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#sure ill tag the characters who cares anymore

chimcess · 6 months

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→ Chapter Seven: Growing Pains Pairing: Jimin x Reader Other tags: Werewolf!Jimin, Witch!Reader, Shifter!Reader, Shifter!Jimin, A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha!Jimin Genre: Supernatural!AU, Werewolf!AU, Angst, Mutual Pining, Fluff, Smut, Word Count: 11.6k+ Synopsis: Within the four realms of Lustra lay the Bangtan forest home to the Foxglove pack of the south and known as the “land of magic.” It is also home to the Bridd, a powerful witch from a cursed bloodline who is one of the sacred guardians of the forest. Y/N is the newest Bridd, a young girl who was given her position too early. Now a woman, Y/N is revered amongst the wolves as the most powerful witch they have ever known, but hiding under the surface is a woman who has to battle between her duty and her heart. Warnings: ANGST BB, hurt, argument, sexism, I love/hate Bo, strong language, crying, PTSD, Impulsive decisions, I love Taehyung so much, he is my sweet baby angel, we need better communication skills, mentions of a toxic relationship (not reader and Jimin), Anger issues, mental illness, long hair Jimin for the win, emotional turmoil, conflicting feelings, emotional whiplash, talks of possible character death, let me know if I missed anything A/N: Not me surprising dropping. This was such a difficult chapter to write. I enjoy angst and everything, and this was meant to be the catalyst to the adventure we need to take, but that doesn't mean I like causing pain. Hope you guys like it!

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Bo and I stared at one another. Her jaw was clenched, and I could feel how tense my eyebrows were. We had been in this room for over an hour already and her stupid training was going nowhere. I did not want to learn how to talk to my husband properly. He enjoyed how I was already.

“Why are you making this so difficult?” She spat.

“Because I can,” I taunted.

Her mouth twitched and I waited for her to finally snap. I would like a good fight to get all of my pent up frustration out. Instead, she took another deep breath and told me to point out the proper soup spoon.

“This is the dumbest thing I have ever done in my life,” I mumbled and pointed at the smallest one in the set.

“And you’re the dumbest thing that’s come into mine,” She bit back.

“This is really unnecessary, Bo,” Sol sighed from beside me. “Y/N has better things to do than sit here and look at silverware. None of us even use these anymore.”

I looked at her and hoped she could see how grateful I was she was sitting here with me. When Bo showed up at Jimin’s house this morning, the Luna had followed behind her every step of the way hoping we could put the traditional nonsense behind us. I did not see the point in following their customs more than I already did and Sol herself said no one really cares about certain formalities anymore. Jimin seemed sad to watch me go but more pleased than he let on. Sol said these preparations were meant for our wedding and it made him happy to think about. That was the only reason I was still sitting here.

“I’m sure Oxur Park knows how much Alpha Park loves a woman with knowledge,” The wolf gave me a satisfied smirk. “Unless you’ve decided to take that from him, too.”

Bo had made it her mission to get me out of their palace. Believing I had somehow tricked Jimin into loving me, the wolf had no issue calling our bond into question. Apparently, her outdated beliefs ran much deeper than I had originally thought. Either way, she was beginning to make my life all the more difficult. I had enough going on as it was.

“You are the most infuriating woman I have ever had the displeasure of meeting.”

“And you are the sneakiest little weasel I have ever laid eyes on,” Bo hissed.

“You’re both acting like children,” Sol laughed. “Bo, can’t we go now? I promised my husband alone time with his friend.”

With a satisfied smirk, I leaned back in my chair. Bo was not happy with the girl, but Taehyung’s wishes overruled her own. The perks of being the pack alpha, I guess. I did not wait for Bo’s response before standing up. Sol followed me.

“I expect you in your own room tonight, child.”

I did not respond. Sol giggled and grabbed hold of my arm as we left the palace library. If I had come here on my own, I might have admired the massive shelves and the beautiful wood they were made from, but Bo’s presence ruined whatever joy I might have gotten. She was such a pain to deal with. Knowing my foul mood, Sol began babbling about her and Taehyung’s wedding for the third time today.

“Oh, I wish you could have been there,” She pouted. “Taehyung wanted to wait for you to wake up, but all of us decided it would be in his best interest to hurry along. I hope you’re not upset with us.”

That worked and I cracked a smile.

“How many times do I have to tell you? I’m not upset about it.”

Leaning into my side, the younger girl sighed happily. She always got like this when she spoke of Taehyung. He was akin to God in her eyes now and it was a funny sight to see. She was always so stuck up and stressed when I had known her that this new version of her was strange to see. She laughed and joked with others in a way I had never seen before. Taehyung was the perfect match for the Luna, and I was pleased with how happy they both were despite everything going on.

“You’ll have to forgive Ha-Joon,” Sol waved at a small group of maids. “She’s just always pictured her daughter with Jimin, and her death has brought out the worst in her. Don’t take it too personally, okay?”

“Easy for you to say,” I murmured, “She doesn’t hate you.”

The group of maids stopped to bow. I returned the gesture, but Sol did not. She was never raised to respect her help. Tossing a small smile at the women, my eyes caught a familiar face and warmed. Koda grinned happily back at me.

“Oh!” Sol exclaimed suddenly. “Isn’t this the most coincidental situation?”

Stepping away from my side, the wolf gestured to the group. None of them make eye contact with the Luna. None of them even looked at her face. I could not understand how no one thought this was strange behavior, but it was the status quo. Hopefully I could speak with Taehyung about it. I do not think he would approve of this behavior at all.

“I was speaking with Elder Kim, and we decided that you need a servant,” Sol announced. “This group should do. See anyone you like in particular?”

She was completely serious. Not a shred of doubt or shame was written on her face. Sol was raised with this nonchalant way of ordering others around and it was disturbing to see in action. I would definitely speak to Taehyung. However, I could not deny the perks I saw. Looking at Koda, I knew I would be able to keep her safe as long as I kept her by my side. Giving the women a sympathetic look, I turned to Sol with a mask of indifference.

“If you think it’s necessary,” She smiled brightly. “Koda,” I looked at the older woman, “would you like to help me while I stay here?”

The woman walked to the front of the group. The other maids made space and suddenly none of them looked at me either. It was a horrible feeling and I wondered what they thought of me now. Wanting to make my intentions clear, I kept talking.

“Also, Sol,” I looked at my friend, “I don’t like the word 'servant'.’ Can we use something less… harsh? Like ‘companion?’ I don’t plan on staying here for very long so it just seems too,” I moved my hands and tried to find the softest explanation I could think of, “permanent.”

I was choosing my words carefully. Sol has never had her views challenged much and these women had been at her beck and call her entire life, so it was only natural she thought of them a particular way. I wanted to change her mind, but it would have to start with something small. The other maids seemed to relax, and their eyes wandered freely once more. I never wanted them to feel inferior to me.

“Hmm,” She cupped her chin, “I’ve never thought of that before. I like it.”

Turning her gaze to Koda, she grinned, “You will spend every moment at Oxur Park’s side. Under no circumstances will you leave her, understand?”

“Yes, Luna,” She bowed deeply. “Will I sleep in her chambers?”

“No!” I exclaimed. Flushing, I rubbed the back of my neck and bowed my head. “That won’t be necessary. I will be with Alpha Park during the night.”

Sol laughed heartily, “You’re just breaking all of the rules, aren’t you?”

I awkwardly joined her, “Might as well give her a reason for her dislike, don’t you think?”

Sol immediately dismissed the maids, Koda included, so we could continue our walk. Koda would be joining me tonight for my bath. I cringed at the thought and started to think of ways to talk to her about what I was expecting, or rather, not expecting her to do. I could do everything I needed on my own and had for many years of my life. I saw no need for someone else to bathe, dress, or tuck me in at night. Jimin would be the exception, but he was my partner and had seen me more intimately than others.

Sol continued to talk my ears off as we walked through the palace. I was still unnerved by how easily she commanded her maids. It was creepy. I could not picture Taehyung feeling comfortable by their pampering either, but would he ever say something that would offend his wife? It was difficult to say.

I knew the other alphas had lived in the palace at points in their lives, and from what I had heard, Namjoon was still here full time. Unmated alphas were meant to stay in the palace until they were mated so they could be trained into leaders. Scowling, I thought of Ahn and his thick, white beard and how little help he was to everyone. No one ever spoke of him or his teachings, and Sol did not even seem bothered by her father-figure’s death. It gave me a sick sort of pleasure knowing that no one, possibly not even Bo, thought of him in a good light.

The repairs to the palace were the first to be completed. The elves had focused primarily on the civilian areas, and since the palace was the only place made of stone, the flames that ate away at the wooden homes in the main parts of the village. We had been seeing a great deal of progress in only four days, but there was still much to do. The town’s market was nowhere in sight, and they had only just gotten their water system back up.

“What does Taehyung want to talk about?” I asked.

Sol had started a childhood story involving Ahn that I had no desire to hear.

“I’m not sure exactly,” She admitted, “He said he was hoping you two could go for a walk and catch up. It’s been a while since you’ve been alone.”

I nodded and pretended to listen as she jumped into another childhood story. Sol was a rather clumsy child. Looking at the dark stone, I felt my resentment growing. No one except for Taehyung had left to help the others. Not Kim nor Bo left their comfortable confines to help their community and yet they had time to talk about my manners and which servant I would get? It all seemed ridiculous to me. Even Sol herself was still living in la-la-land within these walls. Had she even seen what was done?

“You must promise to be our first child’s matrina,” Sol was talking about children. Again. Her unusual sense of pessimism was beginning to agitate me. “You are the only person I can think of I would trust with that honor.

“Of course, Jungkook will have to be the patrinus, but I don’t think it will bother Jimin too much. He’s far too much like a brother to ask anybody else. Maybe for our second child? Taehyung would be overjoyed if you were both involved.”

I gritted my teeth and simply nodded along with her stories. Yes, a conversation with Taehyung was a must. Maybe he could make her see reason, or at least show concern for everyone else. At meetings she lounged on him like a cat and never paid attention when they spoke about serious matters. It was like her head was permanently up in the clouds. Had she always been so careless when it came down to things, or was this a new development since she joined Taehyung? I would never know the true extent of the answer, but I had to believe this was new. Sol was too serious before to let this kind of behavior out.

The large, cathedral windows let in the bright sun, but it was still so cold and dark in here. The maids had yet to fix the lighting fixtures inside yet, but even the candles they had lit did nothing to help. Our steps had a faint echo to them, and it made the lifelessness of the palace worse. I felt Sol’s hair brushing against my arm as she made herself comfortable at my side and had to stop myself from moving it out of my way. It was tickling my skin uncomfortably.

Sol let her hair out in the palace unlike any place else. The long, thick, black waves cascading down her back effortlessly, but I knew better now. Someone had spent a great deal of time and care perfecting the way it felt and twisted. Around her neck was the material she used to cover her hair and she would put it on if another man showed up here. It was something Ahn had made her do that made no sense to me either, but Sol was happy about it, so I never thought about it much.

“Koda is a wonderful woman,” Sol suddenly gushed, catching my attention. “You’ll like her very, very much.”

“What makes you say that?” I questioned, feigning disinterest.

“Well,” She started, “She was once a warrior before her sister died. She stopped shifting soon after that and moved into the palace so she could have a place to stay. Her sister’s husband kept their house and Koda was too uncomfortable to live there with him alone.

“Oh! I know she’s from out of town, so you can share many stories about that as well. The people from Viridi Gramine always have the most interesting lives. Take Hyuna for example, she’s the princess of her people and yet gave it all up for a life here with Hoseok. Isn’t it romantic?”

I stopped listening to her once again. It was useful information, and my interest only grew for the older woman. If she was from the Foxglove’s cousin pack that meant she would know a route through the Ozryn mountains. Hiding my revelation, I subtly picked up my pace. The sooner I got this meeting over with, the sooner I could find Cadoc.

“She will be a wonderful companion for you to have,” Sol teased, placing extra emphasis on the chosen word. “I think I’ll start using that one as well. Servant does sound too harsh.”

I smirked in amusement. It was difficult to dislike Sol, especially when it seemed like she was having the most fun she had ever had. I imagined living with someone like Ahn was challenging. Still, her innocence and naivety were so odd when compared to her position in the pack. She was treated like glass that could shatter at any moment while held up as if she were a queen.

We descended down the large staircase in a companionable silence. That was rare for Sol, but I was sure as soon as our feet touched the first floor, she would start her rambling once more. It seemed like luck was on my side, however. Taehyung stood waiting for us, his eyes never leaving Sol’s little body. His happiness was enough to let go of my discomfort for Sol. She would learn in time, and Taehyung would be there to guide her. I would just steer him in the right direction.

The clothes he wore were much nicer than anything I had ever owned. Navy blue silk contrasted beautifully with his tanned skin while the nearly black pants he wore extended his legs. He wore a pair of simple black boots and a matching belt. It was nice to see him so clean and dressed up. Soon we would not have those luxuries.

“Thanks for bringing her, mi conjunx.”

Sol bit her lip and looked down, “Of course, mi coniunx.”

“Bridd,” Taehyung smiled at me, breaking whatever spell he had been under, “May I take you for a small walk alone? I have something I need to discuss with you.”

“That’s why I’m here,” I squeezed Sol’s shoulder and walked down the last few stairs that separated us.

It looked like Taehyung was physically pained to leave Sol’s side, but he showed as much restraint as possible. I heard her feet pitter-pattering back up the steps and Taehyung’s shoulders relaxed. They had spoken and it was still a mystery to me how it worked. I would have to ask Jimin about it later.

We stayed silent until we were out of the palace and walking out of Foxglove entirely. He wanted privacy today, so I waited until he was ready to speak to begin my questioning.

“How are you holding up?” Taehyung asked once we were well hidden within the trees.

I sighed. Cordelia’s passing had affected all of us, and Taehyung was beside himself with grief. He had hardly known her, but he was fond of everyone he met at my cottage. I confided in him about finding her body this morning. He stole me away for a few moments to ask my advice on his plans to invite the witches to stay in the palace, and the sea witch was brought up in conversation. I could tell he would make it a point to ask me about my emotional state whenever he got me alone.

“The etiquette classes have me thoroughly distracted,” I replied sadly.

“And everyone else?”

“About as well as I am,” I muttered. “Wendy is in bad shape, but Seokjin is holding her close. I think they’re back in their confusing situationship again, which saddens me, but I understand. I can only hope it will be different this time.”

In truth, I had little hope. While Wendy may have decided she would choose Seokjin over Yoongi, I was also sure this budding relationship would fizzle out rather quickly. Wendy was once again latching onto the sun witch in a desperate attempt to make herself feel better, and like always, Seokjin would walk through fire to make her smile. I paid close attention to their dynamics, and it was reminiscent of old times. It was not lost on me, her lingering stare at Yoongi’s disabled figure laying on the floor near the fireplace during my short visit yesterday, and it made the pit in my stomach only grow.

Old habits die hard, and Wendy Byrd was too much of a daydreamer to put anything to rest. It made me uncomfortable to witness the same cycle play out once more. It sickened me to know the only reason she was not seeking out Yoongi was the fact that he was getting used to his new reality. One where he could no longer see. Seokjin was as hopelessly hopeful as always and put up those blinders once more. Life in pink so long as Wendy held him close. The front he had put up in my cottage so long ago was forgotten.

“They need to figure it out by themselves,” Taehyung replied. He was always telling me things I knew but I appreciated the sentiment. “I am curious about this sudden need to leave Bangtan.”

As always, Taehyung knew more than he led on. I did not know how he knew of my plans before I spoke to anybody else about them, but I was less surprised than I should have been. Cadoc and I had been completely alone in the forest that night, but if Taehyung was awake when we got back to the palace, he could have easily gotten an earful of whatever we were speaking about. I had learned during our time at my cottage that Taehyung’s sense of hearing was stronger than the other’s while Jimin’s smell and eyesight were almost double of what they should be.

“I should be far more surprised than I am,” I admitted. “You’re always such a nosey little minx, aren’t you?”

Taehyung chuckled with a nod. Nothing got past those eyes. I pondered over what to say to him. He always had a way of taking me by surprise and I knew Cadoc would not be upset with my slip of the tongue. No one would, actually. Looking at my friend, I reminded myself that he was my friend before he was the Alpha everyone else needed him to be. A man who loved to read my mythology books and ask questions about the forest creatures would never dare ask me to stay behind when there were adventures to be seen. I was also aware that he would be afraid of my loyalty.

Cadoc had said I was becoming blinded by it. Loyal to a fault. Jimin and I were still at odds about my trip, but he had become resigned. We both needed for this to happen. For the sake of our friends and family I needed to try. I had failed once already, and I could not fail again.

“Are you going to talk to me about your secrets now?”

“I’m not staying in Bangtan for much longer,” I whispered, knowing he would be able to hear me just fine. “I have a different task. Something important.”

“I had guessed as much,” He laughed, an easy smile on his face. “Jimin is far too distracted, and the Quietus keep whispering to each other,” He stopped walking and turned towards me. “So, Bridd, where are you going?”

Biting my lip, I hesitated. How angry would he be if I told the truth? Angry was a strong word, I conceded. Taehyung was never angry, but I did not think he would be pleased. I was blatantly placing my own life in danger and lying to my mate about it. It was almost enough to make me rethink my choices.

“I need to find someone,” I said, bracing myself for the disappointment that was sure to make itself known soon. “When I died, I saw my aunt in the spirit realm, and she told me that I had to seek out an elemental called Naida.”

Taehyung frowned at me, his concern evident, but not so much so. He was not disappointed, but I could see fear. I could live with that. I was also afraid for my own life, but dwelling on those thoughts would get me nowhere. I had a mission to complete, and I would not be late this time. I would win. I had to. For my own sanity I would go.

“Is Jimin aware of this?”

I shook my head, “Nothing specific. He knows my plan to leave, but with everything so fresh and new I don’t want to worry him needlessly.”

“You are planning on telling him,” He pushed, “Right?”

I nodded, “The plan is to leave at sunset tomorrow. I’ll have more coverage at night just in case there are elf camps in the forest.”

I thought about the elf camp Jimin stalked that first night and shuttered. There were so many of them out there who had not come into the village. It was baffling to me why they would hesitate in their fighting only to move on so quickly. It gave the wolves too much time to plan and strategize and I knew they were not foolish enough to think they had better odds now. The wolves were on guard. The only thing that made sense were allies hiding in our ranks. Allies who were telling them our every move.

“Tell me something,” I dropped my voice even lower. “If I promise you that I will come back with help, will you keep the truth from the others?”

Stopping in his tracks, Taehyung stared at me. Jimin said the two of them had been speaking of a possible traitor and I would hope my friend would understand my perspective. My loyalty to the both of them was all consuming, my love was my life, and I would do whatever it takes to help them. Even if it meant lying to the man I loved more than life itself.

“I can’t keep something like this from him, Y/N,” Taehyung sighed. “You are my friend, but so is Jimin, and you cannot ask me to pick one over the other.”

“Even with the spy?” I challenged.

He looked through me then, his eyes burning a hole into my face searching for something. I don’t think I would ever know what Taehyung saw in me that day, but whatever it was it gave him pause. I had never felt just how strong or large Taehyung was until that moment. His frame towered over mine, his legs long and lanky, and his face impassive. That impenetrable wall that I found so disconcerting.

“Even then,” He smiled at me. “I would never risk your life or Jimin’s friendship. Even if you begged me to keep quiet, I would let him know the moment you were out of my sight.”

And I could not stop my returning grin. This was what I loved most about the boy, his endless love and compassion for others. He played tricks, told jokes, and made my head hurt from his never ending questions, but he also adored me in ways I had never been before. He adored my brain, my thoughts, and my courage.

A memory of us in the cottage came back to me then. The sun had just come up and I had just gotten home. My training with Thelma had been brutal that night and I had hardly done anything, and my emotions were growing, expanding, and becoming harder to manage. Jimin was still asleep, his pale skin beautiful in the sun, and I did not want to disturb his peace.

When I went to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea, I found Taehyung already up and a book in his lap. We had our typical small talk, a morning just like any other, but once I sat down at the dining table, I found him just watching me. The book was long gone, his face hard, and his eyes observing me. Those eyes that took in everything they possibly could. I wondered then if he knew what I was doing, where I was going, and why. Instead of answering those questions, Taehyung pushed his growing hair out of his eyes and beamed at me.

“I don’t think I’ve ever told you how thankful I am that you’re letting me stay here,” He said.

Tired and worn, I brushed him off like I always had. I was never the one for compliments and did not know what to say, especially with my guilt eating me alive. Taehyung ignored whatever poor attempts I had made to make him stop talking.

“Thank you,” He bowed his head. “I will never forget your kindness or strength. Hell, even your anger! You’re the first person I’d ever seen make Namjoon lose his cool.”

I ignored him and sipped on my tea. I don’t even think I looked at him again. I drank my tea, listened, and hoped Jimin would not wake up. I wanted to sleep in his arms for a while. It made the nightmares more bearable.

“I know you don’t really like this kind of thing,” Taehyung continued to babble. “I know you’re uncomfortable because of the way your hands tremble and your breathing changes. I’m sorry you don’t feel like you deserve my praise, but I want to give it to you anyway.”

“Why?” I rasped, looking out of the large window beside me.

It was the same window a white wolf had come to and asked for help.

“Because you’re hurting right now, and I want you to know it’ll be okay. No matter what happens you will always be my friend, and Jimin will always love you.”

Looking around me now, it was difficult to imagine a more beautiful sight. It had been so long since I last saw the trees in the sun, and it took my breath away. The heat and warmth were never far away but still felt foreign on my skin. It was still as quiet as a mouse out here, but I basked in its beauty regardless. Taehyung’s teeth were blinding, and I needed to squint.

“We’ll always be friends, right?” I asked.

He held up a pinky, “Always.”

I wrapped my finger around his and sighed.

Diving into the story once again, I told Taehyung why I had been distraught during those last few weeks. His reaction, much like the rest of him, was completely different from both Cadoc and Jimin’s. Even the witches had nothing on Taehyung, because as soon as I was finished, Taehyung hugged me and told me he loved me.

“What?” I choked.

“You were so afraid,” He patted the top of my head and pulled away. “You worked so hard for my family and friends. Thank you.”

“But-but,” I spluttered, “I messed up. I didn’t say anything. I got all of those poor people killed. My own friend-”

“But you tried so hard,” Taehyung soothed. “You wore yourself out learning those spells, you spent every single night trying to get better, and kept it all bottled up. How could I be mad at you for that?”

“Because I let you down,” I muttered. “I let everyone down.”

“No, you didn’t,” He chuckled. “When it counted you were there. You killed yourself, quite literally, mind you, for all of us without knowing it would work. You fought by our sides and gave up a life in the spirit world. You gave up your best friend.”

Bringing Shiloh up tugged on my heart strings. I missed her so much. I knew I would see her again someday, but I hoped she got her wish in the end. She deserved to be beautiful and dance in the sunlight like she always wanted. Sword fights and cooking were two things she dreamed of, and I knew she would be amazing at both if given the chance. I could only hope her hair would be as brightly colored as she imagined even when her human mind forgot all about our adventures. She would even forget about me.

“And after it all you’re still you.”

Looking up at Taehyung, another facet of his personality made itself known to me. On top of his naive, golden-hearted mischief, Taehyung was also a wiseman. Aldara had spoken of his grandmother before, and I could see that that trait was passed onto her eldest grandchild.

“But I still did a bad thing,” I whispered, my voice thick. “And I want to make sure I do everything I can possibly do to make this easier on us. I need all of you to live, Tae. I couldn’t bare it if anyone else died.”

“And we need you to live, too, Bridd,” He replied gently.

I said nothing. I knew that was the truth, but we obviously had different ideas about what was important. My own life meant very little to me after the fight with the elf. Hell, my life had meant little to me the night I found the cottage on fire, but I understood where Taehyung was coming from. I was his friend and he wanted to make sure I was alright. Thinking of Jimin, I knew my life meant even more to him. Still, I held onto my own ideas and that included keeping all of them as far away from harm’s way as possible.

He smiled sadly, “Who are you bringing?”

I sighed, “I haven’t made a decision yet. I don’t want to place anybody at risk or leave you unprotected in case I don’t make it back in time,” I did not voice my concerns for not returning at all. “Cadoc thinks Samanya should be with me, but she’s so fierce I’d rather be here to watch over Jimin.”

“Koda is a wonderful option,” Taehyung suggested after a beat. “She was a warrior in Viridi Gramine and served with the copiae for many years. She would be helpful for getting you to Ozryn and the Quietus would be extra security.”

I could not say the plan was bad, it was far too good, but that was the problem. Koda was an older woman now who could no longer change as far as I knew. She would be slow, and I would have to work twice as hard keeping her out of harm's way. I would have better luck going alone with Sam and finding our own way.

“Then again,” The alpha sucked his teeth, “Koda is rather old. Perhaps Jungkook? No, he’s a boy and too childish.”

The ‘prince’ as Ahn dubbed him was always ready for a fight and light on his feet. He reminded me of Taehyung and Hoseok wrapped up into one young man, but I had my doubts on his ability to follow instructions. Anytime I had seen Jungkook he was either in trouble or on his way into it. So, for my own sanity in the coming weeks, I would agree with Taehyung.

“What about Hoseok?” Taehyung snapped his fingers. “Oh! He would be a perfect choice.”

I nodded along with him knowing I would never ask the alpha to come with me. He and Hyuna were a package deal and that was too many to take along. If I was taking Samanya then I would only bring one other, and I doubted his mate would allow him to go regardless. He almost died a few days ago and was still on bed rest at their home.

“It’s too bad he’s resting,” I threw out knowing it would rule him out entirely. “I should just take Samanya and the two of us can figure it out together.”

“There’s always Namjoon.”

I shook my head vigorously.

“Absolutely not.”

I had made peace with the wolf during the fight, and I was certain our fight in my meadow was long forgotten. It did not mean I wanted to shack up with the alpha. He had proven to me his fickle nature and inability to make a decision on his own. He would be easily swayed, and I did not respect him for it. The thought of traveling with him made my head hurt.

“So stubborn,” Taehyung teased. “Fine. I’ll leave it alone.”

“Thank you.”

“Now,” He grinned, “Care to go gather some of those books I like so much? I think they’ll be a nice way to decompress during the night.”

Walking through the streets, I was pleased by the progress everyone had made rebuilding. The market was still destroyed, but so many homes and businesses on the southside were almost completely finished. The north, were the copiae lived, would be the last place rebuilt. Elder Kim had said the children needed a place to go and the few homes that stood were not enough to house them all. Bo, in her typical fashion, was upset by this but held her tongue.

She never wanted to disrespect a man. The thought made me roll my eyes.

Spotting Namjoon, I was pleased to see him and Taehyung working together. The younger alpha’s family home had been destroyed, all of them having to stay in the palace’s already crowded towers, but his mother was going stir crazy. Catching my gaze, Namjoon offered me a small, hesitant wave. I responded with a polite smile and continued walking. Taehyung was none the wiser.

I was greeted many times, all of them kind, and I tried to stop and help however I could. My magic was still weaker than I would like, and I had not had any time to flex my abilities since the attack. Today, I was hoping to change that.

“Would you like for me to help you with that?” I asked an elderly couple struggling to lift leftover roof tiles from their recent repairs.

“That would be lovely, Oxur Park,” The man replied, his voice gruff. “Just put them in that wheelbarrow. We’re giving the rest to Alpha Taehyung’s family.”

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and attempted to focus. I was lucky the pieces were in a fairly neat pile and would be simple to move so long as I concentrated. A bead of sweat formed on my eyebrow. Lifting my hands, I mumbled under my breath.

“Flotian,” Cracking an eye open, the pile lifted effortlessly.

As quickly as possible, I brought the tiles to the wheelbarrow. Panting now, I knew I needed to flex my muscles a bit more. I was out of shape, and it was showing. With a loud clang, the tiles were ready to be pushed to Taehyung’s.

“Need a hand?”

Dropping my stance, I wiped my forehead and looked at Namjoon. He looked as weary as he had a few moments before, but this time I gave him a real smile. He returned it awkwardly. Whatever had happened during the battle had worn off, his confidence in helping me was replaced by the tongue-twisted man who had stood in my living room begging for forgiveness. Like so many, I owed him an apology as well. Gesturing at the wheelbarrow, I nodded.

“Thank you,” The old woman gushed. “God bless you both!”

Embarrassed, I ducked my head and bowed to the couple. Getting busy with the task, I pointed out a few loose pieces that would not fit in the wheelbarrow. Namjoon gathered them and handed them to my outstretched hands. Taking hold of the heavy, blue metal, the alpha began pushing. I used magic and the leftover tiles floated, following us back down the road.

“Taehyung tells me you are traveling to Viridi Gramine soon.”

I was not expecting small talk, but I was even more taken aback by the lie. The boy was quicker than I thought. The fib would make my disappearance easier to swallow without leading the spies on my trail. It did, however, pose an issue for their neighbors. If the elves believed the wolves to be ready for an attack out East, they may choose to invade sooner.

“Yes,” I lied easily, the word falling off my tongue with such conviction I was almost convinced myself. “I leave in a few days.”

“Would you like an extra set of hands?” He asked. “I know you and I have been on differing sides as of late, but I would like for that to change. I do respect you immensely.”

I smiled sadly. After speaking so ill of the man earlier today he was ready to drop everything to help me. Even if it was to make amends, I acknowledged how unpleasant being away would be. If I were less prideful, I may have accepted his proposal. As it stands, my pride was the only thing I still had to hold on.

“I owe you an apology,” I replied. “I was not fair to you. I let my anger blind me. It seems that’s all I’m good for these days.”

I thought of Jimin and his gentle caresses. I did not deserve his kindness. With the rumors spreading he was bound to hear of Taehyung’s lie. He would have a few choice words for me, that I was sure, but I knew we would work through it if I was given a chance to explain myself. He trusted me enough to allow me that. At least, I hoped he did.

“Regardless,” I sighed, “I’m sorry. I was out of line. I hope you can forgive me.”

“I have never been known to hold grudges for very long,” The man replied.

“Still, I will have to decline the offer,” I threw the tiles on the ground. We were at the edge of Taehyung’s property and the young alpha was hard at work. With barely more than a small wave, Taehyung greeted us. Sparing Namjoon a tight-lipped smile, I continued. “I want as many people in Bangtan as possible. I’m traveling with a small group of quietus.”

Namjoon nodded, his long hair falling out of its loose ponytail.

“Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

“I’m sure I won’t.”

With that, I bid both alphas goodbye and turned back around.

Standing in front of Jimin’s home was a short, pear-shaped woman. Her salt and pepper hair falling messily around her shoulders, thick bangs boxing in her already squared face. Tanned and beginning to show signs of her aging, her eyes crinkled happily at their corners as I approached. Her dress was tighter than it should have been, almost indecent in comparison to the other women around, but her large hips made it difficult to sew around. Her body would be considered provocative by the men, but the sight of it only made me feel inferior.

I had not realized Jimin’s mother was so beautiful.

“Y/N,” She greeted me happily, her voice soft and sugary sweet.

I bowed, covering my chest with a hand, and closed my eyes. I needed only a second to regroup myself. I had not been prepared to meet my fiance’s mother today. Especially without him by my side. Mi-Jeong radiated positive energy and her smile was infectious. I hoped I looked as happy as she did, but I only felt myself growing more overwhelmed.

“Good afternoon, Mrs.Park,” I winced at how breathless I sounded. I cleared my throat. “How are you?”

“I’m well,” She winked. I did not know why. “You’re just in time for lunch.”

Ushering me inside, I was relieved to hear Jin’s loud voice booming over all of the others. Yoongi was no longer on the living room floor, and Wendy’s gentle laugh mixed with the others. Elated, I quickly took off my shoes and made my way into the kitchen. Mi-Jeong followed behind me, her little feet pitter-pattering against the wooden floors.

The little house was in perfect condition and the smell of fresh paint hung in the air. Spotting Callisto and Hyun-Jin, I smiled at the paint staining their clothes. At least we were all trying to make the most of our horrible situation. Enver was the first to spot me and a huge, face-splitting smile broke out across his little face.

“Bridd!” He cried; his excitement palpable.

A streak of baby blue paint stuck to his cheek, but I did not care. The boy ran to give me a hug and I felt the wet paint soak through my dress. Greeted with loud, obnoxious cheers, I waved the others off and let go of my young friend. Yoongi looked around and I was sad to see he was still disabled. I had a feeling that would be a part of his life now. I hoped it would one day fade, but I was not sure the magic elves used to cause such damage.

“You have to try this,” Wendy moaned, pushing a large plate of noodles my way.

The noodles were thick and covered in a thick, chunky, black sauce. They smelled heavenly. Wendy passed over her pair of chopsticks and gestured at the plate once more. Her mouth was still filled. Picking up a large mouthful, I slurped.

They were delicious. So savory and salty it made my eyes close in content. The noise of content I made was involuntary and I quickly went in for another bite. The plate was pulled away from me and I scowled. Yoona raised an eyebrow at me.

“Is there meat in this?” I asked.

“Pork,” Callisto replied, chewing on a large plate of vegetable noodles.

My stomach turned uncomfortably, and I was suddenly less enthusiastic. They were so delicious; I was almost angry about the pork’s presence. Still, I watched Yoongi bite down on a piece of fried fish and felt less guilty. These were trying times and beggars could not be chooser. I grabbed the bowl back, took another large bite, before Yoona pulled back her way.

“There’s plenty of food. You don’t get to hog all of the Jajangmyeon.”

Someone tapped my shoulder. Mi-Jeong smiled at me, and it reminded me so much of Jimin’s I paused. Holding up a pair of clean chopsticks, she chuckled. I handed Wendy back the borrowed sticks and took my own. Seemingly satisfied, the little woman elbowed her way into the circle and began to grab the dishes she wanted for herself.

The dining table was far too big for all of us to sit at and it seemed everyone chose to stand. Yoongi and Tae-Jin, who had been discharged from the infirmary this morning, were the only two who sat. Mi-Jeong moved Enver out of her way and sat. I could see Wendy placing food on Yoongi’s plate and frowned.

I would have a talk with her about that at some point. I did not have the time or patience to deal with any of that right now. Jin noticed where I was looking and turned. With a deep sigh, he shook his head, but ignored it. It was probably for the best. A couple’s quarrel would cause a huge uproar within the families.

“Good to see you walking around, Mr.Kim,” I greeted Jin’s father.

“Nice to see you, too, kid.”

Passing around bowls and plates, I listened to the conversations around me. Jin and Wendy helped Jimin’s family with the construction repairs, and Mi-Jeong let Enver pick out the new colors for the walls. She had taken a very big liking to the boy. Thelma and the other women were taking a break from helping a family a few houses down but were planning on getting back to work as soon as they were finished eating.

“I was able to get Mannix this morning,” Jin threw my way. “Poor boy was shaking and so scared. He fell asleep in Callisto’s bed.”

I frowned. August, Yoongi’s cat, rubbed against my legs and I guessed he had gone for both of them. Hopefully the two of them will feel better soon. They had been left alone for quite a while. Wendy started talking about the witches from Syrena. Apparently, her coven was planning on coming out to the village to help. That brightened my mood. At least, in my absence, others will be around to help.

Callisto and Mi-Jeong soon left the room taking Thelma and Tae-Jin in tow. They were going to figure out a way to fix some of the loose floorboards in my future sister-in-law’s room. The circle around the table started to dissipate leaving only Yoongi, Jin, Wendy, and Ji-Hyun behind. The three of my friends were all jokingly loudly with one another as I took Mi-Jeong’s seat.

“So, Viridi Gramine?” Ji-Hyun’s eyes were telling, and I knew from the arch of his brow he did not believe Taehyung for a second. “Are you sure you can trust a Quietus to take care of you?”

The wolf was relaxed, his face and body language giving nothing away. Crouched beside my chair we would look like we were having a normal conversation, but he could not keep the malice out of his tone. Sinking into the chair, I turned my body towards his and hoped I could remain neutral. I did not want to fight with Jimin’s brother, but I refused to be intimidated.

I cleared my throat, “I’m sure we will be just fine.”

I did not have the heart to tell him I had yet to make any real decisions. That this entire trip was going to be a convoluted road of impulsive decisions. That I was going to be in more danger than anyone else could ever know. Ji-Hyun’s icy glare told me I did not need to say a word. He already knew what I was doing. His eyes were far more unnerving than Taehyung’s.

“Well,” He spoke softly, careful to keep the others from overhearing, “We can all hope you change your mind. Seeing you hurt would be heartbreaking for my brother. He barely survived it the last time.”

I had to commend the boy; he was very good at laying on the guilt. A thick cloud of shame wrapped itself around my body and it took effort to keep my expression neutral. Again, as it had been for days now, my anger bubbled to the surface. I could not remember being this angry in many, many years. I thought back to Namjoon and the incident in my front yard and looked away.

I was lying to myself. Lying horribly. If I said I could not remember the last time I was able to relax then that would be more truthful. Anxiety and anger were a part of who I was, but I did a wonderful job at hiding it behind snarky comments and isolation. I had never been around so many people for this long and hiding these facets of my personality were growing harder and harder. Soon it would be impossible. This trip could be a blessing in disguise. Once again, I wanted to go off on my own. I knew I was lonely- it was companionship that I was working out.

I thought of Shiloh and sighed heavily. At least she knew when to give me my space. No one else seemed to understand my needs the same way. It was to be expected. She had been with me since I was a young child and never once thought about going away. When the others moved on with their lives after Aldara’s death, when they left me to destroy myself after I burned my bridges, there was Shiloh and her kindness. The singular light in my life for as long as I could remember- the only shine coming close being Yoongi. Now I was alone again and did not know when they would leave. This time, my closest ally was dealing with his own problems and would not have time for mine.

“I’ll be back soon.”

“We’ll see.”

It clicked then. Ji-Hyun believed I was fleeing.

“You may have everyone else fooled,” His voice was so soft, so low, I was positive we were the only two who could understand a word he said. “But know this- if you ever hurt my brother again, I will not be so forgiving. Taehyung is a fool to let you do this. I wouldn’t trust you as far as I could throw you.”

Smirking at my distress, Ji-Hyun pushed his hair out of his face.

“You’re abandoning us,” He cocked his head to the side and gave me a scathing once over. “Jimin would be a fool to think overwise. You will always be a coward. I mean, you let my friends die without blinking an eye, what’s the rest of them?”

Disgusted, I stood and placed my chopsticks in the kitchen sink before stalking back outside. I did not need to put up with his bullshit on top of everything else I was handling. He should feel lucky I walked away. Violent images of striking the boy with fire filled my head followed by ripping his head off the way I had the elf’s.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I used all of my willpower to push my murderous thoughts to the deepest corners of my mind. Again, I was losing control. Stepping out front, I took a breath of fresh air and made every attempt to calm my racing heart. Instead of calm, however, I became even angrier. Because right in front of me was none other than Jimin, the love of my life, looking at me as if I were a perfect stranger.

“Leaving already?” He asked, eyes narrowed.

Great, just great, now he was mad at me as well. My already shaky control was spiraling. I felt my skin heating and my breathing picked back up. I was going to explode if he did not stop. I bit my lip and took a nice, deep breath. His scent did little to calm me. In fact, a small spike in anxiety only made my fists clench.

“I’m going for a walk,” I managed to get out, my voice far lighter than I was expecting. Jimin’s face darkened. “I didn’t realize it was taboo. Is walking illegal now?”

My sarcasm was not aiding either one of us right now. Whatever the reason for his anger, I should not be egging him on. Yet, I could not stop it. Trembling, I closed the front door and took a few more steps outside. Jimin did not move. I did not want to get any closer to him.

“Why is Taehyung lying to everyone?” He demanded, voice low and husky.

“Ask him yourself,” I snapped, already fed up with everyone and their conclusions.

“Are you lying to me?”

Scoffing, I shoved our shoulders as I passed him. He gave me a low, warning growl and turned to face me. Whatever voice that usually told me to bite my tongue was not around. It must have realized I would not listen. Looking up at him, I struggled to figure out how I really felt. Angry? Sad? Disappointed?

Looking into his eyes, I realized I was hurt. And that was a recipe for disaster. Steeling, I shook my head and looked at my feet. I had forgotten my shoes in my haste to get out of there.

“I told you we would speak, didn’t I?” I challenged. “How is that lying to you? Have you no faith in me at all?”

His pained expression told me everything that I needed to know.

“Of course,” I pulled away from him as if I had been burned. “Why would you anyway? It is me after all.”

“Amica-”

“No,” I threw my hands up. “I’ll see you later.”

I needed time to cool off and get my head back on. We had yet to argue, and I knew I would soon devolve into insults and petty jabs. I walked away without looking back, ignoring him calling out for me. He didn’t understand. They never understand.

I should have known he could never forgive me.

Koda stood beside my bedroom door, a large towel in one hand and a small pile of cloth in the other. Her thin clothes would have done little to help me in the cold hallways, but I doubted she felt the draft. She gave me a gentle smile as I approached which I returned. It seemed she would be adhering to Sol’s request from this morning.

“What time will you be leaving tonight?” She asked, handing me the towel.

“After I bathe,” I replied. “I will shift and leave through the broken window downstairs.”

Koda chuckled breathily. We were both keeping our voices down. Neither one of us wanted our conversation to be overheard by prying ears. I knew Bo was listening, but her chambers were on the opposite side of the palace. Even if she tried her best, I doubted she would be able to hear us- unless she was lurking around corners. I would not put it past her.

“That’s been repaired,” Koda sniffed the air, paused, and continued to walk. “I’ve broken the latches on your bedroom window, so you should be able to leave easily tonight.”

After my bath, Koda left me to dress myself and walk back to my room. She was trying to respect my privacy as much as possible, but I knew it was difficult for her to watch me do what she perceived as her job. I would never get used to someone else washing my hair- it was strange. She did, however, put her foot down about drying my hair properly.

“You will get sick, Y/N,” She scolded me gently, her fingers already in my hair.

She took great care and time drying the strands. She never pulled too hard or placed too much pressure on my scalp. After drying it completely, she ran oils and products through it that smell heavily of rose. I tried to convince her to let me go earlier, pleading that I needed to see Jimin, but she refused to budge. Koda was stubborn when she wanted to be.

By the time I left, it was long past midnight, and I was certain that Jimin would already be in bed. Before I could make it to him, Cadoc was floating beside me and told me we needed to speak. Tonight, we would talk about the trip and who I would be bringing. Tomorrow I will be leaving. It only served to make me all the more restless. Tonight, would be our last night and I wanted to get as much time in as I could. Even if it started with an argument, I was hopeful we could end it entangled in his bed.

“What?” I snapped, landing on the ground.

Shifting back, I stood in the destroyed market in nothing but the thin, cotton gown Koda gave me. The air was far more bothersome as a human than a bird and I rubbed my arms. Cadoc smiled apologetically and raised his arms in surrender.

“We will be quick, okay?”

I grit my teeth and nod.

“Have you made a decision yet?” He asked.

“I will go with Sam,” I conceited, hoping this conversation would be over soon.

“She will be pleased to hear that,” Cadoc grinned. “Lorcan will deliver everything you need to take with you tonight. Look over it as much as you can tomorrow, and Sam will meet up with you at your cottage.”

“Thank you.”

Cadoc shook his head, “No thanks needed.”

My skin itched to walk away from him. I wanted to see Jimin, but I knew this was an important conversation. Trying my best to stay pleasant, I nodded and forced a smile on my face. From Cadoc’s amused expression, I failed miserably. Bidding me a goodnight, Cadoc vanished into the wind leaving me alone once more.

Jimin was pacing when I walked into his small home. His hair was let loose, the silver strands frizzed and wild, but beautiful, nonetheless. Our fight this afternoon was still bothering him, and when I closed the front door, his head snapped in my direction. Worrying his bottom lip, I could see blood pooling where he had bitten off his skin. Eyes turning into slits, Jimin’s glare was murderous.

“So, you’re planning on getting yourself killed?”

The question hung in the tense air. Whatever hopes I had for this being a good night were dashed away. Cocking his head to the side, Jimin waited for me to speak but I could not find the words to say. He knew and I was at a loss. Taehyung must have said something in the fear that I really would take the cowardly route.

“Nothing to say?” Jimin pushed, seething. “You had plenty to say at my mother’s. Come on then, tell me.”

I scowled. His bad attitude was understandable, but it did little to soften my increasingly hurt feelings. That anger from earlier was rearing its ugly head. I had plans to tell him tonight and I was angry at Taehyung for going behind my back. Squaring my shoulders, I sighed loudly.

“I doubt you’d listen to me anyway,” My voice was cold and hard. Far harder than I intended for it to be. “You’ve already seemed to have your mind made up about things.”

Scoffing, Jimin marched towards me with a purpose. Standing my ground, I tried my best to dispel my growing anger with little success. My newfound temperament would only make this situation worse but when our chests pressed together and Jimin looked every bit the alpha he was, I did not care. I wanted to scream and fight, bite and scratch, maybe then I could feel myself relax. Maybe all of my anger was a buildup of pressure that I desperately needed to get rid of.

“Why is it that I have to hear about this plan of yours from Sol of all people?” He demanded.

Of course, Taehyung would have spoken to his mate about our conversation. I was foolish to believe anything between us would remain a secret. Now, Sol’s face flashed through my mind and my resent bubbled over. Who the hell was she to tell Jimin anything?

“Why are you taking her word over mine?” I challenged, my teeth gritted.

“Stop answering my questions with questions!” Jimin shouted, walking away from me. “I believe Sol more than anybody. More than you. At least one of you has never kept anything from me.”

That was a low blow and we both knew it. Instead of remorse, the flash of guilt that came across his face soon morphed into indifference. He almost seemed proud of the insult. I refused to cry, the angry sting in my eyes only adding fuel to my already raging fire, and I swallowed thickly. Two can play this game but if he was more concerned about winning then I would gladly let him insult me alone. Taking a step back, I prepared to leave for the night.

“For what it’s worth,” I looked at my feet, “I really am sorry.”

“Stop apologizing to me,” Jimin snapped, his voice so harsh and critical it made me cower. “You’ve done nothing but apologize for days. What else can you do?”

I knew he was just upset and hurt by my plans, our fight only making this one that much worse. I knew he would never say something like that to me under normal circumstances. I knew he would feel awful for his choice of words once he had the chance to cool off. Yet, the hurt and anger spread through my chest and infected every part of my body. He was right, I could not offer him anything but apologies. I knew it was too good to be true. Spiraling once more, I did not realize I was crying until the tears ran down my neck and tickled me.

“Don’t apologize when you’re going to keep doing this shit,” He spat, each word laced with venom. He was only a few feet away from me and I had never felt further away from him. “Apologize when you decide to change. Apologize when you realize I don’t need a martyr- I need someone who won’t lie and keep things from me.”

“I skewed up, alright?” I finally responded, “But I never once lied to you.”

“Yes-”

“No,” I cut him off, my blood boiling. “I did not lie. I told you I was leaving, that it would be difficult, and I told you I would tell you when I knew more.”

“But you were thinking of lying to me till the end!” He screamed.

“I admit that,” I shot right back, my voice growing louder. “I would do anything if it meant you were safe- even if that meant lying to you.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you!”

“Morologus es!”

The silence was so very loud then. Bottom lip wobbling, I took yet another step back. Whatever comeback I could have thought of fell short. Jimin’s conviction was astonishing, and his doubt felt like a punch in the gut. I needed to get out of here. I could hardly breathe, and his scent was becoming suffocating.

“Stop using me as an excuse,” His onslaught continued. “Just admit you want to be the hero. You can’t just be happy with me- no! You have to be the Bridd who runs, and jumps, and begs for the slightest bit of danger if it means she can be the victor! Even when it means getting an entire village killed!”

His words felt like a slap in the face. Was that the reason he thought I wanted to go? It had never even crossed my mind, but the confidence he held made me doubt myself. Wiping my face, I shouted obscenities and tried to catch my breath. I knew he blamed me. It was all my fault. All of this was my fault. Jimin completely ignored me and stood a few feet away, his words like knives, and his gaze like stone.

“This-” He gestured between the two of us, “-Whatever you think you may feel for me is wrong. You don’t love me. This is not love. Running towards your death to redeem yourself is not loving me.”

“Sorry doesn’t fix everything,” He murmured, the edge finally beginning to soften.

“Did you say something to your brother?” I demanded.

“Wh-what?” He spluttered.

I laughed humorlessly, “Cut the shit, Jimin. Whatever you’ve said about me has obviously affected his view of me, or was calling me murderer some one-off occurrence? Somehow, I have a hard time believing he’s come to that conclusion all on his own.”

“Ji-Hyun would never say something like that,” He hissed, his breath heavy. “Why would I speak badly about you behind your back? Unlike you, I’m an upfront person.”

My anger flared once more, and I could slowly see the corners of my vision distorting. As badly as I wanted to end this fight and make up, I knew that would not be possible. Not now. Not ever. Again, he was calling me a liar. Again, I would have to fight this uphill battle to prove myself. Again, I was losing a game I never knew I was playing in the first place.

Cadoc had been wrong. Love was never given freely. Nothing in this life was. Jimin would always need for me to prove myself to him. I would have to fight, bite, scream, and scratch if I wanted to show him that I care. Why I ever hoped it would be different was foolish on my part.

“Are you so angry at me that you’re dragging my brother into this?” He shouted.

I scoffed, “There you go again, treating me as if I am some kind of irrational monster. So, I ask you again, do you really think that little of me?”

Jimin said nothing. Frustrated and tired, I finally had enough. I could smell ash and smoke all around me, and I knew I was about to find myself back at my cottage. Cordelia’s face was in my mind, Aldara’s arm hanging out of the wolf’s mouth, and I knew I needed to leave. Numb and slowly dissociating, I sniffled.

“Fine.”

“What?” He had the nerve to look abashed.

Hand on the front doorknob, I shook my head in defeat. It was over. Jimin was rejecting my love and whatever else I had to offer him. He did not believe in me at all. Somehow that hurt me more than the rejection. His faith had always been constant, his love tender and warm, and that was gone now, too. I had nothing. I was nothing. I deserved whatever I had coming to me. Finally, I had gotten my wish. Finally, he was shouting.

“I didn’t mean to ruin your life,” Devoid of emotion, I sniffled. “I know I made a mistake, but I’m trying my best. Doesn’t that matter?” My voice tapered off towards the end.

Jimin said nothing. I turned the knob and was back outside. I stopped waiting for him to stop me once I could no longer see his home. My feet felt like they weighed twenty pounds each and dragged along the dirt road beneath my feet. I needed to get back home. I chuckled humorlessly when I realized I no longer had one.

I truly gave up on him coming to gather me in his arms once the palace came into view. It was eerily quiet tonight and I wanted to go get lost. I wanted to forget. I wanted to leave.

The thought occurred to me so quickly, so easily, that it made me smile. Yes, I would leave tonight. It was better this way. I would no longer be a burden to this place and the others could live peacefully without me. Even if I died, I doubted it would matter. Nothing I had ever done worked out anyway. It would be nothing new.

Shifting, I scaled the walls and flew into my bedroom. Just as Cadoc said there were countless items at my disposal all wrapped up and ready to go. I would have plenty of time to look over them tomorrow morning. I would sleep in Moland tonight, hopefully not getting too lost, and try to ask for directions once I reached civilization. It was better than hurting anybody else. It was better than getting any more blood on my hands.

At least I could remain the hero.

I cried in pain. I could not believe he thought so lowly of me. No wonder he refused to touch me, I probably disgusted him to no end, and he was hateful that we were bound to one another. Something told me I should stop packing, stop moving, and to breathe, but I ignored it. I did not care what it had to say.

Throwing a few spare changes of clothes, paper, and a few spell books, I knew I needed to change out of the frilly nightgown Koda had changed me into. Throwing on an old, loose shirt, I looked around for my trousers when I stumbled across Aldara’s journals. I had yet to open them since I came here. Running my fingers over the spines, I made the split decision to take them with me. I would need her company to keep me sane.

Finally, I came to a stop as I caught sight of my jewelry box. I had Heidi’s ring on my left hand and Griselda’s on my right, but they felt far too empty. Opening the lid, the cool ceramic felt heavier than normal in my hands. It took a few minutes of digging before I found Aldara’s ring and slipped on my right hand. The bird’s head encased my entire index finger, but I did not care. I would be taking this ring. I found my own a moment later, a chain wrapped around the band.

Pulling it out, I secured it around my neck and looked down. I gasped. There shining and glittering under the candlelight was Taehyung’s necklace. The carnelian had been marginally larger than the tip of my thumb, perfectly rounded, and it’s red coloring deep and beautiful. I could see the faint, dark marbling within it, but the lights made it hard to capture its beauty. Spiraling around the stone was a thin wire of steel that ended with a small loop. I thought Taehyung would like something simple, so I finished it off with a long piece of dark cord that I carefully braided. It was beautiful.

My anger dissipated at the sight of it. I had spent days working on that necklace hoping I would not break the stone. I completed it a few days before the present ceremony, but when everything went to shit, I had completely forgotten about it. I placed it on the desk and sighed.

Thick, hot tears ran down my cheeks as I cried. I had such high hopes for everyone. If I could turn back time I would, why could nobody see that? Why was Taehyung the only person I believed when he said he would love me regardless? Bitter, I wiped my face roughly and went back to packing.

He was the only one who meant it, that’s why.

Reaching into my back, I pulled out a single sheet of paper and prepared my ink. I would have to leave something for him at least. No need to worry the people who cared for me. Even Jimin. I can’t forgive myself, but I could forgive him. Maybe when I come back, we could work things out.

Taehyung,

Do you remember this? It feels like a lifetime ago. I hope you like it. I wish I could have made a matching one for Sol, but maybe that would have been too perfect. When I get back, I will make sure I have one waiting for her neck. The two of you deserve it. Even if I am angry with your wife, I know I will get over that soon enough.

Tell the others how sorry I am for this impromptu banishment. I fear I have made a real mess of things lately and I don’t know how to make it better. No one believes in me, no one thinks I’m capable, and I can’t figure out what it is they mean by it? Am I not strong enough or is it because it does not matter? I’m sorry if this is confusing. Tonight, has been too much for me. No- today has been too much. The last ten years have been too much.

I haven’t had my head on right in a very long time, Tae. So, I beg of you to forgive me. I promise you that no one had a part in my decision to leave like this. It’s all my own doing. I can only hope I make it back in time to tell you how much you mean to me. How much all of you mean to me.

Tell Yoongi that I will miss him more than I miss breathing. Tell Jin his laughter will be something I think about to keep me going. Tell Wendy how much I’m going to miss her hugs and will yearn for them every day. I need my witches to know that I adore every single one of them and will do whatever it takes to keep them out of harm’s way. Thank Thelma for me. Let Enver know how proud I am and that the blue looks nice.

Lastly, let Jimin know I love him more than anything else in this life. Even my own. That will never change, even when he is frustrated and angry at the world. I promise I will try my best to come back home in one piece. I promise, as the Gods look down upon me, that I will do everything in my power to bring help back. I don’t care where I have to go or what I have to do. I will not come back empty handed this time.

Be careful. The elves are not known for their mercy.

With all my love,

Y/N

Slipping on my pants, snatching a pair of earrings Yoongi gifted me for my birthday a few years ago, and lacing up pair of boots, I slung the bag over my back and enchanted my things to flex and change as I did. Afterwards, I shifted and flew out of the window. I did not look down or wait for somebody to find me. Tomorrow morning, they would wake and the cause of all their misery would be gone. I would fight tooth and nail if it meant I had a better chance of getting help to these people. Aldara had never led me astray before.

I wished I could have told Jimin that.

Broken hearted and lost, I flew above the trees and watched the world I know leave me behind. Flying would get me somewhere, but the elves would grow suspicious of a raven wearing a backpack. Soaring, Thelma’s small boat home cut through the trees and I knew I would have some place to rest my head tonight.

I wished Jimin could have been here with me.

Translations:

Matrina - Godmother

Patrinus - Godfather

Mi conjunx - My wife (Addressing)

Mi coniunx - My husband (Addressing)

Morologus es! - You’re talking like a moron!

I know I’m a jerk for this...please don’t be mad at me. It’ll get better... eventually.

Taglist: @greezenini @adventures-in-bookland @kthstrawberryshortcake-main @zae007live @jimin-neverout @nikkiordonez12 @canarystwin @yamekomz @chimthicc @michiiedreamer @amorieus

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nrcnewspaperclub · 2 months

Text

Welcome To Our Club!

this serves as a Masterlist for the blog and will be updated as time goes on last Updated: April 9, 2024

Introduction

This blog is run by the members of the NRC Newspaper Club. Each post will have tags that mark down the club member that answers them and the asker’s name/emoji(s) Current members: 🪞, 🪸, 🪶 Personal blog(s): @nerei-murena, @rene-umbrielle, @caelum-estes Current readers: 🍋, Atlas, 🥀, voidlesslove, 🐦‍⬛✨, 🌿 mod, 🐚 mod, 🪼, 💛⭐️, 🕷️, info anon, 🐇, 🪻, 🍒, Floyd Leech, Yuu, 🍊, 🟦, catfish, 🍄, Mono, Lost anon, gardening club, 🐾, 🎲, Ignihyde Splatoon Anon, Ignihyde Translator, 🎤, 🪡, ⚔️, 🦖, 🍭🕷️, 🐍❤️, 💫, 🦇❤️

Rules

1. Homophobia, transphobia, ableism, racism, sexism, etc. will not be tolerated here 2. We do not care if you do or do not name the people in your asks, just please try not to directly involve us in your business 3. For the love of all things holy, do not badmouth the Mostro Lounge (we can’t afford a defamation lawsuit or anything of the sort) 4. confidentiality is important to us! do not expose/doxx any of your fellow readers please and thank you 5. if possible, please reblog our posts. It helps the blog stay alive (likes are basically bookmarks) 6. //no nsfw or general thirstiness. That stuff has made me feel ill and I will most likely not answer it. I have been pretty lenient on it before (I regret it a lot) but I’m not going to anymore.//

Extra Tags

//lore drop// - explaining things about the club members //ooc - out of character post any ooc messages within a post shall follow this format: //canon character interactions are allowed//. Ooc messages in the tags will follow this format: //ooc: just make sure to sign with their name/emoji(s)// [reader: anonymous] - any unmarked/unnamed askers

Need to Catch Up?

🪸 vs 🐚 - the fight between NRC Confessions’ 🐚 mod and NRC Newspaper Club’s reporter 🪸 club room spider saga - that time a spider, identified as info anon’s “birdie”, broke into the club room and the events that followed afterwards the cursed cooking of lilia vanrouge - self explanatory the pomefiore petition - a petition to get “services” of Pomefiore advertised in the NRC newspaper for a single week. Once that week has passed, it won’t be put in the newspaper again. //went back over this one and it made me feel really uncomfortable. So, it’s gone. Sorry.// interview the mods - A 100 follower celebration! readers are allowed to ask questions about the mods from the provided list, which they will answer (//in character unless stated otherwise//) current status: ongoing 🟢 or 🚩- Nerei(🪸) decides whether your crush is a red flag or a green light reblog from (insert name) - used to filter who we’ve weblogged a post from. This includes: nrc confessions, Styx healthnsafety, ourselves, micah del ray, spider anon’s blog, ace trappola, ignihyde idiot

The NRC Newspaper Club is in no way responsible for any injuries*, illnesses, property damages, etc. the readers may experience and/or cause

*including collarings from Riddle Rosehearts’ Unique Magic, Off With Your Head

#unreality #nrc #nrc newspaper club #masterlist

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dirtytransmasc · 1 year

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Do you think Spider ever asked Quaritch about his mom?

yeah probably.

I think it'd be a timid question, definitely not asked on the back of ikran or out on cliff sides, but in a place he could easily flee if his mom turns out to be a sore spot for Quaritch.

he asks cautiously, kinda beating around the bush, watching Quaritch's face for any sign of potential aggression. but instead Quaritch just kinda melts. he barely remembers her anymore, doesn't think he was good to her back when he was a human sack of shit, but something about her made him soft. she saw what little good was in him, carried his child, named the little thing after him. that had to mean something.

he admits as much to spider (who has seen the shift in his dad, seen the gaps in memory and the change in character) but he openly shares what he remembers of her.

how spider has her eyes, her spitfire attitude, her loyalty.

spider admits to having a photo of her tucked away in the lab, that he found her dog tags and keeps them under his pillow (I could care less how realistic the dog tag thing is or not, It's my mental illness, I will bend canon however I like lol).

Quaritch is surprisingly to hear that his son kept some amount of love for his mother, despite her being a pilot in the war. it doesn't irk him to know spider held onto the idea of his mother and not him, something he's sure human him would have detested, reprimanded him for.

they talk about her for a little while, it's comfortable, one of the nicest conversations they've managed since being in each other's company.

and right before they call it a night Quaritch says:

"she'd be so proud of you kid, that woman loved you no matter what you did; scream for hours, spit up in her hair, or call her mama with that little smirk, my smirk, you had. she loved you. don't you dare doubt that, hear me punk"

he doesn't know how much it meant to spider to hear that. he had a mother, even if he barely remembers her, even if he has a few measley photos and her dog tags. she loved him.

#miles spider socorro #miles socorro #spider socorro #Quaritch #paz socorro #avatar the way of water #avatar 2

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pileofpawns · 4 months

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Hello, my name is Turtle Johnson. I make posts so good, that I bring back the dead.

Hiya, this is my introduction post! The bit above is just a reference to the Super Ghostbusters album by Vargskelethor - You can actually call me Plum! I’m your local turtle girl who likes to talk about silly stuff on the internet.

About me:

she/her pronouns please, though I don’t mind they/them or any turtle-themed neopronouns

You can default to feminine language when referring to me but I honestly don’t care what gendered language you use! I might not be a guy but you can call me one if it’s funny.

I am a cisgender woman

I am white

I am disabled in the physical (mitral valve prolapse, frequent disabling headaches), neurodevelopmental (ADHD), mental illness (dermatillomania, major depressive disorder), and sensory (myopia, ADHD, misophonia) departments. (wow, all four!) I’m only sharing my specific disabilities here because I feel comfortable doing so and want people to have context when I talk about them.

I’m aroace! (More specifically, sapphic-oriented bold stripe aroace. No romantic or sexual attraction whatsoever but women sure are pretty.)

I am alterhuman and a scalie! My scalesona and main kintype is a three-toed box turtle.

I do not subscribe to online discourse and therefore do not have a “DNI” list. However, I do block freely. I kindly ask that discourse be kept out of this blog. I’m a strict inclusionist and if you think things like queer microlabels, self-diagnoses, and endogenic systems are invalid and/or inherently harmful, I suggest you think about why and do some research on the subject(s).

About the blog:

I primarily post about my many interests and fandoms (see the list below). I also post the occasional art piece I make, talk about queerness, disability, and alterhumanity, and make a lot of nonsensical shitposts.

I try to keep this blog accessible as possible but it is by no means perfect. I typically won’t add include image descriptions to things I’m reblogging (I’m currently trying to get into the habit of tagging these as “undescribed” or “no ID” but the vast majority aren’t), but I do usually add IDs to my original posts. I tag common triggers (usually without a preface of “cw” or “tw”) such as blood, violence, and food. If you ever need me to tag something or make any other accessibility related changes to my blog please let me know!!

I tag pretty much all posts I make, including reblogs, with the type of post (#reblog, #plum rambles, #plum shitposts, #plums art), as well as content warnings, ships, fandoms, and characters when applicable.

There will never be explicit adult content and nothing suggestive beyond like. me laughing at “pe🅱️is” or admiring the general concept of boobs, and even that’s rare. I keep things SFW but be aware that despite my aroace-ness I am still an immature teenager.

Some things I like:

Turtles!!

Art, especially drawing and various crafts

Dungeons & Dragons

Magic the Gathering (casually)

Sonic the Hedgehog

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Usagi Yojimbo

Tales from the Stinky Dragon

SpongeBob SquarePants

Rhythm games

YouTube Poops (YTPs)

My Little Pony (G4 + G3)

Game Changer + Make Some Noise (Dropout shows)

South Park - I’m not very active in the fandom anymore aside from interacting with my fandom mutuals but I was very hyperfixated on it a while back

Other sites:

I post my writing to ao3 under Pile Of Pawns

You can talk to me on discord @ pickledplums (if you send a friend request please tell me who you are if I wouldn’t already know)

Sometimes I put things on YouTube @ pickledplums

The name of my blog as well as the title of this post are references to the Super Ghost Busters album by Vargskelethor. It’s very funny and I highly recommend you check it out. My URL is practically meaningless now but it was meant to be a reference to my main persona (and the other similar characters I had made) at the time, who looks like a chess pawn.

For reference, the character in my icon is my turtlesona, Tir! You can find more art of her under the tag #tir the tortle.

Thank you for reading, and enjoy your stay!

[Image ID: An animated gif of a yellow smiley face with a floating hand happily waving at the viewer. End ID.]

#intro post #(version two: the sequel)#plum rambles #gif #fast gif

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wonderinc-sonic · 5 days

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Tagged by @generic-sonic-fan to do a wip folder dive! But I got distracted from the task oops.

I keep all my stuff unsorted in notes on my phone, because I found that taking away the barrier to writing (e.g. my heavy computer) helped me to just do bits and bobs, here and there. Most of my fics have been written on the train to work!

But this. This is a name and shame. This is a graveyard. I usually do give things a name, so most of these would be the final title... alas. Still, writing this out has been therapeutic for me, and inspired me to maybe put on my big boy pants and delete some of these.

(Key: likely to be published in some form, may be published with reworking, very unlikely/ dead, n/a)

Sonic fics:

Team Dark folder:

Self care - a self care day for team dark (shocker!), likely going to be added to another story atp, because its not got enough of a conclusion on its own.

The Maria Celeste chapter 2 - written, but I hate it and I don't think people would like the direction this fic might take.

Road Trip chapter 2 - may be finished and published soon, n.b. it's gotten very trans.

Rarepair week - I was planning to play, but work is crazy around then, then I'm away from home, so probably will miss it.

Bat-bombed - rouge × lanolin. so close to being done, then I was like 'who gives a shit this is so long' and now I'm not so sure as I was that it's any good. Needs a bit of a shake.

(Wood)worm into my heart - belle × amy. This is cringe-cute, I'll sort it out someday.

KnucklesSilver one? - well its... yeah knuckles × Silver, looking at stars and eating bugsm. I'm worried I shouldn't be shipping Silver anymore because he reads so young to me in IDW I feel weird about the fact that I've written a lot of it already with all my espio × silver.

Refuge Company BEANBAGS BOOKS BLINK - shadow × blaze; in bits, going to be in bits if I ever publish it. Beanbags books blink refers to the imagined scene in my head that made me first ever ship these two when I was a child. I'm trying to capture it in a way that doesn't make me feel completely stupid!

Misc

Petal Soft Cont. - Outlined continuation of the Cyber Virus AU that isn't getting done. I wanted to explore Metal and Amy's relationship, how they feel differently about eachother, but I think this situation where Metal is quite madly in love with Amy who sees herself as a caregiver and would not want to romanticise Metal... is maybe a misstep. Not sure who wants to read that. Instead, I may continue the AU by visiting a few other characters effected and park these two.

Second-Place King cont. (And chapters 4 and 5) - this is ditched. I reread my own story and thought 'this reads like two characters who will have ill-advised sex then regret it', and now I don't wanna write it. They are adults in this, but I don't want to write sex scenes, and I'm not sure Fade to Blacks really work in fanfic - people either seem to want sex, or they don't want any of it, and it'd be neither so it's probably never coming back.

Heroism - atp this is the whole mapped out story of a 5 strand game. I've plotted it completely, and written a few scenes, but I really want to write it in script format, and it just won't get read like that, so likely not worth sharing. If I couls make it a graphic novel, maybe?

Robot Therapy: Orbot, Metal Sonic, Omega (court mandated), Metal Sonic Comes Back - these are all roughly pencilled out with their hooks/punches, but not really sure its interesting to anyone but me.

And, for an about me:

Not Sonic:

This Tornado Loves You - the real shame point, because this is a 90% completed and uploaded persona 4 fanfic that I just... dropped. I abandoned it because it was about a toxic coming of age romance which was interesting self-reflection for me at the time, but I'm now not sure if it was really okay to write that. And because of that;

Turning Yellow - the wider story of the above, abandoned for reasons of containing dark ideas. I am in two minds - on one hand, Persona 4 itself contains minors grappling with sexualising themselves and being sexualised, people killing eachother, going into the mind of a killer etc. But on the other hand, I got scared off from writing the protagonists as potentially vengeful and doing cruel and violent things. So the lesbian-murderer revenge fantasy will not be taking place.

Contests (Contesting Friendships when I published one) - Persona 4 folder of silly games they might play, got cancelled because of the above, even though it's not in that AU - I lost my nerve for all of persona while I was thinking that through.

Book Club - fire emblem three houses, basically retelling of white clouds but only taking place in a fictional bookclub that meets once a month. I'm scared that it's a huge cast and every character has to be exactly as written, and if I'm inaccurate it'll wreck the whole thing, so I keep restarting.

I do - fire emblem three houses. Wedding traditions. I wrote a whole powerpoint of different regional wedding tradition headcanons, and sometimes write stories to go with them. Likely never to be published, but I may put up the Hapi × Constance one someday.

Originals:

Somnos - Script, enormous. Coming of age, kids-save-the-world etc. Heavily influenced by how much persona had my whole heart as a teen. Its only about 50 pages of stuff I like right now, and it will be really long, because it would be a series of maybe hour long episodes (40 pages in script is about 40 minutes of screen time)

Kinship - a cartoon script thats got 1 season half written and the other half planned out and 2 more roughly sketched but not individual episodes nailed down. Also my dissertation from uni back when, always in my heart. Max, a little robot and literally self-made man, goes on a world adventure to try to find people like him. It's just a cute playground for me.

This isnt even including the ideas that don't have their own page/ folder yet 🥴 I swore I'd never be this sort of writer!

Might tag some ppl later in dms, but I gotta get to work now!

#not sonic #writincs #wonderincs #the absolute shame in this lol #its fun tho healthy to look at #also my file storage needs to improve!

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asexual-means-no-attraction · 6 months

Note

(Nsfw content) hey so feel free to completely ignore this ask, but I think u have good inputs I'd like to know Ur thoughts about this, if it's okay.

So this is about fanfic right. For context, I am a cis woman and I struggle with CSA trauma. Writing erotica has been very freeing to me these past few years. Now the thing is, I can't exactly point to the reason why, but specifically in fictional erotica, when I write men it's always men with female genitalia. Not that I can't read about guys and dicks in general, it's just not something I feel comfortable writing. Now, I feel a bit weird about tagging any of that as "trans characters" because it doesn't feel fair to lump what I write with actual representation (even though if trans men enjoy what I write they are more than welcome to ofc).

Basically I'm not trying to write actual trans men and represent their struggles, or even their bodies realistically (I also find it a bit ehhh that in fandom spaces "trans man" has come to be synonyms with = "has a vagina" but I digress).

So with that in mind, I have come full circle and I'm noticing I'm back at feeling guilt and shame about what I write... much like I used to feel when I started writing/reading erotica. I feel guilty of writing that type of thing because in a way I fear it may come off as fetishization. That's not what I'm trying to do though, I realize this is mostly a fictional kink that doesn't correlate with how I view actual trans people irl. But the guilt is still there.

I'd like to know your thoughts about this. Do you think this is hurtful for trans people? For me to not tag that content as "trans" specifically? That I write that content? Am I alienating trans people? Are there better ways to go about this? Sorry if this is a lot of questions. My brain really wants me to feel ashamed of my sexuality and sexual desires so sometimes it's hard to have a clear idea of what's going on, if I'm actually doing something harmful or if it's just my brain being mean to me.

Sorry for the long ask, and again feel free to completely ignore it.

I mean, fanfic isn't really representation to begin with if you ask me. So by writing it, you aren't representing anyone. Besides, the purpose of your story isn't to describe trans people's struggle, so I don't think you need to go out of your way to "properly portray" said struggle/issues.

If we were to deny people right to write about groups they aren't apart of, we'd lose any chance at exploring each other's experiences. Like, you have every right to write a trans character. It's not illegal or wrong. I also don't think you have some moral obligation to make sure your portrayal is perfect cuz 1. There isn't any perfect portrayal of any experience or group of people and 2. Writing isn't always about doing that anyways.

So long as you're not coming with ill intentions to write something that you actively DESIRE to hurt some group with (this is how propaganda works) then I think you're fine to write whatever you want. Especially when it comes to fanfic which is written for FUN. Enjoy yourself. It's fine.

As for the tagging. I don't read much fanfic anymore. But I think the general rule of thumb is to be sure triggers are tagged. Whether you tag ship names, trans, or other tags is fully up to you. As a trans man, I don't think I'd care either way? Just do what makes you comfortable. You aren't hurting anyone by writing fanfics. Especially not what you described above.

You might get people who misunderstand, but genuinely that's fine. It's important to learn how to accept that some people will take what you do in life the wrong way. You can explain yourself, but ultimately it's best to just move on. Talk it out with someone you trust, reassure yourself, and continue your life. You can't please everyone so just make sure you can make yourself happy. Ya know? If these writings make you happy, don't let some random person get you down. You're not hurting anyone, or actively trying to bring down the trans community. You, as one person, couldn't actually do that anyways. It's ok. Take a breath and keep writing.

Summary: you're ok. You're not hurting anyone by writing fanfiction.

#answered #ask

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miraculouslycool · 1 year

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I posted 1,988 times in 2022

1,202 posts created (60%)

786 posts reblogged (40%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@miraculouslycool

@gentil-minou

@flightfoot

@ladyofthenoodle

I tagged 1,966 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#ml spoilers - 878 posts

#ladynoir - 295 posts

#asks - 292 posts

#ml fandom salt - 172 posts

#adrienette - 114 posts

#kuro neko - 82 posts

#ladrien - 80 posts

#elation - 76 posts

#adrien agreste - 71 posts

#rae speaks - 70 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#you just see how both easy it would be for her to let them be a team again and so hard to do that at the exact same time now in season 4???

My Top Posts in 2022:

not feeling well mentally rn and my brain went zooming towards adrien having several trauma responses to illness.

i don’t mean falling ill himself, but watching other people fall ill or them being injured. he’s had to go through the torture of watching his mother get sicker and sicker until one day when he woke up and she wasn’t there anymore

him flinching every time nathalie coughs or even clears her throat, she’s accustomed to sending him a small smile to let him know she’s alright, but when her legs give way and she’s about to faint again he’s the first to catch her before she falls, he’s always bringing her her food tray whenever he’s at home and not at school or at a million other extracurriculars, he memorises every pill and syup the doctor prescribes and always makes sure they’re at her bedside. nathalie hides the unopened packages of medicines whenever adrien walks into the room because he doesn’t know her illness is because of magical causes, and she wants him to think she’s taking her meds.

he gets a huge scolding and gets grounded for a week for taking a detour from school to nino’s house but adrien can’t bring himself to care. nino had broken his leg while climbing down the stairs, and imagine his shock when adrien came barging into his room and shaking him and checking him all over like he was on his deathbed. adrien didn’t leave until nino promised to text him everyday about his improvement.

he knows what its like to see the people you love fall ill and be terrified about them never getting discharged from the doctor’s care. that’s why he quietly steals glances at rose and juleka whenever he can. he never makes it obvious, because neither of them like the attention, but he can tell whenever they’re having a conversation about rose’s sickness, because juleka always sends adrien a particularly sad look.

he didn’t think of all the people he loved, plagg would fall sick. one morning he woke up to find plagg howling from a tummy ache and refusing to touch his cheese and adrien went nuts. he couldn’t contact master fu, master su han didn’t know who he was, and the only one with the actual solution to heal his kwami was ladybug, who didn’t know his identity either. his only choice was to let plagg find his way to ladybug by himself, even though he looked terribly ill. adrien locked himself in the bathroom to pretend he was having a shower before fencing class, because he couldn’t stand the thought of leaving the house and plagg coming back to him not being there. not even an hour later, plagg came back with a sheepish yet shameless grin - ladybug had healed his stomach ache and only warned him not to eat too much cheese in one day.

adrien went into a silent convulsion when he saw marinette’s prescription for constipation on that train. he had to tell himself to calm down. constipation wasn’t a serious matter. people didn’t die from it. but they were in a lot of pain and discomfort and he couldn’t stand the thought of marinette like that. he spent the entire weekend walking around london on foot, arguing and pleading with english pharmacists who didn’t store a french brand of constipation medicine.

he knows ladybug doesn’t like it when he’s hurt, and he does try his best to not get erased or brainwashed or injured while battling akumas, but he can’t not jump in front of her when she’s in danger. better him than her. one time an akuma threw her headfirst into a building, and she couldn’t open her eyes for a full minute. she awoke to her head on chat’s lap and a knocked out villain.

746 notes - Posted February 6, 2022

Ladynoir hugs make you feel like you've been hugged

933 notes - Posted April 8, 2022

something of utmost importance:

she's standing on her tippy toes

961 notes - Posted February 3, 2022

Oh wow, it's almost like Felix has been associated with balls since the beginning

2,178 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

notice how when everyone else had fallen adrien was still fighting

this boy is a hero inside and out and like this is not even out of the blue. in origins he was the catalyst for ladybug becoming the hero she is. in heroes day he was the one telling ladybug that they will never lose as long as they're together. in miraculer he kept fighting with broken ribs and saved the bee miraculous while he was at it. and now he keeps on throwing himself at strike back, even when he gets knocked out and thrown on his behind. his love for ladybug never wavered even when he was angry with her. he keeps telling her and everyone else that they can keep on going. adrien agreste is at his most feminine coded when he keeps on being a symbol for hope, despite having the most reasons of any character in this entire show to not have any.

2,473 notes - Posted March 11, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #false #this was fun

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berriebun · 11 months

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I know, and I don’t really care

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia Character(s): Keigo Takami | Hawks Other tag(s): Angst? Idk for sure Word count: 1,378

A/N: Well this was my first time ever writing Hawks... Wanted to give it a shot and found a prompt that sparked some inspiration here: “You were my greatest failure. I hope you know that."

Sitting perched on the corner of a building in the early morning sunrise, Keigo stared uninterested at the message he had just received. Apparently, his old man was dying and had requested the chance to talk to him one last time and the HPSC was oh so graciously allowing him to step away from his duties for a whole fifteen minutes to do so. Oooh, wasn't he special. He figured it wouldn't be a good visit regardless, he held no hope that his father was going to apologize for how he treated him or the life he put him through. But hey, fifteen minutes was fifteen minutes. Might as well entertain his dying father, if only to have a minuscule break. Besides, it might be nice to see the old man bothered by how unbothered he was about his opinions. He taps out a confirmation to taking the time to visit his dear old dad to say goodbye, using as few words as possible to 'thank' his handler for the chance. He then sweeps through to a different text channel and instructs one of his sidekicks to watch over his patrol area for the short time he had to step away.

He finds himself taking to the air, heading towards the jail where his father was being held. Of course, he wouldn't be released or provide comfort in his last hours but Keigo couldn't find it in himself to care. He didn't have the energy to waste on someone who didn't matter in his life anymore. He was sure it was off-putting for him to show up with a carefree smile on his face and cheerfully inform them of his reasons for visiting. Sure the jail knew that he was coming, but he didn't know what they were expecting, but a happy camper wasn't one of them. It amused him which made it worth it at the very least. He was all charming smiles and light-hearted comments as he was led back to a private visitor's room until they reached the doors. As he entered the room, his expression changed dramatically; expertly closing himself off and leaving only a slight, smug smile on his face as he sauntered over to the table to sit across from his father. He definitely looked worse for wear, with pale ashy skin, and sagging features evident of someone who was deathly ill and at the end of their rope. He looked exhausted and just as cranky as he had been in Keigo’s childhood. Ever a scowl on his face and judgmental eyes.

“Hey, pops. I was told you wanted to talk, eh?” He takes the initiative, not wanting to waste any more time than he needed, and wanting to just get to the meat of the visit. Let his father say his nasty words and move on from this. He was greeted with a cold stare and those annoyed pursed lips, apparently showing his father’s reluctance to talk at the moment.

“Well, I’m here despite everything, so aren’t you lucky? Really just wanted to see how you were fairing, you were my father after all. As awful of a one you were anyway. Still, I figured I owed you a chance to see my face one last time before you passed. So what is so important that you had to wait till your deathbed to share with me? Surely it wasn’t just to have the chance to glare holes through me for fifteen minutes. That’d be kinda disappointing, to say the least.”

They stare at each other for what feels like years until his dad finally coughs and clears his throat- a disgusting wet noise that makes Keigo cringe inward despite his carefully masked ease.

"You were my greatest failure. I hope you know that." His father finally rasped out, disdain and malice oozing with every word. Keigo supposed he meant to be hurt by those words, but all he could do was grin freely.

“Oh yeah, I’m well aware. Was that all?” He asks jovially, tilting his head ever so slightly to the right. His father seemed confused, and Keigo knew that wasn’t the reaction he was expecting, which just made it worth the visit. He was pleased to show this man that he didn’t have any effect on him anymore.

“It’s touching that even in your last moments, you’re still thinking of me, Dad. I’m sure it burns ya up, huh? Did you hear the news? Just last week, I was made the number two hero, ain't that just peachy?” Keigo hummed, leaning against the table and resting his chin in his hand in doing so. That seemed to rile up his father’s spirit, making the man scowl and sneer at him.

“Of course, you went off an became one of those filthy attention-seekin’ government dogs.” He spits, coughing as he expresses more emotion than he had just seconds ago.

“Yep. Someones gotta catch the yuck of society like you, after all. Otherwise, the streets would be uninhabitable.” It seemed that with every word that came out of his mouth, his father was more and more irritated. It was cathartic, seeing the old man getting so upset over how unbothered Keigo seemed to be with his attempts to cut him down.

’How self-centered did he have to be to think that the child he abused for years before his arrest would still be sparing him any thought? Did he really expect me to be hung up over what he had to say?’ He snorts mentally at the idea. He didn’t have time to dwell on his past that much, with how much work he was doing, his thoughts were always firmly stuck in the present and future- Had to stay one step ahead of the game after all, there were a lot of people in the world who needed saving and he felt like he was the only one really capable of doing it well enough. As much as he didn’t care for his rankings, it was an honor bestowed upon him because of the public. He made them feel safe and protected, even though there was still so much going on in the world and behind the scenes of normal society. If they knew the kind of crap he had to take care of or deal with, the world would be sent spiraling through chaos. He wishes things were as peaceful and kind as it was made to look. Maybe then he wouldn’t have to bend over backwards all the time doing what he felt was needed, and what he was made to do by the HPSC.

When it seemed like his father wasn’t going to say anything more, shaking up with so much anger and resentment to even form words, Keigo stood up and casually stretched.

“If that was all you wanted to say, then I guess we’re done here, huh?” He glances at the clock. “And not even a minute to spare. I’d say it’s been great seeing you again, pops, but we both know that’s a lie.” He doesn’t really know how to say goodbye to this man, so he just gives him a lazy salute and turns to leave. He doesn’t hear his father say anything or try to do anything in reaction, outside of falling into a coughing fit which saw a nurse rushing into the room after he left. Keigo assumed he should feel something over all this, but nothing was really coming up. He didn’t feel relief or joy, nor sad or depressed. Was he numb? He couldn’t tell. What was he really feeling? Was he trying to trick himself or was this it? It was times like these that Keigo lamented his habit of fabricating certain emotions to fit the situations he found himself in, constantly questioning if he really felt one way or another, or if it was just an elaborate ruse that even he was falling for now. Who knows really… Such was the life of a double agent hero. He went from one tiny cage to a larger, nicer cage, but still a cage nonetheless… He did find the irony in the fact that he just wants to be free like his father did all those years ago.

#hawks #keigo takami #angst #bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #penned

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bytedykes · 2 years

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COMPLETELY FORGOT TO DO THIS OMG, tagged by @bi-demon-ium HI GREBO!!! HI HI HI

rules: tag game! tag people and have them tell you your top ten favorite characters of all time (doesn’t have to be in order).

i loooove rambling i will ramble about each of these btw ❤ i am my own enabler (and procrastinating hw rn ahahaha...ha...h)

Will Byers (stranger things) - i LOVE will SO MUCH!!!! i love him soo so much he is my sweet can of peach preserves i want to swing him around like a ferret literally obsessed with him rn. everything about him makes me want to scream and cry and throw up every day im so thankful will exists nobody gets him like me. honorable mentions el who is practically one unit with will so i can legally put her on the same bullet point, and also all the other st characters who im also obsessed with who are not getting their own bulletpoints but i still want to acknowledge them bc i love them.... soo much.......

MAGNUS BANE (shadowhunters tv) - *long drawn out scream* tbh hes probably the first character i was like, really and truly obsessed with, like honestly magnus bane kicked off an Era for me regarding my derangement and how i participate in fandom. magnus bane was the catalyst of a whole gender awakening for me. magnus bane is my everything. i love him and his husband. yeag

Phoenix Wright (ace attorney) - OBSESSED WITH HIS PATHETIC BISEXUAL SWAG no further commentary needed. honorable ace attorney mentions go to maya fey and klavier even tho i have not gotten to him in game yet. i know imgonna love him when i do go back to playing aa4 so he counts

Bart Curlish (dirk gentlys holistic detective agency tv 2016) - THE MOST WOMAN EVER!!!!!!!! the peak of grimy murder women. they peaked with her here. we need more women like bart

Farah Black (dirk gentlys) - OUGH couldnt resist putting farah in here too bc shes also SUCH a woman i love everything about her she is perfect. honorable dghda mentions goes to tina and amanda and dirk and every other character in this show. shakes them up and down puts them all into the pear wiggler even

Diego Hargreeves (umbrella academy) - i love insane men with sharp objects and insane morals

Constance Contraire (the mysterious benedict society tv) - i love insane little girls who have plotted murders canonically on screen and have insane familial relationships

Ben Hargreeves (umbrella academy) - wait ok sorry to double dip again but i cant believe i forgot how obsessed with ben i was?? i spent literally 3 years blogging about him and drawing almost exclusively him?? i even created a crackship with him to torment my best friends with??? ben i am so sorry. how could i have forgotten. i love ghosts who are younger brothers who are big bitches

lowkey cannot even think of anyone else lmao. im gonna say Megamind from the movie Megamind bc i love that movie and i love him. me when autistic blue men from space <3

i genuinely cannot think of anyone else i only rlly started having Favorite Characters around age 10-11 but all of the guys i liked from then i dont care much about anymore so i wouldnt say theyre All Time Favorites. and since then i have been majorly into only like 5-6 pieces of media where i had True Blorbos, Personality Shaping Characters, so like. that might be it? im probably just blanking im sure ill think of a few more characters i love after i hit post on this but ehhhh whatever live laugh love <3

edit: TOOTHLESS HOWTOTRAINYOURDRAGON. HOW COULD I FORGET YOU

okkkk thats it i guess !! i love being so so normal about fictional character just me and my blorbos having a normal sane time

no pressure to do this but tagging @tmoblrina @toadstoolillustrations @urlocallesbiab @jonathansbowlcut annnnd my wifi just went out! so no one else <3 peace on earth

#tag game #TY FOR TAGGING ME IN THIS GERT I LVOE U THIS WAS FUN !!!#no one is allowed to judge me for my taste in characters btw i promise i have coolsexyawesomer ones i just CANT THINK OF THEM RN!!!!#but also some of these are SO coolsexyawesome already i promise. take my hand

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cora0rr3m · 1 year

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New introduction/dni post!! (Ignore the last one)💜💜

Hello! Welcome, my name is Cora/Rem!! please refer to my bio for my prns and other stuff, this post will just be abt my dni rules, so yea!!

WARNING: break any of these rules, you will be blocked.

DNI IF.. (VERY IMPORTANT AND NON NEGOTIABLE.):

Proshitter (proshipper)

Homophobic/Transphobic/Racist/Xenophobic (or sinophobic)

Terfs

Radfems

Pornbots

Porn blogs (i have nothing against them, but i want my blog just to be abt cartoons and thats it)

P*do/In(est

Ableist (this also includes neurodivergent people)

Sexist/Misogonist

Anti-Abortion

Against neopronouns

lgbt fetishizer (speaking of which, if you like the webtoon boyfriends/the anime YBC get the hell away from me)

S*xualize any fictional character/s who are LITERALLY CHILDREN/MINORS.

Antis against any religion, we should respect every religion even if we dont believe in it

Any very religious people who share any gospel w/ me without my consent or just randomly spew it out, i respect you but im sorry, im agnostic/aethiest, but i still support you. <3

Socials/Useless info:

Roblox user: Too_Pinkies (Display name: Cora)

Tiktok acc (but dont expect me to upload anything): coralovescorn

(Will be adding more if necessary)

Other rules(has the same importance as the DNI rules):

If you want to share my art, please give me credit and/or REBLOG. If you wanna repost my art to other platforms, MAKE SURE IT HAS MY TUMBLR TAG IN IT AND/OR CREDIT ME.

Reblogs/comments >>>> likes (i much prefer reblogs than just simply liking, but im not forcing you at all! :) )

If you don’t agree with my headcanons, theories, opinions, or my art, etc. .. simply DNI with it/just respect it. Do not comment hate or anything. Please.

Im pretty young aswell, so no to age shaming here in this blog aswell.

Other reminders:

I might say some cuss words so if you dont like hearing them DNI, sorry :(

I rarely post content that i dont usually post from time to time and they might be triggering topics for you, so always read the TW i put in my tags first!!

yes im still in school so expect long days/weeks/months without me posting, ill still try my best to pull out any content as possible for you guys!! <3

plsplspls ask me abt my iahb hcs i cannot stop talking abt them

I have crippling anxiety and that might also be the reason to as i might not post as much, im super sorry :(

ask me any questions about my posts or myself if you have any!!

List of fandoms im in:

(I removed this from my og intro post but i feel like adding it back in, in a desperate attempt of getting people to talk in my dms)

In a heartbeat (Animated shortfilm, 2017)

Carmen Sandiego (Animated Netflix Series, 2019)

South Park (adult swim show)

The Owl House (Disney Animated Series, 2020)

Moral Orel (also an adult show, its on youtube)

Arctic Monkeys (indie rock band, alsobtwwhileimatitlistentobodypaintplsplsplspls)

Metal Family (13+ animated show on youtube)

Dead Disney movie fandoms, (such as Encanto, and turning Red)

Helluva boss and Hazbin Hotel (Two animated adult shows, but im not as active in this fandom anymore sadly)

Cookie run Kingdom (RPG game, not as active anymore aswell, mymainwascaramelarrowcookieilovedhersm)

Genshin Impact (RPG game, not as active anymore, #proudexganyuandnoellemain)

Nimona (Animated Film)

Please be respectful and nice to me or anyone in this blog! Ily, take care yall 💗

#dni post #coratalks

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3fling · 1 year

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Tag 9 People You Want To Get To Know Better!

Thank you thank you @iam-jacks-redacted-information for the tag this was super fun and I loved reading your post!!

First Ship: oh babey you know it’s Kyoru of Fruits Basket. That was the first non-children’s-media I ever watched and I was immediately enraptured by them. Idk they still occupy a huge piece of my mind, I’m always thinkin bout them.

Three Ships: seriously you’re gonna limit me to three okay hard mode

-- Well I simply *must* start with Taakitz they were so deeply instrumental to The Way My Brain Is Now and I stand by the fact that they’re simply one of the best relationships I’ve ever seen. Do they only have a very little bit of screentime? Yes. Am I criminally in love with both Taako and Kravitz? Also yes. It’s a mental illness I love them. Something Something the world’s greatest wizard and the world’s most down bad grim reaper-- you can rip them from my cold dead hands.

-- I’d be remiss if I didn’t say BokuAkaKuroKen I’m so weak for the Tokyo OT4 nobody talk to me nobody look at me I love the dynamics, I love the characters, I love how different they all are and how well they work together, and I love Mookie’s art of them *drooling* LISTEN you’re telling me you’re not weak for a crazy professional volleyball player, a tired but handsome manga editor, a pro gamer, and a 6′5″ salary man??? Yeah okay. Sure you’re not.

-- I wanna say soapghost so badly but I have to give my last to Widojest. To you they’re the ship that never was, they’re canon to me though. He’s fire, she’s ice (LITERALLY), he hates himself she loves herself and everyone, he’s red she’s blue -- they’re the perfect foils idk guys. He wrote her an effing book for gods sake. HE CAN’T CALL HER BLUEBERRY AND EXPECT ME TO BE NORMAL ABOUT THEM. Yeah like I said to me they’re canon I am respectfully ignoring the end of the campaign.

Last Song: I’m fairly certain was “Fluids” by Michael Medrano it is SUCH the bisexual anthem idk what else to say you guys and I don’t know how to link music so you’ll have to look it up on your own but it’s worth the effort I promise it’s got the club vibes it’s got the catchy lyrics it’s got the bisexual disco cowboy singer what more do you want?????

Last Movie: Glass Onion

I almost never watch movies anymore who has the time but boy and I watched this together while I was recovering from a hospital stay and it was incredible. I love the plot, the cinematography and color design was to die for, costuming had me absolutely *drooling* I could go on and on. If you haven’t watched it, I highly recommend.

Currently Reading: Beartown by Fredrik Backman

“Culture” is an odd word to use about hockey; everyone says it, but no one can explain what it means. All organizations like to boast that they’re building a culture, but when it comes down to it everyone really only cares about one sort: the culture of winning... We love winners, even though they’re very rarely particularly likeable people. They’re almost always obsessive and selfish and inconsiderate. That doesn’t matter. We forgive them. We like them while they’re winning.

Yeah I’m reading it for the second time in less than a year it’s fine. Idk guys you can just fit *so much* character dynamic, development, and moral quandaries in these little hockey guys and the little hockey town they live in. I can’t recommend Backman’s work enough, especially Beartown, it’s such an important book.

Currently Consuming: PB frozen hot chocolate from freakin’ DQ

Currently Craving: Not to reinforce a stereotype but it’s cheese

Tag you’re it!!! @fandomsgirl10 @couldjanot @nighttimenoodle @lluvguts @eiry-real @enigmatic-cyborg @thatradicalrobot and anyone else who’d like to do this!

#3fling chats #thanks jack

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csmeaner · 2 years

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WARNING: GROSS

Might as well submit this now so I can take a break off the blog for a bit after digging up that Densy shit.

So, I'll bite: /post/694191943132053504/who-is-jesse-and-why-does-everyone-hate-him-so

post related

posts tagged jesse

Gross stuff at the end.

I wouldn't say I hate Jesse, exactly. That would imply he takes up a lot more active space in my head than he does. His antics, however, do live in the more passive part of my brain and no amount of sandpaper's gonna get that out, so I, uh, am not fond of the guy.

1. Hides behind his mental illness as an excuse to be a POS. Was Jesse mean to you? Did he blow up at you? Was he a shitty friend? Is he bitter as fuck? Does he only talk to you when he wants something? Well, he has mental illness so he has an unspoken expectation you just shrug your shoulders and move on. (In his response to the CCCat-Peakit thing, it read to me like he was explicitly expecting it. You'll have to decide for yourself.)

2. What he did to his "friend", Caravan. While she was around, he was happy to receive gifts from her and defend her. But the moment they had a falling out and he was, like Densy, sure Caravan was gone, he sent screenshots of their personal conversations to Densy.

I don't care how much you fucking hate someone. Private messages between someone you call a friend should stay private unless there's a very good reason for them not to (ex: someone's telling you they're going to end their life). Print them out and burn them if you need catharsis.

It's also super hypocritical. Caravan was one of the most blatantly mentally-ill people I've seen whaling in CS but because she made Jesse mad, he's excused himself for doing it.

3. He's caused trouble in other communities. Since it's not CS, I won't go into details. He's so aggro and unwilling to back down from anything.

4. Some people still hate him from his hoarding and foddering days. He was never Caravan-level, but he was just about everywhere like her. At least he was usually fair about trades.

5. Mad shit-talker in general. Oh the shit he published following the initial days of the 20K Grem callout. I bet if Caravan released some of her private chats with Jesse, we'd see some real tea.

BUT THE BIGGEST REASONS

6. I'm uncomfortable with his thoughts about minors given how he tried to talk around himself for having a relationship with a 16 yr old when he was 19 yrs old, and how he visited this 16 year old and they "kissed and mildly fooled around". His background story is eerily similar to Soyu-k's. Warning for talks of CSEM and abusive religion: https://archive(.)ph(/)oc1M0. Further response from Jesse (same warnings, just to be safe): archive(.)ph(/)IdG27.

I really don't know how to feel about the last two links. On the one hand, maybe he didn't know, and he's open (as far as we know) about it? Then again, he only came out with it when he couldn't deny it anymore, like Soyu-k. But everyone is different. There's just something about both those posts that doesn't sit right with me. You'll have to decide for yourself.

To be clear, I don't think Jesse is dangerous. I think he's a narcissist (in the general sense, not the personality disorder sense) who's willing to...wriggle around a bit to get himself out of something he'd never forgive someone else for.

7. Related to the above, he has one instance (one is all it takes to make me hate you) that I know of what looks like graphic pro-shipping material in his Toyhouse, which was drawn by his boyfriend(?), Xiphos. Censored version (warning as it's still pretty rancid if you're sensitive to this sort of thing): pasteboard(.)co(/)FnTM1kmrVlmU(.)png.

I know someone who archived the original, uncensored image. I'm not in the mood to dig it up for obvious reasons but lemme know if you just HAVE to see it. And I'll get back to you in a couple days. Or go look it up for yourself before it's inevitably hidden.

It seems clear from the TH profile that the character is intended to be an adult and the image should be interpreted as "size play" or maybe "macro". Knowing how some people treat size play/macro, I avoid people who draw it out to this extent. The character in this image has borderline-child proportions.

Actually, Jesse seems to share Xiphos's tastes in general. For example, this naked human's encounter with a rather large anthro. Censored version: pasteboard(.)co(/)Z5MXE9Cqnnz4(.)png.

Again, I know this is supposed to come off as size-play or macro, but it's something that comes down to your own perspective. Is it bestiality to draw a human having, um, relations with a giant anthro? Is it nasty or just incredibly weird? That's for you to decide.

As for me, I'm going to go play video games or something and hope this heartburn goes away.

#proof #screenshots #submission #jesse #thanks for all this info we can officially add all this to the reasons you can be iffy about jesse #time to wake cs up to reblog all these

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funnygirlthatbelle · 1 year

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I posted 12,475 times in 2022

That's 3,313 more posts than 2021!

449 posts created (4%)

12,026 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@pulchrabelle

@vethbrenatto

@onceuponatimeinerebor

@lunarhobbits

@whiteorangeflower

I tagged 1,406 of my posts in 2022

#critical role - 185 posts

#perfect for queue - 106 posts

#fearne calloway - 20 posts

#ashton greymoore - 19 posts

#dorian storm - 18 posts

#exu 2 - 18 posts

#chetney pock o'pea - 16 posts

#widojest - 15 posts

#laudna - 13 posts

#orym of the air ashari - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 124 characters

#💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

My Top Posts in 2022:

what i headcanon the c3 crew’s formalwear to look like

cuz there’s no way matt mentioned a ball and then isn’t gonna let them attend

imogen: a pale yellow tulle dress, maybe bishop sleeves? maybe a deep v? maybe a slit if she’s feeling it? very classy

laudna: a full-fledged morticia outfit with dramatic sleeves and black and red lace, possibly a dramatic train that people keep tripping on

fcg: just a fun tie

orym: a green or brown suit with a tailcoat, very intricate embroidery, possibly some autumnal colors

ashton: dark and irridescent, possibly a skirt/kilt

chetney: one of those baby blue tuxes from the 70s... you know the ones i’m talking about

fearne: barbie island princess but with lots of jewelry

dorian: panics and thinks “what would opal wear”, ends up in a shimmering lilac jumpsuit that actually looks fantastic

151 notes - Posted January 7, 2022

“your sadness is sort of attractive”- ah, that explains so much

151 notes - Posted April 28, 2022

liam will see a laura bailey character going through it and say “anybody gonna comfort them?” and not wait for a response

199 notes - Posted June 30, 2022

i’ve been seeing a lot of posts recently about how bell’s hells are different from vox machina/the nein/most parties, and there’s been a lot of really interesting insights! but to me, one of the things i find most intriguing and relatable about these characters is how many of them can be viewed through a lens of disability/chronic pain. i’m not used to being able to relate to any characters through this lens, let alone so many, and it’s really exciting. like, just going around the table, there’s so many different flavors of this throughout!

like, you’ve got chetney. he’s old, but also pretty new to the scene. he’s trying to develop control, trying to find others like him- while also having to keep in mind the stigma that surrounds his new condition.

and then there’s laudna, and oh my god, her body doesn’t work in any of the ways a normal body does. she cracks and pops and dislocates, and it’s been going on for so long now that she isn’t even phased by it anymore, even as it horrifies others. sure, it’s inconvenient that she has a 5 strength and things fall off sometimes, but it doesn’t really bother her after all these years.

fcg? i mean, there’s so much there. large parts of the world are inaccessible without help. people don’t see them as a person. he doesn’t really seem himself as a person. trying to disguise aspects of your body (their wheel) so as to look more like everybody else. not being able to participate in certain activities, particularly surrounding food and drink, to the same extent as others. trying to take care of others. having to go to a specialist (milo) when something unusual happens with their body for fear it might be something serious.

i’ve mentioned before that i very much see imogen through an invisible illness/ chronic pain lens- particularly, she reminds me of a friend from school who experienced chronic migraines. the way she navigates the world always uncomfortable and always on high alert for things that could make it worse is extremely familiar, and her joy at being out in the jungle and getting to experience almost no symptoms? good for you, girl, i’m jealous.

and then there’s ashton. like, he’s very visibly disabled after the chaos fairy magic humpty dumpty situation. their entire subclass is based on how they didn’t heal exactly right and the results. and that’s even before we get into the whole “i used to be soft” thing which is like !!!!!! the amount of times i’ve heard a similar sentiment of being just like you before the x happened. it’s so good.

and i dunno, i just think it’s really cool! i don’t necessarily think any of the cast had this sort of allegory in mind, but disabled/characters with a potential disability allegory are kind of a rarity, and i’m really excited to have so many flavors of it this time around!

382 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

since we’re about to hit episode ten, here’s a few things i love that each cast member is doing

travis

~first off, the balls to do that fakeout

~the fact that he joined them for the intro every time even when he wasn’t going to play? such a tease

~the way he’s created two characters that are clearly joke characters, but imbues them with a lot of empathy

~bertrand’s last night; he brought so much to it that lends to the tragedy

~using his past experiences as fjord to understand how fucking fun teasing dorian would be

~honestly, just the fact that he makes an effort and consistently engages with robbie

robbie

~the aesthetic is just *chef’s kiss* right here

~slipping up and saying “the nine of us” because he counted matt

~he doesn’t use a ton of spells, but when he does, it’s very effective

~not afraid to look bad; this can be really tough with roleplay but he doesn’t seem to care if he looks like an idiot

~setty

~everything going on effects dorian- he’s very active and reactive to what’s going on in the game

marisha

~the entire concept of laudna is a delight

~her choice of voice; the contrast between such a cheery voice and her appearance is perfect

~the conversation about love; it was such a genuine exploration of a nebulous sort of topic

~how marisha commits to the joints cracking and popping; as someone with arthritis, it makes me laugh and wanna take tylenol at the same time

~bringing delilah back- just a delightful choice

~the way marisha seems fine with the fact that most npcs hate/fear her even though that’s obviously inconvenient

sam

~taking the leap into robots

~how he keeps finding new ways to play small characters

~also he/they! hell yeah!

~the decision to play a therapist friend who’s actually a really bad therapist is really intriguing to me, and i can’t wait to see where he takes it

~the foreshadowing he’s already doing for the inevitable “actually i am a deeply tragic character” moment

~pussy

ashley

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553 notes - Posted January 12, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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sobuildabeautifulcity · 10 months

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i have been very firmly not involved in fandoms for a While because the g,lee fandom was a trainwreck and i got burnt out. but i was so excited for r,wrb that i gave in and started keeping an eye on the content coming out.

gonna put it under a read more, but tldr; i dont think i am compatible with fandoms. its all so much fretting about the worst case scenario & thinking the worst of people you’re supposedly fans of. the enjoyment of the first week is gone.

i made sure to block anyone who was being negative about the film, bc i protect my peace, but i think i am just not the right person to be involved in fandoms. there are 4 weeks (ish) left till release and i’ve reached my limit. i think i’m going to have to stop, because im not getting that enjoyment anymore.

perhaps if the s,trike hadn’t happened & there was more content coming it wouldnt have been so bad. theres only so many things you can do with a 2 minute video, and 1 interview type thing. but i just keep seeing things that bug me and i’m not in the mood.

there’s been a… r,pf thing going on in the tag & i generally don’t care about people privately s,hipping that kinda thing but its… annoying me. partly because neither actor talks about their relationships (and by extension their sexuality) so i don’t like seeing people speculate that they must be into men bc of these two photos. they use a couple of behind the scenes pictures and one promo interview and are basically saying that because their characters are together, they must also be. and it lowkey feels insulting about their acting abilities but whatever. they’re still playing a role even as themself not the characters. of course its gonna look like they’re close (not saying they aren’t), they’re actors selling their film!

then there was a series of events with one of the main actors archiving 2 photos off his insta, incl one w the other actor (also its one of the ‘together’ photo ‘proofs’). honestly i don’t even understand the outrage but its all about him absolutely 100% hating the movie and his co-star and just immediately thinking the worst. and i just.. do not have the energy to care. its more t,witter than t,umblr for this latter one but it just descends into personal attacks and that within an hour. its all so unnecessary. someone made a good point that it could’ve just been that it didnt fit the theme he has on i,nstagram and then got piled on to the point they deleted it… its tiring.

maybe i am not the right person. i made my own little corners of fandoms before & found people who felt similarly. perhaps ill have to try that again.

#eli's nightblogging #censoring stuff with commas so it doesn’t come up in searches #note that this is a *me* problem and i will be removing myself rather than demanding change #because thats what mature people do when they find spaces online that they disagree with #that was targeted but im tired

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bigyikes97 · 1 year

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I posted 341 times in 2022

That's 341 more posts than 2021!

75 posts created (22%)

266 posts reblogged (78%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@a-treatise-on-velociraptors

@yuzu-all-the-way

@funnytwittertweets

@curioscurio

@beyoncescock

I tagged 266 of my posts in 2022

Only 22% of my posts had no tags

#yuzuru hanyu - 52 posts

#attack on titan - 19 posts

#me - 15 posts

#omg - 11 posts

#demon slayer - 9 posts

#oof - 9 posts

#shingeki no kyojin - 8 posts

#attack on titan spoilers - 8 posts

#kdrama - 6 posts

#best boy - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#he was so passively going along with everything while also seeming to have an unreasonable grudge against yo han that i couldn't understand

My Top Posts in 2022:

I would re-watch Strangers from Hell because now that I live in a tiny apartment filled with strange people I understand how things progressed the way they did

how easy it is to go crazy when craziness is all you know, how the people who surround you become your world and standard of normalcy, how people can get under your skin and draw out the worst in you while your focus is so hyperfixated on the stew of psychopathic behavior that you can't even see what's wrong anymore, especially when that person seems, at first, to care for and understand you...it's given me food for thought and a hefty impetus towards introspection. I'll definitely be thinking about this show a lot in the future. Bad company truly does corrupt good morals.

HOWEVER,

I ALSO got physically ill at that (human? question mark?) BBQ table scene when the lights were flashing and THIS man was like

It was truly ADVANCED DARKNESS and I got such awful heebie-jeebies i had to drop it then and there. maybe I'll finish it later...or maybe not!!! I think the lesson was great but it was a bit much for me

10 notes - Posted November 17, 2022

wait i figured it out

If eyes are like OuO it is my favorite

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15 notes - Posted November 30, 2022

Just started Devil Judge because I heard it referenced alongside "The Merciless"

Looove the concept and I think there's a lot that can be said about it, as for the plot, idk what's going on yet but THIS GUY ^^^ is GORGEOUS ^^^ so I'll keep watching~ hehe~ i had a crush on him like 10 years ago from Protect the Boss and holy guacamole he looks the SAME but now EVIL??? Or...NOT??? NOT SURE?? (I drew awful fan art of him as a young kpop teenager before that was a thing!!! It was TVXQ! era in a small town, someone looked at my sketchbook and asked 'why'd you draw an angry Hawai'ian man' and I answered "actually this is Ji Sung he's a Korean actor" and then they're like 'why'd you draw an angry Korean man' I've remembered this interaction for 10 years) First ep was a lil confusing but as per Kdrama rules you must give it at least two eps before drawing a conclusion.

Also everyone keeps saying things like "Lawful husbands" and from the amount of trespassed space bubbles and mysterious stares in the first episode I'm expecting some bromance or maybe ANTI bromance?? bro-loathing?? I guess there will also be a point where I'll say "oh, that's what they meant", we'll see!

20 notes - Posted November 17, 2022

A VERY SPECIFIC CROSSOVER:

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24 notes - Posted November 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

If the idea of Goncharov's *story* appeals to y'all (like, outside of the meme, if you were like, 'oh, I would watch that movie if it existed'), "The Merciless" should probably be on your watchlist

It's a complicated angsty relationship gangster tension plot-twisting ride of a tragic violent shoot-em-up heartbreak-fest and I have so many feelings about it hhffsdfghhghghhhhhh

(and it got like an 8 minute standing ovation at Cannes if that is convincing to anyone)

ALSO in the running for "existent gangster movies that are literally earth shaking in scope and layers of analyses" is my all-time favorite "A Bittersweet Life"

(100% on Rotten Tomatoes btw)

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51 notes - Posted November 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #hehehe #for my own reference #lol

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