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orionsangel86 · 7 months

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I have been doing this meta analysis thing for a long time now and one thing that I have always tried to make clear in meta analysis is that for it to be taken seriously you must keep your personal biases out of it. You must come at it as objective as possible.

Rant under the cut

Its not always easy to do when you are dealing with difficult topics, or shining unfavourable lights on characters you love, or coming to conclusions that you werent expecting (recent meta discussions about Morpheus in the Sandman comics would fall into these categories).

What meta analysis should never be used for is to back up ship wars or specifically to shame fandoms for liking certain characters. If the meta isnt providing valid evidence to support the interpretations, and instead has fallen into name calling and mockery of fandom, its no longer valid meta.

I got this ALL the time in SPN fandom. Destiel was a huge fandom but as meta writers we stuck with what we were given by the source material and interpreted it with valid evidence. We understood that multiple interpretations were possible but we made sure that whatever we were analysing made sense and had some source backing. This wasnt always the case because meta writers are not a monolith, but the bigger blogs who wrote meta frequently at least understood this and would not be stretching to support their own claims if canon didnt back it up. Now no one is perfect of course, but the point is, proper meta writers understand that where they make a claim or interpretation of the source material, they have to site examples and evidence to back up their claims and also take into consideration any evidence to the contrary.

The people who hated destiel and made that their entire personalities didnt do that so much. I read a lot of their meta out of curiosity and every time I was baffled by where they were getting their claims. 'Destiel is necrophilia" was a big one which canon disproved almost straight away in season 5. "Destiel is rape" was another because Cas was using Jimmy as a vessel and yet canon confirmed Jimmy died at the end of season 4. Cas' body was remade by God in season 5 and has remained his own ever since. These are just two of the ridiculous examples supposed "meta writers" among the destiel hater communities would come up with and still use today.

I find it extremely infuriating when I see character/ship hate loosely disguised as meta analysis. I can give people the benefit of the doubt a lot of the time, as fandoms are usually highly emotional spaces, but when there is zero canon evidence to support the claims, when connections are being made on the absolute thinnest of threads, and when far more obvious interpretations are being clearly ignored to support certain viewpoints in such a stunningly obvious case of confirmation bias I have to throw in the towel and stop taking said meta seriously.

One thing I have loved about Sandman fandom so far is the meta. It's such a rich text to analyse, and the show adds an entirely new level to it which makes it all the more enjoyable. I've made no secret of my support for Dreamling and I wrote a very long meta series on Dreamling and how the show in particular uses certain tropes, symbolism, visual storytelling cues, and music, to name a few, to overload a 25 minute sequence with queer coding. It is completely understandable to me why anyone going into the show even without thinking about shipping, would feel like Dreamling hit them like a brick to the face. The creators weren't subtle with it.

Its also totally valid to find romantic interpretations of other pairings within the Sandman. I personally think Morpheus x Johanna was laid on pretty thickly. Morpheus x Lucienne is equally an interesting ship to analyse. But heres the thing, if you ship these other ships and are frustrated that Dreamling has "taken over" thats valid. I get it. I would like more focus on the other characters too. I would particularly like to talk about Lucienne x Gault and have a meta piece in progress about them.

Whats not okay however is for other shippers and people frustrated with Dreamling to go the way of the Destiel antis. Dont make shit up that has no basis in canon just because you need some moral high ground to shit all over the ship you hate. Don't call fans that see Dreamling "deluded" for seeing it. They aren't deluded. It's right there in the subtext. Dont resort to name calling and "gotchas" and use inflammatory language to bait people. And please, I'm begging you, stop claiming that people who ship Dreamling are somehow all overly fragile white racists. You're wrong.

The racism discussions about Hob's past have their place, but these things ARE being discussed, if anything I feel this fandom has done a far better job of handling the issues of slavery than another popular fandom has (looking at you OFMD). No one is forgiving Hob for his slaver past. But you have to acknowledge that the entire point of the story in The Sandman is about change, and growth, and how we can become better people. As another excellent short meta post stated recently "we are more than the sum of our transgressions". The Sandman is all about the shades of grey. No one is morally righteous, but most characters are not completely morally bankrupt either.

Hob Gadling is a controversial character who is often misunderstood by fandom but anyone with proper critical thinking skills and a decent understanding of what meta analysis is, should understand that Hob is a metaphor for humanity first and foremost. He is the average everyman from the perspective of an Englishman and therefore above all else to understand Hob you have to look to England, to Englands history, and to its current status in the world. A lot of blood on its hands yes, but also at least a century of trying to make up for it, a leader in the world in human rights and trying to do better. I have to believe that about this country, so I believe it about Hob too. Whilst I'm not interesting in getting into huge geopolitical debates about England, I hope that we can all agree that the average Englishman today is not a blood thirsty evil slaver/rapist/murderer or whatever else ive seen people accuse Hob of being even in his modern era.

We can argue the faults of the show downplaying slavery for sure. Its a valid criticsm. We can argue that not enough time was given in the show to show that Hob had changed and regretted his former actions. We can critique these things based on what the show has and has not told us, and also pepper in information provided in the comics and what we know about future Hob panels as well.

But when it comes to the blank spaces in between frames, in between cut screens, we can do whatever we like. Because that is where meta analysis ends and fanfiction begins. You wanna write about Hob joining the abolitionist movement and fighting hard to end slavery? You can. You wanna write about him ignoring Dreams advice and continuing to be a brutal slaver right up until slavery was ended in England sure, you go for it. But don't call either of these "headcanons" meta analysis.

Dont use meta analysis as a cover to shit on fandom. The minute you resort to name calling and mockery its no longer meta. No matter how frustrated or upset you are with the current fandom situation. There is always space to criticise fandom. But ask yourself what your end goal is here? What are you trying to achieve? Is it truly because you are on a righteous path to end fandom racism? Or do you just really hate a popular ship and want people to stop shipping it? If it's the former, then focus on that, ask what solutions we can put in place? Where we can truly tackle it on a larger scale, raising awareness of things that people may not realise are racist but are common tropes in fandom (like how making female characters all mothers or sassy gay best friends is misogynistic or how certain stereotypes in fantasy creatures are anti semitic) but if its the latter, then its disingenuous to use racism in fandom as a shield to hide your ship hate. It reduces an important topic to something shallow and irrelevant.

In ending this rant I will just say this. I'm not interested in engaging further on this topic. I'm legit gonna start blocking if anyone attempts to twist my words here. The civil discussions on this matter ended when people started name calling and flinging around accusations without basis. I am more than happy to engage separately in ways to improve fandom spaces for poc, because thats important, but ship hating has no place in that discussion. Drop that aspect, and there'll be less resistance in these topics.

#rant #fandom discourse #the hob gadling matter

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emwritesstuff · 5 months

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DYNAMO | Steve Rogers x Reader | masterlist

HYDRA has made their share of human experiments. You're just one of them. One of the least successful ones. One of the least functional ones. At least your life in the facility gave you a few things: unwavering resilience, cool(ish) superpowers and a great sense of humor. Steve Rogers would strongly disagree with that last one. A single chance encounter with him reluctantly brings you into the Avengers Compound, and you're determined to make his life as miserable as you can. Feeling's mutual.

An Enemies to Lovers, Steve-needs-to-relax sort of story. No use of Y/N on this one, been keeping the reader's physical descriptions low too! The white girl of the image is just used for the lightning vibes.

warnings/keywords: mentions of human experimentation, violence, cursing, sexual tension, low self esteem, mentions of death, stressed!steve) This series contains explicit content (smut and other mature themes). Please heed the warnings and read responsibly!

status: ongoing

AO3 | Playlist (coming soon!)

part 1: THE CATALYST part 2: CONDUCTIVE ACCORDS part 3: FRICTION SURGENCE part 4: ENTROPY part 5: OF MOMENTUM** part 6: ENTHALPY** **contains smut

Let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist! /currently tagging: @ nekoannie-chan @ alessandraavengers @ js-favnanadoongi @ bean-bean2000 @ masterofnonesstuff @ reejero @ agentxx92 @ mimimarvelingmarvel @ spn-imagines-fics

#emwrites #steve rogers x you #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fic #captain america x reader #captain america fanfic #mcu fanfiction #marvel imagine #marvel x reader #marvel fic

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carveredlunds · 2 years

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something about the way, in the first 5 seasons of “supernatural”, while chuck is in the picture as merely a prophet, “supernatural” is just an in-universe book series. sure, there are nods to real world fandom things, like sam girls and dean girls, notorious episodes like “bugs” (though they’re referenced as books, not episodes), etc.

but suddenly, from season 6 onwards (bless the spn wiki for this list), there are references to “supernatural” as a tv show. we have “the french mistake”. we have crowley saying things like ‘castiel, haven’t seen you all season’ (“caged heat”) and ‘exit stage crowley’ (“the man who knew too much”). we have castiel looking directly at the camera and addressing the audience when he says ‘let me tell you everything’ (“the man who would be king”). we have the alpha vampire saying to dean ‘see you next season’ and dean saying ‘look forward to it’ (“there will be blood”). we have dean asking castiel ‘what show you been watching?’ (“sacrifice”). we have “meta fiction”. we have dean referring to the ‘girl of the week’ (“somewhere between heaven and hell”). we have chuck saying sam and dean are ‘his favourite show’ (“moriah”). we have chuck watching tv screens with scenes we, the audience, have seen in episodes and referring to ‘cancelling shows’ (“galaxy brain”). we have chuck saying he’s ‘cancelling their show’ (“inherit the earth”).

there’s something in the fact that, as soon as chuck revealed himself as god to the audience at the end of “swan song”, while the book series “supernatural” still existed in-universe, it also became a self-aware tv show, breaking the fourth wall with dialogue, shots, references, and even episode titles. there’s something about the fact that, as soon as god went from being an invisible and incorporeal force to a physical character, “supernatural” went from making a few ‘wink wink nudge nudge’ references to its audience via the in-universe book series to a fourth-wall-breaking self-aware show.

before the end of season 5, when chuck was still acting out the part of a prophet, there were meta episodes and references, but once chuck went from a prophet to god, the characters either showed moments of awareness that they were, in fact, fictional tv show characters, or there were whole episodes dedicated to the nature of the show itself. there’s just something in that.

#supernatural #spn #spn meta #metanatural #sophie speaks #sophie talks about spn #idk what i'm even trying to say here???#i'm too tired to articulate it better #someone else pls feel free to pick this up and run with it

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lol-jackles · 5 months

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I agree with your opinions for the most part. But there are still some points of contradiction. For example, if Jared left the show, the spn wouldn't last much without him. If you exclude the bias towards Jensen and Misha, with a proper plot, the series could very well exist. Like making a move with Sam finally finding peace, leaving hunting and starting a family. Dean is happy for him and continues to do what he loves and knows well - hunt monsters and protect people and that includes Sam and his new family. Just if you take the concept that Sam(Jared) is the main character and the story is about him and Dean(Jensen) is secondary and the story can't be without a main character, then what about The Big Bang Theory series? Obviously Leonard is the main character and Sheldon is secondary. But when James Parsons wanted to leave the show(several times) it wasn't allowed? Why? Sheldon is not the main character, neither is Dean, BUT they are both audience favorites. Suppose if the situation was the other way around and Jensen was the one who wanted to leave the spn, the show wouldn't make sense either? Just based on your logic, the main character leaving is a failure for the show. That said, the departure of the same James Parsons would be a big blow to the show. His character even got his own series in the end. Maybe that's what Jensen wanted. And then I don't understand why he didn't just do a series about John when Meri died and he was left alone with kids and monsters. That would have been so much more interesting!

I think I may be misinterpreting "bias towards Jensen and Misha", as in my bias or the show's bias? If the latter then put down that non-canon-compliant fanfiction and slowly step away.

The Big Bang Theory worked with Leonard as the lead until he and Penny got married, which ideally was when the show should have ended because the show started with him pining after Penny. But the show continued for 2 more seasons with the focused moved to Sheldon & Amy and it was very noticeable that the original magic was gone and the show was cancelled shortly after. The ratings in viewership and demo for the last 2 seasons were steadily going down.

I've said many times here that when shows lose their leads, they are either cancelled or limp along for 1 or 2 more seasons (X Files, The Office, Scrubs, 70's show, The OC) but then fans and critics complain that the show got way worse. So even though The Big Bang Theory still had their lead Leonard on the show, moving the focus to Sheldon & Amy still resulted in the show's cancellation 2 years later.

Moving SPN's focus from Sam to Dean & Cas would have had the same result, cancellation in one or two seasons. So the "proper plot" you speak off wouldn't save a Sam-less show. WB knew that and that's why they cancelled Supernatural.

If it was Jensen who left SPN back in season 3 or 4, the show still would have continued to season 5 to reach syndication. During that time the role of Sam's new partner would have been casted and if he or she worked well enough with Jared, then the show could have continued after season 5. Shows that lost their main secondary character have successfully continued for several more seasons: Monk, Cheers, Greys Anatomy, Law&Order:SUV, and of course Walker. NYPD Blues' Andy famously went through 4 partners in 12 seasons, each partner just as popular as the last.

I agree that the Supernatural prequel should have been about a widowed John and wee Sam and Dean. That was Michael Rosenbaum’s immediate assumption on his podcast interview with Jensen. He missed a real opportunity for a young Sam and Dean prequel because nostalgia for the 80s is at an all time high. It could have been his version of Stranger Things as wee Sam and Dean explore the strange and the supernatural, like Sam’s imaginary friend Sully and we get to know more about the Zannas, the only supernatural creatures without agendas against mankind.

#supernatural #what if

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runawaydr3amerao3 · 3 months

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West series (SPN, Dean/Sam, Explicit) now available for your eyes and ears.

If you prefer to consume your fic via earhole instead of eyeball, have I got news for you! Because I am spoilt AF by my wonderful fandom friends, I can share that my dear old West series is now available, in full, in podfic form! @talltalesandbedtimestories, one of the two beautiful hosts of the @idlingintheimpalapodcast and just an incredible narrator besides, has now posted the final part and it. Is. Glorious. 🙌 Please do yourself a favour, click some links below, and treat yourself to this aural delight. 👇

Title: West series

Author: runawaydr3amer

Narrator: @talltalesandbedtimestories

Pairing/Fandom: Dean/Sam (Supernatural)

Rating: Explicit/NC-17

Tags: Brotherly Platonic Handjobs, Pining, Angst, Idiots In Love, First Time, Shower Sex, Anal Fingering, Oral Sex, Rimming, Anal Sex (Top Dean/Bottom Sam), Barebacking

Word Count: ~48,700 in four parts

Audio Length: ~5:48:00 in five parts

Summary: Sam loves and sometimes hates his brother, but mostly he just loves him. That they've been through a lot together over the years is the understatement of the century. When the occasional (and totally platonic) handjob has been a staple of their sexual diets for a long time, why are things suddenly changing? There's only one thing Sam's sure of anymore, and it's that Dean loves him. The question now is whether the kind of love he's getting is the kind of love he wants most.

Part One: Run It All Over — Fic // Podfic

Part Two: The One I Never Tried — Fic // Podfic

Part Three: When I'm Bad — Fic // Podfic

Part Four: Unless I Can't Resist — Fic // Podfic Part One and Part Two

Wherever you choose to consume, if you choose to do so, please enjoy and pretty please leave @talltalesandbedtimestories some love via comments. She deserves it in spades. 💖

#fanfic #supernatural #wincest #dean winchester #sam winchester #supernatural fanfiction #sam and dean #spn fanfic #brotherly platonic handjobs #that's a tag here right?#idlingintheimpala #podfic #dean winchester smut #sam winchester smut

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suncaptor · 11 months

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hi! i hope you don't mind me asking, but i need a certified opinion on sam winchester and you seemed like the person to go to :D

could you rec me some good sam-centric fic & character studies? preferably for early seasons or pre-series?

i'm showing spn to a friend and they like sam a lot, but we are both. somewhat afraid to go into the tag lol. so I figured you could have something nice bookmarked or there's maybe a rec list i dont know about.

thanks!

Okay I actually mostly read later seasons Sam stuff (or at least s5+) because the more trauma the better <3 but here are some that are either sam studies that include earlier stuff or earlier/preseries (like kripke era)

DO check trigger warnings! since these are (mostly) pre hell (and I would not read w*) they aren't as bad as some of the sam & lucifer fics I'd share, but some still have different potentially triggering themes (like addiction, suicide, etc, so please just be careful! I'm assuming you can check the tags on ao3 <3)

also some are 18+, not sure your age but I don't personally want my followers talking to me about nsfw content if they are minors. so be wary around that too, but they're all outer links so ao3 will have them rated/stop you etc.

Sam w/ OCD rec list & my old Sam rec list

samjess

Sunlight by sp8ce, samjess

The first time Sam tastes blood it's human blood, and it feels like shame and the closest he has been to truly human wrapped up in one. He's never been so safe and in love. The second time it's electric and consuming. He has nothing left, but the desire to chase the power and hold on to the objective of revenge, only still connected at her touch. The third time, he's pretty sure it will kill him, burn him like purifying light from the inside out. --- An exploration of Sam and consuming blood. This work is the first time: with Jessica Moore.

also if you like samjess sp8ce has later seasons ghost samjess too<3

sam & john

the type who doesn't burn by patrocluus

On a late October afternoon in 1997, John Winchester takes his son out into the woods and puts a bullet between his eyes.

make a mirror out of you by sp8ce - john kills jess (it's john pov though)

The thing about Jessica's death is that it makes Sa,m understand John more than anything else ever could and choose everything John's ever wanted Sam to choose. Azazel always seems to have John's silhouette.

sam / gen or multi

This Is the Way (The World Ends) by Lise

In Georgia hunting a skinwalker, Dean saw Sam. AU. Like, really.

Weblike Causality by sp8ce

Which came first? The fear or the inevitability?

instrument by sp8ce

Sam Winchester grasps with his own personhood.

Polaroid Sun Picture by sp8ce

Sam has been stalked his whole life in order to be manipulated into an instrument of his worst fears. He has no privacy to himself. He has no defence.

therefore I react by sp8ce

for a while, in the cage, all Sam sees is a tree.

(okay so I've tried to not give you any lucifer stuff but this one is a sam & learnt helplessness thesis for connecting past & present)

This Kid's Not Alright by safiyabat

What exactly did Sam get up to at Bobby's while Dean was at Sonny's? When John makes a very odd request of the older hunter, Bobby takes the boy into his home for a few months. It isn't an easy time for either of them.

the easy way out and the hardest part by queenbaskerville

Sam would rather die than be Lucifer's vessel. Lucifer will just resurrect him now, but there was a time before the seals were broken—a time before Sam broke the seals. To save the world, to save Dean—Sam knows what he has to do.

The Special Children by TheMightiestPen

After Dean reveals his Dad’s last words, he asks Sam to lay low for a while. This time, Sam says no. This time, Sam goes all in in his search for the other kids like him. S2 AU, for spnhiatuscreations on tumblr for week 5: favorite season.

sam & dean

Dear Abel by lowkey_existential_despair (it has samjess/early sam&dean basis okay)

It wasn’t always like this, is the thing. There used to be a time when caring about Dean was more than just a habit. There was a time, once, when seeing Dean with demon-black eyes would’ve been the worst thing in the world. But that was a long time ago. Now, he looks at this black-eyed version of Dean—wrapped in layers of chains, in pain, sobbing quietly—and he feels nothing. Nothing at all.

Purify by cenotaphy

"We know what happens when Sam drinks demon blood.

…but what happens when Sam drinks angel blood?"

Set at the end of season 4, before Sam gets out of the panic room.

Hell Fractal by sp8ce

Sam's last real memory is of Dean stabbing him after he let Lucifer out. Sam keeps, with varying levels of memory and awareness, waking up in the panic room. With Dean needing to kill him.

Man-in-the-middle by ambersock (who has some lovely fics <3)

Sam hears the driver’s side door open, hears footsteps approaching. He remembers that Dean still has Ruby’s demon-killing blade. Yet another voicemail fix-it.

The Choice by authoressnebula (authoressjean)

(this author has other early seasons sam&dean stuff)

One gun. One bullet. It's up to Sam and Dean to decide who will shoot the bullet…and who will die.

it’s not that i think i’m good, i know i’m evil by redskyatmorning

(author has good later seasons Sam stuff as well)

The conversation that leads up to Sam ending up in the panic room, again, to detox from demon blood.

Fade Far Away, Dissolve, and Quite Forget by Lise

You've seen isolation before, but not like this. It's not quite another hemisphere, but it's close enough.

Catharsis by BlueIris08

Sam copes with learning of Dean's promise to John in the classic Winchester way--with alcohol. Or, the drunken, angsty post-Croatoan/Hunted scene that didn't happen.

Don't Think Twice, It's All Right by WilsonTheMoose

In which Sam gets beaten up (rookie), Dean mentions the voicemail (idiot), and nothing really changes (figures). Fits into the first episode of season 5. For an anonymous prompt on tumblr asking for Dean hitting Sam in the earlier seasons. This is not quite what you wanted anon, sorry.

yeah, well, i don't want to by AreYouReady

He didn't do it on purpose. / Dean sabotages Jess's warding in pilot

Comets, Stars, Haunted Houses, and Other Things Best Observed from a Hundred Million Miles Away by occasionallyalways

See also: violent deaths; apologies; lightning. Or; Something happened in the panic room. Something went wrong. Dean finds out six years later.

sambrady

One to Save You by sp8ce

If Brady needs Sam, he'll be there immediately.

The Piece You're Missing by sp8ce

Brady can't seem to figure out why Sam won't give up on him. They have a conversation where he tries to dissect and understand why.

Out by TheMightiestPen (also sam&dean)

A god-possessed witch reveals a secret that Sam’s been keeping for a long time. The brothers handle it like mature, well-adjusted adults, for once.

sastiel

Grace (made perfect in weakness) by Sidewoundcore (CherryHollow)

After he is freed from the panic room, Castiel, rather than Ruby, is the first person to find Sam. In the end, it changes nothing at all.

atrophy & other stories by saintsurvivor

early seasons sastiel that is sam centric

Monster by Ginipig (voicemail fic so mostly sam&dean)

After everything that happened between him and Dean with the breaking of the final seal, Sam is having trouble moving on. Dean's weird, sort-of helpful angel friend wants to know why.

Not that it's any of his damned business.

Comfort by Never_x_Better

Sam's being tormented by Lucifer and Castiel just wants to help him. Nightmares, blood addiction, hallucinations, and fluff ends up leading the two friends down an interesting path.

Wishing Is Cold This Year by Lise

Dean has his head rather determinedly up his ass, so it falls to Castiel to take this one. Post 5.03ish.

what did you bury / before those hands pulled me from the earth? by starlightswait

It’s the strangest thing. Sam’s in the Cage. And then he’s not.

(technically post kripke but it's my favourite sastiel <;3)

Ruby Red by sp8ce (also samruby but I don't read or write a lot of samruby)

An exploration of Sam and consuming blood. This work has Sam reminiscing on Ruby. He then has more blood forced upon him by some hunters who think they can purify him. (can be read standalone or in series)

#fic rec #fanfiction #writing #sam winchester #sammy #spn #supernatural #fic #incoherents #wow that took hours. making rec lists is a time warp #also there are some of my beautiful mutuals who write beautiful later seasons fic. if i didn't include you it's cause I'm focusing earlier

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deadwerewolfgirlfriend · 1 year

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Supernatural + It was the last confession, not the first. 4.16 On the Head of a Pin, 8.17 Goodbye Stranger, 10.22 The Prisoner, 13.01 Lost and Found, 15.18 Despair (companion piece)

#I love when I spend 6 hours editing for tumblr to pretend the gifs are too big when they are ostensibly not #hellsite!#spn 5 things series #supernatural #spn #spnedit #spndaily #supernaturaldaily #supernaturaledit #spn gifs #castiel #destiel #deancas #dean winchester #my edits #not to be a destiheller in 2023 but #I have been frothing at the mouth about how it was in the narrative all along for 15 years now #their stories were always going to end in blood. family is hell more like loving and being loved is hell #sorry for my 6 followers who are probably not here to hear me destihelling but I had to get it out somehow

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imagines-all-day-everyday · 2 years

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A Hunting Trip | Series Masterlist

pairing: dean winchester x reader & damon salvatore x reader

series status: ongoing

synopsis: dean and sam are on the hunt for their father and the yellow-eyed demon that killed their mother when they're suddenly sent the coordinates to a small town in virginia. the last thing they expect to find when they arrive is an old childhood friend, who to dean's surprise is not exactly a child anymore. oh and a town brimming with vampires and other supernatural creatures. (the supernatural x vampire diaries crossover fic of your dreams)

notes: set in the story arcs of season 3 of tvd & season 1 of spn (i know the years don't match up but just roll with it)

1. a hunting trip

2. a morning meeting

3. a spiked punch

4. a crash course in self defence

5. a surprise invitation - coming soon

6. a dinner party - coming soon

7. a mikaelson ball - coming soon

TAG LIST (open)

@woodworthti666 @sisterslytherinog @dreamingawakeuniverse @dragonfire @trigger-baby @nearly-a-winchester @rosariia25 @ashdab2611 @thescarletknight2014 @spunky-89 @trunkswithlonghair-blog @depressedprincess24 @rachelccollier @alyeskathewave @cicatraize @depressedprincess24 @jori21 @capswife @mmabodybuilder @bdudette @wolflover252 @starved-kitten @elizabeth916

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janicho88 · 10 months

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When It All Falls Apart- Chapter 5

Pairing- Jensen x Padalecki Reader

Word count- 5,709

Warnings- Some language. Jensen isn't the best boyfriend. I warned before this started posting it would contain angst, if you need another reminder, here it is. If I missed something let me know!

A/N-You all knew this part was coming sooner or later, some of you even called for it. Starting with this chapter, we'll start to see things from Jensen's side also. A little off canon, SPN ended after 10 years. We still got all the characters in during that time though. Thank you to @writercole and @leigh70 for your help with this. You two are amazing!!

Summary-Y/N Padalecki loved acting on Supernatural. Working alongside your older brother and your boyfriend, but after ten seasons the guys have chosen to hang up the guns. Now the three of you are moving on to other projects, but that’s all that needs to change right? While you have moved to Austin to be closer to your family and boyfriend, Jensen is working elsewhere. Distance is only the start of your troubles.

Series Masterlist

Jensen takes the rare opportunity to sleep in Sunday morning and is the last one down to breakfast. His sister and her husband Jeremy have already arrived and are sitting at the table with his parents.

“Did someone have a late night?” Mackenzie teases him.

“Not too bad. Just taking advantage of catching up on some sleep,” he answers with a yawn.

“What did you and Y/N do yesterday?” his mom asks him.

“I didn’t see her yesterday. I was meeting with Steve, and we had a few people to go see. Trying to work out deals for a project.”

“What did she do then?” his mom tries again.

“Not a clue, I didn’t talk to her yesterday. I was kind of busy. Why the sudden interest in her day?”

He is filling his coffee cup and doesn’t see the looks exchanged around the table.

“Is everything alright with you two?” His dad questions.

“It’s fine.”

“Yeah, sounds like it,” he doesn’t hear his sister mutter.

Josh and his family arrive after breakfast, while Jensen is upstairs showering. He misses the kids and his brother coming in to wish his dad a ‘Happy Father’s Day.’ When Jensen comes back down everyone is sitting in the living room with the kids playing in the middle of the floor. He takes his phone out to take a picture of his nephews and notices a missed text from Gen, making a note to read it later, he snaps a few shots of the boys.

His family asks him questions about work, and what he has been up to. He inquires about each of them. They grill out for a late lunch before he has to leave for the airport. His mom walks out to the rental car with him.

“You’re sure everything is alright? You aren’t hiding something so we won’t worry?”

“No, it’s all fine mom.”

“Even with Y/N?”

“Yeah. I do have to get going to catch my flight. It was good to see all of you.”

“I’m glad you could make it home, even for a short visit. Your dad enjoyed seeing all of you for Father’s Day.”

He’s double checking his suitcase for his passport and not really listening to his mom at the moment, “Yeah, sure I’ll try and make it home then.”

“What?” Donna asks.

Finding his passport, Jensen stands to give his mom one last hug. “Good to see all of you. Take care, love you ma.”

While sitting on the plane waiting for the rest of the passengers to load, Jensen takes out his phone and lazily scrolls through it. He remembers the message he missed from Gen early and opens that conversation, checking the date, he sees it is actually from yesterday.

‘Did you forget something today Ackles?????????????’

“I don’t know Gen, did I forget something?” he mutters to himself, while just replying with question marks of his own.

Next he pulls up Instagram, it takes him a moment to realize he is seeing multiple posts about Father’s Day.

‘It’s not Father’s Day,’ he thinks to himself, ‘that’s not until the middle of June.”

There is a voice over the intercom telling all passengers to turn off electronics before Jensen has a chance to think more about the holiday or the date. He goes over the next script for ‘The Boys’ and notes from the meetings with Steve the day before, never giving the date another thought.

Your Sunday is spent with your parents and Jared’s family. You and Gen get up to make a big breakfast for everyone. Tom has homemade cards for his dad and grandpa he places on the table. Your mom comes down, and helps the two of you finish it all up.

Jared and your dad take Tom out to the park for some male bonding time after breakfast. Gen, your mom and yourself move to the living room.

While they are talking babies you excuse yourself to go for a walk. You are hoping it will help all the thoughts running around your head. You pass Jensen’s house and pause. You can’t help but think that he has already started to move on without you. You’re the one who just hasn’t caught up with the times yet.

On Monday, Jared and Gen have meetings for Walker, so you are hanging out with Tom. You are used to working twelve to fourteen hour days on set, but somehow this little man wears you out more than those do. The two of you play outside on the swing set, he has you chase him during a long game of tag, you’re in the pool and back inside rolling toy cars around on the floor. When your sister-in-law returns you happily hand your nephew back.

Jensen is on set Tuesday, when Jack is talking to some of the other cast members about his parents’ visit over the weekend.

“They haven’t been to Toronto in awhile and decided to use visiting for Father’s Day as an excuse to come up this weekend.”

“If they were coming for Father’s Day, why did they come this past weekend?” Jensen asks him.

A few people turn and look at him. “Father’s Day was this past weekend,” Chase tells him.

“No, it wasn’t, it couldn’t have been.”

Others are also confirming this. Jensen doesn’t have his phone with him, or his watch on.

“What’s the date?” he asks his cast mates.

“21st of June. Everything all right mate?” Karl asks sitting across the board from him.

“Son of a bitch,” Jensen yells out, “I missed Y/N’s birthday. It was the 18th.”

He gets up from his chair to head to his trailer where his phone is to call you, but is called to set before he has the chance to get very far. It’s after 2 am before they wrap for the night, he’s beat just going straight home and falling asleep.

He forgot to set his alarm before collapsing in bed, when he rolls over Wednesday morning and looks at the clock he has to move it. He has maybe ten minutes before he needs to be leaving the apartment for set.

Once he arrives he is sent straight to hair and makeup before being ushered to wardrobe. His PA takes his bag back to his trailer for him. When they break for lunch he is in the middle of a discussion with Karl and Anthony that completely distracts him. He makes a quick stop by his trailer before he has to be back on set. Pulling his phone out of his bag he sees a missed call from you.

“Son of a bitch, I still haven’t talked to her,” he growls out. He tries calling back, but just reaches your voicemail. He hangs up and throws his phone back in the bag before returning to set.

Wednesday, you finally relent and call Jensen. He never has time to talk long so you make the call on your way to the studio to redo some voice over work for the Netflix show that just wrapped. You shouldn’t be surprised that it ends up going straight to voicemail. The plane ticket you received for your birthday is to fly out Friday morning, you figure you should probably tell Jensen you are coming up. Who knows, maybe just showing up would actually get you some time with him. Leaving your phone in the car you walk into the studio.

Coming back to your car two hours later, you check your phone for messages before leaving the parking lot. You have to reread the name when you see you have a missed call from Jensen, it’s rare he calls you back this quick lately or even at all. Hitting the call button you once again get his voicemail, this time you leave a message.

“Hey Jay, I just wanted to tell you Jared and Gen got me a ticket to fly up to Toronto. I’ll be landing around 2:30 Friday afternoon. I’ll talk to you later, have a good day.”

Getting back to your brother’s place you are busy the rest of the night. The two of them went out with a friend of Gen’s and you volunteered to watch Tom. The little man has a lot of energy to burn tonight. When you finally get him down, you start going through clothes in your room to take with you this weekend.

In Toronto, Jensen has finally wrapped for the night. Today’s scenes were a bit…well, what one would come to expect from The Boys. There is a knock on his trailer door as he’s finishing changing out of his costume. Chase and Jack are on the other side.

“Hey, we’re going out with Karl for a drink after that mess. You in?”

“Definitely, let me grab my bag,” he tells them.

One drink turns into a couple and they are out for a few hours. In the cab on the way back to his place, Jensen pulls out his phone to check his call time for the next day. Seeing a voicemail message, he tells himself he’ll listen to it tomorrow when he’s in better shape. Clearing the notification he checks his calendar before turning off the phone.

Thursday has a noon call time, and sees them filming until two in the morning on location. It was almost four am before he got to bed. Walking up after ten the next morning he has a new voicemail notification. He listens to the call from the director on a schedule change for the weekend. Because Eric is going to be in town for a few days and they want the big man on set for the shooting of certain scenes, they are going to be moved up to this weekend.

Then his phone tells him he has a missed message. “Who'd I miss?” he mumbles to himself. When he hears your message, his eyes go wide in surprise, “crap.”

Just as he’s hanging up from the voicemail, the phone rings with your name popping up.

“Hey pretty girl,”

“Hi Jay, how are you?”

“Fine, tired. I just got your message. Are you sure you really want to?”

He hears the tired sigh you let out, “I’m at the airport, waiting for the plane. If you don’t want me to come up there, tell me now.”

“I don’t know how much time I’ll have to spend with you.”

“We aren’t spending any time together currently, whatever I can get this weekend is better than that.” You just hear him groan over the line. “If you want me to call Jared to come pick me back up I will.”

“No. When do you get in?”

“The plane’s scheduled to land around 2:40, then I have to clear customs.”

“I have to be on set, I’m not going to be able to meet you.”

“Okay, I can take a cab over to the studio.”

“No, just come back to the apartment. I’ll leave a spare key in an envelope with the receptionist,” he tells you.

“Okay. See you soon. Love you.”

“Yeah, love ya.”

His head falls back against the pillow as he hangs up. His easy weekend is now going to be a bit more complicated.

At the airport in Austin, you sit back against the hard seat with a sigh. This was off to a rocky start and the plane hasn’t even boarded yet. Thankfully the flight itself was an easy one. After making your way through customs you exit the building to try and find a cab.

When you arrive at his apartment building, you need to show your ID in order to pick up the envelope he left with the key. The doorman shows you up, at least Jensen remembered to tell him you were coming before he left.

Opening the apartment door, you take a look around. It’s fairly empty, but you shouldn’t be surprised. Jensen is only going to have this place a few months. You take your suitcase down the hall, you think this is the way to the bedroom. It’s the second door you try. There is a photo of you and Jensen on his nightstand, it gives you some hope seeing it there. Taking a few things out of your bag, you then explore the apartment. It’s a little bit of a mess, so you spend some time tidying it up. The fridge is empty, so you go down to inquire about the nearest grocery store. It isn’t too far away, so you decide to walk over. With your hands full, you take a cab back to the apartment.

There are a few items to put away in the cupboard, you make a few meals to freeze that Jensen can thaw later, then prepare pasta, salad and bread for dinner. All this time you haven’t heard a word from Jay, not even checking that you made it in alright. You send a text asking if he knows how late he’ll be working, but don’t receive a response.

By eight, you fix yourself a plate for dinner and eat alone at the table. Putting the rest away, you curl up on the couch, and find a movie on Netflix. It’s after eleven when the door opens and Jensen finally comes in. Getting up from the couch, you go over to greet him.

“Hey honey,” you say before leaning up to kiss him.

“Hi babe.” He gives you a quick kiss before pulling away. “I need a shower.”

He rejoins you in the living room ten minutes later, sitting next to you on the couch.

“There’s some pasta in the fridge, if you would like me to heat some up for you?”

“I’m good, we ate on set.”

“Okay. Do you have anything going on tomorrow?”

“I’ve got a 10 am call time. Should go till 8 or so.”

You just nod in response. It’s been awhile since you’ve had his arm wrapped around you, and you are just going to enjoy that for now. The movie on the screen ends and you suggest going to bed hoping to feel more than his arm around your shoulders tonight.

You come out of the bathroom ready for bed in a new lace chemise, and find your boyfriend sound asleep. Grabbing one of his old t-shirts from your bag, you turn around to go back to change.

The next morning Jensen is up before you are. You find him out at the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee and what looks like a script.

“Morning, do you want breakfast before you leave?”

“No, I already had something. But thanks.”

“Can I come to set with you today? Hang out in between scenes with you?”

“No, they don’t like other people on set. Don’t want any secrets getting out.”

“Oh, yeah, sure. I guess I’ll go explore the city then. Text me when you’re done, we can maybe grab a late dinner somewhere?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Do you film tomorrow?”

“No, it’s just going over some choreography for fight scenes on Tuesday.”

“So it should be a shorter day?”

“Hopefully. Chase, Karl and I have a tee time at 2.”

“Great.” You’re only here for a few days, but getting a round of golf in takes precedence apparently.

Once Jensen leaves for work you pull out your phone to find something to entertain yourself with today. You decide to start the day at Ripley’s Aquarium of Canada.

The tour of the aquarium takes you first to the Dangerous Lagoon overlook. There you see sharks, turtles, eels and sawfish. A sign says it is the largest exhibit at the aquarium, and has around 2.9 million liters of water. From there you enter the Discovery Center which has interactive exhibits and features Zebra and Blacktip Reef Sharks along with Clownfish. The Canadian Waters and Kelp Forest are next where you see octopus, lobsters, Cod, Wolf Eel, and Paddlefish.

On the lower level of the aquarium you see the Rainbow Reef which recreates the coral seas of the Pacific. Planet Jellies has various breeds of jellyfish. The Ray-Bay is home to five types of stingrays and the Bonnethead Shark. A sign says that back on the main level you can pet the rays at the top of the tank.

Back up top, you stroll through the gallery area next. This is home to Electric Eels, Seahorses, Piranhas, Pufferfish and Mudskippers. A quick tour of the gift shop and you are on your way out.

The aquarium is right near the base of the CN Tower. Being so close, you couldn’t pass that up. The tower was completed in 1976 and stands 1,815.5 feet tall.

Getting off the elevators at the observation level you are currently 1,136 feet off the ground. The glass floor lets you look to the ground 114 stories below. You go up to the Skypod which is 33 stories above the main observation level. It is the highest observation platform in the Western Hemisphere. You can see all the way to New York and Niagara Falls from here. You can also feel the building swaying a lot more up here. You hear a guide mention the antenna above the Skypods gets hit by lightning an average of 75 times a year. The mix of the swaying and lightning are enough to send you back down to ground level.

You grab a light lunch and walk over to High Park to sit and enjoy it. Finishing your lunch you take a walk down one of the nature trails. Walking alone your thoughts drift to Jensen. Once again today, you haven’t heard from him at all. You are right here in his town and he can’t seem to spare you any time.

That afternoon you end up strolling through the CF Toronto Eaton Centre Mall. It is a huge shopping center with more than 250 stores. In your current mood nothing there really grabs your attention.

By seven you are on your way back to Jensen’s apartment to get cleaned up to have dinner with him. At 8:30 you send a text asking if he was going to be getting off soon. Almost an hour later, you receive a reply.

Jensen 💗-On my way back

You-Do you still want to go out and grab dinner?

Jensen💗-No

Alrighty then. You pull leftovers out of the fridge and start warming them up for dinner. When he walks in, you just about have everything ready to go.

“Hey honey, if you want to shower first, dinner is almost ready.”

“I already ate.”

“What?”

“It was a rough shoot, I went out and grabbed a drink with Karl, Jack and Anthony. We ordered some food there.”

He heads off to the bathroom, and you just stare after him. “Well thanks for telling me,” you mutter after him.

No longer hungry you put everything away once more. Entering the bedroom you change into sweats and sit down on the corner of the couch. It isn’t long until Jensen returns, he collapses in the middle of the couch.

“What a day. Anything Kripke was unable to throw at us during Supernatural is sure finding its way out now.”

“Hmm.”

“This season is going to be so sick.”

You don’t respond, just keep your eyes straight ahead on the television.

“What’s your problem?” He turns his head to look at you.

“What’s going on with us?” you ask.

“What do you mean?”

“I feel like I don’t matter to you any more. We rarely talk anymore.”

“We’re talking right now, or I was trying to but you’re ignoring me.”

“I thought we were going to do something tonight, but you went out with your friends while I was waiting for you. You could have at least let me know what was going on.”

“It’s been a long couple of days, I don’t want to fight with you. I’m going to bed.”

You watch him leave, biting your lip, you rest your head back against the couch trying not to cry. That did not go the way you wanted it to at all. Going into the extra bedroom you grab a folded blanket off the unmade bed, and bring it back to the couch, planning on sleeping there tonight. The television keeps you company, while your mind replays everything.

The next morning, the sound of cupboard doors slamming around wakes you up. Stretching as you sit up, you notice Jensen moving around the kitchen. He looks over at you when he sees you move, but doesn’t say anything. He leaves a short time later.

You don’t feel like doing much of anything today. You hang out around the apartment watching Hallmark. Why does everything always work out for them?

Around four, you get a text from Jensen that says he has something with the cast. Another night alone, fabulous. Why did you even bother coming? Changing into presentable clothes you head out to find some food, getting into the elevator you are shocked at who you see.

“Eric, hi.”

“Y/N, how are you? I wasn’t sure if you were in town or not this weekend.”

“Yeah, I just got in on Friday, staying a few days. Doing alright, how are you?

“Good, are you coming to dinner?”

“What?”

“A bunch of the crew is going for dinner. Aren’t you going to meet Ackles? I’ll give you a lift.”

His phone rings and you don’t get a chance to reply. Getting off the elevator you follow him outside, planning to still go off on your own. When the car pulls up, he waves you inside. His phone call lasts almost the whole way to the restaurant, even though he keeps attempting to end it. He is finally able to put it down just before the car pulls into the parking lot.

“Sorry about that. Everything is a huge problem to some of the network execs. Talking with Jared, I thought you were going to be here this weekend, but then I never saw you around set with Jensen.”

“He told me I couldn’t come with him. Are you sure I can be here tonight? Jensen didn’t invite me.”

“I would have let you on set, no problem. Yes, you are more than welcome to join us tonight. Have you met anyone yet?”

“Just Karl.”

You follow him through the restaurant, when he arrives at the large table he calls out, “look who I found on my way here.”

Your eyes are on Jensen who has Claudia’s arm around his shoulders as she is whispering in his ear.

“Hey!” Karl yells, “where have you been hiding?”

He gets up to give you a hug, Jensen gives you a questioning look, while everyone else just stares. Eric looks around the table and asks a passing waiter for one more place setting and chair.

“I’ve been hanging out around the apartment, explored Toronto yesterday,” you finally answer Karl’s question.

“So you come all the way up here, and don’t even visit the set? Should we be hurt?” Karl’s last question is directed at Kripke.

“What are you doing here?” Jensen interrupts them.

“Are you going to introduce us, Eric?” Anthony questions at the same time.

“I ran into Eric in the elevator, and he invited me to come along,” you answer Jensen.

“Why didn’t you bring her?” Eric asks your boyfriend, who just shrugs in response.

“Some of us still don’t know what’s going on,” Jack calls out.

“This is Y/N Padalecki, this lovely lady was Ali Black on Supernatural,” Eric introduces you.

“She also has horrible taste in men, because she’s dating that brute,” Karl tells them as he points to Jensen.

Anthony, Karen, Jack, Erin and Chase all stand up to greet you. A chair is added next to Jensen as everyone but Claudia scoots down to make room for you.

After the group has ordered, Karl looks at you from across the table. “How long are you here for?”

“I have a flight out tomorrow afternoon.”

“We have some fight sequences to finalize in the mornin’, are you coming to tour the set?” He asks.

“I don’t know,” you look over at Jensen, who has remained silent.

As time goes on you notice that Claudia seems to keep touching Jensen, her hand is on her arm, his thigh, and shoulder. ‘Really girl’ you think ‘right in front of me?’

Erin asks about what you have going on now with Supernatural over. You tell her about Walker. Jensen seems agitated next to you, you finally turn and ask if he’s alright. Instead of answering he stands up and nods for you to join him out in the hall.

“I can’t believe you got Eric to bring you along,” Jensen harshly whispers to you.

“It wasn’t my intention, I just ran into him when I got in the elevator.”

“I don’t understand what your problem is.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The attitude you had last night, sleeping on the couch, now putting yourself in the middle of a cast get together. What are you trying to do?”

“When did you become such an asshole? Maybe playing Soldier Boy has gone to your head. If you don’t want me here, and it’s such a big deal to have me here, I’ll leave.”

With that you turn back toward the room to grab your purse. You expect Jensen to stop you, but he never does. The waiter is coming back in and you quietly ask him to cancel your order. Before walking out the door, you turn back to the table.

“It was nice meeting you all. I’m sorry, but I have to be going. Enjoy the rest of your night.” With that you turn and leave.

Eric is right behind you, he can’t get your attention so he grabs your arm once you step outside.

“Hey, what’s going on?”

“Nothing, I just have to go.”

“Y/N, I’ve known you a long time. I can see you’re upset, and you’re barely holding back tears.” He looks around for a moment before spotting a bench. “Come sit down for a minute.”

“I’ll be alright, you should get back inside,” you try to tell him.

“Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

You know he isn’t going to let go, with a sigh you start talking. “Things with Jensen and I haven’t been going so great lately. He barely answers my calls or texts. I don’t know the last time he even called or texted me to start a conversation. Gen thought it might be good for us if I came up here and we spent some time together. I’ve still barely seen him.”

You take a deep breath to try and get yourself back under control, but you can’t help the tears sliding down your face. “I’m afraid our relationship might have run its course, and I don’t mean anything to him any more. I’m just someone he used to have around because I was convenient.”

“Oh Y/N, I’m so sorry you are feeling like this. I don’t know what’s going on with him, but I know you always meant a lot to him,” Eric tries to comfort you.

“Used to. I can’t keep going like this, the last month has been rough. I tried to talk to him last night and that didn’t go over well. Now he’s mad that I’m here. When things were good with us, he would have been the first one up to give me a hug. He would have been the one introducing me to his new cast mates, not you and Karl. We would have spent any free time he had together, going for a drink or golfing with the guys wouldn’t have been more important.”

“I’m sorry, you don’t deserve to be treated like that,” Eric says softly. You can tell he is a bit out of his comfort zone here.

You nod your head, you know what you have to do and your heart is crumbling into pieces. Turning in your seat you give Eric a hug. “Thanks for everything Eric. Will you do me a favor and keep an eye on him for me?”

“Anything for you. I won’t let him get into too much trouble tonight.”

You bite your lip and wipe the tears off your face, “I don’t just mean tonight.”

It takes Eric a second, but after all you’ve just said, he understands what you mean. “I will, you take care of yourself. He gives you a hug before hailing you a cab and returning inside.

You stare out the window during the ride back to the apartment. When you return you start packing up your things. After your bag is ready you pull out your phone looking for a flight out. You aren’t sure you could make any that are leaving tonight, so you change it to one leaving at 6:10 am. Sitting on the couch you wait for Jensen to return.

Over an hour later he finally walks through the door. You stand up as he sets his keys down on the counter.

“We need to talk,” you tell him. softly

“We do. What were you thinking trying to insert yourself like that? I’m still new here, I can’t have you pushing your way in the middle of things, or asking for special tours around set. What are they going to think?”

“As I told you earlier, I didn’t ask Eric to bring me along, I was going out to find my own dinner and ran into him when I was going to do that. He told me to come along, and that it was alright. Karl asked about me taking a tour, I didn’t push for one.”

“I can’t afford to have you rocking the boat here.”

“You don’t have to worry about that, I’m done. I can’t…I can’t do whatever this has become anymore.” You gesture between the two of you.

That catches Jensen’s attention, and he notices your packed bag next to the couch. “What are you talking about? Where are you going?”

“What I started to try and talk to you about last night. I don’t know what’s happened to us, but I can’t take it anymore. I’ve changed my flight to leave earlier. I feel like I am the only one trying to hold this together anymore. Right now you’re more worried about making a bad impression on people you’ve worked with for a few months, then about me. You barely answer when I call or text you. Any of our limited conversations anymore revolve around you, I doubt you could tell me what I have going on in my life lately.”

“That’s not true, you’re filming that…um…that…”

“The Netflix series? Maid, about a single mom fleeing from abuse and trying to make it with her child. We wrapped a few weeks ago. I told you that in Chicago.”

“You’re getting ready for Walker then.”

“You’re grasping at straws, Jens.”

“I don’t understand why you want to end things? What was the point of coming up here? Was it just to break up? Did you meet someone else?”

You shake your head, not believing what is coming out of his mouth. “I came up here to see if there was any way we could save our relationship. But when spending time with you cast mates, who are here with you everyday, is more important than me who you have barely seen, I have my answer. If you really need an answer to the last question it’s no. Honestly, going by all the pictures online, and dinner tonight, I should be the one asking that. But I know you better than that. At least I used to.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know when I became so unimportant to you, something that could just be tossed aside when I wasn’t useful.”

He looks at you in shock. “That’s not true and you know it.”

“I really don’t, not anymore. With everything going on in your life, there isn’t time for me. A backseat is okay once in a while, but it’s not a place I’m willing to stay.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your career is really taking off, and I can’t keep up with everything. We don’t even live in the same county anymore. I just don’t fit in your life anymore, and I deserve better than what I’m getting.”

“Everything I do is for us.”

“You really going with that? After how you treated me this weekend? How you’ve been treating me the last few months?”

“Any girl would be happy to be in your place.”

“I don’t know when you became this self absorbed asshole, but that’s not the guy I fell in love with, the guy I planned my future with. I’m sorry Jensen, but I can’t take the hurt and loneliness that have come from this relationship anymore. I don’t want to cry myself to sleep over us another night, or wonder when you’re going to feel like talking to me again.”

“After everything I did for us, if you think it’s really so bad to be dating me, then there is no reason to drag this out,” he spits out, his anger rising. “Make sure to be out of the house before I get back to Texas.”

You give a small shake of your head, “if you knew how things were going with me. You would know I’ve been staying at my brother’s house because I wasn’t comfortable alone in yours. I don’t have much left there, it will be out soon.”

You grab your bag and head for the door, stopping before you open it. “I did love you, you meant the world to me. I told Jared no matter what happens between us, I didn’t want it to affect your friendship. I wish you the best Jens, and I really am happy for you and everything that’s coming your way. I just wish there was still room for me in your world.” Taking one last look at your now ex, you quickly exit the apartment.

Thank you for reading!

Chapter 6