kids remind me, often, of the things i've taught myself out of.
i have a big dog. he looks like a deer. he is taller than most young children. while we were on a trail the other day, a boy coming our direction saw us and froze. he took a step back and said: "i'm feeling nervous. your - your dog is kind of big."
goblin and i both stopped walking immediately. "he is kind of a big dog," i admitted. "he's called a greyhound. they are gentle but they are pretty tall, which is kind of scary, you're right. their legs are so long because they are made for running fast. i am sorry we scared you. would you like us to stand still while you move past us, or would you feel more safe in your body if we move and you stay still?'
"oh. i didn't know that about - greyhounds. i think i ... i want to stay still," he said. at this point, his adult had caught up to us. "i'm nervous about the dog," he told her, "so i'm - i'm gonna stay still." she didn't argue. she didn't make fun of him. she just smiled at him and at me and held his hand while goblin and i, with as wide of a berth as we could make, crept our way through.
behind us, i heard him exhale a deep breath and kind of laugh - "he was really big, huh? she said it's because greyhounds have to go fast."
"he was big," she said. "i understand why that could have made you a little scared."
"yeah. next time i - next time do you think i could maybe ask to touch him? when - i mean, next time, maybe, if i'm not nervous."
later, going to a work event, in the big city, i stood outside, trembling. my social anxiety as a caught bird in my chest. i took a deep breath and turned to my coworker. she's not even really my friend yet. i told her: "i feel nervous about this. i am not used to meeting new people, ever since covid."
she laughed, but not in a mean way. she said she was nervous too. she reached her hand out and held mine, and we both took another deep breath and walked in like that, interlinked. a few people asked us - together? - and i told the truth: i feel nervous, and she's helping. over and over i watched people relax too, admitting i feel really kind of shy lately actually, thank you for saying that.
the next time i go to an event, and i feel a little scared, i ask right away: wanna hold hands? this feels a little dangerous. i hesitate less. i don't hide it as much. i watch for other people who are also nervous and say - it's kinda hard, huh?
i know, logically, i'm not good at asking for help. but i am also not good at noticing when i need help. i've trained myself out of asking completely, but i've also trained myself to never accept my own fears or excuses. i have trained myself to tamp down every anxiety and just-push-through. i don't know what i'm protecting myself from - just that i never think to admit it to anyone.
but every person on earth occasionally needs comfort. every person on earth occasionally needs connection. many of us were taught independence is the same thing as never needing anything.
each of us should have had an adult who heard - i feel nervous and held our hand and asked us how we could be helped to feel safe. no judgement, and no chiding. many of us did not. many of us were punished for the ways that we seemed "weak".
but here is something: i am an adult now. and i get nervous a lot, actually. and if you are an adult and you are feeling a little nervous - come talk to me. we can hold hands and figure out what will help us feel safe in our bodies. and maybe, next time, if we're brave, we can pet the dog that's passing.
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hi sorry hello excuse if i could just pardon trying to get through sorry just lemme makikiraan po it’s okay gonna sumimasen squeeze in right here perdón yeah no it’s fine just excusez moi just gotta gonna commit a little words crime and i’ll be outta your hair hha ha a
... my humor isn’t so much low hanging fruit as it’s the fruit on the ground that the wasps have eaten and gotten drunk from the fermentation and are uselessly trying to sting the air
click through to see flowers given to people for their gorgeous gorgeous work
... i legit don’t know the general etiquette for tagging people you don’t know two days in a row...
w elp; y’all should read up, 10/10 i love
Odd Man Out by the @threestripeslider
We’ll Meet Again, Soon @chiangyorange
Mutant Ninja Midlife Crisis by @mutantninjamidlifecrisis
Trial and Error by @apatheticrobots
Replica by @kathaynesart
EDIT: .......... i forGOT MNMC’S RED CRESCENTS FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF but I remembered his dumb nipple dents, call that equivalent exchange
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listen i think that porter's temperament is a little too stone-faced (hah) but also we can't deny that like. he isn't necessarily wrong? gorgug started focusing more on his artificer classes and because of that his barbarian grades slipped. now, this is complicated because he probably would be performing better if he had his MCAT, if he had that support, but from the perspective of a teacher he's seeing a student that has been performing well at his classes but doesn't have the drive or passion for it that his classmates do. it's not unreasonable to assume that if someone like that were to divide their attention they'd lose even more of that motivation.
that's also explicitly why he signs fig's MCAT even though her grades aren't great, even though she tried to trick him, because she has the drive to put herself forward the way barbarians do. he's seen how well fig performs in class, and if another teacher is confident in her ability to keep up in the warlock classes, he thinks she can keep up with barbarian because she's already been doing that. the sad thing is that gorgug probably would be able to find his own barbarian philosophy if he had someone helping and he's smart enough to do artificer with that support, but as porter sees it he needs to get that steadier base before he starts trying to build on top of it.
basically i think that porter is a hardass but not a bad dude.
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one of the things about being an educator is that you hear what parents want their kids to be able to do a lot. they want their kid to be an astronaut or a ballerina or a politician. they want them to get off that damn phone. be better about socializing. stop spending so much time indoors. learn to control their own temper. to just "fucking listen", which means to be obedient.
one of the things i learned in my pedagogy classes is that it's almost always easier to roleplay how you want someone to act. it's almost always easier to explain why a rule exists, rather than simply setting the rule and demanding adherence.
i want my kids to be kind. i want them to ask me what book they should read next, and i want to read that book with them so we can discuss it. i want my kid to be able to tell me hey that hurt my feelings without worrying i'll punish them. i want my kid to be proud of small things and come running up to me to tell me about them. i want them to say "nah, i get why this rule exists, but i get to hate it" and know that i don't need them to be grateful-for-the-roof-overhead while washing the dishes. i want them to teach me things. i want them to say - this isn't safe. i'm calling my mom and getting out of this. i want them to hear me apologize when i do fuck up; and i want them to want to come home.
the other day a parent was telling me she didn't understand why her kid "just got so angry." this woman had flown off the handle at me.
my dad - traditional catholic that he is - resents my sentiment of "gentle parenting". he says they'll grow up spoiled, horrible, pretentious. granola, he spits.
i am going to be kind to them. i am going to set the example, i think. and whatever they choose become in the meantime - i'm going to love them for it.
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Greeting and saying bye to other Jews on and before Yom Kippur is so awkward
like for every other holiday you basically say "have a good holiday" or whatever the hebrew version of that is. But for Yom Kippur it's like. "have a good fast" but also the fast won't be good that's the point so like "have an ok fast" i guess but that's kind of awkward to say and "have a good Yom Kippur" doesn't work cause it's not supposed to be good that's the whole point.
wtf am I supposed to say
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