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eternally-writing · 3 years

Text

chain reaction | jjk

genre: fluff and angst

rating: PG

pairing: Jungkook x reader

theme: college!au , enemies to lovers, series

word count: 1.3k

warnings: light swearing

synopsis: A semester with your mortal enemy, Jeon Jungkook, as your lab partner was bound to be an experience to remember.

banner by me!

A/N: hey everyone! This is my first series that I’m writing and I’m so excited to share it with all of you! If you want to be tagged in future parts, reblog and mention that you want to be tagged in the caption, or you can send me an ask!

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

“You’re late”

Swinging your backpack onto the lab bench beside you, you glare at your lab partner.

“Shut up Jeon, it’s only 8:04am and our TA hasn’t even finished introducing the lab yet”.

Introduction to Organic Chemistry was all set up to be your favorite class. You were a chemistry genius in high school, your professor had amazing “rate my professor” reviews, and the class fit perfectly into your schedule, finishing right at 2:00pm so you could walk back to your dorm under the radiance of the afternoon sun.

It was all going well until you walked into your 8:00AM lab and found that due to budget cuts, all labs would now be done in pairs. And you had been paired with none other than the bane of your existence, Jeon Jungkook. As if doing an amide reduction wasn’t hard enough on its own, you had to do it alongside the biggest thorn in your side.

You couldn’t quite pinpoint exactly what it was about him that irked you so much. Maybe it was the way the girls tried to flirt with his constantly over the open flame of a Bunsen burner, or the way that he sucks up to your extremely old TA in order to get full marks on his procedural skills, or maybe it’s the fact that he somehow managed to look effortlessly put together at 8am on a Tuesday morning, while you looked (and felt) like absolute crap.

Either way, you were counting down the seconds until this semester would be over and you wouldn’t have to look at Jeon Jungkook again, but time seemed to be moving extra slow today.

“Late and spacing out today? Wow, lucky me to have you as a lab partner.”

Scoffing at him, you adjusted your protective glasses and readied your labware for today.

“180 minutes until I’m free. That’s it,” you thought to yourself.

“Technically it’s 170 minutes now, but if we don’t get started someone soon so we can hand in our product by 11am, we’re going to be here for a lot longer than that.”, snapped Jungkook next to you, already starting to mix chemicals together in a beaker.

Well, looks like your habit of accidentally saying things out loud gets worse when you’re tired.

“Let’s just try and get through this lab today without stepping on each other’s toes Jeon, okay?” you said, trying to catch up to Jungkook in the lab.

There was one part of chemistry labs you disliked the most. The waiting time. In some labs it was only 30 minutes, while in other labs it had taken almost an hour, but the constant in all of the situations was that waiting made it feel like time was passing at an infinitely slower rate. Taking out your laptop would violate lab safety protocol, and you couldn’t do any further steps in your lab until your reaction in your solution was done progressing under the fume hood. Since there were no other options, the only other thing left to do in moments like this was talk to Jeon Jungkook.

“So I was -”

“What did you -”

Yikes, add the awkwardness of starting conversation with Jeon Jungkook to the reasons you never talk to him. You decided to pause and let him carry on with whatever he was saying, giving him a semi-pleasant smile to hopefully help distract from the embarrassment you were feeling.

“I was going to ask what you wanted to do our lab presentation on,” said Jungkook.

Your eyes widened at his statement. Looking at the whiteboard situated at the side of the room, you saw that in the 4 minutes you were late to your lab you may not have missed your TA explaining the procedure, but you did the big words on the board that said:

“FINAL LAB PRESENTATION: 3 weeks from now, worth 20% of your grade, done with your lab. 5-10 page paper and 10-15 minute oral presentation”.

Unable to contain your discontentment with the situation, you let out a groan and leaned back in your chair in frustration, almost falling off your lab stool in the process.

“Well aren’t you just little Miss Sunshine today? I’m not thrilled about this either, but I’d rather pull out my eyelashes than have to repeat this course again next semester,” scoffed Jungkook.

No morning ice coffee + Jeon Jungkook being annoying + a looming group project was more enough to make your head hurt.

“Can we just talk about this later Jeon? My brain can’t process this right now,” you pleaded as you put your head in your hands.

Leaning closer to you, Jungkook spoke at a whisper-level near your ear so nobody else would hear.

“Is your brain too busy processing my charm, sunshine? Don’t worry, I’ll try and tone down the charisma for you,” he joked with a smirk.

Your head went from being in your hands to plopping flat onto your (no longer sterile) lab counter at Jungkook’s comment.

First of all, ew. You don’t know how Jungkook was possibly picking up girls by talking like that. Second of all, charm and charisma were probably two words that you would NEVER associate with Jungkook, so his statement was definitely wrong.

A project with Jungkook meant that you would be spending a LOT more time with him, and the prospect of that happening made you wince internally. Group projects meant libraries, evenings, and , ugh, probably weekends with Jeon Jungkook.

You were snapped out of your internal despair by the sound of Jungkook’s voice.

“Hand me your phone.”

You froze. “Hm?”

“Well I don’t know what you think of me Y/N, but unless you think I can read your mind we’re going to need to text to figure out when to meet.”

Giving in, you quickly tossed your phone into his open palm while grabbing his phone which was sitting on top of his backpack.

Glancing over his shoulder, you took a peek at your contact name.

“little miss sunshine? really Jeon?”

“Of course sunshine, i had to pick a name that encapsulated your positive and radiant energy,” he retorted, sarcasm practically dripping off of his words.

You definitely were picking your battles today, and one over a silly contact name didn’t seem to be worth it.

“You can do whatever, Jeon, but you’re sticking in my phone as “Jeon Boy” and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“We’ll see about that Y/N,” remarked Jungkook as he opened up his lab manual to read the next steps in the procedure.

Your mom had always taught you that the word “hate” was a very strong word and was only to be used in extreme situations. To this day, there were only 3 people in your life that you truly hated in every sense of the word: your ex-boyfriend, Jimin, your ENGL 101 Professor, Dr.Lee, and your neighbor’s cat, Mr. Whiskers, who chewed up your grade 8 science project the day before it was due.

You wouldn’t say that you hate Jungkook, but you were definitely getting close.

“Yknow, I don’t like you Jeon. Actually, scratch that, I really don’t like you.”

Glancing over at the timer on your lab bench finally reaching 0:00, Jungkook began walking over to the fume hood. Turning back to you, he smirked and started to speak.

“Well, the feeling’s mutual sunshine.”

Boy, this was definitely going to be a long semester.

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

If you want to be tagged in future parts, reblog and mention that you want to be tagged in the caption (or you can send me an ask)!

If you liked what you read, please write/follow! Thank you for reading♡

- Emily

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crazy-loca-blog · 3 years

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Casey Valentine: About Her Present

A/N: Did the inspiration suddenly hit me after I had no idea what to do about this because I had never thought about it before? It did. Set somewhere between the end of Book 3 and right after it just because otherwise I wouldn't have had things to say about Casey's future. Part of the @openheartfanfics "Meet My MC" event.

Meet My MC || About Her Past

If Casey had to describe her three-year residency at Edenbrook, she'd say it's been intense, life-changing and unexpected. Time went by so fast and so many things happened in so little time, that quite often she still thinks all of this is just a dream.

Sometimes she still doesn't believe that she survived a betrayal, a trial, and an assasination attempt. She could even write a book about it, but keeping some of these stories to herself and the people around her seems wiser.

She passed her boards with flying colors and now she's ready to face a new challenge: becoming the new head of the Diagnostics Team. Ethan offered her the job after he was offered the Chief of Medicine position by Naveen, and even though at first she didn't know what to answer, she knew that Ethan would have never offered her the position if he considered her incapable of excelling at it.

And you can tell she already has a lot of plans for the team, even though none of them implies filling the spot that she'll leave. The work dynamic with Harper and Tobias is amazing, and they all think they don't need another member at the moment.

She's also glad that her salary will allow her to get rid of her med school debt sooner than she expected, even though she knows what she'll do with part of her first payment: she'll get Esme a ticket to visit her parents in El Salvador. This is something she's been thinking about since she knew her story. She knows how it feels growing up without parents, so if she can make a difference on the life of her intern, she will.

The only condition for her to accept her new position as head of the team was to be able to set some time apart to work in the free clinic. This is one of the most rewardings experiences for her and it reminds her why she decided to become a doctor in the first place, so she doesn't want to lose that.

When Casey first arrived in Boston, it was all about the medicine. She wanted to learn from the best. Little did she know that the same guy she admired as a doctor would become the love of her life.

Everything began as a mentor and mentee relationship, but after a few months it became something else. And it's been that way for the last three years.

Their relationship has been... interesting, to say the least. They both had different reasons to fight their feelings for each other (Ethan's morals on one side, and Casey's previous heartbreaks on the other side), but apparently when two people are meant to be, things are just inevitable. And they seem to be inevitable.

After the longest time and many highs and lows, they made things official a few weeks ago. And they're over the moon about this. Casey doesn't remember being this happy before.

However, she wants to do things right this time. She has always felt her previous relationships failed because she made too many impulsive and bad decisions, and she really wants things to work this time... mostly because she has recently discovered admitted to herself that this is the first time that she is completely and utterly in love.

Yeah, she thought she had been in love before... but after meeting Ethan and understanding her feelings towards him, she just knew she had been so wrong in the past! She never felt like this about anyone before.

Do people talk about them? All the time. Does she care? Not at all. She felt uncomfortable about rumors at first, but Casey knows that people have been talking about them for the last three years, and she doesn't care anymore. She's just too busy trying to be happy to care about what people say about them.

However, to avoid any potential conflicts at work, they both have decided to keep their relationship as private as possible. And so far it's working.

If Casey learned something about friendship during her residency, is that you never know when someone may betray you. Luckily, she has few friends, but they're the best.

Luckily, they all happen to be brilliant in their areas of expertise, so they all are geting great job offers to stay in Boston. And none of them is planning to leave.

This is awesome for several reasons, but mainly because they don't need to find a new place to live or a new roomie, which is a relief for everyone, and because they won't need to schedule annual reunions to catch up on their lives... they can keep having their daily or weekly ones.

She is also lucky to keep working with people she admires a lot: Tobias and Harper. She still can't consider them her friends, but they're certainly on their way to become more than colleagues.

Outside Edenbrook, Casey also keeps in touch with her med school besties: Tracy and Lauren. They both are doing their residencies at Mayo Clinic, so the chances they visit each other any time soon are very low. However, Facetime helps them to keep in touch at least once a week... and Tracy is getting married very soon in New York, so Casey is counting the days to see her girls after all this time (maybe she should tell them that now she might be taking a plus one with her?).

Even though the original plan was that Oliver would be going to Boston with Casey, things changed after grandma Marie passed away and Oliver decided to stay back home.

The twins had never been apart, so this has been a whole new experience for them. Not only it has helped them to become their own person, but now their relationship is stronger than ever.

They keep in touch on a daily basis. They don't talk on the phone often, but they are constantly messaging each other during the day.

Oliver also visits her every two or three months. And Casey's heart feels so full of love when his brother has the chance to share with her extended family, just because they all get along really well. In fact, they've already set a tradition: every time that Oliver is in town, they make plans to spend a day at Martha's Vineyard.

Casey goes back to Virginia every summer; however, the end of her her residency might mean that this is the last time in a while that she'll be able to spend more than two weeks at home. But that's okay... as long as she has a few days to recharge her energy by being in touch with nature and with her roots, she'll survive.

Of course, she's dying to take her friends there. Ethan has already visited and he won't admit it yet, but he's become a fan of that place. He completely gets why Casey loves it so much.

The idea of returning home after the end of her residency was tempting, Casey actually considered it at some point, but she'd be lying to herself if she says her heart is not in Boston.

Going from Virginia to Massachussets was a 180 degree change in Casey's life. She traded the mountains, the lakes and the river for skyscrapers, Seaport and Boston Common. Of course, this also meant making some life adjustments and discovering new hobbies.

She finally managed to balance work and life (something that had been impossible at med school). And even though Donahue's is the place to go after the long shifts, brunch on weekends with the gang are definitely her favorites.

Bryce, Rafael, and Ethan introduced her to the gym life at Edenbrook. At first, she only trained with the guys, but now she goes a lot by herself too, especially when she feels too stressed or when she needs to disconnect from the world. However, when it comes to release anger, boxing with Jackie is most definitely the option at the top of her list.

Sienna has taught her the art of vision boards to achieve her goals, but she's far from mastering it. in fact, any person who sees her vision boards would think they were made by a 5 year old kid. At least she tries (and she may even have reached a goal or two).

She also volunteers with Rafael once a week at his community center, even though she still can't learn how to dance samba. Sometimes, they also recruit interns, residents and attendings to perform some routine health checks to whoever wants them. These events are a hit... handsy Henrietta can't deal with so many hot doctors at the same time!

Life has taught her a lot since she arrived in Boston. Third-year resident Casey is a completely different person than the girl who assisted a thoracotomy on her first day at Edenbrook.

Luckily she hasn't stopped being her best self; however, after the incident, she felt that life was giving her a second chance. And she's been making the most of it since then.

She has everything to be happy: a dream job, the best brother in the world, a group of friends that became her extended family, and a "new" boyfriend who has been with her through thick and thin during the last three years.

She still deals with some PTSD, but a good therapy and understanding that this is perfectly normal while trying to learn to deal with it helps a lot.

Now she's ready to make a real difference in health care, the one that she dreamed about making in her intern year.

Tags: @adiehardfan @izzyourresidentlawyer

#meet my mc #oph meet my mc #oph meet your mc #casey valentine

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miraculouscontent · 3 years

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(Shanghai-related asks)

Anonymous said:

Did you see how, supposedly, the reason Marinette goes to Shanghai is bc Adrien is there. Because you know, that's a totally normal thing to do.

You know, there’s this suspension of disbelief where characters are allowed to do certain things that you’re like, “okay that’s not realistic but it’s fun so I don’t mind.”

Yeah, this is not fun.

Anonymous said:

Based on the new trailer for the Shanghai special, one of my biggest fears is that we won't see Marinette interacting with Sabine's family outside of Uncle Wang, even Sabine is nowhere to be seen in the trailer, please ZAG at least give us one of Sabine's parents, we're starving

I’m still rolling my eyes that there’s not one piece of dialog with Sabine talking about stuff related to her family, though her cheongsam is also flipped so--

Anonymous said:

Synopsis for the Shanghai Special: To join Adrien in Shanghai, Marinette is going to visit her uncle Wang who is celebrating his anniversary. But, as soon as she arrives in China, her purse gets stolen with Tikki inside, whom she needs to secretly transform into Ladybug! Without money and alone in the immense city, Marinette accepts the help of a young and resourceful girl, Fei. The two girls will ally and discover the existence of a new magical jewel, the Prodigious. Hawk Moth, also also present in Shanghai, seeks to finding it since a long time... Yea, cause Marinette still hasn’t suffered enough :p

mAriNEtTe mAkeS a mIsTakE iN eVeRY sToRY

Anonymous said:

As someone of Chinese descent, I felt extremely bothered by how miniscule the boy's , the one on the right (?) taking a picture with Adrien, eyes were when I saw the Shanghai trailer. It feels extremely... stereotypical? Not sure if that's the right word. I mean, he could just be squinting, but it still bothers me. Especially if that's their normal eye shape.

I heard similar complaints when Kagami arrived. They really stress the eye shape when it comes to someone full-on Asian (and if you’re half-Asian then you get wholly round eyes which makes no sense). It also gets weird because I feel like we have characters in the show who could pass for Asian (Mireille at least has the proper eye shape without it being over-exaggerated; I don’t remember if her skin tone is correct or not), but when characters are actually Asian, it’s usually taken to the exaggeration.

My sympathy goes out to everyone of Chinese descent who’s going to have to deal with the special. I’m literally a mish-mash of whiteness (American, French, and German) but even I know it must suck.

Anonymous said:

im tempted to watch the Shanghi special with my family, we're part chinese and have been to shanghi a few times. Then we can laugh and yell at it together, no need for show context

omg

As long as you have fun! Give it a good roast for me!

Anonymous said:

Excuse my french (pun intended) but

WHAT EVER LOVING HELL HAPPEN TO THE SPECIAL!!

Marketing.

Also the writers wanting to make sure you don’t forget that Adrien is a guy who exists.

Anonymous said:

Hi, Clarity! If you don't mind me asking, do you have any thoughts on the upcoming Shanghai special based on the information and trailers we have?

When I found out that Marinette was spending time with her great-uncle Wang, I was so excited. I was hoping that this special will be a breath of fresh air and spontaneously focus just on Marinette and her family for once. Maybe we'd explore Marinette's Chinese heritiage and learn more about her mother, Sabine and extended maternal family.

Then I saw Gabriel in which I eye-rolled 180* like any degree of character development. Like... great... more needless Miraculous lore/exposition. (Can we even call it exposition? I doubt any of the Miraculous-related events will be referenced within the show.) Whilst Miraculous lore is great and does expand our knowledge on the Miraculous, it steals any individual focus that Marinette could potentially have. It also tends to "hands everything" to Hawk Moth, who gets almost everything done his way without him even trying. Hmm, I guess as Shadow Moth, he won't have to use Mayura as his catslyst anymore. He'll have to ruffle his own feathers. (I don't know why I'm making a bird joke about Gabriel here. I hate him snd I couldn't care less about him.)

Also by reading the special's synopsis, it mentions that Adrien and Gabriel go to China for an unknown reason (maybe business related.) So Marinette decides to go to spend time with him (also spend time with Wang concurrently.) This might be a minor issue but I don't want Adrien to always be the centre focus of Marinette's motivations/desires. (He isn't always but I feel he is more than he should be.) Let our beautiful amazing girl just have an amazing time with her family in China. The writers need to stop Adrien being an integral part of Marinette's character. This special should be about Marinette (along with her family) and them solely.

Moreover, I'm worried that Marinette will imminently be embarassed/scolded/humiliated in some way. The synopsis mentions that she loses her bag (that contains Tikki.) Inevitably, she's going to be scolded for this for not being careful. The writers will blame her for the destruction that Hawk Moth will cause and not the actual man terrorising Shanghai himself. And no needless lovesquare drama please. If I'm not interested in it in Paris, don't think I'll be interested in it in Shanghai. And please do not let it be used to cause Mari/LB to suffer. Romance (no matter how contrived it is in this show) should be about finding joy and happiness. It should never intentionally be a burden for anybody, especially if it's for comedic purposes. Why am I worried that CN will yell at LB this time?

Maybe I'm just being pessimistic. I hope that the writers actually have them communicate properly about this time. Like they should both be honest (an important aspect of healthy relationships), to build clarity and to avoid confusion. Like the needless drama in NY could have been avoided if Adrien didn't ignore Ladybug and actually TRUSTED her by telling her the truth about him going somewhere instead of complacently lying to her, then losing her trust. Both could have told each other that they are going to NY "for personal reasons" without giving too much detail. To prevent suspicion, the writers could have included the American superheroes hosting an event inviting them or asking for their help to defeat that Micromonster guy. LB and CN could have both then collectively made a decision that if anything were to go wrong in Paris, they could quickly use the Horse Miraculous to transport to France in time (like Marinette was advised to do in "Startrain") or use the Rabbit Miraculous to travel back in time/manipulate events. There was no need to make Marinette suffer for the sake of needless lovesquare drama.

However, I love the animation for the special. It is mesmerising and beauitful and the graphics look superb. The atmosphere looks so clean and the nature-aspects (Hawk Moth's hideout) are intricately detailed. The lighting also complements the charactrrs and the settings' colours. A huge round of applause to SAMG for their excellant hardwork for animating this special despite the pandemic!

If you have any worries about the special, free free to do so! I want to conclude my message by thanking you so much for being such a lovely, kind, confident and resilient person. You always confidently express your opinions and strcture your essays clearly and legibly. I always look forward to reading your posts. I know I can always count on you to express our frustrations with the show's writing on our behalf and speak up for Marinette's mistreatment and inustice! 😊

Firstly, thank you! I gotta defend Marinette because we know the show won’t!

Anyway, I agree with basically everything you said. My biggest comments on it are like--

- I’m already tired of places just being used as set pieces for specials. I actually have a history of disliking specials/movies for shows because its purposes is usually just to get people hyped up, but that means big plots with big stakes and I end up thinking, “okay, but why can’t we have that in the show?” That’s always the issue I take with it; movies/specials prove that they can come up with high stakes plots, but we can’t have equivalents in the show because...?

- I officially tune out now anytime Marinette’s crush on Adrien is mentioned. It gets tiring and it just makes me feel bad for her and simultaneously angry at the writers for treating her this way. Add that onto the “Marinette always makes mistakes” rule and it’s clear that they’re creatively bankrupt and needlessly restrict themselves for the sake of making Marinette suffer. I’m just insulted that Gabriel is going to Shanghai for his fashion business but Marinette being into fashion is ignored.

- The animation is nice but whenever I see it, I’m reminded that we couldn’t have much SAMG in Season 4+5 because they were busy working on the special. The show should always take priority over some lame special/movies. I won’t judge the special for it but I’m salty about it regardless.

#category: salt #special: Miraculous Shanghai #other: ask and answer

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panticwritten · 4 years

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About to get hella emotional on main

November 19th will be this blog’s second birthday. I’ve been thinking about this post since September, and how I didn’t post anything for it last year.

I’ve been doing this writeblr thing for almost two years. It’s been so awesome to be a part of this community (the somber wording of this makes it sound like I’m leaving but I’m not), even if I know I don’t actually talk with other people very often. I go back and forth about feeling guilty about that, but the point stands that it’s so cool to see so many people so excited about their work. It’s amazing, and I really don’t have the words to describe how much I love to see it even if I don’t know a lot about peoples’ projects.

I’m going to have a normal anniversary post on the day, but that’s not what this is. This is gonna be sad and this is pretty much the equivalent of rebreaking a bone to make sure it sets right. Be forewarned about mentions of suicide, depression, and a story involving animal death that got a lot more detailed than I thought it was going to when I started this post.

I want to talk about why I made this blog.

Full disclosure, November is the absolute worst time of the year for me. It’s the time when seasonal depression starts to hit. It’s the part of term that always kicks my feet out from under me. There are a lot of memories stitched into this month that I haven’t been able to untangle. Really, it’s only two memories and a lot of uncomfortable Thanksgivings, but still.

It was just a month to me until 2014 when I ended up hospitalized after I overdosed on my antidepressants. I’m not gonna go into detail about any of that or the fallout from it, other than my life changed a lot for the better after. New school, new people, shiny new paint over everything.

But that whole thing was massively related to my daydreams. I cared more about them than I did reality, I was in physical pain when I was reminded that the world I’d spun up in my head and the people I loved so much who lived there would always be out of physical reach for me. I hadn’t had the Collective for very long outside of the histories I’d constructed for them. I’d known them forever in my head but I’d only had them for around a year. But they weren’t real and no matter how much I loved them or they loved me the family I spent most of my time with couldn’t really be there for me.

The point is, my daydreaming was wildly unhealthy then. I was obsessive and had at some point convinced myself in no uncertain terms that no one could know about the world in my head as anything other than what it looked like. It was just a story, right? Stories can’t hurt you, can’t give you trauma, can’t bake lasting and damaging fears in you even if they’re about you, right?

They can’t make you afraid of being underground, of the smallest echo in the dark of a cave. They can’t make you flinch when someone touches you out of some bullshit fear response you never physically learned. They can’t make distant sounds of movement in a house ratchet your fight or flight up. They can’t lace a fear of being watched so deep into your core that your constant irrational fear is a hidden camera in a space that’s supposed to be yours, that everything’s a test and all you have to do is mess up once and—

Yeah.

So I started writing them down. It gave me a way to bleed shit out, I guess. Instead of just wrangling it down into a box in my head, I sifted through what I had. I tried to start at the beginning, but everything was too fragmented then.

Eventually, I started the daydream that would turn into Breaking Furnace and I found a good way to categorize things. I started writing it, I got really far before I made this blog. I had been putting off finishing the dream itself because there was some shit toward the end that I knew was gonna suck, but the November 2017 happened.

I’d just moved to Portland, I was up here with my new roommate, keeping up decently in school, I had a new friend in my roommate and frankly the best ESA to ever exist and things were good. Things were okay, I was a little wary about November like I had been the two years before that, but generally fine.

Just one thing.

Before I moved up here, I had my cat, Dipper, checked out my the vet. I just wanted to make sure he was good, pick up a nice flea collar, reassure myself he was fine. Most things were fine, but we found out he had a heart murmur. I was told it increased his chances of throwing a clot that would kill him, but that he might just live his life. I’d know if it happened if his back legs stopped working. I felt the way he breathed so heavy a lot differently after that, but I made jokes because I had to. I got him a little ‘I have a heart condition’ tag for his collar.

So, November 8th. It was some time in the morning, 10 probably. I was watching Grey’s Anatomy. Dipper knocked an empty water bottle off the stand his food was on and I remember so clearly laughing when I turned to look. Asking what he was getting up to in the way you only can with the dumb animals we love so much.

And I remember my entire body going numb when he fell off the stand himself because he couldn’t walk properly anymore. I panicked and called my mom but she obviously couldn’t help and I was left to deal with it by myself so I couldn’t afford to be panicked. I needed to not feel it, so I just.

That numb was what stayed with me, and I don’t know if it’s actually gone away.

I was numb while I held him and l looked up a vet. Called one, explained in a voice that I didn’t recognize, got transferred to another, explained again. I was numb when I messaged the group chat my new friends had set up asking for a ride or for someone to go with me. I didn’t have money to order a Lyft, I was still waiting for the money I was transferring from my savings to my checkings so I could buy a new bag of cat food.

I was numb when the Lyft driver my friend called for us asked what was wrong with my cat and all I could say was that he was dying. When we got there and I explained at the front desk and had to watch them take him back. When they asked about sedatives and anesthesia and I didn’t care how much those cost because I couldn’t let him hurt. They were so gentle when they asked if I would want extreme measures taken to save him, but I’d known I was going to lose him before I’d called them so I was numb when I signed the DNR form too.

When I met with the vet, all I needed her to tell me was what was happening, to confirm the odds. She asked me what I wanted to do, but what I wanted had nothing to do with it and everyone in the room knew that. Even though I knew already, I asked what would be kinder and signed another form.

I got to hold him, got to make sure he knew that I was there. That I didn’t just leave him. He didn’t look any different afterward and I didn’t have room to feel anything but that vast emptiness.

They waved the fees for the visit, but I couldn’t afford to get a personal cremation. I could get fur clippings and pawprints for free but I felt like I was losing him twice in one day when I signed that order form. They asked if I wanted to see his body again once I’d left, but I couldn’t. I just wanted to get out. I regret it, I hate myself for it sometimes.

I almost didn’t go to the support group I found out about the next day. I met someone there who was so fucking pissed on my behalf. I genuinely can’t remember if it was $80 or $180 to get the personal cremation, to be able to get something of him back, but this fucking saint of a woman walked with me down to the reception area and asked if there was still time and paid it for me. I will never be able to repay her for that.

But the thing is, I never got to grieve.

I went home without him, I got mad. I walked into my dorn and automatically turned to look at my bed because he’d normally jump down from the shelf when I walked in. I cried, more than I ever had before.

I emailed my professors, didn’t go to class that day or the next. I looked at myself and I stared at that stand his food was still on and I just. Didn’t have time to fall apart. I didn’t have time to lose it. I went to a stupid fucking volunteer training thing at a hospital I ended up not even getting a position at instead of letting myself breathe for five seconds.

And no one really let me talk about it, I only had access to the limited counseling services my school provides, so I never actually got the chance to work through anything.

So, after that terrible story that made me cry for the first time in months to write, back to Breaking Furnace.

Instead of letting myself think about it at all, I threw myself into my daydreams and finished the Furnace daydream in about three days. I obsessed. I wrapped myself in my writing because if I’m thinking about my stories I don’t have to think about real shit that actually hurts.

I didn’t want to just write for me anymore. I needed a distraction. I needed something to make me not be who I was, I needed a community that didn’t know anything about the terrible hurt that I was trying to paint over.

So I made a writeblr.

I did that, and I started posting my writing. I felt welcomed and I felt cared about. I felt the community I never actually expected to be able to be a part of. I expected to lose interest after a few weeks but I didn’t and I felt comfortable in something that had nothing to do with what was killing me.

I don’t think it would be an exaggeration to say that I don’t know if I would have survived if it weren’t for writeblr. I don’t have any planned landing point for this, just that. I’m just, so thankful and so glad that I made the decision to break into this.

#animal death #suicide mention #i might add more tags later or i wont #im glad i wrote this but im really emotionally exhausted now and i need to get up for work in the morning

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standfortheangels · 5 years

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Instructions: Always repost with the rules, answer the 11 random questions left for you, and leave 11 more for the people you tag!

Tagged by: @illicreatxm

This got long so I’m going to stick it under a read more ^^

1. If you could write any canon character, which would it be and why?

Hm. I’m not sure. I have roleplayed a couple of canons before, but I find it harder to keep the muse for them. I could probably do Elsa okay, I could jump between her locked in the castle personality and her open, welcoming character post-film, which might help, but the inconsistencies in her Over-powered Powers annoy me, so I think I’d add a few limitations in there.

2. Favourite Disney movie?

Maybe Aladdin because Robin Williams is of course amazing and so perfect in that role~ Ohh but there’s also Atlantis.. And Dumbo! Aw no... Let’s just call this my top three before I get carried away >w>

3. Least favourite MCU character?

I haven't seen the more recent ones, so, I can't take into account characters like Thanos or Dr. Strange or, whoever else they've been bringing in. So out of what I've seen, I'd have to go with Bruce Banner/The Hulk.

It seemed in the earlier films that they didn't give much attention to Banner. They were all over using the Hulk to make bits interesting, but Bruce was boiled down to "quiet smart guy who CaN TuRN inTo THE HULK" so, yeah.

And the hulk himself later did like a 180° change for me. In his stand-alone film I think Hulk says like 3 words, maximum. Then rarely talks in his appearances in the other avengers brand films. Cool. We had "Puny God" and that was a-okay. One short, memorable, funny quote seems perfect.

But then what was all that when Whedon got his hands on it? (I mean don't get me started on that, I am really reigning myself back here but) They start off needing ways to calm Hulk down enough to get him back inside and give control back to Bruce, fair enough. But then like... He winds up not letting go of Bruce's body even though he isn't enraged anyway? And suddenly he's emotional enough and smart enough to take- what was it a plane? And seperate himself off from everyone and look all solemnly at Natasha before he does it or something?

Obviously my memory of it isn't great, honestly I stopped paying attention after Natasha's "I'm a monster- not because I was raised in a heartless environment full of violence and raised to literally kill people, that bit's whatever- but because they took away my fertility and now I can't have babies." speech. And that's the last MCU film I watched. I didn't want anything to do with them after seeing what Joss Whedon did with the characters and the overarching plotline and... Everything. x') So I might have gotten some of the hulk stuff wrong.

(I did watch Deadpool though, that I enjoyed~)

4. If you had to create any new character, what occupation would they have?

Ooo good question.

I think something proactive, where they could seek other characters out, but.. I'd kinda like a bad guy~ Someone who lies so much for their job, they have a dual personality to work with. They can be your smiling friendly neighbour, wishing you well on your holiday, then turn around and grit his teeth because this poses a major problem for his mission, and he can't lose his target, so now he has to follow, but he can't do that as your happy neighbour, no, you know he isn't going on holiday, certainly not today, not on your flight, not to the same ski lodge you're going to. No, he has to make a new cover- maybe say his neice phoned him with a family emergency and he'll be leaving to go be with her a while. Then shed this identity, find out where his target is going, quickly pose as some other tourist who blends into the background and get to the lodge first, all the while planning out some plausible skiing accident he can set up.

Wow that got more detailed than I expected x'D I think I just reinvented hitman, whoops.

5. Favourite sport?

[Image ID: Kiki from Kiki’s Delivery Service, laughing hysterically.]

My biggest concern when I'm on my feet is not falling over so, obviously sports aren't really my deal. x')

I used to swim a lot when I was a kid, I loved that, but, don't do it now.

And I'm not really into watching sports either tbh. Most of it seems over-hyped. Most football teams (real football, it is not soccer. The hint is in actual football, the ball, is hit, with your feet. Picking it up and running with it and then sometimes kicking it does not qualify as football, come on USA. Your thing is closer to Rugby than Football.)

Anyway most teams aren't much better or worse than any other if you actually watch objectively, which makes it look like they both suck because they're too well matched to score goals more than once in a blue moon.

Rugby I don't really understand the appeal of either. Scrums are weird and it wouldn't be entirely bizarre to see a guy walking away from the game with blood down his face and an ear in his hand. You'd almost expect him to stick the ear on ice and be back in a few minutes with his bandages on.

Really the only sports than interest me are the gymnastic types. Ice skating is good for a while but it can start getting dull if you don't have people willing to break the mould a bit. (Which is why I absolutely love the free skate bit. Where they aren't being scored and they just do whatever the hell they want, omg I live for that)

Floor routines are awesome, the pommel horse and rings are usually a little samey for me but the one with those two bars at different heights, that's fun to watch~ there's a little more variety there.

(And I don't wanna hear anyone in the replies saying these aren't sports, every example there including figure skating is a separate event in the Olympics, so. There.)

6. What’s your dream car?

I don’t really have one. At this point in my life I don’t actually have the option to learn to drive so I haven’t really thought about it. My only criteria is, it has to have a nice face. x)

Since I was tiny I have always seen cars as faces. The headlights would be eyes, and usually the number plate would be the mouth, but some cars have other stuff like a grill that might be the mouth instead. So like...

This would be a grumpy car with a pig-like nose and frown.. Actually those look like jowels either side of the mouth part. It looks kind of like a bulldog. X’)

And this would be a happy car. That black part around the number plate it wide and smile-shaped, and the headlights- rounded on top and straighter on the bottom, like the little creases we get when we scrunch up our eyes laughing~

This car looks like someone just said something really stupid to it, and it is not impressed, and lets the silence hang not knowing what to say.

Happy car

Terminator car

Happy car but in a mean way.. Like it’s on its way to cause mayhem or poking fun at someone. You get the general idea -w-

7. A movie that you think should have a sequel?

Hmm... this is a toughie.

8. A movie sequel that you think should be deleted from existence?

I don’t remember which number it was or even the title, but the Shrek sequel where Shrek like, hates having kids so much he makes a deal to change time? And Fiona winds up as like a vicious warrior leader because no-one ever saved her from the tower, and rumplestiltskin is in it? What even was that...

9. Design your dream outfit using this game ?

I wouldn’t say this really is my dream outfit, but from the options on offer~

(also discounting the enormous hair bun >w>;)

10. Favourite fairytale?

I’m not sure if this actually counts as a fairytale, but I love the story of the jolly roger. That classic skull and crossbones flag has a story behind it that a lot of people don’t know.

In a nutshell, a man (i guess a pirate) develops an intense crush on a young woman, who is about to get married. But just before her wedding, she dies. She is buried, but the man doesn’t take death for an answer. He digs her up and has sex with her body. When he’s done, a disembodied voice speaks to him, telling him that he has basically impregnated this corpse, and to come back in nine months.

For some reason, he does. He digs up the woman again. And sat below her pelvis is a small skull and two bones. The disembodied voice tells him to take these bones with him on his ventures, and they will bring him luck.

It’s bizarre, and kinda gross, and.. I dunno if being rewarded for sexually desicrating a corpse is the best moral? x’) But I was amazed when I heard this story, because I’d had no idea there was this whole tale behind the flag~ and I still love that it exists~

11. Create an avatar of your favourite muse using this creator? ?

First, it’s so cruel to ask me to pick my favourite child how dare you >w> haha

I went with Chester though because he’s the one I’m usually most connected to.

I can’t think of anyone I want to tag right now (at least not anyone who hasn’t probably done this already), but I’ll put the new 11 questions for anyone who does feel like doing this~ :) __

1. What’s one thread/plot you really want to do that you haven’t had chance to yet?

2. What is the reason for, or meaning behind, your blog icon?

3. Do you have any pets? Tell us a bit about them!

4. What is one thing you would never want to change about your appearance?

5. There is an ultra secret spy group, and you’ve just uncovered their existence. Now they say that you must either work for them, or they’ll find a permanent way to keep you quiet. What kind of work would you offer to do for them?

6. If you met your muse in real life, how do you think the two of you would get along? (multi-muse blogs, pick one of your muses at random.)

7. You have been given a huge budget to remake one film in your own vision. You can change anything, add anything, choose the cast, you have no limits. What would you do?

8. What is one skill you wish you could automatically master?

9. A genie offers you a deal. An unlimited lifelong supply of one food of your choice... But, you have to sacrifice your ability to chew. Does any food still tempt you?

10. What do you think is the funniest animal?

11. Share one memory you have that makes you happy to think about~

#literally anyone can do this #and you can tag me in it too if you want #even if we've never interacted #I love reading posts like these #x)#ooc #long post #I loved the game questions on this btw!#I've never seen anyone include something like that before #it was fun!#illicreatxm

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alloveroliver · 5 years

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Kyle x MC “Show Me What’s Mine”

NSFW Explicit; Kyle Ash

WC: 1,424

Kink: Dom!Kyle, Light Dom/Sub, Hair Pulling, No Panties Allowed.

Ikemen Revolution Fanfic

Kyle’s hands slid over his lover's body, pressing her against the solid wood of the door frame. With lips locked in a frenzy, his hips pushed against her core, holding her solid against the corner.

“You did amazing keeping quiet at dinner tonight.” Kyle broke the kiss to speak, trailing his mouth down her neck.

She held onto her boyfriend's arm, helping her stand upright. Nipping at her lobe, he whispered open-mouthed over her ear.

“I could feel you getting wetter, yet you didn't even make a sound.” His tongue tailed over neck after praising her.

The whispers sent a thrill straight to her arousal. She rubbed her thighs together at the memory of his fingers dipping into her under the table, hoping for some sort of relief. When Kyle asked her to dinner tonight, he stated she was to wear a skirt but wasn't allowed to wear panties.

Of course, in the excitement, she wore her flirtiest skirt in hopes to tantalize him all night. However, that backfired, causing him to tease her relentlessly until she positively soaked the dining room chair.

Kyle’s took a step back, eyeing her puffy lips and wayward hair.

“Get on the couch, and wait for me.” He spoke casually, sauntering off to the other room.

She moved through the room in a haze, her thighs sticking together from her ever-growing arousal. Reaching the couch, she sat on the middle cushion, running her fingers through her messy hair in vain.

Kyle walked back into the room with his jacket and shoes removed, smiling sweetly at her crossed legs and perfect posture.

“How about I have you change positions for me.” He sat down on the coffee table in front of her. “Turn around in your seat.” he jerked his chin up towards the back of the couch.

“Like this?” she asked, turning 180 degrees on the sofa, facing the backrest with her chest.

“Lean forward more.” she heard him stand at his request.

She used her arms to steady her over the back of the couch and bend her back down to push her head into the cushion. Kyle pulled at her legs, spreading them apart until her knees reached the very edge. Her back sloped sensually towards the couch as her ass remained high, on display for him.

“Pull up your skirt. Show me what's mine...” Kyle's deep voice stirred her further, causing her heart to stutter.

With one hand she reached back, turning slightly at the waist, then pulled the end of her skirt up over her ass. The fabric rested on her lower back as the air in the room cooled her heated core.

“You’re drenched.” Kyle smiled, sliding one finger up her wet inner thigh.

She turned back around, burying her face in the backrest cushion. She was grateful she could hide her blush in the soft fabric as she felt Kyle's fingers nonchalantly touched every inch of her cunt.

Kyle mercilessly turned her on all evening. Edging her clit at dinner, then fingering her entrance during dessert. He never let her cum the entire time he pleasured her, causing her mind to think of one thing only, sweet release.

She mindlessly pushed her body back toward him when his finger neared her hole. Kyle dropped his hand from her core, running his palm up her clothed back and into her hair.

With a firm tug, Kyle leaned in over her body as he stood behind her.

“Did I say you could move?” His words came out through gritted teeth. “If you move one more time without permission, I’m going to fuck you so hard into this couch you can't see straight.” He punctuated his statement with a yank of her hair.

His finger moved between her ass cheeks, trailing down her slit to her bundle of nerves. His hand released its grasp of her locks but held them in his hand for safe keeping.

The pad of his finger circled over her clit, as he revealed in the lustful moans she made. Stepping back, Kyle watched his fingers slide around her cunt, and circle her entrance once again.

It took everything in her not to move, she knew if she was just a little more patient Kyle would reward her with two- no three consecutive orgasms. However, her pussy throbbed at just the thought of the smallest amount of pleasure his fingers could give.

Kyle took longer than normal, teasing her especially hard tonight. With her resolve slowly breaking down, she gave in to what her body was screaming for. She pushed back again, hoping to feel his finger dip into her.

“Oh?” Kyle removed his hand, tugging her hair. “So you want me to fuck you roughly into the couch?”

His hands wrapped around her body moving her away from the backrest, and in one swift movement, had her face down in the seat cushion.

“Yes…” she spoke in a muffled voice, still gyrating her hips against him for any kind of stimulation.

Kyle pulled her legs apart in the new position, then released his hard cock hastily from its confines.

“Do you want me?” He asked while rubbing his cock up and down her wet cunt.

“Yes yes..” she begged, pressing back into him, and feeling her core drip with anticipation.

“I hope your pussy can take this without any build up.” He smirked, using his other hand to take a fist full of her hair and tug upwards.

He pushed his cock into her with force, feeling her walls stretch. Kyle tugged on her hair harder, the further he pushed into her.

“Take me, take all of me.” He grunted, pressing his sizable cock further inside.

Her moans were mixed with outcries of pleasure as he forced himself into her dripping pussy. With one last yank of her hair, he sheathed himself fully.

Kyle relaxed his body, letting her become accustomed to the intrusion. He knew her bodies limits and wanted to stay within her capabilities. His free hand dug into her hip, signaling her to prepare for an onslaught.

Kyle pulled back, his dick leaving her feeling empty, before slamming back in. His body began to rock hers, fucking her roughly right off the bat. With all the build-up from tonight, and how aroused she was in the current state, her body immediately began to shake.

The edge crept close, as her toes curled. With his cock hitting so deep, it kissed her womb, and she was flung over the edge. Her legs began to give out, but Kyle kept her upright with his arm, pulling her hair as she came around his cock.

“Already, Darling?” He breathlessly taunted, fucking her with wild abandon.

“Kyle! oh fuck.. Kyle please!” Her body came down from the release, yet her boyfriend refused to let up, pounding her into the couch.

With his fingers digging into her side, and his other hand tugging her hair, he set up a pace that hit her deeper than before. She lived for his small puffs of air and muffled moans as he boundlessly fucked.

Her body ached, yet her pleasure began to soar again in the wake of his onslaught. Faster and harder he fucked her, ebbing her closer to yet another release she hadn’t seen coming.

“Ahh! Kyle!” She screamed into the couch, squeezing her eyes shut.

“What is it, babe? Do you want more?” His hips snapped faster as his torso arched over her body.

“.... more” she whispered, desperate now for another wave of pleasure.

His hand tugged her hair taut, pulling her hips up further. His cock hit the sensitive spot inside her pussy with ease, burning up any resolve she had left.

“Fuck! Yes! yes!.... oh god- don’t stop!” She pleaded, feeling that familiar cliffs edge come into her grasps.

She wanted to encourage him to keep fucking her until she found release, but her release came faster than she anticipated.

“Ah! I’m cuming! I’m cuming…” she warned, as her pussy throbbed on his cock again.

Kyle let go of her hair, holding both sides of her hips as he fucked her deeply. Her vision blurred as the pleasure coursed through her veins with renewed intensity.

“God that feels so good…” He confessed as her pussy throbbed around his member.

Kyle wasn’t done, not until he found his own release while buried deep inside of her.

Thank you, Anon for the request!

Masterlist // Ko-fi <3

#ikemen revolution fan fic #kyle x mc #kyle ash #smut #rated e #ikemen revolution #alloveroliver

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softjeon · 6 years

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Speed Lane | Pt. 3

• Pairing: Yoongi x Jimin • Genre: Angst | Racer!AU ( → Gifset Trailer) • Words: 4,7k | Co-Writer: Cat @cassiavioletblue ↳ (AO3) • Disclaimer: mentioning of alcohol / drugs / violence / smut / abuse / graphic content

↳ There he was. In midst of his workplace, standing straight, sunglasses on his face, nose a bit too high, with an attitude as if he owned that place. The rage was welling all the way up inside of him, so quickly that the wrench cluttered from his hand. The boy turned around at the sound and they stared at each other, just like they did in the night of the race. « previous chapter | masterlist | next chapter »

Jimin stared out of the window, looking out onto the city below him. He loved his little apartment with floor to ceiling windows, offering him mesmerizing views of the city.

It was a three-story luxury condo complex, where he owned the top apartement. There were French doors leading out from the living room onto a huge private balcony. His apartment was a floor up from his parents, who could easily access it with the elevator, but he didn’t mind. It still gave him a little bit of privacy from them.

Putting some little bags onto the glass coffee table, Jimin watched an older woman with a close-cropped haircut and apron tied around her waist, bobbing her head to the music that went through her headphones as she was cleaning Jimin’s kitchen neatly. . He took the little plastic bag and filled it with a few pills, before taking another and did the same routine again. His maid had stopped asking questions a long time ago and Jimin respected her for it.

He hadn’t been at the last races, since Yunyeong made sure that Jimin knew to keep on his side, but something inside of him ached the moment he thought about Yoongi again. When he had gotten his car out of the workshop, Jimin had hoped to see him, but instead it was only Taehyung who presented the newly painted car. It looked amazing. It always did.

“Fuck it,” Jimin sat up and grabbed his leather jacket from the stool and his car keys. He didn’t give a fuck about what Yunyeong said. He could threaten him all day. Jimin knew he was too scared to threaten him for real anyways, at least that’s what Jimin thought. Yunyeong needed Jimin. “I’ll be back late, you don’t need to cook for me, Yejun,” He quickly exclaimed, and the older woman gave him a thumbs up as he was waiting impatiently for the elevator to arrive at his apartment.

…

Yoongi was about to put on his racer gear when he saw him.

Jimin.

He hadn’t expected him to be there as he hadn’t been at the last race either. Yoongi had swallowed down the disappointment he had felt back then, thinking that maybe it had been too much for Jimin after all or the kid had found something else that had piqued his interest. After all he was like what, twenty? Twenty-three? He probably had no structure, no means of work or a passion or anything else that Yoongi had in his life. He could perfectly go without crazily cocky bastards that were sneaking their way into his consciousness every once in a while, thank you very much. But all of this was forgotten the second his eyes met Jimin’s. Who was sucking on a lollipop so explicitly it made Yoongi whistle low under his breath.

“Damn!” It shouldn’t be allowed for him to do that. It looked illegal, the way his lips stretched around the lollipop, the cocky smirk and daring eyes telling the racer that Jimin knew damn well what he was doing there. And even though he knew that it was just a way to get attention or to get someone riled up - it worked damn well! Yoongi licked his lips unconsciously trying to will away the pictures of Jimin working something else with the same cocky smirk, lips stretching out deliciously over…

A hard pat on his shoulder made him jerk and his daydreams burst like a bubble. “There you are!” Hoseok was winking at him, gesturing towards Jimin, “Your new fan is here again. Make sure Jungkook doesn’t see him or it might get ugly. Did I tell you little Kookie got drunk at the last party and tried to get to know everything there is about Jimin? At first, I thought he had a little crush and wanted to know for himself but then he spilled the tea. I think he’s jealous because you let him ride in your car.” Hoseok laughed as if it was the funniest thing ever while Yoongi’s stomach dropped like a stone. He knew how passionate Jungkookie was. If there was brewing something inside of that pretty head of his it could mean trouble. For him and for Tae. And for Jimin. Nonetheless ignoring Jimin wasn’t an option. But did he really want to get involved with Jimin?

He looked over to him and saw him wink. Fuck it! Jimin wasn’t standing with Yunyeong this time so it meant he wasn’t ‘with’ anyone. He jerked his head, waving him over.

Yoongi’s kiss had felt better than anything Jimin had ever felt. The race setting off so much adrenaline within him, it almost felt like they had been flying. That one encounter giving him more than selling stupid little drugs to rich kids could ever give him. Jimin only did it for the kick, not because he was taking any drugs himself. Yunyeong was his dealer, his boss – the one who decided where Jimin would bring the drugs and it felt like an adventure each time. The adrenaline pumping through his veins, making him feel higher than any drug could – but Yoongi. The race. The speed. It had felt differently. Jimin was addicted already. He needed more.

Jimin didn’t think twice, when Yoongi motioned for him to come. He quickly jumped over the barrier and walked over to him with confidence, pushing back his hair with one hand. Coming to a halt right in front Yoongi, he sucked on the lollipop deliciously before a smile placed itself on his lips, “Hey…”

“Hey,” Yoongi didn’t try to hide the fact that he was staring. “So, what are you doing here? I’m not sure if Yunyeong will approve you lingering around here without him. Aren’t you his personal plaything? At least that’s what I heard at the last race when you didn’t show up. They said you’re either there with him - or you stay at home like a good boy.” He was exaggerating a little, but it was just too much fun to tease Jimin to stick to pure facts.

“Then you don’t watch the local news often, huh,” Jimin said, referring to all the party escapades that brought him bad media and his parents were so mad about. He shrugged his shoulder nonchalantly, “Yunyeong doesn’t own me. He’s not my boyfriend, nor am I his plaything.” Jimin bit his lip, seemingly a little nervous – because he wasn’t sure what rumors Yoongi had heard so far. There were quite a bit about him, but most of them were harmless but he wouldn’t be surprised if Yunyeong made sure everyone around knew that Jimin was his.

His plaything. Jimin had been that too often.

“Why do you care so much about me being a good boy,” Jimin sucked on his lollipop, letting his tongue glide over the sweet candy. “I don’t do very well with orders,” He said, a smirk appearing on his lips, “I like to misbehave.”

“Oh, you misunderstood me. I don’t care about you being good, I cared about you being taken. I don’t like to play with toys that already have been claimed. But if it’s true that you’re free then...well…,” He snatched Jimin’s lollipop away from him, putting the sweet candy nonchalantly into his mouth while continuing to put on his gloves to get a better grip on the steering wheel. “Meet me at the finish line and find out? We could party after. You know, unless you won’t be too occupied explaining to Yunyeong why you’ve been cheering for someone else.” He wasn’t really sure if he should believe Jimin. Yunyeong definitely wasn’t the boyfriend type, but the ‘ownership’ type and you could get into a hell of a lot of trouble if you messed with Yunyeong’s crew. But Jimin seemed confident. And Yoongi wouldn’t chicken out of this. He had gotten a taste now he wanted the full meal.

“Sure, make sure to win then,” Jimin leaned in a little closer, a hand on Yoongi’s arm as he steadied himself against him placing a soft kiss onto the other’s cheek, “I don’t really hang with losers.”

Jimin turned around quick, not giving Yoongi a chance to hold him back or kiss him for real. He would need to win and wait to for that. With his arms crossed in front of his chest, Jimin stood at the side of the start and finish line. He licked his lips slowly, his eyes only fixated on Yoongi’s car.

Yoongi liked it, this little push and pull game of theirs. He wasn’t afraid that it could make him lose focus, quite the opposite. Instead of getting distracted from the race it would just make him more determined, setting his mind on an even better price than the money that waited for him at the end. Besides it wasn’t even that big of a competition. Not even Hoseok was driving against him (he had a crash in a little race that he had lost but apart from a few scratches, Hoseok had gotten out safely. Just the car needed a bit more time to ‘recover’).

So Yoongi made quite the show of it, letting the others get close just to use everything he had to flash past him in the last third of the route, jamming on the brakes just when he had crossed the finish line and jerking the wheel so that he came to a halt in a 180 degree turn, facing the others head on sitting in his car and watching how they had to finish the race by driving right or left past his precious baby. The crowd was cheering. He normally wasn't that much of a show off but if it got him what he wanted from Jimin then it would be worth it.

Jimin had no doubt that Yoongi would win again and the people around him probably expected the same. The air filled with loud cheering and Jimin got pushed by the crowds that ran past the barriers and to the drivers. Jimin took slow steps, his eyes glistening from the excitement only being at this race brought him until he stood in front of Yoongi’s car. Just like he had only barely a few weeks ago when Jimin had met Yoongi for the first time.

He came to a halt right next to Yoongi, who was getting the prize money from the self-announced referee of this race. He was the one who collected the entry fee of all racers, making it the prize money in the end. “I hope your win was worth it,” Jimin said a little louder, while the music was already blasting loudly and the people around were in a partying mood, “So…do we stay, or do you prefer private parties?”

Yoongi put the money in his pocket safely, making sure that no one could get to it (it wouldn’t be the first time that someone tried to steal his win but the wasn’t an easy target, neither in a race nor out of his car) before pulling Jimin in by his waist, seemingly to protect him from being pushed and pulled around in the crowd, in all honesty though he did it just to feel Jimin’s body against his again. It had felt way too good last time to not do it again right now. “I prefer private parties,” He answered and, with a fleeting brush of lips against Jimin’s neck he added, “Especially when I’ve got your company now.”

The heat on Jimin’s cheek made him awfully aware of how much this was affecting him. He let Yoongi lead him around his car to get in. When he sat down, he quickly texted his maid to get his own car from the port tomorrow (she had an extra key) and just because Jimin was fond of her, he texted her to keep it over the weekend. Yejun really loved his cars and was always thankful if she could drive around in it for a while. Sometimes she felt more like a mother figure to Jimin, than his own biological mother ever did. He shook himself out of his thoughts, when Yoongi sat down next to him and he quickly shot him a beautiful smile.

Yoongi was driving a lot slower considering his normal racing speed, but still a lot faster than most of the cars around. It was fascinating how much control he had over his own car. Jimin looked over his shoulder, seeing a few cars following them. “Are these your friends? From the workshop?” Jimin asked and Yoongi nodded, telling him that they headed to a friend’s apartment. He would lie if Jimin didn’t say he was a bit nervous. Even though he knew a few of them from the workshop, most of them were still strangers.

Nonetheless, he greeted Taehyung at the door with a big smile, who opened the door and let them in. He looked around the apartment. It was practical. Small but cozy and it definitely had its own personality. Yoongi felt at home at Tae’s just like everyone else. Tae was like the least secluded person he had ever met and welcomed everyone with open arms. Even Jimin, although he gave Yoongi an unreadable look that could be read as something between amusement and straight up laughing at him because of his own stupidity to get involved with the kid. Apropos, Yoongi’s stomach dropped when he remembered something and so he held Jimin back before the other could get himself something to drink. “Wait, how old are you? I don’t want my friend to get in trouble for this,” He motioned towards the alcohol. But what he also meant was ‘I don't want to get in trouble for fucking you in case you’re not of age’ which he was pretty sure Jimin was but better safe than sorry.

“You’re cute,” Jimin chuckled, “I’m twenty-two, so don’t worry.” He took one of the beers that Taehyung was offering him and sat down on the couch right next to Yoongi, who was spreading himself out on it, one arm wrapped around him. Jimin didn’t mind, he liked the possessive behavior. Yoongi did it half because he simply like the feeling of his arm around Jimin and half because he liked the looks that the others gave him. He liked to give off that ‘yeah, just you look. I’m flirting with this hot guy openly and there’s nothing you can do about it’ kind of vibe.

Taking a sip from his beer, Taehyung sat down on the other side of him and introduced everyone, while Jimin let his gaze wander over their faces.

“That’s Jin and Hoseok, they are also racing but work as mechanics as well. They are pretty good so if you ever need to repair one of your cars....,” He explained and then pointed to a taller man, who was trying to clean off the mess he just made, as he had spilled some beer over the floor, “That’s Namjoon… he’s doing the accounting at the workshop and just helps us out whenever and then there’s Jungkook and I, who you already know.” Jimin nodded at the people around, feeling a bit intimidated. It was obvious they had a close bond and he was the new one in this. Putting his hand onto Yoongi’s thigh, he shifted a bit closer.

Yoongi leaned into Jimin a little, “Stay away from Namjoon when he’s drunk and has anything in hand that contains liquid. It’s like a physical law that he’s going to spill it over you if you let him. But if he’s safely seated with no safety hazards within his reach then he’s the smartest person I know.” He lingered a bit too long close to Jimin’s ear, his hot breath fanning across the others neck. Damn, if his friends hadn’t been around like that he would have just given in to his desires and kissed down Jimin’s neck right then and there.

Turning his head, Jimin looked at Yoongi with a cheeky smile, “I’ll keep that in mind.” Yoongi’s victory celebration had only just begun, but it didn’t take long for the boys to start playing a drinking game. Jimin was quite steadfast with drinking, so he could keep up well. The music was blasting loudly and then even more people came, that apparently Hoseok had called. So Jimin found himself pushing through the people that stood in the hallway, coming back from the bathroom at some time that night. He was looking for Yoongi again, but couldn’t find him, so he stumbled into the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. Just then Jungkook turned around and headed for the hallway when suddenly he ran right into the other.

“Watch it!” His drink spilled everywhere, but he wasn’t really sure if it was because he had been running into someone or because he was so wobbly on his feet. Yoongi had been with Jimin all night, sitting and talking and flirting and it hurt. What could Jimin give him that Jungkook hadn’t besides the obvious? He was rich. But Yoongi was better than that. He wouldn’t be after Jimin because of that. So, what was it? His lips? His confidence? His kisses? He had drowned his thoughts in alcohol until his mind was fuzzy but even then, he couldn’t escape him. He chuckled when he saw whom he had ran into. “Ah, there you are! Leaving Yoongi all alone for a second, hm?” He threw his arm around Jimin’s shoulders as if they were old friends.

Jimin’s cheeks blushed and he bit his lip. “You’re Jungkook right? You always do these amazing designs on my cars,” Jimin slurred a little, but happy that Jungkook was seemingly friendly to him. He felt like he fitted right into Yoongi’s group of people. Jungkook was the only one he hadn’t talked to in private, yet. “Did you see where he is?” Jimin asked and looked over his shoulder, “He’s definitely not where I left him.”

“Yeah, that’s me. Always painting. Never part of the action,” He chuckled again, almost choking on it and coughing a little awkwardly. “Oh, you should have kept an eye on him. Next thing you know he exchanged you for some hot rich kid that ran in front of his - damn, but that’s you. Sorry, I’m a bit messed up tonight.” He turned Jimin’s head towards him and kissed him, deep and messy. When they broke apart he furrowed his brows, mumbling to himself, “Hm, you’re good but not that good. Guess not everything’s lost here…” Jimin had been stiff under Jungkook’s touch the second the younger had leaned in, while trying to push him away on his chest.

“The fuck…do you think you’re doing?” Jimin asked and wiped his mouth, “Do you always just push yourself onto people? Don’t ever do that again!” He broke away from Jungkook, feeling confused about his intentions. Why did he kiss him? And why did he talk about Yoongi like that? Jungkook had left, just as quickly as he had stumbled into Jimin’s way he got out of his sight, with a smile on his lips and hope in his heart.

Jimin turned and continued his search through the crowd, but he couldn’t find the other. He was just about to call it a night and just go home, when he saw him. The door to Jungkook’s bedroom was ajar and there he sat, drinking his beer in deep thought. Jimin opened it slowly, asking if Yoongi was all right.

Yoongi on the other hand was feeling the drop a little, it could happen when the body had used up all the adrenalin that one got sleepy and thoughtful. So, he had grabbed a beer and retreated into the very first room. Jungkook’s of all places. He nodded silently, sipping on his beer and motioning for Jimin to come in. Jimin sat down right next to Yoongi on the bed, reaching out for the beer and took it from him to sip on it. Jimin wasn’t sure if he should tell Yoongi about Jungkook at first, but then he just didn’t care. He wasn’t his boyfriend and Jimin was just too curious to know what the fuck was wrong with that little boy and if Yoongi might even get jealous. So, he told him.

“He just kissed me, saying something about ‘how this couldn’t be the reason why’ and then I pushed him off,” Jimin raked through his hair, letting himself fall back and steadying himself onto his elbows, “Is he always this weird? And kissing strangers at a party?”

Yoongi sighed deeply. “Please don’t be mad at him. He’s a sweet boy. He just sometimes gets a little crazy when he’s drunk. I guess that’s what all artists have in common. You’ve seen his work, haven’t you? He’s golden, they all say that. But he’s lonely. He has Tae, sort of. They’re friends, but...I guess he’s just really looking for someone to love him through all his ups and downs. I slept with him, once. Probably shouldn’t have done that. But look at him, he’s gorgeous, so much beauty, so many talents wrapped up in that muscular body with those deep, dark, doe-like eyes on top. He’s incredible, really,” He smirked when he noticed how Jimin’s expression changed the longer he talked about Jungkook. He patted Jimin’s cheek sympathetically. “Aww but don’t worry. Jungkook and I aren’t a thing. We never were, and we never will be. So, you don’t have to compete with him.”

Jimin raised an eyebrow at that, grabbing Yoongi’s beer he put it aside and quickly grabbed his by his collar to pull him over him. “Good, because I don’t like to get my hands dirty,” Jimin mumbled against the other’s lips before kissing him deeply right away. The alcohol in Jimin’s veins made him more fearless, the forbidden taste of Yoongi’s lips was so sweet and he got addicted to it right away. He opened his legs a little, so Yoongi could crawl in between, hovering over him.

“Oh, I like where this is going…,” Yoongi combed his fingers through Jimin’s silky hair, pulling the youngers head back to bare his throat so that he could nip on the tender flesh whenever his mouth was free from Jimin’s heavenly lips, which thankfully wasn’t that often. Jimin bruised easily and Yoongi smirked into his skin, the possessive side of him coming alive with every little breathy moan Jimin made under him.

Jimin moaned softly, holding onto Yoongi tight, when he was licking over the blooming bruise on his neck. He let his hands wander down Yoongi’s chest and under his shirt quick, pulling him closer on his own body. Arching his back into the other’s embrace, Jimin was going pliant under Yoongi’s touch. Every brush of his fingertips against his skin, sent a rush through his veins and he was dwelling in the attention.

Jungkook finally got back to his room to change the shirt, that he had spilled his drink on when he had run into Jimin, when he heard some noise. He groaned in annoyance, every time he forgot to lock his room when they were having a party at their place there was someone trying to make out on his bed! Couldn’t they use the couch or something.

He opened the door, about to yell at whoever was sitting there to get the fuck out when the words stayed stuck in his throat. His chest clenched painfully at what he saw. It must have only been the fraction of a second before he turned around, hiding back in the shadow of the hallway but it was enough to be forever etched in his mind.

Yoongi half on top of Jimin, his hands pushing up the youngers shirt to touch the soft skin underneath, Jimin with his eyes closed, so blissful and pliant that there was no way they had just started this. They had been making out for a while. In his bed. Where he dreamt of Yoongi holding him again. Kissing him - like he was kissing Jimin now. He tasted salt on his lips but refused to acknowledge it. No one walked over him like that. Jungkook quickly pulled himself together and took out his phone, his voice wavering but his words were sharp and full of disdain. It didn’t take long for Yunyeong to pick up, he probably hadn’t even slept yet.

“I thought you might be interested in knowing that your slutty little friend is happily lying under Min Yoongi at the moment. I don’t know about you, but I would be worried about my expertise if my followers would prefer to get fucked by my enemies. How about you remind him where his place is before rumors spread?” Then his courage left him, and he ended the call, his heart pounding heavily in his chest, the ache permeating each and every one of his breaths.

Jimin was giggling underneath Yoongi, loving the sweet caresses mix with his possessive behavior as he pulled him closer on him. The sudden sound and vibration of his phone made Jimin break away from Yoongi’s lips though, but the other didn’t stop. Yoongi took it as an invitation to kiss further down his neck and then lift his shirt, to kiss him right there. Jimin was squirming, but not because of the touch but because of the message he just got.

He suddenly pushed Yoongi off him and stood up, wavering a little from the alcohol that made him dizzy. “I…I need to go,” Jimin stuttered, “I’m sorry, I’ll call you…or something.” Yoongi could see the panic in Jimin’s eyes, the same expression that he had that night of their first encounter. Jimin ran out of the room before Yoongi could say something, not caring about his expensive jacket that was lying somewhere in the apartment. “Jimin!” Yoongi tried to hold the younger back but he wasn’t fast enough, Jimin was on his feet already when Yoongi was still trying to figure out what exactly was happening right now.

Stumbling along, Jimin opened the main door, running downstairs and almost falling over the last two steps. He needed to get out and home. Preferably fast. But he couldn’t drive. Yoongi had brought him here and there was no way anyone was capable of driving with how drunk they were. So, he ran. As fast as he could until he saw a taxi from a far and waved for it to stop and bring him home.

Yoongi’s lips still tingled from their last kiss, he still felt warm where Jimin’s hands had been. But the boy himself was gone, running off like someone was after him. And Yoongi couldn’t even message him to check if he was okay. Or call him at home. Because he neither had his phone number nor any idea were Jimin lived. “Damn!” Yoongi cursed, Daegu accent slurring his words together as he took the cushion and threw it against the wall.

Jungkook was leaning against the doorframe of his room, as he watched Yoongi with a sweet smile. “Is everything okay with Jimin? Did you guys fight?” Jungkook asked curiously and walked in, closing the door behind him. He took the cushion and placed it back onto the bed. “You look tired, Yoongi,” He stepped in front of him, using the space between his spread legs to get really close, “You can stay here and just sleep in my bed. I don’t mind.” But Yoongi shook his head. “It’s fine, don’t worry. And I’m going to sleep somewhere else. You’re drunk Kookie. Let’s get you into bed before you kiss any more strangers, hm?” The smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, but it was unfair to take it out on Jungkook, so he brushed his fingers through the youngers hair in a brotherly gesture, moving away from their position before it would get awkward.

…

Jimin had paid the taxi driver and quickly got out of the car, when he saw him already waiting in front of the entrance to his apartment. Yunyeong. A cold shiver ran down Jimin’s spine and he hesitantly walked over to him.

Yunyeong leaned against the wall as if they had just decided to meet for coffee. “So, there you are. I wondered what you’ve been up to. But, you know, a little birdy told me a few things here and there. How about we go inside and have a nice little chat?” Before Jimin could answer there were another two of Yunyeong’s men coming in from the side, taking Jimin in between them so that there was no way he could escape.

A/N: Another update! And it’s getting interesting ;) What do you think will happen next? Why’s Yunyeong there? What will happen? Who knows! Well....we do ;) Next update will come online on monday! Thank you for reading! ❤❤❤

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valkirsif · 6 years

Text

Unthinkable CH 14/???

Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Word: 3300

Warning: Nothing

The woman followed him with her eyes from the window, to stay was a big mistake she knew that the following day would be terrible but at that moment she was lost in watching Tom going to the set with his graceful and regal step in the stage costume and did not mind anything else, sighed and lay down on the sofa, zapping on the TV just to pass the time did not know what time Tom would come back, the cell phone ringing at her side

"Hey," she smiled gratefully for the call

"Disturb?" Rice's voice calm and relaxed calmed the anxiety at the moment,

"You never trouble Lucifer, sorry for today..." replied almost guilty of having lost the day of shopping with them,

"Excuse me for being blown out, i would never have said it but i think i'm jealous of Chris"

Y/N took a moment to savor that confession, "Bad feeling true to be on the other side?!" it was usually she jealous and possessive, "Now you understand how i felt sometimes" laughed victorious,

"Yeah..your life is hell," Rice laughed back, "I wanted to know if you're well, i know you thought i had, having, screwed not saying anything but now we know you, we left space but we are really worried, the others more than me since they have no idea who stole your heart.." he said seriously, the woman sat up and shrugged even though it was not time for "that" discussion would have made that her family was not too worried about her,

"I did not want to lie to anyone you know but i did not know how to say it, even i just understood so i'm on the high seas, i know i should have come back but when it happened to you if Jeanpierre asked you to have dinner together you would have done the same thing , and we would have picked up the pieces the next day.." Y/N realized that talking on the phone was easier, no one would have embraced her by breaking up, for now she could discuss without problems, "Honestly for now i'm fine, i would be lying if i said i'm not happy to spend the evening with him, tomorrow i'll pay the consequences for sure but now i'm just excited" she laughed to lighten the conversation,

"I imagine, talking about serious things we saw a pair of perfect clothes for the bridesmaids, tomorrow you have to try them so the guys decide" began Rice, "One is very similar to that of Pnina who took as an idea, long cream until feet with blue and purple flowers and a long ribbon on the back, i'm sure you'll be fine"

"Already for the fact that it is long and does not have to wear heels i approve" Y/N imagined the entrance of her and the other two bridesmaids with the bouquet in hand and the flowers in her hair, "I can not wait for you to arrive on their wedding day i'm so happy for them"

"We're all in seventh heaven that's why he got sick this morning when you gave us a hole, you would have done well in the city but quiet we have fantastic plans for the last days, now i leave you so you can pretend to relax, see you tomorrow morning he will tell me when i have to send the car to get you."

"Ok Rice..and thank you for understanding, see you tomorrow" Y/N closed the call, looked around and decided to prepare the cake, took the card from the guest who had provided and left the camper to head to the canteen .

Wronged a couple of times and asked directions to a group of technicians who were carrying what looked like a huge piece of mountain,

"You have to turn left where there is that camper and then you can not be wrong," the man replied gently,

"Thank you very much and sorry for the trouble" Y/N smiled saluting and took the road that had been suggested, walked calmly looking around for about ten minutes, the contrast between the quiet green woods and the chaos of the set was palpable, arrived at the table knocked at the first camper he saw

"Good morning, may i help you?" a kitchen assistant asked opening the door,

"I hope so," Y/N answered smiling, "I'm a guest of Mr. Hiddleston, i wanted to prepare a cake for tonight but there's nothing in the camper, can i steal a baking pan and the ingredients to you?" he motioned for her to enter, the woman followed him and stood in a corner so as not to disturb the staff intent on preparing dinner,

"Wait here a minute," he said, turning and attracting the attention of what the head chef looked like,

"My second mentioned your request to me Miss?" asked, stretching out his hand,

"Excuse me, Y/N pleasure" she stretched out hand and tightened the chef's, "I'm a guest of Mr. Hiddleston, can i steal a couple of things to make a cake?" smiled hoping to get what she needed, the chef thought about it and called one of the aids,

"Headset and apron for Miss Y/N and help with what she need" the man turned to her, "Nothing could come out of here, for obvious reasons of hygiene, but can cook her cake and take it away if the it's nice" Y/N was happy to be able to cooking in a field kitchen like that and thanking him, "Grant Miss" the help passed her a uniform, "I am Cameron pleased, if you want to follow me and tell me what you need", the woman nodded and the two headed in the area where they were preparing sweets, "Last week we had the pleasure of helping Susan Downey, the kitchens of the campers are not very equipped having free access to the cafeteria 24/7",

"I was amazed to have found something in the fridge for dinner" Y/N laugh, "Let's see i need eggs then butter and dark chocolate in equal doses, a little flour and sugar and a pan," she said putting a bain-marie pot on the stove, "A bowl to melt chocolate and butter and a whisk" asked not to put her hands in the furniture and look for himself, Cameron immediately started moving, passed a bowl large enough to stand on the pot and whisk, recovered the ingredients and waited for Y/N say what to do, "I turn on the oven, 180 degrees is fine?" asked the man holding out the buttered pan,

"180 is fine thank you" she replied by cleaning the flour from the nose, "If do not ask too much would you make a raspberry and lime culis?"

“No problem Miss, can i ask what sweet is you preparing?" Cameron moved quickly taking the raspberries and putting them on the fire along with sugar and rum,

"It's a typical cake of my area, it's called Tenerina, my family loves it and also Thomas likes a lot", she put the chocolate to melt with the butter stirring occasionally, "It's a very simple recipe, a kind of brownie but more compact and you should not exaggerate in eating it" laughed thinking about when she had prepared for their arrival,

"It seems almost a French dessert for the amount of butter" Cameron laughed in turn passing in a fine strainer the culis now ready and placing it in a bottle with the service cap, "This is ready, i can be useful in other mode Miss?"

"I would say no thanks, i just have to mix the ingredients and bake" she replied beating the eggs and joining the rest of the mixture with the flour, passed the pan to help and waited cooking, "I do not know this type of oven, in the oven of the house as soon as the crust is cracked, take it off "

"Can i bring you a coffee while you wait?" asked the gentle man

"I gladly take it" Y/N smiled and checked the cake, the professional ovens were very different from her oven of home did not want to burn the cake or cook it too, Cameron returned with coffee and handed a cup of coffee, it was very good a real Italian coffee was amazed,

"I hope it is not too strong for her, the barista is Italian and does not conceive something different from this"

"It's perfect, i'm Italian too i'm not too strong for me" she smiled finishing the coffee and checked the cake, it was ready and the smell spread throughout the kitchen, she was helped to churn out, took off uniform who had lent it and gave it to Cameron,

"Thank you very much for your help and availability" she said coming out with his precious cargo and returning to the camper.

Y/N looked at herself in the mirror, had scattered flour a little everywhere, went into room and open the drawers until you find the towels took one and opened the water in the shower had plenty of time to cool off, set and warm up the dinner before the man returned, just before a secretary had knocked to warn her that the shooting would have ended within an hour, the hot water took away with her the anxiety along with the flour, had absolutely to be quiet and behave as a friend, came out of the shower put a towel on her head took the backpack and looked at the t-shirt of the day before was presentable, it was the same that had used to fight with Chris, could not wear it was full of grass even if it would have been an evening with friends wanted to present well, decided to take a loan opened a drawer and put on an old Tom's t-shirt, went back into the kitchen and turned on the oven to heat the dinner, set the table, was tempted to even put the candles but restrained, was in the bathroom to settle her hair still wet when heard open the door,

"Darling where did you hide?" Tom's voice cheerful as always, Y/N joined him in the room "Welcome back Thomas" she said heading to the kitchen, "Take a shower in 10 minutes and ready" "I really need it, but first.." he followed her into the kitchen and hugged with love kissing her head, the woman laughed nervously, almost uncomfortable, turned and put her arms around the man's neck got up on the tips and gave him a kiss on the neck,

"It's nice to come home and find someone to hug," he whispered in her ear, "You keep me company in the shower?"

"I just made it and we do not want the dinner to burn true?!" warmed up melting embrace, Tom smiled at her before going to the bathroom, Y/N leaned against the piece of furniture with her heart beating wildly did not understand the reason for that invitation, she did not think that he was the kind of man who betrays unless..unless the photo was not his girlfriend but only a friend, shook her head to drive that thought the photos were eloquent, Tom and the stranger seemed happy and in love, the trill of the oven brought her back to the reality, opened to check if the chicken had heated up and put the grill to make it brown, closed the door took the culis out of the fridge to go at room temperature and put the cake on the table, shortly after Tom reappeared in the room with hair still wet and wearing only a pair of sweatpants, Y/N there was no air,

"Here i am darling, i feel much better" he smiled and sit at the table, "OMG did you make the tender?" eyes bright as a child, "Where did you find the ingredients??"

"It's called Tenerina not tender Thomas and i went to the kitchen to make it, they were very kind to help me" Y/N laughed putting the cake on the table,

"Wait something is missing" the man stood up and took a bottle of wine from the sideboard, "A friend sent it to me i would say it's a good excuse to open it..", Y/N saw signs on Tom's back,

"What did you do to your back?"

“Straps for acrobatics, must be tight because they do not slip," he replied quietly, "These days i destroy i do not love the harnesses" poured the wine to the woman and toasted,

"After dinner i'll massage if you want" Y/N tried to use a tone as neutral as possible,

"I accept without protesting darling.." he laughed filling her glass again, they dined chatting, Tom was curious to know all about the wedding, “..how come Skopelos if i can ask?" take other portion of chicken,

"Well we are ABBA fans it was obvious that they would choose the location of Mama mia to marry" Y/N was happy and relaxed, thanks to the company but especially the wine, "Mr. Hiddleston if i did not know i would think that it is trying to get me drunk" said accusatory

"I would never allow such rudeness darling" the voice full of innocence, burst out laughing, the woman took off the dinner plates and took the culis to decorate the cake, back to the table did not find the sweet and Tom,

"You have kidnapped the cake??" she said aloud moving to the room, Tom had put hiself comfortable on the couch, feet on the table with the cake plate in hand and two forks,

"You're sorry if the eat here i'm really tired" moved to make room, Y/N sat at his side passing the bottle to the man and taking the fork that was holding out,

"That t-shirt is fine, the V-neck gives you" he said mischievously approaching her, as other times when they were comfortable Y/N pulled up her legs and leaned against Tom's chest,

"Sorry if i rummaged in the drawers but the one i was wearing yesterday was full of grass" the woman changed the subject, "Hey wait to devour the cake i made the raspberry sauce!" laughed while the man was sinking his fork in the dessert,

"Among the many things your holiday is one of those that i missed most.." said passing the plate because it could garnish the sweet, Y/N leaned on the table, cut the cake and decorated the slices with delicate lines, "..you..bhè i missed you so much.." whispered brushing her back with his fingers, the woman's hand trembled

"I missed you too" replied, putting the cake in the man's hand, she wanted to throw arms around his neck and tell him that she loved him, that the last days had been hell when he understood what she felt, she wanted to hold him and kiss him, "I always miss friends when i do not have them near" lied with a smile on her lips.

Good part of the cake disappeared in a moment, Tom stood up to look for something to watch among the few dvd's he had with him, turned on the player and tv and came back on the couch, Y/N was in the bathroom ap make the cream for massages and when he returned to the room she found Tom already in position,

"What do we look at Thomas?" she asked astride the man's back rubbing her hands to warm them before touching him,

"An old movie, Willow, do you know him?" he answered by pressing play and getting comfortable waiting for the massage,

"Oh dwarfs, witches, a little princess in danger and a great love story between the daughter of the bad and the fearless knight?? I heard about it" she laughed, beginning to manipulate the shoulders of the man who relaxed in a few minutes,

"It's one of the movies that i loved most as a child" Tom laughed "I watched him every year with my sisters, even now when we are able to be together we look at it is a sort of tradition, we recreate the most beautiful scenes for Sarah's children", the woman listened to him smiling, imagined Tom with the sisters in the mother's house while they drink hot chocolate and played with the children, the man who rolls on the carpet attacked by his nephews and while he chases them around the house making the ogre and they run away laughing, it was easy for her to see him in the role of the sympathetic and caring uncle, even easier to see him as a father in the future, was about to speak when realized that Tom had fallen asleep, put more cream on her hands and finished the massage, stood up, careful not to wake him and covered, a blanket for herself and moved to the bottom of the sofa, snuggling and finishing watching the film, did not want to make noise then just zapped trying to watch TV but her eyes went continuously to the man who was sleeping peacefully next to her.

He woke up from the nap after a couple of hours,

"How much did i sleep?" asked, his voice still sleepy, "Why did not you wake me up?"

"You were destroyed i did not want to bother you, you just took a nap," Y/N said. going to the kitchen, "It's left of the cake if you want to have a snack",

"I vices darling but i can not refuse the sweet" laughed the man, they finished the last slices of cake and Tom proposed to go to bed, they were almost 2 and at 9 o'clock you would be had to get up,

"I have booked the return for you at 10, if you do not change your mind and decide to stay here with me a few days" added the man moving clothes from the bed,

"I have to go back tomorrow there are a lot of things to be defined for the ceremony before going home, i can not stay at Rice forever" Y/N laughed, getting into bed, she was nervous about being so close to Tom and spending the night together even though she realized that 'man had in no way tried to kiss her or anything, excluding the invitation in the shower, just turned off the light Tom came up by running a hand on her side and lifting t-shirt, Y/N felt the breath of man on her neck before kissed her, felt the trail of fire that the man's fingers left on her skin as they climbed toward her breasts, if turned her eyes would be trapped by those of Tom and would do anything for those eyes, she stiffened struggling to resist that impulse, the man noticed and stopped, moved her hair from ear "Darling?" whispered forbidden "What's up?", Y/N turned and leaned against his chest,

"Thomas.." she whispered in turn, "sorry..but not..i can not,"

"It's all right, as i told you after the party i do not want you to do anything you do not want" he hugged her to kiss head and fell asleep, Y/N spent the night almost sleepless with her body burning and heart broken.

She woke up hearing a knock on the door, got up half asleep to go open, "How strange the door is locked" she thought, snapping the lock and opening the door, an intern gave her a good day,

"Miss Y/N the car will pick up in 1 hour and Mister Hiddleston sends this" said delivering a ticket, the woman thanked him by closing the door behind her and going into the kitchen , she was very tired and depressed made coffee and sat down by opening the envelope

§Darling came out soon, sorry if i did not say goodbye but you slept so well i did not want to bother you ..i will miss TWH§, tried not to think about the night just passed and took a shower before going out, did not want to collapse before being home with her family, took her backpack and closed the door behind her, the car was waiting to take her to the heliport, the journey to Rice's house seemed eternal she entered the house and followed the laughter of the others to the kitchen , they were having breakfast, they warmly welcomed her. Rice had shared what was happening to her and everyone got around, Y/N smiled at her strange family before bursting into tears.

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imagineproduce101 · 6 years

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Jung Sewoon Mafia AU

tysm to @ohkaypopthis as usual coming thru with the amazing a1 plot ideas wow what a legend

*the actual fic is under the read more bc it’s long as hell and i’m not tryna spam people on any of the tags yikes

you gasped, trying to catch your breath momentarily before hurtling yourself off of the building’s roof, landing hard in an open garbage dumpster, the bags just barely breaking your fall

“(y/n)-ssi,” jung sewoon, a high-up member of the 101, your own group’s absolute rival, called from the top of the building, staring down at you with cold brown eyes, “i just want to talk with you, i’m not going to hurt you.”

“bullshit,” you muttered, clambering out of the dumpster

you hadn’t trust jung sewoon’s charming voice and easy smiles when he’d first approached you inside the convenience store where you worked part-time, and you still didn’t trust him now

“(y/n), this is your last warning,” sewoon’s velvety voice said, a tinge of something much harsher in it, “stop running away and talk with me. i can get you out of SVT.”

you just groaned and hopped down from the dumpster, wincing in pain

your body already hurt, and so all the physical activity wasn’t really helping matters

“Fine.”

you glanced up in shock at the total 180 sewoon’s voice had taken, hard, steely and calculated

“taehyun, go.”

there was a loud bang, and you let out a scream as something grazed your arm, adrenaline immediately thrumming through your body

“you fucking shot me?” you yelled furiously, feeling your head start to spin

“I told you, that was your last warning.”

the last thing you heard before you blacked out was that voice, gripping your consciousness with a cold iron grasp

the first thing that you noticed when you finally came to was how fuzzy your head and mouth seemed

“how are you feeling?

that familiar velvety voice pierced through the hazy fog in your mind, and your eyes fluttered open

you were in a hospital room, a few men staring at you

one of them was obviously a doctor, and one of them was jung sewoon

“you just can’t leave me alone, can you?” you managed to croak out despite your incredibly dry throat

sewoon just chuckled and handed you a water bottle after opening it swiftly

“we have a proposal for you.”

you eyed sewoon suspiciously after you’d taken a few sips

“who exactly is ‘we’ and what kind of proposal are we talking?”

sewoon sighed, glancing at the doctor, who frowned

“fine, i’ll take the hint,” the doctor grumbled, shuffling out of the room

“thanks, gunhee,” the other guy accompanying sewoon chirped, before bursting out into giggles

sewoon just sighed and grabbed a folder, handing it over to you

“i can’t move my right arm, dumbass,” you snapped, glaring at the reason why your arm was covered in bandages

sewoon just smiled at you and opened the folder, showing you the files inside

it was full of intel on you-- your family, how SVT had blackmailed you into joining and how you struggled to even barely support your family

“(y/n), you need help,” sewoon said firmly, levelling you with a stare

you looked back at him defiantly, not wanting to admit that yes, you did need something, anything, to get out of SVT

“SVT uses you as a pawn, nothing more,” sewoon continued, pulling up a chair next to your bed

you tried to ignore the heat that was taking over your cheeks, glancing down at the papers in sewoon’s hand to avoid his intense stare

“the 101 can help you, (y/n),” sewoon continued, “we’ve seen your abilities so far-- your talents are wasted on these low-level missions that SVT has been assigning you, and they’re far too risky for you.”

“so what are you proposing, mr. confident?” you retorted

sewoon leaned back in his chair, satisfied knowing that he’d already won half the battle

“stay in SVT for now,” he said, “i’ll check in with you frequently, and you’ll inform us about what jobs they are taking on, their focuses and such. when the time is right, we’ll transfer you to a 101 division that keeps you out of the path with SVT. we’ll also have a few members watch your family, keeping tabs and making sure that they’re safe.”

you considered his proposal, flipping through the papers that sewoon had handed you

it was an enticing proposal, but in all honesty, you were scared, not for yourself, but for your family

“(y/n), I’m fairly powerful in the 101,” sewoon’s velvety voice interrupted your musing, “I can arrange for some our best members to watch your family. they’ll be safe.”

you looked up at him sharply, a bit perturbed by how well he was able to tell what you were thinking

“fine,” you nodded, handing the papers back to sewoon, “let’s do this.”

working with sewoon wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be

you were definitely nervous about being caught, but sewoon only checked in with you once every two weeks, and was cautious about it

other than that, you continued on your usual svt tasks, while collecting information about jobs, new recruits and plans to sewoon, who passed it on to the other members of the 101

the check-ins became somewhat of a welcome routine

sewoon would always ask how you were doing, and bring you your favorite ice-cream if he knew you were having a particularly bad week

the two of you developed something akin to a friendship, the two of you sitting at your dining room table, chatting about whatever

it was during those late nights that you started noticing just how charming sewoon’s smile was, and just how soothing his presence was

you didn’t want to admit it, to yourself or to anyone else, but you were slowly falling for sewoon

you knew it was a dangerous path to go down, especially since you weren’t completely free from svt

however, you did your best to ignore your feelings and focus on the job instead

one night, you received a rather cryptic text message, asking you to sneak into seungcheol’s office and to steal a flashdrive

you were able to deduce that it was sewoon, and you quickly mapped out your plan in your mind

as quietly as you could, you snuck into seungcheol’s office, carefully easing the door open

you knew exactly where the flashdrive would be-- in the second drawer of his desk

stealthily, you made your way to the desk, taking extra care to slowly open the drawer

“well, well, well, (y/n).”

you whirled around as the lights flickered on, revealing seungcheol standing in the doorway to his office, a raised handgun pointing at you

“s-seungcheol-ssi,” you managed to stammer out, hand instantly going to where you kept your own gun

“don’t even try,” your boss replied, lip curling up in disdain

he gestured, and two other members of svt appeared behind him, one of them roughly grabbing your wrists and tying them up with a thick piece of rope

you struggled momentarily, panicking at the thought of what might happen, but you were restrained before you were really able to resist

a blindfold was pulled over your eyes, and you felt something-- possibly duck tape-- being wrapped around your ankles

someone picked you up unceremoniously, prompting another wave of muffled screeches and squirming about

“now, now, (y/n), hold still,” you heard seungcheol croon, before someone petted your hair gently, “after all, we have a certain ritual for those who betray us, don’t we?”

you squirmed even more at that, knowing exactly what that ritual entailed, and it wasn’t pretty

you felt yourself being set down on another seat, presumably in a car, if the sounds and smells were any indicator

as you tried to get your hands free, a thought passed through your mind-- what if this was the night that you died?

“head for the pier, mingyu, the pier,” you heard seungcheol growl from next to you

the command made you think of something--your cellphone

in a stroke of laziness, you’d programmed it to respond when you said “hey, phone”, and then you’d be able to ask it to do whatever you wanted

“hey, phone,” you blurted out, smiling when you felt your phone vibrate in your back pocket

“what was that?” seungcheol snapped

“I said, you should call jung sewoon. this is his mess, not mine,” you replied, hoping that your phone picked up the “call jung sewoon”

sure enough, your phone vibrated again, followed by a second vibration to signify that he’d picked up

“like hell I’m calling jung sewoon, what am I, an idiot?” seungcheol growled out

“I dunno, Seungcheol,” you said, thinking quickly, “you said you were taking me to the pier, right? Hasn’t the 101 beat you in a shoot-out there before? It’s like, 101 turf now, so won’t you be starting shit?”

“Shut up, (y/n)’

you fell silent again, hoping that sewoon had gotten the message-- and that he even cared enough to do anything about it

a few minutes passed, and the initial nervousness of the whole situation turned into a weird passive panicking emotion that you were unfamiliar with

when you felt the car stop, you felt your heart race a bit more, knowing what was to come

maybe this really was the end, you thought to yourself

in one swift motion, seungcheol yanked the blindfold off of you, and you blinked your eyes a few times to get accustomed to the bright light

“get out of the car,” seungcheol said roughly, yanking you up

you stumbled to follow him, barely able to walk due to the restraints on your feet

“see this?” seungcheol asked, shoving you forward over the edge of the pier, so that all that was keeping you from falling was his tight grip on your shoulders, “this is where the rats who don’t understand loyalty end up. like you.”

“choi seungcheol,” you heard a cold, steely, familiar voice

both you and seungcheol turned around at the same time, and you gasped, meeting the gaze of those familiar cold brown eyes

sewoon stood at the beginning of the pier, a few others from the 101 flanking him

“give (y/n) up, and we can settle a deal,” sewoon said sternly, eyes darting from you to seungcheol and back

seungcheol smirked at sewoon and the others from the 101, tilting his head back slightly

you felt your heart race even faster, recognizing the sinister, pure evil expression on his face

“jung sewoon, did you really think that you would get the best of me?”

“let (y/n) go, you bastard,” sewoon growled, lunging forward

in one swift motion, seungcheol shoved you over the side of the pier, and you screamed in horror as the icy cold water hit you

I’m going to die, I’m going to die, I’m going to die, was all that you could think as you thrashed around in the cold water, feeling your lungs burn from the lack of oxygen

then suddenly, there was warmth against your neck, your back as you were yanked upwards, and oxygen flooded your lungs again as you gasped for breath

“(y/n)!” sewoon’s rough voice entered your ear, harried and panicked. “are you okay?”

his hands quickly went to undo your gag before undoing your hands and feet, allowing you to tread water

you were exhausted, and it took all your energy just to cling to sewoon as he began swimming towards the shore

the exhaustion from the night made you hazy as sewoon helped you stumble onto shore, weighed down by your wet clothes

“they ran off when they saw we had backups, boss,” another member of the 101 ran up to you and sewoon, panting heavily

sewoon nodded, accepting the large jacket from him and draping it over your shoulders

you were trembling, your teeth chattering from the cold of the frigid water

“(y/n), are you okay?” he asked quietly, voice now a warm, soothing tone

his eyes pierced into yours, a much softer coffee now

you nodded mutely, tears pricking at your eyes as the memories of the night rushed back to you

sewoon stared at you for a moment before pulling you into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around you

you rested your head on his chest, tears streaming down your cheeks, and he rubbed your back comfortingly

“(y/n), i’m so, so sorry about tonight,” he said quietly, his voice a quiet rumble, “i didn’t think about the implications of that flashdrive, and if i could go back in time and change my decision, i would. i care about you so much, and i’m sorry to have put you in harms’ way.”

you felt him press a tentative kiss to the top of your head, drawing the dry jacket closer around your shoulders

you pulled away from him, hastily wiping your tears before looking up at the taller man

you’d always been one for impulsive decisions, and this certainly wasn’t an exception, you thought to yourself as you leaned up to kiss sewoon on the lips

he gently brought a hand to your waist, holding you closely, as though he was afraid of breaking you

and as the two of you stood there, freezing cold from the icy water, you felt a new kind of warmth spreading to the tips of your fingers and toes

if this wasn’t cohesive/didn’t flow well, it’s because it didn’t; i wrote it in like three different chunks over a four month period yiiiikes

#produce 101 #produce 101 imagine #produce 101 scenario #produce 101 fanfiction #produce 101 oneshot #jung sewoon #jung sewoon imagine #jung sewoon scenario #jung sewoon oneshot #jung sewoon fanfiction

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quiltdeer52-blog · 5 years

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Cranberry Bliss Bars

Tis’ the season for Cranberry Bliss Bars! So first of all let me preface this blog post by mentioning that I could house an entire box of Starbucks Cranberry Bliss Bars to myself. In one sitting. They are one of my all-time favorites. So I decided to make a gluten-free, grain-free, copycat version because why the hell not?! It’s Christmas!

Okay so another thing I should maybe mention is that I’m obsessed with Christmas. Like OBSESSED obsessed. I put my tree up the day after Thanksgiving and I’ve had eggnog in my fridge since late September. What?! I can’t help it. Christmas is the best. Mainly because everything is covered in lights, Uggs are acceptable footwear, scarves are the best accessory, and the baking is on point. Oh man is the baking on point. Not only is baking so fun and delicious, but then you can also use the heat from the oven to heat your house, so it’s kind of like you’re saving money. Is it? No, it’s not, but just go with it.

So I also have been meaning to write a follow up to my July blog post about how I quit drinking for 8 months. Oh, you haven’t read that post yet? Well let’s go ahead and pause here so you can get caught up. It’s fine, I’ll wait…

And we’re back. So lots of you wonderful blog readers have reached out wondering, “What the heck Vanessa, are you a full-blown alcoholic again after your Honeymoon, or what? The people are dying to know.” So let’s go ahead and get right on into it, here’s my recap: I drank on our Honeymoon, I had champagne, piña coladas, dirty martinis, the works. I really enjoyed myself and I was surprisingly not hungover at all. I think the most drinks I had in one day would be about 4 though, so it’s not like I was a college girl after finals or anything.

I definitely felt and still feel myself sliding back in though. As I type this it’s only be 6 days since I’ve had a drink. After vacation ended I stayed sober until I visited a friend in San Francisco for my birthday (about a month total) and then I didn’t drink at all the month of October, I did a “Sober October” to try and get my sh!t together. Then November came in hot! I’ve basically drank every weekend in November, usually 3-4 drinks, sometimes in one day, sometimes over the whole weekend. We visited family in Tucson earlier in the month, then I had a friend in town, and then it was Thanksgiving…blah blah blah excuses, excuses. So I basically feel like someone who is walking up a steep hill and then every few feet or so, I slide back down part of the way. I believe “a slippery slope” is the easier and technical way to say that right? Ugh. See. Alcohol makes you dumb. Even after 6 days without it.

The original plan was to only drink on Holidays, special occasions, or when it’s really worth it. That plan has proven much harder to stick to than I originally thought it would. I think I just want to be one of those “in moderation” people so bad that I’m like, “Oh yeah, totally, I can make that work.” I’m still going to earnestly give that route a try because it makes the most sense to me. So the goal now is to make it until Christmas Eve without a drink and then start fresh in the New Year and go as long as I can again.

Each time I drink now I make a conscious effort to really ask myself, “What is it about this that I think I like so much?” because to be completely honest, the last few times I’ve gotten buzzed, it’s given me a sort of nervous paranoid anxiety that made me feel like, “I don’t like this, I feel uncomfortably fuzzy, I can’t articulate what I’m trying to say to this person, and I feel like everyone knows I’m drunk.” but then I still continue to do it anyway. Why? Is it to just check out of reality for a second? Or make things more challenging just for the fun of it? What is it? I’m still trying to figure this out.

On our 6 hour road trip to Tucson, Brad and I played the New York Times 36 Questions to Love which you are actually supposed to play with someone you’ve never met, but I thought it would be a good way to kill time. We’re married, so obviously we already knew a lot of the answers to the questions about each other, but it was still fun and there were actually quite a few that we didn’t know about each other. Like Question 1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? He said me! Isn’t he the best?! That’s why I married him, but then I made him pick someone else besides me and he said Jesus. Which I thought was strange since he doesn’t believe in God, but anyway that’s another blog post for another time.

Fast forward to Question 12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? His answer was amazing, he said, “I’d wake up without any vices.” Well, wow, that got me thinking (mainly because my answer was something dumb like be invisible or be able to sing) what causes us to have vices or need vices? Is that why I think I’m entitled to a drink whenever I want one? Is it because we live in a world where we feel entitled to our vices? Like we’ve earned them?

So I guess the Cliff’s Notes version of this blog post is I’ve realized I don’t particularly enjoy drinking that much anymore, but I’m still doing it anyway, and I have no idea why. Maybe I need therapy?! Or maybe I just need to read This Naked Mind again. Then the other part of me is like, who cares, YOLO, just drink and be merry. It’s the quintessential angel and devil on each shoulder.

So knowing what I know now, would I have still chosen to drink on my honeymoon or would I have continued my non-drinking stretch? The answer is yes, I would have still drank regardless. I enjoyed having piña coladas in St. Barth’s and having expensive champagne on my wedding night in St. Maarten, and drinking a cocktail as I watched the sun set over Anguilla. Yes. I’d do it again and again. It was part of the experience for me, and while it’s true that I know I would have had just as much fun without it, I still liked the feeling of just letting my hair down and completely indulging with no guilt. Just like you’re supposed to do on vacation.

As someone who rarely lets their hair down, meaning that figuratively rather than literally, because I’ve actually been wearing my hair down a lot lately, as I feel a workout bun is just not an appropriate way to present myself to society, no matter how convenient it may be and I spend way too much money cutting and coloring my hair to just throw it up so no one can see. I’m rambling aren’t I, where were we again?

Ah! Letting my figurative hair down felt really nice and carefree. And since I’m an abstainer, it’s hard for me to get out of the drinking cycle, if I’m still drinking on weekends. Are you as confused as I am? It’s hard getting all of your random thoughts and feelings into one concise point or blog post, so forgive me if this post seems scattered. I blame the alcohol obviously. 😉

I’m excited to see what 2018 has in store! I’m excited to get off the drink again and get back to that place where I was living my best life and things weren’t so foggy. As much as our society worships alcohol, I think there is really something to be said about living an alcohol-free life. It’s charming almost, simple and charismatic.

So anywho! That’s that. The married life rules too in case you were wondering. I love it! Everyone I tell that to says, “Oh well enjoy it while you can, that will change real soon!” Um, excuse me, that’s not nice. Be nice. Speaking of being nice, you absolutely have to make these copycat Cranberry Bliss Bars because they are just too delicious not to, they are very nice. So nice in fact that I think Santa took them off the ‘Naughty’ list just for you.

12 tablespoons (170 g) salted butter, browned

2 cups (184 g) sifted fine grain blanched almond flour

1/4 cup (40 g) coconut flour

1½ teaspoons baking soda

1 teaspoon cream of tartar

¼ teaspoon fine-grain sea salt

¼ teaspoon ground ginger

1 cup (135 g) sifted maple sugar

2 large eggs, room temperature

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 cup (6 oz./180 g) white chocolate, chips or chopped

½ cup (70g) dried cranberries

16 ounces (452g) cream cheese, softened (see Notes for dairy-free option)

8 tablespoons (112g) unsalted butter, softened

1 cup (115g) (70g) powdered sugar, or sifted maple sugar

¼ cup (60ml) light-colored raw honey

1 teaspoon orange extract

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

½ cup (50g) finely chopped dried cranberries, for garnish

½ cup (90g) white chocolate, chips or chopped, for garnish

Brown the butter by placing it in a medium-sized heavy-bottomed saucepan (2.5qt./2.3L) and cook over medium-low heat. Stir intermittently using a rubber spatula. As the butter melts it will start to bubble and foam. As the butter continues to brown, the color will turn from lemon yellow to amber and go from a loud bubble to quiet simmer. When the butter is ready, brown specks will have formed at the bottom of the pan and some will start rise in the foam. The butter will also have a very pleasant nutty aroma. Remove from the heat and let cool for about 15 minutes. While butter is cooling prepare other ingredients.

In a large mixing bowl combine the almond flour, coconut flour, baking soda, cream of tartar, ground ginger, and salt. Stir together using a fork until well combined; set aside. In a separate medium mixing bowl add the maple sugar.

Once the butter has cooled, use a rubber spatula to transfer it into the maple sugar bowl, use the spatula to scrape in the browned bits as well. Beat together the butter and sugar with an electric mixer on low speed until combined, about 1 minute. Once the butter and sugar are mixed together, add eggs one at a time, mixing well after each, and then add the vanilla. Increase mixer speed to high and continue to beat until smooth bubbles appear on the surface, about 1 minute.

Transfer the wet egg mixture to the dry mixture. Use the spatula to scrape out any remaining liquid in the bowl. Beat on low until thoroughly combined. Then mix in the white chocolate and cranberries by hand. Scrape the dough down into the bowl and cover with plastic wrap, pressing directly on the surface. Place in the freezer to chill for one hour.

About 15 minutes before the hour is up, adjust oven rack to the middle position. Preheat the oven to 350°F (177°C). Line a 9x13 quarter sheet pan with parchment paper; set aside.

Once the dough is chilled, use fingertips to grab some dough and spread the dough evenly across the pan. Place a piece of parchment paper over the dough and roll out until the dough reaches the edges of the pan. It will rise during baking. Bake for 22-25 minutes or until browned on the top and edges and a toothpick comes out clean. Make sure the middle is cooked through completely. Cool completely before frosting.

Add the cream cheese and butter to a large mixing bowl or to the bowl of a stand mixer. Beat together using a hand mixer or stand mixer set on medium speed until fluffy and combined. Gradually add the sugar, beating well after each addition. Then add the honey, vanilla, and orange extract and continue to mix until smooth and creamy.

Use an angled frosting spatula to spread the frosting across the cookie layer. To garnish, sprinkle the dried cranberries across the frosting.

Melt the white chocolate in the top pan of a double boiler over simmering water. Stir until smooth. Another method is to place the white chocolate in a large glass or metal mixing bowl set over a saucepan of simmering water. Stir intermittently, using a rubber spatula, until the white chocolate is completely melted. Once melted, let slightly cool, then transfer to a piping bag or re-sealable plastic bag with the corner cut off. Drizzle across the top of the frosting.

Use a sharp large chef’s knife to cut into 12 squares, wiping the blade after each cut. Then cut each square in half diagonally. Serve immediately. Store any leftovers covered in the refrigerator for up to 4 days.

To make these dairy-free, sub ghee for the butter (I recommend Tin Star Browned Butter Ghee or 4th Heart Ghee) and sub dairy-free cream cheese for the cream cheese in the frosting. Kite Hill makes a great dairy-free cream cheese and you can find their products in health food stores across the country. Omit white chocolate chips or use a dairy-free version.

Clean Eating with a Dirty Mind http://cleaneatingwithadirtymind.com/

December 1, 2017 | 17 Comments

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Tags: Bars, Cookies, Eggnog, Holidays, Paleo Desserts

Source: http://cleaneatingwithadirtymind.com/2017/12/01/cranberry-bliss-bars/

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more

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rissaroundtheworld · 7 years

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“"Where We’re Going, We Don't Need Roads” - A Memoir of My First Month at Sea

Ahoy beloved friends and readers! I write to you from the back of my new home, a 38 foot catamaran, in the middle of the Caribbean Sea. This area is solely inhabited and governed by the native indigenous people, the Kunas, several of which have become my boyfriends. The most useful, Apio (spanish for celery, so you know he's the real deal) just motored up to this boat on a tiny wooden kayak (called a Cayuca) to ask me if I would like him to deliver me a few cases of beer tomorrow. Obviously, I said "si."

In case that last sentence didn't make it clear, life is a little different here. And by a little, I mean it couldn't possibly be more of a 180 from my previous life OR my backpacking life. Who knew I could take the life I knew, chew it up, and spit it back out twice in less than a year!?! With that being said, this new adventure has been amazing. I am learning new things, seeing new places, meeting new people, and I might be the most tan I've ever been (which, I've been told, is still not very impressive.) Still, its been a wild ride getting here, and it took me some time to adjust. Here's my best recap on the last month or so:

Originally, the plan was for me to fly into Panama City and meet the boat in San Blas, where we are spending the foreseeable future. However, I'm learning that unexpected and sometimes seemingly disastrous boat problems are to be expected anytime, anywhere, and such problems occurred while the boat was still in Bocas del Toro, where I began my international solo travel 9 months ago. Since I was the mule for crucial boat parts, my new-new life started right where my old-new life began. To be honest, being back was a bit of a head trip and I was happy to get out. Thankfully, we made a fast escape after about 48 hours of boat and food provisioning related insanity. There were two crew members on board, Liz and Tomas, and we picked up a third, Daria, thanks to the glorious gift of Tinder. This online dating-friendly crew would make up my social circle for the next few weeks and I couldn't have been luckier! Tomas was a professional chef and made us AMAZING food for every meal, every day, while Liz, Daria, and I spent most of our free time floating naked in the Caribbean drinking gin. I brought down an inflatable flamingo, whom we named Domingo, and most days were spent jumping off the boat onto Domingo and seeing who did a better job (Generally Liz). We listened to music, made jewelry, played board games, and mostly just didn't wear clothes. Seriously... I saw a lot of bums.

With that being said, we did do actual work and we definitely did actual sailing. My sailing experience previously consisted of taking a bedsheet and tucking it into my rollerblades during a hurricane as a teenager, so it should go without saying that the learning curve was a bit steep. Luckily, my rock climbing background set me up as a great rope coiler, and the knowledgeable crew helped me out a lot. Now I sort of know how to avoid crashing into reefs, and I can help let out anchor chain like a champ. Since Tomas is now gone (I miss you everyday amigo!) I am also the resident chef, and I prepare all meals wearing a pirate apron. I still don't know how to cook fish, which is a small problem when you live on a boat in the middle of nowhere with a spearfisherman, but... we're working on it. And luckily, everyone likes sushi.

A few major things have happened in this time period. Thing one was my first open ocean sail! After leaving Bocas, we did a few "test" sails, which involved staying relatively close to the marina in case anything went wrong and basically gliding over calm waters. I was, at this time, not aware that this not "real" sailing. I thought "hey! This is great, I can do this!" We coasted along, drank some beers, listened to good music, and relaxed. Joke was on me. Once we determined that the boat was in good enough condition to leave, we ACTUALLY sailed... turns out this is very different. I don't remember exactly where our first big sail began or ended, but I do remember how long it was: 28 hours. The beginning was comical - it took the entire 4 member crew to prepare coffee, one person holding the kettle down while the boat was rocking, one person holding the grinder down, then a full support team trying to safely pour boiling hot water into the french press while maintaining three points of contact on the incredibly unstable boat. Needless to say there were a few burns and a LOT of spilled coffee (remember, the next step was getting it into mugs - oooooff!) At first we had fun with it - we had contests to see who could stand on one foot the longest (Liz again), played ukulele, listened to The Lonely Island's "I'm on a Boat" far more times than necessary. Sleeping was awful, and we all had to take shifts in the middle of the night to make sure the boat didn't crash (evidently this is something you want to avoid). But, we made it, spent a few days re-provisioning, and then made our final jump. 10 hours, which sounded like nothing compared to the previous 28, but once again... joke was on me. These seas were significantly more rough than before, and about an hour in I noticed myself feeling a little... off. This quickly escalated into 9 straight hours of me curled up in the fetal position on the back deck with a sarong over my face, occasionally experiencing a moment of strength where I would drag myself inside to get as many Ritz crackers as I could hold in one hand. When we finally arrived in San Blas, I couldn't even bring myself to participate in the obligatory "anchor beer" (another boating skill I am quickly adapting to). This was not a fun time.

Luckily, I recovered quickly, and to calm any fears of potential visitors, this is NOT what its like to sail around San Blas. Not even close. Seasickness is entirely not a thing here, even for my apparently delicate self. And with all this time spent not being seasick, we've done a LOT now that we're here! Activities have included:

DIVING If you saw me when I came home in December, you may have noticed (and politely not mentioned) that I put on a few L-Bs since leaving. And if you knew me at any point ever in my life, you know that this is not something I stand for. When I left home the second time (after of course gorging on Christmas cookies) I got my act together - ate better, drank less, worked out more consistently. My primary workouts are running and yoga, which are both relatively easy to do on the road. But now... there are no roads. And very few spacious, flat surfaces which don't threaten to move at any time (only beaches). What's a slightly chubby girl to do? Then I learned (and have since heard over 1000 times) that free diving is the second best cardiovascular exercise in the world, beat only by competitive fast wood chopping. And I now live with a certified free diver. My previous diving experience was... limited. Basically, if I dropped something to the bottom of my reasonably shallow pool, I accepted it as a loss. So free diving lesson day one was a bit scary, but luckily I had a great instructor! Nate walked me through proper breathing techniques, and then pushed me to try deeper depths. I experienced my first (of now many) underwater contractions, which may have made me pee my pants a little - its tough to tell when you're in the ocean. But by day 3, I was diving alone to between 30 and 35 feet! This has been good for both my heath and entertainment- I'm watching my Argentinian Malbec-induced love handles melt away, and I've had the opportunity to explore the reefs around here in a whole new way. They are STUNNING. If I could double capitalize that, I would. STUNNING! There is beautiful coral, colorful fish, anemones, octopi, shellfish, and so much more. My job when we go diving is to hunt lobsters and crabs, but I generally get caught up in all the beauty and forget. I am currently batting a 0.000.

FRIENDS Turns out, you can live on a boat in the middle of nowhere and still have a social life. In fact, at times our social schedule was so packed we had to turn down a few requests - who would have guessed!!? I've already met so many new people of all ages, nationalities, and different walks of life. We've had boatloads of fun (see what I did there?), but again, its... different. For example: We met up with some friends who had heard about a dolphin carcass that washed ashore, and they wanted to take the teeth for jewelry. One asterisk - they heard about this six weeks prior, but had been running charters and thus unable to explore. If, like me, you have no experience in excavating a dolphin carcass that has been on a beach in the tropics for six weeks, let me tell you: they're disgusting. At several points, the brave leader of the excavation team looked like she was going to puke. The smell was unbearable, and we had to use the dolphins scapula to find the bones as no one had thought to bring a shovel. In the end we discovered that, in the six weeks it had been sitting, someone had already stolen the teeth. And this is how my ocean social life began.

WORKING Yep, you read that correctly. I've been doing real, actual work. One day I even worked for nearly 6 straight hours (when we realized this we promptly closed the computers and made cocktails). I came to the boat to help Nate run charters, which I had no experience in and he had only done informally before. Getting this up and running has been a crazy amount of work! We've had to restructure websites and market ourselves online, which is always fun when you're in the middle of nowhere in an underdeveloped country. Our wifi consists of a small device which we put into a backpack and hoist to the top of the mast, where we HOPE we get enough signal to do what we need. Quite advanced technology here. We had to clean the whole boat top to bottom, and reorganize a lot to make sure our guests feel comfortable. We had to reach out to people to set up water taxis, food deliveries, fix boat problems (they really are never ending), and figure out charter-friendly recipes. Then we had to sample said recipes, which meant me making all kinds of treats and Nate getting to eat and critique them. I'm pretty sure he got the better end of the deal here. Somehow, we managed to get it all together and in late April we took on our first ever charter together. I was terrified. When we got the booking I ran around the boat in a full blown panic, and didn't sleep from that moment until our guests arrived (thankfully it was a last minute booking!) What if my sushi rolls fell apart? What if I burnt the eggs? What if I cut my finger and cried into the rice and then the guests unknowingly paid to eat my tears!? Luckily, none of these things happened. In fact, barring an unfortunate lion fish sting (not one of the guests thankfully), the charter went REALLY well. We got along swimmingly (more boat jokes!) with our guests, who were incredibly kind, fun, and easy going people. My meals went well. We got in great diving, fishing, relaxing, and exploring. The guests even spoiled us by cooking dinner one night, which was warmly welcomed since by this point my feet felt like they were entirely on fire. We walked (errr... water taxied) away with new friends. We couldn't have started off on a better note.

So here we are - relaxing before our next guests arrive in a few days. We're hanging with these guys for about a week or so, then heading to do some wheeling and dealing (and obeying stupid new immigration laws) in Colombia before returning for a charter in late July. Theres a trip to the states in the mix, where my goals include not cooking and not cleaning (sorry mom and dad!) I am going to take a real shower (yep, hasn't happened in six weeks). I will eat broccoli and pork and all of the foods that the Kuna veggie boats wont bring me. I will drink real beer, and see all the people I love and haven't seen in nearly six months! But until then, I'll go wash my hair in the ocean, munch on a carrot, and crack open a Balboa. Life's not so bad :)

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ishiireviewer · 7 years

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RATING: 5 Stars.

REVIEW:

God, what a beautiful book! I absolutely loved it. So so so much. It drove me close to tears at one point.

I want everyone to read this book. It’s not like other LGBT books out there because this one focuses on the person instead of the couple.

It had such a flowy quality. So easy to read through in just one sitting.

And I just loved this book so much and I don’t have any words for it.

ANNOTATIONS:-

1. I really love them. I send a steady, visible stream of it—love—from me to them. From my chest to their chests. From my brain to their brains. It’s a game I play. It’s a good game because I can’t lose

2. But it feels good to love a thing and not expect anything back. It feels good to not get an argument or any pushiness or any rumors or any bullshit. It’s love without strings. It’s ideal

3. Ms. Steck reminds me of the arrow—one of Zeno’s arguments. The idea is that an arrow shot at a target has to move through time, but since time is made of tiny moments, the arrow, in each tiny moment, is at rest and not moving. “That’s like saying that if I take a picture of Clay”—I point to Clay, who is wearing his Kurt Vonnegut asterisk T-shirt today—“while he’s running hurdles and I freeze that moment in time… that he never really moved during the race.” Ms. Steck says, “Yes. That’s a little like what Zeno was trying to say

4. Hippocrates. Father of Western medicine. He said this: “There are in fact two things, science and opinion; the former begets knowledge, the latter ignorance

5. She said, “This will be a time of asking questions and not rushing to answer them. A time of poking holes in your own theories. A time of thinking and not knowing

6. Like—moving. He said it was impossible to move because time stands still inside each little split second

7. She sighs and rolls onto her back. “So what’s the big deal about some philosopher who said motion was impossible? Philosophers said all sorts of crazy shit. Wasn’t that their job?” “Their job was to find truth.” “And did they?” I look at Dee and I think that Zeno was totally right, even though that’s not what he meant: For people, motion is sometimes impossible. For Dee. For my mom and Ellis. For nearly everyone. (I wanna understand this)

8. think if we kept a calendar of who gets called gay in high school, there would be a new person on every single day of the 180-day school year. Gay, dyke, fag, lesbo, homo, whatever. Every single one of us has heard it somewhere along the ride. It’s more common than the flu. More contagious, too. Nobody gossips about whether you have the flu or not

9. (Her mum is hating on ignorant people and she believes that she herself isn’t one. We think we know, but we don’t. Not really. What is knowing, though? It’s all thinking anyway, isn’t it? Idk)

10. She leans in to kiss me good-bye, and when she does, I wish I lived on the right planet where kissing Dee Roberts wasn’t a big freaking deal. Where it didn’t mean I have to affix a label to my forehead so people can take turns trying to figure out what caused it or what’s wrong with me. And I wish I didn’t have to lie so much (Yeesss)

11. When Dee kisses me, the taste of her is enough to make me die right here on the spot. I don’t care if some mountain biker zooms through on the path. I don’t care about anything. Not Zeno or Socrates. Not motion or truth. When Dee kisses me, I am alive. I am moving. I am the truth

12. I’ll go,” I say, seemingly out of control of my own mouth. Why did I just say that? I think I can do Thursday,” Ellis says. “Great,” Mom answers. “We’ll go Thursday.” She doesn’t look at me when she says this. Her hand is still on Ellis’s arm. This was like a private conversation they had. My offer to go along stayed in another dimension (Awwwww. Poor baby I love Astrid)

13. We start our unit on the Allegory of the Cave. It’s a part in Plato’s Republic where he wrote a dialogue between his brother Glaucon and his teacher, Socrates. The short version: People chained in a cave are only able to see a wall. The wall has shadows cast from a fire they can’t see. They guess at what the shadows are. Their entire reality becomes these shadows. Clay has read it before. Of course. Knows all about the Allegory of the Cave. “The only life these prisoners know is the sounds and shadows of the cave. Imagine living like that!” he says. “Or maybe we are living like that, right?” Ms. Steck stops him before he can spoil the rest. Apparently there is more excitement to come for the prisoners in the cave. For now, all we have to worry about is a three-hundred-word essay from the point of view of one of these prisoners exploring the realm of belief versus the realm of knowledge (Man) (I wanna read philosophy!!!)

14. “No,” I say, trying to be gutsy, too. “I’m also going to say that if you—if you think you love me, then shouldn’t you treat me like you love me and respect me? And be patient with me?” I realize that I’m saying this not just to Dee but also to my mother. And Kristina. And Ellis. And Jeff. And maybe even myself. (Awwww baby. I wanna hug you)

15. “I don’t know,” I say. “I don’t think so. I mean, I don’t know.” I watch a plane zoom across the sky, and envy the power and control of it. I simultaneously realize that without a pilot, it would crash. “I need to be my own pilot,” I say. “And I don’t understand why my copilot is saying stuff like shit or get off the pot. It just doesn’t seem like a good team

16. I sigh deeply and lie back down to look at the sky. No airplanes. No passengers to ask. So I ask the clouds. Did you guys know there’s a wrong side and a right side? Why didn’t you tell me? The clouds don’t answer. “So when you said shit or get off the pot, you didn’t mean for me to make up my mind,” I say. “You meant for me to just come out, be gay, and be done with it.” “Well, yeah. I don’t see what the holdup is.” “You wouldn’t understand,” I say. “Obviously, this was a piece of cake for you.” “Are you saying you might not be gay? That this is all just some kind of joke or something?” “It’s not a joke.” “So what is it, then?” “It’s a question. And I’m answering it. But I don’t know the answer yet, and I’m sorry

17. Isn’t it enough to be in love with Dee’s amazing eyes and the smell of her hair? Isn’t it enough that she thinks I’m funny? That we have fun when we mess around at work? Why does everything come with a strict definition? Who made all these boxes? (And then the marriage proposal couple. How cool. The boxes being jewish stuff. I love how the questions she asks has a response from up above)

18. “I don’t know. Isn’t that what you learn in humanities?” I think about what Frank S. would say. But I say nothing (Is that because socrates says nothing? Awesome)

19. Maybe it’s okay that people talk you into things. Maybe if they didn’t, you’d never go anywhere (Yus)

20. I feel an intense paranoia that if I use their toilet paper, they will be even more pissed off with me than they already seem to be (I wanna help her. Why is she so insecure? I feel protective towards her)

21. I hear my dad’s voice: You have to let people get to know you before you decide they don’t like you (Yyaaasss)

22. What does the airport look like at four o’clock in the morning? Did they even have coffee brewing? Was there toilet paper in the stalls? And why don’t I feel ashamed right now? Is that a sign? (Because its not your fault. Passenger’s story about her friend and her and two boys who took advantage. She finally feels okay about it. That’s because she finally accepted that what happened wasn’t her fault. Which is the same in case of astrid and cops busting gay bar)

23. All we can see is the wall Mom wants us to see. On it she’s drawn the people we know in shadow. For me, she’s drawn you and Dad and the residents of Unity Valley. For you, she’s drawn me and Dad and the residents of Unity Valley. Based on Mom’s shadows, I see a sister who will always be better than me. A sister who will always win because I am a loser. She has cast this same shadow for Dad. We are the losers in the Jones family illusion, and you and Mom are the winners ME: Now imagine we were set free from this illusion. Our chains removed, our heads able to turn and look at each other. What would I look like to you? And what would you look like to me? And what would Dad look like to us? Would we still rely on the shadows, or would we see the real people? ELLIS: You’re starting to worry me, Astrid. ME: That’s because you’re still chained ME: I guess not, too. ELLIS: But if I change the way I think, Mom will stop loving me. ME: How do you know? ELLIS: I know because that’s what she did to you (Aw)

24. They say: Did you hear? Did you hear? Did you hear? But no one actually talks to us. (Wow. Yes. They hear it from others but never from us. And they believe what others say.)

25. You’re completely wrong, you know. You’re completely full of shit.” “That’s not what we heard.” They say that in unison, like the creepy girls in The Shining. They say: That’s not what we heard. (Because you didn’t. Not really)

26. She asks, “What do you think Plato meant to say when he talked about the freed people returning to the cave? Did he think they couldn’t handle the outside world? Did he feel they needed to be controlled? What does that compare to in our society? Do we have places like the cave?” She glances at me when she asks this, but she doesn’t call on me, and I send love to her for it. Ms. Steck, I know you sat in that faculty room and heard every stupid rumor. I love you because this discussion is exactly what I needed. I will not be like Kristina and go back into the cave

27. I replace the word gays from her sentence with these other words: blacks, Hispanics, immigrants, women, people of mixed race, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Gypsies, Russians, Poles, Yugoslavians, Ukrainians, mentally and physically disabled

28. Frank Socrates, and he says, in my head, Settle for nothing less than the truth. Even if the answer is I don’t know

29. When I see the first plane, I make a deal with its passengers. I say: Look, this is a loan. I don’t know if love is something I will run out of one day. I don’t know if I should be giving it all to you guys or not. Today, I feel like maybe I should have kept some for myself for days when no one else loves me. Not even my best friend (Awww boo)

30. And then I send the love up. It’s as easy as it always is, and it’s hard, too, because I really don’t know the answer to this mystery. Is love something that will always be available? Will it always be confined and untrustworthy like it feels today? Is there enough to go around? Am I wasting mine on strangers? (Awww. No baby. That’s what makes you a wonderful person.)

31. (God this book is so fucking beautiful. Drove me to tears. After the above, a guy in plane feels bad about not feeling loved and then he receives Astrid’s and he feels happy. And astrid thinks it’s a waste which is proved wrong by this dude. How fucking beautiful.)

32. While I’m brushing my teeth, I think about how our sisterhood deteriorated. I blame Mom. Of course. But as I look at myself in the mirror, I see some other stuff. My snubbing her when she decided to be a small-town girl. Me deciding she didn’t need me anymore when she got old enough to stop watching The Wizard of Oz. Me not inviting her when Dad and I would make stuff together. Me deciding that Mom would always like her more… and having it reflect on her instead of just on Mom. So maybe I helped it happen. Maybe we’d be closer. If I told her the truth, she’d probably accept me eventually, and we could just be sisters again

33. As he walks away, I think about what he said about Justin in the locker room, and I think about Ellis and her gross towel thing this morning, and I figure out what confuses people so much about other people being gay. They think it’s all about sex (Yyyeeesss. As if that’s the only element about their personality.)

34. NO wins, twelve votes to ten. Ms. Steck doesn’t say anything. She just leaves the results on the board above the ugly homophobic signs, and all I can think of is what she called us: Unity Valley’s best and brightest. And we’re three votes short of equality. (Best and brightest being a paradox. And 3 votes short which makes her paradox “equality is obvious” ring true)

35. I think about what she said to me last night. How I had nothing to lose and how she had everything to lose. I count eight people at her table. I count zero at mine (Does this mean in a revengey manner?or was she just justifying kris’ statement?)

36. First, to define equality. Then to define obvious. I mean, I can even try to define is if I want, because equality isn’t really working in the present tense, is it? Because equality isn’t really obvious to most people. And I don’t mean to say the world is filled with racists or sexists or homophobes. I mean to say: Everybody’s always looking for the person they’re better than. In fourth grade, it’s the second graders. In ninth grade, it’s the eighth graders. Adults look at teenagers like we’re the stupidest creatures on the planet, when really we’re just lining up to take their jobs in T-minus five years. I am equal to a baby and to a hundred-year-old lady. I am equal to an airline pilot and a car mechanic. I am equal to you. You are equal to me. It’s that universal. Except that it’s not

37. I feel myself getting pissed off, so I take a minute to try to figure out how to say what I want to say. Frank S. lights Dad’s pipe. I have no idea how he knew where to find it, but I guess if I made him up in my head, he must know everything I know. I feel relaxed by association

38. Still, it’s none of your business until I’m ready to tell you. Calling it a lie is wrong. And kinda hurtful. I really know what you’re trying to say, but try to think about it from my side. It just sucks that you’d hold my own confusion—which tortured me for months—against me. Seriously.” (I agree)

39. Why? I’m right! All those people who are chained here thinking that their reputations matter and that this little shit matters are so freaking shortsighted. Dude, what matters is if you’re happy. What matters is your future. What matters is that we get out of here in one piece. What matters is finding the truth of our own lives, not caring about what other people think is the truth of us! (Yyyaaasss)

40. I take a second to think about him—Frank Socrates—and I decide he’s my new hero. Not because he shows up in my life and talks to me when I want him to, but because of who he was and what he stood for. I just love how he rejected all the boxes

41. The world is made of so many types of different people, and we have to learn that though they might be scary at first, they are not inherently bad because they are different.” He starts this way and goes on to talk about his days in school as a mixed-race Latino and how hard it was for him growing up. He got beat up a lot. Teased every day. I start to feel resentful. You mean to tell me that it’s 2011 and this guy gets paid to have remedial talks with high school students about how they shouldn’t hate other people? Isn’t this elementary? Shouldn’t it be automatic? What kind of species are we if we have to have people come talk to us about this crap? And how, if we’re that stupid, did we get to the moon and help build a space station? He tells a story about how his mother was from Cuba and how she hated Puerto Ricans. He says, “No matter how many times I tried to explain to her how stupid this was, she never changed. It was just ingrained in her. “Some of you have it ingrained in you. You weren’t born with it. You were taught. No baby has hate for anything.” He produces a baby (a real baby) and bounces the kid on his hip. “We were all babies once, right? This little guy doesn’t care what country you were born in or what religion you might practice or how much you weigh or who you might love

42. I just went to my twenty-fifth class reunion, guys. Let me tell you—people change. The girls who passed around rumors about all the weird kids? Are nice and have their own weird kids. The so-called losers who graduated at the bottom of the class? Are driving luxury cars and running big businesses. The kid who made fun of all the gay kids? Is gay. I’m not saying this will happen to all of you, but what I’m trying to tell you is that high school doesn’t end here. You guys will know each other for a long time, and you will get to see how life changes people. I only hope that for right now, you remember that there is no place for hate in a happy life. I don’t care who you are, where you come from or what God you believe in. I can guarantee you that if you hate, you will never achieve true happiness

43. “I don’t know why this is so important for me to tell you, but I’m a virgin. Seriously weird for me to be telling you that, I know, but this whole thing, it’s not about sex. I just fell in love, and it happened to be with a girl.” “O-kay,” he says. “When I told you I didn’t know if I was gay, I was telling you the truth. I just know I’m in love—with a girl. I had no idea of anything past that. It’s very Socrates, you know? I’m not questioning my sexuality as much as I’m questioning the strict definitions and boxes of all sexualities and why we care so much about other people’s intimate business.

44. And if any of you has a problem with any of it, then it’s your problem. Being gay is hard enough without having to worry about your family being weird about it.”

45. How can we say nobody’s perfect if there is no perfect to compare to? Perfection implies that there really is a right and wrong way to be.(but that keeps changing, no?) And what type of perfection is the best type? Moral perfection? Aesthetic? Physiological? Mental

46. By the end of the day, I’m exhausted. Frank S. must have been one hearty guy to argue on the streets of Athens all day the way he did. Our humanities class enjoys a bunch of snacks and a Socrates Project party in the humanities room, where we all debate one another’s paradoxes and are reminded by Ms. Steck to question everything and continue to challenge others with our open minds long after we remove our togas

47. I listen to the air. I don’t hear a thing. Not one thing. They say: They say:

48. The nice thing about the passengers is they can’t say anything back. I can’t see any faces full of disappointment. I can’t hear them saying bad things about me. I can’t hear them call me the politically correct term for Indian giver… on Thanksgiving Day. Anyway, it’s not like I want my love back. I’m just slowing down business. They can have a little. I can say, “I love you!” when I see a plane. I probably always will. But they can’t have all my love. I have too many uses for it now

49. Okay. I sent them my love because I didn’t need it here,” I say. “Mom never loved me, and Dad was too busy doing other stuff, and you didn’t love me because Mom had turned you against me, and then when Dee came along, I knew I couldn’t love her even though I love her more than anything. But I knew I wouldn’t be allowed. Not by Mom, not by Unity Valley. Not by you. Not by anyone

50. will notice, you know, when you find some cute guy and marry him and have a bunch of kids, that you might not be gay and sleeping with your lesbian sister. If they believe lies, then that’s their problem, not yours (True)

51. And then I look out the window and down at the green-and-brown landscape, and I toss my love to whoever might be there to keep it safe. Maybe if you catch this love, you can keep it safe? I ask them. Maybe someone down there knows what to do with it while I go and get brainwashed by people who hate me? Dee says, “What?” I try to think of what just happened, but I can’t explain it. All I know is that a huge, overwhelming feeling of love has just landed in my heart, and I have to keep it safe for a while. “Nothing,” I say. “Don’t worry about it I’m left with this feeling, though. A lucky feeling. I squeeze Dee’s hand and kiss her on the cheek. I can do that now. I can do whatever I want. I look at the plane, and I send my love. Don’t worry. I’ll keep it safe. Stay strong

52. (I thought the ending would be her sitting on a plane and receiving the love of someone else but this is way better. And so much better)

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tomeandflickcorner · 7 years

Text

OUAT Episode Analysis- Page 23

I’d like to apologize in advance if my episode analyses seem to be declining a bit in terms of quality as of late. I’d usually have a transcript for the episode in question on hand when writing these up, but the website I used for transcripts haven’t posted a new transcript for OUAT in a while. Unless someone knows of an alternate site I can use, I’m going to have to write these up with just my memory to rely on.

So, we start with Regina and Zelena storming into the Charming’s loft apartment to inform the Nevengers that Queen Cobra is back and was turned back to a person. Of course, their timing is horrible, as Emma was in the middle of informing Snow and Henry about her recent engagement. On the plus side, it was a bit amusing how Zelena immediately noticed the ring without any prompting. And, to Regina’s credit, she does seem genuinely happy to hear the news. (Which is a huge 180 from her attitude at the end of the Underworld arc, when she told Emma she wanted to kill Killian for being alive when Robin wasn’t.) Even more, when it becomes clear that Evil Queenie was plotting to use Robin Clone as bait to force Regina to come face her, Regina even tells Emma she doesn’t blame her for the situation. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t genuinely surprised by Regina not blaming Emma and accusing her of talking her into bringing Robin along. But pleasantly so. I’m all-around okay for Regina showing some actual character growth.

Anyway, Regina eventually goes to her office to save Robin Clone, who is being contained by magic ropes. Which was a rather clever move. It made me chuckle to see how the ropes would immediately re-tie themselves every time Robin Clone managed to get free. But when Regina shows up, Evil Queen decides Robin Clone served his purpose and, partially due to a conversation they had earlier, sends Robin Clone back home to Wish World. Which I expect is incontestable proof that the Wish World continued to exist even after Emma left. Meaning it’s a real place, and Regina killed an actual version of Snow and Charming, made a version of Henry lose his grandparents and mother, and left an entire world at the mercy of an angry Rumpelstiltskin. But of course, I doubt they’re ever going to address that. In any event, Regina and Evil Queen initiate an all-out duel to the death, with Evil Queen using those dumb fate-severing sheers to sever the tie between them. Which essentially nullifies the previous-standing rule that Evil Queen will instantly die if Regina does. Eventually, Regina gets the upper hand. But before she could finish her opponent off, she catches a glimpse of her reflection in a shard of the mirror that got broken during the fight. And that triggers her memory of the event chronicled in the flashback portion of the episode.

So, in Regina Flashback #685, Evil Queen Regina is, of course, hunting down Snow White. (Shocker!) When she realizes Snow has evaded her again, she tries to coax the villagers into surrendering the information on Snow’s whereabouts, going on about how only she loves them and how Snow doesn’t care about them. (Yeah, and how many villagers have you massacred at this point?) Out of nowhere, Tinkerbell shows up, urging Regina to knock it off and just go find the man with the Lion Tattoo. While it’s nice to see Tinkerbell again, this does make me wonder why Regina got so surprised to see how downtrodden Tink was in Neverland. But I guess EQ Regina was just too caught up in her own little world at the moment to really take in Tink’s appearance. EQ Regina, of course, refuses to listen to Tinkerbell, stating she’s not going to let pixie dust decide her life, and to prove she’s capable of love, she’s not going to kill Tink, blah blah blah.

Sometime later, however, Henry Senior, who later reveals he conspired with Tink off-screen, tells Regina that he knows of a spell in Cora’s old spell book. This spell would allow EQ Regina to locate Snow. Except this turns out to be a false lead, as their quest brings them instead to Cupid’s Arrow, which would help Regina find who she loves the most. (Surprised Rumpelstiltskin didn’t try to get his grubby hands on that particular artifact.) EQ Regina is livid, and accuses her father of betraying her. But she quickly gets an idea and magically manipulates the arrow. Instead of leading her to who she loves the most, the arrow will lead her to who she hates the most. As probably everyone predicted, when EQ Regina fires off the arrow, it doesn’t lead her to Snow like she suspected it would. It leads her to her wardrobe back at her castle. More specifically, the mirror inside the wardrobe door. Meaning Regina hates herself the most.

Yeah, while that was predictable, it was a bit odd to be told that Regina hates herself. She just always seemed to be...I don’t know…full of herself? But I guess it could be argued that that was her compensating. But now that Regina has been reminded of that, she decides she needs to accept the Evil Queen. I mean, I think that’s what we’re supposed to conclude. But the way they executed it was kinda odd. I’m just saying, if they wanted to show Regina accepting the Evil Queen as part of her, wouldn’t it have been better to show her reabsorb Evil Queen? But instead, she does something to their hearts, with Evil Queen getting some of Regina’s light and Regina getting some of Evil Queen’s darkness. (Wasn’t Evil Queen’s heart crushed at the end of 5B? Or did it reform when she did?) Personally, I think this seems a bit like a cop-out. Especially since they still seem to be treating the Evil Queen as a separate entity, particularly in the scene when Regina fills in Snow, Henry and Zelena about it. Snow even says that the Evil Queen might not be capable of being redeemed (which seems odd coming from Mrs. Purity and Light), and Regina says ‘If I can be redeemed, so can the Evil Queen.’ Or something to that effect. Again, I don’t have access to episode transcripts at the moment. And Zelena doesn’t seem swayed by the idea at first either, which was also odd, because, in the show’s timeline, it was just about a week or so ago that Zelena was on Team Evil Queen. Regardless, Evil Queen takes that as her cue to step in to actually apologize to Snow for everything she’s done to her. To my knowledge, this is the first time Evil Queen/Regina ever acknowledged and apologized to Snow. So I had no complaint about that, even though it took her long enough.

In an unrelated story, may I ask who’s watching Baby Neal and Baby Robyn while this is going on? I mean, Regina, Snow, Zelena and Henry are at Granny’s, and Charming’s taking a dirt nap. I supposed it’s possible Emma is looking after the babies, but it still amazes me how often the babies seem to vanish until the plot demands their presence.

Rambling aside, that’s when Henry is given the task of using his position of The Author to send Evil Queen to a place where she can have a fresh start. Which was a bit odd, especially when they point out that it’s against the rules to manipulate events. But Henry is all ‘nope, loophole time,’ saying something about how it’s only against the rules to alter events in your own world, but other stories are fair game. I’m sorry, but that sounds iffy to me. Because Author Isaac got punished for manipulating things in the Enchanted Forest. And he wasn’t from the Enchanted Forest. He was from the Land Without Magic. So he was altering events in a different world from his own. It just….seems like this is going to blow up in their faces somehow. Especially since Charming’s wish that the Evil Queen would get what she deserved still stands, to my knowledge. In any event, Evil Queen is transported to Wish World, where she is able to enter the tavern and meet up with Robin Clone again. Which I guess is meant to be them rectifying how Regina didn’t go into the tavern to meet Robin Prime all those years ago.

Now, I’m not exactly a fan of Regina, but I don’t necessarily hate her. Even so, I still question what the point of this whole split-storyline for Regina even was. Because it looks like the lesson Regina had to learn was to move forward with her life and accept that there’s good and bad in her, and that her happy ending isn’t tied to Robin’s presence in her life, and that she has to love herself. But didn’t she already learn that lesson at the end of S4, when she decided to not erase Zelena and the then-unborn Baby Robyn from existence? Plus, this whole thing with Evil Queen ending up with Clone Robin seems like the writers wanting to allow Regina to have her cake and eat it too. This whole thing just seemed completely pointless to me. Also, there’s the tiny matter that Evil Queen is in the Wish World now. You know, where Wish!Henry is out for her blood? What’s going to happen if and when he finds Evil Queen and Robin Clone? I suppose I should just be happy this whole storyline is over and done with, but it just seems like it was painfully clunky and poorly executed. Especially if they’re still not completely acknowledging the fact that Regina was the Evil Queen, and therefore should be held accountable for everything she did to people.

So, now that that’s out of the way, let’s move on to the Captain Swan portion of the episode. Killian is still in an emotional funk because he still hasn’t been able to tell Emma about the thing with Grandpa Robert. While he’s down by the Storybrooke Pier, being all emo, he’s approached by Captain Nemo, who has come to bid Killian goodbye, as he plans to set off with Liam 2.0 and the rest of the Nautilus crew. Gotta say, I’m not happy with that. Why can’t Nemo stick around in Storybrooke? I realize Killian’s not alone anymore and he has the family that Nemo told him he could find. But that doesn’t mean Killian doesn’t also deserve to have friends outside his future wife and father-in-law. And this episode is a perfect example of how Nemo could be the perfect friend for Killian. Just look at how Killian’s face lights up when he sees Nemo. He’s totally happy to see him. I realize Faran Tahir is an actor who might have other commitments, but that doesn’t mean they have to write Captain Nemo off. They can just make allusions to his ongoing presence in Storybrooke. I don’t think we’ve seen Marco/Gepetto since 4B, but I’ve never doubted he wasn’t still somewhere in town.

Anyway, Killian confides in Nemo about the situation he’s in, and Nemo, being the supportive friend/pseudo father figure that he is, advises Killian to seek forgiveness, as guilt can eat away at you just as much as vengeance. But Killian doesn’t seem to follow Nemo’s advice, as the next time we see him, he’s encased his memory of Robert’s death inside a dreamcatcher, and is apparently getting ready to burn it.

Now, I have some questions about this moment. First of all, would Killian burning that dreamcatcher result in him forgetting about that event? If not, it makes this seem a bit counterproductive. But more importantly, how was he able to extract his memory with the dreamcatcher? Don’t you have to have magic to do that? I know it was a fan theory for a while that Killian somehow maintained a bit of magic from his stint as Dark Killian, but that was never confirmed in canon. So how could Killian pull out that memory with the dreamcatcher, considering he’s supposed to be completely non-magical? Is there something you want to share with the class, Captain Jones? Have you been holding out on us? Or did A&E change the rules on us again.

Unfortunately, Killian made a poor judgement call, as he chose to schedule the dreamcatcher burning while Emma was home, and she witnesses the memory playing out within the dreamcatcher. While it is a bit odd that she recognizes Grandpa Robert, who she’s never even met, she quickly figures out that Killian was planning to burn the memory instead of being honest and coming to her about it. To be fair, he had every intention of telling her the night before, but I also realize he had second thoughts and his guilt got the better of him. The two end up having an argument over the matter, which isn’t a bad thing. Communication is vitally important in a healthy relationship. And it’s made very clear that Emma’s not mad because he killed the grandpa she never met. She’s mad that he didn’t come to her about it. To which Killian admits a part of his actions in wanting to burn the memory is because he couldn’t cope with the guilt, and doubted he could ever look Emma’s parents in the eyes again. In other words, his self-loathing is back again in full force. In the end, Emma decides to return the ring to Killian, while making it clear that they can talk about it when he feels ready to be honest with her.

Okay, I completely get why Emma did this. I get where she’s coming from. At the same time, returning the ring seems just a teensy bit extensive to me. I mean, she knows Killian has self-esteem issues, and has crippling self-loathing. This is nothing new for him. So I’m wondering if we’ll see her contemplate how he might have interpreted that gesture, considering he was experiencing a pretty big low at the time. Because Killian certainly seemed to feel like she meant it as a full-on breakup when he seeks out Nemo to ask if he can accompany him when he leaves Storybrooke, stating he needs help to become the man Emma needs him to be again. However, as the episode ends, Killian is approached by Snow, who somehow seems to not know about what happened between him and Emma, as she voices her happiness for the both of them. She even goes so far as to say she’s glad that he’s the one Emma chose. Overall, I really liked this scene. Especially since I don’t think we’ve EVER seen Killian and Snow interacting before. Unless you count the ‘thank you, milady’ bit back in ‘Tallahassee.’ And that was a LONG time ago, when neither of them had any idea of how hard Emma and Killian would fall for each other. (Although, Snow might have had an inkling. I noticed that look she gave them.) And it’s great to see Killian getting the confirmation that both of Emma’s parents approve of him. At the same time, I have to shake my head at Snow for her obliviousness. She’s standing there, being all happy smiles and sunshine, and doesn’t seem to notice that Killian obviously is in poor spirits. She doesn’t even question why he’s standing alone in the snow. Considering Emma obviously didn’t tell her about the fight they had, you’d think Snow would be wondering why Killian wasn’t off with Emma somewhere.

Snow’s obliviousness aside, she does tell Killian about how the Evil Queen is off getting her happy ending, which ends up restoring his hope that he can still get his happy ending, too. He decides he can’t leave Emma after all, and goes to tell Nemo that he changed his mind and is staying in Storybrooke. But before he could get a chance to leave the Nautilus, Gideon pops up and magically forces the Nautilus to sail off. Before teleporting off, Gideon tells Killian that he can’t afford to have him in Storybrooke if his new big bad plan is going to work.

Now, because of Gideon’s interference, Killian is trapped on the Nautilus as it sets off to a currently unknown location. And since he didn’t leave Emma a note explaining that he was planning to go away, but only temporally, she’s not going to know what happened. Which means she’s probably going to entertain the notion that Killian left for good. After all, Emma has crippling abandonment issues to go with Killian’s self-loathing. Admittedly, I was initially put-off that Killian didn’t leave Emma a note before he headed off to the docks to join up with Nemo. But I suppose he probably had his talking phone with him. And, if Snow hadn’t unknowingly helped change his mind, he would have called before the Nautilus left Storybrooke to let Emma know he wasn’t leaving for good. Especially since he knows Emma’s history of being abandoned. But since it’s unlikely there’s good phone reception under the ocean, Killian’s probably not going to be able to reach Emma to let her know he was sent away by force. All I can say is that Emma better not spend all of the next episode thinking Killian abandoned her. She better figure out something’s wrong, and that Killian Jones would never leave her on his own, within the first 15 minutes. (Likewise, if we’re forced to listen to Snow and/or Regina spout off some ridiculous ‘good riddance to bad rubbish/you were too good for him anyway’ nonsense, I will be ticked. Especially since that would make them seem incredibly two-faced, as they were all supportive and happy about the engagement in this episode.) Most importantly, A&E? Don’t drag this whole angst plot out too long, okay? I want to be happy by the end of next episode. I know the episode will be written by Jane and Jerome, who have yet to let us down in terms of quality CS moments. But considering there’s talk of Tiger Lily joining the cast, I’m stumped about what she’s going to bring to the table.

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#ouat episode analysis #ouat 6x14 #page 23 #regina mills #the evil queen #evil queen regina #slightly anti Regina #wish world #wish!robin #snow white #zelena #henry mills #ouat babies #killian jones #emma swan #captain swan #captain nemo

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