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phantomoftheorpheum · 1 year

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Just finished 1x07 of School Spirits, here are my (currently disorganized) thoughts-

*as usual, thoughts below a cut to avoid a massively long post.

Okay, well, first of all, glad that the Nicole stuff has come out now. It's pretty much exactly like I expected, though she has really muddled up the evidence (for the audience) by actively planting Maddie's bootprints. Is she behind any of the other "evidence?" I don't think so, but I'm going to have to consider that for a minute. I know that she and Simon were focused on the money, but it would have been nice if they'd talked at all about the fact that someone liked Nicole's social media post & since Nicole now also believes that Maddie is dead, they should be on the same page that it wasn't her.

It was immediately a red flag when Mr. Martin said his line about enjoying power & control. Obviously he's become actively more threatening throughout the episode. He's also in the fallout shelter when Dawn crosses over, so is he the one who died there? I have some somewhat vague theories about Mr. Martin, but I'll save those for the end.

Xavier called out that his own alibi relies on Mr. South, which does make him less suspicious to me again. Though I did think it was weird that he mentioned Mr. South whistling "the Titanic song" the whole time because he doesn't mention that he actually saw Mr. South the whole time. While Mr. South does feel like a red herring kind of character, I can't help but wonder if that will come back around in some way. Maybe it's something as simple as when we see what happened to Maddie, we hear him whistling that when she walks past the boy's bathroom, or something?

I know we needed to have various characters look suspicious and so Claire had a role to play throughout most of the season, but I really enjoyed her this ep & I wish we could have had more of this version of her throughout the season. I guess here's hoping for season 2!

I don't love that it seems like Claire & Mr. Anderson assumed the blackmail was coming from Maddie just because he hadn't given his number to any other students. It seems weird. Why would they even assume it's a student? What did Nicole say? But I think that's just the way it is, because I don't see how another twist fits in there well. It was a really bad and poorly supported assumption on Mr. Anderson & Claire's part, but okay.

Don't think I've forgotten that Mr. Anderson's alibi makes no sense, still. At least the alibi he told Claire. He said he spent the night with his father, Maddie was killed during the day & Xavier's alibi is for 8th period. Why would Mr. Anderson not be at school for 8th? That's never been mentioned/explained. The Sheriff claims he has a good alibi, but what is it?

Dawn mentions that people can be possessed by spirits. She is the perfect character to use to give the audience important information without them necessarily taking it too seriously. Plus, we later see that she's a lot "more" than anyone thought, and being taken seriously and appreciated seems to be what she needed to cross over. I think we need to take her concerns of possession pretty seriously.

Okay, I guess now is the time to talk about the fact that it seems like Janet didn't actually cross over & Mr. Martin clearly has something to do with that/is lying about it. I have about 12 different half-baked theories with this whole situation, so I don't even know which way to turn. Is Janet still around, or can he somehow absorb the energy of other ghosts and has basically killed her? Maybe through hypnosis? Perhaps hypnosis (or maybe any mentally altered state) on a living person leaves them vulnerable to possession, but on a ghost leaves them vulnerable to being absorbed or controlled? Does he have the ability to impact the real world? Is it possible that he can influence the actions of the living? Maybe not fully control them, but heighten emotion/anger etc.? Could he have had a hand in Maddie's death? Either by being powerful enough to hurt her, or by being powerful enough to influence someone else to hurt her? Maybe he can't make someone do something completely out of character, but he can push them past their normal limits? He was down in the fallout shelter and that may be his reset point, so it doesn't seem out of the question that he was nearby when Maddie died. Or maybe he didn't have anything to do with what happened to Maddie & he's just being set up as a season 2 antagonist. See what I mean about all the theories/thoughts?

So. Maddie's mom. I'm glad we're finally starting to address what she was doing at the school on the day of Maddie's death. I've said before in a post that if she killed Maddie, it would have been a crime of passion, imo (could she have been influenced by Mr. Martin? Is she more susceptible to ghosts because of being under the influence?) But I'm not sure she's capable of this level of coverup, and I'm immediately suspicious of any "revelations" that happen before the final episode, since mysteries like to leave an element of surprise for the finale. At this point, I think it's likely she and Maddie argued & that she has Maddie's necklace, but she didn't kill her. I think the necklace is likely what's in the envelope that she's keeping in Maddie's dresser. In Maddie's flashback with her mom she yells either "that belongs to me" or "that belonged to me" which I'm guessing is about the necklace.

Which brings me to- The Sheriff. He's a loose thread. He could have followed Nicole from Maddie's house and dug up the money. The last we saw, she was there with Maddie's mom and the police. We were reminded, yet again, about his re-election campaign and money. He would have the ability to plant evidence pretty easily (the backpack, the "murder weapon," etc.). And he can steer the investigation. Simon mentions that when he was shown Maddie's file it didn't have the ticket with the boot print. Why would that be left out, unless the cops know that was faked and that he might realize that? And how could anyone know it was faked unless they knew Maddie's shoes, or they killed her & know she couldn't have left the prints? Did someone maybe call the police when Maddie's mom showed up drunk at the school, giving the Sheriff reason to be there? Did he encounter Maddie after her argument with her mom? The question is, what exactly would be his motive to kill Maddie? He's an asshole, and they made sure to show us how much in the scene with Xavier, but why would he want Maddie dead? He does seem motivated by money/re-election, but Maddie didn't actually have any money & how would be know anything about that situation?

Could Mr. Anderson and the Sheriff have been working together to steal money from Claire's stepdad? I feel like I'm missing a piece here in this theory, because Claire's stepdad was donating to the Sheriff's campaign, so I don't know why he would need to steal money, but- is it possible the Sheriff was in on Mr. Anderson's plan, so he knew that Mr. Anderson thought Maddie was blackmailing him & had been given some of the money? The police told Simon there was no money in Mr. Anderson's wall when they searched, but maybe it was there & the Sheriff was trying to protect him/the stolen money. At that point, there was no proof. Once Simon produces the proof that Mr. Anderson stole the money, the Sheriff can no longer pretend & Ms. Fields tells Maddie's mom that Mr. Anderson turned the money over, but maybe the Sheriff already had it & was just now forced to acknowledge this. Mr. Anderson's supposed alibi doesn't line up with the timeline, but the Sheriff says he has a good one. Did Anderson kill Maddie (maybe he was told to get the money back by the Sheriff, but ended up killing Maddie when he became frustrated that she was denying having it) and the Sheriff is helping cover it up? So many options.

Is the hooded figure that we saw in the house the same person as the hooded figure we saw at the end of 1x07? Seems likely, but we have no proof, so we can't rule out anyone whose location we don't know during both of those two events (so, anyone, really).

Okay, those are my immediate thoughts. I'm in the process of constructing a timeline with some added conjecture/theories, but I'm going to post it separately, since this is already so long. Speaking of, do you think we'll get to go through events chronologically (like watch Maddie's last day play out) in the final episode. That could be interesting! Not as the entire episode, since obviously we want to see progress with the characters in the current timeline, but I'd like to see some of the events we've already seen put into the context of the new information.

#school spirits #school spirits spoilers #school spirits theories #school spirits 1x07 #school spirits 1x07 spoilers #long post #td

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hebimoonlightwrites · 2 years

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hello, well my request is inspired by the drama "Extraordinary Attorney Woo" is about an autistic lawyer who has a very high IQ but social interactions are difficult for her, she is very cute skjssjd now directly to my request it is based on something similar (except for being a lawyer) would be headcanons "autistic mc fem with a high IQ who tries hard to socialize" ૮₍ ´ ꒳ `₎ა only for bae and saimon pls, sorry for all the long explanation, it happens when I get excited jejeej

Writer's corner: Hi, darl! Thank you so much for requesting this adorable kind of headcanons! (ALSO Thank you! I didn't know this drama. I think I'll start watching it! It seems so adorably beautiful!) I personally knew a few (and maybe also wrong) things about autism, so I made some deepened researches about it only to be sure to write it properly and respectfully. Hope I'll be able to write without making any kind of mistakes (if I do, please, DM me so I can fix!!) Also, hope you enjoy reading it, if not, let me know and ask for something else, so I can write another one for you. Enjoy!

Warnings: cute stuff and supportive~

⋆𝐵𝒜𝐸 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒮𝒶𝒾𝓂𝑜𝓃⋆ 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒶𝓃 𝒶𝓊𝓉𝒾𝓈𝓉𝒾𝒸 𝒻𝑒𝓂!𝓂𝒸 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒶 𝒽𝒾𝑔𝒽 𝐼𝒬 𝓌𝒽𝑜 𝓉𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝑜𝒸𝒾𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓏𝑒

⋆Allen is adorable, and I think no one has something to say against, even if he could be a little bit awkward in social situations.

⋆He'd be the one to introduce himself first to mc and then tilt his head, hearing her answer and voice tone. Has she just said some words which rhyme with her own name? That's an amazing and cool introduction, girl!

⋆He'd look at mc, who'd be trying to avoid Allen's gaze and keep her own head down, maybe embarrassed, and smile brightly. That's some true talent! None he's met has ever introduced themselves by listing some random words which rhyme with their name!

⋆"Did you seriously do a rap introducing yourself?! Wow... I loved it!"

⋆Allen would truly be surprised and keep mc as one of his closest friend, along with Hajun and Anne, of course.

⋆He'd learn more about her and, after he discovered she's some difficulties in communication, try to help her making friends.

⋆"You've some troubles with communication?.. Don't worry about it! We can do it together, even if sometimes I have too...! I'll help you making friends, I promise!"

⋆After that he'd go through a lot of situations with her dear mc, like trying to calm her down if there's any sudden noise or light, or even cuddle her to make her fall asleep if she can't.

⋆But he wouldn't be the only one to help her, of course.

⋆Mc would demonstrate to own a particular and high IQ so many times (I think she'd help Ryu completing a difficult puzzle, for example.. ow, how sweet.) and also show to deeply understand her friends' feelings.

⋆So I imagine her approaching Allen and hug him suddenly when she feels like he's stressed or sad.

⋆"Aw.. Thank you, mc.. But, I promise, I'm not sad, sweetheart."

⋆But she'd also show to be quite talented in music!

⋆In my opinion she'd be so great at it that she'd even manage to create some good tracks with Allen himself!

⋆While Allen is muttering to himself some thoughts or note about the new song and then even slightly show not to be conviced enough, mc would go to help him, like a dear superhero!

⋆"Hm... hmmmhm... What, mc?.. Why are you taking my laptop?...... Oh.. That's better! Thank you a lot! I think it could work incredibly! You're so amazingly talented!"

⋆In short, after some time spent with Allen, he'd fall in love with that dear and cute mc, as mc herself would realize that her biggest dream has come true: she's made some friends~

⋆"Go and conquer others' hearts with your kindness, mc! '𝒞𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒷𝒶𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒻𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒹𝓈 𝒽𝒶𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓈𝒽𝑒𝒹 𝓎𝑒𝓉!"

⋆Hajun would be so deeply touched by mc's cuteness and kindness!

⋆He'd meet her thanks to Allen and immediately think about how adorable she is.

⋆He'd be there protecting her all the times, like a guard would do for a queen.

⋆He would also be always free to spend some time with her, like even and simply hanging out or staying home watching movies.

⋆I think he'd delete his appointments just to spend that particular day with her sweet mc.

⋆I headcanon that Hajun would also cook her favourite dishes and organize an amazing birthday party for her, buying every kind of things she's pointed with her finger even at least once.

⋆When he knew that she can't communicate properly, he'd be the first to help her, by giving her tons of advices.

⋆"My dear.. No need to force yourself looking into others' eyes! It's seen that you're not comfortable enough with it. Just be as kind as you've always been with me and I'm sure you'll make a lot of friends!"

⋆In bad situations, like if mc is the subject of insults or she's been made fun of by some jerks, who think she's only dumb, I can imagine Hajun cover her and face those stupid jerks.

⋆"You are the dumbs here, because you're not able to understand how incredibly smart and how kind-hearted my love is. You should feel embarrassed by yourselves, 'cause she hasn't done anything bad to you and still you're behaving like some pieces of shit!"

⋆After that he'd comfort mc, cuddling her with some sweet words and caressing her back. He'd feel so sad for her..

⋆"I promise you'll make some friends."

⋆On the other hand I deeply think that Hajun would learn so much from mc herself!

⋆He'd learn to be more instinctive, and follow mc when she'd randomly chase some cats at the park. He'd giggle happily running with her, as mc would too.

⋆Also Hajun would burst out laughing if both he and mc fell into the park's fountain after chasing those cats.

⋆Of course he'd make sure that his dear mc isn't hurt, but then he'd laugh a lot along with her.

⋆It'd be like a beautiful fable, where the prince falls in love with a normal girl and learn to know her world, her reality, her living style, and, of course, accept and appreciate them all.

⋆He'd also be the one to notice how incredible has been to meet mc that day. Just like some sort of destiny's sight, a unique and amazing fate's sight!

⋆He'd be glad to hold her by his side and promise to himself to keep helping her with all his heart.

⋆"𝒴𝑜𝓊'𝓇𝑒 𝓈𝓊𝓇𝑒𝓁𝓎 𝒶 𝓀𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝒶𝓂𝒶𝓏𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓅𝑒𝓇𝓈𝑜𝓃, 𝓂𝒸.. I'll forever help you."

⋆Anne is so kind and supportive! They've decided to be themselves, living the life they wanted to, totally ignoring stereotypes and others' thoughts.

⋆They would be the greatest supportive friend (and maybe also lover, who knows?)!! No doubts!!

⋆They would always be there to say nice words to mc and also help her with her communication's problems.

⋆But how would they meet mc? I've imagined it during Anne's walk to home after school.

⋆They'd see mc jumping around happily and then simply get scared by a passer-by's dog's bark. Mc would jump scared because of how sudden that bark has been and bump into Anne, who were walking behind her.

⋆"Ouch-- I'm so sorry! Are you alright, darling?"

⋆After that mc would, of course, avoid Anne's gaze, keeping her head down and try to answer, but end up simply nodding adorably. Her hair would jump too, following mc's nodding.. and honestly it'd be so adorableee!!! AAAA

⋆That's how mc would follow Anne to a bar. As manly as they are, the pink-haired rapper would try to offer mc something to eat or drink.

⋆"I'm so sorry about what's happened before. Please, let me offer you something!"

⋆I headcanon that mc would become one of Anne's greatest friends, yes.. But I also imagine mc not to be able enough to look at the pink-haired rapper's eyes.

⋆She'd struggle, trying to hold her eyes towards herself, but fail and come back to look at the pavement, at her own hands or focus on her dear philosophy books.

⋆Yes.. she'd be great at philosophy and even smart enough to remember ALL of that shi- *cough* uhm.. sorry. Let's continue!

⋆Of course Anne would be surprised when they found out mc is a great philosopher and even manage to remember all of that stuff. They'd feel proud to have a friend like that!

⋆They'd also bury mc with a lot of nice words and complimets! Also cuddling her and comfort her when she's not feeling okay.

⋆Anne would be so sad to find out that mc has some problems in communication, and try hard to help her even making friends with Allen and Hajun (it wouldn't be hard, as we've already seen~)

⋆Finally, though, I think the pink-haired rapper would blush and fall in love completely with mc only after seeing her eyes.

⋆They'd bump into each other by mistake and fall onto the sofa. That's when mc would look straight into Anne's eyes for the first time and that's how Anne would terribly fall in love with her.

⋆"You say you can't speak properly to people... 𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝑒𝓎𝑒𝓈 𝓈𝒶𝓎 𝓈𝑜 𝓂𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝒹𝓈..!"

⋆Naoakira is such a gentleman! He's kind-hearted and doesn't abandon anyone who's in need, as we've seen with Ryu and Shiki.

⋆He's also a linguistic teacher (my co-worker.. lol!) and, as so, he helps every students who need some help with studying. It's also said that he treats BAE well. He's adorable, in short.

⋆As such, he'd help also mc, once discovered her communication's problem.

⋆He'd keep her by his side and try to help her as much as he can, by making her do some speaking exersises (of course also followed by some professionals) and even try to talk to her.

⋆He'd be curious to know her and even slightly blush after discover how cute and adorable she could be.

⋆Mc, on the other hand, would immediately notice something strange in Naoakira, since she'd be able to understand others' feelings so well!!

⋆She'd have a feeling Saimon isn't happy enough and try to help him too.

⋆I headcanon Naoakira fixing his own tie, looking at the mirror, and then seeing mc entering the bedroom shyly. He'd greet her smiling.

⋆"Good evening, mc! How are you today?"

⋆After some seconds he'd change his expression to a more curious one, since he'd see mc looking around the bedroom, like if she had lost something.

⋆"You've lost something, darling?"

⋆After that he'd freeze, realizing that mc is currently holding a picture. That's about Naoakira and his wife's marriage. Mc would look at him for some seconds and then hug the picture tightly. After that she'd gently put it back to the photo's frame.

⋆Saimon would realize how smart mc is and pat her head gently.

⋆"Thank you, mc.."

⋆I also think he'd completely try to protect her and even grow fold of her after he discover mc secret talent in music.

⋆He'd hear her voice once and immediately love it!

⋆He'd see her and think about his dear wife, who was also incredibly talented and also wanted music to be the way to peace.. a way with which people would have learnt how to know others and become all friends.

⋆If mc showed Naoakira his gentleness and innocence, Saimon would promise himself to truly help her.

⋆"I promise I'll do whatever I can. I don't want to lose anything else.. 𝐼 𝓌𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝓈𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊, 𝓂𝒸!"

©hebimoonlightwrites_tumblr Please, do not copy my contents nor repost it without my permission.

#paradox live #paradox live headcanons #paradox live headcanon #paradox live x reader #paradox live the cat's whiskers #the cat's whiskers #naoakira saimon #saimon naoakira #paradox live bae #bae #allen sugasano #hajun yeon #anne faulkner

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ninjasmart · 7 months

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Do you have any tips on how to get rid of inherited fears and limited beliefs caused by social conditioning?

The answer will vary depending on how ma y therapy tools you have.

I can give you a roadmap and you can customise it to your needs.

If you haven't hears about Byron Katie, I suggest you read her books. She is a good start. She has a good pdf with the emotions and the core beliefs.

With some practice you can pin point some of your cote beliefs - 3 to 5, but even if you feel strongly about 2 it is plenty.

If you haven't heard of it - google the emotion's wheel. That is another good start. If you think of a situation, think of rhe primary emotion that comes with it.

Knowing your primary emotions is key. This keps you with the next step - understanding where they came from originally - mom, dad, some other ancestor. You can do that with a clinical psychologist and / or with a family constellations person.

Having a bigger perspective is key to healing. The next step is to do somatic work. Google the 6 healing sounds. If you know a accupincturist do that as well.

Next step is to do Osho dynamic meditations. I love the shaking meditation. If I need a bigger transformation I do the mystic rose.

That is one big branch of healing - working with your emotions. Let's go to the other pillar of healing : the family. Read everything you can get on Brene Brown. She has done truly amazing work on toxic shame.

Then, learn about your family dynamics and most importantly what happens with a person who had a certain role in the family over time. This includes exploring your attachment style. A family therapist can help with that but there are also many books.

You need to explore your basic reaction - fight, fligth, fawn or freeze. It helps to watch wild animals who explain those reactions.

The third pillar of healing is DBT. I can't recommend it enough but one must be ready for it, otherwise it will be not so deep.

..This all may sound quite complex or confusing so let me give you an example. I was raised to be a good girl. That was my role - the good, the responsible one.

Our society makes us women to be the good girls. Especially if you have a NARC tendencies mother - there is no ither choice: you must be the perfectest perfect daughter and you will still not be enough to deserve your own mother's love. Her ambition - yes, as long as you fulfill it, her love - no, she has another child that she loves.

-The core belief is: I am not enough

-This core belief comes with a lot of sadness and perfectionism.

-It comes from a mother who was not available for me bwcause her mother was not available to her and her mother was not available to her because she was too busy running away, leaving family behind and staying alive during the wars.

-As an unloved daughter I tend to go in relationships with men who are exactly like my mom - not available, using me and being ready to discard me. In friendships I have always fawned to women who are older than me and are often sociopaths. Also, women who are hardworking and wise and experienced, but that is due to the course correction that my grandmother did when she raised me half the time (parents are divorced). (You can search research articles about "adult children of .... "- e.g. adult children of alcoholics, adult children of elder parents, adult children abandoned by father, adult children of serial adultery mother, etc etc).

-Knowing what you are made of comes with an understanding, eventually. The understanding of: I am who I am and that is enough ( you can repeat that each morning or evening for a month and you'll see how you'll change the way you see the world). For example - I do man's work with ease, rarely ask for help, and that fragile, vulnerable feminine part of me comes out only around real men.

-Accupuncture and 6 healing sounds and zhan zhuan and kundelini mantras and osho dynamic meditations helped a lot. We all have stored in our body the trauma of the childhood. Mine is from before I was born. I was not wanted, mom was made to not abort me, and she genuinely deapised me for being in her womb. That realization for where exactly the trauma is really coming from can be unlocked with breathwork. Highly recommend. But it has to be very, very experienced practitioner, not an idiot who sees you shaking and decides to calm you - if you start shaking, reasearch says - you need to shake it all off.

-Now, the next big thing is - family. For me the default reaction is freeze. I have had years in which I feel the feelings days later and I couldn't cry. I was raised in people pleasing and I have accepted it as part of who I am. The only thing I do not accept is abusive behavior in return to my kindness. People who have done it are genuinely shocked to learn how good I am in stating and keeping airtight boundaries.

Another thing to pay attention when it comes to family and upbringing is - what coping skills were you taught, or learned. Mine was sugar addiction for years and putting up with crap until I get myself sick.

-And finally, tying it all together in the real world with the links exercise from DBT. A manager cut of my salary by a week just because he could do it and then told HR that I should be on probation until "the old me" is back. But the old me was doing the work of 4 full time employees, was working every weekend, every morning lunch and dinner and night, during vacations. And was never paid for all of this. The current me still does a bit of overtime just so I can help the team but since last Friday I understood it loud and clear: to this manager I will never be enough and I'll have to do perfectly the work of 3 full time employees in order to be considered on the same level as the colleagues who work one job 40hrs only. On one side - I have ingrained in me to be a team player and will want to continue to be helpful to the team even if in some weeks I work a bit more. On the other - to have worked triple shifts and be tricked into not being paid, then to work an entire week and your manager to just decide that he's going to cut your salary and to add insult to injury to want to put me on a probation until I go back to working for 3 full time employees "just to keep my job". It's too much.

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particular-one · 1 year

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Hello! This is my first time making a request so I hope I don't ruin it- for an emoji, I will use this✨ (definitely not because I love stars) for fandoms, genshin impact, honkai star rail and Haikyuu! For pronounce, I use she/her. For romantic preference, male characters. I'm an INFG, for my personality, I'm pretty closed off and introverted, my silence and blank expression always gives off the impression that I'm intimidating (that's what people tell me at least) but I'm just shy and silent. I like socializing, but once my social battery runs out, I immediately escape to the nearest quiet place to recharge. I like helping people,as well as being productive to finish my work. I'm good at reading people and observing them, to the point my friend comes to me to ask my opinion about other people. I can't stand being in crowds, you will find me hiding in some corner or an empty room on family gatherings. I'm good at comforting and know many ways of comforting different personalities. I tend to be emotional and sensitive to words from the people I hold dear to my heart, I'm nice and easy going once you get to know me, understanding and considerate. I'm the supportive mother of my friend group. For hobbies...I love reading, listening to music, drawing and sketching and recently writing stories and novels. What I look in a romantic relationship... stability, loyalty and honesty. I tend to overwork myself a lot without realizing so I need someone to tell me to slow down, I also have a tendency to overthink every little detail and situation so I want someone to stabilize me when I'm stuck in a hurricane of thoughts. I don't know how to express my feelings and try to give hints that I'm not feeling well, I want someone who can pick up on these hints and comfort me. I take relationships seriously and want someone to be loyal and not run away. My love language (me giving) is physical touch and acts of service (I was never good with words) as for receiving, probably words of affirmation and physical touch. For date ideas...I'm good with anything as long as it doesn't have a lot of crowds, something that I hate... ignorance and cheating, definitely my turn off.

hello ✨! dw i love galaxy imagery as well so i totally get it, haha. i hope you like your matchups!

GENSHIN IMPACT ---- TIGHNARI

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ tighnari was immediately drawn to your presence. there was something about you that he couldn't quite place, that even if you were in a middle of a room where a lot of things were happening simultaneously, his eyes would be drawn towards you. little did tighnari know that that feeling was called having a crush. you always seemed to disappear so he actually had a hard time trying to find you but you had your first proper meeting during one of his scout missions. it was a nice change of pace with you, as he's not around his usual crowd — don't get him wrong, he likes eating out with kaveh and cyno, but having to sit through stale joke after stale joke was his breaking point. as a partner, tighnari is very caring and protective. he's pretty much accustomed to stability, so he ensures that you're taking care of yourself. though he does give some unsolicited advice on how to better take care of yourself, rest assured it's out of concern for your wellbeing as his partner. for the rare moments that you have long conversations, tighnari loves hearing you talk on and on about what you've read, or the stories you've written. he brings you to the avidya forest sometimes, and the both of you just take in the silence and fresh air together. tighnari is very stern with you if he sees you constantly overworking, chastising you to get a break once in a while. if he sees you passed out doing your work, he usually places a blanket over you so you won't get cold.

HONKAI STAR RAIL ---- GEPARD LANDAU

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ gepard was a gentleman ... or at least, he had to constantly remind himself that. this guy is the classic definition of "he fell first and very, very hard." his sister saw right through him and teases him about it, which he gets really embarrassed about. he's definitely very noble and chivalrous around you. he can come off a little.. amusing considering how he tries very hard to impress you with this. still, gepard always offers a shoulder to you whenever you're feeling down, and he's a really good listener. as a partner, gepard still is the chivalrous type. he's the type of guy to demonstrate a lot of acts of services, but when he finds out that you actually find physical touch comforting, he would most definitely shower you with a lot of hugs. watch as he'd hug you from behind, spin you around in his arms like the sappy romantic that he is. gepard's used to giving a lot of motivating speeches as a silvermane soldier, so he's very good with his words when he's comforting you, though he gets really nervous about saying something wrong. he always tells you how much you mean to him, and definitely is big on pet names — don't be surprised when he ends up referring to you as his whole sky, or his north star, because oh, he definitely would. though gepard usually is busy with his duties, he always sends you a lot of letters to make sure you never feel alone.

HAIKYUU!! ---- AKAASHI KEIJI

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ akaashi found a lot of similarities in you that he also found in himself. people with an analytical mind with the tendency to overthink? if akaashi were being honest, it almost scared him a little to know someone that could have been his carbon copy. still, that emotion slowly turned into intrigue, but akaashi never knew when it blossomed into affection. now, if bokuto found out about his little crush, his friend never lets him live it down. as a partner, akaashi is more private with his affections. he isn't the lovey dovey type in public, but he demonstrates his feelings for you by getting you things that you like. akaashi remembers a lot of your favorite things — pretty sure he made an excel sheet about it, but you didn't hear it from me — so he surprises you with them when you least expect it. that book you've been eyeing from the bookshop a week ago? akaashi has it gift wrapped ready for your viewing pleasure. that really expensive sketchpad that you've wanted to get for the longest time? he saved up his money just so he can get it for you. akaashi also is big on hand holding, but this is more of a gradual thing. he likes interlocking your fingers together and squeezing your hand in reassurance. akaashi always knows how to make time for you despite his hectic practice schedule, may it be going out on a simple dinner date, or planning a whole trip out of town just so the both of you can unwind together.

#genshin impact #genshin matchups #genshin #honkai star rail #honkai star rail matchups #hsr #haikyuu matchups #haikyuu #·˚ * 🔭 carlyle matchups

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labradorite-princess · 5 months

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how did you apply for disability i need tips and do they come over to your house. How is the process

Hey! I hope I can help. I'm in the US. I'm not sure if it's different in other countries.

My biggest tips are:

Be prepared to wait. It took around 10 months for me to hear their descison. I called a few times to see what as going on. That may be a good idea for you to do too. When you call there may be a long wait too. Even when I call about my benefits now I get long waiting times. Last month I waited over an hour and a half. This may depend on what state you live in.

The application is HORRIBLE! They ask the same questions over and over again. At least the online application does. I know there's a way to apply over the phone but I've never done that. I cried while filling it out. It's exhausting. Take lots of breaks. I took like three days to fill out the whole thing with my moms help.

I've heard most ppl get denied the first time. You can appeal tho. Don't get discouraged. Ppl normally get lawyers when this happens. I'm sure they have reviews online for good ones. I believe if you get approved the lawyer will get a portion of the money you get for waiting to be approved. You only get money if you're approved tho. They give you a portion of your monthly income. From what I understand most lawyers will only want money if you win.

They did not come to my house. It may be different depending on what disablity(s) you have. I have mental health disabilities so I'm not exactly sure what they do for physical disablities. My mom's friend is also on disability and she has said nothing about them coming to her house. My mom applied and was denied but they never came to our house. And she applied bc of her back. The only thing I can think of is that for my insurance I can agree to have someone come and check in on my living situation. But that's 100% my choice. They don't force that to happen. And that is the insurance I have currently. Which I got when I was approved.

You may need to see doctors your state has approved. My mom had to do that. We went and they took X-Rays and I'm not sure what else. After they did that she talked to someone about her mental health. I had to come with for this part. They wanted her to bring another person to get their side of what is going on. I went in by myself. They asked about what house work she can/can't do. How often she leaves the house. Does she have specific depression symptoms (ex - staying in bed all day or sleeping all day). Stuff like that. I was REALLY nervous but the man was v nice and welcoming. I did not have to see doctors the state chose. I have over a decade of information recorded about my mental heath. I've been seeing mental health professionals since the age of 14. I also did long term programs right before I applied. I did PHP (Partial Hospitalization Program). That lasted over a month. I went Monday - Friday from 7am to 2pm. They taught skills ppl can use to help when their symptoms get bad and skills to help your mental health stay on track. I saw therapists and a psychiatrist and social workers everyday. We did group therapy everyday. I liked that. It took me a while to open up and start talking more but torwards the end I did. I was almost done with the program when I had my breakdown. I ended up going to a Pysch Ward for a week and then did a month in a Residental program. The Pysch Ward depend on where you go. The ones I've been to have been nice. Residential is v similiar to rehab but without the struggle of addiction. I spent a month there. I saw a regualr therapist and a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist every weekday. I saw a women once a week that specialized in eating disorders. Residential is actually the place I finally admitted I have them. They have specially trained staff who check on you throughout the day. I had Art and Recreational Therapy two to three times a week. I saw a Psychiatrist twice every week. What I'm trying to say is I had a lot documented about my mental health. I applied right after I went home from Residential so all the info was brand new. Sorry I got a little carried away with the info about me. If you or anyone else has any questions about Pysch Wards or Residential Programs please feel free to ask me.

They may need you to send in more or the same info in to them that was on the application. I believe you can pick how they contact you. I think the only options are by mail or email. You can drop the info off to their office, mail it in, some can be done online, or fax it in. I chose to have both options of contact. That way if I missed an email or a letter got lost in the mail then I had a second way of seeing the info they wanted to give me.

If you get approved please look into programs they offer to help. They really do help. My insurance offers a program (UCard) where they give you $189 a month for over the counter medical supplies and healthy food. You can still get Food Stamps/EBT but it won't be much. And if you stay up to date on you health appointments they add (a small) amout of money onto the card for you. I think like $10 if you get a physical exam or a flu shot. That's actually why I have someone coming to look at my living situation. Every little bit helps.

If you have any more questions don't be afraid to ask. I'm sure I missed at least one thing. I hope you have a good day/night.

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john-peter3 · 6 months

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Day of pray

Terrence Baker, hunter, September 28, 2023. - Terry said to his therapist

Sorry if that sounded robotic - he continued - I don't know how to do this very well. I'm not the most social guy you'll find out there. My father taught me to hunt when I was… 15. I started hunting on my own when I turned 18. That's as much as I would like to share.

Don't worry Terrence, - explained Erica, his first-ever therapist - this is a safe space, and for this to work, might I add, you'll need to be open about why you're here.

I know. -affirmed Terry as he stared into the soul of Erica. even if his intention wasn't to intimidate her, she couldn't help but wonder for a bit if this 6'1 man with huge bags under his eyes and a beard he clearly didn't took care of for some time now wasn't dangerous. The fact that all of his credentials checked out and he had no run-ins with cops calmed her down.

So - said Erica, in an effort to continue the conversation as she noticed Terry was spacing out - what happened in this date you've set?

Well, I.. I… - Terry fumbled. She noticed he was showing signs of fear just at the recollection of what happened

How about you start from… well, the start? - Erica suggested with weak laughter whose only purpose was to brighten the mood a bit. it failed its purpose

Terry then explained: I'm a hunter. but that's part-time. I'm also a butcher on the outskirts of Arkham.

Arkham is a beautiful city - Erica spoke - No luck finding help there?

I can't stand being there anymore. if you would let me continue. - Terry asserted himself without necessity.

Well, go on then.

Ricardo and I butcher animals other hunters bring in. We sell meat to some grandmas too. Particularly one called Rachel. I like Rachel. She likes to talk about her family and politics. She always starts the politics talk with the same points. She's at that age where they start to forget things. Voted for Trump, regretted it, voted for Biden, doesn't know if she can trust him but finds him cute. Shes my best friend. my only other friend is Ricardo. We don't talk a lot outside of work stuff and living situation, although sometimes we talk a bit about politics. Not the usual stuff, more immigration stuff.

One day, Tony walks in, asks me to finish up a black bear, and talks a bit too much for my liking. He said it was a shame how things were going with me. You see doc, I haven't been hunting for a while now, about two years. Things were rough with this corona shit. Business almost went down. Don't know what I'd do if it did

"So, no more hunting from you hum?" he said, "it's a shame really" "Your father really knew how to hunt." he said, "waste." The prick said.

Eventually - Terry continued, looking at Erica's eyes as if he had to assert himself in this sentence - I felt like going for a black bear. And I did. it all went normal, except for when I hit this part of the forest… - Terry hesitated - I don't know how to describe it very well, you'll have to forgive me.

No worries - affirmed Erica

So I found tracks. I followed them. Just the usual: broken twigs, stepped-on leaves, trees he had clawed, and things of that nature.

But when I hit the aforementioned part of the forest I… started to hear something stepping just behind me. when I checked, nothing, and this kept repeating itself. sometimes I would see fellow hunters in the distance with odd clothing as far as I could tell. And I couldn't tell very well as they were behind tree lines. But none came close to me. They were mostly just standing there. So I didn't pay attention to them.

Except for when I noticed they weren't tracking anything at all. They were just staring at me.

Now, I don't know much, but I know when I'm not wanted somewhere, so I decided to leave. wasn't having much luck with the bear either. tracks seemed to just go on and on with no signs of me getting any closer.

Doc I started to feel bad, nervous y'know? Like I had to keep my head down just like when we feel like vomiting. Like my blood pressure was off.

Now I couldn't go back, I had to camp. Didn't feel like I was good enough to walk back alone through a forest to civilization. But that feeling that I was not wanted? Turned to a different, more intense feeling: the feeling of being watched.

It took me a while to realize that was what I was feeling but when I did I didn't feel safe anymore. You see Doc. I know how to track, I know how animals behave when they realize they're being followed and for as much as I didn't want to I was acting just like them. I was scared, but it was too much: the sudden unwellness, the feeling something was wrong, and to top it off, this, taste… weird taste hit my mouth. It reminded me of blood. so I just got partially into my sleeping bag and held my rifle up close.

And then it happened: I heard a loud growl, and what seemed like hundreds of footsteps in my direction. I didn't recognize to what creature that growl belonged to. It was a weird one.

I shot at the air above me, maybe the noise would scare them. It didn't. So I ran.

I ran very fast never letting go of my rifle and.. and… and the damned things seemed as if they were one step behind me. I think I heard laughter?

during this monologue, Erica tried to interject many times in order to help him express himself or understand what was happening to him at that time but he would not let her so much as make a sound. He was frantic.

Doc, this is gonna sound like I'm lying, or at least hallucinating, since there aren't many of those in this region but I ran into a cliff. A huge one. I couldn't stop, I wasn't crazy, I wasn't gonna jump off a cliff, but they were right behind me, even though it seemed as if I had gained a bit of space. So I turned around and tried to aim at whatever it was and doc… it was…

Terry then stopped talking suddenly, as if the words didn't want to come out anymore.

Erica tried again to help him by saying: whatever description you can come up with will help a lot, try not to be so exact.

Terry then spoke loudly, as if it was right in front of him:

It was a bunch of shadows…doc. it was like the night had come in an instant and I could barely see all the legs and arms coming at me. they were as if they all shared one massive horizontal body… and the faces… moving back and forth either too happy or too upset.

I don't know what came over me. but I jumped. it was either that or whatever these people were going to do to me.

as I fell, I would close my eyes and wish with all my strength that the laughter stopped and I got back to the cliff.

I lost all my strength as I fell, doc. when I opened my eyes again I would immediately shut them again.

and then I finally hit something. I remember at this one time that I opened my eyes I saw this… structure that seemed to expand from one point down but I didn't see the rest of the shape, it was made out of stone and it was covered in moss and I was falling right in a hole on top of it.

I don't know what I hit, but it didn't break anything, right after that I hit my head.

I don't know for how long I was out but when I woke up I felt like I had just left hell.

I cried and drooled during my unconsciousness.

I felt phantom pains all over my body. just sensations that those body parts had been twisted and tortured and that my blood had been forced out and shot back in with enough strength to pierce bone.

To be honest, doc: I don't know why this description popped into my head. But the more I think of it the more i… recall? it is as if I can smell the memory but not see it.

What helped me slightly to remember was looking up and seeing that the hole I fell into had its interior walls infested with flesh. sometimes I could distinguish a body part going through another but the only thing my damn memory won't let go of was a faceless mouth in that sea of flesh. so twisted from the pain… its muscles seemed to be at their limits but still, just like the rest of it, it was static.

The silence was deafening doc, the whole place was dark and I was completely shocked. I wandered through it but it was almost pitch black. my head hurt so much and I think I saw and felt the very darkness move around me at times, like water on the beach, resisting your movement by going in the opposite direction but this felt more like a cocoon forming around me, trying to make me stay put.

I heard voices but I couldn't understand what they were saying, and I didn't want to, I just wanted to get the fuck out of there.

At this point, Terry didn't realize it, but he was crying.

I was never scared like that, sometimes when I hit a wall I would lean against it, to rest a bit, but I would feel like I was merging with it so I couldn't even rest.

Eventually, I found my way out. but I don't know for how long I was there, but when I descended those huge stairs I didn't even turn back to look at the god-forsaken place, I just ran.

3 days later I was found in a catatonic state at the edge of the forest. The doctors said it looked like I was fighting against a terrible disease but they couldn't detect anything and it went away suddenly and After another week I was let go. I left Arkham and haven't come back since.

Terry then, in tears, asked: what do you make of this doc?

#short story #writers on tumblr #writer #short+story #horror #cosmic horror

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mgsapphire · 3 years

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Ethics and morality... and how they're not the same...

Weird title, and I don't even know if I'll properly approach this one with all the topics I wish to this discuss in today's The Devil Judge essay, because a lot of things peaked my interest, I was debating on doing a separate post for each subject, but I'll do them all in here:

Starting simple

I know we're only 4 episodes in, but I want to break down the things that I often look for in a new show:

Cinematography

Soundtrack

Character building

Plot devices

Social commentary (sometimes)

Of course, these are things most people would consider basics, but I find that a lot of TV shows don't have enough balance in them. Also, cinematography and soundtrack are pretty up there for me because when a plot gets slow, or something like that, I stay for those two (biggest example: King Eternal Monarch).

The soundtrack in The Devil Judge is amazing and the cinematography can be a character of its own. They really get me hooked and are used as tools to properly tell a story. And I'll get into that further down this post.

The onlooker will never understand the actor

Experience is your best friend not only applies to job hunting, but it's true in the real world too. You can't truly weigh in on something unless you've experienced it yourself, you can give it your judgment and everything, but when bad things happen to someone, you'll never truly understand their pain. Am I bringing up because of the difference of mind in Judge Kang and Judge Kim's opinions? On how the public treated the minister's son? No. I'm talking about a very specific scene, where the cinematography told me to think that way and not the dialogue (it's that easy for my mind to be swayed). In episode 3, when the rich are about to dine right after the foundation's commercial for a better future, we see this aerial shot:

What's interesting about this? The seclusion and the enclosed feeling it conveys as a counterpart to the poverty shots we were just shown. Yet, these are the people making ads for a better future, what do they know?

They live comfortably behind concrete walls with no windows to see what goes on apart from the bubble they live in. This idea is further enforced at the party in episode 4, where they're not even a part of the donations, and watch and mock from afar as spectators. Yet, these people call the shots. They even call it commenting, as if they were watching the pain of others on TV.

The intriguing personality and the duality it encites

Now, this was a costume and wardrobe decision, but it was also very well thought of:

Judge Kim wears white and Judge Kang wears black. One is morally perceived by viewers of the show as morally good and the other is perceived as morally dubious at best. However, besides the costume and wardrobe thought put into this, we also have to think about the delivery of this scene and how it may further affect my detailing of this section. Judge Kang brings down the coats, and hangs over the coat to Judge Kim, he's the one who is making that annotation: You're pure, I'm tainted. This can have one of two interpretations:

Either Judge Kang believes Judge Kim to be pure and innocent due to his status as a rookie in the field

Or he believes Judge Kim to be morally white and himself morally black as he's looking at his brother's face and not at Judge Kim's heart.

Because most of the back story we're unveiling is through Judge Kim's perception, there's also an inherit bias we're having as well, because in Judge Kim narrative, he believes he's doing what's right and believes Judge Kang to be evil. In being served information about Judge Kang through Judge Kim's eyes, our bias is inherently skewed.

Another thing is that, when they put on the coat, they're standing in front of the other, as if the producers of this series are telling us they're two sides of the same coin.

The duality is made in more deceitful ways, which include:

A difference of classes that implies one has suffered while the other has not.

A difference of experience that implies one is more tainted while the other is pure.

A difference of age that implies one is a sly fox while the other one is is bunny about to be eaten.

A difference of temper that makes one erratic and the other logical.

Power dynamics

This one, in this one I could make a whole thesis based on just a couple of scenes in the drama. And you know I have to mention it: director Jung being the puppeteer.

It may not be as unexpected at first, nevertheless it brings forward a lot of things I've wished to touch upon for quite some time now. A woman being a puppeteer of an old man in the portrayed dystopia that The Devil Judge is painting makes much more sense than more common demonstrations of these dynamics where it's either a:

A man of power being controlled by a bigger man of power.

A man of power being controlled by a seemingly man of a lower status.

A woman being controlled by a man of power.

Although, there's nothing wrong with those power dynamics, and if they were to be used, a message could also be conveyed, this one in particular works as a megaphone.

A subversion of power in such a way can be interpreted as a true indication of the weak overcoming the powerful. Why? It is not that woman are naturally weaker than men, but that in society, patriarchy has been a big factor in taking voice away from women in order to give it to men.

In order for Director Jung to achieve her purposes, it's smarter for her to do it under the pretense that an old rich man in power is the one calling the shots.

This is better exemplified by her stance when the old man tries to excuse his behavior, and what her moral compass is. I'm not saying I agree with her unethical conduct, but that her morality is directly impacted by the perception of the public of her as a weak woman:

Just because a dog bites a human does the person get dirty?

This is telling on how she perceives the actions of the old man in gropping the waitress. She didn't do anything wrong, even if you touched her, you are the dirty one.

While she's evil, it's a refreshing and deep evil.

The public's opinion and how there's actually logic in the show's portrayal

The public opinion can make or break a person, even if it's not on a public trial like this. While "cancel culture" barely works in today's society, a person's reputation is forever tainted. The show does tell that, but it also exhibits the scary downside of it, by showing how easily it was to make people accept flaggelation as a fitting punishment.

There are many experiments that have tried to test the effect of societal pressure on an individual's decision and the effect of the authority's enforcement of power in the outcome of these decisions. Furthermore, theories based on analysis of human behavior not necessarily relying on experiments can also help break this down. What do I mean? Here's a small attempt at explaining:

Milgram Experiment on Authority: which measured the individual willingness to carry out actions that go against their conscience due to an authority's approval.

Argument from Authority; The idea that people are more likely to use an authority's opinion on something as an argument for their reason. This is often seen in science, where trusted authorities have done the research and offer it to the public. In here, authority bias also plays a role, as we often believe, at first, that an authority must be right.

Moral disengagement: basically speaking, because this is evil or bad, I'm not part of it and I most probably am not actively participating in it. One may disengage by moral justification, which means that before engaging in something that has been previously perceived as immoral, I'm changing my stance on it based on what I tell myself to be logical arguments. This particular form of moral disengagement is very effective in changing the public opinion. I'll be touching on another form further down this post.

Other factors played a part, but these ones in particular came to mind when public flagelation as a form of corporeal punishment was wildly accepted. First, an authority is the one telling them it's correct, to go ahead. Secondly, another authority (the minister) had previously shown approval to such unusual punishment. Thirdly, they are not the ones to be engaging directly in the act, and even if they were, it would be acceptable because an authority has told them so. They may even believe the punishment to be a necessary evil for the greater good.

In fact, the minister's son was actually correct when pleading his case, they were accepting it because it wouldn't affect them directly.

Regarding the cinematographic descent of the public opinion regarding the situation can better be exemplified by the old man we've seen through the episodes.

Does suffering justify misdeeds?

Today I came along the difference between excuse and reason. You may give a reason for your behavior, but it doesn't excuse it.

Not because I've suffered through shit, means I have to make you suffer too.

I may explain myself, but it's on the other side to excuse me.

Why I hate the unreliable narrator and why I love it so much

This story has been told mostly through the eyes of Judge Kim and what he hears and sees regarding Judge Kang, if anything, the narrative is very close to that of the narrative we've seen in The Great Gatsby. An enigmatic man is being narrated to us from the eye of a man who hasn't known him for a long time.

How is that an unreliable narrator? The narrator has their own set of bias and moral standards which function as lenses through which they see the world.

Another way of putting it would be the way teenage romances are often written in a first person narrative where either of the two teenagers is the narrator, so the author can sell to us something as simple as offering a pack of gum as the most romantic act on earth. We're perceiving interactions through rose tainted glasses.

In this case, we're seeing the interactions through Judge Kim's eyes who doesn't trust Judge Kang from the get go due to his own preset bias.

The narrative becomes even more unreliable as we're not exactly sure if what Judge Kang disclosed himself is a fact.

The reason why I love this narrative is because it leaves a lot of space to make simple plot twists to a narrative and make them seem grand, and can elongate a story without making it obvious.

The reason why I hate it is because sometimes, in tv shows mostly, we as viewers can see the other side of the story and grow increasingly frustrated with the main character's prejudice and misunderstandings (I'm looking at you my beloved Beyond Evil).

Also, because I have to wait for a long time before I actually have a clear picture of it.

#kdrama #kdramas #kdrama recommendations #analysis #rant #the devil judge #got7 #park jinyoung #ji sung #kdrama meta #kdrama quotes #kdrama analysis #meta #the great gatsby #kim min jung #please dont let this flop

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maningrey0204 · 2 years

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hiatus.

hey, PurpleProse/Grey (on Discord) here. if you're reading this, it's because I've linked this post and you're wondering what's going on, along with why I'd suddenly go and cut off access to my own social media. well, I'm more than happy to explain. I'm going to be giving a lengthy explanation + vent the cut. if you just want the summary, it'll be before that. TL;DR: I have Issues, and was spending too much time on social media to procrastinate + cope with said issues. this has led me to fail a lot in Important Life Things, making my family members stressed out over me. it has culminated-yesterday-in me putting off completing something important. my mom found out about the procrastination and got very mad at me over it, along with my usage of social media in general. she now wants to kick me out of the house in a month. my dad's more lenient, but wants me to cut off all my social media in general, which is what I want too. partly in the hopes that I'm not kicked out but also because I know that it would be beneficial for me to get my Internet usage under control. idk when I'll be back. I'll still be posting fanfiction over on AO3 (my username there's the same as my Tumblr and Twitter), and if we're close mutuals, you can always PM me to hash out an alternative means of communication that isn't social media. in the meantime, I hope you all have a happy & fulfilling 2022. I don't think it'll be too different from 2021, but the world needs more kindness & more people who are willing to fight for that-in terms of their own wellbeing and others'. so if you can, please be more kind. also CW/TW for discussion of mental health issues in general, yelling and emotional distress. this is going to be heavy.

I've had mental health issues ever since I was a kid. I'd much rather not go into a diatribe about them, so I'll just list off some (key word being some-I'm not comfortable talking about all of them) symptoms that I know are affecting me now: lack of focus + motivation, memory recall problems, and excessive anxiety/worrying (especially in particularly stressful situations). haven't gotten professional treatment, but I'll look into that when I know I can afford it. for a long time, I've been using social media & the Internet in general to cope with said problems, especially through procrastinating. this in turn has made me avoid tackling things like driving on my own and being studious in university classes. my grades were terrible before the pandemic and continued to stay that way when it started. that's why I'm taking a hiatus until Fall 2022, actually-my GPA wasn't enough for me to stay in enrollment, and I can't go back to classes until then. my parents are Not Happy about this. especially my mom. they both mean well and have given a lot to help my sibling and I. her way of conveying that isn't great, though? sometimes I'll hear about how keeping us both adds to the finances, for instance, and...there's no doubt that it's true, but it also makes me feel weird. I'm not sure if I'm being overly sensitive when it comes to that. and ofc there's the yelling she did that I'll get to. anyways, yesterday (the 29th) I joined a livestreamer's PowerPoint night (think your usual presentations but of a topic of your choice, so they're infinitely more fun), and I believe it was after my presentation that I had to do Something Important that was basically an obligation for irl-related stuff. to be clear: I don't blame the livestreamer at all for what happened. it was my choice to make slides & present them. the only regrets I have are a) I didn't do the bulk of my work until the last minute, thus spending too many hours yesterday on it, b) my presentation was too long and had to be sped up for time, c) I stuck around for the rest of the stream afterwards, not touching that important task at all... ...and d) that I ended up feeling tired afterwards because of a) and c). my Something Important task had something I figured I'd ask my mom about, despite it by then being late in the evening, she offered to help me on it, even eating some food (to help keep her awake while helping me, I think). I asked if that could be postponed to tomorrow because I was so tired. she ended up getting mad because I'd dedicated too much time on that extraneous activity instead of tackling that Something Important task. completely understandable, especially given my past experience with not doing things. but then at some point she started raising her voice and yelling at me. I think this was when I was struggling to respond to one of her questions, but I'm not sure. whenever I'm put in a situation like that, I tend to block out the semantics of her...rambling? angry tirade? it went on for some time, too, late into the night. granted, I did stay up afterwards anyway, partly because I was trying to process what she'd did, but still. she also told me to come up with a plan before today, but I don't remember what it was for, and it didn't matter, because then she called my dad. they both mainly hashed out what had already been said by my mom last night, but more calmly this time. my mom had told me last night that she wanted me to get out of the house in a month. today, I found out that my dad either wanted me to stop using social media or go along with my mom's plan. idk what's going to happen-it'll be hashed out tomorrow, hence why I'm typing this. I figured there's a bit of leeway for me to explain things and make a goodbye message, so I might as well take this chance. I'm hoping I won't be kicked out of the house in a month, because I don't have a lot of income. things would be tougher for my physical and mental well-being if that happened, even with a month to prepare. my mom thinks that it'll help me see the real world but ik all it'll make me to

is have me more susceptible to less than ideal situations. I don't want to fall into poverty and/or be inclined to be more self-destructive. still, in the event that it happens I have to leave the house, I'll still keep fighting to maintain a sense of well being, even if it's hard to come by. I've been struggling a lot for a while, at times even giving up on myself, but I'm still here anyway. and I think that counts for a lot. and regardless, I need to atone for what I've done, at least. my mom's reactions don't wholly feel acceptable to me, but that's no excuse for me to put off my responsibilities-to not give myself the life I need. I've messed up a lot during my struggles, which has to stop-and that can only be done by me taking accountability. my family & myself deserve that peace of mind, at least. plus, it'll be nice to figure out more about myself, work on writing fics & my other hobbies, that sort of thing. if you have read through this, thank you. again, I don't know when I'll be back, but I'll be posting on AO3 for as much as I can with fresh fic content. I'd also like to thank the friends I've met over the past few years on the Internet, specifically on Twitter, Tumblr & Discord. I've always loved talking with you all, sharing my interests with you + vice versa, and overall being able to be myself in a safe space. it means a lot more than you know.

#prose's ponderings #yelling tw #emotional distress tw #vent #long post

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primergon · 3 years

Note

I'm not sure if you're still doing these and it's fine if you don't since you have your own life and can be busy but if it's alright, may I request a tfp match up?

I'm 5'3, asexual and chubby and go by she/her.

I'm calm and withdrawn at first, I'm usually very silent when I'm surrounded by people I am not comfortable with. I have suspicions that my selective mutism that I had when I was younger may still be around because there are some situations that require to speak, I get uncomfortable and find it hard to say anything. I don't know, it's just a thought, not sure if I still kind of have it. I just kinda hate being forced to talk when I don't want to. I don't go out much, I prefer indoors, I only go out if I have to.

But yeah, when I'm surrounded by people I'm comfortable with, I'm more talkative and more expressive of my emotions. I don't have many friends in real life but I do have a few online ones.

I usually prefer texting than verbally talking to be honest. Its just easier for me to express. Not like I could physically see my two best friends since I had to move last year but luckily we have discord 💀🤚 otherwise my dumbass can't even go out to try and make friends nor even want to.

I like games, though, I'm also a procrastinator and a lazy person. I tend to procrastinate on my school work and other things like watching a certain anime, tv show, movie and even with playing games. I have a game block 😔👊.

I don't know, but I can be insecure about myself but I try to be positive about some qualities I have. Anyone could compliment me, I mean, there's nothing to compliment anyways, I would just say that they blind or something or wrong. I get insecure when I show people my music taste only because they just seem uninterested when I play it 😔👊. My friends reckon I'm smart but I just don't apply myself to my assignments... Idk, I believe I'm just stupid. Somehow, I don't get stressed out easily, even when a due date is coming up and I haven't done much in my assignment. But that probably depends on the subject and how important it is for it to be done, otherwise I will start getting a little stressed. I don't believe that my problems should matter ever, because I've had a good childhood, a loving family, though occasionally, I have some problems with my dad otherwise we're usually fine. I mean, my friends and many other people have it worse than me so that's why I don't think my problems are relevant.

I can get childish and get distracted easily. Like, I could be doing an assignment or homework and after 30 seconds, I'm on my phone or doing something else 💀. Sometimes, I need things dumbed down for me because I'm just like, "what??"

I love comedy and laughing, it's just fun. I like memes and sending cursed memes to my friends or anyone else that happens to be on the same server I am. To be honest, I'm active 24/7 on discord and mostly active on one server because I socially suck to talk on any other. I'm not a fan of horror because obviously it's scary yet I like watching people play horror games 🤔.

I'm not a fan of physical affection, but it depends on who the person is and how comfortable I get with them like my family for example. My love language would be quality time I think but only a bit of physical affection if I'm comfortable enough ig 😕.

I've never been in a relationship before because I fear cheating, arguments, having a significant other bored of me and all the other problems. And because I'm not that interest in romance that much at the moment in my life

In regards to people having problems in their life and they vent to me, I find it hard to comfort them. I try to do my best but I suck at it. I usually don't know what to say and I wish I knew. It's not that I don't care, I do, I'm just more of a listener than a talker but I try to find some words to say in attempt to help. It's a little easier for me to comfort someone online than in person, I'd probably be silent.

I'm good at keeping secrets, I would take them to the grave, though sometimes I can forget depending on the secret. I can be a forgetful person, not only with some secrets but other stuff I'm suppose to remember 😭.

I love music, I can't tell what genre I like, I like many songs. I'm also an animal lover and currently doing animal studies, which mostly revolves around dogs at the moment but I'm looking forward for the cat part, I love cats, I have two of them.

I'm sorry for all this information, now that I look at it, that's alot. I'm sorry 😭🤚

A/N : Hi Anon! Thanks for sending this ask, I hope you're doing well (｡𓎆 𓎺 𓎆) Don't worry about the long descriptions, I don't mind! I think I'll pair you up with tfp Smokescreen !

TFP SMOKESCREEN

01 | Smokescreen has a way of making you feel at home. In the beginning, you were reluctant to open up, yet once you've gotten to know the playful mech, you find it easy to talk to Smokescreen. You enjoy listening to him ramble on and on and on and find no trouble comforting him when he needs to hear it. In return, Smokescreen is more than happy to speak on your behalf whenever you don't feel like talking. He may be enthusiastic by nature but he isn't pushy. He never forces you to do something you're not okay with and makes you feel safe. This is why eventually you opened up to him and both of you became fast friends.

02 | Texting with Smokescreen is never boring. He's always ready with a handful of reaction pictures and a dozen of emojis when chatting with you. The young mech is naturally expressive and curious, which is why he's always up to date with the latest memes and trends. ( The way Smokescreen text may frustrate Ultra Magnus at times but it never fails to make you laugh.)

03 | Two of you share a lot of common interests which is why you get along so well. Ever since Jack taught him how to play video games, he's been asking you to indulge him. Smokescreen can also sometimes feel worn out and choose to watch movies with you indoors instead, following the plot of your favorite anime and always quoting them on the battlefield. He's not picky and is almost up for anything as long as you get to spend some quality time.

04 | With his positive, upbeat attitude, Smokescreen rarely seems upset or dissatisfied on the outside. But his inner idealism can leave the mech with a nagging feeling that some major areas of their life just aren’t good enough – which would sometimes make him feel insecure. The two of you seem to understand and relate to each other's experiences, making you comfort buddies that lift each other's spirits whenever you both feel down. He reminds you constantly that your problems matter and he's more than happy to listen to you vent, while you assure him that he is good enough because he's trying his best.

05 | He knows you're afraid of starting a relationship, and while he can be a bit impatient and bold, Smokescreen is more than happy to take it slow with you. While he himself is disorganized, Smokescreen tries his best to remind you to catch up on schoolwork. ( Smokescreen tells himself he's turning into Ultra Magnus whenever he finds himself nagging you.) He doesn't take it against you when you don't get what others are saying and is more than willing to rephrase it for better understanding.

06 | Smokescreen thinks you're special. He loves how you're so good with animals and how you seem to have all the right songs to show him. Smokescreen can watch you play with your cats for hours and has a copy of your playlist for him to listen to whenever he feels down. He finds it adorable how you can be forgetful at times and admires how loyal you are in keeping secrets. ( Like that one time you covered for him and saved him from being yelled at by Ratchet.) He doesn't see any flaw in you and even if he does, he accepts that as a part of you : his favorite human.

I hope you enjoy this Anon ! xx

#smokescreen #tfp smokescreen #smokescreen tfp #matchups #transformers matchup #transformers matchups #reader inserts #reader insert #transformers reader insert #tfp reader inserts #tfp reader insert #tfp #transformers prime #maccadam #maccadams

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atsunflower · 4 years

Text

Rated: SFW

Author notes: *sigh* for the third time the damned app ate up the tags. This one took me too long and I'm excited for write about my man suna again. This is also pretty different from what I'm used to write, but why not? Please enjoy your reading.

Warnings: cursing, substance usage/mentions, break-ups and me trynna be funny.

I – Cancel me.

Previous || Next

He looked at them with expectation as the beats smoothly faded, indicating the song's ending.

If he were to be honest, the pair before him was a pain in the ass, but their opinion was that important because, when it came to music, they were the best at it. He felt no shame nor jealousy in admitting it.

"Dunno, the hook sounds like a Vice headline ta me." The bleach-haired male said, hearring the song's outro blaring through the studio speakers.

"Isn't it a Kid Milli reference, tho?" The other asked while munching a chip. He frowned at them, not understanding their point.

"Whatever. You two are no help anyways." Hearring their bullshit, the brunette already regretted this collab. He paused the queued song, turning to the other two with a blank stare.

The twins before him snickered, knowing they successfully hit a nerve. They couldn't help it, provoking Suna was one of their favorite hobbies.

"The song is good, but I gotta tell ya this butt hurt phase of yers is pretty lame." The faux-blond opened his mouth again, spinning around the studio with the desk chair.

"Fuck you, Atsumu" He snapped, almost giving in to the desire of decking them both on the face.

"Tsumu's right, ya Lil Peep wannabe. Can't believe this break up ended up that bad." Osamu said in mockery, throwing the empty Lay's wrapper at him. He scoffed, disposing the wrapper on the bin before getting back at the screen to look at the FL studio interface.

"It's not that I have a broken heart. I just wanna know what's wrong with my life" He shrugged, blindly tacting over the desk in search of his Juul.

"Yeah Samu, he's just grieving over those fancy ass Dior Jordans. Sunarin is incapable of mundane things like a broken heart." His blond friend was partially right.

Suna Rintaro was many things: alt model, music producer, cloud artist and a decent volleyball player that almost went pro. But if there was something he could never be, it was a lucky man on love matters.

With his fair share of failed relationships, the artist could never pinpoint when things went wrong. It would always be the same: he would meet a girl, they would have a good time and then, the chick would turn out demanding as fuck.

In the end, every single one of them would slap him across the face and leave his life banging the front door shut like crazy — last week, it was Mika who broke things off, but not before setting his limited edition pair of jordans on fire. He would never get over those sneakers.

"Good for him, those kicks were kinda ugly." Osamu said in a bored manner. Suna felt his soul leaving his body.

"The hell, Osamu?" He was ready to fight, deeply offended by the attack at his taste in fashion.

"Yo, you two." Atsumu butted in, checking something on his phone "Y'all are drifting away from our problem."

"That is?" The other brother asked.

"Cheer up Sunarin before he fucks up with the Album." If Suna had the energy, he would kick both Miyas out of his studio "And I gotta the perfect thing. Let's hang out at Akagi's tonight, he just invited us." The already distressed musician felt the soul leaving his body for the second time that afternoon. He was sure both twins wished his death.

"Not a fucking chance. Last time I went there I almost died because of that weird stuff we smoked."

"Aw, Sunarin, Kita'll be there too." The faux-blonde tried to persuade. The mention of their older, responsible and straight edge friend made Suna look at them with interest. But he needed more, though. Based on the last experience, he didn't have the will to risk his life going to Akagi's house once again. A shiver descended his spine as the male recalled how much he threw up that night.

"Suna, man, I gotta agree with Tsumu. Yer feelings are showing in your music." Osamu said as if he was some kind of genius.

"Isn't art about it, tho?" He deadpanned "Expressing feelings and shit?" He asked, staring them dead in the eye. The males before him shivered because of its intensity. Suna snickered.

"Man says art, but most of his songs are about the Nikes on his feet and the Tesla in his garage." Atsumu mocked "What the fuck?" The blonde barely dodged the moleskine thrown at him.

"Don't chew on me when you do the same, asshat. This is called character development." As unnerving the twins were, he felt a whole lot better in their company "Just lemme produce my sad stuff in peace."

"Cut us some slack, ya dumbfuck. We're just worried about ya." Osamu protested " 'Sides, no wonder no girl sticks by yer side. You know what the chicks find sexy? Seizing the means of production, not yer dumb car."

"You two are so la—" The musician was interrupted mid sentence, startled by the blond figure clutching his phone with enthusiasm.

"Oi Samu," Atsumu's loud voice startled the other two, as he excitedly fisted the air.

"What the fuck?" Suna asked, dropping the Juul on the floor.

"She'll be there tonight." The blond said, looking at his brother with a new wave of joy.

"The fuck? She who?" The brunette frowned.

"Ya gotta go and find out, man." The gray haired twin said with a knowing smile, matching his brother's excitement.

The night out felt somewhat draining. The booze, the music and the company were great, but his lack of energy was a mood killer.

Cheer me up my ass, Suna cursed internally as he observed everyone getting wasted all over the place. He grimaced at the sight, realizing the meeting with the twins was enough social interaction for the day.

He didn't know what's gotten into him. The male knew it wasn't necessarily caused by the break up, but he couldn't help the feeling down.

Right now, life just felt lowkey suffocating.

Being a public figure meant being under the spotlights the most of time.

People talked.

People assumed.

Media was all over him, ready to catch a scandall.

And of fucking course his name was on gossip headlines. It even occupied a spot on twitter trending topics for a day or so.

"Fuck me." He said before the lukewarm beer went down his throat.

"Sunarin!" He heard Atsumu shouting from his right "I want you to meet someone!" And only now he noticed the blond had his left arm over a girl's shoulders.

Oh, that's the one they were talking about, maybe? the brunette realized. What's the hype, tho? He asked himself, eyeing your figure.

"[Name], this is Suna. Sunarin, this is [Name], best girl ever and the mastermind behind the visuals of mine and Samu's last album" The bleach-haired male said with a proud smirk, ruffling your hair. You were obviously shy.

How cute, the brunette thought.

"Dumbass, don't embarrass me in front of others!" You nudged the Miya with your elbow "Nice to meet you, I saw your name on TMZ last week—" You said beaming and he grunted.

I take it back. Not cute at all, the man internally screamed, not ready to talk about the recent events. He didn't even want to listen to the rest of your speech, your cheery voice went through his ears in a white noise.

"And this makes me really excited for your album. The interview about the collab with dumb and dumber was lit." You continued, the words were genuine and you seemed really interested "And I also relate on a spiritual level because I know working with them is hell."

Oh, she's talking about the album. He realized in relief.

"Yo, I heard good things about you too. The design of their album was hella sick, even though they two suck ass." Suna snickered when he heard Atsumu protesting. You only left out a giggle, joining him on the teasing.

The blond kept ranting about how bad of friends the two of you were.

"I didn't introduce y'all ta gang up on me. Bye, I'm finding another company. Ya two suck." The blonde Miya said, leaving only you and Suna in the sofa area.

"Uh, so…" He drifted off, trying to start some small talk

"Yeah..." You both giggled at the awkwardness "Not enjoying the night?"

"Too much happening right now. Lots of people talking shit 'bout me." He sipped the beer, grimacing at the stale taste of the drink "Hope they cancel me already. So all this shit dies down." Suna looked away, suddenly shy for opening up to a stranger.

"You're a famous guy and the break-up wasn't that scandalous. It'll be over eventually, just beware the sneaker cult." Your amusement was comfort enough. You didn't make intrusive questions about the events and merely joked it off. He felt so worn out by the situation but, at least, your presence wasn't overbearring.

"How is it everyone knows about the jordans?" You shrugged it off, laughing at the distressed face he mocked. Sighing in relief, Suna couldn't deny how refreshing your presence was. Not to be a jerk, but usually, the girls either were all over him or judged every single move he made. You were just that easygoing.

"Well, I don't think you came here to sulk on the sofa all night long. Why don't we join them by the pool and down some shots?" You hopped off of your seat, pointing to the glass doors. All the boys were waving at you two and suddenly, Suna felt a wave of joy run down his body.

Atsumu was right. Best girl ever.

At some point of the night, everything became about you.

All he could hear was the sound of your voice and all the time, his eyes were drawn to your figure. He couldn't figure out a reason for it, but the rapper wasn't complaining either.

A sharp pang at the side of Suna's head broke the trance he was in. Osamu had a shit eating grin on his face, eyeing the ravenette with amusement.

"We told ya so." The younger twin mused whilst he handed a long neck of vodka to the other.

"Stop. This is dumb."

"Yer dumb. But you ain't that dumb ta dare ta mess with her." The gray-haired Miya squinted at him, menacingly pointing the bottle in his hand at the brunette. The latter shrugged it off, opening his drink.

"Nah, I'm good." And he meant it.

But how could he explain the situation he was in?

Lips and hands wandered over the expanse of his skin. Everything was too hot and too good at the same time. Overwhelming, even.

He wanted more, more and more. There wasn't enough of you.

And if it wasn't unfair enough, his body felt lethargic. He was desperate, but couldn't keep up with the rhythm you imposed. Be it the alcohol or the stress, his body gave up and blacked out, even before you could undress each other.

In the morning after, a pounding headache woke him up. Suna didn't dare to open his eyes, but the morning breath fanning over his face was unbearable.

"I can't believe a cutie like you have a stinky breath like this." The complaint came out in a raspy voice, accompanied by an annoyed grunt.

Someone snickered on the other side of the room.

"Man, I didn't know you had the hots fer Samu." Atsumu was somewhere across the room, laughing at him.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Hearing the other, Suna's body jolted, dizziness made his head spin in the process. He felt sick in the stomach and the morning light made his eyes sting. "When did I get back here?" The male looked around, realizing he was sprawled over Akagi's floor, right beside Osamu, who didn't even squirm at the loud voices in the room.

"What do ya mean? We never left" Atsumu frowned, uncaping a water bottle he was holding "Ya puked on Kita and passed out. The boys were too wasted ta drag yer sorry ass back home so we all crashed here." The blonde was dumbfounded, trying to figure out how wasted Suna got last night.

Suna wanted to know too. After all, there was no way the events envolving you were a product of his drunk mind.

facts:

• Suna's artist name is yosemite.

• He has a Tesla Model S because of Frank Ocean.

• He takes his Nikes very seriously.

• No, not all of his songs are about the car and the kicks.

• He and the Miya twins got a sports scholarship because of volleyball, but they dropped out of school to make music.

• The three of them created Inarizaki, the label they're making music under. Kita and Aran manage it.

• Both Miya twins are beatmakers and music producers. They recently debuted as artists and now are making a collab EP with Suna, thus Atsumu's concern about the album.

#suna x reader #suna rintaro x reader #suna scenarios #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines

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sor-vette · 3 years

Text

two, down!! (index/description)

☜ one, strike!!

☞ three, an all-out fight club!!

It was the middle of February. The month of perpetual grey and rain. It tapped against the small cubic window of your bedroom as you laid in bed reading the text.

Erik: "Meeting, you and me. Main building. Now! Wear something without any blood on it. 😘"

The phone falls out of your hands and smacks you in the middle of the nose.

"Ow."

***

You already see Erik in the distance. A bright red shirt flowing around him like a drape in the frequent bursts of wind. Across the river, he looks like a will-o'-the-wisp and you can't help but be increasingly apprehensive about what has he planned.

You get off the bus in the middle of the bridge, stop and glare at the circular high rise. Legally known as Bighit - an independent advisory firm for various claims, to the large variety of your clientele it was BH - vigilante made business. Briefly put a vast clockface with thousands of cogs spinning both on the own and tandem with others. It looked and sounded and you knew it to be an imposing organization. Nevertheless, you entertained the idea of how would this company would fall and could it be possible to burn down all the spider webs it has formed in the now 22 years of its existence.

"Good morning!" Erik beams widely, trembling in the wind. His pirate shirt not doing anything to help the situation. In his hands, there is a thick brown folder. The sight of it begins a gnawing motion in the stomach.

"What are you doing?" you ask suspiciously, studying his face for any giveaway. Which of course there were a lot. He was still young both in the field and age. The little runt was mostly brazen, often impolite and careless. But now, now, he was nervous. Maybe it wasn't even the weather that had him shaking like a leaf.

"Oh, I'm taking my enrollment review today. In 20 minutes to be precise."

What was gnawing had turned into a stone that travelled up, ignoring the gravity, and settled deep in your chest pressing down and creating a hole. A horrible numb feeling that you'd hoped you wouldn't feel again. And again. And again. And now once more.

"Oh."

You take a moment to force your voice to remain unfazed but even to your own ears, it sounds too hoarse and slow.

"Don't you need my referral?"

"I asked Olga." Yes. Olga. That's why you didn't know.

"So let's go up?" if Erik had a tail it would wag at lighting speed. He is not just nervous but positively jittery. You had seen him this happy...never. Yeah, this was the first time. When he would officially enrol in another department, at best giving you a clap on the back for all the trouble caused and moved on. In a week he would give you a distant wave, in a month maybe a nod if you passed by in a hallway, in half a year it'll be like you never even existed.

You nod quietly entering the glass doors. BH was a massive, subtly hidden maze, much like the overall organization. By the schematics and the layout, no one would give a second thought that it would be more than just an ordinary office firm. But of course, what they didn't know and what was a closely guarded secret were the literal hundreds of small alcoves and passes hidden within the walls. Meant for in case of a sudden police raid. Not to mention the literal escape tunnel that stretched underneath the river you just passed. No one knew exactly how it looked like or how it was even built. Some said it was an abandoned underground transit system from WW2, others said that it was built in the early years of the BH establishment having cost literal billions. But no one knew the truth. Even Namjoon had shrugged when you asked him, long ago already.

In silence, you both take the escalator upwards. To the 25th floor, a.k.a. the 7th department - the literal heads of the system. The building usually had hundreds of people running from one place to another but even so, this was a large commotion for an event this small.

In the doorways there stands a tall woman and you nearly bite your tongue off at the sight of her ramrod back.

"Petsch." You growl and Erik beside you throws a surprised glance.

She turns around almost immediately. As if hearing you or just sensing your presence like the ill-bred Cerberus that she was.

"Hello, .̴̭͙̪̻̈́.̸̮̟̳̐͆͘͠.̶͚̉͛.̸̺̞̉͐̈́̐͋.̶̟̻̺̽͛̒̚.̷̗̱̃.̶̮͚̼̾͜͜.̷͉̋̈́̐̔͝.̵͖͛̓͆.̷̼̲̥̙͆̊̊͝͝.̸̢͕̔.̸̜̜̲͈̅͜͠.̵̱̤̆̑͘.̸͖̰̣͈̾̊̈́́́ " Her glee is almost maniacal as she power walks towards your little group.

"Deputy Petsch. How wonderful to grace our Earthly realm with your presence. I did wonder why it looked like the skies were weeping."

"It's Chief of Staff now," she corrects getting even closer, "to no one's surprise I've been promoted while you've been demoted."

"Yes, I can see the stress of the new position. Or is that just your face?"

In the corner of your eye, you can see Erik standing completely still, his head darting from one speaker to another bemused.

"As the Chief of Staff, I'm here to evaluate your...pet." Erik gives a silent wave and Rosaline narrows her eyes, most likely not knowing what to make of him.

"What happened to Michael?" Petsch scoffs at your question.

"He retired to live with his family so much so for living a dignified life." You straighten stubbornly at the newly given information. Erik's hands are still lightly trembling, along with the file in his hand.

"Interesting. I will attempt corporation." You push out through gritted teeth but immediately get one of Rosaline's bony vulture fingers thrust in your face.

"Don't even try to sweet talk me!"

In return, you snap your fingers near her outstretched hand. A gesture you would normally never do but it was Rosaline. Anything but an abnormal reaction could ward off this lietonis off your neck. (a/n)

"I tried to be peaceful. Well then. Let's. Begin." She huffs and puffs and then stalks over to the lecture hall, her tight blonde ponytail swinging like the world's most obnoxious metronome.

Erik stands silently for a few short moments before -

"The fuck was that about?" You hide your face in the palm of your hand. If Rosaline was here for the panel review then this little fucker had no idea what was coming.

"Rosaline and I have what you would call an uncivil work relationship."

"A rivalry?"

"No, a rivalry with another woman would be inherently attractive. Rosaline just...sucks the lifeforce out of me like a goddamn Dementor." Erik chuckles at the sight of your displeasure but a quiet bell coming from within the lecture hall stills him again.

"Please all attendees take your seat! We're about to start soon!" A faceless voice calls over the crowd and the unpleasant feeling that Petsch managed to eradicate away for a moment returns worse than ever. Your own hands begin to mutely tremble. Erik looks close to passing out.

"You're going to be fine." You say gently bumping into him, "you're my trainee after all."

***

Oh, he's going to be not fine at all.

For some reason, the hall is literally stuffed with attendees.

The enrollment panel reviews despite the name, yes, was actually an open doors event. Much like an undergrad presenting a thesis it had a panel of judges and a crowd of listeners. Usually, it was limited to other potential interviewees who wanted to get a sneak peek in the twisted action to come but the number of people was 5 if not 10 times more audience than what you've ever been in.

Truth be told you never knew how friendly Erik was with other departments but even if he was a magnet surely this crowd was too massive.

With a rapidly rising anxiety, you start to pick out familiar faces. Some of them your trainees and previous teammates, some who gave you a stink eye, and then some with whom you didn't want to interact.

On the third row there sits Jungkook and sweet Jesus what were they feeding him in the footsoldier department. He was now almost twice as large as he had been when you last saw him. One tap of those arms and you'd be in an automatic knockout. Behind him sits Jimin, also looking confused as to why he's here. Which is somehow even more offputting considering he's the one who decided to be here. In the back rows, there is Jin, face hidden in his hands, large sunglasses pushed atop of his head. The only reason why you recognize him at all is that those very sunglasses had "JIN" in large letters above the rim. Naturally.

At this point, your insides are just a gaping screaming void of pure social terror as you start to suspect they were all here. While scanning the crowd you notice an orange fleck that is surrounded by a gaggle of students who eagerly listen to every falling word. That would be Hope. And far closer to the seat that you wanted to take sits V. For reasons unknown he was perched in the first row, fiddling with the strap of the camera. The last thing you want is to meet that vitriolic, judgmental stare of his but it would be unfair to Eric to sit anywhere else. The supervisor, even the one who had no idea that the review was taking place and did not actually write the referral, always sat in the front. The little scamp should have at least that.

You sit down stiffly with your hands bunched up in fists and shoulders tightened to the point where it was almost painful. V pretends he doesn't recognize you. You turn around once again to look over the crowd, almost meeting Jungkook's gaze but he suddenly finds his shoes to be the most captivating image in the world. Jin nearly takes off his jaw while ducking below the chair line and Hope is still surrounded by his devoted students. Jimin is persistent in looking disoriented.

In the faraway upper back, behind the fifteen rows of cascading seats, there is a second door. Slightly ajar and leading to complete darkness but you can swear there is a hand holding the doors open. For a moment you wonder who would hide away in a dark side room only to silently observe everyone but then you know exactly who. Yoongi. You whip around so fast the chair makes a loud squeak. In the peripheral vision, you make out a movement from V but he turns back to the camera without a second thought.

No, Erik was in deep trouble. The panel of judges or should you say evaluators was much too high standing for the first time enrolment. Rosaline Petsch's choice of coming here could be attributed to her being a harpy. Sure. Namjoon, although a CEO was known to just arrive at small scale events, to fully support his staff and also fully give them untreatable heart conditions. But the following had no place being here: Rhys Bethany, the key speaker of yesterday's anniversary and the head of Internal Affairs. Rahul Singh, chief of Communications. Tamira Johnson, head of International Affairs. Shen Qiongzi, head of Large Operations management. And two others whom you didn't even recognize. These were some of the biggest names of the entire organization and also the most bewildering. Strictly speaking, none of them had any input on the hiring or the enrolment process. The matters far, far below their usual duties.

Why were they here? Had Namjoon invited them? Why would he? Because he was still angry at you and was punishing Erik for it? He wouldn't do that but would he? Were you being narcissistic for thinking it had anything to do with you??

Whatever the answer was, hearing the last bell ring and seeing Erik, suddenly look very small and scared climbing up on the stage without even the protection of his notes folder... You felt a lot like seeing a crowd of shrikes encircle one mouse. You squeeze the handles of your chair, rocking back and forth with anxiety.

"As part of your legal right, what would be Your prefered choice of name for the course of this review?" You hear Ms Johnson speak. Erik picks up the microphone to speak...

....not a sound comes out of his mouth. You cringe.

"My real one, ma'am," he finally manages to croak after a moment of silence that was perhaps too long to be unnoticeable.

"Thank you. We will begin the first part of the enrolment request review for Erik Genyer."

You blanch at her words. The first part... meaning that what is about to happen was an actual full, point by point review and not the shortened version that came into popularity in recent years. The review would last three hours and it was three hours of ruthless questioning.

You grip the handles even tighter.

***

Erik fares surprisingly well. After the initial shock, he starts to melt into well-rounded answers. After the five minute pause in between the two parts, he even starts to subtly lean into humouring the panel, offering sarcastic, unhelpful comments. Truly one you could call your own.

Your heart is in continuing thunder as it beats harder with each given situation and particularly hard question. At this point, you have tossed and turned and quietly whined at every to the degree that it is noticeable to everyone in the room. And that in itself pushes to a worrying realization that Erik had somehow managed to slither his unholy way into your heart and become not just a trainee under your care but a friend. Like a proper friend. A friend that would leave you in literally the span of 10 minutes.

Namjoon who was eerily silent for most of the hearing, providing only two softball questions, had noticed your flighty twitching and leaned back to glance at you. You look at the ground knowing that you were perhaps not in the right mindset to put on a facade of your somewhat trademarked blasé attitude.

For God's sakes, you were not even this nervous in your own review but then again you had resigned yourself to the bottom of the barrel. Erik was not.

Finally, he passes the third part of the review. He had taken a few hits, all of which delivered by Petsch, but overall came out with impressive results. Two things were left to unfold. The panel would ask him what was his preferred choice of the department and then either allow it or politely indicate his skills would be more useful in another department and refer him there.

"Mr Genyer do you have a specific department choice?" Mr Singh asks politely. He'd been a tough but fair reviewer nevertheless it was always Namjoon who asked this question. Why was he so quiet? What was the point of showing up if he was going to be silent?

"I have." Erik answers and you see a smile form in his mouth. It was his bastard smile. Eerily similar to the picture of the cat surrounded by knives. You've seen that expression many times, mostly when he was breaths away from pissing off a lot of people.

"And what would that be, sir?"

"The cleaner department."

....

Not a single person breathes. Not a sound is made. The panel has gone speechless. You think your heart has stopped entirely.

"I'm sorry, do you mind repeating that?"

Erik couldn't look smugger as everyone stared at him.

"I'd like to work in the cleaner department."

The second time he says it causes an uproar. People actually stand up in the back. You hear a crunch to your side. Tae dropped his camera on the ground. There's so much noise you can't even decipher what is being said. Vaguely you maybe hear Jin's loud ass "what?" but that also could be literally anyone else.

The panel has to turn around and repeatedly shush the crowd. It is not an easy task. You just stare at Erik, mouth dropped open, eyes bugging out and he gives a self-satisfied smirk.

"I promise tomorrow you’ll have reparations."

These were the reparations. As the crowd finally eases back you let out a breath, lungs screaming for oxygen. Hadn't even noticed the lack of breathing process.

"Why would you choose a cleaner department?" It is finally Namjoon's turn to speak but he too sounds astounded all the way to outer space.

"It is a lowly position." So low in fact, they were not in the count of departments. Hence the status of 0 out of 7. You're hit with another realization. "Aspiring 0". The one Erik had placed in his Instagram bio. It was not zero aspirations that you thought he meant, no he was aspiring to be 0. And suddenly it makes sense. Him being such a little pain in the ass, always sneaking off, taking cases well above his position, taking yesterday's case in fact. All to rank up and enter the review faster. You don't even know how to function with this information.

"Why would you choose the cleaner department?" There was only one person who had chosen the cleaner department. A year ago. You. But even back then the choice was between quitting altogether or becoming part of the 0.

"The cleaner department is as hard-working and as essential as any other position in the organization." He shrugs.

"Yes, but why choose it?" Ms Shen pursues. You can hear it in her voice that she simply cannot comprehend why would anyone choose to work there. Honestly neither can you.

"I like it there. The cleaner department has the friendliest, most genuine and accepting people I've met among all departments. Also, I've had the most supportive, protective mentor anyone could wish for. I've never been more inspired to both be myself and improve forward as I have under their tutelage and I hope that by working in the cleaner department I can repay them for the faith they had and hopefully continue to have in me."

His request is approved and after a quiet "review ended" Erik is officially given the position of the evidence removal department.

***

The crowd is restless. There's not a soul that's not debating outside the room. Everyone huddled up together. What Erik did today would go down in the history of the company. Right next to your name.

Briefly, you encounter Petsch who throws something snide in your direction but you brush past her without a second thought. Finally, you find that stupid red shirt, snuggled against the window. You break out in a sprint and smack him in the middle of the chest.

"OW!"

"Why would you do that?" You yell. Why are you yelling? You don't know. You're happy. Literally so happy. Erik begins to laugh, kinda nerdily as he is snorting a bit like a pig.

"You should have seen your face! Oh, man, I wish I had my camera with me! Oh, a picture truly is worth more than a thousand words."

"You idiot! I trained you," you deliver a smack "so you could," a smack, "have a better life!" Erik's smile doesn't falter for a second.

"What's better? It's a shithole here anyways. So they pay me more in other departments. The money I'd spend on therapy for working there would still decimate my pay into non-existence."

You stop hitting him as something dangerous bubbles up your throat. The hole in the chest filled. No, not that, he will never let me live if I do, you think to yourself.

"Are you actually crying?" Erik giggles his expression turning somewhat strange.

"No."

You do end up crying. After taking you to Omelas where surprise, surprise, your inner circle of other cleaners and Irina were waiting. Diego was already rolling on the floor with Liz trying to pull him up in a somewhat vertically inclined position. J.D. giving a quiet, appreciative nod and S - Jo along with Byun screaming their lungs out in some kind of celebratory song. You can't even tell which language they are screaming in.

Olga looks at the scene with mild amusement. If you'd had become a little bit like an unwilling older sister to this little horde of gremlins then Olga was like everyone's collective mom. How many of your messes and mood swings had she endured? You couldn't even count but you remember how badly you were afraid of disappointing her. And if Erik felt even the half of that...

It was then and after two bottles of vodka that you started sobbing. But just a little bit. After all, you hadn't cried in a while and if there was a better place to cry it was among this little makeshift family.

***

(a/n: lietonis, more commonly known as lietuvēns is a spirit from my country's folklore that is rumoured to strangle people and animals in their sleep. Basically something like a sleep paralysis demon.)

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somnolent-scout · 2 years

Text

The dumb post about mega and the whole "committing a yeet" thing but it's all in one post so i don't have to have a big reblog chain

No, I am not asking you guys to block her and cancel her. That's not necessary at all. She made a mistake and was ignorant. I was rude and argued a lot. Nobody's right in this situation.

Please don't go harassing her just because of this post.

Also, I'm definitely not in the right in this situation. I responded and acted like a dick the entire time. I was rude and impulsive here. I fucked up pretty badly.

But you were also rude. You adamantly refused to hear my side of the story and my reasonings for why I was using this as a coping mechanism. You completely ignored everything I was saying and kept pushing your agenda onto me.

Also, Mega, I know you probably don't believe this but you were the ONLY person that seemed to have a problem with this new coping skill. My own fucking parents said it was a good idea. My friends said it was better than what I used to do. My mutuals seemed to have agreed with my new plan.

You were truly the only person who had a problem with me using the word "yeet" when I feel frustrated. Because I didn't have a chance to explain this to you, I'll explain it all here:

I have deep rooted trauma with some of the dumbest things. Saying something so simple as "I'm angry" was genuinely a trigger for me. I can't stand being reminded of the social skills classes I was forced to take. It's not that I don't want to use it. It's that I CAN'T without triggering some deep seated trauma.

When I use the phrase "I'm going to commit a yeet!", that's supposed to be "I'm really fucking angry right now." If you want a direct explanation: I want to yeet away my anger right now because it's intense and I'm struggling with it.

It's not that I'm not mature enough to start the healing process, it's the fact that I have been going through the healing process for the past two years. It wasn't until March 2021 that I really had to learn to accept what happened to me. I have to accept that I was abused, kept in isolation, and forced through hours of sensory deprivation in my elementary school. I also have to accept the fact that there's nothing I can do to get revenge or payback. All I can do now is accept it, learn to deal with it, and move on. Although, because it was an abuse case in a public setting and I wasn't the only child who had to experience it, I do hold onto just enough of it to be able to answer people's questions about the intervention room. More people should know what I and many other autistic kids had to go through.

I understand that it may be potentially harmful. But I checked with several people to see if that was ok to say! Especially now with the context of that just means I feel really violently frustrated. EVERYONE ELSE was perfectly fine with the phrase. I'll continue to explain that it doesn't mean suicide, it means I want to get rid of my anger.

I never really asked for your help. I didn't want your help. You forced that on me. I know you were expressing your opinion. But look at the situation you were in: You were expressing your opinion on my own coping mechanism that doesn't directly affect you in any way, shape, or form.

Anyways, I'm still the asshole here. I was the one who whined about it for ten minutes and argued with her. I was the one who continued to argue despite the fact that she clearly wasn't interested in hearing my side of it.

Here's the post she was talking about:

I'm gonna stop talking about this now and leave it here. But if anyone has any questions or concerns, just ask me or message me. I know I fucked up a lot here but I wanted to let people know what's going on.

#tw harassment #tw trauma #tw ptsd #tw dumb rant #tw rant #callout #dont boost this cuz it doesn't really matter all that much #i just wanna put this out here ya know?

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muhtesemz · 3 years

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Selam. I asked you previously for advice so now i will write plot inshallah. so first, i want to say here is not any haram intention, i just want to hear you opinion and advice. before 2 yrs, i met one boy (it was course, and i knew him for 2 months). he first started talking with me there, when he went to the mosque and met me he would stop and talk to me, etc...after some time he stopped going there so i decided to talk to him on ig, so we talked. after some time he added me on close friends on ig, and told there "if someone wants my number text me because i will delete social media". so i asked him for number, he said omg no problem and told me that he has exams so he will text me after that. so he never texted. i decided to text him few times, for example Eid, etc...and i needed help about searching for uni so i asked him few things, he would always tell me "ask me anything, i will help". i told that i don't want to bother but he said he will help. after that, few months ago i gave up, and last summer i met him when i was with my bff. he stopped and talked with me. he was so polite, asking questions etc, and my friend told me to text him again because she saw the way he behaved like he was interested in conversation and i told him that it was nice to see him after a long time, he said "glad to hear that, and if i need help 'bout uni i can ask him"...after that i didn't text him, and he didn't text me (i mean he never texted me, only that time when he was giving number lol)...i make dua really, i am aware of fact that i am 20 like him, and there is no marriage until we finish our studying, but after 2 years after i met him, i can't stop thinking about him. he probably forgot that i exist lol, but i can't help myself (i am aware of everything, but the problem is i still have hope that one day maybe we can meet but then i start thinking rationally - chances are small). this Eid i didn't want to text him, idk, i wasn't brave enough and ego things you know, i don't want to seem desperate... i would like to hear your honest opinion and your view on this situation, and maybe advice... i would appreciate it a lot...and thank you a lot, and sorry for this long plot but i want to explain some details to introduce you in the story.

Waalikum Salaam. At first I want to apologise for the late response as I was kinda busy and not active here. I've understood the case. I think you really admire his personality and dream of a future with him. Your intention isn't bad and I appreciate it. But the problem is there's a foggy environment created between you two. And this Eid, you didn't text him as you said. But what could happen if you texted him. Perhaps he would give you a short reply and you would fall into the same loop again. So I don't think the way you're approaching is a good one. First talk to yourself, do you really love him or want to have a future with him? Then you can discuss with someone you prefer (for example, the bff you mentioned above). Then if you're really interested, then you can directly tell him or somehow let him know about everything. Then there will be two possibilities - either he'll accept or reject. If he accepts then alhamdulillah. And if he rejects, you may feel hurt for a while but won't feel confused for this long time. I hope I could make you understand.

And keep praying that Allah grants you what's best for you in a beautiful manner. Also in the whole process, try to stick to what Shariah says. Thanks for reading this long response. And let me know if you have any further queries.

#anon #ask

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aros001 · 3 years

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Going in blind: Watching season 5 for the first time. Random thoughts.

Episode 1: Well...that dinner got dark. From what other fans have told me apparently Glimmer gets a lot of hate for her decisions during the series and I just find that odd. I was more annoyed with her in the early seasons where her actions were more harmless simply because she had no patience and wouldn't listen because of her immaturity. Season 4 and here though? Even her most reckless and risky actions have at least been fueled by the genuine desire to keep people safe during a very hard situation. Even here, yeah, she tells Prime something it's very bad for him to know but he was going to have Adora and everyone else literally murdered before her eyes if she didn't. I can't really be mad at Glimmer for making a bad choice when it flows logically and fueled by the desire to keep the people she cares about from being slaughtered.

I don't think we've ever seen Catra this completely at the mercy of another person before, save maybe for Shadow Weaver when she was a child. She has nothing to offer that Prime doesn't already possess. Nothing he wants that he can't get for himself. Her relationship with everyone these past few seasons have been either "I'm your commander and you have to do what I say" or "You are my commander and here's the reason you have to keep me around". This time she has nothing to protect herself behind and the only reason she's still around is because Prime might think of a use for her later.

I love having Scorpia on the heroes' side.

Episode 2: That ending though.

I think what helps elevate Entrapta for me and keeps her for being annoying or irritating is that the show really sells that she just genuinely has trouble understanding why she should/shouldn't be doing certain things. It's not stupidity or even pure self-absorption, she just struggles with people and social ques while machines and science is a lot more straightforward. Heck, she was probably able to bond so well with Hordak because work together in the lab was them meeting on a common middle ground she could understand and relax in. The way she's trying to overcome the issue to help save Glimmer reminds me a little of Mob from Mob Psycho 100, feeling a little frustrated in not understanding something that she knows she should be.

Episode 3: Anybody else get a Disney's Hercules vibes at the end there?

Catra: "Besides, O Oneness, you can't beat her! She has no weaknesses! She's gonna kick your...!"

Prime, smiling: "I think she does, little sister." [Strokes Catra's hair] "I truly think...she does."

This episode really sold how completely isolated Catra is. With the sole exception of Glimmer, she's in space, no idea where exactly she is, onboard a ship filled with nothing but Prime and hundreds of cultist clones. Throughout the entire series we've seen Catra push everyone away and now that she's in a situation where she is almost well and truly on her own with no power, freedom, or authority, she seeks out the one other person around to find any sense of comfort in. Despite everything, Catra doesn't like being alone.

Little child Catra lashing out because she didn't want Adora to have any friends other than her kind of reminds me of Glimmer and Bow during the Princess Prom episode. I imagine it's the same mentality. Growing up in isolation, even if in different forms, and finding only that one person they feel thay can really lean on, there is that fear that they'll find someone else they like more and start caring about them less, or even outright stop. The difference is Bow set Glimmer straight, assuring her he'll always be her friend no matter what but he's not going to be just solely dedicated to her. Her fear was understandable but she was not respecting him as a friend either. Adora never really had that with Catra, one because she was much younger and less mature than Bow, and Catra was probably all she had too, to an extent. As we saw season 1, she was always trying to look after her, even when Catra needed to take responsibility for herself. Bow is not Glimmer's keeper, while Adora too often was that for Catra, so Bow and Glimmer have a better foundation of mutual respect while Adora and Catra's dynamic has been really screwed up for a long time.

Kind of tying into that, despite all that's happened between them, the minute Adora hears Catra's in distress she starts panicking and tearing up. The last time they saw each other they were very much enemies and Adora was done reaching her hand out to her. I suppose you could make the argument she's really been hoping all this time that Catra would finally do the right thing for once, just probably didn't expect it to be like this.

Prime better not mind wipe Catra like he did Hordak.

Episode 4: See, calling the heroes the rebellion now makes sense since they are rebelling against the established power, which is Prime.

Love that trick with the reflections, where you can sort of see/sort of can't see She-Ra. A nice little tease for what I imagine will be a big reveal later.

I really like that explanation for what Bow's going through. Last season's finale was the last he'd seen Glimmer and was desperately trying to save her, and he's been consistently worried for her since then. Now that she's safe he's starting to let himself process his other emotions towards her, and I totally get it. It's hard to be mad at someone when you're also terrified over what might be happening to them, even if your anger is justified. While I get why Glimmer last season did what she thought she had to, it was still a big risk that Bow warned her about and she didn't listen, putting them all in danger. This situation and Glimmer's words is a very mature way of handle this topic. He's not wrong for being mad and it's not a contradiction to what we've been seeing from him this season. Humans and emotions are complicated.

Episode 5: SHE HAS PAAAAAAAAANTS!!! (I will miss the cape though)

That almost makes up for them cutting Catra hair. Seriously, that mane was beautiful!

But boy, speaking of Hercules, that return of She-Ra definitely felt like Hercules emerging from the pool of souls to save Meg.

With the one clone being disconnected from the hive mind and having a breakdown over it, that does make me wonder if Hordak has been connected to it. Wasn't he deemed a defect because Prime couldn't connect to his mind? I suppose it's possible that flaw was corrected. Clearly Prime can take over minds other than just his clones, like with Catra. But if he could do that I'm wondering why he just didn't when Hordak was first created and he instead cast him out to Etheria.

Was Catra purring at the end? I swear there was a sound that sounded like purring.

Episode 6: Assimilation is easily one of my biggest fears in fiction, be it zombies, Borgs and Cybermen, Get Out, the freaking Sapphire Dragon from Xiaolin Showdown that scared the hell out of me as a kid! Just the concept of having your free will and autonomy completely ripped away from you, potentially with you still being aware but unable to do anything about it, is horrifying! At least with Prime's chips the process is reversible.

Anyway, in lighter plots, I kind of love Wrong Hordak. He's really funny. I feel bad that he's being deliberately misled, but he really shouldn't be following Prime anyway, so...

I do like that Adora is being a little more tough on Catra. She needs kindness, yes, but she also needs honesty and discipline, the kind that has actual love and care behind it, unlike what she got from Shadow Weaver. Adora is genuinely trying to help so Catra needs to stop acting like a brat and LET HER HELP.

Episode 7: Catra was definitely purring.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume people probably ship Scorpia and Perfuma. Not that I have any problem with that. It's like the Midoriya/Todoroki ship; I don't ship it myself but I totally get why others do. It's a relationship based in mutual respect and one of the characters having a significantly positive effect on the life of the other. As long as the shipper themselves is not horrifically toxic, I don't care.

Also, I don't think I've ever been so intimidated by Mermista before than I was with that one shot of her in silhouette, just before the reveal she was chipped.

Episode 8: Okay, I definitely love Wrong Hordak. Just that realization of his. "Horde Prime...lied to us..." There's just something about it that's so full of character. Obviously he's a brainwashed clone but he was truly devoted to Prime and just to find out that he would keep something so big from them, from the hive mind that's supposed to be so open to him and each other, it destroys everything he ever believed in. It's hilarious to watch him prepare to lead his brothers in a revolt against Prime.

I assume magic is Prime's "weakness" in that he himself cannot control it. Obviously he can control magical beings like Spinnerella and have them use magic but magic itself is too free and too powerful for him to contain and fully fight back against. He's all about order and stillness and magic is basically chaos.

Episode 9: I like to believe the mushroom kingdom they saved is a Mario reference.

Something I like in hero stories is "the power of a name" or "the power of a symbol". Something as simple as Superman's S-shield can have so much weight and meaning behind it just because of the person it's tied to. She-Ra isn't just a powerful warrior to the people of Etheria, she's a hero of legend. We saw it touched on even back in season 1 how much Adora returning She-Ra to the world meant to everyone. She-Ra to them is a symbol of hope. If they have her on their side, then they believe they might be able to win and with that ordinary people can find the strength to fight too. It's something I think the Green Lantern put best with how the Blue Rings of hope supercharge the Green Rings of will but lose a lot of their functions when the greens are not around. Hope is useless if you don't have the will to also act, but in turn hope can give people the will to act. The more hope they have that they can win, the more they will fight to win.

That was the nerdiest comparison I've ever made.

Episode 10: I appreciate a good bad dad joke and that's why I can't approve of "punderstand". It's too much of stretch to flow well. "Ruined" was good though.

I'm less surprised that Scorpia's been chipped and more that she's even alive. She was at the bottom of the ocean when the roof broke and she's a scorpion woman. I don't think water is a very friendly element for her. She's even commented on how good the desert was to her.

I wonder her She-Ra mode is not working for her simply because Adora is exhausted; mentally and physically. I don't think she's ever used the form this continuously before, and she's been doing it without the First Ones' sword that she has experience with. Her new sword and its transformations may be made out of her own energy for all we know. And then there's just the emotional toil of having Catra back in her life while it feels like more and more of the world is being turned against her.

Episode 11: Oh, I'm definitely shipping Hordak and Entrapta.

I think Re:Zero has spoiled me on dark magic. While Micah with his dark magic is a threat, in this show and many others dark magic basically just equates to "spooky, evil, bad stuff" magic that isn't that different from most other kinds of magic other than being either harder to control or more geared towards causing harm. In Re:Zero, dark magic was DARK. It felt unnatural, like a perversion of how their world's magic is supposed to be and that it didn't belong in this reality. Micah's dark magic is basically "I'm attacking you with shadows, oOoOoOo so scary!"

Not really surprised Catra left. She just got Adora back and now she's potentially about to let herself die. Perfuma said it best, letting people in and letting herself be vulnerable is hard. Caring about Adora and watching her die would be a huge blow, so Catra would rather curl back up into her shell and block out Adora again than have to risk taking that hit.

Episode 12: I keep saying it but now having them right next to each other, yeah, Mara's She-Ra outfit is better than Adora's. I don't know, there's just something grander about it. Anyway, on topic, I'm a big fan of superheroes and legacy and all that and I really like Mara's words to Adora. All she did and sacrificed was so that others, especially the next She-Ra, wouldn't have to do the same. It doesn't matter how noble and heroic it is, tragedy is tragedy and anyone who knows that kind of pain doesn't want anyone else to have to go through it.

I'm not surprised by the love confession between Glimmer and Bow. I felt it could go either way with them either hooking up or just staying really good friends, but that in itself is a sign of how good and natural their friendship is. I can easily buy how it would evolve into something more between them. The situation they're in probably helps. When Glimmer was taken they both thought they might never see each other again and that fear and worry probably caused them to reevaluate how they feel about the other. They've been clinging to each other since getting back, as every day could be their last. Something like that is naturally going to push two people together.

Episode 13: So...are there any plans for a season 6? Or a comic continuation like Avatar and Korra got? Because this was a good finale...buuuuuuuuut I feel there are definitely some things that needed a bit more exploration.

This is typically why I like stories with epilogue endings, especially those set some number of years in the future. Little glimpses of what everyone's doing now, allowing the audience to fill in for themselves what happened in-between. There's nothing wrong with this episode but it does just kind of...stop. They beat Prime. Everybody's cheering and happy. Adora suggests they bring magic back to the universe. And...that's it. We don't see anything more. No aftermath, no post-war, nothing. We end on the moment of victory, and while it's not a bad moment it leaves the ending feeling a little incomplete.

It kind of feels like the writers either really had to rush to the ending to make the 13 episode deadline or simply didn't want to address whatever happens with Catra and Hordak now. With the bigger threat of Horde Prime it makes sense why everyone puts aside past issues and works together. But now that the crisis is over, naturally everyone would have to address everything the Horde had done to Etheria for years with Hordak and Catra leading it. Don't get me wrong, I believe that Catra loves Adora, I believe Adora loves her, and I believe Catra wants to be a better person. It's not like I'm saying she needs to be locked up or executed. But she did cause a lot of damage and put Adora especially through hell, and just because Shadow Weaver is the one who screwed her up so bad doesn't mean she doesn't have any responsibility for her own actions. So it just would have been nice to get even a little bit of lip service to show that Catra would be trying to right her wrongs from this point forward, instead of just "Prime's gone, everyone's happy, bye!" At least with Entrapta she seemed to genuinely not understand why what she was doing at the time was wrong and Scorpia, like Adora and Huntara, defected from the Horde to do the right thing despite it being even more part of her upbringing than anyone else. I can't even imagine what happens with Hordak now.

Don't get me wrong, this is far from the worst I've ever seen a redemption handled. I haven't read/watched any of Boruto outside of the movie and Gaiden tie-in but I've read all of Naruto and there is no reason that Orochimaru should just be walking around and casually talking with people after all he's done. Kaiba in the Yu-Gi-Oh manga built an entire theme park to try an murder Yugi and his friends and they bring it up like twice after that arc. Kylo Ren turning back to the light was one of the potential paths for his character, so that made sense in TROS, but they essentially did "He died heroically and therefore totally redeemed himself for every terrible thing he's ever done."; basically a cop-out. Catra's alive and can at least potentially still own up to her actions and work to redeem herself. And I love Steven Universe, but kind of like with Catra nearly killing everyone (including herself) via the unstable portal, fans have naturally pointed out that the Diamonds enslaved and committed genocide on multiple planets and really faced no consequences for that other than "Stop it". Catra's not at the gold standard of redemption stories, which for me is probably Zuko and Endeavor, but she's far from the bottom. I think the best way to describe it is that Catra had as good, if not better, reasons for being so bad and screwed up as Zuko did, just as good step-up for turning good as Zuko did, but she didn't have nearly as much payoff afterwards to make it feel like a full journey like Zuko did.

But enough about all that. Love the basically goddess She-Ra Adora became. Given the emphasis on healing powers with She-Ra we've had, I'm guessing that's essentially how she destroyed Prime. She purified Hordak and Prime was basically an infection within him. I like when heroes snatch victory from the jaws of defeat but I also when there's an implication towards the villain that "Wow. I never stood a chance." She-Ra's power just dwarfs his. Full potential realized by Adora and he was just gone.

Also I don't know how I forgot that Prime could jump into the bodies of his clones but his possession of Hordak got me. I genuinely couldn't think of how he'd survive after Hordak shoved him off the edge (set free by the power of love!).

And even if the ending feels a little incomplete, the episode itself still did well with my emotional investment. I was gripped by during Catra's confession and the tension within the heart.

Season 5 and overall series verdict: I'm very glad I saw this series. Even though its ending falls a little short for me, this was still really good. Seasons 3 was probably my favorite overall but this story had a very good flow to it. It steadily built up bigger each season, with Catra and Hordak being really compelling villains driving the whole thing. Not that Prime was bad. He was a genuine threat and his cult of clones is a good creepy concept. He's just not as good as the other two. I'm sure part of what elevates him up is because I'm thinking of the JL director's cut but Hordak really is just better Steppenwolf. Everything that worked about that character, Hordak is that to an 11.

Given how I've talked about her more than any of the others, Catra is probably my favorite character. Just the damage that girl has been through. I always understood why she was doing what she did, even though there was rarely a moment I'd agree with exactly what she was doing. Again, it's one of the reasons it feels like the series just kind of ended. There's a lot to be seen with Catra's character now, a lot that can be done, and it just feels like a shame to really not show any of it. This isn't a fault of SRPOP itself because so many series, especially animated and anime, are guilty of but it always bugs me when a series ends on two characters hooking. Relationships are interesting, I'd argue more so than the build-up to them, but no writer ever wants to actually explore them after the hook-up. I never cared about Korra and Mako being a couple but I still found their relationship as a couple more interesting and character building than any of the will they/won't they build-up to it. And I actually like the idea of Adora and Catra as a couple. It's a big reason why I'm so happy the Harley Quinn animated series got renewed for a third season, as it otherwise would have just ended on a hook-up between two characters who, like Adora and Catra, love each other but have had a complicated dynamic for a while. I believe Adora and Catra love each other, but they've got a lot of stuff to work out and I want to see that! Catra's got abandonment issues and that in turn caused her to be unhealthily possessive over Adora. Just seeing the two of them try to work through that alone would be fascinating.

Like I suspected early on, Scorpia's my favorite supporting character. Entrapta's a decent 2nd. Took a small dip when it seemed like she was joining the Horde over feeling abandoned by the princesses when they thought she was dead but that picked back up once it was made more clear "Oh, okay, you're not being petty or stupid. You genuinely don't understand." It made her a more interesting character, and I love her and Hordak's relationship.

Least favorite characters...probably Sea Hawk and those three former Horde friends of Adora and Catra. I never hated them but I never cared about what was happening when they were on screen. They fill out the world a bit, they drive the plot, they're not wastes of space, they even get some laughs. There are just so many other characters in the series way more interesting than them.

Biggest surprise for me was definitely Glimmer and Bow. I never thought I'd dislike them but the best friends characters in series like this can kind of go one way or another with how relevant or deep they are. Glimmer especially I was surprised how much I was invested. She really grew a lot as a person throughout the series and I thought the dilemma over the Heart of Etheria was a good one.

Honestly there's a lot more I could talk about but I have only so many words and my thoughts are a jumble right now so I'm going to leave it at that. I will say I really appreciate how supportive you all on this Reddit have been. It's something I hate about some other fandoms I'm in where they basically are so toxic that they make no one else actually want to watch/read the thing they're fans of because they can't help but associate it with them.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/PrincessesOfPower/comments/o2p6wq/going_in_blind_watching_season_5_for_the_first/

#she ra #she ra spop #random thoughts #reddit repost

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