Almost the entirety of Noah Kahan’s discography feels like the moment you realize nothing in your life is how it used to be and at the same time nothing at all has changed but also everything has changed and it’s terrifying. It’s the unspeakable sadness of growing up and being hurt and not knowing how to carry your grief but having to carry it every day while it continues to hurt you but being unable to do anything about it. It’s the hope you can barely bring yourself to think about, much less speak out loud, that maybe someday you’ll have something to be happy about or be proud of or even just not hate yourself for. And every song he writes further details that expression of self in a way I haven’t seen very often outside his discography. And it’s devastating but it’s also such a blessing at least to know all of that isn’t a unique or isolated experience.

I am so in love with everyone’s comics about their Tavs and the companions, and I wish there was an easier way to find them. There’s something so healing about watching everyone be so in love with bg3 and their own characters and I need more of it.

I am once again thinking about how “Like Real People Do” is such a Molly & Yasha song. Literally a song about two dead people finding love in each others arms? I’m gonna be sick.

“Wow the Sims is so cool. I wish fruit trees were real.”

- me, today

@iam-jacks-redacted-information

What if—hear me out—what if I use this sick time to pick up drawing again.

I have a lot of thoughts about character development and their reception

(Obvi focusing too much on ghost and soap, which lead to focusing too much on project freelancer, and I’m reading too many books that are sparking the hyperfixation too atm, but if they inspire me to think then that’s fine.)

I love mischaracterization when they’re funny or just objectively good fandom choices. I don’t mind that much when characters are mischaracterized either. That’s not the point tho. The point is the depth of/implications made by really good character assessments.

Probably gonna be major spoilers for Red vs Blue, and the entire Mistborn series beyond this point.

(Maybe also for modern warfare 2 but I’ve never interacted with the source material and everything I know is from fan content so I don’t really know?? Anyway proceed with caution I’ll try to tag stuff as I talk.)

But like. Okay yes Wash is the tired dad guy in RVB post-freelancers. It’s very funny bc he’s a seasoned soldier and the reds and blues are pretty much useless. I’ve been rewatching seasons 9&10 lately, and I’m realizing just how much Wash has changed. He’s still a bit of a dick (which is fine), but when he was a true freelancer he was… personable? Optimistic? I would even say excited about being a soldier. Fast forward through 1.) losing everyone he’s ever known (yes Carolina too, but I’ll come back to that), 2.) being betrayed by some of the people he trusted the most, 3.) being forced to work with the animated corpse of his best friend and teammate and ultimately almost get killed by him before watching him die, and 4.) losing his last sliver of connection to the person he was before — we get to present day Wash (circa season 14, I haven’t watched past that). Wash is a broken man. Like so entirely and inescapably broken.

It takes him such a long time to start caring about the reds and blues bc he’s seen people he believed to be invincible get slaughtered. He watched his family get destroyed from the inside out. Every single person he knew all those years ago is dead, including the people he and Carolina used to be. He gets portrayed like “haha isn’t it funny how this seasoned vet has to hang out with these guys who have no idea how the military works?? Lol” and then at the same time he is just so desperately trying to persist. Not even survive. By the time Maine dies, I genuinely feel like Wash felt he had lost too much. He’s so reluctant to trust in and care about the reds and blues because he has been to the absolute depths of despair and loss and he doesn’t want to go back there.

Carolina, too. Like I didn’t realize the first time that she and York met before enlisting. That they enlisted together, that they were canonically romantically-involved like long term throughout all of the freelancer arc. They were a perfect match (I genuinely believe this, but I’m not going to take more space on this particular post to explore it). Then Carolina thinks he’s betraying her when he starts working against PFL and ends up abandoning him to die. She doesn’t realize until she’s also betrayed for real by active freelancers how wrong she was. The scene where she finds the Delta unit hit so much harder the more you dig into her and York’s story. Even after she abandoned him, York had faith he could win her back. He was planning to propose to her for YEARS. Even after she left him. He had so much faith that she would see the truth and they would make amends. She knows that now that it’s too late and she has to live with that knowledge for the rest of her life.

She was also betrayed by Maine, the man who took multiple shots for her and defended her with his life, only for him to turn on her and try to kill her just to loot her body. (Again I realize there was more to this plot point than that, but from her POV he had just lost it and betrayed her). Even Washington crosses her at some point. By the time she realizes how fucked up the entire PFL situation is, almost everyone she’s ever known has been murdered or is MIA-presumed-KIA and she has to live with the guilt of surviving that while defending the very thing that killed them all. So yeah, she and Wash “survived” but they are NOT the same people from the start of the story.

With Mistborn: The Lost Metal, seeing into the depths of Wayne’s regret and pain really fleshes his character out in a way I had assumed Brandon had already covered. Wayne didn’t just ruin that girls life, he’s ruined a lot of peoples lives, including his own. The worst part is, he can’t bring himself to do anything to change it and he’s fully aware of that fact and it makes him feel even worse. When he says the worst thing in the world is someone who wants to be like him, because he knows him and he hates that man… when MeLaan confessed that she didn’t really love him she was just sort of passing time with him and his conclusion is that it was because he wasn’t good enough for her?? God that hurts. But it’s so real and I feel like people aren’t talking about that aspect of Wayne enough. He’s goofy and stupid as a form of self-medication (since he can’t drink away his problems) in order to distract himself from his crushing guilt, regret, and self-loathing. He doesn’t want to be funny just to be funny. It’s almost entirely self-serving as a way to give himself a sense of worth and as a distraction, and his character deserves to have that recognized.

With Mistborn Era 1/Secret History, I’ve seen a lot of people complain that SH betrayed Kelsier’s character and motivation, but I think it solidified what Brandon had been hinting at all along. While his motivation may have initially been to fulfill Mare’s dream, over time it transformed into a desire to destroy the upper class/Lord Ruler as pure, unadulterated revenge. Marsh says something at one point I think to the effect of “is this what Mare would have done? Would she have wanted you to do this?” And Kelsier just sort of tells him to fuck off, but he’s RIGHT. Marsh tells us that Kelsier is a little crazy, biased, ambitious, and takes things too far. In my opinion, his decision to give up the afterlife in lieu of getting to keep living and furthering his personal goals is a clear decider. I’m not saying he doesn’t still love Mare or want to make her proud, but his own ambition now usurps his desire to do what Mare wanted to do. He’s willingly turned his back on seeing her again in favor of continuing his work toward his goals. I still love him as a character, but I can’t understand how people miss this critical character flaw and chalk it up to bad writing on Brandon’s part.

Anyway this all came from seeing someone talking about how if we were gonna be honest Ghost isn’t baby girl and instead would be:

Very wary, scared of forming attachments

Anti-touch, loathe any and all physical contact

Terrible at empathizing or connecting or communicating

And how basically all the really sweet and wonderful aspects about his babygirlification would unfortunately not happen as he is (much like all our other war veterans in this post) a DEEPLY broken man.

Idk that’s all I’ve just been thinking about that a lot lately.

Thread

Memes I send Jack to let him know I contracted rabies about his writing

@iam-jacks-redacted-information

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Hello! I've always been super curious how you came up with your url. What does it mean?

Heyyo!

It’s the dumbest “play on words” of all time! Ever! (If you can even call it that) it’s literally just “Tiefling” but I replaced the “Tie” with 3 because they rhyme and now the word “Tiefling” is incomprehensible because 3fling is nothing!

I hope that helps! I know it doesn’t.

Putting a large chamomile tea and a large boba tea in my body and letting them fight for dominance to see which one will affect me

The second I hand in my last essay, I’m gonna deflate like a bouncy castle at the end of the party

Winter in Wisconsin

When I dress masc I wanna do it in a feminine way, but when I dress femme I wanna do it in a masculine way. Understand?

Tag 9 People You Want To Get To Know Better!

Thank you thank you @iam-jacks-redacted-information for the tag this was super fun and I loved reading your post!!

First Ship: oh babey you know it’s Kyoru of Fruits Basket. That was the first non-children’s-media I ever watched and I was immediately enraptured by them. Idk they still occupy a huge piece of my mind, I’m always thinkin bout them.

Three Ships: seriously you’re gonna limit me to three okay hard mode

-- Well I simply *must* start with Taakitz they were so deeply instrumental to The Way My Brain Is Now and I stand by the fact that they’re simply one of the best relationships I’ve ever seen. Do they only have a very little bit of screentime? Yes. Am I criminally in love with both Taako and Kravitz? Also yes. It’s a mental illness I love them. Something Something the world’s greatest wizard and the world’s most down bad grim reaper-- you can rip them from my cold dead hands.

-- I’d be remiss if I didn’t say BokuAkaKuroKen I’m so weak for the Tokyo OT4 nobody talk to me nobody look at me I love the dynamics, I love the characters, I love how different they all are and how well they work together, and I love Mookie’s art of them *drooling* LISTEN you’re telling me you’re not weak for a crazy professional volleyball player, a tired but handsome manga editor, a pro gamer, and a 6′5″ salary man??? Yeah okay. Sure you’re not.

-- I wanna say soapghost so badly but I have to give my last to Widojest. To you they’re the ship that never was, they’re canon to me though. He’s fire, she’s ice (LITERALLY), he hates himself she loves herself and everyone, he’s red she’s blue -- they’re the perfect foils idk guys. He wrote her an effing book for gods sake. HE CAN’T CALL HER BLUEBERRY AND EXPECT ME TO BE NORMAL ABOUT THEM. Yeah like I said to me they’re canon I am respectfully ignoring the end of the campaign.

Last Song: I’m fairly certain was “Fluids” by Michael Medrano it is SUCH the bisexual anthem idk what else to say you guys  and I don’t know how to link music so you’ll have to look it up on your own but it’s worth the effort I promise it’s got the club vibes it’s got the catchy lyrics it’s got the bisexual disco cowboy singer what more do you want????? 

Last Movie: Glass Onion

I almost never watch movies anymore who has the time but boy and I watched this together while I was recovering from a hospital stay and it was incredible. I love the plot, the cinematography and color design was to die for, costuming had me absolutely *drooling* I could go on and on. If you haven’t watched it, I highly recommend.

Currently Reading: Beartown by Fredrik Backman

“Culture” is an odd word to use about hockey; everyone says it, but no one can explain what it means. All organizations like to boast that they’re building a culture, but when it comes down to it everyone really only cares about one sort: the culture of winning... We love winners, even though they’re very rarely particularly likeable people. They’re almost always obsessive and selfish and inconsiderate. That doesn’t matter. We forgive them. We like them while they’re winning.

Yeah I’m reading it for the second time in less than a year it’s fine. Idk guys you can just fit *so much* character dynamic, development, and moral quandaries in these little hockey guys and the little hockey town they live in. I can’t recommend Backman’s work enough, especially Beartown, it’s such an important book. 

Currently Consuming: PB frozen hot chocolate from freakin’ DQ

Currently Craving: Not to reinforce a stereotype but it’s cheese

Tag you’re it!!! @fandomsgirl10 @couldjanot @nighttimenoodle @lluvguts @eiry-real @enigmatic-cyborg @thatradicalrobot and anyone else who’d like to do this!

My friends know me so well 💖

TikTok is really trying to further The Agenda