#so it’s impossible to know if it was actually true
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Hi!! could I request Argenti, Boothill and Jing Yuan when someone tries to flirt with their s/o? I absolutely adore your writing btw!! Hope you're doing good!!
Boothill
Has a bullet with their name written on it and it was in times like theses where he wishes his shit hadn’t been tampered with, just so he could curse the bastard out for merely brushing shoulders either you.
Words such as:
Mother fudger
Heck
And Gosh darn it
Weren’t exactly going to scare the person flirting with you off with their tail between their legs but threatening to shot them would. However after the person had scampered off, Boothill would be subjected to you scolding him about threatening people for simply flirting with you, when there were other ways to do so without the inclusion of unnecessary violence.
Boothill can’t help it! He hates it when people flirt with his darling and he isn’t one for sharing you either, he’d much rather hog all of your time and attention for himself! You were his partner! Not everyone else’s!
‘Boothill.’ You said warningly.
‘What?’ He said as he tugged you into his side, keeping his arm at your waist possessively. ‘He was getting a little too cosy and I had to remind that fudging idiot to keep his hands to himself.’ He adds with a smirk, stealing a kiss from your lips.
His jealously stems from his own hatred towards his metal body, you could find someone else who could feel you in your entirety beyond from their face and head, unlike him.
‘I get that and I thank you for running them off, but you know you don’t have to worry about me looking at anyone else.’ You reassured him as you held his face in your hands and watched as his smile falters and his featured relaxed into your touch. ‘You’re all I want, you’re all i’ll ever need regardless of your inability to physically feel.’ You then pressed your forehead against his, feeling him push himself further against you in a selfish need to feel you. ‘You’re my handsome, handsome cowboy.’ You whispered.
‘I am your handsome, handsome cowboy.’ He muttered under his breath.
Argenti
He’s not jealous in the slightest.
He’s the most trusting in the strength of your relationship and you to even allow for an ounce of doubt to permeate his thoughts.
If anything he’d agree with everything the person was saying about you while adding onto it, making the person feel as though their attempts at flirting with you were useless, especially when the cherry haired knight beside you was casually waxing poetry on your ethereal beauty.
‘Indeed they are a beauty to behold indeed.’ He’d say as he knelt before you and held your hands in his all the while making sure his eyes remained glued on you as he spoke. ‘I’d kneel before their alter for the rest of eternity if it meant achieving the impossible and catching their gaze, they truly are my reason for breathing, the reason I see beauty whenever I travel, as they are the true beauty I have been seeking for my whole life.’ He finishes by kissing the back of your hands softly, his thumbs caressing the skin there as though they were porcelain.
The person who was flirting with you left not long after because how could they compare with that?!
All they said was that you were cute and Argenti took that and made you come across as though you were a deity lost to time, finally having been found after so long.
They knew they couldn’t win and left for easier people to pull their mediocre pick up lines on.
Argenti is your Gomez, you are his Morticia. There was no one getting between you two because the love you had was stronger than most.
Jealousy doesn’t exist when you actually trust someone whom you claim is half of your own soul.
Jing yuan
He finds the face they make upon realising who’s s/o they’ve been flirting with particularly funny to be even remotely jealous.
Not to say that he doesn’t get jealous, he does but it’s not nearly as evident. He’s self assured in his relationship with you that he didn’t even think of the person flirting with you as a threat even in the slightest.
‘I’m sorry to interrupt your riveting conversation but I’d like my partner back now.’ He’d say as he stood behind the person flirting with you.
‘Look buddy I found them,’ the person looked behind them, and upon realising who was behind them, the words of annoyance were quickly discarded as they could only stare at a smiling Jing Yuan, ‘first…’
Jing yuan raised his brows as the Cheshire smile on his lips only grew at the evident regret across their face. ‘Hmmm? Cat got your tongue? You seem a bit pale, maybe you should go sit down and rest.’ He suggested and watched in amusement as the person didn’t fight back, but instead wordlessly followed his instruction and walked away for you both to go somewhere else.
‘You’re having too much fun with this.’ You’d tell Jing Yuan as he placed a hand on the small of your back and guided you out of the establishment.
‘What can I say, their expressions may be the same every time but that doesn’t stop them from being more humorous than the last.’ He replies with a chuckle as he presses a tender kiss to your forehead. ‘However I cannot blame them for finding you as appealing as I do if they’re so desperate as to flirt for your attention.’ He adds and you huff and crossed your arms. ‘As if you were any different.’
Jing yuan raised his brows, silently telling you to continue.
‘When you wanted my attention, you would sit next to me and rest your head on my shoulder before falling asleep.’ You added and Jing yuan chuckles. ‘I didn’t-‘
‘All. The. Time.’ You cut him off, emphasising each word that left your mouth. ‘Yangqing told me that you only did that to me, no one else got that special treatment from the all mighty general.’ You smirked at Jing Yuan who muttered a soft ‘Yangqing.’ under his breath as you held onto his side. ‘It doesn’t matter now because I thought it was extremely cute.’ You reassured him with a kiss to the cheek as you both walked home, tucked closely against one another, the events that happened prior having completely been forgotten as you reminisced the past.
#honkai star rail x reader#hsr imagines#hsr imagine#hsr x reader#honkai star rail#Honkai star rail imagine#Honkai star rail imagines#hsr boothill x reader#hsr jing yuan x reader#hsr argenti x reader#jing yuan x reader#jing yuan imagine#jjng yuan imagines#argenti x reader#Argenti imagine#Argenti imagines#boothill x reader#boothill imagine#boothill imagines
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Dick knocks on the door, like a normal human being. Nobody answers. Welp, he tried.
He puts the bag of takeout down and breaks out the lockpicks, instead of going all the way around to the window.
It's a rare wonderful day. And what would make it better than meeting his lovely family. Jason's in Bludhaven, an occasion rarer than good weather in this city, working on a case he swears he doesn't need help with. Which is —true, all of his siblings are incredibly smart. But need doesn't mean he might not want it. And as much as Dick hates to admit it, Jason's not very good at asking for company, and it hurts his heart, but lucky for him, he can speak for the both of them.
And it has been an entire week since he last saw him, he's just concerned. The second lock gives away. Jason's usually at the door at this point. Maybe the kid's sleeping. He feels a twinge of disappointment, he'd just leave the takeout in the fridge for Jaybird to find. And maybe a cute Post-it note. Hmm. The third lock gives away.
"....Dear LittleWing,
I dropped by with some Sheer Quorma from that one place you like, Bibi added extra nuts when I told her kay meray chotay jigar kay turkray kay liye hai. She was really sweet, maybe we can go there again....."
The fourth, and final lock clicks.
".....Love you so, so much little brother, can't wait to see you once you're hopefully well rested!......"
He steps into the apartment,
"..... Xoxo BigWing....."
And barely misses the Bichwa thrown at his face. His LittleWing is such an excellent marksman.
"The fuck are ya' doin' 'ere", Jason spits hoarsely, sounding as if he hasn't spoken properly in days.
He looks terrible—for the lack of a better word. Utterly disheveled, maps, markers, and charts strewn all around him. His clothes look like they've been slept in, which is impossible since Jason doesn't look like he's slept in days.
"I brought take-out"
Jason grunts, placated and picks up another Bichwa and resumes his pacing, muttering under his breath.
Dick sighs. Jason has started soliloquizing, this is bad bad.
He inches carefully towards the refrigerator. And manages to stash the Sheer Quorma in it without much fanfare. And then braces himself for the ultimate task. Getting Jason to bed.
"Alright, come here you-", Dick sneaks up to his little brother and grabs from around his waist, while his brother thrashes around, "Geroff Dickface, let go of me-"
Dick just tightens his hold, dragging him over to the bed, his brother's trying to dig his feet into the linoleum trying to gain traction and failing. He grins while his brother spits and hisses, "Lemme - go, you-fucking-asshole", there's no actual alarm in his tone so Dick doesn't, LittleWing is like an unruly cat, his brain supplies delightfully, and he can't help but grin as his brother spits obscenities at his face.
Jason finally manages to wriggle a bit out of his grip, so Dick's holding him from under his armpits, and then bites his hand, full jaw-strength, and Dick can't help but laugh over the groan of pain. Hissy, feral cat.
"Nice try, but you're-" he finally falls to the bed, Jason's still biting on to his hand, but more gentler now, a warning "- not getting out this easily"
The bed's deliciously soft, and it works in his favor, Jason's movements falter, and he removes an arm to get a better grip, and Jason shoots out to escape the hold, if it wasn't for the subtlest snag in his movement, Dick wouldn't have known he had been up for the last God-knows-how-many hours- He grabs him before he can escape. Holding him into place and throwing his leg around him for added measure, so he can use one of his hands for a very important task- the ultimate weapon- he slips his hand into his unruly mop of hair and starts scratching at his nape.
Jason melts into the touch, muscles relaxing, slumping into the hold, any semblance of struggle given up. He can't keep the grin that splits his face. He pulls him even closer, tucking his head under his chin and positioning his arm to maximize the finger-to-head ratio, Jason gives up the fight completely, turning into jello in his arms.
"Fuck you", he groans defeated, into his sternum, but there's no heat in his words.
"Love you, too, Little Wing", he murmurs to the matted mess of hair.
Once assured that there aren't going to be any more escape attempts, he shifts to pull the covers over him. Jason seems to misinterpret his intention because he makes a disgruntled sound, and throws a heavy arm over him just as he's formed a grip on the comforter, pinning him back into place.
"Asshole"
Dick just chuckles, as tucks the comforter around him, "Sorry"
He buries into the softness, making sure they're both comfortable. He feels Jason huff, and he knows what's coming, "-You can't just barge into my safehouses-", and he has the perfect solution to it, he slips an arm around him and starts scratching his nape, "-and expect me to-to", Jason trails off, and he takes the moment to cradle his head and tuck it under his chin. He really is like a feral, over-sized, touch-starved cat.
"I'm going to kill you-I'm going to-" he breaks off into a yawn, "-Tomorrow -I'm going to kill you tomorrow-"
"Yeah Jay, that sounds like a good idea"
Jason hums, pleased with the affirmation, and doesn't take more than a few minutes for his breathing to even out. The kid must've been so exhausted.
He presses a kiss to his brother's locks and whispers, " Sweet dreams, Jay"
And then a quieter, "I love you"
Near his heart, barely audible, Jason whispers, "I love you too"
/|\ ^._.^ /|\
"..kay meray chotay jigar kay turkray kay liye hai" ( Urdu for "..That it's for a part of me", well, the literal translation is "A part of my liver" which is an affectionate way of saying " a part of me" / "very important to me" in Urdu )
My headcanon is that Jason's well-versed in Urdu/ Hindi from his time at Nanda Parbat, and Dick " Learning your language is my love language" Grayson would have the entirety of Ghalib's anthology memorized a week after Jason's return ( Jason doesn't hurt Tim because I refuse to let Talia Al' Ghul be a villain)
#more dick and jason cuddling!#jason todd#batman#dc#red hood#dick grayson#batfam#nightwing#batfamily#tim drake#damian wayne al ghul#stephanie brown#cassandra wayne#duke thomas
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Just a piece of mind during midnight.
Warning for the great wave manga chapter 3 spoilers
Imagine if Amalia died not because of the great wave incident (oh boi yes she survive that) but because of the labour of giving birth?
I mean— well…. Idk. Knowing from that s1 credit-epilogue clip, Sadida babies normally pops out from the soil but we never really get to know how Sadida people actually reproduce. However, seeing that cross-race/class actually works (points at TristEva, and Aurora, if she doesn’t lie).
If whatever Aurora saying about her pregnancy was true, (and the entire Yumalia smut scene from chapter 1), it implies that Sadida people have 2 ways of reproduce(????), one is by planting whatever baby Sadida and gets them out of the soil when they are ready (which is the default way of Sadida people reproduction), or two, have some sex, the wife got pregnant, and there you go, a baby! Like how usual homo sapiens and other creature would normally reproduce! Usually this route is done if they are a mix-race couple.
However, since the sex and pregnancy route is like… the second option, i do have a thought that Sadida people is not really built for that route. It’s not impossible, just a bit harder to achieve.
So instead of died because of drowning, maybe, if Yugo and Amalia are compatible to have a child (oh, c’mon… you can make a story of how animal based tribe having a child with a plant!), maybe it’s because of that….
#wakfu#wakfu yugo#wakfu amalia#yumalia#wakfu the great wave#waven#Zah it’s 1.35 am pls go to sleep#if this is how waven ended up… i would like to pay to give Yugo and his child a hug pls#wakfu manga chapter 3 had me thinking#Yeah i should sleep now i have exam in few hours
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Facts about James Madison Vol. 1
(Because I’m bored and everyone should be enlightened with some James Madison)
James Madison walked with a small spring in his step, considerably to make himself appear slightly taller than he was
Because of the soggy and mushy climates surrounding William and Mary College in Williamsburg, James Madison instead went to the College of New Jersey (Princeton) for his health
James Madison, along with Thomas Jefferson and James Monroe, created the Republican Party (also known as the Democratic Republican Party or Jeffersonian Republican Party) in 1792
James Madison’s wife Dolley Payne was gifted a pet parrot named Polly— who was notorious for being aggressive towards humans (thus biting Madison’s finger in front of guests during one occasion)
James Madison personally knew Aaron Burr and Philip Freneau ever since they were all in college
James Madison and Alexander Hamilton, reported by a girl walking down the street, could once be seen playing with a neighbor’s pet monkey
James Madison had a long-lasting five decade friendship with Thomas Jefferson
James Madison would eventually have a fall-out with not only Alexander Hamilton, but also George Washington over the belief of federal government and a national bank by the early 1790’s
While Thomas Jefferson in France, he and James Madison would enjoy measuring animals, comparing them to their counterparts (North American animals compared to their similar species in Europe), and telling each other of their findings
James Madison, while he was in college, would last on a five-hour sleep schedule due to studying until he collapsed from a breakdown (this made him stay at the college for an extra year to restore his weakened health)
James Madison had never been good with marital relationships (being allegedly rejected by Freneau’s sister Mary and dumped by Kitty Floyd in the 1780s), but eventually married the 26 year-old widow Dolley Payne in 1794
James Madison was a MASSIVE fan of ice cream, along with his wife Dolley, whose favorite flavor was oyster
#founding fathers#colonial america#history#james madison#alexander hamilton#thomas jefferson#george washington#philip freneau#dolley madison#unfortunately the mary freneau situation is only rumored and doesn’t have any documents or real evidence#so it’s impossible to know if it was actually true#but oh well#gotta love paragraph facts woohoo
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Name: Hope (Elpis)
Age: ???
Species: Spirit/personification of false hope
And so it was Hope that saved humanity from the evil and miseries that were unleashed from the depths of Pandora's box...or so some would believe. So Hope themself wants to believe. In actuality, the story is a bit more complicated than that. After all, Hope emerged from Pandora's box just the same as the others. There's a good reason that other stories suggest Hope is just an extension of suffering.
An extension of Moros, who wants to reclaim them. To make them realize that the "hope" they give is just as vicious as the things that he, himself, could inflict.
But they will never accept that. Not truly.
They tell themself that the hope they spread amongst the people is good. That it's better for them that way, to deny and ignore their destinies until it's finally claimed them. Everyone deserves comfort. Deserves to believe that everything is okay-- that they are okay.
Even if it's only a beautifully woven falsity.
#[Hope -headcanons-]#*waves hands* A new baby!#to go along with Nova's new baby!#I feel like they're a compulsive liar honestly#at least when it comes to the things that they'd say to give people 'hope'#They also do get a kick out of giving people this hope and then either taking that hope away themself...or seeing it be taken away#They can probably also feed off of that sort of thing I'm thinking#but they would never admit to either of those things of course because that's not good! And they're good!#Moros is trying to make them worse in a horrible no good very bad way and Hope is...I suppose trying to make Moros a little better but idk#they probably know that's impossible#but at the same time they convince themself of things that aren't quite true all the time so maybe that's actually a thing that they believ#Aside from that though they just want to prove him wrong#they like being the hero what do you mean they're causing people suffering? nuh-uh!!
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The theory that it's Future!Emmet who's possessing emmet means that Future!Emmet got so off rails that he no longer ACTS like himself : he lost himself completely, not even his own brother recognize him. He can pretend, he can act, but there's always something in his manerisms that just isnt right, something he lost that he can never perfect, that Ingo will always notice
haha this is emotionally devastating :)
#can you believe if this was actually true like your brother is missing for years wrecking you emotionally and mentally as you try to#find him not knowing that it’s impossible to do so and so you just spend your time chasing dead end leads and trying to keep yourself sane#and the finally you actually do find him but he’s dead he’s dead he’s been dead for years#so you decide to fight fate and grab it by the neck and go back in time to prevent this from ever happening and it works! you find him!!!#but you can’t#even enjoy it because you’re not HIS brother just as he is not yours#but you’re still desperate to pretend that he is bc the thought of being alone again is terrifying#emmet has always had ingo so when he actually loses him a part of himself was lost with him#a two car train decoupled#his brothers dissaperance changed him so much at a fundamental level#he’s become so twisted that his ‘joking’ with ingo and him actually causing his brother pain is something amusing to him#like a sibling trying to make the other upset for laughs#it’s funny isn’t it brother!#he can’t see that this is killing ingo hurting him deeply bc he’s so fucking deranged#I love it#possession au#ask#angst
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what i love about this site is how, limited though it may be, it's the only place on the internet i can find fan content about my favourite 1985-one-woman-show-stageplay-turned-1991-film, dyke comic strip that ran from 1983 to 2008, and obscure web series based on a webcomic. i crave community when i like something so badly and this is the only site where i can find it for things that are obscure by their nature or the nature of time
#dykes to watch out for#the search for signs of intelligent life in the universe#jane wagner#alison bechdel#subnormality#people watching#like none of them are Quite So Obscure every self-respecting dyke knows about dykes to watch out for but it just doesn't have an active#fandom yk as is true for the search for signs of intelligent life. none of them are actually quite so obscure but they're obscure enough#that finding community in real life is impossible and online is still a struggle#i'm just not the type of person that likes to enjoy things alone
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study smart not hard (altough both is best actually) this saying is so true
#my advice#but this saying is sooo true#i know some people at uni who study for exam so long and hard but then fail or just barely make it :(#like what are you doing? i don't mean this in a mean way but it doesn't have to be this difficult#i don't understand how some people can study for an exam for 2 weeks or even a month and still fail and i don't think they're stupid#or i don't see myself as particulary smart#but i guess they just waste their time a lot and i realized studying effective is so important#now everyone is a bit different and has to find what works best for them but there are certain techniques which are proven to work well#there is so much information on the internet on this look it up seriously#it made my life sm easier i never struggled in uni like i did in school and i get good grades#and if i ever struggled a bit it was because i started so late it was almost impossible to pass 😂#which is why to do both is still best 😂#but i actually always made it and i never failed an exam at uni (which i studied for)#(two i was fooled into to just try without studying bc it's easy lol)#i mean i shouldn't speak too soon but i already made it through some of the most difficult of my studies#ofc it depends on what you study how well this works but i'm speaking for myself#i once passed an exam with a B studying only 2 days as one of the best students while others studied 2 weeks#and got worse grades or failed#still studying only 2 days is stupidity don't do it 😅#so the techniques i find very helpful are ofc exam questions probably the best one#if there are none make your own#then blurting for which there are different ways but i like to just go over a topic and then write down everything i remember#then fill the gaps#quizlet is also great it's an app which allows you to create cards and then tests you in creative ways#videos can be helpful as well for summaries and using summaries in general is normally enough it saves you sm time#normally you don't actually need to know everything but you should be careful it's not a bad summary leaving out too much 😅#and i also like mindmaps bc i'm a very visual person#but all those tipps are mostly for remembering information so it doesn't work so well for other fields of study#well i hope this is somewhat helpful idk 🙈#oh and reading texts over and over again is the most useless in my opinion i don't remember much at all and it takes sm time
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| reeling over whether or not wielding a True Ice weapon changes Iceborn's hair and eyes every time or not.
#❚ ooc#impossible. perhaps the archives are incomplete.... actually theyre more than incomplete#even if it isnt so there no indication to what causes it or not. why it only happens to some ppl and not others#then theres trundle whose hair stays red. nunu technically wields something of true ice - svellsongur - and his brown hair stays#braums wielding the ram door which is true ice - but his moustache is brown#ashe's aunt helnr in the comic wields a true ice weapon and her hair and eyes are brown... so!#id go with the idea that its the amount of true ice a weapon has/its power but not even THAT makes sense#the gif of a cat holding its head is me rn#if anyone knows of a source that might answer this lmk! cause i havent found anything in my searching yet
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I find it kind of interesting that we have a couple of delusions (and the hallucinations that come with those) that just kind of involve gruesome stuff happening to us, especially because they weren't as gruesome at first but have gotten more so over time.
the hallucinations are all somatic ones (sensations instead of visuals or audio) but they're stuff like I guess what our brain thinks it would feel like if our organs were decomposing, or being eaten by maggots, or just stuff with a similar vibe to that?
I can put up with it for the most part, but like I did nearly throw up on the bed because of it earlier and I'd really like to not experience that again
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#emetophobia tw#vent post#<- I guess? I mean it kinda sucks but I'm not that upset about it right now#anyway this is partly from the Cotard's delusion and partly because we also get delusions involving being parasitised#I think they're kind of linked together for us. like there's a similar vibe to them somehow#anyway the Cotard's delusion is like... it flares up every so often and gets really intense#but otherwise it's mostly just there in the background as like ''yeah that's a thing we experience'' but not affecting us that much#it's hard to explain how we usually feel about it when it's not flaring up really intensely#but at the moment it is flaring up so it's like... okay I guess this is what we're doing for the foreseeable future#idk we might just wake up later and be like ''oh never mind'' or it might flare up for a few weeks or whatever#also talking about this is wild because like I've definitely mentioned us having it but I'm still aware that everything says it's super rar#even though we've met multiple other people who have it and we had it for years without knowing it had a name or anything#but I'm still paranoid about getting fakeclaimed because people like to be like ''that's so rare. there's no way you can have that''#like idk what to tell you buddy my brain is convinced that I'm dead and that my organs are decomposing. I'm not happy about it either#being able to double-bookkeep and know we're experiencing a delusion also makes it weirder#because it's like yeah I know it sounds ridiculous and is technically impossible but my brain has decided that none of that matters#and me being like ''well that can't be true'' feels like being in denial so even though I know it's a delusion#a lot of the time it's easier to just lean into it and go ''okay sure I guess I'm dead. who gives a shit''#anyway let's see how I end up feeling after talking about this because either I'll post it and be like ''yeah this is fine''#or I'll get paranoid about being fakeclaimed or people being like ''what the actual fuck'' and end up deleting it
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TVAU Outfit, coming someday (Patreon)
#Doodles#Just Desserts#Villainsona#True Villainy AU#I still have Zero ideas that I haven't already touched on and rejected lol#I know what I'm Not looking for but a design that I'm happy with all the way around eludes me#It can't look too Queenly and it can't have too much of Charm's original colours or shapes#But it also can't Just look like Kaiein either!#The whole point is that he's influencing her from the shadows - he doesn't want his fingerprints to overshadow hers#Mostly for plausible deniability but it's also an ego thing for him#A kind of ''Look what I've made'' without it just Being Him Again#The real problem is that his ego is in conflict with itself he always wants the impossibly high expectation met#He both wants it to be her and not him as well as having an obvious influence but not So noticeable fdlsafjdf#He's infuriating#But that is by design :/ Damn it lol#The middle two could probably be from S2Classic! No AU needed! Wowie!#Expectation and High Standards and Living Up To Your Potential are some of his big themes - external validation thaaaaanks#Charm is under no obligation to live up to standards or expectations set by someone who's not actually interested in her happiness#''Potential'' pff just because you Can doesn't mean you Should - that's kind of her whole villainy deal lol#But that's why he's a great reinforcement-lesson for S2#Archive - Uploaded June 22nd 2023#There have been a few developments since then :3c#The biggest blockades to fully publishing this was the last two panels of the minicomic lol - they were in limbo for like a month#Finally finished! A sort of sequel to the set of them trying to come up with an outfit and him shouting her down#He deserves to get things thrown at him
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Try though I may not to get invested in people who are Perfect Strangers to me just because they have an affable online persona, I do find myself very endeared to Brandon Sanderson. I have read none of his books, but I think his YouTube videos are very enjoyable and I am much relieved that he has both vocally affirmed his support of LGBTQ+ people in general, and trans people specifically, and has apologised (in a way that seems very sincere and earnest to me) for clumsy and unintentionally homophobic things he has said in the past. Which is, like, more than can be said of some fantasy authors.
#I knew vaguely that he was a member of the church of lds and was like... wary#but he seems to be taking the position that if mormonism is going to get less hostile to lgbtq+ people#that can only be accomplished by sincerely devout lgbtq+ allies staying in the church and making it a more inclusive and welcoming place#which I like... feel is misguided#but also I was not raised mormon and do not have a mormon spouse and family and I am not a sincere believer in the mormon faith#so it is very easy for me to say 'just don't be a mormon anymore'#he also says some stuff I feel is reeeally misguided about how it's good actually that dead people can be baptized mormon#and that mother theresa was good#and communism is bad#but like... I think he is a sincere and kind person who is trying his best#and I appreciate the honesty of him saying 'I believe these things and I won't pretend I don't'#I like when people don't humour me and really do try to be my ally instead of just repeating the party line so I don't think they're Bad#and given that his views on the queer community have evolved#I don't think it's impossible that he could realize a few years down the line that it is not okay to baptize the dead into your religion#but also as I said up top: brandon sanderson is a complete stranger to me and I should not devote this much time and mental energy#to trying to better understand his true character‚ values and beliefs#because that is not relevant to me or something I can ever know#@me just enjoy him being enthusiastic about writing fantasy novels on youtube in an unreflective and uncomplicated way‚ you big weirdo
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Something that is missing in a lot of the Trans Disc Horse around trans men and transmasculine people and the specific (but also not unique!) problems many face from society is this... particular terror many people have (yes, cis and trans) around people who look masculine but act feminine, particularly in that grey area of appearance where they don't look quite like a cis woman and don't look quite like a cis man and so must be up to something, because why else would you carry out that kind of deception rather than just be one or the other? The gender that we "are" and the gender that we're "pretending to be" vary wildly with the observer; the only constant is that discomfort and suspicion.
The people who've been overtly transphobic to me haven't done so on the basis that I'm a woman pretending to be a man -- their complaint was that I was too much of a man to be a woman. That I was a threat to them because of covert (not overt!) masculinity. These were not situations of "oh, assumed to be TMA until revealed to be TME and then the cis people apologized and fell all over themselves to retract their bigotry and suspicion" (which... never happens anyway? tf). I'm tall and big, but I don't bind, I'm not on HRT, I have prominent breasts, my voice is high, it is very obvious that I'm not a cisgender man, and yet their complaints were the same. "I don't want HER, SHE's a MAN!" (Actual quote.) These people don't give a shit that I have breasts and a uterus and a vagina and more estrogen than testosterone, they already know that I do; the imagined predatory penis in my pants is real and dangerous in their minds as an actual physical one.
I personally have sympathy for these people. Almost everyone I've had this reaction from have been cisgender women and girls who've had deeply traumatic experiences at the hands of men and see in me that which hurt them, only worse, because I don't fit clearly into the box of "man" or "woman". I recognize that this is not about me as a person, but rather a consequence of the pain and conditioning that came before me. It doesn't make it okay to take these things out on me, but even though it hurts, I choose not to take offense. Cisgender men, by and large, have neither cared nor paid attention to the subtle signals of my gendered appearance and presentation -- they tend to take me at face value, and I've gotten bro'd, brother'd, sir'd, and man'd far more often by men. (Which I recognize is NOT the experience of many transfeminine people, especially those who date men.)
I genuinely don't know how to characterize this kind of suspicion and aggression as anything other than a specific kind of transmisogyny -- not exactly as transfeminine people experience it, but close enough that it provides categorization for these experiences better than any other schema of societal oppression that we've come up with. It's not misogyny, it's not homophobia, it's not transmisandry, it's not exactly femmephobia, it is very specifically the prejudice against behaving like a woman but appearing like a man and the assumption that I must have some nefarious purpose for doing so. And there is not an inconsiderable extent to which my choice to currently not pursue HRT or present myself as a man rather than a "theyfab" is because I'm a pediatric nurse and I work with children in very physically and emotionally vulnerable situations and I'm afraid of getting more of these reactions than I already do. Do I get as many as one of my trans woman friends, who also works with children? No. But I've gotten more as I present more and more masculine, I'm sure that it would only increase as I progress further down the path of masculinization, and I suspect that my anxieties around further transition are not that far off from some of my transfem siblings and sisters in a similar position, even though according to prevailing trans theories our experiences should be exact opposites.
#also the fact that a LOT of trans men and transmasc people (regardless of actual orientation) are read as effeminate queer men#having known a lot of transmasc people... yeah. there IS a clocky aspect to many transmascs that's specifically behavioral#in a way that I think reflects many trans social circle's attitudes towards the evils of masculinity rather than some 'TME privilege'#(because it's not like effeminate queer men receive preferential treatment in society over conventionally masc 'straight' men!)#many transmasc people I've met tend to be more emotionally verbally and physically expressive than their cisgender counterparts#in a way that reads GAAAAAYYYYYYYY to said counterparts#because men in my society are expected to be emotionally and physically closed off and the range of accepted emotional expression is narrow#and I think a lot of transmasc people look at that and go 'ugh. that seems miserable.'#but the transfem people I know are also generally emotional effusive and expressive in a way that society reads as effeminate#so like... again. women are from venus and men are from mars is no more true of trans people than it is of cis people#society presents a binary but many people's experiences fall in logically impossible places on either side of that line#trans#gender#lgbtq+#faffing about with my thoughts#trans in healthcare
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sorry ive been missing. baldurs gate 3 has consumed my literal every waking moment. more guilty gear once i finished exploring everything that game has to offer
#warlock text#baldur's gate 3 is like a dream come true for me. dnd is like... one of my biggest special interests but i havent been able to play for-#-over a year now. so having a single player dnd video game thats so similar to that actual ttrpg? wonderful. 10/10#tbh my expectations were kind of low going into it since turning dnd into a video game seemed almost impossible#but by god they did it. i dont know how they managed to pull it off a make a game with that much content but they did#anyways i recommend it. its incredibly fun and addicting
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they should provide financial compensation for ppl who are sensitive to an unbelievable degree.
#being sensitive's actually immensely inconvenient + makes me feel incompetent. literally someone raises their voice at me i start tearing up#had a mini-discussion with my dad abt palestine and i was shaking all over the entire time it's so bad...........#not gonna go into detail bc he busts out the most islamophobic racist things and i don't want to say all that on here but we talked a littl#abt palestine and then a lot abt hamas bc that's at the forefront of every discussion now and uhm. well let's just say he is someone that#thinks reverse racism is real and also interrupts you all the time when he's having a conversation so u know how that went....i wish i'd#made the point i was trying to make come across clearer but he's so rooted in his own beliefs that's like a near impossible feat anyway no#matter how good u are at talking.#r.txt#also i woke up with a nosebleed today (had a nosebleed yesterday AND five days ago) and a pounding pressuring headache so that's gotten me#a little very concerned i'm not gonna lie...............like the headache has been persistent for the past two weeks and kind of feels like#something is pressing on my brain from the inside..#i wanna look up what might be causing it but i also don't want to because i always start imagining that the worst things they're suggesting#on there are the ones that are true......
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reading posts about people noticing things that you do being its own form of love, and then thinking that the thought of being perceived at all is actually terrifying to me because i cannot imagine a situation where that wouldn't be a criticism of my person. and the realization that this is not supposed to be the case is wild to me lmao.
#for context: i just saw a post that was about someone singing again while cooking after a period of depression#and their roommate being glad that there's singing once again and the place isn't silent anymore. and how this is a sign of people caring.#people enjoying your presence.#but i would feel HORRIFIED if someone told that to me.#because it is impossible for me to think that isn't a negative comment.#not necessarily because i think the other person would be mean-spirited. but because i genuinely don't see a lot of good in myself.#and i cannot possibly believe anyone would think things about me in a positive light because negatives are all that there is to think about#it's just a fact of life that i am annoying or whatever. none of us should make a big deal out of it. just leave me alone please.#this is also why i don't really take compliments. i am Averse to people who keep complimenting me.#i've been flirted on by excessive compliments and i'm like lmao you're only distancing yourself from your goal further and further#but like. i am learning that while this is such an ingrained part of my being since i was a child#maybe it's not normal to feel this way Actually.#you know i keep saying my sister has done irreparable damage to my psyche but the more i think about it the more true it becomes lmao#not that she's at fault alone. but like. she's probably the biggest offender.#anyway. there's a lot of things fundamental to my person that i'm starting to question only recently#and i don't know if there's any fixing other than like. forcibly removing all of the parts that i don't like.#because i don't think there's any convincing for me. i am pretty stubborn after all.#so we'll see how this develops. bleh.
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