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#so if there's any typos
inkskinned · 10 months
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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daisynik7 · 7 months
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Nanami is super into fucking you with his watch on. 
He’ll strip himself completely nude except for his wrist, his fingers massaging your puffy clit until you’re whining against him, already on the brink of an orgasm just from that. He checks the minute hand on his watch, taking a mental note on when you first climax. It’s a fun little challenge he sets for himself: how many times can he make you come within fifteen minutes? Half an hour? A full hour? Sometimes, he takes guesses, and most of the time, he’s right. And when he's wrong, it’s because he makes you come more than he expects you to. Tonight is one of those times. 
He's relentless with his fingers, stroking your pussy up and down, in and out, coated in your arousal. He loves playing with your swollen bud, flicking it until you’re squirming from overstimulation. The slick that gushes out of you is so pretty, all shiny and glossy for him. So inviting for a taste. But no; he’ll resist until he can make you come once more from his fingers. Get you completely soaked so it’s juicy for his mouth. He knows just how much you love coming with his soft lips puckered around your clit, his tongue lapping at your greedy cunt, gaping and desperate to be filled with his cock. By the time thirty minutes pass, you’ve come twice from his fingers, and thrice from his mouth, eating you out sloppily until your limbs feel shaky, body spent but still so needy for him. 
When he finally puts his dick inside you, he uses his watch for another purpose: to edge you so that you can fucking squirt all over him. He pounds into your tight pussy from behind, slamming his hips against your ass, marveling at the way it jiggles with each thrust. You’re moaning from the pleasure, completely fucked out. You want to come again so badly, but he won’t let you. “Not yet,” he growls, turning his wrist to inspect the time. “Be a good girl for ten more minutes, okay? Hold it for me sweetheart. I know you can do it.”
And of course you will, because he’s so encouraging, so sweet, so fucking big inside you, filling you to the brim. When the ten minutes is almost up, he reaches around you, toying with your sensitive clit. You whine, twitching from the sensation, head buried into the pillow, damp with sweat and drool. He leans over you, breath hot on your ear, whispering, “That’s it, honey. Let it all out for me. Make a fucking mess.” 
So you do, spraying him in your juices, spilling onto the sheets below you. He absolutely loves it, seeing you so filthy like this. It’s just what he needs to reach his own orgasm, the one he’s been building up since an hour ago, continuously on the brink ever since your first climax. He comes inside you, stuffing you full of his creamy load only to watch it dribble out slowly as soon as he pulls out. 
His watch is soaked in your essence, but that’s alright. In fact, it’s exactly what he wanted. 
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starrystevie · 15 days
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“i must have been real sweet on you,” eddie murmurs as he runs his fingers over his husband’s cheek, sleepy and sated, warm in their bed. 
steve chuckles, twisting his head to catch the tips of eddie’s fingers with a kiss. “why are you talking past tense? you’re not sweet on me now?”
the room is peacefully still. years of baby monitors are long gone only to inevitably give way to their daughter’s teenage years of slamming doors and too loud stereo speakers. but in this moment, with the pale moonlight streaming in through the windows and crickets chirping in the distance, the room is peaceful, thick with love. 
“quit your pouting, ‘course i’m sweet on you now.” eddie wipes away steve’s fake frown with a kiss, turning it into a sticky sweet grin. “it’s just something my mom used to tell me. that freckles are all the places your soulmate in a past life kissed you.”
eddie pushes steve back so he’s laying flat on the mattress and dips his head to press featherlight kisses on the side of his neck. across his shoulders. over his cheeks. his fingertips flutter over the spots afterwards, leaving goosebumps in their wake despite the heat radiating between them. 
“must have loved you a whole lot in our last lives to leave so many on you now,” eddie whispers, pulling back to stroke the back of his hand over steve’s face once more, letting his lips curl up in a dopey half smile that only steve ever gets to see. 
it doesn’t take long for steve to tilt his head up and press kisses of his own where he can; under eddie’s eye, the bottom of his chin, right over his heart. it doesn’t take long for eddie to giggle as his sensitive spots are found and attacked with ticklish kisses and fluttering eyelashes. it doesn’t take long for their legs to tangle together underneath the sheets and their breaths to get caught in their chests and their hearts to start beating a beautiful melody of their own making. 
steve lays a firm kiss to the side of eddie’s chest, over jagged white scarring and half bitten away tattoos. over memories that somehow don’t haunt them as much anymore. 
“what was that one for?” eddie asks, eyes half lidded, the adoration in his voice loud across the quiet room. 
another kiss on another scar. “wanna give you some freckles. for your next life and for this one, too. so you know just how sweet on you I am-” kiss, “ -and was-” kiss, “- and forever will be.”
they won’t know for however many more years if it worked or not. but here in this lifetime, they have all the time in the world to try their damndest to make sure it does. in this lifetime, they don’t have to worry, because they know they’ll  find each other in the next one. 
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nibbelraz · 1 year
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This is my favorite type of Moshang
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civetside · 7 months
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howdy tombies here's an astronaut AU i thought would be funny, we taking the space part of lesbian necromancers in space and we making that the main thing
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mxrisacoulter · 8 months
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Barbie (2023) // Supernatural (2005-2020) 8x05 - "Blood Brother"
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groovyfrog420 · 1 month
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"subtle hints"
part 1
part 2
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deboracabral · 10 months
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'Oh, yes?' said Otto, still advancing. 'You think I am a it? Vell, let me act like an it?'
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yaksha-lover · 3 months
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As Lovers Go
Malleus Draconia x Reader
Summary: It may not be as grand as royalty is used to, but you do your best to plan a special night for Malleus on his birthday.
something short i scrambled together for my best boy, happy birthday malleus 🫶🫶
“Admittedly, it took some help from Trey to convince Riddle, but I like to think I did most of the work,” you say, leading Malleus by hand into the garden. “Okay, you can open your eyes.”
He blinks a couple times, but adjusts quickly to the nighttime lighting, surveying the scene. You’re in the Heartslabyul gardens, surrounded by red rose bushes on all sides. You’ve stopped in a small, clear area of grass where you’ve prepared for the night, a checkered blue picnic blanket laid out.
“Surprise! I know it’s not exactly a party, but hopefully my company will be enough to satisfy you…”
“When you’ve had over a hundred birthdays, parties begin to become monotonous. I much prefer your quiet company, tonight.”
You smile at Malleus. Even when the night’s about him, he always finds a way to make you feel special. “I hope you like the spot I chose. I know it must be hard being away from Briar Valley and your grandmother during the school year, so I thought I’d try to bring a little bit of home to you with the roses.”
“Thank you, truly.” Malleus turns to gaze around the garden, suddenly catching your hand in his own, running his thumb over your knuckles. “I do hope I’ll have a chance to show you my garden at home. I promise, nothing compares to the sight. Except for you, perhaps.”
“You’re too much, sometimes,” you giggle.
“If I am, do you not believe it is you who inspires such feelings in me?” Malleus teases.
The two of you take a seat on the blanket, talking and staring up at the stars as the night continues. The moonlight shines down on Malleus, making his dark hair shimmer and his skin glow. He’s never looked so beautiful.
“So, are you ready to open your gift now?”
He gives you a look. “I believe I mentioned no present was necessary. I only wanted your company.”
“I know, I know, but I wanted to do something.”
“You’re far too gentle with me. I suppose I’ll have to indulge you then.”
You grin and pull a gift bag out of your tote, handing it over to him. He settles it in front of him, pulling purple tissue paper out of the bag until his gift is revealed.
Malleus pulls out a white knit hat. He shifts to turn it around in his hands, smoothing over the fabric until his fingers run into a hole, popping out the other side.
“Oh yeah, it has holes. Y’know, for your horns.”
He stares at you in wide-eyed silence for a few moments. You break eye contact when it finally begins to feel a bit awkward.
“I know it’s not much, sorry.” You look down at your feet. “It’s just, Crowley only gives Grim and I enough for groceries and essentials. And Lilia only told me your birthday was coming up a couple weeks ago, so I begged Azul to let me pick up some shifts at the lounge, and long story short, I really only earned enough to buy some yarn. It’s super nice though, I promise! I made sure to pick yarn that-”
You’re cut off when you’re suddenly pulled firmly into a strong chest, arms squeezing you tightly.
“I will treasure it as I have treasured nothing else. Thank you.”
You smile, despite the fact that you can’t breathe well in his intense grip. You pat on his arms gently so Malleus will loosen up a bit.
“I’m glad you like it.” When he pulls away, you turn toward the cooler you’d set out with all the treats you’d prepared for him. “Now, what would you like to try first? I got Trey’s help with preparing the frozen desserts, since I thought you might like to have a variety. Oh, maybe cake first? You haven’t made a wish yet and the clock is ticking!”
“If it pleases you, then I will try the cake.”
“Great, it’s ice cream cake.”
You take it out of the box, laying it in front of Malleus and removing the container’s lid.
“May I inquire as to why a piece is missing?”
“Well…you said you hate entire cakes, so I took out a piece. Now it’s not an entire cake. Hopefully you’re in the mood to share a bit more with me tonight? I find even the sweetest things are best enjoyed with company,” you wink at him.
“Are you sure you won’t become too spoiled with all these indulgences I allow you?” He picks up a fork and takes a bit of cake, but he doesn’t taste it as you expect.
“No, but feel free to keep trying,” you mumble through the mouthful of cake Malleus feeds you. “Wait, I have candles. You have to make your birthday wish before we have anymore.”
You set three candles in the centre of the cake. It would be ridiculous to have a hundred, as much as you wish to be accurate to his age. You light them with a lighter, insisting on singing ‘happy birthday’ to Malleus before finally allowing him to make his wish.
“Blowing out fire with my breath instead of creating it with my breath. How amusing, you’ll have to teach me even more of these human customs.”
“What did you wish for?”
He tilts his head. “Am I mistaken in believing humans have customs that suggest it’s bad luck to ask?”
“No, but I’m nosy, so tell me anyway.” You tug gently on his sleeve.
“I only wished for things to continue as they are.”
“That’s all? You don’t want anything new?”
“What do I have to wish for? Everything I’ve always wanted, the thing I used to wish for each year - is already in front of me.”
The two of you talk until the sun comes up, upon which Malleus carries your snoring form home to Ramshackle, a smile lingering on his face from the previous night.
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starlightvld · 2 months
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Up in Smoke
(Also on AO3)
The first time Ghost rips the cigarette from Soap's mouth, drops it on the ground, and stomps on it as he passes by, Soap is too stunned to say anything for a full ten seconds. They've only been working together consistently for a couple of missions, and even as his superior officer, the audacity of the action floors him.
By the time his brain restarts, Ghost is long gone.
--
The second time Ghost steals Soap's cigarette, he bursts out in a string of Scottish curses and tackles Ghost from behind before the wanker can drop it on the ground. An impromptu sparring match ensues, fists and curses flying. 
Afterward, he doesn't feel much like a cigarette anymore — not with the split lip, anyway. Besides, the buzzing under his skin that usually drives him to smoke is just... gone.
Price catches wind of the incident, of course, and calls them into his office a few hours later. By that time Soap has calmed down enough to be... maybe not okay with it, but at least able to see the humor. 
"What's this about you muppets scuffling by the smoking area?"
"Just a little sparring to blow off steam," Soap says.
"Ghost?"
"Nothin' to worry about, Captain."
"No? I've got one soldier who looks like he just got back from a bar fight, and the other..." He squints at Ghost. "He get a hit in on you, too?"
"Yeah," Ghost replies in that deadpan tone of his. "Coupla black eyes."
It's a joke. 
Ghost is telling a joke. And it's objectively not funny. It's not. But Soap bursts into hysterical laughter all the same. 
The corners of Ghost's blacked-out eyes crinkle. 
Price rubs his temples before dropping his hand on his desk. Soap presses his lips together to contain his laughter.
"Sparring happens in the gym. I'm sure you know the place. It's where we have things like mats and gloves. I catch you two bare-knuckle fighting again, and you will regret it."
And it's enough to sober Soap up. He avoids Ghost as he ducks away to catch dinner.
--
The third time... well, no. He supposes that's really the fourth time. 
Because the actual third time, Soap had come back from a shit mission where everything went wrong. Intel was faulty, exfil was delayed, and people under his command died. It didn't happen as often in SAS as it had in the regulars — the soldiers here were well-trained and hard to kill — but that made it all the worse. 
When Ghost tried to pluck the cigarette from his mouth, Soap growled. 
"Back the fuck up, Lt. Or Price is gonna be disappointed in both of us."
Ghost paused, and their eyes met. Slowly, Ghost lowered his hand. 
"Wanna talk about it?"
"Fuck no."
"Thank God."
Soap didn't have it in him to even huff a laugh. He took a long drag and blew the smoke away from Ghost as a peace offering.
To his surprise, Ghost didn't leave. He spun around and leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. They stood there together, utterly silent, as Soap let the heat and sting in his lungs soothe the beast inside that wanted to rip the world apart.
When he was done, though, he was surprised to find he didn't want another. Usually after shit missions, he'd stand there and smoke half a pack before his hands would stop shaking.
He finally met Ghost's eyes. The man quirked a barely visible brow.
"S'pose we should take it to the mats this time?"
Ghost pushed off the building and started walking. Soap followed like a lost child looking for a way home. 
--
The fourth time is in Chicago. His hands are shaking not from losing soldiers but from almost losing his own life. The cigarette trembles in his grip as he stands outside the bar, the biting wind turning his fingers and probably his lips blue. He lifts it to his mouth, inhaling deep—
And then it's gone.
The whine that bubbles up from his gut and bursts from his throat is nothing short of humiliating. But God. God. He needs it.
"Not now. Please, Ghost."
"Why?"
Ghost hasn't thrown the cigarette down. Yet. He cocks his head to the side and gives Soap a long look. Soap can only tremble from the cold and a need that goes deeper than a simple hit of nicotine.
"I just... I need it."
The cigarette drops to the ground, but Soap doesn't have time to lament the loss before that same hand is curling around Soap's neck and pulling him into a fucking massive chest. The other arm comes around Soap's shoulders and...
Ghost just stands there, holding him. And Soap can't help melting into the warmth and solidity of the man who saved his life just hours ago. He dares to curl in deeper. To raise his hands and clutch at Ghost's jacket. To let a few, silent tears escape his tight control.
Finally, his muscles relax. Ghost must feel it, because he turns and leads Soap back toward the bar.
"Why do ye even care?" Soap mumbles from his spot tucked into Ghost's side.
"Because those things'll kill ya."
Soap supposes the "I like you alive" is implied at this point.
--
Soap loses count after Chicago. He gets stretches of days when Ghost is on a solo op or out with one of the other operators when he can smoke in peace. So he does.
At first.
He's been hooked since he was a rebellious teen trying to make his mark on the world. He's tried to quit multiple times, but it never seems to stick. The first bad mission or adrenaline-filled near miss and he's back at whatever smoking spot he can find, puffing away.
He finds himself trying to cut back, though, even when Ghost is away.
Any time Ghost is on base, all bets are off. In addition to darting by and making a grab for it or sneaking up behind him and flicking it out of his hands, Ghost has gotten more creative. Sometimes Soap will pull out a cigarette only to find he's "lost" his lighter. Sometimes the cigarettes themselves go missing — he clutches his chest and mourns all that wasted money whenever a whole pack disappears. 
He supposes it's all just going up in smoke anyway, though.
He should be angry. But in truth, it's almost a relief to hand over the reins to Ghost. To let the man help him by annoying the shit out of him until he wants to give up on it entirely.
Which is definitely the point. Ghost has made that perfectly clear.
So, whenever he gets the urge to calm his racing thoughts or overactive mind with a cigarette, he finds Ghost and annoys him instead. They talk, or spar, or simply sit in silence together, doing their own thing. Ghost doesn't often touch him — their moment in Chicago is still the closest Soap's ever gotten to the elusive Ghost — but he also doesn't push Soap away when he slumps into Ghost's side after a hard day or leans over his back when he's sitting at the table in the 141's common area on base.
The urge doesn't go away, of course. And sometimes, when things get really bad, Ghost will just sit or stand with him like he did the third time. Still, he finds himself smoking less and hanging out with Ghost more.
--
The last time Ghost steals a cigarette from Soap, he simply stands beside Soap and holds out his hand. Soap immediately knows something has gone terribly wrong. Still, he's too invested in the game now to not hand the cigarette over.
He nearly keels over when Ghost pulls up his mask and takes a long, hard drag. Soap watches in fascination as his cheeks hollow, his neck muscles strain, his lips curve around the paper. It's erotic in a way he really shouldn't be thinking about in regards to his emotionally unavailable superior officer, but the knowledge hasn't stopped him yet. Since that day in Chicago — probably before if he's honest — he's only ever wanted to be closer.
Ghost coughs a little and hands the cigarette back.
"Fuck. Just as disgusting as I remember."
"Ye used to smoke, then?"
"Before I joined up, yeah. Hated it, though."
"The smell? Or—"
"Everything. The taste, the smell, the heat..." Ghost trails off, his hand rubbing over his bicep in a strangely specific way. He shakes his head and looks back at Soap. "Not your problem, Johnny. Forget about it."
Soap's hand is darting out, fingers curling into Ghost's jacket, before he's properly thought through the action. Ghost pauses before turning back. They stare in silence for a moment until—
Soap stubs out the half-burned cigarette and drops the butt in the trash. He licks his lips. Glances up at Ghost. The mask is still sitting on his nose, and Soap stares at his lips for longer than he should before pulling the pack out of his pocket and throwing it in the trash, too.
"Cannae have ye thinking I stink, can I?"
"Too late."
But Ghost's throat bobs with a hard swallow. Soap wets his lips, takes a step closer, and uncurls his fingers to slide his hand up Ghost's chest until his fingertips are resting on Ghost's shirt collar.
"I dinnae think it is."
Ghost turns and walks away. Soap closes his eyes and drops his hand, internally cursing his impulsive behavior. The scuffing of boots walking away from him is like nails on a chalk board.
Until they stop, and a gruff voice calls out, "You comin'?"
A slow smile slides across Soap's mouth. "No' yet."
A huff — exasperation? laughter? a bit of both? — before, "Better get movin' then."
And Soap has never been more glad to follow an order.
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steddieas-shegoes · 4 days
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cw: mentions of scarring, canon-typical violence, flashback (not graphic), minor body horror (again, not graphic, mostly just emotional feelings about scars)
♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️
Everyone gave him weird looks when they walked in, quickly schooling their features when they noticed he was awake and watching them.
He didn’t know exactly what that was about.
They had him on a lot of good drugs.
But eventually he got weaned off them, and he noticed the pull of bandages on his side, and his arm, and his neck, and his face.
He was still unable to get out of bed. Still couldn’t even reach his arms above his chest for more than a few seconds.
But he damn sure reached up to feel the cloth and plastic surrounding his cheek. How had he not noticed for days? How had no one bothered him about it?
Maybe they had and he just didn’t notice. The morphine was one hell of a drug.
Wayne was soft, patient with him. Saw him touching it, saw the way his eyes filled with tears. He’d never been particularly vain, hadn’t cared much about what he looked like to others, but this felt bigger than that. This felt like he was changed in a way that everyone could see.
Add it to the list of things people could bully him for.
He cried himself to sleep, Wayne’s hand in his, silently comforting in the way he’d always done.
When he woke up again the next morning, he was alone.
It was the first time he’d been alone since the boathouse.
He could swear he heard bats outside his door, screams coming from the attached bathroom, flashes of someone dying on the ceiling.
He felt the sharp sting of teeth puncturing his skin.
He felt hopelessness creep into his bones as he gave in.
Maybe this time they would finish the job.
“Eddie!”
Steve Harrington’s voice broke through the thoughts, panicked enough to bring Eddie back to his hospital bed within a second of hearing it.
“Shit, are you okay?” He continued, hand brushing against Eddie’s bandaged cheek.
Eddie nodded once, closed his eyes, leaned into the touch.
He could blame it on any number of things if Steve felt weird about it. The morphine, the flashback, the loneliness.
“You’re okay, Eddie. I promise. Won’t let anything happen to you,” Steve whispered.
Eddie believed him.
He fell back asleep with Steve’s hand gently cupping the mangled side of his face.
If Steve could still touch him there, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.
♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️
Steve came by every day, sometimes in the early morning, before visiting hours officially started, sometimes well after Wayne had left to get some sleep. He always smiled when he walked in, a genuine one, not the one everyone else gave that was so fully of pity and pain he couldn’t bear to make eye contact. He sat down on the side of the bed, not the chair like everyone else, not scared to be close.
And every single day, without fail, he would run his finger along the edge of Eddie’s bandage on his face, watching his own movements and cataloging any changes.
Eddie sat quietly, still, scared to put words to anything happening. Scared to tell Steve what it meant to him to have someone acknowledge his pain in this way. Scared to think Steve could mean anything by it.
It was easy to pretend Steve was doing this because he cared.
Maybe he did care.
But he didn’t care the way Eddie wanted him to, needed him to.
So he stayed quiet, still.
He watched.
He fell asleep while Steve talked about his day, the kids, what Joyce made Hopper do around the house.
He woke up alone most days, but that was okay, because Steve would be there eventually.
♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️
“You ready to get that thing off?” Wayne asked, gesturing to the bandage.
“Oh. Today?” Eddie suddenly didn’t want to ever be without the bandage. Removing it meant he’d see what was under it.
It meant seeing how much that place had ruined him.
The pull of the stitches hadn’t been as obvious with the pull of the bandage masking it.
But now it’s all he felt.
The nurse smiled at him as she put some antibiotic cream over the area, saying he would probably still have to keep it extra clean for the next week or so while the stitches did their job.
Wayne smiled at him in the way that meant he didn’t really want to smile at all, but knew Eddie needed him to.
Steve didn’t come.
Eddie didn’t sleep.
♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️
He woke up with panic in his chest and a silent scream in his throat.
He woke up with Steve’s hand on his face.
Gentle, soft, but a strong comfort.
“Promise I washed them first. They said we have to be careful about germs,” Steve said quietly.
“You don’t have to. I know it’s…it’s gross. It’s ugly. I’m ugly.”
Steve shook his head. “No. Not gross. Not ugly. Alive.”
“Steve-“
“You’re alive, Eddie. You could have your entire face held together by staples and you would still be a miracle. You’d still be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
Well, Steve’s charm wasn’t an exaggeration, was it?
He wasn’t even sure if the skin barely pulled together could blush anymore, or if the heat that should be on his cheek was burning on the outside the way it felt like it was on the inside.
“It’s gonna be awful when it heals. I saw it in the mirror.” Eddie could feel every stitch in his jaw, the few that spread across the corner of his mouth and bottom lip, the ones that were nearly up to his ear. “I’ll always have a crooked face. The scar will always be huge. It’s all anyone will see.”
“Then they aren’t looking.”
Eddie bit his lip, eyes searching Steve’s. “But you are.”
“No. I’m seeing. There’s a difference. I see you. I see what you’ve survived. I see the mark it left on you. I know it wasn’t just the scars that cover your skin.” Steve leaned his head down, touching Eddie’s forehead with his own. “We all have them. And we’re all still here. Your heart’s beating. That’s all that matters to me.”
“Who knew you were so good with words?” Eddie smiled sadly.
“Robin says I’m just good at not having a filter.”
“She’s right as always.” Eddie wrapped his fingers around Steve’s wrist, turning as slowly as he could to kiss his palm. “You’re not scared of it.”
“No. Are you?”
“I’m scared that you’ll change your mind when it’s always there as a reminder of what happened.”
Steve kissed his nose, making him smile for the first time in what felt like years.
“I’ll have the reminder that I got you out of there. That no matter what, the bats couldn’t finish the job. That you were stronger and you made it.” Steve let his hand drop, but quickly laced his fingers with Eddie’s. “I know it’s a lot to ask of you to trust me, but will you? For today?”
“Just today?”
“I’ll ask again tomorrow.”
“And what? Every day after that?”
Steve smirked.
His eyes were glistening with tears, but Eddie could tell it wasn’t sadness or fear.
“If that’s what I have to do.”
They hadn’t even talked about feelings, not really. Nothing that made any sense to Eddie, nothing that they could define. A part of Eddie was still convinced he was in a coma and dreaming this entire conversation up.
But even the nurse had noticed the way Steve watched him, how he touched him, how he fought for him. She said he’d been a firecracker from the moment he carried him into the hospital, dripping blood on the tile, staining the halls with his demands for help.
Wayne said he barely left his side the first day, only doing so when the doctors had told him they would call the cops if he didn’t.
Erica even noticed how things had changed between them, stating that she refused to watch her babysitter and the only DM she had respect for make out.
But Steve held Eddie, made him feel like he could get out of the hospital bed and live a life that wouldn’t keep him running. Steve was there.
Steve might even love him. If not now, then some day.
And Eddie could trust him today.
He could probably trust him tomorrow.
“Kiss me?” Eddie probably shouldn’t. The stitches tugged when he talked, and another mouth anywhere near his wounds was just asking for an infection.
But Steve would be careful. He knew what Eddie could handle.
It was barely a kiss. A graze of the lips at most.
But it was the best kiss Eddie had ever had.
At least until tomorrow.
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u3pxx · 3 months
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INLAND EMPIRE [Easy: Success] - Abort! You clearly have not thought this through. You won't like what you will see there -- and you will never *un-become* it.
watching an lp where they didn't continue to look in the mirror, so just brain-empty playing around with that idea
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daenerysies · 2 months
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i think the biggest problem i have with the whole team discourse in f&b + hotd is that it isn’t just about which characters you like more/who you want to sit on the throne at that end; it’s that each side is fighting for completely different ideologies, regardless of one members personal beliefs. grrm could not have made it anymore clear.
team black isn’t just fighting for rhaenyra to be queen, they’re fighting for the monarch’s right to choose an heir, for the oaths they swore years before, for the complete opposite of precedent/tradition: the king’s word is law. team green isn’t just fighting for aegon to be king, they’re fighting for tradition, that no matter the words of a king being law sons will always come before daughters, that oaths are fickle and don’t matter. each side is in some way fighting back against what’s already been established for the kingdom, but the end goal is completely different.
we’re not given as much insight into why most of the houses initially sided with rhaenyra, but we do have an inkling into how the green council felt and acted, however. jaehaerys choosing baelon over rhaenys (against andal tradition, the king can choose his heir) is one point. the great council of 101 is another. alicent, despite being the leader of the council, is removed from the equation and shoved off to the side when it comes to swearing oaths of loyalty between the members on account of her womanhood. daemon being a second coming of ‘maegor’ (despite what we know would be a better suited title for aemond, but i digress) is also used. when discussing who would side with them the vale is automatically disqualified from the list, due to them presently being ruled by a woman, jeyne arryn. she doesn’t choose to fight for rhaenyra for the sole reason of them being kin, but because her own right to rule can and will be put into question if aegon steps over rhaenyra. because she is a woman. she does so in spite of her dislike for daemon (and his supposed maegor-ness) too.
even if one were to look at each characters personal feelings about the succession the fact of the matter is that rhaenyra is usurped because she is a woman. it’s stated almost blatantly multiple times before and during the war. the greens use scapegoats and smokescreens in attempts justify it (her ‘bastards’ chief among them, but legally her sons live and die as the trueborn children between her and laenor, with the reminder that septon eustace refutes this claim to begin with). even when she is killed grrm has her breast pricked to arouse a dragon that doesn’t want to kill her (and why is that?). aegon ‘wins’ against her and is king, but then why is jaehaera, as his last living remaining child not named his heir? why is aegon iii put ahead of her, despite being the enemies son? these are rhetorical questions. aegon had no plans to ever consider her his heir, he made it clear with how excited he was to marry cassandra baratheon and produce more ‘strong’ sons. his dragon (who had fought and bled for him the entire war) wasn’t mourned properly, he couldn’t wait to hatch a ‘new dragon, prouder and fiercer than the last.’ yet he wasn’t even capable of doing that in the six months before he too was killed.
it’s also safe to mention that grrm created an entire separate lore story, one that would seem to have no bearing on the original story unless you’re capable of understanding symbolism. the amethyst empress is usurped by her younger brother the bloodstone emperor, and the first long night ensues from this decision. rhaenyra (amethyst = arryn blue + targaryen red) is usurped by her younger brother aegon ii (bloodstone = hightower green + targaryen red) and the dying of the dragons, the very creatures needed to stop the next long night, are eradicated, along with the magic needed to hatch them and keep them alive (until). the war is the blacks (power, death, grief, rebellion, restraint) versus the greens (ambition, greed, jealousy, anger, wealth). the amethyst empress is important to the main story in the same way that rhaenyra is important, that snubbing the women (an integral aspect to the power the targaryens held) of house targaryen can lead only to disaster. daenerys is the key, the one to break the cycle and fix the wrongdoings caused by her ancestors obsession with power. mother of dragons, mhysa, breaker of chains, slayer of lies, daughter of death, the dragon queen, azor ahai come again, the prince that was promised will bring the dawn.
you can argue for technicalities sake all day, but there is a meaning to this story beyond the scope of rightful heirs. and it shouldn’t be shoved off to the side just so you can praise your favorites and hate those who go against them. it makes for a poor consuming of the actual story. fire and blood was created as a history book to expand on daenerys as a character. her family, what and where she’s come from, and how she relates to them. she’s the antithesis to every targaryen that’s come before her, a hero in her own right. the only targaryen’s we can say are radically important to dany’s story are the conquerors (aegon the conqueror with teats) and rhaenyra (the amethyst empress). i don’t know, just some food for thought.
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starrystevie · 7 months
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18+ | explicit sex & smoking | read here on ao3
it's 1996 when steve's world gets turned upside down again.
or, well, technically it's a few minutes into '97 when everything changes. he's at a new years party that his ex timothy is hosting and everyone is still hooting and hollering as they ring it in, pressing sloppy kisses to cheeks and lips with arms hooked around necks.
steve doesn't get kissed. not because people aren't eyeing him with a smirk and mischief and open arms of their own. no, he doesn't let himself get kissed because something feels... off about the night. the energy is weird, buzzing through his skin like electricity, keeping him on edge in a way he hasn't been since he left hawkins for boston in the fist place.
it isn't long until he figures out why.
timmy is walking up to him with his hands on some guy's shoulders, pushing him backwards with a wide smile like he's trying to convince him of something. the guy is about his height, short cropped dark hair and a leather jacket, the sight of his back alone getting steve excited. timmy always did know his type to a t.
"hey!" timmy yells over the music as he catches steve's eye. "got someone for you to meet."
once the guy turns around, the smiles on both steve and the mystery guy's faces fall before their minds catch up with them and plaster them back together. even with the short cropped hair, even with the piercing in his eyebrow, even with the stubble spreading over his defined jaw, steve would know that face, that heartbeat, anywhere.
"steve, i wanted to introduce you to someone. jamie, this is steve, you know... the guy i was telling you about?"
timmy's trying to be helpful, not even attempting to be subtle as he pushes the two closer together with a wide grin. steve's going on autopilot, reaching out a hand to grab the one outstretched towards him, but his brain is going a million miles a minute.
"nice to meet you, steve," eddie, or... jamie, says, palm pressed tightly against his own.
steve can't say anything, focusing too much on the warmth on his palm and the way his deep voice shakes through him like thunder and the way he feels like he's 19 again with a stuttering heart.
"what are-" he starts.
eddie shakes his head and tugs on steve's hand. "not here. come on."
they end up in a secluded corner, close enough that steve can smell smoke and leather polish and the sharp bite of his cologne. close enough that he can see the lines starting to appear on the corners of eddie's eyes, the stray grey hairs popping up in his beard, the questions swirling behind his eyes.
"eddie."
"jamie," is all he says back, not even bothering to look away from steve's eyes. "it's jamie now."
they both sigh like they don't know where to start because they don't. steve grapples with all the questions in his mind before settling on one. the one that tore through him late at night. the one that stayed on the tip of his tongue anytime he heard a van backfire or metallica.
"where did you go?" he knows it sounds like an accusation because it is. he doesn't let himself feel bad when eddie (jamie) flinches.
"feds," he replies easily, sneaking a cigarette out of his pocket and putting it between his lips. he tilts his head back to light it away from steve's face, blowing smoke up towards the ceiling. "once i got better, they scooped me up and brought me to boston. new name, new hairstyle, new life. at least they let me choose my name so i didn't get stuck with some thing awful."
steve snorts. "so you ended up with 'jamie' how?"
"middle name's james. it just made sense." he says it with a shrug and puffs at his cigarette again.
they look at each other for a moment. steve watches his tongue flit out of his mouth to wet his lips, watches the overhead lights glint off the metal of a surprise tongue piercing, watches his throat swallow around nothing but spit.
he can see, feel, eddie doing the same. he hams it up, pulls his lip between his teeth and makes it a show, looks back up at eddie from under his lashes. takes in a deep breath when eddie inches closer to him until their hips are bumping and steve plucks the cigarette out of his lips for a puff of his own.
he's 19 again, in love or like or lust with a boy in a leather jacket that has the world against him. he's 19 again, working a hand over himself to thoughts of his crush who up and vanished without so much as a goodbye. he's 19 again, crying after he comes, wishing he could go back in time before he met curly hair and a battle vest.
"so how do you know tim?" eddie whispers like he has to be quiet even though the part is loud and no one could hear them if they tried.
"how do you know him?" steve asks back, blowing out smoke and putting the cigarette back between eddie's barely spread lips.
his eyes flick down to look at steve's still pursed lips from when he angled the smoke over his shoulder. "we used to fuck, once upon a time when i first got to boston."
steve hums like it's the answer he expected and maybe it is. "same here. dated for about a year."
eddies eyes grow wide and his hip bumps into steve's like it's a question in and of itself and maybe it is. "didn't know you swing that way, harrington."
"well, you don't really know anything about me then, do you? didn't back then either, munson."
his eyes goes even wider, something like fear and shame and comfort and hope swimming in them. "leonard. it's leonard now."
steve hums again, says 'jamie leonard' like he's feeling it out on his tongue. tasting it between his teeth. teaching his mouth how to form the words instead of what he really wants to say like 'eddie' or 'munson' or 'i'm still somehow in love with you no matter your name'.
"jamie leonard," he says again, breath hitting eddie's lips. he shivers when he sees his lips part a bit more like he wants to swallow the sound and air that steve gives him. "we have a lot to catch up on, don't we?"
steve's apartment isn't all that big, isn't exactly small either but it has everything he could possibly need. he has a living room that looks out over the harbor and a kitchen with all new appliances and eddie munson naked in his bedroom. you know, the essentials.
their clothes are all over the floor, eddie's motorcycle helmet flung somewhere in the vague direction of the armchair in the corner but the smack it makes when it hits the wall makes steve think there's probably a hole in the drywall.
but eddie's sucking on his cock, hands wrapped around his thighs as he takes him even deeper, eyes flicking up to meet steve's, beard scratchy as it rubs against his sensitive skin. he's never been blown by someone with a tongue piercing but he doesn't think he can ever go back now.
the last thing on his mind is wondering if there's a hole in the goddamn wall.
"oh fuck, yeah there you go. feels so goddamn good," steve breathes out as he feels the back of eddie's throat on his cockhead. he tangles a hand as best he can in his short dark hair to try and coax him even deeper. eddie hums at either the praise or the tug on his hair or the way it feels as he works his tongue over steve's cock and it makes him jolt unexpectedly.
if he could go back in time and tell his 19 year old self that eddie was alive, that he was okay and breathing and learning how to suck cock like a goddamn professional, he'd do it in a heartbeat. save himself a few years of pining and fly straight out to boston to see it for himself. he's sure robin would have preferred to not have to listen to his whining everyday about brown eyes and dark curls.
eddie brings a hand to cup his balls, finger teasingly pressing into steve's taint, bobbing his head eagerly like he wants him to come in his mouth, but steve has other plans. he tugs eddie off of his cock quickly, lines of thick spit falling between them and sticking to his chin before crowding him up against the pillows.
steve kisses like he's dying and eddie is survival. he kisses him like he is drowning and eddie is the shore that he's clawing his way towards. he kisses him like 19 year old steve could only dream about.
soon enough, steve's sliding into him with a groan that he lets eddie swallow from him. the headboard knocks heavily into the wall a few times making even more possible holes, but all steve can focus on is the heat around him, the way eddie's whines bounce off the walls of his too empty bedroom and cover him like a blanket.
he likes fucking this way. he likes being able to watch as someone's face contorts into pleasure, like to see eyes rolling back and mouths dropping open and sweat beading around their hairline. likes seeing eddie fall apart.
"steve, oh my god," eddie's voice is still deeper than he's used to as he moans so he angles his hips up more to hear it again, the low timbre snaking through his veins and leaving fire in its wake. "don't stop."
"i won't," he groans into eddie's open mouth. "wanted this for so long, for fucking 11 years, not giving you up yet."
it's a bit more open than steve normally is when he first fucks someone but this isn't just someone. this isn't fucking a stranger he picked up in a bar that had almost the right shade of brown eyes and patches on his jacket that are almost the right shape. this is eddie. his eddie. or well... jamie.
"fuck, i'm gonna date you so fucking hard, harrington. yeah, right there keep going, shit-"
he's babbling as steve works his hips faster, tangling their free hands together to press above their heads on a pillow, and it's everything steve could have asked for. hearing his name fall from the lips he's dreamed about for years, sharing the same air as they breath into one another.
he thought he was over it, thought he had moved on at least a little bit from a halfway stranger he knew in his teens, but with the way they're both looking straight into each other's eyes begging each other to see them, he thinks they might both be back in 1986.
"what do-" steve cuts himself off as he whimpers, close, so close to the finish line. "what do you want me to call you? is it jamie or-"
he's shaking his head on the pillow, leaning up to bite at steve's lips and pull it between his teeth. he looks serious and certain when he says, "no, that name's not for you, it's... i need-"
steve brings his hand down to work over his cock and revel in the way his eyes roll back until he can only see white. he hits something that makes his eyes fly back open and he gets to see his favorite shade of brown again.
"eddie," he whispers. leaning down quickly, steve presses a kiss to his ear before whispering his favorite name there too. "eddie, baby, come on. let me... come on, eddie."
it feels silly to be chanting a name of a ghost as intensely as he is. but he can see it crawl over eddie like it's bringing him back to life. like he isn't bones on the ground in an alternate dimension. like he isn't a plain headstone in a graveyard next to a forgotten trailer park. like he isn't playing pretend with a fake name and a fake life.
steve says eddie and it brings him home.
afterwards, they lay together in steve's probably too soft bed, tears drying on both of their cheeks as they catch up. as they tell each other secrets that their younger selves could never dare. as the piece together the lives they have and the lives they want to have and slot each other into the mix.
steve has a hand in eddie's hair, eddie has one trailing over steve's arm that's slung over his chest. he's always been a fan of cuddling after sex.
"y'know," eddie mutters, "tim's been trying to get me to meet his hot teacher friend for months now."
steve hums, presses a kiss to his temple. "and he's been trying to get me to meet his hot motorcycle tech for months, too."
there are a few holes in the walls from the headboard and eddie's helmet, but steve thinks that they can patch those up, too.
he's still jamie leonard to the outside world. he's still a guy who doesn't have much family other than a mysterious uncle in indiana and doesn't have many friends other than ex boyfriends. he still introduces himself with a handshake and says a fake name like it's real.
but when he gets home, when he crawls onto a couch that overlooks the harbor and has arms wrapped around him, he gets to be eddie munson once more. and with the ghost of a man in his arms, steve harrington feels more like himself than he ever thought he would.
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heaveniowa · 1 year
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sophomore slump or comeback of the year / so much (for) stardust
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l3viat8an · 6 months
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Rooo!!! I have Levi brain rot rn, and I need to share Grand Admiral! Levi thoughts with u :/
As an important figure in the military, Levi has to go out sometimes to check up on the outskirts bases of the Devildom. Make sure that everything is working as they should.
This usually lasts for weeks, and today you had found out how long 2 weeks can feel when your loser gamer boyfriend is out on assignment.
Finding solace in his uncharacteristically empty room, you cuddle up in the bathtub bed, desperate to feel anything that reminded you of your beloved player 1. Using his favorite jacket, watching replays of his old streams, sleeping in his bed, that's slowly losing his scent and feel.
But one day, while curled up in his gaming chair, rewatching his old clips for the thousandth time. Levi comes home. Still in his uniform as he marched into his room, not expecting to find his PC on.
Once you realized he was there, you quickly jumped into his arms, peppering kisses all over him. When you pull away, you expect to see the usual sight; Leviathan a blushing mess, stammering about something you can't quite make out. But now, he wasn't blushing at all. He barely changed his stoic demeanor.
"L-levi...?"
You asked confused, removing yourself from his embrace to look at his attitude. Giving a hurt look as you basically pouted. Throwing a small tantrum that he didn't miss you at all
Unbeknownst to you, Levi was freaking out. After weeks out on field he just wanted to sleep and go back to his shut-in lifestyle. What he didn't know was that what he needed was to see his player 2 dressed in his jacket. Being an adorable tsundere as she pouted.
"On the bed, and strip. Leave the jacket on"
Levi commanded, looking serious as you stood there. Shocked at his words.
"E-excuse me?"
"Did I stutter? Strip, on the bed."
"W-wait–"
Shocked and confused, You stood their unsure of what to do. And why the hell that turned you on so much
It wasn't the first time Levi was in control, but he was usually so sweet and gentle. Not this... demanding. You're not sure if it's the uniform, the attitude, or the fact it was Levi being so assertive. But you followed without hesitation.
And you're so greatful that you did, because the two weeks waiting for him were quickly rewarded. Levi being as merciless with you as he took what he wanted. Leaving you a blushing mess, passed out in his bed, as for the first time in two weeks, you slept with him again on his bed.
The next day, he profusely apologized at how rough he was, while all you could think about was when could you bring that side of him out once more
(AHHH IM SORRY FOR GOING ON FOR SO LONG BUT I NEEDED TO SHARE IT SO BADLYYY 🙏 IDK IF THIS IS SMUT OR FLUFF BUT I JS LOVE HIM AHHHH)
Nsfw!
Looks like fluffy-smut to me- holy shi 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 ‘n idk what happened but my add-on is definitely smut helpjdksj
Levi didn’t actually expected you to obey his command so quickly. He watched as you stripped down, leaving the jacket on like he had ordered. Fuck you look so good It took his breath away and he has to shake his head a bit, collecting himself as you climbed into his bathtub bed.
He quickly joined you, climbing on top of you in the bathtub before pulling you closer and kissing you, moaning softy as he deepens the kiss, sliding his tongue to tangle with yours.
His hands didn’t stop either, roaming over your body, exploring every inch of it, as if trying to burn it into his memory again.
Honestly there was something about this side of Levi that you couldn't resist. It was as if you were being taken by a completely different person, one who was confident and assertive…the grand admiral....it’s really hot-
You moaned when his fingers finally found their way between your legs, pressing against your already dripping cunt. He thrust two fingers inside you, causing you to moan loudly.
"You- you look so beautiful like this." Levi breathed into your ear, his voice low and husky. "I've been waiting for weeks to feel you again…..and I can’t wait anymore.”
He lines his cock up with your ready pussy, waiting for you to nod before sliding in and letting out a little whine he just can’t stop from slipping out, “S-so, good, messed you so m-much..”
He wanted nothing more than to keep you close, to let you feel how much you meant to him, as he fucked you faster, harder-
It was as if he had been holding back for weeks, waiting for this moment to release all the passion that had built up inside him.
“G-gonna cum soon….need, need you to cum with me.” as he leans down to kiss you, one of his hands slides back down to you clit and his thumb rubs against it roughly. Making Levi moan against your lips as you tighten around him, soon as he feels you orgasm take over your body Levi cums. rutting his hips into yours, riding through your orgasms together.
Panting Levi hides his face in your neck for a moment and he can hear you let out a little giggle, before whispering "I've missed you too, Levi." and Levi laughs, pressing a few soft kisses along your neck~
The next morning you’ll wake up to your, sweet boyfriend acting like his usual self. Looking over your body and apologizing endlessly, he promises he’ll be more gentle next time!! Wait no- he didn’t mean it like that!!- he did-
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