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feroluce · 29 days

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Lucid Dreamer (1/2)

part 2

Gepard notices that it's been. Quiet lately. Like weirdly quiet. TOO quiet. He hasn't seen Sampo Koski in almost a week, which is about the longest he's ever been absent. And he is NOT worried. He's not! So what if they've been getting along more lately! So what if Gepard sometimes looks for him in his favorite hiding places! So what if he's been dreaming about blue hair and green eyes! It's nothing!!

But they're….strange, these dreams. Gepard doesn't usually remember what he's dreamt. It's out of his mind seconds within waking up. But these stick with him, they won't leave him be, they feel different somehow.

He dreams of Sampo bringing food to the frontlines and eating breakfast in his tent with him. Sampo always sneaks him extras. He dreams of chasing Sampo through the alleyways, Sampo sometimes letting himself be caught, Gepard sometimes catching him, and trying to ignore how it feels more like a game now more than anything else. He even dreams that Sampo tags along with him on one of his few civilian days. Sampo runs errands with him, prattles about inane bullshit while Gepard picks out groceries for the week, drags Gepard into some bakery he's never been to but he thinks Serval mentioned once.

And sometimes, it feels so close to reality, that Gepard half expects to see Sampo, shamelessly swaggering into the frontlines with all the guards' breakfast like his wanted poster wasn't only recently taken off the walls of Belobog. He's disappointed when it's always someone else instead. He tells himself his disappointment is ridiculous and if Sampo wants to go prowl around the Snow Plains or wherever he is, then fine. It's not any of his business.

…But it IS his job to investigate any unusual criminal activity relating to the frontlines. And the frontlines are Sampo's usual haunting grounds, and this is unusual activity, and Sampo IS technically a criminal, so it is absolutely part of his duty to look into this - is what Gepard tells himself the entire tram ride down into the Underground.

Natasha tells him he's gone, and Gepard has to steel himself. He knew Sampo made enemies wherever he went, there are a lot of people who would love his head on a platter, but he didn't think-

Natasha corrects him that she means literally gone. As in off-planet. Sampo always leaves her a note before he goes anywhere, so she knows not to expect any supply runs from him. He should be back in exactly two weeks. Thank the Preservation.

Gepard goes back home. He waits.

The uneasiness doesn't leave him.

"Where did you go?" Sampo stops dead in the middle of some story about Seele, and how you'd think someone with as blunt a mouth as her wouldn't have so much trouble asking a woman out, even if that woman IS the Supreme Guardian, and stares at him. He nearly fumbles his cigarette.

"Ahaha, what do you mean, I'm right here?" Sampo smiles at him the same way he always does. Gepard has no idea why he asked. It just popped out. He can never tell when Sampo is lying, anyway.

"I don't know. I feel like I haven't seen you in a long time." Gepard idly mouths at his own cigarette. He almost never smokes, but he wants to ration their stocks of Blizzard Immunity, and it helps with the cold. It's seemed colder lately, for some reason.

Gepard flicks his lighter once, twice, sighs at the third time because a metal prosthetic and thick gloves make the damn things so difficult. Sampo reaches over and wordlessly kisses the end of his cigarette to Gepard's, lighting it. "Thank you."

Nothing happens for almost a full 30 seconds. Something churns behind Gepard's ribcage. Because Sampo never leaves a "thank you" hanging. This is the part where he gives his spiel about how helpful and kind he is and Gepard either brings up how long his rap sheet was before Bronya helped clear his name, or just stares deadpan because seeing Sampo squirm is weirdly satisfying.

"…I'll be back in one more week."

Gepard jolts awake in his cot, mouth dry and eyes bleary.

The hell.

The next dream he has, Sampo looks tired. Sometimes he seems normal. Sometimes he says strange things, like how he wishes he'd gone to some restaurant in Belobog. Ate his favorite food more recently. Brought something with him. Gepard asks why he can't do that now. Where would he bring something? Sampo only shrugs. His rebuttals have less energy.

Gepard doesn't know if he wants to dream more, or less.

He ticks down the days on his calendar. Natasha hasn't told him any different. She promised she would if she got any kind of message. Sampo returns tomorrow, from whatever vacation or seedy business dealings he's been off having. He is not excited about it. He is not looking forward to it. He's not!!

Gepard falls asleep late that night, unable to settle. He dreams again.

He's alone. There are tons of people everywhere, the frontlines are always crowded. But he's alone. They all pass right by him as though he were a ghost. Gepard starts to walk before he realizes his feet are even moving.

He checks the trashcans in the dead end alley. He checks the supply crates that someone always stacks too high because they don't feel like finding more space for them. He pauses to check the soldiers that march past him, watching their footprints in the snow.

He finally finds Sampo on the rooftop along the northernmost wall, the one that looks out over the plains, towards Everwinter Hill, towards where the Stellaron had once been kept. With a full moon and an entire land of white snow, Gepard can almost see clear out to the horizon.

"Found you." Sampo stiffens, and Gepard is almost prepared for him to sprint off the roof. He doesn't. But he doesn't relax either. Gepard sits down next to him and stares out at the wastelands.

"…I fucked up." It wasn't what Gepard had been expecting. Sampo never 'fucks up,' Sampo just gets into incidents that are entirely, supposedly, not his fault and that he just happens to always be within the vicinity of.

"What did you do now?" It must be really bad if Sampo is coming to the Silvermanes for protection.

Instead, Sampo ignores his question completely. "See out over there? Right on the other side of that mountain. There's a safe house that way. It's hidden under a lot of snow and dead trees, but it's there. And in that safe house is a box full of letters. I need you to deliver those letters for me."

Gepard's brow furrows. It's a weird favor to ask. Sampo would never tell anyone where his hidden safehouses were. It defeated the whole purpose of a hidden safe house.

Something is wrong, something is really really wrong.

Gepard turns back to look at him again and startles, all of his questions dying in his throat, because the entire left side of Sampo's head is suddenly matted down, dark and sticky, his skin is dyed red red red-

"In three more months, there's gonna be something big happening." Gepard grabs Sampo's hand and it feels slick and warm against his palm. "I won't be here. So I need you to do my end of things for me." Gepard tries to keep hold, but something is fading, something is slowing, the sun is coming up but the colors are all wrong, everything feels like encroaching fog, Sampo's hand slides right through his. "I was gonna come back with my mask to finish setting the stage, but…" Gepard makes a frantic grab for Sampo's wrist, the air twists, he comes back empty-handed. "They have you. And you're the Iron Wall of Belobog. So it'll be ok."

Gepard finally manages to find his grip, snatches the front of Sampo's dark wet jacket and yanks him forward to hold onto him, and this close up, he can see it better, his colors are bleaching out, leaking outside the lines as if Sampo will become part of the background, as if he's fading into the strange fog that's been closing in on them. His fingers are already starting to feel empty again.

"Wake up."

Gepard jolts awake, uncurls his hands from where they're fisted in the blanket, scrubs the dampness off his face. Breathes. Breathes. Breathes. Today is supposed to be the day.

He throws on his civilian clothes, and he goes down to the shipyard the IPC had built. He finds a spot where he can see every person that returns to Belobog, and he waits.

And he waits and he waits and he waits.

No one he recognizes appears.

#sampard #gepo #hsr gepard #hsr sampo #gepard landau #sampo koski #honkai star rail #hsr #blood #my fics #lucid dreamer #there was more to this but it didn't feel right included here so part 2 tomorrow maybe?#I just think Penacony being the land of dreams presents some FASCINATING possibilities like showing up in other people's dreams #the end of masquerade duet killed me just beat me dead #Sampo going through all this trouble just to protect Belobog...#poor Ray got such an earful that night haha #In the Penacony dreamscape someone can change their appearance however they want but I think in this case where one of the dreamers AREN'T-#-on Penacony it would take more concentration to keep that illusion up #and if someone were say. hurt and badly bleeding. it would start to fall apart eventually as they lost their concentration.#but oh my heart #Sampo being away and missing Belobog so badly he shows up in his friends' dreams just to do the same mundane shit they always do...#He probably showed up to everyone #he sat around and kept Natasha company in her clinic. he pestered Seele until he provoked her into asking Bronya on a date.#he played one last song with Pela and Serval. he told them he'd always kept his old bass guitar.#he took Hook out on one last joyride on his scooter and he even let her sit up front and steer like she'd always wanted.#and he stood around to shoot the shit with Gepard #he got to go do things like run domestic errands together with him. as if they could have been something more than what they were at the en #it was nice to get the chance to do all that #it was nice

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thefirstlioveyou · 4 months

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rant in tags

#why do bylertwt love provoking melvins and act surprised that they get a response #the melvins on twitter are braindead dont get me wrong #but like dont u guys actually wanna enjoy byler #twitter isnt the type of platform to use tags much #but they use the word mileven and end up surprised why milevens found their post #i like it here because i can make opinions without arguing with another person you know #but why are they harassing someone rn likee #twitter will always be twitter #rant

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ahurumustdie · 2 months

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i want to scream

#and maybe provoke someone into beating the shit out of me #i hate being mentall ill <3 hate wanting to die all the time <33 its like theres nothing i can do it get all this shit out of me #raahh

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honestlyvan · 8 months

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Thinking about image model generated art and gifmaking is giving me some weird vibrations about how there really is some weird association of the virtuesvirtues of a medium with the virtues of the people working in it. Gifmaking being associated with KPop fans doesn't make the concept of frame interpolation racist, and someone marketing themselves as a cheaper alternative to some other artist doesn't make the concept of generative art inherently class antagonistic.

It's somehow reminiscent of CJ the X's distinction between "stupid art" and "evil art", how a medium that has a low skill floor can produce things that are very stupid and easy to perceive as low-effort but how that's not the same as them having something wrong with them. If you look at my animation tag, most of it is motion graphics done with AfterEffects, and while it's probably wrong to call it a low skill floor program the way an AI art generator is... there is still a world where instead of programmatically telling shapes to whizz by on a screen, a different Van would have drawn those same animations frame by frame, producing exactly the same animation.

And I don't think the fact that I did them programmatically somehow invalidates the artistic intent that went into them, y'know? I could open AE right now and produce a 250x250 looping gif of clouds and while I know how to do that quick, to make it look good and to make me like it, I would have to spend time considering how the various elements, colours, timings and whatever the particle system/noise generator I use spits out fit together. I would have to fiddle with seeds and levels and timings to make it look good. I would have to spend a long time just staring and thinking about what I'm making before I could make it good.

I don't know enough about generative art tools to know how much fiddling goes into them once they're taught and ready to go, but I do know enough about deep learning to know it's a haphazard, frustrating process that you as the artist have only limited control over, which is why it doesn't appeal to me. But I have made gifs in the past, and I know how that process requires an eye for consistency and composition, framing and colour that a lot of other visual artists don't have because they're not working with time as one of the creative dimensions.

And like... who am I, from my high horse as someone in possession of these skills, to tell someone who is still developing these skills or who has a different aesthetic concept of what is good than me, what they're making is low-effort. That's not my judgement to make. I didn't make it. Only the artist themselves can say if somehing was low-effort or not. I don't see why I should have so little faith in other artists to assume they have no interest in putting in any effort.

#van stuff #and if someone only wants to use their artistic drive to make things #with as little energy as they can #that's a valid artistic goal too #why do writers sometimes do drabbles?#why do incredible visual artists post loving renderings of memes?#why do people meme on their own work?#Everyone has art in them #sometimes we have art that exceeds our creative stamina #and sometimes we have art that uses only a fraction of our power #and I think comparing the two is #like #... like you sound kind of fascist. You sound like people to this day being mad about the Fountain #Nobody is expected to like any art #God knows most AI stuff does literally nothing for me other than provoke a deep discomfort #something trying that hard to mimic reality just sets off my unreality sensors #but whether we like something #and whether effort went into it #and whether something is comparatively better than some other thing #are three different conversations

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craycraybluejay · 10 months

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Boring, overused, old, doesn't ask anything important, implies bestiality: would you still love me if I was a worm? 🥺

Creative, underexplored, new, asks a thought-provoking question about loyalty and values, states a moral dilemma: would you still love me if I committed directly harmful and immoral crimes? What are the limits of that love?

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fauslayer · 3 months

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why is it always the utena themed blogs that clog up the umineko search with the worst possible liveblog posts. like i get it erika furudo you cant read but do you have to make it my problem. i keep having to block them.

#me when im in a media literacy contest against someone that read one massively layered thing at some point in their life #and subsequently decided they were too smart to ever read again #first it was the one that kept loudly accusing rosa of sexually assaulting her daughter every other post #then its the one that kept being incredibly cruel to the servants because they just decided they were guilty immediately #then its the one complaining abt episode 6 after they admitted they forgot about one of the main plot points of episode 5 #as well as the actual setup for almost every important part in episode 6. from somehow missing the detective subplot #to not even understanding how the logic error worked. like are you fucking stupid? how do you AND your dumbass followers BOTH miss that #and why do I HAVE TO SEE IT when im LOOKING FOR FANART AND ACTUAL THOUGHT PROVOKING POSTS!! get out of my face #sorry willard h wright did smth to me and now ppl with poor media literacy being annoying esp during the answer arcs makes me evil.

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daydreamerdrew · 3 months

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The Incredible Hulk (1968) #268 and #272

#this is exactly something that Bruce said he did not want #and now that he’s got it he’s reveling in it #he doesn’t necessarily want to end the fight quickly because he’s enjoying having all of the Hulk’s power under his control #which reminds me of Bruce’s first encounter with Sasquatch #where Walter purposely provoked Bruce into transforming so that he could see which of them was stronger #his attitude was disconnected from the serious reality of the situation and ultimately endangered an innocent bystander #and the situation with the Wendigo where Bruce and Walter just has to keep him subdued for awhile #until the superhero that can cure him of the curse gets there was reminiscent to me of Bruce’s current ‘cure’ situation #which at this point has surprisingly worked a little after the fact #but back when Bruce was working on it and it was being discussed by the cast #the idea was raised by Rick Jones that it’s unfair to the Hulk that they were trying to erase his existence #without even asking him what he thought about this cure #which is not something that Bruce or Betty would ever really consider themselves #the Wendigo being cured stands in contrast because it’s less ambiguous because he doesn’t have distinct characteristics like the Hulk does #and also he eats people #the first time the Hulk fought the Wendigo what happened was he was somehow telepathically connected to the human man #who was still in the early stage of being transformed and so still had someone separate awareness of what was happening #and disapproval of it #and the Hulk became upset on his behalf at the Wendigo for making that man do terrible things that he hated #without ever recognizing the similarity between that and his and Bruce’s situation #which seems relevant to me in Bruce’s current lack of sympathy for the Hulk’s desire to live #marvel #bruce banner #walter langkowski #my posts #comic panels

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kingofattolia · 2 years

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first of all the amount of hugs in this episode alone? possibly unsurpassed in any star wars medium ever. second of all? exquisite

#someone pls pull out tcw and swr receipts and prove me wrong #i wrote this way too broadly on purpose #star wars #because i don't have the time to do my own hug comparison spreadsheet rn #so my only recourse is provoking others to content #obi wan show #obi wan #kenobi spoilers #spoilers #HE HUGGED LEIA TWICE!!!!#AND HE HUGGED ///BAIL///#i was literally on the edge of my seat to see if he would 😭#grace for ts

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butchvoid · 8 months

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love love love the fact that there's gonna be a "protect the children" rally lead by actual neo nazis and someone on the school board. especially love that it's gonna be right fucking outside my house!

#the local pride board has asked that people not counter protest which fine. I get that they don't want violence and want to solve this #through the proper channels or w/e but I just.#I know if I were to counter protest I would physically attack someone. probably the first person to provoke me.#I wish murder were legal I think we can do without these kinds of people.

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dueling-jesters · 8 months

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I beg y'all to read the article I reblogged yesterday. I've never read something written about svs that displayed such a deep understanding of the comics as this one does. There's plenty of fantastic commentary in it, and many great points are made.

#they understand the art better than anyone in the fandom seems to.#no hate to the fandom though. that includes me as well lol.#also better than much of the wider audience.#this doesnt have much to do with the article but whenever i hear someone refer to “the bad spy” i feel a little sick to my stomach #like. which one the “the bad one”?! how could you misinterpret the core message this much #i also feel a little guilty making fan work that is mostly self-serving... idk how much that violates the original intention of the work #or to what extent does it contribute to the disrespect and misappropriation #as said yesterday the article was incredibly thought provoking

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obeetlebeetle · 2 years

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trying to crack ep3 is SO hard. wuvvy. hob. what is going on in ur little heads

#like the best i can get at for wuvvy is #1) she doesnt smell smoke and thinks of hob as a person who gave rue cause to write their letter / led them on #2) she DOES smell smoke and realizes hob could pull rue away from their role (destabilizing/dismantling her role) so she tries to deter him #3) same as 2 but she is genuinely trying to kill him?#4) she is wounded by rue but sublimates her anger through hob as the cause of their actions towards her #5) she is wounded by rue bc she is suddenly aware that they are capable of seeking something else and she acts on impulse to hold them back #5.5) i have to think shes acting on impulse. wuvvy is calculating but not like this #6) she is wounded bc she is rue's protector and she does not know how to protect them #and 7) hob really pissed her off in that conversation #knick is both harder and easier to understand #my guess is: he wanted to apologize to rue earlier but chose not to out of fear of being scorned by his superiors #and now wuvvy appears to demonstrate the failure of that choice and the apparent worsening of rue's injury #he is guilty but then cannot get wuvvy to provide a path for remediation and hob NEEDS someone else to tell him what to do #how to resolve the guilt #bc if someone gives him the structure by which to act no one can blame him for doing it wrong #instead wuvvy insists on the guilt. perhaps she sees him as a rake perhaps a political enemy perhaps a threat of a more personal nature--#--she thinks he mocks her. she mocks him. it hurts. he chooses the only structure he knows which is satisfaction through violence #but i dont know what provoked them. why either of them react so so strongly and why the scene escalates so quickly #so uh if u have some answer for me.... hmu

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revasserium · 1 year

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Not a request, just wanted to say that I am SO SO happy that you’re back! Your writing always has me sobbing internally because you are so TALENTED 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

ahh thank you darling <3 that's so sweet of you! ppl like u give me The Strength tBH

anon: I’m so happy to see you back 💜💜💜You were the first tumblr I followed when i joined in the early stages of the pandemic and to this day i still come back to reread your work. I hope you’ve been well! 🌸

I've been so well! :) im glad that i came back and honestly, i'd come and re-read some of the things people sent these past three years sand they've gotten me through more than i can say <3

EHAT THE FUCK I JUST READ UR NARUTO KISSING HEADCANNONS AND FJSJAKSJAHAJAJDJAJA IM SO 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 IM IN LVOE WITH HIM THEY WERE SO GOOOOOOOD

LMAO THANK YOU!!!

Your way with words is just *chefs kiss* Absolutely phenomenal 😌

U__U <3

It is always lovely to see you pop up on my dash! I hope you’ve been doing well :)

thank you!!!

#anon love #<3 #sometimes i keep the sweetest messages in my inbox just so i can save them for a rainy day haha #i dont think ppl realize how much it makes my day (or any writers day for that matter) when someone responds #in any kind of way -- whether it be in tags or replies or with a message or an IM #bc sure; it's nice to say that “you write for yourself” -- and it's true #i do write for me; i write the things that i'd like to read or that make me happy #but the motivation and happiness it brings to know that just ONe other person; let alone hundreds sometimes!!!;#has read something uve written and was touched or moved or even provoked by it #that's something outside of pure “i do this for me” bc sure; i write these fics for me;#but listen!!! i wrote them for you too!! yes you!! reading this right now! you!#🌧 raindrops

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coquelicoq · 1 year

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for the asks, what about your worst secondary teacher, your first heartbreak, and your favourite fictional villain?

fuck, marry, kill but instead it’s get them randomly assigned as your lab partner for a whole semester, get trapped with them on a broken elevator for ten hours, and they’re your employee trainer for your new job at McDonalds

this was tough! just to figure out who each of those people would even be. like if heartbreak is a person, i think technically my first heartbreak (and probably also my third) is...me. lol. but let's go with the first person i fell in love with because i broke my own heart when i broke up with her. for the teacher i'm gonna say my choir teacher in high school, who docked my grade because i "don't smile when [i'm] not happy," something i have nursed a deep and abiding resentment over ever since my mom told me about it after parent-teacher night. and for favorite fictional villain i will select gaius baltar of battlestar galactica.

immediate thought is that the choir teacher CANNOT be my mcdonald's trainer. if i don't smile enough for choir, just imagine what he would have to say about me in a service labor environment. NO THANK YOU. but i don't really love the idea of either of the other two scenarios with him either. i was thinking yesterday about how awful it would suck to be stuck in an elevator with someone who needed to fill the silence if that someone had a tin ear, so maybe i'll go with elevator for the choir teacher. at least if he passes the time by singing, i know he'll be good at it.

gaius baltar is a scientist, but i think he would consider lab so far beneath him he might just pretend to have done the experiments and never actually show up. he is always ready to fudge lab results, which would keep me up nights. i do not think that has the makings of a successful partnership. baltar as my mcdonald's trainer though has the potential to be hilarious. he's such a rat bastard, i'd love to see him try to explain to someone how to follow instructions he's probably only aware of insofar as he needs to know what they are so he can flout them. i think that would be very entertaining. that said, if anything goes wrong (which it probably will, as i've just been hired and don't know what i'm doing), he is 100% leaving me out to dry. but i feel like my fellow coworkers would be expecting this and would take me under their wing. we would bond over what a deadbeat turncoat he is.

so this means i'm lab partners with the girl i broke up with. okay, not fabulous. the thing is though that she and i have been...trying to reconnect recently? it's been awkward and emotionally fraught, but we are doing it. we actually have a scheduled weekly phone call lol, so we're already communicating on a regular ongoing basis, as we would need to do as lab partners. one might even say we currently are partners in a lab of ~relationship repair~ and ~emotional maturity~. i saw her in person last week and we made a great team in the grand experiment of Keeping Her Toddler From Being Eaten by a Dog And/Or Falling Into a Ravine. after that, normal lab is basically a cake walk.

#i originally said normal lab would be a walk in the park but we literally went on a walk in the literal park the other day so that seemed #backwards lol #if you think this all sounds cuckoo trust me. you are not alone in this.#i don't know what i'm doing. she doesn't know what she's doing. it's all very experimental #she suggested couples therapy for us the other day and i honestly do not know if she was joking. i hope she was but i suspect she was not #i am doing my best i am showing up i am trying to do the work but i don't think i'm ready for couples counseling with someone who is #a) married and b) not to me #ANYWAY.#asks #anon #thanks for the ask anon! very thought-provoking <3

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