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shieldofiron · 11 months

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Again I am so sorry for all of the requests but I love your writing and please tell me to stop if you want me to stop. You don't have to write this if you don't want to but could you write tigerfreak hurt/comfort with Jason trying to come to terms with the fact that he's gay? You're probably one of my favorite writers that writes anything at all with Jason

This one is a huge shout out to @pmrcvictim who spins Munver HC with me frequently. Lemon-ish, but mostly hurt and comfort. Don't be fooled by the POV, this is still going where you think it is, and he's trying, ok? TW: Light self harm (Scratching), Obsessive Thought Patterns

At one point Eddie considered actually writing them down, all of Jason's little rules.

It's not gay, because afterwards Jason never lingers. Apparently he can fuck Eddie all across the sheets, dig his fingers into his hips and whine out his name, but it's not gay because they don't cuddle.

It's not gay, because Jason tops. Really Eddie finds this rule somewhat baffling, and more than a little hurtful. Because Jason is still having sex with Eddie, and despite the long hair, Eddie is still a man. But far be it from Eddie to say anything about the desperate way Jason looks at him in bed, the way he touches all parts of Eddie, the way he...

It's not gay, because they don't kiss. Don't do anything softly, really, but Jason makes sure they never even come close to kissing. And really, there's only so many times Eddie can get shoved away before it starts to feel personal. Like maybe if Eddie were someone Jason respected, maybe if Eddie were Billy Hargrove or Patrick McKinney or Chance Rojas, maybe Jason would finally admit that what they're doing every other night is gay, it's so gay.

It's not gay, and to make extra sure, Jason takes a scalding hot shower immediately after, throwing a dark look at Eddie when he (jokingly... half jokingly) suggests that he could join.

God, Eddie hates the rules

All of this is irrelevant. Jason swears he isn't gay. And Eddie's too tired to fight him on it. Sometimes when Jason shoves Eddie's face away it hurts more than when he used to shove him into lockers. But at least the locker thing has stopped. At least...

The problem is that Eddie... Eddie's gay. Not all the way, he still can't help but look at the cheerleaders sometimes, or the pretty flute player in band. But Christ, the way he feels about Jason, the way Jason can turn him into a messy puddle of need so easily... the way he feels about Jason is very, very, extremely, alarmingly gay. And that's a problem.

This is what he's thinking about as Jason sucks out a shuddering breath, his fingers brushing the mess Eddie made on his own stomach, and goes lax and lazy against Eddie's back. His breath is hot against Eddie's shoulder, soft cornsilk hair brushing the sensitive skin at the nape of Eddie's neck... and it's almost like cuddling.

But then he pulls back, grabbing for the towel he always places oh so neatly by the bed before they start. Jason cleans Eddie up meticulously, like he can't bear any of the evidence be left even for a moment, even on Eddie's skin. And it burns even as it's a gentle touch, hurts because Eddie's thinking too much about it. Eddie's skin prickles to hold Jason but he can't bear to get pushed away, not again, not right now. Instead he avoids Jason's eye, curls up tight and faces the wall.

"Let me... I'm not done," Jason whispers.

"Just go shower," Eddie doesn't mean for it to come out so sharp, hard and harsh. But it's the only way he can stop it from coming out wobbly. His eyes feel tight and his throat burns, and he covers his face with his arm.

He can feel Jason linger, and he wants to snap that Jason is breaking the rules, he should be gone, totally gone. And the longer Jason lingers, the harder it is to hold it in. Eddie sucks in a shaky breath, and then another, then another.

Jason gets up in a huff, and Eddie can practically hear the words roll off of Jason. That Eddie's acting... like Eddie's acting.

Maybe this will be the end. Not with a bang, but with a whimper. And Eddie didn't even get a kiss.

He hears the water running like normal, and honestly, he should ask for some money off Jason for the heating of all his hot water. Sometimes he's in there for like a half hour.

Eddie sucks in a few breaths, until he feels calm enough to uncurl, throw on a t-shirt that doesn't smell so bad and the first pair of boxer's he finds, which he's pretty sure are actually Jason's. He pads into the kitchen, past the tiny bathroom. Jason's left the door open, so Eddie can hear how not gay he is, or something.

As he walks past though, Eddie's eyes catch on something. Sticking out of the bottom of the cheap blue curtain is one, very small, pale foot.

Eddie forgets all about the rules, forgets about the tears in his eyes. Jason could have fallen down, could be hurt. He could have gotten lightheaded in the hot water.

He's not prepared for what he sees when he pulls back the curtain, gasping Jason's name or Baby or whatever his brain manages to supply through panic.

Jason's huddled on the floor, his skin red and raw, and his eyes are red-rimmed.

"Did you fall?" Eddie gasps.

Jason just blinks up at him, his hands scrambling to cover himself, fingers digging into those muscled biceps.

Eddie falls to his knees, reaching out to cradle the back of Jason's head. He can't really be surprised when Jason jerks back, nearly slamming his head into the tile.

"You could be hurt," Eddie sneaks closer, soaking the back of his head and shirt in the blistering spray.

"Don't..." Jason warns, but he doesn't jerk back when Eddie's hand cards through his wet hair, checking for a lump.

"Did you get lightheaded, or..."

"Don't," Jason repeats, but the word wobbles a little.

Eddie looks carefully at his face, noting the pale cheeks, the moisture clumping his lashes with what could be tears and could be shower water.

"I'll get it on you. It will..."

"Get what on me?" Eddie asks.

"I can't... not fair to you... I should never have..." Jason claws at his arms, eyes glazed and unfocused.

Eddie shuts the water off, worried that Jason's gotten lightheaded from the heat.

"No," Jason bursts out, throwing Eddie's hands off and scrambling to his knees to reach for the faucet, "Gotta get it off, gotta wash it off..."

Eddie's afraid he knows the answer to the question before he asks it, "Wash what off?"

"The... g-gay... that I'm... I think I'm..." Jason blinks hard, face turned away, "G-gotta..."

"No," Eddie says it softly, tugging on Jason's arms, pulling him back onto the wet floor, "No... let me clean you up."

He expects more of a fight, but Jason just goes kind of limp at that, chin falling to his chest.

Eddie throws a towel over Jason's shoulder, trying to ignore the rock in his stomach. He helps Jason to his feet, and into the kitchenette, where he deposits him into a dining room chair and gets him a plastic tumblr of water.

Jason gulps it down, eyes turned away.

"Is that why... how often does that happen?" Eddie has to fight the urge to tug the towel tightly around Jason's shoulders.

Jason's face is just blank, but Eddie can see a twitch at the corner of his eye, "What?"

"This... panic thing."

Jason's face stays on the table, unmoving.

"Is this the first time?" Eddie pushes.

Jason shakes his head.

"You know you... can't really wash it off," Eddie's not sure what to say, but as soon as this comes out of his mouth, he cringes.

"I know," Jason's voice is cracked, painful sounding.

"So then-"

The words die on his lips when it hits him. Jason knows. So all of the rules, all of that... maybe it was just for Eddie. All the rules, the pushing him away. Maybe Eddie just wasn't good enough.

But then he sees Jason dig his nails into his arms, and his face crumples, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."

Eddie kneels in front of Jason's chair and gently tugs Jason's hands away, shocking himself when Jason plants them on the sides of Eddie's cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, I'm really sorry, I didn't want it to get on you, I'm s-sorry," Jason's crying in earnest now, "I don't know how to stop it, I thought that I could s-stop it, I thought..."

Eddie reaches up and brushes Jason's wet hair back, trying to joke, though the smile comes to his face too slowly, "Hey, it's okay. It's okay. I was already gay."

Jason shakes his head, "No... I... I did.... I'm sorry."

"Jason, it's okay," Eddie can't even enjoy Jason's hands on him, he's starting to worry, really worry.

Jason shakes his head, "I... I... I know that I could stop it, if I really tried, if I wasn't so s-"

Eddie doesn't know how else to stop it. He brushes his hands across Jason's cheek, tugs him by his jaw a little closer, and presses a kiss to Jason's lips.

Jason's fingers dig in, and he falls forward, not pushing back, not shoving away. He falls, shivering and soft, into Eddie's lap, and he lets Eddie part his lips and he's close, so close. Close enough that Eddie can smell soap and tears and feel every tremor that goes through Jason's body.

"I'm sorry-" Jason murmurs against Eddie's lips, which feel so much more sensitive than ever before. "I'm sorry..."

"I'm not," Eddie whispers back, "I'm not sorry, Jason."

That night, Eddie helps him back into bed, and they break almost all the rules. They kiss and kiss, hardly parting. Jason's frantic and soft in turns, babbling when Eddie stops to kiss his neck or jaw, how much he wants this, how he's afraid and sorry and happy and frightened. And Eddie feels much the same way.

Jason lingers, staying far past the time that light begins to stream through Eddie's curtains, hair getting rumpled against the sheets. He looks so different this way, messy and red eyed, nervous and vulnerable.

As the morning comes, his panic slows and he confesses, in halting tones. How long he's felt this way, and how he's not sure what to do, not sure what his future will even look like if he admits it, out loud.

He still can't say the word. But he says it, in the way that he buries his face in Eddie's neck, the way he cries into the rumpled sheets while Eddie rubs his back. He says it, when Eddie tells him that they shouldn't hook up right now, that Jason's not in the right headspace. And Jason just whispers it.

"I don't want to have sex. I want to be with you."

Eddie just smiles, "What about the rules?"

Jason's eyes dart all over Eddie's face, "Fuck the rules."

I loved this so much I put it right on AO3

#asks #munver #tigerfreak #rules for living #tw self harm #tw ocd #tw obsessive thoughts #jason carver x eddie munson #eddie munson x jason carver #jason x eddie #eddie x jason

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pityroad · 2 years

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For me, I am driven by two main philosophies: know more today about the world than I knew yesterday and lessen the suffering of others. You'd be surprised how far that gets you.

— Neil deGrasse Tyson

#I have been coming back to this quote consistently for at least ten years #quotes #neil degrasse tyson #favourite #rules for living #the point of it all #existentialism

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qiinamii · 7 months

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we'll do fine.

#fionna and cake spoilers #what hits me a little is how similar fionna and simon's stories are in the case of finding nuance in their lives #when both have gone through their separate but still valid pain no matter the extent it had been #and its that they met each other they get to see how it compares and they're no less worth of the peace and fun they dreamed of #even in the form of simplicity and just being normal #“i wouldn't have met THE fionna and cake” “we wouldn't have met THE simon petrikov”#it hits me harder that after the dandelion scene would've been their last time seeing each other physically #and how assuring simon sounded when fionna didn't know what to do with the literal world in her hands #tho im sure prismo isnt that much of a rule jerk lol i still drew out the revelation anyway with this tiniest addition #also the fact fionna's world is influenced by simon's thought processes and conditions so now things are a little better for both of them #fionna the human #fionna campbell #simon petrikov #qiiarts #the lil flashback of #betty grof #fionna and cake #adventure time

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skshark · 10 months

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#196 #r196 #rule #r/196 #196archive #ruleposting #silly #we live in a society #bottom text

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furiousgoldfish · 8 months

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Which ones of these arbitrary trauma-induced rules do you follow?

No spending money, ever. what if you need it later and your life depends on it.

Assume that all strangers are 3 seconds close to becoming hostile. fawn to keep them friendly.

No delegating tasks. no telling other people to do things you could potentially do yourself. what if they mess up.

Assume that everyone will consider you a burden if you do 1 single mistake that inconveniences them. do all that is possible to not make that mistake.

Do not admit when things are going wrong. wait until theres no other option but to ask for help, and even then consider not doing that.

Always act like you're okay. not doing so might make you seem 'not normal' and 'accused of being crazy and unstable'.

Do anything for friends, even if it sounds weird, dodgy, illegal. you want to prove that you're fun and easy going and helpful and useful and extremely cool with anything.

Never let it show if you're suspicious of someone. never say out loud that you think their intentions are bad. that might set them off.

If hurt, hide and isolate. Do not let anyone see you hurt.

Do not ask help for problems you feel are your own responsibility to solve. Even if you don't see yourself solving them successfully. If you can't do it, assume nobody can help you.

Help others to try and build positive relationships. Don't accept help so you don't end up relying on them for anything.

Do not start things that involve help or participation from other people. People are not reliable.

Assume that institutions, government, police, social services, and any kind of groups of people are all considering you a nuisance, and would attack you on sight, in every single situation. Never rely on them or assume they would do anything else.

No arguing, confronting, or standing up for yourself unless the situation is absolutely unsurvivable otherwise. Lay low until doing otherwise is seriously damaging your mental health and ability to live.

Give up on hopeful social encounters before they disappoint you. If you have to interact with people, assume the worst is about to happen.

No allowing yourself to idealize, or dream of positive future with people. It's a trap and your expectations need to be either extremely realistic or low.

Assume that fancy and expensive things don't exist for you. Despise them and get away from them.

No comparing yourself and your life to how other people live. It causes depression and despair. Other people's lives and standards of living are none of your business.

Do not showcase any skill or brag about any achievement. Jealous people can destroy you for satisfaction.

Assume people think the worst of you and don't consider changing their mind. Just try to keep out of their way.

Do not display anger. You don't want to be called insane or get arrested. You don't know what people could potentially blame you for if you're openly angry. But other angry people are dangerous and you need to get away from them.

If you follow more than half of these, you have a trauma-induced problem. These are not normal or healthy. These are not developed in a healthy environment. These are extremely self-protective, isolating, ruled by terror of the world and the people living in it. If you follow these, something bad has been done to you.

#trauma rules #living in trauma #consequences of trauma #social anxiety #aftermath of abuse #aftermath of trauma #trauma induced rules #long term abuse #consequences of abuse #extreme self-reliance

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zivazivc · 2 months

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do you think freesia and jd would ever get back together? or will they stay sort-of friends?

I'm not going to lie, I kinda like the idea of them starting to date again and seeing where it takes them. 🙈 freesia sneaked into my heart for some reason (she kind of started this new trend of mine where i make ocs that were created to be dicks and then me just getting protective of them and trying to reason out their awful behavior kasjsdj)

also their ship already has a #1 hater and #1 supporter, both of which are doing it for the wrong reasons...

#bruce and clay join the fandom once floyd sends them letters saying he's been eating good ksjbhbfchf #trolls #dreamworks trolls #trolls floyd #trolls branch #trolls john dory #freesia #trolls band together #this was a lot funnier in my head. i guess that's what you get when you don't lay down your panels from the start #my art #answered #freesia was all four of the brother's first crush (sorry i don't make the rules. it's just facts)#even floyd's who i headcanon is exclusively gay #jd and her started dating pretty young #and the other three had kid crushes on her because she was the big brothers cool girlfriend that made jd behave nice to them lmao #also almond and plum brownies <3 #floyd jd and branch all live in a sitcom in my head #it's beautiful #also i started coloring this and then i realized i actually DON'T want to spend another day on this when i can be drawing NEW comics

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punchitmrsulu · 1 month

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Everybody saw both their tongues, here, right? Ok, great. I just wanted to make sure.

#gif is not mine #i'm fine guys #i'm being so normal about it #you have no idea #richonne #one couple to rule them all #michonne #michonne grimes #rick grimes #danai gurira #andrew lincoln #scott gimple #the walking dead #the ones who live #the walking dead the ones who live #twd #towl #twd towl

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jlangenbeck · 1 year

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G. BRUCE BOYER'S TEN MENSWEAR COMMANDMENTS

1) The Chinese proverb says buy the best and you only cry once. Quality clothes are durable and always in style. Buy the best you can afford and maintain it. Don’t let your wife or girlfriend throw your clothes away. Real luxury is the comprehension of quality.

2)You may have noticed that athletic clothes actually have the ironic result of making many people appear less athletic than they would in almost any other sort of dress.

3)There are two kinds of crazy people: those who think they’re Napoleon, and those who think they can buy a good suit cheap. Every purchase should be a long-term commitment.

4)Anyone who has the money can buy fashion any time. Style you have to learn and earn. It develops and refines itself. You won’t find it in the shop window, or simply by knowing the trendy labels.

5)There’s a relatively new phenomenon – you can check this on all of those “stylish” blog sites – of men dressing as though it were a blood sport, a competition rather than a celebration. They wear their clothes as though they were weapons, and thus almost never look comfortable in what they’ve got on.

6)People talk about how clothes should fit, but fit is a nonsensical concept. Good tailors are not after fit, but effect. And effect means proportion. The idea is to help your figure, not to reproduce it.

7)Never look dressed up, always look as though you just threw it on … even if it takes some time and effort. As a keen anthropologist of the posh, I can tell you that the best dressers look like they live in their clothes.

8)There is no such thing as one size fits all.

9)As a brothel keeper once told me, there are no tricks, there are only enthusiasms.

10)Some people think clothes aren’t important, while others think they’re everything. In my writing and in my wardrobe I’ve tried to walk that fine line between those two extremes. A good suit is not a cure for cancer or global warming, but it is important to present yourself with confidence. It may be superficial, but we must leave the deeper aspects of our souls to priests, psychiatrists, and late night reflections.

#menswear #rules for living

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rillette · 1 year

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When Jason goes O.O so true baby

#jason todd #asks <3 #ty for the ask!!#basketball #gotham henchmen live and die by the yes and rule of comedy

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fairuzfan · 6 months

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Apparently Biden's aides are urging him to call for a ceasefire but he's refusing to listen to them the same for congress aides. He thinks its a "loud minority" speaking up against the genocide. If any one of you vote for Biden he will take it as a sign that he did good and do it again if he sees fit. You are not safe.

#literally what the hell #the congressmen are getting an unprecendent number of calls they said but they are refusing to listen #we do not live in a democracy #we are ruled by evil men and women

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tsintzask · 8 months

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#196 #rule #i hate tumblr live!

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