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hangovercurse · 3 years

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I’ll Be Here

Colson tries to take you out for a nice dinner, but things don’t go exactly as planned.

Request: “hey there !! i absolutely love your work and was wondering if you'd consider writing something where the reader struggles with an ED? and Colson finds out? Just an angsty hurt/comfort-y kind of thing maybe? If you aren't comfortable/don't have the time then no worries !! I hope you have a lovely day ♥️🐇”

Colson x reader

Warnings: Eating disorders (explicit), cursing, vomit

A/N: If you are struggling with an eating disorder, there is help. The National Eating Disorders Association Hotline is 1-800-931-2237 and the national hopeline (for any and all crises) 1-800-442-4673. It gets better, I promise.

A/N part 2: This is really personal to me, as I am currently in treatment for an ED and still very much suffer from those impulses. If you are struggling and need to talk to someone who has been where you are, my dms are always open.

Word Count: 3107

Friday nights were always date nights. They had been since you and Colson had gone out on a Friday for your first date, 3 months ago. And tonight was no exception, but you wanted nothing more than to cancel.

Colson had announced he would be taking you to a very fancy restaurant that would be serving you both a five-course meal. “Babe, I won’t be able to eat all of that.” You told him, being completely serious.

He laughed it off, thinking you were just being overdramatic. “Don’t worry, I’ll eat whatever you don’t.” You pretended to laugh along, but in reality, your stomach was churning with the thought of how much food you’d be eating come Friday.

And now it was here, and you felt no more confident in yourself. You hadn’t eaten in almost two days to prepare for this, even though you’d gone longer for less before. You had been trying to eat more whenever Colson was around so he wouldn’t pick up on anything, but he was starting to be around a lot more, and it was getting harder to fake normalcy.

You were getting ready at your house, your hair and makeup done. You pulled the dress you planned on wearing out of your closet, a loose black dress with gold accents on it. You were hoping that it’s flowing would hide your figure. You caught a glimpse of yourself in your mirror, only a bra and underwear covering you. You scowled in disgust at your figure, sucking in your stomach and straightening your posture to try and flatten yourself out, but it didn’t help.

Before you could get more upset with yourself, you turned away from the mirror and put the dress on. “Tonight is going to be a good night.” You chanted to yourself.

Colson picked you up, looking sexy as ever. He was in a pair of blue pants, a plain white t-shirt, and a blue jacket. “You clean up nicely.” You smiled as he pulled you in for a quick kiss.

“You look fuckin’ incredible, babe.” He told you as he separated your lips. “Like, seriously, how did I get so lucky?”

You rolled your eyes, cringing internally but externally walking to the other side of his car. “If anyone here is lucky it’s me.”

The restaurant was, as he promised, hella fancy. The hostess led you both to a table in the far corner of the restaurant, away from peering eyes. You were handed a menu with five course headings on it and 3 options under each.

You looked at Colson with wide eyes, only to find him grinning at the menu. You decided not to say anything, not wanting to ruin his good night with all of your problems. You knew he would find out eventually, but you determined that tonight would not be that time. So, you gave the waitress your orders. Colson ordered a bottle of white wine for you two to sip on.

Before you know it, the first course had arrived. It was small, thank goodness, as it was only hors d’oeuvres, but you usually only ate that much food in a day, you couldn’t imagine how the next courses would go.

You had to admit, despite your hatred for food, the shallot and pancetta tortilla crisps were good. You figured this could be easy if you just let yourself relax. You let yourself fall into easy conversation with your boyfriend.

Then the appetizer came out, stuffed mushrooms. You struggled your way through, eating very slowly so that Colson would hopefully not notice that you were only eating half the amount that he was.

You got about halfway through your salad before your entire body said “stop.” You physically couldn’t eat anymore, the thought of holding your fork made you want to throw up. You got distracted by trying to calm yourself down that you were completely ignoring Colson.

“Y/N, are you listening?”

You snapped your head up from your plate to meet his eyes, a sorry expression coming onto your face. “Yeah, sorry. I just got distracted. I’m good.”

Colson eyed you wearily before continuing whatever he was talking about. The waitress brought out the fourth course in the meantime; your main meal. You had gotten Chicken Francese, hoping it would be the lightest thing on the menu. You were wrong.

The chicken was huge. You tried to smile at the waitress, but you couldn’t even look her in the face, too focused on how the hell you were going to pretend to eat this chicken. Colson sent a look in your direction before giving the waitress a polite, “thank you.”

Once she had left, he glared at you. You looked up once again, “what?” Your voice was quiet.

Colson grumbled, “nothing.” You gave a small pout when he looked away from you, cutting into his food. You decided it was better not to respond to him.

Instead, you returned your attention to the food in front of you. The tossing and turning of your stomach reminded you how disgusting you already felt. You could hear the faintest whispers of the devil in the back of your mind.

You’re gonna eat all that? Think about everything else you’ve consumed already! No wonder you’re so fat.

He’s never gonna stay with someone who eats as much as you do.

You shooed them away, taking your fork and knife in your hand. You cut the chicken into a few small pieces, taking nibbles at them, and pretending to enjoy it. You and Colson had stopped talking, and you could feel his irritation building.

You looked up to see his plate almost half empty, Jesus how could he eat so fast? He met your gaze, glancing down to your plate and scowling. “Why aren’t you eating?”

You looked down, a small sigh escaping your mouth. “I’m just not that hungry, I guess.” You bit your lip, about to continue when he cut you off “I told y-“

“Do you not like it?”

You shook your head, “No, it’s no th-“

Colson let out a frustrated sigh, “well, sorry Y/N. Tried to do something nice for you but apparently even this isn’t good enough for you.”

You wanted to scream at him, “that’s not what this is about you fucking idiot!” But you were in a very nice restaurant and the patrons would not appreciate that at all.

If you kept pushing, it would end up going in that direction, so you decided not to explain yourself. Instead, you forced the food down, showing Colson that you were eating it. He scoffed every time you made a show of putting the fork into your mouth and chewing the chicken.

Every swallow felt like an anchor dropping into your stomach. Your stomach was bubbling like some kind of witch’s brew.

When dessert arrived, you wanted to get up and walk out, but Colson was already on edge and you didn’t want to make it any worse. You both hadn’t spoken much, but you could tell he was getting frustrated with you. It was the worst feeling in the world.

Your stupid insecurities are ruining his life.

You can’t even stop thinking about yourself for one night to let him have a good time?

Talk about selfish.

You pushed the thoughts down, taking a small bite of the apple crème brûlée. It felt like a tipping point, like if you ate anything else you would throw up right then and there.

You placed your spoon down onto your plate, harsher than you had hoped. You mumbled out a quick, “I’ll be right back.” Before standing up and making your way to the restrooms.

Luckily, there was no one inside, though you knew that could change at any moment. You locked yourself in the stall furthest away from the door, crouching down in your heels.

It only took a few moments before the food you had just eaten came up, your vomit filling the toilet bowl. You tried to keep your gags quiet in case anyone were to walk in.

He tries to take you on a nice date and you’re in the bathroom, puking.

Like I said, selfish.

I don’t even know why he stays with you, honestly

You’re not pretty, you’re not very smart, you’re not much of anything at all, really.

You’re a drama queen!

Maybe you should just stop eating for good

Then this wouldn’t be an issue

You don’t know when the tears started, but they were streaming down your face. You grabbed a handful of toilet paper, softly dabbing your face to hopefully clear your skin of any makeup that may have run off.

You flushed the toilet, piecing yourself together haphazardly. You stood up, stumbling out of the stall, and facing yourself in the mirror. Your eyes were slightly puffy, but none of your makeup had smeared, luckily.

Disgusting

You sighed, glancing up to prevent more tears from falling. You put a fake smile on your face, walking out of the restroom and to your table. When Colson saw you, he stood up abruptly. “I already paid, let’s go.” His voice wasn’t loud, but it was harsh enough for you to know he was angry.

He walked in front of you as you made your way to the car. His hand never found yours like it normally would, there was no warmth coming from him, only a cold distance. The car ride to your house was silent. You wanted to say something, but you couldn’t quite find the words. At one point you’d reached out to place your hand on top of his, but he jerked his hand away, his other hand gripping the wheel tighter.

When he finally pulled into your driveway, you sat there for a few moments, studying his face as he looked straight ahead. “Colson,” You whispered.

“Don’t.”

You sighed, your eyes filling with tears again. You hated almost everything about yourself, but you hated when he was mad at you even more.

You don’t deserve him.

You nodded to yourself, opening the door and stepping out of the car. As much as you wanted to explain yourself and beg him to forgive you, you knew what was best for him. If you let him leave now, he wouldn’t have to bear the burden of your problems. He could be free to find something better. Someone better.

So, you went inside, tears falling down your face the entire way in.

Colson almost didn’t catch the glossy look in your eyes, or the red swelling around them. But he did, and it made him feel all sorts of weird inside.

Why did he have to get so mad?

It was just a stupid dinner.

He knew he was being too hard on you, but he was just trying to do something romantic.

Is that too much to ask for?

Apparently so.

But he shook off his thoughts, turning his car off and making his way to your now closed door. Even if he was upset, he needed to make sure you were alright.

When he walked in, the lights were all off, the house very dark and very quiet. You had only gone in a few moments before him, where were you?

His questions were answered by small gasps coming from your guest bathroom, mixed with sobs. He ran to where you were, throwing the door open and turning on the light.

He found you sitting over the toilet, your bile in the bowl. A look of worry immediately flooded his features, and he kneeled down beside you. He wrapped one of his arms around you loosely, his other rubbing your back. You leaned back into his chest, sobs shaking your entire body. “I’m- sorry.” Your words were very choppy, interrupted by your gasps for air.

“It’s okay, baby.” He sighed, resting his chin on the crown of your forehead.

You shook your head, determinately. “I tried,” a sniffle, “really hard.”

His arm on your back joined the one around your waist, rubbing circles into your stomach. You pulled away from the motion, but he kept you firmly in his grasp. “I couldn’t do it.”

Your whispers sounded so weak, so pathetic. Colson wracked his brain for an explanation. This had to be more than just the food not tasting good. Maybe you were sick?

“Shhh, baby. It’s okay. I’m not upset.” He whispered, leaning down to press a soft kiss to your temple. You both sat like that for a while, your chest heaving and his soft words calming you down.

Eventually you were able to collect yourself enough to form coherent thoughts. “I’m sorry I ruined date night.” You mumbled, your hand moving to stop his from their movement.

“It’s okay, babe. You can’t control this shit.” He whispered.

“You shouldn’t have to deal with this shit though!” You shouted as best as you could, your hoarse voice making it sound more like a whine. “If I weren’t so-“ You cut yourself off, wanting to save him the burden of knowledge. If you told him he would either feel disgusted with you and leave or feel sorry for you and stay. You didn’t know which one you were more scared of.

Colson brought his lips to your temple again, “Babe, it’s okay. You should’ve told me you were sick. We could’ve rescheduled.”

His words made you let out a dry laugh, “I’m sick alright.” You mumbled, tears rolling down your eyes again. “But not that kind of sick.” You whispered.

You looked back at your boyfriend, turning so that your entire body was facing him. You could see the confusion in his features. “I want to help you, but I have no idea what’s going on. I can’t read your mind, babe, you gotta tell me.”

You shook your head, looking to the floor. “Trust me, it’s better if you don’t know. You don’t want to know.”

He took your chin in his hand, guiding you up to look at him again, “I do wanna know, Y/N. I wanna help you.”

Your eyes looked everywhere but his, shutting momentarily as more tears fell. You took a deep breath in through your nose, trying to find where to start.

“I have an eating disorder.” You whispered, trying to get the words out as possible so you couldn’t take them back. Colson’s eyes went wide with realization, “I was diagnosed with a purge disorder when I was like, 16. I think it’s morphed into anorexia since then.” Your entire body was shaking with nerves.

He’s gonna hate you now.

You’re disgusting.

Colson grabbed your face with both hands, cradling it gently. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I never should’ve taken you-“

“You didn’t know.” You shut down his thoughts. He shouldn’t blame himself for your problems. “It’s not your fault. I thought I could just suck it up and get through it but, obviously I couldn’t.” You shrugged, letting out a frustrated sigh.

His hands fell from your face, grabbing your hips and lightly dragging you closer to him. He moved your legs to rest on his outstretched ones as he spoke, “I shouldn’t have gotten so mad about it, though. I was so frustrated because I thought you didn’t like it. I was embarrassed because I just wanted to impress you.”

You reached your arms up to wrap around his neck, holding yourself up. “I was very impressed, and it’s not that I didn’t like it. Food is just really hard for me. I’ve gotten so used to eating next to nothing. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to eat like a regular person.” He nodded, a frown on his face. “I’m sorry.” You whispered.

“You don’t have to be sorry; you didn’t do anything wrong. This is just part of who you are.” He looked into your eyes, deeply.

You sighed, “I- I guess. But I didn’t want to have to burden you with all this shit. You shouldn’t have to put up with all this. You deserve better.”

He scrunched his face, “Woah woah woah. Y/N you are not a burden. I told you, this is just part of who you are, and I love who you are. I’m not putting up with anything, I’m accepting you for every part of who you are. I don’t want anyone else; I just need you.”

His words made your heart race. He sure knew how to string lines together. “You love me?” You asked, softly. He’d never said those words to you before. Sure, you had thought them, but you were scared he’d think it was too soon.

He smiled, leaning to kiss your forehead, “yes, you dummy.” He chuckled against your skin.

“I love you.” You whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that.” He mumbled and you sniffled.

Your first thought was to apologize, but you knew he’d stop you in your tracks. “I just don’t want you to feel sorry for me or think I’m weak. I’ve been dealing with this shit for years now.” You paused, a thought crossing your head. You whispered it to yourself before you even realized he would hear, “maybe I am weak.”

“Hey,” he kept your head in place when you started to drift towards the floor, “you are not weak. This just proves how strong you are. You’ve lived with this for how long now? And you’re still fighting. That’s not weakness, babe. That’s strength.”

“Sor-“ You cut yourself off, “If I was really strong, I’d be over this shit now.”

“It’s a disease, baby. It’s just like a broken bone. It’s not gonna get better unless you treat it. You’ve been trying to hide it for so long now, let me help. We can get you a nutritionist, and a therapist, and we’ll stock up on whatever food you can eat, and we’ll work on it together. Whatever you need.”

“Are you sure? That’s a lot of work, Cols. I’m not sure if I’m wor-“

He cut you off, blue eyes staring deep into your own. “You are worth all of this and more. Don’t think for a second that you’re not. You deserve to be happy and healthy and I am gonna be here to support you for as long as you want me here.”

You paused for a moment, taking in his words. “Thank you.” You whispered, “For tonight and for all this. Just, thank you. For everything.”

“I love you.” He pulled you closer to him, hugging you tightly. “Thank you for telling me. I know it wasn’t easy.”

“I love you too, Colson.”

#mgk #mgk imagine #mgk angst #mgk fluff #machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly imagine #Colson baker #colson x reader #colson baker imagine #colson baker fluff #colson baker angst #colson imagine

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navegandoaciegas · 4 years

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Little doll

Pairing: dark!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: stockholm syndrome, manipulation, controlling!Bucky, unhealthy relationship, mentions of violence in the past (no graphic description), smut, vaginal sex, oral sex (both male and female receiving), vaginal and anal fingering, slight praise kink.

Summary: You used to be a strong-willed independent woman, but after a whole lot of training, you’ve finally become Bucky’s perfect little doll for him to own, love and take care of.

A/N: I had this idea in mind today and wrote this in a couple of hours for @jtargaryen18 ‘s 4k writing challenge. Congrats! I hope it’s decent lmfao

There is no graphic violence or non-con in this story, but it’s stated/hinted pretty heavily that these things did happen in the past. Reader has no physical description. 18+ only. English is my third language so sorry for any mistakes.

7.09 am

There’s a pulsing ache between your legs and a hot breath fanning over your neck that sends tingles down your spine.

“Baby?” you mumble in a daze, still half asleep, moaning and clutching the sheets when you feel a finger tease your entrance.

“‘Morning, sleepyhead.” Bucky murmurs, peppering your cheeks with small kisses.

You can’t fight back the smile that spreads on your face and you slowly pry your eyes open, finding your husband already looking at you in adoration. He lets his lips move downwards, nipping the skin of your throat and sucking little bruises there. A moan escapes you when the hand that was kneading your breasts pinches one of your nipples while his fingers keep sliding in and out of your pussy, sending jolts of pleasure all over your body.

You’re burning up, feeling a familiar pressure build up in your core already. You’ve been together for years, but you’ll never get over how good he is at this.

His hands are everywhere and nowhere at the same time. The hair on his chest and lower abdomen rubs on your sensitive skin, and you can’t get enough of all this. You never will.

His name is on your lips like a prayer as you beg him for more, for that sweet release only he can give you. He complies, spreading your legs and settling between them. He trails open mouthed kisses down your body, slowly bringing his face to your awaiting cunt. The anticipation of what he’ll do to you is killing you slowly. He licks a strip of your dripping pussy and dips his tongue in your folds, pushing as far as he can go.

“So sweet.”

He groans against you when you grab a fistful of his long hair and the vibration goes straight to your core, making the knot inside you tighter. You grind your hips against his face, fucking yourself with his mouth and crying out loud in pleasure.

“So wet, so needy, all for me.”

He draws circles on your swollen clit and crooks a couple of fingers inside of you, hitting that sweet spot that makes your toes curl and your back arch even more.

You’re writhing underneath him, desperate for a release.

“Please, faster.” you moan, bucking your hips wildly.

“Beg for it.” he demands, jerking four fingers inside of you.

His bruising touch, the vibration inside your cunt, his soft kisses. It’s all too much and still not enough.

“Please Bucky, please let me cum all over your face, please, please, I’ll be good for you.” you beg like the cockslut you are.

He sucks hard on your clit, and that’s all it takes to tip you over the edge, body shaking uncontrollably and vision going white. .

You’re spent, panting on the bed and feeling the familiar burn that his beard leaves behind on the soft skin of your inner thighs. Your walls flutter around nothing, and somehow you want more.

“Such a good girl for me.” He looks at you through half lidded eyes, lips red and swollen, face covered in your slick. You taste yourself on his tongue when he dips down and slants his mouth against yours, reigniting the fire inside of you.

“Do you want me to fuck you? Do you want to come again, all over my cock? Yes?”

You whine, feeling yourself grow hotter than before. “Yes, please, fuck me.”

He thrusts inside you, slowly at first, faster once he can sheathe himself fully without feeling any pain. You’re still sore from yesterday, but the familiar stretch of his thick cock is so good that you ignore the burn. You only feel him and the pleasure he’s giving you.

“So perfect, made for me, my sweet girl.” he grunts in your ear, and the praise sends jolts of electricity directly to your cunt.

Your hands are roaming over his hard muscles and your walls are clenching down on his cock, impatient for another orgasm to wreck you.

The room is filled with the lewd sounds of him fucking you, his balls hitting your ass, the squelch of your arousal, and he’s so vocal with his moans and grunts that you could come hard just listening to him.

His pace is more frantic than before. Your walls are milking him as he pounds into you relentlessly. Just when you thought you couldn’t feel more pleasure, Bucky dips his hand behind you, fingers covered in your slick teasing your back entrance and pushing inside you, finding no resistance in your relaxed state. His pubic bone hits your clit repeatedly and you’re so full of his cock and fingers and him that you see stars.

“Cum pretty girl, cum all over my cock. Show me how good you are.”

He snaps his hips harder against you and you cry out when the pressure in your core releases, jolts of pleasure shooting from your cunt to the rest of your body, vision going blank.

He swallows your cries with his mouth, and the feeling of you clenching around him is enough to send him over the edge too. His thrusts become sloppier and he cums hard, holding onto your waist with a bruising grip and biting down on your bottom lip.

He collapses on top of you, and you relish in the feeling of his hot release filling you up.

“Love you.” he mumbles, caressing your cheeks.

“Love you more.” you whisper with a smile, scratching his scalp the way that makes him purr like a cat.

You stay impossibly close for what feels like hours, Bucky still inside you, encompassing your whole body, until the alarm clock goes off and he lifts himself up with a grunt. He stares in fascination as his cum slowly drips out of your cunt and onto the sheets.

“Don’t wanna go to work today, doll.” he whines, clinging onto you again and pouting like a child, “Wanna stay in bed with you.”

You chuckle, because he’s always so needy in the morning, and push him off you.

“We’ll stay like this all weekend, I promise. Now go get ready.”

The smell of freshly brewed coffee invades the kitchen and your senses. You love the fragrance, even though you aren’t allowed to drink it. Bucky says it’s bad for a dainty doll like you. You remember you used to be addicted to caffeine before; it was the only thing that kept you going during your long, strenuous shifts at the hospital you worked at as a nurse. Bucky provides for you now, so you don’t have to worry about that exhaustion anymore.

You drink loose leaf herbal tea these days.

You smile when a ray of light shining through the window hits the diamond ring on your fourth finger, projecting a kaleidoscope of colors on the walls. The eggs are sizzling in the pan, the bread slices are toasting in the oven and you can hear the faint noise of Bucky taking a shower.

You arrange the table the way he likes it: buttered toast and scrambled eggs on a plate, yoghurt and cut up fruit in a little stained glass container, a steaming mug of coffee, a tall glass of ice cold water and fresh flowers in a vase; the paper towel goes to the right side of the plate, with a fork and a knife with the sharp side that faces left on top of it. You nod in satisfaction at the spread and remove the strainer from your teacup.

Bucky greets you with a peck on the lips and a bright smile. He pulls the chair back for you, ever the gentleman, and sits on the other one, “Any plans for today?”

“The usual, y’know. I may go for a walk at the park, if that’s okay with you?” you hesitate on the last part, giving him a hopeful smile. You love to collect the wildflowers in the meadow and feed the ducks at the pond. Plus, walking is good for your health, and Bucky has you exercise at least once a day anyways.

“Of course you can, princess. Do you have enough birdseed or do you need more?” he asks, chewing a mouthful of eggs and toast, “I’ll give you extra money if you want to get it.”

You’re grateful he agreed. Truth be told, he hardly ever denies you anything now that you’ve learnt to behave. “Thanks, but it should be enough to last me another week, I think. Is Steve coming for dinner tonight?”

He shakes his head and sips on the coffee you made him, just the way he likes it: two sugars, one splash of full fat milk, a sprinkle of chocolate powder. “No, I think the punk’s staying home with Sharon tonight, ‘member her?”

You nod. You do remember Sharon. They’ve been dating for a while. She is a nurse like you used to be. Would Steve make her keep the job?

Bucky doesn’t seem to notice your pensive mood and checks his phone as he finishes the last of his strawberries. “God, it’s 8.35 already. I gotta hurry sweetheart, don’t want to be late again like yesterday.” he says with a mischievous smirk.

You feel warmth creep up your face at the memory of the reason why he was late, and you clench your thighs shut as you recall the image of you bent over this same table you’re at and him pounding into you from behind. He wouldn’t leave unless he gave you one more, and then another, until you were shaking and crying in pleasure.

You both get up. He grabs his jacket and backpack, you hand him the lunch you’ve packed for him. He pulls you in for a sweet kiss, holding you by the waist. You taste the coffee lingering on his tongue and it reminds you of another life.

He pulls away and nuzzles your hair, hugging you tightly. “I’ll miss you.” He mumbles in your ear, inhaling the calming scent of the lavender shampoo he’s chosen for you.

“I’ll miss you more. Have a good day at work.”

“Thank you, have fun at the park. Behave.”

You wave him goodbye from the front porch and stand there until his sleek black car disappears in the distance. You sigh, missing him already, and get inside, ready to start your day.

9.00 am

Bucky is a business manager at Stark’s IT company and his job is a 9-5, Monday to Friday, which means every week day you start your chores after he leaves.

He likes the house spotless and you never want to disappoint him. You shudder at the thought of what happens when you do. Thankfully, it hasn’t occurred in a while. Only bad girls get punished, and you hate punishments too much to be one.

You start downstairs: you open all the windows to let the fresh morning air inside and get to work. You vacuum and mop the floors, disinfect the kitchen counter and empty the dishwasher, sanitize every surface in the bathroom until it’s squeaky clean and smells like Bucky’s favorite lemon scented detergent. Then you move upstairs: you wipe down all the furniture, scrub the ensuite, change the soiled sheets and sort through the hamper, separating whites and colored.

You hum as you work, proud of yourself because you’ve perfected the cleaning routine in your time with your husband, so now it only takes you an hour and a half now to do the entire house.

You grab the basket of dirty linen and clothes and head downstairs to do the chore you hate the most: laundry. The basement where the washer and dryer are makes you quiver in fear when you think of it, but you haven’t found the courage to ask Bucky to move the appliances upstairs yet. Sometimes you still have nightmares about your time there, and Bucky has to hold you and rock you all night to calm you down.

It’s where you spent the first six months after he took you, locked up all alone. He’d visit you every night, but you didn’t appreciate that. You feel guilty now for all those times you fought him, especially the one time you managed to break his nose with your elbow and sprinted upstairs. He caught you just one step before the front door. God, you were so stupid. You’re lucky he got to you in time. What would a girl like you do without a man like him?

As punishment, you spent a week locked in a wardrobe, with no food and barely enough water to survive. You stopped fighting after that, and when he got you out you sobbed on his shoulder and let him hold you and bathe you. You slept in his bed that night, and all the nights that followed in these 3 years.

Bucky never meant to hurt you, only take care of you, but you were too stupid to understand that back then. You understand now.

12.55 pm

It’s a beautiful spring day, the sun is bright and there’s a light breeze blowing from west.

You think of how you weren’t allowed to leave the house until a year and half ago. You missed the outdoors. But Bucky is a fair man and he lets you go wherever you want now that he can trust you. He even takes you on weekend trips wherever you desire. Maybe if you’re good enough, one day he’ll buy you a car, so you won’t have to walk everywhere.

You still have a tracker implanted in your forearm, but that’s for your own safety.

You spread a blanket underneath your favorite tree; from your position you can see both the water and the meadow, and that lovely wooden bridge over the pond too.

You’re basking in the sun as you reflect on all the new hobbies you’ve picked up now that you don’t have to spend the better part of your days in a hospital.

You embroider, you try out new recipes, you read, you do yoga, you paint and draw, you collect flowers and leaves and you dry them up in your botanical journal. You’ve become quite good at taking care of the garden in these past few months, and the roses you’ve planted are growing nice and strong. Sometimes you go for a swim in the ocean, some others you go shopping. The house is entirely decorated in your paintings, and you often give them to Bucky’s friends and family too.

You don’t have friends or family anymore. You only have Bucky.

You never thought you would enjoy these activities so much, just like you never thought you could be so free. Of your job, of so much pain and sorrow, of the hardship that comes with free will, of the choices you make that weigh you down until you can’t sleep anymore.

Who knew having your freedom taken away would be so liberating. Not you.

You have Bucky to thank for that. He always knows what’s best for you.

5.29 pm

Bucky’s been thinking about you all day and as soon as he’s clocked out, he couldn’t come back home fast enough. He smiles when the front door opens and he’s hit by the smell of freshly baked cookies. You really spoil him too much.

You run into his arms as soon as you realize he’s back, hugging him tightly, mumbling about how much you’ve missed him.

You’ve made dinner for him, just like he expects of you. Homemade basil pesto pasta, grilled salmon, oven roasted vegetables, white wine for him, tonic water for you because alcohol is bad for little dolls, white chocolate chip cookies for dessert.

You chat about your days over food, and when you’re both done you clean up while he changes into more comfortable clothes.

He has a reward for you, since you’ve been so good lately, but he wants you to earn it.

“On your knees.” he commands, and like the perfect doll you are, you comply.

You look up at him with your innocent doe eyes and Bucky knows he could come at the sight of you so beautiful, so obedient alone. His hands work swiftly as he pulls down his sweats and gets his already hard cock out.

“I want to fuck your mouth.” he says, tracing your lips with his red tip, “Open up, doll.”

You do as he says. You take him in your mouth and his eyes instinctively roll back at the feeling of your wet tongue licking a strip from base to tip; your cheeks hollow around him, sucking him off, one hand pumping his length and the other massaging his balls.

He aches for more, so he grabs a fistful of your hair in what is probably a painful grip, judging from the way you gasp, and he takes that as an opportunity to slant himself inside your mouth until he hits the back of your throat. He shoves himself deeper and deeper until you can't breathe, your face is red and your eyes full of tears. You steady yourself holding onto his thick thigs as he keeps fucking your mouth harder, balls slapping your chin.

Saliva is dripping down on your face as you’re choking on his cock, and those gagging noise you make vibrate against him, making this all the more pleasurable. He knows you won’t complain anyways, no matter how much he abuses your mouth or your cunt.

He knows you’ll always comply. He’s made sure of that.

With a last thrust in your mouth he pulls out just in time to paint your face with his hot spurt. You look perfect with tears streaming down your cheeks and his cum all over you.

“You did so good princess.” he praises you, and you smile up at him, “Go get cleaned up now, we’re watching a movie. You choose.”

You beam, and he knows you’ll choose one of those Disney movies you like so much.

Good girls always get a prize.

11.00 pm is your bedtime. Little dolls need their 8 hours of sleep.

You’re already fast asleep, and Bucky looks in complete devotion and adoration at your form. You’re so pretty, so perfect, so completely his.

You’ve been so good lately that he hasn’t had to punish or discipline you in more than six months.

You’re no longer the stubborn woman you used to be, the one that broke his nose and resisted all he’s put you through for months. You’re finally a little doll for him to own, love and care for. His little doll to dress up and play with. He’s especially happy tonight, because he knows you’ll love the reward for being so good this time.

It’s only taken Steve two years, because Sharon wasn’t as strong as you, but he’s done now.

Bucky knows how lonely you can get. Tomorrow you too will have a friend, another little obedient doll like you to play with.

read my other dark!bucky fic here

I hope you liked this! If you did, please reblog and let me know what you thought of it. 🥺

#jtargaryen18s4k #bucky x reader #dark bucky x reader #dark!bucky x reader #dark!james barnes #bucky x you #james barnes x reader #james barnes x you

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whumperooni · 3 years

Note

alpha bird keigo nii is🤤🤤 can u do a continuation, maybe she feels ugly because of multiple chicks in her belly and keigo-nii takes care of his mate🥺 he praises her while sucking her milky tits and makes love to her😳

you can absolutely have a continuation ♡

(but be warned i took some Liberties)

a continuation of this

tags/warnings: tw incest, tw dubcon, tw pregnant reader, nursing, mention of breastfeeding (just a tiny bit), fingering, shame, praise, depression and self-deprecation, yan keigo

You’re disgusting. You’re so ugly.

Tears roll down your cheeks as you look in the mirror and take in the sight of your bulging belly, your fattened breasts and thighs and puffy ankles. You’re so big now- swollen with your big brother’s clutch and softer than ever, bigger and squishier than you ever imagined you would become.

Pregnancy glow? What a load of crap.

Maybe that’s just reserved for people who haven’t been drenched in sin.

You swipe at your tears and you sniffle over the way your tank top struggles to fit. Keigo won’t let you wear anything loose anymore- he likes how big you are, he goes nuts over the visible evidence of the way he bred his little sister.

You just want to hide away from it all.

There’s the sound of a door opening and closing in the distance and you quickly try to scrub the tears from your eyes, wince as footsteps grow closer.

He’s home.

Multiple locks tumble loudly as Keigo undoes them and you hurriedly scramble to the nest, just barely get your bottom sat down before he strides in.

Keigo grins at you only for his face to falter and you flinch in worry whenever he takes a silent step closer.

He doesn’t like seeing you upset. He’s going to get mad, again, and you’re going to have to deal with some form of punishment.

Again.

(Keigo’s gotten a lot more volatile since he claimed you.

You miss your carefree, loving older brother who coddled you and made you feel safe)

“What’s with the tears, baby? You not happy to see me?”

Yes. No. He’s the only person you see anymore- it’s pathetic how you look forward to him coming home just so you’re not alone with your thoughts and worries.

You try to smile, but all you can do is cry- pathetic and upset and unable to keep up with the tears streaming down your cheeks. You sob and you whimper whenever Keigo sits himself behind you, let yourself be pulled like a weak doll against his chest as he wraps his wings around your trembling form.

“Hey, hey- what’s wrong? What’s got my mate so upset?”

His mate. Disgusting. You’re his little sister- not his mate.

Though, the eggs in your belly would say otherwise.

You weep even louder- hormonal, anguished, angry and depressed. The stroke of his hand to your hair does little to soothe you, but you still burrow against his chest in search of comfort, hate yourself as you do.

You don’t want to be like this. You want your older brother back and you just want to be normal again.

“Sis? Hey, come on- what’s wrong?”

He’s so gentle as he asks and, for a second, it’s almost like he’s your big brother again. It makes you weak and you sob more against him, curl your fingers into his shirt and shake.

“I- I’m fat and I’m- I’m ugly and I- I’m disgusting! I’m gross!”

Big tears stream down your cheeks and soak his shirt. You can’t bring yourself to care about any repercussions for your upset and all you can do is shake and weep against Keigo’s chest.

Over your tears, there’s the faintest noise from your big brother and you whimper as his arms tighten around you.

“Oh, baby...”

The murmur is so gentle, sweet. It makes it hurt worse, his tender tone, and it makes you even weaker, keeps you from wincing whenever he kisses your hair. You don’t resist when he tilts your head up and you don’t do anything more than cry and sniffle when he cups your face, looks at you so lovingly that it has you aching.

It’s like when he used to comfort you before- before when he was your big brother and not your captor, before when you were just his little sister and not his bred prisoner.

“Baby, you’re not ugly at all,” he murmurs, thumbing away your tears. “You’re so beautiful, so lovely.”

He couples the word with a soft smile and you cry harder, shake your head.

“I’m g-gross. I’m- I’m a blob!”

He huffs, but he doesn’t look angry or upset- at least from what you can see through your wet, blurry vision. His lips find your forehead and you sniffle again- louder and more pathetic, snotty from all of your dismay and bubbling distress.

“You’re gorgeous,” he insists, thumbs swiping away at more rolling tears. “You’re always gorgeous.”

“I’m not! I’m not!”

Your sobbing denial comes with harder crying, a flash of hurt going across Keigo’s face. Before he can say anything more, you burrow your face into his neck- pressing against him in a desperate sort of way that you haven’t done since he took you in his rut, made you into this pathetic wreck.

You’ll regret it later, probably. But right now? Right now you need some sort of comfort- even if it is from him.

His arms tighten around you even more and you tremble in his hold, don’t register the upset noise that leaves him or the way his wings wrap around you even more.

“Baby, baby...”

The murmured words that would have made you want to scream before only have you sniffling and pressing against him even more. Keigo’s lips press against your hair and his hands hold onto you tight, his lips move in quiet whispers that you can’t hear over your blubbering.

He lets you cry. There’s none of the punishment that you had feared- only comfort and sweetness, a gentle consolation that leaves you dizzy and overwhelmed.

“My mate, my sweet mate...you’re not- I promise you’re still beautiful. You’re so pretty, baby. So lovely. I love you. I love you so much. I love how you look.”

A hand slides down to your bulging stomach and you whine into the crook of his neck, shake your head. He shushes you, quietly, and tilts your head up with his other hand, presses a kiss to your forehead, both your cheeks.

You don’t pull away when his lips find yours- you just tremble and let it happen.

“You’re so beautiful,” he mumbles against your lips. “You’re just growing, baby, and you’re doing it so well- I know our chicks are going to turn out so pretty like you.”

Pretty? Like you?

You’re not pretty. Keigo’s always been the pretty one- even before you got like this.

His hands smooth over your stomach and his lips press against yours again, mold in a sweet way that they haven’t quite done before. It’s so gentle compared to the hungry, greedy, possessive kisses he’s forced onto you before and you can’t help but shake, sniffle out more tears as you cling to him.

“Pretty mate,” he whispers. “Pretty girl.”

You want to deny him- you do. But the praise makes you whine instead and you shudder when his lips trail down to your jawline, smooth to your throat. Your head tilts back before you can help it and you squeeze your eyes shut- tears still slipping down your cheeks and strangled, soft noises leaving you.

You want to feel pretty. You want to feel wanted. Keigo is the only one who could want you like this; he’s the only one that would whisper praise against your skin while you’re so bloated and puffy eyed and upset.

Your big brother is the only person that could love you like this.

In fact, he’s the only person that loves you- even if it’s twisted and disgusting, perverted and sinful.

He’s the only person that’s ever going to love you.

A sob wracks through you at the realization and you let yourself be gently pushed onto your back, look up at your big brother through your wet lashes. He smiles at you- gently, sadly- and another sob leaves you, your hands reach up to him in a desperate way you’ll hate yourself for later on.

Keigo catches one of your hands and he brings it to his lips, kisses your fingers with a devotion that has your whole word quaking.

“I’ve never seen you look so gorgeous,” he murmurs, lips moving over the back of your hand and to your wrist. “You’re radiant.”

Radiant? No one has ever called you that. You’re not- you’re not. But...

“Ni- nii-san...”

The whine leaves you before you can think about holding it back and his eyes close, a soft groan leaves him. Keigo places another kiss to your wrist and then he lets your hand drop, leans down until he can nuzzle at your neck.

You don’t do more than whimper when he noses down to your breasts, shiver when his thumbs slowly smooth over your sensitive nipples. Keigo pulls your tank top down in a cautious sort of way that you’re absolutely not used to from him and the consideration (is that it?) he’s gracing you with.

You squirm when you’re bared to him and squeeze your eyes shut in shame, bite your lip and stifle a whine when his hands cup your swollen breasts.

“They’ve gotten so big,” he sighs out- soft and happy. “Full of milk for our chicks.”

The way his tongue laves over your nipple is almost soothing and a horrible mewl leaves you whenever his lips latch onto it, gives a suck.

You’re so sensitive now- body wracked by your live-wire hormones and your overwhelmed emotions. It takes only a second for your breathing to turn stuttered and your fingers twitch against the padding of the nest, there’s an urge to curl your digits into his hair that you’re able to just barely resist.

“Could suck on these all day,” he mumbles- your nipple still in his mouth, his tongue jostling against it and making you squirm, making your breath hitch. “Love them, baby. I love them.”

“Nii-san...”

He groans, again, and he sucks your nipple, switches to the other to lay his attention on it as well.

It’s a betrayal to yourself how you arch up, but you’re already lost to it all- your hormones, your need to feel wanted, your desperation to forget for just a moment that you’re not what he’s saying but a disgusting mess instead.

He murmurs something but it’s lost against your flesh, lost underneath the whine that leaves you. Keigo oh so gently scrapes his teeth against your hardened peak and whimper leaves you as you feel a heat light down low.

You don’t fight it whenever his hand rubs over your stomach and sneaks down low. You don’t fight the way your legs part for him and you don’t fight the quiet, quiet moan that leaves you whenever he cups your mound. His finger hooks your panties to the side and slips through your slit. There’s a pause to his nursing, an upset whimper from you whenever his lips pull from your tit as he lifts his head. He looks down at you- surprise on his face, his expression blurred from your still teary gaze- and you whimper again when he blinks, whenever his eyes widen ever so slightly.

“You’re wet,” he breathes out, finger finding your clit and stroking it so your gasp. “Oh, baby...”

The way he says it is so- so- so happy. So pleased. So full of praise.

Your lashes flutter in some unwanted creep of joy and you turn your head away from him in shame, squeeze your eyes shut as your bottom lip wobbles and your heart pounds hard.

His finger works over you as he watches you in wonder and you whimper, squirm from his ministrations. Whenever Keigo slides a finger inside you, a whine slips from your lips and your back arches, your swollen belly brushes against his lean one.

Some part deep in the back of your mind screams over how unfair it is that he gets to stay toned and gorgeous while you’re forced to become a large, waddling blob. It’s something that doesn’t quite get to surface, though- not with the starry burst of heat that flames through you whenever his finger curls and brushes over your sweet spot to make you gasp and mewl.

“Fuck. Good girl, good mate. God, you look so pretty.”

Pretty. You’re not- you’re not-

You want to be pretty.

A sniffle leaves you and his lips find your nipple again, he begins to nurse your oh so tender tit. It’s needier, almost feverish but still careful and you can’t help the clench you give to his finger, you can’t help reaching up and curling your digits into his hair as he slides another inside you.

The room is starting to fill with sounds of your wavering, upset, overwhelmed, needy whimpers. The room is starting to fill with the wet shlick of his fingers and the soft, muffled groans that slip from him.

You gasp and whine his name whenever his thumb finds your clit and you tug on his hair without meaning to, press his face tighter against your breast. The way his fingers begin to pump in and out of your shamefully wet pussy has you trembling and you throw your head back as your hips try to move in a stuttered motion against his hand.

“That’s it,” he mutters- so encouraging as he laves his tongue over your nipple in between the words. “Such a sweet little sister- such a good girl.”

Little sister.

Tears spill down your cheeks with a renewed vigor but you’re not able to stop the way you chase after hazy pleasure, the desperate need to fall into something that will help you forget everything.

He ruts against your thigh and you shake your head when you feel him pull back to take his cock out, look up at him through your tears as he pulls down his zipper.

“The babies! You’ll hurt-”

You choke on the words before they can fully leave you- eyes going wide and a hand slapping over your mouth in disbelief.

You...when did you start to...when did you start to care about your big brother’s clutch growing inside of you? When did you start to care about the chicks that are distorting your body, bloating you with the sin of your big brother’s deeds?

Keigo stares down at you- golden eyes wide for a moment before they soften, before something loving fills his expression. You cry whenever his hand cups your wet cheek, fall apart even more as you try so hard to swim through all your mismatched, contrasting feelings.

“...look at you,” he murmurs, thumb caressing your cheekbone and smoothing away your tears. “Such a good mama.”

Mama. You’re- oh, god you are a mama.

A choked sob leaves you and you press your lips against his when he moves to kiss you, fumble your hands over his back and wings until you can curl your fingers tight into his hair once more. He shudders as you kiss him back and his hands press firmly against your cheeks, his breathing grows just a bit ragged whenever he rests his forehead against yours and look down at you with adoring eyes and flushed cheeks.

“I won’t hurt you,” he promises. “I won’t hurt the chicks.”

How can you believe the words of someone that took you against your will? How can you believe the words of someone that’s kept you captive so long?

You can’t, but you want to- you want to believe, desperately, that your big brother is going to be good to you- that he’ll make his sins easier to deal with, that he’ll love you and care for you even in his crazed possession.

You’re giving into him, into the situation.

...but what else can you do?

You sniffle and Keigo kisses you again, noses against your cheek and then burrows his face into your neck.

“Won’t go inside,” he mumbles, hips canting and dripping cock rocking against your plush thigh. “Won’t hurt you. Won’t hurt our babies.”

The promises almost makes everything better.

You whine- so much softer than before- and your head moves in a weak, horrible nod. The compliance has your big brother shuddering against you and his lips find your nipple again, latch on as his hand moves back to your cunt, rubs against you and makes you arch.

“I love you, baby. I love you so much.”

You sniffle at the muffled words and you sniffle at your tears, the shameful pleasure building inside you, your weak and pathetic break that has you accepting all this instead of fighting like you should.

You sniffle, again, and nod as Keigo’s humping gets a little faster, squeeze your eyes shut tight as a tingle shoots through your breast, as your big brother gets the first taste of your milk.

“I- I love you too, nii-san...”

Keigo moans and you shudder as you rock your hips against his fingers, as you fall deeper into the twisted shambles that your life has become.

#Anonymous #keigo takami x reader #rooni's shit #tw incest #tw pregnancy #tw dubcon #if you think something else should be tagged lemme know!!!!#sorry for any typos but i'm sleepy u.u

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appreciatethefoolishness · 4 years

Text

BUNNY TROUBLE | 06

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07

― pairing: jeongguk x reader

― genre: mostly fluff, softness, jungkook dancing lol, disgusting romance!! bunny!jeongguk, (kind of) hybrid!jeongguk, magical wishes, taehyung!best friend, tae being kinda a bitch, swearing, crack/humor lol i tried, more swearing, a tiny bit of subtle angst and SMUT; fat cock!jungkook, handjob, blowjob, subby!koo, whining, whimpers, dry humping, virgin!jungkook

― word count: 4k

― summery: a quick decision to save a hurt bunny on the side of the road might not seem like a big deal to many people. y/n doesn’t think much of it either and decides to take care of the little male rabbit but what she doesn’t expect is when he one night turns into a human and hell breaks loose…

― a/n: I made a playlist for this series!!

― OFFICIAL PLAYLIST

posted on: April 13, 2020 don’t post/copy my work without my permission ©

You could feel your phone falling out of your hand as Taehyung’s words echoed in your head. The sun rays hitting your face didn’t feel so warm anymore and it was almost like a cold stream washed over you as you sat there, frozen.

It really was like a wave with emotions hit you and as you looked over at the sweetest boy snoring beside you, you felt your heart break a little. He looked so peaceful with his eyes closed, his long lashes hitting his soft skin as his chest heaved up and down. You wondered quietly how it will feel in a few weeks when your bed will be cold and empty without him...

Bird’s song outside the window made him stir in his sleep and yawn as he slowly opened his puffy eyes. As soon as he saw you a heartwarming smile broke out on his face and for a few seconds everything in the world was meaningless except this.

“Goo’ morning,” he mumbled, his hair a total mess around his head as he reached for you. He embraced your hips as he tried to drag you down with him. You shrieky laugh escaped your throat in surprise as you landed on his chest, he rubbed his nose against your cheek before kissing it. “Mhmm, my noona,” he mumbled while pecking your soft skin.

His raspy voice and lovey-dovey actions made you flush, "my googie," you mumbled back, "did you sleep well, sweetheart?"

He seemed to keen at the pet name and arch his back as you let your finger run through his silky locks. He hummed and buried his face between your shoulder and throat and before you could react he had already begun sucking on the sensitive area.

A soft gasp fell from your lips by the feeling of his mouth on your neck and his warm body pressed against yours. You hadn’t really had the time to think through what happened yesterday, everything from kissing Jeongguk to him fingering you in one of the bathrooms in the club. You almost thought you had ruined your relationship but by the way his lips moved against your skin you calmed down a bit

Eventually, he pulled away, his big hand cupping your cheek as he stared into your eyes. His were sparkling with warmness and something you couldn't pinpoint as he leaned in, his hot breath tickling your lips before he closed the remaining distance between the two of you. His kiss was nothing like your first, this time it was soft and slow almost like he didn’t want it to end. With your eyes closed you began moving your lips against his with just as much gentleness, feeling his heart against yours.

All your worries and thoughts about future heartbreaks disappeared with him. It was like magic, the way he just captured you and everything felt good again. His soft lips and steady hands as he let them roam down your back and hips, making you break out in a sheepish big smile. Jeongguk only mirrored you and soon your stuipd grins had broken the kiss as you just smiled at one other. A laugh escaping you.

“You’re so pretty,” he whispered, almost for himself, while brushing his long fingers through your hair. Petting your head as the stars in his eyes gleamed at you, “really, why are you so bewitching, noona?”

You felt your cheeks heat up, “Bewitching?” you repeated, a humorous grin playing on your new-kissed lips, “Where can you possibly have learned that word, guk?”

“Ehm, on a k-drama?” he said, the tips of his ears turning a shade darker.

You snorted softly before framing his face in your hands, cupping his rounded cheeks and following his lip line with the tip of your thumb, “But you’re wrong, cause’ there’s only one bewitching person in this room and it’s you Jeongguk. The most gorgeous man I’ve ever met.”

Silence emerged between you two and slowly Jeongguk’s blinding smile faded away. “Man?” he repeated your word in a whisper, “D-did you just call me a man?”

“Yeah, I did...” you said suddenly afraid you might have offended him but before you could apologize his whole face lit up and he turned you over making you laugh.

He giggled as he kissed you again, his hips planting themself between your legs letting you feel the very obvious morning boner he had working for himself. As he kept biting and sucking your lips you could almost swear his were made just for you. So sweet and soft and while you let your finger tracing the scar down his naked back he started grinding against you.

He moaned quietly as you locked your legs around his hips forcing his hard cock to get friction against your clothed core. His sweaty back muscles tensed under your hands and the warmness steaming off his most intimate part.

“Ah, please…” he whimpered and thrusted against you, his eagerness very apparent, “touch meee…”

His words went directly down to your cunt, making you clench around nothing and feel how your panties started to get damped. You kissed his neck, the place under his earlobe and he yelped as his dick twitched in excitement. Almost on command your fingers wandered down his chest to his crotch, palming the bulge over his pyjama pants feeling how thick and long he really was. Your eyes bulged out in surprise, you knew he was big but not this huge.

“Oh, what a big cock my baby boy has,” you purred right in his ear and he cried out in shock as you slipped your hand inside his boxers. Fingers wrapping around his girthy length as you pulled his underwear down, leaving his cock to stand proudly against his stomach showing off all the mouth-watering veins and precum leaking from the angry tip. “Pretty,” you whispered before and began stroking it up and down in a faster pace than what he was used to.

His whole body almost went slack at the intense pleasure from your hand but before he could crush you, you turned him around still with your fingers pinching the tip of his cock making him choke on air.

“I-it f-feels so go-ood,” he whined while pounding up in your cupped hand, his hefty balls jerking as he neared his end. “Ah, don’t stop!” he closed his eyes and spread his legs wider for you to use his cock however you’d like.

“Yeah, it feels just as good as when you were grinding against me in your sleep? Huh?” you sneered, tightening your grip around him causing a loud whine escaping his sinful lips. “Yeah, I know what a dirty boy you are, gukkie, I was awake.” And like the knowledge of you knowing what he did in his sleep made him even more desperate to cum now.

“I’m s-sorry, noona,” he cried as you jerked him off, the wet sound of your hand’s fast movements filling the room, “I-i couldn’t help it!”

“It’s okay, baby,” you cooed, tugging on his hair forcing his neck to be exposed, he gasped. And like you had expected was it full hickeys from the night before, gleaming with a thin layer of sweat. “Just be a good boy and cum when I let you,” you smirked and it was like you couldn’t control yourself from licking it all the way down to his abs, feeling the soft skin over the hard muscles. You kept sucking while bringing your tongue out to taste his salty skin until you face to face with his thick cock. You licked a fat strip from the base to the tip, cupping his tight balls in your other hand as you started sucking on the head, tasting the sweet taste of his precum.

“AHH!” he actually squealed as you sucked in your cheeks and began bobbing your head up and down his shaft. You knew this was his first blowjob but you couldn’t help yourself from being a little mean. Instead of letting him trust up in your throat you laid all your weight on his thick thighs so he couldn’t move. “I’m cumming noona…” he breathed, his face scrunched up in pleasing pain and you lifted your head up to smile.

“Then cum.”

He threw back his head against the pillow, a piercing cry leaving him as he let himself reach his orgasm. You kept stroking the rest of his leght you couldn’t fit in your mouth as the heavy shoots of cum began to fill you, and you were quick to swallow it all, milking him to the last drop. It was a lot, Jeongguk cum never seemed to stop painting the inside of your cheeks white but eventually it did.

Slowly, you removed your lips from his sensitive cock, his whimpers toning out while you wiped your mouth. “You okay?” you asked as you returned by his side, caressing his long bangs away from his eyes.

“Yeah,” he breathed, a small smile creeping on his lips while he unhurriedly opened his eyes. “Thank you.”

You giggled before kissing him again, taking his face between your hands and letting yourself feel the love he was radiating.

“Noona…” he eventually mumbled, his voice sounding a little uncertain, while pulling away, “W-what are we now?”

His chest was still heaving up and down from his climax and his face flushed with bashfulness.

“You mean like in our relationship?” you whispered, not breaking your intimate eye-contact. Jeongguk nodded, nervously biting his lip but you wouldn’t allow that, “It is whatever you want us to be,” you simply said and gave him another soft kiss making him smile. “You decide.”

At last you had taken Jeongguk to an amusement park and to say he was happy would not be enough to describe his excitement. It was the sound of Jeongguk’s joyful laughter that woke you up from your daze. Even though you tried not to think about it— Taehyung words from your fight or his text had been filling your mind the last few days. Even when you were with Jeongguk, you couldn't fully appreciate him as you didn’t know how many days left you had with him. So taking him to the carnival that he’s been talking about for weeks was just a little thing you could do.

Jeongguk had just finished one of the bigger rides of the park, his messy hair and his flushed cheeks making it obvious for anyone to figure out. And by the sight of his happy state, you couldn’t keep yourself from smiling.

“How was it?” you asked as you handed him his cotton candy.

You two had already ridden that roller coaster earlier but as the overexcited soul he was— he had wanted to go for another ride and then another until you told him to do it alone, otherwise you might actually had spilled your guts out.

“It was soo fun!” he grinned and sat down beside you on the bench, his nose crinkling so adorably as he took a bite of the sweetness off cloud in his hand. And his Bambi-eyes lit up at the sugar taste, “wow,” he whispered in awe.

You scoffed at his cuteness, it really was like taking a child to the festivals for the first time. Jeongguk’s liveliness made your heart ache, how could someone so pure and kind have to go back to being a bunny in the end of this month? Jeongguk kept chewing on his cotton candy and even offered you some but you gently denied, you had eaten it before.

“Oh, noona, can’t we also do that?!” he asked and pointed toward a couple that was taking cute selfies with each other. “Taking pictures, I mean?” he added as he saw them kissing each other making him ashamedly look away.

You snorted softly before taking your phone out. “Sure,” you laughed as he quickly wiped the sugar away from the corners of his mouth. As you raised your phone higher in the air to fit both of you in the frame Jeongguk leaned in and you started taking pictures. One was with you two just doing silly faces, another with you smiling and the last few with you kissing his cheek and him smiling shyly.

You smiled at the selfies of you and him on your phone.

The hour before the amusement park closed it supposed would be a performance there. You and Jeongguk had decided to not watch it as Jeongguk had noticed the subtle sadness that painted your face when he wasn’t looking. He was worried but before he could ask you why the loud bass of a song a few meters away from you two made you both stop in your tracks. Even though you were near the exit you looked over to the stage where a large group of boys were dancing to the song “Rainism” by Rain and Jeongguk apparently recognized it as well.

“Oh, I know this!” he exclaimed and before he knew it, you had dragged him toward the show.

Jeongguk had spend a lot of his time these months watching and practicing k-pop dances in front of your TV so when this opportunity came you wouldn’t let him miss it. Jeongguk started dancing and moving with the beat, surprisingly confident about the dance moves of the official dance. These type of performances were mostly famous for inviting random people up to dance with them so it wasn’t that shocking when Jeongguk was dragged up.

He obviously loved it, by judging of his smile and laugh as he just fitted perfectly in with the other professional dancers. At the end of the dance Jeongguk hurried to run to you, lifting you up in a hug so affected by his excitement.

“Noona, did you see that?!” he yelled over all the loud noises and spun you around.

“Of course, you were so good!” you blurted out and hugged him back.

“Hey, excuse me!” a guy, with silver colored hair, in your age said beside you. Jeongguk gently let you go and turned to the new guy. “You were amazing man, are you a dancer?”

Jeongguk, a little taken back that a stranger was taking to him, shook his head. “Eh, no I just do it for fun…”

“Well, damn,” the guy laughed, “I’m Park Jimin by the way,” he said and reached for a card in his pocket. “And I work for an agency that’s looking for new back up dancers, give us a call if you’re interested!”

You three talk a little more before parting, Jimin really being sure to praise Jeongguk for his sharp and precise moves before saying goodbye. On the train ride home Jeongguk couldn’t stop smiling and holding your hand, it was like the sun rays were shining on him even though it was dark.

“Thank you for taking me there,” he eventually mumbled, his nose rubbing lovingly against your temple before kissing it. “I really enjoyed today with you noona.”

“Yeah, me too.” You laughed. “That guy, Jimin, even recognizes your talent for dancing. How do you feel about that?”

“It was perfect.” He whispered and he was right. Too perfect.

“Wait, he invited you into his apartment?!” you gasped as Mina quickly hushed you with a finger against your lips.

“God, when you say it like that it makes it sound like something totally different!” she mumbled and closed the cap of the copier. Her blonde hair was tied in a loose bun on her head making the rosy blush on her cheeks, she always had when she thought about her neighbor, even more obvious, “He just felt bad that I was locked out of my apartment. Nothing happened, we just talked.”

“Uh-huh,” you smirked and wiggled your eyebrows, “Talked about what?”

“Well, if you must know, we chatted about our professions and apparently, he’s a doctor—,”

“Ohh, what kind of doctor?” you asked but before she could answer a loud cry made you both turn around.

A girl, one of your many co-workers you hadn’t had the time to get to know, ran the fastest she could in her heels down the long hallway. Not only was tears streaming down her face as she tightly held her blouse together but her hair and makeup were ruined.

You and Mina quickly exchanged looks, you clearly more surprised than what she was.

“What was—?”

Mina just sighed as she collected the newly copied documents for the next meeting. “Lee Howon-nim’s second secretary for the mouth,” she began explaining and you followed her suit as she started walking back toward the room where the meeting was gonna take place. “You know he’s that type of boss who hires young girls to use and then later fires them when he’s done with them.”

You furrowed your brows in disgust, not only was he an asshole but also a shameless pervert who abused his power for sexual pleasure in his workspace? You shuddered.

“And, God, I wonder if he also did that when he had a wife, wouldn’t surprise me,” Mina kept going as she handed you half of the stack of the papers to place out.

“How have you even managed to work for him for so long?” you asked and she just shrugged.

You two finished up getting the room ready but unexpectedly your phone rang. Normally, you would be surprised as not many people called you that often, only your parents or Taehyung, but as you had taught Jeongguk how to use your landline phone a few days ago you couldn’t help but smile as you saw the contact name.

“Hi, googie,” you greeted him with a little too sweet voice for Mina not to notice.

“Noona!” you heard on the other side of the line, “I miss you!”

“You just saw me this morning,” you laughed and bit your lip, clenching your thighs together as flashbacks from this morning filled your head. He whined at that, his tone revealing how much he hated when you teased him. “Plus, I told you not to call me until my lunch break.”

“I’m s-sorry, but my reason for calling is important!” he exclaimed, “You forgot your lunchbox at home!”

That had actually happened before but then you would go down to the mall and buy something but now when Jeongguk officially was okay with going outside in public places and you missed him— you had an idea.

“Oh, did I?” you mumbled and scratched the back of your head as a small smile was tugging on the corner of your mouth, “Then maybe you could come here and eat with me and bring my lunch with you?”

“Can I, really?” he asked and you could almost hear how much he was smiling into the phone. You hummed as a reply making him giggle excitingly, “Okay, noona! I’ll be there in about an hour, bye!”

You snorted, amused, as you hung up and put your phone away. Those butterflies in your stomach were back as you shyly brushed a strand of hair behind your ear trying real hard to get into working mode again. But the sound of Mina clearing her throat made you look up.

“Googie?” Mina repeated the sappy nickname, forcing your already flushed cheeks to grow even hotter, “What did he want?”

“He said that he’ll just bring my lunch box here, apparently I forgot it.”

Mina smiled, “You know, you and your boyfriend are really cute.”

“Thanks,” you said in a small voice, and this time you didn't have to feel bad about her words, Because this time it was kinda true.

Jeongguk was thrilled as he neared the building where you worked. He didn’t really have time the last time he was here to admire how wide the etrence was or how clean the big glass windows in the lobby were. But the one thing he remembered and still did; was that damn dog.

The same freaking dog that scared the living out of him the first day he turned human. The dog was sitting outside with a leash attached to a pillar, showing off the brand new spike collar around its neck. But surprisingly, Jeongguk didn’t run away when the wolflike creature sneered and growled at the people walking by. The dog now loudly barking, reminding him of pictures of excruciating pain in his back and blood, so much blood and cold, freezing cold- making him shiver. No, he shook his head, he wasn’t a small bunny anymore but a man.

With his head high, Jeongguk strolled past the aggressive dog and headed for the elevator with your lunch in his bag. He was smiling so big and when someone else also entered the elevator and met his eyes they probably thought he was crazy. Which was true. He was a maniac for you, only having fond memories of you and your beauty.

As the elevator door dinged he walked out, the warmness inside of him only expanded as he laid his eyes on your form. You were typing something on your computer, with that adorable scowl between your brows, as you focused on whatever task you were dealing with and like you were expecting him you looked up and found his gaze on you. Just as he was about to wave, a familiar stone faced man dressed in a suit walked past him making Jeongguk freeze up.

Even though it was just for a few seconds, Jeongguk had seen enough to recognize the guy’s face— he could point out that face in a dark room and still know who that was. Like a shower of cold water hit him, Jeongguk turned around on the spot, lips formed into a straight line as he stared at the back of the man’s head as he headed for the elevator.

Scenes of his worst nightmares flashed before his eyes, it was him as a rabbit— living a peaceful life but that man hurt the only one that gave Jeongguk food and eventually made that kind soul flee, leaving Jeongguk alone with that monster. He was the same man who let his beast to dog use a bunny as a toy and just laugh at it. The man who was now smirking as he talks with someone over the phone, his big nose and small crooked eyes the same as the day Jeongguk last saw him.

His last owner.

On the other side of the room, you had noticed Jeongguk’s obvious distraction and before you could reach him, he started running as the door to the elevators closed . Running toward the staircase and without any hesitation you dropped whatever you were doing and followed him.

“Jeongguk!” you yelled as you bolted down the many steps of the stairs. “Wait! Where you going?!”

But he didn’t answer because his focus was only directed on reaching the ground level where he knew the elevator with the man would stop. So he ran, his longer legs carrying him quicker down than yours as you tried to keep up.

Eventually, after a lot of rushing and sweat, you both reached the lobby— Jeongguk a few meters in front of you as he kept running to catch up with Lee Howon, all the way to the parking lot.

“Jeongguk, wait!” you called with your breath uneven, “What are you—,”

Jeongguk barely turned around, eyes black with termination as he still stared at the man who was not leaning against his expensive car, “That man. Who’s he?”

“Lee Howon-nim? He’s my boss, why—,” you began but he didn’t stay to hear the rest as he began running again. And you couldn’t do anything but watch while he grabbed your boss by the collar and smashed his clenched fist the hardest he could in Lee Howon’s face.

Oh, fuck, how would this end?

― taglist: @serendipity-secrets @beach-bitch-bitch-beach@badbyeyoongi @bookoffracturedescapes @jeonsbbgirl @asanjms@io-is-lame @rapmonster2000000 @minyoongi-infiresme@straypop @mrcleanheichou @yeontanie21 @xanny91 @irissilujm@vanghaeg @1796p @babelleerr @virgokosmos @mercy-thesinner@adelina1299 @babybluebisexual @miraisnotavailable @dabi-da-hottie @somewhereinthestarss @cherrycolaonherlips @multiviens @impradaandurnada @actor-ksj @beyondthewriting @taehyu-ung@taehyungvx @starrynightsandcandlelights @yeethee@ggsmashgg @larenelizabeth @canyounotkaia@wordsturnintostories @yeetaeyong @goldengguky @these-lives-are-ours @sippinpeachtea @shortpeoplemattertoo @rynite@theyoungestschuylersister @heartfeltscribblings @brandi-sykestw@yunyimyg @fantasyjoon @smut-wars @sopseokjin@oxymirror @xsmilebitesx @sylnyexne @bereavedswallow@eltrain80 @sockie-the-dumbass @zerah561 @mini-miez@wherearethepinappless @timestandstillalittle @ccmemoirs@doctorwhoolagin @newtsobrienss @jiminiessipabo@unicorntrooper @purplelady85 @kookiekinz @aduky @sno-leopards @talkfastang @diamondteardropsblog

@peterrogers15 @feel-the-sunset @atwistofme @fivesecondsofsarang @theawesomekungfupanda @princessbabybootie @dru-shadow @hoseokslefteyebrow @sleepyje0n @bella-victoria002 @brandi-sykestw @hytibm @suhappysuho @nyugalaxy @nameisnotok @bryvada @barbikatherine @samariakeeper @skylavsp @bangtanbabyboyz @cecereads @slinekyu @bishuthot @bewitch3dforivar @batrazmanchronicle @annoyinglyhopefulcarrot @abigailbustamante @talkfastang @sugieswaghat39 @grace1852 @pastle-devil-06 @lalachichu @hogwartschoolofheros @fandom-addiction-queen

im so sorry, the taglist is closed! and some usernames don’t get tagged for some reason, sorry about that! ;( (maybe your account is private and that’s why?)

#jungkook angst #jungkook x reader #jeongguk smut #jeongguk fluff #jeongguk angst #jeongguk x reader #bunny!jungkook #hybrid!jungkook #jungkook rabbit #babyboy!jungkook #sub!jungkook #sub!jeongguk #BUNNY TROUBLE #smut jungkook #fluff jungkook #angst jungkook #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #taehyung angst

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no-worshiped-roads · 3 years

Text

Alright I’d said I’d do something from May’s POV so here we go

@wisteriarotting more for your awesome au

also massive warning for body horror, and implied gore and violence, and some swearing

Mayday listened through the door as the footsteps faded away. Her chest rattled with every breath, threatening to send her into a coughing fit. She let her body slide down the doors until she was laying awkwardly against it on her side. Flopping around the best she could so that her back was against the doors now, she let her emotions loose.

May’s face had wet trails running down her cheeks till she was full on sobbing. It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair. After everything she had been through, the infection still won.

“GAK!”

Mayday suddenly heaved forward in pain, her sobs having aggravated her infected body. She briefly spasmed in pain, before it stopped. She panted, catching her breath as best she could, finding it hard to breath. It had been getting harder to breath for a while. May let herself slide to the floor in a fetal position, having stopped crying.

‘I guess the one good thing out of all of this is that Zuke, Kliff, and everyone else got to escape. At least they’re not dying with me.’

Mayday winced at that thought. While she knew she was more or less dying, before the infection took her body and will completely, it didn’t make accepting it any easier. She examined the scales again, feeling more just below her skin, stretching and burning it from underneath. Her feet ached from being twisted into an unfamiliar shape, and honestly she was surprised with herself for being able to walk on them for so long. Her teeth were constantly cutting her gums and cheeks now.

‘I wonder if they’ll change shape or just fall out? Probably won’t be conscious for it.’

She had found some tape recorders, and decided to leave some messages behind like the other artists did. She didn’t want to fade out as a faceless monster.

“I’m not sure how much time has passed since I made Zuke, Kliff, Aunty, Kayane, and Gigi leave me behind. We had been through a lot together, saving Gigi, Kayane, and Aunty from the districts they were trapped in. Beating the NSR artists, or...what was left of them. I honestly thought we would all escape together. .......... But this infection has a sick sense of humor I guess. I started feeling sick, getting bad headaches and body pains. I didn’t think anything of it ya know?”

“Just thought it was soreness from the battles and all that horrible noise. But then my skin started to burn from beneath, and by the time we reached Eve, scales had started growing. My feet had become twisted, though that was all easily hidden with some stolen clothes. But I knew my time was coming to an end. So after we beat Tatiana, I forced them to leave without me. Locked them outside the tower.”

“I’m happy they were able to escape. I really am. And, Ms. Natura? If-if you ever come across my body, however ruined it is. Could you please bury it?”

Mayday wasn’t sure how many days she spent in this tower. With only the dull light from the front doors to go by, it was anybody’s guess. Maybe a week? or maybe even more, who knows. Who cares. Mayday certainly didn’t. She passed her time by playing her guitar, but found her hands becoming sore and tired from her constant playing. But it was the only thing keeping her mind at the now. But eventually it had to end. Her guitar started falling apart. Mayday found herself blacking out and when ever she woke, more of her guitar was missing.

First the picks, though she just used her hands. Be damned if they bled from it. then the strings started to disappear and she couldn’t play it at all anymore. The last piece to go missing was the detachable part that adding an extra kick to her guitar. The final time she blacked out she woke to the guitar in pieces. Had she done that? Had something else? Guess it didn’t matter, her guitar was gone, and she was back to slipping deeper into the infection taking over her mind.

“I wonder how far away they are now?” May muttered. “I bet they’ve found somewhere to live, I mean, the infection-”

“SCReeee-EEEEEEE.”

May slapped her hands over her mouth. she had been losing her ability to speak lately. Horrible sounds were ripping out of her throat every time she spoke for too long. And now she was getting to speak even less before that- noise happened. It scared her. Hearing that sound come from her. She didn’t know what was worst: the bitter irony that it sounded like sour notes on her guitar, or that only one kind of infected made noise like this.

‘Please just let me be a faceless infected. It’ll be easier.’

‘I wonder if the infection is just limited to this city? I really hope it is. Zuke, Kliff, none of them deserve to run for the rest of their lives.’

“SCreeee-EEEEEEEE”

Mayday screamed out and fell forward as her body was overcome with agonizing pain. She writhed around on the floor, screeching like her guitar once did when she hit a bad note. Blackness began overtaking the edges of her vision, until with one finally spasm, she blacked out once more.

May’s body ached, and head throbbed as she came to. She opened her eyes, and had to blink several times to get her vision back, though it was blurry now. And she couldn’t get it to go away. May rubbed at her eyes and winced when something nicked her cheek. Her sight was a bit better, but still bad.

‘Am i gonna lose my sight?’

Mayday looked down at her hands, and gagged at the sight of them. They had become misshapen like her feet. they spread weird with webbing between the now very long fingers. They were covered in scales, and had some dangerously sharp claws on them now. Glancing down at her feet she saw they looked about the same way. Forcing herself to her feet, Mayday found she couldn’t stand on them flat anymore, she was stuck walking on the front of them. She had definitely grown more scales, so much so there was hardly any of her normal skin left. She stopped looking at herself, seeing her legs and arms as ruined as they were was enough.

A certain smell finally reached May’s nose and she crinkled her face. She knows that smell. One hardly forgets the smell of the sewers when you live down in the for so long. But why could she smell that here? As her eyes adjusted to the darkness with her poorer vision, and she could see a hole in the middle of the floor. Just, a giant hole, that by the smell coming from it, clearly led to the sewers.

‘Did-did I do that? When I blacked out? How long was I unconscious?’

Mayday stumbled to the hole, and looked down into the blackness. “m-m-might as wel-well g-g-g-go.”

May’s throat ached. Fine, no more talking then. She climbed down into the hole, down to the sewers, this was her home after all. Might as well as take up residence somewhere comfy before she was gone. She didn’t want to stay in that tower anymore, not with Tatiana’s corpse. Or with the memories of how her own life ended there that day. She wondered why Yinu’s mother never came to collect the body. Or maybe she had and May was just out cold when it happened. She wandered around the rooms a lot after all. Didn’t see the point of staying in the main lobby all the time. Her footsteps clacked on the concrete tunnels due to her claws.

It took her a while to get her bearings, May’s mind being fuzzy about the details of the sewers. Like she had forgotten where some of the tunnels lead. But eventually, she found it. Their old home. Her old home.

‘A good a place to die as any I guess’

May sat on the couch that was in their, her, “den.” She glanced around her home, her now, permanent home. There was an area that was makeshift kitchen, if you could call it that. It was honestly just a place where they could prepare whatever food they could scrounge up. With more and more people succumbing to the infection, less and less necessities like food were able to be made or harvested. By the time the majority of the city was infected, they had stopped getting food and medical supplies in.

To her left she saw the sleeping area, covered with sleeping bags and old mattresses, and even a bunk bed. Seeing the bunk bed made her heart hurt. The point of the bunk bed was to share it, but now she was going to be sleeping in it alone. The bottom bunk would remain empty from now on. There were some personal items of the others, like spare clothes and what not that were left behind. They didn’t need to be weighed down so they were left here. Sounds of movement grabbed May’s attention and she turned to where it was coming from.

Something crawled out of the waters, and froze upon seeing her, hissing. It was a large, but short creature, belly scrapping along the ground. Sharp spines peaked out from the large mane of raggedy hair that covered the back and head of it. It had a elongated jaw full of teeth that forced their way past its lips due to their large size. Along, fat tail slapped on the ground, with a thick nest of spines sitting on the tip. The rest of the body was covered in dull, ugly blue scales, and four pairs of eyes glared at her.

“...E-E-Ell-ieeEEee?”

The sound messed up her speech again, but May didn’t care. Standing before her was Ellie, or what was left of her. Mayday adored the alligator, or Elliegator as she would affectionately call her. But she was a wild animal, so when the infection began to take hold in her, she couldn’t fight it like a human could. It was only two weeks before they lost Ellie, and after she had bit Zuke when she attacked them, she fled into the waters. They hadn’t seen her since.

Till now anyway. Elliegator hissed at her again, and shuffled off to their “kitchen.” She began tearing into some leftover food on the dishes, and only then did May realize how hungry she was. Her belly grumbled, and there was nothing for her to eat. She could go scavenge, but she was unsure if her body could take it. Her stomach growled again, and that made up her mind.

‘Gotta find something, anything.’

She hadn’t walked far down a nearby tunnel when it felt like her head was being split open. Mayday fell to her knees clutching at hair in pain.

‘Skritch. skritch skritch. Squeak.’

Something was moving around the tunnels, several somethings. But the pounding in her head wouldn’t let her focus

‘skrith scratch squeak’

Seriously what the hell was it.

‘squeak squeak’

WHY WOULDN’T THIS PAIN JUST FUCKING STOP?!

‘SQUEEEAKKK! SCREE! SCREEEE!’

May day opened her eyes, feeling the coolness of concrete pressed against her cheek. Groaning she pushed herself up to a sitting position. She blacked out again, that was happening a lot lately. That meant the infection was getting worse. The next thing Mayday noticed was red. Red smeared on the concrete tunnels. A bitter, coppery scent assaulted her nose, and told her that all that red was blood. Looking up further she saw where the blood came from.

Just like with Ellie, any animals in Vinyl City were amongst the first to go. The rats of the sewers were no exceptions, they had grown to the size of small puppies, With spines between their shoulder and eyes all over their bodies. Disgusting, but easy to beat. A good kick was all it took. But these rats? they had been ripped apart. Torn to shreds, leaving nothing but fur and some skin with crushed bones and spines mixed in. And there were a lot of these dead ones.

Then May became aware of the taste in her mouth. That salty, metallic, bitter taste. Her skin around her mouth and her lips felt dry and caked in something, something awful. Bringing her hand to her mouth, and minding her claws this time, she wiped it off. Glancing down at her hands she felt her heart stutter, painfully so. Any other time she might have focused on the pain, but no. She was stuck on the dried brownish red crust the had come off of her mouth. Bits of fur, rat fur, were mixed into the gunk.

Bile rose in the back of May’s throat and immediately she threw up. The vomit was red in color, bits of bone and fur mixed in the slurry. She killed those rats, she ate them. She didn’t know what was worse. That she had eaten those rats, or that her blackouts had her doing things she couldn’t remember. And that those things were getting more violent.

More days had passed and May found herself forgetting things. She forgot stuff from her past, like her school days, she forgot what her own guitar looked like, she couldn’t even remember what.... what... that thing that was here with her looked like. What was its name again? She could remember Zuke and Kliff though. There were others she knew there were but....they were just...gone. She wouldn’t forget Zuke and Kliff. She refused to, clinging onto those memories tightly, not wanting to lose anymore. So she made another recording.

“I-I’m forgetting things. Memories are just gone. I don’t remember my childhood, or my parents. There’s this thing here with me, some kind of reptile I think. I know it but....what is its name?! I’m losing to this infection even more. There were six of us before but... I can only remember Kliff and Zuke. Who were the other three? I know them, I care for them but....”

“They’re just gone, like they never existed to me. I just.... *sobs* I wish this infection would kill me quicker. I don’t want to die like this! Forgetting everything and everyone, fading away till I’m nothing but the infection. Please. This is a horrible way to fucking die.”

She had been unable to continue, breaking down into sobs as she fully realized her situation.

The thing had since stopped hissing at her. It wasn’t friendly by any means but seemed to accept the fact that she was here. It didn’t fight her over food anymore, instead opting to scavenge what she didn’t eat. May found herself not caring about eating other animals now. It turned her stomach still, but she was able to keep it down.

“..down here?”

“no. those guys left, i think they actually got out to.”

“Damn, we should of gone with.”

“Too late now, might as well hunker down where its safe. since that monster in NSR tower is gone, we should be able to walk out too.”

Mayday was shocked to hear voices in the tunnels. She didn’t think there were any other survivors. The only others they had run into when they were fighting the NSR artists, were dead. They had met untimely ends at the regular infected, or worse at the hands of the artists.

“yeah their place should be just up ah-”

“...shit”

Mayday looked over to her right to see some people. She really couldn’t make what they looked like, her eyesight had been getting even worse. So she likely was going blind, or, nearly so anyway. They were frozen though, she could still see movement, and they were making none.

“I thought they left?!”

“Dude why would she leave look at her! She’s a fucking freak like the others!”

May, insulted, felt something rumbled in her chest at that comment.

“How about we not insult the ‘freak’ man? Especially given you know they used to be someone before that damn infection..”

“I think that’s that one chick with the guitar.”

“How can you tell?”

“Well what do we do? we need this area more than her, but she’ll probably attack us.”

‘They need MY home? Are they really gonna to try and rive me out of this place? But if I leave, I’ll begin to forget everything else? and what about...it. I can’t leave that with them. No, this is my home, mine.’

“G-g -way”

The figures jolt, not expecting her to speak. A strange sound echoes in her ears.

“Holy- is she still in there?”

“Maybe she’s not done mutating?”

“g-g way”

The sound is louder, familiar. Like...music?

“How is she not done?! You can hardly tell she’s human anymore!”

“Maybe we should stop trying to provoke her and just leave?”

“Sorry I’m with him on this one. Look at her throat and chest, like, what the fuck are those parts? Besides we could use this place. Let’s get rid of her while we still can.”

“G-G-WAY”

It sounded like sour notes, like strings. Static too. She was feeling...something. Something bad.

“Guys we need to leave, remember the number one rule? Don’t get into fights you don’t need to?”

“Pretty sure we need this base.”

“uh, guys? sh-she looks-”

“we can find somewhere else!”

“g-guys?”

Anger. She felt angry. This was her territory, hers. And she would defend it from these intruders.

“ScreeE-EEEEEAAAAAAAAA”

“OH SHIT!”

Mayday was confused. When did she move off the couch? She was breathing hard, and her heart was thrumming in her chest. It felt...wrong. It sounded wrong, like there was...clacking? Every time she breathed she could hear something weird too...like twanging. Those survivors were gone, something scared them off. There was fresh blood on the ground. Did it belong to them?

‘They seemed freaked out when they saw me. Do I look that different? It’s just scales right?’

She looked over and saw a half of a cracked mirror leaning against the wall in a pile of junk. She...hadn’t looked at herself in a long time. saw no point to it. Yet now...she felt she needed to. She had to. Walking over to the junk pile, she began clearing some of the pile away to get to the mirror. Her hands and arms didn’t look human at all anymore. There was no skin left just orangish dark red scales that looked almost black in the lack of light. Her hands were now almost like a komodo dragon’s, but with webbing between the fingers. And those claws...those...red tinted, wet...claws.

May winced, hoping that was from whatever animals she had been eating. Finally wrestling the mirror piece out, she walked over to where there was a bit of light coming down from a grate. She leaned the mirror against some boxes, and took a deep breath. That sound again. Mayday looked into the mirror.

And felt her heart skip some beats.

What was that staring back at her? That-that wasn’t her. Those same scales absolutely covered her, no skin was showing anywhere. He hair was almost completely gone, in its place spines had begun growing out of her head, neck, and back. Her mouth had split open wide, taking up most of her lower face, and it was lie her jaw was...growing. Getting longer. May’s teeth were mangled, sharp, ugly things jutting out of her mouth a bit, though not as bad as the thing living with her. her legs were bent awkwardly in a strange shape, with no hope of them ever being straight again.

Her feet looked almost exactly like her hands, and she was taller. Or rather...longer. Her body was unusually thin and elongated, making her hunch over weirdly to keep balanced. Then there was what looked like a tail starting to grow, though it was hard to tell. Then there was the...extra parts. She had been wondering where her guitar parts went...well she found them. There were strange scales that jutted out from her lower arms and legs that were once her guitar picks.

Then the strings were now fused into her throat, they moved every time she breathed.

“wh-wha-AAEEEEee”

Apparently every time she spoke too. The strings had fused with her vocal chords. It was why she was having trouble speaking. She probably wouldn’t be able to anymore some time soon. A rattling sound got her attention and she saw her final missing guitar piece. the detachable head was now embedded in her chest where hear heart was. She could see muscle and sinew had grown over it, keeping it in place. Every time her heart beat, it twitched, making that noise.

The only thing that hadn’t changed were her eyes. Maybe they were a bit bigger, to match her new size, but still. The same color and everything. At least there was that, huh?

Mayday dragged herself over to the sleeping area, and flopped down on a mattress on the ground. This was usually where Aunty slept, but due to May’s new and larger size, it was what she needed to sleep on. Besides, she couldn’t bring herself to look the bunk bed for long, much less sleep in it. Exhaustion suddenly crept over her, and May let her eyes close as she drifted off into sleep.

One more recording, one last one before she was gone.

“Whoever find this recording, please. You have to leave. I can’t fight it anymore, it’s winning and I can’t fucking beat it *cough, cough cough* I-I am always in pain, I’m forgetting so many things now. I *aEEEe* .... I’m losing the ability to speak. I, I’m so scared. If I’m becoming like those that we fought all that time ago, like the artists........I don’t have much time left, so please do this for me. Run away from this city, leave this place, there’s no *screAAEe* no sav-saving this place.”

“And if you meet some people named Zuke and Kliff, tell them I’m sorry.”

The days all bled together honestly, it was the same routine. Wake up, find she had hunted more animals while out cold, laze around the area, finding where that creature was, nothing else. Well, save for the occasional encounter with those survivors. They kept coming back, but were keeping their distance. It still irritated her to say the least, why couldn’t they just leave her in peace? this was her home, and she wasn’t gonna give it up to, to...intruders.

May had been finding it harder to walk on two legs lately, opting to lumber around on all fours. It felt right. She hated that it felt right. Her eyesight had definitely gotten worst. She wasn’t blind by any means, but everything appeared as blurred out figures, making them indistinguishable from each other. The only way she could tell if something was likely alive was if it moved. And by if they let off heat. For some reason she could see heat, which made her poor vision a bit easier.

But boy, oh boy did it not really matter in the end. Because boy, oh boy could she hear. It didn’t matter how far away it was or how small it was, she could hear it. Pinpoint its location exactly. Mayday also found this weird, fog? that surrounded her. A look in the mirror confirmed it was coming from her, every time she breathed. it didn’t seem to affect her or the other creature, but anything else that breathed it for too long died.

She was also forgetting more. All she could remember now was her name, and, and....Zuke. That was the name Zuke. He was...a friend she thinks, no...more like, a brother. Yeah, that was right. His face was fuzzy, but she could remember his smile, his voice, his laugh. Then there was vague pictures of another man. Red hair, glasses, a...scarf? But, who was he? Mayday can’t remember.

Days had passed and she forgot her own name. And someone else but, maybe she just imagined that. I mean, if there no memories and only a feeling there, did that person ever exist in the first place? No. She just imagined that person. But she would remember Zuke. He looked like.... he sounded like.......

His name is Zuke, it’s Zuke. Zuke. Zuke....Zuke.....

Who?

She had to chase the intruders away again. They kept encroaching on her territory, threatening her. So she fought back and made them leave. These intruders were soft, easy to tear with teeth and claws. They were loud, not that she could understand them. Or knew what they looked like. Just vague shapes with heat radiating off of them. Not that it mattered anyway. She was getting tired of them coming here.

She had hunted for herself, finding food down here a bit more scarce. Or at least, large enough food to fill her. More often than not she was hungry still after feasting on what she could scrounge up. There was a larger creature here with her but, no. She wouldn’t eat it. She felt...something for the beast. So she’d leave it be.

Everyday those intruders came back. They were getting more aggressive for all it did for them. She outmatched them in everything. Towering over them in size, faster, stronger, fiercer. Every time they tried to kill her, and failed. And every day she grew angrier and more aggressive herself. They couldn’t stay around her long either, her defense, he poisonous breath, was more than they could handle. This time one of them didn’t flee with the others when she beat them again.

It lay there on the ground, unmoving. Nudging it with her claws still offered no reaction. She could hear no heartbeat, no breathing. she had never touched it, so it must have died to the poison. What was she to do with this thing now? Let it rot? What other use did it have? So she left it, there was something about that she knew...sort of. Telling her to leave it be. So she did.

The creature that made its den here as well had found the body days later. She could hear it tearing into the corpse, devouring it in gusto. The intruders had yet to show themselves again, perhaps the death of one of their pack would make them stay away. But for now she was content with letting her companion consume the corpse. Listening to it eat made her realize her own hunger, and so she left to hunt. Perhaps she’d find something filling this time?

She didn’t. There really wasn’t much left down here. She was travelling further and further to find food, but it seemed most creatures knew to avoid her now. all she could find were small morsels. As she trudged back to her territory she heard something. It was those intruders again. They were smart enough to wait till she left this time. She could hear them screaming something, they sounded distressed. But she couldn’t understand what they were saying. All that she could hear was static and white noise.

She rounded around the corner, but stayed hidden in the shadows. She could see their vague shapes moving, the warmth they let off was very high. As if they had just strained themselves in a hunt. But that did not hold her attention for long. Laying in the middle of them was a figure. A familiar shape and heat, that was rapidly cooling off. Straining her hearing to find anything, a heartbeat, breathing only to yeild nothing.

How dare they. How dare these things come in here and kill all she had left of her pack?!

“SCREEE-AAEEEEEEE!”

For the first time in a long time she spoke. She could hear louder static come of the intruders’ mouths, but she didn’t care. No. She just wanted them gone. For good this time. She rushed out at them, easily out-striding their smaller forms and cutting off their exits.

“REEEAAEEEE”

She lunged forward and snapped her jaws around an arm of one of the slower ones, lifting them up into the air by it. Sounds of pain greeted her, and she began to swing it around by its limb till she heard cracks and rips. The things fell to the ground with a thud, its limb having detached in her mouth. The flesh bled on her tongue, coating a sweet taste she had never experienced before. So she swallowed.

Food.

She charged back towards the damaged intruder and gripped them by their middle this time, biting down with a series of sickening cracks. A garbled static screech fell on deaf ears as she threw her head back and let the body slide into her mouth. She bit down, crushing the body into pulp and bones before swallowing once more.

The intruders scattered. Driven by unknown rage and hunger she attacked the rest. One of them fell behind her and loud cracking noises sound out as she felt small impacts on her scales. They stung, but did not break the the skin. She swung her tail around and slammed down on the creature, feeling its body give way under her mass. It did not move again. The intruders fought back, to the best of their abilities. Not that did did much to get pass her scales.

Slashing her claws out at another who had been attempting to stab though her leg sent blood flying, its coppery scent filling her nose. They fell with a wet splat, spasming on the ground. Not quite dead yet. But she moved on to the others. One charged in front of her, trying to use her divided attention to go for her throat. She snapped her teeth down on the upper half, severing he thing in two.

The other three of them had tried to flee, while she was eating the piece in her mouth. But only two of them made it out, one of them suddenly fell to their knees gurgling, clutching at what was likely their throat. She could hear the things heart stutter, and its breathing harshen and slow. Then it stopped, and the body slumped to the ground. It had died from her poison. She was unsure if the other two would survive from the poison but it didn’t matter.

They were gone, and if they did die she could consume their bodies later. But for now she had plenty of food to consume. She snapped up the bodies one by one, chewing and ripping off chunks. Eagerly devouring a decent meal she had not had in a long time. There was a body unlike the intruders lying on the ground. She did not know what it was. But didn’t touch. She was full, and the smell it let off told it would not taste good.

More intruders came down into these tunnels, some seeking a territory of their own. Others to challenge her and to end her life. She treated all of the the same. They were no threat to her, and provided her with plenty of sustenance. She found that she’d cough up something from her digested meals, that would grow some kind of plant from them. It was there that something else came. But not intruders. They were immune to her poison for one, and had no interest in fighting her. No these things were smart enough to leave her alone, and seemed only interested in what grew from her regurgitation. So they were ignored.

She found herself at times having to wait long periods for food to come from above. She couldn’t venture to the surface herself, it was too bright, and the exits too small. But they still came regardless. As though the danger that faced up there was worse than her. Foolish choices on their parts, but prey usually was. They either learned from the mistakes of other prey, or died like their kin.

This was her territory, and anything that dared come down here to take it or her life would meet their end.

_________________________

I tried. I wanted to write something where you could just watch as Mayday lost herself more and more to the infection until she was gone. And nothing but the infection remained. I thought it was fitting that the last person she forgot was Zuke, and since wisteriarotting said Ellie’s death is what tipped her over the edge, I made sure to include that.

I tried to establish that as her eyesight and mind faded, she couldn’t recognize humans anymore, and forgot she was one once

For those wondering about some details:

She’s like a combination of a alligator and a snake. Her head is like an alligator's, but narrower, and her jaw is huge and opens wide, like how a snake jaws will unhinge. Her teeth are sharp and there are a lot of them. She has no hair anymore and has long spines on her head, with shorter ones down her neck and back.

Her body is long like a snakes, and has proportional thickness of an anaconda. Her limbs give her quite the height boost, but can twist under her so she can squeeze through the sewer tunnels with ease. Her feet a re like a komodo dragons and her claws are long. She is covered in dark orangish red scales that have her blend in well to the darkness and they are really tough.

He guitar picks fused with her legs and arms, making sharp scale like appendages that stick out and offer more protection. The guitar strings are fused into her throat and vocal chords and move every time she breaths or cries out.

(Check out wisteriarotting, who linked a video to what sounds may would make,)

Her detachable piece has embedded into her chest and the muscle and sinew from her body and heart have grown over it.

I though id add the poison and other creatures for fun. The creatures are animal like too, but more human than may and are not affected by the poison. Like for example one looks like a deer fusion. It has antlers growing out of its head and one of its eye sockets. And deer legs and arms, with a misshapen mouth.

These ones only eat the vegetation that grows from the mass that may coughs up. Both have poor eyesight and rely on smell and hearing to find their way around, though may also has sight like a pit viper and can pick up heat signatures.

The mutated don’t really give those off, since once the infection takes over they’re just basically walking corpses. as for why people keep going down there? they’re desperate for any kind of escape, and don’t believe that the rumors of her are as bad as people make it out to be. This always leads to an unfortunate end.

And the reason I added those creatures? Mayday is basically on the same tier as the NSR artists, and i’d imagine they had to fight a lot of minor infected on their way to the artists. So i thought it would be fitting.

as for the recordings? Well this is from a alternate path where Zuke has to return to the city to keep the infection from spreading,

So why not let him find some recordings of Mayday’s descent into her death? Before you know, having to fight her and see what she has become.

#no straight roads #no straight roads au #nsr #nsr au #wisteriarotting #nowhere roads au

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megalony · 4 years

Text

Deadly obsession- Part 3

Here is the third part of my new Ben Hardy series, I hope you will all like it, feedback is much appreciated.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogermeddow @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @peterquillzsblog @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh

Series taglist: @benhardysbaby5 @onceuponadetectivedemigod

Series masterlist

Summary: Ben and (Y/n) are in a great place in their marriage but (Y/n) starts to get worried when she has a stalker who starts to get very obsessive over her and who seems to know a lot about her.

Enjoy.

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A curious smile formed on Ben's lips as he watched (Y/n) bite her lip for what had to be the hundredth time tonight. The way she pulled at her lower lip and bit and fiddled with her fingers told him she was either excited or panicked about something. But when he noticed her eyes zoning out and her lips twitching like she wanted to smile, he knew it was something exciting rather than worrying and that made him relieved yet intrigued.

Ben's eyes narrowed in concentration, his vision solely focused on his wife who he followed from the dining room through into the lounge. He noticed the way she was very light on her feet like she was jumping or walking on springs and she was very quick to sit on the sofa and curl her legs up beneath her.

Holding his breath, Ben put his drink down on the coffee table before he sat down next to her. Something was up and he was very curious to know what it was.

"Alright, come on. What's up with you tonight?" Ben curled one leg beneath him before he leaned over until he was inches away from (Y/n). He narrowed his eyes with a smile playing on his lips as he reached his hand out to pull (Y/n)'s lower lip from beneath her teeth. He knew well enough to know she wasn't biting her lip out of anxiety but he still would rather she didn't take a layer of skin off because she was excited over something.

"Hm?" (Y/n) locked eyes with Ben and took a sip of her drink. The way he was looking at her made her stomach flip and her chest fill with air like she was a balloon about to fly away.

She had been thinking all day about how to tell him but she couldn't think of anything except for blurting out the news. She couldn't sugar coat it very well, she didn't want to play games and make Ben guess what she was talking about and (Y/n) didn't want to make it a massive fuss. That left her with very little options about how to tell him but it still made her chest tingle with butterflies because she couldn't wait to see what his reaction would be. All night and day (Y/n) had been thinking non-stop about this and Ben had picked up on it very quickly.

"You're jumping around like you're on a spring tonight, something's on your mind."

A shudder ran down (Y/n)'s spine as she knew this was the moment, she had to tell him now and that only made her heart race and steal what little breath she held within her lungs.

Ben's curiosity grew when he watched (Y/n) put down her drink before she shuffled closer until there was almost no space between them anymore. He pressed his lips together to smother a smile and his eyes narrowed as (Y/n) seemed to suddenly think better of where she was sitting. Ben's brows rose and he tipped his head back until his head was pushing into the back of the sofa when (Y/n) crawled onto his lap. She pressed her knees into the sides of Ben's thighs and hooked her arms loosely around his neck as he wound his arms around her waist, resting his hands on her lower back.

"I have something to tell you."

"Oh really, and what's that then?"

(Y/n) smoothed her thumbs over the back of Ben's neck, feeling him shiver against her as she tickled his skin near his hair that was shaved very short at the back.

"Since we're gonna have a baby in a few months, I think it's time that we decorate the spare room, don't you?"

Pursing her lips, (Y/n) searched Ben's eyes eagerly for some sort of sign or emotion as she waited very impatiently for a response. Her teeth moved to bite down on her lip again when she watched Ben's eyes widen and his lips part but he didn't say anything for a few seconds like he was on a delay in processing her words. But when everything seemed to run through his mind a few times, his fingertips pressed harder into her back and he pulled her flush against his chest causing (Y/n) to squeak.

"You're not tricking me, are you?" There was a small hint of apprehension in Ben's voice but the smile he was trying so hard to bite back showed just how nervous yet over the moon he was about this. Ben knew how cut up (Y/n) had been last time when they got a false positive and he knew that was making her anxious about finding out about any future pregnancies but she seemed very sure right now and she was happy. Seeing her smiling at him like this and seeing the light in her eyes made Ben's heart flip in his chest.

"No, we have a scan in two weeks to find out for sure but I'm pretty positive." (Y/n) leaned her forehead against Ben's, trying to imprint the image of his smile into her mind so she would never forget it because she had never seen him smile like that.

"I love you."

A shiver ran down (Y/n)'s spine at the way he said those words before he pressed a rather bruising kiss to her lips and slipped his hands under her shirt causing cold shivers to run along the base of her spine. He glided his fingers up along the middle of her spine, feeling the columns and ridges and the way (Y/n) moved and shivered against the odd but much welcomed touch.

All the air seemed to evaporate from her lungs when Ben swiftly turned to the side and laid (Y/n) down on the sofa on her back so he was hovering over her, laid between her legs. (Y/n) tightened her arms around his neck and hooked her legs around his torso tightly out of instinct.

Ben had a catfish grin on his lips that made (Y/n) narrow her eyes quizzically at him. He had so many different smiles and (Y/n) knew what most of them meant or referred to but sometimes when he smiled at her like that, she had no clue what he was up to or about to do and it made her nervous in the best kind of way. She watched with anticipation that made her hold her breath when he kissed down her neck before moving back until he could lean down and roll up the hem of her shirt, but he didn't take it off.

(Y/n)'s breathing came to an abrupt stop when she felt Ben's fingertips ever so lightly grazing over her stomach before he leaned down to press butterfly kisses against her stomach. His lips felt like the end of a feather was being glided over her skin and it made her stomach suck in and jump from the ticklish feeling that sent her nerve-ends on fire in the best possible way.

Ben liked the feeling of (Y/n)'s stomach jumping and sucking in beneath him, he liked the way she responded to his touch and hearing her breathing become quicker made him smile against her skin.

"I have a good feeling about this."

"Really?" (Y/n)'s voice was quiet but there were too many emotions in her eyes and expression for Ben to figure out and take in. But the way she was looking at him told him all he needed to know. He hummed in response with a nod of his head before he leaned back down to press another gentle kiss to her stomach.

"Let me show you much I love you." His words made (Y/n)'s heart jump right up into her throat and constrict her breathing. It didn't matter how long they had been together nor how many times they had been intimate, (Y/n) always managed to find those butterflies that swarmed through her stomach and her heart always started to beat that much faster in her chest.

(Y/n) arched her back up to let Ben pull the rolled up shirt up and off her frame before he discarded it somewhere in the room and his lips instantly connected back to hers like being parted for too long physically hurt.

In that moment, (Y/n) knew that nothing could make her feel more on top of the world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With a sigh, (Y/n) slowly descended down the stairs as she gathered her hair in her hands, pulling the strands away from her eyes that were struggling to stay open. The one thing (Y/n) really didn't like about her job was having to get up early in the morning when she was not a morning person at all.

But as she headed down the stairs in what felt like a sleepwalk, (Y/n) couldn't help but smile as a giddy feeling sparked in her stomach when she thought of last night. She was sure that their scan in two weeks would confirm her suspicions, she was even starting to feel uneasy in the morning about breakfast and sometimes dinner didn't make her feel so good either. Ben was over the moon about this and once they knew for sure, they could start thinking and then preparing everything.

(Y/n) rubbed at her tired eyes to try and wake herself up a bit more before she made her way over to the front door to grab the morning post. Looking through the letters, (Y/n) set two of them down on the side table to deal with later. Formal letters about bills weren't something she could read or concentrate on at this time in the morning. She put Ben's letter on the pile as well which just left her with one letter in her hands for her.

It didn't look like something formal, it was hand-written and it wouldn't be anything from work because she knew Claire wrote all the letters from work and her handwriting was very hard to understand.

Rubbing the letter between her fingers, (Y/n) headed through the hall into the kitchen to get a drink. She didn't feel like breakfast, especially not this early in the morning and the smell of coffee wasn't very appealing right now either so she settled on a glass of juice.

(Y/n) sat down at the island in the middle of the kitchen and arched her back out to try and click it into place before she opened the envelope. It was a pale cream colour which (Y/n) liked, normally with plain white envelopes marks or smudges of ink and fingerprints could be seen and that annoyed her to no end.

Taking a sip of her drink as she read the letter was a grave mistake because the juice seemed to turn to acid running down her throat and it made her throat constrict and her chest tighten in shock as she choked on her drink and anxiety. Not a letter too. She had gotten no end of texts before she blocked the number, she had gotten an email from an address she quickly blocked but a letter was so much worse. A letter proved that this person did know her and they knew where she lived. Someone sending her strange messages that knew where she lived was a sign of danger to (Y/n).

'Alright (Y/n),

I could kind of see why you'd block my texts since your married to him, and I'll admit it hurt when you didn't say one thing back to me. And blocking my email, that was rude. But after all I've done for you, all the times I try really hard to talk to you and be there for you, and you go and fuck him last night and act like I don't exist.

I bet he doesn't even know about me, does he?

Do you think you can just ignore me and pretend like I'm not real? I've tried to forgive you but it makes me beyond the point of anger that you're ignoring me for him, and that you won't respond to me at all. I haven't done anything to warrant this, not like you have. You parade yourself about with him, you flaunt yourself and he flaunts you on his arm and then you let him fuck you on the sofa without one thought of me.

You can't keep shutting me out, you really need to start talking to me now because I can't keep forgiving you.

I love you, Beautiful.'

He was watching her. He knew where she lived and he was watching her last night, there was no other way he would have known about her and Ben having sex last night unless he had been watching them.

This person knew her name, her number, her email, he knew where she lived, he knew she was married and he was now watching her when she was at home, the one place she felt truly safe all the time. How could home be a safe place now that someone knew where she lived and was trying to watch her through the windows like her life was a movie on a tv screen? How could (Y/n) go out and talk to anyone or go anywhere when this person could be following and watching her?

He was jealous when he had no right to be. (Y/n) wasn't in love with him or having an affair or any kind of relationship with him. She was married to Ben, she had every right to be with him out in public and in the safety of their own home that they shared. It wasn't wrong or like she was cheating on anyone when Ben was the one that she loved and was married to.

The thought of someone watching her like that kept rolling around and around in (Y/n)'s head. How could someone do that, how could someone watch her like they had every right to know what she was doing and witness it first hand? How could someone spy on her when she was in her own home and being intimate like that?

(Y/n) pressed both hands to her mouth like she was trying to smother herself as tears blurred her eyes that snapped shut so she didn't have to look at the scrawled handwriting or the furious words that were angry at her for living her own life the way she wanted. Her palms didn't smother the whining cry that left her lips no matter how forcefully she pressed her hands to her mouth or how she contorted her body to fold in on itself.

He was watching her because he thought he had the right. He thought his warped affection and feelings for her gave him the right to watch her having sex with her husband like he had a claim to (Y/n).

Stumbling from her seat, (Y/n) scuffed her toes against the tiled floor as she skidded over to the sink in time to throw up.

She could feel herself trembling and her skin started to prickle as her insides felt like they were on fire but her body was forming a cold sweat. Her head started to spin like a washing machine, tumbling around all the thoughts of what this person had done and what he wanted from her. Why (Y/n)? She wasn't different, she wasn't special or amazing or perfect or someone to be admired. She wasn't any different from anyone else, she wasn't a celebrity or had a job that made her admired like Ben. She was like everyone else, there was nothing that should signal her out in the crowd or make her deserve this.

(Y/n) threw up whatever contents her stomach had but it made her feel so much worse. She felt like she was dying, like her body was overheating and about to shut down from shock.

This wasn't fair.

Why would someone think this was acceptable or a kind thing to do? Why would sending her worrying texts and letters and spying on her be a nice thing to do when this person claimed they were in love with her? This wasn't something people did when they loved someone who didn't love them back, this wasn't something people did when they loved someone, period.

Pulling up from the sink, (Y/n) buried her face in her hands but tears kept falling rapidly from her eyes and her body continued to shake. She didn't want this, it wasn't fair it wasn't nice and it was cruel.

Before (Y/n) registered what she was doing she reached out beside the sink and curled her fingers around a glass before spinning on her heels and lurching the glass down against the floor with a force she didn't know she had. The glass splintered and shattered against the tiles before spreading out like water from a sprinkler, jetting across the floor and sitting in the cracks between the tiles.

A scream left (Y/n)'s lips before she slid down to sit on the floor, pulling her knees up to her stomach and wrapping her arms around them to keep herself small and compact. She buried her head into her knees to try and smother her cries but it didn't work very well.

"Babe what the fuck? (Y/n), what's happened?" Ben danced his petrified eyes around the kitchen, trying to take everything in before he cautiously kneeled down on the floor next to (Y/n). He'd been two seconds away from getting in the shower when he heard (Y/n) scream and when he heard something shattering he thought there was an intruder.

The way (Y/n) was holding herself and crying told Ben it wasn't something like an intruder or a relative dying but it was different and worse than a panic attack which he was able to deal with. (Y/n) wasn't unable to breathe or function, she was screaming about something that Ben couldn't figure out and the shattered glass on the floor implied (Y/n) was enraged more than hurt or scared.

"Babe, I need you away from that glass so I'm gonna move you. Can you tell me what's happened please?"

Ben rested his hands under (Y/n)'s arms so he could pull her up with him, he didn't like her sitting so close to the glass that might already be embedded into her skin and he didn't want her within range of throwing anything else and hurting herself.

He slowly walked (Y/n) to the other side of the kitchen but Ben froze for a second when (Y/n) tore herself out of his grip. He watched her wrap her arms around her chest and dig her nails into her upper arm and at any moment he swore she would start rocking herself back and forth to try and calm down. Ben didn't understand what was happening but he needed (Y/n) to talk to him, for the past week or two she had been worried about something and panicking and it was starting to scare him.

"What's happened, I can't help if you don't talk to me. Is it this?" Ben scanned his eyes around the kitchen wildly before he noticed a letter sitting discarded on the counter.

The moment Ben looked between (Y/n) and the letter he saw it. The spark of fear in her eyes that made his stomach tense and his heart shudder in his chest. Whatever was wrong was because of that letter.

When Ben moved to get the letter (Y/n) stumbled to take it first. She knew Ben had to find out but she didn't want him to read the letter, it was vulgar and crude and insinuated she was cheating when she wasn't. It was horrid and Ben would find the temper he rarely had if he read that letter. (Y/n) would rather tell him what was happening than have him read that.

But as soon as (Y/n) managed to grab the letter, Ben circled his left arm around her waist to pull her back to his chest and he reached with his right hand to try and take the letter from her.

"Baby give it to me- give me the letter!" Ben curled his chest around (Y/n)'s back when she doubled over to try and get out of his hold but she wasn't quick enough. A sob bubbled past her lips when Ben snatched the letter and took a few steps away from her so she couldn't try and take it back. He moved around the kitchen to stop (Y/n) from reaching for the letter before he ended up holding his arm out like a defence movement so he could actually read what the letter was about.

But it was clear the moment he read it over that he was both confused yet understanding the situation. His emerald green eyes darkened until they were a very dark seaweed colour that almost looked black and his face started to blotch red from rage.

"What the fuck is this?" His voice was low and quiet but his tone showed there was more rage and anger inside of him than (Y/n) first thought, but none of that was directed at her. "(Y/n), what is this, what fucker sent this to you?"

"I- I don't know... I've been getting strange texts and then an email from someone but I don't know who it is. They kept saying how am I or have a good day but then they started getting angry asking why I wasn't replying. Ben they- they watched us..."

(Y/n) couldn't finish what she wanted to say due to the tears falling from her eyes and the pent up sobs that were blocking her windpipe. All she wanted to do was scream but she couldn't. Someone was invading their privacy and seemed to be very attached to (Y/n) but she had no idea who it was or why they were doing this. No one she could think of would stoop so low as to torment her like this, she didn't know anyone capable of being this twisted and cruel.

"Someone's been stalking you and you didn't think to tell me?"

"No- they weren't... it was just messages and I blocked them-"

"(Y/n) some sick fucker knows were we live and was clearly watching us have sex. That's a stalker and this twisted bastard has a thing for you. The letter says 'you let him fuck you on the sofa' and this guy thinks when I fuck you that you should be thinking of him. In fact he doesn't think I should be anywhere near you and I'm your husband!"

Ben didn't like the language that was used in the letter at all, it implied that Ben was some vicious or annoying person or just someone who (Y/n) shouldn't be around. And the wording was suggesting that (Y/n) shouldn't be with Ben and the person was jealous about their relationship. Stating that (Y/n) should think or give some kind of thought to this person when she had sex with Ben was warped and it was scary. Someone knew where they lived and was watching them and that told Ben that this was a stalker and they couldn't just ignore this.

He knew this was scary for (Y/n) and it was making her anxious and he understood that completely but she should have told him and they couldn't go on and ignore this, it had to be sorted out.

"I didn't think they would do something like this." (Y/n)'s voice was quiet and when she looked up at Ben through tears a sigh passed through his lips before he moved to wrap his arms around her. This wasn't (Y/n)'s fault and he couldn't blame her for trying to think this wasn't serious. She would feel bad if she made a big thing of it and it turned out to be something insignificant and Ben understood that.

"I know baby, I'm sorry. But they know where we live, they've been watching us and I don't fancy seeing this bastard's reaction to you being pregnant. If being with me clearly angers them, what's me getting you pregnant gonna do to them?" Ben's point made (Y/n) go rigid as she lost her breath for the second time in less than ten minutes.

He was right. How would this stalker react if they found out (Y/n) was pregnant with Ben and not them?

#ben hardy #ben x reader #ben hardy imagine #imagine #BoRhap #dad! ben #deadly obsession

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tomsrebeleyebrow · 4 years

Text

No Judgement | peter parker x chubby!fem!reader

@juliebean247 asked: Hii! I’m pretty new to tumblr but I’ve read most of your work and I’m in love with it all!! I dunno if you do peter x reader (if you don’t that’s ok, just ignore lmao) but maybe where we have chubby!reader who jokingly puts herself down all the time and peter just kinda snaps at her for doing it because he can’t stand the comments she makes- because he’s crushing on her...? Again- you don’t have to do this one or you can change it up!

requests are now closed

Summary: You are you, and damn you love it. Everyone knows it too, and they love you. Joking about yourself is common. But as soon as you feel down, you can’t stop but put yourself down. Sometimes harshly. And Peter can’t take it anymore.

Pairing: Peter Parker x Chubby!Fem!Reader

Warnings: angsty (mention of fat shaming, insecurities), a tiny bit of language (nothing too bad) but fluff at then end

Word Count: 1945

A/N: first time (really) writing about our Spidey boy! 🎉🕷 also I kinda take my time with writing so sorry it took me a bit 😅 but I only feel accomplished when Like what I write sooooo bare with me please? 🙄🙊 anyway! thank you for your request sweetheart, I hope you will all like this little angsty fluffy as much as I do~ 💞 AND LOVE YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU’RE ALL BEAUTIFUL!!! 💖💜💖💜

masterlist

To hell with all beauty standards and perfection stereotypes!

You love your body as it is, from the smallest imperfection on your face to your curves and extra skin. And needless to say you are proud to show it. But sometimes other people’s look can be harsh on you, full of judgements as they don’t even know you but any opportunity is an open door to criticism.

So you got use to it like you didn’t care, and even made fun of it. More like made fun of yourself, actually.

“Man, her legs put together are the size of one thigh of mine!” you chuckle as you eat in the cafeteria next to MJ, Peter and Ned. All the table look at who you are talking about.

MJ playfully elbows you in the waist as she drinks her glass of water. “Shush (Y/N), everyone compares Bethany as a walking chopstick anyway.”

“I knoooow” you reply with a playful tone, munching on your pasta.

“You also look like chopsticks MJ, like from head to toes. Damn girl, you could just fly away with the wind!” you giggle while trying to steal in MJ’s plate. “And I will just stick to the ground like a pole!”

Even if you are laughing at yourself, you are actually the only one. You don’t catch MJ rolling her eyes with an exasperated sigh, Ned being kind of confused and Peter... well, clearly being annoyed.

“Alriiiiiight you little brat, stop talking crap ‘cause you still have to explain the last lesson to me before next class starts” grumbles MJ as she stands, her now empty tray in hand before taking it away.

“Yup girl, coming!” you announce, wiping your mouth with a paper napkin.

Peter follows each of your moves. All done eating you too stand, put your bag on your back and take your tray ready to follow MJ, who is already waiting for you near the exit of the cafeteria.

“Alright guys, see you in chemistry!” you happily sing while showing your biggest smile to the boys before leaving the table to join MJ.

The constant chattering of the students in the background hides the silent at the table. Ned finishes his yogurt before talking to Peter, but he stops himself when he notices his friend’s face. Tensed. Annoyed. And sad maybe? Ned has actually an idea of what is bothering his friend so much but knowing Peter’s personality, it would be a waste of time. Better to skirt the issue.

“(Y/N) is acting a bit weird recently, don’t you think?”

Peter only hums, more focus on mixing what is left of his yogurt than anything else right now. Head low and furrowed eyebrows, he keeps staring at actually nothing, just being lost in his thought and thinking.

Thinking a lot, yes. About you. About how much you put yourself down way too much recently.

He can’t laugh at your cheeky comments anymore. He just can’t.

* * * *

Chemistry is your last class of the day, thanks the lords. You are finally reunited with all your three best friends so, hopefully the hours will pass by faster.

MJ writes (more like scribbles) lazily the answers for the report your duo has to give back at the end of the lesson, while you are the one having fun mixing whatever there is in the test tubes. Then you take an empty one and look through it.

“MJ, look” you whisper to your friend, trying to catch her attention. At first she doesn’t even care to turn her head towards you, until you insist by calling-whispering her name until she finally deigns to glance at you. Not really understanding what you want to show her, MJ brings her lab stool closer to you and frowns as she looks through your test tube. You brings the tube closer to both your faces.

“Look, Lara’s ass is as big as mine now” you kind of try to whisper, as well as not laughing out loud to not get reprimanded by the teacher.

In fact the glass tube deforms everything you look at when watching through it. And in that case, it is changing the shapes of your comrade’s bottom. MJ seems unimpressed and with her well-known bitch resting face, the girl simply goes back to her writings but not without sending you “are you serious?” glances.

Little did you know Peter could hear all your conversation, even three desks behind. The displeased look on his face is immediately showing and he almost breaks the pen he is using to write on the due paper. The slight crack of the plastic draws Ned’s attention.

“Dude, that’s my favourite pen!”

“Sorry, mate” grumbles Peter, putting the pen down and he sighs, leaning his elbows on the lab desk. He exhales loudly while ruffling at his hair.

“You should talk to (Y/N), don’t you think so?” declares Ned as he takes two test tubes in his hands to deal with their contents. “You know, just to tell her how you feel and stuff like that.”

“I don’t know, man” retorts Peter with a low voice, his head now hidden in his arms. “I just- I can’t just say “hey (Y/N), stop running yourself down all the time because you are gorgeous in every way and I had a crush on you since high school and-”

“Peter stop, you’re mumbling like a freak” exclaims Ned, hoping to end his friend’s suffering. “Seriously, I noticed the face you do when she jokes about herself. I mean, maybe she’s not feeling great so you talking to her might sort things out somehow?”

Peter processes Ned’s words as his eyes follows you when you go ask something to the teacher. There is something about the kindness that emanates from your pretty eyes, the pink outline of your lips, the unique way your hair curves perfectly around your round face, but mostly your hourglass figure. Sometimes the boy finds hard to keep his eyes up. But you look so beautiful to him. That is mainly the reason why Peter can’t accept hearing you badmouthing about your appearance anymore.

* * * *

The ringing bell announces the end of today’s lessons. Students are now filling every corridors, some going to their locker and other already leaving the building.

“I need to take some books in my locker, you coming with me MJ?” you ask your friend.

“Sorry, my mum’s picking me up ‘cause we’re going to my grandma this evening so I have to hurry” explains MJ, not too excited about the thought of it.

“I need to go to my locker too” Peter jumps into the conversation. He directly stares at you, a determined look on his face.

“Oh, uhm- alright then!” you cheer blushing a bit, still taken aback by Peter’s serious tone.

You wave goodbye at MJ and Ned as you start walking to your locker, Peter following close to you and receiving two discrete thumbs up from Ned.

The main school corridor is now more empty, the steps of the last students resonating and almost fading little by little. You and Peter stop in front of your lockers, them being next to each other and just do your own things by taking and putting down what you need or not. Peter is more like fiddling with stuff, pretending to do something while his goal was obviously talking to you.

When he ears you zipper your backpack shut and close your locker, he violently - but not intentionally - slams his close a bit too harsh, making the loud metallic slap resonate in the empty corridor. You jump at that too and Peter just wants to facepalm himself at his own stupidity.

“Err (Y/N), can- can we talk?” the boy mutters, now shy because of his sudden loose of confidence.

“Sure Pete, about what?”

Peter gulps as you stare at him, waiting for what he has to say. He is nervous now. How will you react? Good or bad? Will you ignore him after that talk because he offended you or misunderstood the situation? Will you-

“Peter? You’re alright?”

Your soft and worried voice suddenly takes him out of his mixed up thoughts.

“You’re gorgeous (Y/N).”

That is indeed straight to the point. Totally. First you blink a few times, not sure if you heard it right but seeing Peter’s serious face says it all. Your whole face is now blushing at his sudden compliment.

“P-PETER WHY DO YOU-”

“(Y/N), you are the most beautiful girl I know. Like in every way possible. You’re kind, smart, funny, a bit nerdy, outgoing, sometimes eccentric too but it’s part of your personality. But you’re also gorgeous in the way you dress because it shows your beautiful shapes off. You have nothing to be ashamed of in comparison to any other girl. You’re unique and I love everything about you, starting with your cheeks because they’re so round and full, but also your waist because its highlights your defined hips and I could go on and on for hours. It’s everything a boring, shy, awful and introvert guy like me loves. So please, stop putting yourself down all the time. You don’t deserve it and never you will. I don’t like that and I just want you to know that I loved you since high school and that I-”

You cut Peter off in his mumbling by putting both your hands on his mouth. When he finally stops - also remembering to breath again -, he finally notices how much your face and ears are red. You avoid looking at him, still not fully processing all the compliments and obvious declaration of love. Your heartbeats could almost break through your ribcage and your mind is a mess.

Seeing you conflicting with yourself, Peter takes your hands off his mouth and gently keep them in his. His look tries to search for yours.

“(Y/N), I’m serious about what I said. You know I’m awful with words but... Trust me when I say I love everything about you, a lot, so please love yourself as much as I do.”

After calming down a bit, you dare to look at Peter again, his eyes soft and reassuring. You are still at a loose of words because nobody said any of the beautiful things Peter just did to you. Nobody. And it warms your heart knowing that someone loves you how you are. You love it even more because you know it is Peter.

Peter squeezes your hands and with a impulse out of nowhere, he lightly pecks the corner of your mouth. He then moves his face back, smiling warmly at you.

“When you’re with me, there is no judgement (Y/N).”

“J-Jeez, Peter...” you stutter, you face still red of shyness.

“I’m walking you back home, come on” Peter mans himself up, noticing the school is completely empty with not a sound around. Detaching his hands from you, he picks your backpack up to give it to you. You take it with wobbling hands, muttering a shy “thanks” before putting it on your back. Now ready to go, Peter extends one hand for you to take and this time, you don't have to be told twice.

Hand in hands, fingers intertwine, you both walk through the long corridor, only you two remaining here. Peter’s warm hand reassures you in a strange way. But you like it.

And you can’t stop the content smile growing on your face as you sneak a look at the boy who just proved you are worth it. Inside out. From head to toes.

And boy do you love this feeling.

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indianamoonshine · 4 years

Text

solo’s copilot ♡ chapter three / “velvet things”

summary: she huffs with amusement, shaking her hand. "You're gonna get dicked down so good tonight." | the process of sex isn’t easy. and you had no idea what you’re doing. how the fuck do you avoid razor burn?

rating: m

"Ben Solo, don't you dare drop me!"

You try to sound as assertive as you could, but it was nearly impossible with the cackling erupting from you. It was the flirtatious kind of laughter - the giggles that only a partner could conjure from their lover. You squealed playfully and protested weakly by thumping your measly fists against his back. Once or twice he's had to settle you into place, grabbing ahold of your hips, and tugging you forward from eating dirt.

He's been walking leisurely back to base while tottering you over his shoulder, snickering also coming from him in a throaty way. "I'm not gonna drop you!" he returns and swats your ass for the third time. It evokes a yelp and a heated blush. He knows it, too.

"You don't know that!" you simper. "How many drinks have you had?"

Ben scoffs. "You do realize I have reflexes better than anyone you know, right?" he pauses, pleased with himself. And while you can't see his expression (from facing the ground, which very unfortunately obstructs your view), you can tell he's smirking. His voice becomes more lazy when he does and an octave lower; it's his ace-in-the-hand, but you'd never tell him that. "And besides, I'm gonna need you to be in your best condition tonight."

This elicits an instinctual whimper.

"Oh ho oh," Ben teases. "What was that?"

You pout, coquettishly of course, and wriggle in his arms. "You're making me blush."

"I intend to," he hums.

The hangar of the base is pitch-black, the only light illuminating from it from the hallway leading to the quarters. Everyone on base slept in a dormitory which was a little too crowded and, thus, woke everyone up from the slightest bit of noise. Maybe this wasn't the most ideal place to have sex - maybe this is why they made it so congested. Sex wasn't against regulation, but pregnancy got you kicked out of the Resistance and the majority didn't want to risk it. Not to say they didn't wander into the woods, disappear for a few hours, and then come back with flushed face.

Ben must've been thinking the same thing. "Should we go to the Falcon? Is that okay with you?" he pauses. "I mean, it being your first time and all..."

You try your best to swing forward to face him, but after a few attempts you give up with a sigh. He tries to contain his laughter while swinging you around and then lifting you against his chest. His forehead presses to yours and he kisses you slowly, deeply. It takes a lot for you to pull back and answer him.

"I just want you," you whisper against him.

You swear you feel his breath catch before he presses a kiss to the tip of your nose. "That's what I wanted to hear," he mumbles, voice thick and skin burning beneath you. His hands grip your thighs more firmly, surely pressing his fingers into the fat so roughly that you'd bruise. Good.

You smile against his mouth. "I need to use the shower really quick."

He nods. "Of course," he breathes, heart accelerating in his chest. A wicked part of you hoped he was picturing you naked, skin wet, and flushed from heat.

"Don't take too long."

♡ ♡

"Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit."

As soon as you'd entered your dorm, you've stripped of your clothing and abandoned them on the floor while sprinting to the refresher. No time to waste. If you took too long you feared he'd loose interest and save it for a rainy day. Time was of the essence and that time was ticking away so loudly that you swore you could hear it. If you cracked open your head while sliding across the tile, so be it.

The shower was hot and it melted all the grime and grease you've accumulated throughout the day. You tried to focus on cleaning every crevice of your body. Every nook, every cranny - even the spots that were pretty much impossible to reach. You prayed that the sweet fragrance of the gel might cover any kind of hidden body odor you might not notice. You'd even used the gel strictly used for vaginal purposes, despite how many times you convinced yourself it was bad for you. And maybe it was, but the idea that you could smell there was almost unbearable.

The razor was taunting you as it lay on the shelf. Maybe Tasha was right - maybe you should shave. You weren't a stranger to the process, but it was a pain in the ass to deal with. You'd always gotten some sort of rash or bumps that made the entire ordeal simply fruitless so you vowed to stay away from it by whatever means. But you had this urge - this desire - to impress Ben that you were willing to go through the painfully detailed process.

Maybe Tasha had a way of avoiding razor burn. So you did the only thing you could think of.

Once stepped outside of the shower, you search for Tasha's contact on the commlink with fumbling hands. It takes a moment to connect and each beep sends a jolt of fear in your abdomen; what if she didn't answer? Who the fuck could you go to if Tasha wasn't available?

You almost give up just before she sounds at the other end of the line.

"Hey, you okay?" she asks, concern etching her tone. In the background is the raging noise of the The Water Hole. She probably thought you and Ben decided not to go through with it - at this point, you weren't sure if you'd be more disappointed or she would.

You groan, hands covering your face. "Tasha, I need help."

"What's up? Are you guys still..." she begins.

You cut her off. "Yes, yes. I'm trying to get ready and I have no idea how to avoid razor burn or whatever."

She can tell you're terrified by the way you interrupt her, your words stringing together so quickly that it was nearly impossible to understand what you were saying. She knew you well enough to know you were probably having the biggest panic attack of your life so she doesn't ask anymore questions.

"I'll be right there."

♡ ♡ ♡

Tasha has the passcode to your room so she waltzes in without buzzing.

She immediately gets to work, rummaging around your drawers and shelves as you sit in the center of the room, knees brought up to your chest. The towel is now dripping wet from your sopping head of hair, causing you to shiver from the dampness. Once she finds a bottle of oil, she tosses it to you and you manage to catch it as she fetches a jar of lotion, bacta gel, and the razor.

She kneels in front of you, presenting the two items. "Pirum oil stops bumps. Bacta gel avoids rash. And lotion makes it smooth." She sets the items on the ground. "Draw a bath real quick and shave underneath the water."

"Okay..." you say, heading to the tub and turning the knob. When you find her leaving for your bedroom you fearfully shriek, "Where are you going?!"

Tasha yells from the other room. "Do you have a t-shirt of Ben's?!"

"Uh..." you think for a minute, slipping into the water and begin to prep like she said to. "I don't think so."

You hear her groan a little, drawers slamming shut, and the mechanics of your closet doors opening. "What about a.." she stops short and then chuckles manically.

"What?!" you ask, cringing as you begin to shave. What a mess.

Tasha says cheerfully, "You're such a fuckin' liar!"

Any and all ideas as to what she means swim through your mind. What the hell was she talking about? "I don't...what?!" Maybe you did have a t-shirt of his?

"Ah ha!" she jubilantly exclaims. "You're more of a minx as you let on!"

You're becoming annoyed by how she dances around her mysterious finding. You growl, "Shut up and tell me!"

Footsteps quickly sound about the room and she returns with a pair of panties and a bra you'd never seen before in your life. They were brand new too, the security tag hanging limply and the price on it proclaiming a whopping 229 credits. It was a matching set, emerald green, with the thick straps holding up the cups graced with delicate lace. The panties were high waisted, lacy as well, but velvet and incredibly soft. By the cost alone you knew it was high end, but the fabric was stunning - you knew the difference between cheap and...well...not so cheap.

Your jaw drops and you almost cut yourself with the blade in your hand. "What the fuck."

Tasha giggles with excitement as you sit still in the water, body paralyzed with something you've never experienced before, and heart thumping violently against your ribcage. Were you having a heart attack? Is this what cardiac arrest feels like? She hands you a piece of parchment paper that's folded neatly with your name written on it by a skilled hand. Parchment. Calligraphy. Ben.

You blush. It creeps on your cheeks before you can even control it. You take a deep, unstable breath and carefully peel open the letter. You bite your lip as you read his message, his handwriting flawless and legible:

For when the time is right.

As you stare at the letter, you gulp and pray that Tasha can't see the drool of your pussy beneath the water. You fold the note closed and give it back to her with trembling hands as your way of giving her permission to read it. She does, eyes scanning the simple promise, and raises a hand to cover her mouth in awe. It takes a lot to impress Tasha, so you know that you're not overreacting when she raises her eyebrows and chuckles under her breath.

She huffs with amusement, shaking her hand. "You're gonna get dicked down so good tonight."

You want to interject but you can't. She's right and there's no use in denying it. Your fear has risen to inhumane levels and you imagine sirens going off in your head, your nerves alighting with an all consuming fire. He's about to give you a fucking orgasm and he hasn't even touched you yet. How could you possibly live up to his expectations? His experience was way out of your league and his ability to swoon you by just a handwritten note - something that wasn't ever practiced in society anymore - was overwhelming. He'd taken his time out to pick out this lingerie, to sit down and write you a goddamned letter, and you're, what? Shaving for him?

Tasha urges you with the wave of her hands. "Come on! Hurry up! You cannot keep this man waiting any longer."

So you do. And, strangely enough, you're satisfied with the result. Tasha's hoe-tip had actually worked and you were smooth as baby's bottom. Before she left, she picked out the perfume you "absolutely had to wear", kissed you on the cheek and said, "Tonight is gonna turn you into a slut and I cannot wait!" while walking out the door.

And then you were alone.

All is silent. Tasha can't hype you up anymore - that was solely up to you now. You stare at the lingerie laid out on the bed in all its exorbitant glory while feeling ridiculously inadequate of putting it on your body. You wanted to wear - really. But could you pull it off well enough to alight something in Ben? You try to convince yourself you could - that he bought you this with you in mind. He'd never seen you naked before, so how the hell would he know? What if his idea of you was way off? It probably was. Ben's laid with many women, including Rey, who had the kind of body that one saw in Twi'lek porn.

"Don't be a fucking coward," you scold yourself, reaching for the set.

You slip it on carefully to avoid any kind of rip in the seam and it hits you then that Ben had guessed your size and he'd guessed it...perfectly. Had he figured out your measurements just by watching you move? Had he gawked over you enough that he did the math in his head until he was satisfied? Did this mean he was aware of what you may look like underneath your clothes? Surely he had. And you didn't know what to think of that; how Ben's eyes have wandered and studied the way your ass curved or how your breasts filled out your tops.

Oh, gods. He knew your fucking body before laying bared hands on it.

But this swells you with pride. Suddenly, you felt more beautiful than you had in your life, like you were some sort of ethereal being that he worshipped silently. You tug on the bra as quickly as you can without damaging it and, sure enough, your breasts fit perfectly within the cups; no spillage or tightness that caused overflow on your back. The mirror against your wall reflects back at you a woman you didn't recognize because she looked confident. Satisfied. Even your skin glowed, all imperfections seemed to have disappeared along with the damage of your hair. It was luscious, full, and rich in color even after drying it on the highest temperature. Your eyes sparkled bright and bushy tailed as you gawk over your own reflection.

You couldn't wait anymore. You grab your robe (which is literally the most inconspicuous piece of clothing you wore, as it was littered with holes and frayed string) and sprint out into the hangar.

It was there where The Falcon sat alight, glowing with warmth, and waiting impatiently for your arrival.

#okay so this is really how it be before sex #kylo x reader #kylo ren x reader #ben solo x reader #mw1 #kylo ren headcanons #ben solo headcanons

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ghostofbambifanfiction · 4 years

Note

So motivated by anyone who shares they are working on losing weight. FYI 10kg is nothing to sniff at, esp. if you're not being too restrictive (as a lot of restrictive diets basically make you lose water weight at first, prob not your case). Keep it up!! If you don't mind answering, what are your goals?

I don’t mind, but I’m putting it under a cut because it’s going to be a looooooonnnnng ass ramble and I’m going to include some pics and I’m aware that I’ve already clogged everyone’s timelines with enough pictures today. Before I go off on my tangent, though, I want to make it really clear that I firmly believe that any person can be beautiful and love the way they look at any size. This is something that I am fighting very hard to believe about myself, too, regardless of what weight I am. I am not at all a believer in slimming down for the sake of vanity (despite my negative opinion of my own looks, vanity has never been a big enough motivator for me to lose weight), but this has progressed to the point where vanity isn’t even a consideration anymore.

Okay, so, backstory. When I first moved to England, I weighed 140lbs (63.5kg) and I looked like THIS ↓

Aren’t I BEAUTIFUL? I think so, even if nobody else does, I think so. I think so now. That part matters.

I can distinctly remember that when all three of these photos were taken, you see. I also distinctly remember looking at each one afterwards and thinking, “Fat, repulsive, disgusting.” Fat, repulsive, disgusting. That was my opinion of myself. I repeated those words in my head on a daily basis. I truly believed them. Hence, I’m wearing the same ugly cardigan in two of those pictures, because whenever I wore pretty clothes I felt so undeserving that I was compelled to cover them up with something ugly (the red dress is an anomaly because there was a dress code involved). EVERY TIME. It practically become automatic. “I’ve spent £40 on this dress, so what can I cover it with?” was basically my mantra. It was fine, I thought, because I didn’t care about pretty clothes. Liking pretty clothes was beneath me. This was a lie. I love pretty clothes. I love bright colours. I was drawing pictures of pretty gowns and tiaras from the age of six. But hey, easier to pretend that you don’t give a shit about pretty dresses than admit that you don’t feel worthy of wearing them.

I am seven whole-ass years older now, and I topped out at 283lbs (128kg) on the scales fives weeks ago. That is the heaviest I have ever been. I have doubled my body weight. By medical standards, I am extremely obese, and I’ve had seven whole-ass years to think on how I behaved back then. I’ve thought a lot about how much I hated my body and how undeserving I felt and how I stuffed myself full of junk food and said it didn’t matter because I was repulsive anyway, so why not? I wasn’t being kind to myself. How can I be a kind person if I don’t treat myself kindly? My own self-loathing has cost me my health, because in 2013, I didn’t need to take stomach tablets every day. I wasn’t vomiting a few times a week because of chronic digestive issues. I had regular periods. I lived in Sunderland and would get out of bed on my days off and walk three miles to Seaburn beach, just to hang out with a book and build sandcastles and paddle in the water and thoroughly enjoy my life. I had the ability to do that without wanting to collapse. I had the energy to write for hours on end without getting sleepy after forty minutes. I had lots of energy, lots of it!

I don’t have the luxury of enjoying any of that stuff now. I have lethargy and sluggishness and I get breathless walking up the stairs, and a huge part of that is because I have gained so much weight over the years, and because I have been eating things that specifically exacerbate my digestive issues. And I’m sick of it. My brother’s lottery win has been the most insane blessing to my family in that it is allowing us all to live out our wildest travelling dreams, and I don’t want to be the person who takes an eight hour flight to Paradise, only to sit around and do nothing because she just doesn’t have the strength. There is an eleven-year-old diamond in my life who I would do anything for, and I want more than anything to be able to bring him places and have fun with him and partake, instead of sitting on the sidelines holding coats because I am too fat to ride the rollercoaster (which happened to me, FYI, shout out to Port Aventura for sticking to safety measures, though the woman manning the coaster didn’t have to poke my thigh and say, “fat,” to make her point clear).

The thing is, and maybe this is a tl;dr moment that could have saved me a lot of trouble, but I am unhealthy and I’m tired and this is like...my life. My one life. What am I doing? I owe it to myself to treat my body better.

So these are my aims.

I want to get back to 140lbs. That is a healthy and reasonable weight for my height and body type. I am aware that I will not look the way I did in 2013 because I am seven years older, but I don’t care. I am aware that I will have loose skin and a belly and wobbly thighs when I reach this weight, but I don’t care. I will have energy. I will be healthier. I will be able to bring my stepson to all kinds of places and have the most fun with him.

No fad diets ever. This is all I’ve ever tried before, and the end result has always been the same: lose a bit and put it back on. I am making legitimate and incremental changes to my lifestyle. I am building lasting habits. I will weigh myself once a week to keep track of how I’m doing, but never more than that. I will exercise every day for a small amount of time, but if I miss a day for any reason, I won’t beat myself up about it. I will not skip meals. I will not deprive myself of food.

I am an excellent cook and I love trying new things, so I will be using that skill to find and experiment with new, delicious recipes from all over the world for my family to eat. Once lockdown ends, I’m going to start throwing dinner parties. I think this will really help me to change my attitude towards food and make meals fun for me, rather than a self-inflicted punishment.

No denying myself things. If I want to get a McDonalds I will get a McDonalds because, y’know what? Tomorrow I am going to have lots of veggies and cook myself a good, nutritious dinner, and that McDonalds won’t be anything but a delicious interlude in my week that I am not going to feel bad about.

No hiding myself in drab clothes. I hate wearing brown, grey and black and yet it accounts for most of my wardrobe. Both of those cardigan pics were taken in the middle of summer. I have wasted years of my life sweating it out in long sleeves and leggings so other people wouldn’t see, and for who? For what purpose? I am going to buy all the pretty clothes I like, wear loads of bright colours. Fuck it, it’s just for me.

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madfatty · 4 years

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the finn nelson agenda - an mmfd fic #27

Long time, no see. I come bearing gift. Consider this my woefully inadequate attempt to distract you for a few moments from the shit-show that is now.

The plan is for this to be one of eight or nine stories about Finn falling for Rae, as told by the people who watched it happened. The collection is tentatively titled, ‘Why Are You So Blind?” and this one is from Finn’s POV.

What I’ve learned is that I can’t write it in the order that it ought to be read, so they’ll go up as they’re finished (if they’re finished). This is probably third or fourth from the end, so for the time being, we’ll pretend it’s a stand alone.

My thanks to the most lovely and much missed @bitchy-broken for planting the seed and my dearest @slitherouter for listening to me read it in many of it’s various forms and for the words that inspired both me and the title

.. my secret agenda is actually just to sit in your room and show you my favorite songs while you explain different things you have on your wall or your desk to me

Things Finn Nelson says

(a thing that Shiri said. I mean, *GAH* right. I love her SO much.)

Ta very much to @late-to-the-sexy-party for her thoughts and enthusiasm. Big love and thanks to the wondrous @endemictoearth for giving it a twice-over and the benefit of her talent and experience. She made it infinitely better. Thank you, my gorgeous.

And finally, thank you dear reader, for giving this a go.

the finn nelson agenda

It’s one of those lazy, late summer days he’d spent all term daydreaming about, slouched in the back corner of some classroom, tapping out bass lines on his desk or scribbling band names and song lyrics all over his binder. Staring out the window while elaborate fantasies built of music, football and girls, all vividly drawn, played out against the white noise of his reality. He feels the waste of it; counting down the seconds to the end of the hour, the end of the day, the end of school.

None of that matters now. There are still weeks left of the holidays and each day is filled with even more promise now that Rae’s around. Days like today. While there are thousands of elsewheres he imagines himself being between nine and three during term, today Rutlands will do just fine.

All his mates are here, there’s tunes and booze and a sense of time being stretched out and suspended in the liquid amber of the golden afternoon. It’s almost perfect. The only thing missing is the girl. And fingers crossed, she’ll be here soon too, because Finn’s beginning to realise things are just better when she’s there.

Where was she though? He’s been a twitching mess the whole time they’ve been here, checking his watch every few seconds, never registering the time, but still feeling the drag of it. Not toward the end of something now, but the start.

Ever since the party, he’s tried to find time every day to get her on own, but it isn’t easy. She’s quickly become the centre around which they all revolve, so competition for her attention is huge. This means he spends a lot of his time waiting to share hers. He prowls an invisible periphery, ever watchful for his chance. They don’t come up nearly as often as he’d like so he’s had to get creative.

Now, depending on how late he gets in from a long day of almost being together, there’s a new nightly ritual he follows; home, a quick shower and something to eat, then he makes a mug of tea and a cosy nest and dials her number with shaking hands. The last of his preparations is pressing ‘play’ on the carefully curated backing tracking for their conversation while he listens nervously for her to pick up.

Even then, he has to share her with her family. The sniping and the bickering between her and her mum, the deep warm tones of a hesitant male voice, a rumble in the background.

He can hear the life she complains about going on behind her, crowded and noisy and messy; the chaos and the lack of privacy, he can’t help feel how much he wants to be in the middle of it.

What he’d really like is to show up at her door with a bag full of music and a couple of sneaky cans of lager. He’d happily listen to her mum bitch about the ladies she works with at the hospital and watch football with Karim or help out with the birds if it means that eventually, they can escape upstairs to her room, because even though Finn’s only really been to her house the once, (if you didn’t count the apology), he likes it there. Finn’s got a secret wish; to sit in her room, sharing his favourite songs while she talks about her books, and her posters and all those weird little toy things that cover her desk. He wants to find out about all of it. To know everything about her.

However, despite his best -obvious, desperate - efforts, she hasn’t taken any of the heavy hints he’s dropped to ask him over again, so he’s going to invite her ‘round to his. He’s going to ask her today because he wants so badly for her to come and fill his house with her smile and her smell and her stories and yeah, to make some stories of their own.

He’d tried again, last night at the pub. Just as they were all getting ready to leave, with his heart in his mouth - ‘cause that’s always where it is when Rae’s around, when it’s not in his eyes or on his sleeve, - he’d stuttered out an offer to collect her this morning. His plan was to get there super early so they could just hang out on their own. He’d been prepared for her ‘no’ but it didn’t stop the curl of disappointment when she gave it.

Sometimes he worries that that night at hers didn’t mean as much to Rae as it did (hell, still DOES) to him, that it was just a random kindness, not the revelation that he’d felt, and to her he was just a guy having a bad night that she’d taken pity on. Other times, he believes she can feel this thread between them too. A delicate thing but he thinks it’s getting stronger, can feel it getting tighter somewhere around his ribs. No longer nothing, but not quite the something he’s hoping for.

Finn doesn’t want to test that thread, in case he tugs too hard and it snaps. He can’t help feeling that he needs to do something though, because it doesn’t matter what Archie says about it, there’s this niggle inside him that says all it would take would be for Archie to finally decide that he really did want her, and with the crook of his finger, Rae would come running.

He’s separated himself slightly from the others, coiled up tight in the shade of a nearby tree, his back to the bark, the pinch and bite of it through his t-shirt not enough to distract him from his vigil.

Cigarette butts lie in an untidy circle around his feet. His ears are straining past the drone of the radio and the fat buzzing noise of insects, tuning out the prattle of the others for the first sign of her. Her name caught up in the pulse behind his eyes. Everything is so loud inside his head.

He’s about to risk asking Izzy for a third time if she’s sure Rae knew exactly where they’d be when Rae appears. The anxiety of her absence is replaced with the relief of her proximity. The physical response is exactly the same. The next breath he takes is easier than the one before.

He doesn’t care what it looks like. It’s not enough to be near her anymore; he can’t bear any distance between them. It makes him brave. Or crazy.

Without consultation, his body moves with deliberate intent. He turns the music up, up, and reaches for another can, trying to fill his belly with something other than butterflies, hoping that his counterfeit swagger hides the jelly of his knees. Finn lets himself fall – continue to fall, he’s been falling for a week, pushed from a plane without a parachute – to land beside to her.

He must have lost his mind. It’s the only way to explain his behaviour. He’s got her pinned to the ground from shoulder to ankle like some sort of lunatic but that’s not the insane part. No, the insane part is his brain trying to convince him that if he doesn’t grab hold of her hand like he so desperately wants to, she won’t notice that he has her pinned to the ground from shoulder to ankle like some sort of lunatic. For fuck’s sake, it’s screaming, don’t hold her hand because then she’ll know. Like that’s where all his subtlety would disappear. He holds fast to his wrist, pinning the would-be offending hand to his chest; a single idiotic attempt at self-restraint.

It’s all he can do to lie here, outwardly calm while inside he’s vibrating so hard his teeth are rattling, his heart bouncing so fiercely off his ribs any minute now he’ll come loose from the ground. His tongue lies thick and useless in his mouth, dry despite the beer.

He hopes his deafening silence reads like casual confidence to her.

The weight of the sun and the heat from the ground beneath him, simultaneously seeps in and rises up to meet in the middle of him. Yet neither burns him like the length of her body under the press of his arm and the cage of his legs. A sheen of sweat covers his body, caught between his skin and his clothes. It tickles along his hairline, behind his ears and slides down the sides of his neck.

Everything inside the moment is sharp and highly defined. He can feel each breath that fills her lungs. Everything outside of a three foot radius blurs in his field of vision. It’s coming in waves, all at once and he doesn’t know which bits to savour, which bits to focus on and what to put away for later. He has to keep sneaking looks at her just to make sure this is really happening. Rae on the other hand, has her face turned skyward, barely acknowledging his presence, unmoved by the miracle that’s changing his life.

He’s filling up with her. His head, his heart, his bones. Every nerve is exposed. It’s all stinging nettles and ants itching under his skin.

He couldn’t have stood if you paid him. Dizzy from the blood roaring in his ears before it raced south.

She hasn’t pushed him away.

What would she do, if he just stopped thinking and did what his body was screaming out to do; if he rolled over and covered her body with his own. What would she say? If he gave in to the impulse and kissed those maddening pink lips, lush and full, and coaxed her sharp acid tongue into his own mouth, to taste the sweetness he’s seen her gift to others?

What she must feel like under the long cotton sleeves of her shirt, and what might that do to him; finally touching her skin. He’s never fantasised about forearms before, or calves or even feet. Her pale wrist under his thick fingers, or the crook of her elbow beneath his lips. The curve of her shoulder, the tip of her ear, the back of her knee. To see and touch and memorize. To know if his hands have guessed the way of her correctly.

Lying here, so close to everything he longs for, his thoughts slide inevitably to those most recently taken up residence in his brain, a divine carnal loop he indulges in almost hourly, the heavy press of her breasts against him, the torment of that smug mouth around his cock, the taste of her cunt, should he ever be blessed enough to be invited.

He has to stop that line of thought before his body gives him away. Before he can’t help himself anymore and he takes hold of her hand and places it on his hardening cock – do you see now? This is what being near you does to me. This is me, all the time, thinking about the back of your neck and the length of your leg and what sort of knickers you’re wearing or if you’re wearing any knickers at all. Look at me Rae, I’m trying to tell you that I … that I’m a mess about you. My head and my sheets and my record collection. The smell of green apple makes me hard, costs my dad a fortune at the green grocers. I can’t sleep, can’t leave myself alone, imagining your hand down my pants, your tongue in my mouth, the sounds that you’d make with my fingers inside you. I… I… Even in his own head he can’t say the word. Even he knows it’s too soon, but… Like is not enough, although he does like her. Desire is a stupid overused word, a song lyric that rhymes with ‘fire’. Want. He definitely wants her.

Can you see, Rae?

He can’t tell which one of them is trembling.

She still hasn’t pushed him away.

She’s quiet. He doesn’t like it as much when she’s quiet; it makes him nervous. Everything about her makes him nervous but at least when she’s talking, he has some idea of what she’s thinking and right now he needs to know what’s going on in her head. So he asks.

Her answer makes him laugh. It’s not exactly what he was hoping for until she laughs too. It’s treacle over his jangled nerves. They take the same breath and he feels her relax beneath him, which is when his brain detonates.

With the shittest timing in the world, Chop’s hissing Kendo’s name.

Kendo’s a mate of Chop’s older brother Robbie and a wannabe hard man. He’s also a prize dickhead but that doesn’t stop Chop trying too hard to look cool in front of him, although Finn can see he’s shitting himself in case Kendo makes him look like a twat. Right now, Finn thinks Chop’s doing okay on his own on that score.

Rae stiffens. She sits up and Finn can’t help but follow, caught up as he is in her gravitational pull. All the ease from a few seconds before is gone. Everything that’s said in the next two minutes sounds like it’s being spoken underwater because Finn can’t focus on anything but the distance she’s trying to put between them without physically moving.

The damage is done by the time Kendo finally slithers off, dragging the corpse of the mood he’s killed behind him.

Finn’s still up in his head about how he’s going to get Rae to lay back down with him or if that moment’s gone for good, so he’s not really listening when Chloe asks her question. He says ‘yeah, course’ two seconds before his brain catches up with his mouth and just as he’s trying to scramble back from his offer, Rae’s telling them she can’t go. The ground drops out from under him and his heart is flailing, doing a Wile E. Coyote over his gut.

Wait, wait, a minute ago we were on our way to perfect. Fucking Chop. Fucking Kendo. Fucking fuck.

He’s reeling but before he can find a way to get them back to where they were, a shadow falls over them and Chloe’s voice, brittle and insistent.

“Rae, can I speak with you? Privately.”

Fucking Chloe.

For a moment hope soars because he can feel Rae’s reluctance to move but it’s only for a moment; she’s pulling away now and she’s taking all the warm and the hope with her. He sits there among the shattered bits of the beautiful bubble they’d been floating in, with his unasked question filling up his throat and his eyes closed because he can’t stand to watch her walk away.

#madfatty spouts off #mmfd fanfic #the finn nelson agenda #a part of the 'why are you so blind?' collection #if and when it eventuates #i made this #27 #i'll fix any fuckups tomorrow #now i gotta sleep

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aleniksimmer · 4 years

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Update on Stige

I decided to make a new post since the pinned one was becoming pretty long.

TRIGGER WARNING: THERE IS BLOOD AND AN OPEN WOUND UNDER THE CAT, IF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE PLEASE BLOCK THE TAGS blood, tw blood, wound, open wound, tw wound, tw open wound

First of all, I’m pretty sure Stige is a female (I never had male adult cats and I may sound embarassing saying this, but she has two “holes” like my cat under the tail, so female it is?).

She is extremely underweight and she has no will or ability to hunt in her condition (she can climb the net fence if she’s scared but I don’t think it’s good for her now). I don’t know why but she only eats a lot when I’m around, I make sure she has food for the night every afternoon but in the morning I basically find it untouched, she only starts eating when she sees me. Petting her is like petting skin and bones, in the pic you can see how her hips protrude. My cat is very skinny during summer (and fat in winter) but never at this level, I’m afraid she might have some stomach parasite too or something similar.

This is the most evident spot were she lost her fur. I don’t know what happened, maybe she scratched herself, but I noticed she looses small chunks of fur on her head too.

This is after she ate, it’s the most relaxed I’ve ever seen her. At some point she even started sleeping (while purring) and worried me cause she hide her whole face inside the grass. I pet her through the whole meal, and pick her up several time so she gets used to it. She doesn’t seem to be bothered and sometimes she forgets about the food and starts purring if I hit the right spot, but if I try to pet her when she’s not eating she’s still scared and I need to be able to touch her cheek or head before she remembers that petting is actually good (I think she might have been manhandled that’s why she’s scared of hands approaching).

Now the ugly part, blood and open wound under the cut.

This is her left ear (adorable little ears I might say), she has some scratches here and there, a lot of parasites and dirt and some keratine like hard structures (not really sure what they are) but it’s pretty stable since the first time I could take a look.

The right ear is not okay at all and yesterday wasn’t like this. Yesterday the wound was pretty clean and there wasn’t blood, just a very ugly “skinned alive part of her upper face” (like, I could see the flesh and the fat clusters underneath) and the usual half cat ear, and I thought that’s good, if she stays like this till saturday (when my father can help me build the cage) it’s nice, I can monitor her and all. But this afternoon I found this and I almost cried, I don’t know how much pain she must be in now and I feel so helpless. I think since the wound was starting to heal up she might have itched and she scratched herself, causing it to open again. I also think she tried to wash the blood out of her face even if I never saw her clean herself. I’m afraid the wound might start to get infected since there are a lot of flies where she hides (and it’s pretty dirt in general).

Tomorrow I’ll try my best to bring her to the vet, even if I don’t know where to put her after, but I’ll be more calm knowing she is under some antibiotics/meds even if she ends up hiding in the same spot after. At least she will be some kind of protected and maybe the vet can also stitch up her ear so the flesh isn’t exposed anymore.

PS: my cat despise me. In the last couple of days she watched me pet Stige with the most betrayed expression a cat can make, and proceeded to ignore me when I called her. At the same time she rubs herself all over me whenever she can and the cherry on top is that this morning, when I was petting her, she took my hand as a pray and tried to kick it away from my arm and bite me, something she never did in these 9 years. I know she’s extremely agitated by the situation, but I hope that with time she can adapt to it.

PPS: sorry if I haven’t checked the DMs yet, I’ll do it as soon as possible. Thanks for being so patient with me.

#stige #no sim #cat #cat help #blood #open wound #tw blood #tw open wound #wound #tw wound #long post

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merakiaes · 5 years

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Caught In The Act - Draco Malfoy

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader

Requested: Yes

Warnings/notes: For anon! It’s really bad because I’m practically half-asleep, and probably slightly OOC but I hope you like it anyways! I tried to make it fluffy, but I failed xD

Wordcount: 2275

Summary: Your friends, the golden trio, has been taking note of your strange behavior lately. They follow you after you run off and catch you sneaking around with their sworn enemy.

It was a calm Friday afternoon in the Gryffindor common room. You were sitting around the fire with the golden trio, Hermione and yourself studying for the upcoming Charms’ test while Harry and Ron were playing a game of Wizard’s Chess.

You found yourself unable to focus on your task at hand, your attention instead being drawn to the clock on the wall time after time. Hermione, finally catching on that you weren’t listening to a single word coming out of her mouth, nudged you in your side, following you gaze before looking at you.

“Why do you keep looking at the clock, (Y/N)? Do you have somewhere else to be?” She asked finally, pulling you back to reality and causing you to jump in your spot.

Turning to her, you gave her an apologetic smile. “Yeah, actually, I just realized I forgot my Transfiguration book in the classroom, I’ll see you guys later. Bye!” You hurried out before standing up, giving them no time to respond before rushing out of the portrait and taking off down the stairs.

Harry, Ron and Hermione exchanged a look, before looking to the table where you had left all of your things.

“Her Transfiguration book is right there.” Harry stated, eyeing the book that was flipped open on the table.

Ron scoffed. “She’s been running off a lot lately, what could she even be up to?”

“I don’t know.” Hermione hummed, slowly closing the book in her lap and standing up. “But I think it’s time we find out. Whatever it is, she shouldn’t have to hide it from us.”

You didn’t even remember how you had gotten into this mess in the first place. A Gryffindor and a Slytherin? That was not something you saw every day, especially not when the Gryffindor in question was best friends with the golden trio and the Slytherin was their sworn enemy.

But here you were, giggles and chuckles bubbling up your throat as Draco left a trail of kisses down your neck and shoulder where he had brushed your shirt to the side to expose the soft, sensitive skin.

“I love you…” Draco mumbled as he kept kissing you, his words slightly muffled as his lips were pressed against your skin.

You bit your lips, leaning your head back against the trunk of the tree and letting your eyes fall shut at the feeling. “I love you, too.”

You felt Draco smile in the crook of your neck, and before you knew it his lips were back on yours, moving in sync as his hands moved to the small of your back, your own hands settling in his hair and pulling at the strands softly.

A small moan left your mouth at the feeling of his fingers sneaking under the fabric of your shirt to caress the skin of your waist, the sound being swallowed by the feverish kiss you were sharing.

“Draco…”

The boy in question hummed as a response, moving even closer to you and pushing your back against the rough bark of the tree gently, one of his hands moving from your waist to rest next to your head on the tree trunk.

He broke the kiss briefly, muttering out a small “I love you,” before reattaching them again, and then repeating the small pattern a few times, until suddenly, a twig snapped somewhere to the side, causing you to break apart.

Turning your heads to the source of the sound, you were face to face with a shocked and very furious golden trio.

“Crap. Guys, I can explain.” You hurried, pushing yourself off the tree, but not away from Draco, instead letting your arm fall to your side to capture his hand, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Ron.

“Merlin’s beard, (Y/N)! What are you thinking?!” The ginger boy exclaimed loudly, walking forward with Hermione and Harry close behind. His freckled face was nothing but furious as he stared at you, the betrayal evident in his eyes.

As Ron went to charge for Draco, the silver haired boy wasted no time in pushing you behind him, but before Ron could land a blow in his face, Harry and Hermione held him back.

“Oh, would you quit it, Ronald!” Hermione yelled out, struggling to hold on to the boy’s struggling arm. “At least let her explain before you do anything drastic!”

You turned to her, giving her a soft smile in thanks, but you could see the betrayal clearly on her face, too. Turning back to Ron, you spoke up. “Alright, I’m just going to go ahead and say it. Draco and I have been sneaking around behind your backs for six months. There’s no need in denying the obvious and sugarcoating the truth. Was it wrong to keep it from you? Yes. Do I regret it? Also yes. But do I regret being with Draco? No, not in a million years, which is why I will never stop being with him. And if that means you won’t want to be friends with me anymore, then so be it. But before you make that decision, I want you to listen to me.”

Taking a deep, shaky breath, you continued. ”I don’t know who started it, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was Draco and I know it’s not an excuse, but somewhere in the middle of your seemingly everlasting, and frankly very stupid, rivalry, he kept going simply because he wanted to defend himself in order to not be looked down on. Again, not an excuse, I know that. But he doesn’t actually hate you, and what better time than now to put your differences on the shelf and come to a mutual agreement to stop this fight. You don’t have to become friends; you don’t even have to talk to each other. Just settle your differences and, just, not be mean.”

Hermione and Harry stood quietly and listened intently, Draco standing at your side just as silent, but the second you stopped talking, Ron snorted out loud. “Yeah, right, as if that’s ever going to happen. Good luck trying to get that git to agree to that.” The Weasley boy turned to his friends, pulling on their arms. “Come on, I think I’ve seen enough.”

But, much to everyone’s surprise, Hermione pulled her arm back, staring her friend down. “Do you hear him protesting? No, he’s not. The only one protesting is you, in other words, you act like you want to keep bullying each other back and forth. What does that make you, Ronald?”

Harry, who had been quiet this entire time, took a step forward then, pulling himself loose from Ron’s grip, although a little gentler than Hermione had done. The Boy Who Lived stared right in Draco’s face, speaking up for the first time since his arrival.

“Do you love her?”

You were startled by his words, eyes widening slightly. You would’ve imagined him to say something in the likes of what Ron had said just moments before, but no. You were shocked, to say the least. But beside you, Draco didn’t flinch, staring Harry down with the equal amount of intensity as he was receiving.

“I hardly believe that’s any of your business, Potter.” Draco sneered finally, eyes narrowing slightly. You heard Ron starting to fire up again and hurriedly kicked Draco in the leg slightly, telling him to play nice.

He spared you a glance, seeing your hopeful expression, before turning back to Harry. “But if you must know, then yes. I do love her.” He told him; his face now more relaxed. “And I tell her every day.”

You saw Harry analyze his face for a moment, eyes doubtful and hard, but after a minute, he gave a curt nod. “I still don’t want to be your friend.”

Draco scoffed at that, the two still not breaking their staring contest. “The feeling’s mutual, Potter.”

Harry gave another nod, before turning to you. “I’m happy for you, (Y/N), but if he breaks your heart, I won’t play nice, anymore.”

“I wouldn’t want you to.” Draco spoke up, much to everyone’s surprise, causing Harry to take another look at him. A few seconds passed, before Harry nodded a third time, however, this time, it was a nod of acceptance.

Forgiveness? No. Respect? Absolutely not. But in that moment, they silently agreed that both of them wanted for you what was in your best interest. And to you, that seemed to be Draco.

Turning to Ron, Harry grabbed a hold of his arm and pulled at him to break him from his hateful trance-like state, starting to pull him with him. “Come on, Ron.”

Hermione stepped forward, and you let go of Draco to meet her halfway, her arms soon coming to wrap around you. You squeezed each other long and hard, before she backed away and moved to follow the others. “I’ll see you in the dormitory.”

Nodding your head, you shared a small smile, before she hurried off after the boys, disappearing back into the castle.

Draco and yourself made your way back inside in your own pace, the previous mood completely thrown off by the sudden turn of events. Your hands were intertwined as you walked, you head resting on your shoulder as he led you up the stairs to your common room.

Once you reached the last set of stairs, you stopped, not wanting the Fat Lady to be bothering you when you bid each other good night. Turning to face Draco, you instantly felt his hands coming to cradle your face, the tips of his fingers slightly cool from being outside.

You looked into his stormy eyes, your own hands coming up to your face to hold onto his wrists as his thumb caressed your cheek. Neither of you said anything as he bent his head down and captured your lips with his in a kiss, pressing them together for a long moment before pulling back.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” You mumbled as he pressed his forehead to yours, his eyes still closed. He nodded, bending down to peck your lips one more time before opening his eyes.

His hand found yours as he started moving back down the stairs, stretching your arms out in front of you as far as you could. “I love you.” He said finally, causing your face to break out into a big smile.

“I love you, too.” And with that, you let go of each other’s hands and he started jogging down the stairs, his hands stuffed into his pockets.

You watched him until he was no longer in your field of view before going up the final set of stairs, giving the Fat Lady the password to get inside the common room. As you entered, the fire was still burning strong in the fireplace.

It was empty, as to be expected as it was long after curfew, and you hurried up the stairs to the Girl’s Dormitories before someone caught you out of bed and decided to go rat you out to Filch. Sneaking into the room, you were careful to not step on any of the creaky floorboards as you made your way over to your bed.

You quickly got out of your school uniform and into your pajamas, before getting under the covers and letting your head hit the pillow. However, just as you closed your eyes, a voice whispered from beside you.

"Why do you like him?"

It was Hermione who had asked, as her bed was to the right of yours, yours being the one furthest to the back wall.

You thought about her question, knowing the answer without a doubt in your head but not quite being able to put it into words. "I don't know.” You finally whispered back, rolling over so that you were facing her. “He's just... I like him because I know what he’s really like, I guess. I know it might be hard to believe but he’s not the person he puts on.”

Hermione didn’t answer, and you could see that she was staring into the floor beneath your beds, deep in thought. You took this as a sign to continue. "The sky screams out loud before it cries.” You started. “People? Not so much. They cry behind closed doors and wide smiles and nobody knows. People like Draco, people who put on a bad front, has those feelings, those days, too. I guess that’s why I like him. Because I’ve seen him on those days.” She was quiet as you spoke, but you could see by the way she was tilting her head that she was listening to you. "He's not a bad person, Hermione, he was just one of the unfortunate to be born into a bad family.” "I believe you.” Hermione whispered back finally, her eyes now looking into yours. “That still doesn’t change the things he has done, however, and it will take me a long while to forgive him for it. I might never be able to.” She paused, eyes going back to the floor as she thought, before flickering back up to yours. “But I'll give him another chance. Because I trust you."

“Thank you, Mione.” You gave her a warm smile, bringing your arm out from underneath the duvet and holding it out between the beds. Catching the drift, Hermione reached out to grab ahold of your hand with a smile of her own.

“You might have to convince Ron some more, however.” She chuckled quietly.

“Don’t I know it.” You rolled your eyes at the thought, sighing loudly. “Oh, don’t I know it.”

#harry potter imagine #harry potter one shot #harry potter x reader #hp marauders #hp one shot #hp imagine #draco x reader #draco malfoy #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy imagine #draco imagine

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haro-whumps · 4 years

Text

Box Boy Rescue

(CW: slavery, brainwashing, dehumanization, kidnapping, creepy + intimate whumper, gaslighting)

Tag list: @thatsthewhump @whump-it @ashintheairlikesnow @fairybean101 @finder-of-rings @comfortforthepain @shameless-whumper @that-one-thespian @burtlederp @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @raigash @im-not-rare-im-rarr @spiffythespook @whumps-the-word @frnkieroismydaddy @whumpity--whump--whump @michelleswhumpyreblogs @jo-castle @newandfiguringitout

Masterlist

Soren pressed up against the back wall, legs pulled close to his chest, breath coming out ragged.

“Please, please give me my collar back, I need it, please, please,” he was begging, an endless, panicked drone. He knew it wouldn’t work, but he couldn’t stop. There was someone in front of him, a woman, but a different woman from the one who he’d woken up to, urging him to calm down, take deep breaths. But he couldn’t breathe, not without his collar on, he couldn’t breathe.

The door squeaked open and boomed shut. Soren sobbed loudly, panicked begging only paused for the raw sounds, before it was back to an endless stream of “please give me my collar” over and over again.

“Dude, just calm down, you literally do not need it,” the rude man, the one who’d elbowed him, snapped, and Soren let out a high, warbling keen, turning his head away from the man, fingers raising to his neck again.

“Woah, buddy, still not doing that,” the woman said as she pulled his hands away from his own neck for what felt like the dozenth time.

“Please!” Soren moaned, bloodied fingers twitching. He didn’t struggle against her hold on his wrists, his training didn’t even let him consider it, but he could beg, and cry, so he did.

“Here,” the driver said, creaking door booming shut behind him as he walked down the concrete steps. “Just let him have it, he’s not going to calm down unless we do.”

“Liam, come on!”

“You come on,” the driver, Liam, shot back, kneeling in front of Soren. Soren hiccupped, turning his head up, praying that this wasn’t some sick trick, that he was actually going to--

Soren sobbed again, this time with relief, and Liam fitted the collar on too loose, so it would move and rub and chafe, but that was okay because at least it was on. Soren’s hands closed around it and he immediately felt so, so much better.

“Maybe we should let Liam handle this.”

“He’s my--”

“Not anymore he isn’t! And Liam’s always been good--”

“--some of us leave? This bunker isn’t exactly large.”

“Quiet down; you’re gonna spook him again!”

The voices clamored over each other, volume rising, and Soren just hiccuped and focused on breathing deep. It was always loud and crowded in the facility, he just thought about breathing, calming down. He was--well, he wasn’t okay, but he could get himself under control.

“Soren?” Liam’s voice cut low and soft through the din, close to Soren, and Soren cracked open his eyes. Liam was broad, with soft fat layered over muscle, like he drove tractors or something (Ren had watched some Hallmark movie about a farm, Liam looked like the love interest). He was attractive, and his voice had a sweet tenor to it.

“Please let me go home,” Soren begged quietly. Liam, out of all the thieves, seemed the most likely to listen to him. He’d given him back his collar. He was treating him gently (Soren was fragile!).

“Buddy, hey, we are, okay? We’re gonna take you home. But I’d like it if you let me explain some things to you first, please?”

Liam stood up off his haunches and sat on the lower bunk of the bunkbed. He patted the old, dusty blanket, indicating Soren should join him. The rest of the bunker had quieted. Soren, not wanting things to get any worse than they already were, did a quick risk analysis. The bed… only Ren… but if he disobeyed, he might get dragged to where they wanted him, so, he got up, and sat down on the hard, lumpy mattress as far away from the rest of them as he could, his back pressed up against the cold and rough concrete.

“Soren,” Liam started, his voice steady and patient in a way that Soren didn’t entirely trust, but he’d proven to be the most trustworthy out of all of them, so Soren maybe could take a little comfort in his tone, “I know you don’t remember us, or, anything, I guess, but we’re friends of yours. You’re in an underground bunker that belongs to Tyler’s uncle. Your name is Soren Greyson and you were kidnapped and forced into being a pet.”

Soren had been kidnapped, alright, but by these people. He knew, in his core, that no one had forced him to be a pet.

“My name is Liam. We met in middle school, we were close friends, even dated for a while. This is Lydia, we also met her in middle school, along with Tyler,” he gestured at the rude man, “and we were also friends with Ren, then.”

Soren couldn’t help but perk up at Ren’s name, his fingers clenching around the collar.

“In high school, we met Emmet, Ingrid, and Nia,” Liam said, gesturing as he said each name, “Then after we graduated, you met Erica in a hardware store and accidentally fell ass backwards into a relationship. You two were dating until very shortly before you were kidnapped.”

The woman he’d allegedly dated, Erica, was the one who’d been trying to get him to breathe while Liam had gotten his collar for him. She was--pretty, Soren guessed, but not as pretty as Ren, and the sight of her stirred no love in him, no memory.

Liam set his palm down on the blanket between him and Soren, looking at Soren with strange and earnest eyes. “We’re going to keep you safe. We’re going to help you regain your memories, somehow, and we’re gonna get your mom over here just as soon as we can get ahold of her.”

Soren grit his teeth, the threat of pain holding his tongue in check. But, well, if these people were such good friends of his, maybe they wouldn’t risk hurting him. “My memories are gone!” he snapped, knuckles white around his collar, “My Processors electrocuted that part of my brain until there wasn’t anything left! Whoever you think I am, he’s gone! And never coming back! Right now, I’m 930-456, a pet, and private property, and you’re all thieves!”

“Soren!” Lydia gasped, the whole room taken aback by his words.

“I don’t have a mom, anymore, I don’t have middle school friends or high school friends or some dumb hardwarestore romance.” The ever present knowledge he’d had, one of the only things that did survive the facility, came forth. “And I know for a fact that even if I did, none of them are looking for me. You’re lying!”

“Soren--” Liam tried, and Soren lifted his hands to his ears, eyes squinting shut. He didn’t want to hear this. Didn’t want to hear any of this.

...Didn’t like how he couldn’t help but feel like they weren’t lying.

There was a hand on his knee. More specifically, just above his knee, the bottom end of his thigh, and it was just… sitting there. And it felt. Not wrong. He liked touch, but this was more than that, this was…

Soren opened his eyes and found Lydia sitting beside him, not looking at him (it was a strange relief, but a big one), her hand just on his knee, oddly and strikingly comforting. Like his body knew the gesture even though his brain had forgotten it. He could feel her callouses against his soft skin.

“Do you… play baseball?” Soren asked, quiet and timid, and felt the heavy weight of everyone’s attention focused on him. But he just looked at Lydia, who turned surprised eyes at him.

“Yes. Yes! Soren, oh my god, yeah,” she said delightedly, her fingers squeezing into his skin, but not in a way that hurt. “See? See, you do remember things! It’s just, buried deep.” She removed her hand, and he found himself missing it, then took his hand between her own. “And we’ll help you, okay, we’ll help you remember.”

“...” Soren was trembling, tears budding up in his eyes again. “I…” He hiccupped, and Liam’s palm came to rest gently on Lydia’s wrist.

“Maybe we should let him rest, a little bit. This has all been… a lot.”

“Okay, but we’re cleaning the cuts,” Erica stated, and the group around her murmured their assent. Except Soren. But he knew it didn’t matter if he agreed or not. She took Liam’s place on the bed, starting with the cuts on Soren’s feet, a bottle of hydrogen peroxide in one hand and a rough, scratchy cloth in the other. It grated against Soren’s skin, against the wounds, and he stared at her.

Had he really been in love with her? It was hard to tell, just based off looks. What about her had made him love her? What about him had made him worth loving, before he’d been trained and fixed and made perfect, perfect for Ren? What would he even have done with her?

He looked across the room, at Liam. He was my first, said some feeling in his gut. First boyfriend, first sexual encounter, first time he felt love, first something, Soren wasn’t sure what, but he knew, with unfounded certainty, that Liam was his first.

“I’m gonna clean your neck, okay? Could you hold your collar in your hands, please?” Erica asked, and Soren reached up to unfasten his own collar, which went against every ounce of training he’d ever had and every desire in his body, but he clenched it with his hands in his lap and tilted his chin up all the same, ignoring the sting and examining the other people.

Tyler made him nervous, but that could just be the head injury talking.

He stared at each one of the others, trying to summon something, anything, but they were perfect strangers to him. Emmet evoked some sort of admiration in him, but that wasn’t like a memory, really, that was just. Some dumb feeling.

At the end of the day, he knew Lydia played baseball and Liam was his first-something, and the rest of them meant nothing to him. He shifted uncomfortably as Erica continued applying the peroxide, and shifted again shortly after, an old spring digging into his ass. This bed was supremely uncomfortable, nothing like the bed back home, where he should be.

He let his thoughts wander, as Erica moved to the other side of his neck. He thought of rushing past these strangers, with their words that made him feel uncertain and unsteady, of running away from this place. In his fantasy, a cop car was parked just outside the little wooded area, and Soren could fling himself at the man (in his mind, the cop was a man, built like Liam, but bigger, heartier, more intimidating) and beg. Tell him that he was stolen property, that he’d been taken in the middle of the night and the thieves were right behind him. He’d radio for backup, like in the movies, and then the strangers would rush out only to realize their mistake, and then they’d be surrounded, and taken away to jail, while Soren would be taken to the police department where his barcoded wrist could be scanned. Ren’s information would be pulled up, and someone would call them, and they’d come get him, and they’d hold him, and pet his hair, and croon over how frightening everything had been and how terrible, and then they’d take him home and he’d never, ever leave again.

Another fantasy, a bad fantasy, warred with it. Of Soren staying here, with these strangers, his life told to him in stories. He’d meet… his mom. Maybe, maybe he’d remember her. And he’d always have to wear long sleeves, but maybe he could go out, and relearn his skills. Move someplace far away and be a regular person, with a family, with friends that he got to talk to. Ren was wonderful to him, but when they weren’t around he did get… lonely…

That was bad, that was bad, all of those were bad thoughts, and he was bad for having them. He’d never had them before! He was good, he was good, he was obedient, in body and mind, in action and in thought, he behaved, he was good, why was his brain going all screwy and bad on him now? He couldn’t know these people, not actually!

Right?

But… they’d said they’d known Ren, that Soren’s melancholy-memory of them could be… real. That they’d known each other in middle school, and that was why Ren’s scent made him, from time to time… feel like he knew them before.

“There, all done,” Erica said, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Thank you…” Soren said uncertainly, placing his collar back on, tightening it properly, himself. The weight, familiar and comforting, grounded him. It helped keep his mind away from the bad thoughts. He was Ren’s. Nothing else mattered, before was irrelevant. All that mattered was getting home to them. He just had to find the right opportunity.

So he’d play along, until then.

“Can I, rest now?” Soren asked, and Erica smiled sadly at him.

“Yeah, belov--Soren. Yeah, Soren, go to sleep. We’ll be here when you wake up.”

Soren would prefer to wake up in his bed, in his home, to the sound of Ren greeting him, but he didn’t say that. He laid down, still curled tightly in a ball, on the lumpy, musty mattress, and tears stung his eyes again. This was awful. No wonder he’d signed up to be a pet, at least his time at the facility had ended. He couldn’t imagine living like this forever, not after how Ren had treated him.

“I’m gonna head up,” Lydia was saying in hushed tones, “Soren’s mom should be awake now; I want to see if she got my text.”

“I’ll go with,” said one of the other women, and the two ascended the concrete stairs of the bunker. Soren listened to each footstep with three heartbeats in his chest for each. His mom? Coming here? The idea of him having a mom hadn’t impacted him the way the idea of actually seeing her was. He’d meet some woman and she would be his mother. The door, with its creaking metal, unlocked with a shrill screech, and swung open heavily. Soren’s brain immediately switched to wondering how many times he’d have to hear that noise, while he himself remained trapped down here. It made his miserable tears spill over, a soft, muffled sound choked in his throat.

The women shrieked.

Soren curled in on himself as the room exploded into noise, hands over his ears, and squeezed his eyes shut. What new horror was happening now? A monster in the woods? A--

Police man. Grabbing Soren by the wrist and helping him up, bracing his other elbow when he stumbled, starstruck, praying this wasn’t a dream, or if it was, that all of it was. Police were in the bunker, cuffing and dragging out the thieves, and Soren didn’t understand it. He’d hoped--he’d wanted--but he didn’t actually think--how had they found him--so fast???

“S-Sir,” Soren stuttered out, grabbing his sleeve and leaning into him, eyes wide, “Sir, please, I-I’m a pet, please,” Soren lifted his wrist, showing his barcode, “Please, I need to go home, please, please!”

“I know, I know,” the cop said, sounding patiently exasperated. “Come on then, out of the bunker. Your owner’s waiting for you.”

Soren followed eagerly, wishing the cop would move faster, would run, Soren could keep up, he could, he wanted to, anything to get home sooner, to go back to Ren, please, please.

The police cars were flashing bright lights in the fragile light of the dawn, and a news casting van was pulling into the wooded area, too. Soren huddled in close to the man who had a hand on his wrist. He wasn’t like how Soren had fantasized, but that was fine, he was real, and he was going to get Soren home, and he was touching his wrist in a way that was only reassuring, not confusing and maybe-painful like the thieves’.

Then he saw Ren, glaring like they could murder the strangers, their teeth bared as they stared down the criminals being corralled into the cop cars.

“Ren!” Soren cried, breaking the officer’s surprised grip on his wrist, running to them faster than he knew he could run. Ren’s gaze turned to him, surprised, their hair hanging loosely around their jaw like Soren only rarely saw it, still wearing the sweater they wore to bed.

“Soren!” Ren uncrossed their arms and began walking towards him, only to “oof” quietly when Soren did not slow down, flinging himself into them. “Oh, angel, there now, there, this has been so frightening for you hasn’t it?”

The rude one--Tyler--began struggling harder against the cops forcing him into the car. “Let go of him you fucking freak!” he shouted. “Ren! Ren you hear me!? Fucking don’t touch him you sick bastard!”

Ren tutted, a sound Soren associated with mild disappointment. It was only ever directed at him, and he flinched in their arms. “Pet, did you tell them my name?”

Soren’s head spun a little. “I, I, I was, screaming it, when they, when they kidnapped me, I called for you…”

“Oh,” Ren crooned, their palm caressing his cheek. He leaned into it with a deep ache. “Darling, this has been such a terrifying experience for you. But it’s alright now. You’re back where you belong.”

Soren nodded, turning so he could kiss the heel of their palm. “Exalted?”

“Yes, pet?”

“They, they said… that, they knew me. Before. That they knew you, a-and that’s why they know your name.”

“Is that what they told you?” Ren said derisively, snorting a little. Soren blinked, and then melted. Of course. Of course.

“They were lying,” Soren breathed out, relieved.

“My angel,” Ren murmured, petting at his hair, “Obviously they lied to you. You’re mind is vulnerable, and those nasty thieves took advantage of that the first moment they could.” Ren kissed his forehead, and after Soren pressed his face into their shoulder, blacking out the lights and the dawn and the movement all around him. “They made you confused, told you strange stories while you were disoriented and primed to be taken advantage of. But it’s alright, Soren, I’m here now, I’ll keep your little head on right.” Their fingers carded through his hair, tugging at bloody tangles before the strands slipped through their fingers entirely. “You just listen to me, and no one else. You don’t need to listen to any voice but mine.”

“Thank you, Exalted, thank you,” Soren murmured. And with his face pressed to Ren’s chest, the smell of their sweater in his nose, he felt again that strange melancholy. “E-Exalted?”

“Yes, baby?”

“They, I--a-after they told me, about, um, th-the lies, I got… weird. Um, memories?”

Ren clicked their tongue. “Didn’t those fools at the training facility warn you that you’d get false memories from time to time?”

Oh! “O-oh, yes, they, they did. I, I forgot, s-since, I n-never got them, before.”

Ren chuckled beneath his face, and he looked up at them, then closed his eyes while Ren pet the side of his face, the half that hadn’t been elbowed, pushing his hair out of his eyes. “You’re such a perfect pet, Soren.” The hand on his face suddenly gripped him by the ear, making him flinch and whine. “You didn’t go with them willingly, did you? Even when they lied to you?”

“No!” Soren cried, gripping their sweater desperately, tears stinging his eyes anew. “No Exalted, no, never, never, I never would have run, please, no, never, I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t!”

Just as quickly, Ren returned to petting him. “That’s right. You’re my good little Soren, you’d never leave me,” Ren murmured, almost as though to themself.

Soren nodded. “C-can I, ask for reassurance, on, on one more thing, that confuses me?”

“Ask as many questions as you like, angel, I’m right here to tell you everything you need to know,” Ren crooned, placid as still waters.

“I, I get, f-f-fake memories, of, um, you, too. Sometimes, it, it feels like I did know you, b--”

“Excuse me! Excuse me, ma’am!” a newslady called, jogging over to Ren and Soren, microphone in her hand.

“Not a ma’am,” Ren said idly, arms slipping easily around Soren’s back as they turned to face her, pulling him in close to their chest. He pressed up against them, eyeing this new threat.

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stanbillyhargrove · 4 years

Text

Ghosts chp 20

Ally's Story

T/W: sexual assault, eating disorder

Ally's story is NOT nice, it's based off Cat's story from Demons but without the support system that Cat had

Katrina's POV

Ally was perched on the end of my bed, watching as I changed the bandages on my stomach. I taped sterile white gauze to my skin and eased myself back onto the bed with a groan.

"You've been hanging around a lot," I mumbled.

"Do you not want me here? I can leave."

"No! Wait, stay. Please, I like the company. I just mean, I hadn't seen you in a long time."

"When he's around we can't get close to you," she explained, "he keeps us away. But he's weak right now."

She sat back against the wall with a sigh, eyeing me after catching me staring at her, "what?"

"What's your story, Ally? What happened to you?"

She held her arms up so I could see the two long cuts that ran down her forearms, "isn't it obvious?"

"That's not your story, not all of it."

She dropped her arms into her lap, "you don't have to pretend to care. I'm already dead."

I stretched my hand across the bed, reaching for her, "I do care."

Her eyes were teary when she met my gaze, her jaw tight, but she still moved closer to take my hand.

"Mommy, Daddy's home," I announced.

She shook her head, "no, sweetie, he's not off work for a couple hours."

But then, a few minutes later, he walked through the door. Sent home early because of the blizzard sweeping through town. My mother brushed it off, saying I must have seen his car even though I was playing nowhere near the windows at the time.

That feeling, that sense of knowing, it never went away. As I got older, I realized it wasn't normal to know when someone was getting close. It wasn't normal to turn around and yell out your friends names when they were trying to sneak up on you. I started losing friends fast, nobody wanted to be associated with the outcast. The chubby cheeked weirdo that gave everyone the heebie jeebies.

I was twelve when the bullying shifted from my weirdness to my weight. The rest of my classmates had shed their baby fat and were lean where I still had a layer of pudge. That's when everything started to turn for the worst. Boys who knew I was crushing on them would sneer and laugh to their friends when I passed them. They'd pretend to like me outside of school just to turn around and shun me once in a group of classmates. Girls looked down on me, snickered when they saw me eating lunch.

Comments started coming from my family through the years too. Things like, 'haven't you eaten enough?' 'You know, everything you put on has to come off.' 'A moment on the lips, forever on the hips.' And, 'do you think you need seconds?'

My mom too, liked to tell me how little she weighed as a teenager. Joked about how her and her friends would compare thigh gaps like it was no big deal. She complained about how much she weighed now that she'd had me even though she still looked like she could be whisked away by a strong breeze. She thought she was helping by telling me maybe I'd have more friends, maybe boys would like me if I lost some weight.

At fifteen I found a website filled with pages and pages of wispy girls who's bones stuck through their skin. Girls who bragged that they had to wear children's clothes because nothing else fit, bragged about the amount of exercise they'd done that day. They shared tips and tricks to curb your hunger, told you if you followed all the rules you too could be beautiful, weightless, like them.

By sixteen, I was one of them. Comparing each days food and exercise with a group of people like me. I finally found my people, my sisters, the ethereal Wintergirls. I fed exclusively off people's compliments and they loved to tell me how much better I looked now. My mom praised my hard work, indulged my diet coke addiction. She was proud to have created a Wintergirl in her image.

Nobody in those groups liked to talk about the negatives. They didn't warn me that becoming one of them wouldn't be glamorous. That it meant constantly freezing, that your body starts growing more hair to keep you warm, that the hair on your head will get thin and lifeless, your nails turn blue and even a light brush will leave bruises on your skin. They didn't tell me that no matter what goals you hit, there would always be another. I wasn't prepared for my life to become consumed by numbers. How many sit ups, how many inches, tracking weight down in a notebook and sobbing if was more than last time. They didn't mention that I'd still hate myself no matter what.

I started swallowing handfuls of pills, secretly hoping that this time it would be enough to poison my liver. I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don't know that I want to die. I want to be normal, to eat and not hate myself, but that's not who I am anymore.

I kept waking up, forced to struggle through another day. Started drowning myself in alcohol every night and on the weekends, trying to find something to make me feel again. Some of the more popular girls started talking to me, asking for the secret on how to look as good as I do now, inviting me to parties hoping to get me to spill. I went to the parties but not to spill my secrets. I went for the free alcohol and eventually the drugs that the boys brought.

I had found my usual party group, the people who carried baggies of various things in their pockets. Accepted a baggie from a baby faced jock who smiled when he passed it to me.

"It'll be fun," he whispered in my ear, "trust me."

I looked at the pills for a moment before tossing them into my mouth and taking a swig of my drink to swallow them down.

"Good girl," he praised.

He didn't leave my side, didn't let me leave his sight. He was always there with an arm around me even though I didn't know him. Tempting me with tinted eyes.

This doesn't feel right.

I should have known better.

After a while, I started to feel weird. My limbs felt too heavy to move and I thought I was going to pass out. I leaned heavy into the boys side, not trusting my legs to keep me up anymore.

"It just hit you, didn't it?" He asked, holding me up.

My tongue felt too thick to move, to protest, when he picked me up. Threw me over his broad shoulder and took me back to his house.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of you," he soothed.

I struggled to cry out, to push his hands away but he was so much bigger than me, had layers of muscle where I had only bone. His hands were too rough when he grabbed, when he held my wrists in one hand and undressed me with the other.

I tried again to move my legs, to fight him, but nothing worked.

"Relax," he murmured, "I'll make you feel good."

The room faded in and out through eyes blurry with tears. I could feel him. Everywhere. Every inch of me consumed by his warmth. The moments where I could almost grasp clarity were filled with pain.

He wiped a tear from my cheek, his touch tender now when he whispered, "I know you're into it...God, you feel so good."

I didn't wake up again until sometime in the morning. The sun had barely kissed the sky, just enough that the room I was in wasn't pitch black anymore. Just enough light to see that the sheets I was wrapped in were blue, not white. Just enough light to know I didn't know where I was. It took me a moment to realize there was someone else in the bed with me, a large arm wrapped loose around my waist. Tanned skin tight around broad shoulders that I might have felt safe in before. I screwed my eyes shut tight, hoping this was a horrible nightmare. But, when I opened them I was still here. The dark bruises in the shape of his fingers still stuck on my skin, the pain was still there.

I slid out of the bed, biting the inside of my cheek and praying that I could get out of here without him waking up. Apparently the universe thought I deserved this small favor because I was able to find my stuff, get dressed and slip out of his house without anyone seeing me.

Outside, I pulled my phone from my pocket to figure out where I was. I was an hour's walk away from home. By the time I got home...I'd have to get ready for school right away. I sent out a quick text to my group for someone to bring me something strong to get me through the day and started my long walk of shame.

I did the best I could to hide all the bruises under my clothes before going to school. Long sleeves pulled down into my fists, dark leggings, I even layered on a shirt with the tallest neckline I could find. Hid the red circles around my eyes under dark makeup and called it good enough.

I disappeared into the crowd at school, slinking from shadow to shadow like I was hiding from a spotlight. Thankfully, someone answered my text and slipped a baggy into my pocket during a quick hug. I wasted no time swallowing the pills, didn't even question it. I just needed everything to stop.

I only got through my first class without seeing him.

I was at my locker when suddenly I was picked up and spun around. I was too shocked to do anything more than shriek. Hit the ground and spun around to find myself face to face with that same boy. The star of the football team, he was all broad shoulders and a soft, innocent face. He came from money and everybody loved him because of it. But, of course, they didn't know what really lied behind that sweet face.

"Hey babe," he cooed, "missed you this morning. You could have stayed, I would have driven you home."

The breath rushed from my lungs and I was reliving flashes of memories from the night before. Once again trying and failing to fight back. Hearing his voice in my ear.

"Hey, Bryce!" Another jock clapped him on the shoulder, "introduce us to your girlfriend!"

"I..your...what?" I stammered.

"Guys, Ally...Ally, guys," he beamed, pulling me into his side.

The group of them said their hellos, and then quickly disappeared to their own lockers. I shoved him as hard as I could, but I barely moved him an inch. He still had a smile on his face even though his eyebrows had knit with confusion.

"Your girlfriend?" I hissed.

"Well, yeah? I assumed, after last night, y'know?"

"You assumed!"

He lifted his hands defensively, "take it easy, don't need to shout."

I spun and stalked away from him, to a quieter, more secluded corner of the school to try and calm my nerves.

He followed me, practically purring, "trying to find somewhere private for us?"

I stopped, dumbfounded, giving him time to come up behind me and plant a kiss to my neck.

I recoiled, shoving Bryce away and shouting, "get off me!"

"What the fuck is your problem? You gave it up so easy last night and now you're gunna act like a prude?"

"I...I didn't give anything! You took! You drugged me, carried me home when I couldn't walk and had sex with me when I couldn't say no! You raped me!"

"Babe," he started, "come on-"

"No! Don't fucking call me babe, I don't even know you! I'm not your girlfriend! I'm your victim!"

He got in my face, close enough I could feel the heat from his skin, and growled, "fuck you. We could have been something, y'know? I could have given you everything. You asked for the drugs, remember? You're just a fucking whore, using men to get what you want and then dropping them. You wait, I will fucking destroy you."

By the afternoon, everybody had seen the pictures he took of me unconscious and were calling me a whore. Calling me a skeleton, ugly, a tease, a user. Nobody could believe I didn't want it. 'Look at him,' they'd say, 'he's gorgeous. How could you not want him?' Or, 'I'd give anything to have him even look at me and you're complaining?'

It only took a couple days before someone approached me outside of my class. Asked if I'd sleep with him if he gave me something.

"Are you serious? You think I'm a prostitute or something? Try being a gentleman and asking a girl on a date, you'd have a better chance."

His eyebrows raised, "you wanna go on a date with me?"

"Not now I don't, shitdick," I scoffed, pushing my way into class.

Later that day, people were saying I'd slept with him anyway.

This went on for months. People would approach me asking for sex and when I turned them down, they made up a story and spread it around.

There was one boy...I thought he was different. He said all he wanted was to take me on a date, for me to give him a chance. So I did. I let him take me out for a coffee since I didn't eat in front of anyone. We actually had a good time, he made me laugh for the first time in a long time. For a minute, I felt like maybe I could see a way out of the dark.

Then, our way out of the cafe, I thought I saw a glimpse of Bryce but when I looked again, I didn't see him.

He drove us away from the city, to a secluded area where it was just the two of us. We sat in the back of his car, talking for a while until he brought me close and kissed me. Fingers started to tug at clothing, pulling a noise of protest from my throat.

"I took you out," he murmured, "now be a good girl for me."

I let my mind go blank, let him take what he wanted. Saw Bryce in his place and let a few tears fall silently.

I realized that no matter how good I thought things could be, no matter what I do, Bryce would still be on top of me and I still wouldn't be able to breathe. He'd always be there, sneering that he'd destroy me.

Eating was hard. Breathing was hard. Living was the hardest.

I felt like I had started dying the night Bryce took me home. Like everything since then had to have been a fever dream caused by cells deteriorating. Last night had nailed that feeling home. That I was already dead, just stuck in hell.

I showed up at school to see a snickering crowd in front of my locker. 'Whore' was painted across the door along with 'Liar' and 'Dirty Slut'.

Standing at the front of the crowd with a wicked grin on his face was Bryce and the rest of the football team.

He invaded my space, my senses, the heat radiating from his skin threatening to burn me up. The heady cologne he wore, a toxic gas that stole oxygen from my lungs and replaced it with poison.

His voice, low and husky in my ear when he sneered, "nobody believes you. Nobody cares about you. I bet nobody would even care if you were gone," he pulled away just enough to look into my eye, "I win."

I was holding back tears as I tried to retreat from the school, walking as fast as I could to escape the laughter when my arm was caught in someone's hand. I looked up at the girl who grabbed me and recognized her from some of my classes. We weren't really friends but we were close enough to know each other.

"You okay?"

I faked a smile, tried to ignore my voice cracking, "awesome...I'm awesome."

"Hey, screw those assholes, Ally."

I knew she was trying to help, that she thought her words would be enough to break through months of abuse hurled my way.

They weren't.

My shoulders slumped, "haven't you heard? I already did."

I slipped between her fingers and didn't look back.

"Whatever happened to chivalry?" Ally sighed, leaning against the wall next to me, "romance? I always wanted a relationship like in those cheesy old movies. You know, where the love interest makes some grand gesture to say they love you? That's what I dreamed of."

I wiped the tears from my face, "Ally.."

She smiled sadly at me, "I always thought I'd find the one when I became perfect. That if I could just be good enough...but that never happened, perfect never came."

@alias-b @charmed-asylum @champagnesugamama

#billy hargrove fic #billy hargrove fanfiction #stranger things fanfic #fanfic #stranger things fic #stranger things #tw rape #tw ed content

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