#she supports women & enby rights AND wrongs
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AFHMB is a dark fantasy, colonial era WIP IF with some historical inspiration and intended for a ~16+ audience. It is hosted on Itch.io, made with Twine, and will be free start-to-finish.
Demo here.
Warnings for general death, very briefly mentioned infant death, war, and disease, amongst others.
The war’s victory was not a joyous affair. There was no celebration when the encroaching forces were routed from the land. No drinking. No parties. No cheering or tearful greetings from spouses who had not seen one another in nearly a decade.
The silence was unmistakable. Loud. Overwhelming.
There was no joy to be found in it.
The removal of enemy soldiers from Herritus was instead met by one of the bleakest seasons to have ever settled over the country’s south. Crops and livestock died of the cold, infants were unable to be roused from their frigid sleep, and chromatia returned from its grave with wretched determination.
The streets are deserted- not a soul travels the worn roads. The homeless freeze to death and community shelters across the nation are wrung dry. Not even a noble such as yourself is safe from the cold’s grip.
It seeps in through the cracked windows, through the gaps under the doors. Your fire cannot douse it. No matter how many lanterns you light, the shudders will not be dispelled. You don a dozen layers; it finds a way through each.
When you are diagnosed with the grey ruin and made to realise you may have only a few months left to live, you must take it upon yourself to remove any remaining loose ends- before the sickness takes you.
And yet...something is wrong in the town of Nērisk. Something impossible is happening. And someway, somehow, it all ties back in to your brother’s murder twenty years prior.
Reminder that everything here is subject to change. It is a WIP for a reason.
- Customize your MC, including their gender (with options for women, men, and nonbinary MCs, plus enby men and women) and pronouns (supports multiple sets and custom input), appearance, and skills.
- MC’s personality is semi-set. You can shift the way they develop and how they react to some situations, but some facets of themself will always be set.
- Optionally romance any of 9 options, with 10 poly routes available, including one quad (four person) option.
- Discover that not everything in Nērisk is as it seems, and that you cannot put your past behind you quite so easily...
- You are not the hero of this story. Rediscover old friends, and with them, old vices you thought you’d overcome.
Florain Vettikar [M/F]: An individual from your past you held dear (ex-best friend or ex-lover), taken from you too soon as karmic retribution. They’re long dead...but that doesn’t mean they’re gone.
Aviri von Jhersten [NB]: Someone you knew long ago. Their hands and yours are stained with the same blood, yet they were the one to claim guilt for the fresh grave. Now, they return, with new money and old vendettas.
Cillian Rittaker [M/NB/F]: You had seen Cillian once in passing as a child, a poor orphan your mother had shooed you away from. Nowadays, ze’s a powerful healer...and Nērisk’s final bastion against the chromatia.
Liel Amorson [M/F]: A childhood friend. You haven’t seen them in the decades since their family was forced to flee Nērisk, but now they return. You’d think they hadn’t changed at all if not for the emptiness in their eyes.
Acrocantus vel Yurius [M]: A son of the king of a distant country, who ran to Nērisk to escape his father and his homeland. He’s completely out of his depth...and is paying you to let him stay in your manor.
Ueryphus el Lirisis [NB]: Vel Yurius’ personal guard. They don’t trust you, and maybe they’re right not to. Still, they manage being unhappily polite, if only due to your extended grace when it comes to housing them.
Niphiles Ivares [F]: A wanderer, constantly coming and going. You’ve seen her around a few times, maybe even had a chat or two. Now, though, she’s trapped here in Nērisk, and growing increasingly paranoid…
Micah Kirrest [NB]: An annoyingly kind and persistent barkeep- and perhaps the only person you can call friend. Recently, you’d been separated, and now ey refuse to leave your side...no matter the circumstances.
Allifair ve Ketimnar [M/F]: As a child, they were forced to train under the same church authority you were, and now, they’re a priest with that same church. They hide their guilt well with jokes and snark. Too well.
[Poly routes are Florain/Aviri, Florain/Liel, Florain/Micah, Aviri/Micah, Cillian/Niphiles, Cillian/Aviri, Cillian/Allifair, Liel/Micah, and Acrocantus/Ueryphus.]
[The four-person poly route is Florain/Liel/Micah.]
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Tag Directory [TBA]
#interactive fiction#writing#interactive novel#if wip#twine game#if intro#a firsthand murder ballad if
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hi, so i do have a question regarding trans people- i completely support trans people and people should have the right to do whatever they want to as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, and i would never side with those who try to take away someone's autonomy. that being said, why do people want to be the specific genders(men, women)- what exactly does one feel? is it identifying with gender stereotypes? wanting the other kind of body? i can understand why someone would want to be enby, but can't seem to understand specific reasons why people would want to be transmasc or transfem etc. i've read posts before where people have wanted to be women/men because of gender stereotypes- they wanted to play with dolls/liked feminine/masculine colors/clothes etc. but it's obviously something that shouldn't be stereotyped against and anyone should be allowed to play/like anything they want to, whether it's feminine or masculine. so what exactly is it that makes people want to be either? again, though even if i didn't understand why someone else felt that way, i fully support them.
I'm not even transgender in any flavor so I'm not the best person to ask, but I'm pretty sure the answer is going to be individual for every person.
I think like, the larger society has latched onto the narrative of "I always wanted to play with 'girl' toys and do 'girly' things" because that's what makes sense to a cisgender audience in a culture where behavior and clothing and toys are very obviously gendered.
But that's not, like, what "makes" someone transgender—it's a way of explaining it.
I mean, okay, maybe I can talk about this a little. I'm a cis woman. I've thought about it! I like being female, it feels comfortable to me, and experimentally imagining anything else feels...bad.
This has nothing to do with gender stereotypes—I don't shave, I don't wear makeup, I usually cut my hair super-short, I'll wear my brothers' clothes if I like them, I always actively hated the "girl" toys as a kid (though I was never labeled a 'tomboy'—I feel like autism overpowered any specific gendered label that would otherwise apply to me, for complicated reasons. I was a Weird kid). It's just...I don't know. It's nice when one of my friends in chat in a game i'm playing calls me "she"—like hell yeah! Your mental concept of me is a girl :D
If anything, I started to feel more "woman" when I started dressing and styling more masculine—it was actually seeing pictures of butch lesbians online that made me see an image of myself I liked for the first time. I wanted to be a woman who's like a guy at the auto parts store.
I think some people just have no internal sense at all about their gender, and some of these people probably ID as non-binary, and some of these people probably just identify with whatever they were assigned because that's what's convenient. There are no wrong answers here, right?
And some people have a really strong unwavering internal sense about it, and it's not exactly able to be distilled down to feelings about your body or clothes or interests or whatever, but it exists. I know that I "feel" like a woman even though I couldn't say why. It's somewhere in between "this feels accurate" and "this feels nice."
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The audience is inclined to empathize with Rhaenyra being denied the Iron Throne because of her gender. The twist is, she’s an absolutely godawful monarch, as bad as the unworthy Aegon II. The second of this one-two punch is that it’s quite obvious from the beginning of “The Blacks and the Greens” that she is exactly this sort of terrible person. It plays on the audience’s sympathy. Then, you have the competing legal succession traditions (muddying the waters of the straight interpretation of the Aegon II/Rhaenyra conflict) that Viserys deliberately mucked up and the tragic nature of the Dance is revealed; it could have all been avoided had Viserys I just thought things through. The Dance was avoidable, but Viserys didn’t care enough to avoid it. It’s Martin’s views on conflicts like the First World War, where a generation destroys themselves for something that’s ultimately unworthy and futile.
I can respect it for the attempt even if I thought the execution wasn’t up to snuff and the poor characterization and plotting of the war kept me from immersing myself.
A response to this post and all those about Rhaenyra's fall that came before.
In medieval times a woman could not bear arms; therefore a woman could not take on a role which, even symbolically, required her to carry arms. In medieval times a woman who took on an overt military role was an aberration.
Lyon, A. (2006). The place of women in European royal succession in the middle ages.
And I talk about female rulership/leaders and the conceptions around them HERE.
I find it funny how you don't specify where in "The Blacks and the Greens" Rhaenyra showed herself truly incapable of being at least a so-so ruler. Funny how in the denial of her being at least a so-so ruler, Aerys I, Jaehaerys II, Daeron I, and Baelor I (these last two who had their uncle Viserys II and Elaena Targaryen actually be the people to spearhead and maintain much of their rule for them), you completely ignore how there have always been so-so male rulers. Funny that if your argument--by bringing up her in the first black council and Rhaenys, Celtigar, Daemon, etc were the ones mainly deliberating--you think that she's letting people decide for her instead of her agreeing to their proposals OR that other kings/heirs in the Targ dynasty have not done the same (the list of men I already gave) who were themselves so-so. I just think that is funny of you, anon.
You may not like the fact that a person who went through a stillbirth and two older children's deaths through violence. You may not like that the Dance centers on a woman pressing for power/has one as its protagonist after all the other Targ women being pushed to the side (succession or just treated as threats, i.e., Queen Dowager Rhaena) or supporting a man's claim. Or officially thought of as "subordinate" to the ruling man (Queens Visenya and Rhaenys). That she was legitimately given access to a position of power blocked from women since the beginning of the dynasty. That there is no substantial, logical reason why she shouldn't have that power or right to it. That's on you, anon.
I don't really care that you think that people feeling for Rhaenyra's plight is a "cheap" sympathy trick to "trick" us into thinking she is faultless or that she's 100% at fault for her death and loss of power. I don't live a blind life. If you can't "immerse" yourself because you cannot see the misogyny and how it overtakes and defines every action people took against Rhaenyra, you're either a woman with a lot of internalized misogyny, or a very privileged man. Or an enby who lived as either at one point and hasn't totally gotten rid of it. Privileged people or those who faced a lot of misogynist abuse, who try try to "solve" it by totally ignoring feminist critiques of patriarchy tend to have major blind spots in how society will treat a woman, diminish the reasons why she receives unfair critiques, etc.
The point of the Dance narratively was to give a historical context for Dany, show where & how Targ power truly declined, and its connection to the denigration and diminishment of female leadership. Using the personality of a woman to argue she should not rule before she actually does anything stupid or amoral and not doing the same for the men is misogynist.
Viserys yes didn't prepare her as much as a king would their sons....that should tell you how even fathers can be affected by misogynist double standards (men fight, women stay behind bc men are biologically stronger). And this definitely makes her less strategic (as a Watsonian answer). But one doesn't even have to be a fighter to be a so-so/good leader, and Maegor the Cruel proves that. Plus, if we were to stay with your argument, shouldn't this lessen the blame on her when you assigned most of it on her father in the first place?
If you truly think that Rhaenyra's fall had nothing to do with misogyny or that misogyny only played a small role in her fall, that it was all her fault, you have the option of just blocking me because you're not going to get a concession about this. Rhaenyra may have made bad choices, but most of them were either things most nobles--man or woman--would do, already have done--and mainly at an even worse time/place--or they came about because other persons intentionally made critical measures to debilitate her ability to improve the lives of the Kingslanders and herself (rumors, Shepherd's "sermons" at a time where fear was heightened, and stealing of treasury). All of this began with Alicent and the greens decision to use patriarchal feelings against female leaders who have such power through their own right instead of a son or husband. (Even male heirs have bestowed heirship through their father's words customarily. The problem was that they did not want a woman in the same circumstance.)
Her going after the dragonseeds and her decisions regarding Rosby & Stokeworth were those choices that were true errors (short term and long term) on her part while also being made under extreme pressure and conditions. It is only her blood purist/misogynoir against Nettles that truly makes her morally deserve not having power. Alicent and the greens also are morally AND made terrible choices either out of rage or spite in critical times or for merely self-serving reasons. Yet Rhaenyra is the person dragged for the accusations of such, showing a double standard.
The Dance showed the wrongness of not how one rules, but how wrong it was to block women from the same positions of power as men have had for centuries. Point blank, period.
*EDIT* (8/21/23):
THIS is a great post by @mononijikayu about medieval queens, female rulers, the history of how women in leadership positions were made and seen as threats to the very structure of social "order", and contextualizing Rhaenyra thru Empress Matilda. I didn't even know about Matilda's husband being comparable to Rhaneyra's Daemon! PLZ READ!!!!
Excerpt:
just as much, along with these fictitious portrayals, more lies are depicted. these women are considered vixens that cause havoc to men by shifting them into desires and danger. through the written word, we see how women are cast in roles of villains in men’s lives. it is because by their conclusive thoughts, women are the only creatures that are able to turn ‘good honorable men’ into despicable creatures who do shameful, deplorable acts for the sake of women’s pleasures.
it is within this narrative that ancient chroniclers declare that women were in fact the doom of men. if they were not able to control the dangers posed by the wiles of women, then the foundations of the mighty society they had built would be up in flames.
[...]
as i mentioned, these factors of community are written down and preserved. and with that, the example of the ancients were the foundations by which medieval society built itself. the same concepts continued to cause the same issue within society and that was the exclusion of women from participating in the bigger picture of community and state, much so with governing states in their own right—without judgment or disapproval.
#rhaenyra targaryen#rhaenyra's characterization#asoiaf asks to me#fandom misogyny#fire and blood#fire and blood characters
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Im coming up with a book thats sole purpose is to get banned for representing actual things that could possibly happen in society
Abridged version:
High school kid deals with survivor's guilt, sexual assault, identity crisis, and parents divorcing, all while being a high school junior
If this summary sounds mildly interesting to you, read below
TW // Car accident, assault, homophobia
Theres a boy who tries to save a victim of a car accident with CPR before ambulance shows up, finds out next day the victim died in the hospital, starts feeling like hes the one who killed him
The boy has 3 friends - his best friend, who is a straight ally who loves spray painting graffiti with him, another close friend who identifies as a pansexual demigirl and does photography of their artworks, and this guy who the main boy thinks is REALLY cute but won't admit he has a crush on him (he has a huge crush on him, crush develops more in the story) and this fellas a closeted gay and master of the paintbrush and finer details. Together they make the FINEST graffiti in Maryland
Main boy shows interest in feminine outfits, but is afraid to wear them due to fear of losing his friends and family's respect
The main boy gets sexually assaulted by a girl, he makes her stop, and she starts making false claims that he raped her as "payback" to make him feel bad that he made her stop, and he begins developing trauma (i've seen many portrayals of girls getting assaulted by guys but i've never heard of stories where its the other way around, even tho it can happen, but people will say im being "sexist, this is going against women, it portrays women as bad guys" SHUT. women can do terrible things just like men, they just get away with it more since they're women. If i sound sexist im not im literally a women lol)
Main boy realizes he's bi, comes out to parents, mom is accepting but dad isn't, the parents have had many disputes in the past but them not agreeing whether or not their son can be whoever he wants is the straw that breaks the camels back, and eventually they divorce, and the dad (who had a healthy relationship with his son) cut contact with his own son
Main boy drifts emotionally closer toward his friends, who accept him just fine with no fuss
Main boy FINALLY gets the courage to ask out his gay crush, and FINALLY they end up dating and FINALLY get to hold hands
Main boy is getting trauma and anxiety from past things that have happened, friends and supportive (yet still not fully knowledgeable of his current situation) mom comfort him and remind him continuously that NOTHING IS YOUR FAULT. the person who died didn't die because of you doing something wrong. the girl who assaulted you and claimed you raped her did that, not because you did something wrong. your dad divorced your mom, but not because you did something. And i think thats an important message to have. If you tried your hardest to make things right, then you shouldnt be the one to blame when things go wrong. I think this should be engraved in everyones heads.
Boy gains more courage to be himself, and decides to try new things he always wanted to do, but was afraid of backlash if he did it. He tried on skirts. Dresses. Skinny jeans. Crop tops. Dying hair. Going out in public with this new style he wanted to try. Hanging out with his friends and mom in his outfits and realizing how much he loves this. He still likes his guy clothes, but he loves his girl clothes just as much.
Boy realizes he might not be a boy after all. But he doesn't feel like a girl either. He goes to his demigirl friend for help and they suggest he might be non binary, and he realizes he might be
Our newly-out enby fella comes out to their friends with a new name that he likes a lot more than his og name. His friends and bf still accept them and love them nonetheless
They continue on with their life, they do get made fun of by other people they meet, but they shove it out of the way, cuz thats just life man
Also keep in mind this entire story takes place while this guy is a junior in high school. The entire book.
Basically, this story is just a book about problems in society that get overlooked too much, and it's main message is "this isn't your fault. just because a problem happened to you doesn't mean you caused it", and its also a book that is supposed to be "banned". cuz banned books are better than non-banned books bahaha
if anybody who's experienced these things before would like to give me input on how these experiences should be portrayed in the story (because i have not experienced any of these things before) so i know how it should be portrayed in the story. (you are not obligated to, cuz these are touchy subjects, but if you are comfortable enough to, send it via asks, it will remain in the asks and i wont post a response to it to keep your privacy. And, if you have experienced any of these, just know: i love you, stranger and i hope everything improves for you. and if things have improved already, good on you. <333 im sorry if any of these things happened to you.)
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Dear fellow transmascs, trans men, afab nonbinary beings, and anyone who is not directly impacted by transmisogny;
(*Note: we won't get all the terminology right here probably, but we don't keep up so much on current discourse about labels and acronyms--we apologize if some is outdated, we did our best.)
We know sometimes it's hard to not feel hurt, and in some cases personally smeared by other beings talking about the impact of transmisogny and transmisogynoir. Sometimes these messages are interwoven with comments about shitty (white) transmasc/afab enby beings, and we understand the urge to protest: "Are we not also at risk of discrimination and violence for being trans?"
Well, yeah, sure. And there's already a word for that: it's just "misogyny". This being is not so scared of being saddled with unlawful charges or even flat out murdered by police, because we expect that, despite passing okay-ish, if police were to clock us as trans they're going to just treat us as uwu weak woman.
We have noticed a common pattern with transphobia/transmisia.
For transmascs & afab enbys, transphobia/transmisia often seems to manifest in being dismissed and not taken seriously. "You're just a lesbian." "You just have depression and anxiety and you're overreacting." "You must have penis envy." It's patronizing and invalidating, absolutely. We cannot just be what we say we are; we will forever be the weaker, submissive, maternal ones. Some of y'all get so incensed at this that you participate in "pragmatic denialism", i.e. the mindset of "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em". You swing so hard at masculinity that you perpetuate unjust and demeaning patriarchal social structures. This being has been there before--early on in our transition, because it was the only way we felt like we could have any sort of autonomy. And we've moved past that now; we very much hope you learn to do the same.
A former religion teacher of ours once mailed us a four-page handwritten letter about how she was praying for us because we must be so mentally ill to think we're trans. She could accept us if we were bisexual, but we "have a vagina", therefore we "are a woman".
But she didn't silence our voice and try to cut us off from our entire community. She didn't threaten (or perpetrate) violence or calling law enforcement on us. She didn't call us an "it" (I mean, it/its pronouns are fine for us these days, but you know what we mean). She didn't paint us as a sexual deviant or predator. She didn't brand our very existence as obscene. We were wrong--misguided--but never obscene.
For transfem and amab enbys, transphobia/transmisia carries extra layers of complexity. Many deal with a number of the same things we've described above I'm sure (the not being taken seriously, especially if they do not go to great lengths to present themself as femininely as possible, which we find extraordinarily infuriating). But then there are those who do take transfem and amab enby beings seriously, and in doing so also label them as abominations. Because who would willingly demote themself to womanhood and femininity? There must be some sort of predatory motive...
To try to summarize these patterns of transphobia:
Transmascs/afab queers = are and will always be women = misogyny
Transfems/amab queers = were men who 'chose' to demote themselves to womanhood (and therefore must have some dangerous ulterior motive) = transmisogyny (a type of misogyny where victims are seen as men simply playing pretend as women; it denies transfem beings their womanhood AND punishes them for their femininity because femininity is already inferior to masculinity)
All this is to say, please don't divide the community more. Please just listen to the experiences of trans women and amab queer folks; ask how you can be supportive if you're able. And do yourself a favor as well: throw away your puritanical beliefs about obscenity. Obscenity is largely a whole crock of bullshit. My religion teacher would have been equally, if not more correct about us if she had deemed us "sexually deviant" instead of merely "mentally ill", and you know what? We own our weird kinks; they're not hurting anybody else (unless it's consensual ;p ).
For those that read all the way to here, there is nuance we surely skipped over for the sake of this post not being wordier than it already is. We encourage you to analyze the words we have said, and not put any in our mouth which we have not said. The things we have left out would require an entire textbook.
Transfems and amab queer folks (and also intersex folks!) feel free to add on anything as you see fit; my sword and shield are yours.
-Cumulohimbus, et al.
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jk rowling is not a feminist.
as young girls, we thought she was cool. a famous, successful, rich author, she did things we were told we could never do. she made billions in a male run industry, and for fantasy no less. and then she gave a bunch to charities supporting women.
she appealed to the girls who were less interested in makeup and more interested in books, and the outside, and, hell, even sports. Lavender and Parvati weren't worth the golden trio's time, thus looks and "girlishness" weren't worth our time. she made us think there was something wrong with femininity. we were better if we were more like the boys.
and then Lavender dated Ron. we hated her for that. she wasn't meant for Ron; Hermione was.
and, oh, how we loved Hermione. she "wasn't like the other girls." she was smart, a reader; she was like us, the outcasts. but what joanne didn't want us to know was that there was nothing wrong with femininity. Lavender and Parvati are just as good as Hermione.
But Ginny dated around, and we never fault her for that. wouldn't jkr think that's bad if she's such a bad feminist? yes, and, in fact, she does. is that not how she displayed Cho for dating Harry just after Cedric died? for no other reason than she wanted Hinny as endgame.
and, god, we loved Ginny. she was sporty, she was cute, she was a Weasley - and acted like it. she was jkr's idea of the "ideal girl." unfortunately for Ginny, this made her a plot device. she got to be Harry's Girlfriend, and suddenly the wizarding world didn't care so much about her other accomplishments, so neither did jkr. she came into the story as necessary.
Luna was cool. we liked her. she also "wasn't like the other girls." she was weirder, like us. but that still doesn't mean she was better.
another woman we liked was McGonagall. as the only competent adult in the hp series, she Got Shit Done. she was a role model - one of the only good ones we got. but even so, she answered to dumbledore - a much less competent adult. story of our lives. this problem was never fixed. we are destined to yield power to incompetent men.
in ootp, jkr set her against the other female teachers. trelawney took the brunt of it. "bitches be crazy", am I right?
then there was umbridge. not fit to be human, umbridge represented everything jkr saw wrong with femininity. pink, frail, airheaded, a follower - the list goes on. and she did the same thing with petunia dursley. jkr set them up practically as warnings! here's what happens when you act like a traditional girl! this is how people will see you!
this is not true.
neither are her beliefs on transgender people. beyond it being a basic human right, this is how we destroy gender roles - by abandoning traditional gender entirely.
none of jkr's beliefs on feminism are true.
being trans does not take away your right to feminism.
all of you are valid. to the most feminine woman ever, to the butchest girl out there, trans, enby, cis, whatever, you are valid.
and jkr is not a feminist.
#trans pride#lgbtq+#anti jkr#femininity#misogyny#sexism#feminism#hermione granger#ginny weasley#cho chang#lavender brown#parvati patil#professor mcgonagall#sybill trelawney#anti dumbledore#hp#harry potter#ron weasley#hinny#romione#dolores umbridge#golden trio#silver trio#anti terf#enby#cis#gender fluid#genderqueer#petunia dursley#hp analysis
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That anon that said terfs use ace discourse to turn others into terfs is wrong. I have never seen any terf use this because terfs don't care about asexuals enough to do this. In real life people don't care enough about asexuals and I think this statement is just a poor way of saying "my opinion is right and yours is wrong because you're a n@zi"
Their main target is trans people. Do you know what tactic they actually use to turn others into terfs? They show cases and reports of trans people committing crimes (usually they show cases of trans women sexually assaulting someone) and they use those cases to prove to young impressionable feminist girls that trans people are actually evil and bad. Then terfs will say how no other trans person points this out and that only terfs do this.
This tactic always works because these girls can't excuse or explain the actions of criminal trans people and they are left alone thinking what terfs told them might actually be true. And now they don't want to support trans people like they did before because they think we are perverts who want to rape women.
You can literally ask any terf how she became a terf and she will tell you that she first supported trans people and was a huge activist for them untill she saw the crimes they commit or "the dark side of the trans community" usually meaning homophobic trans people or kids transitioning into an early age.
thts usually true for terfs who never thought they were trans!! for sure, but me n anon were talking abt the trans men n enbies that they try to turn into terfs (ive had them try to Turn me) n they do use ace exclusion, but also.. they use literal anything they possibly can
its not their main target and they dont give a shit abour aces but they do try to use ace exclusion to make ppl deteansition. they use hating men. ace exclusion. feminism in general. literally anything.
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Change is the essential process of all existence.
— Spock
Hi everyone! ✨👽
My name is Jay and I am a transgender man living in the weird state of Indiana and gelatin. I've decided to document my transition here on Tumblr for my own progress and to help educate and support my trans siblings.
👽 About Me 👽
I am a biracial FtM transgender man. My pronouns are he/him/his.
My gender journey has been a long one. I'm probably not like a lot of other trans people you may know or hear about, I don't believe I was born in the wrong body. In 2020, I had decided it was time to start focusing on myself and I started ny weight loss journey. At the time I identified loosely as a girl, but later, with the help of my nonbinary friend, found that Genderfluid fit me best.
I worked on my body, my diet, and my mental health during that time. With weight loss, I learned that you have to accept your body's changes and progress. You might think losing weight is a line that goes straight down from fat to skinny, but I found that wasn't the case. My weight had fluctuated up and down, peaking and plateauing, jagged until I reached my goal.
To prevent myself from mental anguish and developing food issues, I stared myself down naked in the mirror. I said to my body that we don't have to be best friends, but I accept you no matter what. I accept you, because you will change, and I will celebrate every change along the way. I had also made the conscious effort not to let myself spiral for having a snack or eating high calorie foods sometimes.
I had hated my body until that moment. I already have depression, I didn't need to keep ruminating on how much my body didn't look or feel right. I accepted it with the condition that I would change it to make me happier. And I did, and I am.
I identified as genderfluid for a few years. I had a "girl season" (she/her pronouns and name) and a "boy season" (he/him pronound and Jay). Sometimes I had an enby season where I didn't identifiy as either and preferred they/them. It's no surprise to me now that boy season stuck a lot longer. I began to identify as a transgender man at 24.
Then I began the slow process of understanding what that meant for me. I always thought that everyone daydreamed of being a man. I thought every woman wanted to be able to walk around with their shirt off. More than anything I wanted my own full beard that went with my long curly hair so I could embody that rocker/stoner dude look. I have also always hated my DDD sized breasts and since I had grown them had always wanted a breast reduction. I detested the thought of giving birth since childhood, a miracle I am happy to forefit.
I didn't feel a strong dysphoria for my body. When I was a child and learning to use the computer, I wished I had a penis, and found an educational website that explained how sex reassignment surgery worked. I was determined from then on not to have a micropenis. I'd happy trade in my large chest for it's masc equivalent. I didn't think that this meant anything and assumed that it was normal for girls to feel this way. Who wouldn't want one?
Still, I struggled to perform femininity. Nothing I did wver felt right or comfortable. I hated being seen or called a girl. It wasn't that I didn't like women in general, I am bisexual and have had both cis male, female, and nb partners. It was that it didn't fit me and at the time I didn't know what that meant until I found my community. My home in my identity as a guy.
If you have any questions, stories, or if you're a terf who believes they have any authority to tell someone what they can and can't be, feel free to message me! I'm not going to leave any corner of my journey hidden. I want to be part of the discussion and education. I want to support my trans siblings in their endeavors, and I plan on being a huge nerd about it.
Live long and prosper. 🖖
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the sad truth about taylor swift
as someone who spent their youth idolizing the woman, i was once in a place where i would consider taylor swift my hero. i was astounded by her beauty, the eurocentric features she had that i as a black person envied at the time. i was inspired by her work ethic and in awe of her talent. i didn’t care about her dating history, or where she was from or the genre of music she made. i myself have always been a girls girl ( now enby but you know what i mean ). the older i got though the connection i had to taylor disappeared and i often credit that fact to my journey of self love for me being a black person and being more proud of my culture. i now know that fact is only a part of it. taylor swift’s career post red era has been about two things. her rebrand and feminism. taylor spent a lot of her early career dealing with misogynist in her business telling her about the people she dated as if any of thats their business. and yes i believe that feminism is something great to talk about and women deserve support and need to be fought for especially after everything women and people assigned female at birth go through. my problem with taylors feminism is that, she only includes one type of woman when shes advocating for women. the white cis-heterosexual able bodied woman. feminism is suppose to be something to aid all women and help women achieve equal rights and respect both socially and in the work place but when you’re only advocating for white womens rights then you start teetering on white supremacist territory and thats an issue. i could go in depth about how i’ve never seen her advocate for black women and other women of color and i’ve actually infact seen her blame men for something when she could’ve used her platform and called out what was wrong. to be more specific nicki minaj was not nominated for a mtv award when it came to best music video for anaconda despite the video having more views than all the nominees. nicki minaj called out mtv and used taylor and another artist as an example and taylors response was “maybe one of the men took your spot” instead of saying yeah i totally see what you’re talking about you did great and your video was impactful ( which is was it was the biggest music video drop of that year ) and you deserve to be up here. but she didn’t, instead of rallying behind nicki as an actual feminist would do and support her as she called out an industry that was being biased against black women specifically. taylor just took the blame off of herself. which to me is very problematic and not feminist at all, blaming men for everything may be fun in jokes but sticking together is going to get things done. my next problem with her is her anti blackness issue. taylor claims to be someone whos politically woke and wants to speak up for the voiceless but i’ve never seen her defend a black person or a person of color ever. i’ve actually seen her enable her fans to harass a black actress for a line in a tv series. a line the actress did not write. if she had a problem with the line ( which is understandable it was lame and sextist ) she should’ve called out the writer which is really easy to do instead of being hyber aware that her attack dogs were bullying black women and doing nothing about it. as well as her whole feud with kanye. yes what he did was wrong and stupid and he totally deserved to get told about himself. victimizing yourself for the past 10+ years cause he hurt your feelings, really ? also being aware that he struggles with mental illness and insisting on getting into it with him publicly sometimes provoking him and then hiding your hands after throwing rocks. i just thing sometimes taylor can be racially insensitve and if she wants to be this activist like she claims to she needs to stop getting into it with mentally ill black men in their 40s and victimizing herself and start advocating for bipoc people around the world who are actually struggling. i have never seen her comment in her support of black lives matter or supporting asian americans when they were expierencing a rise of hate crimes this year. last but not least. all to well. all too well was a short film on her “Taylors version” album and i watched it and felt so bad for her cause nobody deserves to be gaslit like that. as well as no 30 year old man should be involved with a 19 year old i don’t care if its legal its weird. but i also got to thinking. taylor has had her fair share of relationships where she was the adult and the person was either freshly 18 or a minor. she was 20 with taylor launter and i think he was 17 and connor kennedy was either 17 or freshly 18 and she was 22. so i think her understanding what happened to her was wrong but doing this is, actually bizarre.
these are just my thoughts though.
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Boxes don't exist when it comes to life. They don't exist when it comes to humans, or sexuality, or gender. Queerness is a spectrum. To claim there are boxes is wildly ignorant and homophobic (a transphobe's favorite word is "homophobe!").
But I know. Boxes make it easier for you to identify the "enemy", makes it easier for you to know who to hate.
Gnc folks prove gender isn't a box. Bisexual and pan and mspec people prove sexuality isn't a box. Trans people prove sex isn't a box. Intersex people prove sex isn't a box. Asexual people prove sexuality isn't even a straight line spectrum from "gay" to "straight". Nonbinary people prove gender isn't a straight line spectrum from "man" to "woman".
Butch women who use he/him pronouns. Butch women who use testosterone. Old butches who describe their gender as bisexual, because words have changed meanings over the years. They exist, and they break your little boxes. They've been around longer than you have, longer than the internet. Are you going to tell a 50 year old butch who's been queer longer than you've been alive that he's wrong and he needs to pick a box that makes it easy for you?
Drag queens who aren't sure if they're trans or not but know what they like; drag queens who get surgery or do hormones. All valid, all been around longer than you. You gonna tell her she's not queer? That she needs to pick a box?
Modern day enbies and agender folks and bisexuals and pansexuals, all of whom say "there is no box, the concept of the box is from the patriarchy and western colonialism and Christianity and we reject those boxes". Scientists who are studying gender and sex and sexuality and finding that there aren't any boxes, that all of this is fluid and just as imperfect as life itself. Doctors who are starting to listen to us, who are supporting us, helping us.
And then there's you. In my inbox, screaming about how there are definitely boxes and I'm homophobic for saying they don't exist. That wasn't even an answer to the question I just recently asked 😸
If it's easier for you to believe in boxes, you have that right. You can make friends with people who are rigidly supportive of the binary: there's only male and female, there's only man and woman, there's only gay or straight. It of course makes no sense why a living creature would function like a computer, but you go on believing that.
#trans#transgender#lgbtqia#nonbinary#queer#i never tag these with their buzzwords and yet they always find me#that's a sign of self harm#seeking out things you know will make you angry#maybe go touch grass
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The ask about radfems being right made me want to rant. The sheer vitriol against TERFs (including graphic rape threats which automatically makes them look sympathetic) made people forget some important points
1) radfems, and people who believe in radical ideologies, are very good at presenting the milder points of their philosophy. No radfem is dumb enough to go to someone like "men should be castrated before puberty for the safety of women", they'd start with something much milder like "I hate how teen boys get sex ed from porn at a young age" or something like that
2) the same line can have different meanings depending on the person. "We must protect vulnerable ethnicities at risk of genocide": a normal person might mean, I don't know, indigenous people being erased, and you might agree. But what if it's a white supremacist saying that, and he meant white people being replaced by mixed race people and immigrants? Very different context. Radfems employ similar strategies: "a dress doesn't make you a woman" can mean "gender is not tied to gender expression" or "trans women aren't women"
3) a broken clock is right twice a day. Just because a radfem says that the sky is blue, doesn't mean it's actually green. Just because she denounces Jessica Yaniv (because no one else does), doesn't mean you have to defend that person. Just because she says that the number of AFAB enbies who say "I'm nonbinary because I hate common women experiences like pregnancies" is worrying and might hint at internalized misogyny, doesn't mean she isn't right about that. Again, it's the entire context that makes radfeminism repugnant, but you can agree on some points for very different reasons.
And besides, we all know the woke left loves almost every radfeminist points except "trans bad" and "queer is a slur", so they don't get to complain :V
Mad agree (also I want to clarify that the ask wasn’t about radfems being right—it was about their base level claims often being right and easy to agree with, as well as easy to understand where those claims come from. And that’s how people go down the road of getting into the radical stuff, and ending up being batshit crazy radical feminists/terfs).
Your point about starting with milder takes is exactly what I was trying to get at with my response to the ask—and you gave a great example. On the surface, the take “I hate that teen boys get sex ed from porn” is an overall agreeable one. Porn is a terrible place to get sex education, in the same way medical shows are terrible places to learn what it’s like to be a surgeon, and cop shows are terrible places to learn what it’s like to be a cop. It’s all incredibly unrealistic.
So arguably, radfems are right when they make that surface basic claim, as it’s not a radical feminist exclusive claim. But then they manage to twist “teen boys are getting sex ed from porn and that’s bad” into “we should just castrate teen boys because men are inherently rapists and porn makes you a rapist”. And I would hope most rational people would go “holy shit wtf” to that claim.
And with the flexibility of lines, I see that a lot. I mean… it even happens with far right vs far left. Remember that post that said “white people shouldn’t adopt non white kids”, and a bunch of far leftists were agreeing because they believed white people adopting non white kids was racist… and it turned out the post had actually been made by a far right white supremacist, who believed that non whites were inferior to whites.
Terfs definitely take that into consideration. To myself, “a dress doesn’t make you a woman” means that dresses aren’t necessary to womanhood, and the lack of dresses isn’t necessary to manhood. To a terf, “a dress doesn’t make you a woman” means “trans women are men in dresses”.
And yes, thank you for pointing out the broken clock thing. Because obviously a radfem can say something sensical. Not everything that comes out of a radfem is necessarily radfem beliefs… so trying to act like anything a radfem ever says must be terf rhetoric is ridiculous. It’s just that most of the stuff radfems are “right” about are those surface level claims (again, like “a dress doesn’t make you a woman”) that aren’t actually radfem belief. It’s when you put that statement into the context they see it in, when it becomes radfem belief. That still doesn’t make the base claim wrong or radfem, though. Just the context radical feminism gives it.
Even “queer is a slur”… that’s not radfem belief. Do a lot of radfems believe queer is a slur? Yes. But something tells me that’s less about them being radfems, and more about many radfems being wlw (or at least claim to be wlw). The ones who aren’t claim to be allies (despite likely supporting political lesbianism). So is it really that surprising that a group largely filled with wlw, people who think they’re wlw, and people who think they support wlw, is against a homophobic slur being treated as if it’s not a homophobic slur???
I also agree that terfs are able to rack up a lot of sympathy from the constant hatred thrown their way. I know we all dislike terfs. But aggressively hating them is exactly what they want!!! Because then they can say things like “they’re silencing us because they don’t want to hear the truth”, or claim victimhood because clearly everyone hates them because something something patriarchy misogyny sexism. I’ve seen so many terfs take pride in the hatred they get, and it only solidifies their beliefs and turns others towards them. So no, constant “fuck terfs” posts don’t do any good. They just fuel the fire of the radfem oppression complex.
And it’s completely true that a lot of progressives actually would agree with radfem beliefs in full context, as long as it didn’t have “radfem/terf” attached onto it. And as long as it had nothing to do with trans people. Mainly anything talking about how evil men are.
Anyways, great points!!
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Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!
okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo
disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited
tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops
going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!
so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!
so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.
now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.
speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.
moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"
so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:
Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.
Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously
Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him
Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away
Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else
when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.
whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo
generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.
also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.
edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!
now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]
so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!
um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:
cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him
paints nails various different colors
the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc
gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)
comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)
moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.
so, let's start with good things!
i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol
mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.
that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,
namely:
dizzee and thors first kiss
the lack of development this pairing got
the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders
the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not
dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????
now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.
so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????
also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it
so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.
the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)
and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.
during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.
so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol
#shit self#asks#the get down#mylene cruz#shaolin fantastic#dizzee kipling#long post#analysis#info dump#idk if anon has seen tgd or is just being nice so i tried givinh background to things#kinz#bangerz#discourse
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AYYY YOUR FAVORITE HIGH SCHOOLER GOT SUSPENDED
well to be fair my whole grade got suspended...we did some shit...
ANYWAY
whisprers women
THIS CHP IS THE BADASS GIRLS IM SO EXCITED
JBDSCGHJVDHJ MINA IM DEAD-
I SWEAR I LOVE HER SO MUCH
“Mooooom,” Kit yelled. “Mina is using her powers to prank me! Again!”
“Had to tell her, didn’t you?” Mina asked. “Such a mama’s boy.”
I love
tessa wanting to be with magnus at this time just-
THEIR FRIENDSHIP
oh yes max
slow laugh
hes just paying grandpa a visit
im sure he'll be back by supper
Sure, Rafael had broken the law. But why were they debating whether he should have a funeral or not?
Things like that shouldn’t be up for debate.
You can’t debate over someone’s right to have a fucking funeral.
exactly. he's dead. what more do you wanna do?
“Alec might be in a lot of pain right now. But he is with his family. With his husband. Alec did that. He changed the law for Magnus. And that’s never going to go away.”
pain is slightly easier when you share it with your loved ones. im so worried for him
“Don’t you think I want the Covenant to change?” Kit asked. “Think about how much we can achieve if we can find the right support.”
“For Ty?” Mina asked in a small voice.
“For everyone,” Kit smiled. “But removing this law will only cause more problems.”
“So, we need to replace it,” Mina echoed. “With something better.”
“Exactly,” Kit grinned. “You see, shadowhunters are very slow learners. But they do learn. So, we need to be patient. We need to keep fighting. But we must do it the right way. Like Alec did. That’s how you fix a system.”
just taking away the bad thing doesnt fix shit. we need to find better things to replace it with
this is very important
Rafael.
Rafael was supposed to come after him.
But Rafael was no longer the next Consul.
Rafael was a criminal.
Rafael was dead.
STOP
NO I AM IN ✨ denial ✨
“Nothing,” Kit chuckled. “Sometimes, people need to carry their own pain.”
“So, we just stand and watch?” Mina asked incredulously.
“No. We sit next to them and hold them,” Kit whispered. “If Max is hurting, don’t try to fix it.”
“But I want it to stop!”
“That’s not for you to decide, is it?” Kit cocked his head. “Sometimes we want other people to stop hurting because that’s what is best for us. It’s a little selfish.”
this !!!!!
He was the best the shadowhunters had to offer.
so true bestie
these shadowhunters need to fucking get over it and accept they need mundane medicines some times
“We are shadowhunters. We do not wait to be saved by others. We save ourselves.”
“We should have never told you all the stories,” mama chuckled. “What have I told you about quoting Will?”
“That he is totally awesome, and we should do it more often?” Mina grinned.
AHHAHAH SO TRUE WILL
“Tea has been spilled,” Kit pointed out.
“Where?” mama and papa asked worriedly and looked around.
OH MY GOD
JESSA NOT GETTING MODERN LINGO JUST
OLIVIA AND EMMA
OH MY GOD IT'S THEM
Things were definitely better than they had been yesterday.
She supposed that’s how life worked.
yeah. just one day at a time
aurelia is such a pretty name
and achilles
beautiful
oh my god julian knows
Uncle Mark was standing on the rooftop of the institute and waving at them – was he waving with his shirt???
“Let’s go in before he takes off his pants,” dad smiled.
MARK MY PRECIOUS NO-
just gigi and roman
that's it
“Tell him we miss him,” Aunt Helen smiled.
“And kidnap him and bring him back, if possible,” Aunt Aline added.
“Okay,” Uncle Kieran gave her a thumbs up.
the covenant needs to CHANGE
IT'S FUCJUNG DUMB
what about people with mental illnesses? what about trans and enby people? what about now????
ffs get over your prejudice
“The Covenant is turning people into criminals.”
exactly
How was someone supposed to feel good about something when they had to hide it from the world?
It probably made them feel like criminals.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FACTS
But it felt wrong to fight for something like this. It felt demeaning to fight for your vote to get married or to love freely.
Alec Lightwood had fought for all of them.
someone get me a alec lightwood bane please and thank you
“They won’t - because this law doesn’t affect them. People only give a shit about things when suits them.”
and that's the problem. people dont recognize their privilege
ANJALI MY LOVE
I LOVE HER
It was weird how people died but never really left. They latched themselves to the most obscure things.
i miss him so much
Her nails were bright red though.
She didn’t remember painting them. She wondered who had done that.
rafael did...
STOP
NO IM GOING TO CRY IT'S 3 57 AM I HAVE 3 TEST IN THE MORNING
diego knew this whole time...
“You don’t have insurance. You don’t get paid leave. You don’t have retirement plans,” Camila grumbled. “You do so much work but with no employee benefits. These people are ripping you off.”
so true
like come on you guys
this fucking law needs to go
he's dead...
he's dead
he's fucking dead
how's that fair
they were gonna get shit done together
they were gonna get married
the binder
everything
i...
OH MY GOD
you know some times i doubt my attraction in men
then i come across these gems
he just walked around without a shirt fixing people's water coolers
that's so sexy sir please-
do not simp over a dead man do not simp over a dead man do not simp over a dead man
She hadn’t been able to cry before.
Because she had been grieving the past.
The days she had spent with Rafael. The days they had held each other and the days with the comforting words.
Despite the sickness and the pain, there had been nothing sad about those days.
Even when she had been dying, they had been the best days of her life.
But now…Now she was grieving the future.
She was grieving the future she would never have.
And she couldn’t hold back the tears.
For she would never have any of this.
She would never get to fix things with Rafael.
She would never get to watch YouTube tutorials with him.
She would never get to see him shirtless.
Every time she thought of something she couldn't have, it felt like she had lost him all over again.
it hurts like a bitch and it never stops.
because every time, something new comes up. but with every passing thing it gets slightly better. but it's there.
it's always fucking there
and it never truly stop hurting
“Girl, I don’t know who you’re trynna fool,” Camila chuckled and pulled out the codex from her handbag. “Your codex is full of Rafael doodles!”
“Give me that!” Anjali tried to grab the book.
The other girl swiftly moved it away. Maybe the nephilim reflexes were catching on.
“I particularly love this doodle of Rafael with wings,” Camila cooed. “Very shadowhunter-y of you.”
“Camila, I swear to god-”
“So, stop denying you weren’t head over heels for this boy,” Camila giggled. “Look! You even doodled your wedding invitation.”
“I was thirteen!” Anjali hissed.
Aww that's so adorable
idc idc hes alive i cant see her sad
“Because they raised Rafael,” Camila smiled. “I don’t know much about them, except that they are very hot. But from what I could gather, they are good people.”
“They are great people,” Anjali corrected.
yes youre right they are very hot
I MEAN THEY ARE ALSO GREAT PEOPLE YES
anjali's monologue fucking broke me
i will never be ok
“Maybe your people have a point about the Covenant,” Camila whistled. “Cause if the beauty industry figures out your angelic blood can lead to faces like that, y’all gonna get hunted for sure.”
LMAO BYE-
gabriel i will punch you in the face get out
i keep on forgetting he's joking around
I FORGOT THEY USED TO BE FRIENDS
JUISDVUGVFDUGYFVD
“Why do hot people hang out in herds? What’s up with that?”
RIGHT???
“Let me just see if he is awake.”
STFU NOT FUNNT
“You do!” Anjali said. “You have a crush on Jace Herondale’s daughter.”
“Shut up!” Gabriel hissed.
“So much for hating on rich people, Gabriel,” Anjali tutted. “You are simping after shadowhunter royalty.”
i cant wait for the anjali and malec scene
“I lost him,” Lily had kept saying. “I lost my Rafael all over again.”
everything got so much worse
how...
how was what rafe did worse than what valentine and his son did
explain this to me
“Kingsley, that’s enough!” the Consul thundered. “Keep this up, and there will be a trial for your funeral.”
Anjali couldn’t help but smile at that. “Thank you, Kingsley Nightstorm. You have proved that this trial is nothing but a ridiculous attack against the Lightwood-Bane family.”
YES EXACTLY
and max is chilling with his grandpa thats why he aint here
im so in love wih anjali
its not even a joke
i love women
CAMILA NO
BABY NO
i just
that mundanes saved your lived
so fuck you
be thankful to camila
camila, rafe, gigi, roman, lily
you wouldnt be here if it wasnt for them
so stfu
“And mundane medicine is not just about physical illnesses,” Camila pointed out. “It’s about protecting your mental health. And I mean no disrespect, but from the looks of it, most of y’all would benefit from therapy.”
im close to tears. i am so so proud of them
“That extremely hot person is the only one with a brain cell here,” Camila whispered.
“That’s Jem,” Anjali chuckled. “He used to be a silent brother.”
“The attractive zombie doctor makes valid points,” Camile announced.
yes, yes he does
nephillim love technicalities dont they?
“I found it!” Camila said triumphantly and read out loud from the Codex. “Nephilim are sworn by the Covenant never to reveal the truth of the world to a mundane unless such a revelation cannot in any way be avoided.”
this.
“Aw, Anjali. You can draw!” Clary said and cleared her throat. “Um, yes. It’s true. It’s on page 10 of the Codex.”
no please no
no no no
i havent completely scroleld down
just the line "it didnt matter"
please no
it's a tie
i have actual tears
They were scared of what Camila and Anjali and Georgia and everyone in the new generation represented.
Change.
Something shadowhunters would never get used to, even though it was the only inevitable thing in their lives.
i will drop kick these bitches off of everest and let them freeze to death
that's our fucking reality and if you cant deal with it...
SOMEONE ISNT HERE
also 171??? THAT'S IT???
OH MY GOD MY BOY IS GETTING HIS FUNERAL
im crying i cant
it was about your future...the cat or dog...
She sang for her Rafael.
The boy who was only asleep.
i cant do this
hi michael
nice to meet you
now lemme decide if i likey or no
Michael found it to be ridiculous. Shadowhunters were always concerned about the most trivial things. They fought over things that didn’t matter.
It’s why they were separated now. It’s why Idris was alone.
Because shadowhunters were ridiculous.
truer words have never been spoken
EW ZARA
zara what the fucking fuck
“If you hurt Selena, I will kill you myself.”
in all honesty michael seems kinda stalky creepy
ehh...im not sure how i feel about anyone right now...
bro istg the serotonin I get from your liveblogs is just >>>>>
You are so witty and funny.
Imma just ignore the bit about the school suspension...Enjoy the off days I guess ;)
And I love, love, love the thoughts you share in between all of this. They are precious and SO important.
Also you are so gay I love it.
Women-
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I think it's pretty obvious who I'm talking about specifically, but if you're still confused: yes, this is partially about the ProtectAnaFlores blog, but also at anyone who's going after people for not liking Ana Flores (particularly people with CP who have a valid reason not to).
I didn't like Ana Flores. While I am disabled, I don't have CP and so I wanted to listen to the input of people who do and since they all spoke about her being ableist I was able to recognize her ableism myself and decide that she wasn't a character I should support. If you don't have CP, you don't really have the authority to say whether someone who was ableist towards a character with CP was actually ableist to them because of it or not- even if you are disabled, because it's different. I will never know what it's like to have CP or how people would treat me because of it- I am physically-abled passing anyway, so I don't experience that kind of ableism much; I will never know what it's like, so I trust people who do when they talk about it because THEY are the only ones who WOULD.
"If you don't like Ana Flores you're a misogynist."
If you're a cis gay guy- you're not really qualified to lead conversations about misogyny, considering you have never-and will never- experience it; you actually thrive off of it, like any other cis man. Should you be an ally and call it out? Definitely. Do you know more than afab people, who experience it every single day? absolutely not. Not liking Ana does not make me misogynistic, just like liking/defending her does not wholly absolve you of not being misogynistic.
If you group afab people who don't identify as women (i.e, nonbinary people) with women in your mind, purely because they're afab and not because it's what they identify as, then you kind of suck. Cis gays have been known to be almost as (if not just as) transphobic as cis straight people and I'm tired of seeing it. While I agree that there are a lot of women in fandom spaces that fetishize mlm relationships (I've been fetishized a LOT for being a trans and queer person- I know how disgusting it is), labelling every single Buddie shipper as "a white woman or afab enby who fetishizes gay men" is... wrong. I'm afab, transmasc and agender, but I label myself loosely as mlm and so being grouped in with women purely because of what I was assigned at birth, and not because of my actual gender identity, when it comes to appreciating mlm relationships feels borderline transphobic. Non-binary people can be gay for men too, and even if they're not, maybe they see themselves in Buck/Eddie and so their relationship means something to them? The other (canon) couples, whether they be straight or queer, mean a lot to me as well- literally every person I follow or have interacted with about 911 loves the other queer/BIPOC representation just as much and more often than not is queer and/or BIPOC themselves.
(this is NOT dismissing the fact that A LOT of the 911/Buddie part of the fandom is racist, ableist, misogynistic and has people who fetishize queerness as a whole. I acknowledge that and hate those people just as much as most of us do-same for the cishet people who make spaces like this unsafe for us queer people- but I'm not addressing that right now.)
Call people out on their bullshit if it's spreading harm and/or misinformation, absolutely, but don't harass and bully a bunch of people (some of which are literal MINORS) for finding comfort in Buddie when there's no reason to other than they like these two together. You've called me "pathetic and 100% the worst" for doing absolutely nothing before, simply because you caught onto the fact that I enjoy Buddie. Aren't you doing the same exact thing you hate Buddie shippers for? Seems fairly hypocritical, but I guess you're the only person who gets to call people out on that... because you're a gay guy.
#anti ana flores#I don't mean to be rude or seem angry#but if you are harming people and then getting mad at them for supposedly doing the same thing#you're not any better#I just wanted to get my thoughts about it out because people like that are exhausting#911 discourse#ableism#PLEASE feel free to talk to me if I have ever said anything offensive#I do not want to be held unaccountable for any mistakes I have made or hurt I have inflicted on others#also stop throwing the word abuse around so loosely
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I know it’s years old now but I’m still upset that in her SU is Garbage vidéo Lily has a whole section about how one of the only non-binary character’s would “make more since as a trans woman” and that Sugar just made Stevonnie enby because “it’s easier” and then she spent the rest of the video constantly misgendering Stevonnie, calling them “she/her” smugly like calling a non-binary character a women was super progressive or something. And correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure she never apologized for this and only doubled down with “well it’s Sugar’s fault for writing the character that way” (how dare a non-binary creator write to their own personal feelings, am I right? Should’ve consulted Lily, who isn’t non-binary, first 🙄). And then she viciously attacked Contra for saying some badly worded but ultimately supportive things about us non-binaries (which Lily edited to make look much worse than they actually were). As a non-binary person she does not feel like an ally to us at all, despite what she says about how “inclusive” she is, and I know other communities she claims to support have said similar. She just likes to use buzzwords to draw marginalized people in without actually giving a shit about anything but pushing her own headcanons as canon (because that’s what most of her content is at the end of the day, hell she’s going after Cypher because of a fight over sexuality headcanons. That’s not a critic.)
Wait? Lily misgendered Stevonnie?
*goes to check* Oh, I think I know what the problem is. Lily does use the proper They/Them pronouns with Stevonnie, but she also keeps calling them a woman, pretty lady, feminine and all around says their a woman, without saying their a woman.
Also, upon the quick rewatch, her argument for Stevonnie being non-binary being inherently boring and uninteresting, because it doesn't say anything about Steven, is actually pretty messed up, now that I'm paying attention. Lily seems to be upset that Stevonnie isn't a cis woman/transwoman, because if they where, then that would mean that Steven is trans, which is something Lily probably wanted to happen, because then the cast would be all woman.
The whole thing also feels like she resents non-binary people. But she doesn't outright say that. I can definitely feel the vibe though.
She does use a lot of buzzwords without seemingly understanding what they mean, in order to attract a marginalized audience, but then she tells them how they should act and perceive the world around them. Like she's the Queen of Shiba or something. I've also noticed that she tends to pushes her own reality onto things that may not support it, and gets mad when people tell her that it's not kosher.
But honestly, that Steven Universe video is a mess. Just rewatching/reading what she's saying really shows how poor her arguments are (only checked one section though). I think I understand Sarah Z's reaction better now, although Sarah's video was still pretty poorly done.
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This trans woman supported the “gender critical” TERFs. Then she realized that she had joined a transphobic cult.
Sometimes trans people end up supporting the ones that that belittle and marginalize transgender people. This is not as strange as it sounds. They might have grown up in the same transphobic culture as, let’s say, religious fundamentalist fanatics or the trans-exclusionary, “gender critical”, radical feminists (TERFs). Even “normal” culture reflects the fear of sex and gender variation. Do they internalize the transphobia and/or the homophobia of the surrounding society.
This twitter thread of @Kinsys gives us one such story.
//I'm having this massive *duh* moment right now. When I first started becoming popular with the GC [Gender Critical/Trans-exclusionary radical feminist] crowd, a lot of trans people tried to sway me away from it. They called me bootlicker, quisling, TERF, truscum, and more. Some of the more compassionate ones tried to warn me.
"They'll turn on you eventually", they said. I didn't think so. At the time, I was still wet behind the ears and confident that I could good faith my way into solving the problems. I didn't see prejudice, I saw legitimate concerns and people frustrated by their inability to speak.
I realized that they needed a voice, someone who could stand up and speak The Truth, and on whom the accusations of transphobia would sound utterly absurd.
After all, I am trans.
After all, I was defending Reality.
But looking back, it turns out I was joining a cult.
It's suddenly clear to me that I was, in fact, bootlicking. I just couldn't see it because it wasn't GC boots I found so tasty. It was an entire lifetime of internalized homophobia and transphobia. I was driven to justify my existence to facsimiles of my family.
It wasn't just that, though. It's not as if I didn't, and don't, genuinely care about women's rights. In fact I cared very much and still do. But there are many perspectives on women's rights, and I chose to defend the one that most closely mimicked the values of The Cult.
It was, on some level, a subconscious attempt at putting myself through another unorthodox round of conversion therapy. I wanted to agree with their views on trans people, because if I could then it might be possible to redefine myself by them. I wanted to fix my transness.
Earlier, reading a long, cathartically ranty blog post linked by @surfacingwater, I began to realize a rather pesky truth I've been trying to hide beneath an attractive labyrinth of nuance: I have never truly accepted that I'm LGBT.
Alongside my love affair with GC ideas, I was also busy exploring Blanchardism [this is a reference to the transphobic autogynephilia theory]. If GC ideology represented my mother's perspective (I was a small child when she became the first to tell me, bitterly, that trans women were mutilated men), then Blanchardism represented my father.
It was cold observation, and required unflinching reflection. It was a new echo of so many moments in which my father grabbed my jaw and forced me to look him in the eye, admit I wasn't telling him the truth, and open my soul to him or else Hell.
GC ideology wanted me to believe that trans women are all just mutilated men, and fuck our pain, our effort. Especially if you're one of those fetishists Blanchard was kinder but no less firm: it's cool you are who you are, he said. Just admit that you're a perverted fetishist.
It's easy to see why this eventually created a mental health crisis. But while I was in it, being torn three ways, it made it possible for me to entertain the notion that I was actually Cis. It let me gaslight myself into believing I could actually be a straight man.
But I was never a straight man. I was always a queer. In high school, people identified me as a "faggot" and it didn't matter how much I protested. They bullied me just the same. And I knew on some level they were right. I knew I was different. I knew it showed.
So I worked to fix it. I spent years learning unnatural body language. I learned to pass for straight, most of the time, anyway. "Why do you look like you're posing all the time?" People would ask. "I'm not!!!" I would snap, while double-checking that I wasn't sitting wrong.
I've tried to hash this out a thousand times, invalidate it over and over but the truth is that I'm a really feminine human. I was a feminine kid, a really, really scared one. I wanted to be anything other than who and what I was.
But reading that long post was like a reflection of everything I spent my entire life trying to avoid. I wanted to be liked, because if people like you they don't abuse you, and in my world abuse was the default. So much so I couldn't understand why trans people fought back.
It was, and has always been, a desperate attempt to generate an illusion of control. But we can't control it. And I can't stop existing as myself any more than anyone else can. I *am* everything I was ever afraid I'd be: Trans, Homosexual, Fetishist, Irrational.
And I finally just realized that I don't need to justify my fucking existence. I don't need to tell you the contents of my soul, father. They're mine. I can keep them, I can love them, and if society hates me for them that's on them. It's not me, society, it's you.
And with this I finally understand what I should have figured out long ago: Justification isn't possible. We have a right to exist. We have a right to exist exactly as we are, without needing to justify it, without needing to prove our value.
And all these people bitching about "biology" can fuck right the fuck off, because this *is* my biology and it's not a joke. Most importantly, our suffering isn't about you. That's the whole GC problem: they're actually narcissistic enough to believe we're about them.
As for Blanchard, maybe he's right, maybe he's not. Maybe he's sometimes right, maybe not. Maybe he was then and isn't now. I don't know. The truth is I don't care. I don't see how on earth it matters. What matters is how we treat people. What matters is how we treat ourselves.
And no one is going to give us a space. We spend our childhoods rejected by boys and kicked across the yard by men loudly wondering why we don't hurry up and stand. Then these supposed women's rights groups accuse us of trying to infiltrate as if they're the center of our world.
And god forbid anyone come out as an enby: all of society will join in on the mockery. Sections of society shuffle us around endlessly like hotels that have only just happened to fill up, sorry. Try the next one, they'll take you.
So we have to fight for rights. We have to. Because being nice won't work. Being nice just means you get to be privy to 1001 conversations about how horrible people like you are. Every word indirectly slicing your self-esteem to ribbons. But at least they aren't calling you a man.
The fight isn't about what we always were. It's about creating a new way to look at the world that includes us as normal. It's about preventing further abuse. It's about solving the problem for future generations. That's what rights activism is about. That's why it matters.
And to all the actual TERFs out there bitching about how "the mask has fallen" and how I'm "showing my true colors": It's cause for celebration, no?//
Thread and comments here.
Top illustration by Henry James Garrett @henryjgarrett.
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