Not going to actually tag this with his name, this is mostly for y'all following me and for my own piece of mind, but:

I cannot express how horrified I was when I watched Harris's video. How I felt like somebody had doused me in cold water, how reality slapped me in the face. I had, in my relief of finally submitting my thesis, forgotten plagiarists existed. Specifically, people who hunt down Bachelor papers to use because they're made by students, because we're oftentimes not actively looking up the topic of our thesis anymore. I spent a ridiculous amount of time googling my own topic to check if something may have happened, paranoid it might have happened. And, in hindsight, I know why I did it, even if back then it may have felt irrational; because I fought tooth and nail to finish that paper, to write it and submit it and pass it. I poured blood, sweat, and tears into it, and the possibility of somebody just stealing that felt infuriating. They just took the easy road whilst I laboured to get it done despite everything trying to stop me. That idea infuriated me, and it still does. I still feel that rage at the mere thought.

I just. I cannot understand anyone who thinks plagiarism "isn't a big deal". I don't understand the people defending this asshole for doing what he did, for telling us all that our feelings don't matter, that our work doesn't matter. I just. I feel so angry about all of this.

I also find it both ridiculously funny and blood-boiling infuriating that Norway is still having its own plagiarism scandals. Some of our elected officials are still being called out for it (one of them in our fucking education department!!), and still denying it! I cannot escape this shit, of being told that our concerns don't matter! Plagiarism is theft! What's so hard to understand about that?!

A Very Rose Mistake (III)

Part 3 : How You Told Your Parents

 Here we go with a new chapter! I know that today is Golden day as the music video dropped this afternoon, but I had planned to post the chapter, so let's go anyway! It just means more Harry for today, and who can pretend like there is something like too much Harry? Certainly not me!

So here is another cute and light-hearted chapter! I hope you all like it! No warnings of any kind!

Please, tell me what you think of this new chapter!

Pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

Word Count : 3535

                                                              I

                                              Holmes Chapel, 2003

 "HAAAA!"

"HARRY SLOW DOWN!"

"I CAN'T!"

"WE'RE GONNA CRASH!"

"WE'RE GONNA CRASH!"

The next second you were disappearing into a pile of fresh snow.

You shuffled away from the sledge and out of the snow to stand on your feet again. You looked for your best friend in the messy white powder, but couldn't see him anywhere.

"Harry?" You called. "It's not funny! Come on, we need to bring it back up the hill. We need to move out of the way or Gemma is gonna crash into us!"

But you were met with silence, and started to be properly worried.

Was he hurt? He could have hit his head on something... what if he had broken one of his bones!? Your friend Daniel had broken his arm a few months before and he had spent weeks wearing this cast around his arm. It seemed very serious. What if Harry was hurt and would need one of these too?

"Harry? You're okay? Come out now, it's not funny!"

And then something coming out of the snow was grabbing your ankle, and you cried, jumping away in fear.

You would have recognized this ridiculous laugh anywhere.

"HARRY!"

He finally crawled fully out of the snow, laughing so hard he had to hold onto his painful belly.

"You scared me! It's not funny!" You protested.

"You should have seen your face!" He replied between hiccups, unable to stand for now because of how much he was still laughing. "And you shouted so loud!"

He doubled in laughter, and you noticed how his lisp was coming back as he wasn't making a conscious effort to repress it. You thought it was rather cute. And Harry's laugh was contagious. These were the only reasons why you were smiling then, because you were still mad at him for playing this trick on you.

"You're so annoying!" You shook your head, crossing your arms before your chest.

"Oh come on! Even you have to admit it was funny!" He replied, eventually calming down a little more.

"Not one bit!"

"It was. It was hilarious. Didn't know you could jump so far!"

You huffed, offended. No matter if you were still little, from the top of your nine-year-old self, you still turned away from him and pretended to refuse to acknowledge his presence.

Instead, you leaned down, as if to tie your shoes.

"Y/N... are you really mad?"

This time his tone was a little more uncertain. After all, if there was one thing that he hated, it was seeing you sad or upset. And especially so when it was because of him.

"Don't be mad! It was just a joke!" He went on, this time being the one who sounded annoyed, when in reality he was more worried than anything else.

But instead of hearing your reply, he was hit straight in the face with a snowball, while it was your turn to be laughing at him.

He chased away the snow dripping over his face with his gloved hand, a mischievous smile appearing on his features as he did so.

"Oh... are you sure you want to play it like that?" He asked, quirking up an eyebrow.

You let out a giggle, shrugging.

"You're the one who started it!"

"Alright, then!" When you saw him bending to scoop some snow in his palm, you let out a shriek and ran off towards the nearby tree where your mother and Anne were keeping an eye on all of you, chatting and trying to stay warm in the cold weather while you played.

"HAAAA! HELP ME! I'M BEING ATTACKED!" You dramatically called the parents, while Harry ran after you.

You got protection by hiding behind your mum, gripping at her long coat, making her laugh.

"Alright, alright! Calm down you two!"

While Gemma was sliding down the hill over the outskirts of Holmes Chapel, laughing on her sledge, Harry was trying to aim at you but you kept on running around the adults. Until he took his shot and hit you on the knee, the cold sensation making you cry through your laughter.

"Alright, calm down! Both of you!" Anne tried to admonish, but she was laughing as well at how silly you and Harry were.

As Gemma was joining the group pulling her sledge behind her, you and Harry were lost in an intense battle, your mothers sometimes getting caught in the crossfire.

"Gemma! Help! Team up with me!" You called while Harry was managing to grab your arm and shove some snow in the space between your scarf and neck, making you shriek.

And the older girl didn't need to be asked twice. Soon enough, both Gemma and you were chasing after Harry, who was now the one hiding behind the two mothers.

"Mum! Help! It's not even fair! They're two against one!"

"It's true that two against one is hardly fair," she agreed through her giggles.

"Then help!"

As she got caught in the crossfire again, Anne gave in and started to participate to the fight too. When she accidentally hit your mum right in the face, she also joined in. And then there were no teams, just three children and two mothers having a snowball fight and laughing too much for their stomachs.

Later that afternoon, you got home to change into dry clothes and get a warm and well-deserved hot cocoa at your place. You reckoned that the last thing you would need to make the day perfect was building a snowman, so you teamed up with Harry to build one in his backyard and make it as big as you could.

"We need eyes for him!" You noticed with horror that he was still missing those as you wrapped your scarf around the snowman's neck.

You had used a little twig for its nose, and Harry had found pebbles for its smile, but you just had the best idea.

"I know! Hold on!"

You ran off to your house and Harry patiently waited for you, placing his beanie on the snowman's head.

When you reappeared, you had two green marbles in your hand, that you planted in the snow to give your new friend eyes.

"It looks nice!" Harry agreed with a professional nod.

"Like that, he has the same eyes as you do!" You told him with a grin, and Harry wasn't sure why he was blushing, but he was.

"I like it," he nodded.

Your mother called for you, and you had to part with Harry for the rest of the holidays as you would both be travelling to see your families during the rest of the break.

"Today was so much fun!" You smiled.

"Yeah! The best!"

"I can't believe we're leaving tomorrow to go to my grandparents' for Christmas," you sighed with a sad pout.

"I'm gonna miss you."

"But you'll spend tons of time with your dad! It's gonna be great!"

Harry shrugged, clearly saddened now.

"Still gonna miss you. It's not as fun when you're not around."

You hugged him, promising to tell him everything that had happened during the holidays when you would be back.

"I'll get your scarf and your marbles once the snow has melted. No worries!" He promised, and you gave him a smile again, but this one was a little shy.

"You can keep the marbles if you want. They really do look like your eyes. Feels like they should be yours."

"You sure?"

You nodded, walking backwards towards your house, and waving at him.

"Merry Christmas, Harry!"

He waved back at you, laughing, even though he wasn't so sure why. He guessed it was just because of you.

"Merry Christmas, Y/N!"

                                                           II

                                            Loch Lomond, 2020

 Seeing your parents in the large hall, you suddenly weren't so sure if this whole ordeal was a good idea or the worst piece of madness that had ever flashed into your brain. But you were leaning towards the second option as you stepped in the room.

You took in deep breaths, and tried to calm down. One quick glance at Harry told you that he was just as nervous as you were.

For a moment though, all your fears vanished as your mother spotted you, her lips breaking in a bright grin, and she moved away from her spot by the window, abandoning the gorgeous view in favour of hugging you tight.

"I've missed you so much, my baby!" she squealed, hugging you so tight you could barely breathe, but the gesture only made you cackle, and you hugged her with the same urgency.

"It's so good to see you, mum!"

"You live way too far away! When are you coming back home?"

"After my PhD, promise."

"You'd better. Cause I'm tired of being alone dealing with your father."

"I heard that!" your father complained, and both you and your mother laughed at him, before you would break the embrace to hug your dad instead.

"Your mother is right though, we've missed you," he told you, kissing your cheek.

Your mum only then seemed to notice that Harry was standing a few steps away, unwilling to disturb your reunion.

"Harry!" she exclaimed, hugging him just as tightly as she had done you. "I didn't know you were invited to the wedding too! I mean… of course Cassie knows you, but she wanted a small venue and very few guests…"

"Uhm… No, I… I wasn't invited. I came with Y/N."

She blinked a couple of times at him, her expression blank, before realization glowed across her features.

But… not realization of what was actually happening…

"Oh, she asked you as her plus one! But why? I mean… it's just our family, you wouldn't have been alone, Y/N! There was no need to bring a friend along!"

Harry and you exchanged a glance, as you freed yourself from your father's embrace.

"No, actually… uhm… we're…" Harry began but fell silent as your father slowly turned to him.

"You're what?" your mother asked, completely lost.

"We're together," you announced as fast as your lips would allow. "He came as my boyfriend."

Harry offered your parents a bright smile.

"Together? What… what do you mean 'together'?" your mother stuttered upon her words.

"I mean that… he's my boyfriend now. Not… just a friend."

Her glance travelled back and forth between the two of you, and you were certain to have broken her brain by now.

It seemed impossible for her to process the news.

"So… you two are a couple?" your father asked, turning fully to Harry, who nodded in response.

"It's quite new," the young man explained. "We just… realized that we both wanted to try to take our relationship a step further."

"I see…"

Your father finally offered Harry his hand to shake, which your best friend hurried to take. You noticed the wince that distorted his features though, as your father crushed his fingers.

"We're going to need to have a talk, young man."

"Yes, sir."

"Dad!" you admonished, pulling him away from your frightened friend, who seemed terrified by now. "Stop it! What are you doing? It's just Harry!"

"Yes… it's Harry. Harry who used to spend entire nights in a sleeping bag in your bedroom when the two of you were children!"

He turned towards your fake boyfriend, waving a threatening finger at him.

"If you think I've forgotten about that day you closed her door when the two of you were 14…"

"No, I promise you, nothing happened!" Harry defended himself, absolutely terrified by now as he took a step back. "We… nothing happened for years, it's only been a few months, and nothing had ever happened before that. You have my word."

Your father huffed, not buying it, despite your friend's words being the truth.

"Oh come on, honey!" your mother forced her husband to calm down. "Y/N's right, it's just Harry. We know he's a respectable young man. So quit the tough act, would you?"

Your dad still mumbled something unintelligible under his breath, but your mum was shaking her head, amused.

"Ha… we knew it would happen eventually," she affectionately patted Harry's shoulder. "And if I'm being honest… it took you long enough!"

"Darling!" it was your father's turn to admonish your mother.

"What? I'm perfectly right, don't play innocent! By the way, who made the first move?"

You looked at each other… you… hadn't really discussed that…

"Well… uhm… I… did?" Harry answered with much hesitation.

"I mean, we were a little… inebriated," you started to explain, but your father quickly interrupted you, glaring at your 'boyfriend', and if a glance could have killed, Harry would have been violently murdered there and then.

"Inebriated?! What happened?!" he snapped, but Harry raised his hands in a soothing gesture.

"Nothing happened between us, don't worry. I would never do that!" he replied, a little offended that your father would think him able to do something like this. "We just… confessed things we wouldn't have discussed while sobber."

"I swear to God, son… if anything happened between you and my baby girl while she was drunk…"

"No, dad, nothing happened! Relax, would you! And even if something had happened, trust me, I would have been wholeheartedly all for it!"

"Really?" Harry asked with surprise, clearly slipping out of his acting role, and it was your turn to glower at him in response. He caught your idea quickly, but you were the one to speak first again anyway.

"Look, we just… realized that we both… wanted to take our friendship to the next level. We went on a couple of real dates, and here we are!"

"Yes, but who made the first move," your mother asked again. "Who kissed who first? Who confessed first?"

"I did," you both answered at the same time, sharing a panicked glance.

This whole thing was a disaster and was just getting worse and worse by the second…

"I mean… I… confessed first," Harry clarified, but his tone was a little too hesitant as he kept on staring at you, waiting for validation, and you gave him a small nod. "And she… she initiated the first… physical… contact…"

"Physical contact?!" your father interjected, and your friend was burying his face in his hands in embarrassment this time.

"No, I mean… she kissed me first. I meant kissing, just kissing."

"Look, dad, please, stop being like that!"

"Oh, so… now I can't take care of my daughter anymore?"

"It's Harry!" you replied. "Can't you trust him?!"

"When it comes to you, I don't trust nobody. And he's lucky we're not alone in this room," he replied between his gritted teeth, making you roll your eyes, and Harry lost all traces of colours all over his face, going as white as sheets.

"Look, you know I would never do anything to hurt Y/N…"

"Son, for your own good, you should stop talking now."

"Yes, sir."

"So… Harry made the first move, in a way," your mother considered your story.

"I guess, yeah. Why?"

Your mother beamed at you.

"Well, that means Anne owes me a 20!"

"What?"

"I was sure Harry would make the first move, but Anne has always thought that he would be too slow with his emotions and you would be the clever one to figure it all out first. So, I've just earned 20 pounds!"

"You… bet with my mum about Y/N and I getting together?" your fake-boyfriend asked in confusion.

"The bet has been on since you were both 14, sweetie!" your mother laughed, making your father roll his eyes. "It sure took both of you long enough to realize that you love each other! We've known for over a decade."

Both you and your best friend exchanged a confused look.

Were your two mothers… rooting for you… being… a couple?

"What?!" you both exclaimed at the same time.

But your mother merely let out a chuckle, pinching both your and Harry's cheeks.

"It's about time that the two of you finally come to your senses! I need to call Anne and tell her the news!"

You both stared at each other with wide eyes, panicked once more.

"No, please," Harry stopped you as your mother reached for her phone. "I… I haven't told her yet, and I'd like to be the one to tell her. I… it's important to me."

Your mum gave him a disappointed pout, but obliged nonetheless.

"Alright. But tell her I haven't forgotten about our bet and she owes me 20 pounds!"

"I will. Promise."

You were interrupted though, by your grandmother entering the hall and calling for you. And both you and Harry welcomed the chance to escape your parents.

"Gran! How are you doing?"

"I'm so happy to see you, darling," the old woman gave you a warm hug. "It's been too long."

"Me too, gran!"

"I'm relieved you could come for your cousin's wedding! I was afraid you wouldn't get a flight. Or wouldn't take the time to come."

"Of course, I came! It's Cassie's wedding!"

"You're spending too much time working…"

"Gran," you tried to interrupt her, your voice full of warning.

"You are forgetting everything else in your life. Including your love life, even though it's important!"

"Gran…"

You had barely said hello, and she was already diving in this topic.

"You know, I'm sure there will be some lovely young men at the reception…"

"Gran!"

"I'm just saying that weddings are the perfect place to meet new people."

"Well, I don't need to meet new people, because I came with my boyfriend!"

Her eyes grew round, and yet a smile formed on her lips.

And you were reminded all too well why you had asked Harry to come in the first place. Some members of your family really weren't interested in anything but your love life…

You silently asked Harry to come closer, and he approached the two of you with a shy smile.

"Hi!"

"Do you remember my friend Harry?"

She gave both of you a suspicious look.

"I do. You lived next door. Always the mischievous type!"

He chuckled, shrugging.

"I was a child, for my defence."

"So you two are together? Or you just came as a friend?"

"No, we're together," you answered, standing a little closer to him.

But she didn't seem convinced.

"If you say so…" she mumbled under her breath. "And is it anything serious?"

"Yeah, it is," Harry nodded with a smile, but again, your grandmother looked at him with eyes full of doubts.

It was hard to tell if she was unsure of your taste in men, or if she doubted that the two of you were together at all. All the same, she didn't seem so happy about the news.

She was distracted by your mother behind you, and you released a shaky breath as she walked away.

"We're not doing so good, are we?" Harry asked even if he knew the answer to his question already, in a shushed whisper that would allow no one else but you to hear his concerned words. "We haven't even talked to five people yet, and one of them doesn't seem to believe us, and another wants to murder me."

"Well, perhaps if you weren't acting so stiff around me, they would be more convinced!" you snapped back at him under your breath.

"What do you mean?"

"You're not acting like you're my boyfriend at all, Harry!"

"I am doing my best! What would you have me do?"

"Touch me? At least a little bit. I don't know, hold my hand or touch my back, or whatever."

"Well, you could do the same, babe."

You gave him a fake smile, before wrapping your arm around his waist.

"I am."

He threw a scared glance at your parents, and indeed, caught your father glowering at him, and he moved away from your touch as a consequence.

"Well, I'm sorry to be a little 'stiff' when your father looks at me like that! Besides, PDAs aren't my thing, in case you didn't know."

You rolled your eyes at him.

"My dad won't do anything, you know him. A lot of talks, but in the end, he's a teddy bear."

Harry heaved a sigh in response, and took another look at your family. They seemed lost in conversation, and judging by the glances they threw at the two of you, Harry guessed that your new relationship ought to be the main subject of gossips.

"Maybe you're right though."

He reached for your hand, and you were surprised that his gesture was slow, a little shy. His cheeks were flushed and he turned away from your family so they wouldn't notice his burning skin. You intertwined your fingers together, standing a little closer to him.

"You don't have to, if it makes you uncomfortable," you reassured him.

"No, it's… it's nice, actually."

"What is?"

A smile appeared on his lips, but he didn't look at you. Instead, he watched as your aunt and uncle entered the room, bracing himself for the next introduction. His smile didn't falter though as he whispered his next words.

"Holding your hand. It's nice… holding your hand."

**************************************************************

Taglist : @emcchi​​ @fishstick-knows​​ @eldahae​​​ @just-damn-bored​​ @retrouvailessx​​ @marvelstudies2020​​ @boxofteenageideas​​@ponycake27​​​​​​​ @horsesreign​​​​​​​ @xinyourdreamsx​​​​​​ @jbluevelvet​​​​​@notkeppeki @daynigt-dreamer-stuff @fudgeflyss​​​​​ @stuckupstucky​​​​​​@snek-shit​​​​​​ @suchatinyinfinity​​​​​​@i-padfootblack-things​  @buckybsarmy @heyohheyitsgabi​​​​​​​@jigsawlover10​​​​​​ @emyyjemyy​​​​ @addictedtofictionalcharacters​​​​​​​​ @staringmoony​​​​​​​@madamrogers​​ @cronias13​​​ @stylesfics-xx​​​ @mellamolayla​​​ @mariaenchanted​

6 + 1

SUMMARY: This were the 6 times you really wished you had kissed Harry’s lips. And time the one time he kissed you. A Harry Styles x male reader fic because there aren’t enough of these around.

 Tags: Harry Syles x male reader; angst; fluff

 I said i’d fucking do it. Might make a malls series out of it, not sure yet.

~~~~~~~~

The first Time you really wished you could kiss The Harry Styles was, well, after he became your crush. Teen years and all, who could resist the pop sensation of 1D? Not you, that’s for sure. All it took was watching a goddamn talent show on TV to develop a crush on a curly haired boy with a dimpled smile who you would never know.

But you could dream, literally. After your diehard crush left the show and became part of band, you dreamt of it. And you had an embarrassing dream where you kissed the boy. You blame the YouTube videos really.

Nonetheless, it was an impossible crush, idealized at best. That’s what you told yourself.

~~~~~~~~

A year later, you were dragged to yet another social event that you really wasn’t a fan of. It was on a very fancy estate that belonged to a media CEO your father was friends with. The kind of event where you had to go to have lunch, listen to some live musicians, pretend to like everybody, kiss some ass, be up to date on everything from politics to the personal lives of the present. It was just a tiring afternoon altogether.

What you didn’t predict on your tiring plans was that your father’s friend, was also a friend of the agent of a particular band that the crush you still hadn’t gotten over was on. Luckily, you dressed to impress on these occasions. Maybe fate was on your side and you had a shot?

Arriving at the lunch party, you and your parents were immediately lead to the host, and you lost a good hour saying your greeting to many of the present. Since most of the people were a little older than you’d like, the conversations tended to drag on. Only when you heard one the guests comment on one of the performing band’s name your head did a whiplash.

After a while you found them, they were there with their agent who was introducing them to many influential people. Even if the boys weren’t very comfortable. And Harry was there too of course. You wanted to go and introduce yourself, but that would be way too awkward. So you decided to just keep some distance and wait for the universe to save you from yourself.

And yet again it happened.

You were on phone, pinning over the boy a few feet away to your friend, when you heard the voice you only knew from music and TV beside you. Lifting your head, you saw that Harry looked like a deer in headlights when a man you recognized was inquiring him about many subjects you were pretty sure were internal secrets from SyCo. You doubted he knew any, and couldn’t believe someone would do it so blatantly in public.

So you stepped in, right between Harry and the old man.

“Hey, Mister Stone, long time since we last saw! I’m so sorry to interrupt, but I have to steal Harry here, we have some urgent business we need to discuss right away.” You said, giving Harry a wink and a chance to leave.

“Yeah, that’s right! I had forgotten it, we need to leave right now.” Harry said with that deep voice of his.

“Oh, hello (Y/n), but of course, if he had already made plans with you, I’ll take my leave.” The man left without question.

You guided Harry to a more secluded place you knew, where there was a bench near a small lake, having been there way too many weekends for this kind of parties.

“Thanks for that.” He started. “I really didn’t know how to run away from him.”

“No problem, these people are crazy sometimes. Just don’t let them smell the fear in you and all should be fine.” You responded with a smile.

He returned it, and damn seeing it up close his smile was even better. “You could have come sooner you know?”

“Complaining to the people who save you mister Styles? Not very British or polite of you to treat your hero this way is it?” you teased with a smirk.

“No, that’s not it!” He quickly responded, waving his hands. “I saw you earlier, when I was with the boys, it’s just that… you could have said hi before.”

“Oh… you saw that… Well, that’s embarrassing.” You averted your gaze, making him chuckle.

“And are you gonna properly introduce yourself? You know my name, so I should know yours.” He offered giving you a sympathetic look, which only made you blush a little.

“(Y/n) (L/n), nice to formerly meet you.” You said, extending your hand.

“Harry Styles, but you already knew that.” He said with a smile.

When you shook his hand, you swore he held it for way too long, and when you were going to let go of it, he kept holding your hand. Boy, you were definitely blushing and in heaven. But these things never last, and his vibrating phone ruined it.

“Sorry, I have to go; we are going to play in a few. Are you going to watch?”

“Sure, I might know a few songs.” You probably knew them all.

“Here.” Harry handed you his phone. “Give me your number so we can meet later. Never know when I might need rescuing.” He gave you a wink.

And that was the second time you really wished you could kiss Harry Styles.

You watched the show. But you never got to meet him after it, their agent ushering the boys out because of some appointment they had later on.

~~~~~~~~

That night you a text message that read:

Hey, it’s harry, bummer we couldn’t talk after the show… but we can text Going to put your name as (y/n) my hero x

- H

That was the third time you really wished you could kiss Harry Styles.

~~~~~~~~

Over the next two years, you and Harry had only grown closer, but unfortunately, not physically, as you wished. You still had a massive crush on him. And you both talked nearly every day. But through texts, voice messages and video chats. One Direction was always on never-ending world tours and interviews and whatnots.

And you, well, you had been forced to join the family business, had your university classes, and a very demanding schedule that you didn’t really like. The both of you had met here and there, but only for a day or two every year, when both of your schedules permitted.

It would soon be your 20th birthday and you what you really wanted was to have a day off, go to a gay club, and maybe have the guy you liked with you. But you knew that was impossible. Just imagining the headlines on the papers could already give you headaches. If your father even let the papers run to tell the truth, he would probably wrap it up and just kick you to the street, saying you died in some accident. Or worse, they only were the accepting kind in public.

Harry knew, not that you had feelings for him, but that you weren’t straight, he had already admit not being exactly straight himself, but the impact of admitting it to the public, well, management had already said it was a big no.

When the date came, you sneaked off from the big party that your parent threw you to answer a call from Harry. He was all sweaty and tired, probably had just ended a show and really needed some rest if your math was right, but he called to wish you happy birthday, to tell you everything would be alright and it would get better.

That was the fourth time you really wish you could kiss Harry Styles.

~~~~~~~~

Later that year, One Direction announced a hiatus. And you thought that maybe it was finally it, your chance. You could tell harry how you felt now that he was going to build his own career. You were even prepared to face the consequences with your family.

He told you himself how he would be able to be his own person, do stuff he liked, make his own choices, how happy he was. And you were so happy for him. But along with the news, came the news that he was starting to see a girl, a model or whatever.

That night you cried yourself to sleep. And hated yourself for spending three years liking a guy that you talked to everyday, who became such a big part of your life, one your best friends, and not admitting it. And you hated harry, because you pretty sure he knew how you felt, even if you hadn’t admitted it. But all that you really wanted before you finally got to sleep in the midst of your tears, was him to make it better.

And that was the fifth time you really wish you could kiss Harry Styles.

~~~~~~~~

After that you both slowly fell out of contact. You started making excuses about classes that you weren’t really taking, exams that you had already taken, you even began working more on the family’s company, making a name for yourself and earning quite some money.

Harry went on to become a solo artist, released his first album. Went from your crush, to your best friend, to the guy you probably even loved, to a friend, to a guy you used to talk.

When his second album was released, he only sent you a ticket and backstage pass with the message:

I hope you haven’t changed your number and this is still (y/n) my hero

Can we talk?

- H

You never replied to it, but took a plane and went to the show anyway.

During the show you became certain, time had not fully mended your broken heart. You still felt an ache looking at him, listening to his voice, seeing his smile. But neither of you had said a word to each other in three years, since you congratulated him on his first album, so you owed it to Harry to at least listen to what he had to say. It was not as if he knew why you had stopped talking to him.

After the show you went to meet him backstage, a member of the staff leading you to Harry’s room. Absorbed in your own thoughts, you didn’t even knock, just let yourself in, only realizing what you did after you slammed the door shut.

He was the first to speak, startled by your bursting in. “Hey (y/n)… You are here.” He got up from his chair, taking a step into your direction.

“Hi Harry.” You gave him a half smile.

“You look nice… I didn’t know if you were really coming. You never answered my text.”

“Yeah, about that, must have forgotten it… But you look nice too. The new hair looks good.” You gave a genuine smile, your hand rising to feel it, but you stopped yourself.

“That’s a lie.” He said calmly.

“What do you mean?”

“The text, you didn’t forget it (y/n). I still know you, I know when you are lying to me, I always knew.” He said looking deep into your eyes, voice firm.

“Is that what you wanted to talk about Harry? You called me here to call me a liar?” You defended.

“No. I asked you here because I missed you, and there is something I needed to know!” He sighed, tiredness showing in his voice. “I have been wanting to ask you something for the longest time, it just keeps me awake at night, so I need to know.”

“You could have called.” You spat, crossing your arms. You weren’t really sure if you had said that to him or to yourself.

“Would you have answered?”

“I… don’t know…” And that was the truth. “I missed you too you know? Like, every day…” you laughed bitterly. “You were my best friend, and not talking to you was so fucking hard... What do you want know Harry? Ask away, apparently I can’t lie.” You looked at him for answers, what could he want after all this time? It had been over four years since you two fell out, you were pretty sure there was nothing more left of your friendship to savage. You wish there wasn’t, at least it wouldn’t hurt looking at him.

“(Y/n), look me in the eyes and tell me truth, did you like me? Did you ever like me? Not like as your best friend, but really like me?”

And “well fuck” was all that you could answer. It was such a clear and quick response to an unexpected question, that no further answer was needed. And that made Harry smile till his dimples showed.

“Since when? Why didn’t you tell me?” He took another step closer to you.

“Really Harry? For someone who can tell when I’m lying you are pretty daft. Since when? Since fucking always.” You started pacing the room. “Since we first met. I had a crush on you before, but when we became friends and I got to know you, I started to have real feelings for you.” You were angry and it all just started spilling out. “And it only got worse, but you couldn’t date a guy because of one direction’s management. And when you became solo I was gonna tell you, I was gonna fucking confess my heart out! But you said you were dating a girl you never mentioned before.” Tears started to appear at the corner of your eyes. “So that’s why!”

“Oh…” He stared dumb folded at you.

“Oh?! Is that all you have to say Harry? I expected at least a verbal rejection.” You half yelled, balling your hands into fists.

Harry got in front you, grabbing your hands and stopping your pacing. “Do you still like me?”

“I just really want to punch you right now. If that’s why you are asking and holding my hands?”

“No you don’t. I know you’d never punch me.” He said with that smirk that you hated yourself for finding so cute right now. “I’m asking because I also liked you. I still do, never really stopped you know?” He said intertwining your fingers. “Since you saved me from that creepy old man. Why do you think I saved you name as ‘my hero’ on phone? I had the biggest crush ever on you. But I didn’t know if you liked me. Even after you said you were gay, I kept thinking that I had no chance, because we could never see each other. So I just… I settled with having casual relationships…” He shrugged.

Your tears were now flowing, so Harry caught them with his thumb before continuing. “When we stopped talking, I assumed you had found someone. But I couldn’t get over you… That’s why I called you here.” You could see tears starting to appear on his eyes as well.

“I couldn’t get over you and that stupid smile of yours either, you know? Or over those eyes” You said laugh bubbling from your chest.

“I’m so fucking happy to hear that.”

And looking at him smile at you after all that was said right there between the two of you, that was the sixth time you really wish you could kiss Harry Styles.

But this time, when Harry saw you looking at his lips, his hands left yours and cradled your face, his eyes slowly closed and you could feel his breath nearing yours. This time, it was Harry who kissed you.

The meeting of your lips was everything you wished for and so much more. It was both soft and delicate like you always wished, but also a little rough with desire. You could literally feel the knots in your stomach, your hands going to Harry’s waist. Both of your lips soon opened way for your tongues, looking to explore each other’s mouths, it was a fight for dominance, a longing to recover the lost time. Both your and his hands began mapping your bodies while you breathed the same air. It was like dancing to a silent song you always knew but never heard. It was perfect.

When you parted, both breathless and cheeks tinted pink, looking into Harry’s green eyes and stupid dimple smile, you knew. He felt the same as you. And for now, that was all that mattered.

 -------------------------------------------------

Comments, likes and shares are deeply appreciated!

Survey #455

“but you didn’t have to cut me off  /  make it like it never happened and that we were nothing”

Are you and the last person you kissed in a relationship or just friends? We're besties! :') Has anyone ever pointed out that your laugh was unusual? No. Would you get a lip piercing? I already have a vertical labret. I've considered getting spiked snakebites (they might be called devil bites?) too, though. With a vertical labret, it looks sick as FUCK. It might be a bit much too close together for me, though, idk. Nose piercing? I want my right nostril re-pierced. What are you currently waiting for? Girt to message me back. I've decided what I want out of our relationship and just want to see him. Do you have feelings for anyone? Hit me pretty hard through a lot of examination of my feelings that yeah, I do. Have you ever run over an animal? Oh my god no, I would be DESTROYED. Have you chewed gum after someone else already has? bro what the fuck When people sneeze do you say ‘bless you’? I do only out of expectation. I don't want someone to think I'm an ass or something for not saying it. When was the last time you were on a bouncy castle? A few years ago for my niece's birthday. She was scared of how loud it was and was very reluctant to get near it, so my fat ass got in there with everyone else to show her it was fine lol. I can't remember if she eventually got in. She loves them now, though. :') Have you ever went on a bouncy castle whilst drunk? No, but thanks for the idea, ha ha. Have you ever entered an art competition? Yes. What is one thing you will never do? Try hardcore drugs. What is one food that you detest? Asparagus. Did you have a rebellious phase growing up? Not really. What religion were you brought up with? Roman Catholic. Are you still that religion? GOD NO. Do you often find yourself questioning your future? That's my full-time job. How many friends do you have on Facebook? 124. What sort of music did you listen to when you were in high school? The same I listen to now. What pet names do you use with your significant other? I'm single rn, but usually, I go for "sweetie/sweetheart," "hunny," "love," "dear," stuff like that. What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries? Wal-Mart. Have you ever seen a theatre show? Yes. What’s your favourite vegetable? Broccoli. Have you ever missed a flight? Yes. I was SO fuckin upset because it was on Sara's birthday and planned in secret, and I was supposed to wake her up. It still wound up being a big surprise to her when she walked into her room and I was chillin' at her desk, ha ha, but I still wish it coulda gone as originally planned. Do your neighbours have any pets? Have you ever met them? Yes; they have a yappy-ass dog that doesn't shut up. I haven't met them. What color is your bedroom door? White. If you were ever to become famous, would you grow annoyed at fans? This may sound very ungrateful, but I have heard A LOT of celebrities say it: it would get old, being stopped constantly in public for signatures, pictures, etc. Like yes, I still WOULD be grateful, but I'd miss just being off the radar and able to go outside carrying out chores and stuff like a normal person. Have you ever met your favourite band/singer? No. :( Are you embarrassed by any of the songs/singers/bands you like? Nah, not nowadays. Have you ever written a story? Yes, a kinda short one when I was little. Think of the last poem you wrote: What inspired you to write it? The breakup with Jason and the fact we're just strangers again. It was really short, but I like it a lot, honestly. Do you have a chance with the person you like right now? I think so. What’s the weirdest thing you were scared of as a child? A skeleton in my closet, lol. Literally. Are there any embarrassing stories your family tells about you? alkdsjflakjwle yes In your opinion, what is the funniest TV show? That '70s Show. 3rd Rock From the Sun is high up there, too. What is the maximum number of children you’d ever have? HYPOTHETICALLY, two, but I'm pretty damn serious about having none. I just always feel kinda bad for children without a sibling, but three would make me pull my hair out. Have you ever been concerned you had a serious illness? Yes. I overreact to even minor symptoms to ANYTHING. Are you comfortable with who you are? No. Pretty much everything about myself embarrasses me, even if it shouldn't. Would you date someone even if you knew you’d get made fun of for it? Yes? Others' opinions don't affect how I feel about someone. Does popularity matter to you at all? No, outside of trying to be a successful photographer. Would you ever consider homeschooling your children? If they really wanted that and it would benefit them, yes. Who told you about the band/singer you are currently listening to? I discovered them myself. Do you ever read fanfiction? Nah. Would you rather die in a plane crash, ship wreck or fire? Jesus. A plane crash, I guess, because in a lot of cases, it would be an immediate death. What are your top five favourite TV shows? Meerkat Manor, Fullmetal Alchemist (and Brotherhood; shut up, they go together), That '70s Show, Ginga Densetsu Weed, and Deadman Wonderland. What is your favorite superhero movie? Logan. If you died next week, what would be the cause of death? Uhhhh idk... I guess maybe a heart attack? Judging by doctor appointments, my heart is just fine, but the fact still remains that I'm technically obese, so that's always a risk. Have you ever taken a break from Facebook or other social media? Why? Facebook, yes. It was just depressing me. I was playing the comparison game REAL hard. Who is the most talented person you know? I dunno. I know many people talented in a lot of areas. Are you currently platonic friends with anyone you’ve had sex with? No. Where did you and your current interest go on your first date? Bowling. Have you ever experienced two people fighting over you (physically or mentally)? What happened? Jason and Juan pursued me at the same time. They'd known each other in the past, and Juan hated him for "winning" his ex-girlfriend. Then when Jason and I got together, Juan wasn't the happiest for sure. Have your parents ever thought you were gay? What happened? Before I actually came out as bisexual, I don't think so? Are your parents more liberal or conservative? Conservative. Mom is more open, but still conservative. I think. What year are you going into at the beginning of the next academic year? I'm not in school. How far away does your closest family member live? I live with Mom. If you’ve seen both, did you prefer the Disney version or the Tim Burton version of Alice in Wonderland? I actually strongly prefer Tim Burton's. Would you have sex before marriage? Why or why not? Yeah. I just want to be in a long-term, serious, healthy relationship to reach that point and be as safe as possible about it. Are you more liberal or conservative? Liberal, but I do have some conservative beliefs, too. Who is your favorite Harry Potter character? I don't have one, given I never got into that franchise. What’s the worst that could come out of letting gays marry? Not a goddamn thing. What’s the most sexual thing you’ve done? Done "the thing." Name something that you are against. I'll go with an unconventional one that's a problem as of the late: making owning reptiles illegal. Why are you against it? Because reptiles are perfectly capable of being brilliant pets and, most importantly, can tame people's fears of them. I think that it's very important to see the worth and beauty in all animals, and reptiles are one of the most unappreciated families out there. :/ Have you ever played the Tomb Raider games? I played some of either the first or second one. I could never beat it. Old games are hard, man. Do you like it or hate it when your partner is clingy? I absolutely believe that it can get to an extreme that I don't like, but for the most part, I don't mind a clingy partner because hey, I am too. Beatles or Rolling Stones? Stonessss. When was the last time you changed your opinion on somebody? It'd been on my mind for a while, but I *officially* realized that I really do like-like Girt a couple days ago. And since then it's gotten a bit hardcore and all I wanna do is talk to him bc fuck me and how attached to people I get. What was the last thing that made you feel proud and why? Every single time I go to the gym, I feel proud of myself because it REALLY takes a lot out of me. Do you feel uncomfortable when people you hardly know confide in you? Nope. I'm willing to be a shoulder to cry on for like... anyone. If you're hurting, talk to someone. I'll be there as an easy option. What was the last thing to fascinate you? It was... INCREDIBLY disturbing and almost nauseating even for me, but I saw a video of a dead whale explode. It was GRUESOME. Guts just kept coming and coming and coming and :x Is there a certain noise/sound which scares you? Hmmm... I'm sure there is, but what, it's not coming to me. Sudden, loud noises are an obvious answer. Do you have a favourite microorganism? ... No, I can't say I do. Out of the people you know, whose birthday is next? Girt's, actually. It's in October. If you have pet fish do you bother to name them? I did when I actually had them as a kid. Do you keep your eggs in the fridge? Ye. Have you ever owned chickens? No, but that'd be cool. Fresh eggs from a properly cared for chicken taste SO much better. When did you last listen to music? Currently. NOW I'm obsessed with Melodicka Bros & Violet Orlandi's cover of "Somebody That I Used to Know." It's done in a gothic metal style and is amaaaazing.

On Biphobia

I’m an empathetic person, there’s good & bad things that come with it. When it comes to why people (especially those in the LGBTQ+ community) are biphobic, I think there are different factors to why they are other than plain ignorance. 

Those factors? Jealousy, Insecurity, & “Passing”  

Dating and finding love is difficult  but being in the queer community dating is an uphill battle, and it’s even harder for those who identify as bisexual. I identify as gay so I know how strong the loneliness can get, I also know how strong the jealousy can get as well. (I can be the jealous type i will admit) A lot of biphobes say they don’t want to date someone who is bisexual because they think they’ll cheat, despite the fact that there are a LOT of gays who cheat pretty much for fun, they feel like they will have to compete with the rest of the world if they like someone who is bisexual because their dating pool is bigger and they’ve probably dealt with people who have played games with their emotions while at the same time making a bad name for actual bi people. But the thing is....from what I’ve from many bisexuals, dating isn’t easier, some don’t even disclose their sexuality or just say they’re gay so they don’t have to explain themselves because I’m sure at this point they’re tired of having doing that.

That jealousy bleeds into the argument that Bi people whom are with someone of the opposite sex can pass as straight in public much easier than the rest of the community. Personally....I feel like Bi people can, but that’s only when they’re around straight people, when they come to their own community where they SHOULD feel safe and yet... here they are being ostracized by people who they thought would be more accepting of their sexuality, because yes they can blend in easier but that doesn’t mean straight people can’t be biphobic. (And i’m gonna go on a small tangent and say y’all kill me with this “gold star” shit, we’re not in a fucking kindergarten class) 

I will admit, I have been that kind of person and will slip up sometimes, I can be jealous and selfish when I like a guy and pretty much just want him to pay attention to me only (Ik i sound insane), but I have to remind myself of what I dealt with eternally with figuring out my sexuality (even as a virgin) and how I HATED having it be invalidated or even judged for not being “gay enough” because I’ve never been with a woman, so how can I know I’m gay? I DON’T HAVE THE DESIRE FOR WOMEN SEXUALLY that’s how I know. No one, especially in the queer community likes to have their sexuality or their gender to judged by someone else’s standards, I know i don’t like that, why should I do that to someone else, especially someone form my own community?

On insecurity.... I’m gonna on another tangent but it’s related to insecurity(This is gonna sound pathetic) I’m a big Harry Styles fan (yeah no shit) and I’ve loved how over the past few years he’s been expressing his sexuality, but being in his fanbase, or even being in the 1D fanbase can poke at my insecurity at times, it’s not really anyone’s fault, it’s just how I feel about it. Most of H’s fanbase is consistent of str8 girls/bi girls/and lesbians, which is not a negative thing, but as a gay man, I can feel like a fish out of water at times. It kind of goes back to why I previously thought I’d never fawn over a boyband member because I thought “I’m not gonna play with my own emotions like that” I’d see millions of female fans lose their minds over these guys and some of them hope they have a chance to date any of them, I thought if I joined in on their fawning, I’d look and feel stupid because none of us would have a chance with them and if we did, I’d have a MUCH lesser chance than they did, so I vowed I’d never lose my mind over a boyband member. That’s until I found out about a certain green-eyed MF and the rest is history. It’s part of why I’ve been secretly dreading his upcoming music video after seeing the filming of it because it reminds me all too much of that insecurity; That I have no chance at all with the men I’m attracted to. (Not to mention the song where it’s suggested he’s talking about sucking dick is unreleased and only sung on tour, yet the song that’s suggestively about eating pussy is a single and has a music video) I know that’s a very negative thing to think about, but it’s something that’s been stuck in the back of my head for years and I know there are other gay male fans of Harry but let’s be real the last time I’ve seen some acknowledgement was that gay vodka moment & the “yes daddy I will” moment (A black gay male fan yelled that at him and he repeated it and I saw so many pretend as if he wasn’t responding to a guyor straight up say a female fan said that even though there is video footage of the dude saying it) I’m not gonna get on the topic of H’s fans who disregard his attraction to men, I’ll be here all day unsurprisingly the queer fans are the ones whom I’ve seen call out that bullshit. That’s my own personal insecurity, but I know I’m not the only one who feels or has felt that way. That’s at least one place, I’m sure some people’s biphobia stems from, personal insecurity.

I think a lot of biphobia comes from ignorance, but I think it also comes from hurt or the fear of being hurt even more. I can understand that fear all too well,  I’ve been hurt by other people, not romantically (yet) and honestly I have and feel that fear strongly, but so do Bi people, we’re all humans with emotions that don’t have an off switch, and I also know that being oppressive toward someone else in an already oppressed community won’t help in any way, no matter how much you convince yourself it can. I know i’m not saying anything brand new or ground-breaking I just felt like airing that out.

I hope I don’t cussed out for this post.

idk if this is discourse or something you dont want to get into but are garrett and shane still friends??

short answer: 99% sure they’re not. and i’m saying 99% because i obviously can’t be entirely sure because. i don’t know these people irl lol but in my head im like 100% sure they’re definitely not on speaking terms right now, and haven’t been in a loooong while.

long answer? and boy, it’s a long answer: i think garrett removed himself from shane’s circle (with the exception of andrew ofc) long before the drama kicked off. i don’t really recall because i didn’t watch them at the time but i do remember seeing garrett kinda.. disappear from videos around the whole j* era .

i think garrett made a choice when he thought about who he was hanging around with and whether he needed those people in his life. considering andrew was working for shane at the time still, i imagine it would have been hard? i guess? to just be like “yeah i don’t wanna hang out anymore except you andrew but you’re here like most days anyway”

which obviously in the end when needed, andrew took off too and both garrett and andrew created their own empire without shane lmao.

looking back, i don’t think shane even liked garrett that much. as much of an “empath” that he says he is (it gives me such bad second hand embarrassment to even write that lol) he really didn’t give a fuck about garrett. and people would and probably still do, argue that that’s just their level of friendship! lightly bullying your friend but knowing the bondries as to not ever really hurt their feelings.

but shane always pushed that boundary. he was downright cruel to garrett in some instances. and it’s not just the “harry potter is lame” jokes that garrett actually mentioned kinda suck, which they do! but garrett was treated like the comic relief in the group, because in shane’s little bubble he wanted everyone to be what he wanted to be.

you had shane: the hero of the story.

ryland: the sassy back talking witty one (though ryland has the personality and the wit of a broom so that didn’t really work did it)

andrew: the sweet, middle ground, quiet one.

morgan: the clutz thats hastag relatable

and then you have: garrett. the idiot fool who bumbles around, making a scene wherever he goes and is practically babysat by everyone else.

one thing that fucking IRKS me about this is that if you watch garrett’s videos, you know he’s goofy, funny, an insanely fun person. but he’s far from being an idiot. shane couldn’t have someone else besides himself (in his own mind) being funny AND clever (again, in his own mind) so he belittled him and acted like he was a burden to have to lumber around all the time, rather than just a silly, goofy friend that would joke around a lot.

one part of a video was when they were at an airport (i think they were going to Texas) and andrew and garrett are goofing off as they put benjamin in the bag and ryland literally goes “we’re all waiting, garrett,” with this.. snarky, shameful tone. AS IF THEY HAVENT ALL EMBARRESED EACH OTHER IN PUBLIC BEFORE like UGH the whole fucking bunny video makes my blood boil i can’t even get into it it makes me too mad lmao.

so i think garrett definitely decided at some point that he didn’t want to take that kind of abuse anymore, and i definitely think andrew saw it as well - because andrew and garrett were friends way before shane came along, so to me, i feel like andrews priorities always were always with garrett, and if garrett were to leave, i think andrew knew he’d leave to, job or no job, he cared more about his friends than money and fame (looking at you shane ryland and morgan)

shane doesn’t care about his friends or his “loved ones” or any of the people around him. he cares about money and fame and numbers and attention, even if it’s the negative kind. he’d joke that he KNEW he was treating garrett like shit and he’d use that as fuel to keep going, because he knew it drew more people in. plus, i feel like shane knew how popular garrett was getting. his channel exploded and he started making videos and people LOVED him. rightly so lol. nearly half the comments were about garrett; something he said and did, and rather than be excited for his “friend” shane took his anger out on him, almost, and again this is just my opinion, but in a way.. to control garrett.

i think it’s only human to think certain things, and i wonder if garrett had any worries that all his growing success and attention was because of shane and not because of himself. i wonder if maybe, deep down, he had some kind of fear that if he left, his subs would leave too. but obviously, he took the plunge, and everyone stayed and shane’s channel went up in flames lmao

garrett is one of those youtubers i think is very genuine. whilst everyone wears a certain mask online, which is fine, i feel like garrett’s is very thinly veiled. what you see is what you get with him, and the fact that his personality was used as an emotional punching bag by people he trusted and cared about, is really awful.

and i don’t fault him for sticking around shane. we’ve all witnessed toxic friendship/relationships, and im sure a lot of people understand how HARD it is to just get up and walk away. i think garrett tried his best to help shane and make him a better person, but i think it reached his limit, and he had a talk with andrew and they made the mutual desicion to move on without the rest of them.

AND THEYRE KILLING IT TOGETHER!!! i mean, fuck morgan for trying to shift blame on them for leaving, and fuck shane for obvious reasons and fuck ryland for no other reason that i hate him with an inch of my soul GOD he’s so fucking boring to look at. where’s the flavour???

i personally do not think that the nature of their friendship is something garrett is ever going to casually mention or make a sit down video about. i think the only information we’ll get is from shane’s pov either rather snarkily through rylands podcast or if shane ever attempts to come back to youtube, he might just mention them in passing OR they’ll all eventually all break the mutual on social media and that’ll be that. i feel like shane is the kind of person that won’t outright say anything on his own channel to hurt andrew or garrett because he’ll still want to keep up his uwu soft boy personality, but my god i can practically hear the fucking snide comments they’ll make on the podcast that don’t outright namedrop them, but they’ll probably make comments about “fake friends” or some shit like that, and all the brainless shane stans will use that as an excuse to be leave nasty comments on garrett and andrew’s stuff like they already do. so i guess we’ll just have to wait and see and know that hopefully andrew and garrett are prepared for any hate they’ll no doubt be receiving once shane tries to force his way back into the circle again.

so yeah, that’s my long answer lol. i don’t know if there was a discussion between them all but i have a feeling garrett just went away and kinda faded them out, and obviously im guessing there were conversations with andrew and shane since technically he worked for him, but yeah, there’s no way they’re all good friends behind the scenes. and im so fucking fine with that because andrew and garrett were 100% the reason i used to watch shane’s videos, and i’m glad they removed themselves from such a toxic environment where they went off and found success together without needing money or fame or any drama attached.

Okay, fine. Let’s talk about parasocial relationships.

The term “parasocial” has been making the rounds as a very very smart sounding thing to say. It not only establishes that you know an unusual and complex word, but also that you are too smart to fall for marketing tactics, and that you are much too cool to show enthusiasm for anything!

So, what’s a parasocial relationship? It’s a one-sided relationship with a celebrity or fictional character--the entire relationship takes place in your head. You’re reading this on tumblr, which means you have lots of parasocial relationships. You’re very parasocially popular! Maybe you even have one with me. (Probably not, I stopped posting for a long time, so we probably don’t parasocially know one another at all.)

I first encountered this term being used as an inherently bad thing, something to avoid, as though the term referred to the negative version of itself. What I saw was not people explaining why it can be harmful, but speaking as if we all know it is (the way you’d use “alcoholism”).

I see people carefully watching themselves to make sure they aren’t engaging in a “parasocial relationship,” or referring to a behavior they don’t like as “borderline parasocial relationship behavior.” But, there is no such thing as “relationship behavior” other than closing the psychological distance between yourself and another person. “Parasocial relationship behavior” is doing this, but it’s one-sided. You get closer, and they do not. That’s it. That’s the only thing. Does that mean building a shrine to Kristen Stewart? Does it mean crying with joy at Hbomberguy’s Mermaids/Donkey Kong stream? Does it mean writing a 100k fanfiction about Hermione Granger, Vampire Slayer? Does it mean buying a David Bowie CD? Does it mean begging the show writers to finally make that queerbaity relationship canon? Does it mean killing the president? You decide! 

Becoming psychologically closer to people and characters is not inherently unhealthy, whether they know who you are or not. How you treat them and respond to that closeness, and how they choose to cultivate closeness, can of course be unhealthy...but so can reciprocal relationships.

What’s weird to me is that we generally seem to be aware that there are bad and good (healthy and unhealthy) relationships. I have a good relationship with @randomshoes because we support each other, are interested in each others’ success, spend quality time together, and communicate well. If I was to stalk her or kill a president for her, or if she was to abuse my trust and take all my money while falsely assuring me she loved me, our relationship would be somewhat less healthy. 

So, what’s so bad about parasocial relationships?

They don’t actually care about you and they are taking your money.

If a marketing team/a celebrity uses these relationships to prey on vulnerable people, that might be an abusive relationship...in the other direction. If I manipulate a friend I know out of her money, I’m the bad guy, right? But if I’m famous, and she’s 16, and I knowingly manipulate her out of her money, then she’s the bad guy, because teenage girls are dumb and they should feel bad for ever liking anything, forming identities, feeling attraction, or basically being uncool and childish in any way.

It is definitely a good idea to remember that transactions are a part of how art is usually consumed, and not to express your affection or deep identification with an art/artist by spending lots of money on tee shirts that depict them. However, even this type of interaction can be encouraged in a healthy, positive way.  Patreon seems to really make people mad, but it’s not the worst system for artists who Live in A Society and don’t happen to have any lembas laying around. “I’ll pretend to love you so you can make me a millionaire” seems kinda gross but “I appreciate that your support helps me continue making the art you love” kinda sorta does not.

Some people go too far and commit heinous crimes because they expect their parasocial affections to be reciprocated.

Those crimes would be heinous even in an already reciprocal relationship. (I  already mentioned this, but if I committed terrorism for my very real girlfriend who knows exactly who I am, that would probably make me no better or worse than Hinkley.)

You’re an isolated loser and need real friends.

Okay. Anybody pouring all their energy into one relationship is probably not doing life correctly, regardless of how parasocial that relationship is. But this is a point on which I simply do not agree. People engage in these behaviors regardless of how wide their friend circle is. If not with celebrities, then with fictional characters, or even historical or political figures (think more “little father” than “senator” though what you do with that Bernie Sanders picture in your room is between you and God). Oh speaking of God, relationships with religious figures might arguably have some similarities and speak to the same human tendency, but there is of course the difference that Justin Bieber doesn’t know who TF you are, but God does.

Uh, sorry, you didn’t address my point. Forming parasocial relationships stops you developing real relationships.

I actually think it encourages reciprocal socialization. I didn’t have many friends growing up. When I met two other kids who were obsessed with Harry Potter, we bonded over that, making up our own characters (next generation type of BS...still better than the book 7 epilogue), and this formed the basis of a friendship that lasted basically my entire pubescence. These parasocial relationships are generally part of a broader interest, and interests and hobbies help you meet people, break the ice, and uhm...form real relationships.

It’s not just interests, though. I was hardcore into dinosaurs as a kid. Literally every child likes dinosaurs, but that didn’t help me form any new friendships. The other reason I think parasocial relationships lead to better real relationships is...practice. You are engaging in social behaviors, whether or not you’re any good at them, whether or not you succeed. This is what’s required to learn any new skill, but it’s generally discouraged.

You don’t just learn about how to socialize, you also learn about yourself. You develop a sense of identity and learn what you like and dislike by associating yourself with favorite characters.

Children and teens often imitate their behaviors, and though that can be a bit annoying (why yes I do have the Spanish Inquisition sketch memorized but thanks for repeating it to make sure I got it), it also helps them figure out what kind of people they want to be (maybe you want to be funny, so you over time learn that what made Monty Python so funny was surprise, surprise and fear, and you develop comedic timing). Knowing what kind of person you want to be is important.

Right, but it’s selfish. You keep calling it “one sided” which it literally is. There’s no checks on your behavior.

Right. I think that’s good, though? I think it’s good for people to sometimes do selfish things. I think it’s good to cultivate parasocial relationships because they are a way to self-soothe, and get your own needs met, without burdening others. We are social creatures, and we absolutely need relationships, but nobody owes you a relationship. Nobody owes you affection or love. Having a way to cultivate that for yourself is actually incredibly valuable.

It’s worth commenting here that I think my strongest parasocial relationships are probably with characters I’ve made up myself. They are “a part of me” in that they are always there in my life, but unlike some writers, I do not base characters on myself or see them as reflecting specific parts of me. I relate to them in the same way I relate to Harry Potter, except that I was the one who made them up initially, and books I write about them can be published and I can make money off them. (On some theoretical plane of existence.) It’s pretty clear that I am the one doing all the work on both sides of this particular parasocial relationship, but it doesn’t feel super different to me than the fact I very intensely relate to certain characters not made up by me. I don’t conceive myself dating one of them, like I don’t have a Dorothy L. Sayers thing going on, but I don’t really think it would be wrong if I did.

What do you mean not being a burden on others? What about toxic fans putting pressure on creators?

Yeah...that’ll be in the “unhealthy relationship” category. But, okay, I guess where I am ending up here is I do think it’s good to recognize parasocial relationships exist and talk about them, because it reminds you that even if a relationship is not reciprocal, you do have responsibilities. If the other person is real, that means they are only human, and even if you have no choice but to stan, you should give them some breathing space. The Shinji Ikari ContraPoints in my head can be my super close friend, but if I expect the real Natalie Wynn to give me any more energy than she already does to her entire audience by making the awesome videos I enjoy so much, I’d be really rude, demanding, and honestly not worthy of her friendship if it was “real.”

Parasocial relationships are relationships which means, just like with reciprocal ones, you have to not be a dick. You have to respect the other person and recognize they are a human being separate from you. Even with characters, Harry Potter can’t be hurt by anything weird and demanding you do, but Rowling could, and so could other HP fans, so respect is still important. If it’s not already clear, I strongly disagree with people who suggest fanfiction is disrespectful, so.

If you understand that your relationship is abstracted, and that you do not deserve any kind of reward for all the energy and love that you pour into it...then enjoy your parasocial relationship, because it is absolutely normative, human, and can bring great joy and meaning into your life. In fact, almost all of what I just said applies to reciprocal relationships, too.

Blank Space - Episode 9

PBlank Space 

Showing up in this episode:

Karlie Kloss

Tom Holland:

Taylor Swift:

Chris Evans:

Basically everyone is here. 

Songs that inspired this chapter:

Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I’m bored - Ariana Grande. (Morgan’s song)

I’m a Mess - Bebe Rexha (Also Morgan’s song)

Don’t Hurt Yourself - Beyonce

I Did Something Bad - Taylor Swift

Hands To Myself - Selena Gomez

Mambo N. 5 - Lou Bega

Dancing Queen - Abba

Africa - Toto

Hey Ya - Outkast

Blank Space - Taylor Swift.

Okay, this is a hot mess but I had a lot of fun writing it.

''Oh my God, who is she, I get drunk on jealousy, when you come back is time you leave, cause darling I'm a nightmare dressed like daydream.''

After the Madison Square Garden outing, the two weirdest weeks followed. Morgan and Sebastian had rescued a cat and almost kissed but after that, Sebastian came back to his senses and Morgan went into a spiral of anger without any precedent. The thing was that for a moment she had thought that she had achieved something after the moment they had shared while rescuing Thirteen so, it was a disappointment of the size of the Empire State when on the next day pictures of Sebastian and his girlfriend splashed the Internet. Morgan was as livid as the majority of Sebastian's fans. But, just like in the old times, she kept her emotions to herself and went on with her life. Only Taylor noticed that something was off and that Morgan was ready to snap. Not of stress or pressure but of anger. But Morgan was taking revenge in the best way she could: by landing her first Vogue cover, being invited to every show at the New York fashion week and hanging out with the most popular models afterwards. And being loved by apparently everyone on the Internet. On set, everything was as normal as it ever was. Morgan and Sebastian kept their outstanding chemistry but when the cameras stopped rolling, they went back to their brooding selves, hardly sharing a word. At least they weren't shouting at each other anymore even though Sebastian could see a shadow of anger in Morgan's eyes every time she looked at him. There were only two people that knew the reason why Morgan had been like a chained monster the last couple of weeks: her assistant Lucas and her new friend Karlie Kloss. She had met Karlie at the New York Fashion Week and they had immediately clicked. They were often pictured together leaving events or hanging out around the city. Morgan hadn't had any other option but to tell Lucas as he had found her smashing a glass of water to the floor after a new set of pictures of Sebastian and his girlfriend had surfaced the Internet, this time kissing. Lucas was a bit alarmed by Morgan's attack of jealousy and decided to call Karlie to help him handle her. He decided to not tell Taylor who was going to give Morgan an earful, without any doubt. Together decided to distract Morgan with an sleepover and a Harry Potter marathon. Taylor joined them, even though she found the situation curious. Morgan just lied and told her that she had had a bad day at set and they were helping her to relax. But Morgan needed help to release that anger. The best solution was to get over Sebastian but everyone knew that this was not going to happen any time soon. Morgan's solution was to run him over with her Porsche but Lucas had pointed out that this was probably getting Morgan to prison and would end her career in a heartbeat. Luckily Karlie proposed Morgan to do kickboxing with her and she had liked the idea. She already knew how to do rugby tackles and now she was learning to punch and kick. Lucas and Taylor were a bit reluctant. The were starting to fear for Sebastian Stan's well being. Taylor still remember the words that Clint had told Morgan at the airport: 'If they break your heart, you break their necks.'. She prayed that Morgan didn't took that piece of advice to heart. But after a week doing kickboxing, she could feel the difference. Anger wasn't clouding her thoughts anymore and she could feel her wits getting sharper and more calculating. Or that was what she thought. Many others had noticed too. Taylor, Lucas and Karlie were proud of her as she was in a much better mood. Even Sebastian had noticed. There was no anger in her eyes anymore but sometimes she caught her staring at him in a way that made him wonder if she knew something he didn't or if she was planning to give him an slow and painful death. That Friday evening Morgan was with Lucas and Karlie at the gym. Don't Hurt Yourself by Beyoncé was blasting and Morgan was punching a punching bag with all the force in  the world, and the song was motivating.  They were even singing some lyrics. ''I am the dragon breathing fire, beautiful mane I'm the lion, beautiful man I know you're lying...'' Punch. Karlie was impressed. In a week Morgan's workout was noticeable. She looked even more stunning, if that was possible. ''Morgan, sing the next part because it's absolutely epic.'' said Lucas, laughing.

''We just got to let it be, let it be, let it be, baby'.. HEY BABY'' Punch. ''WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK ARE YOU?'' Punch. ''I SMELL THAT FRAGANCE ON YOUR LOUIS V BOY'' Punch.  'JUST GIVE MY FAT ASS A BIG KISS BOY'' Punch. ''TONIGHT I'M FUCKING UP ALL YOUR SHIT BOY'' Punch. Punch. Punch. Punch. Morgan was punching that bag as it had personally offended her.

''This is so cathartic'' said Lucas, who was lying on a mat, tired. ''It is'' the song had stopped and Morgan was on a little break to drink water and rest. ''Brilliant, Morgan, brilliant'' said Peter, Morgan and Karlie's personal trainer. He was a lovable big guy, who was always flirting with Lucas. And Lucas shamelessly flirted back. Morgan always thought that he was the reason why Lucas kept going to the gym with her and Karlie. ''I wouldn't like to be the person you're angry at.'' ''You're right. You wouldn't like to.'' Morgan looked at her reflection on the big mirror and she loved what she saw. Her back was more muscular and her arms more defined. ''Are you sure you're not training for an action movie?'' he asked. ''Something Marvel related? After all, you work with Sebastian Stan and he's from Marvel.'' Thinking of the DEVIL, there he was, mentioned again. ''Not at all. Maybe I take on the mantle of Captain America now that Chris Evans is leaving.'' she said with sarcasm. ''It seems that you're enjoying being Stan's partner way too much that you want to do it again.'' Karlie teased her again and Lucas laughed out loud. Peter was the only one that didn't understand. ''Keep teasing, you two'' Morgan rolled her eyes at him. ''Let's do something else.'' ''Let's try to combine your kicks with your punches, okay?'' Karlie was searching for another song to motivate Morgan. Taylor Swift's I did Something Bad was the chosen one. Morgan was thinking exactly the same. Peter was guiding Morgan in everything that she needed to do, and of course that the song lyrics were helping her. They say I did something bad, why does it feel so good? Punch. They say I did something bad why does it feel so... Punch. ...good? Kick. Most fun I ever had and I'll do it over and over and over again...'' Punch. If I could... Kick. It just felt so... Punch. Kick. ...good. Punch. Kick. Karlie and Lucas were having a lot of fun, watching Morgan kick and punch, totally possessed with the song. ''LIGHT ME UP! LIGHT ME UP! GO AHEAD AND LIGHT ME UP!'' they sang, trying not to laugh.   She finished basically submissing Peter. ''Okay, okay, you were good Morgan. Anger motivates you.'' he ruffled her hair. ''See you newt week and don't punch anyone, okay?'' She just nodded. She was so tired that she was lying in a mat, breathing heavily and trying to get some energy and get up. ''So... ready for tonight?'' Karlie asked. That night there was going to be a cast party but everyone knew it was more than that. Many people was going to go, and they weren't related to the movie at all but Damien had invited them for publicity. Morgan herself had invited Taylor, Lucas and Karlie. Everyone knew that Sebastian was going to bring his girlfriend and everyone was asking if Joe Alwyn was going to bring Taylor Swift. For all of these reasons, Morgan was excited. ''More than ever'' she was still lying on the mat, moving her hands sensually at the rhythm of Selena Gomez's Hands To Myself. Lucas jumped from the mat with Morgan's phone in his hands. ''Can I film this for your Instagram? This is too priceless. Post workout Morgan Llewellyn lip synching and looking devastatingly sexy. Perfect.'' ''Perfect to PornHub'' commented Karlie. ''Shut up, Kloss. Now, do what you were doing, Morgan. Remember, you can't keep your hands to yourself. Taylor is going to kill you but not before you kill a certain someone of a heart attack. Now, action.'' At the other side of Manhattan, Sebastian was opening the new Instagram notification from Morgan only to end up weak on the knees with his eyes almost bulging out of his skull. He had to sit down to call himself a little and watch the video again. ''Damn'' was the only thing he could mumble.

''You are absolutely out of control.'' Taylor reprimanded Morgan once they were at home getting ready for the party. ''I told you not to post sexy stuff.'' ''It was good.'' Morgan was ready and she was sitting on the table, looking bored. ''Did you see how many likes it got?'' ''Yeah, including one from your co-star.'' Taylor kept curling her hair. Lucas giggled. He was straightening the front of his shirt. He and Morgan knew that they had achieved their purpose. And it was just he beginning. Lucas couldn't wait to see what else Morgan had in store. She looked spectacular, with a metallic short, loose dress, that had a star in the middle with an inscription in Welsh. It highlighted her long legs to perfection. She accompanied the look with high heels, snake themed jewellery and her signature red lip. ''Beth bynnag y mae'n ei gymryd, rwyf bob amser yn ennill.'' Taylor read the inscription in Morgan's dress. ''Isn't that a bit threatening?'' ''It depends how you take it. And no one except you understands Welsh.'' ''What does it say?'' asked Lucas. ''Whatever it takes, I'm always going to win.''  Taylor translated the sentence. ''Childish.'' however, Taylor was a bit weary of Morgan, who was not going to give up in whatever she was planning. Taylor didn't want to know. So, Morgan was going to go there making statements and no one was going to understand. ''Let's go, remember we're picking up Karlie on our way there.''

Sebastian was already in the place accompanied by his girlfriend and his friends. Damien Chazelle was around as well as some of the cast, pop music was on the background and the place was peaceful only because Morgan Llewellyn hadn't arrived yet. ''Are you sure she's not here yet?'' Florence asked. ''Yes. If she were here you'd notice that. She's chaotic and this place too peaceful.'' Florence wanted to meet the infamous Morgan Llewellyn once and for all to see if she was as bad as Sebastian said she was. Sebastian glanced at the windows. A horde of paparazzi were outside that didn't pay much attention to him when he got in. They most asked questions that were asked went like: ''Are you and Morgan dating? Because you should, you look gorgeous together'' (and they had asked that IN FRONT of his girlfriend), ''What do think about Morgan's latest Instagram video?'' or ''What do you think about the rumour of Morgan Llewellyn leading the live action Wicked movie?''. They just wanted to ask stuff about Morgan. Suddenly there was a commotion outside and there were flashes everywhere. ''What the hell...'' Florence mumbled. ''There she is. I told you she was chaotic.'' Florence suddenly wanted to leave. She hadn't even seen Morgan yet and she knew that she was whatever but good news. She was too overwhelming and she hadn't entered the building yet. And her feelings were justified when Morgan entered the place. Immediately, Sebastian's group knew that he had been right: pictures didn't do her justice. Morgan in person was ten times more gorgeous and with that metallic dress that exposed her long legs she looked like an exotic flamingo. In Florence's opinion she looked like a beautiful snake. ''I think I lost my ability to breath'' Chace mumbled. ''If you don't want her for you, set me up!'' ''Shut up, Chace!'' Sebastian desperately hissed. But he was with his eyes fixed on Morgan in a not so subtle manner. But Florence was staring at Morgan too. She was built like a Victoria's Secret Angel and she walked like one. She was pacing the room with feline steps, like she owned the place. She was vibrant, magnetic, full of life and absolutely chaotic. Morgan wasn't looking at them but Karlie Kloss was and Florence didn't like her expression. When Florence finally took her glance off of Morgan she saw Sebastian, Toby, Will and Chace staring at her with their mouths hanging open. ''Snap out of it!'' Florence reprimanded them but none only Will took notice. Morgan walked straight to Damien who was waiting for her. ''My dear Morgan! I was waiting for you! Finally the star of the show is here! I want you to meet a couple of people...'' In five minutes she was surrounded by a circle of influential people. From Greta Gerwig, Patty Jenkins, Kevin Feige (that no one knew what was he doing there) and many more. Only after half an hour she was free. ''I think I'm meeting my cast mates'' she said to Karlie and Lucas (Taylor was still talking to Greta Gerwig). Firstly she went to greet Michael and Alicia and then Emily and her husband John Krasinski. They talked for some minutes until Morgan decided that she couldn't keep avoiding the inevitable and approached Sebastian's table before she had any chance of chickening out and running away. Florence felt a pit in her stomach when she saw Morgan approaching. But there was no way to avoid her. But Morgan wasn't looking at her, she had her impressive blue eyes fixed on Sebastian. ''Nice co-star you make. You're here hiding while I have to deal with everyone.'' Florence was surprised. She was expecting Morgan Llewellyn to hiss or to speak Parseltongue. Instead, she had a silky voice that combined with a standard British accent that made it sound completely irresistible. ''What's the deal with you, mate? You always act like you don't even want to be here.'' Florence absolutely detested her. She just needed a couple of seconds next to Morgan to see that she was even worse than what Sebastian said she was. ''You have the whole stage to yourself, Llewellyn. Go and shine.'' Florence wondered if that was banter or if they really were used to say snarky things at each other. ''It tears me apart to say this, doll, but you may be right. With that sour face you won't charm anyone. Why don't you leave? TacoBell is having discount night. You can have a nice dinner there.'' Wait a second... since when Morgan Llewellyn called Sebastian 'doll'? ''I told you two weeks ago, princess. I'm not leaving, I'm staying.'' Florence was about to blow up. He was shamelessly calling Morgan 'princess'. He didn't even called her like that. What was the game they were playing at? ''That's on you, Stan. Have fun if you like or do whatever the hell you want, I don't care. Remember we're on the public eye and we're supposed to be friends so at least smile when you're talking to me. I don't want a Madison Square Garden 2.0, believe me, doll'' Florence couldn't stand it anymore. ''Hello, I'm Florence. I'm Sebastian's girlfriend.'' she had to intervene before Morgan tore Sebastian apart with her words. And she couldn't stand her calling him 'doll'. ''Oh, hi'' Morgan looked at her with a sweet expression. Nothing on her beautiful face revealed a drop of animosity but her eyes told a complete different story. They were cold as ice. ''Sebastian talks a lot about you.'' Sebastian couldn't believe that Florence was saying that. But his girlfriend was still angry because he had called Morgan 'princess'. ''How nice'' Morgan said with an unemotional voice. ''Can't say the same, but we almost never talk, so don't worry.'' Florence was reading the words on Morgan's dress. They were in some strange language that she didn't know. It wouldn't surprise her if it was a curse. Nothing would surprise her about Morgan. ''What does it say?'' she asked with a fake smile, pointing at the dress. ''To be or not to be, that is the question'' she lied without wincing. The message was to Sebastian, not to Florence. ''Shakespeare's Hamlet in Welsh. Balmain customised this dress for me with this quote.'' ''So you are Welsh. I thought you were British.'' Florence meant to say 'English' but she couldn't think clearly with Morgan in front of her. Morgan blinked a couple of times in confusion. ''Wales is part of Britain.. but maybe I'm not the best person to explain this... you can always go to the Wikipedia. It's pretty clearly explained.'' she turned around, making it clear that the conversation was over. Then she noticed Chace. ''You're Chace Crawford! Oh darlin'! I love you since Gossip Girl!'' Sebastian almost dropped his glass to the floor. He could see that Chace had got numb. ''Thank you. That is... a wonderful compliment.'' ''I have to go now, see you later.'' she smiled at him in a nice way, not flirty or anything of the sort. They all watched Morgan leave and take a seat in a table with Lucas and Karlie. ''She hates me'' Florence said, out of nowhere. ''She doesn't'' Toby showed up out of nowhere after he and Will had vanished when Morgan appeared to the scene. But they had been listening to everything. ''She hates Sebastian, you're just collateral damage. And she was pretty nice to you.'' Will laughed out loud. ''She literally said 'Can't say the same' and sent her to look up stuff in the Wikipedia. In which world that counts as being nice? Sebastian was right, she's a snake.'' ''She's not!'' apparently Chace was caught in the Morgan spell. ''I don't know what did you see. But she's really nice. She's just angry at you because you got two hours late to the first read through and invented she was on a date with you, Florence'' Sebastian wanted to punch Chace on the face. That was one of the things he wasn't supposed to tell anyone. But apparently justifying Morgan was more important to him. ''But you weren't! Sebastian!'' Florence looked at him with anger. ''Thank you very much! She was right after all! Where were you by the way?'' Sebastian couldn't think of an explanation that made sense. He had had a mental breakdown that fateful morning but he was not telling that to Florence. ''It doesn't matter'' ''Yes, it matters because thanks to your stupid lies now Morgan Llewellyn loathes me and wants me out of the picture'' Sebastian, Chace and Toby looked at her with their eyebrows raise. ''C'mon! You can see it all over her fake sweet face.'' ''You're just paranoid'' Sebastian kept his eyes glued to Morgan's back, who was with her friends and some other people. ''If she hates someone here, she hates me.'' ''The thing is...'' Will looked at him, straight in the eyes. ''...she doesn't hate you, Sebastian. And you know it.'' Many more people had arrived and some of them had joined Morgan and her friends who were just talking about harmless stuff like pets or what was going to happen in the next season of Game of Thrones. Between Morgan's new company were Tom Holland, Zendaya, Jacob Batalon and Harrison Osterfield. No one knew why they were there but their funny personalities gave life to the group. Tom Holland started to tell anecdotes that had everyone in tears. Sebastian couldn't kept his eyes away from her for a second. And she hadn't looked at him once. He got distracted only when Chace stood up. ''Where are you going?'' he asked. ''With them.'' he pointed at Morgan's group. ''They're a young and lively bunch.'' ''So you're on her side, now. Wow, thank you, Chace.'' ''I'm in nobody's side, stop being so immature. They look like they're having a great time and we're here in silence watching them have fun. I'd rather be there.'' And without any more words he left and second later he was installing himself between Zendaya and Karlie Kloss, being all smiles. The only thing Sebastian wanted was to follow him. After a while Toby's loyalty to him was over and he followed on Chace's footsteps. Morgan received him with a huge smile. Only Will and Florence were still with him. ''I'm getting a drink'' he almost ran to the bar. Michael Fassbender was there and Morgan was near, mysteriously talking with Karlie and Tom. Maybe they were talking about him or maybe he was as paranoid as Florence. He asked for a beer and was going to get back to his table when Michael approached him. ''Finally I get you alone... I'm going to be direct with you because you look painfully unhappy... just, once and for all, make up your mind'' ''What?'' he knew that what Michael had just said made perfect sense but he was not going to admit it. ''Don't try to deny it. I've been watching you and you could take your eyes off of her for a second.'' it was pretty clear who 'her' was. ''Just...clear that head of yours. Once you do that, you'll be a happier person, trust me.'' Michael went back to his table, in which his wife was talking to Morgan's agent. He was still processing Michael's words and looking at Morgan, who was talking only with Karlie, who after getting a drink was going back to the table. It was now or never. Without overthinking too much he approached her. He knew that what he was doing was wrong but he didn't care. Suddenly he was feeling reckless. ''So, you've been working out, Llewellyn?'' Morgan looked at him with suspicion. ''Glad you watched my Instagram video. I guess you enjoyed it.'' ''Yeah, half the world enjoyed it.'' he got one step closer to her. ''But that's not how I noticed. You look different. Stronger.'' Morgan had a side smirk on her face. ''Thanks for the compliment. There's nothing better than strength in this world. Physical strength and strength of character get you ahead in this universe. You feel powerful.'' He got even closer to her. ''What the hell are you playing at?'' Morgan looked at him with a side smile, without no hint of shame. ''My own game, Stan. It's not my fault you're bitter because you're not involved in it.'' He looked at her with the same smile. ''Are you sure of that? I'm pretty much sure I'm well into your game.'' ''Why don't you... prove it?'' she said the last words very slowly. She knew he couldn't. She was never evident about her feelings in front of anyone, let alone, him. He got so close to her that they were almost touching. Morgan needed all her self control to keep herself level headed. ''I thought something had changed between us after MSG. But no. You went back to being the insufferable person you were before.'' ''Look who's talking! I didn't see much of a difference in your behaviour, Stan.'' He had his eyes glued to her. Even though the room was full, this moment was just theirs. ''We shared a moment, Morgan.'' ''And? You come here talking about moments, when your girlfriend is right there looking at you. You have no shame, Sebastian. You thought we shared a moment but, I'm sorry to tell you that nothing of what I told you was of much importance''. But he didn't give up. He closed the space between them, placing her hand softly on her shoulder and leaned in order to whisper something on her ear. ''Keep lying to yourself, Morgan.'' his lips were almost brushing her skin. ''It meant something for you and it meant a lot to me.'' he placed a short and soft kiss just below her ear, leaving Morgan absolutely disarmed. He left with a smile and winking. The bastard knew that her had won this round. At least Morgan had the consolation that his girlfriend was going to give him hell and erase that winning smile from his face. But she was needing all her self control because her insides were screaming.  She was obviously very shaken. ''What did he tell you?'' asked Karlie when she was back at the table. ''Nothing of importance.'' she said with all the calm in the world. ''Some crap about my Instagram video. Idiot.'' she didn't know why she was lying to Karlie. Maybe because there were many things that she liked to keep to herself. Like the sensation of Sebastian Stan's lips brushing against her skin for less than a second. Sebastian kept the winning smile for a good while. The magic lasted until Florence spoke. ''Are you going to explain what happened with your co-star? You two were pretty close.'' ''I was just telling her something about Tom Holland. Nothing serious'' he wasn't very focused on giving a strong excuse. The only thing that ran around his head was the softness of Morgan's skin and how good it'd feel to place more kisses in that neck of hers... Will, who had spent the night basically in silence, noticed Sebastian's absent minded and dreamy expression. ''Sebastian!'' Florence said in a loud voice that scared him a little. ''I was talking to you.'' ''Yeah, I know and I wasn't hexed by Morgan, we were just talking.'' once again, he was talking before thinking. '' She's a person by the way, not a creature from Mordor...'' then he noticed Florence's expression. ''Do you think I'm having an affair with her? Trust me, I'm not.'' ''I don't trust you'' she blatantly said. ''But I trust Morgan's ego. She'd never accept to be anyone's side chick. She has to be in the spotlight, she demands full attention, she has to be the one and only. I kind of pity the poor guy that ends up with her.'' Sebastian didn't share that view. ''She's not that bad, you know.'' ''Sebastian!'' he got yelled for the second time in ten minutes, this time by Will. ''You were the one that told us that she was a snake and we believed you. We're on your side, not like Chace and Toby, who are there laughing and having fun.'' But they couldn't finish what they were talking about because someone was making his way into the place: the one and only Chris Evans. Before Sebastian could even wave at him, Damien had already caught him and a second later he was introducing him to Morgan Llewellyn. ''What the hell Damien!'' he hissed. The only thought he had on his head was 'Not Chris, not Chris, not Chris, anyone but Chris.' He had to control himself for ten minutes while watching them talk. Thankfully someone had got the idea of dancing and Morgan had grabbed Jacob's arm and jumped to the dancefloor. Sebastian was starting to hate the Mambo Number Five only because he just wanted to be in Jacob Batalon's place so hard it hurt. Some minutes later she was dancing to Dancing Queen with Chace. But the worst was yet to come. It seemed that the world was testing how much jealousy he could bear before snapping. The first notes of Africa by Toto started to sound and he was absolutely scandalised when he saw Chris inviting Morgan to dance this particular song. And she accepted. Of course she was going to accept. Who on earth would reject dancing with Chris Evans? ''I can't believe it!'' he hissed. ''This is our song!'' ''What? Do you have a song with Morgan Llewellyn?!'' Florence just couldn't deal with this situation. She was discovering a side of Sebastian she had never seen before. The side that was very similar to Morgan's chaotic personality. And she didn't like it one bit. ''Just ignore him'' Will answered for him because Sebastian was too concentrated looking a Morgan and Chris. ''He's bewitched. It seems like that woman's exclusive fragance was poisonous after all.'' ''Well...'' Florence said bitterly. ''I don't see Toby, Tom Holland and his friends or Chris Evans bewitched. Not even Chace looks like a dreamy idiot anymore. Only Sebastian is acting like a fool. What does she have anyway?'' ''What she doesn't have'' it seemed like Sebastian was listening after all. The song ended and Morgan and Chris stayed a bit further apart from the rest of the group, sitting alone in a table. Sebastian was fuming. ''I have to stop this.'' he stood up and went towards Chris and Morgan. ''Sebastian, don't!'' Florence was getting desperate. ''Just don't do it!'' but he didn't listen. Chris and Morgan were having a normal conversation. None of them was flirting, that was absolutely out of the question. They were just talking about their pets. Chris was telling Morgan all about his dog, Dodger. ''...I love him. He's like my son. He's so unique... do you have dogs?'' There was nothing that Morgan liked more than talking about her animals. ''I have two corgis. Well, one is actually my brother's. We named them after Doctor Who characters. Mine's Doctor River Song and Clint's Captain Jack Harkness. I also have cats.'' ''Oh, I like cats too, no more than dogs but they can be nice. Are yours named after fictional characters too?'' ''No. I named them after Elizabethan people. I have Sir Francis Drake, William Shakespeare and Lady Elizabeth Tudor, who was Queen Elizabeth's name when she was Henry VIII's bastard daughter. It's impressive the amount of history you can learn through Shakespeare plays. Oh, and I rescued a cat here in New York. I named him Thirteen because of the thirteenth Doctor, who's finally a female, and I was born on a thirteen.'' She didn't mention Sebastian in the story. He had been the one that had actually found Thirteen after all. But Chris, or anyone else, didn't needed to know that. ''I was also born on a thirteenth. But of June.'' And also Sebastian, Morgan thought. But of August. Great. The triumvirate of the Thirteens. ''And I also have a sheep'' she added before making the mistake of blurting stuff about Sebastian in front of Chris Evans. ''Lady Macbeth....'' she was about to explain why she had chosen that name when she was interrupted by Sebastian. ''And here comes the Grinch.'' ''Chris, we need to talk.'' Chris was as surprised as Morgan by his attitude. ''Well, hello Sebastian. I had no idea that you were here. I haven't seen you yet.'' ''Yeah, yeah, we need to talk'' he basically dragged Chris away from Morgan, who wondered if he was jealous of her as she was talking with his beloved Chris Evans. ''Seb, are you okay?'' Chris was a bit concerned. ''What are you doing talking to her?'' he asked with bothering to answer Chris' question. ''Sebastian, are you drunk?'' Chris grabbed Sebastian's face and looked at his eyes. ''You're not. Not on alcohol at least. On jealousy, maybe. What the hell is wrong with you, Sebastian? You have a girlfriend and you're being a jerk to me because I was talking to Morgan about pets! Be honest, do you like her?'' Sebastian was a bit ashamed. He had gone there with the intention of call out Chris but the tables had turned in a second and Chris had got him straight in the wound. ''She's my co-star'' ''And? Do you think you're entitled to control her life just because she's your co-star?'' Chris laughed. ''Please, do me a favour and calm yourself down. I know you like her and you're conflicted so I'm letting this one pass as it never happened but... make up your mind.'' Sebastian found it weird that he was told the same by two different people, Michael and Chris. ''Do it sooner rather than later because you'll lose your girlfriend, Morgan Llewellyn and who knows who else, okay?'' Chris patted his shoulder with tenderness and a bit of pity. ''Chris, one more thing...'' he looked as if he was fearing the answer. ''Do you like her?'' ''I met her half an hour ago. She's a nice woman. Interesting to talk to, very charismatic. Now I know why the general public likes her so much.'' Defeated, he went back to his table. Chris went back to Morgan who was very intrigued to know what the hell Sebastian wanted. ''He was jealous'' said Chris before Morgan asked anything. ''What an idiot. Does he fear me to be a bad influence on you?'' ''He wasn't jealous of you. He was jealous of me talking to you.'' Morgan looked at him with her eyebrows raised. Her face remained unemotional. ''That is even worse. The guy has a girlfriend.'' Chris didn't believe her for a second. Maybe her unemotional voice, relaxed body language and the expression of her eyes were pretty convincing but Chris was absolutely sure that there was something else between these two. ''Whatever Sebastian feels for you, is mutual, isn't it?'' There was no need to keep lying. Chris had caught her. ''How do you know? Nevermind... look, it's weird. We hardly ever talk let alone touch if it's not strictly scripted. So, I have no idea what the hell is going on.'' She was being honest, there were days that she was really confused about what the hell was going on. ''There's something implicit between you two and you'll never admit it to each other because you're too proud for that. And he also has a girlfriend, which complicates things even more. And he's scared to leave her because what if everything backfires and he ends up staying alone. And he's probably very confused. Nice situation he got himself in.'' ''Wow, you're good in this. Anyway, I won't do anything as long as he has a girlfriend. Cheating is always wrong and he should know it. And I'm no one's second choice. Well, maybe the second woman to play the Doctor after Jodie Whittaker who's amazing. Anyway, I won't ever be 'the other woman'. That's simple humiliating.'' and she wasn't counting on the fact that she had been his fan for years. Embarrassing stuff to the limit. ''Of course it is. You deserve...'' He was about to say 'better' but Morgan wasn't listening anymore. She was looking at the door, where Joe Alwyn was making his entrance (late, by the way) accompanied by a woman that everyone in this room knew. Taylor Swift. ''Oh my God.'' she mumbled, looking at Joe talking to Damien and introducing Taylor to him. ''I've loved this woman since 2009, and I can't believe she's in front of me.'' ''I saw her live once'' Chris commented. ''She's really good.'' She was going to tell something to Chris but it was too late because Joe was already there. ''Hey, Morgan!'' he cheerfully exclaimed. ''And... Oh My God, Chris Evans. Captain America. Wow.'' he was a bit dumfounded for a minute and he wasn't the only one. He was fangirling with Chris just like Morgan was fangirling with Taylor. The difference was that Morgan didn't let it show and Joe's eyes basically shouted 'I LOVE CHRIS EVANS'. ''Hi, I'm Taylor!'' Morgan was surprised that bloody Taylor Swift was introducing herself in such a simple manner. ''Joe told me a lot about you. Believe it or not I've seen you before! I saw Lady Macbeth with Joe in 2016. I had to put on a wig just to pass as a normal person. But you were fantastic, really moving and wonderful. When Joe told me who you were I basically clapped like a seal.'' Morgan was sure that she was looking as starstruck as Joe. And she had performed in front of Taylor Swift in 2016 and she was learning about it in 2018. Nice. ''I've admired you since 2009. I know all of your lyrics, they've helped me out so many times to count.'' They were praising each other for a while and then went on talking about whatever that crossed their minds. Acting, cast mates, Hollywood, childhood stories. Anything. On his table Sebastian was with a wide smile. She had never loved Taylor Swift as much as at that moment. He wanted to stick a poster of her in his room. Thanks to her, Morgan had moved away from Chris. ''Someone should call Lord Voldemort to come and pick up his people.'' said Will, pointing at Morgan and Taylor with his head. ''They kind of look alike except from the hair colour.'' Sebastian disagreed with everything he had said. ''No. They don't look similar at all.'' once again he was making the stupid mistake of talking before thinking, ''Morgan has no comparison. She's the most beautiful woman in the world, hands down.'' He knew immediately that he shouldn't have said that. At least not in front of his girlfriend. ''You know what?'' she asked with coldness in her voice. ''Enjoy the rest of your night.'' Without saying a thing more, she stood up and left. ''Florence, wait, I'm sorry!'' ''Just, stay here, okay?'' Will was taking the situation under control before Sebastian made more of a mess causing a public scandal. ''I'll drive her home and make sure she's okay. You screwed this up.'' On the way out Florence didn't want to look at Morgan Llewellyn because she was sure that she had her signature sarcastic side smile, buy she did it anyway. And she had been wrong because Morgan was immersed into a conversation with Taylor Swift and hadn't noticed anything at all. Florence hated that harpy more than anyone she had ever met. Sebastian was looking around, making sure no one had noticed that fight with his girlfriend. But there was only Harrison Osterfield on a near table, typing something on his phone, not aware of anything. Morgan only noticed that something had happened when she had got a text from Harrison  with all the gossip. And Taylor had also noticed something. ''I think your co-star is in trouble'' she said. Of course that Joe had told Taylor all about Sebastian and Morgan's constant bickering on set. ''I think he is'' Morgan was still looking at her phone. ''Are you two still fighting?'' she asked and Morgan wanted to laugh. Not even in her wildest dreams she could have imagined that someday she was going to be a topic of conversation for Taylor Swift and her boyfriend. ''Sort of.'' she simply said. She glanced at Sebastian who was looking a bit miserable and lonely. And she felt pity for him. Curse the fangirl feelings. ''I don't know why I'm doing this but... do you want to meet him?'' she asked Taylor who simply nodded. She made her way towards Sebastian's table with Taylor closely following. When they got there, they sat at Sebastian's side. ''I don't know what's happening to me, Stan but... I feel sorry for you.'' ''I didn't know you were capable of feeling, Llewellyn. This is a nice surprise.'' ''Oh, and... Sebastian, this is Taylor Swift. Taylor, this is Sebastian Stan.'' For some reason Sebastian wasn't very excited at meeting one of the most famous persons in the world. He was more busy guessing why Morgan had decided to talk to him at all. ''Nice to meet you. I really like your songs.'' it was the most stupid thing he had ever said but luckily for him, Taylor didn't seem to mind. ''And I saw you in I, Tonya. You were absolutely fantastic. It was outrageous that the Academy snubbed you. As outrageous as Morgan not getting nominated to the Lawrence Olivier.'' ''And Red deserved a Grammy'' Morgan and Sebastian said at the same time. It was the first time in his life that he admitted to liking that particular album. Morgan kept her intense gaze fixed on Sebastian. ''Look, I'm going to be honest here'' she suddenly said. ''I mean it when I said that I was sorry for you. You look so unhappy and lonely here that it makes me feel bad. You should be with us, dancing, talking and having fun. Make up your mind, Sebastian.'' this was the third time he was told of this in just one night. And somehow Morgan Llewellyn was more convincing than Michael or Chris. ''It's time for you to do what you want, not what you need. Just like I do.'' He looked at her with raised eyebrows. But what Morgan had just said made perfect sense. ''And does it work?'' he asked with genuine curiosity. He couldn't believe he was planning to follow Morgan's life advice. ''Just look at me! I've always done whatever the hell I wanted and look where I am!'' she got closer to him. ''I think it's worth a try.'' she whispered on his ear. ''Let's take a picture together! For sure it'd get attention! Can we kiss you on the cheeks?'' ''Go ahead'' he tried to keep calm. Morgan placed her head on his shoulder and he almost got dizzy with her fragance. She smelled like diamonds, fun, excitement, the city after dark and passionate nights. Before he knew she was 'kissing' him on the cheek, but barely touching him. Taylor had just wrapped an arm around his shoulder and making a face. And that was the picture. Just in this moment, Hey Ya by Outkast started to blast throughout the place. Even Damien was dancing. ''This song!'' Taylor exclaimed with a big grin. ''We have to dance!'' ''This song is my childhood'' Morgan and Taylor stood up at the same time. Sebastian thought that Morgan was exaggerating when she had said that this song was her childhood as he had been in his early twenties when that song came out. Then he remembered that Morgan was just twenty five and she was like ten or eleven when she was listening to Outkast. Yeah, that song was her childhood. He saw Morgan making her way to the dancefloor but she stopped in the middle of the way and came back to where he was. ''Come'' she suddenly said. He was expecting anything from Morgan but not this. ''What?'' he blinked a couple of times, confused. ''Come with us and have fun''. She extended her perfectly manicured hand and without thinking it twice he took it in his, with a smile on his face.

Morgan Llewellyn during this whole chapter:

P.S. my Morgan is painful to deal with but I love her. 

HIS TOY

Harry hook X Carlos.

HIS TOY

Summary: Reader was sent to Auradon with Mal, Jay and Evie, but not with her brother Carlos. She got sent back. And is greeted by a creepy Harry and horrible news.

WARNINGS: Bad language, metions of abuse and rape. Self harm. Weirdo Harlan Hook. Also, i wrote that Cruella had dementia an died of it. Please dont get offended by this and I'm almost certain it's not correct.

WORD COUNT: 2104

____________________________________

So, I'm just back from Boradon and I went straight to Uma, Harry and Gil. They're my family. They matter more than my mother. Old Hag. Anyways, let the story begin....

I went straight to the Chip Shop. I wanted to see them, I guess I just missed them so much I couldn't help it. I only lasted six months in Boredon. I, unlike the others, never changed my style or attitude. Those weak ass excuses of Villain Kids.

I arrived at the shop, with a grin on my face. I kicked open the saloon style doors and deadpanned "I'm baaack." "Y/N!!! YOUR BACK!!" Shouted Uma, eyes wide with delight. "We've missed you soooo much." Exclaimed Gil as he pulled me into a bone crushing hug. Uma followed his lead and hugged me like if she let go I'd melt. I gladly hugged the two back. "I guess you can take the girl out of the Isle but not the Isle out of the girl." "Damn right. I got my ass back here after trying to break the barrier down. I am so mainstream." I replied, over the moon to have the two back. "Hang on, where's Harry?" I asked, slightly concerned. "Playing with his toy." Smirked Uma. "Well, I'll see him later then." I thought aloud. "Everyone saw you turn Maleficant into a lizard. People are really intimidated by you now. Your one of the most feared people here." Uma explained, and she seemed really impressed. "As if I never intimidated people." I smirked, "Well, see you guys later, I've got my stuff to put back on the ship." I waved the two goodbye. I was happy to get my old life back.

*TIME SKIP TO ON THE SHIP*

I walked onto the ship to find Harry with his hands all over some poor boy. They were facing away from the door so I snuck along the wall into my room that I shared with Harry. I quietly packed my stuff away, scribbled a note that I left in my bed saying it was me and not some stranger who put their shit away if harry came in. The place hadn't changed. I went out the back way, away from Harry and whoever that poor dude was. You know, I really don't like Harry having boy toys. It's weird to force someone to get down, if you get me, but that's just my opinion. I strolled down the streets of the Isle, occasionally stealing a hat or scarf that I liked. It's the good life.

I got back to the shop, and Harry was there. "Lass! Your back!" Shouted Harry, happy I was back. He pulled me into a bone crunching hug. My ribs really hurt today. I hugged him back and said "How've you been? It's been a while." "Fine Lass just fine, and you?" "As good as I could be in Boredon." I laughed. It's been a while since I laughed. "Hey Uma? Have you guys replaced me?"

"Don't be ridiculous. We knew you'd be back. But when can you pick up training?"

"Whenever"

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah sure, I can't believe I'm back". I replied with a smile. "But I think I'll go check in on my brother, we all know hes kind of fragile. See you guys in a few hours." And I waved them goodbye. Uma and Harry were smirking at eachother, but I ignored that and left.

*IN THE DE VIL HOUSE HOLD* *TIME SKIP*

I walked into my room in our house, it hasn't really changed. More dust and less valuables. I expected nothing less. I lay on my hammock and felt even better that I was back on the Isle. I haven't heard or seen my mother, but thats a good thing really.

I was almost drifting off to sleep when I heard a sob. I know that cry very well, for it was my brother's. I jumped up and ran towards the sound. He was always kind of soft, so I always looked after him.

I found Carlos in his room, bawling his eyes out in the corner with a knife in his hand.

"Carlos!" I exclaimed gently, not wanting to frighten him. I imidiatly hurried over to my brother to console him. I wrapped my arms around him, whispering "it's okay, I'm here." Over and over again until my little brothers tears turned dry. I made to take the knife out of his hand, but he stabbed himself in the arm. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck." I muttered aloud and rushed to my room to get the make shift first aid kit. "Just one second Carlos." I quickly told him and got to work on his arm. I blocked the blood flow, disinfectied the wound and then wrapped his arm. He was crying again. I was certain he was going to be fine now so I looked him in the eye with a sombre expression. I only then I noticed the cuts all over him. "Who did this to you?" I asked him, still being gentle.

"People at school started bullying me after you left. I gave up on trying to defend myself." I was shocked at his statement, but I was upseted most by the disapointment in his voice. Like it was the first time he admitted this to himself. "Can you give me names?" I asked even more gentle than before. "There's a lot of them, but Frank Facilier is the main bully." He still sounded disapointed, but I was livid at Frank. I've never got into any fights or anything with him, so at least Carlos wasn't suffering on my behalf. "Okay thank you. Now, please, tell me how you feel?" "Terrible to be honest. My head hurts, I'm tired, I'm emotionally exhausted and I'm starving." "I can deal with the fact your hungry at the minute, come on, I'll get food for us." I told him, smiling gently, an offering my hand to help him up. "Yeah, let's go."

I left that house with my brother, and we made to go to "Ursulas Fish n chips." I don't think he's been there before, so it seemed like a good idea. I had my arm around my brother's shoulders, as if to say "mess with him you mess with me." So no one even looked at us.

We arrived at the shop Carlos looked nervous. Probably about the whole pirates thing. I smiled at him and we walked in. The place went quiet and stared at us. "What? Haven't seen a De Vil before?" I barked and they all quickly started their conversations again. We strolled over to a booth and sat down. "So what are you getting?" I asked casually, trying to decide on which fish was fresher. "Y/N, I don't like it here." Carlos said nervously. "Don't worry, I'm in charge of these people, they won't lay a finger on you." I tried to relax him, but it didn't work. He just looked confused "Look Carlos, I never told you, but I'm a part of Umas crew, im her left hand and best friend. I never told you incase mother found out. Speaking of Mother, where and how is she?" I asked him, wanting to start a conversation. "Mother... She died. Of her dementia. A month after the parent day video chat. She passed, and her coffin is in the elephant graveyard, I think. I found out from Jafar. I ran away after seeing you guys on the screen. I moved back in before people could trash the house, sometimes EQ and Jafar visit, but only to tell me to do stuff for them. I'm glad your back, it's been.... Horrible. I'm glad you chose evil, if you know what I mean." Carlos spoke his mind, he looked like the world was lifted off his shoulders, but he still had the moon to carry. I was about to ask what else was on his mind when Uma came up to our booth and asked,

"So left hand mate, what will it be?"

"Can I have the salmon?" I asked, somewhat trying my luck.

"Your lucky we're friends, and you?" Uma threatened and then asked.

"Erm, what ever Y/Ns having?" Carlos almost asked himself. He seemed very nervous to be near Uma.

"Only because your related" she snarked, then smirked.

"Oh, I'm not bothered, Gil can make it. GIL!! MAKE TWO SALMONS FOR THE DE VILS!!" Uma shouted, and then said "Well, im off on my break, see you later Y/N." And with that she left.

"So, anything else interesting happen when I was gone?" I asked,trying to ease the tension.

"Nothing really, just what I've mentioned so far."

Carlos was clearly lieing, I can read him like a book.

So I asked him,

"Are you sure Carlos? You seem to want to tell me more. "

"No, I'm fine, I'm just kinda on edge. I don't really like it here."

He was nervous and figity, I didn't like it. Just then Harry served us our food, and Carlos became even more figity. My brother was hesitant to eat the food at first, probably incase it was poisoned I guessed, so I ate some of his and proved it was fine. We ate ravonously, I could tell Carlos hadn't eaten in a while. We finished our food, which was really good, even to Auradon stardards. ( Note to self: Hire Gil as personal chef) So I thanked Gil, and waved goodbye to my friends. After I said my goodbyes, my brother and I headed off for home, even if it wasn't very homely.

We arrived at our house and I said, "Well, I'll get you some water, and we can sleep." "Y/N WAIT!" Carlos shouted, clearly panicked. I drew my sword from my sheath and shouted "WHAT? WHO DO I HAVE TO KILL?" "No one, I just wanted to know if I could sleep in your room, I'd feel safer." Carlos replied sheepishly. I usually built up walls between people, bit Carlos breaks my heart. "Of course you can, do you want to sleep here or on the ship? The ship is safer." I answered/asked. "Maybe the ship" He said. "You should have some water, I'll get the spare hammocks, first aid kit and spare swords and we'll go." I told him with a smile. He sat down on a comfy chair, and I got him a drink. I collected my things and we were ready to go. "Hang on" I said. " You need a weapon." I ran back to my room and got a spare sword and scabbard. I gave them to Carlos and he asked "why do I need this? I don't know how to sword fight." "Intimidation, really and also, I'm training recruits tomorrow for Uma, wanna join the class? It'd be good to learn how to fight." "Yeah, that seems like a good idea." He said as he put on his scabbard. "I'm intimidated, now let's go."

We arrived at the ship and I ran into Harry going to the room, I noticed that Carlos went extremely rigid when he met pirates, but he was worse around Harry. "Har! Are you in our room tonight?" I shouted across the deck. "No Lass, I'm on the Nightshift." He replied, threw a wink at Carlos of all people and walked off to Ursulas. "Well, the room is ours tonight, but I wouldn't sleep in Harry's bed anyhow, too many people have slept in there, if you know what I mean." I told Carlos. I didn't expect him to reply with what he did. "I know I have." He muttered just loud enough for me to hear. "WHAT?" I shouted out of shock. "I'll talk about it later Y/N please?" "Fine, but I want answers." I replied.

We were walking to the living quarters below deck, we met Uma. "Uma, can Carlos sleep on the ship tonight?" I asked the captain. "Go ahead, Harry has plenty of overnight guests." Uma said with a wink, but we overlooked this. "Thanks Uma" Carlos and I walked off to mine and Harry's cabin.

A/N All done!!!! Part 2 will be out soon, but it'll be dark, btw. Forms of rape and abuse are mentioned, so be warned if you want to read more!

50 more interesting questions

Rules: fill this out and tag at least one person you’d like to know more about! Or just fill it out! Or don’t! Answer only some of them! Make up your own questions! “What kind of requirement is that”, you ask? A reasonable one! Who am I to tell you what to do? Anything goes!

tagged by @acrispyapple​ this was very long 

1. What kind of food can’t you stand? really spicy food, tho recently i’ve been getting better at handling spices. Also food that has cauliflower or cilantro

2. If you could choose one minor inconvenience to never have to deal with again, what would you pick? I’d love it if my fish tanks could magically clean themselves and feed the fish, that’d be great

3. Have you got any useless talents? is not being affected by the caffeine in coffee a talent? 

4. If you were really really good at one thing, what would it be? Probably drawing. I have soo many ideas but hardly any artistic talent lol. 

5. Name a few people you think are extremely good-looking gdragon and top from bigbang

6. What was your favorite way to pass the time as a kid? I wasn’t allowed to go outside really when I was younger so all I did was read books, watch tv, rewatch disney movies and harry potter movies over and over. 

7. What is something you’re proud of? eh, I don’t think i’ve done anything worth being proud about yet...ask me again when I have a career

8. What’s one character flaw in people that you just can’t tolerate? I hate when people don’t have proper manners, it’s so annoying. 

9. Do you consider yourself to be more of a leader or a follower? oh a follower for sure. I am but a humble, shy sheep~ leading requires effort lol and it just isn’t interesting for me. Although, if i’m forced into a leadership position I’ll do well, it’s just that I do want to do it. 

10. What kind of student are/were you? a pretty good kiddo. Never gto into trouble, and besides my ap physics grade back in junior year I never had low grades. Had to stay in tip top shape academically in order to get anything I wanted and not be disowned by my mom lol. 

11. Butterfly effect question! Has there ever been a seemingly minor decision you’ve made (at the time) that ended up having a profound influence on your life? eh I don’t really think so but maybe

12. Name your most irrational fear/aversion SPIDERS, they’re the devil’s animal haha. so that and most most insects ughhh 

13. Are there any fictional characters you find especially relatable? hmmm...maybe the mc from kiss him, not me? She’s into weeb shit, I’m into weeb shit. She likes yaoi, I like yaoi lol but she is way more into it than I will ever be. Also she’s surrounded by hot guys, which I am not and that is the ultimate tragedy. 

kind of drunk are you? Alternatively, what sort of person are you at parties? I’m still underage so i dunno. Ask me again in January when my bff turns 21, I’ll let you know. At parties I’m super awkward so I’ll either just stand around looking really awkward or follow my friends around. 

15. Do you fall in love easily? Or does it usually take a long time for you to trust someone? it’ll take a loooong while. I don’t trust guys (or most people). you can’t unlock my tragic backstory that easily if  you date me. 

16. Would you rather have one close friend or 100 casual friends? one. I love having close bonds with people because then I won’t feel lonely. Also who needs that many friends. 

17. Do you consider yourself to be more of a slob or a neat-freak? I like to have things clean for the most part. Though I might get really lazy and just throw things down and not put them away for a few hours lol. Also my desk can get pretty messy sometimes and becomes a sort of organized chaos, but I’ll always fix it anyway since the mess will eventually bother me. 

18. Describe a place (imaginary or real) that you would find incredibly cozy. Somewhere where the weather isn’t terribly hot or cold in their respective seasons and is overcast  most of the time. Or Loches, France. I freaking love that place it’s really nice.

19. Do you have kids? If not, do you want them someday? I’d love to have kids, at least 3. 

20. What was your favorite book as a child? I used to read the goosebumps and fear street series a lot. Also harry potter, a series of unfortunate events and the chronicles of narnia (Though fo some reason I couldn’t remember the books in that series at all but luckily @acrispyapple​ told me to reread it and now I have renewed love for it) 

21. Name one thing you just don’t get what all the hype is about yeah fidget spinners are pretty dumb and I see them wherever I go. 

22. Name one thing that you think is tragically underrated learning how to type properly? I think a lot of people barely know how to type and it upsets me to no end. I hate when people finger peck at the keys, they’re so slow.

23. If you had to be glued to a person for a month, real or fictional (who you have never met), who would you choose? hmm, maybe natsume takashi from natsume yuujinchou. Mostly becuase I really like him. Also being attached to him means I can cuddle nyanko-senesei. Or Nikkari Aoe from touken ranbu because I love him too. 

24. What’s something you’d like the chance to do someday? travel all over! 

25. Do you typically speak your mind when you have a controversial opinion? Or do generally prefer to not rock the boat? I don’t like confrontation so I keep my mouth shut usually. 

26. What’s the dumbest fad you’ve been caught up in? hmm, not sure

27. What’s something you thought was cool as a kid/adolescent, but now cringe at yourself for? *war flashbacks of being emo*

28. What’s a trait you consider to be very admirable? I admire people who can speak their minds without fear, of course they also have to have tact. Also the kind of people who are so good at leading that you’ll naturally want to follow them.

29. Is there a particular kind of item people always tend to give you as gifts? (For instance, people always get you things with ducks on them because you like ducks, etc.) people like to give me things with cats bc cat’s are God’s greatest gift to humanity. I appreciate money just a little more though lol. 

30. Do you speak multiple languages? Which ones? Yup. English, French, and Japanese. I really want to learn Korean, German and Spanish but I usually spend half of my free time on continuing japanese studies so we’ll see. 

31. Would you rather live in the big city or the countryside? Neither. I like the suburbs. Either that or smaller cities at least. 

32. Has there ever been something you were certain you’d hate, but ended up loving? sarada uchiha. When I first saw her at the end of naruto i kinda automaically hated her because I hate sakura. But ever since gaiden and the boruto movie I saw her personality and realized that I lover her haha. So whenever I see her in a boruto ep I’m pretty happy. 

33. Do you mind being the center of attention, or do you prefer the spotlight to be on someone else? nope, I get so uncomfortable. I’m happy enough to not be noticed. 

34. Favorite holiday? Christmas! I’m so obnoxious about it haha. I love singing Christmas songs and I’ll gladly sing along to the Christmas music that plays in stores and stuff. 

35. Are you a more go-with-the-flow type of person, or do you need to have things planned meticulously? a bit of both. For the most part I’m go with the flow but for most important things that happens outside of home life having some kind of plan is logical and for the best .

36. Is there something you loved so much you wish you could forget it and experience it all over again? (A tv show, book, series–anything.) the dragon age series and mass effect series. 

37. What hobbies do you have? reading, running this crap blog, doodling, studying, video games

38. If you could have a superpower, but it was only mildly useful, what ability would you want to have? the ability to make things clean themselves. 

39. Something people are always surprised to learn about you I’m super lazy! I give off the impression that i would never ever be lazy which is just a lie lmao. That doesn’t mean I won’t do the work that I have to do. One can’t be remiss about those things you know, you’ll set yourself up for failure that way. I just hate wasting energy  

40. Something that took you way too long to figure out  I can’t work @cyniccat​‘s sewing machine properly for the life of me.

41. Worst injury you’ve had? I accidentally ripped the skin off of one of my toes with a door. 

42. Any morbid fascinations? idk

43. Describe your sense of humor eh idk, I like sarcasm since I have such rapier wit. I also love really lame jokes lol. but I usually find most things 

44. If you had to be born in another era/place, which would you choose? well I wouldn’t want to live in another era because they weren’t such fun times for poc’s. But If I could live in another place, I’d rather live in either Canada or France. Maybe Japan. 

45. Something you are irredeemably bad at I can’t summarize that well without rambling. 

46. Something that sucked but you’re glad you went through school. Even though it made my cry and my workload stressed me out I met my best friends there and more importantly I got an education. 

47. Would you rather have a really godawful ugly tattoo in a place that is only slightly inconvenient to conceal with clothing (upper arm, thigh, etc.), or the coolest, most beautiful tattoo ever in the middle of your face? (Neither tattoo can be removed or concealed with makeup, and the ugly tattoo will deeply offend anyone who sees it.) I don’t want a tattoo ever, so the ugly one but like what’s so offensive about it??

48. Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist? for a pessimist i’m pretty optimistic 

49. What would be the most flattering compliment someone could give you? “you fight good”. uh i’m not sure. I don’t take compliments well so even if it was the most flattering thing I probably wouldn’t believe whoever said it and just awkwardly laugh and say thanks. 

50. Something you feel people often misunderstand about you hmm people who don’t know me think I like talking irl. I’m more of a listener. 

i’m only tagging two people bc I like to see them suffer with me but this is open to anyone who wants to do it

@krazy19kat @dicksoutforzarkon

You gonna hate me but,,, 1-102? *devil grin* love you ❤

Oh my god OKAY HERE WE GO, 1-102 IN RESPONSE TO THIS 
(Putting it under a cut because this is gonna be LONG oh boy)

1. Favorite season?Definitely fall! It’s got my birthday and perfect temperatures!

2. Prettiest thing you own?Probably my cats lmao

3. Do you prefer to be outside or inside?Honestly it really depends on my mood and the weather and such, but probably inside on average? I’m not sure

4. Furthest ever traveled?I live in Michigan and I’ve been so Japan so I’d say that’s p far

5. What’s your aesthetic in 3 words?It really varies

6. Favorite gemstone?Ooooh uhh… probably bloodstone? It’s hella pretty look it up !

7. Best thing about yourself, in your opinionMy drawing skills

8. Best thing about yourself, in other’s opinionNothing lmao uhh hHHHHH I’ve been told that I’m very empathetic, understanding, and easy/fun to talk to?? 

9. What’s your weirdest fear?Idk if this counts as a fear, but I’m p paranoid about doors and people entering rooms I guess? Like I can’t sleep unless I face the door and I feel really uncomfortable sitting in places where I can’t see every entrance to the room at a time

10. Weirdest dream you’ve ever had?OH MAN well okay uh when I started reading the Harry Potter series in like 7th grade I had this dream where I was like Harry but with wings instead of arms and bird legs? And the dream had the perspective of an RPG or something with a health bar and everything and I had to fight Voldemort in my backyard under my trampoline. Also at some point I ran into my teacher at the time in a hospital in said dream so that was p damn weird

11. Go-to hiding placeAnywhere small, but not too small, where i can be completely hidden without somebody opening a door or latch or something12. Favorite place in your houseLmao my room13. Earliest memoryMy earliest memory is from being on a cruise when I was four and getting really mad at my parents because they saw some dolphins outside and I wasn’t there to see them xD14. Do you believe in ghosts?I’m honestly not sure15. Favorite sea creature?I have no idea so I’m just gonna say sea cucumber or cuttlefish because both are sea creatures that I adore !!16. Cold showers or hot baths?HOT BATHS ALL THE WAY17. Satin or lace?I adore lace so like,,,, definitely that18. Gold or silver?I personally like the way silver looks MUCH better but at the same time there’s The Outsiders and it’s whole kink with the color gold so likeeee,,,,,, idk man19. Hoops or pearl earrings?Pearl20. Aesthetic songShelter by Porter Robinson and Madeon

21. Top 5 songsUHHHH DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE BRUHBut uhh at the moment I guess it would be, in no particular order,1- Another Day from Rent2- Michael in the Bathroom from Be More Chill3- Grease (Is The Word) from Grease Live!4- Beautiful from Heathers5- Nandemonaiya from Your Name

22. Favorite time of the day?Early morning and/or late night

23. Favorite part of your body?Again nothing lmao but I guessss my eyes????

24. Do you drink alcohol?I’m fourteen years old and also allergic to beer so I mean

25. Dream job from when you were a kidI don’t want to do this anymore, but when I was a Smol I really wanted to start a pet-sitting business in my town xD

26. Messy or clean?It depends tbh. Likkkkke my room is messy af but I’m super overprotective of some things and will like stab somebody if they get a book of mine dirty

27. Tea or coffee?I don’t really like either but I guess tea?

28. Favorite bookTHE OUTSIDERS THE OUTSIDERS THE OUTSIDERS TH 

29. Zodiac sign?Libra all the way B)

30. Extrovert or introvert?I think I’m more of an extrovert, but it’s hard to tell

31. Celebrity crush?I mean there are a LOT of celebrities I could look at and be like “oh yeah that person’s hella cute!!” but I don’t think I’ve ever had a real celebrity crush

32.  Early bird or night owl?Both lmao

33. Do you believe in love at first sight?I want to but ehHHHHH not really

34. Favorite book quote Honestly I,,,,, don’t have one. I’m super bad at remembering quotes and things like that so I don’t have a favorite book quote ;;

35. Three wishes you haveI’m gonna sound like a greedy bitch but1- To have better grades/be better at life in general2- To be more wealthy3- To get my dream job

36. Do you believe in magic?I have No Idea

37. Do you believe in soulmates?Not really, but I do believe that there are certain people who will definitely be more compatible by nature

38. Zoo or aquarium?I LOVE ZOOS

39. Cats or dogs?I love both but I’ve never owned a dog and I grew up with cats sOOO I’d probably have to say those

40. How many languages do you speak?English is my first language so there’s that but I also know a tiny bit of Japanese?? Not really enough to count it as knowing another language tho

41. How has your life changed from last year?I’ve developed a p bad social anxiety disorder this year so there’s that?

42. Why do you have your name/url?I’ve got my name just because my parents like it, and I have my url because if you couldn’t tell I’m obsessed with The Outsiders, and ESPECIALLY Johnny Cade xD

43.  Do you keep secrets? How well?I definitely try my best to, but I tend to accidentally let things slip without meaning to on occasion,,,

44. Favorite animal?I HAVE A LOT SO, AGAIN IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER,1- Caribou2- Kangaroos3- River otters4- Birds in general lmao

45. What is love to you?UhhHHHHHHHHH I have no idea how to interpret this question but,,,I don’t know, I guess love, platonic or romantic, is when there’s somebody who you trust and feel really comfortable with, and who you enjoy spending time together with and uhh. I guess that? I don’t know, I apologize 

46. Future children name?I don’t really want kids and if I did I’d adopt, so idk

47. Favorite colorPurple! ^^

48. Favorite movieTHE OUTSIDERS THE OUTSIDERS THE OUTSIDERS TH

49. Cuddles or kisses?I’m a slut for cuddles tbh so definitely that

50. If you could have any person in the world over for dinner, who would it be?I have. No Idea

51. Someone to bring back from the deadMy cat Persion who died last fall ;;

52. Lipstick or lipgloss?I don’t really like either very much tbh

53. Are you street smart or book smart?I’m just not smart lmao

54. Your biggest strengthI’m super nice and friendly, so I guess there’s that

55. Favorite sportVolleyball!!

56. Favorite drink?Just plain ice water lmao

57. Favorite winter activity?I LOVE sledding like oh man I get super sad if I miss the chance to go

58. Last time you went abroadWhen I went to Japan in November!

59. Favorite dessert?OKAY I FUCKING LOVE THOSE DOUGHNUTS WITH THE CUSTARD INSIDE AND THE CHOCOLATE ON TOP THOSE ARE THE FUCKING BEST

60. Favorite artistI don’t necessarily have one but I guess I really love @ikimaru because her art style was a HUGE influence on me while I was developing mine and also her art is just Super Gorgest

61. Favorite singer/bandI don’t really have one, I’m kinda just obsessed with Broadway music in general

62. Favorite dancing songI don’t think I have one?

63. Favorite crying songFinale A, Your Eyes, and Finale B from Rent (I can’t find any good videos of the original Broadway cast recording of this and I don’t like the movie version so oops ;;)

64. Do you wear glasses?Yep, have since first grade!

65. First thing you do when you wake upCheck my phone lmao

66. How long do you usually sleep for?It varies a lot but probably about six-seven hours on average

67. One thing you lost and you want backI can’t think of anything off the top of my head I’m Afraid

68. Biggest fearBeing unsuccessful in life and/or being hated/alone/forgotten 

69. Favorite carnival rideI’ve only been to one carnival ever but there was this thing that flipped you around a lot in a lil cage-like thing and I LOVED that !

70. Do you have birthmarks or scars?I get injured a lot and have a bad habit of picking at scabs, so I have a lot of little scars everywhere

71. Favorite childhood memory?Probably when I first got my kitten Kivu in fourth grade, he’s a Good Boy

72. What do you think about during a storm?“wow that sure is one cool storm”

73. One word to describe your life?What

74. Craziest thing ever doneOnce when I was little I tried to wake up my Dad by throwing a hamster at him xD

75. Do you have piercings or tattoos?I don’t have either currently, but I might be getting my ears pierced later today!

76. Favorite flowerI don’t think I have one 

77. Do you have any pets?Yep! I’ve got my rabbit Tamaki, and my cats Ginger and Kivuli ^^

78. Describe your style??????

79. Choose one thing to change about yourselfThe way I look prolly

80. Do you play any musical instruments?I used to play cello, but I don’t anymore 

81. If your life was a movie would it be a comedy, a rom-com, action film or drama?Probably a comedy or a drama? ?? ?

82. Do you prefer dark, dramatic makeup or natural makeup?I like both a lot, it really depends on my mood or the person !

83. Favorite perfumeEw No Thanks

84. Biggest fandomCurrently probably The Outsiders? I’m not sure tbh

85. Favorite Youtuber(s)No particular order again lmao1- Game Grumps2- Markiplier3- Nostalgia Critic4- PeanutButterGamer5- SpaceHamster

86. OTPOH BOY UHH UHHonestly I love so many ships in so many different ways that I don’t think I could choose !!

87. Country, state where you were bornMichigan in the US ^^

88. Your parents’ namesCarol and David

89. Favorite snackI love waaayyy too many snack foods to choose!

90. Pasta or pizzaPASTA ALL THE FUCKING WAY

91. Pen or pencilI definitely like pencils a Lot more

92. Blue or black inkBlack !

93. Paper books or electronic books?I am a slut for paper books tbh lmao

94. History or geography?History is WAY more interesting to me 

95. Pastel or neonP A S T E L !!!!!

97. Soap or body wash Uhhhhhhh…. Shrug?

98. Conditioner, no conditioner, or 2 in 1 shampoo & conditionerI honestly haven’t used any conditioner in years,,, ;;

99. Singing in the shower or notSometimes !

100. Listen to music while bathing or silenceBoth, it depends on what I’m in the mood for xD

101. Blow dry, towel dry, or air dry your hairA combo of towel and air unless I’m in a rush or something

102. Morning or night showers?DEFINITELY night 

THERE YOU GO, ANON, 1-102 

FUCKIN ENJOY 

Ed Harris Has Absolutely No Idea What's Happening On 'Westworld'

http://fashion-trendin.com/ed-harris-has-absolutely-no-idea-whats-happening-on-westworld/

Ed Harris Has Absolutely No Idea What's Happening On 'Westworld'

The actor behind the Man in Black is as confused about the plot of “Westworld” as the rest of us.

“Even when I watch it,” Ed Harris said, “there’s a lot of it that I don’t always understand.”

“Yeah, I have no idea where it’s heading,” he added. “I don’t even know if I’m in it or not [next season]. I figure I am? But I don’t know in what capacity, and I don’t know what the what will be happening.”

Harris has been a Hollywood fixture since the 1980s, but these days the 67-year-old actor admits he’s probably more recognizable as the pot-stirring cowboy on HBO’s ever-baffling sci-fi Western drama series. Now in his second season as the show’s quasi-villain (a kind investor-turned-murderous dad who’s hellbent on figuring out what makes the robot park tick), he’s as lost as the viewers when it comes to the series’ famously hard-to-follow timeline.

“I got to tell you, the way this season ends, I have no idea what’s going to be going on,” he concluded.

Harris called me himself from the comfort of his Malibu, California, home last week to talk about the penultimate episode of “Westworld” Season 2, dubbed “Vanishing Point.” In it, the Man in Black, badly injured after being shot by both Maeve (Thandie Newton) and Lawrence (Clifton Collins Jr.), comes to blows with his daughter Grace (Katja Herbers) after reminiscing about the tragic death of his wife and her mother, Juliet (Sela Ward).

Earlier this season, viewers assumed Juliet died by suicide amid struggles with substance abuse, but in Season 2, Episode 9 we learn that she couldn’t accept her husband’s obsession with the android theme park. After finding his profile ― a dossier of sorts containing video footage of every seedy moment he’s experienced in Westworld ― she is sickened by his violent behavior. Before taking her own life, she deliberately leaves the profile behind for her daughter to uncover. Grace eventually finds it, but when she brings that information to the attention of her father, instead of hearing her out, he proceeds to kill his only child out of fear she’s just another one of park creator Ford’s (Anthony Hopkins) bot spies. 

Over the phone, Harris discussed the Man in Black’s devastating disconnection with reality and the longstanding theory that he’s actually an android himself. Oh, and he made it very clear he has no idea what’s going on in “Westworld,” either.

HBO

Ed Harris as the Man in Black on “Westworld” Season 2, Episode 9. 

You’ve had a stellar season but in Episode 9, you deliver, my friend. Let’s discuss some of what goes down. When you read the script, what were your thoughts?

I knew there were going to be some scenes in the past, in terms of the history with his family, so I was looking forward to it. Then I read it and thought, yeah, this will be fun to chew on.

It’s interesting because I’ve been watching it week-to-week with my wife [actress Amy Madigan] and there are certain weeks where I’m hardly in it, or not in it at all, and I feel like my character is kind of superfluous in terms of what’s really going on. But I’m glad there are certain episodes where you get back to the Man in Black and hopefully get intrigued by what is going on with him. Episode 9 was a good one. Working with Sela and Katja was intense.

The Man in Black is a central player, for sure, but I agree that it must be hard to keep track of your storyline among all the other characters on the show.

I got to the point last year when I would just focus on what was going on with the Man in Black because there’s so much going on [in the show]. Even when I watch it, and as much as I am a part of it, there’s a lot of it that I don’t always understand.

I find it fascinating and really interesting and I love watching it, but I don’t always get the intricacies of what’s taking place. [Laughs]

You sound just like me as a viewer!

Yeah, I think it’s got to be true of most viewers! It’s like “Game of Thrones,” in a sense that I loved watching that and I didn’t read the books. When I’m watching it with my daughter it’s great, because she can tell me everything about who everybody is and what’s going on. It’s one of those things where you get the gist of it, but you don’t necessarily understand all the minutiae.

It is probably a different experience to be a part of a show that has people heading to Reddit and message boards to discuss the small details of the plot. What has that sort of “spoiler” attention been like for you?

Well, I don’t pay any attention to all the things that are written about it, so that doesn’t affect me at all. It’s kind of funny because more people have probably seen me playing the Man in Black than all the films I’ve made combined. I wouldn’t be surprised! So that’s a bit odd.

Even when I watch [Westworld], and as much as I am a part of it, there’s a lot of it that I don’t always understand. I find it fascinating and really interesting and I love watching it, but I don’t always get the intricacies of what’s taking place. Ed Harris

Did you get the sense when you signed on to play this role that it would get a lot of attention?

I figured when HBO was putting a lot behind it ― our budgets are pretty big. Jonah [Nolan] and Lisa [Joy, the creators] are committed to making this a special kind of deal. Their integrity and their commitment and the depth of their work on creating this thing, it’s very impressive. So I was like, yeah, if I can help these guys fulfill their vision, I’d be happy to try. I didn’t really go into it knowing how I would feel doing it, it was just a really fun character. I mean, Man in Black? What the heck! I was going to have some fun.

There’s so much programming today, yet the Man in Black still feels like a unique character on TV.

Yeah, what, there’s maybe like 500 shows a year now or something? It’s unbelievable. I’ve been doing this for a while and so I still enjoy the acting thing and the more challenging a moment or a scene is, the more that calls on me to dig deep, I like that. It’s fun. It makes me feel like I’m doing something.

You get to play two different sides of this character, too: Man in Black in Westworld vs. William or Bill in the real world. How do you approach each situation?

You just try to … find the truth of the moment. Once you’re out of the Man in Black outfit and you got a suit on, you feel different, you know? [Laughs] And you’re working under different circumstances and you’re working with different people ― your wife and daughter, in a domestic situation that’s difficult ― so, as an actor, it’s just kind of organic.

How conscientious are you of your physical movements as an actor? Your walk or the way you hop on a horse to illustrate the Man in Black’s demeanor. Especially in a role like this, where every little word or movement tricks the viewer.

I think I’m probably as conscientious of my physical movements as I am of my vocal patterns or gestures of intent.

In Episode 9, for example, the Man in Black seems to be struggling with what is real, and he starts to question whether he, himself, is a robot. So viewers start assuming you might be one, too. How do you go about playing that?

He’s been so immersed in this park and in this other reality, this other dimension, that he’s lost it. He basically gets lost in it and he’s not sure what is going on. And so, especially working on this show, it’s not that difficult to play, “I don’t know what’s going on!” [Laughs]

Ed Harris doesn’t know, the Man in Black doesn’t know …

[Laughs] Yeah, I have no idea where it’s heading. We’re not supposed to start shooting Season 3 until next June, so I don’t even know if I’m in it or not. I figure I am? But I don’t know in what capacity, and I don’t know what the what will be happening. We’ll find out.

Well, there is a theory floating around that the robot Ford was working on in Season 1 was William ― was you. Can you give us any taste of whether you think that could be a possibility?

No, because I don’t really know! As the show progresses, there seems to be more and more dimensions. There’s the future, there’s the past, there’s the present, and so anything’s possible. But I can’t say much more than that.  

Anything is possible, as we saw Ford die in the finale last season, and he’s back in full swing. Probably not a bad gig acting alongside Anthony Hopkins, of course.

No, it’s good. I love working with Anthony.

Let’s talk about that scene with Ford in Episode 9, where he gives you the profile of William/the Man in Black and all he’s done in the park. It comes back to bite him in a huge way.  

Right. That’s the thing that sets him off on this whole journey he’s on. For years, he’s saying, “I’m going to blow this effin’ place up.” He’s very disturbed ― disappointed is not the word, but he’s enraged that his profile is such that he just thinks it’s bullshit. It’s also a total intrusion and he disagrees with it and he’s saying, “This was my idea, but it’s a bad one and it’s got to stop.”

We see his story unfold from William to the Man in Black. How does watching all that play with his own mind? A good guy turned a villain again and again.

He says, at some point, something to the effect of, “This part of me has always been with me.” He accepts that and realizes the park is a place where he can exorcise that part of him, that’s why he’s been going back every year. When he’s a civilian, he’s being honored for being this philanthropist ― he’s a very well-respected citizen on the outside. But he’s got this part of him that he knows is true and that he tries to confine to the park.

Now, he says he’s not leaving the park and will just be this guy and do what he’s got to do. It’s very deep and complicated and gets down to the core of this guy’s humanity. Sometimes it’s a little tricky to mine that, but it’s very helpful to have Jonah and Lisa around, because their combined minds work in a much different way than mine. It’s very helpful to me to ask them questions or have them warn me about what they really have in mind or what’s really going on, and that helps me deepen the reality of what I’m doing.

I’m sure it helped having Sela Ward join this episode and for you to see how the Man in Black’s actions have affected his family life outside of the park. How was it to dive into a husband-wife storyline for a little bit?

It was interesting, you know. She’s the one character, or the only other person in the outside world, who kind of knows the truth of this guy. She sees beyond his façade of being this respected citizen, and she calls him on it. 

HBO

Ed Harris and Sela Ward in “Westworld” Season 2, Episode 9, “Vanishing Point.” 

You really got to dig deep not only with Sela, but with your daughter, played by Katja Herbers. What we see at the end is the Man in Black seemingly kills his own child. Robot or human, that will surely mess with his psyche.

Yeah, it was a little surprising, I suppose, but [pause] the years that he’s been in this park, especially now that he says he’s not going to leave, I mean, his mind is in another place. He’s paranoid and knows that Ford is full of tricks and who knows what’s real and what isn’t? In that moment he just says, sorry, but you’re not even my daughter, so, goodbye. And then he goes, wait a minute, was she? Should I end my life? What should I do? He doesn’t know what to do. 

Are you worried at all about his path moving forward?

Well, yeah. I got to tell you, the way this season ends, I have no idea what’s going to be going on. I’m not nervous about it, but I really have no idea.

Can you tell us anything about the finale?

No, I can’t. [Laughs] I was instructed not to say an effin’ word, so I’m not going to!

Do you know if Jimmi Simpson will still be around portraying Man in Black as a younger man?

Who knows? I don’t know. I really don’t.

You guys didn’t know you were the same character when you first started the show, correct?

I don’t know if he did, but I sure didn’t. I mean, I saw Jimmi walking around the trailers on set one day and somebody told me, “You know, that’s you as a younger man.” I said, “What?!” I didn’t even know!

Jimmi told me it’s very intimidating to know he had to “grow up” to be Ed Harris.

Ohhh, I don’t think he’s intimidated anymore. We have a really good relationship. Sometimes he’ll email me some questions, like, “We’re going to do this scene where we both have to do the same thing with Delos. Are there any mannerisms or anything, blah, blah, blah?” I think Jimmi does a great job. He’s really cool, especially his relationship with Evan [Rachel Wood] and all that.

Do you and the rest of the cast ever theorize with each other about what’s going to happen?

Well, I have a feeling maybe Evan does with Thandie [Newton] or James [Marsden] or something, but I don’t really get into it too much. Just trying to do my thing, you know?

Jeff Kravitz via Getty Images

Jeffrey Wright, Evan Rachel Wood, Thandie Newton, Ed Harris and James Marsden attend the FYC Event for HBO’s WESTWORLD Season 2 at ArcLight Cinemas Cinerama Dome on April 17, 2018 in Hollywood, California. 

Yes, you said you try to stay out of the theory spirals. But in the opening credits, did you notice the robot babies? Will there be kid robots running around soon?

I have no idea! I really don’t! [Laughs] I mean, if they’re robot kids, do they just stay kids? I guess? It’s not like these people are getting older! I don’t know, that’s a mystery to me. I don’t know.

And then of course there was the whole James Delos-human-droid-immortality storyline, which you were a part of.

Yeah, it doesn’t seem to be working out too well for James! [Laughs]

Portraying something like that on-screen must be a mind trip, just considering how much our own world has grown, tech-wise, in the last 20 years.

It was a mind trip, but I got to tell you, my mind doesn’t really go there. I’m such a kind of, I don’t know, practical, realistic person in the way I look at things. I talk to Jonah and he’ll go on for minutes and minutes about what’s going on and it goes in one ear and out the other for me because I don’t really … they just think in different ways. Their whole selves are in a realm that my mind doesn’t even go to. I try to deal with the reality scene by scene, line by line, of what my character is doing and I don’t really cogitate too much about the ramifications of it all.

I mean, I know that artificial intelligence is becoming more and more a part of our world and I wonder where that all is going to end up, but I don’t spend a ton of time thinking about it.

Emmys season is coming up. Do you ever consider the possibility of award recognition, or are you just focused on the work?

There are certain roles that you know are more, not flashy, but more in-depth or more liable to be recognized. But that doesn’t really affect me. I don’t really think about it because it’s such a crapshoot anyway — you work on a film these days, especially on any kind of independent movie, you don’t even know if it’s going to be seen. The fulfilling part of it is the work: the rehearsal, the preparation, the time in front of the camera. After that it’s anybody’s guess.

That’s one of the things that’s kind of cool about being on “Westworld” is you know it’s very successful, you know people are into it, you know it’s a “hit,” so you know it’s going to be seen. But still, it would be just as fulfilling if it wasn’t. It’s about what you gain, what you learn … I just try to appreciate the creative part of it and the rest of it is up for grabs.

“Westworld” airs on Sundays at 9 p.m. ET on HBO. This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. 

This has been a special edition of “Doesn’t Look Like Anything To Leigh … And Bill,” HuffPost’s weekly recap in which we break down the craziest thing you might have missed on “Westworld.”

Want more? Read all of HuffPost’s “Westworld” coverage.