#taylor and joe fanfiction
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Hey everyone! I have come to terms with what I want to do with this account now that everything that has happened has simmered for a while. My tl is just not what it used to be (obviously), and has gone in a direction of things I personally just don’t want to think about anymore. I’m tired of reading conspiracies about the relationship and/or Taylor and Joes ways of dealing with the end. I don’t think it’s our place to speculate/demean anything they’re going through and I just personally don’t want to see it anymore.
With that said, this account will remain as is. I will be on it for a couple more hours to try leave it in the best shape but then after that I will log out forever. I have another blog that I assume most of you know about and I will see you on there! I really loved running this blog and had so much fun over these last few years making friends with you all! Your support from day one has always made me so happy and I cannot thank you enough! I’m sending each of you a hug and hope I’ll see you on other blogs again!
Love from, Kennedy 🥹🫶
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Oh, My, Love Is A Lie
pairings: Taylor Swift x gn!reader / Taylor Swift x Joe Alwyn
summary: The one where Taylor falls out of love with you and in love with her PR boyfriend.
warnings: PR relationships, lmk what else. Is it weird that it’s Joe? idk. No way in hell am I writing about yk who though
word count: 0.9k
You were at home again.
At home alone whilst Taylor was off gallivanting with Joe. It wasn’t that you didn’t like Joe, he was nice and shared a few qualities of your own, it was that he was going on dates with your girlfriend. The part that probably pissed you off the most was the fact that when Taylor’s team had suggested a fake boyfriend to divert everyone’s attention from the two of you she agreed instantaneously.
You knew she wasn’t embarrassed by you per se, but the fact that she had already made up her mind on the matter before she spoke to you about it hurt.
Four years together were ruined by a photo of a kiss on the cheek that Taylor blamed herself for. She had let her guard down and loved you in public and now you were both paying the price.
The soft hum of the television was the only sound apart from your rapid beating. You stared down at the velvet box in betrayal before opening your phone to the messages from the night before, double-checking the time you had agreed on.
You: Are we still on to celebrate tomorrow?
Taylor: Yes, of course!! 10 pm, right?
You: Yep. See you then, I love you!
Taylor: Love you
You looked at the clock on your phone and sniffled, 00:13. It wasn’t even your anniversary anymore. A sigh sounded and you stood to go to the dining room. The dinner you had made Taylor was still on the table so you moved it to the oven just in case she got home and was hungry.
Next, you made haste with removing the wax that had melted onto the table. They Taylor’s favourite scent and you sniffled in remembrance before tossing them into the bin.
The television was still on as you found the bedroom. Plastic rose petals littered the floor in a way that looked random, but was anything else. You wondered if she’d even notice if you left before she got back. Probably not. You put the petals back into the bag that they came in and chucked them on the bed before walking over to the wardrobe.
You didn’t blame Taylor. You were nobody and Joe was somebody. Okay, maybe you did blame her a little bit. But she had fallen in love with someone who didn’t even love her back whilst the person that did love her watched from their home.
Four years gone. And for what? She let her insecurities get the better and now you were insecure. Constantly blaming yourself for being the reason she latched onto Joe. Had you seen the cameras sooner, she wouldn’t have kissed your cheek and she wouldn’t have needed the PR relationship in the first place.
Your thoughts were interrupted by the door creaking open and a small curse followed by skin slapping against the floor, “y/n, baby, are you awake?” She called out and you walked back into the lounge, frowning when she grinned at the sight of you. Taylor saw your look and pouted, walking over to you, “I’m sorry that I missed our date. I just got a little carried away at the studio.”
“It wasn’t a date,” You said softly, looking up at her, “And I wish that was true, but photos of you and Joe leaving the studio were published hours ago.”
Taylor tried to think of a response before just looking down guiltily. At least she still felt enough for you to feel bad, right?
“It was our anniversary,” You continued, a lump forming in your throat. “And I tricked myself into thinking that you wouldn’t stand me up for Joe on a day as special as this, but I was so wrong.”
“Y/n,” Taylor murmured, “I’m sorry. I lost track of time, but I can make it up to you. I promise, just let me try.”
You let out a shaky breath and looked down at the coffee table. Taylor followed your line of sight and gasped, covering her mouth. Picking it up, you held it out to Taylor, who took it regretfully.
“I love you, Taylor, and I always will, but I can’t be with someone that doesn’t love me back anymore. The way you look at Joe now is the way you used to look at me,” You explained. “And I wondered if you actually got here on time and we celebrated our anniversary would you have said yes?”
The look on her face said all. She knew she was falling out of love with you, too.
“Don’t worry,” You said, knowing that you didn’t want her to feel even worse, “I wouldn’t marry me either.”
“Y/n, that’s not-“ Taylor stammered, “I would- I would marry you. I just… I didn’t mean to.”
Sniffling, you nodded. People don’t control who they fall in love with, unfortunately. If they could, you wouldn’t be blaming yourself. A weak smile graced your lips and you leaned forward to hug the blonde, “I love you, Tay, and I want you to be happy. If that means Joe, then so be it. I’m sure, I’m sure he does love you back. You’re hard not to love.”
“I’m sorry,” Taylor whispered, “I really did love you.”
Can’t you see that your words are hurting me? You wanted to scream at her. She was trying to comfort you and was failing miserably.
#elijah writes#taylor swift x reader#Taylor swift#taylor swift imagine#taylor x reader#taylor x joe#Taylor swift one shot#one shot#fanfiction#taylor swift fanfiction
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could you write reader introducing Steve to Taylor Swift (let's pretends she exists in the 80s) and him loving her and being a huge swiftie
Mine
Pairing: Steve Harrington x FemReader
Warnings: fluff, language, cliches
Summary: Taylor Swift is a big musical artist in the 80s and you’re a huge fan. In the midst of your excitement about her new album you introduce Steve to her and her music. He ends up loving her too. Steve Harrington would for sure be a swiftie boyfriend.
word count: 2,542
Masterlist
It took all week to convince Steve to drive you to the record store. Ever since the mall had burned down the closest music shop was a town over. Forty minutes away to be exact. Sometimes Melvalds would get a few things in so people didn’t have to travel so far but you knew they wouldn’t have Taylor Swifts newest album. It was going to be on shelves this Friday so that meant begging Steve all week to drive you since you didn’t have your own car. He had finally caved, asking off of his shift at Family Video, just so he could drive you to the music store. You always could get him to cave.
“I don’t get what’s the big deal about this chick” Steve muttered, hands gripping the steering wheel, his Foreigner cassette staticky on the radio.
“First of all she’s not a chick, and second of all she’s amazing. How have you not heard any of her songs?” you accused, turning in the passenger seat to face him better. You had been jittery all day about getting the new album, you had saved all your tips from work for months.
“I don’t know Y/N. I don’t really have time for new music” you rolled your eyes, turning back to sit forward in your seat.
“Yeah, I know. that’s why you’re Foreigner cassette skips, because you never take it out” and then you were reaching a long finger to press eject, silencing the album that everyone knew inside and out because Steve always had it on.
“Hey, I like that song” he pouted like a child but you could only laugh, shoving the cassette back in its case that had literally collected dust from how long it had been empty. Once returned safely in the center counsel you were digging through your bag, looking for the correct tape.
“This is the album we’re picking up today” you informed him, slipping the cassette out and shoving it in his stereo.
“You already have it?! Then why the hell am I driving almost an hour away?” he looked at you with wide eyes, annoyance painting his features.
“She released her version of the album, her first six albums she lost ownership of to her shitty record label. Yet she still owns the rights to the songs since she wrote them all herself. She’s reclaiming what’s hers and making it better all while releasing songs she wasn’t able to put in the album the first time around. She’s bad ass” you explained, adjusting the radio before pressing play. “Just listen”
Steve was still shaking his head when the melody of Mine began to play over the radio. At the sounds of Taylor’s voice, you relaxed back in your seat, excited to hear the latest version of this song. A song you had loved since you were a kid and now it got to be Taylor’s again. Once the lyrics started you closed your eyes, singing along with the lyrics that you wished could be true about the guy beside you. Steve had always been in your life, a dormant best friend, just an accessory to the grand life he had lived throughout highschool, and you were desperatley, irrevocable, in love with him. Always had been. Unbeknownst to you Steve could only glance over as you sang to the lyrics, unaware of his stare and admiration because it had always been you. Always been his.
Do you remember, we were sittin' there by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine
"Gosh, you just know she knows what real love feels like. It's like all the feelings I can't describe she has been able to put into words and write a song about it" you spoke, eyes opening to look at Steve and see he was already looking at you. Slowly his head turned back to the road, a soft smile on his face.
"I can agree, she's very clever with her writing. The song is good too" you chuckled lightly, hand falling to squeeze Steve’s that laid leisurely on the center console.
"It's just us, always has been. If you want to enjoy her music I would be happy to help" Steve chuckled but squeezed your hand back, comforted by the thought he would always have you when no one in his life had ever been constant. Slowly the song switched over to Sparks Fly and you had forgotten about your hand in Steve's, a part of you wanting to keep it there forever.
Close enough to touch
Close enough to hope you couldn't see
What I was thinking of
Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk
Take away the pain
'Cause I see sparks fly, whenever you smile
As you listened to the lyrics you suddenly became aware of your hold on him, nerves tingly through your body. You were terrfied he could feel it, the love you had for him, pouring out and covering his skin. He was so warm, perfect, and you'd never risk losing him because of some stupid feelings you had. Your whole life you longed for him while he dated everyone in Hawkins but you. That wouldn’t change now, especially in his car listening to some love sick Taylor Swift song. "This one is better than the last"
"Keep listening" you told him with a grin, slipping your hand out of his own, hopefully not to noticeably. You were afraid with how hot and burning your love for him was you'd sear it on his skin. Steve was always your Steve but he had never really been yours and that would hurt forever. Quickly you distracted yourself with excitement over the next song, turning to Steve.
"This is Back to December, her only apology song ever to her ex boyfriend. She broke his heart and wrote this. They’re really good friends now but it's still so sad to hear the feelings she went through at the time" you informed him, hand reaching to turn it up more. Steve chuckled and turned to you with confused eyes.
"This is public knowledge?" he curiously asked and you nodded feverishly, excitement of finally getting to share these facts with your bestfriend.
"Oh my gosh yes, I've been reading this stuff in magazine itnerviews for years and all of her boyfriends have been out there for the media to see. She also hides hidden clues everywhere for us to figure stuff out. She puts so much into her work, it’s not just songs. Now listen!" you told him, shaking his arm before turning to the road again.
So this is me swallowin' my pride
Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you
Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time
"Woah" Steve uttered, the passion behind the lyrics shocking. Steve's breakup with Nancy was the worst heart break of his life. He had never dared getting close enough to a girl since. He knew they both had faults for their break up but he knew if he heard Nancy singing these words back to him he knew a part of him would be comforted, it would fully heal that wound, and he would be able to move on and grow again.
"Amazing" you hummed back, closing your eyes and getting lost in the music again. You and Steve had listened through the rest of the album quietly, him only reacting to parts of the songs where needed. Dear John had left him in shock which only caused you to giggle and urge him to keep listening. Just before you had pulled into your destination, Better Than Revenge came on which had been Steve's favorite. He practically gasped when he heard the lyrics 'She's an actress, she's better known for the things that she does on the mattress, whoa'. You laughed at his reaction, heart warming over the fact he was starting to like Taylor Swift and understanding why you loved her music so much. For the first time the entire trip he seemed happy to have come all this way for a music store.
Steve admired the way your hair swept over your shoulders in excitmenet as you turned your head, searching the building for the latest album. His heart stuttered the minute your eyes widened, them sparkling as you spotted a designated table for the new album. You wasted no time scooping up both the casette and record, clearly needing both, and not feeling guilty at all about spending your tip money on it. Who needed a car, right? Steve realized right then and there that even if Taylor Swift was a shit singer he would’ve loved her for you, because you made everything better, including him. God he loved you and he wished he could tell you, but losing you wasn't an otpion. If things got weird he would never ever forgive himself.
"Should I get a new Foreigner tape while I'm here?" he teased and you rolled your eyes, gripping his arm as you moved to the counter to pay. Steve loved how kind you were to the cashier who clearly was very uninterested in his job. For a moment Steve wondered if this is what he looked like at Family Video.
"Please save me from you ruining Foreigner forever because you overplay them. I still like their music so we need to find you something new" You told him as you gave a soft pat to his chest to which he just shook his head and you grabbed your bag from the cashier. Both of you started to the the car and you were barely sitting before you were ripping the plastic off the casette. Steve watched as you carefully removed your tape before putting in the new one, placing it securely in the case, clearly taking care of your things because you appreciated them.
"I'm on the edge of my seat here" Steve teased and you lightly punched his arm, adjusting your postion in your seat.
"Silence Steve, the whole ride home" you told him with a poitned finger and he held his hands up in surrender as he pushed the car into drive and took back off in the direction of home. You pressed play and Mine filled the speakers again but this time you sat quietly, not singing along, because you wanted to hear it all. Steve wished he could kiss you for that.
Steve had kept his world, stayed silent the entirety of the ride so you could appreciate your new album which he had actually been enjoying too. Taylor Swift was growing on him, a lot. He had found himself accidentally humming along which you had noticed and it instantly made butterflies erupt in your stomach. Who would have thought loving Taylor Swift would look so good on a man? By the time Better Than Revenge came on, the familiar 'Now go stand in the corner and think about what you did' buzzing through the speakers, Steve was trying to sing along, messing up the words here and there.
She's an actress, woah
He was a moth to the flame
She was holding the matches, woah
Your eyes sprung open, looking to Steve with a shocked face as you both began to yell. In disbelief she had changed the lyrics, the most bad ass line of the song, and she had changed it to something so simple. Your hands frantically reached out to pause the tape before turning and looking at Steve with shock. "She did not?"
"She did!" you exclaimed, unsure of what to think about the lyric change. In a sense the original line had been mean but that was what made it so good. You guess Taylor was just growing up, her feelings about an album she made more than ten years ago obviously couldn't still be the same.
"Can I come over and listen to the rest of the album with you?" Steve found himself asking and you blushed profusely before nodding, excited to have someone to share this with finally.
That was how you and Steve found yourselves laying on your bed, listening to the record spin in your room, absorbing each song, and discussing your thoughts after each side of the record was finished. Some songs had brought you to your feet to dance, singing into fake microphones with each other, Steve spinning you so closely to his body you felt like you were on fire. Finally you had reached the tape with the vault tracks which you explained in grave detail to Steve so he could comprehend these were never before heard songs until now. Placing the arm on the record you rushed to the bed, hopping beside Steve as the music began to play, squeezing his hand in excitement.
All I know is this could either break my heart or bring it back to life
Got a feelin' your electric touch could fill this ghost town up with life
And I want you now, wanna need you forever
In the heat of your electric touch, mmm
You sucked in a sharp breath at the words, hand still in Steve’s hold. This time you didn’t feel like pulling away. You wanted him to feel it, the electric, the invisible string tying you to him. You kept your hand there the whole song, and once it ended you waited, heart pounding in your ears. The suddenly Steve was sitting up, and leaning over you, and you were pretty sure you were gonna pass out.
“You know how you were saying Taylor had found a way to describe what you were feeling and put it into a song?” you nodded, nerve endings on fire as he hovered over you. “This song, is how I feel about you”
“What?” this time Steve was nodding, and you were pretty sure you were dreaming.
“I get it if you don’t feel the same” Steve started to pull back but you grabbed him, making sure he stayed in place.
“Of course I feel the same, God I’ve loved you since middle school” you told him and he chuckled, fingers curling into your own.
“You are the best thing, that’s ever been mine” Steve whispered before leaning down. Your breath hitched but you recovered the moment his lips met yours, slotting together like puzzle pieces. He tasted like cherries and your hand that wasn’t locked in his own found its way to his head, fingers dragging through his hair. It was surreal to be kissed by Steve Harrington on your bed, only a dream until now. Yet here he was, warm body pressed to your own, the electricity sending your nerve endings on fire.
That was when you realized nothing could be better than falling in love with Steve listening to the lyrics of a Taylor Swift song.
a/n: this was short, sweet, and adorable. for a moment I thought I had accidentally deleted it so now I appreciate it even more. in the spirit of coincidences when I chose Foreigner to be Steves choice in band it was totally just the first 80s band to pop in my head and not even an hour after I finished writing this I was invited to go to a Foreigner concert this Friday. absolutely insane. also I went with Speak Now TV for this considering that is what’s popular right now and it felt right for the vibe of the story. I hope you enjoyed it all nonetheless 💜
#steve harrington#steve harrington x fem!reader#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington imagines#steve harrington fluff#steve harrington x fem#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington x you#steve harrington smut#steve harrington plus size#joe keery fanfiction#joe keery#joe keery x reader#joe keery x you#joe keery x y/n#joe keery imagines#joe keery fic#speak now taylor’s version#taylor swift#steve harrington stranger things#stranger things 4#stranger things imagine#steve stranger things#stranger things#steve harrington friends to lovers#steve harrington fic#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington fandom#steve harrington scenario#steve harrington series
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i have a taylor swift fic idea and it's based on the seven husbands of evelyn hugo, but i am TOO lazy to do it 😭
#taylorswift#taylor swift#taylor swift x reader#taylor swift x female reader#taylor swift fanfiction#taylor swift fanfic#taylor swift fluff#taylor swift angst#gaylor#taylor swift oneshot#taylor swift blurb#joe alwyn#wlw#taylor swift prompts#fearless#fearless taylor's version#speak now#speak now taylor’s version#red#red taylor’s version#taylor swift 1989#reputation#lover#folklore#evermore#midnights#angst#taylor swift x you
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Fandom: Abbott Elementary
Sample Size: 285 stories
Source: AO3
#barbara howard#melissa schemmenti#gregory eddie#janine teagues#gerald howard#ava coleman#jacob hill#zach#joe#taylor howard#abbott elementary#fanfiction#ao3#statistics#phantom statistician#barbara x melissa#melissa x barbara
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Christmasbound IX
“It’s got a beautiful french balcony by the bedroom. And also, check out these floors, babe. Oh my god so beautiful.” she says excitedly, with that same excited smile on her face as always when she can’t contain her feelings in front of him. She holds her phone down to show him everything she’s just talked about over Facetime, giving him a good view of what she’s seeing at this moment. He’s just comfortably sitting in his hotel room on the other side of the world, smiles at her excitement with some sleep in his eyes and a blanket up to his chest.
“The area is actually quite good, too.” he adds, as Taylor already continues to march through the big empty room, until she has reached the hallway where Elizabeth is standing, also taking pictures with her phone from where she stands.
“Look, this would be her room then.” Taylor says then in a more serious voice, filming the big and bright room with the massive window sills that open up the space to the grand backyard. Nothing but green grass and pine trees and another Victorian balcony, that offers a majestic view over the entire outside property. A certain kind of light and life filling this room that she envisions for the very first sensory experiences of her child. Big trees, lots of light, lots of space to run and grow and let your fantasy run wild. She certainly can envision to raise her here. Just the three of them here. Not to forget, also adding the three furry babies that will take over the place quicker than them.
“So you’re telling me she’s getting the master bedroom? Not fair.”
Taylor just gives him an annoyed look, can already hear his mother laughing over his comment behind her.
“I’m joking.” Joe laughs, “It’s perfect. But that balcony there gives me some anxiety.”
“That’s what your mom said, too.” Taylor sighs, can’t believe how many things you have to think of when becoming parents. The first thing that came to Elizabeth’s mind when viewing this house, was the accessible balcony with the big holes in the rails that would make it easy for a crawling child to simply fall through.
“But look, you can always get those changed.” Elizabeth already says, shows Taylor that the parapet is only placed on top of the flooring. She’s right. They could simply change the way this rail is built and make it baby friendly.
“I don’t know if we’d want to be under construction again for a while though. Because if we change this one, we’ll have to change the other ones in the house too.” Taylor just sighs, looking from Elizabeth back at Joe. He smirks through the screen. She’s a lot more irritable ever since she’s pregnant. Everything seems to be more complicated for her all of the sudden. Things that she took lightheartedly are suddenly serious matters. It’s interesting what hormones can do for your mind. The worried look on her face almost makes him laugh.
“We don’t have to make a decision yet. This is not something we should rush, Tay.”
She looks back at the screen and nods. As so often, he’s right. Elizabeth agreeing with her son as well. She sighs. As much as she knows that he’s right, she wants nothing more than to finally find the right place for their growing family. It’s true that their townhouse is big enough for a baby. But the truth is that she’s always had this fantasy. This fantasy of her daughter making her very first memories in the same house as her siblings will one day. It shouldn’t just be a house they buy. It’s a forever home. A home for Joe and her and their family. Somewhere, they will live in for more than just a couple of years. A place where birthdays will be celebrated, first steps, first day of schools, graduation and even sending your kids off to college. A house that is a lifetime.
“I know.” she sighs, looks at him with a sad look on her face, but the blonde man with the handsome beard just grins silently.
“You look tired, crazy lady.”
“I took a nap earlier.”
“Good. Have you eaten?”
Taylor sighs again, suddenly feels a second set of eyes on her. Aside from Joe who looks at her through the screen, Elizabeth now looks at her daughter in law with a concerned look as well. She almost has to laugh. She’s surrounded by overtly worried Alwyns these days.
“I was a bit sick this morning but I had some oatmeal before we left.”
“Isn’t it almost evening in London?” he asks through the screen. Before Taylor can answer, she already feels a set of hands on her back, right over her black coat gently stroking her up and down over the warm fabric.
“It is and she’s coming over to dinner with me.” Elizabeth says, has now already held her head into the FaceTime camera. Joe just gives his mum a thumbs up and it makes Taylor laugh.
“Not necessary. I still have take out from last night at home and…”
“No way you’re eating that crap. I will make you whatever you like, my darling.” Elizabeth says, her hand still gently on Taylor’s back. Taylor just looks back at Joe and shrugs her shoulders.
“Did you hear that?” she asks with a smirk.
“I did. And I agree with my mother.”
“She loves me more than she loves you at this point.”
Elizabeth starts laughing out loud, already focused on her own phone while replying to a message from Patrick on WhatsApp.
“She does. And again, I have to agree with it.” Joe smiles at the blonde woman laughing into the camera. God how much he misses that smile. What he would give to be able to kiss these lips, hug her small frame and give that little belly all the kisses it deserves.
“Stop! I was joking.” she giggles into the camera, hasn’t failed to notice his gentle smile while still standing in the empty big room of this massive London villa.
“Miss you. Both of you.”
Taylor’s laugh now turns into a gentle smile. Butterflies in her belly fly again. She just stares at her phone screen for a second too long though, slowly feels this deep sadness overcome the butterflies in her belly. It’s unbearable these days to not have him with her. Perhaps that’s why she ends up spending so much time with his family? As if they could replace the feeling of home she gets from being with him. As if they represent a piece of Joe she’s longing for so much.
“I miss you, too. So much. Just fifteen days now.” she says, feels herself getting emotional over the thought that it’s still more than two weeks until he’s home. Half a month. Half a month more that he misses of her pregnancy. Half a month more of her having to go through this emotional and physical roller coaster all by herself.
“Will pass a lot faster than you think.” Joe says, has seen the look on her face clearly. It kills him to be apart. It never has been this hard on him. Especially because for the first time, he can see how hard it actually is on her.
“I’ll call you when I’m home later, okay?” she says, definitely longs for a longer conversation with him.
“Of course. And listen to my mother.”
She rolls her eyes again for once, then presses a big kiss onto her iPhone camera.
“I love you.”
_______________
In a violent manner, her alarm goes off. The horrific sound in both set of ears now, right through the dark of this room. Within a split second, Joe opens his eyes. Just long enough to realize that it’s still dark outside. He immediately groans, just rolls closer to the woman in bed next to him. He doesn’t fully comprehend why her phone is making these loud noises, but what he does notice is her curly long hair right in front of his nose and the fact that her naked upper arm is a bit cold. She must’ve not been properly tucked into the sheets as she usually is. Joe’s warm hand begins to stroke her skin up and down for a few seconds, enjoys the thought of him warming her up. Something that was once so natural to him. Something he wants to do for the rest of his life, because it brings him so much peace. Even though this horrific sound of her alarm, in the middle of the night when in fact it’s the holidays, drives him insane.
“What..” he just moans with eyes closed, half asleep, half groaning into the fabric of her sleeping shirt. His left arm protectively looking for her hips now.
“I have to get up.” she lets out exhaustedly, without moving. He still doesn’t understand. For a second, Joe opens his eyes again, looks over her shoulder in confusion.
“Why?” he asks again, can feel the woman next to him stir slowly. She struggles to move her body, clearly. Instead of getting up, she’s now calmly on her back, her hand tiredly over his, which casually landed on her stomach a few seconds ago. Her eyes are closed and Joe knows that she fights with her urge to continue sleeping, just like he does.
“I’m Santa Claus. Remember? Eleanor. Downstairs.” she mumbles, eyes still gently closed, but the soft hand on his makes Joe smirk tiredly. Even though she does not seem to be able to speak in full sentences yet, he knows what she means. And how could he forget? It’s Christmas morning. He gently gets closer to her again, lays his head down on her pillow as well and presses a tired kiss onto her soft cheek.
“t’s too early.” he mumbles into her cheek. Taylor moans in an almost painful manner, then shakes her head and quickly begins to move, knowing damn well that she will fall asleep in his warm arms again if she doesn’t fight this urge in her. She slowly sits up, her naked feet dangling down her boxspring bed for a second. She truly feels as if a train has just run over her. She reaches for her phone on the night stand. Five in the morning. Five in the morning, in winter, in the dark, in the cold, in England, on Christmas day. A rather unromantic evolvement of the Christmas holidays, that only parents can understand.
“She will wake up in half an hour and run downstairs. You know her.” Taylor mumbles, almost feels as if she is saying these motivating words to herself, because the man in her bed has gone quiet again. She can’t help but grin silently through the dark as she can find him lay there in peace, both eyes closed again and his hand still reaching for her thigh. She slowly lets her feet glide into her soft slippers, then quickly gets up to leave the bedroom quietly. Joe deserves his sleep. Carefully, she closes the door.
“Oh, for fucks sake. You’re… crazy.”
Taylor quickly turns around, finds Joe standing in the doorway. His hair in all directions, his body covered in his boxershorts and the white tee he always sleeps in. She has to laugh quietly at him whilst sitting on her carpet, still arranging presents under the massive Christmas tree. His blue eyes are tiny and puffy, and he’s barefoot as well. She doesn’t have to look at him for long to understand that he’s absolutely tired.
“Morning, I didn’t expect you to join me.” she smiles happily. She’s still in her sleep wear like him, a hot cup of coffee next to her while taking the tinsel out of the box next to her. She loves adding some more glitter and decoration on top of the presents under the tree. She loves to make it seem like Santa Claus has not just brought a bunch of presents - but instead has spread his magic in form of red and green glitter on top of the entire tree in this living room.
“Five in the morning and it’s Winter Wonderland in here.” Joe mumbles, a bit more grumpy than he usually is. He closes the door to the hallway carefully and tries his best to be as quiet as he can be. After all, he doesn’t want Eleanor to wake up just yet.
“There’s coffee on the counter.” Taylor says, can already see in his puffy face how happy he becomes in an instant, having heard these words escape her mouth.
“Thank god.” he mumbles, already on his way to pour himself a nice hot cup of coffee. It’s the least he needs for being awake at this ungodly hour. While taking that first, hot, incredible sip he looks outside the big window sills. The sky outside is still pitch black. Only the snow glistening and reflecting in the big windows right by the winter garden of this house. He knows that this is just part of being parents, and after all, he was the one talking Taylor into prepping the living room in the morning instead of last night. It was his idea. He wanted more time with her in bed last night and that’s why they’re awake now. However, he can’t really believe he managed to actually get out of bed, to not let her deal with all of this by herself.
After all, this time, things will be different. They already are.
“Merry Christmas, babe.”
He suddenly feels two arms wrapped around his torso, which makes him smile in an instant. He slowly places his mug on the marble counter in front of him, then slowly turns around to find her standing in front of him, both arms still around him, and a tired smile on her face. Joe’s arms automatically wander around her and he can’t help but brush her bangs off her face. With his hands on her head, he just stands there, taking a good look at her her bare face with a smile. It’s been a while.
“Merry Christmas.” he whispers back, in a way more intimate way than he’s ever said these two words to someone. With her tired smile and the little pimple on her chin, she just lets him hold her like this, doesn’t shy away from simply looking into his eyes. Eyes she knows so well.
Joe doesn’t have to ask to understand that she longs for him to kiss her. Her eyes wandering back and forth from his lips, as he can feel her get on her tiptoes already. Even before his lips finally meet hers, Taylor has already closed her eyes. Joe smiles into the kiss automatically, his hands now gently on her cheeks and her bangs hanging down again in a rather unruly way.
As he pulls back, Joe just smiles at her even more than he did before. He could say so many things to her in this moment, but he knows that he doesn’t need to. His smile says it all. He knows that she knows.
“God, you look so good this morning.” she whispers, making him cackle quietly. Her torso still pressed against his, and both his hands on her face. He loves feeling the soft skin against his fingers. He loves being able to smell her so close to him.
“Would’ve loved to stay in bed with you a bit longer.” Joe says and Taylor sighs, as if she remembers just now that half of the tinsel is still on the floor wrapped up in plastic.
“Can you help me wrap the tinsel around the beams on the ceiling? I’m almost done.” she says with a yawn, quietly agrees with Joe’s previous statement. She wouldn’t mind sleeping again for another hour or two.
“Of course.” he says, only lets go off her with hesitation before taking a last sip from the hot beverage next to him. It’s always that first cup in the morning. Heaven.
Taylor already walks back into the open living space.
“I was thinking, maybe you throw it over and I pull here?” she gestures grandly, is slowly stepping onto the chair in the living room again while holding the decorations up in the air. Joe looks at her, has to smirk quietly. She loves this. She loves decorating the house and playing Santa Claus for their daughter. She can’t convince him otherwise.
“Why don’t you go out of the way and let me do this.” he says, gently places his hands around her hips to signal her to come down from this unsteady chair and let him handle this.
“But..”
“No buts. You can fill the stockings in the meantime.”
Taylor lets him help her down the chair and smiles nodding. It’s been a while since she didn’t have to do this alone. She quietly watches him wrap the tinsel around her wooden beam with what looks like no effort. Taylor smiles quietly while filling the big fabric with chocolate and little wrapped up gifts. Within ten minutes, Joe has successfully hung up the tinsel and even adjusted the fairy lights on the inside of her winter garden. Taylor now closes the box on the floor with a satisfied look and turns her head to look around again. The Christmas tree is filled with a ridiculous amount of presents on the floor, fairy lights and glitter lighting up the room. She’s proud of her end result. Eleanor will love this. She just knows.
“Thanks for helping me. Looks great.”
She can feel Joe wrap his arms around her from behind this time, his face next to hers over her shoulder, looking into the same direction as she just did. She smiles happily, carefully leans back and loves to find herself wrapped in his familiar arms. She takes one last look at the Christmas tree, then slowly closes her eyes for a second. This feeling of safety and love is something she’s been missing for a long long time. His warm, big hands on her stomach, gently tucked under her sleeping shirt now. Memories are coming up. His loving hands on her belly. This is how it was always supposed to be.
“You’re very welcome, my love.” Joe whispers into her ear before kissing the spot on her cheek, right in front of her ear, slowly.
“What do we do now?” he asks then, can see that her eyes are gently closed. She swallows once, then turns her head into his direction, both arms still wrapped around his. Now that her face is closer to his he can shower her closed eyes with a few sweet kisses, just smiles as he sees her lips forming a smile as well.
“Bed. I’m so tired.” she murmurs and he fully agrees with her. That first coffee didn’t help. An hour more of sleep is desperately needed from both sides.
_______________
Taylor opens her eyes, needs a second to remember where she is. But within a split second, she just feels this overwhelming sensation of safety in her bones. The TV in the living room is still running and the same boring episode of Britain’s Got Talent from before is still on. The floor lamp at the end of the room is lid. It’s gone dark outside. She must have fallen asleep on the family sofa while watching the television with Elizabeth. She closes her eyes once again in exhaustion, appreciates the sofa blanket that has been placed over her body.
It’s the weirdest thing in the world. These days, she can just fall asleep anywhere and anytime. As if a deep, deep exhaustion has taken over and almost makes it impossible for her to function as she normally does. Taylor swallows tiredly once, turns her head to the left which results in her curly bangs gently falling off her face. Her hand slowly wanders to her small but prominent belly. It’s still weird for her to feel this bump there all of the sudden. This weird, growing belly that’s slowly but surely getting in the way of her and her favourite jeans. She always thought it would be scary to have a human being living inside of your body. Always imagined pregnancy like a scary Alien-like experience. Another organism taking over. When in fact, it’s quite the opposite. It’s cozy. It’s a weird feeling of warmth and togetherness in her belly. She’s not alone. She doesn’t know this growing human being but what she does know is the fact that she already loves it. And she will love it, probably for as long as she walks this planet.
With her hand gently stroking her belly for a minute, she hears Elizabeth rummaging around the kitchen. Pots that are being moved from counter to stove. The sound of the extractor fan from afar. The most incredible smell in the air. She’s making her favourite dish, Taylor can already tell. Zucchini Pasta.
Sleepy but happy, she turns around again, opens her eyes then a bit more to look at the television again. She never thought it would be possible to feel at home in a family that is not hers, but here she is. Falling asleep on Joe’s family’s sofa in the middle of the afternoon whilst his mom is preparing her dinner. A feeling of gratefulness in her chest. She slowly sits up, rubs her eyes once. If she wouldn’t actively fight the urge, she would fall asleep again. Unbelievable how much she can sleep nowadays.
With one leg hanging down the couch and the other one under her bum she can clearly feel the pressure on her bladder. Just when she was about to get up to make her way to the bathroom is when her eyes suddenly pop wide open. Within a split second, her hands both move to her belly. Her heart starts beating faster. A pretty hurtful, pretty unusual feeling is arising in her belly. Taylor breathes heavy within seconds. This can’t be happening. She’s not even seven months along yet. With shaking hands, she clutches onto her bump, tries to stay calm but fails. Panic arises. Is that why she feels the need to pee suddenly?
“Elizabeth? Can you…can you come over for a second? Please?” she yells all of the sudden, her voice has clearly gotten a lot louder and shaky. Taylor feels herself getting more and more nervous with every second passing by. The weird feeling isn’t going away. A lot of pressure on her stomach that is not going away, even with her hands pressed on her belly. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening again.
“What’s wrong, darling?” Elizabeth already asks with a worried look on her face, the apron still covering her clothes. But that worried look in the brown-haired woman’s eyes gets even worse when she sees Taylor on the sofa, the telly still running in the background while the blonde woman sits there with tears in her eyes, holding onto her belly as if she was holding onto life.
“Taylor, what…”
“Something is wrong.” she says, her voice almost breaking. Elizabeth can see how her hands are shaking, her face that is pale all of the sudden.
“Something is really wrong, I think I need to see a doctor.” Taylor adds hectically, her chest rising, as Elizabeth has already sat down in front of her, looks at the blonde woman as worried as she does.
“What is it? Are you in pain?” she asks, her hands already securely on Taylor’s belly as well now.
“It’s this.. weird pressure since a few minutes. It’s almost like back then when I had the miscarriage. Can you call a doctor or something?” She says, her eyes already red and watery. Elizabeth just moves her hands on her belly a bit, doesn’t say anything. Then she just starts to smile quietly and looks back at Taylor who doesn’t understand her reaction at all.
“Oh, darling.” she says quietly, the gentlest smile on her lips that Taylor has ever seen. “She’s kicking. Your baby is kicking.”
Taylor looks at her in disbelief, her hand now wandering to the spot on her belly as well where the pressure can be felt the most. She swallows for a second, feels the flutter again. She can’t believe it.
“She’s… she’s kicking? That’s what that was?”
“Yeah, feel this.” Elizabeth smiles, her hand wandering across her small belly.
“Here. It’s her little foot that bothers you.”
Taylor immediately clutches her hands to the spot where Elizabeth hands have just been. She laughs quietly, then feels her eyes getting hot and teary again. A rush of love overcoming her that almost makes her dizzy.
“She’s kicking.” she says again quietly, a first tear escaping her eyes and running down her cheek slowly.
“She’s kicking.”
_______________
“Daddy, I can’t take it off. Can you help me?”
Joe just shares one last look with Taylor, who has to smirk just like him. She slowly takes another sip from her coffee, then watches Joe get up from the breakfast table for the fifth time in the last half hour. It seems that only dad is allowed to help Eleanor with her new toys. Especially when it comes to the miniature clothes she got from Santa Claus for her mini dolls to wear.
“Alright bug, but let us have breakfast after, okay?” he says while crouching down in front of the little girl in her Christmas PJs. He takes a good look at that tiny, happy face, and smiles silently as he focuses on her doll. He fully understands how excited the little girl is about all her new presents. Even though it’s been over an hour now, and he really wants her to eat before she gets dressed to go visit his family today.
“Yes, daddy. Look, the skirt is stuck.” she says, points to the fabric, and almost looks desperate. He can’t help but smirk again. Joe just inspects the screw-in button on the tiny skirt now. Can clearly feel Taylor watching him next to Eleanor under the tree. Still in his boxers and tee, being fully focused on the doll in his hand with the same serious look in his face like his daughter. Taylor has to laugh quietly, then unlocks her phone to take a picture of the two twins.
“You almost got it.” Eleanor cheers on him, just when Joe manages to finally get rid of the doll’s clothing. She smiles at him thankfully and Joe grins at her as well. He slowly leans down to press a kiss on her little curly head and then gets up to sit back down in front of Taylor at the big dining table again. She looks at him with a soft smile, doesn’t have to speak up to tell him how much she enjoys seeing him dress- and undress little dolls for his daughter. Joe smiles back at her, reaches for her hand over the table, strokes the soft skin around her thumb gently. This is how this day is meant to be. Just when Eleanor approaches the dinner table again is when Taylor immediately lets go off his hand, just watches her daughter sit down next to her father again.
“What do you want on your pancake, my love?” Joe asks her already, has just helped her climb onto the chair next to him with her doll still securely in her hand.
“I want chocolate chips and raspberry and honey.” she says with big eyes, making Taylor smile again over the six year old’s decisiveness in her voice.
“Do you want to do it yourself?” she asks, already passes her the bowl of berries as well as the plate with stapled pancakes on it. After all, she knows that Eleanor enjoys making things herself. It’s also good for her to practice these things more often. After all, she’s a school girl now. Not a baby anymore.
“Yes!” she says, confidently grabs a pancake and then reaches for the big spoon full of honey. Joe carefully helps her by holding the plate in front of her. Taylor looks at Joe again in silence. He always claims he’s not good at these parenting things. But the truth is that he’s a natural. Always has been.
“Mommy, are we going to grandma’s today?” Eleanor asks then and looks at her mother with imperious eyes. Taylor knows that she understood clearly that there was a big fight between them last night.
“Do you want to spend the day at grandma’s house? With Patrick and grandpa and Tom and..”
Taylor doesn’t have to finish the sentence because Eleanor already nods enthusiastically while loading her pancake with bananas. Taylor places her mug in front of her, then looks at Joe with an insecure look. She doesn’t know what he wants to do. She understands if he wants to spend the day with his family, too. She would support him in joining Eleanor today if that’s what he wants. But there’s no way she can sit on Elizabeth’s dinner table today. Acting as if the last night hadn’t happened. Acting as if she hadn’t hurt her to the bone with her words last night.
“Well,” Joe starts, his eyes fully focused on Eleanor now. “How would you feel if mummy and I drop you off after breakfast? And you can take your presents and your new turtle bag and have a little sleepover at grandma and grandpa’s house tonight? I’m sure Patrick is responsible for Christmas movie night tonight. And then tomorrow morning, mum and me we come to pick you up and spend Boxing Day together, just the three of us. Together with the cats and more Christmas movies. What do you think?”
Just before Taylor can say something, Eleanor already nods enthusiastically while chewing on her pancake. Taylor looks at her daughter, unsure how to react. Obviously, Joe wants to spend the day alone with her. And as happy and gushy as she feels to know that he does, she doesn’t feel convinced that this is the right thing to do. Leaving Eleanor for Christmas day. Making Joe spend the holidays apart from his family.
“Do you really want to do a sleepover at grandma’s tonight?” Taylor asks carefully, ready to spot any signal in the little face that Eleanor doesn’t want to be separated from her mother today. But to her shock, Eleanor seems excited. A bright smile on her face, before lifting up her arms in excitement.
“Yeeees!” she yells, making Joe and her laugh a bit.
“Daddy, can I bring the big doll house? And the horse garage? Do you think Patrick will make popcorn, too? Maybe we can watch Mary Poppins..”
Taylor looks back at Joe, a slight smile on her face over Eleanor’s excitement, but a lot of insecurity in her eyes as well.
“Joe, if you want you can also stay with your family and..”
He just looks back at her. A hand on Eleanor’s back, who seems to fight with fork and knife to cut her loaded pancake, an ironic smirk on her face, almost as if he was asking her with his eyes if she’s being serious.
“You think I’d prefer to spend the day with my mother instead of..”
He doesn’t have to finish the sentence. Taylor smiles quietly, but also feels a weird ache in her chest. It feels toxic and forbidden, but she’s almost heartbroken that Eleanor is as independent as she is. Doesn’t cry anymore at the thought of spending the night away from home. As much as she’s excited for this alone time with Joe, she’s also already missing her little bubbly daughter.
“Alright then. And what are we two gonna do all day today then?” Taylor asks him, lost in her thoughts again whilst watching Eleanor eat in excitement. She reaches for her hot coffee cup and takes another warm sip.
“Well, I might have an idea or two.” he smirks then, and it takes five seconds for Taylor to understand what he means. She just changes her face to a mad one within a split second, places her coffee cup with a mad undertone on the table again. Not in front of her. Taylor’s face speaks for itself. Joe giggles quietly, steals his daughter a raspberry from her plate.
“I’m serious.” Joe laughs, points at her phone. “I have an idea. Open google maps and look for Rye, East Sussex.”
_______________
“Do you really think this is a good idea?”
Joe, who stands in her closet just laughs quietly before folding one of this black jeans. He turns around to look at Taylor, who’s sitting in her bed again. Her head resting against the bedpost, her macbook on her thighs, wrapped in her white bed sheets again whilst she’s still in her pajamas from before.
“We can also stay here and just have sex all day long. I’d be up for that, too.”
It takes a second and Joe feels a pillow in his back, that she has just thrown at him from where she sits. He laughs as he turns around to look at her again, already sees the strict finger on her lips, signaling him to be careful with his choice of words as long as Eleanor is in the same house.
“It looks beautiful, but.. where are we gonna stay? Also, I’m very sure that everything is closed today and..”
“It’s an adventure, Tay.” he says then, sits down in bed next to her for a second. Taylor still anxiously looks into her laptop, is clearly overthinking all of this again.
“When’s the last time we had some time away. Just you and me.” he smiles at her, already reaching for her hand. Taylor can’t help but smile quietly, loves how Joe kisses the back of her hand once while looking at her.
“It’s been ages.” he says, even though this statement doesn’t answer her previous question.
“Let me find a hotel. If I can’t, we’ll drive back home tonight. It’s just an hour outside of London anyways.” he says confidently, looks at Taylor then for final confirmation. She just nods with a grin on her face. Joe squeezes her hand three times. She hates to admit how much she loves his idea. Instead, just rolls her eyes at him.
“You love it.” he mumbles.
“We will see.” she says, gets up from bed and walks past him barefoot.
“You absolutely love my idea, admit it.”
“Well, if we’re stranded on the outskirts of London tonight with no phone and no hotel and no food, I will get back to you about how awesome this idea was.” she says, has already closed the door to the master bathroom.
“You love it.” he replies again, this time with a big smirk on his face.
_______________
With a drink in his hand Joe stands in this pretty darkened bar, laughing once as one of the film crew members tells the story about a weird encounter he had with a Canadian woman in the lift earlier. He didn’t want to join them tonight, really wasn’t in the mood to go out tonight, right before his flight to Nashville tomorrow. His head is full, extremely full these days. His mind is constantly at home with Taylor and the little bean growing in her belly, that will surely turn his life upside down sooner than he thinks. The incomparable amount of responsibility they’re both just learning to grow into. And on top of that, he got this call from Jeffrey today. This call, that Paul Thomas Anderson wants to work with him on an upcoming project in Ireland. The Paul Thomas Anderson. A once in a lifetime project that he had never even dreamed of being considered for. But instead of being ecstatic about this opportunity, it just gives him a tummy ache. Because he thought he knew what the next six months of his life would look like. The long break he’s been planning for a while now. The long break he was looking forward to to finally take care of his own mental state. The long break to clear his head, be with his baby and to learn how to be a parent. Learn how to be the man he wants to be for the two most important women in his life. Taylor didn’t hesitate for a second to tell him that he needs to accept the offer. That he can make it work. That they can make it work. But it doesn’t make him feel any better. Not at all.
Joe takes a last sip from his glass, can already feel Andrew’s stare on him as he places the empty glass on the counter in front of him, grabs his jacket before giving him a look.
“You leaving already?” he asks into Joe’s ear and the blonde man nods. The live band that is playing in this bar makes it a bit hard to speak in a normal sounding voice.
“Yeah, I want to call Taylor before she goes to bed. Check in on her.”
Andrew nods and smiles, his hand now on his shoulder, patting him with the same smile that his dad always gives him when they talk about this topic. This smile, that only a father can understand.
“When’s her due date again?”
“December.” Joe smiles and Andrew does too.
“It’s the biggest change of your life that’s ahead of you, my friend.” the older actor laughs and Joe nods. He’s heard this quite a few times now but no one can really explain to him what this change will look like.
“Any advice for me? I have never in my life changed a nappy before.” Joe mumbles, is ready to be laughed at by his colleague and friend.
“That’s not what this is about. You’ll grow into that.” Andrew interrupts him with a secure look on his face. “Being a father will come naturally to you, but being in a relationship will get different. Being a good partner when you have a child that needs all your attention every hour of the day is the difficult thing.” he says, a bit more serious than before, now sips from his glass and looks at Joe again. He doesn’t like hearing this, because it already feels like he’s being torn apart in all directions. Even though his daughter is not even born yet.
“And what’s your golden advice then, mate?” he says, cheers once more with the older actor. His gaze falls to the live band again. The singer is a young woman in her twenties. Never did he ever think that he would so soon feel this responsibility. The responsibility for a human being. He already loves this person, even though he’s never met her. That’s out of question. But sometimes he wonders how his life will look like in a few years down the road. How many of his own issues will he pass down to this beautiful, perfect little creature growing in Taylor’s belly? How is he supposed to take care of a helpless human-being when he can barely control his own anxiety sometimes?
“There is no advice. I think… some people make it and some don’t. Sounds dark, I know. But you can’t have it all. I think that’s what I learned. You either have a career or you’ll end up with a house full of kids and two to three mediocre roles a year. You know, if you’re lucky and it happens that way then you’ll have a good income and a good life. I mean… it’s not bad. Not at all. But that’s just the reality that nobody tells you about when you become a dad.”
Joe looks at the forty year old man, with disappointment in his eyes. He’s never experienced Andrew as someone who sees his career as non- existent or subordinated to his family. He’s met Lisa before. Taylor and him have had dinner with the couple during the course of Joe shooting this movie together with him. They’re an incredible family. They live out what Taylor and him aspire for their future. A stable relationship, lots of fun, lots of travels and three incredible children. Joe can’t believe Andrew’s little speech. They seemed…. happy? Is that what it will be like for him as well? Happy on the outside and empty on the inside? Like a shell of the things that you should love whilst you lack purpose underneath?
Joe scratches his neck once, then orders another beer.
_______________
Taylor patiently sits in the quiet car, her feet warmed up in her big black inuikii winter boots, her torso wrapped in the big puff jacket and her green beanie covering her head. Joe has made sure to leave the heating on before leaving the car to drop off Eleanor at his parents house. A weird feeling for her to just stay in this car, acting incredibly busy on her phone and not saying hello to his parents.
Taylor knows that she can’t avoid them forever, and she knows that there has to be a point where they talk. Not just about what happened last night but even more so, what happened three years ago. Three years ago when she had to make the hardest decision of her life. Elizabeth knows only one side of the story, and it almost frightens her to be told what that story actually is.
Within two minutes, she can hear his footsteps on the snow next to the big car and feels a slight relief overcome her. She was worried that Elizabeth would want to talk to her right now, or even worse: approach her while she’s sitting in the car on the street. She knows her mother in law well. She’s stubborn, determined and honest. Sometimes a bit too honest. A similarity that she shares with her also.
Joe opens the doors to the black SUV, and Taylor is relieved when he closes the door again. The cold air from outside was disturbing the warmth coming from the heating.
“All good?” Taylor just asks, not sure whether she means her little daughter who was just dropped off by her father or Joe and the chaos of not being on best terms with his family after last night. Joe shares a look with her, nods then. He doesn’t look thrilled but it seems that nothing else was said that would’ve ruined his mood this morning. He quickly starts the car, then unlocks his seatbelt for a second again to take off his winter jacket.
“You should take off your jacket, you’ll be cold when we arrive.” he says with a concerned look and she nods. He’s right. There’s nothing more uncomfortable than leaving the car and freezing because your body temperature has reached around a dozen degree in the past hour. Just as Joe starts driving and shortly after leaves the little lane leading from his parent’s house to the main road, Taylor has managed to take off her jacket without unbuckling her seatbelt and now sits back relaxed on the passenger seat again, taking a deep breath for once.
“Was she sad?” Taylor asks him, turns her head towards Joe who’s busy driving.
“She literally didn’t even look back. I said ‘Bye Eleanor, I will miss you’ and she just ran off and was like…. ‘Ok bye, dad’.” he says and Taylor has to cackle quietly with him.
“Ouch. She is basically a teenager now.” she says, and Joe nods with a sigh. He stops at a red light, then looks to the side to get a good look of the woman next to him. She’s wearing some make up today, her long hair wavy and covered in her beanie that makes her look absolutely adorable. She’s wearing some chapstick on her lips and it only makes her look fresher than these past days. His hand slowly wanders to her face, and with a smirk on his lips he bops her nose just once, making her giggle for a second.
“At least this means we get some alone time.” he says, and Taylor nods. A smile on her face. A small one but it’s still clearly there.
“Did your mom say anything, or…”
Joe’s smile slowly diminishes as the lights turn green and he continues driving. He takes a deep breath, doesn’t really like talking about this topic.
“She wants to talk to you. And to us. I mean she obviously keeps apologising but I told her not this weekend.”
Taylor nods. That’s a fair answer.
“I feel so bad that you’re spending Christmas away from your family. Not really speaking to them.” she mumbles then and it takes less than a second for Joe to interrupt her.
“Stop saying that. I’m spending the day with you. That’s all I want this year. That’s literally all I wanted for the past ten years.” he says with a confidence in his voice that makes her stomach weak. She takes a deep breath and smiles silently, as she already feels his hand reaching for hers right on her lap. He interlocks their fingers and this time his grip is stronger than usually. This means a lot to her. These days together mean a lot to her. It almost feels like a big shift has happened between them. A band that has been blocking them just ripped apart. Everything is on the table. All the ugliness and the hurt and the fears. And they still want each other. For good.
“I can’t remember the last time we took a day trip together without Eleanor. Do you?” she asks, her mood a lot better already. She looks over at him driving and he smiles too at the thought of it.
“I think it was when you were pregnant. And we got into this huge fight about…”
“Oh right.” she interrupts him, doesn’t really need to revisit this weekend once more. He proposed to her, she freaked out and made it clear to him that she’s not ready. A second time she turned him down. Little did she know just how much she would hurt him back then.
“So what are we gonna do today? You basically didn’t let me do any of the planning for the day so… tell me.” she says all excited for their little spontaneous getaway. Her hand still intertwined with his, her eyes on him who is carefully focused on the road. Everything is white on the outside, thanks to the icy snow on the streets. Aside from that, the weather isn’t necessarily great today. A white grey layer of clouds covering the sky. A classic English winter day.
“I booked us a little cabin. No guarantee that this will be nice but it had good reviews.” he says, already laughing apologetically. “And then I’d say we just.. walk around and go for a hike? Explore nature?” Taylor looks at him and presses her face against the backrest of her car seat. She loves this plan. She loves it a lot.
“Sounds great! But can I please make a request?” she mumbles, has raised her voice a little bit like always when she really wants something from him.
“Coffee. Next exit. I got it.” he says, already knew what she wanted from him. Taylor just laughs for once, then starts playing around with the console of his car, until she finds a sound she likes.
“You know me too well.”
“I do.” he just says, a quiet pause in the air. He often feels like he knows her better than himself. A strange but beautiful dynamic he’s never had with any other human being.
“Listen to this.” she smiles, turns up the music a little bit more. The same Kings of Leon song is playing that they both were obsessed with. Back then, when there was no Eleanor. She remembers very well when her obsession with this song started, knows that it must’ve been around Thanksgiving six years ago.
_______________
“The level of unfairness is unbearable. I’m serious.” Taylor just laughs, looks down at her hot chocolate mug in disappointment. Austin and her cousin Spencer cheer to her once more before taking a sip of her aunt’s delicious eggnog brandy. Andrea, who’s sitting on the sofa right next to her just laughs at her daughter, signaling her to at least try the marshmallow infused hot chocolate in her hand. She knows that her daughter is exaggerating, as always, but she still feels for her. It’s a lot of changes at once.
“Honey, next year. If you want I’ll make you one for Easter even.”
Taylor has to laugh at her aunt trying to soothe her, then takes a sip of the Christmas-y drink in her hand. She has to admit, the sweetness paired with the hot and soothing taste of a melted marshmallow is a great replacement for the liquor based drink she would usually have. Usually, around this time of the year, if there wasn’t a little someone taking up space in her belly and eating her food, too.
Scott slowly gets up from the spot he’s been sitting on at the other side of the family living room, has been discussing with Taylor’s uncle how much the value of their property will increase in the next year down here on the outskirts of Nashville. Her face suddenly wanders to the iPhone screen that is lighting up. She sits upright again, then reaches for the phone from the coffee table. All she can see is her wallpaper that is making her smile every time. Joe with a big smile, cuddling Benjamin close to his chest. Her favourite boys.
‘Be there in half an hour’
Taylor smiles confusedly. Didn’t his plane already arrive an hour ago?
“When’s Joe coming? The Turkey is ready.” Alison says, and Taylor looks up at her. She nods. They wanted to start dinner half an hour ago. She knows that Alison is usually the most relaxed person in the world. But when it comes to her Turkey, she’s getting a lot more serious than one would expect. Taylor wants to answer her, suddenly feels a rather uncomfortable kick in her belly. She places her hand on the spot that aches. Seems like the sugar rush from her hot chocolate has not just woken her up, but also the little kicking monster living inside of her.
“Sorry, he just texted me he’s late. I’m not sure why, but…”
“Maybe his flight was delayed?” Andrea interrupts her, and Taylor nods.
“We can start eating already though. I don’t want to make you all wait.”
“Oh, no way! We can wait for him. Why don’t you all sit down at the table and we will have the appetizers first.” Alison says, has already made her way to the kitchen again to adjust the temperature of her oven, not to burn the Turkey. Taylor grabs her phone, opens the chat with Joe again and starts texting.
‘Everything okay? We’ll start eating the first course now’
She hits send, can clearly see that he read her message already. She patiently waits for him to reply, but nothing. After a minute she puts her phone down, quietly smiles at her family that has just sat down around the round dining room table at her aunt’s house. She slowly gets up, the added weight on her feet noticeable every time. With her belly in front of her, Taylor slowly approaches the table. She loves Thanksgiving. Always has. Candles are lighting up the cozy living room. Alison has prepared the table with lots of autumnal style decorations. It has gone dark outside by now, but the fireplace at the end of the living room is lighting up the room in the warmest way possible.
“Why don’t you sit next to me, honey, and then Joe can sit next to you when he comes.” Alison already signals Taylor to take a seat in front of her. She just smiles, slowly sits down on the chair in front of her. After sitting down she checks her phone once more. No reply. Taylor feels irritated. Usually, Joe always texts back within seconds. Weird. She places her phone next to her, taking a sip from the water glass in front of her.
“I’ll get it.” Alison says with a knowing look on her face, slowly gets up to open the door. Taylor notices the stupid smile creeping up on her face. She’s so happy he’s finally here. She was always happy to see him after being separated for a week or more. But now, since her body is going through this new transition, it’s even nicer to know he’s home after a while. Home with her and her family, safe, soon be sitting down next to her around this warm and cozy dinner table.
It takes less than five seconds and Taylor has slowly gotten up as well, notices immediately that it takes her a tiny little bit longer to get up from the table than it usually does. In her leather boots with a low high heel, she slowly makes her way into the hallway, where Alison is already speaking to Joe. With her long, blonde and tonight slightly wavy hair, Taylor can see his suitcase being placed next to the door. She smiles at the sight, watches him pull back from the hug with Alison. Taylor now full on giggling as she approaches him, too. The kicking in her belly is getting a lot stronger. And she knows why. The butterflies arising in her belly from seeing him haven’t remained unnoticed by the little human living inside of her.
“Someone’s happy for you to be here it seems.” Alison smiles at her niece, who is already approaching the tall man with open arms. She hugs him tightly, feels how cold his jacket is from outside. But what she also notices is a weird smell. She closes her eyes though, knows very well that her sense of smell has been completely out of hand since a few weeks now. She closes her eyes for a second. He’s here.Finally.
“Hello, my love.” he whispers into her ear, right over her hair. She smiles still, doesn’t even notice that Alison is still witnessing the whole scenery. Taylor slowly pulls back and takes a good look at his face. He’s tired. There’s something else in his eyes. Taylor slowly kisses his lips, feels his stubble on her chin. But suddenly, there’s a different sensation she experiences. He tastes like alcohol. Is she going crazy now? Still standing as close to him as physically possible, he doesn’t seem to notice her confused face though. He’s way too focused on her belly already.
“Oh my god, she’s grown. Again.” he just says, as excited as he always is after not having seen her for more than a few days. She finds his excitement endearing, as always, just watches him lower himself in front of her and peppering the softest kisses onto her belly right over the striped wool dress she’s wearing. Taylor’s hand naturally lands on his hair. She strokes the soft short hair up and down until he seems to be done with his loving hello to her belly. This time, she’s kind of glad to have noticed Alison leaving the hallway again to give the two some privacy. Just when he stands upright again is when he notices her face. Joe gives her a confused look back, slowly takes off his jacket and hangs it up right next to the door. He looks handsome, absolutely gorgeous as always. His torso covered in the navy blue Burberry jumper she got him the other day.
“What?”
“Did you have a drink on the plane?”
Joe approaches her again, this time a smirk on his face. He doesn’t say anything, just grins at her, then lowers his head to be able to kiss her neck gently. She knows where his mind is going but she’s not having it.
“Why would you say that?” he asks then, pretends to be insulted all of the sudden.
“You smell like a bar.”
“I don’t.” he just laughs, shakes his head. He can see that she doesn’t like it, but he already places his warm hand in her neck, gets closer to kiss her forehead gently. “I had a drink, yes. Haven’t eaten yet.”
Taylor nods. She doesn’t know why it bothers her that he smells like alcohol. Perhaps because he never smells like this after a glass of wine, or perhaps because this is a Thanksgiving dinner and her entire family is patiently waiting in this living room for him. Him. The man who is getting praised by Taylor like no other. The man who got her pregnant. The boyfriend who has a lot of expectations on his shoulders now that they’re expanding their family.
Joe just smiles at her, his thumb stroking her cheek once.
“You look sexy.” he whispers. She just bites her lower lip, then shakes her head and grants him a look that says it all. She’s getting annoyed, even though he’s as handsome as he mostly is.
“Let’s go eat.”
“I read somewhere that the housing prices in Europe are skyrocketing as well. Didn’t you say that Joe’s family bought a property in Spain last year, Taylor?” Scott asks, was fully deepened into the conversation with Spencer as Taylor just quietly nods. She feels tense. Sitting there at the family table. She can see Joe sipping on his second glass of wine now. He slowly places the glass next to him again, is now trying to eat the baby carrot on his plate with his fork. But instead of pricking into the vegetable, he pricks into the plate. A creaking sound filling the dinner table. She feels embarrassed. Slowly leans back in her chair and takes a look at him. He’s drunk. To say the least. He’s absolutely wasted. Taylor doesn’t dare to look into her mother’s face who is clearly noticing Joe’s behaviour as well.
“Yes, my parents have bought a house in the Málaga region. It’s lovely, but… very expensive.” he says then, trying his best to sound sober. She notices that immediately. His mouth full while speaking. Taylor cannot believe it. She has never witnessed him like this.
“Oh, Málaga is gorgeous I heard.” Alison now says, pretends like Joe is acting normal. Like everyone around this table who doesn’t want to cause a scene or make Taylor uncomfortable. She has no idea why he got drunk on a plane by himself. He likes to drink, yes, has always been a wine lover. But he’s never lost control of himself, has never been careless enough to get this drunk before flying in for a family holiday.
Taylor feels relieved as everyone around the table emerges into another conversation that, this time, doesn’t involve her drunk boyfriend. He slowly turns around to her, grants her a smile with his eyes half closed. His left hand around the back of her chair whilst his other hand is now wandering to her belly. He just smiles at her, seems to be the only one around this table who doesn’t notice how drunk he is. While drawing circles on her belly with his hand, he kisses her temple gently. Taylor can see her mother watching them in the corner of her eye. The amount of explaining she will have to do after this dinner, already makes her mad.
“You look so beautiful.” he says then, obviously intended to whisper this statement into her ear but instead has said it in his normal voice. So loudly, that the entire table is looking at the couple now. Nobody around this table is unaware of the fact that he is intoxicated. Nobody except for Joe himself.
“Do you want some water?” she just replies quietly. She knows that causing a scene now will only embarrass her even more. But Joe looks at her confusedly now, his hand still on her thigh.
“No, why? I’m good.”
Taylor doesn’t say anything, just crosses her arms over her belly and looks away, acting as if she’s part-taking in the conversation around the table again. She can’t dare look at him. She can’t believe he’s acting like this in front of her family. On Thanksgiving. Whilst she is pregnant with his child.
“Okay, who wants dessert?” Alison now smiles into the round, finds Austin, Spencer and Taylor’s youngest cousin Kelly cheering on her aunt. She slowly gets up, just like Andrea does to start cleaning up the table by collecting the plates from main course. To her confusion, Taylor suddenly notices how Joe begins to get up as well, struggles a bit to stable the plates over each other. Obviously.
“Let me help you, Alison.” he says in a thick accent. His English accent always getting especially thick when he’s had a few drinks. Taylor can’t believe it.
“Oh no, don’t worry, Joe. I got it.”
Taylor signals him to sit back down again. He can feel how mad she is, the way she grabs his arm a bit more harsh than per usual.
“What?” he asks then, his head turned to her again. And Taylor sincerely hopes that her cousins are too focused on their conversation to notice this interaction between her and the man by her side. She just looks into his eyes, long and deep and Joe doesn’t say anything further. It hurts. The disappointment in her eyes. The anger. The same damn look he gives himself most days, actually. But seeing it in her eyes hurts him even more. He doesn’t say anything further, just reaches for this glass of wine and takes another sip. He knows he’s a burden. A mess. Not ready for any of this.
_______________
“Okay, that was officially the worst idea I’ve had in a while.”
Taylor can’t help but laugh at him. He’s grumpy. He hates this. She can see it in his eyebrows, and the familiar look in his face.
“No this is beautiful! Look!” she squirms, her demeanor the complete opposite of him. Joe can’t help but smile at the woman in front of him now, who’s standing in the middle of the road. Both hands in the air, obviously loving this moment while dancing in a circle. They’re both walking down Mermaid Street, a tiny old lane that leads through the village centre of Rye. The snow that has stopped falling from the sky a few hours ago has now come back. And not just slightly. It’s falling down heavily. Massive amounts of snowflakes in his face that turn into water quickly. Thank god they’re both wearing winter boots and the thickest jackets they’ve got. Joe looks into her happy face. Her nose is slightly red but she seems fulfilled, closing her eyes once at the sensation of snowflakes on her face. He can’t believe she loves snow this much. Her excitement for these things is still as strong as it was a decade ago when he met her.
“It’s beautiful until the snow’s in your boots. And your jacket.”
“You’re a grumpy old man, you know that?”
He can’t help but laugh at her. She’s not wrong. Instead, she waits for him to catch up with her and happily reaches for his hand. Both of their gloves touching. She likes this. She likes being covered from head to toe while walking through this empty, almost lonely village far away from busy London. These old brick houses make everything even more cozy. And she likes this thought of no one here really caring about them. She likes the thought that she has the whole day ahead with him here. Just Joe and her. With nothing to do on a snowy winter day.
“Let’s go back home.” he says then. She has to giggle again and looks at him. His beard is covered in snow. He really doesn’t look too happy.
“Oh come on, let us enjoy this winter day for a bit longer. We have the entire day left to take a hot bath and fuck in this old cabin.”
He just looks at her speechless for a second. A smirk on his face. She has no filter sometimes.
“Well…The Great Poet Taylor Swift has spoken.”
Taylor giggles again, gets a bit closer to him while walking down the road through the snow. She gushes at him, smiles warmly as she hugs his arm. But instead, Joe slowly lets go off her to be able to place his arm properly around her. She appreciates his gesture. She appreciates it a lot.
“Where are we going by the way?” she mumbles after a while, the snow that falls onto her not really getting less. She is really focused on the ground underneath her now, a bit worried that she might slip and fall as a lot of ice has built up on the old cobble stone street.
“I originally wanted to show you the famous Rye Castle. But.. I’m thinking maybe the pub it is?” he suddenly stops walking and points to the pub at the corner right next to them. As much as Taylor loves to visits national monuments from the thirteenth century - the warm light radiating from this pub looks a lot more like what she needs in this moment. A dry and warm place to recover from the snow. A good drink. Getting rid of her beanie that is fully covered in snow by now.
“Do you think people would..”
Joe slowly looks down at her. He’s not surprised that she’s hesitant.
“It’s Christmas Day. I would be surprised if anyone is even in there.”
Taylor nods. She signals him that they should just take a peak inside. Within fifteen seconds, Joe has opened the door to the old pub and the warmth in Taylor’s face makes her smile instantly. The entire place is being heated up by the fire place at the end of the establishment. Old paintings from what seems to the the thirteenth century are gracing the walls. The wooden floor creaking under her as Joe takes a look around. Jackpot. No other guests seem to be here today.
Taylor smiles happily, as the waiter already signals them to choose any seat they want before wishing them a Merry Christmas. Joe gives her one last look, then already makes his way to the very back of the old pub. Right until they arrive in front of the fireplace, where a dark green couch is placed facing it sideways. A little coffee table in front of them. Heaven.
“Oh my god, this is so nice.” Taylor just says happily, starts to take off her beanie, scarf and winter jacket just like Joe does. Within a few seconds, both winter jackets have been placed at the end of the couch by Joe, and Taylor has already sat down on the couch, her hands facing the fire. As Joe slowly sits down next to her, he has to laugh quietly. Her cheeks are red, her bangs a bit wet from the snow. But her hands seem to have been freezing the most. In slight pain, Taylor is trying to warm them up by holding them close to the warm air coming from the fireplace.
“Cold hands?”
She nods, as Joe already reaches for them, holds both small hands in his to warm these. He looks at her with gentle eyes, leans down to kiss her hands once that he warms so gently.
“Thanks. That’s better.” she whispers. Just in that moment, the waiter approaches them, already places two menus on the coffee table in front of the pair. After a few seconds, Joe places one last kiss on the now lukewarm hands of the blonde woman and reaches for the menu to pass it to her.
“Are you hungry?”
Taylor nods, already studies the menu card in her hands.
“I think I need a hot chocolate and a snack. Should we share some fries?”
“Sharing as in you eat two thirds of it?”
She looks at him, has to laugh already. He remembers how bad she is at sharing her food. And it hasn’t changed in the past years. It really hasn’t.
“You’re mean.” she says amusedly, still studying the food menu on her lap. “Oh my god they have scones with clotted cream and jam.” she says then, her excitement hard to be contained.
“What about we order fries and the scones?”
Joe looks up from the menu a second time today. She knows this look too well. He looks both disgusted and surprised.
“Are you pregnant again? Or should I be concerned?”
Taylor already giggles, closes the menu in her hand and places it in front of her. She’s made a decision.
“Remember the peanut butter sandwiches?”
Joe can’t help but laugh with her. How could he forget? Back when Taylor was pregnant with Eleanor he spent his days making her peanut butter sandwiches. Because for whatever reason, wheat bread (wheat toast with seeds specifically) and creamy peanut butter were the only nutrients she could keep down. So he ended up making her peanut butter toasts for when she woke up and her stomach was empty or when she had work commitments and had to leave the house for more than an hour. He’s literally spent the Vanity Fair Oscar Party with a peanut butter toast wrapped in plastic wrap in the pocket of his Gucci jacket. Simply because Taylor’s handbag was already packed with another peanut butter sandwich. And running on an empty stomach for her meant that she would end up hovering over the toilet. Something they both worked towards avoiding for months.
“I think I never had peanut butter ever again after Eleanor was born.”
Taylor laughs and nods. She looks back into Joe’s face again. His mind just went down memory lane. And so did hers.
“I really like thinking back to this time. Even though I know that it wasn’t easy.” she says then, has gotten a bit more quiet now. Joe looks surprised. He nods slowly, appreciates her words and the gentle smile on her face.
“I didn’t make it easy for you, did I?” he says then, has gotten a lot more quieter than before. He suddenly acts like he’s studying the menu, but she knows he’s not. All he does is trying to avoid her eyes in this moment. Taylor just almost starts laughing, a slight rush of air escaping her mouth. But suddenly, she realizes that he’s being serious. She cannot believe it. This is not what she meant when she said that it wasn’t an easy time. It certainly is not.
“What is that supposed to mean?” she asks him, her face fully focused on his. He doesn’t really react, slowly closes the menu though and places the paper in front of him on the coffee table again. He knows he will eventually have to look at her again, swallows once and simply does it.
“I think, I.. I was never… if it wasn’t for you, I never would’ve…”
He feels her cold hand on his. A firm grip, stopping him from further talking.
“Just… I know you were struggling at the time. But you really never ever made me feel like you didn’t want me. Or her. And.. you really worked on yourself back then. I know you did. And I know you did it cause you loved me. And her. And that always meant a lot to me.” she says, her voice strong and still emotional because his face makes her emotional. He looks apologetic. Apologetic for something she doesn’t agree with. Joe has made mistakes, yes. But that is not how she remembers this time. All she remembers from back then is that feeling of having a family, that she has never had before. That feeling of belonging she has never experienced in her life before. Waking up with flutters and butterflies in her stomach. Feeling more loved by him than ever before. This feeling of forever in her bones. A gentle breeze of unconditional support he brought into her life, day by day, minute by minute. That’s how she remembers this time.
She now feels his hand on hers, his thumb drawing circles over her hand. He looks at her, his eyes so appreciative of her words. She just shakes her head. Unbelievable how much she loves this man in front of her.
Joe takes a deep breath, smiles at her, then looks down at their intertwined hands for a minute. Her words mean a lot. More than a lot. He’s made so many mistakes. So many mistakes yet this incredible person still sits there, right next to him, looking at him as if he puts the stars into the sky. Continuing to decide to just see the good in him. Even in the person he was back then. A mess. An absolute mess.
“Thanks for loving me, back then.” he says, looks up at her and smiles gently. He’s opening up. And it brings her goosebumps.
“Thanks for never giving up on me. You really made me a better person, Tay. Even more so after leaving me. Back then. You.. you’re the reason I am who I am. If you hadn’t left me, I..” he stops, and Taylor feels nervous. The creaking of the fireplace audible in her ears.
“I grew up. Thanks to you. Everything you did, made me grow. So.. thank you.”
She looks at him, a slight smile creeping up on her face. She never expected this man to say these words to her. She never expected him to reach this newfound level of self-reflection, wisdom and confidence he has now. She’s proud of him. Proud of the twenty-five year old boy she fell in love with back then, and proud of the thirty-six year old father he is today. She has loved every ounce of him in between then and now. She didn’t know him twenty years ago, but she loves who he was back then. And she will love who he is twenty years from now. She already does. An older version of Joe. With a few more dimples in his face and the same lack of hair as his father. There’s love in between those lines, even where there was hurt once.
_______________
“Let me do that.” he says, has stood up from the side of the bed already. He doesn’t like seeing her carry her heavy suitcase from the floor onto the little side table at the end of the guest room. With her belly in front of her, she just drops the bag, a loud noise erupting as she lets the bag fall down again. Joe just stands there right next to her, a little out of place, struggling to remain upright, just watches her ignore him. She’s reaching for her pajamas and the little flower-patterned toiletry bag. Her nails painted in different colours. It pains him to feel once more how much he loves these little things.
“I know I’ve had a bit too much…”
“A bit? Interesting, Joe.” she interrupts him, still not looking at him. Joe sighs. His head is turning. He knows she’s mad. And he’s sorry. He’s sorry for making her mad. He’s sorry for being this version of himself. He would do anything to shove it away, store it under the bed and lock it in a box forever. But he can’t. This is the reality. This is how weak he really is. This baby would be screwed without her, that’s for sure. He wonders sometimes where this guy went. The guy that she fell in love with back then. The guy who was funny and kind and heroic and always broke. He must have gotten lost somewhere. Somewhere between movie sets and airplanes and time zones and camera flashes. And palm trees and properties. Playing high and playing fast. Being good, better, the best.
Joe just stops following her from where he’s standing, watches her disappear in the bathroom. She closes the door, a bit louder than per usual. Joe doesn’t say anything, just lets himself fall onto his side of the bed. With one grip, he pulls off his right shoe, just sits there in trance for another minute before taking off his left one as well. He knows it got out of hand. He knows he drank too much. The room is spinning. He’s angry. At himself. More than anything. He just sits there, his shoe still in his hand, quietly hearing the water in the bathroom running. She must be washing her face before going to bed. Joe swallows, doesn’t move. He just takes a good look at his shoe, remembers her face from before. All he can see is her face from before. The sheer disappointment mixed with shock and fear in the eyes of the person he values the most. He loves everything about her. Her bravery, her sharp mind, her kindness, her smile. Not an inch about her he would deserve. Joe feels a first tear building up in his eyes. One day, she will go. And everything will loose its meaning. Everything. Within a split seconds, the anger in him spills over. He aggressively takes the shoe, throws it at the end of the room, almost pushing over the chair that was next to the table at the end of the room. Suddenly he spies with his eyes that she had left the bathroom already. Just stands there in shock between the bathroom door and him. Her eyes following the shoe he just threw aggressively across the room. He can’t dare look into her face again, cannot take seeing these disappointed eyes for another second.
“Are you out of your mind?” she just says, this time a bit louder than before. Joe looks at her. She has changed into her pajamas already, her open hair hanging over her naked shoulders. Her make up free face as beautiful as ever and the big belly almost making her more attractive than ever before. He swallows. Fear is building up in her face. Fear and anger. He hates himself for this.
“I guess I am.” he says then, his voice almost fully gone. Taylor just stands there, feels as if her throat has stopped providing her with air. She wants to cry, because she doesn’t know who this person is. She knows he struggles. She knows his anxiety becomes unbearable sometimes, and it makes him shut down. But she’s never experienced him like this. Neglecting. Drunk. Aggressive. Cold.
“Is this how you want to be from now on? Getting fucked up alone on an airplane and throwing your shoes at me?”
Joe doesn’t say anything, his hand wandering to his eyes. He’s tired. He’s so so tired, and the floor under him is still moving. He swallows again, the sight of her bare feet and legs standing in front of him still visible in the corner of his eye. She just sighs angrily, then storms off into the bathroom again. He still covers his face in his hands. Why is this sweater so warm. So tight. Almost making it hard for him to breathe.
“You know what? You can sleep by yourself tonight. I’m not getting into bed with this person. And yes, I’m saying ‘this person’ because I have no idea who the fuck you are. Do you know how I feel right now?” she says, has just gotten her phone from the bathroom and now stands in front of him again, almost begging him to wake up from this state and become the man again who she knows so well. He can hear her voice changing. And every second passing by hurts him more and more and more.
“Disappointed.” he answers her, and she can’t even react out of shock. She is worried about him. Seriously, worried. In the past five years, she has never witnessed him like this. Not for a single second.
“I love you, Joe. But I don’t like you right now.”
He doesn’t say anything for a second, then dares to look at her once more.
“I don’t like myself either. So let’s call it even.”
Taylor just stands there, barefoot, her pajama shorts covering her long legs. Both arms crossed anxiously right over her belly. She just looks at him, desperately trying to find an answer in his face but she doesn’t. Maybe this is what everyone always warned her about. Maybe this is what ‘for better and for worse’ really means. Overcoming all the hurt and all the anger inside of her chest, she slowly lets both her arms fall out of the strong and anxious grip from before. She takes a deep breath, then takes one step closer to him. He doesn’t move, just sits there on the side of the bed, staring into white wall behind her. She slowly sits down next to him, just looks at him. Doesn’t say anything. Her belly a bit in the way, as always. She sits there in silence with him. And she can feel the pain radiating from him as her hand touches his shoulder.
“Talk to me.” she whispers. She’s not sure he’s heard her. She’s not even sure herself if she really got these words out of her mouth. It takes a lot in her, to let him treat her this way, and still take one step towards him. But this is what love is. This is what she swore herself back then, when this incredible man got into her life and saved her from destroying herself. She swore herself back then that she would do the same for him. Swore herself that she would love him no matter what. No matter how much darkness they would both have to surpass together.
“I want you to talk to me.” she says again, this time a bit louder, just to make sure he hears her properly. Just looking at his side profile brings her pain already. Because she feels how much pain he is in right now.
“Joe.” she says again, this time her left hand landing on his cheek and making him look at her. Just when she has managed to turn his face to hers, she doesn’t just notice the drunk eyes. She also notices the hot tear running down his cheek as his blue eyes look at her. She swallows.
“I’m not the guy I used to be.” he confesses in a shaking voice. “And you deserve someone who’s not a walking question mark or.. just a shell of a person.” he whispers. His breath filled with tears. His throat tightened. He’s crying, drunk crying and still trying to hide it from her. She swallows. Her hand is not moving away from his cheek. Not even an inch.
“Stop this..”
“I don’t know anymore who I am or what I want and I don’t think I can be a good father for her or a partner for you. That’s the truth.”
“Do you want me?” she asks him then, her face as close to his as humanly possible. Her nose almost touches his, and his hot tears on her hand make her skin break into goosebumps. This is the lowest she’s ever witnessed him. Ever.
“Taylor..”
“You said you don’t know anymore what you want. So I’m asking you, do you want me?”
He swallows, dares to look into her eyes. He nods. The only thing he is certain about is his feelings for her. She knew what his answer would be. There’s no anxiety in her face.
“Then let’s make sure we remind you again who you are.”
“We?”
She nods. Her forehead slowly touching his. He doesn’t know where she’s going with this but the certainty in her grip around his face makes him understand.
“You loved me when I didn’t love myself. And I love you, Joe. I love you so much. And so does your baby. You’re.. you’re always enough for me. Always. We’re three now. And you don’t need to be this idea of perfect that you have in your head. To me, you have always been perfect. Every version of you.” she whispers against his face, both her eyes closed. Just like his. He’s crying. He’s hurt her deeply yet she decides to see the good in him. She suddenly feels his chest heaving up and down. She can’t believe it. It takes less than a few seconds and he breaks down, his face pressed into her neck. He’s bawling. His big hands holding onto the fabric of her pajamas. She’s glad he’s finally allowing himself to feel what he’s feeling. She’s glad he’s opening up to her. It takes a few minutes in her arms to calm down. For his chest to move slower, and his breath to get more steady again. He feels her small hands in the back of his neck, stroking the ends of his blonde hair gently. All he feels is love and understanding. After a while, he slowly lets go off her, both her hands already in his face again, wiping away the tears from his cheeks. He knows his eyes are puffy and swollen. His worst self, sitting right in front of her.
“We will get through this together. I promise, it won’t always feel this way. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.” she says then, and Joe once more doesn’t know how he would ever deserve her in this moment. He nods. He nods because she means what she says.
“I love you.” he suddenly breathes against her, with a shaky breath and a sunken head. “And I’m so.. I’m so..” he doesn’t need to finish his sentence to make her feel just how sorry he is. She knows. She knows in the way he sits there, almost can’t take her gentle hands stroking his hair. He feels embarrassed and ashamed for how he behaved. He feels ashamed and embarrassed for not showing her his best version today. For disappointing her when she needs him the most.
“I know.” she says then, moves her thumb on his cheek once to make him look at her again. His eyes are still empty and full of pain, but the shame is too prominent for her to take. She slowly gets closer to him again, kisses him for a second. She then lets go off him and kisses him again. Just quickly. Just quick enough to make him understand that she’s okay. She understands now why he acted this way. She forgives him. She has been where he is.
“My parents do think you’re a drunk now, though. So you’ll have a lot of explaining to do.” she says then, tries to make him break a smile but fails. He just nods. he nods again and again. Not knowing if he will ever be able to fix this. Himself. Their relationship. The fact that he wasn’t who she needed this time.
“You..” he stops. He can’t find the right words. His chin is trembling again. Her hand lands in his neck. She kisses his forehead once. He doesn’t need to speak, doesn’t need to explain himself. She knows what he wants to say.
“I have something for you.” she suddenly says, and he looks at her confusedly. “I mean, it’s not like you deserve a present after this evening, but I got you something.” she says, wiping away his tears one more time before she slowly gets up and walks to her suitcase at the end of the room.
_______________
“Baby, if we want to buy some stuff for dinner we have to…” she stops for a second, even though Joe has pulled back already. He just looks at her, his skin still a bit damp from before, his hand still on her naked hips. He waits for her to say something else, but she gives in again. He grins, giggles quietly and steals her another kiss before gently pounds back into her again. She moans quietly, then louder, more and more desperate, definitely sweating by now. The fireplace in this cabin is burning since hours. She should’ve asked him to dim it a bit before they got lost with each other in this bed.
The romantic Christmas Day hike in this gorgeous tiny little village ended after a good hour and a half. They just couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Their sexual tension has always been there, but it’s almost like an old flame slowly turned into a wildfire. And Taylor wouldn’t complain. She couldn’t complain. It’s been years since she’s had sex like this. Emotional sex, good sex, giving, receiving and mind-blowingly addictive.
Joe pounds slowly into her, watches her bite her lower lip at the sensation of him inside of her. Her eyes on his, a thousand thoughts on her mind. He wants to know every single one. He wants to be able to read every dirty thought she has in this moment, wants to push her over the edge and make her feel things she’s never felt before. Taylor slowly lets herself fall back into the pillow, closes her eyes in satisfaction while rolling her head back. After a few moments she looks back into his face, and it does things to him.
“Let me.. let me be on top, please, baby.” she mumbles then, breathing heavily and Joe slowly pulls out of her before laying down next to her again. He’s breathing heavily as well, his blonde hair in all directions with this one strain of hair falling into his face. She loves this version of him. It makes her knees go weak in an instant.
“By the way, this cabin turned into a sauna.” she says, making him laugh for a second. He watches her adjust herself on top of him. His hands on her upper torso. He loves feeling the dampness radiating from her skin. He loves how bothered she is, her mascara on her cheek, her eyes full of lust and love for him.
“I like it actually.” he murmurs in a thick accent, appreciates that she lowers herself to be able to kiss him. The ends of her blonde hair tickling his neck. She tastes so good. He could get lost in her taste.
“I like it when you taste sweaty.” he adds, making the woman on top of him giggle into the kiss.
“You’re making it weird.”
He laughs again, but holds his breath after a split second as she begins her movements on top of him. He knew from the very first moment why she wants to be on top again. It’s always been her thing. Whenever she’s close to finishing, she needs to be in control of the friction between them. It’s one of these things she’s never spoken about. But he’s spent years of loving her. Years of satisfying her in any way he can. He smiles up at her from the pillow where his head rests, can feel her place her hands on top of his chest. He appreciates her riding him the way she does. Slow, but intensive. Her mouth escaping profanities.
“God fucking Jesus christ, fuck me.” she mouths then, and he can’t help but breath out some air, laughing slightly.
“Don’t. Not on Christmas. Not Jesus. You’ll go to hell.” he mouths, and she wants to laugh at his comment, but she can’t. He feels too good. She moans slowly, suddenly feels both his hands gently massaging her inner thighs. His thumbs drawing circles back and forth. Back and forth. He knows exactly what to do to get her to finish.
“Fuck, you feel so good.” she moans again, her hips gracefully moving on his lap. She’s about to loose herself on him, and Joe himself feels his lower region getting tighter and tighter as well. After a few seconds she leans closer to him, exhaustedly places her hands next to his pillow while continuing to ride him. He loves to feel her hair on his face, loves to feel the air escaping her mouth on his face. She looks so beautiful and sexy. Just looking at her like this would easily get him to finish. With closed eyes, she suddenly reaches for his left hand, places it on her full boob. She’s close. Oh, she’s so close.
“You’re gonna come for me, baby?” he breathes heavily, half breathing, half whispering with one hand on her boob and the other one guiding her hips on his. Words have always been her thing. He knows how it always pushes her over the edge to dirty talk with him, especially when she’s clearly in the mood, just like she was today. She’s been giving him this look all day today, has not even missed a single chance to brush over his bum or touch him in any way. Taylor nods, eyes still closed, her hand now securely over his on her bare breast. She doesn’t want him to let go. And she’s close. Oh so close.
“I’m gonna come.” she breathes again, struggles to form a full sentence and with eyes still closed until he feels her clutch around him. All of the sudden, she’s not able to keep her steady movements up from before. But he does the job for her, moves his hips up and down to keep the friction up. She moans loudly, almost screams down this room. Her hand around his hand, that is tightly squeezing her left boob. She lowers her head in her desperate cries, a little satisfied frown in her face until her lips finally find his. With parted lips, Joe kisses her, his tongue slowly meeting hers. He feels a moist sensation in his lower region, which increases the friction between them even more. His right hand moves onto her bare ass, then wanders slowly over her naked torso. He loves feeling her naked and damp body so close. He loves how she looses herself on him, knows damn well that he can barely contain himself at this point. Her lips still parted, she moans into the kiss, seems to be too lost in her own lust to notice him biting her lower lip gently. And it takes less than five seconds until he feels himself exploding in her. His hand on her boob clutching together as hard as hers, just a few moments ago. With closed eyes, he moans once, his right hand now in her hair. She knows exactly what to do to finish him off in the most satisfying way. Her eyes still closed, she continues riding him slowly a few times. So long, and so slow until she collapses on his body. She feels his exhausted breathing, and so does he. That’s when he can already hear her giggling into his neck. The mess he’s just made slowly dripping out of her. He starts to smile, his hand now securely on her head, caressing her hair up and down while they both try to come back down to earth again. Two hearts that beat extra fast and the heat of their bodies radiating from them.
“Fuck, that was…” she stops, her legs feel to weak to move properly. “That was the best holiday fuck. Ever.” she finishes her sentence, making him laugh quietly. He feels the exhaustion as much as her, notices only now how sweaty they both really are.
“We should do this every Christmas from now on. A sex holiday. With no kids or family. Just sex. Lots of sex.”
He laughs again, before it gets more quiet again. They have both just pushed each other to their limits. The best exhaustion in the air. He closes his eyes for a second, loves that he is able to notice how her breathing slows down. Nothing but the creaking of the fireplace in his ears. He can feel Taylor move then. She slowly lifts her head up from his shoulder and looks at him for the first time since she finished. Her bangs are sticky on her forehead and she’s got this healthy flush on her face while he’s still physically inside of her. A sense of intimacy in the air that gives him goosebumps. He never wants to share these moments with anyone else ever again. Intimacy is for him and Taylor. He could never ever be that close to someone else. And frankly, has he ever truly been before?
“I love this. Every bit of this.” he smiles into her face and she does the same, gets closer to him, tickles his nose with hers for a second before giving his lips a gentle kiss.
“My sex god.”
He can’t help but laugh again. She’s the master in being an absolute weirdo after intimate moments like these. His hand now brushing her bangs from her forehead. She’s hot. He can feel that. The sweat in her face being the most attractive thing he’s ever witnessed. He continues smiling at her from where he’s laying, the satisfied smile on his face more evident than anything ever before.
“Want me to turn down the fireplace a bit?” he says, as she breathes out exhaustedly. She really is hot, and he wants her to be comfortable after all. Taylor just nods, appreciates the offer. But what she doesn’t like is the fact that she now has to roll down from his body again, to let him leave the bed for a second. She steals him one last sloppy kiss, then slowly pushes herself out of him. As she hovers over him, she looks down on herself, and then back up at him in shock. He’s already smirking.
“Did you notice that I became a fountain when I…”
“I did. Trust me.”
She grins, knows exactly that she would be extremely embarrassed if this was anyone else but Joe. But with him, it’s just different. He has seen her give birth. He has seen her body in sickness, in health and everything in between. There’s nothing she could physically do to make him not find her attractive anymore. That’s the type of confidence she definitely has when it comes to him. She slowly lets herself fall onto the damp sheets, watches him leave the bed to walk closer to the fireplace in the living room of this old cabin. Thank god, they have pulled the curtains back before engaging in these activities in the last hour. Taylor just lays there, on top of the bedsheets, naked, admiring the naked man in front of her who is busy working on the fireplace. His most intimate parts dangling nakedly between his legs. She has to grin. Why is she able to have the most animalistic sex ever, and then turn into a little kid five seconds later who has to smirk about genitals?
“What time is it?” she asks from bed then, hasn’t moved her head a bit yet. She’s exhausted. Her body feels satisfied but deeply exhausted. She could pass out and fall asleep right here if she wanted to. But the blonde, naked man just walks back towards her.
“Late. Very late. I think shops might be closed already.”
She sighs. Of course their mindless afternoon fuck would have it’s consequences. No dinner. On Christmas Day.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get you fed. A nice McDonald’s dinner by the motorway perhaps? We can also get it as take out and turn this cabin into a candle light dinner to make it more festive.”
She can’t help but giggle at him, as he’s already crawled back into bed with her. As naked as he was before, Joe slowly hovers over her, then leans in to kiss her gently as he can already feel her hug him like a panda. It’s hard to put into words how happy he is. It’s hard to put into words what it’s like living in a day dream. What it’s like to realize that things can go right sometimes. What it’s like to realize that she was always right. It was always him.
“Merry Christmas, my sweet love.” she whispers against his lips and Joe smiles at her cheesiness. She would never say things like this. Unless it’s in bed. In the middle of the night and she feels close enough to him to open up and be as soft as she really is. “A year ago, I never thought this would ever happen to be honest.” she adds whispering. Her small fingers already stroking his beard up and down.
Joe swallows, then takes a deep breath. He’s still on top of her naked but warm body. He nods slowly, looks deeply into her eyes before stealing her nose a gentle kiss. He knows it’s time for this. He knows there’s nothing in between them anymore.
“Did you.. did you mean what you said last night?”
Taylor still looks directly into his blue eyes while laying underneath him on the white pillow of this old bed. He’s fully ready and prepared to find her freaking out now, but the opposite is happening. He did not expect that. She just nods gently, still stroking his cheek. Her eyes looking into his. He feels as if they’re one right now. Has never felt closer to her ever before.
“I did. Yeah.”
“So you.. you want to get married?”
Taylor takes a deep breath, her hand still caressing him. He doesn’t know if he’s tripping, but he feels as if her hand on his skin is shaky all of the sudden. She swallows for once, Joe’s hand has already wandered to her face. He strokes her cheek gently. She’s nervous. He didn’t want to cause this discomfort.
“That was a bit direct, I didn’t…”
“No, it’s.. it’s fine. I…”
She’s looking for words. It’s the first time she’s ever done that. Her. The most communicative and lyrically skilled person on this planet.
“I feel like.. I feel like life gave us a taste of.. what could have been, you know?”
“What do you mean?” he asks quietly, still stroking the soft skin in her face. He can’t really follow her words, doesn’t properly understand what she’s trying to tell him with this.
“If we.. if we would not work out. There was.. there was Naomi and.. and Robert, and.. we were okay, right?”
He suddenly understands. He nods. Just the thought of the past years hurts him physically. Especially now that he’s laying in her arms. In this warmth. Her breath on his. Her hand on his bare chest.
“We were okay, yeah.”
Taylor takes a pause, then tries to form words again that, for the first time, don’t seem to come naturally to her.
“I used to think I couldn’t live without you. Turns out I can. But.. I just feel like, it’s not worth it.”
He smiles. She put it very well. Life without each other is not worth it, not really. Not being together was not the solution.
“That’s why.. I’m not saying that we have to get married tomorrow but… I just have these dreams of our lives. I still have them, Joe. Just like back then.” she says, almost apologetic for the fact that she feels herself getting emotional while she lays here on this pillow, under him, and as naked as can be. A small tears escapes her eye, slowly dripping over the side of her face and getting caught up in her blonde hair. He doesn’t know if this is the aftermath of her watering eyes during sex or if this is her love for him. Her love for him that has boiled up on her chest and overwhelmed her slowly. Joe gets closer to her. His nose touching hers. He wants to kiss her once, but it wouldn’t do justice to what actually needs to be done.
“I.. I have to show you something.” he suddenly whispers against her lips. He looks serious, all of the sudden. Serious but assured. Confident almost. A bit confused over the fact that he just left the bed, just ended this intimate moment so abruptly, Taylor looks after him. She then sits up a little bit as she finds him walk back to her. The white sheets covering her torso, her hair still damp on her face. Joe slowly sits down in front of her again, this time with something in his hand.
She holds her breath.
He sits there, naked, a black little box in his hand.
She just looks at him, but there’s no nervousness in his eyes. The calmest calm she’s witnessed in his face. She doesn’t speak, doesn’t move, just watches him open the box. In front of her, the most beautiful vintage diamond ring. No opal shape, no special embellishments. Just a round, gorgeous diamond ring that sparkles brightly. She looks at the ring, then at him. He still doesn’t speak. He just takes out the ring of the box.
“I.. I have this ring since.. since November four years ago.”
She swallows again. She doesn’t know what to say.
“You.. you gave me this vintage watch when.. before Eleanor was born. And.. it had Three Musketeers engraved on the inside. Right after the most horrible Thanksgiving dinner of your life. And.. I’ll never forget this moment because it meant the world to me. Because I.. I was lost. I was lost in myself and my life, but.. you and Eleanor.” he stops then, takes an emotional and lets out a good breath of air because he’s still amazed by this feeling when talking about it.
“You and Eleanor made me feel this… this purpose. Like.. I am something. I am someone. You really taught me how to love, Tay. Both of you. And with every day passing by, you...” Joe stops, scratches his beard. He’s getting emotional. His eyes still on the ring in his hands. Suddenly, his words are gone. Because words can’t do justice for what he feels right now.
“I got you this ring a week before.. before you…” he stops again, his voice almost breaking. He can’t dare to look into her face again. Instead, his gaze is fully focused on the ring in his hands.
“I wanted you to know that I was still holding onto who we were before Eleanor was in your belly. Who I wanted to be for you and her. I was never perfect, and I’m still not perfect. But I wanted to be better for you. Not just for you, but for me. And…” he stops again, cannot stop looking at the diamond in his hand. It’s not just a ring. It’s as fundamental as the love he carried around with himself for the past four years.
“I want to grow old with you. And I want our children to grow up with us. And I want you to be my wife. And I.. I promise, this time I will be your partner. Your husband, if you want that.”
Taylor just sits there, tears streaming down her face. He only notices the smile under her tears once he stopped speaking. She doesn’t move, just reaches for his hand. She’s shaking, her hand sweatier than ever. She holds his hand for a bit, looks into his eyes, then takes the ring from his hand and takes a good look.
“You already are my partner, Joe.” she says crying, swallows once, then looks back up at him and smiles.
“But I would like you to be my husband, too. I really would like that a lot.”
#Christmasbound#fanfiction#fanfic#taylor swift fanfiction#joe and taylor#taylor swift#joe and taylor fanfiction#joe alwyn#joe and tay#love#lovers#london
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The Show Must Go On
The early afternoon sun filters through the gauzy curtains, casting a soft glow over the plush hotel room. Taylor lies curled up under the covers, lost in a deep sleep when her phone starts ringing, jolting her awake. She fumbles for it on the nightstand and groggily answers, her voice thick with sleep.
"Hi" she mumbles, trying to shake off the fog of sleep, but still not able to open her eyes and struggling to move her body, she puts her phone on speaker in the pillow next to her and takes a deep breath.
"Hey love, how are you?" Joe's voice came through the phone, soft and gentle.
"´m so tired," she replies, sinking her head back in the pillows, not able to form a full sentence just yet. But still wanting nothing more than to hear his voice and talk to him. Days after a late night playing a three-hour concert should be spent doing nothing but sleeping in his warm arms, there is no doubt there. And that had been the plan – he was supposed to be there that weekend in Vegas, but filming had been moved a few weeks back, so they had to be separated for a little bit longer. He hadn’t even been able to watch the show yet. She lets out a loud yawn and cuddles herself further into the warm bed.
Joe chuckles. "Sleeping in until 4 in the afternoon, huh? You must have really tired yourself out last night." He´s used to her sleeping habits; she´s definitely not a morning person. But he has to admit that today she set a new record, he has been trying to call her for at last two hours now.
Taylor can't help but smile at his teasing. "Yeah, I guess I did." He then asks her about the show, and she starts telling him all the details about the crowd, how loud they were, and how much fun she had performing. As she spoke, Joe couldn't help but notice the raspiness in her voice and the occasional sniffle.
"Are you feeling okay, love?" he asks, concern creeping into his voice.
Taylor hesitates for a moment, then shrugs it off. "Yeah, I'm just still a little tired, that's all."
Joe isn't convinced, but he doesn't press the issue. Instead, he suggests she makes herself some honey and lemon tea and takes it easy for the rest of the day.
"Take care of yourself, love," he says, his voice soft with affection. "I'll talk to you soon."
Taylor smiles to herself as she hangs up the phone. Even from thousands of miles away, Joe always knows just what she needs to hear. She snuggles back under the covers, and starts dozing off again.
______________
The next few days, Taylor takes it easy and tries to rest, but there are still meetings with her team to go through feedback and polish up parts of the show. Despite feeling a little under the weather, she pushes through rehearsals.
On Tuesday afternoon, Andrea, Scott, and Tree come to check on her in the middle of the dance rehearsal. Taylor greets them with a small smile, but Andrea immediately notices the tiredness in her daughter's eyes.
"You look exhausted, honey," Andrea says, placing a hand on Taylor's arm.
"I'm fine, Mom," Taylor replies, "it´s just a little cold."
"Have you been taking anything for it?" Tree asks.
"Just some over-the-counter stuff," Taylor answers, shrugging her shoulders.
Scott frowns. "Maybe you should take a break, Tay. You don't want to push yourself too hard."
Taylor shakes her head. "I'm okay, Dad. We still have rehearsals to go through."
But as the day went on, Taylor began to feel worse. Her body ached and her throat was scratchy. She tried to ignore it and push through rehearsals, but her voice was becoming hoarse and she had to stop frequently to cough.
Andrea watched her daughter with growing concern. "Maybe we should call it a day and let you rest."
"I can't, Mom," Taylor protested. "We have so much to go through before the show tomorrow."
Andrea sighed. "I know, but your health comes first. Let's go back to the hotel and you can rest for a bit. We'll pick it up again tomorrow."
Taylor reluctantly agreed, feeling guilty for slowing down the process. As they made their way back to the hotel, Andrea chatted with Taylor about other things to take her mind off the stress of the upcoming shows.
______________
She is lying in her bed, sniffling and coughing, with her phone in her hand, talking to Joe. "I'm just so worried that my voice is going to give up on me in the middle of the show," she says, her voice hoarse.
Joe's reassuring voice comes through the phone, "You'll be amazing. Just take it easy, drink some tea, and rest your voice as much as possible. You got this."
As Taylor is talking to Joe, Andrea enters the room with a tray of soup and medicine. Taylor looks up at her, her face full of concern. "Mom, I don't want you to get sick too. You need to stay healthy," she says.
But Andrea just smiles and places the tray on the nightstand. "Don't worry about me, sweetie. I'm here to take care of you. I promise I´m okay”. Taylor looks at her hesitant, knowing that her mother's immune system is still compromised from her current treatment. She really doesn't want to risk getting her mother sick.
Suddenly Taylor's phone buzzes again with a message from Tree, reminding her to take it easy and rest her voice. Taylor rolls her eyes, "I know, I know. I'm doing my best." She knows everybody means well and obviously they all want her to get better, but she just feels so much pressure and everybody nagging on her and trying to take make her feel better it´s just adding up to that and making her feel even more nervous.
Andrea sits on the edge of the bed and places a hand on Taylor's forehead. "You're burning up, sweetheart. You need to rest," she says with concern in her voice.
Taylor tries to sit up and get away from her mother´s touch, and as she is about to tell her to not get close to her again, Andrea looks at her sternly and gently pushes her back down. "I'll take care of you. Just relax and let me do my job."
Taylor watches as her mother fluffs her pillows and tucks her in, making sure she's comfortable. "Mom, you don't have to do this. I'm fine," Taylor protests.
But Andrea just shakes her head, "I'm your mother. It's my job to take care of you. Now, eat your soup and take your medicine. And stop arguing."
“Thanks, Mom.” Taylor whispers quietly, giving her a small smile as she hears Joe´s light chuckles at their interaction.
As Andrea leaves the room, Taylor looks down at the tray of food and medicine. She takes a sip of the soup, enjoying the warmth and comfort it brings to her throat. Joe's voice comes through the phone again, having been watching the whole interaction through the phone screen "Hey, you didn’t tell me you had a fever".
Taylor sniffles and takes another sip of soup, "It´s not that bad. I´m just so worried about tomorrow." He looks at her worriedly trough the phone. Her eyes are so small, red cheeks, even redder nose, bed hair so messy and her favorite cat pajamas. He knows he should be there. Knows that there´s nothing worse for her than to feel the pressure of thousands of people having paid a ticket to see the show when she doesn’t feel capable of doing it. And he just wants to be there for her, to hug her and comfort her and make her feel better.
"You're going to be amazing, love. I know it. And if your voice gives out, we'll just have the crowd sing the songs for you instead." He tries to loosen the mood and hears her chuckle through the screen. He is glad he´s been able to get a smile out of her, even if it´s small. The last days have left her so stressed that he just wants to try and light her up a little bit.
They continue talking for a while, Taylor sipping on her soup and sniffling occasionally. Joe tells her stories of the past days and funny moments on set, trying to keep her mind off of her cold and the upcoming performance. Eventually, Taylor's energy starts to wane, and she knows she needs to rest.
"I think I need to get some rest," she says, starts to feel her eyes getting heavy and her voice starting to fade.
Joe's voice is soothing, "Get some sleep, babe. I'll talk to you tomorrow before the show. And remember, you got this."
______________
She wakes up slowly, feeling like a truck run over her body, but luckily her fever has finally broken overnight. Taylor takes a deep breath and tries to calm herself down, knowing that she has to push through and deliver a great show tonight. So, she gets up and makes herself some tea with honey, hoping that it will magically, somehow, make her voice sound better. She can't help but worry about how it will hold up during the three-hour show, and knows that it probably won’t, but she tries to stay positive, knowing that there´s nothing more she can do now than to try and save as much energy as possible.
She arrives at the venue early for rehearsal, and is greeted by the sound of the band warming up. Tree comes to see her and ask her how she´s feeling, reminding her to stay on total vocal rest until showtime. She nods and tries to smile and ease everybody’s worries a little bit. During rehearsal, she watches her team work through the songs, mentally taking notes on where to focus her energy during the show. She feels a bit restless, wishing she could sing and test out her voice, but she knows that resting is the best thing for her right now.
As soundcheck begins, Taylor follows along silently, watching her dancers and bandmates perform their parts. She moves her lips along with the words but doesn't sing out loud, trying to preserve her voice as much as possible for the show.
But about halfway through, Taylor starts to feel worse. Her head is hurting terribly, and her energy is draining fast. She pulls her team aside and tells them that she needs to stop the rehearsal early to rest and save her energy for the show.
"Hey guys, I'm feeling a little run down," she tells the small crew of people. "I think I need to take a break." Her team obviously understood and encouraged her to take all the time she needed to rest and feel better. Taylor spends the rest of the day taking care of herself, sipping on hot tea and honey, and using throat sprays and cough drops to soothe her sore throat.
______________
Taylor wakes up from her nap, feeling slightly disoriented. She opens her eyes and blinks a few times, trying to get her bearings. She notices that the lights are dimmed in the dressing room, and the room is quiet except for occasional muffled sounds of people talking outside. She feels warm and cozy under the blankets and doesn't want to get up.
Suddenly, she feels a hand on her shoulder, gently shaking her awake. She jumps a little, surprised by the sudden touch. She turns around to see Joe standing next to her, a small smile on his lips.
"Hey stranger," Joe whispers, leaning as he bends down to kiss her on the forehead. Taylor blinks her eyes open and squints, trying to make sense of the figure in front of her. It takes a few seconds, but when she realizes who it's, she lets out a gasp.
"Oh my God," she says, sitting up straight and rubbing her eyes. "What are you doing here?" she asks, still trying to shake off the grogginess of sleep.
"I came to surprise you," Joe replied, his arms wrapped around her. "I wanted to see my favorite artist” Joe grins at her, his eyes twinkling mischievously.
Taylor's heart swells with affection as she gazes into Joe's warm brown eyes. She feels a sudden rush of energy, invigorated by his presence.
"I've missed you so much," she says, pulling him in for a hug. "I'm so glad you're here." They embrace for a long moment, savoring each other's warmth and closeness. Taylor feels a sense of comfort and security in Joe's arms, as if nothing in the world can touch her. She can feel his warmth seeping into her body, and she feels herself relaxing into his embrace.
They sit like that for a few moments, just holding each other. Taylor feels herself starting to drift off again, but she forces herself to stay awake. She needs to get ready for the show, and she can't afford to be late.
"Okay," Taylor says, pulling away from Joe's embrace. "What time is it? I need to get ready." She says, dreading having to get up and away from this warm embrace.
Joe nods, understanding. "Don’t worry, you still have two hours left before the show starts. Do you need any help?" he asks, and she takes a good look at Joe's face, taking in every detail. She's missed him so much, and having him here with her makes her feel a thousand pounds lighter, she feels so much better already. She leans in and gives him a soft kiss on the lips, savoring the feeling of his warmth against her.
"Actually, yes," she says, looking at him directly into his eyes. "I could use another hug." She smiles sheepishly making grabby hands towards him again.
Joe grins, "I've got you," he whispers into her hair, taking in the moment he had been waiting for weeks.
"Thank you for coming," she whispers, burying her face in his chest. "I really needed this."
"I missed you too much," Joe says, kissing her on the forehead. "How are you feeling?", he asks quietly trying to gauge if her warmth comes from a fever or not.
"So much better now," Taylor says giving him the sweetest smile, sniffling a little she quickly pulls away from him feeling a fresh wave of coughs tickling her throat, burying her head into her elbow. She wipes her nose and she quickly turns away to grab a tissue from the box on the coffee table, but he beats her to it and hands it to her.
“I can see that”, he tells her sarcastically while passing her the tissues “Here, love”
"I'm sorry," she said, her cheeks reddening. "I'm so disgusting," she says as she takes a few tissues and blows her nose softly, feeling a little self-conscious about being gross in front of him.
“You´re not” Joe reassures her as he hugs her back, squeezing her gently as they rock back and forth. They stay like that for a few moments, just enjoying the comfort of each other's presence.
Their moment is suddenly cut short as a knock on the door interrupts them. Joe pulls away and they both turn to watch Tree enter the dressing room.
"How are you feeling, darling?" Tree asks with concern in her voice.
Taylor shrugs and coughs, holding up the box of tissues. "Not great, to be honest. But I think I'll be fine; my voice feels stronger"
Tree nods in understanding and starts giving Taylor instructions about the show. "You need to start getting ready, sweetheart. The team is already waiting for you, and we need to make sure you are ready for the performance." Taylor takes a deep breath and gets up from the couch, her energy slowly returning as the dressing room quickly fills up with hairdressers, make-up artists, and costume people. They move around her, working quickly to get her ready for the show.
"Let's do this" She says quietly to herself, taking a deep breath and trying to focus.
______________
As she takes on the stage, she can feel the adrenaline pumping through her veins, and the audience is entranced. She feels their energy feeding into her performance. The crowd can obviously tell she is sick, as she keeps coughing and wiping her nose in between songs and taking sips of water frequently. But despite her illness, she still manages to give an incredible performance, pouring her heart and soul into every note. Her team watches her with admiration, knowing how much she has been struggling in the days leading up to the show.
After the show, Taylor is exhausted but elated. She knows that she has given the audience everything she had, and their enthusiastic response made it all worth it. As she walks off the stage, she sees Joe waiting for her with a big smile on his face.
"Great job, babe," he whispers into her ear, wrapping his arms around her. "You were amazing up there."
Taylor leans into his embrace, feeling grateful for his support. "Thanks," she says quietly, a little hoarse from all the singing and coughing. "I don't know how I managed to pull it off, but I'm glad it went well."
Joe hands her a water bottle. "You were a trooper," he says, kissing her forehead. "Let's get you back to the hotel so you can rest up."
Taylor nods, feeling a sense of relief that the show is over and she can finally rest. She knows that it was not her best show, clearly, but she gave it her all, and the fans' support made it all worth it.
She starts falling asleep in the car, exhausted but feeling so grateful for the man next to her. As she looks over at him sitting next to her, she knows that she has everything she needs, this is truly all she wants.
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Queen Polyweek 2023 Masterlist
Rated Gen
All at Once Joe Fanelli/Jim Hutton/Freddie Mercury (G) by @your-one-day-ecstasy
Colossal Love John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor (G) by @freddie-mercury-rising
if you say the word I could stay with you John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor (G) by @queenies-bug
Made for the Sky John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor (G) by @queenies-bug
Sunburnt Whiteboy and Seagull Feet Flavour: A Series of Unfortunate Events at the Beach John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor (G) by @shewas-agaystripper
the worse ppl to be trapped with or the best John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor (G) by @queenies-bug
Rated Teen&up
Everything's All Right John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor (T) by @mysticanni
I Wanna Dance With Somebody Joe Fanelli/Jim Hutton/Freddie Mercury (T) by @your-one-day-ecstasy
Love Had A Bad Reaction John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor (T) by @mysticanni
Maybe This Time John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor, Jim Hutton/Freddie Mercury, John Deacon/Jim Hutton/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor (T) by @your-one-day-ecstasy
Sometimes revenge is a long con Adam Lambert/Brian May/Roger Taylor (T) by @moriarty-sisters
Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter...and Spring John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor (T) by @carrrothead-vol2
Stay With Me (You're All I Need) John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor (T) by @your-one-day-ecstasy
Stealing More than Gold John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor (T) by @queenies-bug
To Learn To Care For Each Other John Deacon/Crystal Taylor/Roger Taylor (T) by @mysticanni
When Words Fail Adam Lambert/Brian May/Roger Taylor (T) by @moriarty-sisters
You Make Me Wonder John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor (T) by @mysticanni
Rated Mature
English Country Gardens John Deacon/Brian May/Roger Taylor (M) by @belladonnic-haze
I'll Cruella DeVille you John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor (M) by @carrrothead-vol2
The Ridge Farm Game John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor, John Deacon/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor, John Harris/Roger Taylor (M) by @dendjustice
The tales of John, Roger and Veronica John Deacon/Roger Taylor/Veronica Tetzlaff (M) by @eileen-crys
Rated Explicit
It's Too Darn Hot Adam Lambert/Brian May/Roger Taylor (E) by @moriarty-sisters
Young Poor and Crazy Brian May/Roger Taylor/Robert Plant (E) by @deacon-deacoff
Art
Hanahaki Disease Brian by @sunnymeddows
Hanahaki Disease flowers by @sunnymeddows
Polyamory: because it takes a village to keep this idiot in line @sunnymeddows
Cyberpunk Roger by @sunnymeddows
Brian at the Met Gala by @carrrothead-vol2
#go and check out those amazing works!#queen fanfiction#queen fanart#queen rpf#queenpolyweek2023#queen fandom event#roger taylor#brian may#freddie mercury#john deacon#adam lambert#jim hutton#joe fanelli#veronica tetzlaff#john harris#queen#queen band
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my fav pass time rn is associating taylor swift songs w my fav eddie munson fanfics
#eddie munson#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson fanfiction#eddie munson fic#eddie munson fluff#rockstar eddie munson#rockstar eddie#bat eddie munson#joe quinn#professor joseph quinn#taylor swift#taylornation#speak now#speak now taylor’s version#older eddie munson#older!eddie#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson smut#eddie x reader#eddie x you#eddie stranger things#eddie munson x reader
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#fanfics#x reader#stranger things#steve harrington x reader#fem!reader#joe keery#steve harrington#female!reader#joe keery x reader#steve harrington x female!reader#steve harrington x fem!reader#steve harrington fanfiction#stranger things x reader#Taylor swift#swifties
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Traveling For Work (Submission)
[[So sorry it has taken me ages to write anything new! I graduated recently and have been busy with celebrations and health issues. Here is a little something until I can finish up the New Family Member series!]]
Part One
“I just hate leaving when she is so upset. It breaks my heart,” she said tearfully into the phone. They made sure to always talk on the phone or FaceTime whenever one was away, but this time Taylor was crying and feeling awful about how she left Joe and their daughter Ella.
“Darling, don’t do this to yourself. She’s perfectly calm now. I would tell you if something was wrong and you needed to get back to us,” Joe said slowly, hoping his words would calm Taylor and help make her feel less guilty.
Taylor nodded her head and took a deep breath before wiping her tears and looking back into the camera. “I know, I know you’re right but it’s so hard to leave to begin with, let alone when she’s so worked up and upset. Maybe I should cut this trip short, I can't keep traveling and leaving her in that state for you to deal with. It's not fair to her, and it's not fair to you either." Taylor said feeling herself getting emotional again.
"Taylor," Joe said to grab her attention so she would listen to him.
Taking a deep breath Taylor looked back into the camera and gave Joe her full attention.
"Love, look, she is fast asleep. She had a rough day knowing you'd be leaving. And despite all of our efforts to prepare her for it, she just wasn't able to keep it together. It's not a reflection on you, or me or even her. She's a little girl still learning to deal with emotions and how to properly express them. Not all of us can put our feelings so eloquently into words like you." Joe explained to Taylor calmly, knowing she was exhausted from a long day of traveling and the anxiety that was built up from their daughter's melt down when it was time to leave.
"Trust me Darling, she's fine. I know it was difficult for you to leave that way, but she was fine after a little while. Trust me, take a look for yourself," Joe said with a grin before he got up from his seat and began walking through their home.
Taylor watched Joe carefully on the screen as he walked through the hallway as she controlled her breathing now that she was much calmer thanks to Joe. She knew he was headed to their daughters room so stayed quiet, but continued to watch intensely.
Joe slowly opened the bedroom door and peeked inside before he looked back into the camera at Taylor with a grin before putting his finger to his lips to remind her to stay quiet.
Carefully Joe took a few steps inside their daughter's room and flipped the camera's view to allow Taylor to see. Joe walked around her bed so they could both get a better view of her sleeping. Her room was still illuminated from the string lights that glowed and twinkled softly around her. The lights allowed her to still sleep soundly, but also gave her room just enough light to keep her from being scared of the dark. She had insisted to her parents that she didn't need a nightlight anymore and that she was no longer afraid of the dark, but she somehow managed to crawl back into her parents bed whenever she was scared to be alone in her dark room.
Neither Joe or Taylor were too concerned about her fear of the dark as they both had been the same way when they were younger, but eventually they grew out of it. It was Taylor that suggested the twinkling string lights be added to her room, though she embellished the idea of how pretty they would look in her room at night. Taylor had shown her how pretty the lights glowed and Joe gave ideas of where in her room they could hang them in order to get her on board with the idea. That night she was so excited to sleep in her own room that Joe and Taylor gave themselves a pat on the back for successfully getting their daughter back into her own bed.
Joe carefully pushed the hair out of his daughter's face and lowered the phone so Taylor could get a better view. He left the camera there for a few moments before moving again. He flipped the camera once more and smiled seeing Taylor smile at the view. "See? Sound asleep. She looks like a little angel, doesn't she?" Joe asked at a whisper with a chuckle as his the memory of their daughter screaming and crying just a few hours early. Neither he nor Taylor would have described her behavior as angel-like but they understood she was very upset knowing Taylor would be leaving town for a few days only to return and have Joe leave right after. Joe adjusted the blankets around her and made sure she was safe and sound before he quietly exited the room.
Taylor was smiling again, and nodded her head. "Thank you babe, I really did need to see her like that. The last picture I have in my head of her crying was eating away at me, but seeing her so calm and angelic like was exactly what I needed." She said now that she felt much better with the situation.
"I'm glad, Darling," Joe smiled back at Taylor through the camera. "I promise we will give you a ring in the morning once she wakes up, but I wanted to make sure you were doing well and had made it to Perth safely.
Nodding her head with a smile, "Yes. It was hard to get any sleep during the flight because of how guilty I felt but, I did get a few hours and still have some time to rest before getting to work here. But thank you so much. I already miss you both so much and knowing you have to leave just as I get back is killing me." Taylor sighed with a frown.
"I know Love, I hate it too, but I have to for the press tour." He said, shaking his head. They were always so careful with how they planned their work schedules, but occasionally things like this would happen.
When Ella was younger it was much easier to travel together, but as she got older and relied on a schedule Joe and Taylor did everything in their power to maintain that consistency when they would only be away from each other for one to two days.
"I know babe. We will be fine, but I know I'll be counting down the days until we are all together again." She grinned softly, causing Joe to smirk.
"Well, we will have one night together when you get back and before I leave in the morning, we'll make that night count." He chuckled, causing Taylor to laugh and roll her eyes.
"Oh I'm sure we will." She continued to laugh and shake her head. Joe smiled hearing her laugh. He rubbed his eyes quickly before looking at her beauty once more.
"Babe you look so tired, I'm going to let you go. Get some rest because I'm sure Ellie will be awake earlier than you think. Plus I'm going to freshen up a bit and rest before meeting with the team here." Taylor said as saw how tired Joe looked. She was sure Joe had a rough day trying to console Ella after she left, then kept her busy for the rest of the day and she knew he needed to get some sleep too.
"Very well Love," Joe sighed and nodded his head and stifled a yawn. "I hope your day goes well, we'll talk in a few hours, but just remember how much we love and miss you here. I'm sure you'll be as brilliant as ever. I love you." He said sincerely wishing he could give her a hug and kiss.
"Love you too. Give Ellie my love in the morning, and we'll talk soon. Love you and sleep well," Taylor added, blowing him a kiss before the call ended.
Joe smiled back at Taylor before ending the call. He put his phone down on the nightstand and let out a sigh. He was tired, and though he was used to having to be away from each other for work, it still felt odd to go to bed without Taylor beside him. Joe did his night time rituals, brushing his teeth and changing out of his clo before doing one last check on Ella. Carefully he opened the door to see her still sleeping soundly. He watched her breathe for a moment before placing a soft kiss on her head. He smiled watching her sleep so sweetly, looking so much like Taylor. He again fixed her blanket and covered her carefully once more before stepping back out.
Joe got into bed and looked over his work schedule for the next few days, making sure he was prepared for the upcoming press tour. Once he felt confident he was prepared he closed up the laptop and placed it on the nightstand. He had a few more days to prepare for the tour, but he wanted to make sure the next two days he was able to spend time with his daughter. He made a few plans to take her out and how to keep her busy that he knew she would enjoy. Joe wanted to make sure to keep her busy and allow her to enjoy some one-on-one time with her father before he had to travel again.
Deciding to turn in for the night, Joe sent Taylor one last text to tell her how much he loved and missed her. Putting his phone on the charger he turned off the lights and sat into bed thinking about what he and Ella would do in the morning before sleep caught up to him.
#submission#taylor and joe fanfiction#taylor swift + joe alwyn#one shot#joe alwyn#taylor swift#parents#apart#long distance
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People I currently write for!
If you plan to make a request please look and make sure it is someone I still write for, my hyperfixations change a lot so soon I once wrote about I may not write about anymore! Please keep this in mind as you make a request and if you have a question about this list please let me know! Please know I am fine with writing smut and anything else for all of these people/ characters!
•last updated January 25th, 2024
☆Musicians☆
John Deacon
Brian May
Roger Taylor
Brian Jones
☆Actors☆
Joe Mazzello
Ben Hardy
Gwilym Lee
Rami malek
☆Film and TV show characters☆
Eugene Sledge
Pat Murray
Gardner Langway
Charles Harper
Warren worthington iii
Oliver jones
Four/Billy
☆Book Characters☆
Aaron Warner
Coriolanus Snow
Sejanus Plinth
☆Other☆
Billy the Kid
#fanfiction#david bowie#fluff#brian jones#mick#rolling stones#the rolling stones#classic rock#keith#Angel#joe mazzello#roger taylor#brian may#eugene sledge#gardner langway#pat murray#queen#oliver jones#charles harper#wooly boys#bohemian rhapsody#gwilym lee#john deacon
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Speak Now
pairing: Steve Harrington x FemReader
warnings: fluff, language, mentions of heart ache, mentions of past trauma, angst.
summary: based off the song Speak Now by Taylor Swift, in honor of Taylor’s version dropping today. Listening to it today I thought of this and I just couldn’t help myself. I rushed and the writing is sloppy, but it’s still cute 💜 I just had to do it to celebrate. For a very basic description the reader crashes Steve’s wedding, enjoy xx
word count: 2,080
Masterlist
7/7/89
It had been three years since you had received a letter from him. Three years almost exactly. Three years since he gave up writing because you never wrote back. Yet this time the letter was in a purple envelope, sealed with a gold wax stamp, and cursive writing in dainty loops across the corner. Not the normal chicken scratch you were used too. Yet there it was, your name scribbled in a rush, center of the envelope. Heart hammering in your chest you opened to see what you absolutely dreaded.
Save The Date!
Tears burned at the back of your eyes but you knew you couldn’t let them fall. Crying would be useless now. You did it to yourself and now you had to deal with the consequences. Running away from Hawkins all those years ago meant running away from him too, but now maybe it was for the best. You could go back, attend the wedding, and show him you had moved on, prove to yourself you had moved on. Yet you were lying to yourself, you knew that wasn't your motive when you taped the invite to your fridge and called work to ask off.
So here you were, driving back to a town you promised yourself you'd never go back to on this extremely hot and sunny day. The purple dress wrapped in plastic laying across the passenger seat. Robin shocked she had recieved a call from you saying you'd needed somewhere to stay for the wedding, mainly because she didn't even know they invited you. She didn't hesitate to say yes though, she had missed you, and even if it was for a day she would take it. So she planned to get ready and let you do her makeup just because it had been so long. She knew not to mention the wedding as you applied eyeshadow to her eyes, curlers wrapped in your hair.
"I'm glad you're here" she tould you fondly, fingers playing with a stray makeup brush. "It's been a really long time"
"Yeah, three years" you muttered, focused on blending the pinks across her eyes.
"I'm glad you came" she told you again, trying to reinforce how much it meant to her and everyone that you were here.
"I'm surprised you’re wearing makeup for this" you told her, trying to stray from the obvious conversation you didn't want to have.
"Not really my choice, Steve wanted me up there in a tux on his side but she told me it was too tacky, that if he needed me in the wedding so bad I could stand up there in a bridesmaid dress" you couldn’t help the roll of your eyes as Robin told you this, clearly not comfortable with the fancy hair, makeup, dress, any of it.
"You can wear a tux at my wedding Rob, and I'd happily wear one to yours" you told her and she smiled brightly, missing you in a way she couldn't even explain. You should be the one marrying Steve and even she knew it. So she caught you up on her life, not leaving out a single detail because maybe if you knew everything you wouldn't leave this time.
Walking up to the church was when you finally addmitted to yourself why you were here. You’re not the kind of girl who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion, but he was not the kind of boy who should be marrying the wrong girl. So despite how everything ended all those years ago you knew you had to do something whether you were stopping the wedding for yourself or him, you weren't quite sure yet.
"You go ahead, I'm gonna get some fresh air" You told Robin, her bridesmaid dress a gorgeous pastel color. You were jealous she was in the wedding, standing on the side of his future wife but you knew she was up there for him, not her.
"I'll see you after" Robin set a comforting hand on your shoulder and you nodded, half tempted to light a cigarette despite not smoking one since high school. Yet before you could ask to bum one you found yourself sneaking through the back door, the bustling of the busy wedding party surrounding you. The boys stood in matching tuxes, now so much more grown in the last three years, and girls you had never seen before in matching pastels to Robin whispered in a corner. Unrecognizable family wearing pastels to match rushed around as well, quickly you walked by as if to go unnoticed. That's when you heard the shrill voice, your head peering into a room to see blonde hair curled perfectly laying a top a dress shaped like a pastry as she yelled at a briesmaid. This was not what you had thought it'd be, not what you both had imagined for your own wedding. Knowing Steve never planned something like this.
"Only a few people, none of my family if I can help it, and screw the stuffy church we should get married in a big field with a ton of wildflowers. Hell we should even ask Hopper to marry us, just our friends and the kids. There is no need to make such a big show of your love unless you're trying to prove something, and what do we have to prove?"
"Absolutely nothing, we're as real as it gets"
Those words burned in the back of your mind. The terrible truth that this wedding was him trying to prove something, maybe that's why you had recieved an invite with your name written in such a rush. Maybe it was a cry for help, or maybe you were delusional. No matter what the fantasy of standing and saying 'Don't say yes, run away now, I'll meet you when you're out of the church at the back door. Don't wait, or say a single vow. You need to hear me out' stamped permanently in your brain. Realizing the wedding was about to start you snuck back out, at least before you caught sight of him. Spotting Nancy and Johnathon in a pew, shocked faces painted on as you approached them, you slipped into the seat beside them.
"Y/N what're you doing here?" Nancy asked, moving her purse to make more room for you.
"I was invited" you told her, knowing she wasn't upset just confused.
"No you weren't, I helped send the invites" your heart tripled in speed as she informed you of this, the confirmation that Steve had invited you last minute without saying a word to anyone. A cry for help. You watched people speak fondly to eachother as the organ began to play, the song way to similar to a death march. Seeing the faces around you, the clear shock proved you were not invited by the bride to be, that you were out of place in your bright purple dress, the color of the wildflowers you imagined him marrying you in. Thats when you saw him standing at the alter, big fluffly hair, sleek black tux, and bright eyes. His eyes scanning the crowd.
Then right before they landed on you the bride appeared in the aisle, everyone standing because the wedding had now officially started, her looking like a pageant queen. But you knew he wished it was you, you looked back at him trying to read his thoughts. He would only send an invite if it truly meant he wished it was you and he wanted you to save him. The daydream came to mind again, the hope of meeting at the back door and rushing to find a field of wildflowers fit for you to remember your great love. As the wedding progressed Nancy noticed you bouncing your leg and she shot a worried glance to Johnathon. It may have been three years but she still knew you, knew that you were about to do something so crazy you had to bounce your leg to ease the nerves.
"Speak now or forever hold your peace" The preacher fianlly said and there's the silence, there's you last chance. So you stand up with shaky hands, all eyes on you, horrified looks from everyone in the room, but you're only looking at him. Steve.
Eyes scanned the room, waiting to see what happened next as the bride wore an offended look. Nancy hid her face against Johnathon, unsure what to do as Robin wore a grin bigger than the entire wedding itself. People in the pews whispered, the kids standing beside Steve hitting each other, not realizing you were here until now. Yet you never removed your eyes from his as you waited to see if what you had just did is what he had wanted. That he invited you because he wanted to not say yes, run away now, meet you when you're out of the church at the back door. To not wait, or say a single vow because your time is running out.
Your not the kind of girl who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion, but you are not the kind of boy who should be marrying the wrong girl, so here you were standing now when the preacher says speak now.
"What do you have to prove Steve?" you watched as his jaw clenched slightly and then he was dropping her hands, a gasp eliciting from the action yet you couldn't help the smile that appeard on your face.
"Absolutley nothing" and then looking like a dream in that tux he floated down the alter, meeting you in the aisle and rushing out the door. The hum of whispers and shocked gaps filled the church as you disappeared into the entryway, your hands locked together, grins etched across your faces as you let out heavy breaths of air.
"Let's run away now, I'll meet you when I'm out of my tux at the back door. Baby, I didn't say my vows, so glad you were around when they said, speak now" you nodded quickly, adrenaline, excitment, and love flowing through your veins. Steve grinned, hands gripping your face as he pressed a hard and quick kiss to your lips before rushing to the back room of the church where he had left his clothes.
You wasted no time getting to the backdoor, your foot bouncing as you spotted his BMW in the parking spot. The door pushed open and there was the Steve you were used to, the one that wore tight jeans and soft sweaters. He flashed you a smile as he locked hands with you again and you were sprinting to his car, laughs falling from your lips. He shut you in as fast as he could before rushing around the side of the vehicle and turning the engine to life. He peeled out so fast dirt flew up in the air but you both knew that you had already started and there was no point in stopping now.
"You came?" he smiled, hand locking with your own again.
"I did, turns out I wasn't supposed to be invited" you smiled at him and he chuckled.
"I thought I could do it, forget all about you, and do the big white wedding. Then I kept thinking about the field of wild flowers, free of my family and full of the people who actually do love me, and when I thought of that I thought of you" pulling his hand up you pressed a soft kiss to his knuckles, unbelieving that you were in Steve Harrington’s front seat again.
"I wasn't going to come but then I thought of how lonely the last three years have been and some part of me knew it was a cry for help, so I came to try one last time" you honestly told him and he smiled from his seat, continuing to drive towards where he hoped to be by the end of the day.
Looking up you saw he approached a field, just outside of Hawkins, and purple wild flowers waved in the wind, bathed by the sunlight. You realized it was exactly like the wedding you both had imagined. “I planted them a few months ago, I was going to suggest it but I realized I couldn’t share them with anyone but you”
“I love it Steve”
“Just don’t leave again”
“How could I? I just crashed your wedding!”
#steve harrington x fem!reader#steve harrington fluff#steve harrington#steve harrington imagines#steve harrington smut#steve harrington x you#steve harrington x fem#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington plus size#steve harrington fic#steve harrington wedding#speak now#taylor swift#purple#joe keery x you#joe keery#joe keery x y/n#joe keery x reader#joe keery fanfiction#joe keery fic#joe keery imagines#stranger things imagine#stranger things#steve stranger things#80s aesthetic#speak now imagine#steve harrington taylor swift#steve harrington thoughts#steve harrington prompt
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Okay, so I saw this reel on insta and I think I NEED to write a OS with Ben Hardy!Roger Taylor about it.
What do we think? 👀
#queen#borhap#roger taylor#freddie mercury#brian may#john deacon#ben hardy#rami malek#gwilym lee#joe mazzello#queen fanfiction#queen fandom#ben hardy fanfic#roger taylor fanfic#ben hardy as roger taylor#greatkinglulu
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Fandom: Abbott Elementary
Sample Size: 296 stories
Source: AO3
#melissa schemmenti#barbara howard#janine teagues#gregory eddie#ava coleman#jacob hill#gerald howard#mr. johnson#taylor howard#joe#abbott elementary#fanfiction#ao3#statistics#phantom statistician
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Christmasbound VIII
“How much gravy do you want to put aside?”
“Perhaps just half of it for now?”
“Where do you have the…”
“Second drawer on the right.”
Taylor slowly makes her way back to the kitchen counter, leaning against the marble stone in her navy blue dress, her hair curly hanging over her shoulder. She crosses her arms, looks at Joe being helpful in the kitchen. He’s just helping her prepare the last bits and pieces for tonight’s dinner. He’s quiet, not mad. He hasn’t been speaking much, but hasn’t been ignoring her either. He made it clear to her that he doesn’t want to speak about it, that he doesn’t feel like talking at this point. And she takes it. She has to take it for what it is. Him and her in the house, Eleanor between them and a house full of family over these holidays.
“You look nice tonight.” she says, her voice a bit more uplifted than before. Perhaps, taking a first step towards him will do the trick. Joe doesn’t answer, is busy wrapping a bowl of gravy into cling film carefully as he feels two hands wrapping themselves around his torso from behind.
“…like a whole snack.” she whispers jokingly, already pressing her face into his dark grey shirt that’s covering his sleek body in the best way possible. He looks as effortlessly handsome as he always does. Only a shirt and a pair of jeans and it makes her go limb on an instant.
With her face pressed into his back, she awaits any type of reaction but nothing. She breathes him in. And it hurts. His silence hurts. She doesn’t want to let him go, doesn’t want to just brush off that he rejected her touch, but decides to still unwrap her arms from his torso then. She just stands there now, in high heels, right next to him in the kitchen, feeling more than rejected. And Joe doesn’t seem to mind. Instead, he’s now studying the back of a red wine bottle, doesn’t seem impressed by her flirtations.
“We still have an hour before your family arrives. Shall we talk perhaps?” she then murmurs. She looks at his back. It’s slowly getting dark outside. The living room of her house is lit up in the warmest way. Fairy lights are hanging from her Christmas trees, and the little candles up on the fireplace are lid, too. It’s the cosiest way to spend Christmas Eve. Snow, warmth and the people she loves most right next to her. It could be the cosiest way to spend this evening if there wasn’t this horrible cold between them.
“Why?” he answers then, after what feels like eternity. Joe carefully turns around, seems to look into her face for the first time today. She swallows, feels anger rise in her. Anger and an uncomfortable amount of anxiety.
“Because I don’t like having your family over while we’re in World War III over here, Joe.” she says, “I’m getting major last year vibes.” she adds then, sarcastically, trying to lighten the mood with her joke.
“Correct” he replies then, with too much honesty and annoyance in his voice for her taste.
She sighs, now just shakes her head in disappointment while looking at the floor. This is not what it’s supposed to be. They shouldn’t be fighting already, after spending less than 48 hours together in her house. This time, Joe looks at her for the first time in a while, standing across from her in the kitchen and leaning against the marble counter on the other side of the room. She’s crossed her arms and has that same worried look on her face that he knows too well. She pretends to be cool, but the anxiety is in her eyes. She’s not good at communicating her emotions yet always tells him exactly how she feels with those eyes.
“What do you want me to say?” he then says, turned around to her fully, the kitchen cloth being thrown onto the counter, his presence fully on her. His eyebrows are lowered. He looks a bit angry but restless at the same time.
“That you’re angry? Just something.” she says immediately, her arms still crossed. She can’t believe he’s turned last nights love making and the absence of three single words into this. They’ve gone 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. He seems so closed up, a look on his face that tells her that he can’t seem to remind himself why he stayed. Why he didn’t end already whatever developed between them in the past days and weeks.
“I’m not angry.” he sighs.
“Of course you are.” she says, faster than he can.
Joe doesn’t say anything, just looks down again, not meeting her eyes anymore. She feels her stomach churn.
“You know what, maybe I am.” he says then, a bit more aggressive than she usually knows him. But Taylor almost feels relieved, almost feels thankful that he’s not shutting her out anymore. She would always prefer angry Joe to quiet Joe. Angry Joe is unfair and sometimes a bit too emotional for her taste, but he cares. He is angry, because he cares. Doesn’t walk away from her and decides to love someone else.
“Maybe I am mad about the fact that I’ve spent… that I’ve spent years loving you despite.. despite everything that’s happened and how our lives changed and.. and now that we’re here, and we’re in this together, and we’re finally so close to just.. letting all of this shit go you still… you still can’t just open up to me.”
Taylor stands there, realises just now that his words were more than she wanted. She feels sick all of the sudden, overwhelmed by his accusation. Because he is so wrong. Because, perhaps, he’s so right?
“What? Do you think opening up means saying I love you after sex? Do you think that’s the only way I am opening up?” she defends herself, her voice getting angry, sounding a bit more on edge than before. She doesn’t want to get loud, doesn’t want Eleanor upstairs to listen to this conversation between her parents.
“You are.. you are in my house and in my bed and.. we’re celebrating Christmas like a family. That’s a lot, Joe.” she breathes heavily, her hands shaky. She radiates anxiety, which is something that Joe hates. He’d never want to cause her to be anxious, ever. Yet it feels like, once again, that’s exactly the effect he has on her.
He doesn’t answer her again, hasn’t moved from the spot he’s been standing in front of her.
“It’s not enough for me.” he says then, not moving, not looking at her, not a sign of uncertainty in his voice.
Taylor just stands there, feels like her lungs are not able to get air no more. She immediately feels heat rising up and her eyes getting more and more watery with every second passing bye. She doesn’t move, both her arms crossed, both her hands getting sweaty now too.
“Okay.” she says, her voice shaking. It’s only then that Joe looks back at her, and his face changes. Softens.
“Shit, that came out really wrong.” he mumbles then. A hint of empathy in his voice. For the first time today.
“No, it’s.. this is not enough for you. I get it.” she says then, feels hot tears coming up in her eyes, but immediately swallows them down again. He knew that this is how he can get her. He knew that this was always her greatest fear, for as long as he knows her, yet he’s still gone there today.
“It is enough for me.” he says eagerly then, for the first time today approaching her instead of pushing her away. He takes one step closer to her, places his hands on both her upper arms and looks at her apologetically. She doesn’t look at him though, her face still focused on the floor.
“This came out completely wrong. I didn’t mean that you aren’t enough for me. I meant that this… this constant uncertainty is just..” he stops speaking, just sighs again and doesn’t know how to continue. His lips part once more, but nothing comes out. Nothing but his hot breath, right on her face.
“I just..”
He tries again, then stops. He can’t take this one more time. Seeing her so hurt. So unhappy. Her eyes so empty. As empty as they’ve been for the past three years.
“I just want to be for you who.. who I once was.” he whispers then, his hands still running up and down her upper arms, her face slowly turning to look at him. She’s unsure, but it almost looks like he’s about to tear up. He’s too close to her face for her to be able to see clearly.
“I don’t want to be the guy you.. you have to learn to forgive. I don’t want you to have to learn to say that you love me again, I just.. I just want you to feel it.”
Taylor parts her lips, has so many things she wants to say to him. But the look in his eyes is too heavy on her. It’s like seeing the person you know the best, break. It’s like looking into her daughter’s eyes. She always forgets just how much they look alike.
“I feel it. I feel you. I just…”
Just when Taylor stops talking is when she can feel his hands making their way down her hips, right onto her back and then arriving slowly but gently on the lower backside of her body. Slower and slower, until they have a secure grip on her bum cheeks. She still feels completely taken by his eyes, the anxious look in his blue yes having turned into another form of extreme emotion. He looks bothered. Bothered by his lust for her. Taken by her, and the feelings he feels in his body for the woman in front of him.
“I need you so much. Not just like this.” he whispers then, his eyes fully focused on her face. Her blonde bangs are almost falling into her eyes, the curly hair over her shoulder. Her red lips, and her small hands that he knows better than his own, wandering all the way up from his chest to his beard.
“I need you so much, Joe.” she says, only mili-seconds before she lifts her head up and kisses him intensively. She usually never resides to a proper kiss when her lips are covered in lipstick. But this time, she just forgets. Even more so, she just decides that this urge in her is stronger than her rational thinking. Her tongue quickly finds her way to his, and Joe feels the warm breath escaping her nose on his. His hands are suddenly everywhere. Taylor sighs into the kiss. She tastes like the cappuccino she’s had just a few moments ago. Her tongue as soft as he remembers and the feeling of her curly hair against his forehead more familiar than anything he’s ever felt before.
Her hands are deep in his short hair now, and his mouth is slowly leaving her lips, wandering to her throat. He feels like losing himself in her skin. The natural scent that radiates from her drives him insane. He loves the little birthmark on the side of her throat more than his life. His tongue and lips are loving up on her a bit more intense than per usual. He knows that and so does she. Taylor slowly opens her eyes again for a split second, and all she can see the ceiling of her living room. All she feels is his hands on her. One securely on her back and the other one under the skirt of her dress, deeply buried inside her panties. It’s then that she realises that they’re just moments away from indulging in sex. In animalistic, unbothered sex. Right here in her kitchen. Right here whilst their daughter is upstairs, ready to walk down and find them like this any second.
“Bathroom.” she says slowly and Joe lets go off her for a second. He understands her message within a split second. His eyes are still half closed, his lips red while breathing heavily and his pants radiate a certain tightness that she knows too well. Joe nods, while walking backwards with her, almost stumbling over his own feet.
____________
“This is ridiculous” he mumbles desperately, still staring into the mirror in front of him while washing his face. Her red lipstick is still stuck in his beard. It’s been a few minutes now that he’s trying to get rid of the stains of her lipstick, but without success. Taylor, who has already fixed both her face and hair, now takes a step towards him and giggles quietly.
“Come here.”
“Is this like cement? Or..”
“It was waterproof.” she says, almost apologetically, whilst grabbing his face and rubbing his lips and mouth with the make- up removing wipes she used earlier. She can’t help but giggle while taking care of him. Even more so, when she hears him sigh over her previous answer.
“Why would you put that on your lips all the time? This is horrible.”
Taylor grins again, even though she feels for him. His beard really seems to not let go of her lipstick.
“Look at us. Making out with lipstick on. We’re teenagers.” she mumbles then, makes him laugh as well. Taylor slowly lets go off him and takes a good look at the situation in front of her. He’s still a bit red-ish. She reaches for a fresh wipe.
“I look like a ginger now.”
Taylor laughs again, and Joe secretly loves the fact that her hand is so steady on his cheek, making sure he gets all cleaned up. He loves seeing her smile so closely to his face. He notices the little pimple on her chin and there’s nothing he finds more endearing.
“You don’t. It’s just a bit…stained.”
Joe doesn’t say anything, just giggles quietly with her.
“Tay?”
“Mhm?”
“I’m sorry for last night.” he says then and Taylor expected anything to come out of his mouth. Anything but this. She gets nervous suddenly again, yet doesn’t stop cleaning his face with her make- up remover wipes carefully.
“Me, too.” she says then quietly, folding the wipe once before placing it on the counter behind her. She can feel Joe reach for her hand, and lifts it up to press a gentle kiss onto it quietly. She smiles slightly, a look of satisfied exhaustion still on her face.
“I’m so happy you’re home, Joe.”
He needs to hear nothing else but instead lets go off her hand and pulls her into a gentle but tight hug. This time, his hand isn’t wandering to the lower back of her body. Instead, he just remains close to her, loves to feel her body pressed against his. He feels so happy to hold her in his arms, feels her small frame protected against his chest. Taylor’s eyes are closed too, and she just places her still shaky hand on his back. Her eyes are closed. His scent in her nose, slowly healing all the wounds he’s caused before. It’s like her torturer slowly became her remedy.
“Mommy! Mommy, I think Santa is here.” a little voice yells from the hallway.
Taylor doesn’t let go off Joe, just chuckles into his arms. He slowly lets go off her, smiles his nicest smile at her and leans forward to kiss her forehead.
“Let’s not be naughty anymore today, mummy. Santa’s here.”
She just laughs quietly and punches him into the side before unlocking the bathroom door again and walks downstairs to help Eleanor open up the door for their guests.
“I don’t think it’s Santa, baby. Look! It’s grandpa” Joe can hear her answer in her excited but gentle voice while walking down the stairs. He just remains standing in the bathroom and laughs quietly. It’s been a while since Christmas has felt so warm. It’s really been a while.
____________
“Sweetheart, that salad dressing is lovely! How did you…”
“I hate to break it to you, but it’s store bought.” everyone hears Taylor answer Elizabeth from the kitchen, and the entire table laughs slightly.
“Whole Foods.”
“Why did you say that?” Joe intervenes jokingly, yelling back to the open kitchen where Taylor is taking the main course out of the oven.
“It’s of course home-made.” he adds, and gets an eye-roll back from Taylor. It’s now gotten fully dark outside, and her dinner table is full. Full of glasses and food, but most importantly surrounded by the people she calls her second family. Whilst Patrick and his girlfriend are still talking to Tom about his girlfriend Lucy’s new job, Richard is busy helping Eleanor change her Barbie doll into a new outfit. Elizabeth just looks at Joe with a laugh on her face, while finishing her salad.
“Taylor, you shouldn’t have made such an effort. How long have you been preparing all this?” she asks, clearly impressed by the different dishes she’s cooked for this evening. And it’s not even Christmas day yet. Elizabeth knows that she’s never hosted a proper Christmas before, and she shouldn’t have made such an effort for them.
“Oh, we’ve just been taking care of this yesterday, was no big deal.” she answers, slowly walks back to the table and places the bowl of honey glazed potatoes next to the main course. She slowly sits down again, the chair between her and Joe empty as Eleanor seems to be too nervous to remain sitting on her chair for once.
“Joe helped you?” Elizabeth asks then, reaches for her glass of wine again and looks to her son who seems unusually smiley tonight. A lot more smiley than she’s seen him in the past couple of weeks.
“Of course I did. I don’t have to pay rent here, so I thought I could pay in chopped vegetables.” he jokes, making Taylor laugh.
“Who says you don’t have to pay rent?” she gives back with a smirk on her face, making him smirk quietly too.
“So you.. you properly live here now?” Elizabeth asks, confusion in her face. This time, Richard also looks up to take part in the conversation. Joe clears his throat once, and Taylor feels nervous all of the sudden. She doesn’t even know why, but it feels warm in this room suddenly.
“I mean I moved out of Naomi’s a few weeks back, and.. I haven’t found a new place yet so Taylor offered to crash here and.. for me to spend some time with E.” he answers, proud of himself for having found a good excuse as of why he’s been staying in one house with Taylor.
Elizabeth doesn’t say anything, and Joe knows that she knows. The question is just how long can she keep it to herself and not comment on this any further. Joe gets up to refill everyone’s glasses.
“How’s Robert doing, Taylor? Are you two still seeing each other?”
Joe can hear his mother’s voice around the dinner table whilst he opens another wine bottle in the kitchen. He feels himself getting angry. He knew she wouldn’t stop poking. He knew she wouldn’t be able to just stay out of their business. And Joe knows that Taylor is getting tense. He doesn’t have to sit next to her to feel the anxiety and nervousness radiating form her. She’s got her hand hidden between her crossed legs. A pose she always takes as soon as she gets nervous.
“Uhm, not at the moment.” she says, then casually reaches for her wine glass, acting as if nothing she’s just said would come across as unusual or weird.
“So let me get this right, you guys are both single and living in this house together?” Tom asks now, and it suddenly gets more than quiet around the table. The only person who seems to not be surprised by the sudden topic around the dinner table is Eleanor. With her curls in a little ponytail she just runs from the table back to the couch, where she’s built a little castle for her Barbie dolls under one of the big white pillows.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Joe now answers, while walking back to the table with the new wine bottle he just opened. He feels responsible all of the sudden. Taylor suspected that this would happen yet he still pushed the situation in the first place.
“Well, you’re not telling us that you two seriously consider trying it again, are you?” Elizabeth now says in disbelief with a hint of shock in her voice. Taylor feels the negativity between her words right away, and it does something to her. She feels pushed into the corner, feels a newborn anger and defensiveness in her chest boiling up slowly but surely.
“Well, maybe we are.” she then says, can’t believe the words just came out of her mouth. For a second, the table freezes. Joe just looks to Taylor in utter surprise, would have never expected her to get these words out of her mouth so naturally. And he knows that it wasn’t the wisest option. He knows that this wasn’t the ideal reaction towards his overtly worried mother.
“Can I.. can I have some more wine?” Patrick then mumbles, seems to be the one to break the silence, desperately trying to ease the weird vibe again. Joe just nods thankfully, and gets up to refill his glass. Taylor is staring onto her plate, doesn’t say anything anymore. She regrets her sudden reaction, he knows that. And his parents just look at them, from Joe, to Taylor, and back to Joe, waiting for any type of reaction. But he doesn’t know what to say, feels at a loss for words in this moment.
“So, you’re saying that you two are back together?” Elizabeth says then, and the same silence from before comes over the dining table again. Nothing but the Christmas music from Joe’s playlist in the background. The burning wood in her fireplace is creaking. Taylor has placed her wine glass in front of her again. She feels shaky, almost nauseous. But also angry. She and Joe haven’t even figured this out for themselves. Why won’t Elizabeth just give them some time before judging. Because she already is. And Taylor can feel it clearly.
“Mum..”
“I’m not saying we’re back together, but we did decide to spend some time together to see if we can work this out, yes.” Taylor then interrupts him, and Joe has never been prouder of her. This is new for him. This is a new found confidence she suddenly radiates. He looks at her in both shock and pride, almost doesn’t notice his mother placing her wine glass on the wooden table in a more aggressive manner than before.
“So by ‘working this out’ you mean you’ve spoken about you taking Eleanor from her father when she was at her most vulnerable and just leaving him to himself for two years? Is that what you’re working out together?”
Taylor looks at Elizabeth in shock. She’s never witnessed Joe’s mom as aggressive and defensive as she is now. Within a second, Richard places his hand on her forearm, telling his wife to stop it. Tom, Patrick and his girlfriend just place their cutlery on the plate in front of them. They���re all uncomfortable. More than that. If there’s anything worse than fighting with a family member, it’s fighting with a family member on the holidays - with everyone around the same table.
“I didn’t take her from her father. I did what I had to do as a mother.” Taylor replies with a shaky voice. She feels cold and hot at the same time. Her stomach is churning. She’s glad her voice is still working, because she felt like it’s gone. Before she can speak any further, she already feels Joe’s hand on her back.
“Mum, stop this right now.” he says angrily.
“I know you are a great mother, Taylor. But you haven’t been a good partner to Joe. And I really thought you got to a point where you both could finally…”
“I haven’t been a good partner? I.. I can’t do this.” she says with a husky voice. She feels like fainting, feels like she’s about to pass out. Before she can get up is when Joe holds her arm, signaling her to stay where she is. Before he can open his mouth to counter his mother is when she’s already speaking again. The situation has truly gone out of control. None of his siblings says a word no more. He cannot believe this is happening.
“I want both of you to be happy and responsible parents and we all know that you are not when you’re living together. If this will end in the same mess as last time, I…”
“Time to leave, mum.”
Joe interrupts her. Taylor has never heard him so angry and loud. For a second, it’s quiet. Taylor just remains sitting at the table, her face buried in her shaking hands. She’s never felt so offended by a person she once called her second mother.
“What..”
“This dinner is over. Please get up and leave.”
Taylor doesn’t say anything, feels like throwing up. She just sits there, covering her face with her shaky hands. And Joe has never felt so angry, never felt so embarrassed by his mother.
“I never meant to start this fight, Joe.” she says apologetic, seems to understand slowly that she’s taken it a step too far. But Joe is raging on the inside. She knows her son too well.
“Joe, why don’t we all just calm down for a second and..” Richard interrupts them now, trying to calm the fronts. But Joe is already standing up, pointing to the door at the end of the hallway.
“Taylor, I’m sorry. I genuinely want the best for both of you, and if you both want to work past this, then I hope that…”
“Please just stop.” Taylor says, her voice has clearly changed. She’s crying behind her hands. Joe knows that, as well as everyone else around this table.
“Please go home. Not tonight.” Joe says again, and it takes less than five minutes until the room is finally empty. All she can hear is Elizabeth arguing with Joe, and his brothers apologising for their mother. Everyone is mad at Elizabeth. Taylor feels that immediately, but it doesn’t make her feel better. As soon as the door closes behind them, Taylor gets up, walks past Eleanor who looks more than confused. Joe stands there in front of the door, looking as sorry as he could be.
“Tay, I..”
“Can you.. can you please give me a second?” she asks with teary eyes and shaky hands and has already made her way upstairs before he can say anything. With her heels on the carpet, she storms into the master bathroom of the house and locks the door.
“Daddy, where did they go?”
Joe just looks at a confused six year old in the living room. He slowly makes his way to her, then carefully knees down in front of the little girl.
“I think everyone was just really tired, my love. You’ll see grandma and grandpa tomorrow, okay? I promise.” he says apologetically. He can’t believe this happened a day before Christmas. But to Joe’s surprise, Eleanor just nods, places her little hand on his shoulder.
“Grandma doesn’t like that you live here.” she says, and Joe feels like he’s dreaming. Did she just say this?
“What?”
“Grandma was angry at mummy and you, right?”
Joe can’t believe how much the little girl has understood already. And it makes him even sadder, and a little bit more angry at his mum than before. He can’t believe she managed to ruin this holiday for everyone. Her granddaughter included.
“Come here.” Joe says then with a sigh, picks her up and sits down on the sofa in front of them with Eleanor on his lap.
“Grandma isn’t mad at us. She just remembers that mummy and me used to fight a lot when I was living in a house with you two, and she’s afraid that we might fight again, you know? Because she knows how much you hate it when mummy and me fight. And she loves you a lot.”
Eleanor looks at Joe, nods then, but seems confused still.
“I don’t want you and mummy to fight with grandma.”
Joe sighs again, his hand immediately landing on her little curly head. He gets closer to hear and kisses her head gently.
“I know. I promise it’ll be fine again. Don’t you worry about it. Mummy and me and grandma and grandpa, and Patrick and Tom… everyone in our family loves each other a lot. And sometimes when you care for each other, you fight. That’s normal.” he explains to her, hoping to make her feel at least a bit better right now.
“Can you live here when grandma is angry?”
Joe looks at the little girl in his arms with a smile. For the first time tonight. She looks anxious all of the sudden and it makes him understand how secure she must have felt these past days. With both him and Taylor being here. He understands now why it was always worth fighting for this. Because they’re a family. They really are.
“Of course I can. Nothing can stop me from being here with you and mummy. Because I love you soooo much.” he says quietly, showing Eleanor with both of his hands just how much he loves them. Eleanor giggles quietly and Joe pokes her tummy. He’s relieved that he could calm the little girl a bit.
“Are you excited for Santa Claus to sneak into our house tonight?” he asks and Eleanor nods with big eyes. “What if he won’t find us?” she asks with a worried look in her face. Joe smiles. “You’ve been so good this year. He will definitely find our house, don’t you worry.” he says again and kisses her head slowly.
____________
Joe confusedly wanders through the house. Eleanor is asleep in her bed now, after he successfully carried the sleepy girl upstairs and finally tucked her into her bed. After all, it’s past midnight now and no matter how excited she is for Christmas morning, she does need her sleep after all. Joe slowly opens the room to Taylor’s office but he doesn’t find her. He slowly closes the door again and makes his way up the stairs once more. After a few seconds he finds the door to the little balcony on the second floor open and spots a blonde woman with her puffy winter jacket on one of the metal chairs in the cold. She seems to have carved out snow from the chair, and just sits there with her glass of wine, staring into the dark. Joe swallows seeing her here like this. He carefully knocks against the balcony door before stepping outside to where she is. She just slowly turns around, doesn’t seem to mind him joining her.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” he says, welcomes Taylor wiping snow from the chair next to her with her puff jacket. He sits down next to her then. Doesn’t say anything for a second.
“I saw the open balcony door and thought Santa Claus found an alternative entryway to our house.”
Taylor looks at him, just smirks quietly. He hates to see her like this.
“Well..” he tries again, “At least we’ve had a nice and relaxing Christmas dinner with my family, don’t you think?”
This time, Taylor laughs quietly with him for a second. Joe slowly reaches for her hand in her jacket, and Taylor lets him hold her hand.
“I’m so sorry, Taylor.” he says then, and she turns her head to look at him. She’s cried before, and he knows that. He can see it on her puffy but dry eyes.
“Don’t..”
“No, I mean it. My mother was being impossible.”
“Well, she meant every word she said, so..”
“She’s impulsive. And rude. And already called me fifteen times tonight to apologise. I get that you…”
“Joe, I love you so much, it’s insane.” she then interrupts him, not facing him anymore. She just sits there in the dark, wearing her navy blue puff jacket and stares into the dark winter sky. Joe just looks at her, squeezes her hand once in disbelief. Almost as if he would have to reassure himself that what she said is real. That he’s not dreaming, or hallucinating.
“I know.” is all he gets out in this moment. The amount of happiness rushing through his veins indescribable. Taylor turns her head to look at him again. He has no idea where she’s going with this, but he likes it.
“I felt it the entire time, but when your mom started to talk us out of this tonight, I just.. I literally knew on a rational level that I want this as much as you do. And I don’t care what we did, or what happened in the past or whether.. whether people think we shouldn’t be together.”
Joe listens to her speech, and almost feels like he is getting a bit too emotional. It’s been a long time since he’s witnessed her so sure, so bold and confident about their love. It reminds him of who they were years ago. After having realised that they’re it. Love. Real love. And not the superficial idea of love they’ve experienced before each other.
“Tay, no one thinks that we shouldn’t..”
“I think we should get married.” she says then, looking at him.
Joe sits there, swallows.
“What?”
“I think we need to stop messing around and just.. face it.” she says, looking at him with tears in her eyes. Joe doesn’t know whether she’s saying this because she means it or whether this is Taylor being more than emotional tonight.
“Face it?” he asks with a shaky voice himself.
Taylor appreciates that he holds her hand in this moment, because she’s never felt dizzier. Dizzier by her own honesty and boldness. By the epiphany of her consciousness that this is Joe. It was always Joe. No matter if he broke her heart, or lived thousand of miles away from her. It was always Joe. Back then, and now.
“Us.” she says crying now, and Joe can’t help but pull her closer.
“We can always start over, right? Let’s just start over.” she says then and Joe pulls her into the tightest hug they’ve ever shared. She can feel his face pressed into her neck, feels the sensation of cold tears on her throat.
“Of course we can start over.” she hears a whisper in her neck. For a second, she closes her eyes again, feels herself sobbing slowly. Slowly but deeply. She almost feels like all the tears she held in for years, slowly find their way out. She’s not caring about the fact that her neighbours will be able to hear her. Instead, she just holds onto him, allows herself to release the pain and anger she’s held onto for so long.
“Of course we can always start over, my love. Always…”
Taylor tightens the grip around his neck, her hand holding onto his shoulder as if she was holding onto her life. She feels him sobbing, too. And it’s this moment that she knows she will always remember. She will always be able to remember this moment, even if it’s still happening, even if it hasn’t passed yet. Because in this moment, right in his arms, her life feels like it’s starting again despite it all.
#Christmasbound#joe and taylor#joe and taylor fanfiction#joe alwyn#taylor swift#taylor swift fanfiction#lovers#fanfiction#fanfic#Fanfic writer
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