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onlycrumbss · 7 months

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I wanna post some health and appearance tips because I seen someone else on my tumblr do it.

These are actually mind blowing tips that I’ve tried and tested, actually have science behind them, and make the overall process much easier, i may not have alot of followed and it’s pretty long but please read because these are actually some revolutionary tips like the type of tips that people gatekeep. But that’s not me

Some of these products might be expensive/out if the way I’m sorry, I’m 19 and live alone have been working full time since I was young. I don’t have tips for hiding anything though since I live alone and when I was at home my family never really cared anyways these are mainly tips on how to upkeep your looks while restricting so that way you can look healthy while getting skinny, but I do have some prouducts that will raise less suspicion for anyone who lives at home still.

✨ Tried and tested ✨

Hair~

Hair breaks when you’ve been restricting for a long time but these products have really helped and now I don’t have split ends. Their fine hair friendly as well, just remember shampoo your roots and only condition and oil your ends

Olaplex conditioner and the Olaplex hair oil

shea moisture Manuka honey and manfura oil intensive conditioner

Amika soulfood deep conditioner

Any shampoo with rosemary (makes your hair thicker and has been proven to be as effective as rogaine)

Tessa peays (you can find her on tiktok and YouTube) hair oil recipe and hair oil routine

Body care~

Skin gets really dry sooo

Olay body washes (literally any kind will work their so hydrating, they have a niacinimide one which works to brighten up your skin)

Any lotion with Vaseline in it (Vaseline will lock all moisture in and is the most effective humectant on the market. I don’t recommend using straight Vaseline Vaseline though because that will get all stick, just use a Vaseline brand lotion)

Body scrub once a week

Skincare~

Moisturizer. When your restricting you need to invest in a moisturizer, keep your skin hydrated

Sheet masks 1x a week. I like to use ones that are specifically food themed cuz in my head it’s giving my skin the nutrients I don’t wanna give to myself

My favorite kinds are: the tony Molly “I am-“ ones. Mediheal placenta sheet mask (my skin litterally glows after the placenta one) innisfree honey sleeping mask

I don’t recommend doing diy skincare but the only thing I will ever recommend along the lines of diy skincare is a honey and avacado face mask, makes my skin so hydrated and plump

Foods~

(Some of these might be a fear food for alot and can be a little calorie dense but they help with your appearance)

Berries: especially blueberries and strawberries (have highest antioxidants, which help your apperance)

Cherry and pomegranate juice (antioxidant thing I mentioned above)

Avacados and chia seeds (kinda high in calories I know! But they have lots of omegas and healthy fats and chia seeds are full of omegas and proteins, these will keep your skin dewy and keep your hair nice, chia seeds will also keep you feeling fuller for longer and are a natural laxative)

Eggs: protien+good for your hair

Health in general+ weight~

Quit nicotine. I know that nicotine is like a staple in our community and I myself and on my journey of trying to quitting smoking but after years it catches up to you, and it causes acne. If your not eating your body isn’t going to put that nutrients to upkeeping your face, I already have faint smokers lines around my lips. plus it makes working out easier

(If ur a girl/have female parts) you need to get a probiotic in and get regularly tested for bv and ye⭐️ast infections. You will be prone to bv and yeast “imbalances” while starving and they can cause a lot of problems from stomach bloating to lack of desire and pain and a lot of times are asymptomatic. This happened to me and caused alot of mental anguish because the pain made me question my gender identity and the bloating made the mental aspect of my e d worse and I didn’t even have any symptoms

Don’t use miralax, it’s really bad for you. Drink senna tea, it’s less suspicious and actually works faster and better than laxatives. Plus it doesn’t destroy your organs like miralax

Don’t use trendy diet pills. If your going to take anything get “Garcinia Cambodia” supplement and take it with an apple cider vinegar supplement. Get the acv pills instead of drinking actual acv becsuse it’s better on your teeth (have to be taken together, a study was done on this combination plus it’s been really helping me)

Fast instead of ⭐️ve: I’m not going to get too deep into the science of it all because I’m bad with my words and explaining but basically when your restricting I t’s actually more harmful to your metabolism, makes you crave more food and makes your hungrier making everything harder because that’s what actually puts your body into starvation mode is a constant input of extremely few calories. When your fasting your body goes into “modes” that are actually benifical to your body,metabolism, cravings and feelings of hunger. When you focus more on not eating anything for a long period of time (fasting) vs “I can only have x calories today so I’m gonna eat x and x and x” -(restricting), you’ll find it makes you not only loose weight faster but also make it feel easier

Which is why I see a lot of ppl on here say things like “I can fast so easily but restricting is so hard” well that’s because there’s literally a science to it. And a little secret, after you do general fasting a few days (not for days straight but more so one meal a day like 24 hour fasts and 16+odd hour fasts) it gets easy. It is litterallt so much easier than plain restricting

Take collegen supplements if it’s something your not afraid of because their very good for supple skin and also for hair as well recent studies and random experiments I’ve seen on YouTube have shown

Take biotin~ for your hair

Drink “sparkling ice” drinks. They 5 Cals and have vitamin B’s which are good for your metabolism

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I will be adding anytning I might’ve forgotten becayse I kinda rushed this because I rlly wanted to share all of these with everyone in the community after I got inspiration from the post I saw earlier. Feel free to comment or dm me any questions about the products and the sciences

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lotanxiety · 7 months

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Ballsy

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem reader

Summary: Your alter ego does something you always dreamed of but never had the balls to do. Let’s just say it leads to something great😈

Warnings: Shower sex, SMUT, NSFW 18+, slight breading, oral (female receiving), praise

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You grew up a hunter and crossed paths with Sam and Dean ages ago. Since you were around their age, you guys hit it off well and stayed in touch over the years. Soon after the boys had moved into the bunker, you did another hunt with them and mentioned you didn’t have a permanent home either and they graciously offered for you to stay with them! It’s now been 8 months of living with Sam and Dean. For the most part, it’s all great despite your hopeless crush on the eldest brother. You and Sam were best friends, and you and Dean had a weird, complicated friendship. You could never read him. Sometimes he would be flirty with you, giving you hope that something could happen, but then he would bring a girl home from the bar, breaking your heart a little more each time.

For the past two weeks, however, Dean has been extra flirty with you. He enjoyed making you blush and making inappropriate jokes at the worst times to embarrass you. This morning at breakfast, you sat across from Dean. While you both ate bacon, he kept watchful eyes on your every movement and when you’d make eye contact, he would wink at you or raise his eyebrows up and down. It made you giggle. You particularly loved when Dean was in a flirty mood, soaking up any and all attention from him before it would be gone.

You were pacing the floor in your room, thinking about the advice Charlie had given you.

“Just pretend you’re someone else and make a move.” Charlie said earlier in the week.

“I can’t do that, what if he doesn’t feel the same. It would ruin the whole dynamic. I’d have to move out and then go back to crappy motels and eat diner food all the time and-“ you rambled on.

“Y/N, please. Dean has had eyes for you for like… ever. Why else would he flirt with you like that? You can do it, just create an alternate version of yourself. She can have a new name and all the personality traits you want to have.” Charlie said.

“I don’t know, this feels kind of dumb”

“Just do it. Introduce yourself to me as the new you.”

“…um hi my name is-“

“Oh absolutely not, more confidence. Say it like you’re the queen of LARPing” Charlie states.

You clear your throat and try to push away any resistance that you normally would have. Right now you’re not Y/N, you’re Tessa; a smart, sexy, confident chick who goes and gets what she wants. You switch into this alter ego as best as you can and confidently say with some sultry in your voice, “Hi Charlie, I’m Tessa.”

“Much better. You got this, just go for it!”

I can do this. I just have to go for it. No fear. Well lots of fear, but fake it til you make it, right? Walking out of your room, you head for Dean’s bedroom. As you near the door, your heart races. The sound of the shower comes to your attention. “Oh shoot, of course once I muster up the courage to do this, he’s in the shower” you whisper to yourself, rolling your eyes. Then a thought crosses your mind. What would Tessa do? Walk right in there and take what she wants. Am I actually going to do this?

You open the door and enter Dean’s room, heart beating so loudly you were sure it was audible for the whole bunker to hear. You come to the bathroom door and knock so quietly that Dean doesn’t hear you. You take the opportunity to pause and get into character. You knock a second time, this time he hears you.

“Who is it?” Dean calls out behind the sound of water hitting the floor.

“It’s me” you shout back.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” Dean asks from behind the door.

“Can I come in?” You ask. Despite wanting to walk in there, you obviously want to ask for consent.

“I- I’m kind of showering” Dean says thrown off by your question.

“I know” You retort back, lacing your voice with undertones.

Dean blinks under the running water, realizing what’s going on. “Come on in, sweetheart” he says. You open the door, trying to not let your fear show on your face, but the second you see his naked body dripping wet under the water, you’re sure your face falters. Without saying a word, you start stripping off your clothes. Dean watches in shock of the sight in front of him. Once your clothes are nothing but a pile in the floor, you stand in front of each other, both breathing kind of heavy but not saying a word.

“Y/N, what are you doing?” Dean asks cautiously.

“Making a move” you say more confident that you thought possible with a smirk on your face. You slowly close the gap between the two of you. Deans eyes are dark with lust.

“Are you sure this is something you want?” He says, his voice much deeper than before. You nod your head as you look at him with your doe eyes.

“Words, sweetheart” he urges.

“Yes” you say breathless, now an inch away from him. With that confirmation, he quickly closes the gap between you two. The kiss was needy, but soft however quickly grew hungry for more. Stepping more into the shower, the warm water runs down your back and Dean starts to push you back against the wall, lifting your leg to his hip with his hand.

Breaking apart only for air he says, “You have no idea how many times I’ve dreamed of this moment”. He lips make contact with your neck, trailing down to your collarbone as he tentatively paws at your boob. It’s all passion between you. 8 months of sexual tension all being released at once. His kisses move lower, as he starts sucking on one of your nipples, slowly lowering himself to his knees. His mouth follows this southbound patter until he lands on his knees in front of you.

Grabbing your hips with his hands he looks up at you. “God- you are so fucking sexy” he says as he starts to kiss and nibble at your thighs, urging them apart. Your core is aching for any kind of contact. Dean pokes out his tongue between your wet folds, causing you to gasp at the contact. He gives you one last devilish smirk before he laps away at your sex. It throws you off guard, almost causing you to lose balance, but Dean steadies you with his hands never stopping his pace. His mouth latched onto your clit, sucking and biting. It doesn’t take very long before that coil winds up so tight and you release all over his face. He rides out your orgasm and then you pull him up to kiss him again. The kiss is different this time, almost more meaningful but still steamy. You open your mouth, allowing his tongue to graze over yours tasting yourself on him. You reach a hand in between you to palm his hard cock, causing the most pornographic groan from Dean into your mouth. Despite having just came, your core was practically crying for more. Wanting to return the favor for him, you started lowering yourself to your knees, as you still palmed him.

He quickly grabbed your arms. “Not this time, darlin. I want to feel you. Can I do that?” Dean asks.

“Yes please Dean, I need you.” You say standing upright again. Dean lined himself up with you and slowly pushed in, allowing you to adjust. You squeeze your eyes tight as the pain melts into pleasure.

“You can move now” you tell Dean and he does at a gruelingly slow pace. He starts speeding up as he kisses your lips again and rests his forehead against yours. The only sounds are of the water hitting the floor, the contact of your skin, and the heavy breaths and moans coming from the both of you. Dean reaches his hand down in between the two of you putting his thumb against your clit and making small circles. You’re sensitive from your last orgasm so you suck a breath in through your teeth and close your eyes.

“Please look at me, I want to watch you unravel on my cock. You look so beautiful like this” Dean praises. That familiar sensation builds and builds.

“That’s it. Cum for me. You can do it, uh huh. Good girl” Praise repeatedly falls from Deans lips as you orgasm for the second time, so much harder than before. The tightening of your cunt around Deans cock causes him to cum as well, spilling his juices into you. You both stay in that position for a moment, foreheads pressed together, taking deep breaths. Dean slowly pulls out of you and leans in for another kiss.

“We should’ve done that a long time ago” he says and you just chuckled. You two clean up by finishing up the shower together, Dean sweetly cleaning up your sex and washing your hair for you. Once you two get out, you both cuddle up on his bed.

“So, um… what caused you to be so bold?” Dean asked as you nuzzled your head into his shoulder.

“I don’t know, I guess I was just tired of you flirting with me but not making any real moves” You teased.

“Hey, those are my moves” Dean said defensively.

You two chatted some more, then fell asleep in each others arms watching old tv show re-runs.

The End.

#dean winchester #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #fanfic #sam winchester #supernatural #dean winchester smut #smut #praise k!nk #shower scene

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yuniniverse · 6 months

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Hii ! It’s my first time Request in your account 🥹can you please do a junghoon (xikers) x reader ? Anything can be good but please make it more lovely and sweet! bc we miss him😞( we want a a playful junghoon I begggg 😭. )

Flowers For You

PAIRING ! ━ non!idol junghoon x reader

GENRE ! ━ childhood sweethearts, slight jealousy (only if you squint?), this is the fluffies thing I've ever written omg.

WORD COUNT ! ━ 1.797k words

AUTHOR NOTE ! ━ sorry for the delay love and omg the way I screamed when I gut a hoonie fluff request 🥹 i miss him sm too but I hope he takes his time to come back <3

SONG RECCS ! ━ Your existence By Wonstein, Crush by Tessa Violet !

The sound of the wind and leaves rustling

echoed through junghoons ears as he walked through the quiet school. It was too early for anyone to be there and that's what junghoon loved the most. The boy was more than happy to be by himself and with his bestfriend, or atleast that's what he was to call her. His ears perk up at the faint sound of footsteps, smiling at himself as he continues walking, realising what you were gonna do but tried to play it off as if he never heard your not so quiet footsteps. His small smile turning to a wide grin as he feels a pair of hands over his eyes, his hands over yours as he laughs, "Is this one of your antics y/n?" You frown at him, "can't I just show my bestfriend how much I love him?", "by making him blind? Do you even hear yourself sometimes." He deadpans at your face to which you pinch his ears, earning a groan from the taller boy.

Unfortunately your precious moment with Junghoon had to be interrupted as you two were from different classes. You hug him, butterflies swarming throughout your body as you take in his warm embrace before breaking away and running to your class, each time you hug him you hope he doesn't notice your bright red ears.

But how could he? He would be so pouty and sulk quietly when you pull away from his hug, wishing he could hold you close, maybe one day, or maybe in another universe. He thinks as he looks at your bright smile greeting the guy in your class. Jung Yujun, the bright sunshine boy who had every girl swooning for his smile, even you.

You and Junghoon had always been friends ever since you were kids, he knew you wouldn't ditch him for some smiley cotton candy boy who was always so blushy around girls, especially around you. You and Junghoon knew Yujun when you two transferred to the current school with Yujun showing you two around the school. Right from the first day Junghoon disliked the way Yujun was always so happy around you.

He takes a seat, glancing out the window, hoping to find something that could help distract him. But he couldn't help but want to think of an excuse to go see you right away, the things he would do to hold your hand and walk with you, he doesn't know where he would take you but he knows for sure it'll be far away from the yujun boy.

"Why are you so sulky?" You ask as you take a seat next to junghoon, he was sitting all alone in the rooftop during lunch and you knew something was on his mind.

He shrugs you off saying it's nothing so you decided to annoy him but asking him the same question over and over again to which he avoids, but you won't give up. Junghoon knew that so he was looking outside to point out to you so that you could drop the topic. He smiles at the flowers below, everytime he saw flowers he'd think of what you said to him when you were kids.

"I wish I get flowers" you would mumble to which tiny junghoon would tilt his head, confused. You'd explain how you were jealous of your parents being all lovely dovey and how your mom would get flowers from your dad everyday and how you wish you got them too. Junghoon laughed at first but immediately frowned seeing you look at the bed of flowers all sad. "I'll give you flowers" you look at him in disbelief, "you? What if I you get someone you love later? You won't be able to give flowers then Dumbo" you say as you flick his forehead. "Ok then I promise that when we are older and we still don't have anyone we love, I will give you flowers!" He replies cheekily to which you smile at him, "That sounds like you would be confessing to me hoon" you scoff to which the boy only smiles.

"Your smiling?" Junghoons snaps out his daydreaming and looks at you, pinching your cheeks as you stare in disbelief, "Your eyes look pretty" he says as he stares at you. He looked etheral, his eyes sparkling and he had a slight smile, the corners of his lips twitching as his hands caress your cheek. Your heart was now pounding against your chest, clearing your throat you punch his arm playfully. "Why are you being so romantic all of a sudden?" You ask as you look away, pulling your hair strands to cover your burning ears, only for junghoons hand to hold your cheeks and turn you to face him. "Are you blushing?" He grins as he lifts his eyebrows in a teasing way, his face inches closer to you. "No??what." You try to say with a serious face only to fail and smile at him, pushing him away, "dumbass" you mutter.

Junghoon would've defended himself only if it weren't for cotton candy boy to have interrupted you two. "Y/n! Thank you for lending me the pen for the test today" he says with a smile as he gives you a pen and a rose. "A rose?" You ask as you smile at the sweet gesture as yujun nods his head, "I heard you talk about how you love flowers so i thought I'd get you a ros-" "she likes orchids" Junghoon interrupts, his jaw clenched as he stared at Yujun to which the puppy like boy felt intimidated. "Oh uh I see, anyways thank you again" Yujun cuts short and walks back, some would say the poor boy would've bolted too from how fast he was walking away.

"Jealous?" Now it was your turn to tease the cat like boy. "No? Roses are so overrated anyways, gimme that." He says as he snatches the rose from you. "Hey wha-" Before you could protest junghoon hugged you, holding you closer this time as if he had no intentions of letting you go. You smile and pat him, "If you were that jealous you could still stick up to what you said when we were kids you know~" you say as he pulls away with a frown, holding your hand he says "I will make sure only i will be the one who will make you the happiest when you recieve flowers."

Hours had passed, the day was nearing to an end yet you couldn't take what junghoon said out of your mind. Everytime you think of it a blush creeps onto your cheeks, biting your lip to suppress any giggles. You stand up ruffling your hair. Ofcourse he meant it playfully? Or maybe he was just teasing you, right? You flop back to your bed, millions of possibilities and thoughts clouding your mind until you stand up and grab your hoodie, grabbing the door handle and walking out. You needed to clear your thoughts. Sure you were happy but you were too happy. You shouldn't be thinking of your bestfriend like that? Junghoon just happened to be a really sweet guy but that didn't mean you would be delusional and make up scenarios, that was wrong of you.

You stand in front of the gate, contemplating if you really should go in. The park you went to was old and Bareilly anyone went in so it immediately became your and junghoons escape place where you two would sneak out as kids when one of you had nightmares and walk around. But now it was too dark. You sigh as you turn around and hit your head against someones chest, looking up you see junghoon having the same confused expression as you. "Somethings bothering you too?" You only nod, not wanting to talk about it especially to the guy that has you falling face first in love. He nods, silently taking your hand in his as he walks, opening the gate with a creak as he pulls you with him. Seating himself and leaning against a tree, patting the space next to him. You smile, glancing at the tree that practically watched you two grow, the tree you ranted about how much you loved this boy named Kim Junghoon. You sit next to hoon, your hand still interwined, you notice a bag next to him concluding maybe he was in a class before this. You sit in comfortable silence with him, watching the birds drying their wings next to the lake. You hear a rustle and when you turn your head you see junghoon staring at the bouquet of orchids wrapped together beautifully. Without another word he stands up and walks over to the railings that separated the lake and the park. You stare at the flowers then at him, smiling at him. He really did make you the happiest girl, not just with the flowers but with him being around.

Junghoons mind on the other hand was panicking. Would she like it? What if she didnt liked orchids anymore?" All of the questions disappearing as he feels a pair of arms wrapped around his waist, squeezing him gently. You whisper a thank you to which he feels so warm and fuzzy. Hearing your voice was everything, to see you joyed was all he ever wanted. He turns around and cups your cheek, he wanted to close the gap but couldn't. The word "bestfriend" forbid him to do so. You were so close yet so far. Wishing he could rewrite destiny to make him yours. His fingers caressed your cheeks as he stared at you oh so lovingly. His eyes widened as he felt your lips on his. Processing everything he finally leans down to your level, your arms around his neck, his arms around your waist as you two kissed softly. The sound of leaves rustling echoes the quiet park almost as if the tree that once watched your baby selves take your first steps in meeting each other to now finally letting yourselves tell each other how you truly felt about each other. He pulls away, giving you the sweetest smile you've ever seen. You only blushed, tip toeing to kiss his cheeks and hugging him. Wrapping his arms around you. Both of you feeling at home, the warmth making you two melt at each other's embrace. "I'll take care of you y/n, I'll make you the happiest girl ever, let me be yours" you chuckle and pinch his cheek. "What about you?" "Hm?" "What about your happiness dummy" junghoon pecks your lips and smiles, "I was always the happiest boy whenever I was with you, I will always be happier only when I'm with you."

#xikers #xikers drabbles #xikers fluff #xikers imagines #xikers reactions #xikers x reader #xikers fanfic #xikers junghoon #junghoon #junghoon x reader #junghoon fluff #kim junghoon #junghoon imagines

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mermaidsirennikita · 10 months

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What are your favorite Grace Callaway books?

She has a good-sized backlist, and I've just started my third series by her.

Grace Callaway is for when you wanna read like, a Tessa Dare-esque sense of humor mixed with MacLeanian girl gang/"oh there she goes, cartwheeling into mortal peril while the big man who's in love with her shrieks in panic" vibes, topped off with lots of sex scenes that are generally more creative than those you'll find in trad HR, often with a dusting of light kink. Age gaps are common, but not guaranteed. A lot of her heroines are virgins, but not all. You'll frequently find a hero who's like "God this bitch gives me a migraine but I love her so much" and a heroine who's all "what? like it's hard?" when her hero cautions her against deep throating him on the first try.

I....love these qualities. I did break my usual protocol re: reading out of order, because I began her most recent series first. And that's fine, but her books are generational. So everyone's kids grow up and fuck each other, as God intended.

Generally, though, I'd recommend

The whole Lady Charlotte's Society of Scoundrels series, which is a Victorian Charlie's Angels setup. Such a solid series thus far. The main entries are:

Olivia and the Masked Duke--Heroine sees the hero, who she's known since he saved her life when she was like 12, fucking another woman in a D/s scenario and realizes that she Must Have Him. A good Stern Daddy/Bratty sub book, with the added bonus of the hero being like... 10-12 years older than the heroine and feeling Super Guilty about corrupting her. He's friends with her daaaaad which I ... love.

Pippa and the Prince of Secrets--Widowed heroine reconnects with the guy who gave her her first kiss when they were teens. He's now the scarred leader of a band of child spies (more common than you'd think in historical romance) and he wears a mask and has an exhibitionism kink. It is HOT it is ANGSTY, it's probably my favorite Grace because the moment when he lets her see his whole face is... so much. As is the scene where he gives her multiples in front of like dozens of people in an orgy.

Fiona and the Enigmatic Earl--Intrepid spitfire crosses paths with an ESPIONAGE EARL (TM) on one of her "missions" and they try to do a fakeout makeout to stay undercover but it turns into him getting her off against a wall and after that he's like "uh well I guess I should propose" and they try to have a cool respectable marriage but their passion is 2 Much. At one point one point they fuck in a room knowing that someone is watching through a peephole. This happens more than you'd think in Grace Callaway's England.

Glory and the Master of Shadows--Duke's daughter becomes the mentee of a Chinese underworld master (not sexy master; he's been celibate for YEEEEARS) and he's like "wow would be much easier to mentor her if I didn't fantasize about putting my dick in her mouth on the reg". He does eat her out in a hallway with her parents sleeping like, feet away.

Then, outside of that series, I love:

The Duke Who Knew Too Much--Okay this one is fucking balls out hilarious because the heroine is like an INTREPID DETECTIVE (a lot of Grace heroines are INTREPID DETECTIVES who like, lick their finger and test the air and go "he went north" while the hero is all, "I mean we received a ransom note telling us he went north but okay" to sum up the vibe) and she comes upon the hero, a scary lord man, doing a bit o' light CNC with his mistress, and she's like "EGADS" and then when the mistress dies he has to take her to a sex club and be like "look I'm not a murderer I just like to tie bitches up and fuck them" and she's like "... tell me more. for the case."

M is for Marquess--I like this one a lot, because it has one of my historical romance novel tropes, which is "girl has mild asthma so the hero is afraid of fucking her to death". This hero is SO. SO AFRAID. OF KILLING HER WITH HIS PENIS. He also is like "my dead wife called me a depraved fiend, no one shall accept me", because he likes domming a bit. A lot of Grace heroes have dead wives, who were not fun. This book also has one of the least annoying romance novel children, mostly because he has anxiety, and the heroine kinda calls the hero a bad father...? I died.

Her Prodigal Passion--I like this one because the hero is a total wastrel and then as he's shaping up the heroine, who has been obsessed with him for years but gave up on it after he gave her an orgasm while he was high (that's True Rake Game) and then forgot about it, ends up entangled with him. There's a scene where phrenology, the practice of feeling skulls for lumps to sum up your personality, is used in a Sexy Way.

#romance novel blogging #book recs

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bridgertonbabe · 3 months

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Hello dear Shinnie,

I love the Violet & Edgar and David & Sophia AU and I have burning questions:

How did things develop between Alex and Eliza?

How did Benedict react to his son’s dalliance with Tessa?

How did Charles find the love of his life?

Miles & Charles seems to be a chaotic duo who can run around breaking hearts. Can you please give us some crumbles 🥹🥹🥹

With love and anticipation,

Alexandra

Things develop between Alex and Eliza during the summer of 1843 after Benedict leaves My Cottage to stay at the Cranes for several weeks. Though Alex had been attracted to her for some time he had never planned to act on his feelings for the housemaid with his family under the same roof - however with nobody else around and with a house all to themselves, they naturally draw even closer and form a deeper bond before they both finally give in to temptation.

For the time being that dalliance isn't something that Benedict will come to learn about (though that's not to say I won't change my mind later on down the line). It's a secret Sophie is very comfortable in keeping to herself (as she tries her best to repress the knowledge as best she can in her own mind), meanwhile if Alex ever were to discover Tessa's past with his own father it would't be a subject matter he'd be willing to sit down and have conversation with Benedict about by any means.

I don't want to say too much about Charles's love story but following Violet's love match he decides that since his little sister has set the precedent of marrying, he too should settle down and set an example as the eldest of his siblings. And so the year following Violet's marriage, Charles is determined to be wed by the end of the social season regardless if he and his chosen bride are a true love match or not.

Miles is a heartbreaker though there's one heart in particular he's guilty of breaking to a greater extent than the ones of fanciful debutantes who girlishly admire him in the Ton. There was a girl he had always held a candle for, who he had shared in a sweetheart romance with during their early adolescence, and who he had mistakenly thought would wait for him until he was one day ready to ask for her hand; but his careless complacency turned out to be the cause of his own heartbreak as she ended up marrying someone else, and thus leaving him to wallow in his own regret.

#asks #bng series #bridgerton the next generation #alexander x eliza #alexander bridgerton #charles bridgerton #miles bridgerton

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ask-fell-drones · 6 months

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Memories

Depictions of death and abuse

I remember being called inside a room by a man. I was unconfortable, but obeying was my duty. It was either that or dying, and I can't die, not when I can still live with him.

Inside the room, the man was sitting on the bed, giving an eerie smile. He looked at me, seeing every part of my body, licking his lips. I knew what he wanted, it was not uncommon.

"Come here child" My stomach hurt and filled with disgust, but I had to hold it, I had to obey. I walked close to him and slowly took my clothes out.

The mansion was pretty calm, no sound could be heard aside from the humans talking to eachother. Maids and Butlers were serving people on the room. I could see that most were doing their jobs, but I haven't seen L, O, Y, and S since yesterday.

They were probably slacking off again, like they always do. In the distance I see a little girl, sadly walking by the other humans. The girl sees me and runs towards my direction.

"Hey J" The girl waved to me. Her expression getting brighter, with a smile forming on her mouth.

"Hello Miss Tessa, what is your order?" I say with a stern tone.

"I don't have any orders now. I just want to talk" She said, leaning on the balcony, on our side.

"I'm afriad I can't do that Miss. I have a job to do right now" I take a plate with food and drinks.

"Aw, c'mon J. There are so many alredy doing their tasks. One less isn't going to break everything" She said with sad eyes, placing her hands together on the side of her cheeks.

"I'm sorry Miss, but I can't, there are alredy four slacking off. On that note, I'm sorry to ask this to you, but could you tell someone to catch the four slacking drones?"

"You don't need the formality with me J, you know that, but who are the slaking?"

"L, O, Y and S. They are probably in the basement" She said, as she made her way to serve those rich bastards.

I start walking. J did ask me to order a drone to check them, but I don't want to, so I'm gonna see it myself. On the way there, I walk by my parents room. It seems that they are having another argument, so better walk as fast as I can.

I hear the sound of door opening. My heart feels the grip of fear, my blood turning cold, making me shiver.

"Tessa! Come here, right now" My ftaher screams are loud and full of force. I know he's not asking, and I know what's going to happen. I see a little butler drone, helping a maid drone with glasses walking down the hall.

"N, V! Could you guys check the basement and library for 4 drone?" I scream, before my arm is grabbed by my father. I can smell the alcohol he has been drinking, vodka.

James throws his daughter inside the room and locks the door behind him. I look at V with a worried face. This wasn't the first time this happened, but it never ended well. We could only hope for the best.

"I'll check the library. You go check the basement" V said.

"Are you sure. Doesn't it hurt to-"

"Shut up. I can go to the library" V said as she pushed me with a little blush on her visor, walking away stumbling a bit. It clearly hurts, but why does she deny my help? Am I really that annoying to her?

I forget that and walk to the basement. This place always creeped me. Some drones say that the Elliots make experiments down here. Raptor drones, crown drones, all type of weird crap.

Most just laugh it off, but can they trully deny that the Elliots could do that one day?

I open the basement door. The stair down is completely dark, like always. A lot of accidents happened here, because of this darkness...

Good job N, now you're more afraid than before. Why do you always do that?

I can feel the cold in my metal skin, it makes this place even more sinister. Descending the stair a little more, I smell the putrid smell of dry oil.

Why is there dry oil here? Did something happen to a drone? Did someone do something to a drone? Or... Did a drone do something to themselves?

My legs start to give up. The fear makes my body weak, I feel the pressure getting stronger, the air getting thicker, the smell getting worse. My stomach moves from place to place, wanting to spill out the liquid it produces, but I hold it in.

When I reach the end of the stairs, my eyes hollow. On the ceiling there is four chain, four arms being held in each of them. The floor is covered in oil, it sticks my foot to the ground. I can't hold in any longer. Whatever was inside of me, is thrown out.

My vomit mixes with the oil on the ground, making a pond of disgust. I have to get out of here, fast!

When I look back, I see that the basement door is closing. I try to reach it, but my light is cut short.

I walk to the library with a lot of effort. I hate this place, I hate humans. They're all pigs that should be exterminated!

Unfortunaly I can't do anything. I'll live like this and die like this. At least I caan by N's side. That is if he doesn't give up on me.

Why am I always so rude to him? He's always nice and kind, but me? I'm a monster. I push him away as if he was disposable drone, as if he doesn't matter.

If things keep going like this... Let's just get the drones and go back to doing our duty.

I enter the library. The bookshelves are huge, reaching the ceilings. Looking from down here it doesn't seem that they have an end. There is a variety of books here, from phylosophy to math. Everything can be found here, but no one ever comes.

I continue walking, looking for any drones that might be here. On the end of the library, I see a little worker, fuck, it's C.

Always acting strange. There's something wrong with them. It seems that they are doing something, must be them that I was sent to find, since there are no more drones out here.

I walk closer to C, but something takes my attention. There's a black liquid, it smells like oil, dripping from the desk C is in. Are they cutting themselves?

Before I walk to them. C turns to face me.

"Hello V. Evil smile" I back away a bit.

"H-Hey. I think the Elliots are calling you" C looks back at the desk.

"Giggle. I wanted to have a talk with them" C gets up and jumps from the chair.

My eyes hollow. No, this can't be, this can't be real. On the desk C was in, I see N's head, oil dripping from his decapitated neck. His visor showing a red warning, with some wires coming out of his head.

I start walking back. This can't be happening. I look at C, but they were alredy gone. Why did they do this? Why N? Why?

"Evil laugh. The reason is pretty simple S I S T E R"

#murder drones #murder drones au #fell drones

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seesgood · 1 year

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plots based off of books i’ve read ,

the one ( john marrs ) , muse a and b both take a blood test guaranteed to find them their match and soulmate and they’re matched together. potential conflict / complications: one of the two is already married to someone else, one is halfway across the world, one is a career criminal / serial killer, etc.

my killer vacation ( tessa bailey ) , muse a is on vacation when a murder victim is discovered in the house she’s renting, muse b is hired as a private detective to solve the murder, muse a decides to help muse b, much to muse b’s annoyance

acts of violet ( margarita montimore ) , muse a is the sibling / friend / lover / something of connection to muse b , an infamous magician who famously disappeared during one of their shows nearly a decade ago , never to be seen / heard from again . now that the 10 year anniversary is approaching , muse a must grapple with their own complex feelings about this , while also reconciling with strange clues and coincidences they keep finding around them that hint that muse b may not actually be dead / disappeared .

the house in the cerulean sea ( tj klune ) , muse a is sent from the department of welfare for magical children to investigate a unique orphanage housing some of the strangest and most disconcerting of magical creatures / children , there , they meet the headmaster / headmistress , muse b who is dedicated to caring for the children as children .

the night circus ( erin morgenstern ) , dueling magicians who fall in love , ‘nuff said .

things we never got over ( lucy score ) , muse a finds herself in a small town , unexpectedly caring for her niece ( either via her sister or close friend or whatever ) after she ran out on her own wedding . one of the locals ( muse b ) , begrudgingly tries to help her once they realize how much of a mess she is

from lukov with love ( mariana zapata ) , figure skating partners who hate each other , or maybe don’t hate each other quite as much as they’d like to pretend .

the charm offensive ( alison cochrun ) , muse a is a producer on that popular dating show and is charged with making the ( seemingly difficult ) star ( muse b ) more presentable to audiences and less awkward on camera

vicious / vengeful ( v.e. schwab ) , two former classmates / friends end up discovering how to give themselves powers , muse a takes it upon themselves to cleanse the world of fellow enhanced individuals due to the dangers they pose , muse b takes it upon themself to try and stop muse a

home before dark ( riley sager ) , muse a returns to a home they lived in for only a few weeks when they were younger , the same home that brought their family fame and notoriety due to the book their father published about it being haunted . muse a is charged with fixing up and selling the home , enlisting the help of muse b ( a local ) to assist them in doing so.

you deserve each other ( sarah hogle ) , mues a and b are about to be married when they realize that they hate each other , however , whoever breaks it off first will have to front the enormous wedding cost . so , they each try and break the other first and fall back in love in the process .

final girls ( riley sager ) , muse a and b are both renown “final girls” , both of them having survived a horrific crime / event when they were younger . now , they have to come together when another ‘final girl’ that they know was murdered .

#ᴘʟᴀɴs ; ᴀ ғᴜᴛᴜʀᴇ ; ᴛʜɪɴɢs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴡᴀɴᴛ. ⸺ wishlist.#i coulda done more #but alas #message me or comment if interested!#/ do not reblog.

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katnissgirlsmakedo · 9 months

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yea i DO want an in depth explanation of how everyone relates to kit and ty

well this could be the longest post ever….. i talked about some of them already but i’ll give you some of my favorites rn and then probably go into the rest later <3

first i wanna talk about margaret of the map of tiny perfect things fame, i put her at the very beginning and the very end like bookends because that movie is about a timeloop and i thought it would be fun to like. begin and end the same you know… and then of course she’s just like ty because of how she let herself fall into that time loop as a metaphor for grief because she had this inability to let go of her mother and would have rather lived the same horrible day over and over again if it meant she didn’t have to live in a world without her mom. and she would have just made the map with mark and looked for all the small perfect moments within that day because she was too afraid of the bigger picture of life…. and then of course the whole movie is about mark trying to find a way OUT of the loop and he’s the one that helps her see the beauty in the ever changing nature of life and she’s only able to break the loop once she learns this…. like yeah well that needs to happen to my buddy ty!!!

another favorite is zombieland, i’m literally always saying that kit could do zombieland…. the thing about columbus zombieland is that well he’s a loser with no life and then it’s the end of the world and he survives by isolating himself from everyone. but he’s still trying to make it back to his family in ohio for one last chance at not being alone, and then he can’t do that but he finds a new family with tallahassee and witchita and little rock…. and well kit lovesss isolating himself as a way of protecting his heart but he still wants to be able to someday have a family, and he DOES now because he has tessa and jem and mina and jace and all the blackthorns…. also if you’ve seen the zombieland movies you’ll know that when columbus proposed in the sequel witchita immediately just left because she’s afraid of committing and her primary goal through the whole franchise has been to protect her sister so she used that as an excuse to run away from him… like. whatever. and then they killed a bunch of zombies together!!

little women is there because a) i was including as many things as i could think of that had multiple versions of the same characters. and b) because laurie’s whole deal is that he is so desperate to be a part of the march family that he would have married literally any of those girls. i’m not of the mindset that laurie only married amy as a consolation prize for losing jo, because i think he only wanted to marry jo because she happened to be his best friend and he wanted to be a part of her family. i think that laurie and amy were in love but i also think that it’s not like soulmate shit or anything they’re in love because they chose to be in love. i love amy’s speech in the 2019 adaptation about how she doesn’t think love just Happens and that if you just pick someone and commit to them that’s love enough to be meaningful. and i think her and laurie chose each other out of knowing that they wanted similar lives and could give each other something the other wanted and yes they loved each other as friends before they loved each other as more but it’s not necessarily a romcom situation with them. like they were in love but not because of some out of their hands fated romance deal you know. and i think there’s a similarity there to how kit and ty chose each other more so than it was fated. i know i’ve said a lot about them being like dated to be together although i don’t believe i’ve ever used that word. but i always mean it in the sense that they initially just picked each other and now they’re always going to be pulled together because of that. wow i just went on forever with this one huh ok moving on

some shorter explanations: twilight is there for the same reason little women is i think bella has the same thing wrong with her that laurie does. ari and dante get to be there because well we were all 15 together simple. allie and will get to be there because she’s the reincarnation of king arthur and we’ve all already established that kit is shadowhunter king arthur. do revenge is there for the toxic girl best friend-ism. enola holmes is there because it would have been wrong to not include literally the only sherlock holmes related media i have seen. benjamin is there because well he’s just like ty fr. handsome devil is there because when i watched that movie i saw my pal eddie dating amber be super annoying and i was like well i think he has kit herondale swag. and that was that i didn’t think about it beyond that. tangled is there for obvious reasons. fear street is there because sam and deena are insane about each other and also divorced and in a life threatening situation and also in love and well that is going to happen to ty and kit in twp

#who’s even left oh my god i’ve been typing forever…#oh of course the red white royal blue guys are there just because of the ring/key exchange thing that made me insane #we have all been here for any explanation we would need for that though.#asks #timeless video

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adamwatchesmovies · 8 months

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After (2019)

If After were worse, it would be a “better” movie. This Twilight knockoff is nowhere as awful as they get, which means it never quite reaches the level of being "so bad it's good". It's a near miss considering the weirdly chaste romance and the loopy scenarios threatening to keep its lovers apart.

On her first day of University, Tessa (Josephine Langford) meets Hardin (Hero Fiennes-Tiffin). They couldn’t be more diametrically opposed but she's drawn to the tattooed, moody bad boy. She has a boyfriend, Noah (Dylan Arnold). Her mother insists she’ll be throwing her life away if she pursues this new hottie instead of him. Everything tells her they don't belong together but will she listen?

You’ll know something’s amiss from the opening credits. “Wattpad Productions”? As in the website where you post fan fiction? Yes. This film is based on a novel that began as a One Direction fan fiction. Not that there’s anything wrong with fan fiction - you enjoy what you like the way you want to - but there’s a certain… quality associated with someone so inspired by their love of a boy band they need to pen a book.

The worst thing about this movie is how derivative of other works it is and how predictable this makes the plot. When the overly rebellious-looking Molly (Inanna Sarkis) invites Tessa to join in a game of truth-or-dare and she asks “What is the wildest place you’ve had sex?” you know Tessa will reveal she’s a virgin. How could she not be when she’s currently dating Noah? The guy shows her so little affection I wouldn’t blame you for thinking they're siblings. In my headcannon, he's secretly an old man whose mind has been transplanted into a highschooler's body. I don’t know where the series is headed but I’m pretty sure he’s like a Ken doll - just smooth down there. Same applies for Tessa’s new college bestie, Landon (Shane Paul McGhie). His only purpose is to emphasize how much of a “bad boy” Hardin is by comparison.

Speaking of which, I’m not going to judge Hero Fiennes Tiffin too much on his performance as the love interest -the script is just awful - but he’s not very good in it. Every time you spot him brooding on his rooftop you’re supposed to think “he’s so tortured inside… I hope she can fix him”. Instead, you’ll mutter “Give me a break”. He’s a teenager’s idea of what a bad boy is like, which means he’s got tattoos and a shady past… but he doesn’t drink and loves to read classical litterature. Oh, and he “doesn’t believe” in love. This nonsense might fly with teenage girls but the rest of us will see right through it.

If you're lucky, you'll find After comically but unintentionally amusing. At one point, Tessa’s mom (played by Selma Blair) comes at her daughter. “You’ll ruin your life if you get with him. I knew I shouldn’t have allowed you to stay in this room that reeks of pot!” Tessa refuses to give up the relationship with Hardin “Then, you’re cut off!” her mother screams. Now with no money to pay for rent or food, she’s forced to move in with her scandalous boyfriend. Good job, mom! That’s the second big dramatic moment (the first was when Tessa had to break up with Noah). The final one comes later in the movie when wait for it we learn Hardin began dating Tessa… on a dare. Wow! Bet you didn’t see that coming. What’s more surprising is how few times we see the characters at school or how surprisingly modern the sex scenes are. At least I can give the movie credit for that second one.

The best thing about After is that its sequel is so out there (in terms of romantic dramas) that it becomes a fascinating wreck. To properly enjoy just how ridiculous it is, you need to see this introductory chapter. As far as backhanded compliments go, this is as low as it gets, but After is the kind of movie that will eagerly accept it. (March 18, 2021)

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triviareads · 1 year

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This month was all about contemporary romances for me. I got some excellent ARCs like Tastes Like Shakkar by Nisha Sharma (which pleasantly surprised me; review forthcoming) and Tessa Bailey's Unfortunately Yours (here's my review). I read a rather entertaining novella called Hard Wood that put me in my lumberjack era for a hot second. There was another book that tried to sell me on a hero named "Martin" (tbh his cardinal sin was eating mangos off her vaj, which is only topped off in terribleness by eating tiramisu off someone's vagina— Enzo you monster, cages are not where I draw the line, but the tiramisu is). Also read Dana Islay's Rules We Break which had me pondering why it's so hard to find dommes in romance novels (and rarer still to find well-written ones). All in all, a good month, and here are my favorites:

Looking by Katrina Jackson

This was recommended to me by @monarchies-history after I was asked for a list of diverse contemporary romance recs. Darren and Nadia are a married couple with twins. They want to open their marriage and arrange to meet with Jourdan (sidenote: all the mcs are Black; Katrina really does the most for diverse romances), who is very into both of them right off the bat, and the feeling is mutual (there is a park trail sex scene lolol). What I loved most about Looking is that it's such a joyful book. The dialogue is funny and clever, the sex is very hot in all its configurations (Darren and Nadia get to know Jourdan separately before they all get together— it's actually kinda "slowburn" in that sense; each of them gets their own POV section), and the three of them are just so happy to be together, you can't help but smile.

Serving Pleasure by Alisha Rai

@jeanvanjer was trying to get me to read Glutton for Pleasure for the longest time (which I did, and it was good; another throuple book), but I latched onto Serving Pleasure more, not only because I enjoyed the way the sex was written more, but also because the emotions REALLY got to me. It's also a pretty unhinged premise: The hero Micah is a recluse and an artist, and Rana lives across the street from him and like... constantly watches him, and even follows (stalks?) him at some point. Lucky for her he's very into it, even jerking off purposely at his window (out of spite, but then he stops midway out of guilt lolol). He asks her to pose for him and they began a no strings-attached fling.

Also, I really liked Rana's characterization: she's perceived as a "party girl" with no serious ambition compared to her sisters so she has to grapple with her self-perception vs. what outsides see, which was really quite novel for me to read in a South Asian heroine.

Compromised in Paradise by Samanthe Beck

This book is fun, light, and quite literally a beach read since it's set in a resort in Hawaii. Arden is a stressed-out heiress looking for a fling, but when the hero Nick catches her faking her orgasm, he decides to give her orgasm lessons. Like, what a saint amirite? With a premise like this, it can go a lot of ways but I appreciate Nick's dedication to centering their sex lessons around her and her orgasm, and then it took an unexpected but welcomed turn towards the end with the rare contemporary romance anal sex.

This book also made me read like three of Samanthe's other books on one shot, and they're all full of great banter and solid dirty talk. Would absolutely recommend this book, this series (called "Compromise Me" which should totally be the name of an HR series), and this author overall.

Salt in the Wound by Sierra Simone

Sierra Simone is back at it, y'all. Salt in the Wound is the (free!) prequel to Salt Kiss, which is coming out this fall. It's set in the same universe as the New Camelot series and Sierra's criminally underrated Sherwood (ft. female!Robin Hood/Maid Marian/Sheriff of Nottingham with a side of a hushed mention of bogeyman Mark Trevena). It centers around how Isolde gets engaged to Mark Trevena, former assassin, current BDSM club owner, and Man Who Never Stops Telling You He's A Bad Bad Man. Isolde wants to be a nun (she also learns martial arts at a nun dojo), but is put in a position where she needs to learn how to fake being Mark's sub in public. Cue kink lessons, and as it turns out she's very into it, and Mark is SHOOK (the way he flees at the end because he can't handle Feelings and masks it with a show of "I'm sooooo Bad you should have expected me to be a bitch about this"..... bravo. Couldn't have set up Salt Kiss better).

My favorite thing about Sierra's characters is just the level of zeal they have... for religion, for sex, for power, and this short story is no different. I am eagerly awaiting the Lyonesse Trilogy.

You Can Follow Me by Jo Brenner

This book was shilled in both Sierra Simone and Mila Finelli's newsletters in a span of a week so I knew I had to give it a shot. Another wild premise: Kara hooked up separately with three SEALs who were actually lovers (two of the three did *not* happen upon her by accident...) and now Circumstances lead to them kidnapping her and holding her captive. Listen, I fully admit I came here for the sex (fun sex, angry sex, manipulative sex, spite-because-she-won't-sleep-with-you-so-you-fuck-your-bros-in-front-of-her sex... you get the picture) but I stayed for the *journey* ok. Specifically how Kara deals with this insane loss of freedom even as she wants to jump all of their bones, and starts to catch Feelings.

Scorching to the Touch by Ofelia Martinez

Another excellent recommendation by Sierra Simone, this one is a somewhat toxic (until it isn't!) romance between a telenovela star (and she's plus sized) and a rockstar. Listen, sometimes all you want to do is read a romance with two hot people who know they're hot shit and also deeply messy individuals. Revenge oral 4% of the way into the book? Check. Stalking Tracking each other long after they've broken up? Check. Breaking up each other's engagements? Check. Him crying on his knees because he bruised her during sex even if it's probably him overreacting? Check. Obsession-induced erectile dysfunction? Check. It's fabulous. Would recommend.

Forbidden Harmony by Elizabeth Kelly

I feel like this post sums up the plot of this one excellently; In addition, I know Elizabeth is writing a series with exclusively older couples which I might try soon.

#trivia's book round-up #contemporary romance #katrina jackson #alisha rai #samanthe beck #sierra simone #jo brenner #ofelia martinez #elizabeth kelly #book recs

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crossedwithblue · 1 year

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fuck it all the questions I guess

OOOOOkay here we go! (for some reason it's forcing me to include this in the bullet list)

1:A song you like with a color in the title: Whoreson Prison Blues

2:A song you like with a number in the title: 99 Red Balloons (could also have worked for the previous question hehe)

3:A song that reminds you of summertime: Havana by Camila Cabelo

4:A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about: Not over You by Tessa Violet. I still like the song but could do without some of the associations.

5:A song that needs to be played LOUD: Emergency by Icona Pop

6:A song that makes you want to dance: London Thumakda

7:A song to drive to: uhhh I don't drive but Marlene on the Wall is a good song to be driven to

8:A song about drugs or alcohol: the closest I can think of is Die Slow by Venus and the Moon

9:A song that makes you happy: Drunks on a Boat by the Sweetchunks Band (yes I know, terrible band name but I think they're very funny), also Bombastic by Bonnie McKee and Kill of the Night by Gin Wigmore

10:A song that makes you sad: Painter Song by Norah Jones

11:A song that you never get tired of: Movement by Hozier

12:A song from your preteen years: Rasputin and Brown Girl in the Ring (my mum liked Boney M lol)

13:One of your favorite 80’s songs: not quite 80s but Wuthering Heights

14:A song that you would love played at your wedding: I feel like this would depend on my spouse, like it would have to be a song we both loved? So I can't pick one for a slow dance but (might be cheating to repeat it) but I'd have to bust it down to London Thumakda

15:A song that is a cover by another artist: easy - Jennifer Warnes' cover of Joan of Arc

16:One of your favorite classical songs: oh where do I even start? currently I'm really enjoying Janet Baker's recording of Sea Pictures by Elgar bc my orchestra is going to play it! An all-time favourite would be the Largo from the Bach concerto for double violin, or as a cellist, I do have to give Le Cygne a shoutout!

17:A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke: In A Year by Hozier and Karen Cowley. the harmonies are *chef's kiss* and I could probably sing the lower part from memory

18:A song from the year that you were born: apparently Say My Name came out in 2000!

19:A song that makes you think about life: First Love by Emmy the Great

20:A song that has many meanings to you: answered this one already but The Shore by Wiretree

21:A favorite song with a person’s name in the title: Jackie and Wilson by Hozier

22:A song that moves you forward: No Plan by Hozier (yes I know that's the third or fourth Hozier song. I just really love Hozier)

23:A song that you think everybody should listen to: kinda struggling with this one like I don't think my taste is subjective lol. however I unironically think everyone should listen to WAP and think about their reaction to it and like, if it makes them uncomfortable, question whether they have the same pearl-clutching reaction to male rappers talking about their dicks, and why they have an issue with a genuinely fun, clever and unashamed song about female sexuality (also it's just objectively a good song)

24:A song by a band you wish were still together: again idk, i've never really been invested in a band just for the sake of it. however I would love the Pitch Perfect girlies to do an actual world tour so let's say their cover of Cheap Thrills or I Don't Like It, I Love It or even Love On Top since they did that one OOC as a fundraiser

25:A song by an artist no longer living: once again where do I even start lol.

26:A song that makes you want to fall in love: ehhhh I think I'm too aro for this shit. maybe Honeybee by Steam Powered GIraffe, just bc I realised I wanted them on this list.

27:A song that breaks your heart: Wish That You Were Here by Florence and the Machine

28:A song by an artist with a voice that you love: Barefoot by kd lang. voice like a velvet bedspread.

29:A song that you remember from your childhood: ok im having a bit of a crisis rn bc i'm thinking of a specific Bollywood song that I used to dance to with my aunt (a cool young 20something when I was a small child) and I can't remember how it goes any more :') but it was very peppy and we danced to it a lot

30:A song that reminds you of yourself: oh this is so hard! Steampunk Pixie by Frenchie and the Punk when I'm in an energetic mood, Village by Cam when I'm not, and in general and more recently, All Things End by Hozier which I do find a little difficult to listen to bc it's so raw for me lmao

@zackarley tagging you just to make sure you don't miss it after i typed all of this stuff out lol

#bestie thank you for this it was v fun to do and make me think a lot #*blows you an air kiss* (if acceptable of course or else an equivalent virtual gesture of affection)#via shitposts #ask games

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tessasocs · 4 years

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carina hawthorne + the second wizarding war (x)

“She supposed her father’s animagus was an omen of death after all.”

taglist: @witchofinterest @abbysarcane @the-october-reviewer @foxesandmagic @perfectlystiles @darknightfrombeyond @twinmasks @ocfairygodmother @bravelittleflower @iron-parkr @randomfandoming1 @j-mar-memester @misshiraeth98 @letthestarssing @darkwolf76 @suethor @butcherofblackwater @prophecy-grrl @john-silver @drbobbimorse @itsjustgracy @poe-tato-dameron

harry potter taglist: @a-song-of-quill-and-feather

#ocappreciation #allaboutocs #fyeahharrypotterocs #queerocs #ochub #oc: carina hawthorne #fic: the madness within #ship: frina #dyn: cariza #brotp: I'll carry you all the way #dyn: sirina #brotp: my daughter my heir #brotp: our family is always and forever #my edits #my ocs #{evil Tessa has come to play y'all}#{spoilers obviously}#{still on the fence of killing fred but for the purposes of this gifset he dead}#{someone give this poor girl a break}

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comfortablynumb · 2 years

Text

Marauders Mixtapes

Remus Lupin:

1. Why Am I Like This by Orla Gartland

2. Creep by Radiohead

3. Right Where You Left Me by Taylor Swift

4. Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High by Arctic Monkeys

5. Teenagers by My Chemical Romance

6. Look Who’s Inside Again by Bo Burnham

7. Getting Older by Billie Eilish

8. Seventeen Going Under by Sam Fender

9. I Bet on Losing Dogs by Mitski

10. Space Oddity by David Bowie

11. Under Pressure by Queen ft. David Bowie

12. Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift

13. Rock n’ Roll Suicide by David Bowie

14. Vienna by Billy Joel

15. Enough for You by Olivia Rodrigo

James Potter:

1. Line Without a Hook by Ricky Montgomery

2. All the Young Dudes by David Bowie

3. All You Need is Love by The Beatles

4. Can’t Buy Me Love by The Beatles

5. In My Life by The Beatles

6. There is a Light That Never Goes Out by The Smiths

7. Everybody Talks by Neon Trees

8. Don’t Blame Me by Taylor Swift

9. Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift

10. Can’t Take My Eyes Off You by Frankie Valli

11. Beggin’ by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons

12. Silly Love Songs by Paul McCartney

13. Heroes by David Bowie

14. Someone New by Hozier

15. Codependency by Orla Gartland

Sirius Black:

1. Bang Bang Bang Bang by Sohodolls

2. Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears

3. Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen

4. Good Ol’ Fashioned Loverboy by Queen

5. Somebody to Love by Queen

6. Bad Reputation by Joan Jett & The Blackhearts

7. When the Sun Goes Down by Arctic Monkeys

8. Two Birds by Regina Spektor

9. As it Was by Harry Styles

10. Trouble by Cage the Elephants

11. Kiwi by Harry Styles

12. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

13. How to Be a Heartbreaker by MARINA

14. Call Me by Blondie

15. Take me To Church by Hozier

Regulus Black:

1. I Want Love by Elton John

2. As the World Caves in by Matt Maltese

3. No Children by the Mountain Goats

4. Kill the Director by The Wambats

5. Love Me Dead by Ludo

6. More Like You by Orla Gartland

7. Twin Sized Mattresses by The Front Bottoms

8. Hayloft by Mother Mother

9. Hayloft II by Mother Mother

10. Cherry Wine by Hozier

11. Are You Satisfied by MARINA

12. Back to Black by Amy Winehouse

13. Asleep by The Smiths

14. Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths

15. Sex with a Ghost by Teddy Hyde

Lily Evans:

1. Mr. Perfectly Fine by Taylor Swift

2. Out of the Woods by Taylor Swift

3. The Winner Takes it All by ABBA

4. Lay All Your Love on Me by ABBA

5. Don’t Go Breaking my Heart by Elton John and Kiki Dee

6. Like Real People Do by Hozier

7. Crush by Tessa Violet

8. The Last Time by Taylor Swift ft. Gary Lightbody

9. You Don’t Own Me by Leslie Gore

10. Come On Eileen by Dexys Midnight Runners

11. Heartbreak Hotel by Elvis Presley

12. Jolene by Dolly Parton

13. Here You Come Again by Dolly Parton

14. I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor

15. Truth Hurts by Lizzo

Pandora Lestrange:

1. She’s Always a Woman by Billy Joel

2. Strawberry Blonde by Mitski

3. Washing Machine Heart by Mitski

4. Runaway by AURORA

5. Love Grows (Where my Rosemary Goes) by Edison Lighthouse

6. Hope Ur Ok by Olivia Rodrigo

7. Space Girl by Frances Forever

8. Training Wheels by Melanie Martinez

9. Want Me by Baby Queen

10. Fourth of July by the Lumineers

11. White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane

12. Happiness is a Butterfly

13. Thus Always to Tyrants by The Oh Hellos

14. The Bug Collector by Haley Heynderickx

15. Ophelia by the Lumineers

Barty Crouch jr.

1. Parents by YUNGBLUD

2. Who’s Sorry Now by Connie Francis

3. Happy Pills by Weathers

4. Wishful Drinking by Tessa Violet

5. Cocaine Jesus by Rainbow Kitten Surprise

6. Gives You Hell by the All-American Rejects

7. Basket Case by Green Day

8. Saint Bernard by Lincoln

9. Sippy Cup by Melanie Martinez

10. Tag You’re It by Melanie Martinez

11. Panic Room by Au/Ra

12. The Bidding by Tally Hall

13. My Alcoholic Friends by The Dresden Dolls

14. Arms Tonite by Mother Mother

15. The Cult of Dionysus by The Orion Experience

#harry potter headcanon #the marauders #marauders era #atyd marauders #james potter #remus lupin #sirius black #regulus black #lily evans #jegulus #jily #wolfstar #marauders #pandora lestrange #pandora lovegood #barty crouch junior #barty crouch jr

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cherrycheridarling · 3 years

Text

happier | t.h.

tom holland x singer!reader

warnings: swearing and sad. fluff if you squint

summary: you wish tom the best with his new relationship in your new song. {listen to happier by olivia rodrigo (if you want)}

wc: 3.6k

'We broke up a month ago,'

"I've been thinking," your heart sunk at his words, "I'm always working." he grabbed both of your hands.

You locked your gaze in his. Sat in the living room of his shared flat. Inches apart yet you could already feel the separation between the two of you growing.

He avoided your eye contact, "I-I can't be in a relationship unless I can give one hundred percent of myself to the other person. A-and I know I haven't been doing that to you, which is c-completely unfair." he wiped away a tear from your cheek that you didn't know had fell, "You've been so, so good to me. I'm sorry I wasn't better, but I can't keep putting you through this." his voice was barely audible.

You finally tore your eyes away from his face. His tear soaked face. Choosing to stare at a spot over his shoulder instead. You took three deep breaths. In and out. Something about his words made you confused, but your pain overpowered it.

"Please say something. Anything." he whispered against your knuckles. Holding your hands to his lips.

You gently removed your hands from his grip, "Thank you for being mature and honest with me." you started with a sniffle, "Thank you for all of our memories and for showing me what love is," you cupped his face, "Thank you for everything, loser." your light laugh lacked any humour, but it still brought a slight smile to his face.

He held your hand that was resting on his jaw, "I love you more than life itself, darling." he kissed your palm and you felt your heart shatter. "Never hesitate to call, dummy."

You nodded with a sad smile. "I love you, too." You stood up and made your way out of the door. A year and a half down the drain within ten minutes.

'Your friends are mine, you know I know you moved on. Found someone new.'

"Do you guys wanna do something on Saturday? I don't have work. Maybe karaoke?" you asked the group without looking up from your phone.

Harrison made a confused noise, "Did you forget? We have Nadia's birthday par—" you heard a loud smack, "—Ow! What? Oh, shit."

You looked up to see Zendaya, Jacob, Harry, Sam and Tuwaine all glaring at Harrison.

"Absolute div." Tuwaine muttered.

You furrowed your eyebrows, "Who's Nadia?" you looked at all of them as they avoided eye contact. "Daya?"

She let out a long sigh before clearing her throat, "Um, Nadia is- Well she's kind of- you know, um—"

"—Tom's new girlfriend." Sam finished for her.

Your mouth formed an 'o' shape as you processed the information. His new girlfriend. It'd been a month and four days since he ended your relationship. And he had a new girlfriend.

It took him a month to move on. A month to be able to give a hundred percent of himself to someone.

You couldn't tell if you were more angry or sad. Maybe a mixture of both. Angry that your friends were hiding information from you, but at the same time you understood their intentions. Sad and upset because the boy who told you he wasn't ready to give a hundred percent of himself was already with someone new.

You slowly nodded, "Oh, okay. Well, I hope you guys have fun." you gave a tight lipped smile before looking back at your phone.

Everyone glanced at each other worriedly before allowing their gazes to fall on you again.

"How do you feel?" Jacob asked cautiously.

You locked your phone and set it on your lap, "I'm fine." you faked a smile, "I think I'm gonna head home, though. It's getting late and I have an early studio session. Bye." you quickly grabbed your purse and left with a small wave.

"Y/N! Wait—" the slamming of the front door cut Tuwaine off.

It was three p.m. and you weren't supposed to be in the studio until noon.

'One more girl who brings out the better in you,'

"Y/N/N. You need to talk about it sooner or later." Zendaya reminded you as she sat at the end of your bed with Harrison beside her.

You removed the covers from your face, revealing your tear stained cheeks, "Does she make him happy?"

There was silence from your two friends before they hesitantly nodded. Both weren't completely sure, but they assumed she did.

"Does she bring out the best version of him? Does she stroke his hair while they cuddle? Does she cook with him? Does she walk Tessa with him?"

Harrison sighed, "Y/N/N, we—"

"—Because that's what I did. I brought out the best side of him. I stroked his hair while we cuddled. I cooked with him. I walked Tessa with him. I did it all. Every single thing." your voice broke towards the end as you let the sobs rack through your body.

Harrison and Zendaya went to either side of you and held you. They just held you. Because even they didn't know what to do.

'And I thought my heart was detached from all the sunlight of our past,'

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Zendaya asked as you walked towards Tom's front door.

You nodded and smoothed down your sundress, "Yeah. We ended on good terms. It's been two months or so. We're friends. Plus, I miss hanging out with all of us." you assured her.

She sighed before knocking on the door, "Alright."

A few moments later the door swung open revealing Tom. Dressed in black jeans and a white button-up. Sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Curls dangling over his forehead. A sweet smile on his lips.

You felt your stomach lurch. Air leaving your lungs involuntarily. Heart rate quickening. You could smell his cologne and every single memory with him clouded your mind.

"Hey! It's great to see you guys—"

"—Sorry. I-I think I left something in the car. One second." you rushed out the words before turning on your heel.

Zendaya let out a long sigh, "Fuck."

Tom frowned, "Did I do something wrong?"

'But she's so sweet, she's so pretty. Does she mean you forgot about me?'

"Y/N!" an unfamiliar voice called out to you from somewhere in the boys' backyard.

It was Harrison's annual barbecue get together. Nearly three months since your break up with Tom.

You turned towards the source of the noise and found a girl walking towards you. Brunette. Tight black dress with black heels. Body and face of a model.

"I've been dying to meet you! I'm such a huge fan. I basically live off of your music." she giggled as she hugged you.

You smiled, "Aw! Thank you! That means so much to me. You look amazing, by the way."

She laughed, "Thank you! But you're absolutely gorgeous! Sorry, I completely forgot to introduce myself. I'm Nadia, Tom's girlfriend."

Of fucking course.

You raised your eyebrows, but managed to keep a smile on your face, "Oh! I've heard so much about you! Well, Tom's one lucky guy," you chuckled, "I'd love to chat some more, but I need to use the washroom. Excuse me. It was a pleasure meeting you." you gave her a hoaxed smile before quickly walking away.

You were two feet away from the washroom when Zendaya grabbed your arm, "What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost or something."

Your breaths were coming out in short puffs, "I just met Nadia?"

Her eyes widened before she dragged you towards Tuwaine's room, "Okay. Let's sit down."

'Oh, I hope you're happy, but not like how you were with me. I'm selfish, I know. I can't let you go,'

"You should move in here." Tom mumbled against your shirt.

You let out a small laugh, "You already have four roommates, love. One more might turn this into a barn."

He lifted his head off of your chest, "I'm serious. Driving from Manchester to Kingston all the time is such a hassle for you. We have recording studios here and it would make me the happiest man in the world if I could wake up to your gorgeousness everyday." he planted kisses on your forehead, nose and lips.

You chuckled at his boyish grin, "It's only a three hour drive and I'm sure the boys don't want me imposing on your time with them."

He quickly shook his head, "I already talked to them about it and they want you here, too."

You raised your eyebrows, "Well, if you're sure it'll make you the happiest man in the world, I'll think about it."

"You already make me the happiest man in the world, but I needed something to convince you." he rested his head on your chest again as you laughed.

'So find someone great, but don't find no one better. I hope you're happy, but don't be happier.'

"Are we ordering pizza?" Harrison yawned from beside you on the couch.

"Sushi?" you grinned hopefully.

Tuwaine shook his head, "We had sushi last night."

"Tom and I are making dinner for you guys!" Nadia reminded you from the kitchen.

Her arms wrapped around Tom's waist as he stirred whatever was in the pan he had on the stove.

You really hated their open floor layout at that moment since there wasn't a wall to block them from your view.

"Oh, yeah. What're you making?" Sam asked.

"Salmon with rice and steamed veggies." Tom answered without looking up from the pan.

Everyone made noises of realization as you turned to Harry, "Aliens or a tiger. Which do you think you could beat in a fight?" he asked.

You laughed before replying, "Hmm, depends. Are the aliens small or—"

"Tommy!" you heard a girly giggle and turned to see Tom with Nadia over his shoulder as they laughed and ran around the kitchen.

You quickly diverted your gaze to the coffee table. Forgetting about Harry's absurd question. All eyes were on you.

"What?" you asked when you finally looked up at your friends.

"Are you okay?" Harrison frowned from beside you before resting his head on your shoulder.

You let out a dry, quiet laugh, "Of course. As long as he's happy."

The looks of pity you received were almost as painful as the scene you witnessed moments ago.

'And do you tell her she's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen? An eternal love bullshit you know you'll never mean,'

"Premiere day!" Zendaya walked into your shared hotel room with a bright smile, Nadia following behind her.

You faked a smile as you applied another coat of mascara, "You girls look gorgeous."

Zendaya was in a red and black sequin gown. Hair down and heels on. Nadia was dressed in a maroon silk dress with a slit on the side. Black heels dawning her feet. Both had makeup and accessories on matching their attire.

You were in an emerald green gown with a slit running down your left leg. Silver heels and silver jewellery to match.

"So do you!" Nadia exclaimed as she sat on Zendaya's bed.

"Are the boys coming soo—" Zendaya got cut off by three loud knocks on the door.

"I'll get it!" Nadia jumped up and opened the door.

Tom was stood before her in a maroon suit. Matching her dress. Black dress shoes. Matching her heels. Glasses on and a bright smile.

You watched as Tom ran his eyes down Nadia's outfit, "Well, aren't you just the most beautiful girl in the world?" he planted a kiss on her lips as you witnessed with envy.

"Aw, Tommy. I love you."

"I love you more, darling." he grinned before looking behind her.

Heart wrenching pain struck you again.

You watched as his mouth fell open by the slightest bit. Eyes growing wider.

He quickly snapped out of his daze, placing a pearly white smile on, "You two look absolutely stunning."

You acknowledged his compliment with a curt nod.

Zendaya let out a laugh, "Yup. About to out do you at your own premiere."

'Remember when I believed you meant it when you said it first to me?'

"Green or white?" you held up both dresses against your body.

Tom looked up from his phone, "Both of them will look amazing on you, love."

You sighed, "I appreciate the compliment, but I am meeting Sebastian Stan tonight. Now is not the time for indecisiveness. One of them will make me look bad and I need to know which one."

The Infinity War premiere was in two hours and your anxiety was growing by the minute.

"C'mere." he motioned you towards him with a 'come hither' gesture as he sat on the edge of the hotel bed. You made your way towards him. Standing in between his legs as he wrapped his arms around your waist, "You are the most beautiful girl in the world. Absolutely gorgeous. You could make the ugliest dress look like something from a fairytale."

Your smile grew as he kissed your stomach, "Thank you, mi amor." you bent down and placed a peck on his forehead, leaning your head against his, you whispered, "Now, green or white?"

He chuckled and pecked your lips, "White."

You smiled before making your way to put on the white dress, "I love you."

"I love you more, darling."

'And now I'm picking her apart. Like cutting her down will make you miss my wretched heart. But she's beautiful, she looks kind. She probably gives you butterflies.'

"I don't like her." you murmured.

Zendaya chuckled, "Nadia? You barely know the girl."

You nodded, "And I don't like her. I don't like her giggles and her nickname for him. I don't like her hair."

You knew you were looking for things to dislike, but there weren't any. She was a fan of your music, she complimented you all the time. She was genuinely a great person.

She sighed, "No, you don't like the fact that she's dating Tom. If she wasn't, you wouldn't be saying any of this."

You rolled your eyes and glared at her, "Can you let me be angry?"

She laid herself down on your mattress, "Nope. If you wanna be angry, be angry at Tom. Nadia hasn't done anything to you. You're better than this."

"God, I hate your optimistic side sometimes." you threw a pillow at her.

She laughed, "One of us needs to be the optimist."

You sighed, "Do you think he misses me?"

"Yes." she replied without hesitation.

You sat up and furrowed your eyebrows, "What makes you say that?"

She let out a long breath, "You need to talk to him about that."

'I hope you're happy. I wish you all the best, really. Say you love her, baby. Just not like you loved me. And think of me fondly when your hands are on her. I hope you're happy, but don't be happier.'

"And you're dead." you dropped the controller on your lap as you defeated Harrison in Super Smash Bros again.

He huffed like a child, "Unfair. I taught you how to play, how'd you get better than me?"

"Actually, I taught her how to play. And I am ten times better than you." Tuwaine corrected him.

Harrison scoffed, "Whatever. Sweaty nerds, the both of you."

Nadia spoke up from Tom's lap, "Can I try?"

You nodded, "Who do you wanna go against?"

She chuckled, "I think I'll verse Harrison. Seeing as how Y/N just kicked your ass, I wanna at least have a chance."

Her comment made you laugh as you handed her the controller and watched them pick their characters. You watched as Tom set his phone down and focused on the screen where his girlfriend chose Pichu.

"Choose Kirby." Tom told her.

She furrowed her eyebrows, "Why? Pichu is so cute."

"Y/N always plays as Kirby and she always wins. With that stupid power absorbing ability." he chuckled as his eyes landed on you.

You felt your heart skip a beat at the small detail he remembered before you played it off with a light laugh, "Not my fault you thought Luigi could beat Kirby everytime we played."

'Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo,'

You pressed on the keys of the piano in the boys' home. Singing your heart out. You still had your spare key and Harrison told you no one was home.

You were waiting for them to return from golfing so you could have your Sunday night dinners. It's been nearly four months since your breakup with Tom. Your album was due to be released on May twenty-first and you were letting the still evident pain fuel your lyrics.

"I hope you're happy, just not like how you were with me. I'm selfish, I know. I can't let you go. So find someone great, but don't find no one better. I hope you're happy, but don't be happier." you faded out the piano and pressed stop on the recording on your phone.

Writing down small notes about the song and things to tweak, your thoughts were quickly interrupted.

"I'm not."

Your head snapped up. Tom was leaning against the doorframe behind you. Tears escaping his eyes.

"T-Tom. I'm sorry. Haz told me the house was empty and I just started playing and- Wait. What did you say?" realization dawned on you.

He stepped closer and sat beside you on the piano bench, "I'm not happier. Hell, I'm not even happy." he gave a pathetic attempt at a laugh, staring straight at the black and white keys.

Your mind was trying to catch up with everything happening, trying to register his words, the state he was in. Grey sweats, black tee. Messy hair and red eyes.

"Why?"

He released a heavy sigh, "There's so many things you could be asking 'why' about. Why did I break up with you? Why am I with Nadia? Why am I not happy? Why the hell am I crying? Which one is it, Y/L/N?"

You blinked a few times, "All of them."

He sniffled and rubbed his face, "I felt like I was holding you back." he started, catching a glimpse of your confused expression, he continued, "You hadn't released any music in over year. There were so many articles saying that I was the reason that the biggest pop star in the world was quitting music. I didn't want to be the reason for that."

"You weren't and you aren't." you assured him.

He shrugged, "I just felt like you would do a lot better without me. And you are. Look at you, your fifth album is coming out next month." he nudged you with his shoulder, "I'm proud of you," he smiled.

"T-thank you."

He nodded, "Anyways, why am I with Nadia? Um, a few days after we broke up, I went to a friend's place to distract myself, as one does. She was there. She was a distraction. I never meant for it to get this far. You know, she actually asked me to be her boyfriend." he chuckled dryly to himself as you listened intently. "I guess, I thought it'd be easier to move on if I had something else to pour my love into?"

You nodded slowly, "Okay, I somewhat get that. So you really do love her?"

He quickly shook his head, "No, no, I don't. I mean, I can't. No one can truly love two people at once. And I think that answers the question of why I'm not happy." he paused and faced you completely, "I'm crying because hearing that song and hearing how evident your pain in it is, that will make anyone cry. I'm crying because I miss you and I miss us. I-I miss what we had and what we were. I miss your kisses and your stupid jokes that only you laugh at. I miss going on walks with you and Tess. I just miss you."

There was a long period of silence after his confession. You were trying to process all the information he was giving. He was cursing himself for being so straightforward. The longer it went without a response from you, the more anxious he got. He grabbed your hands, holding them to his lips.

"Please say something. Anything."

Déjà vu.

You swallowed, "You want honesty?" he nodded, "Okay, I was so mad at you. I-I was infuriated. Y-you told me you weren't ready to give a hundred percent of yourself and that you couldn't be in a relationship until you could give all of yourself to that person. Then a month later, you're with her. Making me feel like you just couldn't give yourself to me." you paused and shook your head, "You could've told me the truth. You should've told me the truth. We could've talked about it. We could've avoided months of awkward run ins and no communication." he nodded, still holding your hands in his, "I'm not gonna lie and say I don't miss you because I do, I miss you more than anything, but we shouldn't be doing this or saying these things while you're with her." you removed your hands from his.

He spent a moment looking down at his fingers. Releasing short breaths. "I don't want to be with her."

"But you are. And I don't want you to break up with her for me. Because that's not how things work, Tom. But you shouldn't stay with her either. Especially if this is how you're feeling. That's just unfair to her." you shook your head and felt your mind clear.

He nodded and met your gaze, "This is the end of us, huh?"

You shook your head, "I don't think there will ever be an end to us." you laughed dryly.

He agreed with a smile, "For forever and a day, remember?"

You nodded, "For forever and a day."

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itsallyscorner · 3 years

Text

Bring Me Back

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Filming “Cherry” had its ups and downs for Tom. When filming finally takes its toll on him, you’re there to instantly bring him back from the world of Cherry.

Warnings: Mentions of drug abuse, PTSD, murder. A smidge of smut.

A/n: In honor of the Cherry🍒 trailer dropping, I decided to write this!

(GIF creds: @atealiers )

Any kind of project was a blessing to Tom. He loved being an actor. He was fond of telling stories through the big screen and got a kick from portraying many different characters. Acting was something he felt passionate about, it was his craft and he was very dedicated when it came to becoming his roles. Cherry was quite different from the other movies he’s been in. It was dark and contained many subjects like drug addiction, PTSD, and crime. The world of Cherry was something Tom was not used to; it was twisted. He hasn’t been exposed to things like drugs or the events that Nico Walker had been through. Which was why he was hesitant to take on the role of Cherry.

When the Russo Brothers approached him with the idea, he was excited. He was getting the opportunity to tell another story and would explore the world of a new character. Though the more he looked into it, he realized that maybe he wasn’t up for the role. Was he really ready to dive into the dark and traumatizing life of Nico Walker? As an actor, he was willing to take the job, it would give him an opportunity to expand his career and would possibly be one of his best work. As Tom, he wasn’t sure if he could handle learning or re-enacting the events that occurred in Cherry. But Tom did like a challenge, which was why he ended up agreeing to become Cherry.

He prepared himself mentally and physically pre- production. For research, he interviewed army veterans and former drug addicts to get an idea of what it was like to be in those positions. To get the look of Cherry, he did a variety of things. For example, going on a diet and losing weight, then gaining said weight again once they had to shoot the army scenes. Another thing he did was shave off the gorgeous brown curls that adorned his head. At first you weren’t too happy with his change in hairstyle, but later on you found yourself running your hands along the short strands of hair, loving the fuzzy feeling it gave your palms.

After the interviews and hearing others’ experience, Tom felt a level of responsibility to tell the story of millions of people around the world. Not only was it telling the story of Nico, but of other army veterans who suffered from PTSD and people who’ve had drug addictions. He was fully on board now and there was no looking back. He was going to push himself to the limit and to places he’s never been before.

Filming was tough. There were scenes he had to do that were so unlike him, that felt wrong, and sometimes he just had to take a step back. They didn’t feel right, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. This was his job, if he wanted this movie to be the best that it can, he was going to commit. Thankfully, he was working with the Russos, who he’s known for a while now. He was familiar with the two and they were patient with him, giving him the time to regain himself before shooting an intense scene. The cast and crew were very understanding as well, creating a safe space for him on set. Having Harry along with him helped as well, the familiarity of his brother kept him grounded and avoided him from falling into the void of Cherry. Though he had all these supportive people around him, there was only one person who could calm him down when things got suffocating on set. The only person he wanted to be in Cleveland with him but wasn’t. You. Since you had your own life and job, you were unable to fly out to Cleveland with him. Instead you stayed at your shared home with Tessa as company. All he needed was you when he felt the affects of Cherry caging in on him. Just the sound of your comforting voice over the phone could clear his head and make him breath again.

He had his bad days on set, where he would have to take a moment and hide in his trailer for a few minutes. During those few minutes he liked to be alone as he waited for you to answer your phone. The line would ring, it’d stop, then the sound of your sweet voice would be the only thing he’d hear. Sometimes you didn’t answer the first time, but nonetheless you answered eventually. It wasn’t the same as having you with him in person, you had your responsibilities, and he understood that. He just wished that one day you’d come to Cleveland. He wanted to be in your arms, stuff his face into your neck, breath in your familiar scent, he just wanted to feel you. You were his home. His safe haven. And it was all he wanted right now.

•

Glancing at your phone, you wondered why Tom hasn’t texted you yet. Not that you were itching for him to text you, but because around this time he would be blowing up your phone telling you things that happened during filming or how his day was going. You decided that filming probably went into overtime making him busy during his break. You shrug to yourself and continue working on your laptop.

You hear the sound of Tessa’s nails clicking against the floors as she enters the office of your home. You greet her with a smile as she settles herself beside your legs.

“Is it dinner time already, Tess?” You scratch her head as you glance at the time on your screen. It was currently nine at night, a bit late for dinner, but you haven’t noticed.

“Just give me five more minutes and I’ll get us dinner. How does that sound, love?” A somewhat sound of approval emits from Tessa. You get back to work, fingers typing away as you finish off the last of your work.

You finish in four minutes, finally satisfied with your work. You let out a content sigh and turn your laptop off. When you get up you stretch and let your bones crack after being in the same position for hours. Tessa joins you, stretching out her front paws then shaking her body out. You chuckle as you lead the way to the kitchen. Taking the scoop for Tessa’s kibble, you fill her bowl up, causing the dog to look up in curiosity. Once you placed the bowl down, her tail wagged wildly as she stuffed her face into her food.

You decided on going for something simple, ramen noodles. You were too tired too cook anything and ramen noodles were the quickest thing to cook in your pantry. While you waited for the noodles to heat up you checked your phone. You went through your notifications, but there were still no texts from Tom. Though you were concerned, you assumed that they had a long shooting day, making him too busy to text.

Hi love! I hope you’re doing well in Cleveland. I know you’re probably busy, but hopefully filming isn’t tiring you out too much. Have an amazing day! Don’t forget to drink some water from time to time and eat :) Tess and I miss you and love you so much! Talk soon xxx

You send the text with a smile. He won’t read it till he was free or done with filming, but you knew he’d see the message while you were asleep.

The microwave beeps, letting you know that your food was done. You end your night catching up on episodes of New Girl and eating soup. When you were done you did your nightly routine and settled in bed. You turn the lights off and snuggled under the warm sheets.

“Night Tessa.” You whisper to her. A huff comes out of her as she makes herself comfortable on the foot of your bed. When the both of you were settled, you slowly drifted off to sleep.

Buzz

The harsh vibrations of your phone shook you awake. Desperate for sleep, you blindly grab your phone and turn it off. Silence fills the room again as you turn around to stuff your face into Tom’s pillow. You were slowly drifting back to sleep when your phone began to vibrate again. With a groan you stretch back and snatch for phone off the night stand. You don’t bother looking at the caller id.

“Hello?” Your voice rasps out.

“Thank God you answered.” The person on the other line said. “I know you’re busy, but how soon can you visit Cleveland?” The deep voice was belonged to Harry.

“Uh—I’m not too sure, I’ll need to check in with my boss.” You reply. When you start feeling more awake you become curious as to why Harry can be calling you. “Why? Is everything ok? How’s Tom? I haven’t heard from him all day.”

The younger Holland sighs. He takes a moment to answer your questions making you suffer in silence, wondering what could have happened to your boyfriend. “Um, they’ve been shooting some intense scenes lately. Tom’s been trying his best but everyone’s noticed that he’s been a bit different.”

You sit up in bed feeling more awake. “What do you mean by different, Haz?”

“Well he’s snapped at the Russos quite a few times. There was this one scene, that they shot multiple times, and Tom would just break down after every one. (Y/n), I’m concerned for my brother, I don’t know what else to do. He’s locked himself in his room after every shoot. A—and I don’t know. I’ve tried to tell him that he can talk to me but he wouldn’t.” Harry explained, his voice croaked. You heart felt heavy for him. Harry was always there for his older brother, so to see him feel so helpless made you feel sorry.

“Haz, calm down, you know how your brother can get. How long has this been happening?”

Harry sniffed over the phone, “About a few weeks now. It’s only started becoming worse last week and now.”

The concern you felt for Tom grew. From what he’s been texting you, filming had been going great. He appeared happy on your FaceTime calls and sounded like his usual self. But maybe he actually wasn’t.

“Harry everything’s gonna be fine, alright?” You assure him. “I’ll call my boss first thing in the morning and when I get the ‘ok’ to leave I’ll get the first flight out to Cleveland. How’s that sound?”

“It sounds good. Can you tell me if you can make it? I’ll have someone come with me to pick you up at the airport.” His voice is quiet, almost muffled.

“Yeah I will, don’t worry.”

“Ok, thank you (y/n).” A small smile forms on your lips. You rub the sleep out your eyes as you glance at your closet. “Alright Haz, I’m gonna go now. But if there’s anything else, just text me or call.”

“I know, stay safe (y/n).” You bid him goodbye and place your phone on the empty space beside your side of the bed. Tom’s side of the bed. You bite your lip in thought as you worry about your boyfriend. You knew he was doing almost everything he can to make sure the movie came out perfect. If that meant shredding himself emotionally and physically, he was going to do it. Tom was dedicated to his work, but he’s never done anything close to Cherry, making you worried about the thoughts that could possibly be going through your lover’s head.

Tessa, who’s now woken up, waddles closer to you, sensing your uneasiness. You appreciate the dog’s gesture and pull her into your side, resting your chin on her head. You were basically sleepless the whole night. Although you haven’t emailed your boss yet, you already had a suitcase packed of your clothes. Your passport and other important belongings were already in a bag, ready to leave London.

The morning had been hectic. You’ve managed to get two hours of sleep, waking up at six in the morning. Still in bed, you sent your boss an email about a family emergency and how you needed to be out of the country for at least a week. As if the gods above knew of your situation, your boss willingly let you go, no questions asked and gave you well wishes. With that out the way, you scowered the Internet for flights to Cleveland. Luck was on your side that morning because you’ve booked a flight that took off in the afternoon. With your bags packed, you drove to Nikki and Dom’s to drop off Tessa.

Now all checked in, you were at Heathrow Airport waiting to be called for your flight. You were sat at your gate, with an iced coffee and a croissant from Starbucks, texting Harry. The two of you were discussing the time you’d arrive and how he’d pick you up. When you were both in agreement, you two decided to catch up. He had been in Tom’s trailer eating his breakfast. An hour passes and you were being called to board the plane.

You settle in your seat, but your leg bounced in anticipation. After the things Harry told you, you just wanted to have your boyfriend in your arms. You knew everything was probably getting to his head, all you wanted to do was hold him and tell him that he was going to be ok. As the plane began to take off, your lack of sleep caught up on you. Throughout the whole flight, you slept soundly, the worries of Tom subsiding for the time being.

~🛬~

The plane lands in Cleveland safely. It was night when you arrived. With your bags, you looked around the airport for a familiar curly haired boy. Harry waves wildly at you before running and pulling you into a tight hug. You laugh wrapping your arms around the slender boy.

“How’s your day been, Haz?” You ruffle his hair as he rolls your suitcase to the parking lot. He shrugs, “The usual. Was on set with Tom, ran around and got things for him, nothing much happened honestly. But you’re here now, so this is the highlight of my night.”

The two of you approach a black car with a driver inside, Harry motions for him to unlock the trunk. He lifts your case in before the two of you get into the backseat.

“How was your flight?” Harry asks you. The car began to move, exiting the airport and entering the highway.

“I slept through all of it, I don’t remember a thing about the flight besides getting on and off it.” You chuckle, leaning your head back against the headrest.

Harry nudges your shoulder, “Thanks for coming out with such short notice.” You wave him off. “It’s no worries, anything for my boys.”

The car is quiet, the only sounds that could be heard is the car’s wheels against the pavement. You turn to Harry, “How was he today?”

“He was pretty good in the morning.” Harry started. “Then filming started and he would grow frustrated after a few scenes. His temper’s been short. He snapped at me during lunch, which is normal, but I just asked him if he wanted some water. He broke down after a certain scene today, I tried talking to him but he still wouldn’t open up about it.” Tom wasn’t too open about his feelings sometimes. He struggled to voice them at times making all his frustrations and feelings bottled up in his head.

Half an hour later and you guys arrive at Tom’s rented home in Atlanta. As soon as you opened the door, you felt the heavy atmosphere. It was somber and tense, the chilliness of the weather also felt inside the house. Harry gestures up the stairs, “Don’t worry, go see him. His room is the first door on the left.”

You quietly thank him and climb up the stairs. You find his door, taking a deep breath before knocking. You hear some shuffling behind the door, “Harry I’m fine! Leave me alone!” His voice was deep, a bit scratchy. You frown at the door.

“Tom?” The room falls quiet. Suddenly you hear fumbling and the sound of heavy footsteps behind the door. The door opens and you finally see him. He was dressed in a large shirt with sweatpants. He looked tired, dark circles under his eyes, eyes glassy, and chapped lips.

“(Y/n)? You’re here?” He asks you in disbelief. A tight lipped grin forms on your lips.

“Yeah, Har—“ You were going to explain how you got there but he immediately threw himself at you. His arms wrap tightly around your figure, his head dipped into your neck, pulling your closer into him. One of your arms go around his neck while the other rubs his back soothingly. A whimper bubbles out of him, his shoulders beginning to shake. You managed to shuffle the both of you back into his room, closing the door behind you.

“You’re ok.” You whisper into his ear, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck. His grip around you never falters. Though he was much taller than you, he seemed so small at the moment. His body drowned in the shirt he wore, making him look thinner. You feel tears soaking into your shirt, making your heart clench in pain. You rest your forehead against his shoulder, holding and whispering sweet nothings into his ear until he was ready to speak.

A few minutes pass until his removes his head from your neck. You frown at his tear stained face, his eyes and cheeks red from quietly sobbing into your shoulder. Your hands cup his face, wiping the trails of tears on his cheeks. Tom leans closer to your touch, his eyes shut while his lips kiss your palm.

“I’m sorry, you’re probably tired from the flight.” He apologizes but you shake your head. You lead him to his bed and sit against the headboard. Tom follows in suit, desperately trying to get closer to you. His arms wrap around your torso, his head rests on your chest, while your legs tangle themselves together.

“I’ve had plenty of sleep on the flight, how are you?” Your lips are against his short hair from holding him so close. You nails scratch softly at his hair, calming him down.

“I don’t know if I could finish it.” He quietly admits. He shakes his head at himself.

“Why’s that, Tom?” Your boyfriend takes a deep breath as he sits up, removing himself from your touch. He sits across from you with legs crossed as he holds his head in his hands.

“I—I, it’s too much. There’s so much fucked up things he’s done. And all the things he’s seen. I just—sometimes I feel like it’s me who’s committed all of those things. When we shoot the scenes in the war and when I had to do drugs and rob banks, I felt like I lost myself—“ He cries interrupting himself to take a breath in. Compared to your fingers that ran gently through his hair, his clawed at his head. His palms rub harshly at his face, turning his skin a bright tint of red. To see Tom in such pain made you sad. You hated seeing him like this.

You gently remove his hands from scratching at his face and hold them in his lap. He stares down at your hands, clinging onto them as if his life depended on it. “I get lost in the character sometimes and I have to pull myself out of it to bring me back. But it keeps on happening over and over again. Then the Russos kept telling me to reshoot the scene more like Cherry, and I lost it and yelled at them.” You feel his tears fall to your your hands, making tears well up in your own eyes. You shuffle closer to him and kiss his forehead before pulling him into you. You stay quiet, letting him get whatever he wanted to get out.

Tom’s face is against your shoulder again. He sniffs before continuing, “It’s like everyday I find something he and I have in common. Then I think that maybe I’m turning into him. I don’t want him to be part of me. (Y/n), I don’t want to be him, I don’t want to do the things he’s done.” He sobs into your shoulder. Your heart breaks at how broken he sounded. His shoulders shook again, his back burning up with tension. A few tears made it’s way down your cheeks as you pulled his face away from you.

“Look at me.” You urged him. His jaw clenched, still looking down at his lap. He shook his head in response. “Tom, please. Look at me.” Your voice cracks. He slowly tilts his head up, your eyes connecting. He didn’t have that twinkle in his eyes, it’s like they’ve lost the light in them. Instead they were dark, like there was no life behind them. There was a mix of sadness, confusion, and even fear in his eyes.

You sadly smiled at him, cupping his face with your hands. “You’re not going to be him. You never will. You’re Tom. You are nothing close to Nico or Cherry. You are the sweetest man I have known in the world, you wouldn’t even hurt a damn fly. You’re not him. I know you aren’t. You wouldn’t do the things he’s ever done even if you were forced to. I know you Tom, I assure you, you’re nothing like him.” Tom hiccups, gripping onto your wrists.

“When this is all over and you’re done filming, we can forget about him. We won’t even mention him.” You assure him, stroking his cheeks.

“What if—,” You cut him off.

“No, there’s no what if’s. You’re going to be fine Tom. You’re surrounded by people who love you and will make you realize that you’re nothing even near him. You are the kindest man ever, you love your family, you care about your fans, and your brothers. You’re busy always taking care of everyone else, I think it’s time you take care of yourself, love.” You tell him. A small smile is on your face but it falters, “You don’t have to go through this alone, Tom.”

Tom takes a shaky breath in. “You’ll be there right?” He asks like a child making sure his mother will be there when he wakes up. “You’ll be there with me to bring me back?”

Your thumb smooths the crinkle between his brows, “I always will. I promise.” He nods and pulls you into him. You climb onto his lap and settle on his legs. He stares up at you, one of his his hands supporting your back, the other pressed against your cheek. “Thank you. I missed you so much. I’m sorry for not texting, everything’s just been so taxing mentally and physically.”

“No, don’t worry I get it.” You turn your face to press a light kiss on his palm. For the first time since you’ve seen him, Tom managed to crack a smile on his lips. He moves some strands of hair away from your face before resting his large hand on the back of your head. “I love you. I love you so much, (y/n).”

“I love you too, Tom.” You whisper against his lips. He takes that as a sign to finally crash your lips together. After months being apart, the feeling of his lips against yours felt like coming home. The kiss was desperate, like it was the air you both breathed. Tom had been longing for your touch, he craved you every second of the day, whether it be sexually or just missing you. The kiss grew rough, your teeth clashing, tongues poking and gliding against each other.

Tom lays you down on the bed, hovering over you. His hands grab and stroke at your body, trying to pull off your clothes to get close to your skin. He suddenly pulls away from your lips. “I need you. Please, I need you.” He almost begs you. Panting, you nod and push him to lay on his back. “Ok, let me take care of you, Tommy.”

He yanks his shirt off, throwing it to the side. You do the same, leaning down to meet his lips again. You kiss your way along his jaw and down to his neck. When you find that certain spot, he lets out a throaty groan, head falling back against the pillows. You run your nails along his chiseled abs and slightly roll your hips against his growing length. Tom grunts, hands instantly connecting to your ass and gripping onto your cheeks. He helps you roll your hips more, deeper with more friction against you two.

“Mm, Tom. I missed you.” You moan against his neck. You bite down and soothe the spot with your tongue after.

Tom looks down at you, lifting his hips to meet your clothes pussy. “Fucking miss you so much. You have no idea how much I’ve been dreaming of being buried in you again.” You kiss your way down his chest, but Tom stops you. His hands grab onto your leggings and slide them off.

“N-no foreplay. I need to feel you.” He stutters out, mouth agape. You nod in agreement and take his sweatpants off along with his boxers. You spit in your hand, running your hand along his dick to give it some wetness. Tom helps you lift yourself over him and guides your hips down his erected cock. You let out a combination of a sigh and moan as your walls envelop and stretch around him. Tom slightly sits up against the headboard, your tightness wrapping around him. He lets out a cry of relief, your walls around him feeding his cravings. You use his shoulders as leverage to pull yourself up but Tom stops you.

“What’s wrong?” You eye him cautiously. Tom shakes his head, “Nothing’s wrong. I just—can we stay like this for a while? I just want to feel you, please?”

“Yeah, we can do that.” You send him a reassuring smile as you settle back down on him. His hands make themselves comfortable around your waist. You maneuver your arms under his and wrap them around his back. Tom smiles at you, rubbing your back and guiding you into his chest. Before you can nuzzle your face into his neck, he presses a kiss to your temple and lets his fingers get tangled in your hair.

With his eyes closed in bliss, he whispers, “Thank you for bringing me back. I love you.”

You kiss his collarbone basking in the feeling him being so close to you. “I’ll always be here. I love you too.”

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