#scREAMING and CRYING as the kids say GENERALLY NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME--
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Now hush little baby, don't you cry, everything's gonna be alright
The idea for the fic came to me completely by accident. A friend who has a child talked about how she spends time with him. And I have no idea how to communicate with children. English is not my native language, errors may occur. As always, feel free to share your thoughts :)
Buggy and F/Reader - Masterlist is here.
Description: You and Buggy have a little daughter. The ship is moored and you go to rest, leaving Buggy with the child.
Warnings: Fun (I have no experience with kids, sorry if there are discrepancies), Buggy is practically hysterical.
Words: 1815
Taglist: @gingernut1314, @operationroots
The title is taken from “Mockingbird” by Eminem.
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“Y/N, it’s screaming again!” Buggy growled into his pillow.
“That's not it, Buggy, it's your daughter.” You muttered into his chest.
“This is your baby, velvet cake.” He buried his face in your hair.
“It’s as much mine as it is yours, Buggy.” You stroked his arm. “We made her together. Remember that night? At the end of sex you yelled that you would become king of the pirates.”
“It was good!” He reluctantly got out of bed and walked towards the crib that was located not far from your shared bed.
Inside the crib lay a little girl with Y/E/C and blue hair. Every time Buggy looked at his daughter, he was glad inside himself that she had not inherited his nose.
“What should I do with her?” He asked loudly.
“First of all, don't scream. Second of all, rock her first.”
“I'm not very good with children. Can I wait until she turns 18 and then start raising her?” Buggy looked at you as you stretched in bed. “How did I even end up with children?” He scratched his head and took the child into his arms. “So, what is next?”
“Just rock her. Like this.” You took the pillow in your hands and showed how it should be done.
“OK.” Buggy swung his daughter one way, then the other, then swung her one way again and the other again. "Seems to work, velvet cake! She cries less.”
“You see, you're doing great, my love.” You got out of bed, put on your slippers and, shuffling along the floor, approached them both. "You'll learn everything in time, Buggy. Hello, my Lily Gold." You waved to your daughter.
“It’s easy for you to say - you’ll learn.” Buggy chuckled and rolled his eyes dramatically. “You’re a woman, you know how to do it. It’s in your nature.”
“Hell, no!” You shook your head. “It just somehow happened that I had to take one under my wing to raise one.” You pecked him on the cheek. “Big.” Smack on his lips. “Capricious.” Smack on his nose. “Child. So, I’ll go wash up and make us breakfast. I also need to go to the store on the island and buy something.”
“What? Did something happen?” Buggy became noticeably nervous. “Are you feeling unwell? Is there something wrong with the baby?”
“No, no!” You softened your voice, trying to calm him down. “Don't get me wrong, I love you both, but I want to get some rest. I have a spa appoitnment.”
While you were making breakfast, Buggy sat next to you, holding your daughter in his arms. He was loudly clattering plates and mugs and yelling at anyone who came into the kitchen and spoke loudly (so it seemed to him, even though everyone was whispering). Buggy and your daughter at breakfast certainly made you smile, but at the same time it was a disaster. They were both constantly dropping things, getting messy in their food, and they both started whining if something didn't go their way. You would just roll your eyes, convincing yourself that he was the love of your life, the love you sometimes wanted to strangle. You got up from your chair, wiped their faces, and continued drinking your morning coffee.
You went to your room, Buggy and Lily followed you. He constantly asked how soon you would return, what he should do and how to get along with children in general.
“Learn, daddy! You are the culprit of this creature.” You adjusted his bandana and looked into his scared eyes. “For the record, I have no regrets. I love our family. You and our daughter. But since this will be a copy of you, I need to gain strength. That's it, I'm off. Bye, my love. Bye, Lily! I'll be back in three hours.”
“THREE HOURS???” Buggy's eyes widened, but he looked at your slightly tired face, exhaled and kissed your forehead. “Fine.”
“Bye, my captain. I love you!" You pecked him on the lips and left.
Buggy sat down on the bed, holding Lily in his arms. Fortunately, she was no longer a newborn baby, because that period was a nightmare for you. The baby was screaming all the time, Buggy was screaming all the time.
“So. What should I do with you?” Buggy took his daughter and turned her over in his hands. She laughed happily and tried to grab his nose. “No, Lily! Not the nose! We don't touch daddy's nose.” He muttered and looked around. “Oh! You're a child. You must love toys, right?”
Buggy grabbed Lily in his arms, walked with her to the toys and put her on the floor. “Who do you want to play, me sweet candy? Pony? Lamb? Pig?" He sorted through the toys and showed them one by one.
The girl looked at her father with batted eyes and grabbed his nose again.
“Fuck! Lily Gold! You can't touch daddy's nose!” Buggy leaned back a little.
“Honk!” Lily said and pointed to her nose. “Dad. Nose. Honk.”
Buggy looked at his daughter doomedly. “Do you want dad to make a honk with his nose? Maybe you’ll choose the lamb?”
She shook her head, made a face and crossed her arms.
He rolled his eyes, growled and said a dissatisfied “okay”, squeezing his nose so that it made a sound. “You like your mother, love to do this with me. Well, Lily. What else do you want to do?”
Buggy tilted his head and looked at his daughter. “Thank God you don't have my nose." He took her in his arms and said in a whisper. “But daddy will always protect you. You and your mom. I never let someone hurt you, my biggest treasure." Buggy kissed his daughter on the top of the head.
Lily got off his feet, took the ball and handed it to him.
“Lily Gold, daddy doesn't know how to make balloon dogs.” Buggy shrugged.
She immediately made a face again and began to scream, and cry.
Buggy rolled his eyes and hissed through his teeth . “Mother fuc~. Okay, I'll do it, just stop yelling!" He took the balloon, somehow inflated it and made something that vaguely resembled a dog. He gave it into his daughter's hands, and the balloon immediately burst. And Lily yelled even louder.
“Fu-u-ck! What does your mother do at such moments?” Buggy grabbed his head.
At that moment, one of the freaks knocked on the cabin. “Captain?!”
“WHAT?!” Buggy barked and went to the door.
“We are almost replenished, and we know where the Straw Hat's are going.” The freak gave him papers.
“I don't give a fuck about the Straw Hat right now.” He threw the papers back in the man's face. “I'm sitting with the daughter while Y/N is away.”
“Excuse me, Captian, you're not sitting with your daughter.” The freak shook his head.
“What? What are you talking about! Here s~.” Buggy pointed his finger at the place where he was sitting a couple of minutes ago.
“Where? Where's she? Where's the baby?” He grabbed the freak by the clothes and started shaking him. “Where is my daughter?”
“I don't know, Capta-a-in!!” The freak's head was bobbing like a bobblehead.
“Oh, fuck!! Oh, fuck!! Y/N will kill me. She will kill me!” Buggy grabbed his head and began to rush around the room. “Get out of the way!” He threw the freak aside and ran out of the cabin.
Buggy practically ran around the ship, calling his daughter's name in a whisper. He was afraid that you might appear earlier. He turned the corner and saw blue hair flash.
“Gotcha!” Buggy hugged Lily tighter and picked her up. “How did you manage to escape? For year and a half, you are a very fast girl! Don't scare dad like that again, okay?”
“Richie! Richie!” Lily grabbed Buggy by the hair and began to pull.
“Ouch! No-o-o! We're not going to Richie, Lily! He's probably sleeping.” Buggy carried the girl back to the cabin and sat her on the bed. “I don’t know what to do with you. Do you want to draw? Let’s draw!” He took out pencils and sheets of paper and gave them to her.
“Richie!” Lily threw everything on the floor.
“OK.” He scratched his head and looked around, “Do you want to play balll? Let's play ball!” He gave Lily a small yellow ball. “See? Are you happy? Please, my sweet candy, show daddy your happy face!”
“Richie!!” Lily threw the ball in Buggy's face.
“Damn!” He rubbed his forehead. “What should I do with you?!” Buggy grabbed his head and was ready to scream. “I know! Let daddy show you some chop chop tricks!” He separated his hand and gave it into his daughter's hands. “You see how dad can do it? Cool? Please, say it’s cool!!” Buggy was on the verge of hysterics.
“RICHIE!!!” Lily stomped her foot and threw her hand at Buggy's face.
“Fuck!” He attached his hand back. “Okay. Do you want to see Richie? Let's go to see Richie. Maybe he'll finally eat daddy.” Buggy muttered under his breath, took Lily in his arms and walked down the ship.
They entered the room where the lion was sitting, and Buggy put the girl on the floor. Lily looked at him and smiled.
“What? Why are you smiling? Finally satisfied, little s~?” He crossed his arms.
“Richie-e-e!” Lily happily ran towards the lion and began to try to climb onto him.
Buggy smiled and approached his daughter. He helped her climb up the lion and watched carefully to make sure she didn't fall. “That’s my girl! I'm so pr~”
“What are you doing here?” Buggy heard your voice behind him. “I came to the cabin, and your freaks told me that you were with Richie.” You walked up to Buggy and kissed him on the cheek. “How are you?”
“We’re great. It’s easy to sit with kids. I don't understand why you're complaining.”
“Liar.” You hugged him and placed your head on his shoulder.
“Has it been three hours already?” Buggy wrapped his arm around your waist.
“No. Just an hour. It turns out that I have a spa appointment for tomorrow. So you’ll have to sit with Lily tomorrow. By the way, I bought you a gift. Whiskey!” You pulled the bottle out from behind your back. “I also thought that maybe we could leave Lily to someone from the crew today and spend some time together? What do you think?” You snuggled closer to him and winked.
“I like this idea. And you know what I was thinking of, my velvet cake?” Buggy looked at you with the corner of his eye, glancing at Lily.
“About what, my beloved Captain?” You asked softly and ran your fingers along his neck.
“Let’s have another child?!”
#one piece#buggy the clown#buggy live action#one piece live action#buggy one piece#opla buggy the clown#buggy fanfiction#buggy fic#opla buggy the clown x reader#buggy the clown x reader#opla buggy the clown x you#buggy x female reader#buggy the clown x you#opla buggy x reader#buggy x you#buggy x reader
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it's five o'clock in the evening when the video call comes through from lí chényǔ's number --- though the moment the camera turns on, it becomes immediately obvious that the man himself isn't the one placing the call. wendy's face mostly fills the screen, her eyes wide with concern, gaze flitting side to side as if she's attempting to be sneaky. she carefully ( pointedly ) adjusts the angle of the camera just right, such that the patch of damp, discolored plaster ( and the black mold splotched across it ) in the corner of the ceiling comes into view. all the rain has set it to leaking again; even as she videos it, several drops of water fall and land on the cluttered floor beneath, soaking into some ratty old towels that have long since ceased to serve their purpose in keeping what little free floor space there is dry.
in the background, a tv is playing faintly --- by the sound of it, a game show from the mainland. chopsticks clink against a bowl --- michael. wendy glances over at him where he sits next to her on the cramped bottom bunk, then back to the camera. the rain pounds against the single-pane glass; the wind rattles the window in its frame, whistling around the nonexistent weatherstripping. someone coughs as if they're drowning in their own lungs --- lí chényǔ. wendy's face falls, and she surreptitiously tilts the camera just enough to capture the scene.
lí chényǔ sits hunched on the edge of the bed, wrapped in a heavy comforter, a thermometer hanging from the corner of his mouth. his head rests heavily in one hand, a smouldering cigarette perched precariously between his fingers; even from this angle, the unhealthy flush on his cheeks is obvious. the thermometer beeps, and he scrutinizes it, expressionless.
"gēge," wendy asks, "what's it say ?"
"méishénme," lí chényǔ replies hoarsely, with a dismissive wave of his hand. he turns away from his younger siblings, then sneezes violently twice, unable to stop himself from groaning faintly in discomfort afterwards.
michael glances over at wendy, then takes advantage of lí chényǔ's distraction while searching for tissues to snatch the thermometer away from him. "chénchén, why's your temperature 103 ?" he asks worriedly, reaching out rub lí chényǔ's back when his big brother starts coughing again. "you're sick, please don't go play tonight, look how bad the weather is !"
"i won't be long," lí chényǔ whispers in mandarin ( it seems to hurt him to talk. ) "i just ... need to make enough to buy something so i won't cough all night and keep you both up. you have school tomorrow." there's a beat; lí chényǔ sniffles miserably, then turns to wendy. "wénxīn, i need my phone --- "
the video cuts off abruptly. and then ---
[ text to / 徐文哲 ]: its wendy he says hes going to busk at union square when the rain stops. winnie gege what do i do 😭 chenchen is so sick and im scared 😭😭
[ for wenzhe, from lí chényǔ / @xiianxias ! ]
@xiianxias | annabel & lcy rip len's heart apart hours~
There's a lot Wenzhe associates Lí ChénYǔ to. Mostly things he doesn't want to speak out loud because they're romantic and flowery, dreamy and ridiculous. Certain hands and caresses of a musician, little habits and that contrasting cigarette, the tenderness of a good man coupled with the harshness of the world sitting on his back.
Eyes with enough in them to fill the basin of the sea stretching between this coast and the mainland. Tentative speech and the intelligence hiding behind the language barrier, broad shoulders nearly solely in the metaphorical sense because if his sleeves slip his arms are thin, a brother and father both, someone a thousand times better than Wenzhe will ever be without ever asking to be considered anything more than just capable enough to be allowed to continue being capable, that little smile and the Mandarin Wenzhe mouths after him and pretends it's not to imitate his lips.
Enough to get lost about, enough to lose focus during classes, enough to stop at corners and create connections between a busker he's not and the music he plays, between a drugstore and that terrible cough, between a restaurant and warm food he'd like his siblings to taste.
A whole lot of things.
He often forgets this part.
The cough. The look in those basins of the sea. The siblings. The hope. Careful. The sense of responsibility. The weight on those shoulders.
Wenzhe thinks of the beautiful man and the notes of one of the saddest instruments the world has created and too often doesn't associate its solemnity to its player.
Wenzhe almost walks into a pole.
In and out of a campus café where he works on his way back home, the food there isn't glamorous or gourmet, or even fresh at this hour, but it's soft and pastry, it's sweet, it's never as high-class as all Vienna has to offer in terms of chocolate and desserts, but it fills the stomach and makes sweet-tooth's sigh. Wenzhe doesn't quite know how to ask 'is it all right' and 'what do you like', so he forewent the mortification and just bought the damn thing.
If Lí ChénYǔ likes it, good, if he doesn't, mark it down for next time.
Now it feels heavy in his hands.
The call cuts too abruptly. He'd been too focused on not frowning at his screen, on ignoring the pain of slamming his shoulder into the pole to narrowly avoid it, on wrapping his mouth around the first syllables of 'what's wrong did something happen-' before Wendy beats him too it and knocks the words back off his tongue.
He tries not to panic. And almost sways with the relief at getting a text.
He didn't know what his brain had computed could have happened between Lí ChénYǔ's cough, Mandarin he doesn't understand, and Wendy suddenly disappearing off his screen. But if his heart races any faster, he'll lose it and his hair within the next 24 hours.
[ unsent text to | 😖😵💫🥺 ] i'm on my way, tell him if he tries to go out i'll
He halts in his power-walk and nearly slams into someone.
He'll what, exactly. They're not that close. Or… are they? No, they are. But… he'll what. What could he hold against him?
What can you hold against someone you want to give the world to?
He slams his phone onto his forehead and tries again.
[ text to | 😖😵💫🥺 ] i'm on my way, once i'm there i'll figure out how to help him, okay? thank you for calling me.
A frown.
[ text to | 😖😵💫🥺 ] you did well! always call me in situations like these, okay?
Or maybe… not?
He's jogging by the time he's decided he'll overthink it later, and by the time the alley's in sight, and his phone is stuck to his ear, he'll figure he'll be put back in his place soon enough, if Wendy picks up.
#xiianxias#the guilty;wenzhe#;answered#long post tw#tw long post#scREAMING and CRYING as the kids say GENERALLY NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME--#i mean evilly enough I AM i LOVE LOVE LOVE this and I LOVE LOVE LOVE LCY thank you for this#i'm subscribing to your writing eternally ♥ BUT ALSO#i hope this works~ YOU WROTE SUCH BEAUTIFUL PROSE to describe the environment and michael & wendy and well wenzhe's just#THINKING SO YKNOW i promise i'll properly have him react to the sight of the situation once he's BROKEN IN apparently i'm#setting up the VIBES maybe? IDK ANYWAYS also about the texting pls ignore the emojis#wenzhe used to save lcy on his phone it's wenzhe-emoji-talk for 'i have a crush and i'm about to lose my MIND-'#;queue#gosh i think the closer they grow the more wenzhe's interest in learning mandarin will be coupled with FEELINGS & FRUSTRATION#i'll elaborate on discy he's Something Else--
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Okay The Hashira taking care of a half human half demon baby? Like the baby can survive on human food and animals and are repulsed by human blood. Like the babies basically are found trying to explore new things like Nezuko in a way
Demon slayer masterlist
Demons with baby reader
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Shinjuro held you in the air and examined you. Kyojuro left you with his father while he and senjuro went to the market.
Leaving you with a former Hashira wasn't a good idea in hindsight but who would kill a child.
"Half human half demon huh?" He muttered to himself as he watched you move in his arms.
He lowered you to where you were nestled on his chest and he laid back.
Shinjiro and kyojuro came back to see you and their father asleep on the floor in your room.
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Giggles could be heard in the Tengen ousehold as it was dinner time.
Tengen was rolling on the floor with you as the girls made dinner.
"Hope the both of you worked up an appetite." Hina came in giggling at her husband on his back with you on his stretched-out feet.
"Ahh lord Tengen you have to be careful with them. They're just a child." Suma came in fusing over to pick you up
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Obanai didn't know how to take care of a child so he went to the closest person he knew, Mitsuri.
"Aww look how cute Obanai they eat human food." She gushed as she feed you.
Obanai watched in adoration as he couldn't help but think about how good she is with kids (people in general)
"Cool." Such a shallow response that held back everything he actually wanted to say.
If only he could tell her. (😭)
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"What am I supposed to do with you." Sanemi muttered as you crawled all over your temporary bedroom (a small room he didn't know what to do with).
"what do you eat?" He kneeled down to your height. You crawled up to him, using his knees to try and stand.
He poked your stomach causing you to lose balance and fall. You stared up at him, He stared down at you.
you started to huff.
'oh no' the thought 'they're gonna cry'
and cry you did. You screamed your lungs out as he tried everything to calm you down. He even tried to feed you his blood, which only made you scream louder.
He got you to calm down by giving you Ohagi. Turns out you love it almost as much as he does.
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"Time to go to bed Y/n." Giyuu said as he watched you play with your toys for like two hours.
You turned to him before giggling. Unfortunately for Giyuu, you knew how to run. You stood up and got ready for an unwanted game of tag and hide n seek.
"Don't even try, It's time for bed." Giyuu also got ready as this isn't the first time this happened.
In fact, this happens most nights and Giyuu is always the winner.
You ran out of the room with Giyuu close behind you. You rounded the corner at full speed. Too much speed. You hit the wall. Giyuu was quick to pick you up.
"This is why we don't run in the house." He comforted you by rubbing your head and bringing you to your room. You were asleep in his arms as he laid you down.
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All Muichirou wanted to do was train but since you were assigned to him his attention was all on you.
Currently, the 2 of you were having a staring contest as you both ate. You copied his movements, and he would just watch.
You never cried, screamed, or made much noise. You and Muichirou got along great.
He brought you to every Hashira meeting and he let you do your own thing.
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"Bu" you called to Shinobu from the pin she put you in. It was the only word you could say.
She looked up from her work over to you. You were standing holding on to the bar of the pin.
"Ah someone finally awake." She set her work aside and went to check on you.
"Bu Bu" You squealed as she picked you up.
"I'm here. I'm here."
You were the only reason she never worked herself to death.
✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･**･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿
#male reader#female reader#gn reader#demon slayer x reader#kny x reader#child reader#x child reader#kimetsu no yaiba x reader#kny x child reader#rengoku x reader#tengen x reader#tengen x wives x reader#obanai x reader#muichirou x reader#giyuu x reader#shinobu x reader#sanemi x reader#mitsuri x reader
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♡ slashers scenarios | y’all accidentally adopt a kid
♡ fandoms; Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (original + 2006), Dead by Daylight, slashers (general)
♡ characters; Micheal Myers, Thomas Hewitt, Bubba Sawyer
♡ reader; gender neutral
♡cw; parenthood (?), mentions of violence
♡notes; i work with toddlers all day yet still somehow get baby fever- so here’s this i guess lol.
i can’t see Brahms as a dad so skipped out on him this time, Vincent is iffy too but we might come back to him
•┈••✦ ❤ ✦••┈•
Micheal Myers
> micheal never wanted to be a father before he met you
> he knows for a fact he has something terribly wrong with him
> and while it never bothered him…it was far too dangerous to pass on
> but the way you light up when little kids on the street wave to you
> how you talked about building a family when you got drunk and sappy
> and how soft and gentle you were holding your friend’s baby…
> he knew you’d be the perfect parent, good enough to balance any bullshit he was bring to the table
> so it’s maybe not a complete accident when he stalks into the house with a banged up stroller out front
> the baby is crying, his parents passed out from some shit they snorted in the living room
> it makes his job easier when he slits their throats, and he’s sure as hell not sympathetic
> not that he ever is
> he follows the cries upstairs- a tiny little boy is wailing in his crib
> but he stops and stares at Micheal, blue eyes wide as he looms in the door
> at first Micheal thinks the racket it going to start again and braces for the scream
> but the boy reaches for him eagerly instead, making grabby hands and squealing
> it takes a bit of snooping but Micheal finds some paperwork after he’s secured the child in a carrier
> Miles. The boy’s name is Miles, and he’s ten months old- just tiny for his age
> you think he’s fucking with you when he sets a baby carrier on your table that night
> “…that’s Miles.” He mutters and walks away
> you’re pissed but you can’t say you have anything but an urge to protect this tiny boy
> he has red hair, and light freckles and the sweetest disposition
> he’s perfect, surely Micheal wouldn’t just steal a child…not without good reason
> and you notice Micheal still lingering, watching you both
> you try not to smile
> “…well. Gonna help me find somewhere he can sleep or not?”
Thomas Hewitt
> when Charlie brings in the little girl, Luda Mae is beyond excited
> she had no idea the couple she’d sent down their road had a baby
> her dark curls and chubby legs and ruddy pink cheeks remind her so much of Thomas at that age too
> not too far off from one if she’s got it right
> she’s thinking selfishly, she’s always wanted a daughter
> but Thomas’ eyes go so wide when you both walk in
> he’s in awe of the tiny lil thing sleeping against his mama’s shoulder
> he won’t hold her, terrified of hurting her
> but you’re eager to take her for a bit and he gets real close, chin hooked on your shoulder so he can inspect her closely
> she’s all giggles as she touches his mask
> and you’re nearly in tears when she snuggles up against you
> “…yknow…i’ve been thinkin. i’m much closer to grandmama age than mama age now”
> you say yes before Luda can finish her ask - there was nothing you wanted more than a child with Thomas
> he’s hesitant, but he already adores her
> you have no way of knowing her name, so what you should call her is a bit of a hot topic for a few days
> Charlie wants to name her Charlotte because he’s a self centered bastard , and Luda Mae has about a thousand suggestions that come from baby books decades older than you
> but you let Thomas decide
> Audrey Mae Hewitt is what he chooses
> Audrey from a book he read
> Mae from his mama
> and it suits her perfectly
Bubba Sawyer
> “hey cook! look what i got!”
> Drayton about beats Choptop in the plate when he sees him carrying a toddler under his arm like a log
> but he’s kind of impressed such a scrawny dirtbag can carry a chunky kid like that
> the little boy is a healthy weight for two or so, with lil chipmunk cheeks that dimple when he grins
> and the cutest damn mullet you’ll ever see
> Drayton is getting too damn old for this, and there’s only one person he trusts even a minuscule amount in the house
> so he just. hands him to you when you walk into the front room
> “congratulations, it’s a boy”
> you’re confused but excited
> and a bit concerned with how he and Bubba will feel once the man gets home
> a kid is a big commitment- and a man that wears people’s faces can be scary
> but Bubba immediately squeals and beelines for the little one when he staggers in
> they both tilt their heads curiously before the boy tries to climb up his leg
> when he picks him up, the boy gives a huge belly laugh, kicking his legs
> you choose his name- politely declining your boyfriend’s brothers’ insistence on Lil Choppy or Drayton II
> Jedediah Junior sounds perfect to you - little JJ
#slashers#micheal myers#thomas hewitt#micheal myers x reader#slashers x reader#thomas hewitt x reader#bubba sawyer#halloween#slashers x you#tcm#slashers x y/n#slashers headcanons#tcm 2006#tcm 2#bubba sawyer x reader
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𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 + 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 ☆
𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝: 𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐞. 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐦 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐢𝐦𝐦𝐚 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐬 𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐞 :𝟑
𝐭𝐰𝐬/𝐜𝐰𝐬: 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐧 𝐠𝐮𝐭𝐬 (𝐣𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐦), 𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐞𝐣.
𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: 𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐚𝐟 𝐢𝐦 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐧. 𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐝𝟎 (𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐫)
𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐇𝐂𝐒 ->
We’ve had our era years ago of unnecessary twinkification or crps, it’s time to be fr
He’s 6’6. Cause. Yeah. As shown in the middle image above, he’s a big dude. MUSCLES!!!!!
He literally eats people and I personally hc he hunts them down himself, ESPECIALLY if he’s super hungry. So he’s gotta have some muscle on him. (Foaming at the mouth rn)
Has ombré (retractable) claws u will not change my mind. His blood is either the same kinda ooze that comes from his eyes or a dark blue
He’s really fucking warm. Like he’s a god to be around in the winter because he’s just insanely hot. Figuratively and literally
I’m tryna figure out what he voice sounds like in my head, I definitely think it’s really deep. Forgive me but I think he’d sound a bit like corpse husband
He can definitely growl, but almost never does it because there’s no reason to since he’s level headed and hard to piss off, but also because it’s genuinely scary 😭😭
Not my original hc but I saw someone once saying he purrs in his sleep and AGH YES!!!
Has thermal vision: I think I mentioned this before, but I really enjoy this hc. As I’ve Also said before, he’s got really sensitive hearing and smell because of his lack of proper sight.
Is a gentle giant 100%. As much as Jeff can try his hardest to piss him off, he’s hyper aware of his strength and how easily he could tear someone apart if he lost control and that’s the last thing he wants, so he makes sure to keep his cool
Even if he’s somehow managed to get pissed off, if he can’t leave the situation he’ll just get more verbally aggressive (never physically) but if he CAN leave the situation, he removes himself immediately to make sure he or anyone else isn’t hurt.
Is actually really good with Sally and young kids in general, but has no idea how to handle babies. At all. Mostly because he’s scared he’ll drop them, but also because he can’t communicate with them like he can with young kids, and the crying and screaming babies do really upsets his sensitive hearing and ears 😭
Rarely removes his mask around the other creeps, and only really takes it off infront of sally and when it’s a small group of calmer proxies.
Loves loves LOVES to read books. It’s his favourite thing to do in his spare time
He either really loves or hates coffee, I haven’t made my mind up. But I’m pretty certain that he never drinks alcohol, because he doesn’t ever want to be put in a situation where he’s out of control.
Probably smells blood after he’s eaten, but most of the time has a really nice earthy kinda scent to him
He uses Aussie hair products fight me rn. Look me in the eyes and tell me he doesn’t have luscious curls..
uhm sorry he likes sealife and worships David Attenborough i dont make the rules
Really likes the Lego Batman movie. I won’t elaborate
𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐇𝐂𝐒 ->
As I said before, gentle giant
Isn’t overly affectionate at first because he’s a lot more nervous than given credit for, and will sometimes overthink it if he wants to hug you or hold your hand because he’s scared of his claws or misjudging his own strength.
So if you wanna hug him I think he’d, at first, just kinda stand there awkwardly and stiffly but would probably give your head a soft pat or rub your back if you insist.
Eventually he’d probably become a lot more comfortable, and more secure and confident that he wouldn’t hurt you
(It’ll take quite a bit or convincing but oh well)
Is more than happy to let you read with him or be in the Same room as him, no matter what you’re doing. Just being in each others company is sweet and enough :D
hugs from behind from this man would be legendary bro. ESPECIALLY CAUSE HES SO WARM AUGH 💔💔
i dont think hes as possessive as the other creeps (cough cough the diy scrub daddy) (jeff) but he can certainly be protective imo
godly cook. bro.. i want him to make me food rn..
as in u call up this mf at 3 in the morning to ask for some spaghetti bolognese with extra cheese and my boy is in the kitchen before u can blink
like the real man he is 🔥🔥🔥🔥
look me in the eyes and try and tell me his claws wouldn't give GODLY scalp massages bro.
Is really good damn attentive, especially when it comes to people he cares for. As in he knows ur sleeping, eating, breathing patterns like the back of his hand to make sure that he notices immediately if anything is wrong
Likes watching his partner sleep NOT IN A CREEPY WAY. just probably finds it really enjoyable and endearing to see someone he cares for so much in such a vulnerable and calm state
He’s so silly I’m in love with him
I’m honestly not sure what kinda pet names he would use, because he doesn’t seem the type to use the generic “babe/baby” to me, but he’s def not like Jeff (who will come up with the most downright jaw droppingly nasty names ever for fun)
He’d probably use either “sweetheart” or “darling” nothing too major, but would probably just mostly use a shortened version of your name or a nickname he gives u. He silly he bbg
Really loves cats. Really really loves them, and will get on one knee and propose to you if you have any (/hj.)
>>>
𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐚/𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐭, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐞𝐣 𝐬𝐨 :𝟑
𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: 𝐧𝐨𝐩
#creepypasta headcanon#creepypasta fanart#creepypasta fanfic#creepypasta fic#eyeless jack hc#eyeless jack#eyeless jack fanart#eyeless jack creepypasta#eyeless jack headcanon#eyeless jack x you#eyeless jack x reader#eyeless jack x y/n#creepypasta ej#ej creepypasta#creepypasta#creepypasta ej headcanons#slenderman#slenderverse#slendermansion#slender manor#slendermanor#slender mansion#i am tiger!!
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The Tooth Fairy
Summary: Your daughter gets a generous visit.
Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader
A/N: Sorry for the weird format, I’m on my phone. Also, fun game, drink everytime you find the word fairy in this fic 🧚
“Mom!”
Your daughhter’s scream puts you immediately on edge.
Her voice is quivering, as if she’s not sure she should be crying over what’s happening.
“What is it, sweetie?” you kneel next to her on the playground, mentally counting all her fingers and checking for injuries. You have to stay calm for her sake.
“My tooth fell off” Anya says, showing it to you. “Does this mean that I can’t eat chocolate anymore?”
“No, sweetheart, it’s fine” you pick her up and carry her to the park bench. “These are called baby teeth. They’ll fall off and then you’ll get your new ones. And those are for good.”
“Promise?”
“Well, yes. Unless you eat too much chocolate. Then you’ll get cavities”
Anya keeps looking at the tooth in her hand and then offers it to you. Closing one eye, you examine it as if it were a diamond.
“The tooth fairy is gonna be real happy with this one”
“There’s a fairy?” Anya perks up and you smile.
“Oh, yes. You have to leave it under your pillow with a small note and then they’ll pick it up. Leave you a dollar or two if they think it’s a good tooth”
“I wanna write the note, can we go home now?”
“Yes, sweetie” you carry her, relieved now that Anya seems happier.
—-
It’s not an easy task, but you persuade Anya to wait for her other mom to write the note. You’re sure Natasha wouldn’t wanna miss it.
After all, this is the same woman that almost cried when she was away on a mission and your daughter sneezed for the first time.
“I’m home” you hear the door open and close. Anya smiles, eager to tell her mom about the highlight of the day.
“Mama” she jumps to her arms, wavy red hair flying as Natasha catches her.
“Someone is very happy to see me”
“I’m happy to see you too” you say, leaning forward and giving her a quick kiss.
“Then why aren’t you jumping into my arms?”
“Mama, I’m going to meet the tooth fairy!” Anya interrupts you, pulling her tooth from the pocket of her pants.
“Your first tooth? And I missed it?”
Damn it, she’s gonna cry again. You can’t have that.
“Baby, you didn’t miss it. Anya still has to write a letter. She’s been waiting for you”
“Yeah, come on” Anya bounces on her arms, encouraging Natasha to go to the living room.
“I’ll work on dinner while you two do that, ok?” you kiss Natasha’s cheek and let her enjoy the time with Anya.
From your spot on the kitchen, you can hear Anya asking all sorts of questions about the fairy lore.
She’s a smart kid, so all Natasha does is hand her the crayons she requests. Anya falls silent, and then begins to write the letter.
“All done?” your wife says and Anya covers the sheet of paper with her tiny hands.
“This is a secret letter”
Natasha looks at you, both struggling to hold your smiles.
“Dinner’s ready” you announce, serving pasta.
Anya giggles when the spaguetti goes through the whole her tooth left.
“Baby, don’t play with your food like that” you scold. Then you turn to Natasha for support, only to find her creating a spaguetti mustache that leaves her face full of sauce. “Honestly, Natalia”
“Mama is in trouble” Anya laughs.
“She’s doing the dishes, that’s for sure” you agree.
After dinner, Natasha prepares a bath for Anya while you clean the kitchen. You both know you’re too obsessive to leave the cleaning to anyone else.
You go to the study to write a small thank you note for Anya from the tooth fairy. You even add some glitter for extra flare.
Tucking it in the back of your pocket, you walk into your daughter’s room to wish her goodnight.
“Is it under your pillow?” you check and she nods, yawning.
“I wanna wait for them”
“Oh, the fairy only shows up when you’re asleep, darling. Like Santa”
“Are they friends?” Anya says, quickly falling asleep.
“Yeah, you could say they’re practically the same person” Natasha whispers and you nudge her with your elbow. Anya is already asleep, so it doesn’t really matter if she heard that last part.
Quietly, you take the letter from under her bed and place yours instead.
“Why are your hands all shiny?” Natasha asks as you’re getting ready for bed.
“Welll, I am a fairy, baby. Haven’t you heard?” you tap the tip of her nose, leaving some glitter on it.
“I’m happy I was here for this” Natasha says against your shoulder as you cuddle.
“Me too” you say, your eyelids heavy. “Oh, crap. I forgot to leave the money under Anya’s pillow”
“That’s ok, I’ll do it”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea. You’re the stealthy spy here” you smile when Natasha kisses your neck and leaves the bed. You’re so tired you fall asleep before she comes back.
—
The smell of coffee wakes you up.
Coffee and pancakes. Stretching, you get out of bed, feeling relaxed and happy.
“Hey, baby” you greet your wife, admiring her toned arm muscles accentuated by the white tank top.
“Morning, detka” she smiles, adding more pancakes to the plate next to the stove. “Breakfast is ready”
“I’m hungry for other things” you lift the edge of her tank top, scratching Natasha’s abs with your nails. She follows your lead, tilting her head and parting her lips to let your tongue explore her mouth.
“Mom, mama!” Anya says, running out of her room. You sigh against Natasha’s lips and step away. “They were here! I woke up and there was a letter with some glitter”
“That’s awesome, sweetie” you smile, pouring yourself a cup of coffee. You turn to your daughter as you take a sip.
“And look! She left me this!”
Anya waves a hundred dollar bill in front of you, making you choke on your coffee.
“Wow, that fairy won the lottery since the last time I saw her” you catch your breath.
“Is this enough to buy a pony?”
“No, darling. Go set the table, I’ll bring you some juice and pancakes, ok?”
“Can I watch tv while having breakfast?”
“Fine” Natasha answers and you wait for your daughter to be out of earshot to talk to her. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Uh, baby, did you leave all that money for Anya?”
“Yes, I didn’t know how much to put and you were asleep”
“Ok, for future reference, five bucks is more than fine” you smile, placing your hands on her shoulders.
“I’m sorry” she looks defeated and you try to cheer her up.
“Don’t be, it’s fine. We’ll use the savings we have for the rest of the teeh and then send her to community college”
“Stop!” Natasha rolls her eyes.
“Come on, it’s ok” you kiss her softly. “We’ll tell her that the fairy had to pay her mortgage and is broke. I’ll even add less glitter on the next letter”
“You’re taking this glitter thing too seriously”
“Well, we have to rely on Alexei to play Santa. At least I get to have some fun with this”
—
Later that day, as your friends get together for a barbecue, Anya shows everyone the place where her tooth once was; luckily, she left the money at home.
That doesn’t stop Billy and Tommy from finding out. Pretty soon, they’re asking their mom about the tooth fairy and if there’s a special deal for twins.
“They left 100 dollars for Anya” Billy shouts and everyone falls silent.
“Oh, wow. Maybe the fairy can visit me as well” Sam smiles. You kick him under the table.
Unfortunately for Natasha, you have to explain everything when Wanda convinces the twins to go back to play.
“Don’t sweat it, Red. Everything’s so expensive nowadays, it’s only fair Anya starts saving now”
“Oh, you’re one to talk” Pepper points at Tony. “He left a blank check under Morgan’s pillow the first time she lost a tooth”
Everyone laughs at that, Tony adjusting in his seat.
“Would you like to adopt me?” Sam asks after a minute.
—
“I got the door” you whisper. Natasha is carrying Anya to her room. It was a fun afternoon of playing with friends and then doing the math on how many plushies she could get with all that money.
She’s fast asleep, and you wait by the door as Natasha tucks her in.
“You ok?” you want to double check, knowing she can be insecure about motherhood.
“I just wish I knew everything”
“Well, so do I. I wish I knew how to stay calm. Remember last week when she hurt her hand with the stove? I thought I was going to throw up and you handled it while I panicked”
“It’s nothing”
“It’s a lot, Tasha. We love you. And we need you” you kiss her softly and she smiles against your lips.
“Wanna read the letter?” you offer once you’re settled in bed. Your wife nods and you take it out of your nighstand. “Dear Miss Fairy - very formal. This is my tooth, it felll off while I was playing. Mom told me you take them and leave some money. My Mama helped me draw this. I love my moms and I want to buy them ice cream and chocolate with the money you give me. Hugs, Anya Romanoff”
“She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You both are” Natasha says as you cuddle, kissing her neck.
“We love you”
“So, what do we do next time?”
“We tell her the fairy is getting heer a car at 16 and hopefully she’ll forget about it by then” you smile, confident.
Of course, she doesn’t.
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twitter
nishimura riki + fem! reader. word count 1,5k. not idols au/school au. warnings stalking (?) this one-shot is probably the most unserious thing i've ever written. not proofread.
"i checked your twitter account," said riki, trying to maintain a serious face and failing miserably, a few giggles came out of his mouth while he attempted to act normal.
"eh? that's not possible, my account is private" you looked at him with confusion, trying to decipher his weird laugh.
your twitter account has been a recurrent topic since both became friends, first of all because; who doesn't have twitter? it was the diary of the new generations, most of the teenagers had a profile in there! of course, you were one of them, but the way that you treated your account like confidential information made the japanese boy pretty suspicious.
it was a private account with no more than 15 followers, most of them probably were internet friends because it wasn't a novelty that you were not social by any means, on the contrary, you could be considered a loner, because of that, the apparent "state secret" hiding in your profile made ni-ki more than curious about what you could be secreting.
"i don't want you to get mad at me" pleaded, following that he proceeded to show you an interesting account that you knew well.
a profile named 'riri', with one of those famous headers with silly quotes you can find on pinterest and as an icon an orange cat with the emoji ☝️ referring to the recent meme that became viral, to finalize the bio was decorated with the phrase 'proud hater'. you got a request from that account just a few weeks ago, it followed most of the people you followed so it wasn't any suspicious to you, besides that's how you made a few of your friends! Following or being followed by oomfs of your oomfs, that's how social media works.
"that's you?" your voice raised annoyed and nervous, "you used that account to stalk me?!" with anger, you got up from your seat on the school rooftop.
"i wanted to know why you're hiding things from me!" his tone matched yours, being not loud enough to be heard by the other students who navigated through the school.
"if i hide things from you there's a reason!" your mood escalated from there, not only did your anger grow bigger but an immense urge to cry hit you.
“i-i know… I’m sorry y/n, i thought it would be something stupid, not that you like me”
riki brings your biggest secret into the conversation without any filter, dropping it like a not-warned bomb that fell into you and unloaded the last level of emotions you were hiding on a facade of pure rage.
now everything made sense, his giggly laugh without a reason while looking at you, the weird things he said that seemed like an inner joke you could not understand, the weird “i know your secret” he released randomly in your conversations... you thought it was all a joke! it's nishimura riki that we’re talking about. He enjoys pranking and tends to do and say weird stuff, it could be a completely normal behavior for him, but no, this time it wasn't.
“why did you think doing this was a good idea?” you claimed, hiding your face between the palms of your hands while a few tears slid down your face.
“sunoo once said that he knows you like me, so heeseung gave me the idea of stalking your accounts for any signal but your accounts are private… so he helped me by making a stalking account, i know it was wrong. i'm sorry, please don't cry” he begged after confessing everything, trying to get near you therefore he could calm you at least a little bit.
“sunoo and heeseung know?!” you blurted, your eyes opened as if you were trying to imitate an owl’s gaze, and your hands transitioned from covering your face to holding it, any similarity with ‘the scream’ by edvard munch is just a coincidence.
“the whole group knows” announced, opening the hell gates with a simple phrase.
“riki are you kidding me?! i don't care that you know even if you violated my privacy, because i would've told you sooner or later, but your friends?! how humiliating, i’m never coming to school again” and the catharsis started, a big flow of verbal vomit came out of your mouth going from ‘they're probably making fun of me right now’ to ‘i’m gonna delete all my social media and never use my phone again’ all of this accompanied by fat tears.
the poor boy felt hopeless, watching you practically going insane in front of him without knowing what to do to help you, or more reasonably: how to amend his mistake. luckily for him, his guardian angels appeared in the scene to help him, hiding behind the door of the rooftop heeseung (the one responsible for this mess) and jungwon (a heart warmed soul who wanted to help his friend) were hiding, their faces full of horror admiring the scene that was unloading in front of them. what happens next is worthy of a comedic movie. His friends started a physical and exaggerated demonstration of how he should calm you, hugging each other and emphasizing comfort acts such as back patting and forehead kissing. ni-ki would've burst out laughing if it wasn't for you crying like a baby.
“please don't cry, i’m sorry, you can beat me all you want if it makes you feel better” proposed completely seriously, while slowly without trying to upset you more he got closer, searching to imitate the “comforting” hug he saw his friends do, let's not lie… it was a bit awkward, but he tried and that's okay.
gradually you ended up relinquishing the embrace, starting by clinging to him delicately and finishing by squeezing his torso the strongest you could.
“beating you is not enough, i need you to die” your voice came out weird because of the amount of strength you were applying to the “hug”, but despite that, your head relied on his chest.
“you will suffer a lot without me!” a small laugh flew out of his mouth, refreshing the conversation. “are you still mad at me?” the nishimura looked down, searching for your face and any kind of reaction from it.
“yes” your response was cut and short, it could've worried your crush if it wasn't for the water dripping off your nose because of all the crying.
“u-uhm, i have something to tell you, maybe this will help you feel better” his heart started to beat faster and you could feel it through the hug, he cleared his throat in a way of trying to shake the nerves out, “the reason i did all of this stupid plan was that… i had hopes that you talked about me there, uhm…” a small pause to take a big breath after the confession interrupted the moment, but he quickly picked up the conversation, “my friends encouraged me to confess, specially sunoo, you know that he has a sixth sense with gossip” joked.
“you're telling me that… you did all of this because you like me?” you asked dumbfounded, the question got him more embarrassed than he already was, why did it make him sound so stupid?
he nodded, ignoring your attempt at visual contact while trying to hold back his smile. “then, do you feel better now?”
“no” denied, “but i know what can make me feel better” and after saying that, a naughty smile appeared on your face.
“what? i will buy you a lot of food from the cafeteria if that's what you want-”
his phrase got interrupted by you, who continued speaking, “do you remember… when i found that folder on your phone that had a ton of pictures of you trying to fake your muscles? how would you feel if i told your friends about it?” ni-ki’s smile disappeared instantly, now his face reflected nothing more than true terror.
in a matter of seconds, your bodies separated and you started running to the rooftop door. riki knew what you were trying to do, getting into the school, searching for his friends, and revealing his shameful secret! this can't be, but after being a bad friend things were not on his side, he tried following you the fast as he could but forgot a small detail, his friends hiding behind the gate. as soon as you got to the exit the spot where the two boys were hiding got exposed and both seemed nervous about that, but you couldn't care less.
“hi, guys! it's so nice to see you, i have something amazing to tell you!” your acting, so giggly and happy relaxed jungwon and heeseung who were scared of being scolded for spying. “did you know that riki-”
at that exact moment, the japanese covered his ears, not wanting to hear all the things you might be saying to his comrades who surely were going to make fun of him until the day he died. well, at least he can make fun of them because he got a girlfriend (even if you aren't his girlfriend yet) and they don't!
#enhypen x reader#ni ki x reader#enhypen ni ki#enhypen niki#nishimura riki x reader#nishimura riki#enhypen fluff#enhypen scenarios#enhypen reactions#enhypen imagines#enhypen oneshots#ni ki fluff#ni ki imagines
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MATTHEO RIDDLE: DATING HEADCANONS
A/N: if you’re looking for a “bad boy” with behavioral issues, but none of the homicidal tendencies, look no further than Tom Riddles son! (Or in some cases his brother, an idea I still don’t understand)
Honestly he flirts with you at first as a joke.
Which sounds bad! I know! But he wasn’t doing it to make fun of you. He’s a flirt, that’s just who he is, it’s harmless fun.
That’s the dynamic for a while: the whole annoying classmate and/or housemate that teases you who you say you can’t stand but are sad when they aren’t in class.
Once he does start to develop a crush on you, the teasing let’s up, and he starts just having genuine conversations with you.
You think this is him losing interest in you, so imagine your surprise when he says, “you know you’re my girlfriend, right?”.
And that was the start of the relationship!
Let’s get real here: Mattheo would not be a “bad boy 🥰”. He’s a boy with serious authority and anger issues. The childhood trauma this boy has from having Voldemort as his father is through the fucking roof.
The relationship is very fragile, it’s a on-again-off-again type of relationship for a long time.
One minute he’s the best boyfriend you’ve ever had, and the next you’re screaming at him to get away from you because of something he’s said or done.
It always ends the same: you ignore each other for a while, no one apologizes, and then one day Mattheo will start talking to you again like the argument 2 weeks ago didn’t happen. Now you’re back together.
This relationship is never going to last though unless Mattheo can work through his personal problems.
Mattheo wouldn’t be a bad ex to have, unless you two ended on a bad note. Mattheo enjoys ruining other people’s life/day for fun, and he will do the same to you if you crossed him in some way.
On a good note!! Let’s get the sweet side of him:
Loves to play with your hair. Takes the ends of your hair and twirls them around his finger.
Gets you things he thinks you would like, even if it’s just a little trinket he saw while out at Hogsmeade, he will buy it and bring it back to you saying he has a surprise for you.
Loves to situate himself between your legs, resting his head on you, his cheek squished against your chest as you run your nails lightly across his upper back.
Helps you study by making up ridiculous games to play using cards. It also helps take your mind off the nervousness you may have about said test.
If you’re having a bad day he won’t hesitate to sweep his thumb under your eyes, wiping the tears away and pulling you in for bone crushing hug.
Has no problem letting you cry it out on his shoulder, and honestly gives you great advice, no matter your situation.
Is always on your side!! Literally your #1 supporter.
Even when you two are on a break and you’re not speaking to each other, he will not let anyone disrespect you. Any hateful word uttered about you is met with him smashing said persons face in.
Mattheo takes care of your needs first in bed. Makes you cum before he’ll fuck you.
It doesn’t matter if he has to finger you, eat you out, etc. he’ll do it every time if it’ll get you off.
Loves aftercare, is very touchy after the fact, and it’s why (contrary to popular belief) he’s not the biggest fan of quickies.
Might call you a ‘bitch’ and a ‘whore’ in bed, but never outside of that.
He refers to you as “my girl” to his friends, but uses pretty generic pet-names to your face.
Will refer to you as his “sweet girl” even if you’re an absolutely terrible human being!!
Because to them you may be awful, but to him you’re the best things that’s ever walked earth.
Marriage/Father bonus:
First of all: doesn’t want kids.
You two probably won’t have kids because he’d be very cautious.
But!!! If you two did have an accidental baby, he’d be a girl dad.
Though he didn’t want kids at first, he is a good dad in the end. Well, as good as someone with his trauma can be.
Tries to be the father that his wasn’t.
You two get married either way!! It’s your dream wedding, he will spare no expenses for you. If it makes you happy, he’ll find a way to make it happen.
#this is not proof read so if there mistakes#I’ll just have to fix them later#anyway#love our residential bad boy#mattheo riddle imagine#mattheo x you#mattheo x y/n#mattheo x reader#mattheo riddle x reader#mattheo riddle#mattheo riddle x you
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✮ BLONDIE : PT 1
°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•
↳ nick sturniolo x masc reader
↳ words - 2239
↳ summary - you’ve been having a hard time realizing and accepting the fact that you’re gay, and in love with your best friend. you try to ignore the feelings but that only makes everything worse until you can’t hide it anymore.
↳ contains - swearing, angst, use of y/n, internalized homophobia, depression, crying, idk??? [READ PT 2 - PT 3]
↳ song - blondie by current joys
°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•
°:. *₊ ° . ☆
nick has been my best friend for years, he’s always been there for me, and me there for him. we met in the first grade when he saw me alone at recess on the swings and he ran up to me, asking if i wanted to play with him and his brothers. one of the many things i love about him, hes always there, always there to help, or just be with. from that day on he’s always been my number one but honestly, i’ve been kind of avoiding him lately.
of course i don’t want to, i really really don’t want to, trust me, but i don’t want to make anything bad between us either. even though pushing him away is probably fucking things up anyway.
the thing is, for months, maybe even years now i think that i might be coming to a realization: i think i’m gay, or not gay but bi? i hate labels, i dont want to be put into a box, its honestly just hard to fit into one too. i mean i’ve had girlfriends before and i’ve liked that, but nick…
okay i might be coming to another realization: i think i’m in love with nick. and to make everything worse, i can’t even talk to anyone about this because the only person i would tell is nick, but if i told him, well i just cant, it could destroy our friendship. he’d hate me, i cant lose him.
but maybe i’m not in love with him, i mean i love nick, i always have but maybe its not love love? maybe its just me appreciating our friendship more. okay who am i kidding it’s definitely becoming more, I LOVE HIM. he’s just perfect, in general, to me, to everyone. i want to spend every moment of my life with him, i want to hug him and never let him go, i want to be with him, i just want to see him again.
i can’t even imagine what he’d say if he knew i liked him. he’d probably be disgusted, i’d ruin our friendship forever. i cant do that, i can’t risk anything like that, i need him even if that means the best thing i can do is just stay away, make up lies of why i cant hang out, slowly stop texting him, i mean maybe it's not the best thing but its either i do this and try and force these feelings down or i tell him and ruin everything. this is better, or at least that’s what i keep telling myself.
☆ °:. *₊ ° . °
nick 🫶
| wanna hang out today? haven’t seen you in forever, i’m boredddd
| i know i’m sorry, but i cant today, really really sorry. still not feeling good
| that’s okay, hope you feel better though 💕 if you need anything tell me okay?
| i’d rather hang out with you and get sick then spend one more second with my idiot brothers over here 💀
i stare at the message on my screen, i’m not sick, i’m just trying to be a good friend… by avoiding my best friend… sure, whatever.
i slam down my phone on my mattress, rolling over and burying my face in my pillow. muffled screams from my mouth as tears, start to pour from my eyes. every time i message him, saying i cant hang out i immediately regret it. i want to see him, i always do but again, i cant, i fucking cant. it would only make my feelings stronger and i just need to get rid of them as soon as i can so things can just go back to how they were.
fuck, here comes the spiral that ive been replaying in my head forever. do i even really like him? am i really bi, gay, straight, whatever the fuck? i don’t even know, it’s all too confusing and stressful right now. why can’t i just be me? and have my best friend with me again? actually hang out with him, see him?
all i can really do right now is continue screaming and crying into my pillow about how much of a shitty friend i’m being, great. I constantly stalk his instagram, trying to see if i do really like him and try to see what he’s up to without me, i miss him so much.
…i wish he was a girl then i would be straight and all this shit wouldn’t hurt so much. i’m not trying to say that being gay is bad, all i’m saying is that it would be easier to figure all this out if i was straight and he was a girl. i know that’s so messed up to say but i don’t know how else to put it.
if he was a girl, i’d know that i’m in love with him, i wouldn’t be so afraid to accept myself because there wouldn’t be anything to accept. i’d just be me and he’d she’d be him her, i’d get to be his her boyfriend and we’d be a happy couple. i’d be happy and i wouldn’t have to push the person i love most in this stupid world away…
i smash my face into my silky white pillowcase over and over, shaking my head as i force the sides of the pillow into my face more. i want to suffocate.
i scream into my pillow more and more. ‘i love you nick, i love you nick, i love you. i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you… but i do, i really really do, but i cant… i really really fucking cant.’
°:. *₊ ° . ☆
i stay rotting in my bed, spiraling about random shit, taking random quizzes of ‘am i gay?’ or ‘am i in love with my bestfriend?’ or ‘is it a crush?’ like i know.
soft blankets cover me, my silky pillows supporting my back as i rewatch rupaul's drag race on my computer until i finish it again, oreos and empty dr pepper cans surround me. and of course, nick always in my mind, everything reminding me of him, those stupid quizzes, his favorite show, his favorite drink. i wish he could be here, like how we used to hang out before i started ruining everything but i could be ruining it more, at least im keeping my mouth shut.
every once and a while, a message from nick pops up. him sending me a tiktok or telling me about how spacecamp is going or just something random, asking how im doing, if im still sick. most times i try to ignore him, turning off the notifications but i answer sometimes, only one or two words, maybe just an emoji, just trying to say something. i don’t want him to think i hate him or anything, i still of course love him.
the only time i ever get up from my bed is to go the the bathroom or get more food, ive been wearing the same two sweatpants alternating them and random shirts that i throw on the floor after i wear them for enough. my hair shaggy and a scratchy stubble on my face. i look and feel gross. i didnt think that forcing my best friend away and trying to figure out my sexuality could make me this depressed, who knew.
☆ °:. *₊ ° . °
weeks pass of me ignoring (or at least trying to ignore) nick and weeks of screaming into my sheets and sleeping all day become more and more. i finally decide to leave my apartment and stock up on some random things that will help me rot in my room even more: coffee, chips, oreos, whatever else i might want.
as i scan the aisle for dr pepper, standing in my gray hoodie with the hood covering me and one of the two sweatpants i’ve been wearing on, i hear a voice at the end of the row calling to me, “y/n?” my head turns to see who knows me that’s here, about to see how disgusting i look and just my luck, it’s nick.
“nick” a bright smile floods my face, i haven’t seen him for what seems like forever, i look at his blonde hair with grown out brunette roots, plus that signature nose ring and star earrings, of course he looks great.
he runs up to me, giving me a warm hug as he smiles too, “oh my god i haven’t seen you in decadessss” he exaggerates, laughing at me, “you feeling better now?” i tilt my head a little, confused but then i remember my lie. “oh yeah, i am. even though i dont look it” i try to scoff a laugh, looking down at myself, excusing how ‘i dont care’ i look right now.
“you look fine.” he laughs back again, “you know… me, chris and matt were gonna go out for dinner soon, wanna come?” i can tell he really wants me to be there and i really want to but i try to push it away, still.
“uhhh, i think had something later, sorry” my small smile slowly fading as his does too, i don’t think i’ve seen his smile leave that fast. “really? we haven’t talked in weeks, i miss you” he jokes a little, but really we do miss each other.
“i know, i’m sorry, but i promise we’ll hang out soon yeah?” i try to fake a small smile, trying to make this a little better but nick still looks sad, “yeah okay, see you later then?” he looks like he hates me, he looks just annoyed, hurt. i feel terrible.
“yeah, later” i’m about to walk closer to give him another hug but he leaves, to i assume go find his brothers, before i can. i’m terrible.
i finish up grabbing my things before leaving and driving off, replaying our interaction in my head. i could’ve just went? it was one dinner, that’s all. not a big deal. but it’s too late, it would just be weird if my schedule suddenly cleared up now.
°:. *₊ ° . ☆
i make my way back to my apartment, putting my bags down on the counter before going straight to my room again, flopping down on top of the pile of blankets and stuffed animals that cover my bed.
i dig in my pocket for my phone, taking it out as i grab a blanket to pull it over my face, closing off the sun that shines through my window.
i go straight to me and nicks messages, thinking of texting him. ‘i’m sorry’ too short, plain. ‘sorry, i was wrong i can go’ feels like i’m pitying him, plus just dumb. ‘i love you’ yeah definitely not. ‘come over? sorry’ again, stupid and he can NOT see the mess i have over here.
i decide on nothing and put my phone to the side of me, burying my head into my pillows again, tears flooding my eyes again again again. it’s too much. this is all stupid and i need to get over it all. this is terrible.
i go back to my cycle of curling up in warm blankets, eating my now new oreos and dr pepper and rewatching shows i’ve seen a million times before. and obviously stalking nicks instagram, he posted a story of him and his brothers at dinner. he’s still wearing those earrings and that same beige jacket he was wearing before, and he still looks great.
i swipe up, about to message him. ‘you look great, sorry i couldn’t come’ i quickly delete it and just like the story. i need to stop trying to message him when i’m trying to ignore him.
₊ ° .☆ °:. *₊
after falling asleep shortly after i finished looking at nicks story i wake up to like five texts from who? nick, of course.
nick 🫶
| are you ignoring me?
| like did i do something or what?
| are you okay?
| can we just talk or hang out please?
| y/n?
| okay sorry actually, never mind
my heart drops, i feel so TERRIBLE. nick did nothing and i never want him to think that he did something wrong. he’s perfect.
i pick up my phone to respond but honesty i don’t know if i should… i want him to know that he did nothing but he’s right about me ignoring him… fuck this. i just ignore him, still.
i shut off my phone fast and roll to my other side, curling up my legs and staring at the small textured bumps on the off-white wall that i face. i take in every detail, trying to distract myself with something else. i spot all the tiny discolorations or stains on the wall, the way it all starts to blur when tears, again, rain out my eyes.
they drip on the curves of my cheeks and lips, my hands are tucked under my legs as he tears drop onto my sheets, i don’t bother wiping them off. they make a small circle ish shape when it hits on my bed with a darker gray on my gray sheets.
my spiraling hits again when the ridges on my wall go dark as my eyes close. why can’t my best friend just be my best friend? why can’t i just be a normal person? why can’t i just forget it all? why can’t this all just go away? why? why? why? why?
☆ °:. *₊ ° . °
taglist : @slutforchriss @mattsleftnipple03 @mattsdinosweater @ccolleenn @mixvchelle @leah-loves-lilies @sturn-wrld @redz0nez9 @cheriematt @freshloveforthefit @nickuniversity @whore4matt @txssvx @will-yummy
#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo smut#sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo smut#nicolas sturniolo smut#nick sturniolo smut#nick sturniolo x reader#sturniolo triplets x reader#sturniolo#𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐢𝐩𝐣𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝜗𝜚⋆#sukiipjs#𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐢𝐩𝐣𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬 𝜗𝜚⋆
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Knocking (on your window)
It’s Ravioli time :]
When one night you find the aptly named “Smiling Man” out your window, you call a friend for some help.
CW: home invasion from a wobbly guy
—————
“Are you sure that’s the smiling man?”
You look out the window. A long, lanky ‘man’ stands outside, just under a streetlamp, spotlighted by it. He’s waving at you in a way that makes it look like his arms have no bones, or any other solid structure inside it.
“Yeah… pretty sure,” you grimace.
Its smile was so… unsettling. Just teeth. No lips.
“You sure it’s not just someone in a costume or something? There are some weird people in this town, or those college kids messing about,”
“Sarah!!” You cry desperately, “What guy stands over seven feet tall and looks like he’s only slightly more solid than those used-car salesman balloon thingy?? He doesn’t have skin! His face is just… shadows! And some eyes and teeth!”
“Some reports say he’s over seven feet five inches,”
You make a sound akin to a steaming kettle.
“That! Really doesn’t help!”
“Sorry,” you can hear Sarah’s apologetic grin through the phone. “You’re right, that’s probably pretty hard to fake. So he’s stretching his arms?”
You squint.
“Yeah… he’s stretching his right arm right now,”
“Uh oh. What’s he doing? Is he trying to grab you?”
“Um…” you look back at the cryptid. He hasn’t stopped waving or smiling at you. He might as well be some highly advanced floppy car salesman balloon with how consistently he’s doing it, except his mouth keeps moving. His teeth waving like they weren’t set in gum. You feel goosebumps travel up your back.
“Not… exactly? He’s just. Standing there. Looking at me. And… waving.”
“... Is it a threatening wave?”
“I don’t know?? He’s smiling. Is that a bad or a good sign?”
“Hm. Could go either way, honestly. You’re not looking him in the eyes are you?”
“What?!” You jump, your skin turning cold. You were looking for comfort when you called Sarah, some way to deal with a cryptid looking at you through your bedroom window, but this was having the opposite effect. You look down at the carpet, just to be safe.
“Is- is that a bad thing? I’ve been looking at him this whole time!”
“Uh… probably not great…” Sarah sighs, (while you scream internally), “Generally you don’t want him to notice you. I mean, most cryptids I read up on says that, just a general ‘don’t bother the weird creature just in case they’re dangerous’ sort of thing. From what I read he’s dangerous based on his mood? It looks like he mostly just hangs around an area and looks creepy. Sometimes asks for candy.”
There’s a confused noise on the other end, then a pause. A tap.
“Here it says ignoring him when he wants attention might make him more pushy so maybe it’s ok…?”
“What? So do I look at him or not?”
“Hang on! It’s a bit contradictory,”
You make a noise of discomfort, balling the ends of your pajama shirt in your hand.
“Ok if that’s… whatever, is there anything on your creepy spooky books that tell you about how to drive him away?”
“I’m looking this up online. Also… one sec I can’t find anything that says how to get rid of him… I think they mostly just tell you t-”
You blow out your phone’s mic and Sarah’s speaker when you scream, because- the smiling man was at your window now, his hand rap-tap-tapping on your window, long spindly fingers scratching down the glass and making your hairs stand. Ochre eyes peer at you over the sill. Did he get taller…? His pupils were wide… and blank.
“What, what?!”
“HE’S HERE!”
“What do you mean-”
“HE’S AT MY WINDOW. YEP. He’s definitely noticing me, a lot right now, hahaha- whatdoIdo.” You laugh manically, death gripping your phone.
“Uh-” You’re pretty sure Sarah could hear the sound of scratching on her end, “well did you lock everything?”
“Yeah-” You say confidently until you see that your window is in fact not locked. At the same time the smiling man sees where you’re looking and- you slam the window shut with your body before he tries anything, locking the window.
… The smiling man looks like he isn’t smiling. His eyes looked… furrowed? Though there are no evidence of eyebrows. He scratches more on the window.
“Iiin…. iiiiiin….” It moans.
Hahaha, nope! You smile panickedly.
“I… I think I locked everything,” you say, though now… you’re not so sure.
And even more concerningly, the smiling man was walking away from the window.
“Did you?”
Your back was starting to soak from the sweat.
“I… don’t know,”
“(Y/n)!!” Sarah shouts.
“Hold on I’m- I’m gonna check don’t hang up!”
Ignoring her sounds of confusion, you open your bedroom door, (just barely covering your scream when you see a spider run by into your room. Normally that was enough to send you into a panicking spiral, but you had bigger fish to fry.) You practically fell down the stairs to check on your doors and windows, turning every light on.
The perks of having a house: Having a house, in this economy!
Cons of having a house: Not great if there’s a inhuman monster waiting outside while living alone.
You don’t open your windows too much downstairs, but you thought the same about your bedroom window. You slip your hands under curtains to double check that they were locked…
A pair of gangly legs walk by as shadows on the curtain. You hear the smiling man, muttering… something. It sounded like he was saying words, but you couldn’t make them out. Sometimes he sounded like there were two voices talking over each other, as if he had a second mouth (god, you hoped not). His voice sounded both like an abyss deep rumble and distorted high pitched sighs.
You wished you were back in your hometown, when cryptids were just funny, probably-not-real things you’d hear about online. Far away from you.
Can he hear you in here?
Having the utmost caution, you tiptoed over to the door and quietly click its light on.
It was closed.
Phew. Ok that’s good.
No entry points for him.
Clicking it off, you skipped your way back to the stairs, doing your best to reassure yourself that he probably can’t get in now, turning on your phone’s flashlight before turning the rest of the lights off. You felt like a kid again, running up the stairs as soon as the lights turn off, and- oh god he’s scratching the door.
You race to your room and lock the door, letting out a long sigh as you lean against it.
“Sarah, you still there?”
“No way am I leaving you while you’re having a horror experience.”
“Thanks.”
You wander over to the window and close the curtains. Don’t want the smiling man to be peeking at you. You turn the lights on and sit on the bed, smoothing your forehead and controlling your breathing. Now that you calmed down a bit, you were feeling a lot colder.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight,”
“Hah, I don’t blame you. Who would?”
“You alright with me calling you for a bit longer?”
“Yeah,” Sarah responds, though you could hear her yawning on the other end. “I’m getting a bit tired but I can call for probably another half hour.”
You never thought Sarah’s cryptid research was going to be anything more than ‘wow these folktales are really neat’ conversations, but you’re glad she knows. You don’t know how you’d hold up if you were completely alone.
“You think I should call the police or something?”
“About a cryptid? They’d probably laugh at you. Something about only calling them for emergencies. I tried when I was twelve-”
Your smile while you listened to Sarah disappears when you hear a click. Very quiet- you wouldn’t have heard it if you weren’t so alert right now. Slowly, you turn your head around and…
Your window is open.
Your freeze. How…?
“No one fucking believed me when I told them I saw the Geyser bat. Yeah like I didn’t hear him stomping on my-”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” You screech, your phone dropping to the carpet with a thunk. Inside your room was the smiling man, his head bent to the side- the ceiling was too short for him.
“Hee….” the creature smiles, his teeth going up as high as beside his eyes. “Hhh…. hi…”
“(Y/n)? What’s happening?!”
“HE’S IN MY ROOM!” You yell, looking at the device on the floor while you fumble with your door’s lock.
Fuck- my phone! You reach for it, but the creature grabs it with his dark hand, examining it… then hangs up.
He throws it behind him.
Fuck your hand’s so sweaty it keeps slipping on the-!
“No… escape.”
You scream. He’s grabbed your wrist and your other hand, and pulls you to him- like his arms were made of rubber band, snapping you towards him.
“Nononono NO!!”
You’re spun around, and when your head stopped spinning, you realize you’re tangled in his rope-like arms. He leans in close to you, his void-black face staring at you, too close.
“Hiii…. girl…friend.”
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Hello! Heads up this is going to be kinda long..😅
How would stray kids react to their crush, member of skz or not, always claiming to not like kids/babys and probably even saying he hates them actually being very good with them? He even corrects the members or people in general whenever they are holding a baby wrong or a chlids hand wrong and also scolds them if they are about to say something vulgar infront of a child/baby, he just turns into a whole ass parent with kids and babys and because he is also such a childrens magnet, lord have mercy if you'll try to seperate the baby/child from him if they are not sleeping. There would probably be a lot of crying and screaming from the child. Also i think it would be a bonus if animals also immediately like him too but he adores animals though sooo... no problams with them.🤣
➤ WRONG. - SKZ!OT8
꒰ you hate children and babies, a lot. but you get invited to a show that is all about taking care of them.
+ pairings: skz!ot8 x 9thmbr!m!reader (not seperate)
× warnings: swearing (from both skz and reader)
# genre: fluff & crack
& a/n:: RAHHH
Your group was invited to a babysitting show, where you basically babysit children while their parents are away. You didn't exactly know why they chose you guys to babysit, but you were gonna complain.
You weren't fond of children, much less babies. The crying, whining and everything just made you so irritated.
You put on your jacket and sigh, making sure your makeup was fine along with you hair before walking out of your room. The stylists and artists had prepared in advance, telling you all to prepare for the show at 7 am.
You met the other members down at the lobby, waving at them with a smile.
“ how're you gonna handle this, (name)? You don't like children. ” Chan asked, smiling back. You chuckle, rubbing the back of your neck as you try to think of a reply, but your car stopped your thoughts as the nine of you got on your vehicles.
Shortly after, you all arrived at the place. You got off the car with your hands shoved in to your jackets' pockets. You walked in to the building.
The children were already there, along with the people who will be recording it. You knew this show was entirely raw and nothing would be scripted. So, everything would only be cut or added effects. You greeted the children and the cameramen.
They had started recording. You looked at their first activity which was .. cooking. Why would they let children cook? You shook your head and picked up two of the children at once as you told the others to do the same.
Then, you saw Han holding the child wrong. You immediately ran up to him, telling him how to hold them properly without hurting them.
He chuckled and thanked you, picking up the kid correctly after.
-
After the cooking part, it was time for playtime. You were told to go outside so, you held their hands and guided them towards the garden. And there Changbin was, holding the children's hand wrong.
You told him how to properly do it since children's hands are smaller than adults. You smiled at him before walking the children back.
You were playing with most of the children while the ones who were tired sat down somewhere, drinking their lemonade.
“ y'know, (name)'s kinda good with kids even though he hates them. ” Chan said. The ones that were there agreed wholeheartedly.
“ yeah, like- how do you know this if you hate them? ” Hyunjin added.
You looked like you were enjoying your time with the children, so you didn't really care about what they said, even though you heard it.
-
It was time to leave. You were guiding the children to go back inside when Jeongin accidentally dropped his drink, almost swearing but you glared at him, pointing to the children. He apologized with a smile.
You were finally done with the show. You high fived each kid along with the other members. You bowed to the cameramen, when one of the children tugged on your jacket.
“ Please don't go. ” She frowned. Then the other children went to go and hug you, knowing that you probably won't be back with them.
You chuckled, hugging them back with a smile. They were all so adorable, but your schedule was packed.
You said your final goodbyes before leaving the studio, the children waving goodbye to you even as you walked toward your car.
BONUS:
You were visiting Minho's place because he invited you for a vlog. You happily went, sitting down on the floor just to see his cats.
This was your first time being at Minho's house, so he wasn't expecting for his cats to like you at all.
“ Don't blame me if they scratch you. ” He said, grabbing the camera he uses for vlogging.
You called one of their names, and suprisingly, they came. All three of them.
You petted them as they purred at your touch, even letting you rub their belly. Their fur was so soft, it reminded you of a cloud.
Minho came back to a sight. All three of his cats surrounding you with loud purring.
He quickly took a video as well as a picture for memories, smiling warmly at the picture he took.
#stray kids#skz#stray kids x y/n#skz x male reader#stray kids x male reader#lee know x male reader#bang chan x male reader#seo changbin x male reader#hwang hyunjin x reader#skz fluff#han jisung x male reader#lee felix x male reader#kim seungmin x reader#yang jeongin x male reader#yang jeongin x reader
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Aaaaaaa I love wine night 😭💖 (i fear i may have missed a couple in the past) but i’m here now! and with angsty alhaitham thots 🫣😈 how do you think a really bad argument would go with alhaitham and reader? like i’m just imagining so many scenario’s rn and i just wanna dissect this man. i’m just interested in a hc you have of angry alhaitham/how he would handle a fight with his s/o. ya know?
anyway i hope you’re having a wonderful night, mootie. i’ve missed you lots 💖
Z!!!!!! I have missed you so so so much!!! 💜💜💜 I’m always down for an angsty alhaitham you know how much I love him 🙈
Kaveh hates having to be in the middle of arguments, so he’s finally not going to be. At first he wasn’t sure why you would date someone like Alhaitham but he’s not one to judge. Until tonight that is. He’s so tempted to leave his room but honestly his roommate had it coming.
“That scholar was absolutely flirting with you,” you almost scream. “How could you not tell?!”
Alhaitham rolls his eyes as he sits on the couch. “And like I’ve told you, there is nothing going on between us. Your insecurities are astounding.”
How dare he? Kaveh slaps his forehead at his roommates stupidity. “My insecurities?! You have got to be kidding me! Do you hear yourself? Says the person who got mad that Cyno asked for my expertise.”
“The general has had feelings for you for a long time,” Alhaitham responds, “everyone knows that. Why do you indulge him? Is it because he says those awful jokes? You have had such a terrible weakness for those.”
Kaveh can sense that you’ve rolled your eyes and start to pace. “And so what?! Everyone with eyes can see how attractive you are. You’ve had plenty of people confess to you but you were too stupid to realize it. You don’t hear what they say about me! That you should dump me, that I’m no good for the grand sage or grand scribe or whatever!”
“And why do you listen to them?” God, Kaveh wants to strangle his roommate. If he didn’t have a commission to finish up he’d be at your defense right now. “If they flirt with me then there’s nothing I can do. I can’t control them.”
“But you can at least reject their advances! Why can’t you see that? She kissed! Your! Cheek!”
“It was merely friendly.”
“A friendly kiss on the cheek?! Alhaitham do you hear yourself?! No one who is a friend should be kissing you like that!”
Kaveh is certain Alhaitham is about to say something incredibly stupid and hurtful. And unfortunately, he’s correct.
“Then should I not be giving you the same affection? You are my partner after all. I give or receive affection as it’s due.”
Kaveh actually slapped his face that time. With his ear pressed to the door, he can already hear you crying and haphazardly grabbing your things. “Your partner? Am I,” your voice breaks, “nothing more than a means to an end for you? Is this just another partnership to you? To achieve your goals?” By this point you’re openly sobbing and Kaveh wants nothing more than to hug you and slap his friend.
Alhaitham pauses to think. “I don’t think-“
“Fucking forget it,” you breathe out with exhaustion. “I’m out of here.”
“Sure, just walk away angry instead of talking about it like you always do.”
You push him then and make your way out of the house. The door slams quickly and that’s when Kaveh makes his move. “You’re a fucking idiot,” Kaveh sighs. “You basically said they’re not special to you and that you do this with everyone.”
Kaveh had never seen his roommate run so fast in his life, presumably to catch up to you and profusely apologize.
Elle’s Wine Night!!
#elle’s musical moots#z 🎯#aaahhh I’ve missed you!!#elle’s wine night#alhaitham#alhaitham x reader#alhaitham x you#kaveh
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One Long Weekend: - Clyde/YN One-Shot Series CH 03
"I'm not a serial killer he says.."
"To be fair, I said I wasn't a stalker."
FRIDAY, 11:00PM (TW: Drug-use)
The place looked a little worse for wear but still very livable. A lot of decently priced places in the area were about the same. People hung outside, in the hallways and just sort of congregated from apartment to apartment like a college dorm.
"Welcome to my humble abode." Clyde left the door wide open for whoever to come and go. Y/n took in the general state of the apartment and chuckled catching his attention.
"Hey...no judgements. I'm a man. Men live like this." Clyde defended.
"Yeah? I didn't realize men didn't own a trashcan...or a laundry basket." Y/n held up some random boxers resting on the coffee table. Clyde had spun around with a shotgun pointed at her making her freeze.
"You were saying?" Clyde teased.
"I'm not a serial killer he says...and yet here he is holding me at gunpoint." Y/n carefully placed his underwear on the barrel of the gun.
"To be fair, I said I wasn't a stalker." Clyde corrected flicking the underwear off the gun.
"Damn...well you got me there." Y/n put her hands up sheepishly and Clyde smirked.
"Does that make you scared?" Clyde might be a lot of things but scary wasn't one of them.
"Is that what you're trying to do? Scare me?" Y/n stepped towards the end of the rifle and Clyde's eyebrow went up.
"Not particularly." Clyde shifted. Y/n took the end of the shotgun into her hand and appeared to be inspecting it.
"Good because I don't scare easy." Y/n turned back towards the couch and plopped down, taking her jacket off and tossing her bag on the floor. Clyde lowered the gun and laughed.
"Oh yeah? What does scare you then?" Clyde plopped down in a chair facing her.
"You first." Y/n challenged.
"Easy. Goats." Clyde's quick answer with his very serious face made y/n snort out a laugh.
"Goats? Why the hell are you afraid of goats?" She tried to say without crying laughing.
"They're aggressive little fuckers who like to head butt, scale fucking mountains and scream in your face. They're like kids on crack. They're the fucking worst." Clyde explained pulling his phone out and showing y/n a clip of a goat climbing on the side of a mountain awkwardly.
"That...that is pretty startling to say the least. Goats...cannot be trusted." Y/n shook her head trying to rationalize Clyde's fear but in all her years in Nevada, she's never even seen a goat.
"Your turn. What scares you? Clearly not guns." Clyde pointed out.
"This is Vegas. If you haven't been held at gunpoint, can you even call yourself a resident?" Y/n shrugged.
"That's actually super true. I've been shot at way too many times to count." Clyde admitted.
"That's...not shocking at all." Johnny cleared his throat and they looked up.
"Let me snag the keys, I'm going to get some food. The guys and I are starving." Clyde dug in his pocket for the keys and tossed them up to Johnny.
"Do you eat meat?" Clyde asked earning a nod.
"Grab us food too. I'll take it off your gas cash." Before Johnny could argue for money, Clyde was quick to make a food for gas trade. The others filled out after Johnny and shut the door leaving the two sitting in the middle of the room.
They sat in silence for a minute adjusting to being alone together.
"So do you live here alone or does everyone just kind of crash around?" Y/n took in her surroundings. There was only one bed, if you can call it that, that sat on the floor with a bunch of blankets, a big bean bag chair in the corner, the raggedy couch and an armchair that's seen better days. It was a lot more furniture than she would have expected for one person.
"Nah I kind of consider it a bit of a halfway house. Everyone's going somewhere but we all need to crash for a bit. The guys have a room at the end of the hallway and then one across the hall for any girls they bring home for-" Clyde made a hand gesture and y/n laughed.
"You guys have a fucking apartment? Yikes, the smells alone from that room would give me chills." Clyde shook his head.
"I honestly wouldn't know. I don't really frequent that room. It stays pretty occupied anyway." He laughed. Y/n took in a mental note that Clyde didn't seem like someone who brought a lot of girls back to his place for fucking but almost like he was providing sanctuary.
"Oh I have no doubts. Plus you look like a wine and dine kind of guy. Big activities, good music, decent food. A real gentlemen." Y/n turned her body towards him.
"Absolutely. I'm a real Casanova and you're in for a treat." Clyde walked over to his nightstand and rummaged around inside of it pulling out a tray and a lighter, shimming over to plop down next to y/n on the couch.
"The only activity of the evening is to get decently high...if you're cool with that." Clyde hadn't bothered asking but took in her face to make sure he hadn't offended.
"I mean it sounds more like a 3rd date but since you've been stalking me for a minute, I think this will work just fine." Clyde rolled his eyes at her, bringing the blunt to his lips to moisten. The two sat with their knees touching, Clyde rolling at least three blunts knowing that the moment the guys got back, they would want dibs and like clockwork the door swung open and a bag was tossed at y/n.
Clyde merely held up the two blunts and Johnny snatched them with a cheeky grin before bounding back out of the door. The fries in the bag were soggy and the burgers looked like they had been thrown against a wall but y/n wasn't picky. She held out a french fry to Clyde's mouth as held the blunt between his fingers unable to put it down yet.
Something familiar and comfortable settled between them like they had done this for years.
"Jesus what the fuck happened to that?" Clyde gestured to the burger y/n was trying to pick up.
"I'm going to assume it was run over but I'm honestly starving so I'm going to eat it anyway." Y/n didn't hesitate taking a bite and Clyde lit the blunt between his lips. He watched y/n look for a place she could find a napkin and he ran to the bathroom, retrieving a roll of toilet paper and putting it down on the table. She tried not to laugh as she unrolled some to wipe her hands.
Clyde passed the blunt to y/n who took a small hit making sure she didn't choke and embarrass herself, knowing she would deserve all the teasing from Clyde because of his cigarette disaster earlier.
"This is decent weed." Y/n commented.
"Are you surprised?" Clyde asked.
"Kind of. Do you work or do you come from money?" Y/n's question was genuine but Clyde seemed offended.
"What does that matter?" He scoffed.
"That wasn't meant as an insult. I'm just trying to figure out if you're crushing it as a hype man or if you're secretly the son of one of the current Strip residencies." Clyde seemed to simmer.
"I can assure you I am not the son of Vince Neil." She handed him the blunt back and pushed the hair from his face.
"No shit. You would not be this cute if your dad was Vince Neil." Y/n's compliment brought Clyde's mood right back up.
"Aw all I had to do was feed you and get you high and now you're back to trying to have my babies again." Clyde teased nudging her.
"I'm a simple girl. I like simple things." She gave a cheeky grin as his laugh turned into a cough.
"Oh so you like me because I'm simple? Should I be hurt by that or-"
"I'd hardly call you simple. You barrel rolled out of a club, tried to fight a bouncer that was three times your size and brought home a girl you've had a psychic connection with just to point a shotgun at her. Khakis are simple. Grilled cheese is simple." Y/n's explanation of her thoughts on Clyde thus far made a warmth grow in his stomach.
"Man you're really going to hold the whole shotgun thing against me huh? Would it help if I said it wasn't loaded?" Clyde offered.
"That would be so pointless. You literally keep your door open and unlocked with decent weed and at least a few hundred dollars worth of stuff. If it's not loaded, I'd say you're stupid." Clyde passed the blunt back nodding.
"You make a valid point." Y/n turned her body towards Clyde, holding the blunt in her hands but not bringing it to her lips.
"I could probably get over the whole shotgun thing if you let me give it right back." Clyde looked confused. He wasn't sure what she meant or if she was too high to make sense.
"I'm not up for being tasered while being high. I think that would definitely kill the high." Clyde whined weakly
"Open your lips." Y/n instructed. Clyde watched her put the blunt between her lips backwards and lean towards his face, putting her hands on his cheeks. Clyde almost forgot to breathe before she started exhaling the thick smoke between his lips, letting her bottom lip graze his. She was shotgunning the smoke so well, Clyde had to stop himself from super sucking the blunt into his mouth.
When she pulled away to pull the blunt out of her mouth, he laid back into the couch feeling the warmth that was in his stomach turn into a burn that was quickly spreading through his veins.
Y/n knew exactly what she was doing to Clyde and she had no regrets. This was the most relaxed fun she's had in a long time. Something about spending time with him made her feel free.
#electrick children#Clyde x y/n#Clyde#One Shot Series#One Long Weekend#Rory Culkin#I've got two more coming today#I will make a “masterlist” so its easier to follow/find#One Long Weekend Series#3/18
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FINDJACKWALTEN 6/29/23 UPDATE #2 WALKTHOUGH
Findjackwalten updated last night! To properly understand the content of this update, you'll probably wanna check out these other posts on the 6/27/23 update: [HERE] and the 6/29/23 update #1: [HERE] if you haven't seen them already.
This one's a fucking Doozy. The main page has updated to a full on Jack Walten Takeover.
Most of the existing page has been put under a red filter, and images of Jack and Rosemary (cut off in this screenshot) Walten have appeared. The 'page under construction!' text has changed to read "CLOSED PERMANENTLY. (effect:072074)", the second half of that being the date Bon's Burgers shut down. The play button present in the site's previous incarnation is still here, but now plays various Christmas carols, rather than Battle Hymn of The Republic, starting with Silent Night.
The "CONTACT & INFORMATION" button that became clickable earlier in the day still leads to an unchanged /0714-74 page.
The "MEET BON!" button that also became clickable earlier in the day leads to a /mynameis-bon but with Bon himself now missing.
The most significant update has been to /caretakerlibrary, which now contains four new audios from Richie.
Our first new Richie audio, Richie 3, is titled "AUD06-27-74opnn-nights" meaning it's dated for the 27th of June, 1974. The "opnn-nights" referring to it being the night before Bon's Burgers opening day. I've roughly transcribed this audio as follows:
Another day, another dollar, as they always say! Sorry- sorry, dude- just ignore that, I don't know- I don't know what I was doing, okay, uh, forget it. Yeah- yeah! Uh, tomorrow's the big day! You excited? Uh, Boss gave me some instructions to give you for today. So, uh- get those in a second. Uhm, I needed to- wanted to say I uhm, I put the chairs down. That, y'know, next to the tables, so uh, just- save you the hassle of having to do tha- having to do that tomorrow morning, so you're welcome. Uhm, uh, if you can, keep an eye on the uhh, the- whatchamacallit, Poker maze? It's, uh, pretty easy for kids to get lost in there. So, y'know, just, don't want anything to- anything like that happening. Just, uh, y'know, pop in like every minute or so, just make sure there's no kids crying, screaming, y'know. Actually, don't get lost in there yourself, either. You're still a teen, right? How old are you again? That's- doesn't matter, whatever, you'll be fine. Uh, don't worry about it. Unlock the generator room, uh, clean the bathrooms- especially the men's bathroom, more on that later. Uhh, right, right, right! Uh, keep the main stage curtains closed. Uh, for the time being, we uh, we transferred Sha to the secondary stage for this week, so she'll be next to Boozoo. The uh, Bon animatronic won't be performing this week, uh, he's uh- they- they gotta do an extra week of maintenance on him. So, that's a shame, but nothing we can't fix. Uh, luckily we do have a- uh, a costume! A, uh, Bon costume! Uhm, the uh, sister company gave it to us a while ago. So, y'know, if you wanna earn some, uh, extra bucks, you might wanna pop in that thing. Dance around, tell some jokes, whatever. Uh, Felix will probably tell you what to do, they're kids, they're stupid anyway, they won't notice. Uhm, just- try ignore the smell. Right, uh, that, uh- that reminds me. Uhm, uh- apparently, uhm, apparently some employee might've, uh, might've been, uh. Smoking pot. In the men's bathroom. Uh, so, uhm, just, just- um. Y'know, don't mind the smell, if you, uh, keep the windows open, just try and freshen up the place. Uh, make sure Felix doesn't notice. Uh- I- uh, wouldn't want whoever that was to, y'know, get in trouble. If, uh, if they did smoke pot in there, which I doubt. But, y'know, just in case. So, uh, yeah! That's it, goodnight.
The next audio, Richie 4, is titled "AUD07-01-74BCKSTG-DAY", meaning it was recorded on the 1st of July, 1974. I've transcribed it as follows:
Hey man! Okay, so, uh, we got some good news, and some bad news. So I'll start with the good news! So, uh, Boss is happy! He said we did good work- said we did good work on the first week. You did a good job with the Bon costume actually, I was surprised.
I actually got it all recorded on film, so, uh, if you want, I can show that to you next week. Or, I could use it to blackmail you at some point in the future? Kidding, kidding, kidding. Uh, nah, I wouldn't do that. Uh, um, oh yeah, uh! I bet you're happy to hear: Bon will be back on stage by tomorrow! Yeah, uh, Felix set it up himself, so uh, maybe they worked out their differences after all! Sorry, just, trying to make a joke. Um, right, ah, okay onto the, uh, the not so good news. Uh, so, um, we- uh, we have a- um. We have a associate. I- uh, I believe she does the, uh, art for the restaurant. Um, she's been coming in a lot lately, she keeps going on about like, her, uh, husband or something. She's not well. Um, to put it lightly, I- I don't wanna sound mean, but. She, uh, there's something wrong with her. And, and uh, I- I believe you know her? Uhm, like, um, you've been talking to her whenever she comes in, um. I- I appreciate it, I appreciate it, right? Um, and I'm glad you are, y'know, helping her. Uh, but, mmn. How do I say this? Um, she's been- uh, she's been, uh, let go out of the company yesterday, and uh, so, it's now a company policy that if a former employee makes any sort of drama inside the restaurant, uhm, they'll be permanently banned from entering, so. Uh, if- if you see her again, tell her to keep quiet. It's, um, Boss' orders. Uhm, I'm sorry if that- I'm sorry if that's insensitive, um. Okay. Okay, uh, lighter note: nobody got lost in the maze! So, good job! Uh, you're a natural! Or whatever. Uhm, uh, okay, on with the, uh, bad news, I guess. More bad news, uhm. The backstage is now locked for the week. Um, I asked staff for explanations and they refused to elaborate, so um. Ba- uhm, Banny will be off the stage for a few days, uh, so, keep the curtain on Banny's stage closed. Uhm, what else? Oh, uhm, all of the, uh, animatronics must be sent to the men's bathroom at night, instead of backstage. So, uh, yeah! Uh, let me know how you've been. Um, I had a blast last week. I will say, uh, you make a really good cook! I'll tell you that. So um, yeah, see you tomorrow then. Goodnight!
The next audio, Richie 5, is titled "AUD07-12-74LLY-NIGHTS", meaning it was recorded on the 12th of July, 1974. The second part of this title likely is "Lily nights" and refers to Lily's birthday party. I have transcribed the audio as follows:
Uh, hola amigo! Is that how you s- is that how you say it? Agh, I never knew how to say it. Uh, yeah! Uh, good things are happening, my friend. Uh, the- the backstage is still locked. Uh, but! The, uh, the generator room is where we sh- should be, uh- should be keeping the robots for now. Right- uh, we actually, uh, we actually have a new one. Uh, agh, what's the name, what's the name? Bob- uh, Bobby the clown! Buh- buh- Billy the clown! Billy- ah- yeah, Billy. He, uh, just arrived yesterday, actually. Um, top of the line technology, man, I'll tell you. I- I was messing with their, uh, little radio thing all day. Uh, Bon seems to be working fine now. Uh, his- his, uh- his gloves keep falling off? Like, uhm- not gloves, uh, what- what're they called? Uhm, blue hand thing- y'know, the suit, uhm. And it's revealing the mech underneath. Uh, so just, uh, be careful with like, the hands and stuff. Okay, whatever, uhm. The, uh, oh yeah, we have a birthday party coming up! A birthday party on the, uh, the tw- no, uh, fourteenth? Yeah, the fourteenth. Uh, we're going to be using the, uh, Billy robot. It's actually, um, the daughter of one of our associates, uhm. Augh, what was the name? Forgot the name, doesn't matter. So yeah, uh, we gotta m-make it look extra good, okay? Uh, I might even come over, y'know, show up in the Bon costume myself. I dunno, we'll see how it goes. Uh, well, if you show up, actually, we could, y'know, stay smokin' in the arcade area? You smoke, right? Ah, whatever. Um, yeah! Look forward to seeing you there. Take care, man!
The last audio, Richie 6, is titled "AUD07-20-74CLSD-MRNING", meaning it was recorded on the 20th of July, 1974, the day Bon's Burgers shut down. Transcribed, it reads as follows:
C'mon, man, where the hell have you been? Some big shit happened, alright!? Whuh- we're- we're sh'down! It's fucking bad, dude, we are SHUTTING DOWN! We're DONE! We're fucking DONE, Alright? Augh, god, I- I- I clocked in last night, right? Some staff were still in the restaurant, right? It's all good, it's all okay. FOUR IN THE MORNING, I get a call from NORMAN, right, telling me the cops BROKE INTO THE PLACE, right? Some call about, like, SCREAMING inside the fucking restaurant? Whole neighborhood was freaked out. They- uh- they checked the place, most doors were locked so they just shrugged it off, anyway. There- there's nobody inside. But, uh, Norman's shutting us down! He said the- the- the scene it caused is humiliating. Alright, everyone's outside the fucking restaurant, claiming that somebody got killed! It's fucking BAD, man. Agh, he gave us, uh, THREE DAYS, we have three days to shut everything down. Ugh, sorry, oh god. Sorry, it's been a fucking crazy night. Uh, there is, uh, the bo- sorry. Uh, the Boss came up with a new plan, alright? He hasn't shared it with CyberFun yet. But, uh, long story short, we gotta take all the fucking items from this place and put them in a truck and take 'em to the storage place somewhere. Tha- he didn't say where. It- uh- it's BIG fucking money, dude, alright? It'll only take a few days. Uh, you in? Also, uh, just for the record, don't- don't tell this to anyone, okay? See you tomorrow, then. See you tomorrow, man. I'll be there at six, Bon's.
Revisiting the main page, the new Silent Night audio contains a peculiarity that might go unnoticed.
If you listen for long enough (a little more than four minutes), you can hear backwards text-to-speech audio overlaid on top of the end of The First Noel. When reversed, this speech can be heard as such:
Transcribed, this audio reads as follows:
"[We] here at BSI apologize for the confusion regarding the shocking scene from last night. Apparently, screams for help were heard inside our installations. Thanks to the help of the Brighton police department, this has been confirmed as a hoax and that nobody has been harmed inside our restaurant. Nevertheless, for budget reasons, we are shutting our doors until further notice. Thanks for joining us on this small adventure. Kindly, the Bunny Smiles family."
#the walten files#sorry this is such a long post there's just so much audio and i needed to write it ALL down
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TF2 INCORRECT QUOTES: ULTIMATE EDITION
Medic: I hate taking off my glasses, because without them, my vision goes from Full HD all the way down to buffering at 240p and I just can't handle that.
Sniper: Are you good?
Spy: In what sense?
Sniper: Generally.
Spy: Oh, definitely not.
Scout: You think that’s cringe? Moms around the world wait 9 months just to end up naming their kid Dell.
Engineer: Hey, fuck you.
Soldier: The waiter at Olive Garden has been grating my cheese for 6 hours now, waiting for me to say when. Customers are screaming. Three people have died.
Soldier: I will not yield.
Engineer: Still not over how yesterday when my flight landed, our pilot said we arrived 50 minutes early because they took some "shortcuts".
Engineer: Excuse me, we were in the sky, what do you mean???
Spy: Okay, who's turn is it to give the pep talk?
Medic: It's Soldier's turn.
Soldier: Don't die.
Medic, wiping a tear away: Truly inspirational.
Scout: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.
Pyro, Muffled: … Your what?
Scout: My friends.
Engineer: Are they saying “friends”?
Heavy: I think they're being sarcastic.
Soldier: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Scout! All of your friends are in this room.
Heavy: If I say I love you, will you say it back?
Medic: Yes.
Heavy: I love you.
Medic: It back.
Later
Scout: Why is Heavy crying face-down on the floor?
Demoman: What happened to Soldier?
Engineer: They died.
Demoman: They what?
Engineer: They died, but they’re okay.
Demoman: …Can you please clarify?
Soldier: Clarification is for the weak.
Engineer: Medic, Heavy, I love y’all and all, but can I ask what in the hell are you doing?
Medic, trying to stabilize a tower of folding chairs that Heavy is sitting atop: Oh nothing much.
Heavy: I love you too :)
Engineer: Caffeine no longer keeps me awake while I work, so instead I have Medic periodically send me texts saying ‘we need to talk.’
Engineer: It gives me the right amount of adrenaline and fear I need to keep going.
Medic: tapping fingers on table
Soldier: taps fingers back furiously
Sniper: …What’s going on?
Scout: Morse code. They’re talking.
Medic: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … -
Soldier: slams hands on table YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
Soldier, to Demoman: Why is Scout not talking?
Demoman: I'm playing the silent game with them.
Soldier: Well, then you just lost.
Demoman: I lost two hours ago. I gave them ear plugs and told them to close their eyes. It was the only way I could think of to get them to shut up.
Spy: casually taking four stairs at a time
Sniper, falling behind, taking two stairs at a time: Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fu-
Engineer: Here are two pictures. One of them is your bedroom, and the other is a garbage dumpster. Can you tell which is which?
Scout:
Scout: This one is the dumpster.
Engineer: They’re both your bedroom.
Engineer: Stop setting things on fire because you're curious about what will happen. What will happen is fire.
Medic: But what if something else happens just this one time.
-Pyro giggling in the background-
Demoman: I’m having salad for dinner!
Engineer:
Demoman: Well, fruit salad.
Demoman: Actually, it’s mostly grapes.
Engineer:
Demoman: Okay, it’s all grapes.
Demoman: Fermented grapes.
Engineer:
Demoman:
Engineer:
Demoman: It’s wine.
Demoman: I’m having wine for dinner.
Medic: Truth or dare?
Soldier: Truth!
Medic: Do you-
Engineer: I dare you to kiss me.
Soldier: kisses Engineer
Medic, to Heavy: They said “truth”, right?
Scout: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?
Sniper: wHat?
Scout: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved.
Sniper: Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?
Heavy: Where’s Soldier?
Spy: Around.
Heavy: Around?
Heavy: You don’t have any idea, do you?
Soldier, dropping down from above: Did you know there’s a space above the ceiling?
Soldier: Do you think I’m ugly?
Engineer: It’s not about looks, Soldier. What’s valuable is on the inside…
Soldier: Engineer…
Engineer: For example, someone's heart.
Soldier: Aw… Stop it-
Engineer: It could be purchased for more than a million dollars, you know.
Soldier: Seriously, stop.
Demoman: In alcohol’s defense, I’ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
Sniper: How many children do you have?
Spy: Biologically, legally, or emotionally? Because there is a difference.
Demoman: What are your adjectives?
Spy: …You mean my pronouns?
Demoman: No, I know what your pronouns are! What are your adjectives?
Spy: …I dunno. What are yours?
Demoman: Noisy and chaotic!
Spy: I’ve never had something go from making no sense to making complete sense so quickly.
Heavy: Unpopular opinion, not all dogs are good boys.
Soldier: Blocked.
Heavy: Sometimes, they’re good girls!
Soldier: UNBLOCKED!
Soldier: I’ve been here in jail so long I think I’ve lost my mind.
Soldier: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months.
Soldier: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year?
Medic: This is Monopoly.
Spy: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Sniper's birthday invitations.
Soldier: Well, what are they supposed to say?
Spy: "Sniper's birthday".
Soldier: So, what do they say instead?
Spy: "Sniper’s bi".
Soldier:
Soldier: Works out either way.
Demoman, clearly drunk: Spy, hit me another drink… wooOO HOOoo…
Spy: I think you need a therapist and not a bottle.
Demoman: I think yooOOoou need to shuUT YOUR MOUTH!
Medic: Spy isn’t answering my messages.
Sniper: Allow me.
Medic: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi-
Spy: replying to message Hello.
Soldier: I think it’s time I get my life in order.
Engineer, narrating: But they did not get their life in order. In fact, they got drunk last night and befriended a raccoon.
Scout: Sniper! This soup is flaccid!
Sniper: LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN?!
Medic, on a random band name generator: Oooo! They Might Be Depressed Horses! That about sums up my friend group.
Scout: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for metaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance!
Demoman: My favorite part about Megamind is that he literally grew up on Earth around humans but is still confused about human culture and etiquette.
Zhanna: So did I. He's not special.
Engineer: Guys where did Scout go?
Medic: They got arrested.
Engineer: How the hell-
Scout: *bursts in through the window* The cops are after me, I thought it would be fun to steal crackers and throw them at people.
Miss Pauling: Soldier, we tried things your way.
Soldier: No, we didn't.
Miss Pauling: I did it in my head and it didn't work.
Demoman: I like your top, Sniper!
Spy: I have a name, you know.
Sniper: Sighs Why. Why are you like this?
Demoman: How do you tell someone that you wanna have sex with them in a polite way?
Sniper: Excuse me Lovely. Would you give me the honor of indulging in sexual activities with you?
Miss Pauling: What the fuck is wrong with you two?
Heavy: Is the Grinch his name, ethnicity, or job?
Scout: It's a slur.
Scout: *in a jail cell* What about my Miranda rights!? You’re supposed to say I have ‘the right to remain silent’”! NOBODY SAID I HAD THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!
Engineer: *in the cell next to them* You have the right to remain silent, what you lack is the capacity.
Pyro, Muffled: Do you know the ABCs of first aid?
Sniper: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.
Engineer: Engineer? Yeah, I'm enginEERING MY FUCKIN' LIMIT!
Soldier: Heavy has no idea I’m high.
Heavy: You’re high?
Soldier: Oh, I’m sorry.
Soldier, leaning over to Medic: Heavy has no idea I’m high.
Zhanna: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming?
Spy: Can everyone in this godforsaken group please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"?
Heavy: Ya know... it might be.
Engineer: The smell of Home Depot is cathartic... Fairies live in the lights and chandeliers section, gnomes live in the outdoor gardening department...
Spy: Stop romanticizing Home Depot.
Engineer: Pixies live in the paint aisle. Fuck you.
Engineer: Oh, fiddlesticks.
Sniper: Look, I understand this is a tense situation, but let's watch the fucking language.
Engineer: Why is it that I always lose things as soon as I need them?
Sniper: Actually, it's not that you lose things when you need them. You lose them a while before. It's just that you LOOK for things when you need them.
Engineer: Okay yeah thanks Sniper, that's great but WHERE'S THE FUCKING FIRST AID KIT?
Applebee's Waiter: What would you like to order?
Pyro: I'll take the apple.
Applebee's Waiter: We don't actually sell apples.
Pyro, visibly frightened: Okay then... I'll have the bees...
Medic: Make her pussy wet, not her eyes.
Spy: Make his dick hard, not his life.
Scout: Break her bed, not her heart.
Pyro, Muffled: Play with her boobs, not her feelings.
Sniper: Get on his dick, not his nerves.
Soldier: Always salt your pasta while boiling it.
Scout: Which country has the most birds?
Scout: Portu-geese!
Engineer: That's a language.
Scout: Portu-gull?
Engineer: Good recovery.
Medic: I think you mean good re-dovery.
Spy: TURKEY. HOW DID WE MISS TURKEY?
Zhanna: Okay, if we can't do it by sheer force, we'll do it my way.
Spy: But your way is sheer force!
Scout: Pokemon is trying to slowly convince us Pikachu was always fluffy and I for one accept this future.
Heavy: Did you think the mouse was just smooth and had yellow skin like a little simpsons demon??
Scout:
Scout: Maybe.
Demoman: What are you drinking?
Engineer: Vodka.
Demoman: Straight?
Engineer: No, gay. Why?
Soldier: *Kicks the door open, looking panicked*
Engineer: What did you do?!
Soldier: NOBODY DIED! UNFORTUNATELY!
Engineer: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!
Pyro, trying to comfort Sniper: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.
Sniper: But MuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuum...
Medic: Can someone translate this? I don't know Australian.
Scout: I'll do my best. Ahem. AY YO MA.
Scout: Yum, thanks!
Kidnapper: *puts more tape over their mouth* I said stop eating it.
Medic, barging in: Syphilis!
Engineer:
Medic:
Engineer: Pardon?
Zhanna: I have no respect for this Santa character. Don’t sneak in through the chimney and undermine my authority by bringing my family presents. Walk in through the front door and fight me like a man.
Engineer: You can't wake up if you never got to sleep.
Sniper: Scout, remember when you said you weren’t going to interfere with my love life?
Scout: No, that doesn’t sound like me at all.
Engineer: I have a problem.
Soldier: Kill it.
Engineer: Can you chill for like, two seconds?
Zhanna: Are you okay?
Heavy, crying: Yeah, it was just the onions.
Zhanna: Picks up an onion What the fuck did you say to my brother?
Sniper: Our relationship is strictly professional.
Spy, sitting on Sniper’s lap: Absolutely. Only on business.
Pyro: Do you ever think? Because I do not.
Soldier: Screw lactose intolerance! I will consume as much dairy as I want!
Soldier 2 hours later, crying on the floor: WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH?!
Heavy, to Engineer: If Scout doesn't say "I'm King of the world" within an hour on that boat, I will give you my next pay check.
Scout, within 5 minutes of getting on the boat: I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!
Zhanna: You know, I used to play back in my gory days.
Demoman: You mean glory days?
Zhanna: Ah, that too.
Medic: Heavy, do you love me?
Heavy: Of course I do!
Medic: Would you still love me if I did something bad?
Heavy: Well, of course I… would…
Medic: I mean something really, really—
Heavy: Medic, what did you do?
Engineer: Come on, Spy. Nobody actually believes that Soldier is in love with me.
Spy, to The Squad: Raise your hand if you think that Soldier is helplessly in love with Engineer.
Everyone raises their hand
Engineer: Soldier, put your hand down.
Pyro, Muffled: Dude, we can get mythical animals! Maybe I’ll get a penguin!
Medic: Penguins are real.
Pyro, Muffled: That’s the spirit, Medic! They’re real to me too!
Miss Pauling: double checking supplies in the boat Compass. CB radio. Sunscreen.
Pyro, Muffled: Hot dog costumes!
Miss Pauling: I’m sorry, what?
Pyro, Muffled: You know, in case we get lost at sea, and one of us, probably Soldier, goes mad with hunger, we’ll put these on. Soldier hates hot dogs, so they probably won’t eat us.
Miss Pauling: Are you saying that Soldier would rather eat us than hot dogs?
Soldier: I do hate hot dogs.
Demoman: So, how long have you and Engineer been together?
Soldier: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Engineer and I are not together. No. No.
Demoman: Really? Sixteen ‘nos’? Really?
Scout: I bet you can’t make a sentence without the letter “A”!
Engineer: You thought you just did something there, didn’t you? Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but numerous sentences could be constructed without employing the first letter of the English lexicon.
Demoman: Fuck you.
Heavy: Uh, Engineer? Demoman is in the pool and I don't think they're waterproof.
Engineer: What?
Zhanna: I think they meant, Demoman is drowning.
Engineer: WHAT?!
Meanwhile
Demoman: is drowning
Miss Pauling: OH MY GOD, DEMOMAN! KEEP SWIMMING!
Demoman: I can't swim, dumbass— sinks
Miss Pauling: DEMOMAN!
Sniper: is hugging Engineer
Zhanna: Hey! It's my turn to hug Engineer!
Zhanna: grabs Engineer
Demoman: kicking down the door What do you mean, "yOuR tUrN"? We agreed now is my time slot!
Sniper: No, It's still my turn!
Engineer: suffocating Guys, I love you, but just because I'm the smallest doesn't mean you can be huggin' me constantly!
Zhanna: But we need the moral support!
Sniper: And you're small! Which is cute!
Demoman: If I don't hug you right now I think the depression will kick in and my body will stop functioning.
Engineer: close to tears Well- I, I guess.
Miss Pauling: Well, you know what they say: Can’t bake a pie without losing a dozen men!
Pyro: No problemo!
Pyro, internally: But it was all problemo.
Miss Pauling: Are you sure this is safe?
Soldier: Safer than Flintstone vitamin gummies in a bottle.
Soldier: Keep twisting, junior! All you’re gonna get is clicks.
Scout: I'd roast you, but my mom says I can't burn trash.
Scout: slow-mo walks out of the room
AND ON THAT NOTE, YOU'VE {somehow} REACHED THE END OF THIS ATROCITY!
#AUHGGG#tf2#tf2 sniper#tf2 scout#tf2 soldier#tf2 zhanna#tf2 medic#tf2 pyro#tf2 spy#tf2 engineer#tf2 demoman#tf2 heavy#tf2 miss pauling#IT#IT'S OVER#rubin report
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Note
First time reader met Bruce either in general or to talk about the arrangement in arranged reader verse?
Of all the prissy little girls at this birthday party, you were the worst. Dressed in white from head to toe. Keeping carefully to the paths and never straying too far from your nanny. Or taking more than a modest nibble of any sweet.
It made Bruce itch to shove you into the nearest mud puddle to see if he could provoke you into a snit. It would be incredible to see you throw a tantrum. He bet you could scream with the best of them.
And finally, when he watched you wander down the path a ways, holding your doll, watching a group of other girls running across the grass- he got his opportunity when someone told him to go long to catch a frisbee.
So he did.
And when you tumbled into the puddle- tulle and bows flying, he felt a little bad. Just a little. When you were covered in mud and dirty water, lip trembling as you looked up at him.
But if you were going to say anything, you didn't get a chance. Adults swarmed around you with towels and fretting. Nothing though, could have prepared him for your little cry of anguish when you saw your doll. In her matching white dress. Ruined beyond repair.
___________
If Bruce had known who you were then, he might not have shoved you in a puddle. But- knowing who he was then, he might have waited until you were by the pond and shoved you in there; just to see the bigger splash.
Still. As he watched you fidget with your tennis bracelet and cross and uncross your feet- agitated and annoyed with being forced to wait for the meeting he called, he knew you wouldn't complain.
"The girl never cries." Your father was fond of bragging. "Never whines. She knows her place."
He'd said it as a selling point. As if he were selling the runt of a litter of puppies and trying to make up for your size.
Not that he cared about any of that. He didn't care about your "dowry" either. He only gave a shit that you were convenient. Good cover. And you'd make for good pictures, as gross as that made him feel. At least he wouldn't have to waste time dating you. And when the time came for kids. Well... he'd figure that out later.
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