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parrythisucasual · 7 months

Note

Jax accidentally picking a nerve with one of his playful insults and then comforting the reader afterwards - I know it's a bit OOC but I need that from him I just know he's got a secret soft side

OKAY DID IT SORRY ITS A DAY LATE D:

NEXT THING IM WORKING ON WILL ME CHAPTER 3 OF MY FULLFIC

PAIRING: Jax x Reader (Romantic)

TW: Bullying (Its Jax)

CONTENT: Jax takes a joke too far and wants to make up for it

Jax was playfully insulting you. You were chuckling a little, each more creative than the last. But when he made a remark about your autism, something about it just made your stomach sink. He didn’t seem to notice your change in demeanor, and it only served to hurt your feelings more.

“Haha… yeah… I'm kinda tired, actually…” you stand and quickly leave, not looking back. You rush towards your room, hearing Jax call out behind you, “Hey, wait! (Y/N)... (Y/N), WAIT!” You know he's faster than you, so you turn around, waiting for him to catch up.

“Hey, why'd you leave like that? You were laughing, what happened?” he asked, sounding rather annoyed you had walked away from him. You rub an arm, shrugging, “I just… you know…”

“Don't try to tell me you're just tired, you literally can't get tired. You're digital. Remember?” he crossed his arms impatiently. You sigh, slowly giving in, “I just… Well, I’m kinda… your joke about…” you try to find the words, “I didn’t like the joke about my autism. It kinda hurt my feelings…”

He seems surprised, “You say stupid things about it all the time?” he mentions. “Well, yeah, but it's different when someone else does it, you know? I'm sorry, I know it’s stupid.”

He then does the unexpected, something you never thought in a million years Jax would ever do. He apologizes. “I didn't know it upset you. Sorry, I’ll avoid that. But don’t go thinking it’s because I like you or anything,” he smiled gently, patting you on the top of your head. He paused a moment, pondering something, then gave you a swift hug before turning away, “later, (Y/N).”

You watch him leave, a tiny grin turning your lips upwards. He was a sotie after all, wasn’t he?

#jax #jax x reader #the amazing digital circus #tadc #tadc jax #tadc jax x reader #tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus jax

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cumulo-stratus · 8 months

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BAU autism headcannons

(GIF NOT MINE)

(male reader)

CW: possible swearing, mentions of meltdowns and overstimulation, lemme know if theres anything else!

A/N: sry i havent rly posted in a while, i started a school recently and its been a rly big change for me so ive just been emotionally/mentally exhausted like all the time, but i dont wanna abandon u guys so i decided i would get something up, even if its not super good, thanks for y’all’s understanding <3

i think both JJ and Emily would become sort of mothers to reader

(not that they werent already mothers to the rest of the team but reader especially)

like JJ would totally have a motherly instinct for readers needs (like a sort of spider sense)

like if your ever nervous about something being too much or being overwhelming, jj would kinds know this and either make arrangements for accommodations or make sure you know you dont have to go if you want to.

and like she definitely wold put herself in charge of keeping your safe foods stashed on the jet and at the office

emily is more of a mother in a protective way than jj is

like this girl will not hesitate at all to go off on someone for maybe being disrespected to about stimming your chair while thinking

or like if you dont want to shake a police officers hand when your being introduced, and you get dirty/weird looks for it, or anyone comments on it? BOOM this girl will stare at them with so much animosity they’ll be scared of her shes so hot oml

anyways i thinks he team would be super accepting of you, especially if you joined after reid like they would already have some experience with autism

and like if you weren’t ent comfortable telling anyone other than hotch(i feel like it would be like a in ur file thing idk how the government works tho) spencer would defo be able to tell and confront u privately abt it (our respectful king <3)

and if you are comfortable telling the team, everyone would be respectful

i think like rossi/gideon would be a little clueless but like trying their hardest

like rossi would have no idea what stimming is but understands that like you move in certain ways or make certain noises when ur excited

and like with all his money he wouldnt hesitate to spoil u with any fidget toy u need/want or like a rly nice weighted blanket (its insane how expensive those things are)

and like gideon despite his profound understanding of others (hope yall got that ;)) he wouldn’ t get why sometimes you dont feel like/cant talk but totally respects it

omg garcia is our autism ally QUEEN im telling you

always has a big basket of fidgets/stim toys sitting on her desk and when your having a rough day shell leave you a little goodie in a brightly colored and decorated bag

i firmly believe that she is the queen at finding brands with clothes that not only fits your style perfectly but is also sensory friendly

i think she would definitely say that if she never ended up working in the FBI she wouldve started a clothing shop for sensory friendly clothing/accessories

spencer would totallllyyyy be your best friend when it comes to being under-stimulated

he will totally info dump on you and vice-versa

spencer (like penlope) would totally recommend clothing brands that are sensory friendly, but sock brands in particular

and everyone makes fun of you for nerding out over everything

also spencer would definitely get in the habit of grabbing your hands in his when you start to pick a t your nails and cuticles

like he didnt even realize what he was doing the first time but now he does it without thinking about it and for the team its normal

“hey,” and he would gently grab your hands to stop you from picking at them

“sorry..”

”youve nothing to be sorry for” (with that little reid smile oml rf[osifjgturhv)

and i also firmly believe that morgan is the best people to go to if your having a meltdown

he would stop you from harmfully stimming

“hey sugar, unclench those pretty little hands for me. there we go… good job kid.” he would have the softest smile and voice

and when he takes your hands to stop you from hitting yourself his grip is rly firm but gentle

but hotch is the best to go to for when your overstimulated

like he would make sure you know his office is always a quiet place you can go to with out questions

and he would secretly have a stash of like stimm toys in his office that he stole from garcia

his couch is always open to you, especially like late at night if you are really tired his fatherly instincts will kick in and force you to come to his office for a break

he would would hand you and blanket and a stim toy

”sit. sleep”

thats all he would say in his cute little stern but actually caring voice <3

#criminal minds #bau team #bau #spencer reid #emily prentiss #derek morgan #aaron hotchner #david rossi #penelope garcia #jennifer jereau #criminal minds x gn reader #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x masc! reader #criminal minds x fem!reader #headcannons #autism #autism headcannons #criminal minds x autistic reader

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lovelyrotter · 5 months

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okay but i actually kinda wanna know ur take on stridercest being canon compliant O_O <- autism stare

oh hey i am also hitting you with the autism stare. ill try to get my thoughts down in a way that makes sense to more than just me hahaha

bear in mind that im an epilogue lover and i think Meat/Candy are really valuable pieces that further all of the characters and are also hard canon in the sense that we're looking at just 2 post-game universe outcomes out of an uncountable number (the book in the picnic basket representing post-canon fanfic). i think the characters actions in the epilogues make sense and are satisfying to me. yes even jane (i love alpha jane and i will not do her the disservice of 'cleaning her up' w/o showing her work for it. thats not how you depict a character who grew up with fascist programming). i could totally go on a whole tangent about this specifically but thats another post lol we'd be here forever and its also not stridercest

but okay. canon stridercest. under the cut cause it got kinda long

basically it has to do with the cherubs and how their relationships and mating rituals are pretty obviously incestuous leaning even though cherubs dont have the human concept of Siblings or blood family. the cherub who predominates will search across paradox space to mate with another cherub who closely resembles the cherub they predominated which is like textbook Freudian sexuality. theres a lot of Freud and Jungian stuff in HS imo even if im kinda [wobbly hand gesture] at the validity of these theories applied to real life and real people. but theyre super fun tools and lenses to use in fiction and i mean. gestures at all of dave

so the incest aliens cherubs. the whole reason why im talkin about them is bc Caliborn is so incredibly interested and invested in the Striders in particular. caliborn as both Lord English and Lil Cal shapes earth NOT OVERTLY but more so embeds himself in earth society, but again, the Striders lives in particular. dave is full of incest jokes. hes even apparently got a list of his friends arranged in order of how likely theyd incest-elope with each other (thank you epilogues for this amazing factoid). he seems to think about it often enough to, yknow, Do That. have a good solid think about that and construct an organized list about it. bearing in mind dave makes jokes about stuff thats a) bothering him, or b) generally camping out in his brain. hes not even really aware of it most of the time (as we see in one of the openbounds where hes all 'why am i thinking about puppets???' after seeing dirk for the first time in that dream bubble. he is thinking nonstop about dirk at that point and going off his only frame of reference for ANY dirk, which is his bro. his bro who was most likely deeply warped by Lil Cal)

sorry for the long blocky paragraph lol. but now onto the next thing

Caliborn as Lil Cal is the centerpiece in the beta strider apartment. dave cant escape him and beta dirk grew up with him. what the fuck do you do when youre childhood comfort item is also the most evil creature across all of paradox space? if youre a dirk you try to fight it. but how long can you keep fighting something like that. its safe to say that bro was affected by Caliborns particular brand of perversion and sfw kink. i dont think i have to say how insidious abusive and toxic he is about those things. and looking at the truth of beta bro (16yo alpha dirk) you can start to see just how warped beta bro became. beta bro is a false dirk (still a very Real dirk but not the Truth of dirk. beta bro has been toxified and made infinitely worse by an absolute evil influence over decades of life. in 80s fuckin texas. presumably in the system. anyone would be fucked up after that)

so for this analysis/theory im stating beta bro as a false persona. using jungian terms he is apha dirk's shadow

both dave and dirk live with a fake, carefully manicured version of their bros. they live with personas (or shadows of their guardians on the walls. hello platos allegory of the cave). they dont actually know e/o and they dont until the striunion

alpha dirk especially grows up embedded in the Public Persona Of Dave Strider 400 years post mortem and completely alone with unlimited internet access. hes a self admitted expert on his bro and we dont get to see a lot if any of his early childhood but i can hazard a guess at how much he clung to that persona of his bro. he fuckin idolizes dave. he LOVES dave. right off the bat he is in some kind of love with dave and i think if you try to argue against that then thats you slippin. i think youre a fool and have to reread homestuck because i wholeheartedly believe the striders loving eachother is part of the win state

once again this is speculation cause we get barely anything about alpha dave, but from what we already know about him im guessing this bro-persona is

achingly effortlessly cool

oozing masculinity (toxic or not, not really interested in categorizing that although toxic coolboy masculinity IS something the striders contend with & is an important facet in their lives)

a skilled fighter

a dedicated moviegoer (hes a director need i say more. this one is probably the only genuine thing about his on-screen persona)

and now lets look at jake. someone whos grown up on pretty much nothing but movies, whos doubtlessly been influenced by hollywood and its idea of gritty 'main character' masculinity through that, and who also clings to more old-school ideas of manliness (think victorian/edwardian era gentlemanly-but-loves-a-good-scrum kinda manly. moustache twirly with a monocle kinda manly. basically everything that grandpa harley is)

but okay lets look at what jake wants to be. lets take a look at his teenager persona

achingly effortlessly cool (his own 'hollywood star' kind of cool also def influenced by his favourite characters like lara croft who is indeed achingly cool. you see him succeed in inhabiting this hollywood star persona on earth c)

oozing masculinity (the old school manly mans-man kind)

a skilled fighter (two pistoles always. harder to aim cause you cant use a free hand to make up for kickback. that takes skill)

a dedicated moviegoer (again one of the only genuine parts about his persona. his questionable-to-wretched tastes aside. but bearing in mind that the SBaHJ movies are intentionally bad which is what makes them loop around to good. such is the nature of intentionally 'bad' art. jake fuckin lives in this perpetual bad-good art loop. okay enough with the art tangent keep focused man cmon)

because dirk has obviously way more contact with jake i dont doubt he sees through jakes own (admittedly way more flimsy) coolboy persona but the point still stands i think. different flavours but the same kinda guy. dirk has a type and i dont think its a stretch to say that hes looking for aspects of the bro-persona he grew up looking at in other boys, much like the winning cherub looking for the one they lost in the cherub theyll mate with

also wtf is with dirks obvious boner for dave chasing him across paradox space to decapitate him huh?? the last few sentences in Meat are about that very thing. he wants to fuc fight dave sooo bad. haha remember how the cherubic mating ritual is one of the most violent and long running spectacles in paradox space? i sure do

#stridercest #davedirk #dirkdave #alphacest #my t #thank you if you read all this HAHAHA #i am dedicated to my craft (autistic) (indulgent)

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c0ffinshit · 6 months

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Smut/Romantic Headcanons: Nathan Bratt

a/n: hey guys, i’m actually working on a longer fic about nathan but its taking WAY longer than i wanted so have this to tie you over im sorry T_T

warnings: smut (duh), nathan being a switch and a bit of a slut

- okay so like this man claims to not be a romantic but literally WAKES UP AND BREATHES ROMANTIC

- if you get in a fight with him, he will write you a note about how sorry he is and buy a bouquet of your favorite flowers

- also GUILTY. HE WILL FEEL SO GUILTY ABOUT THE FIGHT.

- this man needs to be reassured 24/7

- he is also a bit clingy

- like that man has a DEATH GRIP if you try and leave the bed while cuddling

- he is a hand holder

- like any chance he gets, he will hold that hand!!!!

- also great kisser

- like i know i say that a lot but like I MEAN THIS TIME

- his lips are so soft 24/7 and he does that thing when you two make up where he licks your bottom lip AUGHHH

- he will let you take his glasses and wear them (that man is blind without them but he still thinks its cute)

- okay this is a general hc but like whatever: this man doesn’t get modern lingo and you MAY abuse that

- “babe, wtf does that even mean???” (him after hearing the word ‘rizz’ for the first time)

- for dates, he loves staying in and watches movies or reading books/doing puzzles

- this man is chronically chill but also a ball of anxiety

- he is very confused about a lot of things

- his love language is gift giving even tho this man is canonically broke as HELL.

- will probably include you in a story and be super proud of it, like a child who just completed their macaroni art

- also he has two wolves inside of him: one named adhd, the other named autism

- he may not be into talking about his feelings because he is a bit of a cryer

- he cries a lot

- like at anything, anywhere

- he’s just a soft man who needs a hug T_T

smutty headcanons under the cut

- this man is a switch in denial who has a praise kink

- he’s like “yeah i get hard when call me a good boy and to get on my knees but im still the top!”

- which like when he is on top, that man is ON TOP

- he um may or may not be um into hair pulling

- that man is condescending and RUTHLESS when he tops

- “awe, i bet you’ll be a good girl now.”

- three words: PINING YOU DOWN.

- he is sensitive in all the right places

- like his jawline— if you kiss or touch his jawline, he will purr

- im serious. this man purrs and whimpers. i don’t make the rules.

- begging. he is into you begging and begging for you.

- if you come over to his house in just his shirt and booty shorts, he will tear it off you and fuck you like its his last day on earth

- when he isn’t being a top, he is a SLUT for you

- doing anything and everything if it means it will turn you on or make you cum

- also he likes being called a slut (secretly, that’s why he always calls you one when he’s on top)

- also also, totally has a thing for collars and leashes

- “no, its not a pet play thing…” (he lied, it definitely is)

#send help #nathan bratt x reader #goosebumps 2023 #goosebumps #justin long #justin long x reader

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silawastaken · 1 month

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it’s me again. new Taylor swift album. ssk thoughts?

first, i woke up at 4:30 in the morning to listen to this album the moment it came out. And I WAS going through it thinking about skk when I wasn't bawling my eyes out over certain lyrics that were personal attacks

I do want to take a moment to talk about the actual album itself on its own for a moment just because omfg i love it, and something I really liked with tpd in comparison to more of her recent albums, is the music seems very simple, with a focus on lyricism, which had always been a theme with her music, that the lyrics are more important, but it just. It's so well done here.

Also, there's a very nice mix between the synth pop of midnights, and the more acoustic vibes from folklore and evermore in this album, when i listened to the first song i thought the whole album was going to have that same vibe, and was very pleasantly surprised at the first piano track.

Also a lot of the lyrics are very reminiscent of her earlier albums, thinking speak now and fearless. it feels most obvious with i can do it with a broken heart and who's afraid of little old me- which by the way, based off the title I thought i would HATE whos afraid of little old me, but i actually really like it??? like it's a very 'cringe' phrase, it's made fun of mercilessly, but it works surprisingly well.

The songs all seem to have an earlier album they could tie back to, with the same vibes or styles of lyrics, and it's so nice to listen to while thinking of what it could possibly tie back to.

This definitely isn't my favourite album, i was expecting something different i think, but it's still really good, and there are quite a few really good songs on it. guilty as sin? and clara bow are my personal favourites i think :3

But I would like to direct your attention to the second song on the album, 'The Tortured Poets Department'

I LOVE a title drop in a song, it drives me insane for real, and i actually screamed. But more importantly, in reference to this, it is VERY skk to me, like I listened to it and instantly was thinking of how i was going to reference this song in an au some day.

But imo, this song is 100% Chuuya pov skk and well the autism is working overtime so I will be doing an analysis I'm so sorry this is what I'm using my time for but AUGH brainrot im sorry i have interests

'You left your typewriter at my apartment' - starting off by mentioning that this is what i thought of when considering references, because im a sucker for writer skk, and i thought a really cool thing would be Dazai leaving a typewriter behind when he left for some reason, and then Chuuya picking it up and eventually using it, especially with one of the following lines being 'who uses a typewriter anyway?', something he used to judge Dazai for then becoming something he does himself is just *polite clapping* i love it and I will be giving dazai a typewriter at somepoint

'But you're in self sabotage mode, throwing spikes down on the road' - Dazai is very mentally ill, and likely does self sabotage, ESPECIALLY if it were to be his relationship with Chuuya, his bandages are an allegory for the fact that he doesn't let anyone see below the surface of his personality, and that does go for Chuuya as well. He doesn't allow for that kind of vulnerability and in all likelihood, if he were to end up in a situation where he did need to be vulnerable, he'd self sabotage and try and fuck it up just to get out of that situation. However, there's also the next lines;

'But I've seen this episode and still love the show, who else decodes you?' - which is to say that regardless of the 'episode' dazai would be having in that moment, chuuya would still love him, and can decode him to understand what he is doing, which is a VERY skk thing, being able to decode what the other is thinking when they do things, and their intentions. He would be able to work out what was going on, and be able to work things out.

'And who's gonna hold you like me? And who's going to know you, if not me?' - skk have that insane bond that they don't have with anyone else, they know each other better than anyone else, and they both probably know it, regardless of whether they admit it or not, and (don't attack me im a multishipper) they're genuinely unmatched as a duo, there's not another team with either of them that are stronger than the two of them together. Nobody is going to know them the way that they know each other, it's just impossible given how close they had to be, and the environment they were in. The entire Dazai makes Chuuya feel human and Chuuya makes Dazai feel alive thing. As the post chorus says, nobody will do it the same.

'I scratch your head, you fall asleep, like a tattooed golden retriever' - rare moments of vulnerability my beloved, but my specific picking of this line is Dazai's constant insistence that Chuuya is his dog, while frequently behaving in a way(esp ada dazai) that would be more suited to a golden retriever. There's also something I want to say here about the comparison to a dog, by a person he loves. But it is canon that Dazai at the very least does not like dogs, and in fanon he is frequently portrayed as afraid of them.

Here, this could be translated as it being a metaphor, Dazai being vulnerable like a dog, something he is scared of/hates. He isn't just scared of dogs, he's scared of vulnerability in any form, and comparing him to a dog when he is like that would be to emphasise that point, that he hates them both. This also opens the implication that Chuuya is aware of both of these fears.

But he is like a dog, and being vulnerable, and in that moment, he would be exactly what he hates most, his is everything he hates. And Chuuya loves him anyway, despite knowing how much he hates himself. And he makes himself vulnerable around Chuuya, regardless of how much he's scared of it.

'Sometimes i wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me' - this lyric makes me think of concerns about Dazai leaving again after they reunite at 22, perhaps Chuuya's own concerns of getting too comfortable only for one of their many issues to come and blow everything up in their faces, like how in a earlier lyric the relationship in the song is referred to as a cyclone, the fear is that it gets out of control, even if they know what they're doing, or trying to do.

'But you had told Lucy you'd kys if i ever leave, and i said the same to jack so i felt seen' - oh boy toxic co-dependency time. skk are so co-dependent it's literally insane, their lives often genuinely rest in each others hands, not even mentioning whatever the fuck went on in mersault. From Chuuya relying on Dazai to nullify corruption, to Chuuya being the reason Dazai decided to try living a little in 15, there have been multiple instances in which if it wasn't for the other they would be dead. They trust each other with their lives, and could very easily end up in a state where if one were to leave, the other would make an attempt on their own life (moreso dazai than chuuya, but it really could go either way).

'Everyone we know understands why it's meant to be, cause we're crazy, so tell me, who else is gonna know me?' - Anything else aside, skk are fucking insane. they deserve each other just so they don't bring danger to literally anyone else they interact with. They're insane, especially around/about each other, and again, they're the only ones who fully understand each other. Dazai is the only one left from during stormbringer as well, which is think is important to mention. Dazai was there during sb and the dragons head conflict, both times that Chuuya's friends were killed, if anyone was going to understand how he might have felt after that experience, or what happened, it would be Dazai. They understand each other in ways others would never manage.

'At dinner, you take my ring off my middle finger, and put it on the one people put wedding rings on, and that's the closest I've come to my heart exploding' - skk are literally married guys. dating six years, married four years, divorced eight times and broken up 52, but also never stopped dating and are best friends who plan how to kill the other for fun. They're married, but they're also not, but also their souls are tied together in ways not made for the human brain to comprehend. This feels very much like domestic skk fic interactions and i'm 100% here for it.

Anyway, this song is very skk coded and I love it so much, tell me why i spent an hour on this. I don't think this was what you were looking for but... this is what you got. If you want me to go through any other songs like this then i'll do it. I love skk and taylor swift so much i can't even think like im afaifiegbi im pretty sure taylor has a tumblr account so there is like a 0.0000001% she would see this and that has me... panicking but anyway :D i have lots of thoughts all the time and thank you for indulging me with this ask i NEEDED to get this out of my system before i exploded!!!

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s4turnzbarzzz · 9 months

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hey, i'm back!! sorry if this is annoying, but i REALLY loved your headcanons for donnie from my last request and I was wondering if you could write even more! i think i’ve always liked donnie growing up, i think i really just need someone who can balance out my energy lmao. you don’t have to if you don't want to, i just really loved your headcanons 🫶

updated request if you want to write more:

she loves fighting, loves working out, loud asf, short-tempered, blunt, sarcastic, cursed with resting bitch face, all that jazz. but, once you get to know her, she’s actually really funny and sweet. NEVER afraid to speak her mind, so she may come across as rude or sassy at times, but she never really means to be. DEFINITELY has ADHD and is on the autism spectrum. ❤️

im so happy you enjoyed my last tmnt mm post!!!! donnie is my absolute fave so im really excited i got to do another rq about him (i love donnie sm tbh,, its unhealthy atp)

Donnie (mutant mayhem) x hyper fem! reader

tw: none

youre both autistic so it evens everything out

hes done alot of research on how he can help you release all your energy while also maintaining his personal boundaries

when youre especially loud he communicates that and if its something you cant control hell put on his headphones and text you so you know hes not ignoring you but also keeping himself from getting overstimulated

he has a little bit of a resting bitch face too so he gets that even if you look upset youre not most of the time

hes usually pretty chill and is blessed with patience when it comes to you so its harder for him to make you lose your temper, even if its short

he will train with you (he just wants you to be able to get the fight out of your system for the day usually, especially if it helps you keep your temper in check)

he also works out with you alot so youre both pretty compatible when you train as well

he loves that youre blunt because it makes it easier for him to understand what you mean when youre talking to him

he struggles a bit with sarcasm at times but hes pretty good about it because he has three brothers

even though you seem mean, he knows that youre actually super soft and sweet inside and loves to death because of it

also a little extra because youre so sweet when sending in requests

he uses tone tags while texting and sometimes says them out loud because he uses them so much

you: "hey donnie i miss you"

him: "nuh uh joking"

you: "did you just use a tone tag while talking to me in person"

him:

he loves to listen to midwest emo music unironically, specifically the band the front bottoms

i headcanon that he smells like a mix of vanilla and sage with a hint of lavender

hes not a huge fan of physical contact but he doesnt mind it when its coming from you

it takes alot to get him overstimulated because he grew up with three brothers so hes more accustomed to chaotic environments

#donnie tmnt #donnie x reader #donatello x reader #donnie mm x reader #sfw #fem reader #donnie x fem reader

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cowboyjen68 · 7 months

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hi jen, i just followed you and this is really random but ive seen some of your posts helping younger people and it really struck a cord and i need to just let the words fall out of me.

ive been having issues with my girlfriend she cheated on me but this situation is very complicated and we're both fucked up people but i know she still loves me and i really love her. but my anxiety and our lack of communication is really bad right now and im so worried she might not love me the same anymore

ontop of this im 18 and for the past id say 5ish years my mental health and family life has been getting worse, getting diagnosis is hard especially with mentally ill and just overall bad parents that somehow dont understand or believe. i know im deppresed and have been i have anxiety, sever paranoia maybe bpd and bipolar and autism and everything is just so much. now the one person i had is something thats making everything hurt more and i just don't know where to go, im trying to get help but its so slow in this country and i feel so lost and tired i barely eat now and when i do its ether rare or unhealthy and everything is so much i want to collapse.

i hope this isn't to much to randomly send anonymously but you just seem really kind and helpful. thank u for your reply if you do

HI and please accept my apologies for the delay on answering this. I am sorry you are going through so much. My kids are adopted from foster care and I had many kids in my home for up to 5 years who eventually went back home. That is to say I have a lot of experience with mental illness, the systems that treat them, trauma and kids who came from unstable home lives.

At the ripe old age of 18 you have plenty of time to find love and contentment but right now might not be the time. I understand there might be odd circumstances that caused your girlfriend to cheat on you. If you feel betrayed and lost trust that is a feeling that is next to impossible to overcome for people with no comorbidities let alone a teen trying to figure herself out and deal with navigating the broken mental health/care system.

It is actually quite normal for young love to change and get redefined into friendship even when the circumstance are the best. Her cheating on you might very well be a sign that your relationship is in flux and not what you thought it was. A romance that has run its course is not a failure, relationships do not have to last forever to be important and real and worth having had.

It might be scary to think of not being with her, of not having your "one" person that you can count on but I do believe you can get farther working on yourself if you put time and energy into you and not dividing it up between you and her.

There is a lot of precedent set for women to set aside their romance and intimacy in order to be just friends while one or both does some work on herself. Sometimes it is necessary to stay involved for emotional support or financial support, that is just the reality of our world. Living single can be very difficult.

Please consider letting go of the relationship in its current form and putting your energy of yourself. Letting go of the stress of trying to repair what you had with her will remove so much pressure from you and from her that you will feel much more ready to tackle your mental state.

I promise. You are not a failure, she is not "the bad guy" in this story. Take all the wonderful things you shared with her keep those with you when you want a reminder that it loving her was worth your time even if it didn't end like you planned.

Seek mental health help but starting small. A therapist can help you begin to talk through things and often she can help you find additional resources like a medical Dr, public subsidies for insurance or free clinics to assist you in getting medication and mental health support. Most counties have a social services office and those employees are a wealth of information.

#mental health #lesbian #young love #stress #health #relationships

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theviridianbunny · 5 months

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i'm having the queer panic and i'm gonna yell for a moment

yeah life is too short for me to get all wrapped up in lables but this has been eating at me for weeks and i'm gonna yell for a moment. i'm feeling a lot right now and don't know how to talk to anyone irl abt this - so im screaming into the void... sorry this is such a mess.

all i know is that women are pretty and sometimes men are pretty but- they're usualy fictional (jackie welles cyberpunk 2077 and sangunius warhammer 40k im looking at you both in particualr) - i've known that for years. i've primaraly self id-d as a genderqueer lesbian since i was 17/18 - that label has always felt right - and it still feels right - even when i've dated men.

there's only been like one (1) guy irl i liked in recent years - we dated for a bit before he went off traveling. it was nice - it was cosy - but it just kinda felt like a friendship??? we both cared for each other and liked each other - yes - but to me - it felt like a super cosy friendship (plus smooches and hugs and hand holding and going on cosy dates to look at art??? ) - we were dating - but it was like a no lables no strings "just chill and vibe" kinda deal - which worked for us both.

yeah i thought he was pretty and kinda hot - but everything also felt so new and scary (maybe because i've never dated irl in my adult life)

I just saw him andwas like "wow you're pretty and cool and nice and i like you???? :) " and the more i think about it - the more i'm ripping my hair out because I can't comprehend romance - it baffles me to my very core - i find it so hard to differentiate romantic attraction and platonic attraction and also aesthetic attraction- maybe it's an autism thing???

starting to think i might be aroace - and a part of that is terrifying me (even tho deep down i know its not a bad thing) - i've only just come to terms with being ace - i will continue to sit with the feeling.

reminding myself it's ok. whatever happens - i'm ok , and will be ok.

#delete later bunny #bunny screams into the void

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minthara · 3 months

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really long personal answer to an anon i got. trigger warnings in the tags.

First of all i wanna apologise to everyone who follows me for the last few days lmao, but i feel like if i dont post about it im literally gonna kill myself. I need somewhere to write down my thoughts because i feel bad always going to the same 2 friends i still have and complain about the same situation again and again about a dude they dont even know that well.

Thank you so much for ur message really, and sorry if im gonna take it as another excuse to write down all my thoughts, but i think it will really help me.

So the pathetic thing. I didnt ever post about this and in real life i think only like. 3 people knew. But after we broke up i begged him for months to take me back. It really was pathetic. And when he called me pathetic i think he was just very very hurt, because that was the second time i broke up with him (just a few weeks ago). It was in the sense of me begging him for so long just to break up again a few months later. I feel fucking stupid even writing this. I spent about 10k euros trying to get away from him, it fucked up my life so massively that i lost a job i really loved over it.

And now my new job is about 5 minutes away from our old apartment and i think thats a huge reason why i cant get over it. Every day i walk past restaurants, the supermarkets, anything we went to together. I had to buy snacks for work today and just burst into tears in the fucking supermarket because we used to go there together. The people at work are always so appreciative bc i know the area so well but they dont know how much it fucking hurts me and its so stupid like. Should i just avoid that part of town forever??? No fucking get over it bitch like wtf its a fucking supermarket.

And it also hurts because i know i wasnt always perfect and there were many times i was super mean to him. But at a point i couldnt deal with his ADHD anymore and that sounds so shitty but im a super organised person to the point where sometimes i wonder if thers anything ocd related but i dont think so. In my head i swap between i have ocd, i have adhd, i have borderline, i have autism - i have no idea whats wrong with me, but the way i feel cant be normal. I know this because the way i behave isnt normal, i know i can come across as really strange, i cant judge social situations well and often dont know how to behave. But i constantly criticised him for symptoms of his mental illnesss.

But i never physically hurt him, and that was the last straw for me, why i left. I dont know how u can do that to a person you love.

And im just mourning the life i thought i was going to have so, so, so much. I know on tumblr ppl somehow think youre brainwashed when you want a traditional marriage and kids and stuff, but i really thought that was going to happen in the next 2 / 3 years, thats how i planned my life since i was fucking 21 and i met him. And now im almost 27, and i cant even go on dates because i cannot bear talking to new people because all i want is a clone of him but better.

I know i will look back at this and think “u cried about THAT guy???” in a few years, because thats how its always been in my life lol (except for one relationship, but were still really really best friends). I always think afterwards i will never love someone that much again. But it hits so much harder because it was such a serious relationship lol i really wanted to marry him. Sobs lol.

#asks #anonymous #abuse cw #suicide cw #i feel so much better after writing this down lol #blondshell salad on repeat if u know u know

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itsaspectrumcomic · 5 months

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this is kind of a vent and a bit of a silly rambled story (ooo story time! but feel free to ignore it if you want it wont bother me)

so i have been researching autism and adhd for roughly a year and a half now and its kinda become a special interest of mine (wild i know lmao) and its actually how i got my adhd diangosis! funnily enough the therapist who diagnosed me for adhd and evaluated me for asd was biased and had no knowledge about adhd or autism... :-] pained smile

(im afab and my sibling is amab and the comparisons between our assesments is insane. they got assesed easily but for me, the therapist was reluctant and judgemental. a great start i know /sarc)

anyway the therapist told me that i couldnt be autistic because even though i scored high, the test my PARENTS filled out for my childhood was very low. i wasnt even asked about my childhood experiences when it came back with a low score. i was just brushed off and told that it was only my adhd and that if i WAS autistic (which im not, according to her) that i would be "high functioning" and that "high functioning" people arent actually autistic. not word for word because i was half listening in shock but the general idea is still there. i have no clue how i even went to this woman tbh.

i have since made a list and included evidence for all the traits ive had since infancy but my parents 100% took the therapists word and are now completely convinced that there is zero chance that i can be on the autism spectrum. fun fact i think theyre both on the spectrum as well and ive talked to my sibling about it too. its wild lol

the thing is i keep going back and forth between denial and acceptance thinking i may be on the spectrum and ive had plenty of friends both professionally and self diagnosed tell me that i am on the spectrum but i cant help but accidentally find ways to invalidate myself and my experiences. i dont know if its worth it to get a professional diagnosis or to just exist as self diagnosed because they both have strong pros and cons. its all very confusing but i can wait 2 years until im a legal adult so i can at least try to get an assesment from a therapist who actually understands autism

i apologize for being so long winded and for any gramatical/spelling errors but i just wanted to thank you for making this blog in general. it feels very validating despite what other people and my negative thoughts try to say about my brain :-] i hope youre doing well !!

'"high functioning" people arent actually autistic'

UGH I hate that so much. I'm not really a fan of the the terms 'high functioning' and 'low functioning' anyway because it doesn't cover how autistic people can be really good at some things and struggle a lot with other things (also known as having a 'spiky profile') and just 'high' or 'low' doesn't properly take that into account, and then there's the whole questionable use of 'functioning' but that's a whole other discussion....

I'm sorry your parents aren't listening. Since autism can be genetic, it's fairly likely they are also on the spectrum and never noticed the traits when you were growing up because it all seemed normal to them.

It's a very personal decision whether or not to try for an official diagnosis, but whatever you decide is valid! The important thing is gaining self-acceptance and learning what works for you. Good luck and I'm so glad you're enjoying this blog :)

#ask #anon ask #long post #its a spectrum #autism diagnosis

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iameatingrocks · 5 months

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you know I’m a very “fuck cringe culture” kind of person but at the same time I find myself participating in. whenever I realize I’m doing it I feel so bad but I know why I’m doing it now I think.

It’s the fucking autism.

Whenever I engage in cringe culture it’s a form of masking. I’m replicating behaviors that have been inflicted on me about my similar interests.

so in the spirit of fuck cringe culture, here are some things that cringe culture hates that I absolutely love:

-having toys as an adult. I fucking love toys. lps are the cutest motherfuckers ever (except gen4-6, they are so flimsy and poorly made. Not cringe culture just literally poor execution. gen 1-3 & 7 my beloved)

-wonderwall. That song is so fucking good. I don’t care if it’s overdone on guitar. If I learn guitar again I’m learning wonderwall

-twilight. they are not perfect books by any means but my fucking god are they good. I love my shitty romance novels

-enjoying the current and past trends. I don’t need to be quirky or different or a contrarian, I can just enjoy shit.

-Justin Bieber. HIS EARLIER STUFF IS SO GOOD. I just listen to Maria a couple days ago and I stg it’s so so good. He made some absolute BANGERS. Other stuff is not my cup of tea tbh

-boy bands. *stares at trolls 3* you did this to me. THANK YOU TROLLS 3

-speaking of trolls 3, trolls franchise. that shit is SO good. broppy is so fucking cute and branch’s growth is so similar to mine that it hurts a bit. It’s such a good and underrated franchise.

-pop music. ITS NOT AS BAD AS PEOPLE MAKE IT OUT TO BE. It’s fun, it’s catchy, and damnit I like a fun and catchy song

-horse girls. y’all are cool as fuck.

-being different than other people. yes I am not like other girls. and that’s good! Being different is being human, and it’s good to acknowledge your differences

-liking shopping or being pretty. I am hot and I am funny and goddamnit I like to get new clothes

-liking “cringy” artists. Oh nooooo I like this person’s music— oh they’re cringe? I am SOOOOO sorry girl. Womp womp suck it up

-talking about my autism or queerness often. It’s a part of me and I will not ignore it.

-using neopronouns. that shit is SO much fun and so gender affirming

-enjoying “cringy” media and/or fandoms. I need silly media to be able to enjoy life

-enjoying fucking romcoms? I guess? Angst is not epitome of art. It is the gentle mornings, the bright laughter it’s to chaos, its mystery, it’s the intrigue, it’s the pain, it’s the sorrow, and it is the recovery. The epitome of art is being human, and the epitome of being human is being art.

-being overdramatic, philosophical, or deep. I’m allowed to feel deeply and fully and if you can’t handle it then you have some work you need to do

-complimenting myself. I think I’m hot, and I’m funny, and I’m kind, and im smart, and I deserve good things

-more things I can’t think of

#cringe culture #fuck cringe culture #trolls 3 #romcoms #music #art #text post #If there any mistakes in this I’m very sleepy and i desperately needed to get this thought out before i slept #my apologies gay people #actually autistic #actuallyautistic

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circular-bircular · 7 days

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hello! im currently questioning whether I am disordered or not. I was wondering if you would be willing to share your experiences if you're comfortable or maybe share some good resources about what its like being disordered because im really lost rn. this blog is great btw! take care of yourself <3

Hey there! Glad you enjoy my blog, sorry it took a bit to get to this. This is the first night in like a month that I have any free time whatsoever (and that's cause I'm putting off grades, lol...)

I hope you don't mind a bulletpointer on this one!

Disordered experiences...

Firstly, I cannot overstate how fucking everything about me is impacted by trauma. Physical health? I get sick more often because my body has fought as hard as it has to survive -- it's an actual thing that traumatized people get physically sick more often. Mental health? Shit. Depression's comorbid, anxiety is comorbid, and I've even seen discussions about the connections between autism and DID, and those two do not mix well in me. All of my everything is constantly fucked.

I cannot goddamn sleep. Sleep is a goddamn hellscape. I run from somewhere between 2 to 6 hours of sleep most nights, and have to take plenty of naps just to survive. That makes it next to impossible some days to get the energy I need, or if I did get enough nappies, to get the free-time I need.

In terms of my actual DID... Amnesia is the biggest one. I constantly have gaps. I have to write every single thing down. I have plenty of accomodations, sure! But even those fail from time to time, and then it's just a spiral. Like, today at work, I had a surprise meeting I did not write down, because I just forgot to. I forgot about the meeting until 10 minutes prior, when I got an alert in my email about it. This meant I skipped lunch, and had to try and focus without having eaten since 9am. This made my day harder, which led to...

Dissociation!!! God fuck. It's so hard to focus sometimes. I am so spaced out. Today was one of those days where I had to cling to my phone for survival and grounding. Not the healthiest coping mechanism, but it's better to be writing posts on tumblr during class than forgetting I'm in class at all. And none of the kids snitch on me -- just get a little pissy if I don't call on them quickly enough.

Trauma flashbacks. Ough. If I get stuck in one, goodbye ability to think for awhile. It's been happening more and more frequently at work lately, so there goes my 30 minute lunch spent in the bathroom forgetting I exist because I feel like I'm going to my parents house after school.

That ties into paranoia. I have to convince myself more often than not that, when I get home, my abusers won't be there. I'm 26 and haven't directly lived with them in 3 years, and I cut them off close to a year ago. I still wake up thinking they're breaking in.

That's about all I can think off quick, off the top of my head. Basically... owie owie my brain is a big ol bruise.

#syscourse #asks #anon #blurry #Not sure who helped write this #I think #kitty caught the rabbit #armageddon comes while I'm sleeping

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