#sorry nonny i’m not much into other ships lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jbuffyangel · 1 month

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Hi this may be an odd question but reading your blog (and other Olicity blogs) it strikes me that while you provide insightful in depth analysis of the show at large you proudly admit that Oliver and Felicity’s relationship is paramount to your overall enjoyment and investment in the show. I personally possess a lot of internal shame stemming from my primary focus on the ship and will feel the need to justify my interest in the other aspects of the show (which I do love but I also love Olicity). I struggle with this with not just Arrow but any tv show where the romantic relationship isn’t intended to be the main premise of a show. I know I am allowing myself to be impacted by the views of comic book (and mostly male) fans and I can acknowledge that many of their views on Olicity fans and the show at large when it comes to the ship are at least somewhat if not primarily misogynistic. Despite knowing it comes from a sexist place which loves to shame women for enjoying romance and reduce our enjoyment to a surface level guilty pleasure unaware of the ways a romantic relationship can add major depth and development to a story as is the case with Arrow (although even if it didn’t add that it would still be valid to like the romance aspects), I still internalize those sexist sentiments and feel ashamed and like I cannot fully enjoy those things are I have to add caveats of my enjoyment. I was just wondering if you ever struggled with this or if you have always felt confident in proudly proclaiming your interest and investment in ships or if it was something that evolved over time. I’m sorry if this is a weird question I just witnessed your confidence in the validity of your passion and I wish I could have that conviction and not feel the shame that misogynistic society has given me in regards to shipping and enjoying romance. It’s definitely much harder in a fandom like Arrow where antis will openly voice their disdain for shippers and make extremely disparaging remarks and assumptions about Olicity shippers but I have felt this way in other fandoms too even when non shippers aren’t this aggressive or sexist.

Hello Nonnie!!!! I am so happy you reached out :) Apologies for the delay. I haven't checked my inbox for about a week. You write so beautifully!

To be honest, I've always marched to the beat of my own drum. I was a sick kid and had difficulty making friends because of it. I was teased in school a lot because of my health issues. Elementary school was not fun. I liked my mom and I liked being home. (These things really haven't changed). The Lord blessed me with a great imagination and a love for stories. I would just play by myself because the world I invented was so much cooler than reality.

It did give me a very strong independent streak, which my parents encouraged. The world had been very cruel to them as well. I was highly encouraged to stand up for myself, tell people where to stick it, and not care what other people think.

I was much healthier in high school and made a bunch of friends. But even my friends, who I know love me to this day, thought it was weird how obsessed I was with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. My family thought I joined a cult lol. I just like what I like. It never mattered to me if anyone else liked it.

I find it absolutely insane that anyone looks down on love stories. Love stories have been around for as long as there's been human beings on this planet. Every culture has love stories. Why? Love is central to being human. Love is what MAKES us human. We are here on this planet to be loved and to love in return. It's the whole damn point. And I'm not speaking just about romance. We build our lives around all kinds of different relationships. It is not exclusive to romantic love.

But let's address romantic stories, since that seems to be the genre asshats have a problem with. The question is why? Probably because it's popular with women and God forbid we'd be supportive of women and things they like. The horror. I think you absolutely nailed it here:

Despite knowing it comes from a sexist place which loves to shame women for enjoying romance and reduce our enjoyment to a surface level guilty pleasure...

But sometimes I think there are more personal reasons people have such vile reactions to it. Maybe they don't have romantic love in their own life. Maybe they've been hurt by partners. Maybe they've been rejected and are lonely. Maybe romance stories are a painful reminder of what they don't have. I'm not sure. What I do know is that hurt people hurt people. So, more often than not, what I feel is not shame, but pity.

We're clearly on the right track since every television show, movie, book and comic book has some romantic element to it. Romance sells. So, feel confident because you are in the majority.

I don't give the comic book crowd too much thought. My attitude when it came to Arrow was there's plenty of room for everyone to love what they love, hate what they hate, and go about their merry way. Don't like my blog? Cool. There's the door. Plenty of fish in the sea friends. Seek out other bloggers. Start your own blog! The internet is a vast place. Go with God.

But there is an element of ownership within that community that makes them think they can dictate who can watch a show/movie, what we can like or dislike, who can portray the characters on screen, what stories should be told and how they should be told. It's not just romance. Comic book fans are LOUD about basically everything.

To a certain extent, I get it. You love a character and their stories for a long time. It's very exciting when those stories which only existed on paper are going to be brought to life onscreen. Comic books are a refuge for many people, no different than books or movies. So, it can be very upsetting when you don't feel the tv show or movie has met your expectations. I've been bummed out on more than one occasion with books being made into a movie or television show. We've all been there.

But that doesn't mean they get to be the bouncers at the door. They don't get to gatekeep. They don't get to be racists assholes when an actor or actress doesn't look exactly like the character on the page. They are entitled to their opinion, and their opinion only, but it does not give them a free pass to be hateful towards others who may disagree.

I don't want to single out comic book fans out - this is a general internet problem. People just become assholes behind a keyboard. They say things they would never have the guts to say in person. And clearly this is not ALL comic book fans. I have met many wonderful comic book fans who are welcoming and kind. They love Olicity just as much as I do. Even if they didn't, they respect differing opinions. They are just good human beings overall.

In the beginning of my blog, I debated with antis a lot because I thought we were all just having fun. But when the death threats started because I like Olicity and believed Arrow was going to kill off Laurel Lance, then I reached a point where maybe I was dealing with people who were a few paper plates short of a picnic, if ya know what I'm mean. It's a TELEVISION SHOW. These characters are NOT REAL. But there's no reasoning with crazy.

Do you know who are huge comic book fans? Greg Berlanti and Marc Guggenheim. We're talking HARD CORE. And who created Olicity? Greg and Marc. Don't even get me started on the hate they receive.

I know there were entire Reddit threads devoted to trashing me and my blog. Did I read it? No. Did I engage with those people? No. When Stephen Amell's Facebook became a cesspool of terrible antis going after Olicity fans - I left. Did I read the messages in my inbox that were nasty? Nope. DELETED. Did I read the Lauriver tag on tumblr? Nope. We were North and South. The Red Sox and the Yankees. We were never going to agree, so you stay on your side and I'll stay on mine. And when some in the Olicity fandom turned on me because I was still enjoying the show in later seasons, I unfollowed and blocked if necessary. It really boils down to this - can you disagree with someone and remain a polite and kind person? Many folks do not have this skill.

The key to mental health on the internet is control your environment. Do not engage with people who are mean. It's really that simple. Because no matter how "strong" you are mentally, over time, nasty and demeaning comments have a way of sinking in and taking root inside your mind. It's completely understandable that your feelings get hurt because that's the intention! They are trying to hurt you. They are trying to shame you. So don't give them the opportunity.

Does that mean there will be some websites, blogs, social media sites that you don't go to anymore? Yes. Does that mean there will be some fans you don't engage with? Yes. But you know what? The internet is a vast place and there are plenty of people out there who share your opinions. Who love what you love and want nothing more than to chat with you about it until 4 am in the morning. Those are your people. That's your community.

And just for the record, romance loving shippers can be terrible too. I've seen awful behavior from our side of the fence so we're certainly not exempt from the behavior we receive from antis. And loving romance is no guarantee people will be nice either. My shipper flag was forged in the fiery pits of shipper hell - The Vampire Diaries fandom. Nasty doesn't even come close to what I experienced in the great Stelena vs. Delena wars. Arrow is child's play in comparison.

Here's the thing. Arrow is about one man's evolution to a superhero. He could not become that superhero without the love of one woman. LOVE is central to Oliver Queen's development and if you don't understand that part of the story then you really don't understand Arrow.

I think you'll find when it comes to Arrow that it's not romance antis have a problem with. It's who Oliver's romantic partner is. If it was Laurel Lance they would've been happier than clams. But Arrow deviated from "comic book canon" and developed an organic character with an actress Stephen Amell actually had chemistry with. And they CANNOT get over it. But thems the breaks.

I think my perspective on humanity has not really evolved past age six in kindergarten. If you make fun of me or are cruel then you're not a nice person and I will have nothing to do with you going forward. I've approached life like this and overall I have come out the other side a healthier person because of it. The beauty of the internet is there's always another playground to find friends.

I've always been a shipper since I was a little kid. I could never understand why Bobby & Pam couldn't work it out on Dallas. Loved every single husband Erica Kane had on All My Children. (My mother let me watch some wildly inappropriate tv as a kid). I was really torn between Prince Lotor and Keith for Princess Allura on Voltron. I really didn't understand why He-Man and She-Ra couldn't date. I was obsessed with Jerrica and Rio on Jem. And on and on it goes.

In the immortal words of our Queen, Taylor Swift, "The worst kind of person is someone who makes someone feel bad, dumb or stupid for being excited about something.” She's bang on. Always trust in TSwizzle. I'm a 42 year old woman with a full life who wears her shipper flag proudly. Love what you love my friend. Screw the haters.

And feel free to message me whenever you want to talk shipping. This is a shipper safe zone and always will be. You have absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed of.

#arrow #arrow fandom #olicity #olicity fandom #personal #arrow meta #olicity meta

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bihansthot · 10 months

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I love Bi-Han and I don't want him to be with Sareena 😭 I'm scared that in MK1 they will make him have a girlfriend or something. I prefer when we fans selfship him lol I 100% prefer your character Sol over Sareena or other combatant. Maybe I'm toxic but I'm just sooo jealous lmaoo

Ahhhh I understand what you mean all too well nonny. I had a nightmare the other night that in this timeline Bi-Han is the one with a wife and family instead of Scorpion. Which I think I could get over because ultimately I just want him to be happy but not with Sareena, something about Sareena just rubs me the wrong way. She just doesn’t seem sincere, like she doesn’t truly love Bi-Han she just wants to be saved by someone, anybody. I can’t really explain it but I just have never liked her. I’d much prefer Bi-Han with Jataaka if he has to be with an existing MK kharacter. I was so thrilled when Kabal married Sareena in his MK11 ending even though the endings aren’t canon it made me so happy to see her with someone else. Though I felt bad for people who ship with Kabal, but selfishly I did think better them than me. I’m sorry Kabal shippers! It’s strange I’m not jealous when it comes to other self shippers or OC shippers with Bi-Han, I just want to be friends and talk about how great Bi-Han is but the idea of him having someone in game is like awful. Please don’t do that to us Boon. We’ve been through enough 😭

#mortal kombat #bi han #sub zero #og sub zero #mk sareena #please don’t give him a girlfriend or wife #please boon I beg you #we stan bi han stans

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matan4il · 1 year

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I totally understand people's frustration with the lack of Buddie interaction but let me just say one thing. If Kristen really disliked Buddie why open with such a beautiful family scene. The dim lighting, the lasagna, the roasting, the couch metaphor that has been in play since Taylor!!! Where is that couch by the way. Lucy better not being sitting where family game nights were held lol.

But seriously you could have just had Buddie in the locker room with a 3 sentence exchange "end scene".

None of us can promise they will be Canon but if I had my doubts it's not because of the beginning of the season. If I am actually being really honest if you asked me in S3 which one could have been gay I would have guessed Buck. Baby me then would never had guessed that in S6 I was more sure Eddie Diaz was queer and Buck may not be TBH. I only had that thought back then because that was actually my worst fear if they didn't go Canon. That one of them would end up with a man and the other with a women. I should probably see a therapist about that!!!

Hi Nonnie! Thank you for the lovely ask!

(Since I’m falling a bit behind on answering asks despite doing my best, with your permission, I’ll answer you and then two more Kristen asks in this post)

Yes, I fully agree. I was going to mention in this ask reply the lasagna scene as something that says that 911 obviously wants us to know they have not forgotten about Buddifer or are ignoring it, but I had so much to say, I ended up forgetting that bit, so thank you for adding it in! And you phrased it so well, too. Everything about that scene was very deliberate.

And yes, I’ve said it time and again, I can’t know that Buddie will go canon, I’m just out here, hoping for it and explaining why, based on the story as it’s been told so far, I can’t see another other satisfactory resolution for either Buck or Eddie (or for that matter, even Chris in terms of getting both of the people he sees at a certain point as his parents under one roof, as we’ve seen is his secret wish in 210).

As for Buck, I’ve always thought he oozed bi energy since 107 and his bonding with the gay vic. That was only reinforced along the way, and now we have stuff like Buck casually quoting gay anthems to Eddie like it’s nothing. I’m sorry, no matter who his partners end up being canonically by the time the show is over, there is no way that boy is straight. IDK if that helps you, but that is the one thing I will insist on. Queer Buck is real and deserves all the love.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! xoxox

You're so lovely, and I hope you're write about kr and 6b. In my opinion she's separating them cause she has no intention of doing buddie canon, but not to stop us from since she knows it's impossibile, but I think she's afraid of being accused of queerbaiting again from journalists. I mean she brought back Carla after 20 episodes to avoid buck being there, not to the dance, but just helping chris dress, and that scene with buck hen and denny? Like see he hangs out with all the 118 kids

Awwww, thank you so much for the kind words! You’re lovely, too! *hugs* As for Kristen... I don’t think she wants to stop us from shipping Buddie, she has stuff to gain from us shipping (Keeps the current viewership and gets a very active fandom that through online content is bringing in new viewers even during s6), and she can lose things if we stop shipping (she’s lose viewers, she’ll lose the active online fandom, and those fans who get frustrated and give up? They’ll accuse her of queerbaiting for sure). And yes, I do believe the 601 scene is a sign that’s not the direction Kristen means to follow. Am I right? We’ll get a better idea once 6b airs. Last season, 5b made it clear that the distance in 5a was not meant to tear Buddie apart, so I tend to believe that’s what we’ll have this year, too. But if s6 wraps up without Buddie coming back together, then I guess we’ll have an answer (not necessarily a definitive one. I've said before that you can’t judge a show on the issue of queerbaiting until it’s off the air, ‘coz as long as it’s on, the execs can always choose to change direction and make the same sex ship happen. This would be especially true in the case of 911, if Tim decides to step back in and change the course Kristen set).

I hope this helps? Sending hugs! xoxox

Hey! So I know you talked about this thing a lot but there's something that I don't understand about what kristen said about exploring other dynamics. What I don't understand is that yes we had some more hen/buck and chim/eddie scenes, but the only dynamic that was pratically absent from 6a was just buddie, we still got some hen/chim scenes. And while i get don't make them talk about the donor for now, I think they could still make some space for some buddie scenes, what do you think?

Hi Nonnie! You’re right, we did get some Hen & Chim. But TBH, Hen & Buck isn’t that new either, we just got a bit more of it than in previous seasons. Neither is Eddie & Carla that new. Carla was used in the past as well when they needed some stuff to happen away from Buck, like in 312 when it absolutely could NOT be Buck there when Eddie first meets Ana or you know our moron Diaz boy wouldn’t have even looked at her. And Carla was also used in 510, so that when Eddie announces he’s leaving, it came as a shock to Buck. None of that kept Buddie from being intense and domestic and there for each other in the long run. And the Chim & Eddie stuff we got this season was hardly substantial. It’s not like it feels as if these two are suddenly each other’s new besties. I think Kristen does wanna keep Buddie apart for a bit, and she uses other dynamics to solidify the sense of A TEAM, while also preparing us for Buddie coming back together in 6b. I could be wrong, of course, as I told the previous Nonnie! But that’s how the story telling so far this season feels to me. And I also wouldn’t take any interviews too seriously. Cast and show runners alike, when they do PR for their show, they have one job: to get you to keep watching. So they will say whatever they think will do that. If Kristen doesn’t wanna reveal her real 6b plans, but she does want us to be patient and wait for Buddie’s return in 6b, and she thinks that will best be served by saying she’s just exploring new dynamics, then that’s what she’ll say, whether it’s accurate or not.

Again, I hope this helped! Have a great day, all of you! And as always, here's my ask tag. xoxox

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anxiouspineapple99 · 6 months

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Definitely ship you with Hunter. The parental vibes. The sweetness you'd bring each other, falling asleep on the couch after the kids go to bed. Him wearing cotton blend shorts covered in pineapples. Soft kisses and passionate times. And carpooling. He'd be all for all of it.

AHHH thank you nonnie!! 😍😍 also sorry it took me so long to answer this. Honestly I’m pretty bad at asks still LOL.

“Him wearing cotton blend shorts covered in pineapples.”

STAHHP I LOVE.

Domestic Hunter is everything 😍😍 and I have a peewee pineapple (you may or may not know that) and we know he does adoptive dad so well! (Tbf all the clones do.)

Thank you so much!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

#you asked #and the pineapple answered #you shipped me #and i love it

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autumn-foxfire · 2 years

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I’m thinking of doing something a bit RWBY-like in naming the RGB kids, where Kanto around 70 years back in the First Poke War renamed their cities after colors and gave them peaceful mottos, with each city specializing. Pewter is the center of research into fossil fuels, and it’s pretty close to Indigo Plateau. So I imagine some funding comes from them, and might be where Lance got his Aerodactyl fossil. First dibs on excavation. Medicine from Celadon is sold all over the region.

(+) Vermillion has a good chunk of stuff going on, with ships carrying rich tourists, a fishing industry, developing the region’s uh lightbulb, electricity sources? Stalls set up along the sidewalk before reaching the docks, a tour guide for the best places to see sunsets, bringing in revenue for the region, center of commerce. Saffron is, oh boy. It’s THE biggest city, with Silph. I’m gonna be hiding some corruption in there. Gotta set up failed alliances with Rockets somewhere right? (+) And maybe Chuck, from Cianwood used to be part of the Fighting Dojo there. Cerulean, I’m love. It’s based off Venice and I found some old canon art of Misty’s kitchen and dining room table, real fancy stuff. And there’s water canals??? Gorgeous, flowers too. We’ll be coming back here a lot, good source of friends, arguably the best city to live in. Cleanest water, good sources of energy (hydro + fossil fuels, being close to Pewter) and enough gold nuggets for the city to afford medicine. (+) I think they could make some too, the quality of the earth just seems clean enough for it. Air too lol. Lavender has this saying, “There are no children in Lavender Town” said by people passing through there because they have a majority elderly population. It’s bordered by mountains so there’s always some kind of smog-ish fog over the city, giving it a gloomy ghostly feel. Not really the best place for kids to grow up, but there are few. (+) Once in awhile, merchants come through carrying items the townsfolk can buy, that’s what they really wait for. People don’t travel out much, with the danger of wild Pokemon and Snorlax blocking the route down by the water. It’s always cold here, with the chill by the sea + mountains. The 2nd Poke War happened about 15~20 years ago, kids are named after colors because of the old Kanto Tradition, a reminder of the first war and the recovery the region had to go through I guess? Thinking on it. (+) Can’t copy RWBY 100% because the world is gloomy and colorless and “grimm” unless if I work it out with the dangers of wild mons + Rocket motives (starting as a way to help the region as Rocket Industries?) RGB could be nicknames OR their real given names with normal names being their middle name? Other way around? Self-given trainer names/ID for privacy in the risky endeavors of Pokémon training in this struggling society, nuzlocke-ish dark au? We shall see.

Sorry for the late reply, nonnie.

It sounds like you've got the start of a peculiar and interesting AU on your hands. I love the combination of two different worlds in ways that are unique so I can't wait to see what you do with this idea. Please keep me updated, I'd love to continue to hear more.

#personal #rwbypoke anon #because I'd like to keep track of this #thanks for the ask!!

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inevitably-johnlocked · 3 years

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Hi!

I'm here for a pretty stupid thing actually but I've always found it annoying to do: summaries for fics. I never know how much is too little, how much is too much, or if what I'm putting is going to make people think “wow this sounds interesting” or “wow what a shit, keep scrolling”

Do you think it is better to make a summary as such, or include some lines from the story? Idk, any advice would be appreciated

Thanks for taking your time to read!

Hugss🥰

Hey Nonny!! *HUGS*

Ah, the bane of all writers... the blasted summary to describe your story in as little words as possible to get people interested. The LITERAL very last thing you have to do on a story. Always a fun time.

And it's daunting and can feel very overwhelming, because, just like in advertising (my professional background), you have a TINY window to grasp people's attention and make them WANT to click on your fic to read. As an avid reader of fanfic, I do have my own preferences on what I look for... but as a professional, I think I can offer some wisdom in this part here, for a change. PLEASE KNOW that this is different for EVERYONE! These are just some things I picked up in my 20 years in advertising, and applying it to – what is essentially – a "classifieds" board for stories.

Attention-Grabbing Title – Not PERTINENT, but the average reader is more likely to continue reading what you have to offer if your headline is interesting. Even one word ones can grab attention. Something whimsical or metaphorical to your story is always a winner.

Short and Concise Description / Call to Action – One to two sentences is an average attention span before someone gets bored and moves on to the next post. You need to entice someone into reading MORE of your summary in those first two sentences, if you have a long summary. Start your summary with the subject of the story. ie. "John has a problem: he's well hung." That example right there will entice someone to read your summary further.

Grammar Check your Summary – BECAUSE the summary is a representation of what's to come in your story, make sure you get that summary spell-checked or beta'd with your beta. It's a small thing, but it can help bring people in, and especially if you're trying to appeal to a language that you're unfamiliar with. Your beta can even help you refine the summary so it's more attention-grabbing.

Rate Your Story – "Not Rated" stories have a lesser chance of being read than something rated. Doesn't matter what it is, just put a rating there. At least, if people are doing a ratings filter, then you will show up in a search result.

If You're Writing a WiP, State the status of your story at the end of your summary. Many people such as myself don't want to start a WiP without the certainty that it will be done. Stating something like "Story is finished, new chapter every Friday" is a GREAT way to get engagement on your story, AND generate excitement and buzz for it from the day-oners. THEY are your advertisers. A LOT of people like the suspense of a week-to-week model... it's why syndicated television is still alive! A lot of our Fandom authors do their stories this way, working on chapters weeks in advance while posting chapters "approved". It gives YOU time to write and proof, while also having a Live / Active WiP Story that will keep people coming back.

So yeah, those are some tips from an advertising standpoint.

As a reader, though, my PERSONAL interest in a fic is based solely on these 4 things:

The Ship Tags – use "/" (slash for Slash-fiction) for romantic and sexual relationships, and "&" for platonic/friendships or non-sexual relationships. I, for a fact, DO filter stories by the ship tags FIRST, so I'm sure other people do too. Make sure that you use them.

The Story Tags – Ao3 has spoiled us with these!... List relevant tags, tropes, Universes, and genres that pertain to your story... these are what help get your story found in the search algorithm. Don't write "tumblr-style tags" (ie. "this story took way too long") into this field. It is a big turn off for many people (myself included), AND it fucks with the Ao3 search results. Use author notes or descriptions to write your Tumblr-style musings! The tags should ONLY contain content within your story that may appeal to people OR help trigger/content warn against stuff. Yes, I understand that many authors poo-poo on "spoilers in tags", but in all the years I have been reccing fics, I have NEVER ONCE been told that people don't like how meticulous I tag everything I rec. A LOT of people will use those tags to filter OUT stuff that they personally can't read or don't like. Apart from the summary, the Tags are VERY important, AND it can help you come up with a more interesting and short summary that doesn't need to be descriptive. Use the suggested tags that Ao3 offers when you start typing – these are tags, I believe, that have been used frequently on the site.

The Summary – I KNOW it is legit the worst thing to have to come up with, but your story has a higher chance of being read if you stick to writing a concise summary as I've pointed out above. Some people also may choose to use an interesting blurb from their stories as a preview, which some DON'T like, but it's honestly better than nothing. I know for a fact that I have skipped over stories that don't have SOMETHING in the summary box NOR any tags. I know this isn't what you want to hear, Lovely, but put something here, even if it's just "A literal fuck-tonne of porn without plot" (I give authors permission to steal that pun, LOL).

WiP or Not – This is one of those "gamble" things. As I mentioned above, some authors do a week-to-week advanced model for their story chapters, while others "post each chapter when done". The latter tends to wind up with stories in limbo. PERSONALLY, I don't read WiP's for the simple fact that I get confused REALLY easily on plot lines when I do – I like reading one whole story in one go. But PLEASE don't take this as the golden end-all/be-all. This is a personal preference, since I read a LOT of fics and I have very little time these days to do it. Some people love WiPs. A good way to indicate that you have a story plotted out, but is NOT a week-to-week model? Add the Chapter count, rather than leaving it as "?". People are more likely to follow your WiP WITH a chapter count, since it gives the illusion that you have a rough draft written out and you know how long it will be.

So yeah! I hope this helped you out a bit, Nonny. Sorry it's so long, but I thought with how long I've been reading fics and with how picky I am with fics, these tips would be helpful for you. Again, at the end of the day, it's ALWAYS up to personal preferences of the readers. And don't take it personally if you can't "get an audience" right away. Just be yourself, write because you LOVE writing, and you will have a fruitful and enjoyable time publishing your story!

If any experienced authors in the fandom want to add their two cents from a WRITER'S perspective, please do! <3

#steph replies #my advice #writing advice #ao3 #archive of our own #my thoughts

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zayeaw · 2 years

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hi pepper!! congrats on 123 followers🎉

wanted to see if i could jump in here early enough to snag a slot for your milestone event and get a ship with a male character from aot :) i apologize for the length of this but if it’s vivid you want it’s vivid you get i’m so sorry lmao feel free to skip this if it’s too long

physically speaking: i’m super short for my age (155cm at 22) and rather skinny, sort of an athletic/somewhat muscular build, with disproportionately large breasts. blonde hair, long, a bit layered. round face, round blue eyes, very high-set cheekbones and plump cheeks that sort of make me look a bit chipmunk-ish when i smile.

in terms of style/aesthetic, i’m definitely more of a dressed-down person, but i wouldn’t really assign myself to a “core,” if that makes sense, lol. i like sweats and hoodies, wearing my hair down, not a huge fan of fancy accessories or thick makeup. if i’m out in public, i’m usually in skinny jeans with a bit of a nicer sweatshirt (but it is always a sweatshirt, as i get cold really easily). i’m more of a basic sneaker person when it comes to shoes but a lot of the times you’ll just see me scurrying around in fuzzy slippers (or full fluffy pajama sets) when i’m roaming around the house. it’s cozycore. i made it up just now but that’s what it is.

as far as interests go, my music taste basically consists of hard rock, lofi, and soft ballads with pretty much no in-between. one second you’ll see me head-banging to a playlist and five minutes later i’ll be face down sobbing in my feels. i’m also very artistic, really into singing, writing, and general music production. i also shamelessly play video games on my switch every moment i’m not at work—been really into hollow knight lately.

and for tropes? relationships? i live for tooth-rotting fluff by day and kinky nasty time by night. i’m a sucker for those slow burn stories, people who fall for each other without really realizing it, people who push the boundaries of friends 24/7 because they’re just so comfortable with each other on a physical and emotional level. like friends to lovers but instead of friends becoming lovers they’ve just been lovers the whole time and are only now discovering what love really means. i’m here for the soft doms and service tops, the praises, the nights where every touch is filled with passion and just pure adoration. where the line between physical and emotional intimacy is blurred to the point that it’s indistinguishable.

three cheers if you made it to the end without taking a bathroom break😭 i don’t want to just end it here so in conclusion, congrats again on such a huge milestone in only a few weeks!! i adore your work and i really hope you get the chance to share that with even more people in the coming months. cheers💕

hello nonnie! thank youu for participating in my milestone event! Ahh you must be so pretty irl ! Thank you being patient with me and for supporting me<3

Dw ab the lenght i lovee reading long asks hehe, you gave me some entertainment during my integetrarion classes, oh and the way you described your favorite trope is so good! I loved it, you must be one heck of a writer yourself!

PEPPER'S MILESTONE EVENT🪄

I ship you withh..

JEAN KIRSCTEIN!

Jean absolutely adores the fact that you're half his size, his heart beats out of his chest when he sees you struggling trying to get something out of the top shelf of your kitchen cabinet. He dosen't help you just yet though, he makes sure you turn around and give him puppy eyes before he lifts you up to get what you wanted.

He loves your long hair, whenever he's stressed he just has to cuddle in bed with you,running his fingers in your hair and feel your soft breath on him,there is no better heaven for him than you.

He wants your chest as a pillow at night. Its not a want its a need, whenever you both have a fight ,reason of fight: he ate the left over food you had been thinking of eating the entire dwy, you send him to the couch to sleep and about at 3 a.m when he knows your asleep he comes and cuddles with you. Not like u dont love it🥴

you just wear his clothes lol. Like his closet his yours. Wanna go for grocery? Just grab his sweatshirt and pants. He acts annoyed but loves it when he sees you in his clothing. It makes him feel like you are actually his. however he enjoys watching you prancing around like a bunny in your short shorts and fluffy slippers, makes him wanna pin you down and fuck you into oblivion then and there. Smirk at him while you're wearing that? Yeah then he is going to do it.

Also he lovess going shoe shopping with you, you both even have matching pairs,its so adorable really.

You're play video games?hell yeah. What more could he ask for in a girlfriend. He always knew you played stuff but the first time he saw you getting mad when your teammate fucked up, you were ready to throw hands,spitting out all the cuss words you knew and he went "😍"

You both go for daily night drives, blasting the same music everyday, singing along with it, and thr drives usually more or less end with a hot makeout session in the backseat.

You both were always more than lovers,always more than friends,maybe that is what a soulmate is. You make him feel complete, you are the reason he wants to wake up everyday,you are the reason he wants to work hard so that you both can live a comfortable life.

You are the one who made him wanna have a family. You were always the reason for him, even when you were kids, you teasing him is what he lives for. You breaking eye contact and cheeks blushing when he leans in to kiss you is the reason he contempt with everything in life.

Holding your hand when you both walk in the cold,pushing you amongst his side so that you remain warm, watching you drool in your sleep,seeing you so concentrated when you arr working, yeah, he had nothing in life to complain about.

#pepper reaches a milestone<3 #pepper reaches a 100+!!#jean x reader #jean krischtein #jean kirschtein fluff #jean kirschtein x reader #aot headcanons #jean headcanons #attack on titan #jean kirschtein scenarios #jean kirschtein fanfiction

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greensaplinggrace · 3 years

Note

I feel like you are the only person on here that likes the Darkling AND Mal (also Darklina and Malina) and is respectful about it. I love them both and have been trying to find more people that do too. so I was wondering if you knew any accounts that like them both? thx! ❤️

Hi nonny! I really appreciate this ask, and I tried to find some blogs that fit the criteria. Unfortunately, the SaB fandom is pretty divided, and finding people more accepting of both sides is pretty difficult. I was actually going to make a post myself asking for blogs to follow that ship both or that treat both characters well because I’ve run into much the same problem. Currently, I’m actually following a lot of anti blogs that post content for their preferred ships/characters, and I just have the anti tags blacklisted. It’s still kind of depressing to see that kind of stuff pop up so much even when it’s blacklisted, but it’s manageable. Anybody who doesn’t tag their anti shit immediately gets blocked because they’re assholes, so I end up at least following people who are respectful of others in the fandom, which is good enough for me in the end.

I’m also not too sure if you want blogs that are neutral, blogs that post both, blogs that defend Aleksander but still like Mal, or something else. In general, any big gif-making blog is going to be a good bet, as they’re oftentimes more invested in simply creating content than creating anti content. Anything else and it gets slightly complicated, but here are some blogs I could find.

@inejz-ghafa is an amazing gifmaker for anything to do with sab

@eivor-basim is a mindblowing darklina gifmaker

@jesperfahxey has made stellar gifs for many of the characters, all of which I love, and actively reblogs Malina and other sab content

@kazbrekkor is a phenomenal editor and gifmaker who posts and reblogs tons for every character, including a lot for Malina and Darklina

@peraltastarkov reblogs for every character and is super respectful, very nice, and her sab edits are stunning

@cherylblossom, whose gifs are to die for, especially her Malina ones, and who reblogs tons of Darklina stuff as well

@dearemma‘s Darklina gifs own my entire soul, no lie

@flaythleann is a splendid Darklina writer and they reblog great content for all of the characters

@finnismyoriginalsin is a multifandom blog that reblogs a lot of Darkling and Darklina content

@crow-summoner is great too. they reblog tons of Crows content as well as Darklina content and they’re very cool about Mal

@mal-zoya is such a good ot3 blog for Malarklina!! and they’re a super fan of Mal, so there’s tons of content for him as well as Malina

@rey-of-luke, who also ships the ot3 and who posts about Malina and Darklina!

@sanktyastag has the funniest tags in the world and ships both Malarklina and Darklina. they also make these brilliant quote edits that will absolutely blow you away

@sturmmhond is another amazing blog that loves them both and has some spectacular posts about all of the characters on their blog

@brightburner, mostly Darklina but also Malina, very awesome, one of my favorite sab blogs

@strawberrieswing is an all Mal blog, but she’s super respectful, super fun, and her edits are absolutely amazing

That’s all I can think of off the top of my head! Sorry if it’s not enough or not what you’re looking for. I really understand where you’re coming from lol, so I hope I helped out at least a bit. The blogs above are at least respectful of what they don't actively post about, and I like them all quite a bit! To be honest there are probably more that I know of too but just can't think of at the moment, so I'll probably reblog this with another list when I have the time.

I’ll also use this post to shoutout though, anybody who likes both Mal and Aleksander and even ships both Malina and Darklina, PLEASE RESPOND and I will absolutely follow. I’ve legitimately been scouring the fandom for blogs that aren’t full of anti stuff lol.

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butwhatifidothis · 3 years

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While I understand why nilsh keeps anon off, I hope this gets to him. Capn’ straight up lied about VW’s ending, so of course he botched the meaning. Capn’ wrote that Byleth picks up Claude, symbolizing Byleth supporting Claude. Except that Claude stood up on his own and met Byleth halfway. The two shake hands as equals.

@nilsh13, if you're interested lol

Nonnie's referring to this part of the whole "isn't it so emotionally resonant when you slaughtered a grieving woman with her mother's mutilated remains with the racist warmonger who wanted said woman and all her remaining family dead" post:

Now-look at the body language and role Byleth plays in all other route endings. Byleth is there to provide Dimitri emotional support, pick up Claude, and cradle Rhea. Byleth is valuable to these characters, but ultimately he/she is the “Enlightened One” who supports their goals and makes them possible. Here, it is Edelgard who physically supports Byleth. The relationship between them is one of mutual support, where Edelgard allowed Byleth to express his/her individuality for the first time, and Byleth’s trust allows Edelgard to be vulnerable and express her best qualities.

Now this... this is some ass. Pay attention Claude/Ieth shippers, I'm bout to dig into my roots and explain why (I personally think) Claude's relationship with Byleth is the best of the three lords.

As nonnie said, Byleth does not pick up Claude; Claude picks himself up and shakes the outreached hand of Byleth, both of them muddied up from the fight against Nemesis, standing as equals. Byleth and Claude have just finished teaming up against and successfully taking down the greatest threat of all of Fodlan and the root cause of everything that went wrong in Fodlan's history. They both stand together as the new dawn of Fodlan lights up their mutually smiling faces.

It's. Right fuckin' there. The datamine might not have the sound but like. You don't need it. You can see it. Even if the datamine booted out the subtitles, you can very clearly see everything I just described objectively happen. There's no room for subtext or differing interpretations. Claude doesn't need Byleth's help in getting up. You. See. It. Happen. At the very best, one can say that Cap'n just forgot, but it genuinely looks like he's straight up lying about how the ending happened.

But you know what, fuck it, imma go even further than that. Byleth and Edelgard's relationship is one of mutual support? Tell me, is that why Byleth lets Claude read Jeralt's diary? Is that why Byleth tells Claude - and no one else outside of the Lettuce Fam and Jeralt - about Sothis living in their head, in pre ts no less? Is that why Byleth is mentioned being more expressive by Claude post ts? Is that why Claude can tell Byleth is telling the truth - can know what their "lying face" is - in their reunion scene? Is that why Byleth is smiling about the war being done with Claude? Is that why Byleth feels comfortable poking fun at Claude, and why Claude doesn't mind it when/if they do? Because it's Byleth and Edelgard that are uniquely mutually supportive of each other?

Byleth being with Claude is one of the exceedingly rare times Byleth almost feels like an actual character, because they actively engage with the character they're with when it's Claude. They share personal details about themselves the same as Claude shares personal details about himself, they joke with each other, Byleth's expressiveness is notably heightened with Claude and Claude is said to genuinely smile when around Byleth, all in a way that doesn't make it feel as though they need each other to be able to do this; they just click pretty well naturally. It's one of Byleth's more genuine relationships just because there's little to no real player pandering nor are characters killed off to make room for Byleth.

And also, "Byleth is valuable to these characters, but ultimately he/she is the “Enlightened One” who supports their goals and makes them possible," how is that any different with Edelgard? She literally never wins if Byleth doesn't side with her, same as the others (barring Claude and Rhea in AM).

And gotta laugh at "allows Byleth to express their individuality," is that why she gets mad just about every time Byleth hypothetically disagrees with her? Why something as innocuous as not thinking the Black Eagle Strike Force is a good name makes you full on lose support points with her? Why she pulls rank on Byleth when they try to poke fun at her? Why they're described as "detached" by Edelgard, and why she can't tell if they have emotions? Why she can't tell if Byleth is telling her the truth in their reunion scene? Why the last image of CF is Byleth's dull, dead stare? Because individuality is something Edelgard invokes in Byleth so much?

Like, I'm sorry, but if you have straight up lie about one of the endings to try and make your shit ship look better, you're already off to a horrible start. Factoring in how much more mutually healthy a relationship Byleth has with Claude than with Edelgard on top of that? Cap'n had no chance lmao, it's no wonder he makes shit up about VW's ending and leaves out Edelgard needing Byleth to "support her goals and make them possible"

#ask #anon #o captain my captain #anti edelgard #anti-edelgard #edelgard discourse #edelgard critical #just to be safe #Sorry Dimi/Ieth but I can never get over the fact that Dimitri's already existing support system is ignored/killed off in favor of Byleth #like is Byleth were anyone else but the player character I probably wouldn't mind but omg #*if #ANYWAY yeah Claude's relationship with Byleth is waaaaay more mutually supportive than Edelgard's lmao #like by a country mile #what is WITH Cap'n gettin' small things wrong in order to make Edelgard look better?? like how do you fuck this up it's RIGHT THERE #sorry to also kinda dunk on Dimi/Ieth it's a fine ship I just don't like it that much personally lol

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propshophannah · 3 years

Note

umm i think ppl are over reacting,, az was not being toxic or possesive, he's been pining for elain for 3 years and he now knows she feels the same way for him,, and to the ppl that said that him being turned on was creepy,, wait till we see elains pov bc im pretty sure she was thinking the same. pls it's okay to not like scenes and characters and ships but cmon,, some eluciens are butchering him

Hi Nonnie! I heard that the fandom was getting crazy so I’ve been avoiding looking at posts and stuff. If Az came off creepy it wasn’t because he was turned on. LMFAO. Elain was turned on, too. SHE ALSO INITIATED THE ENTIRE SCENE! We don’t even need her POV to tell us what she wanted either—Maas straight up tells us this in that scene. LOL to everyone who skipped that part and those lines. I mean… it wasn’t even subtext. It was literally written on the page. (I’m writing an analysis of that scene, stay tuned!)

If he came off creepy, it was because he articulated a sense in entitlement—which given the situation wasn’t entirely out of line! Sorry, it just wasn’t.

And here’s why: We’ve all had moments where we are so fucking mad—and everything around us seemed to be going in everyone else’s favor BUT ours—so we got angry. And vengeful. And we got a little lost in those feelings, some of us drowned in them, and we did things and said things and we came off like a fucking asshole. FACTS.

If some people think that’s never happened to them, then they’re either lying to themselves or not paying attention to themselves. It’s as simple as that, Nonnie.

We all do dumb, potentially toxic things when we’re mad or upset. That’s the law of the land and not one single person in the fandom, or the world, is above that. Not. One.

And LETS. BE. REAL. Elain is NOT above reproach for the role she *actively* plays in this cluster fuck. She is just as guilty of stringing Lucien and Az along in that she hasn’t made a decision on whether to accept or reject the mating bond. Or in just saying “Look, Lucy, babe, I don’t like this. It’s stressing me out. Please leave me alone for the next 2.5 years or until I say ‘when’ before you come around again. Thanks!” She doesn’t even need to say it to Lucien. THAT’S THE KICKER. She could tell Feyre. Tell one of the Shadows to tell Feyre or Rhys or Mor and Nesta OR ANYONE with the power to say “Hey, we can’t invite Lucy to Solstice because Elain doesn’t want it.” This is a situation where getting other people to play the bad guy for you, is 100% socially acceptable.

Hell, LUCIEN could be the one to initiate this. To pick up on what Elain IS NOT THROWING OUT and say, “Hey, Rhys, babe. Thanks for the Solstice invite, but I don’t think Elain appreciates my presence, and I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. How about I send you her gift from me, then I, like, check in every now and then and you can find a way to let her know I’m in town and if you invite me to dinner, I’ll take that as a sign that she’s okay with me being there for dinner and nothing more. No expectations.” It’s not hard.

(We could argue that Lucien continuing to come around IS JUST AS WEIRD/CREEPY. READ THE ROOM DUDE.)

Now I WILL say that there is an argument to be made that Elain *may* not grasp the gravity of a mating bond because she was born in a different culture. That’s totally fair. BUT she’s had plenty of time to learn what that means having spent so much time around Feyre and Rhys and the others.

So the idea that Azriel is the only one who deserves to be vilified is nonsensical.

ALSO, and this is something I will be including in the analysis I’m working on and will hopefully finish tomorrow (I’m going to break that Az POV down so that everyone and their third cousin, twice removed, can understand), is that AZRIEL’S WHOLE SHTICK IS WAITING. He looooves to wait. Fucking LOVES it. It’s his whole job y’all. It’s weird, and related to his daddy issues when you apply it to females, but it’s his life. He LITERALLY tells us this in ACOSF. Remember at the end when Cassian is complaining about how he HATES spying because he has no patience?

Az is like “It seems you’ve forgotten how much of spying is waiting for the right moment. People don’t engage in their evil deeds when it’s convenient to you.”

Cassian explains why he stopped spying because it “...bored him to death. I don’t know how you put up with this all the time.”

Az says, “It suits me.”

BOOM.

MF BOOOOOM.

Az likes to play the long game. Not saying it’s healthy, but that suits him. He’s good at waiting. He HAD TO BE. HE WAS LOCKED AWAY FOR YEARS AND HAD TO WAIT FOR THE CHANCE TO SEE HIS MOTHER. And the sun. And his hateful brothers. He doesn’t know any better/how else to be. And there is a lot of trauma and conflicting feelings tangled in this.

It’s only creepy when you fail to grasp the nuance. But if you stand too close to a painting, you can’t see the whole thing. Back up, people. Back up.

Az has spent his whole life waiting. It’s how he learned to be. And now that his brothers are all happily mated he’s looking back on all his waiting—on his entire life—and he’s having a crisis. Or a crisis is looming. What has his waiting gotten him? Why has his patience not been rewarded? Why not him?

You combine that thinking with anger and you’ve got a recipe for momentary entitlement. For rage so thick and consuming that you want to punch a wall and work yourself to death because at least when you’re working you can compartmentalize and not deal with the reality that YOUR ENTIRE LIFE MODEL hasn’t worked for you. That you got left behind somewhere and it was your fault.

Az is headed for a mid-life crisis or an emotional breakdown—or some big horrific moment where he realizes he can’t keep doing what he’s been doing, that his entire world is built on a foundation that’s crumbling. And if you’ve never ever had that happen to you, then I’m jealous. And I’m happy for you. Because it’s terrifying. Bloody awful fucking terrifying.

#ACOSF spoilers #acosf spoiler #mini Az Analysis #az POV chapter analysis #Azriel POV analysis #elain x Az #Elain X lucien #Elriel #they're all to blame to some extent #lucien is not innocent here #neither is elain #analysis post

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sukiglycerin · 4 years

Text

it’s too cold outside for angels to fly || katsuki bakugou.

* pairing: pro-hero!katsuki bakugou x angel quirk!reader (gender neutral!)

* genre: fluff, angst, actually sfw (wow, luna's can do that?!)

* words: 8.1k (it’s a big baby!)

* warnings: mentions of trauma, reader is insecure but it's not their entire personality, therapy (not a lot of scenes with it), slight intoxication, mentions of throwing up (not much), like one suggestive joke, (light) cussing because bakugou

* original request: All I’m saying is reader with a angel quirk and the reader even has wings AND ANGST (but happy at the end 🥺) WITH BAKUGOU sounds so good 😔 but of course if you don’t want to do that it’s fine no pressure 💕

* a/n: hi 'nonnie! i hope you like you like this! honestly, it turned out longer than i expected (twice the length lol) but i'm proud of this baby. i'd like to note that enko, the nickname bakugou calls reader means 'halo' in japanese and can double down as a name, and an important reminder not to take any advice from the therapy in this fic. i am not a professional therapist, and please seek advice for situations specific to yours. the name of the fic is inspired by a lyric from ed sheeran's 'a-team,' but i promise it's not that dark. thanks so much to @toishi and the amazing feedback from @dylanxmin for beta-reading this! hope you enjoy!

* synopsis: you were your parents' perfect angel. you listened, and you followed. you didn't become a pro-hero, you stayed inside per your parents' request. it was okay if you couldn't fly; or, at least it was, before katsuki bakugou came along...

your grandmother loved pastries. that’s why you were here, trekking through the cold city in the tokyo winter. you shivered everytime your feathers came in contact with the frigid air, as if they, too, cowered under the looming shadows of tall buildings and bright lights.

so many people roamed the sidewalks, yet any bodily warmth was gone. you regretted not buying a cover for your wings - surely, it'd be an investment despite the price. wing covers were rarely manufactured for your size in japan, mainly aimed for small children just developing a quirk. the extra cloth needed for adult wing covers as well as shipping costs jacked up the price, making you hesitant to buy them. your wings were folded against the outside of your coat (putting them inside gave you cramps), nuzzling against your back subconsciously for heat. your wings were a pale cream colour, slightly more vibrantly mustard-coloured at the tips, and were the most visible part of your quirk.

according to the doctor, your quirk was "angel," but it felt nothing more than a pet name. there was a time in your life that you adorned a halo, but it no longer hovered above you when you looked up now. you weren't granted much power with your quirk; you were barely able to fly with your wings, but maybe you had a stronger moral compass than others? the wings, at this point in your life, were just accessories, as useless as the appendix. they could only cause you pain. you walked mindlessly toward the bakery, snow flurries dotting your hair. the bakery was a rundown, easy to miss place; you would've missed it if you hadn't gone there so many times. the faded yellow paint on the exterior was peeling, the poster on the window ripped and advertising for summer deals from years back. it had only a word-of-mouth reputation to rely on.

there was a worn sticker on the door, right at eye level, which said the name of the bakery in loopy letters: 'the flour road.'

you swung the door open with a jingle, greeted by the scent of baking bread and warmth. the bakery was your grandmother's favorite, specializing in rice cakes and dorayaki. she loved the pastries, for some reason - the baklava especially. she sent you on an errand to buy her some, giving you extra money to buy your personal favorite of dorayaki. to be exact, she pushed the money into your hands and forced you to buy a dorayaki for yourself. it was still warm when the cashier handed you your boxes, which you gingerly put in the bag.

you took a deep breath, bracing yourself for the cold, before you opened the door and found yourself back in the cold winter.

a hand roughly pulled you into an alley, and you found yourself face to face with a masked figure.

"give me your money." the figure pointed to your purse, tugging it.

"i don't- i don't-" you reach to take off your purse, not questioning it. there was simply nothing you could do; besides, the voice was young enough. what if they were simply going through a rough time in life? that was no cause to-

"OI, DUMBASS, WHADDAYA THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" a spiky haired man appeared suddenly, wearing what appeared to be melons on his arms. you suddenly recognized his getup of black, orange, and green; he was a pro-hero. what was his name? zero gravity? zero gr...ass?

"LADY, MOVE ASIDE." he looked you over. "FLY, OR SOMETHING."

"i can't-" but he was already after the thief. it took him less than 30 seconds to capture the thief; he was fast by himself, but was faster when propelled by his explosions.

"well, why are you here still?" he turned to you, the figure from before slung over his shoulder.

"i can't fly," you blurted.

he blinked. "then walk. besides, you literally have-" the figure moaned over his shoulder. "agh, nevermind, gotta take this douche to the police. go home."

the next you see of the explosive melon hero is at a supermarket. his arms are melonless this time, though, and you're not actually sure if he's the melon hero. you only recognize him by his hair and red eyes, but truthfully, it was probably not him. he was muttering something about "the spice not being spicy enough," and "stupid hair-for-brains nagging about the heat."

you felt a finger poke your wings. "hey miss, you have ugly wings." a stubby boy, no more than 5 or 6, looked up at you. smirking, he pushed his own smaller wings out, hands on his hips. "mine are teal-turquoise! yours are boring white."

"uh, okay-"

"mind your damn business, brat. where are your parents?" you could now confirm that the spiky haired man was indeed the melonhero by his voice and vulgarity. melonhero had turned to the kid, standing by your side.

the kid hmphed and walked away, to where his mother scolded him for straying from her.

"you again?" melonhero turned to you. "you really need to learn how to stand up for yourself."

"eh? i was handling it fine!"

"yeah, sure. what’s up with your wings, anyway?" he grunted. "can’t fly?"

"n-no. they're, uh, too weak." it was something hard to admit out loud for you. all winged people could fly, but you couldn't even hover, your wings just flapping up wind.

"too weak?! eh? is that even possible??" he poked one of your feathers. "they seem sturdy enough to me."

you turn your wings away from him, frowning. "it's not that easy. i-i never really had time to learn..."

"isn't that what all kids do in their free time, though? experiment with their quirk?"

"my parents thought it was useless..." you shuffled your feet awkwardly, eyes downcast.

"WORTHLESS?!" you flinched at his sudden volume. "it's your quirk, though, 'wings'?"

you rubbed the back of your neck. "well, not really... it's...." angel. the word echoed in your mind, under the spotlight on a stage. it stared at you in an empty auditorium. 'angel.' the word had negative connotations for you. to others, it was a sweet, innocent nickname, but to you, it meant more.

it represented the weight of your parents' expectations, the burden of your classes' assumptions. it became a ball and chain, reminding you of who you were, who you were supposed to be, and who you could never become. you were your parents' angel, your parents' little light. nothing else.

"'angel,' eh?"

"huh?" did melonhero suddenly manifest a mind-reading quirk? you look at him, but his gaze is above your head.

"halo."

"halo," you repeated, looking dumbly at the flickering ring above you.

"well then, enko, it's nice to meet you," he smirked.

"i'm not enko- i'm y/n-"

"enko’s better. i'm ground zero, the number one pro-"

"melonhero," you blurted.

"HUH?! what's that, moron?!"

"nothing, sorry, continue-" you apologized. what had gotten into you?

ground zero cleared his throat. "-number one pro-hero! ...it's katsuki bakugou to you."

"bakugou, i'm y/n l/n, nice to meet you! oh, and um- where are my manners? -thank you for the other day."

"don't go giving your purse to random men on the street, dumbass."

"it wasn't like that!" you protested. "i mean, what if he was going through a rough time? or, his parents kicked him out-"

"doesn't justify anything. you're so naive," he grunted. "didn't your parents teach you self-defense or anything?"

"w-well, no, not really..." you mumbled. you'd always just been their angel, delicate and thoughtful. you never wanted to disappoint them; always staying inside to clean or cater to their needs. their perfect angel. in their opinion, villains could never touch you if you never went out.

you recalled a time in your youth when deciding on a high school.

"i wanna go to ua!" you'd said. you knew a teacher willing to recommend you, so you didn't need to worry about much.

"honey, no, you can't be a hero..." your father started. "you're an angel, you're our angel, okay?"

your mom nodded. "it'll be dangerous, angel, and we can't have you getting hurt day after day," she added.

you simply agreed, not wanting to upset your parents. they were always right. being a hero wasn't worth it, anyway, you told yourself. it was an unstable job. you'd entered a private high school near the coast of japan, instead of ua.

"eh?! well, how are you supposed to fend for yourself alone?!" bakugou exclaimed.

"i'm... supposed to stay at home..." you confessed quietly.

"then why are you here?!"

"...i moved away from my family."

"and you didn't learn to protect yourself? get yourself some pepper spray, idiot!" bakugou grabbed your wrist, abruptly leading you to an aisle with pepper spray in it. he briefly paused, then picked one.

"it's on me. i can't have more morons like you to save when you could save yourself."

"thank you," you said. in all of his vulgarity, bakugou was semi-decent. you wondered why he was so on edge constantly; perhaps it was a trait from being a high-demand hero.

"HEY!" bakugou yelled, making you jump in place. "whatcha smilin' at?!"

you wiped the small grin that subconsciously crept on your face. "n-nothing."

"tch, so quiet, enko." he looked above you. "halo’s gone? fuckin' weird-ass quirk."

"could you... um... nevermind." you originally wanted to ask him to tone down the swearing, but thought better of it. the vulgarity reminded you of your uncle, and you a gagged at the thought of the disgusting man who'd occasionally crash at your family's home completely wasted.

"what? just spit it out," bakugou said. "i don't get offended, unlike deku or something."

"can you... cut down on the swearing?" you ask, then add more quickly when you see his face. "i mean, it's okay if you wanna keep doing it. i can't stop you. y'know, freedom of speech and everything."

"okay," he said with surprising composure. he didn't question the request, instead looking at you intently.

your gaze was set down, trying not to think of your uncle, and the horrors you'd gone through as a child because of him.

"i- um- sorry," bakugou forced out of himself. "i didn't mean t-"

"don't worry," you smiled cheerily. a fake smile, but you tried to convince yourself it was real.

"d'you-" he coughed, "d'you wanna talk about it?" he seemed to be going through something in his mind. "there's a park nearby - god, what did hitomi say? - we can, uh, talk it out? you can vent."

"oh no, it's fine, you're busy, a pro-hero." you said nervously.

"ah- yeah," bakugou seemed to be flustered too. "my therapist though- uh, she's really damn good- i mean, really good-" he pulls out a wallet from his pocket and sifts through cards. "here." he handed you a business card, advertising 'HITOMI YABUKI' in bold.

you blinked at him and accepted the card reluctantly. pro-heroes were really kind at heart, huh? "is she a pro-hero therapist?" you asked.

"her? no, she does other stuff. normal stuff, trauma, quirk stuff, erm- whatever you need. she's an all-rounder."

"oh." you put the card in your pocket. "okay, thank you."

he grunted, accepting the thanks. "need to buy anything else?"

you glanced at your cart. "no, that's all. thanks for everything, bakugou-"

"i'll pay," he blurted. "for it all." he looks surprised at himself, perhaps even angry. "oh, no thank you-"

"i'll do it. i mean it. you didn't even buy much," he muttered.

"o-okay," you said. he snatched your cart from your hand, walking to a self-checkout.

"weren't you gonna buy anything?" you asked.

"eh?!" he grunted while scanning items.

that was the end of the conversation. once he finished, he swiped his card and handed you a bag.

"make sure you use the damn pepper spray."

it was only once you got home that you realized he slipped his number into one of the bags.

you see bakugou again at hitomi yabuki's therapy lobby. he sat casually, earbuds on as he stared at his phone. you debated sitting next to him and decided against it, not wanting to bother him. you didn’t contact his number yet; your hands sweated at the thought. as much as you were tempted, you didn’t want to make a fool of yourself in front of a pro-hero.

you found yourself staring at the man, who was unusually calm at the moment. you stared at his eyelashes, his eyes, down to his nose and lips, and his firm set jaw. your eyes fell to the phone he’s clutching, to the curve of his fingers and uniform nails.

"l/n y/n?" a tall woman called your name. bakugou looked up at you, and for a split second you could see what looked like a genuine smile before it was twisted into a smirk.

"yes!" you stood up and followed her, glancing back at bakugou before he disappeared from your sight. after a short elevator ride, you walked out onto the third floor.

she led you down a short, carpeted hallway to the last door. it was an opaque glass door that said "hitomi yabuki" on a plaque.

"so, what brings you here?" she finally said once the two of you were seated. "um- bakugou?" you said.

she smiled and jotted something down. "is that so?"

"yeah. we met a couple times by accident, and uh, he gave me your business card."

the rest of the session was just introductions - prices, meeting times, and therapy that can be provided. still, you weren’t really sure if you needed the therapy - maybe it’d be suited more for someone else struggling more than you. you didn’t need to use your quirk much; flying wasn’t much your style anyway. what would your parents think if they found out you were taking therapy? they’d surely be hurt, assuming that they didn’t provide a good childhood to you. you could practically hear your mom asking you why you’d waste money on therapy. you took a deep breath as you re-entered the lobby. bakugou was seating in the same place you last saw him, still on his phone. you bid goodbye to the receptionist, thinking out your decisions. your insurance could cover much of the costs for the therapy, but you still wondered if you should spend the money. these thoughts trailed you as you waited on the sidewalk for a cab, watching your breath billow in front of you.

"hey, enko."

your elbow shot out by instinct, hitting the invader of your thoughts.

"woah, idiot, it’s just me." luckily, bakugou had caught your stray elbow, chuckling to himself. "so the angel does know self-defense, eh?"

you stiffened at the pet name, though you knew bakugou meant well. you could remember each distinctive voice in your childhood. your parents beckoning: angel. your nickname: angel. how everyone saw you: angel. you could never escape it, not with your halo or wings. it was so distinctive, your defining quality. whether he noticed the shift in your posture, he didn’t say. "how was it? hitomi’s great, right?"

you hummed in response, rubbing your wings together for heat.

"are wings supposed to get cold? aren’t they just... feathers?"

your wings ruffled at the comment. you sniffed. "they’re sensitive."

"weird," bakugou muttered under his breath. for a split second, you considered smacking him with your wing, but you stopped yourself before you could execute the instinct.

your cab pulled up by the sidewalk. "that’s my ride." you smiled and waved to him as you entered the car. somewhere during the 15 minute car ride, you mustered up the courage to finally text bakugou.

who knew he was so dirty-minded, anyway? you leaned back in your car seat, exhaling. thankfully, you didn’t text the wrong number or prematurely end the conversation. so, now you were friends with a pro-hero, or so you assumed (friends texted each other, right?). the you from 10 years ago would be jumping for joy at the prospect of befriending a pro-hero, and here you were. you finally booked a therapy session for saturday at 3pm. you checked into the lobby ten minutes early, just as your parents had taught you, and took a seat in the lobby.

when it was finally your turn, you found yourself back in hitomi's office, the familar scent of vanilla and fresh linen wafting in the air.

"i hope you don't mind the scent," she said.

you shook your head. "it's fine." the fragrance was almost reassuring in a way, but you couldn’t pin point it. this time, you allowed yourself to drink in your surroundings. hitomi’s office was spacious, a large window overlooking tokyo’s snow-covered cityscape adding onto the effect. the walls followed a vertical gradient pattern of mint green and light blue decorated with paintings, hanging plants, and wooden shelves yet not in a cluttered way. in the center, against a wall, was a white couch. it had an oddly calming aura to it, as if you'd stepped into a dream outside reality.

"would you like an apple? or some water?" hitomi offered.

you weren’t really in the mood for either, but accepted the water. she gestured for you to sit on the couch.

the meeting consisted of her asking and you answering, the topic changing from family life, to your quirk, to your feelings.

"so, can you explain your quirk to me?" hitomi asked.

"well..." you gathered your thoughts. "obviously, i have wings like an angel. they don’t really do anything, though, just get sensitive to the weather. i used to have a halo when i was young, but it’s faded by now. dunno why. let’s see...." you paused. "i guess i have an inclination to help others? it’s hard for me to say no to things, honestly."

"is it because of your quirk?"

"probably," you admitted. "i’ve always been like this, i think."

"can you fly with your wings?"

"no." you sipped your water. "i guess i never learned. i’d try, but i don’t think they can support my body weight."

"how do you feel about your quirk?"

you shrugged, but then regretted it. you didn’t want to seem insensitive to all the quirkless people who could only wish for a quirk. "it’s- it’s cool, i guess. it makes me unique..." you thought back to your parents’ words, how they’d praised you for such an amazing quirk. when you used to feel bad about your quirk, they’d always remind you that there were children who’d wish to even have a quirk at all, and that you were special. your mother’s quirk allowed her to shine small rays of light through her fingertips, while your dad’s quirk gave him a wing attached to his left arm. it was pretty much useless for anything other than generating wind, considering he didn’t have a right wing to balance him out. their quirks together worked out just right to create you, their perfect angel. hitomi jotted something on her notepad.

the more you thought of it, the more you felt broken. you'd been doing therapy with hitomi for months now, and it had gotten harder and harder to emotionally process. your parents, your family, your quirk; you now saw the things for what they were.

your parents had used you. you were their doll, their perfect obedient angel, and it disgusted you. your hands felt tainted, your wings heavy weights on your back. you were revolted by yourself; looking in the mirror, you couldn't help but gag, seeing not the you of now, but the you of the past looking back at you. you couldn't sleep; tossing and turning and ruffling your wings in frustration. you couldn't stop thinking about your parents, how they restricted you from everything.

you wondered how it'd be different if your parents were better. you wondered if you'd gotten into ua and strengthened your quirk. you wondered how your reputation as a pushover would change. maybe you'd be a hero right now, helping others instead of being so irreparably broken. you could hear the catcalls from your classmates like bullets beating your wings. angel, the goody-two-shoes who couldn't say no.

not once did you cry. maybe you felt too disgusted by yourself. maybe bakugou was becoming the best friend you'd ever had.

he was there for you. making spicy curry or those awful, equally spicy instant korean noodles - he was there for you, in the same way milk is there for you when eating a particularly spicy dish. he listened to you, and you did the same for him. you laughed and joked together. somehow, in such a dark time, your friendship bloomed. it was strange, really. his reputation as a hero made him out to be aggressive and careless - and while he could brash in word choice at times, you knew he had a good heart. at one point, you’d even opened up to him about your past.

"then deku just completely f- messed up the mission! i could’ve blown up the damn guy, but he had to play mr. goody-two-shoes and just tie him up. and he got all the interview time. what’s even up with that?!"

he talked about his friends a lot. he'd deny his relationship with them being something other than strictly professional, but the way his crimson eyes would deepen gave it all away. he mainly spoke of deku and red riot (though their names would be referenced in cruder ways).

"what if- what if i was a hero?" you asked suddenly.

bakugou lifted an eyebrow. "you'd be a damn good hero if you could manage your quirk. like hawks."

"you think the public would like me?"

"duh. you're pretty, kind, AND fight villains? pretty badass. hell, if i approve of you, anyone would."

you smiled.

"why, though?" bakugou asked.

"curious. i, um, used to want to be a hero. growing up."

"your quirk has potential." bakugou leaned back on the couch. "why didn't ya become one?"

"parents." you flinched as the word passed your lips. thinking about your parents was painful, as if you had to rip off a month old bandaid before you could even get their faces into your mind. "they just... worried," you said. you didn't say anything else.

"betcha couldn't come up with a hero name as damn awesome as ground zero." "i could barely remember it," you teased.

"though, i must say, i do like enko as a hero name. it's like i'm joining an idol group."

"akb48 has nothing on you though," bakugou said.

you flushed. "i-i don't think you've looked at them properly, then."

"nah, i have, ochaco's obsessed with idol groups. don't doubt me, enko~" his voice was dangerously close, but he hadn't moved an inch from his original spot. "you're prettier than all the idols combined. tch, how low do you think my standards are?!"

"they're idol groups, bakugou, they practically rely on visuals!"

"eh? who cares? you've beaten them in looks and personality."

the thing about bakugou was that he was always completely honest with his thoughts. his integrity always amazed you, but then again, he was a pro-hero. you were quick to change the subject. "um- then-- what time is it? it must be getting late. i should get home-"

bakugou frowned. "it's late, idiot. eat before you go. i have some leftover tonkatsu and rice, and i can whip up the miso-"

"n-no, it's fine bakugou, you don't need to-"

"idiot, i can't have you starve to damn death on the ride home. eat."

even if you wanted to protest, you couldn't. bakugou's cooking was always to good to pass up, alarmingly spicy or not.

"the rice is still warm in the rice cooker," bakugou finally said, turning towards the kitchen. he knew you'd follow him, and you did.

bakugou busied himself making some instant miso soup and reheating the tonkatsu. you prepared yourself for the spicy of bakugou's tonkatsu; you'd had it once before, and it was quite painful. finally done, bakugou sat to the side of you eating tonkatsu as well, seasoning his with extra chili flakes. he was positively crazy; how did he handle such spice?

you cut yourself a strip and brought it to your lips. the tonkatsu was surprisingly tame for bakugou's cooking; it could've passed for normal restaurant tonkatsu.

"thish ish good," you said in between bites.

"i know," he gritted out, but he looked proud. "would be better with chili."

you shook your head, smiling. "never in a million years."

it was often you thought of this moment. it was so happy, so complete. it was just you and bakugou, simply being. right now, a genuine smile was something you couldn't curl your lips into, no matter how hard you tried. when you did, the taste of something salty crept into you mouth.

something salty...?

you touched your face. it was wet. your head spun, and then it dawned on you: you were crying. you were crying? your eyes focused, and pain throbbed in your head. lights shone too bright on you, heightening your headache, and a foul taste lingered in your mouth. you were suddenly aware of something solid in your hand: a drink.

something else you were aware of was how much you wanted to go home. you could barely remember what led you to a club as you fumbled in your purse for your phone, glancing at the time and unlocking the screen. all you needed to do was go home. you really wanted to go home, but where was home? home was gone. home...

a fresh wave of tears glossed your face, and you ignored the person next to you's advances. you didn't even know why you were crying. you struggled to read your contacts, dizzy, and called the first one you can make out with your hazed vision.

bakugou.

yes, all you wanted right now was bakugou. you wanted him and his warm arms, his endearing words. you wanted him so bad. you wanted him, and his warmth, and his happiness. you wanted his scent of comfort, the smile that made you feel fuzzy. you wanted his voice to shelter you precisely at that moment, you wanted to feel like it was him and you against the world.

"dumbass? hello? where are you? why is it so freaking loud? enko?"

you hadn't realized that a low quality projection of his voice was speaking on your phone.

"b-bakugou," you said, though it came out hoarsely. "bakugou."

"enko? where are you, and why are you calling at ass o'clock in the morning?"

"miss you," you almost said, but instead it came out as "dunno, you," a mix between "dunno" and "miss you."

"eh? where are you?"

you shrugged. "come here."

"send me your location, moron, and stay where you a-"

you hung up to send him your location.

you yawned and rubbed your forehead. everything was loud, everyone was together. and you were alone. it made you sad. you wanted to have somebody. a voice in the back of your head told you that you had bakugou. did you? right, he was coming. did you tell him to come?

you pressed the call button again.

"what is it?" bakugou asked roughly.

"lonelyyyy..." you moaned. "pick me up, baku...."

"idiot, i'm on my way. why the fuck are you so far from where you live?"

"hmm mmmhm," you strung together sounds. "'m sad."

"don't be." he sounded mad. he always sounded mad.

"why are you always mad at me?" you pouted.

"i'm not, dumbass! i'm pulling in."

"hmmm...!"

bakugou almost tore through the door with rage. "ENKO, GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE."

you hopped toward him, wobbling a bit. the floor seemed to turn under you. enko! that was you! right?

"bakuuugoooou~" you cooed, flopping into his arms. "let's sleep."

he smelled nice. his scent enveloped you, a mix of vanilla and caramel that you’d grown so accustomed to.

he stiffened. "dumbass, i can smell the alcohol on you, we’re going the fuck home."

"don’ wanna," you whined. "lonely. wanna be with youuuuu..." you nuzzled more into his chest, finding comfort in his body warmth. you didn’t want to let go, ever. "tch, fine."

the car ride to bakugou’s place was uncomfortable. cars spun by you, lights making you woozy. you almost bashed your head on the dashboard. your seat was uncomfortable, the seatbelt itched you. despite all that, you stopped to stare at bakugou in your daze, all serious and set on the road. he had nice biceps, and his side profile was a sight for sore eyes (see also: your eyes).

"what, enko?" he grunted, glancing at you.

you said the first thing that came to your mind. "you know you smell nice?"

"huh?" he glanced at you, turning in to his driveway.

well, there was no going back now. "you smell like caramel... and vanilla... it’s nice..." you sighed happily, imagining the fragrance.

bakugou didn’t reply, instead parking and unlocking the doors. "get out, dumbass, it’s past your bedtime."

"but i don’t haaaaaave a bedtime," you slurred, stumbling out of the car. bakugou mumbled a complaint before hoisting you over his shoulder. it was probably not the best move, considering the blood rushing to your head made you feel sick. after entering his house, bakugou set you down on a sofa, sitting you upright.

"stay here."

you leaned back on the sofa, feeling suddenly empty. the buzz in your head had not quite left, but the weight of the world came crashing down again. therapy, your parents, your quirk. it struck you that you were probably bothering bakugou and disturbing his sleep; he was a pro-hero after all, lives depended on his health. but here you were, ever so selfish and probably taking a toll on his health.

"drink." you hadn't realized bakugou had put a glass of water in your hands. you simply nodded and gulped it down, hoping to sober yourself up.

you stared at the man glossy eyed, glass in your hand half empty. "bakugou."

"eh?"

"sorry."

"for what?"

"y'know... waking you up... bothering you... i know you're busy, and-"

"shut up, it doesn't matter. i'd rather you here than in the hands of some douche at the club."

"but still, how would i make it up-"

"by sleeping well. off to bed you go."

he started pushing you towards the hallway. "where will you sleep?"

"sofa."

"but bakugou-"

"go to bed."

"i feel sick-"

"hah?"

a rising sensation of bile emerged in your throat. the only words you could get out of your mouth was "bathroom," before you rushed in. it was not a pretty sight - you preferred to skim over the details when recalling it. the details you did not skim over, however, were that of bakugou's care; for being awoken at ungodly hours in the morning, he was surprisingly gentle with your vomiting state, soothing your stomach with warm hands and rubbing your back. after, he gave you a glass of water and forced you to take ibuprofen, though you swore you felt fine.

bakugou's bed was surprisingly comfortable. then again, bakugou did claim to have gone to bed at 8:30 sharp daily during his high school years, so it made sense he still valued sleep.

you were then reminded how you disrupted his.

and how you were now forcing him to sleep on the sofa.

you padded out of his room, wearing one of bakugou's old shirts that he'd graciously lended you, to the living room. he was laying on his back, feet sticking out of the sofa, eyes closed.

"what?" he asked, eyes still shut.

you knew he wouldn't let you feel guilty about intruding his sleep, so you settled upon saying the next best thing. it was partially true, anyway.

"'m lonely without you." your voice came out smaller than intended.

"huh?" he sat up, groggily looking at you.

"it's- kinda cold, and y'know, with your quirk..."

he grunted and obliged, walking toward his bedroom. you stood behind him, staring at his back; that was surprisingly easy.

bakugou slept with his arms around you, so you were nestled comfortably into his chest. this position felt strangely domestic; something lovers might do nightly. but you and bakugou weren't lovers, you were friends. image of you and bakugou involved romantically faded into your mind; coffee shop dates, cooking together, waking up next to each other. there was a sudden loss of breath in your chest, as if your heart had become weightless and was lifted by a thousand of butterflies taking flight. bakugou... romantically? it hadn't crossed your mind. still, you could see it so vividly in your mind; you, becoming his dumbass, his and his only. you could imagine how he'd look at you, full of love in his eyes, and how he'd gently kiss your forehead in the morning. was it so bad to want that? the more your thoughts indulged you, the more his body warmth drowsed you, his calm breathing adding to the effect. he was practically nyquil in human form. you found yourself nodding off in his arms, not before mumbling a quiet "what if i liked bakugou?" and clutching his shirt closer to you.

you were far too engrossed in the realm of sleep to hear bakugou's faint but hopeful reply of "i'd hope so, dumbass."

at your next therapy meeting, you told hitomi about bakugou. it was unplanned, spilling out of your mouth as soon as she asked why you looked so anxious. you couldn't like bakugou. you blamed your slightly intoxicated past self for planting such a thought in your brain, but you knew it just admitted a lingering feeling from in your heart. you spared her the details of the throwing up and the guilt that gnawed at you regarding how bakugou cared for you.

"it's... childish, right? like an old schoolgirl crush," you flushed, finishing your confession.

hitomi shook her head. "it's good to feel this way, actually. it's quite healthy for a twenty-something like you to harbour such feelings; it allows you to explore your feelings and relationships healthily."

even so, crushing was so damn frustrating. it's one thing to like a person; it's a completely different experience after admitting to yourself, yes, they're my crush. when you were younger, you very rarely developed crushes (as influenced by your parents) and even less were able to act on them. but now, as an adult, you had the freedom to act (or not, considering how your nerves constantly started to act up around bakugou). you decided to push the feelings down; you were just friends, and bakugou had no time to pursue a romantic relationship.

if having a crush was like an addiction, rehab was torture for you. gone were the days of seeing bakugou as platonic; you couldn't stop your heart from swelling whenever he recounted his day to you. bakugou had now become attractive, from his tight, bulging muscles to his hard chest. it did not help that you had to see him in his hero costume flaunting those features every other day on the news.

you convinced yourself bakugou harboured nothing but platonic sentiment for you, but he never failed to send your heart aflutter with discreet compliments he hid under rough comments. you started leaving early whenever the two of your hung out under the guise of other plans (that in reality didn't exist), and tried to always cut conversations short when you bumped into each other in public. he was ground zero, pro-hero, and you were just a civilian who could barely maintain their quirk.

you were just starting your quirk therapy, but you couldn't expect major changes a week in. bakugou had said your wings looked brighter, but you assumed he just said that to make you feel better. you could hover off the ground for less than a second now, but your wing strength lacked too much to be able to do anything requiring more strength. your halo was still absent, and you couldn't figure out how to make it reappear. there hadn't been much research done on the essence of halos; hitomi said not to worry about it regardless.

flap flap flap.

"oi, dumbass, you're gonna create a tornado in here."

flap flap flap.

"i'm practicing flying."

"well, you're going nowhere. d'you want me to call hawks or something?" flap flap flap.

you turned to bakugou, folding your wings neatly. he had the same expression as always, slightly disapproving and tired. your eyes meet his momentously; but they fall down immediately to his lips. lately, this kind of thing had been happening often. bakugou acted like he didn't notice you'd been different lately, but you could tell he wanted an explanation.

you acted on your impulse, your mouth opening and words tumbling from your mouth.

"bakugou- idon'twanttoruinourfriendshipbutijustwannasayitnow- ilikeyou."

"what?" why did you do that?

if this were a texting conversation, you'd leave him on read. if this was a tweet, you'd make your account private. if this was a video call, you'd end it.

alas, this was real life, so you resorted to the next closest thing: you ran. you ran faster than any shoujo girl and with more conviction than any shounen boy, and then you were lost. damn cities.

panting on the sidewalk, wings heaving up and down, you realized what you did. staring at the edge of the pavement, where the curb met the street, hands on your knees, it hit you.

you cussed and yelled at yourself mentally, and though a small part doubted bakugou even heard you, you didn’t allow yourself to have hope. it was game over. you let your feelings override rational thought, and you ruined what was arguably the best thing going on in your life.

you were interrupted by an itch in your feathers from being so cramped while folded. they ruffled against the cool air, distraught. you stretched them out, observing your surroundings and allowing yourself to cool down. the breeze was a satisfying sensation against your feathers, and you hovered just a moment when they flapped.

"mommy, wings!" a kid passes you on the sidewalk, pointing. his mother hushes him, but you smile at him.

the next few days were rough, particularly because you were avoiding bakugou. it was definitely not a good idea, but it was a temporary patch over the open part of your heart.

this was not one of your healthy coping mechanisms.

did he text you? did he call you? you didn’t know, because you turned off your notifications. you knew you were just making things more awkward, even more so if he hadn’t heard you at all. it gave you all the more excuse to ignore him longer.

now, with evenings to yourself, your mind wandered more. your thoughts drifted into a vast desert of tangled constellations in your mind, tightropes you’d tread that would lead you to a random destination. sometimes it led you to random memories - other times, it wasn’t as random, leading you to painful manifestations in your heart. these were the things you tried so hard to ignore, but rang so true.

you were reminded by the constellations in your mind that you were being terribly selfish to bakugou; not even considering his feelings. bakugou didn't deserve you. maybe stars twinkled in your mind, but the bluest ones burned you to the touch. you needed to get over bakugou.

that wasn’t to say it didn’t hurt, trying to get over bakugou. the stars in your mind dimmed, and perhaps, at one point, the constellations were reduced to thread; knotted, tangled, and hopeless.

maybe it was better when the string had been unkempt, because now it unraveled. you cried, and cried; in the shower, at your desk, doing chores. tears, hot and sharp like newly shapen diamonds, dripped down your face. your face was permanently marked by the wounds the diamonds left, and contrary to the stars, your eyes were red and hot. your thoughts unwound like string - there was a clear pathway now, but it was tainted by the shape of the knots there had once been.

everything hurt when you thought of bakugou. your swollen eyes became lifeless as memories of him overtook you. they controlled you. you missed therapy session after session, too scared to go to the place which bakugou had connected you to. sometimes, you’d sprawl across the ground, stare into your ceiling, and feel yourself vanish into something, a dark void of nothingness. he had cared so much for you - too much. why had he? why couldn’t he have left you, that one day you were almost robbed? why couldn’t you just have stayed the way you were? why did you have to find the truth in things? ignorance was a bliss you woke yourself from. ignorance, the dream which from you woke to find a nightmare, reality. why did he have to be him, the stupid pro-hero with a heart that bled kindness into yours? why couldn’t he have stayed a two-dimensional public figure, the careless and angry ground zero? why did he have to be in your goddamn life and ruin it, entangle everything into one big mess? you hated him. you hated him and his stupid endearing insults, him and his rugged smirk that pained your heart so, him and his eyes that held sparks and diamonds and you. deep inside, you knew it wasn’t true; hate was just a name for an indefinably strong feeling you had for him. you knew you didn’t hate him, you knew you couldn’t hate him. you told yourself you did to distance yourself from him. the distance between you and he only grew. your memories were tarnished with pain, his image blurry and wrinkled in your eyes. katsuki bakugou was just someone, no one.

this was the feeling of agony, this was the sight of pure hell, and this was the sound of you burning your heart. distance between you and the man named katsuki bakugou grew, as did your descent into pure madness.

until the distance between you and he was less than a metre.

you had not bothered to tame your hair; it was a bit overgrown and sprouted a couple split ends. you were dressed in a stained shirt, your face not even mentionable, and your heart was beating in your ears. you felt yourself dragged quite forcefully down to sanity, as if opening the door suddenly put gravity into effect.

because here he was, katsuki bakugou in all of his perfect glory, standing on your doorstep.

the little shit refrained from making a comment about your current state, but you could see the comment appearing in his eyes and vanishing as soon as it came. you watched his eyes go from the state of your face down to your unkempt attire. he, on the other hand, looked unaffected. he was sporting a t-shirt and jeans, hands shoved into his pockets. the only indicator, which was minuscule at best, that he had changed at all was the red at the corners of his eyes and slight eyebags. he looked shocked at the sight of you.

"y/n..." you almost fainted on the spot.

you weren’t not jumping for joy in ecstasy at the sight of him, and you didn’t feel like a shoujo protagonist at the moment. it was something different.

"again," but your voice was too hoarse to be heard. your mouth opened and closed, you coughed, and repeated yourself. "s-say it again."

"huh?!" it was nice to know someone hadn’t changed after all that time.

"my- my name..."

"eh? enko."

you sighed, your face indifferent. you weren’t exactly disappointed by his reply; it brought memories upon memories of happier times with him.

"well, what do you want?" you asked, rubbing the side of your face.

"what- what the fuck is going on?" he gestured to you. "i should be asking about you. what the f- what happened to you?!"

"i-"

"enko, i don’t get any of this shit. this relationship crap. what do you want me to do?! first, you act weird as shit- because of what?! i don’t fuckin’ know. you avoid me - don’t think i didn’t notice - and then suddenly you spew shit and leave?! i don’t see you for a goddamn week, you don’t answer your damn calls or texts, and suddenly i’m the damn villain and i’m supposed to give you time or shit to figure things out, and when i can finally fucking see you, you look like actual crap?! hell, i should be the one with deteriorating mental health with all of the bull you put me through! if you want something, if you don’t wanna be friends or shit, just goddamn say it to my face! i’m not good with people, enko, goddamnit! tell me what’s wrong!"

you stood in shock. relationship..? you shook his words away. you hadn’t realized how much this took a toll on bakugou, too. he looked away - something glinted in his eyes, but you couldn’t tell exactly what.

"god-fucking-damnit," he grumbled. "...are ya gonna let me in, or what?! it’s cold out here!"

you didn’t think about how bakugou’s quirk involved producing heat, and let him in unreluctantly, stepping aside. "sorry," you mumbled.

he took off his shoes, and you motioned for him to sit down on your couch.

"explain it to me," he demanded. "what in the goddamn world has happened tot you? did someone do this to you?!"

you refrained from saying technically, it was you, and settled on: "no." it was apparent he hadn’t heard you that day. "just- it’s nothing. i was being stupid, a-and i’m okay now." it was a lie.

"do you take me as an idiot?" he asked. gears shifted in his eyes. "sit down," he said, suddenly calm.

you did so, sitting as farthest as you could from him.

"closer," he gritted out. you scooted a centimetre. "closer." another centimeter. "clo-ser." he pulled you so you were sitting angled toward him, knee brushing his.

"baku...gou?" so many questions flashed in your mind.

"confirm something for me," he ordered. "what exactly did you say to me before running away?"

"i- nothing. it was nothing, i told you, bakugou."

"tell. me. i don’t care if you quoted freud, told me a failed joke, or what. tell me."

your mind was devoid of possible jokes you could use to lie.

you opened your mouth, forcing the words out with all your might. "i don’t remember the specifics," you rambled. "i don’t think i was in the right state of mind-"

"spit it out."

"i think it went something like ‘i like you’ or something?" your pitch rose with every syllable.

"tch," a smile was on his face. "thought so." his hand was suddenly on your cheek, and his lips were on yours. he tasted like caramel. your eyes widened, and you pulled away, sputtering.

"what? what d’you mean, ‘thought so’?!"

"idiot, i like you too. also, when did you last brush your teeth?"

"i- that doesn’t matter. bakugou... i don’t think that this relationship is good for us. as friends or whatnot."

"huh? why not?"

"look at me. look at you. i can barely handle my quirk, and you’re a pro-hero who uses his quirk to help people. i can’t really do anything."

he mumbled something under his breath. "enko, do you think i care about any of that? i don’t care if you have the strongest quirk in the world or none at all. you’re strong - and i don’t say this ‘cause i like you - you’re kind, you see the best in people." he paused. "people don’t give me the time of day ‘cause they think i’m too irrational. brash. careless. but you? you see past that, you don’t care. you work hard no matter what people say. people-" his voice caught in his throat, "people say shit to you, and you don’t care. you keep going."

he saw you... like that? your face heated up.

"don’t be gettin’ all shy on me," he grunted. "tch. come here." he pulled you in for a hug, his arms wrapping around you and narrowly avoiding your wings. you flushed, holding him tight and inhaling his caramel scent. you squeezed your eyes shut, wishing to hold him like this forever.

“hey, enko,” he whispered into your ear. you looked at him, who was currently looking up and pointing. “halo.”

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hansama · 3 years

Photo

asdfghjkl I know I said I’ll look at my inbox more often but i lied I kept forgetting do so (NO REALLY, I DID FORGET)

so again I’ve compiled them all together x’DD

But if you really feel compelled to ask then feel free to send in fanart suggestions? (but there’s a good chance I won’t do them, especially if it’s a character idc about ee;;)

All other ask replies undercut! (I just separated that one cuz I received 3 other asking same question about requests ^^;;)

@lithiumpaintball Thank you sweetie! Happy holidays to you too, hope you have a good time :D ♥

@desertmile cuuute omg//// aaw thank you! >///< ♥ (you have adorable art)

LMAOOO IT’S SO C U R S E D, i’m glad it exists too, thanks nonny HAHA

@abbyflowertale + anon hehe thank you! happy to know you like my drawing ♥ ♥ (I admit, I like him a TINY bit more after drawing him)

thank you! ♥

@the-wish-giver good luck lol xDD

@cattyanon yeah! but this cactus refuses to admit that such thing is possible (ESP because of him, cuz he isn’t cute) << in his opinion

@errorsans666 (tumblr isn’t tagging QhQ)

no I don’t, sorry ^^;; (this includes other ships as well)

my blog is ship-free content, with the exception of selfship (self inserts & ocs), idk if i’d draw any other ships in the future,, but i’m VERY MUCH more into family and friendship relationships! (eg; i love bromance & frenemies :D)

@scifriskyxy (tumblr isn’t tagging, again!;;)

your comment puzzled him

-----------------

that’s all :D thank you everyone for the asks! :D ♥ (and sorry it takes me so long to reply asdfghjkl)

#asks #doodle answer #*phew*#that's a lot of asks my dude #thank you everyone for leaving sweet comments! ♥#i'll try to keep up with my inbox #and if for i'll try to at least reply once a month in a compilation like this #asdfghjkl

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abruisedmuse · 3 years

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I came across your acotar blog and saw you take prompts... mine is a little evil so if you want to ignore it then feel free :) So I had a headcanon that Feyre and Rhys' next kid was a girl. Nyx adores his little sister to bits too. When she comes of age, during a court ball, Tamlin sees her and decides he wants to claim her as his - especially since she looks so much like her mother (but with her father's powerful gifts)... so he steals her away to spring court. Nyx is devastated at losing his sister to *him* (knowing what he put his parents through). Like maybe Fayre, Rhys and Nyx have to rescue her - or maybe it turns out that their daughter is Tamlin's mate (I did say it was evil so sorry!!).... Anyway, this HC is cursed but I needed to share it with someone who loves ACOTAR. lol I asked someone else and realised they no longer like ACOTAR and hadn't posted since '19 *facepalm*

I'm gonna answer this incase anyone wants to take a spin on this. If its okay with you nonnie. I ship feysand. I adore Nyx but I'm not to a point where I can dedicate the time I need to for something like this. I also am not a Tamlin fan so writing him willingly lol

I do wanna weight in my thoughts. Starting with I don't think this is evil or cursed at all! I think this is a great drama filled idea. A little weird given Feyre and Tamlin's past but hey! I'm sure it's not the only time it's happened. I mean fae are immortal and this can't be the only time something like this happened.

Anyway, this kinda has a Hades and Persephone vibe so I'm for it. Sorry I don't have a name for her lmao. This more like an overview of an idea.

Imagine Tamlin being completely shook that Feyre is there only it's not Feyre when he sees her upclose. There's a slight purplish hue to her eyes not that of Rhys or Nyx but enough for him to know.

He takes her for a reason (an incident happens at the ball, he hasn't seen night court in years and thinks this is a ploy or a spy situation he takes her to question, simply takes her out of curiosity)

Some point she tries to escape, but she doesn't known the dangers that haunt the Spring Court. She's heard of course but it's different to be against them. Tam senses it and goes after her. Perhaps this is a mate moment where he realizes. Or not. Yeah let's say he feels a pull. Either way she's hurt and he needs to take care of her.

It's weird for him because she's so much like Feyre. It's stirring wounds, distant memories he long since buried but never healed from. He mutters something about her being too much like Feyre. She questions and pushes. He pulls well a Tamlin aka they argue and he leaves.

They don't see much of each other the next few days. Until he checks on her she asks about her mother, as a human. She apologizes for pushing but shes simply curious of her mother before the change. She wants to know about her being human.

He sighs and something in him caves. He doesn't know why but he tells her of his Feyre as a human. In this talk he assesses her bandages from the attack with gentleness speaks with kindness. Something he never does. It opens up a weird trust between them.

They talk more over the weeks leading up to Summer Solstice. Tam pulls a scene similar to one with Feyre in acotar..freaks out and leaves. She follows and pushes and pushes.

"Let it go." Tamlin snarls

"Have you learned nothing? I never let anything go."

They go away. Far away from the celebration and fight it gets ugly and Tamlin just goes off on his feelings about UTM and since then. She doesn't know what to think about it, so she let's him go. All she's told her life wasn't a lie, but one sided. They were her mothers views. Her mother, didn't seem to notice how deeply he suffered and still is. How terrified he was that she never came back. But she also knows the bad things, like Tamlin locking Feyre away.

Watching him leave she realizes she that she has feelings. Deep feelings for Tamlin and it doesn't make sense because he was her mother's lover. But she can't help heart and she can't, won't let him suffer in pity. So her heart guides her steps leading to his room. Something like this happens when he opens the door.

"Why did you lock her up against her will? My mother. Do you regret it?"

"It's complicated."

"It's not."

"Why are you pushing this?"

"Because I want. No. need to know." Her hand lays over his fist curled into the door frame. "Please Tamlin."

Their eyes meet and he can't deny her. He gestures for her to step inside. His rooms are scarce. Not much beyond furniture she holds her tongue about it.

"I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was protecting her...."

He goes on to speak disturbing thoughts Amarantha placed in his head made true by visions Rhysand put in there. He knew they were false but still once there he couldn't let them go. Every time he looked at Feyre he saw those visions, Everytime he looked at Feyre he heard the crack of her neck. He was terrified of someone coming to get her.

"I do regret it. Had I not perhaps she'd be here still."

She nudges his arm, "then I wouldn't.'

He grins at the flooring before looking at her. Realizing all the grief and heartache from Feyre was all for this. For her. Feyre was never his, she was.

"When Lucien." He swallowed thickly another person he wronged. "Returned speaking of Feyre with Rhysand I think I knew then what it meant. I was driven by jealously and anger then."

They talk more and kiss. It gets hot and heavy but interrupted and she leaves.

Feyre, Rhys, and Nyx show the next day. It gets ugly between Rhys and Tamlin when Rhys smells his daughter off Tam, Feyre gets angry too. Nyx finds and takes his sister. She fights the entire way. Rhys tells Tamlin if he goes after her there will be punishment. Tamlin sees a glimpse of her kicking and fighting in Nyx's grasp reaching for Tam. Her eyes pleading.

The bond snaps in place as she disappears.

Feyre and Rhys try to tell her how terrible Tamlin is and she gets it and understands but tries to get them to understand him. They won't..feyre claims he's charmed her its not real. She doesn't believe her. They forbid her from leaving. She tries leaving and is caught. Now she's locked in her room and she's crying.

Annnnd this is where my thoughts stop lmao. All I know after this is Tamlin does go after. Reveals they're mates and hea. But not before Rhys and Tam fight it out

#Tamlin #feysand #nyx #acotar oc #now that I typed it out #or most of it #i kinda want to do it #what have you done nonnie #ask #answered #anon #plunny

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motorkink · 3 years

Note

I’m more into like, bottom Seb, (like I don’t touch a fic if it’s not bottom seb lol, it’s picky but that’s just my comfort zone, I’ve never been able to get into top Seb smh) and I was wondering if any of those blogs you recommended have a lot of that or do you know of anyone who writes that? I mean within his ships, not like reader insert or anything. Ya know, sebchal, sewis, martian, sebson, etc. Sorry for the long ask. Thank you, also, I admire your blog and your work so much😻 You’re so talented.

hey nonnie!! im glad u said this bc im not big on reader inserts anyway ;; and by not big i mean i will run for the hills if i come across one lmao…..i also struggle to read top!seb so i absolutely understand!!

the blogs i recommended are very mixed and mostly self insert or have asks involving misc ships but theyre run by friends :-D

however! if ur looking for martian blogs i recommend @sebmark and @rightonesheavier !!

in terms of writing im not familiar with many blogs that post their snippets on here . my ao3 martian fic recs (here) and (here) all include bottom!seb

sorry im so bad at this but thank u so much (*´-`) im so glad u like it and i hope this helped somehow…..if ur someone like me who doesn’t even acknowledge their own existence it can get pretty uncomfy reading abt what others want to do with [insert driver] so naturally i’ve shielded myself from a lot of the community nsfw blogs & am terrible at rec’ing

#ask #bc im not like . fixated on other seb ships apart from martian. and sometimes sebson #i cant rlly give any good recs ;; sorry #gemjam will always pull thru #as will tianvette #and geri_lea

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spaceorphan18 · 3 years

Note

I read with interest your view and that of @hopefulobjectmiracle about tumblr Klaine fandom. Is there more shipping these days than 2010-15? I ask because there seems to be a smaller group that only ship Kurt with Blaine but there seems to be a huge rise in Kurtbastian and Hevans shippers. Likewise, there’s many more pezberry or faberry shippers. And a lot more of those shippers trying to discredit Blaine or Brittany as OTP for Kurt and Santana. There seems to be new younger people joining Tumblr declaring a love for all things Klaine, and then a week later shipping Kurt with everybody else!! Has there been a change since the show aired?

Hi Nonny! :)

Hmmm.... There's not really a clear answer to this because the way shipping evolved is different than people just finding things now.

There are kind of two different things going on here -- Kurt related shipping and non-Kurt (blaine/klaine) shipping. I can't tell you much about non related Kurt things -- however, I will say that Faberry was HUGE when the show was on. It's a subsection of the fandom I never interacted with but it was around in season 1, and loud enough that the show makes nod to it from season 2 forward. Brittana was always around, too, and the reason Brittana became a thing on the show was, partly, due to fans crying out that they should be a couple -- and more than the throwaway joke the writers made in the first season.

I don't know what happened to those ships over time, or how the evolved since the show ended -- I'm sorry :/

But now, I will tell you the epic history of Kurt shipping. (Again. i should really dig out my old notes on this, lol)

Here we go long post...

I found it! I'm going to quote myself so I don't have to write it out again, lol. This was originally from an ask about the BBO (Better Boyfriend Olympics), but it'll work here, too.

Okay, so let’s go back to 2010 when there wasn’t a Klaine fandom, there was a Kurt fandom. A lot of the BBO stemmed out of the Kurt’s Boyfriend Shipping wars of 2010.

Back then, there was just a Kurt fandom, and a lot of opinions about who he should date. Believe it or not, Kurt was shipped a lot with the other guys on the show, there was a healthy dose of Kurt/Finn, but Kurt/Puck was huge, and there was a smattering of Kurt/Mike (I never really did see much Kurt/Artie now that I think of it, which is kind of funny in retrospect, but I’m sure it’s out there.) Anyway - when the show announced Kurt was getting a boyfriend – well, things began to get heated up.

Three big ships emerged

Kurt/Sam - because the rumor was that Sam was originally supposed to be Kurt’s bf (probably not, but that rumor was big at the time). Btw, they were the canoe ship (I have no idea why) and was also known as Kum (rolls-eyes). This ship’s fanbase was so huge and lasted so long, that the show felt the need to address it head on in Season Two’s Rumours (not a joke).

Kurt/Karofsky - Also known as Kurtofsky, they were also called themselves the Pirate ship (god, Idk why, shipping wars are weird, yo). These people were also really passionate, mostly about Dave, but liked the whole idea that Kurt would save Dave and they would have this weird - enemies to loves love affair or something. I don’t know, I could never get past the squicky assault aspect, but whatever.

Kurt/Blaine - which. at the time, was… the biggest possibility? It’s funny cause the other two ships were just as big as the Klaine ship, and really the fighting became over who was going to be the best option for Kurt.

And that’s the thing. Fans of Kurt were so passionate about who was best for Kurt, because everyone had seen him go through hell and back on the show, so his boyfriend needed to be perfect for him. And you know who was perfect (at first) – Blaine. More on that in a second…

However, Blaine brought his own bit of baggage – namely fans of Darren Criss (and/or Starkid fans). Unlike Chord Overstreet or Max Adler, people knew who Darren was before he was on Glee. So his own fandom joined in on the Klaine of it all. At first it was all fine – as the shipping wars continued, it was less about Kurt vs Blaine and more about Klaine vs the other shippers. Well, that was going to change….

Original Song happened and Kurt and Blaine got together ending the question of who would ultimately be Kurt’s boyfriend. And things were nice and cozy headed into season 3. You’d think the Kurt/Sam and Kurt/Karofsky ships would die out, but not really, they stuck around for a long time, and kinda morphed into something else.

See, The First Time happened. And for the first time Blaine wasn’t the perfect prince that he was in season 2 – he had more of a developed personality, and more flaws. And… some people didn’t like it. (Also added to the mix was Sebastian – and the Seblaine and Kurtbastian ships were born, but those kinda go off on their own thing and I’m not really going to bring them up much here.) Anyway, what really got fandom split was Dance With Somebody.

You had two sides of an argument, people who saw Kurt’s POV and people who saw Blaine’s POV – and guess what happened. The two sides began to fight with each other over who was “right” in the argument. (My god…) And thus started what fandom started referring to as The Better Boyfriend Olympics.

See - for reasons I don’t fully understand - instead of seeing that each of the boys have a fault and each were wrong in the episode, each side wanted to say that their side, and their POV was the correct way – that one boyfriend was more oppressed and the other was not as good a partner.

On the Kurt side, though, you had a lot of the old Kurt fans and ships who didn’t like Blaine (and/or didn’t want Blaine as his partner) so they vehemently decided that unless Blaine was the perfect boyfriend again, he didn’t deserve to be with Kurt. Meanwhile, you had the Blaine fans, many of them Darren fans who wanted Blaine to have more depth to him than just being Kurt’s boyfriend, and not being Kurt fans first (or originally) they were going to push back at the Kurt fans who were lashing out at Blaine.

Compounding this was the fact that during season 3, there were so many cast members and characters that unless you were Finchel, you were begging for scraps and your featured episode to come along. Meanwhile - Kurt got a ton of screen time, but didn’t sing much, while Blaine sang a lot more, but didn’t get much story. The Kurt fans resented that Blaine was always singing. The Blaine fans were annoyed that the Kurt fans resented it, and tried to remind the Kurt fans that Blaine barely got any development.

Either way, a war had begun. And then The Break Up happened.

Now Kurt fans had a specific reason to point at – Blaine being a terrible boyfriend. He cheated. He’s terrible. The end.

The fandom was not firmly split into sides - you were either a Kurt fan - a lot of them who HATED Blaine - partly because he was getting more attention at the time, partly cause he did sing more, partly because they were made up of Kurt ships that didn’t work out, and partly cause they saw so much of themselves in Kurt that they projected onto him their own feelings, and loving Blaine was not a part of that projection. Or you were a Blaine fan - who spent a lot of time defending Blaine to the point of exhaustion, and became so resentful of Kurt that they wished Blaine could be with anyone else because Kurt (fans) didn’t understand Blaine and should just stop trying.

Weren’t there any Klainers you ask? Ha, well…. Klainers, people actually liked Kurt AND Blaine were stereotyped into two categories. Category A) the really really loud fanbase (usually on Twitter) that harassed the creators, RM, Chris, Darren, various crew about Klaine every second that they got – to the point that it started to feel embarrassing (that’s probably my own projection). Category B) People who thought (think) that Chris and Darren were (are) in a secret relationship. (Spoiler alert they aren’t, never have been, and never will be.) The two of these categories overlapped A LOT, and many of the fans of one boy or the other just disassociated completely.

You could still be a fan of the Klaine relationship, but you had a preference to which boy you were actually a fan of – you couldn’t like both, or else you were a Klainer, and that was not cool. (I spent a long time NOT identifying as anything, and trying to make sure everything I did and said was equal – a) cause I was new to fandom and b) cause I hated that either one or the other of these characters were villainized so frequently.)

Anyway - Season 4 continued. Adam showed up, and Kurt fans got all excited, but the problem was that a lot of them saw him as the perfect boyfriend again – not a real character but a prop that could make Kurt look good and be everything for Kurt. Look, I liked Adam, I did, but he was underdeveloped, and this weird idea that your boyfriend needs to be perfect in order to be a functioning relationship is just unrealistic. I digress. Meanwhile, we didn’t get a lot of Kurt POV, which didn’t help things, and meant even more projection over his character.

Meanwhile, the Blaine fans had formed their own community, which became viciously defensive of him. I think the whole fandom was toxic during this time for a lot of reasons, and I really wanted to quit it. Many people did – the show wasn’t being fun anymore.

Season 5 came along, the boys got back together, tempers simmered, but the whole idea of the Better Boyfriend Olympics came back every time a conflict happened. Arguments about who was the better boyfriend ensued, gatekeeping as to why their pick was best and why your opinion sucked still ran through the fandom. Not helping was the fact that Cory had died, and the creators, actors, and crew – as well as media – was tired of Glee.

The one nice thing, though was that a lot of the old crowd had moved on by then, and there was an influx of newer people coming in during season 5 (and season 6) – they weren’t here for the season 3 droughts and season 4 wars, and brought in a newer and fresher perspective.

But still - we had the end of season 5 and the summer of spoilers and season 6 to get through. At this point, the Kurt and Blaine camps had moved to their parts of the internet and really not speaking much to each other if they could help it. When an argument happened on the show, the same kind of Better Boyfriend Olympics came up again – one boyfriend was worse than the other, and unless they changed xyz they were not good enough for the other. But at this point, it was incredibly tiring. I know that I was just ready for the show to be done with.

I should say, as an aside, not helping things were the rise of some rather vocal BNF-ish fans, who dug their heels in about their own opinions. The refusal to even acknowledge that one side or the other might be right, or have valid points was not helping anything. A lot of people on both sides refused to even listen to the points on the other side – and instead of being frustrated at the show, the creators, or whatever, they took it against each other, which wasn’t fun to watch either.

Season 6 happened - Blainofsky happened, and that killed enthusiasm for the season on both sides, most people just kind of wanted it to be over. And then the ending came quickly, and I think a lot of people who were just plain unhappy about everything left for good.

The Better Boyfriend Olympics, or this weird competition that always pitted the boys and their fandoms against each other in the name of one being better than the other, leveled off after this. I won’t give myself /that/ much credit - but one reason I created @todaydreambelievers was to give fans of both Kurt and Blaine a safe place where we could enjoy and discuss both boys without the BBO rearing its head. And you know what – it did mend a few hearts.

For the most part, it’s been pretty quiet since. Fandom is quieter, but I think the people who have come into it after the show has ended are a lot less judgmental and argumentative. (I suppose it helps if you know how the story is going to end.) And the cool thing, for me, is finding a group of people who enjoy Kurt and Blaine equally (or respectfully) – and reclaiming the name Klainer as a good thing.

I’ll end by saying this – it’s been relatively peaceful, even with the influx of new people throughout the years, but I have been seeing shades of BBO pop up again. Look, you don’t have to like Klaine to be a fan of one or the other of them. But there are a lot of terrible things going on in the world, a lot of things to be angry and get indignant about. How a fictional couple was written ten years ago is not one of them. Be respectful of people, and know that maybe the side you understand better isn’t the only side worth listening to. ;)

////////////////////

So, I suppose that's part 1 of this full picture. Onto Part 2.

Here's the thing -- I've stayed, mostly, in my little tumblr buble over the past five years -- blissfully unaware that I suppose things were going on around me. Except... they really weren't. Until the pandemic happened, and Glee went to Netflix internationally, and a whole bunch of young kids grew up and started watching the show.

By the time I ended TDB in 2019, there weren't many of us left. I knew there was our small, dedicated group of fans. The tinhatters (the group who thought Chris and Darren were in some kind of relationship. spoiler alert -- they're not). And I know the Kurtbastian fans have been kicking around for a while. But no one was around in huge numbers.

And then boom - pandemic, and I'm shocked (not in a bad way) that this show has already seen a resurgence. The weirdest part, for me, is the fact that not only is history repeating itself -- seriously, people are bringing up old conflicts that have been dead for ages, and old shipping wars I never thought I'd see again -- but I think this new group's relationship with the show is much different.

I think that Kurt is a character whom a lot of people can still identify with. And because he's on his own in the first season, it's still easy to project yourself onto him. And then shipping goes from there. Blaine went from being the exciting option, omg are they really gonna do Klaine?? to -- hey Klaine is the boring canon choice, we can choose who we want for Kurt.

Layer over that years of Blaine hate still circling the interwebs. The echo chamber that Twitter and Tiktok create. And the fact that neither Chris or Darren seem to have the army of fans they once did (well -- Darren does, but they don't really watch Glee anymore). And you get this varied landscape of shipping.

No, some days it doesn't feel that different from the BBO days. The fact that I still get asks about Blaine and TFT car scene or Tested makes me feel like I'm back in 2013. Other times I'm perplexed by resurgences -- such as Kurtbasitan and Kurt/Sam. (Please don't bring back Kurtofsky guys)

But there's a saying -- Same Shit, Different Day.

I think there is an entirely different group of people than the original people watching, and their reasoning for shipping whatever is much different. But they've certainly come to a lot of the same conclusions that brought about the shipping wars in the early days.

At the end of the day - I think Kurt will always been a fandom mattress. But ship what you like and be nice to everyone else. There's enough hate in the world -- no need to dump on people's escapism.

#that's how s.o. sees it #klaine history #klaine #and fandom #did I answer the question?#idk

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