mind", Beomgyu confirmed. "Playing and composing has calmed me for years now, you know".
"Oh, so you compose as well?" another question escaped from you, this time his words leaving you wonder if he was some kind of genius. He seemed capable of doing anything and everything, really.
"I could play you a few of my songs sometime if you want to", the guy suggested, giving you just the perfect opportunity to get closer.
"I'd love to", you replied simply, but genuinely as your lips formed a small smile.
"Miss Y/N, you may come in", a voice behind you sounded, indicating your turn to go into the examination room.
A look of worry crossed your face as the smile disappeared, your expression revealing all the anxieties you tried to overcome. You slowly got up, turning your back to Beomgyu as you began walking into the classroom.
Suddenly you felt someone's hand tap your shoulder as a gentle voice came just from behind you.
"Take it easy, Y/N. I'm sure you'll do just great," once Beomgyu's hot breath hit your neck, you felt your knees get only more shaky.
"I will, thank you", you muttered, walking into the classroom as the door shut behind your back.
#txt#txt fanfic#txt fluff#txt imagines#txt x reader#txt x y/n#txt x you#beomgyu fluff#beomgyu imagines#choi beomgyu#beomgyu#beomgyu x reader#beomgyu fic#beomgyu x you#beomgyu x y/n#tomorrow x together#tubatu#txt fic#txt au#college au#uni au#university au#kpop fic#kpop#my fic#fiction#beomgyu fanfic#sfw fanfic#fanfic#fanfiction
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🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥 Secret Shanghai Edition
the character everyone gets wrong
Marshall. He is canonically an excellent cook, s why are we convinced he'd set something on fire if left alone in the kitchen?
a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom
no comment
screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr
EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME I have seen Alisa and Phoebe shipped (let aroace people live and bisexuals are still bisexual even in a seemingly hetero relationship) or those takes I've seen on TikTok of people shipping Rosalind and Benedikt and Celia and Marshall if I weren't on my computer I would put sooooo many barf emojis here
what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?
luckily nothing yet I believe
worst discord server and why
mine with my friends its sooo annoying how we have incredibly amazing and intelligent and sometimes incoherent conversations like guys we're the worst (sarcasm)
which ship fans are the most annoying?
like I said, anyone who ships the above things needs to stay 10 feet away from me at all times and undergo intense media literacy training
what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?
I think everyone's answer for this is Oliver. I'm so sorry we (especially me tbh) did you so dirty pre fhh I promise we've learnt our lesson!
common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about
Oliver loves cats. incorrect. Cats are his entire life. there is a difference, and we need to recognize it.
worst part of canon
roma and Alisa's dad just disappeared before I could beat him up
worst part of fanon
we're too funny my stomach literally hurts from laughing too hard sometimes. Seriously though, the above ship takes that make my blood boil, as well as some complaints about how a lot of us talk about how we think certain characters are neurodivergent/disabled. While I think some of those are actually considered canon, I don't understand why people are so made that we (a relatively neurospicy bunch) are identifying the parts of characters we relate to and labeling them. We're doing you no harm and not interfering with your ability to enjoy the characters. Shouldn't it be a good thing that we're able to identify with the characters? Just mind your business. (also anyone who erases Rosalind's and Alisa's aroaceness that is indeed canon and I hope both sides of your pillow are too warm)
number of fandom-related words you've filtered
I don't think any
the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them
I don't think anyone hates these guys, but why don't we ever talk about the couple from LVC? They were so sweet, and I'm kind of sad we didn't get any mention of them in FHH.
worst blorboficiation
I feel like a bad Tumblr user, but I don't know what this means. is this like uwu-ification?
that one thing you see in fics all the time
@typingwithmyhandstied 's GENIUS
that one thing you see in fanart all the time
Juliette always has the appropriate amount of knives thank you very much for that guys :)
you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)
I personally don't get into the Rosalind is a vampire thing, but I'm cheering you guys on from afar (im just not into vampires lol)
there should be more of this type of fic/art
idk I should probably work on my university au
it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...
the fact that not only did she feel comfortable falling asleep around Orion (see one of @no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist 's recent posts) but Rosalind was also muttering in French in that scene. Her dominant language. She was both out of it enough/comfortable enough with him that she dropped the I was raised in American fake accent and just started speaking normally in this essay I will- basically we need to talk more about the use of multilingualism in the ss books
you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...
past me would be horrified to know that I like Oliver now
part of canon you found tedious or boring
I think TVD can be a bit boring sometimes, but that makes sense, since it was Chloe's debut, and she's grown immensely since then
part of canon you think is overhyped
the seagreen trio is overrated (they are literally my favorite characters)
your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores
THE MULTILIGUALISM
ship you've unwillingly come around to
Olivercelia. Like I said, I was his strongest hater pre fhh. Now I see what she clearly sees in him.
topic that brings up the most rancid discourse
discourse on ss Tumblr is mostly joking. my personal favorite is when @marsneedstherapy and I pretend to yell at each other in different languages
common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing
"no one appreciates x enough" I do. I love them.
#enjoy this took me all afternoon#chloe gong#secret shanghai#foul lady fortune#foul heart huntsman#writergracethepanda#these violent delights#our violent ends
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Hey there! In an attempt to spread some Writer Positivity, I'd like you to share five (or more, if you'd like to!) memorable quotes by your characters, across your fics!
They can be fun, silly, romantic, anything that exemplifies your writing!
Thanks for sharing <3
Hii Mads 💚
OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS QUESTION SO SO MUCH 😻 (and sorry for answering so late life’s been super busy lately 😅)
Bryce Lahela from Cake by the Ocean
”Nice fruit loop on your face. Newest fashion trend?“ he teases.
Bryce Lahela from ”How were we ever strangers.“
“I said yes people. That’s right. Luna is finally making an honest man out of me,“ he continues to say it over and over again doing a victory dance.
Ethan Ramsey from I do
”From where I‘m standing you were just trying to ruin a wonderful day. What’s even worse you were insulting not just me, which I can live with, since I don’t care about your opinion of me. But you insulted my wife and our dear friend. Something I won’t tolerate. So if you don’t want to be here then kindly fuck off,“ he says and his words warm my heart.
Skyler Auclair from A Pinch of Pink and Blue…This one’s for you
”Are you sure you put more than one slice in there aunt G? Cause I think poor Bryce might starve. Since Lunes here will probably eat at least one slice of apple pie on the way home,“ Sky shakes his head at me and winks.
Maxine Moore from Cinnamon Sugar
”Oh my god. So my dad taught chemistry at a middle school right here in Honolulu. So this one time we wanted to try out this experiment what would happen to ketchup if we put baking soda in it,“ I say and take a sip from my coffee.
Bryce Lahela from Always & Forever
“Baby, don’t apologize, there’s no need, and if you need a hug or anything, you can always tell me. You know that,“ he catches a tear with his thumb, while I didn’t even realize that I was crying.
Luna Auclair from Paint Wars
”You are. Saying how you’re exhausted. All you did was sit on that couch and look pretty,“ I wipe tears from my eyes.
Bryce Lahela from Summer‘s Kiss
”It was our bodies who created the magic, the bed was just a side piece.“
Nik from my Nigthbound AU vs. Hänsel & Gretel - Chapter 2 - Strange Encounters
“Pie-boy is getting roasted. I knew something was missing,“ Nik says grinning.
Trystan Thorne from Moja Ruža
”I love it when you boss me around.“ I gave her a kiss on her cheek.
Thank you so much for thinking of me and sending this ask my way 🩷🩷🩷🩷 Hope you have a wonderful day ahead 🩷🥰🌸😍
#My favorite quotes#Bryce Lahela#Luna Auclair#Skylar Auclair#Maxine Moore#Trystan Thorne#Nik#open heart#crimes of passion#nightbound
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Exile | k.m.g
Summary: You two were high school sweethearts, and your love story was something only found in the scripts of a shitty teenage rom-com, but he was a jock, and you were shy and quiet. It shouldn’t have worked, but somehow it did. Now, fast forward ten years, and things aren’t the same. Your lives aren’t the same; he’s stuck in the past, and you only focus on the future. Neither of you has your priorities straight, and neither realises that your present is a complete and utter mess. You won’t let him go because he’s all you’ve ever known, and he won’t let you go because you’re the only thing right in his life, but will love and high school promises keep you two together?
☆ 18+ minors dni |☀︎fluff | ☁︎ angst | ♕smut | ♥ completed works
Word Count: 20,221 words
Pairings: Kim Mingyu x Female Reader
Genre/Trope(s)/AU(s): Slice of Life AU! Fluff, Angst, Smut (the holy trinity, if you will)
Content Warnings: Slice of Life AU! (don’t say I didn’t warn you; this won’t be a nice one, or will it hee-hee). Yelling, swearing, crying, arguments. Couples counselling–do note I am not an actual therapist. I just write fiction. Incredibly angsty. Body insecurities and mentions of blood are not much or graphic.
Smut Warnings: unprotected sex (don’t do this). Fingering, oral (male and female receiving). Multiple orgasms, squirting, hand jobs. Use of sex toys. Hickies. Dry humping. Mingyu cums in his trousers (but like, what can I say? He’s in love). Shower sex.
Authors Note 1: This is a Seventeen rewrite of an old fic of mine, so if it looks familiar, that’s why hehe.
Author’s Note 2: Thank you to my darling @the-boy-meets-evil for beta'ing this despite being so busy. I love you dearly.
Taglist: @dkluvrsclub @wooahaeproductions @stayinhellevator
@aaniag @ressonancee @seungkwansphd @tomodachiii @gyuminusone @bitchlessdino @zezedoesshit @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @joonsytip @noiceoofed @wonwoos-wineparty @persnyako @deobienthusiast @gyuwoncheol @shuadotcom @the-boy-meets-evil @multi-kpop-fanfics @ourdawnishotterthanourday @thegirlwhoimagined @highvern @starlight-night0 @dreamsbloomout @aaasia111 @wongyuuu @ana-marais98 @gaslysainz @cherrylita @soonyoonswoo
Part of the Broken Illusions Stories
© wongyuseokie 2024. All rights reserved.
“Okay, I kept my mouth shut the entire dinner, but honey, this is the fifth time you’ve been back home since you and Mingyu moved in together, and I still see no ring. No signs of a marriage, nothing,” your mother started to say as she sipped her wine, making you groan as you took a large gulp of yours.
“Can we not ruin every trip back home with this?” You moaned, and your mother shrugged.
“I’m ruining nothing, but honey, ten years, and you two still aren’t engaged or together. As a mother, I want to know you have stability,” your mother spoke, looking down at the red-coloured liquid in her glass.
“I don’t need a husband for stability,” you bit back, making your mother raise her brow in disapproval at you with your tone.
“I never said that, but how long do you two just plan on dating? You two have moved in and been together for ten years. Now? Honey, he hasn’t even come back to visit the last two times you came,” your mother continued explaining, making you groan.
“I’m thinking he dodged a bullet,” you mumbled, earning a sigh from your mother.
“Besides, he hasn’t even proposed, so why should I pressure him?” You suggested, and your mother frowned at you.
“You could ask him?” Your mother offered gently, and you sighed deeply.
“Or are you like him? Dragging your feet?” Your mother questioned, and you shrugged.
“We’re comfortable. Why is that not enough for you?” You asked, genuinely wondering why your mother always brought this topic up.
“Is it enough for you? To be comfortable? If that’s what you are willing to settle for, then sure, but my love, comfort is fine, but it’s dangerous. When you’re too comfy in a relationship, you take every second for granted, and you think it’ll last forever, and you get lazy,” your mother lectured, making you roll your eyes at her.
“Can you stop projecting your marriage or failed marriage onto my thriving relationship?” You asked immediately, feeling guilt surge through your veins at your harsh words.
Your mother only ever wanted to help you.
“Mum,” you started to say, stopping when she held a hand up to stop you.
“It’s because of my failed marriage I can spot the warning signs from a mile away. I’m not saying you and Mingyu will be a repeat of what your father and I were, but if you don’t get clarity on where you two stand, you’ll always be in the grey with him,” your mother explained before finishing off her drink.
“I don’t need him to prove anything to me, but when was the last time you spoke about the future?” Your mother asked, and you fumbled to give her an answer and came up blank, making your mother only sigh more.
“Get some rest. You have an early train to catch tomorrow. This is food for thought,” your mother said kindly before standing up to hug you and heading upstairs.
You sighed deeply, took in the night sky, and thought hard.
You and Mingyu stopped discussing the future when he kissed you at sixteen. Sure, you two were young, but you knew in your heart he was the one. But as your relationship progressed, Mingyu seemed to hold onto the past, and anytime the future would come up, he’d change topics and walk away, and if he tried to reminisce, you’d walk away.
You two were in different tenses, but neither of you ever wanted to acknowledge the present.
The present, where the last time you two had a date night was five months ago, and the last time he made love to you—properly, not just a quick fuck or a sloppy blowjob—but the last time he was intimate with you, was also five months ago. The present you and Mingyu shared looked like a foreshadowing of a hollow future. You let out a frustrated groan.
You and Mingyu had to talk if you wanted to save whatever you two had, but why did it feel like a part of you had already let go?
“Sweetie, the wine may have made me too bold, and I apologise for overstepping. Your relationship is none of my business,” your mother apologised for the fifth time that day, and the most recent apology was in the car on the way to the train station.
“It’s fine. I guess you’re not wrong. You did give me a lot to think about. I got defensive because I’ve felt distant from him, we’ve both not had the time, and I guess I felt like you were calling me out when I know that’s not the case,” you admitted, and your mother gave you a soft smile before turning back to look at the road.
“It’s like a bandaid; maybe he feels the same, and a talk will help, but keeping it in your head, where your demons lie, that’s the worst, so just rip it off and let the wound heal with time,” your mother said wisely making you smile.
“If anything goes wrong, I’m always a safe place for you to come home to,” your mother added, and you nodded at her, thanking her profusely as you hugged her goodbye. While you appreciated her offer, you did not want to be back here sobbing and seeking refuge in a week.
You shook your head, trying to free yourself of the thoughts taking over your mind, taunting you, that you and Mingyu were destined to end.
You two would be fine; you both survived high school and university and would continue to do so in the long run, but one question kept plaguing your mind.
Why was the main aim to survive?
Why wasn’t it to rekindle the flame?
Why did it feel so desperate, and why did he feel so far away?
~~
Warning Signs
~~
It felt weird. That’s the first thing you noted the minute you placed your hand on the doorknob of your apartment. You usually didn’t notice such insignificant details, but the doorknob felt cold.
Was it a preemptive sign that you’d be greeted with coldness from Mingyu?
Or was it the frost that had settled over your relationship that made everything you touched feel cold?
You drew in a deep breath for courage, something to face him. You knew him forever and didn’t know where the sudden apprehension came from. Why did it all feel so difficult?
“Baby!” You were greeted with Mingyu yelling. His arms moved to wrap around your waist and carried you as he planted a soft kiss on your lips.
“Missed you,” Mingyu mumbled against your lips, making you smile, but that moment was short-lived when you saw the state of the house.
“What’s wrong? I know I didn’t do anything, considering you just walked in?” Mingyu joked, placing you down on the floor.
“The house is a state. You knew I was coming home today. Why is it such a mess?” You complained, and Mingyu frowned, following you into the living room.
“Why don’t you nap, and I’ll clean up?” Mingyu offered, and you shook your head.
“How would I sleep if you’re cleaning up? It’d be noisy, jeez, Mingyu. You know it’s not rocket science to keep a household together,” you nagged, making him frown at you.
“Why are you like this? You just walked into the house and started bitching, I thought you’d update me about how the trip was, but instead, you’re here kicking up a fuss,” Mingyu threw back, and you rolled your eyes at him.
“A fuss? Mingyu, there’s nothing to update. All I got was the third degree about why my boyfriend of ten years can’t commit to anything more. Coming home, I realised her concerns were warranted because you’re still that kid, Mingyu. You wanted to be composed and strong, but even vocalising a future without him hurt you. You need to grow up because I don’t know how long I can keep doing this,” your voice faltered at your last words.
“Wow, why don’t you tell me how you feel?” Mingyu mocked sarcastically, and you knew what he was doing. He was using his pride to cover his hurt, and you hated this quality of his. It made him annoying and standoffish.
“I’m so over this. When you want to grow up and have a conversation like an adult, find me, but I’m taking a nap, and once I’m done, I’ll clean up; don’t bother helping. I’m used to cleaning up your messes for you,” you spat, knowing your words hit Mingyu hard. There is so much venom lacing your comments, piercing Mingyu’s heart.
“The bedroom, you should sleep in the guest room. It’s a mess in our bedroom,” Mingyu mumbled, and you rolled your eyes at him, scoffing.
“Of course it fucking is. What in this house isn’t a mess?” You asked, making Mingyu look down to the ground. You knew you had gone too far, but you had to make him hear you, and sadly, he only heard you when you were like this.
“Whatever, I’m going to take a nap,” you mumbled, not having the energy to fight any longer as sleep started seeping into your bones.
You awoke a couple feeling extraordinarily guilty and groggy, but Mingyu should have known better. You never needed the house to look perfect, but it should have been clean. Or livable, like adults.
You groaned, deciding to get out of bed and shower before starting the housework. At least it’d wake you up a bit. Since you were in the guestroom, you couldn’t find anything else to wear except one of Mingyu’s oversized shirts, and while you wanted to be petty and not put on anything that resembled him, you knew you were taking it too far.
You sighed, putting on his shirt, smiling at you wrapped up in his clothes, taking in his scent. You never told him, but it always felt like he hugged you tightly, keeping you safe whenever you wore his clothes. They were like a security blanket, one you needed desperately because the owner of the clothes lately gave you no assurance about the relationship.
“Mingyu?” You spoke as you stepped out into the hallway and walked into the living room. It was neat, clean, and tidy, and you immediately felt guilty. Mingyu didn’t deserve your harsh words; he would eventually get the job done, but that’s the problem. It was inevitable, and you didn’t know if you could wait any longer.
You walked towards your shared bedroom to find Mingyu fluffing the pillows and jumping slightly when you touched his back, startling him.
“Sorry, you woke up early, nearly done,” Mingyu rambled, and your heart broke when you heard his voice crack and took in his swollen, red eyes and puffy nose.
“Baby,” you cooed, and Mingyu glared at you, jerking away from your touch.
“Don’t call me that. I’m not a fucking kid,” Mingyu spat as he threw the pillow onto the bed and walked over to his side of the bed and sat down, and you crawled onto the bed and sat between his thighs, making him look at you.
“I’m so sorry, I was frustrated,” you apologised, and Mingyu scoffed.
“You used all my insecurities, our past, and the fights we’ve had against me, and that sucked. You called me a kid. You insinuated that I couldn’t keep a household together when I’ve fought tirelessly for us for the past ten years,” Mingyu exclaimed in annoyance, his words making you snap.
“No, you didn’t fight for us; you fought just to have the idea of us, but you got comfortable, but that’s all you’ve ever done. You’ve never taken the next step,” you cried out, and Mingyu groaned.
“You’re insane. I fought, kept up with your life, adjusted mine, and did all that because I love you, but I don’t know what else to do because clearly, nothing I do is enough for you,” Mingyu answered, his voice getting softer.
“You’re right, you did, but you stopped and got comfortable fuck, Mingyu. I don’t know if you see a future with me. You’ve given me no indication,” you started to say, earning a glare from Mingyu.
“What do you want me to propose?” Mingyu asked, making you glare at him.
“Not like this, and not because I forced you,” you added, and Mingyu groaned, getting off the bed and fiddling around in the drawer next to you.
“I was going to do it tonight,” Mingyu admitted calmly as he tossed a black velvet box onto the bed.
“What?” You asked, and Mingyu rolled his eyes at your confused expression.
“I was going to give you forever tonight, but you never fucking wait, do you? You always rush into the future without caring for what you leave behind. You’ve been five steps ahead of me for so long, and forgive me if I slipped up somewhere along the way, but I got tired of running after you when you’re so ready to let go of me,” Mingyu answered tearfully.
Mingyu plopped down on the bed, his back to you, his head hanging low. You could hear him take in shuddered breaths, and your heart broke because you knew you had hurt him this time.
“Mingyu,” you started to say, moving simultaneously to place a hand on his shoulder, making him look at you with teary eyes as he turned around to sit on the edge of the bed to face you.
“I know I’m not everything you want in a partner. I just thought our love would be stronger. That it would conquer everything, that you’d love me harder than our problems? I know I did, but I guess that’s how immature I am because I guess that’s not reality,” Mingyu lamented, and even though you knew his words could be misconstrued to hurt you, that wasn’t the case. He was thinking out loud.
“Mingyu,” you repeated, making him sigh as he moved back to sit against the headboard, patting the space between his thighs again. This time, you moved to sit between them quickly, your hands moving to pull him into a tight embrace.
“I’m so sorry,” you mumbled into Mingyu’s hair as you patted his back, moving as he cried into the embrace.
“For what?” Mingyu mumbled, his voice thick with emotion.
“For ruining a proposal?” Mingyu asked, letting out a dry laugh as he pulled away from the embrace, wiping his tears away and staring at you.
“You didn’t. I guess this fight was bound to happen fuck. I knew we were falling apart, but I foolishly thought that if I ignored our problems or loved you harder, then it’d be okay, we’d be okay,” Mingyu admitted, placing a hand on your cheek and wiping away a tear. You hadn’t realised you were crying until he wiped away the tears.
“But I only did one thing. I only ignored our problems, and I know I only ignored you. I love you more than life, but I failed to show you how much, and now I’m hoping that a shiny ring will fix it all, and I know it won’t,” Mingyu continued to speak, taking a deep breath before speaking.
“I’ve used up all my good graces, that I’m sure of, but can we try? One more time? Please? I don’t think I can let you go, not yet. I don’t think I can ever let you go, but if you give me one more chance, my love. I’ll try, and if it’s over, I’ll let you go. Don’t give up on me,” Mingyu begged, and you nodded.
“Mingyu, I’m so sorry. I should have conveyed my feelings to you in a healthier manner instead of simply yelling. Everything I heard from my mum this weekend was in my mind, and I couldn’t get it out. I just kept going over it, again and again, and I hated it, and I guess I just took it out all on you, and I’m so sorry,” you apologised, cradling his face in your hands.
“No, it’s okay. I think we both saw this fight coming. I guess it’s easier to rip off the bandaid?” Mingyu joked, a sad smile adorning his handsome face.
“I just felt so far away from you, so distant, and I guess when everyone questioned me about the integrity of my relationship. It just annoyed me, and instead of talking to you, I lashed out, and I’m sorry for that,” you apologised, meaning every word.
“I love you; I do. I know I haven’t been good at showing it, fuck, our last date was five months ago,” Mingyu started to say, and you knew he’d begin to spiral if you didn’t shut him up in the best way you knew.
“Mingyu,” you said softly, making him look at you as you inched closer and crawled onto his lap, his hands naturally finding your waist.
“We’ll talk, and we’ll be okay,” you encouraged before placing your lips onto his, making him melt into your touch. His hand moved from your waist to rest on the hem of your shit, well, his shirt, but he didn’t care.
“Fuck,” Mingyu groaned as you moved your lips away from his to latch onto his neck, kissing the soft skin, gently nipping it, leaving faint marks, and running your tongue over the spots you bit.
“Baby, if you keep doing that,” Mingyu started to say as you pulled away from his neck to peel the shirt off your body, leaving you in your underwear.
“I know we have a lot to talk about, and sex isn’t going to fix anything, but I do, for once, want to feel close to you again. I want to be loved by you,” you admitted, and Mingyu nodded, understanding what you meant as he got off the bed and peeled off his clothes.
“You’re so fucking hot,” you blurted out, making Mingyu laugh.
“Ten years and you still think I’m hot?” Mingyu asked, and you smiled fondly at him.
“You’re always the most handsome man to me, doesn’t matter how many years,” you admitted, making Mingyu smile at you.
“Lie down on your back, princess. I need to show you just how much I love you,” Mingyu instructed, and you nodded, quickly adjusting yourself until you were lying down on the bed, head on the pillow, making Mingyu grin at you as he crawled between your legs.
Mingyu leaned forward, wrapping his lip around your nipple while his other hand massaged your other breast. Mingyu moved his mouth to your other breast and flicked and licked your nipples until they were hard.
Mingyu gave them a final flick, earning a whimper from you.
“Oh, the sounds you make for me. I like them,” Mingyu praised as he reached for your panties. Mingyu pulled them off and threw them across the room. Mingyu rolled his eyes and parted your legs, and placed a soft kiss on your clit, making you buck your hips into his mouth.
Mingyu ran his tongue along your slit. He wrapped his arms around your thighs, interlocking them at your stomach. Mingyu smirked against your pussy, knowing that he could eat you out for ages in this position, and you wouldn’t be able to move, and all you could do was fall apart on his tongue repeatedly.
This is precisely what Mingyu intended to do as he flicked your clit with his tongue, then wrapped his mouth around your clit, his tongue tracing circles along the swollen nub. Mingyu kept licking you, his pace never faltering, and his rhythm never changing.
“Fucking hell,” you moaned as you threw your head back in pleasure.
“So good,” you praised, making Mingyu smirk, continuing his movements, making you shake in his grip.
“Mingyu,” you cried out in pleasure as you fell apart on his tongue, but Mingyu didn’t stop just because you came. He kept going, sucking on your clit as you rode your orgasm on his tongue.
“Fuck, Mingyu,” you whimpered as he kept licking you, you were sure you were wailing, but you didn’t care.
Not when you were on the precipice of your second orgasm. Your second orgasm hit you harder, and your hands moved to his head as you gently pushed his mouth away from your cunt. Mingyu smiled at you, taking in your fucked out expression.
You sat up abruptly, reaching out to touch his hard cock, but Mingyu stopped you.
“Not tonight. I need to feel you, my love,” he said as he took his cock in his hands and moved to line it up along your pussy.
“Fuck,” you gasped out as he entered you. It had been, so you two had sex, so the stretch was a slight shock but one you’d gladly welcome.
“Baby, you’re so tight, fuck,” Mingyu hissed as he pushed in further, making you clench around him immediately. You moaned as Mingyu bent down to pull you into a kiss as he started to thrust into you.
You groaned and babbled nonsense as Mingyu pounded into you, moving his hand down to rub your clit as he fucked you.
“Fuck,” you choked out, holding onto his toned arms.
“Cum, pretty girl,” Mingyu encouraged as his fingers moved faster against your clit, making you shake and tighten on his cock.
You held onto his muscular arms, “cum, baby,” Mingyu spoke breathlessly, making you shake and tighten around him. It felt incredible, making Mingyu groan as you came around him.
“Fuck, fuck,” Mingyu chanted as he pounded into you, groaning as he buried his head between your breasts as he came. Mingyu placed a soft kiss on your lips, slowly pulling out of you.
“That was amazing,” you muttered. Mingyu smiled as he laid down next to you and pulled you into his toned chest,
“I’m not saying this to avoid anything, but I know I skipped every step to make things right,” Mingyu said, pulling away gently from you.
“Look, you’ve had a long journey home and a shitty welcome back. I ordered dinner. It should be here soon. Help yourself. Why don’t we chat tomorrow?” Mingyu offered, and you nodded at him.
Mingyu smiled softly as he moved closer to you and kissed your forehead softly.
“We’ll be okay,” he said with a smile, except you didn’t know if you could believe him.
Despite the mind-blowing sex, you had just opened a bandaid that held in ten years of hurt.
Now it was open. You would have to feel every burn and sting before you two could heal, and what if that wound was too far gone to recover?
What if there was no saving you two?
~~
You Were My Crown
~~
“Morning,” you mumbled to Mingyu the following day when he walked into the kitchen, hair wet, fresh out of the shower, handsome as always.
“Hey,” Mingyu replied, walking over to kiss your forehead, smiling fondly at you as he sighed, sitting down on one of the counters by the kitchen island.
“So, I was thinking that after last night, as amazing as it was, we should talk,” Mingyu said, and you pouted, nodding.
While you did want to just bask in the bliss and romance of last night with him, you knew if you kept pushing your feelings down, then there would be no saving you two, so you decided to sit across from him, making him grin as he placed a business card on your lap.
“A divorce attorney? Hate to break to you, but we aren’t married,” you joked as you picked up the card.
“Oh, couples counselling?” You said aloud, reading the card, and Mingyu nodded at you.
“I got this from one of my Hyung. They said that when they were about almost to call it quits with their partner, they went here, and even if it was painful and made them feel vulnerable, it’s the only thing that kept them together,” Mingyu explained, placing a hand on your knee.
“You think we’re that far gone that we need professional help?” You asked with a dry laugh, and Mingyu shrugged.
“I don’t think we’re too far gone, but we’ve been together for so many years that I don’t think it’d be too shocking if we’re both holding in a lot and not being straight up with each other, at times and I don’t want what happened last night to happen again. I don’t want us holding things in and exploding,” Mingyu answered calmly.
“Even if the sex was amazing,” Mingyu added, making you smile at him.
“Okay, shall we sort out an appointment or what?” You asked, making Mingyu smile sheepishly at you.
“I kind of already sorted a slot out for us. They open early. They got us a slot today at 4 pm. Is that okay?” Mingyu asked, and you nodded at him.
“Should I take it as a good sign that you’re so eager to fix us? Or a bad sign that you’re so ready to vent about me?” You joked, making Mingyu pout at you.
“A good sign; I love you so much, and I’ll be damned if I let you go without a fight,” Mingyu answered.
“Let me go?” You repeated.
“I mean if you want out and realise you deserve better after all this, I guess I’ll let you go,” Mingyu mumbled, unable to look at you. His answering, albeit genuine, made you scoff at him.
“Wow, nice to see your resignation already,” you muttered, making Mingyu sigh deeply.
“I’m not giving up, but tell me you don’t already have one foot out the door?” Mingyu asked, making you baulk at him.
“Why would you even think that?” You asked, and Mingyu rolled his eyes at you, letting out a humourless chuckle.
“You weren’t here, but a gift hamper did arrive from your boss, and while I never snoop, the card was stuck on the hamper. It was a card nudging you to take the plunge and be a manager. Across the world. Might I add? When were you going to tell me?” Mingyu asked, and you sighed.
“You said you didn’t want to hear about work at home, remember?” You fired back, and Mingyu groaned.
“I told you that five months ago when I had just lost my job, I wanted you to be able to speak to me. I don’t want surprises like that,” Mingyu gritted, and you sighed.
“So I’m meant to be able to read your mind?” You asked, and Mingyu shook his head.
“It’d be so much easier, wouldn’t it? You never give me a warning ever. You just fucking blindside me, you did this with this apartment, and you did it with this possible promotion,” Mingyu fumed, making you blink at him.
“Look, can we just save this for the therapist?” Mingyu said, inhaling deeply, and you nodded at him, unable to speak.
The apartment? You thought to yourself. Mingyu was elated when you brandished the new keys three years ago. Just how much had he held in, and for how long?
You were ignoring Mingyu for the rest of the day. Even when he came to get you to go to the therapist’s office, you glared at him, ignoring his outstretched hand, walked past him to your car and waited impatiently for him to get in so you could drive to the therapist’s office.
“Can you at least wait for me to put my seatbelt on? Before you start driving?” Mingyu asked sarcastically, annoyance lacing his words.
“Not my fault you’re fucking slow,” you bit back. You weren’t even sure what you were mad about, the fact that the gift ambushed him and didn’t give you a chance to explain. You felt guilty, and instead of speaking to him about that, you thought it’d be best to mask your hurt with insults.
“So, fucking slow,” Mingyu muttered, buckling himself in, and you started to drive once he was safely fastened.
“So, fucking slow, I’m always behind, aren’t I? I never know what you’re up to, or maybe that’s because you’re too fast,” Mingyu spat out in annoyance.
“I waited for you to put your seatbelt on, right?” You retorted weakly, making Mingyu scoff at you.
“That’s the only time you’ve waited for me, and if killing me wasn’t a crime, then I’m sure you would have driven off without a care for me,” Mingyu fumed, making you cower in your seat.
Is that what he thought of you?
You tried not to let it show. You tried not to let the hurt show, but you couldn’t hold it in once you were in the parking lot of the therapist’s office.
“We can get out, you know?” Mingyu sassed, earning a choked sob from you.
“Is that what you think of me? I’m so busy trying to move ahead that I’d leave you for dead?” You asked, staring at Mingyu; your eyes blurred with tears, and your heart ached at Mingyu’s words.
“Y/N, I’m sorry, I just fuck. I got frustrated,” Mingyu started to say, earning a glare from you.
“I get frustrated too, and you know, especially with you and our situation, but I have never once wished that you were dead. I wish we’d stop fighting and we were on the same page, sure, but dead? Fuck you, Mingyu,” you cried out, making Mingyu frown as he reached over to undo your seatbelt and pulled you across the console onto his lap.
“I hate that you even could think of that. How could you think I would even want you dead?” You asked, smacking your fists childishly against his chest, making him pout as he took your hands into his.
“I’m sorry, I am. I did misspeak. In some shitty way, I feel like if you do ever leave me, then it sure as shit will feel like death,” Mingyu admitted making you frown.
“Why are you so hell-bent on the idea that I will leave you?” You asked, annoyed at his rhetoric, that you’d leave him.
“I don’t know. After last night, the way you lost it, I don’t blame you, but damn, can you blame me. As I said, the way you reacted last night hurt. While I’m not shocked, I can’t deny that it hurt, but that wasn’t an excuse for what I said,” Mingyu answered, and you nodded at him.
“You’re damn right it wasn’t,” you choked out, making Mingyu smile softly at you.
“How’s this when the therapist asks what my downfalls are? I’ll explain that I’m not great at filtering my thoughts?” Mingyu offered, cradling your face, and you pouted, nodding at him.
“No, that’s unnecessary, just don’t say stupid shit like that,” you pouted, and Mingyu nodded, kissing your lips.
“I won’t, I promise. Now shall we go before someone thinks that we’re fucking in the car?” Mingyu asked, a smile creeping onto his handsome face, and you nodded, giggling at him.
“Would that be so bad?” You teased, and Mingyu smiled as he pulled you in for a kiss.
“No, it wouldn’t, but our appointment is in ten minutes, so shall we?” Mingyu asked, and you nodded, placing a final kiss on his lips.
“Let’s go,” Mingyu said, sneaking another kiss as you finally climbed out of the car.
“Please make yourselves comfortable, and Doctor Kwan will be out to see you both in a minute,” the receptionist at the therapist’s office instructed you and Mingyu, and you both nodded before plopping onto the sofa.
“This is so oddly comforting. I mean, the room, I thought it’d be like a doctor’s office, but it has a sofa and tissues and flowers on the wall,” you rambled nervously.
“Yeah, I guess therapists want you to be comfortable, especially when you’re about to be very vulnerable for them,” Mingyu offered lamely, unable to come up with a proper answer. You saw him fidgeting and took his hands in yours.
“Breathe. We’re here to work on ourselves. We’re going to be okay,” you said calmly, not entirely sure if what you said was a lie, but right now, you didn’t care if you had to lie to him. He was too jumpy.
“Mr & Mrs Kim, please accept my apologies. I just wanted to prepare the notes before we begin our session,” Dr. Kwan said as he sat across you two.
“Well, you might want to apologise again. We aren’t married,” Mingyu said with a smile, but his voice had no real humour. You were prepared to ignore Mingyu’s quip until you saw him shoot a glare in your direction.
“Oh, but we would have been, but tell me, Dr Kwan, am I meant to say yes when someone tosses a ring at me?” You shot back, and Mingyu scoffed, letting go of your hand and sinking into the couch.
“We need your help because nothing I do is ever enough for her,” Mingyu spat out, making you groan.
“Well, good to know what I’m walking into, Mr Kim. I should tell you that I most certainly knew you weren’t married. Often, couples hide their pain from their therapists, pretend it’s all good, and then tear each other apart behind closed doors. It was, hmm, call it a trick? This way, I can understand how temperamental and fragile this situation and I can provide and facilitate a safe space for you, too,” Dr Kwan explained, making Mingyu glare at him.
“So, you made me insult my girlfriend for science?” Mingyu mocked, and you sighed.
“No, he just pushed a button that I’d push, and you’d do the same behind closed doors, too, so instead of embarrassing me further, can you please shut up and let him work?” You asked curtly.
“Okay, let me set a few ground rules before I get to work,” Dr Kwan started to say as Mingyu shot you a sad look. You immediately felt bad for snapping at him, but you couldn’t forget how ridiculous he was.
“Y/N, is it okay to address you by your first name?” Dr Kwan asked. You nodded.
“Mr Kim, is it okay to address you as Mingyu?” Dr Kwan asked, looking at Mingyu, and he hummed in response.
“Perfect,” Dr Kwan said, leaning back.
“As I was saying, rules. While I’m giving you guys a safe space to work things through, you must also be committed to ensuring this space stays safe. I appreciate anger, annoyance and frustration, but snarky, underhanded digs will not be tolerated or helped. Telling the other to shut up won’t help either. You can disagree and provide your perspective, but you will not interrupt or ignore each other and talk over one another. Can we agree to that?” Dr Kwan asked, staring at you both, and you nodded immediately.
“Good, now, let’s start. What made you fall in love with Mingyu?” Dr Kwan asked, immediately jumping into the session. You found it a little unorthodox but liked that he didn’t waste time with small talk.
“We started dating in high school, months before graduation. He was a kind guy, and while he could have fit the bill of a stereotypical jock, he didn’t. He was humble, kind and grounded. I guess he was a jock with a heart,” you smiled softly, recalling that Mingyu was indeed just that.
“He and I were paired up for a project, and I guess after we got our grades, I gave him a big hug, and somehow that hug turned into a kiss, and I guess, ten years later, here we are, in therapy,” your sweet tone fading and turning into a biter tone as you looked at the floor.
“See, this is what she does, thinks of something nice and then fucks it up by following it up with some realistic bullshit. You were doing so well just reminiscing, and you couldn’t just stick to it?” Mingyu asked, his voice rising.
“Another rule, no yelling,” Dr Kwan warned, making Mingyu groan.
“She never lets us be happy long enough. She must always bring up something that kills the moment,” Mingyu added bitterly.
“Then why are you with me if I’m such a killjoy?” you taunted, making Mingyu wipe away a tear.
“Because I fucking love you because you’re so amazing and sure you’re persistent. The need to always think about the future is a pain. But I’m okay with it because I assumed I was part of that future, but I’m not sure if I still am recently,” Mingyu mumbled, making you groan.
“You two need to hit reset. There’s a lot here, I want to see you both separately and together, but I need you two to try something for now. Throughout therapy, we will uncover a lot, a lot of love that you two have for each other, but we will also uncover a lot of pain and hurt, and I don’t want either of you not to have a space to cry it out, so can I suggest that for the next three months, we try something?” Dr Kwan offered, and you both nodded.
“Anything to save us,” Mingyu mumbled, and you scooched over closer to him, placing your hand on his thigh, making him smile sweetly at you.
“Ten years is a long time, and sometimes, you become accustomed to each other, which is wonderful, but it also means you hold in a lot. Anger, resentment and hurt, but because you’ve been together so long, you often suppress these emotions and hope they’ll go away, but they don’t. Instead, they linger like bad perfume, and it gets too much, and that’s where you two are now. I can see you are trying your best to hold onto the relationship, but you’re also scared, to be honest, for fear that it’ll go away, so here’s what I suggest,” Dr Kwan explained, pausing to take a sip of his water.
“So, here’s what I propose, separate bedrooms for the next three months. You two can talk and kiss and be cuddly, but no sex because sex, as good as it may be, undoes a lot of the work, so if you two slip up, I won’t be mad, but it’s more work on your end. This process will take a lot out of you both, therapy, and it’s going to be new adjusting to a new dynamic, but it’s to allow you both a safe space to vent and to be you two have been with each other you’ve lost yourselves along the way, it’s time to find what you two are as individuals before you two can be a couple again,”
“We never broke up. You know that, right?” Mingyu said, glaring at Dr. Kwan.
“I’m aware, but you two are also just holding on, and I’m guessing that’s not enough?” Dr Kwan challenged, and Mingyu huffed out.
“So, what we move out? Or one of us does?” Mingyu asked, continuing to glare at Dr. Kwan.
“We have three bedrooms; we can just separate our stuff. We can each move into one of them for now,” you suggested, placing a hand on Mingyu’s thigh and making him look at you with sad eyes.
“I just, I get that this is therapy, but why does it feel like you’re making us break up before we even have a chance,” Mingyu answered sadly, making you smile softly at him.
“I’m telling you two to hit reset. You both need a fresh start, not away from each other, but you two need a break,” Dr Kwan answered softly, and Mingyu sighed, nodding.
“It’s three months, and we will evaluate every week. Is that good?” Dr. Kwan asked, and you nodded, noticing that Mingyu nodded slowly.
“Three months, and we’ll be, okay?” Mingyu asked, turning to face you.
“Yeah, we will,” you answered, unsure if you two would be, but you had to try.
You had to try for him.
For you.
~~
I’m Not Your Problem Anymore
~~
“So, that went well?” Mingyu said slowly, making you roll your eyes at his words as you kept driving.
“The digs, the underhanded comments, you think that went well?” You asked, and Mingyu frowned.
“You weren’t exactly a saint either,” Mingyu mumbled, and you sighed deeply.
“Can we deal with this once we get home? I don’t fancy fighting while I’m driving,” you asked, and Mingyu hummed in response as he stared out the window, trying to pinpoint where it all went wrong.
“Talk,” Mingyu practically demanded the minute you shut the front door behind you.
“Why the hell are you speaking to me like that?” You asked, and Mingyu groaned as he kicked off his shoes before sitting on the couch.
“You said some shitty things, and while I admit so did I, you acted like a child,” you started to say, stopping when you saw Mingyu’s hardened expression.
“What is it with you calling me a child? May I remind you that we’re the same age?” Mingyu asked, glaring at you.
“Then act like a fucking adult, you don’t talk, you lash out, and you just hope that love fixes everything, but it doesn’t. It’s not enough to keep two people together when they’re breaking apart,” you exclaimed, frustrated at yourself for being unable to maintain your calm and at him for never being realistic.
“You always said that love will keep us together, that our love was stronger than anything out there. What happened to that girl? What happened to the girl who made wishes upon stars, kissed me goodnight, and hugged me whenever I was down? I fell in love with her,” Mingyu lamented, making your heart drop.
“So, you don’t love me anymore?” You whispered, afraid of his answer.
“I do, my love, but I’m just not sure you do,” Mingyu said, moving to wipe away a tear that fell down your cheek.
“Why do you keep suggesting that?” You asked, shrugging his touch off, making him pout.
“Well, you just moved away from my touch, in general, over, I don’t know, the last two years you’ve been in the future, and you’ve left me in the dust; you left me all alone. I mean, hell, I was the happiest when you told me you wanted to move in with me, but you didn’t even bother asking me to view a place. You just got the keys and showed up at my doorstep. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful, but it always felt like you’d cut me out of the process whenever you could,” Mingyu explained, his eyes getting glossy.
“I know you wouldn’t intentionally make me feel unwanted, but that’s what it felt like. I felt like an understudy, waiting in the wings for you to consider my opinion,” Mingyu said.
“I didn’t know,” you said lamely, and Mingyu nodded.
“You wouldn’t, I never told you, and you’re not a mind reader, nor do I expect you to be. It would have been nice to know that you still cared for me even if everything went bad. Hell, the night I lost my job, you just kissed me and told me it’d be alright, and I get it, it’s a hard thing to comfort someone about, but my love, you didn’t even try, and granted, I’m sure there have been moments where I haven’t done my bit. Still, we were the couple that annoyed others with how mushy we were and how much we adored each other. Now it just feels like we tolerate each other,” Mingyu finished standing up, and you stood up and reached for his wrist, making him turn around to look at you.
“Can you not walk away?” You asked, not a shred of anger in your voice. You just wanted to hear him.
“I’m not. I am, however, getting some wine because I think we’ll need it,” Mingyu replied, pulling you into his chest and placing the softest kiss on your forehead.
“Okay, so let’s talk,” you said, not wasting a second as Mingyu returned to the couch with two glasses of wine.
“You waste no time, do you?” Mingyu asked, chuckling, and you shrugged.
“I’d rather fix us sooner than later,” you commented, and Mingyu shrugged.
“Don’t good things take time? Besides, this isn’t something you can rush; didn’t you always tell me that patience is a virtue and that all good things take time?” Mingyu mumbled as he sipped his wine, making you glare at him.
“What is with you and reminding me of everything I once did? Is that what you want? The ‘old’ me? The one you fell in love with ten years ago?” You snapped, making Mingyu frown.
“You keep missing the point, I don’t yearn for the ‘old’ you, but I yearn for your love. It just seems like you’re putting up with me. I only remember the ‘old’ you because no matter how much we fought, I at least knew that you loved me,” Mingyu mumbled, making you frown at him.
“Don’t fix it by saying that you love me. I know you do, but I wonder if you’re still in love me because that’s a big difference. I mean, some I know you do, but other days I feel like I’m watching you, unsure if I fit anywhere in your life, but what scares me most is that I’m not so sure I fit in your heart any longer,” Mingyu admitted taking a deep breath, before looking at you with teary eyes.
“Can you tell me when I’ve hurt you? I’m sure it must have been many times with how you feel, but maybe the most recent example?” You asked, unsure how to respond to the fact that Mingyu poured his heart out to you, and all you could do was make him relive a moment where you had hurt him.
“Not hearing about the promotion, that sucked, like I had to find out because of a present. Why didn’t you tell me?” Mingyu asked, nothing but hurt and genuine curiosity etching his features.
“I guess when you told me you didn’t want to hear about work, I just stopped telling you. I didn’t want to make you upset,” you admitted lamely.
“My love, I got over being let go. If I’m not wrong, I said that once, and a month later, I remember being fine and asking you to tell me about work and the hardships or the bad days at work, but you never did. You decided you wouldn’t share that part of your life with me. While I can understand why you thought I would continue holding a grudge, do you think I’d hold it until it broke us in two?” Mingyu asked, and you shrugged.
“Would you have taken the job?” Mingyu asked, and you shrugged.
“I don’t know,” you admitted, and Mingyu nodded at you.
“Well, for what it’s worth, I’m over it, and if it’s something that’s in the past, I’m okay never to bring it up again,” Mingyu offered, and you smiled at him.
“I’d like that a lot,” you answered.
“I acted out of line with what I said in the car, and you’re right. I did act like a kid at the therapist’s office, but it’s just when it comes to the idea of possibly even losing you? Then my ability to think straight and act rationally goes to shit because there’s nothing rational about love, but you find that balance, and I’m willing to work on myself but wait for me? While I try and catch up?” Mingyu asked, making your lips tremble, and your tears fall.
“I think for so long,” you started to say, pausing to wipe your tears away.
“For so long, I thought you didn’t care. I thought you got comfortable, wanted to leave, or be comfortable enough to stay but not be with me. So I kept pushing on with my life because I didn’t think you wanted me to be in your future,” you admitted, staring into the wine glass.
“Y/N, you and I. I guess we’ve both been living in different tenses. I’ve been too busy reminiscing our past, and you’ve been running into the future. It’s left our present a fucking shit show,” Mingyu observed, making you giggle at his description.
“Let’s try? I want you to have the most amazing future, but can I ask you to slow down? Ever so slightly? To let me find my footing. I want to catch up with you so we can have a future. Together?” Mingyu asked, pulling you closer to him.
“I can, and I’m sorry,” you apologised, and Mingyu shook his head.
“It’s okay, from here on out, what we’ve both done, it’s forgotten and forgiven these next three months. Let us make a real go at this? At fixing us?” Mingyu asked, and you smiled in agreement.
Mingyu grinned, pulling you into the softest kiss ever.
“I know we are meant to separate rooms and all that, but can I just have you in my arms tonight?” Mingyu asked, kissing your forehead, and you nodded at him.
You agreed because you didn’t know what the next three months would bring about, so for tonight, you just wanted to lay in his arms and forget the hurt and the reality because you’d never admit it like Mingyu would. Still, the thought of living in a world where he was no longer yours was enough to make you break your heart into a million pieces.
“We’ll be okay,” you mumbled into Mingyu’s chest as he held you, and he responded with a kiss on your forehead.
You frowned into the embrace. You just hoped it would come true if you said something repeatedly.
If you kept saying that you and Mingyu would be okay, you would be.
~~
Balancing on Breaking Branches
~~
“Moving day, huh?” Mingyu joked, making you grin slightly at him.
“Barely, we’re just diving up rooms and our stuff. It’s just three months,” you answered as you walked over to your closet and mentally sorted out what articles you wanted to take.
“Actually, you can just stay in this room. Besides, I don’t have much stuff anyway, just some clothes and my computer has always been in a separate room,” Mingyu offered, and you smiled at him.
“Thanks, it’d be a nightmare if you made me move all my things out,” you laughed, making Mingyu smile.
“Besides, it’s all temporary, three months, and I’m back to cuddling you every night and sleeping,” Mingyu smiled.
“What are you smiling about?” You asked Mingyu as he grinned to himself, looking around the room.
“Just kind of thinking how we broke into this room and every other room and surface in this apartment,” Mingyu said casually, a blush creeping onto his face as he recalled the memories, making you smile shyly.
“Sex in every corner of the house. I still can’t believe we did it in a storage closet, of all things,” you recalled, smiling but shaking your head at how you and Mingyu had really come through on the idea of breaking into every part of the house.
“But the sex was pretty good, wasn’t it? A tighter space meant that I had to hold you closer to me and fuck you harder,” Mingyu teased, his voice low, dangerous and teasing.
“Mingyu,” you warned, unable to keep the smile off your face, as you moved away from the closet and sat on the bed.
“Besides, I’m just recalling fond memories, especially when we have a sex ban placed on us for three months,” Mingyu explained with a pout, making you smile.
“Anyways, do you know where I keep my phone charger? I usually use yours, so,” Mingyu trailed off, and you nodded at him, knowing that he never bothered because you were always there, and it just wouldn’t be the same for the next three months.
“Yeah, this drawer,” you gestured to the bedside table beside you. Mingyu nodded, rummaging through the drawer, and you noticed he kept searching for a while.
“Did you not find your charger?” You asked, turning to face him, your eyes widening when you saw what he held in his hand.
“Mingyu,” you started to say, making him smirk at you.
“Is that what I think it is?” Mingyu asked, and you groaned, cursing yourself. Mingyu walked over and grabbed the device.
“A vibrator in plain sight?” Mingyu teased.
“Can you give it back?” You groaned, and Mingyu grinned at you.
“Is this the one we bought and took with us on our trip to Bali? Where you couldn’t get enough of me?” You gulped, and you felt your mouth water.
“Not my fault you were shirtless for the entire trip. It’s hard to behave when you look like that,” you huffed out as Mingyu walked back to the bed with the vibrator in his hand.
“So I’m hot?” Mingyu asked with a smirk.
“You know you are,” you mumbled, and you knew you were about to undo all the therapist’s work with your one movement, but you couldn’t help yourself.
Not when Mingyu was looking at you like that, wetting his lips as he caressed the vibrator in his hand.
“Oh, do I?” Mingyu asked, making you glare.
Instead of answering, you grabbed him by his shirt, pulling him into you. Mingyu pulled you into a kiss and pushed you down, one hand moving to your jeans and undoing them.
You kicked off your jeans and panties, and Mingyu’s knuckles met with your wet folds.
“You’re soaking wet,” Mingyu muttered against your lips, and you nodded.
“Wait,” Mingyu instructed as he pulled your shirt off,
“Beautiful,” he praised as he took in your nude state.
“Pretty,” Mingyu muttered, moving his mouth along your body as he ran the vibrator along your folds.
“Fuck,” you hissed as the cold metal touched your swollen cunt. Mingyu pushed two fingers into you and switched on the vibrator. You felt your eyes roll back as he started thrusting his fingers in and out of you. While the vibrator constantly pulsated against your clit.
“Fucking hell,” you groaned, grabbing his muscular forearm.
“Good girl, you take my fingers so well,” Mingyu moaned, praising you as you fell apart under his touch. You let out whimpers, biting your lips to stop yourself from screaming in pleasure.
“Fuck,” you groaned, and Mingyu smirked at you, pulling his fingers out of you and bringing them to his lips.
“Can’t we just, I guess, call that goodbye sex? Or something,” Mingyu asked as he stared at your fucked out expression.
“We could, but I think we need to tell our therapist,” you breathed, making him pout, “as good as that felt, we just took a few steps back,” you added, making Mingyu sigh as he leaned over to kiss you.
“Three months, and we’ll be okay,” Mingyu claimed before placing another kiss on your lips.
“This is just a little mistake. You wanted to honour his wish, but you also knew that lying would do you two no good. No need to tell the therapist,” Mingyu repeated, making you nod slowly at him.
So, you did what was right.
“Okay, Y/N, what you did wasn’t odd or unusual. Maybe couples slip up, especially when it comes to sex and trying not to have it, and I get it. You two have been together for ages. Giving up sex isn’t easy, nor exactly is it meant to be,” Dr Kwan clarified, but you couldn’t help but feel like you were undoing everything.
“You’re human. It’s normal to slip up, but being honest and working from that is important,” Dr Kwan added. You nodded.
“Well, still, I’m sorry,” you apologised, making Mingyu scoff.
“You kissed me; may I remind you that? So, stop acting like you’re wronged or something. You make me sound like a dick,” Mingyu spat out, and you were about to respond when Dr. Kwan cleared his throat, stopping you.
“Well, Mingyu, you might have just given us the material for our first session. When do you two think it all went wrong? Between you both? Mingyu, I’d like to hear from you, and then you, Y/N,” Dr. Kwan suggested.
“Y/N’s been gifted, so good at everything she does, and I guess I’ve gone with the flow, but being an adult in this unforgiving world, that’s not enough. Not even, and it seemed like every time she was successful or achieved something, it made me feel smaller and like I wasn’t enough,” Mingyu rambled, making you look at him.
“I know she never did it on purpose, but that’s how I felt, and I guess I stopped trying to be better for her because it always seemed like she was too far away for me to catch up to, and so I was just happy being in her life, as a spectator,” Mingyu finished letting out a deep exhale.
“I don’t begrudge her for succeeding. I wished that sometimes she could look away from the blinding lights of success to notice me, just for a second at least,” Mingyu added, shrugging.
“Did you ever wish for her success to go away?” Dr. Kwan asked, and Mingyu shook his head.
“Never, I only wished that maybe I could do half of what she did, maybe then I’d be enough for her, but I know that’s not what she ever thought, but I internalised her success as a sign of my failures,” Mingyu answered.
“Y/N, is there anything you’d like to add?” Dr. Kwan asked.
“I don’t know what to say. I didn’t realise he felt like that,” you answered lamely.
You didn’t realise that Mingyu felt the way he did. He was always so guarded with his response and just quiet and silently supported you no matter what you did.
“I never told her to be fair,” Mingyu interjected, and you sighed at him.
“I can’t read your mind. How do you expect me to understand if you don’t tell me something?” You asked, and Mingyu stared at you in disbelief.
“The way I read your mind about a proposal?” Mingyu asked, and you groaned.
“Okay, you two, we need to hit pause. There’s too much here to not cause a massive fight,” Dr. Kwan said, interrupting you two.
“She didn’t even tell me that she got an opportunity for a promotion or anything. She keeps so much to herself and then gets mad when I can’t read her mind,” Mingyu added, and you sat in annoyance, but you stayed quiet, knowing that he wasn’t wrong with his judgements.
“I lost my job five months ago, and since then, she’s never really told me about her success and in her defence, I did tell her not to talk about it, but I know that after a week or so, I told her that it was okay, but she just kept everything to herself,” Mingyu added.
“I didn’t want to hurt you,” you started to say, turning to face Mingyu.
“I know you said it was okay, but you always put others before you, and I didn’t want to be another reason for you to suppress how you felt,” you explained, placing your hand on his, and he responded in kind, moving his hand to lace them with yours.
“I see that love is not lost between you two. You need to figure out how to communicate. In a relationship as long as yours, it’s easy to assume that the other party knows or should know. Still, the truth is, all the familiarity and knowledge in the world is never enough to predict how humans will behave,” Dr. Kwan said wisely.
“I went to visit my mum; the night before, we had a huge fight which led us here; she kept pushing and asking if something was wrong with us because it had been ten years, and there was no proposal. So, I kept trying to diffuse the situation, but unfortunately, her words sowed a seed of insecurity in me. I lost it and snapped at Mingyu, which caused him to reveal the fact that he was going to, in fact, propose to me that night,” you rambled, explaining what you thought was the final breaking point.
“I see, Y/N. Mingyu, is being married something you two have always wanted to be? Or is that something that you two have never discussed?” Dr. Kwan asked.
“We discussed it, I think, after our first year together. Mingyu brought it up,” you recalled, smiling at you fondly and starting to explain the memory.
~~
Nine years ago
“In my defence, their vows were touching, and that’s why I ended up crying like a baby,” Mingyu defended, making you laugh as you wiped his teary eyes and kissed his red nose.
You both were in the powder room, helping Mingyu look more presentable after he cried his eyes out at your cousin and her husband exchanging their vows.
“But I also started to imagine, what if it was us up there? One day? Look, I always found weddings boring in the past because I was like fuck this. I’m always watching other people find their ‘happily ever after,’ but I have wanted that for us since you came into my life. Our happily ever after,” Mingyu declared, making you smile at him, your eyes holding but love and fondness for your boyfriend.
“Okay, I know we’re only 19 and legit, maybe way too young to decide the future now, but I know this for sure, regardless of when that moment happens. I just know that there is no one else I want to spend the rest of my life with; only you complete me, and a life without you, well shit, that’s just miserable, isn’t it?” Mingyu spoke, making you swoon at him.
“How’d I get so lucky?” You asked as you pulled him into a soft kiss, making him smile into the kiss.
“I think it’s me. I’m the lucky one,” Mingyu mused.
“How about we’re both lucky?” You added, and Mingyu smiled.
“Lucky to have found a love like this; yeah, we’re pretty fucking lucky,” Mingyu agreed as he pulled you into another kiss.
~~
“Huh?” You asked as you felt Mingyu’s fingers on your face and realised he was wiping away your tears.
“It was so much easier, and I just want that back,” you cried, and Mingyu, out of instinct, moved closer, pulling you in closer to him.
“Y/N, you two were younger, and the world is kinder to two kids in love than adults in love. Nothing like taxes, societal expectations, or work threatens the tenderness and beauty of love. Still, with patience and dedication to fix the relationship, you can get through it, and it doesn’t seem like Mingyu wants anything else but the same thing as you,” Dr Kwan explained, making you smile through the tears and placing a kiss to Mingyu’s cheek, making him blush.
“I’ll schedule you two for a week later, but let’s keep up the same routine. No sex and kisses are fine, but keep it to that. When you two filled out the form, I think you mentioned that your first date was at a dive bar? Why don’t you two, over the weekend, go to one, not as a date, but go and maybe rekindle the memories, remind yourselves that the pain of therapy is worth it,” Dr. Kwan suggested, and you both nodded.
“We can do that,” Mingyu answered, and you smiled at him.
Maybe this is why you two needed someone to guide you both through all the pain, and today felt like a breakthrough, and perhaps that’s what you both just needed, someone to help you get through the shitty parts to get to the good part.
You two weren’t broken but bent, and someone needed to straighten you out.
“We can. We can be okay again,” you mumbled, but you knew Mingyu heard it with the way he squeezed your hand softly.
“We will,” he whispered in your ear.
~~
Never Learned to Read My Mind
~~
You and Mingyu really did try hard. The kisses were kept to a minimum, almost so much that Mingyu got frustrated with you. He eventually pouted enough one evening. It ended up in you two having a thirty-minute make-out session.
“We shouldn’t,” you mumbled as you continued to kiss him.
“See, you say that, but you’re kissing me,” Mingyu replied, moving his lips away to speak, only to place them back on yours within a second.
“Mingyu,” you warned, pulling away and making him sigh at you.
“Fine, but can you blame me? This is the first time you and I have spoken and kissed in two weeks, and no, that goodnight kiss three nights ago doesn’t count. I just get that Dr. Kwan said we should try to find ourselves and all that, but it feels like you’re acting like we’ve already broken up or something,” Mingyu admitted, frowning.
“I’m giving us space to grow,” you defended, and Mingyu nodded.
“I get that, but shouldn’t it foster an environment of encouragement? The space you’ve created is cold and uninviting, like hell. Your room door is always closed,” Mingyu added, making you pull away from his touch and sit next to him instead of on him.
“I’m working, Mingyu. I don’t have as much free time as you, so forgive me if I want some peace and quiet while I work,” you sassed, and Mingyu pouted.
“Free time? You mean unemployed?” Mingyu joked, but you glared at him.
“Stop putting words in my mouth. You know that’s not what I meant to say,” you huffed, and Mingyu nodded.
“Okay, forget it. I only say that because I wanted to show you something the other day, and your door was closed,” Mingyu explained, and you nodded at him.
“So, show me now?” You suggested, and Mingyu nodded, pulling up yet another photo he took of a cake that served as inspiration–he’d been taking pictures of cakes, cookies and many other baked goods for the last few months, telling you it was for something unique. Still, to you, it just seemed like he was building up his ‘cakes I like’ Pinterest board.
“See?” Mingyu asked excitedly.
“What am I meant to be seeing? Another cake? All you do is take pictures of the cake. Where is this going?”
“You could have bothered to ask more about it instead of dismissing it entirely. I don’t dismiss things that excite you,” Mingyu mumbled.
“Fine, show me,” you asked, and Mingyu shook his head at you.
“No, because you’re asking because you feel bad, not because you care, forget it. You’re right it’s just cake. How would you notice? How would you notice when you haven’t noticed anything about me in the last few months?” Mingyu spoke, making you groan in frustration.
“Sorry, that was unnecessary. Look after work tomorrow. I made reservations at a dive bar for us, I’ll send you a location, and you can head over after work?” Mingyu asked, and you nodded at him.
“Night,” Mingyu mumbled, kissing your cheek as he got up and sulked as he walked to his room.
You felt terrible. Since when did you stop caring about the little things, especially him? He was always doing much more, but you didn’t know why. It never felt like it was enough for you.
“Hey!” Mingyu greeted you the following evening as you approached him at the dive bar.
“This place is quite nice,” you commented, and Mingyu nodded.
“Are you drinking?” Mingyu asked, and you shook your head.
“I drove here,” you replied, and Mingyu pouted.
“Let me drive and have a drink. I have a scratchy throat, so I can’t really drink,” Mingyu offered, and you looked at him in shock.
“When did you get a cold?” You asked, had you really been so unkind and caring to not even ask your boyfriend if he was unwell.
“Nah, just a tickle, don’t worry, I got meds, and I’m on the mend,” Mingyu added, ushering you away, and you frowned at him but decided against pushing further.
You were glad you were tipsy, but you weren’t exactly happy at the scene unfolding in front of you an hour later.
A random girl decided to approach Mingyu to gush about how handsome he was and how incredible his biceps were and even went so far as to trace his arms, and that was it: you saw red.
You hated how he didn’t stop her, either. Instead, he giggled and flexed a bit more.
“Miss, do you always with other people’s boyfriends?” You spat out, and the girl stepped back in fear upon hearing the venom in your voice.
“No, oh my god, I’m so sorry. You just didn’t look like you were his girlfriend. You just sat there, far away from him, and you two barely spoke, so I thought it was okay to appreciate it, but I’m so sorry,” the girl apologised, but you couldn’t help your anger.
“So even then, you just flirt with anyone you see?” You asked, embarrassing the girl, and Mingyu turned to face you with a hardened expression, apologising to the girl first.
“What the hell was that?” Mingyu
“Home, now,” you answered, and Mingyu sighed as he paid for the bill while you stormed out of the bar.
You stormed into the house, and Mingyu followed you into your room. You saw red. There was no other colour in the world, only red. You couldn’t believe Mingyu giggled and smiled at the girl like he did.
The way he would with you.
“That was so uncalled for,” Mingyu started to say, making you whip your head to look at him. Your eyes were red and watery, and Mingyu immediately wanted to put the fight to bed and hold you in his arms.
Mingyu mentally slapped himself, but all he did was laugh and smile at the girl. She complimented him, and for a second, he lost his mind and indulged because it had been so long since he felt good about himself. So long since someone called him handsome, and hell, you stopped acting like you were interested in him, but it was wrong and stupid, and he caused you to cry.
“Right, me telling a girl to back off my man is wrong and pushing her away was uncalled for? Did you like it then? The way her tits pressed up against your chest. Is that why you didn’t pull away when she wrapped her arm around yours? Would you have backed away if I didn’t push her away, or would you have gone home with her?” You accused, ranting and firing away accusations at Mingyu, who paused to frown at you, but he knew he didn’t have a reason to defend himself.
“I’m sorry I didn’t stop her, but I would have never cheated. I just got caught up in the attention, it has been so long since you ever showed me any affection, and I liked it, thinking that, oh, I don’t know, at least I’m not chopped fucking liver,” Mingyu fired back, making you shrink.
“You couldn’t tell me that? You had to get some leggy chick to get your validation?” You asked, your voice trembling.
“You don’t make it easy to speak to you. You’ve taken this ‘break’ so seriously that I feel like you’re just practising for the real thing. Last week, I got a new cookbook, and. In the past, you’d always be excited to see if I could replicate any recipes, but now? You didn’t even care to see it. I got a new shirt for our date night, and you didn’t compliment me. I’m not saying I need to be coddled, but you act like my presence is a bother, so forgive me if I wanted to seek out someone’s compliments because you know what? I can’t recall the last time you ever said I was good at anything,” Mingyu scoffed, making you standstill.
“You have so many cookbooks; how is it different from the dozens you have? How was I meant to notice just one?” You asked, and Mingyu stared at you.
“That’s not the point. Whenever I want to share anything with you, you act like it’s the biggest inconvenience or you don’t care. Either way, it doesn’t make me feel good about myself,” Mingyu sputtered out, his anger bubbling, and he knew he had to stop this fight before he said something he regretted.
“Look, we’ve both had a lot to drink. Maybe we should talk about this later?” Mingyu offered, as he tried to guide you to the bed, to help you sleep so you wouldn’t continue this drunken rant.
“So, you entertained her because she gave you attention, or was she prettier?” You asked, immediately feeling your eyes well up. You tried not to break in front of him. He was the one flirting with another woman, not you, but you couldn’t help how insecure it all made you.
Was he done with you? Was this his subtle way of telling you he wouldn’t care?
“Hey, no, don’t you dare,” Mingyu interrupted your thoughts as he cradled your face.
“No one is more perfect than you. I’m sorry for giving in to the attention. No matter how bad we are, it’s not an excuse,” Mingyu explained as he wiped away the tears that fell down his face.
“But she noticed what I didn’t. Maybe deep down, that’s all you want, and I wish I were better for you,” you replied tearfully, making Mingyu’s heart ache with how you tore yourself apart.
“Mingyu!” You squeaked when you felt him carry you and sit on the bed.
“Take this off,” you mumbled, pointing to his shirt, and you stared at him for a second as he peeled his shirt off.
You leaned down to kiss his shoulder, then another, until you reached his neck.
“Y/N, baby, you’re drunk,” Mingyu groaned, trying to suppress a moan, hoping his body wouldn’t betray him as he melted under your touch.
“We’ve had sex drunk before. I’m pretty sure our first time was when we were both drunk,” you spoke as you moved to kiss his jaw, making him wrap his arms around your waist.
“Baby,” Mingyu groaned as his hands moved to rest above your ass.
“Hm?” You asked, looking at him, pausing before your lips connected with his.
“Let me show you just how much I love you,” Mingyu said, giving in to your touch as he stood up and swiftly placed you on the bed. Mingyu usually would at least take some time peeling your clothes off, unravelling each bit of your body to him, but he couldn’t wait tonight.
“So fucking pretty,” Mingyu praised as he laid between your thighs, your dripping cunt at his face.
Mingyu slowly moved his finger inside you, “do you want to cum? You’re already clenching my finger so nicely, baby,” Mingyu praised as he rolled his thumb over your clit. You nodded. Mingyu pulled his finger out of you, making you whine.
Mingyu smirked at you before latching his lips onto your clit.
“Fuck,” you moaned at the contact.
“Mingyu, wait, stop,” you said, making him sit up immediately.
“Did I go too far?” Mingyu asked, worrying, lacing his handsome features. You shook your head and moved your foot to his growing bulge.
“Please fuck me, just I need you,” you begged, and Mingyu wasted no time in peeling off his clothes and positioning himself between your legs and pushing into you, making you moan and hiss at the stretch.
Mingyu placed your legs on either side of his shoulder. He pushed in and fucked you hard and deep. His pace was relentless, and you whimpered at his pace.
“Fuck, Y/N, baby, I’m so sorry, but I need to cum,” Mingyu moaned as he pounded into you.
“It’s okay, fuck me, Mingyu.”
Mingyu removed your legs from your shoulder and flipped you onto your hands and knees. He pushed into you, his hands gripping your hips. You nearly collapsed at how deep he was hitting inside you.
“Fuck, more, please. Mingyu.” He bit down on your shoulder then kissed and ran his tongue over the area.
“Fuck, fuck,” Mingyu cursed as he came inside you, moaning as his cum filled you. You felt him flip you over again, his mouth latching onto your cunt again, licking and cleaning you, making you cum again in the process, and you pushed his head away gently as you came again.
“No more baby, too sensitive,” you moaned, making Mingyu smile sweetly as he placed a soft kiss on your trembling pussy.
“Wait, stay, please,” you asked, pouting at him, making him smile.
“I will. I was just going to clean you up properly and give you a shirt. You always get cold after sex,” Mingyu said, making you smile.
“Stay here,” Mingyu said, kissing your forehead as he headed out to grab you a shirt. He returned with a wet towel and gently pressed it against your throbbing pussy, smirking at your reaction.
A few minutes later, you were clean and dressed in one of his shirts.
You were already nodding when Mingyu’s arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into his chest. Mingyu moved his hand under your shirt and placed his arm around your waist.
You moaned softly as he drew small circles into your skin. You gently pushed his arm away and turned to bury your face in his chest, making him smile.
“I love you,” Mingyu mumbled, and you weren’t entirely sure if you heard it, but for a while, you didn’t mind falling asleep in his arms, pretending that you two were alright.
~~
I Think I’ve Seen This Film Before
~~
“So, you two had a fight and fixed it with sex,” Dr Kwan summarised, and you and Mingyu looked to the ground.
“Look, we’re barely three months into this, and while I like that you both love each other enough to be intimate, it seems like you use sex as a coping mechanism to put actual issues on the back burner until they inevitably blow up in your face,” Dr Kwan added.
“It was a misunderstanding,” Mingyu defended.
“A series of misunderstandings has brought you two here, and right now, you two are giving in too quickly,” Dr Kwan added.
“Maybe three months is too long. Can we try a month, no intimacy, nothing, please? Then we can revisit this issue?” Dr Kwan suggested, and you both nodded.
“Dr Kwan, can I request one thing, though? Can I ask that my lovely girlfriend and I go for one more date, like a proper one, the way we used to be before we tried the full-on ‘break’ thing?” Mingyu asked, and Dr. Kwan nodded.
“Y/N?” Dr Kwan asked, and you shrugged.
“I don’t see why not,” you answered, making Mingyu smile, and you noticed how his smile reached his eyes for the first time in so long.
“We’re here!” Mingyu announced as he parked the car outside a carnival, helped you out of the car, and held your hand like he always did, complimenting you from home to the carnival gates.
“It’s crazy empty?” You asked him, and he smiled.
“It opens next week, but I pulled a few strings; I wanted to enjoy this with you and only you,” Mingyu admitted, a blush creeping onto his face, making you smile at him.
“Shall we?” He asked you nodded.
He took you to nearly every booth, and with each new game, your smile grew, as did his. You didn’t think it was possible to fall in love with him all over again, but here was proving you wrong.
“Hey, you okay?” Mingyu waved his hand in front of your face. You were both finally back in the car after a night of kisses, jokes and games, and you smiled at him.
“Yeah, just thinking,” you answered.
“About?” Mingyu asked, and you turned to face him,
“I didn’t think it was possible to fall in love with someone again, but tonight, with you. I think I may have just fallen in love with you all over again,” you admitted, making Mingyu smile as he leaned over to pull you into a kiss.
“I love you,” Mingyu said as he pulled away from your lips.
“I love you too,” you answered, making him grin.
“We’re okay, we’ll be okay,” Mingyu assured as he took your hand and drove home.
However, when he said it, you didn’t find any comfort in his words because you knew that you were about to hurt him, not because you wanted to but because you had been reflecting and noticed that all this time.
Mingyu had been bending backwards to become the version of a man you supposedly wanted. Still, all this time, you only complained and poked holes and found flaws; he loved you despite all this. His love for you was too forgiving, too great, and one you didn’t think you deserved any longer.
So you could only do what you did best, and that was to hurt him before he broke himself trying to fix the both of you.
~~
You Were My Crown
~~
Mingyu was fuming. Well, not even raging would do justice to how angry he was. It was almost comical. He thought smoke would come out of his ears like a cartoon character. It would have almost been funny.
Almost.
However, nothing about this moment or the letter in Mingyu’s hand was funny; none of this was funny.
“Hey,” you chirped as you walked into Mingyu’s bedroom. He was late for dinner, and your smile dropped when you saw his face and then recognised the paper in his hand.
“Mingyu,” you started to say and stopped as he held a hand up to stop you.
“Dear Y/N, you’re incredible, and I want you to consider this position again. You have insights that set you apart from everyone else. I think you could do an amazing job helping us set up our offices in Japan,” Mingyu read out the letter, his voice fading into a whisper at the mention of Japan.
“I thought we were past this?” Mingyu asked, and you immediately felt yourself become defensive.
“No, I only said that to calm you down, but Mingyu, this is my career,” you protested, making Mingyu scoff.
“I’d never stop you from pursuing your dreams. I know you’re good at your job. I’d encourage you to take this position, but you lied, and you got this three days before the date night and didn’t bring it up? It fucking hurts, and when I asked you if you were happy, you said yes? But kept this from me? What were you going to do, just fucking pack up and leave me?” Mingyu asked, raising his voice, making you roll your eyes at him.
“Don’t you dare give me an attitude! You hid this from me. Why?” Mingyu asked, tossing the letter onto the floor.
“We can still talk about it, and then we can figure out a way with schedules, and maybe I can save and fly out and visit you,” Mingyu rambled, making you bite your lip as you knew what you were about to say next would break him.
“I accepted the job,” you whispered, but Mingyu heard you clearly. Your voice rang in his ears, four words taunting him, haunting him.
“Mingyu,” you said, trying to approach him, and he moved away from you.
“You did what?” Mingyu asked, not wanting an answer.
“I just didn’t think us doing these three months did us any good, yes we got to get our issues out in the open, but Mingyu, we still broke the main rule, we had sex, we couldn’t be bothered to make it work without fucking,” you defended, each word piercing Mingyu’s heart deeper and deeper.
“Doesn’t the fact we couldn’t stop loving each other show you how tethered we are to one another? How much we need each other?” Mingyu asked, and you shrugged.
“Yes, a crippling need,” you answered, making him breathe deeply, trying to hold back a sob.
“So, you just decided to do what you do best? Hurtle into the future without a fucking care for me? I gave up everything for you to make you happy, and you’re fucking running?” Mingyu taunted, making you snap.
“I never asked you, but you were so fucking stupid to have walked away from friends. Friends who could give you a job or something, and now, you’re here begging me to stay because you didn’t get your shit together,” you spat out, knowing that none of your words held any truth.
Still, you needed him to stop fighting because you weren’t sure if you could anymore.
“You didn’t ask me because I thought it was you and me against the world,” Mingyu yelled.
“Well, it’s not! Grow up! Get a job, plan your future instead of ruining mine just because you don’t have a planned future,” you fumed, stopping yourself, but you knew it was too late.
“No, you’re right. I don’t because I thought you were my future, but now, you’re gone, so I guess you’re right. I don’t have a future, so please leave,” Mingyu asked. You couldn’t help yourself, but you knew if you comforted him now, you’d give in, and you couldn’t.
“Mingyu, this is my apartment, so why don’t you step right out?” You mocked, making Mingyu let out a broken sob.
“I can’t waste my time and cry for you any longer. There’s no more crying that I can do for you,” you added as Mingyu pulled out a suitcase and started to throw his things in.
“You can leave in a week or something. There’s no rush,” you mumbled, feeling nothing but shame and guilt.
“You were my homeland. You were my safe space, and now that you’ve gone and thrown me out, put me in exile, what’s the point? This isn’t my house anyway, and clearly, I’ve overstayed my welcome,” Mingyu answered tearfully as you watched him pack.
You stood and watched him pack and remove the necklace you once gave him and place it on the bedside table.
Mingyu took another look around the room and then wiped his face before grabbing his passport and documents out of a drawer and stuffing them into the suitcase.
“Where will you go?” You asked, and Mingyu shook his head.
“That’s none of your concern, I’ll be fine, but you,” Mingyu paused to steady his voice.
“You’ll be fine, excel at everything, and do so well, my love, shit sorry, Y/N. You’ve always been amazing, so thank you for the last ten years of my life, and oh, when you fall in love again, tell him to be good to you,” Mingyu rambled, pausing to smile at you through his tears.
“But please apologise to that guy because if there’s a weepy guy at your wedding, oh fuck, never mind, why would you invite me. Fuck I’m babbling. You don’t want this. I’ll be on my way,” Mingyu paused his ramble to kiss your forehead.
“Please stay safe,” Mingyu said before practically running out the door. You waited for him to leave until you couldn’t hear his footsteps in the hallway break down.
“Fuck!” You cried out, you felt so much pain engulf you, you felt as if someone had snatched your heart out of your chest, you felt as if you had a thousand cuts all over your body and that each second, someone was pouring salt into every wound.
You didn’t know pain like this. You fell to the floor sobbing, unable to withstand the pain, letting it engulf you. So, you let it. You did this, and you deserved to be hurt.
“I’m so sorry,” you apologised to the empty room. You broke him and yourself, but you weren’t his problem. You lost the right to care when you threw him out.
So, you’d do what you do best, push through, ignore the pain and push into the future because if you ran fast enough, you might forget the present and perhaps the pain wouldn’t catch up to you any longer.
6 Months Later
Your method wasn’t foolproof.
Simply running away from your problems only brought you temporary comfort.
It allowed you to plaster a fake smile and get things done. It brought you false hope when you told your mother that you had let him go.
Your method was like a ticking time bomb. You’d hold off only for so long. You knew your pain and your actions would catch up to you.
Eventually, you took steps to prolong it. You had blocked Mingyu on every possible social media site. You even put all his things in storage and scrubbed the apartment clean, and when you were done, there was no proof that he ever existed in your life.
You acted like he was a ghost because, somehow, it was easier believing that in some twisted way than picking up the phone and apologising or checking in.
It was easier this way. You put a bandaid on a wound that had cut through every part of you, foolishly hoping it’d be enough.
That stupid bandaid got you through your life in Japan. You’d find moments where you’d think of Mingyu, wondering how he’d love certain foods and sights, but you would push any thought of him away, and you were doing a good job.
Until you were going through your things and found a black journal. You were familiar with it the moment you opened the journal. You wished you could have gone back in time and undid everything because opening up the journal made you feel like you just ripped open the bandaid.
It was Mingyu’s journal.
A journal dated the day you two started therapy. You knew it was wrong to read his innermost thoughts, but maybe you’d get closure. So, you got a bottle of wine and began to read.
Most of the entries did nothing but break your heart repeatedly until you came across the last one.
It was dated the night of the date, your last date with him.
“I can’t wait to surprise her tonight. I think we’re going to be okay,” Mingyu wrote.
Your heart stopped.
A surprise, he was planning something that night.
What was it?
You had to find out.
You had planned most of your life down to the last detail, so randomly catching a plane, after calling your boss and randomly quitting, and landing back home after six months felt odd.
This was home, so why did it no longer feel like it? The way you had shut your heart to Mingyu, had this town also shut you out, decided that someone as heartless as you didn’t deserve another chance?
You had unblocked Mingyu on socials in a feeble attempt to try and find him, and you saw that he frequented a bakery often. It was a shot in the dark but your only shot. You hailed a taxi from the airport and gave him the address to the bakery.
You ran into the bakery, huffing as you lugged two suitcases.
“Can I help you, miss?” A beautiful girl asked you, and you stared at her.
“No, but you have a frequent customer, Mingyu?” You asked, causing the lady to laugh.
“Customer, honey, he’s the owner? Do you have an appointment with him, or would you like a consult? He’s got a free evening, so I can pencil you in. Just walk all the way, and when you see a white door with golden roses on it, you’ve found it,” the lady instructed, and you just moved on autopilot as you reached his door.
Your knuckles trembled as they knocked against the door, his door.
“Come in!” A cheery voice you yearned to hear for so long, a voice you missed every day and every night replied.
You pushed the door open and noticed that Mingyu was too busy sketching to look up, and he continued drawing.
“Just take a seat, make yourself comfy. Sorry, just finishing up a sketch,” Mingyu said mindlessly, and you stood still.
Taking him in, his hair was longer, he’d coloured it too, a light brown, and he looked handsome, but also he looked healthy like he was sleeping and resting and happy.
You noted how focused he was on his work. Mingyu was always handsome to you, but even more so when he was doing something he loved.
“Seriously, it’s okay. Make yourself up at home,” Mingyu started to say as he got up from his chair.
“Y/N?” Mingyu asked as he finally noticed you.
“Oh my goodness,” Mingyu broke into a broad smile as he rushed to hug you, and you could feel the tears pooling in your eyes. How could he?
How could he look at you with so much kindness after what you did to him?
“Oh my gosh, how are you? You look well. How’s Japan, and how’s the job?” Mingyu asked a question after making you stare at him.
“I found this,” as you moved away from his embrace, practically slapping the journal against the chest.
“Oh, I’m guessing you read it?” Mingyu asked with a smile.
“What did it mean, the surprise?” You asked, and Mingyu smiled at you.
“Can you spare me some time? I don’t want to have that conversation here, but if you can wait a few minutes, we can return to mine, and I’ll explain every word you read?” Mingyu offered, and you nodded at him.
“Babe!” The same girl from the front desk walked into Mingyu’s office.
Babe?
You felt your blood run cold. It made sense for him if he moved on, but her? The woman who looked like she was everything you weren’t, maybe that’s why he wanted her.
“Sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to check what you wanted to do for dinner tonight. If you want, I can make pasta?” She kept speaking, each word twisting the knife in your chest deeper.
“Yuna, this is Y/N, a good friend,” Mingyu introduced, and you forced a smile for her.
That’s all, but what would he introduce you to her? A friend? His ex, the one who broke his heart?
“Oh, you guys were friends in school, right? Nice of you to visit, so I guess raincheck on dinner? Oh, babe, please don’t forget we must go to the dress store. I need you to pick out the suit for the wedding,” Yuna said as she gave him a peck on the cheek, shot you a smile and left the room.
Mingyu had moved on so quickly? A wedding? He waited ten years to propose to you—sort of—but with Yuna, only six months, maybe he wasn’t the problem. You were, you saw her, pretty, friendly, and she seemed to make him smile. Something you failed to do for so long.
So, it made sense that he’d see a future with her and not you.
Mingyu could hear your overthinking, and he wanted nothing more than to comfort you right now, but he’d do it the minute you two were in his house. Alone and in a safe space.
“Shall we?” Mingyu asked, and you nodded, following him, not saying a word during the entire car ride back to his apartment and the walk to his apartment.
“I’m going to take a shower and freshen up. If you want, you can use the guest room. I can grab you some clothes,” Mingyu offered, and you followed him into the guest room, not saying a word.
Mingyu poked his head into the bathroom when he noticed you hadn’t emerged in a half-hour. Worried, he entered, and his heart broke when he understood what you were doing.
“Hey, no, stop that,” Mingyu said, poking his head in at first and then entering the bathroom when he understood what was happening.
“Just wanted to see what I was missing,” you admitted, making Mingyu frown as he helped you sit on the countertop. Mingyu grabbed a towel, wet it, and gently wiped your face with it.
“She’s pretty.” You muttered, and Mingyu sighed, placing the towel on the counter.
“She’s got a nice body,” you continued to speak as you were apart. Mingyu stared at you in disbelief, and he hated how you were tearing yourself apart.
“Can you shower? Or manage on your own?” Mingyu asked; he didn’t want to leave you, but he was very aware that you were naked and crying, and he didn’t want to upset you any further.
“I guess you found the one you love, and I’m here like a moron because I thought you still loved me. I selfishly thought you still loved me,” Mingyu shook his head and snapped, and his hands found your face and pulled you in for a kiss. You gently pushed him away.
“Don’t pity me,” you muttered Mingyu glared at you.
“None of this is out of pity.” Mingyu moved his hands to your neck, gently tracing your skin until he reached your lower back and pulled you closer to him.
“I’m going to ask you again; can you manage to shower alone. Or do you need me to help you?” You sighed and pushed your body against him.
“I need you,” you answered. Mingyu nodded before moving away and stripping.
“Fuck, see, you have a nice body,” you said to Mingyu, making him glare at you as he helped you into the shower.
“So do you, and fuck, I’ll be damned if you don’t feel the same by the time I’m done with you,” Mingyu said as he turned on the shower, and you sighed in relief as the warm water poured over you.
Mingyu reached over for the shampoo and moved his hands into your hair. You moaned as he massaged your scalp, and for a second, you stopped thinking about how crap you felt. You allowed Mingyu to wash you, and you were ready to leave the shower when Mingyu gently pushed you against the wall.
Mingyu moved his lips from your forehead until he reached your lips and captured them in a sweet kiss.
One which had you swooning.
It was so soft and yet deliberate. You moaned as you felt him deepen the kiss with his tongue. Mingyu kept kissing you until the need for air became too urgent, and he gently pulled away.
Mingyu moved his lips to your neck, slowly sucking and gently nibbling the skin there. He left a trail of marks on your neck, all shades of purple and pink. Mingyu moved his hands to your breasts, massaging the soft skin, tugging and pinching your nipples, making you moan.
Mingyu pulled away from your body and got down on his knees in front of you. He dove into your cunt, licking your folds, and your hands moved their way into his wet hair.
Mingyu didn’t move a muscle, only his tongue as he glided it up and down your cunt. He moved slightly and pushed his tongue into you, making you gasp in pleasure. Mingyu groaned as he tasted your arousal, pushing his tongue in further. Mingyu moved his tongue back to your clit and flicked the now-engorged nub while pushing two fingers inside you.
You were whimpering and gasping in pleasure as Mingyu fingered you until you came. Mingyu held your thighs in place as he continued to lick you through your orgasm. He was focused on making you cum as many times are he could with his tongue. You shuddered when Mingyu continued, never stopping.
Mingyu moved his hands to grab your ass and pulled your ass cheeks apart, making you groan.
Mingyu’s lips never left your clit. You could only mewl and let out sobs of pleasure as he licked you. You were gasping for air as you reached your second orgasm. Mingyu’s mouth never moved from your clit as he licked you through your orgasm.
Mingyu moved his lips away from your cunt, and moaned when he saw your state.
“You look so fucking good like this, swollen pussy, mouth open. You look gorgeous when you cum,” Mingyu praised, and you clenched your thighs together at his words.
“Turn around, face the wall,” Mingyu instructed, and you weakly turned around as you trembled.
“If anything is too much, tell me, okay?” You mumbled a yes, and Mingyu pushed his fingers into your cunt.
“Good?” You choked out a yes. The new angle with which he entered your cunt had you seeing stars.
“Fuck, I’m going to cum.” You mumbled as your legs started to shake, Mingyu simply hummed against your wet folds, and that’s all it took for you cum again.
“Please, fuck me,” you begged, and Mingyu slowly got up, held your body close to his, and pulled you in for another kiss; you were so immersed in the kiss that you failed to register him lifting you in his arms and aligning you with his hard cock.
“Can I?” Mingyu asked, and you nodded at him.
“Fucking hell, you’re so tight,” Mingyu groaned as he pushed himself into you and started to pound into your cunt.
“Fucking hell,” you groaned as you bit down on his shoulder as fucked you into your fourth orgasm.
“Fuck, I won’t last long,” Mingyu choked out.
“Cum inside me,” you begged him.
Mingyu smiled at you, “gladly,” he said as he thrust into you harder, making you shake and clench around him each time. You moaned when you felt him finally still and cum inside you, his warmth coating your walls.
Mingyu slowly placed you back down, “fucking hell,” you groaned, grabbing Mingyu’s forearm as he started fingering you hard.
“One more baby, one more,” Mingyu coaxed as he fingered you to another orgasm. You nodded as you felt yourself cum simply based on his command Mingyu didn’t stop until you came again. This time he finally moved his fingers away from your cunt.
You were so fucked out. All you could do was hiss slightly when Mingyu finally washed you up, wrapped you in a towel, and carried you to his bed. He towelled your hair dry, put his shirt on you, and pulled you into his arms, wrapping the blanket over you two.
You turned in his embrace to place your head on his chest, “cuddly,” Mingyu noted with a soft smile on his lips, and you returned a smile back to him, making him bend his head down and capture your lips in a gentle kiss.
You opened your mouth to speak, and Mingyu held a hand out to stop you.
“Tomorrow morning, please,” Mingyu pleaded, and you nodded.
You could do that.
Pretend for one more night.
~~
Second, Third and Hundredth Chances
~~
“Morning,” Mingyu greeted you as you entered the kitchen the following day. He stood by the kitchen island, poured himself a cup of coffee and another one, and pushed it across the island, nudging you to sit and face him after six months.
Six months. That’s how long you went silent on him, blocked him out, and suddenly showed up at his door because of a journal.
All his life, Mingyu knew you as a planner. You always had a backup plan, so for you to show up unannounced seemed so odd. Maybe you were passing by. Or you just wanted the last word, but after six months.
Seeing you again, Mingyu felt pain, anger, and hurt, but more than anything, he still felt love. No matter how badly it ended, you were so much more than his ex-girlfriend. You were the woman he once wanted to spend the rest of his life with. It didn’t matter what would transpire; you would always be unique to him, and he could only hope he held a similar position in your heart.
“So,” Mingyu started to say as you sipped the coffee.
“I made you cheat. I’m so fucking sorry,” you mumbled, making Mingyu laugh.
“Right, I didn’t cheat when I was with you, and that’s not something I’m going just to start doing because I’m with someone who isn’t you,” Mingyu said, and you stared at him, confused.
“But Yuna?” You asked.
“When you threw me out, I couldn’t find a place that late at night, so I ended up at a bar and cried my eyes out to Yuna. She ran the bar that night and felt sorry for me, so she took me home,” Mingyu explained, pausing to gauge your reaction.
Mingyu felt slightly cruel for testing you like this, but with the hell, you put him through for six months, this was nothing, and he wanted to see if you still loved him or just got upset because you thought you had some right to him.
“Yuna and her fiancé, they both, I guess, let me crash and nursed me back that night and just let me mope in their house for a solid month,” Mingyu explained, making you exhale.
“She calls everyone babe and kisses everyone’s cheeks but only kisses her fiancé’s lips,” Mingyu elaborated, making you sigh in relief.
“I think it was month two of moping over you, and I was, you know, useless and jobless,” Mingyu continued to speak, hurting you, knowing that you used the exact words when you broke his heart.
“I was baking a lot, and Yuna’s husband is a famous pastry chef, and he saw me swiping through my Pinterest board and asked if I wanted to do something with my life or just cry over you,” Mingyu chuckled, recalling the memory.
“So, for four months, I poured all my efforts into my craft, and I picked up everything quickly, and I guess I’ve been lucky, and the bakery is doing well and honestly. I thought I was finally moving on, but then, you showed up at the place I created to get away from the hurt you caused me,” Mingyu finished, his tone now serious and stern.
“So why are you here, after all these months, and don’t tell me it’s because of a fucking journal. You wouldn’t randomly get on a flight and show up without a plan, so tell me, did you come here to reopen all the wounds I tried so hard to heal?” Mingyu asked, and you fumbled.
“Do you know what you did to me? That night, you not only assumed that I was an unsupportive boyfriend, but you equated my ability to love you down to the fact that I was unemployed and directionless, and that is fucked up. Like beyond fucked up. So when you threw me out, I honestly believed I was worth nothing. I didn’t think I was enough. While I still want the best for you, you broke me when I needed you most, and seeing you here now, when I’m just getting my shit together, it fucks with me because a part of me wants to kick you out the way you did to me, but a part of me wants to kiss you and try again so tell me Y/N which part should I listen to?” Mingyu fumed, making you cry.
“Why did you do it? Because what we kept breaking the ‘no sex rule’ or did something else happen? After that date, you said you fell in love with me again, and three days later, you did that. Was it because you accepted the job offer and you felt guilty? I know I’m not perfect, but I broke myself trying to be the man you deserved, and it still wasn’t enough, so I think I am at least owed something, some explanation,” Mingyu implored, his voice softer, and you couldn’t stop the tears from escaping.
“Fucking speak, will you? You had no problem tearing me apart, so why are you quiet now?” Mingyu asked, frustrated.
“Because you were bending over backwards, you did so much, and I did nothing. Mingyu, I got mad at you because another girl gave you the attention I didn’t. You were focused on fixing us, and I was focused on just fixing you, and yes, you’re right. The fact that I accepted the job without a second thought for you made me realise what a selfish person I was. I was ashamed, and then you took me out on that date,” you paused to take a breath before continuing.
“I felt like a failure. I failed you because I was so willing to fix us. Still, I didn’t want to go through the pain because I was scared that at the end of it all, you’d realise that you were better off, and I couldn’t deal with that, so I thought it’d be easier if I made you hate me,” you blubbered out, and Mingyu looked at you in disbelief.
“I ran away because it was easier. I took the easy way out because the tables had turned. You were succeeding in fixing us, doing the work, and all I could do was watch you put in so much, never expecting anything in return. I couldn’t do that to you, so I just let you go in the worst way possible,” you explained through your tears.
“I know what you wanted to do the night of the date. I found a velvet box, and I just wanted to confirm that when I flew down here and walked in, it didn’t feel like home. It felt cold and distant, and I didn’t fit here anymore. I saw you happy, glowing, and you had started fresh, and me? I’ve been on autopilot, working, coming home and trying so fucking hard not to think about you, and that journal was an excuse because I couldn’t stay away anymore,” you sputtered out.
“I knew you wanted to propose, and I ran because while it was everything I ever wanted, I wasn’t the woman you deserved, and I don’t know what I’m doing here because I’m certainly not the woman you deserve now. So, thank you for last night, and I’m sorry that I rehashed old wounds, and it was because I was selfish. I was selfish that night, and I’m still the same,” you cried out.
“Selfish?” Mingyu repeated as he walked over to you, holding your face.
“Scared, not selfish,” Mingyu said with a sad smile.
“How do you not hate me; how can you still be so kind and loving after everything I did to you?” You asked as Mingyu wiped your tears away.
“Because I still love you, hell you fucked with me, but when I saw you yesterday, it felt like a missing part of me was found, and while it hurt, because I got used to that missing piece, I felt alive, seeing you, and I know that the last time I gave up because I thought that’s what you wanted, but after last night. I know it’s not; it can’t be. So, tell me, did you come back to ask me about a journal entry or because you love me?” Mingyu asked, and you sighed.
“I left everything. I was looking for something to bring me back to you because, after I left, I didn’t think I had a right to face you again, so the journal was my excuse,” you answered, and Mingyu stared at you.
“Everything?” Mingyu asked.
“I quit and packed my shit and came here and handed over the keys to the apartment in Japan to my landlord, and I guess I came here, hoping to come home and selfishly hoping to come back home to you,” you answered, biting your lip unable to look at Mingyu.
“But your promotion?” Mingyu asked, and you shrugged.
“It took me six months to realise that no promotion, no success in the world meant anything to me if you weren’t by my side, and it felt hollow. Every applause and pay cheque felt worthless because, in a room full of praises, I only ever wanted to hear your voice and come home. I always hoped that you’d be there, and I’d run into your arms and kiss you, and we would both sit and tell each other about our days, and then at night kiss each other and make love to each other, but all I got was an empty house,” you rambled making Mingyu smile tearily at you.
“Can I ask you for a favour?” Mingyu asked, and you nodded, looking at him.
“This time, I don’t care how difficult it is, how serious it is, how big or small the issue is, you come to me, no matter if it’s a small issue or a big issue, you’re coming to me, you don’t kick me out, and you don’t fight with me, but you fight for us,” Mingyu explained making your eyes widen.
“After all I did to you. You’ll take me back?” You asked, and Mingyu smiled at you.
“I was always going to come back to fight for you. I just needed time to be strong enough to do so, but yes, because if there’s anything these six months taught me, it is that I’d rather spend six months going through this pain a hundred times over, provided that each time the outcome was the same, you back in my life,” Mingyu explained making you cry even more.
“How can you love me so much?” You asked, making Mingyu laugh.
“You stole my heart in a science class when you threw a paper at my head for being too loud in class, I was yours then, and I’m yours now, so tell me, my love, will you be mine again?” Mingyu asked, and you cried, nodding.
“If you can forgive me?” You cried out, and Mingyu smiled sweetly at you.
“I forgave you long ago. I was hurt, but my love for you is paramount, and it’s easier to love you than to be mad at you,” Mingyu explained, hugging you. “The perk of knowing you for so many years is that I know, despite your harsh words, you get defensive and deflective and often, what you do instead of saying the truth is act and lash out.”
“I don’t deserve a love as understanding as the one you have for me,” you admitted, and Mingyu shrugged.
“We didn’t have the most perfect few years, but maybe that’s what we needed. Maybe Dr Kwan’s separation therapy worked because six months of radio silence was more painful than when we were fighting. After all, at least I could see you hug you, and talk to you, but not hear a word from you, not knowing anything that was nothing short of torture. I don’t want to go through that again,” Mingyu explained.
“It took me losing you to realise how much I love you,” you answered, pausing to wipe your tears, “and if you let me, Mingyu, I’ll never let you go again. I’ll love you the way I always should have, and I’ll never let you go because losing you was like I lost my ability to breathe, but here in your arms. I feel safe, loved, and at home, and I don’t want to lose my home again, and I-” Mingyu’s lips cut off your speech on yours.
“Sorry, but I had to,” Mingyu said sheepishly, making you smile.
“This will sound weird, but Y/N, will you go on a date with me?” Mingyu asked, making you smile as you burst into a wide smile and hugged him tightly.
“I’d love to,” you answered.
“Good, Tuesday night? I’ll pick you up. It’s a surprise,” Mingyu asked, and you nodded furiously.
All those times you thought it’d work, you always were still unsure, but today, right now, you knew that you’d love him because loving him allowed you to see the world in colour and losing him took away all the colour and joy in the world and this time you didn’t want to fix it for the sake of it.
You wanted to fix it because you loved him.
The Finale: What I Should Have Said
One Year Later
“Oh, for the love of God, please do not break,” Mingyu muttered as he set up the decorations for your anniversary date on the balcony. At this moment, he was yelling at a bouquet to stand still.
“Mingyu? What is so urgent? I’m home?” You called out, and Mingyu pouted, glaring at the faultless flower bouquet. You were back and early,
“In here!” Mingyu yelled out.
You walked into the house, noticing all the lights had been dimmed. There were flower petals everywhere. You smiled. You knew Mingyu was going to do something for the anniversary. You just weren’t entirely sure what.
“Hi,” Mingyu looked up to see you, smiling at the decorations. He walked over to you and kissed you.
“Happy Anniversary.” He mumbled against your lips.
“Happy Anniversary to you, too,” you said. You smiled as he held your hand and pulled you to the sofa.
“Ooh, cake!” You exclaimed, making Mingyu roll his eyes at you.
“I’m a three-course meal, and you are salivating over a cake?” Mingyu complained, but you laughed.
“Oh, get over it,” You kept laughing, and Mingyu sliced a piece out for you. He was oddly precise and took a long time to slice the cake.
“Dude, just give me the cake,” you muttered, and Mingyu scowled.
“Did you just dude me?” Mingyu asked dramatically. You smiled at him as you took the cake from him and immediately scooped a piece into your mouth. You felt something sharp in your mouth; you tasted blood and metal and glared at Mingyu.
“What did you do? Accidentally leave a fork in the cake?” You glared, and Mingyu gasped in an attempt to bite back a laugh.
“Why don’t you get cleaned up and find out?” Mingyu offered, and you looked at him strangely. However, it was your turn to gasp as you ran to the bathroom and pulled a ring from your mouth.
You washed the ring and returned to the balcony where Mingyu was frantically pacing.
“Mingyu?” You asked, holding out the now-washed ring in your hand. Mingyu took it from you and knelt down.
“I waited too long last time, I waited for a sign, the right time, all that bullshit, and I’m not saying that if I had done it earlier, our problems would have never occurred, but I know waiting sure as hell didn’t help. I know I wanted to marry you when I was 19, and now, more than ten years later, I still want that, except this time, I don’t want to wait to find the right time, place or anything. I don’t need any of that. I just know that I need the right person, and I have that with you, my love,” Mingyu declared, making you tear up.
“The last year has been a lot for us. We found each other again and worked together to fix ourselves, and you know what? I’d do it all over again if it meant fixing us, and if it meant that a year later, I’d be here proposing to you, so what do you say, Y/N? Will you be mine forever, and will you love me forever the way I know I will love you?” Mingyu asked, and you nodded, unable to say much but give him a muffled yes.
Mingyu slipped the ring onto your finger, pulled you into his arms, and hugged you tightly.
“When I said we’d be okay, this is what I meant, I knew it’d hurt, and it’d take fucking a lot of time and patience, but I’d do it all over again a thousand times even if this is the ending, I get each time we’re done,” Mingyu spoke, and you looked up at him smiling.
“Me too. I’d lose you a thousand times over if it meant being back in your arms at the end,” you replied, making Mingyu smile.
“I love you,” Mingyu said, and you smiled at him, “I love you too, so much you loved me despite all my flaws and imperfections”, you replied.
“I saw those ‘flaws’ and ‘imperfections,’ and I fell in love with every part of you. We’re both imperfect, but the way we love each other, now that’s fucking perfect!” Mingyu replied, holding you tighter.
You knew this was your home; with him in his arms, that’s where it was no longer cold; it was warm, safe, and it was home.
He was home.
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Have you ever written drug addict/and or alcoholic Obi-Wan? I can see him sinking into addiction during OWK, but it'd be interesting to see him using it to cope before that. After Qui-Gon's death, or during the war
[never have i ever ask game]
hello!! thank you for sending this <3 i have written an obi-wan who has struggled with substance abuse - in salt your fields, win your wars! this fic is not finished and may never be finished, but it's lovingly called the space actors au in my head, and it's rather darker than most of my fics. anakin is an up and coming holo film actor who uses recreationally, and obi-wan is an older actor whose life was pretty much ruined by drug addiction/alcoholism and now he's clean and meeting and falling into bed with anakin really tests him.
i also have been tossing around the idea of writing a fic(let) where same age modern au obi-wan and anakin run into each other at a grocery store after ten or fifteen years of not speaking. but they grew up together and were each other's first loves, only obi-wan was ewan mcgregor in trainspotting and anakin was hayden christensen in life as a house and their relationship sort of ends badly because of drug abuse and teenage angst and probably one or both families relocate away from the other. so in present time, when they're thirty somethings wearing boring business clothes, anakin is surprised to see obi-wan --- because he honestly wasn't sure obi-wan was still alive--- and obi-wan is surprised to see anakin clean cut, piercing free and holding the hand of one of his kids.
but as for canon compliant obi-wan struggling with addiction, i have not written anything like that! but i'm still counting my beloved space actors au <3
#asks#cw: drug use/alcoholism#mostly i havent written much on this topic because i never know how to tag it#like is it overkill to use cw tags or would not using them correctly genuinely trigger someone#i dont have this problem when writing silly lil miscommunication fics
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ENCHANTED AU???
ENCHANTED AU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is one my favorite wips that i'm DYING to write and i... haven't?? but CONSIDER:
Robin is a fairy tale character that goes around singing and talking to animals (the chipmunk is totally called Dustin, this is very important) living her best life until she runs into Prince Steve of Andalasia! and then uhhh maybe he falls in love because that's what princes are supposed to do right? and then people want them to get married! but robin is like uhhhh i dont love him?? this feels wrong??? and oopsies somehow she falls into another dimension :O !!
now Robin is in the real world! in new york!! and she's about to fall from a billboard and die... but she's caught by Nancy Wheeler! the very serious, skeptical, boring journalist that stopped believing in love and fairytales and yet she can't help but help this extremely weird woman that starts singing at any given opportunity and OH LOOK THEY FELL IN LOVE. nancy tells robin that in the real world she doesnt have to love a prince, she can love another woman, steve shows up and he just wanted to save his best friend, maybe vecna is a dragon???
i'm missing some of the plot but you know the movie. it's just that. but lesbian!! also! the men are interchangeable. like Steve would make a perfect prince and maybe eddie is nancy's best friend? or jonathan would be a good ex husband, or he's dead, or he's nancy's boring boyfriend that is instantly forgotten as soon as robin shows up. maybe eddie is the fairy tale prince and steve is nancy's exhusband that goes with eddie back to andalasia or vice versa. idk the guys are not my priority. the real question is does nancy still have a daughter? is it max?
the point here is that nancy learns how to believe in love and magic again via Robin serenading her through New York <333
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Do all of the knights have names in your au? And how did you decide on them?
hello there, thank you so much for the message! correct me if I misunderstand, but I think this is about a panel from my galacta knight vs meta knight comic:
where Galacta Knight uses the word Vaýtita. it's not a name, it's a... actually you know what, it's so much more embarrassing! it's a term of endearment/a relationship designator from my unnecessarily complex whole entire sci-fi language i built for them, lmao 💦
here's the note at the beginning of my personal dictionary as a quick crash course:
Ei Vaýtita in particular means "my gravity". it's akin to words like beloved, my heart, or soulmate- an irresistible force in one's own life. it's usually used romantically, but it doesn't have to be. Galacta Knight says it here to be cruel, though i do think he means it quite wholly
when I go in for making languages, especially sci-fi or high-fantasy ones, i like to consider the alien culture that the language is formed in. for these guys, everything was star and space coded; they had no reason to care about "hearts" or "souls". they considered themselves star-like, and so gravity as a term was most important; it's the only thing that can really move them.
praise is about being bright or shiny or having strong gravitational pull; and insults, accordingly, tend to revolve around being dim/lightless or stuck in orbit around someone greater
(translation under the cut because this is already getting long, sorry... i love to talk about this... thank you for asking 😭💝)
phrase // literal translation (from starspeak) // english localisation or meaning
kalimépos // welcome first light // good morning
astéskotei // dim star // derogatory but not blindingly so; you could use it pityingly or fondly in a pinch
ei épios // me see // wake up
ei Vaýtita // my gravity // term of endearment and a relationship designator used within a star-system, usually for equal partners
eu desai Ílioz ai ei // you (are not) the Sun of me // this is basically just a rejection from Meta Knight. the Sun serves an important role in star-systems, and he's simply telling Galacta Knight to shove it. he doesn't say it very well, but he refuses to say Ílioz-ei and so turns to a slightly clunky workaround.
#galacta knight#meta knight#my art#starspeak#awtdy au#asks#i do not speak any greek (modern or ancient) or arabic and rely on google translate entirely#originally designed this language entirely for self-indulgent personal use so it's got its flaws and is ever-growing and changing#i formally apologise to any actual speakers to whom this probably looks very stupid as it is truly just words slammed around in the blender#if they mean anything in OTHER languages also i apologise; i try to make sure that they don't translate to anything but it's tricky!#was just obsessed with the idea of utilising existing cosmic designation conventions for their dumb ancient star language#also to the person who referred to this on my main comic as meta knight being ring-popped thank you for my life i loved that#my headcanons and worldbuilding
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