#so i just keep dancing even though im in pain | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kiss-me-muchoo · 5 months

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𝐈𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐬, 𝐈𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐳𝐞 || 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠!𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐬 𝐒𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

part one: stop, you’re losing me || part two: in the trees, in the breeze (here)

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲_ your memory kept haunting Coriolanus Snow, so he found the way to end his exile. It’s a new era, but the same old feelings between Coriolanus and you keep causing scandals. Although, you are not ready to let go the pain he caused to you.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬_ Capitol ballerina!reader, angst, drama, violence and death lol, jealousy, unhinged Coriolanus, sex mentions, reader still has health problems, etc. 13k words fic IM SORRY

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞_ hear this along Can’t catch me now, I’m not an OR fan but I love that song from her. I mean, who didn’t? And thank you for the wait and loveeeee. PLEASE TELL ME OF ANY ERRORS BC I CAN’T BE ALMOST ACCUSED OF BEING TRANSPHOBIC PLEASEEEE

♪ ♫ awful Coriolanus Snow playlist ✰ Index (+ fics here)

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Red, blue, red, red, yellow, green, green, pink.

Every color is correctly marked. A nurse smiles with some papers on her hand before she dissapears.

You can get dressed again. The color test was done, your vision was okay.

Purple and green bruises are scattered across your skin. Some appeared on your inner thighs. Two on your knees and one on the ribs from the day you collapsed after the post-Hunger Games celebration. You sigh covering your skin with a long floral dress. The reflection of yourself on the mirror salutes you with a tired, broken and sad face. It makes you force a smile, pretending more people were watching you. The room in empty though.

“Everything is fine. Your body is responding well to the shots.” A doctor asks as soon as he walks in into the room.

“The only thing that worries me is your mental health. Have you been stressed or has anything happened to you that could be considered a traumatic experience?”

The pointe shoes soaked in blood. The unstoppable bleeding on your feet. The late nights with panic attacks and over thinking. That young blonde man and the songbird together. The night on dressing room, how your hand burned after slapping the man so hard. The shock of all the events surrounding your life two weeks ago. How you lost control, your head spinning, blurred vision, heart pounding, numb arms and how you felt the oxygen was leaving. All the things you did for someone who never deserved you, making you shatter, fainting as soon as you finished dancing.

“Miss y/l/n… Are you okay?” The distant voice of the doctor breaks your bubble. You shake your head in disguise before turning away from the mirror, facing him and smiling politely.

“Yes, I’m fine. I was very stressed, yeah. Working with the production of the Hunger Games. My artistic performances, last days at the Academy. It was a lot…” the doctor sighs, annotating something. He then handed you the paper.

“I’m giving you some treatment for that. And please, you have to be careful and calm. Only that way the medicine will help everything to work here” he points his head. You nod, accepting the paper.

After that, you leave the private hospital. Trevor is there, your chauffeur and friend. He smiles, opening the door for you.

“Thank you, Trevor” he starts the car soon after.

“Is everything okay?” You nod, looking at the bright day at the Capitol.

“I just need to relax and eat well.” Trevor had trimmed his hair. It made him look younger, making you smile at the memory of him saying his wife was his hairstylist.

“Good. Oh, I received a call from your mother. This woman…uh, Dr. Volumnia Gaul? She wants to see you at the Univeristy today” you frown to look at him confused.

“Oh? So… Can we go now?” He nods, turning left to start the route. Meanwhile, you wonder what could she want. You made your part, the games had a higher amount of viewers compared to last year. You engaged with the production and the celebration was at full capacity. Your little accident even made it more attractive to the media. Appearing on the papers and magazines across Panem.

And after everything, you still wanted to keep dancing. Or else range would consume you.

…

It’s the first time you step inside the Capitol’s University. It’s very similar to the Academy, but the floor tiles are green and white. There’s a lot of white, cream, golden and black decorating the halls and long stairs.

Since it’s summer, most of the building was empty. Only some of the staff, and very few people who seemed like students. You see they dress very elegant. Some women wore hats with feathers or flowers. The men wore classy suits and you genuinely thought you would fit in.

You couldn’t wait to have some sense of normality as a Univeristy student along Clemensia and Lysistrata. Your only close friends left. Well, also Festus and Sejanus.

What seems like the private office of Gaul has a red door. Inside, she had a laboratory, smaller but weirder than the one you had seen before. Full of dissected creatures, tanks and crystal containers with unknown chemicals.

Some steps further and you see her desk, where she is collecting some folders and putting them away in some shelves.

“Glad to see you breathing, miss y/l/n…” somehow you found the humor to smile coldly.

“As you can see.” You reply standing perfectly correct.

“By this point you should know what happened to Mr. Snow” goosebumps make you shake your shoulders slightly, you nod again.

“He was exiled. Twenty years. He lied to me and did not said a thing about cheating on the games”

“Indeed. However this morning, I just discovered he bribed a woman to be sent to District 12.” You bite your tongue to hide your fury. A hot feeling invade your chest in rage. But you just breathe, failing to not show discontent.

“That’s not any of my business anymore.” Even Gaul seems taken aback. However, she doesn’t say anything, she just keeps pulling away the pile of folders.

“Well, since it seems you both parted ways… I must share that I’m deleting any record or data related to the 10th Hunger Games. Too many things happened before, during and after the games. Things that would compromise the reputation of the whole organization. Including me, the Academy, the mentors, you and Mr. Snow” honestly, you don’t know what to say. You just frown slightly, demonstrating how confused you were. But you also understood with half of the context. The death of Arachne, Coriolanus and his odd ways to make his songbird oustand, the rebel attack, Lucy Gray Baird winning from cheat. And the things you didnt know like Sejanus entering the arena.

However, you stick to your parent’s advice. You have to think about you and anyone else.

“I understand. But I did my part. I completed my task so I hope this decision doesn’t jeopardize my grant” she smiles. Dr. Gaul secretly believed that you and Coriolanus Snow could rule Panem together. In a sick and evil way, so she really hoped her dark intentions would work.

“Of course not. We had a deal. The views went up this year. You brought a new vision for the promotion that I’ll hardly let go.” The ambition started tickling you. Making you roll your tongue inside your closed mouth, at the verge of opening it and talking.

“Good.”

“In fact, you would be a nice option to become head of the promotion and relations team.” From the last games, you realized the director only gave instructions but he rarely did the dirty job. You liked having some power over the games. And now, a childish and unjustified resentment towards District 12 made you smile as Gaul offered you a new job.

“Is it a possible option to be working in behalf of my mother’s institution?”

“You’re very smart, y/n y/l/n. You are going further than Mr. Snow” your smile only grows, knowing you are nit being correct. You are letting the rage and resentment to guide you. You will make your last name shine brighter than your parents did. Just to rub it in the face of certain blonde who was now exiled. Probably savoring the country life of District 12.

“I just want to make my family’s name bigger than it already is” the woman giggles, taking out a red envelope and handing it you.

“I assume you’ll pursue the arts as you’re speciality. But if you want to get involved with the production, marketing and relations. You are taking politics and some lessons with me” when you look down at the envelope, the golden logo of the university is greeting you. It’s the admission letter.

“I expect to see you here by the end of the summer” you nod, thanking her.

And as you walk outside where Trevor is waiting for you, you have a cocky smile. Feelings like things could go better. You don’t even remember the doctor’s appointment you were in before coming to see Gaul.

…

Your soft hands gently brush against his forehead. Coriolanus had chills, he hadn’t had fever since he was 15 years old. But your hands are so soft even when they feel cold as ice. He just knows he’s in his bed. In his rottening penthouse. He can see a slightly blurred image of you, wearing a green dress, your hair in a braid, a golden necklace, dark purple lips. He can’t hear your words, but you are talking to him, spreading some cream across his chest, immediately he felt the mint soothing his cough and pain. He must’ve said something funny, because he can now see clearly your face, gorgeous as always. And he can clearly hear you laughing.

Coriolanus wakes up smiling. And he realised he was dreaming.

He was in a small and creaky lower bunk bed. Sejanus sleeping in the upper bunk. The sun hasn’t come up. And he’s a peacekeeper in District 12.

It’s been weeks since he left the Capitol. And since day one, you seem to be haunting him.

Current dreams of you, swearing to be hearing your voice. It makes him want to call you every single day. But he doesn’t. He was able to forget about you when he was in the peacekeeper training and duties. When he was with Lucy Gray any trace of you was gone. But as soon as he had a moment alone, he would remember everyhting about you.

He missed you. Painfully a lot.

Every Friday, he had been sending the letters. He hoped your mother would hand them to you. But Coriolanus knew you too well to know you likely would not be reading them. Nonetheless, he was letting himself to write the most vulnerable pieces of him, putting his heart on each word and phrase. Hoping that by the time his exile was over, you would have forgiven him.

When the sun rise, he’s up along the rest of the boys. Sejanus gives him a friendly smile and they’re out exercising and doing jobs all day long. During his break, he’s able to seat in an old bench, with a beautiful view of an open green field.

That’s when he dreams of seeing there, dancing or simply standing there with a sundress. Like the ones you used to wear on summer when he visited the house your parents had in District 4. He dreams so hard that he swears seeing the skirt of your dress swaying through the trees. And that’s when he knows he’s so fucked up.

But that’s long forgotten after the break is over. And by the night, he’s on the biggest bar of the town. He sees Lucy Gray singing something new. He honestly never understood the meaning behind her songs, but he was enchanted by her do what she loved.

After her live presentation, a big projector was introduced. They started playing the weather with Lucky Flickerman. Which made Coriolanus miss the Capitol.

“They’re probably waiting for some women. That’s why the always start that thing” Lucy Gray said, appearing by his side. He smiled at her.

“To see women?” She nodded, grabbing a glass of cold water.

“You know who are men around her” with no tv around, no ostentatious lifestyles, men could get excited with little makeup and satin gowns. Coriolanus was disgusted by many mannerism of the 12. But he was happy to be able to find some peace along the songbird.

“See? What’s that thing by the way?” When Coriolanus turned around to see the old projector, he almost choked.

It was the summer fundraising charity of your mother. Another luxurious gala to help the constructions of the Capitol after war. However, that wasnt the most impressive part for Coriolanus. It was the fact that you were getting in pose to start a performance.

Lucy Gray Baird was in shock. So if she was surprised, the men all around the bar where cheering and whistling.

There you were, with curled wet hair, metallic bronze makeup, wine lips, golden bracelet on your arms. But the attire. A two piece set that let your legs and stomach show off. With bare feet, and two elegant knives. One on each hand. Your cocky smile was back. And it was ruining Coriolanus Snow.

He literally jumped from his seat, leaving Lucy Gray to cross the river of men and properly see you.

She knew you had broken up with him. And that relieved the songbird, as she felt like she could let her feelings for Coriolanus flow freely. But seeing the boy literally hipnotized as soon he saw you, it made her feel uneasy. Deeply she knew that Coriolanus wasn’t over you. And no matter what, you were a sensible subject for him. That not even herself could ever test.

But he kept going. Each step meant hearing them say how good you looked, the places where they’d put their hands on your body. It boiled his blood.

But he finally, the dance killed him. Because maybe for the capitol you were still elegant and classy. Their eyes would publicly appreciate your art, and privately let their mind wander with your half naked body. But for people from the 12. It was like throwing a piece of meat to lions in starvation.

With your hips swaying tentatively, pointed feet letting everyone know how flexible you were. That sassy look on your face that Coriolanus was feeling too personal. It was like you were saying look what you lost.

He was used to see you in pastel tutus, hair in a bun. Not this goddess ritual dance type of thing. The music was very different, something very uncommon in Panem. He really wants to punch every man in the room. He sees how most of the women in the bar see your graceful image with disgust. And Coriolanus couldn’t blame them. But it made him remember that he had lost the right to call you his. And that intrusive thought made him automatically think he wanted to go back home so badly.

Your sensual and meticulous steps keep going, the knives making him remember the folk tales of women dancing with sharp objects to show fertility, honor of their kingdom and to seal a man’s faith. Every minute more desperate for Snow, who’s over the edge of hearing men say plenty of things about you. But soon, the music stops with you arched, straight knees, your curls kissing the stage, the knives perfectly pointing like a clock.

Coriolanus doesnt miss your evil smile. He can sense you are changing. And he remember all the pain he caused you, making him sigh in resignation. His desire of going back for you only growing.

“I’m sorry I left like that” he explains to Lucy Gray. She notices how quick he drank his beer. She was a woman after all, she knew the effect a fine woman could have on men. Especially on the one who was her lover. The one that probably hurt her and left her, ending their history in bad terms.

“It’s okay. I told you she was very pretty before” Coriolanus learns that Lucy Gray was not being sarcastic that day at the zoo.

…

It had come to the point where he couldn’t run away from his thoughts. Coriolanus was borderline obsessed with your memory. He constantly wondered how you were doing. He had to ask Tigris every time they talked to see learn anything about you.

For the first time, since he left the Capitol, Tigris shares that she had talked to you.

Coriolanus was surprised to hear that the reason you gave about the breakup was only because he cheated with Lucy Gray.

You didn’t said a word about him the lies, the last argument you two had. You only say that his songbird was special. And that you stopped to be what he needed.

Which was heavily mistaken. Some days before August accepted that you were the only thing he needed to keep going. He imagines a fake scenario where you came to the 12 with him. You find a humble home where you wait till his training is over. The lake where he spent hours with Lucy Gray and The Covey could’ve been hours with you. Talking about anything and everything. He would’ve come straight home to you when the training was over. Make love to you, promise to fight for a higher position, possibly as a commander one day and marrying you. And soon the years would’ve passed, his exile would be over and you would go back to the Capitol with him. Maybe some children along.

But that would never happen. And his delusion was starting to make him find a way to go back where he belonged.

He questioned if his urges where for power, or to get back the woman he loved.

Whatever the reason was, a lot of people would pay the price. First were the daughter of the mayor and her partner, then the man who had the decency to hide the gun he used to kill those two.

His hands trembling as he pressed to record Sejanus. But he knew there were high possibilities of being heard. And that way, he would go back. He would find you and slowly start again.

The death of Sejanus would haunt him for a long time. He knew he was a close friend of yours, which made him get chills, uneasy to decide what could be your reaction to the news. Either way, it was done. The heavens had to have heard him. He was offered to serve in District 2, gain some money and he could easily take the train to see you if anything.

But Lucy Gray had other plans. And Coriolanus wasnt even sure of what he was doing. Probably in his rambling and panic after everything he went through as a peacekeeper, one side of him wanted to run away and never see back again. To forget about his decisions as a mentor, to forget about his decisions as a peacekeeper and to forget about you. That way he would never have to face all the pain he caused you.

After some hours of walking, Coriolanus should have seen the signs.

“Everyone in the Covey are really good dancers. But I don’t think it’s my thing. I just have my voice…” Lucy Gray said, holding her bag tightly. Coriolanus only smiled, remembering how bad the songbird was when he tried to teach her how to waltz.

“Is it like… exclusive in the Capitol?”

“I think so. Today there’s only one institution, the mother of…” he goes quiet, realizing what he was about to say.

“…y/n?” She asked, almost nervous about mentioning your name. But in reality, she wasnt. After Coriolanus nodded, they just kept walking in silence.

“Her mother founded it?”

“It was her grandmother actually. Mine knew her, and they were kind of friends” he said smiling, trying to look away from Lucy Gray so he couldn’t see him smiling.

Once you leaned Coriolanus was financially struggling some years ago, you ended up visiting him for the first time. That day you learned Grandma’am was friend of your family before your mother was born. And that only made her appreciate you faster. Which made Coriolanus happy. Finally seeing her grandmother to let go the days of the war and any crazy ideas that stayed on her mind. All thanks to you.

“Grandma’am even started planting pink roses for her.” It slipped out automatically, he couldn’t control it.

“She’s like ink…” Coriolanus missed the point. But after some minutes of silence, he understood what Lucy Gray said. Which resulted true. Metaphorically, you were the brightest tint he’d ever seen. He let that ink fall and splash everywhere, leaving stains on him that probably would never leave.

And finally, Lucy Gray Baird fell to her end in the shallow woods. Hunted like a prey. By a broken man who decided to stop being good. Who was losing his mind for the pieces of a woman he let go so easily.

That changes like the destination of Coriolanus.

He’s going back to the Capitol. With tiny sparks of hope. But firmly believing that everyhting was meant to happen like that so he could go back to you.

However, as he came closer, Coriolanus realized he was lost. He had no idea what would await for him. And what version of you would greet him.

…

There isn’t an exact period over the Capitol that can’t be considered as autumn. The summer was practically over, and winter was already happening. Coriolanus had to wait longer than expected to get into University. In the meantime, he accepted the money from the Plinth family. He decided to get ahead of time. He used the last hot days to get Tigris and Grandma’am back to the penthouse. He bought the whole building and in two weeks the whole place was renewed. There was only one thing he couldn’t get rid of. The living room and entrance olive paint you brought. He painted the halls, dining room, studio and kitchen in a dark blue paint. But he wasnt able to get rid of the memories he made with you. His old self was long gone. But he had his supcisions that the version he was for you would never change.

However, he decided to stay afar from the public eye for that month after returning from exile.

Tigris said she hadn’t seen you. But that was okay. He would soon enter to University. He was going to see you there.

Eventually the day came. He gets rid off Casca Highbottom and then he walks towards the big and imposing University of the Capitol. He had a driver now, but he thought it wouldn’t be bad to use the mornings to walk.

In his first hours inside, he has private lessons with Dr. Gaul. Already mentoring him to be a game maker. She kind of suspects he was involved with the sudden death of Highbottom. But for some reason, Gaul has a lot of hopes in him, so she would easily act blind to keep her plans to keep going.

After that, Coriolanus starts looking out for you. He crosses the big seminar rooms and other halls. Until he is able to locate the arts building. It’s smaller but probably the mots interesting. With a beautiful barroque facade. As soon as he enters, he sees a group of girls holding large canvas with beautiful painting on them. Then, some steps later he spots two guys trying to carry a sculpture. Coriolanus believes that kind of modern art was the future of the Capitol. He had to admit the arts building was fully alive, he even forgot he was still at the university.

Coming down from some stairs, he sees two girls. A red haired and a tanned with black leotards and floral skirts are giggling. They seems like dancers, he doesnt think twice. He’s already approaching the girls.

“Excuse me, ladies. Do you know by any chance where I can find y/n y/l/n?” The girls look cheekily at each other, before smiling at him. Which makes Coriolanus wonder what type of rumours had been flowing around about you and him. Since mostly everyone knew the last Snow heir was dating the daughter of the kings of Panem´s television industry.

“She’s rehearsing now. It’s on the second floor, you’ll hear the music…” he thanks the tanned girl before going upstairs.

She wasn’t lying. He started hearing the classical piano music. He can hear some distant and low cheering. The whole floor is full of dancers. It’s a long hall, to the right, a big studio, with a classical mural, chandeliers and the most giant mirror he’d ever seen.

The people outside the studio see him with curiosity. But he only has eyes for the ballerina dancing all across the studio.

There you are, with a coral tutu, black leotard and thighs. Your pointe shoes seem new. Your cheeks look so pink and your smile is there.

He has to understand that you have become popular enough to have your own fans. Some rumors said that your mother was offering master classes at the University. And he couldn’t help but think how much your family’s name have growth since he left.

He lost count of many turns you did, but you finish cleanly, offering a beautiful view of your tutu wadding.

People start a round of applauses. He debates whether to get closer or not. He doesnt have any speech prepared. He doesn’t know what to say to you.

“Coriolanus?” When he turns around, he sees Clemensia Dovecote there. Her old study buddy looked older, but not in a bad way. He saw the scales on her skin. But he didnt had to ask, he knew it was because of the rainbow snakes. It just seemed weird to see with short sleeves but turtleneck.

“Clemensia” he greets her. Clemmie was probably your female best friend. It wasnt a surprise that suddenly the woman seemed to dislike him.

“Since when you returned?” He looks back at you again. As the music keeps playing, he just smiles. He know the way things would now work. With no how are you questions or anything like the past.

“Some weeks ago.” Clemensia looks like she’s analyzing every movement and word of him.

“Why are you here?” Her hostile tone only makes Coriolanus to act more relaxed than he already is.

“I made the promise to come back for y/n…” the woman stares at him, probably taken aback.

“She doesn’t need this, Coriolanus. She can’t have this” Clemensia had visited you at the hospital. She learned most of his lies towards you. She knew you didn’t deserved to fall again. And especially not because of him.

“I know, Clemmie. I won’t be a burden for her” the music stops, and Coriolanus decides that it’s not time to talk to you yet. So he smiles once again to Clemensia.

“I hope so. Because you already failed her once…” his smile drops. Clemensia dissapears to get inside the studio. Coriolanus stares at you one last time, before he silently walks out.

…

Before you can reach your glass of posca, a porcelain plate with your food slides on the way. A soft piece pile of fried little steaks, with melted cheese and a golden sauce of mushrooms dripping. Your stomach churns and it makes Clemensia laugh.

She had a salmon fine cut with caviar and other exotic stuff. It was a beautiful afternoon to have dinner at one of the most elegant restaurants of the Capitol Downtown.

“Bless your food.”

“Bless your food” you reply back to her.

“So, How it went the rehearsal?” You roll your eyes giggling.

“It was great, until the girls taking the masterclass appeared to see me” your father was right. After working in the production of the 10th Hunger Games, many doors opened for you. Splendid career opportunities here and there. Only that you didn’t enjoy a lot of attention.

“Are they still at the Academy” you nod.

“Rich girls who can make their parents pay the classes of course” Clemensia smiles, drinking a little bit before getting back to eat.

“Coriolanus was looking for you…” you literally stopped eating. You almost drop your fork, but you decided to hold it firmly.

“What?”

“Apparently he’s back.” She reveals. Making you close your eyes in panic.

“How? He was exiled” you say whispering. Clemmie shrugs.

“Gaul. He’s her pupil star. And with Dean Highbottom dead now…” it must’ve been great for Coriolanus to learn the man was gone. Always putting him in the lowest, it was a mark for change.

“Doesn’t matter, I won’t let this get into my way” she smiles.

“What about what your father said?” During a late lunch, you had been talking with your parents, revealing that you broke up with Coriolanus because he cheated. Your mother was shocked, but soon she joined your father to give a twisted advice. He asked if you still loved him. You answered you weren’t sure.

Then I suggest you to proceed to ignore him. Soon you’ll learn his intentions if he ever comes back. Play with him a little. Show him that nobody will laugh in the face of family like ours. Let your hands get dirty, but never show this insecurity you’re talking about.

From that day, you still wake up every morning without knowing how you actually feel about Coriolanus Snow. You know you can’t just simply forget about all the things you did with him. But you firmly pretended that he was in the past.

“I still don’t know how I feel about him.”

“Are you still in contact with his family?” You remember Tigris and Grandma’am.

“Not as much as I used to”

“Mhm. Did they ever learned what happened?” You sigh.

“Just that he opted to choose the songbird before me. And I know Tigris has her own opinion. I just never gave her the opportunity to share it.”

“With him back… probably you’ll find out sooner than later” Clemensia admits, leaving you thinking for the rest of the dinner.

Turns out that you are not ready to find out yet.

…

The first time you see him, it’s at the gardens of the University. You had lunch and wanted to have a brief walk. Through a maze of flowers and plants, you spot him on a bench. He’s very concentrated reading a book. Your eyes widen, seeing how much different he looked. The posture, the clothes, the hair, the cold look.

Something notoriously changed. And you have your suspicions. It wasn’t a coincidence that Sejanus was gone, and Lucy Gray Baird had dissapeared.

You mourned the death of Sejanus one week. You send your condolences to his parents at the funeral. And that night you cam’s help but cry on your pillow. Wondering why had life slowly turned dark. In a matter of months you had experienced things you never thought you would. You lost people, you had your first heart broken. You had lost the will to do much things. But, you had to keep going. And you felt guilty, because you thought you had no right to feel like your life was hard, just for being Capitol. The districts struggled more. However, it’s not on your power to mend their lives. Just as it’s not their case to judge your life.

And now, seeing Coriolanus so firm, so calm, it makes you doubt. Sensing that there must’ve been something off about him. Something bad, like all the things he did and hide from you.

You pretend you’re looking for some papers in your bag when you walk past him. He doesn’t see you though, and you thank it.

A couple of days later, you hear for the first time the rumours about him courting Livia Cardew. It makes you feel depressed. You cry out of anger as soon as you get home.

And to your dismay, the first thing you see after turning into a room for the politics class, it’s them. Coriolanus Snow is talking to Livia just beside the door.

That’s the first time you two look at each other again. He sees the anger, discontent and so much resentment. You see the questioning, curiosity and admiration in his eyes.

Nothing else is said because you break the gazes, you walk inside the room with your head high, and your presence is so evident that even Livia has to look at you. Taking too much time to see your beautiful heels.

A week later, you are having a good time with your friends. Festus and Lysistrata are there with you and Clemensia. You are talking all about the upcoming winter gala held at the biggest auditorium in the Capitol. Everyone is excited because it’s the great opportunity to make contacts and eat the most delicious food.

“Is your mother inviting Coriolanus?” Lysistrata asks with curiosity. You roll your eyes.

“I hope not. I haven’t even spoken with him ever since he came back” everyone knew you had broke up with him. But only Clemensia knew the details.

“Because he is courting Livia apparently” Festus mocks, making everyone laugh. Not that any of you had something personal against Livia. But she wasn’t the most brilliant star at the Academy. Now not certainly at University.

“Why Livia?” Clemmie asks laughing.

“Perhaps it’s becase how naïve she is”

“Or because of her father’s inheritance” you add.

“I don’t think so. He’s now the heir of the Plinth fortune” Festus remarks with dessaproval, which makes you feel angered.

“He’s dancing on Sejanus’ grave” your words create some minutes of silence for your late friend. Even when Festus and Lysistrata had made fun of him for being District and the ways of his parents to go up, at the end, they were friends. And now his absence had created a void.

“Ambitious and annoying. Just like his father…” Lysistrata comments sipping on her glass of water.

“How unfortunate. If he had stayed with you, we wouldn’t be talking bad things about him behind his back” you sigh at Clemensia’s words.

“Speaking of the king…” when you look past Lysistrata seated on her chair, you spot Coriolanus. He was wearing a dark grey suit, he looked so fine you had to admit. But soon you look away, the sudden memories of your last days with him haunt you.

After spotting his old friends and ex lover in a table at the cafeteria, he start walking towards there.

“Yeah. He would’ve been seated beside me right now. But he picked the songbird before me. At least he’s refining himself a little bit with Livia” your friends turn to look at you in shock after the revelation. But you’re gone, and Coriolanus curses himself for not walking faster.

When he makes it to the table, Festus and Lysistrata are shocked, making him furrow his brows in confusion.

“Did I missed something?” He asks.

“You had an affair with your tribute?” Lysistrata asks back in disgust. Coriolanus sees Clemensia giggling in silence with her head down. Probably enjoying his embarrassment.

His silence meets the requirement for an answer. One that they take as yes.

“And now she knows about you and Livia” Coriolanus frowns ever deeper after looking at Clemensia.

“There’s no Livia and I” He responds firmly. Even disgusted to her his name along the least smart girl of his finances class.

“Oh but everyone believes so. That you’re courting her…” he rolls his eyes, annoyed.

“I’m just talking to her because we’re partner for some stupid research” the silent sipping on their drinks at the same time is ridiculous to Coriolanus. He just stares at them annoyed.

“Do me a favor and leave her alone, Coriolanus. You were gone to go to your nobody girl from 12, but I stayed and saw her struggling in that hospital bed” Clemensia speaks confidently. Making the blonde to feel threatened.

So he realises that maybe you could have feelings for him still. And that this rumors could have weight on you. He curses himself. Even without realizing, he’s still hurting you.

“I won’t lose the girl twice, Clemmie. Have a good day” he says with a fake smile before leaving the table in shock.

He had to quicken the pace of his proximity with you. He had to make you see he never stopped caring for you.

…

There’s a shattering mess of broken glasses. You quickly move away from the crime scene, looking for your pills, immediately swallowing two.

Your mother’s assistant opens the door, asking for you with concern.

“Is everything okay, miss y/n?” You turn to look a the woman.

“I accidentally threw the jar. Sorry…” Millie is in her mid thirties. She was your mother’s confidant, and slowly yours too. She sees the news paper in the floor, half of it drenched from the broken jar that had water. She can see the title, The Snow heir tights the knot with the Cardew family?

“I’ll call the maids. Don’t worry” she says looking back at you.

“Thanks Millie.” She smiles, closing the door behind.

You breathe loudly, sighing in stress. Of course you had purposely thrown the water jar because of the news paper. A portrait picture of Livia is placed perfectly aligned with one of Coriolanus. Between some paragraph there’s your name too. But you don’t dare to see why.

You may pretend to be okay to the public eye, but you’re still drowning in the same feelings you got after Coriolanus Snow revealed his lies to you.

It’s almost like if he was still mocking you. Showing everyone how easy he had played with you. And how easy he got rid of you.

Someone had to pay. No, not someone, he. He, himself, Coriolanus Snow had to fail. Only that way you would feel slightly better. Only that way your tears would stop being for him.

The first chance you had, you would take it.

…

While you loved pursuing a dancing career along the production stuff. You still had some duties regarding politics and economy. Which is why you ended up at the submissions office so early in the morning. To send a petition.

You end up at at a messy office. A man is there, moving folders and other type of papers. There’s three baskets that can clearly be read as; approved, denied, pending.

However, you quickly look away to smile at the man who’s sitting behind the chair.

“Good morning.” Your smile is contagious to everyone. The man replies with a warm greeting.

“Good morning, miss y//l/n. How can I help you?”

“I was wondering if you could hand me a petition form to send” he nods, standing up, leaving the mess of papers behind.

“I can, just let me go and print the form. It won’t take too long…” you smile again, letting him go outside the office.

As you wait, you start seeing the racks of boxes and more boxes filled with yellow and lined papers.

Your curiosity grows, making you look at the baskets on the desk.

You see at first glance some graduation petitions, letters, etc. You are still curious to see why some papers where pending. So you look at the door one last time before diving into the papers. You don’t know the first students mentioned. Until you see the third yellow folder, where you can see a white strip with black letter saying Coriolanus Snow.

You open the folder, seeing what it was all about. A petition to start a political campaign at the age of 19. You frowned. He was good at writing. Even with letters he had some charm. But you know he never beated you to be precise and delicate. You always heard Grandma’am saying he would one day be president. But you never seriously discussed it with him. Now you know it was real. And you can’t help but feel an enormous amount of remorse.

He doesn’t deserve it. He had lost everything once, but the way he was earning everything was through breaking you, and probably others you’ll never knew about. Even when it would make Tigris and Grandma’am happy, you slip the folder into the basket of denied. You don’t feel nothing as you do it.

In fact, you offer the sweet man a smile when he comes back with the form for you. You thank him and then walk out.

…

Coriolanus swears he didn’t intend to bump into your father at the bank. Your father was a frivolous man, but since he knew him, he greeted Coriolanus with respect.

The blonde was taken aback when he invited him to have dinner at your house. And he couldn’t say no.

Your house is the same. At least from the outside, because inside, there’s more color. Coriolanus sees your mother. And she offers him a smile before he leans to give her a kiss on the cheek.

“Coriolanus, look at you. You look very handsome!” His cheeks warm, as your father giggles, handing his coat to a maid.

“I ran into him at the bank. Where’s y/n, dear?” Your mother laughs, rolling her eyes.

“That girl. I haven’t seen her out of her room since midday” the sudden sound of your heels gets noticed.

“I’m here” you say, coming down the stairs, putting some earrings on. Coriolanus notices the grey dress and black heels along the red tights. A diadem on your head and a bright smile that soon dissapears as you spot him in your house.

“Look who I found earlier” you sigh, standing straight.

“I see.” Your parents can see the way you correct your posture, showing how uncomfortable you are.

“We’re having dinner…” you ignore Coriolanus and his deep gaze on you.

“I can’t stay for dinner. I have rehearsals and I promised Clemmie to go to her birthday dinner party” they exchange looks. And Coriolanus is at the verge of smiling at the way you are making up an excuse to leave. Running away from him.

“Are you meeting with Jan before?” Coriolanus head almost pops to look at your father. And you don’t know if you should smile. Jan was your dance partner, he would dance with you at the gala. He was older, yet very handsome. And you wished he wasn’t off limits from you. Because you easily could admit your attraction towards him.

“Can you at least stay for some drinks?” You shrug at your mother, accepting your purse from a maid. You ignore Coriolanus and his way of looking at you, almost petrified.

His head was spinning, he needed to know who the hell was Jan.

“Unless you want me to do horrible at the Winter gala, no. I cannot stay, mother” she sighs, tilting her head towards your father. He understands, your father was the one who convinced you to ignore Coriolanus and play with him.

“Well, that’s fine. Just be polite and say goodbye to Coriolanus.” You nod, watching them leave inside the long corridor to enter the dinning table.

You remain quiet, looking down at your purse to avoid his eyes.

“You look lovely” he says, breaking the ice.

“Thank you.”

It’s the first time you two talk since months ago.

“I heard you want to start your political campaign” you opt to pretend you are okay and you can face him with confidence.

“I did. But the idiots of the council rejected my essay. Guess it’ll give me more time to focus on university.” You nod, grabbing a pair of gloves from inside the purse. You want to smile so badly. He would never know you were the reason of his failed first steps in the politic of Panem.

“Anyways… How you’ve been?”

“I’m fine, Coriolanus.” the way you sound tired. Like tired of him makes him uncomfortable. But he tries to keep his best smile too.

“Who is Jan?” He asks almost too seriously. You smile politely at him

“No one of your business, Snow” you calling him by his last name takes him very aback.

“You know, I just hoped that… you know. Maybe we could start off again… like friends of course” you giggle, lowering your head. He frowns confused.

“Miss y/n, Trevor is waiting in the car for you” the butler say appearing from the side door, you thank him and he leaves again.

“I don’t think there’s a way to start again. You already failed me once, Coriolanus.” You admit, putting on the gloves with a bittersweet smile on your face. You turn to pat his cheek, and he swears he’s about to melt. He lounged for your touch since the moment he left you at the hospital. He closes his eyes, hoping to slow down time and felt your cold touch.

But you move away your hand. He opens his eyes and sees you putting the last pair of the gloves on. You walk towards the door.

“You know where the dinning table room is.” And with that, you are gone.

…

Your father gave him the green light to court you again. Coriolanus had to swear that he would never cause you any type of pain, or else, your father would destroy his career before it officially started.

That was more than enough for him. Since that day, slowly, he had been greeting you almost every day, at Univeristy and when you ecountered him and Tigris in a furniture store. You personally invited her to the Winter gala, and Tigris agreed to not share the news about the invitation. But to the young Snow woman, it was a surprise that your father had already invited Coriolanus to the gala.

Soon the day came. As usual the gala opened with the performance of an specific play, than everyone celebrated in the hall with fine dining, and everyone gossiped as auctions happened. It had been a couple of weeks, very busy ones. Probably it was even more important than the arts gala on March. But for this special occasion you had rehearsed a lot to be an elegant black swan.

You smile at your own reflection at the mirror, the black tutu was gorgeous. The crown you had to use was very intriguing. And the black makeup made you feel very confident.

“I came as soon as I could” Clemensia suddenly opens the door of your dressing room. She looks agitated, but she looked amazing on a beige dress and her hair in half ponytail.

“You look very pretty” she thanks you.

“But look at you. You are going to be amazing.” She sits and both start gossiping.

“Your father invited Coriolanus.” It makes you roll your eyes tired. But you are having a heartache.

“I’m… not sure if I don’t feel anything about him” Clemmie leaves her glass of champagne.

“The newspaper rumour affected you. Right?” Slowly, you nod. Too embarrassed to look at her in the eye. But Coriolanus had been really good. He smiled at you at any chance he could. Something he would join you and your friends and he was fun, you had to bite your tongue to avoid giggling. And Clemensia had seen it too.

“I can’t blame you. I was there since the beginning…” your friend had seen the courting, the first awkward hand holding, how you two formed a strong connection. And Coriolanus left you at the hospital.

“You two had a beautiful bond. And he broke it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t miss him” Clemmie goes to hug you.

“Pa’ said to keep playing with him, to ignore him. But I’m tired, I just want to heal” she nods, letting you hide your face on her shoulder.

“You want my advice?” You nod.

“Do not force anything. Be polite to him, but avoid giving him any chance yet. As you heal, you’lo find the answer; if you should let him have another chance or not”

A man knocks. When Clemensia opens the door, he receives a bouquet of white roses.

You could recognize those roses anywhere. You get closer, taking the attached note.

Grandma’am and Tigris didn’t know what flowers to cut.

Good luck.

You try to hide your smile. But it’s impossible.

…

The whole place is full. Coriolanus takes a seat with Tigris besides.

“I talked with her yesterday. She said she was very nervous about this one” Tigris says. Coriolanus knows she’s talking about you.

“She’s always perfect, she shouldn’t feel nervous.” His mind was only thinking about Jan. He did his research. And learned he was a former dancer of your mother’s institution. It made him mad.

“Have you thought about inviting her to have dinner?” Coriolanus shakes his head.

“Not yet, I haven’t talked enough to her”

“Well, hurry up. Grandma’am wanted to see you married by the age of 20” she says laughing. But it doesn’t make Coriolanus smile.

“Oh look, it’s starting” Tigris squealed with excitement. The curtains lifted and the show started.

For the first twenty minutes, he’s so bored. Nothing exciting happens. He thinks the white swan is boring. And for the first time, he meets Jan. It makes him feel jealous.

It only worsened when you appeared on stage. Your black attire makes him go mad. He had never seen you in anything like that. He gets very invested in your scenes. He feels the emotion you are trying to project. Sassy, cheeky and attractive. You succeed to him.

Unfortunely, Jan had to appear too. And Coriolanus has to sigh, dealing with the scene of the man holding you to make you gracefully spin. The music doesn’t help, it holds the sense of you and Jan dancing together. Coriolanus knows dancing has a lot to do with acting. But he doesn’t enjoy the looks of lust and desire between you and your partner. The worst part? He had to seat and watch it for at least fifteen minutes.

His head malfunctions. But he already is telling Tigris he needs to the restroom.

It’s a lie. He goes to the dressing rooms. And his luck was so big that he found the one with the name of Jan. He slowly made his way inside. The place was so old that he didn’t need to check for security or anything, but he wanted to make sure nobody would see him in real time.

He wasn’t sure what he wanted to accomplish, but surely he wanted to get rid of the man who apparently had your attention now. Your mother had said you and Jan worked very well. And now, with him seeing the performance, he was more than sure he couldn’t let it move forward.

His hand went to his pocket, and his eyes widened. He felt the little glass tubes of narcotics. The same he used to kill Casca Highbottom.

He thought about it just for a little. Was it worth it? Getting rid of a man just to have easier access to you.

Maybe.

Then he questioned how bad he wanted you back. Coriolanus had missed you since day one. He knew he would never love anyone else. He knew no one would treat him as you once did.

So he poured the liquid from one of the tubes inside the water flask resting on the vanity. And before leaving, Coriolanus slipped two more tubes inside the bag that contained Jan’s clothes.

“You took very long at the restroom” Tigris tells her cousin when he came back.

“There was a long line”

…

This time, is different. You smile and you can hear the big round of applauses as you make reverence to go off from stage. You were the last one and the curtains came down finally.

Once you are free, you have all the time in the world to breathe. Other dancers and production staff members congratulate you. But it’s Coriolanus Snow the one who makes you frown confused. He was backstage, looking at you with a soft smile. His classic black suit makes you go back and remember about the Reaping ceremony. How happy that day initiated, and how bad it turned out.

“Coriolanus.” You greet him, he can see a tiny smile on your face.

“You were amazing. As usual, of course”

“Thank you. And for the flowers, they were gorgeous. As usual, of course” he’s so surprised that you were talking to him with some humor sense. Both of you laugh and it feels… warm, and natural.

“It’s nothing. But.. perhaps we could just sit together at dinner?” Your cheeks warmth. You think about your confusing feelings, what your father and Clemensia respectively said. Sitting with him once wouldn’t be the end of the world.

“Yeah, we could.” He smiles, and even when his hair changed, his deeper voice. For some seconds you can see the boy you once loved.

And he almost feels like he was seventeen again. Watching you dance backstage, ready to greet you with a kiss. He sees the girl who helped him so much. And he just know all the horrible things he’d done were worth it.

“I-…” but his words stay lingering in the air. Both of you hear a female scream. Coriolanus and you exchange looks before starting to walk where the sound was heard. In the corridor of the dressing rooms you see a woman lingering to an open door. Immediately you recognize it’s Jan’s room. You quickly make it there, through the pain of your caged foot inside the pointe shoe. Coriolanus goes behind you, already sensing the scene inside.

He hears you gasp in shock, covering your mouth and tears forming on your eyes.

You are in shock, you sob, unable to blink.

Jan is on the floor, pale and blood on his mouth. He’s dead.

And as much as the scene shocks you, you are trained to entertain the Capitol, so you turn to them random woman.

“Go and find Millie. Tell her about this and do keep your mouth shut. Nobody can know beside my parents. Understood?” You indicate the woman with a broken voice. She nods in horror dissapearing through the corridor. When she leaves you can finally cry.

When you don’t know what else to do, you are holding onto Coriolanus Snow. You find comfort on his chest. And he immediately holds you back.

As much as you hate to admit it, you feel you are home in his arms.

With one hand, he closes the door of the dressing room and returns to completely be there to hug you. He smiles, knowing he’s already slowly winning.

Because when your parents find out what happened, they make you put a cute black and green velvet gown with crystals. They make you pretend nothing happened and you sit with Coriolanus and Tigris. Ignoring the upcoming rumors, and certainly not respecting the sudden death of Jan.

…

Two days later, Coriolanus finds you seating on a bench. You are eating a sandwich, looking lost. He takes a seat beside you.

“I’m sorry about Jan. It happened so suddenly” he doesn’t feel sorry. Opposite of what he felt about Sejanus and Lucy Gray. However, he firmly believes it was the only way.

“He was a wonderful man. A devoted dancer, with principales. He had a wife in District 3.” Coriolanus coughs. He wasn’t expecting that. Something twisted inside him, but he still didn’t regret or feel sorry.

“He didn’t seem the type to use narcotics…he must’ve been very stressed out” you add. Oblivious that you are talking with Jan’s murderer.

“Are you sure you are okay?” You roll your eyes sighing.

“No. I’m not okay, Coriolanus. Not since that cursed Reaping ceremony day”

“I’m just trying to be here for you” he admits, and it’s your breaking point.

“WHY DO YOU CARE NOW? YOU FAILED ME WHEN I MOST NEEDED YOU!” He looks around to see if anyone was around. But the place is empty.

“I know I committed many errors but-“

“BUT NOTHING, CORIOLANUS.” You spit out with such anger, that makes him frown.

“You violated the trust, loyalty, respect and love we had for each other. You dissapear after making me have a damn breakdown. Only to go after that nobody girl. And now you appear trying to mend things?” You won’t tell him about his denied petition and what you did. You just want to share all you couldn’t before at his face.

“Do you know how many doctor appointments I’ve had since you left?” He looks down.

“Twelve. And I have to swallow four different pills every day. Only to stay sane. And who’s fault it is? The hunger games, the galas, dancing, Lucy Gray Baird. But specially, you” when he looks up at you again, you are crying.

“If you really want to be here for me, you need to stay away and leave me alone.” You finall state, looking at his blue eyes one last time, before standing from the bench and walking away.

That wasn’t your day. Neither the following ones. Your pointe shoes died and your size was out of stock. The food took such a long time. Your parents left to have an audience in District 1 and your evening was to listen to music and cry.

But certainly what broke you once again was a phone call.

“Hello?” You answer.

“Y/n?”

“Tigris?” You ask. Her voice sounding worried.

“Yes, it’s me.”

“Is everything okay? You sound alarmed, dear” you are able to hear her sighing.

“It’s Grandma’am. She’s sick. Coriolanus is busy at the Univeristy and the doctor I requested hasn’t appeared” your heart beats faster.

“She has a strong fever and it’s been like that for hours.” She adds, finally sounding more worried.

“Tigris, calm down. I’ll call my cousin, he’s one of the most prepared doctors around. I’m going there with you in the meantime” you reassure her, already taking off your nightgown and taking out a dress and coat from your closet.

“Thank you, y/n. I truly appreciate this, thanks you.” You hang up after saying everything was going to be okay.

…

You see how changed is the penthouse. Fully renovated, with bright lights that contrasted the dark blue wallpapers. But you find interesting how the olive paint you brought is still there. And your portrait from the day of your eighteen birthday is still with the family pictures.

You wait outside the room of the elder woman, as your cousin is checking Grandma’am. You have to hold the urge from biting your nails. A maid offers you posca, but you can’t think about drinking at the time.

The front doors opens and seconds later, Coriolanus is there. He seems surprised to see you there. Since the day of your argument, he hadn’t see you. He tried calling you but your butler said you were out for the weekend to your grandparents house.

“Y/n?” He asks, dropping his coat on a chair.

“Tigris called me. She wanted a doctor for your grandmother” he worried a bit.

“Is she not feeling better. When I left she seemed better…” he says hurrying to go to her room, but you stop him, grabbing by his forearm.

“Don’t. My cousin is already there with her. I’m waiting for the results” Coriolanus only stares at you. He wants to smile. You came only to help his family once again.

“You look very lovely” you smirk, looking at his window with your arms crossed.

“Really? Your grandmother is sick and you are here saying how lovely I look today?” He smiles.

“You told me to wait. What else can I do?”

“How cynical of you” you respond coldly. After all you told him, he was acting like it never happened.

The door of the room opened and Tigris came out with your cousin.

He revealed Grandma’am was having a little difficulties in her lungs, which made her prone to catch a flu. He gave her some strong medicines and promised it would be fine with some days of resting.

After some minutes, you are also ready to leave.

You say good night to the Snow cousins and leave.

“Y/n. Wait…” Tigris comes out. Stopping you some feet away of the now working elevator.

“I-… Thank you.” She slowly says hugging you.

“It’s nothing, Tigris. I told Coriolanus once I would always help the people I love” Tigris suddenly feels so sad to hear you say that. She really hoped you and her little cousin had a different ending.

“He still loves you so much.” You fight harder against the tears when she says that.

“I know. And I still love him too. But… he never apologized. And I’m not ready to let go my resentment towards him.” You admit looking away.

“Although things did’t work out for you and Coriolanus, I really appreciate and care for you, y/n” se almost whispers in your ear. And your eyes water.

“I feel the same, Tigris. I really do” you reply slowly, controlling your voice to not sound cracked.

“I’ll come back in some days” she nods.

She lets you go and you finally head out. Not noticing that Coriolanus heard everything.

He never apologized.

That night, you are reading on the living room when your butler walks in.

“Coriolanus Snow is asking for you in the telephone” you thank him, walking bare feet towards the kitchen telephone.

“Yes, Mr. Snow?” You ask.

“I just wanted to thank you for coming today. You didn’t have to and yet you appeared here” you sigh.

“Whatever that happened between us has nothing to do with my relationship with Tigris and your mother” now he sighs, from his office, in complete darkness.

“About that y/n…” your hands go numb, and panic floods you.

“You don’t know how much I’m-“

“I know.” You interrupt him, cracked voice and you hang up.

“Sorry” he says through the dead line.

That night, you read his letters. The ones he sent when he was a peacekeeper at the 12. Where he seemed to have projected his more vulnerable and emotional side of his heart. Maybe he had been drunk, maybe Lucy Gray wrote them for him. You’d never know, and you preferred to ignore the idea of him actually feeling sorry.

…

A week later you’re applauding for Grandma’am as she sings for you. You smile, changing her pillow case and complementing how much of a sweet voice she had.

It’s getting late, and you must return to your house.

After wishing Grandma’am sweet dreams, you carefully close her door and you walk with the old pillow case away.

“Are you staying for dinner?” Tigris asks with a sweet smile, taking the pillow case from you. Coriolanus is seated, drinking something as he carefully looks at you. You ignore him.

“I must decline, dear. I have to go back and pack some things” she frowns, stopping to put some places on the dinning table.

“Pack?”

“Yes. I think I’ll spend the holidays at District 1. My mother is opening a new studio and she’s going to need help. And well, if everything goes right, I might even stay there” Tigris almost drops the pillow case. And Coriolanus almost chokes on his drink.

“What? Why?. What about university? The galas? Your production job for the hunger games” you shrug with an honest smile.

“Lately the Capitol life has... it has been a burden. I want to live a peaceful life. I want to heal” Tigris sends daggers with her eyes to Coriolanus. He coughs, uncomfortable.

“CORIOLANUS!” Grandma’am calls the man. And slowly, he stands up to to the woman. He hears you stay talking with Tigris. And he wants to do something to stop you from leaving. Now he can give you the life he couldn’t before.

“Is everything alright, Grandma’am?” The elder woman looks at him from her bed.

“Are you really letting that young woman to walk away again?” Coriolanus frowns.

“What?”

“You’ve heard me.” Even in her sick days, she was firm.

“She doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore” Grandma’am shrugs.

“I don’t think so. Her eyes shine sadly at every mention of you. She was part of the family after all.” Coriolanus remains quiet. But he admits to himself that’s what he missed the most.

“I think she always waited for an apology. One that never came.” His heart pounds very fast. He tried, and you hung up.

“What do you suggest me to do?” Grandma’am smiles, coughing tiredly.

“You run to wherever she goes and beg on your knees. One time you show her vulnerability and you’ll never do it again”

“You already won the money and respect. You’re just missing out the girl” Coriolanus sweats, but when he turns to look at her grandmother again, she nods, reassuring him.

“Go. Get her back, Coriolanus” without saying anything back, he leaves.

When he enters the dinning room, he only sees two plates of food. He looks at Tigris confused.

“Where’s y/n?” She shrugs, taking a seat.

“She just left.”

Coriolanus runs. He actually runs out of his penthouse and when the elevator starts taking to much time, he decided to choose the stairs as his getaway. He feels sweaty and agitated, but as he goes down, he can’t help but feel slightly happy, the adrenaline of making it on time make him hurry.

“Y/N!” He yells your name once he makes it to the lobby, where he can see you turning back to see him.

You are waiting for Trevor when he appears running towards you.

And before you can even blink or breathe, he gets on his knees.

“Coriolanus Snow. What are you doing?” You ask confused and blushed.

“I’m sorry.” He says.

“I’m sorry about all the stupid things I did. I’m sorry about letting you down. I’m sorry for ruining our relationship. For letting you in that hospital bed and return to do everyhting but apologize to you” you look at him perplexed, not believing his words.

“I can’t lose you again. Because I know you’re the last person I’ll love. I won’t trust anyone else. And nobody would have ever looked down at me like you did when I had nothing” you sigh, feeling the tears coming again. You know he’s not lying. You knew him so well that you sense it.

“If you let me. To give me another chance. I’ll do things right. I will never fail you again in life. You’ll be the only person I’ll cherish and show love.” He offers you his hand, and he looks very suppliant.

You blink quickly to soothe the tears. And you know he doesnt deserve you. But aren’t the best person, so maybe you two were actually meant to be together.and that’s the only viable reason to why you want to let your heart freely beat for him again.

“Please don’t go, y/n” he whispers, waiting for your answer. You sigh, slowly and shaking, but you end up taking his hand.

“You’ll better be the most perfect lover of the history of Panem, then” he wraps your fingers together, and stands up.

“I promise, I swear” he knows the memory of Lucy Gray would always follow him. As well of all the deaths he had caused. But nothing compared to the joy of him kissing you again.

Your lips welcome him in the most sweet way. And he finds himself smiling through the kiss, gently holding you closer to him.

It’s in the start of the Road of Hope in the Capitol where Coriolanus Snow had his fully owned penthouse. Where he had nothing, and now had won everything.

…

Time flies, things had changed, probably for the better. You made Coriolanus keep fighting for a good and healthy relationship. Slowly, he made you completely fall in love again. And although there was certain spark missing, you knew it would never come back. However, you had also accepted that both of you had grown up.

The late talks were mature now. Talking about the future of Panem, planning dinners together. The kisses were more passionate, unlike the softness that was all over your early relationship. The sex was harder rather than slow and sweet like the beginning. Coriolanus would like to leave many hickeys scattered across your body, make a wet mess of saliva and fluids. He loved feelings your almond nails leave gentle scratches across his pale back.

But certainly, the biggest change was the way you two were handling a life together.

After turning twenty, you got married. Soon Coriolanus bought the house he always wished to give you. The one with black and white tiles floor, beige walls and big stairs.

By the first week in, he had done many refurbishments and he had fucked you in every room, every corner and every surface of the house.

Till the day you turned twenty-two. By that time, you had almost ditched your dancing career. Sometimes you still had some chances to perform on galas. But Coriolanus convinced you to focus on public services and the production of the hunger games. Dr. Gaul had officially retired, and it was going to be the first year of Coriolanus as a game maker. Things had really changed.

But everything seemed fine.

“Dear, Are you ready?” You turn to look at your husband, who waits on the frame of the door.

“Just one moment” you run to slip into your silver heels before grabbing your purse.

Trevor kept his job as your chauffeur and Millie was now your private secretary. Sometimes you hated how formal your life had become. Especially now that Coriolanus had some plans in mind.

As soon as you arrive to the fancy patio from a million-dollar man house, many women eye you and Coriolanus.

“Remind me what are we doing here?” You ask him. He holds your hand tightly, smiling at many of the invited people.

“I’m assuming the role of game maker. You are giving a speech about the improvements for the 14th Hunger Games, my dear” you nod, clutching onto his cold hand harder. Both of you were kind of the sensation around the Capitol. You know how they whisper about your dress and your husband’s physic.

“You’re going to be fine. You always choose the right words. And your voice can charm anyone here” he whispers on your ear, pressing a soft kiss on your temple.

“Thank goddess I’ve been studying the constitution. Or else these men would bury me” Coriolanus laughs. Soon you enter the actual event. With long white tables, candles and everyone dressed either on red or black.

“Men around here don’t know how smart my wife is” he says shrugging, remembering how many honors you received from university. Some of the wives ask you to join them. You wave hello to them before leaning to your man.

“Do not make me jealous or leave me alone during the speech.” You firmly say to him.

“Of course not, my love”

“Love you.” And with one last kiss, you walk away.

For the rest of the night. You feel uneasy. Because you succeeded with the speech. But once you read the part from Coriolanus, you are at the verge of babbling.

He shared some of his initial proposals for the games. Like lowering the age of the tributes, increasing the obstacles in the arena, using more mutts, allowing weapons, and making the interviews with Lucky Flickerman longer.

It had been a long time since you think about the games so much. But that guilt you felt after seeing Coriolanus as mentor, never left. And after that dinner, everyone claps for your husband and you, after being considered as the couple of the next generation for Panem.

In the privacy of your new home, you constantly zone out to think about it. You can’t ask Coriolanus to stop the games, but he could make some changes.

You knock swiftly on his door.

“Come in.” You walk in and he drops the papers he was signing to smile at the sight of you.

“Hello, you.” he says cheekily.

“Hello, you’.” You reply. He indicates you to seat on his lap and you do so. His arms lock around you, hands resting on your back.

“Are you coming to bed anytime soon?” You ask.

“I just need to sign some things, darling” he watches you frown, and he won’t say you look older, because you don’t. But you certainly look wiser, mature and more like a woman rather than a girl.

“I’ve been thinking about the games” He’s all ears now. He knows you had some specific opinions. You had said in your first interview how brutal the games were.

“What about them?”

“I would never ask you to stop the games. But…” you stop, suddenly feeling a little nervous.

“But what, my dear?”

“Don’t you think those tributes are humans? Yes, the Districts deserve to be reminded of the consequences of their acts. But most of the tributes are kids. Who don’t even understand everything that conveys a war.” Coriolanus sighs, trying to choose the correct words to answer you.

“What are you suggesting?” He tries to sound calm, but the mere subject makes him a little irritated.

“I don’t know… Maybe giving them more opportunities?” He giggles, caressing the skin on your hips.

“Giving them opportunities means going soft on them. And going soft on them could trigger a new rebellion” this time you sigh, trying to persuade him by brushing his hair, softly grasping his chin.

“Not like that, Coryo. I mean… raising the majority age of the tributes. Giving them at least the chance to train. To eat a proper meal on the last night. To show who they are one last time before they’re sent to die” Coriolanus would always believe that you’re only one weakness was your humanity. How you always turned to see down on others, feeling guilty from being born with all the commodities.

So, he tries to ignore it. He tries to see your suggestions as a way to punish the tributes harder. Give them everything to then killing them.

So, he smiles, urging you to kiss him. You reply immediately, holding him closer to feel the heated proximity.

“I could arrange some changes. Would that make you feel better?” You nod on his lips, smiling.

“Now let me finish this before meeting you in bed. And I expect you have this thing off before I get there” he says grabbing your nightgown. You laugh with a potent blush, gently pushing him away.

“Don’t be silly.”

“I’m not being silly. In two days, we start the tour, we will be very tired to make love daily as we do now” you roll your eyes, almost running away ad your husband laughs, making fun of your embarrassment.

“This is madness. I’m going to bed” you say getting out of his office.

“Don’t forget about what I said!” He yells, making you smile in love as you leave upstairs, wishing good night to the maids and butler. For the record, you do not forget about your husband’s petition.

…

The best part of the house is the rooftop in your opinion. A terrace with cristal walls and ceilings that had a gorgeous view of the Capitol. A view that included some monuments and the snowy mountains surrounding the city.

You had a little bar there, an eccentric dining table and some couches with colorful cushions.

Grandma’am made you take some of his roses so you could start your own garden. That brought tears to your eyes. But now, it was only you and Tigris there.

You asked the chef to make some vegetables and creams as your sister-in-law arrived for dinner. Coriolanus and you were set to leave the next morning for his political campaign tour.

“Have you packed everything?” Tigris asks.

“Yes. I wish I could take Trevor with me. But only Millie will be able to come” you say smiling. Tigris notices how you constantly look at the door, hoping to see Coriolanus entering.

“Have you told him?” You shake your head at the woman.

“Not yet. Probably by the time we arrive District 4. We have good memories from there” Tigris smiles. She was really excited when you got back together with Coriolanus. She even made your wedding dress. And now she was so proud of the career you two were making.

“Sorry for the delay. I was arguing with some incompetent who cancelled the delivery of our new chandeliers” Tigris rolls her eyes as your husband cheekily smiles.

“Dinner isn’t ready yet anyways” you say patting his back as he takes a seat beside you.

“You shouldn’t be stressing over the tour. Your dear wife must’ve prepared the most wonderful speeches for you to say” Coriolanus smiles, turning to give you a peck on the nose, making you laugh.

“It’s not that, Tigris. It’s the time that’s freaking me out. I don’t want to be gone for almost two months.” You sigh, trying to keep everything together. You just pray that the tour goes smoothly.

“Each district will host you with all commodities” it’s a lie. Coriolanus isn’t ready to go to District 12 again. Where his father died, where he committed the worst decisions of his early life. He knows those days will be a little sour. But he’s willing to play pretend very well for you.

“It’s going to be fine. Pardon me, dart” Coriolanus says after seeing your face of over thinking. His wife is so smart that she’s probably wondering the same as him. And that’s the least he needs of.

You take his hand, before hearing the food has arrived. The air changes, the dinner flows happily as you talk and gossip with Tigris and your husband. It’s a great dinner actually.

Maybe he broke your heart when you were teenagers. But you delayed his political campaign for four years. Maybe he had looked too much at Lucy Gray Baird, but at the end it would only be you.

You could’ve done better to get rid of that guilt for participating in the hunger games, but you just realize that maybe you didn’t because you are not a good person either.

Even so, every morning, you wake up in his arms as he fulfilled his promise of never failing you again.

You just hope that the tour, the upcoming games and everything else doesn’t get into your way. Nothing can be a bother. Not when Coriolanus Snow’s first child rests peacefully in your womb.

The future was uncertain. But your past and present along him always seemed like… a hatred road.

_____________________________________________

fyi, in my head, if reader hadn’t delayed Coriolanus political emergence, the second rebellion would’ve started earlier and probably it wouldn’t have been successful. (Basically it would’ve been like a second time “dark days” situation and then back to reconstruction again)

Taglist: @dear-bunnyboo @daydreamerprocrastinator @lecrercsgirlshhs @athanasia-day @devils-blackrose @reader-bookling123 @cookielovesbook-akie @justacaliforniandreamer @m1ndbrand @blairfox04 @darktrashsoulbear @fartybobabutt @diannana @iwantosleep @sarysuniverse @unclecrunkle @f1-futurewag-16-3-4-63 @didneyworld13 @imguce @angelscrime @impeterporker @lem122 @cryaka @ietss @michelleisheres-blog @capsiclesworldsblog @circe143

#coriolanus snow x reader #young coriolanus snow #coriolanus x you #coriolanus x reader #coriolanus fanfiction #corio snow #coriolanus snow #tbosas

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ellievenus · 6 months

Text

Oral HC’s.

Charas: Neuvillette, Wriothesley. (Seperate) x GN!Reader

Warnings: NSFW. MDNI.

A/N: hi im alive. so much has happened to me tbh but im also still sick rn and i just got out of my uni mid terms so, this was a warmup to get back into things. not proofread, hope u guys still like it tho. ill get to reqs when i can.

Neuvillette

He usually likes to be the one pleasuring you, the way you react to his body, the way you shake and cry is so fascinating to watch. He doesn’t mind when you want to suck him off though, not at all.

He loves just sinking into the soft, expensive sheets while he feels like his dick is melting inside your mouth. Your tongue dancing around it, the warm sensation of your mouth burning into his cold sensitive skin, the way you look up at him with your pretty eyes— it’s usually too much and he actually cums the fastest when you’re sucking him off.

Won’t pull on your hair or thrust without asking first, ever. The last thing he wants to do is make this painful for you, even if you like it, he’ll ask for permission with a “May I, love?” and how can you say no to that?

When you first went to his office while he was overworking himself once again and leaving you all alone for hours, you tell him that you know just the way to destress. He first thinks of cakes with a side of tea but you brush the idea off with a chuckle, get under his table and between his thighs. Playing with his zipper, pulling on it your teeth. “May I, love?” You ask, watching him blush a little and sink into his chair, “You may…” he breathes out. No matter how professional he loves to be in ‘working hours’ you’re just irresistible to him.

Wriothesley

Oh he loves it. He’s a guy that gets hard and dripping from sucking you off/eating you out and he loves it when you return the favour. Just tell him, doesn't really matter where as long as privacy can be arranged. Those legs will be parted for you as soon as you want.

As I just said, he just likes pleasuring you more orally. You’re stressed? Lay down and let him work his tongue on you. Oh and, he knows how to work it and he knows it. He’s an experienced man in both ways, so whatever you have, he’ll have your legs shaking and your fingers gripping his hair in no time.

He also loves to work his shaft to the sound of your moans and your taste, it’s just his favourite fucking thing ever. The way you moan and writhe just because of his tongue while pushing his head even further down into you? Heaven. Nothing comes close for him.

Don’t think his fingers only work on his own dick though, he’ll work both his tongue and fingers on you most of the time. Loves the way you squeeze around his fingers while cum drips from your already overstimulated sex. He’ll also make sure to kiss you afterwards, making you taste your own cum. He thinks it's hot, you should also see how good you taste so you’ll stop complaining about how he keeps going even after you’ve come already. Your taste is addicting, dangerous really. You got him wrapped around your finger.

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin x reader #genshin impact x gender neutral reader #genshin smut #genshin impact neuvillette x reader #gi neuvillette #genshin impact neuvillette #neuvillette x y/n #neuvillette x reader #neuvilette x reader #neuvilette x you #wriothesley x reader #wriothesley #wriothesley x you #genshin impact wriothesley #gi wriothesley

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blue-jisungs · 5 months

Note

AXIEIEEE hi this is a req ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ btw im on my way home to rec in my dreams rn!! anywayy i am SUCH a strong believer that jeonghan babies u no matter what or when. even in front of his members n theyre js like erm get a room? u cld literally say "hannie i made the bed" n he'd be all "omg my baby made the bed youre so cute" n then he kisses u ... do with this idea ish what u will!!! i believe in u cuz youre so good at writinf (btw your pinned says reqs are open but if they arent actually pleasee ignore this 😭)

proud

author's note. hi roxie meloved!! i hope u like ths one hehe, thank u for reqing <33 and again, good luck w exams if u have any more upcoming and im proud of u nevertheless the score!!!

word count. ~750

jeonghan is a devil in the disguise of an angel, everyone knows that. even carats adore his mischievous personality and tricks that he pulls on his members.

but the thing is that behind closed door, he truly is an angel. for you and only you.

“baby, do you want some coffee?” jeonghan asked, looking over his shoulder at you. his bare face was glowing, dark hair tucked behind his ear. he even let you put a hello kitty clip to keep them in one place. he was met with seungcheol’s teases but he ignored them.

“yes, please” you replied, eyes laser focused on the jenga tower in front of you.

it was 10 in the morning and you woke up like an hour ago from the sleepover you had with him and cheol. because they couldn’t join their members on tour, you decided to bless them with your amazing self.

“make me one too” cheol hummed and slowly but surely pulled out a wooden block.

now who jeonghan was to follow his leader’s orders?

you caught his cat-alike smirk painting on his lips and sighed.

“hannie, don’t be mean. make him a coffee too” you said, voice gentle. seungcheol looked at him confused, lips forming into a pout.

“listen to your partner…” he grunted and shook his head, adding more quietly underneath his breath “…if you don’t listen to me, listen to them at least”

couple of minutes later he joined you with three steaming cups. with your preferred coffee in your favorite mug and a simple one for seungcheol, even though he wasn’t a fan of plain black coffee. the oldest ignored that, just rolling his eyes.

you joined jeonghan to watch the boys practice, yet you two were slumped over the couch there.

in no time jeonghan began playing with your hair, fingers gently caressing through your h/c locks.

mingyu glared at you two curiously, nudging hoshi. the younger one grinned, heart melting upon the cute act of love blooming between you two.

jeonghan grabbed your face, cupping your cheeks and cooing at you.

“you’re so adorable, baby” he hummed and pecked your lips.

“but hannie, the boys–” you grunted through your squeezed cheeks. he just chuckled, mischievously smiling.

“i don’t care~” your boyfriend sing-sang happily “you’re my baby~”

placing another kiss on your lips, he hummed into it like a pleased cat that’s getting belly rubs.

“ew, get a room!” hoshi yelled, drawing a laugh from other members.

your cheeks turned beetroot red as you smacked jeonghan’s arm. he just shrugged and linked pinkies with you, playful smirk dancing on his features.

if jeonghan could, he’d give you the world, the stars, everything in this universe and back. and seeing you struggle or in pain was the last thing he wanted. but he knew that there are some things that you have to go through by yourself, like your finals.

“i could dress up as you and pretend i’m you!” your boyfriend teased one day when you clearly needed support, head almost blowing with the amount of knowledge you have to obtain.

so in times like this, when you’d spend nights studying and struggling with life, jeonghan knew that you need him. and that every thing, even a small one can be challenging.

“hannie, i made the bed today. i used a new–“ you started when he entered the bedroom. his eyes instantly went wide as jeonghan threw himself on the fresh sheets.

“ah, it smells so good!” he took a deep breath and hummed in delight. patting the spot next to him, he sent you a reassuring smile.

so you joined him, his arm almost instinctively wrapping around yours.

“my baby made the bed, good job” jeonghan smiled tenderly, brushing the strand hairs out of your face. you smiled, looking at his soft features “i’m proud, really. we’ll sleep comfortably tonight, hm?”

you nodded and turned, wrapping your arms around his waist and clinging onto your boyfriend like a koala.

“i’m tired” you mumbled quietly.

“i know, pretty. just a few moments more and you’ll rest. you’re so smart, you know? i believe in you” jeonghan kept reassuring you, his tender touch ghosting over your face “my cute baby, hm? no matter how you do on the exam, i’m proud of the effort you put in”

you smiled, inhaling the scent of fresh sheets and jeonghan’s cologne.

“my cutie…” he singsang and started lulling you to sleep with his angelic voice. not like you complained, you could use a nap either way.

masterlist <3

taglist. @mirxzii ,, @primoppang ,, @l3visbby ,, @nicholasluvbot ,, @planetkiimchi ,, @weird-bookworm ,, @slytherinshua ,, @kazmura ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @dazzlingligth ,, @eternalgyu

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spncvr · 2 months

Note

could you write something with spencer and childhood bestfriedn to lovers?? haven't seen you write angst! but ik it'll be good 🤣❤️

glorious | s. reid

summary: leaving spencer isn't easy

pairing: spencer reid x reader

warnings: angst? and, again, english isnt my first languageLMAO its also too late to be writing so i hope this makes sense

a/n: IVE BEEN WAAAIIITTTINGGG FOR ANGST REQS this is so bad thp girl (gender neutral) im sorry i didn't do u justice

masterlist

YOU LOVE THE darkness.

There, you feel as though you hold the entire world in your grasp. The light, however, falters under your grasp, almost as if it’s causing itself pain by being in between your fingers. You can’t help but think that it’s almost like yourself, loud and bold (maybe, you think humorously, that’s why you’re not particularly fond of it). The light is chaotic, boisterous, and overwhelming, and it burns out your mind and soul.

The dark is a contrast to the light in every way. It is solitary, silent, and careful in its movements against your skin. You feel a sense of power amidst it, as though you can control it with the mere flick of your wrist. The darkness brings a sense of contentment to you, as if you belong there, among its shadows and stillness. You revel in the power and peace that the darkness brings you, and for a moment, everything feels just right.

The wind dances around you, a melodic tune that you can never quite decipher. It hums on your cheek and creates an illusion of harmony in the bustling city that you know isn’t really there. It is akin to light, even in the darkness. Everyone is constantly bumping into someone, everyone’s always got somewhere to be. Because the city lives and breathes in constant distress; so much so that nobody seems to notice how the sky shifts from a light blue to a tranquil orange and then to darkness, even if the city never truly gets dark. There are always lights, stars, and the sounds of nightlife and parties that can last until dawn. Despite your disdain for the city and the way it makes you feel, you can’t help but smile as you study it from afar. Perhaps it’s the allure of the city’s chaos that keeps you here, or maybe it’s the thought of what you could make of yourself in the midst of it all—but that didn’t matter, not anymore.

You’ve always promised yourself when you were younger that you’d leave.

One day, you had whispered to yourself in the darkness, when you were six, your favourite stuffed animal tightly tucked between your arms, one day, we’ll go away. You can’t remember whatever caused you to tell yourself this at such a young age. You think it was probably something silly—a classmate’s admonition that some activities were simply reserved for boys. Or maybe it was because your parents had refused to let you get ice cream after you’d finished all of your green vegetables (all that suffering for nothing, really). But the mindset had continued to stick in your mind; an ember of determination that refused to fade away.

One day, you say again, when you’re thirteen because your teacher had failed you in your first ever physics exam, one day this won’t matter. We’ll go. We’ll leave. You say it so firmly and so surely that it scares you sometimes. Because, really, you’ve never been anywhere but here—so you ask yourself: What if it’s just the same? What if it’s just as bad?

One day, you say again, when you’re seventeen because you have been looking at universities far off and away from your city far away from the constant distress it emits. You’d stare at the campus pictures on the website and study the student’s bright wide smiles, and sometimes, you’d picture yourself in those hallways, with a group of new friends—you’d be the smart, and the witty one. You’d laugh a little harder, and smile a little brighter. One day, We’ll be there. Anytime soon.

“What are you smiling about?” his voice pulls you out of your small reverie. He looks good in the darkness. Specifically this kind of darkness, one that isn’t just quite completely dark. You find that kind of darkness here, where you could see the entire city live and breathe, where you could see some underlying beauty within the city.

You offer a meek shrug, eyes never leaving the city, “It just— feels so real now, no?”

He rests his chin on one of his bent knees, sighing. “It’s always been real. You’ve wanted to leave this city forever.”

“Well,” you exhale, “I didn’t expect to leave so soon. I always thought maybe I’d stay in this city a little longer. I don’t know.”

“With me?”

You frown at him slightly at the question. “Yes. Yes, of course.”

“For me?”

The question is cruel. You don’t need him to make you question yourself because you have spent your entire life yearning for nothing more than to go and leave. You hate him for it, kind of. Because really, what did he expect you to do? Stop everything, and stay with him; for him? I’ve got dreams too, damn it, you want to yell at him, scream at him, I’ve spent my entire life hating nothing more than the god-damn fucking city, and you’re here to mess all of it up. “For me?” Yes. Yes FOR you. Everything’s FOR you!

You can’t dispute the truth, though. Yes, you’d stay with him. For him. Whatever.

Yet as you sit with him by your side and gaze out over the city, you suddenly realise —almost as if you had never thought about it before—that leaving this city meant leaving him as well. The very notion of leaving him felt so alien to your mind. Somehow, you had subconsciously imagined that you’d be going away with him —it’s always been one day we’ll leave, we’ll go— besides, you’ve always known Spencer. In a way, he was like… God, you can’t even say it. You just needed to leave. You can’t look at him when you answer a soft: “Yes. Yes, for you.”

i have like a pt. 2 of this but i hate it so heres a cliff hanger LMAOAIOSVUSBD

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strwberri-milk · 2 months

Note

incubus Lads boys where mc starts falling in love with them on accident 🔞🤭😫

HMM im seeing this as??? like. l&ds beginning a sexual relationship only to satisfy their incubus desires and mc falling in love w them thereby breaking their friends w benefits situation but also. its so sweet if both of them are in love and i kinda did that bc if i didnt itd be too angsty and i just like happiness ;-; - also pls mind the growing pains theres a reason why rafayels the only well levelled chara in my account <33 so uhh theres more mutual pining bc they both fell in love by accident :(

He was very clear about the relationship that the two of you would enter. You want companionship and he has a need that has to be fulfilled. It didn't matter that the reason why he asked you and you specifically was because he already knew that there could be nobody else. You are absolutely perfect for him in every way that matters - from the way you fit in his arms to the pretty way his name sounds on your lips.

Zayne did his best to keep things professional. He was sure to meet you on your terms, even if it felt like he was starving for your touch. He already felt awful about needing you as badly and as frequently as he does and asking to have you when he needs you feels like a line he just refuses to cross.

You on the other hand found yourself wanting to do just that. You had no idea if it was because of his nature as an incubus or if it was the slow growing of your feelings for him that made you want to see him again and again no matter how little time has passed. You wanted more than anything to be as detached as he was, not wanting to make things difficult.

It didn't matter though. You lay there catching your breath, watching as he dresses again after another night. Your eyes lightly dance over the way his suit slips over his strong arms, face barely flush as though the two of you had done nothing more than catch up over a cup of coffee. He doesn't say much - he's never been one to talk too much in your presence regardless - but when he looks at you you feel your heart stop.

You don't even realise that you're reaching out to him until you feel his lips press against your fingertips. Your eyes are wide, unsure what the gesture itself meant. You didn't want to get your hopes up of course, but when he presses his lips against your forehead in a show of affection before leaving you allow yourself a moment of limerence.

Xavier has a tendency to forget that he has other needs until he sees you've texted him or a photo of you that pops up on his phone as a reminder that besides the friendship you two have, there's another level to your agreements.

He found himself always being gentler with you than you might want him to be. It didn't matter how you'd ask him or if you tried to convince him that you can handle it - a part of him was terrified that he'd lose you if he misjudged your passions and worked you too hard.

You sigh breathlessly as he presses another kiss to your throat, feeling the weight of his body as he presses himself closer in the throes of pleasure. He feels amazing as always and the rush of energy he gets from your pleasure is already something addictive. He knows he can't be without you now that he's had you and he known that for quite a while.

He turns back around partway through getting dressed, thinking you were trying to tell him something. You've always been sluggish after have sex, playfully teasing him and blaming him for sapping too much of your energy. He watches carefully to see if you'll say anything else, softening even more when you reach out for him.

You know that you need him here with you right now, fully aware this whole time that you loved him more than you are ever allowed to. That didn't seem like something you could ever entertain but here in your pleasure addled fatigue all you could think about was the need to feel your arms around him as he held you to sleep.

The bed felt warmer in the morning and you're absolutely certain you weren't wearing these clothes last night. You're not sure if you're just imagining the smell of his cologne in your sheets but you bury yourself in them regardless, quickly falling back asleep with dreams of him.

Rafayel was fun - that's how you saw it. The two of you practically fell into bed once you came to an agreement of terms and your relationship made it easy for you to trust him. He made you feel good and perhaps it was just in his nature but he was just always so romantic. He's an artist so perhaps that was just your imagination but his absolutely needy nature for your attention always spilled into bed.

You can barely breathe when he's got his lips on yours again, stealing your breath despite not needing it. You willingly give it to him as you always will, knowing that the way you held him was not just to ground yourself but borne out of a visceral need that eclipsed whatever kinds he has. He holds you just as tightly, reassuring words whispered into your ear.

You couldn't help but fall in love with him. You adored him more than you could ever fathom, staring up into the glass panes of his ceiling as you willed yourself to get up and get dressed. He was already up and about, well energised from your efforts and you tried your best to will back the fear of being nothing more than an agreement for him.

He sees your hesitation and you can hear him pause at the head of the bed, raising his brow as you turn to face him. You're not sure what he sees when he looks at you, unaware that he would be pleased to do nothing more than admire you until the day he died. The two of you don't notice how much time passes, scarcely moving a muscle until he reaches out and cups your cheek affectionately.

#love and deepspace #love and deepspace x reader #rafayel x reader #xavier x reader #zayne x reader #zayne love and deepspace #love and deepspace zayne #rafayel love and deepspace #xavier love and deepspace #l&ds

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roanniom · 10 months

Note

hi beautiful 😍 thank you for answering my last ask. <3

im having a super bad day at work and desperately just want to go home to have a nice bubble bath and a good cry, and was wondering if you maybe had time to write a baby blurb about reader and eddie having a bath together?

if you can’t that’s totally fine ❤️ ❤️

Bubbles

Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Eddie knows the signs very well at this point. When you walked into your shared apartment with a deep frown on your face and little more than a half hearted hello, he’d immediately walked into the bathroom. You hadn’t even noticed since you were busy sitting numb in front of the tv barely watching whatever horror movie he’d been watching before you’d walked in.

You aren’t pulled out of your daze until you hear Eddie’s voice softly calling to you. Walking into the bathroom, you melt at the sight of your boyfriend leaning against the sink counter holding a glass of wine out to you, the tub full of light pink bubbles. The room is washed in a warm glow from your favorite scented candle lit in the corner.

“Oh Eddie…” Your voice cracks, but Eddie’s having none of it. This is supposed to make you feel better, so he hushes you, places the glass down and begins to help you strip off your work clothes.

“Have a relaxing soak, baby, and I’ll go order that takeout you like,” he says gently after unbuttoning your blouse and dropping it on the counter. He pulls your bra straps down and kisses the marks the restrictive garment left behind after your long day.

“Stay with me,” you speak up, though you sound quiet. You turn in his arms and tug at his shirt to try and get him to undress.

“But this is just for you,” Eddie tries to protest. However, you manhandle him with more energy than you’d seemed capable of at the moment, rendering him equally naked in a moment.

“I’d rather you with me. Can you?” you plead. And Eddie doesn’t deny you. Because Eddie could never deny you anything you ask.

He helps you step into the warm water, stepping in carefully after you and settling down so you can rest your back against his chest. His arms wind around you under the bubbles. Comforting and all encompassing in a way that makes the pain and weight of your day positively melt away.

You take a sip of the wine he’d grabbed again before you both had gotten in.

“Mmmm,” you hum. Eddie chuckles and places a wet kiss to the side of your neck.

“Is the wine good?”

“No, the man,” you respond. Eddie gasps.

“There’s a man? Here in Spa Munson?” he says in a stage whisper, clutching at you while you giggle. “I must report this to management.”

“Shut up, Eds.”

“Whatever my lady requests.” You can hear the smile in his voice. A few moments of comfortable silence pass. You watch shadows dance on the ceiling while the candle flame flickers. Eddie lathers your loofah with your favorite soap and slowly, gently massages you clean. All of your senses feel full.

“Thank you,” you finally say into the quiet. Eddie responds by lifting your hand out of the water and placing a kiss on your palm. It makes your heart hurt.

“You always know exactly how to make me feel better,” you continue. Eddie kisses your shoulder then and you realizes he’s making good on his promise to follow your orders of shutting up. You scoff, but keep going.

“You’re the best boyfriend I could ever ask for.”

A kiss to the side of your neck. His arms wind tight around your waist, pressing you even further against his body. The body that holds you up when times are hard. The body that weighs you down when he tackles you with tickles. The body that presses you into the mattress each time it spells out it’s love for you with your own.

“I don’t even come near to deserving you,” you add on. Now it’s Eddie’s turn to scoff.

“Take that back—,”

“Gotchya talking,” you say with a laugh. Eddie brings a hand up, dripping from the water, and grabs your chin, turning you so he can capture your lips with his.

There’s no more talking to be done for either of you.

~*~

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Hope this helped, lovely!

#anon #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #Eddie Munson fluff #Eddie Munson Drabble #Eddie Munson blurb #Eddie Munson thots

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silverzoomies · 6 months

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Politely requesting “he’s so…” for Jimmy Darling and James March, please and thank you.

💙 nsfw ahead !! pretty filthy, just a warning !! 💙

"he's so" headcanons under the cut. so im not crowding up anyone's dash with my bullshit !! these might be wayyyy off,, pleasse do not trust my judgement at all. also, liz, i adore you just fyi ty !!

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

💙 james march is so... 💙

he's so watches you at a distance solely with the intent to kill. bloodthirsty af. starts to notice how much of an innocent, little thing you are. you heart is purer than his could ever be in a thousand lifetimes. he keeps his distance for some time, but then you start to notice him. maybe he'll try and dance with you, so close you can feel his breath on your skin. listening to oldies you've never heard a day in your life. but he knows every lyric. every note. every beat. you can smell cigarette smoke on him. he reeks of it. along with...something else. but you'll never be able to place it. you can't seem to figure out why he's so ghostly pale. or why he gazes at you with a pitch black, void-like coldness in his eyes. He lures you in with promises of romance. tempting you into intimate, love making sessions. he'll ruin your perception of men forever. because no other man could treat you with such careful, sultry attention as he does. there's something almost...sinister about the way he touches you. his cold hands feel for your pulse points. making note of the jumps in your heartbeat. he touches your body, squeezing the muscles hiding beneath your delicate skin. you won't know it, but he's thinking about how aesthetically beautiful you must be on the inside. literally. he's thinking your innards are probably lovely. when you're finally together as one, his length moves with slow elegance inside you. drawing out your pleasurable suffering for as long as possible. he'll overstimulate you until you're sobbing. until you beg him to stop. but he won't. he'll grab your jugular and make you see white. in the end, you won't survive. your death will be gruesome and painful. someday, he'll regret having killed you.

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

💙jimmy darling is so...💙

he's so diner date with a shared milkshake. orders whatever flavor you like. he has eyes like black cocoa. and, honey, they're lookin' you up and down every few minutes. he flirts nonstop. finds any and every excuse to touch you. patting you on the shoulder. guiding you along with a big hand on your back. grazing gloved knuckles over your arm mid conversation. he's pretty forward. unapologetically so. once he finally has you one-on-one, he tries to take things a little further. isn't afraid to be direct. but - ah...the two of you keep gettin' interrupted. he'll be leaning in for a smooch, a hand on your hip; but someone walks in. maybe it's eve, askin' his assistance settin' up new banners. sometimes, you find him stumbling around, drunk off his ass. it breaks your heart how often it happens. but he's so horny about it. says a lot of raunchy shit to you when he's completely smashed. it makes you blush. when he's hungover, he's grumpy as hell. his frustration'll slip in little ways, but he apologizes once he's sobered up. overall, he's real sweet on you. very sweet. even gets a little bashful once you're finally making out. he tastes like the booze he drinks on the daily. he'll get really handsy. and his hands are so, so massive and warm. they grab you hard, focusing careful attention to the squishy parts of you he loves so much. would take his time in bed with you. eases himself in slow, with consideration for your comfort. even though every instinct in him wants to stuff you so full so fast, you'll be aching for weeks. gets vocal, calls you little petnames. fixates mostly on your pleasure because that's what he's used to doin'. he doesn't expect you to focus too hard on his needs. but when you do, he's pleasantly surprised. cums a little sooner than he meant to. he'll lie with you afterwards. daydreams about stealing you away. maybe he'll run off you with you. make you his little housewife. but nah. he can't do that. his family needs him. he wonders if you'd be willing to stick around.

#james patrick march x you #james patrick march x y/n #james patrick march x reader #ahs headcanons #jimmy darling x you #jimmy darling x reader #jimmy darling x y/n

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spaceycowboys · 2 years

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Oh yeeessss Aemond and his smart girl fighting like that. Consider: she makes him jealous because she wants to get fucked like that, and he knows but can't help himself. So not only is Aemond being extra mean because he's jealous, but he's also taunting her about how he knew this was her plan. How even when she's not being fucked silly, he's still just one step ahead of her. And every time she tries to argue no, it's not like that, he fucks her just a little harder or does something that makes her lose her mind mid-sentence

And oh yeah, it'd be enemies to lovers for Aegon. Aegon thinks she's too smart for him and probably belongs with someone like Aemond who can keep up with her, and he hates it. He especially hates it when her friends imply he's too dumb for her. He's gonna talk down to her as he ruins her, even mocking her some when she struggles to be coherent. Absolutely loses it if she manages an "only for you" at some point. Don't imagine him not hearing at first so he leans in with a "Aaawww, I don't think I heard you" and then gets that response

💄

inserting a read more for smut purposes.

tw: mentions of creampie, dumbification, jealousy, mindbreak (? just incase), lil slut shaming (not in a mean way), i got carried away and gave aegon a daddy kink (im sorry-), also implied sugar daddy aegon

omg no yes because

aemond, while very comfortable and trusting in their relationship is still very, very insecure due to his eyes. not that his sweet, smart girl would EVER do anything to pick at him over his eye or give him any reason to feel as if he is ANY less than enough for her just because he can’t see out of one eye. however, he is easily jealous due to his disability. anyone that looks at her too long is an immediate red flag and he is averting her away from them. her, he trusts. it’s other people that he doesn’t trust. now in my head aemond is two or three years older than her, but they met due to being in some of the same classes, she is stupid smart and in all the upper levels early, on fast track for early graduation, all that jazz. aemond’s done all the partying he wants to do, but he can’t just say no to her when she’s got her lips pouted and eyes all wide, pleading with him to go with her to some stupid party. he goes and stands in the corner while she dances with her girlfriends, and then some guy that he briefly recognizes walks up and stands too close to her, leans in a little too close to her, she doesn’t push him away either. aemond knows what she’s doing, and he won’t admit but it’s working. he drags her back to his place, so he doesn’t have to deal with her stupid roommate, stripping her and working her up really quick before he just starts running his mouth, punctuating every thrust with taunts dipped in honey. telling her he can’t believe she would go to such extremes to make him so jealous, how he knew what she was doing and asking her if she’s stupid enough to think he’d get jealous over that guy. all she can manage is gaspy moans, her mind unable to keep up with his words as his cock repeatedly drills into her cervix in a borderline painful manner. eventually she just begins nodding on with everything he’s saying, and continuously telling him that she’s his stupid slut and she loves him so much. he really likes it when the only words she can manage are whiney little aemond’s and i love you i love you i love you’s.

poor aegon is literally so insecure :(. i imagine this one being another age gap, a bit bigger, fourish years, they met because she was interning at his dad’s company where he “works” (he won’t admit it but it was love at first site for him) so not only is she stupid smart but she’s that much younger than him and stupid smart. she’s just so fucking smart and all her stupid friends are so fucking smart. he really isn’t even sure why she’s with him but he’s too scared to ask her. her friends never hesitate to make little fucking jabs at him though, they can be pretty fucking mean. and he isn’t a bitch, and he definitely dishes it back, but their words still bother him. one night after too many bad jokes using him as the punchline, he really just snaps. sinking into her the second he gets her panties pulled down right at the front door. telling her that she’s his baby, and she is. he babies the fuck out of her in and out of bed, a big giver as long as he gets praise in return (i digress i just want this man as a sugar daddy). anyway so he’s talking down at her, telling her that she’s his stupid little baby, and that she can’t do anything without him, let alone get off. sometimes when he gets like this after the taunting of her friends, he holds her a little closer while he fucks her, asking who the fuck she belongs to while his cock hits her g-spot and pelvis rubs against her clit, knowing she can’t understand what he’s saying, let alone form a coherent sentence. absolutely looses it when she whines out breathy little yours, yours, yours. he nuts on the spot when he says what was that baby, i don’t think i heard you? and the moan he gets back is yours, daddy.

#aegon ii x reader #aegon ii targaryen x reader #aegon smut #aemond x reader #aemond targaryen imagine #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond smut #hotd smut #modern aegon ii #modern aemond #modern house of the dragon au #modern hotd #modern hotd au #hotd x reader #💄anon

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breezybangtanbebe · 5 months

Text

God Damn : Changkyun❤️‍🔥

A/N: (i wrote this like over a year ago and never edited it🙃) Changkyun x reader (1st person), toxic breakup, drinking, angst, raw sex, rough sex. Emotional and smutty...I apologize in advance. 🌚

6.6k words

"I'm really worried about him."

"He hasn't been himself since you left..."

"He's so lost without you..."

"He's not responding to any of us and we can't find him..."

"Please Mira.....you're the only one who knows him like us..maybe even better than us. He'll talk to you."

That last text from Kihyun was the hardest one to ignore because it was true.

I did know Changkyun better than his friends and that was one of the reasons why I left him in the first place.

I was done with him and this fucking city, already packed and in a hotel until the day of my flight came. This place held too many memories for me to remain here after our separation some months ago and the wounds were too fresh to risk the temptation to go back.

It hurts but I can't keep living like this.

Neither can he.

I knew I would find him here though.

He was such a creature of habit that it annoyed me that his friends wouldn't think to look here first.

It never fails.

He was always so easy to predict and sometimes I wish he'd prove me wrong.

Just once.

Maybe this is a setup.

Hmm...

The smoke was thick and blinding in the crowded basement and the bass shook the walls as I descended from the final step. The rain and thunder outside were drowned out immediately by the music and I have to squint my eyes to see through the haze as I stepped through it.

It was a typical Saturday night and the mutual acquaintance and owner of the house was hosting one of his usual boozed-up functions that I admittedly used to look forward to. But we all have to grow up sometime.

I moved through the swaying crowd of people too drunk and high to care about making way for the angry curly-headed brunette searching the crowd. All of them were lost in the rhythm of the music.

And whatever else they were on...

I hoped he would be among the many in the small sea of stoners. Make my life easy just once would you, Im Changkyun.

Fucking pain in my ass.

Eventually, I made my way to the furthest corner of the party which was illuminated by beaming red LEDs. Several booths lined the back wall where a single light bulb glowed above each table. All of them were littered with paraphernalia, hookahs, empty liquor bottles, and ashtrays filled to the brim with roaches (not the bugs) and cigarette butts. The stink of smoke was even more potent here since it was the source and it burned my eyes the closer I got.

That's when I saw him.

I know it was him immediately by the sway of his long unkept hair hanging in his face. His black leather jacket is draped behind him and the bulge of his tattooed bicep flexes beneath his loose white v-neck tee. He sat with his head down, his elbows resting on the table and his hands running through his hair.

He's alone. Thankfully. Or else this would have been thrice as awkward. It was at that moment that I questioned my intentions as I lingered a few feet away.

Why am I here?

I should just call one of his friends and tell them he's here.

Jooheon would be happy to pull up with Hosoek more than likely to take over.

Kihyun would march straight up to him and yank him up by his collar.

Minhyuk would most likely do something similar after cussing him out for worrying everyone.

Hyunwoo would sit and talk some sense into him, convince him to pull himself out of this ditch he'd buried himself in.

Hyungwon would drink with him for a little before convincing him to quit and go home.

They were his friends. They should be the ones to handle him in his ruins. Not me.

I should just call one of them.

I should walk away now.

I should...

I'm about to step back into the darkness of the dance floor but suddenly go stiff when Changkyun lifts his head and for the first time in what feels like forever I see his face.

He seems thinner, his jawline sharper than I remember, and there is a red smudge staining the corning of his bottom lip. That's when I noticed the redness on his knuckles.

The scrapes, bruises, and scars.

What had he done to himself after we went our separate ways? Drinking himself into a stooper aside. What demons had he been battling that I couldn't bear witnessing any longer?

Without thinking about it anymore, I approached him with a fast beating and heavy heart. I'm gonna get him out of here and be done.

For good.

I stand beside where he's seated and wait for him to notice me, hoping he isn't too far gone in the glass of what I presumed to be some form of cognac with no ice.

It only takes a few seconds for Changkyun to lift his head to look up at me with blank eyes. It's as if I was just some random girl blocking the light. But after a few seconds of exaggeratedly slow blinking, his expression changes from indifference to annoyance.

"Amira?" I catch on his lips. Changkyun looks me up and down, studying me in my jeans and coat before lazily locking eyes with me again.

"I'm here to take you home." I raise my voice and the look of irony on my ex's face gives me pause.

"Home...." He slurs with a tsk as he drags his eyes back down to the swirling liquor in his glass.

I furrow my brow at him but choose to dismiss the look of disgust on his face.

"Get up," I say with more urgency, not even bothering to raise my voice. Changkyun scoffs lightly before picking up the short-cut glass set before him on the table.

My face hardened as he ignored me to take a sip of the amber substance, his Adams Apple bobbing as he swallowed.

"I am home so.......Fuck off...." He mumbles, gesturing towards the glass as he sucks in another sip.

He was so stubborn when was drunk.

Definitely NOT going to miss that.

Losing my patience, I reach for the glass before he can take another sip and Changkyun's lightning reflexes seem well intact judging by how quickly he moved the cup from my reach. But in the process, he also underestimates the strength of his grip and the small glass shatters in his grasp.

Broken shards fall over the tabletop, spilling the alcohol all over its surface. No one around reacts to the scene though, leaving only me to witness the frustration in Changkyun's expression.

"God dammit..." I hear him huff and my eyes go wide at the steady stream of blood tricking from his palm. He doesn't seem to notice it though and is staggering to his feet like a drone. I already knew what he was after, a drink to replace that one and I wasn't having it.

"No," I say as I grabbed him by the wrist. Changkyun looks down at my hand then at me and scoffs.

"What are you doing?" He furrows his brow with an arrogant smirk.

"You can barely walk. No more drinking. Let's go." I yell over the music.

"Go home, Mira..."

"I'm not leaving here without you!"

"For fucks sake..."

Changkyun drunkenly scoffs at me again before snatching out of my grasp. I quickly grab his other and it turns into an obnoxious game of snatch and grab on the dance floor.

If I weren't so annoyed and pissed, I would be embarrassed at how childish we must have looked. Standing there playing tug of war with each other. Of course, I was no match for Changkyun's strength but I was sober. This meant my reaction time reflexes and persistence were bound to have him relenting to my will eventually.

It took some convincing and a bit of manhandling on my end to get Changkyun to leave the basement. Thankfully, there seems to be a break in the storm and I glance up at the sky with relief.

At least we wouldn't have to walk in the rain on top of me dragging this drunk ass.

My mood plummets once we reach the sidewalk. Because the moment we're outside and the humid air hits him, I flinch at how Changkyun suddenly moves out of my reach to double over a random trash can.

Ugh.

I rolled my eyes even harder as he wretched into the metal bin, resisting the urge to go to him. To rub his back and stroke his hair. To comfort him through the inevitable.

I don't though.

That wasn't my job anymore.

We stumble up the sidewalk for a few blocks until we reach his apartment building and I get him inside using the code I'd memorized from frequent use over the years. It was now pouring again and we were drenched by the time we stepped inside the building's lobby.

I get him inside and shiver at the chilling temperature from the doorway. As if being soaked to the bone with rainwater wasn't enough. It seemed as though just to vex me, my thoughtless drunk of an ex kept his heat off all day.

"Ugh..." I exhale again. Standing here cussing him in my mind wouldn't get us warm so with me supporting most of his weight, we enter.

A trail of wet shoes and outerwear lay abandoned by the front door and the hum of the heat filling the old vents of his apartment swirl around us as I sat in the living room.

I kept his lights dim and left the TV off as I listened to the rain pattering against the windows.

Changkyun snored softly in the spot I allowed him to plop down on the couch and he'd fallen asleep immediately, his hair and shirt still damp, leaving me on the armchair opposite of him.

There Amira. The job was done.

You can leave now.

Leave him and all of this torment behind you.

I said that to myself as I rose to my feet. Changkyun remained still and sleeping with his face mushed against the cushion, his wet hair fanned out over his head.

Why did he have to be so cute AND such a disaster all at once?

Lightning strikes, spooking me to sit back down on the indented sofa. Then another chill ran over my body despite the warming air, reminding me of the weather I'd be facing again once I stepped outside.

An Uber or cab would cost a bit.

And the metro station was too far to walk to in the rain.

Perhaps I should have thought this through, instead of allowing Kihyun's worrisome ass to convince me to do this.

"Dammit.." I sigh, ultimately deciding it would be best to stay put. Hopefully, Changkyun remained asleep by the time the storm let up enough for me to sneak out of there.

So I stayed, reluctantly, and leaned my head back against the cushion of the sofa.

Between the thunder, the buzzing hum of the heating system in his apartment, and the soft sound of Changkyun's muffled snoring, it wasn't long before my eyes began to roll back sleepily.

"Hey...."

I flinch and my eyes pop open to find Changkyun standing before me in the living room, shirtless with his wild mane sitting messily atop his head.

It looked as if he'd awakened some time ago and taken a shower since he's in different clothes and the clean scent of his shampooed hair is detectable from his proximity.

I gulp as my eyes travel down his body of their own volition but blink away any inappropriate ideas before they can form. I lift my gaze to find him staring at me with the same dark interest.

"You're still here..." he states calmly as I sit up in the seat and he regards me just as soft as his voice as I glance around the room with mild confusion.

It was still dark outside but the storm had eased up significantly.

Damn...

How long was I asleep?

His eyes seemed more sober than they were before he passed out and I looked up at him speculatively.

That's a relief.

"Um...yeah. Must have dozed off.." I mutter, grimacing as I shake the sleepiness away.

Changkyun makes a noise that could have either been a scoff or a snort of humor.

"Yeah. Me too.." he chuckles, but his smile doesn't touch his eyes as it trailed off.

I can't imagine the headache he must have right now.

At his pause, I take it upon myself to continue.

"I stuck around hoping that the storm would let up a bit and dry off. I wasn't trying to..."

"Naw it's cool. You don't have to explain...Shit, to be honest...I don't even remember how I got home. Glad you had something to do with that and not some random..." he chuckles shamelessly and although I know he saying it in a joking manner, I know he is serious.

There's no telling how many women he's brought back here after getting shitfaced.

The thought makes my stomach turn.

"Yeah well...Since you're awake, I should probably get going..." I concede amid his nervous chuckling, preparing to stand and Changkyun immediately lifts his hands to stop me.

"What? No...I mean... it's still raining and it's late. People drive like dick heads over here when it's wet..." he says, his choice of words always colorful.

"It's fine...I didn't drive. I took the train." I said truthfully.

Changkyun frowns at my response.

"You took the train? What happened to your car?" He asks and I go tense.

Oh boy.

"I.......sold it," I answer him, tucking my lips between my teeth as I wait for him to digest the answer.

The two of us hadn't spoken in a while which meant I hadn't made him aware of me moving away, let alone me selling the car he'd spent countless hours working on for free.

Other than it being in my name and me being financially responsible for it, Changkyun put just as many miles and effort into it as if it were his.

"You sold your car..." he deadpans and I nod affirmatively.

Bravely.

Awkwardly.

"Yep. For a really good price to a guy I knew from uptown. I.... can't afford to take it with me so.."

"Oh right! Because you're moving out of the city." Changkyun interrupts me.

The sluggishness in his voice was no longer present, telling me he was for sure sober. But that same hint of disdain and disgust presented itself as he spoke. I open my mouth to respond but he cuts me off.

"Yeah....I know. Kinda saw it on Instagram. The whole "going away party" threads on your friend's stories gave me the clue. Sucks that I couldn't hear the news from you but...ya know." he shrugs sullenly.

I stand there quietly for a moment, unsure of what to say.

"Yeah." is all I can muster and Changkyun scoffs.

"Yeah.." he chuckles breathily, turning away from me as he runs a hand through his hair. I watched him begin to pace slowly, rubbing at the back of his neck and flaunting his bare upper body to the neon glow of the street lights just beyond his apartment window.

"I get it though. Of course you sold it. I mean...why not? You could always just get a replacement. Since that's your way of doing shit anyway. Commit to something, get it all fixed up, and just...walk away from it." He turns on his heel to throw in before turning his back to me again.

His statement stuns me and I'm left speechless as he continues away from me.

I watch his back and the shadows cast against his muscles from the dimness as he walks over to his array of liquor bottles lined up against the back wall of the kitchen counters. He reaches for a half-empty Hennesy, twisting the cap and tipping it back for a hefty sip that's swallowed down like water.

I furrow my brow at the way his shoulders sag in relief as he turns to me.

"You could have told me, you know? Thought we were better than that," he remarks stiffly before he lifts the bottle back to his lips, gazing over its body at me as he takes another sip.

His eyes are expectant and I just stare back, too tired to indulge him.

I sigh heavily and begin patting my pockets to make sure my phone and wallet are still there before spotting my keys on his coffee table.

"The only reason I'm here was because Kihyun reached out." I snatch them up and they jingle loudly as I step around the table. Changkyun frowns at the sound of his friend's name on my lips and narrows his eyes.

"Why the fuck would he hit you up?" he asks and I snort at the bitterness of his question.

"I asked myself the same thing. But he figured I was his last resort in getting in contact with you, seeing as how you've been avoiding everyone and missing work. Believe me, though, I'm starting to wish he hadn't..." I respond honestly breezing past Changkyun in the direction of his guest bathroom.

The only reason I'm able to move so comfortably around his apartment was that Id damn near made it my second home in the duration of our tumultuous relationship.

I wouldn't be surprised if I still had a toothbrush or a box of tampons here.

I flip the light switch, not at all surprised to find Changkyun following close behind and my disheveled reflection staring back at me in the mirror. My curls had dried only a little and my makeup was smudged a tad but not ruined.

"Right..because I'm not your problem anymore." He chuffs, taking another sip and I roll my eyes at his antics as I try to tend to my appearance. I run my fingers through my hair roughly before snatching a paper towel off the roll, dampening it before wiping just below my eyeline.

"You were never my problem Changkyun. The only one here with problems was you." I mutter distractedly, frowning at how difficult it was to wipe away my mascara. My response seems to amuse him and an ironic smirk crosses his face as he leans against the doorway.

"And I'm guessing that's why you left? Me and my problems? Just me though, right? Since you're so perfect..." he asks with a cheeky tone and I hiss irritably as I abruptly turn to face him.

"What choice did I have? What choice did you give me? All we do is fight. It's not healthy for either of us and I'm exhausted. YOU are exhausting. I never claimed to be perfect but you..." I go on and Changkyun nods cynically as I speak.

"Yeah...c'mon. Lay it on me. Tell me how horrible I am despite all the shit I've done for you...I'm the fucking worst right?" He chortles and I can't help but laugh.

"Like I haven't done shit for you! Don't act like that negates the fact that you can't change or that...I don't know...We just aren't compatible anymore. That we've grown apart..."

"I'm not changing for somebody who doesn't know what the fuck they want. Ok?" Changkyun cuts in, jutting his forefingers into his sternum emphatically.

"You're impossible to satisfy Mira! You want me to be someone that I'm not. At least not yet...You put pressure on me to do shit how you want and when I fall short, I'm the bad guy. I never cheated on you. Never put my hands on you..."

"Gee, thanks for the bare minimum of common decency Kyun. I appreciate it." I mumble amid his rambling...

"..when you suggested seeing a shrink, I was open to it.." he continues.

"But did you go?" I tack on and he rolls his eyes.

"That's not the point. You gotta give me time. This shit here? Talking about my feelings...this is new territory for me. You never cut me any slack. You just criticize and jet like you're doing now.."

"Because I'm tired of cutting you slack. I'm tired of waiting...I wanted us to evolve and be better together. I wanted us to live together officially and live healthier and get married and..." I trail off, the words clogging my throat as the heartbreak of feeling rejected by him swell.

For a while, we were fine.

But eventually, I wanted more than what he was willing to give. And he tried to appease me and distract me from the fact that our relationship had hit a plateau.

It took us having a pregnancy scare for me to really see how unprepared he was for us moving forward.

"...but you've made it explicitly clear that that's not what you want." I nearly choke on the sob threatening to break through.

We'd been through this too many times and rehashing it was the last thing I wanted. Changkyun blinked a few times as if he needed to gauge my demeanor before responding.

Then he looked away painfully, grimacing a bit as he rubbed at the back of his neck with a troubled sigh.

"I know...I'm just..not ready.." he mutters, his eyes now on the floor. His jaw tightened and shifted as he contemplated something and I remained in front of the bathroom sink patiently.

The silence between us was deafening and the longer I gazed at him and his conflicted state, the stronger my urge to cry became.

I love this man.

So much that it hurts to even say it.

Changkyun lifts his head suddenly at the sound of me sniffling and I curse myself for letting a tear escape.

I turn my back to wipe it away with a shaky huff.

"I know. And I'm not waiting for you to be. I can't. I'm just done." I shake my head, avoiding the searing look in his eyes I knew he was giving me.

I sniffle again, scanning his bathroom for the tiny waste bin to discard the charcoal-streaked paper towel and Changkyun stands unmoved in the doorway as I brush past him.

Before I'm clear of him, I feel his hand gripping me by the wrist.

I pause, anticipating the inevitable. Another condescending remark to get a rise out of me, provoking me to engage in more back and forth. Feeding his selfish need to drain me until I was as empty as he felt.

But to my surprise, he says nothing.

At his silence, I turn to find him staring at our now intertwined fingers sadly.

His brow creased painfully and the muscles in his jaw tensed as he bit back the urge to cry, the urge that glistened in his hooded eyes.

"You can't be angry at me for not wanting what you want when you want it," he repeats and I roll my eyes, pulling my hand from his with little effort. He doesn't try to stop me from withdrawing despite us moving like magnets. He drags behind me to the living room mindlessly.

"I'm not doing this...." I mutter as I scan the room as if I'd forgotten something.

"You're here, so you are. We..are doing this." He grits, his tone making me turn on my heel to face him with the full intention to cuss and give him exactly what he wanted.

But the way he glares into me with broken eyes and his sullen shoulders, I'm rendered silent.

"We could have worked this out but instead you did what you always do when shit gets tough. Run away.." he closes the distance between us tentatively, his voice shaking as he spoke.

I shake my head at the conviction in his voice, knowing we were at an impasse.

"Right.." I chuckle before wiping my eyes one more time. I lift them to match his glare intensely.

"And you go and do what you always do when you can't take accountability for shit. Go and find solace at the bottom of a liquor bottle until you're painting the floor with it."

I know the words a daggers to him when he narrows his eyes.

"And you're such a saint." Changkyun tuts his brow arrogantly at me.

Yes. There was a time when getting black-out drunk and high was considered a good time. And those horrible habits were the reason Changkyun and I bonded. Mutual interests evolved as did our relationship and loving him made being under the influence less necessary.

"Well, it's a good thing we ended things right? Since we're so different..." I shrug and Changkyun scoffs, looking away with his tongue sticking through the skin of his cheek. When he looks back, it's with a look that always used to make my core tighten.

"I didn't end shit." he insists, narrowing his eyes at him darkly.

"I know."

"Exactly. So stop acting like I wronged you in all of this. Stop acting like I'm the one who broke your heart, Mira."

The tears were flowing freely by now and I neither had the will or strength to resist them anymore. Eyes rimmed red and shining, I let out a laugh that morphs into a muffled sob.

"I had to. Don't you understand? For the sake of my sanity, I had to walk away because I was not going to sit back and watch you destroy yourself. To watch us destroy each other. I loved you too much to continue this. I tried but I just couldn't. I had to be done."

"What if I'm not?"

"Kyun..."

"I don't wanna be done."

He stares at me blankly for a moment, his eyes reading the way I avoided his with a melancholy smirk.

Suddenly Im inhaling the malted mix of cognac and mint as he grabbed me at the back of my neck, pulling me forward so that he could rest his forehead against mine.

His eyes bore into mine, dark as obsidian and just as hard. The tip of his nose brushes mine and he tilts his head so his words are painted against my lips in an exalted exhale.

"And neither do you.." he mouths, our parted lips sharing a desperate breath for a moment before one of us gives in.

And it's him.

It's always him.

The darkness in his eyes was sinful when he pulled away and I'm ashamed to have been the one chasing his lips a little when he did.

His presence was more intoxicating than any liquor I ever consumed.

The way neon lights from beyond the window blinked against the side of his face, highlighting his chiseled features as he walked me back until I was pressed flat against the wall of his living room.

"Kyunnie?" I stammer as he pressed against me, pinning me to the concrete grey-painted wall, kneading my nape as he tipped his head back just enough to see my face.

His eyes danced with mine for a moment, both of us hesitating and searching for something in the other.

"You hate me, don't you?" He asks.

"I never said that..." I attempt to respond but he shakes his head.

"You never had to..." he cuts me off, his eyes falling to my lips. Without a shred of hesitation, he leans in and kisses me again.

Harder.

More fervently.

Hennessy and desperation lingered on his tongue but he didn't kiss me as if on a drunken impulse. He kissed me as if his life depended on it. Sloppy and frantic. Our teeth clashed at moments as our tongues fought and our voices melded into a melody of muffled moans.

What the hell was happening...

A few minutes ago I was ready to walk away from this part of my life. Ready to end this chapter and close the door on the man who knew better but wouldn't do or be better.

Toxic wasn't even the word.

His mouth parts from mine and he trails sloppy desperate pecks down from my lips to my neck.

My weakness.

The moment his lips grazed my skin, chills ran over my entire body, and Changkyun wasted no time in taking my flesh between his teeth. His hard body felt hot against mine and I wasn't sure if it was his heartbeat I felt through my clothes or my own. But what I did know was that I needed him.

In more than just a physical sense.

I needed him all over me.

On top of me.

Inside me.

His tongue swipes over the series of love bites he placed on my skin and I moan his name needingly. I feel him smile against me and chuckle softly before sucking a mark over my pulse.

He knew he had me the moment he sunk his teeth into my skin. Im putty in his hands and anything he desired was his as long as he was willing to fulfill mine.

Seconds later, we're falling back against his couch with me straddling his waist and him ripping my clothes off. It was not long before Im naked and gazing down at the length of Changkyun's dick standing up in his grasp.

He bites his lip, dragging his hooded gaze up my body as if he'd never seen it before.

Or as if he believed he'd never see it again.

He squeezed my hip with his other hand, encouraging me to grind my hips against him a few times before rising to my knees.

Wordlessly, he guides me down to sink into me slowly. A slow hiss blows between his teeth before his jaw goes slack and my eyes flutter shut in ecstasy at the slight sting.

It felt like forever since I'd had him inside me but it couldn't have been long enough for me to forget how he stretched me. I moan shamelessly with my head thrown back, my waist already whining against him and Changkyun reaches up to tangle his fingers with the hair at my nape.

He pulls me forward, forcing me to look at him as he buries himself as deep as I'll allow him.

"Fuck me baby...fuck me like you fucking hate me.." Changkyun demands, the growl in his deep raspy voice driving me wild with emotion and lust.

I obey immediately, placing my hands on the back of the couch for better support. I slowly roll my hips back and forth to find my rhythm, using my lower body strength to bounce on him. Every movement pushes him deeper and I soon lose myself completely in how good he felt.

Like he was made for me.

My moans soon drowned out the sound of our skin slapping together, the wetness and stimulation pushing me closer to climax.

It never took long for Changkyun to make me cum. He knew my body that well and at times I resented it. He was arrogant with the power he held and it's shown in the amusement written all over his face right now.

His brow is perked and his eyes are fixed on my face, relishing in the painfully pleasured expression of my impending orgasm as he bucked his hips to drive himself exactly where I needed him.

When my legs begin to shake, he smiles and fucks into me faster until a rush of release spurts out and around his dick. My warmth and wetness surrounded him like a waterfall, and he fought against the current effortlessly as I cried out.

"Oh my god.." I drawl out and Changkyun silences anything else I might have said by pulling me in by the neck to kiss him sloppily.

He hugs me against him, holding me in place as his hips continue to roll upwards and stroking me slowly as we kiss.

"I changed my mind..." I mutter against his lips and he hums questioningly.

"I do hate you..." I finish, his only response being a cruel chuckle that makes my walls clench around him.

"Fuck, Mira..." he whispers, taking my bottom lip between his teeth. I pull back slowly, allowing the flesh to stretch before he releases it with reluctance.

I attempt to untangle myself from him but his embrace only tightens with resistance.

Before I can question him, Changkyun grunts as he stands with his arms hooked beneath my legs. My eyes widen in surprise to find his hardened gaze fixated on where were still connected, biting his lip and bouncing my body against his dick.

This angle was even more torturous as it not forced him deeper, but the constant feel of me pounding against him had my clit throbbing from the friction. Not to mention the fact that he held me up and fucked me like this for a while, reminding me of how strong he was physically.

I almost feel like I can't breathe and my voice is hoarse from moaning. I most likely came again. Or a few times. I wouldn't be able to tell. I can barely see since tears still blurred my vision from before and I had no choice but to be at the mercy of my ex and his determination to prove a point.

Though, I had no idea or care of what it was.

"You hate me? Hmm...you hate me?" He grunted in time with his hard strokes, still holding me up in his arms.

I mumble his name endlessly and amidst a string of breathy moans.

I do hate him.

Hate him for ruining all men for me after this.

Hate him for always fucking me..making love to me..like his life depended on it.

Hate him for branding himself on my damaged soul so that every time I closed my eyes, my heart projected his face against the blank walls of my mind.

Hate him for giving me no choice other than to love him.

Fuck, I love him.

Changkyun pauses to step briskly with me still in his hold, nudging his already open bedroom door away for us to enter.

A chill ran over my skin as he stepped deeper into his room. The scent of his cologne and bed sheets trigger memories I fought to forget and I gasp when the softness of his them grace my back.

He doesn't waste another second.

He spreads me wide, keen eyes on where his dick still split me and a thick stream of saliva drips from his tongue and onto the point where we met.

As if it was needed.

I just think he got harder at the idea of stuffing me with as much of his DNA as he could.

And I hate to admit how hot it was.

"Kyun.." I sigh and his eyes snap up to my begging eyes as he sinks into me.

His hips rock my body higher on the mattress and his solid arms cage me against his chest as he fucked me.

Slowly.

Purposefully.

It wasn't hurried and frantic like before.

He curled into me and stroked my warm velvety walls with a gentleness I'd missed from him.

He savored me.

On his lips. On his tongue. In my sex.

Changkyun made love to me like a man stroking against a current, fighting his way to shore.

He fucked me as if it pained him not to.

I felt his lips kissing the shell of my ear as he whispered my name.

Over and over.

I can tell he's unraveling and that the moment is limited.

I held him against me, my nails scraping over his back as he rocked into me faster and harder, making me gasp.

I needed him.

Maybe not beyond this moment or these four walls.

But I needed him now in any way I could.

He'd barely pulled out in time before he spurts himself all over the face of my pussy, hiccuping my name against my throat as he came.

He strokes himself slowly, squeezing the final few drops of cum over my pink folds before pressing his dick back inside of me.

He's still rock hard and my slicked walls welcome him in with zero resistance.

I brace my hands against his hard biceps as he sank deeper inside of me to the hilt, the tip of him pressing as far as it would go. He flexes his hips and pushes himself impossibly deep.

So deep that I can feel our pulses throbbing between us.

So deep that it was as if he was yearning to touch a part of me that he never felt. A part of me that would be our saving grace and keep the withering connection between us alive.

But all I felt was pain.

Sweet.

Somber.

Sobering.

Pain.

"Changkyun...." I whimper beneath him and he eases back an inch with a heavy sigh as he lays his full weight over me.

He rests his face in the crook of my neck and I feel his warm touch caressing my face. His thumb swipes over the apple of my cheek, sweeping over the trail of tears that still flowed from my eyes.

For a while we just lay there, leveling our labored breaths and staring into the sepia tone of his darkened apartment bedroom. I feel myself drifting asleep until the deep vibrations of Changkyun's tired voice pull me back up.

"Hmm?" I rasp and he sniffs and swallows the hard lump of emotion in his throat, hugging our naked bodies tighter together.

"I don't blame you...for hating me." He says shakily, sniffling again. If it weren't for his grip on me and my fatigue, I would have pushed him away just enough for me to see his face.

I furrow my brow and contemplate what I could say to him in response. Just to ease the pain in his voice a touch because I did love him that much.

But...

"I hate me too..." he adds on, squeezing me again.

Changkyun turns his face so that that his nose brushes against my nape and his shuddering breath against my skin makes me shiver.

He cries there for a moment and the weakened tone of his light sobs pull me down into the abyss with him. I say nothing though. Knowing anything I could say would either sound patronizing or enabling.

Or a like a lie.

And I just couldn't do it anymore.

But God Dammit if it didn't hurt.

"I'm sorry." He whipsers after his silence sets a pause in his tears. The words sound painful for him to say and for some reason, my heart ached.

This changed nothing. He was still who he was and so was I. As much as we loved each other, it would never be enough.

"Me too. " Is all I can manage to say and I tangle my fingers in the sweat-damp hair at his nape, stroking his scalp with my fingertips soothingly as we both lay motionless.

Still connected in the only way we could be.

🥵

#monsta x smut #changkyun #changkyun smut #jooheon #wonho #hyungwon #minhyuk #kihyun #hyunwoo #shownu #monsta x #monsta x fanfic #monsta x imagines #monsta x changkyun

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crippled-peeper · 2 months

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this is kind of just like. a general complaint. ive had back issues for years and years. severe enough that my entire upper body is warped. but everyone just told me im "too young" to have back problems...my mom even lied and said i didn't have scoliosis, and literally just admitted to me in january that she knew about it and chose not to do anything...i could have been braced or something as a kid...but now i have severe throbbing pain, unstable joints, and possible nerve/tissue damage, and im having to pay for everything relating to it. absolute joy. and even though my problems are minor compared to yours, it is really fucking frustrating when people just blow off having a medical disability. im sick of the "too young" thing, or people saying "have you tried stretching?" i did PT for two years now and it's only gotten worse...they even said it'd take over 10 years to make any changes. but yeah yoga will fix it im sure. people are soooo normal about medical issues. ugh

you know what’s kind of wild is that even though you say your problems are “minor” compared to mine you’re actually living through the very first pages of my spinal disability story

My mom did the exact same thing where she like… pretended I did not have scoliosis (despite doctors telling her I had it many times) until it was so irreversible and bad that they had no choice but to fuse my spine as my bones had grown completely misshapen.

They sent me to PT (like you were) and they danced around it a lot but ultimately nothing really could be done. I remember she (my mom) even eventually took me to get fitted for a brace, but by then it was far too late and they told her it wouldn’t do anything.

One year later at 15 i had my spinal fusion at UNM children’s hospital. I had an extremely rough recovery and was in the ICU for days followed by months of rehab and relearning stupid shit like how to put a shirt on again and how to put socks on

due to the mechanical forces on the spine, I probably would’ve never gotten my severe herniations and spinal cord injury above my 10-level fusion if I never had the fusion in the first place, too.

So I’m often plagued by thoughts that are exactly like “what if you took it seriously? where would I be right now? Probably not here, maybe somewhere better” that are really upsetting sometimes. If only she’d gave a shit all those years ago, right? but also it’s been so long now and she’s actually dead now (from Covid of all things) so I’ve got nobody to be mad at about it anymore

Keep advocating for yourself, even if you are young, and even if your spinal disability seems “minor” because spinal disabilities have this awful tendency to escalate over one’s lifetime . Don’t be afraid to seek the opinions of multiple doctors if you ever consider/need surgery. It’s not “doctor shopping” or anything shameful . It’s the rest of your life that’s going to be affected.

#spinal disability #death #surgery #scoliosis #spinal fusion

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fatuismooches · 2 months

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Hi! Long time no see I know I know, I just wanna talk about the splash art because I saw it and it set off something in my brain... For fragile reader ofc

They're dancing, behind reader's bg is, like you said, nature, outside world, foxttore, blah blah blah, but behind dottore is.... His lab, with his segments behind him, but what's interesting is it's your bed. With IV drips, and behind him, on your wrist that's on his shoulder, is an IV drip (only shows on his side),, the segments have long gloves and face masks as if they're going to perform surgery and. I'm too sleep deprived to continue the thought but basically

Reader is living in a world with their desire to be okay again, outside in nature, dance freely while dottore is represents reality, that they're not fine and they'll be forever confined in his lab, desperately clinging on to life

Yep, I'm still in for angst

(x) WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS... but I love it anyway. The stark contrast between your dreams and his reality. Your dreams are bright and hopeful. You dream of being healthy, so you try your best to ignore reality. But Dottore is the opposite. Dreams have no worth to him, reality is what is tangible, it is where you exist, and you are what matters. You probably know that too but, you can't help but ignore it, after all you've been through. But that's okay with Dottore. He can shoulder the burden with you. Even if another eternity passes and your condition remains stagnant. He can only keep swearing that he'll turn your dreams into reality... maybe not now, maybe not for a while, but one day, for sure.

(Fluff time) Still, in a way you balance each other out. He keeps you grounded in reality even though it's painful sometimes, and you help him relax and forget about the stresses of reality as well.

WBDWDB KAI I MISSED YOU!! I was like :DD!! when i saw you in the inbox and then i turned to 💔 at the angst... classic Kai move... regardless im glad you're here... *huge hug* And i see you've been simping for Boothill eh? Me too. Me too. I love that silly guy.

#smooches talks #moots: kai <3 #dottore love notes <3 #fragile reader <3 #playable reader <3 #ur brainrots always eat <333 #“nature outside world foxttore blah blah blah took me out” 😭#i should also say im a certified sunday kisser as well #u make me want to write more angst w them ouhh...

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piercethenix · 4 months

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a very long list of sleep token lyrics that make me feel more religious than i ever did at church

"wont you come and dance in the dark with me? show me what you are i am desperate to know"

"im coiled up like a venomous serpent tangled in your trance and im certain you have got your hooks in me"

"and i dont wanna get in your way but i finally think i can say that the vicious cycle was over the moment you smiled at me"

"and i know i know the way that it goes you get what you give, you reap what you sow and i can see you in my fate. and i know i know i am what i am the mouth of the wolf the eyes of the lamb so darling, will you saturate?"

"lets load the gun. make her eat the tape in the bathroom mirror see if she can guess what a hollow point does to a naked body"

"so flood me like atlantic, weather me to nothing. wash away the blood on my hands"

YOU MAKE ME WISH I COULD DISAPPEARRRRR

"and just like the rain you cast the dust into nothing and wash out the salt from my hands. so touch me again, i feel my shadow dissolving"

"they talk me through the damage, consequence and how its a pain they know they dont understand"

"when the mouth of infinity buries its teeth in me, ill smile through the agony for you. and i know you still bear the weight of your own existence and youll never bear the weight of two"

"well, i know what you want from me. you want someone to be your reflection, your bitter deception setting you free. so take what you want and leave"

"rose gold chains, ripped lace, cut glass, blood stains on the collar, please just dont ask"

"give in again and let me lay, my arms belong around you"

"i come as a blade, a sacred guardian. so you keep me sharp and test my worth in blood"

"id turn my walls to gold to bring you home again"

SO SHOW ME THAT WHICH I CANNOT SEE EVEN IF IT HURTS ME EVEN IF I CANT SLEEP OH AND THOUGH WE ACT OUT OF OUR HOLY DUTY TO BE CONSTANTLY AWAAAKKEEEE YOUVE GOT ME IN A CHOKEHOLD

"and im not here to be the savior you long for, only the one you dont. are you watching me with eyes of a predator as you move towards the door?"

"show me those pretty white jaws show me where the delicate stops show me what youve lost and why youre always taking it slow show me what wounds youve got show me love"

"i am the shadow, youre a passenger. i am the intake of breath so sharp and i know you better. just want to know you better"

"if you want to give then give me all that you can give all your darkest impules and if you want to give me anything then give give in again"

"ill tear the fibre from the filamemt, ill be the limit of your light again. i want to taste you better i want to taste you better. i will be watching for your enemies, to let them know that they contend with me"

"between the second hand smoke and the glass on the street you gave me nothing whatsoever but a reason to leave. you say you want me but you know im not what you need but i am"

IF YOU HAD A PROBLEM THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME BEFORE YOU STARTED GETTING ALL AGGRESSIVE AND CONTROLLING YOU ONLY DRINK THE WATER WHEN YOU THINK ITS HOLY SO KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD OR WE WILL BOTH BE HERE FOREVERRRR

"nevermind the death threats parting at the door wed rather be six feet under than be lonely"

WHY ARE YOU NEEEEVERR REAL THE SHIFTING STATES YOU FOLLOW ME THROUGH UNNNREVEALED

"yet in reverse you are all my symmetry, a parallel i would lay my life on. so if your wings wont find you heaven i will bring it down like an ancient bygone"

"i know for the last time, you will not be mine. so give me the night, the night, the night"

"and i hate who i have become (i might break and bend to my basic need to be loved and close to somebody)"

"most days you reach for safety. remain calm, forget that you know me"

DARLING IM NOTICING YOUR FLAWS THEYRE EXACTLY WHAT I WANT EVEN IF YOU DONT BELIEVE ME, KNOW IT

"it seems your heart is locked up and i still get the combination wrong. or are you simply waiting to save your love for someone i am not?"

"is that a glint in your eye? is that a blade in your palm? well, i am yours tonight so will you lay in my arms?"

"i want to feel my stars align again, even if the earth breaks like burnt skin and the heavens just wont open up for me. would you invite me in again? wont you pay for your arrogance? wont you show me your weakness?"

#sleep token #sleep token lyrics #vessel is my lord and savior

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jut-and-dae-enthusiast · 10 months

Text

You Feel Like //h.j.s

pairing: idol!jisung x fem!reader I genre: fluff, strangers to friends to lovers I Warnings: talk of anxiety, mention of sasaengs (kinda just wanted to be sure to put it here), use of pet names (baby, lovey), mc gets very drunk, im experiencing hanji brain rot and this is the product, y/n is written from the perspective of being plus sized but it's not a plot point bc it doesn't need to be :)

word count: 4.8k

a/n: hello everyone! Just a heads up in case it isn't explained well enough in the beginning here: the use of the name "Han" is in reference to like his stage name, while "Jisung" is in reference to him as just a normal human. Apologies if that gets confusing but I thought the idea was cool. :) Also the title comes from this song, as I feel like the song fits the vibe. titles are hard. thank you. i love u.

reblogs and comments are always appreciated :)

If you spent any amount of time with him, you would know there are two very distinct sides to Han Jisung.

First, there was Han. This is where the performer side of him lived. The side that everyone knew. The cocky faces he makes when he dances, the way he raps like he could bring any person in the room to their knees in that moment. A loud voice, drawing the whole room’s attention to him with a laugh that almost immediately followed anything he said. Witty and funny, goofy and smiley. This is Han.

Then, there’s Jisung. This is where the domestic side of him lived. The side that only those closest to him had the honor of seeing. Quiet mornings, gentle humming as he writes lyrics on notebook paper or napkins or anything a pen could mark. A dark room with only soft fairy lights and a tv screen playing his favorite anime or kdrama. Cozy hoodies and soft smiles, content in the calmness. Wide eyes and puffy cheeks, still goofy but only because that’s who he is. This is Jisung.

Your first encounter, of course, was with Han. It was a Friday night and you had gone to do karaoke with some friends to try and blow off steam. After hours of screaming your favorite songs, you were ready to go home. Your friends, however, were still going steady. So, you decided to step out for a moment. Stepping out of the room, you heard a group making their way down the opposite hall, the one in front loudly cracking jokes. You could see some dyed hair poking out from the bottom of his beanie, threatening to fall into his eyes. To your horror, you realized they had looped back around and were now coming directly towards you. Unsure of what to do, you turned and faced the wall, hoping they would just glide past you the way all groups of attractive men tended to. You saw the group move on and sighed with relief, turning back around. However, you were suddenly face to face with the loud one in the beanie. You blinked in surprise, expecting him to have been with his little gang.

“You okay?” He asks softly, scanning your face carefully. His eyes were so big it seemed like they were drinking you in even though he wasn’t trying. He’s really pretty, you thought to yourself, back pressed gently to the wall. He gave you a look as if to ask you again and you nodded, clearing your throat gently.

“Yes! Uh, just taking a little break. They’re hard to keep up with.” You point to the door and, as if they could sense it, your friend tried to hit a high note that sounded like a cry of pain. The stranger chuckled, looking down at his feet while nodding.

“I just… I felt like you needed someone to check in with you. People don’t usually stand with their nose pressed to the wall.” He teased a bit, holding back a smirk. Your cheeks flushed pink, head turning to look down the hall in an effort to conceal it.

“Well, thanks… for noticing.” You mutter, clenching your trembling fingers into a fist.

“Han! What’re you doing?” A voice called from a room down the hall.

“I’ll be just a sec!” He called back and sighed. “I didn’t catch your name. As you heard, I’m Han. Actually Han Jisung. My friends call me either of those. Or both. Or whatever.” He rambled and you could see the tips of his ears dusting pink.

“I’m y/n.” You replied softly, a smile resting on your lips as you watched him, intrigued.

“I hope we meet again, y/n.” He smiled wide and you nearly melted. Everything about him was radiant. He turned to walk down the hall and you felt him slipping from your fingers. You knew you would never meet him again. That this must have been some type of divine intervention, bringing you two together.

“W-wait!” You called after him, causing him to turn and look at you curiously. You reached into your purse and frantically dug for a pen and some sort of paper. You pulled out an old receipt and scribbled your phone number on the back along with your name. “I don’t think fate will be kind enough to shove us together like this again.” You breathed as you handed the paper to him, face red. He looked down at your extended hand and a smile twitched on his lips. After thinking for a moment, he nodded and pocketed the paper gently, flashing you a smile.

“I’ll text you, y/n.” He said softly before turning and disappearing into the room with his friends. You slowly made your way back to your own group, trying to catch your breath. Your friends were oblivious, telling you to sing this group song with them. You nodded and grabbed a tambourine, trying to not obsess over the question of whether Han had already texted you or not.

It was late when you finally got home, phone securely in your hand. You even turned the ringer on, which you never did, so that you wouldn’t miss his message. However, no message came that night. Or in the morning. Or even over the next few days. You had become convinced that he’d just thrown the paper away when your phone pinged.

Unknown Number: hey sorry it took a sec but this is han

y/n: oh hey! Its ok haha no worries

Han: also thanks for giving me ur number. I was too scared to ask for it fr.

y/n: lol glad to know i wasnt the only one

You grew fairly close with him from that moment, the two of you texting almost constantly.

The first time you hung out with Han, he had invited you to hang out with him and his friends (which you found out meant his bandmates) at his apartment. When you found the apartment building, you tried to enter but the door was locked. Pulling out your phone, you called Han.

“Hey! You aren’t lost, right?” Han greeted and you could perfectly imagine the smile on his face.

“No, I’m at your building. I just can’t get in.” You explained, looking up the side as if you could see him.

“Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. We have to keep our building extra secure, especially after an incident we had a bit ago.” You could hear the way even thinking about it made him anxious, whatever it was. “I’m coming down to let you in, so give me like three minutes.”

“Okay, I’m timing you.” You teased and could hear him breathe out a laugh.

“I better hurry then, huh?” He laughed and you heard the elevator ding in the background. When he arrived at the door, he pushed it open and flashed you a wide smile.

“Two minutes and forty seconds. Close call, Jisung.” You chuckled as you walked through the open door, falling in step beside him quietly.

“I think the elevator deserves all of the credit for that.” He shrugs, pushing the call button and standing beside you with his hands in his pockets. “Thanks for coming, by the way.” He smiled softly, looking at you with happy eyes.

“Thanks for inviting me.” You responded softly, taking note of the static feeling between the two of you. It was tugging, drawing you in with every breath. The sharp ding of the elevator arriving drew you back to reality, light from the empty elevator flooding into the dark lobby. Han gestures for you to go first, bowing politely.

His apartment was near the top of the building, so the elevator ride was quiet. But, somehow, it wasn’t awkward. Silence with him felt comfortable, safe almost. He seemed to have realized at the same time, looking at you with a wondering expression. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but was cut off by the opening of the elevator doors.

The apartment was definitely one men lived in, if you can believe that. You chuckled to yourself at the corner of the room dedicated to various at-home workout equipment. But it absolutely could have been worse.

“Guys, this is my friend y/n. She was the one I met at karaoke a couple weeks ago.” Han introduced you to the group. The group all greeted you with soft smiles from where they were and invited you over to sit with them. You recognized some of their faces from the videos you had seen, but it was a little overwhelming trying to learn who was who. Felix eagerly scooted beside you and started talking with you, which you were grateful for. Han sat on the other side of you even though he was fully engaged in a conversation with Hyunjin. Han was the light in the room and everyone was drawn into it, laughing heartily at his jokes or hanging on his every word when he told a story. They teased him, of course, as friends do, and he would loudly defend himself and make everyone laugh again.

You sat back quietly and observed, taking note of the dynamics that naturally lived in the group. Started to pick out the ones who subconsciously stuck together, who people directed their conversations towards most often. It was fascinating, so much so that you didn’t even notice Han looking towards you and asking you a question. He poked your knee gently, drawing your attention back on him.

“You good?” He whispered, looking for any sign of anxiety or discomfort on your face. When you nodded happily, you saw his shoulders loosen. “I’m getting another drink, do you want anything?” His voice was soft, as if he didn’t want the others to be in this conversation. Not that any of them even cared or noticed, too wrapped up in eachother.

“I’ll have whatever you get.” You smile a bit wider at the way he strongly considers what that choice should be. He stands and walks towards the kitchen, humming a tune you can’t quite place.

“Y/n, what do you do for work?” Chan asked softly from across the small table, clearly wanting you to feel welcome even when Han isn’t in the room.

“Oh, I’m a preschool teacher.” You nod, suddenly aware of all the eyes on you.

“That’s so cute. Do you do lots of fingerpainting?” Felix asks from your other side. You chuckle and shake your head.

“It’s way too messy and all of these kids wear clothes that are worth more than I make in two years.” They nod, the conversation coming to a lull.

“Ooo, y/n tell them about the craft project you guys did last week.” Han sits beside you and sets a can of soda in front of you that’s identical to his. You dive into a story about popsicle sticks and pipe cleaners and trying to explain the term ‘structural integrity’ to four year olds. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Han watching you carefully. Hanging on your every word just like everyone does for him. Even though he’s heard it all before, he laughs and smiles and nods. Once the attention slides away from you and they disburse back into their own little conversations, you try to be part of one between Han and Jeongin but soon realize that Jeongin is talking with Chan. You trail off, awkwardly looking down at your hands. “Hey, keep going. I’m listening.” You hear Han encourage softly, bumping your arm gently with his drink. You look up at him and smile gratefully, launching back into the tale of the time you were chased by an angry lizard and Han is completely invested with wide eyes.

The first time you hung out with Jisung was at your apartment, roughly a year after the two of you had met at the karaoke.

“Ugh, it’s just been a shitty day and I need a drink.” You vented to Jisung on the phone while you folded laundry.

“Should I bring over some beer and chicken? Maybe some soju?” You can hear his keys jingling in the background, clearly already getting ready to head your way.

“No, it’s fine. You guys are so busy lately, I would hate to take your time. I’ll be fine, Ji.” The nickname was a recent development, but you both seemed to like it so it stuck.

“Okay, so beer and soju. Got it. I’ll even be your knight in shining armor and get those chips you love for some reason.” You hear his door click shut behind him. “I’ll be over soon pookie wookie bear.” He says in a cute voice and you make a gagging sound. “Okay, okay! Sorry! I am actually on my way. Give me like 15 minutes, yeah?”

Twenty minutes later, you heard your doorbell ringing over. And over. And over. You opened the door and glared.

“If I could, I would yell your full government name at you right now.” You sigh, and let him in, cursing your neighbor who you found out was a Stay shortly after they moved in. Yeah, makes having any of the boys over very tricky. Great times. Jisung giggles because he knows the reason “You little shit.” You mutter, rolling your eyes. He sets down his convenience store bag on the coffee table and eyes your folded laundry while glancing over to see if you’re watching. “No! No, I just washed those. Get your own hoodies you gremlin.” You can’t help but laugh as he pouts, hands reaching out for his personal favorite of your hoodie collection. You swipe the pile and toss it onto your bed.

“But your hoodies are so much comfier.” He whines and sighs, huffing into his spot on the floor.

“Just buy your own hoodies in a bigger size.” You shake your head, plopping beside him on the floor and emptying the bags.

“Yeah, but our hoodie is a special one I can’t buy myself.”

“My hoodie that I bought at a concert just months ago?” You know which one he’s referring to. It’s a dark green hoodie you bought when you saw your favorite artist in concert recently. “I bet you could find it online.” You mutter, ignoring his pleading eyes and grab the remote to pick something to watch. You land on your comfort anime, Haikyuu and Jisung groans.

“Look, I get that you had a rough day. But if I have to watch the Karasuno vs. Aoba Johsai match again, I might unalive myself.”

“Okay, what should we watch then?” You give up, handing him the remote. He scrolls through the options for a while, sighing periodically before shrugging.

“Do you wanna just put on cafe vlogs and talk about it?” He asks softly, taking a sip of his beer. Your lip wobbled but you nodded, taking a deep breath and a big swig of your somaek than Han had made for you. He also made a mess on the floor, but in his defense he was just trying to make you feel better. Once Najing is making drinks on your TV, he turns his attention towards you and quietly waits. You look at him and anchor yourself to the stars you swear you see swirling in his eyes.

“Okay, so-” a sob escapes from your mouth and the rest of your retelling of the day is a blubbering mess. A set of parents publicly humiliated you for something that was well out of your control and your boss was absolutely of no help, saying it must have been your fault. Jisung is sympathetic, handing you tissues and patting your arm gently.

“y/n-ah, that was definitely not your fault. That shit is so out of pocket, you didn’t deserve that.” He grabbed your hand gently and both of you jumped back as if you were shocked by electricity. You clearly weren’t expecting that and he didn’t even realize he had done it. “UHHH OKAY HOW ABOUT KARAOKE.” Han came out to cover Jisung from the embarrassment and all you could do was laugh.

“I am not in the mood for karaoke.” You gasp between wheezes, shaking your head.

“Then you need more alcohol.” He filled your glass back to the top and handed it to you. You can’t tell if his cheeks are red from the beer or from what just happened but he was so damn cute you didn’t care.

“No, I don’t want to hear you do terrible covers of your group's own songs. It’s very painful for me, a fan, to hear. And I’m sure my neighbor would break through the wall in an instant.” You take a sip of your drink, trying to catch your breath. He frowns and takes his spot next to you. It’s quiet between the two of you, but you don’t feel pressured to say anything. You weren’t sure how long had passed, the two of you just quietly watching drinks be made. “Thank you, Sungie. I feel better just having you here.” Your head turns to look at him and he’s eyeing you with a small smile.

“You’ve never called me that in person before.” he comments softly, the stars swirling even more. Did you have too much to drink? Maybe.

“Called you what? Sungie?” You giggle and lean towards him. Yeah, you’re definitely drunk. He huffs out a small laugh at whatever it is you’re doing and turns his face away.

“I like it. You can keep calling me that if you want.”

“Only when it’s just us though. That seems like a” you lean in closer and whisper “boyfriend nickname.” And you swear for a second that his cheeks instantly flush red, but he stands up and mutters something about going to the bathroom, pulling his hood over his head. While he’s gone, you crawl onto the couch and curl into a ball. You swear you only plan to close your eyes for a second, but are awoken by Jisung shaking you awake.

“Should I go home?” He asks softly, squatting down to be eye level with you. You pout and shake your head, making grabby hands for him.

“Can’t you just cuddle with me all night?” This time you for sure see his cheeks flush pink.

“Why do you keep saying things like that?” He asks sadly, gently pushing a strand of hair from your face.

“Because I’ve secretly been attracted to you from the moment I saw you. But shhh, you can’t tell Jisung.” You slur, grabbing his hoodie and tugging him onto the couch. He holds back a laugh as you pull him into your arms, humming in content when you finally have him close. He’s still for a moment before coming to the quiet realization that your arms are the home he’s longed for all these years. His eyes scan the details of your face, tears threatening to fall at any moment. The two of you had hugged before, so why was it so different this time? Why was his heart pounding yet somehow he’s never felt more at peace.

“We can’t go back from here.” He whispers to you with a serious gaze but you’re already asleep, snoring softly. He places a feather soft kiss on your nose and nuzzles into you happily.

You woke up that morning to a text from Jisung, explaining that he had to run out for some work thing. You groaned, lifting your head from the couch and looking around the living room. It was surprisingly clean for Jisung having been over last night. You don’t remember much after the mention of karaoke, and even that’s a little fuzzy. You drag yourself to the kitchen to drink some water, swearing that you’ll never drink again. Is it a lie? Perhaps. But it feels sincere right now. You’re in the process of gulping down an entire bottle of water when new memories from the night before flood into your mind. Water sprays from your nose in shock, luckily you’re near the sink.

“Oh my god, y/n you can never drink again. Holy shit why did I DO THAT?” You blindly reach for a paper towel to clean off your face, coughing slightly. As if sensing he was being thought about, you see Jisung calling you. You clear your throat and pick up, trying to seem like whatever that was didn’t just happen. “Hey, what’s up Ji?”

“Hey! I was just checking on you, baby. You were still sleeping when I left.” Baby? Oh dear, what have you done?

“Oh, uh thanks. Yeah, I’m just drinking some water.” And blowing it out your nose, no big deal. We love a talented queen. “Um, Ji, about last night-”

“Sorry y/n-ah, I gotta go. I’ll come see you tonight, okay?” He cuts you off, ending the call just as abruptly as it had started.

The day consisted of you pacing around your apartment, trying to figure out how to tell Jisung that you didn’t actually mean to confess your feelings. Not that you didn’t mean what you said but more that the timing was terrible. You had known him for over a year now but you were scared that this was too fast. He wasn’t even technically allowed to date, so all of this was wrong. So wrong. So, when Jisung arrived at your apartment later that day, you had been spiraling down this rabbit hole for hours. You were a mess and almost burst into tears at the sight of him. Of course he had flowers, why wouldn’t he have flowers? He was holding them so cutely too.

“Sorry I’m kinda late, I wasn’t sure which bouquet at the flower shop was prettier.” His smile was so wide it almost hurt. You stepped to the side, letting him come in.

“So, uh, Ji. I wanted to talk about last night.” You muttered nervously, picking at your nails with your eyes on the floor.

“Oh, sure. Yeah, let's talk about it.” You could hear the worry in his voice as he sat on the couch, waiting for you to join him. You sat beside him and took a deep breath, unable to look at him.

“I… I just wanted to apologize for what drunk y/n did. She, uh, clearly forgot her manners. She also forgot that you’re not allowed to date, so yeah. Not very cool.” You finally gained the strength to look up at him and he was holding back a laugh, trying his hardest to look serious.

“Uh, so you’re saying that you don’t feel that way?” He asks, momentarily gaining his composure.

“Well, no. But I know that-”

“Then that’s all that matters. All the rest of it, we’ll figure it out.” He grabs your hand and sighs. “You’re just too cute, you know that?” He flashed you his wide smile that made your heart melt and all the anxiety skitter away from your mind.

You thought that dating a celebrity would have been awkward or scary. But dating Jisung felt as easy as breathing. While, yes, you had to keep your relationship hidden from the world as well as his company, the two of you still managed to be attached at the hip. Until your schedules made it a bit more difficult, of course. But you could always count on Jisung to bombard you with tiktoks at any given point of the day.

This last comeback, however, there wasn’t even time for that. You tried to text and call him when you could, but both of you were so busy that the calls were never longer than an hour and the messages were brief. Scrolling through Twitter, you saw Stay talking about how worried they were for Han, saying he seemed like he wasn’t feeling well. It was like a knife twisting in your heart to see him like that, to see that the Han front wasn’t even able to hold up.

With some help from Chan, you booked a flight to come visit Jisung while he conveniently had the day off after lunch. You had arrived at his hotel room just before he had gotten back, waiting eagerly on the couch for him. Your heart jumped at the sound of the door opening and you stood, already craving him in your arms. You heard him sigh and kick his shoes off, padding into the room. His eyes were glued to his phone, headphones in. You chuckled to yourself as he obliviously went into the bedroom and you followed behind him. He crawled into bed and finally noticed you when he glanced up towards the end of the bed where you stood. His eyes widened and he sat up, jaw dropping in shock.

“Baby? Is it really you?” You could see his eyes begin to water as he stood up and slowly made his way towards you.

“Yeah, I’m here love.” You smiled as he quickly closed the space between the two of you and pulled you in close. His sniffles only made your heart break for him more, your arms tightening around his body to hold him closer.

“I missed you so much. I don’t know what’s going on with me, but it’s so hard right now.”He mumbled into your neck where he was nuzzled against you. “I’m trying so hard to be what I’m supposed to be, but I’m so tired and my head hurts all the time. I really don’t want to let them down, but I don’t know how to do better.” You can feel his tears wetting your shirt as he confides in you, tears streaming down your own cheeks.

“Oh, my sweet boy.” You sighed and gently pulled him away and held his face in your hands. “Look at me baby.” You whispered softly, wiping tears from his face with your thumbs. His wide eyes slowly slide to meet yours and the guilt that lives in them fills you with sadness and anger. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with having an off day, or even an off week for that matter. Maybe even an off month. You work a very demanding job and you do it flawlessly. So many people love you and look to you for strength, Han Jisung. But you’re allowed to not feel okay. To need some time alone, to recharge.” You kiss his forehead gently and you can feel him lean into your touch. “I know we’re both busy, but I’m seriously just a phone call away- always. I don’t care where I am, I’ll answer if you call.” You pull back and look at him and he gives you a small smile, nodding.

“Thank you for coming.” His voice is soft, looking at you adoringly. He covers your face in kisses, a full smile finally growing on his beautiful face.

“Oh, I almost forgot. I have a surprise for you.” You go out to the couch and grab the gift bag you had brought in and hand it to him with a smile. He furrows his brow and peaks into the bag before breaking out into a huge grin. “I figured I could loan our favorite hoodie to you until you come back.” You chuckle as you watch him frantically take off the one he was wearing and replace it with yours. He rushes over to you and hugs you tightly again. The two of you eventually end up on the bed, snuggled up to one another in comfortable silence. After what could have been hours, Jisung kisses your forehead and keeps his lips there while he mumbles the phrase that makes your heart soar every single time you hear it.

“I love you so much, y/n.”

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