#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl- | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

papers4me · 3 years

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Fruits Basket Manga Review, ch (92-93)

That was painful & so well-written! This analysis will focus on kyokyo mainly & faintly on her effect on kyo. Although, her story affects tohru’s life immensely, I won’t analyze tohru’s part & will wait until it’s a tohru’s chapter to use the knowledge of kyoko’s past to better read tohru’s mind & understand her decisions! Can’t wait! after all, that’s why I’ve read the manga to begin with!

-Kyoko’s Atonement: (the weight of words):

Kyoko breaks down after she learns she’s expecting. Why? cuz she hurt her mom. The notion that “yeah my parents caused me emotional trauma & so I’mma hurt them as well” is toxic & burdening as it starts a cycle of pain. Kyoko was right. She had no idea how her mom felt seeing her rebel, or follow violence or hear her harsh words. I’m not cleansing the mom from guilt nor responsibility. I’m just saying since the mom’s pov is blocked from us, assuming shes similar to the dad is wrong. kyoko’s fear of being punished with a child similar to herself is genuine, realistic & refreshing to see expressed in anime! usually character like kyoko are cool & brave, but here she’s humanly weak & doubtful. LOVE IT!

Moreover, in furuba words weigh on ppl & have consequences. We see this with kyo. His dad destroyed him verbally with words “ not my fault, it’s yours” that kyo echoes back to yuki! meaning the consequences of the dad’s words cause harm to his wife, kyo & even yuki!. Kyo was tormented with his own words for long time & clung to them even more in order not to resort to suicide! “ not my fault, it’s the rat’s” . Words can crush you down so bad if you hear them from loved ones, & worse if you utter them back to other loved ones! here kyoko learned that just the mere thought of her future child echoing her words back to her would torment her to death! Excellent writing!

-Katsuya invented Furuba’s vision (Accepting weakness & moving on):

The teachings of kyoko & tohru were really katsuya’s after all. I’m fne with that. These teachings are the core of Furuba’s vision. He tells kyoko to accept that she’s weak, afraid & doubtful. it’s okay. But gives her tools to move on. Your kid isn’t you. They’re an individual person. As parents all we can do is give love/hugs (sth kyoko’s parents didnt do), listen to them (sth yuki’s parents didnt do) & if they do sth wrong will explain it & teach them well (sth kyo’s parents didn’t do, his wrong deed was being born a cat spirit & he was hated for it with no explanation, mom gave lots of “fake” love & escaped by death, dad became a raging monster). Accepting weakness & moving on is what the cursed sohmnas needed to do to heal & what tohru taught them. Off course, tohru herself struggled to follow her own teachings & that’s amazingly realistic!

-Kyoko’s guilt (punishment brings ease):

Kyoko wanted to be punished so harsh for her husband’s death. The gossip got to her. She failed him as a life’s companion. Taking care of our loved ones is a duty we carry with much love & care. Them slipping away is perceived as us failing by none than ourselves. The thing is, death comes with no warning at times. It was his time to leave. Accepting it or not, wont bring him back, but accepting it will help kyoko deal with pain while not accepting will cause more pain for her & tohru.

One of the most painful things abt grief is that it’s personal. Life continues around you. Only you feel it. “didn’t the world end when katsuya died”. No kyoko. Only you died emotionally. Only him died physically. Kyo once said “ mom why didn’t you kill me instead”. A different reaction to grief, guilt & pain, but same conclusion: neither katsuya nor kyo’s mom are coming back no matter how much pain kyo or kyoko felt.

Kyoko found ease in emotional death, neglecting & refusing life, punishing herself for staying after him.

kyo found ease in rage & blaming others as he his father did, later he’ll escape to emotional & physical slow death “ cat cage/confinement”.

tohru... found ease in pretending "I’m okay” & her mom is alive.. but not physically.. emotionally, so she’ll ignore the truth & live only for her.

Didn’t I say grief is harsh, weird & very very personal. It’s hard to explain, deal with & heal. The mere words of consolation hurt cuz the grieving ones dont want to accept loved one are really gone. Her dad’s harsh words cemented the “emotional death” that kyoko felt. I’m not needed. neither katsuya. nor parents in general. depression. misery. sadness. emptiness.

-The tv show helped to trigger kyoko’s desire to “meet” katsuya. She has already reached the conclusion that she isnt needed. So, the tv show with their words of the deceased wanting you to be happy. triggered her into misinterpreting the words as to mean her death NOT fuel her to live in his memory as intended.

- “Loosing your way first before finding your answer” is okay & so human!:

Ironically..Tohru... was the person Kyoko was punishing NOT herself: By being emotionally dead, kyoko neglected her daughter. Her world shouldnt be just one person. There are others. Katsuya himself gave her a person to love. Tohru. Kyoko chose death & unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher thsn what kyoko faced. She was about to do, but was saved by a nameless child who reminded her of tohru. She chose wrong first but later saw her answer. Kyo chose death by accepting the confinement & he, too, unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher if he wasnt with her. He chose wrong first but later saw his answer. Off course kyo’s story is more developed & complicated as he dealt with bigger issues than just tohru & his answer wasn't just loving tohru alone but also loving himself & choosing to live for them both: himself & tohru.

-Kyo’s guilt is a concussion thought eating him alive:

Part of why kyo’s story was one of the most human & complex is due him loosing his way first, failing, repeating mistakes “ I always though that hurting ppl was the only thing I was good at, after all, isnt that why mom died?” Kyo’s nightmare being a conscious effect of hearing tohru’s talk abt “ videos & memories of loved ones” is 1000 times stronger & more human than a cliche effect of seeing a “ hat” & to revive a a blocked memory... What the hell!! truly disgusting how the emotional weigh is reduced for stupid cliche drama !!!!!! ..

Anyway, kyo actively & consciously wanted punishment .He was sure that kyoko blamed him” I wont forgive you” can only mean what it literally means. The purpose of the nightmare is to cause kyo to seek “ emotional death” like kyoko & to loose his path more. It is meant to prepare kyo to refuse tohru even more. Therefore, the pay off at the climax will be better & stronger.

Reading kyo’s inner thoughts will never not be refreshing!!! Also, the slow burn is cooked on low , hot fire , so the pay off will be the most delicious there is!

Side Notes:

I’ve stated my feelings regarding the age gap between kyoko & katsuya in last chapter’s preview post. I’m done with it & won’t let it interfere with my analysis of kyoko nor tohru.

The idea of just being together as a fun hanging out activity without being bothered much of where reminds ms so much of kyo & tohru!! we see them being happy together in the anime in kazuma’s house, shigure’s rooftop, cooking pancake in the kitchen! I really like this domestic feel of romance! it contradicts the notion of expensive restaurant with the girl wearing a breathtaking dress to woo the guy for it to be utterly romantic as we see in movies, & other stories.

NGL, katsuya looked sexy waiting home.. damn it! >_<

I cried watching tohru between her parents, how they acted & how loved she was! T_T. it reminded me of my niece How her dad’s death affected her! She was the apple of his eyes.. T_T.

Tohru is indeed a rice ball! her dad gave her a masculine name while tohru is so feminine! his reasoning is “finding salty taste in sweet things make the taste better & stronger, kinda giving it a hidden flavour”, the rice ball has a pickle inside it & it’s what makes the taste so savory & delicious!

Grandpa’s “ chance meetings could lead to variety of outcomes, good or bad” YES! kyo/tohru/yuki meeting each other by chance. Fiction make it look weird, but trust me, real life has those by dozens!

“ i wonder how lost you’ll be, how much time you’ll need to get your answer”. He will screw up so bad, kyoko! it will be so good! one of the best screw up’s I’ve seen! so painful for him & tohru & amazingly written!

Kyo’s nightmare being connected to him remembering/dreaming of kyoko’s story is bigger effect than opening the ep with it & having the cause be sth that happened last ep, a week ago... the effect is NOT the same.

Momiji is so cute!!! did his curse break here or not yet? he seemed as tall as tohru.

Writing tohru worried abt kyo after seeing him pale is the tohru I know!! Not that stupid girl who watches the guy she loves have a panic attach in se3, ep6, then goes in ep 7...” dahhhh.. Jeez.. I duno why kyo is sleeping until now.. better laugh & make cute rice cakes” giggle giggle...That scene got me so furious even when I first saw it!! THIS IS NOT TOHRU! tohru cried for a stupid story that haru told abt puppets!! she’ll forget the person she challenges herself for is sick?! ugh!

I love seeing yuki & kyo chill & cool around each other.

Kyoko being fully dependent on katsuya can be a factor in her grief, but I’ve seen cases where both partners are independent but still be completely broken after the others’ death. Grief isn’t logical at all & is extremely personal.

#Fruits Basket #fruits basket manga #ch 92 #ch 93 #sad paper #Anime Only #manga spoilers

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writingmessynaruto · 3 years

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For the Madara request, could I get some romantic fluff for him?

I'm ace and it's really hard to find things for him that don't get very sexual and I'd love something that does not go beyond pecks you know?

Maybe brushing his hair scene? It's very self indulgence here bc unlike most ppl I headcanon his hair to be very damaged and messy, you don't throw all those fire jutsu with no heat damage you know? Little teasing about that would be nice 💖

No physical preferences, with this you don't need to specifiy gender either, you can keep it as vague as possible so it's more relatable for others too

Thanks so much for the ask! I loved writing something this sweet and affectionate. I hope you enjoy!

{ Curls and Camellia }

Madara x Reader

cw: fluff, hair-combing, romantic affection, pet names, mild cuddling

It was clear Madara didn’t care too much about his appearance around you.

Certainly, he cared enough to impress you, or at least to look presentable. He wouldn’t describe himself as high-maintenance. But you knew better.

Considering he was the clanhead, it sort of baffled you that he didn’t take better care of his hair. His long hair was a symbol of tradition and honor in the clan, and as the clanhead, it was odd that he didn’t seem too interested in upholding that, despite his conviction to his people. After a while, you came to suppose that Madara just had his own way of doing things.

Still, that way had some clumsy side-effects. Fire style jutsus were unforgiving toward everything they touched, and that also sometimes included hair. Madara had no shortage of hair, and because he never took the time to tie it up during combat (something about not “interrupting the flow of chakra”), it could quite easily get fried. On top of that, his hair was wavy, nearly curly, and that made the damage far worse.

You had brought this up before. Even as recently as last week. Though he appreciated your concerns, he didn’t make time to take care of it. So, you had taken the liberty of buying some hair oils.

And, that night, you sprang it upon him.

“I found some rejuvenating oils today.”

He nodded in acknowledgement, not looking up from the scrolls he was studying. You continued.

“If you want, I can work them through your hair while you read.”

He slowly tore his gaze away from the scroll, clearly trying to process two things at once. “My hair?”

You gave him a look. “You’re singed, love.”

“Singed?” He blinked innocently and looked over his shoulder at the ends of his hair. You laughed.

“Yes.”

“Really.” He pulled a handful of hair over his shoulder to inspect closer. You were already approaching with your supplies. As you knelt behind him, he glanced over what all you brought.

“Scissors?” he inquired.

“Some of it can’t be saved.”

Still, he was in disbelief as to how much was damaged. “How much?”

“I’ll see.”

“Not everything, right?”

“No, not everything.”

He nodded as you sorted through the most damaged sections. You snipped off a few chunks and softened the ends. It really was quite a shame he didn’t take better care of this mane. It was the envy of all his clanspeople.

“How bad is it?” He sounded nonchalant. Madara always sounded rather unconcerned about things. It was something he even intended to do. Most of the time, it was convincing. But right now, you could tell he was worrying, even if only a little.

“It’s like the aftermath of a battle.”

You were only teasing. Although he perhaps tried to hide it, you could feel him tense up. You rubbed his back in reassurance, his soft locks bunching effortlessly between your fingers.

“It’s fine,” you whispered, chuckling gently. “It won’t look any different, I promise.” If he didn’t notice the burnt hair, he probably wouldn’t notice the absence of it either.

He sighed with a smile, glancing back at you with that look. He was softer than most people realized. He enjoyed things like this, even though he didn’t take the time to do them himself. And he always had a way of making you feel appreciated. He was so easy to be near. Honestly, it was easy both of you.

You put aside the scissors, exchanging them for the comb. This wasn’t the first time you helped him with his hair, and it wouldn’t be the last. You didn’t mind that one bit. It was clear this felt just as good for him as it did for you.

Once the comb pulled through easily, it was on to the oil. You rubbed some between your hands, inhaling the fragrant smell of camellia.

“Don’t put too much in there,” Madara murmured calmly. “I don’t want to make my hair more flammable than it apparently already is.” Even from this angle, you could see the smile in his cheeks. It was contagious; as you went back to work, a smile adorned your face, too. You almost wanted to hug him. And as you smoothed the oil through his locks, a beautiful sheen began to accent his waves.

“I’ll braid it,” you assured him. “Just to keep the moisture in.” And that would protect the hair from further damage, too, you knew. It was worth another shot to ask him. “If you want, you can keep it in the braid, too. It will help prevent damage.”

“You’ll have to teach me how to do it.” Much more accepting.

“I can braid it before you leave next.” Easy. Your hands started to gather his hair into three thick sections.

“Thank you.” His voice had become even more tender now. Soon, he would likely be getting cuddly, too. He tended to get that way when his voice turned that gentle. For a war-hardened clanhead, he truly was the most gentle person you knew.

Down his back, you continued the braid until the curly ends. Once it was secured, Madara gently pulled the plait it forward to inspect it. It was like draping a thick snake over his shoulder, shiny and black and beautiful. His smile was small, almost bashful. He got like this too whenever you helped him with his hair. He could never quite look you in the eye by the time you finished. It made him go red in the face, and quite speechless.

You didn’t tease him for it. You liked his gentleness. And without a word or a nod, you scooted up next to him and stretched out on the floor. With your head rested on his lap, you could see all his scrolls laid out. Some of them you could faintly read, and others not.

He murmured overhead. “Thank you, my dove.”

When Madara got flustered, he really got flustered. His voice would hardly come out. It only made you smile.

Briefly, you glanced up at him. His hand came down to rest on your shoulder in a gentle caress, but his eyes were still fixated upon his braid. He was perhaps in wonder over how shiny it looked.

You contained a chuckle and relaxed your head again. Closing your eyes, you finally allowed yourself to deeply inhale, filling your nose with the sweet scent of camellia. You wouldn’t mind doing this more often, burnt hair aside. And you had a feeling Madara would make time for this now, even if he didn’t care much about the look of his hair -- perhaps, because, more importantly, it involved you.

Want more personalized (and queer) Madara x Reader?

Read my post and send me an ask!

#madara x reader #reader pov #naruto #madara uchiha fanfic #fluff #requests #kaiseaya

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kellyvela · 3 years

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Has GRRM ever said in any interview or on his blog that he hates Sansa's complete storyline after 4th season? I dont really follow all of his fan/media interactions but from what I can recall he has spoken abt how LF in books wont give sansa to ramsay or how noone had issue when Jeyne was given the Ramsay storyline in books etc. Asking this question to you bcs you rightly point out how ppl misunderstood his interviews/posts ( sansans/targ stans etc) & I cant recall him ever saying he 'hates' sansa's story in the later seasons of the show ( not s5 in particular but even s6 to s8).

Capclave 2013:

A change that has repercussions for season 4 is Marillion’s tongue removal from the first season. Martin said that the change was made (from an anonymous singer being the victim of a de-tonguing) because they wanted Joffrey to maim someone the audience would recognize. He believes this is an issue because of the part the singer plays in Sansa’s storyline, how he affects her interactions with others in the book, and he doesn’t believe another character will be fulfilling that role on Game of Thrones.

—GRRM talks season 4 & beyond - Winter is Coming - October 13, 2013

2014 Fan Reports about Capclave 2013 (*):

In a convention panel this year, George said on the record that he had no idea what they were doing with Sansa or where they’re taking her storyline, which now makes sense perhaps. He was not pleased when he was talking about it, so who knows what’s going to happen with her! Knowing GRRM, that could mean they’re going off the canon reservation, and/or that they’re going to be making a lot of shit up

I have notes I’ll be responding to (thanks!) but enough people commented about Sansa that I thought I’d share that tidbit, since it happened back in September iirc (was the same panel where he criticized the exclusion of Tyrell brothers)

—starkalypse - June 3, 2014

GRRM’s comments at capclave about Sansa (which I was in the third row for, for those asking about legitimacy) were among others during the panel that had a general theme of dissatisfaction with show changes. He was not in good spirits for that con and didn’t really have anything positive to say regarding the show. So take it with a grain of salt; there are deviations away from the books in the episodes he gets writers credit for, so maybe they’re doing something stupid or they really don’t have a gameplan!

—starkalypse - June 4, 2014

(*) These reports were posted in June 2014, during the airing of Game of Thrones Season 4, about Capclave 2013 that happened in October 2013.

Just after the rape episode:

How many children did Scarlett O’Hara have? Three, in the novel. One, in the movie. None, in real life: she was a fictional character, she never existed. The show is the show, the books are the books; two different tellings of the same story.

There have been differences between the novels and the television show since the first episode of season one. And for just as long, I have been talking about the butterfly effect. Small changes lead to larger changes lead to huge changes. HBO is more than forty hours into the impossible and demanding task of adapting my lengthy (extremely) and complex (exceedingly) novels, with their layers of plots and subplots, their twists and contradictions and unreliable narrators, viewpoint shifts and ambiguities, and a cast of characters in the hundreds.

There has seldom been any TV series as faithful to its source material, by and large (if you doubt that, talk to the Harry Dresden fans, or readers of the Sookie Stackhouse novels, or the fans of the original WALKING DEAD comic books)… but the longer the show goes on, the bigger the butterflies become. And now we have reached the point where the beat of butterfly wings is stirring up storms, like the one presently engulfing my email.

Prose and television have different strengths, different weaknesses, different requirements.

David and Dan and Bryan and HBO are trying to make the best television series that they can.

And over here I am trying to write the best novels that I can.

And yes, more and more, they differ. Two roads diverging in the dark of the woods, I suppose… but all of us are still intending that at the end we will arrive at the same place.

In the meantime, we hope that the readers and viewers both enjoy the journey. Or journeys, as the case may be. Sometimes butterflies grow into dragons.

—The Show, the Books - Not A Blog - May 18, 2015

Report about the last Game of Thrones Script that GRRM wrote:

No Wedding for Sansa and Ramsay: Without question, one of the most controversial changes the show made in trying to streamline the books was by slotting Sansa into the role of Ramsay’s wife and rape victim in Season 5. In the books, Ramsay marries and assaults Sansa’s best childhood friend, Jeyne Poole—who is being forced to impersonate Arya—instead. (You can actually see Jeyne briefly sitting next to Sansa in the show’s pilot.)

At the time Martin wrote this script, though, substituting Sansa for Jeyne was not yet the plan. Martin has Roose Bolton tell his bastard son: “We have a much better match in mind for you. A match to help House Bolton hold the north. Arya Stark.” It should be noted, however, that in Martin’s script, Sansa isn’t free from menace either. At his own wedding-day breakfast, Joffrey still threatens to rape the older Stark sister—once he’s “gotten Margaery with child.”)

—Game of Thrones: The Secrets of George R.R. Martin’s Final Script - Vanity Fair - December 7, 2018

A month before the Game of Throne S8 Finale:

Sansa’s story, in particular, has really deviated from the books. Ramsay Bolton — that marriage obviously was with a different character. When they start deviating like that, did you initially have any emotional reaction, even though you worked in Hollywood for many years yourself?

GRRM: Well, yeah — of course you have an emotional reaction. I mean, would I prefer they do it exactly the way I did it? Sure. But I’ve been on the other side of it, too. I’ve adapted work by other people, and I didn’t do it exactly the way they did it, so ….

Some of the deviation, of course, is because I’ve been so slow with these books. I really should’ve finished this thing four years ago — and if I had, maybe it would be telling a different story here. It’s two variations of the same story, or a similar story, and you get that whenever anything is adapted. The analogy I’ve often used is, to ask how many children did Scarlett O’Hara have? Do you know the answer to that?

I know it’s different in the book and the movie …

GRRM: Three children in the book, one by each husband. She had one child in the movie. And in real life, of course, Scarlett O’Hara had no children, because she never existed. Margaret Mitchell made her up. The book is there. You can pick it up and read Mitchell’s version of it, or you can see the movie and see David Selznick’s version of it. I think they’re both true to the spirit of the work, and hopefully that’s also true of Game of Thrones on one hand, and A Song of Ice and Fire on the other hand.

—George R.R. Martin on the Stark Sisters and Ending ‘Game of Thrones’ - RollingStone - April 22, 2019

James Hibberd’s Book:

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: Jeyne Poole was included in the pilot—she’s shown giggling next to Sansa—but she’s never seen or referred to again. I actually wrote Jeyne into “The Pointy End,” my first script, when Arya killed the stableboy. I had some stuff with Jeyne running to Sansa being all hysterical and dialogue in the council chamber with Littlefinger saying, “Give her to me, I’ll make sure she doesn’t cause any trouble.” That was dropped.

DAVID BENIOFF: Sansa is a character we care about almost more than any other. We really wanted Sansa to play a major part in that season. If we were going to stay absolutely faithful to the book, it was going to be very hard to do that. There was a subplot we loved from the books, but it was a character not involved in the show.

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: I was trying to set up Jeyne for her future role as the false Arya. The real Arya has escaped and is presumed dead. But this girl has been in Littlefinger’s control for years, and he’s been training her. She knows Winterfell, has the proper northern accent, and can pose as Arya. Who the hell knows what a little girl you met two years ago looks like? When you’re a lord visiting Winterfell, are you going to pay attention to the little kids running around? So she can pull off the impersonation. Not having Jeyne, they used Sansa for that. Is that better or worse? You can make your decision there. Oddly, I never got pushback for that in the book because nobody cared about Jeyne Poole that much. They care about Sansa.

—Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon: Game of Thrones and the Official Untold Story of the Epic Series by James Hibberd - October 6, 2020

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: My Littlefinger would have never turned Sansa over to Ramsay. Never. He’s obsessed with her. Half the time he thinks she’s the daughter he never had—that he wishes he had, if he’d married Catelyn. And half the time he thinks she is Catelyn, and he wants her for himself. He’s not going to give her to somebody who would do bad things to her. That’s going to be very different in the books.

—Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon: Game of Thrones and the Official Untold Story of the Epic Series by James Hibberd - October 6, 2020

I hope it helps you.

Thanks for your message.

#sansa stark #grrm

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adorable-elsanna · 4 years

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I don't mean to be rude, and I apologize in advance if I am!! But why do you ship this nd WHY does this ship exist? Aren't Elsa and Anna sisters? And blood related at that. I don't want to hate on ships, you can ship washer you want as long as you aren't hurting anybody!! It's just that ships like these with incest startle me a bit. Maybe I'm just confused since I really shipped Kistof and Anna so I'm missing out on this? Ahhh sorry if this is annoying!! -confused anon

Hi Confused Anon ( aren’t we all? ;) ),

Thanks for your polite ask, lol finally I get to dust off this blog’s ask box! :)) I’d love to respond with a whole essay xDD but I don’t really have time :’( so maybe I’ll just give a quick rundown for now.

I might not be the most representative person to pose this question to lol because I am an outlier in general, meaning due to my life experiences, my development, my major in college, my deep meditation practice, and more, I do not abide by normative, dominant, hegemonic social structures and social constructs (nor do I actively resist them per se), so I am unfazed by anything.

I started shipping this after I watched the first movie when it came out in Nov. 2013. One of my first posts on this blog, 7 years ago, was me explaining how I came to ship this (I had made the post private, but now you can read it here. Also this other post, but I wrote it when I was a college student, so it’s a little too analytical for my tastes now. Those were my views at the time). 7 years is a long time, so my mindsets and reasonings have changed, but all the reasons I had for shipping them from before are still with me today.

I didn’t go into the movie with the intention to ship them, but while watching it, I picked up on a lot of chemistry between them because their interactions and even storyline were infused with strong popular romantic tropes, tropes that were used in other classic Disney movies themselves. I used to watch a lot of romantic comedies so I was very familiar with common romantic tropes. Of course, having came away from the movie having noticed all these romantic notes between them, I was a little confused and thought maybe it was just me. But when I went online to search a bit to see if others saw/felt what I saw, I found out it wasn’t just me!

So one of the reasons why this ship exists is because people picked up on the romantic tropes that colored some of Elsa and Anna’s interactions, tropes that have usually only appeared between romantic couples, in films and in real life. Even if the creators didn’t intend to and didn’t actively put the tropes there, they are there.

If we apply the principles of Buddhism (not the religion. Many ppl mistakenly practice things as devotional worship or for superstitious reasons. But if ppl really want to know everything about the mind, how the world works, the universe, who they are, about themselves and “other” people and why people do what they do, the meaning of life, true happiness, the end of suffering and stress and conflict, and consciousness, then forget psychology [not saying it’s not useful though]. Buddhism, or rather Buddhadharma, is the true science of mind, or at least the much more effective tool), it says that there is the law of cause and effect, the universal law. Everything that is created in the universe and each phenomenon that happens is the result of the momentary coming together of causes and conditions that make that thing happen. There are many many causes and conditions and intricacies and things are interconnected and interdependent, no one person can control something to happen (certain conditions have to be there for something to happen). Something can not come from nothing. If something happens, then certain causes and conditions have been created to bring that result. A seed was planted. If we plant an apple seed, what comes out will be an apple tree (provided the right conditions were met, like water, soil, sunlight, etc.). It will never come out as a banana tree. And so we can understand the underlying principle behind how each situation and phenomenon arises, about existence itself, why each thing exists.

Now WHY did I go off on that tangent??? LOL All of this is to say that certain causes and conditions have been created to result in the effect of many people shipping Elsa and Anna together and there being a fandom for them. (These principles and explanations might seem very simple and like kindergarten stuff, but despite that, many people can’t accept it. ESPECIALLY when it applies to heavy stuff in their regular everyday life. Or even trivial things tbh lol) The last I checked, there were people from at least 26 different countries shipping Elsa and Anna together.

Everyone thinks they see reality exactly as it is and takes it for granted, and thus attach strongly to the notion that they’re right. But if that’s the case, then why are there so many fights over who is right? So who is actually right? Even if someone were to follow the majority consensus or some popular, ingrained, long-standing ideas / societal rules, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re right. There are many cases of the blind leading the blind. People used to follow the geocentric model of the universe before they discovered heliocentrism. Ideas are always in flux and keeps changing and transforming, sometimes faster, sometimes slower, sometimes imperceptibly and sometimes conspicuously. If you ask 100 different people why they ship Elsa and Anna, you will get 100 different answers (with a lot of overlap of course) with unique spins on their reasons. Because in the world, each person sees reality through their own color-tinted glasses and filters and adherence to labels, concepts, beliefs, upbringing, etc. And then the person seeing “reality” through red-tinted glasses gets mad at the person seeing with blue-tinted glasses for not seeing the world how they see it (and gets frustrated not understanding why), and vice versa. In this scenario, what is actually best? To realize you’re seeing “reality” through color-tinted glasses, and so you should take them off and truly see reality without any filtered lenses. (This is a little off-topic, but I had to bring some Buddhism into this because first of all, dharma applies to everything lol, and secondly, Buddhism is all about dispelling confusion. There is definitely a way to see reality exactly as it is, it typically involves meditation.)

Yes, Elsa and Anna are sisters. But I’ve never seen any pair of sisters act like them before (if there are, then that’s great!). I have a sibling myself, and we are very close, but we don’t act like how Elsa and Anna act with each other. With most siblings, I would say there’s a lot more joking around, teasing each other, sarcasm, pranks, and casual relaxed communication than the intense intimacy, deep eye-contact, and soul-bonding that Elsa and Anna share. Disney has portrayed many other sibling relationships before, but it seems like they tried something a little different with Elsa and Anna’s relationship that made it pretty easy for many people to ship them together.

I ship Elsa and Anna together because their pure true love for each other transcends all labels, concepts, preconceived notions, and time and space. They are completely selfless when it comes to one another and that’s what true love means. They make each other better people and it empowers them to extend this selflessness toward other people. Their sacrificing themselves for each other and selflessness in action is true love exemplified. No one deserves Elsa more than Anna, and no one deserves Anna more than Elsa (speaking from my shipper heart xD). Confining and defining their love as just sisterly seems limiting and not allowing the full potential of their true, expansive, infinite love to manifest. (A sibling relationship is really beautiful, but it still has to be shaped and look a certain way, it has to fit into a particular mold and box and abide by certain conditions. Otherwise, as we have incontrovertibly seen, people will scream bloody murder and be squicked out and all hell will break loose.)

We can even go one step further to say that the same similarly applies to people’s definitions, notions, concepts, ideas, and beliefs about love. They say this love is like this and that love is like that, this is what love should look like, this person can love this person but only if it’s like this and not like that, this is what it means to love and to be loved, etc. Again, it’s limiting, and placing restrictions on something whose essence is boundless. In Buddhism, with the realization of Enlightenment, one realizes that true love is selfless, unconditional, boundless, free, all-encompassing, nondual, timeless, compassionate, wise, nondiscriminating, infinite, universal, endlessly flowing, non-judgmental, creative, indescribable, and inconceivable. So THIS is the love that I see and ship between Elsa and Anna. I love their relationship as sisters, but their love is so grand that it cannot be contained inside that label, so it transcends and goes beyond any attempts to neatly define and characterize it.

It’s okay if incest ships startle you. Uncomfortable feelings come up whenever the ego experiences anything that challenges its worldview and everything it’s ever known and held to be true, and that prompts it to question and reconsider its mind-constructs. We have a knee-jerk reaction to grasp, hold, and attach to what we like, and to avoid, reject, and push away what we don’t like and what makes us feel uncomfortable. For what it’s worth, Buddhism tells about the cycle of life, death, and rebirth from beginningless time, so we have all lived infinite past lives and been each other’s lovers, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, enemies, grandparents, etc. at one point or another. (Deep, but intriguing!, topics for another time.)

If you really like to ship Krist0ff and Anna, then go ahead and ship happily. First rule of Buddhist meditation: Whatever you do, ONLY DO IT, 100%. ;) And if you don’t do something, then don’t do it, 100%. And then move on to the next moment. Be in the present moment. And remember that everything is changing moment by moment. Mind is changing moment by moment. Don’t need to anticipate the next moment. Who knows where our shipper hearts will take us.

I like to ship people based on their chemistry and characterization. Elsa and Anna have a great true love story that is theirs and theirs alone. I don’t like to ship relationships that seem contrived, thrown in there for the sake of it, not fleshed out, lacking in substance, trite, and with characters who are underwhelming or underdeveloped.

Lol no worries, this is not annoying, I’m sorry this is so long and that I took 7 days to get back to you. I wish I could give specific examples from the movies with beautiful gifs to explain why I ship them (I’ve probably written such posts in the past. Maybe I’ll come back to edit this reply one day), but I’ve gotta skedaddle! I’d like to hear your thoughts about my reply if you actually read this, so please send me a message in the ask box again if you can.

Also I’m a girl if that makes any difference, but yeah anyway, skedaddle time, love you all!

Oooooh I never finished replying to someone else’s ask box message asking me why I shipped them, it’s from years ago :’(, I started typing my reasons and saved it in my drafts, but it’s incomplete. But here’s what I wrote at the time!

1. I just love everything that Elsa and Anna feel and do for each other. Elsa isolates herself from Anna to keep her safe, and Anna persists in trying to get Elsa to open up to her and goes to find her when she runs away. They’re always thinking of each other and worrying about each other. They act selflessly for one another and their unconditional love is expressed so genuinely. This kind of devotion in any relationship is rare.

2. There was a lot of chemistry between them in the movie. At the coronation ball scene, I get that the creators were trying to depict awkwardness between them since they haven’t spoken in a long time, and Anna wanted reassurance that Elsa didn’t hate her so she was nervous about getting Elsa’s attention and approval, but the scene came off as Elsa being kind of suave and flirty and Anna being flustered because her crush just complimented her. Then Anna gave Elsa a playful smile when she was dipped upside-down as if she only had eyes for Elsa.

When Anna stares admiringly at Elsa as she stands atop the staircase, it was like a scene straight out of A Cinderella Story or Enchanted where the prince stares at his true love like she took his breath away.

#anonymous #anon #asks #adorable-elsanna's asks

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telesthisia · 4 years

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; mun & muse - meme.

TAGGED BY: @hyaciiintho thank you so much!!! <3 TAGGING: @rcguna @cadcnce either or whatever works for you bear, @panickypeachboy @paintmaid @emfiliae @windmcge and you as well!! The person reading this

FILL OUT & REPOST ♥ this meme definitely favors canons more, but i hope oc’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. multi-muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm. <--- leaving this here because this is super sweet ALSO FAIR WARNING my blog has right click turned off. I’m going to be placing this under readmore but I think you can see it on dashboard view! If not lmk we’ll work something out!!!

MY MUSE IS: CANON / OC / AU (Verse dependent) / CANON-DIVERGENT (Interactions & verse dependent) / FANDOMLESS

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES well kinda at least thanks to ssbu before she wasn’t that well known I MEAN PPL KNEW HER BUT SHE DIDN’T HAVE AS MANY FANART AS OTHER ZELDAS SDJBKHJABSD/ NO

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK because not too many people talk about her and by her I mean ALTTP Zel, people are bonkers over SSBU Zel!

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO if we’re talking about the canon of ALTTP and OoX series rather than ssbu it’s a hard no, she has enough magic to be considered a sacrifice to break barriers and revive the dead but not enough to fend herself off from evil mages who want to talk over the world / IDK

Are they underrated? YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO / MAYBE

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO / MAYBE

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON? NOT THAT STRICT HONESTLY, she’s just an OC at this point haha because she has zero substance in her own god damn game ;v; she’s just exposition.txt with dulcina effect playing into view though it is somewhat justified since she is the princess and the only thing that stopped Agahnim from breaking out Ganon.... I MEAN!!! SHE’S NOT AT ALL A DEPRESSED CALM ROMANTIC IN CANON LET’S PUT IT TO YOU THAT WAY SDBKASDJHBDASD.

SELL YOUR MUSE! AKA TRY TO LIST EVERYTHING, WHICH MAKES YOUR MUSE INTERESTING IN YOUR OPINION TO MAKE THEM SPICY FOR YOUR MUTUALS. TAKES A DEEP BREATH

Tiny funky elf princess trying her best to rule elf kingdom. HJKA there’s more, I’m lazy but not that lazy. She’s the descendent of essentially a mortal god, more than likely acting as an avatar of sorts to the goddess Hylia, as such she’s gifted with fantastical abilities that’s been passed down her family for generations and she intends to use these powers to protect her kingdom that’s still on the road of recovery, as the sole survivor from Agahnim’s destruction upon Hyrule and thus sole scion she’s left picking up the small fragments from the tragedy that occurred ages ago where the Hero of Time had fallen. But here’s the downside to these powers: she was born with a very weak body and poor health as such she can’t utilize the abilities she has from her bloodline aside from a few powers without affecting her low stamina issues. Namely telepathy, clairvoyance, healing, sealing things away, creating barriers, and connection with the spirit realm. As such, she tends to rely on the wisdom given to her by her naturally bright mind and enhanced by the mythical object known as the Triforce of Wisdom. Surprisingly, she can be cunning despite her soft-hearted nature and is willing to do whatever it takes to protect her kingdom and people she loves, her silent determination more than makes up for the lack of powers she may have. That in mind, she’s often the target of more nefarious plans that means the downfall of her kingdom. She may not have the amazing light magic spells her ancestors did to prevent darkness from taking over but that doesn’t mean her magic isn’t any less potent, she just can’t tap into it. She’s an easy target for enemies that wish to use her sacred powers to revive the dead Ganon or break pass whatever powerful barrier or seal that’s in place.

Her future is pretty grim as well, considering she has a shorter life span. But it’s fine, things are fine she may have a gloomy outlook on certain things but that doesn’t stop her from living life!! Despite how sour this may all seem Zelda is still that encouraging young woman whose kindness defines her, she’s playfully innocent around friends and enjoys exploring old places of decay that’s rich with history! She tends to bottle up her more negative aspects to not worry others since she’s the pillar of an entire ass nation, she needs to maintain her placid demeanor as a means to calm and soothe others around her. Because the truth of the matter is that the events of ALTTP (before the game where harsh plagues among other things happened before Agahnim arrived to fix everything as well as after the events of the game) and OoX, instances where she’s witnessed death of loved ones, the downfall of her kingdom, and coming across death herself has affected her greatly. She suffers from grief and depression that needs to be addressed but... ;v;

NGL I’M ABOUT TO CRY

NOW THE OPPOSITE, LIST EVERYTHING WHY YOUR MUSE COULD NOT BE SO INTERESTING (EVEN IF YOU MAY NOT AGREE, WHAT DOES THE FANDOM PERHAPS THINK?). HJKA TAKE OUT MY BULLSHIT TAKE ON HER AND YOU’RE LEFT WITH EXPOSITION AND DAMSEL IN DISTRESS!!! She’s not at all interesting if you don’t take into account her roles in the mangas which I somewhat base her personality and thoughts on... she’s just.... nice pretty princess that needs to be rescued. A tale as old as time....

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE? GOOD QUESTION!!! BECAUSE I STARTED OUT WITH HILDA BEFORE DECIDING TO GO WITH SKY ZELDA BECAUSE I WANTED TO DO A MORE OUTGOING MUSE and then I opened up a sideblog for this Zelda out of whim. There’s no reason why I choose the most obscure Zelda, I just did it because I thought it’d be fun. I did not expect this much characterization for someone like her ngl. I guess what keeps me going is the fact that she’s a fun character to write for!

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING? HA!!! NOTHING!!! Mental illness is a bitch, I will have my down... weeks. Not days, literal weeks or months depending on how long my episodes last. It sucks, and I try to work around it but there’s not much I can do. That said, inspiration depends on motivation and want to write. As well as focus because god knows I have so little of that.

SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.

give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO I TRY BUT UNDERSTAND THERE’S NOT MUCH TO WORK WITH IN CANON YOU EITHER LIKE HER OR DON’T

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO but I honestly should???

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES where’s the kinda opition, because I personally love her and think she’s interesting enough but I’m still working a lot on her NO

Are you confident in your writing? YES / HA HARD NO

Are you a sensitive person? YES fun part of having ADD is that you feel emotions more intenstly, I’m naturally a senstive person too so :’)))) / NO

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL? YES OF COURSE!!!! As someone who wants to grow more in writing any sort of feedback is appreciated!

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER? If you give me the chance to ramble about this stupid elf I will literally love you so much like I love all sorts of questions anyone may have about her!! Though I feel my rambles don’t really make much sense since I just type whatever pops in the mind and put it down as fast as I can without double-checking well enough.

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY? Sí! Again, I want to grow more as a writer and rper! So if someone were to come across a headcanon they don’t like I’d like to know why so that I can think more critically about it and fix it so that it better fits Zelda. If someone were to say “I don’t like this” without saying why it really won’t help much aside from letting me know that you don’t like the thing, which is fine and valid but pls let me know why!

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT? Eh, fine with it. I honestly don’t mind if someone doesn’t like my characters, any of my characters I play as! Sometimes, certain portrayals aren’t someone’s cup of tea and that’s perfectly fine. I won’t take offense to it, at the end of the day while I’m still working on Zelda I’m happy with how much she’s grown over the years I’ve played her as... which were just two but it feels longer dude!!!

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT? Again, I wouldn’t care that much lol. It’s just rping, it’s really not that deep. It’s no different from someone not liking a book because they just don’t vibe with the writing style among other reasons. I may be sensitive but I don’t really take a lot of things personally.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS? Ye uvub! I’m a literal dumbass behind a keyboard, don’t be afraid to say “hey this wasn’t spelled right” or “hey this doesn’t make much sense mind checking it over really quick”.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN? I THINK?! I MEAN HONESTLY I’M SUPER ANXIOUS AND A WORRYWART I JUST DON’T SHOW IT MUCH AAAAAAAA I’d like to think of myself as chill ;v; I try to treat others how I want to be treated and just try to be nice. Idk if I come across as that or not, it’s hard to convey feelings through text sometimes to some.

#THIS TOOK ME A BIT BECAUSE MY ATTENTION SPAN IS ALL OVER THE PLACE #ooc postings.#i need to sneep but.... i just need to answer meme too ;v; at least do one writing on here! i feel bad not doing much aaaa #dash games.

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satchaccuss · 4 years

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My A.B.O-verse wish.

Not sure if a.b.o-verse is a specific thing or if it is any a.b.o universe containing these roles/classes.

Warning: This might gross some ppl out, it is about a.n.a.l kind of after all.

I want (fan)fiction written where all roles can self lubricate so an*l isn’t such a major hassle when you want a switch-couple. It isn’t that hard to make happen either ffs ppl!

Just write that because how the roles have genetically developed alfas have fewer lubrication glands in their colon and vagina, and that is just how it is, they will need some prep and lube no matter what, but at least it isn’t dry as a desert if they are sufficiently aroused and excited to have a d*ck up their a*s.

Now this idea all started with me saddened that my bias isn’t really an alfa or an omega, they are more of a middle thing, so a beta and in such: I was feeling it is unfair for betas that they can’t self lubricate like omegas can, and the idea and scenario that developed in my head after that was that: it would realistically actually be more probable that betas also would be capable of self lubrication if there is an alfa present and no omegas. Now mpreg makes me uncomfortable because.... just no thank you. But lets say when early man roamed the earth in this universe it was a thing, then it would make sense that if there were no omegas around the betas would have the kids and such be capable of self lubricating. Tho the mpreg stuff disappeared through the ages and the development of medicine and genetic research and or urbanization or something so it isn’t a thing in the universe anymore. Anyway: I say betas should at the best of times with no omega around and an alfa they want be able to produce equally as much lubrication as any omega, maybe even as much (in rare circumstances of extreme arousal) as an omega in the midst of their heat. All in all: despite the lesser amounts of glands a beta has than an omega the difference in lubrication capability should be mostly negligible.

Tho I do understand that just having the cake and eating it too isn’t very fun or dramatic, hence why I added the realistic rule of: no omegas present. If the couple intends to f*ck against the wall in the middle of a dorm full of all kinds of ppl including omegas the lubrication will be lackluster (but maybe true love, mates, or extreme f*cking arousal can be exceptions to the rule, after all who doesn’t love cake? Unless you do of course but you know what I mean lol) and prepping and physical lube might/will be needed.

Please don’t make omegas trash or lower class citizens and please don’t make alfas c*nts.

I see the roles as more of: Alfas either take charge most or all of the time and/or lead and support the pack and the “weak”. OR my favorite honestly: they are just alfas. Strong “underneath” (Idunno, magic hidden superior muscle tissue?) and ferocious when pressed but chill and laid back and nice and calm and easy going. Sure, he’ll/she’ll help you with your heat no problem, but they wont force you into anything or come at you when they have their rut (if that exists in your universe, I think if the betas work as I want them too tho then maybe you can make some hot stuff happen). (yes ok, I like some power play some times: the alfa being so manly and sexy and amazing smelling that the beta’s or omega’s knees go weak and they f*ck against the nearest surface if they are both actually legitimately willing and wanting of course, no r*pe here please or lack of physical consent: if they kiss back and rub and don’t say no, then go for it you know?). Anyway, the alfas are silent powerful guardians that linger in the back of the pack, ready at any moment despite how calm or uninterested they might look, to back up the actual leader should trouble arise or ready to protect the whole pack or any member of it should the leader fail to take charge or not be present at the moment. Maybe they get ruts, maybe they don’t: it is your story!

Betas take the middle ground: They will lead and take charge if no one else will or they will nurture and care for their pack/ppl if no one else will, they will do what needs to be done especially if there is a role that needs to be filled and it doesn't have anyone to fill it.

Omegas take care of the pack, in any way that fits their personality I guess. Like, the class clown: making merry for everyone's amusement or the “mom”: cooking and cleaning maybe. I think that is a good way of putting it, but: the omegas aren’t necessarily that different from betas in my ideal world: they might’ve been in prehistoric times, but modern society has put an end to the need for such diversity between the roles. Maybe make the knotting-thing an non-necessity too and just have the act of climaxing repeatedly be the end all be all over I don’t know how many days a heat go on for but yeah that. Otherwise having a beta top during a heat is pointless so to speak and if your bias is a beta and you’d like em to top an omega during their heat it wouldn’t be very... productive?

The biggest difference in my universe is simply their smells, it seams. lol

So for the heats/ruts. I think you can work with these existing, and have some nice steamy results. But I want more control. No omega just so blindly in need of a knot or climax that they will take any and all, because that isn’t very romantic, not that all stories have to be romantic but I like the idea of mates, predestined or otherwise, so yeah. And no super crazy effect on the surroundings either please, of course they can smell it, but it isn’t a usual occurrence for any old alfa to approach an omega about to enter into or already in heat and proposition them, it might happen if you are conventionally attractive perhaps, but not usually. This is modern society after all, and civility is the norm. Equally I don’t want no alfa so crazy with need they’ll force themselves on someone either. They might insist quite heavily for sure, but no means no! Antagonists in stories are allowed to break that rule to an extent but no one (should) wants to read about r*pe.

Why the heat/ruts if mpreg is out of the question and modern society has put almost an end to the big diversity between the the non-alfa types? Because it enables lustful hot sex with animalistic instincts as semi-drive? All in all tho: because well-written hot sex is the best and if it comes from uncontrollable forces it can add a nice hot spinn on an otherwise dry (eventual) love story.

I think a rare but nice story element I would like to see is the omega feeling the heat and seducing a chill willing alfa. They do both want it of course, but the alfa isn’t going to just take it from you unless you make that exceptionally clear.

...My thought for this was an excited omega Jangjun wanting his hyung (Idunno why, I just ship them, ok) to f*ck him (or maybe a more graceful way of putting it would be he wants him to help him through his heat) by gently but insistingly “coercing” a semi-sleepy Daeyeol to f*ck him by smelling really good, (I mean c’mon, he is an omega in heat and yeol is a single alfa lol) and licking and nipping at erogenous zones to get the other aroused (in more ways than one hah. Now I ain’t saying he is deep asleep of course, he is just resting in bed for a bit or maybe he is about to go to sleep, either way works. Please someone write this!).

I assume a rut would work the same, the alfa will endure until the love interest offers to help or an assertive alfa might make his interest known to the love interest through asking for help or something. Yeah I ran out of steam, Idunno what to say here. Sorry.

Anyway:

Please make the lubrication idea the norm when it comes to the A.B.O-verse. Not everyone is an alfa or even an omega, some ppl are betas and they deserve some hot spontaneous self lubricated sex too.

#a.b.o-verse?#A.B.O sex #alfa beta omega lubrication #alfa beta omega #a.b.o fanfiction #alfa beta omega fanfiction #a.b.o fiction #alfa beta omega fiction

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aelinbitch-archive · 5 years

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unpopular opinion: i don’t like rowan/rowaelin. i’m not here to convince u to unstan lol ppl are allowed to like/dislike things w/o feeling bad about it omg but i hate that some rowan stans are so insensitive when it comes to those who don’t like him! they’re so thirsty for him that they condemn anyone who doesn’t stan him & then excuse his problematic/lowkey triggering actions bc he’s hot and it’s gross. AGAIN not saying ppl can’t like rowan it’s ok lol but it’s more about some stan’s behavior

That’s totally fair my angel. I dislike the vibe that some people are locked out of the fandom for not being a cheerleader for every aspect of the series, and I hope that my followers/mutuals know that if they dislike stuff I like, or like stuff I dislike, expressing their opinions regarding that won’t ever cause me to cut them off (unless it’s like, some truly gross shit, which disliking rowaelin isn’t).

Also I have to say, even tho I do like rowaelin, I understand where you’re coming from about people excusing his actions because he’s hot. I’ve toooooootally seen that. And I’ll just be 100% honest - no shade to anyone, but some of the rowaelin content on this website disturbs me a little bit, in terms what’s considered hot/romantic/acceptable when writing or depicting them in art. I’ve seen some weird stuff defended as hot or even just “not that bad.” Which isn’t necessarily a problem with canon, but your ask was more about stans anyway, so yeah.

A while ago I actually wrote rowaelin meta in response to some other peeps (which was more about Aelin in relation to Rowaelin and how she’s included or not included in discussions of the ship, but it has some thoughts relevant to this ask) so I’m gonna just copy and paste what I wrote below and feel free to read if u want. (It’s like very overdramatic and fiery lmao but anyway).

I agree with a lot of this, but (at risk of derailing ms aelinapologist’s amazing post) I do have a few things to say, which are

1. OP took two whole paragraphs at the beginning of her post to say that the point wasn’t to discourse about rowaelin being abuse or not abuse, it was to talk about how the conversations centering around said abuse consistently display a disturbing lack of empathy for the character who should be the main concern of the debate. So I just find it a bit funny/odd that the replies (including a portion of the one I’m about to make, I admit that) have been like “Yeah great post! And now to discourse about Rowaelin-” but I digress.

2. I have consistently loved reading about Rowan and Aelin and they’re one of my favorite fictional couples. So nothing I’m about to say is intended to be like “GOTCHA they suck and you suck for liking them!!!” Because I like them as well. A lot. And in addition, nothing about this reblog is intended to be shady or confrontational in any way shape or form. I just think this is a great and very needed discussion I’d like to contribute to, so here goes.

3. Even if we look at HoF alone and ignore how things play out later: yes, they are both mean to one another, yes, they are both in a dark place and end up having a mutually positive effect on one another (so I definitely agree that, at least for HoF alone, it’s not a “douchey guy changes for the heroine story”) but. There IS still a power imbalance. I don’t think it’s entirely accurate to say “they were both bad The End” without also bringing up the fact that Rowan is 300 years old and Aelin is 18, and that Rowan is training Aelin and is in a position that gives him a massive amount of control over her, and that he is stronger and more powerful than her physically, magically, and socially (he is a prince and legendary warrior, she is a AWOL teenage princess currently working as a scullery maid).

Maybe I’m reading into it too much, but I really just don’t think that Aelin, a 17 y/o girl going through an unimaginably shitty time, being like “fuck you!!” to this 300 y/o jerk who doesn’t know shit about her is on the same level as aforementioned 300 y/o jerk hitting her, biting her, and telling her she would have been of more use to the world if she’d died when she was eight.

And in addition to that, we see that his behavior effects her a lot more than it effects him. When he verbally tears her down, we see her experience genuine and devastating despair and shame, whereas everything she does and says to him, no matter how snarky or outright cruel, is not having that same effect on him. People always seem to think they’re giving Aelin credit for being a Strong Woman™ by saying “she’s tough! she can handle it!” when in reality… we have evidence for the fact that she kinda can’t handle it. That the way he treats her in the beginning is slowly wearing her down and sending her deeper into a depressive state. And I don’t understand how it somehow reflects poorly on Aelin (or is even misogynist) to acknowledge this. Women, especially literal teenage girls, should not be measured by their tolerance for mistreatment.

All I really wish is that somewhere along the line we’d gotten a genuine apology from Rowan for this besides a throwaway line in KoA about regretting their “brawling.” And again, none of this is to say “see!! it IS abuse!!” it’s just to suggest that, even as an enemies to friends to lovers story, the “enemies” part was not exactly on a level playing field.

4. But with that being said, I could probably forgive the imbalance in their early relationship, mostly because their later relationship, as both friends and lovers, is so amazing and supportive in pretty much every way. And the great thing about enemies to FRIENDS to lovers, like you said, is that 1) none of the assholery occurred during any kind of romantic or sexual relationship or a transition into one, so it was sort of “fair and square” in that way, and 2) they had the opportunity form a solid, platonic foundation of trust and caring before they crossed into the lover territory.

Aaaaaaaaaand then Sarah did a retcon job on HoF which negated… pretty much all of that. I can totally be down with “good old fashioned mutual hatred thaws into caring which grows into love” but once we start hearing shit like “‘Sometimes, you’d be sleeping beside me at Mistward, and it’d take all my concentration not to lean over and bite them. Bite you all over’” and “‘That was the first time I really lost control around you, you know. I wanted to chuck you off a cliff, yet I bit you before I knew what I was doing. I think my body knew, my magic knew. And you tasted… So good. I hated you for it’”……. hhhhhhhhhhh.

I can’t think of many arguments for this NOT contributing at least a little to the “he’s mean because he loves you (and stick it out because someday he’ll figure it out)” trope. And while it might be a bit different because Aelin was quite mean as well, her behavior was just… meanness. Not some sort of weird outlet for repressed sexual attraction/love. I guess I just get flashbacks of “No sweetie, that boy in your class kicks your desk, pulls your hair, and calls you names because he likes you and doesn’t know how to express it.”

And I think this decision on Sarah’s part to go back and say he was into her all along is 1) a result of the mating bond thing she’s so fond of and 2) kind of a panicked backpedalling to the backlash she might have gotten over Rowan’s behavior in HoF? Which is…. so ironic because she made it SO much worse. In my humble opinion, she should have just doubled down on what she originally wrote as enemies-friends-lovers (and had Rowan bring up his early behavior and apologize in some way), and the problem would have been solved. And while I personally feel that I can recognize this for what it is - a shitty retcon - and enjoy the relationship despite it, I don’t think we should talk over people for whom this is a deal-breaker for the ship.

5. I don’t think about all of this and have the reaction that so many “anti tog” people seem to have of “FUCK Rowan he’s ABUSIVE and PREDATORY and I wish he was DEAD!!!” I think there are things to criticize about his behavior and about the way Sarah decided to spin their relationship, but they have had many great moments, especially in the later books, and I don’t think I or anyone else is “shipping abuse” by enjoying that. All of this is just to emphasize how, in OP’s very succinct words, “your inalienable right to enjoy two characters’ dynamic does not outweigh the right to criticise it.” Because there ARE valid things to criticize, and we as Rowaelin shippers (lol.) need to be careful not to conflate ugly hatred with valid criticism when we speak over it.

And because there IS so much ugly hatred for Aelin and her relationship with Rowan on this website, I completely understand why there’s a kind of knee-jerk reaction of jumping to defense of this ship we love. But that impulse, quite frankly, means nothing to me if defense of Rowaelin includes the erasure of Aelin’s canonical experiences. And maybe this is wacky and controversial, but I’m pretty sure we can express our enjoyment of Rowaelin AND keep Aelin as an individual from being swept under the rug.

6. More than saying any of that what I really really want to do (and have been trying to do in the previous paragraphs, but maybe unsuccessfully) is bring the conversation back to OP’s original point which was not “abuse!” or “not abuse!” but about how the ways in which we discuss “abuse or not abuse” often includes a stomach-turning lack of concern for Aelin and some frustratingly reductive arguments. And somehow I have the sneaking suspicion that Rowaelin shippers are reading this post and missing the point, which that this is happening on BOTH sides of the argument.

Everyone is perfectly entitled to ship Rowaelin and argue their opinion about its merits or lack thereof, but when we cover our ears and say “she was mean too she was mean too she was mean too she was mean too la la la la la la la” that’s completely ignoring the genuine pain that she did experience in HoF and the power imbalance that she was subjected to, no matter whether or not we personally feel that it was sufficiently rectified in later books.

And I see this ALL THE TIME, in both the fandom and “anti-fandom”, and I’m honest to god quite sick of it. I’m sick of the willful ignorance of a teenage girl’s pain in order to further an agenda. Yes, it’s more stomach-turning when the agenda is to prove what an evil bitch she is or whatever, but it’s not excusable if your agenda is to prove Rowaelin is great, either! And I don’t understand why we have to throw all nuance out the window and ignore how Dorian hurt her, ignore how Chaol hurt her, ignore how Rowan hurt her, fucking hell, ignore how SAM hurt her, just so we can make our arguments! Because as much as the antis love to scream about “WHAT MESSAGE IS THIS TERRIBLE SHIP SENDING THE TINY GIRL-CHILDREN WHO READ THE BOOKS???” it’s also like, what kind of message is our ongoing discussion of it sending by sweeping a teenage girl’s experiences under the rug when we argue about her relationships?

And like OP said, what have we even got to show for it? No conclusion has been reached, nothing has been achieved besides valuing a romance (or the hatred of that romance and preference for a different romance) over individual characters, namely an individual character who happens to be a teenage girl that has suffered an ungoldy amount - suffered, sometimes, at the hands of male characters we like.

In conclusion, the mass allergy everyone seems to have to giving a shit about Aelin unless its to further their agenda is sickening. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve had to hear about how poor Manon’s character was “ruined” by Manorian (although not directly by DORIAN, of course, because apparently Saint Haviliard can do no wrong) I’d have enough money to buy a lamborghini and drive it off a cliff like I wish I could every time I hear someone’s terrible hot take about how Aelin is complicit in her own alleged abuse. Yet somehow I’ve never heard anyone complain about the damage done to Aelin’s character by any of the male characters, including Rowan. It’s never “Rowan ruined Aelin’s character!!” it’s “Rowaelin sucks and so does Aelin.” In fact, one of the REASONS Aelin sucks in the first place IS Rowan/Rowaelin! What a great implicit message to send to people reading your “critiques”: if you are annoying and #problematic enough, your suffering will be used against you and you will receive no sympathy for it. Cool!

And for other ships, too: it’s never “Chaol and Dorian, while at points a very good for Aelin, also caused her a lot of pain” it’s either “Chaol was right about Aelin in QoS and both he and Dorian are ruined because of her #chaorian” OR, from the fans, who, again, are not off the hook, “Chaol and Dorian and Aelin are BFFs forever #originaltrio.” And as a teenage girl myself, who loves and identifies with Aelin, who is more invested in her story than anyone else’s… I’m just tired. And more than a little appalled. And I wish we could do better.

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simkjrs · 7 years

Text

chapter 6 asks that are people in distress about shinsou

SPOILERS FOR THE FIC, so it’s all under the readmore

** before i start, i just want to say, the sheer number of people who have guessed that it’s himiko impersonating shinsou is frankly alarming and equally hilarious. thanks yall

Anonymous said: OH MY GOD SHINSOU MY SON, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM??? HE DOESNT DESERVE THIS????? (for real, tho, that chapter was?? So good??? I'm so happy to have read this)

you’re absolutely right he doesn’t deserve this and im doing it to him anyways, which objectively proves that as an author i am not and never have been trustworthy. im sorry if i ever tricked you into thinking otherwise. im crying as well

Anonymous said: holy crap that chapter. where do i even start. i knew the kidnapping was coming up but that scene still managed to punch me in the gut. shinsou doesn't deserve this he just wanted to be a hero you guys. also the scene where izuku brought mitoki flowers was really great and i'm so happy that conversation happened. and the paintball fight? best thing i've ever laid my eyes upon. sorry this wasn't very coherent, i'm gonna go fling myself into the sun. thank you for this amazing chapter.

thank YOU for the feedback, i’m really glad you enjoyed the mitoki conversation & the paintball fight because those two scenes were the ones i was most nervous about. as for shinsou, you are very right. he doesn’t deserve this and im sorry

Anonymous said: WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! that was so intense!!!!!!!!!!!! that chapter was amazing you lied sorry ://// (izuku has a crush on shinsou and i couldnt be happier. sweethearts, the both of them.) SO MUCH HAPPENED AT ONCE IM FU KCIFNSICIAJX!!!! WHAT HAPPENED WITH SHINSOU??? MY BOY WHO THREATENED HIM. WHO HURT HIM??!?!?!!?!??!!??!?! i got so emotional all throughout this chapter i almost cried like 26 times that was wild af!!! NOW HOW DO I RECOVER FROM THIS!!!! (im so worried about shinsou. about everyone.)

hfjldksf thanks!! glad you enjoyed it!! im sorry for making you emotional. its the unintended side effects of tryin to convey izuku’s state of mind

i know this won’t ease your suffering much but for a while i intended for chapter 7 to be from shinsou’s point of view, and it was quite literally just titled “what happened to shinsou.” this may still happen. im not sure yet. stay tuned next for,

Anonymous said: *twitch twitch twitchy twich* omg suddenly i understand those comments from your betas. like. i'm legit speechless???? why. why would you do this, you evil writer from awesome land. like i just. im in like. the all caps state of shock. that FREAKING LAST LINE AKDJKLADSLKAJDSKLJLKJ. like. *squeezes air* i dont even know where to begin???? I MEAN CLEARLY I STARTED AT THE END BUT LIKE. so much. to talk about. like. the smile bits of gaming and cats and pics then THAT KAST KUUSJDFHSKJDHFSKJDHSJDF

i bait in readers with cute fun shenanigans and then i go in for the kill

(thank you for writing in, i’m glad you enjoyed the chapter <3 )

Anonymous said: no, but like, ur saying that chapter 6 is the worst one YET (which is a HORRIBLE LIE. this chapter was great. even if it let us all devastated afterwards. but whats a good fanfiction if it doesnt affect the reader tho heh(and your certainly is a great fanfiction. one of the greatest)) is it because of the giant clusterfuck that 7 and/or 8 is gonna be? (kamino ward, all might reveal, kidnappings+ SHINSOU) im legit worried haha ( btw "(accidental) dad might: Stealth Style" is my favorite tag now)

i cultivate my tags with pride. im glad you enjoyed that one in particular :3c and also... thank you... i was super insecure abt ch6 so it’s really nice hearing ppl liked it! i really appreciate it <3

the next chapter(s?) are going to be a clusterfuck so you are probably wise to be legit worried. preemptive apologies. i don’t know why im doing this and im sorry also

Anonymous said: I don't actually believe that Shinsou did it, naturally. Maybe the villains pin the blame on him cause it's easier to do it to someone that everyone is already wary about? I honestly have no idea, you're too unpredictable with some of these things

u have a good nose anon... but also when have i EVER been unpredictable about anything. my taste and storytelling is incredibly predictable in that it is always The Worst and Incredibly Self Indulgent. all you have to do to pick out the path im taking is think “what path allows simk to pander to their own interests the most?” and thats the path i’ll take. this is exactly what is happening with the entirety of this fic and especially with this next arc

Anonymous said: is shinsou being blackmailed?? controlled by someone else?? someone stole his face?? was he used as a hostage bc he interacted with class I-A more? or is someone threatening izuku again or.. ahhh idk what it is but I really feel he is not a traitor so: my current theories about shinsou. am I close??

yes to all of the above

Anonymous said: Pretty sure you didn't get many theories yet cause we are still in shock. Send help pls. (Loved the chapter btw that chapter was legit a roller-coaster of feels.)

theres no help to be found. i did this irrevocably and now theres nothing we can do about it

(thank you! i’m really glad to hear that, and hope that you have recovered from your shock :p )

Anonymous said: thoughts on shinsou's reasons: bakugou is a abusive shit who is undeserving of being a hero and made him lose all faith in heroes, blackmail, threats, brainwashing, some other type of convincing, he has been the traitor the whole time and you just want to kill us with angst, the LoV is threatening deku and if he doesn't help them they kill him, rage against society has reached its peak (same tho), or he wants to get back at bakugou, or the Cat Cafe is being threatened. please stop killing me.

this is a really impressive laundry list of unconventional reasons for shinsou to join the villain alliance. i love it. i too would become a villain in order to save my favorite cat cafe and spite a person i don’t like

@armcontrolnerve said: it was himiko in the study with the candlestick

d...does this make shinsou the murder victim

Anonymous said: I JUST READ THE NEW CHAPTER AND JUST WANTED TO DROP BY AND SAY YOU'VE UTTERLY WRECKED ME. I have tears in my eyes, I am currently flailing about like a fish while my brain goes into overdrive trying to dodge the reality of that ending. Shinsou was helping Izuku not two scenes ago, he was probably kidnapped and forced to do it against his will via torture or something. I refuse to believe that Shinsou is a villain and you cannot tell me oTHERWISE

good instincts. hold onto that feeling

Anonymous said: My guess: shinsou was kidnapped by Villain Alliance. Himiko Toga is using her quirk to impersonate him. But...why

bad pr image for yuuei

Anonymous said: all im thinking is that girl with the quirk that lets her shapeshift into people if she gets their blood and im just. oh no. shinsou. how could u do this to the poor sweet gay boy. meet me in the pit for a fight, and also a round of compliments for ur fucking writing skills. u made me cry. i love this fic so much but unfortunately i still have to challenge u to a duel, for the sake of these poor children, and their mental health,,, (ps i love ur writing and ur fantastic!! byeee)

if you kill me youll never get these children back alive

(thank u though... this made me laugh. rest assured that i will promptly apply all my writing skills to elucidating the mystery of what happened to shinsou)

Anonymous said: Shinsou probably got his quirk stolen by Sensei or someone is impersonating him I guess. Or his classmates are jerks and framing him or something. Smh

his classmates threw him under the bus

@sunslammerdown said: hi i am a person who reads your very extremely good fanfiction... thanks very much and also Wow Rude How Dare You. you said you were surprised at not getting more shinsou theories so heres my two: 1) It Was Toga, shinsou is kidnapped its not good 2) It Was All For One who can take quirks and use them on people and shinsou has a mind control quirk, its very not good still

what if its... 3) both, for maximum suffering, and the ultimate very not good happenstance

@viperofsand said: I am sure I had something in mind when giving my review while I was reading chap 6, but after the final part my mind was all 'WHAT THE HELLLLLL', so, there is that. Also, I am inaugurating #ShinsouIsNotAVillain2017 for this fic starting now.

this is a good hashtag. i’m behind it. i have no right to be but i am

Anonymous said: ok i'm trying not to panic bc of the cliffhanger but just tell me, will we know /why/ shinso is doing what he's doing ?? i'm trying not to spoil for ppl

no worries! we will find out exactly what happened to shinsou...

@auspiciouswhiskers said: How much do I have to pay for a Shinsou redemption and/or Shindeku endgame because pleeease you have responsibilities

you don’t even have to ask. its already under way...

(more specifically: you just don’t even need to ask. there just isnt a need. hold that thought for a shindeku endgame though bc who KNOWS where im headed with that)

Anonymous said: Izuku's gonna lure Shinsou with cats and everything will be just fine. Izuku holding up fuku, taka and isao: you know u can't harm them Shinsou: defeated

this is the ultimate villain shinsou ask. nothing is ever going to top this. you dont even need to fight shinsou you just have to appeal to him with cats and he’ll crumble instantly

Anonymous said: Eh, I don't know if I'm angry, but I am a tad disappointed if it actually is "what it looks like" with Shinsou. I mean his whole deal is that while his power seems like one that a villain would have, he doesn't actually want to use it that way. If he really is a villain in your story, that sorta defeats the purpose of his character, you know? But I guess I'll just wait and see what you plan to do with it.

that aspect of his character is probably what makes what im doing 100% more awful so i guess what im trying to say is: don’t worry it’s not what it seems, but also, i should not be allowed to touch a computer

Anonymous said: ok ok i have an idea about why shinsou provided inside help(i hope im at least a little right or im going to cry): he was threatened by the league? they saw him hanging out with deku and probably knew that he didnt know he was Hella Strong or smth and were like "look, if u dont want ur friend to die ur gonna have to Cooperate" and shinsou being an amazing friend was like "U LEAVE HIM ALONE U COCKROACH" and he did That. it probably happened in That One Stupid Horrible Month (please. PLEASE)

shinsou became a villain for deku confirmed. be gay, turn to the dark side

Anonymous said: honestly while i'm still Actually Dead over the latest chapter Izuku having his Gay Awakening over someone who stabs him in the back is Relatable lol

h...hold that thought...

also. i’m really sorry to hear that, and i hope you’re in a better place now. may your future gay relationships be blessed

Anonymous said: It's Mamoru. The ending to your new chapter is definitely a twist that I didn't expect at all. But oddly I'm not angry. Is Shinsou really going to be a villain? Because it kinda goes against he is fighting for. Or is he threatened?

spoiler alert...

@chocowl said: holy fuck simk

A theory: was Shinsou kidnapped by the VA and Himiko used her Quirk to look like him? That would explain the silence towards Izuku and would heal our tormented souls Q-Q

the truth is, the entire villain alliance is conspiring to fuck over shinsou, specifically

#chapter 6 #ask #ask compilation #anonymous #chocowl #auspiciouswhiskers #viperofsand #sunslammerdown #armcontrolnerve #the number of asks is...so much #spoilers for the fic ///

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tayegi · 7 years

Note

Hey lu! I just read equilibrium's new update and its so good! I have been waiting to see the drama unfold once OC realises that Jungkook likes her. This has got to be one of my favourite writings from you! The storyline is so fucked up and sad yet i could totally see this happening in real life. Take your time to write the next part and i'll like you to know that you have found yourself a loyal fan here! Have a great day!

Ah im glad that you liked the update! And as strange as it is, theres a bit of realism, huh? bc real life relationships are never perfect. and this is such a level of fucked up that it could srsly happen in our fucked up world haha. Thank you so much and i hope you have a great day as well!

Anonymous said:If I were OC in equilibrium I definitely wouldn't have continued or even gotten into the relationship to begin with. Idk maybe I'm too prideful but if anything I would be MORE upset over being in love with someone who obviously cares more about someone else WHILE in a relationship with both. Like I'd have to witness the extent to which the person I love values someone else more than me, be constantly reminded that even if I'm with him and he cares about me to a degree, I will always be 2nd best.

wait really? This is so interesting to hear! I mean, i completely understand your perspective, but i feel like it would be hard for me to resist... Like imagine if it was IRL Jimin and he wanted to share you with an outside party. Could you really resist that? I am an weak bitch and id prob crumble in seconds D:

Anonymous said:I really don't understand why all of these anons are so upset with the Mc and not the boys as well? The three of them are clearly using each other, it's not just her using Jk. Anyways, I love your stories and this one is fabulous as well, and those stupid anons need to chill out. You're fantastic and have every right to put them in their place! I look forward to the next chapter!

exactly! The internalized misogyny on this site is fucking ridiculous. But all of your kind comments make me realize that these idiots are the minority so im super grateful

Anonymous said:Equilibrium is so compelling. It's essentially a story like a chair with three legs- if one breaks, the whole structures collapses. Each person is only willing on keeping eachother around for their own gain. If anyone should be blamed for this, it should be Jungkook for simply suggesting the polygamous relationship knowing full well what it could mean for him specifically. Even more so, he's the only person "playing the field" taking advantage of Jimin's affection and OC's desperation - C Anon

Anonymous said:Continuing on my last ask. I also can't help but to notice that both Jimin or OC are particularly biased. They probably didn't intend to act that way but they do. But they also respect the "third wheel" of their ideal relationship respectively. Jungkook didn't do that. He intentionally tends to Jimin's needs knowing that's what he wants for no other reason than to keep OC away from Jimin. Cunning John Junglecock... someone is going to get hurt with this relationship built on lies - C Anon

Yes exactly! Theyre all pretty messed up, but Jungkook seems to be the most conniving of them all. I love the way you’ve thought this through and your interpretation is so spot on! Thanks so much for reading so carefully ^^

Anonymous said:Now that ive read chapter 10....how the FUCK are ppl mad at oc for this mess? Oc is dense for not picking up on jimin being willing to sell her for a corn chip in comparison to kookie, but the boys are by far the worst. They should've broken up after a week, with everything as toxic is it is. Both have ulterior motives when they say yes to the relationship. Everybody is in competition. And there is like, ZERO communication between them until kookie confessed in this chapter. It's a hot mess.

i know right??? seriously asdfjlksdfjk. tho i wouldnt go as far as saying that jimin is worse than the OC. theyre pretty damn equivalent. But no one’s innocent here haha. It’s just a truly screwed up situation D:

Anonymous said:You are queen and I love you. I literally don't give a flying fuck what anyone else says about OC being a 'whatever-the-fuck-they-said' cause mygOD ARE YOU A FABULOUS WRITER. Fuck me Equilibrium is amazing. I'm slightly tipsy rn, but I know good literature when I read it, and I am leaving it open to reread it tomorrow when I am sober, but even I can see that the characters are all equally using each other, and each of them are to blame for this shit-storm of a relationship. Perhaps JK even more?

ahahahaha this is amazing! I’m so glad that you are tipsy! TAKE AN EXTRA SHOT FOR ME!

and i know right? I feel like Jimin and the OC have been played. Theyre innocent idiots. But then again, it’s not like they were forced into doing anything. it was their own free will :/

Anonymous said:Gahh ch10 was so intense! I agree with others that all three are wrong to manipulate each other but idk i found myself feeling kinda sorry for Jimin by the end of 10? The way I've interpreted it so far is that he probably felt the most inclined to just go with it and agree to the poly relationship, or at least that's how I read it, and yeah fine maybe he hasn't treated yn quite as 'nicely' but like he hasn't condemned her for also being affiliated with jungkook, but then again he's using this(1)

Anonymous said:(2) relationship to be with jungkook but yeah sorry I'm repeating myself but I really get the sense that he's just been kinda going along with it rather than outright manipulating them both, and yeah his resolve has been kinda breaking over the last few chapters but the flashbacks suggest that Jimin is at heart caring and just lovesick with jungkook whereas the oc and jungkook seem to have an unhealthy obsession w jimin and y/n respectively. Sorry I'm rambling but yeah thx for the amazing fic!

yeah i can see it that way! I feel like jimin has a better sense of morality and guilt than the other two. They are unhealthily obsessed, but jimin genuinely cares about them both, so it’s a bit sad. :/ But you can also see it from another dimension-- Jimin knew the OC liked him, Jungkook knew Jimin liked him and they both are playing their respective parties to get to what they want. However, the OC did not know that Jungkook liked him until the latest chapter, so she was pretty much innocent until now. so yeah. it’s debatable who’s the most innocent, but it sure as hell isnt jjk lol

Anonymous said:Equilibrium is amazing for me because the longer you think about it the worse the characters get likeJimin at first seems like the purest one but then you realize he knew the OC was always being bullied and used and she depended on him because he was her first friend and he still made the decision to use her once again.Also I feel like part of her feelings for him have something to do with her feelings she came from an environment where she was never treated well and then suddenly here he was.

YES EXACTLY! It’s so hard to tell. bc jimin does genuinely care about the OC, but at the same time, the OC wasn’t manipulating anyone or stringing along anymore until the latest chapter where she finally broke and turned into one of them. So yeah... it’s the lucifer effect, man. The situation will change you

#equilibrium #ofsunshine-andrain #lu answers

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theepicnarcoleptic · 7 years

Text

I haven’t written in a while, and I think it’s important that I do.

I’m feeling smothered

dating you is triggering.

Despite what you say, it seems like you’re looking for something to hold on to.

You still have photos of you, and your ‘ex’ on FB.

Which I read as two things: You want the world to know that you’re okay. That she and the relationship were a meaningful part of your life, you’re afraid that deleting them would be like pretending it never happened. (And it’s not like it was all bad, I’m sure.) But you’d feel guilty, and as if you were admitting to the world that it failed, or that you were hurt. Or that you hurt someone else.

And that you haven’t worked through it, or your not over her.

Or that you’re tryna convey that you jus dun give a fuc

Even if it had been you who had done the breaking up, (or whatever.)

You said to me “I was the bad guy in the relationship.”

And someone once told me that when someone tells you something about them self, something deep, something warning, you should listen to them.

I’m not sure I want to know what that means, but I’ll listen to it.

I’m a big girl. And granted, I can be left to my own devices. I can be alone and even prefer for it to be that way, but, I don’t know...

I wish you hadn’t offered for me meet your family. I know you intended on being polite, but after 3 dates, that’s too soon for me. And it was triggering...

But cumulatively, you left me alone for an hour, waiting for our date, (I don’t know if that was a date,) to begin. I know you didn’t realize that I was even there yet, and you expressed not wanting to leave me by myself for too long, but you did. Ten minutes turned into a half an hour.

(And if that had happened to one of my friends, I would’ve just told them to leave.)

Earlier today, when we facetimed, you said something to the effect of, ‘In the passed 3 weeks I’ve facetimed with you more than I’ve ever facetimed with anyone in my whole life.’ And it made me uncomfortable. (maybe you’re saying that you like me, and that’s why you’re facetiming with me, or maybe you’re half joking, and are annoyed...?)

I don’t really know. But I was trying to get in contact with you, so I could make space, and time in my life, (while making space and time in my life) to spend time with you, and for us to get to know each other better.

Maybe it’s cause you’d been drinking, which is also a red flag, (when it’s a couple days in a row, and you’ve lost track of time//can’t remember when you last saw me.) --But when I was talking to you, and asked you what you thought, about my inviting you to an event... asking you if you’d like for me to get you a ticket, and then you straight up ignored me, it was pretty rude.

I mean you did say, that you had thought that I was just talking to myself. But you didn’t ask about, or confirm, if you had heard anything that I had said, when I asked you.

Earlier, when I asked if you had a minute to work things out, schedule and calendar-wise, you said ‘yes’.

But you could’ve said no.

So why did you say yes?

If you didn’t have the time, and had to go out of your way//remove yourself from whatever it was that you were doing... with you’re friends at a bar, why didn’t you just say, ‘sorry, I’m a bit busy at the moment, but lets talk about this when I get home, or have the time.’

You sketch, boi. You sketch.

And I can’t tell if you’re looking to me for something to hold onto, or for someone to hold on to you.

--Or if you genuinely like me, and//or I’m just ‘fucked up’, (for a lack of eloquence.)

And so, this is triggering.

I mean I don’t truly think I’m fucked up, or ‘unworthy of love’ as I have explicitly been told all my life, and made to feel,

but I do want to date, and to have meaningful, and intimate relationships with people.

And sometimes I want to feel supported, and to trust people, or to not feel alone.

But, by myself,

I can be happy. It’s what I know, and it’s easier.

I don’t need another person.

But sometimes when I would like to be with another person, I push them away. And I often don’t even know it, but at the same time, I do make an effort, (when it’s within reason, and my comfort level) to not do so. I’m trying.

And I can’t tell what it is that you want from me, and I know that not trusting ppl is a byproduct of my experiences, but you’re treating me in ways that few have. And I don’t know what I’m doing, and I don’t like feeling like that, or feeling the pressure to not do things wrong, or to do them correctly. Nor do I enjoy being confronted with the past so frequently and unexpectedly. It’s traumatic for me. Most of what I know about you, feels like the antithesis of my experiences. I can imagine what it’s like, and I relate to some things more than others, but. It’s hard.

I mean why are you offering to take me places where a cocktail is $30 dollars?? Or a lobsta’s a hundred and fifty? I mean, I neva even ate a lobsta before. It’s nice to not worry about money, and to feel like you can do anything with somebody. But, you need to stop.

I need you to stop it.

I guess, I’m flattered and it’s a nice thought but. Like I said, I get a panic attack just sittin’ in a hot tub.

People have made me feel bad for being poor, and I know that I shouldn’t, but sometimes, I still do, and it can be embarrassing, bc I’ve been poor my whole life, and I’m sometimes worried that I’ll be poor for the rest of my life. And that shit’s not fun.

And despite you’re honesty, regarding your emo-well being spent, I’m getting mixed messages here. It seem’s like you don’t really know what you want.

--You’re either trying to impress me... Or money’s no object...

but like,

whatchu tryna do wit that??

--You’ve felt the need to tell me that you’ve only been in long term relationships, and that you’re exploring ‘X, Y, & Z’ right now, yet you hadn’t asked me about my own experiences, (which is probably best, cause, my divulging that kind of information can take time...)

--And I appreciate you confiding in me and giving me the opportunity to make an informed decision as for how to proceed...

But you also mentioned that as far as time, and cultivating some sort of relationship whatever it may be:

you ‘don’t even know who you’re spending Christmas with this year.’

And... I’m...

not sure what that means,

Or why you’re saying it to me.

I guess, it’s nice that you have options...

Last Christmas, I think I went to go see Star Wars, and ate movie theater nachos for dinner, or maybe, I went to work, cause I didn’t want to face the reality, that my family’s not really my family, (at least when their family’s around.) Or the fact that I’ll never feel what it’s like to be in that kind of a position, or to have that kind of a relationship with my own parents.

But, yeah... like, why are you telling me this? Is there some sort of hypothetical Christmas situation where you think that you might feel obligated to spend time with me? Or like you might want to spend time with me? Or do you think that I might want to spend time with you? (like, for Christmas?)

I don’t really get it...?

I barely know you.

I mean, I have a general idea of who you are. But I don’t really know you.

Writing this has helped for me to get some perspective. I’m still un-packaging my thoughts. I definitely need some time-space by myself right now. But I’m feeling a bit better.

A little less uncomfortable with the fact that you’re following me on instagram...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wish I could say:

‘Do you think we could just email instead?’

I like you but, I don’t like texting with you.

Even on the computer. Unless, it’s really necessary.

Sometimes after we talk, it feels like I got hit by a bus.

It’s too easy for my mouth to run away from me. And when I text, and you don’t respond for a while, it’s not pleasant either. And it confuses me. I know that you have a life. As do I. And I know that there are a multitude of things going on in your world rn... But getting to know you in this way, or letting you get to know me like this, just doesn’t feel good, or right. And I need to take a step back from it.

I appreciate your taking the time to ‘hang out’ with me via text, and it’s nice that you listen. And I enjoy seeing your cute face, but, let’s make our time spent together, time in Real Life.

Sure, we may think of each other from time to time, and want to get in contact because we may be in each others thoughts, or horny, or something.

But. I’d prefer to email/video chat.

I hope you’re okay with that, (bc I like getting to know you,) but please take some time to think about it. And you don’t have to respond, or have to talk to me about it, unless you want to.

--because, for me, you’re inaction, or the action of making plans would suffice. (That’s all I'd really like anyway, is to spend time with you, and get to know you.) And I understand that you don’t really know how things’ll work out, day to day... But, it’s just, a lot, y’know?

It’s like we’re on two different planes of reality.

Or, like, ones, actual, and ones virtual.

Or like, maybe, it’s just me who’s in two different places... --sometimes it feels like they start to merge, and others, it feels like I exist in respective bubbles.

I’m sure that the things of which I say and do, are all aspects of me, but I don’t feel in control. And I feel vulnerable when I don’t want to be. And for me, it is very uncomfortable. In time that might change, (sometimes, I wish it would,) but... I’m not there yet.

Also, it might be of note that for the passed 7 years, my relationships have been mostly sexual in nature. Each was intimate and unique, but they were very different from whatever it is that’s going on here.

And I'm not trying to gas your head up, nor do I intend to leave you with nothing left to do, but walk on eggshells. But, you mentioned that you’ve recently been in some long term monogamous relationships. And maybe there’s some vestiges of that. Or maybe you just do and say certain things that I haven’t done, said, heard, or observed for a while, and so they come off as really alien, and intense for me, as well as, intimidating.

Or maybe you’re just nice, (and I’m not used to it.)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I wish I had an answer, so I could just stop being like this.

So getting to know you could feel more natural. And nice and fun.

But I just get really overwhelmed, quite easily. And then sometime it starts to make me mad. And then, I don’t know what to do with that, and in turn, it can effect my physical health. I have to be very careful. Because even nice//happy and pleasant experiences, emotions in general can cause me to become sick. (go into paralysis, fall asleep suddenly, I basically just lose control over my body, and it’s really embarrassing. It makes me feel weak and even worthless. And I guess I’m also scared of that.

So in addition to whatever I've explicitly told you about my life, and to whatever you may have gleamed from it... (I may, or may not have neglected to tell you... but you may have noticed that,) when I feel feelings, it feels like I am going to die...

It used to be that whenever I expressed a feeling, or if my feelings were visible to other people, it would feel like I was just going to die. But at some point it changed. And now, it's as if, I broke the seal and they just come pouring out. Or they sit inside of me and marinate, while I am conscious of them. Or I subconsciously, swallow them. And I keep swallowing them until they're 'gone' and there's nothing's left.

And occasionally my feelings resurface and manifest in a way that is hurtful to others, or hurtful to myself.

And this is the result of a number of things:

1 familial repression

2 institutions, systems. (Being institutionalized at a really young age and being punished for expressing myself in any way.)

3 physical abuse and neglect

4 weaponized guilt

5 internalized guilt

6 being on meds while my brain was developing//during a time when kids learn how to express their feelings//Never having an example for how to do that appropriately//being too doped up to even have feelings in the first place.

7 panic disorder//trauma

8 narcolepsy

9 conflict in feelings//needing time to work them out and to recognize, reflect and articulate them.

10 alienation, weakness, reinforced notions and the like.

_______________________________________________________________________

I felt embarrassed for telling you this, and especially in such a dorky way.

“1...”

“2...”

“3...”

Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to copy and paste.

But I’m glad I did it.

I’m gonna make as many mistakes as possible. I’m going for the gold.

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On our first date, you touched me.

By the end of the night you called me ‘baby’.

You wanted me to meet your family by the third time we had hung out.

And you wanted me to meet you friends...

And you were happy to meet mine.

Yet we never even had sex.

Every time you sang, it felt like you were singing for me... or maybe to me... or because of me. Well probably, it was more so, if anything, because of the moment. Because we we’re having a nice time. I thought we were having a nice time.

I mean, I’m sure that you also just like to sing.

But none of it was clear...

to either of us :(

You’re skin against my skin, I liked it.

I know I had a funny way of showing it though,

(my interest in you.)

“I honestly couldn’t even tell if you liked me”, he said.

But I still couldn’t even dignify that with a “Yes. I like you.”, because, ha-ha,

I didn’t even realize that I liked you until I was already pushing you away.

Dude, I really gotta get better at this.

...you invited me to the Hamptons.

It was last minute, though :/

We met whenever you were in the neighborhood, and it was convenient for you.

I’m happy that you were thinking of me.

But you often invited me to do things with your friends. And it seemed like you didn’t really want to spend time together, alone.

Yet, you were able, and interested enough, to make the time to see, and attend everything else on your social calendar.

But you couldn’t make plans with me.

Maybe that was your way of not letting me in.

It’s a bummer, it didn’t work out.

It was only a few dates, though.

**weakly smiles**

It’s not like, we were created with 4 arms, 4 legs, 2 heads, and 2 faces, only to be cut in half, and left wandering the earth, aching to become whole again.

But I would’ve at least liked to have given it a real shot. Even something fucking casual, a synthesis of our expectations. To feel something comfortable, and uncomfortable at the same time, I would’ve liked.

It just took me a while to accept that I really liked you. And to figure out, why I wanted to spend time with you, and what that really meant.

Like I said. It’s complicated.

But, like, yo. When is it an appropriate time to be like, “lol, my step-dad used to water board me.” Or “my foster uncle used to touch me. Or I was raped by a girl, who I thought was my friend. Or how about that time my mom “accidentally” kicked me off my bed, and never took me to the doctor, even though I was vomiting, and bleeding because I probably had a concussion... the first, second, and third time, she did it.

Like when is any of that okay to tell someone ever?

Like,

anyone, I’ve ever confided in about anything remotely relevant, --acts like I’m a fucking weirdo, and becomes speechless, or disgusted...

And then when I go into detail, because that’s the only way that I know how to talk about these things, they start to wince, as if they’re in pain, and they tell me to stop. And then it just gets awkward. (Unless, they’ve had something similar happen to them. But that usually just pans out into an oppression olympics. And tbh, that shit ain’t cool either.

Sometimes I wish the things that happened to me, never happened to me. And sometimes, I don’t.

I guess all of this is why it’s such a bummer. Because I don’t really know what I did wrong, and why we weren’t “clicking”. I suspect it’s because, y’know. I made you feel unwanted. And because you’re not ready to be w sumptin’ so “heavy”. Or maybe you just weren’t feelin’ it.

But, I opened up to you, too much, too late, at the wrong time, and in the wrong place. Because I felt like it might be okay if I did. And because I wanted it to be okay.

But it wasn’t, and yeah,

that’s pretty much it.

#vents

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